Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Minho wakes up nice and early, ready and eager to begin his day. He stretches and smiles, getting up and out of bed. He knows the rest of his dorm is sleeping soundly, but he can’t help the excitement for today. Today’s the last day before the Korea Music Festival.

Every year, to celebrate K-pop, Mnet hosts a huge charity concert in Seoul to honor the big names. It’s one of the biggest events of the year for the citizens and artists alike. Minho was ecstatic when he found out that Stray Kids would be one of the headliners along with Enhypen, TXT, and (G)i-dle. A celebration of the 4th Generation, of sorts.

While Minho is happily humming their newest song ITEM, cooking breakfast, Felix waddles into the kitchen, looking tired. His voice is so deep and rough from sleep, it’s almost an out of body experience whenever Minho hears it. But he also can’t deny that it’s so sexy. “Good morning, Yongbok-ah!”, he exclaims excitedly, but quiet enough to not wake the other maknaes. He’s got a big, goofy smile on his face, looking nothing like usual aloof, controlled Minho.

“Is the apocalypse upon us?”, Felix asks, to which he’s leveled with a questioning look from the older. “Are we all gonna die? Is the world being turned on its head?” Felix narrows his eyes accusingly. “How come you’re so happy right now?”
Minho rolls his eyes. “Tomorrow’s the big day.”, he says by way of explanation. It seems good enough to Felix, who shrugs and disappears back into his bedroom to change into more suitable day clothing.

Eventually, everyone in the dorm is awake and being fed well by Minho. They’re sitting at the dining table stuffing rice and soup and egg up their faces. Minho prides himself on his well-balanced meals. “Eat up, you all.”, he says, much like a mother coaxing her young sons to eat their meals.

“Is the apocalypse nigh?”, Seungmin asks, mirroring the earlier interaction, to which Minho groans and Felix laughs.

“Yeah, why is Minho-Hyung so smiley this morning?”, Jeongin asks suspiciously, eyeing Minho.

“What, I can’t be excited about tomorrow?”, he demands defensively.
“Of course you can, Hyung.”, Seungmin chuckles, taking a sip of soup and humming in content. “It’s just that you’re usually… not.”

Jeongin and Felix erupt into giggles. “He’s right, Hyung.”, Felix says.
“Man, how did I get stuck with the maknaes?”, Minho asks himself under his breath so no one can hear. He runs an exasperated hand down his face. “You are all lucky I love you.”

“Love you too, Hyung.”, Felix smiles with his sunshine smile.

They finish breakfast and load up in the van to meet the others in the practice room in the JYP headquarters building. As soon as Minho walks through the door and registers that everyone from the other dorm is already there, a large body presses against his back and a smaller against his front, and two pairs of arms circle him. He looks up and sees Chan hugging him from behind and Jisung from the front, and can’t help feeling a warmth inside of him as he blushes. Even after five years, they still make his insides flutter like a schoolboy with a crush. Chan kisses the back of his neck lightly, from his upper back up to his ear, making the younger shudder.

“Good morning, my love.”, he whispers into Minho’s ear, making him full-body shudder. Jisung, by way of greeting, just clings to him tighter.

“Good morning, darlings.”, Minho replies, nuzzling back into Chan and pulling Jisung further into him so he’s the middle of a love sandwich.
Suddenly, someone clears their throat. Minho looks up and Changbin is watching them with a fond smile, Felix in his arms and wrapped around his neck.
“As much as I’d love to watch you guys because my boyfriends are cute and sweet as hell,”, he says, kissing the top of Felix’s forehead to prove his point, “We do have a routine to practice.”

As he says that, it’s as if Minho’s brain immediately switches from mushy, loving mother mode to dance leader mode.
“You’re right.”, he responds, breaking away from his cuddly captors, to which Jisung whines and makes grabby hands. Minho chuckles fondly, rubbing his head like an owner to a bothersome puppy. “Oh, quiet you.” He kisses Jisung on the lips sweetly. “You can cuddle me after we finish practice.”

That seems to perk Jisung right back up, as Minho walks over to take his place in front of the group. It warms him inside to see all of his boyfriends like this: Seungmin’s got an arm around Jeongin’s shoulders, Changbin’s hands are on Felix’s shoulders, caressing him lightly and carefully, and Jisung, Chan, and Hyunjin are linked in some sort of hug chain.

He clears his throat loudly to get everyone’s attention.

“Today is our last day of dance practice before the real deal!”, he announces, smiling when everyone shoots back determined looks. He’s sure he gets a few tiny “fightings” back. “I don’t want to see anyone going all out!”, Minho exclaims. “We give about 40% today! This is only a review of the setlist; I don’t want anyone injured before the concert.”

“Yes, Hyung!”, everyone shouts back in unison, except Chan, who just stands there and smiles.

Let’s get started, shall we?”, Minho asks, just to be responded to by cheers and a few kisses here and there.

Everyone takes their spots, and the familiar instrumental of “S-Class” begins. They execute each move routinely, and when it’s over, they’re panting, sweaty, and collapse together in a heap on the floor in a giant group cuddle. Chan’s in the middle with Hyunjin and Jeongin cuddled up to him, while Minho and Jisung are cuddled together with Changbin’s strong arms around them, and Seungmin being nuzzled into by Felix. They bask in the moment for a minute before anyone speaks.

“You are all amazing.”, Minho breathes, pulling Jisung and Changbin impossibly closer. The younger shifts his place so his strong arms are now around Minho and his chest pressed into his back, and his hands pull Jisung further into the older’s chest. Once again, he’s in the middle of a love sandwich. He’ll never escape those, and he’s not sure he wants to.

“We know.”, Seungmin smiles into Felix’s shoulder, trying to hide the sappy grin but failing miserably at it.
Chan hums from his spot on the floor a few feet away. “Prideful much, hm?”

“No, Hyung.”, Jeongin says, shifting to lay on his front on top of Chan to look down at him. He gives him a quick kiss. “It’s just facts. We are the best.”

Minho can feel Jisung and Changbin’s smiles on his skin. Suddenly, though, he sits up, much to Jisung’s dismay, who cuddles up into his lap. He seems clingy today, as per usual. Minho strokes his silky brown hair with a fond smile.

“We should celebrate our amazingness.”, Minho says. “After the show, I’m taking you all on a date. And afterwards, we are all going home and I’ll show you all how much I love you.”

Now, everyone’s got a deep blush on their cheeks.

Damn, Hyung.”, Changbin says from behind him, chuckling, wrapping his hands tighter around Minho’s waist. “Don’t say things like that. You’re gonna get me all hot and bothered.”

Minho wiggles his eyebrows ridiculously, with a salacious, mischievous grin plastered over his pretty face. “What if that’s the idea?”

“With all due respect, Hyung”, Jisung states from his lap flatly, “I need to dance tomorrow, and I won’t be able to do that if my legs are sore and I can’t even sit down on my ass.”

Everyone cracks up into giggles.

“Jisungie speaks the truth.”, Felix says. Some of them start to get up for a water break, when a knock on the practice room door startles them.
They stand up, however reluctantly, as their boss, Park Jinyoung PDnim walks in.

“Park Jinyoung PDnim!”, Chan greets respectfully, almost routinely. After so long, Minho suspects it’s become a habit. “Good morning. How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you, and you?”, JYP responds automatically.

To Minho, this interaction feels so stilted, so wrong. It’s as if Chan’s practiced this moment over and over again in his head before it happened. He’s overly, almost awkwardly polite.

“We’re great, sir.”, Chan bows a little. “We just finished practicing tomorrow’s setlist.”

“I hope you didn’t go all out.”, JYP states back quickly.

“Yes sir! Minho Hyung made sure of it.”, Jeongin replies. They all level Minho with terribly loving looks and he flushes under the attention and praise. JYP sends an approving look Minho’s way. Jisung comes up behind him and wraps his hands around Minho’s waist. He chuckles. They can’t keep their hands to themselves ever.

He’s sure the moment Jisung’s hands clasp around his waist, JYP levels them with a glare. He can’t say why, but something about that look makes his blood boil. Almost as if JYP disapproves of their love for one another. But he keeps it in, and leans into Jisung’s hold as the younger kisses his neck lightly.
JYP smiles, but Minho notices it doesn’t reach his eyes. That intense stare is making him uncomfortable and he pushes out of Jisung’s arms, much to the younger’s dismay, but he doesn’t say a word. “Well, I just came to check up on you lot. Make sure you’re doing well. Congratulations on your music show tomorrow. I’m sure it will go tremendously.”

Their boss leaves unnervingly quickly, and as Minho watches him go, he can’t help the feeling in his gut. Eyes don’t lie, and when he looks over at Changbin, who’s the best at reading people, he can tell the younger is going through the same thought process. They both glance at Chan, who just blinks a few times and gives them a concerned look. The younger members either don’t seem to notice, or just don’t care. Minho knows they’re not stupid nor naïve enough to not have noticed, but he knows most of them will brush it off. But he also knows that Chan and Changbin won’t, so it comes as no surprise that when they’re packing up for the day, Chan approaches him. “We’re all going to hang out in the 3Racha dorm. Meet us in my bedroom.”

Minho just nods.

Everyone’s sitting on either the couch or floor in the living room, laughing wholeheartedly as Jisung jokes, while Hyunjin dramatically reacts to his words. Well, everyone but Chan and Changbin. Minho can’t help but fondly watch their maknaes.

“I’ll be right back.”, he tells the group without explanation, as he heads down the hall for Chan’s room. He hopes they’ll just assume he’s using the bathroom.

“Why are all the Hyungs gone right now?”, he hears Jeongin ask, to which Seungmin quickly replies: “Probably doing some old people alpha shit or something.” Minho has no idea what he’s talking about, but he hears all of them laugh as he slips into Chan’s bedroom.

Changbin and Chan are sitting side-by-side, as close as they can possibly get without being on each other’s laps. They look so comfortable, comforted by each other’s presence, but that doesn’t help the frowns deep-set into their expressions. When Minho enters, their eyes light up more, but it’s still not enough. He goes around the back of the bed, climbing in, and slinging an arm around each boyfriend, and they sit there like that for a few minutes, as if they’re trying to mold together.

“I’m assuming you both noticed that earlier, too, yeah?”, Chan asks, once they’ve separated, and Minho’s halfway sitting on Changbin’s lap.

“Yeah. It was weird. Like, like he was mad about us… or something?”, Minho says, shaking his head. He can’t seem to find the words to properly convey what he’s trying to say.

“Do you think it was nothing?”, Changbin asks neither of them in particular.

“I don’t know. All I know is that I want to make sure everyone stays happy. Maybe it was just one of PDnim’s off days, you know?”, Chan says, carding his fingers through Changbin and Minho’s hair. “I just want to keep my job…”, he murmurs afterwards. Now, Minho’s sure that there isn’t any way, after all these years, for Chan to lose his job off something so small. That being said, he does want to make sure everyone’s safe and protected and happy.

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”, a breathy voice from the doorway says. The eldests’ heads whip towards the door, where everyone else is standing. Their eyes widen in shock.

“What?”, Seungmin says, unimpressed. “You think we didn’t notice?”

“Well newsflash: we did.”, Jeongin adds. “And we’re sure it’ll be okay.”

“As long as we have each other.”, Jisung finishes. The three eldest blink at them for a minute, until Minho says flatly: “How long did you rehearse that?”

“How long were you listening to us?”, Chan asks, ignoring Minho’s comment.

“That’s not important.”, Hyunjin states firmly. “What’s important is that we aren’t kids-”

“Right, we’re Stray Kids.”, Jeongin interrupts proudly, just to be promptly ignored. He chuckles to himself awkwardly.

“-so we don’t need you three to protect us, or whatever you think you’re doing.”, Hyunjin finishes without a hitch. Jisung suddenly steps into the room, the first of the younger ones to do so since they’re all still standing in the threshold, and steps up to Minho, kissing him deeply. Everyone else watches on with varying degrees of confusion and intrigue.

“I appreciate the thought. I love you so much, Hyung. But you don’t have to worry, we’ll be okay.”, Jisung says to him, quickly getting into the bed and snuggling up with Minho and Changbin. It’s little intimate moments like this that are truly Minho’s favorite. It forces him to remember how much he loves them- and they love him. The rest of the group pads over to the bed and sits down.

“Binnie-Hyung?”, Felix says, looking up from where he’s leaning on Changbin’s muscular arm. “Why didn’t you guys just talk about it with all of us? You can talk about anything with us, you know.”

“Yeah!”, Hyunjin exclaims dramatically. “Do you really trust us that little?” He threw his head back and his hand over his eyes.

“But seriously though.”, Jeongin says. “You three should know you can tell us anything. No judgment. Ever. Because we love you guys.”

There’s a moment of silence, when suddenly Jisung laughs. “We’re so sappy, aren’t we?”, he snorts through laughter.

Changbin and Seungmin join him, while Hyunjin and Jeongin look on in faux-offense. “Excuse me, I was being genuine!”, Jeongin announces, while Hyunjin squeezes his cheeks. “Yeah! Innie was being very serious!”

Chan and Minho exchange guilty looks. “Sorry guys. I guess… I don’t know. Don’t have an excuse.”, Minho says, not being able to formulate words correctly at the moment.

“It’s okay, Hyung.”, Felix says. “You don’t have to explain. Just communicate with us, okay? And if you ever need your old people Hyung time together- Seungmin’s words, not mine- we’ll understand.”

“Man”, Changbin exclaims, grabbing Felix’s cheeks in his hands and giving them a light squish. “What did we do to deserve such amazing boyfriends?”

“Everything, Hyung.”, Felix responds, finally throwing a leg over Changbin’s lap and kissing him excitedly, rutting lightly up.

“We promised no sex today!”, Hyunjin exclaims, exasperatedly watching the two.

“True”, Jisung says from his spot, almost laying on top of Minho. “But we said nothing about cuddles.” He turns to Minho with puppy eyes. “Will… you cuddle me?” He grabs on tighter to Minho, who’s chuckling, saying that he did promise, as they all collapse on Chan’s bed together, in one giant cuddle heap. In this moment, they’re sure none of them would want to be anywhere else.

Tomorrow rolls around, and Minho finds himself standing with his boyfriends in the dressing room in their stage outfits, (which, for this one, consists of ripped jeans and blazers for everyone, except him, who got mysterious gray sparkle pants) and makeup outlining and defining his features. He can’t help but think about how good of a job the artists did, as all of the members look positively stunning. And, Minho’s a weak man, so he can’t help stealing glances at Chan and Felix’s delicious abs showing from their too-short shirts. Sure, he’s seen them naked plenty of times, but, somehow, Minho finds them all the more sexy with shirts on and abs barely showing. Why? Hell if he knows. Like he said, he’s weak.

He looks over at Changbin and Jisung, who are both in pants that look like they’ve been ripped by animals. On the bright side, he can see both of their smooth, milky thighs. He almost drools a little. He notices them laughing together about something, and can’t help but watch their sweetness in awe. Seungmin, Jeongin, and Hyunjin are sitting together chatting, and Jeongin’s got the signature embarrassed-out-of-his-mind look when someone compliments him. He’s clutching his face in his hands and shaking his head as the other two try and cheer him up. Minho chuckles.

“10 minutes to showtime!”, a manager yells, and everyone gets up and makes their way to the backstage area. It’s dark and there’s cameras and equipment everywhere, but they manage to complete a group huddle.

“Let’s get out there and do well for STAY!”, Chan yells excitedly. “Fighting! Stray Kids on three!”

“ONE, TWO, THREE, STRAY KIDS!!”, they all yell together as their hands clasp together and release.

They’re met with an onslaught of cheers from the crowd as they head onstage. It’s bright, almost blinding, and so hot from the stage lights. But Minho can ignore all that in favor of thinking about the adrenaline rush he gets when he performs.

S-Class begins, and they go all out for the choreography, Minho executing his kick in the first verse perfectly. It makes him surprisingly proud of himself. They dance through the song, singing their hearts out, and when it ends, they all smile widely and laugh. Minho’s attention is specifically caught by Jisung’s sunny heart-shaped smile. He can’t help but smile back so fondly. The crowd is cheering so loudly it hurts his ears, but they’re jumping up and down and Minho can’t help but get swept up in the excitement.

“Hello, everyone!”, Chan exclaims into the mic, ever the entertainer and leader. “Before we go any further, let’s introduce ourselves. Hana, dul, set-”
They all yell out “Step out! Hello, we are Stray Kids!”. That’s the easy part. That’s routine.

The crowd cheers back; Minho swears he hears someone shout “I love you, Chan”. He chuckles and looks over to their leader who is smiling bashfully and rubbing his neck.

Minho laughs and decides he should take over. But he’s not as well-versed as Chan, so all he can think of is to shout “STAY” at the top of his lungs while his members shoot him confused looks. It seems to work though, as the crowd is even more hyped up now, cheering impossibly louder.

They decide to get into position for the next song, which, Minho knows from their weeks of preparation, is Maniac. They dance it flawlessly too, except for one little hitch where Jisung forgets his lyrics. When his lyrics go, his choreography goes, so he stands there in a state of paralysis, just holding his mic, eyes wide, while the rest of them and the crowd burst out into laughter. He laughs along, embarrassed, and once his part passes, he falls back into the choreography with ease.

With each song that comes and goes, Minho’s adrenaline rush wears further and further down, and by the end, he just happily and tiredly sings “Haven” with his members, while the crowd jumps up and down. He can’t describe the feeling of pride in him, as he holds Jisung close to him by his waist and belts out his lyrics, a big goofy grin on his face.

Their time slot for the concert ends, and the crowd erupts into cheers and Minho sees a sea of their lightsticks being held up in the crowd. Pride, for the nth time that night, swells within him.

“We did so well!”, Felix is shouting excitedly as they walk offstage, ears clearly having adjusted to the noise and his voice staying loud.

“I’m so proud of you guys!”, Chan adds, and they quickly take a group selfie and hurry into the dressing rooms to shower, change into more comfortable clothing, and wipe off their makeup. When everyone meets again at the door, they share a loving group hug.

“So, Minho Hyung…”, Changbin says, holding Minho’s shoulder and smirking almost evilly. “Can we take you up on that offer?”
It takes a minute for Minho to register what he’d promised them yesterday, and he blushes. “Right. Take your pick for food.”

They end up hitting a simple BBQ place after Changbin’s loud and explosive declaration about his craving for meat that no one was surprised about. The rest of them shrug and agree, and they head over to their favorite casual BBQ joint in Seoul.

Chan and Minho decide to take the lead and cook for everyone, making so much gogi, you’d swear they were trying to feed an army. There are plenty of sides too, a delicious array of rice, kimchi, mandu, and plenty of different sauces, all of which Minho finds incredibly tasty. The gochujang and handmade Japanese “BBQ Sauce” are his favorites. He likes himself some good spice.

“Thank you, Hyung! This is so delicious!”, Felix exclaims, grinning as he stuffs his face.

“It really is. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised; we come here all the time.”, Chan says with a grin and a chuckle.

“Yes Hyung.”, Jisung levels him with an intense stare. “There’s a reason for that.”

They share happy banter with one another, smiling goofily and talking about anything and everything, until they’re all full. Minho pays the bill and they head out to his dorm.

“Okay so, I was promised an orgy.”, Hyunjin says, leaning his weight onto Minho as they walk home.

"I don’t remember saying that.”, the older responds, pretending to be deep in thought.
Changbin smirks from where he’s holding hands with Jisung and Jeongin. “I thought that was implied.”

“I guess so.”, Minho sighs, feigning exasperation, because, in truth, he could never stay mad at them, nor could he say no to an orgy.

The minute they enter the dorm, it’s like a switch is flipped, and none of them can keep their hands to themselves. (In reality, they can’t keep their hands to themselves anyway, but this is different.) Minho watches from the front door as he locks it as Felix basically tackles Hyunjin and Changbin, Seungmin and Jeongin are pulling each other closer, their lips connected, and Chan and Jisung approach him.

Jisung wastes no time taking Minho’s lips into his own, making him shudder and sigh. At the same time, Chan runs the palms of his hands over Minho’s sides and back, under his shirt. His hands are calloused, and the roughness over his smooth skin makes him shiver fully now. Minho pulls away from Jisung long enough to let Chan pull his shirt over his head, and he grabs Jisung back into his arms and kisses him roughly again. He feels down to Jisung’s soft abs that he’s been working for in the gym for so long. Jisung smiles into the kiss, and touches Minho’s soft tummy on the same spot. It’s like a fire is lit within him when he’s near Jisung, making him want to do anything and everything to him.

Chan scoops both of them up into his arms, his show of strength making Minho’s heart beat faster. He sets the two on his bed, Changbin and Felix scooting over to give them ample room. Jisung moves over a little, so Chan climbs over top of him. Minho’s heart stutters in his chest. Chan stays like that and gazes into Minho’s eyes for a moment, then connects their lips in a heated and rough kiss.

An hour later, they’re all in a cuddle pile again, sweaty and utterly satisfied to the nth degree. Minho’s convinced nothing in this world could top this euphoric feeling.

“Thanks, Minho.”, Chan says after a long period of comfortable silence. Minho glances back in confusion. “What did I do?”

“You proposed this idea, duh.”, Hyunjin says back from a little farther away, as if it’s the most obvious fact in the universe. Although, somewhere along the way, Minho forgot who’d started it and just gave in to his desires.

“Guys, I just realized.”, Seungmin pipes up from his spot spooning Changbin, as if a damning realization has hit him. “We’ve got an interview tomorrow. With Cosmo Korea?”

It’s as if a light has turned on again, immediately sobering them up, and all of their eyes widen.

“Shit. You’re right.”, Jisung says. “How am I gonna be able to sit down again?” He eyes Minho with a playful glare. “Thanks a lot, Hyung.”

“My pleasure.”, Minho responds easily. Jisung groans at the stupid joke, but can’t hold back his pleased smile.

“Well you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”, Changbin states. Hyunjin whines in response.

“How? My ass is gonna be on fire!”

“That’s your problem to deal with, baby.”, the older volleys back playfully, making Hyunjin pout.

“Some supportive boyfriend you are.”

Changbin throws his arms around Hyunjin in a tight hug.

“You love me though.”

“I do.”

“Ew, gay people!”, Jeongin cries, shielding his eyes as if he’s innocent. As if he didn’t get railed by Seungmin just twenty minutes earlier.

“Oh no.”, Felix says, monotone, rolling his eyes. “You aren’t sitting in the middle of an eight-boyfriend orgy.”

“Excuse me if I’d like to keep any shred of innocence I have.”

“Oh shut up, you bug.”, Felix giggles, rubbing Jeongin’s hair roughly. “You may be our maknae, but you have none.”

“Kids.”, Minho finally says, from Chan’s arms, feeling way too much like a mother with her husband and six annoyingly lovable children. “Let’s go to sleep now, we’ve got another big day ahead of us tomorrow.” He switches off the bedside lamp, and without missing a beat, everyone else responds with a, “Yes, mom.”

Minho blushes furiously, and he knows Chan can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks where they lay on his chest.

He sleeps so well that night.

Chapter Text

The next day, they’re at a modeling company building ready for their photoshoot and interview, and luckily, since they all slept so well that night, they wake up not looking like zombies drunk off of sex.

They make it through the photoshoot with ease, posing routinely. They watch each other’s shoot with awe, fawning over one another. When Jisung goes up, clad in his black suit vest and tie, Minho observes intently, feeling like he may have fallen in love all over again. Not just with him, but all of them. His quokka couldn’t be more adorable and sexy at this moment, however. When it’s Chan’s turn, he appreciates his masculinity and he’s pretty sure he couldn’t ask for a better leader. Changbin goes up, and he appreciates the steadiness he brings to the group. He’s sure the younger knows him better than he knows himself. Hyunjin’s next, and Minho’s drawn to his beauty and genius. His entire body is art. Jeongin’s next, and he admires how pretty his baby is. Yes, he’s claimed Jeongin as his official baby. Then Seungmin goes. Minho appreciates the fact that he can joke around with him, but still show him every part of himself, and Seungmin will never judge him for anything. Felix is last, and his smile brightens everyone in the room, even the staff. Minho doesn’t even need to think twice about why he loves his sweet little Aussie boyfriend.

“You’re terrible at hiding your fondness.”, Chan whispers from behind him while Felix is posing.

“I know. Can’t help it. Love you all too much.”, Minho responds easily, like it’s obvious.

Chan gazes at him lovingly, snaking an arm around his waist. “You’re such a mom.”

Minho chuckles, because he knows he can’t deny it.

Soon, the photoshoot area, the white backdrop, has got eight stools set up in a neat row. They take their seats, Jisung at the end, then Minho, Felix, Changbin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Chan, and Hyunjin at the other end.

“Tell us.”, the interviewer states. “Where did the inspiration for S-Class come from?”

Chan starts speaking, but Minho can’t focus on his words because Felix’s hand is on Changbin’s thigh instantly. That’s normal in all their interviews though; Felix enjoys fidgeting, especially if it’s with the third eldest. They’re all used to his love of skinship, so Changbin pays no mind like usual, and picks up where Chan was talking. Jisung to his right is equally antsy, squirming subtly in his seat. Minho decides to be a little cruel and mess with him a bit, so he leans in, so close to his face that they almost kiss. He spares a fleeting glance to Jisung’s plush lips before the younger pulls back with a squeak. He knows Jisung would never let them publicly kiss like this, but that doesn’t make it less fun.

Further down the line, Minho notes that the others aren’t doing much better. He watches in interest as Seungmin and Jeongin throw arms around each other’s shoulders, leaning on each other, Hyunjin is so close to Chan that he might feel his breath but no part of them touch. He’s sure that even the producers can feel the sexual tension in the room. Minho’s not entirely sure where it came from, but he doesn’t mind it.

The interview ends simply, and they disperse to change into more comfortable clothing. While Chan’s in the waiting room for the others, he gets a call from their manager.

“Chan-ah? Did you just finish your shoot and interview? Are you all available right now?” He sounds distressed, so Chan gives his best calming voice.

“Yeah, Hyung, why?”

“Because Park Jinyoung PDnim wants to see you. It’s- it’s not good.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll explain when you get back to the building. Text me when you’re back.”

He gets hung up on, a deep set, worried frown adorning his features and a knot of worry churning in his stomach. He doesn’t know what he’ll tell everyone.

He’ll probably just worry all of them, he might make Jisung panic-

“What’s going on, Hyung?”

Minho and Changbin. He can’t ever get anything past the second and third oldest. He knows both of them can read him like an open book.

“Something’s wrong. We can tell.”, Changbin adds, while the two gazed up at him in worry. He’s standing with his arms crossed, while Minho’s got his hands uncomfortably stuffed into his sweatpant pockets.

“Nothing’s wrong-”

“Don’t give us that bullshit, Hyung.”, the third eldest says, while they both cross their arms and level Chan with an unimpressed look. “We know something is up.”

Chan sighs in defeat. “Manager just called. Said Park Jinyoung PDnim wants to see us. It’s bad.”

Both of their faces fall only a little, but Chan can read that they’re just trying to be strong for him.

“I’m sure it’s nothing terrible, Hyung.”, Changbin reassures. “Maybe it's just something simple?”

Minho nods while rubbing Chan’s back. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together, yeah?”

Chan nods back, but he can’t shake the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s going to be a long ride back.

Jisung knows something’s wrong by the dead silence on the car ride home. The three eldest are exuding a terrified energy, like they know some awful information the rest of them don’t. Jisung hates it. He opts to just frown and shift closer to Minho and hold him, but stay silent. The older doesn’t even hold him back from it.

As they stand in JYP’s office, Jisung’s heart is slowly sinking down his stomach, and he wishes he could be anywhere but there. JYP’s sitting at his desk, leveling them all with a glare that makes Jisung coil in his seat and grab Minho’s shoulder, burying his face into his side. Suddenly, he remembers the practice room incident a few days prior.

“You’re all probably wondering what you’re doing here.”, JYP states, his voice stern, but level.

“Are we-”

JYP interrupts Chan, holding up a hand. “No. None of you are fired. Who would I be if I fired some of my best money makers?”

A sigh of relief no one knew they were holding escapes everyone in the room.

“However”, JYP says, and the tense atmosphere is back. “We will be making some… arrangements for all of you.”

Jisung is so confused, he picks his head off of Minho’s shoulder, just to be met with an evil glint in his boss’s eye. His stomach drops more than he thinks it ever could.

“I’m just going to cut to the chase. Here’s what we’re going to do: each of you are going individually to a different city around the globe, far away from one another. Hopefully that distance will help.”

Jisung’s eyes are wide. He’s too surprised to think of much else. “Help?”, he suddenly hears Chan pipe up from where he’s standing a few feet away from him, arms crossed. “Help with what?”

“Moreover, you will only be allowed a company cell phone. Give me your personal cells right now.”, JYP grins a little, completely ignoring Chan’s questions, making Jisung’s stomach churn in disgust. He taps the desktop in front of him.

“Huh? Why on Earth would we do that?”, Changbin asks. Jisung knows he’s already not a fan of JYP, and the disgust and fury is written all over his face.

“You value your jobs, don’t you?” No one moves. “You value STAY, don’t you?” Everyone visibly tenses. “Don’t you want to earn a living as Stray Kids?” Then, the cherry on top of this horrid pile of threats. “Do you really want to waste five years just like that? And you, Chan. Seven years a trainee gone straight to waste. You don’t want to do that, do you?”

Left helpless, and wide-eyed, fighting back tears, Chan places his cell phone on his desk. Everyone follows suit, knowing it’s that or their livelihoods at stake. Jisung watches the gears turn in Chan’s head through his eyes, and he wishes he could do something to stop this, but he doesn’t completely understand what’s happening.

“All of your cell phone numbers will be changed, and you’ll be allowed only a flip phone to communicate with the company and your families. No contact with one another.” JYP smiles, almost evilly. “You will all do well on your own, I’m sure.” They watch helplessly as JYP scoops each phone up, and sets them in a lock box with a key he slides into his pants.

Everyone is silent for a long, drawn-out moment. Suddenly, the smallest, shakiest voice rings out among the room. Felix. “But why?”

JYP stares down his nose at the young Aussie. “Because, Yongbok-ah, if you all keep these charades up, you’ll ruin the company.” Everyone gives confused looks and exchanges glances.

“Let me explain it to you, because clearly your pea-brains don’t seem to get it”, JYP rolls his eyes. It only serves to make emotions run higher. “ I know you are all romantically involved. You are so obvious in interviews. I’m sure you know our policy.”

“No dating until 4 years after debut.”, Minho recounts, making Jisung shudder and coil in on himself a little more, bringing his knees to his chest. It makes him feel dirty, as if he’s broken a rule, even though, in the back of his mind, he knows he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“Correct, Minho. However, you must be subtle about it. None of you are particularly subtle. There are tabloids and news about your relationship with each other everywhere right now. As well, that interview you did earlier. It was a live broadcast. I saw your interactions; you can’t lie.” He types something really quickly into his laptop. “Plus, checking Dispatch, you’ll see that the first thing you find is Minho and Jisung.” He turns his laptop around on his desk, showing a Dispatch article with the two of them in an interview to prove his point. He gestures to the article, and everyone’s stomach drops. Have they really caused so many issues? The headline says: Could Lee Know and Han of Stray Kids be romantically involved? Yes, and here’s five reasons why.

The two exchange nervous glances with one another.

“You are going to cause a dating scandal, guaranteed. So I’m doing something about it before you ruin this company.” He nods to himself. “And, in return for your silence about all of this, you each will be given 12 billion Won.” They all gasp in shock. That’s more money than they’ve ever made before, and all just to keep them quiet?

Now, Changbin looks furious. Jisung can tell from his facial expression that he’s not thinking clearly. Everything just explained has overwhelmed him, and he’s acting out the only way he knows how. He slams his hands on the desk so hard Jisung recoils, even though he sees it coming, sliding into Minho’s lap to cuddle into him, just wanting to disappear into the older. The loud slam spooks everyone in the room. Minho clutches Jisung back.

“This is the only way?”, Changbin growls. If he were an animal, his eyes would be bright red right now. Bright red and feral. “The only way you could think of to solve this? Cut our contact and send us halfway around the globe?!” Angry tears are freely streaking down his cheeks, and everyone is fighting back tears themselves, though some, like Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin, who have been silent the entire time, are losing the battle. “We’ve worked so hard… Y-you piece of shit!”, Changbin continues yelling, looking about ready to pop JYP’s head off. Their boss watches him with an unimpressed expression. “You monster! You’re evil! I swear when I get my hands on you-”

Chan has to hold him back with strong arms around his waist from attacking their Sajangnim.

“I’ll forgive you for those words, Changbin.”, JYP says, sounding completely unaffected. “Pack up. You all leave tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!”, Changbin all but screams, tears staining now. Jisung’s sure the people in the rooms and hallway adjacent to JYP’s office can hear them clearly and most likely know exactly what’s happening. He recoils more into Minho, who holds him impossibly close. They don’t even get enough time to say their goodbyes properly? That somehow scares Jisung more than JYP is right now.

“Yes, tomorrow. Now see yourselves out. I have work to finish up.”, JYP says, looking back down to his laptop, as if the eight of them are nothing but pestering children.

They do as told in silence, not finding the will to be able to do much else and head back to their dorms.

Jisung sits at the foot of Chan’s bed as the older places his clothing into a suitcase. Chan looks as if he’s in a daze, a stupor that he can’t snap out of, staring emptily out into the void while folding his laundry. The tears have stopped, but are replaced by emotionless stares. Jisung isn’t faring better. His knees are pulled up to his chest as he rocks back and forth, tears streaming, even though he’s silent.

He can’t stop thinking about the “What ifs”, including, but not limited to: what if they forget him, what are they gonna do now, what if they never see each other again, and suddenly, his lungs feel like they’ll seize up. Like the air is being wrung out of him. He starts hyperventilating, his lungs can’t grasp any air, and he starts screaming for help, crying like he’s never cried before. His breaths are so quick and shallow, and he keels over onto his side, helpless to keep himself upright. A steady, warm hand is placed on his back, and he realizes belatedly that Chan’s cradling him. The older hushes him, telling him to breathe, but his ears are blank. A high-pitched squeal resounds in his ears, they feel like they’re about to explode, and he holds his head, unable to do anything but pray for it to stop. Chan says something, he hears two other voices, but he can’t make anything out.

Soon, another set of hands that he recognizes, strong, firm, and warm, pick him up. Minho. The only member who can really soothe him out of a panic attack like this one. Sure, the others can and do help and he loves them all to death, but Minho is truly the only one that can take him apart and then put him back together perfectly. That’s what happens when your soul finds its mate, he supposes. He’s told again to breathe, and his vision and hearing steadily return, as he calms down more. His vision returns clearly, and he finds that he’s being surrounded by all of his boyfriends. Even so, he clings to Minho like a koala, and refuses to leave him alone.

He ends up sleeping with Minho that night, rather, they all end up sleeping together on Chan’s bed. They’re a mass of cuddles and unshed tears. Jisung finds himself so exhausted from crying that he passes out quickly in Minho’s arms.

Jisung wakes up from his slumber wrapped in his boyfriend's embrace. His heart clenches in his chest.

He looks up to see that Hyunjin, Chan, and Minho gazing back at him.

He squirms, deciding to just cling to them tighter. But it seems his moving wakes everyone else up.

"What's going on?", asks Felix drowsily.

"What time is it?", Seungmin says, yawning.

Jeongin sits up, wiping his eyes.

Changbin huffs tiredly, reaching over to the nightstand to check his cell phone. "5:34.", he reads.

Jisung frowns, guilt eating at him a little. "Sorry for waking you guys up, I-I just couldn't sleep."

"We were up already anyway.", Minho shrugs.

Something about the nonchalant way Chan and Minho are looking at him makes Jisung almost think that they don't even care. That he doesn't matter to them. But Jisung knows those two well enough to know they're hiding their pain for the sake of the younger members. In reality, they're probably hurting the most. Jisung looks into Chan's eyes, then Minho's. He senses Chan is worried that he failed as a leader, and Minho's broken about having to leave his loves. Of course, they all are, but there's something in the way his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Jisung can tell.

