Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I don’t understand,” Katie scowled, arms crossed over her chest where she was standing outside of the Rebel shuttle Matt was doing a final flight check of before he departed, “why can’t someone else go? You just got here.”

And despite the clear anger and frustration in Katie’s voice, Matt could hear the underlying current of hurt and a sliver of fear and he hated that he understood.

Matt had been on a mission for the last two weeks and he’d gotten permission from Olia to take three days off and spend it at the Castle of Lions before he returned to a Rebel base to rest up and see Katie as while he hadn’t had to engage in combat it had been hard in other ways — he would never be able to look at rocks and quarries the same way again and even just scouting out the mining operation had nearly thrust him back to his own time at one and the realization he was going to die — and he really, really needed both the break and to remind himself of who it was he’d struggled on and endured both the harsh conditions and then the pain — and he shut that thought down before it could form as he tried as hard as he could not to think back to the Druid and her torture table — and seeing Katie and Shiro — who while different (and weren’t they all?) was still the same, calming presence Matt desperately needed — was the perfect solution. 

But he’d barely been at the castle for an hour when Coran had found him where he’d been with Katie and her friends Hunk and Lance in the kitchen devouring cookies with fresh milk and said he’d been contacted by Olia and she needed Matt for a mission that could not wait. 

And, well…

Matt might be as important as a Paladin of Voltron but when the universe called he would answer. 

“Come here,” he held out his arms out and Katie held out for all of a second before she was wrapping her arms tightly about his back and he settled his over his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I know this sucks,” and Katie let out a soft snort against his shirt. “But Olia wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“I know,” Katie sighed and Matt knew she did.

It didn’t make it any easier.

“I’ll go as quick as I can,” Matt promised. “I’ll be back before you can even say that Matt Holt is the most amazing, smartest, talented, handsomest, person in the entire universe.”

“I am not saying that,” Katie looked up at him, and while she wasn’t quite smiling her expression had lightened, the pinch of fear gone and Matt considered his mission already accomplished.

“Then I guess you’ll never see me again,” Matt said dramatically, wheezing a moment later as Katie squeezed him in one of her patented koala hugs accompanied with her mutter of, “jerk.”

“I love you too,” Matt squeezed her far more gently. “And if all goes well, I should be back in time for dinner, or at least dessert. I know it’ll be super hard, but try not to miss me too much, okay?”

“Go,” Katie released him from the embrace and gave him a gentle for her shove at his ship.

“You want me to go now?” Matt raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Katie crossed her arms. “Because the sooner you leave the sooner you come back.”

“Aww,” Matt cooed and Katie stuck her tongue out at him and Matt did the same, his own exhaustion feeling a little lighter. 

It was an important mission but it wasn’t difficult. The only reason he had to be involved was his presence had specifically been requested to pick up a data chip as these aliens trusted him as he’d worked with them multiple times and they were incredibly distrusting of outsiders, even fellow Rebels or Coalition members. He’d be in, out, and was really seriously hoping to make it for a hot dinner as Hunk had said he was making lasagna and garlic bread and dear God in heaven that sounded divine. 

Matt hopped into the ship and pulled the door shut behind him and made a shooing motion at Katie to get out of the hangar so he could open the exterior door and she flipped him off.

Matt returned the gesture and Katie grinned at him before turning around and heading for the interior hallway. 

A few seconds later she was safe from being sucked into the vacuum of space and Matt was activating his thrusters to pilot the small Rebel ship out of the castle and fly as fast as he could to the next quadrant so he could return for dinner.

xxx

“I’m so sorry you had to come all this way,” Olia apologized again as Matt handed her the data chip he’d successfully picked up at their rendezvous point at a nearby moon that functioned as a bustling trading hub that was about halfway between where the Castle of Lions was and the mission location.

“It’s no problem,” Matt waved aside her apologies. “I’m just glad it went so quick. The Blacknorts can sometimes get really off tangent and it’s super rude to interrupt them when they’re in the middle of story time.”

Olia let out a bark of laughter and shook her head, ears flapping, as Matt had often regaled her and the other Rebels with some of the stories the Blacknorts shared that seriously rivaled the most dramatic of soap operas. 

“I won’t keep you,” she pocketed the data chip. “Enjoy your time with your sister.”

“I will, thanks, Olia,” Matt smiled at her. “And, um, thanks for letting me—”

“Matt,” Olia interrupted him but her tone was kind, “I’ve told you, you don’t need to thank me for that. I’m just so happy for you that you found your sister.”

“Well, technically she found me,” Matt corrected even as he could feel his expression falling because in gaining Katie…

He’d lost Te-osh. 

She’d become almost like a second mother combined with a super cool aunt to him and he didn’t mean because of when he accidentally mistook her for his actual mom. 

He missed her.

She had survived so much, done so much…

His mind flashed to a war-torn work camp and the crumpled body that he’d still never been able to fully identify if it had been Mali and that haunted him to this day, and he gave a sharp shake of his head.

No.

Don’t think about that.

“Matt,” Olia placed a gentle paw on his arm and her eyes were sad. “I’m worried about you.”

Matt mustered up a smile, banishing the memories as he did every time.

There was no place for them here anymore. It was done, it was over, and he had to look forward and do all he could to bring this war to an end so no one had to suffer that way ever again.

“I’m fine,” and the words sounded as hollow to him as they no doubt did to Olia and her brow furrowed at him beneath her helmet. “It was a long mission,” he admitted and Olia’s eyes softened even more. 

“Go,” she gave him a gentle nudge, far kinder than Katie’s, “be with your sister and your friends. Take a movement — and no, no protests,” she said as Matt’s mouth opened to do just that as it was supposed to be just three days, not a week. “I’ll see you in such at the Valon base.”

And it only told Matt how really exhausted he was that he didn’t have any energy to argue the extended vacation. 

“See you then,” his smile felt real that time and Olia’s lips curved into the same and with a nod she turned and headed for her ship.

Matt though turned towards the trading hub. 

It’s not that he didn’t want to get right back to the Katie, but he’d literally just been sitting in a ship for almost three hours straight, then sitting in the Blacknorts’ meeting room for almost an hour and now another hour flying to the trading hub and he still had almost two hours back to the castle and his legs and back ached just thinking of sitting for any longer.

A walk around the marketplace would do just the trick and if he was lucky maybe he’d even spot something to pick up to bring to dinner; he knew most of the members of Voltron were underage and him, promote underage drinking? Perish the thought, so he’d avoid anything alcoholic but there had to be some sort of alien sparkling wine that would go well with dinner. 

And, honestly, seeing people — aliens or otherwise — doing something as mundane as shopping and haggling and chatting was soothing. It was a reminder that not everywhere was at war, that it didn’t have to consume his every waking thought. 

Matt let out a soft snort.

That was far easier said than done. 

Ever since the Rebels had rescued him and he’d recovered from the torture, his entire life had been taken over between running communications for the Rebels and searching for Dad and trying to find information on how to get inside the Arena so he could rescue Shiro, praying all the while that his best friend had somehow survived being the Champion.

And then, not even three months ago, Katie had come crashing into his life and everything had changed.

He still sometimes thought he was dreaming. 

But he was awake and he knew that because unlike in his dreams, everything wasn’t perfect. Shiro had been changed by the Arena, by his horrific role of playing Champion, and Matt had respected his wishes when Shiro had said, voice quiet and pain furrowing his brow, that he didn’t want to talk about it.

Matt didn’t blame him one bit and he’d be a hypocrite as he had no desire to relieve his own time at the Arena, at the quarry or with the Druid who had wanted to bend his mind to her will. 

But Shiro was still Shiro; hardened on the edges, shoulders bearing more weight than ever before, a dark shadow sometimes on his face, but still kind, still caring, and still Matt’s best friend. He honestly couldn’t have asked for anything more.

Katie had changed too. She was more confident, sassier, and had somehow grown even more into a genius since he’d last seen her. But he could also see the fear in her eyes that had never been there before, the way she clung just a little tighter, a little harder, as though she was afraid he would disappear if she didn’t hold on. And what hurt the most was he could see that Katie had lost some of her innocence. Not naivety; Katie had never been such. But as much as he knew Shiro, as her two friends Lance and Hunk, would have no doubt tried to shield her… she was in a war. She had run away from home. She had killed. And she had suffered too. 

And then Dad…

They’d found Dad. 

And… and just like Katie and Shiro, Matt had done nothing.

It still left a sour taste in his mouth, a bitter pill of failure he wasn’t all that familiar with, but he’d chosen to focus on being grateful that no matter how it had happened (cough, the super sketchy prince-turned-emperor Lotor) it had and Dad was safe and his family was reunited. 

Well, except for Mom. He and Katie had both said they could not go home to Earth, not yet, but Dad hadn’t taken much convincing to go. He was in preparation to do so and should be finishing up the project he was working on with the Olkari within the next week or so that would be used to help prepare Earth in the event they became targets as like it or not, even with all the advancements of the Galaxy Garrison they were severely outgunned. He was supposed to come over to the castle before Matt left — and he had an extended timetable now — to say goodbye before he began the journey home.

It wasn’t over yet, Matt knew, not by a long shot even if his original mission — find Shiro and Dad — had been accomplished. But all of them… they’d proven they were survivors. They’d proven that no matter what the Galra Empire threw at them — be it a heartless Arena, a death work camp, a torture chamber, insane Druids or a lab turned prison — that they would come out on the other side. 

He had to focus on that. 

And right now he had to watch where he was going.

Matt let out a “whoa” and threw his arms out as he came upon a slow moving group of blob-like aliens that were definitely not moving at pace with the rest of the crowd, stumbling sideways into a small offshoot alley between two of the storefronts to avoid crashing into them as based on the fact he could see things inside of them — a purse, several shoes, and what looked like a cane — they clearly had some sort of suction ability and he didn’t relish losing a boot.

He straightened up with a chuckle and a rueful shake of his head as Katie would get a kick out of that story if he came back with one bare foot. Maybe, in the name of science, he should actually try to—

A noise sounded behind him in the alley and Matt whirled around, hands already going to his staff across his back as even on a trading hub like this one could never be too careful about mugge —

Something cold and sharp stabbed into his neck.

Not, Matt faintly realized as his vision blurred, eyes rolling in the back of his head, muggers.

He was unconscious before he hit the ground.

Chapter Text

Matt awoke to a pounding head and a horribly dry, cottony feeling in his mouth.

He went to lick his lips and to swallow to try to relieve the sensation just a bit…

And his mouth didn’t open, some sort of adhesive square that he could feel pulling on his lips and skin keeping it sealed.

Matt’s eyes did though even though he squeezed them shut a moment later with a muffled groan as bright white lights tried to sear his eyeballs even as his heart began to roar in his ears because the last thing he remembered…

Was a cold prick and the sensation of falling and then…

Then…

His body was heavy and unresponsive and it was proven even more so as Matt went to sit up and found that he couldn’t, the sensation of a tight band across his chest and around his wrists and cold metal beneath him and—

His breath hitched at the sudden realization.

He was strapped down on a table.

An exam table. 

Just, just like…

Matt’s eyes flew open again, watering at the light — which was decidedly not purple and that had to be a good thing, it had to be — but he squinted past it, looking for something, anything, to tell him that he wasn’t in a nightmare turned reality.

But…

Apparently he was.

The room was definitely not Galran as far as he could make out — the lack of purple and their insignia they put up everywhere the most telling — and unlike the Druid’s room it didn’t seem to be a torture chamber.

But it did appear to be a laboratory.

And it did not take a genius to realize if this was some sort of lab and Matt was restrained on the table then he was the specimen.

It made a shiver roll down his spine even more than the coolness of the room as to what exactly that meant, although he could feel his cheeks heating in contrast to the rest of him as he craned head up as far as it could go against the strap over his neck and confirmed that yes, he was indeed butt naked and restrained on this exam table.

