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Hatboy

Summary:

Jeff "Joker" Moreau prepares to join Cerberus, but first he has to face his past.

Chapter 1: Goodbye, Hatboy

Summary:

Addison Shepard confronts Jeff "Joker" Moreau as he prepares to leave to join Cerberus, the people responsible for what happened to her on Akuze.

Notes:

TW/CW that there is implied/referenced alcoholism/alcohol abuse in this chapter for those that find that to be a sensitive topic.

Chapter Text

Chapter One

Goodbye, Hatboy


"Jeff?!"

The urgency in her voice was apparent, and only made more obvious by the footsteps that rushed across the small apartment, suddenly stopping at the doorway to the bedroom. His body stiffened with anticipation as the silence between them was only broken by her heavy breaths. Had she run the whole way here?

"Yeah, I'm in here Addie," he called out, picking up the last of his shirts and stuffing it carelessly into the duffel bag sitting open in front of him. "Guess you got my message," he mumbled under his breath. He was already starting to regret not waiting to send that message...

"Yeah, no shit, Jeff. Could you have been more vague? What do you mean you're leaving?" Addison's tone was steeped with sarcasm, which Jeff usually loved. This was different, harsher. He froze, his back still to her as she waited for his answer.

He'd almost made it. He'd almost managed to pack his bag before she arrived. He hadn't expected it to be this hard, but he knew he had to go. He couldn't let anything, or anyone, stop him.

Cerberus had promised they could do the impossible. They were bringing her back. He had to be there. After all... he was the reason she'd been lost in the first place. He owed her.


“Mayday, mayday, mayday! This is SSV Normandy. We’ve suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy.”

Pure, unadulterated panic had overtaken his body. He was running on autopilot, his hands flying across the controls that flickered in front of him. More muscle memory than anything in this state. He tried not to think about Pressly's body lying on the floor behind him, or the ensign that had tried to check on the navigator when he fell. He needed to focus on the ship. Everything else had faded into background noise as more and more alerts flashed in front of him.

"Jeff! What part of 'abandon ship' was confusing to you? We have to get out of here!"

Shepard was standing beside him, in a spot she'd occupied too many times to count. The circumstances had never been so dire.

This couldn't be happening.

"No, Nat! I can't leave my baby!" he answered desperately.

A rough hand gripped his wrists, wrenching them away from his work. His gaze moved from the display and clashed with those bright blue eyes he knew better than anyone else's. Though her frantic expression was hidden behind her helmet, he could still sense it as he looked through the small pane of glass separating them.

"Listen to me, Jeff. We don't have time for this! We've gotta go!" she scolded as she released her grip on his wrists and instead placed each hand below his arms, roughly pulling him from his chair. He winced as an all-too-familiar pain shot through his ribs. She dragged him across the cockpit and slammed her hand against the button to open the only remaining escape pod. He landed heavily on one of the seats as she tossed him inside.

Just as she started to step in behind him, their assailant shot at the Normandy again, disintegrating what was left of the floor Natasha was standing on. He shot up from the seat and reached for her as she struggled against the sudden loss of gravity, ignoring the fresh sear of pain in his ribs. Her feet began to lift her upward, moving her body away from him faster than he could react.

"Nat! No, Nat, reach for me! I've got you! Come on!" he yelled hysterically. His heart thundering in his chest as the distance between them only grew. She managed to grab the wall where the launch button was and glanced quickly in his direction. She didn't even seem to think about it before she hit it.

He met her gaze through that tiny pane of glass again, those bright blue eyes shining despite the darkness that was beginning to quickly engulf her. In that split second before the doors closed and he was thrust forward by the force of the escape pod's launch. A silent apology for what she knew he'd have to endure. He felt a panic so intense he could barely breathe. He banged his fists against the door, screaming in protest as he was propelled further from his best friend, the most important person in the galaxy.

She was still within range of him, though the comms had already begun to crackle. All he could hear was her frenzied gasps, then there was an explosion. And silence.

This couldn't be happening.

"No, you can't die because of me," he whimpered as his fists stopped pounding against the door. He slumped against it and slid down to the floor, gripping his side protectively as his chest ached with more pain than simple broken ribs.


Jeff steeled himself before finally responding. Shit, what an awkward silence.

"Addie, the Alliance grounded me. You know I'm a pilot, through and through," he replied as he turned to face her. She crossed her arms against her chest, expression hardening.