They're silent for a long moment, until Felix addresses what's on their minds, and what's inevitably weighing the air in the room down. "This can't be it, can it?"

They all look stare at him, various degrees of worry on their minds.

"Of course not.", Minho says, though his voice is far more unsure than Jisung's ever heard it before.

"Well then, what? What now?", Jeongin asks, his eye twitching.

"I'm not sure what we can do.", Chan reasons. "It's either our jobs, our livelihoods, STAY, or each other."

"What a shitty decision to make.", Hyunjin mumbles angrily.

"Yeah," Changbin says to him sympathetically, wrapping his arms around the younger, "But at this rate, there's no getting around it."

There's another bout of silence.

"I don't want to give up STAY.", Jisung's voice cracks as he says it, "But... giving up you guys sounds awful too."

There's an understanding of disbelief shared between their eyes, Jisung can tell. They're all wondering why ever their own boss would do something like this to them. And, as he exchanges glances with Chan, his heart falls.

"I know that look. You're actually considering this might be a good idea.", he spits at Chan, venom coating his voice without him actually meaning to.

"It sounds awful... and it is... but.... what if it's actually a good thing?"

Hyunjin glances over with shock written all over his face, while Jisung clings to Minho, like usual.

"Listen. We know how bad scandals can be these days. And- and I don't want to ruin the company.", he reasons, but from his tone of voice, Jisung knows he starting to believe his own argument less and less. "Maybe a little time apart will be a good thing. Plus, it's not like JYP can have us apart for long. We're his biggest moneymakers, besides Twice. Maybe we can make this a good thing. Maybe it'll be like a fun vacation."

They all watch him in silence, various degrees of surprise etched on their faces.

"You can't be serious, Chan.", Changbin says, a tiny ounce of anger laced into his voice. He's also only ever called Chan by his first name when he's angry, and it scares Jisung a little.

"Chris-", Felix starts, but can't seem to continue. He just sits quietly, leaning into Seungmin.

"I know, I know, it's not ideal. But maybe we can try to make the best of it? We'll see each other again in no time, I know it. This will be, what, a month at most? I'm sure we'll be okay." Again, that tone of voice is there that makes Jisung sure he isn't even believing himself.

With that, Jisung starts to cry. He's not entirely sure where it comes from, but he sure as hell knows why. Felix and Jeongin follow suit.

The others are all over them, ignoring the main issue to focus on cuddling, kissing, and showing their love for their boyfriends. And as much as Jisung wants to believe Chan's words, he can't fully bring himself to.

Later that morning, the tears return for everyone as they say their goodbyes. Jisung watches from a window at the JYP building, helpless, as Minho, his everything, his soulmate is taken away from him, and shipped off to who knows where, for who knows how long. He watches as the rest of them, the loves of his life, are being taken away. All he’s got is himself and his pocket full of hush money, and so he’s powerless to stop any of them from leaving. And as he watches each of them go, it’s like they all take a piece of his heart with them.

Chapter Text

3 Weeks Later-

Chan

Chan looks at himself solemnly in the mirror. He is as pale as a ghost, contrasting the black circles that had made their permanent home under his eyes. He feels exhausted- only getting about a half an hour of sleep last night. That’s worse than usual; at least when the others are around he can get a minimum four hours. Now, alone, his eyes threatening to close, his limbs threatening to give out with how much he’s shaking, he forces himself to at least make himself a little bit presentable. He pads a little foundation under his eyes to try to make himself look like less of a zombie, but to no avail. He sighs, quickly rubbing it off, giving up. He throws on a simple black hoodie and sweatpants and trudges out his door to his work at JYP Seoul.

“Good God, Chan! What happened to you? Are you alright?”

Chan tiredly looks up from his computer, where he’s gotten so much done. He glances at the clock quickly, realizing that in only an hour he’s done at least three hours of work. It’s a miracle he hasn’t fallen asleep yet. At this rate, though, he’s not sure he can. He’s in a weird state of limbo, he supposes. He’s so damn tired, but he needs something to take his mind off everything so his work is getting done threefold.

The voice that breaks him out of his thought process is Lily’s. He doesn’t even remember when she came into the studio. But now she’s standing over him, a worried expression plastered on her face.

“Chan, can you even hear me?”

He has half a mind to nod. She kneels down. “What’s going on with you? You’re usually so full of life, what happened?”

Lily’s like a little sister to him and he wants to tell her everything: that the boys are gone and he can’t sleep and he’s pretty sure his will to live boarded the plane along with his boyfriends. But suddenly he remembers the reason for the money JYP gave them, and instead of spilling all his thoughts and misery out to her in words, it comes in the form of tears. Lots of wet, fat tears. He supposes the gravity of the situation just hit him at this moment after weeks of emptiness, and Chan can’t bring himself to do anything but cling to Lily and cry into her shoulder.

At first, she’s surprised. Her strong willed, usually sunny Oppa in her arms sobbing uncontrollably is a sight she’d never thought would happen. But her eyes soften, and she resorts to holding Chan, rubbing her hands up and down his back. She leads them to the sofa behind the desk, and sits down, giving him time. And it does take him a while, a good twenty minutes to stop crying.

Once he’s come to, Lily smiles. “Is there anything you want to talk to me about, Chan-Oppa?”

“Sorry. I can’t.”, is all Chan can manage in a small voice at the moment. He sits there and avoids her eyes.

“By the way, where’s Changbin and Jisung Oppas? Aren’t they usually here with you?”, she asks in an attempt to change the subject. All it manages to do is start a fresh round of sobs from Chan. This time, it isn’t as long, but he still can’t seem to stop himself.

“Okay, Chan. This is enough. I’m talking to your manager to see what’s wrong-”

“I don’t have one anymore.”

Lily gazes down at him in surprise, a little shaken at that prospect, but doesn’t push it. “Okay. Well, I guess I’ll let you get back to work, Oppa. But if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me, okay?”

He nods absentmindedly, and he thanks the heavens silently that she finally leaves him alone. He just wants a moment to grieve. He knows the world isn’t ending and he knows that he’ll probably be okay in the long run, but he knows there is a piece of him that’s missing. And he knows that he could try to get it back, but that would risk his livelihood and everything he’s worked for. In theory, he could try to find his members, but he’s worked so hard to get to this point. Seven years of training down the drain if he goes against JYP. Somehow that thought makes him more sick to his stomach than the idea of losing all his members.

The day goes by ridiculously quick, and Chan looks down at his laptop, realizing he’s done about three day’s worth of work in a day. He’s not sure how it happened- it was all a blur- but it belatedly realizes that it’s currently 8PM and he hasn’t had any food all day. His stomach growls so loud, he wonders if the people in the other studios can hear him. Probably not, as most everyone has gone home by now.

Suddenly a knock on his door shakes him out of his thoughts. Studio janitor Ms. Cho saunters in. He’s talked to her before, and knows she’s pretty sweet.

“Chan! Why on Earth are you still here?”, she asks, fully coming into the room. Just then, a loud, Earth-shattering growl startles both of them. “And go get something to eat, will you?” Ms. Cho basically shoos him out the door, and he decides that eating will take too long. He’s just not hungry, he doesn’t feel like it, even though his stomach is crying out at him. He decides to hit his favorite coffee shop that’s open late for cramming college students. All he wants is a simple hot cocoa to sip on all night while he waits out his insomnia, because he knows damn well he’s not sleeping tonight.

He makes it to the coffee shop, that’s luckily on his route home. Though he feels like he wants to collapse the entire way, he manages to order from the nice, if concerned teenage girl at the counter. He trudges over to a seat and plops down, feeling mysteriously dead inside. The worried barista girl delivers his hot cocoa, and he barely registers it when she mentions an abuse hotline, and how it’s on their bulletin board, and don’t hesitate to call if something’s wrong at home. He wants to laugh- he really does- but all he manages is a sound halfway between a snort and a scoff. He takes a sip, and realizes most of the eyes in the shop are on him and thoroughly concerned. He doesn’t need this right now, so he gets up to the best of his limited ability. Just to collapse and hit the ground. Then, some worried cries, and darkness.

When Chan comes to, the bright lights and the sterile smell tells him where he is. He’s in the hospital, probably ushered to the E.R. by the coffee shop patrons. He glances around, seeing water and food set out for him on the bedside table. He also notes his phone there, too. He shakes his head, taking a sip of water, something he knows he hasn’t had in the past 24 hours. His cell phone clock tells him it’s 3:26 AM. That’s more sleep than he’s gotten in the past week. It’s almost… cathartic. He’s more awake than he’s felt in days. He leans over to eat some of the food, thankful to get anything in his stomach after the neglect for several days. The apple and peanut butter and jelly does him well, and a knock on the door makes him look up.

“Good morning, Mr. Bang. Are you feeling well?”

Chan answers honestly: “I’m not good, but I’m feeling much better than yesterday.”

“Good.”, the doctor says, walking into the room. She takes a clipboard out, making Chan shiver, and looks down through her glasses at him. “I have a few questions about your collapse Mr. Bang. If you can’t remember or don’t want to answer, that’s okay, but please try to answer as many as possible.”

He frowns, taking a sip from his water to hopefully delay the questioning. A nurse walks in with another tray of food, swapping them out dutifully, but all the while, the doctor’s steely eyes are on him. Chan goes for more food, because his stomach is still growling at him, and he stuffs his face.

“Mr. Bang. How many hours of sleep did you get the night before your collapse?”

Chan realizes it’s futile to deny and he should just accept the lecture. “No hours, ma’am.”

“None at all?” She should sound surprised, but her voice is even as she makes a note down on her clipboard. He nods. “Alright. Did you drink any water that day, and if so, how many liters?”

“None, ma’am.”

The doctor’s eyes are flashing in concern. “Okay. Lastly, what did you eat for food that day?”

“Nothing, ma’am. The only thing I had to eat or drink yesterday was a sip of hot cocoa right before my collapse.”

“Just as I thought. Mr. Bang, may I ask… did you really think that was healthy?”

“Of course, not ma’am.”

“Then why? You need to take care of yourself! I don’t want to see you back here.”

At that, Chan chokes back tears. “I don’t know, ma’am. I just…. There’s so much that….” He doesn’t finish, just tries in vain to hold back tears. “It seems like you have a state of depression, either chronic or due to an event. I’m going to give you the information of one of my favorite therapists. You should give her a call. She can help you.”

Chan graciously accepts the business card, and, after finishing the tray of food and water, is free to leave the hospital. He still has tears rolling down his cheeks, his black circles now stained red, as he walks home. In a fit of rage, he crumples the business card and absentmindedly litters. He doesn’t need a goddamn therapist. He needs his family back.

Minho

“Mr. Lee? Mr. Lee!”

That’s his manager’s voice, isn’t it? As if he knew. Every voice, every noise is a blur in the godforsaken town.

“Mr. Lee! If you don’t answer I will come in!”

Why would Minho answer when he never even wants to get up anymore? It’s a double edged sword- his love for dance and his career, or his love for his members. He wills himself to stand up and grab his wallet off his nightstand. Inside, there’s a small photo of him and Jisung, taken at the amusement park, when they went for an episode of SKZ Code. God. He loves his members to hell and back, sure, but Jisung is different. Jisung is his soulmate. When Jisung’s not here, that half of his soul is gone.

But he has a job to do for the day. Maybe he can forget about the members for a day and actually focus on his work. Maybe he can lose himself in dance.

Minho decides to stop letting his manager suffer, and opens the door to his temporary apartment. His manager, in all her disheveled glory, and two iced americanos in hand, is standing there with a smile on her face. He can’t bring himself to reciprocate it.

“Here! Thought you’d need some caffeine! We’ve got a big day ahead of us!”

It’s then that Minho remembers that he won’t be able to lose himself in dance today. He’s got an interview with JYP Japan. He sighs, but sucks it up, gathers his belongings and heads out the door into the bustling and smoggy morning Tokyo air.

From his balcony, he’s got a nice view of Mount Fuji. But Minho would much prefer somewhere quieter. Maybe he’ll find somewhere later today.

“Good morning, Mr. Lee. Your interview with Park Jinyoung PDnim begins in exactly an hour.”, his stylist says, leading him to the dressing rooms. His makeup is done, he changes, and soon, he’s sitting a few meters away from JYP himself in an empty practice room. He tries his best to hide the complete and utter disdain on his face, but from the frown his boss and the other staff send his way, he’s doing a garbage job at it. Though he still glares. He can’t help it. The man that single handedly ruined his life is sitting across from him. Far enough that if Minho were to tackle him and wring his neck, someone would have time to stop him.

“Good. Let’s start.”, JYP says calmly, probably trying to get it over with as soon as possible. Minho can’t blame him. He wants to murder the guy; he’s sure murder can be seen within the glint in his eyes.

“Hello everyone! This is Lee Know!”, Minho states as enthusiastically as he can, though he suspects it’s not working.

“You’re the new spokesperson for JYP Japan. How does that feel for you?”

Minho musters up his best smile, which probably falls flat by the way everyone’s looking at him and he sighs. He has to put on a good show, smile through the pain. “It’s an honor, sir.” He bows, if reluctantly. “I am really glad to be able to speak on behalf of JYP Japan.” He gazes into the camera, desperately trying to find something to look at that isn’t his boss or their staff. “I’m really excited to share with you, dear Japanese JYP fans, all the exciting news we have in store!”

He doesn’t sound like himself, and he knows it. Even on camera, he’s polite, but this rigidness is something he’s never been before. He can see his manager’s worry.

“Great.”, JYP says with no enthusiasm whatsoever. “Will you continue your duties as a Stray Kids member?”

Minho has to fight the urge to start crying or screaming right then and there. He eyes JYP with so much disdain that if looks could kill, his boss would be dead a hundred times over now. How dare he ask a question about Stray Kids when he himself is the one that separated them those weeks ago? But alas, Minho’s still on camera. He puts on a neutral face and says: “Yes! Absolutely. Just because I am now based in Tokyo does not mean my duties to STAY or my members stop. I will continue dancing....” He looks at the camera, and attempts a bright smile through the tears that are now starting to form. He sends a finger heart. “Just know…”, he’s choking up the more he talks. “We love… you… STAY…..” Minho falls on his knees, face in hands as he begins to sob uncontrollably like a baby.

“Get up, Minho!”, JYP yells at him. “We’re still on air! Stop crying, you’re not a child!”

All Minho can register is his yells and he wants to fight back, but he knows he can’t; that would cost him. So, with fat tears rolling down his face, he makes a mad dash out of the room and for the bathroom. How humiliating. None of them have ever seen him cry. He’s angry at JYP, at himself, at the world. Once he locks himself in a stall, his tears subside. He’s not a crier, he reminds himself.

He sighs, a terrible headache coming on. He’s had them for a week now, and day by day, they just keep getting worse. Not sure what to do now, he gets up, and decides he needs to get away from all this. He rushes out the door, and out of the building itself. He had managers yelling at him, but his instinct told him to just run, run. He steps out onto the busy Tokyo street, and heads to the only quiet place he knows: an overlook on Mount Fuji.

Luckily, it’s only about a half mile away, and many people, notably, his managers, don’t know about it. He goes there when he needs to clear his head, which, nowadays, is more often than not. He makes it to the trail entrance after running down the road for what felt like forever. Fortunately, the hike isn’t very long, and most people are at school or work, so the trail and the overlook is empty. It sits not too high on a cliff, the circular concrete area lined with a short fence that would save, at most, a toddler from falling off. The trees surprisingly put Minho at ease a little more. They're like a barrier that can protect Minho from the outside world, if only for a little while. The hike is quick but exactly what Minho needs right now. He sits down, bringing his knees to his chest, and just watches Tokyo from this point of view.

Minho sits there for a while, contemplating his life’s decisions, when a voice rings him out of his stupor. “Minho Hyung!” In surprise, and excitement, he looks up, and sees Felix in all his sunshine-y glory. He’s reminded of how much he misses DanceRacha as he runs up to hug him. “Yongbok-ah! I missed you.”

He leans down for a kiss, one that’s quick, but just what Minho needs. He’s usually not like this, this desperate for love, but he’s still a weak man.

Felix smiles, his precious eyes lighting up. “Missed you, too Hyung!”

“What are you doing here?”, Minho asks, still in a haze of disbelief.

“I’m here to solve your problems, Hyung.”, he answers mysteriously.

Minho’s confused. Solve his problems? And there’s a wicked sort of grin plastered across Felix’s face. Minho realizes that he’s not quite sure if this is real or not. Real Felix is a sunshine… he’d never wear that sort of expression. But fuck, if one of his boyfriends is here, in front of him, offering a solution. He can’t help but be curious.

“Do you want to see Jisung, Hyung?” At that, Minho pipes even more up. He looks over at Felix and nods excitedly like a puppy. Jisung is exactly who he wants to see. His little quokka soulmate. All he wants to do is hug him and tell him all of them are okay. “Yeah! I do!”

“All you have to do is follow me, Hyung!”

“Follow you? Where?”

“I’ll show you!”

Minho follows Felix to the edge of the cliff, walking a little nervously slowly. “Uh, Yongbokkie, why…”

Then, without warning, Felix jumps. And Minho’s heart shatters into a million pieces. He screams for Felix, ear-shattering and scaring the birds in the trees around him. But when he looks over the cliff, there’s nothing. No body lying there. No Felix at all. He wonders if he was ever there to begin with. The thought haunts him all the way back to his apartment and into the night.

Changbin

Changbin sits in his apartment, staring vacantly out the window at the Berlin skyline. It is bustling outside, and as much as he enjoys watching the busy day and the people walking by, he has a job to do. Is he doing it? Not really.

He gazes down at the blank document on his laptop screen, filled with white. He is supposed to be writing words down there, but he has no inspiration. He fidgets with a pen in his right hand, a notepad beside his computer in case of random bursts of ideas. But nothing would come to him. Nothing had come to him since he’d left Korea and came to Berlin. His foot bounces up and down, and he can barely sit still. He wriggles around on his chair, feeling- needing to do something. So all he is doing is fidgeting and staring out the window as if it housed the solutions to all of his problems.

Over the past few weeks, it was as if he couldn’t relax. He could never sit still, he could never get inspiration. He couldn’t even muster the motivation to enjoy rapping again. He feels like an empty shell of his former self, and to a degree, he is: missing the vital part of himself. He vaguely remembers Chan’s words: “Changbin is the glue that holds Stray Kids together.” He has a photo sitting on his desk, which is a mess of papers, writing utensils, and an array of knick knacks, which is unlike him to be that unclean. The photo is of him and his members, piled on top of one another, smiling goofily on stage. He remembers the exact moment that had happened, the red background framing their smiling faces perfectly. He notes specifically Felix’s sunshiney expression and his heart breaks. He manages to hold back the tears before they spill over.

“I can’t stay here.”, he says to himself, quickly throwing on his shoes, grabbing his wallet, and heading out the door.

The warm temperate climate of summer in Germany made even the rain feel warm, and Changbin lets it wash over him, without an umbrella or coat. He enjoys the rain. It creates a mood that he seems to feel on the regular. Somehow, it puts him at ease.

He passes by several shops, coffee shops, a couple knick-knack shops. There are plenty of those here. Not far away, in a large courtyard almost, stands the Brandenburg Gate. It is majestic, and Changbin finds himself gazing up at it in awe. He distantly wishes his members were here to appreciate the beauty with him. Belatedly, he realizes he’s standing in a swarm of tourists. Not that he minds. It helps get his mind off everything.

Suddenly, he is hit with the endless urge to get a good workout in. He needs something to do before his foot falls off from him fidgeting and tapping it so much.

That’s how Changbin finds himself in a gym that just happens to be down the street from his apartment. He still feels a little miserable without his designated gym buddy Chan, but he manages by sticking his earbuds in and turning his music all the way up. Hearing loss be damned, he thinks to himself as he begins his reps. He grabs a barbell, and as he sits on the bench, dumbly realizes he needs a spotter.

"You need a spotter, buddy?”

Changbin glances up, and sees a man standing politely over him. He looks to be of the same descent as Changbin, and he’s speaking Korean to him. He secretly thanks the heavens for bringing him someone he can actually understand. He’s managed enough by either holing himself up in his apartment or speaking his best, but still basic, English to people. His lack of social interaction is making him insane, he thinks, so he graciously accepts the man’s proposal, and they chat as the man spots him.

“Call me Rowoon. Yours?”

“Changbin.”

“What are you doing in Germany?”

“I’m here for work. I’m a remote songwriter for JYP.”

Rowoon smiles in recognition. “I knew I recognized you!”, he exclaims as Changbin sets the barbell on its holder. “Really nice to meet you! I’m such a fan of Stray Kids!”, Rowoon takes Changbin’s hand and shakes them enthusiastically. At the mention of Stray Kids, Changbin seems to recoil a little with a frown, and Rowoon either doesn’t notice or chooses to ignore him. “I’m with FNC Entertainment. We’re on tour.”

“You’re Rowoon? From SF9?”, Changbin asks. The other nods with a giant smile on his face. Changbin smiles back. It’s nice to have someone from his country here with him. “I remember your group from Kingdom, yeah?” Rowoon nods, smiling. Suddenly, he looks around a bit.

“Why are you by yourself though? Aren’t your members here with you?”

Changbin solemnly shakes his head, tears threatening to fall. Not in front of your sunbaenim, he thinks. He takes a moment to recollect himself. “No. It’s just me.”

Fortunately, Rowoon doesn’t push it, and smiles instead, saying, “I get it.”

Changbin desperately wants to tell him no, he doesn’t get it, but that’s a terrible thing to say to his new friend. Instead, he puts on his best smile, though he knows there’s a hint of sadness to it, and nods. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Hey. My members and I are heading out for drinks tonight. You want to come, Changbin? Seems like you could use some fun.”, Rowoon says, leaning onto the dumbbell.

Changbin mulls it over for a minute. On the one hand, he barely knows them, even if they are his sunbaenims and they're each other's fans. But on the other, a night of drinking and forgetting about his problems sounds amazing right now. Usually he’d be more responsible than that, but today, alone in a new country with only his manager and no way to contact his own family, he doesn’t need to think twice. “Yeah. I’m in.”

“The guys will be so excited to meet you, Changbin!” He pulls out a slip of paper. “Here’s my number in case you need me or have to cancel.”, he says, sticking it in Changbin’s hands. “Meet us at Subway Station Potsdamer Platz. It’s not far from here, only a quick walk up the street. Be there by 5. Oh, and you can call me by my real name, Seokwoo. We’re friends now.”

Seokwoo takes his leave then, mentioning something about showering and cleaning up before going. Changbin supposes he’s right, so he gets up and heads for his apartment, thanking the receptionist on his way out. For the first time in weeks, he’s excited about something. He’s not entirely happy, but he’s feeling something other than emptiness. He can feel a smile creeping at his lips as he walks home. It doesn’t fully take over his features, but he’s actually satisfied with his accidental meeting today.

It’s 4:30, according to Changbin’s watch, and he’s wearing the nicest clothes he has in his closet. A white button down with black slacks and his curly black hair sitting nicely atop his head. He grabs his wallet, phone, and shoulder bag, and heads out the door for the subway station. Not even halfway there, he sees Seokwoo and two other of his members heading in the same direction. One of the others taps Seokwoo and he looks over, smiling and waving.

“Hello Changbin!”, he says when Changbin catches up with them. “This is Inseong and Chani. The others opted to relax tonight.”, he informs, gesturing to each of his fellow members. “Guys, this is Changbin from-”

“From Stray Kids?!”, Inseong asks, smiling hugely. They bow a full ninety degrees. Changbin flushes and smiles bashfully, waving his hand. “No no, none of that. Just call me Changbin, okay? I'm your hoobae, remember?”

“You should’ve invited the rest of Stray Kids, Seokwoo!”, Chani says, putting his hands on his hips. Seokwoo doesn’t respond, just frowns and looks over at Changbin, who’s doing a surprisingly great job at holding his emotions in, though his eyes convey something he’d rather his sunbaenims not see. Seokwoo clears his throat. “Well! Let’s have a great time tonight, yeah?”

All of them give a cheer, and after a quick subway ride, they’re at a club Changbin’s never been to before. He doesn’t like beer, it fills him up much too fast, but he’s in Germany, with no one to dote on him like Minho usually does. So why not get blackout drunk and have a great time with his new friends?

“I’m warning you, Hyung”, Inseong’s saying as they show their I.D.s to the burly man at the door. Even though the minimum legal drinking age is much younger here than Changbin had expected, they still wanted to be on the safe side. “I plan on getting wasted.”, Inseong finishes, drawing out the word funnily. Changbin laughs along. “Me too. I need an escape.”

“I don’t mind being D.D. or at least being sober enough to make sure you oafs get home well.”, Chani says. “Have at it.” Then, he turns to Changbin. “Especially you, Changbin. You work so hard, we want you to have fun.”

When Changbin looks at the three gazing at him he feels a warmth he hasn’t felt since… well, since he parted with his members. “Thanks guys. You really don’t have to.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly and grins. They barely know him, yet they’re being so sweet. It seems almost too good to be true.

Seokwoo pats him lightly on the back. “It’s no problem. Besides, Changbin, you look a little empty inside.” Changbin didn’t expect such a truthful statement, so his eyes widen.

Seokwoo quickly catches himself and bows. “Sorry, Changbin.”

“No, no, you’re right. I haven’t been myself since… well… that’s a different story.” He realizes he probably brought the mood down with his sentiment. He wants to explain everything so badly, especially to his sunbaenims who he’s got a gut feeling won’t say anything once they get back to Korea.“We’re here to have fun. I plan on getting blackout drunk!”

Three beers and two way-too-sweet-and-fruity cocktails later, Changbin’s sitting on a bar stool at the bar swaying back and forth next to a less drunk but still tipsy Seokwoo. His foot is tapping incessantly again. The agitation’s back. But he ignores it in favor of laughing with his sunbaenim. “You know, Seokwoonie, I really have to thank you.”, he slurs, words coming out with so much difficulty. “I never would have thought of this without your push. You’re a-amazing.” He hiccups the last part, which makes Seokwoo laugh.

He looks over, and finds Inseong and Chani dancing together on the dancefloor, giggling like idiots, and belatedly realizes there’s a stage behind them for karaoke. “Oh MY GOD, ROWOONNIE.”, he yells, surprising a few club patrons around him. “T-there’s k-karaoke.”

Seokwoo laughs. “You think that’s a good idea, Changbin? You have an image to uphold.”

“Fuck that!”, Changbin replies drunkenly, marching right up to the DJ and requesting a song. At this point, everyone’s eyes are on the blubbering short guy on the stage about to start singing. Fortunately for Changbin, they’re basically all drunk except Chani and a few D.D.s sitting in some booths. The song begins, and Changbin holds the mic so close to his face you’d swear he’s eating it. “CAN YOU FEEL MY HEARTBEAT?” The pulsing familiar sound of a heart beating blast through the speakers as Changbin begins to give his best performance, rap seamlessly over “Heartbeat” by 2PM. Everyone’s laughing hysterically as he reaches the chorus, doing the dance onstage, and Seokwoo, Inseong, and Chani do it with him. “LISTEN TO MY HEARTEU BEATUUUU!!”, he sings completely off-key into the mic as loud as he possibly can. He rides the rest of the song out smoothly, making the entire club roar in uncontrollable laughter. He bows stupidly once it’s over and waddles back to Seokwoo, who politely saves his seat.

“That was amazing, Changbin!”, he exclaims. “You were such a natural! That was so much fun!” Seokwoo takes a sip of his beer, but when he looks up, Changbin’s got big, sloppy, drunk tears flying down his cheeks. He leaps into Seokwoo’s arms, who just holds him and rubs his back, confused. “What’s wrong, Changbin? You were so happy just a second ago…”

Changbin sobs uncontrollably for a minute before he responds. He must be a mood-swinging drunk. “I miss them, Seokwoonie, I miss them so bad! Last-”, he sniffs loudly “last time I sang that was with them and now I don’t have them anymore!”

Seokwoo sits there in puzzled silence while Changbin takes a while to compose himself. “Sorry, Seokwoonie. I’m sorry. I gone and ruined the night…”

“No, Changbin.”, Seokwoo replies quickly. “You let your emotions out, which is great. I’m glad you could get that sort of relief.”

Changbin nods tiredly. Almost sensing his tiredness, Seokwoo smiles at him. “Are you ready to get home?”

Changbin nods tiredly again, checking his watch hazily. 10 PM. Seungmin would’ve totally made fun of him for being such a lightweight. He misses the snark. But Seokwoo is sweet, and after he lets Inseong and Chani know where they’re going, and they bid their Changbin farewell, Changbin and him head home.

As they walk, Changbin is vaguely aware in the dark night that he’ll wake up tomorrow with a head-splitting hangover. But it was worth it. He had so much fun tonight, even though it turns out he can’t stop thinking about his boyfriends.

They safely make it back to Changbin’s apartment, and he thanks him, giving the older a big hug. He waves goodbye and watches Seokwoo walk off to his hotel.

Changbin trudges up the stairs, and passes out right when his head hits the pillow.

Hyunjin

The paint slides across the canvas with ease. It’s not the usual blue sky Hyunjin would paint, but who cares? His sky is blood red, with hints of scarlet and deep maroon blended in. His sun is the deepest blue he can make with the paints he has. The horizon line for the water is green, as if the world through this view has been sent through a color-contrast filter. The painting only takes about three-quarters of the canvas, too, with the edges of the landscape he’s painting looking jagged and cracked. Hyunjin observes his work before he works on the foreground. He thinks it’s a pretty good idea of how he’s feeling right now.

Here, in his studio, he feels as safe as he’s possibly going to feel. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t left his apartment in the two weeks he’s been in New York City, and though it’s a city filled with history and art that he’d usually like to see, Hyunjin can’t bring himself to get excited about any of it. Besides, who’s here to share it with him? So he stays inside his apartment while his poor manager sells all of his art, does all of his shopping, and takes care of his social media. He almost feels guilty. Almost. He can’t even bring himself to feel bad about how much work it is.

Suddenly, a knock on his door startles him to the point where he accidentally throws his paintbrush on the ground. He yells in anger, because now his floor is stained blood red. He angrily marches up to the door and swings it open. It’s his manager, bags upon bags of groceries.

“You made me drop my brush, idiot!”, Hyunjin yells at her, to which she just stares at him with concerned, wide eyes. “My God! Knock before you come in!”

“But… I did?”, she says, puzzled, eventually giving up watching him and his angry glare in favor of heading to the kitchen to put the groceries. Hyunjin can’t even think of thanking her when all he sees is red with how angry he is. He decides to sit down, leaving the brush on the floor, and goes back to peacefully paint his picture.

After a good half hour, his manager walks into his studio. He sets his paintbrushes and palette down to swivel around on his stool, careful not to hit the easel to face her. “What’s up?”, he asks calmly, the direct opposite of how he was earlier.

She smiles tiredly. “I brought you an iced americano-”

“Ah, thank you.”, he says, taking the drink from her hands, and turning back to his painting.

“Hyunjin-ah.”, she says stiffly.

“What?”, he asks a little rudely, making her wince. “Can’t you see I’m busy.”

She sighs. This is her every day. It’s starting to get tiring. “I talked to Park Jinyoung PDnim earlier and-”

He gasps, interrupting her again, making her groan a little.

“He’s coming back for me! I can see my boyfriends!”

“No he’s-”

“Ah!”, Hyunjin exclaims. “Finally!”

His manager rolls her eyes. “No, Hyunjin! He’s not coming.” He eyes her up and down, stifling a rude laugh. She continues on: “He just wanted to know how you’re doing. I just wanted to let you know that he’s checking up on you.”

“Nonsense!”, he says triumphantly. “He’s here and coming for me!”

“He’s not.”, his manager insists. “Look, Hyunjin-ah. You need to get out and do something. You can’t just be here every day. You’ve been locking yourself in the studio for weeks. You should get out.”

Hyunjin sees red again. “Don’t tell me what to do!”, he hollers angrily at her. She throws her hands up in defeat. “I’m just suggesting.”, she says calmly before promptly escorting herself out.

Days pass, and before he knows it, a week’s gone by, and Hyunjin realizes two things: JYP isn’t here for him, and his manager is right. He needs to get out and do something. Even if it’s just a walk around the block. So he packs up his things and heads out into the busy New York streets.

It’s noon, the lunch rush yet to begin until about 1 or 2 PM. His stomach rumbles after a good twenty minutes of walking around aimlessly, and he decides to hit the closest local restaurant. It’s a nice little restaurant situated between two skyscrapers, perfect for those trying to get lunch on their break. It’s not too busy, so luckily, Hyunjin doesn’t have a problem getting a seat at the bar. He just wants something to drink too. Maybe he’ll be less angry if buzzed. He’s vaguely aware it’s 12:30 PM on a Tuesday, the most unusual time to get tipsy. Who cares though? Certainly not him.

The bartender looks over at him with a charming smile, and it dawns on him that he’ll have to use his English and that someone might recognize him. He reassures himself it’s fine as the bartender comes up to him. Hyunjin would be a liar if he denied he thought the bartender was hot.

“What can I do for you, beautiful?”, he asks. Hyunjin blushes.

“Whatever you think I’d like, handsome.”, he flirts back. It’s like his thoughts are a mess in his head. As the bartender gives him a sultry wink and heads off to make him something probably fruity, he distantly remembers his boyfriends. Are they still his boyfriends? He doesn’t know. But he’s sure that a little flirting with a hot guy in his new country isn’t too bad. Especially when he hasn’t gotten laid in so much as a month.

The bartender comes back surprisingly quickly, a fruity daiquiri in his hands. “You seem like a daiquiri kind of guy, beautiful.”, he shrugs casually. Hyunjin flushes at the pet name and sips his drink. It tastes so good, hints of mango and strawberry accompanying the alcohol in it.

Hyunjin smiles. “This is so good! Thank you!”

The bartender chuckles, and quickly takes a glance to make sure he’s got no other customers before he leans on the counter to talk to him. “I’m Jay. What’s your name, beautiful?”

At this rate, that name’s doing things to him he can’t explain. His blush deepens. “Hyunjin.”, he answers smally, hiding his face behind his oversized sweater sleeves.

“Hyunjin.”, Jay echoes. “Exotic. You aren’t from around here, are you?”

He shakes his head. “I’m from South Korea.”

Jay smiles, and notices some patrons sitting down a little farther down the bar. “Hey, I’ve got to get back to work, but…” He leans in close to Hyunjin’s ear. He can feel Jay’s breath and he shivers. “Your accent speaking English is so damn sexy.”

He leaves Hyunjin sitting there, wide eyed and breathless. It’s like he’s a teenager again, getting flustered by every little thing his someone else does. Suddenly he feels the undying urge to use the restroom, and hurries over and locks himself into a stall. Jay notices with a knowing smirk.

“Beautiful? You doing alright?”

Hyunjin emerges from the stall to Jay standing there smiling. He nods, going to the sink to wash his hands. Jay smirks and puts his hands on either side of his hips, flipping him so he’s backed against the counter and caught between Jay’s arms. He shivers.

“This alright, baby?”, Jay asks, and Hyunjin stupidly nods. He doesn’t know what he’s doing; he only seems to register that he’s enjoying it somehow. Jay leans in, and Hyunjin has half a mind to think about how forward Americans are.

“Can I be honest?”, Jay asks, and waits until Hyunjin nods again. “I really wanna kiss you.”

Hyunjin stares up at him with innocent puppy eyes that are nervous and flustered at the same time. That blush has made him so red he could rival the daiquiri Jay made him earlier. He nods again a little, and Jay is pressing his lips to his. They kiss for a good long few minutes; it’s a miracle no one comes in and catches them. Hyunjin loses himself in it as Jay bites his plush bottom lip and explores every corner of his mouth with his tongue. It’s only when Jay moves his mouth down to his neck and begins to nip and suck that Hyunjin’s brain kicks back into action.

