Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jimmy was a decently tough guy. At least, he’d like to think so. Maybe not in the physical sort of things, but in the emotional. He was stronger than everyone gave him credit for, at least. 

He might pretend to be angry, yelling comically because everyone stopped blaring their goat horns anytime he played his. Everyone liked teasing him and if he didn’t react, they would lose their fun. As a result, this game continued. 

Grian, Joel, Scott, and Martyn would tease him and Jimmy would send meaningless retorts back. They would call him silly and childish and he would prove them right. He would play up the character because it was funny. Because it was part of the bit. 

He was part of the bit, and if Jimmy took it personally or if he didn’t react at all, he’d be ruining it. 

So as such, he continued to blare his goat horn and yell at all their faces for being jerks. 

Jimmy was a decently tough guy, but he could only handle so much. 

So okay , yeah, it was a dumb idea to steal Scar’s horse. And yeah everybody had made it clear. 

“Why’d you do that for?” Scott asked, adding another voice on top of the noise. Right now was not the time to defend himself, though, as there was a fire raging around him. And a Tango raging too. 

And maybe the defensive feelings that flared up were Tango’s and not his own. Emotions traveled through the soulbound quite strongly at times — and Jimmy usually wasn’t bothered by any jiving. 

He pushed down the comment (and many other patronizing words about how he shouldn’t steal Scar’s horse). 

He took a deep breath. It would be okay. In and out. 

First he had to help Tango, as he was still making odd squeaking seething noises and seemed to be mere seconds away from darting off over to Scar’s base to set it alight. And… well… he didn’t think it would end any better for Team Ranchers if they spontaneously set fire to the panda enclosure. 

“Hey, hey.” Jimmy grabbed a hold of his soulbound's arm, jerking away as Tango jumped. His movement was wild, uncontrolled completely. “It’s gonna be okay. Please breathe. Please calm down.” 

There was some more prodding from the staring crowd. It wouldn’t help to put all the attention on Tango. 

Jimmy’s blood boiled as he felt their eyes. He heard the murmuring. He heard the louder remarks egging Tango on. 

Didn’t they understand? Now wasn’t the time.

Jimmy, knowing the danger an unstable Tango caused, grabbed his arm and pulled him aside despite his resistance. “You can’t listen to them. We need to wait. We’ll get back at him later.” 

“He must pay. He must. Die. The pandas, gone. Everything he loves. Gone.” Tango continued muttering quiet death threats. 

“But not right now.” 

Of course, Scott had to butt in again. “No, right now. If you wait, then you’ll stop caring. You won’t be as angry. He’ll get away with everything.” 

Jimmy shot Scott a death glare. “Shut up,” he said firmly, before turning his attention back to Tango. “Don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to get you to do something stupid. We’ll probably die if we run up there anyway.” 

He felt Tango shake in his grip. 

“You’d feel better if you did it now,” Etho suggested, standing closest. His suggestion seemed more genuine, at least. More pleasing than Scott’s, who just spoke manipulatively. “You were never able to get back at Bdubs.” 

And suddenly, again Tango started thrashing against Jimmy’s grip. 

Jimmy was strong, stronger than everyone thought, but that was mentally. His physical strength couldn’t take as much.  

And he was starting to break both ways. 

“You’re not helping,” he said through gritted teeth. Then Jimmy said in a raised voice, “Tango! Don’t listen to him! None of these people actually care about you and if they did, they would try to help. Not sit around and make you put on a show of killing Scar for them.” His voice wavered at times, overwhelming emotions flooding to the surface. “Come on. Let’s take a minute at least. Think through everything before rushing at him.” 

Tango stopped and stood by the wall. He was nearly out of the range of the Ranch. Stepping out would make it feel like he was too far gone (whether or not it was true). 

“All of you. Leave,” Jimmy commanded. 

Scott laughed quietly.

“You think you’re scary, Timmy?” Joel asked mockingly. 

“I don’t need to be scary, Joel,” he said in a low voice. It was his scariest he could get, albeit not concerning anyone at all. “Now leave.” 

“Scott’s right though. If you wait too long, you won’t be angry anymore,” Cleo said before leaving, dragging Scott along with her. 

Jimmy fully expected Tango to go wild again, but he’d gotten his breathing back together… sort of. 

Jimmy sighed in relief. It would be okay. This would be fine. They could fix the Ranch. If only he hadn’t been so stupid to steal Scar’s horse. 

“You crying, Timmy?” Joel teased. He was the only one remaining, Etho having left already. “You poor little guy.” 

“Leave.” Jimmy shoved him, a surge of anger running through his veins. One that was so foreign he could only assume it was Tango’s anger affecting him somewhat. 

Joel shoved him back. 

Jimmy wanted to punch him or something, but stopped short. Deep breaths. It would be okay. He needed to focus on Tango. 

He pulled Tango into the burnt-up but no longer on fire house, slamming the door in Joel’s face. Hopefully he’d get the point. 

Jimmy was strong, but he could only take so much. 

The smell of smoke was just as potent as before. Even though the “building” had plenty of airflow now, it was nearly suffocating. 

“Stupid. Stupid Timmy. Stealing Scar’s horse. Because he’s stupid. And doesn’t think through things.”

He wrung his hands a bit as he went to fix some dinner.

“All your fault” his mind continued to supply, “Tango wouldn’t have lost it like that if you’d thought through your actions. He’d have a house.” 

