Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gojo Satoru is finally devoid of feeling.

The last thing he remembered was a swift, yet painful, hit to the lower half of his body. The most recent memory he could recall was that he was supposedly in Shibuya right now, yet the view in front of him did not compare in the least to the bustling city of Shibuya.

” Not really, we should be fine. We’re… the strongest.”

Those words echo in his mind. He sees a view he has seen before as soon as he opens his eyes. The salt air stings his vision, and once he could see the blazing brightness through his sunglasses, he finds himself plunged in beach water, sun rays tenderly warming up his skin.

” Satoru. You’ve been using your technique nonstop since yesterday, haven’t you?

Why are you here, Suguru? Satoru asks this. He could only stare at his closest friend's seemingly alive presence, his hair put in a bun just like how he did in high school. Suguru Geto no longer exists... he was killed and his body was used. Only a miracle could have brought him, the genuine Suguru, here, right in front of Satoru again.

” At least curse at me a little at the very end.”

The scene changes in a matter of seconds. Satoru is still standing in front of Suguru, but this time his hair is loosened and he is helplessly leaning against a wall. Suguru's pale complexion turns crimson on the other side of his body, and Satoru recalls this as the day he lost half his humanity. He doesn't understand why, yet again, he had to go through the sequence of witnessing Suguru's body give up, his helplessness to touch or protect his corpse, and how he chastised fate for placing them in this position.

Satoru would have burned him to ashes if he had known any better.

But as the regret, anguish, and what-ifs set in... Gojo Satoru couldn't feel anymore. He glances up at the sky, and he's finally back in the present. He has no idea where he is, and his memory is hazy and occupied with the memories that have taken over his mind. Isn't there a phrase for that? Watching your life flash before your eyes, was it?

Ah, Gojo finally realizes.

What a coincidence for him to die on the same day his Suguru did. Despite being coated in blood, his mouth smiles at the thought. Perhaps this lifetime could not handle the bond that he and Suguru shared, and perhaps that bond was always meant to fall apart. But, if the gods still had any humanity left in them, then maybe... just maybe, they could bless the man they have cursed the most.

—

It's pretty comfortable, perhaps too comfortable.

Satoru clutched the cushion that was already in his arms. Has his bed ever felt this warm before? Has his comforter ever reminded him of a cloud? Whatever it was, Satoru almost felt as if he was sent to heaven with the way his bed's covers curled around his body. He smiles to himself as he enjoys the warmth, and he extends his arms to reach for another pillow, but his hand is hit with something that is most definitely not an item.

A body.

He rubs his eyes open and, still lying down, glances out the window to see a view he has never seen before. This was not his bed, nor was it his apartment, and as he contemplates this, a stinging pain in his head, almost like a knife to his brain, resonates in his head. He groans in anguish, and the slight noise he produces awakens the body next to him, which is thankfully not a dead one.

"...Fuck." Satoru catches a glimpse of the man who is resting next to him. He had long black hair, and his eyes reminded Satoru of the cats he pets on his walk to campus. However, he could relate his manner to that of a snake more, or perhaps that's just what Satoru figured when he saw the snake tattoo on his muscled back. God, whoever this man was, he surely never skips a day at the gym.

“Where am I?" Satoru interrupts the silence. The black-haired man stands up, gathering his undergarments and trousers off the floor and putting them on in front of Satoru. Satoru stifles a flustered sound, and the man returns his gaze to him once he has finished dressing up.

“Gojo Satoru, was it?” the guy replies, “To put it shortly, we met at that college party that was thrown by one of the university’s student council members, you and I had too many to drink, and the next thing we know… we both wake up naked to crazy hangovers in my apartment.”

“So we were drunk and hooked up?”

“Mhm.”

Satoru looked under the covers and he could confirm that he was wearing nothing. It was a shame that he could barely remember anything from last night, because if he had hooked up with a guy this hot, he would have wanted to remember it. Damn the alcohol that drowned his memory, and damn himself for not remembering his name at the least.

“Sorry, this might be a bit rude but… Have you already told me your name?”

“I haven’t.” the guy replies, “And I don’t think you need to know. If you’ll excuse me… I’ll hop into the shower now. Your clothes are on the floor and your shoulder bag is on the counter, you can leave now.”

Talk about being impolite, or probably regretful. Satoru's pride is shattered at the prospect of a hookup seeing him as a waste of space, and he can only laugh at the hostility of the guy he slept with.

"Do you know how many bitches would kill to be in your position right now?" Satoru murmurs to himself, his frustration combined with the shuddering pain of a hangover at the time. He stands up and gathers his clothes off the floor, and even though he thinks the snake-tattooed guy is one irritating piece of shit, he nevertheless fixes his bed and throws the condoms he found on the bedside table.

Suguru, fresh out of the shower, comes back to his room only to find fixed bed sheets and a clean floor. Satoru was nowhere to be found, and Suguru chuckled to himself once the coast was clear. He did not expect Gojo Satoru to go cleaning his apartment.

“...Satoru.” he lays down on the bed sheets, never minding that his hair is still wet. He begins to tear up, and as he wipes the tears away, he murmurs, “Why does my soul know who you are?”

—

“Oh, you’re alive.” Satoru gets greeted by Shoko, his best friend as well as the parasite that lives in the other room of his apartment, “You had fun with that black-haired guy?”

“If he wasn’t a bitch, maybe I would have.” Satoru groans, “Do you have soup or something? Jesus, I traveled all the way here with this fucking hangover, I feel like I’m about to pass out–”

“I’m surprised you didn’t last night. You know how many shots you took? It’s a miracle you woke up in a hot guy’s bedroom instead of the ER.” Shoko hands him crab and corn soup fresh from the stove, a tall glass of cold water, and a pill, “How was he, by the way?”

“I can’t remember shit.” Satoru groans as he digs in the soup, “I can’t even remember making out with the guy. That shithead also didn’t tell me his name, and was eager on kicking me out.”

Shoko laughs hysterically, “Oh my fucking god, he probably thought you were terrible in bed.”

“Excuse me? I am never terrible in bed.”

“Yeah, but the difference is, you were almost passed out last night. You were so drunk – hell, you can’t even remember jack shit right now, you probably gave up after a round with him.”

“I swear to god, Shoko–” Satoru angrily swallows his pill, and as much as he wants to fight back, he restrains because, even if he hates to admit it, Shoko is probably right, “Goddamit. That guy was hot, how could I have fucked this up?”

“Eh, it happens. It’s not like you’re in love with him anyway, so no need to be depressed about fumbling him. You barely know him, after all.”

Shoko was right. Satoru had standards, and that guy was definitely not the only attractive person Satoru had ever hooked up with. He would blame it on his pride for being so caught up over him, but there’s another thing that Satoru couldn’t explain.

”Gojo Satoru, was it?”

It almost feels like he has heard that voice before, especially with the way he said his name, “He feels and sounds familiar.”

“Well, he is a student in our university, a hot one to be exact. You probably saw or heard him somewhere already.”

“Probably…” Satoru lies on the couch and lets his thoughts wander as he looks up at the ceiling, “Hey, Shoko.”

“Hm?”

“Think you can find the guy for me?”

Shoko immediately pulls out her laptop, “It’s an attractive college student; that shit’s a piece of cake for me.”

Shoko's lightning fingers typed on her keyboard to seek every potential clue, and if Satoru didn't know her and saw how she acted just now, he'd think she was an undergraduate programmer rather than a premed student. Shoko clicks on one Instagram page that looks just like Satoru’s hook-up, and Satoru smiles triumphantly.

“Geto Suguru, he’s a third-year like us and he’s in the civil engineering program.”

“Shoko, you amazing son of a bitch.”

“Do what you will with the information, just make sure you don’t look and act like a stalker, even if you are one.”

“Shut up.”

Suguru’s Instagram account was private, so there was not much information he could get from there, but he had a name. Satoru had never been this persistent before, but something about Suguru was just so striking that he absolutely could not leave this as a one-time thing.

“Hey.” Shoko taps his shoulder, “I know you kinda want to be proven wrong by your thoughts and convince yourself you aren’t a bad fuck… but why are you so caught up on him?”

“...I don’t know… It just feels like I’ve met him before.” Satoru smiles to himself, “Anyway, it’s a Saturday. You wanna hang out at Cycle?”

—

As usual, Cycle was crowded. It was a popular restaurant within the college, and the food was decent, but its popularity was mainly due to it being cheaper than any other restaurant on campus, and it also served coffee strong enough to keep its students going. Suguru Geto and Nanami Kento sat in the corner near the window, both with the strongest of coffees beside their laptops and eyebags painted on their faces.

“Fucking shit.” Suguru groans, “I should not have gotten that drunk last night. How am I going to finish this before Monday? God, I am never drinking again, I swear to God.”

“You say that, and you never actually stop.”

“...Hey, Kento. Have we met Gojo Satoru before? In high school, perhaps?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, he just feels familiar.” Suguru sips his coffee, “You know how you feel like everything familiar in a dream becomes unknown once you wake up? It feels like I’ve woken up. I seem to remember him from somewhere but I can’t put my finger on it.”

“...You do realize this is Gojo Satoru that we’re talking about, right? The guy from the business department, the guy that you can find in every corner of the university, the guy present in every party. If you hadn’t seen his face or heard his voice at least once then it would mean you lived under a rock.”

“You’re probably right.” Suguru sighs, most probably in relief, “Why am I thinking about him? I haven’t even finished this thing yet…”

Cycle suddenly gets a bit rowdier than it was before as a certain presence makes his appearance. A couple of handshakes and frat boy lingo could be heard, but what stood out the most from all the annoyances was the white-haired, blue-eyed face that Suguru could remember vividly.

“Sucks having a friend who knows every fucking person that roams this earth.”

“Oh don’t be jealous, Shoko, you’re still my best friend.”

Satoru’s focus shifts from the menu to the corner of the restaurant where he immediately spotted a blonde guy sitting with a guy that had his hair tied in a bun. He had his mouth turned into a shit-eating grin once he realized, and it might have also been faith that the only available seat in Cycle was the one beside those two.

“Shoko, I’ll get the burger meal, alright? Just gotta reserve some seats for us, this place is way too crowded.” He smirks as he makes his way to the seat he’s targeting, and he can already feel the glare of Suguru seeping into his soul.

“You look nice with your hair tied up.”

Both Kento and Suguru glance at each other before looking at the man beside them, who has the grin of a seeker finding his prey. Suguru’s face turns contorted, looking a bit shy, and Kento stifles out a chuckle seeing the expression on his face.

“Thank you.”

“I still didn’t catch your name.”

“Something tells me you already know.”

“You’re pretty smart, Suguru.”

“Yeah, I’m heading out.” Kento didn’t know what kind of tension was exuding from these two, whether intimate or just plain rivalry, but whatever it was, he wanted to head out immediately. Suguru sighed with irritation, and all he could do was glare at Satoru.

“You do this with all of your one-night stands?”

“Believe me or not, this was merely just by the hands of fate.” Satoru laughs, “You never really told me why you hate me so much. I doubt I was a terrible fuc–”

“Jesus, time and place.” Suguru’s eyes bulge out of his face as soon as Satoru mentions their night endeavor, “I don’t hate you, but I prefer the shit I do in my apartment to stay in my apartment. I also don’t like to be chased around.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m chasing you around.”

“You knew my name before I told you, Satoru.”

“I have eyes and ears planted on the ground, that was hardly a challenge for me.” he scoffs, “Hey… look, I don’t know what your deal is and you could just be a bitch by nature, but I do want to make it up to you if ever I was… terrible.”

Suguru sighs and decides to give in, “You weren’t terrible in bed. I liked it.”

"Now that's my cue to leave," Shoko says, swiftly setting down Satoru's burger and her salmon rice bowl before hurrying outside Cycle to smoke. Satoru and Suguru both crack up at what happened and as soon as they realized they were laughing together, they cough up their laughter and remain silent for a few seconds.

“...So I was good?”

“What are you getting at, Satoru?”

