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Bygone Days

Summary:

What if the Days Eater wasn't found right away?

Tanuma, Taki, and Nyanko-sensei search for a solution to restoring Natsume's age and memories. With Natsume's memories jumbled, his friends come to learn some of his past and help him accept his new present reality.

Notes:

Back on my scheduled Natsume addiction, the regular yearly rewatch of the show is upon me.

With that, I have 7 incomplete Natsume fics on my phone

Enjoy :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

There’s something to be said about the unique situations Natsume finds himself in. Tanuma is often confronted with the reality that his best friend lives an incredibly different life than anyone else he’s ever met. In this case, it’s especially daunting, as he feels like he’s staring at a stranger when he looks down and sees a distinctly familiar child whom he’s never met.

 

He’s getting used to it, there are traces of the Natsume he knows there. This version of Natsume is the one that he’s only heard about, the one that explains those moments where Natsume’s eyes go distant. This is the Natsume whose loneliness is so apparent, worn on his sleeve in such a genuine, unknowing way that only a child can exhibit.

 

“How is Takashi doing?” Touko’s concern is palpable even through the phone. Tanuma’s grip on the phone tightens. 

 

“Still not feeling well. He doesn’t want to get you sick.” Tanuma answers, it’s been his go to reply for two days now. If he’s being honest he would say he’s doing bad, Natsume’s anxiety has been bouncing up and down, it's giving him and Taki whiplash. It's hard to keep track. He handles the youkai so differently from the Natsume he knows.

 

He turns to look. Natsume sits in the corner, listening. He thinks he’s starting to believe them that just maybe they are his friends. Human friends. He’s smiling a bit more around them, but Tanuma is starting to think he can sense their collective stress over the situation. 

 

“I’m sorry Tanuma-kun, but I’m coming over to see him now.” The line hangs up with a resounding click. 

 

Tanuma is baffled, he’s never heard Touko-san sound like that, but he can’t blame her. He calls back quickly. There is no answer.

 

He types into his phone immediately for Taki. Tanuma needs her here now.

 

“Tanuma? How is Natsume doing?”

 

“Taki I need you over here as soon as you can. Touko-san is on her way over.” He says, trying not to sound frantic.

 

“Oh no. What are you going to tell her? How do we even explain this.” Taki makes a pained noise. There’s a shuffling, likely bringing her grandfather’s things. “I’m on my way over.” 

 

“Hurry.”

 

Tanuma doesn’t know what he’s gonna tell the Fujiwara’s. He really doesn’t know.

 

Natsume looks nervous from where he sits. He opens his mouth, then closes it in contemplation. He stands, and gives Tanuma a determined look he’s all too familiar with.  “I… I can leave. If you need me to, I don’t want to cause you any problems.”

 

Another feeling washes over him, one that’s come with way too much frequency in his time caring for a younger Natsume. That unsettling feeling of being confronted with Natsume’s past, his trauma plain to see rather than kept so hidden. 

 

“Please don’t leave. You didn’t do anything wrong. We’ll figure it out, it’s much safer for you here right now.” He pauses, if the Fujiwara’s are coming over it’s in his best interest to warn him.

 

He kneels to Natsume’s height. It’s so strange still, seeing him like this. He’s so small and as skittish as a feral cat. “Your caretakers, the Fujiwara’s are on their way over. They are worried about you, and they care about you a lot, but just know you don’t have to go with them if you don’t want to.” Tanuma tries, he’s not sure if he can hold up on that promise. He’s still not sure how they are going to react to… this. But if anyone were to understand, he thinks they would. 

 

They have to know, or at least have an inclination, that Natsume has never been a normal boy. He knows Natsume has kept the secret hidden, but there’s simply no way he’s kept the secret so well that they suspect he’s a normal teenager. 

 

He’s still thinking he can maybe hide him, but that would likely lead to them calling declaring Natsume missing and that wouldn’t help any of them. Especially if Natsume randomly turned back to normal in front of people who shouldn’t know.

 

His stomach drops at the thought, if everyone knew his secret, would Natsume stay? Would they still be friends? Or would Natsume cut everyone off. If he lost the opportunity to stay with the Fujiwara’s, Tanuma thinks that would be it for him. He’s not sure where he’d go, but he gets the feeling that would be the last straw. The worst possible blow. 

 

“Do they… they know me?” Natsume says, snapping him out of his worry.

 

“Yes, they know you very well.” He tells Natsume, taking a deep breath. The Fujiwara’s wouldn’t do that, he reminds himself. They care more than anyone, they have to know something. 

 

“But they don’t know that I can see monsters.”

 

Tanuma pauses. “I’m… honestly not sure if they know. They care for you though, they’ll believe you. I think there’s a possibility they know something at the very least. You’ve told me about some incidents at your house. I’d be surprised if they missed any of that entirely.”

 

Natsume turns to stare out the window, towards the water that Tanuma can’t see.

 

He hopes, he prays that it is true. If the Fujiwara’s reject him now Tanuma isn’t sure what will happen. 

 

The only other alternative is that Ponta pulls through just in time. It’s not looking good, they haven’t got an update in a whole day. Last they heard Ponta had picked up a fading scent and it was his most promising lead. 

 

Natsume’s eyes look blank from where he stares out the window. Tanuma thinks he hears a small “they won’t.” But it’s too quiet to tell. He wishes he knew how to comfort Natsume like this, but he’s so different from his older self. 

 

Natsume always has had a wall surrounding him, but this child has a fortress with a moat. He won’t believe that good things happen until it’s shoved in his face. Not that Tanuma can blame him.

 

They sit in silence for a moment before there’s a knock on the door. His stomach drops, he feels like he’s going to be sick. Natsume doesn’t look much better. 

 

He opens the door, Taki stands there with the Fujiwara’s behind her. 

 

“I ran into them on the way here.” She says, looking apologetic. Taki skitters inside and Tanuma steps aside to let the Fujiwara’s in.

 

Tanuma nods and Taki turns to join him to address the Fujiwara’s. He can feel Taki looking for something to say as much as he is, he feels her grab his sleeve faintly, a gesture of support.

 

To his surprise, Shigeru speaks first. “Tanuma-kun, Taki-kun. Where is Natsume? We aren’t mad, but we know you are hiding something.”

 

Tanuma looks to Taki, eyes searching for any other alternative and finds none. 

 

Taki speaks first, “We...there is an explanation. Natsume is here....” She opens her mouth to continue, but no words come out.

 

Tanuma sighs and gestures for Taki to go into the other room to check on Natsume. She sighs, going slowly, whispering good luck as she retreats into the next room. 

 

“Touko-san, Fujiwara-san. Please, come in.” At their look of discontent Tanuma adds, “Natsume is here. But there is something I… you need to know, before you can see him.”

 

“Is he okay?” Touko asks, her hands shaking. 

 

He’s not sure how to answer. “Yes. Sort of. He will be.” 

 

That doesn’t put her at ease much, but it’s the best he can do. 

 

Tanuma sets them at the table and makes them a cup of tea. He can faintly hear Taki in the other room, her voice low.

