Chapter Text
The goal was to get Taylor to the car without any more damage. It had taken their entire group to wrestle Taylor into her coat, to get her to stop yell-singing the lyrics to random 1975 songs, and to keep her from latching onto Karlie on the way out. Karlie led the way through the slew of photographers, grasping Lily’s hand to pull them through. Lily had instructed Taylor to hold onto some part of her, Taylor opting for an arm slung around her shoulder, still giggling to herself and not paying the crowd any mind. Martha kept close to Taylor’s other side, making sure the intoxicated woman didn’t trip in her heels. The Haim sisters rounded up the group, security trying to clear a path for all of them to the SUV.
Karlie stepped aside when the car door opened, ushering Lily to the backseat, Lily’s connection to Taylor forcing the drunk woman to the back as well.
The tug elicited a squeal out of Taylor, a complete mess of limbs as she fell onto the seat. “Lil, I wanna sit by Kar!”
By far the most sober of the group, Lily shook her head. “No. You need to give her space.”
Martha got in on Taylor’s other side, Karlie finally sliding into the middle section. Danielle went all the way up front, Alana and Este sliding in by Karlie.
“No fair, Martha, tell Lil she’s being a mood killer,” Taylor drawled, laying her head on Martha’s shoulder.
Alana reached back, fingers brushing Taylor’s lips. “Silence drunkard.” She immediately had to snatch her hand back as all Taylor did was snap her teeth in an attempt to bite her.
A lull of quiet fell over the car save from the sound of the engine and the low volume of the radio, a welcome decibel level after the roar of a live show.
But Taylor couldn’t stay quiet long, pulling her head off of Martha. “Kar, are you mad at me?”
Karlie had been keeping a hard gaze out the window, not reacting right away to Taylor’s ask.
“Kaaaaaarrrrrr…”
Lily intercepted Taylor’s grabby hands that had stretched out in Karlie’s direction. “Hey, stop.”
“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,” Karlie said, finally turning around. “I just want to go to bed.”
“But are you mad at me?”
Este groaned. “Fuck, Taylor.”
“Hey, Tay. Why don’t you drink some water?” Martha, who always seemed to have the most patience with drunk Taylor, held up two mini water bottles, effectively distracting her.
With the attention off her, Karlie’s head dropped with a sniffle, tears pooling in her eyes. Lily leaned forward to reach over the seat to rub her shoulder softly. “It’s going to be okay.”
Karlie shook her head, not able to stop thinking about the consequences of the night. “Tree’s going to kill us. Josh and I…” she stopped to take a breath, trying to stave off more tears, squeezing her eyes shut and whispering, “Tay’s going to freak out tomorrow. We fucked up.”
They had and Lily knew there was little she could say that was reassuring.
/////
Karlie stared in the bathroom mirror, trying to get her eyes to focus so she could fix her lipstick. Her shirt was still untucked and had been rucked up to give Taylor access to more skin. She started with that, pulling the waistband of her jeans so she could shove the shirt back down. Fingers pressing low on her stomach, she was painfully aware how turned on she was. If Danielle hadn’t banged open the door, scaring them apart - Taylor’s hands had been everywhere, up her shirt, blunt nails raking down her back, as she placed hot, opened mouth kisses on her neck. She had just pressed Karlie against the stall wall, starting to work her way down, and had threatened to rip the seam of Karlie’s tight pants so she could feel her, so she could slip her fingers…
“Kloss, get your hands out of your pants. Come on.”
Danielle’s voice snapped Karlie back to her task, finishing smoothing out her top and turning the sink faucet cold. She stuck her hands in before pressing them to her flushed cheeks.
“You’ve been in here way too long and Josh keeps asking where you are, Karlie,” Danielle said, watching both Karlie and Taylor attempt to get their shit together. “If you two wanted to fuck around tonight, you shouldn’t have invited him.”
Taylor leaned over the counter to paint on a fresh coat of red on her lips, smoothing back her tousled hair. “We’ll be back out in a minute, chill.”
“Whatever. I’m not fucking distracting him anymore though. I wanna get drunk, not talk about the DOW or whatever the fuck. He keeps talking about finances. Y’all are on your own.” Danielle pushed back out the door.
Drying her hands, Karlie gave a go at finally fixing her lipstick, while not fully smeared, had mussed around the edges.