“I… gotta be honest with you.” Satoru breathes in before continuing, “I took too many shots last night during the party, and I completely blacked out. I can’t remember anything that happened after– whatever I remembered last. Putting it shortly, I cannot remember doing anything with you, not even making out.”

Suguru was taken aback. "I admit I did have a prejudiced assumption of you which led to my behavior…” his words trail off as he begins fixing up the stuff on his table, "I just didn't expect myself to be right." He wouldn't say he was heartbroken, but someone completely forgetting a time he had become vulnerable, which was pretty difficult to do under Suguru's terms, was an arrow through his heart and soul.

“Wait, n-no, Suguru–”

Suguru. Suguru.

The way he says it is unlike any other. He has heard many people call out his name, either in the most endearing way possible, in the form of a scolding, or being called for a graded recitation, yet it was never in the way Satoru says it. Satoru pronounces his name as if he hadn’t only met him yesterday; as if he was always someone that was embedded in his mind.

"I've never done anything like this before. Sure, I slept around, but forgetting an experience like this is a rare occurrence for me." Satoru's remarks had the tone of pleading, asking for Suguru to stay and not desert him again, "And it sucked that it had to happen with you, of all people–”

“Of all people? You only met me last night.”

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

Both of them stay still in their seats. Suguru was going to pack his belongings and leave when Satoru's statement made him reconsider. He believed he was going insane, dreaming up something as ridiculous as meeting the school's campus heartthrob in a previous life, yet here was the blue-eyed lad, spewing the same drivel as Suguru's thoughts.

“I mean, yeah, we did meet just yesterday but–”

“Satoru.” God, the way he says his name, “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

Satoru smiles in victory as he manages to make Suguru stay, “So… would you like to meet me another time? You know, one where we wouldn’t bother Shoko, the girl who just left, and that blonde friend of yours?”

Suguru chuckles, “Yeah. Let’s… see each other again.”

It would have been a sin for Suguru to deny himself of this feeling, even if he had his own doubts swarming all throughout the conversation. Gojo Satoru may not be the person Suguru expected in his life, but it seems that despite all odds, they were meant to cross each other’s paths.

He wonders, once more, when and where he’s felt this way before.

Chapter Text

When Satoru was in seventh grade, he discovered his bisexuality due to a seatmate he had. It was years ago, so if you asked him to recall what the boy’s face looked like, he wouldn’t remember.

It was merely a childhood memory. Satoru, at thirteen, did not have the happy demeanor he had now; he spoke with the quietest of remarks and smallest of phrases. He loathed giving credit to others for his self-development, but he couldn't deny that boy helped him emerge out of his shell. The boy took him into his circle for a group project when no one else would, he helped him get the peers he now has, and he was Satoru's first boy crush. Satoru felt no shame when he discovered he was capable of such feelings; he simply embraced this part of himself. It was the kind of enthusiastic, giddy, puppy-like crush you'd only get at thirteen.

Yet here he was at 21, smiling from ear-to-ear at his seat in the restaurant.

“Remove that smile on your face, you look like a creep.” Shoko sits down in front of him and she looks at the empty table beside them, “Seems like they left already. Anyway, I know I’ll learn about this against my will anyway so, how was the talk with Suguru?”

“I… think I got myself a date.” Satoru grins as he takes a bite into his burger, “I told you. I am never terrible in bed.”

“Ah, I see.” she chuckles, licking the rice off of her spoon, “I had this crazy assumption that you fell in love at first sight, but everything’s clear now – you’re just trying to get in his pants again. Trying to get a taste after you forgot the flavor?”

“I-It is absolutely not like that!” he stutters, “I’m just trying to get where I can. He seems like a cool guy who he could become our friend.”

“A friend you hook up with?”

“Maybe.” he jokes back, “I-I don’t know. I just want to get to know him better.”

Shoko gasps in shock, almost dropping her spoon in disbelief, “Holy shit, are you blushing? You are actually blushing, holy, I need to get this on video–”

“I will fucking kill you, Ieri Shoko.”

Satoru had his first girlfriend in eleventh grade. They were members of the same high school marketing organization, and after being invited into her room to work together on a project, Satoru awoke the next morning with his virginity gone. He started dating the girl afterwards, but Satoru soon realized he wasn't cut out to be in a committed relationship after a few disputes, mostly regarding his lack of effort towards the girl. When the relationship ended, he slept around, had one-night stands, had regular partners, and he never became emotionally vulnerable around them. Some became friends, some strangers (often those who demanded more than he could provide), but none ever became lovers. Satoru never seeked them out. They would always run towards him, and it would be his call to push them away or not.

Shoko’s reaction was nothing but valid. Never in a million years did she imagine Gojo Satoru to be chasing someone else.

—

“I thought you were joking when you said you hooked up with Gojo Satoru.” Kento shakes his head in disbelief while placing the cleaned dishes on the dish rack, “You disappeared that night. I already had an idea you were going to take someone home, but he was definitely the last person on my mind.”

“It’s not something I expected as well.” Suguru sighs as he thinks about that night once again.

He met Gojo Satoru during a house party held by one of the university council members. Satoru was surrounded by practically everyone, and everyone who approached him brought at least one shot of alcohol for him to drink. Knowing that many people, it was inevitable for Satoru to become a drunken mess. Suguru normally wouldn't give a shit about a drunk guy at a party, but fate knows how to intervene.

Suguru, being the attractive individual that he is, also received a handful of shots from his peers. Kento had lost him by this point, resulting in Suguru becoming the knocked-out mess he had judged Satoru to be. It didn't help that the music was loud enough to make his ears ring, and the lights were bright enough to cause him to have a headache he swore was a seizure.

After that, everything becomes hazy. He was now inside the house’s bathroom (not knowing how he got there in the first place), and he feels himself caressing someone and his lips intertwining with another. The white-haired guy clung to him desperately, pushing him up on the counter then softly nibbling on his neck. Neither of them had the sobriety to halt what was happening, so they both decide to melt into each other's warmth, holding hands as they allowed lust to take control.

”Get the fuck out of the bathroom! Some people need to actually take a shit!”

A shout and multiple loud knocks to the bathroom door woke both of the boys up, and they quietly laugh at the scolding given to them. They gaze into each other’s eyes, and before Satoru could continue kissing Suguru, he manages to stop him.

”My apartment unit’s inside the building beside this one. Wanna continue there?”

Satoru nods with enthusiasm, ”Yeah. That would be better.”

After that, what happened was–
Wait. Wait. What happened?

“Holy fuck.” Suguru exclaims, which takes Kento by surprise, “I… cannot remember what happened that night.”

“Good, because I was hoping for you to spare me the details.”

“No, no, you don’t understand. I was kind of mad at him for not being able to remember anything, because come on, you fuck a guy and you can’t remember anything? Granted we were drunk but– no, what I’m trying to say is, I remember what happened between us a while ago, why can’t I remember now?”

“You were drunk. Probably the reason.”

“N-No, I swear–” Suguru stops in his tracks, doubtful that Kento would be able to understand, because he himself couldn’t understand. A few hours ago, he knew that memory all too well it played like a movie in his mind, but now the only thing he could remember was what happened in the bathroom, and nothing after. Not even the walk back to his apartment.

“It’s probably nothing.” he whispers to himself, “I’ll go back to my unit now, Kento.”

“Alright, see you.”

Suguru returns to his flat and attempts to retrace his steps by wandering around every corner, but nothing comes to mind. He lies down on his bed, but the only memory he can recall while lying there is the morning after their ordeal. He now regrets his behavior towards Satoru.

He sits down at his desk and takes out his laptop and iPad. He remembers the quiz he needed to study for, and he plans to make use of this study session to divert his attention from the recent events. After putting The Weeknd on Spotify and opening up his readings for structural analysis, there was no room in his head for Gojo Satoru. Tonight, it's just him, the fundamentals of civil engineering, and Abel Tesfaye.

But Suguru’s mind gives up eventually. He feels his mind about to collapse after four hours of nonstop studying with occasional five-minute water breaks. If he didn't get at least 80% on the quiz, he might just jump out of his own fucking window. He grabs a pack of cigarettes and heads out to his balcony for some fresh air, and as he pulls out his phone, he discovers a slew of texts from Satoru. He forgot he gave him his phone number while they were at Cycle.

Gojo Satoru: busy? :(
Gojo Satoru: call me when ure free ;)

Suguru hates himself for grinning at that winky face. These messages were sent two hours ago, and currently, it was 2:03 AM. Would Suguru still be up at this hour? Then again, he is a university student and a business major, so…

“You called.” Satoru actually picked up. Suguru could only hear his voice, but he could sense Satoru’s relief. He was glad that he called.

“You seemed persuasive.”

”Did I? Either way, you still had the choice to respond to me or not.” Satoru chuckles, ”Aren’t you busy? You studying about bridges and shit?”

“Something like that.” Suguru softly laughs, “I took a break since I was studying since 10. How about you? Or is the stereotype about business majors only knowing how to party true?”

”You’d be surprised at how good I run an Excel sheet, the bedsheets aren’t my only specialty.”

“God, somehow I knew you were going to say that.” Suguru puts out his cigarette, and he stares behind him to look at his apartment. None of those memories with Satoru are still making its way back to him despite hearing his voice again, “When will you be free, Satoru?”

”I should be the one asking you that.”

Suguru smiles, “I kinda need to speedrun a ton of shit for this week. Would Friday evening work?”

”Of course.”

The music still continues to play in the background. Suguru doesn’t turn it off, figuring it suited his mood right now.

♫ Even though we're goin' through it

And it makes you feel alone

Just know that I would die for you ♫

—

Shoko stares at the digital clock and sees 3:00 AM printed on the screen. She finally decides to close her laptop, her whole body weakened from the amount of shit she had to study. Choosing health sciences was a mistake.

“Shoko, you’re still up?” As Shoko was trying to find a midnight snack, she encountered Satoru in their kitchen, “You’ve been studying all day. You should be lying down by now, isn’t your Monday class at 8 AM?”

“I have been looking at a model of the brain for an hour now. I swear to God, my own brain is having its own identity crisis right now from looking at that shit and it’s just so fucking fried that if you bit into it, it would taste like chicken.” Shoko hastily grabs the box of brownies she found and begins munching on them, “And you? What were you doing?”

“Suguru called.” he says, “We’ve only discussed the details of our date now. He says we can go out Friday night.”

“Great, don’t get pregnant, I guess.”

“Bitch.”

Satoru could hardly wait for Friday. He spaces out in his microeconomics class thinking about Suguru, still desperately trying to recall what happened during the party. He could remember bits and pieces of them making out inside the bathroom (which was really good, in his opinion), but whatever they did in the apartment was unknown to him. Did they even fuck at all? Maybe Suguru was just dreaming shit.

The bells have rung, and Satoru thinks time is moving too slow. He wants to whine thinking about how he has to wait a few more days to see Suguru again. As he walks out of the classroom, he spots a couple of girls staring at him, but he doesn’t bother batting an eye at them. He didn’t find the attention tempting. He is, weirdly, staying loyal to Suguru for now, and does not intend to break that devotion anytime soon.

There was another reason for Satoru's popularity. It was already awful that he was conventionally gorgeous, but it was even more terrible to know that Satoru was an absolute god in every class he took. He hardly studies and spends most of his time outside, but his grades were always in the top percentile. He had so much knowledge stored within him that it blessed him with so much free time, but there was never someone he could truly spend all that time with – not even Shoko.

Shoko is enrolled in a pre-medical program so she's confined to the university's laboratories and can only really see Satoru on Saturdays. Sure, Satoru has other friends with whom he parties and drinks with besides Shoko, but he has never had an emotional connection as strong as the one he has with Shoko to trouble them on a Monday afternoon.

Even though Satoru is aware that there are many others who would pay for his presence, he has never liked disturbing anyone, not even Shoko. He could make an attempt to find a partner, a lover even, so that he would know how to waste his time, but he considers it too much work, and he did not want to repeat what happened in eleventh grade.

