Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bojan looked carefully in all directions before turning into the narrow alley. He always felt watched when he was here, like someone was watching him as soon as he entered this part of town.

Maybe people actually were.

He wasn't supposed to be here. He didn't fit here. He simply shouldn't be here. He should immediately turn around and leave this place as quickly as possible.

However, he didn't, he stubbornly continued straight ahead. He wouldn't turn back.

He didn't want to.

He was absolutely aware of the risk he was taking; he had always been, he had grown up being wrong and feeling wrong, and he wasn't afraid of the consequences for himself.

No, but he was afraid for him.

He had sworn to himself that he would do anything to protect him. He would never be able to forgive himself if something happened to him.

They could throw Bojan into prison, they could punish him, they could distribute him to death. If only they would spare the one he loved.

However, it didn't even make sense to punish them.

Because what was the charge? What had they done wrong? What were they doing wrong?

There was nothing. Nothing but love. Their true love for each other.

And what was wrong about love?

How hateful and cruel could one be to hate love?

A little boy was sitting in the dust in front of one of the houses, playing with a broken marble. He stared at Bojan with wide eyes. "Why you here?"

Bojan looked back at the boy. "I'm just... visiting a friend." It wasn't quite the truth but at least close to it. And telling the truth was dangerous, even when it was to a little kid.

The boy kept staring at him, confused and in disbelief. "You friend? Here?"

"Not exactly here." Bojan shook his head and pointed down the alley. "Somewhere over there."

Wow, even that child realized that he didn't fit here. Was it really that obvious?

Continuing his way, he looked down at himself. He was wearing normal clothes, just something he had thought to be inconspicuous. Something he had thought wouldn't catch people's attention, but for people whose only clothes were tattered and filthy he probably looked like he was wearing his best Sunday clothes.

Next time, he definitely would have to be more careful. If there would be a next time at all.

Finally, he spotted the house. Looking in all directions again, he quickly headed for the door and knocked. Even though he hadn't seen anyone looking, he felt like there were eyes glued to his back.

Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long until the door was opened, and a brightly smiling Jere pulled him into his arms. "Bojan, you here."

"I said I'd come." Stepping in, Bojan hugged him tightly, unwilling to ever let him go.

"Yes yes, you say." Jere pushed the door shut with his foot. "I'm very happy you here. I miss you."

"I missed you, too." Smiling widely, Bojan lifted his head to look into the other's eyes. He loved Jere's eyes, shining at him in this fascinating blue. "So much."

His gaze wandered to Jere's lips, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but he hesitated, looking Jere in the eye again. In no way did he want to get them in trouble. "Is... I mean... Are you alone?"

"Yes yes, home alone, Mikke working." Jere nodded and smirked. "Just kiss me, no one look."

Bojan didn't need to be told twice. Without further hesitation, he finally closed the distance between their lips, pulling Jere closer. He had missed this so much. He had missed Jere so much. His boyfriend.

It wasn't like Mikke didn't know about them and would reveal their secret to the police as soon as he found out. No, Jere had already told his brother about his relationship and had introduced them to each other.

Mikke had always been friendly to Bojan when he had seen him, but Jere had told him that in the beginning his brother hadn't been happy for them at all. On the contrary, Mikke had been very worried and had tried to dissuade his little brother because the relationship was way too risky.

However, Jere had not listened at all, he had stubbornly replied that he loved his boyfriend no matter what people were thinking and that they would stay together as long as Bojan would want him, the only thing Mikke could decide was whether he wanted to support him or be against him.

After that, Mikke had given up and had answered that it was their own decision what they wanted to do and that he wasn't in principle against their relationship but he was just worried.

That was something Bojan could understand very well, because he was worried too. He would prefer being with Jere all the time, he wanted to wake up with him and to go to bed with him, to spend every day and all the nights with him, just like all of his friends would be able to do with their wives someday, but that was unfortunately only an unreachable dream.

It was simply impossible, and it would probably never become possible as long as he lived. Maybe never at all. It wasn't fair. Why was their love treated so differently? Who had decided it was illegal?

Surely someone who wasn't affected at all. Someone who would never suffer from being illegal and not allowed to love.

Someone who shouldn't care at all, because changing the law wouldn't take anything away from anyone. Those people wouldn't lose anything but people like Bojan and Jere would finally be able to be a normal couple that didn't have to fear being punished for their love.

It hadn't been his choice who he fell in love with, it wasn't like he had been given a paper before his birth which he unfortunately had filled out wrongly. Besides, he wasn't unhappy with the fact that he was in love with a man. No, the only thing that he hated about it was how society treated them.

How people would stare, shocked and disgusted, wishing people like him to die. How people kept saying that same-sex couples would go straight to hell for their sins and burn in agony in hellfire. How the law that was supposed to protect people was an even bigger threat for Jere and him.

"What you think now?" Jere had stepped back and was looking at him, worried and insecure. "Something wrong?"

"No." Bojan strongly shook his head to shake off all the thoughts. "Everything's alright. I'm just... thinking too much."

"About danger? Us?" Jere took another step away. "Sorry, I... I not want..." He looked to the ground, and Bojan's heart sunk.

"Jere, no, it's not your fault." He pulled him closer again and softly lifted the other's chin, so Jere had to look at him. "It's not your fault that people don't understand. They are stupid, they are wrong, we are not."

Jere looked sad. "But they are more. They make law."

Bojan sighed. Unfortunately, he couldn't deny that his boyfriend was right. "Yes, they do."

For a while, they remained awfully silent, still holding each other but no knowing what to say, until Jere mumbled against his shoulder. "You go?"

Bojan swallowed. No, he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay. Forever. But he knew it was impossible. It didn't matter what he wanted, it never had. "Do you want me to go?"

"I..." Jere hesitated, then he shook his head. "No."

Bojan smiled slightly. "Then I will stay."

"Yes, stay." Jere smiled relieved, and Bojan wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

Jere's eyes started shining again, a stunningly beautiful blue. "Now you kiss me, yes?"

Bojan didn't answer verbally, there were no more words needed, he preferred finally closing the gap between them again and pressing his lips on Jere's, slowly pushing his boyfriend backwards.

Jere immediately kissed him back, closing his eyes and opening his mouth for him. Bojan accepted the invitation with pleasure, slipping his tongue into Jere's mouth.

As Jere's back hit the wall, he opened his eyes again, his pupils wide and almost completely swallowing the blue. "Varo... quiet... I have neighbours."

Yeah, right. They had to be cautious. Nobody must know what they were doing. They were living in constant danger; they were breaking the law and could be caught any time.

"Sorry." Bojan mumbled, not willing to end the kiss. Neither was Jere, wrapping his arms around him to keep him as close as possible.

Bojan shifted his knee between Jere's thighs, pushing experimentally and feeling the heat rising as his boyfriend gasped for air, giving his best to stay quiet.

Noticing that Jere was already partly hard, he increased the pressure, muffling his boyfriend's moans with kisses. Jere's hips moved towards him, trying to get more friction, as Bojan's hand slipped under his shirt.

Jere was melting under his touch, moaning breathlessly, and Bojan felt the blood leaving his brain. He took his boyfriend's hand in his and intwined their fingers. Jere glanced at him, eyes dark and half-lid. He was stunning, so beautiful, and Bojan loved the effect he had on his boyfriend.

However, he definitely wasn't the only one whose actions had a strong effect. Jere's had just as well, which he now demonstrated effortlessly.

Smiling, he raised his hand holding Bojan's to his mouth. First, he just placed a soft kiss on Bojan's fingers, making his heart skip a beat, but then he smirked and quickly stuck out his tongue, licking the fingers.

Bojan gasped in surprise, his mind blank and blood rushing south. Jere smirked cheekily, looking him straight in the eye as he slid Bojan's fingers into his mouth.

Bojan had to bite his tongue to prevent a loud moan. Jere definitely knew very well what he was doing. He knew how to move his tongue, how to suck his fingers. How to drive Bojan absolutely crazy.

Bojan loved looking at his boyfriend's lustful eyes and his tongue twirling around his fingers, but at the same time he hated it for making it nearly impossible to stay quiet. It was playing with fire, hazardous but way too good to be stopped, burning brightly and spreading quickly.

"Bed." That was all he managed to say but Jere immediately understood. He pushed them towards his bed, letting Bojan's fingers pop out of his mouth before they both stumbled and fell onto the bed.

"Better, yes?" Jere grinned.

"Yeah, better." Bojan nodded, turning them around so he was on top now, his weight slightly pressing his boyfriend into the mattress. "You want me?"

"Yes yes, I want, yes." The way Jere was looking at him in pure lust left no room for any doubts.

Bojan smirked and kissed his boyfriend again before he crawled down, lifting his head to look back, asking for permission. He would never do anything his boyfriend didn't want. Jere nodded and splayed his legs, making more room for Bojan, so he continued.

Placing kisses on every centimetre of Jere's skin, he pulled down his boyfriend's pants until Jere's cock sprang free, longing for Bojan to touch him. Jere's fingers clutched the bedsheets, as Bojan's hand finally found its way to Jeres's cock.

He knew they hadn't much time. At any moment, someone could break in and catch them, the risk was increasing with every second. If he was rational, he would have stopped immediately. No, he would have never begun, he would have done anything to avoid Jere. In no way would he have started a relationship with him.

But he simply wasn't rational, he was in love and completely gone on his boyfriend. He wouldn't stop, as long as Jere didn't want him to stop.

Instead of leaving, he wrapped his fingers around the shaft, slowly jerking his boyfriend off. His other hand found its way up to Jere's face and he pushed the fingers back into Jere's mouth, partly to keep his boyfriend from moaning loudly but most importantly to moisten them enough that he wouldn't hurt him.

Jere gasped as Bojan's fingers left his mouth, making their way to his ass. Placing soft kisses on Jere's belly, Bojan rubbed a first finger against the hole, pushing carefully. There was only a slight resistance, so he pushed the finger, wet from saliva, further into the warm darkness.

Jere whimpered, tensing up and shutting his eyes tight. Bojan paused, softly placing more kisses on his boyfriend's belly and thighs. "You have to relax. I promise I won't do anything you don't want."

Jere nodded. "I know, you always. I try."

Bojan smiled soothingly. It wasn't their first time to sleep together. Maybe he would end up in hell for this but he didn't care about breaking society's rule of not having sex before marriage. They would never be allowed to get married anyway, and he definitely didn't want to wait until he was dead.

However, breaking that rule was probably one of the least bad things they were doing. Way worse was their disregard for class segregation rules, and the worst was that they both were men.

But wow, why was that a problem at all? Why did society even care about what they were doing in private? It was none of other people's business, was it?

"I am relax, yes yes, you can continue." Jere looked at him, assuring that he was fine.

"Okay." Bojan smiled and started moving his finger again, his other hand still on Jere's length.

His boyfriend was obviously less tense now, he could easily move his finger and add a second one. Jere's grip on the bedsheets tightened with every thrust spreading him open, letting the slight pain vanish and replacing it with pleasure.

When Bojan found that one sweet spot, Jere let out a loud moan. The sound went straight to Bojan's cock twitching in his too tight pants.

But unfortunately, he couldn't enjoy it.

"Shhh." He stopped again. "You have neighbours, remember?"

"Yes." Jere sighed. "I quiet. But now ready."

"Sure?" Bojan looked at his boyfriend laying on the bed, eyes all dark and half-lid.

"Yes yes." Jere nodded strongly. "Please."

"Okay." Fondly caressing Jere's belly, Bojan pulled his fingers out, causing a whine from his boyfriend.

He pulled his own pants down and quickly stroked his cock, moistening it with his own saliva to make himself ready. Then, he looked Jere in the eye, making sure he was fine, before he shoved the head of his cock to his hole.

As he moved in, Jere clenched his teeth, obviously in pain. Bojan paused immediately. "Jere, do you want me to stop?"

Although he had always been the one on top, he knew that the first moments weren't pleasant and could be painful. He had to be very careful not to hurt his boyfriend and of course he always was.

"No!" Jere energetically shook his head. "In. Now. Please no stop!"

Bojan nodded, still worried but willing to continue. "Okay, but I don't want to hurt you."

"I say no stop." Jere eagerly rose his hip, which let Bojan at once slide deeper into him, causing a moan from both men.

As he bottomed out, he stopped again, giving them both a moment to breathe until he started moving. Slow shallow thrusts, which were soon getting faster.

It was hard not to moan loudly, especially when there was no blood and not one proper thought in his brain. Nothing but love and lust. Only Jere, Jere, Jere.

Somehow, he managed to stay quiet while he was setting a steady pace, searching for Jere's sweet spot. His boyfriend on the other hand couldn't, a way too loud moan told him that he had found the right spot, so Bojan reacted instinctively, putting one hand on Jere's mouth to muffle the sound.

He felt that he was close, nearing the edge. His thrusts became more uncoordinated, and one of his hands moved to Jere's cock while the other hand still rested on Jere's mouth.

It didn't take long until Jere clenched tight around his cock, cumming into his hand with a muffled moan. That was all Bojan needed to reach the top of his own pleasure, cumming into his boyfriend.

For a moment they lay still there, breathing heavily and feeling high, all the hormones running through their bodies. Then, Bojan started to clean them both with a cloth and pulled out of Jere, causing an unpleasant feeling that made his boyfriend whine.

"Sorry." Apologetically, he caressed Jere's belly while he finished cleaning and pulled up their pants. When he was satisfied with his work, he embraced his boyfriend tightly, and Jere instantly cuddled against his side, tiredly closing his eyes. "Thanks."

"No problem." Bojan smiled blissfully, and for some minutes they just remained silent, enjoying the little time they had together.

In moments like this, Bojan thought that it could work. That there was a future for their love. That somehow, they could manage to stay together. That no matter what would await them, their relationship would be stronger.

Tenderly, he stroked through his boyfriend's hair. "I love you, Jere."

"I love you, too." Jere smiled, looking at him with those beautiful blue eyes. "So much." Then his look turned sad. "You go?"

Bojan swallowed, not answering. He didn't want to go but he knew he couldn't stay.

"I'm sorry." Jere mumbled against his shoulder, not looking at him.

Bojan frowned, not getting what he meant. "Sorry? Why?"

Jere hesitated, and for a moment it was silent, then he mumbled. "I'm sorry I'm not girl of rich family."

"Jere, no." Bojan shook his head, pulling him closer. "I'm not looking for a rich girl. I want you. No one but you."

Jere's fingers clenched into Bojan's shirt. "But girl can give you family and you can marry. I can give you nothing, I have nothing and I am nothing."

Bojan's heart broke at his boyfriend's words. "No, that's definitely not true!"

"What not true? I can't give you children, I can't marry you, I have nothing. Just look around!"

Bojan sighed. Yeah, there were things his boyfriend wasn't able to give him but he wasn't looking for those things. "I'm happy without children and marriage. And I know you don't have much money but that's no problem."

Jere shook his head. "It is problem. We live different lives. You find better person in your social class; I not enough for you and you know that."

It hurt like a knife cutting his heart to pieces. How could Jere think so bad of himself? Did he not realize what a lovely and wonderful person he was? Did he not know that he was valuable no matter how much money he had?

"No, Jere, I don't. Because I don't think like that, and of course, you are enough, I love you more than anything! I don't care about those social classes, stupid people invented them only for their own profit, they make no one better or worse. And I could live with you in the lowest class but I could never live without you at the top."

"No, you can not, low is bad."

Bojan wished he could say he had always thought the way he did now, but sadly, he hadn't. For many years, he had thought just the way Jere still seemed to think now. He had thought that in those fenced off areas lived the bad, stupid, lazy, filthy and dangerous people. People who couldn't tell their hands from their feet and who would steal everything from him as soon as he set foot in their part of town.

Everyone he had known had told him to stay away from those areas and he had obeyed, giving poor people's parts of town a wide berth. But somehow, he had still been curious. Curious to know if those people actually could be that bad.

The older he had gotten the longer the list of people to avoid had grown, and at some point, he had realized that he also had to avoid himself if he wanted to follow people's orders. Because he had fallen in love with another boy, which had been horrible and wrong and strictly prohibited.

When the feelings for that boy had vanished a short time later, the feeling that he himself was wrong had remained. Slowly, he had realized that it wasn't a one-time mistake. He was into boys and there was nothing he could do against it.

After freaking out and panicking, he had found that he had no choice but to accept it. People would despise him if they knew, but they didn't have to know and they wouldn't find out by themselves because it didn't make him a different person. It didn't make him worse, so that rule was completely nonsensical.

From then on, he had started questioning more and more rules, especially the ones about class segregation. He had visited the forbidden area for the first time, and he had realized that it was absolutely not like people had told him.

And when he had met Jere…

If he hadn't known before that the bad things he had heard about poor people weren't true, at least at that point he would have realized that people had told him lies. Jere was neither stupid and ugly nor lazy and evil. No, he was the best and most adorable person Bojan had ever met.

Bojan would do anything for him, and he wished his boyfriend could see himself the way he did. Just for one time. Just to see that he was far from bad. That he was perfect.

"No, Jere." He lovingly stroked his boyfriend's hair. "Mean people pushing down other people are bad but you are not."

For a while, Jere staid quiet, thinking about Bojan's words, and Bojan hoped his boyfriend could finally see what he meant. "Okay, maybe… Maybe you right. People say I bad, but maybe people wrong. Maybe they bad, yes? But still dangerous."

Bojan nodded. "Yeah, they are wrong. They don't even know you but they are talking about you. They're always talking about things they have no idea about. But unfortunately, they are powerful." He sighed. "I… I just hope it gets better when we leave."

He had been clinging to that hope since the moment they had bought the travel tickets. Yeah, probably he was naïve. Probably he was stupid to think that emigrating would change everything for the better. But there had to be a place where they could be just themselves, hadn't there? A place where no one disturbed them. Where they could be happy and in love.

"America?" Jere shrugged. "I not know."

He looked like he wanted to add something but before he could do so, there was suddenly a knock at the door. Frightened, they looked at each other, slowly realizing what the sound meant. Were the police already coming to arrest them? Was this the end of their relationship? The end of everything? The end of the lives they were living now?

They had always known that it would end at some point, but why now? What had they done wrong? Had Bojan been at Jere's for too long? Had they been too loud? Had they been too careless?

Was there still anything they could do to get out of this?

Yes, Bojan had to disappear immediately. If the police didn't see him, perhaps they would let them both go. But how could he leave if the only exit was the door at which the police already was standing?

As fast as possible, Bojan jumped out of the bed, giving his boyfriend one last look full of love and fear and meeting a similar expression in Jere's eyes. Were this the last seconds they had together? Was this how they ended?

Then, Bojan looked for a place to hide. If he couldn't run away, he had at least to try to hide. But unfortunately, Jere had been right, there was hardly anything in the room. The only thing big enough to be used as a hiding place was the bed.

It wasn't really a good idea but it was the only idea Bojan had, so he quickly crawled under the bed, desperately trying to hide. His heart was pounding so quickly and loudly he thought the police would hear it.

He couldn't see much but he could hear Jere walking to the door and opening it. The dust tickled in his nose and he was terrified he would sneeze. If he made any noise now, it would be over. Not only for him but also for Jere. He had to be silent, there was no other way. Trying not to move and not to breathe, he lay there, hoping for the best. It was all silent. Too silent.

The door was being closed. Then, he heard someone speaking in a language he didn't understand. What could that mean? That wasn't the police, was it? No, the police would speak English, they always spoke English regardless whether the addressed understood them or not.

As he heard Jere answering, he had a guess. If this wasn't English and Jere understood it, it had to be Finnish. So, for sure it couldn't be the police, it had to be someone else. Maybe Jere's brother Mikke? Yeah, probably. But about what were they talking? About him? Jere's voice didn't sound upset or scared. It sounded just like a normal dialogue. So, it couldn't be too bad, could it?

Suddenly, the conversation turned into English. The man who had just entered spoke more loudly, like he wanted Bojan to hear and understand his words. "Jere, I just hope you would have had a better plan to safe yourselves if it wasn't just me coming home but the police inspecting you."

What? Bojan frowned. What did that mean? What was Mikke trying to say? Jere didn't seem to get it either. "Plan? Police? Mitä?"

Mikke sighed. "You need a plan in case the police are coming. You need to know what you should do to safe yourselves. And hiding under the bed isn't a smart plan, Bojan, I can see you. Even from here."

Oh. Oh no. That was what he meant. He was telling them how stupid they were to act so carelessly. And unfortunately, Mikke was absolutely right. They needed a plan, and they should have already made one long ago. They were just lucky it had only been Mikke, so nothing would happen now, but next time it could be the police and that would definitely end badly.

"Bojan, you can come out. There's no need to hide." Mikke approached the bed, but then he suddenly stopped. "Unless you didn't have time to put on your clothes again."

Bojan looked down at himself. His clothes were dusty and crumpled, but he was definitely fully clothed. However, he absolutely didn't like the thought of meeting Mikke now in this embarrassing situation. For a short moment, he considered just lying there until Mikke would disappear again, but he knew that would only make it even worse. In the end, he couldn't hide forever under his boyfriend's bed. Slowly and ashamed, he crawled out of his ridiculous hiding place.

Mikke looked at him, shaking his head. He didn't seem angry but rather desperate. "Hi, Bojan."

Bojan smiled bashfully, his head turning all red. "Hi, Mikke."

Seeing Jere's brother was always a bit strange. Not because Mikke was an odd person but because Bojan was afraid of doing something wrong. He wanted Mikke to like him since Mikke and Jere were really close but he didn't know how Jere's brother truly thought of him.

Did Mikke think Bojan was one of those arrogant people thinking they were better than the others because they had money? Did he think he was just taking advantage of Jere and his situation? Did he think everything was just an exciting game for him?

Did he think that in the end Bojan would drop Jere to marry a rich girl, just like Jere had said some minutes ago?

Bojan would never do that. He could never, and he wanted Jere and Mikke to know that. He wanted Jere to trust him and Mikke to realize that he was a good boyfriend. However, for the latter, it was perhaps already too late.

The atmosphere had changed into a weird and uncomfortable one, and Bojan wasn't sure what he was supposed to do or say. Should he leave? Or should he stay and wait? Did Jere's brother want to talk to him? About hiding from police and about how their relationship was truly dangerous? Or did Mikke want him to go?

Did Jere want him to go?

Uneasily, Bojan looked down at his feet. "Um... I... Maybe I should go now." The stuttered sentence sounded more like a question than like a state.

"No, wait." Jere grabbed Bojan's hand to keep him from running out of the house. "Please no."

Bojan stopped immediately, looking at their hands, then at his boyfriend and finally at Mikke who wasn't showing any reaction. Usually, Jere was rather distant when his brother was looking, so this reaction was quite unexpected.

Jere softly squeezed his hand. "Not your fault we don't have plan. We should make together. If police take you, police take me too."

"Yeah, probably." Bojan nodded, softly squeezing back. "But your brother is right, we should have already made the plan."

"Yes yes, we should." Jere looked around. "But here not many place." He was right, Bojan had already noticed that the room was barely furnished, which made it hard to find any hiding places. "And we go soon on ship. Then we not need place here."

Yeah right, the ship that would take them far away to another continent, where no one would know them. And Bojan still desperately wanted to believe that everything would be better there.

They had managed to get tickets for the same ship. The RMS Titanic would leave from Southampton on the 10 of April, and one week later, on the morning of 17 April, they would arrive at New York.

Probably they wouldn't see much of each other on the ship since it was huge and their cabins were far apart, but they were already used to rarely being able to meet, and at least they would leave and arrive at the same time.

Of course, it hadn't been possible to travel in the same class or even share a cabin. Bojan and his friends would travel second class while Jere and Mikke had third class tickets. He hated it but there was nothing he could do about it. It was just like always, he simply had to accept things the way they were.

"Yeah, the ship." Mikke nodded slowly. "I unfortunately have to tell you that I can't travel with you."

Jere stared at his brother in shock. "What?! Miks?"

Apologetically, Mikke glanced back. "There are some problems with work and this accommodation. I'm sorry."

Bojan's heart sunk. If Mikke wouldn't go, Jere surely wouldn't either. And if his boyfriend would stay here, they wouldn't see each other for a long time. If they would see each other again at all.

Jere shook his head. "But what... what we do now? You have ticket for you and me."

"Yes, I have." Mikke nodded. "But I truly can't go no matter how much I want to, I'm so sorry." He looked from Jere to Bojan and back to Jere. "But if you want, Jere, I'll give you the ticket, so you can go. And I'll try to follow you as soon as possible."

Jere's eyes widened in surprise. "Oikeesti?"

Mikke sighed. "I know you two want to travel on the same ship."

Yeah, Bojan really wanted that. He wanted to be near his boyfriend and not separated from him, but he also knew how important Mikke was for Jere.

Probably more important than Bojan.

Jere would turn the offer down. He wouldn't want to be all alone, without his brother for an unknown period of time. In a country where he never had been before and whose language he barely spoke. And he couldn't even be sure if his brother would be able to afford another ticket.

It was only reasonable for him to say no.

Unsure, Jere looked at Bojan. "You on that ship, yes?"

Bojan nodded. "Yeah, my friends and I are on that ship." He couldn't cancel everything now, just because Jere couldn't come. It was way too late for that.

"Okay." Jere bit his lip, thinking. Then, he turned back to his brother. "I go on ship with Bojan."

Surprised in the absolute best possible way, Bojan stared at his boyfriend. Jere really wanted to come with him. Even if that meant saying goodbye to his brother for an unknown amount of time. Jere had chosen him. Bojan could hardly believe it. His heart skipped a beat and a bright smile spread across his face. "I'm sure, it will be fine. I will take care of you, I promise. And they wrote it in the newspaper, the Titanic is unsinkable."

Mikke nodded, smiling slightly. "Alright, and I'll follow you as soon as possible. See you in America."

Chapter Text

Together with thousands of other people, Jere was standing at the port, waiting to board the ship. Looking at the largest ship in the world, he felt tiny and immaterial. He was only a little human, a very unimportant one to be more precise, and it was hard to believe that humans had been able to build such an enormous vessel.

People around him were talking, many in English but he heard also some other languages he didn't know. If he tried to, he wouldn't understand much, and he wondered how he should be able to communicate on board.

His ticket luckily was in Finnish, so he could understand it, but what if he had to talk on board? He barely spoke English, people probably wouldn't understand a word he'd say.

It was a miracle that Bojan understood him. That his boyfriend got what he was trying to say even when Jere couldn't find any proper words to describe it. He had been scared that the language barrier, for which only he himself was to blame, would tear them apart, but somehow it had never been a problem. Somehow, Bojan had been able to understand him since the very beginning.

Unlike Jere, Mikke could speak English, and he always tried to help him with the language. Or rather he always had helped him, because now he was far away and wouldn't be able to help him anymore. Jere was all alone.

Saying goodbye to Mikke had been hard. His brother was the only person he had known his whole life and the only person who had always been there for him. He had been there when Jere had been a child, he had been there when their parents had died, he had been there when no one else had been left to care about him.

Jere was very sure he wouldn't be here anymore if it hadn't been for his brother. He would have died long ago somewhere on the street, frozen and starved between rubbish and dirt, where nobody would have found him.

But luckily, Mikke had been there and had taken care about him. Although his brother barely had enough for himself, he had always given his best to make sure that Jere had something to eat and something to wear. Something to keep him warm. And a place to stay.

Jere couldn't describe how thankful he was for everything his brother had done for him. For each moment he could have given up on Jere but never had. For each moment he had decided not to leave Jere behind even though it would have been way easier for Mikke to survive in this world if he had to fight only for himself. Words were not enough to tell how important Mikke was to him.

But now he didn't even know when he would see him again.

If he would see him again.

He wanted to believe that his brother would follow him about some weeks later, but if he was honest, he feared that Mikke wouldn't be able to afford another ticket at all. Travelling was expensive, it had already been difficult to get enough money to buy two tickets for the Titanic and Mikke had to pay for his ticket even though he wouldn't be on the ship. It simply wasn't realistic that he could afford another ticket in the near future.

Jere would have to start his new life without his brother, and yes, it definitely scared him. It scared him very much. He was afraid of ending up all alone somewhere in the foreign country, neither speaking nor understanding the language, and having no job and no money and no roof over his head. No one who cared about him.

Unfortunately, that wasn't an unrealistic ending.

How should he make a living in a foreign country if he wasn't even able to do so in a country he knew? He had been stupid to think it would be a good idea to travel to America alone. It was dangerous. It was unreasoning and insane.

Yes, Bojan was on that ship too, but he wouldn't be able to help him, he wouldn't even know if Jere needed help. And what would happen as soon as they would arrive? Would they be able to see each other? Or would they be separated in classes? Yes, separated probably.

It would be naïve to think they could be together when they would leave the ship. He didn't even know whether Bojan would want to be with him. Maybe he rather wanted to spend time with his friends. With people of his social class. Not with a poor, stupid loser like Jere.

Bojan wasn't dependant on him. No, he had his friends, he was smart and handsome, he would easily bond with other people. He would easily find someone who was way better than Jere.

Someone who was actually able to give him what he needed, because Jere couldn't. He would never be able to give him anything. Okay, he could give him his love but that was all he had.

And it surely wasn't enough. This world wasn't about love. It was about property and money, social classes and status, marrying and having children. About surviving.

Jere wasn't good for Bojan, he could only drag him down. Bojan should better seize the opportunity and leave him. Maybe that actually was the plan? What if his boyfriend planned to abandon him there?

Jere would be absolutely lost.

He shouldn't have agreed to travel without Mikke. Why had his brother made such a stupid suggestion? And why had Jere agreed?

Okay, he knew the answer. Because he was in love, and love made people blind and irrational. It made him cling on a relationship that was illegal, dangerous, and couldn't have any future.

But still he wanted to do anything to make it work.

If he had been reasonable, he would have turned around and run back to Mikke. He shouldn't take such a high risk. He should be realistic and go home. But he simply couldn't. There was an invisible force holding him here at the port and pulling him towards the huge ship. Something that made him want to go on bord and take the risk. Going all in and hoping for the best.

Unlike all the other people, he didn't feel excited, he rather felt insecure and lost. Where did he have to go? Where was the entrance for third class passengers? Where was the place where third class people had to wait for the boarding? Surely not between all the other better people. Because there wasn't only one entrance for all classes, was there?

It was too crowded, everywhere where people standing but he couldn't spot any lines to stand in. According to their clothes he at least he seemed to be surrounded by other third class passengers. Or were they not passengers at all? Were they just curious people who wanted to see the ship? Was he standing at the wrong place?

Where should he go? Where was Bojan? His boyfriend had said he and his friends would take the ship too. He had said he would be here. So, he was somewhere near, wasn't he?

Nervously, Jere looked around, hoping to spot his boyfriend. He wouldn't be allowed to go to him but he wanted to at least see him from the distance. He wanted to be sure he really was here.

However, he didn't spot him. No matter in which direction Jere looked, he couldn't see him. But that wasn't a reason to worry, was it? It was just too crowded, there were just too many people. It didn't mean that Bojan wasn't here, did it? It didn't mean anything. No need to panic. Everything was alright. He just had to find out where he had to go now.

Trying to get closer to the vessel, he made his way through the crowd until he clumsily stumbled against a man. Annoyed, the man turned around, looking like he would like to beat Jere up. "Don't you have eyes?"

Startled, Jere looked at him. The man was at least one head taller than him and had more muscles in his left arm than Jere had in his whole body. For sure, Jere wouldn't have any chance to get out of a fight unharmed. "I… Excuse I… I not want… not want walk in you… I…"

Angrily, the man shook his head. "Are you dumb?"

"I excuse, I not want." Jere took a step back, which made him stumble into the person behind him.

The man followed him. "Yes, you are dumb. Dumb and blind."

Frightened, Jere stopped, apologetically raising his hands. "Please no… I not want… I…"

"I don't want you to walk into me!"

Before Jere could answer anything, he suddenly heard a voice behind his back. "Let him go. He apologized. And it wasn't on purpose."

Still looking at the angry man, Jere quickly nodded. "Yes, not purpose. I apologize."

"Still dumb." After throwing one last furious look at him, the man turned around and disappeared into the crowd.

Relieved, Jere took a deep breath. Nothing had happened. Everything was alright. He was not hurt. He was okay. Then he turned around to apologize to the second person he had bumped into. "I apologize, I not purpose."

Luckily, he didn't meet another angry look. On the contrary, the group of people behind him was smiling friendly. "I know. It's alright." He immediately recognized the voice that had defended him a moment ago.

Jere smiled back. "Thank you."

"No problem. You shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill."

Jere frowned. "Mountain? Hill?"

"That man overreacted. It wasn't as bad as he wanted it to look. No reason to start a fight."

"Oh, yes yes." Now understanding the saying, Jere nodded. "He too much angry."

"Exactly." The man nodded. "I'm Danny, and these are my friends Scott, Alex, Ashley and Simmy." He pointed at the others of his group.

"Hello, I Jere."

"Nice to meet you, Jere. Are you going on board too?"

"I go ship, yes yes. I look where I go." Maybe they could help him to find the entrance for third class passengers?

"Great. Are you travelling by ship for the first time?"

Jere shook his head. "No, but long time… I not know now…."

"Don't worry, you will like it." "Yeah, Alex is right. It's going to be great, I'm sure." "You can come with us if you like. For which class is your ticket?"

Wasn't that obvious? They only had to look at him for one second to see that he could be nothing but a third class passenger. Why did they even ask? "Third."

"Okay, let's go. You haven't already gone through the health inspection, have you?"

Confused, Jere looked at Danny. "I not know… not know word. What that?"

"Health inspection?" Danny looked back, and Jere nodded. "They just want to make sure that you're not ill."

"Oh. And if I ill?"

"If you might infect other people, you won't be allowed to go on board. But don't worry, the inspection is not so bad. It won't take long, and I think you would have noticed if you were ill."

"Okay." Jere nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Jere followed Danny and his friends to the health inspection. While they had to stand in line and wait, Jere was again looking for Bojan. He had to be somewhere, hadn't he? Not here between the third class passengers but somewhere else. Somewhere between the second class people.

But still, Jere couldn't see him anywhere. Not before the health inspection, not during it when he had no time to look anymore, not while he was waiting in line to board the ship, and not when he showed his ticket and went on board. Never.

After the boarding, Jere gave up searching. He wouldn't find his boyfriend. Their cabins were in a completely different part of the ship. While Jere slept at the bow of the ship, Bojan's cabin was more in the middle of the ship. But that was not the biggest problem.

When the ship had been constructed, a lot of effort had been made to separate the three classes strictly. There were specific areas for each class, the most room of course reserved for the first class passengers, and locked gates between the different areas made it impossible to go back and forth.

Jere didn't exactly know where Bojan was and where he could go to, but it was absolutely clear that they wouldn't be able to meet. Okay, maybe he could stand at the closed gate, looking through the metal bars, and hope his boyfriend would show up at some point. However, he probably wouldn't see him but only get removed by the ship's crew.

He didn't feel like going on deck and waving goodbye. Who should he wave to? The only person he knew was Mikke, who was working and hadn't been able to come to the port to say goodbye. There was no one standing outside at the port for him. People were standing there to see their own relatives and friends and to see the ship, nobody needed Jere to stand on deck and wave. He could just as well stay in his cabin, waiting for the voyage to start.

The cabin was great. He was lucky to have a little cabin of his own that he didn't have to share with other passengers. There were two beds with mattresses and blankets and at the wall a mirror and a washbasin. It was a cabin for two people, but since Mikke couldn't travel with him, he was alone. He could hear the sound and feel the vibrations of the ship's engines, but apart from that it was quiet. He was glad he didn't have to talk, but he also felt lonely.

He wished Mikke was here, his brother would surely know what to do and how to calm him down.

But even more he wished Bojan was here, kissing him and holding him tight, making him feel so much better. Making him feel loved.

Was Bojan missing him too?

Later, Jere decided to walk around a little to explore the ship. Or at least the area he was allowed to go to. There was a dining saloon, a public gathering area, a smoking room, and an open deck space. On deck, he could walk around in the third class spaces at the bow and the stern of the ship. The higher promenades in the middle of the ship were for the first and second class passengers.

Jere could see the better people up there, walking around and standing at the railing. Probably it would even be possible to talk to them if he just spoke loud enough, but he was smart enough not to try it. A stairway led from the third class area at the stern up to the second class area, of course there was a door at the end of the stairs but it was only as high as the railing, so it wouldn't be difficult to climb over it.

If only there weren't so many people who would see him and immediately stop him.

Jere couldn't help but looking at the second class space, hoping to spot Bojan somewhere, but his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. After a few minutes of staring stupidly at the other side of the fence, he finally gave up and walked to the railing at the ship's side to look at the blue sea. With the wind in his hair and the vastness of the ocean he nearly could feel free.

However, turning his glance back to the ship with its separated areas for different kind of people taught him better. No, he wasn't free. No one was free.

Four men walking past him caught his attention. The first of them was pointing to the stairway that led to the second class, seemingly explaining something to the others. Jere didn't understand what they were talking about, partly because they weren't talking loud enough but more important because he didn't speak their language. Were they also thinking about walking up those stairs?

The two men in the middle laughed. The fourth shook his head. "Neumna ideja."

Idea? What kind of idea? Curiously, Jere followed them with his eyes. Near the stairs the men stopped, once again discussing something. The last of the group shook his head and went to the railing, looking at the sea while the others kept talking to each other but no one made a move to go up the stairs.

Along the railing, Jere walked closer, unsure what he should do. Of course, he was very interested to know whether they would make it to the second class area if they tried to. Whether there was any way for him to get to Bojan's area. However, he knew he couldn't tell this to the group. He couldn't tell it to anyone if he didn't want to get into serious trouble.

Really serious trouble.

As the man at the railing looked at him, Jere pointed at the stairway. "You want go up here?"

Frightened, the man looked at him. "No no no no."

His friends came over. "No no, we… We just look."

"Oh yes yes, you look. Just look." Jere nodded. "I look too, yes yes. I not do thing, just look. And if you stop look and go, I still just look. I not go and tell. Not tell people."

"Okay." The man at the railing looked less worried now. "But we just look."

"Yes yes, place here to look." Jere smiled. "Good place to look, yes yes."

"Good place, yes." One of the man's friends stepped to the railing and looked at the sea. "Ocean, ladja, nebo."

Jere didn't understand the last part but he assumed it had something to do with the view. "I like meri." Then, he turned his look back to the men. "I Jere."

"Filip." "Zala." "Žiga." "Gašper."

"You friends, yes?"

"Yes." Filip nodded. "And you? Here with wife?"

"No." Jere shook his head. "No wife. I alone."

"Oh. That… sad?"

"Maybe." Jere shrugged, unsure whether Zala had meant the fact that he had no wife or the fact that he was travelling alone. "My bother want come but he not can. He home."

"Oh no. From where you? You and brother?"

"Finland. But he not in Finland. In England." As if that made anything better. "And you?"

"Celje."

Jere couldn't remember having ever heard of a country called Celje. "I not know. Where… Tsälje?"

"Evropa." "Celje no country. City." "In Avstro-Ogrska." "But we not German. We speak Slovene."

Oh, that was the same language Bojan had once told him he spoke, wasn't it? "Oh, I know. My b…" No! Stop! He could absolutely not say that! "My… my best friend speak that too." Smartly saved. And if someone asked, he could blame his bad English for the stutter.

"Oh really?" Surprised, the four men looked at him.

"Yes yes, but I not understand. Sad." Unfortunately, he didn't. Unlike Jere, Bojan spoke perfect English and didn't need to use non-English words to fill up the gaps in his English sentences. And he had never taught Jere any words in his language, he had only once mentioned that English wasn't his first language, but after that, he had never spoken about it again.

Jere didn't even know why. There wasn't anything bad about speaking more languages, was it? If you could speak several languages, you could talk to more people and understand them, which was great, wasn't it?

He had never asked Bojan about that, probably because he had been afraid that he would upset him with the question, but maybe he should ask?

"No problem. All good." "You not… not have to learn." "Yes, friend important, but not… jezik."

Yes sure, Jere didn't have to learn any words in Bojan's language, but what if he wanted to? "Maybe you can tell words?" He smiled. "If you want?"

"Oh yes yes." Žiga nodded enthusiastically. "What want know?"

Jere thought about it. Well, of course, there was one thing he would really like to know, but he had no idea how he should explain why he wanted to know it. "I… I not know. Maybe… What 'hello' or 'I love you'?"

Surprised but also amused, they looked at him. Jere shrugged. "Finnish 'I love you' 'rakastan sua'."

They tried to repeat it and Jere nodded satisfied. "Good, yes yes. And what you say?"

"Ljubim te."

Jere tried to repeat the sentence correctly, and according to the men he didn't even do it badly. "Yes." "Dobro." "Good." "Good, yes."

Jere smiled. "Thank you. I not forget." He definitely had to remember that sentence. "And you not forget, I not bad person. I not tell people if you go here, yes?" He pointed at the stairs.

The others laughed. "Okay, good know." "But we here, we not go." "Yes, just go room."

"Room, yes yes." Jere nodded. "I go now my room too, yes. Maybe see later."

After saying goodbye, Jere made his way to the bow of the ship and down to where his cabin was. However, in the end he found himself standing in the corridor, looking at the gate blocking the passage to where he thought was the second class. He could see between the metal bars that there was also a corridor on the other side.

On both sides were people, going to their cabins and out of them or going somewhere else. They were doing very similar things but there was a significant difference. They weren't the same kind of people. On his side, there were the third class people who had to be kept away in order to protect the other classes, and on the other side, there were the better people like Bojan.

Staring at the bars hurt. He wanted nothing more than to be on Bojan's side of the gate. He wanted to be at his side, forever and always.

If only he could.

If only he wasn't born on this side of the gate. If only it wasn't impossible to get to the other side. If only...

"Nei, Klara, bli her!"

Jere turned around and saw a little girl running towards him. Or probably rather towards the gate in front of which he was standing. A young woman was following the girl, presumably her mother.

"Klara, ikke gå dit!" Jere didn't understand what she was saying but the woman clearly didn't look pleased.

The little girl ran past him to the gate and stuck her hands between the bars. "Hvorfor er dette her?" Questioningly, she looked back at Jere, who hadn't understood a word.

At this moment, the woman reached the gate and pulled the girl away from the bars, reprimanding her. Jere stood still, not knowing what to do. Should he go back to his cabin, pretending he hadn't noticed the girl and the woman? Or should he say something? Should he just stay here and look, still stubbornly waiting for Bojan who probably would never show up?

Before Jere could decide, the woman spoke to him. Unfortunately, he still didn't understand anything because she was speaking in her language, so he just looked cluelessly at her. Now, she seemed to get it. "Oh. Speak you English?"

Jere nodded. "Yes, vähän English."

"I apologize. My daughter... she not know. She very... nysgjerrig... She... She want know all." The woman looked apologetically.

Jere smiled friendly. Her English was even worse than his own but he got what she wanted to say. "Yes yes, child always. Want know all. I understand."

The woman smiled back, relieved. "I Alessandra. My daughter Klara. We from Norge... Norway."

"Jere. From Finland."

She nodded. "Good meet you. You with family?"

"No." He shook his head. Maybe he was kind of travelling with his boyfriend, but that didn't count. And he definitely couldn't tell that to anyone. "My brother want come but he not can. He back home."

"Oh. Det var leit. No good."

"No. Bad. But he say he come later." If it would be possible for Mikke to come at all.

Alessandra seemed to be thinking the same. She smiled encouragingly. "I hope for you."

"Thank you." Jere smiled sadly. He hadn't given up hope entirely, but he also didn't want to expect too much.

Alessandra nodded, understanding. For a moment, it was quiet, then she spoke again. "I here with mann and Klara. I go now look where my mann."

"Okay." Jere nodded. "Goodbye, maybe see again."

"Goodbye." Alessandra smiled, then she turned to her daughter. "Klara, si farvel til Jere."

Klara curiously looked at him with wide eyes. "Farvel, Jere."

After Alessandra and Klara had left, Jere had been standing at the gate for a little longer, but of course, Bojan hadn't appeared. Why should he? He was on the right side of the gate; he was probably enjoying his life there.

Without Jere.

Because Bojan's life was better and so much easier without him.

Jere was just stupid to stand at the gate, waiting for something that would never become true. He was only putting himself into danger. And maybe also Bojan.

That was why he left the corridor again to go back to his cabin, where he stayed until it was time for dinner. But in between, he definitely had too much time to question everything.

Why had he agreed to this voyage? What should he do here, all alone on this ship? Trying to find more people to talk to? Find some friends he would never see again as soon as they all would leave the ship? Or would he just end up sitting alone in his cabin the whole time? Or somewhere else in the third class area but still alone?

And what should he do in America? What could he even do there? What was he allowed to do there? Where could he live? Would he actually see Bojan again? When? And how?

Jere wasn't completely stupid; he knew it probably wouldn't be easy to see each other in America either. Surely, they had this class segregation thing in America too. Because why should that be different there? It probably was the same everywhere.

For sure, Bojan would quickly find a place to live. If he did not already have one. People would like him and help him. But they would hate Jere. They would leave him on the street where he would be starving and freezing.

The moment Mikke would finally arrive in America, he would have died long ago.

He had no one he could ask for help. He knew no one there. No one except Bojan who probably would be neither able nor allowed to help him.

Maybe he wouldn't even want to help him.

Jere didn't want to think bad about his boyfriend. No, Bojan had always been so lovely, he was a good person, wasn't he? And he had promised to be there for Jere. He had promised not to leave him. He would keep his promises, wouldn't he?

Jere wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe that Bojan wasn't like all the others. He wanted to believe that he really cared about him. That money and classes actually didn't mean much to him. That he was willing to stay with him despite every danger and every prohibition.

But honestly, he couldn't.

And he couldn't blame Bojan if he ran away.