It wasn’t the first time it had admittedly happened since he’d been captured by the Galra, but somehow… this time it felt different. The Galra had wanted to examine him to categorize him for their initial inventory and then back on Vizion he’d undergone an exam before they punted him to the quarry, and of course there were the memories of the shower container back in the Arena, but…

But Matt had known what those were. He’d known they were temporary states and he’d also, after the initial fear of the first exam when they’d been captured, he’d known he not going to be dissected like the worst sort of plot for an alien movie.

This?

This place screamed dissection. 

Matt gave a futile tug on his wrists, which were secured to two metal sort of arms coming off of the table, and his feet fared the same where restraints were banded at each ankle where his feet were secured to the edges of the table. His lips moved soundlessly behind the adhesive gag and Matt knew from experience it was going to hurt like a bitch when it came off.

If it came off.

The shiver returned full force and Matt tried very hard not to panic.

He knew, logically, not being able to speak wasn’t the worst thing. Sometimes it even kept him out of trouble as his mouth tended to move faster than his brain. But then it meant all of those words and thoughts were stuck inside his head with no outlet and while brains couldn’t actually explode it sometimes felt like his might. 

He thought it literally was going to under the Druid’s loving attentions and was…

Was that what was going on here? 

Was there some other alien — another Druid? — who wanted a crack at his brain? 

No, Matt gave a small shake of his head against the table. That couldn’t be it.

He wasn’t even supposed to be at that trading hub and he technically shouldn’t have even gone into the market so if someone had been trying to lie in wait for him they’d never have picked him off there. 

The entire attack had felt random because it was random.

Or, so, Matt both hoped was true and wasn’t. Because if it was true then it meant this wasn’t some revenge plot of the Druids, the fear Gavon and Te-osh — his heart twinged and he shoved past the memory — had that someone could be looking for him and why they’d made him lie low in their super secluded and very lonely outpost, and he didn’t have to worry about someone trying to literally change his mind.

But on the other hand, if it was random, it meant he’d royally walked in on the  whole wrong place wrong time bit and who had he pissed off so much up there that after everything he’d gone through he still had a target on his back? 

However, if these aliens had thought they were going to get some compliant, helpless alien to dissect for their sick projects they were dead wrong. He was a goddamn Holt and Holts were fighters.

Matt gave another, more violent yank, on his right hand and all the action accomplished was jamming it against the restraint and yeah, he should have guessed that. His strengths were definitely more of the mental variety and not physical.

He winced as soon as he thought it.

It’s not that it wasn’t true but…

God, why did everything he think right now seem to relate in some way back to his time as a Galran slave? The talk with the two soldiers which had drawn the interest of the Druid which had led to so much pain as his blood had boiled and burning hands had landed on his head and—

Matt heaved on a gasp around the gag, chest rising enough he could see it even from his angle.

Calm down.

Calm the fuck down.

Easier said than done as he couldn’t even draw a full breath with the gag, but Matt did his best, closing his eyes and trying to convince his body that it wasn’t in any danger (yet) and he needed to remain calm if he there was any chance of getting out of here.

He was in the middle of his tenth cycle of limited breathing when the unmistakable sound of a door opening had his his eyes flying open and head rolling to the left to where two aliens — not Galrans, some sort of brownish colored with six eyes and pincers (but with multiple pincers on each one? Fingers?) for hands  — were entering.

And most notably…

They were aliens in lab coats. 

Dissection was most definitely on the table as much as he was.

But just like with the Galra fear would do him no favors here so Matt mustered up his best glare, hands curling into fists against the table arms and stared them down.

They didn’t even spare him a glance as they moved to a computer across the room.

Matt wasn’t sure whether he should be offended or grateful and chose a sort of simmering middleground and took the moment to observe his captors.

He didn’t recognize their species at all, which did officially confirm the lack of Galran environment. Their voices were sort of low, raspy hisses as they conferred, and while not really audible Matt did catch at one point the words ‘heart’ and ‘blood’ so they were at least speaking a language he understood.

He wasn’t too fond of the word choice though because those sounded 100% like dissection words. 

He watched as one of them reached out to the screen and clicked and in tandem he felt a sort of buzz on his chest — not painful but surprising — and Matt jerked against the restraints.

The aliens continued talking as though nothing had happened so Matt lifted his head up once more.

This time, now that he was looking, he could see there was some sort of circular clear patch resting on the left side of his chest, directly above his heart.

Some type of pulse monitoring device? He supposed that made a little bit of sense given the conversation snippets and hey, at least they were going to determine what his resting heart rate was because that was so very useful when they were pulling out his innards.

And okay, maybe he needed to stop thinking that as he felt his heart pick up pace again.

Calm.

Think of calm things.

Puppies and rainbows and birdsong and the scent of the desert after it rained and the aliens were coming over.

Matt schooled his face back into a glare as this time one of them made eye contact with him.

“You are different,” the alien told him in the same raspy voice. “I do not sense fear in you.” His lips pulled back into an unkind smile. “Yet.”

Matt tried to glare harder.

He’d survived a Druid rooting around in his head, he’d survived the Arena.

Whatever this was…

He would would survive it too.

This time people would be looking for him. He didn’t know how long it had been since he’d been knocked out, but once he didn’t show up at the Castle of Lions by a decent hour they would realize something was wrong. Katie and Voltron would contact Olia and they’d track him back to the hub and…

And find his empty ship and no sign of him. But if there was anyone in the universe who could find him with a bread crumb as slim as that, it was Katie. 

He had to believe in her.

And that she got to him before he lost any vital organs.

“Begin audio data log,” the alien said, pulling Matt back, and his partner tapped a small floating black box and a blue light appeared.

“Entry number one for specimen one-two-seven-six-six.”

Matt fought not to react at not just fact he was, once more, a goddamn number, but that was a significantly large number and assuming these aliens were going in sequential order…

What the fuck had he just walked into?

“Specimen is a bipedal male possessing quantity of two limbs for both arms and legs and appendages numbering five in total upon each appendage.”

Matt desperately tried not to imagine that number changing in any way.

“Specimen is male,” Matt glared harder and told himself not to react any further than that as just like before, they wanted to see Matt Holt’s full glory then they got to see his full glory, “and body is fully covered in flesh-like substance. Light hair on majority of body with excessive amounts upon its head and larger quantities beneath its arms and genital area. Hard, possibly bone, casing is on the tops of each appendage; purpose yet unknown.”

Matt did not like the sound of that.

“Specimen’s resting heart rhythm is seventy-eight dorblangs a dobash,” the alien continued. “Breathing orifices seem to be its nose and mouth; mouth has been sealed for initial tests and heart rhythm has increased to…” he glanced over at the datapad his partner was holding, “eighty-six dorblangs since regaining consciousness. Seal can be removed as needed to increase breathing capacity.

“Subject regained consciousness six varga and fourteen dobashes following injection of sedative number twenty-four and blood test reveals no trace amounts of sedative or any other foreign substance.”

Matt started.

They’d already taken his blood?

“Subject is now ready for testing and observation.”

Matt’s eyes widened.

Testing?

Blood?

His ran cold.

This…

This wasn’t a dissection.

This was drug testing.

And drug testing in this capacity…

It was biological warfare.

God.

God. 

His stomach clenched as the alien turned to a small tray hovering behind him and held aloft a vial full of glowing yellow liquid and a syringe.

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

The last time he’d had foreign substances injected into him…

He’d almost died.

He tried not to remember — and he couldn’t entirely, which was almost scarier — as he’d been so hazy, so adrift, as he hallucinated from the withdrawal of the fire drug the Druid had used, fevered and sick and if Te-osh and Gavon hadn’t cared for him as they had he had no doubt in his mind he would be dead, and that didn’t even account for the agony he’d been in each time the syringe had been depressed into his arm or neck. 

And now…

“Injecting one moviol of vial forty-six BAR,” the alien said, inserting the vial into the syringe and bringing it down, cold needle pressing against Matt’s arm and he went absolutely nowhere as his body instinctively tried to pull back, “into specimen’s right arm appendage at fifteen thirty-five hours.”

That was all the warning Matt had as he felt the needle pierce his skin and then the barest hiss as it emptied into his bloodstream.

“And now,” the alien’s lips curved up into a dark smile, “we begin the observation.”

Chapter Text

Matt’s teeth seemed to be chattering inside his skull, sending the ache there pounding anew, and his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides as spasms of what felt like liquid ice rocketed through his body, sending his skin prickling and hair standing on end.

His body still wasn’t as cold as the alien’s stares as he stood at Matt’s side, silent as a statue, taking notes.

Matt was trying to take notes too so when the time came he could tell someone exactly what he’d been given and what it had done. This drug had started as a sort of tingle in his right arm that had morphed to a shiver of pins and needles that traversed through his whole body and now here he was, feeling like he was going to shiver out of his body.

It had barely been fifteen minutes.

Matt’s jaw was clenched tight, practically feeling the veins in his neck bulging as his body jerked and shivered on the table.

It was becoming more painful by the moment.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears trying to sneak out and at least their gag was good for something as it was swallowing most of the whimpers of pain he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Specimen’s body is displaying outward symptoms of cold reaction,” the alien notated into his audio recording, his voice popping in and out  without any warning. “Similar reaction of raised hair to specimen number one-two-six-four-four.”

Matt continued to shiver.

The minutes ticked by.

He faintly wondered if his tears were going to freeze into little ice cubes as he could feel them starting to trickle down his cheeks despite his best attempts to keep them in.

And, he realized, it wasn’t just tears.

His entire body was starting to coat itself in a sheen of sweat as though he’d been working out, but it was cool and reminded him of when he didn’t put on a jacket or get in a hot shower soon enough.

It felt awful. 

But it was starting to fade within a few minutes and Matt tentatively peeked his eyes open, feeling his hair plastered to his forehead but while damp it was no longer freezing, his body untensing..

He immediately recoiled as the alien was literally inches from his face, all six of its glittering black eyes focused entirely on him.

“Increase dosage to two moviols,” he murmured, “and repeat.”

And Matt could do nothing as the syringe of liquid ice plunged back into his arm.

xxx

Matt let out a muffled moan, head rocking back and forth on the table and no relief to be found.

These aliens…

They didn’t stop.

It was making Matt realize why exactly they had such a high test subject count as they got what they wanted out of them and then got rid of them.

It did not bode well for him.

More frozen tears squeezed out of his eyes from his fourth dose of their drug, increasing in dosage each time with the only pause being when they’d inserted an IV into the back of his right hand and by his best guess it was connected to some type of water fluid rather than another drug.

Even insane psychopath scientists like them knew it was a bad idea to mix drugs and the importance of hydration.

Well, for now.

And as Matt felt the syringe depressing into his arm for the fifth time — along this time with a hot trickle of blood that did nothing to warm him — he wondered how long they planned to do this.

He wondered how long he could hold on.

And even though it was foolish…

He wondered if his little joke to Katie…

“Then I guess you’ll never see me again,” he’d teased, the memory playing over and over and over.

…had sealed his own fate.

xxx

The cold was gone.

It was replaced with fire.

And Matt longed for the chills.

The fire…

God.

It felt like…

Like…

His throat was full of flames, screamed raw behind the gag as he thrashed on the table as his his blood boiled and exploded and while these aliens did not touch him he swore he could feel a hand upon his head and a pair of lips whispering hellfire against his ear.

Make it stop. 

It wasn’t real. 

She wasn't here.

She was dead.

He’d won.

She’d lost.

And yet…

“I see your pain,” the murmur echoed over and over and over in his head that he knew wasn’t real, he knew was just a memory, but he could hear her,  “and I can stop it. But first…” and her smile was cruel, her yellow eyes soulless, “I want to hear you scream.” 

And God help him…

Matt screamed.

xxx

The flames were growing.

Building and building and building and they hurt.

Everything hurt.

They’d removed the gag — the taste of blood fresh on his lips, chapped and raw — but it hadn’t mattered as he’d already long lost his voice to screaming.

There was no end.

Just pain.

Pain pain pain.