 

“What’s this all about?” Shigeru says, sounding truly frustrated for the first time. 

 

Natsume is gonna kill him. It’s all Tanuma can think of. The one fear Natsume doesn’t want to share right now. He’s going to take that away from him. But he doesn’t see another way. If they reported Natsume missing it could get so much worse. Natsume could get taken away from the Fujiwara’s, from their friends, he can’t imagine a worse fate for him.

 

He doesn’t want that, and if he knows anything, he knows Natsume doesn’t want that. Especially if he’s stuck in this form, it's imperative he stays with the people who care for him most.

 

“You know Natsume isn’t just… you know he’s special right? You know…” He trails off. How does he explain this? 

 

There’s a pause. The Fujiwara's look at each other once, quickly. There’s a small nod between them, understanding.

 

“Of course we do.” Touko says, her eyes pleading. “Is this about what he sees? All the things he doesn’t tell us about? He thinks he’s quiet, but we always hear him talking to someone, it always sounds like he's talking to something at night.” 

 

Shigeru nods in agreement. 

 

Tanuma breathes out a sigh of relief. He suspected, he wasn’t sure. 

 

“Well this… has to do with that.” 

 

“Natsume has told you about what he sees?” Touko asks, hands coming up above the table.

 

“Yes. He has,” Tanuma admits. 

 

Touko grabs his hands from where they sit on the table, shaking slightly. “I’m so relieved. I worried so much that he had no one to tell. I waited and waited for him to tell us. But if we are his safe place away from it, I want to be that for him. Whatever he needs. He’s opened up so much...” Touko whimpers off, her voice wavering with emotion.

 

He breathes a sigh of relief, “That’s good, that’s… as long as you trust him. If you still want to see him, I think I need to explain… a little.”

 

They share a look. “We do.”

 

Tanuma nods. “He’s… he might not remember you guys right now. He will return to normal, it just might take some time.” Hopefully.

 

Tanuma wrings his hands, the Fujiwara’s watching expectantly.

 

“Taki, can you bring Natsume in?” Tanuma calls to the next room. 

 

Not sure what else to do, Tanuma stands beside the door, there to offer support for Natsume if he needs it. 

 

Natsume steps in with Taki right beside him.   His head is down and he looks nervous. His clothes are still a little oversized, they hadn’t thought too much about it, but now he wonders if they should’ve gone shopping. Tanuma tried to find something small that he hadn’t worn in years, all he came up with was a sweater he wore in middle school and some pants that had shrunk.

 

The Fujiwara’s look in confusion at the young boy when he sits across the table from them. 

 

“Natsume. This is the Fujiwara’s. You live with them, they came by to make sure you are okay.”

 

The Fujiwara’s look to Tanuma in alarm at addressing the boy as Natsume. Touko steps forward, her eyes focused.

 

“How is… how is this possible?”

 

“I don’t really know for sure. I wasn’t there, but Natsume had a run in with… something.”

 

“Something?” Shigeru says, incredulous. 

 

“Sorry... I didn’t mean to cause trouble.” Natsume mumbles shyly. 

 

Recognition alights in the Fujiwara's eyes at last. 

 

Natsume looks like he’s shaking from where he sits, Tanuma and Taki move to sit beside him. 

 

“You did nothing wrong, Takashi-kun.” Touko-san reassures him. 

 

She slowly rises and walks around to the other side of the table. Natsume leans away, falling into Taki’s side. Touko’s hand rises gently and Natsume flinches. 

 

Touko’s eyes widen and she shares a look with Shigeru. 

 

“I’m sorry Takashi-kun, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Touko tells him. “I know you don’t remember me but we’ve been caring for you for a long time. We know some of what’s happened to you, even if you don’t always tell us.”

 

Touko smiles at him in reassurance. Natsume watches her, eyes uncertain.

 

 “If you are alright with it, I’d like to touch you. But if you don’t want that, it's okay. We won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.” Touko tells him. “I just want to make sure you aren’t hurt.” 

 

Natsume looks surprised and his nerves seem to fall away. There’s some recognition in his eyes, Tanuma thinks, the way he leans away from Taki and settles. He does keep one hand on her arm where he grips her sweater. “It’s… it’s okay.”

 

Touko nods, and makes her motions more deliberate. Her hand comes up to rest on Natsume’s head to give him a gentle pat. She checks his temperature on his forehead, and brushes the hair out of his eyes. 

 

“You really are Takashi. When we first met you had that same look in your eyes.” Touko smiles and removes her hand. “You can stay here with Taki-kun and Tanuma-kun if you’d prefer that for now. But at some point I hope you’ll come home with us. You have your own room waiting for you. All your things are there, you have everything set up already for whenever you’re ready to come home.” 

 

Natsume’s eyes go big, “I have my own room?” 

 

“Of course.” Touko replies, smiling. “I think you like staying with me and Shigeru, you’ve been with us for a while now. You and Nyankichi.”

 

At that Natsume looks confused, “The cat that was here before? Nyanko-Sensei?” 

 

Touko laughs pleasantly. “Oh kitty has been here? We were wondering why he was missing dinner so much.” 

 

Tanuma laughs awkwardly, they don’t know about Nyanko-Sensei, they can keep that secret for now. “Yeah he’s been by. Not sure where he’s at now.”

 

Hopefully, Nyanko-Sensei is closing in on the Days Eater by now.  

 

“He’ll be back for sure.” Shigeru says, giving Tanuma a look that tells him he knows something. “He’s probably keeping an eye out for Takashi, that cat follows him everywhere.” 

 

Tanuma nods in agreement. Natsume stares at Shigeru, looking a little intimidated, but not as scared as he was before. 

 

“As Touko said, you are welcome to come home with us. We want to make sure you are cared for.” There’s a pause and Shigeru sighs, “It’s strange, you were a little older when we first met, but there's no doubt, the resemblance is…” He pauses, and blinks as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “I won’t ask you about what you remember, but one of these days, I hope you’ll trust us enough to tell us everything.” 

 

It’s the most he’s ever heard Shigeru say at once, Tanuma couldn’t be more relieved in their acceptance. 

 

“How do you know he will return to normal?” Touko asks, staring at Natsume. “Can you see the things he sees?” 

 

“Not quite.” Taki answers, “but we know a bit about it. My Grandfather used to research...this stuff.” 

 

Touko seems to notice the vagueness of their answers, but says nothing. “So it's temporary?” 

 

Tanuma shrugs, looking sheepish. “Not...quite. We have been told it's reversible. We are getting some help.” 

 

“There’s help for this sort of thing?” Touko pauses, then her eyes light up with some sort of realization. ”I think I might know someone who could help. Can I use your phone?” 

 

Tanuma gives her a questioning look, but directs her to the phone. All of them follow her, even when she shoos them away a bit. Even Shigeru looks unsure of who she is calling. 

 

“Natori-san, sorry to call you so late.” Tanuma and Taki flinch at the mention of Natori’s name. They were waiting to contact him, a last resort.

