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The blue teapot had Theo’s full attention. He hadn’t been able to look at anything else but it for the last half an hour, something that he was sure Pansy had noticed, but she had been nice enough not to mention it. She was probably annoyed with him for being so rude when she hadn’t even invited him here in the first place - he had invited himself and then hadn’t spoken to her.
She’d been a good sport about it so far, at least, though if he knew his best friend as well as he thought he did then she was no doubt close to the end of her tether. He knew that he had to speak to her soon or he was going to find himself unceremoniously kicked out - and he would deserve it.
He poured himself another cup of tea and allowed the aromas of the Earl Grey to clear his head before he finally allowed his eyes to find her. She was staring at him, and had no doubt been watching him the entire time, her temper slowly boiling, and he couldn’t help but be proud of the self control that she had displayed as she had tried to wait him out.
“Going to tell me what’s going on with you?” She asked as he met her gaze.
Theo tensed for a moment, his hands clasping a little more tightly around his cup. He wished that he could disappear into the liquid, that he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone about the weird emotions that were filling him, that had been slowly trickling in for some time now. He didn’t even really know how to explain it but he knew that he needed to talk to someone about how he was feeling.
“I… I think I’m lonely.” Theo said quietly. He knew that wasn’t even the best way to describe what was going on with him, but he didn’t have the right words to do it.
“Lonely?” Pansy repeated, as if the word was new to her. “How can you be lonely?”
“I don’t know.” Theo admitted, a soft sigh escaping him before he took a sip of his tea to calm his own nerves. “I don’t understand it either. I think… I think I’m craving some sort of intimacy that I’ve not had since we -”
“Since we slept together, you mean?” Pansy asked slowly, an eyebrow raised. She was clearly judging him, clearly mad at him. He had been the one to call off that particular arrangement. “I thought you said you never wanted to fuck anyone ever again?”
Theo paused for a moment as he tried to pick the right words to convey exactly what he needed her to hear, but he didn’t think that he could without hurting her feelings in some shape or form. “I think… I don’t want to fuck anyone but maybe I want to be fucked?”
"By a man?" Pansy's voice had gone up an octave, just barely noticeable but as her best friend, it was Theo's job to know the differences in her inflections.
"Maybe?" There was so much about himself that Theo didn't know, but he wanted to learn and he knew that if anyone could help him, it had to be her. "I'm not entirely sure. I just… I need to try something . And I'm truly sorry that we're having this conversation, Pans. I know how uncomfortable this must be for you - it's uncomfortable for me too, if that's any consolation."
"I'm not in love with you, you know." Pansy said, a soft laugh escaping her. "I'm not hurt or anything by you wishing to be with someone other than me. Well, maybe I am a little but you were my first, I was your first. We have that special little connection."
"And that's never going to change." Theo reassured her gently, a soft smile on his lips to further cement his point.
"Oh, I know that." Pansy let out a low hum, a smirk on her lips that Theo didn't recognise but he found himself needing to understand. "It's not as if you're the only person that I've ever slept with, after all."
Theo didn't mean for his eyes to widen but they did so anyway, despite what he wanted them to do. He hadn't thought that Pansy would have lusted after him and only him for the rest of time but he couldn't help holding a candle for her. He loved her in more ways than one, he supposed.
"Listen." Pansy said after pouring herself another cup of tea from the teapot that he didn't think would ever be empty nor would it ever lose its powerful fragrance. "If you're serious about wanting to find out whether it's men you're interested in, there's possibly something I can do to help."
"Pansy, I know you probably want to help but I really don't think I'm in a place where I should be set up on dates. If I don't like men then it'll be an awkward conversation once I'm sat down at dinner with the poor sod."
"I wasn't proposing a date." Pansy hummed as she set her cup down. "I… For some time now I've been hosting these parties. Honestly, I'm surprised that Theo and Blaise haven't mentioned them to you yet, they're always there. They're not your usual type of parties though. This is going to sound bad but the only way that I could possibly describe them is as sex parties. I host sex parties at my parents' house when they're not home - and they're never home. People come and they don't care who they're being hooked up with, they just care that they're hooking up with someone. Some wear blindfolds, some just prefer a darkened room. It's.. it's a safe place where everyone can test their limits, live out their fantasies, be intimate with someone else with no strings attached. It sounds exactly what you're looking for."
Theo stared at her for a moment before he forced himself to take a drink of his tea while he sorted through his thoughts. "It does sound like it could be helpful.” He agreed. He wasn’t sure that he liked the idea or that he was going to be entirely comfortable with the idea but he couldn’t deny that it did sound like it could be helpful, that it could help him to straighten his thoughts and feelings out.
“Consent is important.” Pansy continued as she moved to sit beside him, taking his hand into her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. “So if at any time you’re not feeling comfortable, all you would need to do is say so and whoever I match you with will back off. You have my word on that. I can also let them know that you lack experience, if you’d like.”
“And make me an easy target?” Theo asked, an eyebrow raised and a soft laugh escaping from him. “No thanks, love. I think that would make me a sitting duck and I would hope that anyone who learned that someone else was that inexperienced that they would back the fuck off, you know?”
“Yeah.” Pansy said quietly, though he saw her nod in agreement. He could see the cogs turning inside her brain already, however, and he knew that she had already chosen someone for him, whether he was ready or not. The moment that he had said yes, he had become her pawn and this was something that he knew that he should be used to. He did trust her though, and that, he supposed, was the most important part. He trusted her with all of his heart and he knew that she would look after him no matter what.
He gave her a soft smile, glad that she was the one that he had been able to confide in, but also just glad that she was here to share cups of tea with and to help him through everything in his life.
