Archive of Our Own ^beta

It starts like this: air conditioner humming against their sweaty skin, and the unforgiving September sun still raging on outside, filtering in through the closed curtains. The neighbor’s dog has been barking like a madman for the last half-hour. There’s the unmistakable jingle of the ice-cream truck outside, peddling Klondike Bars and Creamsicles and whatnot to the kids on the block, who are playing among the sprinklers. Summer vacation is ending in approximately a week, and Kai and Soobin have been spending it in the most fulfilling manner possible: lazing around in Soobin’s room.

His parents are gone for the weekend, so they’ve got the whole house to themselves. Soobin’s currently engrossed in a ranked game of League, swearing up a storm at his gaming monitor. His setup’s been decked out to hell and back: complete with a Razer light-up rainbow keyboard, and one of those wrist support mouse pads—the wrist support in question taking the form of some anime girl’s boobs. You could blame (or thank, your mileage may vary) Beomgyu for that; it was a gag gift for Soobin’s birthday. Rave reviews from the birthday boy, though. For the anime girl titties or for the comfort? Who knows.

Though Kai dabbles in League occasionally—mostly because of Soobin and Beomgyu’s bad influence, and Arcane coming out—he’s not nearly as degenerate as they are. That is, there’s still hope for him to integrate normally into society. Instead of driving himself to League-induced insanity, he’s laying down on Soobin’s bed, in the middle of not-so covertly reading a smutty BL manhwa. Pirated, of course, on a suspicious-looking site littered with pop-ups advertising hot singles in his area and hentai games that were “guaranteed to make you cum within five minutes!” Kai would love to support the artists, but he had too much shame to spend real money on reading (however well-drawn) porn of 2D men.

He’s just gotten to the actual sex, eyes zoned in on a lightsaber-like dick—his least favorite method of censorship, mind you, but the art is too pretty for him to drop it—when he hears the distinctive sound of Soobin slamming down his cat-ear headset and angrily rolling his chair away from his desk.

“Fuckkkkkk!” Soobin swears as he slumps down on the bed next to Kai, sour-faced and with crossed arms. All signs point to a severely bad loss. A massive L, if you will. “Stupid fucking piece of shit trash game, I swear to god. Fuck Riot Games. Fuck them! I’m quitting this time, for real.”

However vehement he might sound, Kai has known Soobin long enough to know that it’s an empty threat. For nearly half a decade now, his best friend has been embroiled in a toxic, love-hate (mostly hate), on-and-off relationship with League of Legends. Every time that he claims to be quitting once and for all, he ends up reopening the game within the span of a week. What keeps him coming back? Kai isn’t sure, but if he had to guess, it’s probably the concerning amount of money he’s spent on skins. Perhaps he’s also just a bit of a masochist.

“Did you get called a homophobic slur again?”

“Worse. Someone called me bot diff. Bot diff! Can you believe it? The fucking nerve!”

Ouch. If there’s one thing Soobin doesn’t take lightly, it’s any sort of insult to his finely-honed League skills. “Sorry, hyung. That’s tough.”

“And I’m at 0 LP,” Soobin grumbles. “I just got to Diamond IV! For the third time this year! If I get fucking demoted again, I swear to god.”

“You won’t,” Kai replies, eyes still glued to his phone screen. Man, if only it was uncensored. Stupid Korean censorship laws. “I’m rooting for you.”

“I hope so. ‘Cause if I do, I'll never hear the end of it from Beomgyu, that bastard,” Soobin sighs.

If anyone thought Soobin was a League addict, they clearly hadn’t seen Beomgyu, who finally achieved his life’s goal of reaching Master after having way too much free time this summer. Now it was his entire personality and civic duty to gloat in Soobin’s face about it, much to his chagrin: He had been stuck in a never-ending limbo between Plat I and Diamond IV for the past year. That’s why Kai doesn’t bother with that rank nonsense. Personally, he was just happy to reach Plat IV, even if he got demoted back to Gold I within a week.

Soobin leans over, nestling his head into the crook of Kai’s neck. “Whatcha doing?”

Before he can see anything incriminating, Kai quickly shuts his phone off, tossing it aside like he’s been burnt. Even if Soobin is aware of his…literary preferences, for lack of better words, that doesn’t mean he’s any more keen on showing him. “Nothing.”

“Are you reading your gay porn again?”

“It is not gay porn,” Kai hisses defensively. “It’s BL manhwa.”

“They’re gay. And they’re fucking. It’s gay porn.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, don’t give me that face, you know I’m the last person that would judge. Let me see.” Before Kai can protest, Soobin grabs his phone and unlocks it. Though at this point, he doesn’t really care. They’ve known each other too long; they have no secrets to hide from each other. Plus they’re even; he has Soobin’s password too. “What’s this? Dangerous Convenience Store?”

“I mean, yeah, that’s the title…”

“Woah. They have an insane height difference,” Soobin comments, scrolling through the panels. “Is that what you’re into?”

“I’d have a really hard time finding a boyfriend if I was only into guys taller than I am.”

“You already do, taller or not.”

Kai narrows his eyes. “Watch it, virgin.”

“Hey!” Soobin pouts. Yep, he hit a sore spot. “You can’t call me that. You of all people shouldn’t be calling me that.”

“Me being a virgin doesn’t make you any less of a virgin.”

“You’re so mean to me, Hueningie,” Soobin pouts. “After everything we’ve been through!”

“Hmph,” Kai sniffs, plucking his phone from Soobin’s hands and turning away from him defiantly. No, maybe he wasn’t getting any action with real men. But neither was Soobin, so he couldn’t be too upset about it. At least he could watch fictional men get some on his behalf and live vicariously through them.

Outside, the sun continues beating down relentlessly on the sizzling concrete. The yappy little chihuahua next door finally quiets down. The final notes of ‘The Entertainer’ fade away into the distance as the ice-cream truck drives off to its next post. The remnants of their last summer in suburbia disintegrate before them. At least it had been a summer well-spent: rife with late-night drives, boba runs, and birthday bashes—Kai’s eighteenth last month, and Yeonjun’s nineteenth just last week, that hag.

And now said hag was in the middle of freshman orientation week on the other side of the country, as was the rest of their friend group. Time really does fly. Just a few months ago, they were tossing their graduation caps and hopes and dreams up into the air. Now, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, and Taehyun were hundreds or thousands of miles away, only existing through the occasional FaceTime. Everyone had gone their separate ways, except for Kai and Soobin, who had opted to attend the same college, not too far from home.

I’ll go where you go, they had once said to each other as kids. Perhaps they had taken the sentiment too seriously. Where Kai went, Soobin followed, and vice-versa. A package deal. A two-for-one special. Though, no one wanted either of them to begin with. A bit self-deprecating, but could it really be considered self-deprecation if it was true?

“You know, we’re starting college in a week.”