 

Shigeru looks confused, “Why would Natori…”

 

“Uh...yeah he would probably be able to help. He knows about this sort of thing.” Taki says sheepishly.

 

Touko listens on her end of the line, “Yes, Takashi is in a bit of trouble, that’s why I’m calling. You know about these things right?” 

 

“She guessed?” 

 

Shigeru makes a humming noise, “That makes sense, after Takashi sees him he always has an odd look in his eyes after.”

 

Natsume tugs on Taki’s arm. “Who are we talking about?” 

 

Taki leans down and pats Natsume’s head in reassurance. 

 

“Another friend. You have lots of friends, Natsume.” Taki smiles softly as she tells him.

 

Natsume can’t help but mirror her smile. 

 

 

The Fujiwara’s head home after a few hours. They talk to Natsume as much as they can, but it’s hard to make conversation. The boy gives answers in short single words and sentences, as if he’s afraid to talk too much. 

 

Natori is heading over in the morning, after the Fujiwara’s provided their address. Touko said she would stop by with food in the early afternoon. 

 

“Goodnight Takashi, I’ll be back tomorrow to see how you are if that's alright?”

 

Natsume nods in agreement. 

 

Touko pats his head, a delighted smile on her face as she says, “Ah he’s so cute. I was sad there were no pictures from when he was little when he came to stay.” 

 

Shigeru gives her a fond look before turning to Natsume. “We will be back tomorrow, Takashi. I’ll stop by on my way back from work.”

 

The door shuts softly, and they exhale in relief.  

 

“You’re staying over Taki?” Tanuma asks. 

 

“If that’s alright?” 

 

Tanuma nods, relieved. He wants company when things are like this. 

 

With the Fujiwara’s dealt with he is admittedly relieved. It went well. If Natsume is upset when he remembers, he can’t do anything about it now. 

 

Either way, having an expert like Natori here should help things along. Perhaps there’s a tracking spell he can use. 

 

Natsume seems more at ease with both him and Taki there. Taki is wonderful with him, gentle and sociable in a way that a younger Natsume seems to trust as genuine. Tanuma can’t help but feel a little awkward sometimes.  All he has is words of reassurance. 

 

Still, there’s some trust there now. It’s not perfect, but Natsume doesn’t look fearful at his approach. Just sits patiently, observes his surroundings. 

 

There is one thing he gets excited for, his eyes light up when Tanuma and Taki begin gathering materials in the kitchen. He seems to like when they all cook together, giving him a job makes his eyes light up like he’s been given a gift. Tanuma wonders if this is where his friend gets his obsessive need to help every single youkai or human no matter how dangerous the cause. Natsume thrives most when he feels useful. 

 

Something about that makes him feel uneasy, like his chest hurts. It’s telling of his upbringing that his favorite thing to do is help around. Natsume deserves better than to think he always has to be useful. But he enjoys it, he can’t deny that. Maybe Taki and him can find something else Natsume finds joy in that doesn’t involve him helping.  

 

They hand off stirring a large pot to the boy. He handles the ladle more carefully, and he gets to avoid the tears involved in onion cutting. That’s Tanuma’s job today, the onions are especially potent and he has to step out of the kitchen for a minute halfway through. 

 

As they’re setting dinner, Tanuma notices Natsume’s shift in demeanor once again. His happiness over helping dwindled fast. So far it's been lasting at least until after their meal, he wonders what happened. 

 

Taki notices too, so she decides to approach it. “Are you okay Natsume? What’s on your mind?”

 

“I…um…The food’s really good. Thank you,” Natsume says on a whimper, his eyes watering. He can tell from here he’s trying hard not to let tears spill over.  

 

Tanuma and Taki share a look, uncertain over what has Natsume upset. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Are you sad?” Taki asks. Natsume shakes his head vigorously and hides his face. 

 

“It’s okay if you need to cry, Natsume,” Tanuma tells him, and reaches over to pat his head lightly. 

 

Taki moves to situate herself closer to Natsume at the table and rubs his back soothingly. 

 

Their combined comfort seems to do it, and his shoulders start hitching into sobs. “I’m sor-ry. I’m not sad.” Natsume exhales heavily, trying to get control of his voice. His small face is red from crying, “They were just…they seemed really nice.” 

 

He wonders briefly if Taki feels as anguished as he feels. They’ve heard brief hints at what kind of life Natsume lived before this.  But it’s clear was so much worse than he thought. Worse than Natsume let on.

 

Natsume always told him the same thing. “They…always started out kind. I mean, how could taking in a stranger not be kind. But…”

 

He always left things out, that single “but” was always heavy and Tanuma knew his caretakers weren’t truly kind. It was obvious even then, they didn’t make Natsume ever feel wanted.  

 

But it’s been clear, he was more than unwanted. He was neglected. Actively harmed by his caretakers. Did Natsume not have a single kind caretaker in his entire youth? Did he not make a single friend before he came here? 

 

Natsume sniffles, and his words ring in his ears from days earlier, when they spoke of simple pleasures like festivals and fishing. It’s like a fairytale.

 

He wants to ask him, it feels like an intrusion, what this child last remembers. 

 

“They are really nice,” He says,trying to offer some semblance of comfort. “I’m sure they miss you.” 

 

“Can we–” He starts, but stops himself quickly. 

 

“What’s that Natsume? Can we do something for you?” Taki asks. 

 

“Can…we visit them tomorrow. I want— I want to see.” 

 

They both brighten at that. Natsume finally asking for something for himself. “Yeah, we can take you there. You can stay there if you like.” 

 

Natsume’s eyes are wide. “No–I just want to see. I’m not sure if I can believe it yet.” 

 

He rustles his hair, “Whatever you want.” 

 

Natsume smiles, for the first time since the incident, it’s truly genuine. 

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Notes:

Next chapter will likely be the final one. This was originally meant to be a oneshot but I wanted to involve more characters.

Thank you so much for all the lovely feedback, it motivated me to continue writing this <3 Especially when the writers block got to me.

Can expect more Natsume fic from me in the not so distant future, but I think I'll try to get ahead on my next one before posting it.

Thanks for reading <3

Chapter Text

The next morning has Tanuma and Taki walking Natsume to the Fujiwara’s. It’s painfully domestic, Tanuma holding Natsume’s hand with Taki on the other. To their shock, Natsume had initiated the gesture. His good mood is contagious and he wonders if Natsume will remember all this when he’s better. 

 

He’ll probably be embarrassed. Tanuma can’t bring himself to feel that way when the whole situation has his insides in a knot. 

 

Still, he’s relieved Natsume doesn’t seem to share the same anxiety today. He’s unusually cheerful and exceptionally more trusting than before. He’s almost smiling in his excitement, his lips twitching up faintly every so often. 

 

It helps that the weather is nice. The grasses waver in a dance with the light breeze, and he thinks he can see recognition once again on his friend’s expression. It’s clear he remembers this view, despite seeing it often it’s beauty isn’t diminished on days like this. 

 

They pass the field and still Natsume walks confidently, all the way up until the Fujiwara’s house comes into view. The fresh scent of Touko’s garden wafts in their direction. Natsume drops their hands and keeps pace with them. His self-conscious side rearing its head once more. 

