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Chapter Text

Ray drove the rest of the band together in a small, beaten up van, littered in stickers and drawings on the back doors. Gerard sat in the first row of the backseat with frank and matt, as mikey sat quietly in the front, often more than not, just checking in the rearview mirrors to see if the hairspray kept his hair teased and messy in the way he wanted it. Gerard leaned his head against the car door window and he closed his eyes, having lacked sleep from staying up and drawing comic strips for his own sole amusement. The vehicle sat quiet and awkward with no one uttering up a single sound, and the vehicle shaking around, causing annoying squeaks to emit. Frank had no bother to put on his seatbelt, so he simply crawled over to the front of the van and reached an arm to the radio, he turned it to a random station that played an assortment of misfits songs, and other punk songs they couldn't identify, anything but pop music. Frank quietly crawled back into his seat, having saved the atmosphere, matt stared at the car ceiling, bored out of his mind, he was daydreaming, but basically half asleep too, while gerard had fallen completely asleep by this point, Ray was just happy that he wasnt left at a gas station or on the side of the road by accident.

Mikey watched the light horizon become a faint grey as the sun began to hide behind a thick layer of Jersey sky and smog. Sooner than not, the group pulled into the driveway of the studio. Ray parked the best he could, but it didn't matter anyways. Gerard awoke on his own, just in time, and rubbed his foggy eyes, he climbed, sleepily out of the van, lastly, with the help of matt's trustful hand. They walked inside, and Mikey couldnt seem to stop catching glimpses of Ray while they practiced and discussed other album ideas, names, and what they decided would be good to close their first album. It meant a lot to everyone, this album, because it held so much sentiment and meaning behind it all, its only right to put in the effort, through 9/11 to zombies in a mall, to the bodies of a thousand evil men to save your hot demon wife, this album was going to get people to understand the meaning of My chemical romance. Even, when its still barely in its second album, but being that its still 2002, and they are just finishing, and now recording everything, to put it on shelves, and hopefully get good feedback. But, pushing these thoughts aside, Ray began to find himself staring at mikey for minutes, not listening to the other around him, not that he meant to of course, but he was, least to say, pretty looking, a very pretty boy indeed. He had messy teased hair that was soaked in cheap hairspray, always, he always wore shirts that were fitted or too small, they always accentuated his girl-curves and feminine hips, he was mistaken for a girl often, believe it or not. He always wore light washed or grey flared jeans, that always fit him, they were never too small, like those scene queens you see on tv, never too big like those 'gangsters' that you think of when you see someone wearing their pants halfway down their knees, god people are stupid, wear a belt for godsake, people!! He wore his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and over the sides of his bangs. He had a very straight fringe, it was a deep side part that covered lots of his face, and caused him too have problems seeing, even though he wore glasses. He wasnt the biggest fan of jewelry, but thin chains or a necklace wouldnt mind. He always wore dirty white converse, ones that were around 3 years old, surprisingly still intact. He just looked so pretty, even if he was a nerdy little teenager, still going through voice cracks and angst. He loved all the music Ray did, so it was very easy for them to agree on music terms. He had hip problems that affected the way he stood, he always had his knees buckled into one another, because he would have one of his legs give out randomly, or he would get severe cramps through his entire body if he neglected to stand that way. Mikey caught ray staring, he looked back at him, he smiled softly, and ray looked away, hiding the pale pink color, illuminating his face now. Mikey walked a few seats down, to wait for the discussion to be done, and to finally record demolition lovers and cubicles. Mikey sat next to Ray, and laid himself down on the chair, knees up, and his head resting on Rays soft shoulder. The two nary a word the entire time, but they communicated through their eyes and faces. The practice and recording had taken about 2 long hours to do, but when the group finally arrived at a burger king parking lot, they all sat and talked, with the radio low, this time, matt drove, and they didnt neglect ray on the side of the road either. Ray and Mikey cuddled, both knowing how they meant it, but trying to imply that it was ZERO HOMO. Tho, neither one of them were straight, and it was always doubted that anyone else in the band was, except maybe Matt, full blown HOMOS. Been called f-gg-ts TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT. Especially mikey and gee. "Hey, R-" Frank started, gerard put a hand to his mouth and snapped a quick picture with his fancy flip phone. *click* "shuddup!" Gee whispered, "their sleeping." Frank threatened to bite gerards hand, so he let go, and he simply fell back into the passenger seat again. The two were fast asleep, while the others ordered burger king, ordering for the other two as well. 

Everyone had agreed to have a 'sleepover', if its still called that, at Franks house, since his parents didnt care, and they were both going to work the night shift till 8 the next morning, so he took the opportunity to do something fun for once. They all drove back to Frankies house, and, while the two sleeping beautys in the backseat wanted to do anything but wake up and climb over the seats, they had to. Then everyone had everything set up in the living room, a tv propped up on a large stand, gee fiddled with the chords on the back of the HUGE television. They decided on back to the future being the one, and they watched all 3, as they fell asleep. Ray laid on a makeshift bed, on a sofa, Mikey laid ontop of his chest, having been asleep for about an hour now. Gerard, frank, and matt, all sat huddled together on a couch next to the other two, all covered in blankets, since the cold jersey weather wasn't always ideal. Ray began to drift, being the last to fall asleep, during the 3rd, and last movie. Everyone had gotten ready for bed hours ago, but mikey decided not to, he kicked off his shoes, and brushed out his tangled hair, he set his glasses aside, and somehow was still in uncomfortable jeans. Ray got uncomfortable himself, and forced mikey to wear a spare set of clothes he had, and they ran big on him, since he had yet to hit his final growth spurt, standing at an astonishing, 5'8 at the time. While Ray was near 6 feet, it was quite funny. He wore a thin misfits shirt, and a pair of comfy black sweatpants, he stumbled over to ray again, then fell back asleep, and now ray fell back to a deep slumber, dreaming of mikeys cute hazel eyes, looking in his own, someday, with the couple, in a loving kiss, oh, how he wished.

Chapter Text

Mikey walked through the door, he was just back from gee's, he had to go see him since he was sick, and he wanted to give his sympathy. "Hey, rayray! Im hoooome" mikey announced. He had no reply, thinking not much of it, maybe ray was just sleeping, he closes the door and sets his small bag down. He sauntered through the short hallway, and into a bedroom shared by the couple, since it was a relatively small place the boys had stayed when not on tour or not at gerard's. He opened the creaky door to see- "ray? Ray.. ray?!" nothing..
Ray shot out from the bathroom behind mikey, "h-hi? You a-alright?" Ray croaked, almost as if he had just woke up. "Whew..yes! I am, i was wondering where you were.." mikey then notices a glare in his eyes, is he alright?
"Ah..well im glad your home." Ray softly spoke, he paced his way over to mikey and hugged his waist, tightly, almost too tight. Mikey hummed, "are you alright, pretty boy?" Ray threw back no response, but the slowing of his breathing. "Ray-ray?" Mikey lifted his head from his own shoulder, and he looked at the boys face, it was always cheery and so full of happiness, he was always joyful, but he seemed to look rather bitter, and sad, it worried mikey when he saw a shine in his eyes, and his puffy eyelids.
"Ray..do you want to talk to me about anything in particular?"
"i j- i just havent really, uhm..had a- good day..?" He choked
He's lying.
Mikey thought.
"Your lying, what happened?" Mikey whispered, he didnt want to make ray anxious, ontop of whatever he was feeling already.
Ray sighed, shakily.
"i- i have been..sorta upset while you were gone, i- i know it was just a day- but.." He stopped for a second, he reclaimed himself, and decided to not lie this time, it was no use anyways.
"I feel..ugly.."
Mikey searched his mind to find what was right to say.
Ray? Ugly? Those things should never be in the same sentence, let alone does ray think that himself! Mikey couldnt wrap his head around it, ray was the most majestic thing he had ever seen! There had never been anything like him.
"And who told you this? Your the prettiest boy- person. Ive ever seen!"
Mikey assured, ray began to put himself down more, though, almost as if he doubted mikey really felt this way.
"But- mikey.. im not skinny like you are, my eyes arent pretty like yours, or gerards..i dont have pretty girl curves like you, i dont have a good fashion style-" it began to break mikeys heart as he heard ray go on and on about things that were certainly not true about himself, "im a nerd, i-"
Ray began to choke on sobs now.
It was a sad thing to see.
"Im sorry im bothering you the second you get home, this is what i mean."
Mikeys heart had officially shattered into a million pieces.
"Infact, everything you just said was wrong. You may not be as skinny as me, but i dont need to see your bones to still know your beautiful, and if i could, i would look into your eyes until the universe collapsed, you may not have the curves i do, but that sure as hell doesnt make you any less hot, whoever tells you so is wrong as hell. You have great fashion too, and..so what if your a nerd? I am too, i love you for it. I want you to know how perfect you are, there are no words in this language, or any for that matter, that can describe how perfect you are, you are one of a kind, there will never be another Ray Toro, because no one can be like you, your the prettiest sight i have ever seen, anyday and everyday, i think of you, i have seen many models, many people, many sunsets, and many paintings, but none have ever compared to how beautiful you really are, dont you ever forget it." Ray then wouldve almost collapsed into mikey, if it werent for the kiss that followed shorty after. Mikey pulled him in from his shoulders, as rays grip on him had left and fallen to his hips now. It lasted for what seemed like forever, but was less than a minute. Ray stopped crying, and could now form words, but chose not to.
"Should i just show you how pretty you are?" Mikey said
Ray thought of the many things that mikey could mean by that, but he then analysed his tone,  he knew what that meant.