Kai looks up from his manhwa at the sound of Soobin’s voice. “And we’re still virgins,” he continues. “Can you believe it?”

“I can, actually,” Kai replies dryly, as he returns to his daily reading. “And so can our entire graduating class, apparently.”

No, seriously: When they were voting for senior superlatives, the rest of their class had unofficially voted him and Soobin as Most Likely to Die a Virgin. Within the span of an hour, it became the most liked post on the class Instagram account. Terribly mean, and the post was swiftly taken down after Beomgyu spammed their DMs with death threats and doxxed the account owners—ever their knight in shining armor. But the damage was already done.

Whereas Beomgyu got Most Likely to Become a YouTuber, Yeonjun got Best Dressed, and Taehyun got Most Likely to Win a Nobel Prize, the only appearances Kai and Soobin made in the yearbook—apart from their senior photos—were for being co-presidents of the Japanese Media Appreciation Club, which was just a glorified way of saying anime and manga club. Well, Kai had some shots in the school orchestra feature pages for being their piano accompanist, but that certainly wasn’t earning him any ‘cool’ points.

Speaking of his senior photos: Kai will forever resent his mom for making him get braces late, right before senior year started. He had begged her so many times to just bite the bullet and let him get them earlier on, and she had dismissed him every time, claiming his teeth weren’t that bad. Then he paid a visit to his dentist aunt last summer, which revealed that his back teeth were misaligned and he needed to get braces immediately to prevent developing chewing problems. That was how he ended up in the back of the cafeteria on senior portrait day, grinning into the camera with a gleaming mouth of metal. While he desperately begged his mom to choose the one photo with a closed-mouth smile for the yearbook, she insisted that the braces were ‘adorable.’

Kai had been determined to start fresh in college, but his new set of braces made that impossible. To make matters worse, he wasn’t due to get them off until freshman year was over. At least he could hide the fact that he was a virgin. He couldn’t exactly hide his metal mouth, meaning his college career was over before it even started.

“Do you think they’re right, though?” Soobin says it quietly, almost pensively.

“Who?”

“Everyone in our grade. That we’re gonna die virgins.”

“What? Of course not,” Kai dismisses. “Don’t be dramatic. We’ll lose it in college for sure.”

“Do you really think that?” Soobin raises an eyebrow.

Kai sucks in his cheeks. It’s what he’d like to believe, at least. The fact that he hasn’t lost his virginity yet certainly isn’t the end of the world for Kai, but he won’t lie and say that when Beomgyu and Yeonjun started dating, he hadn’t been even slightly envious-slash-curious. Like any other guy his age, he’s definitely fantasized more than once about what sex would feel like. If it really felt as good as people made it seem. Probably a side effect of reading too much yaoi. And gay doujinshi (and webtoons, and fanfiction). People aren’t wrong; it really does poison the youth.

“Yeah?” His voice falters slightly, like he’s desperately trying to brainwash himself into believing the words coming out of his mouth. “Tons of people don’t lose it until college.”

“I guess…” Soobin trails off. “I don’t know. I guess what you said earlier, and the whole Taehyun thing…had me overthinking a bit, that’s all.”

Kai’s forehead creases. “What Taehyun thing?”

“He didn’t tell you yet?” Soobin raises an eyebrow. “That he lost his virginity last week to some DL guy from Grindr?”

“Taehyun?” Kai’s jaw drops, as does his phone onto his lap. “Kang Taehyun? Our Taehyun?”

“Who else would I be talking about? Apparently they got cum on the backseat of his brand new car. Gross, right?”

All of a sudden, Kai feels sick to his stomach. Throughout high school—particularly after Beomgyu and Yeonjun started dating—he, Soobin, and Taehyun had found solidarity in the fact that they were destined to be bitchless. To think that they had once laughed and and commiserated over their woes of being unable to pull—which was even more humiliating for Kai and Taehyun, being (technically) bi and having twice the amount of options available. And now, Taehyun was out fucking guys from Grindr? And DL guys, at that? He hadn’t even known Taehyun downloaded that vile app. Kai has the vaguest impulse to spray paint WHORE in a tasteful shade of red across the side of Taehyun’s brand new Hyundai Elantra, a graduation gift from his parents.

“Traitor,” Kai spits, crossing his arms. “I can’t believe he told you first and not me. What the hell?”

“To be fair, I don’t think he was planning on telling me that early either. It was when we all got KBBQ for Yeonjun’s birthday and he picked me and Beomgyu up. I was sitting in the back, and, well…”

“Ewww.” Safe to say, Kai wasn’t ever getting into Taehyun’s car again. “Did he top or bottom?”

“Bottom. He wasn’t sure, but he ended up really liking it. He said he really wants to top, though. He always gave off the vibe of a vers, anyway.”

“Hm.”

They fall quiet for a second, until Soobin speaks up again. “What do you think you’d be?”

“For what? Sex?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I’ve never really thought about it. Not like I’ve had the chance to experiment.”

“What, you’ve never played with your ass?”

“Soobin, what the fuck.”

“I mean, have you?”

“Why do you wanna know so bad?”

“I’m just curious! It’s a yes or no question, Hueningie.”

Kai presses his lips into a thin line. Okay, yeah, maybe there was that one time a few months ago when he tried fingering himself in the shower using hair conditioner as lube. Stupid idea in retrospect, but it made sense to him at the time: slippery, oily…plus, easy cleanup since he was already in the shower. At a surface level, it seemed like a good replacement for the real thing. In theory, not in practice. Needless to say, while he did manage to stick a finger or two up there, it absolutely did not end well.

Would he try it again? Maybe. Without the conditioner, obviously. But that specific time is a burning (in the most literal sense of the word) secret he’s planning on taking to the grave.

“No,” he eventually lies.

“Liar. I don’t believe that for a second.” Ugh. Soobin could always see right through him. Probably a side effect of having known each other since sixth grade.

Kai averts his gaze, cheeks more inflamed than his asshole after he shoved conditioner inside it. “Am not.”

“Sounds like what a liar would say. Are too.”

“Whatever,” Kai firmly dismisses. “It’s none of your business.”

“Oh, come on. What’s so embarrassing about it? It can’t be worse than the time you tried asking Wonyoung to the eighth grade dance—”

He can’t help himself. As soon as Wonyoung’s name leaves Soobin’s mouth, like a knee-jerk reaction, Kai bursts out in a fit of laughter—but there isn’t anything behind those gleaming eyes and vacant smile. “Choi Soobin, do you want to die?”