No one would want to live in constant fear and danger. No one would want to give everything up for something which couldn't last long. No one would give anything up for Jere because he simply wasn't worth it.

It hurt like a thousand knives cutting his heart out of his body, but it was true.

The only chance he had was to ask Bojan whether he wanted him as a servant. If he accepted that, maybe Jere could stay with him and wouldn't die miserably on the street. And it was also something that society probably would accept.

Yes, Jere had to suggest that to Bojan, and he definitely would if he got the chance to do so. He could only hope that Bojan would say yes.

When Jere got to the third class dining saloon, he stopped uncertainly at the end of the stairs. The saloon looked good, there were long tables and even chairs instead of benches, but there were also many people and he knew no one of them.

It didn't take him long to realize that there were two rooms, one for single women and families and one for single men, so he headed to the second room and sat down on an empty chair.

The man next to him briefly glanced at him, then he turned back to the four men near him who seemed to be his friends and were talking in a language Jere didn't understand.

He didn't know what to do. Should he just keep quiet? Or should he try to be polite and wish them a good day? But did they speak English at all?

While Jere was still thinking, the man next to him turned towards him again, so he decided to say something. "Hello. You speak English?"

"Yes yes." The man nodded, so Jere continued. "I wish good day."

"Good day." The man smiled friendly. "My name Chris."

Jere smiled back. "Jere."

Now, Chris' friends had also noticed him and one of them turned towards him. "Tag."

Jere frowned, not understanding. Had the man told him his name? Or had he wished him a good day? Or had he said something completely different?

Chris poked his friend. "Er spricht kein Deutsch, Gerrit."

"Oh ups. Was heißt Tag? Auf Englisch?"

"Day."

"Ach ja, stimmt." Chris' friend turned back to Jere. "Day, Jere. I Gerrit."

"Hello." Jere smiled.

The next friend spoke up. "And I Niklas. Where come you?"

Jere frowned. He theoretically had understood the words but he didn't get what Niklas meant.

"What land?" The man tried to specify his question but it only led to more confusion.

"Land? Here no land, only water and ship."

"No, no land." Chris shook his head. "He want say country. From what country you come."

"Oh." Jere nodded, finally getting it. "Finland. I from Finland, yes."

The word didn't seem to ring any bells with Niklas. "Finland? I not know. Where that?"

"North." Jere tried to describe. "North Eurooppa."

"Aah." Niklas nodded. "Nordeuropa?"

"Yes yes, next Sweden and Norway."

Now Gerrit spoke up again. "Russia?"

"No!" Jere vigorously shook his head. "Yes but no." How should he explain it? "We maybe part. Maybe. But we Finnish people, not Russia people. We have own... thing."

He wasn't sure if Gerrit had understood what he was trying to say, but the man didn't ask any more questions and when they got their food, the topic was forgotten.

The food was good. Really good. Jere had never eaten anything that delicious. Was this what normal people ate every day? What Bojan usually ate?

On one hand it made Jere happy to have the chance to eat something like this at least once in his lifetime, but on the other hand it also made him sad because it showed him once again how different his life was from Bojan's.

Yes, it was stupid to think like this, because there were so many other people whose lives weren't any better than Jere's and he should finally stop thinking and just enjoy the time on this great ship, but he still felt sad.

And he missed Bojan, who was somewhere close but still so far away from him.

To keep himself from getting lost in his thoughts, he started a conversation with the men next to him again. "And where you from?"

Unfortunately, Chris was eating and couldn't answer, so Gerrit did. "Deutsches Reich."

Jere frowned. He assumed this was the country's name in the national language, but the words didn't sound familiar to him. "Where that?"

"In Mitteleuropa." Another word Jere didn't quite understand.

"Eurooppa?" The man had said something about Europe, hadn't he?

"Yes." Gerrit nodded. "In middle."

Chris, the one whose English seemed to be the best of the group, could finally speak again and tried to find an English translation of the country's name. "On English... ähm... Germany? Yes, Germany. We from Germany in middle Europe."

His friends agreed and Jere nodded, finally understanding. "I know Germany, yes yes." He didn't exactly know where the German Empire was located but he knew it was big. Big enough that he had at least heard about it before.

The dinner went by very quickly and thanks to Chris and his friends Jere hadn't spent the time thinking about how bad he was for Bojan. However, as soon as he had left the dining saloon and was slowly walking up the stairs, all the thoughts were back by seconds.

"Goodbye. Maybe see later?" He smiled at the Germans, who were walking past him.

"Yes yes." "Gerne!" "Goodbye." "Bis dann." "Tschau." Jere didn't even think about the meaning of the words he didn't understand, he was already too busy thinking of his boyfriend.

Maybe, just maybe if he went to the gate again, he could see him now. Maybe, very unlikely, but still maybe Bojan was missing him too and wanted to see him. It wasn't completely impossible, was it?

He could at least have dreams.

However, when he got to the gate, no one was there. Bojan wasn't waiting for him. Of course not. Jere was just a stupid third class passenger pining for someone he could never have.

He should go to his cabin and forget him.

But of course, he didn't. He stupidly kept standing in the corridor in front of the gate as if Bojan would appear out of nowhere if only he stared at the bars for long enough.

He had to come up with a better plan.

If anyone saw him right now, and unfortunately there were crew quarters right here at this corridor, he wouldn't even have an explanation for his strange behaviour. There was simply no reason to stand here and stare at the gate.

If Mikke had been here, there would at least have been the possibility to pretend being talking to each other while standing here, but without his brother he was just a strange man standing alone in the corridor in front of the gate.

Maybe he should try to find someone else to talk to? But what if Bojan actually showed up at the other side of the gate? How could he explain to the other person that he suddenly had to talk to that second class passenger he should not even know?

No, that wasn't a good plan. Besides, Bojan would not even...

"What are you doing here?"

Jere startled and turned around. A man was approaching, not looking friendly at all.

"I... I..." Jere raised his hands defensively. "No doing."

The man, a member of the ship's crew, shook his head. "Stay away from the gate! Do you understand?" He spoke very slowly as if Jere was hard of hearing. "Stay away! Do not go there! No!"

"I... I do... I no..." Jere wanted to say something to defend himself but not one reasonable sentence left his mouth.

"No! Look, this..." The man pointed at the side of the gate where he and Jere were standing. "This is your side. Third class side, do you understand? This is where you belong. On the other side..." He pointed at the gate. "There are the second class passengers. Second class. Not you! No no! You stay here!"

Once again, he pointed at Jere's side of the gate. "Do not leave your area! We need to keep the passengers clean, so keep the distance! Do not put your dirty fingers near any second or first passenger! You don't want us all having to go through a health inspection when we arrive!"

"Like before ship?" Jere hadn't intended to say it loud for the man to hear, but unfortunately, he had.

Angrily, the man shook his head. "No! You!" He pointed at Jere, emphasizing every word. "You stay here!" He pointed at the floor under Jere's feet. "Here! Do you understand?! Or do you need an interpreter?"

Jere looked at him with wide eyes. He had no idea what an interpreter was, and he didn't understand why this man was so angry. He had only been looking. Nothing else. Nothing more.

Jere's reaction didn't seem to please the man. Not at all, he only got more aggressive. "Are you dumb?! Do you need someone to translate it into your stupid language?"

Intimidated, Jere shook his head. "No, I understand. I not go there. I go my room." Uncertainly, he looked at the man. He was allowed to go back to his cabin, wasn't he?

The man nodded, pushing him down the corridor, away from the gate. It probably should have made him walk faster, but instead he stumbled and fell on the floor. Fearfully, Jere held his breath and tried to protect his head with his arms, not daring to look up. Could the man please go away? Could he please please not kick him?

"Stupid third class people!" Jere heard the man grumbling and then walking away, leaving him lying on the floor.

For a moment, Jere stayed there, relieved that he hadn't been beaten up but ashamed. The man was right. He was nothing but stupid. He was just a little third class passenger. Just a poor man that no one needed. He could be glad that he still was here.

A few people had stopped to watch but when the man had walked down the corridor, they quickly had looked away, continuing whatever they had been doing before. No one helped Jere.

When he got up, holding onto the wall, he quickly glanced back at the gate and… His heart stopped. That couldn't be Bojan, could it? No, surely that wasn't him standing on the other side of the gate, was it?

Jere looked down the corridor where the angry crew man had left but he couldn't see him anymore. He wouldn't come back now, would he? Please not. Please please not.

His heart was pounding loudly and way too fast as Jere sneaked to the gate. He didn't even want to think about what would happen to himself if the man came back now. It would definitely not end well. Not for Jere.

However, it was worth taking the risk because it actually was Bojan standing there at the gate. He was beautiful. Good-looking and stunning like always. But something was different. Unlike all the other times when Jere had seen him, his boyfriend was wearing colourful clothes that looked like they surely cost more than everything Jere had ever owned combined.

Jere had never seen his boyfriend wearing clothes like these before, and he involuntarily found himself wondering whether he was wearing them just on the occasion of the ship voyage or if he was usually clothed like this and had just always put on other clothes to visit Jere.

Bojan looked good in his clothes, of course, he always did, no matter what he was wearing or if he wasn't wearing anything at all. The thought made Jere blush slightly, and he was glad that no one could read his mind.

But looking at his own clothes pitilessly reminded him of the fact that people like himself weren't good-looking. No, people like Jere wore old, tattered and patched up clothes. People like him could be glad if they found anything to wear that they could afford at all.

And people like him would never get to where Bojan was.

"Jere." Bojan's voice was more a whisper. "Jere."

Seeing him was bittersweet. On one hand it made him happy and showed him that his boyfriend was really here just like he had promised, but on the other hand it also made him sad and mercilessly reminded him of the fact that he couldn't have what he wanted.

He couldn't be close to him. He couldn't love him without fearing punishment. He couldn't meet him in public. As soon as people were looking, they had to act like they didn't even know each other.

Jere wished he could just walk over to his boyfriend and kiss him. He wished he could change his ticket to a second class one and share a cabin with him. He wished he wasn't stuck in the third class. On the bad side of the gate.

He wished he was someone else.

Someone better. Someone Bojan could love.

If only he could be at least as close to him as his friends were, being able and allowed to hug him and talk to him and laugh with him no matter how many people were looking. Not having to worry about any consequences.

"Jere? Are you okay?" Bojan sounded worried. "Are you hurt?"

"Bojan, you here." Jere whispered and smiled, putting his hands on the bars of the gate.

"Yeah, I wanted to see you." Bojan smiled shyly. "I've missed you."

"I miss you too. I stand here too long time, man not like."

"Yeah, I've seen it." Bojan nodded. "It makes me so angry; he treated you like dirt."

Jere shrugged. "I dirt." He had seen worse. But he hated the fact that his boyfriend had seen him in this embarrassing situation.

"No, Jere, you're not." Bojan softly put his hands on Jere's. "You're adorable and handsome and lovely, and I wish I could have helped you."

"No, you not. I okay." He was glad Bojan hadn't said anything because that would only have put him into danger too.

"Are you sure?" Bojan still seemed to be worried.

"Yes yes." Jere looked at the ground in shame, his face feeling way to warm. "Please forget." It was bad enough that his boyfriend had seen him like that. Stupid and weak.

"Jere..."

"No, you not know. I here and you this side."

For a moment, it was quiet, then Bojan replied. "I want to come over to you."

What? Jere lifted his head, looking at his boyfriend in disbelief. No, he surely did not want to come to Jere's side, he didn't even know what he was saying.

"No, you not." Jere shook his head. "You better side."

"The gate's closed now, I know." Bojan nodded, ignoring Jere's comment. "But I'll find a way. I promise I will find a way to get through this or another door, and then I will come over to you."

Jere shook his head in disbelief. "You crazy."

Bojan grinned. "No, I'm in love."

Chapter Text

A million thoughts were running through Bojan's head as he walked away from the gate. He wanted to turn around and run back to the gate, where Jere probably was still standing.

He wanted to hug his boyfriend and assure him that he was perfect the way he was. He wanted to kiss him until they both would forget that there was a gate between them. Until there was nothing but the two of them.

However, he knew it was impossible.

Of course, he couldn't kiss Jere here where too many people were looking, but he couldn't even talk to him for more than a few minutes. He had seen how the crew man had reacted to Jere standing at the gate. It was risky. Every second of talking here was.

Sure, it would have been safer not to talk at all. Of course, it would. But Bojan needed to see Jere. He needed to hear his voice, he needed to touch him. He needed to know he was here and okay.

That was why he hadn't gone to the library with his friends but had spent the past minutes close to the gate, hoping to see Jere. Hoping his boyfriend was missing him too and would come here.

However, he hadn't really expected to see him. And even less had he expected to see him lying on the floor while a member of the ship's crew was shouting at him.

Shouting because Jere had been too close to the gate.

Because of him.

Bojan had felt very bad for getting Jere in trouble, even though he technically hadn't done anything wrong. And when they finally had talked to each other, he had been afraid that the man, or someone else, would come back and hurt his boyfriend. He had been scared, but he had needed to see Jere so badly.

At least for a few moments. Just for a minute.

When Jere had looked at him, his beautiful eyes full of love, Bojan had nearly forgotten that there existed anything else in this world.

Unfortunately, though, there had been many other things.

While Bojan had been shocked seeing how badly this man had treated Jere, his boyfriend had seemingly just been resigned. He had called himself dirt and had acted like it was normal and perfectly fine to be pushed around like that. Like the man had been right to do so, which he definitely had not been!

Seeing and hearing this had ached painfully in Bojan's heart and he had wanted to tell Jere over and over again how special and precious he was, but he had felt like Jere hadn't believed a word of it.

Moreover, Jere had seemed like he hadn't even wanted to hear it. He had just answered that Bojan was on the better side of the gate, which meant he couldn't know how it was on Jere's side.

Probably, Jere was right when he said that Bojan didn't know how it was to be on the poorer side, but for sure, Bojan could and did know what a wonderful and lovely person Jere was.

Because Jere truly was lovely and wonderful. He was so much more than that. And whoever said anything else simply was a liar.

Surely, Bojan's side of the gate was the better side if you were looking for luxury and opulence, but the other side was the side where Jere was and that was why Bojan was determined to find a way to get to the other side.

The problem was just that he had no idea how to get there. The gates were closed to prevent the third class passengers from going to the higher classes, and of course, it also worked the other way round.

He had to find a way to open the gate and sneak into the third class area without being seen and stopped. And then to Jere's cabin without catching people's attention.

Difficult. Very difficult.

And he couldn't ask his friends for help. Surely, they wouldn't like the plan, but even more important, he couldn't ask them because they didn't know.

Bojan had never told them that he had a boyfriend. He had always been the one visiting Jere, never had his boyfriend been at Bojan's, so there hadn't been any moments where his friends could have seen him.

Not that Bojan was ashamed of him; no, he was not, and he was definitely not looking for a way to end this relationship. He just hadn't found the right moment to tell them. And if he was honest, he also was scared.

He knew he couldn't tell his family. They would never accept it. His parents wanted him to marry a pretty girl of a wealthy family, preferably one they chose for him.

Bojan had already told them several times that he didn't want to get married but he hadn't dared to tell why he didn't want to. His parents had just answered that he still had time. Of course, they hadn't understood that he didn't want to get married at all.

Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next year.

Never.

Not until he would be allowed to marry Jere. Which would unfortunately never happen. Just like he would never tell his family that he was into men. And maybe he was also kind of hoping his parents wouldn't be able to put so much pressure on him anymore if he was far away in America.

While he could guess how his family would react to his confession, he had no idea how his friends would react. He didn't know how they thought about same-sex couples. Maybe they would be disgusted. Maybe they would hate him. It was even possible that they would report his relationship to the police.

That was not the way he wanted to think about his friends, of course not, but it simply was a problematic topic. And after all, it was still illegal what he was doing with Jere. Even if it didn't feel wrong and wasn't hurting anyone. It was against the law, and he also didn't want to get his friends in trouble.

Perhaps the right moment to tell them would come soon. Perhaps he should have already told them. Surely, he would need an explanation why he needed to find Jere when they would leave the ship.

Yeah, probably he should tell them in advance. But what if none of his friends would want to share a cabin with him anymore? They had three cabins for the six of them, each cabin was for two people, so where should he sleep then?

The library wasn't only a room to read books but also a place to write letters, to draw, to talk, to play cards, to socialize, and to relax. There were chairs and tables, writing desks with lamps next to the windows, and a large bookcase full of books.

After dinner, Bojan's friends had decided to go to the library to play cards. Bojan had wanted to look for Jere, so he had said he would come later. Just a little bit later.

But well…

He had been standing near the gate and the seconds had turned into minutes and a few minutes had turned into many minutes, and then he finally had seen Jere and the plan to go to the library had been forgotten completely.

However, now he was here, much too late, finally entering the second class library. Kris frowned as he spotted him. "Where have you been so long?" 

"Me?" Bojan looked at him. "Nowhere."

"Yeah, sure. Nowhere. It's more than half an hour since Martin came here and told us you would come later."

Bojan didn't know what he should say, the only thing he knew was what he could not say. He definitely couldn't tell them the truth. He shrugged. "I'm here now."

Kris rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I see."

Jan pointed at a free chair at their table. "Sit down, we'll just finish this round and you can play in the next."

"Okay." Bojan nodded, sitting down.

He could have watched his friends playing cards while he was waiting but his thoughts were still with his boyfriend. How could he get to Jere's cabin? To open the gate, he would need a key. Probably the crew members had one, but for sure, they would never give it to him.

Maybe he could steal it? It wouldn't be easy but...

Wow, was he now actually thinking about waylaying and attacking the crew? That was... shocking? Definitely nothing he could do.

No, he was not going to injure anyone. Jere wouldn't want him to hurt anyone. And Bojan didn't want that either. He wasn't a robber. He wasn't violent.

But well, if there was a chance to get the key without hurting anyone, if it was just lying somewhere... Yeah, he would take it. For sure, he would.

It would still be theft, he knew.

He had never thought he would ever become a thief. He had never wanted to become one. Well, he still did not want to, but was there even any other option if he wanted to go to Jere? And honestly, what was worse? Stealing a key that he would return later or everything that society was doing to Jere and him? No, not only to the two of them but also to all the people being in similar situations.

According to the law, Bojan already was a criminal. Their relationship made them both criminals. Their love was probably seen as even worse than stealing a key.

"Bojan, hello? Are you with us?" Jure snapped him out of his thoughts.

Quickly, Bojan nodded. "Yeah, sure, I am."

"Take your cards then." Nace pointed at the cards laying in front of Bojan on the table.

"Oh." He hadn't even noticed that they had already distributed the cards for the next round. "Yeah, of course."

"Great. Let's start." Jan began.

"Wait. About what are we playing?" Maybe his friends had already explained it but Bojan hadn't listened at all.

Kris grinned. "If you lose, you tell us where you've been so long."

Strongly, Bojan shook his head. "I'm absolutely not going to tell you that!"

Kris' grin only grew wider. "So, you admit there's something to tell. That you've actually been somewhere. Interesting."

Bojan glared at him. "I've not... Oh no! I'm not admitting anything!"

Jure smirked. "Or you tell us about what you're thinking the whole time."

"I'm not thinking!" Bojan desperately shook his head.

"Yeah sure, that's why you've missed absolutely nothing that has happened here."

Bojan opened his mouth to answer but silently closed it again. There was nothing he could say to defend himself because Jure was just absolutely right. He hadn't been paying any attention.

Perhaps he should just go back to his cabin.

"Let him be." Nace put a card on the table. "If he doesn't want to tell, he won't."

Yeah, Bojan wouldn't tell them. And besides, it was better for his friends if they didn't know. As long as they didn't know, they could still see him the way they saw him now. They could see him as a good friend. Not as a madman doing disgusting things.

Now, they didn't have to think badly of him. They didn't need to hate him. They didn't need to want him dying in hell, suffering. They didn't need to blame Jere for turning their friend into a mad stranger. They didn't need to go to the police to report Jere and him.

Bojan didn't know how his friends actually would react if they learned about his relationship, but he was terrified to find out. Sure, it was also possible that they wouldn't do anything or that they even would be happy for him. But that was just unlikely, wasn't it?

Jan poked him, taking him out of his thoughts. "Bojči, your turn."

"Yeah, I know, I'm just... I'm just thinking about what I'm going to do now." Sure, that was absolutely not a completely obvious and ridiculous lie.

Kris laughed. "Of course, that's why you're staring into nothingness without even looking at what we're doing."

Bojan blushed, putting one of his cards on the table. "Jan, your tun."

In the end, Bojan actually lost. He was too little focused on the game and too much thinking about Jere. His boyfriend that he should not have. His boyfriend his friends didn't know he had.

"Bojan, are you okay?" Martin took him out of his thoughts again, now actually sounding worried. "I have the feeling that you're not really with us. It's no problem if you don't feel like playing cards, but if there's something bothering you, please tell us, okay?"

Bojan nodded, trying to smile convincingly. "I'm alright. Don't worry." He wasn't. He was already missing Jere so much, but he couldn't tell his friends.

"Okay." Martin didn't look like he had bought it, but he didn't ask any more questions and Bojan was glad about that.

Until teatime, they kept playing cards. To Bojan's luck, his friends didn't continue teasing him. Maybe Kris was just taking a little break to think about other ways to get on his nerves, but at least for now he was quiet.

After tea, which had been great, Nace held up the cards. "Next round?"

Bojan shook his head. "Oh no."

Provocatively, Jure looked at him. "Afraid of losing again?"

"No, I'm just..." Thinking too much about Jere. "I'm just done playing cards."

Jan shrugged. "Well, makes my chance to win higher."

Kris laughed. "Being good at the game makes your chance higher."

His friends started a new round. Bojan watched but his thoughts were still somewhere else, which made it hard to pay attention. When a young man suddenly stood next to their table, asking something, he startled.

"Excuse me, have you seen my friends?" The man described how his three friends looked, but Bojan didn't even remember whether he had seen anyone coming into the room.

Nace shook his head. "No, I haven't seen them."

Martin agreed. "I don't think they have been here. Probably, they're still on the way. You can take a seat here if you like."

The man smiled, sitting down. "Thank you. I'm Andrejs."

"Jure." "Jan." "Martin." "Nace." "I'm Kris. And that's Bojan over there, but he's probably not listening."

Bojan glared at his friend. "I am listening! You're just so... so annoying, Kris."

"Can you two please stop?" Jan rolled his eyes. "If you keep going, Andrejs will surely prefer sitting somewhere else, outside where the wind blows your words away."

"Wow, how poetic."

"Oh, it's okay." Andrejs laughed. "I'm fine."

It didn't take long until Andrejs' friends entered the library and walked over to them. One of the three men smirked. "Andrejs, did you already find new friends to replace us?"

"Sure." Andrejs grinned. "I had plenty of time while you were searching for this room."

Andrejs' friends laughed. "It's a huge ship, you know."

"Do you want to join us?" Kris looked from Andrejs to Andrejs' friends. "We could just make a little more space for you if you like."

At this point, the table around which they were sitting was slowly getting too small for all of them, so they sat around two tables but still close enough to talk.

"These are my friends. Kārlis and Mārtiņš, and my brother Kārlis."

"Wait." Jure frowned. "You two have the same name?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I don't know whether that's positive or negative. Less names to remember but also very confusing." The others laughed.

"Yeah, it's confusing enough to find the right way on this large ship, isn't it?" Andrejs smirked at his friends.

Andrejs' brother smirked back. "Well, I would have preferred ending up in the first class instead."

Jan laughed. "I don't think that's possible." Not as long as there were closed gates between the classes.

"No, it's not." Kārlis agreed. "But have you never thought about going there? Just to have a look?"

Bojan actually had thought about that, just theoretically, and he had immediately decided that he didn't care about the first class. Not at all. He was probably the only person who wasn't dreaming of going to the first class but the third class. The only crazy person who wanted a downgrade instead of an upgrade.

But the point was that for him it wasn't a downgrade at all. How could it be if he would be with Jere?

Jan shrugged. "I don't know. It's just not realistic I think."

"I have thought about that." Kris spoke up. "I've heard it's great there."

Andrejs agreed. "Yeah, I've heard that too." Probably everyone had.

Jure nodded. "And there are the most important people." Definitely not in Bojan's point of view.

Jokingly, Kris frowned. "Are we not important enough for you anymore?"

"You are important for me but not for the world."

"They aren't either." Martin shook his head. "Not for the whole world."

"True." Mārtiņš agreed. "But it would be interesting meeting them."

"Maybe." Nace shrugged. "But I think you would rather meet the crew who'd take you back to your area." That was exactly what Bojan was afraid of too.

"Probably, yeah." Mārtiņš laughed. "Unfortunately."

Jan shrugged. "I don't know whether they would even want to talk to us."

"Why not? We're friendly people."

"Sure, we are." Jan nodded. "But would you like to talk to third class passengers who come to your area to ask you things?"

"Well…" Mārtiņš seemed to be thinking.

"Okay, who would talk to them?" Jan looked around.

Bojan hated the question. Of course, he would talk to a third class passenger. He actually did talk to one. He talked to Jere. Indeed, as often as possible.

Kārlis shook his head. "That's different."

"Why?"

"Third class passengers are... I don't know... they are just... different."

Different? How? Bojan didn't understand him. How were third class passengers different? Weren't they humans? Or what was Kārlis trying to say?

"Well." Nace shrugged. "If they can't speak English, we probably wouldn't understand them."

Kris laughed. "Some of them are from England. I hope they can speak English."

Jan looked around again. "So, no one would then?"

Bojan wanted to say something. He wanted to say that for sure he would talk to third class passengers. Because why shouldn't he talk to them? But somehow, he was afraid to say it. Perhaps he was being a coward, but the others were talking like it was such a terrible thing to speak to a poor person that he was afraid it wouldn't be a good idea to admit that he did that.

Or maybe not admit it but rather just tell it. Because it wasn't something bad, it was just being kind and friendly. It wasn't a crime, was it?

At least just talking wasn't.

The other parts of his relationship with Jere were...

"No, I would." Martin spoke up now. "If they are polite and friendly, I would talk to them."

Thankfully, Bojan looked at him, glad and relieved that he wasn't completely alone. Martin's support gave him the courage to speak up as well. "Yeah, I would too."

"Okay." Jan concluded. "Two people out of ten, that's not a high quota."

Kārlis shrugged. "It's still not the same with first and second class."

"Sure, and we're only ten people." Jan nodded. "But it's at least similar."

"I'm not sure about that. At least we're not ill." What? What was he implying?

Andrejs laughed. "We can get ill too."

"Everybody can get ill." Bojan spoke up, trying to hold back his anger. "And for sure, they are not all ill." He knew they weren't.

"Whatever." Kārlis shrugged. "I'm not going to find out."

"You don't have to." Mārtiņš tried to soothe the mood. "We're here to enjoy the voyage, not to diagnose other people."

Andrejs nodded. "And to explore the continent. Has anyone of you already been to America?"

"No." Kris shook his head. "We've never been there before. None of us."

"Us neither. I'm really excited. Are you going to stay there? Or are you just visiting?"

"We stay there. Looking for work and everything. And what are your plans?"

"We want to travel around and take a look at the country. Maybe we'll find a place where we want to stay longer, maybe not." Andrejs shrugged. "We'll see."

When the ship approached France to pick up the passengers from Cherbourg, the ten of them stood on the promenade, watching curiously. There were two ships bringing the passengers to the Titanic. The SS Nomadic and the SS Traffic.

First, a gangway was put up between Nomadic and Titanic, so a few passengers could leave the Titanic. Then, a few hundred people from both ships were to board the Titanic. The gangway was swaying and it was obviously not easy to go across it and get on board.

"Oh, I'm glad, we're already here." Jan watched the men holding down the gangway.

"Me too." Andrej nodded. "I wouldn't want to fall into the cold water."

Nace turned to him. "I hope no one will fall."

"There are the first class passengers." Kārlis pointed at the gateway. "Look at their hats!"

"And the dresses!" Jure added enthusiastically.

Bojan just nodded without really looking. He didn't care about what those passengers were wearing. He didn't want to admire their hats, their dresses, their jackets or whatever. Not because he was jealous but because he simply wasn't interested in their clothes. The only thing he wanted to see was Jere, but his boyfriend wasn't here.

Of course, he wasn't. This was the second class promenade.

Martin stepped closer to him. "Are you okay?"

Quickly, Bojan nodded. "Yeah, I... Of course, I am. I just want to... I just go and walk around a little, okay?"

"Oh, are you cold?"

"No... yeah, maybe a little." No, he just wanted to have a look at the third class deck space.

"We could go back inside if you want."

"No, I'm okay, thanks. I just need to walk." He just needed to see Jere.

"Okay." Martin nodded.

"I'm back in a few minutes." Probably.

Bojan turned around, heading towards the third class area. He was walking slowly because the others might be watching him and he didn't want them to notice that he knew exactly where he wanted to go to. He wanted them to think that he was just walking around randomly.

He stopped at the railing where he could look down to the third class open deck space, hoping Jere was somewhere there. However, it didn't take him long to see that he wasn't. No one of those people there was his boyfriend. Desperately, he kept looking down, but of course, Jere didn't appear out of nowhere.

He simply was not here.

There were so many spaces on this ship, why should his boyfriend be here? Had Bojan really thought he could see him if he just walked close enough to one of the third class areas? How stupid could he be?

Shaking his head at himself, he turned around to walk back. Not without throwing a last glance at the area below, where Jere still was nowhere to be seen.

When he came back to the others, Martin looked at him, silently worrying.

Jure frowned. "Where have you been?"

Bojan shrugged. "Just walking around."

"Walking?" Mārtiņš shook his head in disbelief. "That's a ship. You won't get far."

Andrejs laughed, looking at his brother, Mārtiņš, and Kārlis. "Still big enough for some people to get lost."

Andrejs' brother rolled his eyes. "How long are you going to annoy us with that?"

"Everybody's on board now, I think." Nace was still looking at the gangway. "I think now they're carrying food and things over."

Kris nodded. "Yeah, I don't want to be starving."

"You won't." Kārlis shook his head. "There's way more food here than you could eat."

"I hope so, but I'm not the only one here."

"I'm sure you won't be the first to starve on this ship."

Kris smirked. "So, you volunteer then?"

"No, if they really had too little food, they surely would start serving less food to the third class passengers. We're not the first to starve."

"That's not going to happen anyway." Bojan strongly shook his head. He didn't even want to imagine Jere starving. No, that was not going to happen.

"No, it won't." Mārtiņš agreed. "Let's go back inside."

Kris nodded. "To eat supper."

After a great meal, Jure suggested going to the smoking room. It was a room for men only. A place to smoke, drink rum, whisky or brandy, and talk about politics while playing cards.

Bojan was okay with smoking and drinking, and also with just sitting there with his friends, but he didn't feel like playing cards and definitely not like discussing politics. Especially not questions that had anything to do with his relationship.

His secret, illegal relationship.

He didn't want to nod when other people were talking badly about poor people. He didn't want to pretend agreeing when other people called same-sex couples disgusting. He didn't want to let their words hurt him.

He didn't even want to hear it.

Right now, he just wanted to leave and go to the gate again, hoping to see Jere. He had suggested his boyfriend to meet again after supper if it was possible and not too risky.

But how could he explain to his friends that he suddenly had to go somewhere? Martin had already been looking worriedly at him for nearly the whole day, probably he was suspecting something, and Bojan was afraid of the questions his friend might ask.

He emptied his glass, trying to listen to the conversation. At least they didn't seem to be talking about anything bad. Not about anything mean or hurtful. But still, Bojan needed to go now, he needed to see Jere.

He got up. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Are you seasick?" Kris sounded surprisingly serious.

Bojan shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I just need to..."

Jure interrupted him. "You don't look fine. You've been odd since boarding the ship. Maybe even before."

"Yeah." Jan nodded. "You wanted to take this ship so badly, but now that we're here, you're so... I don't even know how to describe it."

Nace agreed. "You look like you wanted to run away all the time."

"Yeah." Martin nodded. "You can always talk to us. I hope you know that."

No, not about this. Not about Jere.

"I am okay, I just need to go to the bathroom." Bojan turned around and walked out of the smoking room.

As soon as he was in the corridor, he glanced back, but luckily, no one seemed to be following him. Nobody should see where he was going. Because he didn't go to the bathroom. Of course not. He went directly to the gate, looking for Jere.

Bojan's heart skipped a beat as he saw Jere standing at the gate. He actually was there! It had worked! When Jere spotted him, a beautiful smile spread on his face and Bojan was sure that he himself was smiling at least as widely as his boyfriend.

Jere stepped closer to the gate, so Bojan could understand him whispering. "You come."

"Of course, I came." He would have liked being here earlier, but it had been difficult.

"I happy see you, yes yes, very happy." Jere's eyes were shining.

"Me too, Jere." Bojan could look at him forever. Never would he get tired of that smile and those eyes. Never would he get tired of seeing his boyfriend.

"Yes yes, you look happy. Happy and good. You fun, yes?"

"Yeah." Bojan nodded. He was having fun here, yeah. "But I've missed you." Shyly, he took Jere's hand in his.

"I miss you too. Many friend... friend people here, but here only one you, yes." Jere squeezed his hand.

"You've found some friends?"

"Not know if friends but they good. Good people here." Oh, friendly people then.

"That's good to hear. So, you like the ship?"

"Yes yes, like." Jere nodded. "Big ship, bed good, food very good. I like, yes yes. You like too, yes?"

"Yeah, it's a great ship." Except for those gates between Jere and him.

"You friend like too?"

"My friends? Yeah, they like the ship." Probably even more than he did.

"Friends, yes." Jere nodded. "I want say that. Where friends?"

"In the smoking room." Waiting for him to come back from the bathroom. And surely wondering why it was taking him so long.

"Oh, you have smoking room too!" Yeah? Bojan opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say anything, Jere shook his head to himself. "Of course, you have, I stupid."

"You're not stupid, Jere." Bojan strongly disagreed with that.

"If I have smoking room, of course, you have smoking room. Logic."

Bojan didn't know what he should answer to that. Probably, Jere was kind of right. Not about being stupid but about the smoking room. It was logical that the third class rooms also had an equivalent at second class, just a more luxurious one.

Jere continued speaking. "You have many room, yes?"

"I don't know." Bojan shrugged. "There's the dining saloon, the smoking room, the library..."

"What... that?" Jere looked clueless.

Confused, Bojan frowned. "The library?"

Jere nodded, looking shamefacedly at the ground. Oh.

"A room with books. You can read or you can just sit there, writing letters or playing cards or simply relaxing. Shall I bring you a book?"

Jere shook his head, still looking down.

Oh, wait.

"Can you..." Bojan hesitated, afraid his question would hurt his boyfriend. "Can you read?"

Jere nodded slightly. "But very bad."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to hurt you, Jere, I... I didn't know."

Jere shook his head. "I am poor man. Poor and ugly and stupid, not forget."

"You are not stupid and not ugly, Jere! Stop saying that!" How could his boyfriend think so badly about himself?

"Okay, I stop, but it not go away. Still stupid. You good. You perfect. Perfect Bojan."

Bojan shook his head. "I am not perfect, Jere. I am… I am cowardly. I am scared of so many things, I..." He didn't even manage to tell his own friends he was into men. "And if you asked my parents... they would tell you I'm a complete failure."

Jere lifted his head to look at him. "I not know parents, but I know you. You not feli... failure. You all good. Perfect. Please, you not listen if they say that. They wrong. Very wrong."

Bojan smiled slightly. Jere was very cute, trying to convince him. "Well, in their point of view I am a failure. I'm not like they wanted me to be."

"You better."

Bojan laughed. His boyfriend didn't even know how his parents wanted him to be. "You think that?"

Jere smiled. "Yes yes."

Bojan grinned. "Okay, I believe you when you believe me that you're beautiful and not stupid."

"Okay, not stupid."

Bojan nodded. "And beautiful."

"I not think that. Just look." Jere pointed at himself. "Not look good. Poor."

Bojan thought for a moment. "Would you say I'm ugly if I was wearing your clothes?"

"What? No, you not ugly." Jere shook his head. "You never ugly."

"Then why are you calling yourself ugly because of your clothes?"

"I..." Jere stared at him, speechless.

"I'm currently still looking for a way, but soon, I'll come over to you, I promise. Then you can give me some of your clothes to wear, and either you will have to call us both ugly or you will have to stop thinking your clothes make you ugly."

"You crazy." Jere smiled. "And you make me crazy. I not know how you do that."

Bojan smirked. "I can make you more than crazy, you know. And I love to."

Jere blushed slightly. "Yes yes, I know. I love. But not here."

"No, not here." Bojan shook his head, grinning. "Better not." And he should better go back to his friends.

"Yes yes, better." Jere was looking him in the eye, smiling beautifully, and Bojan wished he never had to go.

But unfortunately, he had to.

Standing here was risky and his friends were waiting. He had already been standing at the gate for way too long.

"Jere." Bojan squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "I'm sorry but I think I should go back now."

Jere nodded, looking sad. "I know. Back to friend... friends."

"Yeah, they're waiting." Probably.

"Okay. But we see next day? If possible?"

"Of course, yeah." Bojan nodded.

"Good." Jere smiled.

"Good night." Bojan smiled back, squeezing his boyfriend's hand for the last time and then letting go of him.

"Night." That was the last thing Bojan heard as he turned around to walk back to the second class smoking room.

His friends were still playing cards when he entered the room. Or at least, there were still cards lying in front of them on the table. Martin and Nace were rolling their eyes while Kris and Jan were explaining something to Jure, who was strongly shaking his head.

As soon as Jure spotted Bojan, he pointed at Kris and Jan. "Tell them I'm not cheating!"

"What?" Bojan frowned, sitting down. "I have no idea if you were."

"Then tell them you haven't seen me cheating!"

"Okay." Bojan shrugged. "I haven't seen Jure cheating." Well, he actually hadn't.

Jure grinned at Kris and Jan. "You see? He agrees."

Kris rolled his eyes. "He hasn't even been here."

"And you have seen that wrong."

Jan shook his head. "You have been cheating, we know it."

"No, I've won sportingly. You two are just bad losers."

"You're not a winner, you're disqualified."

"I am not."

Frowning confusedly, Bojan looked at Martin and Nace, who were silently sitting next to their arguing friends. "What's going on here?"

Nace shrugged. "Jure won again and Kris and Jan are sure he has cheated while Jure says he hasn't. Don't listen to them, it's not worth the dispute."

"Yeah." Martin turned towards Bojan. "How are you? Feeling better now?"

Bojan nodded. "I'm alright." He actually was feeling better now after seeing Jere, but he was already missing him again. If only they could spend more time together.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Really. Just maybe a bit tired." Thinking about it, he probably actually was tired.

"Okay." Martin nodded. "Maybe we should go to sleep then."

Nace agreed. "That's a good idea. I don't feel like playing cards anymore."

"Well." Martin looked at their still arguing friends. "I don't think we could play another round anyway." Yeah, probably he was right.

Nace poked Jan. "I'm leaving. Are you coming too?"

Jan looked at him in confusion. "What? Where?"

"Sleeping."

"Yeah." Martin nodded. "You can discuss this tomorrow. Or better not at all."

"Well..." Nace looked at Kris and Jure and grinned. "You two are sharing a cabin, you can spend the whole night arguing if you like, I don't care."

Bojan nodded. "But quietly please, I need some sleep."

"Yeah, me too." Nace agreed. "Are you coming now, Jan?"

Some minutes later, Bojan and Martin were lying in the bunk bed in their cabin. Although Bojan had been really tired just a few moments ago, now he didn't feel sleepy at all.

Too many thoughts were running through his head. How could he get to Jere's cabin? How could he open the gate? How could he show Jere that he didn't need expensive clothes to be beautiful? How could he show him that he didn't need money to be good?

What could he do to make him stop thinking he was stupid? What could he do to make him stop thinking he wasn't enough? What could he do to show his boyfriend how much he loved him?

Because he did love him. So so much.

Maybe Bojan should stop being such a coward. If Jere should try to think better of himself, Bojan should try to be less cowardly.

He hadn't even told Jere that his friends didn't know he was into men. He hadn't told anything at all. Perhaps he had been afraid his boyfriend would take it as a bad sign. A sign telling him that their relationship didn't mean anything to Bojan.

But that was absolutely not true. It had never been a joke to him. He had always been serious about their relationship. It was everything to him.

Jere was everything to him.

He really loved him. Seriously. Honestly. With all of his heart. And sometimes it scared him how deeply he was in love.

He was afraid of doing something wrong. He was afraid of losing Jere, either because he did something stupid that would make his boyfriend run away or because of the law.

The law was also the reason why he hadn't told his friends. Or rather, it was the main reason why he hadn't. Another reason was that he was just scared. Scared of their reaction. Scared that he would lose them. Scared that they would hurt him or Jere.

Maybe his fear was justified, maybe he was just a coward.

However, he didn't want to be a coward anymore. He wanted to be brave but not careless. That was important. In his situation it would end badly if he wasn't careful and cautious.

But Kris, Jan, Jure, Nace, and Martin were his friends. He had known them since years and he knew them really well, they were good people. They wouldn't report him, would they? It wouldn't be careless to tell them, would it?

Probably, he should start by telling just one of his friends. Maybe Martin? Yeah, that was a good idea, wasn't it? Martin was sharing a cabin with him and had been asking for almost the whole day what was wrong with him.

And he could trust him, couldn't he?

It was quiet, Bojan wasn't sure whether Martin actually was still awake, but he had to ask. If he didn't do it now, he maybe would never find the courage to do it at all.

If Martin no longer wanted to sleep in the same cabin as him, Bojan would have to go to Jere. He would finally find a way to his boyfriend's cabin. Somehow. Or he wouldn't sleep at all.

He could just sit on deck and... Okay maybe not on deck, because it would be freezing, but he surely would find a place to sit. Somewhere.

Unless Martin went to the ship's crew to make them arrest Bojan. No, he was his friend, he wouldn't do that, would he? He probably would think that Bojan was disgusting but he wouldn't want him to go to prison, would he?

Bojan had to be cautious. He couldn't know how Martin would react. It was better if he didn't tell who his boyfriend was, so they wouldn't find Jere. They would have to let his boyfriend go.

Bojan wouldn't tell them Jere's name to let them punish him. No, he'd rather jump off the ship and drown than letting anyone hurt his boyfriend.

Wow, that thought was crazy.

Love really seemed to make people crazy.

Bojan took a deep breath to find the courage to speak. "Martin? Are you sleeping?"

He could hear his friend shifting in the bed and tiredly muttering. "Almost."

Perhaps this was a bad time to talk about something that serious, but Bojan felt like he would never find sleep if he didn't do it now.

Or perhaps it actually was a good time because Martin was too tired to hate him. And maybe he even was too tired to remember the conversation tomorrow.

No, that was definitely very unlikely.

"Do you..." Bojan hesitated. How should he start? What could he say to make it at least possible that Martin's reaction wouldn't be that bad? "Do you think we're going to hell when we die?"

"What?" Martin sounded confused.

"I mean... like burning in hellfire or something."

"What? Why? We're not dead." Okay, perhaps it had been a bad idea.

"Yeah, but I mean when we die... at some point."

"Oh, I think... It depends on whether you've been a good person?" It sounded more like a question than like an answer.

"And what makes you a good person?"

"Bojči, can't you just sleep?"

Ignoring the comment, Bojan continued. "What makes you a bad person then?"

Martin sighed. "I don't know... Hatred maybe? Murder? Why?"

Bojan didn't answer the question. "And what about love?"

"Love? It's… something positive? I don't think you'll go to hell for it?" Now Martin definitely was confused by the questions.

Bojan nodded. That was what he would have thought too. If he hadn't been told differently. "Yeah. But what if... what if you love the wrong person?"

"You mean cheating? That's bad, yeah, I..."

"No, not cheating." Bojan interrupted his friend. "I mean... I mean... Like if... if you..." Why was this so hard? Why could he not even say it?

"If you what?"

Bojan swallowed, closing his eyes. "What if you're a man and you love another man."

Suddenly, it was completely silent. Martin didn't answer, Bojan couldn't even hear him breathing. If he hadn't known his friend was lying in the bed above, he could have thought he was alone in the cabin.

The silence was probably even worse than mean words. If Martin had been shouting at him or insulting him, Bojan would at least have gotten any reaction. But now, he had no idea what his friend was thinking.

How badly he was thinking of him.

Then, finally, Martin spoke up, quietly asking. "Do you?"

"What?" That was not the reaction Bojan had expected.

"Do you love a... one?"

"I'm... I'm just asking." Yeah, he definitely did love a man.

"Okay, you're just asking." Martin shifted in his bed. "Look, the thing is... I don't know."

This wasn't such a bad reaction, was it? At least Martin hadn't thrown him out of the cabin or ended their friendship. He hadn't told him to go to hell for even thinking about falling in love with a man.

"I don't know if you go to hell. You or whoever you mean."

"Okay." Bojan's voice sounded thin.

"But I can promise you one thing, Bojči. I'm not going to tell the police. You're not saying you're talking about yourself, but if you were... I wouldn't tell it to anyone, I promise."

"Thanks." Bojan swallowed, trying to fight back tears. "I... I am. Talking about me, I mean."

"I know."

At this moment, Bojan couldn't keep the tears from welling up in his eyes anymore. Not only had Martin not thrown him out of the cabin but he also had promised not to report him, and he didn't even seem to hate him.

"I'm sorry." Bojan sobbed.

"Don't be. I... I just don't know what I should say."

Bojan nodded. "That's okay."

"Can I ask you something?" Martin sounded cautious, unsure.

"Yeah?" Honestly, Bojan was scared of what question might follow now.

"Do you think it's going to... stay?" Oh, that kind of question.

"I know it will." That wasn't something he could put on and take off like a hat. And neither could he throw it away if he wasn't happy with it. Unlike an old hat whose colour he didn't like anymore.

"Oh... okay."

