Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Yuki...Yuki, she's not breathing! What do we do?"  

Yuki knelt beside Kyo, checking Tohru's neck for a pulse. "Can you feel a pulse in her wrist?"  

Kyo's bloodied hands were shaking so badly, he couldn't tell.  

Yuki scoffed and took her other hand. He frowned, then placed his hand an inch from her nose and mouth, looking increasingly distraught.  

"What do we do?” Kyo cried. “We have to help her! She can't die!"  

Tohru lay completely still, eyes closed, chest no longer rising and falling. Yuki continued searching for signs of life, his hands moving desperately between her face, neck, and wrist. Kyo quivered in terror; he had never felt so helpless in his life.  

They heard distant footsteps. Yuki went to speak with the medics while Kyo continued hovering over Tohru. He trembled violently, willing her to breathe again, his own chest tight.  

An unfamiliar voice spoke, then someone pushed him backward, away from Tohru's lifeless form. A small man in a pale blue jumpsuit knelt next to Tohru, soon joined by two other uniformed workers, both women. The three prodded her. One of them said something to Yuki, who had joined the first responders kneeling beside Tohru. They turned her head, revealing the grisly wound on the back of her scalp. Kyo thought he was going to be sick. Their alien voices kept saying things that made no sense, words that couldn't possibly be about Tohru, phrases like "dead on arrival" and "injuries incompatible with life" and "time of death."  

This couldn't be happening. Tohru was just here, just speaking to him moments ago. The pressure surrounding his chest would surely suffocate him. His vision narrowed. His stomach lurched. He turned over and vomited the meal he had shared with Tohru that morning onto the ground. His throat burned. His eyes stung. His ears were ringing. None of this was right.  

He didn’t notice the voices around him, or the hands under his arms urging him to move, or the heavy footsteps that receded into silence, or how long he stayed like that, quaking, trying to make sense of it all. When he turned back around and sat up, Tohru's body was no longer there. Only a patch of darkened ground remained where her blood had spilled. How could her tiny body have held that much blood?  

Yuki dutifully guided the three paramedics back up to the house, where Shigure and Akito were waiting. The two who were carrying Tohru's body on a stretcher followed him up to Tohru's room, where he laid out the futon from her closet for them at their instruction. Akito’s wails filled the house – the other medic must have told him that Tohru had died, Yuki thought. He thanked the workers and went back downstairs. Shigure was on the phone with Hatori, who was heading over, from what he could gather. The ambulance crew offered quick condolences then left. Shigure called Tohru's grandfather. How was he able to deliver such terrible news as if he were discussing the weather?  

Yuki was numb. He needed something to do, something to keep himself from falling back into that dark place.  

"Did Kyo-kun find you?"  

Yuki stared, not processing the question.  

"What?"  

"Did Kyo-kun ever find you?" Shigure repeated. "He went running after he heard what happened."  

"Yes, I think he's still there. He..." Yuki paused. "He's taking it hard."  

"I was afraid that might happen. Where is he now?"  

"He's still there, he didn't seem to hear any of us. He wouldn't get up when we tried to move him."  

Shigure sighed and picked up the phone to dial another number.  

"Hi, Kunimitsu-kun. Is Kazuma-dono there?" He paused to hear Kunimitsu's response. "I see. Yes, please do. It's a rather pressing matter." A longer pause. "Hello, Kazuma-dono? I'm afraid I have terrible news. There was an accident this morning."  

Yuki started upstairs. He couldn't listen anymore.  

"It seems Tohru-kun fell from a cliff and died of her injuries. Kyo was there. He's not responding to anyone."  

Yuki’s gut lurched at the words. Honda-san had died.  

His stomach dropped yet again when he went past Tohru's room and saw her body on the futon.  

He ran to his room and slammed the door, panting hard and looking around for anything he could use to vent his emotions. Suddenly, he punched down into his desk, then kicked it several times. His fist bled. His bare foot throbbed. His mind calmed and his breathing slowed. Where his desk had stood was now a pile of splintered wood, littered with open books, a broken lamp, and scattered school supplies.  

He took a shaky breath and gathered some clothes. He went downstairs and slammed the bathroom door. He quickly put his dirty pajamas into the washing machine and stepped into the shower room, hastily turning on the hot water so he wouldn't have to feel the tears streaming down his face.  

Almost exactly two years ago, Kazuma had taken Kyo to live in the mountains.  

Kyo, his beloved son, had already experienced more loss and trauma at seventeen than many people experienced in a lifetime. He had been ostracized his entire life due to his possession by the cat spirit, born to be the outcast of the Zodiac and the Sohma family. His mother had kept him indoors and away from people, and had stepped in the path of a train as he watched, at not even five years of age. Kyo's birth father had cruelly blamed the young boy in front of everyone. This was when Kazuma had taken him in.  

Two years ago, Kyo had suddenly fallen into such a deep despair that Kazuma feared he wouldn't survive. He saw Kyo's will to live disappear, so he took him to the mountains to try and recover some of his son's hope. Kyo eventually regained a will to live, but it was fueled by anger and hatred. In the two years he had lived with Tohru, he had softened and found other, better reasons to live.  

But now, the person on whom Kazuma had pinned all of his hopes, who he knew loved his son as much as Kyo loved her, who had brought such kindness and joy to all of the Sohmas, was gone, and Kyo had watched her die.  

Kazuma was heartbroken, he was terrified. He knew he had to keep Kyo from falling back into such crushing darkness, no matter what it took.  

And Tohru. It was cruel how much loss she had experienced in her short life, and crueler still that her life had been cut so short. Kazuma had come to regard Tohru almost as a daughter. He had imagined she would eventually become a fixture in his life whenever she and Kyo finally acknowledged their love for each other. He owed her so much, for the way she accepted his son, the way she comforted him, the way she had been determined to break the curse to ensure Kyo's freedom, how she had given them both hope for Kyo's future.  

He raced to Shigure's house, trying not to dwell on what Tohru's death could mean for Kyo's future.  

When he arrived, Shigure told him where he would find Kyo. He moved quickly through the bamboo woods until he saw his son sitting on the ground, head tucked into his arms, knees hugged to his chest. Kazuma's heart ached. His Kyo had been through so much, and life had just dealt him yet another brutal blow. He couldn't imagine the hurt Kyo must be feeling after watching Tohru die. He walked over, bent down, and put a hand on his son's back.  

When Yuki finished his shower, he bandaged his hand and foot and dressed in dark clothes for mourning. Hatori had arrived and Shigure was just leaving to take Akito back to the estate in Hatori's car. Yuki stayed out of sight until he was sure Akito was gone.  

"Yuki," said Hatori brusquely. "I need some assistance with Tohru. Would you be able to help me?"  

Yuki wasn't ready to see her lifeless body again, but he knew she still needed him. He gulped and nodded, blinking back the tears that had sprung to his eyes at Hatori's question.  

They carried Hatori's heavy trunk up the stairs together and into Tohru's room. Yuki watched as Hatori closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and knelt to put a hand on Tohru's face. A single tear dropped from Hatori's eyes, leaving a milky streak as it ran down her dirtied cheek.  

"When the snow melts, what does it become?" Hatori asked thickly, looking sadly at Tohru.  

Yuki wasn't sure if he should answer.  

After a moment, Hatori stood back up and opened the trunk.  

"First, is there anyone beyond Tohru's grandfather and the residents of this house who she would consider family?" Hatori asked as he began unloading supplies.  

"Yes, she has two close friends from school. Uotani-san and Hanajima-san. I don't know their numbers."  

"Are they in your class?"  

"Yes."  

"I'll call Mayu as soon as we finish up here. She should have their numbers."  

"You know Mayu-sensei?"  

Hatori paused. Yuki could tell the question surprised him.  

"We met a few years ago through a mutual friend.”  

Hatori didn't elaborate further, and Yuki knew better than to press for more information.  

"To begin, we ought to remove her bed. Shigure suggested moving it to Kyo's room."  

Yuki nodded, and the two of them began moving the mattress, then the bed, down the hall, placing it against the wall in Kyo's room.  

"Next, someone needs to perform the matsugo-no-mizu. I think you are the better person for this step."  

"What, me?" The thought of it overwhelmed Yuki.  

"You and Tohru-kun were quite close, as I understand it." He handed Yuki a writing brush. "Go wet this, and then you will run it across her lips."  

Yuki hesitated. "Shouldn't we wait for her grandpa?"  

"This is meant to be done as close to death as possible."  

Yuki nodded, starting down the stairs out of habit before turning back to use Tohru's bathroom sink.  

When he returned, Hatori had placed a low folding table next to the head of Tohru's futon, and was rummaging through his trunk. Yuki knelt at Tohru's head, taking in the sight of her battered corpse. The blood on her arm had dried, and her hair was matted. The sleeve of her shirt had been torn where her arm had been slashed, and she was covered in dirt. Her eyes were still closed, and there were streaks on her face from where Kyo's and Hatori's tears had fallen. Yuki's chest tightened when he noticed streaks coming from Tohru's own eyes as well; had she been crying in her last moments? Was she in pain?  

Yuki took a deep breath, and with a steady hand, passed the moistened brush across her lips.  

"Good." Hatori took the brush and placed it in a plastic bag. "Now, we will wait for her other family to arrive before washing her corpse. In the meantime, I will call Mayu while you set the table with these items." Hatori gestured to a box he had placed next to the trunk.  

As Hatori stepped out, Yuki took a deep breath and retrieved the box. Inside was a candle, an incense holder, several sticks of incense, matches, a vase, a small knife, and a small pillow. He slowly placed the items on the table one by one, leaving the pillow underneath. He lit the candle and one stick of incense, filling the room with a soothing, warm aroma. He took the vase to Tohru's bathroom to fill it partway with water. When he returned, he found the yellow and white chrysanthemums that Hatori had brought, and arranged them in the vase.  

Hatori returned and surveyed the table setting. "Good," he said. "Now there are some preparations I must do so her body is ready for cleansing before everyone arrives. Why don't you go wash your hands, then wait downstairs in case someone arrives."  

Yuki nodded and bowed before following the doctor's instructions.  

Restless, he made his way out to the engawa. He wanted to busy himself with something, anything, but he reminded himself that meeting Tohru's grandfather and friends was also a necessary job. He hoped Kazuma had arrived while he’d been upstairs with Tohru—her body, and Hatori, and was going to make that stupid cat get his act together.  

His fists clenched. How dare that idiot make her cry and then run away like a coward. How dare Akito let her fall. That Tohru's last day was so painful was something Yuki could never forgive. She had deserved so much more, and they had all let her down.  

I wasn't there, either, he thought. I ran after Kyo when I should have stayed.  

He hung his head. He should have helped her get dry, made her tea, been there when Akito arrived, protected her. He should have let the idiot run away and focused on comforting Tohru.  

Just then, he heard a weathered voice. "Hello young man. Thank you for taking care of Ky- I mean, Tohru-san."  

"O-jiisan!" Yuki exclaimed, startled, as he looked up into the tired face of Tohru's grandfather. He quickly stood up and bowed, before offering his hand to help the elderly man into the house. "O-jiisan, please accept my deepest condolences-"  

"You were her family, too, young man."  

Yuki hesitated. "Yes, O-jiisan."  

"I'm glad she had you and that orange-haired boy looking after her. She deserved more kindness and love than my family was able to provide," Grandpa sighed as they removed their shoes in the entryway.  

Yuki wasn't sure how to respond. He didn't know if he should tell Tohru's grandfather what a horrible final day his beloved granddaughter Tohru had had.  

"Where is she now?" Grandpa asked.  

"She's in her room. Hatori-san is..." he paused. "...is preparing her body for the cleansing ritual. Would you like to see her?"  

"We can go up when he's done."  

At that, they heard footsteps and saw Hatori's tall figure descending the stairs.  

"She's ready for visitors," Hatori announced bluntly. He avoided looking at either of them before striding into Shigure's study and disappearing behind the sliding doors.  

Yuki walked Grandpa to the stairs, and carefully followed him up.  

When they reached the top, the door to Tohru's room was open. Yuki waited at the door as Grandpa walked in and knelt at her side, stroking her forehead lovingly.  

When he straightened back up, Yuki hesitated before asking, "O-jiisan?"  

"Please, call me Grandpa."  

"...Grandpa? May I help plan her services?"  

Grandpa looked at Yuki and smiled sadly. "I'm sure Tohru-san would be honored."  

"Thank you, O-jii- I mean, Grandpa." Yuki bowed before heading to his room to clean up his destroyed desk. He was grateful to have tasks to occupy his mind during the challenging day ahead.  

"It's all your fault!"  

Kyo clutched his knees to his chest, his face buried, cheeks still damp from crying.  

"I'll never forgive you."  

He was in the same spot where the love of his life had taken her final breath, only moments ago. The ground was wet with a mixture of the morning's rain, Tohru's blood, and Kyo's vomit.  

"She died because of you!"  

How could this have happened? How could he have let this happen?  

"You killed her!"  

His precious Tohru; he would never see her goofy smile again, never hear her voice welcoming him home, never feel her hand in his, or catch her spacing out, or witness her extraordinary kindness change lives ever again, because she was gone.  

Gone.  

Because of him.  

"You're a monster! What right do you have to fall in love?"  

His head hurt. His chest ached. His stomach was leaden.  

"If you had never existed, the world would be a much happier place."    

He felt a hand on his back.  

"Kyo," came a gentle voice.  

He couldn't look. Shishou was the one remaining person on the planet who had always accepted him, and Kyo had let him down, again. Kyo couldn't face him, couldn't bear losing the love of the man who had so generously taken him in, now that Tohru was gone and it was all his fault just like his mom and her mom and-  

"Kyo. I'm here."  

Kyo looked up and saw Kazuma's kind face, eyebrows subtly creased in concern, eyes misty.  

The sight of tears in his father figure's eyes snapped Kyo into motion, and he sprang up and flung his arms around Kazuma as he began sobbing.  

Kazuma held him firmly as he shook. Kyo buried his head into his adoptive father's chest. He felt so weak, as though he would collapse if he let go.  

And they didn't let go. Kazuma kept his arms tightly around his son as Kyo cried into him for several minutes.  

Shame and despair were threatening to overcome him when he heard Tohru's voice in his mind.  

"It's okay. It's alright. Don't worry."  

But it's not okay! he thought. You're-    

"Shishou," he half-whispered between sobs. "She's gone." His voice broke on the last word.  

"I know, my son." Kazuma stroked his back. "I'm so sorry."  

They stayed in a tight embrace until Kyo's body stopped trembling. He was breathing quietly when he heard Kazuma's gentle voice again.  

"There is still more to do before she leaves this world. I believe she would have wanted you there, Kyo. I will be there, too, for as long as you would like. Let me know when you are ready to go up to the house."  

Kyo looked up at Kazuma, tears still silently falling from his eyes. He hadn't even begun to think about what came next. He couldn't bear it; he knew being near her body would be too painful, just as accepting her love was too painful. But he knew Kazuma was right.  

"Hope will still bloom."  

He gave a small nod, and Kazuma slowly loosened his embrace. Then they walked silently, side by side, back up to the house he had shared with Tohru for almost two years.  

Chapter Text

Kyo and Kazuma arrived to find Hatori smoking a cigarette on the engawa outside Shigure's study. Hatori looked them up and down. Kyo was covered in dirt, his eyes puffy and red, his expression one of complete devastation. Kazuma’s face was neutral, but Hatori sensed his concern for Kyo in his body language. He nodded at the two as they entered, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette.  

Kazuma removed his shoes in the entry and watched his son do the same, slowly, as if in a trance.  

"Kyo, why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll grab some clothes for you."  

Kyo didn't respond; he only dragged himself toward the bathroom.  

Kazuma swiftly went up the stairs to gather clothes from Kyo's room so his son would have something appropriate to wear. He saw that Tohru's bed had been moved in and made a mental note to tell Kyo before he came upstairs to spare him the shock. He also noticed, as was the case last time, that Kyo's room barely held any mark of his presence over the past two years. He sighed. Kyo was so used to thinking of his time “outside” as temporary. He hoped his son would one day feel deserving of a space he could make his own. This house bore witness to his life; it saw him grow and love and learn and heal and hurt. It shouldn't be the same after all this time.  

Kazuma wondered whether Kyo would stay here or return to the dojo after Tohru's funeral. He didn’t know what would be best for Kyo, or whether it would even matter. His son had such a fragile heart, and Kazuma's own heart ached for the boy who had unexpectedly made him a parent. He knew the road ahead was going to be long and painful. He knew the path might fold back on itself several times, and that they would continue walking it for the rest of their lives.  

But...  

Kyo had cried. Kyo had spoken to him, if only a few words. He had walked himself back up to the house to grieve with her other loved ones. Kyo was hurting, yes, but he had changed since coming to live here with Tohru, Shigure, and Yuki. He wasn't falling into complete darkness as he had two years ago.  

And, though he knew they had a difficult time ahead, this gave Kazuma hope. He was so proud of his boy.  

Someone knocked on the bathroom door and Kyo opened it automatically to take his clothes from Kazuma. The door closed and he undressed mechanically, placing his dirty clothes in the washing machine, not even registering Yuki's pajamas from that morning already in the basin. He stepped into the wet shower room and turned the hot water on to wash away the dirt from that morning.  

That morning...  

He sank to his knees again as he cried. Tohru ...Tohru was dead. She was dead, and he had told her he was disappointed in her . He had made her cry. He was such an idiot.  

"It's okay."  

He heard Tohru's voice once more as she called out to him in her final moments. His chest panged. She had used her dying words to comfort him, even after he had hurt her so badly.  

"It's okay. It's all right. Don't worry."  

He slammed his fist into the tile. It’s not okay! She’s gone! She’s dead! His tears joined the water circling the drain.  

He brought his hand to his mouth, trying to preserve his memory of how her lips had felt. He hadn't been thinking when he kissed her. He just wanted her to rest and wait for help to come. She shouldn't have been trying to move or talk.  

And he didn't know if he'd ever get to tell her how he truly felt.  

He loved her. So much it hurt. He hadn't let himself admit it to anyone because he knew it could only cause them more heartache, but all he wanted was a future at her side. He wanted to protect her and hold her and cook with her and make more terrible sandcastles and listen to her worries and tell her how beautiful, how wonderful, how perfect she was. How she opened him up to the good in the world, how her acceptance of his monstrous form had saved his life, how he always worried that she would be lonely, how his name sounded like music when she said it, how he would do anything to get her to smile. How he loved her, more than anything.  

He was an idiot. He could have told her this morning, but he was selfish and cruel and cowardly.  

The shower had long run out of hot water. Kyo stood up, eager to get out of the lukewarm drizzle.  

He quickly soaped himself up and rinsed the lather from his body, turning the cool water off. He took a deep breath, dried himself with a towel, and dressed in the clean black button-down and brown cargo pants Kazuma had found. He wasn't going to be selfish or cowardly anymore. He was going to be there for Tohru until her bones were in the ground.  

And after that...  

He gulped, unable to voice the terrible thoughts that were swirling round his brain.  

When Kyo came out of the shower, Kazuma guided him to the stairs. As they reached the top, Kyo slowly sank forward onto his knees. He wasn't prepared for the sight that awaited him. Tohru's door was open, and her figure lay still on a futon, covered by a black silk sheet.  

Kazuma's hand rested on his back once more. He stood up and made his way into Tohru's room.  

Her grandfather knelt beside her on a black zabuton. A table stood next to her body, set with incense, candles, and flowers. Her face was still covered in dirt and streaked with his tears from that morning as well as her own. He knelt on the zabuton next to Grandpa, Kazuma joining him on the cushion to his left.  

"I'm so glad to see you again, young man."  

Kyo hung his head, tears spilling out of him. The last time they had seen each other, Kyo had learned about Tohru's early years, including the loss of her father. She, too, had endured cruelty from adults who assumed she didn't understand their words due to her youth. She, too, had borne the weight of responsibility for someone else's life from a young age, believing she had to become more like her father to keep her mother alive.  

"I know you cared about our Tohru-san a great deal, just as she cared deeply about you." Tohru's grandpa continued as Kyo wept. "I'm so glad she found a home here with you. I'm glad she found family here that loved her so much." He paused, looking at Kyo, seeing the complete devastation written across the young man's face.  

"Her actions planted seeds of kindness and hope in all who had the pleasure to know her. Some of them have yet to bloom. But they will. They always do."  

Kyo turned to look at the old man, who was smiling sadly. He sniffed and wiped his nose, then nodded, thinking once more of Kazuma's words to him when he had lost all hope two years ago.  

"It will still bloom."  

Yuki emerged from his room carrying a trash bag full of the splintered remains of his desk. He found Kazuma, Kyo, and Grandpa in Tohru's room at her side. Yuki stepped in, bowing when Kazuma turned to greet him.  

"Shihan," Yuki greeted his former karate instructor.  

"Yuki," Kazuma bowed his head in return, smiling warmly.  

Yuki went downstairs to toss the bag, then quietly made his way to the engawa as Hatori tossed the butt of his cigarette to the damp ground.  

Soon, Arisa and Saki arrived together, joined by Saki's younger brother, Megumi. Yuki greeted them as Hatori went to gather more cushions and prepare for the ritual cleansing of Tohru’s corpse. Saki was silent and somber, tears falling soundlessly from downcast eyes.   

"Hiya, Prince," Arisa said, punching him on the arm and offering a weak smile.  

"Uotani-san, Hanajima-san, Hanajima-kun, please accept my deepest condolences."  

Arisa’s smile faltered as she began crying loudly. "It's just not fair!" she yelled, kicking a rock on the ground and yelping in pain. Saki quickly put her arm around Arisa, who pulled her all the way into a big hug.  

"All right, all right. Can we see her now?" Arisa asked, stubbornly pulling herself together.  

"Sure. Everyone is in her room," Yuki replied as they took off their shoes in the entryway.  

"Who's everyone?"  

"You just saw our family doctor, Hatori. Tohru's grandpa is there, and Kyo. Kyo's guardian is there as well."  

"Ah, the handsome Master Kazuma," remarked Saki.  

"How’s Kyon taking it?"  

"He's...he's having a hard time."  

"Yes, it would be surprising if he weren't," mused Saki. "You were both there, weren't you?"  

Yuki stiffened, taken aback by the question as was often the case when he spoke with Saki. "Yes. We were both there."  

"Sensei said she fell from a cliff?" Arisa asked.  

"Yes, that's true," Yuki confirmed. "The cliffs around here are notoriously unstable."  

"What was she doin’ out there, anyway?" Arisa demanded.  

Yuki paused, unsure of how much to reveal. "I'm not sure. I wasn't there when she fell, only after, when she..." he trailed off. Saki stared at him, and Yuki felt as though his every thought were on display for her to read.  

"And Carrots?" Arisa pressed.  

"He arrived after me."  

"So, she was still alive when you both got there?"  

"Yes. She said something to Kyo, and... he kissed her," Yuki replied, relieved that his voice didn't betray his rising anger.  

"He WHAT?!?"  

Yuki looked up, startled. Saki was beaming, hands clasped together in front of her tear-soaked face. Arisa was grinning, leaning an arm onto Saki's shoulder, one eyebrow raised.  

"Damn, I didn't think Kyon was ever gonna make a move!"  

"Those two were in love for a very long time," Saki added wistfully.  

"Tell me about it," muttered Yuki, not entirely under his breath, as the four of them headed up the stairs to Tohru's room.  

Kazuma and Grandpa greeted them warmly, each smiling and bowing. Kyo was still, attention fully on Tohru. Hatori looked at Kazuma, who had stood up.  

"I'll be just downstairs," he said quietly, resting a hand on Kyo's back before leaving the room.  

"I'll wait downstairs, too," said Megumi, exchanging glances with his sister before following Kazuma down the stairs.  

Yuki, Saki, and Arisa took their places at Tohru's side, fresh tears coming to their eyes as they took in the sight of their best friend's body.  

"Darling Arisa, do you remember when I said if we ever lost our dear Tohru, I might not be able to smile for a year?" asked Saki, stroking Tohru's hair.  

"Yeah," sniffled Arisa.  

"I had hoped to never find out," cried Saki.  

"Yeah," affirmed Arisa, clasping her friend's hand in her own.  

Hatori explained the bathing procedure to everyone, describing how they were to take turns using the washcloth to cleanse her body, and showing them the portable basins they would be using. He told them he would help any time her body needed to be moved or adjusted during the process. He explained that the black silk fabric would remain on top of her to preserve her modesty, and matter-of-factly stated that he had placed gauze in all orifices and washed all sensitive areas before they arrived, earning a cough and a deep blush from Yuki. He also said that after the cleansing ritual, she would be dressed in her own clothing, rather than a traditional white kimono, at the request of her grandfather.  

Grandpa interjected to ask Arisa and Saki if they would pick out her outfit, and they immediately went to the closet, eventually selecting a pink floral minidress with puff sleeves and princess seams. Hatori took note of the half-zipper closure, and Arisa hung the dress from the door.  

Hatori then explained how her hair would be washed and styled, pausing to ask if anyone knew how she liked to wear her hair. Everyone looked at Saki, who agreed to wash and style her deceased friend's hair. Yuki suggested that they use the blue ribbon he had given her, and helped Saki locate it among Tohru’s things. Arisa took this opportunity to gather a pair of blue knee-socks to complete the ensemble. Hatori also asked if anyone felt comfortable doing her makeup, and Arisa volunteered.  

Hatori ended by giving an overview of Tohru's wounds, and how they would be treated during the cleansing. He carefully described how to clean her head wound and how it would affect the styling process, then he showed the adhesive he would use to bond the gashes on her arms. The room was solemn as they processed the injuries Tohru had sustained that morning, Arisa scowling and Saki placing a hand over her heart.  

Saki began by washing Tohru's hair gently in the basin provided by Hatori, then combing her conditioner through Tohru's long brown locks, silent tears running down her face the entire time. After rinsing the conditioner, she brushed the hair back into a loose twist and placed a towel under Tohru's head. Hatori refilled the basin at this time, then Saki gently cleansed Tohru's face and neck with the washcloth and freshened water.  

Saki passed the basin to Kyo so he could begin on her left arm. As he brought the washcloth to her shoulder, his eyes found the faint scars from his monstrous claws at the edge of the silk sheet, and he collapsed in tears, shattered by the knowledge that he had marked her permanently while in his true form. Saki and Grandpa each placed a hand on his back as he wept into Tohru's shoulder, and Hatori quietly brought the washcloth and basin to Arisa so Kyo could gather himself.  

Arisa gently cleansed Tohru's neck, chest, and stomach, before cleansing her right arm. She was careful as she dabbed the washcloth over the wounds left by Akito's knife, and she took Tohru's hand in her own when she was finished, placing the basin next to Yuki so he could continue the ritual. He rinsed the cloth, then slowly ran it over her right leg, beginning with her foot, passing the materials to Grandpa when he was done. When the basin made its way back to Kyo, he began by tenderly washing her scars before cleansing the rest of her arm, taking his time with each finger, remembering the feeling of his own fingers linked with hers. Hatori gently rolled her on her side so Kyo could bathe her back. He tried to memorize how every inch of her body felt beneath his hands. She was so small and delicate , he thought, as he was reminded of the fragile flower he had trampled when he’d been in the mountains.   

After Tohru's body had been fully washed, Hatori lifted her into a seated position so they could dress her. Kyo helped raise Tohru's arms, and Arisa slowly brought the dress over her arms and head. When it was pulled down to her waist, Arisa zipped it up and Hatori laid her gently back down.  

Hatori and Arisa quickly adjusted the skirt of the dress before removing the black sheet completely. Yuki quickly put on the blue socks Arisa had selected, and Hatori began gluing the skin on her arms, rendering the gashes near-invisible. Arisa began adding makeup, bearing in mind what Hatori had told her about the changes Tohru's skin would experience in the coming days. When all was finished, Tohru almost looked like she could be sleeping. Her cheeks were lightly pink, and her lips shone with a soft pink gloss. She wore natural-looking eye makeup in warm shades of brown, and looked very true to the Tohru they all knew.  

Saki then dried Tohru’s hair and curled a few locks before tying a section back with the blue ribbon from Yuki. She lifted Tohru's hair and draped it over her shoulders before Hatori laid her back down, this time placing her head on the small pillow that had been under the table.  

They all sat together, taking in the sight of their dearest friend, granddaughter, mother figure, and loved one, as she lay dead on her futon. After enough time had passed, Hatori moved her arms into prayer position, packed her body with dry ice, and covered her with a white sheet. He then placed a smaller white cloth over her face. Finally, he placed the knife at her side, and they all washed their hands and returned downstairs.  

Shigure had returned by now and sat at the chabudai looking through a binder and speaking quietly with Kazuma. Megumi stood in the kitchen, watching the group descend the stairs. As they all found places around the chabudai, a quiet solemnity settled between them, the reality of Tohru’s death hanging thick in the Spring air.  

Shigure was the first to break the silence, opening the binder. "If it's all right with everyone, now would be a good time to discuss her services."  

The group nodded and hummed their assent. Megumi went upstairs to keep watch over Tohru so everyone else could participate in the planning.  

"Since I was acting as her guardian for the past two years, I think it's more than reasonable for the Sohma family to handle the expenses and logistics of funeral services for our dear Tohru-kun. Don't you think, Honda-san?"  

Yuki gasped upon hearing the name he used to call Tohru, but quickly realized Shigure was addressing her grandfather.  

"Thank you, Shigure-san. That’s a very generous offer.”  

“Not at all. Please, allow us to do this for Tohru-kun.”  

“I suppose that would be all right."  

"Good. I have assurance from the head of the family that our staff can handle whatever you wish for Tohru-kun's services."  

Yuki tensed at mention of Akito, but no one commented. Shigure continued.  

"Now, we can have the staff do the standard funeral for when any member of the family dies, or we can do something more in line with her family's customs."  

"You all were as much a part of her family as I was. I trust your staff to provide a beautiful ceremony."  

"That's very kind of you, Honda-san. In that case, we can plan for the usual. Hatori, have you been in touch with the funeral staff at the estate?"  

"Yes. They're aware that we already cleansed and prepared the body and that it's been packed with ice. They are able to hold the public wake on Tuesday night at the earliest, with the funeral Wednesday morning."  

"So, her body will need to be kept here for two nights."  

"Yes. I will go home tonight and refresh her ice in the morning. The funeral staff will change it again at the encoffining on Tuesday before we transport the body to the venue."  

"You all are welcome to stay here until then." Shigure looked at Arisa, Saki, Kazuma, and Grandpa, who all nodded to indicate their intention to stay both nights.  

"Next, we should figure out who to contact."  

"My daughter, son-in-law, and other grandchildren are aware Tohru-san died this morning," Tohru's grandfather offered. "I will call them later with the dates and times of her services."  

"I spoke with Mayu this morning. She is notifying the school, and they will announce to students tomorrow. Uotani-san and Hanajima-san, are there any other students we should reach out to specifically?"  

"There's those two boys in second year. Prince, aren't they your cousins?"  

"Yes, Momiji and Haru."  

"We'll contact them along with the other members of the Sohma family. Is there anyone else from school we should call directly?"  

No one volunteered any names.  

"Moving on, I will contact the owner of the building where Tohru-kun worked, and he will make sure her coworkers are informed of her services," offered Hatori, knowing Momiji’s father would want to know about this, anyway.  

"I believe that brings us to the Sohmas."  

"I think most of the younger Zo- I mean, Sohmas were quite close with Tohru," Yuki began. "Kisa, Momiji, Haru, Rin, and Hiro especially. And Kagura will probably want to come, too. Kisa and Hiro's families might join, at least for the formal services."  

"We should also let Ayame know. He and Mine will certainly want to pay their respects," said Hatori.  

"Ritsu, and maybe his mother, too," added Yuki.  

"Which means we should notify Mitchan as well. She was rather fond of Tohru," smiled Shigure.  

"Kureno is in the hospital, so he won't be able to join us,” Hatori announced bluntly.  

At this, Saki and Arisa's eyes both went wide.  

"Is Kureno ok?" Arisa burst out; voice filled with worry.  

"Uotani-san, how do you know Kureno?" Yuki asked. First Hatori and Mayu, now Kureno and Arisa?  

"We met at my old job. He reminded me of Tohru. Same kind of stupid," she remarked, smiling fondly.  

"That makes no sense, he almost never left the estate!" Yuki exclaimed.  

"Yeah, I got the sense he didn't get out much. Now, are you gonna tell me if he's okay, or am I gonna have to make you?!" She raised a fist at Yuki.  

"He was injured badly this morning as well, but he'll be fine," Shigure said, eager to defuse the rising tension.  

"Uotani-kun, I can ask him if you'd like to visit," Hatori offered.  

Arisa nodded, trying to process that Kureno was seriously hurt, and that she might get to see him again after all.  

"Akito will also be unable to attend," Shigure said, as if Akito even wanted to come to Tohru's funeral.  

There was a beat of silence. Yuki and Hatori exchanged dark looks.  

Shigure checked his notes. "So, we've got the nine of us, Tohru's remaining family, Mayu-chan, Momiji, Kisa and her mom, Hiro and his family, Rin, Haru, Kagura, Ayame, Mine, Ri-chan and his mom, and Mit-chan, plus any classmates and coworkers who may want to come to the services. Of that list, who would we expect to join us here?"  

"Mayu said she would come by later today," said Hatori.  

Arisa and Yuki exchanged looks, trying to figure out how Shigure and Hatori knew their teacher well enough to address her so familiarly.  

"I think, once we call them, Momiji, Kisa, Hiro, Rin, and Haru will want to stay here until the services. I don't know about Kagura," Yuki offered.  

"I suspect Aaya will want to come as well, and Mine will probably join him, but they probably won't stay," said Shigure. "So, to summarize, Honda-san will call Tohru-kun's other relatives, Haa-san will contact her employer, Mayu-chan has notified the school, which leaves the other Sohmas and Mit-chan."  

"I'll call Momiji, Hiro, and Kisa's families, and I should probably be the one to call Ayame."  

"Good point, Haa-san."  

"I can have Kunimitsu notify Rin, Haru, and Kagura. He may also want to come pay his respects."  

"Much appreciated, Kazuma-dono. Which leaves Ri-chan and Mit-chan to me. Kazuma-dono, why don't you use the house phone first, since Haa-san can use his cell, and Honda-san and I need to know the details of the services before we make our calls."  

"That sounds wise. Thank you, Shigure-kun." Kazuma stepped out to make his call.  

"Yuki-kun, I hear you asked to take the lead in planning the services?"  

"Yes, I did."  

"In that case, why don't I pass this binder on to you, and you can let me know when you're ready to send the plans to the estate. It would be best if that were by tomorrow morning at the latest."  

Yuki nodded, taking note of the deadline on a page in the binder.  

"Last, someone will need to be responsible for the food offerings," said Shigure.  

"I can do that."  

Everyone looked at Kyo, surprised to hear his voice. He hadn't yet spoken a word to anyone since returning to the house.  

"I mean...she always seemed to like it when I cooked for her...not that she would let me do it very often. And I know better than to let you or Shishou or that damn rat cook." He blushed, realizing he had cursed in front of Tohru's grandfather. "Sorry, jii-san. They really can't be trusted near a stove."  

"Don't worry, young man." Grandpa chuckled. "It would make Tohru-san so happy if you were to cook for her again."  

"Well, that's that, then. Kyo-kun will oversee the food offerings. Kyo-kun, how about making lunch for all of us?"  

Kyo paused. "Yeah. I can do that. How many are we at again? Eight? Nine?"  

"Yes, nine," confirmed Saki, thinking of her brother upstairs.  

"Dinner will be much bigger, but we can always get take-out if it's too much," suggested Shigure.  

"After lunch, maybe we can discuss the details of the service?" Yuki looked at his classmates for confirmation.  

They nodded, and Kyo wiped his eyes as he stood up and went to the kitchen. Yuki turned to Grandpa.  

"O-, I mean Grandpa, would you mind going through some of the decisions with me before I bring it to the others?"  

"I'd be happy to, young man."  

Yuki examined the binder. He must have looked overwhelmed, because Grandpa put a hand on his shoulder.  

"You've done so much for her. For now, let's just take it one step at a time."  

So, they went through the binder together. Grandpa deferred to Yuki on most items, only requesting that her remains be placed in the family grave with her parents and grandmother, and eventually himself as well, to which Yuki quickly agreed. Grandpa suggested creating an altar for her here at the house, since this was the place she called home for the past two years. This meant her remains would come back here before being taken to the family grave. They decided to let the Sohma staff choose the food to serve all the guests after the wake.  

Some of the decisions were more complicated. Yuki assumed her family would all be at the front and would handle speaking and gifts. But Grandpa reminded him that they never treated Tohru like family, and insisted he would be much happier to see Yuki, Kyo, Shigure, Arisa, and Saki in the roles reserved for immediate family. Yuki eventually agreed on the condition Grandpa was also included.  

Grandpa also suggested that Yuki be the one to say a word of thanks to the other guests at the wake. Yuki wondered how much Grandpa knew about his relationship with Tohru, and if he sensed that she had been a mother figure for him. He reluctantly agreed, making a note to check how the others felt about this.  

"Now, since the Sohma family is paying the funeral costs, I believe you should also accept the monetary gifts from the mourners."  

"Oh, no, O-jiisan, we couldn't possibly-"  

"I insist. They can go toward the cost of the funeral. And if the family isn't able to accept that, perhaps you and her other friends could think of a suitable memorial for her."  

Yuki didn’t know what to say. "That's... that’s incredibly thoughtful, thank you so much, O- Grandpa."  

"Anyway," Grandpa continued, "I know I'm not long for this world, but I want you young folks to be able to honor and remember Tohru-chan for many years to come. I'll always be grateful that she had you."  

Yuki looked down as he started crying. Grandpa placed both hands back on Yuki's shoulders and gave him a gentle squeeze. Yuki gave a watery smile and bowed his head once more in thanks.  

Kyo made a simple curry for lunch, and Saki made the rice and miso soup. Arisa tossed together a basic salad and grabbed some pickles from the fridge. Kyo put together a tray to bring to Tohru, his breath catching as he stuck the chopsticks straight up into the rice, yet another reminder that Tohru was dead, and his world had changed forever. When he got upstairs, he let Megumi know lunch was ready, although the younger boy insisted on staying with Tohru until someone else could come.  

Hatori and Shigure ate quickly and relieved Megumi of his post. When Megumi got downstairs and served himself lunch, Arisa, Saki, Kyo, Yuki, Grandpa, and Kazuma were already at the chabudai eating.  

"Nice work, Carrots," Arisa said with a grin, taking another bite of the curry.  

"Yes, it's a comfort to know you cooked such delicious meals for our dear Tohru while she was still among the living," Saki intoned as Megumi sat down next to her.  

Kyo looked at them warily, surprised at the praise. "Like I said, it's not like she would let me if she could help it. But thanks."  

Kazuma couldn't help the smile that came to his face.  

Chapter Text

Soon, the house was abuzz with visitors.  

Momiji arrived first. He looked incredibly handsome and grown up in a black suit and skinny black tie, and he greeted everyone with a smile, although it lacked his usual brightness, and his eyes were red and watery.  

When he went upstairs to see Tohru, Shigure and Hatori left to give Momiji some privacy. He took a long, deep breath, then bent down to kiss her forehead through the white fabric, kneeling at her side, stroking her shoulder gently.  

"Tohru," he whispered, tears cascading from his hazel eyes. " Mein Herz ."  

Haru arrived next, waiting in the living room next to Yuki, eyes on his cousin, assessing how he was doing.  

When Rin arrived, accompanied by Kunimitsu, Haru immediately cradled her in his arms. She broke down in his embrace, and Haru rubbed her back and whispered gently in her ear. They went up to see Tohru together, both choosing to sit against the wall rather than on the zabutons at her bedside. Rin leaned her head against Haru, who put a protective arm around her.  

Kisa arrived next, already falling apart. She dashed up to Tohru's room, crying "O-neechan!" when she saw Tohru's body. Haru scooped her up into a hug and held her tight while she cried, then put her down on the cushion next to Momiji, who took her hand, stroking it with his thumb. Haru was already back with his arms around Rin when Kisa reached out and held Tohru's arm gently.  

Hiro came next, eyes glistening, and quietly sat down next to Kisa, tentatively taking her free hand. She gave a long squeeze once their fingers had woven together, and he blushed deeply.  

Yuki and Kyo joined them soon after, and all the youngest Zodiacs were together.  

"She really brought us together, didn't she?" mused Haru.  

"Yeah, she really did," agreed Hiro, sniffling.  

Nods of agreement and hums of assent filled the room, fading into a silence punctuated only by sniffles and dabbing of handkerchiefs at wet eyes.  

"She was trying to break the curse," Rin said, quietly.  

Everyone turned to look at her.  

"I tried to get her to stop, but you know how she was when she made up her mind about something. She was doing it for you, Kyo."  

Kyo gulped as tears stung behind his eyes once again.  

"She said you were what was most important to her. I don't know if she got to tell you that. She loved you, and she was willing to do anything to stop you from going into that cage this spring!"  

"What?!" Kyo reeled. How did Tohru even know about the Cat’s House?  

"I said, she wasn't going to let you get locked up! She didn't want anyone or anything to take you from her. That's what she said!" Rin insisted.  

Kyo's mouth hung open. He hadn't had any clue of the lengths to which Tohru had gone, of what she had been willing to risk, all for him. It broke his heart that she had taken on so much, like she always did, while he still had tried to push her away.  

"Well, now it's up to us to make sure that doesn't happen," said Momiji quietly.  

Everyone murmured their assent, but Kyo scowled. "Aren't you forgetting something?" he asked bitterly. "None of you will be able to do a thing about it if Akito gives the order."  

Hiro swallowed. "That's...that's not entirely true."  

Slowly, six faces turned to stare at him.  

After a long silence, Yuki voiced the question on everyone's mind, his tone measured and cautious. "What do you mean by that, Hiro?"  

Hiro gulped, louder this time. "My...my curse broke." A collective gasp filled the room. "Just this morning. My mom was making breakfast, and suddenly I felt completely alone. Like, I hadn't realized there was this other being who was always with me until they were gone, and I should have been happy and relieved, but it was so much more complicated than that."  

"That's exactly what it felt like for me, too," Momiji said, voice still quiet, as six pairs of eyes snapped to him. "I hadn't realized how lonely it would be until they were gone."  

"When... when did yours break?" asked Hiro.  

"A few weeks ago," Momiji replied. Rin looked furious, Kyo's mouth was agape once more, Kisa's hand was over her mouth, and everyone else continued staring in shock. "I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew you were all still bound. I thought it would be unkind. And I'm not as brave as you, Hiro," he added, smiling sadly at the youngest of the Zodiac.  

Hiro blushed furiously once again. Kisa beamed at him. "Hiro-chan, this means you can finally hold Hinata!" Hiro smiled, thinking of how he held his sister for the first time that morning.  

Momiji looked incredibly sad at this, but he quickly asked, "Well, did anyone else's curse break?"  

"Kureno!" Rin said suddenly. "Shigure told me. He said something about this being the final banquet, he thinks the curse will break eventually, within our lifetime. Tohru got so angry at him!"  

"What?!" said Kyo and Yuki in unison. They knew how rare it was for Tohru to show anger.  

"Yeah, she did! She said 'eventually' wasn't good enough, that it has to break by graduation, and he figured out it was because of the Cat's House. He asked if she wanted to save you, Kyo, and she started crying and ran away."  

" That's why she was so upset that day?!" Kyo reeled.  

"Shigure isn't exactly the most diplomatic," muttered Yuki.  

The group murmured their assent.  

“So that means...” Hiro thought out loud, “all of you will have your curse break within your lifetime.”  

Everyone took in this information, their grief for Tohru now joining anxiousness, relief, excitement, dread, and several other emotions as they considered what it would mean for their curses to break.  

After a long silence, Kisa spoke up. "O-niichan?" Her small voice sounded so timid as she looked at Kyo with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. You've never been treated fairly by the Sohmas. By us. We should have said something before now."  

"It's ok-" Kyo began.  

"It's not," said Hiro. "We treated you as less than because it helped us accept our own curse. But that wasn't fair. It isn't fair. We can't let them lock you away!"  

"Akito shut me in there for months after the new year. It was awful. I won’t let you or anyone else see the inside of that horrible place." Rin's voice shook with fear and anger as she spoke, and several others gasped when she said what Akito had done.  

"We've got you, Kyo," said Haru, clapping a firm hand on Kyo's shoulder.  

Kyo felt gratitude fill the cracks in his heart. He hadn't realized how much closer he'd become to his cousins until now, and it overwhelmed him. Tohru had changed all of them. She had united them.  