He rummaged through the barrels that somehow made it scratch free. Some of the food went bad, probably from over exposure to excess carbon dioxide from the smoke… or something like that. The vegetables were okay and there was still the pre-cooked meat that looked alright. Edible at least. There were still a few cows in the pen. 

Jimmy went on to feed them first, giving the baby cows plenty of time to grow up. He needed to start repopulating their ranch that was no longer a ranch. “Can’t even keep your own ranch going. Is keeping animals alive really that difficult?” 

His hands shook as he let the cows eat from them. The animals seemed to notice something was off, being rather hesitant to go right to Jimmy. But they always loved him. 

“Terrible rancher. Even the animals don’t like you.” 

He ended up dropping the wheat into the pen when he still failed to feed them properly. He needed to cook dinner anyway. He wouldn’t ask it of Tango, given he was so worn out from earlier. (Jimmy understood. The stress took the energy out of him too.) 

But Jimmy was not a cook. So dinner would be thrown together in a haphazard manner and more than likely it wouldn't taste that good. If it wasn’t over or undercooked too incredibly much, Jimmy would be impressed. 

They still had plenty of wheat, even after feeding the animals, so he decided to bake some bread. It was a simple process which he went through rather frequently. Then he took some of the canned sweet berry preserves and spread it along the fresh bread. On the side, he placed some of the cooked cow meat. It wasn’t the best steak, really dry now that it’d be exposed to air for so long. 

But it was food. That’s what mattered. 

He found Tango next to the unscathed chickens downstairs. He was curled in on himself. 

“Hey. I fixed dinner.” He handed Tango the paper plate before the chickens could start taking any of it. 

Tango nodded and said, “Thanks,” softly. 

Jimmy went back upstairs. He’d better keep to himself before causing more problems. 

Jimmy was… well, he wasn’t sure if he was ever strong at all. Was he bearing even “so much” before breaking? 

He knew he was making the situation bigger and worse in his mind. He knew his thoughts were illogical. 

But what if they weren’t? 

He just created problems everywhere he went, cursed to die first, clumsy and stupid, unthinking. Terrible soulmate. He’d wait for the day when Tango left, joining the group of ex’s. Maybe Jimmy could find solace with Pearl, when it inevitably happened. 

Goat horn calls broke his train of thought for just a moment. A reminder of the club he wasn’t in. 

It was funny. 

Sure. 

(At first, he was fine with it. Right now, he really just wanted to be treated like a normal person. Not that he deserved being loved and cherished and treated fairly.) 

He sat on the edge of the bed, trying to settle the emotions of anger and disappointment that already overwhelmed him. 

“Don’t you dare bother Tango with it. He’s already dealing with enough.” 

He wasn’t smart, but Jimmy knew how to read the room, and asking Tango to put anything more on his plate would be rude. He didn’t need to burden him with silly emotions and loneliness and disappointment. 

Mindlessly, he scrolled the chat messages he’d missed since keeping laser focused on keeping himself and Tango alive. There was a bit more ribbing, mostly at his expense. 

It…

Hurt. 

It felt a little more true than before. And maybe if he were in a better headspace he could take it, laugh at himself for a moment. He liked laughing at himself for a moment. 

But right now wasn’t that moment. 

But he knew none of them would listen if he asked them to stop, thinking it was his way of playing along. The only person who would take him seriously was… 

Irony had it that Joel of all people was the first one to realize there was a problem and figure a way Jimmy could make it clear when the bit was getting to him. Joel. The least perceptive person ever. The least sensitive person ever. 

Grian didn’t know the code, Scott had no clue Jimmy was ever bothered by their ribbing — since he usually wasn’t — and Martyn would continue laughing as Jimmy continued to plead with him to cut it out. 

Though this didn’t feel like it warranted such a request. He should be able to take it. He should take some criticism. 

But wasn’t this the point? Having a small phrase at the ready when Jimmy seriously needed a break? 

Did his feelings even matter anymore?

He was probably too sensitive, too bothered by a few words. They didn’t mean it. It was only a joke. Asking them to stop might be bothersome. 

Jimmy was the only one being hard on himself anyway. 

But then would his emotions get out of hand, so big they could be felt through the soulbound? His feelings alone might get burdensome, too difficult to carry. And he didn’t—

Jimmy rubbed at his face a little harshly. The feeling didn’t dissipate. 

He couldn’t be more of a problem. He couldn’t afford that. Now wasn’t the time. 

The server chat, while quieting down now, still rang clearly in his head. 

And on autopilot, Jimmy tried to combat the noise with the only solution he had. 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: I need a break from the bit. No more jokes if you can. 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: Please

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: Unless it’s too much of an issue. If it is, don’t worry about it. 

He stared at the screen. His patheticness seeped through the typed words. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: You alright mate? 

He blinked a few times, making sure he was reading it correctly. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: I’ll tell the others to cut it out

He was probably making a big deal out of nothing though. He could recount everything. He could take back his statement and tell Joel not to worry about it. He didn’t need to. Jimmy was fine. He was okay. He just… needed to be tougher and stuff. 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: I’m fine. Just overreacting. Maybe. 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: You don’t have to make a big deal about it to everyone else. I’ll be fine. 

He was left on read. 

Who knew what Joel thought now. Probably thought he was being awfully silly, that’s what. Jimmy couldn’t even make up his mind on what he wanted. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: How’s Tango doing btw?