It was quiet again. Probably, Martin needed some time to process the information, but luckily, he hadn't taken back his words yet. Bojan wiped away the tears. "I'm sorry."

"Look." Martin spoke up again. "You're my friend. I don't want to lose you, you know. I can't say that I understand. Like really understand, because I don't. But I... I don't have to, you know? I..." He hesitated. "I just have one more question."

"Yeah?" Please, nothing bad.

"Does it... I mean... Does it make you happy?" Oh. That was… definitely an unexpected question.

"Love?"

"Yeah."

"It... Yeah, it does. Of course, yeah." Bojan smiled slightly. "But I'm also... afraid." More than just afraid actually.

"That you're going to hell?"

"No. Well, maybe also that, but..." Hell was definitely not his biggest fear.

"That you're going to prison?"

"No, not me." Bojan shook his head. "Him." Jere.

"Oh." For a moment, it was quiet again, then Martin concluded. "So, you have one? Someone you love?"

"Yeah." Bojan nodded.

"Do I... Do I know... him?"

"No, don't worry, it's not you."

"Sorry, I'm... I'm..."

"No, it's okay. I understand." Probably, Bojan would have had the same question if it had been the other way round. "But you really don't know him."

"Okay." Martin sounded relieved.

After that, the silence was back, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one anymore. Bojan could hear his friend breathing calmly and he almost thought he had fallen asleep when Martin suddenly spoke up again.

"Does he?"

"Who does what?"

"Does... that man... Does he... like you?" Oh.

Bojan hesitated. Not because he wasn't sure whether Jere loved him but because he wasn't sure whether it was a good idea to tell that to others. "He does."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"And... What... What do you do?"

Bojan frowned, unsure what his friend meant. "What we… what we're doing together?"

"Oh, no. Not that... No, I mean... You two meet?"

Bojan swallowed. He could answer honestly, couldn't he? "Yeah. We're boyfriends."

"Oh, you're..." Martin seemed to need some moments to process that. "So… Is he here?"

Bojan nodded. "He is." At least near. But still too far away in third class.

"Oh, I think now I get it! You were with him, that's why you were late." Martin sounded proud to have solved the big mystery of the day.

Bojan smiled. "Yeah."

Again, it was quiet. Maybe he would finally be able to sleep now. Hopefully. He closed his eyes, and...

"Bojči?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I... maybe... meet him? Sometime?"

Surprised, Bojan opened his eyes again. "You want to meet him?"

"Yeah? Is that... a bad idea?"

"I don't know." Bojan hesitated. "I don't think it's possible."

"Why not?" Martin sounded confused. "You said he's here?"

"He is. He's on the ship, yeah, but... Can you promise me that you won't do anything that could put him into danger?"

"Of course, I promise."

"Okay." Bojan swallowed. He could trust his friend, couldn't he? Martin would keep his promise. He wouldn't report them in order to keep Jere away from Bojan. Even if he knew that Jere was poor. "He's at third class."

"Oh." A pause. "That's real trouble."

"I know." Bojan sighed.

"Is he... I mean... What... kind of person is he? He doesn't hurt you, does he?"

"What? No!" Bojan strongly shook his head. "He is not violent! And he's not stupid! Forget what you thought to know about poor people, it's not true." He was so tired of those prejudices.

"I know nothing. I've just heard things."

"I've also heard things, but I can tell you it's not true." For too many years, Bojan had believed those stories too, and he was ashamed of that.

"Okay okay, I get it. He's a good person."

Bojan nodded. "He really is. I'm not... ashamed of him or something. I'm just... afraid, you know?" There was no reason to be ashamed. He was lucky that Jere loved him back. "His brother is the only one who knows about us. You're the first person I've ever told."

"Oh. Thanks for trusting me."

"You're welcome." Bojan laughed, even though there was nothing really funny about it. "I'm actually just so relieved you don't hate me. I was afraid you would throw me out of the cabin and call the crew to arrest me and my boyfriend."

"I would never do that."

"Yeah, but I was scared. I had no idea how you would react." And there were still his other friends who didn't know anything.

"Are you going to tell the others?"

"I... I don't know." Bojan swallowed. "I really want to, but honestly, I'm so scared."

"I can't promise you that they will like it, but I don't think anyone of them will tell it to others or report you to the police."

"Thank you." Bojan smiled. "You're a great friend. I think I'll tell them."

"If you need help, I'm here for you. Always."

"Thanks." Bojan was fighting back tears again.

"No problem, that's what friends are for." Yeah sure, but still he couldn't take it for granted that his friends would support his illegal relationship. "Maybe we should try to sleep now, okay?"

"Yeah, good night."

"Night."

Chapter Text

When Jere woke up in the morning, for a moment he was confused. Where was he? What was that strange sound he heard? He blinked his eyes open to have a glance at the room. It looked very different from the place where Mikke and he lived, and he couldn't see his brother anywhere.

Then, he realized where he was. He was in his cabin on the largest ship in the world. He was on the way to America. Alone, because Mikke was still in England.

Well, he wasn't really alone since there were thousands of other people on the ship, but of course, it wasn't the same as having Mikke here. He didn't know them. And nobody knew him as good as his brother did.

Not the other passengers he had never seen before. Not the ship's crew who probably could only distinguish between the different classes but not see the individuals behind these labels.

And not his boyfriend either.

Yes, he'd say Bojan knew him, but just not as good as Mikke did, and of course, not since the first days of his life, unlike his brother.

And sometimes Jere felt like his boyfriend knew him but he didn't know his boyfriend. There were so many things he didn't know about him. So many unanswered questions he would like to find an answer to but still didn't dare to ask.

At the moment, Bojan was the only one he had, the only one he knew here, and he had to do everything not to lose him. He had to do everything to make his boyfriend want to keep him if he didn't want to end up all alone. If this current situation even could be counted as not being all alone.

Yes, if he wasn't already lost and alone.

He should finally stop thinking. He should stop listening to his doubts. He shouldn't assume the worst. It was still possible that his fears wouldn't come true. It was still possible that this wouldn't end the way he thought it would.

Bojan loved him, he had said it multiple times. They were boyfriends, and even though Jere still didn't get how Bojan could really want him, they were happy together, weren't they?

Jere could tell he definitely was.

He was happy when he was with his boyfriend, and Bojan had always looked happy too, hadn't he? He surely wouldn't have come to see him so many times if he hadn't been happy with him, wouldn't he?

It wouldn't have been worth the risk. Because it was risky for Bojan too. He wouldn't have taken the risk if he just wanted to have a little bit fun or if he just had pity on poor stupid Jere.

Yes, stupid Jere, he could still call himself that as long as Bojan couldn't hear it. Tyhmä. Niin tyhmä.

However, it just didn't help at all.

He better got up to get himself ready for breakfast because he absolutely didn't want to miss a meal on the ship. The food on board was way too good to be skipped, and more important, he didn't have to pay for it since it was included in the ticket price.

He would be stupid to miss the meals.

Well, he was stupid but not that stupid. And after all, he didn't know if he would get anything to eat in America, so he had to eat now as long as he still could.

Jere had just taken a free seat at the table in the dining saloon when a group of three men approached him. The first of them pointed at the chairs next to Jere's. "Are these seats taken?"

Jere didn't understand the question. "Take away?"

The men looked at him in confusion, and Jere understood that they probably had meant something else. He pointed at the free chairs. "You want sit?"

"Yeah, thank you." The men nodded, sitting down.

Shamefacedly, Jere tried to smile. "I excuse. I not speak good English."

Fortunately, the men smiled back. "Oh, it's okay. I'm Sean." "Yeah, no problem. I'm David." "Jean."

Oh, those names sounded hard to pronounce. "I Jere. Good morning."

"Good morning, Jere. May I ask where you come from?"

Jere nodded. "Yes yes, ask. I from Finland. North. You?"

"We're from Malta."

Jere thought about the word for a moment. "I not know. Where that?"

"Probably not close to Finland. It's an island in the south."

"Ailänd?" What did that mean?

David nodded. "Yeah, in the sea next to Italy."

"Oh, warm?" It was warm in Italy, wasn't it?

Jean shrugged. "Not all the time. But probably warmer than Finland."

"Finland cold. Much lumi... snow in... cold time. And jäässä... ice. And very not sun. But in warm time very sun... You see night."

Surprised, David looked at him. "The sun shines at night?"

"Yes yes, in warm time, long day. But no sun in day in cold time."

"Oh, there's much sun in summer but it's dark during winter?"

Jere nodded. "Yes yes, that."

"Summer sounds great but for winter... I don't know..."

"Dark sad, yes?"

"Yeah." Sean agreed. "And you can't see anything all the time."

David nodded. "You need good eyes then."

"Eyes with sun?" Jere smirked. "Good idea."

David laughed. "Yeah, to keep you warm inside and able to see in the dark."

"I want. But here only that eyes." Jere pointed at his own eyes. "Not good if dark."

However, when Jere saw the breakfast, his eyes lit up, almost like the perfect eyes for cold, dark wintertimes that David had described before.

The menu surprised Jere in the absolutely best kind of way. He was used to eat a small piece of bread or some porridge in the morning, it depended on what Mikke had been able to get at the market.

Or sometimes nothing at all if there was just no money left.

But here on the ship, there was bread and porridge. Both on the same morning. And there was milk. And butter. And marmalade. And that wasn't even all.

He just had to sit there and eat. Maybe talk with other people and enjoy the time but nothing else. He didn't have to worry that maybe there wouldn't be enough food left for the next day if he ate too much now. He didn't have to fear that his brother would stay hungry if he ate too much.

Because there simply was enough. For all the days of the voyage and for all the people on board. It was amazing.

Jere had eaten different kinds of bread in his life. He knew how to enjoy eating old bread which was so hard and dry that you could hammer nails into the wall with it. He knew the taste of bread that had been lying in dirt and dust, and he knew that mouldy bread tasted disgusting even if you were really, really hungry.

But the bread here on the ship was neither hard nor mouldy. It was soft and probably even fresh. It looked good, it smelled good, and it surely tasted even better. Happily, he bit into it, and it tasted delicious. Definitely the best bread he had ever eaten.

He wished Mikke was here to taste it. He wished his brother had the chance to see this amazing ship. He wished he could share all this with someone who was so close to him. Surely, the three men from Malta were good and friendly people but it just wasn't the same.

And Bojan...

His boyfriend would probably laugh at his extreme joy about a simple piece of bread. Or no, he wouldn't laugh, because Bojan wasn't mean, but he would think Jere was ridiculous and he would give him a pitying look.

No, Jere definitely couldn't share this experience with his boyfriend, there just were some things in Jere's world that Bojan wouldn't understand. Some things his boyfriend simply couldn't understand because they didn't exist in Bojan's world.

In a world where old bread was only good to be thrown away. Or at poor people who were annoying by asking for work.

Well, at least, you could still eat the bread that had been thrown at your head.

But it was humiliating. It was degrading, even though Jere knew he factually was worth less than the rich people. He knew he would never get to where they were but being treated like he wasn't a human at all could still hurt.

It had hurt. At least in the beginning.

But people got used to their circumstances, didn't they?

At some point, you just stopped thinking about things you couldn't change anyway. Because accepting was less painful than questioning. Surrendering was less energy-consuming than fighting. And you needed your energy to survive.

If you just stayed in your part of town, you couldn't see the rich people's luxury anyway. You could almost forget that not everybody had the same living conditions as you. You had to push those useless thoughts away and focus on yourself.

But that was hard if you had a boyfriend coming from the other world.

How could he ever forget that Bojan existed?

Not even if his boyfriend broke up with him and disappeared forever, Jere would be able to forget him. Not in a year. Not in five years. Not in ten years. Not the day when he would die, which maybe wasn't even longer than ten years.

To be honest, Jere didn't exactly know how Bojan's world looked like. Of course, he knew it was happier, easier, more colourful, and way better than his own world. But he had never actually asked about it or been there to have a real look at this other world.

There was no way up, the only way was leading down. Bojan could go to the parts of town were the poor people lived, they didn't do anything to him but just looked at him in disbelieve and were probably afraid he would use his power to harm them.

But if Jere tried to go to the other parts of town...

It surely wouldn't end well. There simply was no way to make him look like he belonged there. Not even if he was wearing rich people's clothes.

Probably, this was the reason why his boyfriend had always been the one visiting him and had never even talked about any other possibilities. He had never asked whether Jere would want to visit him at his home because the risk would have been so much higher and it simply would have been stupid to take it.

"Jere? Are you okay?" Jean interrupted his thoughts. "Do you not like it?"

Jere looked at him and then at his own plate where still some food was left that he hadn't eaten yet. "Oh no no, I like. I like very much, yes yes."

He rather liked it too much.

Quickly, Jere continued eating before anyone could take his food away. He didn't want anybody to think he didn't like the meal or he wasn't thankful to get something to eat. Because he was thankful. And it was way too delicious to be not eaten.

"You don't have to prove it to us, you know."

Jere frowned. "Pruuf?" What did David mean?

"No need to eat as fast as you can to show us how much you like the food."

"Oh. Yes yes." Now he understood. "But I like... oikeesti. I just... think much... too much, yes. But okay." Jere smiled slightly. "Good, yes yes."

"Yeah, it's good." Sean agreed. "Honestly, the best I've ever eaten."

"Yes yes, best." Jere nodded. He wasn't alone. He wasn't the only one who couldn't afford a breakfast like that, Sean couldn't either. David and Jean, who were nodding, couldn't either.

Probably, no third class passenger could.

However, Jere didn't want to think about that anymore. He wanted to enjoy the time on board. He wanted to be happy about this chance instead of being sad that this wasn't his everyday life.

"What you do in America?"

Sean shrugged. "Looking for work. Trying to make a living."

Jere frowned, thinking. Make living? Life? Make life?

"To earn the money we need to live."

"Oh, yes yes." Quickly, Jere nodded. "I want too." And he wanted to stay with his boyfriend.

"Are you travelling alone?" Jean looked at Jere.

"Yes, alone." It technically wasn't even a real lie, was it?

"Do you have relatives there? In America?"

Confused, Jere looked at David. "I not know."

"Someone who is part of your family? Parents? Father? Mother? Brother? Uncle?"

Oh, now Jere got it. "No, not America. My brother in England."

"Or maybe some friends? Anyone you know?"

Jere shook his head. "No." He knew Bojan, at least kind of, but that surely didn't count. "You know?"

Jean shrugged. "We know each other. But no one else." That was at least more than Jere had.

David nodded. "We'll have to get to know other people, make friends there." Yes, sure, Jere would try to do the same, but in his case, it just wouldn't work, because unlike the three others, he couldn't even speak English.

Nobody would want to be his friend.

Nobody would want him to work for them.

"Don't worry, Jere, you will find some friends there, I'm sure." How could they be so optimistic?

"And maybe, we'll see you again?"

Jere smiled. "Yes, I hope. You good people."

Later, when Jere was walking around on the ship again, he ended up in the third class general room, where he spotted four familiar faces. A group of men he had met the day before.

They were from... What was the city called again? Tsälje?

Walking towards them, Jere strongly hoped they still remembered him. If they didn't, he would really embarrass himself now. "Hello."

The men turned their heads to look at him. "Oh, hello. Jere, yes?"

Relieved, Jere nodded. "Yes yes, Jere."

They moved a little on the bench to make space for Jere. "You want sit?"

"Oh yes, thank you." Jere smiled, sitting down. "What you do? I not see you outside."

Zala laughed. "With stairs, yes?"

Jere grinned. "Yes yes, you not go stairs, I know."

Filip nodded, smirking. "And you just look."

"I look, yes yes, but nothing see. No stairs." Jere shrugged. "Maybe you go night. People sleep."

"Not all people. One look where ship go."

"Yes yes." Jere nodded. "Because not bum and ship... rikki."

"No no, ship good. Varna."

"Yes yes." Jere agreed. "I know. Good big ship."

"Hm, but... Prav imaš. If go stairs, night good."

Jere smirked. "Yes yes, I say."

Gašper shook his head. "Ne, ne. We no go, we sleep night."

Jere nodded. "I sleep night too."

"Good."

For some moments, it was quiet, and Jere tried to think about something he could say. "I know still word."

Confused, Žiga frowned. "Word?"

"Word 'I love you'. What you say."

"Oh, that, yes. You say you friend know slovenščina, yes?"

Jere nodded. "Yes, he speak."

"And..." Filip was thinking. "You want say friend you love?" He laughed in disbelief. Oh.

"No, I... not say." Oh yes yes, he wanted to be able to tell his boyfriend that he loved him in his language. He would also like to know more about the language. And even more important, he wanted to know more about Bojan.

But of course, he couldn't tell that to the men. He had to come up with something else rapidly. "I not know good word, I say first word I know." He smiled sheepishly, knowing very well that it was a lie but hoping they wouldn't notice. "Maybe you tell other word I say, yes?"

"Okay, maybe..." Zala thought about it. "Good day?"

"Oh, yes yes, good day good." Jere nodded enthusiastically. "What you say?"

"Dober dan."

Jere tried to repeat the words, and according to the others, he did quite well. "Yes, good!"

"Thank you." Jere smiled happily. "What 'thank you'? "

"Hvala."

"Kvala?"

"Hvala. With h."

Oh, that sounded difficult. Jere tried to repeat the letter several times. "H-va-la?"

Satisfied, Filip nodded. "Yes."

Jere smiled. "I not forget. Word stay here." He pointed at his head.

He really wanted to say the words he had learned to Bojan. He hoped his boyfriend would like it and maybe be proud of him for learning those words. He hoped that for at least once, he would feel a little less stupid. But at the same time, he wasn't sure whether he would actually dare saying the words.

Because he was terribly afraid that perhaps Bojan would not like it. There was a reason why his boyfriend didn't talk about topics like that, wasn't there?

In the end, Jere would only embarrass himself.

As if his appearance wasn't already embarrassing enough.

In the evening, Jere wanted to go to the gate to see Bojan. Just like they had agreed to do the day before. He had been looking forward to this the whole day, hoping very much that his boyfriend would show up too.

However, when Jere was walking down the corridor leading to the gate, he soon realized that this evening wouldn't end the way he had hoped it would. In the corridor, there were many people standing around, looking into the direction of the gate.

Passengers and crew members. And...

Oh no, one of them looked very familiar to him. Too familiar. Jere was very sure it was the man who had seen him standing at the gate the day before.

A person Jere definitely hadn't wanted to see again.

But the worst thing was that he couldn't go there now. He couldn't meet Bojan. Even if he made it to the gate, he wouldn't be allowed to stay there long enough for his boyfriend to show up. And even if he stood at the gate and Bojan was there too, it wouldn't be possible to have a conversation. Too many people were looking. Too many people were listening.

It was hopeless.

It didn't make any sense to try to get to the gate. He could only hope that his boyfriend, if he came to the gate, would understand why he wasn't there. That Bojan wouldn't think Jere didn't want to see him anymore.

Because he did want to see him. So badly.

He wanted those people in the corridor to go away. He wanted those gates to disappear. He wanted the world to be a different one. Better. Fairer. Accepting.

He didn't demand people to like Bojan and him being a couple. He didn't demand their support. The only thing he wanted was to be allowed to love. To be happy with his boyfriend. So, why couldn't people just look away and let them be?

Right now, all eyes were on something over there at the end of the corridor. Nobody was looking at Jere. Nobody cared about what he was doing. But Jere had no idea what he should do now. He didn't feel like going to any gathering spaces. He didn't feel like talking to other people. He didn't feel like even seeing others.

But he didn't feel like sitting in his cabin and staring at the wall either.

So, he decided to go for a walk at the third class open deck space. Fresh air wasn't a bad idea, was it? Hopefully, it would make him able to think clearly. And at least, he would have something to distract him.

The sun had sunk, and it was dark outside. A few lamps immersed the deck in gloomy light, throwing dark shadows on the floor. The wind was blowing, and Jere shivered. It was cold. Maybe he should have put on warmer clothes.

However, it was too late now, he was already here and he wouldn't go back to his cabin to change. It wasn't that cold anyway. He had survived way worse.

Nobody was on deck, which wasn't surprising. Probably, everyone was either sleeping or somewhere in the gathering spaces. Having fun.

Surely, Bojan was having fun.

With his friends. Without Jere. As he should.

Jere stepped to the railing and looked down at the sea. He couldn't see much. It was just pitch dark. And surely freezing. It would be horrible to fall down into the water. A nightmare. Nobody would see it. Nobody would notice. He would just quietly disappear.

Shaking his head at himself, he took a step back. What was he thinking about? He wouldn't fall down. There was a railing, he couldn't just stumble and fall off the ship.

Slowly, he walked along the railing as if there was anything worth to be seen. Jere didn't know how long he had been staring into the darkness when he suddenly noticed a movement upstairs in the second class area.

He turned his head to have a closer look at the person who seemingly wanted to freeze here outside too. In the dim light, he could see that it wasn't just one crazy person. No, there were two people walking into his direction.

And...

No. That wasn't possible, was it?

Jere's heart skipped a beat. One of them looked just like Bojan. The lights on deck didn't reach far but the longer Jere stared at the man over there the more clearly he saw it. However, it couldn't be him, could it?

Could it?

Was it actually him? Was Bojan actually standing there with one of his friends? Or was Jere just imaging things? Was he missing his boyfriend so much that he was getting crazy about it?

Jere stopped walking and kept looking at the second class area. The wind blew some words over to him as the men up there were quietly talking to each other and heading to the railing between the second class space and the stairs leading down to the third class area where Jere was standing.

Now, they seemed to have seen him too. The one looking like Bojan stared back at Jere for several seconds, and now Jere was sure that it actually was his boyfriend. Because there was something between them. Something he couldn't describe but feel so clearly. And who else would even spend a second to look at him?

Then, the other man nudged Bojan and the latter quickly looked away. Maybe Jere should leave the open deck space and go back to his cabin. Standing here, he would only cause problems. For both of them.

However, he couldn't go. His feet just wouldn't move. He couldn't even turn his head away; an invisible force kept him looking at the two men upstairs.

They were talking now. Or rather, the friend was talking and Bojan was nodding slowly, looking at Jere again. What were they talking about? Him? Bojan had recognized him too, hadn't he?

After a few seconds, the friend turned around and walked away. Bojan kept looking down at Jere, and Jere wished so much he could just go to him. He wished he could kiss him. Hug him. Just hold his hand.

Or at least talk to him.

But he knew, he couldn't. He couldn't go upstairs. He couldn't touch his boyfriend. He couldn't talk to him. He couldn't ask him about his day or how he was feeling. He couldn't apologize for not having been able to come to the gate.

He could only stare at him, and even that was risky.

At any time, someone could come and see them. See them staring at each other. Oh, it should be harmless, shouldn't it? But it wasn't. People saw what they wanted to see and they wouldn't like it.

Jere had heard it a million times, he shouldn't look at the rich people, they had better things to do than to care about him. He wasn't allowed to disturb them; he had to keep his stupid eyes away.

It was too dark to see the expression in Bojan's face but Jere hoped he was happy to see him. Because Jere definitely was. He enjoyed every moment with his boyfriend, even with this distance between them, and he hoped Bojan felt the same. If he didn't want to see him, he would have turned around and left, wouldn't he?

Just like his friend, who was coming back now with two more men. Oh, those people were friends too, weren't they? Hopefully. Please.

Bojan turned towards the men, who were saying something to him. They weren't security guards, were they? They weren't here to harm them, were they?

The men stopped next to Bojan at the railing and looked down at the third class area. Jere couldn't see their expressions, he could only hope that they didn't want anything bad for him.

Did they know who he was?

Had Bojan told them? And if he had... What did they think about their friend's relationship? What did they think about Jere? Probably nothing good, right? There was no way they understood, was there?

Honestly, Jere didn't understand it himself. He didn't get how Bojan could like him. How Bojan could really want someone like him. And for sure, Bojan's friends could understand it even less. How should they? There was no reason to like Jere, especially if one wasn't as poor and ugly as him.

Luckily, it was dark right now, so the men probably couldn't see much more than his outlines. However, the information that he was a third class passenger was probably all they needed to know what kind of person he was.

Not a good one.

The men were still looking at him, and Jere started feeling uncomfortable. He should go. He should leave the deck and go back to his cabin. What was he even doing here? There was nothing he could do. Nothing but getting himself into trouble.

Forcing himself to be reasonable, Jere threw a last look at Bojan before he turned around and walked to the door leading back inside, needing all his strength to keep himself from turning back and looking at his boyfriend again.

When Jere was lying in his bed, the thoughts were still running though his head. Having seen Bojan and his friends today gave him mixed feelings. Of course, he was happy to have seen his boyfriend. He always was, but he also was sad that it had only been from the distance.

And he wasn't sure what he should think about Bojan's friends having seen him. He was happy for his boyfriend to have those friends. Of course, he was, but to be honest, he also was scared of what they might think and do now.

Stop, they were Bojan's friends.

They were good people who didn't want to cause harm, weren't they?

Maybe Jere would get to know them one day. Maybe he even was curious to get to know them. Some day. If they wanted to meet him. If Bojan wanted them to meet him.

However, now wasn't the time. Now he had to get some sleep. Or at least try to do so.

Hopefully, he would be able to meet his boyfriend at the gate the following day. Hopefully, they would be able to talk. At least for a few minutes. Or a few seconds.

The next day started with a breakfast just as delicious as the previous one. It was hard to believe but this actually seemed to be the normal third class food on board. If only it could be this easy every day in Jere's life. If only there was something for him to eat every morning when he woke up.

It didn't need to be as varied and delicious as the breakfast on board. It didn't need to be something special. Just anything for him to eat. And for Mikke.

Oh, if only his brother was here. If only Jere could have his brother and his boyfriend close to him. He missed them both so much. If anyone let him choose between living alone in luxury on this boat and living with his boyfriend and his brother somewhere in a tiny little room, he wouldn't have to think twice.

However, that choice didn't exist. Nobody would ever ask him what he wanted. His opinion wasn't important. It simply didn't matter. He didn't matter.

In the dining saloon, Jere met the German group again. The five men immediately recognized him, looking happy to see him again. "Hello." "Morgen, Jere."

"Morning, yes?" That was what they had said, wasn't it?

Klaas nodded. "Yes, morning. Good morning."

Jere smiled. "Good morning. And good... good eat? What word?"

"I know no." Niklas shrugged. "No English."

Gerrit nodded. "But we say 'guten Appetit'. On German."

Jere tried to repeat the words. "Gud Aptit?"

Gerrit shook his head. "No. Guten."

"Gut en?"

"Yes. Guten Appetit."

"Apentit?" Questioningly, Jere looked at the men.

"Appetit."

"Ape-tit?"

Niklas nodded. "Yes, good!"

"Guten." Jere repeated. That word meant good, didn't it?

Gerrit smiled. "Yes yes, good good. What say you? In Finland?"

"Hyvää ruokohalua."

"What?" The Germans looked at him as if he had just told them people in Finland didn't eat at all.

"Hyvää ruokohalua." Jere repeated the words, more slowly this time.

"Hüä uohaua."

"No no no." Jere shook his head. "Hyvää."

"Hüwääää."

"Yes yes. Now ruokohalua."

"Ukohala."

"No." Jere shook his head. "Ruoko."

"Ruo-ko."

"Halua."

"Ha-lu-a."

"Yes." Jere nodded. "Ruokohalua."

"Ruo-ko-ha-lu-a."

"Yes, good." Jere smiled happily. "Perfect, yes yes."

"Danke." Klaas grinned. "I hope you no ask later. I know no later."

Jere laughed. "That okay. I say again."

Klaas smiled. "You good friend."

Gerrit nodded, agreeing. "Yes, good see you. What do you day? How go you?"

"Go?" Jere frowned, not understanding. "Where?"

"No, no where. How you..." Gerrit searched for words. "Good? Sad?"

"Feel." Niklas helped his friend. "How feel you?"

"Oh, good." Jere nodded. "I good."

He was scared of what might come and he was missing his brother and his boyfriend badly but he was alright. He was lucky to be here. He had no right to complain. And he couldn't tell the truth anyway.

"And you? You all?" Jere looked around. "Good?"

"Yes, good good." They nodded, smiling. "Good ship, good bed, good sleep, good eat, good we."

"Only no good English." Gerrit laughed.

Jere shrugged, smiling. "I not good English too."

"But we understand."

"I understand too." Jere agreed. "That all need."

He wished he could speak English properly. Not for the Germans, who probably wouldn't understand him any better if he did, but for his boyfriend. He wished he could just make the language barrier between them disappear.

"Yes." Klaas spoke up. "All need now. But in Amerika speak English."

Jere nodded. "Yes yes, you right. I want learn. I try but not easy."

"Absolut not easy, yes." Niklas agreed, thinking. "We need work with no speak."

Yes, they definitely did. But in the first place, they would need to find a job at all.

If there would be one.

"What you work in Finland?"

"Öö... I..." Shamefacedly, Jere looked down, searching for words. "I not in Finland. When I child, I in Finland, but go England with my brother." And there, he hadn't had a job.

"And you speak in England?"

"I speak my brother. Finnish. But my brother, he speak good English, he very älykäs... smart. I try learn but I not smart."

As he said the last sentence, Bojan's words came to his mind. That Jere should stop calling himself stupid. But honestly, what else should Jere say? He was just telling the truth. And right now, his boyfriend couldn't hear it anyway since he wasn't here.

Sadly.

No. Luckily for Bojan.

Because Bojan was where he belonged. He was in the second class area. With his friends. Enjoying the voyage. Carefreely. As he should.

When Jere stepped outside on the open deck space in the afternoon, he couldn't help but think about the day before when he had seen Bojan standing only a few meters away from him at the railing. When he closed his eyes, he could still see his boyfriend looking back at him.

Raising his head, Jere looked at the second class space. At the railing where Bojan and his friends had been standing the day before, there was now a family looking at the sea.

The man, assumably the father, was smoking. The little boy was holding on to the railing and trying to climb it, and Jere was afraid that he would fall down to the third class space and get hurt badly.

The woman was holding a baby and looking at the sea until her eyes caught the boy climbing the railing. Startled, she ran to him as fast as she could, reprimanding him and pulling him away from the railing.

The boy started crying. A few other people on deck turned their head and watched. The man shook his head in annoyance and took a few steps away. The woman tried to calm her son down but it didn't really work. The little boy kept crying until the family decided to go.

Jere watched them leave, and for some moments he kept looking at the place where they had been standing. The place where Bojan had been standing the day before.

If only his boyfriend was standing there now. If only he went on deck now. But of course, Bojan didn't suddenly appear. And no matter for how long Jere kept staring, he wouldn't appear.

Shaking his head at himself, Jere turned around to walk away. He had to go. Just anywhere away from the second class. Away from the stupid thought that Bojan would come here.

Away from the unrealistic hope that they could be happy together.

Just away and back to reality.

In a corner of the third class open deck space, Jere's eyes caught a man sitting alone on the floor, leaning against the foundation of one of the two cranes on the poop deck. He looked very young, for sure younger than Jere, almost still a boy. Was he travelling alone too?

Unsure whether he should talk to the man or better leave him alone, Jere slowly stepped closer to the crane. He didn't want to disturb him if he was enjoying the peace. But maybe he actually wanted someone to talk to but just hadn't found anyone yet?

As Jere reached the crane's foundation, the man raised his head towards him. He looked curious, not annoyed or upset at all. Jere smiled friendly. "Hello. Speak you English?"

The man smiled back and nodded. "Yes."

"I sit?" Jere pointed at the floor next to him. "Or you want... I not know English. Olla rauhassa?"

The man pointed next to himself. "You sit."

"Thank you." Jere let himself sink down. "I Jere."

"Jann."

"You alone ship?"

"Yes." Jann nodded. "You?"

"Alone too." Alone in his cabin, alone in this class. Alone, yes.

"Where you?"

Jere looked at him again. "I from Finland. North. You?"

"Polska."

Jere thought about the word but he couldn't remember having heard it before. "Where?"

Jann looked at the sea. "No easy say. Not here now. It… go… Rosja."

"Russia?"

Jann nodded slowly.

"Oh." Jere paused, thinking. "Finland too. Part maybe. People say part. But we Finland people. Own thing."

Jann nodded. "Yes, we too. Own people. But… no home."

For several minutes, they kept silently looking at the sea, both lost in their thoughts. In front of his inner eye, Jere could see pictures of his childhood. Him with his parents and Mikke at home in Finland. Him and his brother collecting firewood in the forest. He could only imagine what Jann meant by having no home.

He really missed his parents. It had been hard to realize that he would never see them again. That he would fall asleep and wake up multiple times but they would never be there. Never again.

That he was alone. Alone with his brother, who now also was hundreds of kilometres away in England. And Jere didn't know if he would ever see him again.

To interrupt his own thoughts, Jere turned his head towards Jann again. "You go stay America?"

"Yes, I want work. No work… home."

Jere nodded. "I too. I live England but no work."

"England?"

"Yes. My brother and I England because we want work." He tried to explain. "My brother work but I no work."

"Where brother?"

"He England now. He want come Amerika too but he work now."

"Oh no."

"Yes yes." Jere swallowed. He missed his brother badly. "He come later he say."

Jann smiled understandingly. "Hope."

Jere nodded. "I hope. I miss he."

"Yes, I know. I have much brother and sister. Family good."

"Yes yes, good and impor… important. Alone sad."

"Yes." Jann nodded. "You child in family. Brother, sister, rodzice. You say goodbye, and have own family and child."

Jere looked down, studying the floor. Usually, yes. Most people grew up in a family and then got married and started their own families. But not Jere.

No, Jere had started growing up in a family and ended up alone with his brother, looking for work in a country far away. He hadn't met a pretty girl and gotten married, he had met a wonderful boy and fallen in love with him.

They were dating, but he would never be allowed to marry his boyfriend, and they would never be able to have children. They would always stay alone, hiding from the police and hoping not to be caught. Forever.

If their relationship was strong enough to last at all.

"Oh, no want?" Jann snapped him out of his thoughts, misinterpreting his reaction. "That okay too, yes."

"No no, just… not easy." Jere smiled sadly. It wasn't that he didn't want, it simply wasn't possible.

The only way Bojan and him could have a child was if someone gave their child to them. But who would do that? They wouldn't even be able to give anything to the child. Before he could start thinking about children, he had to make sure that Bojan and him were safe. Which they were absolutely not.

No, thinking about starting a family didn't make sense at all.

In the evening, Jere tried to meet Bojan again. Nervously, he walked along the corridor, towards the gate. He hoped so much it would be possible today. He needed to see his boyfriend, he needed to talk to him, to hear his voice. He needed to touch him, he needed to know he was still there.

When Jere reached the gate, his heart skipped a beat. Behind the metal bars, he could see Bojan. His boyfriend was actually standing there, waiting for him. A beautiful smile spread on Bojan's face as his eyes met Jere, and Jere couldn't help but smiling back. Quickly, he took the last few steps to the gate. "Bojan, you here."

"Of course, I am."

"You wait long? I... I excuse." Jere felt bad for letting his boyfriend wait. Bojan surely had better things to do than standing there.

"No, no need to. I haven't been waiting for long, and last time, you were the one waiting."

"Yes, but okay if I waiting." Jere on the other hand didn't have anything to do, he was just glad and lucky that his boyfriend was still coming to see him.

"It's also okay if I am the one waiting, Jere. If we don't reach the gate at exactly the same time, one has to wait, but that's no problem. Please stop worrying."

"Okay." Jere nodded, although not fully convinced. "I miss you."

"I've missed you too." Bojan smiled. "And I have news!"

"News?" That wasn't something bad, was it?

"Yeah. Look what I have here!" Bojan reached into his pocket and took out a bunch of keys.

Jere frowned. "What that?"

"Keys." Bojan grinned. "And one of them should be able to open the gate."

"Really?" Jere's eyes grew wide.

"I hope so, yeah."

"But... where you...?"

"Oh, I just..." Bojan looked away. "I found it."

"Found?" Jere definitely didn't believe that, and he had a bad suspicion.

"You better not ask."

"You steal."

Bojan didn't dare to look at him, hesitating. "Maybe."

Jere stared at his boyfriend. "Not good. You… not steal."

"You shouldn't ask."

Desperately, Jere shook his head. "Steal thing bad, Bojan."

"Do you think I don't know that?" Bojan looked at him again. "Do you not want me to come over to you?"

"I want you come. But I not want you steal."

Bojan sighed. "Have you never stolen anything?"

His eyes widening in shock, Jere stared at Bojan. "Not ask that."

"I'm sorry, I..." Bojan reached through the metal bars and took Jere's hand in his. "Jere, I… Please forgive me, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm so sorry. I know you're right; I shouldn't steal and I promise I usually don't."

Jere sighed, not relieved at all. "But you do now. You bad person because me."

Bojan strongly shook his head. "No, Jere, that's not true. If you want to blame anyone, blame me, I'm the one making my decisions, and surely, they're not always the smartest ones but that's not your fault, okay?"

"Okay." Jere still wasn't so sure about that but he nodded.

Bojan smiled slightly. "Now, let's open the gate, yeah?"

Jere knew it technically wasn't a good idea. To be honest, it was a really bad idea. There were so many points where this plan could fail, it simply was way too risky.

But still, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop Bojan. He didn't want to stop him because he wanted him to come over. He wanted to spend time with his boyfriend so much. He needed him.

That was why Jere threw all reason overboard and nodded, smiling. "Yes, you open and come my cabin."

Chapter Text

After Bojan had finally opened up and talked to Martin about his relationship and his fears, he had been able to sleep. To be more precise, he even had slept quite well.

He had been afraid that his friend would treat him differently if he knew his secret. That he would see a different person in Bojan. Perhaps one that couldn't be friends with him anymore.

But when they got up in the morning, Martin was just like always. He didn't suddenly tell Bojan to keep a security distance or to leave the cabin while Martin was changing clothes. He didn't even mention the talk they had had last night.

It was very unlikely that he had already forgotten it since it was definitely not something one would easily forget. Most probably, he simply didn't want to put pressure on him and thought Bojan would say something if he wanted help.

Bojan was endlessly thankful for that.

He was so relieved that Martin still saw him as the friend he had been before last night. That Martin was trying to understand him instead of pushing him away.

He could only hope that the rest of his friends would react the same way. That it would end well if he told them about his boyfriend. But how should he tell them? When? Where?

Definitely not in the dining saloon during breakfast. Too many ears would be listening. Even though most people probably wouldn't understand what he was saying if he didn't say it in English there would still be way too many people.

It would be stupid to do it there. Endlessly stupid. He definitely wouldn't do that. He probably would tell his friends to come to his cabin and then tell them there in peace and quiet.

Later.

Not yet. Not now.

Now, they were having breakfast. And the menu was good. Fresh and very varied. There were fruits, rolled oats, potatoes, different kinds of meat, scones, and much more. It was definitely better than most mornings at home. And it was great to sit down, not having to do anything, just enjoy the meal.

But unfortunately, Bojan couldn't fully enjoy it.

All the time, he had to think about Jere and about how he could explain it to his friends. How he could make them accept it. How he could make that talk end well.

He was terribly scared. Scared that he would lose them all. And maybe even Martin if he would follow the others instead of being on Bojan's side.

Bojan wouldn't be able to blame him for that.

He knew his point of view was hard to understand. It was almost impossible if one wasn't in his place. What he was doing wasn't rational, it wasn't reasonable. It was crazy and illegal.

But still, Bojan wasn't willing to end it.

He wouldn't break up with Jere. Never. Despite the law. Despite his parents wanting him to marry some girl. Not if his friends told him to break up. Not until Jere wanted him to break up, which would hopefully never happen.

"Bojči, what's wrong?" Jure snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Oh... nothing." Bojan quickly shook his head.

"Sure? You've already been like this yesterday. Lost in your thoughts all the time, looking worried."

"It's nothing." It was a lie and Bojan knew it.

Jure shook his head, not believing one word. "Yeah, sure. Nothing at all."

Now Martin spoke up. "Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. Let him be." No, Bojan did want to talk, he just didn't know how.

"I just want to help, you know."

"Thanks, but it's alright. I don't need help." At least not that kind of unhelpful help he feared to receive.

"If you say so..." Jure shrugged, putting his attention on the food again.

Bojan continued eating too, still thinking about a good strategy for the talk. Maybe he should start with the fact that he wasn't single anymore? Maybe he should tell them today?

He knew he wasn't being inconspicuous; his friends could see that something wasn't alright. That he was worrying about something. And they were asking.

He could feel Martin's eyes on him. His friend probably knew what he was thinking about. He knew Bojan's secret and he knew that he wanted to tell the others. Maybe he could help somehow?

After breakfast, when they were walking back to their cabins, Jan suggested playing cards. "We could go to the library, and maybe someone also wants to write a letter."

"Good idea." Kris and Martin agreed.

Jure and Nace nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"I..." Bojan hesitated. He wanted to tell them in a quiet moment. Alone. The library wasn't a good place for that either.

"I..." He felt all eyes on him, staring in confusion. That was when he gave up, choosing the safer way. "Okay, let's go."

The plan of telling them wasn't cancelled, it was just postponed. He would tell them. Later. Maybe in the evening. Or some other time. But he would tell them.

"Yeah, let's go." Jure nodded, walking into the direction of the library.

Kris, Jan and Nace followed him. Martin threw a look at Bojan. Not knowing what he should say, Bojan just shrugged. He wanted to tell them but right now just wasn't the moment.

He ended up in the library, writing a letter to his parents. Or rather trying to write it since the paper was still completely empty. Just like his mind.

He had no idea what he should write. Maybe something about the ship? Something about the sea? About the food? The weather?

However, none of these was something he really cared about. The ship was impressing and glamourous but the only thing that mattered was that it would bring them all to America quickly and without trouble.

In addition, he would have been so much happier in a simple, small and ugly ship if only he could be with Jere. However, that was nothing he could write in a letter to his parents. If he did that, it surely would be his last.

He hadn't even told his friends, who with some luck wouldn't react that badly. How his parents would react though was absolutely predictable, and he didn't want to think about it.

Looking at the white paper, he realized that he still hadn't written anything. Maybe he could at least add today's date. 11. of April 1912. Yeah, that was at least something. But it wasn't a letter yet. Nothing worth to be sent.

After staring at the paper for a while as if the sentences would appear all by their own, he gave up. He wouldn't find the right words now. His mind was way too full of other things.

Full of worries about the talk he had to have with his friends. Full of looking for a way to get to the third class area. Full of Jere.

That was why he got up and walked past his friends, who were playing cards. "I need some fresh air."

Jan and Martin simply nodded.

"Okay." Kris looked at him for maybe half a second before his eyes were back on the cards in his hand. "Try not to catch a cold."

Bojan didn't answer but just silently continued walking to the door, making his way outside. Of course, he didn't want to catch a cold. And he hopefully wouldn't.

It was cold outside, the wind was blowing through his hair, and he was glad to have his jacket to keep him warm. Did Jere have some warm clothes too? He didn't have to freeze in the cold, had he?

That was something Bojan didn't want to think about. He hated his mind for picturing his boyfriend in only a thin shirt standing in the snow, shivering from the cold, freezing and slowly becoming blue and stiff before he...

No! Stop! Stop, stop, stop!

Bojan would not let that happen. He had to ask Jere whether he had warm clothes, really warm clothes, and if he didn't, he would buy him some. Yeah, that was a good plan. He would definitely do that.

Walking around, Bojan couldn't help but look if he could see his boyfriend anywhere. Maybe he was lucky and Jere just happened to be on deck too? Anywhere near him? Bojan wished he was.

However, luck wasn't on his side. Jere was nowhere to be seen. Of course not, there were so many places where he could be and so many times of the day when he possibly could go outside, it simply was so unlikely that they would see each other. Almost impossible.

And Bojan should think about his letter instead of dreaming of his boyfriend. He should finally find some words he could write to his parents. Words that told something but not too much. If only he knew what to write.

Okay, so...

Something about the ship. It was interesting to see the world's largest ship. It had been impressing to stand at the port and see it. The ship was like a huge town, swimming in the ocean.

And inside, it was even more beautiful. The cabins were comfortable, the smoking room was great, the food was fantastic... if one wasn't too lost in one's thoughts to focus on it.

The view on the promenade decks was amazing. Well, it could be even better if... No! He was trying to write a letter to his parents, not about Jere.

And the library was great too. A nice place to play cards. A good place to write letters. If only one knew what to write. And the books were interesting. Surely, they were. If only Bojan had read any of them.

But whatever… As if he actually cared about those dispensable things.

Okay, he liked to read books, that was true. But he had wanted to travel on the same ship as Jere, that had been all. That was why he had chosen the Titanic. And he still didn't care whether it was the largest or the most luxurious ship. Or just the most regular one. He didn't...

Again, nothing he could write in that letter.

So… He continued walking, quietly muttering to himself. Something about the ship, the different public areas, the sea, maybe the weather. Definitely nothing about Jere.

He stopped at the side railing, looking at the sea. It was... How could he describe it? Blue. Yeah, how creative. Cold. Yeah, sure. And beautiful.

"Dobro jutro. Uh... Govorite li srpski?"

"What?" Startled, Bojan turned around.

There was a man standing behind him, looking at him. Had he been there all the time? Had Bojan just not seen him because he had been too lost in his thoughts?

"Umm… I thought you were speaking Serbian but I guess I got it wrong. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." With these words, the man turned away.

"No, wait." Bojan stopped him. "I don't know whether I've been speaking right now, probably I was saying my thoughts aloud but technically I do speak Serbian."

The man turned back towards him, smiling friendly. "Oh, that's nice. Me too. I'm Luka."

"Bojan."

"Nice to meet you, are you from Serbia too?"

"Umm... I..." That question was more difficult than one would think. "I guess not..."

Confused about the cryptic answer, Luka frowned. "But you speak Serbian."

"Da." Bojan could have told him that in fact it was his first language and that he spoke it with his parents, but he didn't.