Chapter Text

"Cmon Mikes! We're gonna be late!!" Ray called from the front door, waiting for him to finish getting ready.
"GEEEEEZ!! Hold- on- a- sec-" Mikey Tripped over his words as he regretted choosing to wear boots of all things.
"Mikey..why the fuck are you wearing boots???" Ray questioned, silently losing lots of time
"Its winter, im grumpy, and its cold, ray." Mikey said with an attitude.
Ray chuckled.
"Cmon then blondie, we don't have much time." Ray dragged Mikey's bag out the door and into the car and Mikey ran to get his phone. Ray sat in the car, and Mikey quickly emerged, locking the front door and nearly tripping over the car. He then ran inside and closed the door, shocked, and fucking freezing.
Ray looked at him intently "its not that cold, Mikey." Ray started "it is only 60°f."
"WELL IM SKINNY. Im a literal string-bean, so i need to have tons of layers." Mikey shot
Ray looked back at the steering wheel, then at the radio. He nodded, thinking of the actuality of his words.
"Yea..guess thats true." Ray admitted "OKAY, we are late, lets boogie!!"
Mikey chuckled softly as ray, at least to say, tried his best to get out of the driveway quickly and smoothly, but ray was never the best at getting out of driveways. Hehe..driveways.
Anyway!
They get out of the driveway, safely enough. They, as quick as possible, take off to Gerard and franks apartment, and get there only about 5 minutes late.
The radio builds a soft atmosphere between the two, as they talk quietly, and Mikey shivers, under 5 million goddamn layers of clothing, that is. They arrive, and Gee rushed out the door in a beeline to the passenger seat door when they park. Gerard hurriedly swings the door open and attacks Mikey, his warmth making Mikey smile. Mikey grinned and hugged gee for a second, and ray couldn't help but to find himself also smiling, how could two people this pretty even be real? Let alone, one of them is mine to keep, and the other is my best friend. Ray hadn't noticed frank who had crept up his side of the car, he whispered to him..
"Prettiest siblings alive, right?"
Ray nodded, Frank was very true.
Gerard let go and flipped his bright red hair, he let Mikey out, as if he were a piece of glass, or if he were a very dainty and proper queen of some sorts. Then, holding Mikey's hand, Gerard dragged him inside, to show him the lovely decor that Gerard and frank had put up for the Christmas season. Ray and frank followed shortly after, locking the doors of course. The two brother were sat on the couch, cuddled up, talking about their love for Christmas, but Mikey disdained to gee that he hated the cold with a passion.
Mikey looked so content and happy when sitting there in Gerard's warmth, and happy festive energy. Ray smiled and looked over at frank, who also had a happy grin on his face. They both liked seeing the brothers together, when they were, they were always the happiest, a happy that is so hard to achieve, only the one you could give them if you are getting married, kind of  happy..
Ray sat on the opposite side of Gerard, next to Mikey's head, where it rested on Gerard's shoulder, with him nested on his lap, they were so close, most siblings i know of hate each other with a passion, but these two love each other more than they love themselves, which im sure isn't much, ok bad analogy, more than the value of pi. It was weird, but nice to see. Ray sunk into the couch, and noticed frank on the opposite side of Gerard, where Mikey's feet were. Which the two had already kicked off their shoes and set them neatly by the door. The apartment was warm and welcoming, it was nicely decorated and had a happy energy. There stood a fireplace with tv mounted on it and a Christmas tree beside it. Once the brothers stopped talking, there laid a silence for only a few seconds. Gerard looked at the two boys beside him, then back at Mikey.
"Should we watch a movie?"
Gerard suggests, none of the others oppose, so he flicks on the tv and hands the remote to Ray. "You pick the movie, these two" Gerard says, glaring and pointing at frank and Mikey. "Suck at picking good things, so you do it instead." Ray chuckled and nods and he flips through the Netflix shows. Mikey lays on frank instead this time, even if frank is also relatively lanky and skinny like Mikey, he was always as hot as a heater. Frank knew that Mikey had temperature problems due to his figure, so he let him rest there, he wrapped an assured hand around him too. While ray did feel sorta jealous, he knew that frank loved Gee too much to even think of Mikey in that way. They were close friends since forever, and cuddling certainly didn't always mean lovers. Mikey was just cold, so he pushed his thoughts aside and let it happen. Gerard came back with a few blankets, and Mikey shot up, shivers falling down his spine, and frank let go of him.
"STUART!!" Mikey yelled, and Gee threw him a purple fluffy blanket with unicorns on it, one that they remembered from around 2005, the year he fucked like half of Jersey and ALL of warped tour, and i don't blame him, if i were world famous and as hot as he was, i would let Pete Wentz and Gabe Saporta rail me too!
"You named it Stuart???" Frank laughed, behind his hand. Ray chuckles a bit too and he picked a movie, a scary one at that, its fun scaring Mikey, rather rude, but fun. Gee smiled
"Yep! He named his old ass unicorn blanket Stuart for some reason, don't ask me, it was probably all the cocaine." Mikey knew Gerard was just joking, but the thing is, it was because of the cocaine, honestly. Gerard threw the other two blankets as Frank stopped laughing. Gerard turned off the main lights and settled down, holding Mikey. The title popped up.
Gerard recognised the name.
"Good one, ray-ray. Mikey is gonna absolutely lose his shit tho" He chuckled
"And thats exactly why i put it on, Cherry."
Gerard giggled, 'i guess i do sorta look like a cherry..'
Mikey glared at Ray through the dark, and laid back on Gerard. He nestled in Gee's warmth, slowly falling asleep, before the scary parts happen, so he wont get nightmares, DONT BLAME HIM HE HAS TRAUMA FROM THE PARAMOUR MANSION. Ray laid on Mikey's soft knees, and Frank laid back against Gee's legs, still on the opposite side. Gerard noticed that Mikey had already fallen asleep, so he threw the blanket on him. He smiled, poor Mikes.  Gerard thought, He must've stayed awake for awhile, he looks like he hasn't slept in days. Mikey still felt cold, but Gerard knew he was warm. He was wrapped up in the other three, and four fluffy blankets. Gerard also begins to drift off, and Ray noticed that Frank had fallen asleep too. He looked at everyone, and then at the TV, the movie was near over, so he just turned it off anyways, he stared wonderingly at Mikey's sleeping face, he wondered what Mikey dreamt of that gave him such a content look during his slumber. He wanted to enter the mind of Mikey fuckin' James Way, and see all the weird shit he could find. Did Mikey dream of unicorns? Gerard? Ray? Comics? What was it? Ray really wondered, and it kept him up till the morning, he then fell asleep, not feeling very tired, but still needing the sleep, otherwise.

Chapter Text

TW: this chapter deals with bulimic and eatiing disorder mentions, it also mentions heavy use of self harm in the form of cutting, if you are easily triggered or off put by any of these things, i recommend that you dont go farther than this, and skip to the next chapter, if you are going through any of this stuff, im sorry, and i suggest you get professional help, it gets better 🫶