**
“Turn the lights out.” Theo was sure that he recognised that voice but he knew that he wasn’t meant to try to figure out where he knew it from. He swallowed thickly before he did as he was told, his heart hammering in his chest. His partner was sure to find out that he was nervous as all hell in the next few minutes once he was inside the room.
“They’re off.” He answered the man, though he didn’t think that it made all that much difference whether the lights were on or off. He could still see pretty well inside the room. There was enough light coming from the crack in the curtains and from under the door.
“Turn to face the wall.” The voice said. There was a power to his voice that made Theo’s knees buckle but once again, he did as he was told.
“I’m facing the wall.” He told the voice, deciding to close his eyes for good measure. Whoever the man was that was about to enter the room clearly didn’t want Theo to know who he was and he supposed that was the whole point of this being anonymous but it didn’t exactly help to steady his nerves at all. He wondered if he could back out now or if that was a big faux-pas.
He squeezed his eyes all that much tighter as he heard the bedroom door click open and closed, his breath caught in his throat, in his chest as he waited for the man to say something, anything. But no words were said before there was a pair of lips on the back of his neck.
“You’re nervous.” The voice said. “Why’re you nervous?” His breath was warm against Theo’s skin, his lips still touching but far enough away that he was able to speak and Theo was able to understand his words.
“It’s my first time.” Theo admitted, the words slipping out before he could decide whether they were the words that he wanted to say or not.
“Merlin, a virgin.” There was a sense of satisfaction to the tone of the voice and it sent chills down his spine. “And where did Parkinson find you?”
“I thought we weren’t supposed to ask such personal questions?” Theo shot back, his skin tingling as he dared to speak back to the voice. He was pretty sure this voice was under the impression that he was now in control of this entire meeting - and that was probably the case but Theo didn’t know if he could be completely complicit. “Besides, I’m not exactly a virgin, just never…”
“Never been with a man?” The voice offered, his lips meeting the point where Theo’s neck, shoulder and collarbone met and the sound that left Theo’s mouth was not one that he would ever be able to replicate again.
“No.” He managed out in a whisper. “I’ve never been with a man.”
His partner was smirking against his skin now, his teeth grazing along Theo’s flesh in a way that sent chills down his spine. “Then let’s make this a first time to never forget.” He all but growled before he ripped Theo’s shirt clean off of him.
Theo flinched as he heard the buttons hit the ground and roll off in different directions. The voice was right, he was in control and Theo was merely going to be his plaything but as the voice kissed over the skin on his back, along every line, every ridge, every muscle, he found that he didn’t particularly care.
The next thing he knew was that he was practically pinned against the wall - one hand above his head and the other was being directed along the bare stomach of the man who stood behind him as if the man needed to ensure that Theo knew that he was real. Theo hesitated when he felt the fabric of the man’s underwear but he reminded himself that this was consensual, that the man was there in that room because he wanted Theo to touch him.
“Too fast?” The man asked, his voice a little softer and letting go of the hand. “You really are new at this, huh?”
“Why would I say that I was if I wasn’t?” Theo asked but instead of answering him, the man was kissing up his back to his neck again and then slowly he was pushing Theo around so that they were facing each other. Theo didn’t have enough time to get a good look at him before their mouths were crushed together, however, which was probably the man’s intention. Theo knew that he needed to stop trying to figure out who this man was but it was human nature to want to know, right? Or was he just strange?
They kissed hungrily and slowly Theo’s racing thoughts disappeared, melting away into nothingness. When his head was completely empty, he found that he was able to lean into the man just that little bit more easily, that he was able to follow his lead and that he was able to relax. He allowed the man to push him back against the wall as he kissed down his chest. Theo had to allow for the wall to take his entire weight as his knees completely buckled. The man didn’t seem to care as he continued to kiss lower and lower. A kiss could be felt on his lips as he continued his way down and Theo closed his eyes. He felt like he probably should have been doing something with his hands though he had no clue what that something could possibly be so instead he just used them to brace himself against the wall.
The man slipped his jeans and boxers down over his hips as easily as a warm knife in a stick of butter, almost as if he had used his wand to cast them off, and Theo would probably have believed that was the case if he didn’t know that their wands had all been handed in at the door of the - was this a brothel? His eyes widened slightly as this thought popped into his head but it was soon forgotten again as the man’s lips grazed the inside of his thigh.
“Tell me if you need me to stop.” He heard him whisper as his fingers lightly caressed the end of his dick, his tongue flickered out across the inside of Theo’s thigh before his teeth lightly skimmed the surface of his skin there. Theo briefly wondered why he would want the man to stop but that thought soon left the same way that all other thoughts had left.
A moan escaped him when the man had suddenly - or maybe it wasn’t all that sudden, time seemed to have no meaning anymore - wrapped his hand around the end of Theo’s shaft. His grasp was light, giving Theo the chance to pull away if he needed to. He was on his hands and knees now, Theo could only see a head of flaming hair when he chanced a glance in the man’s direction. His fingers were caressing the skin along Theo’s length, showing particular attention as Theo grew harder.
His grasp then tightened, just a little and he was rubbing Theo while continuing to kiss along the inside of Theo’s thighs. Occasionally his lips did graze Theo’s dick causing a bolt of lightning to fire straight from the point where they connected and up to his chest. His back was completely arched now and it was a wonder that he was standing upright at all.
The man continued to rub and Theo let out a sort of whimpering sound as he realised that he couldn’t hold back for that much longer. He bit down on his lip to stop himself from whimpering again and his entire body was trembling from the anticipation of what was to come. He tried to grab onto the wall but there was nothing to hold onto and he knew that he couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I’m going to… I’m going to cum.” He groaned, just about managing to give the stranger warning but the man didn’t stop, didn’t pull back. Theo had to let himself go in that moment, there was no holding back now as he released himself.