"Okay. Umm..." Luka seemed unsure whether he should try to keep this conversation going or better leave quickly.

Looking at the man, Bojan realized that maybe he had sounded a bit impolite. His short answers must have sounded like he wanted Luka to leave him alone as quickly as possible, which wasn't true. Luka seemed to be a good person, kind and friendly, surely, someone he could have a good time with.

"Eh..." Bojan tried to think of something he could say to fix this situation. "Are you travelling alone?"

"Da." Luka nodded.

"I'm travelling with my friends. They are at the library, playing cards. Or at least, they were when I left to go outside. Do you want to come along?"

Luka hesitated. "Would that be okay? I don't want to disturb."

"Of course, it would!" Bojan nodded. "And I'm sure my friends will welcome you too."

"Oh, thank you." Luka smiled. "That's very kind of you. I'd love to."

"I'll show you where they are. Or where they should be if they haven't left me alone." Bojan laughed. "And if they have... well, I wouldn't be alone now, would I?"

"No, you won't." Luka laughed too.

"Perfect." Bojan made his way to the door leading back inside.

"Oh, one thing..." He looked back over his shoulder at Luka, who was following him. "They don't speak Serbian. You should speak either Slovenian or English."

"Okay." Luka nodded.

They walked down the stairs and entered the library, where Bojan instantly spotted his friends still sitting around a table and playing cards.

They were too focused on the game to notice the two men approaching. After a few seconds, Bojan reached the table, now speaking Slovenian to his friends. "I'm back."

Jure just nodded, barely looking at him. It was his turn now and he had to focus on the cards. Martin looked at Bojan and then also noticed Luka. Curious, he threw a questioning glance at Bojan.

Quickly, Bojan shook his head. No, Luka was not his boyfriend. His boyfriend wasn't here, and he couldn't just bring him here, that wouldn't work. Especially not if his friends still didn't know and therefore would ask questions.

Kris grinned at him. "Did you find words for your letter? Were there enough words running around on deck?"

Bojan rolled his eyes. "No, but I found a new friend. And he isn't as annoying as you are." He stepped aside, so Luka could talk to his friends.

"Umm… I'm Luka, and… I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Oh, don't worry, you're not." Jan smiled friendly.

"Yeah, just take a seat. I'm Martin."

"Jure." "Jan." "Nace."

"I'm Kris. Do you like playing cards? You could participate in the next round if you like. And of course, you too, Bojan."

Luka smiled widely. "I would love to!"

Bojan looked at the pen and the empty, white paper, which was still lying where he had left it. "Umm..." He wasn't sure whether his walk had actually helped him to find the right words.

But at least, he had found a new friend.

In the end, Bojan didn't continue writing the letter. Today's date had to be enough for the moment. Instead, he played cards with his friends and Luka. They got along really well; Luka was such a nice and fun person. It felt like time was flying, and suddenly, it was already time to eat dinner.

When they said goodbye to Luka after dinner, their new friend told them his cabin number. "I hope I'll see you again soon."

"Sure." Bojan nodded confidently, and his friends agreed.

When Luka left, the others were heading towards their cabins. Deep in thoughts, Bojan looked at his friends. Maybe he could ask them all to come to his and Martin's cabin now, so he could tell them? If he didn't do it now, would he do it at all?

"I... umm..." He had to do this now. "Could you maybe... come to our cabin later? Or now? I... eh..." Searching for help, he looked at Martin, who nodded encouragingly. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh. Has something happened?" Jan sounded worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." Bojan nodded. At least, now he was. Maybe he wouldn't be anymore in some minutes. When his friends knew and... wouldn't be happy for him. Not at all.

"So, it… isn't that bad? What is it about?"

"Uh… I'll tell you. But not here." Bojan looked along the corridor. Too many people. Too many possible listeners. Too many eyes to see how shocked his friends would be.

"Yeah, sure." His friends nodded, understanding. After all, it would be way more comfortable for everybody if they weren't just standing in the corridor.

A minute later, they reached the cabin where Bojan and Martin were staying. Martin opened the door, letting them all in. Bojan let himself fall down on his bed. Kris and Martin sat down next to him on the bed, Jure moved a chair closer to the bed, and Jan and Nace sat down opposite him. Everybody was looking at Bojan, curiously waiting for what he might have to tell.

Bojan swallowed. Now, there was no way back anymore. Now, he had to tell them. Now, he had to take the consequences. Now, he would have to live with whatever their reactions would be. Now, everything would change.

"Umm... Yeah, I... I have to tell you something." Nervously, Bojan fiddled with the blanket on his bed.

"Yeah?" All eyes were on him.

"Please promise me you won't tell anyone."

Kris frowned. "What? Why?"

"Please just promise. I can't tell you if you don't promise it. And keep that promise."

"Okay, I promise." They nodded.

"Thank you." Bojan smiled slightly, searching for words.

"But what is this about? Why can't we tell it to anyone? Would you go to prison or what?" Surely, Kris had meant it as a joke. Of course, he had. But unfortunately, it just wasn't.

Bojan swallowed. "Probably."

"What?? Really?" Kris' eyes widened in shock.

Jan stared at him. "Don't tell me you killed someone."

Strongly, Bojan shook his head. "No, I did not kill someone."

"Good." He couldn't remember having ever seen his friends so relieved before. "But what did you do then?"

"I'm... I am..." Bojan's fingers clutched the blanket. "I'm in a relationship." He looked at his friends.

"Oh, that's good news, I'm happy for you." Jan didn't understand. Of course, he didn't, because how should he?

"Yeah! Since when?"

Bojan shook his head. "No, I... You don't understand. I don't have a girlfriend."

"Fiancé already?" No.

"Did you get married secretly?" Definitely not.

"No." Bojan shook his head and looked at the floor, feeling sick with fear.

"I don't get it." Of course, they didn't. How would they?

Bojan took a deep breath. "I have a boyfriend."

That was it. Now they knew. Now they could do with this information whatever they wanted. Now they could hate him and make life hell for him. Not only for him but also for Jere. And there was nothing he could do about it.

He didn't dare looking at his friends. He didn't want to see their shocked faces. He didn't want to read in their eyes that they hoped he was just joking. It had become completely silent. For what felt like forever, the only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat, sounding way too fast in his ears.

Finally, Kris broke the silence. "Oh, that's why you'd go to prison."

"Yeah." Bojan nodded. Exactly.

It was silent again. A heavy and uncomfortable silence, and Bojan wanted to run. He wanted to run away from his friends, from their surely accusing looks, from their reactions, from the police, from the law.

From all of his fears.

But he didn't. He couldn't escape. He needed to know what his friends were thinking. He needed to know if they hated him. He needed to know whether they would keep their promise or run to the police.

However, there was nothing but silence.

Complete silence for what felt like an eternity until Jure spoke up. "You're into men then?"

"I… yeah, I am." Bojan nodded, timidly lifting his head. "But not into one of you, don't worry."

Kris smirked. "Yeah. We're too ugly."

Bojan rolled his eyes. "That's not what I said." It was a good sign if Kris could already make jokes again, wasn't it?

"Kris, can you please be quiet?" Jan didn't sound amused. "I'm glad he isn't."

"Okay okay, I'm not saying anything."

Kris closed his mouth and the cabin went silent again. It was the worst kind of silence, pressing and uncomfortable. Bojan even wished Kris would make another stupid and annoying joke. Just anything to break this unbearable silence.

However, no one said a word, and Bojan had the feeling that he had to be the one to do it. "I'm sorry, I… I didn't want to get you in trouble. Really, I don't. And… I… I'm still the same person, you know… I'm not someone else than yesterday or before I had a boyfriend."

Jan shook his head, mumbling. "You are." Oh no.

Bojan froze. He wanted to answer something. He wanted to say something smart to convince his friend that in fact he was still the same person. And to prevent the others from agreeing with Jan on that point.

But his mind was blank. There was nothing he could say. Nothing at all. Nothing but fear.

Instead of him, Jure answered. "Okay, Jan, can you tell me since when he has a boyfriend then?"

"What?" Shocked, Jan stared at his friend. "I'm not his boyfriend!"

"No, but you said he's changed. So, when has he?" Provocatively, Jure looked back at him.

"I..." Jan shook his head in disbelief. "I don't know?"

Kris nodded. "Then, maybe you should be quiet now."

"We've all grown older. Of course, we're kind of changing." Martin tried to calm them down and settle the dispute. "But all the time."

"You're right." Jure agreed. "Even though you talk like we all were at least fifty years old."

Kris laughed. "Maybe he is. Our old, wise friend."

Martin shook his head. "Is it impossible to hold one serious conversation with you?"

"Sorry. No, I'm listening." Jure looked at Bojan again. "Please continue."

"Yeah, I'm..." What had he been saying? "I just wanted to tell you that. You don't have to understand... I just hope... please keep it to you. And don't blame... him. It's not that my boyfriend made me ill and now I'm into him or whatever."

Kris smirked. "I know, you've always been crazy."

Jure rolled his eyes. "And you've always been annoying, Kris." Then he turned towards Bojan. "Do we know him? Your boyfriend?"

Bojan shook his head. "No, you don't."

"But is he going to America too?"

"Yeah, he's on Titanic." That was what they wanted to know, wasn't it?

"Here?" Kris' eyes widened.

"On this ship, yeah." But unfortunately, not right here.

"Oh, what's his name?"

Bojan sighed. "Please don't try to find him."

"I'm just asking." Kris raised his hands in defence. "Does he like playing cards?"

Bojan shook his head. "I won't invite him."

"Why not? I won't kill him, don't worry."

If only it was that easy. "No, he can't come."

Jure frowned in confusion. "But you said he was here?"

"Maybe he doesn't want to?" Jan shrugged. "Let him stay where he is then."

Kris glared at him. "You don't need to meet him if you don't want to. Just stay in your bed, pull the bedsheets over your head, and pretend the world doesn't exist."

"No, Jan." Bojan shook his head. "It's not like that. He really can't come."

"But why not? What's the problem?"

"He's not..." Bojan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. With every word, he was only making things worse but still he answered the question honestly. "He's a third class passenger."

The statement made the silence come back in an instant. Like a cold blanket, it wrapped around them, making them freeze. Bojan didn't dare looking at his friends. Maybe Kris and Jure had been interested in meeting Jere before but now they surely weren't anymore.

Jure was the first one to speak again. "Is he dangerous?" The same question as Martin had asked the day before.

"No! He is not." Jere was rather shy and self-doubting, definitely not dangerous.

"Can I ask... How did you get to know him?"

"He lived in the same city."

"Wait." Jan stared at him. "You've been in the dangerous parts of town?"

Bojan shrugged. "It's not dangerous."

"Well... Maybe you just don't know what danger is. I heard a lot about those areas..."

"I know you have, but I've been there and those stories aren't true."

"No one robbing you? No one beating you up? No killers everywhere?"

"No, Kris." Bojan rolled his eyes. "Just tiny houses and little spaces in between. Many people but they were friendly. And not stupid."

"Okay, I get it. He's not the stupid, ugly, lazy, violent person we all have heard of."

"No, he isn't. And neither is his brother." If only Jere finally could belief him that. "But in general, we should not talk about things we have no idea about."

Jure smirked. "Oh, so smart today, Bojči? I thought that was Martin's job."

Bojan shrugged. "It's just true."

For a few moments, it was quiet, then Jan spoke up. "But... are you sure he means it?"

Bojan frowned. "Who means what?"

"This man. Your boyfriend. Are you sure he doesn't just want your money and then break your heart and run?"

Vigorously, Bojan shook his head. "He is not after my money!" How could one even think that about Jere?

Jan sighed. "Don't be naive. Every poor person wants money."

"But not every poor person is a thief." And Jere was not.

"How long have you known him?"

"Long enough. I know him."

"Sure, you know him. But well enough to..."

Angrily, Bojan looked at his friend. "I really know him! And you don't, so stop prejudicing him."

Jan raised his hands in defence. "I'm just worried about you."

"No need to be. Unless..." Bojan swallowed. "Unless you plan to report us to the police because you're more worried about my money than about me."

"I'm not going to report you! Don't think about me like that! I thought I was your friend..."

"You are my friend, Jan." Bojan paused. "As long as you still want to be."

"Of course, I want to be your friend! It's just... Look, if you had married a girl, there would be no risk, but this... it's different..."

"Well…" Kris shrugged. "A girl could also be mean and hurt him."

Jan rolled his eyes. "Am I the only one worrying? Jure's curious, Kris is... well, mostly annoying. Nace doesn't say anything. And what about you, Martin?"

"I already knew."

"Wow, great..."

"I told Martin last night, Jan. And if that pleases you, he also said it's risky. I know that."

"But he… knows it too?"

"My boyfriend? Of course, he does. I think he's even more aware of it than I am."

"If you say that." Jan didn't really sound convinced.

"He's not stupid, Jan. He knows. And he only told his brother, no one else. If there's one taking a risk by telling others, it's rather me because I'm telling it to all of you."

"But we can keep a secret." "Yeah, we will." "Of course." "Sure."

In this moment, Bojan realized that Nace was completely silent. That he hadn't said anything during the whole conversation. In the beginning, he had promised not to tell anyone, but after that, he hadn't shown any reaction, neither verbally nor by nodding or shaking his head. Not even now when all the others had again promised to keep the secret.

This couldn't be a good sign, could it?

Bojan needed to know.

"Nace?" He wanted to say something smart, something to convince him, but when his friend looked at him, listening, his mind went completely blank. There was not one word he could say.

Nace still remained silent. Did he not want to talk to Bojan anymore? Or did he just not know what to say either?

"You... I..." Even to Bojan's own ears his stammer sounded stupid and ridiculous. "I'm... I'm sorry." Wow, at least one short sentence.

"Hm." Nace shrugged. Not really helpful.

"What..." Bojan swallowed. "You've been so quiet... What are you thinking?" Holding his breath, he looked at Nace.

He was scared of the answer. What if his friend hated him now? What if he wouldn't keep his secret? What if he tried to find Jere? What if he wanted to hurt him?

"It's dangerous." That was all that Nace said.

And Bojan knew his friend was right. He knew it, but still he needed Jere and he was willing to do a lot to keep him. "I know the risk."

Unbelievingly, Nace shook his head. "No, you don't. It's illegal, it makes you a criminal, Bojan! Do you really think you're more powerful than the law?!"

"I..." Bojan looked at the floor. "I don't think I'm doing something wrong."

"Yeah, that's what you say, but do you really think any judge will agree with you?"

"I..." Bojan was sure the judges wouldn't. "No, I..."

"They won't care about what you think. They will throw you in prison with all the other criminals. With murderers, Bojan! Do you think they will like you? This is not a game!"

Bojan didn't dare to look at him. "I... I know."

"Do you? Do you realize what that means? You will lose everything! Maybe even your life."

Bojan swallowed. Yeah, he knew that could happen. He knew it, he had known it all the time, and he was afraid of punishment. But still, it didn't change the fact that he loved Jere and wanted to spend every second with him.

Nace noticed that Bojan wasn't answering. "Do you want that, Bojan? Do you want to die?!"

"Of course not!" Bojan strongly shook his head. "Of course, I want to live. But I want to live with him."

Nace shook his head in disbelief. "That's irrational and stupid."

Surely, his friend was right. There was no rational point speaking for him and Bojan had only one argument, but that one was reason enough for everything. "I love him."

Nace sighed. "I see… but there are so many girls, don't you think you can like one of them?"

"No." Bojan knew he wouldn't.

"Have you ever tried to?" What?

"No need to try. It doesn't work."

Now, Martin spoke up. "Nace, maybe he's just not into girls."

Nace sighed, apparently giving up. "So, you prefer being in an illegal relationship."

"I'm not hurting anyone."

"I know, but... is it really worth it?"

Bojan could only nod. "Of course, he's worth it. He's worth anything."

"You're hopeless." Nace shook his head. "I don't get it. I really don't, but you can trust me, I won't tell anyone. And..." He hesitated. "Well, he must be great I guess."

"Thank you." Bojan smiled slightly. "He really is."

"Can we know his name?"

Unsure, Bojan looked at Kris, who had asked the question. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"I don't plan to run around and ask for all names."

"Yeah, but…" Still hesitating, Bojan looked around. "Do you all want to know his name?"

Kris and Jure nodded. Jan shrugged. "It's your choice how much you want to tell us."

Martin agreed. "Yeah, of course, I'm curious and I'd like to know, but it's your boyfriend."

Nace shrugged. "We won't meet him, so we could just call him 'him'. But if you want to tell us, you can. I won't go and hurt him, don't worry."

"Okay." Bojan nodded. These were his friends, they had promised to keep his secret, they weren't interested in hurting Jere, they wouldn't use it against him. He could tell them, couldn't he? "His name is Jere."

"Jere?" Kris frowned. "Doesn't sound English."

"No." Bojan shook his head. "He's Finnish."

"Oh." Kris looked surprised. "But can he speak English?"

"Yeah, he can." Bojan nodded. "Not perfectly, but he can." The language barrier had never been a problem between them.

For a moment, it was quiet, then Jan spoke up. "And what... What are you planning to do now? Or when we arrive?"

"I don't know..." Bojan shrugged. "I want… I will stay with him, that's for sure. But I don't know... I don't know what will be possible there."

"So, you don't have a concrete plan?"

"I... No, I..." Maybe he should make one. He had to speak about it with Jere.

"You know, I don't know much about America either but I will help you if you want."

"Me too." "Yeah, sure."

"Thank you." Thankfully, Bojan smiled at Kris, Martin, and Jure.

"Of course." Martin smiled back. "I'm always there for you."

Kris nodded. "Me too. You can always come to me if you need help." Then, he smirked. "But well, maybe I can't help you with all kind of problems. You know, there are some things I just really don't know about." What? Oh... Oh.

"Kris!" Jan shook his head. Strongly, as if he tried to shake the pictures out of his mind. "There are some things I just really don't want to think about!"

Kris laughed, feigning innocence. "What? Your thoughts, not mine."

"Well..." Bojan could feel his face blush. "Thanks, Kris, I'm definitely not going to ask you... that. And please stop it now!"

Kris, Jure, Jan and Nace left the cabin shortly thereafter. When Jure had said he needed a smoke, Jan and Nace had quickly added that they needed some fresh air too. It had looked like they were only looking for a reason to leave.

Bojan could understand it, they were shocked and the whole atmosphere in the cabin had become… It was hard to describe but it definitely wasn't relaxed and happy anymore. It felt tense, scared, frustrated.

Just because he had a boyfriend. It was sad.

He got that his friends were worried; he honestly was worried too. He was scared of what might come in the future. He didn't want to lose his friends but he feared that he already was losing them.

Martin was sitting in his bed, looking at Bojan. "Do you want to talk?"

"I..." Bojan searched for the right words. "I'm just afraid. I mean Jure looked like he is okay with it. And I think Kris is okay with it too. But Jan and Nace... I don't know... They said they are just… worried and trying to be realistic. But I don't know. It's just... I'm scared."

Martin nodded, understanding, and Bojan continued. "I know it could have been a lot worse. I mean nobody told me to… to… nobody said we're not friends anymore, and nobody is going to... report me. Or at least, I hope so."

"I'm sure they won't." Martin tried to calm him down. "I think they just need some time to process it."

"I hope so. But... doesn't change the fact that they have a point. It is very risky. That's just how it is. They're right and I can't deny that." What if it was too risky?

"You know I've told you too that there is a risk. And I'm worried because I care about you. But he... Jere, right?" Bojan nodded. It was strange to hear Martin saying Jere's name. "He makes you happy."

Bojan couldn't help but smile. "He does." Of course, Jere did, that was the part Bojan didn't doubt at all.

"So how could I tell you as a friend that you shouldn't be happy?" Martin looked at him.

Bojan shrugged. "If you're realistic and know that it will all crash down?"

"No." Martin shook his head. "I can't. I don't know what's going to happen in the future but I want you to be happy and with him you are."

"Thank you." Bojan felt tears building up. "How can you..." He swallowed. "How can you be so understanding? You only know since yesterday..."

"I know you. Since years. And if you you're honest, you know what you want and what makes you happy, don't you?"

Bojan could only nod. Yeah, he wanted to be with Jere. He wanted that relationship, despite all the arguments speaking against them.

"And I know you can be very stubborn. You wouldn't listen to me if I told you to break up. Maybe you would stop talking to me about him, but you wouldn't stop seeing him, right?"

Bojan nodded again. Martin was absolutely right. Of course, he wouldn't break up with Jere, and as long as it was possible, he wouldn't stop seeing him.

"You see? It wouldn't work. And honestly, as long as you are happy, I don't care if he is a man. And about how much money he has. I just... please be careful, okay?"

"I promise."

"Thank you."

A knock at the door startled them both. Martin got up and opened the door. Bojan couldn't see much but he immediately recognized Kris' voice. "Are you two coming too?"

"Umm... I don't know." Martin turned around to look at Bojan. "Do you want to go to the library again? Or do you want to stay here?"

"I..." Bojan hesitated. "I think I would prefer staying here." He didn't want to avoid his friends. But maybe they actually needed some time without him.

"That's absolutely okay." Martin nodded. "Should I stay here too?"

Bojan shrugged. He didn't want to tell his friend what to do. If Martin wanted to go, he should do it. Bojan was an adult, he had to be able to stay alone.

Martin turned towards Kris again. "I think, I'm staying here for now. Maybe I'll come later."

"Okay." Kris agreed. "You know there's always space for you two. And Bojan..." Kris stuck his head through the door. "I'm proud of you. I really am."

Bojan wanted to say "thank you" but not one word left his mouth. All he managed to do was a nod and a relieved and happy smile. It meant so much to him to hear these words from his friend.

Kris smiled back and then left the cabin to meet with Jure, Jan and Nace. Martin closed the cabin's door. "You see, we still are your friends and we are by your side."

Bojan could only nod again. He was so thankful for Martin's words telling him he wasn't feeling wrong. He was so thankful for the support. He was so thankful to have such great friends.

The rest of the afternoon, Bojan stayed in the cabin, finally writing the letter he wanted to send to his parents.

When he had finished it, he read through it again to be sure he could send it the way it was. In that moment, he realized something. Yeah, he could indeed send this letter, it would definitely not tell too much.

In fact, it told almost nothing about him. What he had written was rather a description of the ship, explaining why one should visit it.

It could have been written by anyone.

Maybe that wasn't a good letter either. Maybe it should be at least a bit personal. Or was this how he wanted to talk to his parents? Impersonal and distanced? It wasn't, was it?

He knew his parents would never support him when it came to marriage and relationships but he didn't want to cut them out of his life for that, did he?

Okay, he actually had been thinking that going to America might also be a way to keep his parents from finding a pretty girl for him to marry but still…

He loved his family. And he didn't want to lose them.

Martin got up. "I'm going to the library for tea, are you coming too?"

"Umm..." Bojan raised his eyes from the paper in his hand to his friend. "I think I'm staying here. I'm not sure whether this letter is good the way it is and I don't need tea..." It was a poor excuse and he knew it.

Martin sighed, seeing right through him. "Are you trying to avoid them?"

"Whom?" Bojan asked even though he already knew what his friend meant.

"Jan and Nace."

"No, I..." To be honest, he didn't even know. He didn't know what he was doing or what he should do. Maybe he actually was avoiding his friends. Maybe he was hoping it would be better for them if they didn't have to look at him now. Maybe he…

"Bojči, they are your friends. It will be fine, I'm sure."

"Yeah..." Bojan really hoped it would. "Maybe I will talk to them again later. But now... I really don't feel like drinking tea."

"Okay." Martin nodded. "You know where you can find me, yeah? I'm going to the library now, see you later."

"Yeah, see you later." At the latest when eating supper, he would see his friends.

The cabin door was closed behind Martin, and Bojan looked at the letter once more. Should he start writing again? Should he add some more personal information? Should he take another paper and write it completely new?

Or should he just send this letter the way it was? He could write and send a second letter later, that wasn't a problem at all. Yeah, probably that was the best idea. It was only logical to first describe this impressing ship and later write more about himself, wasn't it?

Yeah, he would do that. He would send this letter to his parents the way it was, and soon he would write a second one. That was a good idea.

He put the letter into an envelope and wrote the address onto it before putting it away. He would bring it to the post office later. At the moment, he didn't feel like leaving the cabin.

However, he couldn't hide forever just because he was afraid. He had to leave the cabin for supper with his friends. And he didn't want to stay in bed forever.

He wasn't ill.

It wasn't an illness, was it?

Bojan got out of his bed and looked at himself in the mirror. Did he look ill? Did he look insane? Did he look different, just like Jan had said?

How? There wasn't "I have a boyfriend" written on his forehead or anything like that. But maybe there was something else? Was he wearing different clothes than before?

Of course, he bought new clothes from time to time. Everybody did, right? But was he wearing anything looking... not appropriate? Anything screaming "I'm insane, I need to go to prison"?

Was he wearing too cheap-looking clothes? Clothes that would be normal for poor people but not for him? For...

Well, he had different kind of clothes for different occasions. And he actually had cheaper clothes to go to poor people's parts of town but Jan couldn't have seen him wearing anything like that.

Or maybe it wasn't just his look? Maybe it was his behaviour? Something he had said? Something he had done? Just anything?

Bojan stared at himself in the mirror but neither he nor his reflection could give him any answers to his questions.

How had he changed?

How was he different than before?

When suddenly the door opened, he jumped back. His head snapped toward the door, where Martin was entering the cabin. Noticing him standing in the middle of the room looking all shocked, Martin frowned and quickly closed the door. "What are you doing?"

"No... nothing." Bojan hastily stepped away from the mirror. "I'm not doing anything."

"Sure?" It was obvious that Martin didn't believe him.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm alright." Bojan didn't dare to look at his friend.

Martin sighed. "Bojči, please, you really don't look like you're alright. I just want to help you, you know?"

"I'm... I..." Bojan's eyes caught his reflection in the mirror again. "How?"

The last word had been only a whisper, Bojan wasn't even sure whether his friend had heard it but then Martin looked at him in confusion. "How what?"

Bojan looked down, mumbling. "How am I a different person than before?"

"What?"

"How am I a different person now since I have a boyfriend?"

"Oh." Now Martin seemed to understand. "You're not. You're still Bojan, one of my best friends and..."

Bojan didn't hear him out. "Jan said I'm someone else now."

"I think he didn't mean..."

Bojan shook his head. "What is it? Do I look different?"

"I think he just meant..."

"Do I talk differently?"

"Bojan, I think he didn't..."

"Did I do something in a different way?"

"I'm sure he just meant that you should be careful..."

Bojan shook his head. "That's not what he said."

Martin sighed, not knowing what to answer to that.

"Is it the way I talk about poor people? That I'm not saying they're all stupid and worthless? Should I walk around, telling everybody how disgusting poor people are and that some couples should die miserably and burn in hell?"

"Bojan, no. Please. That you're nice to everyone is something good. I wish more people were like that."

"But I'm too nice." Annoyed with himself, Bojan started walking around the cabin. "I was too nice to Jere, he was too lovely to me, and you see what's happening now!"

"Bojči, please listen. The problem is not that you're too nice. Or that he was. The problem is that others are not. If everybody was nice to everyone, the world would be a better place."

Bojan stopped in his tracks and looked at his friend. "Why are you so smart?"

Martin laughed. "I'm not. I'm just trying to calm you down. You've said so many smart things yourself, I'm just reminding you."

"Thank you. I don't know what's going on in my mind. What Jan said... It scares me. I don't know what he meant but I don't want to be someone else..."

"I don't know what he meant either. If you want to know, you have to ask him. But you are still you. You're a good friend, such a kind and lovely person. Please don't feel bad for who you are."

Bojan tried to hold back the upcoming tears. He wanted to say something but he feared he would immediately start crying if he did, so he just nodded, smiling thankfully.

It would be alright.

He wasn't alone.

He would be alright.

Martin had managed to calm him down a little but when someone knocked at the door, Bojan still startled, feeling his heart start to race again. What if his friends had been thinking about the situation and the risk and had decided it was better not to be friends with him anymore?

What if...

Martin opened the door and Bojan could see the rest of his friends standing in the corridor. They were all here, no one was missing. No one had preferred not to come. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

Kris glanced into the cabin. "Are you ready?"

Martin nodded. "I am."

"Yeah." Bojan grabbed his pocket watch and threw a last glance into the mirror. He looked okay, didn't he?

While Martin closed the door, Jure worriedly looked at Bojan. "Are you feeling better?"

Bojan nodded. "Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry." He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. Maybe just the whole situation.

"No need to apologize. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Thank you." Bojan smiled slightly. "Now, let's go and get something to eat."

The others agreed, looking forward to the meal, and they set off to the dining saloon.

But Bojan could feel it, something was wrong.

Something was different, something had changed terribly. He couldn't even tell what exactly it was. It was just not the same atmosphere as yesterday. Or as in the morning.

As before Bojan had told them.

Everyone seemed to be so quiet. No jokes were told anymore. Nobody was laughing. Nobody was even talking. They all were just sitting quietly at the table, eating their food.

Bojan hated it. It felt like something terrible had happened. It felt like they all were at a funeral, mourning the loss of something that had been very important to them. And he felt like it was his fault. He had destroyed the mood with his shocking message. In this moment, he wished he just hadn't said anything.

He tried to focus on eating instead of losing himself in his thoughts but even though the food was great, he couldn't enjoy it. Why had he told them? Why hadn't he just kept his secret? Or maybe only told Martin? Why hadn't he properly thought about the consequences?

He wanted to leave. He wanted to run away, hide where nobody would find him, and just forget about everything. Just fall asleep.

No, he wanted to go to Jere. He wanted to hug him, tell him how much he loved him, and just spend time with him. He wanted to be as happy as he always was when he was with his boyfriend.

He missed him so much.

He needed to see him. As soon as possible. Now.

The moment he had finished eating, he got up. "I'm going... umm... walking around a little."

"Okay." Jan barely looked at him, and Bojan tried to tell himself that his friend was just too busy eating.

It didn't work.

It was impossible to overlook that his friends were distancing themselves from him. It hurt badly, and it didn't get any better when he saw Martin's pitiful look. Vigorously, he shook his head, trying to shake off his thoughts.

It didn't work.

He could only hope seeing Jere would make him feel okay again. It would all be worth it. It would all be okay again. It would be. It would...

It wouldn't.

Nothing would be okay, and it took Bojan only a few seconds to realize that. Because the other side of the gate was crowded. Not just a few people returning to their cabins, testing his patience. No, there were so many people he immediately knew he wouldn't be able to meet Jere at all.

If the day hadn't already been terrible, it would have gotten terrible now. He felt so empty. So helpless and despaired for not being able to do anything. Angry because it wasn't fair. And so small, trying to fight against the fact that he and Jere couldn't be together.

He hated the gate, he hated the law, he hated the people standing in the corridor, he hated this day, he hated his feelings, he hated being in love.

Why couldn't it just be easy?

Why couldn't they just be happy?

After staring at the gate and the crowd for too long without anything happening, he gave up. There was no chance to see Jere. There was no hope. This day obviously wasn't willing to let him have this short minutes of happiness.

Slowly, he turned around and moved away. Where could he go? He didn't want to be sitting around with his friends in unbearable silence again. But sitting alone in his cabin wasn't a good idea either.

Maybe he could go outside. Breathe in fresh air. Trying to let the wind blow away his thoughts. Yeah, that wasn't even a bad idea, was it?

The problem was just that he had to walk almost past the table where his friends were sitting if he wanted to go to the second class promenade. He had to walk up the stairs to the dining saloon and then further up to the promenade.

But what else should he do?

He couldn't change that fact that the dining room and the promenade were located so close to each other. He could only hope to get there unseen. He could only try to.

And fail.

Because that was undoubtedly Jure standing there on the promenade, leaning against the wall right next to the door and smoking a cigarette.

The sun had already sunk, and it was getting dark. Maybe, if Bojan ran away really quickly, he could be gone when Jure would come back inside.

However, Bojan had planned to go outside. And did he really want to run away from his friend? Jure wasn't the problem. It was the silence that felt awful. It was the silence that scared him. And it was the silence that made him feel guilty.

When Bojan stepped outside, Jure turned his head and looked at him. He didn't say anything, he just nodded into his direction and continued smoking while Bojan was lightning a cigarette for himself.

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Just walk away, leaving Jure without saying a word? Staying here, waiting? Starting a conversation?

"I'm sorry." Bojan mumbled, not sure whether he was talking to himself or to Jure.

Jure blew some smoke in the air. "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong."

Bojan sighed. "I don't know. I feel like I did. I mean… Nobody is talking anymore. And the silence feels awful."

Jure nodded slowly. "I know what you mean. But it's not your fault."

How could it be not his fault?

No, of course, it was his fault. He was the one putting them all into danger. He was the criminal here. He was the one stubbornly running further ahead even though he knew there was no way.

Of course, it was his fault.

Jure looked around, making sure that no one was listening. "Have you seen him?"

Bojan took a drag of his cigarette before he shook his head. No, he hadn't seen Jere, and it felt awful not to be able to see his boyfriend.

Jure pulled him into a hug. "It's going to be okay."

"I don't know." Bojan leaned into the hug, thankful for his friend. "I wanted to see him but there were so many people that I couldn't. And I feel like I shouldn't have said anything."

Oh, and he shouldn't talk about it here.

"I should just be quiet. I only make everything worse and I'm sorry." Not here. Not where people could hear him.

Jure pulled him closer. "You don't. It's good if you talk about what's bothering you."

"I miss him." Bojan was mumbling so quietly he wasn't even sure whether his friend could hear him.

"I know, Bojči. I would really like to help you but I... I just don't know how."

"You already do. You listen to me, and you... you support me... support us... thank you."

"Of course, I do, you're my friend. Just tell me if there's anything else I can do."

"Okay." Bojan nodded, thinking. "Maybe just walk around a little?" The fresh air would hopefully help him to think clearly.

"Sure." Jure immediately agreed. "Let's do that."

Stepping away from the wall, Bojan now felt the cold wind blowing though his hair and clothes. He probably should have put on something warmer before going outside. However, he didn't complain, and neither did Jure.

They quietly walked to the side railing, looking at the water. There was nothing else to see. No land. No other ships. No animals. Only the darkness above the deep black sea.

After a few minutes of staring, they decided to continue their walk. Jure looked around. "Which direction?"

"Left." Bojan hadn't thought about his answer but when they had turned left and were approaching the railing between the second class promenade and the third class open deck space, he knew why he had chosen this direction.

It was ridiculous.

It was stupid to think he would see Jere here. It was naïve to think he could just stand at the railing, looking down at the third class area, and his boyfriend would just...

No.

There was nobody. Of course, there wasn't, it was dark and it was way too cold to be outside. Nobody would voluntarily go for a walk now. Nobody would…

Wait.

Wait, there actually seemed to be someone. Over there, at the far end of the third class open deck space. Or was it just a shadow? Just a trick of light?

No, it was a human, wasn't it? It was moving along the railing. There was someone walking down there, wasn't there? Yeah, someone was walking into the direction of the second class promenade. Someone was...

A beam of dim light fell on the third class passenger and Bojan's heart stopped. No. That wasn't possible. Now he was definitely going mad from missing his boyfriend.

That couldn't be Jere, could it?

The man stopped, looking at him. Or at least into the direction where Bojan and Jure were standing. Had he seen them too? If it actually was Jere, he would recognize Bojan, wouldn't he?

Or was it just too dark?

Jure nudged him, snapping Bojan out of his thoughts. "Bojči, are you listening?"

Startled, Bojan immediately turned his gaze away from the man. "Oh yeah. Of course." No, he definitely had not been listening.

"Are you okay?" Jure sounded worried and now looked from Bojan to the third class space. "Oh. Is that him? Is that… Jere?"

Bojan's eyes moved to the third class passenger again. He hoped so. He hoped it so much. Because seeing Jere from the distance was at least seeing him at all.

The man was still looking up, and now Bojan was sure that he actually was looking at him. Or maybe rather staring at him.

That was Jere. It had to be Jere.

For sure, it was.

To answer Jure's question, Bojan could only nod. His heart was racing and his mind was blank. The cold was completely forgotten.

"Hm... It's very dark unfortunately." Jure's eyes were on the third class passenger too. "But I guess he looks like a good person."

Bojan nodded again, his eyes still glued to the man standing down there. Jere definitely was a good person, and Bojan wished the others and his boyfriend himself could see that.

Jere was so much more than only a good person.

"Is it okay if I tell Kris?" Jure was talking again. Bojan, however, was barely listing at this point and just nodded.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Jure turned around, quickly walking away, heading towards the door.

Bojan's eyes rested on Jere. If only he could do more than just look. If only there wasn't this distance between them. If only he could talk to him.

No, that wasn't enough.

If only he could go to him. If only those few meters weren't such an insurmountable distance. He wanted to go to those stairs, push away the barrier, and walk down to the third class. To Jere.

He wanted to run to his boyfriend, jump into his arms, hold him tight, and never let him go. Never ever leave again.

There was so much he wanted to do with him. So much he was dreaming of. So much he knew he would never get but still hoped for it. So much he would fight for if only there was a chance to win.

However, there wasn't.

There had never been.

And there would never be.

But still, he couldn't get himself to look away from Jere. As long as there was a little chance to spend at least a few short minutes with him, he wouldn't be able to give up. As long as Jere wanted him, he would always be looking for a way, no matter how stupid it was.

He had been so focused on staring that he only noticed his friends when they were already standing behind him. Jure was talking quietly. "Here we are."

"Is he still there?" Surely, Kris meant Jere and not Bojan but the latter turned around to look at his friends.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to disturb." Martin had come along too and looked apologetically.

"Yeah, he is." Jure whispered towards Kris. "Just look down there."

Martin glanced over the railing. "Oh, I see."

Kris looked at the third class open deck space too. "I don't see much." Then he smirked. "But I can imagine a lot."

Bojan turned back towards Jere. Looking at his boyfriend was definitely better than listening to his friends talking nonsense. And when Jere was standing right there, only a few steps away from him...

As if Bojan was able to pay attention to anything else than Jere anyway.

When he looked at him, there was nothing in his mind but Jere. Jere whom he loved so much it hurt. Jere whom he had missed so much and whom he was still missing badly because looking from the distance was just not enough.

He wished he could send his thoughts to his boyfriend's mind to tell him... Okay, maybe not all of his thoughts, some were just… a little too much to let anyone hear them. Too embarrassingly full of love and affection.

His friends were quietly whispering to each other but Bojan didn't hear a word. Only when Jere suddenly looked away, he noticed that his friends were still here.

Jere looked down and then back at the railing of the second class promenade. Bojan felt that something had changed, Jere seemed tense and even uncomfortable now. Something was definitely wrong.

Oh no, was it his fault?

Had he made Jere uncomfortable?

That was definitely not what Bojan had wanted. Not at all. Had he made a mistake by staring at his boyfriend? Should he just have looked away? Should he have left the promenade?

But Jere had stared back, hadn't he? He had been staring back until the moment when Jure had come back with Kris and Martin. Oh. Oh. Maybe that had been the problem?

Maybe Jere didn't want to see Bojan's friends? Or he didn't want them to see him? Perhaps it had been too much and he had felt uncomfortable having so many eyes on him?

Maybe…

Oh, now Jere was looking at him again. What was he trying to say? Please nothing bad. Jere was okay, wasn't he? They were okay, weren't they? They were just both unhappy that they hadn't been able to meet today, weren't they?

After a few seconds, Jere turned away and started walking towards the door leading back inside. Bojan followed him with his eyes, wishing he could stop him. Wishing he could walk there with his boyfriend, following Jere wherever he was going.

He already missed him.

"Bojči." Jure pulled Bojan into a hug, trying to comfort him. "Are you okay?"

Bojan could only nod. He wasn't really okay, he felt terribly empty and sad without his boyfriend. And he still felt guilty for the silence he had caused by telling his friends about Jere.

"Already missing him?" Kris sounded serious and understanding, not joking at all.

"Yeah, I..." Bojan looked down, mumbling. "I couldn't say hello or goodbye. He just disappeared."

"You didn't do anything wrong. He surely was just cold." Yeah, Martin probably was right, it really was cold. Being able to think about it now, Bojan could feel the cold in his whole body.

Jure seemed to notice him trembling. "I think we should go back inside too."

"Oh yeah." Martin agreed.

Bojan threw a last glance at the third class open deck space but Jere wasn't there anymore. Of course, he wasn't, Bojan had seen him walking away.

"Let's go, Bojči, he is indoors in a warm room, and we should go back too."

"Okay." Bojan nodded. Of course, his friends were right. There was no one anymore. There was nothing but the wind, the darkness, and the cold. He could only hope that he would be able to see Jere again the next day.

Bojan followed Kris, Jure and Martin to the second class smoke room, where Jan and Nace were sitting at a table and laughing about something.

They suddenly seemed to be in a good mood again. At least now that Bojan wasn't around. Maybe he should leave them alone. Let them have fun. It was stupid, those four people were his friends, but Bojan still felt like he shouldn't be here with them.

He should go before the mood would be unbearable again.

"We're back." Jure sat down next to Jan.

"Great." Jan held up the cards. "Let's start." Not one single word about why they had been outside. Not one single word about Bojan's walk or the fact that he had come back now. Not one single word that wasn't related to the card game.

Did Jan and Nace not care?

Or did they just not want to discuss that topic again? Both sounded possible. Bojan wouldn't ask them. He wouldn't bring that topic up again. This time he would do better. This time he would just be quiet.

Maybe he should go to bed.

After all, it was getting late and he was still cold from standing outside. Lying in bed didn't sound that bad. It sounded warm and comfortable. Yeah, sleep actually sounded like a good idea, and hopefully he would feel better tomorrow.

"Bojči, don't you want to sit down?" Kris snapped him out of his thoughts.

"I... no..." Bojan shook his head. "I think I'm going to bed early. It is... umm..." He threw a look at his pocket watch. "Yeah, it's already late, and I am tired." That wasn't even a lie. He actually was tired.

"Is it okay if I stay here for a while longer and come to our cabin a little later?"

"Of course, yeah." Bojan nodded.

"Thank you. I'll be quiet."

"Thank you." Bojan smiled. "See you all tomorrow."

"Good night." "Sleep well." "Night."

"Good night." Saying these words, Bojan turned around and walked away.

He didn't know how he should feel. He was happy to have seen Jere, sad and scared of losing his friends, angry at himself, frustrated of the situation, still hopeful somehow, and very confused.

Lost in his thoughts, he walked down the stairs and entered the corridor. He was walking slowly because even though he had wanted to leave, he wasn't really looking forward to sitting in his cabin alone. He wasn't looking forward to be lying in his bed, thinking about the mistakes he had made. He wasn't...

Ouch!

Someone had bumped into him which had snapped him out of his thoughts. As he turned around, he looked into the scared eyes of a young woman. "Excuse me, Sir! I didn't mean to…"

Bojan shook his head. "It's alright, I'm fine."

The woman smiled shyly. She was still standing close to him. Really close and Bojan didn't know why but it made him uncomfortable. Maybe it was because he was not interested in her at all.

She was good-looking, no doubts, many people would have been fascinated by her shiny eyes and her well-shaped body. Her dress was rather simple but suited her very well. She looked pretty.

However, Bojan didn't have eyes for her.

He didn't want to be impolite but he was tired and didn't feel like talking to people. And he would definitely not flirt with her. He just wanted to continue his way to his cabin. It surely was already very late and…

Wait…

Wait!

Where was his pocket watch?

He had put it back into his pocket, hadn't he? Yeah, for sure he had! So, it had to be in his pocket. If he hadn't lost it, which would be very bad looking at the value of the watch. It had to be...

Wait…

Unless…

The woman had stepped away and turned around to leave. Not even a second later, Bojan had caught up with her. "I think you have something that doesn't belong to you."

She stepped back. "I told you I'm sorry that I..."

Bojan shook his head. "You know that's not what I mean."

"Let me..." She made another step back. "Let me go."

"Look, we have two options now. Either you give my pocket watch back to me or I will have to get the security staff to handle this."

Of course, he didn't tell her that in actual fact he didn't want to have anything to do with the staff. That for valid reasons he should stay away from them. That he could just secretly hope she wouldn't let things get that far.

"No!" Standing with her back against the wall, she seemed to realize that there was no way to escape. "No staff!"

"Then talk to me and give it back to me." Bojan didn't want to argue or fight, he only wanted to get his pocket watch back.

The woman looked up at him in fear, pleading. "No staff. Please not. Please no hurt."

Bojan shook his head. "I'm not going to hurt you. All I want is my watch back."

"I give it." She quickly nodded. "But please no staff. Please no hurt. Please, I'm… I am…" She glanced around to make sure no one was listening and lowered her voice. "I have a baby."

For a second, Bojan stared at her, unable to find any words. She had a baby. The woman was a mother. Or maybe she was having a baby and becoming a mother, Bojan wasn't sure. However, that baby was the reason why she needed money and that made totally sense.

What had he expected? Of course, she wasn't stealing for fun. Of course, there was a reason why she was doing it. He knew it should leave him indifferent. He shouldn't care about other people's problems. He should care about his belongings and nothing else.

He swallowed, pushing his emotions aside. "Still, give my clock back."

"I give it." She repeated her sentence, hastily searching in her pockets. "I give it."

There were definitely more things in her pockets than only Bojan's pocket watch. Surely more stolen things. Did she steal often? Was she good at it? Would she…

No, he couldn't do that.

He couldn't allow himself to have that thought.

But just in theory… would she be able to steal the key to the gate from one of the crew members? Could she maybe help him to finally get to Jere? Could this be his chance?

Bojan looked around to make sure that there was nobody listening. Nobody who could hear what he was offering. He knew it was terribly wrong to ask for that. Wrong in all respects, legally and morally. He knew he should absolutely not do it. It would get him into even more serious trouble and he already was a criminal living a risky life.

But still he found himself opening his mouth and whispering. "You need money?"