Though Kai has spent years trying to repress that awful memory, he still recalls it clear as day. They were in the same algebra class, and with each iteration of the seating chart, they somehow always ended up next to each other. Kai thought it was destiny, that they were made to find each other in every universe (or something equally as corny). Unfortunately, it was just RNG luck. Thankfully, she had been nice about it, but her friend group made fun of him relentlessly, coming up to his and Soobin’s lunch table just to laugh in his face and call him a creep. Middle schoolers really could be so cruel. Even though it’s been a solid four years since that incident, Kai hasn’t forgotten, considering it followed him through high school and sealed his reputation as a ‘weirdo.’ All for having a crush.

That was also the last time Kai ever liked a girl, on record. Sometimes he thinks the trauma got to him.

“Sorry, sorry!” Soobin holds his hands up in surrender, genuine fear in his eyes. “Stop staring at me like that, holy shit, you’re scary when you’re mad. But I’m just saying, there’s worse things you could admit to. Like, have you ever tried sucking your own dick?”

“How would that even work?” Kai furrows his eyebrows. “I think I’d break my back trying.”

“Well, if we’re being honest, I tried it once.” Kai stares incredulously at his best friend. Somehow, he’s barely surprised. “Actually, I did it. Isn’t that crazy? Like I got half of it in my mouth. But it felt less like my dick was getting sucked and more like I was sucking someone else’s dick. So it kinda sucked. Would not recommend.”

And in all honesty, while it was kind of impressive that he could contort his body to that degree, Soobin giving himself a blow job was certainly an image he could’ve gone his whole life without. “Hyung, why are you even asking me these questions?”

Now, Kai isn’t a prude. The furthest thing from it, really: He unashamedly reads extremely NSFW hardcore BL smut in front of his best friend. Hell, they’ve watched hentai together before during sleepovers, beneath the blankets and with earbuds in. But he’d like to think that he has just a little more dignity than Soobin. Though if he’s being honest with himself, their degrees of perversion aren’t that far off from each other. At the end of the day, they’re teenage boys, after all. Kai just does a better job of hiding it, and Soobin just doesn’t give a fuck—Kai has never seen anyone so utterly shameless.

“Well…can you guess?”

Kai smiles tightly. Honestly, he’s not in the mood for Soobin’s jokes right now, at least not after the whole Wonyoung thing. “I’m not feeling very patient today, Soobin-hyung. Now, if you don’t quit it with your little guessing games and tell me within the next five seconds—”

“Okay okay okay, sorry!” Soobin cuts him off frantically. “Okay, uh…how do I say this? Promise me you won’t freak out.”

“Okay…?”

His best friend twiddles his thumbs, sucking in his cheeks. “I was just thinking…what if we lost our virginities…to each other?”

Kai’s eyeball twitches. “Is this some sort of sick joke, Choi Soobin?”

“What—no!”

“‘Cause I don’t think it’s funny. I’m leaving,” Kai threatens, starting to get up.

“Wait!” Soobin grabs his arm, pulling him back down. “Listen, I know, it sounds weird, but…hear me out. You’ve seen me naked. I’ve seen you naked. You’re my best friend. We’re comfortable with each other. And it’d be both of our first times, so no judgment. Wouldn’t it be more convenient to lose it to each other over some random hook-up?”

Kai shakes his head. “You’re crazy. I am not fucking you.”

“…Okay, who said you would be fucking me?”

“Because I’ve seen your dick, and there’s no way you’re letting that thing near my ass. And what do you even know about sex?”

“I’ve studied up on the theory,” Soobin says proudly, tweaking his blue light glasses. Those damn glasses pissed Kai off so bad. He wasn’t even nearsighted; he was just wearing them for the aesthetic. Meanwhile, Kai suffered for years before his mom finally relented and let him get contacts, which was shortly followed by him getting braces. He couldn’t catch a break, for fuck’s sake.

“You mean ‘watched a shit ton of Twitter porn?’” Kai scoffs. “That’s not a reliable reference.”

“And what experience do you have? Reading about 2D men fucking each other doesn’t count and doesn’t make it any more socially acceptable, by the way.”

“Neither does watching Twitter porn? And you of all people shouldn’t be saying that to me. Don’t think I didn’t see the SatoSugu doujins in your private tabs that one time. You’re into some weird shit.”

“Hey!” Soobin whines. “You promised you weren’t gonna bring that up.”

“Hmph,” Kai sniffs, crossing his arms. “Serves you right for bringing up Wonyoung.”

“I said I was sorry!” he pouts. There he goes again with that face Kai can never say no to. “No, but really. I know it sounds crazy, but I mean. I wouldn’t mind losing it to you. My virginity.”

When Kai doesn’t respond, looking at Soobin warily, he adds: “Okay, let me put it like this: Do you wanna die a virgin, Kai? ‘Cause if we’re being realistic, I don’t think either of us are getting any action anytime soon.”

Kai thinks of Taehyun and the cum stains in the backseat of his Elantra, cursing him silently in the back of his head. That bastard. The thing is, Kai does want to lose his virginity, but not to just anyone. Though it’s a tale that will repeat itself time and time again—sheltered high school kid goes to college away from home and wilds out on sex, drugs, and alcohol—he’s not the type to be susceptible to that behavior. He’s never been a fan of the concept of hook-ups. Ideally, he would’ve lost it to his first relationship, but the chances of him finding a boyfriend any time in the near future seemed depressingly slim.

And if he really thinks about it, he supposes he wouldn’t mind having his first time with Soobin. He’s not bad-looking at all—Kai’s always thought that, best friend bias aside. Perhaps his reputation as anime club co-president preceded him, deterring most people from getting to know him further. Or his perverted personality, but maybe those two things went hand-in-hand.

“What’s in it for me?” Kai asks.

“Huh?”

“I said, what’s in it for me?”

Does it sound like he’s exploiting Soobin? No, that feels a bit harsh. Kai prefers to call it a mutual exchange: him agreeing to let Soobin take his virginity, and whatever Soobin had to offer him. Sure, his friendship with Soobin was unconditional. His virginity, however, was not.

“…The comfort of having your first time be with me, your best friend in the whole wide world?”

Eh. “And?”

“And…and I’ll buy you Nitro for a month?” Soobin offers weakly. “That’s all I can afford, sorry…I’m kinda broke right now.”

Leave it to Soobin to be a damn good persuader. Kai couldn’t possibly turn free Nitro down. And he didn’t even have to be someone’s Discord kitten to get it.

“…Okay, fine,” Kai huffs. “God, this is so weird.”

“It’s not that weird,” Soobin says calmly, pulling his shirt over his head. Kai stares intently at the way it rides up his chest. For someone who claims that you can’t pay him to step foot in a gym, he has a surprisingly defined body. “What’s that thing they say? Friends who lose their virginity together, stay together, or something?”

Nobody has ever said that, but Kai digresses.

“Hey, why are you just sitting there?” The sudden interjection snaps Kai out of his daze. Soobin’s only in his underwear now. Naked. Soobin’s standing in front of him, naked. This was starting to feel a little too real for his taste. “Aren’t you gonna take off your clothes?”

