Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was another night like any other, at least as far as you could recall. You had just shown your most recent “guest” to the door of your room, quietly shutting the door behind them as you heard them talking to the madam about what an amazing time they just had and how sure they were to come back.

You scoffed to yourself at the thought. Every night was “amazing,” as you let these mediocre men (overwhelmingly so, much to your dismay and quite frankly boredom) play out their fantasy of being dominated by a matriarchal priestess of Lolth. Never mind the fact that you you hadn’t been anywhere near the Underdark in years, you hated spiders, and you had no particular affections for any gods, but especially not Lolth.

But, that isn’t what the people wanted, the madam had told you, and surely it was worth a little white lie to let people live out their fantasies?

You slowly trudged to the wash basin to clean yourself off and had begun tidying the room when you heard a knock on the door.

“Tav, deary, I know you just finished with a guest, but there is someone else here who is in need of your special touch,” the madam said, attempting to sound sympathetic, but you could hear her counting through a small bag of gold coins. This wasn’t a request you could refuse.

“Can one of the others handle it? I haven’t had time to reset the room.” You tried to appeal to her high standards of service in an attempt to get yourself some rest. Your arm ached from the “punishment” you gave the last guest and the stink of their anxious sweat still permeated the air around you.

“Oh Tav, you know that no one else here can do what you do,” The madam entered the room, paused briefly as the stench entered her nostrils, then began fervently spraying perfume as she continued talking. “It honestly isn’t that bad, and you know as well as I do that at this hour of the night the guests are more ale than anything else. It will be over in a flash and you’ll be off to take a nice bath with more coin in your pocket.”

Was it that late? There weren’t windows in this room, and the only means you had of telling when time had passed was when the madam or the other staff came to interrupt guests who had gone over time.

“Fine, send them up.”

The madam gave you a gentle but far too practiced touch on the shoulder on her way out the door, and moments later a lumbering man appeared in your doorway. He stank of stale wine and poor hygiene, likely a sailor who had spent most of the night at the Blushing Mermaid. Perhaps the madam was right and this would be a quick and easy interaction.

You squared your shoulders and stood tall, looking him up and down with a cutting gaze, mentally resetting and preparing for the role you had to play.

“What offering to you bring to this temple of Lolth?” You scoffed at the man dramatically, offering his cue to join in the fantasy.

Every night, the same script. Oh I bring nothing but myself, your humble servant, to offer what pleasure I can to the glorious priestess. You would then rebuke them for their indolence, or for your repeat customers, for the inadequacy of the gifts they did bring, and then you would begin meting out their “punishment.” When you started working at the Caress, you could scarcely believe that getting dominated by a Lolth Drow was such a common fantasy, but the madam certainly knows her customers.

Tonight, however, this customer wasn’t interested in that particular script.

“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, demanding tribute,” the man slurred, but through his drunkenness there was a sharp edge of genuine anger. “You Drow cultists should go back to the Underdark where you belong.” The man had closed the door behind him and was now standing toe to toe with you, looking down at you with contempt. “Maybe I ought to show you the only thing your kind is good for.”

You were frozen, half exhaustion and half shock, trying to figure out what this man expected from you. Did he want you to chastise him and this was just part of the script? Before you could formulate a response, he had grabbed you by the throat.

“Filthy Drow whore,” he spat out as he threw you to the ground. You could scarcely let out a gasp as you fell, hitting your head on the edge of a heavy wooden wardrobe. You were still in a daze as you felt his hands on you, tearing your clothes to the side as he roughly entered you. Your head rammed the wardrobe as he moved, your attempts to push him away only resulting in him pinning your wrists together behind your back.

The growing ache in your head and your prone position lulled your body into a frozen state, while your mind ran anxiously between thoughts, wondering if this was really happening and what you should do about it. You willed yourself to move, to scream, to fight back, but your body refused.

The man grunted and swore under his breath. Your lack of movement had apparently displeased him. “I thought Drow were supposed to be tough,” he slurred through heavy breaths, “Turns out you are just as fucking worthless as I thought. Shouldn’t have let that cunt talk me into paying so much for you.”

His words snapped you back to the present and you found yourself back in control of your body. You let loose a blood-curdling scream as you pulled your hands free and rolled away from the wardrobe. The man froze for a moment as he realized you might give him the fight he had just asked for, and he responded by putting both of his sweaty hands around your throat.

“Shut the fuck up, whore,” He spat at you. Pure rage spread across his face. There was no hint of lust anywhere to be found, only blind hate. “I paid for my time and I intend to use it however I bloody well please,” He tightened his grip with one hand while the other reached behind his back.

You panicked, realizing he was reaching for a weapon. You weren’t sure if anyone had heard your scream—or worse, had heard it and assumed it was part of someone’s scene. Your heart pounded as you thought through the possibilities.

You felt his grip loosen ever so slightly, and you used the opportunity to kick him square in the chest. He stumbled backwards as the air left his lungs. You looked around frantically for anything you could use as a weapon, finding nothing within arms reach as he began to lunge back towards you.

His hands were almost back around your neck when the door to the room slammed open. The madam, the barkeep, and several of the other hosts were there, their mouths agape as they took in the scene. You were flat on your back, head bloodied and neck bruised, your clothes torn, as this man stood over you with a knife in his hands.

They descended on him like a pack of wild dogs. The barkeep pulled the knife from him as the others pulled him from the room. You sat, frozen again, trying to pull more air through your bruised throat as your head pounded. Some time passed, you couldn’t tell whether it was minutes or hours, and then you found the group circled around you as you lay in a heap on the floor.

“Oh poor Tav, I had no idea that brute was capable of something like this.” The madam cooed, but you couldn’t tell whether she was more interested in comforting you or herself. The guilt of having talked you into taking this customer was plain on her face.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” One of the others said as they guided you to a chair. You winced as another dabbed at your head with a damp rag.

“I’m fine,” You muttered under your breath. “I think I just need some air.” You stumbled out of the bordello in a daze, ignoring their protests. Your torn clothes hung loosely around your body as you walked out into the night breeze, not quite sure where you were going. You just knew that you couldn’t bear to be in that place right now.

Your mind was reeling. Normally, you are in control in those situations. You write the script, the guest follows, and you just have to play your role. There were rules, boundaries—that was the deal. You had just received a painful lesson that you can’t trust everyone to follow your rules, and you have to be able to enforce them.

Tonight, that control had been stripped from you. The specialized, in-demand host, master of their game, was gone, leaving only the common whore. You felt a knot of disgust at your core as you sank into a feeling of powerlessness.

Your aimless wandering had brought you to one of your favorite spots, one of the small beaches surrounding Wyrm’s Crossing. The sound of the waves filled your ears as your bare feet sank into the gritty sand. Faint lights dotted the horizon, blending seamlessly with the starlight overhead.

You found a seat on a nearby rock, letting the foamy waves wash over your feet. Gingerly, you felt your injured head, still slightly damp with blood. A faint sob tried to leave your throat, but the throbbing bruises made it sound like like a hoarse cough.

“Um…..pardon the interruption.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin as you turned toward the voice in the darkness. Standing not three feet away from you was a pale Elf with tousled white hair. The moonlight on his complexion made him seem like a ghost, as did the fact that he had gotten so close to you without you noticing his approach.

“Are you alright?” His tone made it clear that he knew you were very much not alright, but there was a hint of genuine concern. “You uh……Well you’re bleeding, darling, and somehow I doubt that your attire is a purposeful fashion statement.”

His words and the chilling ocean breeze spurred you to look down at yourself. The outfit you had decided on for this evening really was intended for indoor-use only, and that was before it had been torn. The man was staring straight ahead toward the horizon, only glancing at you peripherally. You appreciated his attempt to preserve what was left of your dignity as you realized how exposed you were.

“Oh gods….” you groaned, eliciting another cough. Your body ached and the exhaustion of the night was catching up to you.

Suddenly, there was a weight and warmth. The man had removed his coat and placed it around your shoulders.

“It wouldn’t do for one of the most beautiful Elves in Baldur’s Gate to catch a cold, now would it?” You could hear the smirk in his voice—after all, he appeared to be one of the most beautiful Elves in Baldur’s Gate himself—but there was a touch of earnestness hiding in his eyes. He had turned to look at you now, and the tricks of the moonlight seemed to make his eyes glow as he smiled gently at you. It was a welcome respite from the rest of the night, but then the implication of his words hit you. He thought you were a normal Elf—probably a High Elf at that.

“I’m….a Drow, actually……” You muttered quietly as your head sank between your shoulders. You prepared yourself for his reaction, for him to storm off or yell at you for “tricking” him, as so many had before.

“Well, what is a Drow but an Elf that needs a bit more time in the sunlight? Gods know I’m not one to talk when it comes to that.” He chuckled to himself softly. “But, I do stand corrected: It wouldn’t do for the most beautiful Drow in Baldur’s Gate to catch cold, would it?” His gaze was firmly fixed on you now, the faintest smile across his face. You couldn’t help but smile back, there was something about the way that he looked at you that made the rest of the world seem so far away.

“The most beautiful Drow?” You replied coyly. “Have you conducted a thorough survey to back up a claim like that?”

“Well…..” He leaned back, running a hand through his soft, curled locks. “Let’s just say that I have encountered quite a few beautiful people in this fine city, and among them all you are one of the most memorable.”

“Memorable is certainly a word for it.” You replied flatly with a sigh. “I assume most of the beautiful people you encounter are properly clothed and aren’t actively bleeding?”

“Depends on the night.” He chuckled.

“Remind me not to go to any of your parties.”

“Oh I’m not much for parties. I prefer my social engagements to be a bit more…..intimate.” You found yourself transfixed by his gaze now. Maybe it was the head trauma or the rush of adrenaline, but there was something intriguing about this man that made everything else around you seem to disappear.

He gently brushed your hair behind your ear, exposing your bruised neck.

“Gods, what brutish creature did this to you?” He whispered, a look of genuine concern on his face.

“Just a…uh…..work accident.” You replied shyly. Somehow, you felt that knowing about your line of work would change his mind about that “Most Beautiful Drow” award.

“Well, I just hope that whatever monster is responsible finds themself in a positively dreadful accident of their own.” He huffed indigently. He knows there is a story there, but he respects the boundary you’ve set by not offering more information. “Do you have somewhere to go tonight?”

“What?” The question takes you somewhat by surprise. “Oh I, yeah I have a place. I just…..” You trail off with a sigh. “I guess I just needed some space and air.”

“Am I intruding? I hate to interrupt a good brood.” He was staring out towards the ocean as he spoke, and you got the sense that this beach was one of his preferred brooding spots too.

“No, no.” As much as you wanted space before, it felt good having someone there, even if it was a stranger. “I appreciate the company.”

“Well I aim to please,” He turned toward you with a coy smile. “Please feel free to let me know if I’ve overstayed my welcome at any point.”

“Somehow I don’t see that happening.” You lean into him as he gently wraps his arm around your lower back, pulling you closer.

Your body ached, but you were desperate for a kind touch. You hoped the feeling of someone else could erase the painful memories of before.

“You know, I’ve just realized that I never asked your name. How dreadfully ungentlemanly of me.” He spoke slowly, more focused on gently caressing your head than he was the words.

“It’s Tav.” You replied quietly, not sure whether to focus on his piercing eyes or his soft lips as he spoke. The moment ended suddenly when he brushed against the sore spot on your head, causing you to yelp in response. Your hand shot instinctively to your scalp, bumping him out of the way.

“Gods, that is fresh. My apologies, Tav.” He gently grabbed your hand in his, bringing your bloodied fingers to his mouth. Your heart raced as he carefully sucked on your fingertips.

“No it’s alright, I was just startled,” You said between heavy breaths. He held your gaze, a mixture of lust and concern on his face. He guided you onto you back in the sand and knelt beside you. He placed a gentle kiss on your wounded head before straddling you, the moonlight shining ephemerally through his hair.

“You know, I never got your name either.” You ran your hand under his shirt, feeling the cold of the night that had sunk into his skin without the coat he had so generously offered to you.

“Astarion.” You could feel him harden against you as he leaned over you, gently running his hand along the side of your face.

You shivered, partially from anticipation and partially from the fact that your tattered clothes had left you practically undressed as you laid under him, your chest moving with rapid breaths. A moan escaped your lips as he pressed his soft lips to the base of your ear. Your hips bucked against him, eliciting a moan in response.

“So impatient,” He chided into you ear before giving your earlobe a gentle bite. You gasped and bucked your hips again, desperate for touch. He adjusted his stance, placing one of his legs between yours so you could grind against his thigh. You moaned your thanks.

“Gods, you sound beautiful.” His lips moved to your neck, placing gentle kisses on the tender bruises. You heard him take a long breath in. “You are making it painfully hard to control myself.”

“I don’t recall asking you to control yourself,” You pouted, prompting him to kiss your neck harder, eliciting equal parts pleasure and pain. You felt something sharp brush the tender skin, but it paled in comparison to the feelings of pleasure radiating through your body.

He suddenly pulled away. When you tried to whine your displeasure, he held a finger over your mouth.

“Something’s out there.” He muttered, his sharp eyes surveying the darkness.

Your breath caught in your throat. A terrified thought crossed your mind as you wondered if the brute from earlier had followed you, but all that surrounded the two of you was the sound of gentle waves and heavy breathing.

“Are you sure?” You whispered the question.

“My ears do not lie.” He said flatly, but you could see the alertness in his eyes. “Perhaps we should go elsewhere.”

“My room isn’t far from here,” You offered as he stood and pulled you to your feet. You had taken a few steps forward when you felt a presence behind you. You could feel his arm around you protectively as you both turned to see what was there.

“Fuck.” His eyes went wide as you were met with the menacing tentacles of a Mindflayer. He reached for the knife at his side, but it only took a split second for the creature to use its psionic powers to knock you both unconscious.

When you awoke, you were locked in a strange pod, wearing tattered clothes and clutching a coat that wasn’t yours.

Chapter Text

It was another night like any other, at least as far as you could recall. Every night for 200 years had been the same: wait for dusk to settle over Baldur’s Gate, go out into the city, and find some hapless person to charm. Your nightly routine started with a tour of all the local taverns, casting knowing glances and ordering drinks to soften up a few future targets. You had dates and dances, midnight rendezvous with people of all sorts. All with the goal of getting them to trust you enough to return with you to Szarr Manor, where you would bed them in the most luxurious room most of them would ever see in their lives.

Every night you found yourself surrounded by a walking buffet of potential food—vibrant, fresh, teeming with life. But your master, Cazador, forbade you from partaking in blood from living people. Instead, your catch would be sent off to your master’s chambers, and in exchange you would receive a rat. If you were lucky, it wouldn’t even have plague. It usually did though.

Yours was a lonely existence. You had siblings in the form of your fellow spawn, but Cazador made sure that the relationship between the seven of you was purely competitive. The staff of the manor were wholly consumed by their service to the Szarr family and had little time for spawn. And of course, you had more lovers than you could even recall, but you never got to enjoy them for more than a few days. They were prey, not pets, and certainly not partners.

The last time you kept stringing one along for more than a month, you turned up at their bedroom window one night to find that your dearest brother had decapitated them and left their headless body for you to find. When you returned to the manor, Cazador had Godey lock you in a closet with the head for a month, and you had to watch as the head of your former lover rotted away, eaten by bugs and the very same dungeon rats that would later become your dinner.

Never again, you told yourself. When you were finally let out from your confinement, you scoffed that you had only been reveling in that poor person’s pathetic attentions. A plaything, nothing more, you insisted. But a small voice inside you knew that wasn’t the whole truth. You let yourself get attached, you had started to care. And just as quickly, that attachment was used to remind you how little control you had over your life.

You learned to turn off your mind, separate it from your body, so you could get your work done without dealing with doubts hanging over you. Night after night, you locked a part of your mind away and let your body and voice betray the trust of anyone fool enough to hold your gaze. You made yourself everything they ever wanted, the perfect lover. And they became the perfect victims.

You had become quite good at your job, as your talent for smooth talking could easily get you into the minds—and beds—of your victims within a few well-played interactions. It became a point of pride for you that you seldom had to resort to brute force to retrieve your prey. After all, Cazador preferred his food unblemished. You were a tool for your vampire lord, and your sole purpose was to do whatever he bid, even if he never seemed to appreciate it.

You couldn’t recall if it had always been this way, or what you were like before you became a spawn. Maybe you were always this uncaring, but the twinges of doubt that crossed your mind—and the ache in your chest where your unbeating heart laid dormant—suggested that perhaps you weren’t.

It didn’t matter now. It couldn’t matter now. You belonged to Cazador, and you had to follow his rules.

With your rounds completed early and no one quite primed enough to come back with you to the manor tonight, you had several hours before the rising sun would force you back indoors. On nights like these, you liked to sit along the beach and listen to the waves. It was comforting, somehow.

You couldn’t remember when you started, but it was one of your favorite things to do when you had a free moment. The small beaches along the edge of Wyrm’s crossing were your preferred spots, mostly because no one else seemed to go there.

As you made your way down the lamplit streets, you heard a muffled scream rise above the usual cacophony of the city’s nightlife.

Someone is either having a really good time or a really bad time, you mused to yourself.

You cozied up on your favorite rocks on the shoreline and watched the waves. You stared wistfully at the night sky—the only sky you were able to see safely. It was a full moon, which was enough reflected sunlight to make your eyes sting ever so slightly. You laid your head back and closed your eyes, eager to sink into the comforting rhythm of the lapping tides.

You had only closed your eyes for a few minutes when you heard the sound of someone else on the beach. Your eyes shot open, only to see someone in an elaborate but tattered ensemble stumble past you barefoot, seemingly unaware of your presence.

As you tried to make sense of what you were seeing, you were suddenly struck with the most delicious smell. This mystery person was bleeding, and their blood smelled more delectable than anything you had experienced in your life. It saddened you that you wouldn’t get to taste them for yourself.

They still hadn’t noticed your presence, and had found themselves a seat on a rock further into the sea. They didn’t seem to notice that the tide was rising, or that they were already up to their ankles in water.

Someone’s had a bad night. You thought to yourself. You felt a twinge of sadness for this person, as you had a sense that if no one intervened, they would be content to sit on that rock until the tides pulled them into the bay. You sighed as you realized what you should do.

Might as well divert them into a different death and save myself some effort. I can always leave the clothes here just in case someone comes looking for them later. Hells, maybe they already wrote a note.

You steeled yourself, readying yourself to wall off your mind and get your work done. The hoarse sobbing coming from your victim wasn’t making that easy, and neither was the delectable smell.

“Um…..pardon the interruption.” You said quietly. They were cleared startled by your presence and turned to look up at you with wide, tear-stained eyes. Red tear-stained eyes, you couldn’t help but notice. Now that you were closer, you could see that your mystery person was a Drow. The pale skin had thrown you off, but you recalled an old history lesson about the rare pale Drow and their infamous clandestine activities above the surface in service of Lolth.

You paused for a moment, contemplating what such a person would be doing out here like this, and then you noticed their clothes. They were torn, but they were clearly an approximation of a priestess’s robes, only more…..sensual. Obviously someone on a spying mission wouldn’t be walking around like that, which suggested their intended use was for a different kind of worship.

The scream you heard earlier was starting to make sense. Your thoughts were tangled between feeling pity that they had been mistreated and the knowledge that they could disappear without too much of a fuss. And then there was the matter of the blood that was matted in their soft, white hair, begging you to have a taste.

“Are you alright?” You asked, a stupid question given the clear evidence, but it felt like the polite thing to do. “You uh……Well you’re bleeding, darling, and somehow I doubt that your attire is a purposeful fashion statement.”

They looked back at you with wide eyes, seemingly having trouble understanding your words. They suddenly looked down at their exposed body and their cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You decided to be a gentleman and keep your gaze towards the waves instead, but there was little left of that outfit to leave anything to the imagination.

“Oh gods….” They groaned and began to cough, seemingly in pain. Comfort and chivalry seemed to be the correct tactic here, so you removed your coat and placed it gently around their shoulders. It still didn’t really cover anything, but it’s the thought that counts in these situations. Now it was time to turn on the charm.

“It wouldn’t do for one of the most beautiful Elves in Baldur’s Gate to catch a cold, now would it?” You smiled at them while you spoke, holding their gaze. Their pale complexion and red eyes reminded you of your siblings. You wondered if you looked like that too, but then you noticed the softness—there wasn’t a hint of malice in those eyes, only hurt and vulnerability. They furrowed their brow as they gazed back at you, and the more your eyes met, the harder it was becoming for you to keep your mind on your task.

“I’m….a Drow, actually……” They dropped their head as they spoke, as if they were ashamed of the words.

“Well, what is a Drow but an Elf that needs a bit more time in the sunlight? Gods know I’m not one to talk when it comes to that.” You chuckled as you spoke, hoping to set their mind at ease. Drow or not, blood was blood. “But, I do stand corrected: It wouldn’t do for the most beautiful Drow in Baldur’s Gate to catch cold, would it?”

They barely blinked as they smiled at you, their eyes still locked on yours. You had them.

“The most beautiful Drow?” They retorted with a smirk, seemingly having become a bit more grounded due to your efforts. “Have you conducted a thorough survey to back up a claim like that?”

Maybe you didn’t have them just yet. Time to up the ante.

“Well…..” You pulled out one of your favorite moves, carefully pacing your words while you ran your fingers through your hair. That alone had gotten you into more beds than you could count. “Let’s just say that I have encountered quite a few beautiful people in this fine city, and among them all you are one of the most memorable.” It was intended as an empty compliment, but that pit in your chest ached from knowing it was true.

“Memorable is certainly a word for it.” They sighed with a mixture of exhaustion and embarrassment. “I assume most of the beautiful people you encounter are properly clothed and aren’t actively bleeding?”

“Depends on the night.” You chuckled to block out the images that came flooding into your mind.

“Remind me not to go to any of your parties.” They mused with a smile. You should have expected that a creature of the night would have a dark sense of humor. It was a welcome respite from the normal tavern banter that filled your evenings.

“Oh I’m not much for parties. I prefer my social engagements to be a bit more…..intimate.” You found yourself moving quickly with that implication, but something within you was telling you that you needed to experience everything you could with them before you had to give them up to Cazador. The look you got in response told you the feeling was mutual.

You gently brushed their hair behind their ear, a first touch to test the waters.

That’s when you noticed the bruises. Deep purple, in the clear shape of a hand grip.

“Gods, what brutish creature did this to you?” You whispered. Such a display wasn’t likely to please Cazador, and you found yourself wishing you had stumbled upon whoever had done this instead—someone who would have deserved the violence that you were leading to.

“Just a…uh…..work accident.” They replied quietly. That earlier glimmer of confidence had vanished.

“Well, I just hope that whatever monster is responsible finds themselves in a positively dreadful accident themselves.” You huffed. The fact that they aren’t telling you more suggests you should move on to other topics. In this state, they might not have a home to return to tonight, which gives you an opening. “Do you have somewhere to go tonight?” you asked, hoping the answer was no.

“What?” They questioned. Perhaps you were moving a bit fast. “Oh I, yeah I have a place. I just…..I guess I just needed some space and air.”

They must work at the Caress, you thought to yourself. Despite having some of the finest wine in the city, you avoided going in there. The times you had, there was an air of emptiness that reminded you of home. The ache in your core grew stronger.

“Am I intruding? I hate to interrupt a good brood.” Against your better judgement, you opened a door for them to escape this fate. All they had to do was walk through it.

“No, no, I appreciate the company.”

Fuck.

“Well I aim to please,” You said with a coy smile covering your disappointment. “Please feel free to let me know if I’ve overstayed my welcome at any point.”

“Somehow I don’t see that happening.” They said as they leaned towards you.

You had them.

You wrapped your arm around their waist and pulled them closer, a gentle moan escaping from their parted lips. This was the time you needed to stop thinking and just do, but your mind was stubbornly refusing to fade into the background. You were going to feel every part of this, and it was going to hurt.

“You know, I’ve just realized that I never asked your name. How dreadfully ungentlemanly of me.” You spoke your words slowly as you gently caressed their head, the pit in your stomach weighing heavily on your conscious. You knew their name would be etched into your mind for an eternity.

“It’s Tav.” They replied, their eyes firmly fixed on yours. You were about to lean in for a kiss when your hand brushed against the wound on their head, causing them to yelp in response. They touched the spot, and their hand came away covered in droplets of blood.

“Gods, that is fresh. My apologies, Tav.” You tried to conceal your excitement. The rule was that you weren’t allowed to feed on a person, there wasn’t anything that said that if a person happened to get blood on you you wouldn’t be allowed to have a taste. Your first taste of fresh, real blood was within your grasp.

You held their gaze and grabbed their hand gently in yours. You waited to see if they would pull away, but they remained steady, eyes eager. You brought their fingers to your mouth and sucked the blood from their fingertips. You closed your eyes, trying to hide the sheer ecstasy of experiencing their taste. You wondered for a moment whether everyone tasted this good or if Tav was somehow extra delicious.

“No it’s alright, I was just startled,” They said through heavy breaths. They were clearly enjoying themselves and hoping for more. The feeling was mutual, but you were also trying to figure out how you could get another taste.

You guided them onto their back in the soft sand and knelt beside them. You leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on their wounded head, taking in whatever taste and smell you could. It was mostly dry at this point, but it was still intoxicating. You sighed in pleasure and straddled them, gazing down at their contented expression.

“You know, I never got your name either.” They said as they ran their hand under your shirt. You hoped they didn’t notice the coolness of your skin or the soft moan their touch had elicited.

“Astarion.” You said, hoping to every god there was that they would forget. Your insides felt twisted—every fiber of your body wanted them, as the growing tightness of your pants was clearly demonstrating, but your mind wanted to find a way to spare them from the horrid fate that Cazador had in store for them. You wanted to run, to leave them and let them be safe, but if you did that you would never be able to see them again, much less feel them in the ways you so desperately wanted to.

Cazador’s words echoed in your head—people are beneath us, they exist to be used.

You ran your hand along the side of their face, steeling your resolve. Better to enjoy them, even if it was brief. You had so few moments of genuine pleasure in your life, after all. Why deny yourself this?

They shivered underneath you, their breathing rapid as their chest responded to the night air. You felt your cock stiffen at the sight.

You pressed your lips to the base of their ear and they moaned, urging you on. They bucked their hips against you, pulling a moan from your throat.

“So impatient,” You chided, your lips brushing their ear. You gave their earlobe a gentle bite, being careful to avoid using your fangs.

Their hips rose again, desperate for touch, but you weren’t finished enjoying the foreplay yet. You adjusted your stance so that one of your legs fell between theirs, and they responded by grinding against your thigh and moaning hungrily. Their bare skin was rubbing the thin cloth of your pants, and you could feel the wetness against your skin.

“Gods, you sound beautiful.” You started to kiss their neck and the smell of the pooled blood in their bruises filled your nostrils. “You are making it painfully hard to control myself.”

“I don’t recall asking you to control yourself,” They pouted, blissfully unaware of how desperately you wanted to sink your teeth into their neck.

In that moment, you didn’t care what Cazador or anyone else did to you. You had to know what their blood would taste like filling your mouth.

Just as you were about to plunge your fangs into their neck, you sensed movement near you on the beach. Shit, one of the others must be watching. You pulled away, trying to determine where you were being watched from.

They whined in displeasure as you pulled away. You held a finger over their lips.

“Something’s out there.” you muttered as you surveyed the darkness for any signs of movement.

“Are you sure?” Tav whispered, their voice trembling.