The woman looked up at him with wide and scared eyes. "Y-yes. But I give your thing back. I give it back!"

"Yeah." Bojan nodded. "But maybe I could help you."

She froze. "What… do you want?"

Bojan swallowed. Of course, she had seen right through him. "A key."

"A key?" Now she looked confused. "You want no… emm… with me…" She shook her head at herself. "You want a key. Good. Where? What key?"

Bojan looked around again but luckily there was still no one to be seen. "A key to the gates between the classes. High-ranked crew members might have one."

"I understand." She nodded. "When?"

"As soon as possible."

"Okay." She nodded again. "I do it. I get you a key."

Chapter Text

Nervously, Jere looked around while Bojan put the key into the lock of the gate. There was no one looking, was there? There was no one noticing, was there? There was no one, was there?

If they got caught now...

The thought alone already made Jere feel sick.

Literally everything on this ship was built to separate the different classes. Everything was made to prevent the passengers from doing what the two of them were about to do right now.

And they knew it. They knew exactly what they were doing. They knew very well that it was not allowed. Strictly forbidden. They knew.

But still, it wouldn't stop them.

The only thing they did not know was what would happen if they actually got caught. What people would do with them. Jere only knew it would be really really bad, and that was terrifying.

He had to do anything to prevent that.

Bojan looked less scared. He looked self-confident as always, focused on the key in the lock. Only if one looked closer, one could see his hands trembling slightly.

And if one knew him, one could see the relief flashing over his face when the gate finally was unlocked. Quickly, he looked in all directions again, just to be sure that really no one was looking, then he opened the gate and set his feet on the third class floor.

Jere's heart was pounding so loudly he thought Bojan must be able to hear it. They had to go. They had to get to Jere's cabin. Quickly and without being caught.

Bojan pushed the gate closed behind them as quietly as possible. If people looked at it now, they surely would think it was locked. But it wasn't and therefore it would take him less time to get back to the second class area.

"Okay, let's go." Bojan was whispering, just loud enough that Jere could hear him.

He nodded. "Yes, I go, you too, yes?"

"Of course, I'll follow you. You know where your cabin is."

Jere nodded again and started his way to the cabin, making sure his boyfriend was right behind him, following him.

They walked along the corridor, past other cabins. A few passengers were standing or walking there but not paying much attention at them.

Yes, because why should they?

In their eyes, Jere was just walking along the corridor with a friend. They were just two ordinary third class passengers, nothing special. Nothing worth to waste your time with.

Yes, his boyfriend looked better than any actual third class passenger, of course, but everybody knew that there were gates and that it was impossible to get from one class to the other.

Furthermore, he was wearing more simple clothes again. Still better than anything Jere had ever owned but it wasn't suspicious.

Now, Jere was sure that Bojan was doing it on purpose. It was smart. Of course, it was, his boyfriend was very smart. But it also made him sad because it showed him once more that his boyfriend couldn't be himself when he was with him.

He always had to hide.

He always had to pretend to be someone else.

Someone worse.

It must be awful.

However, Jere wouldn't ask. He wouldn't talk about it. He couldn't take the risk of displeasing his boyfriend. He had to do anything to make Bojan stay.

So far it went to plan. They were heading towards Jere's cabin and were almost there when suddenly a member of the ship's crew appeared in front of them.

It wasn't the one that had caught Jere standing at the gate but that didn't really matter now. If the man noticed that Bojan didn't belong here, they would be in big serious trouble anyway.

Jere's heart was racing like it wanted to jump out of his body. He wanted to turn around and run. Just anywhere away from the man but he knew he couldn't. That would be way too suspicious.

They had to go ahead. They had to act normal. They had to walk past the man like they were just two normal passengers. Like they were just friends sharing a third class cabin. Nothing special. Nothing worth to pay attention to.

Nothing illegal.

Bojan kept walking right behind Jere. Probably he was hoping the man would pay more attention to Jere than to him that way. Hopefully, he was right.

The crew member looked at Jere for a second and then at Bojan. No one said a word. Even if he wanted, Jere probably wouldn't have been able to speak. His mouth was as dry as a desert and his mind was completely blank.

Then the man had passed by.

Quickly. Easily. Without causing trouble. Without saying anything. Without even noticing that something was wrong.

They could just continue their way. They could just go ahead. They were still as free as ten minutes earlier. And they had almost reached his cabin. Only a few meters.

Spotting the door of his cabin, Jere sped up his steps but it still felt like it took him an eternity to get to the door, open it with nervously shaking hands, and hold it open for his boyfriend.

When they finally were in his cabin, alone in peace and quiet, without any eyes on them, Jere closed the door and took a deep breath.

They had made it.

They were safe. At least as safe as they could be. And they were together. They finally could spend time with each other. For more than just a minute and without worrying about who could possibly see and report them.

For one moment, they could pretend they were just a normal couple.

As soon as the door was closed, Jere could feel his boyfriend's arms around him, finally holding him again. Leaning into the hug and breathing in his boyfriend's scent, it was like all worries left his body.

"I've missed you." Bojan was whispering. "So much."

"I too." Jere smiled. "Miss you so much and want you here."

"I am here, Jere, I'm here with you." Bojan smiled back. "I'm here now and I'm so happy to be with you."

For a moment, they quietly stood there, just holding each other. Recharging after the long time without each other.

Then Jere raised his head to look into his boyfriend's eyes. "I want... I can... kiss you?"

The structure of the sentence was surely completely wrong and stupid but Bojan didn't seem to mind at all. His eyes were shining as he leaned down to kiss Jere.

Jere's eyes fell shut and he felt like he was finally able to breathe again. Finally not lost anymore. Finally safe. Finally not alone anymore. Finally where he belonged.

Finally in Bojan's arms again.

He only realized that his boyfriend was walking him back when his back hit the wall. Surprised, Jere opened his mouth and Bojan took it as an invitation to slide his tongue into his mouth.

Jere didn't complain.

There was no reason to complain. The only reason to break the kiss was to get some air. Bojan was gently pressing him against the cabin's wall, probably Jere would be able to get free if he wanted to. However, he definitely did not want to. Instead, he stood on tiptoes, trying to reach his boyfriend's lips again.

He was allowed to do this, wasn't he?

Bojan smirked and readily gave him what he was asking for, hands tugging at Jere's shirt and finding their way under it, touching bare skin.

Jere's gasp was muffled by the kiss, his fingers clinging to Bojan's shirt. His mind was completely blank, only filled with affection and pleasure, not worrying about being enough and doing the right things to please his boyfriend.

He wanted more. He needed more.

His hands wandered from Bojan's shirt to his pants, to the noticeable bulge telling him that his boyfriend definitely was into this too. He heard Bojan moaning softly and put more pressure into the touch.

But Bojan suddenly froze, catching Jere's hand. Jere stopped in his tracks. What had he done wrong? Had he misunderstood the signs? Should he have waited for an instruction? Was Bojan angry at him?

"I excu... excuse... I not... I..."

"Jere, no. Just... wait... people..." Bojan sounded breathless, not able to form a coherent sentence either.

"Oh." Jere nodded, now understanding. People. How could he have forgotten? How could he really have thrown all caution away?

What had he been thinking?

The last question at least was easy to answer. Nothing. He hadn't been thinking. He hadn't been able to think at all.

"Jere?" Bojan was speaking again. "Jere, I'm... sorry... Can we... just... lay into your bed?"

Quickly, Jere nodded, not daring to look at him. "Yes yes, bed, yes. Good bed."

"Yeah." Bojan took Jere's hand, gently pulling him towards the bed, and Jere instantly followed.

Like he belonged there, Bojan let himself sink on the bed, pulling Jere onto him. "You know, I want that. I want to sleep with you."

"I okay... okay you not sleep with me. You not have to." Jere laid his head on his boyfriend's chest, not looking him in the eye.

Bojan shook his head. "I want to. I want to make you feel good."

"I good."

"Yeah, but..." Bojan didn't finish the sentence, and Jere's fear grew with every second of silence.

"You... not good?" He had made him uncomfortable, hadn't he? It was his fault, he shouldn't have...

"No, I am. I've never been better than when I'm with you. Really." Bojan pulled him closer. "I just... I got scared because I heard myself... and I was way too loud... And it's my fault, Jere, you did nothing wrong... You're good, you're too good."

Surprised, Jere looked at his boyfriend. "You scared?" He definitely had not anticipated to hear that.

Bojan hesitated. "Yeah, I... I am... scared. I don't want to be, I want to be strong and brave... for us... for you..." He sighed. "But yeah, I am scared."

For a moment, Jere reminded silent, trying to process the words. Did that mean that Bojan regretted coming here? But... If he didn't want to be with him, he wouldn't have come here, would he?

"I... excuse. Not want you scared."

"Jere, please no, it's not your fault. You know we have to be quiet; you were and I wasn't, it's my fault. Please stop blaming yourself. If you're quiet, I can... touch you and... make you... you know... Or I put... hand on your mouth... make you be quiet..."

"No no, you right. Too loud... and mess, yes." Jere sat up, bringing more distance between them. "Not good here, yes." He felt bad for not realizing earlier.

At home, he had always been aware of the risk. He had even been the one drawing attention to it, so why had he suddenly forgotten? How could he have thought he could force his boyfriend to take the responsibility alone?

They were in this together. If one had to take the responsibility, then it was Jere. Bojan had come here to visit him despite all risks. He had to do anything to protect him. Anything to make him happy. Anything to make him want to keep Jere.

Anything for him.

"But cuddling, Jere, please." Bojan tried to reach for him again but stopped when he noticed that Jere wasn't moving. "If that's okay? I mean... If you want?"

"Oh, yes yes, okay." Jere smiled shyly. "Very okay, yes."

Bojan smiled back, looking relieved. "Good. Because I've really missed that. It's been too long since we had time together, just for us."

"Yes yes, too long." Jere agreed, laying down again, his head resting on his boyfriend's chest. Every day felt too long if he couldn't see him. Bojan's visits had been the absolute highlights of the life he had lived before entering the ship. He was so happy to have him here now. In his cabin. In his bed. Cuddling with him.

Bojan's hand found its way to Jere's hair, fingers affectionately running through the locks. Jere closed his eyes, fully enjoying and snuggling up to him.

"I like your hair." Hearing Bojan's mumbled sentence, Jere's eyes flew open. "What?"

"I like your hair." This time, Bojan spoke more clearly and slightly louder.

"But... why?" Jere didn't get it. He couldn't see anything great about his hair. Except maybe for the fact that at least it was there.

"Umm... Looks good and it's very soft."

"You more. You hair more good. Soft, yes." If only Jere had the words to describe his thoughts. "I just... fun hair. But not good fun."

"Oh Jere." Bojan looked at him, eyes full of affection, voice soft. "You really have great hair, I'm completely serious. And your eyes... I love your eyes. Love the blue, the slightly changing colour in different lights, love the spark in your eyes when you are happy. I love your smile, love when... Oh no, don't look at me like that, I'm saying nothing but the truth."

Oh, had he been looking so obviously in disbelief? He hadn't even realized. But it was highly possible. Because he really couldn't believe Bojan was serious about that. His mind kept shouting at him that Bojan could not possibly mean it. No one who had looked at him could ever mean that.

But Bojan was looking at him so... so lovingly. With shiny and... honest eyes? Jere wanted to believe him. If it didn't sound so absurd, he would have immediately believed him without any doubts.

Oh, he had to answer. He had to stop staring stupidly into nothingness and say something to please his boyfriend. Say the right thing. Nothing about stupid and ugly because Bojan didn't like to hear him saying that.

"I excuse. I not want... not want say you lie. No."

"But you can't see it." It wasn't a question but a statement, and Jere agreed.

"Is it still because of your clothes? Because they are less expensive?"

Less expensive, what a euphemism. They were the absolute cheapest kind one could find anywhere. The worst, and one could easily see it.

"Then let's change."

"What?" Jere looked at his boyfriend with big eyes.

"I'll give you my clothes and you will give me yours. Very easy."

"But clothes your. You can not go with my, people see!" And the problem wasn't only the clothes.

"Oh. No, I didn't mean taking them to the second class. I mean here. For you to see. I've just put them on in the morning if you don't mind."

"Oh no no, I no problem. I just... I poor and ugly and you clothes wrong."

"The clothes are not wrong, Jere." Bojan's hand that had been running through Jere's locks stopped. "I mean... Of course, you should feel comfortable in what you wear. But neither you nor your clothes are ugly, don't let anyone tell you that. Please. You are not ugly, Jere."

Oh no, he had said it again.

Oh no. Had he made Bojan upset? Please, no, that was not what he had wanted. Not at all. Why hadn't he just said thank you instead of annoying his boyfriend? Why was he so stupid to open this discussion again? Bojan had made it clear enough that he didn't like it.

"I... excuse... I not do again."

Bojan sighed. "You don't need to apologize, you need some self-confidence."

Jere didn't know what the word meant but he didn't dare to ask. It was something serious, wasn't it? So, what if it was really bad? What if he only made it even worse if he asked now? What if asking made Bojan really really angry? What if it made him finally realize how stupid Jere really was? What if... what if it made Bojan break up with him?

He needed to say something.

Something good. Something smart.

Right now. Before it would be too late...

However, his mind was completely blank. And his boyfriend obviously knew him way too well. "Oh, I'm sorry, I... I mean you need some... uh... You should know that you are amazing and that there are so many things you are good at. That you should trust in yourself and... I mean... know that you will do great."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and please stop apologizing. I know you're not trying to annoy me, you just... you just think so bad about yourself."

Jere nodded. Yes, he did. He totally did.

"Are those things..." Bojan hesitated. "Did someone say that to you?"

Jere closed his eyes in shame. "Yes, all people say. All, just you not, you say other. And my brother, he not say I bad person. He say we very... down people. We not matter, nobody need."

"They... you... they..." Bojan seemed speechless. "They said that?!"

Jere opened his eyes again. "Yes, they say."

"Okay, I... I see now." Bojan nodded but Jere was sure his boyfriend didn't really understand. Because how would he? How could he understand Jere's life when he came from a completely different world?

"But those people are wrong, Jere. So so wrong. I need you."

"No, I need you."

"Yeah, and I am here because I need you and I want to be with you. I want to be here and I would also actually like to swap clothes with you. If you want."

"You... want? Really?" Never in his whole life would Jere ever have expected any rich person to say something like that.

Okay, well, he also would have never thought that he would ever have a rich boyfriend.

"Of course!" Bojan smiled, actually looking excited. Jere couldn't believe his eyes.

"Okay, yes, I..." What could he give him to wear? Nothing was good enough. Nothing he owned was good at all. "I not have good for you. Most good is... eat clothes."

"I don't care, I'll wear anything if it comes from you. Doesn't have to be your best, just anything, really."

Jere looked down at himself. "That okay too?!"

"Sure."

"But is here..." Here pointed at himself. "Not here." He pointed into the direction of his fresh clothes. He couldn't give his boyfriend clothes he had already worn.

Bojan smiled. "That's fine. I can only offer you these which I am wearing now."

"I no problem." Jere smiled back, shyly and unsure whether that meant he should get up and take off his clothes now. He didn't want to do something wrong.

Bojan seemed to notice and pulled him into a hug. "You know you don't have to do it if you don't want to, yeah? It's fine too."

"Yes..." Jere felt warm and comfortable in his boyfriend's arms. "But I want..." Why was he so scared? Bojan had assured him many times that it was okay, hadn't he? It was okay, he didn't have to be afraid, it was fine.

And it weren't even Bojan's most beautiful or most expensive clothes. Just the ones his boyfriend put on to see him. The more poor-looking ones. Which were still better than Jere's best ones.

"But?" Bojan's hand soothingly stroked his arm.

Jere shook his head. "It stupid."

"It's not if it's worrying you."

"Not worry. Just think." He swallowed. Maybe he could ask? Maybe? "You much clothes, yes?"

"Um... I don't know."

"Yes yes, and for... different thing, yes?"

Bojan frowned. "Different things? Like my head or legs?"

"No no, like eat or sleep or sit... or... or see me, yes?"

"What?"

Jere looked down, ashamed. "You clothes for see me, yes? Not you... normal clothes..."

"Oh." Now, Bojan seemed to understand. "They are mine."

"Yes... yes..." Jere kept looking at the floor. "But I see when gate you other. Other people too." Why had he asked? Why hadn't he just stayed quiet?

"Oh. That. Yeah, you... yeah..." Bojan's hand on Jere's arm stopped and Jere hated himself for asking the question.

"I... I just..." Bojan seemed to be searching for words. "You know I've been to different parts of town, yeah?"

Jere nodded. Yes, he knew that.

Bojan continued. "Yeah, and when I was there... people were looking at me. Curious, confused, even scared. And I didn't want that. I don't want people to be scared of me or think I was better than them, I want get to know them. Or just walk along the street and meet you without those... sceptical glances... and I want to protect us... protect you. I thought it was smart. I thought it was best for us but I am so sorry if I hurt you."

"Oh. No, that... you smart, yes yes." It made sense. The plan was not bad, it actually was smart and surely better than doing nothing but Jere could still tell that his boyfriend definitely didn't look poor enough to be from his part of town.

However, one question was still burning in his mind, his thoughts only offering him terrible answers. "What you normal?"

"Normal?" Bojan frowned in confusion.

"Yes, what clothes... is... is you?"

"Oh. Hmm... I think... I don't... I don't care enough about that, I guess. I have the ones I wear for dinner here, and the ones you've seen the most, and then others that are something in between. Yeah, probably it's those clothes that I wear the most."

"I not see, yes?"

"No, you haven't." Bojan shook his head.

Jere nodded. Yes, he hadn't seen those clothes. And he probably never would. Because he couldn't just visit his boyfriend's home.

"Jere." Bojan snapped him out of his thoughts. "Do you want to swap clothes now?"

"Oh, yes." Jere nodded, finally getting up. "Yes yes." Why did the thought of undressing here feel so... so scary?

Bojan had seen him with less clothes. He had seen his dick. Many times. He had touched him. They had had sex. Several times.

It should not be a problem at all, should it?

His hands pulled at his shirt, shaking nervously. He didn't dare to look at his boyfriend while he took off his shirt. His ugly, poor-looking, cheap shirt.

He felt Bojan grabbing the shirt out of his hand. Did he really want to wear that?! Was he really serious about that?!

"Jere?" Bojan gently took his hand. "Please look at me. Jere."

And Jere did. He raised his head to look at his boyfriend who was standing there right next to him, without a shirt too. Stunning. Good-looking. Beautiful. Everything that Jere wasn't.

"Jere." Bojan's voice was soft. "Can I hug you?"

"Oh. Yes." He quickly nodded. "Yes yes."

Not even a second later, he was in Bojan's arms again. It felt more intimate without the shirts, feeling skin on skin. But it wasn't uncomfortable. Not at all. Bojan was so lovely, giving him the feeling he was safe and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

When they let go of each other to continue their clothes swap, Jere wasn't scared anymore. Still nervous and excited but not scared.

Putting on Bojan's clothes, he noticed how nicely they smelled like him. Jere loved it. He loved having his boyfriend all around him. He loved the scent, the texture of the fabric, and the simple fact that it was Bojan's clothes that he was wearing. But it still felt strange. Different. Very different from wearing his own clothes. It was hard to describe. It felt good, yes, but also somehow... wrong.

Jere stepped in front of the little mirror, shyly looking at his reflection. He looked... unfamiliar... strange... Well, his face was still the same, of course, and his hair was just a little dishevelled. But the rest was... confusing...

He didn't look like his boyfriend, he just... He didn't look like himself... not the way he knew himself... It looked... It would look good if it wasn't him. But good-looking and him, that simply didn't fit. That was... not true... not possible.

"What do you think?" Bojan put his arm around Jere's shoulders.

"I think..." Jere kept staring at himself. "I not know... That not... I..."

"That's us. And I think you always look good, no matter what clothes you're wearing."

Jere's eyes wandered to his boyfriend who now actually was wearing the poor-looking and ugly clothes. But somehow Bojan still managed to look good in it. "You look... other... but good. Aina."

Bojan's eyes in the mirror found his. "I like this."

Jere stared back in disbelief. "You like?!"

"Yeah, I do." Bojan smiled. "I don't care about fashion or things like that but I care a lot about this here because I'm doing it with you."

Jere couldn't help but smile back. "I love you."

"I love you too." Bojan kissed him on the cheek. "So much!"

Jere's smile widened while his mind went blank, not thinking bad about himself or his reflection anymore. They stayed like this for a while, looking at each other. Just being together and having each other was all that mattered. All he needed.

Bojan was the first one to break the silence. "Shall we go back to the bed?"

"Oh, yes yes." Jere nodded. "You want clothes again?"

"Not yet." His boyfriend shook his head. "Except if you want to change back."

"No no, I good." He had just started to feel comfortable, not thinking about which clothes people in his social class had to wear and which ones he was not allowed to wear.

"Good." Bojan took his hand, squeezing gently and then leading him back to the bed.

Only a few seconds later, Jere's head was on his boyfriend's chest again. He was still wearing his boyfriend's clothes, smiling widely and feeling pleasingly warm. He closed his eyes, purely enjoying.

If only he could have this every day.

"Jere?" Bojan softly stroked his hair.

"Yes?"

"Do you have a warm coat or something similar?"

"What?" Jere's eyes flew open. "You cold?"

"Oh, no. No, I mean for you. For cold winter times."

"Oh." Now he understood. "I not cold."

"Jere, please answer my question. Do you have a warm coat or not?"

"I have... öö... bit warm thing. But I from Finland, I not cold."

Bojan sighed. "Even you will be freezing in the cold."

"No no, I okay. No problem." He knew his boyfriend was right, he could even tell from experience that he was, but he didn't want him to worry.

"I'll buy you one." What? No, that was way too expensive. He couldn't accept that. "And don't say no, Jere, you need one."

Oh. Without saying anything, Jere closed his mouth again, deciding against objecting. His boyfriend seemed to have made up his mind and had made it clear that he didn't want to hear any objections, so Jere better remained silent.

Bojan pulled him closer. "Thank you."

"Why you say thank you? You give money, you give all, why you say thank you?"

"Because I want you to be safe and protected. And you give me so much too, Jere."

"No." Jere shook his head in disbelief. "What I give?"

"This." His boyfriend pointed at the two of them. "Love."

Oh.

Oh.

That left him speechless.

Because there was nothing he could say against that. Not one single counterargument. Because Bojan simply was right. Nothing but completely right, and Jere couldn't and wouldn't deny it.

So, he just remained silent, unable to think of any words. Luckily, his boyfriend didn't seem to be waiting for an answer. Bojan was just holding him tight, affectionately stroking his arm. For a while, it was quiet. The only thing Jere could hear was their own breath.

And his thoughts running through his head.

He didn't want to lose Bojan. He had no idea what he should do without him. He needed him. But he also didn't know what he could do to make him stay.

Yes, he loved him.

He loved him so much.

But that was all he had to give.

He had never visited his boyfriend's home. He had imagined how amazing the house probably was but he had no idea how it actually looked.

That was one of the topics his boyfriend avoided. Just like talking about his family and childhood... his life in general...

However, that life was in the past now anyway.

How would it be in America?

Would they be able to meet at all? Where would they live? Surely not together. Or... Oh.

He had to ask.

He had to suggest his idea.

Hopefully, his boyfriend would agree. Please. It was the only idea Jere had. The only solution he had been able to come up with.

"Bojan?" He didn't like how shaky his voice was.

"Yeah?"

"I... I have idea."

"Yeah?"

"Can I... can... can I work for you?"

"What?" Bojan sounded... confused?

"I can bring you thing. I can help. I do all you say, I promise."

Bojan's arms let go of him as he moved to look at Jere. "Jere, what?!" Oh no.

Jere looked away in shame. "I... I..." He shouldn't have asked. His boyfriend obviously didn't like the idea. "I can good. I do all you want."

"Jere, no." Oh no, Bojan was upset, wasn't he? He didn't want him to work for him. He didn't...

"Please, Jere. Listen."

Jere could only nod, too scared of what his boyfriend might say now. He didn't want him to live close to him, didn't he? He didn't...

"I don't want you as a servant, I want you as my boyfriend." Oh.

"And I don't want you to do everything I say, Jere. Being in a relationship isn't about that. It isn't about you doing all I want."

Jere frowned, trying to get what his boyfriend's words meant. He shouldn't do what he said? But what else should he do? He wanted Bojan to like him.

"Jere, do you understand?"

No, not really. "You not happy. I excuse, I want am good."

Bojan sighed. "But that's the point. Being in a relationship is not about me telling you what you have to do. It's about talking about it together and deciding together." Oh.

"Please, Jere, I... I'm trying... but I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I want you to tell me what you want, what you like, and what you don't like. I want you to say stop immediately if you feel uncomfortable. Please promise me you will tell me to stop. I won't run away, Jere. Never. I promise."

Jere needed a moment to process what his boyfriend had just said, and the more he understood, the more he had to fight against tears.

Why was Bojan so good to him? How did he deserve such a lovely and gentle boyfriend? How did he deserve all this love?

"I love you." He felt the tears welling up in his eyes. "Rakastan sua. And... wait... I know... Ljubim te."

He felt Bojan freeze. Oh. Oh no, had he said something wrong? Had he mispronounced it? Had he mixed up some letters? Was it the wrong language? Or did Bojan not want him speak it?

Jere looked down. Why had he done this? How had he thought that would be a good idea? Surely, there was a reason why he had never heard Bojan speaking that language. Why had he been so stupid to destroy this moment?!

"Jere, where... I mean... how... What?!"

"I... I say wrong?"

"No. No, you didn't. It was correct... really good actually. But... how? How do you know that?"

"I... New friend... friends tell me. They speak."

"Wait... You asked other passengers?"

"Öö... yes, we speak language, I say Finnish, I ask, they say."

"Oh." Bojan looked surprised.

"We third class. Bad English. We try speak. Speak my language, speak they language, try English language. We find way."

"Oh."

"Yes yes." Jere nodded.

"That sounds... I don't know... difficult..."

"No. No diffi... diff... difficult... Good, yes. People very friend here. You can say all language. All good."

"Hm..."

"Yes yes, good good."

"Nobody is judging you?"

"Tsatsin?" Jere had no idea what that word meant, and he was sure he failed pronouncing it.

"Nobody is talking bad about your English?"

"No no." At least no other passengers.

"Oh, that sounds great."

"Yes yes, great." It really was. Especially if one didn't speak English very well. And it also was interesting to hear all the other languages. Jere really would like to know why his boyfriend didn't talk about his mother tongue. Did he think it sounded so bad?

"And people don't misunderstand each other? Or fight?"

"If problem, you ask, people help, people understand. Why fight?" There was no reason to fight.

"I don't know. I was just thinking."

For some moments, there was silence. No one said a word. Jere's mind though couldn't stop thinking. He wanted to know more about Bojan's language. How did it sound from his mouth? Why did his boyfriend not talk about it? What was the problem? Would he ever hear him speak it?

"You speak Slovenia, yes?" He needed to ask, hoping so much his boyfriend wouldn't get upset.

"Yeah."

A very short answer. Not telling much. But at least not sounding angry. Maybe Jere could continue asking? He didn't want to annoy. He only wanted to get to know his boyfriend better, that was all.

Sometimes he felt like even though they had been together for quite a while now, he still didn't know him. And how bad was it to not really know your own boyfriend?!

"You speak with family?"

"No." Not? What?

"I not understand."

Bojan sighed, hesitating. "Why... why do you need to know that?"

"Not need. Just want know you."

Bojan frowned. "But... you do know me?"

"Yes yes, I know. I know all you say, all here." He pointed at his head.

"What's the problem then?"

Oh no, that was going into a very wrong direction. "I... I just... just think you know all... my life, and I... I not. Not thing... family or friend or home or..."

"You... You will never meet my family." Oh no. No no no.

Why had he been so stupid? Why had he asked? Why hadn't he just stayed quiet? He should be glad that Bojan was here instead of always asking more and more from him. He didn't deserve him. How could he ever make up for that?

"I excuse... I... I not..." Jere tried to get up but he was stopped by his boyfriend.

"No, Jere, wait. I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I... uh... I think I get what you mean, yeah." Oh.

"Yes?" Jere hadn't messed up completely?

"Yeah, I... I told you to tell me what you want, and I mean it. Please do. And... yeah. You're right, I haven't told you much about my family or my childhood. It's complicated. But if you... if you want to know, I'll tell you."

"Really?" Jere could hardly believe it.

"Yeah, but I can say it's not that interesting."

"Okay." Jere nodded. "I hear, yes yes." Maybe Bojan didn't consider his own story to be interesting but Jere was sure it was. At least for him it was for sure.

Chapter Text

Bojan hadn't regarded it as important to tell Jere about his family or his childhood. After all, that time was long gone, and his family wasn't here and wouldn't come for a visit.

He had mentioned his friends maybe a few times but they hadn't known about his relationship and it had been very unlikely for Jere to ever meet them, so he hadn't regarded it as important either.

However, now Jere had asked.

And his friends had asked if they could meet Jere.

Bojan still wasn't sure whether that was a good idea. To be able to meet, they first needed to be at the same place, which was difficult and risky. Either he had to bring his friends here to Jere's cabin or Jere had to come over to the second class.

Bojan didn't know which version was worse. The more people sneaking into the wrong class, the higher the risk. But the thought of Jere being caught in the second class area... No, he didn't even want to think about it.

It surely would be seen as worse than a group of second class passengers getting lost and ending up in the third class.

"Bojan?" Jere snapped him out of his thoughts. Oh right, his boyfriend was waiting for the story.

"Yeah, uh..." Where should he start? What should he tell? "You're right, I do speak Slovenian. I've probably told you that at some point?"

He saw Jere nod. "Yes, you say."

"I told you the truth. It's what I speak with my friends. My friends who are on the ship too."

"Oh. They... from same?"

"They speak Slovenian too. I've known them since many years, we moved to the town together."

"Oh, good friends."

"Yeah, best friends. We met when we lived... uh... far away." The name of the city probably wouldn't ring any bells with Jere.

"Far... like Finland?"

"Not Finland, no. More in the South."

"Oh. What name?"

"Ljubljana."

"Oh, I not know." Jere looked apologetically. "I excuse."

"No need to apologize. It's just a small city, you don't need to know it. I'm not sure if anyone else here on the ship knows it."

"Oh, not country?"

"No, the country is Austria-Hungary."

Jere seemed to be thinking. "I think I know, I hear before. Big country?"

"Yeah, very big, and..." How should he explain it that his boyfriend would understand? "Many different people. Groups with different traditions, languages, and religions."

Jere nodded. "I think my new friends from country too. They speak language and tell me word. They from... Tsälje. Maybe I say wrong. They say country name too but I not understand. And they say they not German."

"Yeah, probably it's the same country." At least it sounded at lot like it was.

"Yes yes." Jere looked like he wanted to add something but was too scared to do so.

To encourage him to speak, Bojan softly caressed his boyfriend's arm. "You can say it. Whatever it is."

"Why... why you and family not speak? Where family?"

"Uh... Wait, it's not that we don't speak with each other at all. I mean, they didn't move with me and my friends but I can write letters to my parents. I do write letters." At least he tried to. Sometimes. Maybe not often enough.

Probably not often enough.

"Yes yes." Jere nodded.

"My family is from Serbia, I think. Not me, or at least I'm not really... I grew up in Ljubljana but my parents told me that our family is from there and that this is why we speak Serbian."

"Oh. And language very different?"

"Very different from English, yeah. Not so much different from Slovenian but still not close enough that everyone could speak both. There are languages in that region that are closer."

"Oh. You know very... very much thing. You... öö... What right word?"

"Smart? Don't know if I am." Bojan laughed.

"Yes, you smart."

"Hmm... Mostly, I just feel confused. I don't really belong anywhere. I don't think I'm really Serbian, I'm not Austro-Hungarian, I'm not even sure what that means except for just living there, and I'm definitely not British."

He had never told that to anyone but somehow it felt right to tell it to his boyfriend now. "There's someone from Serbia on this ship and he wanted to know where I was from and I had no idea what to answer. Because I don't know."

"Oh..." Jere seemed to think. "You are you. You perfect. Maybe you can say what you want?"

"Hmm..." He couldn't really think of a country he wanted to belong to. However, he definitely knew a person he wanted to belong to. "Then I say you."

"Bojan." Jere giggled. "I not country."

Bojan grinned. "I know, and a very good thing about that is that I can take you with me."

"Yes yes, take me. I go all place."

"That's good." Bojan's grin grew wider. "First, I'll take you to America. Because that's where this ship is going, I can't change that."

"Bojan want tell ship where go." Jere giggled, and Bojan couldn't take his eyes away from him.

Oh, he loved this man. He loved him so much, and it made him endlessly happy to see his boyfriend joyful like this. Jere was gorgeous. His shining eyes could brighten up the day and his giggles turn a bad day into a good one.

Bojan wanted to kiss him so bad.

"Bojan, you kapteeni?"

"No." He laughed. "I'd be a very bad captain. I have no idea how a ship works. You better not let me near the steering wheel if you want to get to America in one piece."

"Okay." Jere nodded, smiling. "You stay here, I look."

"Oh, please do. And also... please kiss me, that would definitely be the most effective way to keep me away from the steering wheel."

"Yes!" Jere raised his head and moved into another position to finally press his lips on Bojan's.

Bojan immediately kissed him back, pulling his boyfriend closer, not willing to ever let him go. There was no thought in his mind anymore. Only Jere and love.

So much love.

His hands travelled over his boyfriend's back, over the shirt he was wearing that actually was Bojan's. Cute. Furter, to the hem of the shirt, slowly finding their way under the fabric.

Jere's lips parted easily, letting Bojan's tongue in, muffling the little sounds. Jere was now lying completely on top of him, body pressed against his, and Bojan could feel his blood rushing south.

When they had to break the kiss for breathing, Jere looked him in the eye, not bringing more distance between them than necessary. "I love you. So much."

Bojan had no idea how he had deserved this. He had no idea what he had done to deserve having Jere in his life. Having him here, being able to call him his boyfriend. But he knew whatever he had done, he had done it so so right.

He hoped Jere could see how much he meant to him. How much he loved him. He wanted him to know.

"Volim te."

For a moment, Jere looked confused, probably trying to remember if he had ever heard those words before. He probably hadn't because Bojan had always only spoken English with him.

"It's 'I love you'. In Serbian. Because you already know it in Slovenian. And it's... it's more meaningful than in English."

"Oh." Jere's eyes grew big, and a large smile spread on his face. "Oh. Say... again?"

"Volim te, Jere." He had never thought it could ever feel so good and right to say those words.

"Vo..." His boyfriend tried to repeat it. Oh.

"Volim."

"Vo-lim."

"Te."

"Te."

"Yeah. Volim te."

"Volim te."

"Yeah! That was perfect!" There was something about Jere saying those meaningful words in Bojan's mother tongue that made him have to fight tears.

Jere looked at him with honest, loving eyes. "I not forget. I promise. Volim te. Ljubim te. Aina."

That was enough to fill his eyes with tears, and it was impossible to stop them from falling. Quickly, he looked away and tried to hide his face behind his hands.

Why was he crying?! He wasn't allowed to cry. Jere shouldn't see this. What would he think of him crying like a baby? Crying because of this?

However, it was too late. He could already hear Jere's worried voice. "Bojan? You okay? You cry?"

Oh no.

"No." Bojan automatically shook his head. "I'm fine."

"I can see. Please not lie."

Bojan sighed, his lie already crumbling down. "Okay, I am. But because I am so happy."

"Yes?"

"Yeah, so please just look away and ignore."

"But... why? You happy, you cry. That okay. What problem?"

It was a problem because he was ashamed. Because he did not want to cry. Because he didn't want to be weak. Because he was scared to be vulnerable, and he had already told more than he had ever before.

However, he didn't say that. He just mumbled a short answer. "I don't want to."

"I see. But cry is normal. Very okay. All people cry. You can cry sad, and you can cry happy. No problem. All good."

"No." It was not good. If people knew, everybody would laugh at him. Probably not his friends, they had known him since forever and had already seen him cry, but everybody else.

"Why no?"

"I'm a failure."

Jere frowned, shaking his head. "No, you not. You very not. You not if you cry, and you not if you not cry. Why you think that?"

He sighed. "Because I'm not like I'm supposed to be."

"What that?"

"I'm not like I should be."

"What you should be? You very smart. You help. You understand. You friend. You do good thing. Much good thing."

Of course, his boyfriend didn't understand. But how could he when Bojan had never told him? "My own friends don't talk to me anymore. And my family would hate me if they knew what I'm doing."

"Go Amerikka?"

Bojan sighed. "No, not that. Well, maybe my parents would have preferred me to stay closer to them. But no, that's not the point. They hate me because I refuse to marry some girl that I cannot even love, and because I haven't achieved anything in my life."

After his words, there was silence. Jere didn't answer. He didn't say anything anymore, and Bojan immediately regretted his words. Why had he said that? What if Jere hated him too now?

He didn't dare to look at him. He didn't dare to say anything but was frantically searching for words he could say. However, he didn't find any.

Suddenly, Jere spoke up again, sounding insecure. "You not love girl but people want you marry. You not want, and you think they hate you, yes?" He hesitated, voice trembling. "If... if better, we can... not... not see again?"

"No!" Bojan couldn't remember ever having answered that fast. "No, please. I need you. And it... it wouldn't solve anything because... uh... you know, I am not... uh... I'm not into girls at all."

"Oh, yes. You... you know what you want?"

"Yeah." Bojan didn't have to think about it, he knew very well what he wanted. "You."

"And you... happy?"

"Of course, I am! You make me so happy, I don't even have words to describe it." If only there weren't other people's expectations.

"You make me so happy too! And I... siinä... I think... you know what you want and what make you happy. Maybe you... do what you want and not what people want. Because you say what you do, this you life. You tell me stop think I ugly because people say. Maybe you stop too? Not easy, yes. I know. And law danger... but maybe... yes?" He smiled shyly.

Bojan swallowed. Jere was right. Either he would end up in an unhappy marriage that would make neither him nor the girl happy or he could stay with Jere and risk other people hating him for being happy.

He knew what he wanted for himself.

He wanted to be happy.

"I'd rather run to the end of the world than getting married."

"I run to end of world too."

Bojan smiled, squeezing Jere's hand. "Okay, let's run to the end of the world together."

Jere smiled back. "Yes. I ready."

However, today they couldn't run to the end of the world together. Today, Bojan still had to go back to his cabin. Today, he still had to leave. Today, they were still running out of time.

Their time would come. They would see each other again soon. There would be many hellos. Unfortunately, also many goodbyes. But only for now. At some point, they wouldn't have to say goodbye anymore.

However, now Bojan was standing in the corridor, on the way back to the gate. There were no people in sight. Of course, there weren't, it was middle of the night. Time to be asleep. Not time to sneak out of other people's cabins.

He could only hope that no one would see him. Because if anybody did, they for sure would get suspicious. There was no way they would consider it to be normal to walk around here at this time of the night.

Because it simply wasn't.

Quickly, he walked along the corridor, towards the gate. He just had to get back into his cabin, then he would be safe. Just back to the gate that hopefully was still unlocked, back to the second class, and back to his cabin.

He wished he could have stayed with Jere. Just a little longer. Only one night. Just one time falling asleep with him and one time waking up next to him.

They had never spent a night together. It had never been an option. Nothing to even talk about. Jere had lived with his brother and Bojan had always had to leave the place when Mikke had come back home.

Well, Mikke hadn't told him to go but it wouldn't have worked. There hadn't been enough space and they had always kept some distance when Jere's brother had been there.

However, that time was over now. Mikke wasn't here. They were on this huge ship on the way to a new life. He hoped for Jere that he would see his brother again but he knew that nothing about that was for sure.

Now his boyfriend had a cabin where he was alone and it actually would be possible for them to spend the night together, wouldn't it? Bojan would just have to find a way to get back to his own cabin in the morning. But it would work, wouldn't it?

Finally, he reached the gate. Quickly, he looked around but there was still nobody in sight. The gate actually wasn't locked, so it only took him a few seconds to sneak back into the second class area. Back to where he was supposed to be.

But where he didn't want to be.

At least not without Jere.

As quietly as possible, he closed the gate behind himself. However, he didn't lock it. An unlocked gate could be opened way more quickly and also without bringing a key, and he was sure he would visit Jere again soon.

He was wearing his own clothes again. He had had to change back because Jere surely was right that it would have been too suspicious otherwise. But still Bojan wished they could have kept them swapped.

Finally, he reached his cabin and quietly opened the door. Martin was probably asleep, so he had to be careful not to wake him up.

As quietly as possible, he closed the door behind himself again. And startled when he suddenly heard his friend's voice. "Bojči, where have you been?"

"I... uh... I..." Bojan couldn't find any words.

"Don't worry, I haven't told anyone that you haven't been here."

"I was... uh..." Bojan hesitated. He could tell his friend, couldn't he? "I was with my boyfriend."

"For so long? Didn't people see you?"

"No, I... uh... please don't tell anyone... I... I was in his cabin."

"Wait. Wait. Didn't you say he has a third class cabin?"

Bojan swallowed. "Yeah, he has."

"And you... you went to third class?!" Martin was obviously shocked.

"Yeah." Bojan nodded. His friend wouldn't report him, would he?

"But... how? No, wait. I don't even want to know. Please don't tell me." He shook his head in disbelief. "You're so... That's crazy, Bojan."

"I know."

Martin sighed. "Is there anything I can do to stop you from doing it again?"

"No." No, there wasn't. There definitely wasn't. Bojan had already been planning his next visit.

"That's what I feared." Martin sighed again, giving up. "Please be at least careful, okay?"

"Of course." He would be. He didn't want to put anyone into danger, he just wanted to be with his boyfriend, that was all.

Chapter Text

Jere had been thinking about last night's conversation a lot. He felt like in only a few minutes he had learned more about his boyfriend than in months before.

Never had Bojan been so open about those topics. Never had he shown himself so vulnerable.

Jere had assumed that Bojan maybe wasn't always so confident and sure about everything he wanted and did. Nobody could be, couldn't they?

But alone the fact that he regularly went to poor people's parts of town and treated people there with kindness, at least as far as Jere knew, showed that he was nice and different from the other rich people.

And there was even more. He had wanted to spend time with Jere and get to know him, he was always so gentle and seemed to really care about him, making Jere feel valuable despite everything else shouting at him that he was worth less than the dirt in the street.

Over and over again, his boyfriend had told him not to listen to people who treated him badly. That they were wrong. That there was no reason to be mean to him.

That the two of them would stay together no matter what society said about same sex couples. That their love wasn't wrong. Because how could it be wrong when they were happy? Who were those people to judge them for something that didn't even affect anyone but the two of them?

What Bojan had said and the way he had said it had made sense.

Jere had no idea where Bojan had got this wisdom from and how he managed to have such a positive image of something everybody was taking badly about.

It was a mystery.

However, of course, Bojan wasn't unaffected by society and its rules.

"I am a failure. My own friends don't talk to me anymore. And my family would hate me if they knew what I'm doing."

It had hurt to hear that. Not because Bojan was saying that Jere wasn't good enough to be accepted by his family. No, he had already known that he couldn't possibly be enough. But it had hurt to see how sad his boyfriend was.

Because of him.

One more time, Jere had wished so bad he was a rich girl. Good enough to deserve to be with Bojan.

"They hate me because I refuse to marry some girl."

It could have been so easy.

I could. But it wasn't.

Bojan had talked about his family and past. Jere had finally dared to ask questions and his boyfriend had answered. So, maybe Jere hadn't been the problem. Maybe it was just a complicated and confusing topic, difficult to talk about.

Maybe it wasn't about keeping some distance between them and keeping the possibility to disappear as soon as he didn't feel like seeing Jere anymore.

"I need you. I want you. You make me so happy."

Oh, Jere was happy too. So so happy. If only people would let them be.

"Please kiss me."

Yes, of course!

If only they were allowed to.

"I'd rather run to the end of the world than getting married."

Yes. Mäkin. Jere would too. Immediately.

Not that there was a chance that anyone would want to marry him anyway.

"Let's run to the end of the world together."

Was Bojan actually serious about that? If he was, Jere knew there was only one answer to that. He didn't even have to think about it, his heart already knew what it wanted.

Yes.

He would follow him anywhere.

Because he wanted to be with his boyfriend.

He wanted love.

And Bojan wanted him too. It was hard to believe but somehow it seemed to be true.

No, it was true.

He should finally stop doubting. There was no reason not to believe his boyfriend. The only thing that made him doubt was Jere himself.

He needed some... What had Bojan said? The thing about thinking better of himself? Self-confi... confien... confi-ens?

Itseluottamus.

Probably, it meant something like that.

It was hard. Not something that fitted a poor person like him. He had learned that he was in this world for nothing but doing what the rich people wanted. He had to do what they said if he liked to have a chance to survive.

And now there was his boyfriend saying he should tell him what Jere wanted. To say stop if he felt uncomfortable and promising to stop immediately.

"I won't run away, Jere. Never."

So, he could really say stop without any bad consequences? He could say no, even to something his boyfriend wanted to do? Not that he had ever wanted him to stop, no, Bojan had always made him feel so good, but just the fact that it was a real option made him love this man even more.

And Bojan loved him too.

He had said it many times. He had shown it to him many times. Now, he had even taught him how to say it in his native language.

"Volim te."

Jere would never forget these words.

He would never forget how they sounded coming from his boyfriend. Addressed to him with so much love that even the part in Jere's mind that was always shouting how worthless he was had been very quiet.

Bojan loved him.

He meant it. He wanted to be with him. He didn't want a way out, he wanted a way they could go together. Or run if needed.

But together.

Wherever that way would lead them.

For the maybe first time in his life, Jere felt real hope that better times were about to come.