Matt arched off the table as a violent wave of flames seemed to roll through him, spewing out of his mouth, his eyes, lava on his cheeks.

He writhed back and forth as though that would put out the fire seemingly alight on his skin.

The metal table was on fire too.

Matt screamed again, tasting blood.

“—specimen displaying full body contortions following—”

The voice was lost in the sea of flames and Matt went adrift with them.

xxx

Holts didn’t beg. They didn’t give up.

But…

But God.

This wasn’t…

This wasn’t something he could fight.

This wasn’t a battle of wits.

It was just torture.

And it had no end.

No end until he died.

Matt whimpered as another wave of retreating fire scalded over his skin as the last dosage of this drug seemed to be running its course, but it would be replaced soon enough.

No end.

Just pain.

And somehow, against whatever odds these aliens had…

He had to keep holding on.

For Katie.

For Dad.

They’d find him.

They would.

A fiery tear caressed his cheek as surely as the phantom hand that accompanied every touch of heat and Matt choked on the sob, giving a shake of his head as though that could dispel her memory that had been burned into him.

It didn’t.

And Matt didn’t know how to make her go away.

He was starting to fear that somehow… she never had.

xxx

The fire was gone.

The cold was gone.

And replacing it was something far worse.

She was here.

It was impossible.

But even as Matt blinked and blinked again she remained at his side, thin lips pulled into a cruel smile and yellow eyes staring down at him.

He flinched as her hand landed on his cheek and she chuckled.

“What do you see?” she murmured.

Matt gave a silent shake of his head.

No.

This wasn’t real.

She was dead. 

He’d seen her die.

She couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Foolish,” she smirked at him. “I can never die. You see,” she leaned forward, lips brushing his ear, “I live in your mind. Because,” her voice lowered. “It belongs to me.”

Matt jerked away, pulse thumping in his ears.

No.

Impossible.

He’d, he’d fought her.

He hadn’t let her in.

His mind was his own.

“No,” he whispered, the word barely audible.

This wasn’t real.

This couldn’t be real.

“You thought you won?” her hand came up to cup his face. “You thought you got away?” she let out a laugh. “I never left. And you,” her lips descended upon his forehead with a hellfire kiss, “are mine.”

And with a blur of purple and black light and a flash of yellow eyes, the Druid vanished…

And was replaced with six gleaming black eyes and a smirk as equally amused.

“Interesting,” he murmured, voice the same rasp and a hand — pincer? hand? — brushed against Matt’s cheek. “Administer another moviol of vial sixty-seven MIR  and vial forty-six BAR. I want to see if we can create the same reaction.”

Matt stared at him, heart racing.

Had…

Had he been here the entire time?

Where was…?

Had she ever…?

Was, was it the drugs or…?

Or had she really…?

Something sharp plunged into his arm.

And Matt was lost to a world of fire and ice and searing yellow eyes.

xxx

She was here.

She wasn’t here.

The Galrans were here.

They weren’t.

His fingernails were intact.

They weren’t.

Blood ran down his front, his back, his legs and arms.

Sweat and tears ran down too.

Nothing ran.

His hands clenched and unclenched.

They were broken.

They weren’t.

Matt whimpered as hands and claws and pincers all prodded at him, pinched him, scratched and cut and they were all here.

They couldn’t be.

They were.

They were they were they were.

And they all…

Claws sank into his thigh.

Fire boiled his blood.

Pincers twisted his fingers backwards.

They all wanted to hurt him.

And they were all…

All going to kill him.

And Matt…

He hadn’t said goodbye.

And now…

Now he never would.

Chapter Text

“Matt Holt is…” Pidge’s voice cracked. “Matt H-Holt is the, the most amazing, sm-smartest…” she trailed off with a sob.

What was next?

What did she have to say next?

“I am not saying that,” she’d said as Matt had rattled off compliments about himself, eyes rolling even as a smile had tugged at her face.

“Then I guess you’ll never see me again,” Matt had proclaimed with true Holt dramatics.

Pidge choked back the sob, pressing her palms against her eyes, and wondered if that was going to be true.

No crying.

It wouldn’t help find Matt.

It wouldn’t bring her brother back.

If, if she could just remember what he’d said though…

Maybe it could…

She could hear Matt’s teasing voice, his smile.

The way he’d wheezed as she’d squeezed him before his arms had given her a gentle, tender version of the same.

She’d shoved him away, told him to go, and…

And he hadn’t come back.

Dinner had come and gone with no sign and Pidge told herself not to worry, Matt could take care of himself, it was a simple mission.

He’d be back soon.

But then it was nearing bed and he still wasn’t back and she had contacted the Rebels and…

And Olia’s stricken face when Pidge had asked for an update on Matt’s mission had said everything.

Something had gone wrong.

Something had gone terribly wrong.

Allura had opened a wormhole and deposited the entirety of the Castle of Lions outside the trading moon Matt and Olia had met on…

And his ship was still there.

But Matt wasn’t. 

There was no sign of him anywhere.

It was like he’d vanished.

Vanished without a trace.

Until Lance had found Matt’s staff dropped in a back alley.

Pidge had taken it with trembling hands, heart in her throat.

And that was it.

An abandoned staff in an alley that no one recalled seeing her brother go into.

He was gone.

Just like that.

They would find him, Shiro said, his hand a comforting weight on her shoulder, but Shiro hadn’t said he promised.

He couldn’t because Shiro didn’t break promises.

And the odds of finding Matt right now…

Zero.

They were zero.

Pidge had still tried. She’d rigged a DNA scanner using her own sample to scour the moon, but the only signal it picked up was Matt’s ship. She’d hacked into the cameras the marketplace had, every single one of them from storefronts to doorbells on apartments above the shops,  but they hadn’t shown a glimpse of Matt. She piggybacked a satellite outside the planet, scanned it for coming and going ship traffic but there were thousands of ships in just the few hours between when Olia had seen him and now that had departed and it was finding a needle in a haystack when she didn’t even know what the needle looked like.

She didn’t even know why he’d been targeted.

Was it Galrans?

Enemies of the Rebels?

Slave trade? 

All she knew was Matt was gone.

He was gone and technology had failed her and the only thing she had left was some stupid joke that had to bring him back to her.

It had to.

Please.

She couldn’t have lost him again. The world could not be so cruel as to rip her family apart again. 

“Matt, please,” she whispered, clutching his staff. 

Come back.

Please don’t leave her again.

“Come home.”

xxx

“It is all right,” the voice crooned, sickly and sweet. 

No, Matt thought.

He whispered it aloud.

No it wasn’t.

“It is,” she murmured and that time her words were accompanied by a burst of fire and Matt let out a ragged scream, head slamming back against the table.

No.

No no no no no. 

She couldn’t be here.

She was.

“Yes,” she whispered and there was a prick on his arm as her nails dug in. “You are mine. You,” another prick and he could feel blood dripping down his arm, “always have been.”

The world exploded with fire and he exploded with it.

xxx

“Another one.”

Talika’s voice was dripping with disgust but Keith knew it wasn’t at the body they’d pulled into their shuttle she had cradled in her arms, the fifth one now after nearly two days of tracking, that even covered in the exposure of space had clear needle marks all up and down her arms.

It made Keith sick too.

These people…

They had been murdered.

Not, Keith didn’t think, from being thrown out of an airlock either. Every single body they’d found floating had been bare and all bore needle marks — whether in the neck or arms — and bruising around wrists and ankles and thick straps across various portions of their bodies.

They’d been restrained, shot up with whatever the fuck had been in those needles, and then when they’d likely died…

They’d been dumped into space.

And they were probably not ever meant to be found.

Talika — one of the few Blade members Keith actually found he liked as she was one of the few who hadn’t scoffed at his mixed heritage and had a compassion he didn’t see much these days and hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that element of humanity in missions — had been the one to suggest such as each body they’d found that had hair or fur had fair amounts of sangron in it, which was meant to burn. These bodies had been prepped for incineration and somehow, likely between where they’d come from and where they were going, there had been a malfunction with the ship and several bodies had been expelled into space where Keith and Talika, on a supply run that had now turned into a mission, had found one floating.

They’d radioed into Kolivan and he’d instructed them to see if there was any type of trail to see if they could figure out where the ship was either going to or coming from. 

They’d wasted nearly a day as they tried to determine a heading from the first body they’d found and even now they weren’t sure as to what direction they were headed in relation to the destination or originating base.

All Keith knew was these people had not deserved to suffer a fate like this and when he found the ones responsible…

He was going to burn their base to the ground.

Kolivan had already given him permission as he’d relayed his fear that had made Keith’s blood run cold.

Every alien was a different species they’d found. Every alien had the same punctures and restraints.

They had very likely been medical test subjects, Kolivan had said, voice dark. And given the scope of the subjects (and not yet a single Galran)…

This could be leading to biological warfare. 

Find them, Kolivan had ordered. And shut them down.

Talika — nearly double Keith’s height and width — set the newest body down with far more gentleness than her size indicated on the floor of the cargo shuttle and Keith shook out a tarp to lay over her in what little respect they could offer.

It wasn’t enough though.

The only way to give these people peace was to stop the assholes who had done this.

And with that he stiffly made his way back to the cockpit to slide into the pilot’s chair, eyes darting to the sonar they’d set up to try to help them locate the bodies as unlike on a planet there were no roads in space and the ship could have made a turn anywhere and with the bodies spaced as far apart as they were it was difficult. 

They didn’t even know how many more bodies they would find.

Maybe none.

Maybe one hundred.

Keith was just about to fire the thrusters up on the ship when the console lit up with an incoming call from Kolivan.

He leaned forward and accepted it, Kolivan’s always serious face put up on the screen between the chairs, but this time…

This time he somehow looked even more so and while Kolivan was far from heartless Keith didn’t think this was about their current mission.

“I received a transmission from the Coalition,” he said, getting straight to the point and something Keith had always appreciated. “They are reporting that a member of the Rebels, a Matthew Holt,” his eyes flicked to Keith, something unreadable on his face “has been abducted.” 

Keith’s heart skipped a beat.

What?

Matt?

He’d known Matt since Shiro had brought him to live at the Garrison and while he wasn’t as close to him as he was Shiro, he was a good friend. 

Another older brother, even if his maturity ranked years below Keith’s. 

He’d been so relieved and happy when Pidge had called him to tell him she’d found Matt, and he had absolutely not teared up when Matt had butted into the small screen with the biggest grin and informed Keith he was going to need a hug stat.

And then Matt had been there when Keith had… well, he tried not to think about what desperation had nearly led him to do at Naxzela, but Matt had cornered him after and it had been one of the few times Keith could recall Matt looking that scared.

“Never,” Matt had whispered, squeezing Keith tight and saying nothing as Keith’s tears had soaked into Matt’s shirt as reality started to kick in, “do that again.”

He’d asked if Keith wanted to talk about it and Keith had shaken his head and Matt hadn’t pushed and Keith had been more grateful for that silent show of support than he could say. He had accepted the hug though and Matt had held him until his sobs and shudders had come to a halt.

And now Matt was missing?

“Even given your known relationship with this Rebel,” Kolivan continued, “I would not normally alert you to this while you are on an active mission,” and Keith fought not to bristle because like hell, “however,” and Kolivan’s lips thinned, “I believe it may be related.” 

Keith’s heart full on stopped.

What?

Matt, Matt was…?

“He was abducted between the hours of fourteen hundred and twenty-two hundred at from the Stellona trading hub,” Kolivan said. “Which is—”

“In our quadrant,” Keith interrupted, not even caring at how rude it was as his hands trembled on the controls. 

Granted, it was a pretty big quadrant and could easily be a coincidence, but…

But instinct told Keith they were connected.

And clearly it told Kolivan the same.

It would make sick sense too. The aliens were all different and at a trading hub the size of Stellona people wouldn’t be noticed if they went missing. It could be the perfect hunting ground for whoever these aliens were that were performing medical experiments on others. 