Taylor pulled at her skirt and tights, making sure everything was back in place before stopping and watching Karlie. “You’re good, Kar. It looks fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“You look gorgeous.” Grabbing Karlie and turning her to face her, Taylor let her hands snake back into Karlie’s hair, pulling her face closer. “You always look perfect.”
Karlie knew she should pull away, they had just made themselves presentable again. But she closed the gap between them, pressing her lips into Taylor’s.
Taylor moved to kiss up Karlie’s jaw, only stopping to talk. “You’re staying over tonight, right?”
“Yeah,” Karlie breathed out, Taylor’s voice in her ear sending a shiver down her spine.
“Good.” Taylor snuck another quick kiss to Karlie’s lips before pulling away.
Karlie gave herself another moment, watching Taylor walk away. She gave a last glance to the mirror, the peck not having re-ruined her lips. There was an obvious mark of red on her neck. Licking two of her fingers, she rubbed at it half-heartedly before spinning on her heel and going back out to the music.
Josh spotted Karlie immediately. Danielle hadn’t been kidding, he didn’t look happy at all, brows furrowed. “Are you going to spend any time with me?”
“I was peeing,” Karlie said when he was finally in front of her, matching his irritated look.
“For twenty minutes?”
“I fixed my makeup too.” Letting her eyes wander over Josh’s shoulder, Karlie watched as Taylor leaned over the private bar in their section, ordering another drink, her skirt riding up, revealing more of her sheer tight covered legs.
Josh turned, following her gaze. “Are you fucking kidding?”
Tearing her eyes away from Taylor’s ass, Karlie licked her lips. “What?”
“Don’t act stupid around me, you know I can’t stand that.” Josh at least had the decency to close the distance between them, keeping his voice only loud enough for her to hear, not drawing attention to them. “You’ve got lipstick all over your god damn neck,” he hissed.
“No I don’t,” Karlie tried, rubbing again at the mark she knew was still there, moving her hair forward in a half-assed attempt at covering it.
Josh shook his head, eyes rolling. “I’m not an idiot, Karlie. I was fine with the over-publicized friendship, the two of you parading around the city. I’m okay saying that it was a good move for your career. But you don’t need to fuck Taylor Swift to get ahead.”
Giving in to her knee jerk reaction, Karlie shoved Josh away from her. “We didn’t fuck in the bathroom.”
The shove was enough to alert Lily to the commotion, stopping her conversation with Martha and coming to Karlie’s side.
Giving Karlie an incredulous look, pieces clicking, Josh took a step forward. “Not in the bathroom now, but you have fucked her?”
Wrapping an arm around Karlie protectively, Lily shot daggers Josh’s way. “Need I remind you two that we are in public? Does this seem like a good place for this kind of fight?”
Josh held up his hands. “We’re not fighting. Her lack of response tells me everything I need to know. I’m leaving.”
“Joshua…” Words failed as Karlie had nothing to say beyond his name, knowing he wasn’t wrong and not being ready or sober enough to explain.
With another head shake, Josh pulled his phone out. “You’re drunk. I’m calling a car. We can talk tomorrow.” Putting the phone to his ear, he walked towards the exit.
All Karlie could do was stare as Josh disappeared.
“Hey.” Lily put a hand to the back of Karlie’s head to make her look her in the eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I…” Karlie tried to let the gravity of what had happened settle. She may have blown up her long term relationship, simultaneously outing herself and Taylor, mostly Taylor since Karlie wasn’t even sure if she liked women aside from Taylor. She didn’t want to think about it. Josh was right, she was drunk. And the ache between her legs lingered. “I want a shot of tequila.”
Face still etched in concern, Lily dropped her hand to the small of Karlie’s back, starting for the bar. “Shot of tequila it is.”
Martha flanked Karlie’s other side as they bellied up to the bar. “We’re drinking tequila?”
“We are,” Karlie said decidedly. She let herself lean into Lily as things were poured, tossing the shot back without waiting for a countdown or cheers. No sooner had she downed it, when there was a pinch at her waist.
It was Taylor, a goofy smile on her face when Karlie whirled around. She pulled Karlie away and back towards the balcony. “Did your dumb boyfriend leave?”
Forgoing the details of his departure, Karlie just nodded. Ignoring Lily’s warning look as she was pulled away, she let Taylor take her to the railing, letting the added buzz of the tequila wash over her, feeling languid and loose as Taylor kept a grip on her midsection.
Down below, the band was readying for the next song, Matty suddenly pointing up at the balcony. “This song goes out to Taylor Swift.”