Though he seemed in an awfully nice mood. Jimmy couldn’t tell. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: He wouldn’t like, flip out if we showed back up again? 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: We? Not sure. I’ve just been leaving him alone. 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: Didn’t really want to bother him. I’m pretty good at making situations worse, if you can’t tell. lol

He set his comm to the side, not really wanting to see Joel’s affirmative response to the thought. Instead, he just hugged himself tightly. The act of messaging Joel made him want to be around people. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: Thought we were done with teasing you. That applies to you too. No bad talking yourself :P 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: “We” being me and Etho. Because APPARENTLY he’s overly clingy and if I’m going to head off to your base, he’s coming with. Or maybe it’s that he wanted to check on Tango. That too. 

Jimmy almost smiled at the response. 

But they didn’t need to bother. 

<Solidarity> whispers to Smallishbeans: You don’t have to come over. We’re fine. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: No you’re not

<Smallishbeans> whispers to Solidarity: We’re heading over now and you’re not telling me otherwise. 

Okay, so even if Jimmy on a normal day was strong and put together, today was not “a normal day”. And things would’ve been okay had he not blundered up again by messaging Joel. Again, he was burdening people. And again, he was getting sensitive to every little thing. 

And now he had to explain to Tango why in just a few minutes, they’d have people over at the Ranch. 

And he hated to think how Tango would explode in his face. 

That was the last thing he needed right now. 

Tentatively he stepped down into the basement of chickens, where Tango was still quietly sitting. In some good news, Tango had eaten and he seemed to be doing a little better. Though he did look tired. 

“Hey, uh, Tango?” Jimmy felt his voice already going light. His footing was so close to slipping as his head spun and his breathing speed increased. 

“Hi,” Tango answered, far calmer now. He even smiled a little.

Maybe he wouldn't be… too mad. 

“I uh, sorta made a mistake and I uh, I messaged Joel about something and he got insistent about coming over and checking in and he won’t listen when I tell him no.” His voice pitched up quickly and his words sped up until getting incomprehensible. 

“Come again?” 

“I… uhm… talked to Joel about cutting out the bit everyone has with me. …Just for a little while so I can clear my head and stuff.” He took a deep breath, and continued at this new slower pace, “And he got the idea that he should come over. And he won’t take no for an answer.” 

“Oh. Ok.” 

Surely, somewhere deep inside him, Tango was very annoyed. Though he didn’t act like it. At all. He was good at hiding his feelings. 

“He said Etho’s coming too. Thought I’d warn you, since you don’t seem up for people right now.” 

Tango gave a light smile. “It’s ok. He doesn’t sound like he’s about to go creating problems like usual anyway.” 

He waited. Eventually Tango would have to lose his cool again. Right? Like earlier? He was capable of it. Why wasn’t Jimmy feeling the way his blood boiled? Why couldn’t he—

“You seem like you’d need the company anyway and I’m not great with the whole… feelings territory.” Tango laughed a little nervously. 

“What do you mean? I’m not the one who—” he caught himself. He shouldn’t be so rude, making a comment about how Tango reacted earlier. There was a lot going on. He couldn’t help himself. Jimmy shouldn’t judge. “Sorry. Sorry.” 

“I definitely blew up out there. With the rest of the ranch. But you, uh… you ever noticed how you can feel when I get all… ragey?” 

Jimmy’s breath got lodged in his throat. He wasn’t supposed to— he really needed to take more control of his feelings. “Yes?” 

“It wasn’t strong, but I could uh, feel yours. A bit ago.” 

Jimmy froze in place.

“You— you don’t have to feel bad about it. It’s fine! You just— well, it’s probably good that you can talk to— I bet Joel’s better with the whole working through emotions than I am, given I’m not—” 

Was he angry? Was he not? Was everything ok? 

Should Jimmy ask, just for the sake of it? 

In an interruption to that whole conversation, Joel and Etho stepped foot into their base. 

And at that moment, Jimmy knew there was no recovering from this. 

And he created problems for Tango, making him deal with people. He was making Joel feel obligated to come over — and by extension Etho. And he had Joel convinced that he needed to tell the server to cut out with the teasing, which would put a damper on their mood. 

“Why don’t you just think before doing? You silly sausage.” 

He needed to stop this stupid train of thought — so loud that Tango could basically hear it. And he needed to work around it without accidentally speaking those words to life, concerning Joel even more. 

Jimmy climbed up the ladder, nerves making his hands tremble. He might fall off. It wouldn’t be hard to get off balance on a rickety ladder, making a further fool out of himself. 

He made it to the top in one piece, finding that Joel and Etho already made themselves at home… in what was left of the home, at least. For a split second there was a bit of awkwardness, as Jimmy didn’t know what to say beyond a “hi”. 

“Where’s Tango?” Etho asked, first to properly break the mini-silence.

“Down there.” Jimmy pointed to the ladder. 

Etho made his way down in a manner a lot steadier than Jimmy’s. He wasn’t at risk to take a couple of unnecessary hearts by falling off somehow. 

Awkwardness became tension, as now with just the two of them, the inevitable conversation sat being procrastinated. Joel started when Jimmy didn’t (and there he went again, just creating more small issues, making Joel worry about him and making Joel ask the difficult questions). “What’s wrong, Jimmy?” He patted a spot on the bed beside him. 

Jimmy hesitantly sat next to him, ready for the moment when he lost control of himself and Joel got fed up with it. 

“I’m fine,” he answered stubbornly. 

