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You Handed Me The Stars (and told me to pass them on)

Summary:

When Natalia was young, she would sit in front of the old television that her father had managed to bring back, her older sister diligently translating the English broadcasts into Russian. A man, blond hair and bright smile, was chosen to board the Challenger and set off to outer space. Fate was cruel, but if Alfred couldn't make it to the stars then Natalia decided she would do it for him, for her idol, so his memory could live on.

Of course, the ghost on the International Space Station may have thrown a bit of a wrench in her plans, but that was beside the point, right?

Notes:

Ha, this took way too much time.

For Hetalia Rarepair Week 2023, Day 6 prompt Ghosts, I give you this. I could have also made it historical, but I didn't want to make anyone above 35 feel old. I'm nice like that.

Not the best, and I likely will do some massive editing, but I wanted to put this out there.

Disclaimers Below:

This fic does not seek to belittle, mock, or ridicule the Challenger Disaster in any way, shape, or form. While the event integral part of this fic, the people involved deserve more than a 6000 word Hetalia fanfiction shipping the nations of America and Belarus. There is a singular named mention of a person involved in the event, however that is all. This fic aims to build off of the relationship between Alfred and Natalia, and the affect a single person's dreams can have throughout time. Descriptions of this event are not graphic, however if you cannot read due to this, then you may find another fic to read, I don't mind.

I do not own or claim to own Hetalia or any of the characters, people, or settings in this fic. All rights go to the original creators. I own only the story.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

When Natalia Arlofskaya was young, when asked what she hoped to do with her life, with her legacy, she would look to the stars above. Distant, twinkling things, and Natalia would respond that one day she wanted to make it to space.

Now, teachers and older adults would smile not unkindly, knowing how incredibly impossible the task would likely be, but they would humor the young Natalia, telling her that anything was possible if she tried enough. Nobody expected her to actually make it to space-after all, the chances were less than one in a million, especially for a young girl dead-smack in the middle of the Belarusian S.S.R. in the Soviet Union in the mid 1980s. No normal young child would have ever made it to outer space with the skills that Natalia had been given.

However Natalia was not a normal child, and she had something that others did not.

An idol, a passion, and an American astronaut named Alfred F. Jones.

~

"What's he saying?" Natalia asked, her eyes glued to the old television screen in front of her. Natalia’s father, David Arlofskaya, was oftentimes absent with business abroad, and showed his care in rather extravagant and obscure gifts, as proven from the rug hanging on the wall from Nepal. As rare as it was, David had also managed to procure a T.V. that could access channels from outside of the Belarusian S.S.R.

More specifically, American channels.

Natalia's older sister, Yekaterina, more affectionately referred to as Katya, smiled softly as she stared at the white haired girl. "He's talking about his family, Natasha." Katya responded softly, creasing the cloth in her hands as she hovered behind Natalia, never too far away, and Natalia scowled.

"I could have guessed that!" Natalia exclaimed, ever the short fuse, "I want to know what he's actually saying!"

"Ah," Katya responded, humming softly as she continued to fold the pile of clothes that had been deposited onto the couch in front of her, listening more intently. At 17 years of age, Katya had quickly gained a shocking fluency in the English language, working as her small city's unofficial translator (and Natalia's personal NASA 'ambassador' whenever the younger girl managed to catch a broadcast the first time around). Katya set the piece of clothing in her hands to the side-a long t-shirt, once hers, soon to be passed town to Natalia whenever she grew of age. The small family, composed of Yekaterina, Natalia, and their brother Ivan, who was often absent, had to make do with what they had, which often ended up being second hand (or in Natalia’s case third) clothing.

"'I would like to give a shout-out to my brother, Mattie. He's the main reason I'm here now, if it wasn't for him...if it wasn't for him I'd likely be dead in a ditch in the middle of Kentucky.'" Katya translated smoothly into Russian after a moment’s silence, the words far more recognizable in Russian than they had been in English. While the Belarusian language was not outlawed, it was certain that Russian was more respected among the higher ranking, and David had taught his children so.

"Where's Kuhn-tuhk-ee?" Natalia asked, sounding out the word as the sounds got stuck on her tongue, seemingly catching behind her teeth, and the girl scowled again, her pale face scrunching up in a manner that appeared minorly painful.