"She did. Tell me, I mean," he said to Rin, wiping his tears on his sleeve. "This morning. And I... I was an idiot. I'm such a coward. I loved her, so much, but I was never supposed to fall in love, you know? And I couldn't deal with having to say goodbye when I went to that place , and I was so afraid of hurting her, and...well..."  

Around the room, everyone bowed their heads solemnly.  

"I hurt her, again ." His voice broke. "Because I was so scared, I pushed her away. I caused her so much pain, and I wish I could take it all back. I wish I never made her cry. I wish I never hurt her."  

Yuki was staring daggers at him.  

"I guess I'm trying to say thanks," Kyo finished.  

"You shouldn't thank us, O-nii-chan. We’ve been awful," wept Kisa.  

"This is like, the bare minimum of being a decent human being," grumbled Hiro.  

"Most of us tried to push her away at one point, too," admitted Rin.  

"Remember when I stole her pocketbook with the picture of her mom?" Hiro asked, smiling sheepishly.  

"You were kind of a brat to her, Hiro!" Momiji teased, eyes twinkling.  

"I was scared she was going to take Kisa from me!" Hiro scowled, blushing once more at his admission of jealousy.  

"And I wasn't any better! I bit her – twice! And I was in my tiger form, so it really hurt!" Kisa insisted.  

"Ha'ri tried to warn her not to involve herself any more with the family," Momiji remembered.  

"I did, too!" Rin nodded.  

"Bet you weren't as nice about it," winked Haru.  

“That would be an understatement,” murmured Yuki, remembering the shouting match Rin and Tohru had had in this very room.  

Arisa and Saki came in, and the cousins exchanged several nervous glances as they wondered exactly what the two had overheard.  

“What’s all this liveliness?” asked Arisa, met with sighs of relief.  

“Just talking about how we all tried to push Tohru away at first,” said Momiji.  

"Oh, we pulled that same shit, too!” Arisa exclaimed, “I yelled at her an' her mom the first time they had me over. Didn't stop Tohru from savin' my ass from those older girls."  

"Yes, and I warned Tohru and Arisa that I would only cause them trouble,” Saki reminisced. “Of course, Tohru, being the humble and generous soul that she was, immediately started worrying whether she was the kind of person who caused trouble for her friends and vowed to be a more worthy candidate for my friendship, as though she could ever cause anyone trouble. She was impossible to push away."  

The group smiled at the thought.  

"You hear that, Kyon? She's been dealin’ with assholes like us," Arisa gestured around the room, "tryin’ to push her away for years ," she spoke with a grin.  

"She loved you, Kyo. And I know you loved her. I did, too, very much." The whole room stared at Momiji. He had never told anyone aside from Kyo about his feelings for Tohru. "She was such a source of warmth and happiness for all of us, and she was taken far too soon. It hurts to lose someone you love so suddenly. It hurts more than watching my Mutti forget me, and more than not being able to know my sister." He paused to dry his eyes on a yellow handkerchief. "But you don't have to feel that way by yourself, ja ?"  

"Well said, Blondie!" Arisa responded. The group murmured their assent.  

And it finally dawned on Kyo: he wasn't uniquely broken. His cousins had all struggled with letting people in, and Tohru had stubbornly stuck with them anyway. And out of all the people in the world, she had fallen for him.  

How cruel was it that only now, with Tohru gone, did he understand this? How tragic that only now could he dare to hope for a future where he wasn't locked up this spring? She was the only future he had ever wanted, and now, she was gone.  

Kyo’s eyes began to leak again, and before he knew it, Momiji was gripping him in a tight hug. Both boys bawled as Momiji held Kyo, and they felt several hands on their backs as their cousins and classmates gathered around them in support.  

Most of them, anyway.  

Yuki was still fuming over the events of that morning. He was so angry that Kyo had hurt Tohru. He made her cry , and then he ran away.  

Haru watched Yuki thoughtfully, aware something was troubling his cousin beyond the loss of his friend. They made eye contact, and Haru gestured to the door.  

Tohru's grandpa was resting in Yuki's room, so they went to the balcony while everyone else's attention remained on Kyo and Momiji.  

"So," Haru said, closing the door behind him.  

"So." Yuki replied, a scowl on his face.  

"Somethin’ happen between you and him?"  

"Something happened between the two of them ."  

"Ah. So you're angry for Honda."  

"Yes."  

"Well, what happened?"  

"I don't know the whole story, but she finally told him how she felt. She said she loved him! And the idiot ran away and made her cry ! That stupid cat made her cry !" Yuki was pacing, agitated.  

"Ah. So, she was mad at him?"  

"No," Yuki stopped pacing and scowled.  

Haru shot Yuki a questioning look.  

"She comforted him," Yuki folded his arms. "And then he kissed her."  

"That kitten kissed her?" Haru let out a low whistle.  

"I mean, it was after she fell, just before she died."  

"And you wanted to kiss her?" Haru raised an eyebrow.  

"NO!" Yuki bellowed, turning bright red. "Dammit, Haru!"  

"So, what's the problem?"  

"The problem is that...that...Honda-san is gone !" his voice broke in anguish. "She's gone and her last day was so painful, because of him , because he hurt her, Haru!"  

Haru thought for a minute. "Damn. That's gotta be rough for Kyo."  

Yuki balked at this. " What the hell do you mean? " he spat.  

"Think about it. He was trying to do what he thought was right, to save them both more pain down the line, even if he went about it all wrong. And right after he does, she falls, and he watches her die? He just told us he feels guilty. We know he's heartbroken. He's never gonna get to apologize. He's hurting enough already."  

Yuki glared. Haru was right, but he was still angry. "...I guess. But it’s not like he's not the only one hurting."  

"Yeah, but you don't have to make it worse."  

Yuki was silent.  

"Did you ask Tohru what happened?"  

"No."  

Haru gazed out at the yard. "Have you thought about asking him?"  

Yuki gave him an incredulous look. Haru put his hands up.  

"I'm just sayin'. Maybe if you heard his side, it would be easier to accept."  

"We'll see. He's still an idiot. Stupid cat."  

"Yeah, but we're all kind of idiots." Haru leaned on the railing. "I've given Rin more than a lifetime’s worth of trouble. Some days, I can't believe she still wants me."  

Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"  

"Did you know when she was in the hospital last year, it was because I told Akito about our relationship? The sick bastard pushed her out of a window!" Haru’s voice was quiet, but it shook with suppressed rage. Yuki had never heard his cousin this angry, even when he turned dark. "Rin's been trying to break the curse so we can be together. Logically, she would have been so much better off letting go of me. But she did everything she did so we could be together.” Haru kicked the air. “Love won't listen to reason."  

Yuki sighed. He knew his cousin was right.  

"Anyway, try and go easy on him. If you need to complain to someone, just give me the word."  

"Thanks, Haru. You're always taking care of people. I hope you've got someone looking out for you."  

"I do. And you look out for me plenty. But right now, my job is to be here for you, and everyone else who was closer to Honda than I was. I mean, she was great, and cute, and I always enjoyed hangin’ out with her. But you, and Rin, and Kyo, Momiji, Kisa, those scary girls she was friends with...you were all so much closer to her. Let the rest of us take care of you right now."  

"Thanks, Haru," Yuki replied, genuinely touched.  

"You got it. You know I'd do anything for you, Yuki," Haru winked.  

"Dammit, Haru!"  

Eventually, they went back in, and Yuki asked Arisa, Saki, and Kyo to gather in Kyo's room so they could speak privately. They went through the list one item at a time. Kyo stared sadly at Tohru’s bed, unprepared to see it there.  

"Okay, so first, here's what O-jiisan and I discussed." Yuki read through the items he’d discussed with Tohru’s grandfather earlier, double checking that everyone was ok with him speaking the word of thanks at the end.  

"Prince, you're the natural pick. I don't know why you're so surprised."  

"Yes, you're by far the most eloquent speaker among Tohru's beloved kin."  

Yuki looked at Saki skeptically, unsure whether she was joking. "Well, if you're sure."  

"We are," both girls agreed.  

"All right. Moving on: does anyone have thoughts on flowers? Chrysanthemums or lilies are traditional, usually in yellow or white."  

"The mums suit her better."  

"I agree. Perhaps we should include some pink flowers as well."  

"Just pink?"  

"Pink and yellow," said Kyo, speaking up for the first time.  

"All right," Yuki added pink and yellow chrysanthemums to his notes.  

"Does anyone have a picture in mind for the display?"  

"I know just the one!" said Arisa brightly, turning to Saki. "Remember that one from first year, she was sittin’ on a rock with a sunflower, smilin’ that dopey smile of hers?"  

"Darling Arisa, I remember it as though it were yesterday."  

"All right. Uotani-san, can you make sure we have a framed copy of that picture?"  

"I'm on it, Prince."  

"Gifts for the guests. Typically it's a handkerchief or hand towel."  

"Let's do a handkerchief with a rice ball pattern, for Tohru," suggested Saki.  

"I'll ask Ayame if he can make or source those," said Yuki. "Now for some of the trickier questions. Who should come to the front in place of her immediate family?"  

"The four of us, of course. And gramps. Maybe that novelist, too?"  

"He was her guardian, after all."  

"Anyone else?"  

Silence.  

"Ok. With that in mind, we have to decide on the seating arrangement. Typically, those closest to the deceased will sit nearest to the front."  

"Kyo should be seated first," said Saki firmly.  

Everyone looked at her, stunned.  

"Hanajima, I-"  

"It's what Tohru wanted," she stated as if it were the most obvious truth in the world.  

"You heard her, boys, Carrots is first."  

"But I-"  

"It's what Tohru wanted," said Saki, with a quiet ferocity that chilled even Arisa. No one was going to argue with that. 

"Okay, so first Kyo, then-"  

"Then Gramps," said Arisa firmly.   

"Ok, and then..."  

"Perhaps after that, we should sit in the order we met her," offered Saki. "That means Arisa would be next, then me, then you, if you can accept sitting after us."  

"That's fine," said Yuki. "Since Shigure-san will be joining us in acting as Tohru's immediate family, he can be after me. And I think Kisa, Momiji, and Rin should all have the chance to go soon after."  

“It would mean a lot to Momiji to go next,” Kyo offered.  

"Oh, and she absolutely adored Kisa-chan. Put her after Blondie," Arisa smiled.  

“She’ll want to sit with Hiro-chan,” said Saki, having noticed the two together in Tohru’s room.  

"That's fine. Rin and Haru can go after them," suggested Yuki.  

They continued like this, next seating Kazuma, Hatori, Mayu-sensei, Ayame and Mine, Tohru's other relatives, Kagura, Ritsu, and then open seating for her coworkers, classmates, other Sohmas, and additional guests like Mitsuru, Kunimitsu and Saki and Arisa's families.  

"Is this all acceptable?" he made eye contact to confirm with everyone before moving to the final item.  

"Last, neither Grandpa nor the Sohma family will accept the monetary gifts of condolence. Grandpa suggested we create some kind of memorial for Honda-san that we all can visit after her death, since she'll be laid to rest in her family grave. Does anyone have any ideas?"  

The group was quiet.  

"I did have an idea," said Yuki, when no one else spoke up. "We don't have to do it, but maybe it will get us started."  

"Let's hear it, Prince," said Arisa.  

"Honda-san and I used to garden together. We had a small vegetable plot out back. I was thinking, what if we made a more permanent garden in her memory?"  

"That's a lovely idea, Yuki-kun."  

"Oh, and we should totally plant flowers for butterflies! Then, it's like her mom can visit, too!"  

"Kyo-kun, what do you think?" asked Saki.  

Kyo was quiet for a moment, deep in thought. "She was kinda like a flower, wasn't she?"   

The group waited for him to elaborate.  

"...or I always thought so, anyway. It's kind of stupid, but it's like... knowin’ her is what let hope grow in me. Maybe in all of us. And she kept stubbornly gettin’ us to hope again and again, no matter how hard we fought it, like-" he paused, emotion trapping the rest in his throat.  

“Like a perennial, blooming again each year,” finished Saki.  

"That's our Tohru," said Arisa, smiling sadly.  

"She never gave up on the people she loved," agreed Saki. After a moment, she turned to Yuki. "We should plant vegetables in the garden, too. She'd have liked to see you continue that."  

"All right. I'll talk to Grandpa and see what he thinks. Anything else?"  

"Thanks for takin’ charge, Prince. We needed your level head today."  

"Yes, thank you, Yuki-kun."  

Kyo nodded his assent, still trying to regain his voice.  

"Kyo-kun, a word?" asked Saki.  

Kyo and Arisa both raised an eyebrow at her. "In private?" she added, and Arisa exchanged glances with Yuki before the two of them quickly shuffled out.  

"What d’you want?" Kyo mumbled, more harshly than he intended, tucking his head so he wouldn’t have to look at her face.  

"You asked me last year if I could see ghosts. Alas, I still do not possess spiritual power, but Tohru's waves were quite strong in her final moments, and I believe she would want you to know what she was thinking."  

Kyo looked directly at Saki, pain and heartbreak etched on every inch of his young face. He gulped and nodded, eyes already leaking.  

"It's very important to our dear Tohru that you keep moving forward. Even if it's without her, she wants you to keep going. Even if it's slow, even if you take the long way around, even if you make mistakes. She is so happy she met you. Your smile, your blushes, your awkward kindness, they all brought her a happiness that blossomed into love." Tears streamed down both of their faces. "She ran after you that day last year because she already loved you desperately. You were what was most precious to her. She loved you so much and is so sorry for any pain or hardship her feelings caused you." Kyo sniffled loudly at this, shaking his head, because of course Tohru worried about causing him pain after he was the one who hurt her. "She wants you to know that just as the happy times inevitably end, the sad and scary times will end, too. Please, don't give up. Please, live ." Saki's voice broke on the last word, and Kyo realized she knew how broken he was, what he was thinking of doing after Tohru was placed in her family grave. He sobbed harder than he had all day, and she simply sat next to him, silent tears streaming down her face, bearing witness to Kyo’s grief. She stayed, seated beside him, until they both had regained some composure.  

"Kyo-kun, Tohru was most precious to you," Saki stated, never explaining how she knew this. "She was most precious to me, too. She was and is loved so dearly by so many. And you were loved by her, so you must understand that every single person who truly cherished Tohru also cares deeply about you."  

"You don't know that!" Kyo cried.  

"I do know!" Kyo jumped. He had never heard Saki this fierce. "Or do you forget to whom you speak?” Her voice grew fiercer still. “I know beyond any modicum of doubt that every single person in this house, in their way, wants to see you thrive. It's going to be so incredibly hard and painful without Tohru, but you must keep moving forward. We must both keep moving forward. If not for ourselves, for her. For our precious flower, our hope, our dear Tohru." Saki was crying once more by the time she finished, and Kyo put an awkward hand on her head.  

"Hanajima... thanks."  

"I am but a messenger," she replied, voice back to its usual coolness.  

They sat quietly for a few more minutes, and Kyo's hand remained awkwardly on Saki's head.  

"Oi," said Kyo when he finally removed his hand. "You know how to cook, right?"  

"Yes, I can cook."  

"Wanna help with dinner?"  

And with that, the two of them made their way downstairs, eyes still red and puffy, to cook for the crowd that had gathered to mourn the person they both had loved most.

Chapter Text

At Haru’s request, they made ginger pork for dinner. Kyo found Saki to be a great partner in the kitchen, as if she were anticipating his every move (which, he quickly realized, she probably was).  

Mayu-sensei had arrived and was talking with Hatori and Shigure in the hall; both Mayu and Hatori were pinching the bridges of their nose while Shigure grinned from behind his paper fan. Kagura, Ayame, and Mine had also arrived; Ayame’s expressive voice rang through the house as Yuki asked him and Mine about the handkerchiefs, and Kagura talked with Kazuma and Kunimitsu about her classes at the dojo, and sneaking side glances at Kyo when she thought he wasn’t looking.  

They easily fed the crowd of nearly twenty that had gathered, and Kyo delivered a new offering to Tohru.  

Hiro, Megumi, and Kisa took note of who would stay the night and began planning everyone's sleeping arrangements. Hatori, Mayu, Ayame, Mine, and Kunimitsu all planned to head home, and no more guests were expected to come to the house. Those five rotated through Tohru's room while the rest ate dinner.  

"Shishou, it's ok if you need to go back. I'll be all right," Kyo told his father figure.  

"I'd be happy to stay, Kyo. Whatever you'd prefer," Kazuma replied.  

Kyo mulled it over, then asked, "If you went home, when would you come back?"  

"First thing. Kunimitsu will be there in my place for the remainder of the week."  

"That's right!" Kunimitsu called out brightly from the stairwell.  

"You didn't have to do that!" Kyo felt guilty that they were going to so much trouble for him.  

"I did." Kazuma said gently. "Please understand, she was special to me, too."   

Kyo frowned, realizing he hadn’t considered Shishou’s feelings. "All right," he said. "Stay here. Please."  

Kazuma squeezed his son's shoulder before seeing Kunimitsu out.  

Yuki insisted on allowing Grandpa to use his bed again, and offered to stay with the other boys so Grandpa could have a room to himself. None of the boys wanted to stay in Tohru's bed, so eventually Arisa and Saki claimed it, and the three other girls planned to share futons in Kyo's room.  

This put the boys downstairs. Megumi wisely suggested that early risers take the living room, and night owls stay in Shigure's room. This seemed to work for everyone – Kyo, Kazuma, Hiro, and Megumi would be in the living room, and Shigure, Momiji, Yuki, and Haru would be in Shigure's room.  

"Hang on, who's going to stay with her at night?" asked Rin, once the sleeping arrangements had been finalized.  

"We'll take shifts," said Hiro, fully in his element. "Some of us will stay up late, some of us will wake up early, and some of us will have to take a shift in the middle of the night. And we'll need to do it again tomorrow, so half of us can cover tonight, and half of us can cover tomorrow. If we have two people per shift, that leaves two people to make breakfast." He blushed as Kisa beamed at him.  

Kagura and Megumi signed up for breakfast duty. They decided to work together both mornings to accommodate the large crowd.  

As the group finished assigning shifts, Hatori and Mayu came downstairs holding hands. All the Kaibara High students broke their conversations and stared; more than one gasped. When Mayu realized what had happened, her cheeks reddened and she looked at Hatori, who simply grinned at her. Momiji's eyes twinkled as he happily took in the sight of Hatori smiling wider than he had in years. Arisa shouted, "Way to go, sensei!" with a roguish grin. Yuki and Kyo blushed and looked at the floor. Saki smiled serenely. Haru let out a low whistle. Shigure burst out laughing.  

"All right, all right, that's enough," said Mayu, obviously flustered. Still, she couldn't help but return Hatori’s grin.  

With the mood considerably lightened, people began sharing their favorite stories of Tohru. They ran the gamut of emotions as they reminisced about their dear friend, from raucous laughter to heartfelt smiles to sorrowful tears. People especially took interest in the stories Grandpa, Arisa, and Saki shared, since they had known Tohru the longest. Everyone had a story of Tohru's kindness, or her fierce love for others, or her innocent charm, or her airheaded clumsiness and tendency to get into ridiculous situations. Grandpa also told stories of Tohru's parents, as only a few had known her mother, and no one else had met her father.  

Eventually, Grandpa went upstairs to relieve Ayame and Mine of their post, and the conversation turned to how everyone had first met Tohru. Mayu and Hatori left together after Hatori shared his riddle about snow, and Tohru's perfect response. Kisa skipped over the part where she had been a tiger, but there wasn't a dry eye in the room when she had finished telling of how Tohru had cared for her when she had been bullied to the point of silence.  

Haru unashamedly told everyone how he crashed the school race to challenge Kyo to a fight, and Tohru had thought he was an elderly man because of his white hair. Yuki was relieved Mayu-sensei had left by then – she would have given them an earful!  

Hiro reddened when he recounted his harassment of Tohru out of jealousy. Kisa took his hand and encouraged him to tell the rest of the story, of how Tohru had encouraged him to grow into a prince.  

And Hiro's flush was nothing compared to the shade of red that engulfed Kyo as he recounted crashing through the ceiling to challenge Yuki to a fight, only for Tohru to slip and fall into him!  

"That's a real special meet-cute, Kyon," smirked Arisa, punching him on the arm.  

"Yeah, maybe not my finest moment," Kyo muttered, turning an even deeper shade of maroon.  

"You have to tell the rest of the story!" cried Shigure gleefully. "It gets so much funnier!"  

"Shut UP!" Kyo yelled, shaking his fist threateningly.  

"Aw, Carrots, don't leave us hangin’!"  

So, Kyo hid his face and told about how, later that same morning, he punched the chabudai in two only for a piece to hit Tohru square in the forehead.  

"Damn, that was you?" Arisa was laughing. "She definitely didn't tell us that!"  

"Yeah, yeah, I was an idiot."  

" Was ?" Yuki snickered.  

"But wait! There's more!" Shigure was clutching his sides from laughing so hard.  

Kyo shot both of his housemates a glare, then continued with how he yelled at Tohru when she tried to stop him fighting Yuki at school, and ran home early, ashamed of how he kept losing his temper at her. After hearing some actual decent advice from Shigure for once (earning a whiny retort from Shigure) he decided to pick Tohru up from work, only for her to mistake him for a pervert and hit him in the face with her bag.  

"That was no mistake," teased Hiro, earning a whoop from Arisa and a grin from several others.  

Kyo rolled his eyes before continuing, "but after all that, she told me she would really like to be my friend." He paused, scratching the back of his neck before smiling as he remembered. "She actually told me she loved me, right then." His eyes welled up. "Not that she meant it like that, she didn't say it like that until today," he gulped. Around the room, he saw eyes glistening as expressions turned soft and tender. "Yeah. She told me she loved me today. And I loved her. I still do. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. She was everything to me." He hung his head and took a shaky breath. "Anyway, after that night, she was my best friend."  

"Well, what did you say?" asked Kisa.  

"I told her she was nuts to want to be my friend," said Kyo.  

"No, idiot. What did you say to her today?" asked Arisa.  

Everyone but Yuki was leaning in, hanging on every word from Kyo.  

"I..." he stumbled. "Well, I still thought she must be crazy. I mean, who would pick me to fall in love with, out of everyone in the world?"  

Kagura ran from the room in tears. Rin gave him an annoyed glare before following her friend.  

"Shit, that was..." he gathered himself, and turned back to his story. "I didn't take it very well. I ran."  

"You ran?!" Hiro snorted.  

"Yeah, well, we're not all lucky enough to fall in love with another Zo-" he yelped as Yuki elbowed him hard in the rib. "With another Sohma," he amended. Haru smiled at Rin, pulling her closer. Hiro and Kisa both blushed furiously, eyes on the tatami floor. "I was just so scared, I didn't want her to get hurt.”  

"We heard this part already!" yelled Arisa. Kyo scowled at her before going on.  

"Anyway, I heard someone cry for help, and I ran to her. Yuki was there and told me she had a bad head injury. I thought she was already dead, but she reached out, and touched my face, and told me not to worry, that everything was gonna be okay."  

Around the room, listeners were holding their breath, afraid to even blink.  

"I... I think she saved my life when she said that," Kyo reflected. "The last person I saw die told me she'd never forgive me." Several people exchanged serious glances at this statement. "And everyone blamed me for my mom's death before that. But Tohru-" he choked down a sob. "Tohru, she was the one dyin’, but she comforted me . She told me it was gonna be okay. Even though it's not okay, because she's gone ," he cried, his tears now flowing freely. "But she wanted me to be okay. She needed me to be okay."  

"What did you do next?" asked Arisa breathlessly, wanting to hear of her friend’s first kiss directly from Kyo.  

"Well, uh, I took her hand and told her it's okay, I understand, and that she didn't need to talk anymore. And then," he wiped his eyes and sniffled, blushing slightly, "I kissed her."  

Thankfully, no one teased him. In fact, several people were beaming at him.  

"O-niichan," Kisa cried as she flung herself around Kyo, wrapping him in a tight hug.  

Slowly, Kyo felt more hands around him. Nearly the entire room embraced him. He sobbed, once more wrapped in love by his family.  

Miraculously, or perhaps due to some clever maneuvering from the Sohmas (and Saki, probably), no one transformed during the group hug.  

Arisa and Momiji started cleanup while Rin and Haru went up to relieve Grandpa of his duty and start their shift with Tohru.  

Kyo and Kazuma moved the chabudai to the corner, turning it on its side, and Yuki distributed the spare futons. Kunimitsu had brought some extras from the dojo, so there were more than enough for everyone, with some sharing doubles. Yuki went upstairs to grab clothes for the morning before everyone headed to their assigned rooms for the night.  

Kazuma put a hand on Kyo's shoulder and pulled him into a hug.  

"I'm so proud of you, Kyo," he said as they walked up the stairs to grab clothing for Kyo.  

"What'd I do?" Kyo asked, genuinely confused.  

"You are staying present, even though it's painful. And look how people responded when you opened up."  

"Yeah..." mused Kyo. "I wish it didn't have to be so painful, though."   

"It hurts so much precisely because of the strength of your love for each other. That love is a gift, even if it seems unbearable right now."  

They continued up the stairs in silence. Kyo stopped at the top, looking at his adoptive father nervously.  

"Shishou? Can I show you somethin’?"  

"Please." Kazuma smiled warmly and gestured for Kyo to go ahead.  

The two of them sat side-by-side on the roof overlooking the city.  

"This was kind of our spot," Kyo shared.  

"Is that so?"  

"Yeah. I came up here a lot, and she'd sometimes join me. Or sometimes she'd already be up here. I told her about you the first time she found me up here."  

Kazuma smiled.  

"She was so cute. I was worried she would find it boring, listenin’ to me talk about karate, but she insisted she really was interested, and said she even knew a few moves. 'Right hand jab!'" Kyo mimicked her pathetic attempt at a punch, and Kazuma chuckled. "We came up here with Yuki for our first New Years together to watch the sunrise and make wishes," Kyo continued. "And another time," he paused, then smacked his palm to his forehead. "I am such an idiot!"  

Kazuma calmly waited for Kyo to continue.  

"Ugh, I can't believe I didn't get it! She was sayin’ somethin’ about wantin’ to be with the person you love, and I thought she was talkin' about someone, like she had a crush on somebody. I told her I'd be there for her when she found that person. And then she started cryin’!" Kyo was furious with himself. "I never would have thought she was tryin' to confess to me!" He looked at Kazuma with pleading eyes. "How many times did I hurt her like that?"  

Kazuma squeezed his son's shoulder. "I know you brought her immense happiness. She said as much to me herself."  

Kyo's eyes went wide. "When?"  

"She came to see me after your beach trip. She had decided to try and break the curse."  

Kyo had already heard about Tohru's efforts from Rin, but he would never have guessed how early she had started, or that she had gone to Kazuma about it.   

"What I want you to remember is that you made her incredibly happy. She loved you fiercely, and she wanted nothing more than to be by your side."  

They sat in silence for a while longer.  

"Do you remember, last year, you asked me to think about my future?" Kyo asked, in a small voice.  

"Yes, I do."  

"I tried not to, because of what happens at the end of this year."  

"Kyo, I will not let that happen." Kazuma's voice was hard.  

Kyo continued, ignoring him. "All I knew was I wanted a future with To-, Tohru," his voice caught on her name. "I wanted to be by her side, for whatever time I had left."  

Kazuma looked at his son sadly.  

"And now...now the only future I wanted will never happen. I miss her so much," Kyo's voice shook, and even though he had cried enough today for many lifetimes, he knew more tears would arrive at any moment. "I love her, like crazy. I loved- every-thing about her. So much- it hurt . It still hurts. It hurts- so- much." He drew sharp breaths between each word as his body tensed with sobs. "I- don't- know- how- I'm- gonna- live- with- out- her- she- saved- me- she- lit- up- my- world- and- stayed- with- me- and- didn't- try- to-"  

Kazuma held Kyo as he sobbed, his words becoming an unintelligible, anguished jumble.  

"I know, my son. I know."  

Kyo wept in his father’s arms for a long time. When he eventually calmed, he looked at Kazuma and said, "I realized somethin’ today, Shishou. I always thought you and Tohru were the only people left who cared about me, after Mom died, and after..." he trailed off, not ready to tell his father about Kyoko. "Well... I was wrong. There's a lot of people here who care about me, I just never realized until today." He took a deep breath. "It still hurts, so bad. I miss her, Shishou, and I'm gonna miss her desperately for the rest of my life. But..." he reflected, "I guess it helps to know I'm not alone."  

Kazuma's heart was as full as it was broken. He knew Kyo would hurt for a long time, but he also knew his son was going to be okay.  

Chapter Text

When Kyo and Kazuma finally came down to bed, most of the house had already fallen asleep. They quietly made their way down to the living room, stopping to pick up the clothes they had set outside Kyo's room. Megumi and Hiro were already fast asleep when they arrived, and Kyo and Kazuma quickly settled into their own futons to try and get some rest of their own. 

Over in Tohru's room, Rin sat against the wall once more, her head buried. Haru knelt beside her, kissing the top of her head and stroking her arms reassuringly. 

"It's just not fucking fair!" Rin eventually hissed. "Why do people like her always get hurt? Why did she have to die?" 

"You're right, Rin. It's not fair at all," Haru soothed between kisses. 

"I didn't want to involve her. I tried to get her to leave!" 

"I know, you did." 

"But she wouldn't listen! She insisted on helping us! And what did we ever do for her?" she demanded, her voice almost frantic. Haru quietly pulled her into a tight embrace. She broke down, collapsing into him once again. He held her until her body stilled, and they stayed wrapped in each other's arms for several minutes. 

"Rin," Haru finally said, breaking the silence. He drew his head back to look at her. "I brought your sketchbook, in case you wanted it. It's right outside the door." 

"Mmnk mm," Rin muttered a barely intelligible thanks into Haru's shoulder. 

After another long embrace, Rin crawled to the door, grabbed her sketchbook, and took in the entire room. She looked carefully at each corner, at the zabutons by Tohru's side, at every place she might sit to sketch. Eventually, she began drawing the scene in front of her. 

Haru watched her fondly, admiring her focus and intensity. She made big, confident marks as she drew the structure of the room, Tohru's furniture, the window, the table set with objects of mourning. She finished the broad strokes and moved to the smaller items; the flowers, the incense, the bowl of rice with chopsticks pointing straight up, the teacup, the candle. The stuffed rabbit Momiji had leaned against the table, the black cushions scattered around Tohru, the clouds outside her window, glowing as the moon hid behind them, the hat and zodiac figurines on her shelf, next to her schoolbooks. 

She turned her gaze to Haru. He sat with his back against the wall, one arm resting casually on his raised knee, the other leg outstretched. He smiled warmly at her and nodded his head. She couldn't help but return the smile affectionately. She only drew his outstretched leg, just poking into the picture from the edge of the page. 

She inhaled. There was nothing left to draw but Tohru. With a shaky exhale, she began sketching the form of her friend. First, the white sheet lit by the veiled moon. She slowly marked each curve of Tohru's body under the fabric, each wrinkle and fold of the fine material, each soft shadow and the world it revealed beneath. 

When she finally arrived at Tohru's head, face covered by a small white cloth, she realized she was shaking. But no sooner had she noticed herself trembling than she felt a sturdy hand on her shoulder. Haru had moved next to her, admiring her picture. She took a stabilizing breath and placed her pencil back on the page. 

Haru let Rin know when the end of their shift drew near. He watched her finish her third drawing, a still life of the table set beside Tohru, and kissed her on the forehead. 

"Want to say anything to Honda before we go to bed?" 

Rin looked at him, eyes filling with tears, and he pulled her close. 

"It's ok, Rin. We'll see her again tomorrow." 

Quiet footsteps padded up the stairs and the door to the next room clicked open, signaling the arrival of the next shift. Haru put a hand on Tohru's arm, and Rin followed with a hand on Tohru's shoulder. They closed their eyes, took a deep breath together, and moved to meet Shigure and Grandpa at the door.  

Rin and Haru held each other at the top of the stairs, foreheads pressed together, before Haru kissed her goodnight. He tip-toed down to Shigure's room as Rin snuck into Kyo's room for the night, eyes leaking. 

Shigure and Grandpa stayed quiet for much of their shift. Shigure had brought a book and leaned against the wall as he read. Tohru's grandpa sat quietly at her side, reflecting on Tohru's short life. 

Eventually, Grandpa asked, “What’s that you’re reading?” 

“Oh, just an old favorite.” Shigure held up his weathered copy of Norwegian Wood . 

“Ah, yes, I remember when that came out. It was one of the first books I read in my retirement.” 

Shigure smiled. “I was too young at the time of its release, but Haa-san gave me a copy in university, and it stuck with me since then. I find myself reaching for it in times like these.” 

“’Only the dead stay seventeen forever,’” Grandpa quoted sadly, looking at his granddaughter who would now stay eighteen forever. 

“’No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one,’” Shigure quoted back, turning the page with a sigh. 

“Did Tohru-san ever tell you why she had such a boyish name?” Grandpa asked, thinking of the male protagonist of the story. 

“No, I don’t believe she did,” Shigure replied, tucking a bookmark between the pages and placing the book at his side to give the story his full attention. 

“Her father, Katsuya – my son, called it a ‘subtle seasoning,’” Grandpa smiled. “A bit like adding salt to something sweet to bring out the flavor.” 

“Clever,” remarked Shigure. “Tohru was exceptionally sweet, too.” 

“True,” Grandpa agreed. “The right book can be a balm for the soul at times like this.” 

Shigure grinned. “Poetry to the novelist’s ears.” 

Grandpa chuckled. “I would love to read one of your books someday, Shigure-san. Especially any you wrote while you knew Tohru-san.” 

Shigure gave him an appreciative look. “It just so happens I have a book scheduled for release next month. I’ll be sure to bring you a copy.” 

“I’d like that very much,” Grandpa replied. “Please, stay for tea when you do.” 

“Very well, Honda-san,” Shigure nodded. 

“It would make me very happy if you and those two boys visited when all this is done,” Tohru’s grandfather admitted. “I’m not ready for her to disappear.” 

“’People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die,’” Shigure quoted, apparently lost in his own thoughts. 

Grandpa nodded, turning his attention back to his granddaughter as Shigure picked up his book and began reading once more. 

When they heard quiet footsteps on the stairs, they stood and took each other's hands. 

"Thank you for all you did to care for Tohru-san," said Grandpa. 

"It's I who should be thanking you," replied Shigure. "Thank you for trusting us with Tohru-kun. I'm sorry we proved undeserving of that trust." His voice was almost regretful, but he recovered and continued. "She made quite an impact on our family. I don't think we'll ever be the same."  

Hiro arrived at the door just as Kisa emerged bleary-eyed from Kyo's room. The two children bowed to Tohru's grandpa as they entered and knelt by their friend. 

When they heard the door to Yuki's room click shut, Hiro turned to Kisa. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier about my curse breaking." 

"Hiro-chan! It only happened this morning! I don't know when you would have told me!" 

"Yeah, but I wanted to tell you first." They both blushed. Hiro swallowed, gathering his courage. "Kisa, does it... does it bother you that I'm not cursed anymore?" 

Kisa turned to him, realizing they couldn't hug anymore. "Hiro-chan, doesn’t it bother you to be with someone who's still possessed?" Her eyes shone with tears. 

"Of course not!" Hiro insisted. "I'm just happy I get to be with you." 

Kisa smiled, "Me too, Hiro-chan." She took his hand, intertwining their fingers. Both of them had turned a deep shade of pink. 

"So, are you doing okay? It's fine if you're not," Hiro added when he saw Kisa's eyes brimming with tears again. 

"I don't know yet," replied Kisa truthfully. "I'm happy to be with you right now, but my heart hurts." She sniffled, thinking of her dear friend. Hiro reached out to catch a tear on her cheek. "I think it's going to hurt for a while." 

"Yeah," agreed Hiro. "Mine, too."  

Kisa squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, Hiro-chan,” she cried. “I’m sorry I keep crying.” 

"You loved her a lot, didn't you?" he asked. Kisa nodded. "Then you should cry as much as you need, and I'll be here for you." 

"Hiro-chan!" Kisa burst into tears and hugged him, immediately turning into a cute little tiger cub in a puff of golden smoke. 

Hiro quickly closed the door, making sure no one had seen her transform. "I'm sorry, Kisa! I forgot we can't do that anymore." 

"It's okay, Hiro-chan!" Soon, there was another cloud of yellow dust, and Hiro averted his eyes as Kisa got dressed. "I was the one who forgot!" 

"I guess we'll have to stick to holding hands for now," he scowled, still facing away from her. 

"Hiro-chan?" she asked, gathering courage as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress. "I don't think that's the only thing we can do." 

Hiro whipped his head around, wide-eyed, and Kisa bent forward to peck him awkwardly on the mouth. 

Hiro flushed deeper than ever, then he grinned at Kisa, and leaned in to kiss her back. She beamed, and their lips met once again, this time lingering for a moment longer. 

"I've wanted to do that for so long," Hiro said, breathlessly, as they pulled apart. "I guess you're just braver than me." He smiled, resting his forehead against hers. 

"You've been very brave, Hiro-chan!" Kisa insisted. 

They knelt back down, fingers laced together, each grinning shyly to themselves. 

After a while, Hiro asked if they should say anything to Tohru. 

"What would you want to say?" Kisa asked. 

"I don't know. I think I'd want to say sorry for how I treated her. And I'd want to say thanks, for telling me I could grow up to be like a prince. I keep thinking of that when I'm with Hinata, that I want to be the best big brother in the world for her." 

"You will be!" 

"And I'd also want to tell her that I'm glad we met, and glad she became part of our family." His eyes shone as he turned to Kisa. "What about you?" 

Kisa drew a shuddering breath and turned to speak directly to Tohru. "O-neechan, thank you for understanding and talking to Mom when I was being bullied. You helped me get my voice back. And thank you for being my big sister and loving me so much." Kisa sniffled. "And for helping me see O-niichan Kyo is actually really nice!" 

Hiro snorted, then tried to pass it off as a sniffle. 

"I like the person I am now, and I think that's because of you,” Kisa continued. “You loved me, and that made it easier to like myself." Hiro squeezed her hand. "And you were always so happy to see me, which made me feel really special." 

Kisa didn't say anything else, so Hiro said, "You are really special, Kisa." 

"Hiro-chan!" She burst into tears. 

The door opened, and Kazuma stood smiling at them, warm as ever. "Breakfast is ready. Why don't you two go eat, and I'll keep Tohru company?" 

They bowed and went downstairs, still giddy about their first kisses. 

Chapter Text

Tohru was falling through the air as the land gave out from under her.  

He ran as fast as he could, he needed to catch her, but she hit the ground hard before he could get to her, and she wasn't moving. Blood was pooling in the dirt around her head, more blood than her small body could have possibly held.  

"Can you feel a pulse in her wrist?" asked a voice that belonged to no one.  

His hands were shaking. Why were they covered in blood? Why wasn't she moving?  

"What do we do? We have to help her! She can't die!" He was pleading, but no one could hear him. Tohru fell once more as the ground gave way beneath her, and a wave of blood arose from the chasm, threatening to drown Kyo, gagging him as he tried desperately to call for help that would never arrive.  

Then, the scene changed.  

He was at the intersection again, watching the car careening toward them. He reached up to pull Kyoko out of the way, only to hesitate and watch, horrified, as it was Tohru the car sent flying through the air. She was lying on the pavement in a pool of blood, and it was Tohru's voice he heard this time, saying "I won't forgive you," as the light left her eyes and a river of her blood was chasing him away from her body.  

The river had almost caught him when the scene changed again. This time he was small, helplessly being dragged away by a torrent of blood as his mom walked slowly into the path of the oncoming train. Only it wasn't his mom, it was-  

"TOHRU!" 

Kyo sat up abruptly, heart racing, palms sweaty, breathing fast and shallow. 

"Kyo, what happened?" 

He blinked. Why was Shishou here? 

Then it all came back to him. It wasn't just a dream, it was real, and Tohru was- 

He clung to Kazuma's yukata and cried. Kazuma held him again, and Kyo felt a smaller body embrace him as he wept. He remembered Hanajima's strange little brother was there, too, internally raging that a near-stranger, a child, was having to comfort him right now. 

He gathered himself and withdrew from the hug. "Sorry," he muttered, to no one in particular. "And thanks." 

Megumi simply patted him on the head and went back to his futon silently. 

Kazuma, still holding him by the shoulders, reminded him, "You have nothing to apologize for, Kyo. You saw something very upsetting yesterday, it makes sense for it to be on your mind right now." 

Kyo put his head in his hands wearily. He may have awoken from his nightmare, but Tohru was still gone and that was so much worse. It wasn't going to stop hurting for a long time. 

He didn't notice Megumi muttering to himself, chanting a curse for more restful sleep and happier dreams for all who were mourning Tohru. 

When Kyo awoke again, he heard noises from the kitchen and smelled something delicious, feeling a pang in his stomach when he realized it wasn't Tohru cooking, because she was- 

"Good morning, Kyo," said Kazuma gently, stopping his mental spiral. 

"Hi Shishou. How did you sleep, after...?" He couldn’t voice his nightmare. 

"I slept just fine," Kazuma replied. "I'm told breakfast will be ready soon. Why don't you take a shower? I'll go relieve Hiro and Kisa." 

Kyo nodded and made his way to the bathroom with the clothes he had picked out the night before, grateful the bathroom was unoccupied. 

By the time he was done getting ready, Kagura and Megumi had laid out a veritable feast across the kitchen and were seated at the chabudai along with Hiro and Kisa. 

Kyo busied himself making a tray for Tohru, which he quickly ran upstairs, removing the food he had offered the previous night, and nodding at Kazuma, who was in seiza beside her. When he stepped out, Saki and Arisa were emerging from his room, and the three of them went downstairs together. 

They sat at the kitchen table, and were soon joined by Momiji, wearing pajamas with a rabbit print. 

" Guten Morgen !" he chirped as he took his seat. 

"Blondie, it's too early for that," Arisa groaned. 

"Your waves are much too lively at this hellish hour," moaned Saki, dropping her head to the table sleepily. 

"Ignore them, Momiji, you're good," mumbled Kyo, earning a bright smile from his cousin. 

Just then, they heard the front door open. Momiji peeked his head out of the kitchen before calling, "Ha'ri!" earning a loud groan from Arisa and a sharp glare from Saki. He ignored them and hopped over to his friend. "You brought it!" 

"Brought what?" called Kisa from the living room, full of anticipation. 

"My violin!" Momiji bounced back into the living room, violin case in one hand and tote bag in the other. "I promised Tohru I would play a concert for her one day." He was grinning, but it didn't reach his eyes. 

"O-niichan, that's so thoughtful!" Kisa clapped her hands together, eyes welling. "Can we listen, too?" 

" Naturlich !" 

Hatori appeared, rolling his trunk. He nodded at the group before lifting it and setting up the stairs. 

"Was that Haa-san I heard just now?" 

"Shii-chan!" "Shigure!" "Shii-onii-chan!" came a chorus of greetings. 

" Ja , Shii-chan, he just went up to tend to Tohru." 

"Ah, good morning, Momiichi! Does this mean we'll be blessed with your exquisite musicianship?" 

"He's going to play a concert for o-neechan!" Kisa exclaimed. 

Shigure smiled sincerely. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Momiichi," he said, almost misty-eyed. 

Everyone was quiet, eyes around the room beginning to moisten. 

Suddenly, Kagura jumped up. "Shii-chan, let me make you a plate!" 

She went to the kitchen without waiting for a response and piled a plate high with the many dishes she and Megumi had prepared. 

As she set down Shigure's plate at the chabudai, Yuki and Haru emerged from Shigure's room. Haru was shirtless, and Yuki looked thoroughly confused, walking straight into Hiro, who complained loudly. 

"Hey, watch it, Yuki!" 

"Hiro-chan, he's not awake yet! Look!" 

"Ah, yes. Yuki-kun is quite a treat in the mornings," teased Shigure, earning a kick to the shoulder as Yuki snapped awake.  

Kagura quickly busied herself making plates for them as well. Kyo felt a pang of guilt as he noticed her red, puffy eyes and cheeks streaked with tears. 

He scowled and looked at the ground. He knew Kagura was still struggling with her feelings for him and had been fond of Tohru. This couldn't be easy for her. 

But he also didn't have the energy to moderate his grief any more than he was already doing. 

"I'm going upstairs," he announced, standing abruptly and starting toward the steps. 

He had meant to go to his room, but kicked himself when he remembered Rin was still sleeping there. He turned back to Tohru's room, but saw the door closed and remembered Hatori was tending to her. So, Kyo went up to the roof. 

He was lying on his side, facing away from the ladder, when he heard footsteps followed by someone sitting heavily beside him. 

"I'm sorry." 

He snapped up, turning around to look at Kagura. She was the last person he wanted to see right now, and he certainly hadn't expected her to follow him up here. 