“My ears do not lie.” You couldn’t see anything, but you knew to trust your senses. “Perhaps we should go elsewhere.”

“My room isn’t far from here” They offered as you pulled them to their feet, draping your coat back around their shoulders as you guided them away from the shoreline. You had only taken a few steps forward when you felt a presence behind you.

“Fuck.”

You turned to find a Mindflayer a handful of feet behind you. Knife striking distance if you could move fast enough. Maybe you could startle it, buy some time. Save yourself—save them.

You weren’t fast enough.

When you awoke, you were locked in a strange pod, alone. Between fitful bits of sleep, you could have sworn you saw their ghost walk past you in whatever hell you were suspended in.

Chapter Text

“Where in the bloody hells am I?” You asked yourself aloud as you surveyed your surroundings. It would appear that the Mindflayer ship you had been held captive on had crashed, throwing you from the pod that had contained you for…..well, you weren’t sure how long, really.

You remember the Mindflayer accosting you and a lovely Drow companion on the beach, but your memory was hazy after that. You do distinctly remember a particularly disgusting-looking tadpole being forced into your eye, and you could swear that you felt it wriggling in your head now.

You hesitantly reached up to examine yourself. Your hair appeared to still be there, and your face was mercifully free of tentacles. Presumably you were still you, not that you were super clear on what that looked like. Ravishingly handsome, no doubt, and firmly tentacle-free.

The crashed ship had made quite a mess. Pieces of metal and bizarre organic material lay strewn across the sandy coastline. The smell of ash and blood permeated the air around you. You squinted, trying to make sense of where you were, and then it hit you.

You were standing in the sunlight.

You panicked, looking for some sort of shade to hide in before you started to combust. Your skin was already starting to feel warm.

It occurred to you that if you were going to turn into ash from the suns scorching rays, it would have happened by now. Hesitantly, you opened you eyes. Everything was so bright. It had been centuries since you saw the world like this, much less felt the warmth of the sun on your skin. You might be standing in a death-strewn hellscape, but at least it was daylight.

You questioned what that meant for you. You carefully ran your tongue over your still-present fangs, and a cautious glance at the water’s edge showed that you still lacked a reflection. The smell of blood in the air was making you hungry. Aside from the sunlight, it would appear that you were, in fact, still a vampire spawn.

But what about Cazador, you mused. questioning whether he would still be able to compel you to do his bidding. You searched your mind for any trace of his influence, that little voice that always spoke to you from the darkest reaches of yourself, reminding you what you were. It wasn’t there, seemingly replaced with the alien squirming of the tadpole.

You were free.

You barely had time to consider what this could mean for you when you heard voices approaching. You couldn’t tell what they were talking about or whether they posed a threat, so you quickly positioned yourself to gain the upper hand.

“Hello, can anyone help me?” You called out from the tall grass, trying to appear vulnerable.

The voices came closer and you kept your back to them. There seemed to be two of them, so you would have to tread carefully.

“There’s one of those….creatures,” You implored. “Can you kill it?”

The voices hesitated. You heard the distinct sound of metal on metal and felt the electric crackle of magic fill the air. One of them moved closer. You carefully counted their footsteps.

One.

You carefully wrapped your hand around the handle of the dagger on your belt.

Two.

You saw them approaching you from the corner of your eye.

Three.

As soon as they had passed in front of you, you pulled them to the ground and put your knife to their throat. The other voice yelled in protest and moved toward you.

“Now now, don’t make me hurt……” Your voice trailed off as you looked over your captive. They were wearing a tattered outfit that left them fairly exposed, but on top was your coat. “Tav,” You whispered their name. Your captive was the Drow you had been abducted alongside. Your mind flashed back to that night, the taste of their blood on your tongue, the sounds they made as their body met with yours. A night of pure ecstasy tragically cut short.

They survived. You thought, a wave of unexpected relief washing over you. You reflexively relaxed your grip. Tav took that opportunity to elbow you in the gut and stumble to their feet.

“Whatever you thought you were going to accomplish here, I suggest you think again.” The owner of the other voice was standing over you now, thick dark bangs shading piercing eyes that were practically boring holes in you as she glared at you in disgust. She held a heavy mace, clearly prepared to use it.

“I’m like you, I swear it.” You floundered. “The Mindflayers, they abducted me from Baldur’s Gate and—” Your words were cut short as the tadpole in your brain began to squirm. Visions suddenly appeared in your mind, one of a dark-haired woman with an intense sense of purpose, the other of a person standing alone in a room that was suddenly filled with a sense of fear.

As the visions faded, you looked at the two people standing over you. Given their expressions, it would appear that they were experiencing visions as well. You panicked for a moment, fearing what they may have seen of you.

“Ngnhh” The dark haired woman groaned. “You may have also been a captive, but that doesn’t justify going around putting knives to people’s throats.”

“Shadowheart, go easy on him.” Tav intervened. You sighed in relief. Tav could explain that you knew each other and then everything would smooth over. “In these circumstances, I can’t blame anyone for attacking first.” Shadowheart reluctantly put her mace away.

“I’m Tav, this is Shadowheart. Looks like we have ourselves a tadpole problem.” The Drow extended their hand to help you up. You paused for a moment and locked eyes with them, finding no sense of recognition in their gaze. You took their hand and rose to your feet.

You weren’t sure why Tav was acting like the two of you hadn’t met. Perhaps this Shadowheart person wasn’t to be trusted. Always best to just play along.

“I’m….Astarion. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” You offered, the tiniest bit of disappointment coming through your voice. They mercifully didn’t seem to notice.

“Astarion, such a fancy name” Tav teased, their voice lilting. “You must be from the upper city.”

“And you must be a bard.” You replied flatly. The smile on their face seemed miles away from the person you met on the beach, but there was a quiet sadness in their eyes that was all too familiar to you.

“Guilty as charged” they replied with a flourish. “Though I like to think of myself as more of a performer.”

“Careful about admitting guilt, I am a magistrate you know.”

“Ohhh, scary.” You heard Shadowheart groan again in the background as Tav continued. “I know! I’ll just plead temporary insanity due to….brain worms.” They wriggled their fingers, mimicking your tadpoles.

“I’m sure that will hold up in court.” You felt a small smirk cross your face, despite yourself.

Maybe having some company around while you figured things out wouldn’t be so bad.

Even if they didn’t realize they were wearing your clothes.

Chapter Text

You weren’t really sure how you got yourself into these kinds of messes. You had woken up on a Mindflayer ship, infected with a parasitic tadpole that was threatening to sprout tentacles from your face. You managed to crash said ship with the help of an cross-dimensional warrior who seemed to think that people from Faerûn were barely sentient and a cleric who really needed to listen to some bards that weren’t actively mourning the loss of their one true love.

You then found an elf whose first instinct was to put a knife to your throat (which was a reasonable response given the circumstances, but still, quite rude), a wizard who got himself stuck in a portal, the legendary Blade of Frontiers himself, and a Tiefling with a machine for a heart. Oh, and some kind of mummy. He wasn’t really with the group, though. He just sorta….hung out at your camp.

Needless to say, this group of misfits was having a bit of trouble getting along. And as a bard, you had a professional obligation to bring this unlucky band of adventurers together.

Which was the nice way of saying that you were tired of trying to keep people from stabbing each other.

“Alright everyone, gather around!” You called out to the group, earning mostly annoyed groans in response. “I have a nice stew prepared, so let’s all have a lovely dinner and get to know each other a bit better.”

They didn’t seem enthused about the last part, but the promise of food was enough to get everyone’s attention. Soon they were all contentedly munching with no threats of violence.

“Okay, I’ll start. I’m Tav, and I’m a bard from Baldur’s Gate. I mostly play flute.”

“We’ve all been inside each other’s minds at this point, do we really need to engage in such a meaningless exercise?” Lae’zel scoffed between bites.

“Well I wouldn’t say getting to know the people we have a shared fate with is meaningless.” Gale offered, “I’m from Waterdeep, but I spend a lot of time in Baldur’s Gate as well. Sometimes the shops there are the only ones with the right tomes, you know.” He held your gaze while he spoke, as if the rest of the group wasn’t present.

“I’m from the Gate as well originally, but I haven’t been back there in quite some time.” Wyll added.

“Hey, me too!” Karlach added as she hungrily added another portion of stew to her bowl.

“Indeed, it would seem most of us are from Baldur’s Gate” Shadowheart mused, “How peculiar.”

“How exactly is it peculiar?” Astarion asked, “Baldur’s Gate is the only real form of civilization in this area. Of course that’s where most of us are from.”

“The Nautiloid could travel between dimensions in an instant.” Lae’zel responded, “It could have picked up anyone from anywhere.”

“Huh, so it is a bit odd for this group to have all been abducted, all survived the crash, and all been resistant to the power of the Absolute.” You added, proud that Lae’zel was willing to participate at all.

“Odd, but ultimately meaningless. Pure chance, nothing more.” Shadowheart stated with a sigh as she returned to her stew.

“Never discount the effects of chance, some of life’s most beautiful moments stem from it.” Gale added, again staring right at you.

“Speaking of chance,” Astarion interjected, “Given that we were all mostly from the same place, what are the odds that any of us have met before?”

“I spent a decade in the Hells, so I’m not sure I’d remember to be honest.” Karlach said as she leaned towards the stew pot for thirds, only to find it empty. She frowned for a moment before Astarion rolled his eyes and passed her the remainder of his bowl. She beamed at him before eagerly chowing down. You hadn’t expected him to be the generous type.

“I’m in much the same position.” Wyll nodded in agreement.

“My studies kept me fairly busy.” Shadowheart added, though she seemed somewhat guarded in her choice of words. “I didn’t really get out much.”

“Well, I would hope none of us had any encounters with Lae’zel before.” Astarion mused, eliciting a scoff and glare from the Githyanki. “So, I suppose that just leaves myself and Tav. Surely we could have bumped into each other in a tavern at least once or twice?” Now he was the one looking at you expectantly. He seemed to really expect the answer to be yes, but you couldn’t recall seeing him a day in your life before he had literally put a blade to your neck.

You knew you were lying when you introduced yourself as just a bard, but you had a feeling that “Hi I’m Tav and I’m a professional whore who men pay to step on them” wouldn’t have been the first step towards comradery that you were going for. Astarion’s expectant gaze suggested that he at least thought he had seen you before.

You sincerely hoped that he hadn’t been one of your clients at some point. Surely you would have remembered him if he had, given his striking appearance. He looked otherworldly in much the same way you did, with delicate elven features set apart by pallored skin and piercing red eyes. You of course were from another world—the Underdark. You wondered how a surface elf like Astarion ended up with similar features; perhaps he had Drow parentage as well.

Regardless, you would have remembered if he had ever paid you a visit at Sharess’ Caress, and from what little you knew about him, he seemed like someone who would be on the giving end of the kind of treatment your customers were after, not receiving. Maybe he had visited one of the other hosts, or had seen you around town and just remembered what you looked like. You hoped that if he was familiar with your professional work, he would keep it to himself.

You realized you had been lost in your own thoughts without answering. Astarion was still looking at you, his head cocked to the side and an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, those taverns can be so busy, who’s to say? I don’t think I recall meeting you before now.” You finally said, trying to play off the tension.

“Oh.” He said, sounding every so slightly disappointed. He didn’t push the issue further. “Well, that was a lovely meal and conversation everyone, but I think I will take a short walk before bed.” He stood, giving a slight bow before turning and heading into the woods beyond camp.

“Should someone go with him? Gods know what kinds of trouble lie out there in the dark.” Gale asked.

“No.” You replied. “I think he probably wants some time to himself. You all get some rest, I’ll clean up here and take first watch."

Chapter Text

Dusk was falling around you as you finished off your evening meal—an unlucky boar that happened to cross your path. You were fortunate to have caught anything at all given how distracted you were with your own thoughts after the group discussion at dinner. Tav’s words were echoing in your head: “No, I don’t recall us meeting before now.”

Why won’t they admit that we met? You asked yourself. Do they truly not remember? Your ego was a bit bruised at the thought of being that forgettable to someone you nearly bedded.

The details of that night were seared into your memory. The sweet smell and taste of Tav’s blood on your tongue—the first blood you had tasted that didn’t come from a filthy rat. Just the memory of it had made the boar’s blood you just consumed seem like stale pond water in comparison.

You remembered how close you came to plunging your fangs into their bruised neck, damn the consequences. The smell of their blood pooled just under the skin was a temptation you were oh too eager to indulge in. In your 200 years, you had never come so close to disobeying Cazador’s ban on drinking from people.

Once you had been turned, you had delved into every text you could find on vampirism, trying to understand the reality that you had found yourself in. Every description in every book was the same—Vampires were cruel and indulgent creatures who enjoyed decadence in all its forms. How ironic then, that as a spawn you were fed scraps and slept in grime-filled barracks underneath a literal palace.

Maybe the temptation you felt that night was just you seeking an escape from your cruel fate, a desperate attempt to indulge for once in your miserable life, even if it would have likely meant your end. Or maybe there really was something special about their blood, something that made them worth the risk.

And they didn’t even remember that it had happened.

“I was ready to throw my life away for a taste of you, and you don’t even remember my face,” You muttered under your breath as you slumped against a tree. Your tangled thoughts weighed heavily on you.

You weren’t sure what you were most upset about—was it because you didn’t complete the act and drain them? Or was it the fact that you had considered it at all? If you had just taken them directly to Cazador, perhaps you would have escaped this tadpole in your head. But then you would still be a slave to him, at least now you have some chance at freedom. Was it simply a bruised ego that someone you had treated as prey—whose life you held in your hands—had come away from that moment with no recollection of who you were while you, on the other hand, were out in the middle of the woods having an existential crisis about it.

You played that night over and over again in your head as you tried to make sense of it. The taste of their blood as you licked it from their fingers. Their soft breasts exposed to the cool night air, moving steadily in pace with their rapid breaths. The moans they made as you kissed their neck.

For so long, sexual encounters had just been a chore to you. Every now and again you would be with someone who genuinely felt good, but the cruel end to the night always hampered any enjoyment you could have had, to say nothing of the pure repetitiveness of it. You were bait, nothing more. No sense in overthinking it because there was nothing you could do to change it. Best to forget as much of it as you could.

But now, things were different. And that night was different. You wanted them for yourself.

The way your trousers were starting to feel tight suggested that you still did.

You hesitated for a moment. You hadn’t had many opportunities—much less reason—to pleasure yourself in quite a long time. Given your “responsibilities” for Cazador, you generally felt too spent to want to touch yourself. But right now you felt like you could burst.

Gods, this is embarrassing, you thought to yourself, but your body didn’t seem to care. You bit your lip gently as you loosened your belt and trouser ties, carefully sliding a hand past your waistband to grab your stiffening cock. You shuddered from the touch.

You put your mind back on that night with Tav, slowly stroking yourself as you remembered the warmth of their skin on yours. You rocked your hips, recalling the moans they made as they bucked against you, practically begging for you to take them.

You felt the slickness of precum on your fingers as you continued to stroke yourself, building a knot of heat in your core. Your pants were uncomfortably tight now. You tugged your waistband down further to expose your throbbing cock and began stroking more steadily.

You moaned softly as you quickened your pace, feeling the tension building. Your hands felt good, but you desperately wished you had someone here to share in your pleasure. Your mind went back to Tav and the needy sounds they made when you let them grind against your leg. You ached for that wetness as your hand moved steadily over your length. You felt your body shiver when your thumb rubbed against the sensitive head of your cock. You wished you had moved faster that night so that you would know now what it felt like to be inside them.

You let your imagination fill in the blanks, dreaming of what might have happened if you hadn’t been interrupted. You would have kissed their neck more, gently biting on their collarbone—not to drain them, but enough to make them bleed and fill the air with their delicious smell. You would have run your hands down their sides, feeling their soft skin as their back arched and their hips bucked, begging for you to take them. You would have held their gaze as you positioned yourself at their entrance, watching the pleasure on their face as you filled them with your cock.

The thought of their warmth around you nearly pushed you over the edge. But that wouldn’t have been the end of it. You wanted to fuck them until they moaned your name over and over, feeling their pussy tighten around you as they came. You wanted to fuck them better than they had ever been fucked before, and when they were a breathless mess completely undone from your efforts, you wanted to push deeper and fill them with your cum. You wanted to hear them cry out in pleasure as you plunged your teeth into their neck, your cock still filling them as you drank. And in that moment, they would have been yours.

Your cock shuddered at the thought. The noises you were making were undignified, but you were lost in the fantasy as you stroked yourself. The sound of Tav’s breathy moans echoed in your head as you climaxed. Waves of pleasure washed over you as the tension released, your cum dripping across your hand and onto your clothes. Your strokes slowed as your sensitive cock began to mercifully soften.

As your mind began to clear, you realized you had made a complete mess of yourself. You had cum on your shirt, along with some blood from either the boar or from you biting your own lip too hard. You wondered how long you had been gone from camp and whether any of them might come looking for you. You stood, you legs still somewhat shaky, and tried to tuck the worst of your mess back into your pants.

As you walked back towards camp, the same thought kept echoing in your mind.

They didn’t remember any of it.

Chapter Text

You were starting to notice a pattern. Every evening as the group settled into camp for the night, Astarion would go off into the woods alone. Sometimes he would announce that he was going for a walk, other times you saw him stalking off into the night once the others had fallen asleep.

You tried to talk about it with Shadowheart, but she waved off your concerns.

“He’s an elf, just like you. Neither of you needs that much sleep to begin with.” She had barely raised her eyes from her book when she spoke. “Perhaps he just values his privacy. Gods know the company around here can be somewhat….lacking.” She added, casting a distrustful glance towards Lae’zel’s tent. Apparently you were the only one who thought his behavior was odd, but it wasn’t just his late-night walks that were bothering you.

It was also the fact that he was being kind of a dick to you.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes anytime you offered the smallest kindness to anyone, regardless of the circumstances. He kept completely to himself at camp. And where the first few nights you could scarcely find a time when he wasn’t looking at you, now he seemed to be purposefully avoiding your gaze.

You tried to remember what could have happened to cause such a change. Aside from his obvious distain for your warm-hearted habits, the only thing you could think of was when he had suggested that the two of you could have met in Baldur’s Gate and you said that you couldn’t recall.

Surely that couldn’t be it, you thought to yourself. How could something so small have resulted in such a dramatic change in his behavior? Elves live for hundreds of years, how could anyone possibly remember every person they had encountered, particularly in a large city?

And why did it bother you so much that his behavior had changed?

You supposed you had been somewhat flattered by his attention before, even if it mostly consisted of tired pick-up lines that were delivered with such drama that they came across as more playful than flirtatious. Now he coldly avoided you as much as possible, unless it was to deliver some sort of mockery or snide comment.

It was rude, dammit. And you decided you were going to be the grown-up in the situation and talk to him about it.

The others had all bedded down for the night. You stayed up, waiting for Astarion to head out for his usual nightly walk. You watched as he stirred from his bedroll, taking a moment to look around to ensure everyone had fallen asleep. He frowned as he saw you watching him, clearly unhappy that you were interrupting his routine.

“Did you need something?” His voice dripped with displeasure as he stood, still refusing to look at you.

“Yes, actually.” You walked closer to him, prepared to follow him all night if that is what it would take. “I think we need to talk.”

“Do we now?” His tone was flat, but you saw him glance at you through the corner of his eye. “Do you intend to do this talking here in front of everyone?”

“We can go wherever you would like.” You folded you arms. You weren’t going to let him get out of this. He sighed.

“Fine.” He started walking towards the edge of camp. He made it a few paces before he turned to look at you. “Well, are you coming?”

You trotted after him, ready to give him a piece of your mind.

Astarion led you to a small clearing, still close enough to see the lights of the camp but far enough that you wouldn’t wake the others.

“Well, what is so damned important that you felt the need to accost me in the middle of the night?” He snarled and placed his hands on his hips. You stood directly in front of him, arms crossed, your eyes fully locked on his.

“What is your problem?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why do you seem to hate me so much?” Confusion crossed his face for a brief moment as he heard your words, but it was gone just as quickly.

“Hate you?” He stepped closer. “Darling, hate is such a strong word, and it implies that I spend my precious time thinking about you.” His face was mere inches from you now. “Believe me, I don’t.”

You looked up at him, trying to understand why he was speaking to you with such venom in his voice. There was no light in his eyes as he looked at you with what could only be described as distain.

“I….” your voice trailed off as you tried to formulate a response. “I don’t understand. Why are you traveling with us if—”

“For gods sake Tav,” He cut you off. “Unfortunately, I need you and your little collective of misfits if I’m going survive this fucking tadpole. That doesn’t mean I have to bloody like it.” His words were angry, but his tone sounded almost hurt. You looked at him, your brows furrowed as tears nearly welled in your eyes.

“That doesn’t explain why you are so hurtful to me specifically.” You said, the stinging of his words echoing in your head. You wanted desperately to step back and hide your face, but he was looking straight at you now and you weren’t going to be the one to back down.

“Why does anything have to be about you?” He said with a mocking laugh. “Gods, you really can’t fathom a world where you aren’t the center of attention. It must be different out here, not having people pay for the privilege of putting up with you.”

Your heart sank at his words. There was no doubt in your mind now, somehow or another he knew. Your mind raced, wondering whether he really had seen you at the brothel or whether this is something the tadpole had revealed to him.

“I…I don’t know what your talking about.” You tried to steady yourself, but your wavering voice wasn’t convincing.

“Oh please,” He scoffed. “Did you really think you were the only one here with a tragic backstory you’d rather not talk about? You don’t hide yours very well, by the way. Maybe some of the others are fooled by the cutesy bard act, but I know that look in your eyes. It’s all an act, every last bit of it.”

You tried to respond but couldn’t find the words. You choked back a sob as he looked at you with a bemused expression, clearly satisfied that he had reduced you to tears.

“Well, that was an absolutely lovely chat Tav, but I think I will be taking my leave now.” He turned and headed deeper into the woods. His silhouette had nearly merged with the darkness of the forest when you words returned to you.

“Why do you seem so bothered by it?” You said, uncertain whether he was out of earshot.

You barely heard his voice as it responded from the darkness.

“Like I said darling, you aren’t the only one with a tragic backstory you’d rather not talk about.”

Chapter Text

This is not how you wanted this evening to go. Your head was pounding from unsated hunger—the last few nights had resulted in only small game and you were desperate for something more filling. And of all the times that it could have happened, tonight was when Tav decided it would be a good time to have a talk.

Things were tense between you and Tav, for a lot of reasons.

For one, they spent all their time going around helping people—people they had never met before and likely would never see again. Your whole camp was walking around with ticking timebombs in their heads, and your fearless leader was helping little old ladies and children cross the street. They were wasting precious time, and none of you knew how much of it you even had left. You couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t stay more focused on the group—on you.

Do-goodery aside, there was the matter of your encounter on the beach prior to your abduction—specifically the fact that Tav seemed wholly unaware of the fact that it had happened, and you had no idea why. You had considered telling them about it, but you couldn’t find a way to have that discussion without bringing up a lot of messy questions. They didn’t know what you were, and you weren’t sure they would trust you enough to let you stay if they did. It was too much of a risk.

You still weren’t sure whether Cazador could still influence you or whether he would attempt to recapture you, and none of you really knew what was going on with these tadpoles. Every attempt to find a healer had turned up nothing so far. The seriousness of your situation, combined with the weight of what felt like a secret about the two of you that only you knew, had made it difficult for you to communicate with them.

Any time they looked at you, you felt tangled in knots. You couldn’t figure out what you felt about them or why, much less what to do about it. You couldn’t tell if you could trust them, or if they were truly willing to trust you. It was like a game of chess where you couldn’t see your opponent. You felt like you were in the dark, and that made you uneasy. You were used to being in control in these kinds of situations, even if that control was in service of rather brutal ends.

So, you had been trying to avoid prolonged interactions with Tav as much as possible. That of course was not keeping your mind from dwelling on these questions—or more embarrassingly, your fantasies about your night together that were leaving you frustrated. Avoiding them until you could be more sure of what was going on, and whether they trusted you, seemed more prudent.

Unfortunately, Tav was going to push the issue.

You led them to a small clearing near camp to have their conversation. You were still desperately hungry, and the thought of being alone with Tav in this state was going to make focusing on a reasonable discussion difficult.

“Well, what is so damned important that you felt the need to accost me in the middle of the night?” Your voice came out in a snarl. Not the best start. They were standing directly in front of you with their arms crossed. Their pale red eyes were locked on you, reading every movement you made. You watched them take a deep breath before they spoke.

“What is your problem?” They asked.

“Excuse me?” The question caught you off guard.

“Why do you seem to hate me so much?” The expression on their face showed that they really believed that you disliked them. You felt your stomach drop as you realized that they really didn’t have a clue about what you had been going through, and rather than ask you about it, they were going to pick apart your behavior.

They don’t trust me.

“Hate you?” You stepped closer to them as you tried to decide what to say. The hurt that had been festering in your mind was turning into anger as you realized how far apart your understandings of each other were.

And so you decided to hurt them back.

“Darling, hate is such a strong word, and it implies that I spend my precious time thinking about you.” The words fell from your mouth as night upon night of anguish boiled over. “Believe me, I don’t.”

You could tell from the look on their face that this was not the response they were expecting.

You asked for this.

“I….” Their voice trailed off quietly. “I don’t understand. Why are you traveling with us if—”

“For gods sake Tav,” You were too far in now to pull back. “Unfortunately, I need you and your little collective of misfits if I’m going survive this fucking tadpole. That doesn’t mean I have to bloody like it.”

You hated it, actually. You hated how distracted everyone was with their own problems. You hated how much time you were wasting. You hated the feeling that your only chance at freedom was slipping away.

“That doesn’t explain why you are so hurtful to me specifically.” There were tears building in the corners of their eyes as they spoke, but they held your gaze.

Gods, you could go on for ages as to why you paid more attention to Tav, but there was no way to explain all of that now. To do that, you would have had to open up, to be vulnerable, and in your mind, this whole evening had showed that you couldn’t trust them enough for that.

You needed to come out of this with more control. You searched your mind for something, anything you could say to shake their confidence.

And then you remembered—they had told the others they were just a bard.

“Why does anything have to be about you?” You said with a malicious chuckle. “Gods, you really can’t fathom a world where you aren’t the center of attention. It must be different out here, not having people pay for the privilege of putting up with you.”

You watched as every ounce of confidence left their eyes.

“I…I don’t know what your talking about.” Their voice wavered as they spoke. You had them.

“Oh please,” You scoffed. “Did you really think you were the only one here with a tragic backstory you’d rather not talk about? You don’t hide yours very well, by the way. Maybe some of the others are fooled by the cutesy bard act, but I know that look in your eyes. It’s all an act, every last bit of it.”

They were on the brink of sobs now. A part of you ached knowing you had hurt them, but your instincts told you that you were in a stronger position now. They knew you had leverage—they knew you could hurt them.

“Well, that was an absolutely lovely chat Tav, but I think I will be taking my leave now.” You turned and headed toward the woods, eager to start your search for dinner.

You heard a quiet voice call out behind you.

“Why do you seem so bothered by it?”

“Like I said darling, you aren’t the only one with a tragic backstory you’d rather not talk about.”

Your mind was racing as you moved through the dense forest.

In the moment, it felt like the right thing to do, but now, moving through the forest alone, you realized that it was probably a bad call—a childish impulse that left you more vulnerable that ever. You were sure that they were back at camp now, turning the whole group against you. Perhaps it was for the best. If they weren’t willing to trust you, you were better of on your own anyway.