“Wait, Jay.”

The bartender immediately stops his ministrations, head shooting up. “Sorry, baby, did I do something wrong?”

At this point, Hyunjin’s biting back tears, gripping onto Jay’s shoulders like a lifeline. He feels like he’s using Jay as an outlet for his pain. Behind his own boyfriends’ back. Suddenly, he feels like a jackass. “I can’t let this go any further.”, he says seriously, staring up into Jay’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Jay smiles sweetly, sliding his hand down to rub Hyunjin’s shoulders. “Hey, hey.”, he says as Hyunjin begins to cry in earnest. “Don’t worry. I’m happy I got to meet you and have this much time with you. If you need to stop, you don’t have to explain.” Hyunjin thanks him, and Jay politely steps out to give him time to compose himself. What has he done? He’s kissed another person behind his boyfriends’ backs. They’re never going to want him back, he thinks to himself sadly. He leaves the restaurant, heading back to his apartment, murmuring to himself, “What’s wrong with me?”, while a huge cloud of guilt hangs over his head and tears fall down his cheeks.

Chapter Text

Jisung

Of all the cities he could go to, Jisung wasn’t expecting Anchorage, Alaska to be on the list. But his manager had said how serene it was, with its mountains and nature, and so here was. A vacation!, he’d said to him on the 14 hour plane trip. Think of it like a nice vacation.

There was no way Jisung was going to be able to think of it as a vacation. After all, his idea of vacation had his boyfriends. His idea of vacation had Minho.

But here he was, sitting in his new apartment, cuddling as close to his SKZOOs as possible. He was lucky to have enough forethought to remember to take them with him. A nice reminder of them, seeing as he had no way to contact him. Sure, he could borrow his manager’s laptop or go to the local library, but without them having their phones it was going to be a challenge to get ahold of them. After all, they weren’t allowed personal social media and texting over the official Instagram would be easily found out by JYP. So with no other options, Jisung was stuck in this remote place, with his manager, himself, and his SKZOO plushies.

Though he was away from his boyfriends, he was partly thankful for the serenity of Anchorage. It was small- much smaller than Seoul- and much quieter. The air was crystal clear, not bogged down by smog or emissions, and the majestic mountains could be seen around town. Jisung had heard they call the city a “Bowl”, with the mountains as the sides.

A few weeks had gone by with nothing new. Jisung shut himself in his apartment, writing, eating, sleeping, repeat. He might’ve slowly been going insane, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. One day, though, his manager comes into his bedroom, finding Jisung curled up with a Leebit plushie in his arms, and the rest of the SKZOOs around him. The blinds are pulled all the way down, shrouding the room in darkness, even though the sun is bright outside. Jisung lays there, eyes blank with dark circles under them.

“Jisung-ah. Are you alive?”, his manager asks, turning on the lights, making Jisung flinch, though he didn’t move. He feels like a puddle of mush.

“Well, you’re alive. But you gotta get up.”, he continues, tapping Jisung’s shoulder lightly, making him flinch harder. “You need to get started. You still have a job to do. And you should get out and get some sun. You’re so pale. Have you eaten? Are you cold?” Jisung frowns, sighing, wanting nothing more for his manager to stop asking him questions. He wants to disappear but he can’t bring himself to do anything. But his manager is unwavering, so he drags himself with so much difficulty out of bed, and decides to go for a “nice nature walk”. His manager’s words, not his.

“Let’s go to Potter’s Marsh. I hear it’s a nice place to relax.”, his manager says. So they head to a spot close to the Southern outskirts of town, which is a boardwalk over a marsh, a popular nesting spot for all kinds of waterbirds. His manager insists that it will be good for him, a nice release, a good experience.

As excited as Jisung’s brain wants him to feel, he can’t bring himself to feel anything. So he watches the Turnagain Arm’s beauty emptily out the window of the car.

They park, and Jisung looks at the trees lining the lot, and the entrance to the boardwalk and he appreciates the serenity. They go on a day that isn’t busy, so they have the boardwalk to themselves.

They walk along one of the two boardwalks. There’s binoculars here and there, and Jisung finds it cool to be able to look out and see the clouds up close.

He can see the houses dotted along the mountainside and the birds paddling idly in the marsh up close through them.

It’s like he’s finally starting to feel something after three weeks of nothingness. It’s a tiny spark of something, but it’s not entirely there. But it’s more than he’s felt in a week.

Two birds are swimming together, and Jisung longingly imagines him and Minho like those birds. Some other birds are swimming with them, like a flock, and Jisung sees everyone else. One duck fends off another duck’s love. Jisung chuckles to himself. It’s Jeongin and Hyunjin, he thinks.

“Are you feeling a little better?”, his manager asks, and Jisung distantly appreciates the thought. He nods.

They continue on, and enjoy the landscapes. The boardwalk is, despite being old, stable, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t ricky in a few places. Jisung startles a little every time they come across one of the spots, and he bristles. He really would not like to deal with it breaking out from under him and him having to survive a 20 something foot drop into a wetland with wild animals.

As he looks down at the wetlands below, he distantly wonders how much a drop like that would hurt him? A broken leg, maybe? A painful back for a week?

He doesn’t register he’s leaning on the railing hard. What would happen? It’s not like the most important people in his life would be there to help him. They wouldn’t even know about it. They’d have no knowledge at all. Would anyone care? Maybe his manager? His parents? Do they even know where he is right now? JYP? No, of course not. He wouldn’t care anyway. No one would, Jisung’s brain reasons. Maybe if he just pushed a little harder on this rail-

“Jisung-ah!” His manager’s voice catches him out of his trance. He blinks a couple of times, just to get his bearings back. What was he just thinking? It’s like the thoughts have vanished out of his brain. He steps off the railing, and hurries over to where he can hear his manager’s voice. He’s looking through binoculars at some swans lazily paddling along. Again, Jisung’s reminded of Minho, and his heart clenches. But he still can’t seem to feel anything.

His manager points to a large leafy plant, and Jisung nods absentmindedly. He hovers over to the railing again, finding it very nice to just lean on. Somehow, gravitating towards the railing seems to be something Jisung really wants to do, but can’t seem to figure out why.

Their walk ends as normally as it had started, and Jisung finds himself in the car, staring emptily out the window again.

Then suddenly, everything cracks.

Jisung finds himself wracked with sobs, shaking and hyperventilating so violently that his manager has to pull over to the side of the road, fearing his health. He can hear the older man’s voice calling out to him, but Jisung is too far gone. He shakes, crying uncontrollably, and suddenly, to both their surprise, he cries out a name, desperate and terrified: “Minho!” Right after he says it, with tears still rolling down his cheeks, he cups his hands over his mouth in shock.

He didn’t mean to actually say it.

His manager looks stunned for a moment, then a look of understanding comes across his face. He looks ahead and sees a gas station. “Hold on, Jisung-ah. I’m going to park.”

He does, parks the car in the lot, far away from other people, and hops into the backseat with Jisung, whose face is buried in his knees, wrapped around by his elbows. “Minho Hyung… Chan Hyung… Jeongin, Seungmin, Felix… Binnie Hyung… Jinnie Hyung…, ”, Jisung whimpers helplessly.

His manager has seen this before- one of Jisung’s panic attacks- but never to this severity. He’s never seen him so torn up before. He just sits there and holds him as Jisung releases all of his pent up emotions from the week.

“I’m sorry…. I’srry…”, Jisung sniffs, speech slurred from his tears.

“Don’t apologize.”, his manager simply says, sitting with him and comforting him to the best of his ability. He briefly hugs Jisung, who’s still shaking.

“I’m-I’m so scared…”, Jisung admits, looking into his manager’s eyes. He holds them, and when the older doesn’t speak, he continues on. “What if… what if something happens to them? What if one of them gets hurt and I don’t know? Good God…” He pauses, hands seemingly glued to his face, a look of horror there. Then, in a tiny voice, he says: “What if they forget about me?”

His manager’s stomach churns from the statement. “Look, Jisung-ah. I didn’t know them that long, but I know that they couldn’t ever forget you. They wouldn’t. They love you.”

“Then why did this have to happen?”

His manager sits there, at a loss for words. All he can come up with, in a tiny voice is, “Sometimes things are out of your control. Life isn’t fair, is it?”

Felix

One would assume since Felix was sent back home to Sydney to be with his family, he’d be happy. Content. But nothing about his life is happy right now.

He’s angry. Angry with JYP, angry with life, just angry. Some people get depressed, Felix is enraged at the prospect of it all. At first, he’d been confused- after all, his sunshiney personality made him able to block out the negativity. But you’d guess correctly if you assumed that since he doesn’t have his boyfriends- the loves of his life- he’s been a little different. And his family can tell something’s wrong.

“Good morning, Lixie!”, his mother greets him from the kitchen when he trudges down the stairs. His morning voice is still deep and growly, as if a demon had possessed him, and he greets his mom with a simple, “Hey.”

She brushes it off as his morning self, and smiles. “I made breakfast. Can I get you some coffee?”

“Not hungry.”

He trudges towards the door, head hung low.

“At least eat something before you leave, sweetie.”

“No.”

The old woman sighs. “Okay. But if you do get hungry, come back alright? We’ll have food ready if you want it.”

He doesn’t say anything, just slips on his shoes and heads out the door.

Truth be told, Felix has no clue where he’s going. He is just going to walk somewhere to get away from people. The sun was beating down, so hot. After all, it is summer in Australia. But Felix could barely feel it. He’s wearing a black hoodie and sweatpants. Sweat drips down his face but it’s not like he cares. He knows as he walks through the neighborhood, people are staring at him.

“Is that the Lee boy?”

“What on Earth?”

One person decides to come up to him. “Are you alrigh-”

Felix shoots her a death glare, and she backs down, huffing a little. As the whispers continue, he clenches his fists.

He walks in the direction of Duncan Park, passing by many other people, walking dogs or enjoying the company of a loved one. He scowls.

It’s like a halo of anger travels with him, as when he passes by, people pretend like he doesn’t exist. Usually, he’d say hello, but now, he can’t find it in him.

There’s a playground up ahead, with a bench that Felix decides to sit at.

He plops down, watching a few kids play on the swingset, but leaving the playground otherwise empty. He looks to his left, noticing an abandoned baseball bat leaning on the bench. He’s not sure what compels him to take the bat, but he grabs it, and holds it close in a tight grip. It’s nice to have something to hold onto. It’s a simple wooden bat, wrapped a couple times in sports tape at the handhold. It somehow feels great in his hands.

“Oh my god!”, Felix suddenly hears behind him. “Are you Felix of Stray Kids?”

He turns to see a few young girls walking up to him excitedly, but all he can see is red. Pure red. He's sure it was the mention of Stray Kids. The anger bubbles over from hearing the name Stray Kids, and he picks up the bat. His mind isn’t working correctly, and he snaps. He lifts the bat, and while the girls and everyone at the park watch him in horror, he destroys the bench he was previously sitting on. He screams in anger, going for a bench leg first, managing only to dent it a little. When nothing happens, he growls, and hits the bench seat with the bat. It breaks, the bat’s wood flying everywhere, hitting Felix in his arms and chest. His tears begin, flying down his cheeks. At least he's feeling something.

Next thing he knows, a police car pulls up to the curb, while everyone at the park and the girls stare in shock at him. They’re frozen, not being able to find the will to move at seeing someone so usually kind defiling public property.

“You have the right to remain silent. We are taking you in for questioning at the police station, sir.”, a large, burly man in uniform states to Felix. Not being able to do much else in the teary state he’s in, he allows himself to be led into the backseat of the police car.

During the bumpy ride to the station, Felix reminisces on the event. What was he thinking? What was wrong with him? The tears have yet to stop, and he shivers. “I’m- I’m sorry.”, he says smally.

The policeman says nothing but pull into the station parking lot.

Felix is led inside the building, to an interrogation room that looks far too similar to the ones in the movies. It’s dark, there’s a single table and Felix is sitting down on one side. A lady in uniform walks in.

“Hello, Mr. Lee.”, the woman says politely, yet sternly. “My name is Officer Heran. We got a call from a mother on the playground. You’ve been accused of damaging property and pain and suffering. Can you please explain what happened?” She glares down at him over her glasses. “While we have every reason to believe the accuser, I want to hear your side of the story first. I will know if you lie, though.”

Felix sighs. This isn’t what he wants at all. He wants to be with his loves. He wants to be performing for STAY with his members. Here he is instead, emotions thrown out of whack, agitated, angry, and he can’t control himself.

“Firstly, I am okay. And second, I did do it, ma’am.”, he relents. He realizes there’s no point in lying after what the officer had said. “I found a bat, and I got angry, and I- I just lost control.”

Officer Heran hums and sits down across from him in a stray chair. “I know you, Felix. This is your home; we all know you here. I know you’re not like that. What on Earth happened?”

Felix hesitates. He sees the completely sincere expression on her face, and sighs again. “I-I’m not allowed to say.”

“Well, you don’t have to say if you don’t want to, but it’s just… different to see you like this.”, she responds. Felix can’t hold back after that, and explains everything. His boyfriends, the separation, the hush money, coming home.

Officer Heran is quiet for a moment, taking it all in. “I hear you, Felix. I see. That sounds just evil.” She levels him with a serious look. “That being said, you still did destroy property, and scare the life out of a couple of teenage girls. However, since the damage is not too severe, your sentence is a month here in Seven Hills Prison.”

Felix nods. He understands. But he’s about to get himself out of this. “Can I please have my phone call?”

The woman nods, leading him out of the room to a landline phone. “One call.”, she says. “Make it count.”

The man dials his mother, who picks up.

“Felix? Where are you? Are you alright?”

“Mom… I’m at the police station-”

“What?! Don’t move, I’m coming there.”

The officer looks back to Felix and smiles. “I’m assuming she’s coming for you now.”

He nods.

His mom shows up with his sister, Rachel, ten minutes later, and angrily storms up to her son. “What did you do?!”, she cries.

Felix bites his lip and is about to say something when the officer stops him.

“He’s free to go, ma’am. Take this as a warning, Felix.”, she explains, with a chuckle, crossing her arms over her chest. Felix blushes in embarrassment.

“Come on, Lix.”, Rachel says, taking his arm and heading back to the car. The ride home is deadly silent, with awkward, heavy quiet.

“Lixie, dear. I don’t know what’s going on, but something’s wrong. And until we figure it out, you aren’t leaving the house. That’s an order.”

As much as he wants to protest, he knows it’s for the best. And at this point, he doesn’t find it in him to.

Seungmin

Seungmin enters the recording booth with an empty head. In fact, he’s been quite empty headed these past few weeks. He sighs.

He’s now a ghost singer for JYP. The man decided Seungmin’s voice was so good that they wanted to keep it, though they didn’t want to keep Stray Kids. He doesn't understand that, really.

Sometimes he sees articles online that say they’re on hiatus. He wants to stab the people who wrote that straight through the chest. He also wants to stab JYP. If he sees him, knowing himself, he just might.

“Are you ready, Seungmin-shii?”, the producer asks in perfect Korean, because even though he’s in Jakarta, there is a sizable Korean community here.

“Yes sir.”, he responds automatically. He adjusts the headphones and takes a deep breath in and begins to sing. His voice sounds robotic- out of body, as if it’s not actually him singing. It sounds off, and the producer can sense it too, because once he stops singing, he frowns. Seungmin looks solemnly at him.

“Let’s do that one again.”

Again, it seems, happens to be at least five more times, with Seungmin groaning in frustration on the sixth attempt. His producer sighs. “Let’s move on, okay? We’ll come back to that one.”

As it turns out, nothing Seungmin records sounds quite right. It’s not possible for him to have lost his voice in the short amount of time between Korea and Indonesia. He thinks he knows the problem, though. 3Racha’s not here to direct him. And it feels wrong when anyone else tries to.

When the producer opens his mouth to speak after the tenth unsuccessful try of a lyric, Seungmin pipes up. “Sir, I don’t think I want to continue.”, the producer cocks his head at him. “I’m not feeling well.”

The producer nods. “Alright. We’ll try again in two days.”

Seungmin swears he hears the producer on the way out murmur to himself: “Some singer you are.”

He checks his watch and notes that it’s dinnertime. He hasn’t eaten too much lately, and he is slimming down, but he’s sure it’s nothing too bad. So he heads to a local Redang spot.

He finishes dinner, not even eating half of his meal, but enjoying the delicious Indonesian beef anyway.

Seungmin barely eats that much of it, opting to take it home with him for his meal the next day.

The next day comes, because each day is a cycle of the same: wake up, work, eat half a meal, repeat. There’s no variety. But when Seungmin opens his eyes and stretches his arms, something alarms him. He looks at his arms, and they look like toothpicks. They’re so thin, and Seungmin worries for a second whether or not that’s normal.

He opts to check his weight on the scale he has in his bathroom. 36 kgs. For a healthy adult man like himself, that’s way underweight. He wonders what he can do. He could eat more, but what difference would it make? He’d still feel empty. So, he decides to brush it off for now, hoping that it’s not too underweight to be that unhealthy.

The sweating comes soon after.

As if the weight loss wasn’t enough, so much time has passed since he’s seen his boyfriends, that the side effects are kicking in in full force.

He wakes up in his bed again. He spares a glance at his alarm clock, and it’s only 3 AM. His eyes are still heavy with sleep, but when he rolls around a bit, he realizes with a start that his bed is damp. Not just damp, wet as hell. Seungmin sighs, his body waking up so fast to assess the damage to his sheets and pillowcase. They’re soaked. He wipes his forehead in annoyance, and realizes that that water is his sweat. And there’s lots of it, too. He groans, getting up, and transferring himself to the couch to sleep out the rest of the night. He only gets another hour.

The weight loss is getting worse by the day. Seungmin eats, but he feels pounds shed off him like hair to a razor. The sweating is not helping his weight issue, he swears he loses another pound every night when he sleeps. So after a few days, he gets up and sighs and decides it’s time to actually see a doctor. He feels so thin it’s scary, and he’s sick of waking up drenched.

“Are you taking any different medications? Or any medications at all?”

The doctor is eyeing Seungmin a little too strictly for his liking, as he sits on the operation table.

“No sir.”, he replies. The doctor glances down at the clipboard in his hands in disbelief. He scratches down a note and then fixes his gaze back on Seungmin.

“I’m not sure how to diagnose you, then, Mr. Kim.”, he says. He speaks perfect English, and Seungmin internally thanks the heavens for his good English skills. The doctor didn’t speak any Korean, and Seungmin doesn't speak Indonesian, but fortunately, he spoke English. “Nothing you’re saying lines up correctly with the information. If it’s not side effects of medication, and you aren’t experiencing any sicknesses, I’m not entirely sure what to do here.”

At least he’s honest about it.

“The closest I can get to a diagnosis is hyperhidrosis, which explains the sweating. And the weight loss you’re experiencing may come from that sweating, but if that were truly the case, you wouldn’t be losing so much weight. I really can’t be sure what is going on with you, Mr. Kim.”

Seungmin leaves the doctor’s office with as much information as he came in, but he knows why. He doesn’t need a diagnosis. He knows exactly what’s wrong with him.

Jeongin

The tides hit the shore in small waves, crashing against the rocks lined there. To the left, the sand stretches farther down, so far that he can’t see the end. People are everywhere; children are running around on the sand playing, adults are swimming in the water or sunbathing on towels on the sand. Older folks hold each other’s hands and shuffle down the beach with their old legs. It's lovely.

Behind him are the busy streets of Rio. Cars are passing back and forth, and bikers, walkers, people on scooters are going down the sidewalks. The line of blocks with buildings stretches on for miles in each direction.

Jeongin’s sitting on the beach, replaying the moment in his head.

“A vacation! Isn’t it exciting, Jeongin-ah?”, his manager had said, as the car pulled out of the airport and to his new home for who-knows-how-long.

“No.”, he’d said flatly. He had resisted saying that a vacation would include his Hyungs.

His manager gave up then and there, merely opting to stare at the window.

All things considered, this city is pretty, and the people are very welcoming. The beach is gorgeous, and from Jeongin’s apartment on the side of a hill on the east part of town, the shimmering ocean can be seen. It’s beautiful. He wishes he could enjoy it to his fullest. If he ever finds his boyfriends again, he’ll take them here on their off days. It’s serene.

Now, he’s sitting on a blanket in the warm summer sun. It’s to his back, warming him pleasantly. He’s got a book in his lap; usually, he wouldn’t read, it’s boring, but somehow, now he’s picked up the habit. He supposes it’s just nice to lose oneself in the world of a book. And it’s a good way to practice his English. He reads, and any words he doesn’t understand, he just translates with his trusty dictionary app.

He’s halfway through Divergent, when he looks up to give his eyes a break. Suddenly, his vision blurs so much that he can’t see anything but colorful blobs in the sand where crystal clear people once were. He blinks a couple times, feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded. His eyes go back to the words on the pages, and suddenly refocus. When he looks up again, the people are clear. Huh. Weird. He brushes it off as the sun being too bright or something.

That being said, when it happens again later that day while Jeongin’s brushing his teeth, he has to fully sit down, his eyesight going terribly for a moment. His head is pounding, a splitting ache making it throb. He sighs, the pain making him exhausted, despite it being only dinnertime, and he trudges over to his bed, collapsing right on his face and sleeping until 8 AM the next morning.

The next months pass in a boring blur. Most of Jeongin’s time is spent pining, wishing for something he believes he can never have again. He sits on his bed and gazes out the window at the sun reflecting off the water. It’s beautiful. But he finds that at least once or twice a day, his eyes go bad, blurry, or sometimes just cut to black instantly, then back. He’ll blink a couple times, then suddenly feel better again. Plus, the migraines are back in full force, more painful than ever. When his vision goes bad, he’ll get a head-splitting pain.

On the bright side, he’s gotten to explore Rio de Janeiro, which is a lovely city, and he’s read more than he has in years. 4 books in a week is impressive. The city stays busy, but Jeongin finds that even though he’s on vacation, he’s not having fun. He thinks back to all the times he’s had to fend off his Hyungs’ advances to hug or love on him on camera, but secretly loved it.

He sighs, and heads outside for a while, deciding that some air will do him good, rather than just sitting here wallowing. He walks around the block, in circles a couple times, mindlessly. It’s the evening, and he notices that there’s so many people gathering in the town square.

He walks up to the first person he sees, and, in the best English he can muster, asks what’s going on.

A kind lady smiles at him. “Ateez is here! They’re playing tomorrow night, but they just passed by in their car! How cool!”

Jeongin smiles back. It’s cute that she doesn’t recognize him. He looks over the crowd as best he can, and notices a black van passing by. He’s pretty aware where they’re going. He stayed in the same hotel for a few days before he moved to his apartment. He hails a taxi and high tails it to the hotel.

Jeongin may look creepy as shit right now, but he’s okay with that. He’s currently crouching behind a potted plant, watching the Ateez manager check the band in. They begin to walk down a hall to the elevators, and that’s when Jeongin decides it’s his time to hurry after them. He walks as least stalker-ish, and as casually as possible. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to initiate contact.

“Jeongin, hey! Is that you?”, one asks in perfect Korean, and Jeongin remembers them all from Kingdom: Legendary War. It’s Wooyoung speaking, and they all turn to look.

“Hey, Hyungs!”, Jeongin replies. He looks over all their faces: Hongjoong being the stoic, yet warmhearted leader, Seonghwa and Yunho kindly looking at him as if he’s a lost puppy, Yeosang and Jongho almost blankly staring at him, but with a hint of kindness, Wooyoung grinning so hard, his smile might tear off his face, and Mingi blinking in confusion for a hot second, before he registers who it is. He wasn’t there for Kingdom, but of course Jeongin recognizes that funny, tall, weirdo. “It’s good to see you all.”

“You too! You should come up for tea or something. Hang out while we unpack!”, Seonghwa invites, and who is he to say no?

It seems Seonghwa and Hongjoong, then Yunho and Mingi, Yeosang and Jongho, and San and Wooyoung are sharing rooms. Jeongin feels the most comfortable around the eldest members, so he makes the decision to follow into their room and plop down on the bed.

The other members barge into the room a little after the three of them do, just having thrown their bags into their respective hotel rooms.

Jeongin sits there watching the two of them bustle around, setting their toiletries in the bathroom and folding their clothing to ensure no wrinkles. They throw him sympathetic looks every now and again, and Jeongin has half a mind to realize they probably see him as their baby. God knows he was the youngest in Kingdom.

“So.”, Yunho says, finally breaking the awkward silence in the room as he marches in, followed by Mingi and San. “The others had to pee.”, he says by way of explanation as to why the others aren’t there. The question hadn’t even crossed Jeongin’s mind, but he shrugs it off and is thankful for their thoughtfulness.

“Are you all on tour right now?” It’s a sort of pointless question, because that’s pretty obvious, but Jeongin finds he blurts it out before he can really truly think about it.

But Hongjoong replies so politely that it doesn’t even matter. “Yeah! We’re on our Latin American tour right now. Just came from Argentina.”

“Oh, cool.”, Jeongin says, but it doesn’t come out with as much conviction as he’d like. He nods awkwardly. Thankfully, his Hyungs are kind enough to steer the conversation in another direction.

“Well, Jeongin-ah, how’ve you been since Kingdom?”, Yunho asks, a smile on his face. San and Mingi, who’ve been standing behind Yunho this whole time, flop themselves onto the bed.

“Pretty good! We released a lot of new music, and it was a really productive year.”, he says quietly, trying to squash the memory of his boyfriends down in his mind.

“Speaking of which…”, San adds, and immediately, Jeongin’s blood runs cold. This is the question he wanted to avoid. “Where are the others? Are they here too?”

“Yeah! I’d like to see Changbin.”, Wooyoung says, walking into the room with Yeosang and Jongho, “Tell him how terrible he is.” He chuckles, and hoists himself onto the counter of the kitchenette.

“Get down, Youngie.”, Hongjoong says sternly, but gently. “You’re gonna destroy this poor kitchenette with your huge ass.”

The younger sighs, but complies, and walks over to the bed and crawls up there, throwing his arms around San. Jeongin suddenly sees Chan in Hongjoong, and before he can stop him, the tears overflow.

He feels someone’s arms around him, and the tears slow a little bit, just leaving him red-faced and snotty.

“Don’t cry.”, Seonghwa’s saying, while some of the others just stare at him, awkward, and obviously not having any idea what to do. “It’s okay. Would you like to tell us what’s wrong?”

Usually, Jeongin wouldn’t be so open, but now, he has the overwhelming need to just spout his feelings. But he knows he can’t.

“I can’t. Believe me, I want to, but I’m not allowed to tell anybody. They gave me hush money…” Honestly, he probably shouldn’t have given that much information away.

Wooyoung levels him with a mischievous look. Obviously, he isn’t going to let it go.

“If I tell you, you can’t say a word to anyone.”, Jeongin stresses. “Or else I’ll have Changbin come here and put you in the hardest headlock. You won’t sing for weeks.”

Wooyoung gulps dramatically, but nods. “Got it. None of us will tell a soul.”

Jeongin sighs, and relays the entire story: the separation, the side effects, the lack of contact, the tears. “... and it all led up to this moment here, now.”, he finishes after a good ten minutes of Jeongin talking and the others simply listening.

They all stare at him for a split second of silence, before Mingi makes a noise in the back of his throat.

Then, all hell breaks loose.

“How dare JYP!”, Wooyoung yells angrily, just to get scolded by Hongjoong for being in a public space. “Do I care, Hyung? I’m angry!”

“I know”, San says sympathetically, getting up and rubbing the younger’s back. “It’s not at all fair.”

Meanwhile, Yunho and Seonghwa are trying to comfort a blubbering Jeongin, who's fighting to not sob.

“I’m sorry… I-I didn’t mean to bring the mood down…”, the youngest is saying, his face in his hands. Yunho shakes his head, while Seonghwa’s parental instinct is showing as he holds Jeongin.

“No, no, no honey! Don’t be silly.”, the eldest exclaims, incredulously. “We’re happy that you trust us enough to talk about your problems with us.”

“I just miss them so much…”, Jeongin blubbers pitifully, his body wrapped in a hug from all eight of them, hoping to make him feel better.

Chapter Text

A month passes by, but to Jisung, it feels like a year. A year of panic attacks, max an hour of sleep a night, and way more intrusive, terrible thoughts than he’d like to admit.

One day, he’d demanded his manager give him Chan’s number, and when he said he didn’t know it, he demanded JYP’s cell. Then he called his boss up and told him off. How he wasn’t fired was a miracle. His manager had been outside in the living room, and though Jisung had been in his bedroom, he was shouting so loud, his manager could hear it, and he was worried his neighbors could hear it. At first, it had shocked the older man, because Jisung was usually so sweet and complied easily to authority, but now, he was unhinged.

“Here me, you complete bastard! When I get back to Seoul, if I see you, I will make sure you end up in a hospital. That’s only half of the suffering you brought me! How would that feel, huh? How would it feel if the love of your life was taken away? Huh?” His manager had heard quiet in the house for a moment before Jisung blew up again.

“Like fucking hell it was our fault! We make you enough money to be able to get out of a scandal! So who the fuck cares? Only you. But apparently the only option is to make me miserable, thanks. Appreciate it.”

The shouting had continued on for a good ten minutes, before Jisung stomped out of his room, enraged. He grabbed his wallet and keys, and all he said was, “I’m going out.”

So now, Jisung is laying on his bed, miserable like usual. While the quiet and relaxed nature of Anchorage is a nice change, he does miss the different things to do in Seoul. Hell, he’s struggling to even find a good Korean restaurant here. (Though he did try a place called Seoul Casa, a Mexican-Korean fusion, and that was surprisingly delicious.) He needs something new before he goes insane.

He goes to his manager later that day, who’s stocking his fridge.

“Hey, Hyung?”

The older man regards him with a look of curiosity. It’s been a while since he’s talked to him.

“I need a vacation. I wanna go to a city. Anchorage is nice… but.. I guess…”, he fiddles with his thumb and looks at the ground. His manager smiles knowingly. He supposes living in Seoul for so long has made him grow accustomed to large cities.

“I understand. We can look at cities to go to tonight over dinner.”

They eat simple ramen, which doesn’t taste as good in America, but Jisung can handle it. God, how he misses home, though. He misses Incheon. He might go on tours, yes, but they’re always on the move and not for this long, so there isn’t time to be homesick.

They sit down together on the sofa and open Jisung’s laptop to look for places to visit.

Jisung, logically, knows he can’t go back to Korea, per his boss’s orders. He’d be terminated of his contract, and really lose everything he’s ever worked for. That can’t happen. But he can’t just hole himself up in this tiny city for too long.

His manager pulls up a list of different U.S. cities, and they all look promising. He explains each one by one.

“Seattle. Known for Pike’s Place and the Space Needle. A really nice spot by the bay for those who enjoy seafood and Starbucks.” He scrolls down. “New York. You’ve been there, though.” They share a laugh. “Miami. Known for beaches, lovely views, and plenty of reggaeton music.”

He scrolls down further, and Jisung notices one. “What’s that one?”

“Washington D.C., the nation’s capital. Great for history junkies and people who like memorials and museums.”

“Can I see that one?”

He clicks into it, and quickly, a news article pops up:

National Gallery of Art Hosts 32nd Annual Current World Art Exhibition on July 16

That piques Jisung’s curiosity. The article explains all the different exhibits that the museum will host, one from each country of the world, and that it’s an annual event, so current artists will be showing their pieces. It flashes through Jisung’s mind quickly that Hyunjin should submit some art. He also thinks about how, even though he hasn’t seen him in two months, Hyunjin is somehow rubbing off on him, as this art exhibition is interesting to him.

“I wanna go there.”, he states plainly, as if explaining a fact to a child, and leaving no room for argument. He points to the article.

“That’s three weeks away. Are you sure, Jisung-ah?”, his manager asks, looking straight at him, but he just nods. He’s survived this long, certainly another month won’t be so bad.

Those weeks roll around faster than usual, due to Jisung’s childlike excitement. He still can’t seem to sleep for the life of him, but it’s nice to feel. It feels so good to actually be happy and excited about something, a feeling he hasn’t had in months. He’s giddy as he rolls his suitcase into the airport. The plane ride is stupid long, 12 long hours, with a layover in Seattle. While Jisung and his manager are sitting there in the Seattle airport, he distantly wonders how anyone in Alaska can travel when it’s so damn expensive and long as hell. But Jisung can’t complain. It took 14 hours to get from Korea to Anchorage, and he’s got his hush money, which he can do whatever he wants with. Jisung knows for a fact that JYP’s not checking what they’re doing with their money; he doesn’t care about that kind of thing. Plus, the McDonald’s here tastes too good to keep Jisung angry.

They board their next flight, and after a grueling 7 hours, they touch down in Washington D.C., and Jisung feels almost like a child again: ready to explore and sightsee and frolic around.

"Look, Hyung!", Jisung says excitedly, bounding into a small shop in a corner. The sign reads Hudson News. Jisung's manager isn't sure he's ever heard of it before, but it appears terribly convenient. There's food, drinks, medicines, and everything else one may need for a trip. But Jisung ignores all of that and instead makes a beeline for a rack.

It's covered in stuffed animals, and his manager watches in confusion as he grabs a couple.

"See, Hyung? This one looks like Innie."

Sure enough, it's a fox that he's holding. A beige colored fox, with smiling eyes. It does look quite like Jeongin.

"And this one is Channie Hyung!", Jisung says, like it's obvious, holding up a grey wolf plush.

As much as his manager wants to be embarrassed by Jisung's childlike wonder over something so simple, this is the first time since the breakup that he hasn't cried when mentioning his boyfriends. He actually looks happy, and who is he to take away the younger's happiness?

Alas, they do have to get a move on. "We gotta get going.", his manager says, as much as it hurts him.

Jisung smiles. He nods. "Okay. Yeah, let's go."

His manager doesn't miss how Jisung pulls Wolf Chan out of his bag, and hugs him close to himself. They follow the signs towards the exits to get their bags.

As they wait for their suitcases at the baggage claim, his manager turns to him. “So Jisung-ah. The exhibition isn’t until tomorrow.” Jisung silently thanks his manager for having enough forethought to buy the tickets in advance. “What would you like to do? We could explore the National Mall, maybe do some shopping?”

Jisung nods along. Shopping and sightseeing sounds good. Maybe, Jisung could buy some souvenirs to bring to his boyfriends. If he ever sees them again.

Their bags come and they're off to the hotel quickly.

The city itself is lovely. It's quite warm outside, but from a distance, while the UBER is driving over a tall bridge with a great view of the city, Jisung can make out cherry blossom trees lining a lake. There's a memorial on the other side. He knows from his extensive research on this place and their brochure that that is the Jefferson Memorial.

He's suddenly hit with a happy memory of him and Changbin and Jeongin.

The first time he'd seen a Japanese cherry blossom tree was during their first tour in Japan. Changbin and Jeongin had offered to take him on a date when they had some free time. They went to visit a lake, and Jisung remembers his giddy feeling when the three took turns kissing one another.

Jisung sighs in happiness at the recalling of the memory. He watches the buildings go by quickly in a bit of a love-struck daze. At just a memory.

The hotel comes into view, towering over the other buildings in it's immediate distance.

They stop by the reception desk and get their room keys. Jisung will sleep in a room adjacent to his manager’s. They’ve lived together in the same house for months, so his manager thought it’d be nice to have a break from one another.

Jisung sets his bags down, and pulls out the SKZOO plushies he’s brought along- he brings them everywhere. The first ones that come out are Han Quokka and Jiniret, so he takes the two and lays down in bed with them, and, even though it’s 4 PM and he slept a little on the plane, he passes out quickly.