Satoru had accepted that he was going to spend his life alone after he graduates. His hometown isn’t something he really wanted to go back to, so there wasn’t really any family he could rely on. He could spend his adult life with Shoko, but then again, he know things would change once Shoko starts chasing her dreams and gets married. She may not know it yet, but Satoru was sure she wouldn’t stay still.

He doesn’t get depressed about it, though. After all, it hasn’t happened yet. Things could change.

“Oh my god.” Shoko forces their apartment door open which makes Satoru startled in shock, watching her basically throw all of her bags to the ground, “I fucking failed my biochemistry quiz. I fucking failed it.”

Shoko drops to the couch face first and Satoru could already feel the heartbreak in her voice. He carefully gets closer to her, “It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just one quiz, you can do better next ti–”

“I-I barely got a passing mark in my last test as well.” Shoko’s voice starts to break, “I feel dumb. I feel so, so dumb. I was determined to get into med school, but nothing I do is worth it. I don’t even think I can graduate at this point, I-I don’t even think God is by my side at this point. I thought I’d be used to the pain since it’s already my third year, but it still hurts. I feel like shit, I feel like absolute shit.”

Satoru hugs her tightly, letting her tears fall down on his sweater so that it could get wiped off, “Hey. You are an intelligent and brilliant young woman. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your efforts. You’ve always managed to jump back with ease, right? Knowing you, I know you can. You’ll do better next time, I promise.”

Shoko breaks down in Satoru’s arms. Satoru may never fully understand the pain of academic failure, but he knows how much it all meant to Shoko, so for the majority of their college years, he has spent his time lending his shoulder for Shoko to cry on.

Satoru’s love for Shoko isn’t romantic, and neither was Shoko’s. A lot of people seemed to have the wrong idea about them, but they never really wanted to cross that boundary of their friendship. People may never get the chance to know what it was like in their shoes, but all they could say was, they would absolutely sacrifice anything for the other.

“I’m sorry I have to cancel.” Satoru expresses deep regret as he calls Suguru, “My friend, Shoko, is in a bad mood today. I don’t really want to leave her alone.”

“That’s fine. Take care of her.” Suguru would normally end the call then and there, but he continues, “Hey, where do you guys stay? And what’s Shoko’s favorite food?”

The doorbell rings and Satoru becomes relieved upon opening the door to see Suguru with five beers and a box of roasted chicken, “I figured she might need more than one bottle.”

“Who’s there?” Shoko, covered in blankets, asks as she comes to the door, “Oh. It’s Geto Suguru in the flesh.”

“Ieri Shoko, was it? I… brought you some stuff. Satoru mentioned that you liked anything that wasn’t sweet, and that your favorite dish was… alcohol?”

“You know me so well.” Shoko smiles at Satoru before helping Suguru with all the bottles in hand, “You’re nicer than I expected, Suguru. Seems like Satoru just likes talking shit about people.”

“Hey!” Satoru becomes flustered, “L-Look, that’s not what she meant, okay–”

“It’s fine, Satoru. I hope you guys don’t mind me staying here.”

“I know someone who definitely doesn’t mind.” Shoko chuckles, but immediately gets violently smacked by Satoru, “FUCK–”

Suguru finds their sibling-like bond amusing. He isn't bothered in the least; in fact, he was quite entertained to witness a different side of Gojo Satoru: the one outside the business major plus party boy combo, the one that only those inside his apartment could see, the one that was ready to come to his best friend’s rescue. He was also pleased to befriend Ieri Shoko; it was quite effortless to get along with her due to similar interests. They both smoke, despise the major they've chosen, are extreme academic achievers, and have a love-hate relationship with Gojo Satoru.

“God, where have you been all my life, Suguru?” Shoko’s on her third beer, and while she isn’t drunk yet, she starts to get more vocal with her feelings, “I’m sooo sorry I ruined your date with Satoru. I swear though, I love you so much, we are like – totally besties right now.

“Since when did you talk like that?” Satoru watches Shoko’s body slightly wobble, and he immediately catches her as soon as she falls, “Seems like both the fatigue and drunkenness caught up to her. I’ll just carry her to her bedroom.”

“I’ll help you.”

They gently place Shoko on her bed, making sure she’s all wrapped up under the covers. Satoru even placed two pillows on both of her sides, just how she likes it.

“She’s been pressured a lot lately… she really needed this rest.” Satoru sighs, “I’m sorry our date got cancelled. I’ll make up for it next time.”

“No need to apologize, Satoru.” Suguru takes a quick glance at Shoko again, “I’d do the same for Kento as well – my friend, the blonde one. Also, I’m very glad I got to meet her. She’s an interesting girl.”

“Ah, so you’re interested in her?”

“Jealous?”

Satoru smiles at Suguru's attempt to rile him up, so he takes Suguru's hand in his and leads him to the living room. They both sit on the couch, with Satoru leaning in closer to Suguru's face, saying, "Push me away if you don't want this."

All Suguru could do was nod. Satoru puts his hand on the other's cheek and starts with a soft kiss. He looks at Suguru before proceeding, and after the signal is given, he rests his hand on Suguru's chest and begins to go deeper with the kiss. Suguru lightly gasps at the abrupt change in intensity, yet he doesn't dislike it. He puts his arms around Satoru and carefully lays his back on the couch once Satoru is on top of him. Satoru slips under Suguru's sweater, but a hand stops him immediately.

“Satoru…” he looks at him, “Let’s do this when we’re both sober, okay?”

“...We only drank one beer each. Shoko drank the rest.”

“Still… I just don’t want this to be something we do under the influence.” Suguru sits up, and he chuckles at Satoru’s obviously disappointed face. He leans in closer and gives him one passionate kiss, “I don’t think we’d want to disturb Shoko’s sleep as well.”

“...Okay.” Satoru sighs, but there’s nothing he can do about it. He’d rather run through train tracks than cross the line with Suguru.

“...I didn’t notice the time. Seems like it’s past three already.” Suguru stands up from the couch and he gathers his belongings. Satoru follows him to the door, and he holds his hand before allowing the other to leave.

“Promise me we’ll do it next time. On our next date”

“How eager.” Suguru chuckles, and kisses him one more time, “Yeah, let’s do it next time. Just make sure you’re prepared.”

The pink blush on Satoru’s face spreads as soon as Suguru kisses him, and he’s almost too flustered to respond to him, “Y-Yeah, I’ll be prepared.”

“Bye, Satoru. Thank you for this night.”

“B-Bye, Suguru.”

He lets go of his hand, and after he sees Suguru enter the apartment's elevator, he closes the door. His back is against the closed door, and he slides down to the floor, his hands covering his face as the pink flush on his cheeks from earlier fades to pure red. He feels like he's thirteen again: young, stupid, and figuring out what falling in love felt like.

Chapter Text

”My apartment unit’s inside the building beside this one. Wanna continue there?”

When the two of them exited the bathroom, they were relieved to discover that the man yelling at them was inebriated enough to remember their faces. They giggle at their brief adventure and the thrill of almost being caught, but they waste no time and rush out of the party.

The walk and the elevator ride to Suguru’s apartment was quiet. Satoru barely knew the guy and was drunk out of his mind to start a conversation, and he could tell the other didn’t have the energy to talk as well. However, as soon as Suguru unlocks the door, Satoru pushes him against the wall, brushing his lips on his neck. Suguru would interfere and tell him to wait until they went to the bedroom, but when he felt Satoru's lips on his, he had no more objections.

” Take your shirt off.” Satoru begs and the other obeys. That is when Satoru noticed the snake tattoo on his back, and he could not even describe how hot the atmosphere went as soon as he caught a glimpse of it for the first time. Suguru's hair was down, and he was panting from Satoru's passionate kisses, and his voice sounded heavenly. Satoru wishes he could never forget that night.

The memory after that becomes a TV static, and Satoru, despite his trying his best, could not remember what happened next. So much for intense kisses.
But immediately after that, Satoru wakes up in his high school body, wearing his favorite tinted sunglasses and a basketball in his hand. He’s on a high school basketball court, and beside him is none other than Suguru Geto, in his high school body as well, with his hair bun up and bangs down. He hadn’t seen this scene before but felt like he'd already lived through it. It wasn’t his memory, yet it felt like it couldn’t be anyone else’s.

“Quit making yourself feel better by spouting bullshit. Blegh.”

“Want to take this outside, Satoru?”

He misses him. He wishes he stayed here in this moment, playing basketball with Suguru, riding a bike through the forest with him, becoming stronger with him, becoming stronger because of him. Would he need to repent a thousand times in his next life just to get a happier ending with him?

He cries, and cries, and cries. He hears his students calling out for him, and he wipes his tears off with his blindfold as soon as he hears them getting closer.

…Wait, he was a teacher?

—

Shoko hears crying from Satoru’s room. She hurriedly rushes to his side, and she sees tears flowing down his face. In panic, she shakes his body and calls for his name, “Satoru? Are you okay? Satoru!”

Satoru wakes up from his slumber and he also feels the tears flowing down his face, quickly wiping them off as soon as it hits his lips, “I-I…”

“Bad dream? Or did something bad happen with you and Suguru last night while I was asleep?”

“N-No, it’s just…” Satoru didn’t know what that dream was all about. He was very sure the first part was his actual memory with Suguru, the night he forgot about, but the memory after that was unclear to him, wondering if it was fiction or reality. Of course, it was nothing but a figment of his dream as he had never actually met Suguru in high school nor did he play basketball with him, but it still felt odd. It feels like he’s seen this film before, “You know, I dreamt that I was a teacher. I had students, one of them looked like you, but I’m sure that wasn’t you.”

“...You were crying because you were a teacher?” Shoko chuckles, “You would be a terrible one.”

“Maybe.” he laughs at the thought, “I think I also regained some of my memories. You know, the night me and Suguru hooked up. It had another weird sequence though… it felt like he was an old friend, but it doesn’t feel like that now that I woke up.”

“Gosh, you’re dreaming about him already?”

Satoru smiled thinking about it, his cheeks reddening. "I know, it's weird, even for me. But it wasn't like a romantic dream or anything. We were just hanging out, talking like old pals. It felt so real. But now when I think about it, it's like trying to remember something I imagined when I was a child. Trying to know something I’ve never seen."

Shoko raised an eyebrow at his words, "What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Ugh, I can never get any useful input from you.” Satoru groans as he lies on his bed again, glancing at Shoko as soon as his head hits the pillows, “Yo… are you doing okay now? You cried a lot last night.”

“I hate you for that.” Shoko jokes. She sits on the bed beside Satoru, and proceeds to lie down with him, “It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you so serious with someone. I was genuinely happy to see your relationship with Suguru blossom… but you cancelled your date with him just for me. I feel guilty, that’s all.”

They sit there in silence for a couple of minutes, the scent of guilt swarming across the room. Shoko fiddles with her fingers as she begins to talk again, barely looking at Satoru, “I’m not someone you need to always take care of, Satoru. I’m stronger than you think. The next time Suguru calls you, you will absolutely not cancel your date for me or for anyone else.”

“You act like I completely ditched him.” Satoru glares at her, “Besides, it worked and turned out for the better, right? Even better since you got to spend time with him as well.”

“Yeah. Talking with a hot guy really does feel amazing.”

“God, back off, Ieiri fucking Shoko.”

Both of them laugh, making the silence from a while ago disappear in seconds. Shoko adjusts her position on the bed to look at Satoru, “I feel like I need to make it up to you somehow. You guys going on a date today?”

“We don’t have anything planned, so probably not.”

Shoko chuckles, rolling her eyes at her friend that barely knew the basics 101 of courtship, “Call him, and no, this isn’t a suggestion – it’s a command. I’ll also pay for whatever you guys will be spending on your date to make up for the fact that you guys had to take care of me… also payback for Suguru’s chicken and beer, I guess.”

“Oh my god, you’re… treating me?” Satoru comes closer to Shoko’s face, eyes glittering, “Oh my god, you’re possessed. Where is Ieiri Shoko? What did you do to her?”

“Shut up before I take it back.”