The opening synths started, the band launching into fallingforyou. Karlie let herself move to the music as Taylor giggled at the shoutout, giving an enthusiastic wave before tucking her head into the crook of Karlie’s neck. “I can’t believe he did that.”
“You know him, Tay, right?” Martha asked, coming up to the railing as well.
Lifting her head back out but not loosening her grip, Taylor nodded. “Met him last month.”
“And you’ve already got him dedicating songs to you, wow.” Martha poked at Taylor’s shoulder. “Someone’s popular.”
Squirming away from Martha’s touch, Taylor’s hand snaked up the back of Karlie’s shirt, hand gripping at her warm skin. “I may or may not have hooked up with him before the show. Be normal about it.”
Decidedly not feeling normal about it, Karlie’s stomach dropped. Taylor had met them at the venue and she had never thought to ask why she was already there. It wasn’t unbeknownst to Karlie that Taylor was allowed to have sex with other people. They weren’t exclusive and she herself was walking around with a whole ass boyfriend, albeit maybe not for much longer. Though it didn’t stop the jealousy from flooding her mind - to know that the floppy haired rockstar down below had had Taylor earlier that same day. That Taylor had even wanted to be with him.
“Dance with me.” Interrupting the spiral, Taylor was dangerously close to Karlie’s face again, looking at her expectantly, fingertips drumming against Karlie’s back. “If you have another shot, will you dance with me?”
“Taylor…”
Taylor nuzzled her face into Karlie’s collarbone, lips against her skin as she asked again, “Please?”
Heat thrumming in her lower abdomen, Karlie forced herself to pull away, the skin where her lips had touched practically burning. “Yes. My god. Come on.”
“Yay!”
With another round of tequila for Karlie, tequila followed by whiskey for Taylor because she insisted on them matching but didn’t want to not have her usual favorite, the two of them returned back to the edge of the balcony. Latched onto Karlie, Taylor moved right into head banging to Girls, jumping around as much as her heels allowed her to, holding onto Karlie’s hand that was slung over her shoulder.
Karlie let herself be at the whim of Taylor’s movement, hips swaying to the beat. She couldn’t help but watch her instead of the band below, short blonde hair wild as she whipped it around, the widest smile plastered to her face, fingers squeezing Karlie’s.
Singing along loudly, Taylor reached over and put a hand to Karlie’s cheek. The lights went low and Taylor buried her head back into Karlie, this time, lips purposely pressing into her skin. Her kisses were wet as they trailed upwards and Karlie’s eyes slid shut as Taylor got to her jaw, leaning her head back to give her more access. Completely lost in it, Karlie could barely hear the music anymore and suddenly, Taylor’s lips were on hers, all whiskey and the chemical bitterness of her lip stain. She licked at Karlie’s bottom lip, not hesitating as soon as Karlie parted her mouth open. A groan built in the back of Karlie’s throat when the lights flashed back on. The lights. They were front and center on a balcony in a crowded room and the lights were back.
Cheeks heating up, ears buzzing as her heart climbed up her throat, Karlie pulled away. She kept her hips moving, letting Taylor keep hold of her hand and even tightened her arm around her shoulder. She had no idea what just happened.
Taylor was none the wiser, dopey grin on her face as she hip bumped Karlie off beat. As the song wrapped up, she broke off from Karlie, basically twirling out of her grasp. “I’m getting another drink.” She flounced off before Karlie could get a word in edgewise.
Alone, it was like Karlie could feel the loss of warmth from where Taylor had been pressed against her. She gripped the balcony railing for a moment, trying to take a deep breath, looking at the sea of people below. People with phones, people whose eyes weren’t solely focused on the stage. People who very likely could have been watching them instead. Kissing. Karlie felt her face get hot and she pushed off the railing, walking quickly back to the bathrooms, not missing Taylor at the bar, straw chugging from the same glass as Alana of what looked to be a vodka soda.
The bathroom was empty, thank god. Karlie huffed out an exhale, pushing her hair from her face. Her lipstick was fucked up. Again. And the red on her neck was still there, the red that Josh saw. Moving her hair fully out of the way, Taylor had marked up the other side too. What good was expensive makeup if it was going to rub off everywhere? She flipped the tap on, grabbing a wad of paper towels to wet and scrub at the smeared lip marks. The towels were rough and she was rubbing too hard, her skin immediately reddening to the point where she couldn’t tell if she was even making a difference.