I stare at myself in the mirror. I look overweight again, ive let myself go, i think, i stare at my bare chest, my bare legs, and my arms, i just stare in disgust at my nearly naked body. Scars littered across my chest, my upper arms, my wrists, my thighs, my lower legs, my ankles, my stomach, and just really anywhere. Some, few really, had turned white and bumped over the years as they healed, but failed to ever go away, no matter how hard i try. And most of the others..not to say the same, most other ones were deep shades of blood red and a dark indigo, or some type of purplish-blue. I had a dull razor from a box i had found from back behind the shelves when i was cleaning at my old job at barns & noble, back in..2000? God, who knows. But, i never really let go of this razor, i have never had a different one, it has always stayed slipped between the same pages of my ragged and torn up diary from back when i was in junior high, i dont even know why i still have it, but since the people i am friends with actually value my friendship, and guve me privacy, unlike some of my past ones, they have most likely never even thought of looking through my diary, or asking me about scars. I was using tons of drugs since around 2003 or so, i got really bad during three cheers for sweet revenge and warped '05, when i fucked or got fucked by anyone and everyone that crossed my path that was old enough, i feel so bad for Alicia now that i think about it...she didnt deserve what she got..i was so depressed and sad, she deserved so much better than whatever the fuck i was, i dont know how she managed to love me as much as she did for as long as she did. Besides the point though! I never got sober off drugs, the last time I remember being fully sober was back in '04. I miss the way i used to be, i was so young, so pretty, i sounded better, i had so much ahead of me too, and i threw it all behind me like it never mattered, and now im this way. Im glad that Gee and Frank have been sober for as long as they have, i dont believe Ray did many drugs, i think he tried, but never really liked them. I hate speaking of..Bob..but..he was pretty bad too, he used to put me down and throw me around like i was worthless, like i was just another useless being, and when the others found out about how he treated me all those years, they threatened to kick him from the band, but hes still here for some reason, but whenever he is around, Gerard doesnt let him even look in my direction, if he does, he gets a hard fist to his face, and franks stiff shoes to his ballsack, and rays glare, if Ray werent as nice as he were, we all know that he would have beat the life out of bob, literally. He said before that if he did anything again, he would get a gun to the head from Ray, no questions asked, and frank always makes me feel safe, even if he is rly short, he is tough, has a pretty intimidating demeanour, over all, and can for fucking sure throw a punch. Bob is a good drummer, but a fucking asshole. I hate him for how he treated me, even if i feel like part of me kinda deserved it. I feel like i still need the everloving fuck beaten out of me sometimes. I have never liked the way my body looked, i was proportioned in a weird, lanky way, i was always tall and thin, like a spaghetti noodle, kinda. If i get touched too hard, i get severely bruised for 5 months after it. I barely can hold up my own body sometimes, and i have the worst hip problems ever, so i stand weirdly, people also call it 'awkward kneez?' Something like that. Me and Ray have been dating for quite a bit now, we had an open relationship when i got with Alicia, and he began dating christa(i love christa, so dont take this to heart.), then we both got back on terms when we broke up with them, then i think, a few years, or months after we started dating again, i finally decided i wanted to have my first..sexual experience with a man? If you would like to call it that, or just call it gay sex. And i got so horny that i think Ray actually may have broken my hip, because he railed me so hard, my hips still hurt, and i still have bruises in the same spots i did back then all those years ago. I-
"Mikes? Ya in there? Why is the door locked?" I shook my thoughts from my mind. Ray. FUCK! He knows how to pick locks and if he finds me- i. Am. DOOMED.
"Uhhh- y-yea..im..getting dressed, hold on- uhm..just a sec." I sputtered, almost coming out gibberish. I felt rays presence never leave the door way, he was still there and wasnt going away, and if i took too long, he would pick the lock, and i knew it..so i quickly put away my diary and stuffed the razor back in, i shoved it under the dresser, he never knew i kept it there, good. I then rushed to get redressed, and i was fully covered and clothed by the time i heard him give me a warning and then shortly after, open the door. I was dressed in all rays clothes, i watched his worried expression turn into a small smile of happiness, almost like, just seeing me without any scars, made him happier, i honestly do not know how he never notices my scars when we fu- ...
Oh right...i use those bandage things that even them out and blend them into your skin, i forgot about that..
He shut the door and pulled me into a welcoming hug, it made me happy.
"So, what have you been up to, hot stuff?" He asks, i flush red
"Nothing..what about you handsome?" I shoot back, i watch his face fade a pale pink color, and he looks into my eyes, i look back into his.
"Waiting to get back home to see you.."
He assures, he glances at my lips, and i take that as a hint, so i give him a long, passionate, welcome home kiss. He breaks it first, he then smiles when i bury my face into the jacket he wears.
If life could stay like this forever, i dont think i would ever be sad again.
Ray pulled me in closer and rested his head on mine, kissing the top of my hair.
God, who decided that i deserved this man, i surely do not.
I felt him trace his rough, guitar playing, magical fingers across my arms, and then move to the crook of my elbow, and move its way down, slowly. i realise what could happen, i havent put on my bandages and my scars are curved! He could find out about them in a second, or less! I then begin to feel my heart race in horror, he moves his rough fingertips across my scars, and he suddenly, no longer seems so content, he seems worried again, and it looks like hes about to say i have done something wrong. He moves his head, and then looks down at my wrist, i turn my head away and close my eyes tight. He inspects the cuts, some fresh, some old and healed, all of them, still vibrant. He runs his fingers over the pile of scars under my palm, one or twice, before looking back at me, worryingly so. He gently takes my face in his hands, and i begin to cry.
"Michael...why didnt you tell me sooner? Why?" He asked, sorrow in his voice, and i started to feel bad for him, i dont want him to have to feel bad for me, i dont need him to worry.
I choked on sobs now, "im sorry ray! I-" i breakdown, i feel trapped now. He hums to me "your alright, slow down, and tell me.." he gives me courage.
"I..Ray- I..Im so sorry..i- i cant, i didnt mean to, i-" i cry into his shoulder, and he hold my head in his hands, warm and soft. "Shhh..mikey..just tell me how long you have been at this for.."
"U-humm..." i shakily croak, "i- i think..since 2003..?" I whisper, then i count from 2003 up to 2010, "so..7- 8 years maybe?" Ray looked devastated, looking through my teary eyes
"Michael."
"Yea?"
"I love you, never let anyone put you down, i want you to try and stay sober as long as you cant, this isn't healthy, i need you to do this for me, but not just me, do it for Gee, do it for Frankie, do it for yourself, i don't care, just please..i want you to try."
I now sobbed again, leaving wet spots on Rays jacket sleeve. He held me and calmed me down, till he began speaking.
"Listen, i want to help you Mikey, are there any others, i want to see them if there are.."
I still felt sad, but i know its for the better, so i decided that i needed to do this. I nodded, and it seemed as if Rays heart almost cracked in two. I let him go, and without a word, undressed, but left on only my boxers, till that was it. He stared down at my unhealthily thin figure, i looked closer to a dead person, cold, skinny, and pale, than i did more a normal person. He stood in silence, and i could think of the many things that could be racing through his mind now. What does he think? Does he still love me? Oh god, i hope he still loves me. I panicked, but showed none of it. I kept calm and steady, he got down on both of his knees and hugged my waist, he sobbed into my pale, flat stomach. It hurt me to see that i meant this much to him, he would cry over this.
Rays hands shakily, and softly cling to my sides. He examined the deep and shallow cuts, the new and old ones, scattered across my body, even some new ones in places ray couldn't see, even with me half naked, there were some on my hips too.
He then noticed how skinny i began to get, how pale i suddenly was, opposed to my usual fair tan, how the cuts seemed to get more severe when they got to the new ones, he cried and cried on me, u couldn't help but sigh at the sight.
"Mikey?"
"Hm?"
"Tell me, how often do you eat? Regularly."
He asked, and even though i knew he was bound to say it, i still shook.
"I-"
I sighed, there is no use in lying this time.
"If im honest with you, im gonna say, that i usually go without food for a week, then i eat for a day, only to throw it all up since i cant physically keep it down, i can only eat small things. I have severe bulimia, and im sorry for never telling you, ray, i have had it since 2004." Ray looked up at me, and a tear fell from his puffy eyes.
He scooted back a bit, and held the rims of my boxers, i felt embarrassed, and i felt like he almost always knew where everything was.
"May i? I need to know, mikes.."
I took a deep breath in, and then let it out, and i followed up with a nod.
Ray looked back down and slowly and carefully pulled down my underwear, now i was fully exposed, and it was cold. I knew Ray didn't just do this to embarrass me, or to playfully make me horny or something, because he never dared to touch me, or look at me wrong without my consent yet, so he did not dare to touch or look at anywhere that did not have scars, because those were all he was focussed on, now, he didn't care about wether or not i was completely naked, because he needed to help, and i wanted him to help. He ran his fingers over my hip bones, that were littered in scars, like the rest of my body.
"How ever do you hide these..?"
He choked on his words, and almost began to sob again. He pulled my boxer back on me, and he stood up, he then helped me into his old hoodie, his favourite one, it always smelled like him and or his cologne.
He picked me up carefully, as if i were a piece of ancient artwork, made of glass, being carried away to some museum, to stay on display for the rest of eternity.
He set me on the bed, and then climbed onto me, he kissed me passionately, and i held his face in my hands.
"Please, if you ever feel like doing it again, tell me, try for me, Michael."
"I promise, i will tell you, and i will try for you, Raymond."
He then softly laid down next to me and held the back of my leg, one of the only parts of my body that wasn't covered in scars. My scars suddenly didn't hurt, or feel burdening in any way anymore.
I fell asleep, and slept well.

Chapter Text

TW: mention of drug use, alcohol abuse, and self harm in the form of cutting, once again, if you deal with any of these things, my sympathy to you, i suggest professional help, and if you are easily set off or triggered by any of these things, even in broad term, i recommend you skip, thank you

Mikey felt disgusting, he hadn't showered or slept in so long, and he was sweating buckets. He had just gotten home, and the others followed after, or so he thought..they had gotten there, and then left, everyone- including Ray. But, it wasnt as bad, seeing as Ray didnt come with them before. He sauntered sadly inside, and began to take a shower, he felt so much lighter after he did, he still felt tired, thought, many sleepless nights on tour can do shit to you, that..and the drugs. He was never not intoxicated, he had resorted to alcohol and drugs to hide his horrible stage freight during the years of performing, but he had taken them so much during the tours, that he had began to get addicted, now there was never a day that he hadn't taken pills and drank his anxiety away, unhealthy so. His eyelids were heavy, and he almost fell over of exhaustion. It was barely even the end of the day, however. It was nice outside, but he was stuck inside, getting paler at the second. He attempted to pull out a razor again, but once he heard his phone ring, he decided, now wasnt the time. He picked up his phone, and flipped it open, clicking the middle button on the bottom.
"Y-" AHEM- he clears his throat.
"Yes?"
"Hi, its Ray, i felt bad for the others leaving you all alone, they had to do things, they didnt tell me exactly what, but they are off doing something else, and i know how you planned to stay home with the others and chill out, since its rare that we get to do that, and i did what i needed to, so, how about i take you somewhere, a date, if you prefer to call it that.."
I heard Rays voice reveal to me through the phone, it was quiet and it sounded like the speakers had broke, so much for technology..
"Ah- sure! Thank..Thank you- Ray."
I tripped on my words, it was so abrupt, and still sorta good timing.
"Sick! I- i mean..yk what? Whatever.." he sighs
"Cool! I will go over there and pick you up, be ready by..." ....
"10 after?"
He asks, i find that i have 20 minutes to get ready, and i feel like thats quite enough time if i hurry, so i agree.
"Mhm, sounds good! I will see u soon, Ray-Ray!"
I reply, cheery.
"See ya!"
*click*
I end the call, and i hurry to find my load of laundry, a pile i had just cleaned before.
I find my ANTHRAX shirt and i put it on, I find my pair of black skinny jeans, like the many others i have, stuffed in there. I smile and put those on too, whatever..i look good enough. I shove my shoes on and tie them in time, i put my other load of clothes in the laundry, including the sweat soaked motorcycle jacket, and my grey flare jeans, my favorite ones. I then quickly ran out of the laundry room and slid into the bathroom, i did the worst to my already damaged hair again, and cleaned my glasses as best as i could, i then put them on. I made sure my pants fit well and then I ran to my room to sift through my jackets, to find a good one that was clean. I found one, it was Rays old one, it was grey and black, it was striped, i have had it for awhile, and i never failed to keep it somewhere i exactly knew where it would be. I heard my door ring, and then i grabbed my phone and ran out of my room quickly, I stomped my way to the front door and breathed in before i opened it, i opened it to see..
"Hehe..Hi Michael."
Ray...
He looked so perfect, i felt like i looked like a pile of dead racoons. My hair wasnt kept together well, my outfit was shit, like a toddler picked it out..a very emo toddler that is. I had on dirty shoes, while Ray had the most perfect cloud of curls on his head, it looked so soft, always, and it always was, he smelled good, he had a white shirt on, it had Evanescence, he listens to Evanescence?? And the jacket he wore was laced around the edges and it was a pretty shade of emerald, his shoes were perfectly shined, despite being completely white, and his pants were not skinny, but not baggy either, they had no wrinkles, and they were a pale blue shade, and he had a huge smile on his face, the most beautiful smile i had ever seen, on the most handsome face i had ever seen, and i have seen many in my days, but never one like his. He stood holding two blood red roses, the kind that reminded me of vampires, im a huge nerd. The petals complimented each other in a wonderful way. He handed the couple to me, and i smelled them, they smelled like his cologne, pretty. I looked back at him and smiled softly.
"Salutations, Raymond."
I reply.
He takes my hand, and without another word, leads me to his car, he opens the door for me, almost as if i were some kind of royalty. I feel special around him..
"ladies first."
He jokes, i playfully punch his shoulder and we laugh, i then step in the seat, and i feel almost as if it was the first date of ours, but we had been on many. I wondered where he would take me, it just now occurred that he never told me..
I thought to myself jokingly, as if he were gonna kidnap me, i would be happy if he did. He then stepped in the seat beside me, and turned on the car, he handed me a box of tapes,
"Put on what you want."
I looked at him and he looked at me. I then sifted through the cassettes, and i found one- "you like suicidal tendencies?" I ask.
"Who doesnt?" Fair enough!
I nod, and play the tape, the radio speakers play a familiar song to me, we sing along as he brings me to a place i have not been in so long. The song ends, and i ask him.
"Is this- This is the..the platform by our old studio?"
He nods.
Im confused now..this was the place we had our first kiss..and first date.
"Mhm" he hums, "that, it is."
I eject the tape, and set it back.
He parks and steps out of the car, and he lets me out as well, again as if i were some fancy rich woman, and he was my bodyguard.
He closes the door and locks the car behind us, he takes me hand, and puts his keys in his pocket with his other hand. He leads me up the platform stairs, and now its early evening.
I then only realise that its by the old mall we used to go to, Monroeville Mall..
its an early sunset
Early Sunsets over..Monroeville.
I recognised what he had done, and now only, 2 years after our first album, do i realise why the song was written, and why no one ever told me who wrote it either. Sneaky bastard.
He smiles and sits down with me.
"I see now.." i say, ive realised
"Hm?" He hums, "you see what now?"
"Early sunsets over Monroeville."
I repeat.
He looks into my eyes, and blushes.
He takes my glasses off my face, and i begin to feel hot. He sets my glasses down next to me, and he grabs my shoulders, and pulls me near.
He looks down at my lips, i know what comes next, so i wrap my arms around his shoulders.
I pull him closer, and i kiss him, he kisses me back, it feels all familiar to the first time, i realise that i never let go of the roses he gave me, and he never took the thorns off either, he must have taken them from the rose bush infront of his house, because i began to squeeze them, so caught in the moment, and my hands bleed down onto the floor, it feels like an edgy teen movie im in.
Ray breaks it, and stares into my eyes, and my hands feel hotter than they did before, almost abnormally so.
I look at him too, and pull away, and i look at my hand, and there is blood covering it. I feel no pain, and im not concerned, but Ray now looks scared.
"Mikey! Are you okay?"
I nod
"But your bleeding.."
I nod again.
"That, i am, Ray. I dont care though, fuckin c'mere!"
I yell, and he decides im alright, we can deal with it later anyways.
I pull him in and kiss him passionately, again. He holds my thin torso, i feel like im on cloud 9, now, and my hand begins to sting, as the blood still drips, but i could not care less.
I hold him and kiss him like its the last time i will, like there is a crowd of the undead surrounding us, how fitting.
I am now sitting on his lap, and i feel like heaven.
"I wrote the song, mikey."
"I figured.."
"i love you"
"I love you too, forever."
And now there is not a care in my mind, all i hear in my head is Ray. All if feel is Ray.
I now figure that its early night.
Early nights in New Jersey..thats a cool name!