—

Suguru, half-naked without the motivation to rise from his bed, remained comfortably lying down even up until 11:00 AM. In the pursuit of his strict academic regimen, he made the effort to minimalize anything he did that wasn’t related to his studies, reserving his undivided attention to become a slave to his university. Was that too unhealthy? Perhaps, but it didn’t mean he didn’t treat himself, which is why he eagerly waits for the weekend to allow himself the pleasure of extended hours in bed. He thanks himself for not taking any Saturday classes.

He just awakened from an unsettling dream. In that dream, he found himself back in high school, which would have been normal, yet he found himself back in high school with Gojo Satoru (who he didn’t even go to high school with). However, it wasn’t that setting that haunted him, it was the lingering taste that clung to his senses–something that he consumed in his dream, which was alive, akin to the taste of rag soiled in vomit and grime. The last few minutes of his nightmare was what semeed to be his last moments, his back sliding down a cold wall while a tender pain seized his entire body.

It was undoubtedly an eerie dream. He still gets the chills just thinking about it.

"Wait..." As he pondered on his nightmare, he began to piece together the fragmented memories of what happened between him and Satoru that night at the party. He could only recall up to a certain point, which was when Satoru pushed him against the wall of his apartment. He flushes simply thinking about it, but it wasn’t enough to take his mind off that dream he just had. He shakes his head, attempting to forget.

His phone suddenly rings, and an expression of relief appears on his face once he saw the name Gojo Satoru on his screen, “Hello? I thought you only liked calling me at night?”

”You make me sound like someone I’m not.” Satoru chuckles over the phone, his voice slightly shaking as he tries to make out the words in his mind, ”Listen, Shoko wanted to thank you – us – for last night and she felt really guilty having us take care of her. Um, so she gave me money and… I was wondering, you know, if you wanted to go out and spend this shit?”

“Aw, so you’re only taking me out because Shoko told you? I almost thought you liked me.”

”W-Wait, that’s not what I mean–!” Satoru becomes flustered and Suguru laughs to see that his teasing worked. Satoru breathes in once again, and was determined to get his point across, ”I-I mean yeah, she told me to take you out but… I would have done it either way. So, if you aren’t busy, would you like to go out with me?”

Suguru laughs yet again at the way Satoru was nervously asking him out. He had heard numerous rumors about Satoru being a charming casanova who would have anyone bewitched and have anyone wrapped around his finger, but at this moment, all Suguru saw was a nerd who was just experiencing his first leap of faith. Suguru decides to put an end to his playful teasing and give this man a chance, “And where would you take me?”

”...Do you like art?”

A few hours later, Satoru is waiting for Suguru at a station near his university, his right leg quivering impatiently. He was dressed in a blue polo and white slacks, and he was second-guessing his outfit for the day, wondering if he looked too much like an uncle attending his godson's christening, “God, just kill me here and now.” he whispers as he looks at his phone for the time.

“Satoru.” he looks back and sees Suguru in a baggy knit gray tank top with black wide-legged pants, his hair down, and chained earrings on both of his ears. A blush ran down on Satoru’s cheeks turning him scarlet when he noticed how the lack of sleeves on Suguru’s attire emphasized the curves of his biceps, but he shook his head in an attempt to focus back on Suguru approaching him. “I’m sorry for being a bit late.”

“N-No, that’s okay.” Satoru stifles out a chuckle, “Um… my car’s parked here, so you can hop in already.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.”

Suguru slid into the passenger seat, and Satoru quickly got behind the wheel. They exchanged smiles, a hint of shyness lingering in the air as Satoru started the engine and pulled away from the curb. He wondered if he should take a couple of shots to manage to get through this date, because where the hell was the confidence he had when it came to other people? He wonders if Suguru was still intrigued and entertained by his presence, because he was damn sure the guy was having second thoughts hanging out with someone who was more interesting wasted than sober.

“You don’t need to put your walls up around me, you know?” Suguru suddenly slides in a conversation with him in the midst of Satoru’s crisis, “Gentle reminder that you’ve already pushed me up against a bathroom counter.”

“Man, I’m sorry…” Satoru sighs, “Truthfully, this would be my first date. I’ve never really dated anyone after high school, and the only time I took my ex out was having afterschool lunch at Mcdonald’s. Forgive me for being terrible at anything other than sex.”

Suguru chortles at Satoru’s sudden confession, slightly hitting his leg, “Oh my god, two weeks ago, I would have never imagined this side of you.”

“I know, I know, I’m boring and I’m not interesting when I’m sober–”

“It’s cute.”

Satoru almost hits the brakes of the car once Suguru tells him that. It also didn’t help that the black-haired man was now gazing at him with enough interest in his eyes Satoru could mistake it for love, “And just to clarify, I also really don’t do shit like this. I had a situationship back in high school but that was barely anything, so this may be the only time I’ll consider something a date.”

“Do you not consider this as a situationship or…?”

“Oh shut up.”

“We’re here now, by the way.”

Satoru couldn’t really explain why he had chosen an art gallery for their date, especially since he wasn’t the biggest art enthusiast. He had several options in mind: 1) A predictable restaurant date, but he wanted something more unique, 2) A movie date, but they wouldn’t be able to talk that much if they were inside a theater, 3) A plain old hook-up at Suguru’s apartment or a love hotel, but Satoru was determined to make a good impression of himself outside their sexual encounters. After a couple of Google searches, he now found himself standing before a mesmerizing painting depicting two figures with fates torn apart by the hands of destiny. As he glances over, he also sees Suguru’s intense gaze at the artwork, and he couldn’t help but follow suit.

“Is this the kind of art you like, Suguru?”

“I tend to lean towards the colorful stuff.” Suguru takes a step closer to the painting, “But somehow, despite the dull colors of this one right here, the emotions are clearly overflowing.”

Upon further inspection, Satoru also noticed how the black and white hues take over most of the painting. The figure in white symbolized something of a god while the one in black depicted something similar to Judas and his betrayal, but that doesn’t stop the one in white from chasing after the other. However, they remain separate in the painting, because no matter how much the white paint wanted to seep into the darker part of the painting, it couldn’t reach it. It remained there, waiting for something impossible to occur.

“S-Sorry.” Suguru frantically wipes off the tears on his eyes, “I think dust went into my eyeballs. Shall we keep exploring?”

“Are you okay, Suguru?” Satoru immediately rushes to his side, helping him wipe off the tears, “We can take a seat, if you want to.”

Suguru’s face lit up with the reassurance. He nodded, allowing Satoru to gently hold his hand as they made their way to find a comfortable seat. Eventually, they came across a corner with barely any people, as well as a large bench positioned in front of another strikingly large painting.

Suguru tenderly squeezed Satoru's hand, his voice soothing as he offered his reassurance. "I'm really okay, Satoru. Something just came to mind, that’s all.”

“What was it?” a worried expression shows up on Satoru’s face, but he still makes sure to listen.

“I’ve been having bad dreams lately. I don’t really know how to explain.”

“You are?!” Satoru becomes intrigued, “S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound excited. It’s just that I’ve been experiencing something similar as well.”

Suguru's eyes widen in response to what Satoru just said. He had no intention of going into detail, especially since Satoru was appearing in his dreams, but if the man in front of him was also experiencing the same phenomenon, could this be more than a coincidence?

“That explains everything. You’ve been haunting me, haven’t you, Satoru?”

“I could say the same for you.”

They both share a chuckle at their exchange. This caused Suguru to stare at Satoru more than he always used did, and it was only now that he realized something about him. He had always been aware of the blue in Satoru’s eyes, but as he gazed into them now, he started truly appreciating how they mirrored the depths of the ocean. It was a contrast to the dark hues painting his undereyes, which meant he wasn’t really lying about the nightmares. But that didn’t mean it made him unattractive; no, it gave him depth.

After a few moments of captivated staring, he can’t help but find himself drawn in, a sudden impulse leading him to lean in closer. Without anyone staring, Suguru kisses the other’s lips in the heat of the moment.

"You always have a way of surprising me, Suguru.” Satoru whispered, his voice becoming breathless at the moment’s intimacy. In a silent agreement between the two men and in an attempt for Satoru to not be left behind, he ensured he would pay Suguru back with a doubled dose of tenderness. Drawing Suguru’s face closer to his, their breaths mingling, they both surrendered to the force that helplessly pulled them closer to each other. Their bodies trembled slightly as they melt into the kiss, with every wall they put up to guard themselves crashing down.

Satoru had shared kisses with many, both men and women alike. His approach, however, was always marked with a selfish nature; he made sure to always craft an escape plan beforehand so that he could run away as soon as he’s finally got a hold of his desires. His pursuits were never driven by a desire to please others; they were solely for his own enjoyment as well as a means to release his frustrations. Nevertheless, he still had a reputation to uphold, so he kept an array of techniques ready to ensure his partners would be as satisfied as him. Being prepared would make sure there would be no room for critique for his performance, but he made sure he was still forgettable enough for the other party to easily let go. Let’s just say he didn’t quite succeed with the latter part, considering how much his notifications bothered him everyday.

Kissing Suguru, however, defied all his usual patterns. At this moment, no ulterior motives or strategies distracted him. Every thought fell away, leaving behind this unadulterated longing to do nothing but kiss him.

The art gallery had become nothing more than a backdrop for something blossoming in a relationship that was nothing less, yet nothing more. They both pull away from each other as other visitors started exploring the corner they were in, and they both laugh quietly at their little endeavor.

“Of course you would be into exhibition.”

“Suguru, may I remind you that you kissed me first?”

“Figured I should take revenge for all the times you did it first.” Suguru held his hand and kissed it, gazing into his eyes to signal that he was ready to go home, “We’ve looked at enough paintings already, haven’t we?”

“Oh?” Satoru smirks, “What do you have in mind then, Suguru?”

“There’s a painting of a snake I would like for you to look at. I think you already know where it’s located.”

Chapter Text

Shoko didn’t expect to find herself at a beer and barbecue party full of straight girls, yet here she was, surrounded by a swarm of drunk heterosexual women, all clinging to her for details about Satoru and his current entanglements.

“So, Shoko, spill the beans with us!” a drunk brown-haired girl slurred as she plopped down beside Shoko, who was busy cooking slices of pork, “Is Satoru in a relationship? Do you think I have a chance with him? I’ve heard rumors that he’s a bit of a player, but still! I don’t think I’m pretty enough for his standards!”

“God, don’t say that.” a girl chimes in, “You are, like, seriously SO pretty!”

Shoko couldn’t help but groan irritably as multiple pairs of eyes bore into her, awaiting her positive response. She took a sip of her beer, gathering her thoughts, “Well…” she began, pressured by the amount of women that were staring into her soul, “Satoru isn’t currently in a relationship, but I can tell you that he’s unavailable at the moment. That’s all I can say, really.”

As soon as she says that, multiple frowns appear, and she swears she could see one of the girls crying. Shoko wasn’t the type to be jealous of Satoru, but man, would it be nice to have this many girls interested in her as well.

“I can’t believe it. Is the girl pretty?”

“It’s a dude.” Shoko replies, “Anyway, yeah, the guy’s gorgeous. I won’t go into detail in case it doesn’t work out between them.”

“And you’ll set me up if it doesn’t work out between them?” the girl’s eyes glimmer with the opportunity.

“Haha… that’s too bad. I’m actually rooting for them, so if it doesn’t work out between them, I’ll personally become the glue to hold them together.”

—

It took all of Satoru’s self-control to not succumb to his desire and place Suguru in the backseat of his car to pleasure him right then and there. However, since he had committed himself to a more dedicated approach in courting the man currently in his passenger seat, he had been diligently practicing the virtue of patience. The taste of Suguru’s lips lingered on his own, carrying the essence of cherry, which explained the gloss on Suguru’s inviting mouth. Satoru craved that sensation once more, a craving that pushed him to press the pedal to the metal and drive with a concerning speed.

“Satoru, your phone’s ringing.” Suguru reached for his phone and contemplated if he should answer or not for the driver, “It’s Shoko. Should I answer?”

Satoru’s gaze remained on the road ahead as he replied, “Yeah, that would be great. Tell her I’m driving.”

