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Chapter Text

Disclaimer: Characters and setting (and credit) belong to JK Rowling, and I make no money from this.

The Spiffing Brit is real. Here is his Youtube channel : https://www.youtube.com/c/TheSpiffingBrit/videos  I highly reccommend it, it's very entertaining.

I also don't intend for this to negatively impact Spiff's internet presence, nor will I make any money from mentioning him, so make sure you're sat back and relaxed wiv a nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea in hand...

Harry knelt in his cupboard and looked through the gap between the top of the door and the jamb. It was a night like any other in late July, and he had no reason to be awake, but he was regardless. Sometimes when he woke in the dead of night he would watch the world beyond his tiny prison and think about what might be going on - next door, on the next street, in the next town, in some of the far-off places he only knew existed from geography class.

It was times like that, when the whole world was quiet, that Harry felt something stir inside him. He was sure there was something that connected him to that great wide world out there, beyond. He felt connected to the world as a whole, and yet it only made him feel more isolated, more alone. He thought about all the millions of people that existed out there and cried quietly to himself because out of three billion people, not a single one cared about him. He knew his teachers didn't. He knew the Dursleys didn't. He wondered if anyone else even knew he was alive.

It was then, with wiped-away tears that dried on his cheeks and a wellspring of sadness in his heart, that something quite unexpected happened.

Harry heard a voice.

It was a mellifluous tenor, filled with confidence and charm, and Harry had no idea where it came from.

"Hello there ladies and gentlemen! I'm the Spiffing Brit and today we're playing 'The Magicking World', a brand new Early-Access game from our wonderful friends at Harbor Opener Games. Because it's early access, you know what that means - yes, it's very broken, and we're going to have a lot of fun wiv vis perfectly balanced game.

"So wivout furver ado ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to show you how to win every Magicking World game in a completely unfair and unbalanced manner, all thanks to the wonderful ­­­ magic that is exploits! That basically means we're going to be breaking down the mechanics of the game, stripping it of any balance, and turning our little hero into a maniacal machine of magical mayhem. So sit back, relax, make sure you've a nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea in hand, salute the picture of the Queen that hangs over your computer, and if you're especially fantastic, you could even like the video. Now, let's get on with the game."

"Hello?" Harry called softly. He was desperately curious to know if someone was really there, but at the same time he knew that if he woke any of the Dursleys, he would be made to regret it.

"As you can see, we are here at Character Creation, wiv our little orphan peeking out from his cupboard under the stairs, isn't he a darling little sausage, so forlorn and unloved and horribly abused by his close relatives! I mean, for Yorkshire's sake! Who puts that in a game?! Yes, of course we want our main character to be horribly beaten and abused by those who are supposed to love him! Oh, Harbor Opener, what have you done? I'm not sure the world is ready for your dark and edgy phase."

Harry looked around. They could see him? Who were they and how could they see him? Where were they? Whoever they were, they knew about how the Dursleys treated him, and that made him a little scared. Did they know and do nothing? Did they just find out? How did they find out? There was no-one there!

"Hello?" Harry called a little louder, "Can you see me? Where are you?"

It didn't seem that whoever it was could hear him, because the voice continued on without responding.

"Now, today I'll be showing how we can take our lovely little orphan sausage from being a slightly well-off child wiv no idea his net worf, to becoming a completely filthy, over-the-top billionaire, which is exactly what you need in this world. How are we going to do it? Well, we need to start at character creation. In order to pull off this exploit, all you need to do is simply make sure you take the Magic Overload background, which will make your character twenty-five percent more likely to do accidental and wandless magic.

"Yes, there are other backgrounds that look good, but trust me, ladies and gentlemen, Magic Overload is the one you want, as will soon become apparent once we've started the game. We don't get much choice at Character Creation apart from background and skill points, certainly not any physical customization. As you can see, the default view is a trifle sad, not a majestic specimen of dashing good looks and british rough-and-tumble, but have no fear! You can alter the way your character looks a little furver along in the game. You can even ditch the clunky little so-quaint-it's-painful round John Lennon glasses, because who would choose to wear glasses when you're bloody magic and can get your eyes fixed wiv a wave of a wand?"

'Magic Overload?' Harry thought, 'I've flipped it. I've gone barmy from being locked in a cupboard my entire life. I'm hearing voices blithering about Magic! Hah!' He studiously ignored the part of his mind that reminded him of the teacher's blue hair and the school roof. Suddenly, Harry felt a surge of... something... rush through him. It left him slightly lightheaded and just a little wild around the edges.

"So there, we set our background to Magic Overload , and now we're on to the Attribute Points. You can see we've got a few to work wiv. It's not much, but then our little orphan sausage is only eleven years old. You might be tempted to dump a few into Strenf, or even Magic, and make your little orphan as beefy as six bulls stacked atop each ovver, but ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that both the Strenf and the Magic stats are absolutely worfless. That's right, at no time during this game does your Strenf or Magic stat do anyfing at all. The only free stats that matter in this game are your Intellect, your Speed, and your Charisma. Not only that, but some of the ovver exploits I have to show you later on in the game make putting your stats into Strenf and Magic completely and totally pointless."

Well, Harry was fairly fast, he supposed. He did outrun Dudley and his gang nearly every day - at least until he ran out of energy.

"Now, you need at least two points into your Charisma stat for future friendship and romance exploits, but I've found best results wiv at least free, so we'll put free points into Charisma like so, and for the remaining twelve points, you can dump them all into Intellect and Speed. I've found diminishing returns over about seven points in any stat, so I'm going to go with five into Speed, and seven into Intellect."

Harry suddenly felt his muscles get harder . He didn't feel any stronger or more powerful, but he felt light . Then, as he watched the sitting room window through his peeking gap, he felt as though a tea cozy made of lead had been removed from his brain. Everything appeared sharper and clearer. He understood immediately that there was something going on that he would need to research later to try to figure out. He needed to remember what this Spiffing Brit said, in order to better figure it out. Whoever - whatever - this Spiffing Brit was, it was affecting him directly, and that made Harry very nervous.

"Now that we have our majestic little orphan sausage all statted up and ready to roll, we'll go ahead and skip the tutorial, and proceed straight on to Diagon Alley."

Diagonally? That didn't make any sense! Was that something that happened? Why was his delusion so confusing?

Harry waited for the voice to continue, to give him some hint what was going on, but only silence filled his cupboard.

"Hello?" He asked again after a long moment. There was no answer, and nothing more from the Spiffing voice.

Harry sighed and lay down on his cot mattress. He felt a little different than he had before he'd heard the voice, so that was some indication he wasn't dreaming it. He would test his speed in the morning, he supposed. If he got away from Dudley and the rest more easily than he did before, then he had reason to believe the voice might have been real.

He sighed again, but it was a long time before he relaxed enough to sleep.

He was awoken by the thunderous stomping of the Dursleys as they traversed the stairs not three feet over his head. Normally he was awake long before the Dursleys, but he didn't normally stay up most of the night wondering whether he'd lost the plot.

Vernon opened his cupboard. "Fetch the mail and get my breakfast on the table, boy! Move!"

Harry knew better than to argue, so he quickly changed into his clothes - clothes that made him look like he'd cut up a tent that he'd happened upon one day whilst nakedly roaming the woods. They were Dudley's old clothes that Dudley was too fat for, but they made Harry look like he were drowning in an empty hippo skin.

Right away, Harry noticed the difference.

He had only meant to casually jog to the mail box, but apparently his causal jog equalled his flat-out run from yesterday. He wasn't sure whether to smile or be wary at the fact of it, though. On the one hand he was virtually guaranteed to be able to outrun Dudley and the rest, but by the same token, some voice he'd never heard before had altered his body. Yes more speed was a good thing, but without knowing where it came from or how or why, it made him quite uneasy. Distracted as he was, he very nearly missed another important development.

There was a letter addressed to him!

Mr. H. Potter

The cupboard under the stairs,

4 Privet Drive

Little Whinging

Surrey

He'd never gotten mail before, and two things popped into his mind immediately regarding the strange occurrence: Firstly, there was someone else in the world who knew he existed, and that they knew he was made to sleep under the stairs. Secondly, if he let the Dursleys know that he had received a letter, they'd destroy it immediately, unopened. Freaks weren't allowed to have letters.

He lifted the back of his shirt and tucked the letter into the back of his trousers, then made sure the shirt was pulled down over it so it was invisible.

Luckily, it stayed where he'd put it while he made breakfast and put it on the table where Vernon and Dudley heaped their plates with bacon and eggs and beans and sausages. Aunt Petunia must have started another diet, she had half a grapefruit.

Vernon couldn't yell at Harry while he had his mouth stuffed full, so Harry quickly and quietly left the prison and ran - much more quickly than normal - to the park where he usually went to escape Dudley and his gang. Then he thought better of it - because he had something precious in his possession and knew that Dudley could look for him there, he ran on past the park to the small shopping centre at the far end of Whingeing Way. He'd never run that far before, and when he arrived he didn't even feel tired.

Relatively certain that he'd not be bothered by the Dursleys, Harry sat against one of the wheelie bins behind the grocery store and pulled out his letter.

His fingers trembled as he broke the wax seal on the envelope and pulled out the letter. Who was it from? How did they know him? Was it people who knew his parents?

He stared at the letterhead for whole minutes.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry ?

Well, that lent credence to the voice he'd heard talking about magic. Seriously though, magic magic? For real magic? What was he supposed to think about that?

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

There was a list of things he would need enclosed, clothes, books, potions kit, telescope... Who sent it? It couldn't be real, someone was having him on. It was some kind of trick to get his hopes up and then dash them. It had to be... Didn't it?

The letter said they awaited his owl no later than July thirty-first... It was July thirty-first! Well, that was that then. Post wouldn't be picked up until tomorrow at the earliest, and there was no way he was going to even try sending an owl through the post. Who wanted a bloody owl sent to them?!

He decided he would bin the letter. If it wasn't a joke or a trick, then whoever had sent it in earnest was an absolute nutter and he wanted nothing to do with them. He was about to crumple the letter into a ball, but he was started nearly out of his skin by a loud "KEE!" from directly above him.

A large tawny-and-chestnut owl perched atop the wheelie bin he leaned against.

It looked directly at him with large yellow eyes and blinked.

His fingers still tingled with adrenaline while he stared up at it. "Umm... hello." He said.

"Prek tek chek." The owl replied, and twisted its head slightly as it looked at him, almost as if it were looking at the letter in his hands...

Harry frowned and shook his head, then looked back up at the owl. That's when he noticed the owl's leg. There was a kind of harness on it, with a little pouch attached. It looked like an envelope made of leather. Its other leg had a kind of sleeve with long leather strips attached, for maybe tying things onto...

"They don't want me to send an owl through the post, do they?" He asked it, "You are the post."

"Kee!" It screeched, and bobbed its head up and down.

"Ooookayy... Um, do you mind waiting a moment then while I borrow a biro?"

"Krr."

He took that as assent, and went to the service desk in the grocery store to borrow a pen. He had a floaty sort of feeling as he backed away from the owl, sort of like he was dreaming but couldn't wake up. Like everything looked and felt and smelled real, but somehow wasn't.

Thankfully he was able to borrow a biro at the service counter inside the grocery store. They gave him hard looks when he asked, as though he was some sort of thief just waiting for them to turn their backs so he could wander off with their precious clickable. As if Harry could ever do that to anyone else after having everything he'd ever liked stolen and destroyed because he liked it. Even when Dudley had broken it and thrown it away in the first place.

After a moment's reflection, Harry wrote on the back of his acceptance letter.

Please tell me this is real and not some cruel joke. I would very much like to learn magic, yes please. If this isn't a joke or a trick, please help me get away from the Dursleys. I'm probably in for a beating just for answering this letter as it is. Where is the school? How do I get there?

Help me please,

Harry Potter.

He made sure to place the biro down on the counter in plain view so he didn't get accused of stealing, and returned to the owl who still perched atop the wheelie bin behind the store. He folded up his letter again, and placed it inside the leather envelope attached to the owl's leg.

"Please return this to that Minerva McGonagall person?" He asked it as he did so.

The owl bobbed its head up and down again. "Krr."

Harry smiled at it. It wasn't nearly so scary when he was sure it wasn't going to attack him. "Thank you."

The owl simply flapped and flew away, leaving Harry to stand by the wheelie bins and watch it slowly grow smaller in the distance. He hoped it made a difference.

Sure enough, though Vernon was gone to work when Harry returned, Petunia slapped him up the back of his head and hissed at him to get to the chores in her most waspish tone. He got the belt when Vernon returned home that night, probably a new scar or two, and his little cot mattress got a new bloodstain.

It was about what he'd expected.

Petunia kept him locked in the cupboard after that whenever he wasn't actively doing chores, usually by a fistful of his hair. He stayed up the first few nights to listen through his tears, as he hoped beyond hope for the voice to return or for someone or something magical to free him from his prison.

After the third day, he decided it had all been a horrid lie and, exactly as he'd predicted, his hopes dashed lower than ever. If it hadn't been for his prudence in constantly sneaking scraps of food to store in a discarded Cadbury Fingers tin at the base of the stairs, he'd have starved.

He forgot all about the promise of freedom and thoughts of magic over the next weeks as his life shrank again to chores and time in the cupboard and being shouted at. His only bright spark was that school loomed closer every day, and they had to let him out for that. He could at least see the outdoors and learn things - even if he couldn't show anyone he had learned it. A report card that was better than Dudley's was just asking for a beating.

Then, on September first, the day before school was due to start, after he had finished the chores and Petunia had locked him in the cupboard again whilst she had her lunch, a thunderous boom sounded from the front door. It started him so badly he knocked his head on the underside of the stairs as he jumped to look through his peeking gap.

A second thunderous boom happened, and the front door, having given its all in a valiant fight to remain intact after the first one, fell inward with a crash.

"Awp, sorry 'bout the door. Who knew they med 'em so weak, righ'?" A deep voice came from the doorway, but Harry could only see a large coat that didn't quite cover a belt buckle.

Petunia, of course, simply screamed and ran into the kitchen, probably to get a big chef's knife. "Get out!" She screamed, "I'm calling the police!"

A pair of eyes and a nose, adrift in a sea of dark bushy hair, appeared in his peeking gap.

"She always like tha'?" He asked. Harry assumed it was a man due to the deep voice and the beard. The cupboard door pulled away , torn from its hinges, lock and all. "Well come on then, 'fore screamybritches works 'erself a lather."

The man was enormous . He had a huge bushy beard, and hair that was coarse and wiry, but lay flat and didn't stick up everywhere like Harry's did. However, because his hair was lain overtop of his coat and the man's shoulders were so huge, his hair was only slightly shy of horizontal out from his ears. He had kind eyes though, of a warm dark brown, even if his face did betray a flash of sorrow and anger as he stood back up.

He set the cupboard door down, leaned against the wall.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked.

"Well, we've a spot o' shoppin' teh do 'fore yeh get on the train tomorreh. Have teh pick up all yer schoolin' supplies." The big man turned toward the door. "Er, grab anythin' yeh want teh take ter school, Harry. Don't reckon yer likely teh be back here."

Train? School?

"What train? What school?" He asked as he hurried to follow. Truthfully he didn't care where they were off to, so long as he was away from the Dursleys forever.

"Why, Hogwarts, o'course! Finest school o' witchcraft an' wizardry on these fair isles!"

"It's real?! You're not having me on, are you?" Harry's chest squeezed tight with the unfamiliar hope.

"Oh it's real, alrigh'." The big man paused to flash him a grin. "Yer a wizard, Harry, same as yer mum an' dad 'fore yeh." He slung his leg over a motorcycle parked at the curb, and gestured toward the sidecar. "Hop in, an' we'll be off."

Harry hopped in immediately, and secured the goggles and helmet that were on the seat to his head before he sat down.

"Good lad!" The big man grinned at him. "Next stop, Diagon Alley!" He pressed a button on the handlebars, and the motorcycle roared to life. Unfortunately, it was so loud that there was no way for Harry to ask him about where they were headed.

The Spiffing voice had said Diagon Alley. Harry frowned as he thought about it, and was forced to admit that might have been real as well, if extremely perplexing and entirely strange.

The big man drove the motorcycle in a half-circle and headed east. Before it got to the end of Privet Drive, the front wheel and then the rest of it lifted into the air!

Harry gripped the sides of the car he was in and was thankful for seatbelts as he watched the ground and then the houses and then the trees fall away below them. It took him a few minutes to get over his initial shock at being on a flying motorcycle. He wondered if anyone below could see them? It was proof enough that magic was real, that was certain. Then he thought back to the Spiffing voice, and how it had said it was going to skip directly to Diagon Alley. If magic was real - and it clearly was, as they passed a flock of geese - then perhaps there was such a thing as time magic and whoever or whatever the voice was had simply gone on ahead and left him to live the intervening time? Something to think about.

They started to descend over a very populated area, a place with huge buildings and people everywhere and so many cars they choked the streets. Harry thought it had to be London, even though he'd never been there before. They touched down on a very busy street, and rolled to a stop outside a dingy little pub flanked by two bright, clean shops, a clothing store and a music store. The big man took his goggles off and left them hanging from the handlebar.

"Where are we?" Harry asked as he took his own goggles and helmet off and left them on the seat, as they'd been when he climbed in.

"This is the Leaky Cauldron, Harry. Perfect little place for a pint, not that you'll be having pints any time soon o' course." He chuckled quietly to himself. "Blimey!" He said suddenly, "I forgot teh in'r'duce meself! Rubeus Hagrid, Mister Potter. Keeper o' the keys and grounds at Hogwarts." He stuck out a dinner plate-sized hand to shake, so Harry shook as much of it as he could. It was like trying to fit a whole ham in his palm.

"Nice to meet you, Mister Hagrid." Harry said in return.

"Oh jus' call me Hagrid, everyone does." He grinned back at Harry. "Stick close when we get inside now, migh' be a few folk eager teh make yer acquaintance."

"What? Why?" That was ridiculous. Far more ridiculous than magic being real.

"On account o' yer fame, o'course."

"My what ?" Harry frowned hard. That made no sense whatsoever. Nobody got famous by being stuffed in a cupboard for ten years - however long he'd been there now.

Hagrid looked suddenly unsure of himself. "Err... We'd best go, don't want ter be late!"

"No." Harry said. "I'm not moving one step until you tell me what you mean. I've been stuffed in a cupboard under the stairs my whole life, and people in cupboards do NOT get famous!"

Hagrid's shoulders raised as he winced. "Shouldn' a' said tha'. Should not have said tha'." He muttered to himself. He heaved a great sigh, and got down on one knee to look at Harry on a less downward angle. "The whole Magicking world knows yer name, Harry, I din't wanna have teh be the one teh tell yeh, since one o' the professors could do a much better job of it. Yeh were jus' a tiny little thing, no bigger'n' my pinky finger when You-Know-Who killed yer mum and da'. He were there t'kill you too, Harry, but somehow you killed him instead. His killin' curse gave yeh yer scar."

"No I don't know who. Who is that? Are you saying my parents were murdered?" Harry shot back and forth between disbelief and anger.

Hagrid made a face like he'd stepped in cold custard with bare feet. "You-Know-Who is jus' what they call him. He were a Dark wizard, Harry. Dark as they come. He killed a lot o' folk back then, and some said he were a gnat's bum away from takin' over the Ministry. Yer mum and da' were good folk, Harry. They and some o' their friends stood against You-Know-Who, so he tried teh make an example of yeh. If you hadn' bounced his killin' curse back at him, we'd all be in a righ' load o' trouble. After tha' nigh', regular folk got teh callin' yeh a saviour, on account o' yeh stopped You-Know-Who."

"I was a baby, Hagrid! What could I have done?" That made no sense. More likely his parents had done something that killed the dark wizard, and people said he did it because he was the only one left alive.

"I don't rightly know, Harry. I'm sorry, I weren' there 'til after, when Albus - Dumbledore, mind, great wizard, Dumbledore - an' me an' perfesser McGonagall dropped yeh at yer family. Yeh were th'cutest wee thing."

Harry reached into the sidecar and put the goggles and helmet back on. "Well whatever the reasons and whatever happened, I'll look into that later. Thank you for telling me Hagrid, and not treating me like a child."

Hagrid smiled at that, evidently relieved he hadn't managed to muck it up. He looked at Harry and his brows crept closer together. "Wot yeh've got the helmet on fer, Harry? We jus' got here."

"I don't like people staring at me. This way they won't recognize me." He replied.

"Oh. Fair 'nough then."

The interior of the pub was even dingier than the outside. The surfaces looked clean and the floor swept, but the whole place looked straight out of an eighteen-hundreds village picturebook. Thankfully Hagrid simply nodded to those who waved at him, and proceeded at once to a solid brick wall in the back of the pub. Harry looked up at him as Hagrid pulled a pink umbrella from beneath his huge coat and tapped several bricks on the wall.

At once the bricks that made up the wall began to shiver and shift, to fold backward on each other to reveal a doorway. Through the doorway Harry could see other shops, also straight out of a village picturebook. Hagrid stepped through so Harry followed him, and he could hear the bricks shift back into place behind him.

Hagrid turned to look down at Harry and opened his mouth to say something, but instead he just stood there with his mouth open whilst Harry heard an entirely different voice.

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! Now that we have skipped the tutorial and landed at Diagon Alley, we can get started in making our lovely little sausage the richest wizard ever to walk the planet earth. That's right, we're starting out wiv infinite wealth! Yes, things are about to get very spicy indeed."

Harry felt a surge of happiness race through him. He was right! The Spiffing Voice hadn't abandoned him after all!

"Sure, you can take the Wealthy background and dump your advancement points into it, and near the end of the game you might have close to a million wizardquid, but why would you do that? Such a waste of points for such a paltry gain! No no no, we're going to become ungodly wealthy through the power of exploits , of course! Now that we have taken the Magic Overload background, as I explained during character creation, when you get through the wall into Diagon proper just hit Escape to back out of Hagrid's dialogue menu, and go directly to the bookstore, Flourish and Blotts. Once you're there, just go to the Charms section and learn the Duplicate spell. It may take a few tries to get right, as Magic Overload only increased your chances by twenty-five percent, but thirty-five percent is a much happier chance than the default ten percent. Once that's done, we can go and rejoin Hagrid and follow him to the bank."

Harry nodded. Go to the bookstore Flourish and Blotts, Charms section, learn Duplicate. Got it!

If the Spiffing Voice was going to make him wealthy, he'd never have to go back to the Dursleys ever! Hagrid had said he wouldn't have to, but that didn't mean he wouldn't during summer. You couldn't stay at school during summer, everyone knew that.

He eagerly scanned the shops on the street, and located Flourish and Blotts a few dozen meters away, so he ran there immediately.

The bookstore had people in it, but it wasn't packed. Harry ignored everyone and searched the signs overtop of different sections until he found Charms. There were hundreds of books on Charms, and that let some of the air out of his happy balloon. He squared his shoulders though, and pulled the first book from the top left and began to search through the table of contents... At least he would have, if there had been a table of contents. Harry sighed with annoyance and flipped through the entire book to look for the Duplicate spell.

It wasn't there.

Thankfully, it was in the sixth book he picked up.

The book gave a picture - a moving picture - of how to wave the wand correctly, along with the corresponding incantation Geminio - pronounced Jeh-MIN-eeo.

Since he didn't have a wand, Harry decided not to worry about that part.

"Geminio." He whispered. "JehMINeeo. JehMINeeo. JehMINeeo." He committed the incantation to memory, then decided to test it on the book. He focused on creating a duplicate of the book, then spoke the incantation. " Geminio !"

Nothing happened.

He tried waving his hand like he did have a wand in it. " Geminio !"

Nothing happened.

He sighed, and focused as hard as he could. He did the wand wave motion and concentrated on there being a duplicate of the book. " Geminio !"

The buildup of...tension? pressure? Whatever it was that was impossible to define inside him that he hadn't really noticed suddenly drained out of him. With a slight pop sound, a second book sat on top of the one he'd opened.

"Yes!" Harry hissed, trying to stay quiet. He placed both books on the shelf where he'd found the first, and headed back out of the bookstore... but he stopped before he left. If he could learn the Duplicate Charm... No. He shook his helmeted head. He had plenty of time to come back and pick up books after whatever the Spiffing Voice had him do next.

When he returned to Hagrid, the big man still stood as he had when Harry had left him, stock still with his mouth open as if to say something. As soon as Harry tugged on his coat to get his attention, Hagrid stood up straight and turned to walk down the Alley. Harry had to hurry a little to keep up with him.

"Where are we going now, Hagrid?" Harry asked.

"Yeh see tha' big white building there where the Alley splits?" Hagrid answered, "Tha's Gringott's, the Magicking bank. Whole thing's run by Goblins. Mind yer manners speaking to a Goblin, Harry. They're nice enough if yer polite, but they control all the money, Goblins do, and they've long memories."

Harry thought that was a bit odd. "Why would wizards put goblins in charge of all their money? Isn't that sort of like asking them to steal it?"

Hagrid stopped and turned instantly. "Oi, shush tha'! A good Goblin'll try t'swindle yeh, tha's righ' enough, but don' ever accuse one o' stealin'. Goblins are righ' sticky 'bout their honour, mind. Wars have started for less."

Harry frowned at that. "Isn't swindling the same as stealing?" It was the same on all Vernon's television shows.

"O' course nah!" Hagrid replied, and resumed walking. "Stealin' is stealin', but a swindle is somethin' yeh agreed teh. Like the difference between takin' money from yer pocket and sellin' yeh a cup wi' no bottom. One is theivin', the other is jus' playin yeh fer a fool."

"Oh." Harry said, and filed that information away for later. He thought he should probably look up how legal swindling was.

They passed two goblins dressed in armor on the way into the bank, which Harry thought was very cool. Hagrid stopped once they were inside the lobby of the bank to let him look around, and he did. Harry had never thought he would ever see anywhere so grand or so fine in real life. Marble floors, granite countertops, gold accents... Petunia would faint dead away from the grandeur.

"Here you go," Hagrid said, and held out a gold key to him. "Tha's yer vault key, Harry. There's only the one, so don't go an' lose it, alrigh'? Jus' go an' let the teller know yeh want to visit yer vault. Yeh'll need about a hundred galleons for yer school supplies, but it's yer gold, so you grab how much yeh think yeh migh' need fer the year. I've got a spot o'... other business teh do, jus' wait for me here by the door if yeh get done first, yeh?"

Harry nodded. "Alright, Hagrid."

"There's a good lad." Hagrid smiled at him warmly, and stood up.

Harry walked forward to join the queue to speak to a teller, but he got no more than four steps before he heard the Spiffing voice again.

"Once inside Gringott's, just go up to the lovely little green financial overlord and tell him you'd like to visit your vault. You then get to ride the goblincoaster into the bowels of the earth, hooray! StillbetterthanButlins. Once you finish wiv the pointless rollercoaster of certain death and manage to open the door to your paltry little puddle of money, close the door again. If you don't close the door before attempting this exploit, you'll destroy the entire universe in an implosion of blue screen singularity."

Harry didn't know what implosion was, or what 'blue screen singularity' referred to, but it didn't sound good. In fact, 'destroy the universe' sounded distinctly bad . He resolved to close the door and avoid it, whatever it was. Harry waited for the rest of the explanation, but it seemed The Spiffing Voice had moved on again.

"Next!" The goblin teller to his left spat, so Harry walked over and was just able to peek overtop of the counter to see the goblin. He was dressed in a well-cut suit, and seemed quite posh and important.

"Hello sir." Harry said, "I would like to visit my vault please?"

"Name?" The goblin looked at him expectantly.

"Harry Potter, sir."

"Hmph." The goblin grunted, and made some notes on something Harry couldn't see. He used a long feather to write with, just like on one of Petunia's ye-olde-tyme dramas. "Key?"

Harry handed the goblin his key. The goblin made more notes, then handed his key back. "You may wish to make an appointment to see your accounts manager, Mister Potter, I believe he has some things to discuss with you."

"Um..." Harry thought quickly, as he didn't think there would be time to set up a meeting that evening, and he was supposed to get on a train in the morning to go somewhere to school. "Could I write him or her a letter to make an appointment? I think I'm going off to school tomorrow."

The teller nodded and made another note. "Very well Mister Potter. His name is Ungrog. Any owl you send should reach him with no trouble."

Harry smiled up at the goblin, not that he could see it with his helmet and goggles on. "Thanks, mister Goblin sir!" He said happily.

"Just follow Carvebone, he'll take you to your vault." The goblin indicated another goblin that stood at the end of the counter.

Harry nodded again and waved goodbye to the teller, who looked from him to the queue and said "Next!"

"Right this way, Mister Potter." Carvebone said when he got next to him. He turned on his heel and strode down a hallway that looked rough-hewn from stone. It led downward to a wide space where there were several metal carts on rails. Carvebone stepped into one and turned to wait for him.

Harry cautiously followed the goblin into the cart, and sat on the bench seat as he took hold of both sides of the cart. Harry had heard of rollercoasters from the kids at school, and Dudley, who had raved about them to his parents when they'd gone to Alton Towers for Dudley's birthday. Harry had been locked in the cupboard, of course, but his understanding was that rollercoasters were fun things. The fact that the Spiffing Voice had called this one a 'rollercoaster of certain death' made him both curious and frightened.

Carvebone pulled a lever, and the cart instantly shot down the rails it sat on. The rails twisted and turned and plummeted down through an enormous cavern, and the cart followed the rails. Harry was thrown side to side and pushed back into his seat, and even floated off his seat at one point.

He absolutely loved it!

If that's what rollercoasters were like, no wonder everyone loved them! Harry had never gone so fast in his life, and it left him completely thrilled.

Sadly, the ride was over too soon, and the cart stopped outside a huge vault door marked six hundred eighty-eight. Carvebone hopped out and strode quickly to the vault door, where he ran his finger along some indent or crack that Harry couldn't see. Harry climbed out of the cart as well, just as Carvebone held a hand out to him and said "Key."

Harry handed the gold key to him, and Carvebone inserted it in a hidden keyhole. He twisted it left and right, all the way around, pulled it out and pushed it in further and made some more twists. A shuddering groan of metal sounded, then Carvebone pulled the key out completely and handed it back to him.

"The door will close automatically as soon as you step inside, Mister Potter. To leave, simply place your palm in the appropriate space on the inside of the door. The cart will take you back to where you first climbed aboard."

Harry nodded. "Palm on the door, cart back to the top. Got it. Thanks ever so much, Mister Carvebone. I never had so much fun before."

Carvebone made a sort of pulsing hissing wheeze that Harry thought sounded a bit like laughter. "Happy to accommodate, Mister Potter. Enjoy the rest of your stay."

"Um, Mister Carvebone?" Harry had a thought.

"Yes?"

"Does Gringott's sell magic bags or something to put money in? Hagrid said my school supplies would probably cost a hundred, but I don't think a hundred will fit in my pockets."

Carvebone reached into his pocket a pulled out a small maroon leather pouch with a gold Gringott's logo on the front. "Hundred gold each for these, Mister Potter. Press your finger to the logo and it will draw some blood, then it will be bound to you only. No-one else will even be able to touch it. It will link directly to your vault, and never be any heavier than it already is."

"Brilliant!" Harry grinned, a little stunned by it. "Can you just take the fee from my vault?"

"Very good, Mister Potter." Carvebone then trundled off down a hallway carved into the rock.

"Thanks again, Mister Carvebone!" Harry called after him.

Harry stepped into his vault and stood aghast at the pile of gold coins in the middle of the floor. The door clanged shut behind him, and then he heard the Spiffing Voice again.

"Default starting cash is a mere fousand wizardquid, much too little for our world domination plans. No fear vough, no fear, we shall now turn our paltry sum into unbelievable mountains of economy-shattering gold! Just make sure the door is shut, and cast Duplicate on the tiny pile of gold in your vault. It may only work one out of free tries, but at maximum that's sixty casts. Because you haven't got your wand yet, the game hasn't started keeping track of your magic stat, so you can just keep spamming Duplicate . Keep casting it on everyfing in the vault, so you're doubling everyfing you have. It only takes twenty successful duplications to max out the gold counter at nine hundred ninety-nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine fousand, nine hundred ninety-nine. The best part is, the counter is as poorly coded as pre- Y-two-K calendars, so when the value exceeds the limit, your last doubling of five hundred twenty-four million takes you over the maximum allowed amount. The counter breaks, and no matter how much you spend, the counter always says you have nine hundred ninety-nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine fousand, nine hundred ninety-nine available. True infinite wealth is acheived, ladies and gentlemen, and the rest of the Magicking world shall bow before the financial might of little orphan sausage!"

Harry tried to isolate the main points of what Mister Spiff told him, but frankly he was absolutely stunned. One coin short of a billion ?! He knew the number in an abstract way - he'd had six years of maths classes, after all - but he could in no way process that number as it pertained to his finances. It beggared his imagination, and it would never decrease ! If this turned out to be real like everything else the Spiffing Voice said...

Harry took a deep breath and began to cast the Duplicate spell.

Sometimes nothing happened, just like at the book store. When he was able to cast it successfully and the pile of money doubled, he felt the... whatever it was he felt inside him drain out of him. He felt a little tired then, but almost immediately he perked right up again, as if he hadn't cast anything at all. The bigger the pile of gold coins in front of him grew, the bigger his smile grew.

He had to shift positions to stand near the door when the pile of gold got twice as tall as he was. After he'd cast successfully ten times, the back wall of the vault started to get farther way, as if it were expanding to accommodate the sheer physical volume of gold. After he'd cast Duplicate another five times, he couldn't see the back wall at all. After he cast it the final twentieth time, he climbed up the inside of the vault door to look out over a vast sea of gold coins, and laughed. Harry laughed harder than he had ever laughed in his entire life.

No more Dursleys .

That was what all that gold meant. It was freedom. He could never let on that he had it, of course. Vernon and Petunia would stop at nothing to wrest control of his gold away from him. However, he knew he never had to go back there at all. They would never come looking for him, they'd probably be ecstatic when he never showed back up. He would have to make sure when he talked to Accounts Manager Ungrog that he bought a house or something just for him. Someplace safe and nice and brilliant that nobody else knew about and nobody else would ever find out about.

"Thank you, Mister Spiff." Harry whispered as he felt tears sting his eyes. "You're my best friend, whoever you are."

Harry jumped from where he was and slid down the front slope of gold coins to the base of the door. After he stood up and fished the coins from out of his pants, he tossed them back on the pile and took out his little red pouch.

He carefully put his hand into the pouch, but... despite the fact that the pouch was about the size of his fist, his hand went into it past his wrist before he felt any coins. He grabbed a handful of them, and heard the jingle of moving coins both from inside the pouch, and from the mountain of coins nearest to him.

Curious, he climbed the vault door again before he put his hand into the pouch. Once he touched coins again, he could see his own hand grasp a fistful of coins from the top of the pile.

He let the coins go and laughed. "Magic is brilliant ."

He made sure the pouch was secure in his pocket, and climbed down the door again. He put his hand in the hand-shaped outline on the door to make it open, then rode the cart back to the banking floor again.

It was nowhere near as much fun going uphill.

He stopped at the queue for the tellers again, because he thought it might be a good idea if he had some regular money as well. He joined the queue, and asked the teller when it was his turn if he could exchange some galleons for pounds stirling.

As it turned out, he could. Harry thought two thousand pounds should be enough for emergencies, and thanked the teller when he handed him a stack of twenty pound notes. Harry grinned and quickly pocketed the cash.

Hagrid was already waiting for him by the door when he finally arrived back at the bank lobby. Harry thought Hagrid was tall, but seeing him sat in a chair amongst other people, he was just as tall as other men when he was sitting down! He really was enormous.

"Alrigh' then, Harry?" Hagrid said softly as he came to stand next to the big man.

Harry nodded. "Brilliant."

"Righ', let's go get yer school things then." He stood up, and they left the bank. As soon as they'd descended the steps outside, he heard the Spiffing Voice again.

"At least the devs put options into the school supplies, and some of them include actual interaction options later on in the game. Make sure you examine your options when choosing your supplies, the bog standard cheapest choices won't do you any favours down the track. Also, don't forget to pick something out for Hermione's birfday, it'll help fings along later."

Then the Voice was gone again.

"Alrigh' Harry, where d'yeh wanna star'?" Hagrid smiled down at him. Harry took the part of his letter he'd kept - the part with the list of supplies he'd need - out of his pocket and decided the smartest thing to do would be to get a trunk or backpack or something first to put everything else in.

The man at Trubshaw's Trunks took one look at Harry and asked: "Hogwarts?"

When Harry nodded, the man showed him the very cheapest trunk in the shop. It looked used, plain, and slightly beat up.

"Okay," Harry said as he acknowledged the trunk, "What's the best you've got?"

The man raised his eyebrows as he looked down at Harry, then looked up at Hagrid. "Alright, Mister..."

"Dursley." Harry replied. No sense getting noticed.

"Right, Mister Dursley. I'll warn you straight away they're quite expensive." He looked back to Hagrid as though Hagrid were in charge of his money.

Harry was glad of Hagrid's helmet, so the man couldn't see his face. "Okay." He said.

The man shrugged and pointed his wand at a trunk that was stuck high up on the wall. It was a beautiful burnished leather in dark burgundy, and was more of a thick briefcase than a trunk. It floated serenely down to land on the counter in front of him.

"This is our top of the line. It's charmed to be always featherlight, weatherproof, can be permanently locked to only you - unless you want someone else added to the lock, which can be done by you at any time. If it's locked to you then only you can move it. It has muggle-repelling charms which can be switched from repelling muggles to only showing them the non-magical insides of the trunk."

He opened it and turned it to show Harry, and inside the trunk was a neatly folded shirt, a blue and silver tie, and a pair of oxfords.

"What's a muggle?" Harry asked.

"Non-magical folk." The salesman replied. "The interior can be customized to your specifications, but it comes with a sitting room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. The decor inside is changeable at any time by accessing the options panel under the stairs."

"Wait. You mean there's a whole house in there?" Harry couldn't stop his voice from rising a whole octave.

"Not a whole house, just a sitting room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. There's plenty of bookshelves and other storage space as well." The man smiled at his reaction.

Harry couldn't believe it! He wouldn't even have to buy his own place, he could just live in his trunk! It was weatherproof and he could take it with him wherever he went! Brilliant !

"Um... Is there a way to put straps on it so I could wear it like a backpack?" He asked.

The man closed the trunk showed Harry the combination locks on the front. He pulled both of the little knobs next to the locks away from each other, and the thick leather bracing straps on the side popped upward to become shoulder straps.

"Brilliant, I'll take it. Does it come with an instruction manual?"

"The options panel has everything clearly labelled, but if you run into difficulty, just come back in and I'll be happy to help, young man." The salesman smiled at him.

"How much?" Harry asked.

"That'll be two hundred sixty-seven Galleons, twelve sickles and four knuts."

Harry took out his moneypouch and counted two hundred seventy Galleons.

"That's too much." The man said.

"Keep the rest as a tip, thanks for being so nice, mister." Harry shrugged his new house onto his back and headed for the door.

"Thank you, Mister Dursley! Come again any time." The salesman called as Harry and Hagrid left.

"Sure tha's alrigh', Harry?" Hagrid asked when they were outside, "Seems like a lot o' money fer a trunk."

"Positive, Hagrid, thanks for caring. I've got plenty. Do you have anywhere you have to go? This school list won't take too long, but I want to look around and maybe buy some food and other things as well."

"Nah, we should be fine Harry. I'll get back in plenty o' time. What's next on yer list?"

Harry took out the list and looked again. "Uniform, I guess."

Hagrid took him to a shop called Madam Malkin's Robes For All Occasions, and the lady who did the fittings was nice. She cast a spell on him that shrunk his clothes to fit him, then measured him every which way, sometimes twice. Harry was just happy she didn't ask him to take anything off. He didn't want to show anyone his scars, that would be horrible and embarrassing. Thankfully Madam Malkin knew exactly what to do for Hogwarts students, and Harry was outfitted in no time flat.

After that, they went to get Harry's telescope. There weren't many different kinds in the shop however, they all seemed fairly old-fashioned brass affairs with several spells on them to see through cloud cover and be waterproof and things like that. Harry picked one that was nice, but middle of the road. Harry took it down into his new house and set the telescope carefully on his new bed.

They went into the Potions Emporium after that, where he bought a very precise set of scales, a couple of different-sized cauldrons, three racks of self-replenishing empty phials for potions, and had a conversation with the shop owner about how to use the equipment and care for it. The shop owner was quite nice, and mentioned several books on potions for beginners that Harry planned to pick up at the bookstore if they had them. He also thought the shop owner thought he was weird and thought the helmet was his actual head. He kept mentioning he'd had potions accidents as well.

Harry decided to go to the bookstore next, and leave his wand until last. If he made duplicates of all the books he bought, then he had extras to lend or in case one got wrecked.

He took a long time in the bookstore, long enough that he thought Hagrid might get a little miffed. He got his schoolbooks taken care of first, then he found all kinds of brilliant books to read - household charms for cooking and cleaning, grooming charms for your hair and teeth and skin, healing charms for minor injuries, several books on potions in addition to the ones the potions shop had suggested, books on duelling, books on wizard law, books on Magicking traditions, history - just about anything he saw he wanted to read. He bought a lot of books, and then made copies of most of them.

"Sorry it took so long, Hagrid." He apologized once they left the bookstore.

"Nonsense Harry, it's great teh see yeh so interested. Yer mum an' da' were brilliant at magic, yeh know. Head Boy an' Head Girl at Hogwarts, they were."

"Really?" Harry eagerly drank the information.

Hagrid nodded with a grin. "Aye, yer parents were both top shelf, Harry."

"Great, I'm glad I picked up loads of books! I can't wait to start reading them." Harry was excited just to start learning any magic other than the duplicate spell. Duplicate was brilliant and useful, and he had no doubt there were other things just as interesting.

Hagrid just chuckled to himself, and they entered Ollivander's wand shop. After ten minutes and several near-disasters later, Harry left the shop with a wand made from Holly and a Phoenix feather. He was dead anxious to try it out. He supposed that most of the new students on the train tomorrow would probably feel the same.

"Wait! Hagrid, what do girls like for their birthdays? I forgot to get a gift."

"Erm... I guess ye couldn' go wrong with somethin' shiny? Mebbe a bracelet or sommat?"

Harry supposed that the fact he didn't even know the girl sort of limited his options, but Hagrid's suggestion was more than he had, so he ducked into a jewelry shop and picked up a locket in the shape of a book. The only ones they had were books and hearts, and hearts were dangerously girly. It was for a girl, that was true, but he didn't want to send any kind of weird messages. What if she turned out to be horrid like Dudley?

"Are there any just regular clothes stores here?" He asked Hagrid when they exited. Harry was more than fed up with wearing anything that had ever touched Dudley.

"I don' righ'ly know, Harry. Sorry." Hagrid said with a long face. "I should probably get back soon, too. Come on, I'll drop yer back to home."

"That's not my home. That's just where Vernon and Petunia live." Harry corrected him.

"I can't jus' leave yeh wanderin' the Alley, can I?" Hagrid tried to smile.

Harry's heart sank back down into cold despair. "No, I guess not."

"I'll come get yer first thing in the mornin' so yeh can get to the train, alrigh'?"

Harry nodded, too upset to speak. Though, even if Hagrid did drop him off there, Harry knew he could just immediately run to the park and set his trunk to repel normal people while he spent the night inside.

He followed Hagrid back to the place that they entered the Alley - just a blank brick wall from this side - and Hagrid tapped the bricks again. Harry spotted it this time, it was three away in each cardinal direction from a darker-coloured brick. It didn't do Harry any good however, as there was no way he'd be able to reach the topmost one even with his wand.

He followed Hagrid back into the Leaky Cauldron and outside into the non-magical world again. Hagrid put his goggles on, and Harry heard the Spiffing Voice again!

"After you've finished wiv school supplies, you can escape out of Hagrid's dialogue again outside the horribly cliched twelf-century pub. Just skip all the 'travelling' scenes where the game is loading the next area and just go straight to King's Cross so you don't have to be buggered about going to Surrey and back in order to get to the station that's just up the road. Our next exploit happens on the train-" Then the Voice was gone again, presumably forward onto the train.

In any case, Harry took the helmet and goggles off and placed them in the sidecar where he'd found them. When he finished, Hagrid closed his mouth again and busied himself starting the motorcycle and drove off.

Harry smiled to himself as he watched Hagrid take to the sky again, and a strange sunshiney feeling happened in his chest, a feeling he didn't have a name for, but it made him smile. He put his arm out to call a cab like he'd seen in one of Petunia's afternoon soap shows, and took it to King's Cross station. He had to be there for ten in the morning anyway, so he figured he could just set his trunk down in a quiet spot. He thought he probably wouldn't ever take a cab again after that, the driver and the car itself smelled of some rancid kind of smoke that made his stomach queasy.

As it turned out, there were shops at King's Cross station. Harry had never been before, and spent a good few minutes gawping at everything. There were clothing shops, food shops, book shops, coffee shops, all kinds! Harry bought himself a couple pairs of trousers, a few shirts, pants, socks, and a brand new pair of trainers that fit him wonderfully. With a big smile on his face, Harry set his trunk down next to a cigarette vending machine on platform nine, and climbed inside to organize his things and start reading books on how to use magic .

Chapter Text

Harry had the best night's sleep of his entire life.

He'd had a full stomach, and the bed was big and soft and so comfortable and warm that he didn't want to leave it even though he was completely awake. After he noted the clock on the wall said it approached eight in the morning, he reluctantly got up anyway, and showered and brushed his teeth. He'd seen there were spells for making your teeth perfectly clean, but he hadn't had a chance to study any yet.

He dressed himself in his school uniform, since he didn't think it was worth the effort of having to change on the train. He quickly learned that he was very thankful for ties that tied themselves.

His hair stuck up and out all over the place as it always did, but Harry had prepared for that. He bought himself his first ever hat - a cricket cap with King's X on the front. He pulled a fringe of hair over his scar, and smoothed the rest back while he put the hat on, and he had to admit it didn't look half bad.

He ate a whole apple for breakfast, and made sure he had his moneypouch in his pocket before he left. He placed a few books on the top stair for easy access when he closed the trunk behind him.

Harry knew there was no platform nine and three quarters, he'd looked around last night before he went into his trunk. He figured that there must be some kind of magic thing that popped up an extra track or something, so he sat on his closed trunk to watch and see what happened.

It was about fifteen minutes later when he saw a family approach. The child of the trio pushed a trolley full of cases, one of which bore the logo of Trubshaw's Trunks. Harry smiled and watched them curiously, while trying not to stare directly.

"As I thought, they don't use fractions when numbering the platforms." The father said quietly.

"Professor Sprout said you have to run at the inside of the archway that divides nine from ten, dad." The child replied.

"Sounds like a good way to get a trolley in the bol-" He cut himself off as his wife slapped his arm.

"It's magic, Timothy. At least wait until we see it's correct or not. Just because we don't know..."

"I know, I know. You're right, of course." He kissed his wife's head. "Go on then, try it without the trolley first. If you bump your noggin on the bricks, we've got bactene in the car."

The son stopped the trolley and nodded at his father. He took a deep breath and let it out, then dashed at the inside of the archway with his fists clenched in front of him.

He disappeared into the solid brickwork.

"Blimey!" The father breathed.

The son strode out of the brickwork again a few seconds later. "There's a whole other platform back there!" He whisper-shouted.

Harry smiled and thought 'Thanks for that'. He stood up and put his trunk on backpack-style, and walked by the family as they shared going-away hugs. The solid brick archway didn't vanish or flicker or anything as he walked through it. One second he walked straight at a solid brick arch, then next he was on an entirely different platform. He turned to face the way he'd come, and the arch was exactly the same on that side.

"Magic is so cool." He said quietly.

Harry climbed into the softly steaming crimson train and made his way toward the back so as to not be in anyone's way. He found a nice-looking empty compartment on the far side of the train that faced away from the platform, and took one of the books out of his trunk. He stowed his trunk in the overhead rack, and no sooner had his bum touched the seat, than he heard the Spiffing Voice again.

"Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, we're playing The Magicking World today, I've already shown you the infinite wealth exploit, and whilst this next little bit isn't exactly an exploit, it is a hidden 'feature' of the game. You see, the developers in their all-seeing, god-like wisdom, have actually put things into the game to actively bring you down, turn your success into a morass of self-inflicted defeat, and just generally make your life a neverending bloodsucking hell. After having been frough the game a few times, I can tell you that two fings wivvin the game have no benefit to you whatsoever, and instead of being irrelevant background flavour, they actually cause your stats to drain away over time. That's right, after you slave away being an adorable, precocious little horribly abused orphan sausage, they stop you at the door and kick you in the beans. Every single time you go back to the Dursley house - every single time, all your stats drain at the rate of one point per week. There is no benefit to going there, and the stat drain is the only effect. Needless to say, we won't be going there again during this playfrough."