 

Tanuma attempts an encouraging smile when Natsume looks up to him. The excitement has died down in him, but it isn’t gone completely. Tanuma hopes he just needs some encouragement. 

 

Natsume turns to the house, and Tanuma remembers that he doesn’t even know this place right now. And yet, he turned, knowing where it was. 

 

“See Natsume, looks like your memories are still there somewhere,” Taki says, her voice cheerful. Tanuma again really wants to ask what time Natsume is in now. What his most recent memories are, or if it’s all just scrambled. 

 

“Wait this is it? Really?” Natsume’s eyes are wide and bright. “It looks so nice.”

 

At the sound of their conversation, Touko opens the door and grins as wide and welcoming as always. 

 

Her eyes linger on Natsume, the disbelief still present in her expression, but she doesn’t let it lower her gentle tone. There’s not an ounce of doubt of Natsume’s identity, and there’s even more softness to be provided for him in that expression she offers. 

 

Watching the exchange as Natsume walks up to Touko makes his chest feel tight, she gives him a small pat on the head and gestures him inside. He does not flinch, and it’s clear he remembers her. He’s flinched at nearly every hand that’s come even remotely close to him since he arrived. 

 

After she ushers them in, Natsume’s eyes not leaving her form for a second, she leans down to his eye level. “What do you want to eat Takashi-kun? I can make your favorites.” 

 

He almost speaks for him, Touko’s soups are a favorite of Natsume’s, he wouldn’t be surprised if it jogged any memories for him. 

 

“I um… anything is okay.” 

 

Touko looks like she wants to say “Nonsense”. But instead she gets to work and Tanuma recognizes the familiar bowls and spices. She’s thinking the same thing. 

 

Tanuma and Taki move to help while Natsume takes his seat at the table. His small form occupies the space in the same way as always. It’s in his usual spot, and they both sigh in relief at the familiarity in the gesture. 

 

“You think he remembers?” Touko asks gently as she passes him herbs to chop. “He seems more confident today.” 

 

“More so today, it hasn’t been like this the past few days,” Tanuma tells her. “It definitely seems like he remembers more.” 

 

Touko nods. She gets out a pot and adds the herbs for flavor.  “Thank you for bringing him over. I’m glad you didn’t hide him from us. We want to understand.”  

 

“We just don’t want to betray his trust,” Taki adds and Tanuma nods in agreement. 

 

“I understand,” Touko says, her brows furrowed in obvious worry. “I know he doesn’t want to lie to us. I do, but I would like to know more about what’s going on with him.” 

 

Lying. It’s been a sensitive word to use around Natsume in general, this Natsume especially has emphasized that. Every time they believe what he’s seeing, his eyes alight in obvious wonder that someone simply believes him. 

 

“He’s not lying, I think he’s trying to protect you,” He replies, quiet and careful. 

 

Touko’s concerned look doesn’t fade, but her eyes stray to Natsume from where he sits on the table. He’s watching them carefully, a knowing look in his eye. That sharp cat-like look, like Natsume knows exactly what they are talking about.

 

He feels guilty. This Natsume wouldn’t understand the word “lying” in the same contest that he does now. Done purposefully and with the intent to protect his loved ones. 

 

Sensing his unease, Touko approaches him. “Do you want to see your room?” 

 

Natsume nods seriously and he hops down from the chair. Taki moves to follow and turns for a moment to meet Tanuma’s eyes. 

 

“It’s okay?” She asks. 

 

Tanuma smiles, “I think so.” 

 

Touko offers Natsume her hand, when he hesitates she retracts it easily, unbothered. 

 

“It’s just up the stairs, I’ll show you.” 

 

Natsume slows and keeps pace with them instead of Touko now. When they reach the second floor and cross the hall, Natsume follows slowly. 

 

“This is your room.”

 

The room is as it always is, its usual occupant peeks in slowly, eyes glancing at the corners and desk. The scent is still distinctly Natsume, a vaguely forest-like scent mixed with the smell of wood and old paper. 

 

“Where’s my…?” Natsume trails off hesitantly. Taki and Tanuma share a look of confusion. 

 

“You’ve been with us awhile now Natsume. You unpacked your box a long time ago,” Touko responds with ease and crouches down to his level once more. “You put a few things in your desk, and you keep some photos in your closet if you’d like to take a look.”  

 

His eyes alight, Touko knowing his exact concern. Tanuma again wonders what Natsume was like those first few weeks here. He watches as Natsume makes straight for the closet, opening it with a sense of urgency. 

 

His parents, he remembers. That old photo, the one possession Natsume has that is indicative of his former life. 

 

They stay back, though he’s tempted to make sure he’s okay when Natusme crawls into the lowest point of the closet. 

 

Nobody moves, and Natsume doesn’t reemerge. Touko makes a sound of acknowledgement and her gaze is knowing. “Why don’t you two keep him company, I’ll go finish up dinner.” 

 

They enter and Taki makes herself comfortable on one of the seating pillows. Tanuma joins her slowly, still watching close from where Natsume has secluded himself behind the door of the closet. 

 

“Do you think maybe he should stay with them? He seems…good here,” Taki says, with concern that sounds more like a parent than a friend. 

 

“I think he should decide. They still…youkai could come for him. I don’t know if–” He’s cut off by the closet door opening and Natsume crawling out. 

 

There’s a look in his eyes that’s distinctly like the Natsume they know so well. Sharp and distant. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asks. Because Natsume is never really okay when he gets those eyes. 

 

“You were telling the truth.” Natsume closes the door, sounding much more mature suddenly than his appearance indicates. “I still….don’t remember. Not really. But I…”

 

His eyes get glassy and he turns away. Taki and Tanuma both reach for him to offer some form of comfort, but he steps away. 

 

“I’m fine. Let’s go back downstairs.” 

 

Taki meets his eyes, the same worry reflected back. He doesn’t know how the truth is a bad thing in this case, but he can understand that Natsume is processing something they can’t understand. 

 

There’s so many facets to his friend, he remembers many times where Natsume looked like he was somewhere else. Where something happened to send him far away in his head. In those times, Tanuma just tried to be there, ready for when he returned. This is different from then, different from how Natsume is now. There’s moments like now, where that distance returns, but this child is distinctly present, whatever his thoughts, the emotions are on the surface. Open and expressive in a way the Natsume they know keeps reined in. 

 

The dinner is set, Natsume’s glassy eyes replaced with wonder as he lifts his utensils. Touko’s made sukiyaki with miso soup. The bowls are overflowing, and the warm aroma of the kitchen sets them all a bit more at ease. 

 

He waits until they are all seated and Tanuma notices it isn’t until they all start eating that he joins in. Touko seems to notice too, but she says nothing, simply smiles when Natsume makes a sound of appreciation after his first bite.

 

Shigeru arrives home then, Natsume looks uneasy, his chopsticks hovering. Shigeru spares Natsume a glance, but his expression is calm. 