“Alright,” Suguru agreed, pressing the answer button, “Hey, Shoko, it’s Suguru. Satoru’s currently driving, so if there’s anything you need to ask him, you can tell me.”

”Oh, that’s fine, I can talk about this with you instead.” Shoko tells him, “Anyway, I’m currently out with my friends and they’re planning to have a sleepover, so I won’t be sleeping in the apartment. If you and Satoru want to use our apartment, then it’s all yours for the night.”

“...Thanks, Shoko.” Suguru suddenly becomes flustered, “We’ll take care of your apartment for tonight then.”

”Oh, just promise me you’ll only do it in Satoru’s room. Stay off my room, the kitchen, and the living room! I stay in those places!”

“What a shame.” Suguru sighs, “Well, you have been kind to us, so I have no choice but to oblige. I’m sure Satoru would be happy to hear about this too.”

Suguru puts the phone down and Satoru looks at him briefly with a curious expression, “What did Shoko tell you?”

“She’ll be out for tonight. Your apartment is free.”

Satoru smiles in victory and quickly takes a left on the road, “My room it is, then.”

After a minute of Satoru nervously fumbling his keys, they make their way into Satoru’s apartment, and as Suguru has promised Shoko, they made sure to not touch any of the restricted locations (which was a shame, since Satoru wanted to do it in the kitchen).

“I’m sorry, my bed might be too small for two guys like us.” Satoru states as both of them sit on the bed, but he was quickly interrupted by a kiss from Suguru.

“Don’t worry, there seems to be enough room for the both of us.”

Satoru pulls Suguru by the waist, wrapping his lips around him as his body presses against the other’s, leaving no space for either one to breathe. He kisses his neck, rubbing his hands down his back as he grabs the hem of his tank top, gripping tightly as he begs him to take it off.

“Alright, alright, I’ll take it off.” Once again, Suguru removes his top and reveals the snake tattoo on his back that has been taking over Satoru’s mind lately. He looks down at his body, admiring his figure and biting his lip in anticipation. Satoru follows and takes off his polo as well, with Suguru helping him unbutton, which makes Satoru more flustered than he already is.

“Satoru.” Suguru whispers, sending a chill down Satoru’s spine, “You won’t forget about this, will you?”

Satoru grins, hearing the desperation in Suguru’s voice, “Depends if you’ll give me a night I won’t be able to forget.”

Suguru smirks, biting down on Satoru’s neck softly, “You underestimate me too much.” he chuckles.

A couple of minutes pass before the two of them find themselves fully naked in each other’s embrace, greedy when writing marks on their skin using their lips and nails. Suguru remained underneath him, chanting his name as he felt the weight of Satoru pressing against his body, his eyes tightly closed as he groaned from the sensation. Satoru holds him close, leaving kisses on his face to distract him from the pain, and soon after that, Suguru finds himself enjoying the pain. He kisses Satoru passionately while he moves himself to the rhythm, inhaling his scent as he does so.

“I-Is this too much?” Satoru asks, and Suguru immediately shuts him up with one, warm kiss.

“It is.” Suguru looks at him with admiration as he tells him, catching his breath at the same time, “But it doesn’t mean I hate it.”

Satoru’s satisfied with his answer, and he leans down to kiss him before continuing his movements, which catches Suguru off-guard for a moment. They remain in each other’s arms for a couple of hours, never letting skin separate from skin, as desperation and lust keep them from stopping anytime soon. Suguru wondered if the number of times he reached his climax was healthy, but he couldn’t say no to a face like Satoru’s. He waits for the other to surrender, and while he hasn’t, he lets himself be used for both of their desires.

“You feel too good, Satoru.” he whispers, “I… don’t want this to end…”

The last thing he could recall from this night was a passionate kiss, tender and velvety as it landed on his lips. It was the softest he ever had with the most love he has ever felt from someone that he couldn’t even call as his lover. The exhaustion began to overtake him, and as he yielded to the weariness, he closed his eyes in surrender.

—

It might have been due to the size of Satoru's bed, but unlike the first night they slept together, they both awoke to the comforting sensation of being in each other's arms. Satoru, ever the clingy person, buries his head in the curve of Satoru's neck, inhaling his scent even in his sleep.

Among the two, Suguru was the first to wake up, given that he was also the first to concede defeat during their night activity. Satoru’s hold on him was firm, as though reluctant to let him go shall the morning come. Suguru couldn’t help but chuckle at the possessiveness of this sleeping beauty, “You never want to let me go, do you, Satoru?”

His amusement with him quickly faded as he noticed the white-haired boy shedding tears in his sleep. He hears him softly calling for his name, holding him tighter everytime he chanted ‘Suguru.’

“My soul knows otherwise…” Satoru whispered softly, still trapped in the clutches of his dream, weeping as he continued to call out Suguru’s name.

"Satoru, Satoru," he called out, a gentle urgency in his voice, waking Satoru up from his nightmare. The sound of his name acted as a lifeline, pulling Satoru from the depths of sleep.

The moment Satoru realized Suguru was right there beside him, he couldn’t help but break in tears, embracing him fiercely without the intention of letting him go, “You’re here. You didn’t leave.” he whispered with a quiver in his voice.

Despite initially questioning Satoru’s current behavior, Suguru somehow managed to understand where the sudden breakdown came from. He was sure that something similar to his nightmares was currently happening to Satoru as of the moment, so he cradled him in his arms, his hand tenderly stroking his head as the embrace tightened, “Another bad dream?” he asks.

Satoru nodded, his voice wavering with vulnerability. "Y-Yeah. I'm sorry, I-I don't know what came over me. I was calling out your name, this was really embarrassing of me–"

Suguru silences Satoru with a soft kiss. "Hey, it's alright," he reassures him, easing the crying boy’s anxiety, "Were you dreaming about me? No need to feel embarrassed if you were."

Satoru hesitates if he should tell him, but seeing the look on Suguru’s face eventually made him admit. “Yes,” he confesses, almost defeated, “My nightmares… they involve you, actually. Losing you, specifically. Sometimes, I fear you slipping away from my grasp.”

Suguru has had this strange assumption since yesterday that he and Satoru might have been experiencing the same nocturnal phenomena, and with Satoru telling him the flow of his nightmares, his questions started getting close to having an answer. “Satoru…” he trails off, about to share his own story, “I’ve been having the same dreams as well. They always end with me losing my life while you stand by my side, watching me die. It’s funny, sometimes I feel like you were the death of me.”

They suddenly lapse into silence. Suguru feels a twinge of regret fall upon him, thinking he might have gone overboard with his storytelling, “Um… quite strange, isn’t it?” he awkwardly says with a nervous chuckle.

In response, Satoru envelops him in a tight embrace, pressing kisses against his neck, a gesture of comfort and affection. “Let’s not think about it anymore,” he tells him with a soothing voice, “We’re both here, safe and sound, right?”

"...Yeah." They both had their chests pressed together, and Suguru could feel Satoru's pulse rate increasing as they remained entangled within each other's arms. He does not say anything, he simply lets himself fall into Satoru's arms, kissing his cheek and neck so that he can watch his ears turn a faint garnet.

Suguru has had a fair share of casual sex partners, ranging from the eager ones that would shower him with kisses throughout the night, to the ones that would dispose of him once they had their fill. It never really bothered Suguru; he had come to terms with the idea that these encounters were merely a means of taking a break from life’s demands. Even when he was faced with Satoru’s warm company on their date as well as knowing deep in his soul that his affection was no facade, Suguru couldn’t help but convince himself that he would eventually fade away, just like the rest.

”You’re here. You didn’t leave.”

However, he wouldn’t let go of this embrace any time soon. It may not stay for forever, so he just lets himself be cherished in the arms of this angel, the tight hug squeezing out all the worries he may have.

“Satoruuuu! I’m home!”

“Right. Her.” Satoru groans as he quickly stands up, kissing Suguru on the forehead before leaving the bed completely (which he unconsciously did, by the way) to put on the clothes that were sprawled around the floor and greet Shoko who was outside the room, “God, you couldn’t have come home a bit later?”

“Hey, I already gave you the apartment for the night. If anything, you should be thanking me.” Shoko gives him a mischievous smile, “You look happy for someone who’s grumpy at me. Did you have a fun time or did you have amnesia again?”

“Hey, I remember it this time, okay?” Satoru couldn’t contain his smile as he told Shoko, “...And yeah. It was really good.”

"Are you telling her about last night?" Suguru suddenly sneaks up from behind, revealing that he was eavesdropping on the roommates’ conversation. "Those intimate details should just stay between us, don’t you think?"

"Chill, I barely told her anything," Satoru reassured him with a gentle kiss on the cheek. "And even if I did, she’d keep her mouth shut. Right, Shoko?"

Shoko was utterly taken aback by Satoru's casual display of affection, prompting her to rub her eyes to confirm if she was seeing things correctly. "Oh... you guys dating now?"

The two men were caught off guard by the question, spitting out their non-existent drinks in the process. They knew that this perception of them was likely inevitable, especially for anyone who would see how they looked like right now (Satoru is practically glued to Suguru), but it was also a question that had been lingering between them. They could have easily referred to each other as sex partners, casual flings, a one-night stand, but the rapid development of their relationship over just two weeks raised questions about what they were.

“...Oh.” Shoko catches on the situation, and immediately changes the conversation, “Anyway! Did you guys enjoy the art gallery? You guys better have, I don’t want my money wasted on nothing.”

“Yeah, it was amazing. Thank you, Shoko.” Suguru smiles and looks at the time on his phone, “I gotta go now, I kinda need to finish up some stuff for my classes.”

“See ya, Suguru!” Before leaving to her room, Shoko winks at Satoru, signaling how he should be able to give Suguru a proper goodbye now that she was out of their sights. It’s a good thing that these two have already practiced the art of telepathy to be able to understand such signals.

“Hey, uh…” Suguru holds his hand, the beat of his heart almost imitating a siren from how loud it was, “Thank you for yesterday. You were really good.”

“As a date or as a fuck?”

“Ugh, you…” Suguru could only chuckle, and he couldn’t help but look at Satoru’s lips as he was doing so, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“...Yeah.”

A silent agreement occurs again between the two, prompting their lips to touch once more. The amount of times they kissed might have exceeded the average number, but statistics happen to be non-existent in a world like theirs where the only goal was to feel one another. It wasn’t a kiss that they would have under the sheets while naked, it was soft to the touch, affectionate, and crafted with the most yearning one could have.

“...We keep kissing, don’t we?” Satoru jokes, making the other grin in delight.

“Yeah, we do.” Suguru kisses him on the cheek one more time, “I really have to go now… goodbye, Satoru. Call me again during the weekend.”

Taking all of his belongings, he leaves the shared apartment, leaving Satoru all alone in the living room with a face so flushed he could be mistaken for a boy with an intense fever. Shoko finally comes out of her bedroom, flicking his forehead to help him come back to his senses, “Look at you, looking all goofy and shit.”

“I might have to marry him.”

“Okay, calm down, Lightning McQueen. You’ve known the guy for two weeks.” She sits on the sofa, watching Satoru, who was trying to release the continuous burning flame inside his body that was created when Suguru kissed him, punch the wall, “I knew you were down bad, but I didn’t know it was THIS bad. It’s a surprise you guys still aren’t dating from how much touching you guys had earlier.”

“He’s so pretty.” Satoru practically fluttered on the way to the empty spot next to Shoko’s position on the sofa, “He kissed me in the art gallery, he did it first! And he was just so cute when we were making out, he looked like an angel when he was underneath me–”

“Okay, you can stop right there.”

“I just– God, he’s so beautiful.” he lays on her shoulder, his mind still overflowing with his affection for Suguru, “I didn’t know liking someone would be this fun.”

“Hm.”

“What?”

Shoko shifted slightly on the sofa, her body positioning itself to face Satoru. She hadn’t expected Satoru to be enamored with anyone; even though she could believe Suguru was truly one of a kind, it was still an unexpected situation to be in. Their friendship had always been built on teasing and sarcasm, which could also be applied to how Satoru viewed most of his partners: completely unserious. This level of affection from him was new territory, it almost made Shoko worried. Too worried.