You weren’t sure why they were so secretive about their work at the brothel, but it was clearly a sensitive topic. Fine. But it struck you as hypocritical that someone so insistent on keeping their own secrets was so keen on digging into everyone else’s business. And that is to say nothing of the secret that you were keeping about Tav, that they seemingly had no awareness of. They had a lot of nerve trying to confront you when you were carrying the weight of that night by yourself.

You were still completely famished, but Tav’s tearful face was haunting your mind, freezing you in place. Cazador’s words echoed in your head—people are beneath us. You remembered why you preferred to keep your distance.

You steadied yourself, assuring yourself that whatever doubts you were feeling stemmed from your weakened state of hunger. You took in your surroundings, looking for any signs of movement. A set of tracks caught your interest, so you moved closer to see what they were.

Bear.

You had never had a bear before. It sounded delicious.

You crouched, blade at the ready, following the tracks. You had followed them silently for a few dozen yards, anticipation building, when the bear’s shape appeared before you. It was curled up, sleeping.

You debated briefly whether your bow might be a wiser move. You could strike from a distance and be out of range in case your first strike was not enough to weaken it. Your hunger told you to go directly for its throat.

You approached the bear with your knife drawn. It hadn’t stirred as you moved closer, and you licked your lips in anticipation.

In one quick movement, you drove your blade into its neck. The bear roared awake. You tried to pull your blade back out for another strike, but before you could dislodge it the bear had risen to its feet.

Chapter Text

You stared listlessly at the fire as it crackled in the quiet of the evening. Your companions were all soundly asleep in their bedrolls, save for one.

After your fight, Astarion had stormed off into the woods while you sat slumped in that clearing. You had sat there and sobbed in bewildered silence as you tried to understand what had just happened and why. You replayed his words over and over, the anger in his voice mixed with the hurt on his face.

He was upset that you weren’t being fully honest with everyone about your past, but you couldn’t for the life of you understand why that seemed to hurt him so deeply. Plenty of the others had secrets; hells Astarion himself hadn’t said anything about his past other than being a magistrate from Baldur’s Gate. So why was it such a problem that you were glossing over some details?

And where was he?

It was normal for him to go out into the woods at night, but it seemed like he had been gone longer than usual. While you pretended to sleep alongside the others, you usually weren’t out for more than the few hours, and you had developed something of a habit of waiting to start your meditative sleep once Astarion had returned from….whatever it was that he was doing.

It was fairly normal for members of the group to go off alone. Everyone needed their quiet time, and some were more discreet about it than others. But he was so much more routine about it. You had tried to figure out what it might be, of course. What else did you have to think about while you were lying awake waiting for him to return?

He always came back…different, somehow. He seemed refreshed and contented, some nights more than others. Maybe he just really liked his walks. Or, he was really good at pleasuring himself. Maybe both.

Gods, why am I thinking about this now. You chastised yourself. he clearly wasn’t interested in you at all at this point, much less like that. You hoped that you hadn’t upset him to the point where he would leave the group. None of you needed to be out there alone, regardless of how you were or weren’t getting along.

Another hour passed, and there was still no sign of him. Your mind raced, considering all the possibilities. Clearly he was allowed to go wherever he wanted, but you felt like if you really had driven him away and something happened to him, it would be your fault. You decided to go looking for him.

The underbrush was starting to feel wet as the morning dew started to settle. The night air was thick as you breathed it in, trying to get a sense of where he would have gone.

You had been walking for a few minutes when you stumbled across a set of prints—a bear, based on the claws, and along side it two sets of smaller prints. A mother and cubs.

The prints glistened in the dim light, wet with something, but you couldn’t quite make it out what. Something white caught your eye, so you moved forward to investigate. Stuck in one of the prints was a small piece of cloth, with a few gold stitches hanging loosely from it.

Your heart sank as you realized where it had come from.

You moved quickly along the trail of prints, hastening your pace when the metallic smell of blood reached you.

“Astarion!” You gasped as you emerged from the underbrush

The rouge was lying in a small clearing, a blood-soaked dagger clutched in his hand. His shirt was ripped, exposing his pale bloodied skin. You couldn’t tell how much of the blood surrounding him was his own. He didn’t seem to acknowledge your presence.

You knelt beside him, trying to determine the extent of the damage. His clothes were torn and his cuts were deep—deep enough to make you wish you had brought Shadowheart along to heal him. Your rudimentary healing spell would have to be enough.

“Gods Astarion, how stupid do you have to be to get into a fight with a mother bear” you chastised as you tried to focus your energy, your voice shaking. He didn’t seem to hear you. Tears started to well in your eyes.

You sat in silence, teeth gritted and a steady stream of tears flowing down your cheeks, as you focused all your energy on the spell. You cursed yourself in your head for trying to talk to him, for making him upset, for not going looking for him sooner.

What if it’s too late?

“Tav?” His voice was barely a whisper. He winced in pain as he looked up at you. “What are you…..how….”

“I know you’re pissed at me,” You said with a quivering voice. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you.”

“I….” He trailed off as he looked up at you. The malice from before was gone, leaving only confusion. “What happened?”

“You lost a fight with a bear.”

“Ah,” he started to chuckle but the pain from his wounds turned it into a groan.

“My healing spell isn’t the best; we should really get you back to camp so Shadowheart can do this properly.”

He propped himself onto his elbows and looked down at his wounds. Somehow, you had managed to close all of them, leaving only some bruises.

“It would appear that you’ve already done that,” He said as he examined his tattered clothes with a frown. “Although this is going to require more than a quick mend.”

“I’d still feel better if she looked at you,” You said, sighing as you finally broke concentration on your casting.

“I’m fine, really.” He protested. He started to rise to his feet, but his legs buckled underneath him.

“You seem fine.” You said flatly. You offered him a hand. He sat quietly for a moment with a serious look on his face.

“Tav….” His brow furrowed. “I need to ask you for something.”

“I can’t give you a piggy back ride back to camp.”

“Tav.” He cast a glance at your outstretched hand before finding your gaze. His tone told you that this wasn’t a time for jokes. “Please just….hear me out.”

“I’m listening.” Your mind raced as you waited for his response.

“I’m….hungry.” You almost cracked a joke, but the look of pain in his eyes told you this wasn’t about him giving most of his dinner to Karlach. “And it’s made me weak.” He looked down at his ruined clothes.

“Were you…..trying to eat a bear?” You tilted your head to the side as you tried to figure out where he was going with this.

“Yes,” He replied, his gaze still lowered. “But I wasn’t strong enough. It’s been too long.”

“So….what can I do to help you?” You offered. He raised his head to look at you. You could see him trying to understand your intentions.

“I….I need a drink.” He swallowed. “I need blood.”

Oh.

“So….the red eyes aren’t a Drow thing?”

“No….it’s….a vampire thing.” he said slowly, his tone cautious.

“Huh.” You mused. Suddenly a lot of things were starting to make more sense. “So, the nighttime walks were…..”

“Yeah”

“But…we walk around in the sun?”

“A pleasant side effect of our tadpoles, it would seem.” He still hadn’t turned away from you. His tone was hesitant, as if he were waiting for you to attack him.

“Does you dinner usually get the better of you?”

“I uh…..it’s a long story. Suffice it to say that I’m not used to hunting like this.”

“You still haven’t told me what you want from me.”

“I…well clearly I’ve been less than successful at hunting this evening. Technically I can go quite a long time without feeding, but……it would leave me weak. I wouldn’t be contributing much to the team.”

You raised an eyebrow. Given your conversation earlier, he didn’t seem to care much about the team, but he knew that you cared. He was also still avoiding the question.

“So, what does that mean you want?”

“Would it be possible for me to….um…..have some of your blood?” You wished that was the weirdest thing anyone had ever asked you. Being asked for blood by a vampire barely even made your top 10.

“How much?” He blinked at you, seemingly shocked that you hadn’t refused him.

“Just enough to get my strength back, I swear.”

“Alright.”

“Alright?”

“You can have some of my blood.” He still looked shocked. “But I expect you to be nicer to me after this.”

“Tav, I….”

“And we don’t have to tell the others, if you don’t want to.”

“You’d do that?” His voice softened. He didn’t seem to have anticipated that as a possibility. “You’d keep my secret?”

“You’ve kept mine, haven’t you?”

“Well yes but….I don’t know why it’s a secret. I mean, I’m keeping secrets so I don’t get staked in my sleep by our resident monster hunter. I don’t understand why you are telling everyone you’re just some common bard.”

“People look at you differently.” You fidgeted with your hands. “When they know.”

The air was heavy with everything you weren’t saying out loud. The way people changed when they found out you were a Drow and not a surface Elf. The way they made comments about domineering Lolth-worshipping women, when you were none of those things. The expectations that people’s perceptions of you forced on you—the roles you were made to play.

“I….I suppose I understand that.”

“I’m still trying to figure out how you knew.”

“It isn’t everyday that someone comes across someone like you in Baldur’s Gate.” He seemed to mean that as a compliment, but his words still stung. “I only wish that we had been more formally introduced.”

“But how did you know? Were you…a client?”

“Oh heavens no.” He ran a hand through his hair as he spoke. “However, having seen you, radiantly gorgeous as you are, dressed somewhat…provocatively, shall we say, in the general vicinity of an establishment named for a goddess of hedonistic pleasure, well……”

“Ouch.” You rolled your eyes dramatically, “That’s an awfully round about way of saying that I look like a whore.”

“That isn’t what I meant I—” It took him a moment to realize you were teasing him. “Besides, it’s not like I look like some upstanding member of society.”

“You do though. Practically regal, even.” You gave him a playful push on the shoulder. “Smirking aside.”

You both chuckled. Whatever tension existed between you before seemed to have melted away as you talked. If only you had managed to be this open with him before he stumbled into the woods and got hurt. It seemed like you both let your secrets make you suspicious of each other.

Daylight was beginning to break, and you realized that he still hadn’t fed. The others would be waking soon. It was now or never.

“So, how do we do this?” You turned to look at him. “The uh, blood drinking.”

“I…must confess I’ve never actually drank from a person before.”

“Really?”

“Yes well, we can get into the tragic details later if you insist.” He seemed eager to move on. “Can you lie back?”

You lowered onto you back in the soft grass, your gaze fixed on his. You try to interpret the emotion in his eyes, but it seemed just as mixed up as your own—somewhere between fear, lust, and excitement.

He straddled you with a practiced ease and you wondered whether he was lying when he said he had never drank from a person before. He bared his fangs and began to lean over you before he paused and leaned back. You looked at him inquisitively, wondering why he had stopped.

“I….” He shifted his weight. “If we’re going keep this between us, a mark on your neck is going to be somewhat obvious.”

You hadn’t considered that.

“Okay….what would you suggest?”

“Well there’s your wrist, but you do need those to stay in good condition.”

You nodded. You could almost swear he was blushing.

“Which would leave….your thigh.” He let his words hang there, waiting on you to pick up the implication. You tried to recall your anatomy lessons, trying to figure out where on your thighs he would need to bite.

Oh.

“Well that’s awfully forward of you.” You cocked an eyebrow. You couldn’t say you were against the idea, but you were enjoying how shy he had suddenly gotten about it.

“The whole bloody thing is awfully forward.” His words came out in a flustered jumble. He seemed genuinely embarrassed. “I’ll just go for your neck; if the others see, they see.” He moved off you and sat to your side.

“No….thigh will be fine.” You sat up and turned to look at him.

“Tav honestly you don’t have to.”

“And I’m telling you it’s fine.” You smiled at him, hoping your words sounded as honest as you intended them. “I don’t want to put you in a position that you don’t want to be in. You can trust me—I won’t tell them.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“I…..because I’m a monster.” He let out a heavy sigh.

“You don’t look like a monster to me.”

“….There’s so much you don’t know.” His voice was barely a whisper. Whatever he wasn’t saying, it weighed on him heavily.

“Maybe you’ll trust me enough to tell me some day.” You placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He looked back at you, a confused look still on his face. You gathered that kind words weren’t something he had much experience with. “But until then, you need to eat, and I don’t want you getting into any more fights with bears.”

“I…..thank you, Tav.” You nodded and smiled.

He moved in front of you as you laid back down. He gently spread your legs apart, moving the loose fabric of your outfit away as he positioned your right leg. He held your gaze as he moved closer to you, closing his eyes when his mouth reached the delicate skin of your inner thigh. You felt his soft lips brush against you and you tried your best to stifle a moan as a wave of anticipation washed over your body.

He propped himself up on one arm while the other cautiously found its way under your thigh and onto your hip. You felt his grip tighten a split second before you felt a sharp pain as he sunk his teeth into you. You could feel his lips against your skin as he drank, a sensation unlike anything you had felt before. You hoped he couldn’t feel how your pulse was racing as he fed, just as much as you hoped he couldn’t tell how wet you were from his touch.

Time seemed to freeze in that moment. It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours. You were frozen, trying to control yourself while you took in every sensation in your body and every movement he was making. You wondered how this moment felt to him. His tightening grip and the sounds he was making told you he was enjoying himself.

You couldn’t help but let out a quiet moan.

“Mmmm?” He hummed, the sound vibrating your skin.

“Aaahh,” You tried to form words, but your head was spinning. You absentmindedly ran your fingers through his hair, gently tugging on the curls. He took one last gulp before releasing his hold on you, a trickle of blood running down your leg as he pulled away.

“Perhaps I should have prepared a bandage first…” he mused as he admired his handiwork and wiped the blood from his mouth. He looked into your eyes. Whatever expression was on your face prompted him to smirk back at you with a bemused look.

He tore a strip off his already tattered shirt, examined it for cleanliness, and then pressed it against your thigh. Your head was still swimming.

“Tav?” His voice sounded concerned.

“Mmmmm.” You tried to respond.

“Tav??” He moved his other hand to your neck, feeling your pulse. “I….may have drank a bit more than I should have.”

“Mmmmmhhmmmmmmm” you tried to nod. “So…..woozy……..”

“Yes well....Blood loss does tend to do that.” He moved your clothes back into place before taking your hand in his.

“Thank you, Tav. I won’t forget this.”

You tried to formulate a response when you were interrupted by the sound of Shadowheart faintly calling for you in the distance. It would appear that your absence was finally noticed.

Chapter Text

“Tav?” You slowly blinked as your surroundings came back into focus. Your encounter with the bear had not gone as you’d hoped, as evidenced by the searing pain in your chest and your tattered, blood-soaked clothes. Tav was kneeling over you, tears running down their face, as they focused on a healing spell that was slowly piecing you back together. “What are you…..how….”

“I know you’re pissed at me,” Their voice trembled as they spoke. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you.”

“I….” All the color had left their face, and you wondered how long they had been out here with you. You didn’t expect that they would have come looking for you at all. “What happened?”

“You lost a fight with a bear.”

“Ah,” A wave of pain washed over you, eliciting a groan. You thought for a moment about what might have happened if they hadn’t found you.

“My healing spell isn’t the best; we should really get you back to camp so Shadowheart can do this properly.”

You rose slightly so you could inspect your wounds. The claw marks had all closed, leaving some nasty bruises peeking out from your tattered shirt.

“It would appear that you’ve already done that,” You said with a frown. “Although this is going to require more than a quick mend.”

“I’d still feel better if she looked at you,” Tav replied, ending their spell with a sigh. They looked exhausted. It dawned on you that they likely didn’t get any rest.

“I’m fine, really.” You started to rise so you could return to camp, but your legs buckled under you. Pain aside, you didn’t manage to actually feed yourself during your ill-fated encounter. The hunger was making you weak.

“You seem fine.” They offered you a hand.

Your thoughts swirled. You were out here alone with them. How many times had you dreamed that something like this would happen—to have a chance to taste them? But that would mean either revealing what you are or killing them, and you didn’t particularly want to do either. If you didn’t kill them, would they let you live, knowing what you are?

You decided that you would take the risk, assuring yourself that you could always kill them later if necessary. For now, you needed your strength back.

“Tav….I need to ask you for something.”

“I can’t give you a piggy back ride back to camp.”

“Tav.” You gave them a look that you hoped would convey the gravity of the situation. “Please just….hear me out.”

“I’m listening.”

“I’m….hungry.” You felt a sense of shame at the words. The hunger always made you feel monstrous, reminding you that, definitionally, you weren’t a living person. “And it’s made me weak.” You looked down, unable to hold their gaze. You knew they wouldn’t look at you the same way ever again once you told them. The trust would be gone, replaced by the scrutinizing gaze of someone trying to decide whether a stray dog would attack. And if they couldn’t trust you, you would have to be the monster they thought you were.

“Were you…..trying to eat a bear?” They questioned.

“Yes,” You replied. “But I wasn’t strong enough. It’s been too long.”

“So….what can I do to help you?” You turned to look at them. They hadn’t shut you down, which meant that they might be willing to give you what you needed.

“I….I need a drink.” You paused, trying to find the best words. “I need blood.”

“So….the red eyes aren’t a Drow thing?”

“No….it’s….a vampire thing.” It felt odd, saying the words out loud.

“Huh.” Not the response you were expecting, but it was better than screaming. “So, the nighttime walks were…..”

“Yeah.”

“But…we walk around in the sun?”

“A pleasant side effect of our tadpoles, it would seem.” They were taking this awfully well. Then again, your other companions included a devil-sworn warlock, a tiefling from the hells, and whatever the hell Lae’zel was, so perhaps on that scale a vampire isn’t that bad.

“Does you dinner usually get the better of you?”

“I uh…..it’s a long story. Suffice it to say that I’m not used to hunting like this.” You decided not to admit that you had been living off of dungeon rats for two centuries.

“You still haven’t told me what you want from me.”

“I…well clearly I’ve been less than successful at hunting this evening. Technically I can go quite a long time without feeding, but……it would leave me weak. I wouldn’t be contributing much to the team.” You hoped appealing to their sense of comradery would help sway them.

“So, what does that mean you want?”

“Would it be possible for me to….um…..have some of your blood?” Some more of your blood, you thought, recalling their sweet taste from the night you met. The thought of tasting them again practically made your mouth water.

“How much?”

They’ll do it? You tried not to look shocked. After everything, they still trusted you enough to let you bite them.

“Just enough to get my strength back, I swear.”

“Alright.”

“Alright?” You weren’t entirely sure you weren’t dreaming.

“You can have some of my blood, but I expect you to be nicer to me after this.”

The fact that you had contemplated killing them was making you feel conflicted. You hadn’t even considered a possibility where they easily agreed. It made you feel guilty, like you were taking advantage of them. It also made you feel stupid for not trying to ask them before now.

“Tav, I….”

“And we don’t have to tell the others, if you don’t want to.”

“You’d do that?” You hadn’t considered the others. Just because Tav was okay with you being a vampire didn’t necessarily mean they all would be. “You’d keep my secret?”

“You’ve kept mine, haven’t you?”

“Well yes but….I don’t know why it’s a secret.” You couldn’t fathom how “I work at a brothel” and “I’m a blood-sucking vampire spawn” were equivalent secrets. “I mean, I’m keeping secrets so I don’t get staked in my sleep by our resident monster hunter. I don’t understand why you are telling everyone you’re just some common bard.”

“People look at you differently.” They nervously rubbed their hands. “When they know.”

“I….I suppose I understand that.” You were doing the same thing, after all. Of course you understood. Perhaps their secret wouldn’t result in people attacking them, but it would certainly change how people would interact with them. You were glad now that you were able to tell Tav honestly what you were, rather than them finding out by accident.

“I’m still trying to figure out how you knew.”

“It isn’t everyday that someone comes across someone like you in Baldur’s Gate.” The look on their face suggested they didn’t think that was as flattering as you had intended it to be. “I only wish that we had been more formally introduced.”

“But how did you know? Were you…a client?”

“Oh heavens no.” You ran a hand through your hair, trying to piece together a plausible story that had enough of the truth in it. “However, having seen you, radiantly gorgeous as you are, dressed somewhat….provocatively, shall we say, in the general vicinity of an establishment named for a goddess of hedonistic pleasure, well……”

“Ouch.” They gestured dramatically. “That’s an awfully round about way of saying that I look like a whore.”

“That isn’t what I meant I—” There wasn’t really a better way you could have said that, even if you did tell them the whole truth. Mercifully, they didn’t look upset. “Besides, it’s not like I look like some upstanding member of society.”

“You do though. Practically regal, even.” You didn’t recall enough about your face to know how much of that was a joke. You hoped it was mostly true. “Smirking aside.”

You both chuckled. You felt relieved. You had never told anyone what you were before. You never expected that someone could know the truth and not immediately attack you. They weren’t treating you any differently at all. You looked at them, a world of new possibilities opening up in front of you. They really did trust you. And you felt like you could trust them, at least a little.

“So, how do we do this?” They asked, breaking you out of your own thoughts. “The uh, blood drinking.”

Right, that. You had thought about this exact situation many times before—about how you would want to drink from someone, from Tav specifically. But now that you had the opportunity to actually do it, your mind was blank.

“I…must confess I’ve never actually drank from a person before.”

“Really?”

“Yes well, we can get into the tragic details later if you insist.” You felt like an embarrassed schoolboy all of a sudden. You decided to go for the classic—a bite on the neck. “Can you lie back?”

They complied, holding your gaze as they lowered onto their back in the grass. You recalled the last time they had looked at you like this and a wave of hunger and lust fell over you.

You straddled them, baring your fangs, anticipation building in your core. You started to lean over them when you realized you were hungry for more than just their blood. If you positioned yourself like this, you wouldn’t be able to hide your arousal from them. You paused, trying to decipher whether that would be a welcome feeling for them. Going for the throat had already gone poorly for you once tonight.

They were looking up at you inquisitively, their eyes eager. The look in their eyes suggested that something more than blood drinking wouldn’t be out of the question, but you didn’t really want to start that with dry humping.

“I….” You shifted your weight back. “If we’re going keep this between us, a mark on your neck is going to be somewhat obvious.”

“Okay….what would you suggest?”

Your mind raced with possibilities.

“Well there’s you wrist, but you do need those to stay in good condition.” They nodded in agreement.

“Which would leave….your thigh.” You hoped you had shifted far enough back that they didn’t feel you stiffen. If there was one way to know whether they would be interested in further advances, biting their inner thigh would certainly tell you everything you wanted to know.

“Well that’s awfully forward of you.” They cocked an eyebrow at you. You couldn’t read their tone.

“The whole bloody thing is awfully forward.” You panicked, worried that you may have moved too quickly. “I’ll just go for your neck; if the others see, they see.” You took the opportunity to move off of them, attempting to make more room in your trousers as you did.

“No….thigh will be fine.”

“Tav honestly you don’t have to.”

“And I’m telling you it’s fine.” They smiled at you as they spoke, the eagerness still in their eyes. “I don’t want to put you in a position that you don’t want to be in. You can trust me—I won’t tell them.”

They were going to give you everything you asked for, just like that. You weren’t really sure how to take it.

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“I…..because I’m a monster.” You sighed. You felt tangled in knots again. Everything you wanted was sitting there on a platter. Why couldn’t you just take it?

“You don’t look like a monster to me.”

“….There’s so much you don’t know.” You remembered that night on the beach, how close you came to killing them, directly or indirectly. You wondered if they would be this willing if they remembered that night. The thought made you feel guilty.

“Maybe you’ll trust me enough to tell me some day.” They placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “But until then, you need to eat, and I don’t want you getting into any more fights with bears.”

“I…..thank you, Tav.” You decided the guilt was a fair price to pay for what you were about to experience.

They laid back down, their eyes still locked on yours. You positioned yourself between their legs and exposed the pale skin of their thigh. You watched them breathing steadily as the anticipation built. They were yours.

You pressed your lips against the soft skin of their thigh, eliciting a moan that made you wish you could taste more than their blood. You steadied them with a grip on their hip, bearing your fangs as you decided where to place your first mark.

You sank your teeth into them, swallowing hungrily as their rapid pulse filled your mouth with their taste. You tightened your grip on them as your cock twitched. Their clothes barely covered the wetness gathering between their legs. You hoped you would have enough time before sunrise to indulge yourself, but for now you were content to sate your hunger. Their taste was intoxicating, causing you to moan hungrily as you drank.

You weren’t sure how long you had been draining them, but their weakening pulse and soft moans suggested it had been a while.

“Aaahh,” They tried to say something as they ran a hand through your hair. You forced yourself to stop drinking, taking in one last gulp before you pulled away. You wiped a trickle of their blood from your mouth. As difficult as it was to pull away, you felt it was better to make sure Tav would live to be drunk another day.

“Perhaps I should have prepared a bandage first…” They were looking up at you with the eager eyes of a lover who hadn’t had enough, but it looked like they could barely hold their head up. Between their magic and their blood, you had completely drained them of energy.

You tore a piece of cloth from your shirt to use as a bandage, deciding that any further indulgence would have to wait for another night.

“Tav?”

“Mmmmm.” Their eyes were fluttering shut. You had hoped they had enough energy left to get back to camp, but it was looking like that wasn’t the case.

“Tav??” You checked their pulse. It was weak, but steady. They just needed a good rest. “I….may have drank a bit more than I should have.”

“Mmmmmhhmmmmmmm” Their head lolled to the side in a weak nod. “So…..woozy……..”

“Blood loss does tend to do that.” You’d never seen Tav like this; they were so comfortable, so vulnerable. You could have just killed them and they didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Did they feel that safe with you?

You recalled the bruises they had when you first met. You thought to yourself that Tav’s kindness—or perhaps naivety—seemed to put them in situations where they got hurt. After all, they were nearly unconscious right now because they had shown kindness to you at their own expense.

You took their hand in yours as you tried to sort out how you felt about everything. Tav’s trust would certainly work to your advantage for as long as you could maintain it, but the idea of taking advantage of it made you feel conflicted. And the idea of anyone else taking advantage of it made your blood boil.

“Thank you, Tav. I won’t forget this.”

You spent a moment taking in their contented expression as they dozed off, only to hear Shadowheart approaching from the woods.

“What in the nine hells happened out here?”

You realized that kneeling in a pool of blood with Tav out cold wasn’t a great look.

“I uh…ran into a bear.”

“A bear?” Shadowheart crossed her arms as she took in the scene.

“Three bears, actually, thought I had initially only seen the one. They weren’t happy that my walk interrupted their nap.”

“Okay, then what happened to Tav?”

“They….came looking for me.” You said, you voice softer than you had anticipated. “They found me collapsed out here, and they used a healing spell to bring me back.”

“So why are they unconscious?” Shadowheart didn’t seem to appreciate the moment you were having.

“Too much spell,” Tav mumbled, eyes blinking rapidly as they tried to rouse themselves. “Not enough sleep.”

You were grateful they were still awake enough to help make sure no one—particularly you—got maced, and even more grateful that they seemed to be keeping their promise to not tell the others the real reason they were so spent.

“Next time I’m leaving the healing spells to you.” Tav said through a yawn.

“Why didn’t you come wake me?” Shadowheart had knelt next to them now, checking them for injuries.

“He was bleeding out, i honestly just sort of reacted on instinct.” Tav protested. They shot a quick glance at you as they pressed their thighs closer together to hide the bloodied scrap of shirt you had used as a bandage.

“Are you pleased with yourself, Astarion? Putting others at risk because you are too stupid not to walk up to bears?” Shadowheart glared at you, clearly blaming you for Tav’s condition.

“Well the situation is a bit more complicated than that.” You protested. “I promise from now on I will stay closer to camp.”

“Good, you had everyone worried sick.” She huffed. “Worried for Tav, I mean.” Ouch.