“No offense, but you’re really not. You look terrible.” No longer was it teasing from Joel’s end, but pure brutal honesty. 

“I don’t need your help, Joel.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “And I don’t need your sympathy either.” Even as he said those words, he felt a part of his composure breaking — an emotion Tango would feel from the other part of the house. 

“If you’re fine and you can handle it, then why’d you message me, huh?” Joel asked a little aggressively. Jimmy may have winced a little in response. 

He looked down at his hands. “I dunno.” 

Joel wrapped his arms around Jimmy, not squeezing him yet. “Did we say something?” 

He took another deep breath, knowing whatever he said next would have more tremble than the last. “N-no. It’s not you guys. It’s— it’s me.” 

“It’s you?” Joel asked, something similar to concern and curiosity in his voice. 

“If I hadn’t been so stupid and stolen Scar’s horse, we wouldn’t be here in the first place!” He clamped his mouth shut quickly after such an outburst. “Sorry.” 

Joel’s hug tightened a little, no longer a cuddly hug, but more a “squeezing all the frustration out of you” hug. “Is that all?” Joel asked, far from tentative, unbothered by a bit of yelling. 

“It’s my fault Scar burned the Ranch. And my fault that Tango lost control of himself as a result… and now he’s worn out from everything. And it’s my fault for feeling bad in the first place, and he said he could feel what I was feeling a little bit. But I can’t control how I’m feeling at all and I’m only hurting the both of us. And now you’re over here because you feel bad for me or something, and if I didn’t message you, you wouldn’t have to be here either.” 

He wasn’t yelling, which in some ways was an improvement. 

“‘M sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping everything onto you,” Jimmy muttered into Joel’s shoulder. 

“Stop it,” Joel said seriously, giving a tighter squeeze before returning to a lighter pressure of hug. 

“What?” 

“Stop it. Stop beating yourself up over literally nothing. Nobody’s mad at you— I’m glad you said something. If you didn’t…” Joel pulled one arm away from the hug, taking his now free hand and playing with Jimmy’s hair. “I can’t knock sense into you if I don’t know you need me to.” 

“I don’t need sense knocked into me,” he muttered. 

“Psh. Yeah right.” Joel ruffled his hair a bit, toeing the line on teasing and bothering Jimmy. “Nobody’s mad at you. Promise. And not everything’s your fault just because you exist. Don’t know where you got that idea from.” 

Guilt decided at that moment again to take root in his stomach. It was his fault for being this way. His fault for blowing everything out of proportion. His fault for needing someone to correct his screwed up thinking. 

“You’re thinking again, Jimmy. Is it good or bad?”

“I—” 

“Happy thoughts or angry-sad thoughts?” 

Jimmy pulled away from the hug. 

“I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Joel said. 

But he could be, potentially. He was here to “shake sense” into Jimmy, as he claimed. It wouldn’t take too much to get frustrated when Jimmy failed to listen. 

Joel didn’t understand. He wasn’t Jimmy. He didn’t fail to be a functional human being. He wasn’t the one who died first or who did stupid stuff recklessly. He wasn’t seen as a failure in everyone’s eyes. 

Nobody was angry with Joel. 

He didn’t get it. 

“I’m trying to make you feel better, but you’re not letting me.” Joel forced Jimmy against him, despite Jimmy’s best efforts to be alone. “And you’re not going to feel any better until you admit something is wrong.” 

Jimmy huffed quietly. “Nothing’s— It’s just— Stupid brain. I’m fine, everything’s alright, I can take it.” The huffs became deep breaths, pushing down the frustrated-sad feelings of before. 

“You’re human, Jimmy. You’re allowed to have feelings and let yourself feel them. Even if they are absolutely disgusting and annoying and stupid.” 

Jimmy almost laughed at the comment. The last person to accept emotions as they were was Joel, yet he was close to commanding Jimmy to have them. 

“I’m okay.” 

“You’re really not.” Joel looked him in the eye intensely. He was never anything but intense. “But it’s okay that you’re not okay.” He ruffled Jimmy’s hair again, before gently combing through it. 

And as much as he tried to fight the feelings in his chest, Jimmy was never really that strong. Especially when Joel was encouraging him to lose to them, only making Jimmy more of a fool than he already was. If he was given fewer comforts than this, he might be able to put on a cold face. 

But no. 

Instead, he found himself pressing up voluntarily against Joel, returning the hug several minutes late. “I just want to be strong for once,” he said, sniffling already. “But all I am is stupid and weak and useless.” 

Joel didn’t interrupt. He had to wonder if that was Joel agreeing or just letting Jimmy have his time to speak. “And I know I am. Everybody keeps saying it. And if they don’t say it, they’re implying it.” His voice got waterier than before, and his breath hitched a few times in succession. 

“And I’m not mad at anyone. But I just… I need someone to believe in me, ‘cause I can’t.” His voice broke entirely, and he had to stop talking, knowing he’d become a blubbering mess and Joel didn’t need to deal with that. (And on the other side of things was Tango, who’d feel the emotions to some extent.) 

“I’ll get ‘em to stop. You need a break,” Joel told him. He didn’t affirm nor deny any of the prior statements. 

But Jimmy could agree. He did need a break. He nodded before cuddling up against Joel further. 

“Nobody means anything of it. You know that. It’s just getting in your head. You’re smarter than this. Most people couldn’t even take a minute of teasing before running off crying. You’re a lot stronger than you’re giving yourself credit.” Joel patted Jimmy’s back in a small reassurance. 