“Karlie?” Lily pushed through the door, voice gentle. “Thought I saw you rush in here. Martha just said you and Tay were making out in front of everyone.”
“We were dancing,” Karlie tried, though her tone wouldn’t have even convinced herself.
Lily raised an eyebrow. “Martha said Tay had her tongue in your mouth and I’m inclined to believe her.”
Karlie abandoned her paper towel wad, slumping over with her elbows on the counter, hands in her hair. “We were dancing,” she repeated. “And then Tay just, I don’t know, the lights were down. Do you think people saw?”
“Sweetie, the lights might have gone down, but at no point was it pitch dark. If Martha saw, there is a very good chance others did too,” Lily answered honestly.
It was what Karlie appreciated about Lily, she didn’t beat around the bush, gave things straight up. But it didn’t stop a lump from lodging itself in her throat. “I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t… I mean, you saw, Josh knows and I still…” Karlie let herself take a breath. “I don’t know what to do. Taylor just exists around me and it’s like I lose all sense of morality. I didn’t even want to push her away when she kissed me out there,” Karlie admitted. “I let her and I didn’t care.”
“But you knew she’d care?”
Karlie nodded miserably. “If she was sober right now, I doubt she would have even danced near me.”
“She’s absolutely knackered right now. Not like you’re doing too much better, Klossy. You’ve got your drunk eyes on.” Lily motioned towards Karlie’s face. “That’s always your tell, babe.”
“Nuh uh.” Karlie pushed back from the counter. “I need more tequila.”
“No you don’t.” Lily stopped Karlie with a hand to her shoulder. “Anyways, we’re not leaving this bathroom until I get that lipstick off your neck. Hold on.” Digging in her clutch, she pulled out a travel-pack makeup wipe. “Hah, knew I had one.”
“Thanks Lil.” Karlie deflated, leaning against the wall as Lily started wiping her down gently.
Lily’s tongue poked to the side of her mouth, it always did when she was concentrating. “Was Taylor trying to devour you? This is literally everywhere.”
“She…” Karlie’s mind wandered, back in the stall behind her now with Taylor’s thigh wedged between her legs, putting pressure on her center as she nipped and sucked at her pulse point, soothing each spot over with her tongue. And then just before. “She was enthusiastic.”
“Um, yeah. Some of this is not lipstick.” Lily smirked. “There we go.” She finished, throwing the wipe out. “Let’s get you some water and you stick with me the rest of the night, okay?”
Karlie nodded, taking Lily’s offered hand and following her out, getting blasted by the roar of the music. It was rare that Karlie actually felt her age, years younger than those around her. But as Lily maneuvered them through people, Karlie felt small, scared as it seemed like everyone was staring at her as they passed, like they all knew. She pressed herself closer to Lily, following her over to where Danielle was, already sipping on a water. Danielle pushed a condensation covered glass into Karlie’s hands as she plopped down on a barstool, Karlie taking the straw between her teeth.
Taylor was still oblivious, continuing to have the time of her life, Alana her new dance partner of choice. Karlie could only watch as the two screamed the lyrics at each other, jumping and grinding on one another in a way that was clearly just friendly. Nothing close to how Taylor had been with her. There was no way people hadn’t noticed. And there were so many people. Karlie should have pushed Taylor away. She could have stopped it, she should have stopped it.
Karlie’s phone pinged. She hadn’t checked it all night but now needed the distraction. There was a message from Josh - a, ‘Call me when you’re up tomorrow.’ Despite just being a text, it felt just as cold and firm as his exit had been. Karlie swiped it away. The other notification, the one that had just come through, was a Google alert for her name. She wasn’t proud of it, but she liked to know what was being said about her, good and bad. The latest headline was enough to put a rock in her stomach.
Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss more than just besties? Gal pals caught locking lips at The 1975.
/////
Traffic had subdued the energy of the car. Alana had more or less passed out with her head on Este’s shoulder. Taylor had contorted her body enough to lay in Martha’s lap. She’d been on her phone, scrolling on her tumblr, giggling to herself as she liked posts. She had since abandoned the phone, face pressing into Martha’s coat as Martha carded her fingers through her hair. Lily was slumped against the back window, arm reaching through the side gap to hold Karlie’s hand. Karlie was leaned back against the headrest, toying with Lily’s fingers.
The turn into the open garage and full stop of the car was a gentle jolt to get everyone moving again. “We’re back, ladies,” Samuel, Taylor’s driver, announced.