“I think we need to start using the buddy system.” Tav suggested with a mischievous smirk.

“Excuse you, I do not require supervision.” You retorted. You were rethinking some of your kinder thoughts about them.

“Now Astarion, which of us needed to be rescued tonight?” They looked at you expectantly.

“…..me.”

You might have their trust, but that didn’t mean you were in control in this situation. If anything, knowing your secret put them in a stronger position.

Hells.

Chapter Text

You knelt between the pale drow’s legs. Your gaze passed over each pair of fang marks that lined the inside of each of their thighs—marks that you placed there, one night at a time. The first set had been placed midway down, but each subsequent feeding had you moving closer and closer.

Their gaze followed you eagerly, the anticipation mounting in their body evidenced by the rapid rise and fall of their chest.

After the first time, when Tav brought you back from the brink twice in one night, you had tried to go back to hunting game. But your heart was no longer in it. A rabbit or a squirrel or even a boar just wasn’t the same as fresh Drow blood. That much wasn’t a surprise.

What was a surprise was that blood being offered to you freely.

Not long after your unfortunate hunting accident, you had started to head out for your usual “walk” after dinner when Tav volunteered to go with you. “I have to protect you from the bears,” they said. You had barely gone beyond earshot of camp when they had offered themselves to you.

And they did the same thing the following night, and the night after that.

“Is something wrong?” Tav asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

“No, just…thinking a bit I suppose.” As much as you were enjoying your fresh meals, you still hadn’t pinned down what Tav’s goal was. It made you nervous.

Tav sat up so that you were eye to eye. You must have been making a face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” They said, head cocked to the side.

“Do you ever have a solution to anything that isn’t talking about it?” Your tone was joking, but Tav was awfully insistent about talking about anything they perceived to be an issue. You had already told them so much more than you had ever planned on—about being a spawn and not a proper vampire, about how little of yourself you remembered from before, hells, the fact that you were a vampire in the first place.

“Don’t tell me you’re already bored of having the same thing for dinner every night?” They said, their voice dripping with faux drama and a mischievous smile across their face. They were enjoying your dependency on them far too much.

You rolled your eyes before pushing them back down.

“Well, perhaps if my dinner didn’t talk so much.” You returned to your position between their legs. “And if they weren’t so obvious when they left camp to where people are asking me when I’m going to make an honest bard out of you.”

“They are not.” They pouted.

“They may as bloody well be.” You protested in response. Their grin had fallen into a slight frown. Perhaps your tone had come across too strongly. “What I mean is….I’ve seen the eyebrow raises and knowing glances between some of the others. Are you okay with them thinking that we….”

“That we’re fucking?” They finished nonchalantly. “They can think whatever they want; it isn’t their business.” Their frown deepened. “Unless it’s a problem for you?”

“No, I’m just…..I know you care a lot about how they think about you.” You were starting to regret saying anything. Somehow anytime you had a conversation you opened up more than you had planned. All they had to do was look at you with those soft red eyes and before you knew what was happening you were tripping over your own words as your thoughts tumbled out. “I don’t want to ruin that for you.”

“Astarion, you aren’t ruining anything.” They smiled at you gently. “I told you, I’m doing this because I want to.”

But why? Why do you want this?

“Well, I’m certainly ruining your skin.” You deflected. “You’re starting to look like a pin cushion.”

They sat up again to examine their thighs. Their hand brushed against yours, making you realize that you had been holding their legs open this entire time without being conscious of it. Tav didn’t seem to notice either.

“I suppose you are starting to run out of room.” They mused, running their fingers along the marks. They seemed to spend more time on the faint marks from the first night. “Do you want to try somewhere else? I did pick up a scarf from a trader.”

The thought of sinking your teeth into their neck was certainly appealing, but that wouldn’t solve your other problem of not wanting it to be quite so obvious that you were enjoying Tav’s company in more ways than one.

You weren’t sure why you were bothering with the pretense that this wasn’t somehow sexual at this point. At first, you had both tried to hide it. But as time went on, the stifled moans had gotten louder. Neither of you had made a move beyond that, other than hastily excusing yourself after you had finished your meal so that you could find some relief in your own company. You had caught glimpses of Tav doing the same in their bedroll.

“And if I can make one other request?” Tav asked. You weren’t really in a position to deny them anything.

“Of course.”

“Do I have to be laying down? All this time on my back in the dirt is starting to hurt.” You have to admit you did enjoy the view from your usual position, but it wasn’t exactly a feather bed out here.

“Why didn’t you say so before? Here.” You gestured for them to sit up and then positioned yourself behind them. You unbuckled the top of their armor and placed it on the ground, exposing their bare shoulders to the dappled moonlight of the forest. They shivered as you ran your hand along their neck, feeling for the right spot.

“Is this okay?” You whispered into their ear. They let out a needy moan in response. They might hold most of the cards, but in these moments, you were in control.

You plunged your fangs into the crook of their neck. Tav gasped in response as their blood filled your mouth. As you drank, you wrapped a hand around their waist and pulled their body closer to yours.

“Astarion.” They moaned breathily, their head lolled back. You held them tighter in response.

They reached back and threaded their fingers through your hair. You loved the sensation of their hand on you, but you had come to learn that they weren’t afraid to pull your hair out if you didn’t stop drinking when they wanted you to. You took a final gulp as they began to twirl a strand of hair around their finger.

“Was that easier on your back?” You asked, still holding their body to yours.

“Mmmmm. Better.” They had leaned all their weight against you, content to have you hold you both up. “I could still go for a night in a proper bed though.”

“Couldn’t we all.” You said flatly. “Perhaps if someone didn’t volunteer us to go help everyone in the countryside we crossed paths with, we could be somewhere with proper beds by now.” That was a risky comment for someone in hair pulling range, but Tav seemed content to let it slide.

You sat in silence for a while, your bodies still pressed together. They had lowered their arm, choosing instead to interlace their fingers with yours, keeping you from moving the arm that was holding them.

Your body was still but your mind was racing. It wasn’t like Tav to sit quietly anywhere, much less here, like this. You found yourself getting flustered by the sheer intimacy of the moment—not sexual intimacy, as the two of you had so often danced along the edge of—but emotional intimacy. Just being. Unfortunately that was the kind you didn’t have the best handle on, especially when you weren’t really sure what Tav wanted from you. At any moment, they could decide to reveal your secret to the others, or to stop letting you drink from them every night. But they didn’t. And they never asked for anything else from you.

For once, you wished they wanted to talk about something.

“Tav…” Your voice came out as a whisper as you hesitated to break the stillness around you.

“Mmm?”

“Is….is everything alright?”

“In general? Absolutely not.” They gave your hand a firm squeeze. “But it’s okay enough for right now.”

Chapter Text

“And just where do you think you’re going?”

You froze in your tracks. You thought the others had all bedded down for the night, providing you an opportunity to sneak out for your nightly engagement with Astarion. But apparently Shadowheart wasn’t as asleep as she had looked.

“Oh uh….just going to stretch my legs a bit before bed, nothing major.” You turned to face her. She was staring at you with her arms crossed, one eyebrow raised. She knew you were up to something.

“Really? And the fact that Astarion headed out on his walk a few minutes ago is purely coincidence?”

Shit.

“Yep, totally.”

She sighed as she rose from her bed, gesturing for you to keep walking. The two of you perched on some boxes overlooking the river. The sound of the quiet waves was in stark contrast to your rapid pulse. Shadowheart was naturally suspicious, and you worried that if she pressed too much you would inadvertently reveal Astarion’s secret. You had already taken to humming tunes to yourself anytime you were around your companions, just in case their tadpoles got a little too curious. A Sharran inquisition would be more than enough to break you.

“So….is it good?”

“Is what good?”

“Tav, you’ve been sneaking out with him every night for over a week. Clearly you must be doing something that you’re enjoying.”

“Honestly, we’re mostly just talking.”

“Mostly?”

“Well….” You took a deep breath in. There was no way she was ever going to buy that there wasn’t something else going on. “It’s just…..the nights are long out here, and the rest of you need so much more sleep than we do, so….”

“So you decided to screw the least trustworthy member of the group?” She frowned.

“And here I thought Lae’zel was your least favorite.”

“Lae’zel is consistent.” The look on her face was serious—she was genuinely worried about you. “Astarion…..I don’t know. There’s something he isn’t telling us. Think about it, shouldn’t we have heard something about his work as a magistrate if he is who he says he is?”

You of course knew that when he said that he was a magistrate in Baldur’s Gate, he really did mean that in the past tense. He hadn’t been involved in the city’s governance in two centuries, not since he was turned.

“I don’t know about you, but the goings-on of the city council weren’t top of mind for me.” You waved a hand dismissively.

“Still, there’s more to him, I can feel it.”

“Says the lady of secrets.”

“Which is how I know.”

“What do you expect me to say?”

“I don’t know.” She looked down and began tracing circles in the dirt. “That you’re being careful. That he isn’t using you.”

You trusted Shadowheart a great deal—and she had begun to trust you in turn, revealing details about her worship and her secretive life in the city. Apparently that trust also came with a protectiveness that you hadn’t anticipated. It would be heartwarming if it didn't have the potential to get Astarion killed.

“Shadowheart, I appreciate you trying to look after me, I really do.” She started to say something, but you kept going. “I…I think I’m just enjoying the attention, that’s all.”

You were enjoying it, more than you wanted to admit. The way he hungered for you, in the literal sense, made you feel needed. You told yourself that this was just to keep him safe, just to protect his secret, but the way you felt with him was unlike anything you had ever experienced.

Plenty of people had told you that they needed you in your line of work, but they didn’t look at you like he did. When they looked at you, they saw their fantasies. They saw a Drow, a Lolthite, a brutal Matriarch. They saw a body that could fit the shape from their dreams, turning it into a reality for a few hours at a time.

They weren’t interested in you.

But Astarion was.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Shadowheart was right, he wasn’t always trustworthy. He lied as naturally as breathing and didn’t care who he hurt in the process. He laid on flirtatious compliments and pet names without batting an eye. From the outside, anyone would think that he was manipulating you. It was a classic tale—a worldly noble takes advantage of an innocent, starry-eyed bard.

But they didn’t hear the sounds he made every night. They didn’t feel his grip tighten as he drank you in, desperate for more. They didn’t know what their names sounded like whispered against their own skin like a prayer.

“Fine.” She stood and started walking back towards camp. “But the second he does something wrong, I’ll castrate him myself.”

“Tav…” He whispered, breaking the silence that had fallen around you. You had been sitting wrapped in his arms for a while following tonight’s feeding.

“Mmm?”

“Is….is everything alright?” He sounded concerned. You weren’t hiding your feelings as well as you had hoped. The doubts that Shadowheart has expressed were weighing on you.

“In general? Absolutely not.” You looked towards your intertwined fingers and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “But it’s okay enough for right now.”

One thought kept echoing through your head.

Can I trust that this is real?

Chapter Text

“Do you recall how I said I wasn’t accustomed to sleeping in the dirt?” Astarion asked as he swatted away a horsefly.

“Yeah?” You answered. He hadn’t been particularly keen on today’s adventure into the swamplands, and he wasn’t being quiet about his displeasure.

“This is worse. By far.” He stepped into a patch of mud with a wet squelch as it sunk around his boot. “Why do I still follow you around?”

“My winning personality?” He glared at you in response as he struggled to take another step. Wyll stopped to help him dislodge his foot, only for him to immediately get stuck again. Shadowheart stifled a chuckle as she watched him struggle.

“C’mon Astarion, it’s not so bad out here.” Wyll added in his usual optimistic tone. “Besides, we’re lucky Shadowheart picked up on the enchantment. At least we can see how gross it is rather than falling into it unwittingly.”

“Perhaps, but that does not change the fact that it is gross.” He scowled. “Gods I need a bath.”

“Speaking of needing a bath, do any of you smell that?” Shadowheart frowned and held her nose as an atrocious smell of metal and sweets wafted over you.

“Pardon me, travelers!” A voice called out from deeper into the forest. A man stepped out a moment later, bringing the stench with him. “Oh, forgive the smell—keeps monsters away. Can never be too careful in these parts.”

“A clever trick!” Wyll nodded approvingly. “Well met stranger, what brings you out into these woods?”

The smell of the man’s monster ward was starting to give you a headache. You were surprised that Astarion hadn’t commented on it. You turned towards him to see if he was suffering the same way you were, only to find him frozen in place, his eyes wide as he took in the stranger.

“Oh I’m on the hunt for a particular monster. Haven’t had much luck, so I’m seeking out the hag of these woods.” The man moved closer as he engaged Wyll.

“A hag?” Wyll cocked his head inquisitively. “Surely a hag is a worse monster than whatever you’re hunting, friend.”

“Normally I would agree with you,” The man sighed. “But this monster—a vampire spawn—stole a group of children from our clan some months ago. We’re hoping that if we can capture it alive, we could rescue them.”

You heard Shadowheart take a sharp inhale in, seemingly in pain. You turned to see what had happened to her. From the corner of your eye, you saw Astarion quietly unsheathe his knife.

“A vampire spawn?” Wyll questioned. “I thought vampires tended to prefer urban environments? Is there really one this far out?”

“Normally yes, but the head of our clan got word that this one, a particularly nasty piece of work that goes by the name Astarion, recently flew the proverbial coop and left the city.”

Gods no.

“Astarion?” Are you sure?” Shadowheart asked, her arms folded.

“Positive. A group of spawn attacked our camp at nightfall—they all called each other by name. While the others fought our warriors, the one they called Astarion snuck in and stole our children from their beds while they screamed. Some of the women who were nearby said they heard him laugh.” The man balled a fist. “It isn’t natural—vampires are monsters, but a coordinated attack like that isn’t their usual method. Our leader wants to know why.”

Your heart sank. Astarion had told you that there was a lot that you didn’t know, but you hadn’t expected it to include kidnapping children. You recalled what he had told you about spawn—that their master had the power to compel them to do anything. You hoped this was one of those cases.

A terrible thought crossed your mind.

Was what he told me true?

“But don’t spawn have to obey their master’s orders?” You questioned the man, hoping he would corroborate what Astarion had told you. Shadowheart raised an eyebrow at you. “Why go after the spawn and not the vampire himself?”

“Believe me, if we thought we could get our hands on the master we would.” The man frowned. “This spawn being away from the nest is our only shot at answers. That’s also why I have strict orders to capture, not kill.”

“Seems like it’s the spawn’s lucky day.” Wyll grimaced as he shot a glance at you.

“Indeed it is.” Before you realized what was happening, Astarion had moved past you and plunged his dagger into the man’s eye. The man fell backwards, but his screams were cut short as Astarion slit his throat.

Shadowheart and Wyll turned to look at you, their hands on their weapons. You gestured towards them to hold still.

Astarion was standing stock still with his back to you. You approached him cautiously, walking around him until you were face to face. He didn’t seem to notice you were there. Blood dripped slowly from his pale face, his expression frozen in a look of sheer terror. He blinked as he realized you were there.

“My apologies, Tav.” His voice didn’t convey any of the emotion you had just seen on his face. “I couldn’t bear to listen to any more of that Gur’s lies.”

“Are we, well, you know, safe?” Gale questioned.

The group had returned to camp after your encounter with the monster hunter and the hag. Astarion had gone out hunting shortly after, skipping dinner entirely. Wyll and Shadowheart took the opportunity to convey the day’s events to the others.

“What part of anything that has happened to us recently is safe?” Karlach responded.

“Easy for you to say—you’re too hot to bite.” Gale added. “It’s the rest of us that might wake up with teeth in our necks.”

“If that were going to happen, don’t you think it would have by now?” Shadowheart shot you a look as she spoke. It would seem that she finally figured out what you were spending your evenings doing.

“Tav was right about spawn having to obey their masters.” Wyll nodded sagely. “If that man was right and it was our Astarion, he may not have had a choice in the matter.”

“Well given that the man is now dead because Astarion killed him, I think we can assume that it was our Astarion.” Lae’zel grumbled.

You were sitting there in a daze. Given everyone’s shock, you had apparently done a good job of keeping Astarion’s secret from them.

Now you wondered whether that was the right thing to do.

You wanted to talk to him about it, to get his side of the story, to hear his explanation of why he killed a man in cold blood and then proceeded through the rest of the day as if it hadn’t happened. You wanted to ask him why he had looked so completely terrified.

But you were stuck here having dinner with a group of people who were deciding whether they wanted to introduce him to the pointy end of a stake.

“Tav?” Shadowheart waved a hand in front of you. You must have been lost in your own thoughts.

“Yes?”

“I said, what do you think we should do?”

“About?”

“About Astarion.” She frowned.

“Well….the man’s story was horrible.” They were all looking at you, various expressions of anger and skepticism on their faces. “I mean….kidnapping children? And laughing about it? I can understand why they would want to try to find him.”

You paused, trying to consider your words carefully. You could tell them Astarion seemed to be acting out of fear and encourage them to try to see it from his perspective, but you weren’t sure he would want you to tell them everything he had told you. You weren’t even sure if everything he had told you was true.

Perhaps he had spun you a web for just such an occasion as this, twisting you around his finger so that you would defend him. Would he be as quick to kill you if he felt he needed to?

You recalled all the nights you had spent together and the way he had held you. The thought that it could have all been fake made your stomach twist in knots.

“I don’t think he did any of it by choice.” Your voice was quiet as you spoke.

“I think we can all agree that we have things in our past that we would rather not talk about.” Shadowheart added, noticing your discomfort. “And I think we can also agree that if anyone showed up looking to capture any of us, we wouldn’t stand for it.”

“Hells, we already did that once.” Karlach nodded appreciatively at Wyll.

“Precisely.” Gale added. “So, the more important question is whether Astarion is a danger to us now, not whether he may have been in the past.”

“I think that’s a question we have to ask him.” You stood and walked towards the woods. The others started to follow you, but Shadowheart shook her head at them.

You needed to do this alone.

Chapter Text

“Well given that the man is now dead because Astarion killed him, I think we can assume that it was our Astarion.” You heard Lae’zel’s voice as you began to approach camp. As you had expected, they were all gathered around talking about you. Your secret was out of the bag. They all knew that you were a vampire spawn—a monster.

You decided to stay hidden in the tree line. They all had their weapons close by, and it seemed that they were waiting on Tav to make a decision about your fate. You hoped that the time you had spent with them was enough for them to want to sway everyone to your side. You wished that you had taken the time to talk to them alone before you all returned to camp, but those damned redcaps had fallen upon you before the Gur’s body was even cold.

Their voices went quiet for a moment, and you strained to hear their discussion without revealing your presence. Then you heard Tav’s voice rise above the others.

“Well….the man’s story was horrible. I mean….kidnapping children? And laughing about it? I can understand why they would want to try to find him.”

Your face twisted into a scowl. Did Tav honestly think that you should have had a polite chat with a man who had come to capture you? Who was willing to enlist the help of a hag to find you? You knew in your gut that Cazador had to be behind this somehow. No one else would be so insistent on bringing you back alive.

You turned and headed deeper into the woods. Your mind raced, torn between your fear that Cazador would send others after you and your heartache that Tav seemed so quick to doubt you. You questioned why they had kept your secret from the others if they cared so little for your safety.

Your brow furrowed as you sank deeper into your thoughts. You were so occupied with considering what your next move should be that you didn’t notice someone had come up behind you until they grabbed your hand.

“Are you okay?” Tav looked at you, an expression of worry on their face.

“I’m fine.” You huffed. You tried to pull your hand away, leading Tav to hold tighter. “Can I help you with something?”

“What’s going on with you?” Their pale red eyes were locked on yours.

“What’s going on with me?” You scoffed. “I’m not the one suggesting that we should be friends with people who come to capture us.” The betrayal you felt bled into your words like venom.

“What are you talking about?” Tav looked at you incredulously.

“Oh, so you didn’t just tell everyone that you understood where the Gur was coming from when he showed up to take me back to Cazador?”

“Cazador?”

“Yes, Cazador.” You snapped. “You know, the one who enslaved me for two centuries? The one who has surely noticed that I’ve gone missing? That Cazador?”

“Yes, I know. You told me.” Tav took a deep breath. You could see that they were trying to avoid a fight, but you weren’t making it easy for them. They maintained their firm grip on your hand. “But what does that have to do with a monster hunter showing up in the woods.”

“Who the bloody hells else would send a Gur after me?”

“I don’t know, Astarion. If someone showed up and stole my kids, I don’t think I would need to be sent by anybody.” Their tone was even, but there was a twinge of disappointment. The Gur’s story had shaken their trust in you.

“Do you really believe that I would do such a thing?”

“I believed you when you told me that Cazador could compel you to do awful things.” You could see the pain in their face. They didn’t want to see you as a monster. “Did he?”

You had gotten by so far with vague allusions to what you did for Cazador. You didn’t want to raise questions in their mind about whether you were manipulating them like you had countless others. You told yourself that you needed them to trust you to protect you from the others in camp, but the pit in your stomach reminded you that there was more to it than that than you cared to admit.

“He did….myself and a handful of my siblings.” They cocked an eyebrow. “The other spawn, I mean. Cazador called us his children.” Your head fell. Your relationship with your siblings was not a happy one.

“Why?”

“Because he’s a sick bastard who enjoys causing suffering?” You snapped. Tav looked at you with pity in their eyes. It made you nauseous. “Tav I….I just need you to trust me. The Gur being around is never a good sign.”

“What do you have against Gur? Aren’t they just nomads?”

“Just nomads? Nomads that break every law and ordinance in Baldur’s Gate when they come through.” You frowned. “They aren’t too fond of being told that, either.”

“Had a lot of trouble in the magistrate’s court?”

“Yes.” Your blood boiled at the memory. “They killed me for it.”

Tav blinked at you incredulously.

“Beaten, if it matters.” They squeezed your hand, keeping you from falling too deep into your thoughts. “That’s when Cazador showed up. He offered me a way to live. He didn’t say it would be as a slave.”

“Astarion, I……”

“Please.” You swallowed, trying to steady your emotions. “It’s in the past now. Thanks to this tadpole, I’m free.”

“But you think Cazador is looking for you?”

“I know he is. I’m…I was his favorite toy. He said the others didn’t scream as sweetly as I did when he tortured us.” You felt Tav squeeze your hand again. You wanted to collapse into their arms and sob as the memories of your last two centuries swirled in your mind. Now that you were free of Cazador, nothing scared you more than the thought of ending up back there.

“Then we’ll have to find a way to make your freedom permanent.” Tav held your gaze. They were serious.

“He’ll never stop, you know.”

“Neither will we.”

Chapter Text

Things weren’t going particularly well for Team Tadpole.

Your merry band of misfits all had a lot of personal issues going on. Wyll’s patron was mad at him for not killing Karlach. Karlach was on the verge of exploding. No one could tell when Shadowheart was being purposefully edgy or just an amnesiac. Lae’zal couldn’t understand why walking directly into a Githyanki creche was perhaps a bad idea for a group of people who were predominantly not Githyanki. Gale was cursed to eat magic shoes on a regular basis because he fucked up a gift for his ex, the literal goddess of magic.

Despite all those issues, at the moment they were mostly concerned with whether Astarion, your resident vampire spawn, was going to drain them in their sleep. He wasn’t.

He was too busy drinking from you.

While his impromptu murder of a monster hunter hadn’t inspired a lot of trust, everyone agreed that the most important task of the moment was finding a way to rid yourselves of your Illithid stowaways before anyone sprouted tentacles. Unfortunately, you weren’t having much success there either. Every healer you had come across was unable to do anything about the parasites slowly burying themselves in your brains. Your best lead so far was an archdruid, but he was of course being held captive in a stronghold of goblin cultists.

Or at least, you hoped he was still being held captive and hadn’t been served up as dinner.

Entering the stronghold had proven an easier task than you had anticipated. The guards outside saw that you were a Drow and started bowing and scraping like you were an authority figure. They also seemed afraid that you were going to flay them. The assumption that your first instinct as a Drow was to enact cruelty on them made you uncomfortable, but it did seem easier to go along with it than try to fight your way to the druid.

So, your group found themselves in a former temple of Selune that had been converted to a goblin fortress. You assumed your druid was being held in the dungeon, but to get there you would have to make your way past a horde of goblins.

As luck would have it, the goblins were mostly wasted and what few braincells they still had up and running were enough to tell them they should be afraid of you, so you were able to enter the main hall with no danger to yourselves other than stepping in goblin puke.

“Ahhh, the smell of debauchery in the air.” Astarion smirked as he threw his arms wide dramatically.

“It’s not quite a hells party but it is certainly something.” Karlach mused.

“Don’t tell me this is your kind of party, Astarion?” Shadowheart questioned. Ever since she found out what was going on between you and Astarion, she had taken to picking on him at every opportunity.

“Well….it does lack a certain glamour.” He frowned as he examined the goblin’s taste in decor. “But a handful of drunken Baldurian Patriars wouldn’t be too out of place here.”

Shadowheart was about to respond, but a blood-curdling scream rose over the din of noise to echo through the chamber.

“Is someone being tortured?” Karlach looked around, trying to find where the noise had come from. She changed off, leaving the other three of you to scurry after her.

When you caught up with her, she was peeking into an open doorway.

“Shhhh….there’s some kind of torture chamber in here.” She whispered as the group huddled in the shadows. “We have to rescue whoever they have in here, they may have seen our druid.”

Just then, a young human stumbled out of the room with a dazed look on his face. You recognized the expression—it was the same one many of your “guests” would have as they left Sharess’ Caress after a long evening.

“Karlach, I don’t think it’s—” You tried to interject, but she had already grabbed the bewildered man and pinned him to the wall.

“What? Is this part of it? I thought it was over once I said pumpernickle?” The man protested.

“Now now, if you want a turn, all you have to do is ask.” A slender man wearing a dramatic collared outfit was standing in the doorway. The dim candlelight cast flickering shadows over his scarred skin.

Karlach released her hold on the man, dropping him to the floor. She leered at the man in the doorway as she stood head and shoulders above him.

“Are you more faithful who have come to beg penance from the Maiden of Pain?”

“Maiden of Pain….” Shadowheart folded her arms as she examined the man, trying to identify his order. “Are you a Loviatan?”

“Ahh, you know her? Splendid! That does save me my usual explanation.” He sighed and shook his head. “I was asked here to help assist these goblins with their techniques, but they do not seem to grasp the complexity of Loviatar’s rituals.”

“With what techniques?” Astarion asked, his eyebrow raised inquisitively.

“Torture.” Shadowheart said flatly. “Loviatar only answers prayers offered to her in blood.”

“Torture is such an ugly word for it.” The man waved his hand dismissively. “Loviatar is the goddess of pain, in all of its exquisite forms. She may not particularly care if her penance is doled out to…reluctant…worshipers, but in my experience as a priest, I’ve found that the most beautiful prayers come from the lips of those who truly enjoy their penance.” His eyes met yours; you could tell he was trying to gauge your interest.

The clergy of Loviatar were somewhat infamous in your line of work. The kinds of elaborate rituals that they would perform would make anything you ever did with a client look positively mundane. You had to admit, it was an intriguing idea. You generally only had the opportunity to give out punishment, not take it, and who better to entrust your penance to than a master of the form?

There was, however, the matter of your companions. You weren’t sure how they would feel about you participating in such an activity voluntarily while you were technically supposed to be on a rescue mission. There was also the matter of Astarion. The two of you had been fairly intimate to facilitate his hunger for blood, though it had never progressed past that. You also weren’t sure if his history with Cazador would make this an uncomfortable situation for him. Perhaps this particular bucket list item would be best skipped for now.