"Satoru, are you in love with him, or are you just infatuated?"

Satoru blinked, momentarily taken aback by the question. "Well, I wouldn't go as far as calling it love, so maybe it's more accurate to say it's infatuation," he stammered, his uncertainty palpable. "I mean, I can't stop thinking about him, but... you know.”

Shoko sighed, running a hand through her hair. She realized that maybe this question was a bit early for someone like Satoru, who was still navigating the complex nature of what it meant liking someone. She felt a small stab of sympathy for him, knowing that these emotions could be overwhelming for someone who’s 21 and experiencing this for the first time.

“Guess I spoke too soon," she says. "...Just don’t string him along if ever you’re confused. No one deserves to have their heart played like that.”

“...I wouldn’t do that.”

“You could. Just saying.”

—

Another Monday comes, and it was another week of Suguru cutting contact with the world. Satoru was well-aware of his schedule and how he works around it, so he made sure not to bother him the whole week. It wasn’t as if he was his boyfriend, anyway.

Still, did it bother Satoru? Yes, it did. He could only see Suguru on certain times, on certain days, and if you told Satoru the guy had been living a double-life, he would believe you. It troubled him in a way he didn’t even know could bother him. He wanted to take Suguru out for lunch during their break times. He wanted to stay in his apartment even if they would spend their time just studying, if it meant being in close proximity with him. He wanted to invite him for barbecue with Shoko, and he could also invite his friends of his for Satoru to get to know better. Weekdays have already been an enough pain for Satoru, but now he despises it like no other.

He misses Suguru. He just wanted him back in his arms.

On the other side, Suguru was busy doing field work on a Wednesday. His block section for this one subject he had required for them to join their professors at a construction site, so he spent his day being covered in soil, particles of cement, and water. However, it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to.

“Mr. Geto.” his professor sat next to him, handing him a bottle of water to reward him for his hard work. Suguru knew he was a favorite, after all, he didn’t know anyone who was more studious than him, “You don’t seem tired. How are you doing so far?”

“I’m doing okay. It’s not like I’m not used to it.”

The professor chuckles, “Have you thought about your internship? You know I could give you a letter of recommendation. Your performance, not only in my subject, has been flawless. Companies will practically chase after you once you graduate.”

“Thank you, sir.” Suguru smiles at him, “It’s quite difficult for me to place anything new into my schedule as of now due to my current extracurricular activities, but rest assured that I will make time for an internship.”

“You always push yourself to your limits, don’t you, Mr. Geto? Then, let me offer you some words of wisdom, as someone who’s twice your age.” he stands up, preparing to leave, “You work like an adult that you forget you’re still a kid. Your college experience is important. Don’t spend your life being chained down by your degree.” he looks at him for one last time, “This is what you’re going to do for the rest of your life, anyway.”

“...Thank you, sir.”

On the bus ride home, Suguru tries to sleep the tiredness away, but he couldn’t help but be bothered by what the professor told him. He’s heard that statement a thousand times from his peers, and he couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal. It’s not even as if he didn’t enjoy his life: he has friends, he goes to parties, and right now he’s even hooking up with the hottest guy on campus. Sure, he may only be alive during the weekends, but isn’t that the case for everyone?

As he finally returns to his apartment and begins shedding his clothes that were covered in dirt, he once again finds himself contemplating the isolation. No one really reaches out to him on weekdays, not even his closest friends. It was a universal understanding that, from Monday to Friday afternoons, Suguru did not want to be bothered. He dines in solitude on those days, sometimes sharing a meal with Kento and his friend Yu if they cross paths at a restaurant. Yet, more often than not, he spends his days ordering food online, cocooned withined the confines of his apartment, immersing himself in nonstop studying.

He stares at his meticulously crafted resume that was brimming with accomplishments, his internship practically confirmed at this point. His academic drive has always been insane, but now it was in a league that could be considered highly ambitious, if not concerning. Maybe all the isolation he had was worth it if it meant that his salary would reach six to seven figures. However, he can’t seem to be happy at the thought of waking up, going to his 9-5, and sleeping as soon as he steps foot in his apartment. It sounded way too similar to the life he lived now.

“This is what you’re going to do for the rest of your life, anyway.”

He didn’t expect his professor’s words to haunt him; at this point, his professor might appear in his next nightmare. Despite the attempts to distract himself from that memory, he couldn’t deny the unsettling feeling sinking in him as he tried to focus on his work. After working on a couple of backlogs, he hurried to his bed, clutching his phone, contemplating whether he should call anyone up for the evening.

It was already late. He was fairly certain that by this time, Kento–staying true to not working overtime–would already be having his beauty sleep. He would call Yu, but after going through his Instagram stories, he saw the guy busy in a study session at a friend’s place. Should he have contacted them earlier, maybe they would have made time for him.

Then again, he could always contact someone else.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Suguru murmured as he buried his face into the pillows, leaving the phone in his hand. He had always been content with the way he lived life, but the lingering doubts still gnawed at him. Was he not enjoying his life? Was he neglecting his friendships? Would he live to become someone who’s left alone?

.....

Forty-three minutes have passed during Suguru’s young-adult crisis, and that was also forty-three minutes of Satoru engaging in a whirlwind of activity. During those forty-three minutes, he rushed to the shower, hastily picked out a good outfit (a black tank top with comfortable gray sweatpants, because he’s a whore), his steps quick and determined as he navigated the streets, making a brief detour to grab some ramen from the convenience store before finally arriving at Geto Suguru’s doorstep.

“You there?” he knocked, and there was no answer, making his heart pound with both tiredness and anxiety. Had he arrived too late? He couldn’t help but fret, but his worries disappeared as the door swung open, revealing Suguru, who seemed to have just awakened, “...Hi! I brought ramen, if you would like some.”

Suguru, who clearly did not know what the hell was going on, arched an eyebrow, “Why are you here, Satoru?”

A giant question mark popped out of Satoru’s head. He could only smile awkwardly at both of them being confused of the situation. “Um… you texted me.” he stammered.

With that, Suguru–in panic–pulls out his phone and began scrolling through his messages, and immediately at the top of the list was Gojo Satoru. The drowsiness finally dissipates, and now he suddenly remembers that during his own young adult crisis, he decided to message Satoru, in hopes of seeing him during a lonely time.

Geto Suguru: hey, u up?
Gojo Satoru: yea why? :D
Geto Suguru: i miss you
Geto Suguru: im kinda going through an episode rn and i just need someone by my side ig
Geto Suguru: sorry for chatting
Geto Suguru: bye

Suguru drops down at his own doorstep in shame. He could not believe he acted like that with Satoru sober, and he also could not believe that those messages prompted Satoru to come running to his side, “I was really out of it when I texted you, I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine.” Satoru smiles, “It was really cute. You should text me like that some more.”

“Shut up.” Suguru glares at him, but immediately looks away. He could barely face that shit-eating grin the bastard has plastered on his face, “It really was a mistake. You can leave now, I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“...You’re kicking me out?”

Suguru hates how he was convinced by the pitiful act Satoru put on. With a sigh, he lets him inside his apartment, “You can leave the ramen on the counter. I’ll cook.”

“Will do.” Satoru follows his request. He couldn’t help but look at Suguru once more, like he always does. He wouldn’t count it as a hobby of his, but it was definitely a favorite thing for him to make the most out of seeing Suguru’s face whenever he got the chance. That man looked like heaven on earth. “You’re going to cook the ramen now?”

Suguru was about to take the ramen out of the packaging, but was stopped by what Suguru told him, “Why? You wanna cook instead?”

“It’s not that… you called for me because you were going through something, right?” he comes closer to him, touching his hand that was sitting on top of the kitchen counter, “Don’t you want to tell me what happened?”

Suguru hesitates. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to become this vulnerable with Gojo Satoru, so he remains silent. Satoru could see the hesitation in his eyes, so he takes his hand and gives it a soft peck, “It’s okay. You can take your time.”

“...You came for me. You ran from there to here for me… unless you took your car.”

Satoru laughs, “Nah, I ran. It would be a hassle to park anywhere around here… so yeah, I did. I did run from there to here for you.”

Suguru’s fingers slightly brushed against Satoru’s cheeks, sending a surge down to his heart. Their eyes met, and in a silent exchange between the two men, they led themselves to the bed, cuddling each other as Satoru’s lips found itself kissing the curves of Suguru’s neck. A song plays softly in the background, filling the room with a sense of longing.

“...I forgot that my playlist was still on.” Suguru blurts out in between kisses, “Want me to turn it off?”

“No.” Satoru kisses him, in an attempt to make him focus on his lips again, “The song’s nice, anyway.”

♫ We both said that this was just physical

Well, one of us lied, can’t set feelings aside, truth be told, yeah

You asked to see me once again at half past ten

I got nervous, so I got faded, made things complicated ♫

They moved closer to each other, hearts seemingly beating in unison. Satoru’s hand found its way to Suguru’s waist, gently taking off his hoodie and immediately diving into his bare chest as soon as it was revealed to him. Suguru hisses, and in the midst of the darkness–the dim lamp found at the edge of his bed being the only source of light–he searches for the hem of Satoru’s tank top to take it off. Once both of their clothes were off, their lips, inches apart, trembled with anticipation.

Suguru leaned in slowly, his breath mingling with Satoru’s, making a blend only desire could produce. Their lips finally collided against each other, sending sparks dancing through both of their minds. Satoru could almost cry from how good it felt that he didn’t feel apologetic crushing Suguru with his weight, but it wasn’t like the man underneath him minded. He lost himself in the passion of their sensual tango, his heart imitating the beat of an intense Mozart classic while his knees grew weak as Suguru, being the snake that he was, proceeded to suck out the strength that he had. He could have collapsed to the floor if they weren’t on a bed.

Suguru pulls him in closer, as if he was trying to merge with him. Satoru smiles at the gesture and gives him a soft kiss on the forehead, while also having his hand brushing away the sweat that formed on his neck in the heat of the moment. They calm down after a couple of minutes, the both of them snickering like fools as they realize how intense their sequence of events were.

“You don’t really solve emotional episodes with make-out sessions.” Satoru tells him, panting as they just finished.

“It’s a band-aid solution, then. A really good, fulfilling band-aid.” Suguru grins, leaning towards Satoru again, “I don’t think a couple of kisses were fulfilling enough, though.

Satoru chuckles, his eyes rolling back at the challenge, “...Wanna try something new today?”

Suguru, as if he could read his mind, nods in response to the question. He proceeds to put himself on top of Satoru, immediately aiming for his lips as soon as he finds himself in a comfortable position. The two of them grin to each other in between kisses, their tongues meeting in a slow, sensual way, both moving in perfect harmony. It was filled with longing, a yearning they have been suppressing.

♫ I like you, I like you, I like you

Sorry, I never meant to

But who’re we kidding, it wasn’t like I had a say

One look at you and I won’t have it any other way ♫

Not strangers, barely friends, and far from lovers. At this moment, the titles didn't matter. They were simply just Satoru and Suguru.

Chapter Text

A minute of silence goes by after their little endeavor, that is, fucking on a Wednesday night slash an early morning on a Thursday. The quiet atmosphere quickly gets interrupted by a groan from Satoru, whose face was buried in the pillows so that there wouldn’t be any pressure put on his ass. If he knew this was how Suguru coped with his problems, maybe it would have been better for him to have stayed at home.

"Um…" Suguru couldn't help but stifle a chuckle, unsuccessfully trying to contain his laughter, "Are you alright? Maybe I was a little too rough with you."

"A little?" Satoru raised an amused eyebrow and rolled his eyes. "I'm in agony. Christ, I was never this rough with you when I was on top."

Suguru leaned in closer to Satoru, lowering his voice, "But, the difference was… you didn't ask me to stop. By the third round, you were practically begging me to go faster."

Satoru promptly silenced him with a kiss, realizing it was the most effective way to halt Suguru's chatter and prevent any further embarrassment. "You're still insufferable."