Kai hastily tugs off his shirt—a Uniqlo graphic tee from their Spy X Family collab, they had matching ones—and tosses it carelessly aside, along with his shorts and socks. Now that he’s down to his boxer briefs, he’s got the unconscious and dying urge to shrink in on himself. Even though it’s just Soobin, who’s seen it a dozen times before, Kai has never felt comfortable showing off his own naked body. In the locker room during gym class, he’d always change in a corner facing the wall. He hates the idea of being perceived in general, much less his body—yet another reason why hook-ups could never be for him. And yet here he is now, the most naked he’s ever been in front of anyone, about to have sex with his best friend of nearly a decade.

Life comes at you fast.

The mattress creaks lightly as Soobin maneuvers himself atop him, caging Kai’s body between his legs. Kai instinctively shies his head away, sinking his head further into the plush pillow.

“Hey,” Soobin says bluntly, as leans down to pinch Kai’s face between his fingers, tilting his head to face him. “Why aren’t you looking at me? Kai-yah.”

“…‘Cause.”

“‘Cause what?”

“‘Cause I’m embarrassed—stop looking at me like that!” Kai whines, cheeks burning.

“It’s just me, Hueningie,” Soobin snorts. “But if you want, you can pretend I’m your precious little Wony if that helps.”

“Oh, fuck y—”

Before Kai can protest, Soobin’s pushing him down into the mattress, crashing their lips together without hesitation. He jerks back, briefly caught off-guard by the abruptnness of it all, but quickly kisses back with equal vigor.

This is weird. This is definitely fucking weird, past the point of weird, even. But at the same time, Kai doesn’t want it to stop. He’s kissing Soobin. He’s making out with his best friend, the boy he used to trade Pokémon cards with during lunch, the boy he played Smash Bros with every other day after school. His first kiss and Soobin’s first kiss. Their first kiss. It’s not a good one—too much teeth for Kai’s liking, and overly wet, and he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing with his tongue or his hands, but they’re starting to find a steady rhythm.

Soobin grinds down on Kai’s underwear-covered dick, drawing a breathy moan out of him. He hooks a finger inside the waistband of Kai’s underwear, dragging it down to reveal his bare cock. Kai eagerly helps him slide it off, and tugs incessantly at the offending fabric of Soobin’s briefs until they’re both completely naked. He’s sporting a raging hard-on, and he feels like he should be slightly embarrassed that he’s come this undone just from kissing and grinding, but from what he can feel, Soobin’s in a similar state.

It’s been a while since he last saw Soobin’s dick in the flesh. The last time was sophomore year, when they had a dick measuring contest during a sleepover. Back then, Soobin had won by a landslide, and now, well—some things never change. As they rut their dicks against each other, Kai can feel Soobin’s massive length brushing against his own. He’s always thought it was fucking unfair—the fact that they’re practically the same height, yet Soobin’s dick is so much bigger than his own. No, that’s not how it works, but Kai resents it regardless. He’d been proud of his own size, just a little bit above average. A respectable size. And then Soobin had to put him to shame with the fucking monster between his legs. It really wasn’t close.

Kai bucks his hips helplessly, searching for even the slightest amount of friction. It’s crazy what going eighteen years without sex will do to you. It’s crazy what being touched by something other than your right hand will do to you. Not that Kai doesn’t appreciate what his right hand has done for him his whole teenage life—it’s gotten him through some tough times—but when this whole thing is done and over, he knows he’ll never quite be able to go back. When Soobin wraps a single fist around both of their dicks, Kai gasps, thrusting into his grasp. The fact that Soobin’s hand is big enough to encase the both of them so easily—it makes him positively dizzy.

Soobin breaks their kiss first, earning a tiny whine from the boy beneath him. “Okay, uh…now what?”

“Aren’t you the one that suggested all of this?”

“Uh…I didn’t really think that far ahead.”

“Clearly,” Kai groans.

“Can you suck my dick? I wanna know what it feels like. You know, when I’m not doing it by myself.”

“But what if I want my dick sucked?”

“Hey, nobody said we couldn’t do both.” A lightbulb visibly goes off in Soobin’s head, and he poorly stifles his laughter. “You know what that’s called, Kai-yah?”

Kai chokes on his spit briefly, but quickly recomposes himself and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, sixty-nine, whatever. You’re so immature.”

As expected, Soobin bursts out in a fit of giggles as soon as the words ‘sixty-nine’ leave his mouth. “It’s really not that funny.”

“Uh huh. Don’t lie, I saw you laugh,” Soobin replies, getting off Kai and laying down next to him. “You get on top.”

“Why me?”

“‘Cause.” Soobin slides a hand under and squeezes Kai’s ass. Hard. “I think I’ll like the view better from down here.”

“You’re disgusting,” Kai grumbles, but he obeys the order anyway. He sits up, positioning himself so that he’s facing away from Soobin. His knees straddle Soobin’s broad shoulders, ass and dick hovering over the other boy’s face. In any other circumstance, this would be humiliating, but he feels like they’ve long surpassed that point.

“Not my fault your ass is huge. Can you blame me?” Soobin says crudely, giving it a hard smack. And then another. And then another. Enough times that Kai wonders if there’s a massive red welt in the shape of Soobin’s hand on his ass cheeks right now. It sure as hell stings like it.

It’s nothing he isn’t used to, though: It was just a universally-acknowledged truth in their friend group that Kai—despite never having done a squat in his entire life—had a shockingly firm and round…posterior, meaning he was frequently subjected to a good old spank. Though he wasn’t the only victim: their group had made slapping each other’s butts a bad habit, regardless of size. They can’t be bothered to keep count at this rate, but Yeonjun had to be the worst offender by far.

“What the hell are you even doing?” Kai cranes his neck back to glare at him. “Are you gonna suck my dick or just keep slapping my ass?”

“Sorry. It’s just fun watching it jiggle, y’know? It’s so bouncy. Maybe next time you can try sitting on my face.”

“Can you stop being weird and just suck my dick?” Kai groans.

“Okay, okay! So impatient,” Soobin mutters, spitting lightly into his palm. He holds Kai’s dick in his palm, stroking it gently and coating it with his own saliva. Absolutely nothing can prepare him for what comes next, which is Soobin wrapping his hand around his dick and tapping the head lightly before saying:

“Helloooooo? Is this thing on?”

“Are you using my dick as a microphone?” This boy has never taken anything in his life seriously, ever. “Hyung, I’m going to strangle you—ah!”

All of a sudden, there’s a super warm, super wet sensation at the tip of his cock. “What are you doing?” Kai yelps, unconsciously thrusting down into Soobin’s waiting mouth. “Shit!”

Soobin releases his dick from his mouth with a light ‘pop’ and looks at him pointedly. “Uh, sucking your dick, obviously? And jeez, you could’ve given me a warning. I almost fucking choked.”