The man removed his own shirt as he stood up, his lips back on Theo's, kissing him deeply, meaningfully, and as if they knew each other better than they actually did. Theo supposed that they did know each other better now, more intimately than they had just a few minutes ago when the man had entered the room but he still didn’t actually know who had just pleasured him.
“Turn back around.” The man whispered in Theo’s ear as he kissed his neck and below his ear. “Turn back to face the wall.”
Theo frowned slightly but nodded as he did as he was told. He felt the man kiss the back of his neck once more before he realised that he could no longer feel the man at all. He then heard the telltale click of the door and he knew he was alone.
“Fuck.” Theo whispered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He repeated the word over and over again until it lost all meaning and he found himself sitting on the edge of the bed. The only evidence that there had been someone else in the room with him was the discarded shirt on the floor, which Theo realised now held his cum. He sat there, staring at the shirt, his breathing heavy and more than slightly panicked until he heard a knock on the door.
“Theo?” It was Pansy. He grabbed a sheet off the bed, deciding to cover himself up even though Pansy had seen him naked on more than one occasion. Today wasn’t like those times, however, so it didn’t feel right to just let her walk in on him, at least not without attempting to cover his modesty.
“You can come in.” He called back to her, hoping that she wouldn’t look too closely around the room and that her focus would be completely on him once she was inside, though maybe not too completely.
Pansy let out a sigh when she pushed open the door and saw him sitting on the bed. “Did you scare him off?” She asked, which only caused a yelp to erupt from Theo’s chest. He hadn’t thought of it that way, hadn’t thought that it was possibility that he had screwed up or upset the man, but now that she had put the idea in his head, he wasn’t going to be able to shake it off.
“I - I - maybe.” He whispered, his voice shaking. He dropped his eyes to his hands which he had folded over the top of the sheet. “Fuck. I should have - fuck.” It was ironic that the only word he seemed to be able to harness was the one thing that he hadn’t been able to do.
Pansy sat down on the bed next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Did you at least enjoy yourself?” She asked, causing Theo to pause for a moment as he considered this. Had he enjoyed himself? He did feel better and that had been the point of the whole thing, even if he hadn’t exactly been as into this idea as his friends had been.
“Yeah, I guess so.” He said quietly.
Pansy squeezed his arm and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she stood up again. “Put some clothes on and join us downstairs, will you? We’re having drinks.”
For a moment there Theo realised that he had been allowed to see the old Pansy, the one he had grown up adoring, but she had disappeared in a flash and the new Pansy, the one he still adored but was slightly wary of was back in her place. “Is there a shower?” He asked, deciding that he needed to freshen up before he faced any of his friends and with his wand still at the front door, he knew that he was going to have to do that the proper way.
“Second door on the left.” Pansy told him before she left, leaving him to sit there on his own for a few minutes longer before he finally decided that he better make himself look presentable and then join his friends downstairs.
**
Theo didn’t mean for his entrance to be as dramatic as it was but as he walked down the stairs he ended up inhaling more cigarette smoke than he would have liked and the effects of this meant that he ended up practically coughing up a lung and tripping on the bottom step. He just about managed to catch himself before he went flying straight into the chest of someone, however, and that he decided he was going to call a win as he straightened himself up.
The someone looked down at him with a raised eyebrow as he mumbled a “sorry”, mostly embarrassed that this person was not one of his friends and he had just careered into someone that he didn’t even know all that well. He could tell, from the red hair and that distinctive nose, that this someone was one of Ginny’s brothers - Ginny had become a good friend to the Slytherin alumni, most unexpectedly, and while Theo wasn’t close to her, there were many in his friend group who were.
“You alright there?” The Weasley asked, his hand extending towards Theo as if he intended to help steady him before he quickly retracted it. “Had too much to drink or needing a drink?”
“Definitely needing a drink.” Theo said decidedly as his eyes flickered past the Weasley to the lounge. He could just about see inside through the archway; Pansy appeared to be in her element playing hostess and for some reason that thought made him smile. This might have been an unusual scene for himself but it was one that she was very comfortable in and he was happy for her.
The Weasley looked him up and down, probably trying to figure out if Theo had stumbled in here accidentally or if he was actually meant to be here. “Want me to take you to the bar or can you find your own way there?”
Theo shook his head. “No, thank you.” As much as he did think that a stiff drink would do wonders for his nerves, he figured that he probably shouldn’t actually consume any alcohol. He needed to keep his wits about him, especially as he was becoming increasingly aware that the person who he had just been intimate with was probably inside the lounge.
“Suit yourself.” The Weasley said before he gestured to the lounge. “After you then.”
It was Theo’s turn to look him up and down before he gave a short nod and headed into the lounge where Draco was lying on one of the chaise lounges, sprawled out with Blaise’s head in his lap and a cigarette between his lips. He looked almost as at home as Pansy was and it was enough to bring the smile back to Theo’s lips.
“There he is.” Draco had turned his full attention to Theo now. “We thought you’d drowned.”
Theo shot a glare at Pansy who smirked in response. “I didn’t drown. I was just… Taking my time.”
“Taking your time, huh?” Draco waggled his eyebrows in a way that made Theo question how much he knew - did he know that Theo’s encounter had basically been a disaster, for instance? Or was Theo in the clear and how fast things had happened were going to remain a secret between himself, his partner, and Pansy.
“I believe we don’t have to tell anyone anything at all. In fact, I was under the impression that was the point, Draco.” Theo said as he slid down onto one of the armchairs, letting his eyes flicker around the room as he tried to figure out whether or not he recognised anyone else here or if he should perhaps stop trying to figure it out.
