Archive of Our Own ^beta

Clementine was trying to do anything in her power to not fall asleep, but the warmth she was feeling was making it impossible to resist. It has been so long since she experienced something like this, but lately it was even becoming common, and it scared her how quickly she was getting used to it.

The warmth didn't come from the fireplace, which lightened weakly the room, but from the sight in front of her. The music, accompanied by Louis' gentle humming, didn't help her keep her eyes open, even if it wasn't perfectly played.

In the end the comfort won, and she let herself go against the couch, resting her head on the armrest.

She was falling asleep when a note too low and AJ's voice disrupted her.

«Shoot!»

Clementine immediately straightened in her seat, almost knocking over her crutches in the act.

«Come on little man, you're getting better every day.»

«Really?» asked AJ, and as soon Louis nodded, he turned to Clementine, beaming. «Clem! Do you think so… were you sleeping?»

Clearing her throat, she tried to fix her hair messed by the previous position; passing her fingers between the curly locks, she thought that she definitely needed a trim. «No, I wasn't.»

By AJ's furrowed brow, and the mischief sparkling in Louis' eyes, Clementine knew she didn't fool anyone.

«See AJ? That's clearly the observant and attentive expression of a woman fully awake.» Louis teased, eliciting a chuckle from AJ.

«Very funny.» Clementine rolled her eyes, but she was unable to keep the smile from curling her lips.

«Why didn't you say you were tired?» AJ tilted his head, fully turning towards her while still sitting on the bench.

Clementine smiled softly. «Because I wanted to listen to you.»

AJ grinned, but as he opened his mouth, a yawn blocked any word.

«And apparently I'm not the only one tired.»

A pout formed on his face, knowing that this meant the end of his piano lessons. He wanted to protest, but the rise of Clementine's eyebrows shut any complaint.

«There is always tomorrow.» Louis nudged him, making AJ smile again.

Like most evenings, AJ jumped off the bench to grasp her crutches, helping Clementine to stand as Louis closed the piano's lid.

Quickly Louis was close to Clementine too, his hands hovering around her body in case she fell, ready to assist her, but she immediately found her balance. It had been months since was bitten, and even if she still wasn't used to the missing leg - and she doubted she was ever going to -, she got better using the crutches.

«You ready to go little dude?» Louis asked, his hand finding its place on Clementine's lower back; as natural the act felt now for the two of them, the sensation his touch gave her was never going to be mundane, and the tingles spreading from it were very welcomed.

AJ didn't answer, his focus lost on the piano.

«AJ? You there?» Clementine inquired.

«Why did they write that?» AJ finally spoke, pointing to the side of the instrument.

There was no need to follow his index to understand what he was referring to: even in the dimly lit room, what the carved words said was unmistakable.

"You suck at playing".

The change in Louis' expression was sudden, but Clementine noticed the sadness his eyes held for a moment, before he covered it with his usual grin.

«Some needed to be more than vocal about their opinion on my playing.» he laughed it off as he turned towards the door, waiting for Clementine and AJ to follow him. «Unfortunately for them, I can't be stopped that easily, especially when there is a piano involved.» he continued lightly as they exited the music room.

AJ watched Clementine for guidance, confused and a bit distressed by his words, but she couldn't help but head her wary gaze on Louis, who kept looking forward.

It was quite late, and many were already into their rooms as they passed in the corridors. The moonlight permitted them to see easily that night, but even AJ and Clementine knew the school so well enough that they could walk in it blinded.

«Who did it?» AJ murmured, and if it was not to wake anyone who could possibly be asleep or if because he feared Louis' answer, Clementine couldn't tell.

Louis didn't answer immediately, a frown now evident on his face. «It doesn't really matter I guess, he's long gone now.»

«Was he a friend?» AJ's voice seemed to be even quieter.

«AJ.» Clementine warned, but Louis reassuringly squeezed her waist.

«I definitely can't say I considered him a friend.» he chuckled wryly.