“And we know you can do a bunch of cool stuff too. You’re still trying to get better with the whole building thing. And you wouldn’t die to a puddle again.” 

Jimmy gave a small huff. “Don’t remind me.” 

“But you need to think about how much you’ve grown!” Joel exclaimed, though it sounded like he was saying it more amused than encouragingly. 

“I hate you.” 

“I hate you too.” Joel grinned and Jimmy managed to return a small smile. 

Jimmy was strong, and though he could only take so much, he had friends who could make up for his weak moments. 

And though the entire server wouldn’t come around him — Jimmy wouldn’t ask that of everyone — they all agreed to cut out “bullying” Jimmy for the time being, until he gave the okay to start up again. 

It was enough to have Joel there, aware of the issue and even hours later still willingly giving free cuddles and reassurances. Though it couldn’t fix future problems, it helped combat the present thoughts that dare overwhelm Jimmy with self-deprecation. 

Though even in that hour he wasn’t at his strongest, Jimmy wasn’t alone. And maybe that was the important part. There were people who cared about him, beyond his role of being the joke. 

Chapter Text

The only place unscathed by the fire, neither smelling of smoke or looking like debris, was the underground pen of chickens. Though it was musty, it was the only place where Tango could pretend the Ranch hadn’t burned; it was the only sign of life in their house. 

The chicks clucked happily, unaware of how close Tango was to slaughtering all of them. 

He gave them the death stare. 

“Calm down. You gotta calm down for Jimmy,” he reminded himself. “Can’t kill all the animals. Can’t make our situation worse.” 

A chicken tilted its head at him, blinking in faux innocence. That was before he pecked Tango in the leg. 

Tango narrowed his eyes at the stupid creature. 

He was too exhausted for this. 

After playing the chicken’s game of staredown for far too long, Tango gave up, leaning against the wall. Maybe he could get some sleep down here and feel better tomorrow, ready to rebuild the Ranch. 

From upstairs he heard some shuffling. Jimmy was probably making himself useful. He was like that, trying to be helpful to counterbalance the hindrances he’d made. No matter how many times Tango tried to convince him it didn’t matter, he always remained the same: helpful for the sake of keeping everyone (especially Tango) at peace. 

A weird, mildly guilty feeling settled in his stomach. He could be up there, helping. He could be up there, telling Jimmy it didn’t matter. That he wasn’t mad. Well, he was mad, incredibly frustrated about their situation, but never at Jimmy. 

He took a deep breath. It was just through the soulbound; these weren’t his own feelings. Guilt was never Tango’s thing, he was never overly sensitive, never to take anything personally. 

Jimmy was the one hurting in the aftermath. He was the only one trying to make things better. And Tango should go upstairs to say something, especially since he knew Jimmy felt guilty. 

They’d been over this before, though. He’d be beating a dead horse. Jimmy knew by now that Tango had no hard feelings. 

The ladder creaked. Jimmy climbed down carefully, a plate with toast and dried meat on it. Tango didn’t realize how hungry he was until he saw it. 

Jimmy was too nice, ready to pour himself out at a moment's notice. 

“Hey,” he said, guilt seeping through his voice. (Tango may have been bad with emotions, but he knew when something was wrong.) “I fixed dinner.” Jimmy knelt down to his level, handing Tango the plate. 

“Thanks,” he answered quietly, trying to continue to read Jimmy. He acted as though he was walking on eggshells, every movement and word was quiet, sensitive, and careful. 

Maybe it was Tango reading too heavily into things. 

He wasn’t a bad soulmate, was he? Failing to prove to Jimmy that there was no way he’d be angry? 

He watched as Jimmy headed back up the ladder quickly. 

He probably should intervene. 

Not that he’d be very good at it. 

The feelings ebbed and flowed, guilt always eating at him. That guilt was only a fraction of Jimmy’s. Jimmy's was a constant desire to be better, to prove his worth. And as it hit Tango, it blended with his own desires, making a perfect storm of high standards and the knowledge that he too should be a better soulmate. 

Not that he could blame Jimmy for his struggles with this feeling. He was constantly teased and belittled as if his life were a joke. He wasn’t respected or cared for. 

Even Tango was failing to help. A better soulmate would encourage Jimmy. A better soulmate would get through to him. A better soulmate would make Jimmy realize that he didn’t need to live up to anybody else’s standard — that he was loved no matter what.

And Tango just… completely failed at it. He was just angry and stubborn and quiet as he sat here, giving chickens the death stare.  

And this weird, twisting feeling in his stomach was only a tiny bit of whatever junk was in Jimmy’s head. The way his chest ached, only a small pain to Jimmy. Whatever guilt was upstairs with Jimmy might be too much, and Tango’s best excuse was he was tired from everything, overwhelmed by his house being burnt to ashes. 

He could help. He should help. He was a functioning human. 

Tango took a deep breath, trying to calm the feeling a little. The best he could do realistically was calm down so Jimmy didn’t have to feel Tango’s confused, weird, frustrated feelings too. 

They really needed some help in this, didn’t they? 

Tango sat with his comm open, considering messaging someone for advice. What would he even ask? Who even knew Jimmy well enough to get him to open up and get past this situation? 

At best, he knew Grian, who seemed to initiate all the prodding that did bother Jimmy. Everyone else just acquainted themselves with him, never close enough to tease or encourage. 