“Forgive my manners.” The priest smirked at you knowingly as he held your gaze. “My name is Abdirak. I haven’t seen many non-goblins during my time here. You are a welcome respite from their primitive approach to pain.”

“I’m sorry, are we ranking types of pain now?” Karlach frowned. This was clearly not her cup of tea.

“Oh, now that sounds like fun.” Astarion cooed. Perhaps he was more interested in this than you had anticipated.

“How refreshing it is to be in the company of those who understand the value of Loviatar’s Love.” Abdirak sighed. “I must admit, it has been too long since I offered a proper penance of my own.” He turned towards you as he spoke. “There’s a shortage qualified individuals around here, and I’ve always found that penance is more effective under proper supervision.”

Gods damn it. Even a priest of the goddess of torture wants to bottom.

“Tell me, if one of us helped you with this…penance.” Shadowheart still looked skeptical as she spoke. “Would you be willing to tell us more about the cultists here?”

“Oh, I do love a good torture for information.” Astarion looked…excited? You couldn’t tell whether it was genuine or he was just trying to maintain his reputation in front of Shadowheart and Karlach.

“An intriguing offer.” Abdirak placed his hand on his chin thoughtfully. “I think if I were able to give and receive penance, I would have some time left over to discuss the cult.”

Such a greedy switch.

“And just who do you think needs to receive penance?” Astarion placed his hands on his hips. There was a tension in his voice. You needed to make sure he wasn’t picked to receive.

“I believe I could handle both roles.” You volunteered. Abdirak’s face lit up—clearly you had been his first choice. He extended a hand towards you to lead you into his chamber.

“Now wait just a moment.” Astarion protested. “What exactly are you going to be doing with them?”

“That will be up to the Maiden of Pain to decide.”

You had to hand it to Abdirak—he had a very solid set-up. All his equipment was meticulously maintained and organized with care. He asked you to start his penance with the whip—a nine-tailed scourge with barbed tips that felt heavy in your hands. It was a bit more extreme that what your clients generally had a taste for, but you were a quick learner.

You soon had him moaning his prayers with delight as the deep red welts developed on his exposed back. He tried to say he was done after eight lashes—but he had agreed to nine and had yet to utter your agreed upon words. Perhaps he wanted to test your commitment, or perhaps he was the type who liked to be pushed ever so slightly past his limits. Either way, you delivered your final strike harder than the last. He screamed his thanks, both to you and to Loviatar.

“Something tells me you’ve done that before.” He chuckled breathlessly. You handed him a cup of water before turning to prepare ointment for his wounds. He raised his eyebrow at you. “Okay, now I know you have.”

“What comes after is just as important as what happens during.” You said with a practiced patience as you tended to his back.

“A beautiful phrase. Loviatar reminds us that we must tend to each other so that we can endure more pain for her in the future.” He smiled at you. “Tell me, who do you serve? Your technique was…different, from what I’m used to.”

You paused for a moment to consider your answer.

“Sharess.”

“Ahh,” he nodded knowingly. “The Maiden of Pain and the Dancing Lady are so rarely worshiped in tandem.” He stood, carefully tensing his back to test the extent of his injuries. “Well, I hope that the experience you’ve granted me was up to your Lady’s standards of pleasure. I certainly enjoyed it.”

You had to admit that Abdirak was a much more pleasing companion than most of the others you had given similar treatment to. So many of the people who came to you for punishment reveled in the shame of it—theirs was a psychological pleasure of being dominated, corrupted by Lolth. Yours was the role of the cruel mistress, the defiler come from the monstrous Underdark to corrupt the surface. It was hard to enjoy such a dynamic when the suspicion that image brought to your kind always crept at the edges of your interactions with people.

In contrast, Abdirak’s pleasure was physical. He ached for the sensations you brought to his body and he reveled in the pain you inflicted as a representation of his faith and devotion. He wore his injuries with pride and seemed to respect you as a skilled practitioner.

And, he hadn’t called you mistress once, which was always a refreshing change.

Now, it was your turn to be penitent.

“Tell me, what sort of pain would bring you the pleasure of Sharess?” He asked, his heavy breathing revealing his excitement.

“I have to admit that I’m generally not on the receiving end. I’ll defer to your expert judgement.” You felt the anticipation building in your body. It had been a long time since you truly relaxed and enjoyed yourself. The stress of your current situation and your nights with Astarion had you feeling pent up. The idea of turning over control to someone else sounded positively refreshing.

“I shall endeavor to do my best.” He pointed you towards a set of leather shackles mounted to the wall.

“Try not to draw any blood.” You remarked as you walked towards the wall. Your blood was spoken for, after all.

In true Sharessan fashion, you undressed, leaving only the intricate straps of your undergarments. Abdirak raised an eyebrow.

“Ah, is this the how Sharess prefers her worship?” He smirked at you as he started to remove his elaborate collar. “Far be it from me to disrespect a goddess.”

“My friends just call me Tav.”

“Ha!” The religious pretense fell away as you faced each other, bare skin lit by candlelight as you stood on the cool stone tiles.

You watched as he surveyed your body. Other than a few bruises, your unblemished skin stood in stark contrast to the scars that covered practically every inch of his. He hadn’t looked close enough to find the bite marks that Astarion left on you each night.

“Such an exquisite canvas” He placed a hand under your chin and gently lifted your head towards his. “It will be hard to control the urge to leave my mark on it. I’ll have to be content with bruises.” There was an intensity to his eyes as he spoke—not of bloodlust, but of passion. He reveled not in inflicting pain, but in feeling. Whatever he had in store for you, it would not be soon forgotten.

He twirled a finger slowly, signaling you to turn and face the wall. A shiver ran down your spine as you pressed your skin against the cold stones. Abdirak bent down and spread your legs apart, locking each of your ankles into a shackle. He repeated the motion for your wrists, leaving you exposed and standing on tip-toe. His hand rested gently on your hip as he leaned close and whispered in your ear.

“Looks like there is someone leaving marks on you after all. I hope they don’t mind sharing.” He gave you a swift slap on your bare ass. You yelped at the unexpected sting. “Are you going to scream beautifully for me, dear one?”

You thought about the marks on your thighs and how wet you had been as Astarion placed each one. More often than not, you had returned to your bedroll and imagined what it would have felt like for him to indulge in more than just your blood. You wanted him, but you hadn’t been willing to risk him turning you down and ending what pleasure you did get from him.

You bit your lip as you let your mind wander, imagining the hands on you were his. Every stroke and caress, every strike, serving only to intensify your fantasy. Soon, you found yourself moaning aloud, begging for release.

“That’s my pet.” Astarion’s voice echoed in your mind.

“Aahhh~” You moaned aloud as Abdirak delivered another blow.

“You’re doing so well for me.” You swore you could feel his lips against your neck.

“AAAAhhhh!” You squirmed, trying to find any kind of friction you could from your bound position.

“Come for me.”

“Astarion!” You screamed his name as you fell over the edge. Your legs buckled underneath you as the waves of pleasure overtook your body, leaving you briefly suspended by your wrists.

Abdirak threw the small crop he had been using to the side as he moved to remove you from your shackles. You collapsed into his arms on the floor as you tried to catch your breath.

“You make your Goddess proud.” He chuckled. You could feel his hard cock pressing against you. “If I weren’t devoted to Loviatar, I would be tempted to convert.”

“Do you...want help with that?” You blushed, your breathing still heavy. You suddenly felt guilty for using him to get off.

“While that is a very enticing offer, I think we both know that your attentions lie elsewhere.” He smiled at you. “Thank you for an absolutely exquisite experience. I hope that whoever has your heart appreciates your talents as much as you deserve.”

“I hope so too.”

Chapter Text

“Ahhh, the smell of debauchery in the air.” You threw your arms wide with a dramatic flourish as you took in the scene of the goblin camp. The air was thick with with the smell of blood, no doubt belonging to some unfortunate captives.

“It’s not quite a hells party but it is certainly something.” Karlach muttered, stepping carefully around a mysterious pile of…..well, something, that was lying on the floor.

“Don’t tell me this is your kind of party, Astarion?” Shadowheart questioned with a bemused smirk.

“Well….it does lack a certain glamour.” You frowned as you noticed that the same substance was coating most of the floor around you. “But a handful of drunken Baldurian Patriars wouldn’t be too out of place here.”

Environments like these were easy hunting grounds for vampires. People coming in and out, more entrances that could be watched, an abundance of noise and booze, and dim candlelight. You were always pleased when you stumbled upon such as scene, as you were practically guaranteed to find a victim to take back to Cazador with almost no effort required, meaning you could actually spend your time enjoying the party.

Sadly, this goblin soiree did not seem to be the kind of gathering that would have a selection of wines that met your standards.

Shadowheart was about to respond to you with a snide comment, but a blood-curdling scream rose over the cacophony of the grand hall, setting your group on alert.

“Is someone being tortured?” Karlach looked around, trying to find where the noise had come from. She changed off, leaving the other three of you to scurry after her.

When you caught up with her, she was peeking into an open doorway.

“Shhhh….there’s some kind of torture chamber in here.” She whispered as the group huddled in the shadows. “We have to rescue whoever they have in here, they may have seen our druid.”

Just then, a young human stumbled out of the room with a dazed look on his face.

“Karlach, I don’t think it’s—” Tav tried to interject as Karlach grabbed the man by the collar.

“What? Is this part of it? I thought it was over once I said pumpernickle?” The man protested.

“Now now, if you want a turn, all you have to do is ask.” A slender man wearing a dramatic collared outfit was standing in the doorway. His body was covered in scars of all sizes, as well as fresh blood.

Karlach released her hold on the man and turned to the man in the doorway.

“Are you more faithful who have come to beg penance from the Maiden of Pain?”

“Maiden of Pain….” Shadowheart folded her arms as she examined the man. “Are you a Loviatan?”

“Ahh, you know her? Splendid! That does save me my usual explanation.” He sighed and shook his head. “I was asked here to help assist these goblins with their techniques, but they do not seem to grasp the complexity of Loviatar’s rituals.”

“With what techniques?” You asked. Between the blood, the table full of strange instruments, and the shackles on the wall, you had a feeling you knew.

“Torture.” Shadowheart said flatly. “Loviatar only answers prayers offered to her in blood.”

“Torture is such an ugly word for it.” The man waved his hand dismissively. “Loviatar is the goddess of pain, in all of its exquisite forms. She may not particularly care if her penance is doled out to….reluctant…worshippers, but in my experience as a priest, I’ve found that the most beautiful prayers come from the lips of those who truly enjoy their penance.” The priest smirked as he pressed a hand to his chest and gave small bow for dramatic effect. “My name is Abdirak. I haven’t seen many non-goblins during my time here. You are a welcome respite from their primitive approach to pain.”

“I’m sorry, are we ranking types of pain now?” Karlach frowned in displeasure.

“Oh, now that sounds like fun.” You looked over the priest again. His striking eyes shone in the darkness as the candlelight danced over his scarred skin. His priest robes combined a loose flowing skirt with an angular, pointed collar, leaving his chest exposed. You watched his lean muscles tense and relax as he shifted his weight from side to side.

You had received your fair share of harsh treatment in your time with Cazador, though it was usually at the hands—well, finger bones—of Cazador’s enchanted skeleton “kennel keeper,” Godey. Cazador also had his own private torture chamber in the attic, which is where you would end up if you did something especially egregious, or if he was bored that day. Regardless, it was always a miserable experience, intended to make you more complacent.

That treatment was of course not reserved for just you—your siblings were also subject to the same cruelties. As your numbers grew over the years, Godey sometimes struggled to keep up with all of you, which is when he had suggested to Cazador that you would have to learn how to torture yourselves if more than two of you needed to be punished at a time. Cazador of course loved the idea, and had soon introduced both compelled self-torture and torture of your fellow spawn as common activities.

After a few decades, you had become quite good at it. Worse, you had started to enjoy it. As one of the older spawn, you had frequent opportunities to “discipline” your younger siblings as they learned Cazador’s rules. You had figured out what made each of them most uncomfortable through trial and error, but it got to the point where “Perhaps I should get Astarion to take you to the kennel” was a feared enough sentence that they would volunteer to torture themselves instead. Pity, as that did take away one of your only hobbies.

As for your “self-torture,” you learned quickly that it was in your best interest to find something that looked enough like torture and really play up your performance so that Cazador wouldn’t compel you to do something worse. Chaining yourself up under a chandelier and having the candles slowly melt onto you was one of your favorites; just painful enough to count, and drawn out over a few days so you got some rest. Going without meals was the harder part, not that you were terribly upset at skipping a few days of rat. Your siblings hated that you got away with it, but you performed your screams and agony so well that Cazador allowed it to go on.

“How refreshing it is to be in the company of those who understand the value of Loviatar’s Love.” Abdirak sighed. “I must admit, it has been too long since I offered a proper penance of my own. There’s a shortage qualified individuals around here, and I’ve always found that penance is more effective under proper supervision.” He had a mischievous smirk on his face as he spoke.

And then you noticed that he was eyeing Tav.

“Tell me, if one of us helped you with this…penance.” Shadowheart questioned. “Would you be willing to tell us more about the cultists here?”

“Oh, I do love a good torture for information.” You offered. It had been a while since you had made anyone scream slowly, and all the better if it meant Tav wouldn’t be involved. You couldn’t imagine them being comfortable doing something like that.

“An intriguing offer.” Abdirak placed his hand on his chin thoughtfully. “I think if I were able to give and receive penance, I would have some time left over to discuss the cult.”

“And just who do you think needs to receive penance?” You were infinitely less interested in being on the receiving end of any punishment, no matter how handsome he was. Still, you had gotten quite used to pain, and could probably endure whatever it was easier than the others.

“I believe I could handle both roles.” Tav offered. You turned to look at them, but Abdirak was already leading them into his chambers.

“Now wait just a moment.” You protested. “What exactly are you going to be doing with them?”

“That will be up to the Maiden of Pain to decide.” The priest smirked at you as he closed the door in your face.

“I don’t get it.” Karlach was pacing anxiously up and down the hallway. “Why would Tav volunteer to be tortured?

You were leaning against the wall by the door while Shadowheart knelt and attempted to meditate. Karlach’s discomfort was interrupting her efforts, as well as distracting you from listening in on what was happening in the closed chamber. It had been silent for a while. It made you uneasy, not knowing what was going on.

And then you heard the distinct crack of a whip. A moan followed, but you couldn’t tell whose.

Another crack, followed by another moan, louder this time. It was Abdirak’s voice. You breathed a sigh of relief.

You tried to imagine what Tav would look like wielding a whip. It seemed so…unlike them. They were far better suited to instruments and delicate rapiers, moving with grace and control, their fingers crackling with magic that reflected in their eyes like sparks. A whip was so much more….brutal. Tav was radiance and energy, not ripping and tearing. They almost never drew blood on the battlefield. After all, that was your job.

You heard Abdirak begging for mercy, pleading that he could take no more. It was followed by another crack of the whip.

Perhaps there was more to Tav than you knew.

The chamber fell silent after that. You heard the muffled sounds of talking but couldn’t make out the words through the heavy wooden door.

“Um….what are you doing?” Shadowheart was looking up at you with a judgmental look on her face. You realized that you were leaning conspicuously towards the door. She knew full well that you were listening in, but she wanted the satisfaction of making you say it aloud.

“I’m trying to make sure our dearest leader isn’t being harmed.” You huffed.

“I think Tav can more than handle themselves.” She smirked. “Besides, that priest has information we need.”

“Yes but….”

“Maybe Tav can talk him into joining us.”

“Why the devil would they do a thing like that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. They seemed pretty keen to go and enjoy this penance. Perhaps they would want to make it a regular practice.” The look on her face told you that she knew about your late-night encounters with Tav. You weren’t sure what business it was of hers, much less why she would try to get under your skin about it like this.

You were trying to come up with a response when you heard another moan through the door.

It was the same sound you heard each time you fed, an intoxicating mix of pain and pleasure.

It was Tav.

You turned your attention back to the door, gesturing to Shadowheart and Karlach to keep quiet. You could hear Abdirak encouraging them to be louder.

And they obliged.

You froze, transfixed by the sound of their voice echoing off the stone walls of the chamber as their cries grew louder. Your mind raced, trying to decipher what he was doing to them for them to sound like that. In all your late-night imaginings, you never came close to how beautiful they sounded now, when they weren’t trying to muffle their sounds of pleasure.

It pained you that you weren’t the one making them sound like that. You thought about the marks you left on them each night and the pride you felt when you admired your handiwork. You thought about the knowing looks you got from Tav in front of the others every time they crossed their legs, being careful to keep the marks hidden—a look that seemed to say “This is just between us.”

You couldn’t help but feel possessive about them, given everything that had happened between the two of you. From the moment you first met them on the beach and saw the bruises on their neck, you never wanted anyone to leave a mark on them except you. The way they gave themselves to you each night to sate your hunger only made those feelings stronger.

And now someone else was touching them, doing gods know what to make them scream in ecstasy, making them bleed.

Your stomach turned as a terrible thought crossed your mind. Were they only allowing you to drink from them because they got off on pain? Did they care about you at all?

The sounds they were making made it clear that they were enjoying their penance. You felt disgusted with yourself, thinking that Tav may have just been using you physically.

You heard Abdirak praising them for their screams, asking them to let go and submit to the pain. Their moans intensified, the sound intertwining with the snap of leather on skin.

“Astarion!”

Your eyes widened as Tav screamed your name between moans of pleasure. They sounded like they had come completely undone.

You sincerely hoped that Shadowheart and Karlach hadn’t heard any of it, but the bemused expression on Shadowheart’s face suggested that you weren’t that lucky.

You stood there in silence, unsure of what to do next. The sounds in the room had lowered back to quiet murmurs. Shadowheart was barely containing her glee at your discomfort. Karlach looked like she was ready to break down the door.

“Should we um…..Should we just go get them?” Your question was met with a shoulder shrug and an enthusiastic nod from your companions. You steeled yourself and opened the door.

“Oh, Astarion!” Tav turned to look at you as you entered the room. They were stripped to their undergarments, seated in Abdirak’s lap as he stroked their hair. He was similarly undressed. You wanted to scream, but managed to restrain it to a pained grunt. “Did you need something?”

“Perhaps your companions are ready to go rescue your druid from the dungeon?” The priest questioned. It seemed that Tav had managed to get the information you needed.

You looked around the room, taking in the scene. The whip you heard earlier had been carefully wrapped up and placed on the table along with a quite frankly astonishing array of equipment. You had trouble believing that the sounds you heard were solely the result of the riding crop that was lying on the floor near them given all the options that were at hand. You were relieved that none of it seemed to have Tav’s blood on it. You were less relieved that Tav didn’t seem to be in any kind of hurry to get out of Abdirak’s lap.

“Yes, well, we do need to be seeing to that druid.” You huffed, folding your arms impatiently.

“Have you sufficiently internalized your penance, dear one?” Abdirak asked Tav. There was a softness in his eyes and movements that made your chest tighten. Nothing about how he was interacting with Tav now suggested that either of them had been penitent in the slightest. They looked….loving. Comfortable. Safe.

You didn’t understand why anyone would cling to someone who had just harmed them, even if the experience was pleasurable for them. You knew first hand that pain could be pleasurable, but you understood that as something your body did to protect you, turning something excruciating into pleasure for your own sake. To seek it out voluntarily—and to respond with such gentleness to the person who hurt you—was so far removed from your own experiences. You had always been left alone to tend your own wounds and nurse your hatred of those who had wronged you, just as you had done to your siblings when it was your turn to inflict pain.

Why would they want to stay with someone who hurt them?

Why did they call my name if they are so comfortable with him?

Tav slowly stood and offered a hand to Abdirak. He stood and gave their hand a gracious kiss before releasing it from his. Tav was practically glowing as they walked towards you.

“All done?” You tried to speak without making your feelings obvious, but the hurt was there.

“Yep!” They grabbed their clothes from a nearby stool and began dressing. “Though from what Abdirak told me, we’re pretty much going to have to kill everyone in here to get the druid out.”

“Pity. Shall we start our cleanup in here then?” You said flatly. Tav giggled, assuming you were making a joke.

“I’ll be out of your way by the time you reach the dungeon.” The priest began dressing as well, though his outfit didn’t cover the fresh welts on his back.

Tav threw their arms around his shoulders. “Take care, Abdirak.”

“You as well. If I’m ever in Baldur’s Gate, I’ll be sure to pay you a visit at the temple of Sharess.”

You raised an eyebrow. You had trouble believing that they would have told him about the brothel, considering how secretive they were about their work.

“Ready?” Tav asked. You had a million questions running through your mind.

Why are you being so nice to him? What did he do to you? Can I kill him? Did you tell him about Sharess’ Caress or does he think you work at an actual temple? Why did you scream my name when it was him touching you? What do you want from me?

“Of course. Let’s go spill some blood.”

Chapter Text

You were exhausted.

Clearing out an entire goblin encampment was a lot of work, and you were very much looking forward to a nice long rest. However, you were also still sticky with an absolutely ungodly mixture of sweat and goblin blood, so it was time for a bath. You would have preferred a nice indoor tub filled with bubbles, but you were still a half day’s walk from the druid grove. You would have to settle for cold river water.

You grabbed a change of clothes and a bit of soap and made your way towards the riverbank. The ambient sounds of the forest filled the silence as you slowly waded out into the moonlit water.

You set about cleaning yourself off, but found yourself distracted by the gnawing hunger at your core. You hadn’t taken the time to find anything to drink, and things with your usual source were feeling complicated after the day’s events.

The sound of Tav calling your name was still echoing in your mind, tangled in the knot in your stomach from seeing them with someone else. You suddenly felt vulnerable—not only was your source of an easy meal in jeopardy, so was your relationship with your primary ally, the person who trusted you more than anyone else, or so you had thought. The fact that they had been so eager to let someone else close to them made you feel disposable in a way that disgusted you to your core.

Do they still need me? Do they even want me at this point?

The sound of footsteps on the sandy bank pulled you from your thoughts. You turned to see Tav walking towards you.

“Looks like I’m not only one who needed a bath after today.” They placed a pile of clothes next to yours.

“Yes, well, I was here first and I’m not done.” You huffed. Somehow, Tav always managed to show up when you really wanted some brooding time.

“I noticed, but I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind sharing.” They smiled at you hopefully, showing no signs of the conflict that was raging in your mind. “You missed a spot on your back, by the way.”

“Yes, well, I didn’t intend for my bath to be a group activity, much less a spectator sport….” You grumbled. The hunger in your core was making you rethink your desire for solitude.

“Hey, I’ll leave if you want. I just figured that after Gale’s ‘musk’ comment at dinner I should do everyone a favor.” They rubbed their neck absentmindedly as they spoke. “Besides, you haven’t eaten yet, so we could kill two birds with one stone.”

You were surprised to hear them offer after everything that had happened.

“Fine.”

You had barely gotten the words out of your mouth before Tav started removing their clothes. You stood there, waist deep in the water, unsure whether they would want you to turn around. Their eyes caught yours as they unfastened their underwear and let it drop to the ground. They held your gaze, a bemused expression on their face, as they waded into the water next to you.

Tav plunged under the water for a moment, then ran their fingers through their wet hair, gently tousling it with their fingers to remove some of the grime. The way they looked now, moonlight reflecting off their silver locks, red eyes shining in the darkness, reminded you of the night you first met—the night they didn’t remember.

“What?” They giggled at you, still holding your gaze.

“I….wasn’t quite expecting tonight to go like this.”

“Like what?”

“Well, with you, us, here….like this.”

“Why not? We’re together pretty much every night.”

“Yes, well, there are usually clothes involved.”

“Astarion, how many people have you seen naked in your life? Surely it’s not that big of a deal?”

“Well, a lot actually….but they weren’t usually people I had to continue to see after the fact.” Their cavalier attitude caught you off guard.

“Well you don’t have to look if you don’t want to.”

You wanted to do so much more than look. You wanted to pull them close and sink your teeth in their neck. You wanted to feel them move against you as they begged you to take them. You wanted to bury yourself deep inside them until they screamed your name as they came undone.

You wanted them to be yours.

You needed them to be yours.

There was no avoiding it now. You needed Tav to need you as much as you needed them; anything else put you at risk. But to do that, you would need to understand what happened with that priest.

You smiled, your resolve restoring your confidence and sense of control. You let your gaze linger on their exposed skin. In all your time together, you had yet to see Tav this exposed. You had always heard that Drow were sharp, angular creatures, but Tav seemed so soft. Your eyes moved from their rounded shoulders to their heavy breasts, pert from the chill of the night air. Their soft stomach rose and fell steadily with their breath, the curve of their hips just barely visible from their stance in the water.

You were lucky that the river was deep enough to cover your lower body.

“Looking for a new place to bite?” They teased.

“Well if you didn’t want anyone to look you shouldn’t interrupt people’s baths.” You smirked. “And I was simply trying to see what damage that vile priest did to you.”

“Vile priest? Abdirak was a perfect gentleman.”

“He hit you with a riding crop.” You raised an eyebrow. Surely they weren’t going to defend him?

“And I hit him with a scourge, big deal.”

“It is a big deal! I don’t see why—” You paused as you realized your voice was growing louder. You needed to keep your composure. “I don’t see why you would let someone lay a hand on you.”

“I let you lay hands on me all the time.”

“Well you don’t usually crawl into my lap afterwards, so apparently they are different things.” You regretted the words almost as soon as they left your mouth.

“Are you jealous?”

“No!” This wasn’t going as well as you had hoped, but at least you were talking about it. “I’m just…confused, I suppose.”

“By what?”

“Why would you want to be so close to someone that hurt you?” Your voice grew quiet as you realized what was bothering you. “All the times people hurt me, all I wanted was to hurt them back.”

“Astarion,” They moved closer to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. “You do realize that he wasn’t like….torturing me for real?”

“Of course I bloody know that.” You huffed.

“So then you get that it’s important for both people involved to take some time afterwards to make sure they’re both okay and feel safe?”

“And you do that by….cuddling?” You shot Tav a skeptical look.

“Sometimes. It’s up to personal preference, really.” They shrugged.

“And this is just common knowledge that I’ve missed out on?”

“No, not really.”

“Then why do you seem to know everything about it? I’ve been getting tortured for two centuries and it never came up.”

“Again, not torture.” They sighed. They looked into your eyes for a moment as they searched for their words. “I um, had to do a lot of it….at work.”

“….Oh.” You felt stupid for not considering that there was a connection there before.

“It’s alright.” They took a deep breath in. “People don’t exactly come to a Drow prostitute for anything delicate.”

You tried to reconcile their words with how they looked standing in front of you. Everything about them, from their body to their voice to the way they moved, had given you an image in your mind of people coming to them begging to serve them, desperate to be enveloped in their warmth. To think that people wanted them to be harsh when their heart was so kind.

“So…you don’t enjoy it?”

“I wouldn’t say that I never enjoy it.” They looked up at the stars. “It’s just…..it sucks, you know? I….I had to be someone else so that other people could get off, and I didn’t get a say in who that was.”

“Is that why you haven’t told the others?”

“It seemed easier to avoid it, to make sure everyone saw me as me, you know?” They looked at you, searching your eyes for how you saw them. “To the customers, I was a generic Drow-shaped cut-out—a Drow woman shaped cut-out—I wasn’t me. People didn’t come to see me, they came to see her, so they could play out their fantasies and stereotypes.”

“But, the priest…..” You couldn’t understand why they would have agreed to that if this is how they truly felt.