"For what?" he replied. 

"For making this even harder for you." 

"Kagura-" 

"Look, I know how you feel about me, and I know I never apologized to Tohru for what I did the last time I saw her-" 

"Kagura, I-" 

"Just let me finish!" she shrieked, eyes overflowing again. "I really liked Tohru, okay? Maybe it hurt that you loved her and not me, and maybe I got a little... excited when I told her to just tell you how she felt already-" 

"Wait, THAT'S why you knocked her out?" 

"I SAID LET ME FINISH!" 

"...right. Sorry." 

"I know I come on strong, and that made things hard for you and for Tohru. I'm sorry. But I do miss her. And I want to be here for everyone else who misses her. Especially you. And Rin." 

Kyo stared at her, unsure if she was done. 

"Anyway, I miss you, too. We haven't hung out since...you know." Her eyes watered thinking about the day she and Kyo had gone on their final date. "And, yes, we fought because she was telling Rin how she felt about you, how you were the most important person in the world to her, even more than her mother, but she should have told you those things, Kyo-kun! Why was she wasting time telling Rin when she could just tell you already so you could finally be together? I just got so angry, I forgot Tohru can't take a punch." 

He stared some more, waiting for a cue that she had finished. 

"Kyo-kun, don't you have anything to say to me after all that?" she whined. 

Kyo rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help the grin that came to his face. 

"I can't believe you did that.” He scratched the back of his neck. “She never told me that was why you hit her! But thanks. ...For apologizing, not for hitting her!” His cheeks reddened. “And thanks for being here. And for telling her that. Even if I was a complete dumbass when she finally did tell me. I'm glad I got to hear it from her, before..." he trailed off, unable to say the terrible thing that had happened. 

They sat in silence for a long while. 

"Love is hard," said Kagura eventually. 

"Yeah, it is," Kyo agreed. 

And then, Kagura gave him an awkward hug, one he tentatively returned. "Thanks, Kagura." 

She let go, gave him a weak smile, and went back down the ladder. Kyo followed shortly after, feeling much better than he had on the way up. 

Kagura was just sitting down at the kitchen table with Rin, Yuki, and Haru, and Arisa and Saki had joined Megumi and Kazuma at the chabudai. Momiji could be heard practicing in Shigure's study, and Kyo had seen Shigure upstairs with Grandpa and Hatori in Tohru's room, the door open once more. Kisa and Hiro had busied themselves with cleanup. 

As Kyo joined the group at the chabudai, Kazuma barely raised an eyebrow. Kyo nodded almost imperceptibly, and Kazuma smiled. 

Eventually, Arisa brought out a deck of cards and suggested they play a few rounds of Rich Man, Poor Man in Tohru's honor. Kazuma chuckled when she and Kyo started trash-talking each other, delighted to see his son's usual fire returning, and then excused himself to join the other adults in Tohru's room. Yuki, Kagura, and Haru joined, too, while Rin sat in the corner sketching, and Hiro did some homework at the kitchen table. 

Saki won every round, as always. When Momiji appeared from behind the paper doors and asked to join, Saki stood up to offer him her spot. 

"It would seem I have no worthy opponents here," she said, feigning boredom with a gleam in her eyes. 

"Yeah, or you just know we're all sick of losing to you," said Kyo, scowling. 

This time, Kagura and Arisa were locked in a ferocious battle, and each came tantalizingly close to getting rid of all their cards, but it was Kisa who emerged triumphant, having avoided the attention of the other players until she played her final two cards. 

"Hiro-chan, I won!" Kisa couldn't stop smiling. 

"You did great!" Hiro leaned in and pecked her to a loud chorus of "oohs" from the other teens. 

"Damn kid, you got some moves!" Arisa punched Hiro's arm appreciatively. 

"When did that happen?" asked Haru, grinning. 

"Shut up," muttered Hiro, redder than ever. 

"This morning, O-niichan!" answered Kisa happily. 

"You kids move fast these days!" teased Momiji. 

Kyo grinned at them. He was glad at least they had figured it out before it was too late. 

As they were playing, Yuki's phone buzzed. He pulled it out and read the alert on the screen. 

Message from Kakeru Manabe  

Yuki stared, realizing that school had started, and Kakeru had probably just learned of Tohru's death. He was kicking himself for not thinking to call Kakeru yesterday. He knew that his best friend genuinely liked Tohru, even if their relationship had started out on the wrong foot. 

K: Yuki, sensei just told us about Honda. I'm so sorry for your loss. Can we come by after school?  

Yuki thought about Komaki, Kakeru's girlfriend, who would also want to pay her respects. 

Yuki typed out a reply. 

Y: Yes, please do. I'm sure it would mean a lot to Honda-san.  

Before he was able to put his phone away, it buzzed again. 

K: How about you? Are you doing okay with all of this? I know how important she was to you. Is there anything we can do to help? Anything we can bring?  

Yuki wiped a tear from his eye, grateful to have found such a good friend. He never would have met Kakeru if Tohru hadn't raised him into the person he was. Her care allowed him to step outside his comfort zone, to try things that were hard and uncomfortable, and because of that, he had his first good friend outside of the Sohmas. 

Y: Just bring yourselves. I'm really glad you're coming.  

He put the phone back in his pocket, and returned to the game, eyes still misty. He had so many reasons to be grateful, even now. 

Chapter Text

Kyo and Saki made an assortment of rice balls for lunch, Kyo making sure to include one with a pickled plum in his food offering for Tohru, thinking of the day she had told him he had a plum on his back.  

After lunch, Tohru's grandpa took another nap, and Kyo decided to spend some time in Tohru's room. At Haru's pointed look, Yuki followed him, and Haru corralled the other guests downstairs, loudly goading Arisa into another card game to allow Yuki some time to talk to Kyo. 

Kyo looked up when Yuki sat down next to him, surprised. He nodded, hesitantly, and Yuki returned the nod. 

"I'm going to miss hearing her welcome us home," Yuki said softly. 

Kyo watched his cousin, who was looking sadly at Tohru. 

"Yuki, I-" Kyo began. 

"I'm sorry," said Yuki. 

Kyo froze. This was the last thing he expected to hear. After a long and uncomfortable silence, he could only grunt out a single syllable. "Huh?" 

"I'm sorry. I was too harsh on you about Honda-san." 

Kyo gaped at the other boy, never having expected to hear those words. 

"I think I was jealous." 

Kyo was floored. "Wait, jealous? Of me? Why would you ever be jealous of someone like me?" Kyo was sure this was some kind of cruel prank. 

"Because you had everything I wanted!" Yuki's volume was rising, and tears were coming to his eyes. "People like you! They're drawn to you! You're just you and you can make friends by just being you! You had an adult who cared for you and gave you a loving home! A loving parent! You got to go to a regular school!" Yuki's feelings were spilling out of him faster than his tears. "And you made Honda-san smile, just by being with her! You made her happy, and only you could make her smile like that! You think I could do that? You think I ever made her smile the way she smiles at you?" 

Kyo's mouth was hanging open, trying to process everything he was hearing. Perfect Prince Yuki envied his social skills? His Shishou? His effect on Tohru? 

Yuki continued, finding relief in finally voicing the feelings he'd kept under such a tight lid. "I felt guilty that I didn't love her the way I thought I was supposed to. I felt inadequate when I saw the way you two looked at each other. Like there must be something wrong with me that I didn't see her the way you do." 

At this, Kyo found his voice. "Wait...so you didn't love her?" 

"I did, just not the way you did." 

"Oh. Huh?" Kyo wasn't any clearer. 

Yuki sighed and rolled his eyes, tears still falling. "She was like a mother to me, you dumb cat. It's pathetic, I know. But I was never your competition. No one was. She only had eyes for you." 

Kyo's eyes moistened at this. So everyone else knew how she felt. 

"Anyway, I'm sorry. I was being unfair to you. And I think I hurt Honda-san in the process." Yuki was scowling now. 

Kyo took a deep breath, then spoke quietly. "I'm sorry, too." He looked at Yuki, deeply regretful of how he had treated his housemate. "I assumed your life was so perfect because you were the rat. Everyone said you were so special. I didn't realize that you could still have a shit life." 

"Yeah. You don't even need to be cursed to have a shit life." 

They sat, deep in thought, Yuki's mind drifting to what Kakeru and Machi had told him about their family, wondering if he should reach out to Machi as well and ask her to come. Kyo's thoughts were on Tohru, and all the loss she had experienced in her short life. They stayed in their own heads for a while before Yuki broke the silence. 

"What did happen yesterday? I mean, before..." 

"Huh?" said Kyo, still thinking about the everything he wished he said before Tohru had died. 

"What, specifically, were you saying to Honda-san before you ran off?" 

"Oh, uh..." Kyo gulped. He wasn't sure how much he could tell Yuki. 

"Please." Yuki shifted uncomfortably. "I'd really like to know, to try and understand." 

Kyo realized Yuki was meeting him halfway. He'd have to say something . He took a shaky breath and began. "So, there were some things I never told her about my past. And I knew I had to tell her, 'cause I couldn't be with her if she didn't know. And she'd never want to be with me if she did know." Kyo sniffled and dried his eyes. "I... kinda knew her mom." 

Yuki's eyes went wide, but he recovered quickly and nodded, eyes fixed on Tohru. 

"After Shishou took me in, I didn't always go home to the dojo right away. I would wander, and one day, this loud lady with orange hair started talking to me. Her name was Kyoko Honda." 

Yuki listened carefully, trying to keep his face neutral. 

"She was the first person other than Shishou who accepted me. It felt like she forgave me for existing. She told me to come back, so I did. She told me about Katsuya, and she told me about Tohru." 

Yuki looked at Kyo, wide-eyed. 

"Yeah. I still remember the first time she showed me a picture. I thought about her all the time. I wanted to know what she sounded like when she laughed. I went to check up on her once when Kyoko had to work late, and she just looked so lonely. I worried about them every day. So, one day, I decided to go and check if they were lonely, and Kyoko was upset, because Tohru was missing." 

Yuki gasped, realizing where this was heading. 

"I promised her that I would find Tohru and protect her. And I couldn't keep that promise. You protected her instead of me, and I was so ashamed." Kyo sniffed loudly and wiped his eyes.  

"I felt like you had taken away my chance to be useful and keep my promise. I never went back to see them after that day, because I was sulking," he said bitterly, before taking a deep breath to steel himself for what came next. "But one day, I saw her again. We were at an intersection, and I recognized her hair color, and her profile. I wasn't sure if I should say something, but then a car was coming towards us. I wanted to help her, but then I remembered that I would transform if I pulled her against me. Everyone would know I'm not human. So I let her die! I'm the reason Tohru lost her mom!" His words hung thick in the air as he was overcome with guilt. His breathing was shallow and ragged. He took a moment to slow his pace back to deep, belly breaths before he spoke again. "Her last words were to me. She told me she'd never forgive me. And I told Tohru, because she needed to know. She needed to know her mom died hating me. She needed to know I'm the reason she had no parents." 

They sat quietly for a while longer as Kyo let his tears slow. Kyo took another deep breath and went on. 

"I also had to tell her about my mom. I had told her it was an accident, but it wasn’t. I saw her walk in front of a train, all because she couldn't stand being my mother. She was ashamed of me because I was the cat." 

Yuki remembered hearing about this from Akito during the dark days he had spent at his god’s side. 

Kyo took a shuddering breath. "So, that's what I was telling her. That I lied about knowing her mom, I basically killed her mom, her mom hated me, and I basically killed my own mom, too." He was getting more agitated, looking at Yuki with pleading eyes. "And now...now I killed her, too, because I wasn't there! She's dead , and it's all my fault!" 

Yuki was stunned. He would never have imagined Kyo was holding all of that in, carrying that guilt around his entire life. The cool, popular boy he had always admired was just as wounded as he was. 

"Kyo...” he said hesitantly. “You realize none of that's actually your fault, right?" 

Kyo scowled. "Whaddya mean? Of course it's my fault!" 

"You dumb- sorry.” Yuki caught himself. “What I meant to say is that no one in their right mind would blame you for any of that." 

"That's no better, you know," Kyo grumbled. 

"Maybe. But it's the truth! Let's start with your mom. Parents are responsible for us, not the other way around. You didn't ask to be born as the cat, just like I never asked to be born as the rat ." Yuki spat the last word with all the contempt he could fit in a single syllable. "If she felt ashamed, that was because our terrible family put that on her, because they're stupidly biased against whoever is unlucky enough to be possessed by the cat spirit. But you were just a kid! But you are not responsible for your mom's death." 

Kyo felt a weight lifted off his shoulders, like he could finally breathe after a lifetime of being underwater. He looked at Yuki with deep gratitude as the other boy continued speaking. 

"As for Honda-san's mom, how could you have saved her if you turned into a cat? You wouldn't have been able to hold her anyway!" 

Kyo scowled again. "I still should have tried. I should have done something !" 

"But you think we don't all make snap decisions to try and avoid transforming? It's been drilled into our heads since we were born that we have to protect the family secret at all costs . You were doing what you've been taught. And yesterday morning, I didn't hear the whole conversation, but I did hear Honda-san when she said she'd have to go against her mom, and that she loves you no matter what! She didn't blame you; don't you at least trust her judgment?" 

Kyo felt like he had been slapped in the face. "But- but I never kept my promise. I said I'd protect her, but she's dead, and it's my fault!" Kyo was trembling again. 

"Are you just determined to take the blame for everything, you dumb cat? It's your fault if you're there, it's your fault if you're not there! You can't have it both ways!" Yuki said angrily. 

Kyo blinked. Why did it make so much sense when he put it like that? 

"None of us saved her from falling off that cliff! None of us!" Yuki was almost shouting now. "I could have stayed, too, but I ran after you. I should have stayed!" He looked almost feral. "We didn't know Akito was going to show up and- and-" Yuki choked as he started sobbing, too. 

Kyo snapped out of his stupor, and realized his longtime rival had been comforting him, and was now weeping in front of him. 

"Akito's a real bastard, isn't he?" Kyo finally said, trying his best to return Yuki’s kindness. 

"You don't know the half of it," Yuki muttered. 

After a long pause, Kyo turned to his now-former rival. "'D'you think you could tell me about it?" 

Yuki eyed Kyo, weighing his options. He sighed. "Alright. Not yet. But someday." 

Kakeru and Komaki came over after school got out that day, along with Machi, much to Yuki's happy surprise. Yuki led his friends up the stairs to Tohru's room, where Hiro and Kisa were already keeping vigil. 

The three new guests knelt around Tohru, and each took their turn paying their respects. 

"Thanks for not holding my thoughtless words against me. And thanks for always looking out for Yuki," Kakeru’s voice was serious, none of the usual playful edge remaining. 

"I'll never forget that day when both our lives changed forever," Komaki said. "You never blamed me or my dad for what happened, and I appreciated that. You were a very kind person, Honda-san, and I wish I could have known you better." 

At Machi's turn, she stayed quiet for several minutes. Eventually, she simply said, "You were very important to President. I'm sorry you're gone. I think he will miss you very much." Then, the three of them stood up and followed Yuki to his room. 

Once inside, Kakeru flopped on the bed, beckoning the others to join him. Machi shyly sat in the chair that had been at Yuki's desk, and Yuki and Komaki sat on either side of Kakeru. 

Once they were all settled, Kakeru lowered his voice and asked seriously, "so really, how are you doing, Yun-Yun?" 

"I don't know," sighed Yuki. "I had a lot of things to do to plan the funeral-" 

"Wait, why were you the one planning it?" Kakeru interrupted. 

"I asked, okay? Because if I don't do something , I feel like I'm gonna explode!" Yuki was almost yelling. 

"I get it," said Komaki, quietly. "When my dad died, every moment I stayed still felt like my chest was being crushed in a vice. It helped to keep busy." 

Yuki looked at her gratefully. "I'm worried what will happen when this is all over, and I have to go back to normal." 

"What is it you're worried about?" asked Machi from the corner. 

Yuki felt the salty sting of tears rising to his eyes again. "I'm worried I'll realize how much I miss her." His tears began to fall, "I'm worried because it's going to be painful. I'm worried because I'm not ever going to see her again. I’m worried because it'll never go back to how it was!" 

Kakeru put his arm around his best friend. 

"Yun-Yun, it's okay to cry. Your mom died!" Yuki jabbed Kakeru hard in the ribs at that. "What? You said she was your mom!" Yuki pinched his ear and pulled him off the bed, yelping. "Oww!" 

Komaki swiftly jumped in. "I think what Kakeru is trying to say is she was important to you. Of course you miss her. And we'll be there, any time it hurts too much. Really." She guided them back to the bed. 

Kakeru grinned at her. "How did I get to be such a lucky man?" 

Komaki put an affectionate hand on Kakeru's knee, and Yuki buried his face in his hands, letting his tears freely fall while his best friend held him. 

When Yuki had mostly regained his composure, Kakeru made eye contact with Komaki and they exchanged conspiratorial looks. Suddenly, Kakeru jumped up from the bed, pulling Komaki up with him. 

"Well, we have to go check on that orange-haired hottie! Machi, keep an eye on Yun-Yun for us." He led Komaki to the door, closing it behind them, winking as he left his best friend and his sister alone together. 

"Machi, thank you for coming," Yuki said, attempting to smile at her. 

"President? What did Kakeru mean by that?" Machi asked, thoughtfully. 

"You're going to have to be more specific," Yuki replied wryly. 

"Was Honda-senpai...your mother?" 

He hung his head and answered, "No, not literally. But it's true that's how I thought of her." 

Machi was still looking at the ground. 

"My parents...they never really saw me as my own person. And then I stayed with someone else for a while, and he..." he trailed off, thinking about the years he spent being abused by Akito. "That was a... a dark time for me. When I came here to live with my cousin, it was a relief, but he was more of an obnoxious housemate than a responsible guardian, no matter what he might say." Yuki continued, "when Honda-san came to live here, that was the first time I felt I had someone who accepted me and my weakness. She encouraged me to try things that were hard, and always saw the best in me. I had always needed that, but I never had it until now." He looked down, eyes filling with tears once more, "I guess I don't really have it now, either. But I had it, because of her, and it changed me. It's a bit pathetic, isn't it?" 

"It's not pathetic." Machi had come to the bed while he talked, and reached up to wipe a tear from his face. Yuki turned to face her, and their eyes locked on each other, Machi's hand coming to rest on his cheek. 

"P-President?" Machi asked nervously, sage eyes still glued to Yuki's silver ones. "I'm glad you had someone like Honda-san. I'm glad she accepted you and your weakness. I think it took someone like you, someone who knows what it's like to feel weak, to notice someone as weak as me. I'll always be grateful for that." Tears had come to her eyes, too, and she began to move closer. 

Yuki smiled, sincerely this time, but he looked away before she could close the gap. "Machi, there's something I need to tell you-" 

"Oh my god, Yun-Yun, your teacher is here, and I think she's with her boyfriend! We just saw them downstairs!" Kakeru burst through the door without warning. Machi had run to the corner, and Yuki could see the tips of her ears were crimson. Her hands covered her face. 

Yuki let out a frustrated groan. "Yeah, that's my cousin, Hatori. We just found out last night. He seems happy about it." 

"Your cousin? Damn, why are all you Sohmas so good looking? Komaki, don't get any ideas while we're here, okay?" Komaki shoved him playfully, grinning. 

"Sounds like she should be worried about you," Yuki teased 

"Well, I hope we didn't miss out on any action between you two while we-" but Machi had punched him in the jaw before he could finish his thought. 

"Why did I tell you to come?" Yuki groaned, secretly glad they were all here. At Komaki's suggestion, they migrated downstairs to eat dinner together, Machi’s eyes ever so slightly red and puffy. 

After dinner, a man in business attire arrived, introducing himself as Momiji's Papa. Ayame and Mine entered shortly after, bearing a small stack of programs they had printed at their shop, Ayame boasting loudly of Yuki's desperate pleas to print the programs for Momiji’s performance that evening, earning a very exaggerated eyeroll from Yuki. As they passed them out to everyone, Momiji tuned in Shigure's room. 

The programs had a picture of Tohru on the front, wearing her school uniform, sitting on a rock, and holding a sunflower with her trademark smile. Above her picture was the title "Tohrulieder," in German and kana, plus a translation in kanji. At the bottom, "Tohru Honda: 1994-2012," something that brought tears to several eyes as they realized what the dates represented: a life cut tragically short at only eighteen years of age. 

Opening the programs to the first page, there was a picture of Tohru and Momiji from the beach house, and some words from Momiji about his friendship with Tohru. Opposite that was the list of pieces Momiji planned to perform. Several people excitedly read the titles; he had included a Japanese song they'd all learned in music class when they were kids and some pieces from his Suzuki violin books, which a handful of people remembered from their time learning violin. There were several German songs listed as well, which no one seemed to recognize except for Momiji’s father, who was proudly telling Shigure about Momiji’s brilliant programming. 

Turning the next page, Momiji had included program notes about each piece, plus the texts of the songs that would typically have been sung. One was in Japanese, and some were in German, with the Japanese translation beside them. On the back of the program, he had written a thank you note to his cousins for introducing him to Tohru and being such a close family. 

People began to claim spots in the upstairs hallway and on the stairs. The house fell silent as the door to Shigure's study opened, and it was time for Tohru's concert to begin. 

Chapter Text

Momiji walked up the stairs with intense focus, past Kagura, Hatori and Mayu, his Papa, Ayame and Mine, Shigure, and Kazuma and into the upstairs hall, where more people were sitting to listen. Kyo was next to his dad at the top of the stairs, while Arisa and Saki were right outside Tohru's door, Megumi next to his sister. Yuki sat right across from her room with Kakeru and Komaki on one side, and Machi on the other. Hiro, Kisa, Haru, and Rin sat down the hall. Tohru's grandpa was seated in a chair outside Yuki's room, and he smiled encouragingly as Momiji entered Tohru's room, violin in hand. 

Momiji found his CD player in her room ready for him, just as his father had promised. He knelt beside Tohru, stroking her shoulder and whispering his introduction to her.  

"Tohru, I started working on a concert for you the day you told me about Momo. I'm sorry I didn't play for you again while you were alive. I'll imagine you can still hear me somehow, and I'll play my very best. I chose each piece just for you. Some I chose while you were still here, and some I chose after I knew you were gone. I'm so happy we met, Tohru. You made me feel better when things were hard, and you listened and understood when I told you about my Mutti . I promise, I'll treasure all my memories of you one day, even the memories of my heart breaking right now. This is for you, princess Tohru." 

Then he stood, and the program began. As he began with a Bach Bourree from his Suzuki book, he felt himself becoming more confident with each phrase. He had been nervous to try and play through his grief, but the act of making music allowed him to focus on something tangible he could do to bid farewell to Tohru. He lost himself in the music, pouring all his feelings into the melody, pulling every ounce of emotion out of each note. He could do this, he kept thinking. He could do this, for Tohru. 

As Momiji played, Yuki followed along with the program. He noticed the thoughtfulness of Momiji's selections – everything seemed to speak to something about Tohru, or the people she loved most who were gathered here to mourn her. The second piece, whose title Momiji had translated as Daydream, felt almost like a lullaby, and he imagined Tohru drifting off to a peaceful eternal sleep. He thought of Hatori’s riddle about melting snow as Momiji played Ode to Springtime, a beautiful traditional song he remembered from music class when he was a child, and he was struck by how well Momiji seemed to understand people, and how he always seemed to know what to say, much like Tohru always had. 

His stomach churned when Momiji began to play Pavane for a Dead Princess . He thought about Momiji's romantic feelings for Tohru, and how clearly his violin playing functioned as an expression of his love. The feelings of inadequacy were creeping back, and he squirmed uncomfortably, wondering if he would ever be able to declare his love for someone so openly. He was just beginning to feel the darkness take hold of him when he felt a small, comforting hand take his own and saw Machi's fingers curled around his hand. His heart leapt, and he felt a smile spread across his face, leaning his head onto her shoulder. Kakeru and Komaki exchanged grins next to him. 

He felt Machi's head lean into his own, and he realized he felt so at ease with her in this moment. She always seemed to understand him and appreciate him for exactly who he was. She had trusted him with her weakness, with her family trauma. Maybe he needed to do the same. 

Haru's words from last summer came back to him once again, and he realized that Machi really was the person he'd been waiting for all this time. He felt tears spring to his eyes again, but they were tears of happiness this time, and as they fell to Machi's shoulder, she reached her other hand to dry his eyes. He basked in her soothing touch as a complicated mix of feelings bubbled to the surface and drained out of his eyes, feeling her hand tighten as he took a shuddering breath. 

Yes, he needed to tell Machi how he felt, once Tohru’s services were complete. He had known for a while that he would need to tell Machi about the curse, but he finally wasn't afraid. He knew she was his one. 

Kyo listened with his knees drawn up and head tucked into his arms, his posiiton of comfort. He wished he could give Tohru such a beautiful goodbye, but he didn’t know what he could do that would ever express the depth of his love and heartbreak. At least Momiji was able to do this for her. 

He didn’t follow along with the program notes, simply letting the music guide his mind to different memories of his time with Tohru. As Momiji played a lilting, playful tune that reminded him of a hopping little rabbit, he felt glad that Momiji had chosen to include music which spoke to such a wide range of emotions in his program, rather than only songs for mourning. He felt as though the music was helping him to cherish all the different things he loved about Tohru, and not only dwell on her death. He thought about how Tohru had playfully hit him with the pompoms on her scarf, or how she had laughed so purely when he threatened to kill the ocean, or when she had declared she would be “more evil than the devil” when he had stolen her script for Cinderella-ish . 

As the Humoresque transitioned into a stormy, angst-riddled middle section, Kyo reflected that even the happier songs on the program seemed to have parts that were sad, and it hit him in the gut that any happiness he felt from now on would be colored by the sadness he felt at Tohru’s absence. He felt his knees become damp, and realized he was crying again. Damn rabbit, he thought, exhausted from all the tears he had shed over the past two days. 

As Momiji began a set of three German Lieder near the end of the program, Yuki followed along with the translated lyrics. The first song, If I Were a Bird , was melancholy in tune and word, expressing the longing of someone who is constantly missing a loved one who isn’t there. The second song, When I Hear the Echoes Thronging, was brutally tragic in its sparse melody and a text describing the intense, aching pain that accompanies a reminder of the song a departed loved one used to sing. The air in the hallway felt oppressively heavy as the reality of Tohru’s death seemed to crash into him all at once. Yuki felt every muscle in his body clench, as though the pain of her absence would crush him. 

However, when the song ended, Momiji began a slow, peaceful, reverent song that Yuki saw was called Wanderer’s Nightsong II. The music felt like a gentle sigh, the relief of sleep at the end of a long day, or the promise of eternal rest at the end of one’s life. Yuki felt tears begin to fall again as his body released the tension it had been holding, and he nuzzled into Machi’s shoulder as he wept, feeling Kakeru’s hand squeezing his shoulder. He felt dampness on his scalp, and realized Machi was crying, too, as he heard her quietly suck air into her lungs, diaphragm spasming in silent sorrow. As he looked down the hall, it seemed everyone had been moved to tears by Momiji’s heartfelt performance and beautiful, meaningful selections. 

There was a long moment of silence after this, as though the entire household was releasing their grief into the night together. It was a beautiful sendoff for Tohru, Yuki thought, and a powerful experience for everyone to share. 

Then, Momiji began his final song. He hadn’t included the title in the program, merely saying it was a song Tohru had once requested from him. The melody sounded vaguely familiar to Yuki, and he was trying to place it when he heard Machi begin to sing along quietly, “everyone has an image 
of the happiness they want to feel.” Suddenly, he recognized the song and joined her in singing, “even if I’m crying, I will move forward,” their imperfect voices growing stronger together. He heard Kakeru and Komaki’s voices soon after, confident and sweet, then Arisa, singing loudly and off-key, and eventually the entire house was singing together, “you’re not alone.” 

Momiji slowly realized that the singing was coming from the hallway, and he felt a genuine smile come to his face as he imagined what Tohru would think if she heard all her loved ones singing together, the song she had chosen, just for her. He began improvising harmonies and countermelodies, letting the singers carry the song through its remaining verses to its conclusion as his violin soared above them, music he could only ever make surrounded by his dearest family. As they reached the final refrain, they all slowed as one, ending together with the words “ you’re not alone .” 

The house erupted into applause as soon as the final note quieted. Momiji was overcome with emotion; gratitude for the beautiful community that was here grieving his beloved Tohru together, pride in the tribute he had performed for her, grief that the girl he loved was dead, and hope that they would all help carry each other through the darkness in her absence. 

He knelt beside her once more, kissed her forehead through the white fabric, and said, "Auf Wiedersehen, meine Liebe. I hope you liked it." 

As he exited the room, he felt a hand stop him. Kyo, sitting by the stairs, had grabbed his sleeve and was looking at him, lip trembling, eyes full of gratitude, unable to voice his appreciation for the perfect expression of love he had just witnessed. Momiji understood, and nodded, placing a soft hand on Kyo’s head. 

He turned to see Kisa pulling on his coat and a line forming behind her. Everyone wanted to talk to him and express their appreciation. He saw his Papa beaming proudly as he stepped into Tohru's room to grab Momiji's CD player. He took a deep breath and smiled as he turned to talk to Kisa. 

After receiving everyone’s praise and thanks, Momiji quickly popped into Shigure’s study to change into pajamas and put his violin away. When he emerged, Shigure and Haru were waiting with his Papa, and the rest of the house was in bed. 

"Momiichi, that was absolutely beautiful," Shigure said, uncharacteristically sincere. 

"He's right," Haru said, quietly. "I think we'd all like to hear you play again sometime." 

Momiji hadn't thought to perform for his cousins, but he was excited at the possibility. He grinned at them and hugged his Papa, overwhelmed and grateful. 

“Momiji, you played so beautifully," his Papa radiated pride. "Thank you for inviting me to hear you play tonight.” 

He gave his violin to his Papa and bade them all good night before heading upstairs to join Yuki for their shift with Tohru. 

"Momiji, I can't thank you enough," said Yuki. "I know that would have meant the world to Tohru." 

" Danke ," replied Momiji. "I wish so dearly she had been able to hear it." 

"I know," said Yuki. “You said a lot of things with your playing that I think we all wanted to say. It helped me to hear that tonight.” 

Momiji smiled, then turned to his cousin. "Yuki, can I ask you something?" 

"Sure," Yuki replied. 

"Did you also love Tohru?" 

Yuki smiled to himself, having already had this conversation twice today. "Yes, but not in the same way you do." 

"I was so sure you two would get together!" 

"Believe me, you're not the first person to say that." 

"Oh, I believe it!" Momiji grinned. 

Yuki laughed. "I guess today's the day I tell everyone. She felt more like a mother to me." 

Momiji reflected on this for a moment. "I think a lot of people saw her that way. A lot of us, definitely." 

"It took me a while to accept it. I felt pathetic. I still do." Yuki took a deep breath before continuing. "I thought it meant something was wrong with me, that I didn't see her properly as a woman." 

"Nein, there's nothing wrong with that." 

"But Kyo did, and she always looked like a woman when she was with him. It made me feel inadequate." 

"I bet he'd be surprised to hear that." 

"He was." 

Momiji raised his eyebrows in surprise. So, Kyo and Yuki had already talked. 

"Anyway, I tried to treat her like a woman at first, but it always felt wrong. I think I didn't really accept how I felt until I saw her with Rin." He took another deep breath. "She helped me get better at the things that were hard for me, and she helped me be less afraid to try things that were scary. I think she gave me the strength to know when I saw someone else properly as a woman. I don't think I could have done that without her acceptance and encouragement. She was like a warm place to come home to." 

" Ja , she was." 

"I never really had that before. My parents were cold. Akito was..." He trailed off. 

"Akito was cruel," supplied Momiji. 

"Yes. And Shigure, how did Hatori put it?" 

"Like a ripple on water?" 

"Yeah. Or was it a jellyfish?" 

They chuckled. 

"That girl who was here from my class, Machi?" Momiji asked. 

"Yes?" 

"Is she the one you were talking about? The person you see as a woman?" 

"I think so." 

"I'm really happy for you, Yuki." 

"Well, nothing's happened yet!" 

"I know. But love is still a blessing, even if it's one-sided," Momiji said sadly. 

"I appreciate hearing that." 

" Ja , I wouldn't give up my time with Tohru for anything, even though it stung to realize she was in love with someone else. It still stings." 

"I'm sorry, Momiji. For what it's worth, I think she still loved you very much." 

" Danke . I know she did, even if it wasn’t in the way I hoped. But I think what you said made me realize something. Maybe I saw Tohru properly as a woman, but I don't know if she saw me as a man. Definitely not when I was small." He smiled, remembering their onsen trip. "And hopefully, one day, I will find an amazing partner who sees me as the man I am." 

"I hope so, too, Momiji." 

"And I know it's hard for you, too. You were very close to her. You don't have to be in love with her to grieve her." 

"I know. It's hard; I still feel inadequate, like it's pathetic to see her as a mother." 

"You're not pathetic. Far from it. You're strong and honest and kind and hard-working. In fact, I think you have a lot in common with Tohru." 

"You really mean that?" Yuki was touched. 

" Ja , I do." 

"Thank you, that means a lot. I think you do, too, Momiji." 

"Really?" Momiji sounded surprised. 

"Yeah. You look out for people, you always have a smile on your face, you're brave, you're not afraid to love. You were the one who helped Tohru when Akito was hurting her, and that wasn't the only time you took care of her. You also have a way of saying what people need to hear." 

Momiji was smiling as his eyes overflowed. " Danke , Yuki. I'll hold those words close to my heart forever." 

The boys sat in silence for a moment. 

"Momiji, can I ask you something?" 

" Ja , of course!" 

"I think I have to tell Machi about the curse." 

"Ah, I see. So your question is...?" 

"I don't know. What if she can’t accept it?" Yuki looked overwhelmed by the weight of the curse and all the ways it had made it harder for him to connect with others. 

Momiji considered it. "She seems like she cares about you a lot. And you seem to understand each other well. I think she would be surprised, but I don't think it would change how she feels about you." 

Yuki eyed him cautiously. "How does she feel about me?" 

"Oh, it's plain as day! She's crazy about you!" 

Yuki smiled. "I should talk to you more often, Momiji." 

"You always know where to find me!" 

After a while, Momiji turned to his cousin seriously. 

"Yuki, please promise me you'll tell her. Before it's too late." 

Yuki gulped. "Alright. I promise. After we say goodbye." He gestured to Tohru. 

"I understand. I just don't want you to ever feel like this," Momiji gestured toward himself as tears fell from his eyes. 

Yuki looked at him empathetically and reached out to take the younger boy's hand in his own. 

And they sat quietly, hand in hand, for the rest of their shift, until they heard a door down the hall open and footsteps coming their way. 

Chapter Text

"Blondie, you really did something amazing tonight," Arisa yawned as she stepped into Tohru’s room. 

"Yes, your playing soothed the troubled waves of all who gathered," Saki agreed. "Tohru would have been incredibly honored." 

Momiji smiled tearfully and made his way downstairs. 

"And Prince," Arisa said, grabbing Yuki by the arm. "Thanks. For everything. You're really helping us send her off right." 

"Yes, Yuki-kun," murmured Saki in assent. "You've been our intrepid leader during this challenging time. We appreciate your efforts, and Tohru would, too." 

Yuki took each of their hands as he thanked them, then went down to Shigure's room to sleep. 

Arisa and Saki held hands and sank down onto the zabutons next to Tohru's futon. They leaned into each other, Saki's head on Arisa's shoulder. 

Tears were once again falling silently from Saki's face, and Arisa stroked her hand gently. "It doesn't seem real yet, does it?" she asked. 

"Almost as if that's not really our Tohru, and we'll all be together at school tomorrow as if nothing happened." 

"Yeah." 

They fell silent again. 

"Tohru," Arisa finally burst out. "I can't believe you were the first one of us to kiss a boy!" 

"Darling Arisa, if I'm not mistaken, didn't you have your first kiss in 6th grade?" 

Arisa grinned mischievously. "I said 'to kiss a boy ,'" she emphasized, one penciled-in eyebrow raised. 

At this, Saki smiled. "Yes, it was surprising. But she and Kyo Sohma loved each other for a very long time." 

"I'm surprised they admitted it. You always said Kyon was a bit dense when it came to love." 

"Yes, that's true. And he had much of his own inner chaos holding him back." 

"Did you catch what he said last night?" Arisa asked, her voice suddenly low. 

"Yes, he's seen death before this. More than once. All women he loved." 

Arisa and Saki hadn't had easy lives. Arisa had run with gangs from a young age and had watched her father nearly disappear down a bottle. Saki had been different for as long as she could remember and had been brutally bullied as a child for her strange powers. They had always loved to tease Kyo, but were genuinely fond of him, and had been rooting for him to finally ask her out. 

"Well, he's stuck with us now. For life," Arisa said firmly. "Tohru's our family, so Carrots is, too." 

Saki smiled, grateful for her tough friend's kind heart. "That's right." 

Arisa put an arm around Saki, and they each placed a hand on Tohru as they held each other. "Hear that, Tohru? Kyon's our family now, and the Prince, too. We'll take care of them." 

"Yes, we will. We swear it." 

They sat deep in thought as the three of them stayed connected. Saki thought about Kyo, and the intense pain she could sense in his waves. She thought about Arisa, who was hurting more than she let on. She thought about Tohru, and her desperate pleas to Kyo in her final moments. And she thought about herself, and how much she missed her best friend. 

Arisa thought about Tohru, and Kyoko, and Kureno, and felt the sting of all these losses building inside her chest. Just as it was about to become too much, Saki turned to her and said, "Let's start sorting her belongings." 

Tohru had been quite frugal, so her possessions were few in number. They reserved any sentimental items by placing them on the shelf by the photo of her mom, the gray hat, and the zodiac figurines. They decided to place the swimsuit that they had all purchased as a gift for her among the special items, along with all the photos they found (mostly of Kyoko), a paper flower from that year's graduation, and a scarf with pompoms on the ends – items they knew had significance between her and Kyo. Arisa added the motorcycle jacket she had inherited from Kyoko. 

After they were finished, they settled back down onto the black zabutons, and reached out their hands to touch Tohru through the sheet. 

"Well, do you want to go first, or should I?" Arisa asked, scowling again as she tried to avoid crying. 

"I'll go," said Saki. "Dearest Tohru, last year, I remarked that I might not be able to smile for a year or more if you were to leave us." She took a deep breath as her eyes moistened again. "And here I've already made myself a liar and a fool." She smiled weakly. "I will grieve you forever, but the seeds you sowed in life have sprouted into the beautiful community gathered here. I feel your enduring presence in each and every one of us. You changed our world. In your honor, I will try to find a happiness after you've gone. It may take a long time, and it will always be tinged by the pain of your absence, but I know you worked so hard to find your own happiness after the loss of your mother, sweet Tohru, and I know it would make you happy to one day see us smile as brightly as you did. I love you, dear Tohru. I will always love you." 

Arisa had already put an arm around Saki and rested her cheek against her friend's crown. "Damn, that was beautiful. You're gonna make me follow that?" 

Saki smiled and squeezed her friend closer. "What you have to say will be equally beautiful, in your own voice, my sweet Arisa." 

"Alright then. Tohru," Arisa began, before steeling herself with a big breath. "It still makes me laugh when I remember how you dropped all those folders the day we met." True to her word, she chuckled. "And I still can't believe you saved me from those older girls. You didn't even think, you just pulled me after you. Because that's the kind of person you are. You saved so many people, Tohru. More than I think you realized, and more often than you would ever admit. I want to save people, too. I don't know if I can do it like you, but I've been thinking about helping other girls get out of the gang life. Giving them second chances, like you gave me." She sighed. "And even after all you did for me, you were still trying to do something that would make me happy, without even telling me." She started bawling as she thought about that day she had heard Tohru tearfully recount her encounter with Kureno. "I don't know how I got so lucky to have you as a friend. Both of you," she finished, turning to Saki. 

"It wasn't luck, Arisa-chan. It was Tohru." 

"Damn right it was." 

Just then, they heard twin footsteps on the stairs. The clock read 4:56. "I suppose our shift is nearly over," Saki observed. Turning to Tohru, she whispered gently, "We'll see you when we wake, sweet Tohru." 

"See ya, Tohru." 

They stood and saw Kazuma and Kyo at the door. Kyo's eyes were already damp, and Kazuma nodded solemnly at each of them as they passed each other. Both girls put a hand on Kyo's shoulder as they exited, still thinking about what he had shared with them, and the place he had held in their friend's heart. 

Kyo and Kazuma had both been early risers for as long as Kyo could remember. Kazuma would start his mornings with kata, and Kyo would start with a run. 

This morning, they both rose before five without the aid of an alarm. Kyo had dreamed of a royal ball, much like the one from their play at the most recent culture festival, only he finally got to hold Tohru as they danced, and the world around them disappeared, and it was only the two of them locked in an embrace, twirling, beaming at each other. 

When they arrived at Tohru’s room to start their shift, Kazuma noticed how both girls had placed a hand on Kyo's shoulder and regarded him with care and affection on their way out of Tohru's room. Sad as the past two days' circumstances had been, Kazuma was incredibly happy that his son was not only participating in the mourning process with everyone, but that he was receiving support when he opened up and shared his pain. 

When Kyo had lost his mother, he had faced inexcusable cruelty at the hands of nearly everyone in his life. Kazuma had taken him in then, eyes wide open to the absurdity of the Sohma family's treatment of the one possessed by the cat. Kazuma's own grandfather had been born with the cat spirit, and he had felt great shame at his own treatment of his grandfather. Watching that same cruelty, senselessly directed at a young, traumatized boy, angered every cell in his body. 

And when Kyo had fallen into a deep despair last year, Kazuma had feared his son would be lost forever. Kyo hadn't ever revealed what triggered his spiral toward death, and Kazuma did everything he could to pull Kyo out of his hopeless state. 

Both traumatic events had been borne by Kyo alone, with Kazuma only able to support as much as Kyo allowed. 

But this, the loss of Tohru, Kyo's first love... 

Kazuma felt guilt at his own relief. Tohru's death was undeniably tragic, and Kyo was still burdened, illogically, under his sense of responsibility for her death. He was aching from a type of heartbreak he had never experienced before. Yet Kyo wasn't alone this time. He was grieving with friends and family and others who had loved Tohru like he did, and he was cooking, and telling stories, and even supporting others as they supported him, too. He was growing up into such a fine young man, and Kazuma couldn't be prouder, even as his own heart ached on behalf of his son’s loss. 

They quickly assumed seiza at Tohru's side, Kyo at her shoulder, next to the table, and Kazuma on the cushion to his left. 

They were comfortable in silence, meditation being a staple of their karate practice. Kyo never took to it quite as much as Kazuma, but he was practiced, and took slow, calming breaths from deep in his belly. 

Kyo shifted into a more casual position after a while. Kazuma regarded his son, who was gazing at Tohru's lifeless body through moist eyes, still breathing slowly and deeply. 

Kazuma was once again struck by how much Kyo had grown while living in this house. Seeing him feel his feelings was such a gift, painful as those feelings were. He put a hand on his son's head, then stood. 

"Why don't you take a moment alone with Tohru? I'll be close by." With one more soft pat on the head, he crossed the room and disappeared out the door. 

Kyo sat in silence for a while longer. He knew what he had to say, but hadn't thought about how to say it, and didn't know if he was ready. But time wouldn't wait for him, he reminded himself, and he set his jaw as he took a shaky breath and placed his hands on Tohru, feeling a stab in his chest when he noticed how cold she was to his touch. 

He took another breath, this one ragged as he felt himself start to sob. "Tohru," he began. He gasped as his whole body shook with each sob. "Tohru...I...love...you. I...should...have...told...you. I'm...so...sorry. Of course...I love you. How...could I not?" 

As he continued, he felt his body calm as his words released a pressure that had been building up inside of him since the day he met her. 

"You...you saved me. Again and again. When you stayed with me." he gulped. "When you told me...everything was ok." He went on, "even when you were just puttering around the house with that silly expression. You were saving me." 

He sighed. "I wish I could kiss you again. I've wanted to do that forever. I wish I could keep kissing you every day for the rest of my life." He took another deep breath. "And I wish I could have held you. You know, for more than a second." He was tracing circles on her forehead and stroking her arm tenderly. "I wanted you. So much. All of you. I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted to comfort you when you were sad. I wanted to- to have a- a family with you. I wanted to be the first person you’d tell when something made you happy. I didn't let myself think about it, because I knew it could never happen." He sniffled. "I was an idiot today, and I'm sorry. Shit, I mean yesterday. Shit! I didn't mean to swear!" He groaned and smacked his palm to his forehead, realizing he had cursed again. 