"That's a giant, stinking load of bullshit, Moreau, and you know it. They told you they'd let you come back if you'd just sober up," she responded harshly. A quick glance around the apartment would show how recent his sobriety was. Empty beer and liquor bottles were still scattered throughout the small space.

"Survivor's guilt is a hell of a thing to live with, Addie. Especially when you're the reason the beloved Hero of the Blitz is gone."

Her gaze softened and she uncrossed her arms. He took a few steps toward her. Her expression changed for just a second. So fleeting he almost missed it. But it was there. That concern she always showed when she worried he might fall.

If she only knew...

"You know you don't have to explain survivor's guilt to me, Jeff. I'm the sole survivor. One of fifty soldiers on Akuze, okay? Now, will you please tell me where you're rushing off to?" she prompted gently.

"Two of fifty. Don't forget Toombs," he reminded her. Instantly regretting the words as they came out.

She finally left the doorway, moving into the room until she stood in front of him. He was only slightly shorter than her, but it was enough that the bill of his hat blocked his face from her view. She reached up and gently removed it from his head, tossing it onto the bed beside his duffle bag.

"Ah, you're right. How could I forget the good Corporal that Cerberus scientists tortured for years?"

And there it was. Cerberus. Shit, did he really have it in him to tell the sole survivor of the attack on Akuze he was joining the group responsible for her trauma?

"Shit," he sighed as he looked into her emerald green eyes. He wanted to tell her everything. How he'd been approached by Cerberus operatives who had promised him a reprieve from his grief. Cerberus scientists explaining that they'd defied nature and they'd be waking her up soon. "I don't even know the name of the station, or where it's located. I just have to board a shuttle and they'll take me where I'm needed."

Addison's eyebrows pinched together in confusion. Jeff could feel a knot tightening in his chest, a dull ache growing with each word he spoke.

"So, you got a new job or something? You're not going back to the Alliance? You can tell me, Jeff. I've been off their payroll for years," she encouraged with a soft chuckle. The smile that tugged at the corner of her lips only made the knot in his chest tighten more.

Shit, what the hell was happening here? Why was this so hard to do?

"There's a new ship. From the specs it looks like an upgraded Normandy. Very sleek, and the drive core is powerful. But that was only the initial draw," he admitted as he reached toward her. Her eyebrows still pinched together as she listened to him, but she allowed him to grab her arms anyway, holding him by his elbows as he tightly gripped hers in return.

She was watching him apprehensively, waiting for him to explain. He found himself wondering how he could do this without losing her trust. Maybe that wasn't possible. Either way, he knew he had to go. There was no other option.

"It's a Cerberus ship. They recruited me for a dangerous mission. Apparently I'm the only pilot that can pull it off."

She let out a loud cackle of disbelief.

"Ha ha, very funny, Jeff," she responded. He held her gaze and slowly nodded his head, knowing he was really in for it now.

Her eyes narrowed and her grip on his elbows tightened ever so slightly. “Ouch.”

"You know what they did to me, Jeff. How could you seriously consider joining them?" Her voice broke as it rose in pitch. Tears glistened in her eyes, though she held them back defiantly.

"I shouldn't tell you this, but I guess I have to. You'll find out soon enough anyway." He hadn't been expressly forbidden from telling anyone where he was going, or why. Who would believe him anyway?

"Cerberus is shit, okay. I know that. You know that. Anyone with a brain knows that," he began, his grip on her arms falling away as he spoke. He slumped down onto the bed behind him. He reached for his duffel bag and zipped it shut before tossing it to the ground. "I was with Nat when she was sent to investigate them, you know. They've done some bad shit, not just on Akuze." He paused long enough to let her take a deep breath. He knew it was a risk to mention Akuze again, just like mentioning the Blitz was bad around Nat. All that pesky trauma.

He fidgeted with his hands in his lap nervously, chancing a quick glance up at her as she stood in front of him. No one else on this station would give a shit that he was leaving the Citadel, that he'd finally sobered up, and that he'd joined an organization he was supposed to hate. But he knew she cared.

"This is your one and only chance to tell me what the hell's going on."

Her eyes were pleading. She needed to know why he was suddenly leaving, to join Cerberus. Shit. He was going to have to tell her.

"They brought her back, Addie."

