Archive of Our Own ^beta

... oOo ...

Kaeya groaned at the miserable sound of his alarm ringing. It was a specifically annoying sound to ensure he dragged himself out of bed to turn it odd, but that didn’t mean Kaeya liked it in any way.

The streaks of red that peeked through his haphazardly closed curtains reassured him that it was still early enough that barely anyone would be wandering the streets. As much as Kaeya enjoyed the bustle of the city during the day, he knew that it was only in these early hours of the morning that he could catch Diluc off guard and willing to listen to his poor apologies.

Diluc who always stood stone-faced at the counter while Kaeya brandished another drunken blade of brotherhood and trust at him. Kaeya knew it was unfair, but his hurt had been festering in the four years Diluc had disappeared and Diluc had become such an easy target now that he no longer wore his emotions on his sleeve.

But Kaeya knew when he had gone too far, even now, even when Diluc refused to lose his temper at him. As he blearily sat back down on his bed in the now silent room, Kaeya could still see the stiffness in how Diluc had mixed drinks and the frequency with which Diluc had adjusted his left glove/

Kaeya urged himself to hurry as he dressed, hoping Diluc hadn’t returned to the Winery early. It wasn’t quite harvest season yet, but there was no doubt Dawn Winery still had a lot on their plates.

He let himself into the empty tavern. Kaeya had always thought the tavern looked lonely when it was empty. In his childhood memories, the tavern had always been bustling with the evening crowd as he and Diluc waited for their father to complete his work after their Knights training. He had seen it empty for the first time after Diluc had returned, on the rare morning like this one where Kaeya sought his estranged brother out.

The door to the private third floor swung open at Kaeya’s light touch. It looked untouched, without the crease in the blankets that was always left behind when Diluc passed out after his self-imposed nightly duties.

Perhaps Diluc had left for the Winery last night, but Kaeya doubted it. It would have disturbed Adelinde, with how lightly the woman slept, and Kaeya knew Diluc disliked returning to the Winery in a poor mood.

“Kaeya?” Crepus’ delighted expression greeted him as he turned around. “If I knew you were coming by, I would have made sure to arrive much earlier.”

“...Father?” Kaeya’s voice caught in his throat. This should have been impossible. He knew Crepus had been buried for years already, but he had also longed to speak to the man for just as long.

Concern immediately filled Crepus’ body, and Kaeya nearly laughed at how similar it was to Diluc’s own concern. It was the same mannerism Diluc held the night before Kaeya would wake up to a hot stew to cure his cold waiting for him in his room or before he would receive a report of a particularly troublesome camp disappearing into thin air.

“What’s wrong Kaeya?” Crepus’ hands settled warmly on Kaeya’s shoulders. There was a momentary hesitance in his voice before he continued. “I’ve told you before, you can come to me for anything, alright? I’m so proud of you for taking over the Captaincy from Diluc. It must have been so difficult for you.”

Kaeya leaned forward, hiding his burning eyes in Crepus’ familiar embrace. It was , he wanted to say.

“It’s what I should do,” Kaeya said instead.

“I hope… Kaeya, I hope that one day you find something you want to do.” Crepus paused again. “I’ve learned my lesson well enough not to want you to cling to responsibility over what you want for yourself. I did that too Diluc, and I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt you like that too.”

Kaeya sniffed as he pulled back. Sunlight was already streaming through the windows.

“I’m going to be late if I don’t leave now,” Kaeya said, still holding on to Crepus’ arms. He could see how Crepus’ eyes brightened at Kaeya’s insistence on clinging to him.

“I’ll be right here if you want to come back to talk when you’re off duty,” Crepus promised.

Kaeya nodded, straightening his jacket. “I’ll come find you later.”

… oOo …

The monotony of reports and patrols and training Knights almost had Kaeya forgetting about the strangeness of Crepus being alive. It felt so natural, like it had always been this way, but that begged the question of where Diluc was. Granted, Kaeya didn’t usually see Diluc often during the day, so it didn’t feel strange to not see Diluc but if he wasn’t Cavalry Captain, if he wasn’t running the Winery, what was he doing?

A short request from Alfred for flowers had Kaeya visiting the graveyard behind the Cathedral. Alfred gratefully took the bunch of Windwheel Asters off Kaeya’s hands, delicately rearranging them while he offered Kaeya another story of how much his daughter loved the flowers. The exact flower changed from day to day, and Kaeya had already heard this particular story several times.

Curiosity had him reentering the graveyard once he had left it. Kaeya wanted to know whose grave now occupied the space he remembered to be Crepus’ resting place. A leaden feeling settled in his stomach when he spotted the familiar tombstone. Surely it was too much of a coincidence for the exact tombstone to have been used?

Alfred turned to leave, catching Kaeya’s eye from across the graveyard. He offered Kaeya an understanding smile before he disappeared.

It took him several reads of the name on the gravestone and several more glances at the Masterless Vision embedded into the base of the stone for the name to sink in.

