Chapter Text
If you heard the name of Livia Cardew today, the media would tell you that she was the first lady of Panem. The infamous wife of President Coriolanus Snow. But would anyone ever believe her if she said that he hated her when they were younger. Livia could admit she was rude to him but out of the bullying she had done to him when they were small. Livia wouldn’t mention it to him. She never would mention it to anyone who wasn't buried with her father.
Jealousy. That’s what it was. She hated seeing him with his mother, or his cousin or Grandma. The Cardews were relatively new money when her mother had gotten the bank up and running the Capitol. She’d grown up around maids, workers, and generally just the help. Her father had been asked to serve off in the war, and she felt sick to her stomach seeing him out with his Grandma being so loved as she stood off to the side with one of the nannies taking care of her. Nannies whose names she could never seem to remember. She’d just call them by number normally.
“You're coming back right?” She had asked her father before he was off to serve. She should’ve noticed his worried face and the light tear sliding down his cheeks. He ruffled her hair and gave her a small kiss on the cheek. “Of course I am, Livvy” she was met with bad news a month later, and an empty casket to bury. Her mother threw herself into work more than ever. Coriolanus was an orphan. He got attention from his grandmother and cousin but he was an orphan so technically it wasn’t bullying if she told the truth? But calling him an orphan didn’t feel so right when she still saw how Tigris hugged him tightly and spent the most time with him that she could. Would Livia count as an orphan if her father was dead and her mother’s attention scattered around her childhood and her teenage years.
She couldn’t deny that when they had gotten into the academy, he had become a rather ‘handsome and charming’ young man, her maid's words, not hers. He grew taller, his curls had been more defined, his shoulders broader and when she first saw him. Gosh, Livia was staring to the point that Diana had to snap her out of it. The more the school year went by, the more she fell for his charm and his wit. He was smart. Livia would be dumb to say he wasn’t. But the more he was her classmate the more she grew to despise him. He was always top of the class. A special student to most of the professors, except Casca Highbottom who didn’t care to hide his distinct dislike of Coriolanus. Once again, the green monster called jealousy walked right beside her.
She couldn’t deny it in herself even though she wanted to refuse the facts. She wanted him to like her back, there wasn’t a girl in class with Coriolanus who could say they didn’t. He hadn’t dated anyone during their time at the academy and every day the thought would enter into Livia’s mind that he liked her back and was just waiting for her to say something. She deluded herself into thinking since he refused to date other people, he was clearly waiting for her.
Last year on the day before winter break at the academy. It’s like his true self broke through and the charm had gotten into her heart. His lips felt the way she imagined they did, warm and sweet…tasting like posca but between the party they had gone to she didn’t care for it. This was all her dreams had been about, well minus the alley way.
It seemed that after winter break when she walked in with a happy expression ready for his love confession and he had walked right past her as if she didn’t even exist to him. Let’s just say her mascara had to be reapplied before she got to lunch. When she sat talking with Diana and had seen the giggles he exchanged with Clemensia, a tear threatened to run. She sucked it back up when she had truly realized she was being delusional. Seriously delusional. Clemensia. She was pretty, had long dark black hair with those brown eyes that he seemed to always be looking at. Livia let the thought cross that she wasn’t his type.
When Livia had got home and stared at the hand held mirror while she was getting ready for bed, she just uttered the words. “What if I dyed my hair?” her nanny, number four or rather Helen, looked down at her. She ran a finger through her blonde locks. “Why? You have your father’s color.” is all she said to let that thought go down the drain of ever dying it. She stared into the mirror as she stared down her features. She looked a lot like her father, one of the reasons Livia thinks that is why her mother refuses to look her in the eye.
“You ever-it’s stupid.” She stopped herself before she even started. “No no. Tell me what’s going on.” Helen insists, and Livia would fire her if she hadn’t been so reassuring at times. Livia placed down the mirror, and turned to face her. “Have you ever liked a boy who doesn’t like you back?” She asked her, feeling the question stupid now coming out of her mouth. She was falling like this over a boy really..that might be the most embarrassing thing she has ever done. “Is there a boy who’s making you upset?” she asks, and Livia immediately shakes her head. She’d never shared that she’d like Coriolanus with her closest friends, and no one alive but her might ever realize how hard she’d fallen for him. “Course not!” She answers, and a scowl is present where the frown used to shine. Livia turns back around, feeling her attempts at communicating futile as she looks at the mirror once again.
“Livvy..any boy would be lucky to have you.” Helen tells her using the nickname she had only let her father call her when he was alive. “I know.” She says back. But the one I want doesn’t. “If the boy doesn’t like you back..then there’s no use giving him any mind.” It wasn’t the worst advice Livia had heard in her time of being alive, better than the suck it up or cry methods she had used to get through the years. “Thank you. Helen” She says, and once she hears the nanny walk out of her room. She decides that she doesn’t want to spend another minute staring at herself. Hard to not give him any mind when everytime she sees snow outside of her window, her mind flashes back to the smile he gave her in the alley way, and then the grimace on his face when he saw her after.
The jealousy she felt towards him, the love, and the hurt she got when he didn’t realize it was her at the alley behind the train station. She was so upset at that time, but the months had passed since early January, it was July now. She had stopped thinking about him. The snow had been melted away by the sun. It was time for the games, it was all she could think about as she got herself ready for the morning. Mentor. Mentor. Summer was going to be an all new her, not fantasizing about Coriolanus or getting so upset about him. She stared into the mirror one last time before she had officially decreed herself ready to step outside into the world.
“Happy hunger games!” Her nanny had shouted out as she was opening the door. She had a good feeling about these games, like they’ll be one to remember.