With the garage door safely closed, Danielle was out first, pulling open the back door to let everyone else out. “That edible hit me like a sack of bricks, I’m so fucking tired.”
Martha looked appalled, waiting for the middle row to file out. “When the hell did you take edibles and why didn’t I get one?” She coaxed Taylor up out of her lap, leaning her onto Lily so she could step out.
“They’re in my pocket and you can have one right now.” Alana reached into the pocket of her pants, pulling out a plastic baggie with three gummies in it. “They’re a little warm.”
“The orange one is the best,” Taylor slurred as she basically ragdolled, Lily trying to get her out of the car.
Grabbing onto Taylor’s limp arms, Karlie put them around her neck, squatting down so she could physically lift Taylor out and onto the concrete. “Use your feet,” she mumbled, as Taylor was dead weight against her, making them both stumble.
Este stepped in to help steady them both. “They all taste the same, you drunk ass.”
Lily finally was able to get out, shutting the door and herding everyone inside and into the elevator. “All of you need water.”
“And snacks,” Alana added.
/////
Taylor broke away from Karlie, only made it as far as the couch before face planting into the cushions.
“I’m going to bed,” Danielle announced at the same time Alana proclaimed, “We should make grilled cheeses!”
The girls dispersed throughout the apartment - Alana and Lily scrounging around the kitchen, Danielle indeed going to bed, Este, Martha and Karlie all changing into sweats.
Karlie washed her face free of makeup, stealing her favorite of Taylor’s crewnecks, a worn Philadelphia Eagles sweatshirt. Back out in the living room, Lily had Taylor sitting up, taking off her heels and helping her out of her coat.
Taylor’s eyes brightened when she saw Karlie come in. “Come sit by me now?”
Karlie stopped across from the couch, raising her brows, resolve quickly breaking. She was more frustrated than mad at the woman. The article was out there, and even though she didn’t dare look, she was sure social media was blowing up. And Taylor was blissfully unaware, mascara coming off around her eyes, skirt bunching in the middle from the way she was laying. She reached for Karlie, smiling lazily as Lily moved to go hang the coat up.
“Please, Kar?”
Softening, Karlie tucked her hands in the sleeve of the sweatshirt. “Yeah, scoot over.”
Taylor flashed a toothy grin in success and wiggled to move further down the couch, moving enough to free up a cushion. Reaching her arms over her head, she encircled Karlie’s thigh, pulling to press it to the top of her head. The position was ridiculously awkward, but Taylor seemed content.
Este and Martha coming back, Lily started doling out cups of water, setting bowls with various snacks on the coffee table. The scent of toasting butter and melting cheese filled the apartment - Alana eventually emerging with a large plate stacked with sandwiches.
Karlie had two sandwiches, trying her best to not drop crumbs in Taylor’s hair. They were perfectly browned, overly processed white bread and what was likely Kraft singles.
Taylor refused to sit upright, Martha resorting to hand feeding her pretzel sticks and ripped up pieces of grilled cheese. Forever the mom friend, Lily had found a travel tumbler with a straw for Taylor’s water, Martha offering sips between the bits of carbs.
The TV was flipped on, late night Friends reruns the easy choice. Lily was the next to drop, collecting empty cups and used napkins before retiring to her designated guest room. Barely an episode later, Alana tapped out.
Martha poked at Karlie’s calf at the next commercial break. “What do you say we tag team getting our drunk girlie into bed?”
Taylor still had an arm looped around Karlie’s thigh, her cheek fully smushed into the couch cushion, eyes shut. “No moving.”
“Yes moving.” Martha poked at Taylor’s nose making her twitch. “You’re still in your tights and friends don’t let friends sleep in their makeup.”
“It’s late, Tay.” It was late, already after two in the morning. Karlie brushed the hair away from Taylor’s face. “I’ll go to bed with you, come on.”
Taylor harrumphed, letting go of Karlie’s leg and sitting up, her eyes unfocused, but open.
Este dropped her legs from where they were propped up on the ottoman. “Martha, I thought you were gonna be my snuggle buddy tonight.”
“I am!”
Este smirked. “Good.”
“Alright, let’s go.” Not trusting Taylor to get up herself, Karlie hoisted her to her feet. She herself was a lot more alert after water and a snack, Taylor was arguably just more wobbly.
Martha trailed them to Taylor’s room. “You wanna get her pajamas, I’ll handle makeup?”
Karlie nodded, Taylor was ridiculously picky about what she wore to bed. “Heads up, she is barely helping with the whole walking thing.” She waited until Martha looked ready before transferring Taylor over.