That actually made a lot of sense to Harry. He felt so good to be away from there, he had to wonder if how he felt was how everyone else usually felt. He felt almost normal himself.

"The ovver no-benefit, soul-sucking monstrosity will happen to you on the train. It's a scripted event so you can't avoid it, even vough we avoided meeting the rest of the family by getting on the train early. You guessed it, ladies and gentlemen. Ronald Weasley, as far as I can tell, only exists in this game to keep you from increasing friendship values wiv every ovver character and stop you from increasing your mental stats. Luckily, even vough meeting the ginger leech is unavoidable, there are dialogue options to let you get rid of him. If you do manage to get rid of him, you have a chance to increase your friendship values wiv a host of ovver characters."

'What's a character?' Harry thought to himself. 'Right, make sure to get rid of Ronald Weaselly. Thank you, best friend Spiff'.

"Even Malfoy, the delightfully craven, majestic little ferret has a purpose wivvin the game, to introduce you to some of the possible Slyverin romance options. However, since we'll be going wiv Granger this time frough, we don't have to put up wiv his oily little brown nose and can use dialogue options to get rid of him as well."

'Get rid of Weaselly and Malfoy, got it'. Harry nodded. He waited for more from the Spiffing Voice, but nothing came.

"Moved on again, I guess." Harry shrugged. He was none too thrilled to learn there would be romance in his future, as it all seemed like a mess of nonsense whenever Petunia watched romances on telly. He sincerely hoped the Spiffing Brit would be around to advise him through that as well. With a sigh for his future troubles, Harry went back to his book.

He could hear other people moving about the train as he read, heard them fill the compartments around him. The train whistle blew a boarding warning, and just moments later the train lurched into motion.

The door opened a minute later to show a red-headed boy who cradled a rat in one hand.

"Excuse me, do you mind? Everywhere else is full." The boy said.

"I'm saving these seats for friends, actually. Who are you?" Harry didn't want to take a chance letting him in if he were Malfoy or Weaselly.

"Oh er, I'm Ron. Ron Weasley."

Harry frowned. If everywhere else were actually full, then he wouldn't mind passing the train ride in his trunk. He might be better off just giving Weasley the cabin and going about the train by himself. He was bound to meet someone nice.

Harry stood up and pulled his trunk from the rack. "They're overdue anyway, help yourself, I'll go look for them."

"Thanks." The boy said, and stood aside to let him out.

Harry didn't bother to put his trunk on his back, as it would make him wide enough to have trouble in the corridors. It wasn't heavy, so he just carried it. He noticed as he walked through the train that older kids tended to sit with each other, and left the younger kids like him to sit with each other. There were a few compartments that were less than half full, so right away Harry thanked the Spiffing Voice again. He didn't like dishonesty.

"Excuse me, have you seen a toad?" A boy asked him as he walked by. The boy was a bit pudgy, but nowhere near Dudley's pot full of paste status. He seemed a bit timid, but he had a worried frown. He was worried for his toad, and that fact made Harry like him just a little bit. It proved he cared, and Harry liked that.

"No, I haven't, sorry. I'll help you look if you like, I'm just wandering about anyway."

"You will?" The boy perked up. "Thanks so much. His name's Trevor. There's another girl going about helping me as well, we're both in a compartment near the front."

Harry stuck out his hand. "I'll wait near the front then if I find him. I'm Harry."

The other boy shook his hand with a grateful smile. "Neville. Thanks again, Harry."

Harry just grinned and nodded, and continued toward the front.

He counted twelve compartments that had kids his own age inside before he got to the front of the train, and took the opportunity since the lavatories were also there, to relieve himself. When he opened the door, he saw a toad sitting in the sink.

"Well, there you are Trevor. I suppose it stands to reason really, you are an amphibian. Harry put his trunk down on the floor and opened it, moved his books aside, and picked Trevor up. He descended the stairs and put the plug in the drain of the tub. He let the water run for a bit, just enough to give Trevor some water to splash in, then left him there. He replaced his books at the top of the stairs, then saw to his own needs.

Neville found him waiting patiently near the lavatories a few minutes later.

"Hey Neville. I found him." Harry said as he approached.

"You did?! Where is he? Where was he?"

"He was in the sink in the loo, trying to find some water. I ran a bath for him and left him in the tub so you know where is and he doesn't have to deal with all the people."

Neville frowned. "I didn't know there was a tub on the train."

Harry shook his head. "Not on the train. In my trunk."

Neville's eyes widened. "You've got a - can I see?"

Harry shrugged and put his trunk down, then opened it.

"That's brilliant." Neville whispered as he stared at the circular staircase inside.

"It's got lounge, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. I left Trevor in the tub, we'll go down and get him when we get to school if you want?"

"I'd love to!" Neville smiled. "Thanks, Harry, that was really nice. Trevor does get anxious with too many people about."

"My pleasure." Harry grinned. If he kept up this way, he might even make an actual friend!

"Wow." Said a girl's voice. "What's down there?"

Harry closed the trunk immediately, then stood back up. The girl had a bushy head of long brown hair that Harry thought looked really soft, and smelled clean and floral.

"Trevor's in there. Harry found him. Thanks for helping me look, Hermione. He was in the boy's loo."

"Was he? Pity, I couldn't have found him anyway." She turned to look at Harry. "You've got tape on your glasses, are they broken?" She didn't wait for him to answer, she just pointed her wand between his eyes. "Oculus reparo." She said, and his glasses mended instantly.

Harry snatched them off his face and looked at them. They were good as new. "Brilliant!" He smiled at her. "Thanks! I've only managed one spell so far, I only got my books yesterday. You must be a natural."

She smiled back at him, and Harry thought she had a particularly nice smile.

"Trevor's safe, should we go sit back down then?" Neville asked. "Can you come sit with us, Harry? Would that be alright Hermione?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude -" Harry started, but Hermione ran over him verbally.

"Of course that's fine, there should still be room with Hannah and Susan." Hermione turned on her heel and strode toward a door three cabins down on the left. Harry picked up his trunk and followed Neville into the compartment.

"We found him." Neville said as he entered. There was a redheaded girl with shoulder-length aubburn curls and a blonde girl in braids sat side by side already in the cabin.

Hermione strode in and sat across from the girls, while Neville sat next to the blonde girl.

"Harry's the one who actually found him, do you mind if he sits with us?" Hermione asked the girls.

The redhead frowned a little, but nodded at him. The blonde seemed more relaxed, she smiled at him and held her hand out.

"I don't mind. Hi, I'm Hannah, this is Sue." Harry shook her hand and then Sue's, then put his trunk on the rack above his seat. There was just enough space left.

"Holy cricket!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed, "You're Harry Potter! I just realized! I read about you in Modern Magical History, Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts, and Great Magicking Events of the Twentieth Century."

"You did?" Harry felt his eyebrows rise.

Hermione nodded. "Didn't you know? Goodness, I'd have found out everything I could if it was me."

Harry shook his head. "I only found out about magic last month. I only found out people knew who I was yesterday. I will find out everything I can, but I can't at the moment."

Neville, Hannah, and Sue just gawped at him.

"But... you're Harry Potter. What do you mean you didn't know about magic?" Neville asked incredulously.

That was kind of embarrassing, and Harry didn't even really know why. He felt his face start to heat up. He didn't really want to tell them about Vernon and Petunia or the fact that he'd been locked in a cupboard his whole life. It felt embarrassing. He knew normal kids didn't have to cook and clean or weed or trim rosebushes until their hands bled, and the thought of talking about it made him feel ashamed. Neville and Hermione didn't seem the sort to make fun of him for it, but he just wanted to stop being famous. He hoped the Spiffing Voice had some kind of solution for it soon.

"It's a bit weird if I'm honest." He said, "Two days ago I was nobody, just hoping for magic to be real, and now I find out I'm supposed to be this famous person that everyone thinks killed a bad wizard. But... I was just a baby. What can a baby do?"

"Hm," Hermione said, "You're right. Logically, it had to be something your parents did, not you. I've read babies can do accidental magic, but really you wouldn't have known what you were doing even if it was you and not your parents. It would have been accidental at the very best. It's smarter to assume it was something your parents did. Modern Magical History did say your parents were brilliant and gifted students. Head Boy and Head Girl the same year."

Harry smiled at her, and he could feel the weight of unwanted fame that pressed down on him ease off some. "Thank you. Yes, I'd like to think it was my mum and dad too. Until yesterday I had no idea I could do magic at all."

"But... You're the Boy-Who-Lived!" Sue said softly as she frowned. "You're a saviour. A hero."

Harry tried to be calm as he looked at her. "I had to grow up without my mum and dad, and it was not good. I'm going to keep believing it was my mum and dad who saved me until I find out one way or the other what really happened. I don't want to be the Boy-Who-Lived. I just want to be Harry. I want to learn magic and make friends and maybe have some fun before I graduate. That's all."

"I want to be a prefect and then Head Girl before I graduate." Hermione stated boldly.

"I have no doubt you will." Harry smiled back at her.

"I don't understand it, but I'll be your friend if you want." Hannah said.

"Yeah, me too." Neville nodded. "I think you're nice and you saved Trevor. I'm just a squib, but if you want a friend I'll try."

"Oh Neville, you are not a squib. Don't listen to them." Sue huffed.

"What's a squib?" Harry asked.

"A non-magical child born from two magical parents." Hermione recited. "Technically my opposite, since both my parents are non-magical."

"But Neville isn't one, he's just repeating what mean people say about him." Sue asserted. "If he was a squib, he wouldn't have gotten a Hogwarts letter. Squibs don't get accepted."

"Oh." Harry understood. "See Neville, there's proof. You're on the train, so you're not a squib."

"It still feels like it though." Neville said in a small voice.

"Now you're just being down on yourself." Hannah smiled at Neville, "Relax, Nev. You'll be fine. Try your best, that's all any of us can do."

"You've got friends to help, too." Harry smiled at Neville and Hannah.

"What if we get put in different Houses though?" Neville asked, a little wild around the eyes.

"That won't matter." Hannah said.

"What you mean Houses?" Harry asked.

"I reckon Gryffindor is the best," Hermione stated, "that's what I've read, anyway." She added after all eyes turned to look at her.

"Hogwarts is divided into four Houses, Hufflepuff for the loyal and hard-working, Ravenclaw for the witty and bookish, Slytherin for the cunning and sly, and Gryffindor for the brave and bold." Hannah explained.

"Hannah and I were hoping to get into Hufflepuff. What could be better than loyalty to your friends and hard work?" Sue said.

"That does sound pretty good." Harry admitted. "Why's Gryffindor the best?" He asked Hermione.

"I just read... that you have to be brave and..." Her voice got smaller as she went on, "I wanted to be brave and... make friends. I never had a friend before."

"I'll be your friend." Harry said. "I never had one before today either."

"Me too," Neville said, "It was really nice of you to help me look for Trevor. I'm hoping for Gryffindor too, just because I want to be more brave. I don't feel brave."

Hannah threw an arm over Neville's shoulders and squeezed him before she let him go. "Just relax, Nev. You worry too much." She looked over at Hermione. "I'll be your friend too. We might not see each other much if we're in different Houses, but I do think you're nice, even if you come across a bit strong."

"A... A bit strong?" Hermione raised her eyebrows at Hannah.

Hannah nodded. "You just need to relax. It's okay though, everyone's nervous today. New people, new school... If Sue wasn't here with me, I'd be the same. We've been friends for ages." Hannah grinned and leaned over to bump Sue's shoulder with her own.

Hermione looked a little crestfallen, but bucked herself up. "I see. I was... I was trying a bit hard if I'm honest."

"You don't have to try so hard, I already think you're nice." Harry smiled at her. Hopefully it would make her feel better. Truthfully he liked how brash she was, she clearly knew a great deal.

The door opened just then, and a skinny blonde boy entered. His hair was slicked back to his head with some sort of oil, and he wore expensive-looking robes made of a slightly shiny material that glinted in the light from the window. Two larger boys flanked him just outside the cabin.

"Any of you seen Potter? He's supposed to be on the train." The boy demanded.

"He's not here, Malfoy." Neville said.

Harry took note of that. Apparently the greasy blonde boy was the other nob-end that should be avoided.

"Of course he's not here, squib. Why would Potter sit with the likes of you?" He turned from Neville toward Harry in a dismissive manner. "Who're you then?"

"Dursley, not that it's any of your business." Harry replied.

"Hmph." The boy huffed. "Come on, lads. Should've guessed no real wizard would be sitting with a squib and a mudblood." He turned on his heel and marched out, followed by the two still-silent bookends.

"What did he call me?" Harry looked at Neville, Hannah, and Sue in confusion after the door had closed again.

"Not you, Harry. Me." Hermione answered. "I read about it in Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts. Apparently it's true that some people think that just because their family has had magicals in it for however many generations, that somehow makes them better than everyone else. It somehow gives them the right to rule over everyone else and treat everyone else like dirt. They call themselves Pure Bloods, and people like me who are first generation magicals with two non-magical parents Mud Bloods, because my blood is somehow dirty. You-Know-Who championed the Pure Blood cause, and most of the Pure Blood families followed him because of it."

Neville nodded. "My family, Hannah's, Sue's, and yours, Harry were among the few who opposed him and tried to stop him and his followers."

Harry frowned as he took the information in. It made sense why the Spiffing Voice had told him not to bother with Malfoy. What a git.

"It's like the worst insult there is." Sue added in a hateful voice.

"Hmph." Hermione huffed. "Only if I let it be. I could choose to be insulted, as Malfoy wants, or I could choose to laugh at it. It really is a bit silly if you think about it. I mean, if it had any kind of validity at all, there would be no such thing as a squib, right? Malfoy's blood is just as dirty as mine if you look at it from his perspective, since everyone has the same chance of having magical or non-magical children."

Sue laughed out loud. "You're right! Ha ha! That makes it even more stupid! Wait til I tell Auntie, she's going to crack!"

Hermione smiled at that, and just like that, everything seemed okay. Harry spent the rest of the train ride just talking with his new friends. The topic of birthdays came up, and Harry was both embarassed and quite pleased by it - pleased because he learned when Hermione's birthday was, and embarrassed because everyone else knew when his birthday was and he didn't. Vernon and Petunia always just said that Freaks didn't have birthdays.

The Sorting was a bit stressful for almost everyone, though Harry didn't mind it so much. He took note which House Malfoy was sorted into and asked the Sorting Hat to please not put him in Slytherin, despite the Hat's assertion that he'd do well there. Harry argued that it would be impossible to do well there if he had to avoid Malfoy being a git every five minutes. The Hat actually chuckled at that, and assigned him to Gryffindor. Harry was happy with that because Hermione and Neville were there, but also a little sad because Hannah and Sue went to Hufflepuff. He resolved to still be friends with Hannah and Sue regardless, since there wasn't anything saying he couldn't.

He thought he probably ought to read the actual rules of Hogwarts sometime soon, though.

Harry was a bit disappointed Ronald got into Gryffindor as well, but there wasn't anything to be done about it. He was lucky though, that Ronald had been assigned the bed farthest away from Harry's. Ronald was directly in front of the door, while Harry was tucked into the far corner next to Neville. He'd not met the other two dorm-mates Seamus and Dean yet, but it was fairly obvious that Dean was first-generation like Hermione, just from his familiarity with the non-magical world.

Harry showed Neville around the trunk once they were settled in their room, and whilst Neville collected Trevor, Harry filled one of his spare cauldrons half-full for him so he wouldn't dry out. Neville thanked him and kept it next to his bed.

Harry found out the very first week that he'd have to study two subjects all on his own - Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Potions. He also discovered that Hermione wasn't just knowledgeable, she was brilliant. Everything she talked about she'd actually studied and could do. She was always the first one to get her spells right in class, and she usually put her hand up to answer questions as well. Harry did sometimes too, when he knew the answers. His habit of retreating to his trunk to read and practice Potions saw him learning more of the answers, but Hermione had already done all the reading during the summer.

After the first week it became apparent that Neville too was having difficulty in Potions and Defense, so Harry invited him to hang out in his trunk and do some reading and practice Potions.

It turned out that Neville had never been exposed to potion-making either, so he also got a great benefit from the books that explained the properties of ingredients and how to stir things correctly and why things were stirred at all. Neville made so much progress over the next two weeks that he made Hermione a Wiggenweld potion, a Pepper-up potion, and some Murtlap Essence in a little gift box for her birthday.

Harry and Neville decided on an empty classroom on the second floor, and first thing before classes when the day came, Harry took his trunk and put it in that classroom before he went to breakfast. Neville, Hannah, and Sue had already decorated the inside in preparation.

In Charms class that morning they learned the Cheering charm. Hermione demonstrated it perfectly first try, of course. She'd been practicing her first year Charms since they arrived. Harry and Neville were both next, as they'd also practiced beforehand.

Hermione had a bit of a smile through lunch and their next two classes - even though one of them was Potions - and when the day had finished, Harry nodded to Neville, who nodded back. Neville stayed behind in the dungeons while Harry gently took hold of Hermione’s arm and guided her to the unused classroom on the second floor where Harry had placed his trunk.

“Harry, why are we in an empty classroom?” She eyed him askance.

“Right now we’re waiting for other people. After that, things will become clear.” He grinned at her, completely unrepentant.

Hermione just frowned at him and pursed her lips.

Neville, Sue, and Hannah turned up a few minutes later. Hermione had taken the opportunity to do some reading, but looked up from her book as they entered. Without a word, Neville opened the trunk for Hannah and Sue, who descended the stairs into it.

“Harry, is that your trunk?” Hermione asked.

“Yup.” Harry smiled. He went over to it and started down the stairs himself. “You coming?”

She packed her book back in her bag instantly, and hopped up to go to the trunk.

“Mind your head.” Harry said from below her as she climbed down the stairs. Harry closed the lid with a levitation spell while she descended, and she stopped at the bottom of the stairs to take in the balloons and banners and tinsel everywhere.

“Happy Birthday to you!” everyone sang, “Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Hermione, Happy Birthday to you!”

The banners read HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMIONE, the balloons were powder blue and mauve and gold and silver, and the furniture had been moved into a semicircle around the coffee table, whereupon sat a cake with twelve happily burning candles, surrounded by gifts.

Hermione’s eyes filled with water before she took a deep breath and smiled exuberantly at her friends. She hugged Neville and Sue and Hannah and saved Harry for last.

“Thank you. Thank you all, ever so much. I can’t believe you did all this for me...” She said as her eyes began to water again.

“So you hate it then.” Hannah said with a grin.

“She hates it. Told you we should have gone with a duckies and bunnies theme.” Susan agreed, only barely able to keep her mouth from twisting into a grin.

Hermione laughed and hugged them both again. “It’s brilliant, truly. Everything I could have hoped. Thank you all.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeves while Hannah pushed her bodily toward the coffee table.

“Make a wish!” She ordered gleefully as she plonked Hermione down in front of the cake.

Hermione looked back and up at all her friends and smiled, then blew out all her candles at once.

They cheered and clapped in return. Harry handed her a knife and fetched five plates and forks for them.

Hermione swallowed her first bite of cake while tears streamed down her face, and Harry’s happy mood crumbled and fell. She did hate it! She hated the party and his cake so much it made her cry!

“I’m sorry, Hermione. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.” He said softly. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Harry had only ever seen Dudley’s birthday parties before, and he thought they were supposed to be happy, boisterous affairs full of unreasonable demands and whingeing about not getting more than last year.

Instead of running away or hiding her face, Hermione put her plate down and wrapped her arms around him in a hug!

Harry was so confused.

He put his own plate down and tried to gingerly return the hug, hoping to not worsen Hermione’s condition with his lack of hug experience.

After a moment, Hermione let him go and wiped her face on her sleeve. “Sorry, I’m just ever so happy. I’ve never had a birthday party before.”

Harry frowned at that. "But... you're brilliant. Don't you have loads of friends? Do your mum and dad not believe in birthday parties?" No, she'd said on the train she'd never had a friend before. He'd forgotten.

Hermione shook her head.

"I'd forgotten you said you hadn't had a friend before, on the train." Harry said quickly, "Just as I said something I remembered." He patted her shoulder awkwardly. "Sorry."

Hermione smiled back. "I have you guys now, and I'm just so happy you even remembered."

"Any excuse for a party, especially with friends." Hannah grinned.

"I'm just glad you like it." Harry said, "I've never had a birthday party before either, so Neville and Hannah and Sue took charge of the decorations and things. I had no clue." He felt kind of awkward about that too, but they were so nice about showing him how things were done that they made it relaxed and fun for him, even when he went a little overboard on the tinsel and balloons.

When they finished their cake, Hermione opened her presents - starting with Hannah's, by her own demand. She'd transfigured something into a pair of barettes with yellow and black badgers on. Hermione hugged her again and enlisted her help in putting them on. They pinned her hair back from her face, and Harry couldn't help but think it was an improvement. He liked her wild, soft hair, but her face was so alive with excitement and joy that he thought he would remember it for a long time.

Sue had got Hermione three different coloured inks for writing with, and she practically squealed over them, though she promised to read about how to make inks dry translucent in order to mimic a highlighter.

She loved Neville's gift of potions as well, and kept all three of them in her school bag because "You never know when you're going to need one."

She went quiet when she opened Harry's gift and held up the locket.

"It opens, and you can put pictures inside." He explained, "I thought that was the neatest thing. You could have pictures of your mum and dad with you all the time."

She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed the worry straight out of him. "I love it, Harry!" She whispered. "Help me put it on?" She handed him the locket and then turned away and lifted her hair off her neck so he could. He'd never seen the back of her neck before, and for some weird reason, he really liked the shape of it. It was smooth and elegantly curved, smaller and more delicate than he'd thought, though he hadn't ever actually thought about what the back of anyone's neck looked like before. It was feminine - that was the word - and seeing it made him feel strangely excited in a way he had no words for. He swallowed against the new feeling, and filed it away for later thought as he put the necklace on her and fastened the clasp.

She showed it off proudly to Sue, Hannah, and Neville. They all thought it was very appropriate and pretty. For some reason, all three girls went into the bedroom to whisper to each other after that, so Harry and Neville chatted about other things.

The girls rejoined them a few minutes later with strange expressions on, but they all seemed happy so Harry didn't bother to ask them what the expressions meant. He could read anything from haughty disdain to holier-than-thou smugness to concealed hatred, but permutations of happy were lost on him. He was getting better at happy expressions, but he had only started to see them recently.

The rest of the party went swimmingly, he thought. They all played exploding snap for a while, and chatted about different things, including schoolwork. Hannah and Susan were boggled to learn that Neville had made Hermione's potions, so Harry invited them to start studying in his trunk when they had time. That turned out to be something Hermione liked even more than her gifts, and she hugged the stuffing out of him again.

Hannah and Susan couldn't get into the Gryffindor tower, so Harry said he would start bringing his trunk to the room it was in during the morning and picking it up near curfew so even if he wasn't there they could still read the books and learn to make potions. He altered the permissions on the options panel straight away so they could access it.

Harry showed the three girls where he kept all his potions supplies and equipment so they didn't have to rummage around, and then they all left the trunk to go to dinner.

Chapter Text

Harry had a grand time studying with his four friends. They took turns giving each other challenges as well, last week it had been Harry's turn, and Susan had challenged him to make a strength potion, which was all the way at the end of their first year potions manual. He divvied up the end result and they all drank it at the same time.

It tasted horrible , like stewed sick with bogeys in, but they had a great time afterward lifting each other off the ground with one hand. That had almost been worth the taste, but not quite.

Harry in particular wore a smile most of the time, since he finally knew what it was like to have friends and to have fun. Even more than that, he got up early every day just to go outside. It didn't matter that it was raining or snowing or muddy or cold. Harry went outside anyway and relished in the feel of nature on his face, the wind in his hair, and most especially the freedom to run. He ran every morning, no matter the weather. It was pure joy, pure freedom, and when the wind inevitably reddened his cheeks and the cold made his skin cold despite his inner warmth, Harry just took that as proof that he was free.

He took a nice long, hot shower when he went back inside to get ready for the day, and that put a smile on his face just by itself. He never thought he would ever experience such luxury, far less have it as a daily occurrance!

Harry very much enjoyed every day, and thanked his guardian voice Spiff for making sure that he could afford to keep his freedom.

Harry even loaned his beginner potions books to Dean Thomas a few weeks later. Harry had been reading ahead in Charms in the Common Room when Dean plunked down in the chair next to him and Hermione, who were side by side on the sofa.

"How do you two do it?" He'd asked.

"Do what?" Harry asked in reply.

"You two get roasted by Snape all the time, but you still manage to do well and finish your potions." Dean explained.

" Professor Snape." Hermione corrected.

Harry smiled at her. It was such a Hermione thing to be proper about forms of address, even when she hated the man as much as everyone else did. "We practice a lot." He said to Dean. "I also bought some beginner potions books before I came to Hogwarts. I can lend you the books if you want, we’ve already read through them a couple of times.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “Really? I thought..”

Hermione frowned. “You thought what?”

Dean shrugged. “You know... You’re Harry Potter and all...”

“So he just magically knew everything from the start?” Hermione asked, “You’ve been in class, you’ve seen Professor Snape’s attitude. Harry gets it worse than anyone, though I still don’t know why.”

“I didn’t know magic existed until a day before I got here.” He told Dean. “From what Hermione says, the rest of the muggleborns got more time to adjust than I did.”

Dean’s face raised into shocked surprise. “But... but...”

“Honestly.” Hermione said in an exasperated tone, “You’re muggleborn, but you’re acting like it’s just okay to believe everything you’ve heard. Haven’t you noticed that wizards and witches don’t seem to have a shred of common sense?”

Harry got up and dashed up the stairs to the dorm, grabbed the potions books off the shelf in his trunk's workroom, and returned to his spot on the sofa. Dean had some pink in his cheeks and looked properly ashamed, so Harry just held the books out to him.

"Here, read these. They helped me a lot."

“Me too, and I’d already read the text book.” Hermione added.

Dean flashed a smile. “Thanks, that’s nice of you.”

“You’re welcome, hope it helps.” Harry grinned and went back to his book as Dean set the books on the side table, picked up the top one, and relaxed into the chair with it.

The next day when Harry got to the Great Hall, he saw bats in the rafters, jack-o-lanterns on the tables, and black and gold streamers from one side of the hall to the other.

“Happy Hallow’s Eve, Harry.” Neville said as Harry sat next to him.

“Hallow’s... oh, Hallowe’en. Happy Hallow’s Eve, Nev. Are we supposed to do anything for Hallowe’e - er, Hallow’s Eve? I don’t, I mean, I’ve never...”

“Relax, Harry.” Neville grinned. “Gran says there are some rituals that you can do because Hallow’s Eve is a special night for the Magicking World, but I don’t know any of them. Mostly to me Hallow’s Eve means decorating and attending a social function I don’t want to go to. It’s worse when we’re hosting, because I have to clean up after. There won’t be any of that this year though now that we’re at school.”

“For me it means handing out candy to Trick-or-Treaters at the door.” Hermione said glumly from Neville’s far side. “My parents used to make me dress up and go myself when I was little, but I never had any friends to go with. This is a much better year, I’ll agree with Neville on that score.”

Harry relaxed then, as he realized nothing would be expected of him that he wasn’t prepared for. He ate breakfast with his friends, then they all walked to Charms class.

“I’m a bit surprised you’re so...” Hermione whispered to him as they walked.

“So...?” He whispered back.

“So normal. So relaxed.” She said. “With Hallowe’en being the anniversary of your parents’... The night You-Know-Who...” She bit both her lips and her eyes told him she just couldn’t bring herself to say the rest. It didn’t matter, he understood.

“It is?” He felt his eyebrows rise, as his stomach sank. “I never... I mean, nobody ever told me...”

Hermione’s bottom lip stuck out then, and she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“How did you...?” He whispered as he tried to hug her back, but his heart was all a-jumble.

“Great Magicking Events of the Twentieth Century.” She answered.

“Oh.” He said softly. Everyone knew. It was in a publically available book, but nobody had ever bothered to tell him. One more reason to hate Vernon and Petunia.

Harry tried to pay attention in class, he really did. He usually quite enjoyed Professor Flitwick’s class, but he was so distracted that he only half-heartedly demonstrated the Levitation Charm on his feather.

Hermione had done it perfectly first try, of course. So did Neville. Harry could have too, since they’d all practiced together, but Harry’s mind was on his parents. He wondered if they were upset that he’d never thought about them on Hallowe’en before.

He could tell Hermione was worried about him, she had that line between her eyebrows that she got when she was worried about something, so he did his best to reassure her.

Ron Weasley sat next to Dean, who was on Harry’s left, and even through the muddle of his thoughts, Harry could hear the ginger get more and more frustrated throughout the class.

“Wingardyum LevioSAR!” Ron said, over and over. He didn’t even try any variation at all, he just kept mispronouncing the incantation and slashing his wand at the feather like he was trying to cut it. Naturally, his feather ignored him. Of course, since it wouldn’t do what he wanted it to, Ronald got angrier and angrier.

Near the end of the class, Hermione's patience wore out and she tried to help Ronald.

“It’s WinGARdium LeviOsa.” She explained with perfect pronunciation.

Ronald just glared hatred at her while his face turned red as well. “Who asked you?!” he shouted, “Mind your own business, bloody know-it-all!”

Harry snapped out of his stupor then, and turned to look at Ronald, who had his wand pointed at Hermione. He turned to look at Hermione, and the look on her face was shocked. Even worse was the tears that slowly filled her eyes.

Harry nudged Hermione's shoulder with his own, and levitated Ronald's chair with him in it to the corner of the classroom, facing the wall.

"Ten points to Gryffindor for excellent Charms work, Mister Potter!" the Professor said, "Five points from Gryffindor for Mister Weasley's terrible display, and five points from Gryffindor for using Charms on another student, Mister Potter. Please don't do it again."

"Sorry Professor." Harry said, then turned to Hermione. "You don't let Malfoy's insults get to you, so don't take Ronald seriously. I know you're just trying to help. You're brilliant and a nice person and he doesn't deserve your time or attention."

Hermione smiled back at him and wiped the corners of her eyes where tears had started. "Thanks Harry." She said with a brave grin.

“I'm glad you're my friend.” Harry grinned back. “That’s what he gets for never studying.”

Hermione nodded and smiled at him, but that smile was slightly different somehow. Harry wasn’t sure exactly how, but he could tell it was.

Professor Flitwick left Ron in the corner.

That night at dinner, just as Harry, Hermione, and Neville were finishing their afters, Professor Quirrell ran into the Great Hall and shouted that there was a troll in the dungeons. Everyone started to panic, and some students even started screaming, though Harry didn’t know why. It was true he didn’t know what a troll was, but surely it couldn’t be scream-worthy? It wasn't even in the room with them. Besides that, if something was dangerous, screaming was exactly the wrong thing to do anyway. Harry knew that from experience.

Headmaster Dumbledore then told the prefects to take headcounts and then escort the students back to their dorms ! Harry couldn’t believe he’d heard the man correctly. Slytherin and Hufflepuff dorms were in the dungeons! It was like saying everyone in Slytherin and Hufflepuff should go fight the troll!

He looked at Hermione, and he could tell she thought the same thing. Even Neville’s face reflected how stupid that order was.

Before he knew what he was doing, Harry stood up on the bench. “Headmaster!” He shouted, “Slytherin and Hufflepuff dorms are in the dungeons! Why are you sending them to TOWARD THE TROLL?”

Headmaster Dumbledore ignored him entirely and addressed the Prefects. “Proceed to your common rooms in an orderly fashion.” He directed them, “Off you go.”

“What?!” Neville spat under his breath, “He just completely ignored you, Harry! It’s like he doesn’t even care!”

“I - I’m sure Headmaster Dumbledore knows what he’s doing...” Hermione said in a tremulous voice. The bend of her eyebrows and the lip between her teeth gave the lie to her words.

“Right you lot! Settle down!” The male Gryffindor prefect shouted down the table. A green spark seemed to lift from each of their heads and race to the tip of his wand, where a number appeared. “Alright, we’re all accounted for, ‘Stine! Everyone follow Ernestine back to the dorm! Let’s go!”

As there was no other choice, Harry climbed down to stand with Neville and Hermione as they were all shuffled out of the Great Hall and up the stairs toward the Gryffindor dorms. Everyone slowly filed out of the Great Hall and into the hallways, only for the Gryffindors and the Ravenclaws to get held up by the staircases.

“This is insane.” Neville whispered. “Gran is going to absolutely flip. No, forget Gran, Susan’s Aunt is going to lodge her boot up the headmaster’s backside.”

The Ravenclaws flooded onto the staircase as it aligned with the proper landing to connect them to their tower, and they all continued up toward the seventh floor. The staircase then swung lazily around, but refused to connect with the landing that would take them to the Gryffindor common room. Harry glanced around at the other Gryffindors, there wasn't a single witch or wizard who wasn't scanning the hallways around them with worried eyes.

In the stories he'd read in the library trolls were usually bad news, but it seemed like the real thing was even worse.

Finally the staircase aligned properly, and the Prefects both shouted at them all to go. It didn't matter whether Harry was ready to go or not - as the first-years were the center of the group, they were pushed along by everyone behind.

Just as Ernestine was about to step onto the staircase that led from the second to the third floor, the staircase swung wildly and connected to a descending staircase that went back to the first floor. At the same time, the staircase they'd just come from turned and connected to the west wing, effectively trapping them all on the second floor.

Harry, Hermione, and Neville watched with interest as Ernestine turned to look at the back of their group where the male Prefect was. "We'll have to go back down a floor and take the long way around, we might be stuck here for fifteen minutes or more!"

The male Prefect sighed and nodded, his mop of red curls bouncing to and fro as he did so. "Alright, listen up you lot!" He shouted, "We're heading back down to -"

"No!" A voice cried from just behind Neville. "I'm not going down, there's a troll down there!"

"We ARE GOING down a flight, so that we can loop around and go up to the seventh floor from -" The male Prefect tried to explain, but he was cut off.

"No!" Ronald Weasly shoved Hermione into Parvati as he exited the group of students and ran down the second floor hallway they were in.

"Get back here, Ronald!" The male Prefect shouted at him as he ran off down the hall.

Ronald shouted back at them, "No way! Stuff you, Perce!"

Harry and Neville kept Hermione and Parvati from falling down, though Harry was not prepared for how heavy Hermione was and almost joined her in a heap on the floor. Neville fared a little better with Parvati, and Harry thought Neville must be a bit stronger than he was. He knew Spiff said strength didn't matter, but he was still just a tiny bit jealous.

"Everyone stay put, I'll be back in a second!" Perce said to Ernestine over the group, then dashed down the hall and around the corner after Ronald.

Seconds later, a horrendous crash and a thump they could feel in the soles of their feet happened, followed by a high-pitched scream coming from the direction the two Gryffindors had run. A deep, bestial roar sounded, and made everyone's hair stand on end.

The male Prefect rounded the corner again at a quick clip with Ronald's limp form over his shoulders.

A wave of stench followed him as he neared the group, and a huge form - bigger than Hagrid! - followed him. It was grey and rubbery, and wore nothing but a disgustingly dirty loincloth. Its feet were the size of Dudley, and its stomach the size of Vernon. It's arms were also thick with muscle, and it dragged what looked like a fallen tree behind it as it approached.

The upper year students moved to put themselves between the troll and the first years, and suddenly the air was filled with flying spells. Before the troll had taken ten steps toward them it roared again, this time in pain and frustration as its club floated away from it, its loincloth shrank and lifted it to smack its head on the ceiling, and it was wrapped head to toe in huge thick ropes that appeared out of nowhere and pinned its arms to its sides.

The troll gave a weak, confused and somewhat higher-pitched roar as it toppled to the floor and groaned.

"Ernestine, Oliver and Penelope stay with me, we'll keep watch on the troll. The rest of you get to the dorm however you can and stay put until Professor McGonagall says it's alright to leave. Fred and George, take Ron to the hospital wing."

Two tall red-headed twins took Ronald's limp form from the Prefect and carried him off, slung by one arm each between them.

The older students marched off down a set of stairs, so Harry just followed them. Even though it had been two months, Harry wasn't sure he could get to the dorms from that direction. He let go of Hermione once he realized he still had hold of her, and she grabbed his hand as they walked. He barely noticed though, as they were all quite distressed by their encounter with the troll.

When they finally reached the Griffindor common room, the portrait door was already wide open.

"Go on in, dears. That's it, hurry hurry." The Fat Lady shooed them with an anxious look. All the furniture in the common room was already taken up by other students, so Harry sat on the floor with his back against the back of a sofa. Hermione sat next to him, and Neville and Parvati sat on his other side.

"That was pretty scary." Harry said quietly. "I guess that's what a troll looks like."

"It's not even in our first year books." Hermione said a little shakily, "Not even in Defense against the Dark Arts."

"It stank so bad!" Parvati said with a grimace.

"Too bad there isn't any anti-troll perfume to spray." Harry nodded to Parvati. The troll did smell really bad.

"I'm glad we had the upper-years with us." Neville added, "Do you think we'll be able to take down a troll when we're older?"

"We shouldn't have to." Hermione frowned. "How did it even get in ? There are protections all around the school specifically to keep things like this from happening!"

"There are?" Neville's eyebrows rose.

Hermione nodded forcefully. "It says so in 'Hogwarts: A History'."

"Have you finished with it?" Harry asked, "It sounds like it has some important facts, would you mind if I read it?"

Herione smiled at him and bolted up the stairs to her dorm, only to return a moment later with a thick tome. "I would love to have someone to talk with about it. Please read it."

Harry smiled back as he accepted the book. "Thanks, I will." He liked talking to his friends, and Hermione constantly spouted facts like she knew everything about everything, and Harry thought she must be the smartest person he ever met. Neville was the smartest person about plants though, he knew things about plants that Hermione listened to quietly, so he knew Neville was brilliant on the subject. Both of them made him want to know more about everything than he did. He still looked forward to finding a subject he really loved though, as he hadn't yet. Although... It would be highly useful to study threats of all kinds, in order to know how to deal with them. That meant magical creatures as well as curses, jinxes and hexes. Even if it turned out he didn't love the subject, it would be thoroughly useful to know.

Professor McGonagall stepped through the portrait door when Harry was on chapter three. Katie Bell had joined him and his other friends and was reading over Harry's shoulder while Hermione and Parvati and Neville chatted.

"The troll has been removed from the castle." Professor McGonagall announed. Hermione's hand raised immediately.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" The Professor asked. Harry thought she looked like she suppressed a sigh.

"How did the troll get into the castle, Professor? Aren't there anti-troll protection spells on the castle?"

"The Staff are investigating, Miss Granger." Was all Professor McGonagall said before she left.

Hermione frowned at that, and it wasn't until three chapters later that Harry found out why. According to Hogwarts: A History, the protections around the school reported to the Headmaster, so he would have known the instant the Troll set foot in the castle.

The fact that he had known and done nothing about it was disturbing. The fact that he had known and deliberately decided to send half the students in the school into the path of the troll was very disturbing. Then again, Harry was reminded of the admonishment the headmaster had given at the start of the year about dying a gruesome death on the third floor.

Having been subjected to regular violence, Harry had taken the headmaster at his word and not chuckled about it as Ronald Weasley had done.

Looking back on it, Harry realized that what he had taken seriously as a dire warning might to others - most notably the Weasley twins - have seemed an irresistable challenge. It was almost like the headmaster had thrown the warning out as bait.

Well, one thing was certain to Harry in that moment. He wanted nothing whatever to do with the headmaster or the third floor or whatever was happening behind the scenes. He would learn as much as he could and keep out of whatever trouble was brewing. The first thing he wanted to do was learn how to get away from a troll, in case that happened again.

The next day he spent hours next to Hermione in the library as he researched whatever he could about trolls. He found out that the grey-skinned kind that had been in the castle was a Mountain Troll, common in the scottish highlands. They ate meat, fought with each other frequently, and never bathed. Apparently female trolls were attracted to whichever troll smelled the strongest, whether that was a pleasant smell or not. Males, the book said, didn't have much of a sense of smell at all and Harry thought that was probably a good thing for them.

Chapter Text

Classes continued without interruption, and after two weeks of being ignored by all the professors, even Harry had lost any sense of urgency about the troll. After two months the only urgency he felt was toward keeping up with his homework. Hermione had the right idea on that score - if he got it out of the way as quickly as possible, then he had leisure to revise and make changes before he handed it in. It made his homework better quality, and he remembered more of it doing it that way.

Professor Snape was still a massive git, and seemed to only hate Harry more and more for being competent in his class and answering questions correctly. It seemed like at least once a class he would hover near Harry and Hermione as they worked on their potions, almost like he was trying to make them stuff something up.

He'd caught the Malfoy boy trying to throw things into his cauldron as well, unsuccessfully. The first time it happened, Malfoy missed by a mile and got slug slime on Seamus's jumper. After that, Harry made sure to keep one eye on the git while he worked, and blocked several other ingredients before they could get into his potion. It was the third time that Professor Snape vanished Harry and Hermione's potion samples and gave them a Troll grade for handing nothing in that Harry just turned and left the classroom with a furious Hermione close behind.

"He can't do that!" She shouted when they got back to the common room. Harry was also furious, but he was thinking of ways to prove that Snape was deliberately tanking their grades.

"Clearly he can and will." Harry answered as a lightbulb went off in his head. "However, in order to prove he's lying, we'll need evidence." He held out his hand to her, and she put hers in his and he led her to the abandoned classroom where he kept his trunk during the day. Once inside, he went straight to the options panel and re-configured his trunk to add a walk-in cupboard behind each of the potions stations he'd added for friends. Inside the new cupboard was rows and rows of potion vial racks, enough for the whole year.

"If we take samples of each of our own potions," he explained, "Write the date on them and keep them here, then we have evidence we can use to dispute the grade at the end of the year. He can't get in here to vanish them, and if we can produce a sample of each and every potion we made, the examinations board at the ministry will have to overturn his stupid unfair nonsense. At least, I hope so."

Hermione wiped her eyes on her sleeve and immediately hugged the stuffing out of him. "Harry, that's brilliant!" She said when she let him go. "The Hogwarts bylaws also say we can have an independent third party examiner confirm or refute results, so this is perfect. We'll start next week, that way we can let everyone know during practice this weekend."

Harry grinned back. "Good idea."

Defense was even worse. Occasionally Professor Quirrell would say something teacherish and Harry jotted it down, but for the most part Defense class was nothing but horrible-smelling revision. Hermione, Susan, Hannah, Neville, Wayne, Padma, Kevin, and Sally-Anne all treated the actual class as review time, as they all had scheduled a Defense Study Group for Wednesdays after dinner. They had all covered the material, but every week a different person led the group on a different Defense subject. The person 'hosting' the lesson that week had to do a little extra research and present something about the topic that hadn't been covered in the book or class, including practical application.

Harry thought it worked out pretty well - so well that it drew new friends to their group, sometimes weekly. Dean Thomas joined, then Justin Finch-Fletchley from Hufflepuff. Harry recognized him as the boy who had showed him how to get onto platform nine and three quarters.

Between making sure he had three samples of each potion - one to hand to Snape and two extra to store - and studying ahead for Defense in addition to keeping his grades up in the other classes, it was December twelfth before Harry realized school would be over at the end of the week for winter break. With a shot of adrenaline racing through him, he quickly started a list of what to get his friends for Christmas. Thankfully he'd already picked up a couple of ideas just from regular conversation, but he talked to most of his friends again to ask ideas about other friends.

The train ride back to King's Cross was both uneventful and terrifically fun. Harry had a great time wandering about between several compartments that held friends and spending time talking to the whole group. He didn't even mind when Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy turned up to try to antagonize them. Harry was sat next to Hermione in a full compartment, and didn't stop smiling when Malfoy opened the door.

"Hey, Malfoy!" Harry said, still smiling, "Happy christmas. You too, Crabbe, Goyle."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you Potty." Malfoy spat, obviously without taking the time to think about what Harry had said. Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other with semi-confused expressions.

"Well yeah." Harry replied, "Everyone should have a happy christmas."

Draco's face went confused like Vincent and Gregory's for a moment before it dropped back into its habitual sneer and he turned and stalked off back the way he'd come.

"Happy christmas." Crabbe said with a brief grin.

"Happy christmas." Goyle echoed, before they both followed Draco.

"That was very nice of you." Hermione said with a smile.

Harry shrugged. "Just because I don't like him doesn't mean he deserves to have a miserable holiday." He smiled back at Hermione, and the moment put a warm feeling in his chest. Harry used the loo to change into his regular everyday clothes, and wore his cricket cap since he knew he'd be in Diagon.

They said their goodbyes at the station as their group of friends broke up to leave with their families. Harry followed Susan and Hannah to the floo and waited for them and Hannah's parents and Susan's aunt to disappear in green flames before he tried it himself. They both said that they had flooed to Diagon Alley before, so Harry was reasonably confident when he took a pinch of powder and said "Diagon Alley" before stepping into the green flame.

The travel itself was quick since he wasn't going far, and as his feet touched down, for some reason he felt pushed forward and landed on his belly in front of the floo.

He picked himself up and dusted himself off, and made his way up the alley toward Gringott's and his meeting with Ungrog, his accounts manager.

Ungrog was singularly taciturn and unhelpful, though he did offer Harry a bit of grudging respect when Harry asked for a muggle debit card that could be used in lieu of cash. Ungrog had one made for him, and then gave him his accounts ledgers and advised him to get to know them, then respectfully kicked him out of his office. Harry didn't mind, he'd rather learn things on his own anyway. On the way out he stopped at the tellers in the lobby and converted galleons to ten thousand pounds sterling, which he immediately put into his trunk. Having extra cash on hand would be a good thing if he found himself somewhere without debit service.

Once all his banking was sorted, Harry made a beeline for Ollivander's, where he purchased a wand holster for each of his friends. When Harry mentioned one was for Neville, mister Ollivander got a frown immediately.

"I've not seen mister Longbottom for his wand yet." The old gentleman said, so Harry paid for Neville to get a wand as well, and put the gift certificate for it inside the holster. He knew Neville was having difficulties keeping up on the practical side of things, so maybe a new wand would help. Mister Ollivander said the wand chose the wizard, after all.

With christmas gifts sorted, Harry headed to the owl post office to see what kind of mail magic was available. He didn't have an owl of his own, and even if he did he wouldn't want to tire the poor thing out by making it fly all over the country a dozen times.

It turned out they had a thing called an Apportator Receptacle (patented) which, for a small monthly fee, let the post office magic his mail directly to a mailbox, which was also provided for a one-time fee. It also let Harry put things in it to be mailed, and they were magicked directly to the post office. Naturally Harry opted for the 'premium version', which came with Screening Service. That meant the post office wouldn't just give him everything addressed to him, they'd check every letter and parcel first for suscpicious charms and substances. It also wouldn't let any Howlers through. After being in the Great Hall when Ronald Weasley got one, Harry counted the service worth the price just for that. Feeling good about his efforts, Harry left Diagon through the Leaky Cauldron and had his very first ever curry for dinner.

It would not be his last.

He stayed the night inside a locker in the men's changeroom of an exercise club, and since his trunk had the muggle-repelling charm active, nobody even saw him climb in. The next day he opened chequing and savings accounts at Barclay's. He gave the address of the owl post office on the forms, and transferred a hundred thousand sterling from his Gringott's debit card. They gave him a Barclay's debit card as well for his chequing account, and Harry happily trundled through London for the day.

He saw thousands of shops, and even stopped in a few. He bought gift wrapping supplies and spent most of the afternoon figuring out how to wrap things and then doing so. When he was finished he was too tired to go look for a place to eat dinner, so he just made himself a sandwich and called it done.

The next day he mailed all the gifts via his new mail box before he set out. After a couple of hours he found himself near parliament, so he joined a tour. Near the end of the tour he backed out of the group, as he'd spotted the passport office. Harry didn't have a passport and knew he'd need one for travelling anywhere that wasn't Britain, so he stopped in and filled out all the forms.

After another delicious curry, Harry did some thinking as he wandered happily about London. He came to the conclusion that he'd pretty much done everything he could think of as far as his future plans went, at least so far. He relaxed then, and spent the rest of the winter break just walking around London, seeing all the gardens and the shops and having an absolute cracker of a time at the Museums.

He received lots of parcels in his mail box, gifts from each of his friends for the most part, along with a couple of letters from people he'd never heard of. When christmas day arrived, he opened each of his gifts, smiling like a loon the whole time. Actual gifts! For him! With nary a Dudley in sight to ruin it.