"I'm sorry for hurting you. For every time I hurt you. When I crashed through the roof, and when I broke the chabudai, and when I tried to push you away," he felt the sting of tears returning as he thought about the day he transformed, and the gash he had left on her shoulder. "I kept making you cry. It always broke me to see you cry." He inhaled slowly, then exhaled, leaning forward. "You made me so happy, Tohru. I was never happy like that until I met you." He lay over her, gripping her shoulders. "Tohru," his voice was filled with so much love and tenderness, speaking her name with all the reverence and intensity of a prayer. "Tohru... Tohru..." And he was shaking as he cried her name and held her, his head nestled into the crook of her neck. "Tohru... Tohru..." He wept until his tear ducts ran dry, then he kissed her through the sheet and whispered, "You're the love of my life, Tohru. I'll always love you." 

Kazuma was standing in the door, tears streaming down his face, and a hand over his mouth. He had heard every word. 

And Grandpa was there, too, smiling at the knowledge that his Tohru had known such love in her life, a single teardrop caught on the apple of his cheek. 

The two men watched as the sun rose higher in the sky and Tohru's room filled with daylight. They watched Kyo's breathing return to normal, as he gave her one more squeeze and resumed seiza at her side, leaving one hand gently stroking her shoulder, brows creased with sorrow. 

The two men made eye contact, then quietly made their way into the room, Grandpa on the leftmost cushion so Kazuma could be next to his son. Kazuma put an arm around Kyo, who kept his gaze on Tohru and continued rubbing her shoulder with his thumb. Grandpa smiled at the two, then spoke. 

"Young man, it fills me with joy to know that she was so deeply loved by you." 

Kyo gulped, trying not to think about what might have been overheard. 

"You cared about her a great deal, I could tell that the day you came to fetch her from my house, and when I saw you again at the graveyard." 

Kazuma looked at his son proudly. 

"Thank you, both of you, for watching over her so early this morning. The folks downstairs made a delicious breakfast. Go eat. I'll take it from here." He smiled warmly at them, and they all bowed to each other as Kazuma and Kyo left the room. 

Chapter Text

Breakfast that morning was much quieter. Everyone knew they'd be migrating to the Sohma funeral home that afternoon and staying there through the funeral the next day, and the heaviness of the occasion weighed on everyone’s mind as they started their day. 

Kagura and Megumi had prepared another massive feast. Kyo made a tray for Tohru, and swiftly brought it upstairs before coming back down to make himself a plate. 

Almost everyone was awake by now. Only Yuki, Momiji, Arisa, and Saki had yet to make an appearance, still catching up on sleep from their watch the night before. 

Kyo settled in next to Kazuma, joining Kagura, Haru, Rin, Kisa, and Hiro around the crowded chabudai. Megumi was at the kitchen table with Shigure, who seemed to enjoy the boy's way with words. 

Momiji emerged from Shigure's room, looking withdrawn. He sat at the kitchen table, not bothering to make himself a plate. Saki and Arisa came downstairs shortly after, at which point Shigure offered his seat and went upstairs to visit Tohru. 

Eventually, Yuki appeared, dark circles under his eyes, hair mussed. Hiro eyed him warily, having strategically sat opposite Shigure's room. Thankfully, Yuki didn't walk into anyone this morning, instead making his way into the kitchen for breakfast, and gratefully taking Kazuma's spot at the chabudai when offered. 

When he was done eating, he stood and raised his voice. 

"Hi everyone. I wanted to review the plan for today and tomorrow," he began. The room fell respectfully silent. 

"This afternoon, staff from the funeral home will come to place Honda-san in her coffin," he began. "They'll be conducting the ceremony in her room. There should be enough room for any of us who want to watch." 

He looked around, trying to gauge if there were questions.  

"After she is placed in her coffin, we will begin our slow procession to the venue, which is on the Sohma estate. Momiji, Haru, Kisa, Hiro, Kagura, and Megumi – would you be willing to carry her in the procession?" 

The six of them exchanged looks and quickly agreed. Rin scowled, but knew she was still unable to do any lifting while she recovered from her time in the Cat’s House. 

"When we arrive, we'll still have some time before the wake begins in earnest. The staff should have everything under control, so we can rest until the other guests start to arrive." 

He took a breath and continued. "After the wake, a meal will be provided. This will be the last opportunity for most of you to have a private moment with Honda-san. Then, Grandpa, Uotani-san, Hanajima-san, Shigure-san, Kyo, and myself will keep vigil overnight, and everyone else can either return to their homes, or stay at the inn above the venue. All lodging expenses have been covered by the family." 

Some folks began whispering, trying to decide if they should stay at the venue for the sake of convenience. 

"In the morning, we'll have the funeral. The cremation will take place immediately after, during which another meal will be provided for those who plan to stay and participate in the bone ceremony. After that, her remains will be brought back here until she is placed in her family grave. We will host daily memorials here for the rest of the week, and weekly ones after that until the forty-ninth day. Those will always be at four o'clock. You may attend whenever you would like; it's not necessary to come to each memorial service if it imposes a hardship." 

The room was solemn. 

"Next, there is a unique situation regarding the gifts of condolence. Grandpa insisted that the Sohma family accept them, since we're paying the costs of her services. The family will not be accepting them either. Instead, they will be going toward establishing a garden in Honda-san's memory." 

"Oh, Yuki, that's wunderbar !" 

"O-niichan, what a great idea!" 

"She would love that." 

The room was buzzing with appreciation for this project. Yuki smiled for the first time that day, relieved that his idea was received with such enthusiasm. 

"I'll be taking the lead on establishing the garden. If anyone would like to help with the planning or participate in the actual gardening, please let me know after tomorrow." 

Many in the room nodded. 

"Last, we're all here today because our dear friend, Tohru Honda-san, died unexpectedly this weekend. Being together as we mourn has been such a meaningful experience, and it has helped me begin to grieve the tremendous loss of someone who was so dear to my heart. It is my hope we can continue to show up for each other after tomorrow and be there for each other when the grief becomes too much. We have many challenging days ahead, but the load is lightened when we carry it together." 

"Hear, hear!" 

"Well said, Yuki." 

"Please come see me if you still have any questions. Thank you all so much for being here over the past few days. You've made it more bearable, and it means the world to me to see how much Honda-san was loved by all of us. Thank you." 

He sat down, and Kyo immediately put a hand on his shoulder, eyes focused on his plate. 

"Thanks. You've done a lot for us. For Tohru. I really appreciate it." 

Yuki looked at him in surprise, then said, "You, too. Really. Thank you." 

Haru and Rin handled clean-up, and Kyo and Saki did a quick survey of the kitchen to see what they would be able to do for lunch. 

"I think we might be able to just do leftovers," said Kyo after closing the fridge door. 

"That seems correct," Saki said mildly. 

"Kagura really goes all out, doesn't she?" Kyo mused, a smile coming to his lips. 

"Perhaps she'll inspire Megumi to such extravagance." 

Kyo wasn't sure if she was joking, but he laughed anyway. 

"You really like your food, don't you, Hanajima?" 

"I merely detest feeling hungry. Although, I admit I take particular pleasure in yakiniku." 

"Maybe we should make that next time." 

Saki raised an eyebrow. 

"You'll be coming for the memorials, right? It...it would be nice if you stayed for dinner sometime. And that damn yankee, too." 

Saki smiled. "Alright, I shall plan on it, Kyo-kun." 

Kyo smiled back. Then he realized something. "Hey, can I ask you something, Hanajima?" 

"It's what Tohru called you." 

"What?" 

"You were going to ask why I started calling you Kyo-kun. I admit I am struggling with the loss of our dear Tohru more than it may seem to those who cannot read psychic waves. Perhaps by using the names she called you and Yuki-kun, I might feel her presence when I'm with you." 

"Dammit, Hanajima! You know I don't like it when you read my mind!" 

"Yes, but your waves are so obvious, it's not as though I could miss them," she smiled. Kyo almost thought she might be blushing. 

He began to redden himself, before grinning. "Alright. What did she call you again?" 

"Hana-chan." 

"Yeah, I'm not gonna call you Hana-chan, " he grumbled. "But maybe I could call you Saki ?" 

Saki smiled. "Yes, that would be nice." 

"Alright. ...Saki, d'you wanna help me get all the futons from the dojo?" 

"It would be my pleasure, Kyo-kun." 

He blushed again, and they gathered the futons Kunimitsu had brought, placing them in a neat stack in the living room. 

As people started getting dressed for the wake, the air in the house became heavy. Everyone was in their best clothes for mourning, faces serious and voices hushed. 

Kisa had brought a simple black dress and was helping Rin fasten a strappy black minidress. Kagura wore a dark blue shirtdress, and Saki dressed in her usual all-black ensemble, with an added veil. Arisa donned a black bomber jacket over a black crop top and long skirt, having decided to leave Kyoko's old jacket with Tohru. Saki offered to do hair and was styling Kagura's tresses at the kitchen table. 

Shigure borrowed one of Hatori's suits in charcoal gray, worn over a black shirt and green tie. Kazuma donned a full kuro montsuki haori hakama. Grandpa wore a black button down and slacks. Hiro brought a navy blue suit and tie with a black lapel, blushing when Kisa told him he looked quite handsome. Kyo and Haru both wore black button-downs and slacks, with the top buttons open as usual; Haru also rolling his sleeves up to his biceps. Megumi, much like his sister, was in his usual black clothes. Yuki had selected a black Chinese-style shirt with black slacks. Momiji wore his black suit again, with a skinny black tie. 

Hatori arrived, also wearing a black suit, with Ayame and Mine, who had custom-made their clothes for the occasion: a long jacket in black silk for Ayame, a poofy, lacy, knee-length dress for Mine, quite like her usual maid costume, but without the white apron. 

As they finished getting ready, people nibbled on leftovers at their leisure, largely foregoing a large lunch. No one was in much of a mood for conversation. 

The nokanshi arrived that afternoon, and once they were ready, the crowd of seventeen squeezed into Tohru's room. The adults stood against the walls, and the teens sat or knelt. 

The encoffining ceremony was simple and beautiful. The nokanshi moved almost as if they were dancing, lifting Tohru’s body with the futon and gently lowering her into the casket, futon and all. They removed the cloth from her eyes, and then invited guests up one by one to place significant items into her coffin. Grandpa went first, gently placing Tohru's stuffed cat from when she was a toddler in the crook of her elbow. Yuki added the hat he had left with her when she had gotten lost as a child. Kyo had several small items – the paper flower, the scarf, the zodiac set she had made with the cat, nestling each item into her coffin with his eyes fixed on her face, each offering another piece of his heart he would never get back. Arisa folded Kyoko's jacket and the swimsuit they had bought for Tohru and placed them over her feet. Saki included an assortment of snacks and foods she knew to be Tohru's favorites, including several rice balls, all with different fillings. Momiji settled the stuffed rabbit he had brought into the coffin. Kisa set a paper with a ladder game on top of the swimsuit, remembering how Tohru had used the game to help her pick out lunch when she wasn’t able to speak. Rin included a page from her sketchbook, depicting Tohru smiling while at the dojo. Hiro tucked the pocketbook he had once stolen between her arm and the coffin wall. 

The nokanshi placed the ceremonial knife on Tohru's belly and closed the coffin, securing the lid in place with a latch. Then, the gathered crowd filed downstairs, and the nokanshi carefully brought the casket down. 

Haru, Momiji, Kagura, Kisa, Hiro, and Megumi were standing ready, and gently lifted the coffin to begin the procession. Haru and Kagura positioned themselves in the middle on either side, being the strongest pallbearers. Momiji and Megumi stood in front, with Kisa and Hiro at the rear, able to see Tohru’s face through the window in the coffin lid. 

Shigure led the way, with Grandpa, Kyo, Yuki, Saki, and Arisa right behind him. Yuki supported Grandpa by the arm. Next came the group carrying Tohru's coffin. Rin, Kazuma, Hatori, Ayame and Mine brought up the rear, with Hatori making sure to secure the house once everyone had left. 

They walked slowly and silently, down the stairs, along the path, and through the neighborhoods between Shigure's house and the Sohma estate. Kyo was shaking by the time they left the path, and collapsed at the first intersection, overwhelmed by his grief. Kazuma was at his side immediately and helped him back up to continue the procession. Kyo stayed at the back with his father for the remainder of the journey, eyes downcast. 

Once on the estate grounds, they walked toward the funeral home, located near the hospital. The service room had beautiful arrangements of pink and yellow chrysanthemums at the front and sides, with a large empty spot up front for the coffin. There was a framed picture of Tohru, the same one that had been on Momiji's concert program, and large incense burners. 

Once the coffin had been placed on the altar at the front, everyone found a place to sit. A staff member let them know that there were snacks available in the next room, and Saki and Arisa were the first to head over and eat. 

Time flew, and everyone found their assigned spots shortly before the other guests started to arrive. Ritsu and Mitsuru arrived first, with Ritsu's mother unable to attend due to her health. Mitsuru wore a black cardigan and pencil skirt, and Ritsu wore a black furisode with tonal embroidery. Next, Kisa and Hiro's moms arrived together, Hinata still at home with Hiro's dad. Tohru's relatives arrived next, followed by two women Momiji recognized as Tohru's coworkers. Kunimitsu came after, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans under a sports coat, and Kyo almost didn't recognize him in his modern clothes. Saki's family and Arisa's dad also arrived together, and when Megumi went to sit with them, Yuki raised his eyebrows in surprise at how normal Saki's family looked. Last came everyone from Kaibara High: Mayu, Kakeru, Komaki, Machi, Kyo's friends Yusuke and Hiroshi, Nao and Kimi from student council, and a handful of students they recognized but couldn't name – people who had been recipients of Tohru’s kindness at one time or another and wanted to pay their respects. 

The wake began, and the priest chanted a sutra as guests held their juzu beads. Kyo looked at his own beads, thinking about the time Tohru had seen them removed, how she used to grab onto them, the look she gave him at the beach when he asked if his life was worth the sacrifice of another. He had always resented these beads, but right now, they felt like a connection to Tohru, and he was grateful for that. 

As the sutra continued, the six guests seated in front rose to offer incense and pray. Kyo went first, taking the granules, touching them to his forehead, and placing them in the burner. He knelt, looked at her portrait, and let himself weep, unable to even form words in his thoughts as his entire being shattered with the pain of his loss. 

He stood and took his place next to the altar as he wept. He watched Grandpa, Arisa, Saki, Yuki, and Shigure each follow, and take their place next to him; he noticed that even Shigure’s eyes looked a bit red and damp. Then, the other guests began standing to offer incense, pray, and offer their condolences. 

As his cousins came forward, he did his best to accept their words of condolence. He felt hollow, like his chest was empty and he would never be whole again. Everyone's faces started blurring together, and he felt his body start trembling again as his vision constricted. 

"You're doing great, Kyo. I'm right here, I'm so proud of you." Kazuma's warm voice soothed him the moment he thought he couldn’t handle anymore. He was grateful for the firm squeeze Kazuma gave him before he moved on to speak with more guests. Ritsu offered the quietest, most appropriate “I’m sorry;” a sharp contrast to his usual over-the-top apologies. He was pleasantly surprised to see Hiroshi and Yusuke. 

"Kyo, we're sorry. We know you were close." 

"Yeah. We wanna be there for you, man. Whatever you need." 

He was touched. Once again, he was seeing the proof that there were people other than Tohru and Kazuma who truly cared for him. They weren't even calling him "Kyon-Kyon." 

"Thanks Hiroshi, Yusuke. It means a lot that you came." 

"You're our friend, we just wanna know you're okay." 

Kyo was incredibly moved. "I'm...not yet. But I think I will be. Thanks again." 

They moved on. 

Down the line, Kakeru had just arrived in front of Yuki. 

"Thanks for coming, Kakeru. I don’t know what I would have done without you this week." 

"Yun-Yun! We wouldn't dream of skipping your mom's wake!" 

"And now I remember why I didn't want you to meet my family," Yuki sighed, smiling despite himself. 

"Yuki, remember we're always happy to be there for you," said Komaki, with a smile that reminded Yuki of Tohru. 

“Thank you so much, Komaki. You’ve been amazing, too.” 

"President, I'm sorry for your loss," said Machi, looking down. 

"Machi," Yuki took her hand and kissed it tenderly, and she looked up to meet his heated gaze. "It means the world to me that you've been here through this. Thank you." 

Machi blushed, gave an awkward bow, and moved on, trying not to think about the way Yuki had just looked at her, or the way his lips had felt so soft against her knuckles. 

The guests had gone into the next room for dinner after offering their condolences to Tohru's chosen family. Shigure, Yuki, Saki, Arisa, Grandpa, and Kyo went in after the last guest had finished speaking with Shigure. They each found seats with their own friends and family, and once everyone was settled, Yuki rose to speak. 

"Hello everyone. Thank you for joining us today to honor our dear friend, Tohru Honda-san. Honda-san lost her dad when she was young, and her mom died in her first year of high school. Through a series of coincidences, she ended up boarding at the same house as me and two of my cousins." He gestured to Shigure and Kyo, each at different tables across the room. "She had merely been on the periphery of my awareness before that day; a classmate whose name I vaguely knew. But through her warmth, kindness, strength, and generosity, she became our family." He paused to look around the room. 

"Honda-san showed me that family isn't something determined by blood. She treated each of us like family, even before she knew what kind of person we were. Because of her, our house was no longer simply the place we lived; it was a loving home. Her presence in my life changed me, as I know she changed many of you simply by accepting you as you are." 

He went on. "Someone recently remarked that Honda-san reminded them of a flower." He looked at Kyo, who was staring down at his table, exhausted and bereaved. "I didn't understand at first, but in spending time with all of you, I'm starting to see what they meant. When the first flowers appear in early spring, they're a reminder that the days are getting longer, and the sun is coming back. I think she helped a lot of us have hope that things would get better, even when it seemed impossible." 

He took a deep breath. "When a plant has finished flowering, it begins to form seeds. Honda-san's time with us may have come to an end, but she planted seeds in all of us while she was here, and through those seeds she lives on. May the kindness, acceptance, care, and compassion Honda-san extended to each of us take root in our hearts, and bloom within us, so we may honor her memory by helping others find their hope. I offer my sincere thanks to each of you for joining us, and for helping Honda-san's legacy live on in our hearts and deeds." 

He bowed and sat back down between Kakeru and Machi, and the room was soon filled with conversation and the sounds of a large dinner. 

"Yun-Yun!" Kakeru gushed, wiping a tear from his eye. "That was so beautiful!" 

"Well done, President," Machi smiled shyly. 

Komaki grinned at them; chopsticks raised. "Let's eat!" 

Chapter Text

After the meal, Tohru’s grandfather, Arisa, Saki, Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki all returned to the altar room to keep vigil. They stayed awake through the night, not wanting to miss any of this precious time at Tohru’s side. 

Saki and Arisa sat close, leaning their heads together affectionately. Tohru’s grandfather took a chair by the altar, occasionally placing a hand on her coffin. Shigure leaned against the wall, buried in his reading. Yuki paced and talked to himself, mentally reviewing the plan for tomorrow, worrying that he had forgotten something crucial even though he knew he had quadruple checked every detail. Kyo sat alone in a corner, hands over his eyes as he felt his grief start to crush him. 

How was it that she had been gone for almost two days? 

It was only getting more painful with time. Every second he felt like another part of her was slipping away from him, like sand pouring from a cracked hourglass. How long until even the echo of her memory had disappeared? 

He didn’t want to lose any more of her. He ached for her, to see her smile again, to hear her voice and her overly polite way of speaking, to feel her hand in his. He needed her in his life, and the knowledge that she was gone forever was tearing him apart. 

“...Kyo-kun?” 

Kyo looked up, realizing someone was talking to him. He saw Shigure gazing at him over the pages of his novel. “Huh?” he grunted, trying to keep his voice from breaking. 

“I asked whether you were familiar with the art of bonsai, Kyo-kun.” 

Kyo shook his head, lacking the energy to ignore Shigure’s prodding. 

“You’ve seen it, though, right?” 

Kyo nodded, thinking of the strange little trees in pots outside the dojo. 

“Have you ever wondered how bonsai artists develop a tree into a miniature masterpiece?” 

Kyo shook his head, mind now drifting into all the ways he could imagine someone making a small tree look like that. 

“A bonsai is alive, so it’s always changing, and the master must understand that first and foremost. The cultivation of a bonsai never stops, because without the care of the artist, the tree will continue growing into a state of disharmony.”  

Kyo listened, curious where Shigure was going with this. 

“They trim and prune and put pressure on the trunk as it grows to shape the tree into a work of art. They wrap wires or clamp sections to change the direction it grows. But when we see a bonsai display, we don’t see the wires or tools or any of the labor that went into its cultivation. We just see a living thing rendered beautifully.” 

Kyo nodded, although he wasn’t certain he understood. 

“The artist must make decisions wisely. Every technique they apply will affect the plant permanently. Even if they never clamp the trunk again, doing it just once will change the way it grows, and that lingering effect will remain visible for the rest of the plant’s lifespan. Do you follow?” 

Kyo nodded again, feeling the knot in his abdomen begin to loosen, although he still wasn’t sure why. 

“And while the artist works on their specimen, the bonsai changes the artist, too. Their techniques become more skillful, and their practice becomes intertwined with their heart.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” Kyo finally asked, more gruffly than he intended. 

“Think of yourself as a bonsai. You’re a living thing, so you’re always changing, and you will continue to cultivate your best self for the rest of your life with the help of your loved ones. But everything you’ve been through has changed you permanently into the young man you are today, much like the way a bonsai is permanently changed when a master uses wires to change the direction their specimen grows. Long after their expert hands have left you, you will still bear the evidence of their artistry even as you continue to grow and change. And the people who have had a hand in shaping you have also been permanently changed by you.” 

And Kyo finally understood. He may continue to change, but Tohru’s impact on him would always be present, reaching into every part of himself from the moment they met, even if it grew harder to see as time went on.  

And in spending time with her, he had changed her, too. 

He looked at his cousin gratefully. “I get it. Thanks.” 

“Who said I never give good advice?” Shigure teased, his usual playful tone returning. 

Arisa, Saki, and Yuki all moved closer when they heard Shigure talking. Tohru’s grandfather brought his chair over, and they began sharing more stories about Tohru. Even though they’d heard most of these stories already, it felt important to keep her name on their lips, and they found new ways of understanding these memories, as though they were viewing them through a kaleidoscope that would rotate each time the story was retold. 

At around seven in the morning, they ate a quick breakfast together in the next room and returned to their seats for the funeral. 

Since it was a weekday morning, fewer people attended the funeral than had been at the wake the night before. Only those who had come to the house were present, except for Mayu, who had to teach. Tohru’s other relatives did not return, to no one’s surprise. Yuki was touched to see his friends had returned, too. 

The funeral service was very similar to the wake, with each guest offering incense and a prayer to Tohru, but this time, everyone placed flowers from the display into her coffin. By the time the last guest had added flowers, her girlish face was surrounded by the pink and yellow blossoms, looking eerily beautiful and dreamlike. 

Kyo, Grandpa, Arisa, Saki, Yuki, and Shigure took turns nailing the lid of her coffin with a stone, and the pallbearers rose to carry her casket to the crematorium through a door behind the altar. The entire assembly followed. 

As the casket was loaded into the furnace, the priest chanted a sutra, and they watched as the coffin began to catch fire. Everyone filed back into the dining room to consume lunch while flames consumed their beloved Tohru. 

A bento was placed in front of Tohru’s picture at the front of the dining room as the staff delivered bentos to guests at their tables. Kyo sat with Kazuma, and Kagura claimed the seat at his other side. Rin and Haru filled out the remaining seats, and Kyo listened to Haru and Kagura pepper Kazuma with questions about the dojo, grateful that his tablemates didn’t expect him to talk right now. 

Kisa and Hiro sat with Arisa, Saki, and Megumi. Since Kisa was the same year as Megumi, and both planned to apply to Kaibara High, they excitedly chattered about what they hoped it would be like while Hiro scowled, jealous that Kisa was talking to another boy. Saki noticed this, and started asking Kisa questions about herself, Arisa joining when she understood what was happening. Megumi turned to Hiro, quietly offering some wisdom. 

“Being in love can be painful. You feel as if your heart is made of glass, and you’ve entrusted it to someone else, knowing full well they could drop it at any moment. But watching and waiting for them to slip and fall isn’t going to keep your heart from shattering. Learn to trust her footing. She wants to protect it, too.” 

Hiro scowled, although he did feel relief at Megumi’s words. Kisa was already delightedly calling Saki and Arisa “o-nee-chan.” 

At the next table, Mine and Grandpa were laughing at the story Ayame and Shigure were animatedly retelling. Evidently, it was hugely embarrassing for Hatori, who was pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance, although a small grin briefly graced his face ever so briefly. 

Yuki sat with Kakeru, Komaki, Machi, and Momiji, feeling overwhelming gratitude to his friends for their continued presence. 

“I can’t believe you came today,” he said. “Really, thank you so much. I’ll never forget this.” 

“Like Komaki would miss a chance to eat free food!” Kakeru teased. 

“Too bad it’s vegetarian, though,” she joked, met with laughs from her tablemates who were all too familiar with her fondness for meat. 

As they finished eating, a staff member came to each table to let them know they were ready to begin the bone ceremony. 

The mourners filed into a room off the side of the crematory, and the funeral staff explained the process. Beginning at the end closest to the door, where her feet had been, they would use special pairs of mismatched chopsticks to transfer Tohru's bones into an urn. 

Everyone participated, taking turns, passing the fragments of bone to each other until the person by the urn placed them inside. The staff explained how picking certain bones would bring luck, wisdom, or other blessings for the participants. 

Last, Kyo placed her throat bone atop the other fragments with shaking hands, and the urn was sealed. Staff brought the full urn back to the altar along with her picture for a brief memorial service, led once more by the priest chanting a sutra. 

When the memorial service was done, everyone said their goodbyes and went to their homes. Kyo was tasked with carrying Tohru's remains back to the house, cradling the urn against his heart the entire way, Kazuma’s hand applying gentle pressure to his back. Yuki carried the framed photo of Tohru, and Shigure carried a bag with extra bentos from lunch. 

While they had been at the funeral home, staff had purified Shigure's house and placed an altar in the hallway. Shigure went to retrieve the framed picture of Kyoko, which had been brought down to the living room, and Kyo gently placed the urn containing Tohru's ashes in the center, leaving his hand on it as he closed his eyes, not ready to let go of Tohru just yet. Yuki then placed Tohru’s portrait opposite the picture of her mother. 

The altar had an incense burner, a candle, a bell, a small figure of the Buddha, and a platform for additional offerings of food. Shigure briefly explained what to expect at the memorial services over the following days, and then retired to his study to sleep. Still exhausted from staying awake the previous night, Yuki and Kyo decided to try and nap as well. 

Yuki went up first, and Kazuma spoke with Kyo. 

"I'll be here when you wake up, Kyo. Get some rest," he said gently, placing a comforting hand on Kyo's shoulder. 

Kyo looked completely broken, but he blinked back his tears, nodded, and went upstairs. 

At the top of the stairs, he looked toward Tohru's room, finding the door closed. He missed her so much; he craved any reminder of her, anything that would connect him to her. He eased the door open and found her room had been emptied while they were gone. 

He stumbled in, collapsed on the floor, and felt an ear-splitting sound rip from his throat before he had even processed the void in front of him. She's really gone. There was no trace of her left in this room; even the pink curtains had been taken away. He let his grief pour out in loud, full-body wails, feeling her absence penetrate to his very core. 

Yuki appeared in the doorway at the sound of Kyo's cries, alarmed, and realized immediately what had brought Kyo to his knees. Her things had been removed. She was really, truly gone. The room was even more empty than the day she arrived. Yuki fell to his knees beside Kyo and tentatively put a hand on his cousin’s shoulder, feeling himself start to sob as he also struggled to process the full weight of Tohru's absence hitting him all at once. He heard footsteps on the stairs and Kazuma soon joined him at Kyo's side. 

The three of them sat together, both boys crying, for nearly an hour. Despite all the tears they had shed since that terrible morning in the rain, this was the moment her death fully sunk in, seeing the hole in their lives where Tohru had once been. Nothing could have prepared them for this; even if they had expected an empty room, it was still the most shocking reminder of the person they were missing. 

When Kyo was ready to stand, Yuki went to his own room, patting his eyes, and climbed into his bed. Kazuma watched Kyo disappear into his room before heading back downstairs. 

Kyo opened his door and found Tohru's bed was still there. He collapsed into it, exhausted, trying to find any trace of Tohru lingering in her sheets. He was asleep before he knew it, dreaming he was running after Tohru, only for her to keep disappearing around corners and behind doors, leaving only a hint of her scent and the echo of her laughter in her wake. 

Chapter Text

That evening, Kazuma ordered take-out for the four of them. They ate quietly around the chabudai, drained from the events of the last several days. 

Shigure and Kazuma spoke outside after dinner about Kyo's living arrangements. Shigure assured him that Kyo was welcome to live here for the remainder of his time in school. Kazuma thanked him and said he would wait and see what was best for Kyo. They agreed to check in regularly, and Kazuma went back inside to talk to Kyo. 

He found his son standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the sink, where Tohru would have been washing up after dinner. 

“Kyo,” he said, voice calm as ever. 

“Mm?” Kyo asked, still looking at the sink as though he could will Tohru back from the dead if he wished hard enough. 

“Let’s go to the roof.” 

Once on the roof, Kazuma gently brought up the topic of Kyo’s living arrangements. 

“Shigure and I spoke earlier. You have a home here for as long as you’d like, and you are also welcome to come back to live with me at the dojo whenever you wish.” 

Kyo didn’t respond. It was too much to think about leaving the home he’d shared with Tohru; it was too much to think about staying here without her. 

“It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do yet,” Kazuma continued. “I’d like to suggest you stay here for now, so it’s easier for you to attend her memorial services downstairs.” 

Kyo still didn’t respond, not ready to think about the weeks of mourning ahead of him. 

“I will stay here with you for the rest of the week,” Kazuma told him. “I'll return to the dojo no sooner than Sunday evening.” 

Kyo nodded slightly, grateful his dad could be there to support him. 

They looked out at the city until Kyo was ready to go to bed. 

That night, Kyo was plagued once again by nightmares. He awoke several times after feeling Tohru’s breathing slow and eventually stop as he kissed her. Each time he fell back asleep, the memory twisted itself until he was sucking the breath out of her, killing her with his lips pressed to hers. He couldn’t bring himself to sleep after that, and he went up to the roof shortly before sunrise, tiptoeing around Shishou’s futon so as not to wake him. 

He lay with his arms over his face, trying to block out any sensation that might trigger his memories with Tohru. But the roof had become so connected to her, he couldn’t handle being there alone without the possibility that she might join him. 

He went downstairs, unsure of what to do or where to go. As he wandered, he saw the altar in the hallway and sat down in front of her remains, placing a hand on the urn as he began talking to her. 

“Hi Tohru,” he began, voice barely a whisper. “I know you can’t hear me, but I need to talk to you.” 

He took a deep breath, trying to imagine she was listening. 

“The house feels so empty without you. They took all your stuff while we were at your funeral. Your room is just empty now, like you were never there.” He wiped a tear from his face. “It hurts, Tohru. You should be there, sleeping in your bed. You should be coming down the stairs any moment now, wearing that stupid expression and cooking the best damn breakfast in the world.” He sniffled. “When is it gonna stop hurting, Tohru? It gets worse every day; I keep getting further and further from you.” He stopped, letting himself cry as he rubbed loving circles into her urn with his thumb. “I’m so scared I’m going to forget what you looked like. Not like, your face. I know I won’t forget your face. But the exact way you looked when you came down the stairs in the morning, or the way you’d smile at me when we cooked together, or when I would watch you hang laundry with that goofy smile of yours. I don’t want to forget any of it.” 

He leaned his forehead against the altar. “It hurts so damn much. I still need you, Tohru. Why did you have to leave?” He stayed there, tears falling silently, hands caressing the urn that held her bones, forehead pressed against her altar, until he heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs. 

When he saw his Shishou, he wiped his eyes and tried to smile, immediately choking on a sob instead. Kazuma sat quitely beside him for as long as he needed. 

They were awake well before Shigure and Yuki began to stir, so Kyo cooked breakfast, leaving portions for his housemates in the oven. Kazuma suggested going outside to run through some kata together. Kyo changed into his gi and joined his Shishou outside. 

It felt good to move his body again. He hadn’t run or lifted weights since Tohru’s death, let alone done any karate. They practiced for more than an hour, and Kyo was smiling by the end of it. 

When they went in to shower and change, Yuki was awake, getting his breakfast from the oven. Shigure's portion was already gone, a third set of dishes resting in the sink. 

Saki and Arisa came by for lunch, and the six of them ate the bentos from the funeral home quietly around the chabudai.  

Shigure eventually broke the silence. “Saki-chan, I enjoyed meeting your brother! He has quite a way with words! Perhaps you’ve got a budding novelist in the family?” 

“No,” was all she said in reply. 

Shigure gulped and tried a different tack. 

“Arisa-chan, how-” 

“Oi, where do you get off calling me – chan ?” she growled, producing a steel pipe seemingly out of nowhere. 

He gulped again, then stood abruptly. “Well, I’m off to finish my manuscript. Mit-chan will have a fit if I miss another deadline.” 

He disappeared into his study, swiftly closing the door. 

Suddenly, Yuki was making a strange noise and covering his mouth. Kyo jumped to his feet, worried Yuki was choking. He had just put his arms around Yuki’s middle when Yuki burst out giggling. 

“What the fuck, Prince?” bellowed Arisa. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just... I’ve never seen him so eager to meet a deadline. We really should get you a direct line to his editor before she has an aneurism,” he said from behind his hand, eyes crinkled in delight. 

Kyo met this with a tentative chuckle, then he and Yuki laughed harder and harder until they were howling, every attempt to stop followed by more hysterics, until eventually Kazuma watched the four teens, including the ever-aloof Saki, dissolve into tears of laughter over the exchange. 

Kazuma happily handled clean up from the two meals, and the four friends decided to play cards at Arisa’s suggestion. 

As he cut the deck, Yuki reminisced, “I used to watch you play Rich Man, Poor Man before I felt comfortable around people. I was anxious to join such a lively game, but Honda-san encouraged me to play with you.” 

Arisa put a hand on her heart, face radiating affection. 

“Oi, Saki, you remember that time we played poker after the long-distance run?” asked Kyo. 

“I remember your face when you lost every game to me,” gloated Saki. 

“She was so worried about me that day,” remembered Yuki. “I had a cold, and she seemed so frightened. I didn’t know her father had died from a cold.” 

“She doesn’t- I mean, she didn’t talk about him much,” replied Arisa. 

They got quiet, each taking their next few tricks in relative silence. Arisa’s correction to the past tense was too blunt a reminder of why they were there. 

“I remember you skipped that day, darling Arisa,” said Saki, interrupting the spiraling thoughts of the others. “Sweet Tohru suggested we do your share of the running in your absence.” 

“And then you quit before taking a single step,” teased Kyo. 

“I did my very best. However, my best attempt at most athletic endeavors is akin to the best attempt of an eel to climb a tree,” mused Saki. 

Yuki was wondering why she always spoke like that, but before his mind had even put the thought into words, she was answering, “One must live life poetically,” before she played her last card, winning the game. 

Yuki groaned, rolling his eyes, smiling despite himself. 

That afternoon, a large group came to the house after school for the memorial service. All the younger members of the Zodiac were there, as was Hatori. Kakeru, Komaki, and Machi all came, too, to Yuki’s delight. 

They knelt around the butsudan as the incense burned, silently honoring Tohru. The service was short, wrapping up well before dinner. 

Yuki retreated to his bedroom with his friends just as his cousins started a new game of Rich Man, Poor Man with his classmates. 

“So, how are you doing with everything?” Kakeru asked, no trace of his usual boisterous façade. 

“Not terrible,” answered Yuki honestly. “Uotani-san and Hanajima san made me laugh this afternoon. That was nice.” 

“Oh yeah, what did they do?” asked Komaki, grinning. 

“They scared Shigure-san into meeting his deadline,” Yuki started giggling again from the memory. 

“How did someone sweet like Honda get to have such scary friends?” Kakeru wondered aloud, chuckling at his friend’s amusement. 

“I used to think maybe Honda-san didn’t realize her friends were so scary. She always seemed to experience the world differently from everyone else. But the more I learn about Honda-san, the more I realize she gravitated toward people who didn’t really know how to make friends, or who didn’t think they deserved friends. It’s like she knew who would need her most,” he reflected. 

“Yeah? She was really something, wasn’t she?” Kakeru thought. 

“She really was,” Yuki sighed. After a moment, he asked, “Do you think you’ll be able to come to the other memorials?” 

“Unfortunately, this will probably be the last one for me,” admitted Komaki. 

Yuki knew she lived further away, and he felt a stab of guilt at the trouble she must have gone to for him. “I’m really glad you came, Komaki,” he said appreciatively. 

“And I have to stay late tomorrow,” Kakeru added apologetically. 

“What? Why?” Yuki couldn’t imagine Kakeru was in trouble; despite his loud personality, he was a very good student and well-liked by his teachers. 

“Just catching up on some work for student council,” Kakeru carefully chose his words, and Yuki realized Kakeru was covering his duties as President while he was absent. 

“Kakeru, I’m so sorry, you don’t-” 

“Yun-Yun, don’t worry about it. That’s the job. I’m there when you can’t be. And you’re such a good president, I’ve barely had anything to do this year anyway!” 

Yuki scowled, kicking himself for his oversight. He was such a bad friend. 

“He’s right, you know,” said Machi. “You’ve been a very diligent President.” 

Yuki beamed at her, immediately forgetting his guilt. Kakeru and Komaki exchanged grins. 

“How about you, Machi? Will you be able to come tomorrow?” 

“If you would like me to come, President, I’ll be there.” She looked down, trying to hide her reddening cheeks. 

“Please. I always want to see you, Machi,” Yuki said so earnestly, Kakeru pretended to vomit, earning a hard elbow in the gut from his friend. 

Shigure didn’t join them for dinner, evidently too scared of Tohru’s friends to risk another interaction so soon, much to the amusement of all. Kyo and Saki made yakiniku, and Kakeru, Komaki, Machi, and Arisa all stayed to eat. Arisa and Kakeru got along famously, teasing each other throughout the meal, much to Komaki’s amusement and Yuki’s dread. Machi helped Yuki with the dishes afterward, and Yuki blushed each time her shoulder brushed his as she handed him dishes to dry. When they were finished, he walked her and the other guests out to the end of the path, squeezing Machi’s hand as they went their separate ways. He knew he had to tell her soon, but he just wanted to enjoy things as they were for a little longer. 

As the week continued, Kyo talked to Tohru first thing each morning, followed by kata with Shishou. Saki and Arisa came each day in time for lunch. The group that attended the memorials dwindled throughout the week, but Machi was there every day. 

On Sunday, only Saki, Arisa, Kakeru, and Machi came, and Kakeru left before dinner. After the memorial, Yuki and Machi went up to his room alone while Arisa and Kazuma cleaned up, and Kyo and Saki watched a game show in the living room, Saki announcing the results of each game just before they were shown, much to Kyo’s annoyance. 

Machi sat next to Yuki on his bed, having grown considerably more comfortable with him over the course of the week. 

“I’m happy I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” she smiled shyly. 

Yuki took her hand, then took a deep breath to gather his courage. 

“Machi, I need to tell you something,” he said. She looked up in alarm, but he held her hand firm and looked her in the eye. 

“I... I have feelings for you Machi,” he finally squeaked out, face flushed. Machi beamed at him. 

“I have feelings for you, too, President,” she whispered, eyes locked on him. 

“But there’s something you need to know about me,” he said, eyes suddenly sad. “Being physically close to people is... hard... for me. I can’t hug you. Something... strange happens to me when I hug certain people. If you were to hug me, I might not be able to see you anymore.” His stomach lurched at the thought. “One day, I’ll tell you why, but... I can’t yet.” He realized, with a jolt of embarrassment, that he was crying. He quickly turned his face away, ashamed. 

“Pr- President?” he heard her say timidly. 

“Ye- yes?” he stammered, heart pounding. 

“It’s okay if you can’t hug me,” she said, voice growing more confident. “That’s not what’s important.” 

“It’s... it’s not?” Yuki felt relief wash over him. 

“No. I like you because you understand me. You make me feel calm, and you listen to me and believe what I say. You’re kind to me. And you let me be there for you,” she reached up to dry his tears. 

He leaned his head onto her shoulder. “How did I ever get so lucky, Machi?” he asked, smiling. 

She smiled, too, and leaned her head into his. They basked in this contact for a while before Yuki sat up, a grin spreading over his face. 

“Machi, I can’t hug you, but I’d like to kiss you. Is that okay?” 

Machi turned beet red, but nodded, eyes twinkling, as Yuki leaned in and brought his lips to hers in a slow, tender kiss. 

They broke apart, stars in their eyes, and beamed at each other, expressions full of love and gratitude. He tilted her chin up and kissed her again, more deeply this time. She quickly met his intensity, parting her lips as he flicked his tongue across her upper lip, granting him access. He grazed her teeth, and she plunged her tongue into his mouth, earning a surprised gasp. He brought his hands into her hair, moving his mouth passionately against hers, pulling her closer. She gripped the front of his shirt in her hands, panting as their kiss grew more intense, more desirous, and had just started to undo the fastenings on his collar when- 

“Oi, Prince,” Arisa opened the door, and her jaw dropped as she processed the scene in front of her. Yuki was sitting on the bed, mouth open, lips parted, hair mussed, looking thoroughly confused and frustrated at the sudden loss of contact. Machi had flown across the room and was hiding her face in the corner, pink ears visible, barrette askew, hair swept in all directions. 

“Were you two just...?” Arisa began, mouth twitching into a smile before yelling at the top of her lungs, “OI, SAKI, YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS!” 

Yuki leapt to the door, pushing Arisa out of the room and slamming the door in her face, locking it with a sharp “click.” 

“Machi, I’m so, so sorry. Are you okay?” 

Machi was trembling. He went to her and placed his hands on her shoulders until he felt her body calm. 

“I’ll talk to them. They won’t say anything at school,” he promised. 

Machi nodded, but then tears started to spill as her anxiety spiked. She was humiliated at having been seen in such a private moment. 

Yuki watched her panic and his heart broke. He never wanted her to feel like this. He weighed his options and made up his mind. He kissed her forehead, then went out to talk to the other girls. 

“Uotani-san, you can’t just barge in like that!” he hissed once he was downstairs.  

Arisa was grinning at him. 

“I’m serious! Machi’s really upset.” 

Arisa saw tears forming in his eyes, and realized she had to make it right. “Okay, okay, I’ll apologize. We just wanted to offer to walk home with her.” 

Yuki thought for a minute. “Let me talk to her. First, please promise me you won’t say anything at school.” 

“She’s a nice girl. We wouldn’t set your fan club on her. Right, Saki?” 

“We assure you; we will keep your dalliance in strict confidence, Yuki-kun.” 

“And Prince,” Arisa said with a wink. “Congratulations!” 

Yuki went back upstairs, relieved at their assurances. 

“Machi, are you okay?” 

Machi nodded, still shaking. 

“They swore not to say anything. I trust them. They just wanted to know if you’d like to walk home with them.” 

Machi met his gaze, relief washing over her delicate features. She nodded, then she smiled, and Yuki’s heart did a backflip. 

He walked her downstairs, and Arisa grinned the entire time. 

“Sorry for barging in on you making out.” 

“SERIOUSLY, UOTANI-SAN?” Yuki bellowed in exasperation. 

But Machi started giggling, and suddenly they were all bent over wheezing with laughter until they couldn’t breathe. 

“Let’s go, Kura-chan!” said Arisa, wiping tears from her eyes with a grin. 

“Kura-chan?” asked Machi. 

“Your name’s Kuragi, right? We’ll call you Kura-chan. Tohru used to call us Uo-chan and Hana-chan. It was her mom’s idea. I’ve always wanted to give a nickname like that to someone!” She put one arm around Machi and the other around Saki as the three of them left together, all smiles. 

When the door closed, Kyo quietly asked, “So, you and Kuragi, huh?” 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Yuki beamed. 

Kyo smiled, although Yuki saw the sadness behind it. “Good for you.” And guilt began to eat at Yuki once more, as he realized Kyo was still grieving the relationship he never got to have with Tohru. 

That evening, Kazuma kept Kyo company as he packed his school bag and set out a uniform for his return to school the next day. 

“Tomorrow morning, I’ll return to the dojo,” Kazuma told him. 

“Okay, Shishou,” Kyo said, voice small. 