“I am issuing new orders,” Kolivan said, ignoring Keith’s interruption with practiced ease. “Talika, you will take control of the supply shuttle and head, as originally planned, to Stellona. Maintain surveillance of the area until reinforcements arrive. We don’t know the schedule or who we are looking for, but use your best judgment and if anyone or anything looks suspicious, flag it.”

“Sir,” Talika nodded.

“Keith, take the fighter jet in the cargo hold,” Kolivan continued and Keith hadn’t been aware he had been holding his breath until that order came down as if he’d been told to do surveillance, to stand by and do nothing when Matt could be being experimented on and tortured right now… 

He couldn't do it.

He’d disobeyed orders before and he’d have done so again.

Kolivan had apparently just decided to cut out that entire part and Keith was silently grateful. “You will continue tracking the body trail,” Kolivan said. “Tag their locations for retrieval, but do not stop. Find that base, infiltrate, and get Matthew Holt out. Avoid engagement at all costs. We are prioritizing,” his eyes softened ever so, “the man over the mission.”

“Thank you,” Keith breathed, so much said in those few words.

“Go,” Kolivan ordered. “Contact me once you have located the base.”

The screen went dark.

Keith was bolting out of his seat a moment later, heart beginning to roar in his ears and hands sweating under his gloves.

“Good luck,” Talika said, meeting his eyes through the slits in her mask.

“You too,” Keith nodded, even though he knew Matt’s only real chance was that Keith found him first as by the time these aliens returned to collect another alien (or even aliens)…

It was highly likely Matt was already dead.

And that was not going to happen.

Keith would not allow it.

“I’m coming, Matt,” he muttered as he boarded the sleek fighter jet kept in Blade cargo ships for emergencies like these. “Hold on.”

Hold on.

Chapter Text

In the next two hours Keith found three more bodies.

He did not find a base.

And given that it had been over forty minutes since he’d encountered another body, he was starting to fear the trail had gone cold. Or, even worse, he’d ended up on the wrong end of it and he’d been moving away from the base instead of towards it.

He needed to stop, think, and focus.

He was missing something and if he didn’t figure it out then Matt…

Keith shoved the thought away.

He had a total of eight bodies between these three and the five he and Talika had pulled in. He knew now the starting point for pickup was very likely the trading hub and if he were conducting illegal experiments he’d want his operation as far away from the source as possible to avoid linking back. That so far made sense as the trail, no matter what direction it ran, was far removed from the trading hub and most likely wouldn’t have even noticed floating bodies due to the debris fields throughout the entire quadrant.

He’d hide an illegal base in a debris field to reduce the risk of someone finding it. And that led to the idea that if the transport ship had been dinged by a piece of debris why it had suffered a malfunction that had allowed bodies to slip out.

So, a large, heavy pocket of a debris field was where he needed to focus. Except there were numerous places that could be and Keith didn’t have that kind of time to check and, to be frank, he didn’t know if many pilots would be able to navigate that kind of terrain either to assist.

Narrow it down.

Eight bodies. All different species. Spaced out approximately 25 miles from each other indicating they were still likely secured in some way and were slowly falling out of the ship rather than a pile up. 

And…

Keith’s eyes widened.

All had had space exposure, but some of them…

Some of them had been worse.

Those ones had been lost first, which meant those ones were closer to the base.

And, Keith cursed, he was going in the wrong direction. These last three bodies hadn’t been as damaged as the first few they’d encountered.

He spun his ship around with another curse even as he pulled up the coordinates of the original bodies he and Talika had found and superimposed it on a map of the debris fields.

And…

His eyes narrowed in at a spot.

There.

That was it.

He could feel it. 

The base was there.

Matt was there.

And Keith was coming.

xxx

“It is your fault.”

The words echoed in his head, outside.

“It is your fault,” they said again. “He’s dead because of you. Because you were a coward.”

No.

No.

“It’s true,” a different voice sounded then, cruel and cold and achingly familiar. “You killed me.”

“No,” Matt sobbed, shaking his head.

That wasn’t true.

Shiro wasn’t dead.

He wasn’t.

“You killed me,” Shiro repeated. “And you replaced me with…”

Shiro’s eyes flashed yellow, his face twisting with rage and hate.

“Champion,” he sneered. 

Matt recoiled.

No.

No no no.

“You killed me too,” another voice, younger and feminine sounded.

Matt’s breath hitched as he turned his head.

No.

No, he hadn’t.

“You killed me, Matt,” Mali whispered, her body as broken as her voice and not because of the mines. “You brought death upon me. You gave me hope… and you took it away.”

“And now you must pay,” the Druid said, yellow eyes narrowed and lips curled into a smirk.

“We will hurt you,” she and the Galrans and Shiro and Mali all sounded, voices overlapping, echoing, promises of pain and fire and shame that burned even hotter because it was his fault.

He’d killed Shiro.

He’d killed Mali.

And Matt screamed. 

xxx

Keith found it.

It took almost two hours of flying and navigating the increasingly thick debris cloud — in which he’d found two more bodies — one barely recognizable as such with the thick coating of ice that had formed and looked almost like a piece of debris — and also a piece of paneling that no doubt belonged to the transport ship — that Matt did not have as it had been almost twelve hours minimum since Matt had gone missing, and,well…

Keith shoved that thought away too.

Matt was alive.

And, and whatever had been done to him…

It wouldn’t be too late.

It couldn’t be too late. 

Keith paused to send a worded transmission to Kolivan of his coordinates and fired off a quick text to Pidge as he had no idea what Kolivan was sharing with Voltron but he wasn’t going to keep her in the dark, even if he didn’t have much to say. But he knew how powerful hope could be and giving her even a sliver…

It could make all the difference.

The Blades ships didn’t have cloaking to the same degree Pidge had designed for the Lions, but Keith felt fairly confident he’d hidden it well in the debris field and all Blade ships came equipped with spare masks that were impervious to space and Keith grabbed two just in case and shoved them into his pockets.

And without even a second thought he launched himself into open space through the ship’s hatch.

With the aid of both his thrusters and the bits of debris Keith easily made it to the base, clinging to the exterior as there was no anti-gravity field on the outside of this building. Fortunately though that seemed to be the biggest security measure as one of the lock decoding programs Pidge had made and Keith kept stored in his suit gained him access to the hangar and he slipped in without triggering any alarms.

Keith remained on high alert as he crossed through the hangar — empty save for two larger transport ships and three smaller shuttles — and into the interior of the base. At first glance it didn’t appear to be Galran in origin; no purple lighting, no insignias of either the Empire or some of the current warring factions since Lotor had assumed the throne, although Keith couldn’t rule out Druids as their intel showed they had been loyal only to Haggar and without her in a position of power they had scattered throughout the universe.

Interestingly though the layout wasn’t as clean cut as Keith had imagined a potential medical laboratory to be as other than the hangar door and hangar itself, the hallways were less manmade and instead seemed to have carved into the very moon itself; rough hewn rock and winding passages lit only with a few small lights at intersections.

It honestly reminded him a bit of a hive.

Keith shuddered at that as while he didn’t have Pidge’s aversion to bugs he definitely didn’t like them either. 

He kept going.

The air was cool here but breathable although Keith left his mask fully on as he was running schematics for heat signatures for whatever warning it could give him of visitors and, also more hopefully, help him locate Matt. Matt, at the very least, should register on the scans.

But nothing was.

There were no thermal signatures Keith could detect as he made his way deeper and deeper down the tunnel with absolutely zero idea of where he was going and knowing the only way he was finding his way out was from the small tracking beads he was dropping on the ground at every intersection that he’d activate when he needed to go.

What was this place?

Who were these aliens?

He finally encountered a door after nearly twenty minutes of walking — involving several instances of criss-crossing that led to silent cursing as Keith had zero idea of which trail he actually needed to follow now and it was going to fuck up his retreat later — and while he doubted he’d be lucky enough to find Matt here — especially with no heat signatures registering — at least it was finally something.

As he opened it though — the same unlocking program working here — he wished he hadn’t.

He’d…

He’d found more bodies.

Aliens upon aliens were stacked atop each other on pallets.

Like, like they were cargo.

Things.

The air was frigid and that of a freezer, no doubt to keep the rot and smell from permeating until they’d been disposed of.

Keith made himself step in, to look at the nearest bare form, to confirm they were the same as the ones he and Talika had found.

They were.

Same needle marks, same bruising of restraints.

He was just about to exit when he heard the faint sound of clicking — some type of hooves? — back in the hallway and the rasp of voices.

Keith pulled the door fully shut without a second thought and ducked into the room, crouching behind one of the body piles, heart hammering in his ears as he waited for possibly his only chance in finding Matt. He couldn’t keep wasting time wandering this labyrinth and these aliens might be his only shot to at least find somewhere to go.

Either they’d enter the room and hopefully give him a heading when he followed them out or, if they didn’t appear in the next minute they’d have bypassed the room and he was sure if he listened he could pick up their tra—

The door opened.

“—told Smiron we need far more specimens but he is starting to get sloppy,” one of the aliens was saying, a scowl on her face and the clicking noise Keith had heard were apparently some type of pincer these aliens had for hands as this alien was twitching hers with an air of impatience. “Ones like these are near useless—”

Keith’s breath caught as a second alien followed the first and behind them floating on a hoverboard…

Was a body.

Not Matt, was Keith’s first thought as this alien was clearly an older woman, skin pink and bearing almost deer-like features on an otherwise humanoid shape. 

And she was as dead as the others.

Keith’s hands curled so tight he felt his nails bite into his palms even through his gloves, his anger only growing as the alien practically threw her body atop the nearest stack without any sort of care.

The two aliens turned without a second look, the hoverboard floating behind them.

Keith sprinted silently after them, slipping through the crack of the door closing and plastering himself in the doorway as they rounded a corner, unaware they had company.

Keith counted out fifteen seconds until the sounds of their clicking pincers was nearly inaudible and then followed.

It had been the right choice as while the hallways were still winding rough stone began to give way to metal and lights and clearly more of the updated laboratory Keith had been expecting from the get go.

And this hallway was lined with doors.

The aliens disappeared into the eighth and last door down the hall and did not re-emerge.

Keith went for the first door, standing on his tiptoes to peer through the small glass window cleary meant for the eye-level of the much taller aliens.

His breath caught at the sight of an alien — clearly alive — strapped down on a table and two more of the pincer-aliens wearing some type of legit doctor’s coat standing alongside and just watching as the alien on the table writhed, clearly screaming in pain but the room apparently soundproofed.

Keith stepped backwards, breath starting to come in sharp pants.

He needed to rescue that man.

But…

But Matt had to be his priority. 

If he announced himself now, no matter how fast he moved, one of those aliens would sound the alarm and then the place would be swarming — and God, he had not just used that word with the whole hive bug thing going on here — and he’d never get Matt out.

He’d never save any of these people.

But he would be back.

Or, well, the Blade would. And they would help these people.

Keith backed away and hurried to the next door.

The alien strapped down on that table was silent, body seeming to spasm with, as before, two of the pincer-aliens there.

The third room was empty.

The fourth was empty.

The fifth had a young woman as the subject, tears streaming down her cheeks and lips moving, eyes wide with fear even though she was not looking at the two pincer-aliens standing on either side of her.

Door six was empty.

And door seven…

Keith froze.

Matt.

That was Matt.

Strapped down.

Sweat coating his skin and blood dripping down his right arm where even from this glance Keith could see needle marks on the pale and abused flesh and bruises forming where the restraints were digging in as Matt writhed on the table, tears dripping down flushed and fevered looking cheeks, but his eyes…

His eyes were terrified. 

Keith was thrown head over heels into when he’d found Shiro strapped down in that Garrison tent as the Garrison personnel simply stood there.

Just like the two aliens here were.

Keith knew there was a need for caution. He knew he couldn’t make a scene.

He also couldn’t wait any longer.