"It's a state, in America." Katya responded, folding another piece of clothing, a dress shirt owned by her father. Katya mentally noted that she would likely have to iron the garment later, if the electricity bill allowed. "Near the middle." Katya added on helpfully, to no avail.

"I don't know what that means." Natalia responded, her face scrunching up. "Tell me in space terms." Natalia demanded, and Katya sighed as she folded one of her mother's old dresses, one that now belonged to her. Natalia reminded Katya of the older woman, before ailments had struck her. Vasilisa Arlofskaya had never been a healthy person, but her third (and final) pregnancy seemed to have been the nail in the coffin, as the American foreign exchange student that worked at a nearby cinema would have stated boredly. Vasilisa had been able to wait it out a few more years before she finally succumbed to her sicknesses, passing one late December evening after Natalia and Katya's younger brother Ivan had already been put to sleep for the night.

Katya had been forced to act as the mother figure for her two younger siblings after Vasilisa passed, her father absent as a diplomat working abroad, oftentimes meeting fellow Eastern Bloc nations for meetings of various purposes. Katya practically raised the two younger siblings herself, sustained only by the occasional assistance from her elderly neighbor and biweekly payments from her father to scrape by on groceries.

"It's near the MSFC," Katya responded, a content look settling on Natalia's face.

"Alright." Natalia said, sitting in silence for another few moments, eyes carefully tracking the man on screen. Alfred F. Jones, a name that had become quite familiar to residents of the Arlofskaya household, and the subject of Natalia's most recent fixation. The blond haired American was 28 years old, riding on an astrophysics degree he had received from the G.I. Bill after service as a helicopter pilot in the Vietnam War, Alfred had slid his way straight into N.A.S.A.'s radar and quickly became a pop sensation. Beautiful, young, charismatic, and perhaps most importantly relatable, Alfred was the face of N.A.S.A.'s space program, and nobody seemed to have much of an issue with that.

"What's he saying now?" Natalia questioned.

"'I'm honored to be an astronaut on the Challenger-I can still remember when I was a kid, watching the Apollo lift off for the first time. My grandpa-Terry, bless his heart. He isn't dead, just antisocial-Terry still remembers back when the New York Times was saying we wouldn't fly for another 10 million years. Of course, before the week was done, the Wright brothers were up in the air gliding on the breeze without a care in the world, but it's just insane. This is truly an honor, and I must thank everyone in my life for helping me get here today. I wouldn't be able to do this without you all. This is for the American people and the children of the world, but more importantly everyone told their dreams were impossible, because they aren't. Take it from me.'" Katya repeated as Natalia's eyes remained fixated on the screen.

"Wow." Natalia said, before turning to stare at Katya. "Do you remember that?" Natalia questioned, and Katya paused, considering for a moment.

"The Apollo mission?" Katya asked, and Natalia nodded, almost reverently. The T.V. continued to play in the background, the interviewer now moving to discuss something with a brunette woman listed as Sharon McAuliffe, Alfred having vanished from the screen entirely, Natalia's interest fading along with him. "No, I was a little baby. Mama used to tell stories though, back before Father got his job. They huddled around an old radio at the bar on Main Street as he relayed the words, translating from English into Russian.”

‘It was as though the word had gone silent for a moment, Katya.’ Vasilisa had explained once, wispy and softly, as though recalling a dream. As though speaking of the event too loudly would be a disrespect to those that graced the skies the way that they did. ‘“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” It’s difficult to explain, Katya, truly, but it was beautiful.’

“It was as though a new era had been born. The Soviet Union had always been ahead in the Space Race, but this was America’s way of saying, ‘We’re still here, still powerful, and you’d best not forget it’.” Katya continued almost solemnly. She wondered what the world would have been like if the two superpowers hadn’t been locked in an endless war of munition, if she and her siblings hadn’t had to go through drills week after week, hiding beneath desks in the event that the United States launched some kind of attack against the homeland. Katya doubted that the desks alone would be able to save them from a nuclear bomb, but she would keep quiet. Everyone needed a bit of hope in a time like that.

"Oh." Natalia seemed to think on this for a moment, before turning to Katya with a determined look on her face. "I'm going to go to space someday." Natalia decided, and Katya's lips quirked up.