“You know you can still come see me whenever you want, and I can visit any time.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m really proud of you, Kyo.” 

“You keep saying that! I don’t get it!” 

“Well, you keep making me proud!” Kazuma chuckled as Kyo scowled, before a grin slowly spread over his face. He suddenly launched a strike, and the karate master caught Kyo's fist in his palm and ruffled his son’s hair as Kyo smiled more broadly than he had all week. 

Chapter Text

Kyo and Yuki walked to school together the next day, Yuki with a new spring in his step as he thought of his kiss with Machi the night before, and Kyo aching that Tohru wasn't there to walk with them. 

Haru and Momiji were waiting for them at the front door. Yuki split off when he saw Kakeru and Machi outside the student council room. 

“Hey,” said Yuki, grinning at his best friend and his girlfriend. “Thanks for meeting me here.” 

“Of course!” Kakeru replied brightly. “It’s your first day back, we wanted you to know we’re here for you, Yun-Yun!” 

Yuki and Machi were smiling at each other, cheeks pink, which Kakeru immediately noticed. “Yun-Yun! Did you finally kiss my sister?” he teased, only to be punched in the gut simultaneously by both Yuki and Machi. “Point taken. No more jokes about kissing my sister,” he gasped, doubled over. “See you at lunch, Yun-Yun,” he waved as he left them alone together in the student council room, still clutching his stomach. 

“Machi,” Yuki said, gazing into her eyes. “How are you feeling today?” 

“Happy,” Machi immediately answered, breathless. 

Yuki grinned at her, then took a deep breath. “So... does Kakeru actually know we kissed?” 

“No...” Machi flushed. “...Maybe.” 

“Maybe?” Yuki smirked. 

“He hasn't stopped asking, okay?” She buried her face in her hands. 

Yuki laughed. “It’s no problem, Machi. I just wanted to know if I could tell him.” He smiled at her, cupping her cheeks in his hands. 

“Oh,” she said, allowing her lips to curl into a small smile. “Okay.” 

“I promise, I won’t tell anyone without asking you first.” He kissed her on the forehead. 

Machi’s smile grew wide. “Thank you for thinking of me, President. You’re always so considerate.” 

Yuki beamed at her, then asked, grinning, “So, what will you call me once my term is over?” 

“Oh,” said Machi, considering her options. “I was going to call you Sohma-senpai, but now... I think I’d like to call you... Yuki .” She blushed furiously as her lips formed his first name. 

“I’d really like that, Machi,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers and stroking her cheek with the backs of his fingers, leaning in to capture her lips once more. 

Momiji and Haru walked Kyo all the way to class. 

“Kyo, you know where to find us if you need anything at all today,” said Haru, clapping a hand on Kyo’s shoulder. 

“We’ll come find you at lunch if we don’t see you before then, ja?” Momiji’s eyes were filled with concern. 

Kyo looked at his two cousins, struck by their thoughtfulness. “Thanks, guys. I really appreciate you lookin' out for me,” he said before heading into his classroom. Saki and Arisa were already seated, and they each gave Kyo a wave as he slumped into his seat. Yuki slipped in just before the bell rang, hair mussed and lips swollen. 

Kyo rested his head on his desk all day, unable to focus on anything but the empty desk where Tohru sat. Every time he looked up, there was a void where she was supposed to be. Through each block, he tried not to think about how much it hurt to be here without Tohru, but every time he turned his head, a painful reminder of her absence would squeeze his chest, threatening to suffocate him. 

He felt so incredibly lonely, he walked right out of the school grounds at lunch, leaving his things at his desk. He wasn’t paying attention to where his feet were taking him and found himself outside the dojo a short while later. 

He walked to a bench in the courtyard and drew his legs up on one end, thinking about how much he missed Tohru, and how they would visit the dojo together. He thought about the future he had imagined with her, bringing their children to visit Grandpa Kazuma. He thought about how much he wanted to hold her without transforming. He thought about all the empty places where she once had been. 

"Hello, Kyo," came a gentle voice from the other end of the bench. 

"Hi Shishou," he replied, cringing at how sad and pathetic his voice sounded. 

"What brings you here at this hour?" 

Kyo winced. That's right, he was skipping school. He was such a disappointment, such a terrible disgrace to the man who had taken him in. His face crumpled, anger at himself joining the crushing emptiness that was already killing him. "I couldn't take it, Shishou,” he wept. “Her desk is empty, just like her room, and she's just disappearing over and over again." His face was contorted in anguish. "How many times am I gonna lose her?" 

Kazuma's heart ached for his son. He had never heard Kyo’s voice sound so fragile, so desperate. "She was present in every part of your life, Kyo. Grief will continue to show itself to you in new ways for the rest of your life." 

Kyo looked at him like he was going to shatter from the pain. 

"Every time you feel the weight of her loss, that's proof that she was here,” Kazuma reminded him, voice soft. 

"It just hurts so much. I don't know if I can take any more of this." Kyo wiped at his eyes with trembling hands. 

Kazuma wrapped him in a firm hug. “I know it hurts, Kyo. I’m so sorry.” 

That evening, Arisa and Saki came by the dojo. Kazuma greeted them warmly, and showed them to Kyo's room, where he was resting. 

"Oi, Kyon, we're coming in, so you'd better put your dick away!" Arisa shouted as Kazuma disappeared down the hall. 

"What the hell? You can't just shout things like that! My dad could’ve heard you!" Kyo stomped to the door and wrenched it open angrily, proving he was fully dressed. 

As Kazuma’s kimono disappeared around the corner, his stifled chuckle turned into a soft gasp upon hearing Kyo call him dad for the first time. 

"It seems our ruse was successful, Arisa," Saki deadpanned as they barged in and made themselves comfortable. 

"What? You can't go in there!" Kyo desperately tried to salvage the situation. 

"We missed you this afternoon," Saki said, ignoring Kyo's protestations. 

"Get out!" he yelled, rage boiling over. 

"Not until we get some answers, you hooky-playing delinquent!" shouted Arisa. 

"OH THAT'S RICH COMING FROM YOU, YOU FOUL-MOUTHED, PIPE-WIELDING, GODDAMN YANKEE!" Kyo roared. 

"It seems he's happy to see us, Arisa," said Saki, eyes piercing. 

"AND YOU! WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BARGE IN HERE UNINVITED! YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR PRIVACY, ALWAYS READING MY THOUGHTS!" 

"Aw, he really is, Saki! What a precious moment!" Arisa’s words dripped with sarcasm. 

"Why are you doing this?" Kyo's shouts were turning to pleas as his emotions spilled over. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" 

"You still don’t know? Because you're family, dumbass." 

Kyo looked at them, emotions churning into a confusing jumble until he broke down in tears. 

Arisa began to pull him in for a hug, but Kyo reacted on instinct, shoving her to the floor and running to the other wall. 

“Oi, what the fuck, Carrots!” Arisa bellowed. Kyo was flat against the far wall, panting and looking around anxiously as his tears continued to fall. 

“Arisa,” Saki said quietly, “I don’t think Kyo likes to be hugged.” 

Arisa gasped, realizing she had seen something similar once before. 

“Kyo,” she whispered, not even using a nickname out of respect for the seriousness of the situation. “There was a girl in my gang who also ...didn’t like to be touched. I should’ve known better. I’m sorry. I won’t try to hug you again.” 

Kyo was confused; why would a delinquent girl be afraid of hugs? It wasn't like there were other kids who turned into animals of the Zodiac when they were touched, right? 

However, he saw the opportunity to avoid an explanation, and appreciated Arisa’s assurance that it wouldn't happen again. “Okay, thanks. Sorry I pushed you or whatever. And... sorry I yelled at you.” He looked away, ashamed, as he dried his eyes. 

"I've said worse," smirked Arisa. 

"Yes, you'd be surprised what comes out of Arisa’s mouth when she's upset." 

"Would I, though?" Kyo grinned through his tears. 

They all laughed at that. 

"For real, Kyon. Are you okay? We were worried about you when you didn't come back from lunch." 

"Yes, and when we went to the house to look for you, the novelist told us we’d find you here." 

"That damn dog..." Kyo muttered, slapping his forehead in frustration. 

"So, what happened?" 

Kyo sniffled. "I just ...I couldn't handle seeing her empty desk. It feels like I keep losing her over and over. They cleared out her room while we were at the funeral, and she's just disappearing from my life more and more each day. It hurts." 

The two girls nodded. 

"It sucked, seeing her chair sit empty all day," Arisa said, head in her hands. 

"Yes, all I could think of today was our dear Tohru, and how empty the school felt without her." 

All three were crying. Saki and Arisa joined hands, and they each extended a hand to Kyo, allowing him to decide whether to accept the offer of contact. 

"If you'd told me a month ago I'd be sitting in my old room crying, holding hands with you two, I woulda thought you were crazy," he grinned as he tentatively took their hands in his own. 

"You and me both, Carrots," winked Arisa. 

"We actually came here to ask you something, Kyo-kun," said Saki, turning to Kyo. "What would help you make it through the school day tomorrow?" 

Kyo leaned back, thinking about the question. "I don't know. It's gonna hurt every day seeing her desk all empty. But I think it would hurt more if it was like she was never there." 

Saki and Arisa nodded and murmured their assent, and they each were lost in thought as they struggled with their friend’s absence. 

"Oh, I know!" exclaimed Arisa, breaking the silence. "We should decorate her desk!" 

"Huh?" 

"We can put a picture of Tohru, and some flowers for her, and then her desk will still be hers!" 

"That's a beautiful idea, Arisa. Perhaps we can call Yuki-kun and ask him to ask Mayu-sensei's handsome boyfriend." 

"What is with you thinking all my older relatives are handsome?" Kyo asked, exasperated. 

"Not just your relatives," said Arisa under her breath, causing Kyo to blush, although he wasn’t sure why. 

"What do you think, Kyo-kun?" Saki pressed, pointedly ignoring Arisa’s teasing. 

Kyo felt another rush of gratitude for Tohru's weird friends, who he realized were now truly his friends, too. "I think that might help. And maybe we could hang out during breaks and stuff. It's easier to deal with everything when I'm with you guys." He reddened. "Just, it's really hard to do this alone, and I keep forgetting that I don't have to be alone." 

"That's right. We're in this together." 

"For Tohru." 

"Thanks, Uotani, Saki." Kyo smiled at his friends. 

"Oh yeah! I meant to ask you, Kyon! When did you start calling Saki by her first name?" 

Kyo tried to remember. "I guess that was when we were still at the house." 

"And I missed it? What a bummer." 

"It's like missing your child's first steps, isn't it?" Saki mused serenely. 

"I swear, I'm gonna regret ever talkin' to you two," Kyo grumbled, rolling his eyes. 

The three of them cooked dinner together that evening, and they ate with Kazuma and Kunimitsu. Rin was still staying at the dojo, and quietly took a plate to her room while the others ate at the chabudai. Kunimitsu was telling them how Kyo used to cry when Kazuma would leave on training trips to other dojos. 

"Why does everyone at this table love embarrassing me?" moaned Kyo, sinking into the floor. 

"Because we love you, Kyon!" teased Arisa. 

"You can't just say shit like that!" Kyo griped. 

"Too bad, it's the truth.” She grinned. “Like we said, you're family now." 

Kyo's scowl slowly turned into a smile, despite his best efforts. Kazuma, watching, was again filled with gratitude for the growing community of people who viewed his son as their family. 

After dinner, the three of them walked back to Shigure's. 

"Kyon, tomorrow, we'll come talk to you at breaks, okay?" 

"Yes, and I'll bring supplies to decorate her desk." 

"You know you can't just paint it black, right Saki?" he joked. 

"Alas, Mayu-sensei has already informed me that I may not paint any school property black." 

"Of course she has," he rolled his eyes, grinning.  

"The decorations will be to Tohru's taste. Trust me." 

"I will, I will." 

When they reached the front door of the house, Saki opened it without knocking and called out, "We understand your housecat went missing this afternoon. We come to claim the reward for his safe return." 

"WHAT THE FUCK, SAKI?" 

Arisa grinned. 

"Kyon, don't forget, we're in this together. Don't run off again without telling us." 

"Okay. I'll do my best." 

They each gave his arm a squeeze and went home. 

Kyo was feeling better as he went up to bed. Yuki knocked on his door and asked to come in. 

"Hey," said Kyo. 

"Hey," replied Yuki, handing Kyo his school bag. "I grabbed this for you at the end of the day. Is everything okay?" 

“Oh, thanks.” Kyo took his bag from Yuki. "I just had a really hard time seeing Tohru's desk all empty," Kyo said, drying his eyes as they overflowed yet again. "I went to the dojo, and Saki and Uotani helped." 

"Since when are you on a first-name basis with Hanajima-san?" Yuki asked, realizing Kyo had always called her by her last name until recently. 

"Oh, yeah. That happened when everyone was staying at the house." 

"I guess a lot of us are making changes," Yuki mused, thoughts drifting to Machi. "Well, will you be okay tomorrow?" 

"No, but I think I can handle it," Kyo replied truthfully. "We were thinking of decorating Tohru's desk, so it's not empty but it still gets to be hers, you know?" 

"That's a really great idea," smiled Yuki. 

"Believe it or not, it was that damn delinquent’s idea." 

"I would never have guessed. I'll have to let her know what I think tomorrow, huh?" Yuki started toward the door. 

"Hey... thanks, Yuki,” Kyo said before he could leave. “I'm glad we're not fighting anymore." 

"Me too, Kyo," replied Yuki with a sad smile. 

And both boys went to bed, hearts aching that Tohru wasn’t there to see them finally getting along. 

Chapter Text

The next day, Tohru’s desk was already decorated when the boys arrived to class. Saki and Arisa had wrapped it in pink paper and placed a framed portrait of Tohru on top, along with a small vase of paper flowers. It somehow made things a little better; just the acknowledgement that she had been there allowed Kyo to breathe easier.  

True to their word, the girls came over to talk to Kyo at breaks. Yusuke and Hiroshi checked on him throughout the day, too, and the five of them ate lunch together on the roof, joined by Momiji and Haru.  

“We missed you yesterday-” Yusuke began, before falling silent at the urgent looks Saki and Arisa gave him.  

“No, it’s alright,” Kyo said. “I don’t mind telling them. I couldn’t deal with seeing Tohru’s desk sitting empty, so I left. Uotani had the idea to decorate it.”  

“That was really cool of you,” Hiroshi turned to Arisa appreciatively.  

“Alright, thanks,” she grinned. “Saki did all the work.”  

“Darling Arisa, you sell yourself short,” Saki replied. “You brought the decorations; I merely wrapped the desk with her signature color.”  

“And if we’re spreading the blame, we wouldn’t’ve done it without Kyon’s great escape,” Arisa elbowed Kyo playfully.  

“I didn’t even think about that,” Momiji said quietly. “It must be really hard, seeing reminders like that everywhere.”  

“Yeah,” Kyo sighed. “When I saw her empty room, that was the hardest.”  

“Do you think you’ll keep living in that house?” Haru wondered aloud.  

“I don’t know,” Kyo answered. “It’s hard to be there now that she’s gone. It was really nice to be back at the dojo yesterday.” He mulled it over. “I’ll probably stay at least until she’s in the ground. It helps to be able to go talk to her, even if it’s not really her.”  

The group nodded quietly, unsure how else to respond.  

“You guys should come on Sunday,” Kyo said, turning to Hiroshi and Yusuke. “We get together at the house every week for a memorial service,” he explained. “I mean, it was every day until now. But a bunch of us usually have dinner together after, and they usually come for lunch, too,” he gestured at Arisa and Saki.  

“Actually, Carrots, I can’t come for lunch anymore. Gotta work,” Arisa shrugged apologetically.  

Kyo frowned. Not only was he losing Tohru more with every day, but he was also losing time with the people who loved her most.  

“Kyo, what if we invited our cousins to come for lunch or dinner?” Momiji offered.  

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Kyo replied, smiling. “It helped when everyone was at the house. It’s been a lot harder now that everyone’s back home.”  

“Are you still gonna do class at the dojo three days a week?” Haru asked.  

“I haven’t really thought about it. I was only doing three days so I could spend the others with Tohru,” Kyo sniffed as tears filled his eyes again. “Maybe I’ll start going every day again.”  

“You know,” said Yusuke, “we play basketball after school, and we always wanted to ask you to play.”  

“Really?” Kyo was touched.  

“Yeah!” replied Yusuke. “Why don’t you come check it out today, we’ll introduce you to everyone!”  

“Yeah, alright,” Kyo smiled, excited to have something physical to do after school.  

“You can come, too!” Hiroshi turned to Haru and Momiji.  

“Sounds fun,” Haru said mildly.  

Momiji chuckled. “Maybe I’ll give it a try! I’m still getting used to this height,” he grinned.  

“What, no girls allowed?” scowled Arisa.  

“Oh, uh...” Hiroshi looked horrified.  

“Just kidding. I have work anyway,” she laughed.  

“How many jobs you work anyway, Uotani?” asked Hiroshi, recovering his confidence.  

“Three,” she replied.  

“Whoah!” Hiroshi and Yusuke exclaimed in unison.  

Kyo listened gratefully as Arisa started describing the funniest customers she’d met at her café job, glad for the community he’d found here at school.  

Down in the courtyard, Yuki was eating with Kakeru.  

“Sorry about yesterday morning,” Kakeru said apologetically.  

“It’s fine,” replied Yuki. “Actually, you weren’t wrong,” he raised an eyebrow, grinning.  

“WHAT! YUN-Ynngh!”  

“Shhh! Keep it down!” Yuki clapped a hand over Kakeru’s mouth. “You can not let those other girls find out!”  

“Oh, yeah, your fan club,” Kakeru stroked his chin. “This sounds like a job for the School Defense Force!”  

“Don’t,” Yuki pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.  

“I couldn’t be happier, Yun-Yun. If you two get married, we’ll be brothers for real!”  

“Is that a threat?” Yuki teased, grabbing his friend’s collar as they roughhoused affectionately.  

Kyo, Haru, and Momiji all stayed for basketball after school. Unsurprisingly, Kyo and Haru were quick learners and ended up picked first and second for teams by the third game. Momiji’s height made him decent at blocking and rebounds, but he was a terrible shot and even worse at dribbling, trying to use both hands to bounce the orange sphere, which made Hiroshi laugh so hard he fell over. They were all beaming by the end, having thoroughly enjoyed the game.  

“You know,” Kyo said as he walked home with his cousins, “you can come over for dinner any day. Not just Sundays.”  

“We know,” Haru smiled, clapping both his cousins on the shoulder as he split off from them for the dojo. “See you.”  

“Mind if I take you up on that today?” Momiji asked.  

“Yeah, come on over,” Kyo said.  

When they got to the house, both boys put a hand on Tohru’s urn on their way into the kitchen. Yuki wasn’t home yet, and Shigure was at the estate.  

“So empty,” Momiji muttered to himself as they sat at the chabudai.  

“Yeah,” Kyo replied.  

“Shii-chan has been spending a lot of time at the estate lately. The staff thinks he’ll be moving back soon.”  

“I can’t say I’d miss him,” Kyo shrugged.  

“Maybe you should move back to the dojo,” Momiji suggested. “I don’t think I could handle having to stay here with Tohru gone.”  

Kyo furrowed his brow, still unsure what he wanted to do. “It’s hard, but I also don’t want to leave. It’s already like I keep losing her. I don’t want to lose any more than I gotta, you know?”  

“ Ja , I know, but you have to do what’s best for you, too,” Momiji said wisely. “She’s still a part of you, and she always will be, even if you live somewhere else.”  

Kyo sighed, “I guess you’re right. I’ll think about it.”  

They sat quietly for a while, both thinking about the girl they loved.  

“I worry about you, Kyo,” Momiji admitted. “I know how hard it was for you to let Tohru in. I just don’t want you to isolate yourself.”  

Kyo felt tears coming to his eyes again. “You’re a lot more mature than I realized,” he said, putting a hand on the other boy’s shoulder.  

“That may be partially my fault,” Momiji grinned. “There were certain benefits to being small that I may have exploited.”  

“Remember when we went to the onsen?” Kyo asked, grinning back. “Tohru had no clue you were only a year younger than us!”  

“ Ja , I sometimes wish she hadn’t thought I was so young,” Momiji smiled wistfully as his eyes filled with tears. “Yuki said something about you being able to see her properly as a woman, and it made me realize she probably never saw me properly as a man. I still love her, but I know now that I need my future partner to see me as the man that I am.”  

Kyo thought about this. “I think she’s the first person I really thought of that way. I mean, I’m still supposed to be locked up after graduation, and I’ve known that since before Shishou took me in. I tried not to look at girls that way, ‘cause I knew I could never have anything that would last. But Tohru...”  

Momiji dabbed his face with his yellow handkerchief. “Something about her just melted away all your defenses and found its way into your heart.”  

“Yeah,” sighed Kyo, laying his head down on his arm.   

“Kyo, about your confinement. I don’t think it’ll happen,” Momiji said. “When my bond broke, Akito came to see me. I never realized how small and pathetic he is. He’s nothing more than a terrified, petulant child. I wish I could have seen him that way when I was still cursed. I wouldn’t have been as scared.”  

“You never seemed scared of Akito,” Kyo replied. “You were the one who helped Tohru when he was hurting her.”  

“All I did was run to get the grown-ups,” Momiji shrugged.  

“No, you tried to talk to him, too. I heard you. You’re really brave, Momiji,” Kyo put a hand on Momiji’s shoulder.  

“ Danke . I was scared, too. But I guess you can't be brave if you’re not scared. Otherwise, you wouldn’t need courage, ja?”  

“You really are a lot more mature than I realized,” Kyo smiled.  

“ Gut , because I was hoping we could go out for ice cream after dinner!” Momiji twirled as he stood up. “Now, what are we making tonight?”  

The rest of the week went much like this. Kyo always had someone to talk to at breaks, he ate lunch with a large group of friends, and went to class at the dojo after school on Wednesday and Friday, staying after for dinner with Kazuma. Haru and Rin even joined them for dinner both days, and Kagura came on Friday. He played basketball with his friends again on Thursday, then walked home with Saki and Arisa for dinner. He felt the support of his friends and family every day.  

Yuki was coming home later and later, sometimes having dinner at Kakeru’s, and, Kyo suspected, sometimes spending the evening at Machi’s before coming home after dark.  

Shigure continued staying at the estate more often. Kyo was starting to think Momiji was right, and he decided to ask Kazuma about moving back to the dojo once Tohru’s remains were placed in her family grave.  

On Saturday, Yuki knocked at his door late in the morning.  

“Yeah?” Kyo called out.  

“I’m going to visit Tohru’s grandpa after lunch. Would you like to join me?”  

Kyo hadn’t even thought about going to visit Tohru’s grandfather. “Yeah, that sounds nice. I’ll go.”  

“It's so nice to see you,” Tohru’s grandfather smiled at the two boys as he greeted them at the door.  

“Hi, jii-san,” Kyo mumbled.  

“Grandpa, thanks for having us,” Yuki bowed. Kyo looked at Yuki apprehensively; since when was he on such familiar terms with Tohru’s grandfather?  

They took off their shoes and joined him at the table.  

“What have you boys been up to this week?” Grandpa asked once everyone was settled.  

“We went back to school this week,” Yuki answered.  

“And how is that going?”  

“It’s fine,” Yuki replied.  

“It’s been hard, at least for me,” Kyo said.  

“That makes sense,” Grandpa nodded. “It’s probably very hard to go all the places you used to go with Tohru-san.”  

“I’ve been thinking of moving back in with Shishou,” Kyo added. “It’s been lonely at the house without Tohru.”  

Yuki stayed silent; he hadn’t been thinking of Kyo when he stayed out with Machi or Kakeru. He felt ashamed of this oversight.  

“Was that the nice man with you who wore traditional clothes?” Grandpa asked.  

“Yeah, he took me in after my mom died,” Kyo replied. “My dad ...had a hard time with all that, so Shishou asked if I wanted to come stay with him.”  

“You two seem very close.”  

“We are,” said Kyo. “After my mom, he was the only person who accepted me. At least he was,” Kyo gulped, “until I met Kyoko.”  

Grandpa smiled. “I didn’t realize you knew Kyoko-san.”  

Kyo rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t talk about it a lot, because losing her was hard, too, you know?”  

“I do," Grandpa replied wistfully.  

“She always knew what to say to make me feel better. I was just a kid with no mom and a dad who hated him, and she made me feel like I was okay, you know? Like I wasn’t a waste of life. Tohru did that, too, although in a totally different way.” Kyo was smiling as he reminisced about Tohru and Kyoko.  

“I was so happy when Katsuya married her. She made him happy in a way I don’t think he had ever experienced.”  

“What was Honda-san's father like?” Yuki asked, curious.  

“Well, he spoke very politely, but not quite like Tohru-san. He hid a bit of a sharp edge beneath his smile.”  

“That’s surprising to hear,” Yuki replied.  

“Yes, well, I’m afraid it’s my fault. I wasn’t a very good father to him. I was too strict. We were estranged for several years.”  

“Really? But you seem so...nice, jii-san.” Kyo couldn’t imagine Tohru’s grandfather as a strict man.  

“People change. And call me Grandpa, please.” He smiled at Kyo.  

“Okay...Grandpa,” Kyo said awkwardly.  

“Did you ever reconnect?” Yuki asked.  

“Yes, after my wife died. I realized I didn’t want to lose any more time with my son, especially if it was because of my own failings as a father.”  

Kyo and Yuki both thought of their own challenging fathers, and wondered if they might ever get to reconnect.  

“Jii-s- I mean, Grandpa, thanks for telling us that. Maybe one day my dad will forgive me.” Kyo had always wondered if he could ever have a good relationship with his father. Maybe it wasn’t impossible.  

“He’s the one who should be begging for your forgiveness, you dumb cat!” Yuki said, raising his voice.  

Kyo looked at Yuki, stunned. “Whaddya mean?”  

“What kind of father blames a four-year-old for his mom’s suicide? I told you before, you’re not responsible for what she did! You were just a kid, and she was supposed to take care of you!”  

Kyo flinched at Yuki’s words, but he saw tears in Yuki’s eyes and felt his own eyes begin to well up.  

“I’m inclined to agree with... I suppose I should learn your names by now,” Grandpa chuckled, realizing he couldn't keep calling them both young man .  

“Kyo.”  

“Yuki.”  

“Well, Kyo-san, I think Yuki-san has a point.”  

“San makes me itchy.” Kyo wiped his eyes, remembering when he had said the exact same thing to Tohru .  

“Very well. Kyo-kun, I do think you should listen to what Yuki-san is saying. When you become a parent, you do so knowing that your child will be their own person with their own wants and needs. Even if you don’t understand them or disagree with them, you’re still the person they depend on for everything. It’s not right to withhold care from a child who relies on you, even if they are a particularly troublesome child. Parenting is hard, but it’s hard to be a child, too, and too many of us forget that.”  

Yuki and Kyo both felt overwhelmed by what they were hearing. After a lifetime of rejection and neglect from their parents, hearing someone insist that it was their parents’ failings and not their own was positively freeing.  

“Plus, Kyo-kun, it seems to me like you already have a father you can depend on.”  

Chapter Text

On the walk home from Tohru’s grandfather’s house, both boys were deep in thought.  

“Can you imagine how different it would be if we had grown up with parents like him?” Yuki asked, breaking the silence.  

“I know. Although...” Kyo trailed off. He was starting to realize he had a lot he needed to talk about with Kazuma.  

“Although what?”  

“Well...maybe I did. I just... never felt I deserved a father as great as Shishou.”  

Yuki smiled. “I think you should talk to him about moving back home.”  

“Are you tryin’ to get ridda me, damn rat?” Kyo growled, grinning.  

“Oh, you’re just now catching on, you dumb cat?” Yuki smirked. They walked quietly for a while longer before he spoke again, tone serious. “Hey, I’m... I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I wasn’t thinking about how it must feel for you to be there all alone.”  

“Oh... thanks.” Kyo wasn’t sure what to say, but then he remembered what Momiji had told him. “Word is that damn dog is going to be moving out soon anyway. Where do you think you’ll go if he does?”  

“Oh... I hadn’t really thought about that.” Yuki mulled it over. “I guess anywhere but the estate.”  

“What about Kuragi? Wouldn’t you wanna stay with her?”  

Yuki blushed. “I don’t know if she’d want that.”  

“Why not?”  

Yuki couldn’t believe he was talking about this with Kyo, of all people. “We’re... taking it slow.”  

“Not from what Uotani said,” Kyo grinned.  

Yuki pinched the bridge of his nose. “We were just kissing!”  

“Yeah, yeah,” Kyo teased.  

“Anyway, it’s not like I can cuddle her or anything,” Yuki pouted.  

Kyo sighed, dropping into a squat and burying his face in his hands. “I forgot you still can't hold her. I’ve been so wrapped up in wishing I could hold Tohru... I forgot I couldn’t even do that if she was still alive.”  

Yuki’s heart broke for Kyo. “Machi knows I can’t hug her, but I haven’t told her why.”  

Kyo looked up at Yuki from his squat, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “And she’s just okay with that?”  

“Yeah,” Yuki smiled. “She is.”  

“What’s she like? She’s so quiet, I can’t really figure her out.”  

A blissful look spread over Yuki’s features as he thought about everything that made Machi so wonderful. “She’s... amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who understands me like she does. She’s shy, stubborn, and kind, and she says what she really thinks. She doesn’t treat me like a prince.” Yuki’s voice was bitter on the last word. “She sees my whole self, including my weakness and my loneliness. We’re both still kind of figuring out who we are, since her parents were pretty awful, too. It’s nice to get to do that together, especially with someone who knows me like she does.”  

Kyo smiled. “You sound really happy.”  

“I am,” Yuki sighed contentedly.  

They walked in silence for a while after that.  

“Still, where do you think you’d go? Y’know, if Shigure moves back,” Kyo pressed.  

“I guess Kakeru would probably let me crash on his couch,” Yuki shrugged.  

“You’re not couch-surfing for your senior year, dummy,” Kyo snorted. He paused for a moment, thinking it over. “I bet Shishou would let you stay with us,” he offered. “Rin already lives there. And you could still stay at Kakeru’s or even Kuragi’s whenever you want.”  

“Are you... are you saying you want to keep living with me?”  

“I guess I am,” Kyo chuckled as they reached the front door. “You need a place to call home, at least if we gotta leave this one.”  

“Alright,” Yuki said. “I’ll think about it.”  

The next day, Momiji, Saki, Yusuke, and Hiroshi all came over for lunch before the memorial service.   

“So this is your house, Kyon-Kyon?” Yusuke asked.  

“Sorta. I lived at the dojo for most of my life, and kinda only stayed here to spend more time with Tohru.” Kyo blushed, scratching the back of his neck.  

“How did she end up here, anyway?” wondered Hiroshi.  

“Well, Shigure-san and I couldn’t let her continue living in a tent, so we offered her one of the spare rooms,” said Yuki.  

“Wait, why was she living in a tent?!” Hiroshi demanded.  

“Dear Tohru never wanted to burden anyone,” explained Saki, “even though Arisa or I would have been delighted to host her while her grandfather’s home was being renovated.”  

“ Ja, she tended to take on the world’s problems and ignore her own,” Momiji reminisced, dabbing at his glistening eyes.  

“She never really was selfish about much of anything,” Kyo breathed dreamily.  

“So... uh... were you two ever official?” Yusuke asked awkwardly.  

Kyo sighed. “No. The day she died-” he felt himself gasp as the word reached his tongue. “That day, she told me how she felt, and I didn’t take it very well.”  

“But Kyon-Kyon, you were obviously crazy about her!” Hiroshi interjected.  

“Yeah, I was,” he smiled. “Still am. But... I thought I was no good for her.”  

“What?!” both of his friends burst out indignantly.  

“You’re like, the coolest person we know!”  

“And you’re so handsome!”  

“You could have any girl you wanted!”  

“Or any guy, if that’s your thing!”  

“And you get surprisingly good grades!”  

“Had to ruin it there at the end, didn’t you?” Kyo muttered sarcastically, earning a giggle from Momiji.  

“Kyon-Kyon, when are you going to realize you’re a catch?” Hiroshi nudged his friend.  

“Told you,” Yuki smirked.  

“Shut up,” said Kyo, grinning. He turned serious. “I wish I told her how I felt before...” he hung his head, words catching in his throat.  

“We’re sorry, Kyo.”  

“Yeah, we know it hurts.”  

“Thanks,” he said, sighing. “I just wish I could kiss her again.”  

“AGAIN?!?” Hiroshi and Yusuke exclaimed in unison. Kyo flushed even deeper than before, and Momiji looked like he was going to die from laughing.  

“Who would have thought, our Kyon-Kyon has become a man!”  

“I know! He finally had his first kiss!”  

“Uh...” Kyo shifted awkwardly. “That... might not have been my first.”  

“WHAT?!?!”  

Yuki raised an eyebrow.  

“C’mon, you know who it was, you stupid rat!”  

“Oh,” Yuki realized. “Kagura.”  

“Who’s this Kagura?” Yusuke asked, eyebrows raised.  

“We met when we were little kids. She’s another Sohma."  

“Does it really count if she was threatening you with bodily injury?” Yuki teased.  

“Please, tell us more!” Yusuke begged, interest piqued.  

“You might meet her today, you know. I could introduce you,” Kyo offered.  

Yusuke nearly choked on his mochi. “And you wouldn’t mind?”  

“It would be a relief, honestly,” Kyo grinned. “She's been hung up on me for a while.”  

“So cool,” whimpered Yusuke.  

“And he has no idea,” groaned Hiroshi.  

“Shh, it’ll go to his head,” Yuki pretended to whisper.  

Kyo turned scarlet, Momiji was a giddy puddle on the floor, and Saki simply sipped her tea with a calm smile.  

That afternoon, most of the Zodiac joined for the memorial, along with Arisa, Kakeru, and Machi. As the term continued, Kyo kept busy with basketball and karate, and spent most of his free time with friends and family. He and Yuki continued going to see Tohru’s grandfather on Saturdays, both boys feeling a little bit lighter after each visit. Guests came to the house for memorials on Sundays, and Yuki started coming home after school a couple of times a week so Kyo wouldn’t be left alone.  

In the second week of July, Arisa told him she was going to the hospital after school to visit Kureno, and invited him and Saki to join. He hadn’t ever known Kureno particularly well, but he reminded himself that Arisa was family now, so he went along.  

On the way there, he noticed Saki becoming more withdrawn than usual, like she was folding in on herself. He knew that kind of darkness; he had lived it for most of his life.  

Arisa was jabbering away anxiously; she wondered whether Kureno would even want to see her, fretting over how brief their time together had been.  

“Isn’t he like, ten years older than us?” Kyo asked, finally realizing what made him so uncomfortable about their relationship.  

“Yeah, he’s nine years older. I’m not even sure if it’s legal.”  

“Not like that’s ever stopped you,” Kyo mumbled.  

She jabbed him hard in the ribs. “Geez, Kyon! I’m nervous here, cut me a break!”  

“Just...I wanna make sure you’re ok is all,” he blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.  

“Aw, it’s like you care about me or something!” Arisa punched him on the arm.  

“I’m gonna need a hospital by the time you’re done with me,” Kyo groaned. “How did you two meet, anyway? I thought he almost never went out.”  

“Yeah, I got that sense from him.” She grinned. “He came into the convenience store where I used to work, and he had all these snacks just piled up in his hands. He tried to bow, and they just went everywhere, just like Tohru!” She was bent over, wheezing at the memory. “It was the sweetest, funniest thing. Then I saw him across the street a couple weeks later and ran after him. We got tororo soba, and I haven’t seen him since then.” She looked down as she continued the tale, tears springing to her eyes. “Tohru tried to get him to call me, but he said something about having someone he needed to stay with.”  

Akito , thought Kyo.   

“I think Tohru took it even harder than I did. She was always giving more than she got,” Arisa bawled loudly. “What a pal, that Tohru.”  

Kyo nodded. Then he remembered something. “Hey, was that why you started yelling in the middle of our play? ‘Come and see me, dammit?’” He did his best impression of Arisa shaking her fist and yelling in her prince costume.  

“So I had a little outburst. We all do stupid things when we’re in love,” she grinned, drying her eyes.  

And there it was. Arisa was in love. It seemed like everyone around him was falling in love. It made his chest ache.  

Behind them, he thought he heard a stifled sob. When he turned to look, Saki’s face was impassive as ever.  

He and Saki waited in the lounge while Arisa talked with Kureno. She sat still, unmoving, as he pondered the vending machine selection.  

“Hey,” he finally said gruffly. “Are you okay?”  

She turned to look at him, face still neutral, but before she could answer, the door opened.  

A silky voice spoke. “Kyo, a word?”  

His stomach dropped. He turned to see Akito, standing in the door, arms folded. Suddenly, the reality of his impending confinement hit him like a ton of bricks, and he felt stupid for grieving a future that could never be, foolish for bothering to make friends this late in the game. He was just going to hurt everyone who cared about him when he finally went away.  

He gulped, nodded, and followed Akito into the hall and around the corner, sparing a concerned glance at Saki before the door closed.  

Kyo stood before his god, hair on end, ready to pounce.  

“...I’m tearing it down,” he heard, unaware that Akito had been talking until then.  

“What?”  

“You heard what I said. I’m tearing the Cat’s House down. You’re free.” Akito left him there without another word.  

Kyo’s legs began trembling and finally gave way as he sobbed, relief and sorrow washing over him in equal measure as he realized Tohru would never know that her most pressing wish had been granted.  

In the lounge, Saki was thinking about what to say to Kyo when he came back. She wasn’t ready to face the thing that was bothering her, but she knew he wouldn’t believe her if she said everything was fine.  

Arisa came back shortly after, beaming.  

“I take it your visit went well?” Saki asked, smiling weakly.  

“Am I that obvious?” Arisa grinned. “Anyway, where’d Carrots run off to?”  

Just then, the door opened once more to reveal the person who had asked to speak with Kyo.  

Kyo focused on pulling himself together so he could go back to the lounge. He knew something was bothering Saki, but he wasn’t sure if she would talk to him. He wondered how Arisa’s visit with Kureno was going.  

He reached the lounge and was just about to open the door when he saw something through the window that made his stomach lurch.  

Why were Arisa and Saki hugging Akito?   

And before he knew it, his legs sprang into action and he was running as fast as he could, away from the hospital and away from the person who had taken Tohru from him.  

Chapter Text

Kyo’s feet carried him away at a desperate pace. He needed to get as far away from the hospital as he could.  

How could they? Didn’t they know Akito was the reason Tohru was dead? Didn’t they know Akito had hurt him? Hurt all of them?  

He ran past the edges of the Sohma compound, through the surrounding neighborhood, across bridges, over hills, against crowds like a salmon swimming upstream. He let his feet pound against the sidewalks, putting all his rage into the ground through his heavy stride.  

What had Akito said to them? How had he manipulated them?  

As he came to the path leading up to Shigure’s, he realized something else was eating at him, too.  

How was everyone just moving on as if nothing had happened?  

He felt petty, aware of the jealousy that lay beneath this thought. He had lost his chance with Tohru, so seeing everyone else who was able to have a relationship was wounding him deeply. There was Hatori with Mayu, Yuki and Machi, Kisa and Hiro, Haru and Rin, and now Arisa and Kureno. Heck, even Ritsu and Mitsuru. And he was happy for them, truly; he just wasn’t sure he could take seeing another cozy couple today.  

He took the stairs two at a time and burst through the front door.   

“Kyo?” Yuki’s voice came from the living room.  

Kyo slowly moved toward the voice, pupils narrowed to slits. His chest was surely going to explode.  

As the living room came into view, his eyes found Machi curled up next to Yuki as the latest Mogeta movie played on the television.  

He needed to scream; he needed to hit something; he needed to hurt . He snarled and ran up the stairs, slamming the door to his room.  

Yuki knew the look that had been in Kyo’s eyes. He turned to Machi, voice quiet but tone deadly serious.  

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go upstairs.” She looked apprehensive, but she nodded and watched him go.  

Kyo was pacing in his room, body unsure whether to scream, sob, or punch something. He grabbed books from the bookshelf and threw them across the room with all his might, splitting their spines as they crashed against the wall and landed with a thud on the floor.  

“Kyo!” Yuki’s voice rang from the doorway. “What happened?”  

“Everyone’s just acting like everything's okay!” Kyo’s voice trembled and cracked under the weight of the day’s revelations.  

“What?”  

“Like she’s not gone! Like the most amazing, most important person in the world didn’t just die !” He was shouting as his eyes filled with tears.  

“Kyo, it-”  

“And you! How could you?” he screamed as he turned all his ire toward Yuki. “How could you just move on so quickly?”  

Yuki felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. “It’s- it’s not like that,” he said quietly.  

“Oh yeah?” sneered Kyo, anger rising. “You’re telling me you’re cuddling with your shiny new girlfriend and smiling all the time because you just miss Tohru so damn much?”  

Yuki felt tears sting his eyes as Kyos words cut him to his very core. “Kyo, please-”   

“It’s not okay! Nothing is right! How can you possibly be happy right now?”  

“I can only do it because of her!” Yuki roared, lunging at Kyo. “I would never have had the courage to tell Machi how I feel if it wasn’t for Honda-san! Are we just supposed to be sad forever?”  

“YES!” Kyo wailed, feebly trying to block Yuki’s assault. “BECAUSE SHE’S GONE FOREVER!”  

“Excuse me?” both boys froze as they heard Machi’s timid voice from the hallway. “You seem like you could use some tea. I just put a kettle on.”  

Yuki slowly let go of Kyo’s collar and stood up. Kyo looked ashamed of his outburst. He nodded, blinking back tears, and shouldered past them to go downstairs.  

As his footsteps grew quieter, Yuki looked at her questioningly.  

“He’s having a box-of-chalk moment,” she said matter-of-factly.  

“Oh. Oh!” Yuki’s face lit up. He was constantly amazed at how perceptive Machi could be.  

Kyo had sat down at the kitchen table, head nestled in his arms. Machi brought the teapot over and Yuki grabbed cups for the three of them.  

“Thanks,” Kyo muttered, tips of his ears burning with guilt.  

“Did Yuki ever tell you how we met?” Machi asked mildly.  

“Student council, right?”  

“No, I mean, how he found me the day we met. Did he ever tell you that?”  

“No. We haven’t always...” Kyo trailed off.  

“Well?” Machi looked at Yuki, encouraging him to tell the story.  

Yuki took a deep breath and smiled. “I went into the council office, and it was completely destroyed. Files everywhere, papers all mixed up. I was sure it was some terrible mistake. Then I saw Machi on the floor, and she looked upset.”  

Kyo lifted his head, eyes flitting back and forth between the two of them.  

“I might’ve had a little outburst,” Machi said, picking up where Yuki left off. “I was horrified that the new president had seen me in such a state, so I went to get my brother, who was napping in the closet. He mostly smoothed things over.”  

“And that was just the first time it happened!” Yuki smiled, taking a sip of his tea.  

Kyo gaped. He had no idea.  

“Yuki eventually figured out what was triggering me,” Machi said, a small smile upon her lips. “He realized undisturbed things, perfect things, made me anxious.”  

Kyo frowned. “What’s that got to do with this?”  

Machi looked him right in the eye. “We have to find your trigger.”  

Kyo gulped.  

“So, let’s start at the beginning,” Machi said. “What happened today?”  

“I went to the hospital after school. Uotani was going to see Kureno, and she invited me and Saki to go with her. And then... then-” he felt himself start to shake. “Akito was there.”  

Yuki nodded in understanding. Of course. Akito could rattle the calmest of people on the best of days. “What did he say?”  

Kyo hesitated, unsure how much he could say in front of Machi. Yuki seemed to understand, because he shook his head side-to-side ever so slightly. “He said... I can do what I want after graduation. Instead of... coming back to live on the estate.”  

“That’s great news!” Yuki exclaimed.  

Kyo felt his eyes water again. “I guess I should be happy. But all I can think about is how Tohru’s not here, so it doesn’t matter what happens to me after graduation.”  

Yuki started to respond, but Machi put a firm hand on his knee, determined to hear the rest of the story from Kyo.  

He ran his sleeve across his eyes. “Then, I was going back to the lounge and I saw them hugging him. They were just hugging him! Comforting the person who... who...” he couldn’t finish the thought.  

“Oh.” Yuki frowned. He knew this was a conversation he’d have to have with both of them eventually. He just didn’t think it would happen today.  

He took a deep breath. “I guess now’s as good a time as ever to tell you about my childhood.”  

Kyo looked up, surprised. Machi gave his leg an encouraging squeeze.  

“So, Akito is our family head. He was born into the role and assumed his duties at a young age. My parents...” he paused. “I was also born into a role in the family, one of high status. Almost as high as Akito. My parents saw this as an opportunity to further their own interests, so they sold me to Akito to be his plaything.”  