Jisung wakes up, still curled into Han Quokka and Jiniret, and checks his phone. He shoots up in bed to sit and his eyes bulge wide when he realizes it’s 8 in the morning. He slept a straight 16 hours. Even though they didn’t get to sightsee the first day, he’s glad he could get some good rest for once in these last few months. He feels almost rejuvenated. He gets up and begins his morning routine, only to hear a knock on his door.

“Yeah?”

His manager steps in. “Glad to see you’re awake. I tried to get you up last night but nothing could wake you up. I’m glad though.”

He checks his watch. “Anyway, I want to go out to breakfast before the exhibition at 11 so be ready in 45 minutes.” He slips out into the hotel hallway, and Jisung continues to start his day, but only before perching the rest of his SKZOOs on the bed.

They go to a Waffle House and eat some of the best waffles and eggs Jisung’s ever eaten in his life, and then walk to the National Gallery of Art. The front door is crowded with a huge group of people waiting to get tickets, but because they got their tickets early and have them printed, they pass by the crowd easily, and split up to look around.

“Make sure your ringer is on vibrate.”, his manager instructs, “And make sure to meet back at the entrance before 2.”

Jisung nods and they go their separate ways. There are plenty of people here, and they are all taking photos. Jisung just wants to take in the beauty of the art. He finds himself naturally gravitating towards the Korea exhibit, curious as to what his country’s art looks like. There’s different paintings hanging behind fortified glass. The one to Jisung’s left is a more traditional-looking Joseon era piece, depicting a man clad in an official’s uniform with rolling hills and trees behind him. Though it was made during the last year, Jisung notes from the display, it’s surprisingly faithful to the type of art from the era. He smiles, and gazes up at the others. The other two in the display are more modern looking, one depicting dragons flying through the air with large bird wings in oil paints, and the other, a still life of a skate park in charcoal. It’s simple, yet effective enough to convey the fun emotions of people at that park.

Jisung is proud of his country’s art, as he moves onto the next one, the Chinese exhibit. The traditional piece looks similar to the Joseon one from before, though the clothes on the man in the painting are different. There’s a still life in watercolor of a vase with a bouquet of the Chinese national flower, the plum blossom, sitting on one of those traditional bridges like the ones in the movies.

He finds it lovely. He’s walking to a different continent’s exhibit when a man catches his eye. He’s hard to see from the crowd around them, and he’s got his back turned to him, but Jisung notes the shoulder-length, silky looking brown hair. It’s pretty, and almost reminds him of-

No. He thinks to himself. I’m not going to think that. It’s just going to make me sad again. The man moves away, and Jisung rounds a corner to another exhibit.

This one’s the Italy one, which has a sculpture made of marble in it. It’s very creative, showing a knight scaling a drawbridge that’s closing. Jisung has half a mind to think about how heroic it is. He glances around the displays of Europe, but nothing really feels super interesting or unique here. It all feels very similar to the pieces of Van Gogh or DaVinci, almost if the pieces are trying to replicate their styles. Jisung still finds it impressive, but he thinks other exhibits will be more interesting to him.

He heads to the Africa exhibit. It’s colorful, that’s for sure, and there’s not a lot of people here. It's nice, as he can take a moment to clear his head after walking through such a large crowd of people. Jisung walks up to the display labeled “Kenya”. There’s only one painting, a realistic landscape in oils of Mount Kilimanjaro with giraffes, gnus, zebras, and other African animals standing in front of it. It's so detailed that Jisung's pretty sure if he stood there and gazed at it for much longer, he'd find other aspects of the painting that he hadn't seen before. If Jisung didn’t know any better, he’d say it was a photograph.

There is a display with a photograph though, and that’s the Niger display. The photo displays three women walking through the desert holding water jugs to get home. The women are all beautiful. Their dark skin and colorful clothing makes them shine in the hot sun. And even though they're doing hard labor, they appear to be enjoying themselves, talking, and laughing amongst themselves. Part of Jisung wishes he had that same resilience. After so long apart from the others, he'd say he does.

The description tells of the women who had to walk five miles to get water for their homes, and suddenly, Jisung’s suffering doesn’t feel all that important in the grand scheme of things. He knows comparisons are somewhat ridiculous, and he shouldn't compare himself to someone else- he supposes it's just human nature. He brushes off the thought, as the man with the hair from before steps to the side of him, not noticing him, too enthralled in the photo.

Boy, he’s got his hair, he even gets entranced in art like him… Jisung thinks, but brushes it off again. There's no way. It's just impossible. Damn, he’s become a real pessimist in the last few months.

“I could use this kind of idea for a painting. It’s wonderful.” It’s not until the man speaks to himself in a breathy voice that Jisung is hit with a realization like a ton of bricks. He reaches out a hand. His eyes widen as he walks up behind the man in a daze, tears threatening to fall, but this time for a different reason.

The world is flipped upside it’s head when a small, tiny, itty-bitty word slips out of Jisung’s mouth in a surprised whisper:

“Hyunjin?!”

Chapter Text

The moment the person behind him says his name, Hyunjin whirls around faster than he ever has in his life. The voice is so familiar, and his eyes almost bulge out of their sockets once he sees who it is.

“Jisung!?”

They stand there in shock, just staring at one another for a long, drawn-out moment. Time seems to stand still, even as people pass by them, whispering to themselves in annoyance at the two lovestruck men, who refuse to move out of the way.

The moment the person behind him says his name, Hyunjin whirls around faster than he ever has in his life. The voice is so familiar, and his eyes almost bulge out of their sockets once he sees who it is. They stand there in silence, just staring into one another's eyes for a long, drawn-out moment.

Jisung’s the first one to break, with happy tears starting to fall down his face. He leaps into Hyunjin’s arms, and they embrace for another long moment, before realizing there are people staring at them and they obviously want them to move. Hyunjin pulls Jisung to a secluded area with a bench for people to sit on when they need it. It’s in a spot where there aren't a lot of people, as most of them are still looking at the exhibits. The perfect spot for the two to be hidden from almost everyone else.

Hyunjin’s eyes have welled up by now as well, and he cups Jisung’s face, his eyes scanning his features, as if this man in front of him isn’t real. He squeezes his cheeks.

“Quokka cheeks? Big round eyes? Beautiful face?”, he says, as if coming to some amazing revelation. Hyunjin slides his hands down to Jisung's narrow waist, clutching it tentatively.

"Sinfully sexy waist?"

Jisung blushes, but wiggles his eyebrows playfully. "Can't keep our hands to ourselves, can we?"

Recognition flashes into Hyunjin's eyes. “It really is you!”, he exclaims in pure joy.

Hyunjin doesn’t waste any more time, leaning in and kissing Jisung so fast that he doesn’t see it coming. But this feels so good after so long. After so much pain and heartache, just a little, Hyunjin feels his heart being put back together. They deepen the kiss a bit, Hyunjin pulling at Jisung’s lip, before he pulls away, giving the older a loving tap on the shoulder. One of their old signals to stop.

“We’re in public, Jinnie.” He’d almost forgotten; though, it’s not like he cares.

“Right, right. Sorry, I’m just… so excited to see you. I can’t believe it.” Hyunjin gazes into the younger’s eyes lovingly, so much fondness being said in his stare. Jisung stares back, just as starry-eyed.

Suddenly, he laughs. “I can’t believe it. We’re apart for three months and we act like the world’s ending.”

“Well, it was!”, Hyunjin exclaims back to him incredulously. “My world ends if I don’t have you all.”

“Cheesy.”

“You love it.”

“I do.”

There’s a beat of silence before they both start laughing.

“God, I missed you, Sungie.”, Hyunjin says, leaning his forehead on Jisung’s. “I’m just… so happy I found you.”

“What a coincidence, huh? Eight billion people on Earth, and I happen to run into just one of the seven I love.”, Jisung responds, his eyes full of more emotion than he’s felt in the past weeks. It feels so nice to feel something passionately again. Sure he was happy at the prospect of a vacation, but this is something entirely different and entirely more powerful.

“We have so much catching up to do! Come on, we should head to a coffee shop to talk.”, Hyunjin says. “I saw one on the way here.”

And just like that, the art exhibition and their managers are long forgotten, with both of them shooting them a quick text about how they were hungry and headed to grab a bite to eat.

They head exactly where Hyunjin had mentioned, up the street is a tiny coffee shop in a strip mall nestled between a barber shop and a grocery store. It’s homely inside, with a couple of sofas lining each wall, and tables and chairs here and there. Jisung grabs a table in a corner, farther away from the bustle of the people, while Hyunjin orders. He’s so glad he still remembers his coffee order. Two iced Americanos.

The coffee is made, and he sits down across from Jisung, who’s smiling so brightly. Hyunjin remembers the goodbyes, where his eyes were bloodshot and full of tears the entire time. It’s so good to see him genuinely happy for once. Right as the older sits down, Jisung starts talking.

“I was sent to Alaska.”, he states, and Hyunjin’s jaw drops. He’s never been there but has heard cool things about it. Very naturally inclined, he knows.

“And it was pretty there, but I struggled a little.”, Jisung goes on, his eyes cast downward to his drink, which he sips. “Panic attacks. I thought about suicide for a moment.”

Hyunjin is again shaken, and he goes to respond quickly, when Jisung cuts him off.

“Don’t worry. They were only thoughts. But, I had them, and I’m not proud of it. But you’re here and they’re gone because now I’m happy.” Hyunjin gapes at him. It's not good, of course not. And this rambling tends to only happen when Jisung is nervous or feeling negative. Hyunjin knows there's likely more to it. “Anyway, I got bored holing myself up in my bedroom with just me and the SKZOOs-”

“So that’s where they went! I was wondering-"

“-and I heard the museum here was doing a cool art exhibit! I guess you must’ve rubbed off on me.”, he stops to chuckle. “I came here to check it out! And who did I end up finding? You!” Hyunjin ignores his previous thought for now. Jisung’s happiness is palpable as he gestures with both hands animatedly to him, and Hyunjin can’t stop smiling. “So, where did you go, Hyung?”

“New York.”

“Aww man! You got sent to New York and I was stuck in podunk Alaska? No fair!”

Hyunjin laughs. “Eh. It wasn’t that great. You’d think since I have money and there’s a lot of art there I would’ve explored, but I was so heartbroken that I ended up just staying in my studio by myself for weeks on end. And-” He stops. The moment when Jay kissed him flashes in his mind, and suddenly his gut churns. He’d consented to it. He’d allowed it to happen. Hyunjin glances up at Jisung’s bright face and suddenly feels so guilty, like the worst person on the planet.

Jisung’s head cocks to the side in question. “Hyung? Is something wrong?”

He can’t tell Jisung. Maybe he’ll do it in the future, but with his joy in the moment, he can’t bring himself to drop a bomb on him like that for now. He sighs.

“No, Sungie. I was just gonna say I made a lot of friends there.” Just one, he thinks.

“Ah, that’s cool! You did better than me!”, Jisung responds, either blind to the fact that in the same breath, Hyunjin had said he didn’t ever come out of his room, or ignoring it.

“I did.”, Hyunjin nods, that knot of guilt hanging heavy in his stomach. He wants to tell him, so bad, but he can’t lose him so quickly after he just got one of the loves of his life back. So his silence will remain. For now.

“Well, Hyung, I’m gonna be really honest with you. I really wanna kiss you right now, but there’s all these people around. Wanna head back to my hotel room?”

Of course, Hyunjin can’t refuse. He takes Jisung’s hand in his as he leads him down the few blocks of buildings to his hotel, passing cars and street signs that Hyunjin doesn’t even register. He’s too excited.

They make it back, and the second they step through the threshold and Jisung’s keys are on the console table, Jisung’s pushed against the door by Hyunjin.

“I’ve missed this so bad.”, he murmurs against the younger’s lips before diving in for a ravenous kiss. He’s determined to make up for lost time. Jisung’s hand finds its way onto Hyunjin’s arm, and, as they make out, his hand slides up his arm, up to his collarbone, and down his chest. Hyunjin shivers in the kiss, and deepens it, exploring Jisung’s mouth like he hasn’t felt its softness in years. Jisung pulls back when Hyunjin’s hands find their way up his shirt and onto his soft stomach, splaying onto his lips, “Please, Hyung, I need it.”

Hyunjin nodded. “Yeah, yeah, baby, I got you.” His hands grip the backs of Jisung’s thighs, hoisting him up. The younger shivers from the show of strength, while Hyunjin easily deposits him on the hotel bed, knocking the two SKZOOs perched there from earlier away. Jiniret and Han Quokka fly off, but the two adults are too enraptured with one another to notice or even care. How ironic.

They kiss until they’re breathless, only pulling away to take a breath and then diving right back in. Hyunjin wants this to last as long as possible, to make up for lost time, and to make up for what he did while they were away. The guilt is gnawing at him as his boyfriend is under him, enjoying himself so much. Their hands find their way lower, and suddenly, both of their shirts are off, and both their hands are roaming further down.

Two hours and a few rounds later, they lay together under the blankets, completely satisfied and spent, panting lightly. Sweat lines their foreheads, though they couldn't care less. Hyunjin can't believe he’d found Jisung, in all his round-cheeked adorable glory. He lay there in the afterglow, but that knot of guilt still hangs low in his stomach. He’ll get the courage to tell him eventually, he tells himself.

“Hyunjin.”, Jisung says, effectively cutting him out of his thoughts. He thanks him in his head. “I propose a plan.”

That catches the older’s attention, whose eyes widen. He looks at Jisung, rolling over to face him while lying on his side. “Do tell.”

“We can’t go on like this. If you and I were suffering that horribly, imagine the rest of them. I’m not gonna leave them like that.” Jisung stops for a second and takes a hitched breath. He thinks for a moment. "I don't know. I just think that, I guess, I miss him, you know?"

Hyunjin nods; what Jisung is saying makes complete sense. He can’t imagine the pain everyone is feeling right now. “Three months of basically solitary confinement will do that to ya.”

“We have to get back to Korea.”, Jisung continues. “We have to try and find a way to get the boys back together. I don’t know, maybe sneak into JYP to figure out where everyone is! I just- I can’t-”, he’s starting to sniffle a little bit, “Minho…”

Hyunjin understands. While they all share deep bonds and love for one another, Minho and Jisung have always been joined at the hip, a “better half” if you will. He can’t imagine how empty Jisung has been feeling without his soulmate for the last three months. He opts to just hold Jisung while he sniffles quietly, and rubs his back lightly. “We’ll find them.”, he reassures. “We’ll find them.”

Hyunjin leaves later that day, after a tearful goodbye for the second time. They buy some quick plane tickets to Korea and agree to meet up early the next morning at the subway station.

Hyunjin’s main issue is his manager. He’s managed to get the older woman to go get him some food and an Americano while he hastily packs up, but it still looks a little shady when his manager reenters the room to see it spotless and everything packed away.

“What are you doing, Hyunjin-ah?”, she asks, holding a bag of McDonalds and an iced Americano. “We don’t leave for another few days.”

“What do you mean?”, he volleys back. “The room was a mess so I cleaned it.”

She doesn’t push it, knowing that his temper makes him a loose cannon around her. “Well, I brought food. I’m going to head to my room.”

She sets the items down and leaves Hyunjin’s hotel room to go to her own, rolling her eyes and mumbling something under her breath.

He’s thankful for the food, though, and eats it up while packing up the last of his things.

The next morning comes around, with Hyunjin having barely slept, yet he couldn't be more ready. It’s around 4 in the morning, too early for his manager to be awake yet, but not late enough that they have to wait a million years at the airport. He sneaks out as quietly as he can through the building, waves goodbye to the friendly front desk people, and heads out into the empty and dark Washington D.C. street. It’s really safe here, so Hyunjin really isn’t worried. He heads north, dragging his suitcase behind him.

He finds the subway station easily enough, seeing Jisung standing there, holding a plushie. Hyunjin looks closer at it and recognizes it’s Leebit, and suddenly, the need to find the others for him has never been higher.

“You ready?”, he asks the younger, who nods, determined. Together, hand in hand, they head for the airport, and, by extension, for home.

Chapter Text

Hyunjin is still reeling from everything that happened in the past two days. He reunited with one of the loves of his life, and now he’s touching down in Korea after a long, grueling 20-hour flight. It’s worth it, though, to find his family.

The airport is so familiar. They've been here so many times to fly out to their schedules, that navigating it is still easy, even after three months.

They pick up their luggage at the baggage claim, and, as they walk out into the warm Seoul air, they haven’t been happier to see Korea again. It’s been too long. The high skyscrapers are still there. The parks are still bustling with happy people. The sun is bright overhead. The Han River flows like they never left. Cars drive by, heading from work to home. It is 3 p.m., if you account for the time zone changes. Hyunjin didn't know what he was expecting, but everything is exactly as they left it.

“We need somewhere to stay.”, Jisung says blatantly, as they’re heading for a bus stop.

“I know. That’s why I called them first.”

“Them?”

Hyunjin leads Jisung to the bus stop, and they stand there for a couple of minutes. Luckily, they manage to make the bus.

As they sit down in two conjoined seats, Hyunjin explains. “We’re going to stay at my family’s home.” Jisung almost forgot the older is from Seoul.

“They’ll take us in as long as needed.”

Jisung nods. He’s met Hyunjin’s parents before, and they’ve always been so sweet and supportive of him and his seven boyfriends. He’s somewhat excited.

“What’s better”, Hyunjin continues, “Is that the house isn’t far from the JYP building. Make it easier to get in and out.”

A few bus stops later, they hop off and head down the street for Hyunjin’s family home. The excitement is bubbling inside him at the prospect of seeing his family again. He’s got a goofy grin struck across his face, and it seems Jisung notices because a goofier grin takes over his features too.

“Why are you smiling like that?”, Hyunjin asks when he glances back at the younger following him.

“Well why are you?”, Jisung volleys back easily, the smile widening.

Hyunjin just laughs, as he rounds the corner street to head down his cul-de-sac, up long flights of stairs. It’s like he never left, but it’s as they say, lost souls always find their way home. He stops at the bottom, waiting for Jisung to catch up to his side.

“I hope you like stairs, Sungie.”, he says. He half expects Jisung to whine at him about it, but he doesn’t. He looks at Hyunjin with the most sincere smile he’s ever seen from the younger and nods.

“Of course I’m ready.”

Five and a half flights of stairs later, Jisung is skipping little hop steps up the stairs while Hyunjin has started to struggle. This is his family home, he should be used to this, how is he having this difficult of a time?! To be fair, he hasn’t been out in months. Jisung sure hasn’t either, but maybe living in Alaska where he can walk out in nature has helped him keep his endurance at least a little bit high. Hyunjin can only speculate.

“Hyung! Are you good?”, Jisung yells from the top of the last flight of stairs. Hyunjin realizes with a start that he’s only three steps up the twenty-step flight. Damn it. His arms are starting to be weighed down by all his luggage that he’s carried up the multiple flights.

“No Jisungie!”, Hyunjin replies dramatically, flinging his hand high in the air to make a show out of it. He knows he could probably make it up the stairs, but he’s feeling a little dramatic right now. “If I muster but one more step, I think my legs will fall off!”

Jisung cocks his head. “C’mon, Hyung! How can you dance with that kind of stamina?”

There’s a beat of silence before both of them erupt in cackles. Jisung’s laugh sounds so lovely to hear, and even though he sounds like a choking bird, Hyunjin thinks he could never tire of it. He makes the rest of the trip up okay- turns out his legs didn't fall off- and they head to a little house nestled in between two others. It's quaint but homely. The house is down three steps, and there’s almost like a little yard there, with a pathway leading from the stairs to the door. Hyunjin bounds over excitedly, like a little puppy, and knocks on the door.

A squat, old, but kind-looking woman opens the door, and a bright smile takes over her wrinkled features. Jisung knows it’s his grandmother.

“Hyunjinnie! You came!” She passes a few words to him before she glances past him at Jisung. She pushes past her blood relative quickly, to hug Jisung.

“Sung-ah! It’s so good to see you!” The woman’s arms snake around the younger.

Hyunjin pouts. “Nothing for me, Halmi?”

“Oh hush.”, she spits, “I haven’t seen one of your lovely boyfriends in so long. You work down the street and yet I don't get to see your boys that often." She lovingly squishes his younger boyfriend's cheeks. Everyone always wants to do that to him.

“But you also haven’t seen me in so long.”, Hyunjin whines. He rolls his eyes, giving up trying to get his grandmother's love and heads inside the house. His mother is in the kitchen cooking, and when he sees her, tears prick into his eyes and he drops his luggage to go embrace her.

“I’ve missed you, Eomma.”, he says. The middle-aged woman smiles and pushes into the hug, but says nothing. She’s always been a quieter one.

Jisung finds his way into the house, followed by Hyunjin’s grandmother.

Hyunjin’s mother looks up from her tteokbokki bubbling on the stove. It's red with flavor, the sauce looking absolutely delicious. Hyunjin's mouth waters; his mother has always had that way about her. “I’ve made lunch. Are you both hungry?”

They nod.

“It will be a few minutes ‘til it’s done.”, his grandmother explains. “You both can take the guest bedroom. I assume you have no issues sharing a bed, yeah?” She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“Halmi, gross!”, Hyunjin says, grabbing Jisung’s wrist and leading him to the bedroom with one hand, while covering his face from embarrassment with the other.

“What? It’s not like you haven’t done it before, we all know-”

“Stop, Halmi!”

Jisung’s keeling over in laughter as they make their way into the bedroom down the hall. The other rooms are upstairs in the little house, but it’s plenty comfortable for everyone in Hyunjin’s family, since he’s an only child and all.

They set their bags down on the floor and take a long look at one another. They've barely touched one another since before the plane ride, and something, a surge of energy, fires off between them. Naturally, they gravitate towards one another. Before anyone does anything, they take a long, drawn-out, but sweet moment to hold and gaze into one another's eyes.

The two of them are chest to chest. The contact makes them both shiver. Jisung's hands are gripping Hyunjin's shirt so tight on his chest.

Hyunjin, meanwhile, is feeling Jisung up as much as he can. One hand cups Jisung's soft cheek, while the other one runs along his back, down to his ass, giving it a loving squeeze, and back up again. He leans down and nips at Jisung's collarbone, pulling a whiny sound from the younger.

Hyunjin licks up from his collarbone, up the side of his neck. Jisung groans outright, tensing up from the sensation, but then relaxing with a sigh.

The older's lips rake from his cheek, back to Jisung's lips. Against them, he whispers: "You'll never not be so sexy. You're so beautiful. I missed you."

"Missed you too. Love you.", Jisung responds, breathy.

In answer, Hyunjin captures his lips in a heated kiss. Those hands begin to roam again, and the kissing quickly turns intimate, as they take their time tasting one another.

After a while, Jisung pulls back for air, and he sighs, squeezing Hyunjin's waist hard. "I'm- I need it, Hyung, I-"

"What do you need, baby?", Hyunjin asks sultrily, kissing Jisung again.

"You, Hyung."

Hyunjin reaches for Jisung's shirt but is startled out of his mind by a violent knock on his door. He grumbles in annoyance, pulling away from Jisung, but keeping his hands holding his boyfriend's.

"Come out for lunch, you two!", Hyunjin's grandmother yells through the door. Jisung and Hyunjin look down, frowning, but hurry to the bathroom to take care of their little issue.

With two bowls full of Hyunjin’s mother’s spicy, yet delicious tteokbokki, the two sit down across the dining table from the two older women.

They eat in silence for a while, until Hyunjin’s grandmother asks the pressing question.

“What’s been going on?”

The two younger men halt in their tracks, their spoons stopping midair.

“What do you mean, Halmi?”, Hyunjin says, trying to play dumb. It doesn’t get past his grandmother.

“I mean, you don’t tell us where you’re going, then disappear for three months only to reappear again without warning? It’s suspicious.”, she replies blatantly, shrugging. His mother nods along.

“We- we were sworn to secrecy.”, Jisung murmurs, taking a tiny, nervous bite of his tteokbokki.

“Well enough of that. I am your grandmother and deserve to know.”, the oldest woman at the table demands, slamming her old, frail hand down with a surprising amount of force. Hyunjin’s grandmother has always been a weird one to him. A very stark contrast to Hyunjin’s mother’s quiet, loving nature.

“We just want to protect you.”, the younger woman says lightly, stretching her hand to hold her son’s. The two men exchange nervous glances, but Jisung nods at Hyunjin, who sighs.

“Please don’t tell anyone. If this were to make it to PDnim-”

“We understand, love.”, his mother cuts in. “Please, just tell us. We want to know.”

So Hyunjin does. He explains JYP’s plan, the hush money, the lack of cell phones, where they went, and why they came back. He conveniently leaves out the "I kissed another man" part because he’s just not ready for that conversation yet. And he thinks he’d like all of them to be there when they have it, however difficult that may be.

“What an evil man!”, Hyunjin’s grandmother spits, shoving an angry bite of her food in her mouth. His mother just sits there in silence, glancing down at her bowl as if it’s the most interesting thing in the room. Hyunjin understands; it’s hard to process all that really happened.

“So what are you gonna do?”, his mother asks quietly.

He and Jisung exchange glances again.

“We were thinking we’d infiltrate the JYP building to find answers.”, Hyunjin says, as if it's obvious. As if it's a simple, menial task to do.

“Yeah! We know that building like the back of our hands. It’ll be easy! Maybe then we can figure out where the others are.”, Jisung adds, a little more excited this time.

“Right. We are gonna try tomorrow.”, Hyunjin finishes.

The two women smile.

“Good. Hit that bastard where it hurts.”, his grandmother exclaims proudly ruffling Hyunjin's hair lightly, “That’s my boy.”

“Yes, I’m sure your flight was quite long. You should rest before executing your plan.”, his mother chimes in. Hyunjin silently thanks her for her quiet thoughtfulness.

Jisung and Hyunjin smile, happy to have such support in such important times. Lunch wraps up, and they leave to the guest bedroom to really refine their schemes and maybe get a little distracted in each other.

Hyunjin wakes up the next morning with an eye of determination. He and Jisung are going to do the unthinkable today: infiltrate the JYP building to figure out where their boyfriends are. They’re on a mission today.

After gulping down two iced americanos and a muffin each thanks to Hyunjin's mother, they head down the street to the main JYP headquarters. They make sure they both tie up their hair, (though it was a bit of a struggle with Jisung’s short hair), wear dark glasses, bowl hats, and masks, and black clothing that no one would recognize them in.

Somehow, Hyunjin's mother has a collection of his father's old clothing. He found two trenchcoats that reach Jisung's ankles and Hyunjin's knees. They hide them well.

They may look shady as hell, but it conceals their identities perfectly. They can slip into the building with ease this way. They also know from the website that there’s a tour happening at precisely 1 PM. The plan is this: they will join the tour led by a JYP assistant, and, when no one’s looking, slip away. Jisung will look through the studios for his equipment, due to his pleas that he needs some things stashed there, and JYP has so much of it that he won’t even notice it’s missing. Hyunjin will head towards JYP’s office, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible, but hopefully, find some clues somewhere or someone who can get clues.

The tour group has met in the building’s lobby, and it’s a sizable group today. That’s perfect, as more people will mean that Hyunjin and Jisung can blend easier into the background.

One of JYP’s assistants, a young, professional woman by the name of Secretary Hyeok, walks to the front of the group, while Jisung and Hyunjin join the group.

“Hello there, everyone! My name is Secretary Hyeok, I work directly with Park Jinyoung PDnim, and I’m happy to welcome you to our wonderful building!”, she says politely, as if she’s rehearsed this a hundred times over. “Before we go, a few rules. Please do not touch anything and do not leave the tour group as you may get lost or left behind.”

Hyunjin chuckles internally at that prospect. As if he could get lost here of all places, even if he hasn’t been here in so many months. This will be easy, he thinks, as their group slips into the hallway.

The tour begins as smoothly as ever, but they both find it boring because they know about all this stuff. But the tourists with them are snapping photos of everything; they swear a shutter goes off every two seconds. Every poster, sign on the wall, every room.

When they pass by the bathrooms, close to the studios, he whispers to Hyunjin and slips away. He heads straight for the Stevie Wonder-themed one. His equipment, his headphones, microphones, and his Spotify pillow. They bought that damn Spotify pillow and he's not about to let JYP steal his stuff. Fortunately, he knows a few back hallways to sneak out the back and meet back up with Hyunjin.

Something Jisung has always found neat, though, about the headquarters of JYP are the themed studios and dance practice rooms for each of JYP’s influences. Stevie Wonder, Prince, Rick James, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, and so on. Jisung thinks it’s a cool nod to the greats.

He knocks on the door, to make sure no one’s inside, and when no sounds resonate from the room, he barges in confidently.

He halts in his tracks, gaping at the sight before him. It’s Chan. His mouth drops open, gasping silently.

Chan's got a pair of headphones over his ears, and his laptop is open, his producing app on full display. But the man Jisung loves is hunched over the desk, sleeping soundly. Judging from the paleness of his skin and black circles under his eyes, Jisung figures he hasn’t gotten much sleep in the past months. He doesn’t want to wake him, but at the same time, he’s ecstatic to see his oldest boyfriend.

He sheds his trenchcoat, mask, and glasses onto the sofa behind them, opting to keep the bowl hat, the equipment he came for all but forgotten. He decides that it’s in his best interest to simply sit on the sofa and watch the rise and fall of his chest while Chan sleeps.

Chan

Chan stirs awake at some rustling in the room. He’s already a light sleeper, so the different noise makes him pick his head up off the desk and blearily glance around the studio to inspect it. He didn’t get a lick of sleep last night at all, as per usual, so he must’ve conked out while working. He glances down, realizes he's gotten nothing done, and sighs. Since he fainted in the coffee shop, he’s pretty certain he's getting even less sleep than usual.

He blinks, eyes focusing, suddenly remembering the noises from the room. He glances behind him, and that’s when his heart nearly stops.

A pair of wide, round eyes, squishy cheeks, and the most lovely heart-shaped smile he’s ever seen is staring back at him. He stares in disbelief for a few seconds, totally convinced that the man before him is a ghost until he starts talking.

“Hi, Hyung. Long time no see.”

That’s when Chan seems to snap out of his daze, bursting into tears, and leaping into Jisung’s waiting arms. It's always been the other way around... but Chan doesn't even care. He's just so glad to have one of his children back.

The younger seems all too happy to wrap his arms around Chan, embracing him in a lovely, warm hug, one that has been long overdue. The tears are flying down his cheeks as he burrows himself into Jisung’s shoulder. It’s been three months, but it feels like a year.

“I-I missed you all… and”, he sniffs, “And I never got good sleep and I didn’t eat and I fainted in a coffee shop and I just felt like my babies were gone. And I missed you lots and I love you all still so much and I can’t-”, he rambles in between tears before Jisung shushes him with a finger on his lips. Chan recognizes his unstable state but he doesn't even care right now.

“I missed you too, Hyung. I love you.”, is all he says before holding him close. They sit there in comfortable silence for a few minutes before the door bursts open.

“Sung, what’s taking you so long, we gotta get outta here-”, Hyunjin says before stopping completely in his tracks.

“Ch-Chan?”, he says, launching into the hug pile they’ve formed, and into tears as well.

The pile of hugs and tears and love lasts a long time, and when the waterworks end, Chan pulls back just enough to gaze upon the very people he's missed and thought about for the past 3 months.

“I mean…”, he says incredulously. “Is this a dream? Are you… really here? Pinch me if it is.” His eyes are wide, as he scans the two others in front of him. He looks as if he truly can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“It’s not a dream, Hyung. This is real. We found you.”, Hyunjin says, smiling bigger than Chan thinks he’s ever seen, even with tear stains and red cheeks. Even Jisung's cheeks have gone red, too.

“And we should catch up.”, Jisung adds, hands still threading through Chan’s hair. He’s missed those hands, in his hair, all over his body... he snaps out of his dirty thoughts.

Clearly, three months of nothing but himself has left him feeling a little horny. But he brushes that away for later. “But we can’t do it here. We could get caught.”, Jisung finishes, just as Chan looks back up to get out of his thoughts.

“Let’s head to the dorms. I still live there. We can get some privacy, and you won't be seen.”, Chan says, excitement flowing through his veins. Finally, some of them are back. It still doesn't feel real, and he scrambles to go home faster than he has in months.

The two get back into their disguises, and the three manage to sneak back out of the building, thanks to the storage back door they sneak through.

The dorm looks the same as they left it. It used to be Jisung, Hyunjin, Changbin, and Chan’s, and remnants of the three are still there. Jisung’s room is still quite untidy, with unworn clothing strewn about, his bedsheets a mess, knickknacks scattered around on shelves, his nightstand, and his dresser. It looks like he wasn’t gone for a good three months. In contrast, Changbin and Chan’s rooms look like hotel rooms with how pristinely clean they are. Changbin’s naturally a neat person, but, for Chan, the only thing he felt he was able to control while his boyfriends were gone was the cleanliness of his room. Ultimately, they sit on the bed in Hyunjin’s room, which has some large art supplies and an old easel that he was sure wouldn’t have survived the flight to New York. It’s the most neat, yet still with an air of Hyunjin's personality.

Hyunjin and Jisung explain to Chan where they went, how they felt, and what they did. Chan is glad they feel the same as he does: like a part of him was taken away when they were separated.

In turn, Chan explains his production, the coffee shop incident, and the doctor’s office. Hyunjin and Jisung are both understandably worried, their eyes wide and fearful.

“You need to sleep, Hyung!”, Jisung demands, leaving no room for argument anywhere. Chan can only nod in understanding, hanging his head.

“I know, Sung. I guess when you guys aren’t around…” He can’t find the words to finish his sentence, but from their facial expressions, he can tell that they both understand.

Chan can’t help but gaze at his lovely boyfriends. He notices Jisung's wide eyes and pursed lips, and gives him a pat on the thigh to urge him to speak. The youngest fidgets a lot before he finally spits his words out: “Can I kiss you, Hyung? It’s been so long…”

He trails off in embarrassment, and Chan wants to make sure he knows he has nothing to be embarrassed about. So he surges forward, capturing Jisung’s lips in his. It’s a fiery kiss, fueled by months of longing and tears. It’s like something new has ignited within them both, and Hyunjin watches in awe as Chan and Jisung make up for their lost time. The kiss turns even more heated, and at one point, Jisung’s hips start moving against the bed and he sighs.

“Please…. Please… Hyungs…”, he stutters. “I.. need it.”

The older men exchange excited glances, and Chan pushes Jisung lightly onto the bed onto his back, already out of his mind. Chan hesitates, wondering whether or not he should let Hyunjin have his turn with the youngest. Hyunjin seems to notice this, and smiles at him; he’s already had his turn.

“Go ahead, Hyung, please.”, he says, shifting over on the bed to give them plenty of space. Chan drapes himself over Jisung’s ready and pliant body, kissing him roughly, causing the male under him to shake.

“Ready, Sungie?”, Chan whispers into Jisung’s body as he kisses down his neck and to his collarbone. He’s missed this; he’s missed the milky, soft skin of Jisung’s body, the slight swell of his tummy, and his deliciously narrow waist that Chan can almost fully wrap his hands around.

Jisung nods enthusiastically. “Yeah.”

Two hours later, after they’ve all showered and cleaned themselves off, they sit around the dining table, chowing down takeout from the local BBQ restaurant.

“I’ve missed real Korean food, damn.”, Jisung exclaims. “Alaska had like, no Korean restaurants and it hurt me.” He clutches his chest dramatically, and his face takes on a pained expression.

Chan laughs. He’s missed the sound of his own laugh.

“I mean, like, the Korean food in the US is good but like, man, this is the real deal.”, Hyunjin says, uncharacteristically sloppily talking with his mouth full.

Chan smiles. He hasn’t done that in a while, and his goofy grin is probably making up for lost time.

Hyunjin picks up a piece of authentic kimchi and squid from his plate. "You can't beat this stuff."