He tried to do both, hand shaking as he turned the knob — no security here — and eased the door open, both of the aliens not noticing as their attention was focused solely on Matt.

“N-no,” Matt’s panicked voice cut into Keith like a knife and his head tossed back and forth on the table. “Pl-please. Sh-Shiro, I…”

Keith froze.

Shiro?

Matt thought Shiro was… here?

“Specimen continues to experience hallucinations,” one of the aliens rasped, voice as clinical as it was cruel and answering Keith’s unspoken question, while Keith slowly, slowly stepped into the room, pulling the soundproofing door silently closed behind him. “Increasing to two moviol of vial eighty-nine SBA when moviol of vial forty-six BAR is not also used in conjunction to determine if susceptibility to outside influence increases or decreases.”

“Inputting dosage,” the other alien said, holding up a syringe of pink liquid and bringing it down to Matt’s arm.

And like fuck was this alien putting anything else into Matt.

Keith was drawing both his luxite and the sword he’d taken from the Blade’s armory with barely a whisper and inaudible over Matt’s renewed struggles as his eyes tracked the needle with an almost unnerving intensity, straining at his restraints and revealing blood cut into a rivet on his neck and chest where he’d pulled so hard the cords had cut flesh. 

“Shiro,” Matt choked out, words barely audible around the building sob. “Pl-please.”

The needle landed on Matt’s arm.

And Keith lunged forward.

It wasn’t honorable, he knew, to attack someone unawares.

He didn’t give a fuck.

Not to these aliens. 

His luxite blade sliced straight through the alien’s arm, orange blood spurting as he separated the limb and the pincer holding the still full syringe fell, while the other blade was aimed at level with the other alien’s head.

It went flying in time with the other alien’s scream as he staggered backwards, instinct having him clutching his severed limb.

He didn’t even have a moment to do anything before Keith plunged his luxite blade straight into his neck.

He made an awful gagging noise and Keith felt the moment he died, weight sinking down on his blade as the body tried to collapse.

Keith pulled it free with another spray of orange ichor and wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing that he felt entirely apathetic to the show of violence.

He found he didn’t care about that either as Matt let out another moan behind him and he yanked his sword free, swiping it against his leg to clean it as best he could for the moment, and turning in the same movement he sheathed it and the sword to look at Matt.

Matt was looking at him with the same, terrified eyes he’d cast upon the aliens, but…

But he wasn’t seeing him.

Keith dissolved his mask and pulled back his hood so he wasn’t just a faceless person.

Matt’s expression didn’t change.

“Matt,” Keith’s voice pitched low and soothing and Matt flinched, head rolling against the table, and only looking more scared.

“Pl-please,” Matt whispered, barely audible. 

Keith’s heart twisted.

What was Matt seeing?

“Matt, it’s me, Keith,” he tried again, using time he didn’t have, but there was no way he could move Matt when he was like this.

Matt’s eyes only squeezed shut, a new tear dripping down, his entire body shaking and a moan of a word Keith didn’t recognize issuing between his lips. “M-Mali…”

What it did tell him was there was no way Matt was going to go with him quietly and that’s what Keith desperately needed to happen or they were both caught.

Keith let out a low curse, eyes darting around the room for something to help.

They landed on a pile of what looked like adhesive stickers sitting on a tray next to a case of colored vials. He’d seen the same in some Galra Empire prisons.

They were gags.

His stomach clenched.

Matt whimpered again, hands spasming at his sides.

Keith didn’t have a choice.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, for what little it meant.

And he pressed one of the squares over Matt’s already raw lips, square lining up perfectly with the irritated flesh already there and telling Keith these had been used already.

Matt let out a muffled moan, another tear dripping down his cheek.

Keith paused to take the robe off of the headless alien — still clean — and threw it over his arm before he turned his attention to deactivating the restraints, all of them disappearing in a blink as he hit the button on the side of the table. 

Matt immediately almost rolled off and Keith barely caught him about the waist, Matt letting out another moan and trying to pull away but going nowhere as Keith’s arms tightened about him.

He could feel even through his insulated Blade uniform the heat emanating off of Matt’s body and he let out another low curse as that was definitely not a good sign. He managed to secure the lab coat as best he could around Matt’s lower half to give him what little modesty he could in the moment and clapped one of the spare masks to Matt’s face, sweat-soaked hair and flushed and tear-stained cheeks being immediately covered. 

Matt gave an even more violent wrench in Keith’s hold and his hands weakly pushed out at Keith’s chest before they fell away, Matt slumping.

Keith took the moment and hoisted Matt over his shoulders, summoned his luxite blade into his free hand…

And taking a breath and praying luck was for once on his side…

Keith ran.

Chapter Text

Something finally went right.

Or, well, mostly right.

Keith was pretty sure he took a few doubleback turns in the earlier section of the labyrinth but he made it back to the hangar without encountering any resistance and he’d propelled both himself and Matt to his ship without incident.

And now…

Now…

God, what did he do?

Steps, Keith coached himself. Break it down.

Secure Matt.

Contact Kolivan and Voltron.

Fly as fast as he fucking could to the Castle of Lions.

Step one, go.

The Blade ships didn’t have cots like the Lions did but there was a section of clear floor behind the pilot’s chair it was there Keith gently laid Matt down on.

Matt twitched but otherwise didn’t move.

Keith didn’t know if that was good or bad.

He hurried over to the emergency kit to drag out the blanket although once he had it in hand he realized if Matt was running that high of fever it wouldn’t be a good thing to have. He set it instead on the floor and shifted Matt on top of it so at least he wasn’t on the cold metal.

Just like the exam table was.

Keith shuddered at the similarity.

His next step was dissolving the helmet — removing his own at the same time — and then pulling the gag off as carefully as he could, wincing as it came away flecked with blood and Matt let out a breathless whimper, brow furrowing.

“Matt,” Keith tried again, placing an absolutely not shaking hand on Matt’s raised shoulder where he’d instinctually curled up.

Matt trembled beneath his hand.

“Matt,” Keith said it slightly louder. “It’s Keith. I—”

Matt went rigid beneath his hand, body a tight line.

“Matt?” Keith whispered. “Can you hear m—?”

Matt spasmed, his entire body contorting.

And he kept going.

Seizure, Keith’s brain supplied a few too long seconds later.

Matt was having a seizure.

One of the biological daughters of one of the rare families he’d lived with who hadn’t been horrible people had suffered from epilepsy and Keith had been briefed on what to do in the event she started seizing and those reminders came back in vivid focus.

Get subject on side; already done.

Don’t hold them down.

Keith removed his hand where it was on Matt’s shoulder.

Remove anything from their mouth — already done — make sure no sharp objects were in the area — also done — and time the seizure.

Keith did so with bated breaths, fingers curling into his palms as Matt’s body continued to seize, the only sound Matt’s gasping breaths and the swish of the lab coat rubbing against the blanket, his eyes staring unblinkingly forward.

Forty-six seconds later Matt’s body went limp, his eyes closing.

Keith lunged forward, pressing his fingers to Matt’s neck. A pulse, if far too fast, beat out against his fingers, and Keith let out a choked breath of his own, bowing his head.

Thank God.

Matt’s body was still tense with pain but he didn’t seem to be conscious and that was probably for the best. Keith returned to the emergency kit and pulled out a cooling pack, snapping it in half to activate and rolling Matt onto his back placed it beneath Matt’s sweat-soaked bangs. It wasn’t much but it was at least something.

His hand hovered for a moment before Keith pulled it back to his chest and got up to head for the pilot chair and pulled up his transmission system, the board alight with messages to both his ship and his phone.

Confirmations from Kolivan.

ETAs from not just Blade ships but other members of the Coalition who were coming to the lab.

And so so many from Pidge.

Keith’s first call was to the Castle of Lions main line.

Pidge picked up at the first ring, Coran and Lance right behind her and in the background Keith could see a glimpse of Allura holding a conversation on another monitor. 

“Matt?” Pidge asked, near-bruises beneath her eyes and desperation painted on her face and knowing the answer to that questions could go so many ways.

Keith picked the most direct, reassuring path he could.

“I’ve got him,” Keith said without any delay and Pidge made a choking noise, hands going to cover her mouth and Lance seemed to squeeze her shoulder from behind. “He—”

A low moan cut Keith off and his head whipped around even though he couldn’t see Matt through his chair.

He was awake already?

“ What is it?” Pidge’s voice was rising in pitch. “Where’s Matt? What’s —?”

“He’s been drugged,” Keith cut her off. “A, a lot. He’s hallucinating,” or so he assumed based on Matt’s comments and the alien’s observations, “and he just had a seizure.” His eyes flicked to Coran, whose face was a grim line. “He’s running a fever, a pretty high one.”

“Keep him cool, hydrated if possible,” Coran said, tone even and calm despite the circumstances and Keith clung onto it. “The princess will be opening a wormhole for you at forty-six khgoavi and sixteen hundred agumai; how soon can you reach that point?” 

Keith was already inputting the location into his computer.

“Ten minutes,” he said, assuming he could fly as quickly out of the debris field as he had in.

Hopefully even faster.

“ We will meet you there,” Coran said. “ Attend to young Matthew now. ”

And Keith knew the wording hadn’t been intentional — they were all young to Coran — but it only drove home to Keith how young Matt really was. He’d always been obviously older even if his maturity was at a child’s level (except for when it mattered and then he became older beyond his years) and Keith had never thought of Matt as really young, but…

But he was.

They all were.

And this…

This should not keep happening to them.

All he did was give a nod to Coran and turned his eyes to Pidge. “We’ll be there soon,” was all he promised but Pidge nodded, fire returned to her eyes.

Keith ended the transmission and hurried around to Matt, who had curled up once more on his side, the cool pack lying on the ground, and while not seizing was spasming, his feet and hands twitching and clenching and breath coming in rapid, pained pants.

And he was mumbling.

His voice was all but a rasp at this point but Keith caught the word ‘Mali’ again and a whimpered ‘sorry.’

“Matt,” Keith didn’t touch him, maintaining his distance.

Matt didn’t react that time.

For the moment Keith left him as he didn’t appear to be in immediate danger and he couldn’t trust the autopilot through the debris field which meant he had to actually pilot if they wanted to get out of here.

A few minutes later they were in clear air and just in time for Keith to see a large Blade transport ship hovering outside and he knew without a doubt Talika was in that and he knew those aliens that remained behind were in good hands.

And Keith flew.

xxx

Pidge was pacing back and forth in the hallway outside the receiving hangar where Keith was due to arrive any second, a floating gurney and Shiro behind her. Coran had instructed that they were to get Matt on the gurney and transport him to the infirmary where Coran had gone to prep a bed and supplies.

They were not only going to be dealing with foreign drugs, Coran had said quietly, meeting each of their eyes in the small conference that had been called once Keith had ended the call, but with drug withdrawal. 

It…

It was not going to be easy.

And Coran didn’t say it but Pidge could see it in his eyes.

He wasn’t sure if it would be enough.

After all, Kolivan had reported the Blades had found bodies, not prisoners and lab subjects. These people had died because of what they’d been injected with and Matt and been injected with what sounded like a lot of drugs.

But he had to pull through.

He had to be okay.

Matt wasn’t allowed to die.

God, he wasn’t allowed to die.

“Pidge,” Shiro’s voice was a soothing timbre behind her and she jerked her head around to where he was standing at the ready with the gurney. “He’s going to be okay.”

Pidge gave a sharp jerk of her head.

Yes.

He would.

Her heart skipped a beat as the hangar door began to open and a small Blade shuttle came in far faster than was safe, but Keith was not your average pilot and it came to a skidding halt just before it would have crashed. The hangar door closed and Pidge threw open the interior door, nearly getting hit in the face as the shuttle door opened and Keith appeared in the opening.

Matt wasn’t with him.

“I need Shiro,” was what he said, voice sharp but not unkind.

It was riddled with worry she didn’t normally see on Keith.

And it silenced any protest.