Maybe Pearl? The two of them seemed to have some past friendship. Maybe she knew something Tango didn’t… 

Fortunately, a person showed up without Tango having to ask. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to TangoTek: Timmy needs company. I’m coming over. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to TangoTek: Just in case you’d like to know ahead of time. 

<Smallishbeans> whispers to TangoTek: Etho’s coming too

He sighed as heaviness lodged into his stomach. It was… really bad if Joel was getting involved. 

Horrible soulmate, so unaware that there was an issue. He wasn’t there for Jimmy. 

He stared at the message, waiting for it to change forms. It was just a trick of the light. Things would be fine. Everything would be fine. The Ranch would be back to normal, Scar’s horse back in place, Jimmy and Tango perfectly happy. 

His head knocked against the wall as he leaned back. He was so tired. Really, this was for the best. 

The ladder creaked again, breaking all his negative thoughts and high standards. Not that anyone expected Jimmy to have a supportive soulmate; the bar was set really low, considering Jimmy was always treated terribly. It wasn’t hard to be better than everyone else. 

Sick guilt twisted at his stomach, one that he could definitely tell was Jimmy’s. Though also his own, in a way, as it took on his own deep concerns. 

He hadn’t said anything. If he’d helped— if he’d been there— Jimmy wouldn’t feel this way. 

He could’ve helped. 

He knew. 

He felt the feelings. 

Jimmy walked in tentatively. “Hey, uh, Tango?” He hesitated. 

Tango tried to smile. Friendly. He had to be friendly. “Hi.” He swallowed, feeling intense nerves fill his chest. If he messed this up, Jimmy would have “confirmation” of Tango’s hatred. 

Jimmy started slow, with deep, shaky breaths. “I uh, sorta made a mistake and I uh, I messaged Joel about something and…” He took another breath before his words sped to an incomprehensible degree. 

“Come again?” Tango’s chest tightened. Jimmy was afraid of him. 

“I… uhm… talked to Joel about cutting out the bit everyone has with me. …Just for a little while so I can clear my head and stuff.” He took a deep breath, and continued at this new slower pace, “And he got the idea that he should come over. And he won’t take no for an answer.” 

Oh. 

Well, at least Jimmy was reaching out? Without Tango’s help? 

“Oh. Ok.” 

But he should probably be better about this, right? He should’ve been up there so Jimmy didn’t have to talk to Joel. But he needed to get that group to cut out the heckling, and Jimmy wouldn’t do that if Tango was always there beside him, encouraging him to push through. 

Jimmy once again spoke in that same weak, deeply afraid voice, “He said Etho’s coming too. Thought I’d warn you, since you don’t seem up for people right now.” 

He felt a little pity settle in his stomach now. Jimmy not only dealt with his own concerns, but he was making sure Tango was alright. 

And for that, Tango had to make it fully clear that everything was alright. “It’s ok. He doesn’t sound like he’s about to go creating problems like usual anyway.” He took a deep breath, fully accepting the fact that right now , he didn’t need to confront the issue. Joel was coming. He’d handle it. “You seem like you’d need the company anyway and I’m not great with the whole… feelings territory.” He gave a slight laugh. 

“What do you mean? …I’m not the one who—” Jimmy stopped short of the accusing tone. Like he wasn’t the one who obviously needed help at this moment. (Though judging on Tango’s reaction to the Ranch, they both needed the help.) “Sorry. Sorry.” 

“I definitely blew up out there. With the rest of the ranch.” Tango paused for a moment, considering his words. Did Jimmy need to know that he felt everything through the soulbound? Maybe it would be a good reminder that he was always there, if needed. “But you, uh… you ever noticed how you can feel when I get all… ragey?” 

“Yes?” 

“It wasn’t strong, but I could uh, feel yours. A bit ago.” 

Jimmy froze up. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say.

“You— you don’t have to feel bad about it. It’s fine! You just— well, it’s probably good that you can talk to— I bet Joel’s better with the whole working through emotions than I am, given I’m not—” 

Ugh— he was supposed to be encouraging and helpful. Not whatever this was. Stupidly blundering through this weird territory. Trying to be encouraging, but failing miserably. 

At least, his only saving grace was the fact that Joel and Etho stepped foot into their base. 

Jimmy looked back at the ladder and headed up without a word. 

Tango could only hope that things went up from here. 

It was hardly two minutes later when Etho came down, careful and quiet too. (Maybe everyone thought Tango was emotionally unstable.) He didn’t bother saying a word, just making his way to the hard stone floor beside Tango. 

Once he sat down, Tango wasted no time in leaning against him. Another person being here already calmed his brain down. 

It was okay. Jimmy had Joel. He had Etho — and Etho knew how to handle him if things got… bad again. 

Etho wrapped an arm around him. Just a bit closer to feel safer. 

Tango felt he could fall asleep without having to try very hard. Except for the emotions that flared through him every so often, a second hand experience of how Jimmy felt, which kept him up. Heavy tension and guilt, hints of anger every so often. 

Which might not have been a problem if Tango was up there. If he had done his due diligence, Jimmy wouldn’t feel awful.  

“I feel like a terrible soulmate.”

He probably shouldn’t be dumping this on Etho. 

“Hm?” 

Not now. Explaining how he felt wouldn’t do anything anyway. 

He sighed. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.” 

Fortunately, Etho never really pressed. Tango wouldn’t have to dump some weird insecurity nonsense out. 