“I’m sorry it couldn’t be something more… homemade. I- I’m not Minho.”, Chan says, chuckling lightly, genuinely guilty that he couldn’t make his boyfriends something more homely. Hyunjin smiles and waves him off, but Chan could never miss the way Jisung wilts at the mention of Minho’s name. Chan suddenly feels awful. He knows their relationship is different. It’s always been that way. They’re soulmates, and that’s okay. But right now, he sees the true sadness in his eyes.

Jisung suddenly stands up and leaves the table, saying he needs a moment, and that he’s not hungry anymore.

Hyunjin sighs, sensing Chan’s sudden discomfort at upsetting his boyfriend, and scoots his chair closer to him. The eldest puts his head in his hands, while the younger sets a light hand on his back, rubbing light circles into the muscle there.

“I can see it too, Hyung.”, Hyunjin says, seemingly being careful with his words. Chan appreciates the thought. “He’s not the same without Minho. He’s so much more… sad.”

“I wish this never happened.”, Chan sighs, leaning back in his chair and eyes drooping from his self-diagnosed chronic tiredness.

Me too.”, Hyunjin responds easily. “But we have each other now. If we found each other and you, we can find everyone else.” The younger’s determination seems to seep into Chan, because suddenly, he feels even more determined to find the rest of his team. "It's not impossible."

Chan gets the best rest of his life, as when he lays down to finally get some shut-eye, he falls asleep so fast. If he hadn’t, he would’ve seen the way Jisung and Hyunjin lay on his chest, just gazing up at him with the most loving expressions on their faces.

He wonders if it’s just a coincidence that he’s slept better with them around. He’s eating occasionally, too, now that they’re back. A small part of him wonders what happened.

Nevertheless, he sleeps so well and wakes up energized for the next day. Jisung even seems happier than he was last night. They are all in good spirits as the youngest whips an easy breakfast together for them. A

As they sit around the table eating eggs, Jisung and Hyunjin both have mysterious glints in their eyes that make Chan a little nervous. They’re planning something, and he knows it’ll either be something really helpful or really… less helpful, but still enjoyable.

“Okay.”, Chan says after a long bout of silence in which the two younger men are stealing glance after glance at him. “What is it? You two keep looking at me.”

Hyunjin’s smile turns into a wicked grin. Chan knows that look. “What are you two scheming?”

Jisung joins into Hyunjin’s mischievous look. Deep down, though, Chan knows they mean well, despite their evil looks.

“So. We talked last night, Hyung. When you go into work today-”, Jisung starts.

“But I don’t wanna go to work~”, Chan complains. Jisung brushes it off easily, launching into his normal talking routine with the guys. Like they’d never been apart.

“Anyway, but the idea is that you go in and try to figure out where the rest of the guys are!”, he says, thrilled, as if this is so easy.

“How on Earth am I supposed to do that?”, Chan asks incredulously.

“I don’t know! Figure it out! I just…”, he trails off, looking down to his hands. Even though he never says it, he knows exactly what he’s missing. Minho. To be honest, even though things are looking up- he’s found two of his seven loves and his symptoms are getting just a little better- but he still feels quite miserable. And Minho is one of the reasons. The man was almost like his better half. His wife, almost, as being the eldest of the eight, they naturally have a deep bond, founded on taking care of their younger members. It goes deeper than that, though. They all know that Minho may be cold sometimes, his love for the members goes deep. And he feels that especially in Jisung and Chan.

Not wanting to disappoint Jisung, Chan nods. “Alright. I’ll try.”

Truthfully, as he walks into the studio, he has no idea how he’s going to figure anything out. He decides he’ll do some work for a bit to seem at least a little productive, and then try his best. But two hours roll around, and he finds himself sort of wandering the hallways. He spots different staff members and idols and trainees walking by, but nothing that can help him. None of the rooms contain any clues, and there's no way he can get close enough to JYP's office without raising suspicion. He, for now unsuccessful, heads to the cafeteria to get food. He walks by the buffet, setting different foods on his plate. Usually he’d have to use his points for the food, but today it was free. He wonders what happened to make JYP feel so generous today. Perhaps the apocalypse began, so he’s feeding his minions to protect him. Just a fleeting thought in Chan’s head.

He munches on some ridiculously spicy kimchi and ramen. Chan hadn’t realized it was going to be so spicy, but it tastes good so he’s just going to suck it up.

He’s sucking down a glass of milk so lovingly provided by the lunch ladies to cool his mouth off when he hears a voice. “... and we definitely need 3Racha back.”

He freezes, the heat in his face melting instantly. He glances back behind him and sees a makeup artist, and Mr. Yeon, one of JYP's secretaries. He realizes that they likely don’t know he’s there, and decides to remain motionless to listen in on what they have to say.

“Yeah. What happened to Stray Kids? I haven’t seen them in a while.”, a female voice says. Chan’s gut clenches, but he listens on.

“You know, I heard 3Racha could possibly get back together. But I don’t think it’ll happen. It’s just a rumor. But I did hear where the other ones went.”, another, older voice says. Mr. Yeon. Chan knows they don’t know he’s there. If they did, they wouldn’t have said anything. He has a fleeting thought to wonder why they’re saying anything at all. He listens on.

“Han went to Anchorage.” Chan knows that’s correct. This must be a reliable enough source. “And Changbin went to Berlin. Heard he lives close to the Brandenburg Gate.”

Chan gets up faster than he ever has in his life, and walks briskly, yet hopefully inconspicuously, away. Maybe, if he had looked back behind him, he’d see the two people behind him sending him knowing looks as he hurried away.

Chapter Text

“You know, Changbin-shi, you’re not going to get anywhere if you keep staring at the piece of paper.”, Seokwoo says, smiling down at him.

They’re sitting in Changbin’s personal favorite coffee shop around the corner from his apartment. He goes there when he doesn’t particularly want to be seen in public, but the need for coffee is too great. He’s currently bouncing his foot up and down over and over again. He hasn’t stopped since he sat down.

Meanwhile, Seokwoo’s band stayed in Berlin for a while, for vacation. The older was pretty excited to spend even more time with Changbin, so a month later or so, he invited Changbin to the coffee shop for a writing session. Changbin isn’t sure if Seokwoo knows he is procrastinating in life and invited him, but he’s thankful. He’s been quite bored for the last few weeks.

“I’m aware.”, Changbin replies, tapping his pencil incessantly. He just can’t stop. He wishes he could will his body to relax, but he just can’t seem to. He sighs. “I don’t know what to write about, Seokwoo-Hyung.”

The older hums, taking another sip of his frappuccino. He’d insisted he needed sugar and had Changbin try some of it as a pick-me-up.

Of course, it was too sweet for his tastes. But the chocolatey liquid did inspire him a little. “This reminds me of Felix. So sweet and amazing…”

He’d ended up only writing about a word and a half, desperately trying to push the memory out of his mind. He didn’t want to think about that anymore.

He didn’t want to hurt anymore.

So he focused on Seokwoo, talking with him, and joking with him.

“Well, Binnie. Can I call you that?”

Changbin shrugs and nods. “Sure.”

“Just write. See where the letters take you, you know?”, Seokwoo says.

“Yeah, but about what?”, the younger replies in exasperation. He looks back down at the piece of paper, frowning. Seokwoo chuckles a little but takes a sip of his coffee. Changbin sighs and gets up.

“I need another frapp.”

As he waits for his next drink to be made, he leans on the counter and reflects. Reflects on his time in Berlin, reflects on finally meeting Seokwoo, reflects on the months he’s been away from his boyfriends.

The coffee is made, faster than he initially expects, and he sits down with Seokwoo again. He fidgets, of course he does- he hasn’t stopped fidgeting since he got to Berlin- and he looks up at the older. Seokwoo smiles back, a sunny, polite smile.

“Hyung, I- I just want… want to say- um, I-”, Changbin stammers. Usually he’s a little more eloquent when he speaks; today, he supposes, isn’t one of those days. Seokwoo, thankfully, just smiles at him again, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He doesn’t rush Changbin, only waits patiently until the younger man is ready. Changbin sighs, finally resigning. “Thank you, Hyung. I totally would’ve been in a depressive slump had you not come here.”

“No problem.”, Seokwoo simply says. Changbin thanks whatever voice in the other’s brain that tells him to not ask questions, if there even is one. “I said before, I’m glad I could help you.”

“Seriously. I don’t think you understand. It’s been so helpful.”, Changbin says, and suddenly, a thought strikes him. He picks up his pencil and starts scribbling notes. He writes for at least 10 minutes straight, about a person in a depressed state that’s helped by a friend.

“I’m glad you’re my friend.”, Changbin murmurs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. He’s trying not to be too sentimental, but clearly, it’s not working.

Seokwoo’s smile grows, if that’s even possible, but then his expression shifts. He blinks, the crease between his eyes deepening as if he’s trying to figure something out. Changbin cocks his head in question, following his gaze over his shoulder. He’s looking at the door to the coffee shop, whose bell just rang, signifying people entering or exiting. Everything looks normal at a glance to Changbin. But then, he takes a look at the people entering and sucks in a breath.

“Isn’t that-”, Seokwoo starts, but he can’t seem to finish.

Changbin’s eyes are wide, his mouth hanging open. He wants to cry, but he can’t seem to at all. He’s too suddenly overjoyed. Then, the person at the door meets his eyes and lets out an excited, loud cry of happiness.

“Hyung!”

Two others- Hyunjin and Chan- Changbin sees- follow close behind. Changbin slips out of his seat at lightning speed and hurries over to throw his arms around the three.

“Oh my god, Changbin…”, Jisung is sobbing. Hyunjin is silent, but holding him so tight. Chan is fighting back tears. People are staring at them, some in awe of their reunion, some disgusted by their loudness.

“We need to go back to my apartment. I have to have time with you guys.”, Changbin says through his sniffles. He suddenly looks back. “But I need to do one more thing first.”

The others watch as Changbin hurries back to his table, throwing his arms around Seokwoo. He reciprocates the hug. Even though their time together was short-lived, he’ll miss his Hyung. “Thanks for everything, Hyung. I’ll miss you. This is probably our last goodbye for now.”, he says. The older just smiles.

With a pat on the back, he says, “I understand. Go to them. I’m happy for you.” Changbin leaves the coffee shop with a full heart, for more than one reason.

“How on Earth did you find me?”, Changbin asks incredulously.

Chan, Jisung, and Hyunjin are currently sitting on his bed, gazing up at him, while Changbin paces through his room. He’s fidgeting, picking at his fingers restlessly, excitedly grinning to himself. They just watch him, able to tell he needs to get it out of his system. But, at one point through his restless pacing,

Chan removes one of Changbin’s hands that’s mercilessly picking at his cuticles on the other. All he gives the younger is a supportive nod, gazing into his eyes.

It amazes Changbin that even after all this time apart, he can still read his boyfriend’s eyes and tell exactly what they’re thinking.

“Well, Chan overheard a manager say you were here and we found you!”, Jisung exclaims, bringing Changbin back to the conversation at hand.

“Yeah, Jisung and I happened to find each other in Washington D.C. at an art exhibition.”, Hyunjin adds helpfully. “This isn’t even that random.”

“Woah. That’s coincidental.”, Changbin quips, making them all laugh. It has been so random so far, but they’d like to chalk it up to the universe bringing them back together. It’s hard to keep the Stray Kids apart for too long, isn’t it?

“Well, who cares?”, Chan says. “The dorm is back together! 3Racha is back together.”

“That’s right!”, the youngest says. “There’s so much to talk about! Man, you don’t even know the half of it, Hyung!” His bright, upturned eyes and smile make Changbin melt a little inside.

Jisung, Chan, and Hyunjin begin to animatedly explain where they went, what happened, and their side effects.

“I’m so glad you guys are back. I’ve just been so fidgety lately. I can’t seem to stop.”, Changbin says. Jisung chuckles in turn. He playfully shoves his Hyung.

“You’re starting to sound like me, Hyung.” That gets a small giggle out of all of them. Hyunjin gets up and hugs Changbin.

“I missed your warmth, Hyung.”

Changbin blushes like an infatuated teenager. It’s crazy that his boyfriends can still do that to him after years.

“By the way, who was that guy you were with?”, Chan asks. As he does, he, Jisung, and Hyunjin’s faces all contort into something of mischief, like they know something he doesn’t. Changbin’s heart pounds, but he can’t tell if it’s from love or embarrassment. “Seemed an awful lot like a date. Are you crushing?”

“We’ve been making theories, Hyung. You gotta tell us.”, Hyunjin says excitedly. “Someone new to bring into the polycule perhaps?”

“Don’t say that Hyung!”, Jisung exclaims in disbelief, feigning sadness. His sparkling eyes make his frown less effective. “You know everyone needs to agree for someone new to join. That's the boyfriend rule!”

Changbin stares at them in disbelief for a long, drawn-out moment, though he’s somewhat sure he sees Hyunjin’s face fall a little, but then turn back into his original expression. Must’ve thought of something. Huh.

“You’re ridiculous, Hyung.”, Changbin says to Chan. “It’s not a crush. He was a friend I met while in Germany. You remember SF9- Sunbaenims?” Hyunjin and Jisung exchange glances.

“Yeah?”

“That was Rowoon. Well, I guess Seokwoo. He was a big help for me while you guys were gone.”, he chuckles to himself. “He helped me not go insane from loneliness.”

Hyunjin’s facial expression morphs into one of sympathy. “Aw, you missed us…” He throws his arms around the older. He stares down in disbelief.

“Of course I did.”, Changbin says, a mixture of fondness and surprise, holding Hyunjin’s back to his chest, nuzzling his nose into his hair. “How could I not?”

They’re all silent for a beat, just basking in each other’s presence. Their dynamic is slowly coming back. Changbin even hopes to heal his weird restlessness. It doesn’t feel whole, complete yet. But it’s a start that they’re all willing to have.

1 month ago…

“Mr. Yeon. Run these papers down to the copier. I need 45 copies of each.”, the CEO says, holding out the papers for his older assistant to take. Mr. Yeon falters, that morning’s proceedings flashing in his head.

The staff lounge was occupied. There were quite a few people sitting around a table, discussing over coffee.

Mr. Yeon, head of the idol division of JYP Entertainment, sipping an iced americano. Lee Joong Ki, the previous manager for Stray Kids, but now a co-manager of Xdinary Heroes, drinking down a latte with far more cream and sugar than he probably needs. Audrey Kim, a makeup artist and stylist, gulping quickly down a smoothie that she got from the new trendy shop downtown. And Choi Seunghyuk, or Versachoi, a songwriter who helps out with their producing, nibbling a small bowl of rice.

“What do we do?”, Seunghyuk asked incredulously. “We need ideas. We’re losing revenue and-” He cut himself off. He didn’t want to say the rest.

“I know. We need to do something about it. I had an idea yesterday.”, Joong Ki said, pulling a notebook from his bag that was slouched on the ground. It was covered in pencil scribbles, most of which were unintelligible to everyone else.

“What, d’ you write that in code?”, Audrey teases, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. He looks at her flatly.

“Yes actually.”

“Damn, what is this, a spy mission?”

“This isn’t funny.”, Joong Ki reprimanded sternly. “We could lose our jobs for going against Sajangnim. And I think we all want to see the boys back and happy again.”

Audrey fidgeted and looked down at her feet. “Sorry, Oppa. Just messin’ ‘round.”

The man softened, and rubbed the woman’s head. “I can’t stay mad at you.”

She smiles.

“Here’s my plan.”, Joong Ki continued. “Infiltrate his office. Figure out where they went.” He turns to look at Mr. Yeon, who’d been leaning against a wall a little farther away. He distantly thought about how they’re lucky to have no security cameras in the staff lounge. “You’re the closest one to Sajangnim. You have to get in there and find out.”

“Easier said than done.”, Seunghyuk said, a deep, worried frown embedded in his features.

Mr. Yeon sighed, shaking his head. “Well, even if I was able to figure out where they went, what are we going to do with that? There’s no way to do anything about it. We only have the manager’s contacts, and we have no way of knowing if they’re with us without revealing anything.”

“You’re right. Either way, if we know it, we could benefit from the info, you know? Even though we don’t know what to do with it yet.”, Seunghyuk added, a soft smile.

The table falls quiet, except for the buzzing of someone’s cell phone and their sipping of the drinks.

“I have an idea.”, says Audrey, out of the blue.

“What?”

“The boys should know about this, yeah?”, she states. “They deserve to know they have someone here who has their backs.”

“I think that’s fair.”, Mr. Yeon replies. “But how are we going to let them know without JYP finding out? He’s got control of their cell phones and mail.”

“Maybe we can use those things to our advantage, though. And as long as we can let at least one of them know, I’ll be happy.”, Audrey says, a mischievous smile plastered on her face. She takes Joong Ki’s notebook, and flips to a new page, taking his pencil and scribbling some notes quickly down. They don’t have much time; their break ends in 5 minutes. But Audrey writes out a full plan, that they all agree on. “Here’s my idea.”

So here Mr. Yeon stands, only now, since he hasn’t seemed to have gotten the chance to lately, trying his best to get his boss to leave so he can snoop. This is his first, and likely only opportunity. He tries to think of his best excuse.

“You’re dismissed. Go get me the copies”, JYP says, looking up at the man incredulously, but ultimately just slaps the papers down on the edge of his desk.

Mr. Yeon stands there, almost rooted in his place. He pulls out his cell phone and sends a quick text to Joong Ki, praying he’s fast enough. He knows that when JYP leaves his office, he locks it, leaving no way to get in. He has to stay as long as possible.

After a good minute, JYP glances up from his screen and sends Mr. Yeon a disapproving glance, turning up his nose. “I said you are dismissed. You may leave. I have work to do and you do too.”

“No, sir, um, there’s something else I’d like to discuss with you…”

He’s hesitant. Mr. Yeon was pretty sure he wouldn’t have gotten this far.

“Yes?”

“Um, well, I…” JYP’s glare grows sterner, and it’s clear that his patience is wearing thin.

Just then, Joong Ki bursts into the office. “Hello, sir!”

Mr. Yeon lets out a sigh of relief, and thanks Joong Ki in his head. He notices the eye roll JYP gives his worker.

“We need you to come review our NiziU choreo, sir.”, Joongi Ki says urgently. “Make sure it’s up to par.” He sends Mr. Yeon a helpful wink. JYP sighs further but stands up nonetheless. He holds up his keys and tosses them into Mr. Yeon’s hands.

“Close up after me, Yeon.”

For a brief moment, Mr. Yeon wonders if his boss knows what he’s doing, but then JYP exits without another word. He frowns. He knows for a fact his job is on the line, but he’d rather that than leave his boys depressed in different areas of the world.

“Yes sir.”, he replies automatically, to basically nobody, because his boss has already left.

He stands there awkwardly for a moment, just blinking. Then, he snaps into action. The first search area is the desk. He hastily throws open the drawers, yet as quietly as he can, knowing the consequences if he gets caught. The man frantically searches. There are basic office supplies, and papers of all sorts that

Mr. Yeon doesn’t have time to sort through. He doesn’t find anything there, so he turns his attention to the bookshelves.

There are only books and books, but Mr. Yeon has reason to believe there’s something inside them. He looks through a couple, but nothing looks suspicious. He suddenly spots a box in the corner of the shelf. It’s small and seems like a good hiding spot. But just as he reaches for the box and has it in his hands, the door opens again.

“What are you doing, Mr. Yeon?”

The man panics and places the box down, whirling around to see JYP walking back inside.

“Um, I was just curious about your- um- decor, sir.”, he responds. It’s a terrible lie, he knows, but hopefully, JYP will buy it.

“You and I both know that’s not true. Tell me why you’re looking through places you’re not supposed to, Yeon.” JYP’s eyes have narrowed now, shooting daggers through Mr. Yeon. He can’t lie to his boss. That would easily get him fired. So he caves.

“I’m just curious as to where you have placed the boys.”

JYP’s eyes light up but in a creepily maniacal way. “Ah, that’s what you’re curious about? I can tell you.”

Mr. Yeon’s eyes widen.
“-Because I trust you. You’ve been my assistant for so long. But I must be able to trust you to not tell a soul. Can't have the boys getting back together again, now, can we?”

The older’s brain malfunctions for a second, and he blinks and nods. It's also at this moment he realizes how much of a snake his boss is. But he remembers that JYP doesn’t know he's against him. So he schools his expression into one of passive interest and listens to what his boss has to say.

Chapter Text

The bed is warm and soft under his body. Familiar. The blanket lays on top of him. Felix’s pretty sure he hasn’t moved from the bed in days.

His mother gently opens the door, food tray in hand. Normally Felix would be delighted about food. Now he just wants to wallow.

“Felix sweetie. You can’t simply stay in bed all day. You must move your body. Your muscles will deteriorate.”

Felix sighs. He knows that’s the case. A light layer of fat lines his formerly perfectly toned six-pack stomach. His muscles are screaming at him for some sort of exercise. After five days a week of workouts, going to none at all is making his body hurt. He knows he needs the movement. But what’s the point? Why does it matter when Felix is aware he may never see his boyfriends again? Why does anything matter?

The anger from days ago is gone now. Now, it’s just emptiness.

“What’s the point?”, Felix replies, shifting in bed, clutching his knees to his chest. His mom sighs, exasperated. He knows he's acting like a brooding teenager, but he can't even seem to care.

“Young man. You must get out and get some fresh air. Laying in bed all day isn’t healthy.”

Felix cuts his mother a deathly glare.

“You know what happened last time, mom.”, he says, voice with a strained edge to it. “I lose control.”

What would STAY think if he lost control like that again? Especially in front of them? Felix couldn’t fathom it. Couldn’t at all.

“I can't, mom.”, he says finally. “This room is my only safe place.”

He knows of another safe place, but he doesn’t dare say it.

His mother caves, frowning, knowing she can’t budge him in this state. Felix is stubborn like that. As well, he can’t risk going into public lest his reputation go down the drain. His family only barely managed to chase down and convince the bystanders to not speak about what they saw. The only reason his job isn't gone is because they stuffed the pockets of the people who were watching. “Alright, sweetie. Stay here. But at least eat something and drink some water.”

She leaves his room. By the light of the lamp next to his bed, he sits up. It’s unexpectedly low light for his expensive bedroom, but it isn’t good for his eyes. He takes the tray and munches on it emptily. It’s a yummy plate of pancakes and eggs, with some homemade strawberry syrup. It’s like the lovely flavors hit his tongue and he doesn’t register them.

Suddenly, his mother calls him from downstairs.

“Sweetie! There’s something here for you in the mail!”

Mail? What mail would come to him of all people? He groans but rolls out of bed, trudges downstairs, and sees a pile of envelopes on the table.

“Rachel went and got the mail today. Said there was a letter for you.”, his father explains, as he stands at the table sipping a coffee.

Felix blinks at him for a moment, surprised that anyone would send something to him. “Okay?”

He picks up the letter. It’s a postcard, he can tell, from the smallness of the envelope. He tears it open and pulls out the postcard in question. One side is the JYP building, in all its tall glory. Felix scowls.

The other side, in obviously typed and printed writing, which tells Felix not much effort has been put into it, says,

Hello Felix,
This is Park Jinyoung PDnim. I hope you are well. I am writing to check in with you to make sure you are doing alright because I care deeply about my artists.

“Like hell you do.”, says Felix resentfully to nobody in particular.

I’d like to wish you and your family well.
(Read under blacklight.)

Felix blinks at the message. He’s inclined to rip it up and throw it away- because nothing his boss says is genuine- but his curiosity takes over. The message to read under a blacklight isn’t something JYP would necessarily send.

“Dad, do we have a blacklight lamp somewhere here?”

His father glances up from his crossword in confusion. “Yeah, uh, in the garage. On my workbench. It’s a flashlight, though.”

“That’s fine, thanks.”

Felix scurries through the house in search of the garage door, and he makes his way into the spacious room. The car is out because his mother has gone to the grocery store, so he has full space. The workbench is on the far wall, and Felix spots the blacklight flashlight sitting on it.

He sets the postcard down on the wooden surface and flips on the flashlight. A new message, written in invisible ink, appears there.<

Hey Lix,
This is Audrey, Joong Ki, Seunghyuk, and Mr. Yeon. We wanted to wish you well. But we also wanted to let you know that we’re here for you. We’re doing everything we can to try and find you guys and bring you all back together. But it’s been hard. Sajangnim’s pretty secretive. But just know, we’re trying. Don’t give up, okay? Keep hope. We all know that not even PDnim can keep you guys apart.
We believe in you. We love you.
Love, Your JYP staff

By the end of the letter, Felix is crying. Straight-up bawling. But as much as he expected them to be sad tears, missing his boys, they’re not. They’re happy tears. Tears of hope. Tears of the emotions he’s been longing to feel for months come out.

Suddenly, he feels a pair of strong arms around him. It’s his father. He must’ve heard his sobs in the other room and ran to his aid. Then another, which feels like Olivia’s. The two hold him as he cries it out, sobbing heartily.

For the next week, Felix carries that message around with him in his pocket. He bought a mini blacklight flashlight to keep with him, so he can read the message for a little hope every now and again, when he feels like he may lose control. He’s going out now. That little message of happiness has brought so much light, so much passion again. In the past week, he’s been to the coffee shop with his sisters, the grocery store with his mother, and even his father and him went to the cinema once. Things are beginning to look up. He may still have a chunk of his heart missing, but it’s starting to look less bleak.

“I’m so glad you’re feeling much better.”, Rachel says to him one day as his sisters and him are taking a walk to one of their favorite lookouts in Sydney. There’s a nice view of Seven Hills, and the three figured it’d be nice to make some new memories and take some new pictures.

“Me too. I got a letter from my coworkers that was really sweet. I don’t know. I guess it gave me the boost I needed.”

Olivia and Rachel both smile wholeheartedly, happy to have some semblance of their brother back. He’s not the full sunshine he once was yet, though, but it's a start.

They pull into the lookout parking lot and high-tail it up the stairs to the lookout. The view is vast; you can see much more of Sydney than just Seven Hills. There are fields of trees and rows of buildings contrasting each other. The sun is high overhead, and the sky is clear of all clouds.

Felix and his sisters take plenty of photos. They’re all smiling or making funny faces, and for the first time in months, Felix feels light as he laughs with them. At one point, he pulls them both into a bone-crushing hug. They hug him back with just as much force.

“I love you guys. Thanks for being the best sisters ever.”

Rachel and Olivia both smile at him. “Love you too, Lix.”

They ride home and find that there’s an unknown car sitting right next to the lawn in the driveway. All three narrow their eyes.

“Who could that be?”, asks Olivia.

“Not sure.”, says Felix, hopping out of the car first, his overprotective brother mode coming on. He takes a look into the car. It’s a black SUV, but there’s no one inside. They must be in the house. Since his parents are home though, they probably don’t pose a threat.

Uneasily, he follows Rachel into the house, followed by Olivia. They make it through the threshold, putting the car keys down and hanging their coats up.

“Lix, honey, there’s someone here to see you!”, he hears his mother from the kitchen. Someone? Here? For him? Who? His stomach churns at the notion of the police finding him again, especially after going out again. Although he can’t think of anything wrong that he did.

“Oh, Lix….”, Rachel’s voice cracks, drifting from ahead of him. She had gone into the room when he was overthinking.

“What? What- what’s going on-”

He cuts himself off, hurrying into the room, and immediately halting. He takes a shuddering breath, a hand clamped over his mouth, and tears welling up in his eyes.

There, at the table, sits the very people his heart’s been longing for. Chan, Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin.

The four of them jump up from the table, running over to hug him tightly.

Felix is fully crying again. He seems to do that a lot these days. They fall together into a heap on the floor, Felix’s family watching from afar, giving them the space they deserve after so long.

“How- how did you find me?”, Felix sobs. “How did you find each other?”

Jisung laughs through his sobs. “It’s a long story.”

“We’re so glad to have you back.”, Chan says, tears streaming down his face. He pulls back to look at his weeping heap of boys. “Our sunshine.”

“Sunshine. Right. There hasn’t been much of that lately.”, Felix replies darkly.

All three left clutching him, pulling back, and gazing at him in confusion.

“What do you mean?”, Hyunjin asks. He glances over at Felix’s family, who are watching them with a solemn look on his face. Rachel and Olivia move from their spots on the table and walk over to the group.

“You guys should catch up.”, the younger says. She rubs Jisung’s back. He smiles a little and looks up at her, smiling. The boys have always been close to Felix’s family.

“Let’s sit down on the sofa, okay?

After they’ve transferred their cuddle heap onto the couch and Felix’s family has moved to another room to give the boys space, they finally pull away from the hug.

Chan and Changbin each take one of Felix’s hands.

“Tell us, baby.”

Felix blinks dumbly.

“We know something’s wrong.”, Hyunjin says, smirking a little. “Don’t forget we can read you like an open book, baby boy.”

Felix sends him a forlorn look. “I know.”

Jisung, the sweet person he is, leaps onto Felix, holding him in his arms. He rubs a chubby cheek over his shoulder. “If you don’t wanna talk, you don’t have to. But we want to make you feel better.”

For the third time that day, tears start running down Felix’s cheeks. Chan jumps up, grabs his face in his hands, and wipes his tears away with his thumbs.

“Hey, hey.”, he says, like a parent consoling their child. “No more tears, alright? You’ve had enough of those today.” He presses a long, yet soft kiss to the younger’s lips. It’s a loving, gentle gesture.

“I’m sorry.”, Felix whispers. “It’s been… hard… without you guys. I- I don’t think I can talk about it. I regret it so much. I- I need to get some sleep.” They all exchange worried glances. “Will you cuddle with me?”

They’re in bed cuddled up, spooning one another.

"Can I ask another question?", Felix asks quietly, nervously. He's currently lying on his side, face buried in Hyunjin's chest, and being spooned from behind by Changbin, whose hands are snaked around his waist, holding his stomach. Felix squirms in his hold, taking his Hyung's hand and putting it behind him.

"What are you doing, baby?", Changbin asks, confused, sitting up in bed. Chan, Jisung, and Hyunjin follow suit, all three of them gazing down at the youngest member, who is still lying there, curling in on himself, sniffling.

Felix doesn't respond, but sits up, shivering. He wraps his arms around himself, engulfing himself in his own hug.

"Lix, tell us what's wrong.", Jisung tells him lovingly, rubbing his back.

Felix's stomach clenches, and he's shaking. He opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He clenches his fists. "I- Am I ugly now? Do I still deserve you guys?"

Everyone else's faces fall into a shocked expression. Jisung is the first one to break, and he angrily glares at Felix. He grabs the day-younger by the cheeks, cupping them in his hands softly, but firmly. He forces Felix to look him in the eye by tilting his face up. His eyes are filled with determination.

"Absolutely not.", Jisung spits, almost frustrated. Everyone, including Felix, just watches him, curiously awaiting what he'll say next. "You could never be ugly! I can't believe you'd even consider that! What's wrong with you?!"

He says it more aggressively than he means to, and Felix sniffles harder, coiling more into himself, pulling his head from Jisung's hands.

"It's just that...", he whispers, "I gained some weight... and... I'm kinda fat now, and-"

"Fat?", Changbin says, speechless. Everyone else is silent in surprise.

Felix's eyes widen. "W-well, y-yeah.", he stutters, trying to explain himself. "I haven't gotten out to exercise much, and it shows. I mean, ever since you guys left, I gained some weight and I, well, I just know I don't really look appealing anymore-"

"Felix.", Chan says sternly, in his dad voice that he reserves for when the boys are in trouble, scaring everyone. Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin stare at him, speechless, backing up to give Chan room to approach Felix on the bed. The leader scoots closer to the youngest in the room and sits down lightly in front of him.

"Listen and repeat after me.", he instructs with finality, with no room for any questioning.

Felix nods.

"I, Felix Lee..."

"I, Felix Lee..."

"Will never again..."

"Will never again..."

"Believe I am ugly, fat, or undeserving of anyone's love."

"Believe I am u-ugly, f-fat, or undeserving of anyone's love."

"Do you understand?", Chan asks. Felix nods nervously.

"No. I need finality, baby.", Chan coaxes gently.

"Okay. I understand.", Felix says, but no one's sure they believe him. He yawns, eyes fluttering open and closed. He lies down, gesturing for everyone to lie down with him. Chan, Changbin, Hyunjin, and Jisung exchanged worried glances but lay down with him anyway.
----

Chan wakes up about half an hour later, and, since he’s on the end, he shimmies out of bed without waking anyone and heads out into the living room. Felix’s family is there, eating meat pies. Chan feels like he should get to the bottom of this. After all, as their leader and the eldest, it’s his responsibility to make sure everyone is happy and healthy. And Felix, in particular, is his little Aussie brother. He needs to figure out what’s going on.

Olivia notices him first. “Hey, Chan Oppa.”, she welcomes politely as he enters the room. “Care for a meat pie?”

And meat pies are so simply Aussie that there’s no way Chan can refuse something homemade from his childhood.
Felix’s mother serves him a traditional meat pie, full of beef and gravy, and sits down at the dining table across from him. Felix’s father and Olivia sit on either side of him.

“We’re really happy you’re here.”, his mother says quietly. They’re still sleeping in the other room, and waking Felix from a comfortable and restful slumber would be horrible. “At least some of you. We heard what happened from him.”

“Yeah, it’s just awful!”, Olivia whisper-yells, her eyes flashing in worry.

Chan nods. “It is. I can’t imagine how everyone else is doing right now. I’ve only found half the group thus far. I can’t waste any more time.”

Felix’s father frowns, leaning back in his chair. “Felix had some issues after you all got separated…” He doesn’t finish.

Chan’s eyes widen in understanding. “Me too, actually. My insomnia got worse. I didn’t ever want to eat. I still sometimes don’t” He pauses, trying not to show his fear too much. He glances down at the half-eaten meat pie. “And everyone else had some too. Changbin has agitation. Hyunjin has psychosis. Jisung had anxiety. Really bad anxiety… but it’s... it’s not my story to tell.”

“We understand.”, says Felix’s mother, gently. She reaches over and grabs the hand that Chan doesn’t have on a fork for the meat pie. He’s only eaten half of it. Apparently, the lack of eating is still around.

Chan gazes up at his mother. “Thank you. Anyway, what’s happened to Felix? I- I wanna make sure he’s okay.”

The three of their gazes soften. “You’re a good leader, Chan-ah.”, Felix’s father says. “You’re sweet. Felix is lucky to have you in his life.”

Chan nods, smiling bashfully. “Thanks. But, I'm worried about- please tell me more about Felix.”

Felix’s mother takes a deep breath, shanking her head a little. “He’s been different. He’s been quite… violent.”

“Violent?”, Chan repeats uselessly, taking a sip of water. Felix’s mother patiently nods.

“He was caught by the police a month or two ago for violating public property. Apparently, he’d found a bat somewhere and went crazy. Lost his mind, I suppose. Destroyed a bench out of anger. In front of a couple of STAY girls. Got the cops called on him.”, says Felix’s father. Chan stares blankly forward for a moment, not at all believing his ears. The oldest man blinks in disapproval. “I’m not proud of him for it… but he was going through a hard time. Sometimes, emotions are too powerful to control.”

Chan seems to snap out of his stupor, then, nodding. “Yeah… yeah… I… I would’ve never expected that from Felix of all people. He’s always so sweet… I….”

Olivia frowns. “Usually he is. I guess without you guys he turns… I don’t know if evil’s the word… but I think you get what I mean.”

Just then, Hyunjin walks into the room. “Wasn’t tired anymore.”, he says by way of explanation, plopping down on the vacant seat, because Felix’s father has just excused himself from the room to go to work. “What’re we talking about?”

“Is it okay if Hyunjin knows, too?”, Chan asks Felix’s mother. She nods, and he explains what happened while Felix was at home. The property damage, the scaring young girls, and the jail.

Hyunjin’s mouth falls open dramatically. “Wow. Man, now I don’t feel so bad about what I did.” He immediately covers his mouth with his hands, tears springing to his eyes. “Shit…”, he mutters.

Chan eyes him, and he can tell the atmosphere in the room grows uncomfortable, as Felix’s family awkwardly shifts in their seats and Hyunjin stares at the older, wide-eyed and obviously nervous.