Chapter Text

Ray walked his way through the familiar cemetery gates, dressed in a formal-ish attire, he walks down the dirt path in the middle of the large cemetery, emotional to the thought of that many people, gone, wisped away just as the the love of his life was, ray knew he would kill everyone he ever loved just to see mikey again, the others felt it too, Gerard the most, he had tried to kill himself as well, but with the help of coping, he had stopped even trying at this point, it would be useless either way. The PTSD haunted every one of them, let alone were they missing someone, that someone left a hole misisng in everyones hearts, one that only mikeyfuckinway could fill, his bright smile, his awkward giggles, his inward knees, and how he would cheer up everyone when they were down, like a spiritual advisor. Now, they had no mikey, they had to depend on eachother, when everyone of them were slowly and painfully sinking deeper into a pit of despair as they spoke. Ray walked and walked till he saw a particular headstone —
"Michael James Way"
It read, beautifully carved in stone cursive,
"1925 - 1944"
It broke Rays heart, knowing that he was only ever 19, barely an adult yet, when he passed, he had so much ahead of him, but it washed away in the salt water, and the sand, all for nothing.
The dark skies clouded over him and threatened a storm as he walked, he sat down next to the grave, he set the roses to the middle of the dirt patch, and leant his head on the side of the headstone, he began to cry, he sobbed and sobbed till his voice was hoarse and dried up, his eyes began to hurt and get red, he stuck him head between his knees and sulked in the dark and cloudy atmosphere, he felt a presence appear before him, and he looked up, to see—
"M-mikey..?"
He sat in shock, and sure enough, there sat a transparent apparition, one with identical glasses, hair, everything to mikey, it was uncanny, it had to be him, was he dreaming?
"Tell me im not dreaming, mikey is that you?"
He sobbed, he pinched his arm, sure enough, he wasnt dreaming, he was wide awake, but with heavy eyelids now.
The figure crawled to Ray, as he watched, and he shivered at the warmth, it wrapped its lanky arms around Ray, and it became more clear, almost fully human looking now. Ray leaned into him, still sobbing, quieter though,
"Yes..ray..its me, your not dreaming, or that im sure."
The voice was mikey, he was echoey and ominous sounding, he sounded like ambient noises of an empty auditorium, one that lacked an orchestra or a party.
Ray sunk into mikeys arms, and cried for another few minutes.
From what he could tell, mikey began to hum, Kill all your Friends, a song they wrote years ago,
"Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba..its been 10 fucking years since ive been seeing your face."
Mikey sung, the words hit Rays heart deep, and he felt the hole that drilled itself in, the moment he watched Mikey stop breathing, and he felt his last heartbeat, it was now patched, he had reunited with the love of his life, and now they could go down together!
Mikey led ray home to the place he shared with frank and gerard, once where mikey stayed as well.
But now he had a room, caked in dust, but nothing ever moved, no one had ever gone into Mikey's room after he died, it was too much. Gerard sat on the couch, a book in hand,
"Are you alright ray? Your back early from the ce-"
Gerard stopped, looking away from that book of his, and he nearly broke down at the sight of his dead brothers figure, he fell off the couch and threw his book across the room, Gerard scurried to mikeys side and gave him the tightest hug he had ever given,
"RAY! IM NOT DREAMING RIGHT?! TELL ME THIS IS REAL!"
Ray nodded, and gerard sobbed away in mikeys sleeve, he wore a generals uniform, one for occasions, not the one of battle, his round glasses stood at the end of his nose and glistened in what small sunlight let through from the dark and thick grey clouds, ones that thundered loud and left the streets in a flood for the next few months. Mikeys pants fit snuggly around his waist and hips, flaring at his claves, he wore formal gala shoes, ones that laid flat against the ground, and clicked on the hardwood floors. Frank walked out to the front door,
"Whats all this noise now-"
Frank stopped and stared in awe, mikey waves behind gee's back, Frank joined the hug and sobbed as well, Mikey's hair was kept well and gelled to one side,
"Its been 9 bitter years since ive seen your face!"
Gerard cried, mikey held the two and greeted.
"Ive missed you"
Frank choked
"Me too frankie, ive missed all of you, almost everyone in this town."
Mikey spoke, clear and loud, still echoey and ominous
Frank wouldve called hus voice sick or rad, but he was too busy crying against mikeys shoulder to care, right now.
They all settled and everyone huddled against mikey, the new TV casted shows of people they didn't know.
Nary a word of anyone, none!
The blankets accompanied the four, as mikey changed out of uncomfortable army clothes, with the snap of his fimgers, and then he wore a
Pair of plaid sweatpants and a plain black tee, informal, but cute for him. He neglected the glasses and brushed the gell from hus hair, it felt nice to be back home, he had no idea how he had learned to emerge, it was magic.
They all feel asleep, rays head in mikeys lap, Mikey laying on gerard, and Frank on mikeys elbow..