He glanced over his shoulder at the Weasley, only to see that the man had not in fact followed him in and was retreating down the hallway, seemingly in the direction of the bar. A small frown flickered onto Theo’s features before he had a chance to stop it but he forced himself to turn away. He couldn’t worry about whether he had insuelted a stranger.
Stranger. The stranger who had given him his first male sexual encounter less than an hour ago had been a redhead too. He tried to stop his eyes from widening. No-one else here was a redhead which meant that the odds that it had been him were significantly higher. So now he had insulted Weasley twice.
“You need to learn to lighten up, Nott.” Draco laughed before he stubbed out his cigarette, his fingers carding through Blaise’s hair somewhat absent-mindedly. Theo couldn’t help but watch the two of them and how at ease they appeared to be in each other’s company. They weren’t together, at least not as far as Theo was aware, but it wouldn’t be all that hard for them to transition to being in a relationship from the current state of affairs.
“Oh shut up.” Theo muttered as he leaned his head on the back of the armchair and allowed his eyes to settle on the ceiling. “I’m plenty light.” He said pointedly, though of course anyone who knew him knew this to be a complete and utter lie. He was one of the most tightly wound people that you could meet and he was sure that was why Pansy had invited him along in the first place, so that he would learn to not be so tightly wound.
Draco just laughed and turned back to - was that Potter? - who he had been conversing with before Theo had walked in. Theo let the conversations around him become background noise. He did try to listen and perhaps even join in at first but he was quick to realise that his thoughts were running at a hundred miles a minute so there was no possible way that he was going to be able to sort through them and listen to what was going on at the same time. In the end Theo knew that he had to be selfish but then he didn’t think that his lack of contribution to the conversation was going to be noticed.
“Come for a walk?” Pansy interrupted him when he was just deciding that the Weasley had to be Ron, the one from their year, if Potter was one of the other people in the lounge. He had allowed Ronald Weasley, the Gryffindor King, to give him a handjob - he couldn’t think of anything more disturbing to him, except for the fact that he would absolutely allow him to again.
He gave a nod, knowing that he needed to get some fresh air to somehow slow his brain down. His head was starting to hurt and he knew that he couldn’t blame it entirely on the cigarette smoke, even if that was starting to play havoc with his eyes as well as his lungs. He stood up and gave a dismissive wave to his friends and other people he had met through school and the likes before following Pansy outside.
He hoped that she wasn’t going to immediately rip into him for being so pathetic, that she wasn’t going to tease him for scaring off his companion due to his complete lack of experience. She was the one who had paired people up though, wasn’t she? And she was well aware that Theo had absolutely no experience when it came to men, and very little when it came to sex in general.
“You didn’t scare him off.” Pansy said when they fell into step side by side once in the grounds of the Parkinson house. “And before you ask how I know, I asked him. Of course, I can’t tell you who it was, that defeats the whole point of anonymity, but I saw the look on your face earlier so I know you already know.” She gave him a small smile. “And I didn’t ask him outright if you had scared him off either, I just asked him if he’d had a good time and he told me he had. And he asked to be paired with you again.”
Theo shook his head quickly, probably too quickly, but he had to make sure that she knew that he wasn’t ever doing this again. “It’s too much pressure.” He told her. “I don’t want to ever be in that situation again. I think… I think next time I’m with a man, I want to know who the man is.”
Pansy took his hand into her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Absolutely valid.” She whispered as she gave it a squeeze. “I’m glad you said next time though. It sounds as if this whole afternoon wasn’t a complete bust for you then?”
“I…” Theo began before he cleared his throat. “No.” He admitted. “It wasn’t a complete bust. I - I enjoyed my time with whoever it was and I definitely would like to see him again, but it sounds like he’s only into anonymity whereas anonymity wasn’t for me.”
“I’m proud of you.” Pansy said, though Theo had no idea what he had done to warrant a comment such as that. “I’m proud of you and the person that you’re allowing yourself to become.”
“Let me guess, before I was giving Slytherins a bad name?” Theo was only half-joking. He knew that he was the awkward snake, the one who was never quite what everyone else would consider normal, but his friends had always accepted him regardless. When they had all started hitting puberty and he had realised that he wasn’t going through the same mixture of emotions as them, he had thought that he was a) broken and b) that his friends would ostracise him the way that they had ostracised those outwith Slytherin, but he had forgotten to take into account their fierce loyalty. They loved him and they wouldn’t leave him behind, no matter what. That was exactly why he had found himself at Pansy’s that weekend.
“Not at all.” Pansy said quickly, shaking her head before she turned to face him, her eyes wide. “I’m glad that you’re able to be the person that you should always have been. I’m glad that you don’t feel as if you have to hide who you are from us anymore. I’m glad that you don’t have to hide who you are from yourself anymore.”
“I was hiding from myself?” Theo frowned a little as he thought this over. He had always thought that he was open about who he was with himself but he supposed that in a way she was right. He had always tried to fit himself into the same sort of cookie cutter that his housemates appeared to be in but he knew that life wasn’t at all like that. His friends had even proved that to him as they had slowly begun to step outside of the boxes that he had thought were fixed points in their society. Draco and Blaise’s relationship, for example, wasn’t the heteronormative one that was expected of them and all purebloods. They had pushed the boundaries and that had helped Theo to push his own boundaries.
Pansy leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for coming, Theo.” She said softly. He knew what she meant now was that he could choose to come back inside with her and enjoy the rest of the weekend, or he could go home and put this evening down as an experience that he would never forget.