“Fuck,” Kai hisses, the feeling from before returning once Soobin’s lips wrap around his cock again. It takes all of his willpower to restrain his hips from moving too suddenly. But he can’t stay completely still: He gently fucks Soobin’s throat, trying to keep conscious of how much he’s shoving down at once. Either Soobin’s a natural at giving blow jobs, or the auto-fellatio incident wasn’t just a one-time-thing. He pays extra attention to Kai’s painfully sensitive tip, lavishing it with his tongue and sending Kai’s thighs trembling. Warm, wet, and ticklish. God, it feels so fucking weird, but in a good way. Way better than his hand.

He’s so preoccupied by the warmth of Soobin’s mouth that he almost forgets he’s supposed to be sucking Soobin off too. Kai eyes Soobin’s cock warily: There’s no way he can fit all of that in his mouth, and he can’t say he’s ever had a dying urge to suck dick, especially one of that size. But he figures it’s the least he can do for his best friend. Hesitantly, Kai takes Soobin’s length into his hand, lowering his head until his lips brush against it. His tongue darts out, giving little, kittenish licks to the tip. The vague saltiness of the precum beading at the tip melts over his tongue. Then, he takes the leap, taking Soobin’s cock into his mouth.

Kai’s positive that he looks absolutely stupid right now—cheeks stuffed full, eyes watering, mouth working overtime to produce enough spit, drool leaking from the corners of his mouth and dripping down Soobin’s shaft. His jaw aches, lips swollen from stretching themselves out to accommodate Soobin’s sheer size. He feels bad: He knows his teeth are more or less scraping against the skin of Soobin’s dick, but he can’t help it. His mouth can only stretch so far.

At one particularly toothy suck, Soobin jerks slightly, releasing Kai’s cock from his mouth momentarily. “Ow, can you use less teeth? I swear, your braces are this close to tearing my dick apart.”

Now, Kai is, for the most part, a pretty even-tempered person, but at the mention of his braces, he shoots Soobin a nasty glare. He was trying his best, alright? It wasn’t his fault Soobin’s dick was so huge. “It’s not even touching my braces. Keep up that attitude, though, and I might use even more.”

With a vengeance this time, Kai resumes bobbing up and down on Soobin’s dick, though he can’t take him more than halfway without gagging. Black spots and fat tears cloud his vision each time the tip hits the back of his throat, but he doesn’t care, not when he feels this good. He can feel Soobin take more and more of him into his mouth, can feel him plant his hands on Kai’s ass, kneading the flesh roughly as Kai’s hips stutter into his open mouth. And Soobin just takes it, deepthroating Kai like a natural.

He barely processes it when he cums with a cry into Soobin’s mouth, unexpectedly fast. A full-body shudder runs through him as he spills his load down his best friend’s throat. He lets go of Soobin’s dick, curling his head down to look back at Soobin. There’s a thin strand of semen connecting Soobin’s lips to Kai’s dick, and the boy darts out his tongue to clean it up, swallowing it down and licking his lips for good measure. God.

“Why didn’t you cum, too?” Kai whines, embarrassed that he not only came fast but was the only one to. Either he’s overly sensitive, or Soobin has a ridiculous amount of stamina.

Soobin shrugs. “I think I jacked off to too much Twitter porn. I don’t cum that easily anymore.”

“God, you’re such a perv,” Kai grimaces.

“And I’m your best friend, so what does that say about you?” Soobin shoots back. He slaps Kai’s ass for the billionth time. “Get under me. I’m gonna fuck you.”

Kai balks. “Huh? Who said I was bottoming?”

“Uh, I did? You can top me next time.”

“Why me, what the hell?”

“‘Cause you’re the only one out of us who’s ever put anything up their ass.”

“It was only one time!” Kai groans.

Soobin looks up with a sly grin. “So you have tried putting something up your ass.”

Fuck. That dirty bastard tricked him. Goddamn loaded question. “Whatever. How are you even gonna fuck me? Do you even have lube?”

“Uh…no,” Soobin admits. “But can’t we just use spit?”

“Are you crazy?” There’s no way he’s being serious. “You’re gonna tear my asshole open like that.”

“Okay, let’s see, uh…” Soobin starts, leaning over to inspect his desk. He reaches for a bottle of Cetaphil, scrutinizing the label. “I have lotion…?”

“You are not putting Cetaphil in my ass, Soobin, are you kidding me? You’re gonna give me an infection.” Kai looks scandalized. “Do you have coconut oil? I think you can use that.”

“Coconut oil? Uh, I think my mom does…give me a sec,” Soobin says, setting the Cetaphil back on his desk. He gently shifts Kai’s body aside and gets up, walking out the door. Kai can hear the haphazard clangs and thunks of Soobin shuffling around the kitchen cupboards. Finally, the other boy returns with a hefty tub of ‘organic virgin’ coconut oil, whatever that means. He sets it down on his desk, uncapping the lid.

“Do I just rub it into my hands?” Soobin asks, sticking his finger straight into the white, half-solidified substance and digging out a sizable dollop.

“I guess…? I don’t know, I just read it online.”

“Well, here goes nothing,” Soobin mutters as he crawls onto the bed. He lays Kai flat on his back and spreads his legs apart, exposing his virgin hole. He holds his coconut oil-covered fingers up to his nose and sniffs lightly. The oil is already starting to melt. “Woah, it really does smell like coconuts.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Kai mutters breathily.

“Man, my sheets are gonna smell like coconuts now,” he complains, rubbing the oil further between his fingers until it’s completely liquefied and running down his palm. “Actually? I guess that’s not a bad thing…”

He uses the pad of his thumb to trace Kai’s rim, oiling it up generously before he edges the first finger inside. It’s met with a little resistance, but his hole eventually gives way.

“You know my mom uses this for her skin, right?” Soobin grimaces.

“Can you not talk about your mom when you have your fingers in my ass?” Kai groans.

Soobin keeps pushing the finger in, until it’s firmly nestled inside. It’s a weird, foreign feeling—like something’s in there that’s not supposed to be there. It doesn’t hurt, but Kai’s not too sure if he enjoys the feeling. Plus, Soobin’s fingers are huge, but everything about him is huge, really. Even the stretch of just one makes Kai’s stomach feel uncomfortably hot. Instinctively, he moves to close his legs shut, but Soobin spreads them wide open again. He pumps the single digit in and out of Kai’s lubed-up asshole at a steady pace, crooking it inside him to prepare him for the next finger.

Then the second finger breaches his entrance, and while the initial stretch of it burns for a split-second, it’s not necessarily in a bad way. Pain quickly dissipates into pleasure the more Soobin works him open, every thrust accompanied by the wet squelch of the coconut oil. Kai grips the cotton sheets between his fingers, crumpling up the fabric. Even though they’ve been at this for seemingly forever, the scene isn’t any less surreal: his best friend finger-fucking his asshole open with coconut oil, of all things. Is this is really what his life has come to?