But in not talking, the thoughts got overbearing. And the only way Tango could handle them was in loud huffs of breath. He never was good in handling his frustrations, the anger simmering until it finally got hot enough to boil over. Anger at himself. Anger at everyone else. Every form of it, whether from high standards or betrayal or all his work getting burnt to the ground. 

It was almost too much, as he balled his hands into tight fists, squeezing them until his knuckles turned white. 

Etho pried them open before he could hurt himself. 

Tango’s breaths grew shaky, now the only place in which he could express all of that in his head. (If Etho weren’t here, he’d kill the chickens, break something, or hurt himself. Whichever came first.) 

Etho kept his hand in Tango’s, and Tango had to fight the impulse to squeeze it tightly. The knowledge that he would be hurting someone else was enough to keep him from doing so. As a result, Tango stiffened up, his posture taking on his frustrations. 

He didn’t stay stiffly seated for long. Etho wrapped his arm around Tango a little tighter. It was enough to relax some muscle tension, especially once he leaned into it. 

In the back of his mind though, the words still rang out. You wouldn’t be here if you’d just helped Jimmy in the first place. 

“What makes you a bad soulmate?” Etho asked, breaking the semi-silence — (semi-silence considering the consistent shuffling and clucking of the chickens). 

He should’ve known he wouldn’t have gotten out of explanation forever. No one just says something negative about themselves and fully gets away with it. Not without concerning others. 

And he shouldn’t drag Etho into this. Not into some stupid worries that didn’t mean anything. 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” His voice was raw, dry and shaky. 

“Doesn’t sound fine,” Etho said gently. 

Tango just sighed. If he’d just kept his mouth shut— “I should be upstairs. Helping Jimmy— helping with the house or helping him feel better or something,” he said a bit bitterly. “But instead I’m just feeling sorry for myself even though I know he feels awful.” 

Another heavy, shaking breath. More silence. 

He said in an almost whisper, “I could feel his emotions— through the soulbound— but I didn’t do anything about it.” 

He forced himself to tense up a little, holding back the expression of such emotions still. Someone else. When he was alone. When he was no longer bound to Jimmy. 

“You didn’t?” The question was posed more to prompt him forward. Notably, Etho didn’t sound surprised or really bothered by Tango’s lack of actions. 

“Well– I’ve tried before. But he’s just. If he gets in his head too much… it doesn’t really matter what you say. Doesn’t help.” Anger led to sadness, which now involved repressing crying instead of punching. Debatably it was harder. 

“Is there anything you could do?” 

Tango shrugged. Not like he had any experience encouraging people and working through feelings. He was terrible enough with his own as it was. 

“You’re being really hard on yourself.” 

Tango wanted to roll his eyes. If he were in that sort of mood, he would. Instead he gave a shaky laugh, responding in a watery voice, “Yeah, I couldn’t tell.” 

Etho ran his hand up and down Tango’s arm. Despite never being a hugely touchy person, surprisingly he was rather good at knowing what would calm Tango down. “Do you think it’s necessary?”

“Necessary?”

“To pressure yourself so much.” 

Tango tried to make himself a little smaller, distance himself in whatever way he could. Though “distancing himself” was pretty difficult considering Etho still had his arm around him. “It’s not too much,” he defended. 

“That wasn’t my question.”

He gave a small grunt in response. He didn’t ask for this. He didn’t ask for help. (Granted, he was on the brink of it.) He didn’t want to be interrogated like this.

“Just…” Etho paused a moment, long enough for interruption. “Maybe ask Jimmy about it. There’s no reason to get mad at yourself if he isn’t angry at you either. You’re overwhelming yourself.” 

“I’m not.” He sat tensely. 

“Mhm?”

“Everything’s perfectly fine,” he said, his voice betraying that he couldn’t be further from fine.

“And your place isn’t burned down and you didn’t lose it out there.”

It was so infuriating. Tango gave him the death stare; his anger bubbling over. His breath was quick. His brain seemed to blur, everything around him being overstimulating. From the clucking of chickens, to the uncomfortable floor, to Etho’s proximity being too close. 

“Everything’s fine!” he yelled as he pushed away from Etho. “You don’t need to stop on by and help. I can handle it.” 

And in one fell swoop, everything seemed to crumble. Now that the anger was let loose, so was the disappointment and sadness. And there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to find solitude in. 

He pulled away to another corner of the room, one to which the chickens followed. Still nowhere alone. At least Etho had the decency to not get up and try to get Tango to talk further. He had the decency not to call Tango out, as he buried his head into his knees, balling himself up against the wall. 

He stayed there for at least three minutes, quietly crying and muttering to himself. The chickens were still just as bothersome, occasionally pecking randomly at his legs, in some cases causing them to bleed. He didn’t have the energy to kill the stupid creatures. 

Eventually Tango looked up, forcing himself to break out of the “mood” of sorts he was in. Etho was looking down at his comm, probably tuning out Tango’s little pity party melodrama. He was being stupid and childish and pathetic, unable to control his emotions. 

“Sorry.”

Etho looked up. “You ok now?”

“I— don’t really know.” Tango got up, chickens still following suit, and moved back to his spot before. “I just— I wish I was enough to solve the problems around here. But. You and Joel had to stop by to fix things that—”

Etho pulled him into a hug, refraining from correcting or saying more in the matter. 

“Like you said… ‘m just… pressuring myself too much. But I just.” He took a deep breath, his energy already getting pent up again. “I want to be enough, you know? I don't want to need someone else's help in the first place.”