 

“We have a full table today,” Shigeru says, grinning softly at them. The Fujiwara’s presence always a soothing balm to tension.  “Sorry I’m late.” 

 

“And we have one more coming,” Touko says. “Natori-kun is on his way, hopefully he can help.” 

 

Natori. His solutions aren’t always ideal from what Tanuma understands. Natsume and him are close, but he knows Natsume tries not to reach out to him for help unless it's really necessary. 

 

Overall he’s heard very little. For as much as he’s speaks of youkai matters now there is still another world Natsume has tried to keep his friends separate from. 

 

Exorcists don’t understand. They don’t always look at youkai the same. That’s all Tanuma knows. 

 

Natsume’s face is blank, absent of recognition. “Natori is a friend?” 

 

“Yes, he’s older and can see things, just like you!” Taki says with a smile. 

 

Natsume’s eyes go wide. “Just like me? He can see all the monsters?” 

 

Kaname reels at the dissonance in how Natsume talks of youkai now. Last week, when he talked of the youkai of Yatsuhara there was nothing but a warm smile on his face. Great fondness for them. How did he come to accept them? Wherever Natsume is in his life now, youkai are monsters. 

 

“Just like you,” Taki agrees. “We’re hoping he can help. He’s kind of an expert.” 

 

They begin clearing the plates when the knock finally comes. 

 

It’s been awhile since Tanuma has seen Natori. He’s strange and fascinating in a lot of ways, very different from the kind of interesting Natsume exudes. Natori is kind, but even back then, Tanuma had a sense that there was something behind his words whenever he spoke. Another intent to his actions when he interacted with Natsume. 

 

It made Tanuma a little distrustful of him, even if he did save their lives. 

 

Still, Natsume trusts him. He knows Natsume senses it too. That hesitance in involving Tanuma with him says enough. 

 

The door opens and Natori looks the same as ever, though his eyes are quick and searching. 

 

“I know you were vague on the phone Fujiwara-san, but where’s Natsume, is he alright?” Natori’s voice is strained. He must’ve been worrying all night. “I was under the impression you were unaware of his…” 

 

He trails off, the instinct to protect his secret still there. 

 

“He’s okay, but… well we weren’t, not really. But there was really no way around us finding out this time. It’s easier if we show you,” Touko tells him, guiding him through the entranceway. Tanuma takes it as an opportunity to make himself known. 

 

“Ah, Tanuma, it's good you’re here.” 

 

He nods. “Good to see you again.” 

 

Taki holds Natsume behind him, and he nods at her to lead him forward. “Natsume, this is your friend, Natori.” 

 

The step forward is slow, but Natori’s eyes are wide with recognition, he needs no convincing.

 

“I—how?” 

 

“The days eater?” Taki says, her tone uncertain. “Nyanko is trailing him now, but we haven’t heard any updates in a few days now.”

 

Tanuma notices Shigeru turns to Touko and mumbles, “Kitty is after the youkai?What…oh.” 

 

“The days eater? A youkai?” Natori asks, confusion evident. Tanuma hoped he would know something about the name, but he isn’t surprised. “I…what age is he?” 

 

Natori kneels down to Natsume’s eye level.  Tanuma speaks for him,“He can’t remember recent things really well, how old are you Natsume?”    

 

“I—um.” 

 

There’s a long pause as he thinks. Maybe his memories aren’t clear from the time he’s stuck either. Ponta did say everything was scrambled.

 

“I think I’m nine? But I only remember my seventh birthday.”

 

“You don’t remember your eighth?” Tanuma asks in surprise. He had a hard time guessing what age Natsume is at, his social skills are a mixed bag with no clear indication of age.  

 

“It’s hard to remember my birthday sometimes, no one really celebrates so…” 

 

He tries to keep his expression neutral on hearing that. There’s so much he still doesn’t know about Natsume; his past is a dark shadow over him. The neglect is obvious, even more so in his current state. Taki and him watching at every turn, every flinch. Hearing it out loud is harder than he expected.

 

If Touko’s furious expression is anything to go by, she didn’t know either. Shigeru sighs sadly. 

 

Natori looks unsurprised. “So he lost quite a few years.” 

 

Taki jumps in, kneeling down with him. “We think he still has the memories, they’re just…scrambled. He recognizes things sometimes.” 

 

“How did you know that?” Natsume says, incredulous. 

 

Taki grins again, “We know you.” 

 

That glassy look is back, and Natori’s smile is sad. 

 

“I will not lie to you, I am not familiar with any youkai by that name. I haven’t heard of anyone having this sort of thing happen to them. There’s legends of youkai being able to…rejuvenate people. A few exorcists went searching for cures to old age from spirits.” Natori pauses and looks down at the child. “Natsume has more elaborate adventures than anyone I know. I can see if there’s a curse or a spell on him that we can remove. But other than that, the only thing I can do is search for this youkai for you.” 

 

The Fujiwara's look frightened at that thought. “If there is a spell, will removing it help?” Touko asks hesitantly. 

 

“I don’t know.” Natori answers honestly. 

 

It’s not surprising. Nyanko said himself this would be difficult. Tanuma sighs, mind buzzing with nothing ideas.

 

Until he remembers their greatest asset. 

 

“I…Natori do you know Natsume’s youkai friends well?” 

 

Natori laughs at that, an odd, painful sound. “Friends you say? I know he has powerful allies.” 

 

Tanuma winces, “Would you be willing to talk to them? They may know something or be able to help. I know you don't ... trust youkai like he does, but he’s told us of how they help him. He has a loyal following.”

 

Natori makes a sound like a huff of indignation, “I…yes of course, I can talk to them for you. They may try to kill me once they sense that I am an exorcist. I’m not sure I’m a match for Natsume’s powerful friends.”

 

Little Natsume’s eyes go wide, “You’re an exorcist?” 

 

Natori nods, hesitant. 

 

Natsume’s shyness seems to fade and he looks at Natori with nothing short of awe. 

 

“Can you teach me? How do I get them to leave me alone?” 

 

Tanuma watches as Natori’s mouth falls open. 

 

Natori raises his head, standing to meet Tanuma’s eyes. “We’re sure this is the same Natsume correct?” 

Chapter 3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tanuma isn’t sure how exactly it happens, but they somehow get in contact with a member of Natsume’s “dog circle.” 

 

Natori explains that they approached him just outside the Fujiwara home, it’s surprising given his position. 

 

“They must’ve been waiting, or noticed his absence,” Natori said then, not long after their initial introduction to Natsume. 

 

Describing them as a taller woman in an elaborate kimono, carrying a Kiseru pipe. It sounds like the one Natsume calls Hinoe. If he remembers correctly, Hinoe can be a little touchy, but has helped him repeatedly when he’s dealt with curses or illness. 

 

A meeting time is set up, taking place just outside Tanuma’s place. Chosen for its neutral location for the youkai and an escape route for the humans. 

 

Tanuma hopes it is not a tense meeting. He doesn’t want to cause any trouble for Natsume once he’s better. 