He hadn't felt hope when he had followed Mikke to England. He had been way too scared and overwhelmed by the new place in the foreign country whose language he hadn't understood.

He had felt a little bit of hope when he had met Bojan and they had become boyfriends. But everything had been shadowed by the huge fear that Bojan would leave him as soon as this adventure wasn't exciting enough to him anymore. Overshadowed by Jere knowing he wasn't good enough for Bojan.

But now, he was slowly realising that this was real. He had an amazing boyfriend who loved him and wanted to be with him. They were on the way to a new life. Together. They wouldn't lose each other, and Bojan wouldn't leave him.

There was hope.

Now, it would finally get better.

Moving to America was scary, a huge step, Jere still barely spoke the language, and he wasn't sure what to expect but Bojan had promised to stay with him, and with his boyfriend at his side, he would be able to do this.

Despite not having slept that much because there had been more important things to do, Jere hadn't been too tired in the morning. He had gotten up on time, dressed properly for breakfast, gone to the dining saloon, and enjoyed the delicious meal.

He had spent time in his cabin, thinking about his boyfriend and about how lucky he was to have him. He had gone for a little walk on deck, looked at the huge ocean, and decided that he wanted to get better at English and writing.

It would be useful for his new life in America.

Maybe Bojan would be proud of him getting better. Maybe he would help him learning. He was already getting better at speaking since he was practicing with Bojan.

After dinner, Jere sat down with a pen and a piece of paper. He knew he could read. Very slowly and not well, but he was able to decipher words on a paper. Mostly.

Writing though was something else. It was more difficult; he didn't only have to recognise the letters when he saw them but he had to know them. From memory.

Maybe he should start with his own name.

'jere'

Yes, that looked about right.

'hei olen jere'

Yes. But that was Finnish. He had wanted to write in English.

'helo ai'

No, that looked wrong.

'i jere'

Maybe like that?

And how could he write 'olen laivalla' in English?

'i'

And something with "ship". But what? How?

'ip'

Yes. But how to write the "sh" sound? What letter was that? What did it look like? Jere didn't know. And no matter how long he thought about it, he couldn't find an answer.

Maybe he should try something else.

'i laf ju'

No. No, that looked terribly wrong.

And he didn't even know why. He didn't know what he had to change to make it look right.

Perhaps he should not write in English when he had no idea about spelling.

'ni' 'mike' 'mikke'

The last one didn't look so wrong, did it?

'pojan' 'bojan' 'poian'

Trying to write his boyfriend's name, he realised that he didn't even know how to spell it. How embarrassing. Since how long had they been together? How could he really not even know how to write Bojan's name?!

Maybe he should stop, he probably didn't even know all the letters.

'j e r n m i k s p b o'

That surely wasn't all.

'l a f'

Still probably not the whole alphabet. But he couldn't think of any other letters.

'apua'

Yes, he would definitely need help if he wanted to learn this.

In theory, he could ask Bojan but his boyfriend surely had better things to do and it would be extremely embarrassing to show him how stupid Jere was.

Maybe he simply had to accept that people like him weren't meant to learn how to write. Maybe he just had to give up.

He wouldn't get a job where he needed to write anyway. He wouldn't have the money to send letters to Mikke anyway.

He didn't need to be able to write.

It was fine.

After supper, Jere went to the gate, hoping to see Bojan. However, there was no one to be seen. Maybe... he would come later.

He would come. If it was possible, his boyfriend would come. He would. That part in Jere that was shouting that Bojan had seen his little cabin and was disgusted was wrong.

He shouldn't listen to those mean thoughts.

He shouldn't...

Oh!

Bojan! There he was!

Relieved, Jere smiled. He was here. He had come. Now, Bojan had seen him too and smiled back, walking towards the gate. Jere's gaze fell on his boyfriend's clothes. Bojan was wearing the same as the night before. Clothes he used to visit Jere.

Did that mean he...?

"Hi." Bojan whispered. "I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"No no, not long." Jere shook his head. He had been waiting the whole day but only a few minutes in front of the gate.

"Good." Bojan smiled.

Jere couldn't wait. He had to know. "You come here?"

Hopefully, he was allowed to ask. Hopefully, his boyfriend wouldn't be mad at him for the question. Hopefully, he wouldn't think he required that he took the risk and spent time in the bad part of the ship.

However, Bojan didn't look annoyed at all. He quickly glanced around. "Yeah. If that's okay."

"Yes yes, very okay." Jere nodded happily. He would never be able to say no to spending time with his boyfriend.

Bojan looked around again and then tried to open the gate. To Jere's surprise, it wasn't locked. Easily, Bojan sneaked over into the third class and closed the door behind himself.

"Now cabin, yes?" Jere looked around but no one seemed to have noticed them.

"Yeah." Bojan nodded and they started walking into the direction of Jere's cabin.

It had worked the day before. It had ended well. Very well. But that didn't necessarily mean that their plan would work today as well. Maybe they had just been lucky.

Maybe they...

"Hello!" "Jere!" "Hallo!"

Under other circumstances, Jere would have been happy to see the Germans but in this moment, he wished they were in their cabin or on deck or anywhere. Just not standing here in the corridor.

However, he smiled friendly. "Hello."

He had to act like there was nothing. Be inconspicuous. Everything was fine. He was just walking along the corridor with a friend. No reason to worry. Nothing illegal.

"We go Rauch... smoke room. Come you too?"

Jere shook his head. "No, thank you."

"Okay." Klaas nodded.

Niklas seemed to have noticed Bojan standing behind Jere. "Oh, you friend?"

Quickly, Jere nodded. "Yes yes, friend."

"I am happy you find friend!"

Jere smiled slightly. Right, he had told he was alone here, so he had to act like he had just met Bojan here on the ship.

The men were very friendly and he usually would like to talk to them but now he didn't have the time. Now, he needed to get to his cabin with his boyfriend as quickly as possible.

The Germans also greeted Bojan. "Hello." "Good evening!" "Hello, I Gerrit. And you?"

"Bojan."

"Good meet you!" "Where you... äh... come?"

Bojan hesitated, and Jere wasn't sure if it was because of the question or because he felt uncomfortable in general.

"Niklas, vielleicht spricht er kein Englisch."

"Oh. Entschuldigung. Speak you English?"

Bojan nodded.

"You can come smoke room too!"

"Thank you." Bojan smiled. "Maybe some other time."

Before anyone could answer, they heard an annoyed voice shouting. "What are you doing here?! This is a corridor, not a meeting room!"

Startled, Jere turned around and looked into the face of the crew man who had pushed him away from the gate. The man grabbed Bojan, who was standing closest to him.

Terrified, Bojan looked at the man, not saying a word.

For a moment, Jere stared at them in shock, then he made a step towards the man, not even thinking about the risk he was taking.

He needed to help his boyfriend. If the man realised that Bojan didn't belong here... That would be the worst. And everything was Jere's fault.

"Please, let... go. He not do bad thing." Jere looked at the crew man, hoping he didn't recognise him.

Bojan nodded, still not saying anything.

The man grumbled.

Jere had expected the Germans to leave quickly and quietly in order to not get in trouble but no one of them did. Instead, they started talking to the man too.

"Please, let go. We go." "He just stand, he good man." "He go cabin." "We all go. Promise!"

The crew man grumbled again, now looking at Bojan closely. Jere held his breath. What if he noticed now? What if he realised?

However, the man only shook his head in annoyance. "You are going to leave, do you understand? You understand?!" Then he looked at the others. "All of you!"

Quickly, they nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, go!" The man let go of Bojan, pushing him towards Jere.

Bojan stumbled, and if Jere hadn't caught him, he would probably have fallen.

Jere wanted to apologise and make sure that his boyfriend was okay but the crew man was still watching and he knew they had to leave as fast as possible.

The Germans moved first and Jere followed quickly, gently pulling Bojan along. The man's gaze followed them for a second, then he turned around and walked into the opposite direction.

"Entschuldigung, not want... this." Jere didn't understand the first word but he assumed Chris was apologising.

Jere shook his head. "Not you fault."

"We see later? Maybe nächst day?"

"Yes yes." Jere nodded. "You friend."

"Thank you. Good night!" "Night, Jere and friend!"

"Good night!"

They reached Jere's cabin without further incidents. Quickly, Jere opened the door and made sure to close it again when they were inside the cabin.

Finally safe.

Or at least as safe as possible.

Bojan still hadn't said a word, and Jere was scared. The silence meant that his boyfriend was either very unwell or mad at him, didn't it?

"You sit bed?" Jere pointed at his bed. Bojan nodded, so he guided him to the bed and made him sit down.

"Bojan, I excuse so so much. I not want that, I not want you hurt. I excuse. Please not hate me. I do all you want. Please." With pleading eyes, he looked at his boyfriend.

Please, he couldn't lose him.

Please, he couldn't do this alone.

Please, please!

Finally, Bojan spoke up. "I don't hate you."

"But you... you angry? Sad?" Unfortunately, Jere's knowledge of English words was very limited.

"Jere, I..." Bojan stopped, not looking at him.

It was silent.

Too silent.

Bojan didn't continue his sentence, and Jere felt nauseous. He had wanted to stop doubting. He had wanted to believe that they could do this together. He had had hope.

Now, everything was gone and he was standing here, not knowing what to do. Was this the end?

This couldn't be it. Please not.

There had to be something.

"Please say thing. I do all you want. Please, I promise."

"Jere, no."

Did that mean he had already lost? There was nothing he could do anymore? Bojan had finally realised that Jere's world wasn't good for him?

Jere didn't dare to say anything. Quietly, he made a step back, desperately trying to find a way to make it better.

However, he didn't get far. Suddenly, he felt Bojan's hand on his arm. "Please don't go."

Confused, Jere stopped and turned back. Bojan didn't want him to go?

"Can you... please come here?" Bojan looked at him with pleading eyes, and Jere couldn't help but nod.

"Yes yes. I come." He sat down on the bed and Bojan immediately moved closer, leaning against him.

Jere was confused. What did that mean? Did he still have a chance? He didn't dare to ask.

After a while, Bojan finally spoke up. "I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry, Jere. I'm... I don't know... I thought he would notice. I thought that's it. I thought they would arrest us."

Jere nodded. "I think too. But we here now. We safe, yes?"

"Yeah, we are. We are... But that man... He..." Bojan stopped.

"I excuse very much he hurt you. I want make better. I want make you happy." What did he have to do to make Bojan feel good again?

"I'm... I'm okay. Don't worry about me. I just... I don't understand why he got so angry..."

"We stand corridor. He not like."

"He could have just talked to us."

Jere would have agreed with that if he didn't know better. "He think we not understand."

"He could have explained."

"He think we stupid."

Bojan sighed. "You don't see it, do you?"

"See? See what?" What did he mean?

"Don't you see that it's wrong to treat people like that?"

"I not do people that!" Jere would never be that mean.

"That's not what I mean. Of course, you don't. But do you think he is right to do that to us?"

"Not to you. He can hurt me. But not you."

"That makes no sense." It did. Couldn't Bojan see the difference?

"That make sense. That third class, you not."

"No, it doesn't. We are both people, humans. And you don't treat people like that. I don't understand why you don't care."

"I care! I not want you hurt!"

"But you don't care when they hurt you. Why?"

"I..." Because there was no use in thinking about that. Because the world was just as it was, he couldn't change that. "I give up?"

"You shouldn't."

"Bojan." Jere shook his head. "I can not do. I want live, not fight. I see I only little poor man. I not know other. I tired."

Bojan mumbled something incomprehensible.

Then he hugged Jere. "I'm sorry. I don't want to put pressure on you or blame you. It's not your fault. I just want you to be happy."

"I happy with you."

"I'm happy with you too. And I told you I'm not running away. I mean it. We stay together, yeah?"

"Yes!" Jere smiled. "Together."

And then, finally, he felt Bojan's lips on his. He immediately kissed him back, and all worries left his mind. Now was not the time to worry, now he had other things to do.

They parted to breathe. Bojan smiled. "How was your day?"

"My day... öö... good day, yes." Except for the incident with the crew man and the failed attempt to write. Oh.

The paper!

Where had he put it?

Looking around, he spotted it at the end of his bed and quickly tried to put it away. Why hadn't he thought of that before? Why had he put that embarrassing proof of his stupidness right in front of his boyfriend's eyes?

And where could he put it now?

There was nowhere...

"What's that?" Oh no, it was too late, Bojan had seen it.

"No no." Jere felt his face heat up.

"A piece of paper? What's on it?"

"No no. No see."

"Okay?" Bojan frowned. "But... why?"

Jere tried to hide his face behind the paper in shame. Because it was embarrassing that he had failed writing such short and easy words and his writing looked so bad he wasn't sure if his boyfriend would even be able to recognise a letter.

"Jere, did something happen?" Now, Bojan sounded worried. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yes. No. I..." Oh no, what was Bojan thinking that could be on the paper? Probably, he was imaging things that were even worse than reality.

"Okay." Jere sighed. "I say. I try write and it very bad."

"Oh." Bojan started to smile. "Can I see? Maybe I can help you?"

"I not know." Jere hesitated. "It bad."

"You're learning. Of course, it's not perfect on the first try."

"Okay, yes." Jere looked at him. "But please not laugh."

"Of course not! I promise."

Jere let his boyfriend take the piece of paper and hid his face in his hands. It was so embarrassing. There was even Bojan's name on that paper. In a terribly misspelled version.

"It's not bad." Bojan broke the silence. "Jere, please look at me." He gently took Jere's hands and looked him in the eye.

"Yes?" Jere wanted to run away but he didn't move.

"It's not bad. I can help you if you want. Uh... well, not with Finnish... but with English."

"Oh, yes yes." Jere smiled shyly. "You read? And... understand?"

"Sure." Bojan smiled. "It's... 'Jere' and... uh... tell me if I mispronounce it... 'hei olen Jere'?"

"Yes yes." Jere nodded. How could his boyfriend's pronunciation be so good when he didn't speak Finnish?

"And then 'hello' and... oh, 'hello, I'm Jere'."

"Yes yes. But I write wrong, yes?"

"Just little mistakes. I... uh... can I write on the paper?"

"Yes yes." Jere nodded and gave him the pen. "I look and learn, yes?"

"Perfect." Bojan smiled. "It's 'hello' with double 'l'. I mean with two 'l'."

"Oh." Jere nodded, trying to memorise it.

"And 'I' is just one letter, like you did it here. And then you add 'am'. 'I am Jere'."

"I am Jere."

"Exactly! Very good!" Bojan pressed a little kiss on Jere's cheek, and Jere grinned happily.

Then his boyfriend looked at the paper again. "Hmm... I'm not sure I understand this. It's 'I' and 'ip'?"

"Oh." Jere nodded. "I want write 'ship' but I not know 'sh'."

"Oh, I see. 'I am on the ship'?"

"Yes!" Jere smiled, glad that his boyfriend understood him.

"Do you want to write it?"

"I not know." Unsure, Jere looked from his boyfriend to the paper and back to his boyfriend. "You help?"

"Of course." Bojan nodded.

"Okay. Yes." Jere took pen and paper. "I write... öö... I am ship?"

"I am on the ship."

"Yes, I am on the ship." He could do this. He could write those words on the paper.

'i am on'

"What 'the' and 'sh'?"

"Wait, I'll show you." Bojan took the pen. "It's like this."

'the' 'sh'

"Oh, I understand. Yes yes." Jere nodded and finished writing his sentence.

'the ship'

"Perfect!" Bojan smiled. "Should I go on?"

"Go?" Where did he want to go?

"No, I mean, should I continue reading?"

"Oh." Now, Jere understood. "Yes, please."

"Okay." Bojan looked at the paper. "That's 'I' and... uh... Is that Finnish? 'Laf ju'? Oh. Oh, it's 'I love you'?"

"Yes yes." Jere nodded. "You say what right?"

"Of course!" Bojan started writing, a grin on his face. "Here. Look."

Jere took the paper and read. 'I love you, Jere!'

With a huge smile, he looked at Bojan. "I love you too! So much!"

This time, he got a proper kiss, and he immediately kissed back, leaning closer to his boyfriend. If learning worked like this, he happily wanted to learn a lot more.

When they parted, Bojan looked him in the eye. "I really love you. And you're doing so well."

"Well write or kiss?" It was more a question he asked himself but he accidentally had said it out loud.

Bojan chuckled. "Both. You're great at both." He pressed a gentle kiss on Jere's nose.

Jere giggled. He didn't think of himself as a great kisser, he barely had any experience. Bojan had been his first kiss. The first and only one he had ever kissed.

And his writing was definitely not good. He was trying his best, of course, and he was learning but it wasn't good.

Bojan looked at the paper again. "That's your brother's name. 'Mikke'. But I'm not sure how it's written."

"I think that." Jere pointed at the version with two 'k'.

"Possibly." Bojan nodded and continued reading. "Oh, and that's my name!"

"Yes yes, but I not know." Embarrassed, Jere tried to hide his face behind his hands. "I... very wrong."

"It's the second one."

"What?" Jere frowned in confusion.

"The second version you wrote. It's right."

"Really?" Surprised, Jere took his hands down, looking at his boyfriend.

Bojan smiled. "Yeah, look that's how I write my name." He took the pen.

'Bojan'

"Oh." Jere looked at the words. His boyfriend was right, they looked the same. Except that Bojan had written the first letter in this slightly different way that sometimes was used at the beginning of a word.

'B' instead of 'b'.

But Jere still recognised it as the same letter.

He had written the word correctly!

He could write his boyfriend's name!

"I write right!" A big grin spread on his face.

"You did!" Bojan kissed his cheek. "I'm proud of you!"

Jere's heart skipped a beat, full of happiness and love.

Bojan hadn't laughed at him. He hadn't said that he was stupid and embarrassing. He hadn't been mad that Jere hadn't known how to spell his name. Instead, he had patiently explained it to him with so much love.

Jere truly was the luckiest man in the world to have such a great boyfriend.

Bojan continued reading. "I think that's Finnish? 'Apua'?"

"Yes yes, 'apua'."

"What does it mean?"

"It mean 'help'. Because I... öö... need help."

"I'll always help you. I'll give you all the apua you need."

Jere giggled.

"I promise." Bojan looked at him with honest eyes, and Jere could do nothing but nod. He had to believe it, there was no other option.

His boyfriend's gaze turned to the paper again. "And here we have different letters. The alphabet?"

Jere nodded. "Yes, I want write all letter but I not know."

"Shall we make a list? I could write down all letters and add a word to each. Like this."

'Aa'

He looked at Jere. "Tell me a word that begins with the letter a. Like a..."

"A..." Jere thought about it. "Amerikka!"

"Oh, that's good." Bojan nodded, writing 'America' next to 'Aa'. "And now something with 'b', like b..."

Jere grinned. "I know! Bojan!"

His boyfriend laughed. "Oh, yeah. Good!"

They continued the list until they had a word for every letter of the alphabet. Jere listened carefully, looked at the words, and tried to memorise them.

His boyfriend was so smart! This list was a great idea! If he looked at it every morning and every night, he might actually be able to learn all the letters.

But for now, they had done enough. The list was put away and they lay down on the bed, cuddling and sharing kisses. Jere enjoyed every second of it, and he wished Bojan could stay here with him forever.

Here or anywhere, just together.

"Jere?" Bojan run his hand through Jere's hair.

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking about something. I... I'm not sure if it's even possible. Maybe not. After today, I mean... probably, we shouldn't."

"What?" Jere didn't understand. What was Bojan talking about? What should they not do? He wasn't talking about their relationship, was he?

"My friends. They asked if they could meet you."

"Oh." Jere searched for words but his mind was empty.

Bojan's friends wanted to meet him?!

He definitely hadn't expected that.

"Yeah. They have never met you and they are curious."

"But... They know I boyfriend, not girlfriend?"

"Yeah, I told them I have a boyfriend."

"And... what they say?" Hadn't Bojan said something about his friends not talking to him anymore?

"They... They said I should be careful. I mean... Of course, they are worried. You know the law. But they won't tell anyone."

"They not say stop? They not say no friend? They not..." What was the right word? "...angry? You say other day..."

Bojan sighed. "Yeah, I said... that. But I'm here with five friends. Two of them barely talk to me anymore because of it. The other three are curious and want to meet you."

"Oh." Now he understood. "But they know I third class? They know I poor?"

Bojan nodded. "They do."

Jere looked at him in disbelief. "They know and want meet me? But... Why?"

"Because you're my boyfriend."

"Yes, but... no problem I poor and man? They not think I bad?"

Bojan sighed. "They do have some prejudices, yeah. I'm sorry."

Jere frowned. "What pre...?"

"They don't know you. They have some thoughts, a picture in their minds, an imagination of how they think you are. But they don't know how you actually are."

"They think I bad, yes?"

"Jere..."

He had known it. "You can have better boyfriend. Or girlfriend."

"Jere, please..."

"You need better."

"Jere, no..."

"No? What they think?"

"They..." Bojan hesitated. "They are just worried."

"And what they worry?"

"They are worried because it's illegal. And because..." He sighed. "Yeah, they have heard things about poor people. Everyone has. But it's all lies. I told them it's not true. And if they get to know you, they will see that you're not the way they thought you were."

"But what they think? Poor, ugly, stupid? I this. They hate me."

"You are not ugly and you are not stupid." Bojan didn't look happy, and Jere realised that he had said it again.

Oh no.

"I excuse. I not, yes? Not ugly and stupid, yes yes. But what I do if I see friends? I not know what do! I do all wrong! I never try show rich people I good friend. I not think that work."

"It worked very well with me."

"You special. Good special. I not do thing and you so good and friend."

Jere had never had to convince Bojan that he was a good person. From the very beginning when they had met, Bojan had just been incredibly kind and friendly to him.

"You are you. That's enough to love you."

Really? Jere wasn't so sure about that.

His boyfriend hugged him. "I mean it. If they are fair to you and want to actually get to know you, there is no reason to worry."

"And they want?"

"I hope so. They asked."

Jere had to admit that Bojan was right. It probably was a good sign that it had been them who had asked to meet him.

"And where I meet friends?" So far, they had only talked about what would happen if they met but not about how that would be possible.

"That's... That's a good question." Bojan nodded, thinking. "We probably can't come here, all four of us at the same time. And I don't know if..." He hesitated. "I don't know if I can ask them to take the risk and come here."

Jere wasn't sure if the risk was the only problem here but he didn't say anything about that. Instead, he nodded. "Yes yes, maybe I come you cabin?"

The moment he had said it, he wished he could take it back. Not because he had changed his mind or was too scared to take the risk. No, he really wanted to see Bojan's cabin. He wanted to see his boyfriend's world.

He wanted to see Bojan in Bojan's world.

But that wasn't possible. His boyfriend did not want him there, did he? He had never asked him to come, he had never even brought the topic up. That had to mean he didn't want it, hadn't it?

And Jere didn't fit there.

No matter how many letters he learned or if he swapped clothes with Bojan, he didn't fit into the second class. He would never fit there.

His boyfriend was right, they shouldn't try it. It wouldn't end well. Bojan would be endlessly ashamed of him, and Jere would end up arrested.

It couldn't work.

"Jere, that... I don't know..." Bojan stopped, and Jere looked away. Yes, he really shouldn't have brought the topic up.

"Bad idea, I excuse..."

"No, it's... It's just..."

"All okay, I understand. I know I not second class. That not work. Only down work, second class go third. Not third go second. No problem. You right. Stupid idea."

For a too long moment, it was awfully quiet. Then Bojan spoke up again. "It's not... that. I just... I care so much about you, I don't want to put you in danger. You know it's a big risk to go to another class. I rather want to take that risk myself than make you take it. I want you to be safe."

"I care you too. I want you safe too. But I want see you too."

"I know, Jere. Don't worry, I don't feel forced. I'm coming here because I want to. I've... I've actually never thought about doing it the other way round."

"No?"

"No."

"Because... you not want poor Jere you rich life?"

"Jere, no. I'm not trying to keep you out of any part of my life! I wish I could have you with me always. I just want to protect you."

"And you here more safe, yes? I not safe in second class. Because people see I wrong."

"That's... that's not what I wanted to say. No, that's not what I'm saying."

For a moment, it was quiet. Jere wasn't sure what to think. What was his boyfriend trying to say then? Or was he just trying to find excuses because he didn't want to hurt him? But it was simply the truth.

Jere wanted to say something. He wanted to ask. But he was scared because his boyfriend probably wouldn't like his questions. And he shouldn't say anything that could displease him, should he?

But on the other hand, Bojan had actually said he wanted him to say what he thought, hadn't he? He had said he didn't want him to just nod to everything if he didn't honestly agree.

So, Jere could only do wrong, couldn't he?

"You... you say you want I say what I think, yes?"

"Of course, yeah."

"Okay." Jere swallowed. He would say this. He could say this. It was okay. Bojan wouldn't hate him, would he? "I say if you think I can look like rich person, I can risk too. I can go and meet friends."

"You want... to go to the second class?" Bojan sounded surprised. But at least not angry.

So, Jere could continue, couldn't he? "If you help, yes. Better I go, not you and friends." But he had the feeling that his boyfriend wouldn't allow him to do this.

For a long moment, it was quiet. Bojan seemed to be thinking. Then he finally spoke up. "I see your point."

"Point?" What did his boyfriend see?

"You're right about that. Yeah, you are right. But I'm... I'm just really scared. There's always a chance that something could go wrong and I feel like they would... It's not fair because we would do exactly the same thing but I think they would react differently if they caught you in the second class instead of me in the third."

For sure, they would.

Of course, they would.

"I know." Jere nodded. "I careful they not see."

He had been thinking about this for a while now, he had just been too scared to suggest it to his boyfriend.

Bojan sighed. "Okay. I'll talk to my friends. But my friend called me crazy when I told him where I've been last night, so I'm not sure if they would help us."

"But you help me, yes?"

"Of course." Bojan smiled. "And I'd really love to show you everything!"

Chapter Text

This night was definitely a night of surprises. A few hours earlier, Bojan wouldn't have thought that he would be learning letters with Jere and talking about how to get his boyfriend to his second class cabin.

When he had walked through the gate, he had feared that someone would notice that he wasn't a third class passenger and would arrest him for that but he hadn't expected to be shouted at and pushed for speaking to other passengers in the corridor.

Just because it actually had gone to plan and he had been taken for a third class passenger. Probably, he shouldn't be surprised that poor people were treated like that, Jere had mentioned several times that many people were mean to them.

But still, experiencing it himself was something else. It was shocking and terrifying. He had been unable to do or say anything. He had only stared at the man while the actual third class passengers had helped him and somehow had managed to make the man let him go.

Bojan hadn't even tried to defend himself.

He had been petrified.

And he didn't know how he had gotten to Jere's cabin after that. Well, no, he knew for sure that his boyfriend must have taken him there but he couldn't remember anything of that. He had still been in shock.

And he felt bad for not being able to cope with being treated like that. This had been one time. A few seconds. It had been nothing compared to what Jere and the others had to live with every day.

And still, Bojan had been sitting there in shock while Jere had tried to console him. Probably, his boyfriend was right. This world wasn't for him.

But this world was for no one.

It hurt to see that Jere seemed to blame himself for what that man had done. Jere hadn't done anything wrong. It was not his fault. Not at all, and Bojan wished his boyfriend could see that.

It hurt to see how much Jere had internalised the thought that poor people were worthless. That although he could see it was wrong to treat Bojan in a mean way, he couldn't see that it was just as wrong to be treated like that himself.

However, there was no use in discussing about that topic. Jere had only answered that he had given up. That he was too tired to fight. And honestly, Bojan could understand him.

It was not fair and something did need to change to make this world less unfair but there was no sign at all that there was any chance to actually change anything.

The only thing Bojan could do to make the world at least a little bit better was to be nice to everyone regardless of classes, and that was what he had been trying to do since years.

And he needed to do anything to protect and help Jere.

Because Jere deserved the world.

Bojan hadn't spotted the paper on Jere's bed until his boyfriend suddenly had tried to hide it. There wasn't anything unusual about owning a piece of paper, Bojan had paper in his cabin too, but the fact that Jere had felt the need to hide it had been suspicious.

It was not that Bojan didn't trust him. He hadn't been thinking that his boyfriend was cheating on him. No, that... No, Jere wouldn't do that. He was not like that. It had just been a very odd situation.

Bojan had had no idea what could be on the paper. Until his boyfriend had shown it to him, ashamed even though there hadn't been any reason to be.

Jere was learning to write.

Bojan didn't know what he had expected but it surely wasn't that. Maybe he hadn't expected anything specific. But of course, he was proud of his boyfriend.

Sure, one could see it the way Jere seemed to see it and say it was bad that he hadn't learned it earlier, and yeah, compared to Bojan Jere was late but that didn't matter.

Jere wanted to learn and he was doing great.

This was what mattered, and there was nothing wrong about it. No reason to be ashamed. And even if he never learned it, it still would not make him a stupid person. It would be fine as well. No reason to feel bad.

However, his boyfriend was learning it, and of course, Bojan helped him. Well, he wasn't a teacher but he was trying his best and it seemed to work.

And Jere looked so happy when he understood something. Bojan couldn't help but being happy too.

Later, Bojan finally had managed to tell his boyfriend that his friends wanted to meet him. He had expected Jere to fear that they might not like him but he hadn't expected him to suggest coming to the second class to meet them.

However, Jere seemed to have thought about that quite a lot already, and he was right when he said that it would probably be easier to get him to Bojan's cabin instead of trying to get Bojan and his friends all together to the third class.

Besides, Bojan wasn't sure if his friends even wanted to go to the third class. Jan and Nace for sure not, they didn't want to see Jere at all. Martin had called him crazy for sneaking into Jere's cabin, he was too reasonable to do this. Kris and Jure... maybe. He didn't know.

But he couldn't demand that they took such a risk.

Martin was right, he was crazy to do what he was doing.

He was crazy and in love and not reasonable but it was his own choice and no one forced him to do it. He did it for himself and for Jere because he wanted to.

He couldn't demand that anyone would do the same.

And he didn't want to endanger the people he loved. He wanted to take the risk himself, so others didn't have to.

It was not at all true that he didn't want Jere in his everyday life. He would love nothing more than having him in every part of his life. But it simply wasn't possible.

After all, they weren't even allowed to know each other at all.

And they were definitely not allowed to have this kind of relationship and meet each other the way they did.

But of course, they still did.

Bojan had visited Jere's as often as possible. That he was the one to go to his boyfriend's had only been logical. If someone saw him in that part of town, they thought he maybe owned some grounds there and needed to make sure that everything was alright with his property.

If Jere went to other parts of town, people would think he was there to steal.

It wasn't fair but that sadly was how it was.

On the ship, it was slightly different since no one here was allowed to leave their class. But to Bojan it still had been logical that if they somehow managed to open the gate, he would be the one to sneak into the other's class.

Here they needed to be even more cautious. He needed to look like he belonged into the third class. He wasn't sure if he actually did but it had worked so far. Fortunately.

And maybe he should see the incident with the crew member as a prove that their plan worked.

He didn't know what the crew would do with him if they caught him in the third class area. Maybe he naively wanted to believe they would just be annoyed and keep him in the third class or somewhere in quarantine but would let him go in the end without further punishment.

Jere for sure wouldn't be treated nicely if he got caught in the second class area. He would be seen as a thief, a criminal, a spreader of all kinds of illnesses... He would be arrested and maybe end up in prison or worse.

The risk was significantly higher for Jere, so it did make sense that Bojan took the risk.

Except that now his boyfriend wanted to visit him too and see his friends. In this context, it made sense that Jere took the risk but it still made Bojan feel sick to think about what could happen to his boyfriend.

It was not fair.

The rules were not fair. The law was not fair. This world was not fair.

He wanted to protect his boyfriend but he couldn't.

Of course, his boyfriend was an adult and could make his own decisions, but he loved him and he wanted the best for him.

And the best was definitely not being arrested and put in prison.

He needed to make sure that nothing like that would happen to Jere. He needed to make sure that no one would get suspicious. He needed to make sure that Jere didn't stick out in the second class area but looked just like any other second class passenger.

Because sure, that was possible.

It wasn't written on Jere's face that he was a third class passenger. If he wore some of Bojan's clothes that he would give him and just followed him to the cabin he shared with Martin, it was very much possible that no one would notice anything.

Maybe Jere should better not talk to anyone because his English...

No, that was mean.

It wasn't untrue but it was mean and Bojan would definitely not say that.

Maybe Jere shouldn't talk to anyone because walking straight to the cabin and not letting people look at him too closely was a good plan.

Yeah, that was it.

That was how it could work. If his friends would help. Or rather, if Martin, Kris, and Jure would help. Or at least Martin, if he would let Jere into their cabin.

He would, wouldn't he?

His friend had said that he wanted to meet his boyfriend but maybe he didn't want to let him come this close. If he thought that poor people were ill and dirty, he surely would not want to have him in his cabin.

Bojan could only hope that was not what his friends believed. He could only hope that his friends would give Jere a chance. A real chance. That they would try to forget their prejudices and get to really know Jere.

And that Jere would make it into the second class and back without getting caught. That that evening would go well. That this risky plan would not be their end.

Bojan sighed. "Okay. I'll talk to my friends. But my friend called me crazy when I told him where I've been last night, so I'm not sure if they would help us."

"But you help me, yes?"

"Of course." For Bojan, there were only two possible options, either Jere would not try to get into the second class area or he would get Bojan's help to do it. "And I'd really love to show you everything!"

It was true. He really was looking forward to show Jere his cabin and his things he had there. And his friends if they wanted. Just everything. To show him all the things he hadn't been able to show yet.

He didn't want to brag about owning many things. No, that would be mean, and he didn't even care about possessions that much.

He just wanted his boyfriend to get to know him better. To see this part of his life too. That was what Jere wanted as well, wasn't it? That was why his boyfriend had asked questions about those things, wasn't it?

He could only hope that seeing that part of his life would not make Jere think that Bojan was just another rich idiot.

But his boyfriend knew him well enough to know better, didn't he?

"And I love look thing!" Jere smiled, cuddling up to him.

Bojan held him close, caressing his boyfriend's hair. "Jere?"

"Yes?"

"I hope you know that I love you."

Jere smiled. "I love you too."

"And no matter what my friends will say, I love you and I'm not going to leave you."

"Yes. Not go."

"Never."

"Good." Jere moved to kiss him.

As Bojan kissed him back, he realised that it hadn't happened often that his boyfriend had been the one to start a kiss or going further. He knew that Jere was just shy and insecure, too scared to do something wrong, but Bojan loved the moments when his boyfriend was brave enough to do it.

Without breaking the kiss, he pulled Jere on top of himself. It was so good. So good to be here, to be with his boyfriend, to kiss him, to touch him, to look at him or just enjoy with closed eyes.

His hands on Jere's back found their way under his shirt, finally touching bare skin. Jere gasped and moved closer, which Bojan happily used to deepen the kiss.

It was so good but it wasn't enough.

He wanted more. He needed more.

He vaguely remembered that the day before, he had said that the cabin wasn't a good place for this. That the walls were too thin and people were too close.

That they shouldn't.

All those points were still true. The walls hadn't magically gotten thicker. People could still hear. But Bojan was barely able to think about that anymore.

He wanted this.

It was too good to stop.

He needed Jere. He needed him now.

He couldn't wait until they would arrive in America and maybe would have some time and maybe would be able to meet and maybe no one would look.

Too many maybes. Too long to wait.

He needed...

Suddenly, Jere broke the kiss. "We... not..."

"No... I... Don't stop... don't..." There was barely a thought in his mind. His blood had gone elsewhere.

He felt warm. Hot. And they had only been kissing.

"You say... no here..." Jere was out of breath, his hair ruffled.

"I... I know but..." He wanted... He wanted it so bad.

"If... very quiet..." Jere's attempt to be reasonable was crumbling down. "Very very quiet..."

"Yeah, very very quiet." Bojan nodded eagerly.

"Yes yes." Jere agreed. "I can... shirt?"

Bojan didn't answer verbally but took the hem of Jere's shirt, pulling. Jere raised his arms, letting him take off the shirt. It landed somewhere on the floor but no one cared about it.

Bojan's shirt followed, Jere helped him to take if off and throw it away. Then he leaned back down to catch Bojan's lips again, and Bojan eagerly kissed him back.

His hands were quickly on Jere's back again, now touching more skin. Way better than the shirt. Soft and warm and so good.

His boyfriend was on top of him, one hand on the bed to support himself while the other hand roamed over Bojan's torso. First barely touching, then slowly getting braver but still staying gentle.

He seemed to be more confident today, and Bojan absolutely loved it.

Maybe he could ask him if today...

Oh.

Jere's fingers had reached his nipple, squeezed the bud, and a little whimper escaped his mouth. Luckily, the sound was muffled by the kiss.

Then Jere broke the kiss, looking at him. "You... good?"

Bojan nodded eagerly. Yeah, he felt good. More than good.

"What okay? What much?"

"Anything... do... please, don't stop." He needed his boyfriend to continue. He had missed this so much.

Jere nodded, moving to kiss his neck. He was careful not to leave any marks, and although right now Bojan wished to be claimed, he would be very thankful later.

Jere kissed down his neck to his shoulder blade and further down, placing kisses on his chest. When another whimper escaped Bojan's mouth, his boyfriend stopped and looked at him. "You... please... quiet."

"Oh. Y-yeah. I... I will." Right. They had to be quiet. Very quiet, even when it felt so...

Oh.

He had to press his hand on his mouth to prevent himself from moaning. Jere's mouth was on his nipples, biting and licking. And it was...

So so good.

It hurt in the best kind of way.

Jere shifted slightly, now placing kisses on Bojan's belly. Moving further down towards the waistband. Closer and closer to the visible bulge in his...

Suddenly, Jere stopped, glancing up at him. "You... I... you want?"

"Can you... today... me?" He failed building a sentence, and Jere looked at him in confusion.

Bojan swallowed. "Can we... the other way round?"

His boyfriend frowned, still not understanding. "Otter way?"

Bojan nodded. "Yeah, I want... I..." Why was this so hard? Why did he suddenly feel shy? He knew what he wanted, he had been thinking about this for a while now, but still the words didn't seem to want to leave his mouth.

"Yes?" Jere seemed unsure what to do. "I... stop?"

"No!" Oh, please not! "Don't stop!"

"Okay. But what... want?"

"I want..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I want you. I want you to... take me. Put... your... please..."

"Oh." Jere's eyes grew wide as he understood. "Oh."

"Please, I..." Bojan's face felt like it was burning.

"You... really?"

"Please..." He tried to hide his face behind his hands. Why was this so embarrassing?

"Okay, yes yes. We do if you want, yes yes."

"I do want." He really did. He wanted it so bad.

"I just... I never do... I not know..." Jere sounded insecure. "Maybe I do wrong?"

"You will do great." Slowly, Bojan took his hands away from his face to look at his boyfriend again. "I'm sure."

"You do before? Like way?"

"No, I've done it only with you. The other way round." He didn't have any experience either but it would be fine, their other first time had been as well.

"I too. You say stop, yes?" Jere looked at him.

Bojan nodded. Of course, he would say stop if needed.

"Good. I... I now... finger?" Jere still looked insecure, scared to do something wrong.

"Please do." Bojan tried to take off his own pants and underwear. Way too slowly for his liking. Why was this fabric glued to him? Only when Jere helped, he finally succeeded and the clothes landed somewhere on the floor.

He spread his legs to make space for his boyfriend. Jere readily took the place, and a glance at him showed Bojan that he was licking his own fingers to moisturise them.

Hot. So hot.

Bojan wanted to feel those fingers, either in his ass or his mouth. Or both, one after the other. But just please now.

He grabbed Jere's arm, gently but firmly, and pulled the fingers out of his mouth. "Let me do this."

Jere didn't make him wait. He happily let him take his hand, closing his eyes in pleasure as Bojan eagerly moisturised every digit, his tongue sliding around the fingers. His mouth readily welcoming them and sucking hungrily.

With a plop sound, he finally let Jere's fingers slide out of his mouth. His boyfriend looked at him with blown pupils. "Good?"

"Yeah, please do..."

Jere nodded, and soon Bojan felt a first finger glide between his ass cheeks, finding its way to his hole. A light touch, not pushing in yet, just slowly circling his entrance.

His boyfriend looked at him carefully, making sure that he was okay. "You good? You... öö... never, yes?"

"I... uh... I did... uh... touch myself." Bashfully, Bojan looked away.

He had never had anyone else touch him there but he had touched himself a few times. He had wanted to experiment a bit, especially after he had gotten to know Jere. And if he was honest, he had done it while wishing and maybe imaging it was Jere touching him.

"Oh." His boyfriend stopped.

Bojan looked at him again, slowly getting impatient. "Please, do it. I'll be fine."

Finally, Jere added some pressure, dipping in a first finger. Many emotions floated through Bojan as he tried to relax. The slight stretch felt kind of familiar, he had been there before, and it didn't feel bad, just a little strange. When Jere's finger slid deeper, Bojan pressed one hand on his own mouth.

He needed to be quiet.

He could be quiet.

His boyfriend looked at him and he nodded. He was fine, he could go on. Jere started to move his finger, first slowly, then getting faster. Suddenly, he hit a spot in him that made Bojan see stars in the best imaginable way, and Bojan had to bite his fist to stop himself from moaning loudly.

More.

Please more.

His boyfriend added another finger. The stretch was slightly uncomfortable for a moment but it would get better. So much better.

Bojan nodded, and Jere started moving his fingers, slowly scissoring him open. With every moment, it felt better as he was getting more and more loose. Soon he was ready for a third finger, which his boyfriend added after seeing him nod.

When Jere started to move his fingers again and hit that sweet spot, all discomfort was forgotten. Bojan bit his fist, trying to stay quiet, a muffled whine still escaping his mouth as he moved his ass against the fingers to get more.

"Good?" His boyfriend smiled.

"Y-yeah... so... so... good." Hit by pleasure, he was barely able to form a sentence.

Jere continued his movements for a while, then he stopped. "You ready?"

Bojan nodded eagerly. "Ready."

He felt good, maybe a little nervous but he trusted Jere. His boyfriend wouldn't do anything that could harm him. He would be careful and gentle, making sure that Bojan would enjoy it. And Bojan was ready. So ready to take him and feel.

Jere removed his fingers, slowly but it still made Bojan whimper into his own fist. Feeling the sudden emptiness, he squeezed his eyes shut, waiting impatiently to be filled again.

Finally, there were hands on his ass again, caressing gently and spreading the cheeks, and then he felt Jere's cock at his hole, not pushing in yet. "Bojan? You good? Look me? Good?"

He opened his eyes and looked at his boyfriend with half-lidded eyes. "Yeah! Jere, please... do! Now. I'm good! And I'd be even better if you finally put..."

The sentence got stuck in his throat as his boyfriend obeyed. Gently and slowly but it still was a lot, the stretch definitely more than when he had only used his fingers. It was more than anything he had ever had in his ass before.

Jere hadn't even bottomed out and Bojan already felt so full. And yeah, it did burn a little. But he had anticipated the pain and it was bearable. He could take it. And it would get better. He had seen it with Jere. It would get better. This was his first time, he just needed to get used to it first.

He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his fist to stay quiet. Jere stopped. "Bojan? You okay? I stop?" He sounded worried.

Bojan shook his head. "No, go on."

His boyfriend didn't move. "But you hurt."

"I am fine." Impatiently, Bojan raised his hips which made Jere glide deeper and finally bottom out.

His boyfriend gasped for air, staring at him in surprise.

Bojan stared back, biting his fist. Oh, that had gone quickly. Now he was filled completely, stretched open even more.

"Bojan... why...? You... slow..."

"Can you... move?"

"But... you hurt?" Jere looked almost scared, and Bojan feared his boyfriend actually was.

He sighed. "Jere, I really appreciate you being so careful and gentle, I love you for this, but please go on. Don't stop. Don't hold back. Be confident. Please. Unless you don't feel good here."

His boyfriend looked at him, and for a moment it was silent, then he nodded slowly. "I good. Very good. But I want you feel good."

"I will. You know, it's just... the beginning... and new. It's already better now. Move please, I can't... I need..." Please, he couldn't discuss this now, there definitely were not enough thoughts in his mind.

Jere kissed him and then finally started moving. And oh yeah, it did get better. So much better. The pain was completely gone as Jere's thrusts hit that sweet spot in him. He had never felt anything like this.

He was on fire, pleasure exploding in him, his brain mush. Somehow, his hand stayed on his mouth, muffling the moans, whines, whimpers, and little words escaping his mouth.

Words in a mix of different languages, and this time he didn't even try keep it in English. He didn't have to. Jere wouldn't mind, he wouldn't understand the words that ended up as nothing but unclear noises anyway.

And even if he had tried to follow his own rule of only speaking English, he wouldn't have succeeded. He was far beyond thinking.

His eyes rolled back, the pleasure building up. His boyfriend's thrusts becoming faster and less coordinated as Jere finally let go, not overthinking every single move anymore.

He still managed to hit the sweet spot, getting Bojan closer and closer to the edge. Just a little bit more. Just a tiny little bit. Please, he needed... only a little bit more. Touch. Please. Friction.

As if Jere could read Bojan's mind, he moved his arm, and finally there was a hand on Bojan's dick. His boyfriend's fingers were slick with saliva but he barely noticed, he only felt how good they were on his length, finally providing the friction he needed and pushing him towards the edge.

He wouldn't last long.

He couldn't.

Pleasure exploded in him like a firework, spreading through all of his body. He felt like he was floating, somewhere high up on a cloud of bliss and happiness.

With a muffled moan and biting his fist hard, he came in Jere's hand and on his own belly. His boyfriend needed a few more thrusts, then he followed him, cumming deep in his ass, and Bojan could feel something warm filling him.

He closed his eyes, catching his breath, still high from pleasure. Way too soon, Jere moved out of him and got up from the bed.