«Oh.» was everything AJ had to say for the moment. He seemed lost in thought, and when Clementine assumed he didn't have anything else to say on the matter, he looked up at Louis again. «I think you're really good at playing the piano. A real musician!»

Louis' light laughter was finally genuine. «Thanks buddy. You're becoming a real musician too.»

AJ's eyes sparkled at the compliment, and puffing out his chest, his walk assumed a little bounce at every step.

When they arrived in front of their room AJ was quick to open the door, and before Louis could enter, Clementine stopped him.

«AJ go to bed, we'll be right over.»

«But…»

«No buts.» insisted Clementine.

AJ didn't move, glancing quickly at her leg - or where it was supposed to be.

«Don't worry little man, I'm with her.» reassured Louis, and with that AJ hesitantly closed the door, but not without giving Clementine one last doubtful look. She had to suppress a sigh.

As soon the door clicked shut, Louis chuckled, placing his hands on Clementine's hips and turning her towards him.

«Did you want a goodnight kiss?»

«That's not the reason.» she laughed. «But I'm not opposed to it.»

He lowered his head for a moment as he giggled, his dreads covering his face as he did so, making Clementine smile. However, as he leaned over her, she slightly backed off.

Louis widened his eyes and gasped, pretending to be shocked.

Playfully rolling her eyes, Clementine gave Louis a simple peck on his cheek, but before she could pull away he turned his head, finding her lips with his and deepening the kiss. She gasped softly, and as he pushed Clementine against himself by placing a hand on her back, tangling the fingers of his other in her hair, she almost forgot what she wanted to ask him. Almost.

«Louis!» she couldn't help her laughter, immediately followed by his.

«What? I was promised a kiss!»

Clementine shacked her head, the smile on her face seemed impossible to fade as she watched Louis and his toothy grin. «Idiot.»

The pale moonlight showed clearly his flushed skin and the cheerful light in his eyes. «And since you're into that, I better keep acting like one.» he shrugged.

He chuckled as she pecked his lips, but this time he waited, giving her the possibility to talk but without removing his hands from her. Louis frowned when her features turned serious, looking at him with a worried gaze.

«You know you aren't forced to answer to every question, right?»

«And leave him hanging? No way, that would be rude.» he tried to joke, but Clementine just gave him a feeble smile.

«I'm sorry if he brought back bad memories.» she whispered.

«No, he didn't.» Louis kissed her forehead. «He can ask whatever he wants.» then he observed her with a little smirk. «You can too, you know?»

Clementine searched for confirmation in his eyes, speaking slowly. «Was it really someone we didn't get to know?» she asked carefully.

Louis chuckled. «AJ isn't the only curious one, huh?»

She shrugged sheepishly. «I did wonder about it.»

His grin faded a slightly, his gaze lost somewhere behind Clementine. «It did happen a bit after everything started, and we did already lose Ms. Martin too.» he began, his face now completely serious. «He was such a dick, always going against anyone, me in particular. I guess he was just tired of my bullshit, always saying how I am such a fucking moron, how I was going to die soon, and when he heard me playing he wanted me to shut it. One day I've found him exiting the music room, and I ran in there believing he tore apart the piano or something, so you can imagine how relieved I was when I saw it still standing there, and that he just carved that shit on it.» he forced a joyless laughter.

Clementine frowned. «What happened to him?»

Louis didn't force a smile anymore. «He said he was tired of this shithole, so he left the school. We didn't know what to do, if to go and search for him or just… wait. A few days later we saw him as…» he wasn't able to conclude, the words dying in his throat, but Clementine understood clearly.

She sighed. «This whole situation is able to bring out the worst of us.»

«He was an asshole before too,» he scoffed. «but it definitely got worse after. I realised he was just scared, like the rest of us, and I wish I understood it earlier. Maybe I could've done something, instead of trying to annoy him further.»

«He was scared, and so were you. You all were going through the same shit.»