 

There was some discussion on whether they bring Natsume or not, it was eventually decided that he and Taki will go, accompanying Natsume while Natori does most of the talking. They’d rather keep him out of it, but the power of his friends is unknown. Having him there will serve as both evidence and a buffer to keep Natori from coming into danger, while also protecting the youkai from the exorcist. 

 

Natsume doesn’t seem too enthused, but he agrees to it readily once the plan is proposed. The Fujiwaras aren’t happy with it either, but Tanuma tries to soothe them by emphasizing that the youkai are friends. 

 

Given the meeting time, Tanuma and Taki are granted a night off on babysitting Natsume duty. Natsume hesitantly decided to stay the night with the Fujiwaras. They seemed happy about it, nothing but welcoming smiles. Still, Tanuma and Taki give them a few warnings about youkai, just in case. 

 

With the night alone, Tanuma feels a little helpless. Like he should be doing more somehow. He can’t imagine dealing with things like this the way Natsume does, his nerves are frayed and he finds himself dozing long before the bedtime he’d rather sleep at. 

 

Tanuma fights sleep and sits down to read as a distraction, however his mind wanders easily. They still haven’t heard from Ponta in days, he’s starting to worry. It’s still their best lead, and Natsume needs his protector. It’s only a matter of time before a youkai gives him trouble. 

 

His father is gratefully absent again, his frequent busyness serving as a benefit to him when youkai business is involved. His father would be worried sick if he saw how tired Kaname has been. 

 

There’s too much to worry about, and with his thoughts still buzzing, he makes it to bed with some effort. The futon blanket is warm and he doesn’t expect the way exhaustion settles on him like an impossible weight. 

 

He sleeps in the next morning, too long, until he’s scrambling to change quickly so he’s prepared for guests. Breakfast is quick. It nears afternoon by the time he’s finished, and only a few minutes after when the knock comes. 

 

First arrived is Natori with Natsume at his side, still glaringly small. He doesn’t know why he expects him to look different, for the spell to wear thin or if he’s just expecting his friend to be back to normal. 

 

“Hello,” he asks. “Make yourselves at home. How was the Fujiwara's yesterday, Natsume?” 

 

Natori smiles pleasantly and they take a seat at the dining room table.

 

That distant look seems even more prominent today. His facial expression is stern, older than such a young face should look. 

 

“They’re really nice,” He says simply. “My room…felt familiar.” 

 

“That’s good! Your memories are still there.” Tanuma tells him.

 

“It's strange. The last time I had a room to myself, well. It wasn’t really my room. It—” he cuts himself off. 

 

Natori leans close to Tanuma’s ear. “He seems troubled by his memories today.” 

 

Tanuma nods in acknowledgment, watching small Natsume closely in how he fidgets with his hands. “It’s?” Tanuma says, prompting Natsume to continue. 

 

His eyes go distant as he speaks. Continuing on at a slower pace. “The girl I shared the room with didn’t like me. She’d go to sleep with her parents and I’d have the room to myself. But I couldn’t stay there very long,” He heaves a sigh, too heavy for someone so young. “ I caused a lot of trouble for her parents.” 

 

The words send a pang through Tanuma’s chest. It’s again, nothing surprising. Natsume has told him more about youkai troubles than human, which in itself says everything he needs to know. Still, he’s not sure how to offer comfort for that look.  “That must’ve been hard. But you deserve a good home Natsume. You have one now.” 

 

Natsume bows his head, until a curtain of hair blocks his face. “I don’t. What I did—- the police had to come to the house a bunch. I kept running off. I just wanted to live alone, I couldn’t stand the way she yelled at me. It made me miss my Dad. And I was so scared of the monster that lived there. Every house I’ve been such a burden to everyone. Her parents were nice, they didn’t deserve that.” 

 

It’s the most he’s said since he’s changed. A bottled up memory boiling over. Tears drop from Natsume’s concealed face. He moves quickly to his side, Tanuma rubbing his back soothingly while Natori stares, wide eyed. 

 

Tanuma meets his eyes in surprise. He’s not sure if he’s just not interacted with children before, but it’s obvious his friend needs comfort.  

 

“Let yourself cry, you’re safe now. You didn’t deserve to feel unwanted everywhere you went either Natsume. You’re very much wanted here, I hope you can take some comfort in that,” Tanuma says with a lump in his throat. 

 

“I really really like it here, I don’t want it to be a dream,” Natsume sobs into his hands. He looks so small. So unlike himself, vulnerability completely on display. 

 

He hopes one day his friend can open up more, let these things out. It’s clear as a child, he had so much grief and heartache it just all spilled out. 

 

“It’s not a dream, I promise.” 

 

There’s a long pause, his sniffles giving way to a deep thought. “Is… is my dad alive?”

 

Tanuma frowns. “No Natsume, I’m sorry as far as I know your dad is gone.”

 

Strangely, the words calm him and his hiccuping slows. “If it was a dream my dad would be here,” he says with an absolute certainty it makes Tanuma want to weep for him. 

 

Natsume never talked about his parents, the only time being when he nearly lost that picture of them. He’s surprised that this younger boy seems to remember his Dad in some way.

 

“Do you remember your father?” Tanuma asks. 

 

“Not really. But he was really nice. It’s hard to remember,” Natsume says with confidence. 

 

Tanuma nods, understanding. 

 

Natori is silent from where he sits, staring with a look that almost seems frightened. His eyes are wide with alarm. 

 

“Natori?” 

 

“I—uh sorry I.. didn’t know much about Natsume’s past.” He stops and adjusts his glasses. His eyes watch Natsume as his small hands wipe his cheeks of tears.“Those with powers like ours, we usually don’t have it easy. But I’m surprised with how he is right now, how he became so very soft hearted.” 

 

Natsume had told Tanuma before that Natori is complicated. He trusts him with his life, but keeps his distance with certain matters. Natori intentionally doesn’t take jobs in town, because Natsume likes to do things his way. The way Natori looks right now, he’s wondering just how hardened Natori is to youkai. Natsume speaks of them not unlike meeting a new person. 

 

Tanuma nods in agreement, though he thinks he already knows the difference. Finding a soft place after a long, hard journey, one that allowed Takashi’s true heart to show itself… 

 

“C’mon, we should go to the meeting place.” Natori says, voice solemn in thought. 

 

“You okay?” Tanuma asks Natsume from where he sits huddled at the table. 

 

He nods his head vigorously and stands. Natsume is strong, no matter what age. 

 

 

The meeting place is just over the bridge, as they walk they find Taki on the way. She smiles wide when she sees them. 

 

“How are you today, Natsume? Did you have a good time at the Fujiwaras?” Taki asks him with a grin. Her energy is always a soothing balm and Natsume’s smile is genuine when he answers her. 

 

“I had a really good time. They are very nice,” He says in a light, unworried tone. Tanuma is relieved, from their earlier conversation he seemed troubled. Hopefully their conversation helped. 

 

“They are really nice. You’ll remember them soon, they really care about you.” Taki smiles, reassuring as she pats his head. 

 

There’s a rustling in the bush and Natsume tenses, his eyes go wide. 