He wrote thank you letters to each of his friends straight away, and spent the rest of the break reading and brewing potions and just relaxing. He made sure to get some exercise each day, and even spent some time mimicking the exercises performed in one of the martial arts gyms he'd seen. He had no idea about any of the martial arts done, but as everyone looked very fit, he thought he could do worse than to imitate their exercises.

Like all good things, break was over much too soon. As Harry sat on the express, he was both sad he had to go back and excited to, both to continue learning and to see his friends again. However, rather than any of his friends, the door opened and Gregory Goyle sat down across from him.

"Hey Goyle." Harry said, "Good holidays?"

Gregory shrugged. "Good enough I guess. My sister is annoying. At least I didn't have to put up with Draco too much."

"Why do you hang around with him if he's such a git all the time?" Harry asked.

Goyle shrugged again. "It's expected. Dad says I have to look out for him 'cause his father is important."

"I used to live with my cousin, and he had a gang that would chase after me and beat me up if they caught me. Nobody liked my cousin, but they hung around with him anyway, so I sort of understand I guess." Harry said.

Goyle's face went gawpy. "You... got beat up?" He asked, like he couldn't comprehend the idea.

Harry nodded. "His parents, the aunt and uncle I had to live with, hate magic and hate me because of it. I slept in the cupboard under the stairs and they used to lock me in to starve whenever there wasn't work to be done. Doesn't matter so much now though, I'm free and I'm never going back there."

Harry silently thanked the spiffing voice for that again.

"But... what about all your adventures and your blue castle and Veela servants and your pet dragon?" Goyle asked.

Harry laughed. "My what? I never had any of that, I had chores and beatings and being locked in the cupboard. Where did you get all that nonsense?"

Goyle frowned. "But that's what it says in the books."

Harry took a chance, and lifted his shirt up as he turned so Goyle could see his back.

"Fuckin' 'ell." Goyle whispered.

"That would be a wonderful dream, but it's nothing to do with my life." Harry said sadly. "Whoever wrote that was lying."

Goyle frowned hard, like he was trying to make his eyebrows merge. Harry let him think, and just sat in comfort while Goyle wrestled with whatever had hold of his thoughts.

"Did you know you was a wizard then?" Goyle asked after a minute.

Harry shook his head. "I found out about magic when I got my letter. I never even talked to anyone unless I was at school. Non-witches and wizards start school all together when they're five. Though because Dudley's the same age as me, he made sure to beat up anyone I talked to, so I hardly talked to anyone at school either after the first year or so."

"You went to muggle school?" Goyle's eyebrows shot up.

Harry nodded.

"Woss it like?"

"You never go muggle side, do you?" Harry asked in return.

Goyle shook his head. "Dad says muggle town is filthy and primitive."

Crabbe opened the door then and saw Goyle, closed the door and took a seat next to him before he even saw Harry. "Wot you doin' 'ere?" He frowned at Harry.

"Relax." Goyle said to Crabbe. "We was just talkin'." He stood up then, as if Crabbe's presence reminded him of a need to be elsewhere.

"Have a good christmas?" Harry asked Crabbe.

"Yeh." Crabbe grinned back.

"Come on, we should go." Goyle said to Crabbe.

"If you're interested, we have Defense Club on Wednesday nights near the armoury. Come and try it out, see if you like it." Harry offered.

Goyle grunted something Harry didn't catch, but Crabbe nodded before he closed the door. "Okay." He said, "Thanks."

Five minutes after they left, Hermione pulled the door open and squealed as she pulled him to his feet and wrapped her arms around him. "I love it!" She gushed, and made her wand appear in her hand and disappear back into the holster a few times. "It's ever so convenient."

"Thank you for the brilliant muffler as well, it came in very handy." Harry hugged her back, and then she sat beside him. They didn't have any more time to talk though, as the rest of their friends started to filter in then. The ride back to Hogwarts was just as brilliant as the ride to London had been, and was over in seemingly no time.

They were shuffled directly into the Great Hall for dinner when they arrived back to Hogwarts, and Harry was immediately told by professor McGonagall to report to the headmaster's office after dinner.

When he arrived, the Gargoyle stepped aside and admitted him straight away.

"Harry my boy, come in, come in." Headmaster Dumbledore invited genially. When Harry approached the desk, however, Dumbledore was suspended, just like Hagrid, leaving his mouth open whilst Harry heard a different voice.

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! If you're just joining us, we're playing The Magicking World, a brand new offering from Harbour Opener games wherein you play a horribly abused and neglected little orphan whose slow and tedious recovery is meant to be utterly sabotaged by the very individuals he's meant to look up to! Oh no no no. That won't happen to us, of course, because we have the power of Exploits! Yes, beautiful, wonderful, majestic Exploits! So far in this playfrough I've shown you the Infinite Wealth exploit, and explained about the stat point drain whenever you return to Privet Drive or associate with Ronald Weasley. Currently our poor little orphan sausage is being berated and guilt-tripped by the headmaster because he didn't return to Privet Drive to get drained and depressed like ol' Dumblebritches had planned.

"I've interrupted to take this opportunity to point out there are a number of spicy little secrets in Dumblebumble's office, and access to the office is scarce at best. First of all, because we didn't choose to stay at the school over the hols, our disturbingly disingenuous Gandalf stand-in didn't get the opportunity to gift us our own favver's cloak . That's right ladies and gentlemen, Gandalf the Cheap got you a christmas gift you already own . So we'll just go ahead and plonk that straight into our inventory from the desk drawer."

Harry frowned at the mouth-agape headmaster. "Why have you got my father's cloak?"

Naturally, professor Dumbledore didn't answer, being suspended as he was.

Harry didn't like that, not at all. The old man had kept something that belonged to his father away from him for ten years. TEN YEARS! How did he even get it?

He opened the drawers until he found a package wrapped in plain brown paper with "Happy Christmas Harry" written on the front. He pulled the package open, and inside was a note and a cloak made of soft, light, silvery material. Harry opened his trunk and put it on the top stair, and then left the trunk open in case his best friend Spiff pointed out something else to take.

"Now that we've regained our stolen priceless artifact, I'll draw your attention to the second cabinet along the left wall. The top shelf has four pointless little geegaws that chuff and whirl and how quaint and lovely... except that they were made wiv our blood for the express purpose of invading our privacy! Oh Harbour Opener, why have you gone full Big Bruvver on us? Everyone knows only our immortal sovereign the Queen can have that kind of omniscience!"

Harry put all the little devices in his trunk as well while Spiff kept on.

"Because of some of the Exploits I'm going to show you later on, we won't bovver wiv duplicating or removing Dumbledore's wand, our little orphan sausage hasn't learned to disarm or summon yet, so it wouldn't have much point anyway. We will use it, however, to remove the tracking charms and ovver fings our dear, not-at-all-villainous, ultimate re-gifting headmaster has attached to our mercilessly low-jacked little sausage. Just use the nobblywand to cast the general countspell on yourself, and there you go."

Harry picked up the headmaster's wand from his desktop and pointed it at himself, still fuming over the unexplained invasion of his life committed by someone he was supposed to be able to trust.

" Finite incantatem ." Harry said, still quite cross. A blast wave left the tip of the wand in his hand and covered him utterly, like submerging himself in a lake of magic. Immediately Harry felt several enchantments rip away from him, carried away by the massive gout of magic flowing from the wand. After a moment, he felt more right than he had in his whole life. He had no idea what had changed, but he no longer felt accepting or passive .

He reached out his hand to put the headmaster's wand back on the desk, and recalled what Spiff had said about the wand. "Sorry Spiff." Harry apologized quietly, and wandlessly cast his duplication spell on the wand. It worked on the second try, and he put the copy in his trunk with everything else. He replaced the original where it had been a moment before, and closed up his trunk, then shrugged it on his back as it was when he'd come in. Just as he sat back in the chair, the headmaster closed his mouth and leaned back in his chair.

Harry took that as a clue Spiff had moved on, and got out of the chair again thinking the guilt trip had finished. With his new perspective, Harry had difficulty understanding why the headmaster thought Harry would feel guilty over having a brilliant holiday and not listening to the wishes of an overly-familiar old man who was an absolute stranger. Especially after finding out he'd stolen a priceless artifact from his father.

"You understand, Harry?" Dumbledore asked him.

Still quite cross, Harry chose to simply nod and say nothing. He left the headmaster's office and found Hermione waiting for him in the common room.

"What's wrong?" She asked him as a worried frown stole across her features.

He considered telling her he needed to think to get it clear in his head and would tell her in the morning, but in a burst of newfound insight he realized that would leave her worrying all night long and he didn't want to do that to his friend. He walked over to the corner of the common room next to the fireplace and put his trunk down on the floor. Once they were both inside, he locked it to prevent any interruptions.

"It's nothing to do with school, I'm not in any trouble." He said first, and that seemed to make Hermione relax quite a bit. "It's just... the headmaster is not what I thought, and I'm struggling to put my finger on why I'm furious."

"Can you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help." She offered. He had to smile at that, she was always helpful and was just a great friend all-round.

"Maybe. So, I get to the office and he calls me 'Harry my boy', and that immediately puts my hackles up. Not only is it disrespectful since he calls everyone else mister so-and-so, but it's far too familiar when I've never spoken to him before. I'd never seen him before I came to Hogwarts. So why is he singling me out for creepy overly-familiar treatment? Then I found out he's wrapped a gift for me for christmas - " He stopped and looked at Hermione instead of the floor. "I know you won't, but you can't tell anyone what it was." He showed her the cloak and the note. "Please don't tell anyone I have it."

"What is it?" She frowned as she studied the material.

"It's an invisibility cloak. Specifically, my father's invisibility cloak. So not only is the headmaster in possession of something that belonged to my family, it's something that could have saved their lives! Like, why does he have it when it should have been on my mum or dad?! I could have at least one of my parents if he hadn't had the thing! And the kicker is the note. Like he's graciously gifting me something that I should have inherited ten years ago! It already belongs to me!" Harry paced back and forth, getting angrier about it by the second. "I hope you can help me understand it because I'm at a loss for how to feel about it, other than getting really really cross."

Hermione read the note and the writing on the wrapper, and bit her lip as she thought about it. "I'm sorry Harry, I can't think of what might explain such nonsensical behaviour." She got up and wrapped her arms around him. "All I can do is try to help you deal with it, I think."

He stood there seething for a moment before his brain kicked in and he wrapped his arms around her too. "Thanks Hermione. You're a great friend. Sorry I'm getting wound up about it."

"That's what friends are for." She smiled back at him. "Maybe talking to him will clear it up?"

Harry sighed and let go of his friend. She had calmed him down quite a bit though. "I don't think so." He said. "Not only do I not trust him to tell me the truth, but I don't want to be anywhere near him if he's going act creepy toward me. I would be more inclined to talk to him if it hadn't been for the Troll thing, honestly. This is just one more reason to think he's crazy, only this is personal and that makes it so much weirder."

"Hm. That's a fair point." She conceded.

Harry sighed again. "I will try to find out later I suppose, if it's possible." He headed toward the stairs, but stopped to turn to face Hermione again as she followed him. "Thanks for listening, please don't tell anyone."

Hermione shook her head. "I won't."

They left the trunk, and bid each other goodnight before heading up to their dorms. Thanks to whatever happened when he'd used Dumbledore's wand, his mind was comfortable wrestling with his thoughts and feelings while the rest of him slept.

Chapter Text

Once the group assembled, they spread out into the typical U shape so that the presenter could be seen by everyone. Just as Harry stepped into the presenter's place however, there was a knock at the door. Susan was closest to the door, so she went and opened it.

It was Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe.

Susan's voice was cold as she said "Yes?"

"Is this the study place?" Vincent asked.

Susan turned back to look at the group, and Harry smiled and waved. "I invited them." He said, "Come in, we were just getting started."

Crabbe and Goyle entered the room, followed by Daphne Greengrass and Blaise Zabini. They all took places in the U closest to Harry, and all together.

"For the new people, they way this works is we each take turns getting a little more in-depth on a subject than we get in class. Today it's my turn to present, and I'm doing something a little different." He turned to the group as a whole, and began his presentation.

"I'm going to be practicing the ice jinx today. As we learned the firestarting charm this year I thought it would be a good idea to practice a spell that can put fires out. This way, if we accidentally start a fire we'll be able to use the ice jinx instead of running about looking for a teacher whilst the school burns down."

It was never actually stated that the ice jinx could put a fire out, so Daphne frowned as when she realized it was a dumb idea to teach children to start fires without also teaching them how to put them out.

"If you will notice the large cauldron on the floor in front of me..." He waited while everyone glimpsed his largest cauldron, a size eight. Three spoons stirred the creamy white solution inside it.

"What's the black thing swimming in it?" Goyle asked.

Harry laughed. "It's not swimming, it's a vanilla bean. It's what makes things smell and taste like vanilla."

"Oh."

"Anyway, in the cauldron I've got heavy cream, milk, sugar, and the vanilla bean, all stirring. So, if we apply the ice jinx like so..." He took out his wand and focused on the cauldron. "Glacius." Harry said calmly, with his wand aimed at the cauldron. The automatic spoons stirring the mixture slowed down quite a bit, but kept on mixing. After a few seconds, Harry cast the ice jinx again, and everyone could feel the room get a little colder.

"And there you have it, the perfect incentive to practice the ice jinx." Harry grinned, and tapped the spoons with his wand to make them stop stirring. "There are bowls and spoons on the table there, come get some."

Hermione was first, she practically ran to the table to grab a bowl and spoon, then scooped some of the hardened, cold mixture into her bowl and ate a spoonful immediately.

The regulars in the group knew Hermione and knew that she knew what the mix was, even if they didn't. The fact that she was enjoying it in blissful rapture meant it was probably good, so they followed suit, if a bit more slowly than she did.

The Slytherins, on the other hand, eyed the cauldron with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion.

"It's ice cream." Harry whispered loudly, with his hand cupped to the side of his mouth.

"Oh." Crabbe said, and trundled toward the table to get a bowl. Goyle followed him, and Zabini shrugged a moment later then followed Goyle.

"You can make that?" Daphne demanded.

Harry smiled back. "Why don't you try some and judge for yourself?" He asked in return, "If you like it, I can write out the recipe for you - it's not difficult."

Greengrass snorted derisively, as though receiving an offer from a five year old to teach her how to colour inside the lines. She did go fetch a bowl and spoon though.

After everyone had finished their ice cream, Harry demonstrated how to actually perform the charm, along with helpful tips for focusing their visualization that he'd gleaned from the several books he'd read on it. By the end of their improvised class, everyone had cast the spell successfully, even Crabbe. Harry had to take most of the last half of their time to coach him, but it worked. Harry even helped him overcome some wrong ideas Crabbe had about spellcasting in general.

When their time was up and everyone left Harry to clean up afterward, Greengrass stayed behind.

"Why would you accept us?" She asked as he cleaned out his cauldron, "Why help us?"

Harry stopped and turned to look at her with a vaguely confused expression, since he didn't really have any idea why she would ask why. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked in return. "You talk like we're enemies or something."

"Aren't we?" She asked.

Harry frowned at that. "This is the first time I've ever spoken to you. How could we be anything but strangers? Besides that, we're eleven years old. I don't know about you, but I'm hoping to keep enemies to a minimum, and hopefully way later on. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, far less who my enemies are." That wasn't entirely truthful, and though he wasn't lying exactly, he didn't want to explain why the Dursleys were his enemies, or why he strongly suspected Dumbledore was one in hiding.

Greengrass was quiet for a moment as she processed what he said. "You're nothing like what I was led to believe." She said finally.

Harry chuckled. "I get that a lot." He grinned. "I had to look up what a veela was when Goyle asked about my blue castle and pet dragon and veela servants. I grew up as a muggle, being hated and running away from people trying to beat me up. I had no idea magic was real until I went to Diagon the first time in July."

For some reason, that made Greengrass grind her teeth. "Do you mind if I tell my father what you just said?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't want everyone to know, so if your parents will keep it secret then no, I don't mind."

Greengrass nodded. "I'll make sure they keep it to themselves. Thank you for speaking with me."

"You don't need to thank me." Harry replied, "We can't exactly become friends if we don't talk, can we? Are you and the others going to come to the next group meeting?"

Greengrass nodded. "I will, at least."

Harry smiled back at her. "Good. I'll get that recipe to you tomorrow if you want it."

Greengrass hesitantly smiled in return. "I'd like that, thank you."

She left then, and Harry finished cleaning. He gave her the recipe he'd written out the next morning at breakfast, and then joined Hermione, Neville, Susan, Hannah, Wayne, Justin, Sue, and Lisa in racing out of breakfast down to Hagrid's hut.

The hut had flames shooting out of the windows and up through a large hole in the roof. As one, the group of friends spread out around the hut and cast their ice jinxes. Within a minute, the fire was out and Harry and Sue pounded on the door, concerned that Hagrid and Fang were inside.

Thankfully, they weren't. The door fell apart as they knocked on it, and showed the inside of the place was charred black, and the timbers were partially consumed by the fire. Harry and Sue cast more freezing charms at the fireplace and the timbers just in case they had embers that were still lit.

"It's empty!" Harry called out to the rest of the group, followed by coughing.

That was good news for everyone else, and Harry and Sue joined everyone else in calling out to Hagrid. He was known to go into the Forbidden Forest fairly often, so it wasn't strange that he wasn't in. Harry was just glad they'd stopped his house from burning down.

Professor Sprout arrived as they were calling to Hagrid.

"What is this?" She demanded, "What happened to the fire?"

Hannah spoke up first, and told the professor that when they'd seen the flames they all rushed to put out the fire.

"What? How?" Professor Sprout asked.

"Ice jinx, professor." Hannah answered. "We practiced it yesterday in our study club."

"We added some more ice jinxes inside once the door fell off." Susan added.

Professor Sprout paused as she looked around the group of first-years who looked back at her, and a big smile grew over her face. She took out her wand and cast a couple of spells at the hut, then turned back to the group of first-years with a smile. "Brilliant!" She said, "Excellent! Twenty points to Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff."

"Do you know if Hagrid is okay professor?" Harry asked. He certainly didn't want Hagrid to come to harm, though the fact that he wasn't inside the hut as it burned was a very good sign.

"Hagrid does spend a good deal of time in the forest, I'm sure he'll be back safe and sound mister Potter." Sprout replied with a comforting smile. “Run along now, I’ll tend to the repairs.”

Students weren't allowed in the forest, so it wasn't like Harry or any of them could go looking for him. Harry nodded to the professor, and had no choice but to return to the castle to continue the day. Thankfully, Hagrid turned up a few hours later mostly hale and hearty, but with several large chunks of his beard burned off. That was a bit worrying, but Hagrid's smile and thanks for saving his home proved he was fine.

"Jus' a naughty wee beastie lost in th' forest." Hagrid explained, and seeing his large friend unharmed, Harry let the matter drop.

Thankfully, that was the last 'exciting' thing to happen for quite a while, and Harry and his friends were able to focus on their studies entirely, including following the revising schedule that Hermione and Lisa had devised.

One day in late May, Hermione surprised him by giggling quietly while in Defense class.

"What?" Harry whispered to her.

"Nothing really," She whispered back, "Just - you can see who is in our defense club just by looking around the room. Everyone hates the class, but the ones in the defense club are pretending to pay attention while they're studying something else."

Harry looked around the room, and sure enough Neville was reading a second year defense book, Dean was reading a potions text, Sue Li was reading about shield charms for her upcoming presentation in group, and Lisa was covertly practicing her freezing charm wand movements.

"It just struck me as a little funny." Hermione whispered.

"You're right, that is pretty funny." He chuckled quietly.

She smiled back at him, and they went back to listening to professor Quirrel stutter through the lesson. Thankfully, it was the last actual Defense class before their exams started, so it was the last week that year that any of them would have to deal with Quirrell or Snape.

The entire group of friends, including the late-joined Slytherins felt well-prepared going into their exams, and a very high percentage of them had smiles on their faces upon completing each exam. All but Hermione and Daphne, if one were counting. Hermione, Harry knew, had a tendancy to second-guess herself and overthink. He understood her wanting to do well, but she worried and fretted at him until he pointed out that she had another exam the next day she could be preparing for instead.

When all their exams were over, Harry held a little party in his trunk for everyone just as a way of thanking and congratulating everyone for their collective efforts.

Greg and Vince didn't show up for the party, but Daphne said that they had family obligations they couldn't shake off. She was then shocked when almost everyone expressed their disappointment that they couldn't come. Harry quietly cut each of the missing boys a slice of the cake he'd made, and scooped a bowl for each boy with each of the ice cream flavours that the group had come up with. While he did, he heard a gasp from Daphne.

"Who made this one?" Daphne held up a bowl with light green ice cream with brown chunks in it.

"I did," Hermione answered, "Is there something wrong with it?"

"Only the fact I've never had it before, it's brilliant!" Daphne exclaimed. "Does it have a name?"

"Mint chocolate chunk." Hermione supplied. "It's my favourite."

"Might I have the recipe?" Daphne asked, and that got the two of them talking more than they had before, and that gave Harry a smile.

The day after the party, Harry was relaxing in the Gryffindor common room when he heard his best friend Spiff again!

"Hello again ladies and gentlemen! It is I, the most British of Spiffing exploiters, back wiv anovver Magicking World video. Now, I know a lot of you are immediately jumping to the comments section to point out 'Hey Spiff, you just finished a Magicking World video', but trust me, you want anovver one. In the last video I showed you how to break the game by creating infinite wealth and transforming our poor horribly abused majestic little orphan sausage into an unstoppable juggernaut of financial misconduct, as well as a few other quality of life tweaks that the developers don't want you to know about. However, while that's quite nice, the game still wasn't completely broken; our charming little hero sausage was not yet an immortal god, so naturally we'll be addressing part of that oversight now. Buckle up, make sure you're sat back relaxed wiv a nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea in hand, because fings are about to get very spicy indeed.

"'So Spiff,' I hear you ask, 'how exactly do we gain immortality?' Well, in their infinite wisdom, the developers at Harbour Opener games have left certain spells tied to certain scripted events which we will get into shortly. To get us started, we'll need to run along to the unavoidable scripted event in the third floor corridor where our oh-so-trustworvy headmaster invited every child in the castle to go on the first day of term. Once there -"

The spiffing voice cut off mid sentence, and Harry assumed he'd moved on ahead to the third floor out of bounds corridor. Harry rose from the couch to head there, but was stopped by Hermione.

"Where are you going?" She asked over top of her book.

"To walk." He answered. It was technically correct, even if he did dodge the spirit of the question. He made his way toward the portrait door, and was already outside it before he noticed Hermione had followed him.

"Where are we walking?" She asked once the portrait door was shut and they were alone in the hall.

Harry sighed and his shoulders drooped. He couldn't lie to Hermione, she was his second best friend! Friends didn't do that. "You have to promise not to tell, alright? Nobody else can know, not even if you think it's in my best interest, okay? Nobody. I don't want to tell you, but I won't lie to you, so you have to promise to keep it between just the two of us."

Hermione frowned mightily and chewed on her bottom lip, but after a minute of thinking it over she sighed and nodded. "Alright, but I reserve the right to get help if I think you're in serious danger."

Harry nodded in return. That was fair. "Hopefully that won't be an issue. I have to go to the out of bounds place on the third floor."

"What ?" She whisper-shrieked. Harry had no idea how she could reach such a high note without making hardly any noise. It was impressive. "Harry, it's out of bounds. We'll get in trouble!"

Harry nodded again. "I know, that's why I didn't want you to come. I was just going to go on my own so you wouldn't have any of the trouble."

She studied his face momentarily with a soft look in her eyes, and she shook her head. "No, now I have to come too, if just to keep an eye out and make sure we have a chance to run. Why do you have to go there?"

Because a voice in my head said so? Harry sighed internally and chose not to vocalize such a suspect statement.

"I'll find out when I get there, I suppose." He shrugged, and turned to walk toward the third floor corridor. Hermione caught up to him and walked along beside him.

There were very few people in the halls as they walked, and not a single one in the third floor corridor when they arrived.

"- We'll quickly unlock the very badly locked door which eleven year olds are taught to unlock, and just check on the lovely bloody great free-headed man-ripping beast from greek myfology." Spiff's voice suddenly resumed in Harry's head, and he stopped stock still to listen.

His face must have shown the horror he felt at Spiff's words, because Hermione became very concerned.

'Spiff hasn't led me wrong.' Harry thought to himself, 'Spiff is my best friend.' He took a few deep breaths, and cast the unlocking charm on the door. "Alohomora." He whispered.

The lock clanked and the latch lifted, so Harry pulled the door open. For some reason, the hinges made absolutely no sound.

"Harrry!" Hermione whispered, and then clapped her hand over her own mouth.

"Fankfully, the huge monstrous canine murder machine is having a lovely kip fanks to the harp, so our tasty little orphan sausage can easily sneak straight up to the slobbery jaws of deaf and drop frough the trapdoor into the animated strangulation plant! Easy peasy!"

Harry didn't like the sound of that, but if the enormous three-headed sleeping dog didn't wake up, that made him a lot happier.

"We have to sneak in and down that trap door." He whispered to Hermione. Her eyes were large, but determined. She nodded, and curled her hands into fists. "We'll land on a moving plant."

That part made her frown, but Harry didn't wait to see if she was alright with it, he just carefully snuck into the room and closed the door as quietly as possible. Luckily, the dog remained asleep as he crept closer and lifted the hatch in the floor. Below the hatch was absolute darkness. He didn't like that. He would have liked to be able to see what was down there, but he trusted Spiff - so with a last look at Hermione, he jumped down the hole. The landing was soft, but also tough and fibrous. As soon as he came to a stop, he felt vines begin to climb up his legs.

He pulled his wand out and cast the wandlighting spell. "Lumos."

The vines began to retract away from the light, and Hermione landed beside him with a small "Oof." She didn't hang about, she began to immediately roll out of the huge knot of vines. Harry followed her example, and she lit her own wand once they were away from the potentially lethal plant.

"Devil's Snare." She said quietly.

"Yeah." Harry agreed. They'd studied it not three days ago for their Herbology exam.

Hermione tried the handle of the only door out of the room they were in, but it was locked. She tried the unlocking spell, but it didn't work.

"I suppose we'll need the key then." She said.

Spif cut into Harry's attention again. "Now the flying keys challenge - for vose of you who haven't seen it before, our lovely little sausage simply has to fly about on the broom provided and catch the key wiv a broken wing, hand it to whichever love interest we've brought so they can open the door, and then fly frough. Once frough, we can skip the chess game and just fly over it on the broom. - "

Spiff moved on, but Harry caught the gist of it.

"What's that sound?" Hermione asked with a frown.

Harry looked up, since Spiff mentioned flying keys. Sure enough, there was a cloud of keys with large insect wings lazily flying about the ceiling of the room.

"Oh no." Hermione said disappointedly, "How are we supposed to get the key way up there?"

"I have a plan." Harry replied, and told her he would go get the key, but he didn't trust it would be that easy, so he'd hand it off to her to get the door open while he dealt with the rest of them.

She looked at him for a moment seriously, and then nodded. "Alright, but be careful."

Harry smiled at her. It felt wonderful to have someone be concerned over him, and he pulled her into a hug just to share how happy that made him. "I will, promise. Once the door's open, I'll fly through and you slam it shut, yeah?"

She smiled back at him and nodded.

Harry mounted the broom in the corner and took off after the keys. As he suspected, once he grabbed the right key, they all turned and swarmed after him. He spun and made a few circles around the ceiling to give him enough time to hand the key to Hermione, and then took off again as they buzzed angrily just behind.

"Door's open!" Hermione called seconds later, so he made a final loop around the ceiling and flew through the open door. It slammed shut, and staccato thumps sounded behind him as the keys flew into the closed door. He floated the broom back over to Hermione and hovered next to her without dismounting.

"Brilliant work." He congratulated her.

"It was your plan." She smiled back, then looked at the enormous life-sized chess set that dominated the far side of the new room. "How are we going to beat that?" She asked, "I'm not good at chess, are you?"

"Not at chess, no." He admitted, "But I'm alright at getting around things. Hop on, we'll go over it."

"Harry -" She bit her lip and trepidation filled her features.

"Relax, Hermione. I know you don't like flying. Climb on, hold on to me, and close your eyes. It'll be like sitting on the escalator in the tube. Just a gentle up and down and then it's over, promise."

She alternated looking at him and the broom for a moment, and then huffed out a breath. "Fine." She said, "If I fall off and break my neck I'm going to haunt you." She threw her leg over the broom and wrapped her arms around his chest tightly as she put her forehead against his back. "Go before I change my mind."

Harry smiled to himself, and lifted the broom off the ground gently, then they coasted over top of the chess set with Harry's hair brushing the ceiling. He lowered them gently again on the far side of the chess set, and Hermione crushed his ribs when his feet touched the floor and jolted the ride slightly.

"It's alright," He said, "That was the ride being over, we're on the ground again."

"Thank goodness for that." She said, and hopped off the broom. She stood there a moment and brushed herself off as he gently leaned the broom up against the far wall. Harry thought that was a bit odd since there wasn't any dust. Then she stopped and froze.

"Harry... do you smell that?"

He absolutely did. After October, he'd recognize that smell anywhere.

"Troll." He whispered. "Get ready to run, I guess? I'll just peek in, if it's waiting for us then we'll go back the way we came. I'm not facing a troll."

Hermione nodded, her eyes large. "Be careful! Be quiet!"

Thankfully the door was both unlocked and not at all squeaky.

"Oh." Harry said as he lay eyes on the troll, and stood up from his crouched and ready to run posture.

"What? What is it?!" Hermione whisper-demanded.

"It's already dead." he replied in a normal tone of voice.

"Oh." She said, and stood up as well.

"I guess they don't smell any worse when they die." He shrugged.

When they passed into the room with the huge troll carcass lying flat on its back, Harry heard Spiff again.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the big spicy one, it's time for our poor abused little cupboard dweller to become the supreme entity in the universe, the one true undying immortal god among men. That's right, this is where we acquire the immortality exploit. Now, to pull this one off we have to progress to the end of first year, in the final room where we face our garlicky nemesis Quirrell. The proper storyline has our poor psychologically fragile little orphan viciously murder the horribly fake-stuttering professor with some handwavey jiggery-pokey nonsense because plot reasons, but we're going to skip all that and become an unkillable machine of mayhem instead.

"To get stuck in and actually accomplish this, we're going to have to get past the wall of fire and into the room where we face Quirrell. The devs, in their infinitely rushed-for-time, only-half-the-options-actually-finished wisdom, have left interaction options active that can have you taunt the defense professor instead of following the railroaded, you're supposed-to-choose-this options. Some of the other exploiters out there have said that originally you were supposed to be able to end the game this way because taunting Quirrell actually goads him to try to kill our little orphan sausage. That's right, you can flip the V at Quirrell and he will actually fire the killing curse at our little hero."

Harry suddenly had a very bad feeling.

"It is exactly this 'feature' we'll be using vough, as due to Harbour Opener rushing out the game in it's Perfectly Balanced, No Exploits At All state, they left this in the game and active, after they removed the option to infanticide the hero of the game fanks to dropping the rating from teen to children. That subsequently left the act of dying tied to the End Game scenario, which is the only time you're supposed to actually die.

"Spoiler Alert! If you haven't played frough the game yet, stop watching here and come back once you're done. All done? Good!

"Right, there's only one point in the game when you're supposed to encounter the killing curse, and that's in sevenf year when confronting the big baddie. So, as a result when you taunt Quirrell in first year and get him to kill you wiv a killing curse, you don't actually end the game, you're shunted into the cutscene for the end of the game when you talk to Dumblewiggins and he spouts useless metaphysical nonsense at you in lieu of anyfing helpful. Once we arrive in our not-after afterlife, we'll simply back out of Dumblefumble's dialogue and collect the pitiful discarded remnant of Voldiemuggins. Drop the gruesome, wasted soul peanut into your shield slot, and Robert's your movver's bruvver. True unkillable immortality shall be ours!"

Harry took a few deep breaths.

He was supposed to taunt Quirrell into killing him? He wouldn't actually die? Unlike before, Harry was more than a little afraid of this particular 'exploit', due in no small part to only having half a clue what Spiff was even talking about.

Yes he trusted Spiff, but it was a lot to take in.

It made a strange sort of sense that for him to be immortal he had to pass beyond death, but he was only eleven! He only just got comfortable having friends!

He paced back and forth while he breathed heavily.

"Oh look, it's a logic puzzle!" Hermione said as she read the sign above the rack of potion vials. She reached over and took one of the vials from the rack, and Harry leaped at her to stop her drinking it.

"Hermione! What are you doing!" He asked angrily. "You don't know who put that there! It could be poison for all you know! Why would you trust that?!" He took the vial away from her gently, and put it back on the rack.

"Well how are we going to get past the fire?!" She demanded.

Harry looked at her for a long moment, and cast the ice jinx on the floor in the doorway covered by flames.

The ice melted a lot and water ran through the cracks in the stones, but the fire went out.

Hermione dropped her gaze from his and said "Oh." in a sheepish tone of voice.

"I like you a lot Hermione, I should be very cross if you make me visit you in the hospital wing from drinking random things."

She looked up at him with a brilliant smile then, and wrapped her arms around him. "Same goes for you. I just got excited at solving the riddle."

"Excited is good. Poisoned is bad." He admonished with a smile. "Now, professor Quirrell is in the next room, I'm going to go taunt him whilst you run for help, alright?"

Her brows immediately thumped together. "Absolutely not! We're in this together. Where you go, I go. Even if we have to encase a professor in ice, we're doing it together!"

Even though he knew what was coming, Harry knew better than to argue with Hermione when she got like that. He just hoped he would be able to push her out of the path of the killing curse when it came. He took a deep breath and let it out, then held out his hand. She put hers in his and held on, and they walked overtop of the rapidly-melting ice into the next room.

A long set of stairs led to a room with a sunken centre like a mini-amphitheatre, presumably for giving lectures in. Professor Quirrell stood in front of an old, dirty, full-length mirror with ornately carved trim. He suddenly turned toward them as they descended the stairs.

"Yes, me." He said confidently, without any hint of a stutter. "Who would suspect ppppoor sttutttuttering professor Quirrell?"

"What's going on, Harry?" Hermione whispered to him.

Instead of answering however, Harry heard the Spiffing Voice again, but Spiff was laughing out loud. "Oh my - Harbour Opener, whoever you have writing these taunts, you should chain them to a desk and never let them stop! Oh my, oh dear oh dear oh dear, oh beans."

Harry didn't really know what to make of that, until an insult jumped into his brain. "Yes you, professor Quirrell, whom it is impossible to underestimate."

Professor Quirrell frowned in response. "What?"

He leaned over and whispered to Hermione. "You're brilliant, Hermione. Let loose with some brilliant taunting. We have to keep him off-balance and not thinking properly."

She looked back at him, clearly afraid of doing what he wanted, so he tried again.

"Your inferiority complex is fully justified, you know." He told Quirrell.

"Now see here, Potter." Quirrell said warningly.

"One does wonder why your ego is so huge whilst your IQ is so tiny?" Hermione asked in an unsteady voice.

"That's enough, Granger! Detention!" Quirrell snarled.

"With a face like that, the only chance you have to get laid is to crawl up a chicken's arse and wait." Harry said. He had no idea where it came from, but once it was out of his mouth he had a hard time not laughing, and he had no idea what it meant, he just pictured Quirrell's head poking out of a chicken's bum.

"Potter!" Quirrell snarled. He was starting to get little frothy bits at the corners of his mouth.

"Look at that, Harry." Hermione said with a partial grin, "It's so sad, the wheel's still turning, but the hamster is dead."

"Potter! Granger! I'll have the both of you in detention until you die of old age!!" Quirrell definitely looked nearly unhinged, the whites of his eyes were showing all around.

"Living proof that stupidity is painful." Hermione said.

"The sadness in your eyes is usually only found in eastern european gay porn." Harry said, and they could see Quirrell visibly crack.

Quirrell pulled his wand out with his eyes full of insane rage and spittle flying from his mouth. "I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!" He shouted.

Harry reached for Hermione's upper arms, to shove her out of the way, but her hands latched around his upper arms as well.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!" Quirrell shouted, and the green killing curse raced toward them.

Harry desperately tried to spin, to step in front of Hermione, but apparently she had exactly the same thought and tried the same thing in the opposite direction. The outcome was that they both just moved a step closer to Quirrell.

In desperation Harry looked to Hermione, and saw the same helpless "Oh no." reflected in her eyes and the side of her face grew green as the spell splashed over the both of them equally.

Their surroundings disappeared instantly, replaced by thick white mist. They still had hold of each other, and could still see each other, but neither of them had the chance to even ask what just happened.

"What?! What is this!?" Spiff asked. "This has to be new, we've not seen this glitch before!" The Spiffing Voice retreated then - it didn't go away completely, since Harry could hear muttering in the background.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, her eyes wide, "Tell me you heard that disembodied voice?"

She heard Spiff!

"You heard that?!"

She nodded slowly.

"That's great!" Harry laughed. He wasn't the only one! "That's Spiff, he's my best friend, he made me a billionarie!"

"He what?" Hermione's eyes went even bigger. Any more, and they might fall right out of her head.

Harry nodded. "It's true. Just by following his instructions, I have infinite galleons now! He says it's an 'exploit', though I'm not very sure in what context it's meant. That's what I'm doing here, I had to come and confront Quirrell so Spiff can make me immortal. He said I would be an unkillable machine of mayhem, and I thought that sounded better than being killable. I've already been afraid for my life once at school, that was enough for me."

Hermione let go of his arms and wrapped hers around his neck like she was afraid of falling off the world.

"Where are we?" She whispered.

"We're dead." Harry replied, and pulled back just enough to be able to breathe. "Don't worry though, it's temporary. Now we have to do something with a soul peanut and then Robert's your mother's ... oh! Bob's your uncle! I didn't get it before."

"I'm scared, Harry." She whispered.

Harry hugged her as tightly as he could. "No need to be, Hermione. You'll see. Besides, we're together and I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you."

She loosened her arms after a moment, and took a deep breath. "No. Nor I you." She said. She sounded a little better.

"Well well well, ladies and gentlemen, this seems to be something of an historic playfrough, we seem to have discovered yet anovver exploit. I have just conferred wiv my colleagues, and if the game hasn't yet crashed - which it hasn't - then we should be able to proceed as intended.

"Once we've arrived in the King's Limbo Station - which we have -"

As the voice spoke, Harry and Hermione both became aware that the fog lifted some, and revealed a sort of foggy King's Cross Station. They were on an unlabelled platform, with no indication which direction the train could be coming from.

"We can just pick up the beautiful, majestic, horribly mutilated piece of the big bad guy's soul that just happens to be whimpering piteously from beneath the platform bench. Oh Harbour Opener, wasn't it bad enough our poor little hero's abused and neglected like he's straight out of a Dickens novel, you had to add models from Peter Jackson's zombie movie? It's like walking through Skegness, honestly."

As the voice spoke, Harry and Hermione became aware of another figure that coalesced out of the mist next to them. Hermione let go of him completely to face the headmaster.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Hermione said, relieved, "What are you -" She stopped when Dumbledore opened his mouth to talk and then just stood there with his mouth open, unmoving.

"That happens." Harry explained, "I don't think he's really here anyway, since we're dead. Well, sort of dead temporarily."

"Right," Spiff spoke up again, "Once the bearded one appears, we can just skip his useless dialogue and get busy with the exploit. To complete this one, we simply need to pick up the severed soul piece from under the bench and slot it into - Oh no! Oh Harbour Opener!" Spiff chuckled to himself, and his voice was laced with laughter when he spoke again. "Oh goodness... it's infinite! Look, you can pick the same one up and drop it so many times... oh no, oh beans! Perfectly Balanced, ladies and gentlemen, No Exploits At All. Oh Harbour Opener what have you done..." He laughed again. "Oh dear it's so broken, I love it..."

Harry and Hermione exchanged confused looks.

"As I was saying, we simply pick up the soul fragment, which technically doesn't exist, from a cutscene that may now never happen, and slot the nonexistent piece of Voldemort's soul into our little orphan's Shield Item slot, and wabam!"

Harry felt strange as some kind of forcefield drew downward over his eyes, and he felt it drape down his body as it covered every millimetre of him. Then the feeling was gone.

Hermione watched the progress of it down his body, so he clearly wasn't imagining it. "It's like a glowing golden suit of armor." She whispered.

"And, since we apparently can bring our majestic little sausage's girlfriend along, we'll just... oh no! Oh we CAN! Oh Harbour Opener, you perfectly balanced factory of wonder and delight! I can't believe we can just..."

Spiff's voice faded into the background, filled with uncontrolled chuckling.

Harry saw the same glowing golden suit of armor slowly settle overtop of Hermione.

"It feels weird." She said.

"Yes it does." He agreed. "It looks good on you though... it did, anyway, whilst it lasted."

"You too." Hermione smiled at him.

"Ohhh, that has to be one for the record books, ladies and gentlemen." Spiff chuckled some more, and made some comments they could barely hear off in the background of his own personal nowhere. "We need to see how many we can bring at once. Absolutely priceless." He said as though he were approaching again.

"Aaand then we just exit from the dead-not-dead little interlude." Spiff said, back at full volume. A door appeared out of the fog in the far wall under a bright red EXIT sign. "Then when we're back in the proper scene wiv Quirrell we can test out our brand new immortality!"

They both stood there a moment, waiting for something more, but Harry realized Spiff had moved on again.

"That happens." He explained. "I think he's sort of skipping ahead in time, and it does seem to be how he shows up and then leaves. I bet he'll show up again while we're fighting professor Quirrell."

Hermione started to breathe deeply, very quickly. "He's the teacher , Harry! I can't fight him!"

"It's okay, Hermione, relax! If you don't want to you don't have to, I'll take care of it." Harry patted her shoulder.

"But you shouldn't either! We shouldn't be fighting teachers, Harry!"

Harry shrugged. "I don't really want to, but I trust Spiff and he said it's unavoidable. Besides, I don't think we really have to fight professor Quirrell. I think if I sort of kept him busy whilst you went for help that might be enough."

Hermione frowned and growled in her throat, and then sighed. "No, you're probably right... but I said we would do this together, and I won't back down now." She said in a determined tone of voice. Her tone also made it very clear that she didn't like it. She stuck her hand out toward him, so Harry put his in hers, and they walked together toward the exit.

Harry and Hermione stepped through the doorway under the EXIT sign, and found themselves in the same spot they'd been before getting hit by the killing curse.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!!!" Quirrell shouted, and the green killing curse raced toward them.

This time, Harry took advantage of Hermione's surprise, and stepped in front of her, between her and the curse. The green light splashed over his chest and up his neck, and gave him a sort of green halo for a split second.

The killing curse felt jagged and hot and sort of oily.

Harry immediately turned to face Hermione, whose eyes were large again. "I guess it really works." He smiled at her. "That's why I trust Spiff. Now I guess we're both unkillable mayhem machines."

"What?" Professor Quirrell said in a confused tone, "What is this? You should be dead, Potter!"

Hermione stepped around him to face the professor. "Don't you dare!" She shouted, "You're a teacher, how could you!?"

Quirrell grinned as though he were about to laugh, but he was cut off by an altogether different voice they'd never heard before.

"Enough of this!" It commanded, "Get the stone!"

Quirrell immediately forgot about them. "Yes, master!" He said, and turned back to the mirror. "I can see myself holding the stone, Master, but I can't actually get it."

"Use the boy!" The hollow, gravelly voice demanded.

Harry was the only boy in the room, and thought he'd rather not be 'used' for anything, thank you very much. He took out his wand and pointed it at professor Quirrell's feet.

"Glacius!" he shouted, and his spell encased the professor's feet in thick ice.

However, Quirrell just waved his wand at the ice and it vanished. "Come here, Potter!" He shouted, and pointed his wand at Harry. Some kind of light grey spell shot out of it and hit Harry in the center of his chest. It had no effect.

"Master, something is wrong." Quirrell said, confused. "POTTER! GET OVER HERE!" He shouted.

His shout seemed to snap Hermione out of whatever discombobulation she felt, because she swished and flicked her wand at the Defense professor. "Wingardium Leviosa!" She incanted, and Quirrell's turban floated up toward the ceiling.

Quirrell had a second face in the back of his bald head.

"Uch, disGUSting." She scrunched up her nose and looked away from the face. Harry didn't - he sort of recognized it from the hideous, mutilated soul peanut.

"Voldemort!" Harry pointed at the half-formed, clay-like face.

"Yes, Potter." It replied in a tired, dark, and hollow voice. "Now come here and get me my stone!"

"No!" Harry shouted back

"Kill him!" Voldemort demanded, "KIll them both!"

Without warning, Quirrell leapt through the air and closed his hand around Harry's throat, but the skin on his throat became quite hot, and Quirrell's hand began to sizzle and turned to ashes as they watched. Quirrell backed away from Harry, clutching at the burnt stump of his wrist with his other hand.

"What is this magic?!" He shouted, in obvious pain. His wand hand was gone, scattered as dust on the floor.

"Useless." Voldemort growled in his sepulchral tone. A black fog began to coalesce over Quirrell's head, and the professor's eyes rolled up into his head as he pitched forward onto his face and didn't move.

The black cloud that had come out of his head remained stationary six feet in the air for a moment, and then assumed the red-eyed face of Voldemort. As soon as it did so, it flew toward Harry with a violent sneer.

"Don't you dare!" Hermione shouted, and threw a punch at the cloud as it neared Harry.

A deep, echoing gong sound reverberated through everything as she hit the evil ghost, and a second one rang out an instant later as Voldemort crashed into Harry's chest.

A high, thin scream sounded as the black cloud seemed to be sucked into Harry and Hermione's bodies. It didn't hurt - in fact they didn't feel it at all. It was extremely disconcerting, however.

Hermione sat down on the stone steps and cradled her head in her hands. "We killed a professor!" She despaired, "I'll get expelled for sure!"

Chapter Text

"And finally, for special services to the school above and beyond expectation, I award one hundred and twelve points each to miss Hermione Granger and mister Harry Potter." The headmaster stood at the podium in the great hall for last-minute announcements and presentation of the House Cup.

Slytherin was in first place with an eighty-six point lead over Ravenclaw, and Ravenclaw held a hundred-thirty-six point lead over Gryffindor. With the new points awarded to him and Hermione...

"Gryffindor wins the House Cup!" Dumbledore shouted in a grandiose fashion, arms spread wide.

Hermione looked over at him, stunned. Truthfully, she was still a little stunned that they hadn't been expelled for murdering professor Quirrell, but Harry suspected that Dumbledore knew about Quirrell and Voldemort all along. Why else would he have advertised that the secret thing they'd been trying to steal was in the third floor corridor?

Again, that had made Harry very cross at the headmaster, and his stealing the House cup away from other students just to give it to them was wrong and angered him to the point that he stood up on the bench to shout above the other students' grumbling.

"You can't do that!" He shouted at Dumbledore, "They earned their points through the whole year! You can't just come along and steal it from them just because we did your dirty work! That's not fair to two entire houses!"

Ravenclaw's table clapped and shouted "Yeah!", whilst most of Slytherin - Snape included - looked at him as though he'd started speaking Mermish with a Gobbledygook accent.

The headmaster roundly ignored him, and clapped his hands twice. The banners that hung in the great hall fluttered and changed to the colours and emblem of Gryffindor.

"Don't forget your summer homework whilst you're having fun!" He reminded everyone with a jovial smile, and then the headmaster resumed his seat in the gilded throne at the high table.

Harry sat down heavily and ground his teeth together.

"Good on you, Harry." Neville said quietly, "I was happy we won, but you're right it's unfair and now I don't even want it. It feels dirty."

"Yes it does and I don't like it." Harry replied, "Especially when it's just a crap reward for doing the headmaster's job."

"Exactly." Hermione chimed in. "Thank you for saying something, Harry. I confess I'm still a bit discombobulated."

Harry breathed a deep sigh and tried to ignore his anger at the headmaster. "Well, on the plus side, you have all summer to recombobulate." He smiled at her.

She smiled back and started to relax a little.

Breakfast appeared, and the conversation at other tables went quieter, while the conversation at the Gryffindor table was nearly non-existent. Most of the students were the same as Neville - they had initially rejoiced, and then stopped when Harry pointed out how unfair their win was. Throughout the meal everyone except Ronald Weasley ate mechanically, stuck between feeling happy and dirty just the same as Neville. Ronald called the Slytherins 'losers', and told them that was what they got for cheating and being slimy. He only got one taunt off though, before one of his brothers silenced him.