She stepped out of the way as Shiro hauled himself into the ship, forcing herself to remain there as she’d been aboard Blade fighter jets and they were small and she would not make another obstacle to navigate around.

A moment later Shiro appeared in the doorway, Matt cradled in his arms.

And Matt…

God.

Her brother’s skin was both pale and flushed, covered in sweat and that was the only thing on him besides what looked like a medical jacket awkwardly tied around his hips by the armsleeves, and she could see a glimpse of the scar down his left leg that she had suspected given the limp she’d seen him moving with when he thought no one was watching that she guessed was from the Arena.

But his right arm…

It was riddled with needle marks, skin bruising and bleeding and red in a way the rest of him wasn’t.

And he was so still save for the way she could see his chest heaving as though he couldn’t get enough air.

God.

God, what the fuck had those aliens done to her brother?

“He passed out again a minute ago after another seizure,” Keith said, words quick as he jumped down out of the shuttle as Shiro kept hold of Matt and clearly deciding to forgo the gurney as he started at a brisk walk down the hall to the infirmary. Pidge couldn’t blame him as she wanted nothing more right now than to wrap her arms around Matt and never let go. “I, I didn’t try to wake him. He,” Keith’s breath hitched, “he doesn’t seem to… to recognize me. Or, or anything. Or realize where he is. Everything is just…”

“A hallucination,” Pidge muttered.

“He called out for Mali,” Keith said and she felt his questioning gaze upon her but she gave a mute shake of her head and Shiro did the same. “And, and you, Shiro.”

Shiro nearly tripped as his head swung around to Keith with a breathless, “what?”

Keith shook his head. “I don’t know what for. He just said,” his shoulders rolled almost uncomfortably, “your name and ‘please’ and he did it on the ship and,” he winced, “back there.”

Shiro’s brow furrowed and he gave a small shake of his head.

Silence fell safe for their footsteps as they made their way to the infirmary where Coran gestured for Shiro to set Matt down in the freshly turned down cot before he looked to Keith.

“Keith, please go to the bridge,” Coran said, “and debrief the others.”

It was clear it was not a request and Keith gave a small nod of his head even as he cast his eyes one more time in Matt’s direction, clearly not wanting to leave.

He did though and Coran turned to look at Pidge and she crossed her arms. “I’m not leaving.”

“I was not going to ask you to,” Coran said softly. “But, for a moment of privacy, may I ask you to turn around please while I dress Matt in something more appropriate?”

Pidge felt her cheeks color and she whirled away as she heard Shiro step up to assist and not even a minute later Coran gave her the all clear and she turned back to find that Matt had been clothed in the soft teal infirmary pants and Coran was in the process of applying a vein valve — what the Alteans called an IV — to Matt’s left hand that connected to a clear fluid pack attached to the top of the bed, and Shiro was holding a medical scanner to Matt’s forehead, which was only half visible as he’d turned his face into the thin pillow beneath his head.

A soft beep sounded and Shiro held the scanner out to Coran, who Pidge could see calculating in his head. 

“His temperature is high by your human standards,” Coran said. “A converted one hundred two point seven.”

Pidge’s heart skipped a beat.

That was by no means deathly high but it definitely wasn’t good.

And this was only the beginning as the drugs ran their course.

“The most important thing right now is to keep it from going higher and to keep Matt hydrated,” Coran continued, tapping the fluid bag, “as that is the only way we can flush out his system.”

“Is there anything you can give him?” Shiro asked as Matt let out a whimper even in unconsciousness, his hands spasming at his sides.

Coran shook his head, looking to have aged years since just yesterday. “I am afraid not. We don’t know what drugs are in his system — and even if we had their names and untainted vials of such it could be a couple quintants until we were able to deconstruct what components are in them — and I don’t dare risk giving him anything that could have a negative effect. These praxia,” and Coran’s eyes narrowed and Pidge recognized the Altean word as having very, very, very negative connotations, “have already done such and we will not add to it.”

“What do we do?” Pidge asked, carefully lacing her fingers with Matt’s right hand, relieved when he didn’t pull away even though he twitched.

“Wait,” Coran said, which is what Pidge had feared would be the answer. “Keep him comfortable. Number Four said he was experiencing hallucinations, yes?”

“I’m in them,” Shiro said quietly and Coran’s eyes widened.

“Then you will remain here,” Coran said a moment later, “in the event you are a calming presence to him. However, if the opposite is the case…”

Shiro swallowed and nodded.

“Pidge, I took the liberty of contacting Olkarion. I was unable to speak with your father but passed along a message for him to join us here. I hope I did not overste—”

“No,” Pidge shook her head. “Matt, Matt would want Dad here.”

“Very good,” Coran mustered a small smile. “Then I suggest we all get comfortable.” His eyes flicked to Matt and Pidge’s followed. “We will be here for quite some time.”

Chapter Text

There were hands.

Hands everywhere.

Poking and prodding and hurting. 

Matt moaned, trying to pull away but the hands followed with an icy coldness that seemed to seep into his very bones.

It made the inferno burn even hotter.

Stop, he wanted to plead.

He had never meant to hurt anyone.

He hadn’t meant to kill them.

Please.

Please, forgive him.

The words wouldn’t come out.

The cold did though.

He gasped and cried frozen tear drops at how much it hurt.

And it didn’t stop.

Please.

Make it stop.

He was so sorry.

“You deserve this,” Shiro’s voice was a cold as the hands, a shiver against his ear. “You killed me, Matt.”

Hands — one flesh, one metal — wrapped around Matt’s throat and squeezed.

“And now I’m going to kill you.”

xxx

“Oxygen!” Coran barked from where he was holding Matt in a sitting position, one hand driving against Matt’s back when Matt had begun choking on seemingly nothing, face and lips going blue.

Pidge practically threw the now activated oxygen mask at Shiro and he, with a bit more force than likely necessary but Pidge couldn’t blame him, slammed it over Matt’s mouth and nose, the clear plastic immediately fogging over.

Matt shuddered in Coran’s arms, slumping slightly against the man.

But he was breathing now.

Pidge began to do the same.

That was…

She shivered in time with Matt’s newest shudder.

It had barely been an hour since Matt had gotten to the infirmary and he’d had four more seizures — each lasting not even a minute, which Coran had said was a good thing, even if the frequency was not — but otherwise had remained quiet, lips sometimes moving but no sound issuing forth. 

His temperature had increased another few points so Coran had determined it was time to try to wipe Matt down with cool cloths — which Matt had flinched away and made little whimpers that threatened to break Pidge’s heart —  and apply some additional cooling packs to his wrists — which had been lathered in both antiseptic and bandages for the rubbed raw flesh from the restraints — and under each of his arms along with another to his forehead.

Matt had violently shivered before quieting down.

And then all of a sudden he had started turning blue and his chest had stopped rising.

“What was that?” Pidge asked as Matt continued to breathe, Coran still holding him up and pats turned to a gentle rub that Matt was not pulling away from.

“I fear some version of apnea,” Coran said quietly. “Those drugs… we know from the hallucinations Number Four reported there is some signaling going on from the brain in reaction. Apnea is a failed signal to breathe. But, on the positive side, it does not appear to be cardiac in nature.”

Pidge gave a mute nod, taking Coran’s word that heart trumped brain in this case of complications. 

Matt stirred with a little moan muffled by the oxygen mask and his eyes fluttered.

Pidge tried not to get her hopes up as Keith had said he hadn’t seemed to see anyone even when his eyes were open.

But still, waking up was a good thing, right?

Matt’s eyes fluttered open, normally bright cinnamon brown dulled and hazy.

Coran nodded at Pidge from behind Matt and Pidge swallowed, moving into Matt’s line of sight. “Matt?” she whispered, tentatively reaching out a hand to settle atop one of his own lying limp in his lap. “It’s, it’s Katie.”

Matt didn’t react.

She kept going. “You’re safe now. You’re back at the castle. With, with me and,” she looked up at Coran and he gave another nod and inlined his head at Shiro, “Shiro,” she said the man’s name softly.

Matt jolted, nearly out of Coran’s arms and his head swung around, freezing as he caught sight of Shiro.

“Hey, Matt,” Shiro’s voice was so soft. “It’s Shiro. I—”

And Matt recoiled, nothing but fear in his eyes.

His lips were moving frantically beneath the mask and Pidge tried desperately to pick out words as Shiro tried again even as he didn't move closer.

“Matt, it’s Shiro—”

“No,” Matt choked out, barely audible. “N-no. Please.”

“Matt—”

“I’m s-sorry,” Matt gasped.

His eyes rolled back into his head and as Pidge watched even beneath the oxygen mask Matt’s skin began to darken again as he stopped breathing.

“Matt!” she screamed, yanking the mask off as though that would help. “Matt!”

Coran drove a chop against Matt’s back and he came back with a gasp and at Coran’s bark Pidge hurriedly replaced the mask.

Matt remained slumped once more in Coran’s arms.

“Number One, I am sorry, but you need to go,” Coran said quietly.

“Yeah,” Shiro whispered, voice shaking and he ran a hand through his hair. “I.. um…” he looked at Pidge. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” she tried to muster up a smile that she knew didn’t meet her eyes.

Shiro looked one last time back at Matt and quickly exited the room. 

“These hallucinations do not appear friendly in nature,” Coran said as he carefully eased Matt down, keeping him lightly inclined. “Your touch and voice though, my dear, is not triggering him the same.”

“It’s not doing anything,” Pidge whispered.

“And that may be exactly what he needs,” Coran said gently. “Go,” he patted her hand, “hold his hand, talk to him. Let him know he is safe. He needs you, Pidge.”

“And I need him,” her voice was thick with tears as she threaded her hand back together with Matt’s. 

“Then it is a good thing you have one another, hm?” Coran’s hand gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Stay strong, my dear.”

And Pidge, holding tight to Matt’s hand, tried to be.

xxx

The apnea moments frightened Pidge the most.

The seizures weren’t good either, but Matt never stopped breathing during those and they always ended within forty seconds.

These though…

She clung tight to Matt’s hand as Coran readjusted the oxygen mask to a stronger flow as Matt sucked in a gasping breath of it.

His fever had risen to just shy of one hundred and three despite their efforts and Pidge was terrified between that and the moments of no-breathing and all synapses blocked to his brain that Matt was going to wind up with brain damage.

That couldn’t happen.

Not to her brilliant, clever brother.

“Matt,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his hand, “please. Wake up.”

For real.

Please come back.

“Let’s wipe him down again,” Coran suggested quietly. “You keep holding his hand, my dear. Tell him a story, perhaps.”

Matt tensed in her hold as Coran brought a damp cloth to Matt’s cheek, rubbing away sweat and tears — which Coran said were good, Matt’s body was hydrating property — and Pidge began to talk.

“Do you remember when Bae Bae ate the ham for Christmas dinner?” she asked. “Mom left it on top of the oven since she had to use the oven for the pasta. But you,” Pidge sniffled, “you wanted a piece of pineapple on it and didn’t want to wait for dinner. R-remember?”

Matt whimpered, pulling away from Coran as the cloth descended onto his chest.

“But you were too short so you had to use the step stool,” Pidge continued.  “And Bae Bae hopped up on the stool you left and then onto the counter and…”

And Pidge remembered with fondness now the image of Bae Bae dragging the entire ham into the family room where they were all gathered watching Christmas movies while dinner finished cooking and Mom’s bugged eyed expression. 

“Mom grounded you for a week,” Pidge shook her head. “Bae Bae though was so happy. He ate that ham for a month.”

“Finished,” Coran said a moment later, Matt lying calmly, breaths as even as they’d been beneath the mask, still trembling but not recoiling. “You did excellent, my dear. He is resting much easier now. Are you all right if I step out for a few minutes to check to see if the lab results have come back?”

Once they’d gotten Matt settled the first time Coran had drawn two vials of blood — his needles slipping in and out of Matt’s arm with barely a pin prick left behind — to run through the lab to see if he could determine anything that might be in Matt’s system and also to compare later samples.