She stared blankly at him for a moment. Eyebrows pinching together again as she tried to piece together what he could possibly be talking about.

"Who? Can you just spit it out already?" She was clearly losing her patience. Short tempers must be a familial trait amongst the Shepards.

"Nat. They brought her back. She's supposed to wake up soon and they wanted a familiar face to be there for her." The silence stretched between them.

"No. She's been dead for two years, Jeff. There's no coming back from that." She shook her head slowly, moving from side to side as she clung to her denial. He understood it. Hell, he'd felt the same way when Operative Lawson had approached him in the first place. But she'd promised. She'd given him hope...

"I didn't know what to believe at first. I mean, how can someone come back from the dead? And even if they could, how could it still be them?" he questioned, his eyes unfocused as he wondered these things aloud for the first time. "You know-" he stopped to clear his throat. It was getting harder to talk about this. "You know better than anyone, Addie. I've had it rough the past two years. My life has sucked. I took her for granted. Never really realized how important she was."

Addison shifted from one foot to the other, watching her friend carefully as he spoke. She listened to him, rooted to the spot he'd left her standing in.

"Like, I know she was the Hero of the Blitz. She went up against Saren and all that shit. But, she was important to me. She was an integral part of my life. She was... Anyway, I know it was my fault she died. And if there's any chance that Cerberus managed the impossible, it's my duty to be there for her when she wakes up. She's going to realize that she died and the Alliance abandoned her and all her friends scattered to the winds. The universe kept going without her."

Addison took a few steps forward and sat down beside Jeff on the edge of the bed.

"Big, bad Cerberus claims they've brought my cousin back from the dead, and you're buying that?"

He turned to look at her, stopping for a second to admire the way the light highlighted her features.

"They were pretty convincing, Addie. And I have to see for myself. I have to see if it's really her, and if it is, she's gonna need me." The knot in his chest tightened even more as the anguish was apparent on her face. "And you can hate me for it if you want. It'll kill me. Truly. But I can't turn my back on this. I just hope you'll understand it. Someday."

"Sounds to me like you've made up your mind about it, then," she said softly. Jeff reached out and took her hand in his, relishing how soft her skin was against his own.

"I have. But it would be helpful if I knew this decision wasn't ending our friendship," he stated quietly. He felt her hand gently squeeze against his and he turned to look at her. Her eyes searched his face, quickly dropping down to his lips for a moment before her other hand reached up to cradle against his cheek. She drug her thumb against the rough stubble of his beard, smiling gently as she pressed her forehead against his.

"If it really is her... You have to let me know. You aren't the only one that's missed her," she whispered as she closed her eyes. "You do this mission, and you both get the hell out of there." Both of her hands rested against his face and she pulled him closer, gently pressing her lips to his. Jeff felt the knot in his chest suddenly disappear, replaced with a different feeling altogether. An unbridled joy he hadn't felt in years. She pulled away much sooner than he wanted her to, pressing her forehead to his once again before she stood up.

"I promise."

Chapter 2: Welcome, Hatboy

Summary:

Jeff gets to see Natasha, whose reconstruction is almost complete. He reminisces about his recent trip to Illium, where he encountered a familiar face.

Notes:

This chapter came out of no where because my brain decided it needed to happen. It was a lot of fun to work on! The next (and final) chapter will be Jeff's reunion with Natasha ❤

Chapter Text

Chapter Two

Hatboy


Being in this room not only gave Jeff a headache, but also made his joints ache. Everything he could see was either bright white or silvery chrome. The only colors to be found were the random Cerberus insignias found on the wall and the agent's uniform. Several monitors beeped slowly nearby, while the life support system hissed rhythmically. His sense of smell was overwhelmed by the scent of antiseptic. The chill of the room made him wonder if this was what it felt like to be meat in the refrigerator.

Jeff walked further into the room, approaching the bed positioned in the center. It didn't look very comfortable, but he guessed that didn't really matter.

He stared down at the occupant of the bed, remaining silent through his disbelief. The second anniversary of the attack on Alchera was rapidly approaching. Weird to think that he wouldn't be lost in grief this time. He wouldn't be losing himself to the abyss of alcohol poisoning and waking up in the hospital with a broken arm again. Almost two years since he'd laid eyes on her. The last time had been when she'd been spinning among the debris of the SR-1. His oldest and best friend lay motionless, covered in electrodes with tubes protruding from various orifices. The sight was the stuff of nightmares. Or, at least, the premise of some kind of low-budget sci-fi movie from last century.