After breakfast they all trooped back to the dorms to pack and get to the carriages into Hogsmeade. Hermione made mention of the strange black skeletal creatures that pulled the carriages, and Harry replied they'd always been there, even when they got off the train the first time and had to go with Hagrid in the boats.

The train ride was again filled with happy conversation, and this time when Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle showed up, Harry and Hermione happened to be in a cabin with Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, Milicent Bulstrode, and Daphne Greengrass.

"Potter." Malfoy said when he opened the door.

"Malfoy?" Harry answered.

"I... uh." He delayed, and Goyle tapped him on the back of his head with his palm. Draco turned to frown at Greg, but Greg frowned and Draco turned back to Harry. "Thank you... for standing up for Slytherin. That was... unexpected."

"You're welcome." Harry replied. "Fair is fair, no matter who is involved."

Draco stood there at a loss for anything else to say for a moment, then cleared his throat. "Right, well... have a good summer then."

"You too, Draco. And you Vince and Greg as well. See you in September." Harry smiled at Vince and Greg.

"Good summer, all." Crabbe added.

"See you." Goyle nodded.

"Bye guys!" Hermione waved, and so did the other girls in the cabin.

The rest of the ride was uneventful, other than Hermione wrote out her phone number for him so they could stay in touch over the summer without having to wait for owl delivery. Harry had his Apportator box, but anything Hermione wrote back would be delayed whilst the owl flew to the post building at Diagon.

Of his other friends, only Dean and Justin knew what a phone was, so Harry let everyone else know that he would write to them to say hello over the summer, and let them know he would be going directly to the Ministry to get their potions graded.

When the train arrived at King's Cross, Harry hugged Hermione goodbye and shook everyone else's hand, except for Daphne and Milicent. Daphne shook his hand, and then Milicent grabbed him in a hug. When she let go, Daphne did the same, and then Hannah and Sue had to have a hug as well.

Harry headed to the boy's loo after that, and pulled on the invisibility cloak before he got off the train. He stuck near the edge of the platform whilst he walked, and spotted the floo at the far side. He waited quietly for everyone else to use the floo until the platform was empty, then flooed himself to the Ministry.

It took Harry nearly an hour to wander to the correct department, and he had to wonder if the Ministry's layout was deliberately confusing. He took off his cloak once he was in the Magicking Examinations Authority, and rang the little bell on the unoccupied reception desk.

A middle-aged wizard in brown and orange-checked robes trundled out of the back room.

"Yes? Can I help you?" He asked. He seemed surprised to find anyone there.

"Yes sir." Harry replied, "I'd like to have part of my potions year graded. I don't believe the grading I received at Hogwarts was an accurate reflection of my ability."

The man sat down at the desk with a smile. "How lovely! Actual work to do! You're in the right place, lad! We don't get many students wanting regrading." He pulled a form out of one of the drawers and a quill from a different drawer. "Right then, your name?"

"Harry Potter, sir."

"My word!" The man stopped and looked at Harry as though seeing him for the first time. "Well, bloody wonderful to meet you, mister Potter. I'm terribly sorry for your parents, they no doubt saved my entire family. I'm dead chuffed to be at your service." He wrote Harry's name on the form. "Now, you said potions class, correct?"

"That's correct, sir." Harry confirmed.

"Now, none of that sir nonsense, call me Reggie if you please. Reginald Wiggins in full, but Reggie will do quite nicely."

Harry smiled. "Thanks Reggie. I'm just Harry."

"Brilliant." Reggie smiled back. "Um, who is the potions professor in question?"

"Professor Snape."

Reggie wrote that down too. "Right, how many samples are we re-grading for you?"

"Um... a lot, honestly. Most of the year." Harry replied, "Professor Snape occasionally vanishes what we turn in and gives us a Troll grade for not handing anything in. It was after the third time he did that I started keeping extra samples." Harry put his trunk down on the floor, and opened it up. "There's samples from me and seven of my friends that I'd like re-graded. Come down and I'll show you."

Reggie obligingly followed Harry into the potions room, and Harry opened his own storage cabinet for the man to peruse.

"All labelled and dated. Lovely." Reggie seemed pleased.

Harry nodded and opened Hermione's cabinet to show him. "They all are."

"Excellent!" Reggie beamed a smile. He seemed almost a different person from the one Harry had met only a moment ago. "It will take a few weeks to finish this many and get your grades to you via owl, and it will cost a pretty penny to have all these tested. Are you sure you want to get all these re-graded?"

Harry nodded. "Absolutely. The money doesn't matter, either. I'll inform my accounts manager to expect your invoice."

"Right then. I'll just go fetch a portable rack and transfer these into it." He practically jumped back up the steps, and Harry followed.

Reggie let him help carry the racks into his potions room, and whilst Reggie transferred his potions to the new rack, Harry did the same for Hermione's. It took ten minutes to carry all the potions up to Reggie's workroom, but once that was done, Harry closed his trunk again and Reggie handed him a receipt. "There you are, to say your potions have been received and are to be tested. I also included a rough estimate of the cost, as I won't know for certain the final figure until it's all said and done."

"Thanks, Reggie." Harry smiled at the man. "I'm interested to see what my actual grade is, and I can tell you at least one of my friends is going to sleep a lot easier, she was frantic thinking her grades would tank."

"You're most welcome, Harry." Reggie smiled back. "Thank you for providing some actual work! We don't see much 'action' here."

Harry put his trunk on like a backpack, and waved as he left Reggie to get stuck in. He stopped by the lavatory to throw his cloak back on, and took the floo back to King's Cross. While he was there, he purchased a cellular phone so that he could talk to Hermione, and had his very first pizza for lunch! It was amazing!

Afterward, he purchased a ticket and then boarded a train for Brighton. While on the train, he wrote a letter to Ungrog explaining the situation with his potions re-grading and let him know the M.E.A. would be sending an invoice. He put the letter in his Apportator Box, and enjoyed the rest of the trip looking out the window.

The first thing he did when he arrived in Brighton was look for a hidden place to keep his trunk at night, and he found the perfect place not two minutes' walk from the beach. It was an old hotel building that was being renovated, and there was a whole section of the ground floor that was cordoned off and unused. Harry set his trunk to repel muggles, and put it next to some pallets of cement mix that were covered by a tarp. With the tarp in place, it couldn't even be seen by magicals, so he thought that was perfect.

He swam in the ocean, he had fish and chips wrapped in newspaper and ate whilst he walked the lanes. He wandered the piers, and bought himself a personal music player that spun shiny discs and made music with a laser. That was absolutely brilliant! He bought several different albums to play on it as well, and listened to music while he read in his room. Hermione got jealous when he told her about it over the phone, and more so when he mentioned he was in Brighton relaxing near the ocean. She told him that she would be in Paris with her parents for the latter half of the month, as she had read that Paris had a large and thriving magical section and they all wanted to see it. Harry said that would be brilliant, and he would try to meet up with them there. Hermione absolutely loved that idea.

For two weeks Harry lived in Brighton, sunning himself in the morning and swimming in the ocean, seeing new things and wandering in the afternoons. He retired to his trunk after dinner to do homework and read and listen to music. He enjoyed every minute of it, but after two weeks he looked forward to meeting the Grangers in Paris, so the next morning he bought a ticket for the ferry to Calais.

Calais was much the same as Brighton, except he couldn't read the signs or even talk to people really, so he wandered through it for a couple of hours just to see it. After dinner he bought a bus ticket to Paris, and fell asleep in the unexpectedly comfortable seat. He woke up as they stopped in Paris, so Harry said merci to the driver before he left the bus and the terminal behind. He was still fairly tired, so he looked for the nearest hiding place. He found a row of shrubs just behind a city bus stop and plonked his trunk down in the bushes so it couldn't be seen by magicals either, and went to bed.

It took a few hours the next morning - after a lovely breakfast of pastry and fruit - but he did eventually find the entrance to the Paris Magique. It was a little after midmorning, and as he wandered around the french 'Diagon Alley' he was impressed by the beautiful architecture. They obviously liked to use glass and iron, but also he thought the individual shop owners must all know a spell for colouring glass, because all the windows of the various shops proclaimed what the shop was, and had beautiful decoration as well. Some shops liked geometric patterns, some had floral motifs, and others were abstract and odd. Harry fell in love with the place immediately.

After an hour of roaming, Harry found the biggest bookstore he could even imagine. It was the size of the Great Hall, but multiple floors. The outside of the building was white and palatial with blue accents, window frames, and tile roofing. Harry knew immediately upon realizing it was a bookstore that Hermione would absolutely go there, if she wasn't in there already. He went inside and took up a seat near the entrance with a book of intermediate charms to wait for her.

Sure enough, Harry only had time to read through three charms before he heard "Harry!"

Hermione was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt the same as he was - though hers was yellow instead of navy - and he couldn't help but think how she looked so much brighter than she did at school in those baggy black robes. In her regular clothes it was obvious that she was thin and willowy, and getting even taller than she had been. When he put the book down and stood up to be engulfed by her hug, her collarbone dug into his cheek.

"I'm so happy you're here! Mum, Dad, this is Harry, my best friend. Harry, my mum and dad."

Hermione's parents both turned to look at each other with their eyebrows raised. Harry held out a hand to mister Granger.

"Mister and Missus Granger, lovely to meet you." Harry smiled. Mister Granger shook his hand, and then missus Granger did too.

"Nice to meet you as well, Harry. It's nice to have a face to put to 'Harry this and Harry that.'" Mister Granger grinned at him.

"DAD!" Hermione admonished, glaring at him even as her cheeks pinked.

"Though I wonder if I should call you Harry at all or just skip straight to son-in-law." Missus Granger added.

"MUM!" Hermione hid her face behind her hands.

Harry grinned at his friend's distress, as he could tell her parents weren't really being mean.

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry for them." Hermione said to him.

Mister Granger drew a deep breath and let it out with an explosive 'Ahhhhh'. "Thirteen years we've waited for that."

"P-one-double-five acquired." Missus Granger said to her husband with a satisfied smile.

"Your parents are great." Harry whispered to Hermione.

"Fine for you to say, they aren't embarrassing you." She replied hotly.

"It's easy to see they love you." He whispered back, and then in a normal speaking voice he added "Besides, you're brilliant. I'd totally marry you."

"HARRY!" Hermione screeched at him, and her face went deep tomato red.

Mister and missus Granger laughed out loud, and mister Granger patted Harry on his shoulder.

Hermione grabbed Harry's wrist and dragged him into the bookstore, hoping that her parents didn't follow. After she had pulled him halfway across the store, she stopped between two bookshelves where there were no other people about. She turned to face him, and stood closer to him than she had before - close enough to rub noses.

"Did you mean that?" She asked softly.

"About marrying you?" He asked. She nodded, and got even closer to him, backing him up against a bookshelf. "Absolutely." He affirmed, "You have done nothing but make my life brilliant, and I would be happy to spend every single day with you, that would be a great life."

Hermione smiled, and though he could tell there was something different about that smile, he had no idea what it was. They held hands as they walked at a much more sedate pace back through the bookstore - for about twenty seconds. That's when Hermione remembered she was in an enormous magical bookstore.

They met up with mister and missus Granger as they combed the bookstore, led by Hermione's book sense. Her parents would only let her buy three books since they were on holiday and had other expenses.

He whispered to Hermione "Why don't we get one of those bottomless store bags, fill it with absolutely every book we like, and I'll claim I'm buying them for me? We can add all this to the library in my trunk, that way you can access it whenever you want."

She bit her lip as she looked back at him. "Harry, that will be so expensive."

Harry shook his head. "Billionaire, remember?"

She shook her head back at him. "No, Harry. I'd feel like I was taking advantage, and I would feel bad every time I read one of them."

"If we're going to get married, we'll need a start on our library." He argued. "I suppose I could do it myself, but then it would be my library, and you know more than I do about what we'll need..." He smiled at her, and she folded.

"Oh alright, come on."

The next three hours saw Hermione ravage the shelves like a shark with a bottomless stomach. When they were told that their book time was up, Hermione raced through the last section and pulled everything she thought might be interesting.

"Right, I'll go distract my parents while we wait for you. We're probably going to lunch so my parents can bother you with questions."

"That sounds great." He smiled, and headed toward the checkout counter.

As it turned out, the bookstore was accustomed to people buying multiple books at once, that was why the bags were bottomless and featherlight, and had a special store charm that gave an account of what was inside it, along with a tally of the cost.

Harry had so many books in his bag that it was more expedient just to purchase the bag as well for a small additional fee. He put the bag down in the lounge next to the options panel, to remind him to expand the lounge and add more bookshelves.

"So Harry," Missus Granger asked once they were seated at a cafe, "What are your parents' names, where do they live, and when should we schedule a visit?"

Each question felt like a kick.

Harry took a deep breath and let it out as he reminded himself they didn't know and he shouldn't get upset. "I don't know, I don't know, and I don't think you can." He answered. "I grew up with my aunt Petunia and uncle Vernon. They always told me mum and dad died in a drunken car crash, but I found out at school that mum and dad were both magical and were murdered by a dark wizard. I could tell you where aunt Petunia and uncle Vernon live if you want, but I'm never going back there."

That closed down the mood at the table completely, as all three Grangers went cold and quiet. Mister and missus Granger shared a look between them, and mister Granger leaned forward to speak more quietly.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to son, but I'd like to know why you won't go back to their house?"

He didn't want to say. He got that same rush of shame and embarrassment he got on the train that first day.

Hermione reached over and put her hand on his arm, and the look in her eyes pleaded with him.

"Promise me you won't hate me." He whispered to her.

"I could never hate my husband, Harry." She whispered back. "They'll be your mum and dad too after we're married." She smiled at him, and it sunk in that they were already better family than he'd ever known. He'd taken a chance showing Goyle, and he was a stranger. If anyone could be trusted...

He swallowed his bad feelings and misgivings, and looked around to make sure no-one else was looking. He pulled up the back of his shirt to his neck, and then turned away from the Grangers for a count of three, then dropped his shirt again and faced forward.

Mister and missus Granger both looked sick and furious at the same time. Hermione lifted her chair to put it right next to his, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry Harry!" She whispered, "I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I'm sad and sorry you had to put up with that, and I hate them for treating you like that. You're such a kind and wonderful person, Harry. You didn't deserve that."

Harry could scarcely believe his ears. Her words broke something cold and hard inside him, and his eyes watered even as he held her close. They held each other for a few moments, until Harry felt his tears subside.

"That was very brave, Harry. Thank you for trusting us." Missus Granger said as he wiped his eyes on his serviette.

"We can help you stay away from them if you want, Harry." Mister Granger added. "We have contacts in law enforcement and social services -"

Harry shook his head. "No. No thank you. After I left there to go to school I found out I'm incredibly rich. The more contact I have with them, even through the law, the more chance there is they'll find out about it. If they do, they'll stop at nothing to take it away from me, and it's all I have left of my parents. Vernon and Petunia have legal custody, so it's better if they just never see or think about me again. At least not until I'm of legal age."

"But, where will you live?" Missus Granger asked.

"I have my home right here, want to see?" He asked.

"Here?" Missus Granger looked around the plaza.

Harry grinned at Hermione, who grinned back at him, and then put his trunk on the ground next to mister and missus Granger and opened it. "Come on down and see." He said, and descended into his trunk.

It was a bit of a tight squeeze for the two adults, but they managed it without discomfort.

"Never thought I'd set foot inside a T.A.R.D.I.S.." Mister Granger said to his wife with an excited grin.

"Nor I." She agreed. She went to the kitchen immediately, and saw that it was stocked with fresh meats and vegetables, bread, rice, and jars of dried beans. "Well at least the larder seems healthy." She said.

"My relatives have been making me cook all the meals since I was seven, missus Granger. With the kitchen stocked like that I can eat for months." He volunteered. He could see she was worried that he wouldn't be able to feed himself.

She frowned back at him. "That was wrong of them, Harry. Though in this particular case it has resulted in being able to look after yourself."

"No laundry facilities." Mister Granger noted. "Nice clean loo though."

"Cleaning charms, Dad." Hermione answered for him. She'd been there when he first learned them, after all. And had been in the trunk with him when he'd used them.

Harry quickly nodded to agree with her. "When something is dirty, I just hang it up in the wardrobe and clean it, mister Granger."

"That would save on water bills. It's Edward, Harry. Or just Ed. Mister Granger makes me think my dad's standing behind me."

Harry looked to Hermione and back to her dad. "Uhm, I don't want to be disrespectful -"

Mister Granger chuckled at that and put an arm around his wife. "Never fear, Harry. I get disrespected by a professional all the time! Calling me Ed certainly won't measure up."

Missus Granger slapped his chest playfully and rolled her eyes. "Well, thank you for showing us your 'house' Harry, we'll worry a lot less knowing you're never without proper shelter and comfort."

"Security too, missus Granger -"

"Ah ah! None of that thank you. If he gets to be Ed, you'll call me Audrey please."

Harry sighed internally. Why did adults have to be so awkward? Even if it did give him a warm sunshiney feeling that they wanted him to be familiar, it was still awkward. "The trunk has security features too - if I change the setting, it can't be seen by non-magical people, and I'm the only one who can touch it - except for Hermione and our other friends who help us practice potions and things. Wherever I've been, I try to find a place that can't physically be seen too, just in case there are magical people."

"That's good!" Mister Granger said. "Keep that up, that's smart thinking."

"And for the love of magic Harry, if there's ever anything wrong or even if you just need an adult to talk to, please call us." Missus Granger said. "You're clearly alright being on your own, but I'll worry if we don't hear from you."

"We'll worry." Mister Granger corrected.

Harry smiled at both of them. "That is the nicest thing any adult has ever said to me. I will, thank you both."

Hermione crushed him with another hug, and then bounced away over to the potions room. "Mum, Dad! Come see what we made in -"

"They're being graded." Harry reminded her.

"Oh yeah." She stopped and pouted. "Well beans."

"It's just as well, they might think we've abandoned our table." Mister Granger said, and hustled toward the stairs.

They all followed him out, and resumed their seats at the table just in time to catch the second time the waiter came to take their orders. Harry returned his trunk to beside his chair, and ordered crepes with ham and cheese. Whilst he sat with the Grangers, he quietly thanked his other best friend Spiff for introducing him to his wonderful life, and wondered what the brilliant voice had in store for the coming year.

Chapter Text

They spent two wonderful weeks in Cannes after Paris, playing on the beach and wandering the gorgeous city. The Grangers had a room in a hotel not far from the beach, and Harry stayed in his trunk in their bathroom. After the first day when Harry refused to take off his shirt to go in the water, Ed and Audrey surprised him at dinner with the gift of a new shirt just for the beach. It was sleeveless, and made of a very fine mesh that would dry almost instantly when out of the water. They explained that with that shirt on, he could stay covered but also have fun in the water with Hermione. Harry almost went teary-eyed over it, it was exactly the kind of thing Hermione would do, and he supposed she got it from them, rather than the other way round. The rest of the time they spent there Harry had an absolute blast, and Ed and Audrey even taught him how to swim.

They parted ways at Heathrow after leaving their plane. Hermione carried Harry's trunk with him in it as though it were her carry-on, and let him know they were back once they were clear of customs. Harry thanked her, and shot off toward an electronics shop where he purchased a second mobile phone and added it to his service. He gave that phone to Hermione, and explained he didn't want to run up the Granger's phone bill, but wanted to talk to Hermione every day. They appreciated his consideration, and after Hermione got her good-bye hug, her mother surprised him by giving him one as well. Mister Granger just gave him a firm handshake and reminded him that he promised to call if he needed anything, and that he was welcome to visit any time.

After waving whilst the Grangers left, Harry found the bus terminal at the airport and bought a ticket for the lake country by way of Birmingham. He'd never seen either place, and was happy to get the chance to roam. He only had a couple of hours in Birmingham so he didn't get to see much, but he already figured he would travel and see other places after he graduated.

He rented a cottage with a large indoor swimming pool, and swam every day for an hour to improve his fitness and new swimming skill. It became something of a routine to eat breakfast, go for a walk, swim when he returned, and then call Hermione. On the fifth day he was there, however, his routine was quite interrupted.

He returned to his rented home after his morning walk - under his invisibility cloak, of course. Wouldn't do to have some magical corner him whilst he was having fun. He opened the door, and found a strange-looking short... person... jumping up and down on the sofa. It had spindly limbs for being all of three feet tall, and a bulbous head with a long, pointed nose and chin, and large flappy ears a lot like an Indian elephant's. It also wore a filthy, tatty teatowel as a sort of makeshift toga knotted at the shoulder.

Harry took off his cloak and slung it over his forearm, to be put back in his wardrobe.

"Good morning, can I help you?" He asked it.

"Gaaaahh!" It cried in alarm, and hopped off the sofa to direct a sheepish look at him. "It is a great honor to meet you, Harry Potter Sir." It also had huge bulbous greyish-green eyes and a tiny mouth.

"I don't see why, I'm nothing special. Would you like some tea?" Being at a loss for what to do, Harry naturally offered tea.

"Oohhhh!" The... person... wailed, "The great Harry Potter offers poor Dobby tea, as though Dobby were an equal!" It put its arm over its eyes and practically sobbed.

"Well... er, yeah... Pardon my rudeness, what's your name?"

"Dobby, sir!" It replied.

"Right. Well, have a seat Dobby. I'll bring the tea in a moment." He set the kettle to boil, and then stowed his cloak back in its place. When he returned, Dobby was still where it had been, wringing its hands with anxiety.

"Dobby brings a warning!" It shouted when he returned, "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts! There will be great danger there!"

Harry poured the hot water into the teapot and set it on the table along with two cups, milk, and sugar. "There you are Dobby, I'm not sure how you like it, so help yourself. You really came all the way to the lake district just to warn me of danger at Hogwarts?"

Dobby's eyes practically bulged out of its head when he mentioned actually drinking the tea, and tears began to build along the lower lids. It had its lower lip in its teeth, and nodded piteously at him. Harry couldn't help but feel a kinship with the poor thing, there had been a time when any sort of kindness might have made him cry as well.

"This might be a bit of a rude question and I'm sorry for that, I've just never seen anyone of your species before. Are you male or female? Or does that not even apply?"

"Dobby is a boy elf, Harry Potter Sir." He replied.

"Elf! Are you really?" Harry smiled. "I never thought I'd meet an elf, this is wonderful! Thank you for showing me such consideration, Dobby. Warning me about danger means you're concerned for my health, and I thank you for that very much."

Dobby opened his mouth and wailed as fat tears rolled down his face. Tea also dribbled down his chin onto his teatowel toga.

Harry had to wait a few minutes for the poor bloke to calm down.

"Harry Potter is too kind, Sir!" Dobby shouted as he scrubbed his eyes with his forearm.

"Nonsense Dobby, you've been just as kind by coming here to warn me. However, I won't be in any danger." Harry assured him.

"But! But! There is great danger!" Dobby insisted.

"I understand that, Dobby. However, that is more reason for me to go back to Hogwarts, to help protect my friends who aren't as well protected as I am. You see?"

"But there will be terrible events, Harry Potter!" Dobby insisted.

"Dobby, it will be fine. I'm unkillable. I'll be fine. Please calm down." Harry explained.

"U - unkillable?" Dobby asked in a high voice, and cocked his head to one side.

"Yes, unkillable. And because I can't be killed, I have to be there to protect my other friends who can be killed."

"D-Dobby didn't know the Great Harry Potter was Unkillable!" Dobby's eyes went larger than they already were.

"Yes well, it's not the sort of thing I want other people to know about so please keep it to yourself." Harry asked.

"Dobby will, Great Harry Potter Sir! Even from mean, nasty - Grrgh, Arr!" Dobby suddenly gritted his teeth, and then stood up on the chair to slam his head against the table top repeatedly.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked when he'd finished and sat back down in a dazed state.

"Dobby had to punish himself sir, Dobby nearly spoke badly of his family, sir."

"You're not allowed to speak badly of your family?" Harry frowned as that resonated and he remembered being punished for 'cheating' by getting better grades than Dudley.

"The Magicking family Dobby works for, sir." He explained.

"And there we have it ladies and gentlemen, the humble House Elf, the ultimate symbol for what Man has done to Nature." Harry heard the Spiffing Voice again!

"Taken from out of Nature, domesticated by slavery and violence, and turned into a self-punishing Orwellian nightmare beating itself half to deaf for every foughtcrime. Really Harbour Opener, does your Dark and Edgy phase know no bounds? Have you actually chained your writing team to their desks and this is their desperate plea for help? Oh dear oh dear. Anyway, at least you get the chance later in the year to have Dobby freed from his family of blonde ponce slavers, in one of several different ways. The devs have retained that the only way to free poor little Elf Sausage is to get Lucius Malfoy to give the little parody an article of clothing, but vere are several different ways to go about it.

"The first is to play along wiv the plot of the story and hide a sock in the diary at the end of the year, but wiv Giga Dobby Nine Fousand being so completely useful, we're going to just sneak out of Hogwarts down to Hogsmeade to catch the meeting of the British chapter of Deaf Eaters Anonymous down the pub. A quick sticking charm at the right time, and our number of abused little sausages will double!"

Harry waited for more, but Spiff had already moved on to Hogsmeade.

"Well please don't speak ill of them again Dobby, I don't like you hurting yourself." Harry returned his attention to Dobby.

"Dobby should get back, Harry Potter Sir, Dobby has been away too long already." He started to glance side to side and worry his hands together.

"You're welcome to drop by whenever you need a break, Dobby." Harry offered.

Dobby squeaked a sob. "Dobby will try, Great and Kind Harry Potter Sir!" He said, and then vanished with a quiet pop.

Naturally, the first thing Harry did after Dobby left was call Hermione. In addition to sparking her interest in House Elves now that she'd learned of them, they made plans to get to Diagon and get their year's supplies early to avoid the rush.

When they met at Fortescue's for ice cream before shopping, Harry handed Hermione copies of the books from their library that mentioned House Elves. She put them in her backpack, and they enjoyed a lovely day in the Alley - until they tried to pick up their Defense Against the Dark Arts texts.

"What is this?" Hermione asked with a frown. "Seven books by the same author as our text of a single year?" Her mother and father took one, as did Harry, and they all skimmed through them.

"It's a bloody storybook." Hermione growled. "Doesn't teach a single thing!"

"Except perhaps how to self-aggrandize with excessively flowery prose." Her mother added.

"Well then how about this - I'll buy our two sets of this nonsense since it's required, and you can use your money to get a text or two from previous years, or just whatever you think is good that's related to Defense and we'll study those." Harry suggested.

"Or we could just save money and not bother with this tripe." Hermione countered. "You probably already have good Defense books in your library we can use for this year."

"Except they're required, and you know I won't even feel the purchase." Harry reminded her.

She grumbled and growled some more, and finally relented. "Alright, alright. Thank you Harry."

"Yes, as the one paying for Her Majesty's books, thank you Harry." Mister Granger grinned at him, and Hermione looked over to her father.

"Sorry, Dad." She apologized. Her father just shot her an eyebrows-raised look, and she looked back sheepishly.

"She gets carried away sometimes when she's excited." Harry noted, and both her parents laughed.

Hermione stuck her tongue out at him.

The day after he returned to his rental property, Harry received an envelope in his Apportator Box from the Magicking Examinations Authority. Inside was a personal note from Reggie, thanking him for bringing the potions in, and apologizing for the results taking so long.

Harry wrote back and asked Reggie if it would be alright to bring in the entire year next summer, as Harry couldn't imagine Snape being any different during the coming year. Then he picked up the phone and dialled Hermione.

"Harry!" She said when the phone picked up.

"Guess what I have in my hand?" He asked.

"Our potions results came! What did I get?! What did I get?!" She demanded.

Harry sighed and noted that he really should have known better than to think she wouldn't immediately guess.

"Outstanding, of course." He replied.

"Oh good!" He could practically hear Hermione collapse with relief on the other end. "What about everyone else?"

"I'll tell you what I got if you want, but revealing other people's grades without their permission would be rude." He answered.

"No, that's true." She admitted, "I'll amend it to what did you get?"

"Also Outstanding."

"YAY!" She cheered, "Brilliant, Harry!"

"You too! Go tell your parents, I'll talk to you later. Just thought you'd want to know."

"Thanks Harry, I'll talk to you after dinner then. Bye!" She hung up, so Harry did too.

They met up on platform nine a week later, and after a conversation with Hermione's parents, they ran through the barrier to platform nine and three quarters. They had arrived early on purpose, to avoid the crowd, and climbed on the train to choose a cabin. Harry had spent the last week practicing the sticking charm, and he was reasonably confident with it- confident enough he'd stuck his own hand to the ceiling of his rental and grinned whilst he swung to and fro.

Upon entering their cabin, Harry immediately showed Hermione the results of his hours of work integrating their new books into the existing library. She loved how big and well-organized it was, and immediately picked out one of the books Harry had marked as a possible Defense text. Harry chose a Defense text from a previous year, and they both climbed out of the trunk and got comfortable in their cabin to read.

Susan, Hannah, and Neville were the first to show up and take Harry and Hermione out of their reading. Other friends showed up after that at regular intervals until the final boarding whistle blew. Surprisingly, Malfoy didn't show up at all that whole trip, though Vince and Greg did for a little bit.

Daphne gushed that she had experimented with different ice cream flavours over the summer, and said her favourite was still mint chocolate chunk. Hermione suggested that the two of them should find a way to infuse mint into chocolate directly so it could be portable, and the two of them went brainstorming after that. Millie joined in and suggested they could owl-order some Honeydukes chocolate and some essence of mint from Slug and Jiggers, since they weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade until next year.

Harry remembered to hand out everyone's re-graded potions scores as well, and that caused a bit of a ruckus in the compartment. Not everyone got Oustanding, but everyone was at least Exceeds Expectations. Neville got Outstanding, and the biggest smile anyone had ever seen.

It was a bit weird to watch the Sorting from the other side, but Harry resolved to help the new kids as much as he could - that was him just last year, after all. It would be even more important to help the new kids the older he got, since he would know more and more each year. Without Spiff to look out for him, Harry knew he would have had a very unhappy time so he resolved to help make others' times better.

Naturally, the headmaster wanted to see Harry in his office after dinner. This made Harry uncomfortable and he didn't enjoy dinner or the sorting after professor McGonagall told him. The headmaster once again demanded to know where he had been and what he had been doing during the summer, but Harry knew from reading the Hogwarts bylaws that he was not entitled to any information that was not related to his studies. Not to mention that Snape had no business being there either - he wasn't entitled to anything that didn't have to do with his potions class.

First the headmaster tried to guilt Harry by saying the Dursleys worried about him! The man clearly didn't have the first clue, he just insisted that Harry had to go back to them when he wasn't at school. Even if Spiff hadn't already told him there was absolutely no reason to, Harry wouldn't have anyway. He had his trunk and the entirety of the outdoors. Fat bloody chance.

He sat there with his arms crossed not saying anything while the headmaster said the same thing over and over in slightly different ways. Finally, after about half an hour the headmaster seemed to finally get the hint that Harry had nothing to say to him regarding his life outside school and dismissed him.

Harry went back to his dorm and immediately wrote out the things the headmaster had said, the information he'd demanded, and how he tried to get him to go back to the Dursleys.

Hermione was naturally worried at his disappearance after his meeting, so when he was finished with writing, he brought out what he'd written to show her.

"Sorry," He said as he handed it to her, "I wanted to get it down while it was fresh."

"Harry, this is stalker creepy." She said quietly as she read it. "Especially knowing what I know about those people."

"It's worse than that. Hagrid told me he, headmaster Dumbledore, and professor McGonagall put me with the Dursleys in the first place. He's responsible for all of it, and wants me to go back to being beaten and called a freak."

Hermione's face went slack and her eyes wide in horror. "Oh Harry..." She whispered.

"I only have one question for you, Hermione." He whispered. He looked around the common room, but nobody seemed to be paying attention to them, so he leaned in and whispered so only she could hear him. "If I leave Hogwarts to go to a different school, would you come?"

She looked back at him. He could tell the question distressed her, but she nodded. "We'll research different schools in the morning." She whispered.

He smiled at her. She was such a great friend. "I know you'll miss your friends here, and I'm sorry to ask -"

"No!" She whispered harshly. "Nonsense, Harry. You're perfectly right. Yes I'd miss the people here, but I'd miss you more if I didn't."

"Hopefully it won't come to that, I wanted to make sure just in case." He replied, and she relaxed some.

"You should write a letter to Neville's Gran, and include this." She held up what he'd written. "She's on the board of governors for Hogwarts."

"Check it over for me and make sure I don't sound like a loon?" He asked.

She grinned at him. "Of course."

"Thanks, back in a minute." He smiled at her, and went to write his letter. Hermione pronounced it fine, and Harry mailed it from his Apportator Box.

The next morning they had their first Defense class with their new teacher, and Harry got to experience the grandeur that was Gilderoy Lockhart.

"He's certainly got his own... sense of style." Harry commented to Hermione.

"Well he's handsome and charming, for sure." She replied. "The fact that he's being charming to a class full of eleven year olds is more than a bit suspect." She looked past Harry to the front center of the classroom, where Lavender and Parvati were hanging on the man's every word, and practically panting with hearts in their eyes.

Harry followed her gaze, and then looked around the room. Almost every girl in the room was gazing with some level of adoration at their teacher, the sole exception was Hermione. Knowing what he knew about Hermione's immunity to harmful magic, it made Harry wonder if the 'professor' had some kind of... charm charm... on himself.

The 'lesson' Lockhart had prepared to teach them involved a quick quiz to see if they'd read his books - the questions all centered around the magnificent being that was Gilderoy Lockhart - and pulling Harry to the front of the class to act out scenes from his novels.

As soon as Harry realized what Lockhart wanted from him, he glared at the man and went back to his seat.

"I can see we're going to be learning absolutely nothing from this class." Hermione whispered to him. "Let's come up with a decent schedule of things to learn after dinner and start copying the material for Defense club."

"That's a plan. We can use this class time to study for it." He replied.

Two days later Harry received a letter from Neville's Gran. In it, she set up a meeting for that Saturday at the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. It also said that she had informed his Head of House that his presence was required, so that he wouldn't get in trouble for leaving the school.

Professor McGonagall confirmed it with him the day after, and acknowledged that Hermione and Neville would be joining him. Harry argued that Hermione was already knowledgeable about the business to be discussed, and Neville could hardly be denied a meeting with his own Gran. McGonagall obviously didn't like it, but she couldn't rightly deny the arguments.

That Saturday, Professor McGonagall accompanied the three of them to Hogsmeade, directly to the Three Broomsticks Inn. She talked briefly to the lady behind the counter, and then turned to address them.

"Madam Longbottom is in the third room on the left, just up the stairs." She informed them, "I shall be here taking tea until you are finished."

"Thank you Professor." Harry smiled at her, and Hermione and Neville thanked her as well. McGonagall's face softened a little, and she shooed them on.

Harry had seen Neville's Gran at the train station, so he recognized her when they saw her.

"Hi Gran." Neville greeted her when they entered the room. He went over and gave her a hug, and Harry and Hermione could see her smile as he did. She didn't seem like a lady who smiled much - they hadn't seen it before then - but it was a very nice smile when it happened. As soon as she let go of Neville, the smile vanished and she resumed her habitual scowl.

"It's lovely to see you, Neville. I wasn't aware you were such great friends with mister Potter." She turned and nodded to Harry when she spoke about him. "And who might you be, dear?" She asked Hermione.

"I'm Hermione Granger, Ma'am." Hermione replied.

"She's my other best friend." Harry said.

"I see." Madam Longbottom nodded to Hermione as well, and then took a seat at the table. "Well, I was surprised to receive your letter mister Potter - "

"Just Harry if you please, ma'am."

She smiled slightly, and nodded again. "And that brings us to the crux of the issue, Harry. I was most disturbed by the things you say the headmaster said to you. You are quite right that he has absolutely no right to be so familiar nor to inquire about your life outside Hogwarts."

Harry grinned and relaxed a bit at hearing that.

"However," Madam Longbottom continued, "While excessively personal and likely a bit frightening, there honestly isn't much the board of governors can actually do about it."

Harry's smile drooped.

"I will bring it up at the next meeting, and with your permission I'd like to show the rest of the board what you sent me?"

"That would be fine, thank you." Harry said. Hopefully it would at least make some of the adults as cross as it made him and Hermione.

"Good. If, when the others read it, we agree that it is conduct unbecoming a Hogwarts headmaster, we can file an official reprimand and add a black mark to his record. Unfortunately, that is about the extent of what this transgression warrants, no matter how disturbing it may be for you." She explained.

Hermione held his hand under the table and gave him a sorry look.

"That's alright, ma'am. It's more than any adult has ever done for me before. Even sitting here listening is new, so thank you for that." Harry couldn't stop his inside sadness from showing, but at least Neville's Gran was miles better than anyone else he'd talked to - except Hermione's parents, of course.

"Excuse me just a second." Hermione said to Madam Longbottom, and then whispered to him. "Harry, you have to let her know why you can't go back to your relatives. She needs to know why it's criminal that the headmaster wants you to. You don't have to tell her, I'll tell her if you want - I know it's hard for you. Please let me."

That brought up the ball of guilt and shame in his chest again, but he could see her point. "If you can convince her to swear not to tell anyone..." He whispered back.

"I will Harry, I promise. If she won't, then I won't tell her and we'll figure something out on our own." Hermione whispered back.

He nodded slightly. "Alright, I trust you."

She wrapped her arms around him in a brief hug, and he stood up again when she let go. "I'm just going to stand in the hall for a moment while you talk." He said quietly to Madam Longbottom, and closed the door behind him when he left.

He stood in the hall just breathing deeply and trying not to think about the disgusted look on Neville's Gran's face when Hermione told her. As the seconds ticked on, he became increasingly agitated, and began to pace back and forth while he worried. As he did so, he heard voices at the end of the hall.

He paused to put his cloak on, and then crept as quietly as he could up to the door the voices were behind. The door was slightly ajar, just enough to slip a hand through, and it was enough to see into the room. There were several men in the room, talking in hushed tones, and several cloth bags that looked like they were full of coins on a table.

"The money is secondary!" One of them said angrily.

"Were you or were you not seen?" Another asked in a low, dangerous tone.

"O' course I weren't bloody seen! 'Oo you fink I bloody am?" Another answered.

"I 'fink ' you are a potential... associate." Said another voice, this one nasal and condescending. "One who had better not get caught . If our involvement in your muggle slave trade ever becomes even suspected, you will have a very long stay as our guest." The voice commanded the silence of all the others, and somehow managed to make the word 'guest' into a threat. It scared Harry even more than what Hermione was doing at that moment.

"Dobby!" That same nasal voice commanded. There was a pop sound.

"Y-yes, master?" Dobby's voice quivered.

The nasal-voiced speaker picked up a bag of coins from the table and strode toward Harry, only stopping just on the other side of the door, close enough for Harry to reach out and touch.

However, Spiff's words reverberated in his head, and he grinned. Quickly, he knelt down and pulled off a shoe and sock. He put the shoe back on, and carefully slid the sock through the door opening.

" - and I promise you will wish you'd been born a muggle." Dobby's horrible master finished.

Harry applied the sticking charm at that moment, and backed away to the far side of the hallway. He saw the man hold out the bag of coins to Dobby.

"Take it!" He commanded.

Dobby reached out and took the bag of coins with the sock hanging from the bottom, and smiled a big, beautiful smile.

"Deliver it to my personal vault." The man ordered.

Dobby shook his head. "No!" he said, and then vanished with a crack.

"WHAT?!" The man hissed in anger, and Harry tried to make himself as tiny and unnoticeable as he could as the door slammed open and the man - with long, straight, almost-white hair stormed out of the room and down the hallway with an expression just like Vernon's.

One of the other men in the room closed the door quickly, and Harry could hear them begin talking again, but couldn't make out what any of them said.

He quickly duplicated his remaining sock, and pulled it onto his naked foot, then put his shoe back on and went back to where Hermione was poking her head out of the door. He was still breathing deeply and quickly as he took off his cloak.

"There you are!" Hermione said with relief, "I thought you'd gone."

"I'd never leave you." He smiled, and she smiled back at that.

When they entered their room again, Neville's Gran looked furious, even though she kept her voice normal.

"Harry," She said, "I know that you don't want to, but it would help me to understand if you would show me... what you have shown Hermione. I have already promised secrecy, if that helps."

Harry looked over at Hermione, who nodded back.

He took a deep breath and let it out, then lifted his jumper and shirt and turned to face the door.

Neville gasped.

He dropped his shirt and jumper again, and turned back around. Neville's Gran had tears in her eyes.

"This..." She wiped her eyes, "This is an entirely different thing." She took a deep breath too then. "Instead of the Board of Governors, I will bring this to my friend Madam Bones, and we will begin a criminal investigation."

"Is that's Sue's auntie?" Neville asked.

"Yes indeed." She smoothed Neville's hair with a small smile.

"Sue is our friend too. I don't think she knows, I didn't know until just now. She doesn't, does she?" Neville turned to Harry.

Harry shook his head. "No, nobody but us, Hermione's parents, and Greg Goyle."

"You told Goyle?" Neville frowned.

"He didn't believe me when I said I got beat up. He thought I had a pet dragon and Veela servants and some other nonsense." Harry shrugged. "He hasn't told anyone else, or Malfoy and Daphne and Millie would know."

Madam Longbottom got up from her seat and bowed to Harry a little. "I thank you for your trust, Harry. I will be in touch to keep you updated on this matter, and you might receive mail from Madam Bones as well."

Harry bowed back to her, not really knowing what else to do. "Thank you, Madam Longbottom."

Harry and Hermione left then, and waited for Neville downstairs with professor McGonagall whilst he and his Gran had a short visit.

Thankfully, professor McGonagall didn't ask what it was about or anything either after they returned to school, she just left them all in the entry hall and reminded them to do their homework.

Chapter Text

Things went back to mostly normal for a little while. Harry, Hermione, Neville, Susan, Hannah, Padma, Lisa, and Dean went back to studying and practicing potions. Weekly Defense presentations resumed, and the Defense group swelled with a number of first-years who were fed up after just a week of Lockhart's useless, ego-stroking 'classes'.

Hermione asked for a show of hands from the current group for who would be willing to guide the first-years, and then set up a rotating schedule of those people for who would spend their Defense club teaching them.

That only lasted a week, however. After the middle of September Defense club had nearly all the first-years in it, they went back to the original schedule for Wednesday nights and moved the first years to Tuesday nights when most of the second-years could be there to look after them.

On Friday night, the night before Hermione's thirteenth birthday party, Harry was walking by their defense club room on his way to pick up his trunk before curfew when he spotted someone still in the club room. It was one of the Ravenclaw first years, Leslie or Lindsey... He couldn't remember her name. She was wandering about the room aimlessly and looking out the window.

"It'll be curfew soon, you should probably get to your dorm." He suggested quietly.

She turned to look at him. "Thank you for the reminder Harry Potter, but I'm locked out of the dorm. I thought I'd spend the night here on the table. Wood is much warmer than stone."

Harry noticed then that she had no shoes on either. Her feet must be freezing. He knew exactly how that felt, having been locked out overnight several times.

"What do you mean locked out?" He asked. He knew that the Ravenclaw door asked a riddle in order to let people in, but if you couldn't answer three of them it let you in anyway.

"Some of the older girls charmed the door guardian to refuse to ask me riddles, and so I can't get in." She answered. "They don't like me because I refuse to play their dominance games."

"Right." Harry said tersely, and crossed the room to stand in front of her, then turned away and crouched. "Climb on." He said.

She was hesitant, but climbed onto his back. She was very light, and that sort of made him happy that he'd grown a bit stronger than he was last year when he had trouble holding Hermione up.

He walked with her on his back to the room where his trunk was, and set her down in front of it. "What's your name?" He asked her.

"Luna Lovegood." She answered.

Harry nodded, and went to change the permissions so that Luna could come and go as she pleased. "Alright, come down." He said, and motioned her forward.

"This is a very nice trunk, Harry Potter." She said when she got inside, "It must have been very expensive."

"As far as I'm concerned, it's paid for itself a hundred times over already." He smiled at her. "The bed is warm and comfortable, the bathroom has a shower and a tub, towels are in the cupboard next to the bathroom. Help yourself to any food and drink you fancy. I'll come wake you in the morning. I move the trunk back and forth between my dorm and that room we found it in every day. Make yourself at home, and come here whenever you get locked out."

"That's very kind of you, Harry." She said after a moment, "It's almost like having a friend."

"If you want a friend, you have one. Hermione, Neville and I all know exactly what it's like to have no friends, so if you're alright with a bunch of Gryffindor mistfits, I'll definitely be your friend."

"That would be brilliant." She smiled, and kept smiling even as tears slid down her cheeks.

"Good. Never can have too many friends." He smiled back. "Make yourself warm and comfortable, get some sleep. If you wake up before I get here in the morning, you'll just have to amuse yourself. You could practice potions if you want, just use my station in the potions room there. I keep the trunk under my bed, so you won't be able to leave until after I get up."

"Thank you so much Harry." She cautiously approached and wrapped her arms around him in a brief and gentle hug.

"You're welcome, Luna. Good night." He grinned at her.

"Good night, Harry." She said.

He left the trunk and carried it with him back to the dorm, then slid it under his bed as he always did. After he showered and dressed in the morning, he collected Hermione and Neville and they went to the trunk room where Harry dropped the trunk in its usual spot, and introduced Luna to Nev and Hermione and vice versa. Hermione already remembered Luna from Defense Club, but that's just how Hermione's memory was.

He explained what Luna was doing in the trunk, and Neville invited Luna to sit with them in the Great Hall whenever she wanted. Hermione got a tremendous frown as well, and put her arm around Luna's shoulders.

"I'll give you my notes from Defense Club last year, too. Hopefully they'll be useful if you have to defend yourself when we're not around." She said, clearly cross.

She was invited to Hermione's birthday party, and Luna tried to refuse saying she didn't know and had no gift, but Hermione said her company was gift enough. She wasn't so burdened with friends that she could afford to ignore one. Hermione and Luna both had a great time at the party - it was Luna's first - and really, everyone else did as well.

After that Luna was with them more often than not, and was quite well liked by Susan and Hannah as well - Hannah because she thought Luna was hilarious, and Susan because she could tell Luna was serious and smart and loyal, even when she was being funny.

Luna's possessions, she said, had a transitory nature. They would go away and come back again in strange ways, and she said she was fine with that.

None of her friends were fine with that, however.

Neville suggested asking the Hogwarts house elves to help find her things after Harry changed his trunk options to create another bedroom and named it Luna's Room. He had the idea of duplicating everything and keeping it in her room so that if the things in her dorm 'went away' again, she would always at least have one.

When Neville called for a house elf, Dobby appeared!

"Dobby?" Harry asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Mister Harry Potter Sir!" Dobby danced a little dance and then hugged Harry's legs. "Dobby is working for Hogwarts now after Great Wizard Harry Potter Sir freed Dobby!"

"Dobby, it's just Harry, remember? I don't need all that, it's just Harry."

Dobby nodded his head several times and wrung his hands with excitement. "Mister Longbottom Sir called Dobby?"

"Er, right." Neville perked up and resolved to ask Harry about Dobby later. He explained to Dobby why he called, that the plan was to ask for his help in locating and collecting Luna's things and then copy them so she'd have a safe set there in the trunk.

"Dobby would be happy to!" He bounced twice, and then disappeared with a pop . He appeared a few moments later with a crack, along with all of Luna's things. He deposited them on her bed, and then snapped his fingers and the whole lot copied itself.

"Brilliant, Dobby!" Harry smiled. "Thanks!"

Luna threw her arms around Dobby and hugged him. "Thank you so much Dobby." She said.

"Right, now that's dealt with, what do you mean Harry freed you?" Hermione asked Dobby.

Dobby let go of Luna and took a moment to center himself. Harry recognized the action, he had to do the same thing to be able to think straight after Hermione first started giving him hugs - they were powerful when you'd never had one before.

"Dobby's old bad master was mean and hurt Dobby terribly. Dobby had to iron his hands when old bad master said to, and got beatings five times a day. Then old bad master taught young bad master to hurt Dobby as magic practice. Harry Potter tricked old bad master into giving Dobby a sock, and Dobby was free!"

"You didn't say anything about this!" Hermione accused Harry, "When was this?"

"While you and Nev were talking to his Gran." Harry answered. "I just forgot about it when we got back here and went straight into studying." Then he turned to Dobby. "I thought you would just go on about whatever elves do. I never expected to see you at school, what are you doing here Dobby?"

Dobby wrung his hands as he answered and looked around the room as though scanning for threats. "All the sources of natural magic all have families of elves living there, there isn't any room for another. Only Hogwarts has enough magic to live on, so Dobby must live at Hogwarts because he has no witch or wizard to provide magic."