Chapter Text

I feel so worthless this way, i feel like theres nothing left for me anymore.
No one cares, they only want me because im Mikey Way, im not even a human anymore, no one loves me for who i really am, and the only person who did, i threw her away and disregarded her existence like she was trash, she didnt deserve the shit i gave, i treated her as well as i could, but that isnt saying i ever treated her well. She had a right to dump me, i know that, we are still friends, but i have no one now. If i do, they only listen to me so they can fuck me in the end, they dont actually care what i have to say.
All i have is a box of razor blades, a bag of coke and meth, and glass bottles of vodka to be my friend, all i have is myself, and i sure as hell dont love myself like Alicia did. I've never been pretty, let alone have i ever been nice enough to love someone, i did love Alicia, i loved her with all my heart, but i wasnt right for her, she deserves something better, way better than me, and i need to drink away my sadness till i inevitably kill myself, because thats all i can do.
Im high as fuck right down, and im drunk off my mind, i feel like shit, and im sobbing, my throat is dry and tight, and my head hurts, horribly.
I then remembered..i have a small rope tucked away somewhere, maybe i could use that, nothing else is gonna help me feel better, so why not make it all stop?
Ive tried before, it never works, but i weight so little, that i don't doubt that its gonna fucking work now, if it doesnt, whats worth it? I can just starve myself even more.
Dig the razors deeper into my skin, and down all the more vodka, till im numb.
I search all around my small room, one that i have in an apartment for now, since im just now off tour.
I search everywhere, and find it useless.
But have i checked the closet? Theres bound to be some kind of shit in there that i can off myself with?
I search, and i find the rope, its already tied, good, so i dont have to waste my time, and i can get straight to the point.
I dont even bother checking my phone.
Its ringing, though, it's probably Gabe or Pete, calling to ask me if i want to hook up, which i dont, im sat sulking in a dark room, sobbing away my sadness, now actively dying.
I find a sturdy place to tie the rope to, and i grab a chair from the corner of the room, i stand on the very top of it, and hook my head into the loop, it itches my neck, but i want this to hurt as long and as much as possible, i breathe in, and out, most likely the last time i will, i let one last tear fall from my swollen eyes, and i think of all the people i would be leaving, all the people who wouldnt care at all, and how this is what everyone wants.
This is what i want
This is what ive always wanted.
I have always wanted Famous last words, but i dont think its possible now.
I remember the last thing i said to someone, it was to Gerard, and how fitting, i told him I loved him right before i left, Typical last words, for a stupid kid like me, great.
(5/15/06)
Its going to look pretty, carved into my grave.
I breathe in again, and another tear falls, i feel the small amount of weight fall from my shoulders, and i breathe out.
I jump.
And its now hard to breathe
This is how ive wanted it
This is how ive needed it
For so long
I should have been dead years ago
It would be better that way.
I choke on my sobs, and on my strained throat for a moment, and then i see light shine through my blurry eyes, its not heaven though, its through my doorway.
I hear something drop to the floor
"MICHAEL!"
The person screams, its...Gerard..
Now i regret ever even thinking of this, Gerard has to find me like this? I would have stayed alive for him.
Im selfish.
Im so selfish.
I realise, it was him calling me, and now he comes to my room to see an ungodly sight, i pass out, and i feel myself picked up off the rope, and carried in someones shaky arms, they hold me, as their sat on the hardwood flooring of my apartment.
"Michael..why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this? Dont you fucking die on me, you asshole! You better stay alive for me! I love you Mikey! Stay the fuck alive, hold on one more minute! Im calling help!"
He screams,911 is dialed now, and i begin waking up, and i cough.
"Mikey! Thank fuck! I love you, just stay with me as long as you can, okay? Stay strong!"
His voice is raspy and hes definitely been crying
"911 whats your emergency?"
A womans voice comes through the phone, she sounds soft and nice, like an angel, sent to save the Earth.
"My- My brother! Hes-" he chokes on his words, crying hard
I hug him as best i can, and he holds me in his arms, i weakly hold him as well, im sat on his lap, in a warm spot, he talks to the operator, and tells her everything he can, and he scans the room as people are sent on their way.
He presumably sees all the stuff.
My numerous vodka bottles, the bags of hard drugs, the rope, the chair, my unmade bed, the razors, and the blood on the floor, he now notices the blood coming from my wrists too, and he sobs harder, he holds me tightly, now the woman is silent, he hung up on her.
"Mikey, i fucking love you, dont do that shit, fucking talk to me before, please!"
He cries and cries, i feel horrible now.
"Im sorry, Gerard, i love you too, i cant handle this by myself anymore."
"You didnt have to handle it on your own, i would have helped you, im so sorry Mikey."
he sits there and holds me, till the medics get there and take me, he follows shortly behind.
"Im sorry sir, you cannot be in the ambulance unless you are immediate family."
A mans voice is heard , i assume hes a medic
"I am, i am his older brother, Gerard."
"Well then, Gerard, i suggest you stay by Michaels side as long as possible, he needs you, hes in horrible condition."
Gerard nods, and his tears dry.
He steps in the vehicle behind me, and we take off, he holds my hand the whole way, never once forgetting to tell me that he loves me, and i never fail to remind him that i do too.
"Please, never leave me Mikey..i don't know what i would do without you, i need you here, can you stay with me?"
I nod
"I will try my hardest, Gee. Im sorry."
"Dont fucking be sorry, im sorry for not paying enough attention to you, im never letting you out of my goddamn sight ever again, im forcing you to sleep with me at night too for the next few months, im not letting this happen again, i cant handle myself even thinking of losing you, and i nearly just fucking did, i need you here."
I nod, and close my eyes, he lays his head on my chest, lightly, not to harm me anymore than i already am, he stares at the bloodied cuts across both my arms, they had finally stopped bleeding, and im now sure that he realised how pale i had become.
When we arrive to the hospital, we are taken to a blinding white room, in which i request the lights are turned off, but they politely decline, Gerard neglects to leave my side at all, and i never want him to. I want him to stay right here with me. I assume hes called the others, because i hear the sounds of Frank and Ray as they rush into the room, and quickly to my side. Frank is bawling, and Ray is holding my hand, now that Gerard had let go of my other one.
Frank is telling me how much he loves me and how much i mean to everyone, how important i am, and it makes me suddenly feel loved again, like there really is someone there, to guide me back to life, theres a light at the end of the dark hole ive been sat in for 5 years.
"I love you Mikey, dont you fucking forget it"
Frank tells me
"I love you too, Frank, i'll never forget it."
Ray then speaks up, with a low and raspy voice
"I love you too, we all do, Mikey, theres always someone here for you, tell someone when you feel this way, please?"
Ray chimes in, his bright eyes fill in concern
I nod,
"I love you all, i wouldnt dream of trying that again, i dont ever want to leave you guys again."
"Me neither"
Gerard says.
I then drift off to sleep, as i presume, the doctors talk to the others,
Now i feel loved again, i dont ever dream of forgetting those who do love me, i am loved, even if i dont feel like it.
By millions.
if not millions, then there is at least 4 people that love me, as long as there is one person, i dont plan on dying anytime soon.