Kyo’s eyes widened. Machi looked stricken. “Your own parents sold you?” she asked.  

“Yes,” Yuki answered, voice hard. “They never saw me as anything more than a tool for their own benefit, so I stayed at Akito’s side from the time I was young. At first, it wasn’t that bad. Akito would throw tantrums, but they were no different from those of most children that age. But one day, Akito changed. He became twisted, painting the walls black, telling me I was worthless, that nobody could ever love me, that everyone in the family hated me for my role. I became the target of all his rage, hearing day after day how despicable I was. He would lock me in a dark room for days on end.”  

Machi was crying. Kyo was looking at the ground, too horrified to meet Yuki’s gaze.  

“I asked my mom if I could go back home, and she only said, ‘Someday,’” Yuki continued, voice just above a whisper. “My brother didn’t help me either. He barely even registered my existence back then. I made friends, but they found out about my... condition, and then I wasn’t allowed to see them anymore.”  

Machi gripped Yuki’s hand in her free hand, overcome with sympathy.  

“And then, everyone I met kept proving Akito right. You hated me,” he said to Kyo. “Haru hated me. I even started to hate me.”  

“I’m so sorry-” began Kyo.  

Yuki cut him off with a wave of his hand. “I became very ill. I’m still not sure if my body was just reflecting the state of my mind at that point. I had no will to live, and Akito continued to torment me as I became weaker and weaker, asking if I thought I might die, telling me I was useless. Just as I thought the world might be better off without me, something came over me, and I ran. I ran as far as I could, and then I kept going. I stopped when I heard a woman shouting at the police about her missing daughter.”  

Kyo gasped.  

“I had seen a little girl nearby, so I went back to see if she was still there. She chased me, and I led her back home. That incident saved my life. I was useful to someone, and I would always know that.”  

He took a breath. “But it was hard to hold on to that memory and feel hopeful as Akito continued to say such dark things to me every day. I retreated into myself, I stopped speaking, I only felt shame and despair. Haru begged Shigure to take me in so I wouldn’t have to endure Akito’s endless abuse anymore, and that’s when I came to live here.”  

Everyone at the table was silent. Machi was still crying, holding onto Yuki as though she was afraid he might slip away at any moment. Kyo looked both furious and remorseful. Yuki took a sip of his tea, expression firm.  

“The lost girl that I helped bring home? That was Honda-san, although I didn’t know it was her until much later, when I saw the hat.”  

Kyo spoke, “Yuki, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”  

“We both had a lot we didn't know about each other, didn’t we?” Yuki asked, smiling darkly. He turned to Machi. “Kyo was born into a role in our family, too, but it’s very different from Akito, me, or any of the other Sohmas you’ve met. His role is that of scapegoat. Outcast. Born to be excluded. He’s of the lowest status in our family. So knowing my role and my status, of course he would hate me. Of course he would think my life was perfect, that’s all he knew of me,” Yuki spat bitterly. “Meanwhile, I saw this boy who had friends and the love of a caring adult. He got to go to a normal school and have fun. I envied his life because it looked perfect to me. But he had his own challenges, different but equally cruel.”  

Kyo looked at him gratefully. “I really am sorry, Yuki,” he said. “I.. uh... thanks. For saying all that.”  

Yuki nodded. “So, that’s who Kyo saw at the hospital, and who Honda-san's friends were apparently hugging.”  

“I can see how that would be upsetting,” Machi reflected. “If I ever saw you hugging my mom, I’m pretty sure I’d react similarly,” she said, grinning at Yuki.  

“I doubt you’ll have to worry about that,” Yuki smirked. “I’m not much of a hugger, you see.”  

At that, all three burst out laughing.  

Kyo, Yuki, and Machi were all sitting around the chabudai watching Mogeta when they heard the doorbell ring.  

Kyo answered the door, and immediately kicked himself when he saw Saki’s face. He had run off from the hospital without a word, making them worry about him again.  

“Look, Saki-” he began.  

“Your waves were quite troubled after Aa-chan showed up,” she replied simply. “Arisa had to hurry to work, but we merely wanted to confirm you were in adequate condition.” She made to leave, but Kyo caught her by the sleeve.  

“Saki, can we talk? Please?”  

She took a moment to consider. “If you must,” she eventually answered.  

Kyo thought for a moment, then asked, “You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”  

They sat on the roof, overlooking the city.  

“Tohru and I used to talk here,” he told her, face flushing.  

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked, pointedly ignoring his comment.  

Kyo knew she probably already had some idea of what he wanted to say, but he also knew it was important for him to get the words out. “Look, Saki... I saw you and Uotani hugging Akito, and I couldn’t handle it. I ran because it’s what I do when I’m scared or hurt. I’m a coward, and I want to stop running away all the time. But it’s hard, especially when I see something like that.”  

Saki’s face showed no changes; no reaction to what Kyo was saying.  

“Akito... he’s the reason Tohru fell,” he said, voice breaking.  

“Tohru doesn’t blame Akito,” she stated.  

“How do you-”  

“Really, now, don’t you already know the answer, Kyo-kun?”  

Kyo groaned. Of course. Those damn waves .  

“How can you just accept that?” he asked, tears spilling once more. “Tohru would still be here if-”  

“I accept it because I trust Tohru,” Saki replied. “I trust her judgment more than anyone, even more than my own. If Tohru says Akito was a friend, then Akito was a friend.”  

Kyo stewed on this. When she put it like that, he had to accept that Tohru wouldn’t want him blaming Akito for her death, either. “But Akito... he’s hurt most of us. Me and the other Sohmas you’ve met, at least.”  

“You have your own history with Akito. I certainly can’t blame you if there is too much hurt attached to your relationship already. But Tohru... she accepted me even after she learned about my past.”  

Kyo raised an eyebrow.  

“I almost killed a boy in elementary school.”  

Kyo raised both eyebrows.  

“I was bullied quite viciously. I suppose I reached a breaking point one day, and I couldn’t control my waves yet. I wished he would just die, and when I spoke the word, he collapsed. Later, his mom collapsed as well. I’ve worn black since that day to express my regret. But Tohru, when she learned what had happened, she still wanted to be my friend.”  

Kyo smiled, his eyes misty. “Yeah, she did stuff like that.”  

“So who am I to decide whether Akito is deserving of my friendship? Tohru thought so, and I trust her, because Tohru thought I was worthy. If, in the future, Aa-chan proves to be a cruel or selfish friend, I may change my mind. But, in honor of dear Tohru’s memory, I’m choosing to give her that opportunity.”  

Kyo thought about it, and decided he could accept Saki’s decision. But- “Wait, you said ‘her?’”  

“Yes, Kyo-kun. Akito is a woman.”  

Chapter Text

In the final week of term, Kyo felt more hopeful than he had since Tohru’s death. He continued to play basketball, go to the dojo, visit Tohru’s grandfather, and spend time with friends and family. Momiji and Yuki made sure someone was at the house with him every night, so he didn’t get too lonely. It felt like he could finally see a possible future for himself, one where he might even be happy . 

He still hadn’t talked to Kazuma about moving back to the dojo. He knew he wanted to wait until Tohru’s remains were in her family grave, and, he had to admit, he’d even been enjoying his time at the house lately. 

He also hadn’t told anyone else about Akito’s gender. He figured that wasn’t his story to tell, and it didn’t really change what she had done. He could accept how Tohru, and therefore Saki and Arisa, felt, but that didn’t erase his own painful history with Akito. 

Despite missing a week of classes after Tohru’s death, he, Yuki, Arisa, and Saki passed all their subjects. When Kyo pressed Saki on how she managed to pass her classes, she simply said, “A magician never reveals her secret.” And when he wondered to himself what that could possibly mean, she answered, “It wouldn’t be a secret if I told you now, would it?” 

As summer break began, they hosted a barbecue that first Sunday, after Tohru's weekly memorial service. Kyo started going to the dojo every weekday, since he no longer had basketball. 

And Yuki started going to Machi’s house every evening. 

It was the second week of the summer holiday, and Mogeta had returned from hiatus. They ate a quick convenience store dinner, then sat on Machi’s bed together to watch the mid-season premiere on her laptop. As the show began, Machi rested her head on his shoulder, and Yuki placed his hand on her thigh. 

Throughout the episode, Machi tried not to think about Yuki’s hand on her leg, about where else she’d like to feel his hand, about what it could mean . After all, she’d touched his thigh before, too, she reminded herself. 

But tonight, she couldn’t focus with his slender fingers right there . They were so close to another place she desperately wanted to feel him. 

As the credits rolled, she felt herself flushing. Why was she feeling so flustered? She got up to close the computer and mumbled something about getting water when she felt a tug on her skirt. 

She turned around slowly. Yuki had the hem of her skirt between his index and thumb, and was looking at her with such unfettered desire, such heat , she almost pounced on him. 

Their mouths met in a bruising kiss. She straddled him, her hands raked through his hair, and he quickly tugged her blouse up over her head. She frantically started undoing the buttons of his shirt as his teeth nipped at her lower lip. None of it was fast enough; they hungered for each other with such intensity it felt like they would starve if they broke contact. 

As Machi yanked off his shirt, Yuki playfully pushed her onto her back. He climbed on top of her, careful to keep a safe distance between them as he continued kissing her passionately. Her hands explored every inch of his bare chest, craving more of his smooth skin under her eager touch. She ground her hips against him, feeling his arousal through their clothes as he gasped at the friction. He placed a hand on her ribs and slid his fingers under the cup of her bra, pushing it up to reveal her erect nipples. As he took one mauve bud between his fingers, she arched her back, feeling the pleasurable warmth of his chest against hers, when suddenly- 

“No!” came a strangled cry from Yuki. 

Then, in a puff of blue smoke, Yuki was gone. In his place, a rat lay splayed on Machi’s belly, tiny paws over his silver eyes. 

Yuki sat curled up on the floor, leaning against Machi’s bed, naked. She had wrapped a blanket around him when he had transformed back, but he hadn't noticed. His face was cradled in his arms as his thoughts spiraled ominously. 

What if Akito found out?  

What if Machi’s memory was erased?  

What if he could never see her again?  

What if she didn’t even want to see him again?  

What if she was disgusted by him?  

He felt a gentle hand on his head. 

Machi.  

He looked up. She had a handkerchief in her hand and started dabbing his cheeks. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. 

“So, is that what you meant?” she asked. 

“What?” he gasped between sobs. 

“You said something strange happens to you when you hug certain people. Is that it?” 

He nodded, bracing himself for the worst. She knows, he thought. And now she’ll leave just like everyone else.  

“But we didn’t hug,” she said, waiting for an explanation. 

He looked at her, confused.  

“Why did that happen if we didn’t hug?” she repeated. 

Machi looked concerned and a bit perplexed, but her gaze still held every ounce of desire it had only minutes ago. 

Yuki suddenly realized: she’s not going anywhere . “You’re... you’re not disgusted by me?” 

“Why would I be disgusted by you?” she asked. 

“Because... because...” he heard Akito’s voice telling him any sane person would find him repulsive. 

Then he remembered Tohru asking him to please make friends with her again if her memory was erased. Maybe there really were more people who would accept this part of him. He clutched Machi’s arm and broke down. “I’m- I’m sorry,” he choked out. “Akito- he always said- he said no normal person- no one would accept me- accept someone who turns into a rat.” 

“I guess I’m not normal, then,” Machi shrugged as a small smile crept across her face. 

“But- but if he- he finds out,” Yuki gasped, “he could- he could erase- erase me from- from you- from your memory.” 

Machi thought about this for a moment. “I guess we just won’t tell him, then,” she said. 

Oh. Oh. Why hadn’t he thought of that? 

Yuki smiled broadly as his breathing returned to normal. How had he gotten so incredibly lucky? 

“But why did that happen? We didn’t hug.” she pressed. 

“It... our chests touched,” he finished, not sure how to explain that the curse couldn’t tell the difference between a hug and an accidental bump. 

Machi turned this over in her head a few times. “So it happens with any contact between our chests?” 

Yuki nodded. “Or our bellies,” he added. “Or backs, I think.” 

“Hm,” she said, deep in thought. “I don’t think that should be a problem.” 

“What do you mean?” 

She grinned, cheeks pink. “If you wanted to pick up where we left off, there’s no reason our chests or bellies would have to touch.” 

Yuki nodded, then his eyes widened as he suddenly realized what she meant. 

Later, as they lay side-by-side on her bed, still naked and panting, Yuki thought his heart might overflow. He never thought he’d get to experience any of this, let alone with someone as incredible as the beautiful woman next to him. 

“Machi?” he said, turning to face her, breathing still heavy. 

“Yes?” she asked. 

“I love you. So, so much.” 

And he kissed her, a soft and tender kiss, full of all the gratitude and affection he felt for Machi and everything she meant to him. 

“I love you too, Yuki,” she said, beaming at him as they pulled apart. “So, so much.” 

On the first Sunday of August, Tohru’s loved ones gathered at her family grave to see her ashes interred with her mother, father, and paternal grandmother. It marked the end of the initial mourning period; they would return once again on the one-hundredth day, and then annually on the anniversary of her death. 

Kyo and Yuki arrived early to tend to the gravesite, Tohru’s urn in tow. After bringing her remains to the temple, Kyo set to work scrubbing the stone marker while Yuki pulled weeds. 

“Oi, leave some for the rest of us!” 

They turned to see Arisa grinning beside Saki, who was bearing an elaborate bouquet. 

“Yo,” Kyo greeted them. 

“We’re actually just about done here,” said Yuki, looking around and examining their handiwork. “There wasn’t much to do.” 

Saki began arranging the flowers on either side of the grave, and Kyo laid out the rice balls he had made that morning. 

Just then, Yuki’s phone buzzed. 

Message from Kakeru Manabe  

Kakeru: hey, wanna get shabu-shabu after the service? Komaki’s already hungry lol  

Yuki: Yes, that sounds great.  

K: wanna invite your hot cousin and those two scary girls? Machi seems to like them for some reason  

“Kakeru wants to know if we’d all like to get shabu-shabu after this,” Yuki said. 

The group murmured in agreement. 

“Room for one more?” they heard Momiji’s voice behind them as he appeared, carrying an assortment of sweet candies. 

“Yeah, I’ll let him know,” said Yuki, texting a reply. 

Y: They’re in. Can my cousin Momiji come, too? He’s in Machi’s class.  

K: I swear if he’s half as gorgeous as you or orange I’m not responsible for what I do  

K: but yes, he can come  

K: the more the merrier!  

Y: If you even think about flirting with any of my relatives, I swear I’ll break every one of your fingers and toes. 😊 

K: so possessive, Yun-Yun! 😉 

Y: Why are you like this?  

Y: See you soon.  

The service was short but beautiful. The usual crowd of mourners attended: most of the Sohmas who had known Tohru, Yuki’s friends, Tohru’s grandfather, and Mayu-sensei were all there.  

After the ceremony, Kakeru led the dinner group to a nearby hot pot restaurant where he had made reservations, animatedly telling a story about the last time he and Komaki had gone out for shabu-shabu and she had consumed the last of their beef hours before closing. 

Kyo lagged behind, deep in thought. Something about today felt so final , in a way that none of the other funerary rituals quite had. Her remains were in their final resting place; she would stay there until the end of time. It seemed like he was supposed to be moving on, but he knew he’d be mourning Tohru for the rest of his life. 

“Hey,” came a soft voice. “This was a hard day for me, too.” 

Kyo started, brought out of his thought by the girl beside him. He hadn’t met her before, but something about her reminded him of Tohru. 

“When my dad’s ashes were buried, I mean. It was hard to keep going once the mourning period was over. Like something was wrong with me if I still missed him.” 

Kyo wasn’t sure what to say. “Sorry, I don’t think I know you.” 

Komaki laughed. “That’s right, I don’t think we’ve been introduced. I’m Komaki Nakao. Kakeru’s girlfriend.” She pointed ahead at Kakeru, who had one arm around an annoyed Yuki, ruffling his hair affectionately. 

“Oh. Kyo,” he introduced himself. 

She dipped her head in return and continued talking. “My dad was driving the car that killed Tohru’s mom. He was also killed in the collision.” 

“Oh. I’m ...uh, sorry,” he said awkwardly. 

“I was just saying, this can be a hard day. Grief isn’t over just because the mourning period is. It feels like an ending, but really, it’s just changing shape. It’s okay if you’re not okay yet.” 

Kyo really didn’t want to cry in front of this nice girl, but he felt the familiar sting behind his eyes. He nodded, wiping his eyes roughly with his hands, and mumbled something resembling “thanks.” 

At the restaurant, Saki and Komaki ordered for everyone, including enough meat to feed a group three times their size. 

“Naka-chan, you and Hana-chan should eat together more often!” Arisa grinned, having found someone who loved meat even more than her best friend. 

“Naka-chan?” 

“You’re Nakao, right? Kyoko would have called you ’Naka-chan,’ just like she called us ‘Uo-chan’ and ‘Hana-chan,’" she grinned. 

“They’re already calling me ‘Kura-chan,’" Machi smiled. 

"Well, I can’t argue with that!” Komaki beamed back at her new friends. 

Down the table, Momiji watched, concerned, as Kyo picked at his food but ate very little. 

As they left, Saki and Arisa pulled Kyo aside. 

“Hey, Kyon,” Arisa said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We just wanna make sure you'll be okay. Please call us if things get dark.” She pressed a slip of paper into his hand on which she had written both of their phone numbers. 

“Remember, there’s still more to do even though she’s been laid to rest,” said Saki, eyes concerned. “And we’ll be there with you for all of it.” 

“Thanks,” he replied, trying to seem grateful. He really did appreciate their support; he just didn’t have the energy to feel anything other than the suffocating emptiness of Tohru’s absence. 

The next morning, Kyo went downstairs out of habit to talk to Tohru’s urn. His stomach dropped when he saw it was gone. Then he remembered: we buried her yesterday. She’s not here anymore.  

He knelt at the altar and took her picture in his hands, gently stroking the edges of the frame with his thumbs. 

“Tohru, all that's left of you now is this picture. You’re gone, and your bones are in the ground. I don’t think I can take losing any more of you. Please, Tohru. Please don’t disappear again.” 

He pressed a kiss to the glass over her face, his lips leaving a mark quickly marred by salty tracks, then he stood up to go make breakfast. 

Later that morning, Kyo was putting away his laundry when he suddenly felt an aching loneliness that was unlike anything he’d ever known, tears springing to his eyes without warning, seemingly out of nowhere. He supposed it was just another form of his grief for Tohru, taking a new shape now that her ashes had been buried. 

He sat down on the floor, hands over his eyes. These breakdowns were happening less often, but they were still so painful and unpredictable. 

After his tears stopped, the terrible loneliness persisted. He decided to try and sleep it off, climbing into Tohru’s bed. He had just settled in under the covers when he heard a knock on the door. 

"Yeah?" he grunted; voice thick from crying. 

Yuki opened the door. "Kyo,” he said, eyes wide and cheeks damp. “It’s gone.” 

"I know," said Kyo, turning over on his futon. "I know she's gone. We buried her urn yesterday." His chest hurt. Why did Yuki have to remind him? 

"No, the curse. The curse is gone!" 

Chapter Text

The day Tohru fell from the cliff, Akito waited anxiously at the door for word of the girl’s condition, eyes hopeful when she saw the medics carrying her on a stretcher.  

"Unfortunately, she succumbed to her injuries before we were on the scene. There was nothing we could do."  

Akito felt her legs give way, and she heard a terrible wail that she realized had come from her own throat. She collapsed to the floor, devastated.  

"Now, now; keep that up, and one might even think you two were close," Shigure said coldly.  

She was numb; this couldn't be happening. Tohru had extended her hand in friendship, and then the ground had crumbled beneath her, and she was gone. Akito's world was shattered for the third time that morning.  

Shigure almost looked remorseful. "I'm going to call Haa-san. Wait right here."  

Akito couldn't move. She felt so horribly alone, even more alone than when her father died, even more alone than when Hiro's bond had snapped that morning.  

"Haa-san? ...No, she was gone before they arrived. ...Yes, Akito is still here. ...That makes sense. We'll see you soon."  

Shigure hung up the phone and came back. How could he be so unaffected? Hadn't he cared for the girl?  

"Haa-san will be here shortly. When he gets here, I'll drive you back in his car."  

Akito didn't respond. There was nothing to say anymore.  

When they saw Hatori carrying his trunk up the long stairway, Akito started for the car. She heard Shigure talking with Hatori, and then felt Shigure's hand on her back, guiding her down the stairs and along the path toward Hatori's car.  

Akito sat in the back, accustomed to having a driver chauffeur her around. Once they were on the road, Shigure spoke. "Akito, I need to know the whole story. From the beginning, what happened today?"  

Akito froze. So much had happened. How could she possibly tell all of it?  

But she tried. She started with Ren bursting into her room early that morning with a knife, demanding the box she believed held something of Akira's. Akito went on to describe how she had grabbed the knife and been about to stab her mother when she felt Hiro's bond snap. She recounted how Kureno had suggested letting go of the bonds and moving on, and how she had stabbed him and run to the house. She told of her exchange with Tohru, how she had slashed Tohru's arm when Tohru ran to her, how Tohru had understood what she was feeling, how she had run away from Tohru, and how Tohru had chased after her, reaching out her hand in a sincere offer of friendship, the first bond of Akito’s life that didn’t rely on an ancient curse. Akito was reaching to take her hand when the ground gave way and Tohru was falling, and she wasn't moving, and Akito was screaming for help, but no one was able to save Tohru.  

"Is that all?" Shigure asked neutrally.  

"Yes, that's what happened," whispered Akito, exhausted from reliving the terrible events of the day.  

"I see," said Shigure, giving nothing away. “One last thing. I believe we should offer to pay for Tohru-kun's funeral services, due to the circumstances of her death.”  

“Yes, whatever her family wants,” Akito quickly agreed.  

“Don’t you realize?” Shigure asked sadly. “We are her family.”  

When they arrived back at the main house, Akito was quickly ushered in to take a bath, and scolded for giving everyone such a fright. She heard Shigure telling the maids to confine her to her room for now. Hatori would come by that evening to examine her. She undressed and stepped into the bath, and her filthy kimono was removed from the room before she was left alone.  

Akito felt her entire body rebel against the soothing warmth of the bathtub. She didn't deserve such comfort. Why wasn’t anyone punishing her?  

That evening, Hatori arrived and did a brief physical exam. Akito was given strict orders for bed rest, being as prone to illness as she was, especially after such a stressful day.  

Is that what they called it now? Stressful? What a joke.  

Akito spent the next several days in her futon, only visited by Hatori once again later in the week. The maids gossiped about her within earshot, but she didn't care. She deserved it. She deserved every cruel thing that anyone had ever said about her.  

She couldn't bring herself to eat. She barely left her futon. What point was there to any of it? Haven't I only caused suffering?  

After a few days, Shigure visited.  

"Ah, I see you're taking it all in stride," he said coolly.  

"Go away," said Akito, voice barely audible even to herself.  

"What's that? I'm afraid you'll have to speak up." He was enjoying this. It was sick.  

"Please, leave me alone," Akito begged, throat tight.  

"Now, why would I want to do that? We've seen what happens when you're unsupervised." He was so callous.  

"I don't want to see you."  

"Well, you may not want to see me, but I understand you'll be needing an acting assistant while Kureno is recovering. I'm here to offer my services."  

Akito tensed. Was this some kind of joke? "Why?" she asked. "Why would you want to help me, after everything I've done?"  

Shigure stepped toward Akito, bending to meet her gaze. “You could say I’m here because of a dream I had, many years ago.” He looked deeply into her eyes, then stood to leave. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I look forward to working with you.”  

True to his word, Shigure came back the next day. The maids gave an overview of his responsibilities, Akito’s schedule, and the most pressing matters. Akito watched him distrustfully as he began recording items in the family budget, called council members to inform them of Akito’s continued need for bedrest, and managed requests for housing assignments within the compound.  

He came back every day, and Akito slowly grew to trust his intentions as her assistant.  

“I still don’t understand,” she said to him after a few days of watching him work.  

“What is it you want to understand?” he asked, lightly teasing.  

“Why...” Akito paused, emotions rising to the surface. “Why are you here, why now?”  

“I already told you,” he answered plainly. “I’m here because of a dream I once had.”  

Weeks went by. Akito resumed most of her usual duties, although she was hesitant to speak with most of the Zodiac after she had hurt both Kureno and Tohru.  

“You’re going to have to see them eventually, you know,” Shigure said one afternoon. “You can’t put it off forever.”  

“Shut up,” Akito whimpered, scrunching her eyes together as they filled with tears.  

“As you wish,” he responded, returning to the spreadsheet in front of him.  

Mid-July, Akito went to the hospital alone to see Kureno. Kind as ever, foolish as ever, he was more concerned with Akito’s condition than his own.  

When he asked how she was, she knew that if she admitted how much she was struggling, he would feel a duty to stay with her, even after she had tried to murder him.  

“Yes, I’m okay,” she said, managing to hold back her tears.  

As she left his room, guilt started to eat away at her. I’ve caused nothing but pain, she thought. I need to change.  

She passed a tall, blonde girl in the hall. Something about her was vaguely familiar, but Akito couldn’t quite place her.  

Akito continued until something stopped her in her tracks. Bright orange hair was just visible through a window ahead. Kyo? Why would he be here? He wasn’t close with Kureno.  

But then another thought pressed its way to the front of her awareness: I can start with him .  

After she told Kyo he was free, she remembered how she recognized the blonde girl, as well as the dark-haired girl who had been waiting with Kyo. She had seen them with Tohru; she knew they were her best friends, and Shigure had told her that the blonde girl was involved with Kureno. She needed to apologize to them.  

“I heard about you and Kureno,” Akito said, looking at the floor. “I’m the reason he’s here. I’m the one who hurt him.”  

The blonde girl didn’t respond; she seemed to be trying to figure out what to say.  

“And... and I know you were friends with Tohru. Her death was my fault, too.” Akito trembled as tears ran down her face. She was so ashamed.  

“Are you Akito-san?” the dark-haired girl asked, eyes intensely focused on Akito.  

“...yes. How did you...?”  

“Tohru didn't want you to blame yourself. Her waves were very clear at the end. She didn’t blame you. She wanted you to know that.”  

Akito stared. How could this person possibly know all of this?  

“You’re a woman, aren’t you?” the dark-haired girl smiled.  

The blonde girl gasped, then pulled Akito into a hug.  

“Kureno said there was someone he needed to stay with. That... He was talking about you, wasn’t he?”  

Akito sobbed into the taller girl’s shoulder.  

“Aa-chan, Tohru clearly considered you a friend. That means we’re now your friends, too,” the dark-haired girl said, joining the group hug.  

They talked for a long while after that, and Akito learned the blonde girl was Arisa , and the dark-haired girl was Saki . Tohru had befriended them both in middle school when they thought they didn't deserve a friend like her. She learned that Arisa had been involved in a gang, and Saki had unexplained psychic abilities. They had both hurt people, and Tohru had accepted them anyway, because that’s the sort of person Tohru was. Akito felt overwhelmed by the way these two girls seemed to understand her, maybe because they knew what it meant to feel such crushing remorse, or maybe because they had soaked up so much of Tohru’s kindness. Maybe both.  

They exchanged phone numbers, and Akito walked home.  

When she arrived at the main house, she couldn’t bring herself to go inside. She wandered around until the maelstrom of grief, shame, self-hatred, and more threatened to suffocate her, and she collapsed in the middle of a dirt path, crying.  

“Are you alright, sir?” she heard a familiar voice behind her.  

“Momiji, I’m-”  

“Oh, it’s you.” His typically cheerful voice had turned hard. She couldn’t blame him; she had assaulted him the last time they spoke. Her body started to shake with sobs.  

“Here, let’s get you somewhere safer,” the boy offered her a hand to help her up, affixing her with a cold stare. She tentatively took his hand, and he helped her over to a nearby bench.  

“Why are you helping me?” she asked through her tears. “After everything I’ve done, why are you helping me?”  

Momiji sighed. “You are a person, and I saw that you needed help.”  

“Just like them,” Akito whispered, face in her hands. “Why don’t they blame me? Kureno, and... and Tohru? Why don’t they hate me? Why don’t you hate me?”  

“Hating you isn’t what’s best for me,” he replied coolly. “Hate like that would poison me over time until it destroyed me. I’m still very upset, Akito, and I may never be able to accept all that you have done, but I won’t let it eat away at the life I still have.” He sighed. “As for Kureno, he is not the type to hate, or to worry about things like blame. Neither was Tohru.” His voice hardened on the last sentence.  

“But... but they should!” Akito cried out.  

“Why? To soothe your guilty conscience?” Momiji fixed her with a piercing stare. “That would only serve to benefit you . It would not heal Kureno or bring Tohru back. It would not erase all the times you hurt us.”  

Akito’s lip trembled. “What do I do now?”  

“That is for you to decide. You cannot ever take back what you did to Kureno, or Tohru, or all of us. But you can decide to stop hurting people. You can choose to be more like them from now on. You can ask yourself what Tohru would do, then do that.”  

Akito buried her face once more, but she nodded. Momiji was right. She had to try and be more like Tohru.  

“I’ll be going now. Be safe,” Momiji said. Akito felt him leave the bench, and listened to his footsteps recede.  

When she finally went back to her room, Shigure was still there.  

“How was your visit with Kureno?” he asked coldly.  

Akito couldn’t help but cry again. “He was only concerned about me! But he’s the one who’s hurt!”  

“The fool,” Shigure said mockingly.  

“I told him I was okay, even though I’m not. If I didn’t say that, he would have stayed. I don't want him to stay out of pity. He deserves to move on with his life.”  

Shigure raised his eyebrows. “Is that so?” Somehow, she felt his question was rhetorical. “I suppose that means you’ll need a permanent replacement.”  

“Yes, I suppose so.”  

She almost thought he was smiling.  

Shigure grew warmer toward her over the next few weeks. Saki began visiting on Saturdays, occasionally with Arisa. Hatori said her health was improving. She was starting to feel like things were going to be okay.  

Until, that is, Shigure told her he would be stepping away so she could find a permanent assistant.  

“Why are you doing this?” she cried, hugging herself so she wouldn’t hurt him in her desperation.  

“Why am I doing what?” he asked mildly.  

“Abandoning me!” Her voice was so small, she thought she might disappear.  

“Whoever said I was abandoning you?”  

“But... but you’re leaving?”  

“This post. I’m leaving this post.”  

Akito stared. What was he trying to do?  

“I confess, being your assistant has never been my goal,” he explained, as though that clarified anything.  

“What was your goal, then?” she asked, voice louder. He could be so infuriating sometimes.  

“That depends," he asked.  

“On what?”  

“On yours.”  

Akito absorbed his words like a kick to the chest. What were her goals? And why did they matter to him? She felt herself start to shake and she fell to the floor, tears flowing once again. “You were always the one I needed, Shigure! I was always afraid that you would leave me forever!” She bawled, not bothering to wipe the snot that dripped from her nose and chin. “If everyone went away, if all the bonds snapped, but you stayed, that would be all I’d ever need!”  

Shigure turned away from his work to look at Akito, removing his half-rimmed glasses. “How would you like me to stay?”  

“What?”  

“I need to know, how is it you want me to stay? Because if it’s just as your assistant, I’m afraid I can’t.”  

Akito was only growing more confused. What did he want?  

“And if it’s as your dog ,” he said, moving slowly closer, “while I may not have a choice, that is also not my dream.”  

Akito felt his breath on her neck, his lips brushing against her ear as he said, “But if it’s as your man , I swear I’ll never leave your side.”  

Akito gasped.  

“Let me know when you’ve figured out what you want. If it’s the same thing I want, you won’t even need to call.”  

And with that, he was gone.  

Akito puzzled over Shigure’s words for days. She hoped, desperately, that he meant what she thought he meant, but the pain of possibly being wrong felt like it would crush her.  

Nonetheless, she knew what Tohru would do in her situation.  

Tohru would release the bonds, regardless of whether that meant she could stay with Shigure forever.  

When Akito made up her mind, she ensured she was alone and would not be disturbed. She told herself it would all be okay, even if Shigure didn’t want her like that. She reminded herself that she had seen proof that she could have a future without the curse, connections without a guarantee, and that she still had important work to do as the family head.  

Then, she took a deep breath, said a final goodbye, and let them all go.  

Chapter Text

"No, the curse. The curse is gone!"  

Kyo sat bolt upright in Tohru's bed, suddenly understanding that the bittersweet loneliness he had felt was the absence of the cat spirit, his invisible lifelong companion until that morning. He looked at Yuki, who also had tears in his eyes, then slowly turned his gaze to his left wrist. He tentatively rolled the beads off, letting the loop of blood and bone fall to the bed.  

Nothing happened.  

This was too much for Kyo. He knew how badly Tohru had wanted to break the curse. He would never get to celebrate with her. He would never get to hold her without transforming.  

This version of himself would never coexist with Tohru.  

It was too painful, and he broke down in gasping sobs.  

Yuki, alarmed, came and sat by him on the bed.  

"She didn't get to see it!" He cried, clutching Yuki’s shirt. "Tohru wanted to break the curse, but she never got to see it happen! I never got to hold her!"  

Every time he thought he couldn't take any more, a new heartbreak would destroy him again.  

Yuki sighed. "I know. She wanted it more than anything, and it's cruel that she never got to see it happen. But it's gone for everyone, forever."  

Kyo wiped his eyes. "How do you know?"  

Yuki thought about how to explain what he had just experienced, eventually deciding to just share the truth. "The spirit of the god spoke to me and told me mine was the last one. They thanked me for keeping the promise and said a final goodbye."  

Kyo eyed him skeptically but didn’t press for a different explanation. He slumped back into bed. "What do I do now?" he asked, defeated.  

Yuki gazed at his cousin, who was utterly destroyed by the prospect of a real future without Tohru. "You go on," he sighed.  

"Why? The future I want is already impossible! The person I wish I could hug is dead !" His voice broke on the last word.  

Yuki furrowed his brow, "I know it's hard to feel happy right now, but the curse is gone, for all of us, and that's a good thing."  

Kyo looked completely depleted. "Tohru would have been so happy," he said in a weak voice.  

"I know. I... I think she still is,” he replied gently. Then he stood to leave, hesitating at the door. “I have somewhere I need to go, but you won’t be alone today. Try and be glad, for Tohru.”  

Kyo cried himself to sleep under Tohru’s sheets.  

Throughout the afternoon, the former Zodiac converged on the house in a slow trickle. First, Momiji, then Haru and Rin, then Hatori, Ayame, Kagura, Kisa, and Hiro. Ritsu even came, home from university on summer break.  

Shigure welcomed everyone heartily. He let them know that Yuki was out and Kyo was resting upstairs. Kureno, of course, was still in the hospital, but no one really expected him to come, anyway. Kagura whipped up a massive feast for dinner, and they all started talking excitedly about where they were when their own curse broke.  

“I was out shopping,” said Kagura.  

“I was at Hiro-chan's. I’m so happy I can hug him again!”  

“I’m so sorry! My story is much less interesting than yours. I was only getting a haircut. I’m sooo soooorrrrryyyyy!!!”  

“Mine and I were revising our latest creation.”  

“I was on my way to visit a patient.”  

“We were in my room; I was eating Ri-”  

“Delightful as that sounds, better stop there, Haru!” Shigure winked. “There are children present, after all!”  

“What about you, sensei?” Haru asked.  

“I was thinking about a dream I had once.”  

Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to elaborate when Kyo stumbled downstairs.  

“Kyo-kun!” “O-niichan!” “Kyo!”  

“Oi,” he nodded, taking a swig of milk straight from the carton. “So it’s true then? Everyone’s curse is gone?”  

“Seems that way,” smiled Shigure.  

Kyo wiped his eyes on his sleeve.  

“O-niichan, it must be so hard for you today,” Kisa said, tears coming to her own eyes. “O-neechan would have been so happy.”  

Kyo broke down at this, falling to his knees. “I- I just wish- I wish I could hold her.”  

Kisa, Momiji, and Kagura all wrapped him in a hug.  

“It’s bittersweet, isn’t it?” said Momiji, dabbing at his eyes.  

“We owe today to her,” Rin said. “For Tohru,” she raised her glass.  

“For Tohru,” came the chorus.  

Eventually, Kisa asked the other question on everyone’s mind. “What is everyone going to do now that it’s gone?”  

Kyo slunk upstairs. He wasn’t ready to think any more about a future without Tohru.  

“Of course, romance is the topic du jour! The first thing I did was embrace my dear Mine, naturally. Soon, you will all be receiving invitations to the grandest wedding of the millennium,” came Ayame’s exaggerated voice.  

Kyo hurried up to his room so no one would see him start to cry again.  

Yuki ran as fast as his legs could carry him to the nearest metro station. He fidgeted, giddy with anticipation, all the way to his destination, and leapt off the train as soon as the doors slid open.  

When he arrived, he took the stairs three at a time, bounding past surprised strangers in his child-like eagerness.  

He knocked on the door.  

No answer.  

He knocked again, in case he hadn’t been loud enough the first time.  

Still nothing.  

He sighed and reached into his pocket. Maybe he should have called.  

Crap , he thought, finding his pocket empty. His phone was still at home.  

He chuckled at his oversight and made himself comfortable. He had waited his entire life for this; he could wait a bit longer.  

Most of the former Zodiac left soon after dinner. Some, like Ayame, Hatori, and Ritsu, had sweethearts they wanted to hug again and again. Some, like Kisa, Hiro, and Kagura, had a curfew to meet. Eventually, Shigure told Haru, Rin, and Momiji that he had somewhere to be as well. The four of them got ready to leave together, and he accompanied them all the way to the inner estate.  

“Sensei, do you think Kyo will be okay?” Haru asked.  

“With time,” replied Shigure.  

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” decided Momiji. “He shouldn’t be alone for too long.”  

“I’ll come on Wednesday, then,” said Haru.  

She really did change us, didn’t she? Shigure thought to himself with a smile.  

That evening, when Shigure arrived at his destination, he slid open the door without knocking.  

“I see you've made your choice,” he said.  

“I have,” Akito answered from her futon, sitting up to face him.  

“I should warn you,” he replied, moving closer. “I won’t let go as easily as you. If I’m to be yours, you need to understand that I’m selfish, immature, and unfair. I need to know I won’t ever lose you or see you turn to another lover. I won’t let you out of my grasp, if this is what you want.”  

Akito sat up, smiling. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”  

Shigure’s lips were on hers in an instant, sending fire through her veins to her very core.  

When Machi came home that evening, she was in a foul mood. She had spent the entire day at a family event, listening to her horrible mother repeatedly insult her in front of everyone. She really needed Yuki, but he wasn’t answering his phone. She called Kakeru, who helped calm her down, but he couldn’t come to her apartment until the next day. She thought about just going to Yuki’s house, but would that make her seem clingy?  

As she went up the steps to her apartment, she froze.  

Someone was sitting outside her door.  

Her heart seemed to stop as terror gripped her. Then, her heart was fluttering with joy as she recognized the figure’s silvery hair.  

“Yuki!” She ran to him.  

“Machi!” He stood up, smiling.  

“Are you okay? I was trying to call you!”  

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he walked over and slowly put his arms around her, pulling her against him in a tight embrace.  

Machi gasped. “Yuki! But that means-”  

“Yes,” he smiled, eyes damp. “I can hold you now, Machi.”  

She felt tears come to her eyes and started sobbing into his shirt. He spun her around, holding her tight to his chest, then put her down and loosened his grip just enough to seal her lips with his own in a blazing kiss.  

As they pulled apart, he leaned his forehead against hers, and with a lustful gleam in his eye, he whispered, “And I’m never going to stop.”  

Chapter Text

“Kyo...kun?”  

She looked so small and scared.  

“What’s wrong with you? Are you blind? Can’t you smell?”  

He knew if she came any closer, he would lose her forever. He had to hurt her so badly she would never come back.  

“Are you stupid? Don’t you care about your mom? Or was it all a lie?  

She reached a trembling hand toward him.  

“Don’t touch me!” he roared, pushing her away with his monstrous hand.  

Gashes appeared on her shoulder, blood seeping from the long claw marks and mixing with the pattering rain.  

“You’re so annoying! Leave me alone, or next time I’ll slash your face off!”  

She appeared completely heartbroken, falling to her knees. “Can’t you accept that I love you no matter what, Kyo-kun?”  

“I’m disappointed in you,” he said coldly, walking away, face full of disdain.  

Tears filled her eyes. Suddenly, the land gave way beneath her, and Kyo watched her fall, hitting her head with a loud crack as blood soaked the ground beneath her. Her face was frozen in agony. He had won. She would never come back.  

“I won’t forgive you.”  

“No!” cried Kyo, jolting awake. 

He looked around the dark room, trying to get his bearings. Slowly his room came into focus around him. He was safe, Tohru was still gone, and everything in his dream had really happened.  

Had he really said all those things to her?   

He buried his face in his hands. He had been so cruel, over and over. Why had he hurt her so often?  

Something felt different. He gasped as he realized his left wrist was bare. 

“No, no, no! Please... where are they? Please don’t... don’t let me transform!” He frantically searched the bed for his beads before he remembered. The curse was gone.  

It was gone, just like Tohru.  

He sighed, falling back down onto Tohru's pillow, beads safely tucked underneath. He couldn’t go to the roof; it reminded him too much of her. He couldn’t go back to sleep; he’d only have more nightmares. He couldn’t stay awake like this; waking life was worse than a nightmare. He was alone, with nowhere to go and nothing to do. 

He lay there, frozen, until he drifted off into another nightmare. 

“Kyoooo?” 

Knock, knock, knock.  

“Kyoooo? Are you there?” 

He sat up, bleary eyed. The sun was high in the sky. How long had he slept? 

Knock, knock, knock.  

“I’m coming in, Kyo!” 

He buried his head under the covers before Momiji came bursting through the door. 

“ Guten Tag! You slept in today, Kyo!” 

Momiji opened the blinds, letting light stream into the dark room. Kyo burrowed further under the sheets. 

“I know you can hear me!” Momiji chimed in his sing-song voice. “Let’s see what I’ll find under the covers!” 

Kyo gripped them tightly over his face, but Momiji lifted them from his feet first, surprising him enough to snatch them away completely. 

“Have you had anything to eat today, Kyo?” 

“Go away.” 

“ Nein. I brought takoyaki. Come on, let’s go eat.” 

“I said go away!” 

“You can either come downstairs with me, or I will bring the food up here and feed you myself. And if you choose the latter, know all our cousins will see the pictures.” 

“Fine,” he growled in frustration. 

“ Gut,” Momiji replied cheerfully. 

Once they were downstairs, Momiji set the chabudai for lunch. Kyo picked at a couple of pieces of takoyaki before putting his head on his arms, uninterested in eating anything more. 

“Kyo, you have to eat more than that,” Momiji said, concern creeping into his typically bright voice. 

“Not hungry,” grunted Kyo. 

“Can you just try? Try and finish what’s in front of you?” Momiji’s eyes shone with worry. 

Kyo was silent. 

Momiji sighed. “I know it’s hard right now, Kyo. Do you know how much I’ve been kicking myself for not hugging Tohru as often as I could once my curse broke? It’s a very lonely feeling. Just remember, it doesn’t have to be.” 

Kyo closed his eyes, lacking the energy to respond. He supposed he should be grateful, but all he felt was emptiness. 

“I can only stay for another hour, but I need to know you’re okay, Kyo. I don’t want to leave you like this.” 

“I’m fine. You can go.” 

Momiji wasn’t convinced, but he knew he wasn’t going to make any more progress like this. “I’ll just put the leftovers in the fridge so you can have them for dinner.” 

As Kyo trudged back upstairs, Momiji sent a quick text. 

Momiji: He’s worse than I thought. Can anyone be here this evening?  

Yuki: I’ll be back tonight before dinner.  

M: Danke. Haru, are you still going over tomorrow?  

Haru: you got it  

Y: What’s the situation?  

M: he was asleep when I got here and he’s not eating  

H: make sure he has water nearby  

H: when rin is like that she doesn’t always remember to hydrate  

M: bringing him a glass now  

Y: That’s a good idea, Haru. Thank you both for looking out for him.  

Momiji brought a glass up to Kyo, who was back in Tohru’s bed, turned to face the wall. 

“There are a lot of people who are worried about you, Kyo. Please, try and take care of yourself, ja ?” 

The next few days were a blur. Kyo was vaguely aware of Yuki bringing him food and water, which he mostly didn’t touch. He had nightmares whenever he closed his eyes. He heard people that were probably talking to him, vaguely recognizing the voices of his cousins and friends. 