"Really?" Katya questioned, and Natalia nodded.

"Yep! I'm going to go allll the way to outer space, just like Alfred!" Natalia declared loudly, and Katya smiled.

"I'll be right here on Earth watching you, Natashenka." Katya responded.

~

Kyle Hughes Kirkland was the name of the man. He was older, in his 50s with brown hair graying at the edges and crows feet around his eyes that crinkled when he smiled (which was rather often), and kind nonetheless. And one of the few surviving relatives of Alfred F. Jones.

Katya had often told Natalia that fate was not kind to the masses, and oftentimes more inclined to twist and tug unfairly as opposed to gifting people what it wanted (albeit in rather simpler terms). Natalia had never really understood what Katya meant until she found herself kneeling in front of the T.V. screen, impatiently waiting for the 10th voyage of the Challenger and the first voyage of Alfred F. Jones. Natalia could still vividly remember asking her sister why it was taking so long for them to lift off, and her sister explaining that they had to check diagnostics, make sure that everything was working correctly so that nobody would get hurt while the ship was going into space.

'But it's so boring,' Natalia had all but whined, and Katya had smiled.

'It's just to keep the astronauts safe,' Katya had responded, and a few minutes later the countdown began.

Natalia sat silent, eyes fixed on the rocket ship as it lifted off, gray smoke streaming behind it. Even Katya and Ivan fell quiet at the sight-until, just a minute and 13 seconds later the Challenger exploded.

Fate was unkind, but Natalia remained undeterred. If Alfred could not make it to space, then Natalia reasoned that she could do it for him, much to her sister's despair.

"If Alfred could see you now, he'd probably start crying, the big hunk." Kyle Kirkland was the American astronaut's cousin, one of the people he had held so dear that the blond haired man had left behind. "The idea that he had inspired someone else to follow their dreams-" Kyle shook his head, a smile crossing tugging at his lips. "That was all he ever wanted, you know?" Kyle asked, looking up, his eyes glinting with unshed tears.

Natalia nodded. "My sister would translate his speeches. Back in the Soviet Union." Natalia responded curtly, but not unkindly. "I remember it vividly."

"I suppose you remember the accident as well then." Kyle said, and Natalia turned away. January 28th of 1986 was a day she would never forget, as long as she lived. They say that enough time heals all wounds, but Natalia only found the ache growing, pain for a man that she had never met.

"It was a terrible day, not just for America, but for the world." When Kyle had reached out to the Belarusian girl, offering to meet her for coffee at a cafe a short 30 minutes from Cape Canaveral, Natalia had accepted. She wasn’t a social butterfly by any means, but something about the situation felt different, felt special, and Natalia was willing to stomach minor discomfort in order to meet Kyle, when given the chance.

Kyle sighed. "We were always worried." His eyes seemed to fixate on the paper cup in front of him, steam slowly, almost lazily drifting out. A simple black coffee, none of the fancy bells and whistles, and Kyle had stated when Natalia cast the Australian man a questioning look in the order line. Natalia agreed, but Kyle just hadn’t struck her as the kind of person to do that. Seemed more like somebody that would enjoy milk, cream, sugar, the works.

Natalia never had been good at reading people.

"But N.A.S.A. had promised his safety-the safety of all of them. And they had kept their promises so far." Kyle fell silent before shrugging and bringing his cup to his lips, a solemn air settling over their booth in the cafe, and Natalia’s eyes drifted again. From the woman manning the cash register, a bright smile on her face as she talked with someone that must have been a regular, to the family of four sitting near the bay windows that overlooked the busy street, as people raced to make it to their jobs early that morning.

Natalia could only nod, taking a slow sip of her own drink.

"I wish you the best of luck, Miss Arlofskaya." Kyle said finally, and Natalia's eyes darted back to the older man. "Alfred truly would have been beside himself to meet you.” Kyle cracked a small smile that Natalia returned.

“Godspeed."

~

It was August 27th of 2004 when Natalia went up to the newly erected International Space Station. She wasn't the first person to make her way to the near permanently inhabited home among the stars, but it was monumental anyway. A Belarusian astronaut inspired by the late Alfred F. Jones, about as American as they came, making their way to outer space.