Chapter Text

The two tallest members of My Chemical Romance, or so it was ever since Matt had left, Mikey and ray, or Kobra and Jet.
They had met on vague terms back in high school, they were friends, they were both through Gerard, even if he was a weird little hobbit back then.
They both remember catching feelings, both at the vaguely same time, back in bullets during one of their first interactions as a band.
Mikey was always friends with Ray, Ray was always friend with Mikey, but they had never thought of each other in such a way..
It was only on the way to band practice one day, that the two got to get a true glimpse of each other, and it was on from then.
Together since 2002..and yet to break up..which would of course never happen, they had been together for about 8 or 9 years now, and neither of the two had ever lost any amount of feelings, it was always like the first few months that they were together, they had only gotten closer and closer ever since then.
Mikey sat and thought, playing with the blonde locks of hair, ones damaged from the amount of bleach and hair dying, and all the straightening of 2005 and hairspray of 2003, did quite a toll on his hair, as much as he wished it didn't, he was a stupid little teenager, and when your an emo/punk, you ruin the fuck out of your hair to look cool and fit in, and he did just that, and sure as hell, everyone did love him for it.
He scrolled on his phone, callused bass-playing fingers sliding across the fragile, thin glass, it was rare to see Mikey without glasses on, but not his old glasses, those were tucked away in a safe box in his storage unit, they told a story, but they told a story for another day, it was his trusty sunglasses that he wore 24/7, now.
He wore them almost all the time, this upset ray quite a bit, as much as the glasses were hot and cute on Mikey, he could almost never see the perfect eyes he once got lost in every time he got the chance to look at him close.
Ray walked into the room, his heavy footsteps discernible from the others, he walked up to Mikey, and he put his phone down.
"Well, hello ray-ray,"
Mikey began, Ray leaned down and stared into Mikey's eyes, that were, for once, not obstruct by cheap shades. He glanced over his outfit, smirking at the fact that he had presumably listened to Gerard when he was asked by them to dress formal because they were going somewhere. He wore the outfit he remembered mikey wearing, sometime in 2003?
He was surprised all his clothes from almost 10 years ago still fit him to the day..
He had a white button up tucked into his pants on under a black waistcoat that fit snug around his hips and flared soft around the rims, and a pair of skinny jeans of course, ones made of a soft cotton rather than jean, though. He wore the promise ring that Ray had given him the day of their first kiss back in the cold January of 2004, it was a polished moonstone on a gleaming silver band, and despite it being nearly a decade old by the time, it still shone like it did when it was brand new, and it never failed to be sparkling clean and shiny.
Ray snatched the phone from Mikey and set it on the table, he grabbed both of his hands and lifted him gracefully off the chair he sat upon.
He admired the soft look of his soon to be fiancé, he was so pretty like this, he even had his eyeliner done, with he hadnt bothered to have done since 2008.
"Hehe..whats going on?"
Ray neglected words, but to smile and laugh.
He took Mikey by his waist with one arm, bloodied hand in hand, occupied of his right.
Mikey giggled, he held on tight to Ray with the free hand he had, and he swing his arm over the taller's shoulder
"What is this? A slow dance?"
Mikey giggled to ray, he smiled back at Mikey in response.
Mikey then realised what Ray had been wearing, it was a bit further formal than the others, including mikey himself, it was a glossy black tuxedo with velvet and laced rims, he had a matching black tie tucked under the blazer, he had dress pants on, but kept it somewhat casual with his regular converse, mikey of course wore his boots, ones he had since 2004, that were the age of the promise ring, they have seen some things..
He returned his focus back to the slow waltz that the couple engulfed themselves in, one lacking in music and a ballroom.
"If thats what you want to call it.."
Mikey laughed and chuckled with him, and they danced together, Mikey leaned his head on Rays shoulder, unaware that they were dancing to the direction of the front door, till he heard a door be opened, and a happy Gerard giggle from behind the two.
"C'mon mikes! Lets go, we have a surpriiiiise!!"
Confused, Mikey let go of Ray, and he was led by Gerard who wore a pretty similar thing to mikey, but he also wore a blaze, to the car, in which he was instructed into the backseat, odd, Mikey always sat in the passenger seat next to Gee, whatever!
He climbed into the backseat, next to a happy looking Frankie, who obviously matches Gerard's outfit, because why not?
"What are you so giggly about, Frankie?"
"Ohh..nothing! Its a surprise, a special one at that.."
Mikey pondered, Franks words amused him
"A special surprise for mwah? Sounds fun.."
He chimed
"Or more like Ray's surprise.."
He whispered, just under his breath, so even if Mikey could hear him, he couldnt make out a word he mumbled anyway.
Frank nodded as Ray climbed into the passengers seat, fixing up his hair, thats when he had noticed that they all looked somewhat more formal than usual..
It was normally that everyone dressed like Adam Sandler, rather than whatever the hell they were doing right now, what, was it some sorta secret murder? Was this a planned out burial for a very alive and well, Mikey way?
He giggled over the low radio at the thought as Frank talked loudly to him, almost as if to obstruct his hearing from the faintest whispers of Gerard and Ray talking in front of him
This was so clearly set up!
They were definitely plotting to kill him or something!!
...
'Its not like he would care anyways.
I would much enjoy being dead.
Sounds nice.
Im glad i dressed nice along with the others for the occasion.'
He shook the gloomy thoughts from his head, and listened to Frank go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ON, about how good Suicidal Tendencies was.
He tried to listen in on what frank was saying, but Mikey was notorious for having a shitty attention span, he couldn't focus for over 5 seconds on something he found boring, or he would focus too hard.
When they got to the place, they parked, and as Mikey attempted to look up, Frank hurriedly unbuckled his seatbelt and pounced on him, blocking his view,
"Close your eyes! Its a surprise!
So shut your eyes! Kiss Ray goodbye! And sleep!"
He shouted, covering Mikey's eyes like a mother who wouldn't let her child see a sex scene in a movie.
Mikey giggled
"Okay! Okay! My eyes are shut, Frankie! Get off me now!"
He laughed, Frank and the others giggled with him as they got out, he couldn't see so he just waited and looked down with his eyes shut, so he couldn't see.
Thats when he felt a warm hand, one that he recognised as Ray's.
His hands guided Mikey out of the car, pulling him close as the door shut and clicked.
The few short beeps from the car signalled it was locked, absolutely nobody was getting into this car!
Well..maybe someone, but besides the point!
Ray held Mikey close by his waist, Mikey remained looking down with his hands on Rays shoulders, he then felt himself be lifted off the ground and held by Ray.
"Idk..take a nap or something on me, just keep your eyes closed, hun, gee is behind u, he will make sure that you certainly do not open your eyes!"
Ray giggled
Mikey couldn't see it, but Gerard chuckled along, and nodded assuringly from behind a looming tall Ray Toro.
Mikey rested his head on Rays comforting shoulder, playing with the lace hems of his blazer, they walk up to the doors of a looming tall building, one that stood tall over everyone, they walked in the doors, it was quiet, it hadnt been this quiet in years, it confused mikey more than he already was.
There seemed to be absolutely no one there, even if mikey had no clue where the hell on earth they were, did they just walk off earth?
"Im gonna let you down now, mikey, keep those pretty eyes of yours shut for me..."
Ray whispered, menacingly, mikey nodded and was let off of Ray, he looked down, to not look anywhere, he knew his hair made his face not able to be seen, and so he took advantage of it and peeked a look at the floors, they were beautiful patterns he had seen before, he couldnt recall where from, however..
He closed his eyes again, he didnt want to disobey that much, it seemed rude to do so within so much presumed planning and such a fancy place.
He felt soft hands on his shoulders from behind him, the person was shorter, but not short enough to be frank, just above it, and the hands were not rough and callused, he knew it had to be gee, the warm presence and smell of hair dye was almost unforgettable, if not, made them stand out.
Ray and Frank stood in front of him, whispering to each other as they led Mikey to the front of wherever they were, and upon a platform, where the hell were they??
Gerard then left behind mikey as soon as he was turned to face a different way.
Ray took in a deep breath, and let it slip away softly, they could hear the other two leave and walk outside
Ray held mikey in his arms, and a picture had been taken
What was this?
Was he just oblivious?
OR WAS HE GETTING SERIOUSLY KILLED?
A crowd of people, friends and close family, walked in through the door
Mikey was totally getting killed.
He had seen shit just like this in comics before!
God you complete..utter...nerd-
"Keep them closed for just a little while longer until i tell you to open them."
Mikey nodded and snuggled into Ray, he was comfortable
The crowd of Ray, Gerard and Mikey, and Franks family, and the groups friends all gathered in seats and stopped talking, Ray took a deep breath and sighed for the last time.
He stepped away and back, and Mikey kept his eyes shut, standing awkwardly, it was cute.
Ray searched his pocket for a specific velvet red box, he pulled it out, and he held it close, he gave it a kiss, one last time. He put it back in his pocket and held both of mikeys hands in his
"Open your eyes, sweetheart.."
Mikey opened his eyes and was blinded by the lights, even if they were relatively dim, he glanced around the room and squinted at people in the large crowd before them.
They were back at a place they hadn't been since 2004, the church they filmed helena at!
There she was, the same actress who played helena in the music video, she was in the very front row, of course beside Ray and mikeys family, and amongst their friends, of course there stood a very emotional Gerard and Frank in the very front row beside them all, sat closest to the couple.
He took in the features of the room, one he hadnt seen in years, it almost brought him to tears, but those had to wait.
"Mikey.."
"Yes?"
Ray sighed again.
This was it
This was the final moment
The crowd fell silent as he began to talk, and people began to start crying, it confused Mikey, he was actually about to get killed..or married?
Ray grabbed mikeys chin, and pulled him closer, they stood in the middle of the platform just below the podium where Gerard once stood as the godfather of an entire generation in the desolate year of 2004.
"I have loved you for 8 years now, Mikey.
I love you with all my heart and i always have, always will. I will always love you from the very bottom of my heart, and theres nothing in this world that could change that. When i tell you that if you committed the most horrific murders to ever be and you asked me to cover it up, i would, within a heartbeat, i would be concerned, but you get my point,"
The crowd giggled along with mikey.
"what im saying is..that i want you to be mine forever, and in doing so, would you.."
Ray let go of his hands, and tugged the velvety box from his pocket, he knelt before Mikey, and tears brimmed in his eyes, as people began to cry harder.
He even caught the glimpse of a tear in the eyes of Helena herself, she would never be Elena, but she could be the closest thing to it, and she meant the world to the band because of that.
Ray opened the box, and a glimmering blue sapphire on a glowing silver band sat snug in the container,
"Michael James Way, do the honour of making me the happiest man in the world, being mine forever, and marrying me?"
Mikey began to cry, he almost fell to his feet and to the cold velvety red floors, yet he smiled, he closed the box that Ray held, a dramatic gasp came from the crowd, and a saddened look struck Rays face, one that held of great joy moments before, Mikey grinned
He got down on his knees and snatched the box from him,
He set it down and with a snap, he tackled ray into an aggressive and passionate kiss, one that made ray fall to the floor, with Mikey on top of him.
The crowd cheered as Mikey pulled away and cried out the best he could
"Yes! Fucking yes! I will fucking marry you and i would do it a million goddamn times! Fucking Marry me Mr.Toro!"
He cried out
Ray began to cry with him as they held each other close, savouring the moment, one that lasted what felt like an hour, but the best hour of their lives.
"Soon, you will be Mr.Toro, as well."
Ray sung, it comforted Mikey as they cried.
Gerard couldn't cheer for them, he could only sob out his words of happiness, him and Frank both walked upon the platform with teary eyes, and stained red cheeks.
The couple got up, and Gerard ran straight to Mikey, embracing him in the tightest and most loving hug he ever given had before.
"Im so fucking proud of you Michael, I'm so proud..you could never make me any happier than this, I'm so happy seeing you growing up right before my eyes.."
Gerard cried, Mikey sobbed back into his shoulder as they both cried out loud into each other's arms, as if the last time they ever were to see one another again, ever.
"I love you so goddamn much, Gerard..."
"I Love you too, more than you could ever imagine, Michael.."
"You would be right about that, I'm not good at imagining something infinite.." He giggled
Ray and Frank stood behind and watched the two brothers cry out in happiness with each other, staining their cheeks in eyeliner & tears.
Gerard let go, and the two were glowing red upon their pale faces, Gerard stepped back as Mikey was embraced by both of his parents who each also cried with him. Ray wiped away his tears with a small handkerchief that he held in his tit- I MEAN BREAST pocket.
Once they were all done crying with their families and talking to friends, who all congratulated them an absurd amount of times, they left.
Ray and Mikey held eachother in the backseat of Gerards car, mikey could feel the silver band and sapphire gem gleaming against his pale skin, he loved it so much, much more, he loved ray.
They held eachother till they got back home, even then they got back home and went to rays room and cuddled.
The world could have very well ended at the very moment, they had no care in the world, they cuddled and slept till the next day, with no words said, none needed