“Sometimes it’s nice to just let go and have someone else take control.” They sighed. “I’d heard that priests of Loviatar were excellent at that, and I wasn’t disappointed.”

Your heart sank.

“But, I think I still prefer to be treated tenderly.” Their voice was quiet. Their eyes searched yours, looking for the tenderness they craved.

You placed one hand on their cheek and the other around their waist, pulling their body against yours. They leaned their head to the side, exposing their neck for you, their body tensing in preparation for your bite. You placed a gentle kiss on the crook of their neck and wrapped your arms around them, stroking their hair as they sank into your embrace.

“Believe me, I know all too well what it means to have to play a role you don’t want because of what other people demand.” You spoke softly.

Tav rested their head on your chest as their arms found their way around you. The feeling of their skin on yours was driving you mad, as was your hunger, but you knew that more than anything else, you needed them to trust you.

“Tav, I….I want to ask. After we….after I drink from you, do you need me to do anything? Hold you, or….”

They turned their head to look up at you.

“I don’t think so.”

“I was just thinking about what you said before, about what comes after.”

“Yeah, but…..” They smiled at you. “Somehow, you biting me doesn’t feel like that. Maybe it should, seeing as you could easily kill me by accident if you don’t stop in time, but it doesn’t.”

“That’s….”

“Weird? Maybe.” They chuckled. “Maybe I just trust you too much.”

You could tell from their eyes that they were telling the truth.

They leaned their head to the side, exposing their neck again.

“Go on.”

You leaned into them, letting your lips brush against their skin before you bared your fangs.

“Astarion?” They wove their hands through your hair as they spoke.

“Mmmm?”

“Don’t let me drown.”

Chapter Text

You collapsed, breathless, after playing your tenth song of the night with Alfira. The Tieflings visiting your camp were relentless in their demand for bardic performances. They didn't seem to care that while they were packing their belongings in the safety of the grove, you and your companions were busy clearing out an encampment full of goblin cultists.

With the camp cleared, and the archdruid Halsin safely returned to his grove, the Tieflings were "lightening their load" for the trip to Baldur's Gate by drinking a significant portion of wine. It would of course have been rude for you to refuse their offer of hospitality.

So, there you were, several glasses deep, voice almost hoarse, fingers aching from plucking the strings of your lyre, seated on a large crate as you tried to catch your breath and make the world around you stop spinning. Your companions were enjoying themselves as well, having adapted quickly to their role as champions of the defenseless—even those that had originally questioned the merit of your decision to help the Tieflings.

"You seem to be having a pleasant evening."

You turned to find Halsin offering you another glass of wine, his broad chest filing most of your view.

“I'm just happy to see everyone so relieved." You smiled as you took the glass. This vintage was sweeter than the glasses you had been given by the Tieflings throughout the night—perhaps this was from the Druids’ stores.

“They are relieved thanks to your efforts, as am I." He gave a slight bow. "I would still be locked in that cell if it weren't for you."

"Can't say I've saved many archdruids before.” You chuckled. You weren’t exactly sure if his statement was true—it was hard to believe that someone who could turn themselves into a giant bear would be held anywhere they didn’t want to be for very long.

"Well that would mean that you are unfamiliar with how deeply we feel our gratitude.” He extended a hand towards you, inviting you to dance to the song Alfira had started to play.

“Pardon the interruption,” You felt a hand on your shoulder, along with the familiar scent of bergamot and rosemary. “But one of the Tieflings—the loud one, Zevlor, I think—was looking for you.”

“Surely he can wait a moment while I entertain our esteemed guest?” Halsin frowned. You felt Astarion’s grip on your shoulder tighten.

“No, he insisted that it was quite urgent.”

You craned your neck to look at Astarion. You knew that it was unlikely that he was really here to find Halsin. Presumably he was just ready for his dinner.

“So be it.” The Druid sighed. “Save a dance for me, Tav?”

“Another time, Halsin.” You nodded politely. Halsin turned and began his search for Zevlor, who was sure to be surprised to learn that he was looking for the Druid.

“Well, now that the bear is gone, how about the two of us have our own little party, hmmm?” Astarion was still standing behind you, his protective grip relaxed.

You turned to face him. He was brandishing a bottle of wine in his free hand, though from the sway in his posture it seemed it was not the first one of the night for him, either.

“And what kind of party did you have in mind?” You raised your eyebrow at him.

“Well, the kind that two people have privately in the woods without anyone else around.”

“Sounds like a normal night for us.”

“True, but I was hoping that you might be interested in a bit more than our normal routine.”

Your heart skipped a beat. After all the times you had been alone with Astarion, he had never suggested taking things any further than necessary for him to feed. Even the night before when you stumbled upon him taking a bath, nothing had happened beyond a chaste hug.

Well, maybe it wasn’t that chaste, but if he wasn’t going to acknowledge the fact that he had a hard-on, you certainly weren’t going to embarrass him by calling attention to it.

“Is that where the wine comes in?” You gestured towards the bottle in his hand. “That will be refreshing; generally you’re the only one who gets to quench your thirst when we go out.” You teased.

“Gods, this stale water wishes it qualified as wine.” He crinkled his nose in disgust. “I do wish I had a finer vintage to share with you on an evening such as this.” He gently tilted your chin upwards, finding your gaze. “Fortunately for me, there are other things in this camp worth tasting.”

“Laying it on thick tonight, are we?” You couldn’t help the blush that was spreading across your cheeks.

“Perhaps I am simply saying aloud what I have been thinking all along.” His voice lowered.

You were torn—you had imagined a night like this more times than you could count, but you couldn’t help but question the timing. Why now? Was it the wine? And was it giving him the courage to say what he truly felt, or was it simply lowering his standards?

As much as you wanted what he was offering, you couldn’t understand why he had suddenly made a move. The risk of ruining what you had with him was too great. You needed to talk with him more, hopefully with less wine in his system—you had to buy some time.

“I’ll find you later—it would be impolite to leave a party in our honor so early.”

“I’ll be waiting—once the others are asleep.” He looked at you with lust in his eyes. “I wouldn’t want us to be interrupted.”

“Of course.”

He turned and began to meander back towards his tent, bottle in hand. You sighed. Somehow your relaxing evening had just become difficult.

“So….Astarion seems to be having a good time.” You heard Shadowheart huff as she approached.

“He does…..apparently he’d like it to continue later.” You muttered as you watched him fade into the crowd of Tieflings.

“Shar protect us, there must be something in this awful wine.” She folded her arms. “I’ve been fielding lustful advances all evening.”

“Well I appreciate that you’ve let them all keep their limbs.”

“I can always take Astarion’s if he’s behaving inappropriately?”

“It’s not inappropriate….or unwelcome, for that matter. It’s just….I don’t understand the timing.” You shook your head and sighed.

“Don’t you go out with him every night anyway?”

“Well, yes, but not like that.”

“Wait…Tav. Do you mean you haven’t been….”

“Nope. Not once. I mean, sometimes the feedings get a little….suggestive, but nothing has happened I swear. And now suddenly he’s offering, and well…….”

“Gods, no wonder you were so pent up with that priest. I suppose he took the hint you gave Abdirak.”

“Hint?”

“You know, screaming Astarion’s name in the middle of various moans of pleasure?” She raised an eyebrow at you.

“I….what?” You thought for a moment, trying to recall what had happened. “Oh hells, that was out loud? He heard that?”

“I think half the goblin camp heard it.”

You placed your head in your hands.

“Shit.”

Chapter Text

The party had finally died down, with the Tieflings that were sober enough to walk making their way back towards the grove while the others lay wherever they fell, contentedly dozing in the safety of your camp.

As you laid awake in your bedroll, you weren’t sure what was making you more uncomfortable—the hunger gnawing at your core or the anxious nerves tying your stomach in knots.

As part of your efforts to solidify your relationship with Tav—and thus, solidify your alliance and personal safety—you had finally made a move to take your relationship beyond the intimacy of your nightly feedings into something more explicitly sexual. And while Tav had agreed to your advances, they had asked that you meet after the party had ended, which meant that one, you had to endure watching everyone else at the party continually try to flirt with them and two, you had to wait for several hours as your feelings of anxiety grew.

You kept trying to tell yourself that you had no reason to be worried. After all, you had successfully charmed and bedded more than your fair share of suitors over the years, and thus you should have been confident in your ability to do the same with Tav.

But you weren’t, and that was making you uneasy.

You decided that you needed some time to clear your head before you met with Tav, so you made your way towards the forest clearing. You spent your walk over going over what you wanted to say in your head, but somehow, every line that you had didn’t quite seem right.

You tried to picture it in your mind. Tav, slowly approaching, moonlight dancing in the silver strands of their hair. You emerge from the forest—shirtless, of course, despite the chill—and deliver a line with sultry lust.

“I’ve been waiting.” You purred. “Waiting since the first time I set eyes on you….Waiting to have you.”

“Have you now?”

You turned, shocked to find that Tav had indeed approached you slowly from the forest, but you were so caught up in your rehearsal that you hadn’t noticed. They stood in the clearing, arms drawn in close as they shivered in the oversized coat you had inadvertently given them on your first night together, a bemused smirk on their face as they watched your unintended performance.

“Tav! I um….I didn’t see you there.”

“Were you flirting with the squirrels then?”

“Of course not.” You sighed. “I was just….trying to think of what I wanted to say to you.”

“I appreciate the effort, but considering you put a knife to my throat the first time we met, I would perhaps go with a different line.” They moved closer to you as they spoke, their voice lilting as they teased you. You should have expected as much.

Your lines never seemed to work as well on Tav. They were too quick-witted; they would pounce on any slip of the tongue or imprecise wording with glee, reducing you to stuttering mumbles as you tried to keep up. Anything intended to be genuinely romantic would be similarly disarmed, either because they could sense your insincerity or because they themselves weren’t comfortable with it. As things stood, they kept you off-balance; all your proven tactics were wasted on your Drow companion. But you did know one thing that worked.

Touch.

You closed the distance between the two of you, gently placing a hand on their waist as you held their gaze. You hoped that if you moved quickly enough, they would be content to let you control the situation as you pleasured them. If they kept talking, you might lose your nerve. Already, they had reminded you that their first memory of you was distinctly less romantic than your first memory of them, and their choice of outerwear for the evening was not making those feelings any easier to bear.

“Are you cold? It’s a bit early in the season to be needing a coat.” You pulled them tighter, though your cold body offered little help against the chill.

“Just a bit. Could just be the anemia.” They smiled as they relaxed into your embrace.

“Then I’ll just have to do something to get you warmed up.” You whispered into their ear as you pressed your body against theirs.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I think that I haven’t been giving you everything that you want. I’ve been terribly selfish, drinking you in every night and giving you nothing of myself in return.” You let your lips brush against their neck as you spoke, the implication of your words hanging in the air.

They tilted their head away from yours and looked into your eyes. Their body was tense, stubbornly refusing to yield against yours like nights past.

“Astarion, you know that I don’t let you drink from me because I want anything in return, right?” They furrowed their brow.

“Don’t you though? Why else would you be so eager to meet me every night?” You placed a hand on their cheek. “I think you want to be tasted.”

“And what do you want?” Their eyes were unblinking as they held your gaze.

“Isn’t it obvious?” You tried to distract from the question by pressing your body closer to theirs. “Pleasure. Come, lose yourself in me. Isn’t that what you’ve been after all along?” You purred.

“No.”

You blinked at them.

“No, that isn’t what I want.” There was a sadness in their eyes as they looked at you, clearly disappointed by your words. “I don’t want either of us to be lost. I want to be here with you, present, in the moment.”

“I don’t understand; why did you bother coming out here just to say no?” You lowered your arms, releasing your hold on them.

“I’m not saying no, I’m saying….not like this.” They reached for your hand, but you pulled it away. You had been so sure that you were ready—that this was the right time—and now it was all blowing up in your face.

“So many other times it was obvious you wanted me.” You shook your head. “Am I not good enough for you? Too disgusting and vile of a creature?” The venom of your hurt seeped into your words as they looked at you. “Then why do you moan underneath me night after night? Why did you scream my name when that pathetic priest was torturing you? I am offering you what you want, why won’t you take it?” You snarled. Their lips trembled and their body tensed.

“Because I don’t know what you want.”

“What does that even mean, what I want, I’m the one who asked you to come out here!”

“Like you said, there were a million times we could have if you wanted to, but you didn’t seem interested in anything more.” They looked down at their clenched fist, trying to hold their composure as tears welled in their eyes. “I was trying to be respectful of that boundary. I’m sorry that I wasn’t very good at hiding how I felt. I hope you didn’t think that I was trying to get you to give me anything more.”

You stood, frustration still coursing through you as you tried to understand their words. Apparently your efforts to hide your attraction from Tav had given them the wrong impression. All the nights you had lied awake, dreaming of them, and they had no idea. They didn’t believe that you could truly want them.

“Tav...” You knew you needed to explain, to say more about how you felt, but they had folded in on themselves as their feelings came to the surface.

“I didn’t want to pressure you into anything you weren’t comfortable with and I know things get really tense at camp and I’m the only one who really sticks up for you and—”

“Tav.”

“—But I do that because I care about you and I don’t want that to come with an expectation, and I’m so sorry if I made you think that you needed to—“

“Tav please.” Your voice trembled as you reached for their hand.

“…What’s wrong?” They blinked away tears, their fingers intertwining with yours.

“Tav I…..gods there’s so much.” You swallowed, hoping to avoid tears of your own. “First of all, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not letting me be a monster.” You squeezed their hand, hoping for reassurance that you weren’t going to scare them away with what you needed to tell them.

“What do you mean?”

“Since the first time I laid eyes on you, I wanted you. But it was…..complicated. I wanted you to give me everything that night, and I wanted to have every night with you, and I wanted you to have more nights even if it meant the end of mine. Centuries of being like this, and I had never felt so conflicted.” The tears in your eyes started to stream over your cheeks. “And then, when I thought it was over and you might get hurt and I’d never see you again and I—”

“Astarion, I’m sorry that you’re hurting.” They gently wiped the tears from your face. “But I’m really confused.”

“Gods that’s the worst fucking part.” You swallowed, trying to halt the tears. “You don’t even fucking remember. I’ve had to hold this secret to myself this whole time and it’s eating me alive.”

“What secret? Astarion I still don’t know what’s going on.” They held your gaze, upset that they didn’t know how to comfort you.

“Give me your coat.” You exhaled, deciding that it would be easier to show Tav than try to explain.

“What, why?”

“Humor me, please.”

Tav released your hand and slid out of the coat, pausing to run their fingers over the fraying embroidery before they handed the coat to you. You slipped it on with a practiced ease, fastening the buckles and straightening your collar as Tav watched.

“Like a glove.” You stood tall and smoothed out a few wrinkles. “Perfectly tailored to my exact measurements, 200 years ago.” Your eyes dropped. “I was….buried in it.”

“Then why do I have it?” Their voice was barely a whisper, their brow furrowed as they finally tried to remember how they came to own a coat that was too big for them.

“Because you were cold, darling.” You took their hand in yours. “You were out in the cold because….something happened to you, and then I….almost happened to you.” You forced yourself to hold their gaze as their eyes searched yours, trying to understand. The truth was bitter on your tongue.

“We met before….?”

“But, the Mind Flayers got us. I thought I’d never see you again.”

But here you are.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” They tightened their grip on your hand.

“Because you had either forgotten or wanted to forget, and I didn’t want to be the one who reminded you.”

Because I didn’t want to remind you of what I almost did to you.

“But….what happened? Why don’t I remember anything?”

“You didn’t say. I found you on the beach near Wyrm’s Crossing, clothes practically torn off, head bleeding, neck bruised.” They were looking at you now with the same hurt eyes.

“I can’t remember any of that.” They touched their neck, feeling for bruises that had long since faded away.

“Sometimes our minds are kind enough to let us forget what happens to our bodies.” You stroked their hair. They leaned their head into your hand as they took deep, steadying breaths.

“Were you….going to take me to Cazador?” They whispered.

“I was supposed to.” You steadied yourself. “But I wanted you for myself.”

“I thought you weren’t allowed to feed from people?”

“With you in my arms, I didn’t give a damn about Cazador’s rules. I wanted you—your blood, your body, everything. I was ready to face whatever punishment came to me, so long as I could have you.”

“So I was still prey, but yours, not his? Is that it?”

“….I suppose so.” Your stomach fell at the comparison. Were you any better than Cazador?

“Is that still how you think of me?” The disappointment in their eyes was almost too much for you to bear.

“Gods no.” You shook your head. “Even then, it was more complicated than that. There was…something, I don’t know.” They squeezed your hand. “I wanted to let you go, for you to be safe. But…I wasn’t strong enough to do it.” You dropped your head as the shame overtook you. “Too selfish I suppose. If I had, maybe you wouldn’t have ended up here with this tadpole in your head.”

You looked at them, searching for how they felt. You couldn’t tell whether their expression was one of pity, disappointment, or pain.

You stood in silence, their eyes locked on yours. You desperately wanted them to say something, anything, so you knew how they felt, but they said nothing as they maintained their grip on your hand.

Chapter Text

Your mind was trapped in a fog of tangled thoughts. Astarion had been right all along—you had met him before your unfortunate encounter with the mindflayers, but not by much. You understood now why he had been so upset, but you still had no recollection of the events yourself. You questioned whether what he told you was a lie, but what sense would it make for him to confess that he had planned to either take you back to Cazador or kill you himself?

The way he put it, he had simply tried to take advantage of how vulnerable you were. You were a wounded creature, too hurt to even recognize that you were in danger. And he had continued to prey on you ever since, draining you every night as you kept his secret from the others. You tried to be angry at how he had used you, but you couldn’t. You had offered yourself to him, and he had never taken more than you had allowed.

But that might have been his plan all along—to have you trust him. It was foolish of you to think otherwise. He was toying with you, taking what he wanted while he made you crave him more, the same as he had done with countless others, if the stories he told you about his life in Baldur’s Gate were to be believed. He had painted himself as a victim forced to do the bidding of his vampire lord. But out here, with the tadpole, his decisions were his own. And he had decided to use you.

“Why?” You whispered, your eyes still clouded with doubt.

You felt cold fingers press against your hand. You saw red eyes set deep beneath a furrowed brow and gentle white curls gleaming in the moonlight as they wrapped around his ears. His lips parted slightly, the sharp tips of his fangs exposed as he searched for words, only to return to a pained frown as none came to him.

Why can’t you answer me?

You weren’t exactly sure what you wanted him to say.

He could tell you that he cared about you—that you were more than just an easy meal to him. He could reveal that he laid awake at night thinking of you the way you did about him. He could ask to be more than just a traveling companion to you.

But he had done that tonight, hadn’t he? He offered himself to you, and you hadn’t accepted.

Because you couldn’t be sure of his intentions.

You wanted him to tell you that he loved you, and you wanted to be able to believe it.

The look in his eyes now wasn’t love. It was fear.

He had revealed his secrets to you, confessed his sins. And now he was awaiting your judgement. He squeezed your hand, seeking recognition that you were still with him despite it all.

And you were.

It was foolish, given everything, but you couldn’t control the part of you that ached for him. Whatever he wanted from you now, you knew it wasn’t to harm you. The fear in his eyes told you that he didn’t want to lose what was between you, you just wished you understood whether he saw it as protection for himself or a bond that you both shared.

You considered peering into his mind with the tadpole so you could search for his true intentions, but that would have been a violation of trust that you could never take back. You would have to be content with whatever he was willing to tell you on his own.

“Astarion?”

He blinked as he refocused his eyes and swallowed, bracing himself for your words.

“What do you want?” You maintained your grip on his hand as you held his gaze.

“….You.” He brushed your hair behind your ear as the fear faded from his eyes. The mischievous smile he had earlier in the evening was no where to be found.

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“I want you—more of you, all of you.” His tone was quiet and almost pained, a world apart from the flirtatious affect he normally spoke to you with. “Everything about our lives is a disaster, but I don’t care because you’re here with me and I—” He paused, seemingly surprised by his own words. “I trust you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” He placed his hand on your cheek, cradling you head. “But I haven’t been able to trust anyone in a very long time. I don’t want to lose that.”

“And you felt like you needed to sleep with me so I would stay with you?”

“….Yes.” He turned his head, his gaze cast towards the ground. “I see how the others look at you. I didn’t want to lose you to them.”

“I don’t think that’s a good reason to sleep together.”

“But what about all nights we spent together? You—”

“I know, and I’m sorry.” You frowned, feeling guilty that you had made your desire so obvious. “But just because it’s something I want doesn’t mean that you have to go along with it. Something like that has to be mutual.”

“But, what if it is mutual….” He caught your gaze for a moment before quickly looking away, as if he were embarrassed. “I um…..I must confess that my thoughts about you haven’t always been chaste.” You raised an eyebrow at him. “And neither have my actions….”

“Is that so?” You smirked. “And what unchaste thoughts and actions have you been indulging in at my expense?”

“Gods do you really want me to spell it out?” He pouted.

“Yes, actually.” Your teased, covering the relief that you felt as the air of distrust between you lifted.

“Fine.” He huffed. “If you insist.”

He found a comfortable position on the ground and gestured for you to join him. You sat side by side, hands still intertwined. He looked up at the stars as you held your gaze on him.

“I’m sure you’re well aware of this by now.” He began. “But you’re quite attractive.” You rolled your eyes, preparing yourself for the sorts of vain comments you were accustomed to. “Just, the way you carry yourself and your eyes and your voice.” He smiled. “Gods, your voice. The sound of you alone is enough to drive someone to madness.”

“My eyes and voice?” You raised an eyebrow. Generally in these situations, the first thing they mentioned was your ass.

“Well, the rest of you is gorgeous as well, don’t get me wrong.” His voice lilted. “But I’ve been with countless gorgeous people with toned bodies and perfect hair and had them lie under me like dead fish or fuck me with all the passion of a mule pulling a plow.” He scoffed.

“Countless, you say?”

“That isn’t the point!” He turned to look at your mischievous grin and frowned dramatically for a moment. “What I’m trying to say,” He sighed. “Is that the way you are with me is…different. Better. You act like you want me and that makes me want you all the more.” He turned his gaze back to the sky. “I’ve laid out here after you’ve gone back to camp and replayed the sound of your voice over and over in my head while I thought about what you would sound like if we…..well…”

“If we fucked?” You weren’t exactly surprised by his words, but it was reassuring that you weren’t the only one who had thought about it.

“Well you don’t have to use the most base word for it.”

“I have worse ones. Boning, porking, knocking boots, bumping uglies…” You counted them off on your fingers as he looked at you with dismay.

“Gods Tav, you do this professionally.” He sighed with exasperation. “And I am trying to be charming here.”

“And I am trying to annoy you.”

“And why do you insist on doing that?”

“Because you’re cute when you’re flustered.” You gave him a playful push on his shoulder and he pouted dramatically. “Sometimes it seems like all the flattery and pretty words are just cover that makes it hard for me to know what you really think.”

“Perhaps they are.” His voice lowered. “And perhaps they are cover for when I don’t know what I’m feeling at all….”

“Can you tell me how you feel right now?”

“I can try.” He moved closer to you, taking your hand in his. “I feel…relieved, that you’re still sitting here with me despite knowing everything.” You smiled at him gently. “I feel safe knowing I can trust you but….I still worry about what could happen in the future.” His gaze grew distant. “With the tadpoles, and these cultists, and….Cazador. I won’t be able to hide from him forever.”

“You don’t have to face any of those things alone.”

“I’m still not used to that.” He locked eyes with you. “Having people I can trust to help me.”

“Well I don’t plan on going anywhere unless you want me to.”

“But why?” He looked at you quizzically. “What are you hoping to gain from this?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some thoughts about what I’d like to have happen. You are, after all, astonishingly beautiful.” You teased. “But that doesn’t matter to me as much as just…having you around. You’re charming and funny and kind of a huge pain in the ass but in an endearing way. I like spending time with you and I don’t want to lose that.”

“So even if we didn’t….take things any further…you’d be content with things staying just like this?” There was a hesitancy in his words.

“I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with for my sake.” You squeezed his hand. “You don’t always make it easy to not take things further, believe me. But if this is all you want, that’s enough for me.”

“And if I did want more?”

“Just ask.”

He studied you for a moment. Anticipation built in your core as his eyes passed over you.

“Perhaps we could start with dinner?”

Chapter Text

Warmth spread through your body as your mouth filled with the sweet taste of Tav’s blood. Soft moans escaped their soft lips as they leaned against you, their head lolled to the side to give you access to the tender skin of their neck. You held them close, feeling the heat from their skin sink into your cold flesh.

Tav wanted you. That much had been clear before, but hearing them say it was a weight off your mind. What was more surprising was their insistence that they would be content if things went no further between you.

The way they were moving against you now made you doubt how long that could hold true. Perhaps they could be content like this, but the fire in your core that had been lit that night on the beach was burning ever hotter. As much as you had tried to tell yourself that it was about maintaining alliances and keeping yourself safe, you knew that what you were feeling now was pure carnal lust. You needed more than just their blood tonight.

You needed them to be yours.

You pulled back your fangs, replacing your bite with gentle kisses as you licked the blood from their neck. They had removed their shirt to give you access to their neck, leaving only the thin fabric of their undergarments stretched over their soft breasts. The moonlight danced over the pale skin of their collarbones, begging you to take another bite.

“Tav….” You moaned against their skin as you let your fingers graze their waistband. “Can we….”

“Mmmm?” They hummed, placing a hand over yours and guiding your fingers towards the laces on their trousers. “Well of course we can.” They cooed. “But the question is, do you want to?”

“Gods yes.” You bit down on their ear, earning a yelp as their back arched. Their was fire in their eyes and a devilish smirk on their face as their turned their face towards yours and bit their lip. You froze for a moment, not sure whether to work on undressing them or take the time to kiss them properly.

“What are you waiting for? I thought vampires only needed an invitation to enter people’s houses, not to kiss them.” They teased.

“Say please.” You decided to give Tav a taste of their own medicine, meeting their smirk with your own.

“Astarion.” They turned around to kneel in front of you, placing a hand on the side of your face. “I’d like you to kiss me now. Plea—”

You didn’t give them time to finish the words before you crashed your lips against theirs, taking a handful of their hair in your hand as you pressed yourself against them. Your hungry moans melted with theirs as you explored their mouth with your own, biting and sucking their soft lips until you left them breathless.

“Please.” They pulled away to catch their breath. They grinned at you, their eyes lit up with pleasure and the excitement of a new lover.

In your haste, you had grazed their lip with your fangs, sending a soft trickle of blood down their chin. Tav dabbed it with their hand, raising their bloodied fingers to examine it in the dim light.

“So this is what’s got you so worked up, huh?”

“Among other things.” You purred, taking their hand in yours and gently licking the blood from their fingertips before guiding their hand towards the laces constraining your stiffening cock. They held your gaze as they felt your shape through your trousers, letting out a moan of appreciation as they passed over its length.

“No wonder you were popular.” They chuckled as they loosened your laces. You slid your shirt over your head as they worked, exposing your chest. They pulled on your waistband as you shimmied out of your pants. Your cock throbbed, begging for attention.

“You’re one to talk.” You nimbly guided them out of their clothes, taking in the sight of their soft breasts as you grabbed their ass. You pulled them into your lap and began kissing their neck as they moved their hips, the wet folds of their skin gliding against your cock. If they kept going like this, you would be finished before it even started.