She looked almost exactly the same. Her dark red hair was a welcome contrast to the sterile white surrounding them. The old scars on her eyebrow and lip seemed slightly faded, but were still there. There were newer scars across her face, small and glowing. A result of the cybernetics they'd had to use, apparently.

It felt surreal, for so much time to have passed, and for so little to have changed. She didn't look as if she'd aged a day.

He stifled the derisive chuckle that bubbled up at the thought. Technically, she hadn't.

How does aging work when you're dead, but not permitted to die?

A true question for the philosophers of the galaxy.

"As I told you before, Mr. Moreau, the only objective of Project Lazarus was to bring back Commander Shepard. Just as she was," the Cerberus agent explained to Jeff as he stood beside the bed.

"Really? Lazarus? A bit on the nose, don't you think?" Jeff asked with a smirk, though the operative didn't seem to appreciate his wit. She cleared her throat pointedly before continuing.

"I believe I accomplished the objective in a physical sense, but we won't know her cognitive state until we wake her. Shortly after we do so, we plan to bring you in to talk to her. You will be provided with a carefully curated list of questions to ask her, so we can ascertain her state of mind and be sure her memories are intact," she continued in a business-like tone.

Jeff reached out slowly, half expecting Operative Lawson to stop him. She didn't. His fingers lightly pressed against Natasha's forearm, dragging against her smooth skin until he gripped her lifeless hand. Somehow, he hadn't expected her skin to be warm to the touch.

"Why me?" The question fell out before he realized he'd even asked it. Shit. He quickly glanced up to look into the operative's blue eyes. Not the bright blue eyes he'd hoped to see here, on this creepy station in god knows what system. Cerberus had gone to great lengths to make sure he wouldn't know where he landed when they brought him here. They'd even gone so far as to put him to sleep for the shuttle ride over, and kept him away from all windows so he couldn't possibly determine which star they were nearest to.

"I think, Mr. Moreau, you know the answer to that question already."

His heart rate quickened as he tried to suppress the panic that arose at the thought of finally facing her. What would he even say to her? Would she forgive him for being the reason she'd died over Alchera? Could she forgive him for joining Cerberus, even if his intentions had been honorable? His thoughts quickly wandered to how she'd even ended up in the clutches of these Cerberus agents. He had a theory after what had happened on Illium, but he'd need proof before he could do anything about it.


Jeff clutched his duffle bag closely as he navigated across the dock, glancing around in search of the agent he was supposed to be meeting. In this sea of Asari, he imagined a Human in Cerberus garb would stand out like a sore thumb. He turned a corner and found himself looking out at the trade floor of Nos Astra. No one stopped their business as he shuffled past them, still hunting for his contact.

He briefly wondered if he should wait for them in the nearby bar, but quickly dismissed the idea.

Too much temptation, and Addie had been right. He was too freshly sober. The sweet call of dulled senses and near oblivion was stronger than a siren out at sea.

"Jeff? Is it really you?" He froze, recognizing the voice as a hand tightly gripped his arm.

It couldn't be... Could it?

He turned to see Liara standing behind him, her expression full of disbelief as she looked him over carefully.

"Well, shit... if it isn't Dr. T'Soni," he replied with a grin. What were the odds of this encounter? He hadn't seen her since the memorial.

"Come with me, quickly," she demanded in a hushed voice, her hand moving down to grip his wrist as she began to lead him away from the various kiosks stationed around the trade floor. They came to a flight of stairs which Liara hurried up as fast as Jeff's affected gait would allow, passing another Asari at a desk just outside the door.

Jeff tried to hide the panting breaths that escaped him, and took a second to quickly glance around the room as Liara moved to the window of the office, which overlooked the entirety of the trade floor below. There was a desk with two chairs positioned in front of it. A few small decorations were placed around the room, but nothing too descript.

Liara stood there, silent, for a long moment. She seemed to be searching for something as her eyes scanned through the crowd. He found himself wondering how long Liara had watched him wandering around below before she'd decided to approach him.