"For my sister, and for all of the older sisters that did far more than their siblings will ever truly recognize. Katya is the reason I am here today, and that is not something I'll ever forget. And for Alfred F. Jones, he may never have met me, but he truly shaped my life." Natalia had stated when asked if there was anyone she was flying for, a solemn air settling over the flight field. The interviewer-a Hungarian woman with a pink flower nestled in her hair, had only stared with an indescribable expression on her face before moving on to the next astronaut, a Canadian named Madeline Williams-a distant relative of Matthieu, Alfred's brother.

"It's truly a beautiful thing to do, dedicating your flight to those who have passed." The woman said later, when the camera's had stopped rolling, the sun slowly sinking into the horizon line. Shades of magenta faded into orange and purple, lighting up the clouds an array of different colors. "I can only wish you more luck in your journey then what they had in theirs." Elizabeta was her name, and Natalia had been correct in her assumption that she was Hungarian, her family having left shortly after the attempted revolution in 1956.

"As do I, for myself, their legacy, and my fellow cosmonauts." Natalia responded, Elizabeta giving her a strange look at that statement.

"They don't call them cosmonauts here," Elizabeta said, and Natalia cracked a small, sly smile.

"You can take the girl out of the Soviet but not the Soviet out of the girl," Natalia responded, and Elizabeta burst out into laughter.

"Call me when you get back to Earth, alright?" Elizabeta said when her giggles finally subsided, "You've got a good sense of humor."

Natalia turned away to hide her smile. 'When'. She liked that.

~

"Welcome to the International Space Station." Ania Iskakova Kim, a no-nonsense woman notorious for being a stickler to the rules, had greeted Natalia upon docking the apparatus. "Watch out for the ghost." The Kazakh cosmonaut tacked on, seemingly as an afterthought.

"I'm sorry, the what?" Madeline had questioned, almost frantically, reaching forward in an attempt to keep Ania from moving away to no avail. If Natalia knew one thing about her fellow astronaut, it was the blond-haired girl’s seemingly endless panic, as Madeline never stopped overthinking absolutely everything.

"You'll know it when you see it." Ania had responded blankly, much to the astonishment of the new-comers and the boredom of the current I.S.S. residents. "And then you'll wish you hadn't."

~

"Oh my god."

Natalia had mostly brushed off the earlier statement of the Kazakh woman, assuming it to be some sort of poorly planned out hazing ritual. Apparently not, as proven by the ghastly pale and semi-translucent figure hovering in front of her.

Now, Natalia considered herself a rather brave person. I mean, to get into what was essentially a metal tube and use the force of an massive bomb to propel yourself into the endless expanse of outer space, knowing you will be destined to fend for yourself for the remaining time you spend there, the sun that gives you life slowly but surely deteriorating your body, destroying the very cells you are composed of, you have to be a bit brave. However when faced with the ghost of the American astronaut she had idolized for the last 21 years, any semblance of the character trait that Natalia had so-coveted went flying out the window, as her podmates soon discovered.

"Listen-hey, stop screaming-you're just gonna wake up Kim, and she's going to be pissed-ah come on-" Ghost-Alfred stopped talking for a moment as Ania floated over to the screaming Natalia, a tired expression painted on her face. A pale hand reached up to rub at the circles beneath the Kazakh cosmonaut's eyes.

"Your screaming is very loud and it's very early." Ania stated blandly, "Would you mind toning it down?"

Natalia abruptly snapped her mouth closed. "I need to be sent back." Natalia said, Ania giving the Belarusian girl a flat look.

"And why might that be?" Ania questioned, deciding to humor Natalia much to Ania’s own annoyance.

"I'm suffering from severe hallucinations, likely as a result of mental break." Natalia responded, and the cosmonaut tilted her head back towards the ceiling of the I.S.S. module, her eyes sliding shut as she seemed to question why she was doing this at all. Finally, Ania spoke.

"You are not hallucinating." Ania responded.

"Then there must be a gas leak or something," Natalia argued, the other inhabitants of the I.S.S. slowly floating into the main area, nearly everyone as tired-looking as Ania.