You pulled back, finding room to bring your hand between their legs. The marks from your fangs still lined the inside of their thighs as they straddled you. You recalled the sounds they had made when you placed each of those marks. You desperately wanted to hear them again.

You slid two fingers inside them, feeling their muscles tense around you as you explored their heat. They moaned as they tangled their fingers in your hair, guiding your lips towards their breasts. You brought your free hand to one breast as you took the other into your mouth. You felt Tav tense and arch their back as your fingers continued their work.

“Ahh…ahhh…..I’m…..” Their voice came out in breathy moans. “Astarion I’m gonna…”

You caught their gaze and eyed them lustfully. You had them on the verge of release.

You pressed your lips to their neck and stilled your hand, prompting them to squirm on top of you as they begged for friction. Their ass was rubbing against your cock as they rocked back and forth on your lap, the wetness of their arousal spreading over you. You teased them with your fingers, pushing them to the edge and then pulling back as their moans grew more desperate.

“Please.” They moaned. “Astarion, please….I need more.”

“Mmmm.” You hummed as you withdrew your fingers. They whined in protest. As much as you wanted to hear them cum, you wanted to make sure you could feel it.

They rocked against you, teasing your cock.

“Then take more.” You purred. Tav positioned themselves over you, holding your gaze as they took you in. They moaned and tensed as your length filled them.

“Gods Astarion you feel so good.”

“Good enough to make you come for me?” You lied back, letting them take control.

“Not before I get you closer.” You could tell they were struggling to hold on as you felt them tighten around you. They took a deep breath in as they started to move, their breasts bouncing in rhythm as they slid their hips forward and back with practiced movements.

You placed your hands on their sides, gently moving your hips in sync with theirs. They tried to hold your gaze, but you found your eyes losing focus.

Their face slipped from your mind and the sounds of their moans faded to silence. The weight of their body on yours lifted as you lie in the grass. In your mind, you were alone, unfeeling. No pleasure, no pain.

“Astarion.” A voice called your name.

You filled them, giving them what they wanted.

“Astarion?”

Just a little longer. It’s almost over.

“Astarion!”

Hands shook your shoulders. You blinked, your eyes still struggling to focus. You weren’t in the guest chambers. You were…outside? Someone was there, their hand was on yours.

“Astarion please. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Their hand squeezed yours. They were worried.

“Tav?” You muttered. They were seated next to you with fear in their eyes.

“Are you okay? It felt like I lost you.”

“I….I’m fine.” You looked away with a frown.

“I don’t think you are.”

You couldn’t bear to look at them. All the nights you had lied awake dreaming of this moment, and you had let yourself slip away.

It was supposed to be different with Tav. You wanted them, they wanted you. No ulterior motives, no betrayals, no new bodies added to the pile. No more fools finding an early grave. No more serving as bait to lure them there.

You were supposed to be free now.

“What in the hells is wrong with me…” You slumped over, pulling your knees to your chest and burying your face as tears began to build in your eyes. Tav hesitantly placed a hand on your back and began rubbing gentle circles. You felt them pause as they passed over your scars.

You tensed, bracing yourself for a question that you didn’t have an answer to, but they continued tracing steady circles. You turned your head to look at them. Their gaze was fixed on you, but there was a look in their eyes you didn’t quite understand.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” They offered. Their voice was calm but there was a layer of tension underneath their words—they were worried about you.

“What’s there to talk about.” You tried to deflect, but the sob you had to choke back betrayed you. “I finally get to have someone for myself, and I can’t fucking hold it together.” You rubbed your temples for a moment before meeting their eyes. “I’ve bedded thousands of people, but now, now, when I finally really want someone and I don’t have to give them up and I have the chance to just, be, I can’t do it.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m not in any hurry.” They tried to reassure you.

“It’s not okay! No part of this is okay. I’m—” Your head dropped. “I’m never going to be truly free, am I?”

“Astarion….” Their voice was quiet. “I can’t answer that for you.” They wrapped their arms around you and pulled you close. “But I’ll do whatever I can to help you figure it out.”

Chapter Text

You awoke to the pastel hues of the morning sky stretching out above you. Astarion was still curled against your side, his cold body drawing the heat from your skin as he clung to you. The night before had left him more emotionally vulnerable than he had anticipated, leaving your mind in knots as you tried to figure out how best to help him.

He had clearly asked to sleep with you—multiple times, even—throughout the evening, to say nothing of the tension between you when he drank from you. And yet, when it finally happened, he seemed to sink into himself.

He didn’t freeze. He kept moving, touching, moaning, offering you pleasure and tempting you to simply indulge. But you couldn’t. Not when all the light had left his eyes. It was uncanny as you played it back to yourself in your mind; he had gone from being with you and the two of you being together to being a thousand miles away, leaving his body to go through the motions like an echo of himself.

You thought about how for the past two centuries, he had spent most of his time with people who hadn’t cared to notice. In the same way that you had a role to play for your customers as the corrupting Lolthite, he had to play the role of the charming noble, enveloping people in a fantasy of pleasure so that he could take them back to Cazador. You tried to imagine how you would feel if you worked at the Caress for as long as he had been a spawn. The thought made you shudder.

“Mmmmm…” Astarion groaned as he started to stir. You felt him flinch as he opened his eyes to the morning light—an instinctual response to the dangers that sunlight posed for him. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not too long,” You stroked his hair as he traced his fingers along your side. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I…I suppose so.” His voice was quiet and cautious, a world away from his usual cavalier confidence. He sat up and looked at you. “Listen, Tav, about last night…..”

“We don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.”

“I appreciate that.” He seemed a little shocked at your reaction. “But I…..I just want make sure you aren’t….unsatisfied.”

“Astarion.” You sat up and reached for his hand. “I’m satisfied anytime we’re together, no matter what happens.”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts.” You smiled at him as he furrowed his brow. “Just being with you is enough.”

His eyes searched yours.

“But…..” He dropped his gaze. “What if I want more?”

“Then we’ll work on it together.”

“And if…this…happens again?”

“We’ll take a step back. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“That’s what’s bothering me.” He sat up and placed a hand over yours. “I want you, Tav. Gods I want you. I…I don’t know why this happened.”

“Has anything like this happened before?”

“Well, sort of.” He dropped his head. “I mean, when Cazador would send me out to find his dinner, I started sort of…tuning out, I guess. To get through it. After so many nights, so many hands, so many bodies…..it was all too much. But that didn’t matter. It was my job to roll over and take it, or give it, or…whatever.” He squeezed your hand and met your gaze. “I…I suppose you might understand what I mean.”

“I do, though I’m fortunate that I haven’t been at it for centuries.”

“How long then?”

“Ehhh, around seven years I think?” You counted the time off on your fingers.

“A fraction of an elvish lifespan.” He mused. “But still, not easy to endure.”

“I wouldn’t call it a fraction….it was most of my adult life.” You shrugged.

“But…you’re a Drow…..” He raised an eyebrow. “How old are you?”

“30.”

“As in, three zero? That’s it?” He asked, a look of shock on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Gods Tav, you could have told me I was a cradle robber.” He sighed.

“And I’m sure most of your conquests have lived for centuries?” You folded your arms. You had gotten quite used to older elves treating you like a kid. Most of them didn’t understand how different it was living in a human city.

“Well I mean…..not all of them, obviously. Humans are the majority in Baldurs Gate….” He floundered.

“See, so what’s the big deal?”

“Well it’s just….in an Elvish lifespan…it’s so young. You have so much life ahead of you, assuming we live through these tadpoles”

“Says the immortal vampire.” You folded your arms.

“That isn’t the point Tav—” he sighed. “It’s just, at your age, you have so much time to figure out what you want. Or to want….different things.”

“And you don’t?” You raised an eyebrow.

“it’s….it’s different.” He protested weakly.

“I don’t know that it is.” You frowned. “If age was such a big deal to you, why haven’t you asked before?”

“Maybe it didn’t matter then, but now it does.”

“And why would that be?”

“Because I—” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “Because I….feel something, for you.”

“Something?”

“I….don’t know what to call it. It’s been so long since I let myself….get attached.” He ran his fingers over yours, his eyes cast down.

“And you’re worried I’ll outgrow you?”

“….yes.” He whispered. It almost looked like he was blushing.

”Well, I can’t predict what the future holds, I won’t pretend that I can.” You placed a hand on his cheek, and he leaned his head into your hand. “But I can tell you that I care about you, and I want to be with you for as long as I can. I’d like for it to be for a long time.”

“Long time as in several years?” He squeezed your hand.

“Man, you must think that I’m going to be easy to get rid of.” You chuckled. “I was thinking more like centuries.”

“You don’t even know what a century of time feels like.”

“I know. But I’d like to find out, preferably with you by my side.” You placed a gentle peck on his forehead. “And really, do *you* know what centuries feel like, centuries for yourself?”

“I….suppose not.” He muttered. “I wasn’t much older than you when I was turned…..”

“See? We’ll figure it out together.” You smiled at him, and he leaned forward to kiss you, a contented smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Sunlight warmed your exposed back as you sat in the forest, your body pressed against your companion's soft flesh. Tav draped their arms casually over your shoulders as they gazed at you with heavy-lidded eyes. A gentle smile crossed their face as they ran their fingers through your tangled curls. They looked contented, and perhaps a little sleepy.

There was something about seeing them like this that made your heart ache. They trusted you, felt safe with you. Their guard was completely down. They were so kind-hearted and….young. Gods they were young. Normally, you never would have believed that they were a mere 30 years old. The way they carried themselves and interacted with the world revealed a confidence—and a level of hurt—that normally came from centuries of elvish life, of seeing generations’ worth of pain and betrayal from the perspective of a short-lived species. Perhaps living in Baldur’s Gate and doing the kind of work that they did had made them jaded past their years.

But here, like this, you believed them. They sank into you without a hint of hesitation, blissfully unaware of your capacity to hurt people. They let you drink their very life’s essence, trusting you not to seriously harm them. They didn’t understand how much control that took for you. If they did, perhaps they wouldn’t be here with you like this. The thought made your stomach fall.

Because I….feel something, for you.

That was perhaps the understatement of the century. You were completely enamored with them, which put you in an uncomfortable position. To want someone the way you wanted Tav—wholly and completely—was something that you had tried to avoid over the past centuries. It was risky, leading only to heartbreak as you ultimately lost them to Cazador, one way or another. However, free from his influence, you encountered another kind of risk.

What if Tav doesn’t want you in the same way?

Sure, they act like they want you now, but what if they change their mind or get…disappointed? Or bored? What if you can’t be the kind of person they want? With all their do-goodery and hope for humanity?

After everything you’ve been through, are you too broken to keep them happy?

All the times you tripped over yourself and upset them or nearly gotten yourself killed because you couldn’t think straight, to say nothing of how the prior night had gone. You frowned and furrowed your brow as the weight of your concerns weighed on your mind.

“Is something wrong Astarion?” Tav noticed your expression and placed a hand on your cheek. Your face softened as you leaned into their hand, the comfort of their touch relaxing your troubled thoughts.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just….still a bit upset about how things went tonight.” You sighed. “I….wanted to do so much better.”

“We’ll have plenty of nights to try again.” They purred as they pressed themselves a bit closer to you. You ran your hands along their sides, finding your way to the soft skin of their hips. You wanted to grab them and pull them onto you, to see their face lit up with pleasure as you filled them. But you weren’t sure if the same thing would happen again. You couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing them—and yourself—twice in a row.

“Gods this is hard.” You muttered.

“Already?” Tav smirked. They bucked their hips against you, bringing your attention to the fact that you were quite hard. You let out a soft moan. “Do you want to?”

“Gods yes.” You breathed. “I’m just….I suppose I’m scared.” You cast your gaze down. “Of letting you down, of embarrassing myself, again.”

“Well, is there anything we can do to make you feel more relaxed?” You could sense their rapid pulse as the eagerness spread through their body. You weren’t the only one left unsatisfied by the night before. Perhaps it was time to make up for that.

“I think an orgasm or two should do the trick.” You mused. Tav's crimson eyes met yours as they leaned in to kiss you. It was brief, almost chaste, in a way that made you ache for more when they pulled away.

They turned around and pressed their back against your chest as they laced their fingers with yours and guided your hand between their legs. Their back arched as your fingers brushed against their skin.

You placed your lips on the crook of their neck as you explored their heat with your fingers. Tav's hips moved against you as you curled your fingers inside them, searching for the spots that would drive them mad with pleasure. You felt their body jolt when you found it.

“Gods Astarion.” The sound of their breathy moans urged you on. You were determined to see this through to a blissful climax.

But a sound rustling in the nearby forest was breaking your focus. Tav whined their displeasure as you slowed. The rustling soon gave way to faint voices and footsteps.

“Oh for fuck’s sake….” You muttered.

Wyll and Shadowheart emerged from the forest, and they were distinctly more clothed than you and Tav. You scrambled to find your discarded clothes.

“Gone all night and still at it in the morning?” Shadowheart mused as the pair approached. Wyll politely kept his gaze downward as you draped your coat over Tav.

“And what business is that of yours?” You snarled. You hastily threw on some of your clothes.

“Unfortunately, it became my business when the two of you didn’t show up for breakfast.” She crossed her arms and shot a look at Tav.

“Our um….our new druid friend wants to talk to you, Tav. About the cult.” Wyll offered. “Our apologies for the…interruption…..”

“Gods, I forgot all about Halsin.” Tav groaned. They turned to you with an apologetic look. “We really should get back.”

You sighed.

“If you insist.”

Chapter Text

You stumbled through the forest alongside your companions, struggling to dress as you walked. Shadowheart had gathered your clothing into a bundle and was handing you an item at a time while she recapped what had happened after you left the Tiefling party the night before. You nodded as you tried to listen, hopping along on one foot while you pulled on your boots.

You heard Astarion huff behind you. He was being offered no such assistance, but from the corner of your eye you caught him straightening his collar and adjusting the laces on his trousers. He looked uncomfortable—the sudden interruption by your companions had left him in a foul mood, his confidence shaken by the night’s events.

“So, you were gone all night?” Shadowheart whispered to you through a smirk. “And how did that go?”

“It’s not what you think” You huffed.

“And just what do I think?”

“You obviously think that we were fucking the entire time.”

“And? Were you?”

She was enjoying this far too much.

“No.”

“So we didn’t walk in on you two about to go at it?“

You felt your face growing red.

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“I don’t owe an explanation to you.” You deflected. If you told anyone, even her, about what happened with Astarion, he’d never forgive you.

“Gods, is he that bad?” She giggled mockingly. “What do you expect from a corpse, after all?”

“Shadowheart.” You growled through gritted teeth. “Drop it.”

“I didn't realize it was so serious.” She backed down, clearing having expected you to go along with her teasing. “It’s really not that big of a deal Tav, half the camp was gone all night for…various activities.”

“Is that so?”

“Obviously. Did you think you were the only one?” She sighed. “I spent half an hour this morning treating Wyll’s burns.”

You stopped in your tracks. Wyll was just out of earshot, trying to talk to Astarion. His hands were bandaged.

“You don’t mean…?”

“He didn’t fall in the campfire.” She said knowingly.

“Damn. How the tables turn.” You mused. You wondered how they managed that without him getting completely incinerated.

“Indeed.” She nodded.

“So how did you spend your evening?”

“That’s….none of your concern.” She balked.

“Oh so you get to be nosy and I don’t?”

“Precisely.”

You were adjusting your last buckle when you arrived back at camp, where you were promptly face to chest with a Druid.

“Tav!” Halsin grinned as he approached you, arms wide and welcoming. “Good to see you are well. I was a bit worried about you after you left the party without returning for our dance.”

You heard Astarion scoff. You didn’t have to turn around to know he had folded his arms and cocked his hip in his preferred indignant stance.

“Yes well they were perfectly fine; no need for your concern, Druid.” The vampire’s tone was flat, but you could detect a hint of venom in his words. Was he jealous that Halsin wanted to dance with you?

“Of course, I’m sure that you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself, Tav. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.” If Halsin had picked up on Astarion's hostility, he was choosing not to engage with it. “However, it does pay to be vigilant in such perilous times.”

“Right…” You weren’t really sure how to diffuse this. You needed information from Halsin, but you were preoccupied with Astarion’s feelings. Leaving him to stew in his insecurities never ended well.

“So, about the cult of the Absolute.” Halsin continued. “First of all, my sincere thanks to all of you for rescuing me, and for defending the grove from the goblin threat. This whole forest is safer with that camp dissolved, and we have you to thank for that. You righted a lot of wrongs in my absence; I am in your debt.”

“Well it’s always good to be able to lend a hand to the common man.” Wyll smiled. His level of pride in his work to protect the Sword Coast shined through.

“And it’s good to be with a fine group of adventurers who share that sentiment.” Halsin nodded warmly. “But, to move on to the problem at hand. From what I heard in the camp, your next stop should be Moonrise Towers; there’s some kind of stronghold there.”

“A tower? Sounds easy enough to find.” Gale mused.

“To find, perhaps, but to reach it presents much more of a challenge. The lands around the tower are cursed, driving men to madness or worse.” The Druid’s expression grew solemn. “There are two paths to reach it. The first would be to go through the mountains over the risen road. It can be a little dangerous, but not more than a well-equipped party can handle. It would, however, require passing over a large distance of cursed lands to reach the tower, which could present a problem. The other route would be to go through the Underdark. As I’m sure you noticed, that goblin camp was built in an abandoned temple of Selune. The adventurers I had been accompanying had learned of a passageway from that temple into the Underdark, which was supposed to lead them to a fortress deeper within, possibly with Shar worshippers inside.”

“Shar worshippers?” Shadowheart questioned.

“Dark Justiciars, from what the rumors say, defending a stronghold. Or did at one point, it seems the area may just be inhabited by Duegar by now.” Halsin nodded sagely.

“What do you think, Tav?” Wyll turned to you. “You’re from the underdark aren’t you? I feel like that would give us quite an advantage.”

“As much as I don’t want to go back to a temple of Selune, if it would lead us to somewhere that Justiciars frequented it seems worth pursuing.” Shadowheart added.

“Avoiding cursed lands does seem like a good idea. How bad can the Underdark really be?” Karlach leaded back, her posture relaxed.

“I….I’m not so sure.” You balked, trying to keep the sudden tension in your body from reaching your voice. “The dangers of the Underdark are subtle and sinister. It usually isn’t obvious you’re in danger until it’s too late.” The idea of returning to the Underdark—and potentially running in to other Drow—did not sound appealing to you in the slightest.

It had been years since you abandoned your apprenticeship and disappeared into the crowds of Baldur’s Gate. You’d heard nothing of your family since then. If they had tried to reach you in the intervening years, they had been unsuccessful, much to your comfort. But if you went back to the Underdark, the odds of another Drow recognizing the lost Szarkai “daughter” of House Despana would not play out in your favor.

“Tav, surely you’ve bested all these supposed dangers at least a dozen times already. Compared to a cursed land we know nothing about, the Underdark seems a wiser choice.” Shadowheart urged. The idea of finding dark justiciars had fully persuaded her.

“Do you know anything about what’s down there, Shadowheart?” Astarion objected. “Past experience or no, the creatures of the Underdark are not to be underestimated.”

“And creatures in a shadow cursed land would be so much better?” Lae’zel scoffed.

“Perhaps we should take a vote?” Wyll offered, eager to ease the tension.

You swallowed. It seemed clear that a vote was just going to reinforce what had already been established.

“All those in favor of traveling through the Underdark?” Shadowheart raised her hand, followed by Wyll, Karlach, Lae’zel, and Gale. You stood motionless.

You wanted to scream, to cry, to put you foot down and say no, the way you had to your family when you told them that you were never going back.

But you couldn’t find the courage. You opened your mouth to object and no words came out.

“Seems the ayes have it then.” Shadowheart nodded. The group splintered as they began to break down camp. You were still frozen where you stood.

You felt fingertips brush yours and refocused your eyes to see Astarion still standing with you. He laced his fingers with yours and stood by your side. You leaned your weight onto his shoulder.

“I’ve got you.” he whispered.

Chapter Text

“It looks like they’ve all cleared out.” Karlach remarked.

The party had made their way back to the goblin camp, finding it empty with the leaders defeated. An eerie silence filled the fallen temple, broken only by the sound of your footsteps as they echoed through the barren halls.

The passageway was not particularly difficult to find, and soon the party was making their way down a long ladder. Shadowheart was leading the way, eager to move on from Selune’s temple toward the hope of finding more of Shar’s faithful. The others followed, leaving only you and Tav standing alone at the top.

Tav had been quiet ever since the prospect of traveling through the Underdark had been raised. Where they normally would have led the march, talking and humming as they fearlessly charged ahead, on this trip they had hung towards the back of the group. Their usual commentary and curiosity were nowhere to be found. Their expression was blank, bordering on solemn, like a storm had descended on their mind.

If it were you, Tav would have immediately tried to get you to talk about it. But with your roles reversed, you were finding it hard to know what to do. For as long as you could remember, no one had been there for you when you were upset—you were alone, forced to cope and learn to downplay your anguish, lest your open misery encourage further torment. There was no one in your life you had cared for long enough to even begin to learn how to comfort them. The very concept of comfort had become alien to you.

But now, here you were, with someone you cared for deeply.

And they needed you.

“Tav…..” You started, cautiously. Despite your efforts to make your voice quiet, it boomed in the empty space, echoing for a few moments while you tried to find the right words. You swallowed and tried again. “Are you……okay?”

Your companion turned to look at you. Their eyes were pleading and their lip trembled for a moment, the way a child looks at a parent who is insisting they do something they are terrified of. This was not an expression you had seen Tav with before. Even on what must have been a very dark night for them—the night you met—they didn’t seem so afraid. Whatever was upsetting them, the wound was very deep.

You took a cautious step towards them.

“Is there anything I can do?” You asked. Your heart ached as Tav’s red pleading eyes bore into you.

They blinked.

Suddenly their clouded gaze was gone, leaving lightless eyes set in a steely expression. You watched as they took a deep breath in.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Tav asked as they shot you a smug look. Their voice had a peculiar affect to it, sounding intimate—sensual, even—yet it registered as unfamiliar to your ears. It sounded…..hollow.

You stood on the precipice, unsure of what to do. Tav turned and started to descend down the ladder. They paused, extending their hand towards you. You started to reach for it, but they instead curled their index finger, gesturing for you to follow before they continued their descent.

You slowly let your hand fall to your side as your thoughts raced.

Something was very, very wrong.

Chapter Text

Your pulse pounded in your skull as you descended the ladder into the inky darkness below. Your companions bantered between heavy breaths around you, but their words seemed like distant noise when they reached your ears.

Your mind swirled with the memories of your childhood—of the city of Ust Natha, with its winding streets lit by the glow of faerie fire, seen only from your window in the Despana family’s compound. The faint glimmer coming up from below you had the same unearthly quality. Worlds away from the welcoming warmth of hearths and candlelight on the surface, the dim hues of the Underdark were lures to distract unsuspecting victims from what lurked in the truly dark places.

After what felt like an eternity, your feet found solid ground on the cold stones of an abandoned temple. Massive cobwebs fluttered across the room like the ghosts of the former worshippers, long since driven out by Lolthites.

“Well this place is cheery.” Gale quipped as he inspected the dust.

“Looks secure though,” Karlach kicked at a metal grate and nodded, satisfied that it would hold.

“A gate like that will save you from a few things, but not all of them.” You muttered. The larger beasts in the Underdark are the ones that seem most intimidating to surfacers, but they are obvious enough to be easily avoidable most of the time.

“I’m more concerned with the dangers we can’t see.” Astarion’s eyes darted between the corners of the room, mirroring your thoughts.

“Perhaps a scouting party is in order?” Halsin stood in the center of the room and nodded confidently.

“No offence Halsin, but this isn’t the kind of cave that bears do well in.” You adjusted your armor. “I’d better do it.” You took a breath in. If there were any Drow up ahead, you would rather encounter them alone and not endanger the rest of the group.

“It’s settled then, Tav and I will scout ahead while the rest of you stay here and try to find more information on this passageway.” Astarion added. You shot him a look that he pointedly ignored. “Shall we?”

“I’d be faster on my own.” You huffed as you headed down the corridor away from the temple. As much as you appreciated Astarion’s company, it was hard enough to scout on your own without raising attention, now you also had to make sure nothing was sneaking up on him that he wasn’t trained to see, to say nothing of how having a surface elf with you would certainly complicate any encounters you might have with Drow.

“Do you really think that I would let you stumble around in the Underdark alone?” He paused for a moment before reaching for your hand. “Tav…I know you didn’t want to come down here.”

You met his eyes as he looked towards you with gentle eyes. He was leaving you room to explain, if you wanted to. You gave his hand a squeeze.

“It’s….a longer story than we have time for here.” You sighed. “Suffice it to say that if we come across anyone who knows who I am, go for the throat.”

“Dramatic.” He mused. “Any particular reason for this uncharacteristic bloodthirst?”

“They either want me dead or want me back, and I’m not a fan of either scenario.”

Astarion’s prowess in moving in darkness was on full display as the two of you moved through the dimly-lit caverns, dashing swiftly along narrow ledges and dancing around hazardous mushrooms. You were in sync, communicating with nods and gentle taps to the shoulder as you explored the caverns surrounding the temple of Selune where the rest of your party awaited your return.

You had led Astarion in a large loop, and were now approaching the temple once more, satisfied that the dangerous of this part of the Underdark were manageable for the others. The walls were just coming into view when you found yourself approaching an open area with strange rocks scattered across it.

You motioned for Astarion to follow slowly as you approached the rocks. They were around your own height, with forms that were clearly not natural formations.

“Are these….people?” Your companion whispered, his voice tinged with suspicion. You saw him coil up and reach for his knife.

Satisfied that nothing appeared to be moving, you stopped to look at one of the rocks more closely. Your heart fell as you realized what they were.

“Not people.” You mumbled. “Drow.”

Chapter Text

Tav froze in place, standing just as still as the petrified Drow that littered the field around you. You watched as all the muscles in their body tensed, bracing for an impact. The cavern was still, with no signs of life other than yourself and your bard companion.

“How long do you suppose they’ve been like this?” You try to determine their age from their clothes, but your lack of familiarity with Drow fashion gave you no clues.

“Hard to say….though it likely would have been for a while.” Tav offered. “A group of males with no female commander, they may not have been missed.” Their voice was flat, but there was a slight quiver to it that belied their unsettled emotions.

“Perhaps we should move on before we encounter whatever did this.”

“We need to find a way to talk to them.” Tav refused to budge. “I don’t want to lead the others out here without knowing what we’re up against.”

“Let’s see then….” You rummaged through your supplies, hoping for something that would remedy petrification. “Aha! We have some basilisk oil from that old hag that should do the trick.” You held the vial triumphantly.

“Only enough for one…..” Tav mumbled. you watched them move from statue to statue, examining each of them closely. “This one’s crest—he’s in charge.” They pointed to one of the statues and motioned you over.

“Looks like it’s your lucky day.” You applied the oil to the statue and stood back with Tav as the stone began to change. Tav watched it intently, their body coiling with tension. As the statue’s purple skin began to regain its softness, Tav shot an intense look at you and moved several paces in front of you, standing between you and the Drow as his stone legs softened and crumpled beneath him.

“Praise be to the Queen of Spiders.” The Drow coughed wearily before raising his head to examine his rescuer. His words were in Drow, not Common, but thankfully it shared enough vocabulary with Elvish for you to understand the general meaning. Tav confidently stepped closer to the Drow, bringing their heel down a hair’s width from his hand.