“Can we talk outside?”, asks Chan calmly after a moment of silence. Hyunjin gulps, but doesn’t say anything. But when Chan gets up to go outside, the younger follows without a word. He knows better than to deny Chan’s requests. Because he knows it’s not a question. It’s a command.

The lawn is perfectly mowed, and the sun is glowing in the sky. It should be a serene moment, but Hyunjin’s pure fear is too palpable. He knows he's fucked up.

Chan takes a seat on the grass, looking out into the distance, past the street Felix’s home is on, past the other houses, just forward.

Hyunjin stands there next to him awkwardly, fidgeting, for lack of something better to do.

Chan pats the grass next to him, and Hyunjin scrambles to take a seat, taking a worried breath in the process. They sit there in silence, save for a passing breeze, for a long, drawn-out moment. It hasn’t been this awkward between them ever, and that’s how Chan knows something’s up. Besides the fact that Hyunjin just accidentally said it.

“You weren’t supposed to know.”, Hyunjin whispers meekly, breaking the silence. He’s always boisterous and dramatic. This meekness worries Chan more than it angers him. He itches to interrogate Hyunjin as much as possible, but he knows he’s not going to get answers out of him like that. Hyunjin will just shut down more.

“I won’t be mad.”, the older says instead. He finally takes a look at the younger, who meets his strong gaze with a worried one. “But I do need to know what’s going on.”

Hyunjin fidgets again. Chan’s pretty sure he can get him to crumble, and tell him what he wants.

“I- I can’t tell you.”

“Oh, but you can-”, Chan says, taking Hyunjin’s hands in one of his and cupping his cheek in the other, squeezing a little. “-and you will, won’t you? I need to know. For everyone’s happiness. Let me be your leader, Hyunjin. Your guide. I’m here to help you.”

Hyunjin glances down at his hands. “You won’t be mad or break up with me or anything?”

Chan nods reassuringly, his eyes filled with warmth.

Hyunjin takes a breath. This is uncomfortable, but it has to be done. They both know that. “When I was in New York, I needed an escape. Something I could forget about my problems with. Painting wasn’t cutting it.” He shakes a little, and his boyfriend wraps his strong arms around him. “I went to a bar. Met this really nice guy named Jay, and-”

Hyunjin cuts himself off with a shake of his head.

“And what?”, Chan presses, in the most gentle voice he can muster.

“And… and…”, the younger stammers. “It’s hard to say… but he… kissed me. I kissed him back. Before it could go further, I had to stop.” He says the last of it so quietly that Chan almost misses it. At this point, tears had sprung into Hyunjin’s eyes.

“I’m sorry!”, he blubbers helplessly. “I should’ve asked first. I fucked up. Badly. ” He looks up into Chan’s eyes. “Please don’t break up with me! Don’t expel me from my loves! I still love all of you!” He’s so desperate that by the end of the sentence, he’s basically wailing, gasping for air, and holding onto Chan's shirt for dear life. The older holds him, rubbing his back while he sobs. He takes a moment to process before he speaks.

“You did fuck up.”, he states plainly. “I’m not denying that. But there was also no way for you to get our consent, and if, well, you needed some outlet, I respect that.” Chan smiles. “I’d never break up with you for something like this. Those were hard times without you all. Even I could barely handle it.”

Hyunjin looks up from his sobbing, which has slowed down, though there is a noticeable wet spot on Chan’s chest. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I may or may not have fainted in a coffee shop for lack of sleep, food, and water.”, Chan states with a shrug.

“Channie Hyung!”, Hyunjin yells, slapping his chest lightly, tears momentarily forgotten. “You need to eat! And sleep! And drink water!”

Chan chuckles. “This right here is why I’m not mad. I know you still love all of us. You’re still faithful.”

“So you won’t break up with me?”, Hyunjin asks a little uselessly, because Chan's already answered that.

“No.”, Chan says. “But there’s something I want you to do for me. If you aren’t comfortable with it, that’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you. But I would like you to tell everyone when we’re all back together. I think they deserve to know. Do you agree?”

Hyunjin pulls back from Chan’s chest to look in his eyes, and nods slowly, as if considering. “You’re right, Hyung. I’ll do it. I want all of them to know and forgive me too. I just... need some time.”

Chan smiles. “I love you.” He plants a kiss on Hyunjin’s lips.

“Love you too.”, the younger responds, when they pull away from each other.

“Now come on”, says Chan, standing up, “Let’s go check on the others.” He stretches out a hand for Hyunjin to take. With a reassuring smile, he does.

“Yeah. Let’s.”

----

“Here”, Felix’s mother says, handing Chan a torn-up, crumpled, piece of paper. He eyes it, while everyone else crowds behind him to see what it is.

“What is this?”, he asks nobody in particular, while unfolding it. It’s ripped and torn, but some of the writing is still legible.

“When Lix was sent to us, we were sent a list of where your other boyfriends were.”, Olivia explains, a little solemn. “They told us we needed to know in order to be sure that Lix couldn’t contact anyone. PDnim framed it as a sort of… protection or something.”

When Chan opens it up, the only people listed are the Maknae line. There’s nothing about the whereabouts of Minho. Jisung’s expression visibly saddens. Hyunjin gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“It’s ripped because I didn’t think I was gonna need it.”, Felix’s mother says. “I thought it was junk mail. Then I saw what it really was… and I salvaged what I could.” She glances at Jisung. “I’m sorry not everyone is listed.”

He attempts a bright smile, but it falls spectacularly flat. “I understand. This is more than enough. Thank you for doing even this for us.”

She smiles back, but it also doesn’t quite meet her eyes.

Chan glances from the exchange back to the paper. In crumpled, difficult-to-read writing, it says:
Seungmin- Jakarta
Jeongin- Rio De Janeiro

“This is perfect.”, Chan says. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Lee.”

The old woman nods. Chan turns to Felix.

“Do you want to go with us Lix, or stay home-?”

He watches in horror as Felix’s eyes prick with tears and he clutches onto Changbin (the closest person to him). The separation anxiety is clearly not doing him well.

“No!”, he cries desperately. “Don’t leave me again!” He knows the tears are streaming down his face again, and his emotions are hopelessly unstable. From Chan’s perspective, it almost looks like he’d rather die than have his boyfriends leave him again. Clearly, he has a lot to work on. Chan’s willing to do it with him.

“We won’t leave you again, baby.”, Changbin says, rubbing the man’s back, as he koala-clings to him.

They spend the night again at Felix’s home, cuddling in Felix's bed, getting a little fruity because Felix's been under quite a dry spell lately. After a sweet goodbye to Felix’s family, they take the next bus to the airport.

They sit in the airport together, swapping tickets. They’ve come up with a plan:

Half the group will go get the Maknae. The other half will go get Seungmin. They’ll meet back up in Seoul, at Hyunjin’s mother’s house. Simple.

It’s agreed that Chan and Changbin will go with Felix to Rio to get Jeongin. That way, they can effectively watch over Felix and monitor his moods. Meanwhile, Hyunjin and Jisung will go get Seungmin.

“We’ll be back. You don’t need to worry, Lixie.”, Jisung says, almost exasperatedly. Felix is clinging to him and Hyunjin for dear life.

“I know. I’m just-”, Felix doesn’t finish, just grips a little tighter.

“I get it. I miss Minho so bad.”, his sunshine twin says. Chan looks over and almost says we all do, but stops himself. It’s not the same thing. He sweeps his gaze over his boyfriends.

Changbin sits there, his foot endlessly bouncing, and his fingers endlessly fidgeting.

Hyunjin’s pouting angrily, impatiently waiting for the plane to arrive.

Jisung’s eyes are nervous, but he seems to be the only one of them who isn’t acting weird. But it’s not like anyone can really read his thoughts.

As for Chan himself, his stomach is growling, but he ignores it. And he is fully aware that he isn’t going to sleep for the next few days.

Chan looks around, and the realization hits him that Felix isn’t the only one who’s got something to work on. They’re all a little beaten up, shaken by the separation. It seems to get better on the surface every passing day, but who knows how deep the pain runs. Chan’s not sure how to even start approaching the issue. He hopes that by at least being together, some of the issues can be resolved at least a little.

Chan, Changbin, and Felix wish Hyunjin and Jisung goodbye and board their plane.

“Are you okay leaving them behind for now, baby?”, Changbin asks as they take their seats in first class. They opted for a simple passenger plane instead of a private jet. Yes, it’s less roomy, and yes it’s a longer flight, but it’s also less suspicious. Chan knows how important secrecy is right now, especially with social media.

Felix nods, nuzzling into Chan’s chest, while Changbin rubs his back. The middle fixes his glasses and his mask, and smiles.

The flight attendant passes by, asking what drinks they liked. Chan secretly thanks Changbin for learning his English, as he politely tells her no. The eldest has more pressing matters like his boyfriend peacefully curled up on his chest, arm in his iron grip.

There’s a long silence, as the plane takes off, and a long stretch more afterward. A long hour of silence. Chan and Changbin look at each other, holding each other’s hands, but in the middle is the most important. Felix is sound asleep, sleeping so hard that Chan would swear he hadn’t slept in days.

Chan’s just about to doze off when Changbin’s voice pierces through the silence.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?”, whispers the younger.

Chan looks down at the sleeping figure. He nods. “He just needs time, you know?”

“Can I be honest, Hyung?”

Changbin looks so sincere when he gazes into the elder’s eyes, it melts Chan a little. He nods.

“I’m really scared.” He pointedly looks down at Felix. “He’s- God, I don’t even know how to explain it… he just- is so different. I feel like I need to save him. From what, I'm- I'm not entirely sure.”

Chan blinks at him for a second, before nodding. “I get it. I’m worried for him.”

“No, but, Hyung… I have no idea why…. I know it’s not my fault, but… for some reason, I feel like it’s my fault. I- I should have been there for him… or something.” Before Chan can open his mouth to protest, Changbin continues his rambling. “And I know that’s stupid. I couldn’t- we couldn’t have done anything but… God, I feel awful for him. Felix is like this. I can’t sit still. You don’t eat or sleep. Hyunjin’s got his mood swings. We still have no clue where Minho is.” At this point, he’s becoming desperate and choking up. “I- I’m sorry for dumping that on you, I just-”

Chan silences him with a light finger to his lips. “Don’t apologize for anything. Your worries are important to me, okay? Please don’t say sorry.” Changbin nods bashfully, and Chan continues. “Honestly? I’m terrified. I know we’ll get through this, but… I don’t know. It’s not going to be easy.” He takes a breath. “And somehow I feel like I’ll have the responsibility of taking care of everyone. But in my state, I don’t know how well I can.”

“Chan Hyung, respectfully, you’re an idiot.”

Chan blinks awkwardly for another moment. “Huh?” He knows the younger is normally brazen and stubborn- but he’s never outright said anything like that to Chan’s face. He’s got no filter after those few months, apparently. He has half a mind to wonder how Seokwoo was able to deal with it. But he brushes the thought away.

“You’re not going to do this all by yourself, dumbass. We’ll find everyone.”, Changbin scolds lightheartedly, though there is a tint of seriousness in his voice. “We are all going to shoulder this burden together. You aren’t alone anymore. You need to know that.”

Chan nods, smiling at the younger. The light in his eyes is shining, and it gives the leader a glimmer of hope that yes, they can get through this.

Chapter Text

Jeongin’s not entirely sure if he’s doing well or not.

Yes, he’s alive, fed, and living in one of the most traveled-to and lovely destinations on Earth.

But he can’t truly say he’s happy.

Because he just isn’t.

He can find things to do to pass the time. He usually just lays in bed and scrolls through YouTube, though.

Because what point is there?

Ever since Ateez left to continue their world tour, Jeongin’s been truly alone.

He’s decided that today is going to be different. Instead of lying in bed, he’ll lie on the couch. A change of scenery, maybe.

As he lies there, memories of hanging out recently with the Ateez guys flash through his head.

Wooyoung and San took him out for Feijoada, a traditional stew in Brazil, a black bean and pork stew. It was so delicious, and Jeongin had really enjoyed his time with the two elder men.

Another time, Yunho had excitedly invited him to check out a bookstore close to his apartment. He’d gone with him and Hongjoong and found a few English books that he thought might help with his practice. It couldn’t hurt to practice his English, he figured. Hongjoong even said that he could call him and they could work on it together. Jeongin gratefully accepted the offer, though he knew full well the only ones he’d want to learn English with were Chan and Felix.

He remembers one day, the day before the group had left for Colombia. He’d been sitting in the hotel room where he started, where they first comforted him. That was months ago, but he tries to still keep in contact to this day.

Jeongin was sitting on the bed, watching as Seonghwa and Hongjoong bustled around, packing their things. He was pretty sure his facial expression was giving away his disappointment in their leaving him. It’s almost as if everyone leaves him. His boyfriends, then them. There’s no end, his brain tells him.

Seonghwa must have caught on to that look, call it his motherly instinct because he turned from his packing. “What’s wrong, Jeongin-ah?”

Not wanting to cry in front of them again, (he doesn’t want to look like that much of a pathetic loser), he shook his head and plastered on a smile.

“Are you guys excited to go to Colombia? I’ve heard it’s nice there.”, he said instead. Hongjoong leveled him with a flat look. He was evading the question, and it was clear.

“Well yes, but that wasn’t the question.”

Jeongin sighed. Nothing seemed to get past Hongjoong.

“Okay, fine. I’m sad that I’m going to be left behind again.”, he blurted honestly and outright, surprising even himself.

“That’s totally fair”, Seonghwa said, sitting down on the bed next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “We understand. Believe me, if I didn’t have to leave you, I wouldn’t. I want to stay here and support you.”

Hongjoong nodded and sat down on his other side.

Jeongin sighed but smiled. Their words seemed to have brightened up his mood. “Thanks, guys. I’ll miss you. Once we all are in Korea again, we have to find a time to hang out, yeah?”

They both smiled widely. “Absolutely.”

Hongjoong got back up to continue packing, but Seonghwa stayed, letting Jeongin revel in his warmth for a while longer before they left again.

It’s so hot today in the tropics of Rio de Janeiro, and Jeongin decides that he’s bored. It’s been a few days since his couch-laying, thinking far harder than he needs to. He’s been doing a lot of that lately, but it’s boring. Laying in bed all day on “vacation” is boring. This city, which he’s seen most of by now, is boring. He misses the temperate climate of Korea. He longs for snow after weeks of pure, sweltering heat.

So how, on God’s green Earth, did Jeongin decide it was a good idea to take a hike? In this weather?
Nevertheless, he finds himself at the bottom of a small mountain, the Trailhead, known as the Porto Trilha to the locals. It runs alongside the city, until the end, which gives a nice view of the airport runway and the airplane gates. One could see as people exited through the gates and into the airport, it was so close.

Jeongin was prepared, his backpack stuffed a little too full. Perhaps he was a little too prepared. He supposes that he got that from Chan.

The first half of the hike goes well. To Jeongin’s right, the view of the beaches, quite empty today as everyone is at work, with the turquoise expanse of the Southern Atlantic Ocean glimmering in the sun, is spectacular. Many times, he stops to take photos of the views.

To his left, is the city, and up ahead, the airport will be on his left.

At times as well, he has to stop. His vision blurs on and off. It throws him off balance, to the point where the people passing by have to stop to ask if he’s alright. He’ll have to get some glasses for his vision problems eventually.

Once, as he’s walking, his head starts to throb, like a knife cutting through his brain. There’s been a lot of those this month. He’ll be doing simple tasks, and, just like that, he’ll suddenly get a terrible headache. He’ll drink some water and relax for a few minutes, and it’ll go away. He doesn’t know why or how it’s happening. He’ll have to go get that checked with a doctor soon. Eventually, he tells himself.

He stops, drinks some water, and sits on the ground for a minute.

Then, he gets up and walks on as if nothing had happened.

The trees and bushes and thickets line the dirt pathway, but they do block out the sun. Birds chirp and cry from the trees, and Jeongin’s pretty sure some lizards scamper by. Insects fly about, but there are so many butterflies and dragonflies, and he can’t help but love watching them flutter by.

Up ahead, there is a clearing, shining in the sun. Jeongin knows from his research that that’s the area where you can see the airport gates clearly. He’s hiked about two miles, which, if he wasn’t in bed all the time, would be easy. But he hasn’t exercised hard, at least like he previously did, so he’s quite hungry and out of breath by the end.

That leads to him plopping down on a bench to people-watch, a surprisingly satisfying pastime. He observes as a plane lands on the tarmac, and people board off of it a little over ten minutes later. He has half a mind to think about how fast, at least for an airplane, that is.

He absent-mindedly eats his rice bowl, savoring the flavors he’s missed, silently thanking his manager for making him a delicious bowl with Korean flavors. He’s been eating Brazilian food for the past months, which tastes good, but is so unlike what Jeongin’s used to.

After a while, he hears the telltale sound of a plane descending. Jeongin looks up, seeing a plane splitting through a cloud. It hits the runway, slamming down, once, twice, and three times. It slows to a relaxed glide over the tarmac, and pulls itself into a gate. People begin to walk offboard, into the gate.

Jeongin watches the people walk off, his eyes drooping. He decides quickly that he’s tired, and he should leave to go to sleep. But then, three people walk off the plane.

He can’t put his finger on it, but he feels a pull, something drawing him to the airport. Those bodies… he feels like he knows them so well: the curves, the outline, it all feels so familiar. He can’t explain it, but… the moment he sees those people, everything changes.

Jeongin finds himself in the airport.

He’s helplessly panting, his heart rate skyrocketing at the fact that he just ran from the end of the hiking trail all the way to the airport terminals. 3 and a half miles in sweltering weather seem to not be kind to him. He's a sweaty mess.

His legs want to give out so bad, but he can’t stop. He’s come so far. He desperately looks for any sign of the people from earlier, or else why the hell would he have done this? Even on impulse, it feels like he’s doing something right. He has no fucking clue what that could be, but he’s going to do it.

He manages to find the board where all the flights coming in and going out of Rio are. He searches, but there aren’t any flights from Korea today. He frowns, a little dejected. This airport is huge, and he has no idea what he’s looking for. He accepts his fate and moves on, deciding to just wander for the time being to see what he’ll find. It’s something. He has a feeling his lovingly titled maknae senses will feel it.

Jeongin wanders towards the food court, his stomach rumbling despite eating only an hour ago. He supposes that’s the miles he ran.

He looks around for something he can eat when he spots them. The people from earlier.

They’re standing in line to get into some steak and burger restaurant.

Jeongin halts in his tracks, eyeing the three men curiously. They’re talking, laughing together about something, a hopeful energy to them. He’s not standing too far away, but far enough that since their backs are turned to them, he can’t make out who they are.

One of them then yells that he’s hungry, in Korean, the familiar voice calling out, while the other two laugh loudly. Jeongin stops completely, frozen as if paralyzed. Shock is written all over his face. He knows that voice. And that laughter.

Then, the one on the left turns a little bit, and Jeongin notices how his eyes sparkle and freckles line his nose and cheeks like stars.

And then it hits him completely. Felix. They’re out in the open because it’s less likely that people will recognize them here.

He starts to move, feeling finally returning to his numb legs after a minute of standing shock-still. Then, the shortest turns to look at Felix. Changbin.

As much as Jeongin wants to cry tears of pure happiness, he’s cried enough lately. He’s just ecstatic. His eyes are full of joy and he has a giant grin on his face as he runs up to his Hyungs.

“Hyung!”

The three of them turn around to see who called out in Korean and see their maknae running full speed towards them. Felix, Changbin, and Chan all break out into joyful smiles. The eldest stretches out his arms to engulf the youngest in a hug that the other two grab onto. People in line watch them fondly, smiling. Luckily, it’s not their turn yet.

“We missed you so much, Iyen-ah.”, Changbin says, kissing his forehead, while Chan and Felix kiss both sides of his temples.

“I missed you all so much, too.”, Jeongin responds, burrowing himself into Chan’s chest. He wraps his arms around the youngest. No one cries; they’re all just so happy to see their maknae again. It feels at this point like they’re all out of tears to cry.

They’re enveloped in a tight hug when a loud rumbling noise startles them. Changbin blushes, but shrugs. “I did say I was hungry.”

They laugh, especially Jeongin, who’s so happy to have some normalcy.

The table they get at this steak restaurant in the Rio airport is surprisingly high-end. Jeongin watches Changbin’s elated expression when they deliver the food. He’s missed his Hyung so so much.

The burger they set in front of Changbin is huge- comical, even- but Jeongin just laughs as the elder tries (and fails) to put the entire thing in his mouth. Chan and Felix are struggling to breathe too, keeled over in laughter. But just as they’re enjoying themselves, laughing together and talking, Jeongin’s eyes flash blurry again, and a head-splitting headache comes through. It’s not like he’s surprised, after all, these come routinely for him nowadays. But it startles the other three, who immediately start worrying over their maknae.

“Are you alright?”, Chan asks, rubbing his back. Felix takes an ice cube from a cup of ice they’d ordered and sets it on Jeongin’s temple, rubbing the top of his head in the process. “This is a pressure point. It should relieve some of your aches.”

Jeongin has to refrain from telling him that it’s probably him that’s making his headaches go away.

It does work, though- his headache is gone in a matter of minutes of his boyfriends cuddling him, rubbing his back, and holding ice to his head. That’s way faster than he could’ve done on his own.

“Are you alright?”, Chan asks, when Jeongin sits upright in the booth again.

He nods, vision coming back to what it usually is.

“That was random. What was that? Do you know?”, asks Felix worriedly.

Jeongin shrugs. “It’s been happening to me ever since I came here. My vision will suddenly-” he gestures with his hands like a disappearing trick- “just go poof! It’ll be all blurry, and my head will ache so bad. Then it'll go away. I really don’t understand.”

The others watch on in interest, occasionally nodding their heads, so invested in what Jeongin’s got to say. Their eyes sparkle, as if they agree with him, as if they have gone through the exact same experiences. He’s missed this… engagement, this way that his boyfriends make him feel as if he’s the most important person in the room whenever he speaks.

Speaking of which…

“Can I ask a question?”, Jeongin says smally, almost as if he shouldn’t even ask it. As if he’ll be shunned if he asks it. But he knows the others will always listen to him.

“Of course. Go on, baby.”, Changbin replies, ever the seducer, always calling his boyfriends pet names.

“Well, um, I just… you’ll think this is stupid…”

“Nonsense!”, Chan cries, baffled at the prospect that anything Jeongin could say would be stupid. It's loud enough to startle some other people in the restaurant. “Nothing you could ever ask would be stupid.”

Jeongin nods slowly, still not fully reassured, and he uneasily opens his mouth to speak again. Nothing comes out, and he smiles awkwardly, scratching his head.

“Innie.”, Felix declares sternly, more than he usually is. He can get protective if necessary, and Jeongin loves that about him. “If you aren’t comfortable saying it, you don’t have to.”

“I know, I know.”, Jeongin says. “I wanna say it. I guess it’s more my insecurities than anything else-”

“Just ask the question!”, Changbin cries, far too loudly for the public setting they’re in. He’s ever the impatient. He fidgets. Come to think of it, he’s been fidgeting and tapping his foot the entire time. "Where did our brash, no-nonsense maknae go?"

Chan frowns. “Let him say it, Binnie-”

“Are we still boyfriends?”, Jeongin blurts, interrupting the eldest. All three of the others immediately shut up, eyes wide as they stare at him. He clams up. “Oh um- I shouldn’t have said anything. God, I’m terrible, I'm sorry-”

Before he can continue degrading himself, Chan envelopes him in a tight hug.

“This would be really awkward if we weren’t boyfriends anymore.”, he chuckles, tears springing to his eyes.

“Three months can’t break us up. C’mon.”, Changbin says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “We are forever.”

“I know… I guess I’m just kinda insecure.”, Jeongin admits quietly. He picks at his hands, which Changbin immediately grabs and holds.

“Please don’t be!”, Felix exclaims, throwing his arms around a disgruntled Jeongin. “We won’t ever let you go ever again. Trust us.”

Chapter Text

The subway is far more crowded than usual. It pisses Seungmin off more than he’d like to admit. That’s partially also because he’s pissed about where he’s going.

Besides his rapidly growing weight loss issue, along with waking up every morning in a puddle of his own hot sweat, Seungmin’s vocal work has still not been going well. His manager has ordered him a vocal coach, he’s taking extensive lessons, and he’s drinking plenty of water. His voice should sound just fine. Yet every time he walks into the studio, he sees it’s not a 3Racha member directing him, and his voice sounds just… wrong to him. The producers do all they can to ensure him it sounds good, but if he can’t convince himself, he’ll record it over again. But it never sounds good to Seungmin. So they never get anything done.

After weeks of trying, his manager, fed up with his failure at work and struggle to keep his mental and physical issues under control, forced him to go to therapy.

He’s been seeing the same therapist once a week for about 6 weeks now. And Seungmin can say with certainty that it’s not doing anything. Once, he begged his manager to stop making him go to therapy. But the old man refused, hoping that the therapist would work some sort of magic on him. But she never did, and the younger man was pretty sure she never would.

Which leads to today: Seungmin on a subway through the busy Jakarta streets, heading to a building he’s never been to, and another therapist he’s never met before. Since the last one didn’t help him, Seungmin has little faith in this one.

The building the address is for isn’t a health building at all, rather, it’s a small house situated in the middle of a park. Trees line it, and somehow, the area puts Seungmin at ease. The house is white with wooden accents, reminding him of a cottage more than a public health building, and it's surrounded by greenery and a garden to the side.

He knocks on the door, as per the instructions sent to him by his manager. God, his manager. He couldn’t even take him to this appointment, the asshole. Seungmin would punch him if his job wasn’t on the line for everything he did.

“Good afternoon, sir.”

A voice snaps him out of his thoughts, but the lovely receptionist lady is speaking Indonesian. He’s picked up a little in his weeks here, but it still makes him feel completely clueless.

“Hello.”, he says back in the best Indonesian he can muster. He’s learned a thing or two on how to tell others he can’t speak the language, ironically. “Do you speak Korean? English?”

“Ah, yes, I do.”, the woman switches to perfect Korean and as much as he hates his manager, he thanks him for sending him to a Korean-speaking therapy business. “My name is Dita. Come in, come in.”

She leads him inside, which is even more homely than the outside. “I hope it’s alright. We usually hold our appointments in the living room.”

The home inside is lovely. Sofas are lining the cream-colored walls, and all kinds of colorful and landscape artworks are hung up. The rug under the sofas is colorful, but it doesn’t clash with the other colors of the room. Seungmin looks at it all, and chokes up a little. This is absolutely the kind of room Hyunjin would design. It makes him miss his Hyung more.

“Are you alright?”, Dita asks, surprising Seungmin at her watchfulness.

“Yeah. This… reminds me of someone I love.”

Much to his gratefulness, she doesn’t ask further.

“I understand. It’s nice here.” She begins walking down a hall to the right, to where Seungmin can only guess is the kitchen. “Can I get you something to eat and drink?”

Seungmin thanks her internally for going out of her way to make him feel welcome.

“Yes, some tea, please, and whatever food you have would be nice.”, he responds, trying to burden her as little as possible.

“Alright. I warn you however, we don’t have much left since the people who came before you had a big appetite.” She chuckles lightheartedly. “I’ll be back soon. Zayyan should be out soon, too. He’s taking care of some paperwork right now.”

Before Seungmin can ask who this “Zayyan” is, she darts into the kitchen, out of sight, leaving him alone, and standing awkwardly in the living room.

At a loss for what to do, he decides to ultimately take a seat on one of the couches and sing a little tune to himself, one that reminds him of his boyfriends. It’s a Day6 song, "I Smile", one that tells of love and longing, two emotions he’s feeling in spades right now.

“Your voice is beautiful.”

A man’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He stands over Seungmin, with a kind expression gracing his features. He holds a clipboard, but his body language gives no malice at all. It puts the older man at ease.

“Ah, thanks.”

“No problem. My name is Muhammad Fahri Zayyan. But I prefer to go by Zayyan. I will be your therapist this session.”, the man says, sitting on the sofa opposite Seungmin. He looks at him fondly, politely. It’s so unlike Seungmin, but he wants to pour his heart out to this man because he feels like he’d take it seriously and kindly.

“Good morning, sir.”, Seungmin says, bowing respectfully.

Zayyan rolls his eyes. “Really, Seungmin-shi, I am literally younger than you. You don’t have to be so polite.” He waves a hand towards him, and Seungmin bashfully scratches behind his ears.

“Okay, Zayyan-shi.” He chuckles awkwardly. “Sorry, I can’t fully drop the polite language.”

Zayyan laughs as well. “Alright then. Let’s get started.” He scans the clipboard, face scrunching up in concentration. Seungmin wonders what could be written on his board, and it makes him uneasy. He seems to forget that he’s sitting in the same room as a psychologist, and the therapist immediately glances up. “Are you nervous, Seungmin-shi?”

He nods.

“Well, I don’t want you to be, okay? I want us all to get along together.”, when Seungmin gives a confused look, he continues: “I’m here to help you, Seungmin-shi. If you’re scared of me, that means I’m not doing my job correctly. So if you need to take a breath or a break, feel free to do so.”

Seungmin nods, feeling much better about all this. “Thank you.”

Just then, Dita saunters into the room calmly, holding a tray of their different drinks. She sets Seungmin’s tea and Zayyan’s drink, which he’s pretty sure is an Americano with more milk and sugar than he’s ever seen. She also sets down a plate, stuffed with pastries, cakes, cookies, and brownies. He thanks her, and she walks away, bowing. Seungmin’s gaze falls on the brownies. He picks one up and takes a bite. It’s delicious, but nowhere near Felix’s brownies. He sighs, almost fondly, and eats the rest. The entire time, Zayyan is watching him intently, every twitch of his face, every bite of the dessert, but Seungmin doesn’t even notice as he reminisces on his freckled face boy.

The one thing that breaks him out of the fantasy is a crash from the kitchen.

“Sorry!”, Dita calls from the room. Seungmin hadn’t even noticed that the house was starting to smell of kimchi and sweet soy sauces. He sniffs the air, reveling in the delicious, and nostalgic smells.

After a moment, he turns his attention back to Zayyan, who is still staring at him up and down thoroughly, picking him apart from the inside with his eyes.

Seungmin stares at him, almost challenging his gaze.

“You reminisced on a loved one when you ate that brownie.”, the therapist says, a knowing smile adorning his face. “You miss them, because they’ve made better brownies than those before. Then, when you smelled the jjamppong in the kitchen, you got nostalgic, didn’t you?”

Seungmin sits there in dumbfounded silence. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

He nods. “Yeah… but…. How on Earth did you know?”

Zayyan chuckles, tapping his temple with his finger. “Intuition.” He pauses. “Also this is kinda my job.”

Seungmin busts out into giggles. The therapist’s trying to calm the atmosphere is working far more than he’d like to admit. His other therapist was always so serious, but Zayyan makes him feel relaxed and willing to tell the man anything.

“So”, Zayyan says coolly, leaning back into the couch he’s sitting on, adjusting his body to get comfortable. Seungmin still sits a little stiffly, hands in his lap, but he relaxed into the couch a bit. “I guess I should actually do my job.”

Seungmin chuckles again and nods.

“Tell me what’s up in your life.”

The man blinks awkwardly. Where does he even start? There’s so much to talk about.

Zayyan smiles warmly, as if reading his mind. “Start from the beginning.”

Seungmin nods and takes a long breath. “Well, I’m in a polycule with 7 boyfriends. I love all of them, of course, and we were an idol group in Korea. Our boss, though, he…”, he takes a second to regain his breath, “He separated us and cut contact with each other. He sent us to different parts of the world. I… I was sent here.” Another pause. “I-I started to quickly get some… um… problems, where I’d wake up with uncontrollable sweating and I just can’t seem to keep a stable weight. And I…” Tears well up in Seungmin’s eyes then, “I have no clue if my boyfriends are okay, if they’re still alive, or where they are…”

He desperately tries to keep the tears at bay, sniffling pathetically. Zayyan doesn’t say anything, but just watches Seungmin with a sad expression. He desperately wants to keep a collected face for this complete stranger. Once the tears stop a little, he speaks.

“I can’t help with the physical part…”, he says. “But I can at least give you a little advice, yeah?”

Seungmin nods, still a little teary. “Actually, before that…”, Zayyan says, calling Dita. “Can we get you some stuffed animals? To provide a little comfort?”

Seungmin, apparently nothing like his old, prideful self, nods.

Dita sashays out of the room again, and, in less than a minute, she’s back in the room, eight small stuffed animals in her arms.

She deposits them right next to Seungmin. He blinks awkwardly, glancing down at the animals. SKZOOs. He picks PuppyM up, the toy’s blank, yet adorable face staring back at him. Suddenly, his gut clenches, and the tears spill over. He begins to cry in earnest, sobbing. Dita and Zayyan recognize that Seungmin probably needs it.

In his cotton-stuffed ears, he distantly hears pathetically loud wailing and crying and belatedly realizes that it's him. Dita flies back into the room at the sound of the loud screaming but relaxes when he sees Seungmin bawling, clutching all of the SKZOOs as close to his chest as he can, suffocating them.

Dita sits down next to the shaking, snotty man holding stuffed animals, rubbing his back. He thinks for a moment about how pathetic this is, and it makes him sob harder.

Slowly, but surely, Seungmin comes to, the tears slowing.

Zayyan leans forward, Dita having left the room a while ago to get tissues and more tea.

“Look, Seungmin-shi. I know who you are. I know you’re a part of Stray Kids.”, he explains softly, as to not spook the emotional man. “You were really on edge. I figured this would help you relax a little. That being said, are you alright?”

By now, Seungmin has calmed down completely, sitting under a blanket with the SKZOOs sitting around him tightly. He nods but doesn’t say a word.

“Does it feel better to get your emotions out, Seungmin-shi?”, Zayyan presses in the most gentle manner. Seungmin nods again, clutching FoxINy and Bbokari in his arms while the other plushies sit around him in a circle. Like a nest almost.

“Alright. I believe that wraps this session up for today.”, Zayyan says, scribbling something onto his clipboard. “However, I don’t feel super comfortable sending you home in this current state. You currently need some companionship. I can tell you’re really lonely.”

Seungmin just blinks at him. “You can stay here with Dita and I. We all have our own bedrooms, and Dita can make dinner. We can enjoy each other’s company.”

Seungmin figures that he’s already let more emotion out in front of this guy than he has in the past month, and somehow, even though they met an hour or two ago, he feels at ease with Zayyan and Dita. Maybe there are people here he really can trust. So, he agrees to Zayyan's offer.

The jjamppong tastes incredible, the spicy flavors dancing on Seungmin’s tongue, as he, admittedly, slurps it down in the most unappealing fashion. Dita and Zayyan are staring at him, albeit fondly, and chuckle when he gets a little soup on his face.

“I’m sorry.”, he says dismissively, waving a hand. “I haven’t had Korean food in a while. I’m not that great of a chef.” He glances down at his bowl. “But this is amazing!” He continues to scarf down the bowl of soup.

Dita smiles. “Thank you. I try.” Zayyan looks over at her, smiling fondly.

The night comes fast to Seungmin, and only a few hours later, he’s lying on the couch, half-asleep. They’ve spent the evening together, watching Harry Potter movies, per Seungmin’s request- it reminds him of his boyfriends because they would watch these movies together all the time- and after the first movie, Seungmin’s eyes are drooping. He’s clutching PuppyM and Wolf Chan close to him, having switched who he was holding periodically throughout the film. He’s desperately trying not to lay his head down on the back of the couch. But once Zayyan realizes there’s no way he can stay here without falling asleep, he pauses the movie and turns to Seungmin.

“We should head to bed. It’s been a long, emotionally taxing day.”

Dita nods. She smiles, lending Seungmin a hand. He takes it, the other arm full of SKZOOs, as she leads him through the left hallway to the guest room. He distantly hears Zayyan wish him goodnight from the living room.