"So, you gonna tell me what the hell's going on, Liara? Haven't seen you in years and then you're dragging me into some office without even saying 'hello'?" Jeff asked with a huff, his impatience and curiosity getting the better of him. Though, he had to admit, it was nice to see a familiar face. Even better, one that had never outrightly placed blame on him for what had happened over Alchera.

Liara finally turned away from the window and walked over to her desk. She pressed a button and began to speak into an intercom. "Nyxeris, hold my calls. I need a private, uninterrupted word with Mr. Moreau."

"Yes, of course, Dr. T'Soni," the receptionist outside replied quickly.

Liara's gaze finally turned toward Jeff, and he felt a chill run down his spine as the expression on her face hardened suddenly. This wasn't the Liara he remembered. Something had changed her over the course of the last two years. Which, if he was honest, was also true of himself. He was sure that everyone that had felt a personal loss with Natasha's death was different now.

She motioned to one of the chairs in front of her desk as she pulled her own out and sat down heavily. Jeff obliged, carefully stepping closer and wondering what was about to happen. Once he was seated, she leaned forward and steepled her hands together as her eyes moved over his frame.

"It's good to see you, Jeff. Though, I must say it was a surprise to learn that you had joined Cerberus," she said with a grim expression. Jeff felt his cheeks flush.

"How'd you hear about that? Not like they post a recruitment list every month, do they?"

"Many things have changed in the past two years, Jeff. My time on the Normandy changed me, taught me things I never would've learned if I'd stayed in the Prothean ruins I loved. I am now one of the best information brokers on Illium. And I keep tabs on all the old crew," she admitted with a sly smile. Jeff struggled to swallow as he met her unflinching gaze.

"Comforting to know. You still haven't told me why you pulled me into your fancy office here, doc," he replied, feigning indifference despite the thundering in his chest.

Liara seemed to assess him, her eyes roving over him once again. As if she was trying to decide if she could really trust him or not.

"I am unsure of your reasons for joining Cerberus, though I have my suspicions. I only wanted to warn you."

"Warn me? Hell, Liara, I know I'm walking straight into the lion's den here. But... they've got Nat. I need to be there for her," he confessed with a sigh, shifting in his chair. Even as fancy as this office was, this chair was not very comfortable.

"Hm, so that is how they convinced you. They told you about their project with Shepard. I just hope you have prepared yourself. You will need to keep sharp if you are going to protect the commander. She will be quite vulnerable when Operative Lawson wakes her."

Jeff blinked several times. She knew more than he'd realized, apparently.

"You.. know, Lawson?"

Liara looked into his eyes, a solemn expression falling across her features. "Our paths have crossed, yes. That is irrelevant. Jeff, you must watch our for yourself, and watch out for Shepard," Liara replied, her eyes pleading for a moment before they hardened again.

A soft chirp sounded from her omni-tool, and Liara quickly stood. She was back at her perch by the window before Jeff realized what was happening. Her eyes scanned the trade floor again, and he saw them stop in her reflection of the glass. She'd found whatever she'd been searching for.

"It seems we are out of time, Jeff. Your contact has arrived," she reported as she turned and walked toward the door. It hissed open as she approached and she politely stood in the doorway, motioning for Jeff to leave.

"Alrighty then, Liara. This has been... informative. Thanks for the cryptic warning, I guess," he replied as he stood up and shuffled across the room. He reached the door and waved to Liara as he began to descend the stairs, much slower than he had been forced to ascend them.


There had been something in the way Liara had acted that day that had been unsettling to Jeff. And the mention of knowing Operative Lawson, having met her before. There was information Liara had withheld from him, and he shuddered to think that she was the reason his best friend had fallen into the custody of Cerberus. A terrorist organization that Natasha herself had investigated shortly before her untimely demise.

How had the timid little archeologist who had needed saving on Therum two years ago become the best information broker on Illium? He was missing some massive pieces to this puzzle. Maybe he could figure it out before Natasha woke up. Maybe that could help his case somehow.

"You'll be taken to a nearby Cerberus facility where you'll begin your training. Shepard won't be ready to wake for several more weeks," Operative Lawson informed Jeff, pulling him suddenly back from his wandering thoughts. His gaze moved to meet with hers and he struggled to decide if he should ask her about Liara the Information Broker or not.

After a few long moments of consideration, he decided against it and simply nodded his head in understanding.