“...should see some of Rin’s sketches...” 

“...worried about you, O-niichan!” 

“Oi! Carrots! Get your sorry ass out...” 

At one point, Kagura tried to physically drag him out of bed, but she started crying when he didn’t resist or complain at all. 

“Kyo-kun! Please! You’re really scaring me!” 

He was only leaving Tohru’s bed to use the bathroom, and only when he was certain he wouldn’t run into anyone else who would try to talk to him. 

On Saturday, he rolled out of bed for another bathroom trip, only to startle when he saw Saki’s gaze fixed on him from across the room. 

“Sleeping beauty awakens,” she remarked. 

He hung his head; certain she was mocking him. He knew he smelled awful, having foregone showering or changing clothes since the day the curse broke. He didn’t want to think about how greasy his hair must be, or the acne he was sure had begun to dot his face and back while he wallowed in bed. 

I don’t even need a curse to be a foul-smelling, hideous monster , he thought. Maybe this is who I really have been all this time.  

“What do you want?” he asked, defeated. 

Saki quietly analyzed his waves before responding, "Kyo-kun, do you remember what Tohru wanted to say to you?" 

Kyo shook his head as he covered his eyes. He remembered every word, but he couldn't bear to hear it again right now. 

"She wanted you to keep moving forward." 

Kyo sat back on the bed, bent at the waist, head cradled in his arms. 

"She said it was most important you kept going. She wanted you to live, Kyo-kun." 

"But I don't want to live!" he shouted, voice raspy from days of disuse. "Why would I wanna live without her?" He started trembling. "It's too hard. I can't do it. I can't do it!" He was crying. "She's not here, and she’ll never know her wish came true!" He buried his face in his hands, sobbing. 

Saki didn't respond at first. After a moment, the mattress dipped beside him, and he felt a small hand come to rest on his back. He looked up and saw fresh tears falling from Saki's black eyes. 

"It will be the most challenging thing we'll ever do," she said, voice quiet with sorrow. "But we shall prevail, because it's for Tohru. She deserves no less than our best efforts." 

Kyo shook with emotion, knowing she was right. Saki stroked his back as she continued to weep silently, her own anguish privately on display as she once more tended to the grief of another. 

Kyo took a shower and changed after that. He even ate a small lunch. Saki convinced him to take a walk with her; it had been a week since he’d been outdoors. 

“Perhaps we should make these promenades a habitual occurrence,” she suggested. 

“I don’t understand half the things you say,” Kyo muttered. 

“Let’s walk together, every day,” she rephrased. 

“...okay.” He scowled. “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

“You already know the answer, Kyo-kun.” 

He sighed. That’s right. We’re family now.  

“Sorry. I’m not used to people worrying about me like this,” he grumbled. 

“That sounds terribly lonely.” 

He raised an eyebrow. He had never noticed before, but she was a lot more like Tohru-- and Kyoko-- than he had realized. Even her name, Sa meaning blossom and ki meaning hope, reminded him of Tohru. “Kyoko said that to me once.” 

Saki paused. “I didn’t realize you knew Tohru’s mother.” 

He sighed. “I don’t talk about it much. We met when I was just a kid. She said that same thing to me. ‘Sounds lonely.’ It... it made me feel forgiven for being born.” 

Saki took a moment to ponder what he’d said. “Kyo-kun, you said something earlier about Tohru’s wish coming true.” 

He froze. How could he explain what he meant? Saki would never understand- 

“You think I won’t understand? Always know your audience, Kyo-kun.” 

He sighed. Of course she was right. If anyone could understand strange things like ancient family curses, surely it was Saki with her mysterious wave powers. 

He took her hand and started dragging her toward a nearby park. “Let’s find a bench. This might take a while.” 

Chapter Text

Kyo and Saki sat side-by-side on a bench overlooking a duck pond.  

“So...” Kyo began. “Um...” How was he supposed to phrase something like this?  

“Let’s start with Tohru’s wish,” Saki suggested. “What was it she wanted?”  

Kyo groaned. That was no easier. “She... she wanted... our family curse to break.”  

Saki listened quietly, patiently waiting for Kyo to elaborate.  

“The Sohmas, uh, our family has been cursed, for- for generations,” he stumbled over his words. “Do- do you know the old folk tale of the Chinese Zodiac?”  

“I believe Tohru was quite fond of that one,” Saki replied.  

“Yeah, she was.” Kyo leaned forward, holding his head. “Well... it’s true. There’s a god, and the 12 Zodiac animals, and the cat.”  

Saki kept her expression neutral. Kyo sighed, realizing he would just have to keep talking until it was all out there.  

“So, the Sohma family was cursed to be reborn as the animals of the zodiac, plus the god and the cat.”  

“And you were the cat,” Saki stated.  

“Yeah, I was. I guess that one’s kinda obvious. You probably noticed how cats would follow me around and stuff. And I know there are some things about me that are sorta like a cat. My hair color, for sure, is 'cause of the cat spirit. And I like high places, and stuff like that. But I would also sometimes turn into a cat.”  

Saki didn’t react to this.  

“If I was hugged by a girl, or if I got sick or hurt, I would transform. All of us would transform into our animal if one of those things happened. But I-- the cat-- had an extra layer to my curse.” His voice was bitter. “I wore those juzu beads to contain the cat’s true form ; a disgusting monster that smelled rotten and had these huge claws. When I became a cat, it was just like a ‘poof,’ and then I was suddenly in a cat’s body. But when I turned into my true form, my flesh shredded, my bones broke, my muscles tore. It felt like I was dying, or like I was breaking into a million pieces and being melted back together all wrong. It was painful and humiliating and terrifying.”  

He paused to catch his breath, overwhelmed by describing that horrible transformation. “Also, I was supposed to be locked up for the rest of my life after graduation, for being the cat. That, more than anything, is why Tohru wanted to break the curse. So I wouldn’t have to go into confinement. She didn’t want to lose me.”  

He ran his sleeve across his eyes, catching his tears. “The cat was hated by the Sohma family. I was born to be hated. My mom... she killed herself when I was four. I watched her step in front of a train. It was because of me, because she gave birth to the cat. My birth father, he hated me. Probably still does. He blames me for what happened to my mom, and so did the rest of the family, except for Shishou. His grandfather was the last person to be possessed by the cat spirit. He took me in after my mom’s funeral.  

“For a while, I was too nervous to go straight home to the dojo after school. I was wandering around one day when a lady with orange hair started talking to me.”  

“Kyoko,” said Saki, nodding in recognition.  

“The first day we met, she asked where my parents were. I told her my mom was dead and my dad hated me. She said, ‘sounds lonely.’ Just like you said just now. I know it sounds stupid, but I felt like she was forgiving me for existing just then. I saw her from time to time, and she told me about Katsuya, and about Tohru.”  

He glanced at Saki, but she remained aloof.  

“One time, I knew she would be home late, so I went to check on Tohru for her. She looked so lonely, eating dinner all by herself. I worried about them every day, wondering if they were lonely, if they were smiling. I wanted to know what Tohru sounded like when she laughed. Kyoko said she was her ‘treasure.’”  

Kyo gulped, shame swallowing him as he prepared to tell the next part. “One day, I went to check on them. Kyoko was upset because Tohru was missing. And I promised- I promised to find her, to protect her. I looked all night, but Yuki found her first. I was just so angry; I yelled at Kyoko and never went back.”  

He took a deep breath as his hands started to tremble. “I didn’t see her again until a couple years ago. She was just in front of me at a crosswalk one day. I was trying to decide if I should say something when a car went out of control. It was coming right at us, and I wanted to save her, but if I pulled her against me, I would transform, and everyone would find out I wasn’t human. So I let her die.”  

He hastily wiped the snot dripping from his nose. “The last thing she said was to me. ‘I won’t forgive you.’ I had to tell Tohru; she had a right to know that I chose my selfhood over her mom’s life, and that her mom died hating me. And she... she said she still loved me no matter what. And I thought... I thought I needed to protect her from me, so I pushed her away.”  

He buried his face. “And when I ran, I failed to protect her again. I let her die, just like her mom, just like my own mom. I should have been there, but I was an idiot. And now, the curse is broken, and she’ll never know. It broke on Monday, for all of us. I won’t be locked up, I don’t transform into a monster anymore, and Tohru isn’t here to see any of it.” He sobbed as the weight of his confessions threatened to crush him.  

Saki waited, as if to see whether Kyo was really finished. After a moment, she finally spoke. “That certainly explains quite a bit. Your waves are lighter today. I also can see why you always seemed so dense about love.”  

“Whaddya mean, ‘dense?’” he spluttered.  

“It was terribly obvious that you both were in love with each other, but you always seemed to wall yourself off from the possibility of being loved.”  

Kyo thought about this for a moment. “Everyone knew except for me, huh?” he asked.  

“More or less.”  

He frowned. “And the curse, you just... believe it?”  

“Like I said, know your audience, Kyo-kun. I know what it means to be different; to have traits no one understands.”  

“And you don’t hate me after hearing all that?”  

“Why on earth would I hate you, Kyo-kun?”  

“Because... because...” He felt a knot in his stomach as his guilt ate away at him. “Because they all died! And I know Yuki said none of it’s my fault, but... but...” he couldn’t go on.  

“Yuki-kun is correct,” Saki replied. “It’s no wonder your waves were always so chaotic; that’s a tremendous load for one person to carry.”  

Kyo sat blankly, trying to deal with the fact that there was another person who just accepted him when he couldn’t even accept himself.  

“How long did Tohru know about the curse?” Saki asked quietly.  

“From the moment we met. She slipped and fell, right into me.” Kyo smiled at the memory. “Her reaction when I turned into a cat was so cute.”  

“Yes, I can only imagine.” Saki smiled, although it didn’t reach her eyes. “As I understand it, the curse broke on Monday, and you’re feeling renewed grief because Tohru isn’t here to see her wish come true.”  

“Yeah. And now I gotta think about a future without her in it.”  

Saki was silent. Kyo noticed her eyes glistening.  

“Hey,” Kyo said. “You’ve seemed... off, since the hospital.”  

Saki sighed. “That was a difficult day. Places that are linked to strong negative emotions can be overwhelming for me. Many troubled waves.”  

Kyo noticed she didn’t meet his eyes as she spoke, and her voice sounded forced. “You know, you can tell me things. I just told you my whole life story, practically. I wanna be there for you, too.”  

Saki glanced at him, assessing what she could and couldn’t say out loud, what she wasn’t ready to admit, even to herself. She chose her words cautiously, speaking slowly. “Being back near the funeral home, it just... reminded me of saying goodbye to dear Tohru.”  

Kyo felt a rush of affection at hearing how much it was affecting Saki, too. “It was really hard. It feels like everyone else is just moving on; there are so many new couples getting together.”  

“Yes, as though their world wasn’t just turned upside down.”  

“Exactly.”  

Saki sighed. “It’s hard to remember, not everyone was in love with her.”  

“I guess you’re right. Just me and Momiji.”  

Something briefly flashed across her face. She recovered quickly, fixing her face into its usual unreadable mask and dabbing at her eyes, “And she was only in love with you. You are the only one who is mourning a relationship that could have been.”  

Kyo sighed, wiping his own tears on his sleeve. “Yeah.”  

“So, how are you going to move forward?”  

Kyo thought for a moment. “Well, there’s something I need to do. You have time to go to the dojo?”  

“Ah, yes. I’ve been meaning to visit Master Kazuma myself.”  

“Geez, Saki!” He slapped a hand to his forehead. “You gotta stop hitting on my dad!”  

She smiled gently. “Actually, I intend to apply for a job, although it is always a treat to see Master Kazuma.”  

Kyo groaned. “But you don’t even know any karate!”  

“You fool. Do you think it’s the dans who cook and clean?”  

“...oh. So, what job are you after?”  

“We shall see.”  

When they arrived at the dojo, Kyo waited as Kazuma finished a conversation with one of his students. Saki went inside to find Kunimitsu and ask about job openings.  

Kazuma turned around and smiled as he spotted his son. “Kyo, it’s so nice to see you,” he smiled. “What did you want to talk about?”  

Kyo groaned. “How did you know?”  

“You always hover behind me when you have something you want to say.”  

“I told you, that can’t possibly be true!”  

“Alright, alright,” Kazuma chuckled. ”What is...” he froze mid-sentence as his eyes found Kyo’s bare left wrist. “Kyo,” he said, voice calm. “Where are your beads?”  

Kyo looked at his left wrist, experiencing a brief flash of panic until he remembered.  

"It's gone. The curse, it broke on Monday. For everyone."  

Kazuma wrapped Kyo in his arms, and Kyo was crying into his father's chest once again, grieving the future with Tohru he would never have.  

When Kyo had finally calmed down, Kazuma spoke again. “Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?”  

“Yeah...” Kyo took a deep breath, “...Dad.” He flushed as Kazuma beamed at him. “I think it’s time for me to move back here, and I think you should invite Yuki to move here, too.”  

Kazuma began, “I’m so proud of-”  

“If you say that one more time, I’m calling you Shishou again for a year.”  

Kazuma laughed. “Alright, no more doting on you today, my son.” He couldn’t contain his joy. “ When would you like to move?”  

“What’s the soonest we can do it?”  

“Let me make some phone calls. With luck, you can both move in tomorrow.”  

Kyo lit up. “Really?”  

“Really," Kazuma smiled back at him.  

Kyo and Saki walked back to the house together, Saki newly employed as a cook.  

“Congratulations,” said Kyo. “Looks like I’ll be seeing you ‘round the dojo.”  

“Yes, it would seem so. Was your conversation with Master Kazuma fruitful?”  

“Yeah, I’m gonna move back in tomorrow, and he said Yuki could come, too.”  

“Congratulations,” said Saki.  

They fell silent for a while. Kyo noticed that Saki had bags under her eyes, as if she hadn’t been sleeping.  

“I meant it, you know. You can talk to me about stuff. That’s what friends do.”  

Saki stopped walking. She had been trying to keep a tight lid on her feelings after Tohru’s death. There were some things that she hadn’t even admitted to herself yet.  

Kyo stopped and turned to her, concerned. “Saki, what’s wrong?”  

Saki was frozen. She couldn’t move; she couldn’t speak. Kyo slowly recognized the look in her eyes as her words from earlier came back to him.  

“Not everyone was in love with her.”  

He took a step closer as understanding dawned on him.  

How had he not seen this? When he had heard Saki crying on the way to the hospital, it was when Arisa had talked about being in love – the same thing that had been so hard for him to hear.  

When he really thought about it...  

“ She was most precious to me, too.”  

“ It's going to be so incredibly hard and painful without Tohru.”  

“I admit I am struggling with the loss of our dear Tohru more than it may seem...”  

...she had been telling him how she felt the whole time.   

“You were in love with her, too, weren’t you?” he asked quietly.  

Saki clapped her hands over her mouth. She nodded, clenching her eyes as they began to overflow with tears.  

His heart broke for her. He knew so much of what she was feeling. The denial, the multilayered grief, the fear of being found out, the loneliness. As he watched her break down, Momiji’s words from the day of Tohru’s death circled in his mind.  

“You don’t have to feel that way by yourself, ja?”  

“C’mere,” he said, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into a hug. He felt her whole body convulse as she sobbed; not the silent tears he had seen her shed so often since Tohru’s death, but a raw, guttural cry from her deepest core. He cradled her head against his chest and rubbed her back as she wailed, resting his cheek on her crown as he cried with her, mourning the woman they had both loved.  

Kyo thought about all the times Saki had been there for him over the past two months. How she had passed on Tohru’s final thoughts to him, how she had insisted he be seated first at Tohru’s services, how she had come to find him when he walked out of school and again when he ran from the hospital, how she worried about him after Tohru was laid to rest in her family grave, how she had snapped him out of his deep depression just this morning. Saki, like Tohru, had put his needs before her own. Like Tohru, she would give until she had nothing left.  

“Saki, I’m sorry I didn’t notice before, but I’m here now. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”  

She nodded into his chest, eyes still clamped tight in vain against the tears that kept escaping her lids. He stroked her temple gently and brought his other hand up to brush the teardrops from her cheeks. As her breathing returned to normal, he spoke again. “You’ve been so worried about me, about everyone else. Let the rest of us worry about you tonight, okay? Me and Yuki, we’ll take care of you.”  

She nodded once more, still unable to speak. Kyo rubbed calming circles through her hair. “Are you ready to start walking again?” he asked, voice soft.  

“Mhm,” came her voice, sounding higher than its usual monotone.  

“Okay,” he whispered. “Let’s go. You can lie down when we get back. I’ll cook tonight, okay?”  

He took her hand and led her back to the house.  

Chapter Text

Kyo changed the sheets on Tohru’s bed when they got back so Saki could rest while he made somen. Yuki arrived home just as Kyo finished making the dipping sauce Tohru had taught him.  

“Yo,” Kyo greeted his cousin.  

“Kyo, you’re up!” Yuki exclaimed.  

“Yeah. Sorry... about the last few days.”  

“No, I’m just glad to see you’re up and eating.”  

“Yeah, me too. Thanks for looking out for me this week,” Kyo said, blushing. “Saki came by today, and we went to the dojo. Dad says we can both move in as early as tomorrow, if you want.”  

“You’re finally calling him ‘Dad,’” Yuki smiled. “Okay, I can have my things ready by tomorrow.”  

“So you’re gonna come?”  

“Yeah, I think I will.”  

Kyo smiled. “Good.” He paused before going on. “Saki is still here; she’s resting upstairs. She had a tough time with everything today. I was thinking we should let her stay here tonight.”  

“Is she okay?” Yuki asked, concerned.  

“She will be,” Kyo answered. “Just a lot of... hard memories and stuff.”  

Yuki frowned, rubbing his forehead. “Anything I can do to help?”  

“Do you wanna set the table? I’m gonna go let her know dinner is ready.”  

“Sure.”  

“Oh, and, uh... she knows about the curse now.”  

Yuki’s eyes went wide. “How did that happen?”  

Kyo chuckled. “It’s hard to keep stuff from her, you know? Those damn waves...”  

Yuki sighed. “I guess I should tell you Machi knows, too.”  

Kyo grinned. “Sounds like you two’re getting serious.”  

Yuki coughed, turning deep pink. Kyo stifled a laugh at Yuki’s obvious discomfort and climbed the stairs to tell Saki dinner was ready.  

When he got to his room, she was fast asleep under the covers. He lightly shook her shoulder, trying to wake her, but she still slept. He decided to let her rest. He stuck a note to the inside of his door letting her know dinner was in the fridge whenever she woke up.  

Kyo and Yuki ate, then they packed Yuki’s things while Saki dozed, and by the time they were ready for bed, they had finished packing all their belongings in the house except for those in Kyo’s room. About a dozen full boxes stood in the living room, along with the furniture Yuki would be taking to the dojo. They laid out two futons and a change of clothes for tomorrow in Yuki’s room, opting to allow Saki the privacy of having Kyo’s room to herself.  

Before they went to bed, Kyo called Saki’s family to let them know where she was.  

“ Hello ?” came a female voice on the other end of the line.  

“Uh, hello, kaasan?”  

“Yes, who is this?”  

“This is Kyo Sohma, I’m a friend of Saki’s. She came over today, and she had a bit of a rough day. She should probably stay the night.”  

“Oh dear, what happened?”  

“She... she just misses Tohru a lot and had a big cry. She’s been asleep since before dinner.”  

“I see. Who else is at the house?”  

“It’s just me and Yuki. I think you met us at the wake.”  

“Yes, I remember you, Sohma-kun.” Saki’s mom paused. “There are no adults present?”  

“No, sorry. Our guardian isn’t here, and we’re actually moving out of the house tomorrow.”  

“And no girls?”  

Kyo gulped. “No, sorry. She’s not sharin’ a room with anyone or anything, if you’re worried about that,” he added nervously. “Would you like to come get her? Or I can call Uotani and see if she can come. Or maybe my dad? I just don’t want to send her home alone right now.”  

“That’s very kind of you, Sohma-kun. Why don’t I call Arisa-chan, and if she can’t make it, I’ll come bring Saki-chan home.”  

“Okay, thank you, kaasan. Do you need our address?"  

“I have it right here. Thank you, Sohma-kun. Either Arisa-chan or I will be there within the hour.”  

“Okay, thank you, kaasan.”  

“Bye now.”  

Kyo hung up the phone and sighed. He hoped he had done the right thing, but he felt like Saki’s privacy was being invaded no matter what. He didn’t want her to have to talk about her feelings for Tohru if she wasn’t ready.  

Just then, he heard quiet footsteps on the stairs. Saki appeared, looking smaller and more fragile than he had ever seen her. He had always found her intimidating, but something had shifted between them today. She might have her wave powers, but he was learning how to read her, too.  

“Hey,” he said softly. “I’ll go grab dinner.”  

She nodded and wandered toward the kitchen table. He put a bowl of cold somen and dipping sauce in front of her, then set to work making a pot of tea.  

“I just got off the phone with your mom,” he began. She nodded as she dipped her noodles. “I told her you were resting and that you might need to stay the night. She’s gonna see if Uotani can come so you can both stay over. If not, she’s gonna pick you up. One of them will be here soon.”  

Saki nodded silently once more. Kyo sat across from her and rested his head on his arm, watching Saki eat, concerned.  

“You don’t... you don’t gotta talk about it if you're not ready, and I won’t tell anyone or anything. I just... I wanna make sure you’ve got someone looking out for you, the way you’ve been looking out for me.”  

She smiled. “I believe I do, Kyo-kun. Thank you.”  

Kyo found himself blushing. “And... I hope you are ready to talk about it soon. Talking helps. I wish I’d learned that a long time ago.” He scowled. “It’s hard to keep stuff bottled up inside. Tohru used to do that, too. You’re... you’re a lot more like her than I realized.”  

Saki put a hand on her heart. “That is perhaps the highest praise you could give me. Thank you, Kyo-kun.”  

“No problem,” he muttered, turning yet a deeper shade of red.  

“You’re a lot like her, too, you know,” Saki said.  

“Huh?” Kyo grunted.  

“You remind me of her quite often. Especially today. You accepted something about me that I hadn’t even accepted about myself. You understood I was hurting, and you tried to help. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and feel responsible for the happiness of those you care about. You’re an incredibly kind person, Kyo-kun. Much like our dearest Tohru.”  

Kyo felt his cheeks burn as he somehow flushed even darker.  

Saki finished her noodles, and they quickly washed their dishes together before heading to the engawa, each with a cup of tea.  

Sitting outside, Kyo fidgeted. He wasn’t sure of the right thing to do in this situation. He wanted Saki to feel comfortable talking to him, but he didn’t want to push her before she was ready.  

“It’s okay,” she said, sensing his discomfort. “I can talk to you now.”  

He relaxed at her words. “So, when did you know?”  

“I never admitted it to myself before today, but I suppose I knew deep down from the time we met.” She sniffed, then took a sip of her tea. “What about you?”  

“I didn’t really realize until we were at the beach last summer, but it’s like you said: part of me knew all along.” He downed his tea in one gulp. “Have you ever been in love with anyone else, besides Tohru?”  

“Not in love, no. Just the occasional crush on a classmate, or classmate's handsome father.”  

“Dammit, Saki,” he slapped a palm to his face.  

She smiled. “What about you? Did you ever love anyone else?”  

“No,” he said immediately. “’Cause, you know, I wasn’t supposed to have a future after graduation, I tried not to think about girls like that. And it wasn’t like I could hold them or anything, anyway. I didn’t... I told myself I didn’t want to break someone’s heart by leaving. But really, I think I was protecting myself. ‘Cause saying goodbye would’ve been too painful.”  

She leaned into his shoulder, eyes downcast and cheeks damp. “It is.”  

He put a comforting arm around her as his eyes overflowed, too. “Yeah, it is.”  

Arisa hurried over as soon as she got the call from Saki’s mother. It was unusual for Saki to cry at all, let alone to the degree that she had today, from the sound of things.  

She racked her brain, trying to think of what might have upset her friend so much. Yeah, it still stung that Tohru was gone, but there wasn’t anything new that could have caused her to break down now , right?  

As she reached the top of the stairs, she saw Kyo sitting on the engawa, and Saki sleeping with her head in his lap while he combed his fingers through her long, black hair.  

Arisa took a seat next to Kyo, trying to contain her worry so as not to wake her friend. “Kyon, what happened?” she half-whispered.  

“Some of that’s for her to say when she’s ready,” he said, tone hushed, worried eyes fixed on Saki. “But the short version is she had a big cry today about Tohru while we were out walking.”  

“Did something new happen?” Arisa asked, voice quiet yet urgent.  

“Yes and no. Nothing really happened, but I just think she’s been so busy taking care of all of us that she didn’t let anyone take care of her when she needed it, and it kinda came up all at once when I asked her about it.”  

Arisa frowned. “Why are all my friends such damn martyrs!” she hissed, starting to cry.  

Kyo smiled. “’Your friends are kind people, Arisa.”  

Her jaw went slack. She turned, smacking him on the arm. “Kyon! You’ve never called me by my given name before!”  

“Yeah, yeah. I figured it was time. We’re family, right?"  

“That’s right,” she said, wiping her face. “Dammit, I really wanna hug you right now, Kyon.”  

“Fine, fine, go ahead,” he grumbled, blushing furiously.  

She put her arm around him and pulled him tight. “Thanks for lookin' out for her today.”  

Kyo accepted the contact, even as his gut told him to panic. She finally let go, and he got down to business. “So, here’s what’s going on. Yuki and I are moving out tomorrow. We’re going to live at the dojo. We got almost everything ready this evening while Saki was sleeping. My room still needs to be packed, but I don’t have a lotta stuff, so that shouldn’t take me long. The living room is kinda full right now, so you two can have my room tonight, and I’ll take a futon in Yuki’s room.”  

“Don’t be silly. You should get one last night in your room.”  

“It was never really mine, anyway,” he insisted. “Most of the stuff in there is that damn Shigure’s. Yuki and I already set up the futons in his room and everything.”  

“Fine, if you insist. We’ll also stay and help you guys move.”  

Kyo’s eyes widened. “Are you sure? You don’t have work or anything?”  

“Not until late. And her mom said she just needs to be home by dinner.”  

“Thanks,” he said. “My dad will be helping, and the estate’s sending movers.”  

She beamed. “You’re finally calling him ‘dad!’ Look at you go, Kyon!”  

“Shut up,” he grinned, leaning his head on her shoulder as she squeezed him close again. “Can you think of anything else she’ll need for tonight?”  

“I brought some of my clothes for her. They’re probably too big, but they’ll do if she's okay with wearing actual colors. I grabbed a toothbrush for her from the convenience store. I’ll find you if anything else comes up.”  

“Sounds good.” He hesitated. “Should we wake her up, or should I just carry her?”  

“Let her sleep,” Arisa rubbed her friend’s head gently. “I’ll go get her stuff ready. You sure you can carry her all the way upstairs?”   

“You tryin’ to say I’m weak?” he growled softly, smirking.  

“Geez, is your ego that fragile, Kyon?” She punched him lightly on the arm and went inside.  

Kyo stayed on the engawa, fingers weaving through Saki’s hair as he thought about the day. He knew how she was feeling; he finally saw her.  

She stirred, blinking her eyes open.  

“Hey,” he said gently, thumb stroking her temple. “Arisa’s here. I’m gonna take you upstairs now, okay?”  

She nodded, closing her eyes again. He gently lifted her. She clung to his neck, half asleep, and he was again struck by how tiny and delicate she was; no longer the slightly terrifying girl who he tolerated because of her friendship with Tohru, but his own friend, his family, who needed him to protect her right now. As he carried her up the stairs, he vowed to be there for her-- and Arisa-- from then on.  

The next morning, Kyo rose at his usual early hour. He decided to go for a morning run; he’d missed so many over the past several weeks, he didn’t want to miss any more.  

His muscles ached from days of languor; he found himself winded after a single mile and ended his run after only thirty minutes. He had a long way to go before he was back at full capacity, but it felt good to move again.  

He took a quick shower and ran a final load of laundry before starting breakfast for everyone. He knew they’d probably all sleep in, so he decided to make tamagoyaki, which would still be tasty when chilled. He ate a small spread of breakfast foods, then put a note on the table to let everyone else know that breakfast was in the fridge.  

He grabbed a couple of boxes from Shigure’s room, laying them outside his room for whenever the girls were up. He only needed to pack his clothes and school supplies. Everything else could stay; most of it was Shigure’s, anyway.  

He went back downstairs to grab the clean laundry. He brought it out to the balcony to hang it on the clothesline to dry. He thought about Tohru, how he used to watch her hanging linens, making that ridiculously cute face of hers. It had always warmed him from the inside out, seeing her doing the most menial household tasks and just being herself.  

As he pinned his last shirt to the clothesline, he decided to visit the roof one last time. In his most private fantasies, he would imagine proposing to Tohru up here, telling her how much he loved her, and that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.  

As he reminisced about moments they shared on this roof, both real and imagined, he realized something had changed within him yesterday. When he understood Saki’s feelings for Tohru, he felt his role in the grieving process shift. He was no longer the one that needed everyone else’s care; he was able to provide that for Tohru’s loved ones, too. He finally got to be useful. It almost felt like a second chance at saving the little lost girl he couldn’t protect all those years ago. And, more significantly, he felt something in himself begin to heal when he was able to help someone else who had loved Tohru.  

Maybe that was the way forward; to turn his grief into actions that honored Tohru’s memory. He could keep her close to his heart by living in the model of her kindness, being the sort of person who did whatever he could to better the lives of others, spreading the warmth and compassion that had made her so special, until it was in everything he touched, and he felt her sweet presence all around him.  

Yeah, that sounded good. He wanted to do that. For Tohru.

Chapter Text

Kyo came down from the roof when he heard voices from the rooms below. He caught Saki and Arisa on their way out of his room.  

“Morning, Kyon,” Arisa yawned.  

“Morning,” he replied. “You sleep well?” he asked, mostly to Saki.  

“Quite,” she responded. Kyo thought she almost looked like a stranger in one of Arisa’s pastel sleepshirts.  

The three of them made their way downstairs, finding Yuki at the kitchen table with his breakfast and a pot of tea.  

“Good morning,” Yuki greeted. “Saki, how are you?”  

“Much better, thank you,” she replied. “And thank you, all of you, for ensuring my well-being last night.”  

Arisa started crying and yanked her into a crushing hug. “Saki, I was so worried about you! Don’t ever let it get that bad again, okay?”  

Saki hugged her friend back and nodded, blinking back tears.  

Kyo scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, then shuffled over to the fridge to serve breakfast to the girls.  

“And that goes for both of you, too,” Arisa chided the boys. “Kyon, I was seriously worried about you last week. And Prince... just don’t forget that we’re family, okay?”  

“I won’t,” smiled Yuki.  

“So, is anyone gonna spill? What’s been going on with you, Kyon?”  

Kyo and Yuki locked eyes. Yuki shrugged, seemingly giving permission for Kyo to tell Arisa about the curse.  

Kyo paused. “You should talk to Kureno first. Once you do, I’ll tell you the rest.” He looked back over at Yuki, who gave him an approving nod.  

“What does he have to do with anything?” she asked, confused.  

“It’s a Sohma family thing. You’ll want to hear it from him, trust us,” said Yuki.  

“And we’ll talk once you do. Promise,” said Kyo.  

“Okay,” she grumbled. Her brows met in a scowl, her frustration at being out of the loop obvious.  

Yuki decided to change tack. “How are things with you and Kureno, Uotani-san?”  

“Just call me ‘Arisa’ already!” she snapped. Seeing Yuki shrink back at her raised voice, she immediately regretted taking her frustration out on him. “Sorry, Prince... I mean... gah, I’m such a hypocrite!” she slapped a hand against her forehead. “It’s just been so hard lately. I feel like I can’t do anything. Between you two,” she gestured at Kyo and Saki, “and Kureno, it’s like all the people I care about are hurting and I can’t do a damn thing!”  

“But you did help, sweet Arisa. You came when I needed you yesterday,” Saki reminded her, taking her hand.  

“Yeah, and you were the first person we thought to call, both me and her mom,” Kyo added. “’Cause we knew we could count on you.” He rubbed his neck. “And I know you showed up for me, too, last week, even if I didn’t acknowledge you or anything.”  

“Arisa,” Yuki said, earning a huge smile from her as he called her by name, “you have always been a reliable and caring friend. We trust you. The four of us,” he gestured to the group, “we share something permanent. Tragic and permanent. You’ve made it clear that we’re now family to you, please allow us to show you that we feel the same way.”  

“You guys!” she bawled, clutching Saki tightly to her side. “Ahh, sorry I’m such a crybaby!” she released Saki and started blotting her eyes with a napkin.  

"So, Kureno’s still in the hospital?” Kyo asked, picking up on what she had said earlier.  

“He just started physical therapy last week,” she replied. “He still can’t walk or anything. It’s been really hard to see him like that.”  

Everyone nodded, understanding how hard it was to see a loved one struggle.  

“They think he’ll be able to leave the hospital in two or three months, but he’ll still need physical therapy and all for a while. And...” she took a deep breath, “he’s gonna move away somewhere, and after we graduate, I’m gonna go with him.”  

“Arisa, that’s wonderful!”  

“Yeah, congrats!”  

“I’m so happy for you both!”  

“I’m just gonna miss you all so much!” Arisa cried, banging a fist on the table.  

“Surely you realize we’ll come visit?” Saki soothed, rubbing her friend’s back.  

“Yeah, and you’ll see us whenever you come back, too,” Kyo added.  

“Actually, I’ll be going away, too,” Yuki announced. “I’m only applying to universities outside of Tokyo.”  

Kyo and Arisa gaped at him.  

“Where are you applying, Yuki-kun?” Saki asked, breaking the silence.  

“I’m applying to Kyoto, Osaka, Nagoya, and Tohoku, then possibly Kyushu and Hokkaido.”  

“Damn, that’s far!”  

“Yes, but I’m less interested in those two, mostly because of the distance. Machi knows, but we haven’t talked about what it means for us yet.”  

“So both of us will be out next year,” Arisa said, gesturing at herself and Yuki. “What about you two, are y’all goin’ anywhere?”  

“I’ve just accepted a position at the Sohma dojo as a cook,” said Saki. “I plan to continue working there until life calls me elsewhere.”  

“Hey, congrats! So, you’ll still be here. What about you, Kyon?”  

Kyo was gazing across the table, emotions still raw from all the ways his future had changed since that terrible day in the rain.  

“I... haven’t really thought much about what I wanna do after graduation,” he said. “Before... all I knew was I wanted to spend it with Tohru. I don’t know if I’m ready to decide anything yet.”  

“Sorry. I forgot that was a hard topic,” Arisa apologized, looking contrite.  

“It’s okay,” he replied, feeling a weight off his chest as he finally allowed himself to consider the future he could have now that the curse was broken. “I gotta think about it eventually. I'll probably stay at the dojo until I figure something else out,” he shrugged. “Maybe my dad’ll let me start teaching.”  

“Speaking of Shi-han,” said Yuki. “We ought to finish packing before the movers get here.”  

“Good call, Yun,” said Arisa.  

Yuki groaned at the new nickname. “Not you, too!”  

“It’s that or ‘Prince,’” she smirked.  

“Yuki, why don’t you do a sweep of the house and look for anything we missed,” Kyo suggested, cutting off Yuki’s retort. “I’m gonna go pack my room. Saki, Arisa, maybe you two can do dishes and any cleaning that’s left.”  

“We’re on it, Kyon!” Arisa replied, punching him in the arm with a wide grin.  

Kyo finished packing his room before the others had finished their tasks. After he brought down his two boxes, he joined Yuki in doing a sweep of the house, looking for anything they might have overlooked as they packed last night. They found a couple of rogue items in the shower room, and they packed those in a box with the laundry Kyo had hung earlier that morning.  

Kyo then turned to the butsudan. He took Tohru’s and Kyoko’s photos and packed them in the box with his clothes, wrapping them in his thickest sweats for safety. He stuffed his juzu beads inside as well, not yet ready to part with them, even if he didn’t need to wear them anymore.  

After finishing the dishes, Saki and Arisa got changed into the clothes Arisa had packed and brought Arisa’s bag downstairs. The two of them made lunch for the group, trying to use as many of the perishable items as they could, while Kyo and Yuki ensured that their boxes were properly labeled. The four of them ate once more at the kitchen table, then migrated to the engawa to wait for the movers to arrive.  

That afternoon, the movers took everything in a small truck. The four teens walked over to the dojo together, met with a warm greeting from Kazuma. The movers were nearly done unloading everything from the truck and bringing them to Yuki and Kyo’s new rooms. Arisa offered to help Yuki unpack, since they would be moving his furniture into place, so Saki went to help Kyo with his two boxes.  

“Hey, just so I know, did you end up telling Arisa anything?” Kyo asked once they were in the privacy of his room.  

“No, I couldn’t yet,” Saki admitted, opening the box with Kyo’s school supplies. “I’m afraid of what she’ll think.”  

Kyo was genuinely surprised. “You really think she’d have a problem with you liking a girl?”  

“It's not that," Saki answered, remembering what Arisa had shared about her first kiss. “Arisa is very open-minded about love.”  

“Well then, what’s the problem?” Kyo demanded.  

“The three of us were best friends. I don’t want to change that for her,” Saki said.  

“Why would it change?” Kyo asked. “You three were best friends.”  

“Yes, but my friendship with Tohru was not what it seemed, to her or to Arisa. It was a one-sided love, an unrequited crush. That changes things, and it’s entirely my fault for developing such feelings.”  

Kyo put down the shirt he was folding and moved next to Saki, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Hey,” he said. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. Believe me, I tried,” he chuckled at himself. “I really tried not to fall for her. I knew how bad it would hurt both of us if I did, but I fell in love with her anyway. So even if you tried not to, you still would’ve loved her. She just... had that effect on people like us. Don’t blame yourself. And... and both things can be true. You can be best friends and in love with her. That’s how it was for me, at least.”  

Saki smiled, wiping tears from her eyes. “Perhaps you’re less dense about love than I thought, Kyo-kun.”  

“Oh, gee, thanks for the compliment,” he grumbled in mock-offense, going back to finish folding his clothes. “But seriously, I think she’d be hurt if you don’t tell her soon. Keeping something like that a secret... that’s what would change things between you.”  

Saki sighed. He was right, as much as she didn’t want to admit it. “I will consider what you’ve said,” she decided as she collapsed the box she had just emptied. “Thank you, Kyo-kun,” she said, standing to help Yuki and Arisa with the remaining unpacking.  

In Yuki’s room, she found absolute chaos. “Oh dear,” she said, barely suppressing a grin. “What happened here?”  

“What do you mean?” asked Yuki. “We’re unpacking.”  

“He doesn’t understand that you gotta do more than just dump out the boxes,” Arisa smirked.  

“I did not just dump out the boxes!” Yuki argued. “I have a system!”  

“Yuki-kun, systems have rules and inner logic. I fail to see any reason for this,” she held up a math textbook, “and this,” she held up a pair of briefs, “to be stored together.”  

Yuki snatched his underwear from Saki, turning a startling shade of fuchsia. “That’s not...” he sputtered.  

“Relax, Yun, that’s why we’re here,” Arisa grinned. “We’re gonna teach you how to keep this from ever happening again.”  

His shoulders slumped. “Fine,” he grunted.  

“Before we show Yuki-kun the life-changing magic of tidying up , there’s something I need to tell you both,” Saki interjected.  

Arisa immediately turned her attention to Saki, face serious. Yuki took his cue from Arisa, looking at Saki expectantly.  

“Arisa, I know you’ve been concerned about me since my mother called you yesterday. And Yuki-kun, I'm aware you were worried when Kyo-kun told you I would be staying over.” She watched as her two friends nodded; their eyes fixed on her. “The truth is, I was in love with Tohru.”  

“Oh, Saki!” Arisa flung her arms around her best friend as tears spilled from both of their eyes. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve realized.”  

“Frankly, dear Arisa, I’m not sure whether I realized until yesterday. I certainly wasn’t ready to admit it to myself.”  

Arisa hugged her tighter. “Thanks for telling me, Saki.”  

“Yes, thank you for trusting us enough to share this with us,” Yuki responded. “Does... does Kyo know?”  

Arisa loosened her grip on Saki, who pulled away from the hug to look at Yuki. “Yes, he figured out my true feelings for Tohru before I had acknowledged them to myself, just as he encouraged me to tell you this. Kyo-kun is surprisingly perceptive about people.”  

"That’s true,” said Yuki. “I’ve always envied his people skills.”  

“For real?” Arisa snorted. “But you’re the prince . And you’re student council president, you’ve got your own friends, a cute girlfriend who you’ve definitely banged by now-”  

“What?” Yuki coughed, turning brilliantly pink. “How did you-?”  

“Oh, from the way you two were going at it when I walked in on you, it was bound to happen soon!”  

“Plus, Yuki-kun, your response all but confirmed it,” Saki smiled, eyes twinkling.  

Yuki flushed deeper. “Okay then. Not a word of this. To anyone. I mean it!”  

“Hey, we kept our mouths shut so far!”  

“Fair enough,” Yuki begrudgingly agreed. “Now, uh, would you please help me with this?” He gestured at the mess around them.  

“Happily,” both girls responded, eager to organize Yuki’s room once and for all.  

Meanwhile, Kyo had finished folding his clothes, and gathered the last three items in his arms. He brought them to the end of the hallway, where Kazuma kept a large altar for himself and the other residents of the dojo, which now included Kyo and Yuki along with Kunimitsu and Rin.  

There were only a handful of pictures; one of a young couple Kyo knew to be Kazuma’s parents, both having died when Kazuma was a young adult. There was a picture of an elderly man and one of a middle-aged woman that must have been added since he last lived at the dojo. He saw the photo of a young woman that he remembered but had never bothered to ask about before. He wondered, had Kazuma lost someone he loved, just like he had lost Tohru?  

He found a spot for Tohru and Kyoko’s photos, nestling them among the others while making sure to keep them beside each other. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his juzu beads, kneeling in front of the butsudan and looping them around his hands.  

“Hi, Tohru,” he said, closing his eyes. “I guess this is your new home. I hope you like it. We brought your mom, too, so you’d get to be together. And because... well, I miss her, too.” He paused. “I think you’d be proud of me right now. A lot has changed since yesterday. I still miss you so much, Tohru,” his voice trembled but didn’t break, “but I guess I really get it now, that everyone misses you. It doesn’t feel like I’m alone anymore. I know we’re all gonna miss you, together, forever,” he sniffled, eyes moistening. “I really want to keep going, Tohru, and I finally think I can. It’s so much harder without you, but I can do it. I want to try and make you proud of me. I want to make you happy with the life I get to live now. I’m not cursed anymore, and I really wish you’d been here to see that. But I’m not gonna waste my life now that I get to have one. I promise. I love you, Tohru.” He placed his beads in front of Tohru’s picture and stroked the side of the frame with his thumb before standing up and turning around.  

“Dad!” he shouted, jumping in surprise. “How long have you been there?”  

“I just arrived,” Kazuma smiled, still delighted at being called dad. “I see you brought Tohru’s mother along, too,” he observed gently. 

Kyo nodded meekly, then took a deep breath to steel his nerves. After Tohru, his father was the person he most needed to tell about Kyoko’s death. “Hey Dad?” he asked, throat dry. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”  

“Of course,” Kazuma smiled warmly. “Perhaps the courtyard?”  

Kyo wrinkled his nose. It was supposed to rain that evening, and he really didn’t want to be caught outside when it started. “My room is fine.”  

He grabbed Kyoko’s picture and followed Kazuma to his room.  

Chapter Text

Kazuma sat in seiza as Kyo paced, trying to figure out where to start.  

“Is everything all right, Kyo?”   

“Yeah. I mean... yeah,” Kyo was more nervous than Kazuma had ever seen him. “There’s just... something I need to tell you.”  

“Is it about Tohru’s mother?” Kazuma gently probed.  

Kyo tried to swallow the lump in his throat, to no avail. He nodded weakly and sat down in front of his father. He’d already told Tohru, Yuki, and Saki. He could do this.  

“I... I knew her. I knew Tohru’s mom."  

Kazuma listened quietly, giving space for Kyo to share as little or as much as he wanted.  

“Do you remember, a long time ago, I told you I met someone weird?”  

“I do.”  

“It was her.”  

And with that, Kyo began telling the story of how he met Kyoko, how he visited from time to time, why he stopped going, the circumstances of her death, her final words to him, the connection to his deep depression two years prior, and his final, painful conversation with Tohru. The words tumbled out; having already told the story three times, he quickly settled into a rhythm, even if it was no easier on his guilty conscience. He couldn’t look Kazuma in the face; he was sure he’d see empathy and forgiveness, which he knew would be even worse than if he saw the disappointment or disgust he deserved.  