Chapter Text

TW: mentions to past scars, mentions to new self harm cuts

The band was backstage of a small gig they had, not the first though. Everyone was unpacking and tuning their instruments while Gerard stood around and sung lowly, almost as if he were tuning his own voice.
Once everyone was done, they all just sat around till their 10 minutes was over and it was time to go on stage. Everyone sat together and aimlessly practiced songs that they knew all too  well, they had mastered.
The unique pairing: Mikey and ray.
They glanced over at each other from time to time when on stage, snatching glimpses of their states, distracting their playing.
The two blushed harsh reds that matched, from the heat of the stage lights, and the sheer look of one another.
Sweating buckets, they finally walked off stage, with a large crowd of people who already liked their music, and frank who had just joined the band a few weeks ago, and had already planned to stay.
As they all walked off stage, Ray and Mikey only walked off to the side, or more so the corner of the stage that leads to backstage, but still wasn't quite considered.
They stared at each other's glistening skin, with burning eyes, staring deep in a state of opia.
"You were amazing out there.."
Mikey sighed, a smile creeping upon his face, glowing on display.
"Say the same for you..you looked absolutely breathtaking."
Ray said, in a trance, staring deeper into Mikey's hazel eyes
"Me? No..i just look like i normally do, i would say that you look breathtaking."
Ray rolled his eyes at the words, blushing even more as he began to stop sweating, he grabbed Mikey's arm and just smiled as he dragged him all the way to the back to get cleaned off.
"Cmon, im sure they have towels of some sort back here,"
Ray yawned, pointing to the other part of the room, finally relieved by the feeling of air conditioning, even if it was just barely 10 degrees cooler.
Ray and Mikey each grabbed one of the small towels that the place displayed and patted themselves down, nobody likes being sweaty, it fer sure is never fun.
Mikey frowned at the harsh pain that filled the new cuts, inflicted by himself, but he went on playing, but now that he was offstage, he could dry them, but it made them hurt worse for a few seconds, worrying Ray, deeply.
Ray remembered when he did that once in high school, it was a dark time, but he swore to never do it again, he had faint scars from that time, because it was so new to his skin, so the scars stayed and showed a story upon his tan skin, he hated seeing the fact that the love of his life still did that, maybe he should bring it up? Ray tugged at Mikey's upper arm, and walked him to a corner, where no one was, and nobody paid any attention, they were too focused on talking, gladly.
"Hey..Mikey?"
Ray whispered, just enough to be heard by Mikey and himself only.
"Y-yea? Whats wrong?"
"I was going to ask you the same,"
Mikey's head cocked to the side at the response
"Huh?"
"I- I saw your cuts..i wanted to ask you about them, but if it isn't a good time..then we could talk at home?"
Mikey's eyes suddenly lost their glare and his heart skipped a beat or two,
"Oh..i...yea, now isn't the best time, im just struggling a bit right now, we can talk later, we don't have much space to talk anyways."
Ray nodded, understanding,
"Alright Mikes, just know you're beautiful, i don't want you to hurt yourself..i know you have a reason for it, everyone does."
Ray whispered again, embracing Mikey in a warm hug, kissing the top of his head, until they had to leave.
"Cmon lovebirds, we are gonna pack up and go."
Matt spoke, rolling his eyes playfully at the couple, they flushed a dusty pink that was identical to one another, and let go to pack up their instruments.
Gerard, of course having no instrument to pack up, went ahead to go and get the van started,
Ray decided to invite Mikey over, it wouldn't be the best if Gerard overheard, he wouldn't be left alone for a year.
Once they arrived at Rays apartment at request, while the others went to go stay at the house, They took hand in hand,
"Use protection!" Frank yelled at the couple, Ray hid his face, now red in colour, Mikey grinned and laughed, "oh, we will!" he replied, earning a playful scoff from Gerard, who also simulated throwing up at the words.
He laughed along with the others as they ran inside, and then the crew that remained in the van sped off back to Gerards house, where they planned to hang out for awhile.
Ray led Mikey inside of an apartment he knew all too well, he shut the door behind them, locking it with the flick of his two fingers.
"My room?" Ray mentioned
"...sure, i like your room."
Ray walked along with Mikey to his dark room, turning the light switch up,
Ray closed the door and sat on the floor with Mikey, who hid his face in Rays neck, straddling his lap.
The a/c blasting helped fuel the atmosphere, and create a welcoming one.
"So...about your cuts?"
"Oh..ye-ea, my cuts.."
Ray nodded and Mikey sunk further down into Ray's shoulder.
"I- I've been sad lately, lately, as in the past year or two of my life, the whole 9/11 thing, it really fucked me up, it fucked everyone up, even since it was the very day after my 21st birthday, i think I've been cutting myself ever since..i began doing it in high school or so I remember, because i was in such a deep depression during sophomore and junior years, it felt like i took my own high school years away from myself, it felt like i was in junior high, and suddenly i was a senior in high school, i mean..it was really weird..."
Ray nodded
"And so..9/11 happening, only put you back in that stop, that same kind of depression?"
Mikey nodded as well,
"Yea, it did..i think it did a lot for a bunch of people, and it was never good. I think that depression was worse than high school. 2001 was totally not my year, and neither was this year..its only gotten worse, i mean...last year, I wouldn't have gone in front of multiple people and had still fresh ones..now im sure that they are infected from the sweat, god im an idiot."
"No. No you aren't, Mikey, would you let me clean them? I also went thru a bad depression in sophomore year, and i did do that before too, i don't have much to say now, because i swore to never do it again after i did it once, but i have enough to say to relate to you. Can i help clean them? I can kiss them better."
Mikey giggled low and nodded, letting Ray take him to the bathroom.
He pulled bandages and peroxide out of the cabinet, and a small disinfecting wipe.
"Here, give me one of your arms."
Mikey held out his arm and turned it over so the cuts were visible, and they looked very much infected, but not all the way.
Ray wiped down the area softly, making Mikey wince a little, he then misted the cuts with peroxide, and Mikey sucked the air through his teeth. Ray felt bad for Mikey, it hurt seeing him to something like this to himself, his beautiful self, his beautiful self, that Ray could never imagine being imperfect in any way.
Ray wrapped his arm in bandages with a kind gentleness that you could only expect of him.
He copied the same action of his other arm, being just as careful.
"Are there any more? Don't be afraid to tell me."
"I-im not..there aren't any more."
Mikey spoke, quietly, as Ray carried him off the counter and onto his bed,
Mikey was impossibly lightweight,
It concerned Ray for Mikey's health, but Mikey had always been relatively skinny, so it wasn't much of a problem to Ray, not enough for him to bring it up.
With gentle care and touch, Ray climbed in bed and snuggled Mikey, cuddling his waist from behind, burying his head in his back.
"Im sorry Ray-ray-"
"Hey..don't be sorry, i want to help you."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Mikey."
Then they fell asleep, and scared the shit out of Gerard because Mikey didn't call him.
Then got scolded in the nicest way possible for hurting himself when he got home, the  Gerard forced Mikey to stay and watch a movie and cuddle, so he had a decent day, pretty good?

Chapter Text

Ive always thought i was straight, till this day.
I had only had relationships and sex with women, and i loved vaginas, and breasts were by far the best thing in the world, women were sexy and beautiful, I've never liked a man in that way, not until recently, or so I've realised.
It was a dance, a formal party for the wedding of a former friend who, if im honest, everyone in our group but Gerard had forgotten, i don't even recall his name and i just met him, whatever. Now all the couples were bound together in a slow dance, the bride and groom in the centre of the room, Gerard whispered and nudged Mikey closer to me,
Mikey walked to me awkwardly,
"Hi- Ra-Ray?"
"Hm? Whats up Mikes?"
Mikey looked down at his shoes and fiddled with the hems of his satin black suit.
"Could we dance? I know its sorta weird, but im quite girly, and its weird being all alone with no one to dance with at a couples dance."
I scrambled my head to find the words to say, Mikey was right, he has girly features, big hips, thin waist, small-average ish shoulders, relatively medium sized thighs, and an intriguing behind.
His face is also quite girlish, full, pink lips, soft and kind eyes, full eyebrows, a thin nose and a VERY defined jawline and sucked in cheek bones, his hair fell over his face too, making it all the more believable as i stared at his face.
Wow, Mikey is actually really handsome, hot, pretty? Whatever the fuck he is.
I nodded, blushing a faint pink to contrast Mikey's vibrant red cheeks. I took his waist by my hands, he fits so right in my hands, his waist is thin and that of a girls, its nice.
Mikey throws his thin arms around my shoulders, burying his face in my chest, clearly embarrassed, i began to move my feet, and he followed, both of us experienced in slow dances from the prom parties of high school, ones we could both never forget.
I laid my head on Mikey's, we both fit together so well, like no other girl i had ever touched, i wonder if he was like a girl in bed too- RAY STOP IT, Geesus..
I held him close and he murmured under his breath, something i couldn't catch in the music.
"What was that?"
I asked, quietly,
"This is nice, i wish we could do this more often."
I blushed and smiled,
"Yea.."
So..now that im slow dancing with Mikey at a wedding, he's comfortable in my arms, i can now finally agree with myself, I've been battling my thoughts for the past few months, asking if my feelings for Mikey are real, or im just bored being single, now, i can definitely say that i like Mikey, i love Mikey.
His hair is the prettiest shade of blonde, his eyes are coloured different, brown and hazel, his faint freckles spattered across his pale skin, he was everything i have ever dreamed of in my significant other, just, a guy.
I wonder how the others would react to me telling them i like a guy, im the last fully straight one in the group, fuck.
I don't know what to call it,
Bisexual with preferences?
Straight but gay for one person?
Straight with a side of Mikey-sexual.
Mikey-sexual? Ray what the hell is actually wrong with you?!
"Hey, Mikey?"
"Hm?"
"I...I think i like you."
Mikey paused, fuck, i knew i shouldn't have said that, im screwed now!
"I...like you too, Ray."
Holy
Fucking
Shit.
"Honestly?"
"Honestly."
I leaned down and looked into Mikey's beautiful eyes, mine glancing towards his full lips,
"Can i kiss you?"
Mikey giggled at me,
"Of course, what a gentleman."
Mikey played with the back of my curls, it made me shiver, he grabbed onto my hair softly as we pushed our lips together, a feeling of fireworks and pure bliss sparked in my soul.
It felt like a first kiss, only it was so much better, so much better.
Gerard looked our way and i heard him snap a picture, just as Mikey was going to pull away in embarrassment, i dipped him over my knee, locking us together, holding his thigh in my grip, Gerard squealed, trying not to make a scene and ruin the married couples special moment, whom which seemed not to care, already drunk off champagne and wine, they could've cared less.
Mikey flushed an even brighter shade of red for me as i held him close, breaking away to breathe, we both panted in unison, Frank and Gee fan girling in the corner at us.
"You know, im straight, 100%, but you are a deal i can make with myself, Mikey, you're just too good, no girl could ever compare to you, i would like boobs, but those are optional,"
I giggled, and as Mikey was going to respond i pulled him back up and kissed him again, our tongues dancing together as our bodies moved in unison along.
I could feel Gerard and Franks eyes on us, and their phone cameras, but i could really care less, all i wanted in this moment was the feeling of Mikey's mouth and his taste in my mouth, the feeling of his body against mine, his waist fitting snug between my two hands, his feathery light arms draped around my neck.
I spun Mikey around and grabbed my wine glass in one swift move, handing Mikey his own.
We both took sips and cheered, our glasses clinking in a nice tone that itched the right places of my brain.
I could see the lustful look in his gleaming eyes as i turned back around to set our glasses down, i smiled at his neediness, not here, not at someones wedding.
"God, you are so perfect."
I held his body as close to me as i could, hiding my face in the crook of his neck.
My hands slid down to his bony hips, his cold body warming up, embraced in mine.
I kissed him once again, earning small muffled moans from him as we french kissed in the furthest corner from gee and Frankie.
As soon as the ceremony and party and all that shit was done, i wrapped my arm around Mikey's waist and walked with him leaning on me, i could tell he was secure, and i was glad.
"Hey, Ray-Ray!"
I heard a familiar girly voice call,
"Sup Gee"
"Hey, so im gonna spend the night with Frankie, could you tell Mikes?"
He winked at me, a sleeping frank being piggybacked by Gerard then caught my eye and made me giggle.
"Im right here Gerard! Im gonna be just fine with ray tonight, you go have fun with frank, i don't care!" Mikey exclaimed with a smile.
"Oh! Well then, im gonna go home with Frank, i will be back home by tomorrow afternoon, sound good?"
We both nodded,
"Wear protection and don't break Mikey's bed frame, ray-ray"
Gerard whispered to me, i smirked and blushed at the comment,
"Don't worry, i wont, ill make sure to be xtra safe..i'll let him walk, for now.."
I whispered back, Mikey confused and trying to listen from behind me.
We both giggled together and i took Mikey back to the car, "Bye bye Gee!"
Mikey smiled at Gerard,
"Bye, sweet dreams, kid!"
I smiled at them, i wish me and my brothers were that close, damn.
They said their i love you's, and they got in the car.
I hopped in the opposite seat of Mikey's and quickly sped off to his house, leaving Gerard behind.
"Wow, you really wanted to get home with me, huh? What ideas have you got for me that you need to do so soon?"
"Believe me, i have a few in mind."
Mikey blushed, wondering what ideas i had, he probably thought my idea was to fuck his brains out the second we got home, and while that was one of my ideas, i also had in plan to just sleep, cuddle and watch a movie, makeout for an hour but not fuck, or listen to music.
It all depended on was Mikey wanted, i was happy with each idea.
Mikey crossed his legs and leaned on the window, closing his eyes, he lifted up his leg and turned it to the side to get more comfortable, giving me a clear view of his perfect ass through his satin dress pants, damn, he doesnt have much there, but its hot for how skinny he is, and considering hes a guy.
A song that i remember Pete wrote for mikey back in 2005, but released in 2007, because mikey was so good for 3 months of a summer, that he had to write 2 whole fuckin albums about it, it came on the radio, and mikey shot up at the intro,
"why are we listening to bang the doldrums, you know this song was written about me right??"
I nodded, smiling softly,
"I do, in fact. Wanna skip it?"
"No, this song is bomb, as hell"
I giggled at him, turning it up slightly
"BEST FRIEEEEENDS, EX FRIENDS TILL THE EEEEEEND, BETTER OFF AS LOOOOVEEERS, BUT NOT THE OTHER WAY AAAAROOOUUUND, RACING THROUGH THE CITY, WIN-DOWS- DOOWN, IN THE BAAACK OF YELLOOOOW CHECKERED CAAAAAARS!!"
Mikey yelled along to the lyrics, his voice was so dreamy and beautiful, sometimes i wondered why he didn't sing more, especially with me in background vocals, maybe he was just self conscious.
Plus, it is pretty hard to play any instrument and sing at the same time, saying that as someone who does that at shows for a living.
I pulled up to the familiar Way™️ Residence, and i parked.
Mikey hopped out, and i followed shortly behind, locking my car and sauntering to where Mikey stood at the front door.
I waited as Mikey unlocked the front door and it creaked open, we walked inside together, his hand grabbing onto mine.
He closed the door behind us, and we stood in silence for a second or two, staring into each others eyes, the look of sheer lust that his eyes bared, it was so fucking hot.
He then shook from the trance, and yanked my hand, pulling me on the trail to his room in the upstairs.
He opened the door to his bedroom, i caught a glance of their cat, that they had forever and i had forgotten the name of.
He closed the door behind us and locked it for safe measure, i smirked, so thats what you want? I knew it.