"What happened?" Madeline asked, surprisingly diligent for someone who had been woken so early in the morning. Worry creased her features, "Is everything alright? Do we need to radio in to Mission Conto-oh Jesus, Mary, Joseph Christ what the fuck." Madeline said, her voice trailing off as her face blanched, eyes landing on the ghost.

"I'd appreciate not saying their names in my earshot," Alfred said flatly, "If I ever get up to heaven then they have some things to answer for. Namely why I'm here." Madeline blinked widely.

"A-alfred?" Madeline questioned, the man in question giving a small wave.

"The one and only!" Alfred responded brightly, his face splitting into a wide smile, as though it hadn't been a day since that fateful mission in early 1986. "Nice to meet you!"

The I.S.S. was greeted with another round of screaming.

~

"We don't know why he's up here-there's no leaks, everybody who has entered the I.S.S. has passed all mental exams, and everyone who has come here has seen him." Ania explained, "There's no way to get around it. He's here to stay."

Natalia could only stare. How was that possible? Everything Natalia had been taught told her that science knew of no confirmed afterlife, no place for souls after death, just absolutely nothing. For some reason Natalia never found herself fearing death all that much, even when she believed there to be nothing after, but now? With Alfred in front of her? As a ghost?

"I'm going back to bed-if you have any more questions, just ask Al." Ania said, before slowly making her way back to the sleeping pods, much of the crew following and parting their separate ways, leaving only Natalia, Madeline, and a South Korean astronaut by the name of Jin.

"Howdy! I'm Alfred F. Jones, though I suppose you know that, resident ghost of the International Space Station and the scourge of every Soviet cosmonaut's existence!" Alfred exclaimed brightly. "It's nice to meet y'all, I look forward to seeing you work!"

"I'm-going back to bed." Jin said eventually, grabbing Madeline's wrist and nodding back towards the sleeping pods. "C'mon." Madeline reluctantly went along, leaving only Alfred and Natalia in the center module, an array of beeping devices and monitors scattered on every free space available.

"Uh, sorry for freaking you out back there." Natalia's eyes darted up to meet blue ones staring directly at her. "I guess I was just excited to actually, you know, meet you."

...

"What?"

Alfred flushed-as much as a ghost could, turning away slightly as he mumbled something.

"You're going to need to speak up," Natalia said flatly, somehow retaining her carefully constructed demeanor of an uncaring cosmonaut.

"Uh-sorry, this is going to sound really dumb, but I guess I was just excited to see someone I inspired?" Alfred suggested, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "This is, like, really kinda trauma-dumping, but I always wanted to be someone people could up to. Like a hero! 'Course, I just had to go and die, not much can be done there, but..." Alfred trailed off, before shrugging nonchalantly. "You should probably get to bed. Time waits for no one and you're going to need the rest up here, radioactivity sucks."

Natalia blinked widely at the statement and Alfred offered her a nervous grin, before the cosmonaut sighed.

“I suppose we can wait until morning to figure this out after all.” Natalia said, and Alfred’s grin widened into something more genuine.

“You’re the boss, Boss!” Alfred exclaimed, and Natalia could only marvel at the sheer bizarreness of the entire situation.

~

Over time, Natalia grew used to Alfred. Well, as much as she could, considering that Alfred was the resurrected spirit of the dead astronaut that Natalia had idolized for her childhood, the reason Natalia found herself in outer space now.

Alfred remained enthusiastic as always, a constant in the ever-changing nature of the world, and a secret known only by those who had found their way up to the International Space Station, an elite few. Natalia learned things about her crewmates, slowly but surely, and she learned things about Alfred as well. Like how the boy had once chucked a bottle full of pee a week old at the former church pastor on a dare, or the fact that Alfred knew how to backflip and was on the cheer team at his high school, or how he had enlisted when he was 17 years old. A lot of little things, things that made Alfred feel less like an impossible, uncomparable, and untouchable celebrity, and more like a person, just like Natalia.

Ignoring the fact he was a ghost of course.

"I remember the crash," Alfred sat in front of a bay of windows, his eyes fixated on the distant Earth as he wrapped his arms around his chest. January 28th, the 19 year anniversary of the incident that had defined both Natalia and Alfred's lives (or lack thereof) "I didn't die immediately, and in the midst of my panic there was this moment of hope-maybe I could survive this?" Alfred laughed bitterly, a wet sound, and Natalia reached out in hopes of-what? Comforting him? Natalia wasn’t even sure she could touch Alfred, how was she supposed to help him? She couldn't say it was all alright, because Natalia couldn't tell Alfred a lie that they both knew couldn't be true, and Natalia was never the best at emotions anyway (as Katya would often remark).