Diluc Ragnvindr , the stone proclaimed gravely. Beloved son and friend .

Had Kaeya really rejected their brotherhood even at this point? Kaeya wondered as his mind still slowly processed what he was looking at.

Kaeya reached out to the grey Vision, flinching back as his hands brushed that cold surface. It was real . That was Diluc’s Vision , which meant it really was Diluc’s gravestone. 

Diluc’s …

He’d just taunted Diluc last night . He’d told Diluc—he’d told Diluc he would give anything to speak to Crepus again. Kaeya had told Diluc that he was sure Crepus would be much better company than Diluc was.

Had Kaeya done this? Had Diluc simply found a way to fulfil Kaeya’s cruel wish?

Kaeya’s fingers gripped the cold stone. He hadn’t meant any of it. He’d just wanted to get a rise out of Diluc. He’d wanted Diluc to crack and kick him out of the tavern, to do anything other than stand there and act like he hadn’t heard Kaeya’s words, like Kaeya’s hurtful words didn’t matter. He wanted a hint of the old fiercely passionate Diluc that meant that all his resentment was justified and that Diluc truly had abandoned him that night without remorse.

He would never truly want to swap Diluc and Crepus’s fates.

If Kaeya was responsible for this then at least there was hope for turning it back. If it had been Diluc’s doing…

Kaeya thought back to that night of Diluc’s birthday and unfamiliar memories rose unbidden in his mind: Diluc’s concentrated and unusually hot blue flames that had flown towards Ursa and Ursa’s last desperate spray of fire and claws as the drake fled. Crepus’ anguished cries. The way Diluc’s hand had fallen limp in Kaeya’s almost as soon as Kaeya had fallen to his knees to grasp it. Crepus’ pained expression as he asked Kaeya to stay at the Favonius Dorms for a few days after Kaeya confessed, after Kaeya insisted that it was his fault and that he and Diluc had never been brothers. Kaeya receiving his Vision as he sat beneath the waterfall in Springvale believing he had been abandoned yet again.

It was all wrong . 

It hadn’t happened that way, but the more Kaeya tried to clutch at the memories he knew to be true, the more they seemed to slip through his fingers. His memories with Diluc seemed to be slipping through his fingers, correcting themselves to fit the fact that Crepus had survived instead.

Kaeya wanted to hear Diluc’s snide comments on his drinking habits again. He wanted to order his Death After Noon only to receive disgusting grape juice because Diluc thought Kaeya was too drunk. He wanted to wake up at an odd hour in the early morning before even the birds began chirping in the little cot in the living area of Angel’s Share with Diluc’s heavy coat thrown over him because Kaeya fell asleep at the bar for the nth time. He wanted to groan awake to the idiotic clanking of Diluc's ceremonial robes as he snuck around at night.

But if he could have none of that, if Kaeya had somehow screwed everything up again, he wanted the word brother to accompany the words son and friend on the cold stone. 

… oOo …

"Would you like to spend the weekend at Dawn Winery?" Crepus offered as he locked the door to Angel's Share. "Adelinde would be delighted to cook for you."

The hesitance in Crepus' voice reminded him of the dim memories of when he had first joined the Ragnvindrs, and neither father nor son knew the boundaries of interacting with Kaeya. Diluc had always stayed just at the edge of Kaeya's vision, waiting for Kaeya to look up before Diluc got any closer. It was a far cry from their later teenage interactions, but it held all the familiarity that came with their recent estrangement.

Kaeya agreed. Because it was Crepus asking, and not Diluc. Because it had been so long since Diluc had last asked since Diluc's offers were always met with firm rejection.

Crepus called them a carriage, offering Kaeya a joke about his old bones. There was relief and joy in his movements as climbed into the carriage. Crepus eagerly told Kaeya about his expectations for the harvest, and how he would get Connor to bring out a fine vintage for dinner the next night. He had moved on to the expected harvest for that year when the carriage ground to a halt at Daybreak Manor. Kaeya had simply let the words wash over him, guiltily basking in Crepus' voice as he watched the grass turn into the most famous vineyards of Mondstadt.

The position of honour that usually held the ugly vase Kaeya had gifted Diluc was empty. Kaeya didn't know why that was the one thing he fixated on. Kaeya had laughed and needled Diluc about it every time he visited Dawn Winery on official business. He watched the spot from the corner of his eye even as he hugged Adelinde. Kaeya didn't know what he was hoping for: the vase to magically reappear or Diluc to stomp out of his office? 

Or, well, it would still be Crepus' office now.

"Father, I was wondering if we could make an amendment to Diluc's tombstone?" The words were heavy when they fell from Kaeya's lips. He'd entertained the idea of what Diluc's tombstone would look like only once when Kaeya had been drunk and at his lowest and the light in Diluc's Vision had been hanging on by a thread. "I want to add—"

"No," Crepus said with a firmness that had Kaeya pausing.

Kaeya barely took a breath to continue his argument when Crepus interrupted him.