“Thanks for inviting me.” He said softly. He had already decided that he would go home. He’d had enough excitement, if that was even the correct word for it, for one lifetime. Part of him did want to go back inside, to maybe see if he could get Ron alone for even just one conversation, but he also knew that that was against the rules and while Pansy was one of his best friends, he doubted that she would be best pleased if he ruined things for everyone else.
The two of them walked in silence back to the house where Theo retrieved his wand from the basket by the door and after bidding the others goodbye, he apparated home, content with the events of that day, even if he was somewhat confused.
**
“What are you drinking?” A somewhat familiar voice asked before Theo saw the telltale red hair of the man who he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about over the last week.
“Oh. Um. Rum and lemonade.” Theo answered, stuttering slightly. He’d come on a night out with Draco and Blaise, who had already abandoned him to pursue Potter - who had apparently approached them after the anonymous weekend. Theo had been bitter about this for more than one reason and that was why he had switched from his usual ginger beers to something a little stronger.
He watched as Ron ordered him another drink before the red hair raised his glass of wine to Theo and said “cheers”. Theo complied, clinking his glass against the ex-Gryffindors and tried to ingore the way that his heart was screaming at him. Fight or flight appeared to want to kick in, even if all Ron had done was sit down next to him in what Theo was sure was a completely harmless way.
“Did you friends leave you too?” Ron asked, gesturing in the vague direction of the dancefloor which was a heaving mass of bodies and Theo knew that he had a snowball’s chance in hell of fiding either of his friends in the throng.
“They did.” Theo nodded, shifting on his barstool slightly so that he was partly facing Ron and partly looking out at the dancefloor. “I’m surprised that you’re not out there dancing too.” He added, though he knew that he had no grounds on which to base that. He had never had a proper conversation with the Weasley; everything he knew about him was second hand either through Draco who had grown up despising him, or through Ginny who had always known a similarly skewed version of her brother. “If I didn’t want to be called a party pooper, I would have left already.” He admitted, though he had no idea why he was admitting such things to this man who he was sure already looked down on him after their last interactions.
“You’re an adult, Nott.” Ron pointed out. “We’re both adults so we can do whatever we want to do and if that means bowing out of a night out on the town or dancing in a gay club that is honestly so camp, it’s a surprise the floor itself isn’t made of cheese, then that’s okay too. We can do what we want to do and no-one can stop us. So,” He paused for a moment, looking Theo who definitely looked overdressed for this place and that he was aware of, up and down, “I suggest you drink your drinks and then we’ll get out of this place.”
“You want to get out of here with me?” The question sounded ridiculous as it left Theo’s mouth but once it was out there, there was nothing that he could do to take it back. He knew that Ron probably had just meant that if Theo was uncomfortable then he should go and find somewhere that he was going to be comfortable, rather than sitting here and sticking out like a sore thumb for all of the wrong reasons.
“I think we should take a walk, yes.” Ron nodded, a smile that was pretty close to a smirk was present on his lips. Theo couldn’t help but stare at the way it looked like it belonged there, the way it was so natural upon his features. It was almost distracting enough to stop Theo from actually listening to his words.
He blinked a couple of times before he nodded, draining the drink that he had bought himself in the next moment and starting on the one that Ron had bought him. He knew for a fact that he was going to be more than a little tipsy once he stopped out into the cool air of the night but he tried not to let himself care about that one little bit. Ron wanted to spend time with him and it wasn’t him that was breaking Pansy’s rules so he could let himself off the hook. He sort of hoped that Pansy had told Ron that he wanted to spend time with him without needing to be anonymous but he hadn’t asked Pansy to do that so he couldn’t assume that she had.
“No need to rush.” Ron laughed, shaking his head slightly. “We’ve got all night.”
Theo knew that they did but he also knew that the sooner that they were outside of this club, the sooner he would have Ron all to himself and he would be lying if he tried to claim that this didn’t appeal to him in the slightest. He did, however, try to take a little more time with his second drink as the two of them fell into easy conversation about their friends ditching them and more than likely hooking up with each other. Ron lamented about what it was like to have a best friend who was as famous as Harry Potter and Theo lamented about what it was like to have a best friend with an ego as big as Draco Malfoy’s. They both agreed that Blaise was a solid, reliable person and that he might even manage to ground the other two a little, though they both knew that this was a longshot. Theo did pause to ponder how Ron knew Blaise so well before deciding that he didn’t actually want to know.
When they finally stepped out into the darkened street, Theo let out a soft sigh that almost felt as if it was being carried off into the night by the stars as they did their best to break through the light pollution of the city. It made him miss home, briefly. He had been staying with Draco and Blaise at one of the Malfoys’ townhouses in the middle of London for the last few months, mainly because he couldn’t stand being in his father’s empty country home. His father was serving time in Azkaban for his part in the war, as was Draco’s father, so it had made sense to move in with someone who was going through the same sorts of things as him. It didn’t make him feel any more comfortable but at least he wasn’t alone in his uncomfortableness.
As if Ron could read his mind, he heard him say “You should see the stars at my mum’s.”
Theo knew this wasn’t an invitation but even so, he smiled as they walked. He did eventually have to shift his gaze from the sky above them, mainly because he was worried that he was going to walk into a street lamp or something if he wasn’t careful. They’d fallen into silence now, their conversation having seemingly been left behind in the club and Theo knew that was mostly his fault. He knew that he should probably have commented about the stars or the moon or something along those lines but no words had come to him and he found himself fighting the urge to shove his hands into the pockets of his suit jacket.
They turned into a park, one that was oddly deserted considering the time of night and the fact that they were in the middle of London - Theo was more than used to seeing rough sleepers around every corner - and sat down on one of the benches without the need to say anything to each other. Was this a good or bad thing? Theo couldn’t tell. He dropped his eyes to his shoes before he forced himself to look up and out across the darkened pond.