"But that far up? That altitude? I was an idiot to believe there was a possibility, and that made it so much worse." The outline of Earth was murky through Alfred's form, blurred and grayed out, and Natalia momentarily noticed that Alfred was still wearing the flight suit he had worn when boarding the spacecraft all those years ago, still bright-eyed, still alive.

"It hurt-lord did it hurt. I remember thinking of Mattie,” Alfred paused, blinking back tears that would never fall, that couldn’t ever fall, before forcing himself to continue. “And then there was just. Nothing."

"I woke up 14 years later in outer space with a crew full of people saying this was the International Space Station and it was 2000. And I was dead." Alfred let out a choked laugh-sob at that statement, as though finding it humorous despite the sheer Shakespearean level tragedy of it all.

"Oh." Was all Natalia could offer in response, and the cosmonaut hesitated. "Did you ever try to go home? On a shuttle back?" She questioned, a nagging feeling in the back of her skull. If Alfred hadn’t, then maybe there was a possibility that the blond-haired ghost would be able to get back after all.

"Time and time again." Alfred said, and just like that Natalia felt her heart drop. Alfred drew himself into a standing position the best he could in such a low-gravity environment. "I just wish I could have said goodbye knowing it would be goodbye. Everything I said back then-it just feels so half-hearted." Alfred shrugged, a painful lump forcing back all the words he wanted to say but just couldn’t.

"We all knew the dangers, but couldn't possibly imagine that we would be the ones to..." Alfred trailed off, turning to offer Natalia a small yet genuine smile. "I'm just glad to have inspired you, if nothing else."

~

When Natalia came back to Earth, she found her family waiting for her diligently, her sister Katya bursting into tears at the sight of her. It felt like everything had changed, and yet so many things had stayed the same. Natalia knew she was different, if nothing else.

Alfred remained a trade secret of I.S.S. astronauts, something unspoken around those that had made it up to such a prestigious level. Natalia ended up crossing paths with Ania some months later, the woman as sharp-eyed and silver-tongued as she had been on the space station, even riddled with cancer from the result of three separate trips to the stars.

"It's astonishing, isn't it?" Ania asked, and Natalia pursed her lips, waiting for the Kazakh cosmonaut to continue.

"Being up there-it really puts things into perspective. How fragile life really is-I suppose Alfred is a rather big part of that." Ania's lips quirked up as she took a small sip of her coffee. "They say you don't know death until it's staring you in the face, Alfred's proof of that, is he not?"

Natalia had nodded along, not fully understanding the older woman's words but feigning that she did so anyhow. Natalia supposed that Ania was right. Something in Natalia, whether she wanted to admit it or not, had changed that night when Alfred had mentioned the explosion, his death. The idea that her goodbye could truly be goodbye for good, it was something that Natalia never really put much thought into.

"They'll likely send you up again." Ania cast a considering look over Natalia, knocking the Belarusian girl out of her thoughts, and Natalia glanced up again.

"I'd say another two trips, at most. You're young, healthy, your cells are more likely to regrow, fight back against cancer." N.A.S.A. stated that its astronauts were no more likely than the average American citizen to develop cancer, however the fear of a higher chance due to constant radiation bombardment still lingered despite it all.

"There will come a day where you have to say goodbye to him." Ania continued nonchalantly and Natalia's eyes darted upwards, meeting the cool hazel of Ania’s own, fixated on something off in the distance. "Are you prepared for that?"

Ania may have left, moving back to Kazakhstan, her homeland, 3 months later, but her words remained. When N.A.S.A. said Natalia could no longer travel to space-because it wasn’t an if, but a definite when, that would be it. Natalia would lose Alfred forever. And the prospect of that was more terrifying than Natalia was prepared to admit.

Natalia remained on Earth for another 9 months before N.A.S.A. called her upwards again, to the cosmos, to Alfred, and the first thing Natalia looked for when the airlock unsealed was the ghost's sunny expression and bright grin.