“Yeah,” Pidge murmured.

“I shall be back soon. If we can keep him calm I’d like to draw another sample in the next varga or so.”

Pidge nodded.

Matt had not reacted well when, as careful as Coran had been, the needle had been inserted into his arm.

Pidge didn’t blame him one bit. 

“You’re going to be okay,” she said, squeezing Matt’s hand as Coran left the infirmary. “You will. Because you’re Matt Holt. The,” she swallowed thickly, “the most amazing and awesome and talented brother in the whole universe. And, and you can beat this, Matt. I know you can. We’re fighters, right? So fight. Don’t let them win.”

xxx

Don’t let them win.

The words echoed in his brain.

Don’t let them win.

Don’t let her win.

Don’t let her in.

In.

His mind.

It was his mind.

She couldn’t have it.

“You are mistaken,” her voice sounded. “It is already mine.”

Her hand lighted on his head.

“You cannot win.”

Fire erupted.

And Matt was swallowed up by the flames.

xxx

“This is not good,” Coran muttered and based on the sudden paling of his face Pidge had the feeling he had not meant to say such an observation aloud.

It didn’t matter though.

It was true.

Matt was getting worse.

His fever kept rising; at one hundred and three point four now.

He had had several more seizures, lasting longer each time with the longest clocking in (for now) at one minute and eighteen seconds.

His breathing kept going in and out, although Coran had found that a quick shock brought Matt back around and so at least Pidge didn’t have to worry about watching Matt suffocate on nothing in front of her.

He could very well suffocate on vomit though.

He’d started throwing up almost an hour ago, convulsing and then spitting out ropy bile and those were liquids his body desperately needed to keep inside and go through his system.

Matt was on the floor now, a nest of blankets and sheets, as his seizures were growing in intensity that he had nearly thrown himself from the bed twice and Coran had made the decision he was safer at ground level, and Pidge was sitting by his head, propped up against pillows, petting his sweaty hair.

The infirmary doors whooshed open and she lifted exhausted eyes, wondering who would be coming in as Coran had been stern and explicit that no one except himself and Pidge were to go into the infirmary as they did not know what other triggers were and they could not afford to set off something else.

And Pidge’s eyes filled with tears as she took in who it was.

“Dad,” she choked out.

“Katie,” he whispered, already sprinting across the room, Olkari robes flapping. 

He skidded to a halt next to her and Pidge found herself wrapped up in the tightest, safest hug a moment later.

“D-Dad,” she sobbed, returning the embrace.

“Oh, Katie,” he whispered, rocking them both. “Oh, my brave girl.” She felt a kiss pressed to the top of her head. His voice lowered. “How is he?”

Pidge pulled her face free from Dad’s robes.

“Not good,” she whispered, eyes going back to Matt’s fever-flushed face that no matter what they did — Coran even taking the risk and giving Matt a fever reducer as at this point it was no less dangerous than the unknown drugs — didn’t come down.

Dad pressed another kiss to her head and then leaned forward, picking up Matt’s other limp hand.

“Hey there, Matt,” he squeezed it tenderly. “I hear you’ve been getting into some trouble. What,” his voice hitched, “what did your mother and I tell you about drugs?”

Matt’s hand twitched in Dad’s. 

Pidge’s eyes widened.

That was different. The only outside thing Matt had reacted to outside of Shiro was the cold cloths and the blood draws.

And all of those had been negatives.

This…

“Dad, keep talking,” Pidge said, eagle eyes watching Matt’s furrowed brow.

“Your sister has gotten rather bossy,” Dad said, his thumb rubbing across the back of Matt’s hand. “A quality she got from your mother. Holt women run our household and don’t you ever forget that.”

Pidge’s lips ghosted into a smirk. “Damn straight,” she murmured.

Matt’s expression was evening out, the pinch of constant pain easing.

“I am going to get off this particular topic before I give your sister any more fodder,” Dad said and Pidge should stick out her tongue but all she could focus on was how calm Matt was growing. “How about I tell you about Olkarion? Truly, it’s a place like I’ve never seen. If you think the red oaks in California are big, let me tell you those are toothpicks. Baby toothpicks. One of these trees were probably as big as our entire block. You could build a whole town up there in its branches. In fact, maybe when this is all said and done I’ll—”

“Dad,” Matt murmured.

“That’s, that’s right,” Dad’s voice was thick now. “I’m right here, Matt. Can… can you hear me?”

Matt let out a hum.

Pidge felt like crying.

He was hearing them.

He was responding.

“Matt, Mattie,” and God, she hadn’t heard Dad call Matt that in years, “I need you to listen to me, all right?” Dad said, squeezing Matt’s hand. “I know things are probably a little scary right now. But you’re safe. You’re safe now. You’re here, with me. With Katie. Pidge,” he evoked the nickname Matt had first bestowed upon her. “We’re here, Mattie. You’re safe. No matter what else you might hear, I need you to believe that. You’re safe. And we’re going to take care of you.”

Matt’s face screwed up.

Pidge was ready with the bowl and Dad, with practiced ease of being a parent and having two children with sensitive stomachs, hefted Matt up and hunched him over as Matt dry heaved, shaking and trembling. 

“Easy, easy,” Dad rubbed Matt’s back and Matt relaxed into it.

Just, Pidge realized, as Coran had done.

Some touches like that…they weren’t affected by the hallucinations.

They were comforting, even when Matt was terrified.

“Keep doing that,” Pidge said.

“Still bossy,” Dad gently teased and he leaned over, pressing a kiss to the top of Matt’s head.

Matt practically melted into Dad’s side.

Pidge felt like crying all the happy tears.

They weren’t out of the woods yet (and was she really making a nature reference? She completely blamed Dad’s stories about the trees), but…

But she was starting to see sunlight. 

And it felt warm and bright. 

Chapter Text

It was warm.

Not hot.

Warm.

“Welcome back,” Shiro’s voice was soft and as Matt glanced over at him he wasn’t dressed in the prisoner uniform, didn’t have glowing yellow eyes.

He was whole; no scar, no metal arm, dark hair, dressed in his favorite sports jacket from the Garrison.

His smile was so gentle.

And next to him…

“Mali,” Matt whispered her name as he looked at her, the alien wearing a dress instead of the prison uniform, her face clean of dust and grit, her eyes light.

“Matt,” she smiled at him. “You saved me.”

Matt shook his head. “I killed you.”

“You gave me hope,” she whispered. “The greatest gift anyone ever has. You saved me. Thank you.”

Matt’s eyes stung. 

“Matthew Holt.”

Matt whirled around, heart skipping a beat as Te-osh, in a cleaned and pressed Rebel uniform stood in front of him.

“You look good, Matt,” she said quietly. 

“Te-osh,” he whispered, hands trembling. “You…”

“I am so happy for you,” she smiled. “You found your family. Your friend,” she inclined her head at Shiro. 

“I lost you,” he choked out. 

“You have not,” she chided gently. “I am always here,” her hand pressed against his chest over his heart. “And you cannot lose what is in your heart.”

A strangled sounding scream broke the air and Matt whirled around, hair rising and pulse racing.

The Druid appeared, yellow eyes flashing.

But she…

She was behind bars, trapped in a cage.

“You won, Matt,” Shiro said quietly. “You beat her. She can’t hurt you anymore.”

“None of us can,” Mali murmured, taking Matt’s hand in her own. “Please, don’t do that to yourself. You saved us all, Matt. You gave me hope.”

“And me someone to protect,” Shiro said, leaning his forehead against Matt’s.

“And me someone to care for,” Te-osh murmured.

“Thank you,” they whispered.

And in soft white light they disappeared.

xxx

Matt’s fever started to drop.

His seizures stopped.

No bouts of apnea appeared.

Matt had whispered out the name “Mali” again.

He’d called out Te-osh’s name.

And he’d called out for Shiro. But unlike before he didn’t seem upset.

Dad had fetched Shiro, who had hesitantly murmured Matt’s name as he stood at Matt’s bedside.

Matt’s brow had furrowed before it had smoothed and he’d sighed Shiro’s name, relaxing fully, even when Shiro had picked up one of Matt’s hands in his own.

Whatever had haunted him before…
It was gone as much as the other symptoms.

He was going to be okay.

His blood workup was coming back clean, Coran reported, just trace remnants of a hallucinogen remaining but they should be clearing within the next few hours.

He’d done it, Coran had whispered, relief clear. 

Pidge had squeezed Coran tight.

She knew that without his expertise… Matt would be dead. 

And without Keith…

Matt would be a body on an exam table.

And now that Matt was stable, sleeping rather than being unconscious, with Dad and Shiro sitting with him, she had someone else she needed to thank.

She found Keith in the kitchen at the table, a mug of something steaming in his hands, and looking like he hadn’t slept in the last day.

Pidge hadn’t either and she knew she was going to crash soon but Keith was like her; he couldn’t sleep until he knew.

“He’s going to be okay,” she said as soon as Keith looked up at her footsteps. 

And Keith barely avoided spilling his mug as Pidge threw her arms around his neck and sent his chair skidding at the force.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “ Thank you. ”

That would never be enough to encompass all he had done for her family, but she knew Keith knew what she meant.

And Keith, to her surprise and delight, returned the hug. 

“You need a shower,” she mumbled a few moments later, picking up the whiff of not just stale scent but very clearly unwashed clothes.

“The same to you,” Keith muttered into her hair and Pidge snorted in agreement. 

They both seemed to realize at the same moment that, technically, there was only one shower in the Paladin hallway and as far as Pidge knew (at least she didn’t) other than Allura’s room and the infirmary (and no. just, no) she had zero idea where another one would be located.

“Dibs!” she near screeched, disentangling from the hug and pivoting on a socked foot for the bathroom.

“Hey!” she heard Keith yell and she cackled, heart feeling light.

And she knew things were going to be okay.

xxx

Matt awoke to the sensation of a dull throbbing in his head and the brush of a thumb against the back of his hand and quiet voices above him.

He frowned, trying to place them.

They were familiar.

They were…

His eyes flew open to see Katie and Dad above him and matching cinnamon eyes to his own lit up, Dad’s crinkling with the force of his smile.

“Matt!” Katie was lunging forward and Matt didn’t even have a moment to brace for impact of a koala hug as she near on tackled him and he felt his back sinking into a mattress.

He was on a bed?

Why were they in his bedro—?

Matt’s breath hitched in a way that had nothing to do with the sudden stranglehold around him.

The pincer aliens.

The lab table.

The needles and the drugs and, and the Druid and—

“Matt, easy,” Dad sounded and he felt Katie sitting up, “you’re all right, Mattie,” and Matt gave a start at the fond childhood nickname,  “I promise. You’re okay.”

“What—?” and God, was that his voice? He sounded like a chain-smoking frog, “happened?”

Katie and Dad exchanged a look before Dad nodded and Katie looked at him.

“You were abducted by aliens,” she said, completely straight faced and apparently that was just what Matt had needed to hear as he let out a sort of honking laugh, wincing at the way it grated in his throat, but he could feel the tension leaving him.

“You were drugged,” Katie’s voice quieted and her hand now clutching around one of his tightened, “for some type of medical experimentation. Do… do you remember that?”

Matt nodded in place of hearing his voice again.

“Keith found you,” Katie continued and at that Matt started as he did not remember Keith whatsoever. “I’ll let him explain,” Katie said, squeezing his hand, “but when you didn’t return we started looking and, well… Keith found a lead. And then he found you.”

Matt gave another small nod.

“You were really sick,” Katie whispered. “Like, really sick. For almost two days,” she winced and Matt’s eyes widened.

What?

Two days?

He didn’t remember any of it.

“You had a high fever and, well,” Katie gave a small roll of her shoulders, “it wasn’t good,” she settled on. “And you… you were hallucinating,” she said slowly. “We don’t know about what,” she exchanged another look with Dad, “but Shiro was involved at some point and someone named… Mali?” she put forth hesitantly.

Matt’s eyes widened.

