Chapter Text
Chapter 1:
I fall from the heavens
zeus why did you do this?
Dumpster crashing:Hera edition
WHY!?WHY!?WHY ZEUS!?
Why am I Canadian exactly?
You gotta love those thugs(not)
AHHHH!I FEEL RAGE!END THIS NOW ZEUS!
I wish I could smite the arrogant thugs!
That would be so satisfying!
Why new York?
Out of all places zeus?
Wow!writing sonnets are hard now.
Why not apollo?He blessed octavain?
Next time,I am writing an Acrostic!Sonnets are way too hard now!
Dammit!Thats 15 lines..Now sixteen..Maybe i should just stop?
THATS SEVENTEEN YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!?(18 NOW!?)
I am Hera,Queen of the heavens(Olympus)And goddess of family(Well..hestia is a goddess of family too,But shes not an olympian,so..),Women and marriage among other things,Fear my wrath!..or just attracting my husband..But I am pretty sure everyone does that..
At least..That's what I would normally say:But not for the past few months(or weeks or days?It's hard to tell)I can't say it..Zeus,In his great temper tantrum,Threw me off olympus!turning me mortal!I mean..I can't even remember why he did it!
I remember falling from the heavens:Golden sparks flew everywhere:I could see skyscrapers slowly appear as I fell as a concerning speed,I tried to summon wind(Yes!I do have some wind powers!Zeus being my husband and all..So even though its mostly bad,our marriage has..maybe a few good parts for me?),I tried to just fly back up,I tried to scream:'Zeus!' And I tried to hope,really try and put my faith in the idea that my..Mechanical thing known as my son will throw down a metal chain for me..Nada!Nothing!
I just remembered a booming voice of my husband in my head:'YOUR CHOICE!YOUR CRIME!YOUR PUNISHMENT!'My body filled with rage:How dare he speak to his wife like that!?What did he mean?!My crime!?Its always hermes who's commiting crimes zeus!I think you got the two of us mixed up..Not that I wanted to be mixed up with one of my many step-children anyways..
Ugh!Focus!I was falling towards a Dumpster,and fast..
Now I have done a lot in my immortal life:I overthrew my father after he swallowed me,I showed my wrath to Leto,I protested for womens rights in 1924,I..hmh,how should I put it?..Dragged Jason and percy out of their comfort zones and wiped their memories..
It hit me,That was the last thing I remember..The last thing I remember is meeting Jason,Annebeth (That arrogant daughter of athena..) and Piper at the..something something bed?I knew that was bed was important-
BAM!
I hit the Dumpster,The collision happened so fast..I could only remember the putrid smell of expired Chinese food,Loaded Dippars and Other putrid smells I didn't even want to think about where they came from..
I tried to remember:My ribs pulsed:Think!Think!That had to be a reason for this..There was a war with gaia,I think camp Jupiter and camp half-blood went to war..
Who was Jason again?Wasn't he a member of the the first agro?
Why did I say the first agro?There had only ever been one...
I pushed myself up,poking my head out of the Dumpster:It felt pathetic,I felt pathetic,this whole thing.. was pathetic!
Rage filled my body once again:A part of me,a tiny part of me said:'No!Didn't two titans teach us not to be like this!?'
My head shut that voice up quickly:I did not know who those two titans were,nor do I care.
"WHATEVER YOUR BLAMING ME FOR ZEUS,THIS IS NOT MY FAULT,GODS!YOU ARE SUCH A TERRIBLE HUSBAND,JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET BACK UP THERE!"I shouted,no response.Well,I expected to get struck down,so thats a slightly better response than I was expecting..
My ribs throbbed again:
I don't know how you flesh bags do it,stuck in a peasant fleshy,pink and kinda gross form,never being able to enjoy living as a hummingbird or turning arrogant bullies into pigs.
That's what you fleshy peasants have to deal with on a daily basis,until the day you die and then some.
And now,I was one of you,pathetic,weak and smelly...
"Cheer up."I muttered to myself:Looking up at the sky and then searching the Dumpster briefly,I remember what it was like putting my hand in expired curry(Note to self:Never do that again).
I hoped for one of my objects:My Staff,My specter or Hades,maybe even my pomegranate(it was gift from Kore)!Nothing.None of my objects was with me.That stung like a bee(or what I assume a bee sting feels like,never felt pain as a goddess)
"Okay.."I gritted my teeth,There had to be some kind of hope to grab onto..I flared my nostrils.
"At least zeus didn't chain me above choas this time,that's a plus,right?"I asked to no one but myself.
I bet zeus and the rest of the gods:Probably my step-children were upstairs in Olympus right now laughing like this is the next big comedy sitcom.
My face turned into deep anger at the mere thought of that.
Calm down,calm down.
Why wasn't apollo with me?Or Poseidon?As much as I hate my step-son(trust me,the hate is infinite),He has been mortal twice before,this was brand new for me.I was caught off guard by this..sudden change in forms:Angry,Embarrassed and all rightfully so!
Welp,no point in wallowing in my own misery forever,Olympus needs it's queen to return!
Lets go!
I climbed out of the dumpster,Chinese food spilled down my back:I finally dared to look into my reflection in a puddle next to the Dumpster:
I was blonde,really blonde,Like something out of legally blonde.I had blue eyes and was I.. Canadian!?Wha-What is the point of that even!?Why not just make me greek!?My hair was pointing in all directions like a botched hair job and also covered in Chinese curry,I would need my hair fixed as soon as possible.I was in my early 20s which..was quite flattering actually,at least zeus thinks I look young.
I appeared to be wearing a white dress:Not the fancy type that royals like me should always been wearing either:Just a plain old dress like the type you would see on a school uniform list.
Right,I am hideous,one more reason to get back to my immortal form I suppose..
I went through the pockets in my dres-Hey!My dress has pockets!That's a small glimmer of joy,I guess,in between all the Chinese food and falling.
I found an ID card inside my pockets that read:
Regina Papadopoulou,Well..at least I had a Greek last name..But that doesn't change the fact I am Canadian!?
I also found 150 U.S dollars in my pocket:Lunch money,I guess,Won't get me any of my normal meals like meat casserole with caviar,But it could get me..A tuna sandwich?Ugh!Gross!Tuna!
I heard footsteps and got to my feet:
"Well,Well,Well,A little doll in new York eh?"asked one of two guys:They looked like ares..just slightly more calm though..
I was in new York?I looked around,so I was..Olympus was in new yor-
No,Zeus would never make it that easy.
I scoffed:"Doll?I am the greek goddess Hera-"I was hit in one of my legs by a metal bat:
Gods,that hurt,My leg felt like it might shatter.
Now what happened next is incredibly embarrassing but unfortunately:I have to write it for context:
The thugs started beating me,Punching and kicking me all over the place:Mostly the shins.
'Could this day get any worse?'I asked myself in my thoughts,
'Probably not,'I replied to my own question.
Anndd now I am talking to myself!
Now:It was not the fact I was being humiliated,or that I was talking to myself or that I was Canadian that caught my attention:
But the fact I was bleeding red,not ichor but red,mortal blood.
That..shouldn't be possible...
Gods should not bleed red.
I remember seeing an apple get thrown towards one of the thugs head.
"HEY!"said a girl.
I blacked out after that.
.....