«Yeah, I guess.» an embarrassed chuckle escaped his lips. «It's so stupid to think now how upset I was when I've found out what he did to the piano. When I played I only heard the mistakes I made, and this just made me make more of them. I was so frustrated. It felt like I forgot everything I’ve learned and…» Louis closed his eyes, breathing deeply. «Now it’s just part of it I guess.»

«It's not stupid.» Clementine tried to comfort him.

«We've been through worse stuff, that was nothing.»

«It’s not nothing, and it doesn't mean it can't hurt anyway.»

Louis took her chin in his fingers. «It doesn't anymore.»

«Are you sure?»

He kissed the tip of her nose, making her scrunch it up. «I am.» he confirmed with a grin, kissing then her lips again. And again.

The flutter of the butterflies in her stomach turned into a storm. Even if he was holding her it wasn't enough, Clementine needed to have Louis even closer. She wanted to be of the same solace he was able to give her.

She raised her hands, wanting to place them in his hair, but as she tried to do so, a clang resonated in the hallway, freezing them.

It was easy to find the culprit looking on the floor, where now her crutches laid.

From behind one of the doors it came a groan, telling them to piss off - Clementine had no doubt that it had to be Violet, but none of the other kids would have been kinder. Meanwhile, from their room, they could hear AJ's fast footsteps.

«What happened? Is Clem okay?» he asked in a hurry as soon he opened the door, but after taking a look at the two of them, the worry on his face was replaced by disgust. «Were you two kissing?»

A laugh roared in Louis' chest, while Clementine felt her cheeks turn red by the embarrassment. «Go back inside.»

«AJ no, help me with her crutches.» Louis asked with a grin as he kept holding Clementine.

Without needing to hear it a second time, AJ quickly grabbed them, helping Clementine to stand on her own.

Entering, Louis gave Clementine one last kiss on her cheek, not helping easing her flushed skin.

«Stop.» AJ frowned.

Louis chuckled. «One day you'll understand little man.»

A strong smell of coffee woke Clementine.

With her eyes still closed, she automatically searched with a hand for a second body in her bed, but feeling nothing but the mattress she remembered that Louis went hunting with Aasim earlier that morning.

Sitting she found AJ holding a cup for her to take. It wasn't a real habit that one, and sometimes it wasn't a pleasant occasion either: AJ brought her a cup every time he had a doubt and needed to talk to her about it. Or if he thought he did something wrong.

By the way he avoided her gaze and shifted uncomfortably on his feet, that day it must have been the latter.

«'Morning goofball.» she accepted the cup, enjoying the steam raising from it; it was getting colder and colder, and she hoped the school was well prepared against the winter.

«Clem…» he sighed.

«Right, right. You're too old for it.» Clementine chuckled, eagerly taking a sip that almost burned her tongue.

When he didn't respond, she frowned. What was on his mind to worry him so much?

Letting her legs dangle outside the bed's frame, she patted the space close to her. AJ sat without watching her, his hands clasped on his lap.

«Did I do something wrong by asking about the writing? Is Louis mad at me?»

«Did he do something to make you think so?»

A crease formed between AJ's eyebrows as he reflected on it, then he shacked his head. «He didn't.» he finally raised his worried gaze on Clementine. «But he looked mad when we talked about it last night.»

As she carefully considered her next words, Clementine looked at the dark liquid inside the mug before responding. «He's not mad at you.» she began.

A weight seemed to be lifted from AJ's shoulders. «Really?»

«Really.» taking another sip, Clementine looked outside the window, appreciating the prospect of that sunny day. «And isn't that you did something wrong by asking about it, but with certain questions you have to be careful AJ, you know that.»

«I was careful! It was just the three of us, so I thought I could ask.» AJ defended himself.

«You're right, it was just the three of us, but one question is enough.» Clementine placed her free hand on his shoulder. «If he wanted to talk more about it, he would've done it after the first one.»

«Oh.» AJ returned to look at his hands. «Louis doesn't like what it says, right?»

Clementine arched an eyebrow with curiosity. «Right.»