Taylor groaned when she was out of Karlie’s arms. “Kar, I don’t want pants.”
“I know, go with Martha.”
Karlie split off to go to the walk in closet, Martha dragging Taylor the rest of the way to the bathroom. “Where you sitting, babes?” Martha asked, flicking on the light.
“Floor.” Taylor tried to drop right where they were standing, Martha struggling to catch her.
“No, god, at least let me…” Martha managed to get Taylor close enough to the vanity to prop her up against the lower cabinet. “There you go.”
Taylor’s legs splayed out in front of her, posture drooping before her whole body jolted with a hiccup. It was enough to make hair fall in her face, Taylor reaching a heavy arm to push it away. “Where’s Karlie?”
Martha shook her head, Taylor so clearly out of it. “Getting you pajamas, you dork.” She located makeup remover and cotton rounds in one of the drawers, soaking a round and squatting down to Taylor’s level.
Taylor scrunched her face as Martha got to work wiping off the caked on foundation, stained red on her lips, really having to rub at her eyeliner. “I don’t want pants,” she repeated, hiccuping again as Martha grabbed another round.
“She knows, don’t worry.” Martha held an anchoring hand against Taylor’s head to keep her in place. Taylor slumped down further, making the job more difficult. “Tay… stay put.”
Jerking upright with a louder hiccup, Taylor forced Martha’s hand away. “I don’t feel very good.”
Martha abandoned the cotton rounds on the counter. “Shit, okay. Hold on.” She helped Taylor basically crawl across the floor to the toilet, getting her head positioned over the open bowl. “There you go, babe.”
Arms wrapping around the seat, Taylor’s next hiccup turned into a gag.
Martha gathered Taylor’s hair, holding it in a makeshift ponytail. “Karlie!”
“I'm right here, why are you- oh.” Karlie stopped in the doorway, picked out clothing in hand.
Taylor groaned, lurching forward with a retch, Martha having to catch her head with her free hand.
Setting the clothes on the counter, Karlie joined the other two on the floor, taking over the hair holding. “I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to get sick.”
“I thought we had staved it off for her with the water and snac- oh my god,” Martha interrupted herself, pulling her hand back as Taylor curled over with a particularly loud retch, stomach contents emptying into the bowl.
Karlie started to rub circles on Taylor’s back gently. “Tay was mixing drinks, always a recipe for disaster.”
“And substances.” Martha winced as Taylor vomited again. “Didn’t she have one of the gummies?”
“Yeah. A full one too, I think.”
“Nuh uh, just a half,” Taylor spoke up, in a moment of reprieve to defend herself, voice muffled and echoed with her face buried in the porcelain bowl.
“Sorry, just a half,” Karlie corrected for Taylor’s sake, despite her current state and that she’d likely not have any memory of the conversation.
“I’m gonna go get her some water,” Martha said, standing up. “You got her for a second?”
“Yup.” Karlie adjusted her hold on Taylor’s hair as she groaned, lolling her head to the side.
“This is gross.” Taylor spat in the toilet before collapsing back into Karlie.
Karlie reached to unroll a bit of toilet paper, cleaning up Taylor’s face, wiping the vomit from her chin and snot from her nose, knowing Taylor would inevitably try to snuggle up against her. She was right, Taylor burying face in Karlie’s chest as soon as she pulled the tissue away, tossing it in the bowl. “Are you done throwing up?”
Instead of answering the question, Taylor dug further into Karlie. “I want water.”
“Martha is getting you some,” Karlie said gently, scooting back to lean against the wall, needing something to anchor herself from Taylor’s aggressive snuggle. Taylor moved with her, tights clad legs slipping against the tile. “You okay for me to get these concert clothes off you?”
Taylor let out a chuckle. “Just say you want me naked, Kar. Pretty risky though since Martha’s gonna be right back with my water.” Her slurred, awful flirting attempt was punctuated by another hiccup.
“I’m going to put pajamas on you,” Karlie said with a huff. “You need to tell me if you’re going to throw up anymore, okay?” She moved Taylor off of her so she was sitting on her own, getting the clothes she had put on the counter and getting to work taking off her skirt.
“You know your eyes turn gray when you’re mad,” Taylor mused as Karlie tugged her tights off. “Like a stormy ocean.”
“Yeah? Not a stormy sea?” Karlie asked, mentioning the obvious alliteration as she tossed the tights aside. They were likely trash, multiple runs and snags having ruined the fabric.