"You mean you need a source of magic to live?" Hermione asked with raised eyebrows.

Dobby nodded enthusiastically. "Elves need magic to live, that's why Dobby served old bad master. Better to suffer a bad master than to die. All elves only want to serve and help a good master because without a master most elves can't live at all."

"Are there many elves who need to come to Hogwarts?" Harry asked, "Free elves who need magic? How many elves are there?" If he could get an elf out of the same situation he and Dobby had been in, there was no way he wouldn't.

"Dobby is not sure how many elves there are, Harry Potter Sir. Dobby knows there are no elves waiting to work at Hogwarts right now."

Harry nodded. "Okay, well if there is an elf wanting to come to work at Hogwarts, come and tell me please." He looked at Hermione and she cocked her head to the side slightly, wondering what he was thinking.

Dobby nodded enthusiastically again. "Dobby will do, Mister Harry Potter Sir."

Harry smiled at his little friend. "Thanks, Dobby."

Dobby smiled and popped away then.

"You don't know about house elves?" Neville asked.

Harry shook his head. "Of course I don't Nev, I just found out about magic last year. I don't even know how much I don't know, you know?"

"Oh. Right." Neville said sheepishly. "I forgot."

"So what are you thinking?" Hermione asked Harry, unable to contain her curiosity.

"Well..." Harry took a deep breath. "You know I know exactly how Dobby felt before he was freed... I'm thinking I would like to free every elf who is suffering and give them a healthy home to have, at least for a while. If they want to go find another family to live with, that's up to them, but I would like to at least try to help them. I know I don't know how just yet, but I think that can be an ongoing project after graduation."

"I think that sounds very noble, Harry." Luna said.

"That's going to make a lot of people mad." Neville said.

Hermione just turned Harry by his shoulders and wrapped her arms around him. "Yes." She said.

Luna looked at the two of them with her head cocked to the side, and then wrapped her arms around Neville and squeezed him just like Hermione did to Harry.

"Mmm." She cooed, "That is very nice."

Neville patted her back while he blushed and wondered what exactly was happening.

Thankfully after the excitement with Dobby and Luna, school went back to a regular routine. Harry was particularly happy that the first years all said hello in the halls and were more confident in their spellcasting. Harry and Hermione in particular studied more and more advanced material so that they could be confident in teaching others. Neville and Luna kept up, and their little group began to accumulate potions to be re-graded at the end of the year.

Harry had to expand the trunk again as more people joined their potions group; he expanded the lounge to be a large gathering room, he added several workrooms for upper year subjects like runes and arithmancy, and moved the relevant subjects out of the collective library into those rooms. He also rearranged things so that there was a private hallway that led to the private lounge and the few bedrooms. He also added another bathroom off the main lounge so people didn't have to go looking for it. After encountering more than thirty people in his trunk at once, Dean took to calling their group 'Harry's trunk monkeys' after an American advert he'd seen. Nobody else understood it, but it was funny anyway.

After a very pleasant halloween party in the trunk for all the monkeys earlier in the day Harry, Hermione, Susan, and Hannah were walking toward the trunk room to pick it up for the night. They were stopped by a puddle of water that spilled into the hallway from one of the lavatories. Above the water, on the wall was a message written in red: "THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR BEWARE". Hanging from a wall sconce by the door to the lavatory was Mrs. Norris, mister Filch's cat.

"Oh no!" Hannah said when she saw the cat.

Hermione took her wand out.

"Dobby!" Harry called out.

Dobby appeared almost instantly. "Dobby, could you please find mister Filch and bring him here at once, something's happened to missus Norris."

Dobby nodded once and vanished, only to reappear seconds later with mister Filch.

"What? What is this?" Filch demanded.

"We just found her, mister Filch." Susan said. "We asked Dobby to fetch you straight away."

"Thanks Dobby." Harry smiled at the elf.

"My... my poor..." mister Filch stammered as he took in the scene.

Hermione finished what she was doing with her wand, and smiled. "She's not dead." She said. "I think she's somehow petrified though." She tapped the tip of her wand against the cat's flank and it made a dull tink sound, as of wood tapping stone.

"Get away from her!" Mister Filch cried, and moved between Hermione and the cat. He glared at Hermione for a moment, and then gently lifted the stone cat into his arms. "This is YOUR fault!" He yelled at Harry.

"What? How is that possible?" Susan frowned at Filch. "We've only just now found her! He brought you here because he knew you'd be upset! Don't you dare blame Harry!"

Mister Filch looked enraged that Susan had stuck up for Harry, and walked briskly away whilst muttering about vile methods of torture.

Hermione shook her head as the man walked off. "Honestly." She complained. "You try to help someone..."

A few minutes later professor Snape and headmaster Dumbledore showed up, demanding to know what was going on. Susan and Hermione did most of the explaining, but the headmaster kept looking at Harry like he was expecting him to regale the old man with his tales of heroism or something. As though Harry were somehow a miniature Gilderoy Lockhart. All it actually accomplished was to make Harry even more leery of the headmaster and even more creeped out by his attention.

"Can I use your post box?" Susan asked as they left the besmirched hallway. "I think I should let aunt Amelia there's some very creepy, fishy nonsense going on here."

"Please." Harry replied, "Anytime. All the time."

A week later, Susan's aunt showed up at the castle during breakfast with two dozen Aurors in tow.

"Fan out. You know what to do. Bring me anything suspect." She ordered, and the Aurors dispersed.

The headmaster wasted no time in getting to his feet and dragging Susan's aunt away from the great hall.

It became clear after a few of the older students entered the great hall talking about a 'top to bottom' what was going on. The Weasley twins shot pale, horrified looks at each other, and bolted from the room.

Harry, Hermione, and Neville turned to look at Susan over at the Hufflepuff table, and she smiled a big, satisfied smile back at them. Harry grinned back, Hermione raised her hands and mimed clapping at her, and Neville mimed a short bow in her direction.

Before breakfast was even over they saw Aurors escort a large number of upper-year Slytherins out of the castle under arrest. So too the Weasley twins were arrested and removed from the school. Whereas the upper year Slytherins had their belongings with them, the Weasley twins were escorted out accompanied by three large boxes that floated along behind them.

They heard from Susan later that there was a large kafuffle between her aunt and the headmaster. She didn't know what it was about, but apparently the headmaster barely dodged arrest himself. It wasn't until Tuesday night that they found out one of their first year defense club members was also arrested - the Weasley twins' sister, as it turned out. A few of her friends were saddened that she wasn't there, but did their best to focus on the lesson anyway.

Things settled straight away and returned to normal after that. Several of the upper year Slytherins who were arrested didn't return to school, and there weren't many in the school who were upset by it. The Weasley twins did return, though they looked far less happy in general.

Harry returned to studying and talking with his friends and studying. Also studying, with promise of studying after that. There was an ill-fated attempt at a duelling club at the beginning of December, and Hermione was energetically excited for it... for about an hour, until she saw who was running the club as she went to sign up for it. She sighed a hefty sigh and put the quill back down and left. No chance was she going to attend a voluntary class offered by Lockhart. It would probably focus on what distinct shade of chartreuse his favourite duelling outfit was.

Harry mentioned that they could start adding duelling drills to their defense club, and have an end-of-year tourney. He could even come up with some prizes for the winners while he was shopping for christmas.

Hermione flipped her energy switch back on at hearing that, and squeezed him so hard his bones creaked. She went immediately and wrote a schedule of drills and a tournament chart for the first and second years.

Harry added prizes to his shopping list.

He went back to studying, and it wasn't until the headmaster summoned him to his office that it sunk in it was christmas break next week.

Of course, the headmaster gave him a disappointed speech and insisted he go to the Dursleys, but all Harry took away from the conversation was his memory of the conversation, which he promptly transcribed and sent to Susan's aunt, as per her request. He had less than no intention of ever seeing a Dursley again and no guilt trip from a suspicious old man would change that, no matter who it was.

The headmaster was so insistent and obnoxious that Harry turned down an offer to spend christmas with the Grangers even though he'd like nothing better in the world. He simply didn't trust the headmaster not to show up at the Grangers' looking for him to take him back to the Dursleys.

However, he underestimated Dumbledore. The headmaster was waiting at the station when the train stopped, looking for all the world like a concerned party, there to wave and wish everyone a happy christmas.

Yeah, right.

"He's never come to the station before." Susan noted.

"Three guesses why he's here now." Hermione grumbled. "I see why you begged off christmas now, Harry. I'm sorry for doubting you." She apologized.

"You know I'd love nothing better than to stay with you and your parents for the hols." He replied. "I just don't want it ruined by him showing up and throwing magic around just to put me back in the torture cage."

Hermione wrapped him in a hug. "Thanks for that. I would go absolutely spare if that happened. I'll go a little nutty as it is, even knowing you're safe. You'd better call me."

Harry dropped the hug and grinned at her. "Of course I will." He looked around at everyone else looking at them. "And I'll write to everyone, of course. Have a happy christmas, all of you." He straightened his cap on his head after Hermione's hug had knocked it wonky.

"You too, both of you." Neville, Susan and Hannah replied.

Harry stayed in the cabin until they'd all gone, and closed and locked the door.

"Dobby!" Harry called quietly from their cabin.

Dobby appeared next to him. "What can Dobby do for you, Harry Potter Sir?"

"Here's the problem. I need to get to the Ministry without being found by Dumbledore over there. I do have my invisibility cloak, but I'm not great at being sneaky. Do you know any elf magic or anything that could help?"

"What part of the Ministry would Harry Potter like to go to?" Dobby asked.

"I need an international portkey. I read there's an office for that."

Dobby nodded, and put his hand on Harry's arm. There was a great pressure over his whole body, and then they were inside the Ministry. Harry recognized the decor.

Across the hall there was a somewhat populated office with a ticket counter, under a sign that said INTERNATIONAL.

"Dobby, you're brilliant!" Harry said with a smile. "Would you mind if I asked you to do that again in the future?"

"Dobby would love to help the Great and Kind Harry Potter Sir full time." Dobby said, and dropped his eyes to the floor while he put his hands behind his back and toed the ground.

"What?" Harry stopped and looked at Dobby. "You already do, Dobby, you're a great friend." He frowned... and then clued in to what Dobby was hinting at. "Sorry, Dobby! I forgot you said you need a source of magic. Are you really sure you want to, er... join my family?"

Dobby bounced and wrung his hands. "Oh yes, Great Harry Potter Sir! More than anything!"

"Right then. Look, I need to get away from Britain as fast as possible, so um, if I call you when I'm far away will you still hear me?"

Dobby nodded. "From anywhere, Harry Potter Sir."

"Okay brilliant. I'll go and get settled where I'm staying, and I'll call you later so we can talk about it, is that alright?" Harry looked around at all the Ministry workers coming and going, and thankfully none were yet looking at him.

"Dobby will be waiting, sir." Dobby nodded.

"Thanks, mate." Harry grinned back, and headed for the ticket counter.

Dobby popped away before he even got across the hallway.

"Good afternoon, young man." The lady behind the counter said. "Planning a trip?"

Harry smiled at her. "Yes ma'am, off abroad now that school's out for the hols."

"Oh that's nice." She smiled back. "Fill out the form for your name and destination, please." She slid a piece of parchment and a quill closer to the edge of the counter for him.

Harry wrote his destination as Honolulu, and his name as Don Ho. The portkey was a rusty bottle opener that activated with the phrase 'winter wonderland', and Harry paid fifteen galleons for it.

He thanked the nice lady, and with a smile said "Off to a winter wonderland."

Harry called Hermione as soon as he was shown to his oceanfront room at the Outrigger Waikiki. He said he was safely away and ensconced, and was about to tell her where, but she stopped him and said it was better if she didn't know. He saw the sense in that, and while they were talking about it, he suggested that if the headmaster did show up at her house whilst they were talking, she should just say 'headmaster' and hang up, and then he would call again the next day.

They talked for a while about the train and her parents, and he said hello to them. Then he brought up the Dobby issue.

"So, I found out today as I was leaving that... the former Malfoy elf - don't say his name, he's listening for it!"

"Oh." Hermione had been about to, of course. "Is he really?"

"Apparently he can hear us call him from anywhere in the world."

"Holy cricket!" Hermione exclaimed. "That's impressive!"

"Yeah it is. He said that he wants to join my family more than anything else in the world, but I wanted to talk to you about it since you have a better idea about slavery and things."

"Is that how you phrased it?" She asked, "Join your family?"

"Yeah, I don't want a slave or a servant or anything. I mean, he'd be dead useful to have around, but It makes me a little creeped out that he'd want me to ask him to do things. Clean the bathroom, clean my room, cook meals... I mean, it would feel weird to ask anyone to do that stuff, but at the same time I don't want him to think I don't value him being there." Harry laid out his dilemma.

Hermione thought about it. "Well... we know he actually needs a source of magic in order to live, so you'd be doing him a favour by taking him in... I think it would come down to the two of you talking about it and compromising together like we do. We both know you'd never harm him or treat him like a servant, so I'm hardly worried about that."

"Alright, I'll do that while I'm here. I just wanted to talk to you first in case you thought of something I didn't." Harry confirmed. "I'm also going to buy a camera today and take a million snaps to show you when we get back."

Hermione cheered. "I'd like that. Mum and Dad are giving me the hang up motion, so I guess we have to go to aunt Cressida's now. Yep, they're nodding. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Talk to you tomorrow Hermione. Have fun!" Harry hung up.

He fetched his list of things to do while he was there, and added 'buy good camera, take snaps' to the top of it.

Chapter Text

"Headmaster." Hermione said, and hung up.

"Dirty old git." Harry grumbled, and turned his phone off. It was a bit satisfying that he was right, but annoying that their pleasant conversation was interrupted. Even more than that, there was the annoying interruption for the Grangers, and that made him upset for them as well as a little guilty.

Hermione had been right again in telling him not to tell her where he was. She had been right to include her parents in the people they told about the headmaster's weird and creepy behaviour toward him as well. He only hoped they weren't too put out by the unexpected visit.

He sighed in frustration, and decided to go surfing to calm down. The waves that rolled in to waikiki beach weren't huge, but that suited Harry just fine. Maybe after he was really good at it large waves might be more fun, but he'd only learned how to surf three days ago. The neat bright pink hotel next door had a surf school and shop attached to it, so he'd signed up immediately.

He changed into his swimwear, grabbed his board, and headed to the elevator. Once he was in the water and paddling out toward the reef he started to calm down and keep his mind on what he was doing. Kimo - the surfing instructor - had stressed over and over again that even experienced surfers could drown easily if they weren't paying attention to what they were doing. Harry had learned how to stay calm when underwater and watch which way the bubbles went so he could see where the surface was. He had really enjoyed learning all the little interesting facts like that, he thought that was very practical and it tickled his sensibilities.

After a couple of hours of catching and riding waves, he let the last wave carry him right to the shore. He picked up his board and went to one of the empty chaises that lined the beach to lie down and dry off. He showered when he got back to his room, and spent the rest of the afternoon writing and mailing thank you notes for the christmas presents he'd received that morning.

Hermione told him the next day that the headmaster was looking for him, and that she had honestly told him she didn't have the first clue where Harry might be. Thankfully he'd seemed to be in a bit of a rush, so he hadn't stayed more than a minute or two.

The next week passed quickly, and when Harry wasn't surfing or exploring or talking to Hermione, he was studying. Inspired by Kimo, Harry tried to think of practical applications while he was studying, to try to ferret out the little tips and tricks that had made learning to surf so neat. He also tacked a huge number of snaps to the wall of his personal toom in the trunk that he'd taken of neat things or scenery.

All too soon, it was time to go back to Britain. Harry checked out of the hotel and paid the bill, then wandered into the market near the giant Banyan tree. He stayed relaxed and quiet, and when the portkey activated, nobody was near him or even looking in his direction.

He was dumped by the portkey onto his stomach on the sidewalk outside the Ministry building. After getting up and dusting himself off, he walked the short distance to King's Cross. The train wasn't scheduled to leave until the next day, but on a whim Harry walked through to platform nine and three-quarters.

Surpsisingly, the train was already there. Then again, that sort of made sense since it probably took time to get it turned around and perform maintenance and such. Harry took out his invisibility cloak, and got on the train. There was a red-robed Auror there, walking boredly up and down the platform, but Harry was quiet and didn't alert the Auror at all. He found a nice compartment, and put his trunk on the luggage rack. He climbed up to stand on the seat, then the window ledge, and swung his leg up to catch the edge of the luggage rack. He heaved himself up onto the luggage rack, and opened the trunk to worm his way onto the stairs. It took a fair minute to be able to turn around - he tried to just fold himself in half and turn, then smacked his own forehead, went down the stairs, and just walked back up. He closed the lid, and settled in to relax until tomorrow.

Even if he managed to dodge the headmaster on the platform, Harry knew he would just summon him to his office anyway, so he wrote and mailed a letter to Susan to ask if her aunt would escort him to that meeting, and included that Dumbledore had already bothered the Grangers on christmas day looking for him when he had absolutely no business looking for him at all.

With a frustrated sigh, he pulled out his homework to go over it again before he handed it in. He spent the rest of the evening just relaxing, and didn't bother to set an alarm for the morning as he was already on the train.

There was a knock on the trunk at quarter to eleven the next morning, and Harry found Neville there looking up at him.

"Hey Nev." Harry smiled through the gap in the trunk's halves. "Good christmas?"

"You are in, good. Yes, thanks. You?" Neville smiled back.

"Brilliant, apart from the headmaster annoying Hermione whilst looking for me. He'll likely show up here looking for me too, that's why I wasn't going to come out until the train's pulled out already."

Neville's smile fell. "Oh. Well alright, I'll just sit under you then and let you know when the coast is clear."

"Thanks Nev, see you in a bit." Harry grinned, and descended back into the trunk.

When Neville knocked on the trunk again a while later, the train was under way and Hermione, Susan, Hannah, Millie, and Lisa had joined Neville in the cabin.

Before he climbed out of the trunk, Neville fetched it down and put it on the floor so he didn't have to kick people in the head climbing down. Once that was done, Harry handed out the hawaiian shirts he'd bought as souvenirs for everyone.

"What is this horrible thing?" Millie asked, half agog at the shirt, and half disgusted by it.

"Yay, Hawaiian shirts!" Hermione put hers on over the jumper she wore, and the shirt re-sized itself.

"A souvenir from Hawaii." Harry explained to Millie. "It's sort of a muggle tradition when visiting Hawaii to wear the most flamboyant, eye-watering colours."

"Oh, well that's fine then. I was going to say if you wanted to design something to make Dumbledore jealous, this would be it."

That got a laugh from the cabin's occupants.

He handed out the rest of the shirts as people circulated through the train, and when the train pulled into the station, Susan pulled him along with her to meet her aunt, who was standing on the platform waiting for them.

"Good afternoon, mister Potter. I must say I was greatly disturbed by your message, most especially by the transcript of your meeting with Albus."

"Good afternoon Missus - er, Miss? Madam?"

"Madam is my usual." Susan's aunt stifled a smile.

"Madam Bones. Thank you for coming. I am also upset by the headmaster's behaviour - which now includes disrupting my friends' holidays just so he can ask my whereabouts. As far as I'm aware, he has absolutely no business asking where I am. Hermione told me about something the muggle law has called a restraining order, which is an order from the court that bans someone's behaviour on pain of arrest and jail. Does the Magicking world have anything like that?"

Susan's aunt turned and began to walk toward the carriages that would take them to the castle, so Harry, Hermione, Susan, Neville, and Hannah all followed along.

"After the talking-to I've already handed him on the subject, I think we can manage something similar." Madam Bones replied.

"I hope so. They way he tries to treat me like he's my kindly grandad is really creepy. It's like he's appointed himself my caregiver or something just because I'm famous for something my parents did. It's gross and I just want him to stop."

"He'll have to talk to you if it's about your schoolwork." Hermione pointed out.

"Why?" Harry replied, "He doesn't talk to any other student about their schoolwork, that's always Head of House. He's got no business talking to me at all unless I'm getting expelled or something."

"Please don't." Hermione said quickly.

"I don't know, Hermione. If Madam Bones can't make him stop interfering, I'm going to have to go to a different school. Maybe the one in France."

"Oh!" Hermione grinned and skipped excitedly, "In that case, I'll come too. My parents are already fed up with the nonsense here in Magicking Britain."

They rode the carriage up to the castle with Madam Bones, and when they exited the carriage, Susan's aunt turned to face Harry.

"You can go on to dinner or your dorm or wherever you like, mister Potter. I'll go have a conversation with the headmaster and see if I can't make him stop being creepy." She said with a smile.

Harry stepped into her and hugged her. "Thank you for even the attempt, Madam Bones. It'll be a huge weight off my mind if you can manage it."

"We'll see, mister Potter, we'll see. Either way, the next time he does speak with you and the subject isn't expulsion, please do send me a note with what was said."

Harry nodded and smiled as he stepped back. "I will, thank you again." He breathed a sigh of relief, and as the group turned toward the great hall, he said to Susan "You were right, Sue. Your auntie is awesome."

"Told you." Sue replied with a happy grin. She turned to wave at her aunt, who smiled and waved back at her.

Surprisingly, professor McGonagall didn't tell Harry the headmaster would like to see him in his office. Harry retired to the common room with everyone else when dinner was finished. Harry sat back on the sofa and just smiled to himself as he watched some people discussing footie, others going over - or completing - their holidays homework. He barely had time to get comfortable though, before Hermione pulled him out of the common room into the hall and into an abandoned classroom four halls away.

"What's up?" He asked when she had locked the door.

She sat in a desk next to him. "Tell me about the Voice." She said. "Please, I mean. I'm ever so curious."

Well, Spiff was affecting Hermione's life now too, and it wasn't like he didn't trust her. She was his other best friend, after all. He supposed he would have to start by telling her about the Dursleys and why he was in his cupboard, so he took a few deep breaths and braced himself for her to not want to be his friend anymore. He took a seat across from her and started at the beginning.

"You already know about my scars, so you know what my life was like at the Dursleys." He said.

She reached across the gap between them, and held his hand in hers without saying anything, just encouraged him to continue.

"I didn't tell you that I grew up in the cupboard under the stairs. They would lock me in just because they hated me, and let me out to do work for them. I cooked the meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry and the lawns and gardening. I did essentially everything, and when they were angry they would just lock me in and leave me there for days.

"Most of the time I didn't mind that so much, since having to interact with them was so much worse, but sometimes I got really lonely and I would look out through the crack and think about the people in the next house or the next town, or in some far off place, and wonder what their lives were like. Anyway, I was doing that when I heard Spiff the first time, and I think it scared me as much as it scared you.

"He just started talking the way he does, and I thought I might've flipped, just hearing voices. Then he started explaining character creation and background perks. He made me faster and smarter, Hermione. Instantly. I don't think I need to tell you, I freaked out a little."

"Oh no, I can imagine." She said, remembering her own experience.

They smiled at each other over that.

"He said that strength and magic power were meaningless, and that only speed, smarts, and charisma mattered. He said a charisma score of two was the minimum to make friends with lots of other kids, but he gave me three because any more than that wouldn't help. So I guess I'm as charismatic as I need to be."

Hermione nodded. "That makes sense. My parents adore you. Dad was ever so disappointed you wouldn't be around for the hols."

"I was disappointed too, but... well, I suppose I should tell you what Spiff said about Dumbledore. I'll get to that in a bit though. After Spiff went on about my abilities, he said I'd need what he called Magic Overload in order to be able to gain infinite wealth."

"Right, you mentioned that, but that doesn't make any sense. How could anything like that be infinite?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm guessing it's something to do with how the goblins make and track the money." Harry went on to explain how he had learned the duplication spell and applied it over and over again to everything in his vault, and as a result the balance hadn't shifted no matter how much he'd spent.

Hermione frowned a lot, and when he offered to take her to his vault to see for herself, she agreed to put her concerns on hold until they could research it better.

He then explained his meeting with Dumbledore, and how Spiff could just make everything he - and Hagrid - had been about to say just stop.

"When I was in the headmaster's office, Spiff let me know that it was him who wanted me to go back to the Dursley's. That's why he hounded you looking for me, so he could make me go back to that hell."

"Oh, Harry." Hermione looked furious, and upset, and slightly green at the same time.

He went on to explain exactly what had happened in the office, how Spiff had pointed him to the cloak and the little gadgets that were using the illegal tracking charms on him to monitor everything about his life. He also told her how Spiff had got him to use Dumbledore's wand to cancel all the charms on him and how different he'd felt afterward. He had no idea what had been cast on him, but the removal of those spells made him sharper and had taken away his tendancy to just let things go.

Hermione was horrified at that, and he had to pause to hug her, to remind her that he was okay now and re-iterate that was why he didn't trust the headmaster at all.

She held onto him, just clutched him to her for a long few minutes. Harry didn't mind at all, either. Ever since he'd recognized that Hermione was feminine, he'd been more than happy to hold her. She smelled really nice as well.

At last, she separated from him, and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry." She said, "I didn't want to believe that anyone in charge could have such terrible behaviour, but I suppose it's better we know than to not find out."

"I look at it like this: He's the headmaster of our school. Nothing more, nothing less. He's a stranger who does the job of adminstration of our school. As long as he keeps to that and doesn't try to interfere where he has no business, there's nothing wrong."

"No, you're right, that's absolutely right. I just... I suppose I wanted our teachers to be like my parents. Supportive, helpful, loving. They aren't, and there's no reason I should think they're anything but teachers. As you said, strangers with a job to do."

"I guess that's why they say trust is earned. Even professor McGonagall does what the headmaster says and hasn't actually helped any of us. She's nice enough, but not exactly helpful."

Hermione nodded and took a deep breath. "Much like professors Flitwick and Sprout."

"Yeah." Harry rubbed her shoulder. "You going to be alright?"

She smiled back at him. "I will be." She took his hand in hers and laced their fingers, and they sat there for a little while, each enjoying the comfortable silence as they worked through their own thoughts.

"Do you think -" Hermione asked suddenly, "Will Spiff turn up again?"

"Probably." Harry replied after a moment's thought. "He mentioned something to do with magic power, and I don't think either of us has had any kind of boost to that."

"Oh." She said softly. "Is it strange that I sort of like whatever this thing with Spiff is? I just... I like that it's just us. Something special for just the two of us."

"It's brilliant, if I'm honest." Harry admitted, "It was just another odd thing about me when it was just me, but now it's happening to you as well I know I've not just lost the plot. It's real, and there's no-one I'd rather share it with. It's a great relief that I'm not crazy, and a great comfort that it's you. Thanks for being here with me."

She hugged him again briefly. "Thanks, you too Harry. Do you think he'll have anything else for us soon? I feel a bit like I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall and it's a little stressful."

"Sorry, on that score I have no idea. Sometimes he'll say what's next, and sometimes - like in the headmaster's office - he'll just show up out of the blue. He didn't say anything about what's next, so we're just stuck living until he shows up again." Harry sighed. It would be nice to know so he could expect it, but there it was.

"I suppose it would be best to just ignore it until it happens then." Hermione sighed as well. He knew one thing about his best friend - she hated uncertainty.

"I would imagine he might show up toward the end of the year. I mean, he did last year and said it was unavoidable. If we are living according to some script we don't know, then maybe there's an end of year thing we have to get through. I hope not, but maybe."

"Hm." Hermione chewed that over mentally. "I guess we'll see."

That Wednesday at Defense Club, Harry handed out Hawaiian shirts to the rest of the people he hadn't already seen, including Luna who regularly attended both clubs meetings. Most of the club had no idea what it was, apart from eye-watering. Dean and Justin both called him a lucky sod. Harry explained it was a kind of tradition when visiting a particular tropical island, and before Millie got started with her presentation, Hermione announced the integration of duelling to the club, and that they would start with Millie's presentation of the shield charm. Once everyone had learned to accomplish it properly they would, starting next week, practice it for fifteen minutes before the presentation.

Needless to say, everyone was rather excited for it, and Millie's presentation turned out to be the most enthusiastically received in the history of Defense club.

Just before everyone broke up and left, Hermione announced the end-of-year tourney, and Lisa stuck the tournament chart she and Hermione had come up with to the wall with a sticking charm. Lisa also added that there were prizes for the winners, courtesy of Harry.

Harry had never in his life imagined that anyone would clap and cheer for him, but when it happened he could feel heat rising into his face even as he smiled out at all his friends. He was actually proud to be able to do something like that for them, and he thanked Spiff for making it possible.

Harry forgot all about the headmaster after that, and turned his attention back to studying and having fun with his friends. Luna still occasionally got locked out of her dorm, but she actually liked when that happened because it meant she got to spend the night in her room in Harry's trunk. It was a little bit lonely since she would have liked to have friends around her, but she would gladly take a little bit lonely over freezing all night.

The end of year tournament came down to Daphne, Hermione, and Luna. Harry had been taken out by Hermione in the third round, and was happy to sit by and cheer for everyone. The penultimate match was Hermione versus Luna, and it dragged on forever. Hermione and Luna were both quick and brilliant, but in the end Hermione won because Luna was younger and Hermione had a bit more stamina.

Of course, Hermione was near-exhausted when she faced Daphne as a result, and Daphne won when Hermione was red-faced and drenched in sweat and panting. It had been a close thing though.

As it was, when Hermione was clipped with Daphne's Freezing Charm she just sat down and clapped for Daphne, before lying on her back and breathing heavily. Some people were a little confused that Hermione hadn't been immobilized, but the issue was lost in the subsequent celebration.

Everyone who participated in the tournament received a small purse of 10 galleons and a gift certificate to Honeydukes. Luna received a small gold cup with 3rd Place Duellist 1992 on it, and fifty galleons in it. Hermione received a bigger cup with 2nd place on it and seventy-five galleons in it, and Daphne received a large cup nearly fifty centimeters tall with a hundred galleons in it as the first place trophy. Everyone was completely shocked at the prizes they'd been competing for, and when Harry suggested the tournament be a yearly thing, everyone cheered enough to half-deafen him.

Exams took up the whole of the next week, and even though they knew they were already over-prepared, Hermione stressed and fretted and spent far too much time awake and studying, even though she was already exhausted from duelling. Harry put up with it for about nine hours, and then made her some tea with a bit of calming draught mixed in. After he made her drink the whole thing, she continued to study for nearly five minutes before she could barely keep her head up. Harry picked her up off her chair and carried her to his room in the trunk and put her in his bed. He removed her outer robe first and left it beside the bed, then covered her with the blanket. He left the trunk out beside his bed in his dorm so she could climb out when she woke up, and went to bed himself.

He'd already put the trunk back in the trunk room before she woke up, and had made her breakfast when she came wandering out of the bedroom.

"How long was I out?" She asked blearily, and then froze as adrenaline stiffened her spine. "The exam! Tell me I didn't miss the exam!" She half-shouted in fear.

"Hermione." Harry replied calmly, "I wouldn't let you miss the exam, come on. Now sit down and eat, you'll need the energy."

I took a moment for her to move, but when she sat at the table he could see she was breathing heavily. She started to eat, and then stopped to look at the table and what she was eating.

"Blueberry pancakes, fresh creme, diced pineapple... Harry, this is all my favourite things."

"Picked the pineapple myself, too." He smiled back at her. "I thought you might be cross with me since I put calming draught in your tea last night."

"You did what?!" She turned to glare at him.

"You were just grinding yourself down, Hermione. You were exhausted and you weren't helping yourself by bashing your head against it, but you're too stubborn so I had to take care of you. You're always taking care of me, I thought it only fair I take care of you too."

Hermione turned her frown toward the table as she thought about it, and as much as she didn't want to, she had to admit he was right. She blew a hard breath upward that lifted the hair out of her eyes, and then smiled back at him. "I suppose I'll let you live this time."

Harry grinned and leaned forward to hug her.

"Thank you Harry." She whispered as she hugged him back.

"My pleasure." He replied.

She tucked into breakfast with gusto after that, and they were still twenty minutes early for their exam.

Thankfully, Hermione was happy with her performance during the exam, and after that things went back to being normal for exams. They studied and quizzed each other, and everyone who dropped by the trunk during the day stayed to do the same, at least for a while.

At the end of the week, after the final exam, Harry and Hermione heard Spiff again as they walked toward dinner.

"Hello there ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another video wiv your favourite British exploiter, yes it is I, the Spiffing Brit! We are back in Harbour Opener's newest offering, The Magicking World. We've already been over the Infinite Wealth exploit, we've dug into the secret 'features' of the game, and we've pulled off a never-before-seen double immortality exploit. 'But Spiff!' I hear you ask, 'What could possibly be left to exploit?'

"Well, sit back, relax, and make sure you've a nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea in hand, because in this video we'll be attempting an exploit that can only be done after a successful immortality exploit - that's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to dive into the Chamber of Secrets for a spicy little number I like to call lefal Occlumency."

Both Harry and Hermione had stopped walking when they heard Spiff start to talk, but they turned to look at each other when he paused.

"Lethal Occlumency?" Hermione raised her eyebrows.

Harry shrugged.

"Now, in order to pull off this exploit, we'll have to go to the girl's loo on the second floor." Spiff said, and then said no more.

Hermione frowned. "He does that often?" She asked.

"Pretty often." Harry answered.

"It's irritating."

"Yeah, but I think we're operating on different time levels, so there isn't much we can do about it. Besides, I think the benefits far outweigh the irritation." Harry smiled.

"Alright, that's a fair point." Hermione conceded. "It's still irritating."

"Yeah, it is." Harry agreed.

They walked most of the second floor before they found the right bathroom, and knew it was the right one because Spiff started talking again when they entered it.

"Ignoring the delightful bog ghost, we'll just hiss the magic words at the sinks in magic snakey language to open the sewage pipes we need to ride, wahey! JustlikeButlins. Then we get off the bog flume ride into a crunchy carpet made of wee skeletons! Oh Harbour Opener, so edgy, so macabre! I'm honestly shocked the game doesn't come wiv black lipstick..."

They listened for another few seconds until they were sure Spiff had moved on again.

"Magic words in magic snakey language?" Hermione sighed.

"Not much of a hint, is it?" Harry sighed as well. Hermione walked all around the circle of sinks and stopped next to where she'd started.

"This one is embossed with a snake relief." She pointed at the tap. "I guess this is it? Spiffing person hasn't mentioned any magic words to you before, has he?"

Harry shook his head. "Sorry, no. I was just trying to figure that out."

Hermione looked at the sink in question. "Open sesame." She said. Nothing happened.

"Open." Harry tried. Immediately, the sinks split apart and began to rotate away from their center, which was revealed as a large hole in the floor.

"What was that?!" Hermione glared at him. "Why didn't you tell me you could speak snake?!"

"I can't!" Harry protested, "That was English!"

Hermione frowned and cocked her head at him. "You really think that was English?"

"Yes! I don't even speak French! Well, nothing you didn't teach me, anyway." Harry said.

"Interesting." She replied. "We'll have to experiment with that later then, because that was definitely not English. It sounded like 'Sheeehooasshhh', with your tongue flicking out."

Harry blinked. "Really?"

Hermione nodded back at him. "I mean, it has to be magical of course, snakes don't have ears and detect other animals by vibration through the ground and tasting the air. I was thinking it might have to be some kind of sign language, maybe with using your finger like a snakes's tail or something. If it's a magical thing though, then maybe we can learn how to make my magic copy yours. I read that arithmancy was like maths and engineering for spells, so maybe we can use that to copy you and make that a project for later."

Harry relaxed a bit then. "Well, assuming I can do it again and it wasn't something Spiff-related."

"True." Hermione conceded. "Like I said, we'll experiment later."

Harry nodded and turned to the big, black, smelly hole in the floor. "Should we just jump in, do you think?"

Hermione's lips tightened against each other, and then she sighed. "As much as I want to say no, I don't see any - Just a minute."

She went to the loo stall and pulled a fistful of bogroll, wadded it up, and put it on the floor next to the hole. She pointed her wand at it, and it changed into wood, covered with black goo. "Incendio." She said, and the little wooden ball with black goo on caught flame. Then she nudged it with her toe, and it dropped into the hole.

They watched it fall until it contacted the side of the huge open pipe, and began to roll down. They could hear it rolling and listened for a minute until it stopped.

"At least it isn't a dead drop into a bloody great plant." Harry noted.

"No, thankfully." Hermione agreed. "If we jump in here, we should hit the side and just slide down, so I shouldn't think it too dangerous. Barring that we can't see the end, of course."

"I'll go first then, so if it does drop off at least you'll land on me." Harry said, and jumped into the hole.

"Wait, Harry!" Hermione yelled after him, but he was already past the first bend. She stamped her foot at his impulsiveness, but also smiled at the fact he was thinking of her. She pulled her robes together with one fist, and held her nose with the other hand, and jumped in after Harry.

Harry caught her as she reached the bottom of the pipe, before she shot off the end into a mound of skeletons with a slowly burning wooden ball on top. He set her upright, and when she had her balance, took his wand out.

"Lumos." He said, and the place lit up brighter.

There were thousands of skeletons, all around them. They were already standing on them. It must have been hundreds of years' worth.

"Some kind of garbage pit, maybe?" Harry asked.

"A long time ago, maybe." Hermione answered, "Look, there isn't a scrap of skin or muscle left on anything, it's nothing but bones. It takes years and years for things to rot away that completely."

"Well I suppose nobody's been down here for a long time then, apart from whatever predator dumped these here." Harry said. "I'm a bit surprised how badly it doesn't stink."

"I would wager it used to." Hermione said as she looked around. "Only one way out."

Harry just offered her his hand, and she held it as he went slightly in front of her with his wand held up. They passed a huge cast-off skin from some enormous snake, and eventually found themselves in front of a large steel door with a snake motif on it.

"Want to bet it needs more magic snakey language?" Harry asked her with a grin.

"Sucker's bet." She smiled back. "No thanks."

Harry looked back to the door and just said "Open."

The snake on the door slithered around the circumference, and locks sprang open as it passed. When the last one unlocked, the door creaked and slid open a few centimetres. Hermione grasped the handle and pulled, and the door groaned as it opened. It was a very thick door, nearly a half-metre thick, but it did open.

As soon as they took a step into the dark, musty chamber, they heard Spiff again.

"Now, normally we wouldn't be able to open the Chamber of Secrets wivout following the regular script, but hey that's what exploits are all about, playing the game in a way that no-one fought of before, the way that profits us the most!" Spiff said, "Even vough we went with Susan's friendship route to get the magicops to sweep the building and prevent this event from even happening, the all-seeing devs at Harbour Opener, in their strapped-for-cash wisdom, have left this event as-is, wivout modifying anyfing for finding it despite not following the script."

As he spoke, the chamber they were in lit up as the torches in sconces spontaneously caught fire. Hermione grabbed Harry's arm as she saw a girl on the floor to their right, lying in the centre of a complicated circle drawn on the floor.

"Isn't that the twins's sister?" Harry asked, "The one who got arrested?"

Hermione shrugged. "Maybe? I don't think I ever spoke to her outside of Defense Club."

"Now, because those lovely devs have left this wonderfully wholesome, suitable-for-children event in the game, we get to stare directly into the eyes of the instantly-lethal basilisk, ladies and gentlemen. That's right, once we've completed the immortality exploit, we get to make a memory of looking straight into a gaze that should immediately kill us, and then use that memory in our Mental Defense slot."

As Spiff spoke, the somewhat translucent boy that stood over the unconscious girl started a gloating speech, directed at someone over their right shoulders, toward the entrance.

Hermione nearly crushed Harry's hand. "I don't know if I can do that, Harry." She worried.

"Relax, Hermione." Harry soothed, "Not even the killing curse affects us now. We'll be fine. Spiff wouldn't let us down." He rubbed her hand with his other one, and then gave her a quick hug.

The strange semi-ghost boy did some writing in the air and showed how 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' could be re-arranged to form 'I am Lord Voldemort'.

"I guess Tom Marvolo Riddle is his real name then?" Hermione noted.

"Yeah, and he was here at Hogwarts when he was an egotistical normal-looking prat, apparently." Harry agreed.

"Well, knowing who it is I'll agree, but please don't judge people before you know them." She chastised.

"You know I don't, Hermione. That one cost me my parents." He replied darkly.

"Oh Harry I'm sorry, I forgot." She wrapped him up in a hug just as the mouth of the huge relief-carving of a face on the far wall opened. She barely had time to let go of Harry and turn to face it as a massive snake, the size of a double-decker slithered through the mouth's opening and directly up to them.

They both concentrated on looking directly into the eyes of the gargantuan reptile, and Hermione had to admit the eyes were actually rather pretty. They were a soft gold colour, with little scintillating flecks in them.

"And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen!" Spiff said with glee, "Now we just collect the memory from our inventory, and slot it into our Mental Defense, wabam! Anyone trying to read our mind is in for a spicy surprise!"

"People can read minds? Seriously?" Harry boggled.

"We are so studying that later!" Hermione said, wide-eyed. "Even just to keep... oh well, I suppose we don't need to keep people out anymore, do we?"

"No we don't, thank you Spiff!" Harry shouted at the ceiling. "I guess we'll know when someone tries now too, they'll see the basilisk instead."

"We should still study it." Hermione grumped.

"We'll add it to the list then. You know I don't mind studying, especially not magic."

"True." Hermione admitted, and calmed somewhat.

"Unfortunately," Spiff continued, "Vere isn't actually a way out of the event until the basilisk is dead, so we have to play along wiv the script until we can get out of the Chamber again. Once we do, we can skip frough to the dementor exploit I have to show you, on the train back to Hogwarts for fird year."

Then Spiff was gone again.

As Harry and Hermione quickly found out, 'playing along wiv the script' meant that Fawkes scratched out the basilisk's eyes, and dropped the Sorting Hat. The Sorting Hat disgorged a shiny silver sword, which Harry then stuck into the basilisk's mouth. Four of the basilisk's teeth broke when they closed on Harry's arm, and Hermione shuddered with relief that their immortality still worked.

When the basilisk fell dead, Harry walked back to Hermione, and they both thought that should have been the end of it, but apparently the semi-ghost Voldemort started gloating again, saying they'd never figure out how to stop him and that poor Ginny Weasley's soul would belong to him. He would use her life to rule over Britain, blah blah blah.

While Harry stood listening to him, Hermione took one of the broken basilisk teeth from him, and stabbed the leather diary on the floor next to Ginny with it.

Young Tom Voldemort began to scream as the magic that stole firstie Weasley's life unravelled and exploded. The book gushed black ink and some mysterious black smoke that came out of it was sucked into Hermione's hand whilst it screamed. The book then lay there, inert.

As soon as Hermione stood up again, a door with an EXIT sign over it appeared in the wall to their left.

"It was the only thing that didn't fit." Hermione explained. "The magic had to come from somewhere, and it was the only object around."

Harry picked up two of the basilisk teeth, Hermione picked up the other one and the one stuck in the ex-book, and they walked toward the exit.

"You're brilliant." He said, looking directly into her eyes. She could see he meant it.

Hermione didn't think so, but she accepted the compliment with a small and persistent smile.

Chapter Text

Harry spent some of the last day before the train to London writing letters to friends in his trunk, even though he could just go up and talk to the person they were meant for. He did so because he knew he might not have time later, and didn't want anyone to think he'd forgotten about them.

When Hermione asked what he was doing, he told her, and when she asked him why, he told her that too. She fetched writing materials and sat next to him to do the same.

"Mum and Dad have booked two weeks in Majorca this year." She explained, "I will be trying to get my summer homework over and finished before we go, so it's a good idea." She held up the letter she was writing and smiled.

They wrote letters in comfortable silence for close to an hour before Luna showed up to say goodbye for the summer. Before Luna had even finished Padma also showed up, and she was closely followed by Neville, Susan, Hannah, Justin, Dean, and just about everyone else.

So naturally, it turned into an impromptu end of year party.

It turned out to be something of a mixed blessing the next day after they'd all boarded the train. After staying up late, the mood amongst friends on the train was subdued as they mostly went back to sleep, but that was fine since it prevented them from wanting to continue the party.

Harry was a bit surprised the headmaster didn't show up to express his disappointment and exhort Harry to remain with the Dursleys, but it was a pleasant surprise.

They arrived at King's Cross station after a restful sleep, and Harry was tickled to find Hermione lying half on top of him when he woke. The peaceful face she had, complete with drool at the corner of her mouth, was absolutely wonderful and belied the sheer force of her while she was awake. Seeing her like that for the first time gave him warmth in his chest, and woke something that wanted to keep her right there next to him. He wasn't sure what it was or what it meant or even how what his feelings wanted was even supposed to be possible. All he knew was that he felt it.

Sadly, she woke then, but it wasn't all bad. He smiled at her when she looked up at him, and he smiled back.

"Sleep alright?" He asked cheekily.

"The best." She replied with an even wider grin.

"Are you two going to kiss?" Dean asked with a heaping dose of snark. Neville snickered, but Padma swatted Dean.

"Ruin the moment why don't you!?" She chastised him, and gave him another swat.

Harry just looked back at them with a smile. "Well, if we're going to get married I suppose we should at some point." He looked back at Hermione, who grinned ear to ear, even though her cheeks were pink. "What do you think?" He asked.

She sat up off him and straightened her robes. "Entirely correct, of course." She stated, and stood to fetch her trunk down from the rack.

Susan, Hannah, Padma, and Hermione all walked off and huddled together whilst speaking in hushed tones. Dean, Neville, and Harry watched them for a bit, then shrugged at each other.

"Have a good summer, you two." Harry said.

"Yeah mate, you as well." Dean waved as he walked toward the muggle entrance.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Gran invites you over for a bit this summer." Neville said. "Thanks for everything Harry, don't be afraid to write." He grinned and shook Harry's hand.

"You either, Nev. Have fun."

Neville flashed a smile, and walked toward the floo.

Harry walked toward the girls and stopped just outside hearing distance. They all stopped whispering as one and turned to look at him.

"Don't mean to interrupt, I'm off. Have a wonderful summer, and I'll probably talk to you all soon." He smiled and waved, but Hermione strode toward him and wrapped him in a hug.

"Don't forget to call me every day." She whispered, and then pressed her lips to his neck quickly before letting him go and going back to the other girls as she smiled and waved.

Harry was a little stunned, but managed to smile and wave with his brain in neutral. The four girls walked toward the muggle entrance, and Harry turned back toward the train with his brain still spinning. He had no idea what he felt, but it was nice. She had actually kissed him!

He put his invisibility cloak on automatically, his whole brain focusing on the strange feelings that thundered through him. His heart didn't have any reason to hammer away at a thousand times normal speed either, but there it was. He stood still for a while after his cloak was on, just holding that spot on his neck.

After he'd calmed down, he used the floo to get to the Ministry, and made his way to the Magicking Examinations Authority. He saw that Reggie was at the desk out front when he passed by to use the loo to take his cloak off.

"Ah mister Potter, there you are." Reggie grinned when he returned. He already had the parchmentwork ready, with a quill waiting for him.

"Hi Reggie." Harry greeted him, "Thanks for this."

"Nonsense, Harry. The last lot of potions you brought in was pure joy! I even set up stations to collect the vials this time, to make it easier and faster."

"Really?" Harry raised his eyebrows. "That sounds interesting, how?"

"I actually got the idea from a vanishing cabinet, if you can believe it. I figured if they can instantly transfer anything from one spot to another, I should be able to rig something to transfer the potion vials."

"Is it a spell you made up?" Harry asked.

"Oh dear me no." Reggie chuckled. "I'm just going to use a switching spell in conjunction with a runic array I've prepared on the receiving racks. Just a small thing to designate each rack as separate."

"Oh. We haven't started runes yet. Is it hard?" Harry thought he should probably get a few books on runes, they sounded bloody useful.

"Truthfully, I was pants at it in school. Barely squeaked out an A on my O.W.L. However, it's useful enough that I've kept at it in order to be able to do little things like this. It's also dead handy to make all your teacups self-cleaning." Reggie winked at him, and leaned back whilst Harry filled out the parchment.

"Right, let's get to it then." Reggie said as he examined and then filed the parchment.

Harry put his trunk on the floor, and invited Reggie inside.

"Has it..." Reggie looked around with a frown, "Has it changed since last year?"

"Oh! Yeah, it has. More friends, more traffic, and consequently more batches of potions to re-grade."

"And you don't mind the additional expense?" Reggie asked, nearly flabbergasted.

Harry shook his head. "I've got pots of money, and using it to overrule professor Snape is about the best use I could imagine for it."

Reggie blew out a breath over a few seconds. "I'm sure your friends will appreciate it, in any case. Out of curiosity, what has this Snape character graded you?"