 

“They’re here,” Natori says solemnly. “There’s more than I expected.” 

 

Natsume hides behind his leg, but he doesn’t look afraid. His eyes are trained on the treeline, focused on the youkai as if trying to recall them. 

 

Natori’s hand shoots out suddenly, blocking access to Natsume. 

 

“He doesn’t remember right now.” Natori says defensively. “We just need your help, is there a way to reverse the spell?”

 

Natori’s stance is hostile, intimidating. If Tanuma knows anything about his brief interactions with Natsume and how he speaks to friendly youkai, this is a bad idea. On closer look, Tanuma wonders if he is afraid, Tanuma isn’t certain, but he is under the impression his friend’s are strong. 

 

Tanuma steps forward, blind to their audience. “I know you’re his close friends. Natori just wants to protect him, but if you can offer us any information we’d be really grateful! We just want to help him.” 

 

There’s only the rustle of tree branches and a gentle wind to reply. 

 

Natori makes a scoffing sound. “They think he’s cute like this.” 

 

Tanuma can’t help, but laugh a little at that. It’s so strangely human of a response. He tries again. “He won’t remember you all, unless he goes back to how he was. He wants to remember.” 

 

There’s a small hand on his shirt. “These are my friends right?” 

 

“Yes Natsume, these are your friends,” Tanuma assures him. 

 

He nods, a determined set to his shoulders. He steps forward, into the small clearing separating them. Natori nearly follows him, before Tanuma holds him back, placing a hand on his chest. The instinct to do the same is nearly overpowering, letting him interact with something he can't see. 

 

“Let’s trust him, okay?” Tanuma says to Natori. 

 

“I’m starting to see the Natsume I know.” Natori’s smile is unreadable. 

 

Natsume starts speaking, soft and hesitant. “I uh, want my old memories back. I want to remember you all.  Can you help me?” 

 

There’s a gust of wind, strong and violent. He recognizes the smell that comes with it, almost like a pond.Tanuma knows this one, Natsume has mentioned him on more than one occasion. One of the more powerful youkai Natsume has spoken of, Misuzu. 

 

Natori looks panicked and Tanuma increases the pressure from where he holds him. Everything Tanuma knows says Natsume is safe. 

 

Another wind, and Natsume flinches, but not afraid. Something tousles his hair. A phantom affectionate gesture. 

 

Natori’s stress eases, Tanuma can’t hear what’s being said, but whatever conversation they’re having seems to have Natori calming. 

 

“They’re…really friendly with him. The one called Hinoe is talking about seeing another youkai about a cure.” 

 

Tanuma nods, and there’s almost a smile on Natsume’s face as the wind around him fluctuates. 

 

“He has powerful friends,” Natori comments.  “He gets into all this trouble, he should rely on them more often.” 

 

Tanuma almost laughs. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told him to rely on others.” 

 

A realization occurs then, and things he thought he knew all along ease. It’s not just himself that Natsume refuses to rely on, not just because he’s weak. He doesn’t rely often on anyone. 

 

“Idiot never learns.” 

 

Natori and Tanuma turn to the sound of that voice. 

 

“Ponta?” 

 

Stumbling across the bridge, looking more disheveled than Tanuma’s ever seen the cat look, Nyanko sensei meanders as if every limb is sore, paws slowly stumbling forward. 

 

“Kitty!” Taki rushes forward, enveloping Nyanko in a hug that he simply ragdolls into. 

 

“He owes me… so much manju— and sake,” He grumbles from Taki’s hold on him. 

 

“You found the Days Eater?” Tanuma asks. 

 

“Brat will be better by morning.” 

 

Nyanko-sensei makes a groaning sound as Taki squeals in delight. “Thank you Nyanko-Sensei!” 

 

Natsume turns from his youkai friends and smiles wide. “Thank you. I’m—  I'm excited to remember you all.” 

 

Tanuma hopes he does. He still has no idea what Natsume will say when he remembers. A part of him is worried he’d try to leave, now that the Fujiwaras know. He tries to remind himself that Natsume doesn’t seem as afraid as he used to be when he first got here. He shares a lot with them, he and Taki wait outside school for him everyday just to hear about his adventures. 

 

Surely, with his life now, he won’t run. Their little group is proof that knowing his secret isn’t a bad thing. 

 

Natori smiles. “Well guess you guys didn’t need my help anyway.” 

 

“Sorry about that,” Tanuma apologizes sheepishly, it all feels too much with Nyanko-sensei announcing everything is fine, just like that. 

 

“Don’t be, I’ll always worry about Natsume.” Natori puts on his cap. “It’s good to know he has powerful friends keeping an eye on him,” Natori says to the treeline, likely where Natsume’s youkai friends stand. 

 

He thinks he can hear their response, ever so faintly on the wind.  We will look out for him. 

 

It sounded warm. 

 

 

A ray of light, just slipping through the window, shines in Natsume’s eyes. He blinks, waking slowly, it feels like he just gave up multiple names. His head pounds with the weight of it, and the memories come back in like a slow liquid, one drip at a time. 

 

He doesn’t remember falling asleep on the floor of Tanuma’s guest room, but he does remember his hands being smaller than they are now. The familiarity of Yatsuhara stretching out in front of him. Warm cooking among friends and family. 

 

Touko and Shigeru know his secret now. 

 

Natsume inhales slowly. He tries not to panic, his friends didn’t have a choice, that much is certain. The Fujiwaras were presented with near undeniable proof of the existence of youkai, there’s no turning back. 

 

“Natsume?” 

 

Tanuma’s expression is uncertain as he enters the room. Natsume wants to hide his face, remembering the way his young self had spoken and acted, it makes him want to hide. 

 

“Hi Tanuma.” Natsume says simply, not sure what else to say. No words could express his gratitude. Nor his utter embarrassment. Without their help, it could’ve been so much worse. 

 

“Feeling okay? Do you remember?” Tanuma asks first, he must be worried about the same things. 

 

“I’m fine. It's still coming back, but I think I remember everything important.” 

 

Tanuma exhales heavily. The anxiety comes off him in powerful waves, his unease obvious in every inch of him. 

 

“I’m not angry with you. Thank you, for all you did.” Natsume tells him, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. He feels like he expressed himself enough for a lifetime, remembering the way he spoke as a child. Still, he feels it now on the surface, the vulnerability, the sadness that was conveyed. 

 

Maybe it’s because he’s just so exhausted, but he feels like he’s spilling over. His emotions feel impossible to keep in check like this. The Fujiwara's know, and it's all he can think about. 

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t...I couldn’t keep it from them, they were scared for you.” 

 

Tanuma’s voice is sad. He knows what this means for him. He knows. 

 

“I know. I’m not mad.” Natsume murmurs. He tilts his head to the ceiling, keeping the stubborn tears from flowing out. “I understand, I promise.” 

 

“Why do you sound–.” 

 

“I just—I need a moment,” Natsume says, and the tears fall regardless of his efforts.

 

Tanuma does not give him a moment. And in the next, his arms are around him in an embrace. “I’m sorry they found out. I’m sorry this happened.” 