“This is yours.”, she says, opening the door for him. The room is simple, with only one painting on the wall over the desk, the bed right next to the window, and a dresser.

Seungmin waddles tiredly over to the bed, and before Dita can say another word, his head hits the pillow, and he’s fast asleep.

Weeks go on like this. At one point, Seungmin went to his manager begging him to let him stay with Dita and Zayyan.

"Why should I let you?", his manager had asked. "This is still for work, remember?"

"I understand. But I think this could help me a lot. We can still work.", he'd reasoned.

"Fine then. But I'll be here every day to pick you up for recording and writing.", his manager had told him. Seungmin was so happy.

One day, a month or two in, when they’re eating dinner, a question pops into Seungmin’s brain. It’s been stirring there for a while now.

“Is this normal?”

Zayyan looks up from his japchae and cocks his head in question, a silent urge for Seungmin to elaborate.

“Like, do you let people stay here with you?”

Dita and the therapist exchange glances.

“No.”, he says. “This is pretty unusual, but you’re… say, a special case, you know? We could tell you really needed help and some friendship. Someone to be around that would help anchor you, you know?”

Seungmin smiles so huge, bigger than he has in so long. “Thank you. Thank you both so much.”

“Speaking of which…”, Dita adds, hesitantly, as if she doesn’t know whether this would be an okay question to ask, “How long do you plan to live here in Indonesia? Surely you should at least go back to Korea for your family, or something, right?”

Seungmin frowns. “That’s the thing.”, he replies. “I have no idea. Our boss never told us. I could be here three months or three years. I wish I knew.” He pauses, tossing the words around on his tongue. “Sometimes the uncertainty scares me more than the separation. Will they forget about me? Will they realize they’re better off without me? What will I do then? Will I have anyone to actually go back to?”

Zayyan watches him with the most kind expression. “Your fears are totally valid, Seungmin. But I don’t think any of that is gonna happen. I’ve seen you guys. Even if you aren’t allowed to show it on camera, the love you have for one another is clear.”

Seungmin flushes, dipping his head down to focus on the food below him.

More weeks pass. By now, it’s been about three months since Seungmin moved in with Zayyan and Dita. His clothes fill out the dresser and closet, the desk is littered with his things. The only thing is that Seungmin is not allowed to be around when Zayyan’s got clients. Personal matters. Seungmin totally understands. He wouldn’t want strangers to be privy to his innermost feelings, either.

That’s how, one warm, yet cloudy day, he finds himself wandering the park with Dita. He knows there’s a lake and a bike trail somewhere around here, and he's got an itch to take a look around to see if he stumbles upon it.

Dita had assured that Zayyan could manage this client himself when she’d asked to tag along. There was no way Seungmin was going to say no.

She is smiling big and chatting away, talking to him about the area and the fun things there are to do in Jakarta.

Seungmin is grateful that she just seemed genuinely friendly, and isn’t at all trying to hit on him as most girls tended to try to do. He is famous, after all.

Seungmin glances down at her, simply happy to have the company as he stuffs his hands into his hoodie pockets and walks with her leading the way. After a while, the tree line breaks, leading to a small neighborhood in the middle of the city. It is surely off, everything else around are businesses, skyscrapers, and highways. But here, in the middle of Jakarta, stands a small neighborhood of houses lined up together.

The road isn’t very long until it stops and gives way to a larger avenue, leading downtown.

“This area is surprisingly safe.”, Dita informs with a huge smile. “People tend to be really nice in this neighborhood. It's one of the smallest neighborhoods in the city, but it's nice. Actually, I've met a bunch of the people here, and they're all sweet.”

Seungmin nods, and looks around the area. There is a coffee shop right after the tree line, and he offers to buy something for the both of them.

“I couldn’t!”, she exclaims back, pulling her black hair from her face.

“Nonsense. You’re a lady.”, he replies, as if it’s obvious. “Ladies mustn't pay, especially with me.”

Sensing his finality, Dita smiles bashfully. “Well, if you insist…”

They buy two americanos and are on their way down the street to explore more when a noise catches their attention.

It’s a loud knock on a door. Two men, who look to be around Seungmin’s age or older, stand there on the porch, waiting for the door to open. When it does and the shorter one starts talking, funny enough, loud enough to be heard across the narrow street, his heart drops.

“Hello ma’am.”, the man tells the old woman who steps out of the house, in a slightly unpracticed, broken Indonesian. Clearly, he'd tried to translate it with Google and then say it to the woman. “We’re looking for a man, about ye tall”, he gestures with his hands, “Light brown hair, light skin. Kinda looks like a puppy.”

The old woman blinks, glancing up. “Is that not him right there?”, she says in English, pointing directly at Seungmin across the street, behind the two men.

When the two turn, he breaks out into gasps. The woman smiles knowingly as the taller one, Hyunjin, Seungmin can see, bows to her in thanks. She steps back inside her house as Jisung and Hyunjin bound across the street, without looking, to grab Seungmin in a hug.

Before he can even think to scold them about their lack of awareness, Jisung starts completely bawling. “We thought we lost you! We couldn’t find you!” His snotty nose runs and it should be gross, but Seungmin can’t describe it as anything more than endearing. “You could've been anywhere! I was so scared!”

Hyunjin has managed to hold back the tears until now. One Seungmin tightens his grip on the two, he starts sobbing loudly as well.

The hug and tear fest feels like it lasts forever, but it only lasts a couple of minutes before Jisung and Hyunjin pull away to compose themselves, as they still have company.

“Jinnie, Sung”, Seungmin says, god how he’s missed those names on his tongue, “This is Dita. She's a friend of mine. She's helped me a lot over the few months.”

She smiles and waves. “Hyunjin and Han, I presume?”, she asks.

Jisung puts his hands on his hips. “Jisung will do. You’re a friend.”

She bows.

“And hey.”, he adds. “No need to bow.”

Seungmin decides to take the three of them back to the house, whether Zayyan is done or not. Turns out that, luckily, he is. He welcomes the two back, and blinks in surprise when Hyunjin and Jisung follow.

“Guys, this is Zayyan. He took me in… but technically he’s my therapist.”, Seungmin explains awkwardly. He bypasses the part of introductions because clearly, Zayyan already knows who they are. “I was having a hard time without you here. I had really bad weight loss and sweating. I mean, it’s not entirely gone… but yeah.”

Zayyan stands up and smiles. “Hey. Let’s get something to eat, yeah? Catch up?”

Jisung nods excitedly. “Please!”, he whines. “I could eat a village right now.”

They sit down at the table, stuffing their faces full of kimchi and spam kimbap. Jisung looks like a man starved, he eats so enthusiastically.

“We really haven’t eaten in a while.”, Hyunjin chuckles, watching Jisung. “We’ve been busy looking for you.”

“So much so that you didn’t eat?”, Seungmin asks in disbelief. He’s flattered, but he’d rather his boys be healthy. “That’s reckless, you guys.”

“By a while, I mean, like, a couple hours. Don’t worry.” He spares another glance to Jisung. “Well, usually I’m the dramatic one but I guess the tables have turned.”

Seungmin smiles. He’s missed the naturalness, the domesticity of his loves. They just fit together so naturally. He feels nothing but overwhelming joy right now, but he’s never really been good at showing his emotions.

“So how did you guys get here?”, Dita pipes up. Her and Zayyan have been sitting across the table from the boys. “And how did you find each other? I was under the impression that you weren’t in contact.”

Jisung stops eating and starts chatting. Seungmin’s surprised. Usually, it takes him a while to warm up to new people. But he takes a liking to Zayyan and Dita fast.

“It’s actually a long story.”, he says. “Super coincidental and stuff. Long story short, for now, we’ve found Chan and Changbin Hyungs, Felix, and now you. They are actually off right now in Rio to find Innie. The only one that we don’t know the whereabouts of is Minho Hyung.” He visibly deflates at that.

Seungmin nods. “Even that much makes me so happy.”

Zayyan smiles warmly, even as the other man sends him an apologetic look. Seungmin knows he’ll have to leave soon. But he’s not yet ready to say it.

Seungmin wakes up with a gasp, sweat soaking his clothing and pillow. His arms are still as thin as ever, and he takes a second to look down at his hands. They’re close to being skin and bone. He sighs, looking over at Jisung and Hyunjin. The eldest is sleeping soundly, but the younger has an eye open, staring at Seungmin.

He opens the other one, slowly sitting up, giving Seungmin a quick glance up and down. He feels his arms and torso in the darkness, eyes widening, alarmed by the wetness he feels there. In a silent question, he cocks his head. Seungmin looks down, shaking his head. He stands up. Jisung reaches out to him, but he stops him with a hand held up. Jisung seems to understand his need for space to think, and he rushes out of the room.

Seungmin finally checks his phone, which he’d grabbed off the nightstand in his hurry. The time reads 4:13 AM, but the lights are on in the house. He finds Zayyan in the living room, sipping tea and reading a book. He looks up.

“Good morning, Seungmin-shi.”, he whispers. “Care to take a seat?”

Seungmin hesitates. He did want his space to think, but then again, talking to Zayyan might be exactly what he needs. He sits down on the opposite couch.

“Morning, Zayyan.”

“What’s bothering you?”

Seungmin’s eyes widen. He’s prone to waking up with sweats, almost every day, and Zayyan knows that. But he could tell, just by his air, that Seungmin’s upset. He supposes he should never underestimate the therapist.

“I guess… I’m comfortable here.” It’s a lame explanation, but Seungmin can’t seem to organize his jumbled feelings into anything else.

Zayyan eyes him. “And? What do you mean by that?”

“I… I-”, he pauses. “I guess I’m just scared for the future. What if we can’t find Minho Hyung? What will our boss say once he finds out we’re gone? I just… I’m nervous. And… I’m gonna miss you.” He says that last part almost silently. What he doesn’t voice aloud is his fear of how his sweating and weight loss will continue in the future.

“Awww, Seungmin-shi, me too. You were a great roommate.”, Zayyan smiles, moving to the other couch, hugging him. The first time he’s ever touched him. It surprisingly puts him at ease. “And don’t worry, you know? You should be off with those who love you.

They’ve missed you, you’ve missed them, and that’s obvious.”

Seungmin smiles, thanking Zayyan, and getting back up. He’s nervous, yes, but he’s also elated to see the (almost) rest of his boyfriends. He decides to shove away his fears for now, because they don’t matter as he walks inside the room, and sees Hyunjin and Jisung staring at him.

“What’s wrong, Minnie?”, Hyunjin asks as Seungmin slides into bed and pulls the blanket over himself with a yawn.

“Just overthinking, you know? Also sweating.”

Jisung chuckles. “Yeah, I was worried about that. Side effect? Jinnie Hyung and I got ‘em too. You’re not alone.”

Even in the darkness, Seungmin can make out Jisung’s joyful heart-shaped smile, and it warms his heart more in that moment than anything else ever could.

Chapter Text

The knock on the door to their apartment startles Chan. He’d been sitting on their bed, mostly just staring off into space, while occasionally checking a stray email here or there, when Jisung poked his head through the crack in the door.

They’d come back to Korea and quickly went back to Chan’s apartment. It looked, felt, and smelled like him. Like home. Chan vividly remembers as they walked through the door, Jisung, Jeongin, and Hyunjin broke down in tears, declaring they were home again. Chan wishes he could relive that moment of pure joy over and over again.

“Hyung?”, Jisung says, walking into the room and putting his phone down onto the bedside table. He makes grabby hands at Chan, pouting a little. “I want cuddles. Can I have cuddles?”

Chan chuckles, opening his arms out to him, taking one of Jisung's hands and interlacing their fingers. “Of course.”

Jisung gets into bed, snuggling into Chan. He sets his head on his chest, holding Chan by the waist.

“What’s up with you? Usually, Felix’s the cuddler.”, Chan asks as he holds the younger closer to his body, lacing his fingers through his hair.

“I know. I’m- I’m just really happy.", Jisung replies. "I wanted attention.”

There is something he wasn’t saying, Chan could tell.

“Is this about Minho?”

Jisung responds with a small nod. “Isn’t it always?”, he asks meekly.

Chan chuckles, not saying anything, but just holding Jisung close to him as he puffs his cheeks. The eldest yawns. He’s still not sleeping well, but he stifles it for Jisung. He’s getting better, though, and he latches on that for hope. “I miss him, Hyung. So badly.”

“I know, Sungie, I know.”, he replies into the otherwise empty room. “But we’ll find him. We have to.”

Jisung nods into his chest. “I know we will. I’m just… there’s just a hole there, ya know?”, pointing to his heart. “There were some things… I was considering while we were away. I dunno. It was scary and I- I just don’t want to think about it. Now that I have you all back, it’s better, but I just… can’t talk about it yet.”

Chan doesn’t say anything, just looks down at him, holding him tighter. Jisung burrows into his chest, not unlike a quokka burrowing, and shuts his eyes.

Chan finds it so cute, wanting to squeeze his cheeks so badly. But he doesn’t want to wake the now sleeping young man, so he simply holds him and falls asleep with him as well.

He wakes up with Hyunjin opening the door. He looks at Jisung’s phone that was on the nightstand and notes the time is about 7 AM.

He has to get up and go to work soon. Partly because he wants to write some songs again, and partly because he doesn’t want to raise JYP’s suspicion.

Hyunjin walks in, followed by the three maknaes, holding a tray of food. It’s got tea, eggs, rice, and toast with jam. “Breakfast for our favorite leader!”, he sing-songs. Jisung stirs and groans, while Chan chuckles, taking the tray from Hyunjin.

“Thank you, love.”, the eldest says, smiling fondly.

“Well, since Minho isn’t here and you have to go back to work, we thought we’d bring you food!”, he exclaims.

“Aww, that’s sweet, guys. Thanks! Did you make this yourself?”, he asks, setting some eggs on the toast and stuffing a piece into his mouth.

“Um, no.”, Seungmin says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. “We bought it from the cafe down the street.”

Chan stops, blinking, but then bursts out into joyful laughter. Everyone else exchanges awkward looks but then starts laughing.

They laugh for a long time, smiling so happily, freely enjoying themselves. It has to come to an end, though, because eventually, Chan has to finish eating and head to work. He gets up, changes into some less pajama-looking clothing, and hurries to the entryway.

Felix, clingy as ever, refuses to let him walk out of the apartment. He holds him tightly when Chan attempts to put his coat on. The others try to help; Seungmin coos at him, telling him Chan will be back, Hyunjin offers to take Felix on a nice day trip to his favorite spots in Seoul, Changbin holds him lovingly, caressing him, trying to urge him to let go, but it all seems to be in vain.

“Lix.”, Chan says quietly, as soothingly as possible, rubbing the younger’s back from where he’s clinging to his arm. He lowers both of them to the ground, sitting down with him.

“What’s got you so clingy, baby?”, he asks him, still rubbing his back.

Felix has by this point started to cry. Everyone else has backed up, giving them their space to talk, but are still close enough to listen in to their conversation.

“I- I-”, he blubbers, holding in his sobs. “I’m scared.”

“Why, baby? Why are you scared?”, Chan asks quietly, pulling him closer, letting him cry into his chest.

“That- that’ll you’ll leave me again…”, Felix sniffles, his crying starting to slow down. He sniffles, but his tears have stopped by now. “I was so angry… I couldn’t control my emotions… I can’t let that happen again, Hyung. I can’t lose you guys again.” As he speaks, his words get quieter and quieter, until he’s almost whispering.

Chan suddenly remembers the talk he’d had with Felix’s parents. His “side effects” as called by the others. Felix’s anger issues and temper have mostly dissipated by now to simply clinginess and separation anxiety. But in the moment, Chan looks up at the others, who are all staring back at him. He looks down at Felix, cradled in his arms. It hits him at that moment: he never really took the time to consider everyone else’s side effects, too. He racks his brain to remember everyone’s.

Some of them, Changbin and Seungmin, unsurprisingly, have overcome their side effects quite well. Changbin’s agitation, by now, has mostly gone away, so he’s able to sit still for more than a minute, and Seungmin, who is still quite thin from the weight loss, seems to be doing better. For one, he hasn’t been waking up with sweats as often. Those two calm Chan’s nerves, but the others bring them right back, it seems.

There are two that Chan’s worried about, and two that he’s really worried about.

Jeongin, while they’re lessening, still has fits where his vision goes blurry, but he seems to be thriving again with his boyfriends. Hyunjin, as well, is doing much better, his mood swings are much more manageable. But Chan’s pretty sure the guilt of kissing another man is still sitting with him. A few times, he’s caught him in random corners of the house, crying into his arms, wrapped in a ball. He refuses to talk to the others, assuring Chan that he’ll be okay, and when everyone, including Minho, is back together, he’ll tell them. Chan worries, but he’s not Hyunjin, and he knows the younger will make good on that promise when he’s ready. He doesn’t want to push him into anything he’s uncomfortable with. Besides, he has two boyfriends to worry more about, and it’s his usually sunshiny twins.

Felix, meanwhile, has this fear of being separated, especially from his leader, and Jisung is suffering from something hard to see but once Chan noticed, he couldn’t unsee it. Jisung, despite his facade of happiness and peace of mind, but there’s more underneath. Chan notices more and more, that the longer Jisung is without Minho, the more the positivity fades from his eyes and is replaced with just emptiness. He knows there’s something else he’s hiding, though, something he isn’t telling everyone. He wonders if there’s more that happened while he was in Anchorage. He can’t be sure, but it worries the life out of him.

But right now, his focus is on his Felix, in his arms, shivering from the last of his sobs.

“You won’t lose us again. We’re here now. We won’t ever be separated again.”, Chan says, caressing Felix’s cheeks. He glances up at the others, who are still watching intensely. “But you have to let me go, okay? I have to go to work, love.”

Felix shakes his head frantically. “No, no, you don’t have to work. You can’t go.”

“I have to, baby.”, Chan says, a little more sternly this time. He peels the younger off of his arm, gently letting him sit on the floor while the eldest stands up. Felix sighs, giving up by now, slumping into a heap on the ground. “I’m sorry. I know you have to leave. Just… just right when you get done, come right back.” He softens from his strict tone. “Please.”

Chan smiles, nodding. “Of course, baby.”

“But there’s something I want to give you before you go.”, Felix says, pulling a small piece of paper out of his back pocket. He hands the folded paper to Chan from the floor, before turning to the others expectantly as if ignoring Chan completely to have the rest of them pamper him.

“We’ll take care of you, okay?”, Changbin says, kneeling next to Felix. “We can go on a date, just the six of us.”

As Chan closes the door, a little confused, he can hear Felix’s words in response. “It’s not the same, though, is it?”

Chan drops his bags in the studio, sitting back down in the seat he hasn’t sat in for days. He remembers the last time he was here, he had sleeping problems and had to go to the doctor for collapsing in the coffee shop down the street. He opens his laptop and begins to work on his producing duties.

A few hours roll by, and by the time Chan finishes his songs, his stomach is rumbling for lunch. He decides to head into the cafeteria for food. Before he leaves, though, he takes a look at that paper again. He picks it up, inspecting it curiously.

It’s simple, just white. He opens it up, taking a look at the note. It’s one from JYP, and he skims it, but there’s a weird note on the bottom, telling him to look at it under a black light. Luckily, he has one for “atmosphere” in the studio, and slides his chair over to the lamp. He sets the note down and reads the print:

Hey Lix,
This is Audrey, Joong Ki, Seunghyuk, and Mr. Yeon. We wanted to wish you well. But we also wanted to let you know that we’re here for you. We’re doing everything we can to try and find you guys and bring you all back together. But it’s been hard. Sajangnim’s pretty secretive. But just know, we’re trying. Don’t give up, okay? Keep hope. We all know that not even PDnim can keep you guys apart.
We believe in you. We love you.
Love, Your JYP staff

Chan blinks. He’d had no idea that he had allies here, but it makes him feel a little more secure. He slides the note into his back pocket and heads out of the studio and down into the cafeteria.

“Chan Oppa!”, he hears a female voice call out. “Hi!”

Chan turns around to see Lily. His stomach turns in a bit of humiliation, as the last time she’s seen him, he was crying into her shirt, despite being five years older than her.

“Hey, Lils. How ya going?”, he asks cheerfully in English, smiling down at her.

“Where’ve you been?”, Lily asks, “I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“I’ve been on a small vacation. I’m pretty sure I just needed a refresher from work.”, he replies, withholding as much information as he can because he is in public at his job. No one can know that the boys are back together, lest they tell JYP.

“That’s great, Oppa! I’m so happy to see you smile again. You seemed to be in a bit of a slump then. I’m so happy for you!”, she smiles. “I just wanted to say hi, though. Haewon wanted us to go meet up with her for a small group meeting, so I gotta let you go.” She waves at him with her tray in hand, and heads in the opposite direction, to the group. Chan’s so happy to see her again, and that she is thriving. It makes his “Dad” instinct preen happily.

He picks up a tray and starts loading it with food, something the Chan of a week ago would’ve been disgusted at. He leaves the buffet with a tray full of a good amount of food and goes to sit down. He begins eating again when another voice calls out to him. He’s not surprised- he’s pretty popular- but when he turns to look, he sees three people, and he starts beaming.

The first person his eyes land on is his old producer, Choi Seunghyuk. “Hello, Sunbaenim!”, Chan says happily. Seunghyuk sits down next to him smiling. Mr. Yeon follows, then Audrey.

“Joong Ki would’ve been here, but Xdinary Heroes are currently on tour.”, Audrey explains.

“Joong Ki? As in our old manager? Man, I haven’t seen him in forever.”, Chan replies. He’s not lying, when he was working for those months, he didn’t get out much. He didn’t want to see people; he just wanted to wallow in his sadness. “I miss him.”

“Well, next time he comes around, we’ll let him know you’re back. He wanted to say goodbye before you left, but no one really knew you were gone.”, Seunghyuk mentions.

Chan scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah. I needed a few days off.” He pauses. “Hey, can us four talk in my studio after lunch? I want you guys to look at some new songs of mine.”

The others exchange confused looks for a moment- after all, that’s not their job- but they nod anyway, unable to say no to Chan.

They eat the rest of their lunch in content silence. Chan’s happy to have his work friends around him again.

The four people enter the studio, while Chan checks the hallway before locking the door. He’s aware that the room is soundproof, but it’s better to be careful.

Mr. Yeon, Audrey, and Seunghyuk eye him curiously, partly in confusion and partly in intrigue.

Chan walks back over to the desk and picks up the folded piece of paper. He sets it in Mr. Yeon’s hand, and he opens it for the others to see. They immediately recognize the note.

“We sent this to Felix. How did you get it?”, Seunghyuk asks.

Chan sighs. “It’s a long story. But everyone but Minho has been found. They’re currently living in my apartment.”

“How on Earth did you manage that?”, Mr. Yeon asks. “I remember we only gave you Changbin’s whereabouts.”

“You did. I remember that.”, Chan says. He chuckles. “Actually, it wasn’t me who found anyone first. Hyunjin and Jisung found each other in the United States, and then traveled back here. They broke into JYP to find me.”

“They did what?”, Audrey exclaims in disbelief, blinking her eyes.

“Yeah. They broke into JYP in disguises and found me in the studio.”

“I’m surprised no one recognized them.”, Seunghyuk says.

Chan smiles proudly. “Yeah. Hyunjin’s really good with clothing.”

“So then what?”, the woman asks, intrigued by the story.

“You guys told me where Changbin was, so we headed there to find him, We did. Then, we had to figure out where the others were. I had the idea that maybe Felix’s family would know, or maybe he was there. So we went there. And we found him. Felix’s parents had an info packet that they accidentally ripped up, and it told us where the maknaes were. We split up and brought each one back.”

“Wow. That’s actually quite impressive.”, Mr. Yeon says. “Sajangnim really can’t keep you guys apart, can they?”

“No, guess not.”, Chan chuckles. “But we have yet to find Minho.” He pauses, frowning. “I can tell it’s a problem. It’s taking a toll on me and everyone else. We need our…”, he giggles again, “mom, I suppose. But it’s really having an effect on Jisung.”

The others nod.

“I get it. He was always close with Minho, if I remember.”, Audrey says, putting a finger on her chin, thinking. She’d done a lot of their makeup before, and Minho and Jisung were- and still are- always all over each other. She’d had to observe it at least a couple times.

“Well, Sajangnim, stupidly enough”, Mr. Yeon chuckles darkly, “told us where everyone went."

"Not his smartest decision.", Audrey laughs.

"Minho’s living in Tokyo currently.”

“Thank you so much.”, Chan says, holding out his hand to shake the older man’s hand in pure happiness. Mr. Yeon smiles big, moving Chan’s hand out of the way, and enveloping the younger man in a hug. Chan’s eyes well up, smiling goofily.

“But… why are you helping me? I thought… I mean, I read the note, but…”, Chan can’t even finish, he’s so teary.

“Because we love you, Channie.”, Audrey says, joining the hug by putting her arms around the both of them. “And we want to see you happy.” She smirks, and says quieter, “And Seunghyuk-shi wanted his job back.”

“Yah!”, Seunghyuk yells, but it doesn’t have much bite behind it. “She is right though. You’re my favorite producing buddy.”, he adds, quieter.

“Aww, thanks, Hyung!”, Chan exclaims, a hint of amusement in his voice, as if teasing the elder. He smiles. They both know his teasing comes from love.

The hug dissipates, and Chan is smiling so hard, it might fall off his face.

“Tokyo.”, he repeats, just to make sure he doesn’t forget. He can’t wait to tell Jisung. The younger is going to be over the moon. The only thing that worries Chan is the size of the city. It’s the largest city in the world by population, almost 40 million people deep. Chan has no clue how he’ll be able to find Minho. Then, an idea pops into his head.

“We should check JYP Japan.”, Chan says aloud, making the others look at him.

“For Minho-yah?”, Audrey asks, a little uselessly.

“That’s not a good idea.”, Seunghyuk says sternly. “You guys could get caught. Sajangnim flies back and forth all the time between the Korean and Japanese headquarters. He’s gonna be suspicious if you show up there. And so will everyone else.”

There’s an air of concerned silence. Suddenly, Mr. Yeon steps forward from the group.

“I’ll take you guys.”, he simply states.

Chan blinks at him. “Huh?”

“If you go with me, everyone’s likely to be less suspicious.”, Mr. Yeon says. "It'll look like a business trip of sorts."

Chan starts nodding. “Alright. Sounds like a good idea. I’ll book tickets tonight, we leave tomorrow. I’ll send you details.”

“Wait..”, Audrey interjects. “What about Sajangnim? He’ll be suspicious if he knows you’re gone again. We need to distract him so he’ll stay here. Or perhaps…”

“What, Audrey?”, says Seunghyuk, with a little hint of desperation for an idea.

“Here’s my idea.”, she says, pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil.

Chapter Text

Chan returns to work and is only a few hours in when he gets an email. Seems Audrey’s idea worked, because his email reads:

Hello employees of JYP Nation. J.Y. Park Sajangnim will be flying to and staying in California, United States to work with the group VCHA in their home country and speak to American investors for the company. He will be there for two days, then will return to South Korea. Should you need to get ahold of him, send an email to Secretary Na Bi Hyeok, his assistant while there, or wait until his return. Thank you!

Audrey had worked her magic, and JYP was out of his and Mr. Yeon’s way for the next two days. But that means they only have so long to find Minho, which scares him a little, but he should be easy to find if they know where to look. That was the whole point of Audrey's plan, wasn't it? Before Chan leaves the office for the day, he buys his tickets to fly tomorrow, only for him, Jisung, and Mr. Yeon, to save money, and tells him to meet him at the apartment a few hours before departure.

He excitedly exits the building. He suspects Felix’s missing him, and he can’t wait any longer to tell Jisung the news.

He opens the door of the apartment to find Felix, wrapped in a blanket, Hyunjin, Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin flanking him. Jisung’s in the kitchen cooking some sort of grilled meat, and it’s making the house smell delicious. He suspects he's making ssams.

The moment Felix lays eyes on Chan, he throws off the blanket, hitting Changbin ungracefully in the face, and hurries over to hug him. Chan doesn’t say anything; he just holds him.

“Hello, love.”, he says, rubbing the younger one’s back.

“Hi, Hyung.”, Seungmin says, walking up and placing a hand on Chan's shoulder. “Good day at work?”

“Absolutely.”, Chan says, smiling. “I’ve got some good news.” He sits down on the couch with the others, while Jisung comes from the kitchen and stands a little ways away. He explains what happened. He specifically avoids the news about going to Japan until the end to surprise Jisung.

“Actually, Sung, you and I are going to Japan tomorrow with Mr. Yeon.”, Chan says.

“Tomorrow? Japan? Why?”, Jisung asks, tilting his head like Minho does.

Chan bites his lip excitedly. “We’re getting Minho back.”, he says, so happily, and growing even happier when Jisung’s eyes widen.

“Minho?”

Chan nods at Jisung’s cuteness, his voice conveying that he doesn’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “Yep! Minho. He’s apparently living in Tokyo.”

Jisung pauses, but then he breaks out into a beaming smile, brighter than a summer’s day. He runs at him and leaps into the eldest’s arms, laying excited butterfly kisses all over his face.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”, Jisung exclaims hugging Chan and inviting everyone into a cuddle heap. They happily join, and they lay there for a long time before he has to rush into the kitchen to get the forgotten, burning meat.

Mr. Yeon shows up at their apartment the next day a while before they have to head for the airport. Jisung couldn’t be any happier to see him, in his old glory and with a mini suitcase tied to his hand.

Seungmin welcomes the man in, while Chan and Jisung walk out from their bedroom each with a backpack with enough clothes for a couple of days. Just in case. Felix, Hyunjin, and Jeongin are sitting on the couch together, playing video games, while Changbin is at the dining table writing lyrics and eating a snack.

Hyunjin stands, setting his controller down, and saunters over to Mr. Yeon. “I have a question, Yeon-nim.”

The older man blinks, a little confused. "What is it, Hyunjin-ah?"

Hyunjin continues. “Why? Why are you helping us? Last time I checked, your job is on the line here, too. What’s so special about us?”

Mr. Yeon chuckles. “You sell yourself short, Hyunjin-ah.”, he says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Audrey, Joong Ki, Seunghyuk, and I are all with you because we love you guys and want to see you happy more than anything.” He chuckles again. “Do you know how quiet the office was without you all? Eerily quiet.”

Everyone erupts into giggles.

“That sounds like us.”, Changbin says lightheartedly.

“So yes”, Mr. Yeon continues, “We want to help you all because we miss you, most of all.”

“I want to see Audrey again. We used to laugh together all the time.”, Jeongin says, a little melancholic. "I miss you guys a lot."

“Seunghyuk, too.”, Changbin adds. “I miss him a lot.”

Seungmin suddenly looks deep in thought. Chan glances over, ever aware of his members’ feelings at any time Guess he's been the leader too long. “What’re you thinking about?”

“Just that when I was in Jakarta, my manager tried to get me to continue recording… but I just couldn’t. It felt wrong. The wrong people directing me, the wrong producers, the wrong studio. Everything.” He chuckles. “I need Chan’s room.”, he finishes humorously. He gets a few giggles back.

“Me too.”, Chan says.

“We must leave soon.”, Mr. Yeon breaks the longing in the room. “The airplane leaves in exactly two hours.”

Chan and Jisung smile so large, as they turn to wish their boyfriends goodbye for the next few days. Felix, clingy as ever, holds onto the eldest tightly, but the others let him. They move to hug the two.

“If you come back empty-handed”, Seungmin demands lightheartedly, “We’re gonna have a problem, Hyungs.”

Chan laughs. “Of course.”

Hyunjin, meanwhile, grabs Jisung by the face and kisses him fiercely. “I love you.”

Jisung holds his waist and grins. “Love you too.”

After more exchanged hugs and kisses, they pull apart, somehow manage to get Felix off Chan, and the three head out for the airport.

----

Minho enters the dance practice room, gym bag and water in hand. Really, he has no reason to be here. He’s not learning any new choreography; he’s not in a group anymore. But he needs an escape, and the one love that he’s never lost is dance.

Minho had been working constantly at JYP Japan, helping choreograph, recording, and going out for photoshoots for modeling companies. It never stopped, and while he was thankful for the distraction, he knew he needed a break. Plus, he couldn’t keep handling all this work when his support system, the ones he loves, aren’t even here.

So he submitted a day off request that was promptly denied by the higher-ups at JYP Japan, but when he threatened to quit, they caved. They couldn’t lose the best male dancer at their company.

Workers were surprised to see him at the company building the next day, dark circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep. He'd given up on trying to sleep and just decided to go dance. He’d marched right up to the front desk lady, Miku, and demanded the keys to one of the practice rooms.

“But-”

But he’d shot her a glare so icy she cowered and gave him what he wanted.

So here Minho is now. He drops his bag onto the wooden floor of the practice room. It’s been a while since he’s had a room like this to himself, and he smiles. The door’s locked, it’s quiet, and he hasn’t felt this at ease in months.

Of course, it’s not all fun and games. When he stands, his eyes flash, and he suddenly sees Hyunjin and Jisung standing there, but their voices are slurred and wrong.

“Hyung~”, the hallucination says. “Come home Hyung~”

It’s not the Hyunjin and Jisung he knows, but he’s gotten used to this. Over the past months, he’s had hallucinations of all the members, but mostly Jisung. God, he misses that man. It’s like his soul is without his mate.

Blinking violently to get rid of the vision, Minho grabs his phone from his bag, ultimately deciding to ignore them, and the Hyunjin and Jisung are gone as quickly as they came. He hooks it up to the Bluetooth speakers in the room, while deciding on what song to do. He could freestyle, but he decides against that in favor of picking an old Stray Kids song to dance to. One that reminds him of his members, and the last show they did before this horrible hiatus. Minho remembers that show fondly, the Korea Music Festival, and puts S-Class on, starting his dance.

“I’m up above the world so high, I’ll be there shining day and night…”

He sings along far louder than he needs to, but he’s having so much fun that he doesn’t care. He makes it through five more songs before he slumps over, tired, taking a quick water break. He’s not even halfway through a sip when keys in the door startle him, and he jumps up, ready to fight, or something… honestly he’s not sure what he’s doing. The keys are doing little to open the door, so he ignores them, hoping whoever’s on the other side will just give up and go away.

He feels the desire to sing, so he pulls up “Want so BAD” on his phone because he wants to be reminded of Jisung right now; his large cheeks, his heart-shaped smile, his sparkling eyes, his big heart.

He arrives at the chorus of the song, remembering how he and Jisung would sing the “ah ah ah’s” and do a little dance at each other with their shoulders. It was totally the younger’s idea and he just went with it, because it was so adorable.

The post-chorus starts, and suddenly, the people who had been trying to get into his practice room finally come in.

Minho was expecting one of the higher-ups, ready to kick him out. Or his coworkers, wondering what was going on. Or anyone else than who it was actually.

What Minho wasn’t expecting, was those starry eyes and fat cheeks he’d been longing for, followed by his only Hyung. Another hallucination. It had to be. This wasn't real.

Jisung starts rapping his part in the second verse as he walks in, telling of love and cosmos flowers, running up to Minho, and holding him in his arms, tears falling immediately. Jisung's voice is just as lovely and high as he remembers.

They continue singing the song together until the end, while Chan stands with Mr. Yeon, fondly watching them embrace each other.

The song ends, and Minho turns off his Spotify, setting his phone down on the desk. He eyes Jisung and Chan with a tired expression.

He sees that Jisung’s face falls in confusion, and a bit of hurt, and Chan even looks confused. He frowns, blinking his eyes like so many times before, trying to rid himself of the hallucination, but it doesn’t go away. This one will be hard to get rid of, he's sure. .

“Why are you looking at us like that, Hyung?”, Jisung asks. Minho doesn’t respond, only blinks harder.

“Minho? What’s wrong?”, Chan asks.