Etho didn't respond to the mini-rant right away, letting the silence linger. Then he asked, “You’re gonna talk to Jimmy about all this, right?”

Tango hated how right Etho was about it. Things wouldn’t get better until there was a long talk had. 

“Yeah. Will do.”

...

“Just, let me get a nap first.” For the moment, he wasn’t too concerned with that conversation. It could be later.

“I think you just mean getting sleep. It’s too late for just a nap.” 

Tango looked at the time, only finally realizing it was closer to 9:00 than 8:00. “Yeah. Nap, sleep, same difference.” He got up, making his way to the ladder. “If you wanna stay... Though there’s not really anywhere to "stay" now. The door’s always open, or nonexistent, or burnt.” 

When they both got to the upper floor, they found Jimmy asleep, cuddled up to Joel. Joel, half asleep himself, gave a soft smile (which, if in any other situation, he would have never given such a gentle look). 

Fortunately, there was still some leftover wool. Enough to add onto the beds. It would use up all the space in the house, but they’d make it fit. 

And though the guilt threatened to bubble up…

Joel could make things better far before you even tried. 

Tango knew things would be okay. He and Jimmy would be alright, they would survive. 

—Even if the house was burnt to a crisp and the chickens down below refused to shut up.

Chapter Text

Joel and Etho had long since gone and the house got quiet again. Jimmy and Tango busied themselves with tearing down what remained of the house. Full rebuilding would be in session. 

Also a talk. That too. 

“Did you, uh, work through everything with Joel?” Tango asked, seeming to hesitate.

“If you mean with the jokes, he was cool with cutting them out, yeah.” Jimmy tore down a wall before attempting to rebuild it. He felt an odd twist in his stomach, one he could only associate as a Tango-feeling. He looked back, watching as Tango worked on another corner of the house. “What’s wrong?” 

“Uh… nothing.” Jimmy stared until Tango turned around. “What?” 

“I’m sorry but I refuse to believe that’s true. I’d know. Know how you can feel my feelings?” Jimmy could reverse the question back on him. 

Tango looked down at his feet. “Yeah.” 

“I can feel yours. So…” He put the partial stack of birch planks into a pile. Jimmy then crossed the small room, standing right next to Tango. “I wanna know what’s wrong, rancher.” 

His heartbeat threatened to quicken.

Possibly overstepping. Possibly saying the wrong thing. Possibly about to blunder again. 

He took a deep breath. This felt right. This was the right thing to say. Jimmy could make good decisions. He could trust himself on this. 

“I just feel like I’m—” Jimmy watched him expectantly. Tango looked away, wringing his hands slightly. “I should be a better soulmate. You— you deserve better. And I just lost it when the ranch burned and didn’t do anything to help afterward.” 

“It was my fault the ranch burned. I was the one that stole Scar’s horse,” Jimmy reminded him. 

“Yeah, but still. And I knew you were feeling horrible, and I didn’t do anything about it. Even when I could have.” 

Jimmy gripped onto Tango’s shoulders. “My feelings aren’t your responsibility.” He released Tango from his hold. “And I wouldn’t have taken it well if you’d tried to help me. Not that I was a lost cause, but—” 

There was a long pause between the two of them. 

“It’s not your fault I was scared of you. I– you have done everything to prove you’d never get angry with me. I just assumed you’d be like everyone else.” 

“I still left you.” 

Jimmy tsked quietly. “That was not abandonment. And you’ve been far better to me than everyone else. Don’t let yourself believe you’ve been horrible, ‘cause you haven’t.” 

He took a few blocks from a nearby pile, getting to work on “Tango’s section” of the base. 

“I’d never be angry with you,” Jimmy said. “Or disappointed or frustrated or anything. I don’t think I can be.” 

He saw Tango give a small smile. A slight improvement — which he would take as a success. Jimmy could make things better. 

“Thanks.” Tango got back to work too. “Sorry for dumping all that on you.” 

“No, I asked.” The old wall was torn down and a new one was quickly put up. “I care. I wanted to know.” 

“And you’re okay now too?” 

Jimmy smiled back. “Yeah. Absolutely sure of it.” 

There was plenty of work ahead of them. Once the house was rebuilt, they’d have to repopulate the cows. (Fortunately, there were still those few left.) And maybe reinforce the place a bit so it wouldn’t be as flammable. Granted, they were still using oak planks.

And there would always be days when Jimmy would act off of instinct, stealing something or fighting for something and getting killed or his base getting burned as a consequence. And there would be days where communication would be lacking, and both he and Tango would feel terrible but fail to express it. But they’d get through it. They both knew how, now, after all. 

“We’re winning this game, you know. As the best pair of soulmates. We’ll show ‘em,” Jimmy said, as they placed the last few blocks in place. 

“They won’t see us coming!” Tango looked back at the base with pride. “Oooo— Wardens. We need wardens,” he said excitedly. 

“Wardens?” 

“Yeah. We’re bringing one up to the surface, Jimmy. And it’ll kill everybody.” 

“And ourselves,” Jimmy tacked on.

“Probably. But... it’ll be cool, and it’ll show them who’s boss. Nobody burns the Ranch and gets away with it.” 

“YEAH!” 

And even if they didn’t win, they’d leave the series far more confident than before, far more assured of themselves. If that wasn’t a personal win, Jimmy didn’t know what was.