Mali?

“You saved us all, Matt. You gave me hope.”

Mali’s voice flitted across his mind but he knew, without a doubt, she had never said that to him. 

Or, at least… she’d never had the chance to.

There was a strange sense of peace in his chest at the sound of her name where previously there was only a gnawing ache of guilt that he’d been responsible for her death. 

“She was a slave at the quarry with me,” he said softly, voice a softer croak at least, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever told anyone that.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever said her name aloud. 

“She died,” he continued and Katie’s eyes widened with guilt. “But… but I think she’s at peace now.”

He knew she was.

He could feel it.

“Is,” and God, he sounded awful and talking hurt, “is Shiro…?”

“Here? Yeah, he’s in the kitchen. I’ll go get him and,” Katie winced, “a cup of tea?”

That latter part sounded heavenly and Matt gave a nod. “Keith too? After?”

He had a feeling these should be private conversations.

Katie nodded and then leaned over and gave him a gentler hug.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered. “I thought…”

“My joke?” Matt hedged and Katie sat up, eyes widening.

And Matt realized in that moment she’d thought too that…

“Oh, Katie,” he whispered and she sank back against his chest in a hug, a low sob rumbling in her chest over his. 

“You have to come back,” she whispered. “Every time. No, no more joking about that. Ever. I, I can’t lose you, Matt.”

“No more,” Matt agreed. 

Some things shouldn’t be joked about.

“I,” she squeezed him, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Matt whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

Dad’s hand descended warm and heavy on Matt’s head and he bent down, planting a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll check in with you later, Mattie,” he murmured. “Rest up now. I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

Dad paused to help Matt sit at an incline and fetched him a water pouch in the meantime and Matt had the entire thing drained, his throat feeling a little bit better, by the time Shiro arrived bearing a tray with both a mug of tea and a bowl of oatmeal.

“I only heated the water,” he led with and Matt let out a hoarse laugh.

There was the Shiro he knew.

Shiro helped him pick up the mug, his hands remaining snug around Matt’s until he had a grip on the warm ceramic, and Matt had the sudden flash of those same hands around his neck, of searing yellow eyes and a sneering face.

He gave a small shake of his head.

Not real.

That hadn’t happened.

“You okay?” Shiro asked gently, sitting himself down in the chair Dad had vacated. 

“Yeah,” Matt croaked and they both winced at the sound but Shiro’s expression went back to almost stern and the faintest hint of disbelief.

“I will be,” Matt amended. “I, I don’t remember a lot of it. It’s sort of… fuzzy,” he admitted.

And he hated that feeling, it reminded him too much of that hazy time on the Druid’s table and the way his mind betrayed him by refusing to recall what had happened to it.

But, maybe, some things weren’t meant to be remembered. If anyone understood that, it would be Shiro.

Shiro’s expression was sympathetic but understanding. “It might be for the best,” he said quietly. “I’ve, I’ve been getting headaches when some of my memories,” he winced at the word, “have been coming up and…”

“You okay?” Matt frowned.

“I will be,” Shiro returned the same answer and Matt couldn’t argue with that. 

“Peas in a pod, huh?” he asked.

Shiro let out a huff of agreement.

There was one thing Matt sort of remembered happening though and if he didn’t ask now…

He didn’t know if he’d ever have the courage to do so. And this was something he needed to know the answer to.

“Shiro?” he asked quietly, hesitantly. “Do, do you ever blame me?”

Shiro looked confused. “For what?”

“The Arena?” Matt said carefully.

“Why would I blame you for that?” Shiro frowned.

Matt’s eyes widened.

Did Shiro… not remember any of it? Even the part where he’d sacrificed himself to spare Matt?

None of it?

Well, if he didn’t… Matt wasn’t going to bring it up. There was enough pain there to last several lifetimes, there was no need to revisit it and only hurt them both.

It was over, it was done, and that’s the way it was going to stay.

“Nevermind,” he mustered up a tight smile. “Sorry. I think they said something about hallucinations?”

Shiro’s expression evened out. “I’m glad you’re okay, Matt,” he said, rising to his feet and clapping a hand on Matt’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll send Keith in?”

“Please,” Matt smiled, taking another sip of his tea and throat feeling better by the second.

Keith entered not even a minute later, the open relief on his face making Matt’s heart and stomach do a weird sort of wobble as Keith wasn’t one to normally show his feelings and for him to be doing so now…

“I really scared you, huh?” Matt asked quietly in place of greeting, setting the now empty mug on the small table Shiro had set the tray with oatmeal and carefully opened his arms as Keith didn’t tend to do hugs and Matt didn’t want to spook h—

Keith sank into the embrace without hesitation.

“Never,” his breath was warm against Matt’s neck, “do that again.”

The same words he’d told Keith once upon a time when Keith had tried to go kamikaze pilot on them and Matt knew the same weight of that moment was behind this.

“I won’t,” Matt promised, even if he didn’t really have any say if aliens decided to abduct him for science experiments.

But scare Keith again?

He’d do his damn best.

And honestly, he’d do his damn best on the whole abduction thing too as he’d really like to avoid a repeat.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” Matt asked as Keith ended the hug, sinking down into the chair Shiro had vacated.

“Um,” Keith averted his eyes but not before Matt could see memories of ghosts lurking in those bright purple eyes.

This was far bigger than just Matt getting shot up with some drugs.

Keith had seen things.

Maybe done things.

“Keith, talk to me,” Matt said gently. “I’m listening.”

It was the least he could do. While some things shouldn’t be remembered…

Others needed to be. They needed to get let out before they festered, before they consumed, and while Matt didn’t know any specific details of Keith’s life prior to Shiro bringing him in and what he knew of Keith’s last abusive foster family… he knew it wasn’t good. Keith had plenty of skeletons and locked doors in his mind, this didn’t need to be one of them.

And haltingly, breaths heavy in places, Keith relayed what had happened.

The trail Katie had mentioned?

It had been bodies.

Test subjects.

Keith had tracked them to a facility after a little investigating, where he’d then gotten lost. And he’d ended up in a room with…

With piles and piles of bodies, he’d whispered. Thrown up on pallets, discarded liked trash. 

He’d followed two of the pincer aliens — Norians, Coran had called them Keith said when he described them, knowledge seekers who firmly believed the means justified the ends — and located lab rooms.

There’d been other aliens being tortured.

And he’d…

He’d left them. 

His guilt was practically bleeding off of him.

The Blade and Coalition teams had arrived when he was leaving and he’d heard from Kolivan they’d rescued two of the aliens, but one of them… he’d died. And, and if Keith had stopped them from injecting him with more things then, then maybe…

Don’t go there, Matt had whispered. Don’t do what ifs. If the alien had died that quickly… there was likely nothing Keith could have done to help him.

Keith had nodded, but Matt knew that was a face that would not so easily go away.

Keith had found Matt, dispatched the two Norians in the room, and Matt had not asked given the way Keith’s face had shuttered but he’d reached out and placed his hand atop Keith’s trembling on his lap and Keith had not pulled away.

Matt hadn’t been aware of him, Keith had said quietly. He’d secured him and made his escape and brought him to the castle, where they’d been for almost the past two days as Matt fought off both the drugs and the withdrawal.

Keith said the Blades had managed to capture two of the Norians, the rest managing to escape, who had — and Keith had not said how the Blades knew this and Matt didn’t want to know — that the Norians had admitted they were developing biological weapons; a mixture of torture drugs, of interrogation techniques and then, finally, death drugs.

That’s how the majority of their subjects died; they received a dose of lethal drugs while the Norians researched the most effective results. 

Matt fortunately hadn’t reached that point.

If he had…

Matt would be just another body on a pallet.

“We’re trying to ID them,” Keith said quietly. “The Coalition is sending out photos to see if they can locate next of kin. If they can’t… they’ll be given a funeral the way of the Blades.”

Which, Matt knew, involved incineration — no evidence to be left behind that way — but he also knew it would be with far more respect than whatever the Norians had planned. 

It was the best they could do.

“I’m glad I had you looking out for me,” Matt said softly and Keith’s cheeks dusted with pink. “My guardian Galran angel,” Matt teased gently and Keith scowled and swatted at him although his cheeks remained spots of color.

“I’m just… just really glad you’re okay,” Keith said after a moment.

“Me too,” Matt murmured. He gave Keith’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Me too.”

xxx

Matt ended up extending his stay at the Castle of Lions to almost two weeks, of which Olia told him if he came back any sooner she’d put him on toilet cleaning for the entire base for a week.

And, well, when he was threatened with that…

He’d been stuck in the infirmary for two more days after he’d woken up — just for precautions, Coran had said — but it hadn’t been the worst as Katie had rigged up a screen and they’d watched movies and played video games and Matt had napped quite a bit. 

He’d played more games once he was free of the infirmary with the only remnants of his time as an alien abduction victim being the still healing bruises and small cuts from the restraints, baked  and cooked (or, well, helped, as Hunk had told him he was almost as bad as Shiro and could not be left unattended) meals and desserts and snacks and he’d gorged himself on so many cookies and fresh milk he’d ended up huddled over the toilet and his biggest regret — even more than the churning stomach — had been how worried Katie had been.

He never wanted to scare her like that again. 

He worked on a project and did coding and even helped out with a Voltron mission and he got to ride along with Katie — no leaving the Lion she’d practically snarled at him and he’d felt this strange presence in his mind backing her up and he’d meekly said yes, ma’am, and gotten to watch his kick-ass little sister go to town on a sentry army. 

Dad had left for Earth a few days ago with video messages and a whole data card of photos for Mom and so many hugs from Matt and Pidge that he’d joked he felt thinner.

Katie’s fault, Matt had pointed at her and she’d just grinned.

But their final words to each other were I love yous and be careful and see you soon.

No more jokes. 

Matt knew, realistically, they had had nothing to do with his abduction because logic clearly said no one could jinx themselves like that, but there was enough shitty stuff in the universe it was better just not to take chances.

And now it was Matt’s turn to say goodbye even if his wasn’t like Dad’s; he’d see Katie in two weeks for a Coalition meeting that Lotor was heading up at the Galra Empire palace.

But it was still hard.

And Katie’s tight hug around his middle and the way he could feel her trembling ever so was not helping.

“Katie, I have to go,” he gave her a gentle squeeze. 

“I know,” she mumbled.

She didn’t let go.

“Katie,” Matt sighed fondly, reaching back as best as he could and unplucking her fingers one by one from his jacket. “I have to go.”

She let him unhook each finger before she brought them all back down, squeezed him in one last hug, and then stepped back, wiping at her eyes. 

Matt wisely didn’t comment.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said. “Promise. You stay out of trouble until then, got it?”

“You’re the one who needs to stay out of trouble,” Katie’s smile wobbled. “Stay safe, okay?”

“I will, promise,” Matt said. “Olia told me to come straight home and no pit stops or she’s grounding me. She sounds like Mom, doesn't she?”

Katie let out a watery laugh and nodded. 

“I love you,” Matt leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of Katie’s head. 

“Love you too,” she whispered.

Matt made himself board his ship as he knew otherwise he’d keep stalling and then Olia would probably ground him just to make a point.

He looked out the cockpit window to make sure Katie was heading for the interior door to find that she was holding her hand up.

But it wasn’t a single middle finger raised like last time. Instead her index and pinkie were raised with her other fingers folded down and thumb straight out.

‘I love you’ in sign language, the sign Matt used to flash to her when she got on the bus to go to school.

He returned the same and held it until Katie had safely backed up and was inside the castle.

He turned to the opening hangar door, the endless skies of space being revealed.
He knew there was a lot of bad out there.

Too much bad.

But there was a lot of good too. A lot of good people, even if some of them were no longer here. But…

His hand went to his heart, a phantom sensation of Te-osh’s hand layering over his.

They still were.

And he carried them all, living or a memory, with him.

And with a final breath Matt took off into the star-studded sky and went to do his part to save the universe.