They sat there for a few moments before Theo realised that he was going to have to be the one to break the silence, something that he didn’t think that he was capable of doing but it was starting to become apparent that it might not be something that Ron was capable of. They might have been outside in the dark, but the darkened room had been even darker than this and had meant that Ron didn’t necessarily know who Theo was. Now that they knew each other, there was a sort of pressure that hadn’t been there before.
“Did you ask Pansy?” Theo found himself asking. He wasn’t sure if this was the question that he had wanted to lead with but it was the question that had escaped him and it was the question that he could now see Ron considering his answer to.
“I did.” He said slowly. “I wanted to check you were okay, for a start, and I dunno… I’ve never actually been with a Slytherin before so when I saw you at the bottom of those stairs, I knew that I had to know you.”
“I gave away my identity myself then.” Theo hummed. He had wondered if Pansy’s set up was completely watertight and now it would seem that there were holes in it - though so far no-one seemed to mind those holes.
“You did.” Ron nodded. “But I’m glad you did because it gives me a chance to explain. I didn’t mean to run out on you; I did mean to leave but I didn’t mean for it to come across as me running away from you. I… I felt a connection to you and sleeping with random men in blacked out rooms is not what I do with people I feel a connection with. So I backed out before I did something that I would regret later - but then I regretted not begging you to tell me what your name was.”
Theo chewed on his lip as he thought this over for a moment before he turned to face Ron fully. “You felt a connection to me?” He was trying to make sense of what this even meant, and he knew that even if Ron explained it to him then he wasn’t likely to get it. “With a man you gave a quick handjob to?”
Ron let out a laugh that filled the entire park, the sound echoing through the darkness and warming Theo from the inside out while simultaneously sending a shiver down his spine. The thought that he could listen to that laugh forever briefly flickered through his mind but he tried to shake it off.
“I shouldn’t have asked that.” Theo apologised, his eyes flickering away momentarily before he felt Ron take his hand.
“I want you to ask anything that you need to.” Ron told him when he claimed Theo’s attention back to him. “I want you to feel comfortable enough that you can ask me anything. I just don’t know how best to answer you. I… There’s something about me that I don’t tell very many people. You feel like one of the people that I can tell but this is the very first time that we’ve had a proper conversation - or at least back in the bar was - so I think I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t tell you absolutely everything just yet. I… It’s just important that you know and that you understand that there is a connection there. I feel drawn to you and I didn’t want to exploit that connection. It wouldn’t have been fair on you, so I did the right thing and I stepped away.”
Theo watched him, his head tilted to the side before he nodded. “That… That makes sense.” He said quietly, even if he was still a little confused but at the end of the day, he could understand that Ron had his reasons and he was happy to leave it at that. If this meant that he was going to get the chance to get to know Ron over the course of many conversations then he definitely wasn’t going to complain.
“So here’s what I’m proposing,” Ron continued as he turned to take both of Theo’s hands into his and Theo immediately felt a warmth spreading through him from where Ron’s skin met with his, “that I take you on a date.”
“A date?” Theo didn’t know why he hadn’t expected this to be a suggestion, but it took him by surprise and he found himself almost completely freezing up. If it hadn’t been for the way that Ron was holding his hands, he didn’t think that he would have been able to make himself breathe, let alone speak.
“Yes, a date. You, me, some nice restaurant with a candlelit dinner. A date.” Ron nodded, a smile on his face as if he knew that there was no way that Theo would say no. And he was right, of course. Theo wasn’t going to say no.
He managed to nod as everything sunk in, as Ron’s words started to make sense. “I - yes.” He whispered before clearing his throat and managing to say just that little bit more clearly, just that little bit more confidently, “Yes, I’d like that.”
Ron grinned before squeezing his hands and leaning forward to place one chaste kiss to Theo’s cheek. “Saturday? I’ll send you details?”
Theo managed another nod, his eyes fixed on Ron who was letting go of his hands now and making to stand up. Even though Theo knew that it was now the middle of the night and that he really should consider letting the other man go, he selfishly didn’t want to. He didn’t want to be left alone and he certainly didn’t want to be without Ron’s company.
“Okay.” He said finally as he realised that he really didn’t have any say in whether or not Ron left him or not. He wouldn’t beg him to stay either.
“I think I’ll see you before Saturday anyway.” Ron added with a grin, leaving before Theo had a chance to ask him to elaborate. He watched as Ron walked only a couple of steps and apparated away.
Aside from the resounding crack, Theo was left alone with the silence of the night and a sense of panic in his chest. This night had been a confusing one, one that he didn’t think he’d ever be able to wrap his head completely around.
**
“You and Weasley looked like you were getting cosy last night.” For some reason Draco’s comment stung. The three of them were stood in the kitchen, queuing up for the coffee pot after finally emerging from their rooms, though Theo was pretty sure that Blaise (and Potter) had slept in Draco’s room. He didn’t ask about it though, he knew that it wasn’t his concern and as long as they were happy, he didn’t have to step in.
“I guess we were.” Theo shrugged slightly. He wasn’t sure how much he could actually tell Draco about what had happened - he hadn’t even managed to tell Draco about what had happened the other weekend. They weren’t the sort of people to talk about things as deep as that, and that was how Theo wanted to keep their personal life, at least for the time being.
“Wouldn’t have pegged him as your type.” Blaise commented as he sat down at the kitchen table. His gaze didn’t leave his coffee but Theo still felt judged and it caused him to shift from one foot to another uncomfortably. He took the coffee pot from Draco without meeting his gaze.