~

Their relationship was doomed. When you couldn't touch each other and return was no guarantee, when one was living and the other dead for nearly two decades, there was no way that it would ever work. Despite that, when Alfred looked at Natalia and smiled, Natalia felt her heart clench in her chest. And when he linked his pinky in hers, somehow, inexplicably able to touch the Belarusian girl, Natalia felt hope.

~

Natalia ventured up to the space station once more, in 2007, for a mere 8 month stint, and Alfred stared at her sadly.

"This is your last time." Alfred said eventually, and Natalia bit her lip, turning away.

"Yeah, I'm sor-" Natalia began, only to be cut off.

"It's fine." Alfred sighed, "You don't need to apologize."

Natalia looked up, confusion in her eyes, and Alfred's eyes remained trained on the Earth.

"I love you, Natalia, but..." Alfred trailed off, before he shrugged, tears in his eyes as he smiled. "You can grow old. I can't. I want you to find someone to grow old with, someone that you don't have to pass rigorous physical and mental exams and get bombarded with constant radiation to see. That person isn't going to be me, and it never was."

Natalia remained silent as Alfred took her hands in his, before one reached up to cup her cheek, the appendage holding an eerily human-like warmth. Something Natalia was only reminded Alfred was not, not anymore.

"Thank you, for giving me hope. I won't forget you, Natalia, and the fact that I inspired you to follow your dreams..." Alfred trailed off. "Just-thank you."

The blond-haired ghost moved to pull away before Natalia grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Alfred gave Natalia a puzzled look before the cosmonaut tugged Alfred forward, hugging him tightly as silent sobs wracked her thin frame.

~

It was March of 2008 when Natalia stood outside of a coffee-shop, eyes trained on the Hungarian reporter from so many years ago within. Long brown hair cascaded over the woman’s shoulders, spilling onto the deep blue of the dress shirt that she wore as the reporter absentmindedly thrummed her fingers against the coffee cup in between her hands, eyes fixated on the world passing by just outside the windows. Elizabeta reached up to take a sip, and Natalia felt something in her heart twist.

Natalia had taken the woman up on her offer after all, all these years later.

As Natalia mustered up the courage to enter the shop, she glanced to the sky. Alfred was somewhere up there, somewhere among the stars-Natalia didn't know what would happen to him when the I.S.S. would eventually close down-she didn't want to think about that-but he remained there, endlessly circling the Earth. Maybe he would remain there, even after the space station was in decay, abandoned decades in the future, drifting among the stars. Maybe he would come back onto Earth, or find his way to whatever the successor of the module would be. Or maybe Alfred would find peace wherever he moved on to. Natalia didn't know, and she never would. Alfred would remain a secret, held only by Natalia and her peers, and destined to remain that way for all of eternity. A secret that would die with those that knew of it. Of him.

Abruptly, the Belarusian girl found herself recalling those days spent with Katya in their home, eyes glued to the T.V. while the older girl dutifully translated the broadcast. Life was simpler back then, but Natalia wouldn’t change anything if she had the chance.

Maybe that was something strange about her, but her experiences made her who she was now. It took Natalia to beyond the clouds, to the vast expanse of outer space itself. Both good and bad, Natalia’s life stories had shaped her, and therefore shaped the people around her.

Natalia was a different person now, but the loud and demanding child that insisted she would make her way to the stars remained, an unknown bravery thrumming through the 8 year old’s veins. She was still that little girl that watched with wide eyes as the rocket exploded far over Florida, but Natalia was also the teen girl that spent late hours into the night studying for exams, still the 23 year old Air Force pilot dutifully serving the armed forces of Belarus, still the young woman standing in front of the rocket as she prepared to go to beyond Earth, beyond everything Natalia had ever known. And Natalia was still that same person that had stood alongside the ghost of an astronaut long since passed, simply watching the world turn endlessly far, far below them. Everything seemed so small in the face of death, and it made the little things matter all that much more.

Taking a deep breath and steeling herself, Natalia pushed open the door and from her corner of the coffee shop Elizabeta looked up, a smile breaking across her face.

"I thought you had ditched me for a second there!" Elizabeta exclaimed brightly, drawing herself to her feet and nearly knocking over her cup of coffee as she moved to greet Natalia, and the cosmonaut offered a small smile in exchange. The former cosmonaut, she supposed.