"Ne. Jere. Prosim." He felt awfully empty and alone without touches. His brain wasn't able to process how his boyfriend had suddenly disappeared.

"I here." Jere was back on the bed, and a wave of relief rushed through Bojan. Jere was still here. He wasn't gone. "And thing." He held up a handkerchief. "Okay I... touch?"

Bojan nodded. Right, they needed to clean up. They couldn't leave a mess here. But his brain was still nothing but mush, he would have completely forgotten.

Gently, his boyfriend wiped up the cum sticking to Bojan's body. Still, he twitched as the cloth touched his hole.

Worried, Jere looked at him. "I hurt you?"

Bojan shook his head, smiling blissfully. No, he wasn't hurt, he was just a little sore but it was perfect. He was feeling amazing.

Relieved, Jere smiled back. "You good?"

Ja! Da!

Bojan nodded firmly. "Yeah!"

His boyfriend dropped the handkerchief to the floor. "I kiss you?"

Bojan agreed happily, pulling him closer, and finally he felt Jere's lips on his again. The kiss stayed mostly innocent, they both were tired from the day and their previous activities, so they ended up just cuddling.

Now that his brain was beginning to work again, a thought started to build in his head. He had enjoyed this. A lot. It had been amazing. And he would definitely love to do it again this way round too.

But...

But...

How had Jere felt? How did he feel about it? He had been so insecure and unsure, scared to hurt Bojan or to do something wrong. Had he even been able to enjoy it? Or had Bojan pushed him to do something he hadn't wanted? Had Jere simply not been able to say no?

Bojan swallowed but the lump in his throat didn't leave. He needed to know. He had to make this right. He had to.

"Jere?" His hand nervously played with his boyfriend's hair. "Did you... uh... enjoy it?"

Jere looked at him in confusion. Oh, maybe he didn't understand the words.

"Did you like it? Uh... the... I mean..."

"Oh." Jere hesitated. "I... You like?"

"I asked first."

"Y-yes?" It sounded more like a question than like an answer.

Bojan sighed. "Jere. Please. Please tell me how you feel, not just what you think I want to hear."

"Yes, I like."

"Thank you." Bojan hugged his boyfriend, relief floating through his body. He hadn't destroyed it all. His boyfriend had liked it too.

"And you... you like?" Jere's question was barely more than a quiet mumbling.

"I liked it. A lot."

His boyfriend looked relieved but still tense, and Bojan felt like there was more behind it. Things that Jere couldn't say or was scared to say.

"You didn't hurt me, don't worry."

"I..." Jere hid his face in Bojan's shoulder. "I..."

Bojan waited, soothingly caressing his boyfriend's back. Of course, he wanted to know what the worry was. He wanted to do something. But he also didn't want to pressure him.

"What you... like more?"

"What do you mean?"

"What way? You... öö... like now or like other day?"

"Oh." Now Bojan understood. "I like both."

"I too scared."

"I'm... I'm scared too. And insecure. Sometimes. I wanted to ask you to try this earlier but I didn't manage to ask."

"You want? Oh. I not know. I always think you want other. And I not ask because I think you not want."

"Wait..." Bojan looked at his boyfriend. "You would have wanted to try but you were scared to ask?"

"I... I think... it logic other way." Oh no.

"Jere, you... you didn't... you didn't think you have to let me... let me... just because I have more money, right?!"

"No no no, I want! I always want! Please no angry. Please. I like. I true like... öö... molemmista... I always feel good, I promise very true!"

"Are you sure? Please tell me if you ever feel or felt pressured."

"Very sure, yes yes. Other way more easy, not much think. Feel good. And now way more think. And my... think... always say maybe I hurt you."

"It makes you think and worry more?"

"Yes, but my... vika... my... problem, yes yes."

"I see. I understand. That's why you asked so many times if I was okay."

"Yes, but you... you less think, yes? You speak..." He suddenly stopped in the middle of the sentence.

"I speak?" Bojan frowned. What did Jere mean?

"No no, all good."

"Did I say something stupid?"

"No, not stupid!"

"Jere, what did I say?"

"I... I not know. You speak... öö... language."

Oh.

Oh.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't... I..." Bojan felt himself blush. His boyfriend had heard it. He had realised.

"Oh, no no no, not say sorry! No bad! No problem! Please speak! Not feel bad! I speak Finnish too, no problem."

Yeah, Bojan knew Jere did. But that was... He wanted to say it wasn't the same. He himself should do better because he could do better.

No one expected Jere to speak perfect English. If he mixed English with Finnish, no one would even bat an eye. And Bojan had absolutely no problem with his boyfriend's Finglish.

But people did expect Bojan to speak English perfectly. In his class, he had to. If he wanted to live in a country where people spoke English, he had to.

Jere continued. "I speak my language, you speak you language. Logic, no?"

"Yeah, but... no..."

It did sound logical. In some way.

But at the same time, it also wasn't.

Maybe Jere didn't know that except for talking to his friends and family or to people from a very specific area, there was absolutely no use in these languages.

They had needed to speak English in the city in England where they had lived before. In America, they would need to speak English. The languages of science were English, German, and French.

No Slovenian or Serbian.

Those two languages didn't get one anywhere here.

"Why no? It... salaisuus? Bad thing?"

"It's not... not exactly a secret, no. And it's not actually bad either. Just... it doesn't help me... in this world."

"But you and friends speak, no?"

"Yeah, but they are my friends. Not the public."

"It... class thing, yes? Good class just English. If people hear."

For a moment, Bojan remained silent. Then he swallowed. "Yeah."

"And I people?"

"What?"

"Why problem if I hear?"

Oh.

That...

That actually was a good point.

"I don't know."

"Then maybe you stop worry? You know I not speak language, you help if I not understand but please you... you true Bojan here, yes? Not worry. Yes?"

He had to admit that Jere was right. Why was he hiding from his boyfriend? There was no reason to, was there?

He should keep speaking English, so Jere could understand him, but if there happened to be some other words mixed in between, it was no problem.

It was fine.

With Jere, it was fine.

His boyfriend wouldn't judge him. Not only because Jere spoke a mix of English and Finnish himself but also because he had never shown any aversion towards Bojan's languages. He had never said they made him an uneducated or stupid person. He only seemed to be curious and genuinely interested.

It was fine. No reason to worry.

Bojan nodded. "Okay, yeah, you are right."

"Thank you." Jere smiled. "Or you teach me."

"Hvala."

"What?" His boyfriend looked confused.

"Thank you in Slovenian. Like... uh... kiitos in Finnish."

"Oh." Now Jere seemed to understand. "You say again?"

"Hvala."

"K... va..." He tried to say the word.

"Almost." Patiently, Bojan repeated it until his boyfriend got it.

"H-va-la?"

"Yeah, good!" He smiled and placed a kiss on Jere's hair.

Maybe it was stupid, he had just said how unhelpful this language was, and he didn't even know why he had told Jere the word in Slovenian, it didn't make sense to teach it to his boyfriend because Jere should rather focus on learning English, but still, it made Bojan so happy to see how positively his boyfriend reacted.

So completely different from how anyone else would react.

Jere smiled happily and promised to remember the word, snuggling close to him. They stayed like this for a while until their eyes slowly started to fall shut.

Bojan didn't want to go. He didn't want this moment to end. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to sneak back into the second class and to his own cabin.

He didn't want to spend the night alone in his own bed, missing Jere and wondering if it would have been possible to stay and spend the night together.

He didn't want to go.

But still, he had to.

"Jere?" Bojan ran his hand through his boyfriend's hair.

Jere hummed but didn't open his eyes.

"Jere, I need to go."

"No." Now, Jere moved even closer to him.

Bojan sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't want to either."

"Why not stay?"

"Jere..." He wished he could just do that.

"Please." Jere looked at him with pleading eyes. "I know bed very small. You can have Mikke bed. Or my bed. People not see."

It sounded tempting. He wanted nothing more than just stay here with Jere. To spend the night here with him in his bed. To fall asleep with his boyfriend in his arms and wake up with him again.

It was exactly what he wanted. What he wanted but had never been able to get. But maybe... Maybe he could now? Maybe this was his one chance and he had to use it?

"Okay." Bojan nodded. "I'll stay. I'd love to stay."

"Yes! Thank you!" Jere smiled happily. "Mikke bed or my bed?"

"Yours please. With you."

His boyfriend's smile grew even bigger. "Yes yes. Bojan get bed. With Jere. I very very happy."

Bojan grinned back, pulling him closer. "Me too. Very very happy."

Tomorrow, he might be in trouble.

Tomorrow...

It would be way more difficult to get back to his cabin in the morning when everyone was getting up and was on the way to breakfast.

Hopefully, no one would search for him. Martin knew where he was, Bojan had told him that he was going to visit his boyfriend but he hadn't told him that he was staying the night there.

Hopefully, Martin would not panic. He had to know there were only two options: Waiting until Bojan would maybe come back or telling the crew and getting him into the biggest trouble possible.

Martin had to know he couldn't choose the latter, so he would wait, wouldn't he? He would wait and then later have a serious talk with him about how unreasonable and dangerous all of this was.

And Bojan would nod and agree with him because his friend was absolutely right but it wouldn't stop him from doing it again.

Because there simply was no legal way to be with his boyfriend.

But trouble had to wait until tomorrow. Now was not the time. Now was time to enjoy. Time to spend the first night with Jere ever. Time to hold him, look at him, cuddle with him, kiss him.

To do all the things they had always wanted but weren't allowed to do. All the things he wanted to have forever but might have only for this one night.

Jere smiled at him, tired but happy. "I love you. So much."

Bojan couldn't help but smile widely. "I love you too."

His boyfriend's smile grew even bigger and he laid his head back on Bojan's chest, closing his eyes.

Bojan's arms found their place around his boyfriend, holding him close. It was almost unbelievable that he was really here. That they were really here. Together.

It became quiet. Bojan could only hear their breaths and the sound of the ship's engines. He had never noticed before that they were audible that clearly. In his own cabin, they weren't, were they?

Probably not, his cabin was on a higher deck, further away from the engines. For sure, that was why he hadn't noticed the sound. And well, maybe also because he had been too distracted by Jere.

His boyfriend, who was here in his arms, breathing calmly. So cute and lovely. Bojan couldn't stop his hand from gently running through Jere's hair.

His boyfriend mumbled, already half asleep. "You here, yes?"

"Of course, I am."

"And huomenna, you vielä?"

"I will still be here."

"Good." He could hear the smile in Jere's voice.

Bojan smiled back. "Good night."

He didn't get an answer anymore, Jere had already fallen asleep, and only a few minutes later, Bojan followed.

When he woke up, he first didn't know where he was. He could only tell for sure that he wasn't at home. And there was something lying on him. Something... No, someone.

Jere.

Jere was here. He was in Jere's cabin.

He had spent the night with his boyfriend.

Everything was good.

Jere shifted a little on him and opened his eyes. A happy smile spread on his face as his eyes met Bojan's.

"Bojan." Jere's voice was just a whisper but Bojan couldn't imagine anything more beautiful in the world. "Hyvää huomenta."

There couldn't be anything better to wake up to. Nothing would ever be better than his boyfriend, smiling happily and whispering something in Finnish that Bojan didn't even understand.

Probably, it meant good morning, didn't it?

With a big smile, he looked at his boyfriend. "Dobro jutro."

Jere blinked, looking confused for a moment, but then there was a beautiful happy grin on his face. "Yes! Yes yes!"

Their lips met. The kiss was gentle and innocent but so full of love and affection. Bojan felt like there were millions of butterflies dancing in him.

He wished he could have this every morning. He wished he could have this for the rest of his life. He wished he didn't have to go. He wished he could just stay here with Jere.

But unfortunately, that wasn't possible. He had to go back to his cabin. Back to the second class. Back... Away from Jere.

He had to go. He had to leave.

He needed to go as early as possible if he wanted to get back to his cabin without someone seeing him. If he wanted to be back before everyone was standing in the corridor.

No, actually, he shouldn't even have come here in the first place. If he wanted to be safe and in his cabin, he wouldn't have. But he had chosen the risk, and he didn't regret it at all.

He had Jere. They had had a great night together. And he hoped so much it wouldn't be their last one.

Why couldn't he just stay here?

Bojan broke the kiss and looked at Jere. He tried to smile but probably didn't look as happy as he had intended. Jere's face turned sad. "You go, yes?"

Bojan swallowed. He had to. It had been clear from the beginning that he would have to leave in the morning. "I'm sorry."

Jere shook his head. "No no, you right. You go. Safe."

"I'm going to talk to my friends, and if it goes to plan, we will try to get you to my cabin in the evening, okay?"

"Yes yes, I want come and see."

"Good." Bojan smiled and got up to get dressed. "We will see each other again very soon, I promise."

"Yes!" Jere nodded. "Soon. I promise too."

When he had put on his clothes, Bojan glanced into the mirror to check if he could leave the cabin like this. He looked okay, didn't he?

"Bojan look good."

"Oh, thanks." He turned back to his boyfriend and grinned. "Do you mean in general or right now? Can I go outside like this?"

"You can go, yes yes. And I mean good always."

"Oh, thank you!" Quickly, he stepped back to the bed and gave his boyfriend a peck on the lips. "You look good too, Jere, and I will tell you this every day until you believe me, and even then, I won't stop."

Jere only nodded, not saying a word, but his eyes told more than words ever could.

"I... I really need to go now." Bojan run his hand through Jere's hair. "I'm sorry."

His boyfriend leaned into the touch. "I know. You good day, I hope."

"You too, Jere, see you tonight." Hopefully.

"Yes." His boyfriend nodded, and that was the last thing Bojan saw before he turned around and forced himself to leave the cabin.

Standing in the corridor, he soon realised that something was different. It was morning now. Daytime. People were awake. Passengers were on the way to get breakfast. Getting ready, leaving their cabins, walking along the corridors.

Bojan was supposed to be one of them. Not here in the third class but over there, on the other side of the gate. He was supposed to be having a nice breakfast with his friends.

Not to be standing in a third class corridor, wondering how he could get back to his cabin. Not to be sneaking out of a cabin of a boyfriend he wasn't allowed to have.

He didn't know how to get back to his cabin unnoticed.

If he would make it back now.

Slowly, he walked down the corridor into the direction of the gate. He had to be inconspicuous. People shouldn't look at him. He was just a normal passenger. Not interesting. Nothing special.

Not worth to look at. Not worth to be noticed.

Not...

"Mor, se! Han har vakre klær!" A little girl was standing in the corridor, pointing at him.

Next to her was a young woman, probably her mother. She took the girl's hand with which the girl was pointing at Bojan and scolded her. "Klara, nei! Man peker ikke på andre!"

Quietly, the girl turned her gaze to the floor.

The woman looked apologetically at Bojan. "I apologise. My datter... små... she learn."

"Oh, no problem." Bojan smiled friendly. "I understand."

"Thank you." The woman looked relieved. "She not do igjen."

"No problem. Really. We were all children once."

The woman looked a little surprised about the answer but she didn't say anything. Or maybe she hadn't understood what he had said, Bojan wasn't completely sure.

The girl looked at him with big eyes but stayed silent.

Bojan glanced down the corridor into the direction of the gate. It didn't look good for him and his plan. There were too many people between him and the gate. Too many people who would definitely see him.

How should he get there?

How should he get there unseen?

The woman, the girl, and a man, probably the father, who had just come out of one of the cabins, left for breakfast, and Bojan realised he couldn't just stand in the middle of the corridor, waiting for the people to disappear.

He had seen the day before what could happen if he did that, and he really didn't want to meet that man again. But where should he go? He needed to get back to the second class. He probably should already be in the dining saloon.

But he couldn't go because there were still people.

Maybe he had to wait until everyone was in the dining saloon, enjoying breakfast. That would mean he would miss breakfast. Unfortunate. But not that terrible, since there were enough other meals in a day.

Okay, that was a plan.

Now he only had to find a place to wait until the people were gone. He could go back to Jere's cabin, maybe his boyfriend was still there.

Yeah, seeing him again sounded great.

Bojan turned around and walked back. He crossed path with many passengers but no one seemed to pay much attention at him and he reached Jere's cabin without any incidents.

He knocked at the door, holding his breath. He knew it was risky. He knew people could see him. He knew they did see him.

But they wouldn't draw the right conclusions, would they?

They would think they were just friends, wouldn't they?

It was fine, wasn't it?

The door was opened by Jere looking at him in confusion. Before his boyfriend could say anything, Bojan spoke up. "Can I come in?"

"Öö... yes?" Jere stepped aside and let him in.

When Bojan was in the cabin, Jere closed the door again. "Bojan... what...? Why...? You...?"

"There are people. In the corridor."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I can't go there now."

"I... I excuse... I... my... vika... I not want..." Jere looked down at the floor.

"No." Bojan took his hand. "Don't apologise. It's okay. I just need to wait until everyone is in the dining saloon."

"Yes yes, eat time now. I go. No, I want go but now I not know."

"Oh, please go and eat, Jere. I just wanted to ask if I could stay here a little longer. I will be gone when you come back." At least, he hoped he would have made it back to his cabin by then.

"Yes yes, you stay. Good always." Jere nodded. "But you not eat?"

Bojan shrugged. "I guess I can't. I won't be there on time, so I will have to skip it."

"Oh no." His boyfriend looked at him in shock. "But you... you... oh no... you hunger!"

"It's fine. It's just one meal. No need to worry." It was annoying, sure, but it wasn't that terrible.

Jere shook his head. "One meal much!"

"No, it's not, it's just one little..." He stopped himself when he realised what he was doing.

Of course, it was a lot of food for Jere. His boyfriend was used to having way less for breakfast, and it was not fair to tell him that this great breakfast was nothing.

After all, it wasn't even true that it was nothing. For Bojan, it still was a great breakfast. He enjoyed it a lot, and it wasn't something he had every day. It just wasn't as special for him as it was for Jere.

He looked at his boyfriend, who had taken a step away from him and was looking at the floor. "Jere, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like this..."

"No, I understand." Jere shook his head. "You right, I stupid."

"No, please listen." He took his boyfriend's hand again, and to his relief, Jere didn't pull it away. "I mean there are other meals today as well and I will be fine if I get them. But you are right, it's not nothing. It's not nothing for me either."

Jere didn't say anything but he at least looked at Bojan again. He didn't look angry. Rather sad and in disbelief. Hurt. Why hadn't Bojan thought about his words earlier?

"I'm sorry, Jere. I just wanted to say you can go and enjoy breakfast without worrying about me."

Jere nodded. "Yes, I go and you here and you go you cabin."

"That's the plan, yeah."

"Good plan. I..." He looked down at himself. "Öö... yes, I go."

"You look good." Bojan smiled and squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "Go and enjoy your meal!"

Jere smiled back. "Yes yes, I go." He turned his head to the door and then back to Bojan, suddenly looking shy. "I... öö... kiss?"

Of course, he could get a kiss!

Happily, Bojan pulled his boyfriend closer until their lips met. The kiss was short and innocent. They didn't have time for more. Jere had to go, he probably should already be in the dining saloon, and Bojan had to catch the right moment to sneak back into the second class.

They parted, and Jere squeezed Bojan's hand. "We see later, yes? I go now..."

Bojan nodded and let go of him. "See you in the evening."

"Yes yes." Jere smiled, then he turned around and left the cabin.

For a moment, Bojan was standing there alone in his boyfriend's cabin, staring at the door, wishing his boyfriend would come back.

No, Jere should get his breakfast.

But what should Bojan do now?

When could he go back to his own cabin? When would the corridor be empty enough? How could he know when the right moment was? He couldn't see the gate from here, he needed to leave the cabin but then people would see him.

He sat down on the bed and looked around. Jere really let him stay here. Alone. He could do whatever he wanted. In theory, he could look through all of Jere's belongings and steal anything.

Was Jere not aware of that?

Did he not know that opportunity made a thief? No, probably he did know. He did but he didn't expect Bojan to steal anything. Maybe he thought his belongings were not valuable enough and Bojan had enough money of his own, which wasn't completely wrong.

Maybe Jere trusted him.

Trusted him that he wouldn't steal or snoop around. Trusted him that he wasn't a thief. And Bojan was in fact not. He would never...

Wait...

The key...

The key to open the gate...

He had...

Well, it technically hadn't been him who had stolen it but it had been him who had wanted it. And it was him who had the key now.

So, maybe he in fact was a thief. But not a bad one. He wouldn't take the key with him when he would leave the ship in America. He wasn't interested in keeping the key, he only needed it to open the gate. And if there hadn't been those gates, he would never have taken the key in the first place.

He wasn't interested in taking the belongings of other passengers. Jere didn't have to worry about that. He wouldn't take anything. But well, having a little look at what Jere was taking to America... That would actually be interesting.

He was curious about whether it was very different from his own. Probably, Jere had less things. For sure, he had.

However, Bojan couldn't have a look. No, he technically could, and Jere didn't even have to know anything about it, but he shouldn't. He didn't have permission to do it, so he wouldn't.

He wasn't here to inspect him, Jere was not his employee. He was just here to wait until he could go back to his own cabin. Which should be soon, right? Maybe even already now?

He should go and have a look.

Bojan got up from the bed, stepped to the door, and opened it. Cautiously, he looked outside, down the corridor on both sides.

His plan seemed to work. The passengers had left for breakfast. Quickly, he left the cabin. Now, he just had to get to the gate and then back to the second class.

No one stopped him on the way. He reached the gate without any incident. Quickly, he looked around to make sure no one was watching. He couldn't see any other people, so he tried to open the gate.

It was locked.

Someone must have locked it while Bojan had been in Jere's cabin. Someone who had a key. Probably, someone who was part of the crew. Someone who had noticed that the gate hadn't been locked.

Someone who now knew the gate had been opened.

Maybe it had been a bad idea not to lock it again. Maybe he had left too many traces. Maybe he hadn't been cautious enough. Maybe he had been too naive.

He needed to get to his cabin as quickly as possible. He had a key, he could just open the gate. Hopefully, this wasn't a trap. Hopefully, there was no one hiding and waiting for him. With shaking hands, he took the key out of his pocket and put it into the key hole.

It fitted. Well, of course, it did. The crew had locked the gate, they hadn't changed the lock. Maybe they hadn't even suspected anything. Maybe they had just thought a member of the crew had forgotten to lock the gate.

Maybe they hadn't noticed that a key was missing.

Bojan entered the second class area and closed the gate behind himself. This time, he also locked it again. Maybe someone would check. And he didn't want to leave traces.

He made it to his own cabin without any incidents. He opened the door and entered the cabin. It was empty. Martin was not here. Of course not, his friends were having breakfast.

He closed the door behind himself, and finally, he felt the tension leave his body. Safe. He was safe. He had made it back. No one had caught him. He was in his own cabin again.

He let himself fall onto his bed. In theory, he could follow his friends to the dining saloon, maybe he would still get something to eat. But honestly, he had just managed to sneak back into his cabin, he didn't want to leave it again now.

He would be very late anyway, he wasn't dressed for breakfast, and now that he was slowly calming down, the adrenaline leaving his system, he felt quite exhausted. He could just stay in his bed for a little while.

Just close his eyes and relax.

Just...

He must have fallen asleep. He startled when someone was shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes, looking around. Martin. There was his friend Martin trying to wake him up.

"Bojan! Here you are! Where have you been all night? You can't just disappear! The others notice if you're not here for breakfast. Where have you been?"

"At my boyfriend's."

"The whole night?!" Martin looked shocked.

"Yeah?" Bojan didn't understand what could be that shocking about it.

"You... you..." Martin shook his head. "Now you're really insane."

Bojan didn't answer. He knew what was coming now. And maybe his friend was not wrong. Maybe he was insane. However, Bojan wouldn't have it any other way.

"You know that's such a high risk, right? What if someone saw you? What if someone attacked you? You can't defend yourself when you're asleep! Or did you even sleep?"

"I did." Energetically, Bojan sat up.

Ouch.

Apparently, he was still a little sore. He grimaced.

Of course, his friend noticed. "Did he hurt you?!"

"No!" He had had the opposite problem. Jere was too scared of even possibly hurting him.

"Sure?"

"I swear he didn't. He would never hurt me, Martin, believe me."

"I'll hope so."

"It's true." His boyfriend was way too nice to hurt anyone.

"Okay, he didn't hurt you but you know what will happen if they catch you?"

"They didn't."

"Not yet! But what if they do? How many people are over there?"

"He has a cabin of his own." The way to the cabin was the risky part, and he wouldn't tell his friend that he had almost been caught by a member of the ship's crew.

"That's possible?!" Surprised, Martin frowned.

"Yeah, it's a cabin for two people but his brother couldn't come."

"Hmm."

"I'm sorry if you were worried." He really was.

"The others asked where you were. I told them you hadn't slept well and needed some more rest."

"Thank you, you're the best!"

"Yeah, but seriously, take care. Please."

"I will. And..." Now was the moment. Now he had to ask. "You asked if you could meet him, right? I told him and he wants to meet you too."

"Really?" Martin looked surprised.

"Yeah, there's just one little problem..." Rather a big problem if he was honest. "I need to get him to the second class."

"Bojan!" Shocked, his friend stared at him. "What did I just say?!"

"I do take care."

"Sure." His friend obviously didn't agree with him on that point.

However, Bojan didn't give up. "But... uh... would you maybe... would you help us?"

"I can't believe it, Bojan." Martin shook his head in disbelief. "I really can't believe this."

"I..." Bojan wasn't sure if he should continue or rather just be quiet. "I will ask Kris and Jure too. I mean, I can do it without help but it would be safer if..."

"You're really serious about that?"

Bojan nodded. "I am."

"And what if you get caught?"

"We... we won't."

"You can't know." Of course, Martin was right. But Bojan didn't want to hear it.

"Blame me if we get caught."

His friend sighed. "I don't want to blame you, I want you to be safe. You are my friend and I worry about you. I know you love him and I understand that you want to see him, and I would also like to meet him but this is really risky."

"I know it is. I won't force you to help me, don't worry, I understand if you don't want to."

For a moment, Martin was quiet, then he sighed. "Okay, look... I see I won't be able to stop you. If you get him to the second class, he can come here into the cabin. And..." He hesitated. "Okay, if you have a plan and Kris and Jure are helping, you can ask me again. But don't see this as an encouragement."

"Thank you!" Bojan smiled happily. "Thank you so much!"

Chapter Text

Jere was nervous. Not only because he didn't know how difficult it would be to see Bojan tonight but also because he didn't know what his boyfriend's plan was and if it would work.

Would Jere visit the second class tonight? Would it end well? Would he meet Bojan's friends? What would they say? What had they said today when Bojan had suggested that Jere could come for a visit?

Bojan had asked them as he had promised, hadn't he? He would come to the gate if there weren't too many people, wouldn't he?

Jere reached the gate. He was lucky. No one seemed to be paying attention to him. There were no crew people and barely any passengers in sight.

But also... no Bojan.

Again, Jere found himself being run over by doubts. What if it had been too much? What if Bojan didn't want to come anymore? What if Jere had asked too much from him?

The meetings at the gate, the visits in his cabin, for which his boyfriend had even stolen a key, sleeping together, spending the night together, all the questions he had asked, and now this.

Bojan had never taken him into his world. Not even once. And here Jere was, thinking this time it could be different.

Probably, he was just stupid and naive.

Maybe Bojan was looking for a way to end this without completely destroying him. Because he still was too nice to hurt him more than necessary.

However, despite all his doubts, Jere's feet didn't want to make one single step away from the gate. He wanted to hope. He wanted to believe that his boyfriend had told him the truth. That they would meet here.

Probably he was just desperately in love.

He didn't know for how long he had been waiting, it felt like hours but it could just as well have been only some minutes, when suddenly someone was approaching the gate from the other side of the metal bars.

Was he dreaming?

Bojan!

That was his boyfriend walking towards the gate, Jere was sure. But something was different. Bojan wasn't wearing the clothes he always wore to visit him. No, they looked way too expensive and beautiful for Jere's world.

And Bojan wasn't alone.

Three other men were following him. Jere didn't know them, and his first thought was that they might be crew men. But they weren't wearing those uniforms the crew usually had. And why should Bojan bring crew men to the gate?

Oh. There was one reason to do this.

To make them arrest Jere.

But his boyfriend didn't want him to get arrested, did he? He wouldn't report him, would he? He wouldn't, would he?

Maybe Jere should run. Maybe he should have run. Left before it was too late. Before the men reached the gate. Before they could catch him.

However, he couldn't.

The only thing his body was able to do was standing there, looking at Bojan and the three men approaching.

And now it was too late.

They were here. They would get him. They only needed to open the gate and arrest him. He was making it way too easy for them. But still, he wasn't able to turn around and run.

Bojan smiled, his voice a whisper. "Jere."

Insecure, Jere smiled back. This wasn't a trap, was it? He could trust his boyfriend, couldn't he? This smile was an honest one, wasn't it? It didn't mean anything bad. His boyfriend was just keeping his promise. It was only Jere's own mind that was doubting too much.

Bojan looked around and then back at him. "Are you ready? I mean... you still want, right?"

Jere nodded. Of course, he did.

Bojan smiled. "Good, I'll open the gate now, and my friends and I will bring you to the cabin."

Jere nodded again. His friends. The men were Bojan's friends. Of course, they were. His boyfriend would never report him.

Never.

How could he even think about that?!

Ashamed, he looked away. But there was no time to think about it, Bojan had already opened the door. They didn't have any time to waste, they had to be gone when someone came here.

So, Jere just quickly glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then he stepped through the gate.

He didn't have time to process what was happening, he just took the jacket that one of Bojan's friends gave him and put it on while another friend closed the gate behind him.

Bojan put his hat on Jere's head. "Let's go."

His friends started walking, shielding Jere and Bojan who were following them from the looks of other people. Jere had to admit that this plan wasn't bad. It was probably the best they could do.

However, it still was far from being safe. Jere was wearing a rich man's hat and a rich man's jacket but this didn't make him a rich man.

If someone only had a quick glance at the group, they probably wouldn't notice that he didn't belong here but if the crew looked properly, they would definitely arrest him.

The corridor seemed to get only longer and longer, and the way to the cabin felt endless. Behind every corner, there could possibly be someone waiting to arrest him.

Jere wanted to run. He wanted to run until he was safely in Bojan's cabin but he knew he couldn't. He had to walk slowly like everyone else. He had to act like he belonged here even though he didn't even know how to do that.

How could he know how it was to be rich?

He had seen rich people in his life, of course, he had. But what he had seen was only how the rich treated the poor, and that for sure was not how they were towards each other.

And he knew Bojan. Bojan was kind, friendly, helpful. He treated everyone nicely. Maybe that was how the rich people treated each other and he had just extended it to being nice to all people?

Jere didn't know. The only thing he could tell was that he loved him for it. For this and many other reasons.

However, right now was not the time to think about his love and dreamingly look at his boyfriend. Now was the time to act normal and inconspicuous to get to the cabin safely.

A few passengers passed by and Jere held his breath, just hoping this would go well, but the passengers barely even looked at them.

Neither Bojan nor his friends said a word on the way to the cabin, everyone was busy desperately trying to act like they didn't fear getting caught.

Jere stayed silent as well. He had to, he had to hide his bad English. But he was way too nervous to talk anyway. And he had to do his best to make Bojan's friends like him. Or at least not hate him.

Finally, they stopped in front of a door, and one of Bojan's friends opened it. "We're going to give you some time, okay? We will be back later, Bojči."

Oh, what was this name? It was a name, wasn't it? Jere definitely had to ask his boyfriend about it later.

Bojan smiled. "Thank you all."

"You're welcome. Now go and enjoy."

Bojan nodded and entered the cabin, gently pulling Jere with him. The door was closed, Bojan sat down on one bed, and Jere stayed in the middle of the room, unsure what to do.

He was here. He had made it. He was in Bojan's cabin. In the second class area. And no one had noticed that Jere didn't belong here. No one had stopped him. It had actually gone well.

No one had looked at him in a mean or disgusted way. No one had seemed to look down on him. Not even Bojan's friends who knew that he was a third class passenger.

Well, to be honest, they hadn't really looked at him at all. But that was still so much better than what he was used to, wasn't it? And probably, they would talk to him later. They had said they would come back, hadn't they?

"Jere?" Bojan looked at him. "Are you coming?"

"Oh, yes yes." Quickly, Jere stepped to the bed but then he stopped. Did he have the permission to sit down?

His boyfriend took his hand and gently pulled him closer until Jere was sitting next to him. "Are you okay?"

Jere nodded. Yes, he was good. He was just scared he might do something wrong. Because what was he supposed to do now? What did his boyfriend want him to do? "Where... friends?"

"Oh, they're in the other cabin."

"They come?" Did he have to keep some distance from his boyfriend in case they came back soon?

"Later, yeah." Bojan smiled. "But don't worry, they are good people. And they will knock at the door."

"Ah, yes yes..." Jere nodded. "Yes..."

Bojan put his arm around him. "I'm glad you're here. I know we've just seen each other in the morning but I've already missed you."

"I miss you too. All very... very... tyhjä... if you go."

"Empty?"

"Yes yes, empty." That was the word he had been looking for.

"Yeah, it is. I mean I have my friends but I also want to be with you."

"Yes, friends." Jere nodded. "Good friends, know good." They even knew some name he had never heard before.

"Yeah, we know each other very well."

He could do this. He could ask, couldn't he? Jere took a deep breath. "They say other name, no?"

"Name?" Bojan looked confused. "What name?"

"You name Bojan, no?"

"Yeah, that's my name."

"But friend not say. He say other, no?" Oh no, probably he had misunderstood and now he was just showing his stupidness here.

"Oh." Now his boyfriend seemed to understand. "You mean 'Bojči'?"

Jere nodded. "He mean you, no?"

"Oh yeah, he did mean me. It's a... It's not my real name, it's some... umm... some more... cute form of it."

"Oh." A cute form of his name? Could Jere say it too? "Just friends say, yes?"

"Um... yeah... no, I mean... well... uh... you could say it too... if you want..."

"Yes?" Jere grinned happily. "Bo... Bojts... Boj..."

"Č."

"T... ts... t-s... t..." He was trying. Why was this sound so difficult? "T-sh... č..."

"Yeah! You got it!"

"Yes! I say... Boj-č-i?"

"Exactly! That's perfect, Jerč."

Confused about the last word, Jere frowned. "Perfect what?"

"Jerč." Bojan grinned. "I gave you a cute name to."

"Oh, yes!" Now he understood. "I like name! You say again?"

"Jerč." Bojan looked him in the eye, and Jere felt warm. Yes, he definitely liked this name.

When Bojan finally kissed him, Jere couldn't think about his doubts anymore, he could only kiss him back and hold him close.

This here was what he wanted. This here was all he needed to be happy. This here was what he was ready to take all the risk for. Because this here was worth it all.

They parted to get some air but couldn't take their eyes off each other. Bojan squeezed Jere's hand. "We can do this, yeah?"

"Do?" Jere wasn't fully sure what his boyfriend meant.

"Stay together."

"Yes!" If he was honest, he didn't know how that could work. But he knew that it had to. It would work. Somehow.

"Good." Bojan smiled. "Because I don't want to imagine a life without you."

Jere could do nothing but wholeheartedly agree. He didn't want to imagine one either. He was sure it wouldn't end well for him. And probably it would end very quickly.

"I've been thinking about your idea. The idea that you could work for me I mean." Oh. "And I... I see what you mean... but I don't want to be that to you... I don't want to give you orders. I don't want you to follow my orders or to be scared to speak up."

Jere nodded. He understood. He already was scared of saying or doing something wrong, and working for his boyfriend surely wouldn't help with that.

"I'd love to live with you. I mean... only if you want of course. But we're not allowed to. Not like this. And you are right, it might be possible if you worked in my house."

"Yes yes." That was what he had been trying to say. It probably was the only way.

"So maybe... maybe we can live together like a normal couple, and if someone asks, we tell them you are working for me? But you don't actually do any work."

The idea sounded good. It sounded like having a safe place and a roof over his head. But honestly, Jere would have agreed to anything if it meant he could be with his boyfriend.

"Yes!" He agreed instantly. "Yes yes! But what do work?"

"Who? Me?" Bojan laughed. "Do you not believe I can do that?"

"Oh no, I not say..." He shouldn't have asked.

"It's fine, Jere, don't apologise. I... I just hope I won't disappoint you."

"Disa... dis...?" What did he mean?

"Disappoint." His boyfriend looked away. "It means I... I don't know if I can give you what you hope for... what you want... what you need."

"Oh." He hadn't known that Bojan had fears about being not enough for him too. It made no sense, because why would Jere think Bojan was not enough when he himself barely had anything to give to his boyfriend?

"I told you I'm a failure." Bojan laughed but it didn't sound funny.

Jere shook his head. "You not. You good person. And I not want money, I want you. I very happy if I with you. And if I live."

His boyfriend was doing so much for him and he couldn't give him anything in return. Bojan was definitely not the one who had to worry about this.

"You would be fine with living in... I don't know... one tiny little room?"

"Yes? I live one room and my brother. You know, no?"

"Yeah, but..." Bojan stopped. "Yeah, you're right."

"I no problem. But I help, yes? Help you. You do all, I do no. That no good." He couldn't just sit there, doing nothing all day, and only take and take.

"I didn't say you can't help. Help would be great. But there's a difference between helping and working for someone."

Jere nodded. "Okay, I help. Not work."

"Good." Bojan smiled, pulling him closer. "Then let's do this!"

"Yes." Jere didn't know how he himself could help to make this idea become reality but he happily agreed.

They spent the time cuddling, kissing, holding hands. Talking about everything and nothing. Just looking at each other, enjoying the other's presence. Enjoying every second they could spend together.

It almost made Jere forget that he didn't belong here.

Almost.

Suddenly, something knocked at the door. Or rather someone. Bojan's friends who were coming back.

Unsure, Jere looked at his boyfriend. What was he supposed to do now? What did he have to do to have a chance to be accepted or at least not hated by Bojan's friends?

Bojan squeezed Jere's hand. "It's going to be fine."

Jere nodded, not sure whether his boyfriend was trying to convince him or himself. Maybe both.

They brought some space between them, and Bojan let go of his hand, turning towards the door. "Come in."

The door was opened and three men entered the cabin. Bojan's friends. Now Jere had time to look at them. And show his most friendly smile.

The last one closed the door, and the men sat down, looking at him. For a moment, it was quiet, and Jere wanted to run. It wasn't that he didn't want to get to know Bojan's friends, no, he definitely did want that, but this situation felt so strange and scary.

Finally, Bojan spoke up. "Uh... yeah, these are my friends. Martin, Kris, and Jure." Jere smiled at them, promising himself that he would remember their names. And Jure almost sounded like Jere, didn't it?

"And this..." Bojan turned towards him. "This is Jere."

The men nodded. They didn't look disgusted or unfriendly, they rather looked... curious? Yes, probably curious, which was a good sign, wasn't it?

However, the silence still felt awful. Was Jere supposed to say something? But what should he say? What could he say without completely embarrassing himself with his bad English?

"Jere?" The friend called Jure suddenly spoke up. "What's... uh... your favourite colour?"

Colour? What did that mean?

The others looked at Jure, seeming almost as confused as Jere. Jure shrugged. "What? It's not a bad question! Blue like the sky, red like a heart, orange like... like an orange..."

The others laughed, and Jere finally understood what a colour was. Väri.

Jure continued talking about colours. "Bojan likes pink." Oh, that was good to know. "Because... uh... I don't even know... But which colour do you like?"

"I like..." Keltainen. But what was it in English? "I like... green." Vihreä. That was a good colour too, wasn't it?

"Nice, green like... nature."

Jere nodded. "Yes, I like."

"Is there a lot of nature where you are from?"

"Yes yes, many many tree."

"That sounds like a good place."

Jere smiled. "Yes, very good."

"You're from Finland, right?"

Jere nodded.

"It's cold, isn't it? Far north."

"Yes, more cold." Jere agreed. "But not always cold. You know Finland?" He was surprised that Bojan's friend knew anything about Finland. Usually, people didn't even know about its existence.

"I've never been there. But I've heard about it."

Kris laughed. "We all have heard about it. And now this finally makes sense!"

Confused, Jere looked at him. What was he talking about? What had Jere missed?

"Our friend Bojči was suddenly very interested in that country." Kris grinned. "But he never told us why, and I guess now we know."

Oh. Bojan had done some recherche about his country? He hadn't known that his boyfriend was interested in that.

Jere glanced at Bojan sitting next to him on the bed. Bojan was looking away, blushing. Oh. Cute.

"Yeah." Jure agreed. "We all have heard. I don't remember everything but there was something about cold and short days. Or long days."

"And... uh... sauna?"

"Oh, yes." Jere nodded. "Cold and many ice... long time. Other time... many sun. Long long day. And sauna very good! If cold time, go sauna. Warm. Good. Very good, yes yes."

Jere had left his country years ago but he still remembered it quite well, and it made him happy that they seemed to be genuinely interested in hearing about it.

If only his English wasn't that bad.

"So, you can confirm that it's true?"

Jere didn't know what confirm meant but he could tell that the points were true, so he nodded again. "True, yes yes."

Now Martin spoke up. "Can I ask you why you left Finland?"

"I... öö... work." It wasn't the only reason but it wasn't a lie.

"For work?"

"Yes. My... parents die and my brother want work. We go."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It okay. Long time." Years had passed since then. And he still could barely speak English.

"You have a brother?"

"Yes. Big brother, he want come too but he not can. He come later. Maybe." Hopefully. Hopefully, Mikke would be able to follow them.

"Oh, he's taking a different ship?"

"I hope. I not know. Because ticket very... very... öö... money." Kallis. Whatever it was in English.

Martin looked at him. "So, you're travelling alone?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Yes." It surely was, and he couldn't say he wasn't scared about what could happen.

However, he still didn't regret it.

"But ticket here. My brother say I can go, we see Amerikka."

"Oh, you decided to go alone because you had already paid for the tickets and it was expensive?"

"Yes." Jere nodded.

"Wait..." Kris looked at Bojan and him. "Did you two know you would end up on the same ship?"

Oh. Jere looked at his boyfriend and then away. Bojan's friends didn't know?

"Bojan, did you know?"

"I... maybe..."

Kris laughed. "You planned this, didn't you?"

"I... uh... well..."

"That's a yes! Next mystery solved." Kris grinned. "Now we know why you wanted to take exactly this ship. You wanted to be on the same ship as Jere."

"Kris, I..."

"No need for excuses or lies, and don't apologize. It's actually a smart idea. I mean if you want to see each other again, you need to know where the other one is. And America isn't small."

Kris was right. America was huge. It was huge and it would be hard to find someone there. It would be really hard for Mikke to find him.

Maybe it would even be impossible.

Jere swallowed. It had been his own decision. A decision about whether he had wanted to take this ship or not. A choice between staying in England or going to America.

But perhaps also a choice between Bojan and Mikke.

And he had chosen his boyfriend.

He had chosen his boyfriend even though he knew it was risky and dangerous. Even though he knew it was illegal. Even though it meant that he had to spend a big part of this journey alone.

And he couldn't even be sure whether Bojan would actually be there for him.

It was entirely possible that Jere would end up somewhere in the street all alone. Because either his boyfriend wouldn't be able to be there for him or he wouldn't want to. Which would hurt badly but Jere would understand.

He had to.

It was easier for Bojan to just let him fall.

"What's your plan in America, Jere?" Oh.

"I... I want work. And safe... place." He wanted to live with Bojan. But maybe it wasn't a good idea to tell that here now.

And probably it was just a dream that could never come true.

"That's what we want as well." Martin agreed. "Work and a place to live."

The others nodded, and Jere smiled. So, their plans weren't that different from his own. Just that the chances for them to reach their goals were way higher than his.

"You all... one house?"

"Well, maybe in the beginning." Kris shrugged. "But not forever, I hope."

"Yeah." Jure grinned at his friend. "Because you know that in the long term you are unbearable."

"At least, I don't cheat when playing cards."

"I did not cheat!"

"Sure."

Martin shook his head at his friends, then he looked at Jere. "Do you like playing cards, Jere?"

"Öö... yes!" He didn't know any details about the game they usually played or their rules but he was quite sure he would like it.

"Great." Martin smiled. "We too. We often play cards."

"Yeah, maybe you want to play a round with us later. If you don't cheat."

"I..." If he didn't do what?

Jure rolled his eyes. "Kris, I did not..."

"I wasn't talking to you but it's interesting that you feel addressed, Jure." Kris grinned.

Jure just glared at his friend but didn't answer.

Martin sighed. "Can we just agree that no one will cheat, please?"

Kris nodded, and Jure agreed too. "Of course."

Jere still wasn't sure what they meant by cheating but he understood that it was something bad.

Now Bojan spoke up. "Sure, I'll be fair and honest."

Oh. Fair and honest? Yes, his boyfriend was. Finally, Jere understood what the discussion was about.

Kris looked at him. "I hope you won't cheat either?"

Quickly, Jere shook his head. "Oh, no no, I not."

"Are you an honest person? In general, I mean."

Jere nodded. He was, wasn't he?

"No lies, no crimes?"

Oh no, difficult question. In theory, he actually was a criminal. He had a boyfriend, which was a serious crime. But that wasn't what Kris meant, was it?

"Kris." Bojan spoke before Jere could say anything. "You know I am committing a crime. Right now. Jere and I do but we aren't hurting anyone."

"Hmm... yeah..." Slowly, Kris nodded. "But I mean a real crime."

A real crime? So, Bojan's friends didn't see their relationship as a crime? That was a good sign, wasn't it?

"I not hurt people."

"And you don't steal? You wouldn't... for example... take our things, right?"

"No! Not steal thing. I good person."

"That's good." Kris smiled.

"I'm going to ask Jan and Nace if they want to come here too. They said 'no' earlier but maybe... I don't know, I just feel like I should ask again now that there is an opportunity." Bojan got up. "I will be back very soon."