Kyo finished his story, sniffling and drawing his sleeve across his face.  

Kazuma drew a calm breath, then pulled Kyo into a close hug. “Thank you for telling me this, son. I’m so sorry you were carrying this all by yourself.”  

Kyo closed his eyes and let Kazuma hold him for a little longer. When he pulled away, he gathered his courage and blurted out, “Can I ask you something?”  

“Of course.”  

“Why doesn’t anyone blame me for this?” His face was contorted with regret and guilt.  

Kazuma sighed. His whole life, Kyo had shouldered the blame for terrible things that weren’t his fault. He put his hands on Kyo’s shoulders. “Tell me, why should they blame you for it?”  

Kyo opened his mouth, then closed it. No one had ever asked him that before, and it messed with his head to have to find words to describe something his gut understood automatically. “You know!” he finally responded, more harshly than intended. “Because I didn’t do anything to stop her from dying!”  

“And that means you are solely responsible for her death?”  

“Well, yeah, right? I mean, I could have helped but I didn’t!” Kyo furrowed his brow, rubbing his forehead.  

“Perhaps,” replied Kazuma. “But perhaps not. We’ll never know if you would truly have been able to save her.”  

Kyo was stunned at what he was hearing. Of course he could have helped her! Why was Kazuma saying this?  

“You need there to be a reason, something you could have done to change the outcome, because otherwise, it’s too terrifying. If someone can be alive one minute and gone the next, there ought to be a reason why. It can be easier to believe it was our fault than to accept that it happened for no single reason, but that's the truth. Sometimes, terrible things just happen. Tell me, Kyo, why do you blame yourself and not the driver of the car that killed her?”  

Kyo frowned, realizing he had never once thought to blame the driver. He couldn’t imagine feeling that way after speaking with Komaki. He imagined Tohru didn’t hold Komaki’s father responsible, either.  

“Why do you blame yourself, but none of the other pedestrians? None of them would have been in danger of transforming; surely it would have been easier for one of them to pull her out of harm’s way.”  

Kyo scowled. That wasn’t the point!  

“Why not blame the engineer who designed that intersection, or the company who manufactured the car, or Tohru’s mother for not seeing the vehicle coming her way? Why only you?”  

“Because I can’t do anything about any of that!” he shouted, pounding a fist into the floor. “But I can control what I do, and I didn’t do anything ! That’s not the kind of man I wanna be!”  

Kazuma smiled. “What kind of man do you want to be, Kyo?”  

Kyo felt an all-too-familiar stinging sensation behind his eyes. “I... I want... I wanna be the kind of person who doesn’t hesitate to help people. I wanna walk away from something like that knowing I did everything I could, even if it doesn’t all turn out okay. I wanna be... I wanna help people the way Tohru helped me.” He felt tears begin to roll down his cheeks.  

“And how do you intend to help people?”  

Kyo took a steadying breath. “I think I gotta just keep trying, right?” He ran his sleeve across his eyes. “I gotta do what I can to help people, whenever I can. And not just in traffic accidents and stuff. I gotta look out for people when they’re suffering, which means I gotta get to know them so I can tell.” He thought about Saki’s breakdown the previous day, and Arisa’s tearful admission that morning, and Saki’s hesitancy to talk to Arisa about what had happened. He had to keep helping them and learn how to help the other people around him.  

Kazuma’s heart swelled. He had never heard Kyo talk like this, as if his role in the world could be as a force for good. He decided to press Kyo a bit further. “Holding onto guilt, will it help you save the next person?”  

“No.” Kyo sniffled. “But I also don’t think I should just forget about it, either!”  

Kazuma put his hands back on Kyo’s shoulders and squeezed, looking him directly in the eyes. “I doubt you’ll ever forget what happened, Kyo. You’ve seen so much death in your seventeen years, more than most people witness in an entire lifetime. And from the beginning, you’ve been told it’s your fault by adults who thought it was acceptable to lay blame for their cruelty at the feet of an innocent child,” Kyo sensed a furious rage simmering just below the surface of those words, and in that moment, he realized how deep Kazuma’s fatherly love for him truly went. “It makes sense, then, that you’d continue to blame yourself when tragedies happen around you. But you’re not a god, nor a superhero. You cannot save everyone from that which comes for us all eventually. You’re just human; a deeply caring, strong, resilient, sensitive, remarkable young man. What you can do is make the small part of the world you inhabit kinder and gentler, just by being yourself. You’ve helped several people in the past two months alone, to my knowledge. You made sure Yuki had a place to live. From what I hear, you’ve been an important friend to Saki and Arisa. You cooked for everyone back at the house and told stories so everyone could have a little more of Tohru to remember. Those things matter, Kyo. You’ve been making a difference this whole time.”  

Kyo pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. When Kazuma spelled it out for him like this, he could almost see it, that he wasn’t the terrible person he’d always believed himself to be, but a normal teenage boy with a good heart.  

“Thanks,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “I’m gonna try and remember that.” He gave his dad a hug and returned Kyoko's picture to her spot on the altar beside Tohru.  

In the final weeks of summer, Kyo and Yuki adjusted to their new life as residents of the Sohma dojo. Yuki stayed at Machi’s a few nights a week, but he was a regular presence around the dojo as well, even dropping in to attend the occasional class. He and Kyo resumed their visits with Tohru’s grandfather on Saturdays, and as word of their move spread to the younger Sohmas, they had a steady stream of visitors who were happy to see Kyo back on his feet.  

Saki started her new job as a cook, and she would meet with Kyo to go walking every day before or after her shift. Sometimes they would talk about Tohru, sometimes they’d make small talk about Saki’s family or dojo life, and other times they would share a comfortable silence as they circled the blocks surrounding the dojo. She would frequently stay for dinner, and Kyo would insist on cooking so she could have a break after work. Arisa joined for dinner on her days off, and she and Saki grew close with Rin and Kagura, even having a sleepover at Kagura’s late in August.  

Shigure finally made his move back to the estate permanent, giving up his career as a writer to work for Akito- or at least, that was the story that spread through the family. The house on the hill was once more unoccupied.  

The night before their fall term began, Yuki asked if Saki, Kyo, and Arisa could meet to discuss Tohru’s memorial garden. Arisa suggested they meet over dinner once she was done with work, and Kyo floated the idea of sushi, which was met with enthusiasm by all.  

They settled into their booth, immediately reaching for plates from the conveyor belt. Once they each had a dish in front of them, Saki spoke.  

“By the way, happy birthday, Yuki-kun.”  

“It’s your birthday?” Arisa exclaimed.  

“I guess it is,” Yuki realized, having forgotten until Saki had mentioned it. He hadn’t ever really celebrated his birthday, even as a very young child.  

“Well, happy birthday,” Arisa grinned, giving him a friendly punch on the arm.  

“Yeah, happy birthday,” Kyo agreed, raising his water glass to Yuki.  

Yuki smiled. He was grateful for the new friendships he’d developed since his last birthday. “Thanks, everyone. I’m glad I’m spending it with you.”  

“All right, Yun, what’s the deal with the garden?”  

Yuki swallowed his eel nigiri. “Unfortunately, we’ve hit a bit of a snag. There’s not a lot of land available in the vicinity of the Sohma compound or Kaibara High.”  

“Why’s it gotta be there?” Kyo demanded through a bite of yellowtail sashimi.   

“Well, would you visit a garden that’s an hour one way by train, you stupid cat?”  

Arisa gasped. “Oh my god, I just realized! I’m so sorry!”  

Kyo and Yuki gaped at her. “What’re you sorry for?” Kyo finally asked.  

“Kureno, he said... and you must be... oh, I am such an idiot!”  

Kyo continued to stare, dumbfounded, but Yuki’s features softened in understanding. “I think Kureno finally told her about... you know,” he explained, voice just above a whisper.  

“Ohhh,” replied Kyo. “But wait... why’re you sorry?"  

“I always made fun of your hair! And the cats! I didn’t realize...” she started crying loudly.  

“Shhhh!” Kyo reached over the table to press a hand to her mouth, looking around to make sure they hadn’t been overheard. “Can we talk about it after?” he hissed.  

She nodded, and Kyo removed his hand.  

“As I was saying,” Yuki continued, “the garden ought to be somewhere we can all visit as often as we’d like, but there’s no land currently available for purchase that would be suitable for such a garden.”  

“What are the alternatives?” Saki queried.  

“Option one is to wait until land becomes available. The benefit of waiting would be the possibility of finding an ideal plot. The downside would be that it could take decades, or longer, and we may have been priced out by then, or we may not be able to continue the search for that long.”  

"What else?” Kyo pressed. “That option’s shit.”  

“Noted,” Yuki replied dryly. “Option two is to expand our search further away, although I’ve already shared my thoughts on that.”  

“Okay, then what else?” Arisa demanded, finding her voice once more.  

“The last option would be to change the nature of the project slightly. Perhaps instead of a formal garden, we could have a plot at the school managed by the gardening club,” he suggested.  

“All of these are shit!” Kyo grumbled.  

“Believe it or not, I agree,” Yuki muttered.  

“So what is there to do about it?” Saki inquired.  

“Well, that’s why I was hoping we could talk tonight. Perhaps there’s a possibility I’ve overlooked, or one of you might be able to find a plot of available land that I missed. I was hoping you might be able to help me find a better solution.”  

“Hang on...” Kyo interrupted. “Is there a reason we’re not just using land the family already owns?”  

“You know the reason,” Yuki hissed, glaring at him.  

“Yuki-kun, does it involve Akito?” Saki asked gently.  

Yuki nodded, paling.  

“Aa-chan and I have become rather close. Would it help if I spoke with her?”  

Yuki stared, confused on many counts. Saki was close with Akito? Close enough to use a cutesy nickname? And... wait, did she say, ‘with her?’  

“I apologize, Yuki-kun. I realize that was a lot of new information. Yes, Akito is female. We met at the hospital, which I believe Kyo already told you. I have been visiting her occasionally since then, and we have become good friends.”  

Yuki continued staring, not realizing that he had started to tremble. “Ex.. Excuse... me...” he choked out as he dashed out of the restaurant.  

“Oh dear,” Saki frowned. “That was not the reaction I was expecting.”  

“Akito's relationship with Yuki was... worse than most,” Kyo explained. “I’ll go check on him,” he decided, standing up from the booth and rushing after Yuki.  

“Do you know what that was?” Arisa asked once Kyo had disappeared out the door.  

“Unfortunately, I believe I do,” Saki fretted, wringing her hands.  

“Yuki?” Kyo called out, eyes scanning the side street outside the restaurant.  

No answer.  

He started walking in the direction he’d seen Yuki run, listening and looking for any sign of his cousin. Reaching the corner, he looked both ways, willing his senses to find any indication of where Yuki might have gone.  

His answer came when he saw a glint of silvery hair behind a concrete planter, about halfway down the block to his right. He jogged over, steps light, and knelt beside Yuki, who was on his hands and knees, breathing shallow and fast. “Hey, it’s just me. I’m just making sure you’re okay.” Kyo spoke in his softest, most gentle voice.  

Yuki didn’t react to Kyo’s voice suggesting they go somewhere more comfortable, nor to the firm touch of Kyo’s hand around his arm, lifting him to his feet. He didn’t resist when Kyo started guiding him down another block and into a courtyard, pushing down on his shoulders until he was seated on a bench.  

He eventually realized Kyo was next to him, rubbing slow circles on his shoulder and counting forwards and backwards from ten. He heard Kyo start again, “Now in, two, three, four...” and willed himself to breathe in time with the counting, feeling his heartbeat start to slow and his hands steady themselves.  

He noticed Kyo turn around and mutter to someone, giving them his wallet, his other hand still rubbing large shapes on his back. He sat up and turned to Kyo.  

“Quick, tell me five things you see,” Kyo said, voice still gentle.  

Yuki looked at his surroundings. “Um... I see you. The bench. The lamp. That door,” he pointed across the courtyard, “and that tree.”  

“Good,” Kyo responded. “Now, name four things you can feel.”  

Yuki closed his eyes and noticed the different sensations in his body. “This bench. Your hand. My clothes. The ground.”  

“Good. Three things you can hear?”  

Yuki listened, eyes closed. “A car going by. Your voice. Wind chimes.”  

“Two things you can smell?”  

Yuki took a deep breath through his nose, eyes closed. “Exhaust fumes. Seafood.”  

“One thing you can taste?”  

“Pickled ginger,” Yuki answered, his last bite at the sushi restaurant still on his tongue.  

“How are you feeling now?” Kyo asked, concerned.  

“Better. Thanks.” Yuki’s breathing was almost back to normal, and he no longer felt an overwhelming sense of panic. “Where did you learn that?” he asked, voice trembling only slightly.  

“Oh, uh... Dad used to do that for me when... when I would remember stuff,” Kyo replied, blushing.  

“I didn’t know you got them, too,” Yuki said, bending at the waist and hugging his knees.  

“Yeah, well... it’s not like I would’ve let you see them...” Kyo muttered. “But seriously,” he added, voice softening, “I don’t think it’s just you and me. Probably most of us get them.” He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.  

Yuki sat up. Why hadn’t he ever realized that he wasn’t the only one? “Do you still get them?” he asked, turning to Kyo.  

“It’s been a long time,” Kyo admitted, “But some things are harder than others. You know... train crossings, some intersections, cars going too fast or that look like they might go out of control. And I haven’t been to a cliff since...” he trailed off, looking away. “Nowadays, it’s mostly when I sleep.”  

Yuki took a deep breath. “It’s been a while for me, too. Last time was November, I think.”  

“What happened then?” Kyo asked. “I mean, if you wanna talk about it.”  

“It’s fine. I got locked in a dark storage closet at school and knocked over some paint. It reminded me of that dark room with Akito painting everything black. Machi had to break down the door with a chair,” he grinned remembering Machi’s dramatic rescue.  

“Damn, I’m impressed! She did that for you before you were even together!”  

“I know,” Yuki smiled. “Then Kakeru took me outside for some fresh air and we talked, kind of like this.”  

“I like her,” Kyo said. “Machi. She’s cool. I’m glad you have her.”  

“Yeah,” Yuki replied. He looked at Kyo. “I think I’m ready to go back. Thank you for helping me.”  

“Actually, we just paid, but we can get takeout from that gyoza place on our way back if you’re still hungry,” Arisa said, appearing beside them and handing Kyo his wallet.  

“Please, allow me. I’m sorry I cut our dinner short,” Yuki stood, smiling.  

“Don’t be silly, Yun,” Arisa replied. “We’ll split it, just like dinner. Speaking of, you owe Kyon here fifteen-hundred yen.”  

“It's cool,” mumbled Kyo. “You can just get my share of the dumplings.”  

Saki was hanging back, looking troubled. “Yuki-kun, I apologize for bringing up such a painful topic tonight. I won’t mention it again.”  

“There's no need to apologize,” Yuki said, reaching out to take Saki’s hands in his own. “You offered to help, and I think your suggestion was a good one. Why don’t you speak with Akito-san about a location for the garden, and let me know what he- I mean, what she says.”  

Saki studied him closely before nodding in response.  

“Well, we certainly have a lot to talk about tonight!” Arisa exclaimed, putting one arm around Saki and another over Yuki’s shoulders, steering the group toward the gyoza restaurant.  

Chapter Text

When they arrived back at the dojo, they sat in Kyo’s room, takeout containers spread on the floor between them.  

“So, can we finally talk about the curse?” Arisa wanted to know.  

“Sure,” said Kyo.  

“What exactly did Kureno tell you?” Yuki inquired.  

“Well, he told me the basics, like how it’s based on the old Zodiac story, and y’all would transform into animals when girls would hug you. He told me a lot about his own curse. He said he was the rooster and his broke early but he doesn’t know why, while everyone else’s broke this summer. He said his form was a sparrow, not a rooster, and apparently he wasn’t the only one whose animal form was a little off. He told me he stayed with Akito because she was just a scared kid to him when his curse broke, and when he saw how afraid she was of losing him, he couldn’t bring himself to abandon her.”  

“Wait,” said Yuki. “How old was he when his curse broke?”  

“He said he was in high school, so probably sixteen or seventeen. You... you okay there, Yun?”  

Yuki appeared as though he had just realized something important. “Yes, I’ll explain later. Please, continue.”  

“Well, that’s just about it. He met up with Tohru around New Year’s, ‘cause she kept trying to get him to come see me. He told her all of this, so she would understand why he couldn’t.”  

“Yes, that was the night of our nightgown festival,” Saki added.  

“Oh, that was the day she lost her scarf.” Kyo remembered that day vividly. “She was out talkin’ to him?”  

“Yeah. Apparently that was the third or fourth time they met.”  

“We saw them meet at the beach house,” Yuki reminded him.  

“Then she snuck into the estate once,” Arisa added. “I had no idea she was doing all this for me. I mean, I found out some of it at our pajama party-”  

“Nightgown festival,” Saki corrected.  

“Whatever you named it,” Arisa chuckled, “oh, and he told me she was working with Blondie- you know, that younger cousin of yours who got taller this spring?”  

“Momiji,” Kyo and Yuki supplied his name in unison.  

“Yeah, apparently Momiji’s the one who helped her find him when she snuck in to the estate, and he’s the one who gave Kureno the DVD of our play.”  

“What’s a DVD?” Kyo asked.  

Yuki pinched his forehead, barely suppressing a smirk. “I swear, it’s like you’ve been living under a rock, Kyo.”  

“Shut up,” Kyo rolled his eyes.  

“He also said that the four oldest members of the Zodiac were the only ones who knew Akito was a girl. Apparently they had a dream when she was conceived, but her mom made everyone pretend she was a boy and threatened to abort her if they told anyone.”  

“Wow...” said Kyo. “So even Akito had shitty parents.”  

“That’s sadly common among the Zodiac,” Yuki explained to Saki and Arisa.  

“Anyway, now I get why you both were so weird about hugs! He also told me Tohru was trying to break the curse. I’m guessing that’s what had you so down, Kyon – it broke but Tohru’s not here to see it.”  

“Yeah, that’s what was going on with me.”  

“And it sounds like he told you everything,” Yuki said. “We didn’t even know most of that.”  

“Not everything,” Kyo added. Yuki looked at him, surprised, before he nodded in understanding.  

“Okay, what did he leave out?” Arisa demanded.  

“Well, the cat’s not a member of the Zodiac, right? So, my curse had some extra ...layers. For one, I was supposed to be locked away for life after we graduate.”  

Arisa gasped, clasping a hand to her mouth.  

“And believe it or not, I was lucky to have until graduation. It was tradition for the cat to be confined even earlier. And two, I had another, much worse, transformation.” Kyo swallowed. “They called it the cat’s true form . It was a horrible, ugly monster, and I wore those beads to contain it. It smelled awful, like rotting flesh, and taking that form was the most painful thing I ever experienced. It was like I was being melted down and broken apart, then jammed back together all wrong. Tohru saw it once. I only took that form five times, I think. They tell me the first time it happened was when I was a newborn. Can you imagine giving birth, then immediately watching your kid become a disgusting creature? No wonder my mom...” He shook his head, stopping that train of thought.  

“Anyway, the first time I can remember was the first time Akito summoned me. The staff said it was part of the duties of the family head and god of the Zodiac to experience all our forms, even that .” He drew a long breath. “Then there was the time at the playground with Kagura, and then they made me transform in front of my dad when he took me in; something about him needing to know what he was signing up for.” He shook his head. “They probably just didn’t want me getting the idea I deserved a good home. The last time it happened was when Tohru was there. My dad took my beads to show me that... that...” he broke off, gasping for air as his memory of the day overwhelmed him.  

“Shihan wanted Kyo to see that Tohru accepted all of him,” Yuki finished for Kyo, who nodded, drying his eyes. “Kagura and I were there, too. I could tell it was different than when you became a cat, or when I became a rat. It looked excruciating.”  

“It was. And... and she did,” Kyo added. “Tohru was scared, but she stayed with me, even though I smelled disgusting and looked like something straight out of a nightmare. That night... that was how she got those scars on her shoulder. From me. My claws. I... I hurt her.” He shook his head again, shame threatening to swallow him whole.  

“You were trying to scare her off, weren’t you?” Arisa asked, voice gentle.  

Kyo nodded as his gut twisted with guilt.  

“Kyon... we’ve been over this. We all tried to scare her off,” she tried to soothe him.  

“But none of you left a scar!” he roared. “None of you said you were gonna slash her face off if she ever came near you again!”  

“Kyo, did you even notice her scars when we were at the beach house?” Yuki asked, voice firm yet gentle.  

“...No.”  

“None of us did. They weren’t as big as you’re remembering them. You probably have a dozen worse scars from me,” Yuki couldn’t help the cocky smile that came to his face.  

“I still shouldn’t’ve ever hurt her...” Kyo moaned.  

“I believe I remember a distinct change in all of your waves last year, shortly before summer break,” Saki interjected. “Was this around the time she saw you take this form?”  

Kyo and Yuki both nodded.  

“Kyo-kun, I believe it would help if you knew what I saw when you all returned to school,” she said.  

“Fine,” Kyo grumbled.  

“Yuki-kun, you were confused about something that had happened between the two of them. You took it rather hard.”  

“That’s true. That was when I realized I didn’t see her romantically, like I thought I was supposed to,” Yuki confirmed.  

“And Kyo-kun, you were the closest to happy I’d ever seen you. It was like you were finally able to accept yourself.”  

Kyo nodded. “Only ‘cause she accepted me.”  

“But she felt fully accepted by you , because you finally revealed to her the part of yourself you were most afraid for her to see. That was the moment that guaranteed you two would fall so deeply in love.”  

Kyo was stunned at what he was hearing, but Saki wasn’t finished. “Because of that, you became the person she trusted more than anyone. She could take off her mask for you in a way she couldn’t for anyone else. Even us,” she gestured at herself and Arisa. “After that night, her waves were less guarded around you. She felt safest with you after going through that experience together. She knew she didn’t have to pretend with you; she knew she could tell you if something was bothering her. You know she always had such a hard time admitting when she was anything less than happy.”  

Yuki, Arisa, and Kyo all nodded in recognition. Tohru was determined to smile, even when she was lonely, sad, or scared.  

“A scrape or two is nothin’ when you help heal that level of emotional repression,” Arisa added, softly knocking Kyo on the shoulder.  

“I think what Arisa means is that there are different kinds of safety, different ways to help someone feel safe,” Yuki suggested. “Tohru trusted you, and she knew you would never seriously injure her. You were always so protective of her – you worried when she was alone, and you’d find her when she was hurting. Even when you gave her that scar, you believed you were trying to prevent her from even worse pain in the future. She understood that; we all do. But you were the only one who truly gave her a safe place to express her worries and fears. You shouldn’t discount how important that was.”  

“Yuki-kun is correct. That was what she needed most, and she found it in you.”  

Kyo shook with emotion. ”Thanks. I know you’ve told me this before... maybe one day I’ll believe it. I’m trying not to blame myself for everything all the time, but it’s hard.”  

“It takes time,” Yuki said, thinking of his own self-esteem issues.  

“So... you were gonna be locked up, and you had a third form,” Arisa listed. ”Anything else we should know about the cat?”  

Kyo took a deep breath. “Well, my role as the cat was to be the outcast of the family, so the Zodiac could look down on me and feel like maybe their own situation wasn’t so bad. I... I went my entire life thinking I could never have a future, that I was an irredeemable monster. After my mom killed herself,” he paused as Arisa gasped once more. “Oh... yeah. My mom stepped in front of a train right in front of me because she was ashamed of giving birth to a monster. My ... birth father and the rest of the family blamed me for her death. My real dad took me in after that. I wasn’t even five years old.”  

“Kyo...” Arisa began, tears pouring down her face.  

“Oh, there’s more...” he replied bitterly. “And I don’t think you’re gonna like it.” He took a deep breath. “I also knew Kyoko, and I was there when she died.”  

Arisa gasped yet again. Yuki and Saki quietly listened as, for the fifth time, Kyo told the story of how he’d met Kyoko, what happened the day of the accident, and what Kyoko’s last words had been. “And, uh... that’s what I was telling Tohru the morning she died.”  

“Kyo...” Arisa repeated. “I’m so sorry!” She flung her arms around him, shaking with sobs. “That’s so awful!”  

Kyo winced. “Please... don’t pity me. I can't stand that.”  

Arisa released him with a frown, trying to understand his response.  

“Sorry," Kyo added. “I just... I really hate being pitied. I’ve had enough of that.”  

“I don’t pity you,” she insisted. “Any human being with half a heart would be appalled to hear any of the stuff you went through. But... I get it,” she added, voice softening. “Back when I was active, any kindness felt like pity. After my mom left, my pops was always drunk. He’s a lot better now, but home sucked for a long time. You all know I pushed Tohru and Kyoko away at first. I didn’t think I belonged anywhere with that much love. I couldn’t believe that they genuinely liked me, so I assumed they thought I was some charity project or somethin’. I’ve seen some shit... and done some shit... beat people half to death, and had the shit kicked out of me more times than I can remember. But damn, dude. You’re strong as hell to be where you are right now. I’m proud of you, Kyon-nii. Thanks for sharing all that.”  

Kyo felt the dam break, tears flooding his vision. That was the best response he could have hoped for. “Thanks, Arisa. It... it’s a relief to tell you. And... you’ve always kinda been like a sister to me, too.” He blushed at the admission, and she gave him an affectionate shove.  

“There’s... there’s one more thing,” he continued, wiping his eyes and looking at the floor. “It’s... I haven’t really told anyone this yet, but Saki kind of figured it out back when... the day she...” he closed his eyes. “But I think I gotta tell you this, if I wanna keep getting better.” He took a deep breath to steel himself. “I... wasn’t planning to stick around after Tohru was buried. I was just gonna make sure she went to her final resting place and then, uh... I was gonna join her. It’s... not the first time I’ve felt like that. I’ve probably spent most of my life feeling like dying was the best thing I could do.” He swallowed, looking around at his closest friends, including his former rival. “I almost did, after Kyoko died. I really, really didn’t want to live anymore, and I only survived ‘cause my dad took me to live in the mountains for four months, and he tried to get me to hope again. But I wasn’t strong enough. I had to use hatred to keep living, hatred I directed at Yuki. I blamed him, just like the rest of the family blamed me. And if Tohru hadn’t come after me that day I transformed... I probably would’ve never come home. Tohru... she helped me find real reasons to live. She was my reason, you know? And you guys... you’ve helped me keep going now that she’s gone.”  

“Kyon-nii, I’m really glad you’re still here,” Arisa said, drying her eyes.  

Kyo dabbed at his own eyes. “Me too, even though it’s still so hard without her.”  

“I think she’d be happy to see us all together right now,” Yuki said gently, placing a hand on Kyo’s shoulder.  

“Oh, she’s definitely smiling somewhere,” Arisa grinned.   

Kyo took Yuki’s hand and squeezed it. “I wish she’d gotten to see us like this.”  

Yuki nodded, thinking about what Tohru would say if she could see them now.  

As Saki sensed the impending spiral, she spoke up. “If we’re all sharing, I believe Yuki-kun is the only one who doesn’t know I almost killed a boy in elementary school.”  

Yuki cocked his head. “That’s true, I did not know that.”  

“Yes, it was before I could control my powers. He was tormenting me, and I wished for him to die. Thankfully, he only temporarily lost consciousness, but I never wanted to hurt anyone with my powers again.”  

Arisa raised an eyebrow. “And what about his rabid fan club?” she asked, gesturing at Yuki.  

“Well... at least not too badly,” Saki amended with a grin, earning a chuckle from the rest. She continued, “I was constantly bullied- quite viciously, too- until I met you and Tohru,” she said to Arisa. “That boy, the day I hurt him, he forced me to eat a live newt. He held me down, and had another boy shove it into my mouth. Then he teased me for what he made me do. I thought he was a horrible person, but I was no better. Later, a group of students burned my arm with a match to try and make me hurt them. I still have the scar. My classmates started blaming me for every little thing that went wrong. If someone tripped, they assumed I made them fall. That was when my family decided to move away.”  

“Saki...” Arisa cried. “You never told me all this.”  

“It wasn’t important anymore,” she said. “Not once I had you and Tohru.”  

Arisa crushed her in a tight embrace. “If anyone ever tries to hurt you again, I’ll kill them.”  

"Not if I kill ‘em first,” Kyo grunted, fists shaking with rage. “Most of us got bullied ‘cause of our hair and eyes being such weird colors, but that’s gotta be the worst I ever heard.”  

Saki’s eyes overflowed as Arisa released her. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m truly so grateful to have friends like you. Now that I can control my powers, I am fully capable of handling any would-be tormenters myself, but I do appreciate your care.”  

“Tohru was bullied, too,” Yuki said. “I heard her telling Kisa about it back when Kisa stopped talking.”  

“Oh, that sweet girlie? Why are people so awful?” Arisa slammed her fist into the tatami floor.  

“Yes... I won’t tell you Kisa’s story, as that’s hers to share with whomever she chooses, but Tohru said she was also bullied by boys when she was in elementary school. I think your friendship was as important to her as hers was to you,” Yuki said to Arisa and Saki, who were both crying. “Which, I believe, brings us to my story,” he said, putting his chopsticks down on the empty take-out tray. “My parents sold me to Akito-san when we were both children. Being the rat of the Zodiac, I was considered ‘closest to god,’ in the highest position after Akito-san. At first, he- I mean, she would have tantrums like any other child, but one day, she changed. I believe this was when Kureno's curse broke. She began tormenting me. It went on for years. I’d be locked in a dark room all alone, or ...she would tell me horrible things about myself. Hearing such things... day in and day out... for years, never interacting with another soul except when Haru would sneak in to check on me... my body became frail and I lost the will to live. One day, I ran away from the compound, and I was able to help a little lost girl find her way home. That day saved my life – I learned many years later this girl was Honda-san.”  

“That was you? She told us about that!” Arisa exclaimed. “That’s why you put the hat in her coffin!”  

“What’s even more wild,” Kyo said, “that hat was actually mine first. I told Yuki I didn’t want it back after he’d touched it, ‘cause I was a little shit.”  

“To be fair, you had good reason to be a little shit,” Yuki retorted with a smirk. Kyo grinned and aimed a light punch at his shoulder, which Yuki blocked with ease.  

“Curse is gone, and I still can’t beat you, damn rat,” Kyo chuckled at himself.  

Yuki let out a hearty laugh before his face turned serious again. “That day gave me hope and a sense of purpose. But I eventually fell back into the darkness. It was Haru who got Shigure to take me in.” Yuki paused, considering his next words. “I mentioned earlier that I didn’t see Honda-san romantically. To me, she was like the mother I never had. She raised me into the man I am now. I wanted to tell her after we graduated, but I’ll never have that chance. It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but it’s the truth.”  

“There’s nothing embarrassing about that at all, Yuki-kun. Tohru viewed Arisa and me as her surrogate parents.”  

“Really? But how do you-”  

“Waves, damn rat. Sometimes it’s like you live under a damn rock!”  

Everyone laughed as Kyo threw Yuki’s earlier words back at him.  

“Guys... can you promise you’ll talk to us if it ever gets that dark again?” Arisa asked, eyes brimming with tears.  

Kyo and Yuki both nodded. “Same goes for you two,” Kyo grunted, fixing the girls with a serious gaze. “I’d never forgive myself if... you know...” he trailed off.  

“All right, we promise,” Arisa smiled, satisfied with their response.  

“Yuki-kun, would it be all right if I told you why I decided to befriend Aa-chan?” Saki asked anxiously.  

Yuki nodded.  

“I was able to sense dear Tohru’s waves at the end. She had many things she wanted to say to Kyo-kun, which I relayed to him, but she also had a message for Aa-chan. She didn’t want her to cry or to blame herself. She considered Aa-chan a friend and, given that Tohru accepted me after learning I had almost killed someone, I felt it would be in Tohru’s spirit to extend my own friendship to Aa-chan. She did tell me some of what she’s done, and I believe she is trying to become a kinder person and wants to atone for her prior cruelty. It is complicated, knowing that the people she hurt so badly are also such close friends of mine, but I believe that Tohru saw how Aa-chan was hurt by the curse, too, and by her role in the Zodiac. I know that if Tohru were still alive, they would be friends. In my own friendship with Aa-chan, I sense Tohru’s presence. It helps me feel all the ways she is still part of my life.” Saki clasped her hands together over her heart. “I recognize that your own relationships with her are quite likely too broken for repair, and I won’t discuss her anymore in your presence except to share updates on the garden.”  

“I understand. Thank you for telling me this, Saki,” Yuki smiled.  

“So, looks like it’s all out in the open, isn’t it?” Arisa grinned. “I’m guessing most of the Sohmas we’ve met know about the curse, too?”  

“Yes, many of them were cursed as well,” replied Yuki.  

“Hmm... I believe I know who was cursed,” Saki said. “Haru and Momiji from school, Shigure, Mayu-sensei's boyfriend, Yuki-kun's brother, Kagura, Rin, Kisa, Hiro, and that beautiful man in the furisode from Tohru’s funeral.”  

“Ritsu. Yes – how did you know?” Yuki asked.  

“Your waves were different – there was a non-human quality to them.”  

Yuki and Kyo shifted uncomfortably.  

“Please don’t misunderstand me,” Saki clarified. “This non-human quality was in addition to your human waves, not in their place. Knowing what I do now about the curse, I believe they were of the Zodiac spirits which possessed you. Now that the curse has broken, those have disappeared, and most of your waves seem less... burdened.”  

“That... actually is better,” Yuki acknowledged.  

“Lighter... that’s how you described it when I told you,” Kyo remembered.  

“So we know the cat, the rat, the bird, and the god,” Arisa commented. “You call Shigure ‘that damn dog,’ so I guess that's who he is.  

Kyo frowned. “I... dunno if it’s our place to tell you about the others.”  

Yuki shrugged. “I think we can confirm if they guess correctly.”  

Kyo agreed. “Okay, yeah, he’s the dog."  

“Haru has that unusual black and white hair,” Saki mused. ”Perhaps he's the ox?"  

"That’s one of the more obvious ones,” Yuki grinned.  

“Momiji is so energetic. Is he the monkey?” Arisa asked.  

"Nope.”  

“Oh! I know! He’s always carrying around that backpack shaped like a rabbit – that must be his animal!”  

"There you go.”  

“Hmmm... Yuki-kun, your brother has very striking eyes. He must be the snake.”  

“Yes, Ayame is the snake.”  

“And Kisa has orange hair... is she the tiger?”  

"That was another easy one,” Kyo scoffed.  

“So, we still need to figure out the monkey, dragon, horse, ram, and boar,” Arisa listed.  

“Kagura must be the boar,” Saki mused.  

Kyo responded with a snort as Yuki nodded, chuckling.  

“Monkey, dragon, horse, and ram. Rin, Hiro, Mayu-sensei's boyfriend, and the beautiful man named Ritsu,” Saki listed.  

“Hiro’s gotta be the ram,” Arisa laughed. “Hmm...I think Rin might be the horse?”  

“You're too good at this!” Kyo complained.  

“That leaves Mayu-sensei's boyfriend-”  

“Hatori,” Yuki interjected.  

“Hatori, yes, and Ritsu. Ritsu seemed quite timid, so I doubt he would be the dragon, which means he’s the monkey, and Hatori is the dragon.”  

“Wow, you got everyone,” Yuki commented. “I did not expect that to go so quickly.”  

“They had an advantage,” Kyo grumbled.  

“Who else knows about the curse?” Saki asked. “The only other Sohmas we’ve met are Kazuma, Kisa’s mom, and Hiro’s mom, so they must all know.”  

“Yeah, all the Sohmas you’ve met know. My dad, his grandfather was the cat before me."  

“Outside of the family, I think my brother’s fiancée knows, though he hasn’t confirmed that. Machi found out this summer, and I’ll probably tell Kakeru soon.”  

“...which means Naka-chan will know, too,” Arisa added.  

“I wonder if Hatori told Mayu-sensei yet,” Kyo wondered aloud.  

“Do you think you’ll tell your friends?” Yuki asked Kyo.  

“Probably not. We’re not close like that. I guess if Yusuke ever asks Kagura out, that might change things.”  

“For a while, Tohru was the only outsider who was allowed to know about the curse,” Yuki explained. “I don’t think that’s technically changed, but it’s different now that the curse is broken. It used to be that Hatori would erase the memories of those who found out about the curse.”  

“Wait, he can erase memories?!”  

“He says it’s more of a strong hypnosis, but yes. He erased the memories of my first friends after I accidentally transformed in front of them. They didn’t even remember meeting me.”  

“That’s awful! Why would he do that to you?”  

“None of us could go against Akito. That was the curse; we were bound to the will of our god. He had to erase his own fiancée’s memory of him.”  

“Whoah. That’s... dark,” Arisa acknowledged.  

“Yeah. Akito wouldn’t let any of us date. That‘s why Rin and Kisa got hurt, ‘cause Akito knew Haru and Hiro loved them. I was terrified of what she’d do to Tohru if...” Kyo trailed off, shaking his head. “And it wasn’t just having to do everything she said. Her words cut us deeper, too.”  

“That’s true. When I was in that room...” Yuki shuddered. “I don’t know if those words will ever leave me.”  

“When she summoned me at the beach house,” Kyo said, “that was when I realized I was in love. She told me I was a monster with no right to fall in love, and that Tohru was a monster, too, ‘cause only a monster would love a monster. I had to tell her I didn't love Tohru, that I hated her. Like I could ever hate Tohru.”  

“You know, she asked me about that,” Yuki shared. “After she left you, she asked if I believed that you hated Honda-san.”  

“What did you say?” Kyo demanded.  

“I told her you probably did,” Yuki said. “As much as I hated you, I didn’t want Honda-san to get hurt, either."  

“Dude... uh, thanks,” Kyo muttered. “Aaargh, this is all so fucked up! We had to play these dumb mind games just to protect innocent people from our stupid family.”  

Yuki suddenly gasped. “I can’t believe I forgot!”  

“Forgot what?" Kyo and Arisa chimed in unison.  

“I told you the last panic attack I had was in November,” he said to Kyo. “I actually had one... never mind,” he looked away, turning bright red.  

“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy!” Arisa laughed. ”Now you’ve gotta tell us!”  

“I had one... with Machi.”  

“Oh, you mean with Machi,” Arisa grinned, raising an eyebrow.  

“Huh?” Kyo asked, completely oblivious.  

“It’s okay, I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Arisa teased.  

“I transformed at her apartment a little over a month ago. That was not how I wanted her to find out,” Yuki groaned.  

“Must’ve been a real mood killer,” Arisa smirked.  

“Ohh,” Kyo exclaimed, turning redder than Yuki.  

“Hey, he figured it out!” Arisa laughed.  

“Shut up!” Kyo yelled.  

“To be fair, Arisa, these two have very good reason to be so clueless about love,” Saki added, eyes twinkling.  

“Hey!” Kyo and Yuki complained in unison.  

“Nah, she’s right. I won’t tease you about that anymore,” Arisa promised.  

“I was so afraid her memories would be erased. What you said about playing these mind games,” he looked at Kyo, “it reminded me.”  

“You had to be really brave to try and have a relationship, huh?” Arisa observed.  

“I guess so,” Yuki acknowledged. “But most of us did, anyway.”  

“Connection is a basic human need,” Saki stated. “From what you’ve shared, it sounds like the curse itself wasn’t the only barrier to connection that you faced.”  

“It’s like you said,” Kyo turned to Yuki. “You don’t need an ancient curse to have a shit family.”  

“It just helps,” Yuki replied, earning a dark laugh from the group.  

“Like we said earlier, most of us have pretty fucked up families. Kagura and Hiro seem to be the only ones with decent parents out of all of us,” Kyo grumbled. “I mean... decent birth parents. My dad is great, too, I just wish I could’ve come to live with him sooner.” He gasped as he realized the implication of his words. “I mean... not that I wish my mom had... gah!”  

“We understand, Kyo-kun,” Saki smiled. “You wish you could have had Kazuma in your life from the beginning, not that your mother had died earlier.”  

“Kureno isn’t close with his parents, either,” Arisa shared. “It sounds like his mom was nice enough, but I think he’s ready to be far away from all this Sohma shit.”  

“It sounds like Kisa and her mother have been able to heal somewhat,” Yuki added. “That always gives me hope. Like what Tohru’s grandpa said about her dad. They were able to reconcile after being estranged for years.”  

“I didn’t know that,” Saki remarked.  

“She never talked about her dad much,” Kyo shrugged. “I asked her about him once. It was hard for her to talk about him. She was so young when he died... she thought he was gonna take her mom away, too. That’s why she talked the way she did – to try and keep her mom alive by mimicking her dad and how formal he was. It... it was so stupid,” he said affectionately. “She must’ve thought so hard to come up with that. She felt like a fraud for copying him, like her whole personality was built on a lie.”  

“She said something like that to me once,” Yuki remembered. “Something about only being kind so people would like her. She really had no idea how remarkable she was.”  

“Yeah,” Kyo agreed. “Kyoko told me about this, back when I was a kid. I knew it helped her. She loved Tohru so much,” he sniffled. “Her grandpa told me that her other family said horrible things at her dad’s funeral, right in front of her. Comments about how she must be someone else’s kid, since she looked nothing like her dad. Of course, they all hated Kyoko, too. People think kids don’t understand, but they do.”  

“Wow,” Arisa commented. “We had no idea about all this.”  

“It’s bittersweet, learning new things about her now that she’s gone,” Saki mused. “One the one hand, it gives us a more complete picture to remember her by...”  

“...but on the other, it’s like a piece of her you’ll never fully know, because it’s all second- or third hand,” Kyo finished. “We only learned about her dad's estrangement from her grandpa once we started visiting him. You should come with us sometime. We go Saturday afternoons.”  

“We would love to join you,” Saki smiled.  

“Yeah, thanks,” Arisa agreed.  

“Hey, it’s getting late,” Arisa said, glancing at Kyo’s alarm clock. “We should probably head over to your place soon, Saki.”  

“Hang on, let us walk you over at least,” Kyo protested, seeing the time.  

“Unfortunately, I do not live within walking distance,” Saki responded.  

“Maybe Kunimitsu can drive you both over?” Kyo suggested.  

“I believe he’s already sleeping,” Yuki said.  

“I just don’t like the idea of you being out late at night like this,” Kyo scowled.  

“Aw, he still cares about us!” Arisa gave him a playful punch. “You know we can handle ourselves, right Kyon?”  

Kyo frowned. “That’s not-”  

“Arisa, you brought your uniform with you, correct?” Saki interrupted.  

“Yeah, why?”  

“I’ve started bringing an overnight bag with me when I sense the potential for long or difficult conversations,” Saki smiled. “I believe there are spare rooms here at the dojo?”  

“Yeah, you guys should stay. Let me tell my dad; you go call your family. And make sure she’s on the call, too!” Kyo pointed at Arisa. “Your mom wouldn’t like it if she thought you were the only girl.” He strode out the door to speak with Kazuma.  

“He always like this?” Arisa asked Yuki as she and Saki stood.  

“Yes,” Yuki replied with a smirk. “Like you said, he cares about you.”  

“He really is the big brother I never had,” Arisa chuckled, following Saki out the door to call her family.  

Chapter Text

The next morning, Kyo awoke before the sun as usual. He immediately set off on his morning run, enjoying the late summer air as he wound through the city blocks near the estate. He took a quick shower upon his return and began prepping breakfast for everyone, mentally calculating how much he’d need to cook to feed the five residents and two guests.  

He started the rice cooker and gathered the sides. Thankfully, there was leftover tamagoyaki in the fridge, and they had plenty of instant miso on hand, so he only had to steam the broccoli and grill the fish. He made the sauces while the rice cooked, and Saki and Arisa showed up just as he was putting the salmon in the oven.  

“So domestic, Kyon! What can we do to help?”  

“One of you make tea, one of you set the table.”  

They got right to work, Arisa putting the kettle on for tea and Saki bringing dishes to the chabudai. While the water boiled, Arisa brought the natto, tamagoyaki, pickles, seaweed, and rice to the table.  

While the fish was in the oven, Kyo quickly steamed the broccoli, then spooned a sesame dressing over the top. Saki took it to the table once he was finished, while Arisa prepared the tea.  

“Oi, Arisa, can you boil more water for the soup?”  

“On it!”  

Kyo got the salmon out of the oven, and he and Saki started plating servings for everyone.  

“Good morning, Kyo, Saki, Arisa,” Kazuma greeted his son and guests warmly as he strode in from the direction of the classroom.  

“Morning.”  

“Yo.”  

“Good morning, Master Kazuma.”  

“Ooh, smells good in here!” Kunimitsu exclaimed, following behind Kazuma.  

Just then, they heard a loud thud .  

“Must be Yuki,” Kyo snickered.