For a brief second, Kai wonders if his mom would be disappointed that he’s engaging in premarital sex, but he’s pretty sure he’s already long disappointed her by having his only real extracurricular be the anime club. At least he held a leadership position (?).

“It’s like, sucking my fingers in,” Soobin comments, thrusting his fingers in and out. “You sure you’re not just a bottom?”

“Do you ever stop talking—fuck!” Kai hisses, feeling Soobin’s fingers prod against a certain spot inside him that makes him absolutely keen. “Do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Whatever you just did, Soobin, please,” Kai gasps.

“You’re like this just off two fingers,” Soobin murmurs, beginning to pick up the tempo. “How are you going to last with my dick inside you?”

“Right,” Kai retorts sarcastically through shuddering gasps and a flushed face. “Says the virgin.”

“Says the person who came down my throat after less than five minutes of getting his dick sucked.”

“You’re being awfully mean considering I’m letting you put your dick in my ass.”

“Mean? I’m just telling it how I see it,” Soobin replies matter-of-factly. “And then you got it back up just as quick. I didn’t know you were that repressed. Don’t you jack off at all?”

“Of course I do.” He rolls his eyes, but he can barely muster up any bite to his voice when he can feel Soobin’s fingers pumping deep inside him, hitting sweet spots that Kai didn’t even know existed. “I’m just not—fuck!—a porn addict like you are.”

“Newsflash: 2D porn is still porn,” Soobin replies. “Two fingers should be good enough, right?”

If it were anyone else, two wouldn’t suffice, but Soobin had absurdly big fingers. Again, even though they were the same height, Kai’s fingers were noticeably more slender. Maybe three would make the stretch easier on him, but he’s growing more impatient by the minute. “If you tear my asshole apart, you’re taking me to the ER. And paying the bill.”

“Uh…let’s hope not. I told you, I’m…broke right now.”

“Didn’t you get paid like two days ago? What the hell did you spend it all on?”

Soobin scratches his head. “A…a figure of Power sitting on the toilet.”

“…A what?”

“Wait, let me show you.”

Soobin pulls out his fingers, making Kai whine as his hole clenches around nothing. Maybe having something inside him had felt quite nice, but he’d rather die than admit it. “Wh—hey, put your fingers back in!”

“In a second, this is important,” Soobin insists. With his clean hand, he leans over and grabs his phone, typing something into the search bar before turning it around to show Kai. Lo and behold, a 1/7 scale figure of Power from Chainsaw Man, sitting on the toilet and fondling her left boob: a recreation of one of the anime’s most iconic scenes. Kai’s eyes zero in on the price tag.

“Isn’t it so sick?” Soobin exclaims gleefully. “I’m gonna put her next to my Yuta figure.”

“You spent two-hundred dollars on this?” All those hard hours Soobin spent this summer serving up gallons of milk tea at Gong Cha, down the drain for an overpriced big titty anime girl figure. Miyazaki was right: Anime was a mistake.

“Anything for my best girl,” Soobin sighs dreamily. Of course, fictional women: the only women Soobin gave a damn about.

“If you don’t shut up about your ‘best girl’ in the next five seconds, I’m leaving,” Kai says with finality, starting to get up from the bed. The bait works: there’s the soft ‘thud’ of Soobin tossing his phone onto the carpet, before he shoves Kai back down onto the mattress.

“Okay, okay!” Soobin says hastily. “You’re so impatient, Kai-yah.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you pulled out your phone mid-sex to show me your anime girl figure,” Kai huffs. “Do you even have condoms?”

“Give me a sec.” Soobin gets up and opens one of his desk drawers. He shuffles around the contents before landing on his target, plucking a single Trojan condom from the depths.

“I knew this would come in handy one day,” he says gleefully.

“Where did you even get that?” Kai squints at the foil wrapper. Obviously, Soobin wasn’t getting any until today, so buying a whole box of condoms would be a waste of money.

“My brother. I stole it from his room in freshman year. Genius, right?”

“Freshman year?” Kai gapes. “It’s probably expired by now.”

“…They can expire?”

“Yes?” Kai isn’t shocked, but definitely disappointed. “Plus, you can’t use oil with latex. Didn’t you pay attention in sex ed at all?”

“Why does it matter? You can’t even get pregnant. And we’re both virgins.”

There’s a brief pause, quickly followed by a flash of something in Soobin’s eyes, paired with a stupid, incredibly punchable grin. Oh god. That means he’s going to say something incredibly stupid, but Kai can’t figure out what, and it terrifies him to his core.

“Ohhh, I get it. You just wanna do it raw,” Soobin laughs. “Is that it, Kai-yah? You want me to fuck you raw?”

“What? No!” Kai hisses defensively, erring on a little too defensively.

“Oh, Hueningie, if you wanted me to fuck you raw, you could’ve just said so, you know?”

“I’m just saying, it’s gonna break—”

“That barely matters, though. Admit it, you wanna get fucked raw, don’t you?”

There’s a teasing, lilting edge to Soobin’s voice, and Kai’s pretty sure he’s just saying shit to say shit, but somehow, he also gets the vibe that it’s not…entirely a joke. Beneath the mirth at the surface, there’s something else in his eyes that Kai can’t quite place. Maybe it’s the way he keeps saying that damn word: Raw. Unprotected. Bare. The inherent filthiness of it all. Repeating it, hammering it down until it’s embedded in Kai’s conscience. Dirty.

“Are you sure you’re not the one who wants to fuck me raw?”

That makes Soobin pause momentarily. He stares at Kai with an unreadable expression.

“Yeah,” he decides finally, licking his lips. Kai swallows thickly. “Yeah, maybe I do.”

Kai silently apologizes to Soobin’s mom, his own mom, and their poor sex ed teacher from freshman year, because his lessons clearly all went in one of Soobin’s ears and out the other. And evidently, his own as well, because he’s replying back with a breathy “okay.”

There it is again: That stupid, stupid grin. Reaching into the tub of coconut oil again, Soobin quickly slicks up his cock with the makeshift lube before positioning himself between Kai’s legs and lining himself up with his entrance. The way they’re positioned—Kai laying on his back, legs on either side of Soobin’s torso—he can’t see clearly, but he can feel the tip of Soobin’s cock prodding insistently against his hole. He can feel it, but nothing more, nothing further.

“Uh…” Soobin trails off, looking down. “It’s not going in.”

Kai’s starting to get frustrated. They’ve been at this for what feels like forever, and he’s still had nothing but Soobin’s fingers inside of him. He’s not even close to being satiated. “Just push it in, what’s the issue?”

“The issue is that you need to relax and unclench a little.”