AJ nodded slightly. Then, he jumped off the bed. «Can I go drawing today?»

That surprised Clementine.

After Tenn's death, AJ didn't touch the pencils anymore, and it seemed it was going to remain that way.
Even when Violet gave him his friend's coloring box, AJ simply placed it on his desk, but never used it. It didn't go unnoticed, but Clementine didn't have to ask why he was acting that way.

She still remembered when Duck died, and the sorrow and guilt she felt. Sure, Clementine knew the two situations were very different, just like her and AJ's roles in it, but being the only kid between the two to survive what is basically hell on earth wasn't exactly something she really believed she would experience. That was the moment she really understood what was going on. If Duck died, then anyone could, but, somehow, it happened to him and not to her.

If later on she would have had the possibility to draw, something she did in Duck's company, Clementine doubted she would have done it without constantly thinking about him, without those ugly feelings devouring her.

«Sure, have fun.» she decided, and AJ seemed content with it. Resting one day from his chores wasn't going to be a problem; they weren't supposed to be in a hurry anymore.

Boredom: that was something Clementine didn't expect to feel anymore.

Writing on the notebook Aasim gave her weeks ago, Clementine was listing every supply - or random but probably useful object - Ruby and Omar found while clearing one of the areas Marlon closed to make sure they were "safe". They took turns clearing the school, and that day AJ was supposed to be helping too, but skipping once wasn't going to hurt anyone - she hoped at least.

Bored because of a task that it was actually needed - even if she didn't believe Aasim at first, thinking it was only to make sure she had something to do since she couldn't help as much as she wanted anymore. Bored by actually doing something, without the torment of a walker or a living creeping up on her, feeling her heart in her throat as she waited.

Fuck, she even missed this feeling.

Placing the pen on the page she was supposed to complete, Clementine began to rotate her hand, hoping the wrist would stop hurting from all the writing she did that day. With a sigh she closed her eyes, tilting back her head and enjoying the sunlight.

After breakfast she barely saw AJ, which was rare: even if he had something to do, wherever it was inside the school, he always made sure to check on Clementine repeatedly. The only days he used to spend away from her were the ones he spent outside, hunting, fishing or accompanying one of the others on a mission, like checking on the caravan with Louis.

As much as she didn't miss roaming without a clear destination in mind, knowing she didn't have anymore her mobility made her restless. The first weeks after the amputation she barely slept, waking at every sound and almost jumping out of the bed to reach AJ in case he needed protection. But now she was starting to relax, living between the fear of something going wrong and the feeling of safety that place and those people brought her; this made Clementine even more scared.

«We should use one of the new spaces as a ball pit.» came Louis' voice from the gate, and just as she heard him, Clementine smiled. Turning, she saw Willy opening it, letting in an exasperated Aasim and grinning Louis.

Aasim groaned. «I preferred when you didn't show up.»

«What? And bring back less food? Just because you're jealous of my brilliant ideas?» Louis shacked his head with mock disappointment. «I didn't think you were so selfish.»

When the gates were finally closed behind them, Aasim took the rabbits from Louis' hands. «I don't want to see you for the rest of the day.»

«We don't talk anymore!» Louis raised his voice to make sure Aasim heard him as he left, but the other didn't even turn, muttering something incomprehensible under his breath.

As if Clementine was a magnet, Louis automatically turned to her, his grin turning soft as he looked at her. Her heart skipped a beat as their gazes locked.

«Hey there.» she murmured as he leaned over her, kissing Clementine on her head. «Hope you didn't exhaust poor Aasim too much.»

«You know me, I'm an angel.» he smirked as he took a seat close to her on the bench. «What about you? How did today go?»

Clementine shrugged, closing the notebook. «Just like the others.» the pleasure of being able to give such an answer was immeasurable.

Louis' smile matched hers. «And AJ?»

«Today he wanted to draw.» she looked toward the school.

«Oh?»

«I know.» she sighed. «And this morning he was afraid you were mad at him.»