"Well this year I don't know yet, since the grades haven't been sent out yet, but last year I had a Dreadful in his class."

"He marked your Outstanding as a Dreadful?!" Reggie frowned. "That's not acceptable, not by half."

"That would be why I came in the first place." Harry shrugged.

"Yes, true." Reggie nodded. "If you don't mind, I'd like to use the results from last year and this year in a formal inquiry. This Snape person bears some investigating."

"You can do that?" Harry asked, incredulous.

"Oh yes." Reggie smiled. "The M.E.A. takes the future of our country very seriously - and you and your friends are that future."

"Not having to put up with Snape? Now that would be outstanding." Harry said, and held out a hand for Reggie to shake. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, Harry." Reggie smiled back.

That year it only took three minutes to catalogue all the potions and verify they were in the right places in Reggie's racks. Reggie wrote out Harry his receipt.

"Um, you wouldn't happen to know what to do with a... large... dead thing, would you?" Harry asked somewhat sheepishly, unsure exactly how to bring up a huge dead basilisk. He couldn't just leave it down there to rot, that would stink up the whole school!

Reggie handed him the receipt, and looked at him under raised brows with his head tilted forward. "Large dead thing?"

Harry sighed in frustration. "At school. There was a huge thing, and I was forced to kill it, but I can't just leave it there, it'll stink up the whole school. I need to have something done with it, but anyone else I could ask would make a huge fuss about it, and I just need some advice what to do with it."

"Okay." Reggie relaxed and cocked his head to the side. "How big are we talking? Erumpent? Dragon?"

"Umm..." Harry recalled the descriptions of both those from reading about them for fun and information. He had several books that covered most of the quintuple X creatures. "Like as big as an erumpent, but a bit longer than a dragon."

"A significant size. I see. Can you say what it was? Or is that a secret?" Reggie asked.

"Well, if you won't tell anyone..."

Reggie smiled a lopsided, quirky smile. "Unfortunately, I can't say whether or not I won't tell without knowing what it is. If it's something dangerous, then probably someone in the Auror division ought to know. You see?"

Harry sighed with frustration again, and decided that Reggie had proved reliable so far, so he decided to chance trusting him.

"It was a basilisk." He said.

"A... basilisk?" Reggie's brow seemed to pull backward. "As long as a dragon?"

Harry nodded. "It's dead now though."

Reggie blew out a long breath and seemed to lose all the tension in his body. "Well, if I were you," He said as he sat back up, "The first thing I would do is get the thing documented. Lots of pictures, measurements, et cetera. The second thing I would do is go to Diagon and talk to the goblins."

Harry frowned at that. "Goblins? Why would goblins care about a big dead basilisk?"

"Not many people know this," Reggie explained, "But from talking with Cuthbert over lunches and what have you, I've learned that in other countries the goblins also have their own hunting crews. Because they have hunting crews, they also have crews that follow along after the hunters have been successful and break down their kills for transport."

"And I could hire one of those crews!" Harry leaped to the conclusion.

"That was my thought." Reggie nodded. "There are others right here in the Ministry who also do that job, but I would very much recommend against hiring any of them."

"Okay, why?" Harry frowned.

"I have also heard some of those very people from Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures boasting over how much they've stolen for themselves from large carcasses they've been hired to render. First they'll overcharge you, and then steal from you on top of it. I'm not overly fond of goblins myself, but I will acknowledge that they're the only ones likely to operate with any professionalism or honour."

Well that decided that.

"Thanks, Reggie. That is exactly the information I was after." Harry grinned.

"My pleasure." He grinned back. "Don't forget your homework!"

"I can't, Hermione would kill me." He replied, and waved goodbye as Reggie chuckled to himself.

Ungrog was surprised to see him, and even more surprised to hear what Harry was after.

"You wish to hire a rendering team?" He repeated.

"Yes." Harry said. "If at all possible, I would also like the basilisk thoroughly documented with pictures and measurements and such before it's broken down as well."

"Hmph." Ungrog grunted. "That should prove no issue - for an extra fee, of course." He scribbled on a piece of parchment with a quill.

"That's fine." Harry smiled.

"And what would you like done with the beast once it's rendered?" Ungrog paused with his quill in the air to look at Harry.

Harry hadn't thought of that. All he'd wanted was to get it out of the school. "Could it be put in a new vault under stasis?" He asked, "I don't know what basilisk bits are used for, I'll have to find out."

"Basilisk brain, eyes, venom glands, venom, teeth, bile, bones, and skin are all terrifically rare and expensive items." Ungrog said.

"Thanks, that's where I'll start then." Harry said. He would have to find some books on basilisk parts. Maybe he could ask the nice lady at the apothecary if she knew what books to look for.

Ungrog spun the parchment around to face him. "Hiring of a rendering crew, plus full, detailed documentation, rental of vault 4712 to be put under stasis for an indefinite period." He said as he went over each item. "Stasis maintenance will cost a further twenty galleons per annum starting next year." There was a total cost at the bottom of the parchment.

Harry took the offered quill and signed his name. "That won't be an issue, it'll only be there until I can figure out how much of it if any I want to keep. Shouldn't take longer than the summer, I hope."

"Very well." Ungrog filed the parchment. "Is that everything?"

Harry nodded. "I think so, thanks."

"There's the door." Ungrog pointed with his chin.

The lady at the apothecary shop was both nice and knowledgeable, and gave him the names of several books that she had read to learn all about the properties of basilisk parts. Flourish and Blott's didn't have a single one of them, though they could order them, so that's what Harry did. Then he took a moment to cross 'Potions to Reggie', and 'Ask about thing' off his list of things to do, and wrote 'learn about value of thing' next to where he had struck through the previous entry regarding the thing.

Unfortunately, the next big thing on the list was 'do homework', so Harry caught a bus from King's Cross to Brighton, and this time he actually hired a room at the hotel he had stayed in before, instead of just hiding. Of course, he stayed in his trunk inside the wardrobe of the room rather than in the room, because it was more comfortable.

His homework - minus time for beach and sun - took almost a week to finish. Hermione finished hers a day earlier than he did, and verbally rubbed his nose in it just a little for teasing's sake. Harry didn't mind, he knew Hermione didn't mean it, and he enjoyed playing with her like that when they couldn't actually be together. Just before she hung up that day, she mentioned that she'd talked to her parents about Harry coming on vacation with them, but they had requested that Harry not come that year simply because it would likely be one of the last times that Hermione would reasonably want to vacation with her parents.

Harry was a little sad at that, but really he couldn't fault them. They loved her and missed her and didn't see her for ten months a year, whilst Harry saw her for those ten months.

"I can't blame them for that." He told her, "I really can't. You go and have a great time with your parents, make sure they take lots of pictures, and I'll talk to you when I can."

"But I want to spend time with you too, Harry." Hermione argued.

"And I you. We have all year to see each other though. If I had to go without you for ten months I'd lose the plot completely, so I understand their wanting you to themselves. If anyone else wanted to keep you to themselves I'd go absolutely Action Man all over them, but you know I'd never intrude into family."

Hermione laughed at that. "I can just see you dressed in army kit, sliding down a rope tied to a broom into someone's living room."

"Don't laugh, it could happen." Harry chuckled back. That made Hermione laugh harder, and eased the saying of goodbyes and hanging up. Harry had a swirly, sort of sad but sweet feeling in his chest then as he realized he wouldn't see his best friend over the summer, but summer wasn't forever. He would make time to see his other friends as well... and maybe look into some of those martial arts he'd seen before.

He went that afternoon to one of the places he'd seen people doing martial arts, and had a long conversation with one of the assistant instructors.

He checked out of the hotel the next morning, and asked Dobby to pop him to the international portkey office again. Dobby was only too happy to do so, and Harry purchased a portkey to the island of Ko Pha Ngan in Thailand, under the name Phat Duk.

Luckily, there were a few people in nearby shops who spoke English well enough that he could get directions to the boxing gym. The owner of the gym was angry with him at first, and told him to go away, but Harry caught the words 'for free' during his tirade, and offered him a thousand pounds sterling. Almost instantly, the owner - whose name was Deng - was all smiles and welcomed him to his own personal hell. He told Harry to put his case with the shoes, and get changed into suitable shorts. Harry wore the swimming shirt that the Grangers had bought him for the first hour, and then he was so hot and sweaty that he didn't care about people seeing his scars anymore, he was just desperate to cool off.

That night, as Harry adjusted the temperature of his trunk a bit lower, he told Hermione over the phone he'd had no idea you could have so much fun and learn so much while hurting so badly. Hermione laughed at him and said he was doing it to himself, but he already knew that.

He found a book on translation magic after his talk with Hermione, and fell asleep with it open on his chest a few minutes later.

He did learn the charm the next morning at breakfast, and then went on a twenty kilometre run with the rest of the gym while they all made fun of him for being so soft and white. 'Undercooked' they called him. Even Harry had to giggle a little at that. He was also relieved to have a funny nickname instead of being called 'scars' or something.

His order from Flourish and Blotts arrived in his post box, so after he'd learned the translation spell and practiced it on himself daily, he shifted his evening and night reading to the basilisk books. He learned all kinds of interesting things about them, like their skin was even more spell resistant than dragon skin, and their meat was a delicacy to goblins, even though it would be lethal to anyone else.

After three weeks of constant running, punching, kicking, kneeing and elbowing, Harry adjusted somewhat to the increased exercise level, and didn't immediately fall into bed when the day was done. That was when he discovered the beautiful beach, as he joined the rest of the 'regulars' after the day's activity.

He sat on the beach soaking up the sun - he applied the sun screen charm several times a day - and watched his training partners doing cartwheels and splashing in the water. As he watched, a long, black and pale blue-banded snake slithered out of the ocean and into the shade of a tree next to him.

"Hello." Harry said politely.

"Gaaahhh!" The snake jerked backward, away from him. After a minute, the snake shook its head and settled into a coil. "Hearing things. Going crazy waiting to lay eggs." It muttered to itself.

"You're not crazy." Harry reassured it - her, since it was waiting to lay eggs. "I only learned a little while ago that I know snake language, so I thought I'd try it out."

"Huh." The snake hissed, and rose up to lean closer to Harry and flicked her tongue out several times, tasting him. "You're actually talking, this isn't some kind of water ripple. What are you smooth-things called and how can you be talking to me?"

"You smooth... oh. We're called humans." He gestured to all the rest of the people on the beach. "Collectively, I mean. All of us as a species, we're humans. My name specifically is Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter the Human, I suppose."

"Interesting." She flicked her tongue out a few more times.

"I didn't know I could speak snake until just a month or so ago. I guess it's a magic thing - magic is something only a few humans have. Even among humans with magic talking to snakes is pretty rare, so I might be the only one you meet who can."

"Well then I am pleased to speak with you, Harry Potter the Human. I can tell you this is not something I thought would ever happen."

"Pleased to meet you too." Harry said. "It looks like everyone is leaving, so I'll go too. Best of luck with your eggs."

"Will you be back here?" She asked as he stood up.

"Yes, I'll come back here tomorrow." Harry thought if the snake wanted to speak to him again, he might make another friend.

"Good. The others will not believe this, so I will bring them tomorrow." The snake lowered back onto her coil then, and Harry left with the group, chuckling quietly to himself. Harry Potter, the Show and Tell for snakes.

Harry brought his camera with him the next day, and it wasn't long after he sat on the beach that a veritable carpet of sea snakes slithered toward him. Naturally he took pictures of them all approaching, and they all stopped in front of him. Unfortunately they all looked just about the same, so he couldn't see if the snake he spoke to yesterday was even there.

"Hello everyone." He said with a smile.

Most of the rest of Harry's training partners stopped what they were doing and watched the snakes surround him, then stood there in a ring and watched while he conversed with the snakes.

Deng took his camera and shot snap after snap of the scene. After he explained to the snakes that the camera preserved their image, they started to crawl all over him and one rested on top of his head like a coiled crown. They thought it was great fun, and weren't likely to experience it again in their lives.

After that, most of the people in the gym started to call him Sofa Ngu Suk - undercooked snake sofa. They had no idea Harry was talking to the snakes, they just thought the snakes all wanted the spot he was in and just assumed he was part of it.

Everyone had a good laugh, including the snakes as Harry translated for them. Harry thanked Deng for taking pictures because nobody would believe him back home.

He told Hermione about it when he called, and she was a bit jealous. She'd had a disappointing vacation, apart from spending time with her mum and dad.

"It's like every boy is convinced he's the most charming thing on earth, and won't listen when I tell them no thank you." She said, "I've had to discreetly body bind several of them and walk off just so they get the hint."

"That's... I..." Harry struggled to put his feelings into words. "I never really wanted to beat anyone up until just then." He said. "I know you can take care of yourself, and you're not in any danger, but for some reason the thought of other boys pressuring you makes me so angry. I'm sorry your enjoyment is being ruined by it as well."

"Aww Harryyy." Hermione practically cooed, and it mollified his anger somewhat. "You are the best. You're right I don't need anyone to fight for me, but that doesn't mean that you being angry for me doesn't make me feel better. You... you aren't flirting with any of the girls there, are you?" Harry could practically hear Hermione's worry over the phone.

Harry frowned at that. Flirting? What was flirting? He would have to look that up later. "I don't even know what that means yet, so even if girls were flirting with me I wouldn't know about it." He said. "If it has to do with hugs and kisses and things, then no. In addition to having no time or energy, I have no desire for hugs or kisses from anyone but you. You made my brain explode and not work for a good five minutes when you said goodbye."

"Oh good." He could hear her deflate as the worry drained out of her. "That's good, I want to make your brain explode more. I don't want kisses from anyone but you either, Harry." There was a brief pause, and then "Oh NO." She whispered. "I think my mum heard that! Oh bother! Now she's giving me the hang up motion, I have to go. Talk to you tomorrow!"

"Alright, talk to you tomorrow." He said, and she hung up.

She told him the next day that her mother had given her a LONG talk about kissing and boys and contraception, which she admitted with no small amount of mortification. Harry tried to be commiserative, but he had to write down contraception in order to look up what it was later. He couldn't exactly do that while in a place where he didn't know the language. Translation charms only went so far.

At the end of his six weeks, Harry said goodbye to everyone at the gym, and thanked Deng for his instruction and knowledge. He left the gym with a wave, and walked into the jungle where he had a nice chat with a green tree viper until his portkey activated.

The first thing he did upon leaving the alley next to the Ministry was to locate a public library, where he investigated contraception.

He had never been more embarrassed or excited in his entire life, and the sheer volume of knowledge he absorbed in that excited state was phenomenal.

Why had nobody ever told him about any of this?!

Oh, right. Dursleys.

Come to think of it, the only person he might have trusted to tell him about it was Spiff, and that just wasn't possible, unless it was on the cards for later. He hoped not, he had a feeling that might be exceedingly strange.

As a result of his newfound knowledge, Harry used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the adults-only section of Exciting Books, where he got every teenager's nudie magazine education in the realities of naked humans. He snuck out again an hour later, rather stunned and with a name - several names, actually - for touching himself.

He'd known it for a long time already, but adults were weird.

The next day he went to a proper book shop - one that didn't have a basement adults-only section, and purchased several books on the actual physical realities of sex. Not just the whys and wherefores, but the how and what happens, both in puberty and childbirth. Those were both a shockingly hideous read, full of Harry pulling disgusted faces and needing to do something else for a while. He had been super excited to try the sex thing out, urged onward by his burgeoning hormones - and was firmly stopped in his tracks by information about Sexually Transmitted Infections.

The absolute horrorshow of the STI section saw him put the book on his shelf and shelve the whole sex thing at the same time. Maybe later he'd think the activity was worth the risk, but right then? No bloody chance.

He visited with Neville and his Gran one afternoon, they had tea and Harry showed Neville's Gran around the trunk since she wanted to see where Neville studied. While they were there, Harry got mail from Reggie. Knowing what it was, Harry opened it immediately, and showed Neville and then his Gran. She was very proud of him for doing so well in a subject that wasn't herbology.

"Defense too." Harry said. "Neville's among the top of our defense group."

"Defense group?" His Gran asked.

"We started it at the beginning of first year, since professor Quirrell was so hard to understand, and kept it going last year because Lockhart didn't actually teach anything. Knowing his favourite colour isn't going to protect you from a hungry Hag." Harry answered. "Even if we get a decent teacher this year, our system of digging deeper into the subject and teaching the rest would be good for grades and extra credit, so I can't see us not having Defense Club."

"Neville, you didn't tell me any of this!" His Gran complained. "I was upset at your low Defense grades!"

"Since the professor was Lockhart, I would imagine the people who got the best grades for the year are the people who know the least about the actual subject, and vice-versa." Neville replied. "It seemed like he was only there to make money and smile at girls."

"Hmph." Neville's Gran glowered. "What's this note at the bottom Harry? 'Investigation under way'?"

"Reggie said he was going to talk with Madams Marchebanks and Bones about professor Snape because he graded me Dreadful when my real mark was Outstanding." Harry answered.

"Reggie?" She prompted.

"From the re-grading department. The Magicking Education Authority." Harry said.

"Reginald Thomas Wiggins the fourth?" She asked.

Harry shrugged. "He said his name was Reginald Wiggins, and said I should just call him Reggie."

"Good. He means business, that boy. What did Snape grade you last year, Neville?"

"Troll." Neville replied with a grimace.

"But Reginald graded you Outstanding!" Neville's Gran actually growled, and tapped the proof of his mark in her hand. "Excuse me boys, I have some calls to make. Entertain yourselves, and welcome to Longbottom Manor, Harry. We're both delighted to have you here."

She handed the parchment from Reggie to Neville, and stomped out of the trunk then.

Neville looked at Harry with a smile. "I think professor Snape is in for a bad year." He said.

Chapter Text

Harry's first clue that something had definitely changed was Lavender Brown.

She had begun to develop part way through last year, and the mounds on her chest had been all Ron Weasley and Seamus Finnegan talked about. Sometimes loudly. Harry hadn't understood it then, and had just chalked it up to boorish behaviour. After his recent education however, he had to admit breasts were pretty fantastic, just in general.

However, it didn't even matter that Lavender had also had a growth spurt during the summer, and most of it had landed on her chest. As soon as Harry laid eyes on her they suddenly stopped being breasts and became part of Lavender, and ceased to be exciting.

Harry didn't know Lavender very well, they'd never talked, and Lavender and Parvati had both made fun of Hermione before, so he wasn't inclined to talk to them now. Not even when they barged into his train compartment, did a double-take, and then sat on either side of him.

"Hi Harry." Lavender said in a low, husky voice. "Have you gotten taller? I like your new look. You look... fit."

"Your eyes are brighter without the glasses." Parvati added.

"I got my eyes fixed end of first year. I didn't wear them all last year either." He replied.

Lavender had started poking his shoulder, and then ran her fingers down his arm whilst Parvati put her hand on the left half of his chest and flexed her fingers against him.

"I like your tan too." Parvati purred.

"We definitely need to hang out this year." Lavender said, very close to his ear.

That was when he stood up and moved to the door. "Excuse me!" He said, and ran to the boy's loo, jumped inside, and locked the door.

He didn't know how much later it was when there was a knock at the door. "Harry?"

It was Neville.

He unlocked the door and opened it, and Neville stood there with an amused look on his face. "You alright, mate?"

Harry relaxed then. "Depends on if Lavender and Parvati are still in my cabin. They just started acting weird and touching me, so I bolted." He shuddered involuntarily.

"Want me to grab your trunk for you if they are?" Neville offered.

"Please. Where are you sat?" Harry sagged with relief.

Neville led him up the corridor and pointed to his cabin while he went ahead. Inside the compartment, Susan and Hannah and Padma were already there, so he closed the door behind him and took a seat.

"Hello again ladies." He smiled as he relaxed, "Have a good summer?"

They all just sort of stared at him for a long moment, until Hannah finally broke the silence.

"What have you been doing?" She asked.

"I spent most of the summer in Thailand, running about and being active and things. You?" Harry smiled again.

Neville arrived then, and chucked Harry's trunk onto the luggage rack. "No idea what was up with them, they seemed mostly normal." He said. He sat down next to Hannah, and Hermione was in the doorway right behind him.

Harry flashed a her a big smile and stood up to wrap her in a hug. "Missed you." He said.

Hermione seemed stunned to see him, and he noted that he actually looked straight into her eyes. He had grown over the summer. Quite a bit, too.

He went and sat back down so Hermione could stow her trunk, but she just sort of stood there for a minute, looking at him. Finally, she seemed to snap herself out of whatever her brain was running with, and lifted her trunk onto the shelf. Harry imagined that's what he'd looked like after she kissed him at the beginning of summer. It was like the broom was flying but nobody was on it.

That was exactly how he'd felt.

She sat next to him and smiled at him, but for some reason she also seemed nervous, and her breathing was deep and fast to match the pink in her cheeks and neck and ears.

He put the inside of his wrist against her forehead, and she was slightly warmer than normal, but he wasn't sure if he would call it a fever.

"Are you feeling alright?" He whispered to her, "I can go down my trunk and make you a pepper-up if you have a cold, it'll only take ten minutes."

Hermione shook her head and gave him a warm smile "It's not a cold." She whispered, "I'm fine, thank you for offering."

The train started to move then, and everyone just relaxed. Susan and Hannah and Padma seemed to drop the weird nervousness that had appeared when he arrived, but he still noticed them looking at him occasionally - although that might have had something to do with Hermione sitting much closer than she ever had before. Her hand kept drifting to his thigh as well, just a light touch now and again, but it was definitely new.

Harry got his trunk down and fetched some of the photos he'd taken of all the snakes, including some of the ones Deng had taken with the snake on his head. The group had a good chuckle over them, and that went even further to restoring the easy, friendly atmosphere that Harry remembered from before summer.

Some of the others from Defense Club showed up to chat occasionally, in addition to the nice lady with the trolley of sweets. Before they knew it, the trip approached its end. They all recognized the viaduct bridge that was near the end of the ride.

However, before they even had a chance to change into their Hogwarts uniforms, Harry and Hermione heard Spiff again.

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! We're playing the new Harbour Opener game Magicking World, and we're back wiv anovver spicy little exploit that can transform our immortal little orphan sausage into the bogeyman that even Harbour Opener developers warn their children about.

"In order to pull this one off, we need to progress frough the game to the start of fird year. In the beginning cutscene, you'll see the train stopped by grisly, floating ghoul wraify fings that can actually suck out your soul. That's right, it's Inland Revenue, ladies and gentlemen. However, however, never fear, don't panic, just take a sip of your nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea, salute your picture of the queen, and follow vese simple instructions.

"Because we've already accomplished the immortality exploit, the Dementors can't actually DO anyfing to us, so we're going to turn the tables and capture one of the dismal, soul sucking monstrosities. All we need for this is one of the charms we learned in second year, the sieze and pull charm. We just cast it onto the first Dementor we see, -"

The Spiffing voice stopped then, and Harry and Hermione looked at each other.

"Dementor?" Hermione soundlessly mouthed the word at him.

Harry shrugged back slowly. He'd never heard the word before, not even from reading ahead for Defense Club.

Before they could do anything else, however, the train started to slow down quickly - almost quickly enough to throw them from the seat. It came to a full stop after a minute, and everyone else started to look around for the cause of the stoppage. They were close to Hogsmeade, but still at least fifteen minutes shy of their stop.

There were several short screams that sounded from elsewhere on the train, and Neville, Susan, Hannah, and Padma all started to shiver and huddle together for warmth. After another moment, their breaths became visible inside the cabin.

"Do you want to go first?" Harry whispered to Hermione.

She shook her head, and inched closer to him, practically in his lap.

The door to their cabin began to open slowly then, and a long, skeletal hand wrapped bony fingers around the edge of the door.

Harry's pulse rate skyrocketed as he freaked out, but thankfully he didn't hesitate.

"Carpe retractum!" He shouted. The usual orange-toffy-looking cord shot out of the end of his wand, and wrapped around the bony wrist as the door opened enough for them to see the floating, rotted rags that made up the bulk of the horror in the hallway.

"-Like so," The Spiffing voice continued, "And then we just slot that bad boy into our secondary shield slot, next to our little voldienugget. Wabam! Now not only do hostile spells not affect our abused little walking god, but we now absorb the magic used against us to restore our own magic power!" Spiff chuckled. "So much fun. Fank you for your generous magical donation, you poor unsuspecting and suddenly ineffectual enemies! I love it. Perfectly Balanced, ladies and gentlemen, No Exploits At All.

"AND!" Spiff half-shouted right after, "And! Not only can we grab and slot a dementor into the shield slot, we can actually slip one into our wand mod slot as well!

"'But Spiff,' I hear you ask, 'what good would that do?' Well ladies and gentlemen, when you have a Dementor in your wand mod slot, you can affect ovver Dementors normally, instead of your spells being absorbed by them, as well as actually draining the permanent magic stat from ovver witches and wizards! Sadly we don't get to add that to our own total, but have no fear, the infinite magic power exploit is still to come!

"Now we'll just go find anovver grimdark floaty little deaf machine, so we have one for our wand as well."

When Spiff stopped talking, Harry became aware that everyone else in the cabin - except Hermione - was staring at him like he'd just eaten the Eiffel Tower.

"Come on, let's go hunting." He whispered, and levered himself off the seat. He could hear Hermione following him, so he went out into the hallway.

There was another Dementor five cabins down, so Harry took a step behind Hermione. She looked into his eyes, and he could see she was scared - just as scared as he was.

"You'll be fine, Hermione. You're immortal, they can't affect us. Just cast the Seize and Pull charm, and Spiff will take care of the rest. I'm right here with you." He put a hand on her shoulder so she could feel him there, and it seemed to calm her down some.

She nodded at him, and took a deep breath. "Carpe Retractum !" She incanted, and as always her spell casting was near perfect. The Dementor was wrapped up by her spell, and flew down the hall at them, and then seemed to sink directly into Hermione and disappear completely.

Okay, so maybe the others were actually right in being freaked out. It was bloody frightening.

"There we have it!" Spiff yelled, and then laughed. "Oh Harbour Opener! Oh the fun we're going to have! Oh beans. Now just two for our little immortal duo's wands."

Hermione turned and smiled at him, relief all over her face. "Two more." She said.

They found the next one stooped over an unconscious Draco Malfoy, so Hermione cast the Seize and Pull charm, and it sank into her again.

Spiff giggled when it did.

The last one they found at the end of the train, stalking the nice Trolley Lady. Harry cast the charm, and pulled that one into his wand.

"And there we have it ladies and gentlemen, a brand new playground of ultimate power and control for our poor abused little orphan sausage and his lady love. Wiv any luck we'll get a chance to play wiv our new powers before long. Now, our last exploit for vis video is going to happen at the end of the year - " Spiff's voice was gone then.

"Moved on to end of year I guess." Hermione said with a little disappointment.

"Yup. How do you feel?" Harry asked.

"Weird." Hermione replied, "Scared out of my mind, but victorious at the same time."

"Hah!" Harry chuckled. "Me too." He put his arm around Hermione's shoulder, and she smiled at him before she put her arm around his ribs and lay her head on his shoulder.

"Missed you too." She said.

The train started moving forward again then, and they made their way back to their cabin.

"So... what was that?" Neville asked pointedly as they settled back into their seats.

"Uhh..." Harry thought fast, "Must be the protection my parents left on me." He trusted Neville and the girls, but he wasn't about to say he'd been hearing voices that have made him immortal and wealthy. They'd think he was lying even though it was the truth. Ironically, by lying to them he kept their trust.

As it was they still eyed him askance, but since he had 'defeated' Voldemort as a baby it was at least plausible.

The train pulled in to Hogsmeade a couple of minutes after they had all finished changing. Neville and Harry stood in the hall whilst the girls changed, and vice versa.

During announcements, the headmaster let the students know that the Ministry had placed Dementors around the school for their protection from Sirius Black, the Azkaban escapee and notorious murderer.

Harry and Hermione both questioned exactly why an escaped murderer would be headed toward a school, but if that was the case, then that was the case. It wasn't like they went outside the school bounds, regardless.

The next morning, the Daily Prophet's front page was the big news of the escape of Sirius Black. It had a big moving picture of the man as he shouted at someone off-camera, and Harry couldn't help but feel that he looked somehow familiar.

During breakfast as she read her copy of the paper, Hermione suddenly clamped her hand on his forearm, and showed him an article on page 28.

Wanted: Gilderoy Lockhart

By Latrinia Merda

The Department of Magical Law Enforcement is offering a 20 galleon reward for any information leading to the arrest and incarceration of Gilderoy Lockhart, best-selling author and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile.

Details on the reason for Mr. Lockhart's now wanted status are scarce, but this reporter has learned from St. Mungo's staff that not one but two Hogwarts students under sixteen years of age have been treated for obliviation following the discovery that they were pregnant despite never having had relations with anyone.

With the obliviations reversed, both students immediately named Gilderoy Lockhart as the father. With the proof of Mister Lockhart's activity becoming increasingly obvious, the DMLE has no choice but to issue the order for his arrest. Illegal obliviations as well as underage relations are the obvious charges, but this reporter will continue to monitor the situation, and report on the final list of Lockhart's crimes.

For more on Gilderoy Lockhart, see page 8 .

For more on obliviation laws, see page 21 .

"You weren't far off with your charm charm idea, apparently." Hermione said. Her nose wrinkled and she looked slightly green as she digested the article and reflected on her own attraction to Lockhart.

"In this case I would love to be completely wrong." Harry answered, feeling a mite queasy himself.

"Uch." Hermione made a gross sound in the back of her throat and put the paper down. "In his case removing all his magic would be a public service."

They left breakfast and went to Harry's trunk to get a head start on potions, and found Luna in Harry's new exercise room.

"Yay!" Luna said when she saw them, and immediately hugged Hermione and then Harry. "What is all this stuff?" She asked with a gesture at the room.

"Harry, you didn't tell me you made an exercise room!" Hermione complained.

Harry shrugged. "I didn't know you were interested in it. I wasn't before summer." Then he turned to Luna, and pointed at the treadmill. "This is a running machine, it lets you run however fast you want without actually going anywhere."

Hermione climbed onto the treadmill and demonstrated.

"What use is that?" Luna cocked her head.

"It lets me get in a few kilometres of running every morning, right next to the shower. No cold, no mud."

"Oh." Luna smiled. "Yes, that would be nice."

"These are heavy bags." Harry continued, and pointed them out. "They're for punching and kicking practice. That one is filled with cloth, that one with sand, and that one with small steel balls. I'm only up to the sand one so far, Deng said I shouldn't try the steel one for another year yet."

"Why not?" Hermione asked.

"To let my bones get thicker and stronger and less easily damaged." Harry replied. "The bags on the floor are for lifting and throwing and hitting, and the swingarms are for dodging.

"Interesting." Luna smiled. "I'll have to watch sometime and see how it's done. I like your new hard body and wide shoulders, it makes my nethers tingle."

"Luna!" Hermione admonished.

Harry felt heat creep up his neck and cheeks.

"What?" Luna turned to Hermione. "It does the same to you and most of the girls."

Hermione took Luna by the arm and guided her down the hall into Luna's room, so Harry quietly went to the potions room and tried to concentrate on the most likely potion recipe for that day while his brain instead supplied him with images of Exciting Books' most exciting examples of female anatomy.

He was almost thankful when Potions class was the usual potions class and supplied his brain with frustration and concentration instead of hormones.

Besides the near-daily reminders of Dementors and a deranged escaped murderer, things went mostly back to normal. They studied constantly, practiced potions, prepared for Defense Club, and slept and ate. There was an occasional awkward moment whenever he was in the same room with Lavender and Parvati, but for the most part school returned to being school.

Harry enjoyed his daily exercise, and despite the fact that he could only manage a couple of hours for it early in the morning, he felt that it at least kept him in decent trim. It wasn't the eight-hour thrashing he was used to, but he tried to keep things fun and interesting.

During their very first Defense class of the year, the entire class breathed a sigh of relief due to the new professor appearing remarkably competent. Professor Lupin began the year with a revision of what they'd done before, and it was instantly obvious which students were not a part of Defense Club.

"Wait, wait." The professor said as he investigated why some students reported that they acted out scenes from a book whilst others were practiced and knowledgeable about subjects above their year. "You mean to tell me that you decided your professor was useless and taught yourselves?"

"It actually started first year, because Quirrell was so hard to understand." Harry explained. "It was Hermione, Neville, Susan, Hannah, and me to begin with, and lots more people joined. Last year everyone hated Lockhart, so we expanded to make an additional night for the first-years."

"We'll probably have to make another night for the first-years again." Hermione whispered.

"I see." Professor Lupin smiled. "Well, that's a weight off my mind then. I trust you lot in Defense Club won't mind if I concentrate on the unfortunate souls forced to deal with last year's professor?"

Harry shrugged, and most of everyone else confirmed they wouldn't mind.

The upshot was that Defense Club cruised on as normal, while the people who didn't want to join were forced to learn everything they should have learned during the last year on their own time. Professor Lupin was good about helping them at any time, but had to teach third year material during classes. Everyone in Defense Club took the new material in stride, and in most cases had already covered it unless they hadn't been able to attend that meeting.

Lavender and Parvati both complained about having to catch up on the material that Lockhart neglected to teach, and Harry only knew about it because Hermione was in the dorm with both of them. Harry was naturally the one that Hermione complained to about them complaining. He didn't mind though, he was happy to help Hermione feel better just by listening.

Hermione's birthday was a happy event, and included more people than it had the previous year. Harry had to make three cakes just so everyone could have some. It wasn't until a few days after her birthday, as she idly played with the heart-shaped locket Harry had got her to go with her book-shaped one that she remembered she'd forgotten his birthday.

"Hermione relax, it's fine. We were both busy then. I forgot about it myself." Harry tried to calm her down.

"Noo, I'm a horrible friend!" She protested, "You organize a party for me and get me the sweetest gift and even bake multiple cakes, and I'm just blithely mucking about! I'm so sorry, Harry!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, and lay her head on his shoulder whilst she cried.

Harry wrapped his arms around her and patted her back to let her know everything was alright. "With any luck we'll be together forever, Hermione. I'm bound to forget yours at some point."

"Oh Harry." She hugged him tighter, "How could you even want to stay friends with me, I'm just horrid! My big stupid bushy hair and my stupid sticky-out beaver teeth, and now I'm horrid on the inside forgetting your birthday like it just wasn't important!"

Harry took a deep breath and kissed her cheek.

Hermione let go and put her hand to where he'd kissed her, a shocked expression on her face.

"Your friendship is the most important thing in the world to me." He said, "I rely on it, I look forward to seeing you every day. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't. I like your hair, Hermione. I like your smile. I like your teeth and your eyes and the cute way you wrinkle your nose when you're disgusted. As for your insides, the very idea that you're somehow horrid is laughable. You're brilliant and thoughtful and lovely and I won't let anyone say otherwise, not even you."

For some reason, his speech had the opposite of its intended effect.

Hermione hugged him tighter and buried her face in his neck and cried even harder.

Thankfully, as he was getting desperate to do or say something to help her feel better, she pulled away and kissed his cheek. She dried her eyes and blew her nose, and then hugged him again.

"Thank you Harry." She said softly. "Not just for saying all that, but for meaning it."

Harry just about fell over he was so relieved.

"Oh I don't mean it, I was just blowing sunshine up your nose." He gave her a quirked, sarcastic grin.

She stopped and looked at him with a shocked expression, until she saw his face and the fact he was just joking.

"Prat." She said with a grin.

Harry just chuckled and hugged her again.

As usual, strange things happened on Hallowe'en. Harry wasn't able to go to Hogsmeade with Neville and Hermione and everyone else, so he spent the entire day in his trunk, alternating between studying, brewing potions, and exercising full tilt the way he'd done in Thailand. Everyone returned in time for dinner, and after dinner as they returned to the dorm, they found the portrait door had been slashed with a knife.

That was strange enough by itself, but the Abundant Lady who inhabited the portrait told them in a terrified voice that it had been Sirius Black! Inside the castle!

Harry and Hermione shared a suspicious look, and since the door to their dorm couldn't be opened, decided to retreat to Harry's trunk.

"Another case of the headmaster letting someone or something in that he shouldn't?" Hermione asked in a low tone as they walked the halls toward the trunk room.

"After the first three or four times, I just sort of expect it now. I'm just happy we have our Spiffing gifts, otherwise I'd be ridiculously worried." Harry answered.

"I have to keep reminding myself I can't be hurt, apart from emotionally." Hermione admitted.

As they entered the room with the trunk in it, Harry was grabbed by an arm from behind the door, which slammed shut and made Hermione squeak. Her wand flicked into her hand instantly, and was pointed at the scruffy, wild-looking man holding Harry about the neck with a knife pointed at him.

"Don't do anything stupid if you don't want the boy to sprout another opening." The man growled.

Harry told Hermione to go ahead, he knew he wouldn't be hurt. Then he raised his hand and gripped the blade of the knife.

At the same time, Hermione shot two spells with dartlike accuracy. " Petricifcus Totalis! Glacius! "

The man behind Harry let go of him as his arms snapped to his sides, and he might have fallen over if not for the large block of ice encasing his ankles. The knife, left in Harry's hand, looked like it had been found in an abandoned shack somewhere. The handle was some kind of horn, and the blade very rusty, apart from the edge which had been recently sharpened.

"I'll go get a professor." Hermione said.

"Hang on," Harry countered, "If we do that, then who knows what will happen. If the headmaster let him in, then he'll just be off galavanting about again. If he didn't let him in, then this guy knows some secret passage that should probably be blocked off. Either way we should ask him some questions before we turn him over. We're probably the only ones who could."

Hermione thought it over, and then nodded. "That's fair. Finite Glacius ."

The ice block disappeared from the man's feet, and he started to pitch forward, so Harry caught him on his back.

" Mobilicorpus ." Hermione then levitated him, whilst Harry opened the trunk.

Once they were all three out of sight, Harry closed and locked the trunk lid.

" Incarcerus ." Hermione caused ropes to wrap the whole of the scraggly man and the chair he sat on, except for his neck and head. " Finite Petrificus Totalis ."

"Fine spellwork." The man grinned.

"Sirius Black I presume." Hermione said in return, ignoring the flattery.

"I certainly hope so, I'm wearing his pants." Was the reply. "I should also hate to think there's more than one escaped madman about. What's your name, hitwitch?"

"You don't need to know." Harry answered, "We'll do the question asking if you don't mind."

The man grinned and finally looked up at Harry. "No need to ask who you are." He said.

"Yes, yes, stupid lightning bolt scar and all." Harry said, annoyed once again by his 'fame'.

However, the man shook his head. "Spitting image of your father, you are - except for your mother's eyes. My best friends, my family. No, I changed your nappies, lad. Of course I know who you are."

That was a shock.

"What? How in the bloody hell have you changed my nappies?!" Harry began to get properly agitated then, torn between confusion, anger, and the desperate longing for someone who had actually cared for him.

"Gently, gently there son, I'm old and bruise easily." He giggled to himself.

"We'll find out if you don't start explaining!" Harry paced back and forth next to him, fists clenched.

Hermione had never seen Harry properly angry. It was a little frightening.

"I'm your godfather, Harry." Sirius said. "Your parents were my best friends, the only genuine family I ever knew. I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so sorry." He dropped the joking pretense, and tears began to flow from his eyes. "I try not to think about them, you see. In Azkaban that's when the Dementors get you. When you feel."

"Are you here to hurt Harry?" Hermione asked.

Sirius erupted in laughter and sobbing. "I'd never hurt Harry! I'd never betray your father or your mother or you! No matter what they say! It was the rat! The bloody snakesucking little Death Eater Tosspot Rat!"

Harry and Hermione looked at each other after that, neither having a clue what Black was saying.

"Why are you here then?" Harry asked.

"THE RAT IS HERE!" Sirius growled, and struggled against his bonds. "Years I've dreamed of skinning him slowly for what he did! For vengeance! For James! For Lily!"

"My family..." Black dissolved into sobs then, tears flowing freely down and off his cheeks. "My beautiful family..."

Harry looked at Hermione again, at an absolute loss for what to do. She looked back at him, and he could tell her heart was breaking for Black.

Harry nodded toward the kitchen, and then walked there. Hermione joined him a moment later.

"I can set the permissions so that he can't get out of here." He whispered.

"Good." She whispered back, "Do that. We can go get this 'rat' and find out if he's telling the truth - though honestly I don't think he's lying. He's torn and raw inside, you can see it."

Harry nodded back. He didn't think the man was lying either - but honestly he didn't really know enough to know for sure. He went to the options panel and reset everything to only let him and Hermione in and out at will.

"Who is the rat?" Hermione asked as she sat down next to Black and dabbed his face and eyes with a dry cloth.

"Thank you." Black smiled sadly at Hermione. "You're kind." He took a deep breath and seemed to steady himself. "The rat is Peter Pettigrew. A rat animagus. We all were, you see. Me, James, Remus, and the rat. We became animagi to help Remus during his transformations. He was a werewolf, still is, I imagine. Only one ever admitted to Hogwarts. We were all proud of that."

"My father was an animagus?" Harry asked quietly, and sat down next to Black.

"A stag." Black nodded. "We ran about the forest on full moons so Moony wouldn't be alone. His monthlies were always worse on him when he was alone."

"What year were you in when you decided to take the dark mark?" Harry asked. He'd seen the papers, he knew Black was a devout follower of Voldemort.

Black looked him in the face for a long moment, then sighed and started crying again.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. You should know all this already, and it's my fault you don't. I should have taken you away, I'm sorry." He took a deep breath and settled himself. "Let me start at the beginning, give you everything you should already know." He took another deep breath, bracing himself. "I met your father - "

"Hold on, wait!" Hermione interrupted, and ran up the stairs and out of his trunk. She returned a few minutes later with her schoolbag, and took parchment and a dicta-quill out. "I thought we should probably get it all down for later."

"Brighter than you look." Black smiled at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Harry stood and pulled his wand out as anger flashed though him.

"No offence meant." Black said quickly, "Just... to me, you both look like - "

"If the word mudblood comes out of your gob -" Harry ground his teeth together and raised his wand.

"Harry, relax please. You know I don't care about pathetic pureblood insults." Hermione looked at him as though unsure if she was going to hug him or hex him for getting in the way.

"Like kids, I was going to say." Black seemed almost proud while he looked between the two of them.

Harry snapped his wand back into its holster and he sat back down. "That's fair, I suppose. We are kids still, despite everything."

Hermione set the quill against the parchment. "Record. Test test test." She said, and saw that it was working correctly, and then gestured to Black to continue.

"I met - " He took a deep breath and then relaxed as he centered himself as well as he could. "I met your father on the train to Hogwarts, first year. I knew about his existence before that of course, we were second or third cousins after all. I'd never met him before thanks to my loving parents - " Black spat the term with utmost sarcasm, " - refusing to have anything to do with the Potters. They weren't part of their Pureblood snob clique and refused to look down on someone based on their ancestry. You have no idea what a breath of fresh air that was after being beaten and smothered with pureblood bullsh - nonsense for eleven years.

"I was on the train minding my own business, trying to think of ways to survive and stay away from others who I knew would be there. In walks your father, bold as brass, and stood there in the door looking me up and down. He put his trunk on the seat across from me, and pulled out a handful of eggs, which he then handed to me.

"I've had breakfast." I told him. What else were eggs for besides eating?

"He stood back up with his own handful of eggs and started laughing at me. "Had breakfast! That's good!" He said, and then got an impish look. "They're not for eating , they're for throwing ." He said. "Come on, Lucy is just begging for egg on his face, poncing about like he owns the bloody train."

"Long story short, we hid under his cloak and pelted the Malfoy git with eggs before the trainride was an hour old. Lucy squealed and ran, and we bolted back to the cabin. James put the cloak away, and we sat there laughing for whole minutes. I'd never laughed before. I'd never had fun before, and we were best friends immediately."

"That was quite mean." Hermione stated.

Black opened his mouth to say something fierce, but saw Hermione frowning at him and changed his mind. "I suppose it does look that way on the surface, true. You have to understand though, I knew Lucy. His parents were part of my parents' little pureblood mania crew. I had grown up having to deal with the worthless little toerag spouting his "Dark Lord' this and 'Dark Lord' that, and looking forward to torturing muggles with impunity. Trust me when I say Lucy deserved a lot worse than a few yolks in his hair."

"Hmph." Hermione grunted as she conceded the point. "His son isn't any better."

"I should think not, having been educated by Lucy. Cissa wasn't any better either." Black sighed again. "Twisting a child like that with such stupid lies is about the worst thing I can imagine." He looked straight at Harry then, into his eyes. "It broke my heart when I discovered what Dumbledore had done with you, Harry, and it was my fault. I'm more sorry than you can know."

"I'll assume you're going to get to how it's your fault later?" Harry asked.

Black nodded, so Harry motioned for him to continue.

He filled in how he had run away from home when he was fourteen to live with Harry's grandparents, and included his tear-filled guilt at leaving his own brother to be twisted into joining the Death Eaters.

He went into how their pranks went too far after a time, and admitted that he was so busy learning how to have fun that he didn't stop to think about how the victims of their pranks might feel. He fully acknowledged his remorse for being a bully, and that he should have realized it sooner.

He went over how they met Moony, and figured out his 'furry little problem'. When they did, they decided not to denigrate or ostracize him, but to research how to become animals themselves out of solidarity.

"I should have known." Black said then, "Our first full transformations in fifth year. When he first transformed fully, we all should have known right then. He was just a common rat. A stinking, filthy little plague carrier. But no, we were a team and that came first... I should have known that about your father too, Harry. He was a stag. Too bloody noble for his own good."

"Why would it matter what his form was?" Hermione asked.

"Unlike regular transfiguration," Black explained, "becoming an Animagus isn't a matter of choosing your form and forcing your body into it. An Animagus doesn't choose his or her form at all - the form is an expression of the character of the witch or wizard. It's an expression of who you are."

"Oh." Hermione bit her lip while she frowned in deep thought. "Well how did you know that the rat's transformation was that and not just regular transfiguration?"

Black grinned and looked at her for a long moment with a happy expression, clearly lost in memories. Then he turned to Harry. "I miss your mum too. She was like that, always a hundred questions and thinking about things from a perspective that none of us could manage, usually completely brilliant."

Then he turned back to Hermione. "Partial self-transfiguration is difficult enough. There are a few hundred who could manage maybe half of themselves. It's dead useful if you want to go swimming for an extended period, just give yourself gills and breathe underwater, that kind of thing. A total transfiguration of yourself into a chosen form is near impossible. Not even Dumbledore could manage it. So no, it's safe to say that a little fifth year rat was not managing it. To get around the near-impossibility of it, an Animagus calls on the very essence of his or her own magic to take over and complete the transformation. That's why you can't choose the form, why the form is an expression of who you are at your most fundamental level."

"Good to know." Hermione made a mental note of that, Harry could tell.

"So my dad kept you from turning on the rat because he was a rat. And then the rat went on to kill them somehow?" Harry asked.

Black nodded. "Yes and no." He went on to explain in detail what had happened when they went into hiding and exactly how he had arrived to find Harry's parents dead. How he had given Harry from his own arms to Hagrid because he thought Harry would be safe with Hagrid and Dumbledore whilst he chased the rat.

"That's where I've heard the name Peter Pettigrew before!" Hermione said suddenly. "Great Magicking Events of the Twentieth Century! He received a posthumous Order of Merlin for being killed by you that night."

Black nodded. "Not surprising. Bloody Ministry. Only, I obviously haven't killed anyone, as he's quite comfortable in your dorm as we speak."

"What?" Harry frowned. "How do you know?"

"I could smell him." Black answered. "My animagus form is a black dog. All you have to do to see for yourselves is find a rat missing a finger."

"Because Pettigrew cut his off before he escaped in nineteen eighty-one." Hermione finished for him.

"Yes, that's it!" Black answered.

Harry looked to Hermione, and then motioned toward the kitchen again. They retreated, and Hermione cast a muffling spell so they couldn't be heard.

"We both know there's only one rat in the Gryffindorms." Harry said.

"And Scabbers is missing a toe." Hermione added.

"I guess I'll have to go rat-nap Weasley's pet." Harry sighed. "How can we keep him confined if it does actually turn out to be true?"

Hermione bit her lip again as she thought. "We'll have to keep Black here for at least a couple - oh! No, no we won't. I don't like to ask, but if Dobby wants to help -" She was cut off by a CRACK sound.

Dobby suddenly stood next to them, a hopeful smile on his face and hands wringing with manic energy. "Dobby can help?"

"I hope so, Dobs." Harry smiled, "If you want to, I mean."

"Yes! Dobby always wants to help Great Harry Potter Sir and Miss Hermione!" Dobby agreed enthusiastically.