Insecure, Jere watched his boyfriend leaving the cabin. The friends seemed to be nice people but he still didn't really know them. And he didn't know what to do now.

The cabin was silent, and Jere's thoughts were running through his head, making him more and more scared.

What if they had only been friendly because Bojan had been right there? What if they actually still hated him?

What if this was a trap?

What if...

"Jere?" Kris suddenly spoke up.

Jere looked at him, too scared to speak.

"He doesn't pay you, does he?"

"What?"

"Does Bojan give you money? For being with him and doing what he wants?"

"No!" Energetically, Jere shook his head. "No money." He wanted his boyfriend, not money!

"Does he pay you with something else? Does he give you gifts?" Gifts? Give?

"One day, he give bread because I very hunger."

"Oh. That's nice of him." Jure smiled. "So, it's not work?"

"Work? Oh." Now Jere understood what they meant, and the thought scared him. "No no, no work. I not... I not do that... love work... thing... I..."

Had Bojan told them Jere was working for him?!

But hadn't he just said he didn't want that?

That wasn't how Bojan saw their relationship, was it? They were boyfriends, that was what Bojan had said too. He had said he loved him too. Had he not meant it?

Jere knew he himself had no experience with relationships, he didn't even know much about love. But still, he was sure that being paid to be someone's boyfriend was not love.

"Jere, wait..." Jure snapped him out of his thoughts. "I'm sorry for the question, I...

"Bojan... say that?"

"Oh no, he didn't! He said you're his boyfriend. I just thought... I don't know... I don't think he would... use you... but maybe I just wanted to hear your point of view. I mean... I hope he treats you well, Jere?"

"Oh, yes yes." More than just well.

"Good. He's nice. Most of the time." Jure laughed.

Jere nodded. "He always nice."

"Lucky you. I wish he was always that nice to me too."

Kris smirked. "I can tell you, Jure, you do not want that!"

"Kris! You know I didn't mean it like that!" Jure glared at his friend but Kris just laughed.

Martin looked at the two of them and then at Jere. "Yeah, what they are trying to say is, Bojan is a good person." Oh yes, he was. Even to poor people.

Kris looked at Jere again. "And you know what you are doing, right?"

"I... v-visit?"

"Yeah, but I mean... everything. You know that you are taking a huge risk with this relationship, right?"

Jere nodded, looking at the floor. He did know. And he also knew that he was putting Bojan with him into danger.

Was this the point where they would tell him to get out of Bojan's life?

"You two, I mean. It's not you alone, it's Bojan as well... And I'm just... You know what you are doing, right?"

Jere nodded again. Yes, he did.

"Good." Kris smiled slightly. "Please take care."

"Yeah." Martin agreed. "Take care. Of him and of yourself. Because you mean a lot to him."

Oh.

That was not what he had expected to hear.

Jere couldn't stop the little smile spreading on his face. "He mean lot too."

"I see that."

"Yeah." Kris agreed. "We all do."

"And we're not telling you to break up, we're just worried."

"We just want the best for our friend."

Jere nodded. Yes, he wanted the best for Bojan too.

"I mean, we could try to tell him to be sensible and stop this but he is stubborn. He wouldn't listen at all."

"Yeah, he knows what he wants."

"Exactly." Kris grinned. "And it's not to listen to us."

Suddenly, the door was opened, and all heads turned towards the door, where Bojan entered the cabin. It was silent as he closed the door behind himself. "They don't want to."

It stayed silent.

"Uh..." Bojan frowned. "Is everything okay here?"

His friends nodded. "Yeah, everything alright."

Bojan sat down next to Jere, looking at him. Jere smiled. "Yes, all good."

"Glad to hear that." Bojan smiled back and shyly moved closer.

Jere grinned happily. He wanted his boyfriend to be as close as possible. He wanted to be able to touch him. He wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to cuddle.

But he knew they had to be cautious around other people. Bojan's friends seemed supportive but that didn't mean they had to find out where the limits of their support were.

Kris grinned at Bojan. "We just told Jere that you love him."

"Oh, I do!" Bojan put his arm around Jere, pulling him closer. "Of course, I love Jere!"

It sounded so easy. Like there was no problem about this. Like it wasn't illegal. Like they didn't have to hide. Like they could just tell the whole world about their love without endangering themselves.

Like they were safe.

Maybe here they were. Maybe his boyfriend could be sure that his friends would keep this secret. Maybe he could trust them.

His friends didn't comment on them cuddling. They didn't even glare at them. They just let them be and continued their conversation.

Jere wished everyone could be like that.

Later in the evening, Bojan and his friends brought Jere back to the gate. There were a few other passengers in the corridor but they quickly passed by without really looking at them.

Jere hadn't seen much of the second class area, he had spent the most time in Bojan's cabin and only seen the corridors between the cabin and the gate. But it was okay. Anything else would have been too risky. And seeing Bojan and his friends had been the most important part anyway.

They had just unlocked the gate when suddenly two crew men appeared. Jere didn't know how they had been able to appear out of nowhere but now they were here. "Good evening."

All five of them turned around, looking at the men. Jere was unable to think of any words, his mind was completely blank and his heart was beating so fast and loudly that he feared the men could hear it.

"Evening." That was all Bojan managed to say.

"Are you looking for something?" One man asked.

"Yeah." Kris, who stood next to the men, suddenly spoke up. "I was looking if there were more bathrooms."

"Bathrooms?" The man frowned.

"Yeah, could you help me and show me where I can find them?"

"Uh... sure, just follow me."

Silently, Jere watched Kris and the man walking away. Unfortunately, the other man was still standing here, eyeing them. Did he want to walk past them through the gate?

They made space for the man and he walked to the gate. "If I were you, I'd stay away from this. Over there is the third class, and you don't want to get sick, do you?"

Jere shook his head along with the others. No, they didn't want to get sick.

And they wouldn't.

It had been a great evening without hearing those sentences but of course that didn't mean he didn't have to hear them anymore.

It was what he was used to hear. It was what he knew, and those thoughts wouldn't just disappear from people's minds.

"Then you should better not spend time too close to this..." He leaned against the gate, which caused the gate to open slightly. "Oh!" Surprised, he stumbled and fell.

For a moment, they all stared at the man on the floor in shock. He had realised that the gate wasn't locked anymore. He had seen them standing at the gate. He only had to think a little to understand what had happened.

Jere didn't belong here.

And Bojan had a key.

Jere heard Martin saying something but he didn't understand a word. He couldn't tell whether it even was in English. Bojan nodded quickly and took Jere's hand. "We go."

Jere didn't say anything, he just let his boyfriend pull him along the corridor, away from the gate. Where were they going? Back to the cabin?

Was the man following them?

They hurried down several corridors until Bojan suddenly stopped and knocked at a door. But this was the wrong cabin, wasn't it?

The door was opened by a young man Jere had never seen before. Who was this? A member of the crew? Another friend? What was Bojan's plan? Why were they here?

"Oh. Bojan." The man looked surprised.

"Da. Možemo li ući?"

"Što...?"

"Molim."

The man sighed and stepped aside. Bojan pulled Jere into the cabin and the man closed the door behind the three of them.

Quickly, Jere glanced around. The cabin looked similar to the one Bojan was sharing with Martin. However, there seemed to live only one person here. Probably the man who had opened the door.

The man Bojan was talking to in a language Jere didn't understand. He could only tell it was neither Finnish nor English.

Quietly, Jere stood there, looking at the floor. It was better if he stayed silent, wasn't it? He didn't even know what this conversation was about. And he had no idea who this man was.

Was he a friend?

Suddenly, Bojan turned towards him and Jere heard his own name. Then the conversation switched to English. "Hello Jere."

Jere raised his head. Both men's eyes were on him. Bojan looked worried, the other man rather confused and curious.

"This is Luka. He is a friend."

Jere nodded, unsure what his boyfriend wanted him to do. Did Luka know who Jere was? Or did he think he was a normal second class passenger?

"Yeah, Bojan and I met on the ship."

Jere nodded again, understanding but not knowing if he should say something. If he did, Luka would definitely notice that Jere's English was bad.

And what could he even say?

"Uh..." Confused, Luka turned towards Bojan. "Does he not speak?"

"Oh, he does." Bojan put his arm around Jere, looking at his boyfriend. "Jere, are you okay?"

Jere nodded again. He was okay. Probably. Maybe.

He was okay if this here ended well. And it would end well, wouldn't it? Surely, Bojan knew what he was doing, right?

His boyfriend smiled soothingly. "It's fine. It's going to be alright."

Hopefully.

But what if the crew men found them?

What if they came here? What if they had followed them? What if they were searching for the key?

What if they found the key?

"Oh." He heard Luka speaking again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean... He doesn't have to speak, of course, it's totally okay if he doesn't."

Jere wanted to answer something but no words left his mouth. He heard Bojan and Luka talking again but he didn't understand anything.

What if the crew men caught Bojan's friends? They hadn't done anything wrong but what if the crew thought differently? What if they were already waiting in front of the cabin's door?

"Do you want to sit down?" Luka pointed at the second bed. Bojan agreed, and Jere nodded.

When they sat down, Bojan was still holding him. Jere leaned against his boyfriend for support.

Everything was okay. They were safe. And surely, Bojan's friends were safe too, there was no reason to arrest them. Now, Jere just had to find a way to get back to his cabin.

Luka looked at Bojan and him. "And you two are... friends?"

Friends, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

No, actually, they were so much more.

"We are." Bojan nodded.

"Okay..." Luka sounded like he wanted to add something but then he didn't.

It got quiet.

Too quiet. A silence where thoughts were spiralling and worries took over. A silence full of unspoken assumptions and unasked questions.

What did Luka think?

How long had they been here?

Where were the crew men?

What was the plan now?

Bojan snapped him out of his thoughts. "I think we should go and let you sleep now. It's already late. But it was nice to see you, Luka! Thank you!"

"Yeah, was nice! See you again soon."

Maybe now was the time for Jere to finally say something? Or to at least say thank you. That would be polite. Luka had been very nice, he deserved at least that.

And it couldn't be that difficult, could it?

They got up to walk to the door. Jere looked at Luka. "Thank you."

"Oh." Luka seemed to be surprised but he smiled. "You're welcome! And good luck! To both of you."

Jere wasn't sure what the second part referred to but he didn't have time to ask. Bojan and him were already standing in the corridor.

The crew men were nowhere to be seen.

Luckily.

On the way to the gate, Bojan and Jere barely met anyone. All passengers were probably either sleeping or in the public gathering areas.

When they reached the gate, they carefully looked around but no one seemed to be watching. Bojan tried to open the gate but now it was locked again.

Nervously, Jere looked into all directions again. This wasn't a trap, was it? The ship's crew wasn't waiting behind the corner, looking who would try to open the locked gate, right?

There was no one, was there?

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm.

Jere turned around, startled and with wide eyes. His heart was beating like it wanted to jump out of his chest and run away. Had they caught him now? Was this the end? Had all the running and hiding been in vain?

Had...

Oh.

He was looking directly into his boyfriend's eyes. Bojan! It was Bojan! There was no one except for his boyfriend, whose hand was on his arm.

Everything was alright.

He was just being overanxious.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Bojan quickly took his hand away, looking apologetically.

"Oh no no, you good." It was his own problem if he was seeing the ship's crew and the police everywhere waiting to catch them. His boyfriend hadn't done anything wrong.

Bojan smiled slightly. "It's open."

Jere nodded. He took off the hat and the jacket he had gotten from Bojan's friend and squeezed his boyfriend's hand. There was no time for a real goodbye and this was definitely not the place. He had to get to the other side of the gate as quickly as possible.

Bojan squeezed back. "See you soon."

"Yes. Soon." Jere let go, looked around again, and then he sneaked back into the third class area.

Bojan closed the gate between them. For a last time, Jere looked back at the gate and at Bojan whose eyes were still on him, looking sad.

Jere tried to smile. Then he turned around and started his way back to his cabin. Where he was supposed to be. Where he was allowed to be.

But where he didn't want to be.

He had reached his cabin without any incidents. Now, back in his cabin, all alone and in silence, except for the sound of the ship's engines, he felt empty.

It was like he had used up all happiness while being with Bojan and his friends. And all his energy had been used up while trying to get back to the third class.

Now, nothing was left anymore.

That was why he had decided to go to sleep. Tomorrow, everything would look different, wouldn't it? He just had to get some sleep, that was all.

Maybe he could even dream about something nice. Yes, that was a good idea. That was what he would do.

So, Jere ended up in his bed, closing his eyes. He was tired, and it didn't take long until he fell asleep.

He couldn't know that the next day would indeed look different. Completely different. But not in a good way.

He couldn't know that no matter what he was dreaming about in this moment, this night would end up being the worst nightmare of his life.

He didn't hear the engines being stopped. He didn't notice the impact as the huge ship hit the iceberg.

He was asleep. Calm and carefree. Unaware of what was happening outside his cabin. Unaware of what was about to come upon him.

Chapter Text

Many thoughts were going through Bojan's mind as he was walking back to his cabin. It had worked. It actually had worked. They had managed to get Jere to the second class and back.

They had spent a great evening together, and the meeting between his friends and Jere had gone well too, hadn't it?

His friends had asked questions, of course they had, but they hadn't been mean, had they? They even seemed to like his boyfriend.

Only the end hadn't gone as well as he had hoped. The plan had been to quickly bring Jere back to the gate but then the ship's crew had seen them, and they had had to leave.

Well, actually, only Jere and Bojan had had to leave. Jere because he wasn't allowed to be there, and Bojan because he had been carrying a stolen key. But he wouldn't have left his boyfriend alone anyway.

Hopefully, his friends were alright. They surely were in their cabins, weren't they? There was no reason for the ship's crew to not let them go. They hadn't done anything wrong.

There was no reason to worry, was there?

The actually risky part was already over. He had been able to run away with Jere and they had hidden in Luka's cabin. No one had found them. No one even knew that they had been there. No one except them and Luka.

And Luka didn't know about them. He didn't know why they had suddenly appeared in front of his cabin's door. He didn't know anything about Jere except for his first name. Actually, it was a miracle that Luka had even let them in.

Probably, Bojan had taken him by surprise.

He had taken Jere by surprise as well, hadn't he? His boyfriend hadn't looked comfortable, not speaking but just staring into nothingness, and Bojan felt bad about it.

It had seemed to be the right thing. The perfect place to hide from the security as quickly as possible but he hadn't thought about the problems this could cause as well.

Luka wouldn't tell anyone, would he?

They hadn't told him the whole story, so Luka didn't even know, right? He couldn't even know, right?

But the question if they were friends...

It hadn't meant anything, had it? It had been just... a very logical question because Luka hadn't known Jere, right? Nothing else. That had been it, hadn't it?

And the good luck wishes in the end had just been a normal goodbye, right? Because you would want your friends to be lucky, wouldn't you?

Oh, if only this would end well.

He reached his cabin and knocked at the door. He waited until the door was opened by Martin and he was let in.

However, Martin wasn't alone. When he entered the cabin, he saw Kris and Jure waiting in the cabin, looking at him.

Martin closed the door and sighed in relief. "You made it."

Bojan nodded. Yeah, he had made it. He had made it back to his cabin. The security hadn't caught him.

"Where have you been? Are you okay? What about Jere?"

"He's back in... uh... on the other side. In his cabin I hope."

"He made it?"

"He did."

"Good." Martin sat down on his bed. "I mean not good that he's left but good that he's safe."

"Yeah." Bojan agreed. Of course, his friend was right. But still, he already missed his boyfriend.

Kris sighed. "Oh, that really was something. A real adventure, and we haven't even arrived in America yet."

Jure nodded. "Yeah, this was... exciting."

"I'm sorry." Bojan looked away. "I... I didn't know it would go like this."

"Don't be. It ended well. And you can't say you regret bringing him here."

"No, I... I'm... You're right, I don't. But I'm sorry for bringing you all into this."

Jure shook his head. "We're your friends. Don't apologise. And we're safe. The man just asked some questions but he didn't accuse us of anything, he just talked to us."

"He didn't follow Jere and me?"

"No. At least not immediately, maybe he tried to find you later but then you were long gone."

"The one that showed me the way didn't do anything either. Except for showing me the way and talking a bit."

"But, Bojan, where have you been? We came back here and you were nowhere to be found."

Bojan swallowed. "In Luka's cabin."

Jure looked confused. "Who?"

"I met him here on the ship. He's nice."

"You took Jere to another passenger's cabin? Oh, this really... You're... not afraid of taking risks."

"No, I... I thought this was the best way to quickly disappear. I thought..." Probably, his friends were right. It had been careless.

He could only hope that Luka didn't know. That he hadn't connected the dots. That he wouldn't report them.

Maybe Bojan should talk to him later.

For a moment, it was quiet. Then Kris spoke up. "I think I get it now. I think I understand."

Bojan frowned. "You understand what?"

"Why you do this. Why you take all the risk to be with him. He is really nice. I like him."

"Yeah, I like him too." Jure agreed. Then he looked at Bojan. "But don't worry, I won't take him away from you, I don't like him in that way."

"Thank you for giving him a chance. It really means a lot to me."

"Of course!" Martin smiled. "That's the point in getting to know someone."

"Yes, but... yes." If only Jan and Nace thought the same way too.

For a moment, it was quiet.

Bojan had to think about his other two friends. He had tried to include them. He really had. But they had decided that they didn't want to be a part of this.

When Bojan had gone to their cabin and had asked if they wanted to come over and meet Jere, they had looked at him in shock.

Energetically, they had shaken their heads and had told him that he was insane, careless, and stupid. That he should leave their cabin immediately and not get them into trouble.

"If anyone asks, we know nothing and have no idea who you are."

They hadn't been completely wrong about it being crazy but it had felt like they were announcing the end of their friendship, and that had hurt.

Bojan didn't want to lose his friends. Jan and Nace still meant a lot to him. He still saw them as two of his best friends.

They still were, weren't they?

Were they?

"Has anyone talked to Jan and Nace?"

Kris frowned. "You were the last one. When you went to their cabin to ask them if they wanted to see your boyfriend."

"Yeah, but... yeah..."

"Hmm..." Jure thought about it. "They've been rather quiet lately."

Bojan looked at him. "To you too? I thought they were only avoiding me."

"Maybe not exactly avoiding but they've been quieter than usual."

"Yeah." Martin agreed. "Maybe we should talk to them?"

Kris looked at his pocket watch. "They're probably asleep. It's quite late."

"Not now." Martin shook his head. "Tomorrow is another day."

Bojan nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

"Maybe we should go to sleep now as well."

The others agreed. It had been an eventful evening, and now as the adrenaline was leaving their systems, they were getting tired.

"Good night, see you tomorrow!"

"Good night!" Kris and Jure left the cabin to go to their own cabin.

A little later, Bojan was lying in his bunk bed, staring at the wall. He wanted to sleep. He really tried.

Unfortunately, though, he couldn't. There were way too many thoughts running through his head, keeping him awake.

He thought about Jan and Nace, who had been his friends since so many years, and now he was about to lose them because he had a boyfriend.

He thought about Jere, whom he already missed so much. Hopefully, he was okay and safe, sleeping peacefully in his cabin.

He thought about Martin, Kris, and Jure. His friends who supported him and had helped him get Jere to his cabin. His friends who had given his boyfriend a chance and had seen that Jere actually was a good person.

He thought about the security guards they always had to run from. The security who would arrest them if they caught Jere and him. The security who had to arrest them.

He thought about society that hated people like Jere and him for being happy. Society that made all those rules that made no sense. All those rules that prohibited Jere and him to be together.

He thought about his family, who could never know about Jere and him. His family, who had to think that he was going to get married and have children. His family, who had to believe that he was successful and not the failure he actually was.

He closed his eyes.

There was no chance. He wouldn't fall asleep now. He could just as well get up again. Maybe a little walk on deck would help?

He got up from the bunk bed to put on warm clothes. It surely was cold outside, especially at this time, and he didn't want to catch a cold.

"Bojan? What are you doing?" He heard Martin's voice.

Oh, his friend was still awake.

"Just going to catch some fresh air. I'll be back soon."

"Okay. But please be quiet when you come back, I'm trying to sleep."

"Of course." Bojan nodded.

At this moment, there was a slight shock, a noticeable vibration going through the ship.

"Bojan, what are you doing?" Martin sounded like he was already half-asleep.

"That wasn't me." This time, Bojan really hadn't done anything.

"What?"

"The vibration. That was the ship, I didn't do anything."

"Hmm... Yeah, whatever... I want to sleep."

"Of course." Bojan nodded. "Sleep well!"

He opened the door and left the cabin. On the way to the deck, he kept thinking about his boyfriend, his friends, and the unfortunate situation he was in.

The odd vibration was already forgotten.

It was cold outside. He wrapped himself into his coat and stepped on the promenade. The wind blowing into his face was good to clear his mind.

There were only a few people on deck, standing at the railing and staring into the dark. Bojan walked closer, and then he saw it too.

There was something grey or white in the distance. A white mass in the darkness, shone upon by bright stars. It had to be huge if he still could see it from here.

What was going on?

He looked at the white thing in the water. Was this an iceberg? Of course, he knew what an iceberg was, but he had never seen one in reality.

However, it would make sense.

They were in the North Atlantic Ocean, far away from the coast. It was cold, not enough to make the whole ocean freeze but cold enough for ice to not melt.

And what else would it be if not an iceberg?

Impressed, he looked at the white mass. It was huge. Not as huge as the ship but still really huge. A massive block of ice floating in the ocean.

An interesting thing to see.

The ship was moving, further and further away from the iceberg, and the white mass was getting smaller and smaller.

Bojan was lucky, he still had been able to see it. He had been in the right place at the right time. Of course, the ship wouldn't stop and wait until everyone had seen the iceberg, they had to continue the journey to get to America in time.

Bojan looked at the dark ocean and the sky. The air was very clear in this night, and the stars were shining bright in the dark. It was a beautiful and impressive view.

For some minutes, he kept admiring the lights. It felt like a special moment. Here, in the middle of the ocean, far away from everything he knew.

They were far away from England. Far away from Ljubljana. Far away from Finland. And still far away from America. There was still a very long...

Wait...

The engines had stopped, hadn't they?

He couldn't feel the slight vibration of the engines anymore. They must have been stopped.

But why?

Because it was night? Were they taking a break? Admiring the stars? Slowing down for this part of the route? Probably, something like that. The ship was huge, if the engines were stopped, it still continued its way for a while, just slowing down.

Bojan turned around and stepped away from the railing. Walking a bit would hopefully help him get tired, so he could finally sleep. Like his friends and his boyfriend, who surely were asleep by now.

Without a destination, he walked from one side of the promenade to the other. The wind kept blowing at his face and it felt like it was blowing at least a part of his worries away.

When he came back to the door leading inside, he was almost run over by two women hurrying outside on deck.

"Oh, excuse me." He stopped abruptly and let them pass.

He didn't get an answer. The women seemed to not even have noticed him. They were busy rushing to the railing and talking anxiously.

"Selina, ich sehe nichts!"

"Die Maschinen sind ausgeschaltet! Etwas ist geschehen!"

"Ja! Etwas stimmt hier nicht!"

One woman turned away from the railing, looking around. Now she spotted Bojan standing nearby. "Was ist geschehen?"

She had asked him in German about what had happened, hadn't she? As if Bojan knew anything. He was only a passenger himself. "Ich weiß nicht."

The other woman turned towards him as well. "Wir fahren nicht mehr! Warum fahren wir nicht mehr?!"

Bojan shrugged. He had no idea why the engines had been stopped.

"Das sollte doch nicht so sein! Sind Sie nicht besorgt?"

Worried? No, he wasn't worried about the engines, he was worried about being caught by the police. But that was nothing he could tell them.

He shook his head. "Nein."

"Nein?! Aber warum fahren wir dann nicht mehr?!"

"Ich weiß nicht. Ich bin hier... seit einigen Minuten." The engines had already been stopped when he came here for fresh air, hadn't they?

"Oh." The women still looked anxious, and Bojan wished he could help them.

"Sehen Sie die Sterne? Wunderschön!" He tried to change the topic and pointed at the stars.

"Ja, ja." The women nodded but he felt like they weren't actually listening. They turned away from him, anxiously talking to each other.

Bojan gave up. He wanted to help but he didn't want to disturb, and they obviously were not interested in admiring the sky. He couldn't do anything.

He walked to the railing between the second and the third class open deck space. In contrast to the women, he felt calm. He couldn't think of a reason for panic.

Surely, the ship's crew had everything under control. They knew what they were doing, Bojan didn't, he had no idea about how a ship worked.

Moreover, this was the Titanic. A huge ship and built to be unsinkable. There really was no reason to be worried.

A few passengers were in the third class open deck space but he couldn't spot his boyfriend. Probably, Jere was asleep after this stressful evening.

Bojan should be sleeping too. If only he could.

He stood there for a while, looking down to the third class area, but his boyfriend didn't appear. Of course not. It was the middle of the night. Time to sleep, not to stand on deck.

Suddenly, he noticed some men, members of the ship's crew, entering the deck. What were they doing?

They weren't here to catch him, were they?

No, it looked like...

Wait...

Were they uncovering the lifeboats?!

What was going on? Had the women been right? Had actually something happened? Something worse than he had thought?

He walked over to a member of the ship's crew. "What is going on? Do we have to leave the ship?"

The man quickly glanced at him. "No panic. Women and children first."

So, it... It was serious?!

Something had happened?

"Are we going to sink?!"

"Don't panic, please stay calm and get ready to be outside for a longer time."

Slowly, Bojan started realising what that meant. They had to leave the ship. Maybe the ship would sink. He had to warn his friends! They had to come on deck too!

As fast as he could, he rushed inside, passing by the passengers who were on the way to the deck.

The way to his cabin felt endless. He had to get there quickly. He had to warn his friends. He had to warn them now.

Finally, he opened the door to his cabin. "Martin! Wake up! Martin!"

"Bojan?" His friend barely sounded awake. "Quiet... I want to sleep!"

"No! Not now! Get up! We need to go!"

"Go?" Martin seemed confused. But at least a bit more awake now. "What?! It's the middle of the night!"

"We're probably sinking." This was not the time for discussions.

"We're what??!" Now Martin seemed awake.

"Sinking. Take your warm clothes and come, we need to tell the others."

"Are you sure? I mean... I thought we couldn't... I thought we were..."

"I thought so too but they are getting the lifeboats ready. Believe me, I would never joke about this."

"I know, I know." Martin nodded, quickly getting up. "I just... I can't believe this."

Bojan couldn't either but he had seen it with his own eyes. It was true. The crew was getting the lifeboats ready and telling the passengers to get on deck.

It felt like a bad dream.

Bojan knocked at the door of the cabin Kris and Jure were sharing. He had to knock several times until the door finally was opened by a very sleepy Kris.

"Kris, you need to get dressed and get on deck! Jure too! Put on warm clothes, we need to leave the ship!"

Kris looked at him like he was insane. "Bojan, what?!"

"I'm not joking, come!"

Kris shook his head. "What on earth did you do now?!"

"Nothing, Kris. But we're sinking, so get up!"

His friend's eyes grew wide. "We're what?!"

"Sinking. The crew is getting the lifeboats ready."

"We're... we're coming." Kris nodded and turned around. "Jure, get up! Now!"

Bojan rushed to the cabin Jan and Nace were sharing. There was no time to think about the fights he had had with them. Now was not the time to be angry or hurt.

Now was the time to warn them, and he would always do that, no matter how much they hurt him or hated him. Because they meant something to him. They meant a lot to him.

Bojan knocked at the door.

No answer.

He knocked again, louder and longer.

Finally, the door was opened, and Nace looked at him with tired eyes. "Bojan?"

"Get up! Quickly!"

"It's the middle of the night. Go to sleep."

"No, it's an emergency!"

"We can talk about it tomorrow."

"We're sinking!"

"We can't sink."

"We can! The crew is getting the lifeboats ready! Come on deck and see!"

"What?! Really?!" Nace looked at him in disbelief.

"Unfortunately, yeah. Put on warm clothes and come! Jan too!"

"Okay, we're coming." Nace agreed.

"Thank you." Relieved, Bojan turned around to go back to his own cabin, where Martin just had finished getting ready to leave.

"Are they coming?"

"They are." Bojan nodded. Fortunately, all his friends had believed him very quickly. Or they had at least decided that it was better to have a look themselves instead of going back to sleep.

"Good." Martin looked relieved. "Let's wait for them then."

Bojan agreed. Of course, they would wait for their friends. They all should go on deck as quickly as possible but they surely had a bit of time. Such a huge ship couldn't sink that quickly.

If it even would sink after all.

They didn't have to wait for long until Kris and Jure came out of their cabin, wrapped into warm coats. They looked shocked and disbelieving.

"So, we're... actually sinking?" Jure looked like he was still hoping it was only a very bad joke.

Martin nodded. "I fear so if they're filling the lifeboats. They wouldn't do this for fun, especially not in the middle of the night."

Now, Bojan spotted some members of the crew, walking from cabin to cabin, knocking at the doors to wake up all passengers.

Before they reached the cabin that Jan and Nace were sharing, the cabin's door was opened, and Jan and Nace left the cabin, walking over to Bojan, Martin, Kris, and Jure.

"But we can't sink, the ship is unsinkable." Nace was muttering to himself.

Kris shook his head. "Nothing is unsinkable."

"Let's go." Martin pointed down the corridor in the direction they had to walk. "We don't have time now."

They made their way along the corridors, towards the second class promenade. Bojan had never seen that many people in the corridor at this late time.

The most passengers didn't look worried, some looked rather annoyed that they had been woken up in the middle of the night. A little boy was crying.

When they reached the deck, they saw that it was definitely more crowded than it had been some minutes before. Passengers were standing on deck, musicians were playing somewhere nearby, and the ship's crew had started loading the first lifeboat.

Bojan, Martin, Kris, Jure, Jan, and Nace kept standing at the side. They wouldn't be the first ones to leave the ship in a lifeboat anyway, and they didn't want to stand in the way.

Jure stared at the lifeboat. "I can't believe this, I can't believe this."

"Maybe it's just a drill, maybe it's just to see if everything works in an emergency." Nace was talking to himself.

Jan shook his head. "I don't think so. It would be a very odd time for that."

Nace sighed. "Yeah, but... yeah..."

Bojan spotted the two women he had met earlier. They were standing at the railing, looking at the first lifeboat. One of them was energetically shaking her head while the other one was talking to her.

"Ich werde nicht in dieses Boot steigen!"

"Aber wir müssen!"

"Das Boot wird sinken!"

"Nein, das Schiff wird sinken!"

"Das Schiff ist viel sicherer als ein winziges Boot!"

Bojan only heard parts of the conversation but he realised that they were discussing about whether it was safer to get on a lifeboat or to stay on the ship.

He looked at the lifeboat. Yeah, he had to admit that it did look small and unsafe compared to the huge ship. A tiny little boat in the middle of the wide ocean.

It didn't look like a good choice.

But staying on a sinking ship for sure wasn't a good choice either. If the ship actually sunk, it definitely was the worst of all options.

"Why do we have to be here?" He heard a woman complain loudly. "It's cold outside!"

A man agreed with her. "Yeah, we can't sink. And even if we could... I don't see any water here."

Jan shook his head, muttering quietly, so only his friends could hear it. "Be glad you can't see it yet!"

Kris nodded. "We're at the top of the ship. Maybe you can see something on the lower decks."

Yeah, the lower decks would be the first ones to...

Jere!

Jere's cabin was on a lower deck!

Jere!

Where was he?

Had he made it on deck as well?

Or was he still in his cabin?

In front of his inner eye, he saw horrible scenes. Jere sleeping while water flooded the cabin. Jere trying to open the cabin's door but the water pressing it shut. Jere trying to run from the water but being overtaken by a wave.

Bojan rushed to the railing between the second and the third class. The third class open deck space had gotten more crowded as well. Was his boyfriend there?

He looked at every single person, checking if they looked like Jere. But no one did. His boyfriend was not there.

He must be still on a lower deck.

Maybe still asleep, not even noticing anything.

Bojan had to help him. He had to go down and tell Jere to come on deck. He couldn't just stay here while his boyfriend was in danger. He had to do something.

He would never forgive himself if he let him drown.

Maybe Jere was locked somewhere in the third class, unable to reach the boat's deck. Maybe he was waiting at the gate.

If only he hadn't locked it.

He turned around and walked back to his friends. "I need to find Jere."

Martin shook his head. "No, you need to stay here on deck."

"No, I need to find Jere and make sure he's okay."

"Bojan, no. I understand that you want to see him but..."

"No, you don't understand. I need to find him."

Kris shook his head. "Bojan, please. He surely is on the way to the deck."

"What if he isn't? He went to sleep, what if he's still...?"

"He will have woken up."

"He's in the third class and his cabin is on a very low deck. They probably haven't even tried to wake him up." He had seen how little the crew cared about third class passengers.

"Bojan, please be reasonable. You can't go down to the lower decks now. If we're sinking, they're the first ones to be flooded."

"That's exactly why I need to go there!" He knew it was dangerous. But it wasn't going to stop him. "Jere is there!"

Now, Jan spoke up. "Bojan, don't you understand?! You're going to die there!"

"I'd rather die there with Jere than surviving here without him!"

"Bojan..." Martin made a last attempt to stop him but Bojan didn't listen.

"Don't wait for me." With these words, he turned around and walked through the door back inside, ignoring his friends calling his name.

He had to find Jere.

There was no other way. He had to find him.

Jere, Jere, Jere.

As quickly as he could, he hurried along the corridors. He didn't have to be inconspicuous anymore. There was no point in hiding when everyone was only trying to survive.

Nobody would care about an insane passenger running towards the water instead of running away from it. Nobody would care about his relationship to a third class passenger.

Nobody would care about anything or anyone but themselves.

There were still people on the way to the boat's deck, rushing past him. Most of them barely looked at him. Someone tried to warn him and told him to go on deck.

Of course, Bojan didn't listen. He only nodded, clasping the key in his pocket and continuing his way deeper into the ship.

When he finally reached the gate, he saw a couple of passengers standing behind the bars, looking at him.

Jere was not there.

With shaking fingers, Bojan put the key into the lock and turned it around, unlocking the gate. "Go up to the deck. There's lifeboats." He pointed down the corridor on the second class side.

He wasn't sure if they actually understood what he was saying but they rushed past him down the corridor into the right direction.

Bojan went into the opposite direction, through the gate and into the third class area. As quickly as he could, he ran towards Jere's cabin.

Why hadn't he told his boyfriend to stay the night with him? Why had he let him go back to the third class?

Why were these cabins so deep down in the ship? Why was this corridor only getting longer and longer? Why was Jere's cabin so far away?

In theory, he knew it wasn't his fault. It was not his fault that the ship was sinking. It was not his fault that Jere was a third class passenger alone in his cabin. It was not his fault that the third class cabins were located on the lower decks.

It all was not his fault.

But still, he felt guilty.

He had promised himself to protect his boyfriend and he had failed. He had left him alone.

He had left him alone to...

No, there still was a chance.

There had to be a chance if he found him now. He just had to find him before it was too late. He had to get to Jere before the water did.

There still was a chance.

It wasn't too late yet.

There still was hope.

There was...

Abruptly, Bojan stopped, staring in horror. There was water in the corridor. The water had already reached this deck.

"Jere!" He shouted as loud as he could. "Jere!"

There was no answer.

"Jere! Please! Jere!"

No answer.

The reasonable choice would be to turn around and run back to the top deck as fast as he could. The water was merciless, it would take anything with it that came in its way, no matter if object or human.

And it was rising incessantly.

The corridor was sloping. So far, only the end of the corridor was flooded, but soon it would be the whole corridor. And all of the cabins.

Jere's cabin.

"Jere! Jere!"

Silence.

Desperately, Bojan kept staring down the corridor but nothing happened. At this moment, he made a decision.

A decision against all reason and rationality.

He took a deep breath and kept running, towards and into the water. His shoes were soaked in no time and he felt like freezing.

But it didn't stop him.

The further he ran, the deeper the water got. Running became more and more difficult, and he had to slow down.

But it didn't stop him.

He didn't waste a thought about his own safety. There was only one thing in his mind. He had to find his boyfriend.

Jere! Where was Jere?

He wasn't far from Jere's cabin anymore when it happened. He slipped and fell into the cold water.

Chapter Text

Jere didn't know what had woken him up or for how long he had been asleep. But he was quite sure it was still night. He was tired and he just wanted to go back to sleep.

In the corridor outside his cabin, he heard voices but he didn't understand anything. Who was walking along the corridor at this time?

And why couldn't they be quiet? They would alarm the crew, and if the crew caught them, they would definitely not have a good time.

He listened, anticipating the shouting of a crew man. However, nothing happened. The only thing he heard was the footsteps in the corridor.

Maybe they were lucky.

Jere couldn't be mad at anyone walking around in the middle of the night. Bojan and him had done the same. They had even sneaked into the wrong class.

Just that they had done it quietly.

For a moment, it was silent and Jere turned around in his bed, facing the wall. But then, there were noises in the corridor again.

What was going on there?

He pushed the blanket aside to get out of the bed. It was cold and he immediately wanted to crawl back into bed. When his feet touched the floor, he froze.

It felt icy and...

Wet?!

Quickly, he turned on the light in his cabin, and then he saw it. There was water running through the little gap under the door into the cabin.

Why was there water?!

What did this mean?

What was going on?

He had no idea. He only saw that the water didn't stop. With every second, there was more and more water running into his cabin.

To get away from the water, he quickly climbed on the top bed of the bunk bed. He wrapped himself into the blanket but it didn't stop him from shaking.

He didn't know if it was from the cold or from shock but it didn't matter. Paralysed, he stared at the water in his cabin.

He could swim but it wouldn't be of any use when the cabin would be completely flooded. He could only hope that it would stop before.

It would, wouldn't it?

The longer he watched, the more water flooded the cabin. It rose higher, now almost reaching the lower bed.

But it would stop, wouldn't it?

If it didn't...

He had always known that he wouldn't get old but he had never thought that this was the way he would go.

Drowning in the largest ship of the world.

At least, Bojan wasn't here with him. Hopefully, his boyfriend was safe in another part of the ship.

Bojan was in second class. His cabin was on a higher deck. Not here where the water was. He was safe, wasn't he? Jere wanted to believe it.

Sitting on the bed, he watched the water flooding the lower bed. First, there were only a few waves reaching the mattress. Then, the water completely soaked it.

Maybe he should run.

No. Probably, he should run.

The water was only rising higher and higher. Running would be the only reasonable consequence. However, he was unable to move.

What was the matter anyway? He wouldn't be missed. He was useless and worthless. It didn't matter if he was dead or alive.

Who would even notice that he was gone?

Mikke? Probably, if his brother would ever make it to America. Bojan? Maybe, but he would easily find someone new. Someone better.

And how could Jere even leave at this point? The water was everywhere. His cabin's door was the place where the water was coming from.

He couldn't leave.

He couldn't run.

He could only sit on the bed, watching the water rise. Higher and higher. Flooding more and more of his cabin.

He was unable to move. Not only because the place he was sitting on was the only dry place but also because his body was frozen. Everything was happening so quickly and slowly at the same time, and all he could do was watch it happening.

It felt like a nightmare.

The kind of nightmare where you ran and ran but didn't get anywhere. The kind where you saw the catastrophe coming but couldn't do anything to prevent it from happening.

Just that he didn't run. He didn't even try to prevent anything. He didn't move. He was frozen. Frozen in cold and shock.

He kept staring at the water. He didn't know if he was scared. He didn't know what he was feeling. Maybe nothing. He couldn't think.

He had no idea how much time had passed since he had woken up. Maybe hours. Maybe only minutes. He had lost all sense of time. The only thing he knew for sure was that the water was still rising.

Suddenly, he heard noises from outside the cabin again. A voice. Someone shouting. Was there someone in the corridor?

That had to be another passenger trying to escape. Surely, the corridor was flooded as well. And probably also this passenger's cabin.

However, he felt like the shouting voice was coming closer instead of moving away. Maybe he was just imaging it. Because who would be so stupid and go to a flooded part of the ship on purpose?

Yes, it definitely was his imagination because now he heard his own name. And it sounded like Bojan's voice, which was impossible.

His boyfriend wasn't here, his boyfriend was in the second class area.

Far away from him.

However, the voice was still coming closer. Like it was on the way to him. Probably, Jere had gone insane. Or Bojan had if it actually was him.

All of a sudden, it was quiet. The voice was gone. He couldn't hear it anymore. So, it actually had only been his imagination, hadn't it?

But then, he heard someone cough in the corridor. What if it wasn't his imagination after all? What if there actually was someone?

Bojan?

Suddenly, he was able to move again. Before he could even think about what he was doing, he had already jumped down from the bunk bed.

With a splash, he landed in the water. It wasn't deep enough for him to have to swim yet, he could still stand, but the jump made him stumble and fall, so now he was completely soaked.

It was freezing and he was shaking. But he didn't care. He walked over to the door and tried to open it. It wasn't easy. The water seemed to be pressing it shut and everything was slippery and cold.

Finally, he managed to push the door open, so he could look into the corridor. He had been right. It didn't look better than his cabin. The water had flooded it all. No matter where he looked, it was everywhere.

But there also was a person standing in the water, completely soaked and shivering, looking at him.

Bojan?

"Jere!"

Bojan?

"Jere!" As quickly as possible with all the water in the way, the person ran towards him. "Jere!"

"Bojan!" Jere hugged his boyfriend.

It was him. It actually was him.

Bojan was here.

But how? Why? "Miks oot tääl? Miks...?" Oh, English. He had to speak English. "Why... why you here?"

"Looking for you." Bojan smiled like it was the most normal thing. Not a dangerous and life-threatening idea.

"But water!" Why was he looking for him in a flooded corridor?

"That's why I'm here."

"But vaarallinen! No safe! Why you not... not...?" He pointed up. Why was his boyfriend not on deck?!

"I was. But now I'm here to find you. Because I want you to be safe too. I can't be without you."

Jere couldn't help but smile. "Oot hullu." Totally crazy.

"We have to go." Bojan took Jere's hand.

"Yes yes, go." Yes, they definitely had to go. Now.

Running was impossible, the water had risen so high it reached his neck. Bojan let go of Jere's hand, so they could use both arms to swim.

Flooded, everything looked almost the same. It was easy to get lost in the corridors deep down in the ship. Especially, if you were in panic and freezing.

However, Bojan seemed to have a plan how to get out. Or maybe he just made it look like he had one. But Jere followed him anyway.

The way felt endless. Had those corridors always been that long? Had the ship's deck always been so far away?

Finally, they reached stairs leading upwards that weren't flooded completely. This was the way! This was the way up! This was the way to a not flooded part of the ship!

At least, not flooded yet.

They ran up the stairs and almost slipped down again. The water had made the surface really slippery. But then, they finally were in a corridor without water.

The corridor was empty. There was no one anymore. Everyone had left. It looked ghostly. And soon the water would take the place.

"Jere, come!" Bojan took Jere's hand again. "We need to get out of here!"

Jere nodded and let his boyfriend pull him along the corridor.

Now that they could run, they were way faster. But were they fast enough? Faster than the water? It still felt like they weren't getting anywhere. And the water was right behind them, chasing them.

They reached another stairway and ran up the stairs. Upwards was good. Upwards was away from the water.

Just up, up, up.

They had to keep running. Running and running. No stopping. Just running and running. Further and further. Running and running.

Just away from the water.

He didn't even have time to think about what would happen if he was seen in the second class area.

There was no time to think.

No time to worry.

Only time to run.

The water didn't care about classes, it would get them all. But if he stayed in his class, he would be the first one to die.

So, he had to run.

Run, run, run.

He had no idea how much time had passed when they finally reached the deck. It was cold, and even colder with soaked clothes.

The deck was crowded, he had never seen so many people standing on deck at the same time. There were passengers waiting and crew men taking care of the lifeboats.

No one seemed to care about Bojan and him. Everyone was busy caring about themselves, they didn't even seem to notice that he was a third class passenger.

Jere knew he would definitely not be the first one to get a place in a lifeboat. He didn't even have to try. Maybe he would never get one, those places surely were only for the good people.

"My friends are over there." Bojan pointed into a direction. "Let's go to them."

Jere nodded. He didn't care much about where he was standing while waiting. As long as he was with Bojan, everything was fine.

He remembered his boyfriend mentioning that two of his friends didn't like their relationship at all and were avoiding him because of it. It made Jere feel bad, and he was scared about seeing them soon.

How would they react?

Would they shout that Jere didn't belong here, so the crew would notice and take him away? Or would they just stare at him in hate and disgust?

The first option would be dangerous for him. Maybe even for Bojan as well. They were lucky no one had said anything yet. The second option... He was used to that, he could live with it.

Bojan pulled Jere towards his friends, and now Jere spotted the group too. Martin, Kris, and Jure. These were the ones he knew, and they had been very nice to him.

The other two men in the group had to be the friends who didn't like him and didn't want to see him.

"Bojan!" Now the friends had seen them too.

Relieved, Martin wanted to hug his friend but stopped abruptly. "Bojan, you're... you're completely soaked! Where have you been?!"

"It's flooded. There's water everywhere."

"And you thought you could..." Kris shook his head in disbelief. "I'm glad you're here. Both of you."

Jure nodded. "I'm glad you made it here."

Martin agreed. "Me too."

"Thank you." Jere smiled. These words meant a lot to him.

Bojan smiled too. "I'm happy to see you all again. To have all my favourite people in one place. Even though, the conditions could be better. It's really cold here."

It actually was cold. With their wet clothes, Jere and Bojan were freezing. Maybe, in the end, it wouldn't be the water but the cold that would...

No, he shouldn't think about that.

He should look for a solution. Something to keep them warm. Or at least, to keep Bojan warm. He had to keep his boyfriend warm.

If only his brain didn't feel like it was frozen.