Natalia’s eyes flickered out the window, towards the blue sky above. Another chapter of her life, like any other, in a book destined to go on as long as Natalia remained of this Earth (and maybe even longer).

The Hungarian reporter quickly latched herself onto Natalia’s arm, tugging her towards the menu board as she began rapidly talking. "Now, they've got a killer Danish, but personally I've got to recommend the coffee cake-absolute godsend..."

Natalia only smiled.

~

Alfred would not be forgotten, and neither would Natalia, and even over 37 years since the original accident that had sealed Alfred’s fate, his memory remained. Little things, a soccer ball taken to the I.S.S., a flag donated by a Boy Scout troop from Colorado, or an asteroid named the 3357 Jones. Hell, memory remained in a little boy named Thomas Alfred Williams, the son of the South Korean astronaut that had tugged Madeline back to the pods that late 2004 evening miles above Earth and Madeline herself, or the flowers that would be laid on Alfred’s grave every July 4th and January 28th without fail.

Natalia Arlofskaya was no longer the young girl that demanded translation, or even the astronaut that kissed a ghost with the light of the sun far off in the distance on one side and the very Earth itself far, far below on the other. She wasn’t even Natalia Arlofskaya anymore, but rather Natalia Héderváry, a simple silver wedding band hanging around a chain on her neck as she held the hand of the woman she had been married to for nearly 5 years at this point.

Somewhere else, far detached from the people that you know so well, in a small house near the Liechtenstein-Switzerland border, a young girl named Erika stopped in front of a T.V. screen, her eyes tracking the person displayed upon the device. The girl, blond hair and a bundle of dreams and destiny not yet decided, turned to her older brother.

“Could you translate, please?” The girl all but begged, eyes wide with hope, and the man sighed heavily, before turning to the English broadcast.

The man waited before he spoke again. “‘When I was young, I wanted nothing more than to see the stars up close, to hold them in my hands. I thought they might be warm. I haven’t been able to do so yet, but my childhood passion carried me to the cosmos.’” The man, Basch Zwingli repeated. “‘I can only hope to inspire others the way that those I idolized inspired me.’”

“Big brother, who’s that?” Erika questioned, and Basch watched the screen a moment longer.

“An astronaut from America named Natalia.” Basch said after a moment of silence, and a small smile spread across Erika’s face.

“Astronaut…” Erika tilted her face upwards. “Huh.”

If she might have looked a bit harder, she could have caught the glimpse of a silver aircraft hurtling thousands upon thousands of feet above, in a constant free-fall around earth. But she didn’t, and the young girl turned to continue her way down the street, older brother in one hand and a seed of an idea planted, already just barely growing in her mind.

Notes:

Welp.

idk what to tell you all, I've got to go work on assignments, but, uh, here you go.

Comment! Even if it's just an apostrophe, I appreciate it, and I hope you like the ship. It might not be the rarest rarepair ever, but I like it anyway. And yeah, I posted this a day early, but I didn't want it to sit in my drive any longer.

Did I put way too much effort into this? Absolutely.

All information is sourced from the Wikipedia article regarding the Challenger explosion as well as the I.S.S.. Information regarding the effects of radiation on astronauts is sourced from N.A.S.A. The comment on hiding under desks is sourced from various older people online who went to school during the cold war. The sentence, "Little things, a soccer ball taken to the I.S.S., a flag donated by a Boy Scout troop from Colorado, or an asteroid named the 3357 Jones." References the soccer ball that was originally in the Challenger, a flag donated to the space craft by a Boy Scout troop from Colorado, and the asteroids named after the crew members (3350 Scobee, 3351 Smith, 3352 McAuliffe, 3353 Jarvis, 3354 McNair, 3355 Onizuka, and 3356 Resnik). 3357 Jones follows the naming patterns presented. The first I.S.S. crew went to the space station in 2000, Natalia entered in 2004. If anyone wants a timeline I think I wrote it down somewhere.

This is a work of fiction and not intended to offend anyone or make any political statements.

And with that, we draw to a close. Let me know of any editing, grammar, or continuity errors, and I hope you enjoyed.

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