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“No, Neal.” David’s tone was stern, the same tone he used when telling their kids no. “If it’s not on the list, we’re not getting it, you know that.”
“But Becca…” Neal started, only to be interrupted.
“Don’t even try to pin this one on your daughter, I know you’re buying them for yourself.” David didn’t even look at him as he pushed the cart down the aisle. “Put them back.”
Neal couldn’t help but make a face. When had he become the girl in this relationship anyway? He was probably on a new diet or something because one of the girls in the office had said they thought that he was gaining weight again. It had happened before; he didn’t see the big deal. Whatever, Neal thought he looked good either way. And David’s warning certainly didn’t stop him from sneaking the package inside his hoodie. They’d be at home before David even realized they’d paid for them.
He caught up with David just before they reached the dairy section, but just in case the package of Pop-Tarts was visible, he made sure to stay a step or two behind. However, that lasted about two seconds when he saw David zeroing in on the chocolate milk.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Neal said, making a grab for David’s arm. “If you’re supposed to be on this diet thing-” David made a face at that, grumbling something under his breath. “As I was saying, if you’re on this diet thing, and I can’t bring home Pop-Tarts to our daughter, you’re not going to buy chocolate milk for yourself.”
“It’s for A…” David started, but Neal put a hand up over his mouth to silence him.
“Just stop right there, okay?” Neal gestured to the chocolate milk that was still in David’s hand. “That is regular chocolate milk, AJ is lactose intolerant. That chocolate milk is for you.”
“But I ju-” David started to complain.
“I’ll make you a deal,” Neal suggested. “If you stop that ridiculous diet you’ve got going on,” he could see David wanting to protest, “because you don’t need it, we’ll have pizza tonight and I’ll let you have the chocolate milk. And I get the Pop-Tarts for Becca and myself.”
David stared at him in silence, Neal could almost see him thinking. The fact that David was even considering it made Neal confident that he’d get what he wanted this time. He often did when they had these kinds of staring contests.
“Fine!” David gave in eventually, throwing his hands up in a dramatic fashion. “But just so you know, I know you’ve hidden the Pop-Tarts in your pocket. You’re not as sneaky as you seem to think, Tiemann.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The innocent act had worked when they were seventeen, maybe it still did. It was worth a shot. By the look on David’s face, it really didn’t.
David didn’t say anything. He did, however, stick his hand in the pocket of Neal’s hoodie and pulled out the two pack of Pop-Tarts, cocking an eyebrow as he held it up for both of them to see. “That act doesn’t work anymore, you know. I’m a father now, I know when people try to lie to me.”
Neal couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Whatever dude, let’s just finish shopping.” He grabbed two cartons of chocolate milk – one regular and one for AJ – and put them in the cart. “I don’t trust Andrew with the kids for too long.” Really, you never knew what to expect when you got back after leaving them with Andrew for more than five minutes.
They found the items on their list pretty quickly after that. Well, there was the discussion of which kind of bread they should get. David wanted to get the one that was actually good for the kids, with fiber and stuff. Who ate that anyway? Neal sure as hell wouldn’t. In they end they’d opted for one loaf of toast and one loaf of what was good for the kids, Neal still didn’t know what it was called.
“Do we need condoms?” David asked, stopping in the middle of the aisle – the aisle where they’d just picked up the diapers. He sure knew how to set the mood. There was a mother with a young child, and Neal could see her jaw fall open before she covered her son’s ears with her hands, glaring at David. Neal had to bite his lower lip to hold back the laugh threatening to slip out. That got him his own glare from the woman as she passed.
“No, David, we don’t need condoms,” Neal managed to say in a calm manner before he couldn’t hold back the laughter anymore.
David looked at him, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?” he asked, sounding puzzled. That only made Neal laugh even harder.
“You…” he started between fits of laughter. “You… Did you see her face?” he said as he finally managed to stop laughing.
“Whose face?” David looked at him over his shoulder, before he went back to studying the diapers again. “What are you talking about?”
“Seriously? That woman didn’t exactly look impressed,” Neal said, smirking. “Probably shouldn’t be talking about adult things in the section most likely to be inhibited by kids. Well, other than the candy section that is.”
David finally decided on which type of diapers to get. “Say what?”
“Oh, never mind,” Neal threw his hands up in frustration. “Let’s just go home, please?”
“Oookay then.” David pushed the cart forward, looking at Neal like he was the crazy one. As they made their way to the cash register, he could see David snagging small packs of candy on the way there. Neal smiled; he knew it.
They’d stood in line for less than two minutes when David leaned over and whispered in Neal’s ear, “Who’s that woman and why is she staring at me? Do I have something on my face?”
Neal followed David’s line of sight, what he saw making him chuckle again. “Because you talked about condoms in front of her kid, David. And no, you don’t have anything on your face. Well, nothing except for your regular ugliness…” That earned him an elbow in the side.
“Ha ha, very funny, Neal,” David said in mock annoyance. “Seriously though,” he continued, looking over at the woman with a smirk. “Do we need condoms?”
The End