"Alright, thank you Dobby. We're going to need an unbreakable, inescapable rat cage. Once we have that, we want to put Ron Weasley's pet rat into it and then bring it here."

"Dobby knows Perfidous Pets in Knockturn Alley has unbreakable pet cages." Dobby supplied.

"That's perfect." Hermione smiled at Dobby.

"If you would, please go purchase one of those suitable for a rat because we don't want him escaping. Take my key and use as much gold as you need, it doesn't matter what it costs. Can you do your popping thing and just magic the rat into the cage?" Harry asked.

Dobby danced from foot to foot and clapped. "Dobby can do!"

Harry handed his vault key to Dobby, and Dobby grinned. "Dobby will return shortly!" He said, and vanished with a pop.

"Dobby's awesome." Harry smiled at Hermione.

She nodded in return. "I agree. We must always be aware of his feelings precisely because he is so helpful and eager to please."

"He's a good friend too." Harry agreed. "I've explained my perspective to him a few times, but I'm not sure he quite gets it."

Together they turned back to Black, who sat at the table looking morose.

"Now we just need to find a way to determine if he's telling the truth or not." Harry said. "I'm inclined to believe him, but that's what's making me nervous."

"Don't worry Harry, we'll figure something out." Hermione reassured him. "If we need to, we can ask my mum and dad."

Harry stopped and grinned at her. "Thanks, that actually makes me feel better. Your mum and dad are great."

"Right. I'll get started on a letter then, and include what he's said so far. I'll ask Dobby to deliver it when I'm done." She turned to go back to the table where Black sat, but Harry stopped her with a hand on her arm, and wrapped her in a hug instead.

"Thanks for being here with me, Hermione. I feel better dealing with all this just knowing you're here with me."

He didn't see it until he let go of Hermione, but Black had a strange sort of smile on his face and a lone tear made its way down his cheek as he watched the two of them.

Chapter Text

"Well, we have good news and bad news." Hermione said as they sat at the small table in Sirius's room. His room was through a door in the wardrobe of Harry's room, so there wasn't much chance of his being discovered. Harry had left Sirius his cloak - his father's cloak - as well, in case he needed to get out and about. Harry understood all too well the pain of confinement.

"Hit me." Sirius replied. He'd filled out a little and looked a lot less haggard after a month of good food and good sleep. He certainly had more energy.

"Well, if what you say is true and you really didn't have a trial, the law says they have to let you go, guilty or not." Hermione told him.

He frowned at that. "What? Even if I was guilty?"

She nodded. "The Magna Carta was changed in the year twelve-fifteen to include a clause against unlwaful imprisonment - that 'no man may be unlawfully imprisoned'. That part of the Magna Carta was made into an official law in sixteen seventy-nine, which predates the Statute of Secrecy, which was made law in sixteen ninety-two."

"Okay, and?" Sirius still frowned.

"Aaaand" She drawled, as though explaining to a child, "Since the Statute was JUST A STATUTE, added to EXISTING laws and ratified into the body of laws for the Magicking world, it's STILL a law. So guilty or not, you've been unlawfully imprisoned by the body that upholds and enforces the laws. They have no choice but to let you go."

Sirius's jaw slacked as the penny dropped for him. "Ha!" He barked. "Ha ha! Wankers!"

"And now the bad news." Hermione interrupted his glee. "While it's a law, the current Ministry doesn't seem to actually know its own laws, far less abide by them. It actually seems more likely that the Minister and the Wizengamot would find some way to have an 'accident' befall you, rather than admit the mistake and give back all their bribe money."

"Oh." Sirius sat back down. "Well shit."

"Language." Hermione admonished. "Though, I know what you mean. I was shocked and dismayed at reading how things are done these days. It's like the entire Magicking Ministry is nothing but a group of feudal nobles just trying to get more money and power by twisting everything for their own gain. I thought we'd left that behind with the House of Lords."

She crossed her arms and looked sad and disgusted.

"So as usual, it's up to us." Harry sighed. "There isn't a single adult in the castle I'd trust - no offence, I just don't know you well enough yet."

"No, of course." Sirius replied, "Though I do hope to earn that someday."

"At least Susan agreed to help, that's something. Unfortunately she won't get to see her aunt again until holidays, so you'll be here another two weeks." Harry said to try and raise spirits.

"Well, it's no tropical island teeming with scantily clad ladies, but it would be my second choice." Sirius grinned and winked at Harry.

"Uch." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Kindly refrain from objectifying women whilst I'm sat next to you."

Sirius however, was unfazed. "You're only complaining because I'm not a black-haired green-eyed teen."

Hermione opened her mouth to complain, and after a quick glance at Harry, she closed it again as her thoughts had spiralled far off the topic of objectification.

Sirius on the other hand, smiled quietly to himself as nostalgia surged through him, comfortable and warm. They were so much like James and Lily that he'd be well surprised if they weren't married straight after graduation. Harry was a damn sight smarter and more grounded than James had been, so maybe even sooner. Then again, maybe later.

He had also been surprised as to the number and general comeraderie of their friends. The frequency with which they showed up just to visit - over and above the study groups - made his heart swell with happiness and pride. It also made him wonder how many others the marauders had alienated in their day with their carrying on. It was a sobering thought.

"At least you don't have to eat garbage, and you can get out now and then even if it is just around the castle." Harry said, trying to remain upbeat.

Sirius smiled to himself, and then to Harry. He was such a melding of both his parents he couldn't help but smile. "True, and I've you both to thank for it. So thank you again. This is far preferrable to living in a cave and eating squirrels, and not just for the stirling company."

"Speaking of which, we should get to Defense Club." Hermione said, and Harry quickly checked the clock on the wall.

"See you later." Harry smiled at Sirius as he and Hermione left.

"Have fun, you two." He waved as they went.

Their routine was largely unchanged from their previous years, though they'd had to leave the firstie Defense Club to the second years, as their new elective classes took up too much of their time. Two weeks passed in a haze of reading, writing, and experimentation, and then they were on the train bound for London again.

Susan said that her aunt would be meeting them on the platform, both to ensure that the headmaster didn't show up and to accept the 'package' directly from Harry.

When the train arrived, the group of friends shared a quick goodbye, and Harry and Hermione followed Susan and Hannah to meet Susan's aunt.

"Thank you for meeting with me Harry." She said after she'd finished hugging Susan and Hannah hello.

"Thank you for coming." Harry replied with a smile.

"Don't thank me just yet, I have a number of questions I'd like answers to. I'd like to take you to a secure location for a talk if you don't mind." Susan's aunt's eyes scanned up and down the platform, even as she spoke.

Harry didn't have any problem with that, so he looked to Hermione to see if she had any objections. She sometimes saw things he didn't, so he liked to check with her to make sure he wasn't missing anything.

She just raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

He smiled, and turned back to Susan's aunt. "Sure, that's fine." He said, and then turned back to Hermione to hug her. "Call you when I'm free again and tell you all about it." He whispered to her.

"Stay safe." She whispered back, and then they parted.

Hermione hugged Hannah and Susan goodbye, and waved as she left to meet her parents. Susan and Hannah went with Hannah's parents and flooed away.

"Before we go, I'd just like to ask if the headmaster has left you alone this term?" Susan's aunt asked.

"Yes he has, thank you so much." Harry replied with a delighted smile.

Madam Bones showed a smile of her own. "Good. That's good." She said, and offered her arm. After having been on many trips with Dobby, he figured it was probably for apparation, so he gently lay his hand on her forearm.

Sure enough, they appeared somewhere else an instant later, and Harry's insides felt horribly twisted and stretched and pummeled all at the same time. It was absolutely nothing like elf apparation.

He bent over double with his hand on his knees and concentrated on breathing deeply and not throwing up.

"I'm sorry, I forgot this must be your first time. Are you alright?" She asked him with a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Harry nodded in return, still concentrating and breathing deeply. "Like being kicked in the guts a few times." He replied.

Madam Bones opened her mouth to say something, but frowned and looked at his back before closing it again.

It only took a moment to regain his equilibrium, so he looked around. They were in what looked like a council house with decoration and furniture from the nineteen fifties. The carpet was chocolate brown, the sofa and chairs were tan-coloured houndstooth. It was all quite bland.

Once he felt alright again, madam Bones asked him several very uncomfortable questions regarding his stay with the Dursleys. Harry, despite his discomfort, recognized that his own asking for her help had put him in that situation, so he did his best to cooperate. After that, she asked him about Dumbledore, and Harry told her what Sirius had told him about the night his parents died. He was very careful to not mention finding out from Spiff whilst in Dumbledore's office.

"Wait, you're saying Dumbledore is responsible for you being in that place to begin with?" She asked, incredulous.

Harry nodded. "Who else's orders would Hagrid act under? Hagrid had no reason to be anywhere near my parents' house."

Susan's aunt flattened her lips together and wrote a note to talk to Hagrid.

"Alright, now..." She fixed Harry with a piercing look. "Susan said that you have a living dead man trapped as a rat in a cage."

"That's true, yes." Harry said, "But before I fetch him, I need to ask you how much you know about Ministry law regarding unlawful imprisonment."

She looked back at him for a moment with one raised eyebrow. It wasn't often anyone challenged her knowledge of the law. "It's by definition unlawful. If you want details, I'll have to go look those up."

Harry nodded at that. "Please do. In addition to being accused and hunted for a crime he didn't - and couldn't have - committed, mister Black was also never granted a trial. That would make him free to go under existing unlawful imprisonment laws, since it's been far more than ninety days."

"That's a bug - a hefty assertion, mister Potter. Do you have proof?" Madam Bones raised her other eyebrow to join the first.

Harry shook his head. "No, ma'am, that's what I'm asking you for. I couldn't walk into trial records and start fishing about, could I?" He looked up at her, pleading.

She smiled and chuckled a little. "No, I don't suppose you could mister Potter."

"Just Harry, if you please ma'am. Susan's my friend, so with you calling me mister Potter it feels like I'm in trouble for something."

She chuckled again at that. "Fine Harry, but you call me Amelia then alright?"

Harry smiled back at her. "Will do. Let me just go fetch the rat." He put his trunk down on the floor and opened it, then fetched the rat from Sirius's room. Sirius had him on a shelf on the wall, on display.

"Nice trunk." Amelia said when he returned.

"Thanks. I think it was definitely worth the galleons for having a place to practice potions and do homework where we won't be interrupted." Harry handed the cage to her.

"As I said before, this is Peter Pettigrew. The research we've done said that he was a rat animagus, and he's been hiding as the Weasley's pet rat for twelve years, which is about eight years too long to be a normal rat. He's under stasis right now, has been for a few months since we caught him."

Amelia took the cage and looked at the rat lying on its side with its legs straight out. "You know if this turns out to be a normal rat and not Peter Pettigrew I'll be quite put out. I'll have to take several precautions in case it actually is, and I'd rather not do so for nothing."

Harry nodded. "I understand Amelia. If it turns out to not be him then I'll deserve whatever punishment you see fit. Thank you for even listening to me."

Her face softened considerably, and she held out a hand. "Alright, I'll go get to work then."

Harry shook her hand and grinned widely. "Thanks again, Amelia."

She apparated him back to plaform nine and three-quarters, and left again straight away. Harry took the opportunity to let Sirius know that Amelia was investigating his lack of trial and Pettigrew's existence. Sirius was genuinely grateful for it, but at the same time retained his usual touch of melancholy. Harry reminded himself that as soon as he wasn't being hunted anymore Sirius would probably improve. He was stuck in a trunk whilst being hunted illegally by the government, and that was nobody's picnic.

As a result, Harry asked Dobby to drop him at the international portkey office again, and purchased a round-trip to Harbour Island in the Bahamas. Harry had read that they had pink beaches there and he wanted to see that, but it might also do Sirius some good to get some sun.

As it turned out, there were also rather scantily-clad ladies on those beaches, and Harry had a hard time telling whether it was the sun or ladies that were better for Sirius. He had to remind Sirius about the sunscreen charm three times the first day, and when they met again for dinner, Sirius looked like a cooked lobster. He didn't have to remind him again that whole week.

Harry left Sirius behind on the Island when he went to visit Hermione and her parents for Christmas, after first making sure Sirius had enough cash to get by. Dobby also said he would listen for Sirius in order to relay messages.

Thankfully, the headmaster chose not to visit the Grangers' house on Christmas, so they all had a lovely day including Dobby who was beside himself with joy to provide tea and biscuits and meals and pop back and forth with gifts and thank you notes to friends.

As he sat next to Hermione on the sofa and sipped tea whilst her parents sat in chairs on either side of them sipping their own tea, something inside Harry broke.

That was it, he realized. What he'd craved deep down inside his whole life was right there in front of him, surrounding him, accepting him as part of it.

His chin scrunched up and his eyes got hot and no matter how he tried to stop it, tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione asked softly with one hand on his arm.

He shook his head slightly as he wiped his eyes. "Nothing." He answered, "I just... I feel warm. Happy. It just struck me suddenly this is what Family is. It just... I don't know. This is the best day of my life." He smiled through the tears at her, and she took his tea from him and put his and hers on the coffee table before she wrapped her arms around him and just held him close.

It did nothing to stop the tears.

Eventually the tears finally stopped, and Harry was suffused with the precious, unfamiliar feeling of acceptance. He tried his very hardest to remember it so he would have it for later.

"Sorry," He said as he wiped his eyes again, "Didn't mean to put a damper on the brilliant day."

"Nonsense, Harry." Audrey said softly, with an equally soft expression, "Happy tears are always welcome. I'm just sorry it took so long for you to feel it." She smiled at him with a slight tilt to her head and emotion shining from her eyes as she looked at him and Hermione.

"Thank you." Harry replied as he tried to keep his voice working, "Just thank you for letting me be here."

"Anytime, Harry." Ed raised his teacup toward Harry. "We're quite happy to have you, though perhaps not quite as happy as miss two hours in front of the mirror here."

"Dad!" Hermione scolded, though her cheeks did turn pink.

"I've no idea how many times I've left to tease you, honey. I have to get it in while it's still possible." Her father smiled back.

That made Harry smile again, but this time it was somehow different. He felt like he was inside the joke instead of watching it from outside, and that maybe even a little of it was aimed at him. It was the best feeling he'd ever felt, and watching the ensuing banter between Hermione and her parents made him feel... something. It was warm, and made him want to protect them all, protect that moment and their feelings as something precious.

It also made him realize exactly how much he wanted to be even closer to Hermione. It was like he wanted to stay right next to her, to hold her, somehow crawl under her skin...

That was the moment, as Harry turned to look at Hermione with his eyes wide, that he realized he actually did want to marry her. Not just to stay beside her and keep being best friends, but because he was attracted to her! He wanted to do romantic kissing things with her, and that was entirely new... Though not that much of a surprise, which was sort of a surprise by itself.

Harry enjoyed the rest of the day with the Grangers immensely, and received a thorough squishing from Hermione when it was time to leave.

"I'll call you tomorrow." Harry whispered as they embraced.

"You'd better." She whispered back, and placed a quick kiss on his jaw.

That sent a pleasant tingle through him, and made him smile more happily than he ever had before.

He was still in such a good mood he and Dobby made Sirius a Christmas dinner when they returned to the Bahamas, as he'd suddenly gone five hours into the past it was just the right time.

The rest of the Christmas holidays were spent teaching Sirius to surf, though Dobby often rode behind Harry on his board whilst invisible. Harry talked to Hermione every day, and expressed how he couldn't wait to see her again. Sirius made exaggerated kissy noises the first time he heard that, which sent Hermione into embarrased peals of laughter and made Harry throw a pillow at the 'old man'.

"Now I know how you felt with your parents." Harry told her after Sirius had wandered off, chuckling.

"You deserved it after the bookstore in Paris." Hermione said smugly.

Harry laughed quietly, and smiled while he spoke. "Yeah, okay I can see that. Fair play."

All too soon the holidays were over, and it was time to return. Their portkey dropped them in an alley near King's Cross, and Sirius looked around quickly before grabbing Harry in a hug.

"Thank you, Harry." He said. "Thank you for listening and giving me a chance, and for the best holiday I've ever had."

"Not so bad yourself, Padfoot." Harry hugged him in return. "Stay safe, call Dobby if you need anything or just to write, and hopefully you'll be free soon."

"Same to you, Harry. Stay safe, and remember to think before you kiss." Sirius winked and grinned at him.

Harry rolled his eyes and Sirius laughed. "See you soon." He said, and vanished with a CRACK.

Harry drew a deep breath and relaxed once he was gone, as there was far less chance of Sirius being discovered and apprehended where he went. He walked out of the alley to the street it was attached to, and saw Whitehall on his right, so he headed that way and north to Trafalgar square and on through up Charing Cross to the Leaky. He stopped a few doors down and ducked behind a wheelie bin down an alley next to a theater to put his cloak on.

Tom and a few of the patrons looked up when he slipped into the leaky, and frowned while looking about. Harry was thrilled with his growth when he was able to reach the uppermost brick and open the way into Diagon. He removed his cloak once he got into Gringott's, and put it back in his trunk.

Ungrog was just as disgruntled to see him as he always was, and Harry always felt rushed when visiting.

"About the basilisk parts." Harry said when he entered the account manager's office, "I would like to keep enough of the skin to make at least five longcoats. I would like the venom to only be made available for purchase to certified healers who need it in order to help people. The rest of the thing except for the meat and front half of the skeleton can be sold for profit. As for the meat, you personally can have ten percent of it, whichever cuts you think are best, and donate the rest to Gringott's as a whole. Ideally it would be nice if everyone got some, but you would know far better than I how Gringott's works internally."

He didn't bother to sit down, and just stood near the door as he spoke. Ungrog took notes as he did, and when he finished speaking, the goblin put his quill down and looked at him with an expression Harry couldn't read.

"Price?" He asked after a moment.

"Your portion is a perk of being my accounts manager. Call it a token of thanks for your help with all my dumb questions. If you think the rest of it needs to be sold instead of shared, then you go ahead and set the price. Like I said, you'd know better than I."

Ungrog nodded, and picked up his quill again. "Without at least a nominal price no-one would accept any of it, they would be far too suspicious. Nothing is free, mister Potter."

Harry disgreed, and could think of little better than sharing with his friends, but he acknowledged that he wasn't a goblin and hadn't been educated like a goblin, so he left that statement alone in the interest of agreeing to disagree.

"How would you like the skin packaged?" Ungrog asked.

"If possible could it be tanned and ready for wearing before it's put in my vault? Yes I know there will be a fee, that's fine." Harry answered.

Ungrog nodded and made a note.

He didn't have anything else to say, so Harry reached out to open the door again. "Thanks for your time." He said, and left.

He took a few deep breaths after he left to relax from the tension of the meeting on his way out, and stopped to resupply his potions ingredients while he was in Diagon. When he was done he walked the few kilometers to King's Cross. He treated himself to a steak and chips for dinner at one of the restaurants, and then dropped his trunk back at the vending machine on platform nine - which had been changed from cigarettes to crisps.

In the morning he did a bit of shopping and topped up his food supplies before returning to the station. Harry knew he was several hours early to board the train, so as before he boarded and left his trunk in a cabin - on the floor this time - whilst he exercised in his gym and then showered.

When he was dried and dressed, he exited the trunk and closed it again to stow above the seat. He brought a couple of books with him, upper year charms and a dueller's primer he'd picked up at the bookstore in Paris.

It was not long after he opened the duelling book that Luna showed up and sat across from him.

"Hi Luna. Good hols?" He asked with a smile. It was nice to see her again.

"Wonderful, thank you." Luna beamed a happy smile at him. "Daddy and I managed to observe branched squeegronks in the wild. We were a couple of months too late for their mating season, but we had a splendid time regardless. How were your holidays?"

"Great, thanks." Harry smiled back. "I went surfing in a place that has pink beaches, and spent christmas with Hermione and her parents, it was lovely."

"Were her parents happy the two of you are having sex?" Luna asked with a curious look.

Harry's brain temporarily shut down as images flashed through. "Uh... we aren't Luna. Honestly I think even if we were I don't think I'd say. It strikes me that's sort of a private thing, don't you think?" Harry licked his lips against the sudden dryness.

"Oh." Luna pouted briefly. "I suppose so. It seems like it would be a lot more fun than just - "

"Possibly," Harry interrupted as his face filled up with heat and his heart hammered, "I wouldn't know. How are the first years doing in Defense Club?" He desperately changed the subject.

"They're fine, just like we were last year." Luna replied with a small sly smile. "Of course they're getting real instruction so they don't have to study everything on their own like we did."

Harry nodded as his blood pressure started to drop again and he relaxed. "Good. We've already got their tournament schedule finished."

"And ours." Luna replied, "Hermione and I worked it out before break."

Harry smiled at that, and before he could say anything else the door opened to admit Hermione, with Neville close behind her. Harry stood and helped her shelve her trunk, then smiled as she hugged him. He smiled and hugged her back, but she pushed him down into the seat and sat practically on top of him. Only after her side was compressed against his and their fingers interlaced did she breathe a soft sigh and relax.

More friends showed up, the train pulled away and the lady with the trolley passed by. They had lovely conversation and shared food, and Harry even showed some snaps of the pink beach on Harbour Island. Really though, he was just happy to be next to Hermione again, and she seemed the same - she was constantly touching him, just his arm or his leg, as though to remind herself that he was still there. He found it rather reassuring, honestly.

The train arrived at Hogsmeade, they rode the thestral-drawn carriages up to the school, and Dumbledore didn't request Harry in his office. It was a good day.

The school year started up again and everyone threw themselves back into studying. A week later they were back into the groove and managing Defense Club and all their classes. Harry's standing order with the trophy house in Honolulu was delivered into his apportator receptacle, so he kept them in the Defense Club room where everyone could see them. Just the trophy cups, of course. It didn’t do to leave loads of galleons lying about.

Before he was ready for it February had turned up, and with it an increased pressure. Before that year Valentine's Day hadn't meant anything at all to Harry. He'd exchanged cards with other kids his age as they'd always done at public school and thought nothing of it.

This year Harry wanted to send a message, specifically to Hermione.

Thankfully, he had Dobby's help and input so he was confident in the plan. When they separated on the night of February thirteenth to go to their respective dorms, Harry called Dobby to deliver Hermione's gifts.

He didn't expect to be so tense in the morning though. He woke early and took his trunk to the trunk room before doing his morning exercise routine. He felt better afterward, but he was still worried that Hermione wouldn't like her surprise.

He tried to just read ahead in runes, but his brain wasn't working. He read the same page five times and still had no idea what it said. When Hermione finally came down the stairs into the common room, she smiled at him and pulled him to his feet to hug the stuffing out of him.

"Of course I'll be your valentine Harry." She whispered, "Will you be mine?"

He couldn't help but sigh with relief. "Always." He whispered back.

She pulled back to look into his eyes, and he could feel a strange kind of gravity between them as their faces got closer and closer together. It was as if they fell toward each other in slow motion, unable to escape the pull. His whole attention narrowed in to focus on her lips...

And a rush of people came down the stairs into the common room.

"...wish someone would give me a dozen roses and chocolates for valentine's." Parvati pouted.

"Oh me too!" Seamus laughed, "Never get the pamperin' I deserve."

"Shut it, Finnegan." Lavender huffed. She then turned to glare at Harry and Hermione as the group of them left the common room to head to breakfast.

"Lavender and Parvati were absolutely green with envy when they saw what you did." Hermione explained quietly. "I admit I was a bit childish in reading your card aloud, but they've both been less than pleasant recently."

"They're not bulllying you, are they?" Harry began to glower.

Hermione just hugged him again and shook her head. "I can deal with them, never fear."

Harry took a deep breath and let it out whilst he forced away the sudden anger that the possibility of Hermione being bullied raised in him. The strange gravity that had formed between them had gone again, so when they let go of each other, Harry held her hand and they walked down to breakfast that way.

It felt a little strange to receive the odd looks they did, but truthfully Harry didn't care overmuch. He was just happy to be Hermione's valentine. The whole day turned out to be just lovely, which was a far cry from the hideous pink nightmare it had been with Lockhart in the castle.

Their actual day wasn't anything out of the ordinary, apart from Hermione constantly thinking about the gifts in her dorm and Harry recognizing that she was thinking about them and being simultaneously embarrassed and pleased as punch. When it was over and they had picked up Harry's trunk, they walked hand in hand back to the dorms, but Hermione stopped them before they entered the common room.

"This was a wonderful day, Harry, thank you." She said quietly.

"I'm sorry it's a bit late." Harry replied as he looked back into her warm chocolate eyes, "I mean, I read that girls mature faster than boys so that's why its a bit late, but I just... I wanted you to know I don't just see you as my best friend."

"You don't?" She frowned.

Harry shook his head. "Not just. I... umm..." He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the heat that filled his face. "I see you as... someone I want to do romancey things with. As... as a... beautiful girl." He could tell his face was flaming, and it was just too much to look at her, so he focused on the glint from her necklace.

"You do?" She asked quietly, in a breathy sort of voice.

Harry was at his limit for embarrassment, so he just nodded.

"Good." She said with a smile. "I do too. About you, I mean. Since beginning of the year."

That shocked him rigid. "You do?" He asked, incredulous.

She nodded back, still smiling. He envied her ability to deal with embarrassment, since it was clearly far greater than his.

"That makes me really happy, Harry. I look forward to exploring... romancey things... with you. I'm also really happy you don't flirt with the other girls who are flirting with you."

That shocked him even more. "Girls are flirting with me? When? Who?"

She smiled at him, clearly amused by his ignorance. "Lavender and Parvati on the train, Mille in Defense Club, Susan and Hannah occasionally have a go albeit somewhat teasingly. Even Daphne has at times."

Harry forgot all about his embarassment then, as the tension between him and Hermione seemed to ebb away. "I must be thicker than a... No, actually I'm quite pleased I didn't notice, that would have been embarrassing."

Hermione hugged him again and didn't say anything else, she just held his hand as they entered the common room.

"Good night Harry." She said with a warm smile as they parted on the stairs.

"Good night Hermione." He smiled back.

Aside from the additional closeness he shared with Hermione thereafter, things went generally back to normal after Valentine's Day. Harry occasionally wondered if other girls were flirting with him, but didn't manage to spot the real thing until Snape randomly paired him with Pansy Parkinson in potions class. Halfway through their Wideye potion while Harry stirred the mixture, Pansy's hand somehow found its way to his posterior.

When he looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she leaned over and whispered to him "Get to a broom cupboard and we can have some fun." She looked back over his shoulder at another worktable.

Harry made sure the correct number of stirs was completed before he turned to face her. "I'm always open to having more friends, but that doesn't seem like what you have in mind. Please remove your hand." He said loudly in a flat, uninterested tone.

He got detention from Snape for it, but the attention he called to what Pansy was doing made her stop immediately and turn away from him. She didn't talk to him for the rest of the class, and that was fine with Harry. After a few minutes he figured out that she had looked over at Hermione, and then consequently realized that Pansy had only done that to try to hurt her, rather than out of any desire she had for him.

The whole thing made him rather cross.

Thankfully, after the detention he was able to talk to Hermione about it, and she was rather pleased with his reaction, so he called it a win.

He rather failed to catch any other girl flirting with him though, and that left him wondering if it happened at all. He didn't like to think he was even thicker than he thought he was, but his lack of evidence was itself evidence.

The days rolled on, and ultimately he didn't really have much time to consider the flirting and Other Girls issue. He was more than happy to focus on their studies and spend his free time with Hermione and their friends.

Harry kept in touch with Sirius via mail as well, and was pleased he was soaking up sun in the south of Spain. However, the best news came a few weeks later at breakfast, when Hermione plonked her Daily Prophet on the table next to his plate.

BLACK EXONERATED

by Throckmorton Bilgethrush

Sirius Black, notorious Death Eater and murderer was today declared innocent! All charges against Black were summarily dropped in the Wizengamot ruling against Peter Pettigrew, former hero, former posthumous recipient of the Order of Merlin for his bravery and heroism in facing down Sirius Black and being destroyed for it. Well dear readers, Peter Pettigrew was in fact alive and well these past twelve years, and hiding from the world as a pet rat of all things.

When questioned under veritaserum in the courtroom, Pettigrew admitted to being a Death Eater. He admitted to betraying the Potters to Voldemort and thereby assisting in their deaths - an admission which was constantly interrupted and obfuscated by the Chief Warlock until he was removed from the proceedings. Pettigrew also admitted to exploding the street with a blasting curse and causing the deaths of the twelve muggles on the night Black was arrested.

Director of the DMLE Amelia Bones had this to say:

"Undeniable, unequivocal proof that Sirius Black is innocent is what we've seen and heard here today, though as I was reminded not long ago, we didn't need it. Because the Wizengamot tossed Black in a cell without a trial, we'd have had to let him go regardless of his guilt or innocence simply because we had broken our own laws and imprisoned him unlawfully. Something you can be certain we will be checking for regarding all current prisoners and any in the future."

No doubt there will be more to come as the horror of wrongful imprisonment is investigated, hopefully Sirius Black turns out to be the only victim. I can't imagine it bodes well for the sitting Wizengamot members who are aware that people were chucked into Azkaban without a trial. Even Death Eaters had trials.

For more about wrongful imprisonment, turn to page 22.

For more about Death Eaters, turn to page 31.

Harry reached over and hugged Hermione one-armed as he finished reading.

"Dobby!" He whispered.

Dobby appeared behind him. "What can Dobby help with?" The elf asked.

"Would you please go purchase a Daily Prophet and take it to Sirius? Tell him to read page eight."

Dobby nodded. "Right away, Harry Potter Sir." Dobby vanished instantly.

"He doesn't have to hide now, that's great!" Harry beamed.

Hermione opened her mouth to say something to him, and then closed it as she frowned just over his shoulder.

Harry turned to see professor Lupin excuse himself from the teacher's table and walk out of the Great Hall looking quite ill.

Chapter Text

Harry dodged quickly to his left while he shot a grin at Neville, and then shot three stunning spells at him in rapid succession. He secretly giggled when he saw Neville's eyes widen, but regardless of his shock and horror, Neville managed to snap up a shield spell and deflect the one in the middle whilst he ducked and the other two sailed past him.

Not to be outdone, Neville shot back a bludgeoning hex followed by an ice jinx toward Harry's feet. Harry swivelled his shoulders to let the bludgeoner slide past him, and jumped to avoid the ice jinx, but was tagged in the center of his chest by Neville's third spell, a seize-and-pull charm.

Of course, the spell was simply absorbed by Harry's soul peanut shield, but he stopped when he landed again and held up his hands as his wand snapped back into its holster.

"You got me." He grinned. "Well bloody done, Nev!"

Neville blinked, and his wand twitched as though he were about to cast again, but then he lowered it.

"Uh... I won?" He asked, disbelieving.

Harry strode forward with his hand out, and Neville shook it with a growing grin.

"Nicely done, mate." Harry congratulated him with a clap to the shoulder.

Luna was first to congratulate him as she hopped up onto the duelling piste and engulfed him in a hug. Neville quickly wrapped his arms around her as well. "I won!" He said, mostly to convince himself Harry thought. Clearly he hadn't expected to.

The whole tournament started clapping for him then, and Neville blushed furiously as he and Luna jumped down from the elevated piste.

Once again, Harry had been eliminated in the third round, though that didn't matter at all to him. He'd had a great deal of fun duelling with everyone, and he hardly wanted to win his own prize. That everyone in the room was a friend or friendly acquaintance was the true victory, and Harry was thrilled for that each and every day.

Unfortunately, Luna ruthlessly stomped Neville into the floor at the beginning of the finals. Harry rather suspected Neville didn't mind overmuch, from the admiring smile he gave her afterward.

For the second year in a row, the finals came down to Daphne, Luna, and Hermione, though Daphne and Luna would duel first. Since Luna had just duelled Neville, there was a five minute break beforehand, so Harry wished them both good luck and then sat with Hermione to watch the action.

"Who do you think?" He asked her as she took his hand in both of hers and practically crushed it.

Hermione huffed a breath. "I think probably Daphne, but I hope Luna. Not to take anything away from Daphne, but Luna's like a little sister."

"And having it be down to the two of you feels like a family win?"

Hermione nodded, and then seemed to realize she was crushing his hand. She loosened her grip as she shot him a sheepish smile, then took a deep breath and let it out. "Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Over a friendly tournament?" Harry shoved her shoulder with his gently. "You're already top three. Again."

"I know..." She bit her lip and laid her head on his shoulder. "I just.. I want to win. I've never won anything before. I don't care about the prize or anything, I just want to be the best. Just once."

"Well breathe deeply then, being tense and nervous is counterproductive." Harry turned her slightly so he could reach her shoulders, and he tried to massage them as well as he could. He had no idea what he was doing of course, but even to his ignorant fingers her shoulders felt tight. "And for what it's worth, I already think you're the best."

"Aww Harry." Hermione sighed and smiled as she relaxed under his fingers. "That's so nice of you to say."

Harry cut his massage short when Daphne and Luna stepped up onto the piste. Hermione grabbed his hand again, but this time she just held it.

The instant professor Lupin said "Begin!", Luna and Daphne threw spell after spell in a torrent. Harry didn't think he could even make his mouth work that fast. Jelly legs jinxes and ice jinxes collided with frantically cast shields and ricocheted into the standing shields around the platform. A few of the students stood as close to the protective shields as possible, clearly enthralled by the violence taking place. Harry could see most of them breathed quickly, and imagined they did it for the adrenaline.

Luna spun and danced around most of Daphne's spells, until Daphne deliberately hit the piste in front of Luna with an ice jinx. For a second Luna wobbled as she found her footing again, and Daphne's expression got wild as she threw everything she had at her second-year opponent, however Luna gracefully spun onto her behind and then rolled from her back to her front as she shielded and cast in return.

Daphne's expression betrayed her frustration as she dodged a dancing hex, stinging hex, and bludgeoner as she tried to figure out how to win. Luna, on the other hand, dispelled the ice on the floor and somersaulted backward to her feet as she kept right on casting.

Finally, after long minutes of constant casting, both girls were red-cheeked and sweat dripped down their faces. Luna seemed to have more energy, and cast several spells in a row at Daphne, who looked increasingly ragged.

Harry just had time to think that Luna's hard work in his exercise room had paid off before Daphne cast a silent spell at the floor in front of Luna. Luna hopped backward to avoid a repeat of the ice jinx fumble, but instead a large cloud of dark green smoke billowed from where Daphne's spell had hit.

"Incarcerus!" Daphne shouted, and cast her spell into the cloud.

"Well done!" Luna's voice came drifting out of the smoke, "You got me."

Professor Lupin, the only other person inside the duelling area, flicked his wand twice at the piste, and dispelled the smoke to reveal Luna sitting cross-legged, wrapped in rope from her waist to her neck. Professor Lupin dispelled the ropes as well, and Luna got up to congratulate Daphne. They shook hands, and both of them smiled widely as they took a bow.

"Oh well." Hermione murmured, "That did give me an idea though."

Luna came and sat next to them, and they both congratulated her on a fantastic duel. Hermione wanted to hug the girl, but knew exactly how much Luna probably didn't want that while soaked in sweat.

Despite her vastly increased physical fitness that year, Luna still spent the next few minutes breathing deeply and practically chugging pumpkin juice.

All too soon - probably far more so for Daphne - it was time for the final match.

"Relax and focus, you'll be great." Harry said as she stood up.

As she walked toward the piste, she turned back to him. "I have an idea." She grinned.

Daphne had recovered a little, but she stood at the far end of the piste where Luna had been obviously trying not to put her hands on her knees. She breathed deeply, and sweat poured down her still-red face. She looked just like Hermione had last year.

Hermione however knew not to underestimate the Slytherin. Daphne was just as focused, just as capable.

Professor Lupin stood off to the side at the mid-point of the piste, and cleared his throat for attention.

“The final match!” He said, with a look at Hermione and Daphne. “How about a round of applause for everyone who took part?” He trapped his own wand under his arm and clapped for everyone along with all the students who had competed. Most of everyone else was willing to be genial about not winning, but there were a couple who were a little bitter about it. “Now for the final match between Miss Granger and Miss Greengrass! Are you ready?” He looked at Hermione, who nodded in return. Then he turned to look at Daphne, who also nodded determinedly.

Professor Lupin grabbed his wand again and raised it into the air, and then let it fall. “Begin!” He shouted.

Daphne slashed with her wand and spit two spells at Hermione, but Hermione wasn’t there to hit. She dove forward and to her left as she simultaneously shouted “Bombarda! Stupefy!”

The piste erupted in front of Daphne, splinters of wood flying in all directions, and Daphne both stumbled and threw her arms in front of her face, only to be hit square in the face by Hermione’s second spell.

Daphne dropped to the floor instantly, while Hermione rolled to her right and got to her feet, wand up and ready to continue.

“Stop!” Professor Lupin shouted.

Hermione put away her wand, even as her face registered disbelief.

Professor Lupin went and revived Daphne, and cast a few mending charms at some slight cuts and splinters. When Daphne stood up again, Lupin held his hand out toward Hermione.

“Winner, and new tournament champion Hermione Granger!” He yelled.

Everyone clapped and cheered for the new champion, and Hermione looked a bit dumbfounded as she drank it in. Daphne congratulated her as well, and Hermione couldn’t help but hug her Slytherin friend.

“Thank you so much, I’m sorry you got banged up!” Hermione apologized.

Daphne waved her concerns off. “Ugh, I just want to sleep for a week.” She grumbled.

Professor Lupin handed out the prizes then, and the tournament was officially over for another year.

The club broke up after that, Luna headed for the shower immediately as did Daphne, but the rest stayed together mostly, to socialize and discuss the tournament.

Naturally, when Harry and Hermione decided to head to Harry’s trunk to unwind and relax, they were followed by quite a few club members and of course it turned into a post-tournament party.

“I kinda like watching everyone having fun.” Harry whispered to Hermione as they sat on the sofa and watched the chaos around them.

“I’d rather be alone with you and a good book,” Hermione replied, “But once in a while it is nice. Exams are over, the tournament is over -” She stopped then, and a giddy smile spread on her face. “I can’t believe I won.”

“I keep telling you you’re brilliant. Why else would I want to marry you? You’re outstanding.” Harry grinned at her.

“Harry!” Hermione whisper-shouted at him as her face went red.

His continued smile was absolutely unrepentant, and she huffed before turning to lean against him, but not before showing him her own smile.

It was definitely later than usual when the party finally broke up and people went back to their dorms. It was definitely after curfew, but as the year and everyone’s exams were already over, they were certain there wouldn’t be any detentions handed out.

Unfortunately for a tired Harry and Hermione, their night was only just beginning.

“Welcome back ladies and gentlemen!” Spiff announced, and they both sat bolt upright. “That’s right, we’re back in Harbour Opener’s brand new early-access game The Magicking World, and let me tell you, we’ve had a fantastic ride so far. After statting up our horribly abused little protagonist who’d been kept in a cupboard under the stairs like a particularly tatty set of sandals that your cat likes to scrape its behind on, we’ve made him infinitely wealthy, removed all of the ‘quality of life’ spells attached by the restraining-order-worvy headmaster, and even discovered a brand new exploit whilst making him immortal.

“That’s right, not only have we made our majestic little orphan sausage infinitely wealthy and immortal, we’ve also discovered how to make his lady love immortal as well. We’ve even given them both the ability to outright murder anyone attempting to read their minds, and the means to literally drain all the magic from other witches and wizards. Yes, our majestic little domestic abuse victim is now a fully qualified walking War Crime. What could be better than that?!

“’But Spiff!’ You might be saying, ‘That’s amazing, isn’t that enough?’

“Well NO, of course not! Because I’m the Spiffing Brit and drink Yorkshire Tea Gold as my own source of immortality and monfly bribe money, naturally this is nowhere near enough!

“Now we’ve finally come to the crowning glory, and the reason we’ve chosen Granger for our little abusemuffin’s lady love: Ultimate, Infinite Godly Might and Power! Yes ladies and gentlemen, we’re on to the second most important exploit after Immortality - Infinite Magic Power.

“First, unfortunately, we have to progress all the way frough to the end of our fird year, and whever or not we’ve followed the script as set out for us in the game - which of course we haven’t - we’ll need to be down by Hagrid’s hut to free the condemned Hippogryph before it’s slaughtered by a deaf eater getting his jollies. To do so, we’ll simply -”

And then Spiff was gone again.

Hermione frowned at him. “Why would we need to rescue a Hippogryph?” She whispered.

Harry shrugged. “He also said we haven’t followed ‘the script’, so maybe it’s something that would have come up if we’d done something differently. Like maybe taken Hagrid’s magical creatures class instead of runes and arithmancy.”

“Possible, I suppose.” She conceded with a tilt of her head. “Either way,” She stood up and then helped Harry to his feet, “I guess we’re off to Hagrid’s.”

Harry fetched his cloak from his room before they exited the trunk and Harry wore the trunk on his back, as they weren’t about to sneak into the dorms to drop it off.

They’d both also grown quite a bit over the last two years, Harry realized as they snuck quietly through the castle under the cloak. They no longer fit under it together anywhere near as easily as they had. On the up side, he was crouched over Hermione’s back and they bumped together slightly as they moved. It was embarrassing but also exciting at the same time, which was weird but also nice.

They arrived at hagrid’s hut to find a beautiful white and grey hippogryph chained to a stake in the ground at the front of Hagrid’s pumpkin patch.

“ - pull the stake out of the ground and lead the majestic feavery cat-bird away from Hagrid’s tiny hut into the Forbidden forest of certain doom.” Spiff finished his sentence as they got within proximity. “Because this action is part of the end-of-year scenario wivvin the script, the game picks up from that point in the scenario even vough we haven’t played according to the script at all. Perfectly Balanced, ladies and gentlemen, absolutely beautiful.”

Then he was gone again.

“Alright, pull the stake and lead the hippogryph into the scary forest at night.” Hermione summed up.

Harry stepped forward , close enough to reach out and touch the huge, magnificent creature, and stopped to bow. Hermione joined him a second later.

“I almost forgot the bowing, well done.” She whispered to him.

“I never thought helping Sue and Hannah study for Care of Magical Creatures class would pay off so directly.” he whispered back.

The hippogryph bowed in return then, so Hermione went forward to stroke the beautiful plumage and try to keep him calm whilst Harry started to wiggle the stake back and forth in the ground. It took a good minute, but he was able to pull the stake free, and gathered up the chain so it wouldn’t drag on the ground.

“I hope we can find where we’re supposed to be fairly easily, I don’t fancy wandering about the forest all night, even if we can sleep in tomorrow.” Harry said as they moved through the forest.

“I’m sure it won’t be too difficult.” Hermione said back as she led the way with one hand on the chain around the hippogryph’s neck.

They walked for twenty minutes, though it seemed longer thanks to the hippogryph stopping twice to snatch up some kind of rodent that it then gulped down. When they descended an incline into a wide ravine, Hermione stoppped in her tracks and looked back at him.

“Harry! You’re up ahead!” She whisper-shouted, her eyes wide.

Harry frowned. “What?” He stepped up next to her, and sure enough another version of him was ahead, across the wide stony creek on the far bank, trying desperately to fight off a swarm of dementors. He was trying to use some kind of silver cloud shield against them, and it simply wasn’t working.

“Is it just me, Hermione, or does other me over there look kind of pathetic?”

“Well, he does look smaller and weaker than you, certainly. Looks like he never went to Thailand for the summer.”

“Make sure you’re sat back relaxed wiv a nice warm cup of Yorkshire tea in hand ladies and gentlemen, salute the picture of the queen that hangs over your computer, and press record if you can, we have finally arrived at the moment of our little immortal couple’s ascent into godhood. That’s right, we are now set to unleash the unlimited might of immortal invincible gods loose onto the unsuspecting world of corruption and bigotry.

“Really, Harbour Opener, are your offices located in Grimsby?

“Now, once we arrive at the scene where Harry and Sirius are attacked by Dementors from the other side of the Bude Sainsbury’s time tunnel, there’s a moment just before our nascent godlings scatter the Dementors and save their previous selves when, if your romance rating is high enough wiv Granger, the game offers the chance for a quick smoocheroo. It’s intended to give the character casting the Patronus charm a small temporary boost to magical power, just to make sure the job gets done.

“However, we are of course going to exploit this glorious moment by getting the kiss, and then immediately backing out of the cutscene before it ends. This resets everyfing to just before the kiss and lets us kiss again, even vough THE COUNTER DOESN’T RESET! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, once again Harbour Opener’s counter department has gifted us everything by being as effective as Butlin’s marketing department.

“So naturally, we will be repeating the kiss as often as it takes to reach nine fousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine magical power. One more kiss then, and just like the infinite wealth exploit, it doesn’t matter what our little godlings do, the counter will never drop below that number.

“So wivvout furver ado, let’s get on with the apotheosis.”

Spiff’s voice faded, and left them alone with the cold, the shrieks of Dementors, and the efforts of Harry and Sirius across the creek.

“So... I guess we have to kiss now.” Hermione whispered after a long moment.

Harry turned to face her. “Before we do, I just wanted to say that I... I’ve been trying to find a way, a moment... I want to kiss you. I have for months, but I guess I’m crap at finding - “

“You have?” She looked at him with raised eyebrows.

He did himself a favor and shut up, but nodded.

“I... I was beginning to think maybe you didn’t... You didn’t want...”

“No!” He blurted, “No, I absolutely do, I just didn’t want to make it seem...”

“Oh Harry.” She chastised. “Of course I want to. I was just afraid you didn’t.”

Harry swallowed his words, and leaned slowly toward her. She leaned slowly toward him, and within the time it took for one breath and a million heartbeats, his lips finally touched Hermione’s. However, he barely had time to taste her lip gloss before suddenly they were apart again, and leaning toward each other. They kissed again, and the soft, tender, brain-melting touch abruptly ended as they leaned toward each other again.

On and on it went, the beginning of something vast and absolutely brilliant, cut short only to begin again. After it had happened what seemed like hundreds of times, Harry felt Hermione’s tongue slip past his lips to touch his own, and a whole new shockwave disintegrated any coherent thought he might have had. She only did that a couple of times, so he did it back a couple of times.

Then, all at once, it was over.

Her arms snaked behind his neck, and she leaned her front against him - which gave him that strange excitement again, only bigger. He had noticed how good she smelled before, but he'd never been this close to her. She smelled even better up close. She leaned in slowly, closer, and her lips touched his softly, then their lips mashed together and slid over each other. It made his excitement somehow hungry. He kissed her back, and his hands crept up her sides to rest just above her hips. Her tongue brushed against his while they kissed, and set off more explosions in his brain. It might have been seconds and it might have been years later when their lips parted and he panted for air.

"Wow." He breathed.

"I want you too Harry." She whispered. "Are you still going to marry me?"

“Soon as we’re able. We can start planning it out when we get back if you want.” Harry couldn’t stop his happy smile if he wanted to.

Hermione opened her mouth to answer, but Spiff spoke instead.

“There you have it ladies and gentlemen, absolute unstoppability, invincible godlike immortality, and a few ovver bits and bobs to guarantee irrepressible dominion over all! Perfectly Balanced, I give it walking gods wreathed in power out of ten! Oh Harbour Opener...” Spiff chuckled. “What an absolute marvel of a game, I love it, I absolutely love it. Oh we’re going to have so much fun...”

Then Spiff was gone again.

Harry looked to Hermione, but she had turned to look past him, across the creek. “We should do something about that.” She said.

Harry turned to look, and sure enough the Dementors swirled around the other version of him as he lay on the ground, clearly going unconscious.

“Right.” Harry said, and pulled out his wand. “Carpe retractum!”

“Carpe Retractum!” Hermione said beside him, her own wand out and pointed at another Dementor.

For some strange reason, the Dementors did nothing but try to attack the other version of Harry and Sirius. He was fairly certain it was another version of Sirius, since he was supposed to be in the south of Spain just then. Either way, because none of them fled, he and Hermione eventually snagged them all.

As soon as the last one had been absorbed, the hippogryph who had been standing quietly beside them picked Hermione up by the back of her robes in its beak and placed her on its back. Harry had time to register the surprised look on her face before it did the same thing to him, and placed him in front of Hermione.

Hermione’s arms immediately clamped around his ribs like a vise, and the hippogrpyh took six charging steps as its wings beat before they were in the air. Harry could feel Hermione’s face buried in his back, and he reached down to pat her thigh to let her know it was alright.

The hippogryph hovered near one of the high towers back at Hogwarts, its wings beating in place, and pointed with its beak at a stained-glass window.

Was there something behind the window?

Carefully, Harry transfigured a small door below the window, and opened it. Inside a bare stone room, was another version of Sirius! How many versions of him were there!?

This Sirius gawped at them through the door.

“Well come on then!” Harry whisper-shouted, “The hippogryph waits for no man!”