“I’m not sure that I have a type.” Theo admitted as he poured himself a coffee and took a seat opposite Blaise. “I don’t think I’ve ever considered what might be my type but Ron asked me out on a date and I said yes so even if he wasn’t my type, I guess he is now?” He wanted his friends to understand what was going through his brain, even if they couldn’t exactly see things from his point of view. He doubted that they would ever be able to see things from his point of view but he wanted them to try.
“Sometimes we find something that we weren’t even aware that we were looking for in the most unexpected places.” Blaise said quietly and Theo reckoned that he wasn’t exactly talking about Theo’s potential relationship with Ron but his own current relationship with both Draco and Potter.
Draco didn’t look entirely convinced but he didn’t say anything more as he sipped on his coffee. Theo reckoned this was his way of giving him his blessing - and it was as much as Theo was going to get at any rate. Draco had never liked any of the Weasleys, and while he put up with the one that he had deemed Weaslette, he knew that he was still trying to come to terms with having her as part of his friend group, let alone accept two Weasleys at the same time.
Theo let out a soft hum before he sat back in his chair and allowed his eyes to flicker out the window to the foggy grey sky that he had come to associate with hangovers and fry up breakfasts, though he wasn’t hungover, nor was he going to have fry up. A granola bar would perhaps suffice.
**
The dinner had gone better than Theo could have imagined. He had expected the awkwardness from the other night to join them but it disappeared the moment that they sat down at the table. They were able to talk to about anything and everything, from Ron’s home life which had been about as fun as Theo’s had since the war had ended, to what they planned to do with their lives now that they were getting too old (at least in theory) to fall back on the whole rhetoric of having their teenage years stolen.
They’d talked until the waiters looked as if they were about to kick the two of the m out so Theo suggested that they take a walk, though this time he made sure that he kept talking, that the conversation didn’t stop as they stepped out into the dimly lit streets. They walked in the direction of the Thames, walking along the riverbank, hand in hand and keeping pace easily, instinctively.
“I want a second date.” Ron said in the middle of Theo’s rant about the goblins of Gringotts and how they didn’t enjoy working with wizardkind and made that known.
Theo blinked several times, not because he hadn’t been expecting a second date but because he hadn’t expected Ron to be so blunt when he asked him - and part of him had hoped that he would be the one to propose the second date but they had been talking for so long that neither of them had had the chance to bring up the idea of a second date. That was probably why Ron had interrupted him, he supposed.
“I want a second date.” Ron said again when Theo didn’t say anything. “But before we can properly start dating, before we can become the couple of the decade that we both know that we are, there’s something that I need to tell you.”
“Something that you need to tell me?” Theo repeated, not meaning to interrupt but also being somehow unable to hold it in.
“Something that may change the way you look at me so I really want to get it out of the way as early on as possible. Hermione… When she found out - hell, when I found out - it completely blew her mind. She didn’t dump me because of it but it changed our entire relationship and ultimately saw the downfall of us. I spent a few years on my own, not telling anyone about myself and hoping that no-one would ever want to be close to me again. That’s why I ended up friends with Pansy, if you can call what we have friendship. Her parties, her events, were the way that I could lose myself, forget about what I am and that I've been lied to all my life by the people I hold the dearest. They love me regardless of what I am, and I know I should be glad of that, but I’m still mad, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all.” He took a breath and Theo sort of wished that he would stop there so that he could wrap his arms around him and press kisses all over his face, but he knew that he needed to hear what Ron had to say almost as much as Ron needed to say it. “When we met, I wasn’t expecting to feel this attachment to you, this connection that I do, but I’ve spoken to… I’ve spoken to other people like me since and they’ve said that that’s part of it. It’s why I experience these emotions on such a high level, apparently.” He took another breath, both of his hands now clasped firmly around Theo’s. “I’m not human.” He said, pausing for a moment before he continued. “At least not fully. My mother isn’t actually my mother. I’m part nymph, specifically part fire nymph. I… I didn’t know until after my brother died and something in my DNA was apparently unlocked in my grief.”
Theo couldn’t help but stare at Ron as he tried to wrap his head around what Ron had just told him. It had been a lot all at once but Theo had heard him, had heard every single word. The man he was starting to fall for, wasn’t actually a man after all. “You’re a nymph?” He repeated. He understood the word, understood that it meant that Ron was fae and while he knew of the fae, he didn’t think that he had ever actually met a fae before - but then, he hadn’t known that Ron was fae so he probably had and just didn’t know it.
“I understand if it’s a deal breaker, but that’s why I’ve told you now because I can’t… I can’t have my heart broken all over again.” Ron’s voice wavered slightly. Theo gave his hands a squeeze in an attempt to reassure him. He might not completely understand what Ron was but he didn’t know him well enough for it to change his opinion of him. He had only ever known him as the nymph, after all, even if he hadn’t known that there was a name for it.
“It’s not a deal breaker.” Theo reassured him, making sure that his own voice was steady. “I’m going to be honest with you; my knowledge of nymphs is non-existent, but I’m willing to learn. I’m willing to… I want to understand you. I… You keep talking about this connection that you felt to me, but I feel a connection to you. I did the minute that you walked into that room even though I couldn’t see you, even though I had no idea who you were. I… I like you, Ron. And I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone like I like you before.”
Ron was smiling now, the moonlight reflecting off of his pale features, practically illuminating his beautiful red hair and for a moment Theo wondered how he hadn’t seen these supernatural signs before. There was something otherworldly about him, at least while they were stood there by the Thames with the moon looking down on them.
“Well then. I would very much like to ask you on a second date.” Ron said softly, one of his hands now reaching up to cup Theo’s cheek. “I would very much like to ask you on a hundred second dates, but I think that may be pushing my luck to ask for all of those all at once.”