"Fair enough," Suguru responded, returning the kiss eagerly after the first one. "I genuinely apologize if I caused you any discomfort. I'll make sure to be more gentle next time."

“Nah… you’re right. I didn’t tell you to stop, because, um… it was really good. I’m just not really used to taking it in the ass again.” Suguru smiles once more at his response, and he replies by giving him another soft peck on the lips. The two of them grin at each other, acting like fools once more.

“We kiss too much.”

“What is too much?”

They both come back to each other’s embrace. Suguru made sure he was gentle when he was touching Satoru, knowing the pain he caused on the lower half of his body. They agreed on the idea that there was no such thing as too much kisses, and proceeded to brush their lips against each other for a while. It felt like forever had passed, but still, it didn’t feel like it was enough time.

“By the way.” Satoru looks in his eyes, “You never really told me what happened, you know? I thought it was your thing to like… cut off contact on weekdays. You do realize it’s a Wednesday night – scratch that, it’s a Thursday morning already.”

“Yeah, um…” Suguru scratches his head, completely forgetting as to why he brough Satoru here in the first place. He already told him he was just having an emotional episode, but the look in the other man’s eyes pleaded that he wanted to know more, “...Figured I should grow up a little and have fun on the weekdays too, you know?”

Suguru didn’t even realize that Satoru, who, throughout their conversation, had been gently massaging the prominent bones of Suguru's back in an attempt to put him more at ease. With a sincere tone, Suguru spoke, "I’m sorry, this might seem out of character for me. I had field work today and had a chance to chat with my professor. Something he said has been lingering in my thoughts."

Intrigued, Satoru inquired, "What did he say?"

Suguru responded with a soft chuckle, "He told me that the shit I was doing at the construction site now would be the same shit I’d be doing for the rest of my life – not verbatim, of course. It was just a way to tell me that I should savor my college years more.” his eyes darted elsewhere as he felt a little embarassed, “It's not groundbreaking advice, and it's something we've all heard before, but it still managed to stir a little existential crisis within me."

“Well… there isn’t really anything bad about spending your years studying.” Satoru responded, “I’ve been friends with Shoko for a long time now, and she’s kind of like you when it comes to studying. Shutting yourself off from the world to pass a 10-item math exam you’ll have tomorrow… I never judged her for it. She has ambitions, you have ambitions, and I respect you both for that.”

“Yeah, but…” Suguru smiles thinking about the conversation, “He–the professor–might be right, anyway. I wasn’t always this way and I think I’m just being way too harsh on myself now because of the mistakes I had in the past.”

“...Mistakes?”

“I–uh–” it’s no use. Suguru already slipped the words out, so he had to tell Satoru, even if it meant becoming more vulnerable, “I’m not smart, Satoru.”

“That’s crazy, you’re really smar–”

“No, I’m not.” he interrupts him, “But, that’s okay. I knew that I could make up for my knowledge by becoming a hard worker, so I became one… and yeah.”

Satoru notices the sweat pouring out of Suguru’s forehead, so he reaches out for his hand, looking at his eyes as he does so, “Hey, I’m here and I’m listening. Okay?”

Suguru didn’t realize how weak he was to that face until now. He couldn’t help but oblige, so he lied down next to him and began telling him his past.

Suguru had always been known for his unwavering commitment towards his studies, even when he was in high school. However, even in his status as neat freak, he still managed to maintain a healthier work-life balance compared to his present self. He frequented clubs, attended house parties, and indulged in drinking even before he turned the legal age. He made out with anyone he found attractive, and with a pretty face like his, barely anyone could resist his charm. While he might have appeared to be the quintessential teenage rebel from the pages of a textbook, none of his adventures compromised his academic performance. On the day of his high school graduation, his name was adorned with certificates and medals, and he was awarded as the salutatorian of his graduating class.

Despite securing admission offers from the most prestigious universities in the nation, Suguru aspired for greater heights. He had dreamt of this one university ever since he was a kid, and it was safe to say he built his life around it. This university was in another country and extremely prestigious, boasting a tuition fee that exceeded his parents' means, yet he held an unshakable belief in his ability to secure a scholarship. Without the advantage of legacy or financial resources, and despite not even being a U.S. citizen, he told himself that he harbored no expectations, but deep down, he couldn't help but hope. After all, how could anyone possibly reject a candidate like him?

Yet, the harsh reality eventually caught up with Suguru – a spot on the waitlist that soon became a rejection. In the eyes of the admissions officers, he was merely another high-achieving student among countless others, all wielding impressive grades and a wealth of extracurricular activities. This didn’t mean Suguru was dumb, after all, he had still secured spots at the top universities in the country, yet he still beat himself to a pulp because of it. If he had refrained from partying and other revelry and instead dedicated himself more to his studies, could he have gotten a chance? If he was awarded as valedictorian instead of being second place, would he have been given better opportunities? If he wasn’t so dumb, could he have already been living the life he aspired to have? Why the fuck were there people out there who were capable of things beyond his grasp?

“I was very harsh with myself during my first year here. I didn’t even go out during the weekends, I just stayed locked up.” Suguru laughs, “If it weren’t for Kento and Yu… I think I’d isolate myself here for eternity. I still cut off contact with people during the weekdays, though, but–”

“But you called me here.” Satoru says in a gentle tone, “It was a Wednesday.”

“...It was a Wednesday.” he shows off a small smile, “I’ll be starting my internship soon. I’ll have less time by then.”

“Bummer. I was hoping this would become a regular thing.” Satoru pouts, and Suguru couldn’t help but kiss that little pout of his, “...Hanging out doesn’t mean we’d like, always have sex or drink beer. I can just stay here, watch you make your little buildings and shit while I do my homework.” he leans in closer to him, bumping noses, “I’d let you study, and I’d make us food. I’d call you up once dinner is served; are you a fan of katsudon?”

Suguru giggles, “You sound like you want to be my wife.”

“Doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I’ll even let you put a baby in me–”

“Jesus, Satoru.”

“I’m kidding.” Satoru lets out an annoyingly loud laugh, “I’m just saying… hanging out doesn’t need to be tiring. We can just stay here together, bring Shoko every now and then–y’know? Us, in your apartment, just spending our college lives together.”

Was Suguru allowed to feel this way? He tries to remember of the last instance he had experienced such sensations - the warmth of being love and being changed. Gently, he caresses Satoru's hair and delicately guides his chin with a few fingers, drawing him in for another kiss. In that moment, it seemed he was ignoring the other man’s words while simultaneously giving him an answer. As their foreheads gently touch, he wonders if this was the right time to bring up the elephant in the room.

Say it. Say it. Say it.

“I really like you.”

The world stopped rotating at that moment. Satoru's expression conveyed unwavering sincerity, assuring that his words were far from a mere slip of the tongue. He fixated on the momentary silence that enveloped Suguru, patiently waiting for his reply, "You don’t need to answer me now," he offered, his voice filled with a longing for resolution. "We can sleep already, if you want.”

“Stop panicking,” he flicked his forehead, letting Satoru release a small ’ouch,’”I was about to say the same thing anyway.”

The temporary stinging pain on Satoru’s forehead immediately recovered, and his already blue eyes somehow managed to become more cerulean, “...Of course you would. I’ve never been rejected anyway.”

“Yeah, I’m taking it back, good night.”

“No, no, Suguruuu!” he lies on top of him, trying to crush him with his weight. He positions himself in a way that catches Suguru off-guard, and he manages to catch him even more off-guard when he violently cups his cheeks to make his lips form a pout, “Say it. Say that you like me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, you already admitted it!”

Suguru chuckles. He grabs his waist, still avoiding his ass as he was sure Satoru would complain, and he gives his chest a soft peck, “I… really like…” he grins before finishing his sentence, “...fucking you in the ass.”

“Stop thinking with your dick and think with your heart, horndog.”

“Look who’s talking. Did you hear how you moaned earlier? You were saying shit like god, Suguru, you’re fucking me so goo–”

They tumble down onto the bed until Satoru was on top of him, and he gives the man another kiss to stop him from embarrassing himself further. They spend a few seconds gazing into one other's eyes, savoring the chance they could stay like this, and breathing in each other’s scents before realizing they were both doing the same thing. They laugh at the way they mirror each other, and they kiss once more to silence the laughter. Suguru may try to remain quiet about his feelings for all of eternity, but Satoru felt confident that he would be by his side till the very end.

“I like you, Satoru.”

“I figured that out a long time ago.”

One, two, and a hundred more kisses take over the time they have with each other. When their lips were finally sore and the night finally took away their energy, they hold each other close and let themselves submit to their weariness. They lay intertwined in the soft embrace of their slumber, like they always have, and it should have felt different, but it didn’t. Though never put into words, that feeling always lingered. A confession merely added a subtle nuance, as they had always felt basked in the warmth of each other's affection, and they lay in peace knowing that this was no longer a relationship entitled with a question mark. After a couple weeks of asking what it was, they could finally call each other, each other’s.

...

"Are you the strongest because you’re Gojo Satoru? Or are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest?”

Satoru thinks about what course of action he could have taken differently to prevent whatever the fuck went wrong. Could he have persuaded Suguru to change his mind if he had been present during his depressive episodes? Would things be better than they are now if he had stopped Riko's death? Would things have turned out better for them if he hadn't been so frail?

Satoru didn’t believe in a god, and even if he did, he would just curse them for forcing him to live a life of cruelty. It was the first time he had willingly entered a church, an empty one, to be precise. He wanted to scream everything out, to curse whomever put him in this situation. He could only fall weak to his knees once he was done, crawling to the kneelers in order to spit out one last prayer–this time, with sincerity.

“God.” he says firmly, his hands clasping each other tightly, “You’re a real asshole, that’s for sure. But… I’m asking this with all the kindness my heart could ever offer… If I die, then please.” he grips his hands tighter with his eyes painfully shut, “Please give us another chance.”

…

Satoru opened his eyes, and he wasn’t at the church anymore. In fact, he was naked with a stinging pain on his lower back. Shit, where was he?

“You’re awake.” Suguru comes up to him, to his surprise, “Are you okay? Does your ass still hurt?”

He laughs, but Satoru was still in shock. He looked at his head, and there were no stitches to be seen, so he was pretty sure that this wasn’t a double. Even his soul fully knows that this was Geto Suguru, alive and thriving, in front of him.

“How is this possible?” Satoru whispers, and although it puts Suguru aback, he smiles and tries to hug him, but Satoru immediately raises his hands in the air in an attempt to shoo him away, “Wait… my technique, it’s–”

“Satoru, is it another one of your nightmares?” This time, Suguru was really worried. It seemed as if the guy really didn’t know him, “...Satoru. I’m here.”

Suguru comes closer to him once more and successfully hugs him, “Satoru, don’t worry. I’m safe. We both are.”

As Satoru feels the warmth of Suguru’s embrace, he breaks down into tears, reciprocating his hug with a tighter one and without the intention of ever letting him go. He weeps in a manner he hasn’t before, and he might feel pathetic, but it didn’t matter, “You’re here, god, you’re here.”

They stayed like that for about ten minutes. They didn’t talk, they just stayed in that position for a while, after all, it didn’t feel like Satoru was ready to let go of the other guy too soon.

“Satoru.” he pushes away the strands of his white hair to kiss his forehead, “I have class in the afternoon. You have them too, right? We need to get up now.”

“...Okay.” Satoru finally stands up, “...We’ll see each other again, right?”

“Of course we will.” Suguru laughs, “What’s up with you today? Was it that bad of a dream?”

No. The worst part was that he was sure it wasn’t a dream; rather, a sequence of memories that Satoru was sure was his. From the moment he was born–the day a bounty was placed on top of his head–to the day he was severed into two pieces, he was sure all of these memories were his. He remembers everything that happened in between, from the moment he first laid eyes on the love of his life, to the day he lost him.

Yet he’s here by his side, once more.

God really did give him another chance.