“Well, maybe if you let me top instead—”

“Oh, shut up and just take it, you fucking bottom,” Soobin groans, before finally shoving his cock inside him.

On instinct, Kai’s first reaction to the intrusion is a blood-curdling scream, jaw going slack. A flash of pain jolts through him before disappearing just as quick. There’s only one thought he’s capable of processing: Soobin is inside me. Soobin’s dick is inside me. And honest to god, he’s barely even processing that much, either.

“Oh my god,” Kai whimpers when he snaps out of his daze, staring saucer-eyed at where Soobin’s cock breaches his hole. He can feel his heartbeat thumping all the way down in his stomach, on the brink of hyperventilating. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I’m not bleeding, am I? Oh my god, please don’t tell me I’m bleeding.”

“You’re fine,” Soobin hisses. “Just…relax a little more. You’re so tight, holy fuck. Does it hurt?”

“A little bit…but I’m fine,” he groans, throwing his head back. While the first few seconds felt like he was being split open, the pain has dissolved, for the most part. Still doesn’t feel right, per se—he’s never had anything that big inside him up until this point, after all—but it doesn’t hurt terribly. “Is it all the way in?”

“Uh, no…”

“Holy shit,” Kai gasps. If he dies mid-sex, what are they going to write in his obituary? R.I.P. Huening Kai, Cause of Death: Choi Soobin’s Massive Fucking Cock? His poor mother would faint.

“Can I move now?” Soobin whines petulantly. “Pleaseeeeee, Hueningie, you’re gonna give me blue balls at this rate. You wouldn’t give your best friend blue balls, would you?”

One thing about Soobin is that every time he so much as opens his mouth, he’ll be sure to remind you that he’s just another horny teenage guy, desperate to stick his dick into anything with a pulse. Not to pat himself on the back or anything, but Kai believes he deserves a medal for his service: the altruistic act of giving your sexually-deprived best friend the right to take your anal virginity. “Fine. Just go slo—ow!”

Quickly, it dawns on him that no matter how slow Soobin pushes in, the stretch won’t sting any less. He grits his teeth and tries to relax his muscles to the best of his ability. It feels vaguely like he’s being impaled, but at the same time, his dick has never been harder. For a fleeting moment, he genuinely worries that he might pass out right then and there on Soobin’s dick if he isn’t careful.

“Wow,” Soobin murmurs after what feels like an eternity. He’s got his hand splayed over Kai’s stomach, like he’s trying to feel himself bulging out from inside him. With his size, he probably could. “It’s all inside…you took me all inside you, Kai-yah.”

“You’re inside me,” Kai echoes weakly. “Soobin-hyung…is inside me.”

In this moment, he’s somehow never felt closer to Soobin, even in all the years they’ve been friends for. There really is nothing more intimate than having your best friend’s bare cock inside you. The true hallmark of friendship.

They’re so lucky Soobin’s parents aren’t home. When Soobin starts to properly thrust—shallow ones to start with, as to not hurt Kai, but gradually increasing in depth—he can’t help the needy moans that spill forth from his throat. Normally, he’s not the most vocal person. He’s always been the quiet kid—a ‘pleasure to have in class’—save for when they’re with their friends. Only then does he allow himself to laugh: a loud, squeaky, unabashed laugh. And now, evidently, in the bedroom as well, constantly crying out for more, echoing off the walls and joined by the slap of skin against skin.

Gently, Soobin cups Kai’s cheek with his hand, before his fingers creep into Kai’s open mouth. He feels the digits delicately trace the ridges of the metal brackets, before hooking around the edges of his mouth and stretching it wide open. Slowly, he starts sticking his fingers down Kai’s throat, pausing and pulling away when he gags around them. Kai closes his lips around his fingers, sucking on them eagerly and looking back up at him, doe-eyed and innocent.

“You’re so pretty, Kai,” Soobin whispers, looking at Kai with a strange sense of wonder.

“Stop lying—ah!” He’s cut off by a particularly hard thrust, one he can feel all the way in his guts.

“I’m not, though. You are…pretty, really pretty…so pretty I could die,” Soobin gasps.

As he continues pounding into him, he places his hand over Kai’s tummy. For some godforsaken reason, he’s been obsessed with touching it the entire time they’ve been fucking. Kai likes rubbing bellies—Soobin’s especially, his skin was just so nice and stretchy—but he gets the feeling that that’s far from what Soobin’s intentions are. Soobin spreads his hand over the soft expanse of pale skin, staring intently at Kai’s stomach.

“You think if I fucked you hard enough, you’d get pregnant…?” he muses.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kai gasps. It’s such a hentai cliché, and he’s willing to bet that Soobin ripped the line off from one they watched together, that fucking pervert. Yet something about the way he says it makes Kai’s vision blur white-hot. In a way, Soobin even looks like a generic hentai protagonist. Maybe it’s the bangs that cover his eyes, or the glint of his glasses, or the way he’s leering down at Kai, as if there’s a part of him that really does think that he could knock Kai up if he tried hard enough.

“But you’d be so pretty…” Soobin murmurs. Unconsciously, Kai’s hand moves down to touch his own stomach too, joining Soobin’s. “So, so pretty…”

There are a lot of weird, sexual things that Kai knows about Soobin—most of them against his will—having been friends with him for nearly a decade now. That his first-ever wet dream involved Jin from BTS, a box of king-sized condoms, and a giant tuna (Kai had heard enough at that point). That he once got so desperately horny that he ended up having e-sex with some guy over Discord voice chat (they don’t talk about that incident to preserve what little dignity he has left). Now, he could add giving himself a blowjob to that list. And yet, the last thing he could’ve possibly expected was for Soobin to have a fucking breeding kink, of all things.

Kai should hate this. He should be making fun of Soobin, should be telling him that he’s crazy, that he’s been reading too much hentai, that he obviously can’t get him pregnant.

Except he doesn’t.

“I wanna try something,” Soobin begins, still thrusting deep inside him. “I saw it in this hentai I watched once. The guy was fucking the girl, and he bent her legs all the way down, like this…so that his sperm would take more easily…”

Placing both hands on the back of Kai’s thighs, he forces them down until they’re laying flat against either side of his upper body, his knees touching his shoulders and his legs propped at a ninety-degree angle, feet dangling in the air.

“You know I’m not that flexible!” Kai yelps. That aside, he’s never felt more vulnerable than in this position, asshole completely exposed.

“You can do it. It’ll take more easily this way,” Soobin insists.

While still inside Kai, and still forcibly holding the boy’s legs down, Soobin gets up, balancing himself on the balls of his feet with his knees slightly bent. Without hesitation, he resumes jackhammering into him. Kai feels faint: At this angle, he has a prime view of how Soobin’s massive cock is impaling him. The fact that his body’s held up for so long is a miracle.