Theo laughed and turned his head to press a kiss to Ron’s palm. “You can have a second date - I’d even go as far as to say that you can have all of the hundred other second dates but we’ll maybe try to start off slow, considering how we met.”
“Slow and steady sounds like the perfect way to start a relationship to me.” Ron whispered back, pressing a kiss to Theo’s forehead before dropping his hand from Theo’s cheek and turning so that they could start walking once again. They fell back into step, side by side, and a soft sort of silence fell over them, one that they both knew that they could break at any time but it didn’t feel as if they needed to speak again now.
**
There was something relaxing about watching the blue teapot, even if it was the very same teapot that Theo had seen on many occasions before. He had never seen the small white clouds painted onto the surface move before but today they were softly swimming out of the way of a tiny yellow sun that was trying to shine out into Pansy’s living room. He allowed a small smile to play across his lips as he watched it, his head tilted to the side.
He knew that he was being rude, just as rude as he had been a couple of weeks ago when he had been sat in this exact same chair, watching this exact same teapot, that he was being rude when he didn’t speak to his best friend, but he was mesmerised. It was almost as if he was in a trance.
Almost. Thanks to Ron he now knew what a real trance felt like. His boyfriend - yes, boyfriend. He would certainly go as far as to call the fae his boyfriend now - had asked how Theo would feel if Ron were to use his powers on him. Theo hadn’t known what this would entail to begin with but he came to understand that nymph powers (not just fire nymphs, Ron had explained) were similar to that of veelas. Theo had certainly appreciated that Ron hadn’t used the powers on him from the get go because he found that when Ron did ‘turn them on’, he would do absolutely anything that the redhead asked him to. It had been a surreal experience, to watch his body as it did another’s bidding, and he had decided quite quickly that he didn’t like it.
He did enjoy watching Ron use his other powers, however. There was a particular flame that Ron was able to create that didn’t burn to touch and for some reason this appeared to be Ron’s greatest accomplishment. Theo had decided that it was better that he didn’t ask why this was such a big deal to him and instead he had just allowed himself to watch silently as Ron tested his own skills out and determined what his limits were.
Theo had a feeling that the more comfortable Ron was in using his powers, and the more comfortable he was with people around him while he used them, that he would be able to do more in time but he kept these thoughts to himself. He was all too aware that Ron was having a hard enough time coming to terms with who he was without having the extra pressure of knowing that there was a possibility that he might become a little more powerful in time.
“So?” Pansy’s tone was clipped but Theo knew that she wasn’t actually mad at him, she was just growing impatient. Once again he had invited himself over for tea, this time with the intention of filling her in on all the ‘gossip’ (Merlin, how he hated that word) of his new relationship but instead of actually saying anything about it, he had allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts all over again.
Slowly he managed to tear his eyes away from the teapot, his eyes trailing up to hers before he allowed them to flicker back to the teapot. He made a point of filling himself a cup of tea from the pot and taking a whiff of the Earl Grey within the cup. He wasn’t going to let her bully the words out of him, even if she did deserve to hear that something good had come from her attempt to match him with someone who would allow him to explore his sexual fantasies. He had yet to do that, and honestly, he wasn’t sure whether he would ever feel completely comfortable doing so, but only time would tell.
“So.” Theo said as he wrapped his hands around his cup and let out a soft hum. “Thank you for introducing me to Ron.”
A grin broke out across Pansy’s face which had previously been set in a neutral expression. The fact that she was able to smile so easily let Theo know that she had been holding it back just under the surface. She wasn’t one to smile all that easily usually but she also appeared to be unable to hide her emotions from him, at least on this particular day.
“I had hoped that you would track each other down at some point.” She commented, almost as if she was trying to claim responsibility for the relationship that had grown between them, though there was no possible way that she could know the complete truth - she would just know that Ron had grown into a loner since he had separated from Hermione, even if that was only part of the truth. “I didn’t expect it to be so quickly though.”
“No?” Theo was a little surprised at this revelation. “Not even with Potter shagging not one but two of my housemates.”
Pansy laughed loudly at this. “Well, when you put it like that, I suppose it does actually make perfect sense that you found each other so quickly.”
Theo rolled his eyes but shot her a smile before taking a sip of his drink. It was still so hot that it ran the risk of burning his tongue but he didn’t want to say too much to her. He wanted to tell her everything but at the same time, he knew that he could only really tell her the bare minimum. It was a difficult position to be in and yet, Theo knew that it was one that he was going to have to get used to.
“I heard there have been dates?” Pansy prodded, her probing questions causing Theo’s smile to stick on his lips whether he was ready for it to sit there or not.
“And who the hell did you hear that from?” He asked, his head tilted but before she opened her mouth, he knew.
“Draco. We’re still friends, you know.”
Theo nodded. He did know. Even though their engagement had been called off when the Pureblood Society that they had all been raised in had crumbled and fallen around them, Pansy and Draco had remained good friends, something he was selfishly glad of. He didn’t know how he would have coped had the two of them ended things in a tumultuous way. He didn’t think that he would have been able to pick sides, for a start, and Draco being the way he was would demand that sides were a thing.
“Besides, I know everything.” Pansy continued. She was sitting next to him now and her lips pressed to his cheek. “You should know that by now.” She hummed.
Theo nodded again. That was something else that he did know. And in a world full of such uncertainty, he was grateful that there were things in life that he was able to rely on, even if those things were all directly related to his best friend. But maybe that was the way of the world, and the way that made things right in the world. She was his one constant after all.
He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her cheek in turn before just simply holding her to him. He couldn’t put into words how grateful he was to her for existing, for being in his life, for being his rock, or for bringing Ron into his life, but he could show her.