—

He spent the majority of his time in a particular class struggling to comprehend whatever the fuck that was happening to him. His efforts were not in vain, for he eventually did realize his identity as Gojo Satoru. However, he realized he was no longer the six-eyed sorcerer; instead, he had become Gojo Satoru, a third year business student. The only plausible explanation for such a phenomena would be reincarnation, and it had reunited him and Suguru, just like what he prayed for.

“That’s why I’ve been having those fucking dreams.” he mused as he rested his head on the bench he was sitting at. The realization finally dawned upon him, trying to reminisce the haunting memories he had of his other life as well as this one. He was happy to know that he was able to live as a normal citizen this time, but the prospect of regaining his sorcerer past stirred a deep-seated unease within him. Was he and Suguru fated to face a similar destiny in this lifetime as well?

“Spacing out?”

He turns and sees Shoko, and he could almost cry just from seeing her. He still had the memories of the life they have now, but also having the memories of their past lives made it even harder for him to process everything that was going on. Shoko was here, safe and sound, and in a burst of emotions, all he could do was hug her.

“...Hey, what the hell’s going on?” Shoko doesn’t push him away and lets herself be embraced, but the rhythm of Satoru’s heartbeat makes it clear that there was something going on with him, “You’ve been acting unlike yourself lately. What’s going on?”

Of course, Satoru wouldn’t be able to explain. He may have the chance if they didn’t have class in about forty minutes, or if they were drunk enough to process anything, but right now he knew he couldn’t. He tears up, which makes Shoko worry, but he assures her with a smile, “I really love you, both you and Suguru.”

Shoko bursts out in laughter, but it was as if she got infected by Satoru’s emotional outburst that she too started tearing up, “You’re really something, aren’t you? What happened, did Suguru ghost you?”

“I just wanted to declare my love to the both of you in case I died.”

“Please do not say that, I’m already worried enough.” Shoko chuckles as she wipes her tears away, “Tell me. What’s going on with you?”

“I’ll tell you soon, and before I forget to tell you…” he smiles, “Suguru’s my boyfriend now.”

—

Satoru didn’t contact Suguru for the whole day ever since he left his apartment in the morning. It was a bummer, but what could Suguru do? Somehow, he forgot that Satoru had his own responsibilities to take care of, and that he wouldn’t be able to see him all the time, just like how Suguru was with the rest of the world. Still, it was their first day being officially boyfriends, so a date on a Thursday night wouldn’t have hurt.

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” Suguru tries to convince himself. He found himself with some free time amidst his current workload while he was waiting for a response to his internship application. With this opportunity for a breather, he sought to make more productive use of his time aside from only studying, and he badly wanted Satoru to call. He called out his name in a manner he wouldn’t let anyone see, but it only proved how desperate he was.

Satoru. Satoru. Satoru.

A few calls later, he manages to step outside of his apartment to have dinner at a local barbecue place with his friends Kento and Yu. The two were still quite surprised to see that he wanted to go out, as of course, this was unlike his usual routine, but they both smile to each other seeing such a change from him, “What’s the occasion?”

“...Me and Gojo Satoru. He’s my boyfriend now.”

Kento nearly dropped the tongs he was holding, and Yu almost choked on his soda. Yu was evidently more excited by this revelation, as he promptly leaped out of his chair and enthusiastically pressed for details, "You have a boyfriend, AND you're going out on weekdays now?! Kento, this is insane Suguru news!"

“It is.” Kento couldn’t help but chuckle, “Congratulations. I have my reservations about that man, but I could tell he was a good influence on you.”

“How so? You haven’t even seen us together since that one time at Cycle.”

“You’ve changed.” Kento says with sincerity, “After all, to be loved is to be changed.”

"How romantic of you," Suguru teased, a playful glint in his eyes. Still, Kento's words wrapped around him, and he couldn't help but smile. Originally, he had envisioned his relationship with Satoru as a one-time affair, but he found himself quietly grateful for Satoru's persistent personality, which had eventually prolonged their journey, ultimately leading them to this moment. Perhaps it was fate for Suguru to meet someone of that kind, because deep down, he would never admit that he fell in love at first sight.

Satoru still didn’t contact him for that night. He said he wasn’t going to worry, but this was unlike Satoru. He was pretty sure that he made it clear that he didn’t mind being called on weekdays now, especially since they already had a thing going on. He felt too shy calling him up, but he gained his courage… to call Shoko instead, “Hey, sorry for calling. Is Satoru there?”

“Yeah, he is.” Shoko replies, “He’s been acting… weird. As soon as he got home, he kind of locked himself up inside his room to study. Maybe he has a test coming up? I don’t know.”

“I see.” damn, even Shoko didn’t know what was going on with him, “Thank you, Shoko. Please update me soon.”

”Got ya. Also… congrats, lovebirds!”

He ends the call with a grin on his face that quickly disappears once Satoru was on his mind again. Seriously, what was going on with that guy? Were his nightmares getting worse?
Speaking of nightmares, he didn’t have one last night, not even a dream. Compared to Satoru who woke up in cold sweat as well as a fuzzy mind, he actually slept decently. As he pondered over Satoru’s situation, Suguru couldn’t help but feel a growing concern for him. Were the nightmares taking a toll on his well-being? And was this a possible sign that he would be experiencing the same thing very soon?

The nightmares have been a recurring theme in their lives. At first, they were mere disturbances, unsettling dreams that Suguru had brushed off as a normal part of his life. But over time, they evolved into something more sinister, turning clearer as if Suguru’s subconscious was trying to tell him something important–something vital that could make or break the relationship he has with Satoru now.

"...It’s probably nothing, maybe he really is just busy." he whispered to himself before closing his eyes, breathing in the delicate scent of the new lavender-scented fragrance he had recently bought. The soothing scent was intended to provide solace during the nights he had a series of sleep-paralysis-like nightmares.. Despite his attempts to focus on relaxing, Satoru's unsettling situation remained a persistent concern, lingering in his thoughts even as he gradually surrendered to sleep.

Deep into the night, Suguru wrestled with these nagging thoughts, convinced that there was a hidden memory or fragment of his past he had yet to recall, something that the world seemed to be nudging him to remember.

…

”To think you’d be the one here at my end.”

Suguru’s back in that dream of his. He sits on concrete as his back is laid against the wall with the reaper slowly awaiting his demise.

"Suguru," he pictured the reaper to look like him, a skeleton wrapped in black and full of mischief just like him. Instead, the face he was staring at now was angelic, with white hair and eyes he'd never forget, "Tell me. Do you have any last words?"

He remembers it all too well–the summers they shared with Shoko, living their lives in the way teenagers ought to. He once promised that they'd grow into a formidable team. Now, he can't help but wonder… Where did it all go wrong? Why did it have to come to this?

“I didn’t think I had any of that left in me… after everything I’ve been through.”

Satoru sits down in front of him, to his surprise. He’d think he was doing this to checkmate him, to prove that he lost his way to the right path. Instead, he watches the man tear up and whisper,

”You’re my one and only.”

Suguru stands there with his jaw dropped, and he immediately laughs upon processing his response. Why, Satoru? Even after all this time? Even when he has betrayed every single one of them?

”At least curse me a little at the very end.” he could only muster a faint smile on his deathbed. The approaching nightfall seemed to signal the inevitable arrival of his own demise. The world, it seemed, had dealt a particularly harsh hand to people like them, and for what reason? Perhaps this lifetime was not meant for them, but surely the next one would be. And if not, then the next after that, and the next, and the next.

All at once, a soothing warmth envelops him, akin to a tender embrace he knows all too well. This scent, this comforting temperature—it's etched in his memory, as are the arms that cradled him. Only one person has the power to grant him such profound ease.

”Satoru, please stand up. We need to get rid of the body.”

”Shoko… please leave us alone.”

Of course, it would have been the two of them who was there to stay at his very last moments. At this particular time, he has already passed, but somehow he’s retained the memory of Satoru staying with him in his arms for one last time. Even in a different life, he still would’ve loved him, and he still would’ve been his.

…

Suguru springs out of his bed as he awakens, cold sweat running down his forehead. He slaps himself in the face to confirm if he was alive and thriving, and upon looking at the palms of his hand as well as his reflection on his phone, he could confirm that he was all in one piece and indeed still breathing.

He finally remembers everything. He looked at the time on his phone, and it seems he only took a nap that lasted for an hour. It was late on a Thursday night, and he wasn’t even sure if Satoru was awake. Still, he hurriedly ran outside of his apartment to find him, no matter where he would be.

"Suguru?" a familiar voice reached his ears, and as he turned around, he discovered Satoru at a nearby playground, leisurely sipping a can of soda while swaying gently on the swings. "What are you doing ou–"

Before Satoru could utter another word, he dashed towards him, causing both of them to tumble off the swing and spilling a hint of soda on their clothes. Satoru swiftly shielded both their heads before their fall and gazed at the other with deep concern. "Suguru! God, you shouldn't have done that! Are you alright–?"

He’s crying. Suguru’s crying. He tried to hastily wipe the tears away, but his efforts proved futile as the tears only streamed more freely. Satoru kissed him tenderly in an attempt to ease his sorrow, tears tracing down his own cheeks as he whispered, "You're making me just as sad."

“I love you.” Suguru tells him, “I love you more than anything. I didn’t say it to you back then, but you’re my one and only as well. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for–”

“You remember.” Satoru was no longer tearing up, for he was finally fully sobbing as he pulled Suguru into a tight embrace, “You remember. You remember everything, don’t you?”

Suguru nodded, his voice barely more than a whisper, smiling as his tears weren’t stopping from falling, "I do."

In that precious moment, amid the shared tears and the flood of memories that swelled within their hearts, they found an indescribable peace within each other's warm embrace, just as they had always felt. They clung to each other with an unwavering clasp, neither of them eager to let go of the other so that they could stay in this wonderful moment that had them in its tender grip.

Satoru gently held Suguru's tear-stained cheeks, a gesture that had always spoken volumes, and brought his face closer, allowing their lips to meet in a soft, heartfelt kiss. His voice trembled with emotion as he whispered, "I knew I'd find you."

Suguru chuckled through his tears, a mixture of joy and relief, as he replied, "We're not leaving each other this time, are we?"

Satoru shook his head, his lips seeking Suguru's once more, as if to kiss away all the pain and sorrow that had haunted their years apart. He declared with full determination, "No, we're not."

The weight of the unspoken words and the burden of lost time had finally been lifted, unveiling a future where they could seize another chance at love, free from the curses, the sorcerers, and the circumstances that had once cruelly torn them apart. They stay within each other’s distance with no inches separating them apart, and without anyone to bother them, they continue making out under the moon.

“Does that fucker Toji Fushiguro exist in this universe as well?”

“Let’s just hope he became a normal father.”

They conclude their brief conversation, only to reignite their passionate kiss once more. From the moment they first locked eyes at the party to this very instant, they had shared 237 kisses. With each passing second, the count continued to grow, seemingly without any intention of slowing down. It was as though they were making up for lost time during their days as sorcerers, letting the tally climb by a hundred during their first week as a couple, a couple thousand by the time they graduate, and even a hundred thousand more on the day of their wedding, with no end in sight until the day they met their demise once more.

But that moment hadn't occurred yet, and even if it had, they remained steadfast in their belief that they would find each other again in another lifetime. Even in a different life, Satoru would remain to be Suguru’s, and Suguru would remain to be Satoru’s.

—

“Jesus.” they immediately halt their make-out session at the playground when they hear someone in the area who turned out to be Shoko, ultimately disgusted by what she saw, “Satoru, you had me all worried only for me to find you swapping spit with this dude right here at the fucking playground??”

“Shokooo!” the two of them pull her in a tight embrace. Suguru hugs her even tighter, wailing once more once he feels her in his arms again, “I missed you. I missed you very much.”

“We’ll never leave you alone again!”

The two men cry as they continue hugging her, leaving Shoko who was between them, absolutely confused at the situation. Nevertheless, she laughed at seeing the weeping faces of these two lovers, so she pulled them in to give them one big, tight hug and individually gave them kisses on the forehead, “Both of you are as stupid as the other.”