 

Natsume returns the gesture, the tears not stopping. “It’s not your fault. It’s okay, if they know. It’s… I’m scared.” 

 

Tanuma holds him tighter. It’s what he needs, he melts into it. Lets the knot in his chest ease.  He’s never had this, this comfort from a friend. It makes it better, but it makes him want to cry harder. Something even more mortifying than remembering his child self in clear detail. 

 

“It feels like the end of something. I know it’s not, but it still feels like I’m going to lose them sometimes. Lose this.” Natsume goes on, and Tanuma leans back to meet his eyes. They share a nod. Tanuma understands even if he can’t see. 

 

Tanuma knows him even more after meeting his younger self. The self he put under wraps a long time ago. He knows what it means to him, the idea of losing what he has now is unbearable. Takashi doesn’t think he would survive it. 

 

“As long as you want to be here, we’re here. That goes for the Fujiwara’s too, you don’t have to leave. You can stay, it's okay to want to stay,” Tanuma tells him. 

 

“But I could put you all in danger,” Natsume says weakly, a feeble argument he always returns too.  He spins around that thought almost every day. 

 

“We could be in danger anyway, knowing or not knowing. Being near you or not. Youkai do things to people who can’t see too. The biggest difference this way is that you’re not alone.” Tanuma says and if the truth wasn’t what it was, it would be the perfect argument for him to stay. Except there’s still one thing he doesn’t know about. 

 

The secret brims his lips, as it has many times before. The urge to share the truth. To make him see the true danger he’s in by helping him, by being his friend. 

 

He lets it flow out this time. Let him understand. “There’s a reason they come for me! I have a target on my back,” Natsume confesses. “There’s a reason the dangerous ones come for me.” 

 

Tanuma quiets. “What is the reason?” 

 

Natsume exhales, it would be even more dangerous to tell him. “I don’t want you to be in any more danger than you already are. But I…possess something. They want it. Youkai may ask you where it is, it's better if you don’t know what it is.”

 

Tanuma smiles, genuine, but exhausted in a way. “Thank you for telling me, but my argument still stands. You can tell the Fujiwara’s your secret too and they’ll probably say the same thing. You’re family. You don’t have to run away when you’re in trouble. We’ll all just want to protect you more, even when we don’t have the power to.” 

 

Natsume can feel the tears return, and he fights them. “I…that’s not fair to you.” 

 

“It’s plenty fair.” Tanuma says. Natsume can tell his logic frustrates his friend. He rarely gets this riled up, but it's always about this same thing.  “Friends are there for each other through hard times, even dangerous times. I know these are extreme circumstances, but I think that still applies. If some human or youkai were after me would you just want to avoid me forever?” 

 

“Of course not.” 

 

“Then you get it.” Tanuma asserts. 

 

It doesn’t feel the same. If he said everything, would Tanuma actually feel like his life was in danger. 

 

Or does he know, does he know and still care regardless? He’ll have to tell the Fujiwara’s this much at least. Give an inclination to the existence of the book of friends or he’ll feel guilt every day he sleeps under their roof. 

 

Perhaps Tanuma is right, of his friends he knows more than most. He’s seen the cruelty youkai can exhibit. He knows the danger. 

 

The Fujiwara’s don’t though, and that’s what’s going to drive him mad. They can’t know. Their peaceful lives and gentle smiles will fall under the weight of such knowledge. 

 

“I understand. But…the Fujiwara’s…they’ll agree but never know the true nature, how truly dangerous it is just to house me. Just to be next to me.”

 

“Idiot.” Nyanko sensei says from the nearby pillow he was napping on. “Protect them, and it's fine.” 

 

Natsume feels like he wants to pull his hair out at input from Nyanko sensei, simplifying it like it's that easy when he knows more than anyone it's not. 

 

“Would you try to rely on me and Taki a little? I can tell, this burden, whatever it is, is really heavy for you. If not us, then another of your youkai friends?”

 

Natsume sighs heavily. “I already rely on you too much, more than you know. Them too.” 

 

“They seemed open to helping more.” 

 

Natsume grumbles at that. The dog’s circle is always more than willing for him to owe them a favor. 

 

Tanuma sits back, resigned. “I’m not going to convince you today, but think on it more. We’re here for you, if you want us to be. That goes for everyone, you should know that by now.” 

 

“I do, I…” 

 

“Don’t want us to get hurt. I know.” Tanuma puts a gentle hand on his shoulder and stands, offering a hand to pull Natsume up. He accepts it.  

 

He’s so grateful for his friends, his family that he’s made here. It’s why all of this, it seems so impossible. To have it all, and have them know too. For them to accept the danger and embrace it anyway. 

 

The thought is terrifying, as much as he wants it. He would love not to have to lie.  

 

The more terrifying thought lies in the result of the truth, the danger, the danger that often comes too close even now.

 

Tanuma readies a pot of tea and Natsume watches, staring as the water pours into the kettle.  

 

“I’m sorry.” It tumbles out of him. “I’m scared. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.” 

 

Tanuma turns, and nods. “I know. But none of us want you to be hurt either.”

 

He nods, accepting for now the end of their discussion. It’s not something that has a definitive resolution. Tanuma can’t deny the possibility of danger, and Natsume can’t accept that anyone would want him in his life regardless of it. 

 

It’s so different from how things were before. His childhood memories feel fresh. How so few people wanted him around, in a time when he was less dangerous to be around. Now his best friend is fighting for him to stay and his caretakers have accepted the fact he can see youkai with open arms. 

 

He wonders if the others could sense it, the lingering danger around him. Or if it was just because he said weird things and did weird things sometimes.

 

As if reading his mind, Tanuma sets him a cup of tea and guides him to sit at the dining table. “I know I uh…said a lot there. But if you need to talk about it more, we can.” 

 

“Just thinking that things are very different from when I was a child,” Natsume says with a laugh. He sips at his tea, a calming floral flavor. There’s so much there, years of vivid detailed pain, years of faint memory that he tried to forget. Years of struggling with youkai and humans alike. 

 

Now both are settled, standing side by side in a way. He watches as Nyanko-sensei strolls out from his nap and joins them for tea. Nyanko-sensei takes his seat next to Tanuma, and their eye contact is telling. Natsume finds himself marveling at such a simple impossible gesture. 

 

Tanuma got a taste of his human past this week. He’s likely heard more than enough. 

 

There’s a tilting smile on Tanuma, and he thinks he knows what he will say next. 

 

“Tell me,” Tanuma says anyway. 

 

Natsume smiles at that. “Okay.” 

 

So, for the first time, he does.

Notes:

Thanks so much to everyone for commenting, it really kept my motivation up to keep writing this.

This was a fun idea I started thinking about wayyy back when the og episode aired, so I'm excited it's finally finished and posted. This chapter in particular has been almost posted 3 seperate times now, the ending getting strangely longer each time. Hope you enjoy it!

There is still 3 incomplete Natsume works in my drive that I'm trying to figure out how to write more for before posting.

Thanks for reading!!

Notes:

Thanks for reading!