"That why you guys brought me in so early? Gotta make sure I get done with my orientation before you can trust me around Frankenstein's monster?" he asked in his usual snarky tone. The Cerberus agent didn't seem amused with his banter and crossed her arms against her chest as she stared at him disapprovingly.

"Something like that, Mr. Moreau. You'll have plenty to do until we wake Shepard." Her unflinching gaze made Jeff squirm as he stood there in the too-cold, too-bright room.

"Great. You know what they say about idle hands and all that," he quipped with a half-assed attempt at a chuckle. Lawson was much more intense than he'd expected. She'd seemed warmer, more welcoming when they'd met up on the Citadel and she'd practically begged him to join Cerberus.

It had taken several such meetings until he'd finally agreed. And only after the promise of Natasha's return. He'd suspected the way Addison would react, and dreaded that final meeting before his hasty departure. He hoped he'd have good news for Addie soon, and until then he'd do whatever busywork Cerberus had prepared for him. He could play along until Natasha woke up. Until he could find out if Lawson had really brought her back or not.

The silence was broken as the door hissed open behind Jeff and another agent entered the room.

"This supposed to be your Igor?" Jeff asked as he motioned toward the bald man as he approached the center of the room where they were all gathered.

"She's certainly as mad as Dr. Frankenstein himself, that's for sure," the man commented darkly. Lawson didn't seem to appreciate this bit, but that was rarely a deterrent for him.

"It takes someone with true vision and dedication to accomplish what I have here. Now, if you two jokesters don't mind, I have serious work to do." Lawson glared at each of them in turn, reminding Jeff what it felt like to be lectured by the teachers back in school. "Wilson, do you know where Taylor is? He's supposed to escort our new recruit to his posting."

The bald man's smile quickly faded and he seemed to switch gears. His joking manner disappeared and was replaced with a more professional demeanor.

"He was heading here next, Got held up with the boss. Something came up with Leng and Rasa, apparently," Wilson reported. Lawson's sigh told Jeff that she was irritated by the delay. So far Cerberus seemed a lot like the Alliance to him, and that in itself was a disturbing thought.

Chapter 3: Hello, Hatboy

Summary:

Jeff and Natasha are finally reunited.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter Three

Hello, Hatboy


Jeff had spent most of his life in space. He was more accustomed to the chill of stations or ships than he was the warmth that came with living planetside. Though he suddenly found himself unable to control the tremors in his hands as he stood on Minuteman Station awaiting the impending return of Commander Shepard and her Cerberus escorts. No one seemed to know the details of what had happened on Lazarus Station, except that only three people had made it to the evac shuttle.

She was awake. She had survived whatever had happened there.

He took a deep breath, crossing his arms and stuffing his hands underneath his armpits in an attempt to control the shaking. He was a storm of competing emotions as the relief of her survival fought against the uncertainty of her return.

The plan that Operative Lawson had concocted had changed. She'd spent weeks drilling questions into him that would help ascertain Natasha's mental state when she awoke. Maybe that was all pointless now. At least they'd shown him the beautiful new ship they'd built for her. His tour had been interrupted with the news of the sudden arrival of the evac shuttle.

He trudged over to the nearest chair, sitting with a heavy sigh as he ran his hands up and down his thighs several times. His gaze kept moving to the door, hoping that someone would come retrieve him soon and release him from this uncertain hell. His hands moved back beneath his arms as he clamped them tightly against his body, only to find himself incapable of stopping his leg's incessant bouncing.

"Oh, this is worse than torture," he said to himself as he clamped his eyes shut and threw his head back. The pounding of his heart reminded him of the climb up the stairs of the SR-1, leaving him breathless and panting with effort though he'd been sitting for several minutes.

The door finally slid open and Jeff's eyes were immediately drawn to the entrance.

"Really, Jeff, if you're this bad just waiting for half an hour, I can't imagine how you'd actually survive being tortured," a familiar voice said from the doorway. Jeff couldn't stop the smile that spread across his lips as her stern expression softened when he met her gaze. "If you can't calm yourself, I'd be more than happy to sedate you."

Jeff stood up and rushed over to the doctor, wrapping his arms around her torso and pulling her close. She chuckled and returned the gesture, resting her head against the top of his affectionately.

"What the shit, Karin? What are you doing on a Cerberus station?" he asked as he pulled away from her embrace. She rested her hands on his shoulders and held him at arm's length as her eyes carefully studied his face. He took this brief pause as a chance to take in the small things that had changed in her appearance. Her black hair had streaks of gray, and the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth had deepened.