“Mmhmm.” Taylor gave a heavy nod through Karlie pulling her top off. “But when I kissed you tonight they were blue. Dark blue.”
Karlie bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from visibly reacting. She hated it. That even as a sick, drunken mess, emphasis on the mess, Taylor still had the ability to make her go mush on the inside.
“Dark blue is so pretty, cobalt, midnight blue,” Taylor babbled as Karlie unhooked her bra, slipping it off her arms. “But my favorite is in the sunshine, ‘cuz in the sunshine…” she had to pause to hiccup, Karlie getting the large henley shirt she had picked out over her head. “The sun makes them turn green. Like aurola bor-” she scrunched her face as Karlie got one arm in. “Aurora boree, bora?” Screwing her eyes shut, she pushed away from Karlie as soon as she got the second arm through the other sleeve. “Okay maybe I am gonna throw up again.”
Finishing pulling the shirt down to cover Taylor, Karlie got her draped over the toilet again, returning to her hair holding duties.
“Water delivery,” Martha announced, coming back in with Este trailing behind her.
“I told her not to get cross-faded,” Este tutted, sinking down next to Karlie. “This is what always happens.”
Martha grabbed a section of floor as well, passing the water glass over to Karlie. “Like she’s ever going to listen to you.”
“Este’s not my mom,” Taylor choked out.
“And what would sweet Andrea say about your current state, Taylor Alison?” Este shot back.
Taylor swallowed pointedly, turning her head away from the toilet bowl. “My daughter’s a fuckin’ lightweight.”
Este scoffed. “If you were a lightweight, you would literally be dead right now. You put an obscene amount of alcohol in your body.” She gave Taylor’s leg a good natured squeeze. “Gonna go ahead and assume you didn’t eat a proper dinner tonight either.”
The following silence was response enough from Taylor, a wave of guilt washing over Karlie. It was the worst kept secret in their group that Taylor had a shitty relationship with food - while she was usually better at eating around the group, she had a tendency to skip meals when left to her own devices. Left on her own, she apparently chose having sex with a ratty, British musician over dinner. Karlie and the rest of the girls had spent three hours eating tapas at a Spanish place prior to the show. She hadn’t even thought of asking Taylor if she’d eaten as she had watched her down drinks throughout the night.
But no one had asked and no one had stopped her - Taylor lurching back over the bowl, just throwing up liquid.
/////
Head against the tiled wall of the bathroom, Karlie hit her phone home button to check the time. She stifled a yawn, trying to adjust her sitting position without jostling Taylor’s head in her lap too much, petting her hair when Taylor let out a small moan at the movement.
“We can stay up with her if you wanna go to bed, Kar,” Martha offered, gesturing to herself and Este.
“No.” Karlie shook her head. “I want to stay with her, I don’t know if this is the last…” she sighed. “Just, it’s fine. I’m good.”
“Okay, I didn’t want to say anything in the car, but what the hell do you think is going to happen tomorrow?” Este asked.
“Is it because she had sex with Matty?”
Este’s face twisted. “When the fuck did she have sex with Matty?”
“Before the show, before we all got there,” Karlie said softly.
“Wait.” Este held up a hand. “Is that why you brought Josh?”
“No, I had always planned on bringing Josh. I wanted him to hang out with everybody more.”
Este and Martha shared a look, Martha giving a shrug and Este turning back to look at Karlie.
“What?”
“I’m just trying to make sense of everything here,” Este started. “Tay pre-show booty called with Matty before you brought Josh to come spend some quality time with our shit show group. But after a wee bit of booze, you and Taylor decided to go at it in the bathroom? Danielle said you all were practically fucking when she came in.”
Feeling more than a little judged, Karlie’s stare hardened. “Taylor and I…” Still not fully sober, Karlie’s throat choked up with the want to cry and she snapped her mouth shut, lower lip trembling.
“Hey.” Martha reached over, rubbing Karlie’s arm. “I know things are complicated. We’re not chastising what you have with Tay.”
“Yeah. Kar, I am the last person who is going to preach superior morality to you,” Este jumped in. “I genuinely just don’t know what the fuck happened tonight and why you’re acting like this is your last night ever with Taylor.”
Trying to keep herself together, Karlie nodded, a soft sob slipping out. She pressed her palms under her eyes to quell the tears. “Everything is gonna be different, I just feel it. We got careless and now Josh is pissed at me. He didn’t know about me and Tay until tonight.”