"Please. Just let the poor boy rest, Kaeya," Crepus begged. "His soul is finally free with the winds. There's no need to chain Diluc back here. It would just be cruel after all these years. He died believing you were his brother. Is that not enough?"

"Father, please —"

"I asked you—I begged you to change your mind back then. You refused to let me engrave brother on Diluc's tombstone." Crepus' voice broke, and he cleared his throat roughly. "It's been years already. Why now, Kaeya? After you claimed it was a decision you would never regret?"

Crepus swiped at his eyes.

"Please rest, Kaeya. Your old bedroom is still available to you. I'm sure you're tired." Crepus fled to his chambers.

Kaeya's fist clenched at his side. He'd really insisted against being remembered as Diluc's brother. Crepus had two sons, and even if Kaeya claimed not to include himself in that initially, he could still do so later with little regret. Diluc had only one brother. Kaeya's regret would be invisibly etched onto that unmarked stone, their shared brotherhood lost to time if Kaeya didn't correct it.

But he would. This was still a mistake that was within Kaeya's power to fix.

… oOo …

Kaeya sat in the empty graveyard, gratefully for the clear skies and bright moonlight as he scratched into the stone. Crepus would know he was responsible at a glance, but if Kaeya had already etched the word onto the stone by the time he was found there was nothing anyone could do about it. It would be one less thread of guilt choking him as he breathed.

Diluc Ragnvindr would be remembered as a brother.

The sun was peeking over the horizon by the time Kaeya was satisfied. The hasty scratching looked out of place next to the neat and elegant lines of Diluc's name, but there was no way the most important word could be mistaken for anything else.

Kaeya stretched, joint popping and legs numb. If he hurried back to the winery, he could make it sound like he had just gone for a morning walk. Adelinde and Crepus didn't know his usually routines with how long he had lived in the Favonius Dorms. He shivered a little at the odd breeze that filtered past him. It was rarely a good idea to spend the whole night outside. Kaeya was eager to return to the warm hearth Adelinde religiously maintained.

Kaeya paused in his mission only when he noticed that familiar black coat and flaming hair from the corner of his eye. The figure that was slinking through the back alleys towards Angel's Share was certainly not Crepus.

“Diluc!” Kaeya would blame the surprise he felt on why he hadn’t bothered controlling his volume.

The man in question visibly startled. A worried frown grew on his face when he spotted Kaeya rapidly approaching him. Alarm joined it within seconds. Diluc took an unconscious half-step back.

“Is something—?”

Diluc wheezed when Kaeya squeezed the air out of his lungs with a hug.

“I would never really swap you being alive for Crepus, you know that, right?”

Diluc struggled to free himself briefly before determining that breathing was more important when Kaeya only clung tighter.

“What has brought this on?”

Kaeya somehow held him tighter. Diluc was there. Diluc was warm and alive and Kaeya knew he wouldn’t give that up for anything. He could feel Diluc’s brilliantly warm Vision where it rested on Diluc’s thigh. It wasn't embedded into the cold stone. It wasn't cold to the touch.

Diluc frowned. “Kaeya… is everything okay?” Kaeya met Diluc’s worried expression, not resisting as Diluc led them both to the backroom of the tavern.

“Do you want to talk about it, or are you just going to cling to me until you’re satisfied?” Diluc repeated.

Kaeya felt more than heard Diluc sigh at his silence, then hiss at the temperature of Kaeya's limbs.

He was tugged closer, and Kaeya wondered why he constantly tried to get a rise out of Diluc when Diluc was so willing to entertain him like this despite everything. This was what Kaeya had really wanted underneath that layer of vindictive righteousness he had wrapped himself in. He hadn’t realised Diluc was still this mellow. Their fight had always been so clear in his mind that Kaeya had almost forgotten that this was what it was like before.

“You’re my brother,” Kaeya said in lieu of an explanation. He could feel Diluc tense. Diluc’s memories were probably reminding him of when Kaeya had told him otherwise. Kaeya's memories reminded him of the night he had just spent making sure Mondstadt would remember it.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but you don’t have to lie to me like this,” Diluc said stiffly. “I know you don’t—-”

“If you ever have a gravestone, I would fight tooth and nail to ensure it also says brother ,” Kaeya insisted. “Because you are . And I was wrong.”

“Kaeya,” Diluc paused, “you’re not dying or anything, are you? This is honestly sounding more and more like a deathbed confession, and I’m getting worried.”

“I’m just glad you’re here,” Kaeya said, shoving down the reminder that it had been a gravestone revelation instead of a deathbed confession.

“Where else would I be?” Diluc huffed good-naturedly.

In a coffin six feet under , Kaeya’s mind supplied helpfully. Far away, where I could never dream of reaching you.

“Out in Mondstadt scaring the new recruits,” Kaeya said instead. Within reach.

“I think your reputation scares them enough without my help.” Diluc scoffed. "Don't think I haven't noticed how your remaining cavalry choose to spend their evenings at Cat's Tail unless you're playing TCG there."

"That's their loss. Angel's Share is always the superior option."