“I’m tired of these hallucinations!”, Minho suddenly cries out, dropping to his knees and holding his head. He squeezes his eyes shut. Had he not, he would’ve seen the pure panicked expressions on the others’ faces. Jisung falls to the ground with him, a little farther away. “Just go away! I’m tired of seeing them! They’re not really there!”, Minho yells out to the universe.

“Hallucinations?”, Jisung says, confused.

“Stop messing with my head! I don’t want to see them anymore!”, Minho yells, tears welling up. By now, Jisung is teary, too, scared and confused.

“Don’t want to see us?”, Jisung says, panicking more.

Minho shakes his head, but Chan frowns, walking over to the second eldest and dropping down to the floor next to him.

“Love.”, he says, grounded and level. “Do you think this is a hallucination?”

Minho nods, seeming to calm down a little from his sobbing at Chan’s calming presence.

“It’s not, love.”, Chan says calmly, rubbing Minho’s back.

“All the hallucinations say that.”, Minho spits. “They’re messing with my head. I’m tired of seeing my loves and never being able to have them… it’s like I’m being teased.”

“But this isn’t one of those. I’m real. I’m here to take you back to Korea to see the others.”, Chan explains, holding Minho in his arms.

“This is real? Really? You’re actually here, Hyung? I- I don’t believe you. This- this can’t be real…”

“But it is!”, Jisung pipes up from the side. “We’re real!” He grabs Minho’s hand to feel his arm. Minho doesn’t tell him that he can feel his hallucinations, too.

Minho shakes his head, the tears spilling over. “You both better not be lying to me…” Chan lets him cry into his chest, holding him, rubbing his hair and back.

After a while, the crying lets up a little, and Minho releases Chan, and looks over to Jisung. Jisung’s still sitting a little ways away from the two of them, pouting a little and fidgeting.

Minho crawls unceremoniously over to him, grabbing him into his arms and holding him like the most precious thing he owns. This is so out of character for Minho. He looks pathetic, but he still is gorgeous, even with tear streaks on his face.

“My Jisungie. I missed you so much.”

“Me too, Hyung.”, Jisung murmurs. “I- I couldn’t imagine living without you… it… it felt wrong somehow.”

“I know. It was awful. I had these hallucinations… they’d be of you all. But they weren’t real. Just when I thought I had you back, I realized it was just my brain playing tricks on me.”

“Yeah. Our brains are weird.”, Jisung chuckles. “But we’re here now to take you back home.”

“And not a moment too soon.”, Mr Yeon says from the side, checking his watch. “Our flight leaves in three hours.”

Jisung announces that he needs to use the bathroom before they head back to Minho’s apartment to pack, so Minho and Chan are left alone in the dance practice room while Mr. Yeon went off to talk with Miku.

“It’s so nice to have you back, Minho.”, says Chan, as he and the younger are sitting together, holding hands.

“It’s so nice to have you back, too, Hyung.”, Minho replies, smiling up at the elder. He catches the misty look in his eyes, and tilts his head. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just… I missed you… and… it was hard with all the kids, but without my... wife, I guess.”, he explains, to which Minho chuckles and nods. “I get it. I am kind of like the mom, aren't I?”

“A-also… Jisung. He wasn’t well without you. He- and I guess this isn’t my story to tell- had some… suicidal thoughts. He put on a happy face but was suffering. It was so clear.”

Minho doesn’t say anything, just has wide, sad eyes that speak clearly. He knows Chan understands.

“Talk to him later, please? He won’t talk to the rest of us. He reassures us that he loves us and he’s okay but I’m so worried about him.”

“Okay. When we’re all back together and have a moment, I will.”

Jisung emerges into the room again, smiling wholeheartedly, but making Minho’s heart break. But he can’t focus on that because Mr. Yeon is whisking him away to their flight.

----

Mr. Yeon goes back to work while Chan, Minho, and Jisung go back to their apartment. He checks his watch, sees that he still has a few hours of the day to go, and decides to get his money for the work he’ll do. Plus, it’ll look less suspicious.

He only gets a few minutes in his office before the head of the media team, Kim Hae Yun. She enters with a clipboard.

“Afternoon, sir. I have some news that Sajangnim needs to go over.”

Mr. Yeon frowns. “What is it?”

“Sir? Sir.”, Mr. Yeon says, knocking on their CEO’s door. JYP frowns, eyes trained on his computer screen. The secretary walks into the room and stands in front of the older man’s desk.

“What do you want?”, JYP asks annoyedly.

“Sir.”, Mr. Yeon says seriously. “Our media managers need your guidance. The public is asking about Stray Kids. They want to know why there’s been radio silence on them for months.”

That, of course, is true. There’s been plenty of buzz about the state of the band. There have been new news headlines about their disappearance. There have even been Twitter feeds with the hashtag “bringbackSKZ”.

“I don’t owe the public anything.”, JYP replies.

Mr. Yeon rolls his eyes. They both know that’s not correct. “Yes, but it doesn’t make sense that you separated them and didn’t leave a notice of any sort.”

“I suppose so.”, JYP leans back in his chair. He puts a finger on his chin in mock thinking. “The boys are still separate, aren’t they? Tell the media managers to send out a notice. ‘Stray Kids will cease all activities.’”

Mr. Yeon stands in shock. “What? Why would you do that sir? T-They made you so much money! They were the highest-grossing group in America! Why? They deserve to be back together again!”

“Do they, Yeon?”, JYP says, his eyes narrowing. “You sound very worried about them.”

“That’s because I am.”, Mr. Yeon frowns back at him. “Those boys deserve better. They're kind and lovely people and don't deserve your awfulness. They deserve the world.”

“No they don’t.”, the CEO spits back. “Those boys are trying to cause a scandal in our company.” He leans in, Mr. Yeon taking a step back. “Tell the media team to put out that statement. Now get out of my office.”

----

The afternoon sun is high in the air. Felix is lying in Changbin’s lap, having no desire to move. They had gone on a date that day, enjoying Lotte World's charms. Even though it is a place they’ve been before on countless outings, it’s still nostalgic. The others were happy to see Felix start smiling again. Clearly, his side effects were starting to wear away.

But now, Changbin is happy to hold his boyfriend close to him as he sleeps on him. Seungmin, Jeongin, and Hyunjin bookend him, wrapping Felix and Changbin into a warm embrace on the sofa.

Suddenly though, the front door swings open, and their eyes all look up quickly. Jisung and Chan walk in, followed by Minho, and out of nowhere, the waterworks begin. Changbin starts first, apologetically glancing at Felix, who’s deposited on the sofa.

Changbin runs up to Minho, wrapping him up in a big hug, littering his face with kisses. The others follow, smiling big, and hurrying to hug him.

Minho smiles and cries, while everyone laughs, eyes misty, too. "I missed you all so much!", he exclaims. They all reciprocate the sentiment, and Minho really can't believe it. Part of him never thought he'd see everyone again. He's so happy. He takes a turn kissing every one of them, so joyful to be able to do that again.

----

“Jisung?”, Minho says as he knocks on the bedroom. They’d decided to take a few days of recuperation in Seoul before figuring out what to do next. Chan was out with Changbin at the gym, no surprise there. Hyunjin was taking Felix on a coffee date, and the maknaes were out at a karaoke room. Minho had specifically asked everyone to leave Jisung alone so he could talk to him. He needed to help his Jisungie out of his dark state, though he tried to hide it. Minho wasn’t stupid. He could see it. And he was pretty sure Jisung knew he knew it too.

Jisung’s currently sitting on the bed in the center of the room, knees pulled into his chest, scrolling through Instagram. ITZY’s new song is playing, no doubt he is watching their newest challenge video. He looks up from the screen, locking eyes with Minho.

“Hey Hyung.”, he says, smiling widely. “What’s up?”

Minho hesitates, not wanting to make the younger panic, but ultimately deciding to be blunt. “We need to talk, Jisungie.”

Jisung’s eyes widen, and he sets his phone on the bedside table. Minho can tell he’s hiding his worry as he smiles and scoots over to make room for him, patting the bed. “What about?”

“You, my little quokka.”, Minho responds, tapping his nose. Jisung just blinks at him. Minho feels the need to continue, to explain himself. “Chan told me about you while we were separated.”

“Oh yeah?”, Jisung chuckled awkwardly. “What’d he say?”

“You considered… um…”, Minho can’t even finish, choking up at the idea of his baby considering what he did.

“Oh.”, Jisung just says, smile dropping. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Please, Jisung. Are you okay? Please be honest with me. You know I love you.”

“I’m- I’m- I’m…”, he can’t say it. Minho knows he wants to lie- wants to say he’s okay- but he can’t lie to the older. They both know he’ll know. Minho just sits in silence, letting Jisung figure out his thoughts.

Jisung twitches. “I’m… um, I’m not okay. I’m…”, he starts choking up, “I’m really not okay, Hyung…”, he begins to cry in earnest, silent sobs racking through him.

“It’s okay, love, it’s okay.”, Minho says soothingly, holding his love.

“It’s not!”, Jisung wails. “No! I shouldn’t have thought that!” He shivers, sniffing. “I just… couldn’t imagine living without my loves. Why bother if you guys didn’t even know I was alive? If I was safe or sick or loved or okay at all!? What was the point? And- what if you all forgot about me? What if those five years didn’t mean anything?”

“How could you think that? Those five years… Jisung, those were the best of my life. With you, with the others. How could we ever forget you? You’re our talented boy, you’re the second half of the sunshine twins. We love you. We could never forget.”

Jisung smiles sadly. “I guess my mind just ran wild with anxiety when you guys weren’t there.”

“But we’re here now.”, Minho says calmly, though his insides are screaming at him in worry. “And I- Jisung- I could never let you go. Again.”

Jisung nods. “I’m... I’m okay, Hyung. Really, I- I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m gonna keep an eye on you for the time being, okay? I want to make sure you’re truly okay for the long run.”

Jisung doesn’t say anything. Just nods, curling into Minho’s lap.

The two of them only come out of the room after having napped and cuddled for hours. They come out during dinnertime, while Felix and Chan are cooking in the kitchen and the others are at the table. When Minho steps out into the dining room, the others, Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Changbin, are huddled around Jeongin, fussing over him. They don’t seem to notice Minho and Jisung there.

“What’s going on?”, the second eldest says, in that motherly tone he’s perfected, making the three stop and look up at him and Jisung.

That’s when Minho gets a good look at Jeongin, sitting there, eyes wide and unfocused. “What’s wrong with Jeongin?”

“I can’t see.”, he says, matter-of-factly, shrugging. It almost made Minho laugh if he hadn’t started panicking already. Minho rushes to Jeongin’s side. “I’m okay, Hyung, really. This is normal. I’m used to it.”

He blinks really hard, opening his eyes again. “Oh hey. I can see again.” Everyone else breathes a collective sigh of relief. “Really I don’t know why you guys are so worried. It’s not like this hasn’t happened before.”

“We get that Iyen-ah.”, Minho says sternly, fitting back into the motherly role as if he never left. “The issue is that this seems to be getting worse.” He glances around. “Everyone’s gotten better, except you.”

And he’s not wrong. Changbin’s fidgeting has died out completely, he assumes his boyfriends holding him every night had something to do with it. Chan, while always a terrible sleeper, is doing better, eating and getting at least four hours a night. Seungmin’s sweats have mostly relaxed as well, though he will sometimes wake up with a wet pillow. Thankfully, his weight is getting back to being healthy. Hyunjin doesn’t seem to have had any real side effects at all, at least from Minho’s perspective, something that struck him as suspicious at first, but he learned to live with. Felix’s clingyness is still there. Minho figures that might stick around for a while.

“Why though?”, Jisung asks, the first thing he’s said since they entered the room, and so small Minho almost misses it. He glances at the younger in a look that urges him to continue. “Why aren’t you better, Innie?”

Jeongin blinks. “How’m I supposed to know?”, he says, frowning. “It’s weird.”

“Well, there isn’t much we can do about it but get him checked and try to counteract it as best we can.”, Changbin says, shaking his head and throwing his hands up in defeat.

Just then, Chan and Felix walk into the room with bowls of ramyeon. “What’s going on?”, Felix asks worriedly, sensing the tension in the room.

“Jeongin is getting worse and we don’t know why.”

“Okay.”, Chan says, setting a bowl down roughly, conveying his annoyance. “That’s enough. We are going to the eye doctor. Right now.”

Jeongin blinks at him. “Now? But don’t we have to… I dunno… book an appointment?”

“They accept walk-ins.”, Seungmin says casually from the other side of the table with a shrug, sipping the bowl.

That’s how Chan, Jeongin, and Felix find themselves at the eye doctor’s down the street. They're hopeful that this will go quickly, and that they'll get some important information.

They sit down with the friendly doctor. She smiles at the man in the chair and scoots over to shine a light in his eyes, checking for illness.

“Tell me what’s going on with him.”, she says as she works, covering one eye as she inspects the other.

“He’s having moments where his eyesight goes completely blind or blurry.”, Chan explains, worried for their baby.

The doctor takes her time inspecting every part of Jeongin’s head, searching for any injuries, wounds, or issues. She eventually sits back and frowns. “I don’t see an issue with him. He’s perfectly healthy.”

“Seriously? There’s nothing truly wrong with him?”

“No.”, the doctor says. “The best thing to do for him is to give him rest and support. However, he’s perfectly healthy.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”, Felix says, dejected.

Emotions are high when they come back, everyone is fussing over Jeongin on the sofa. Changbin holds him, Chan pets his hair, while Felix cries. Hyunjin watches everyone, heart breaking. His eyes well up, fear in his eyes.

Minho, of course, takes notice as he always does, and comes over to him.

“Are you okay, love? I know Jeongin-ah is not well, but you seem more sad about something else... not just Jeongin-ah.” Of course, Minho notices, and Hyunjin wants to kick his ass and kiss him at the same time.

“Um, actually, this is a bad time, but I have a confession to make.”, he looks down at the floor, it’s so interesting.

Minho holds him in his arms, while the others look over at him, still petting Jeongin lightly. Hyunjin locks eyes with Chan and sees a knowing look grace his features.

“What is it, baby?”, Changbin asks.

Hyunjin hesitates, eyes glassy with fear. The words get stuck on his tongue the longer Minho holds him. He gazes up at Chan, fearful.

Chan says nothing, only nods at him. Somehow, without even words, Chan’s urging helps him through.

“You remember when we were separated, right?” He mentally slaps himself. What a stupid question. The others just patiently nod. He struggles. “Well, I did something I shouldn’t have… and I’m not proud of it.”

Minho pulls back, giving Hyunjin an incredulous look, cocking his head. Now, everyone has their full attention on Hyunjin.

“I kissed someone else.” When the room is silent, from shock, some from hurt, he barrels on. “His name was Jay. He was a bartender… I had gone to drink my problems away, ‘cause I was just… broken after you guys left… and he was into me, and he was hot and really sweet, and he asked if he could kiss me and I said yes but then right after we did it I felt awful and told him we couldn’t. He was understanding.” Again, silence, but this time, the others move closer to him. “And I understand if you guys hate me or don’t trust me. I’ve been holding it in this whole time. Keeping up a front so you wouldn’t suspect anything of me. ‘Cause I’m selfish. If I told you, I knew you guys wouldn’t want to be around me. I wanted to enjoy you guys before that. Before you decided to…” He can’t finish, becoming too choked up, his throat tight. He opens his mouth again to continue, but Minho shuts him up with a finger on his lips.

“Hush, baby. Let us say something.”, he says, Hyunjin nodding, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

Chan comes forward, like the true leader he is, and hugs Hyunjin tightly. “I’m proud of you. So proud.”

Hyunjin might cry harder from that than the actual confession. He closes his eyes, basking in the embrace. When he opens them up again, he expects them all to be looking down on him, anger or hurt or something on their faces. But instead, they’re all smiling softly, lovingly.

“We’re not mad at you, love.”, Changbin says. “We get it.”

“We all did weird shit when we were separated.”, Jeongin adds, shrugging. “Should we share? I’ll go first! I cried in front of our friends from Ateez while they were on tour. Didn’t mean to, they were just so nice to me, and I made a fool of myself in front of them.”

“Really? Damn, I missed a lot.”, Seungmin says, looking at Jeongin.

Chan chuckles. “First, I’m sure you didn’t make a fool of yourself. Knowing Hongjoong and Seonghwa, they helped you out and were happy to do it. Second, I fainted in a coffee shop because I was basically dehydrating, starving, and working myself to death.”

“Chan Hyung!”, Minho cries. “What have I told you?!” Their old married couple is showing, and they all know it.

“I know, I know, but it wasn’t like you were there.”

Minho rolls his eyes. “I also made a fool of myself. I had an in-person interview with JYP Sunbaenim, and instead of murdering him on live TV like I should’ve done", the glint in his eye reveals the murderous intent, "I cried and ran out of the room when the mentioned Stray Kids.”

“On live TV, Hyung?”, Jisung asks, to which Minho nods and rubs the back of his neck. “Not my proudest moment.”

“Well, I met SF9 Sunbaenims. We went out drinking and I may have destroyed the lyrics to Heartbeat at karaoke.”, Changbin chuckles.

“See though, that sounds like something you’d do, Hyung.”, Jeongin points out, the entire room giggling. Now, Hyunjin doesn’t feel as pathetic. He’s actually smiling now.

Jisung frowns. “My story wasn’t as fun. I- um- may have considered… um… yeah, that.” Everyone’s eyes widen, even if they already know. “I thought, what’s the point if I can’t be with my loves?” He looks around. “I realize now that you guys would’ve never forgotten me and I feel so much better than I did.”, he tacks on before anyone can say anything. He smiles awkwardly. Even though the room still looks uneasy, they move on anyway. Though they can all tell that’s going to be something to discuss later.

“Well I wasn’t much better.”, Felix explains. “I became really angry and destroyed some public property in front of some Aussie Stays. Went to jail for like, an hour.”

“Again, damn, I missed a lot.”, Seungmin says. “I lived with my therapist for those months we were separated.”

Chan turns back to Hyunjin, who is starting to feel much less awful. “We’ve all done terrible or… weird things”, he shoots a pointed look at Changbin, “But we understand that that was a hard time. It doesn’t make what you did alright, but I appreciate you telling us, and know that we will always love you.”

They hug, some of the others peppering loving kisses all over Hyunjin’s face and neck. He smiles. “I love you guys. So much.”

----

A knock on the door the next day gets Seungmin’s attention when they’re all at home, getting ready for a date in the evening. He walks up and reveals Mr. Yeon, Audrey, and Seunghyuk standing there. He lets them in, while Hyunjin and Chan emerge out of their rooms to see what’s going on.

“We have to talk to you guys about something.”

All eight of them, plus the three employees sit down around the dining table.

“Your managers are back in Korea.”, Mr. Yeon explains. “They discovered you were missing. But they’re not going to tell JYP that until they figure out where you are, lest they lose their jobs. However, they’re going to figure it out soon.”

"And they'll find you. JYP has the resources to be able to find you all easily, even if you don't have a phone or anything of the sort.", Audrey says.

Seunghyuk continues. “The issue is that if they tell JYP that you’ve gone against his wishes, you will all lose your jobs, too. That means no more Stray Kids, no more STAY, nothing.”

Audrey, ever the planner, takes out a notebook. “We discussed it after work, and we may have a plan that could help you out with that.”

They all lean in, curious to figure out what Audrey’s got planned.

Chapter Text

“Here’s the thing. JYP suffers without you. Outside of TWICE, you’re their most popular group. People are really worried about all of you, and really angry that you’ve just disappeared suddenly without a warning.”, Audrey explains. “We can use that, though. If we create a scandal that JYP forced you to seperate and gave you hush money, it could ruin the company.”

“And by separating you, JYP was trying not to create a scandal. Ironic how that works.”, Mr. Yeon chuckles humorlessly. He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, disgust in his eyes for their former boss.

“The problem is that you would lose your jobs, but that’s where we come in.”, Audrey says, holding up her pen in triumph, as if she didn't just say they would lose their jobs. The boyfriends watch her, gobsmacked. Audrey goes on to explain, chuckling. “I’m a hair, makeup, and fashion artist. Seunghyuk is a producer. Mr. Yeon’s a great administrator. When Joong Ki comes back from tour, he’ll be a great manager. We could start a whole new company by ourselves.”

There’s a stretch of confused silence. Mr. Yeon explains further. “JYP would be so far down in scandal that our company could outdo him. Even if we’re not bigger than other companies, people love you guys. We could stay afloat in the industry. You guys would be free from Sajangnim. It’d take some hard work, but I think we could do it.”

“I’m sure we could get plenty of people to work for us, especially those mistreated at JYP. Maybe we could get to a point where there’s even trainees at our company!”, Audrey says. She shrugs. “Reach for the stars they say.”

Chan takes it all in, looking between his members to gauge their reactions. Some are in disbelief, others are shocked, but have a hopeful glint in their eye. He can tell Minho, at least, is considering it.

But he’s worried. His eyes show it. What if it doesn’t work? And if it does, that’ll just spell more work for Chan. What’ll he do then? He’s pretty sure he could take it on, after all, it’d be the same work he’s already doing. At this point, the others are staring at him for guidance. “Why are you all looking at me?”

“‘Cause you’re the leader, duh. And what you says goes.”, Jisung says like it’s completely obvious. Chan blinks stupidly, head cocked to the side.

“Come on. This is a decision we need to make together.”

“Okay, fine.”, Jisung replies, though as much as he seems flippant, it's completely sincere. “I’m in.”

“Me too.”, Jeongin says.

“I think we could do it. So I’m in, too.”, Seungmin adds.

“I wanna help with this, Hyung.”, Changbin says.

Minho just locks eyes with Chan, his approval being told through his expression. Hyunjin, too, smiles and nods. “That just leaves you, Hyung.”

Chan looks at the others again, not a doubt in his mind. He’s so ready to sock it to JYP for overworking him and making him suffer for so long. “I’m in, too.”

Audrey smiles like the Cheshire Cat. “Then let’s do it.”

Phase 1: Quitting

“Phase 1”, Audrey says, “Is to quit JYP. That’ll start a scandal in itself. People will start to wonder what’s going on, and we can use the media publicity to our advantage. Remember, anger, confusion, any emotions really, are all publicity that if used right, could be in our favor. Also, when you go to reveal what really happened, JYP can’t sue you. You’ll be free.”

“I quit.”, Chan says. He’s facing his boss in his office. JYP has a surprised look on his face, but Chan knows better. He’s angry. Angry that he's found his way back to his boyfriends, angry that he's even here. “You’ve used me long enough. The terms of my contract say I am permitted to quit whenever I want.”

JYP himself leans back in his seat, his finger on his chin. “Alright. Quit. But you aren’t anything without me. Your fame? Your fortune? That was me. That was this company.”

“No it wasn’t.”, Chan spits back, his patience long up. He leans onto the desk, a fire in his eyes as he glares at JYP. He doesn't even care that he's accidentally knocked over a picture frame. That's just his boss's karma. “That was us. That was our hard work, and our fans. You had nothing to do with it.”

Of course, some of their success was the resources from JYP Entertainment, but he’s not going to tell his former boss that. He’s fairly certain the hush money will be plenty to get a startup off the ground.

As Chan turns around to storm out of the room, he hears JYP’s scoff. “Keep thinking that.”

As soon as Chan opens the door, the others pile into JYP’s office. The last time they were here, they were being separated. Now, they feel more powerful together than this man sitting in front of them.

“We all quit.”, Chan states firmly, not sparing a glance to Park Jinyoung as he turns to taking in his loves..

JYP’s eyes widen, taking in the group. His eyes rake over the men in front of him, quirking an eyebrow as he schools his expression into one of anger. “Well, I’m impressed you were able to find each other. What a stroke of luck. But you’re still going to be nothing without me.”

“Wait until we cause a scandal. You’re really going to be surprised then.”, Minho seethes quietly as the group piles out the door, done with their boss's bullshit.

“Is it true, Chan-shi?!”

Paparazzi is surrounding the building, cameras clicking, people yelling to one another, microphones shoved into the mens’ faces. When Chan looks around, the amount of people stretches into the street, stopping the oncoming traffic. That’s how much people want to know about them. Audrey was right. The publicity in itself is half of what they need to get off the ground.

“Yes, it’s true. We’ve quit JYP.”

They don’t say anything else as they push lightly through the crowd, apologizing to people, heading back to the van to take them to their apartment.

Phase 2: Scandal

“The media will ask for interviews and press with you. Reveal what actually happened and it’s side effects for you. This will get the public angry with JYP, and therein is our opening to make our move.”

Chan sits in an uncomfortable chair, across from a reporter, the others flanking him. The bright news studio lights shine in his eyes. Minho leans over and takes his hand, as does Jeongin on his left.

He smiles to himself, while the reporter chuckles. As much as Chan knows it's taboo in Korea, to be open about their relationship like this, truly, at this point, he can't find it in him to care. He just wants comfort as he is forced to relay all the terrible things that have happened to them.

“Thank you for coming to meet with us.", the reporter says, eyeing them. "We just wanted to know about your quitting from JYP Entertainment.”

“Of course.”, Chan responds, looking over at the others. They all look back at him, smiling lovingly, reassuringly.

“My main question is, why? And why was there so much radio silence from you all for those three months? We are really curious to know what happened to Stray Kids.”

Chan explains. He explains everything. The separation, the side effects, the hush money, and he barely breathes through the entire recollection. Every now and again someone else will pipe up and add something, like how Jisung helpfully adds that Hyunjin and him were the first to meet up again, but otherwise, when Chan is finished retelling, the reporter sits there with a stunned look on her face.

She blinks, and seems to snap out of her stupor.

“My, that was a lot to take in. Excuse my reaction.”, she says, and when Chan waves her off, she continues. “How cruel must that man, Park Jinyoung, be to do something like this to you?”

“Scandals.”, Minho says plainly, arms crossed, an annoyed expression on his face. “If idols were able to date, and I suppose lead their lives, freely, we wouldn’t be having this problem. I don’t understand why we can’t lead personal lives and love who we want.”

The room is silent for a moment. No one knows what to say.

“I see. Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you for meeting with us, you all.”, the reporter responds, turning to the camera. “Well, there you have it folks. Coming straight from the source. We’ll see you all in the next segment.”

“Chan Hyung, Chan Hyung!”, Jeongin exclaims, bursting into the apartment after he had gone shopping. Chan and Jisung glance up from the couch, cocking their heads. The groceries go flying to the counter.

“What’s up, Jeongin?”, Chan asks, eyes flickering down to something the maknae is holding in his hands. It’s been two days since their interview, and things have been mostly quiet, as they have been mostly hiding themselves from the outside.

“Check it out.”, Jeongin says, handing Chan the newspaper in his hand. It’s got a huge headline across the top: STRAY KIDS QUIT: We Interviewed Them. What does this former group have to say, and how will JYP Entertainment respond?

Chan chuckles. “Well, that’s interesting, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”, Jeongin chortles back. “And people are going crazy online, too.”

Jisung blinks, pulling out his cell phone, and checks Twitter (Not X, damnit). Sure enough, the trending hashtag right now is #Whatwillskzdonext. He scrolls through post and post of people wondering what’s going on, or angry over what is happening.

“Look’s like Audrey’s plan is working well.”, Chan smiles.

Then, an idea strikes Jisung, who pops up from his seat.

“Hey everyone! We just wanted to elaborate on what’s going on right now, and provide some hope for the future.”, Chan says into the camera, Jisung, Jeongin, and two others, Seungmin and Felix, who they convinced to show themselves. Minho, Hyunjin, and Changbin are all currently at the gym and wouldn’t pick up. No surprise there.

When he glances at the statistics for this live, there are at least four million people watching. That’s insane to Chan, and he glances at the comments.

“Where have you guys been?”
“Are you all doing alright?”
“Can you please tell us what’s going on?”

He appreciates and understands their concern. They disappeared without a trace for months, of course people would be curious and worry. He would, too. But part of Audrey’s plan was to not give any plans for the future away, in case JYP found their information. And he would, because the CEO has eyes and ears all over the place. Before he can say anything, though, Jisung pipes up.

“You know it’s a long story, but we have to tell it. Because you all deserve to know. We want to be open with STAY.”

There’s a long pause.

“That being said, someone wanna tell it.... again?”, he glances at the others, who sigh, chuckling half-heartedly.

“Anyway, that’s all for today. Thank you all for being here and asking questions while we figure out what to do next.”, Seungmin says, smiling as he turns off the camera. He looks at Jisung, who has burrowed into Chan’s chest.

“Well, we’re done. How do you guys feel?”, he asks.

“No better than I did an hour ago.”, Jisung frowns, tightening his grip in Chan's shirt. “I don’t like going down memory lane. It’s not fun.”

“I know. It isn’t. But to know that everyone’s in the know now feels good. It’s nice to get it off our shoulders.”, Seungmin replies lovingly, showering Jisung in kisses and hugs.

Phase 3: Build

“Next, after all the scandals, we create our own company.”

How Chan finds himself in a trial is beyond him. The most he remembers is Mr. Yeon saying he’ll sue JYP for the rights to the music— the songs that 3 Racha created. That he created… with Jisung and Changbin of course.

Now, he’s sitting in the plaintiff’s seat with Changbin and Jisung. When he looks behind him at the audience in the courtroom, Felix, Hyunjin, Minho, Seungmin, and Jeongin sit and watch tensely. They’re as interested as he is in winning the rights to his own songs.

“The defendant had no input in the making of this music, with the exception of only a few songs. We are willing to allow the defendant the rights to the songs he took part in producing, writing, or otherwise creating, but only those songs.”, Mr. Yeon says. Chan almost forgot his background is in law. He studied it before his work at JYP Entertainment.

JYP sits on the opposing side, arms crossed, arrogant. He frowns.

“Those songs, your honor”, he rebuttals, “Were funded and given the ability to exist by JYPE. These creatons have no right to say that the music belongs to them. It was created under my company.”

The judge eyes the evidence in her hands, looking it up and down. It’s copies of the credits on almost all of their songs. It’s clear, almost every one has Versachoi or a member of 3Racha on it.

“Ma’am.”, JYP tries. “

“I’ve reached a verdict.”, the judge announces after a bout of silence. “3Racha made this music. Yes, with the resources of JYP Entertainment. However, it is the result of their work and dedication. I rule in favor of the plaintiff, for the rights to all the music they have made in the past.”

She strikes the gavel down, smiling, and leaving the courtroom.

Jisung holds it together long enough for the judge to leave, and then breaks out into a lovely smile.

“We did it.”

Minho, somehow, is the first to start crying, the tears spilling out so fast. The others group hug him, while Chan smiles and shakes Mr. Yeon’s hand in thanks. While he’s bowing to their secretary, JYP approaches him, much to the bailiff’s dismay.

Chan looks up, into the eyes of his former boss. JYP snarls at Chan, angrily storming up to him.

“How dare you?! You insolent bitch—”

The audience gasps.

“Looks like you’re digging yourself a bigger hole, mate.”, Chan says, laughing. He smiles, takes Minho’s hand, and leads his kids out of the courtroom, while JYP watches him angrily.

Later that night, they pile into each other’s arms on Chan’s bed. He hugs his loves, kissing each one all over. Minho snuggles up to him.

“We did well today, Hyung.”, he states proudly, smiling fondly. He’s basically a dad. Good lord.

“Yeah. We got our music back! Isn’t that great?!”, Jisung exclaims, cuddled up with Felix. “All our hard work… and it’s rightfully ours!”

Jeongin, laying with Jisung and Changbin, suddenly writhes, his eyes going blank again for a split second. Chan and Minho exchange a worried glance and hurry over to him. The youngest shakes his head and looks up. His eyes are back to their natural brown. He smiles his foxy smile. Chan’s frown doesn’t leave.

“You okay, love?”, Changbin asks worriedly. They’re all looking at Jeongin in fear.

“Yeah.”, he says. “The vision loss is getting better… but it’s still not really gone.”

“I wonder why it’s so slow going.”, Seungmin wonders aloud.

“I dunno.”, Jeongin says, “but it’ll go away soon, I promise.”

“You better get better.”, Changbin says.

Jeongin laughs. It’ll be difficult, but he knows it will. It will. He snuggles up to Chan and Changbin, and he falls asleep.

6 Months Later…

“Chan Hyung!”

Chan looks up from his laptop. He’s refining one of the last tracks to be released on the album. Changbin and Jisung are sitting next to him, scribbling lyrics into their notebooks.

Jeongin walks into the studio, smiling. He rubs his fully healed eyes. Turns out he just needed a few more months with his loves for his side effect to wear away.

“Yeon Sajangnim wants to see us in his office.”, Jeongin says, to which the three others smile up and follow him.

They were able to buy a new building for their company, SKZ Nation. 3Racha works on the top floor with a wonderful view of Seoul. They have their own special studio. Once they debut a new group, though, they will work further down in the other studios with the rookie producers. Mr. Yeon, who’d become their CEO, works at the top with them as well.

The next couple of floors down are where Vocal Racha works. There are the vocal practice rooms and studios. Seungmin and Jeongin, when they’re not practicing, out on schedules, or recording, they teach the new up-and-coming trainees.

Then, on the bottom is Dance Racha and all the dance practice rooms. Seungmin complained about hearing all the annoying footsteps above him, so the dance practices find themselves on the bottom level, before the lobby, lounge, and cafeteria.

Minho, with the help of Hyunjin, Felix, and sometimes Jisung, teaches the trainees how to dance.

When the three men enter Mr. Yeon’s office, the rest of the group are sitting in the chairs there.

“Good afternoon, boys.”, he says cheerfully, a smile plastered on his face. “I just wanted to run something by you all before I emailed everyone else in the building.”

“What is it?”, Jisung asks.

“Well, the anniversary of the founding of SKZ Nation is coming up soon. I would like to host a party in the lounge to celebrate. Everyone’s worked so hard for this company. I want to celebrate.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?”, Jisung exclaims. “Let’s get ready for a party!”

Chan is pretty sure there’s nowhere else he’d like to be. Minho’s holding him, his arms wrapped around his middle. The trainees are laughing together, while Mr. Yeon leans on the lounge kitchenette with a drink in hand, standing with a group of employees. Jisung and Felix are talking some other trainees ear off, a couple staff members listening in and laughing along. Seungmin, Jeongin, and Changbin are drinking together. Hyunjin is dancing to some music that’s playing quietly in a corner. Everyone is smiling and laughing together.

Chan knows they couldn't have done anything without Audrey, Joong Ki, and Seunghyuk. They basically built the company around Stray Kids. Mr. Yeon brought all the trainees they would need, and Joong Ki brought the press and funds to be able to run the company.

It makes Chan almost tear up in happiness when he thinks about it. But he knows it also never would have happened without his loves. They worked so hard to promote, to try and build a company, and for 3Racha, to try to make new music to satisfy the fans.

Chan's had sleepless nights. Of course he has. But his loves have always been there for him. Every step of the way. He smiles as he touches Minho's arms gently, willing himself not to smile like an idiot and cry at the same time.

And even better, the side effects are gone. Jeongin's eyes work just as well as they used to, and everyone is feeling back to normal. Of course they'll run into hiccups— every relationship has those. But they know that they will resolve it just as well.

Just then, the rest of his boyfriends come and engulf him in a big group hug.

"We love you, Hyung.", Jisung says. "So much."

A bunch of agreements come out from the group. Everyone else in the room is watching and smile.

“You did well, love. Look at what we built together. You are amazing, Chris.”, Minho kisses under Chan’s ear, right on his pulse. He smiles, nuzzling into his neck.

“Wow, you’re sincere, aren’t you? Real name and everything.”

“I wanted to be genuine, this once.”, the younger replies cheekily. He’s still holding Chan.

“Building a company from the ground up was so difficult, Minho.”, Chan says, watching everyone. “But it was worth it, wasn’t it?”

“It was.”, Minho smiles gripping Chan tighter. “It was so worth it. And we wouldn’t ever change it for the world.”