"Oh, you know, a certain little bird came and chirped in my ear about our mutual friend's return. I was overdue for some leave from the Alliance anyway," she explained as she smirked at him. He laughed wholeheartedly, suddenly forgetting about his shaking hands and bouncing leg.

"Your idea of leave is to come work for Cerberus? With me and Nat back together on a ship?" Jeff's eyebrows raised with amusement.

"Well, they had me stationed on Mars, and you know how I prefer to be on a ship," she retorted, playfully swatting at him as she took a small step back. A silence settled between them for a moment, both of them obviously overwhelmed with the emotions of their reunion. "Besides, in the whole of the galaxy, even Cerberus couldn't find a doctor willing to put up with you." They both laughed loudly, Chakwas wrapping her arm around Jeff warmly in a brief embrace.

"You know, you can just admit that you missed me, doc," Jeff answered playfully. Though they both knew it was true. After losing Natasha and the Normandy, the crew had all scattered to the winds, leaving several of them alone and full of grief. Chakwas and Jeff had both known the commander before she'd become the Hero of the Citadel, the soldier who had saved them all from Sovereign's plot. And without her holding them all together, they'd fallen apart.

"I'm sorry I disappeared after... you know. I was in a bad place until very recently," Jeff admitted somberly. Chakwas' expression hardened with the abrupt shift in tone, her eyebrows pinching together as she faced him. She gripped Jeff's shoulders firmly in her hands as she silently demanded his attention with an intentional stare.

"You never have to apologize to me for the way you survived your grief, Jeff Moreau."

Jeff sniffled loudly, fighting back the tears threatening to spill out. He cleared his throat and shrugged Chakwas' hands from his shoulders as he attempted to steel himself.

"Glad to have you back, Karin."


Jeff stood just outside the room, as he'd been ordered to do. He could just barely hear the conversation happening in the darkened room below, possibly due to the hammering of his heart in his chest.

"Look, I know you know that I found several of your twisted experiments during my time on the Normandy. I know you had Kahoku killed. I know that a large majority of your organization's numbers are xenophobes. I also know that you're responsible for what happened on Akuze, which greatly affected my cousin. And I would hope, with all the research you've done about me, that you would know that I can't work with you. Our morals and goals are not aligned."

The tone of her voice made Jeff chuckle lightly under his breath, sure that The Illusive Man wasn't accustomed to being called out in such a manner.

While she'd been talking, Operative Lawson had silently encouraged Jeff to step into the room. He was to stay quiet until addressed, but he could hardly contain himself. There she was. Standing. Talking. Living.

The Illusive Man took a long drag from his cigarette and Jeff watched the end of it glow brightly on the holo from the darkened back of the room. It dimmed and he slowly released a small cloud of smoke with an audible sigh.

"I had hoped that seeing Freedom's Progress would show you the reality of the situation, Shepard. Humanity is quite possibly facing the greatest threat to our existence. Let me be clear, I'm not asking you to join Cerberus."

"You just want me to work with you, to defeat the Collectors? And then what?" she countered, tightly gripping her hands together behind her back as she stood taller in defiance.

There was no doubt in Jeff's mind that this was his Natasha. She was just as stubborn, and headstrong as he remembered. Just as brave, and principled.

"I won't sugar coat it, Shepard. It's entirely possible that this could be a suicide mission. But if you do manage to survive, you're free to go once the mission is complete." He flicked his cigarette over the ashtray built into his chair, eyes glowing brightly as he stared at the former commander, not giving away the fact that they were no longer alone in this room. "You have my word."

"You're the reason I'm alive, but I can't trust you," Natasha replied coldly.

He'd overheard the mumblings of Wilson. The Illusive Man had invested a fortune into Project Lazarus. Four billion credits sunk into her resurrection. But to what end? Was his plan to control her by somehow convincing her that she owed him? Not likely, man.

"That's fine, Shepard. However, I do think we've brought someone along that you can trust. Someone that you do trust. And from what I hear... He's the best pilot around."

That was his cue. His heart jumped, his breath catching as he tried to keep himself calm. His big moment was finally here. His would be the first familiar face she'd seen among these strangers since waking up on Lazarus Station, but he was terrified of how she'd react to him being the one she was greeted by.