Sirius grinned, and scrambled to the door. He sat with his legs dangling out of the tower, at a loss for how to get onto the beast, until Hermione levitated his trousers - with him in them - onto the hippogryph behind her.

Harry transfigured the door back to solid stone, and then the hippogryph took off again. They landed between the lake and the forest, where everyone dismounted. Sirius hugged Harry and Hermione, then mounted the hippogryph again and the both of them flew toward the full moon, out over the forest.

“Well, that was... different.” Hermione said.

Harry laughed and wrapped an arm around her. “If I finally got to kiss you, I don’t care how weird it was. You are absolutely worth it.”

Hermione smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his middle again. “Does... that mean we get to keep kissing?”

“I would be the luckiest bloke in the world to be your boyfriend, Hermione. Can I?” He bit his lip in anticipation of her answer.

She squeezed him and squealed at the same time. “Eeeeeee! What a brilliant night! Boyfriend and Girlfriend! Snogging and cuddling and everything!” She let go of his ribs and grabbed his head to press her mouth against his again.

When she let him go minutes later, he was lightheaded and more certain than he’d ever been. “Definitely want to marry you soon as we can.” He whispered.

They walked back to the castle with one arm around each other, and both grinning smugly and happily. They went back under the cloak to get back to their dorm, and had a quick kiss before they separated for the night.

In the morning they greeted each other with another kiss, and were immediately surrounded by wolf whistles and snide comments of every stripe. Neither Harry nor Hermione cared even a jot. They were together, and they were happy. Everyone else could go suck a lemon drop. They walked hand in hand from the common room to the Great Hall for breakfast, and were followed by a few of the younger Gryffindors as they whispered amongst themselves and occasionally tittered.

Harry had known there would be gossip, there was always gossip, but he hadn’t expected Hermione to get death glares from other girls.

“It’s alright, Harry.” Hermione whispered. “Let them be jealous, I already know how lucky I am to be your girlfriend, and their hate only makes me more smug.” She pecked a kiss on his cheek as she finished.

“Is that what that is?” Harry asked back, incredulous. “If they wanted to be my girlfriend so bad, why didn’t any of them let me know about it? I don’t understand that at all.”

Hermione shrugged. “No-one accused witches and wizards of having common sense.”

Harry reached over and pecked her on the cheek. “Just you.”

She shoved his shoulder with her own, but Harry could see her smile, and her cheeks went pink. It put a warm, sunshiney feeling in his chest, and he was certain that he would never forget that sight.

“Congratulations.” Neville said from across the table. “I hope you’re both very happy.”

“Thanks Nev.” Harry grinned back, “I know I am.”

“We are.” Hermione corrected.

Harry smiled at his girlfriend, and at his friends. He could hear Weasley and Finnegan discussing boobs again farther up the table, but deliberately tuned them out.

“Fancy a walk ‘round the lake after breakfast?” He asked Hermione.

“Lovely.” She answered with a smile, “That should put us back here in time to pack and get to Hogsmeade for the train.”

Harry nodded, and then spoke to Nev. “We’ll see you on the train if we don’t before.” He smiled, and Neville grinned and nodded back.

The lake was mostly quiet in the springtime sunshine. The giant squid swam about lazily, occasionally reaching tentacles out of the water to wave them as though it was saying goodbye. Halfway through the walk Hermione pushed Harry’s back up against a tree and leaned against him while she snogged him half to death. When she’d finally had her fill, she relaxed against him.

“I... sorry Harry, I just... I like your touch and kissing so much, I just crave it. Maybe I am a wanton hussy like the girls say, but I just can’t get enough of you.” She looked up at him with an apologetic, sheepish look. “If you don’t like it, please just say so, I would hate to make you uncomfortable.”

Harry laughed. “You might make your dad uncomfortable. Maybe your mum, but me never. I’m... I’m a little afraid if I’m honest about wanting you too much, I don’t want to hurt you either. Being touched in a nice way is really new for me, and I like it a lot, I don’t want to want too much in case you get bored of me being needy.” He hugged her tightly to him.

“Never.” She looked into his eyes. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

“Then we feel the same.” He smiled back.

She hugged him tightly as well, and then sighed as she let go. She took a step back, still holding his hand in hers, and Harry was happy to contnue their walk.

“I can’t wait to tell mum and dad everything about this year.” She squeezed his hand. “Well, about winning the tournament, and about us.”

“I’m a bit scared of telling your mum and dad about us. It’s one thing for me to think I don’t deserve you, but to hear it outright from -”

“Harry!” She slapped his shoulder. “You do! Of course you do! I feel like I don’t deserve you either, and if my dad has a problem with it then he can just not come to the wedding.”

“That would suck. I like your parents.” Harry said sadly.

“Anyway, there’s no point getting nervous about it, we’ll deal with it when we come to it. I want to be with you for the rest of my life Harry Potter, understand?”

Harry considered it, and then shook his head. “No, I don’t honestly.” He said, and then smiled at her. “But I trust you, and trust you’ll help me understand later.”

“Count on it.” She grinned, and kissed him again.

They arrived back at the castle with twenty minutes to spare, and caught one of the carriages to Hogsmeade with Justin and two of the first year Hufflepuffs neither Harry nor Hermione remembered the names of.

Neville had saved them seats in the cabin with Sue and Hannah, and once the train was under way they left the door open for everyone to mingle. They wished everyone a brilliant summer, even Draco though he looked like he was about to say some nasty things. He stopped before he did say anything, and nodded before walking off again.

“Wanker.” Sue commented after he’d gone.

The rest of the trip was happy, and when the train stopped in London it did so to lively conversation and laughter. Everyone said their proper summer goodbyes, and Hermione practically dragged Harry through the barrier to where her parents were waiting patiently.

“Mum! Dad!” She said straight away as she stopped in front of them and bounced excitedly. She held up Harry’s hand in hers, and pointed to them. “Boyfriend!” She said, “Girlfriend!”

Hermione’s father assumed a face like he’d taken a big bite out of a very overripe lemon, and sighed mightily. He reached for his back pocket and took out his wallet, from which he extracted a crisp new hundred quid note, and held it out to his wife.

She patted his cheek, pocketed the money, and then engulfed Hermione in a hug. “Well done, honey.” She said softly. “Definitely a keeper.”

Then she straightened again, and engulfed Harry in a hug as well. “Well done, son.” She said softly. “Welcome to the family.”

Chapter Text

They stopped at Whitehall before leaving the city, and Harry visited Reggie with the year’s potions to be regraded. Reggie let him know that there had been invisible Aurors inside the potions classroom that year, and that a case against professor Snape was being assembled.

Harry thanked Reggie twice, and got his receipt before saying he had to go since his girlfriend and her parents were waiting. Reggie simply laughed, and then waved goodbye.

Harry, Hermione, and her parents all spent two wonderful weeks in Greece where Ed Granger looked queasy most of the time thanks to Hermione’s choice of swimwear. It was funny, the happier Harry looked, the worse mister Granger looked.

Hermione’s mum, on the other hand, instructed them both to ignore her husband since he was just dealing with the fact that his baby girl was growing up and had mostly finished the job.

Harry and Hermione finished their summer homework in the first week as they sat on the sunny patio and held hands whilst they studied. Audrey made sure to get several quality snaps to remember it by. She also included a lot of snaps of them snogging, since Hermione couldn’t go an hour without pouncing on him.

Mister Granger actually apologized to him for it.

“Sorry Harry,” He said with a sardonic grin, “We weren’t sure if Hermione would be like that or not, but apparently she did inherit her mother’s affection aggressive tendancies.”

That earned him a swat from his wife, along with a sheepish “Shut it, you.”

Mister Granger laughed, and then they kissed. Harry could tell they were teasing each other, and thought that if he and Hermione ended up half as cool and lovely as her parents, that would be a great life. He would be very happy with that.

When they returned to the Grangers’ home, Harry tucked his trunk in their shed in the back garden. He and Hermione spent some of every day jogging to their local sport centre and lido for a swim. Harry got much better at swimming, and when there were only a few people about, didn’t bother with his shirt. He still felt a little uncomfortable with his scars visible, but he also noticed that Hermione tended to be extra ravenous for affection afterward.

After he’d been with the Grangers for a week, Harry remembered he’d made an offer to Hermione to view his vault, so he suggested they go and get their school supplies that weekend. It would avoid the rush at the end of summer as well, so Harry thought it was a double-win.

Hermione was nowhere near as fond of the Goblin Coaster of Certain Doom as Harry was.

“It’s not as fun going back up, so don’t worry.” He tried to soothe her terror as they got off the cart. She had a death grip on his hand, but he didn’t mind.

“FUN?!” She whisper-shouted whilst her eyes bugged out at him.

Harry shrugged. “It’s the same thing as flying I guess. I love it.”

Hermione shook her head and muttered about breaking his neck. Whether she was talking about him falling and breaking his neck or her breaking his neck he wasn’t sure.

When Carvebone opened his vault for him again, Harry waited until the goblin left before he pulled the door open to show Hermione. He opened it just enough for them to get in, and then closed it when they were.

“Well, it’s certainly a wall of gold.” Hermione said as she looked up toward the top of it.

Harry laughed. “No perspective from here. Come on.” He grinned at her and climbed the inside of the door like he had before. Hermione clambered up next to him, and then turned to look out over the vast sea of gold.

“Harry!” She breathed, “Holy cricket...” Her eyes were large and her face slack as she took the sight in.

“You can’t imagine how happy I was to see it the first time.” He said. “It was like looking at an ocean of guaranteed freedom. After being locked in a cramped cupboard for ten years... It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”

Hermione reached out and put her hand on his cheek as water filled her eyes. Harry nuzzled into her hand for a second, and then kissed her. “Now you are.” He grinned, “Come on.” He leapt off the door and slid down the mountain of coins with a laugh.

Hermione grinned and followed him, though a little too perfectly. She slid down the hill directly on top of him, where they both had a laugh and a quick snog.

“So as you can see, we never have to even ask if we can afford anything, and we never have to work. We can just spend all day learning magic and making new spells or traveling and things. We could make our own island if we really wanted to. We could even go absolutely bonkers with extension charms and have our own entire world. Or! We could figure out a way to connect houses on different continents and have a sprawling complex with weather to suit the mood. Without using the floo, I mean.”

Hermione helped him to his feet. “I think I like that last idea best for right now. We- well, when we’re finished school - we could buy a house for us and just connect it to Mum and Dad’s by a cupboard door or something. Like the wardrobe in Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe! I love that idea! We’d have to put an alarm charm on it though to warn us when they’re coming through.”

Harry grinned at her excitement. “Perfect. I still want to try making my own island, but we can put that off until later, and just add it to the network after.”

“I think that would make a wonderful Mastery project.” Hermione grinned back at him.

“No reason to wait that long, we could start looking into the magic behind making the doors work right now.” Harry said as they climbed into the cart and it took them back to where they’d started.

“We could use that as extra credit for ancient runes class as well!” She took his face in her hands and kissed him soundly, and Harry suppressed a grin that her own excitement was keeping her from being horrified by the Goblin Coaster return trip.

Hermione’s parents were confused by her excitement until Harry told them they thought of a new project to research, and then were boggled by the details of the project itself. Ed and Audrey both made Harry promise to pull Hermione’s head out of the books once in a while and remember they existed, and Harry assured them he would never forget them.

The night before they were due to go back to Kings Cross for the train back to school, as Harry and Hermione relaxed inside his trunk and read books to help their research, Dobby appeared without a sound in front of them. He fell to his knees and put his face on the floor with his arms straight out, palms down.

“Dobs? What’s with the prostrating, mate?” Harry asked with a frown.

“Dobby is not worthy, O Lord! Dobby must kneel before Unlimited Master and Mistress!”

Hermione got a thundering frown at that.

Harry frowned as well. “Dobby, please stop all that. Nothing has changed except we got a magical boost. I’m still just Harry, and she’s still just Hermione. Please stand up and relax, you’re making us uncomfortable with all this.”

“Dobby, we’re still just your friends. Well, Harry’s your family, I won’t get to be family until later.” Hermione said.

Dobby stood up slowly, though he kept his eyes averted from them.

“Please just relax, Dobs.” Harry pleaded. “Is there something wrong?”

Dobby shook his head, and then nodded. “No but yes, Great Master Harry Potter Sir. Great Master asked Dobby to let him know if there were more elves...”

“Right!” Harry agreed, “I did! Can we help then?”

“Dobby thinks so, Master Harry. Winky received clothes from her family. She is staying at Hogwarts, but she is not bonding to Hogwarts, so Winky will be slowly dying. All she does is glugglug the butterbeers, Master Harry. Winky will not be lasting long and Dobby is wondering if Master Harry can accept Winky.”

Harry looked over to Hermione with raised eyebrows, and she nodded back. “If we can save her...” She stopped talking as she got a faraway look on her face, and then snapped back to attention. “Harry! We’re not limited anymore!” She giggled gleefully and shook her fists.

“So that’s a yes to Winky?” Harry asked, wondering where she was going with it.

“No! Yes! Of course we’ll take Winky! Don’t you see, Harry!? We can bond them all! Every last House Elf! They can get their magic from us so they don’t have to bond to wankers like Malfoy! We can provide what they need to live so they can just go do whatever they want! We can free them to live their own lives, and we won’t even notice a drain on our magic!”

Harry smiled at Hermione, and leaned over to give her a quick kiss. “Have I mentioned how brilliant you are?”

Hermione beamed back at him, and Harry turned to Dobby.

“Freedom Officer Dobby, your new mission is to bring us every House Elf or really even just any being like you who needs magic to live so that we can provide that for them. Starting with Winky, of course. Would you do that for us please?”

Dobby’s eyes went twice as large as normal while Harry talked, and he hopped in place with excitement. “Dobby will be right back with Winky!” He said, and vanished only to reappear seconds later with a drunk-looking House Elf. Winky tried to straighten up, but she wavered dizzily as she stood.

Having discussed the procedure for bonding Dobby with Harry before he attempted it, Hermione knew in theory how it was done. Even though her intentions were to give liberty and quality of life to every enslaved House Elf everywhere, she found the prospect of actually bonding one daunting. Harry saw her hesitation, and reached over to rub her shoulder.

“I can do it if you don’t want to.” He said quietly, “They’re all going to be ours after we’re married anyway.”

She was sorely tempted to let him, but looked over at him with a soft smile instead and shook her head. She took a deep breath, then faced Winky again.

“Winky, would you like to be part of my family?” She asked.

Winky’s reaction was immediate, but instead of jumping up and down with joy the way Dobby had, Winky put her forearm over her eyes and began to bawl and cry loudly. “Winky is bad elf!” She wailed, “Winky was given clothes! Winky doesn’t deserve anything but badness! Winky is all bad all the time!”

Hermione shot a heartbroken look at him before she got off the sofa and knelt to embrace Winky. Winky was shocked at first, and then clung to Hermione’s shirt whilst she sobbed her heart out. Hermione just held her gently and patted her back.

“Winky isn’t really a bad elf, is she Dobby?” Harry asked.

Dobby shook his head. “Winky worked for bad mister Crouch. Bad mister Crouch made Winky look after young bad mister Crouch for years and years, and then when young bad mister Crouch escaped and got away from bad mister Crouch, bad mister Crouch blamed Winky when it was bad mister Crouch’s fault. Bad mister Crouch gave poor Winky clothes when Winky did everything she was asked. Winky is a good elf.”

Winky’s tears had begun to subside, but after Dobby’s explanation, she sobbed harder. “No Winky is baaadd!”

“I don’t think so.” Hermione said warmly, and dabbed Winky’s tears with a tissue. “Why don’t you join our family and prove you’re a good elf?”

Winky looked up at Hermione with huge eyes and a trembling lower lip. “Winky doesn’t deserve Mistress.” She said quietly.

Hermione looked over at Harry, clearly unsure what to do or say, so Harry leaned over and whispered in her ear. Hermione’s smile returned, and she turned back to Winky.

“Come join my family, Winky. You let me worry about deserve. If I think you need it, I’ll punish you with payment and days off.”

Winky sniffed. “Mistress will make sure to punish bad Winky?”

Hermione nodded. “Whenever I think you deserve it.”

Winky nodded. “Winky will join then.”

Hermione put her hand on Winky’s head and thought about accepting her into her magic.

Winky immediately stiffened, her eyes bugged out, and she collapsed in a heap.

“What happened?! Is she alright?!” Hermione started to freak out.

Dobby just stepped forward and put his hand on Winky’s arm. “Winky will be fine.” He said. “Same thing happened to Dobby months ago when Great Master Harry gained all the magics. Winky is just not used to having all the magic she can.”

Hermione calmed down after she heard that, but Harry frowned.

“Dobby, you know I don’t like being called master. It makes me feel like I’m hurting you. I just want to be your friend, can you stop calling me master please?”

Dobby’s chin trembled as well, but he held back his tears. “Dobby will try, mas - friend Harry.”

Harry smiled at that. “That’s much better Dobby, thank you. I could handle being called Friend anytime.”

Winky woke up a few minutes later, and immediately flopped herself onto her face the way Dobby had. “Winky didn’t know Great Mistress was Great Mistress! Please forgive Winky for hesitating!”

Hermione frowned then, and she, Harry, and Dobby spent half an hour explaining things to Winky just as they had with Dobby. She seemed to understand, but still felt she was completely unworthy, so Hermione was forced to give her the next day off so she could calm down and recover from being drunk and get used to the idea of having a friend instead of an owner.

Harry and Hermione handed out everyone’s re-graded Potions marks on the train, and when it pulled in to Hogsmeade, Amelia was waiting for Harry.

“Mister Potter, if I might have a word?” She asked. Harry figured it had to be official business, since she didn’t call him Harry. He reached out and took Hermione’s hand, however.

“Madam Bones, this is Hermione Granger, the most brilliant witch on the planet. Hermione, Madam Bones. I have no secrets from Hermione, madam Bones, and she might be able to help with whatever the issue is.”

Hermione had to repress a smile toward Harry whilst madam Bones nodded at Hermione.

“I was going to ask if you know where Sirius Black is, or how to get a message to him.” Amelia said. “Nothing secret, unless you count his location a secret. It is for a business issue, however, hence the formality.”

“I figured it was something like that.” Harry smiled back at her. “Dobby?”

Dobby appeared silently next to him. “Yes Mas- er, friend Harry?”

Harry grinned at Dobby. “Madam Bones is looking for Sirius, would you consent to delivering messages between them?”

Dobby grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “Dobby would love to!”

“Thanks Dobby.” Harry put a hand on Dobby’s shoulder. “You’re the best.” Then he turned to madam Bones. “Will that suffice?”

“Excellent, thank you mister Potter. And thank you, Dobby.” She smiled. “Sadly, I don’t have time to chat, so good luck with the coming year.”

Harry smiled back. “You too, Amelia. Stay safe.”

She chuckled slightly at that. “Do my best.” She disapparated with a soft pop.

During the Welcome Feast they received a startling announcement, they had a new Potions professor and head of Slytherin, a mister Dedalus Diggle.

Harry had never heard of the man before, but Hermione said she read that he was an associate of the headmaster's for a long time. They both hoped that he could be trusted to grade their potions properly, but only time would tell.

The instant the welcome feast was over and they were on their way to the dorms, the questions about Defense Club started.

"Defense Club is still on, right?"

"Can I join Defense Club?"

"Is the end of year tourney happening this year?"

Hermione started to answer, but was drowned out by the flood of voices.

"OI! SHUT IT!" Harry yelled.

There was near-instant silence, and the mood turned hesitant. Nobody had ever heard Harry shout before, and most were unsure how to take it.

"Thank you Harry." Hermione smiled at him, "We've not even got to our dorm yet, we've not discussed anything, we'll leave a notice posted here in the Great Hall tomorrow morning." She told everyone. "If you have questions afterward, show up to a Defense Club meeting and someone will be able to answer."

"Love the enthusiasm but keep it civil, alright? Bunch of savages." Harry added in a sardonic tone when she was finished. The crowd relaxed then, apparently relieved Harry wasn't cross.

The next morning as soon as they stepped away from the notice they posted, it was swarmed by most of the students present.

There was a new Defense Club night for the new first years, which meant Defense Club was running four nights a week, but other than that there wasn't anything different from previous years.

Things settled into their usual rhythm after that, until Thursday morning Potions class.

"Apparently it was a close thing," Hermione explained as they walked toward the Potions classroom, "The Board of Governors and the entire Wizarding Examinations Authority all demanded his immediate sacking. The headmaster stood up for him, but neither the Board of Governors nor the M.E.A. were inclined to keep him either, so in the end the headmaster only saved his own job by letting Snape go."

"Should have got rid of beardy too." Harry grumbled.

"I shouldn't be surprised if Gran is still trying." Neville added, "She never liked him, and after learning what a crap job he's done as headmaster, well. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes."

"Let's hope so." Harry grinned at Nev.

They arrived in the classroom and took their usual seats. Professor Diggle was punctual, and locked the door behind him to keep out anyone who was tardy.

"Potter, switch places with Malfoy." He ordered in a clipped, no-nonsense tone.

Harry looked at Hermione, and with a sigh picked up his bag to go sit next to Pansy. For some reason, Pansy looked quite pleased with the change and shifted her chair closer after Harry sat down.

"Right, turn to page two hundred three." The professor said, and began to write instructions on the board. When he finished, he turned back around to look directly at Harry. "How many stirs in which direction, Potter?" He demanded.

Harry looked at the text to find the answer, but Diggle didn't like that.

"Answer now, Potter! Not next week! Ten points from Gryffindor for not doing the reading!" He spat.

Harry remained calm and let Diggle's Snape imitation roll off his back for the first half of the class. Then the quiet atmosphere was shattered by a resounding SMACK, and Malfoy landed in the aisle between desks and held his face whilst he wailed like a spanked toddler.

"Granger! Fifty points from Gryffindor!" Diggle yelled.

"He was touching my behind!" Hermione yelled back.

"Then you should've been thankful a pureblood would deign to do so!" Diggle retorted.

That was enough for Harry.

He packed up his things, and waited for Hermione to do the same whilst Diggle hurled abuse at the both of them.

Once clear of the classroom, Harry put his arm around her shoulders. "We're done here." He said. "No way are we staying after that."

"Good." She replied. "I think if we stayed I would be inclined to take magic away from a lot of people, starting with Malfoy and Diggle."

"Then the headmaster and most of the wizengamot." Harry agreed. "We shouldn't have to be forced into removing everyone's magic just to have a decent place to live. I think I hear Milan calling us instead. "

"Yes!" Hermione grinned, "I love the views. The Accademia looked to be a solid choice as well, though that matters less."

"Right, we'll head to your parents' house, let them know, and then grab a portkey to go house hunting. How's that sound?"

Hermione stopped walking, and he stopped as well as she turned to face him. "Thank you Harry." Tears began to well in her eyes. "Being touched by that filth..."

"Is never going to happen again. The only reason I didn't beat him to a pulp is because you're more important, and I know you could beat him to a pulp before I ever had anything to do with it."

They hugged each other tightly, and Hermione said "Damn right." into his neck.

Hermione's parents were of course at work, so she left them a note, but while she was writing it, Harry had a thought.

"This will be the first place the headmaster comes to find us." He said, "I'm going to go try some of the protections we learned this summer, put some heavy barriers over the house to keep him and other magicals from bothering your mum and dad."

"That's a good idea." She replied. "Thanks Harry."

Harry cast protection spells like a bubble around the house, and then added something he came up with as he was doing it - and added an outer layer that absorbed incoming magic to make the protections stronger. He knew from their Defense texts that the fastest way to bring protections down was to batter them with spells. Now, if anyone tried that they would only be making the protections stronger.

"They might be able to get at Mum and Dad while they're at work too, can we do the same to their workplace?" Hermione bit her lip in worry.

"Absolutely." Harry grinned.

With Hermione guiding them, Dobby and Winky apparated them to Hermione's parents' workplace, where they set up the same protections on the building and the Granger vehicle. It didn't take long, and when they finished they returned to the Granger residence to make sure everything was locked up.

When Hermione finished making sure the house was in order and all her necessary things were packed, she locked the door behind them and Dobby and Winky took them directly to the Ministry for a portkey.

They arrived in the magical section of Milan, and spent a lovely afternoon viewing villas in the area. At first Hermione was shocked bug-eyed by the prices, but then asked what the conversion rate was, and quite calmed down. It turned out a single galleon was worth over eleven thousand of the Italian Lire. That pulled the prices down quite a bit once she did the maths. They were all still expensive, but not astronomically so.

Harry quite liked one of the 'historical homes' they were shown, and when Hermione confirmed it was the nicest one they'd seen, Harry told the nice and very patient estate agent that they'd take it. He also asked her to purchase the villa three doors down that they'd seen was for sale.

Hermione frowned at that. "Why?" She asked.

"So you and your parents have somewhere to live. We can't live together here until after we get married, right?" He answered.

Hermione pouted. "Oh yeah."

Dobby and Winky were extremely helpful and kind in transporting their things to the new villas, which left Harry and Hermione free to visit the Accademia di Eccellenza Magica di Milano and enroll for the current year.

Once that was done they vistied Banca Gringott and got everything settled with their new school fees and property taxes.

They attended their first day of classes at their new school the next day, and both of them enjoyed every class. The library was huge and organized and decorated beautifully, but they did have a nice new villa, and Dobby and Winky were waiting for them, so they eventually went home.

After dinner, as Hermione smiled around a mouthful of tiramisu, they both looked at each other as the Spiffing voice reached their ears.

“Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen to Harbour Opener's new exploitfest - I mean early access game, The Magicking World. It's so broken. I love it so much. So far in vis playfrough we've accomplished infinite wealth, immortality, limitless magic power, and a host of ovver fun little exploits that have taken our beautiful, horribly abused and neglected little orphan sausage and transformed him - and his love interest - into unearthly walking gods wreathed in unending power and majesty. However, as this is a good stopping point for vis video, I'll be ending things here. There are no more exploits to show you from here on, just a mighty path of destruction and upheaval the likes of which the poor developers at Harbour Opener tremble to contemplate. Oh, and War Crimes. Oh Yes, so many War Crimes.

Anyway, that's for another video, it's my job to give you the tools you need to utterly destroy your playfroughs, and I've done that. The rest is going to be up to you majestic tea drinkers. I’ll be ending the video here, so don’t forget to leave a like, comment and subscribe to the channel, and if you’re especially fantastic, you could even join and donate.

“As always, I’m the Spiffing Brit, see you in the next video!”

And then he was gone.

Harry’s insides went cold as he realized his best friend was saying goodbye.

“No!” He pleaded, and looked to Hermione, but she already had moisture in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

“Maybe we’ll see him again sometime?” She said optimistically. “Even if we don’t,” She switched her hands to his arms and leaned back to look into his eyes. “Even if we don’t, Harry, you know that he cares. He gave us these wonderful gifts, and we’ll use them in his honour, won’t we.”

Harry’s chin began to scrunch up as he thought of never hearing Spiff again, but he calmed almost immediately. “You’re right, of course. I owe it to him to be the best I can be, to use what he’s given us the best we can.” He kissed Hermione again. “I’m so happy you’re with me, Hermione.”

"Me too, Harry." She hugged him again, and they just held each other for a while, both unwilling to give up the warm closeness.

"It was Spiff who said I should get you something for your birthday when I was in Diagon that first time." Harry admitted. "Hagrid's idea what to get, but Spiff's advice."

"Then I have something else to thank him for too. That meant a lot to me." She said softly. "Even so, it's you I like, Harry. You're my boyfriend."

Harry smiled at that, knowing it was him and not things he'd done at Spiff's advisement that she liked. He felt that strange gravity again, as his face and Hermione's fell slowly closer together, and they shared a long, tender kiss.

Chapter Text

A grateful shout-out to Tyrannic_Puppy for ideas and reminding me not to rush things. Thanks. :)

Harry used the hour's time difference between London and Milan to purchase another trunk from mister Trubshaw, exactly the same as the one he already had, and copied the layout from his own trunk to the new one. Once that was done, he transferred everything from Luna's room to the corresponding room in the new trunk. He replaced the potions workstations and the ingredients, which made the nice lady at the apothecary very happy. He even copied the potions books and the gym equipment.

With all that finished, he walked over to Gringott's and sat down in the lobby.

"Dobby!" He called quietly.

Dobby appeared almost instantly, with his incessant eager little smile. "What can Dobby do for Mas- Friend Harry?"

"Unless she's in class, please quietly kidnap Luna and bring her here?"

Dobby nodded and popped away.

Several of the people in line at the bank began to stare at him, so Harry pointedly ignored them. Thankfully, Dobby arrived with Luna only a few minutes later.

"Harry!" Luna smiled, "This a strange surprise."

"Kind of a sad one as well." Harry held out the new trunk to Luna, and she took it from him with a confused frown. "Hermione and I are moving to Italy." He explained, "You can still write any time, and I have no doubt we'll see each other on holidays and such, but Hogwarts is just too stupid for us to stay. So, because I didn't want to interrupt potions practice or Defense Club or anything, I hoped you'd keep the spirit alive so to speak. I moved everything from your room in my trunk to your room in your trunk, so there you go. You might want to leave it in the room all the time, or maybe get Neville to carry it back and forth in case you get locked out of your dorm again."

"I would much rather have my friends." Luna replied with a sad smile.

"You still do, of course." He smiled back, more upbeat than he actually felt, "Just not every day at school. Come on, one last thing to do and the reason I asked Dobby to bring you." He held out his hand, and Luna gladly held it as he gently pulled her into the queue.

"What is the last thing?" She asked.

"Neither Hermione nor I will have anything to do with Hogwarts anymore, but we both wanted the end of year tournament to still have its prizes, so we agreed you would be the best person to oversee the handling of the prizes. The trophies themselves will still come to me, but it will be no hardship to come see you and pass them on." Harry smiled at her.

Luna bit her lip as her eyes went misty. "Why me?" She asked softly.

"Truthfully, it was a close thing between you and Nev. We know you'd both be extremely fair and honourable, and genuinely enjoy the tournament for what it is, win or lose. We chose you because this way you're in control of who can enter the trunk, and anybody with something mean to say to you can find themselves shut out. We also know that anyone blowing sunshine up your skirt just to get in will be seen through immediately. That part Nev isn't so great at just yet."

She grinned back at him then. "I think he'd be cute in a skirt."

Harry winced as that image assaulted his mind. "That's between you and him, Luna. I don't want to know."

Luna giggled.

When it was their turn at the counter, they opened a new vault with Luna as the only person who could access it, and then Harry transferred a hundred thousand galleons into it.

When Luna turned a shocked frown on him, he just smiled. "Enough to fund the tournament for a few years, and some... discretionary funds, to be used as you see fit." He grinned.

"Harry!" Luna admonished, "You shouldn't be so frivolous with your -"

"Hermione already agreed." Harry interrupted her, knowing Luna was parroting Hermione, thinking he was acting on his own.

"Oh." She relaxed. "Well if she already said it was alright..."

"She did. No doubt you'll talk to her about it the next time we get to see you." Harry grinned a huge smug grin.

"Well thank you. Please make sure you thank Hermione for me as well. I'll write, but it's not the same."

"No, that's true. Dobby! We'll still have holidays though." Harry knelt to ask Dobby to return Luna when he popped in next to them.

He kept smiling until they were gone, and then sagged with a heavy sigh. "Winky!"

Once back home, the first thing he did was hug Hermione until he felt a little better.

There was a very long conversation after Dobby and Winky fetched Hermione's parents from England. They had both always wanted to live somewhere warm and exotic like Italy, but couldn't get over the fact of learning another language whilst starting over from nothing. So, over the next week, Harry and Hermione with the help of their new runes teacher, created small amulets for Ed and Audrey with Italian translation charms embedded so they could speak and understand the language. That, combined with Harry's happily funding their relocation, resulted in Ed and Audrey moving into their villa the day after the translation amulets were finished and confirmed working. As soon as they were settled, Harry and Hermione set about magically protecting both villas.

That made Hermione much happier, and by extension Harry. It also made Ed and Audrey much happier, since their daughter's new school was a day school and they got to see her every day. Well, when she wasn't thoroughly stuck in the school library.

Life ticked on wonderfully until October thirty-first at dinnertime. They had just thanked Chef Winky for dinner and all sat down to eat, when Harry suddenly jerked upright.

"Harry, what is it?" Hermione asked, instantly worried.

"Some kind of binding magic is trying to attach itself to me. I can feel the dementor shield eating it, so it's not working." Harry answered. "There's a lot of it though, and it's making the dementor shield really happy. Oh, there's the last of it. No worries." Harry relaxed again with a smile. "I love that I don't have to worry about things like that anymore. Thanks Spiff."

Hermione smiled with relief and held his hand for a moment. "Thanks Spiff." She whispered.

"What's a Spiff?" Ed asked.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, and Hermione nodded encouragingly.

"Well..." Harry started, "It's hard to say for sure exactly what Spiff is, but it all started when I was in my cupboard before Hogwarts..."

Harry spilled the whole story, including the scary bits and both of them being dead, but after he got to the fact that both he and Hermione were immortal, that seemed to both freak out and relax her parents at the same time.

Most of that evening was taken up with explaining everything in detail, but once that was done Ed and Audrey seemed more than happy that they'd decided to leave Britain. Audrey felt it was a mature decision, and Ed agreed, though he admitted he understood the urge to stay and fight.

The next morning when Hermione retrieved her Daily Prophet from the Apparating Mailbox, she ran immediately to Harry's villa to show him the headline.

Goblet Of Fire Goes Out!

by Blattery Cockwomble

Yesterday at Hogwarts, an unexplained disaster occurred during the Choosing Of The Champions ceremony inaugurating the 144th Tri-wizard Championship. The Goblet of Fire gave three names for the three Champions chosen, Cedric Diggory for Hogwarts, Viktor Krum for Durnstrang, and Fleur Delacour for Beauxbatons.

The cup then flared a fourth time and spat out a fourth name, Harry Potter! Headmaster Dumbledore called out Harry Potter's name knowing that Harry Potter was not present since the Boy-Who-Fled had left Hogwarts and Britain weeks earlier. Moments after his name was called, the Goblet itself sputtered and flared and seemed to be fighting a violent magical battle. Then there was a huge flash of fire from the Goblet, and the eternal flames winked out! The scrap of paper held by the headmaster of Hogwarts crumbled in his hand and became ash on the floor.

Tests on the Goblet of Fire revealed that the powerful ancient artefact contains no magic whatsoever. All traces of magic in the Goblet have vanished. At this point there are far more questions than answers, but this reporter will stay on the case and deliver those answers as they become available.

For more about the Tri-Wizard Championship, turn to page 4.

For more about the Goblet of Fire, turn to page 8.

For more about the fleeing of Harry Potter, turn to page 14.

Harry started laughing.

"The poor headmaster probably entered my name trying to get me back to Hogwarts under his thumb." He chuckled. "Only to have his plan backfire and get stuck trying to explain it."

"Maybe we should see about getting Italian citizenship sooner rather than later." Hermione said with a frown.

"That's a great idea." Harry confirmed. We should skip off to Palazzo Montecitorio after classes today, and see what we can accomplish. For your parents too."

"Good." She agreed. "That's a plan."

As it turned out, the Italian Magical Government had heard that Harry had switched schools and bought properties in Milan, and had arranged the proper parchmentwork on the off chance he stopped in. The citizenships for all four of them were arranged, approved, and notarized that afternoon, after a quick visit with the Italian 'Minister for the Minority'.

Four days later, they received their citizenship papers in the mail, and Harry had a visitor.

"Sirius!" Harry shouted with glee as he saw the man standing just outside the protections.

"Harry!" Sirius grinned back at him. "I like your new digs."

"Me too." Harry waved his wand to adjust the protections to allow Sirius in.

They shook hands, and Sirius gave him a clap on the shoulder. "Good to see you, Harry. Sadly, I wish I came with better news."

That made Harry frown. "If it's about the Goblet of Fire thing, Hermione and I had a good laugh over it, no harm done."

Sirius shook his head sadly. "No, this is... well, let's get inside and make sure there aren't any hidden ears."

Sirius cast a few detection spells when they were inside the living room, and one of them Harry was unfamilar with, so Sirius taught it to him right then. Harry re-cast everything Sirius had with about twenty times the power, and Harry's new home registered clean of any listening charms or devices.

"Right." Sirius flopped on the sofa. "I've spent the last few weeks popping in and out of the Ministry - British Ministry that is - with Amelia Bones. She'd had some Aurors quietly nab old mate Snivellus – Snape - and he'd had quite a bit to say under Veritaserum. Turns out there was a prophecy about you and Moldyshorts. Snivellus heard part of it as it was being given, and ran to his master with it. That's what got your parents a visit from Voldywarts."

Harry sat down heavily. "A prophecy. Mum and Dad were murdered over a prophecy."

Sirius nodded sadly. "I have to admit, I went a little spare when I heard that. Luckily Amy was nice about it and didn't have me locked up. Anyway, as she knew some people in the Unspeakables, she went to inquire about the prophecy, since the Department of Mysteries documents and keeps all the prophecies that occur. Well, she got a look at the book that records them, and this particular one was given by Sybil Trelawney - who I understand is the Hogwarts divination professor - to Albus Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore? He KNEW?" Harry suddenly found a great deal of anger inside himself.

"Hold on to that anger for a bit, it gets worse." Sirius said darkly. "Apparently the Unspeakables had also been studying a black book that was seized in the Hogwarts raid. It turned out to be a container for a piece of a soul. Three guesses who the dark magic soul book belonged to."

"Wartyshorts?" Harry growled.

Sirius chuckled. "Wartyshorts. I like that one. Yep, got it in one. So when Amy told me about it, we figured that must be how he's accomplishing his so-called immortality."

"Because a bit of him was stuck in a book and kept the rest of him from passing on?" Harry guessed.

"Exactly." Sirius pointed at him. "So, long story short, Amy and the Unspeakables collaborated to devise a way to detect any other objects that Wartyshorts might have made. Amy tied that in to the magic detection grid, and wouldn't you know, there were four spots lit up like a beacon - one of them my own house!"

"You were living with a piece of -"

"Yeah, don't make a big deal out of it, I hated that place when I was growing up there, so I didn't notice hating it any more." Sirius pulled a grimace. "After I made the House Elf cough up the thing and brought it to Amy, we went about collecting the others as well, mostly successfully."

"Mostly?" Harry asked.

"It wasn't easy to get the goblins to give up the one in their vaults. Luckily, it turned out to be in my cousin's vault, so with some creative interpretation of contract law I had her declared a traitor and her possessions forfeit. Amy had a squad of Aurors smash a little shanty in Wales and pull out another, and the last one we can't seem to find. We know it's at Hogwarts, but even though there have been several searches for the item, we can't seem to find it."

"Have you asked the elves?" Harry suggested.

"I thought of that, I honestly did, but all the Hogwarts elves answer to Dumbledore, and that's exactly who we don't want getting wind of it." Sirius sighed.

"How about a former Hogwarts elf?" Harry grinned. "Dobby!"

Dobby appeared nearly instantly. "What can Dobby do for Ma... friend Harry?"

Harry explained the situation, and asked if Dobby knew of any place at Hogwarts where something could be hidden from people looking for it.

Dobby nodded. "The Come and Go room hides things. Many things."

"Brilliant, Would you do me a favour then and - just a sec." Harry took out his wand and transfigured one of the sofa cushions into a large sack and another into a long pair of tongs. "Would you grab the thing from the come and go room that stinks like it has a piece of Voldewart's soul in it and bring it here please?"

Dobby's eyes grew a bit larger at the request, but he nodded with a fierce expression once Harry was finished. "Dobby knows that stink. Dobby will be right back." He took the sack and the tongs, and disapparated.

"Tea?" Harry asked.

"Won't say no." Sirius replied with a grin.

Harry went to put the kettle on, and in no time they were enjoying a nice cuppa. Dobby returned after Harry sat back down, and held the sack out toward him in his oversized fist.

"Dobby is victorious!" He proclaimed.

Harry grinned, and patted him on the back. "Great job, Officer Dobby!"

Dobby surrendered the sack to Harry with a gravely proud expression before he popped away again.

Harry upended the sack onto the sofa between him and Sirius, and a beautiful platinum and sapphire tiara fell out to rest with a menacing quiet.

"Merlin's balls, I can feel the thing trying to make me put it on." Sirius edged further away from it. "Don't touch it, whatever -" He was stopped by Harry picking up the crown.

A hideous, pitiful shriek sounded as something black and twisted tried to flood out of the largest sapphire, only to be sucked forcibly into Harry's hand.

Sirius's eyes bugged out of his head as his expression turned horrified.

"What... What the ever loving balls was that?!" He gasped.

"It turns out I have the ability to suck bits of his soul out of things." Harry admitted. "I think it stems from having one attached to me until first year."

"Wait, you what?!" Sirius went from horrified to horrified and enraged.

"At the end of first year I found out that our Defense professor, Quirrell, had Voldiewarts in the back of his head. " Harry explained, "That was the first reason I had to not trust the headmaster, as there's no way he didn't know about it. Well, Voldiemuggins tried to use me to get the bait that the headmaster had for him, but when he touched me it burned him and sucked Voldie out of him."

It wasn't exactly a lie... more like a very abridged version. Maybe someday he'd tell Sirius about Spiff. He was on the short list after the Grangers - who they'd already told - but it was a fair way after the Grangers.

"You can... you can just suck him out of his objects?" Sirius got a strange half-confused, half-devious expression.

"Yeah." Harry confirmed. "No idea how or what happens to him, but yeah."

"Okay. I guess we'll have to bring you the other ones then." Sirius looked gravely at Harry. "I'm honestly not sure whether to be excited or sad that you have to be involved at all. I'm sorry Harry, you should never have had anything to do with any of this."

"Honestly the worst part of my entire life so far has been thanks to Dumbledore. He put me with Vernon and Petunia, he's the one who arranged or ignored all the dangers in the school, and the one who hired a Snape impersonator to replace Snape after he was fired. It's honestly really hard not to hate him outright." Harry frowned as he confided his feelings, and crossed his arms to prevent grumping any further.

"Would you mind if I borrowed Dobby at some point?" Sirius asked.

"Sirius! Dobby's a friend, not a toy that I own! You better not let Hermione hear you talking like that, you'll go home without your happysacks."

Sirius winced. "Alright, let me amend the question to 'Would you be willing to work your magic on the rest of the things Amy has collected'?"

"Sure." Harry agreed, "And I assume you'll ask Dobby to fetch them here at some point because you have some kind of sneaky plan."

Sirius shook his head defensively. " Devious . It's a devious plan. It involves subtlety and misdirection, not crayons and tiptoeing." Sirius pouted.

Dobby popped into existence again in front of them. "Dobby is willing, of course. Dobby gets to strike a blow against the nasty bad wizard! Dobby is just waiting for the chance!"

Sirius brightened considerably. "Thank you, Dobby. All you have to do is show up when I call and bring the trinkets to Harry. I will need to put them back again once they're... empty, of course, but it shouldn't be difficult." He turned to Harry. "You're sure you can do this for three more?"

Harry chose not to tell him that Hermione would probably empty two of them. It was only fair, after all. "Sure. I don't even feel it."

Sirius stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. "Probably something your mother did, if I had to guess. She constantly surprised us with what she could do."

Harry just shrugged.

"Well, I would like to stay longer, but I think I'd prefer to get this 'issue' dealt with, we can muck about after - and make no mistake, there will be copious amounts of mucking about."

Harry chuckled. "If you say so. I think you're just on about nude beaches again."

"I just might be!" Sirius grinned.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Alright, alright. I'll be off then." Sirius chuckled and clapped Harry on the shoulder. Harry saw him to the door, and watched him apparate away once he was outside the protections.

It was four days later - three and a half days after he'd told Hermione all about Sirius's visit - that Dobby appeared in front of Harry with the same sack and tongs.

"Right." Harry said, and excused himself from the table. Ed and Audrey looked on, though they didn't leave the table to join him like Hermione did.

He dumped the sack onto the floor, and a golden cup, a small gaudy ring, and an even gaudier locket came out.

Hermione picked up the cup straight away, which was accompanied by the same black cloud and horrifying shriek that happened when Harry had grabbed the tiara. Ed and Audrey bolted to their daughter, dinners forgotten, but she just smiled at them.

"No worries Mum, Dad. It's because we're breaking the enchantments that keeps the evil wanker from dying. Harry and I will be fine. We've done it before." She explained.

There was another shriek as Harry opened the locket, and then another as Hermione grabbed the ring.

"All done." Hermione said, and joined Harry in putting the things back in the sack. He handed it to Dobby, who then disapparated.

"And that should be the end of Wartyshorts." Harry said with a grin. "Sorry to interrupt dinner, we didn't have any way of knowing when the opportunity would happen."

"Wartyshorts." Hermione snickered. “Ew.”

"Well, I think that calls for a celebration, don't you?" Audrey asked. "Gelato and a movie downtown after dinner?"

"Yes!" Hermione shouted instantly.

The rest of dinner was all smiles, and downtown Milan had never seemed so bright or carefree once they arrived in the new Granger vehicle, a brand new BMW M5. Mint chocolate chunk gelato was procured, and Hermione grinned all the way to the theatre whilst she walked arm in arm with Harry as they ate.

Sirius bought himself a villa on the far side of the area, in an expensive neighborhood a month later, and was a regular visitor. When Christmas holidays rolled around, the Grangers, Harry and Sirius, Neville and his grandmother, and Luna and her father all went skiing in Switzerland for a week. Madam Longbottom wasn't interested in the slopes, but she did absolutely enjoy the simplified camera the Grangers loaned her, and she delighted in taking snaps of them as they skiied by. Mister Lovegood was especially prevalent in the pictures due to his enjoyment of the activity and robes and hat that he wore that made him look like the world's tallest ski elf.

Madam Longbottom chortled quietly to herself whenever those pictures were present, so Harry and Hermione made some of them into tree ornaments and gave them as gifts to the Longbottoms and the Lovegoods.

A week into the new year, Harry and Hermione were stunned by the appearance of Hanna and Susan and Daphne at their Italian school.

"Not that I'm not thrilled you're here, but why?" Hermione asked after exchanging joyous hugs with them.

Daphne and Hannah both turned to look at Susan.

"Auntie was none too pleased when you two left, so she started an investigation into why Diggle was acting like Snape." Susan explained, "Over the hols Auntie questioned him under veritaserum. Turned out Diggle was nothing like Snape at all, he was doing it on purpose because Dumbledore put him up to it. Apparently Dumbledore told him it was absolutely imperative that you two specifically be humiliated and demeaned."

"What?" Hermione frowned, "What reason could he possibly have for that?"

"What reason could he have to let a troll in?" Harry answered. "What reason could he have for letting Voldie in and baiting him and all the students with idiotically simple traps?"

Hermione relaxed then. "No, you're right. Nothing he's done makes any sense at all. He's apparently got some kind of agenda he isn't sharing with anyone. Has your aunt checked him for dementia?"

"Probably not, but it's a good idea." Susan grinned in return. "Even if he's all there, his actions paint him as a nutter, and that should give his supporters something to think about. I'll talk to Auntie about talking to the press."

Harry laughed at that. "Thanks for that."

He and Hermione showed the other girls around the school, including the library, and became frequent weekend visitors at each other's homes.

For his birthday, all three Grangers and Sirius took Harry to the Lumpinee stadium to watch some of the people he'd trained with in Thailand in professional fights. Harry absolutely loved it and yelled encouragement from the stands, not that he could be heard with everyone else doing the same.

For her birthday a few months later, her parents and Sirius got Hermione a five-star membership to the Library of Alexandria. Harry took her dancing in Rome. He thought he got the better part of that birthday gift, but nobody was complaining, not even Harry when he spent the next week with Hermione in the famous library, furiously scribbling notes while she quietly read things to him.

For Harry's sixteenth birthday, he got the best gift he could ever receive as Ed Granger walked his daughter down the aisle and stood by as they were married. All their friends from both schools turned up, and in many cases their parents as well. They reserved a seat for Spiff in the front row, and Mister Granger was very happy to defend it from people attempting to steal it.

The reception was grand and beautiful, and stayed a lovely party for almost two hours until it became clear that most of the students had enjoyed the champagne a little too much. On the up side, the elves snapping pics caught one of Neville and Luna snogging, so that was naturally framed and sent to both of them.

Harry and Hermione spent a month honeymooning at different locations around the world, and returned to school in September with smiles that nothing could shift.

When they finished school and graduated on to private projects, they enjoyed a relaxed and happy life with their friends and family. That's not to say there weren't times when they were forced to do things they didn't want to - but like Spiff said, that's another story.

The End.