“How?” Este was shocked.
“He’s busy.” Karlie shrugged. “And I’ve always been touchy and affectionate with friends. But I was stupid and I don’t know what he’s going to say tomorrow and Tree is going to flip out. Who knows what her team is going to put out to cover this up. We ruined things.” Karlie wasn’t able to hold back the next sob, face crumpling. “We have all this stuff for Vogue coming out soon too. And the VS show. This is so bad.”
Martha pulled Karlie into a one armed hug. “Sweetie, it might not be that bad. You don’t even know who saw.”
Karlie sniffed through another sob. “It’s on the internet already, people saw us kiss.”
Este reached into her back pocket for her phone, typing away. “Okay, okay. Wait, Karlie this looks like it was shot on a fucking flip phone.” She turned the phone around to show the screen. “It’s super low quality, babe, you can barely tell it’s the two of you.”
“There’s video of us dancing too that you can definitely tell is us. People are writing articles.” Karlie knew the photos weren’t overly incriminating, but it was enough. Tree would have to do damage control, Taylor making sure she stayed deep inside the closet where she wanted to be. Karlie scrunched her face, trying and failing to fight back the next sob. “I don’t want things to change,” she managed. Just drunk enough still to lack control over her emotions, the tears just kept coming, Karlie’s nose starting to run.
Martha plucked a few tissues from above the toilet, handing them over. “You think this is going to change your relationship with Taylor?”
Karlie nodded, wiping at her nose with the tissues. She couldn’t really figure out how to properly articulate everything swirling around in her head. The notion that Josh knew about the affair somehow made her want to hold onto him tighter. That even if she could make herself let Josh go, she wasn't even sure she’d want a monogamous relationship with Taylor - because they’d never had one. Because Taylor, while privately out as bisexual, did love the protection of her public closet. And beyond that, had made it clear to Karlie for the past year that everything with Dianna had made her scared to commit again, that she was having fun being with new people. Despite Karlie knowing that aside from tonight with Matty, ‘new people’ had just been her since Big Sur. Which is probably why the knowledge of the hookup stung so much. Why him and why now?
Karlie’s rambling inner thought process was interrupted by Taylor curling into herself with a groan on her lap, breath hitching.
Martha was quicker than Karlie, maneuvering Taylor up and over the toilet, pulling back her hair as she was violently ill again. “Get it all up, Tay. We’ve got ya.”
With Taylor off her lap, Karlie pulled her knees to her chest, tears still flowing. Somehow, Martha being the one to comfort Taylor instead of her was enough to keep her crying.
“Karlie, come here.” Este scooted away from where she was leaning against the vanity, holding her arms out.
Karlie gulped back another sob, closing the short distance between them, letting Este pull her into a hug as she let herself fall apart.
“I didn’t realize you were this drunk too.” Este held Karlie tight, rubbing her back. “Kar, it really is going to be okay.”
/////
The room was bathed in early morning sun as Karlie’s eyes cracked open. Stifling a groan, she squeezed them shut again. Pressing her fingertips into the swollen skin, it did little to ease the burning dryness after effect of her drunk crying from the night before. Her mouth was just as dry and she sat up, reaching for the glass of water on the side table, chugging half of it down.
A phone buzzed noisily with a call from the other bedside table, Martha having had the good sense to plug in both girls’ phones before they went to bed. The vibration against the wood was enough to accentuate the ache spreading behind Karlie’s forehead. It’s probably what had woken her up.
It hadn’t caused Taylor to stir yet, still dead asleep, cheek smushed against the edge of her pillow, mouth breathing with blonde hair sticking to her sweaty forehead.
The noise stopped, Karlie letting herself sink back against her own pillow, willing the water she just drank to clear her head. She had just let her eyes slip shut again when the buzzing started right back up. “What the hell?” Sitting herself back up and craning a look over at the table, it was Taylor’s phone that was lit up - Tree was calling. Staring at it with bleary eyes, Karlie watched it ring through, going back to the lock screen. It was 8:09 and Tree had called eleven times. “Taylor.” She nudged at Taylor’s calf with her foot under the covers.
Taylor groaned, flipping to her other side.
The phone lit up again and the buzzing felt like it was getting stronger. Karlie cleared her throat and tried louder. “Taylor.” Another foot to leg nudge.
“Shut it off,” Taylor moaned, voice coming out weak and raspy.
“It’s Tree.”