Chapter Text

"I feel ugly." Ray abruptly mentioned, stopping the silence and leaving the drone sounds of an old tour bus,
"What?"
Mikey looked in his direction, where the bathroom door was fully open, and he had lifted up his shirt to expose his stomach and chest.
All the others were out at a restaurant, they were hungry but making food wasn't something that anybody wanted to do.
"I..I feel ugly, Mikey. I feel fat and..I don't look pretty like i used to.." Mikey's heart broke, he had known Ray was self conscious, everyone is at least a little, but never this much.
Mikey frowned and walked his way over to the bathroom, beside Ray, quietly stepping on creaky floors.
"Oh..how wrong you are. Ray-ray, you are quite possibly the prettiest thing I have ever seen in my life. Of course you don't look like you used to, none of us do, hell- I have bleached blonde hair and my glasses are gone now.." Ray nodded and sighed, he stared down at Mikey and felt a warm hand on his shoulder as he lifted his shirt back down.
"But you've stayed beautiful all these years.."
"Who says you haven't?" Ray blushed slightly and looked back at himself in the mirror,
"I..Myself..?" He replied, in a faint whisper,
"And i hated the way i looked for so long as well, and you think I'm pretty don't you?"
"Well..yeah?" He looked back at Mikey with sad eyes, Mikey smiled,
"So even though you still think that way, doesn't mean you're right, yeah? Everyone around you loves the way you look and sound and everything, because you are beautiful, you aren't perfect, but i don't expect you to be because I'm not either, nobody is. You sure are the closest thing to perfect i know that i will ever get, you are everything i could ask for and more. The way you look at yourself with never be the same as the way others look at you. I still hate the way i look, and i bet its something you cant believe, because its not the way you and everyone else thinks of me. So, take with that and apply it to yourself, its the same."
Ray began to feel tears in his eyes as Mikey took him in an embrace, a warm and comforting one.
"Im really that pretty?"
"Of course you are, you always have been and always will be that pretty."
Ray began to sob into Mikey's shoulder, lowly against the drums of the squeaking floors.
Suddenly, the bathroom mirror didn't reflect something that Ray always wanted to ignore.
Now he sorta liked to look at himself, realising that he really was all that pretty.
If he started to believe it then he could understand just how other people felt.
Mikey combed through his soft, brunette curls, smiling and twisting them gracefully between his long fingers.
Ray closed his eyes and savoured the warmth and touch of his wonderful boyfriend, arms resting on his shoulders, his hand placed softly against his side, the other making small twists and knots in his hair, brushing his way through them carefully.
"You don't know how much better you make me feel, Mikey..how do i ever repay you,"
"You don't have you, a kiss is all i need,"
Ray let go and Mikey handed him a paper towel. He wiped his nose and folded it to dry his tears, throwing it away in a compact bin beside the sink.
He turned back to Mikey and placed his hand on his hip, turning full attention to him now.
"Just a kiss?" He asked,
"Just a kiss." Mikey answered, soft blonde locks falling in front of his face that lacked sunglasses, surprisingly.
Mikey leaned up and pulled Ray down to plant a loving, long kiss on his full, soft, and red lips
He parted, "thats all i need, you don't need to repay me ever, just knowing that you are happy has already repaid me enough.
"Cmon you two! We got our food and we are gonna go eat outside at this stupid- little- whateverthefuck bench place!"
Bob yelled, Mikey scowled uncomfortably,
"Gee..shut your mouth will you? We are coming..no need to be such an asswipe."
Ray replied, defensive over Mikey, who was in clear distress again,
Bob rolled his eyes, "whatever, just hurry up! f*gs.." Mikey flinched at the rough whisper and sudden slam of the bus doors,
"What a bitch..he can suck my dick. Im gonna punch that stupid face of his in if i hear him call you that one more ti-"
"Forget it..me and Gee have already decided to kick him out soon, right after this tour is over, luckily we only have about a week or so left."
Rays eyes lit up, he smiled and pumped his fist in victory, earning a small chuckle from Mikey as they walked out the door.
They both raced over to the place the others were, Mikey nearly falling over from stumbling on his own feet.
"Geesus, you are clumsy Mikes!"
Frank laughed, Gerard agreed and bob went to go sit further away from the others, visibly annoyed.
They sat down across from the other two, laughing and talking together as they ate,
"Hey, mikes?"
"Hm- oh- yeah gee?"
"Have you eaten anything but this today?"
"Well I've been trying to eat better recently and i think I'm getting pretty good, I'm getting a lot better! I ate a sandwich in the morning and i was able to get it down well enough."
Gerard and the others smiled at Mikey,
"Hell yeah dude! You are doing so much better, I'm proud!" Frank cheered, giving him a high-five of victory.
"Haha! Thank you so much Frankie!"
They all nodded to him, and Ray leaned his head on Mikey's shoulder as he finished eating.
"Good job sweetheart." He whispered,
"Thank you Ray-ray.."
Gerard awed at the couple, they chuckled together, seemingly confused,
"You two.." he pointed, Frank rolled his eyes playfully, and he braided a lock of Gerard's cherry red hair.
"We have been dating for 8 years Gerard.."
Ray cleared, smiling softly,
"I know! You guys are just so cute, i wonder sometimes why Lynz couldn't be cute like that with me," Frank scowled, and tugged Gee's hair
"Ow!"
Frank smirked,
Gerard turned back to the couple and he noticed Ray staring ominously at Mikey's ring finger,
Gerard put the pieces together and fan-girled in his own mind.
Ray thought of what pretty silver band or gleaming sapphires would look best, contrasting Mikey's pale skin and beautifully hazel eyes, and shining blonde hair.
Gerard nodded in Rays direction, he nodded back, Gerards eyes widened and he smiled,
Mikey's eyes had been closed with a hand embraced in his boyfriend - soon to be fiancé's own. Frank also caught on and he nodded to Mikey, he was asleep.
Ray picked him up and carried him quickly back to the bus, to set him down in Rays bunk, tucking him in and planting a loving kiss to his forehead.
Ray ran back out to talk to the others, bob had screwed off to god knows where, thank god!
"So you wanna propose soon?" Gerard asked,
"I- yeah i do, i really don't want it to go badly! I want him to say yes and for it to be perfect. Whats his favourite colour? His birthstone is a sapphire. Does he like silver or gold more? Whats his favourite place? Wha-"
Frank pressed a finger to Rays lips
"Shh!" He playfully sounded, sticking his tongue out.
"His favourite colour is blue and yes..sapphire is his birthstone, they are also blue. He has always liked silver more from what i can remember, he never really wore much gold. His favourite place..i don't know-"
"Jersey." Frank whispered
"Shut up Frankie!" Gerard stopped, playfully, "yes, its jersey, but I'm saying that i know he really likes fountains and i know he really liked the church we filmed Helena at, the Presbyterian one in LA, he has gone back to it once or twice before, it brings back good memories and nostalgia for him, i would say it's probably the best place."
Ray nodded
"But do you promise to stay there with and for him forever. I hope you know that if you hurt him, I'm chopping your balls off." Frank and Ray both bursted out into laughter, they were immature - the mind of 13 year olds.
"Haha! Yes! Yes i promise forever Gerard, i would never dream of hurting him, without his consent, i will stay with him till i die and i will get buried next to him." Gerard laughed,
"Good, good, break that promise and your balls are already off."
Gerard smirked and they shook hands, then the day was over, and they made way back to the bus.
They found Mikey awake, but not a sign of bob, good.
He had probably went to find a hotel somewhere because he's an annoying piece of shit-
"Hey mikes!" Ray greeted, Mikey ran into his arms and smiled
"Hi!!"
"Did you get good sleep?"
"Best sleep ever!" He chimed, Gerard knew with all his heart that they were meant for each other, he smiled and laid down in his bunk to think.
"Well its nighttime, do you wanna go back to sleep or take a night walk and relax for a bit?"
Ray asked, Mikey was quick to answer,
"I have a bit of energy still so why don't we go for a walk?"
Ray nodded and slipped a jacket on Mikey's shoulders, leading him out side, to let the others sleep.