“Your name.” Tav demanded. Their words dripped with an icy coolness as they glanced over their shoulder at you and raised an eyebrow. They were asking you to play along. You nodded that you understood.

“D-Dhourn, Mistress, of House Ba’Tol of Menzoberranzan.” The Drow kept his head low as he carefully rose to his feet. You heard him gasp when he noticed Tav’s pale skin. “Szarkai!” He exclaimed in a hushed breath.

“You’re a long way from home, Dhourn.” Tav huffed indigently. “What brings a useless third son like you to this part of the Underdark?”

“H-how did you—” Dhourn stammered.

“No one but a pathetic waste-of-breath third son would be so far from home with a group like this.” Tav motioned disdainfully at the still-petrified Drow littered around the cavern. “Now, I ask again: why are you here?”

“I’m in search of a mighty forge of legend. There’s rumor that it lies somewhere in a temple of Shar deep in these caverns.”

“A temple of Shar you say?” You can hear the smirk in Tav’s voice. “Have you had any success in finding this temple?”

“Some, mistress, but my rivals are also in search of the temple and may have moved closer to it in my absence.”

“You will tell me everything.” Tav punctuated their request by raising the thin blade of their rapier to Dhourn’s neck

“Are you sure we should just…leave him there?” You asked as Tav led you back towards your waiting party members.

“He’s not going to beat us to the forge with his companions still petrified.” Tav stated matter-of-factly.

“Well of course, but is it…safe? For him to be down here alone?”

“Nope.” Tav sighed. “But it’s not safe for a third son anywhere.”

Chapter Text

Having relayed the results of your scouting expedition to the rest of the party, the group had set out in search of more clues about the hidden temple of Shar and its mysterious forge. Shadowheart was practically sprinting through the caverns, desperate for any sign of the Justiciars rumored to be hiding deeper within, but all the party came across were mushrooms with various levels of poison and sentience.

Wyll had just managed to talk everyone out of inadvertently assisting in a mycological regicide while Gale consulted with a lovely pair of scientists, learning that one of the competing Drow sons had passed through the colony before. The party resolved to go out in search of the remaining Drow, who was rumored to be living among monsters on the far side of the cavern.

The others seemed to take for granted that you would be interested in finding other Drow. Only Astarion picked up on your trepidation, matching pace with you at the back of the group. His fingers grazed yours occasionally as you walked, his fingers curling around yours for a brief moment before falling away when you did not respond. Your attention was devoted to probing the shadows around you as you struggled to see into their depths.

“Tav…” He hesitated. “Can I ask you something?”

You blinked back into focus as he reached for your hand again.

“Sure.”

“The way that Drow acted around you before…..” He trailed off. “He called you something.”

“Szarkai.” You answered with a solemn sigh. “Lolth’s chosen and a sign of her favor for my house.”

He turned toward you with a puzzled look for a moment before blinking with recognition.

“Your skin….” He muttered as he brushed his slender fingers over the pale skin of your cheek.

“It’s rare.” You tried to lean into his hand but your body felt stiff. “Makes us suited for espionage on the surface. Easier to blend into a crowd when your skin isn’t grey or purple. Also makes you an easy target for kidnapping, or murder, or….” Your voice trailed off.

“I can imagine.” He replied. “People talk about the kind of cross-family fights that Drow houses have. That must have been unpleasant for you.”

“I guess.” You shrugged. “I didn’t really get out much. Or at all, really. There was a botched family power struggle some years before I was born, so when I came along and demonstrated that Lolth was finally over it, the Matron mother had me permanently confined to the temple.”

“Looks like that didn’t stick.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you know how stubborn I can be.” You smirked.

You recalled the stories your sisters had told you growing up—about how the Despana family was going to reclaim its rightful place in Ust Natha with Lolth’s favor, and about your destiny to become a high priestess. Your family had guarded you like the protective charm that you were, keeping you locked inside the compound and educating you fully within the temple of Lolth until you were old enough for an apprenticeship.

And old enough to escape them once and for all.

But now here you were, back in the Underdark, trailing after people you didn’t want to find.

And now it seemed that they had found you first.

Chapter Text

The hook horrors had descended upon you with seemingly no warning—silently diving down from the branches of the great tree that rose up from the cavernous depths. Their silent flight was punctuated with a loud thud that echoed through the cavern as they dug their razor-sharp claws into the ground.

The group attempted to react, but the surprise attack had caught everyone off guard. Yelps of surprise and pain rose from the front of the pack as the monstrous birds began to peck and claw at your companions.

Wyll pointed his blade to the sky, signaling to the group to circle around him as he began to cast a barrier. You looked around, mentally mapping out your companion’s locations as you slashed at another of the birds.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw another hook horror leap from a high branch and begin its deadly descent. You quickly gauged the trajectory, tensing as you realized the bird was heading directly for Tav.

“Gale!” You exclaimed, gesturing for the wizard to fire something, anything, toward the enemy as it fell towards them.

“On it!” He replied, moving his staff through the air swiftly.

And then…nothing.

“Hells….a dampening energy.” Gale’s face grew pale as he lowered his staff

“No….” You snarled through gritted teeth. Tav was focused on a hook horror that was pecking at Shadowheart, trusting that Wyll’s barrier would hold and seemingly unaware of the creature closing on them.

But the barrier spell fizzled, sapped by the same energy that had rendered Gale’s spell powerless.

“No!” You exclaimed. In desperation, you threw your dagger towards the bird. The sound of your blade bouncing off its chitinous skin and skittering across the ground filled your ears as you held your breath, tensing for the powerful thud of the monster hitting the ground.

Tav turned at the sound of your voice, their eyes wide as they finally noticed the creature. They attempted to roll out of the way as the hook horror brought its savage limb down towards them. The scythe-like arm drove into the ground where Tav had been standing a moment before. They scrambled to raise their rapier in defense as the bird dove at them with its bloodied beak. You sprinted towards the creature, driving your blades into whatever soft spots you could find, desperately trying to pull it away long enough for Tav to regain their footing.

A thunderous yell from across the battlefield let you know that Karlach had finished off the leader of the group and was coming to help. The hook horror was thrashing and trying to turn its mass against you as you sliced at its legs, but it soon found itself facing the barbarian’s great axe.

You scrambled, panting, towards Tav. They smiled weakly at you, their face bloodied. Most of the blood seemed to be from the hook horror, but by smell alone you could tell that some of what was pooled around Tav was their own.

“Shadowheart!” You called as you ran your hands over Tav, searching for their injuries. They had deep cuts on their arms from blocking the creature’s attacks. “You’d better do something about this, now!” You barked at the healer, holding Tav’s wounds for her to inspect.

“No magic.” Shadowheart huffed. “We’ll have to make do with bandages for now and then move somewhere safe.”

“Hells” You growled as you rummaged through the bag of supplies for bandages, silently cursing that no one had brought healing potions. Tav was silent, save for the occasional groan, which was a distinctly bad sign. You had a feeling they had sustained something more serious than the cuts.

“Where else does it hurt, darling?” You cradled their face in your palm, but their eyes only fluttered shut in response.

You paced anxiously outside of Tav’s tent. Shadowheart had shooed you out, claiming that your glaring was breaking her concentration.

The party had rushed back towards the myconid village after the battle. Most had been lucky to escape with only minor wounds, but Tav had sustained several deeper cuts and some deep bruising from the force of the hook horror’s blows.

They had yet to regain consciousness.

“Any word?” Gale asked solemnly. The weight of his failed spell was weighing on him.

“How the bloody hell should I know?” You snapped, taking some of your frustration out on the wizard. “She won’t let me in there to find out.”

“I’m sure Shadowheart is just trying to focus on making Tav better, that’s all.” Gale responded, his tone saddened.

“Which I could have finished earlier if someone hadn’t been breathing down my neck.” The cleric stretched as she emerged from the tent. She shot a nasty look at you.

“Excuse me for trying to help.” You huffed and headed for the tent. Shadowheart moved in front of you.

“They need to rest.” She glared. “You’ll have to find something else for dinner. They’ve lost too much blood already.”

“That is not why I—” You protested.

“Let me clarify.” Shadowheart pointed a finger accusingly at you. “Tav had already lost too much blood before the fight started. They were anemic.” The implications of her words made your stomach fall. “Their wounds aren’t that severe, but the additional blood loss has put their body under a lot of strain.

Your mind raced. You were furious. Furious at Gale for not being able to cast a spell. Furious at Shadowheart for not being able to heal them. Furious at yourself for not being able to protect them.

“They didn’t even want to come down here.” You muttered.

“We knew it would be dangerous.” Gale offered. “This was bad, but surely a curse would have been harder.”

“Curses?” You snarled as rage filled your mind. “Can’t you fools see that this place is cursed? For Tav, being back here is worse than any cursed land could ever be, I promise you that.” The pair stared at you as the frustration boiled over. The rest of the group had turned toward you. “They tried to tell you as much but you wouldn’t listen, too blinded by your own self-interest. You wanted them to lead you through the Underdark because you thought it would be safer for yourselves—or because you wanted to find some gods-forsaken Justiciars.” You spat towards Shadowheart. “Not a single one of you stopped for a moment to think about whether it would be safe for Tav. And now look at them.”

“The hook horrors attacked all of us.” Wyll offered.

“They were distracted! And upset!” Your voice came out hoarse from exasperation. “They haven’t been themselves since we’ve been down here. They weren’t….they couldn’t….” Your words trailed off as you struggled to get your companions to understand.

“Astarion…..” Halsin moved to put a hand on your shoulder.

“No!” You swatted his hand away. “No, I won’t stand for this any longer. As soon as it is safe to move them, I am taking Tav out of here and we will find a safer route.” You turned and headed towards Tav’s tent. “And if any of you want to stay here and find your own way through the Underdark, be my guest.”

Chapter Text

True sleep was a rarity for elves and their Drow kin, preferring as they did to meditate for short periods to gain rest. But on the rare occasions that you found yourself sleeping, you were often haunted by dreams pulled from your memories of Ust Natha.

You would awake in your dreamlike state, finding yourself to be a child, locked once again in the family’s temple. You would move from statue to statue, wiping the cobwebs from them, trying to find a statue that looked like you. Your hands would move over the cold stone features, finding representations of priestesses and warriors, strong women towering over the room, their bodies draped in carved spider silk.

Your sister would appear behind you, pointing at this hooded figure or that, regaling you with the story of how that woman became what she was through cunning and violence and devotion to Lolth.

You could never see yourself becoming anything like those statues. Nor could you see yourself being anything like the men who cautiously moved about their business outside the temple halls. No matter how many statues you pulled the cobwebs from, there never seemed to be one like you.

The dream you were having this time was different. You were suspended in a vast expanse of radiant purple and blue sky. Strange islands of land dotted the sky, covered with strange plants and ruins of a long-gone age.

You head footsteps behind you and turned to find a familiar face.

“I’m glad I got to you in time.” Astarion’s familiar voice rang out into the empty expanse surrounding you. He found a seat on the ground next to you. “How are you feeling?”

“Unconscious.” You mused with a small chuckle. You moved your hand toward him, but he didn’t reach for you in return. “What are you doing in my head?”

“Do you not usually dream of the things you want?” He looked at you expectantly. There was something off about his expression. He seemed to be asking a genuine question, rather than making a sarcastic remark.

“No…. I don’t.” You replied, attempting to scrutinize the figure beside you. You had never discussed your dreams with Astarion that you could recall. And it seemed odd that an Astarion conjured up by your subconscious would act differently than the real thing.

“Is something the matter?”

What’s the matter, Darling? You noted to yourself.

“Nothing, just curious about a few things.”

Your guest seemed to pick up on your skepticism.

“Is this visage not to your liking?” The figure asked. “I was under the impression that you were quite fond of it.”

“I’m fond of him.” You crossed your arms. “Who are you?”

The figure paused for a moment before answering.

“I’m a friend.”

“That’s specific.” You replied.

“I’m afraid I can’t offer much more detail than that.” The figure leaned back. It was unsettling, watching a body you knew so well move in ways that looked alien.

“You show up in my head wearing my friend’s face—I’m going to need more than that.”

“Friend?” He almost looked like himself as he raised his eyebrows. “How about this: I’m helping protect you.”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but you missed a pretty big fight.”

“Not that kind of protection. Mentally. I’m protecting your mind.”

“My mind?”

“From certain….changes.”

“….oh.”

The guest explained a bit more—about how he was preventing the tadpoles in your head from triggering your party’s transformation into mindflayers. About the cult of the Absolute. And about the strange wriggling tadpoles that you had begun collecting.

“There’s power to be had here.” The figure smiled. He placed his hand on yours. It felt unsettlingly warm. “I can protect you from the changes, and you can use their power to fight against the cult.”

You tried to argue, but the figure stood suddenly.

“I’m needed elsewhere.” He turned. “Please, just consider it.”

And he was gone.

You awoke to Astarion gazing groggily at you, his hand clutching yours. It looked like he hadn’t rested in quite a while. The tent was dark; any candles that had been lit had long since burned out. There was a tightness across your chest and along your arms.

“Astarion?” You groaned. He shot upright at the sound of your voice.

“Tav!” He nearly fell on top of you as he quickly leaned in toward you. “Gods, you had me worried.” He placed a hand to your face.

“Worried that your walking banquet was down for the count?” You chuckled, but his face went white.

“No, Tav.” He stuttered. “You….you’ve been asleep for a few days.”

“Days?!?” You exclaimed.

“Blood loss…..” He turned his gaze to the floor. “You were in bad shape.”

“Gods, Astarion.” Your limbs tried to buckle as you pushed yourself up. “Please tell me you haven’t been blaming yourself because I got hurt in a fight.”

“If it weren’t for what you have been doing for me, you wouldn’t have been this hurt.” His voice waivered weakly. “You’re the only one here I can trust, and you could have….”

“But I didn’t.” You placed a hand reassuringly on his forearm. “Thank you….for staying with me.”

“Of course, darling.” He nodded. His eyes look tired, and he seemed paler than usual.

“Have you been able to hunt?” You asked.

“What?” He seemed in a daze. “Oh, no. I haven’t really….left here…”

“So you’ve just been starving yourself?”

“I had more important things on my mind.” He nodded weakly. “It didn’t feel safe to leave you.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but there are several other people that could have shared something with you.”

“Doubtful” He scoffed.

“Or Halsin could have brought you some game.” The look on his face suggested that he hadn’t thought of that. “…We can still ask him to do that. Wouldn’t want you to get into another bear fight.”

“I’m relieved to see you’re feeling well enough to start being a pain in the ass again.” He sighed.

“You’ve really be putting in the work. You even came to check on me in my dreams.”

“Your dreams?” He tilted his head.

“Well….someone did anyway. It was your face and your voice but they seemed off.”

“Well, clearly nothing compares with the original.” He intoned dramatically.

“Whatever it was, it wanted me to trust them.” You paused. “It wanted me to use more of the tadpoles power. To embrace it more.”

“More power? Intriguing.” He mused.

“It claimed it could protect us from transforming. Made it sound like all upside….” You trailed off. Astarion had perked up at the idea of more power.

“It is certainly a tempting idea. Powerful enemies are everywhere.”

”Power never comes for free, Astarion. You know that.” You frowned. “There is always a cost.”

“A cost I’ll pay, gladly.” He furrowed his brow. “I swore to myself I never wanted to feel powerless again, not after Cazador. And for the past few days, I’ve……I thought I was going to be alone and powerless again. So what do I have to lose?”

“…..Do you really see things that way? That you have nothing to lose?”

“I’m a cursed immortal being, my life has been nothing torment, and whatever was before that I can’t even remember anymore.” He squeezed his balled fist. “I’ve already lost everything I had to lose, what could possibly be left?”

You looked up at him, studying his resolve. He had a wild look in his eyes, like an animal backed into a corner. The last time you saw him like this was when he killed the Gur hunter. This wasn’t Astarion being afraid of losing you—this was him being afraid of losing himself.

“You haven’t lost me. You don’t have to go through any of this alone.”

“I know but—” He stopped himself as he looked for the words. “Tav, please, listen. I—I’m not used to this.” He uncurled his fist and took your hand in his. “To you, to anyone….caring. All I’ve done for centuries is worry about how to keep myself alive. Just, surviving to another day. Now that I’m free I’m…..I’m not sure. I don’t know what to do except keep surviving. The idea of having things to lose is ….unfamiliar.”

His pleading eyes were fixed on yours, searching for some sign that you understood him. You gently brushed the side of his cheek before slipping your fingers into his curled locks and pulling his lips toward yours.

Chapter Text

You felt the tension ease from your body as Tav’s fingers ran through your curled locks, the warmth of their lips pressing against yours as you kissed. The torment of the last few days had weighed heavily on you as Tav lied helplessly in their bedroll, slowly recovering from what had happened to them.

From what *you* had done to them.

For so long you had seen people are mere prey, a perspective reinforced by your heartless master and his insatiable lust for more victims. Letting yourself get attached to anything or anyone was a vulnerability you couldn’t afford to have.

And yet, thanks to the tadpoles, you had found yourself outside of Cazador’s reach and among people—or at least, one person—who was willing to go out of their way to help you. But the past few days had reminded you how tenuous that was.

After Shadowheart asserted that Tav’s dire condition was a result of them feeding you, the rest of the group had seemed to sour on you, based on the dirty looks you were receiving from everyone else in camp. It was your fault that their leader was at death’s door, and it was your fault that they were all now backtracking through the Underdark to find another way toward Moonrise Towers through the Shadowcursed lands. You had come to fully realize how important Tav’s influence was in keeping you in their good graces and away from the pointy end of their swords.

But there was more to it than that, as much as it pained you to admit it.

You had truly come to care about Tav, based on the knots that had formed in your stomach when you realized how weak they were, and how close you had come to losing them. You had cursed Cazador, again and again, for not making you a fully-fledged vampire. If he had, you could have turned them, brought them back from death’s door like you had been. The thought of Tav’s life slipping through your fingers—of an eternity lived without them—was almost too much to bear.

And so you had stayed by their side, your hand clutching theirs, until they finally awoke.

The relief washed over you as you pulled them closer, your chaste kiss quickly deepening as you pressed your body against theirs, desperate to feel their warmth, to feel that they were *alive*. They started to wrap their arms around you but winced as the pain from their cuts began to sting.

“Just lie back, darling.” You cooed as you tucked their bangs behind the soft tip of their ear. “Let me take care of you.”

Tav lied back on their pillow as you gently straddled them and guided their arms carefully out of the way. Once you were satisfied that they were comfortable, you placed another kiss on their parted lips before moving to the side of their neck. You could feel the blood pulsing through their veins, and it took every ounce of self control that you had left not to plunge your teeth into them. But instead, you pressed your lips against the soft skin of their neck before moving down to their collarbone, your hands working in tandem to loosen their clothes as you breathed in the sweet smell of their skin.

Tav hummed with pleasure as you worked, their body moving against yours as your hands worked to expose the soft pale flesh. Having finished untying their loose sleep shirt, you sat up for a moment to take in the sight. Tav looked up at you with pleading, lustful eyes, their lips parted, the soft skin of their pert breasts begging for your attention. You fondled them, gently at first, teasing them as the breathy sounds escaping their throat guided your hands.

Their hips bucked against you, urging you to shift your attention. You felt your cock straining against your trousers, but you were determined to make sure Tav was well taken care of after everything that had happened. Your own needs would have to wait.

You smirked as you place a hand on their inner thigh, the same placement you had so often used when feeding from them. At the beginning, neither of you had openly acknowledged the intimacy of what you had been doing. But now, as the candlelight in the tent flickered over the soft skin of their thighs, dotted with bite marks from your feedings, those feelings couldn’t be ignored. You kissed each of the marks before settling in between their legs. Tav hesitantly moved an arm toward you, gingerly finding a comfortable position as their eyes caught yours. You swiftly removed their undergarments and breathed in their scent.

Tav arched their back as you brought your tongue to the wet folds, their voice changing from soft moans to loud exclamations as you found their clit. Your grip tightened on their thigh as you worked, their fingers grasping at you hair as sounds of pleasure escaped their lips. The others in camp could surely hear what was going on, and you thought for a moment that their dislike for you came from thinking that you were manipulating poor, sweet, innocent Tav. But they never saw Tav like this, they never felt Tav guiding them into more pleasure, never felt Tav moving against them, begging for more.

They didn’t know that in moments like this, with them, the whole rest of the world melted away, until it was just of two of you. No tadpoles, no vampire lords, nobody out to get you. Just Tav.

They didn’t know how good that felt, or how terrifying it had been to think that it almost slipped through your fingers.

“Astarion~” Tav breathed, their hips bucking. “Please…just a little more.”

You obliged, refocusing your mind as your fingers gripped the soft skin around their hips, holding them steady as your tongue worked. You felt their back arching, their voice breaking into a soft chorus of moans as you got them closer. Their whole body tensed as your tongue pushed them closer to the edge, and then released all at once with a sudden squeal as the pleasure washed over them, their wetness soaking the bedroll and the lower half of your face.

They collapsed back onto their pillow, their chest heaving with breath as the feeling overtook their body. You grinned at them as you removed your shirt and wiped your chin with it.

“That was totally worth some anemia,” Tav smiled at you, their cheeks flushed

“Perhaps,” You retorted with a chuckle. “But I don’t think you really needed to sleep for a few days in order for that to happen.”

“I’m going to need to sleep for a few days to *recover* from that happening.” They chuckled.

You paused for a moment, taking in the scene and considering what to do next. As much as your own needs hadn’t been fully met, the sight of Tav so satisfied had given you a different kind of satisfaction. You felt…contented. Just for them to be here, to be with them.

To not be alone.

You sighed as you laid down next to them, pressing yourself against their side as their traced lazy circled with their fingertips along your skin. Your eyelids started to flutter shut, but then their fingers brushed against the raised marks on your back and your body tensed in response.

“Do these…hurt?” Tav asked hesistantly.

You paused for a moment, considering how much you wanted to share.

“Not anymore.” You swallowed. “But they used to. Cazador, he…..he carved those into me one night.”

“Carved? Like, on purpose?” Tav questioned.

“Yes, some sort of poem, he said. But I don’t know what it says.”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, he wasn’t exactly the type to explain anything to us. I…I don’t think it’s written in common.” You stuttered. “I mean, I can’t exactly look in a mirror and check, but I’ve tried to feel them but it…” You sighed. “It just feels like more scars.”

“Would you like me to tell you what it looks like?”

“I….” Your mind raced. You had had these scars for decades, as had your fellow spawn. But none of you had ever bothered to talk to each other about them.

“Yes.” You whispered. “Please.”

You sat up slowly and turned your back towards Tav. You felt them gently place a hand to your back and trace around a circle, their fingers pausing to follow a few shapes.

“It looks like….infernal? Does that sound right?”

“How the bloody hell should I know.” You sighed. Of course Cazador would write in the language of the hells.

“We could ask Karlach, if you want.” Tav offered. “I can’t tell what it says, but it’s all in the same script.”

“No…not right now.” You sighed. “I have more important things to think about.”

You laid back down and wrapped an arm around Tav, pulling them closer.

“Whatever it is, we’ll take care of it together, I promise.” Tav placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. And you knew that they meant it.

You couldn’t decide whether that was more terrifying or comforting. But for right now, you decided to accept the comfort of their gentle embrace and let your mind drift to sleep.

Chapter Text

The soft crunch of leaves under your well-worn boots sounded thunderous in the stillness of the night. You moved carefully through the woods, weaving around branches and brambles as you delved deeper into the mass of trees. Hunger gnawed at you as you willed your sluggish limbs forward, each step a struggle. You needed food. Something, anything to sate your thirst and restore your energy.

A pained squeak echoed softly in the stillness. You froze, waiting for another sound to help you locate the source of the noise. The tinny smell of blood soon entered your nostrils, igniting the fire of bloodlust at your core.

Your patience evaporated instantly as you dashed toward the smell, the thought of food blinding your thoughts. Branches tore at your clothes as you sprinted forward leaving shreds of cloth and drops of blood in your wake. Your vision narrowed and your surroundings became a blur as you moved, the smell growing more and more intoxicating as you came closer.

You fell to your knees with an animalistic hiss when you found your target—a rat, lying bloodied in a small clearing. You reached for it ravenously, desperate for a taste of the blood that was beginning to soak into the cool dirt.

The toe of a polished boot came down inches from your fingers, snapping the rat’s tiny bones like matchsticks and rendering your prey a muddied pile of viscera.

You paused, hand still outstretched, as you tried to process the sudden appearance of that foot. You blinked a few times before slowly raising your head toward the figure now towering over you.

“Now, did I say that it was your dinner time?” A voice cooed viciously.

You froze, a chill running up your spine.

No.

“Now, what am I to do with such a naughty little run away?” The voice was dripping with distain.

No, no, no!

A hand grabbed roughly at your collar, yanking you upwards.

“I can’t decide if I’m more enraged or intrigued that you’ve managed to hide from me this long, but it does appear that you have had help.”

But that help wasn’t here for you now. You were alone in the cold forest, alone with the man who had taken your life and tormented you for centuries.

Alone with Cazador.

“I-I’m not under your thrall any longer.” You tried to sound defiant through your terror.

“I’ve noticed.” Cazador sounded unimpressed. “But of course, that isn’t because you’ve done anything particularly impressive or clever, now is it?” You looked away, unable to face the contempt in his gaze. “You just had the good fortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, nothing more.”

His grip on your collar tightened, dragging your face closer to his. His red eyes gleamed menacingly at you, the way they so often had, in a look that said “you’re powerless to stop me.”

After so many centuries, Cazador rarely had to actually enthrall you, to compel your body to move and puppet you according to his whims. No, his dominance over you was much deeper, a psychological control rooted in years of torture and torment, so deep that it had long since stopped being about fear and had instead plunged into the ceaseless depths of abject hopelessness from which there was seemingly no return.

But now, you did have hope. With the tadpole in place, the backstop of his vampiric power over you was gone. And with them, you had finally started to move, however slowly, out of that pit of lonely hopelessness.

“You’re wrong.” You snarled, trying to hide the tremble in your voice.

“I’m really not.” He mused, a smirk pulling at the edges of his lips. “You’re out here half-starved to death, following some do-gooder whore across the realm while a parasite eats away at your feeble mind, and you’re either too weak, too cowardly, or too vain to take advantage of the opportunity that’s been given to you. And this—“ He gave a sudden yank on your collar before releasing his grasp, sending you tumbling onto the dirt. “—is why you will always be a useless thrall.”

“Opportunity….” You muttered. Hunger and terror cloud your thoughts as you struggle to interpret his words.

“Yes, the opportunity, you useless buffoon.” He snarled. “These tadpoles have immense power, and you’re too weak to claim it for yourself.”

“Pardon me for not wanting to turn into a tentacled monster.” You spat.

“Afraid to give up that pretty face?” He placed an ice-cold hand under your chin, sending a chill through your body. “Letting vanity stand in the way of power is such a waste.”

“Why do you care?” You snarled.

“Now, why wouldn’t I want my favorite toy to be stronger? All the better to serve my needs.” He mused. “And more importantly, I need you to stay alive long enough to make it back home to me.” He released his hold on your jaw. “Either you stay weak, trailing along after that drow whore you’re laughably convinced actually cares about you, and end up dead in a ditch, or you seize that power for yourself and do—well—whatever you want.”

He smiled devilishly at you. You ached to drive the knife in your belt into him, to see those piercing eyes go blank as you drained the life from him. But instead, his taunting smile filled your vision as the woods darkened around you.

And then you woke up.