Jeff's feet shuffled against the floor as he stepped forward, and he tried his best to prepare himself for however she was about to react.

"Humanity is under attack, Shepard. I believe you're our only chance at survival. I'll leave you to... consider your options."

The holo of The Illusive Man flickered, and then disappeared. The lights in the room turned on automatically and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to their brightness. He watched with bated breath as she slowly turned around to face him.

Those bright blue eyes that he'd been waiting to see finally found him. He watched her with apprehension, waiting for her reaction. Her steps were hesitant. He decided it was best to let her come to him, allowing her to take her time in her approach.

After what felt like an eternity, she stood just in front of him.

"Jeff? Is it really you?" she asked as she reached up to cradle her hand gently against his cheek. He could see the darker flecks of blue in the lighter shade of her iris, the dusting of freckles across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose, the scars on her face that had faded over time after the Blitz.

A tear fell and landed against the hand she held against his face. He managed to nod slowly, reaching up to grip her hand in his.

"Guess I should be asking the same thing. I was afraid they were lying to me or something. But... it's really you, Nat," he answered somberly, his voice breaking as more tears began to fall from his emerald eyes.

Her hand suddenly fell away from his face and he startled at the sudden movement. But then her arms were wrapped tightly around his frail frame. He winced slightly before returning the gesture. He'd be glad to end up with broken ribs again, just this once.

"Damn it, Jeff. I'm so glad you made it out of there. I wasn't sure you would. I mean, I'd hoped... when I pressed the button... Just so glad you made it." Natasha sobbed as she held him close.

Jeff released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, sighing with relief as she still gripped him tightly in her arms.

They stood like that for several minutes. She was the first to pull away, though she didn't move far. She leaned down and gently kissed his cheek.

"You know, you aren't the only one they managed to bring back. So to speak," Jeff informed her as the pair exited the room together. Natasha draped an arm around his shoulders and he wrapped an arm around her waist. They walked in step as he led her to a different part of the station she hadn't been to yet.

"I'm not sure if I should even ask what that means or not," Natasha said with a chuckle. Jeff laughed along with her, and continued to lead her down a hallway. The end of the hall brought them to a large window. A darkness different than space showed on the other side, and Jeff smiled slyly at Natasha as they reached the glass. He tapped a button on the wall next to the window, prompting the lights to switch on. Natasha gasped as she pulled away from him, her hands resting on the window like a kid at the zoo for the first time.

"But... how??" she managed to stammer as she looked at the ship displayed before them. It was so similar in design to the original, but he could tell that even she knew it was different. He tried to suppress the intrusive thought as it happened, but he wondered to himself how alike these two were. How different was Natasha to her original self? Was she the Ship of Theseus, parts replaced and improved upon over time?

"Guess the specs weren't as top secret as we were led to believe. The alternative is that Cerberus has moles very deep in the Alliance, and I don't really want to think about that," he answered as he crossed his arms against his chest. He gazed out at the ship in admiration. She was a thing of beauty, no doubt about that. "They only showed it to me this morning. Guess they were waiting for her CO to wake up before getting the crew together."

Natasha stared out at the ship for a long moment. Jeff remained silent.

"Are you ready for your tour, Commander?" A voice with a heavy accent sounded behind them, and they both jumped. When they turned, they found Operative Lawson standing a few yards away. "As your XO, it would be my pleasure to do the honors."

Natasha quickly glanced over at her old friend, and Jeff tried to warn her without speaking. She took a deep breath and looked back at the Cerberus agent.

"Please, lead the way," she replied rigidly. Lawson smiled at them and quickly walked past them. She began leading them toward the docking bay, all the while telling Natasha as many details as she could recall about the ship's construction.

Natasha gripped Jeff's hand as they followed behind the operative. He felt an odd sense of gratitude as he realized that his old friend was making sure that he wasn't left behind as Lawson quickly strutted across the tiled floor. It had been a long time since anyone had thought to watch out for him in such a way.

She pulled Jeff closer, holding his arm against her as she whispered to him, "Think we should let her keep her name. What do you think?" He glanced up at her, brows pinching together in confusion.

"Normandy. If I get to come back, so does she."

Notes:

Well, as happens with these things, this was supposed to be the final chapter of this fic. But there will be one more after all! ❤