“Fuck, I’ll definitely knock you up like this,” Soobin hisses as he pounds hard and fast and deep into Kai’s abused hole in an almost animalistic manner, balls slapping loudly against his ass. The sheer force of each thrust jostles Kai’s body with ease.

“H-hyung,” Kai stutters, tongue lolling out as he pants for air: an expression straight out of a hentai manga panel. “Gonna—hngh!—have Soobin-hyung’s baby—ah!”

There is definitely something wrong with him. There’s no way he’s encouraging this sort of behavior. Not that he’s one to kink-shame, but there’s a difference between accepting a kink and being into it yourself. One hour ago, Kai was just casually reading BL manhwa. Now, he was getting put in a mating press by his best friend. And the worst part is, he might just enjoy it. Life imitates art.

“Oh, Hueningie,” Soobin chuckles. “Your first time, and you’re already begging me to knock you up.”

“Mmmh,” Kai moans incoherently, unable to string together any sort of retort. “Wanna get bred by hyung…!”

“Gonna mold your hole to the shape of my dick. You’d like that, huh?” Soobin whispers. “Fuck you until you remember my shape? Breed your tight, virgin ass?”

“Soobin-hyung, oh my god,” Kai wails through a series of choked, strangled sobs. “Please, please, breed me, wanna be full of your cum…!”

“Do you want a baby, Kai? You wanna carry my baby?” Soobin takes Kai’s hand in his and moves it over to cup his stomach. “Right here, you feel that?”

“Yesyesyes, fuck, want a baby, want your baby—”

“Pretty. So, so fucking pretty,” Soobin murmurs, grinding his dick against the walls of Kai’s ass. Kai preens at the praise: Soobin thinks he’s pretty. “Be even prettier when you’re round and pregnant with our baby, yeah?”

Our baby. Kai really, really fucking enjoys the sound of that. More than he should. Any shred of rational thought he once had is gone, brain polluted with the idea of getting knocked up by his best friend.

“Inside, cum inside me, hyung, fill me up, breed me, get me pregnant—”

Dizzy. That’s what Kai feels immediately after coming all over himself with a broken sob, sticky white strands of semen clinging to his stomach and chest. With a groan, Soobin spills his seed deep inside him. His cock twitches erratically with each spurt, Kai’s tight walls milking him for all he’s worth. There’s so much cum that Kai wonders briefly if his tummy will bloat. As if he really is pregnant.

“Oh,” Kai moans breathily once Soobin pulls out. Within seconds, he can feel warm semen starting to trickle out and down his hole, dangerously close to the mattress.

“Oh shit.” Soobin scrambles to grab the tissues on the side of his desk. Gingerly, he wipes away the cum leaking out of Kai’s ass, as well as the mess he’s made all over himself. When he finishes, he wads the dirty tissues up and tosses them unceremoniously onto the floor alongside an empty party size bag of Lay’s chips and clothes Kai’s pretty sure he saw Soobin wear like, a week ago. Mildly gross that he lives like that, but nice of him to help Kai clean up. What are best friends for, after all?

“Holy fuck, my legs burn,” Soobin groans as he collapses down next to Kai, massaging his thighs. “That position is a fucking workout. GG, though.”

“Did you seriously just post-sex GG me…?”

“Yep. So?” Soobin nudges his side. “Rate my stroke game?”

“Weak. Sex is overrated.”

“Oh really? What was that you were saying earlier?” Soobin switches his voice to a mocking higher pitch that doesn’t even sound anything like Kai. “Breed me, hyung, wanna have your baby, want you to get me pregnant—”

“Be quietttttt!” Kai hisses as he tackles Soobin down, shoving a hand over his mouth. Suddenly, he feels a disgustingly wet flick against his palm, making him yank his hand away and wipe the offending substance on Soobin’s chest. “Oh my god, did you just lick me? Gross!”

“I came inside you, and you’re calling my spit gross?” Soobin raises his eyebrows. “By the way, I was just kidding about getting you pregnant—”

“Obviously, you and your weird ass kinks—”

“—because we gotta wait two years, y’know? So you can beat teen pregnancy.”

This time, Kai shoves a pillow into his face.

“Stop, I can’t breathe!” Soobin screams, half-muffled by the pillow. When Kai finally grants him the gift of air, Soobin asks, “You wanna top next time, Hueningie? I wanna know what bottoming feels like, too.”

“There won’t be a next time.”

“Aw. I guess I’ll just have to go find someone else that’ll dick me down then. Well, if you ever change your mind within the next year, you know I’m only one bed away,” Soobin replies matter-of-factly. While Kai’s still on top of him, he grabs his phone from beside the pillow and unlocks the front camera. “Smile!”

“Huh—” Click. The camera shutter sound goes off before Kai can even respond. It’s visible in the actual selfie too: Soobin with a shit-eating grin, while Kai’s mouth is half-open and his eyebrows furrowed from being caught off-guard, both of them visibly shirtless. “Where the hell are you sending that?

“The group chat.”

YEONJUN RETIREMENT HOME ERA

Choi Soobin

[Photo Attached]

Today’s TMI: Not gonna die a virgin anymore!

Choi Beomgyu

?’:RSF”SV”> “?W:LD

Kang Taehyun

? 😦

Choi Yeonjun

soobin what have we told you about keeping some things to yourself for once?

YEONJUN RETIREMENT HOME ERA

FaceTime Video

“Should we pick up?” Soobin hums.

“I’m not talking,” Kai says simply, before throwing a blanket over his face. Peeking out from underneath the heavy fabric, he can see Soobin slide to answer. Beomgyu’s giant eyeball pops up on the screen first, before his camera zooms out and reveals a shocked face, hand covering his mouth.

“Beomgyu, why the hell would you FaceTime us?” Soobin groans.

“I couldn’t tell if you were joking or not. I guess not. Congrats, I think. Can I say hi to Kai? Where is he?” At the sound of his name, Kai lifts the blanket slightly. “Oh! Hi, Kai-yah! Miss you lots!”

“Miss you too, Beomgyu-hyung,” Kai mumbles back, before diving underneath the blanket again out of overwhelming embarrassment.

Taehyun doesn’t pick up, texting that he’s in the middle of an orientation event, but he offers a brief ‘Congrats.’ Which, Kai appreciates, but that still doesn’t change the fact that Taehyun’s in for a beating the minute he returns home, for keeping his own virginity loss a secret. A disgruntled Yeonjun joins next, visibly in the middle of the street.

“I’m literally walking back to my dorm right now. I can’t believe you violated my baby like that, Soobin, what the hell?”

“I didn’t violate him.”

“Uh-huh. Did you guys at least use protection?” Yeonjun presses. In response, Soobin offers a blank smile. “Soobin-ah…”

The last thing they hear is an angry “Choi Soobin, I’m going to kill you” before Soobin hangs up the call.