Taking her hand in his, he caressed her knuckles with his thumb. «I'll talk to him, so he knows I am not.»

«Thank you.» Clementine smiled.

«Nothing to thank for, you know it.» he squeezed her hand.

Looking at their hold, she felt relieved. «And for the first time he didn't follow every single step I took.» Clementine revealed.

«You know he does this because he cares.» then he gave her a sheepish look. «We do this because we care.»

Clementine placed her head on his shoulder. «Yeah, I know, but he also feels responsible, and I don't like that he feels that way.»

«It's understandable that he feels like this, but just like you always took care of him, he also always took care of you in his own way, and now he's just more careful with you. Nothing new, really. The kid adores you. He just needs to understand that in here you're safe.»

But for how long?, she worried, but decided to keep to herself the little voice in the back of her head.

«You both need to understand this, Clem.» Louis remarked, surprising her.

Clementine raised her head, looking at him. Louis still wasn't the one she spent most of her life with, but he could read her like no one else ever did anyway.

At every single problem, all the groups she took part of - or saw - crumbled, but this one survived the abandonment of the adults, Marlon’s schemes, his death, and the Delta. She knew all this already, but it was still hard to keep in mind most days, especially when bad memories were brought back.

Now they were expanding their home, making it bigger and safer, using again spaces they thought were long gone, and even if not everything they planned always worked, they understood from their mistakes what to do next, and how to solve the new problems. It seemed too good to be true, but for once it actually was.

Louis placed his palm on her cheek, caressing her skin with his thumb. She grabbed his hand with hers, interlocking their fingers and turning to kiss his wrist.

With a soft smile he leaned over her, but AJ's voice interrupted them.

«Louis! You're back!»

«Little dude! Of course I am.» he grinned at AJ as he pulled away from Clementine, but still holding her hand.

All of a sudden, AJ looked shy. «Can you come with me?»

Louis seemed intrigued. He looked back at Clementine, but she had no idea what he had planned.

«I can do that.»

AJ was weirdly silent as he guided them through the school, but it didn't take many steps for them to understand that he was bringing them to the music room.

Clementine thought he was going to lead them to their room, sharing what he had drawn as he used to do, but now she was just confused.

When he opened the door, at first everything seemed like it always did.

The setting sun illuminated the room, and its golden rays reflected on the surfaces. The piano looked untouched, with the lid still closed to protect the keys. However, focusing on the side of the instrument, they saw the paper now attached to it.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows, taking long steps to close the distance with it.

He kneeled in front of it, examining what was a single drawing made by AJ, which continued irregularly on more pieces of paper, enough to cover the infamous carving.

It depicted Louis, playing that same piano, and from it came out what were supposed to be colourful musical notes, expanding on the different pages. Clementine and AJ were in there too, and not only them, but also all the other kids of that school; some were still there, but there were some that they had lost in their fight against the Delta too. Louis couldn't tear his eyes away from the rough depiction of Marlon and Tenn.

AJ was a better pianist than artist, but Clementine still thought it was beautiful nonetheless.

AJ looked up at Clementine, worry on his face as Louis kept observing what he did. She gave him a nod, encouraging AJ to take a step forward.

«I know you always say that people tells you that you don't know how to play, and maybe some really believes it, but I still remember the party, and the way everyone listened to you.» AJ explained. «You're a talented musician, and I'm sure it's not only me and Clem to think so.»

Louis touched the border of the pages, the carving long forgotten.

He finally turned to AJ, who looked as if he was expecting a lecture.

«AJ, this… I…» His voice was hoarse, his eyes glossy. «This is great. Thank you.»

AJ beamed at him. «Really? Do you like it?»

Louis scooped him up into his arms, hugging him tightly. «I love it.»

A joyful laughter came from the youngest as he reciprocated the embrace.

As Clementine watched them, with her heart feeling full in her chest, she thought that, if there were going to be more moments like this, then the fear it came with lowering her guards was worth it.