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“You should just ask him on a date already!” Maya exclaimed.
She was usually cheerful and supportive, but even she was reaching a point of exasperation when it came to Phoenix’s refusal to act on his feelings for Edgeworth.
“What—? What’s that for right now?”
“Um, cause you’ve been talking about Mr. Edgeworth for like, half an hour.”
“Yeah, because he was the prosecutor on this case and I’m doing the paperwork!” he raised a paper sheet as to demonstrate, then pointed at Maya with the pen on the other hand, “Also, you’re drowning Charlie again!”
“Don’t change the subject, Nick!” Maya said, but she lifted the watering can and put it away from the poor plant, “Why don’t you just call him right now? You’re free tonight!”
“No way! Maya, don’t look at me with those sparkly eyes!” Phoenix said. Maya walked over to the table and sat in front of him, keeping up with the sparkly-eye attack. Phoenix’s eye twitched, “I don’t want to, you know, ruin our relationship!”
“C’mon Nick, Mr. Edgeworth is going to say yes!” she said, and it was not the first time she had said that. But Phoenix stood firm on his stubbornness.
“You don’t know that! He’s probably not! And you need evidence to accuse someone—”
“I have tons of evidence!”
“Objection!” Phoenix’s instincts kicked and he slammed the table. “I’m sorry, Maya, but you have not presented good evidence for your case.”
“So you’re saying…” Maya’s brain gears started working and she smiled excitedly, “that I have to build my case!”
“Wait, what are you going to—”
“Wait here, I’m going to call someone!”
“Maya?”
But she ran out so quickly Phoenix couldn’t say anything else. What was she planning to do!?
Well, it didn’t matter, no one was going to actually pay attention to her, right? So he just finished the stupid paperwork and called it a day. He was thinking about what to cook for dinner when the door rang.
“I’m coming!” Maya suddenly appeared and ran to the door.
“Wait, please tell me it was a joke—” Phoenix started, feeling a cold sweat. The sweat intensified when Larry Butz, Dick Gumshoe and none other than Franziska von Karma entered his living room.
“So, this is where you live?” the prosecutor said. “I knew you were a low man, Phoenix Wright, but this is even worse that I imagined,” she put on a smug smile and shook her finger ‘no’, “And you wonder if you’re good enough for Miles!”
“What—, Maya!” he hated that his voice sounded higher-pitched than normal. “What exactly did you tell them?”
“I told them we needed a trial, of course!” she said with the biggest smile. “Now let’s get to business!”
“Let me help you!” Gumshoe offered.
Phoenix watched speechless as they moved the couch and put two tables on each side and one in the middle with a stapler, for some reason.
“Okay, the courtroom is ready! Everyone take your seats!” Maya said.
Franziska went ahead and took the prosecutor side while Phoenix was dragged to the defendant side by Maya. Much to his horror, Larry appointed himself as the judge.
“Wait, why are you the judge?” Phoenix asked.
“It’s obvious, I’m kind of a love connoisseur, so obviously I’m gonna make the best judgment here, Nick!” he raised his hand in a thumbs-up gesture as he finished talking.
This is— great. I’m so dead, Phoenix thought.
“And why are you the prosecutor?” he kept asking, this time to von Karma. “I thought we were discussing if Edgeworth would go out with me, and you’re saying he’s not guilty of that… wouldn’t that make you the defense?”
“That’s the foolest thing a foolish fool like you could foolishly say,” she replied, then pointed to him. “I simply refuse to be the defense!”
I— don’t know what I expected, Phoenix thought.
“Everyone, silence!” Larry intervened, and he hit the table with the stapler several times. “Court is now in session!”
“What the heck—”
“Is the defense ready?” Larry cut him.
“I— um— no.”
“Great!” Larry smiled. “And the prosecution?”
“The prosecution is always ready!” Franziska said.
“Okay, who’s the first witness?”
“I think Detective Gumshoe can start by telling the facts of the case,” Franziska proposed.
“Yes, ma’am!” he took the witness stand (well, the witness spot, because they had no more tables) and started his testimony, “I’ve known Mr. Edgeworth from quite a while now. He always has lots of female admirers, but I’ve never seen him with a girlfriend. Also, he once said he never felt attracted to woman’s perfume, when investigating the room of two flight attendants. So, there’s probably something there!”
“Objection!”
“Wait, already?” Phoenix didn’t even process that… testimony (he was still wondering how this was his life), and Franziska was already raising an objection.
“I’m not surprised you’re unprepared, Phoenix Wright,” she mocked him.
“What’s the matter, Franzy?” Larry intervened. “You think the inspector lied about something?”
“He did not lie, however, all of this is irrelevant to the case!” she stated. “It doesn’t matter what way he swings, it doesn’t mean that he has to like this poor excuse of a man.”
“Hey!”
“She has a point,” Larry said, ignoring Phoenix’s complaint, “This is a good foundation, it makes the accusations possible. But we need more specific proof.”
“I’ll get to that in a sec, pal!” Gumshoe said.
“Oh, inspector, can I testify next?” Maya asked.
“Aww, you’re so cute, Maya!” Larry said. “You’ll be our second witness, then.”
Gumshoe left the stand and Maya took the place. She didn’t wait before getting to her testimony, “Mr. Edgeworth and Nick have been friends since they were kids! But when his dad died, Mr. Edgeworth had to put distance between them. However, he still remembered his school friend after all those years! That’s because he was important to him! And even more, he said he had confusing ‘unnecessary feelings’ for Nick! We all know what THAT means. Oh, and—”
“That’s enough, Maya,” Larry cut her. “We’re going to analyze this testimony first.”
“Okay!”
“The defense can question the witness now.”
“Wait, what am I supposed to question?” Phoenix asked.
Franziska shook her head, “I’m not surprised a foolish fool with foolish hopes doesn’t even know how to foolishly do his foolish job.”
“Hey, I know how to do my job!”
“Then what’s the problem? Just do it.”
“Okay!” Phoenix finally resigned. “So, uh, witness.”
“Yes?” Maya cheerfully said.
“How do you know these feelings he was talking about were romantic ones?”
“C’mon, Nick! It’s obvious!” she said. “Don’t you read fanfiction?”
“Fan…? What’s that?”
Maya suddenly looked as if a truck had just ran over her, “Oof! Nick!” she said, looking like she could tear up, “Sometimes I forget how old you are.”
“I’m 26!” he complained. “Anyway, I have proof that he didn’t have any romantic feelings for me!”
“But you’re not supposed to prove that, that’s Franzy’s job!” Larry said.
“I won’t stop you from digging your own grave, Phoenix Wright,” Franziska said with a smirk. “But, okay, I will present my proof. I present the letter Miles left behind after you solved the DL-6 case.”
She raised a hand with nothing on it. For a moment, no one said anything. Phoenix scratched his chin and said, “You don’t have anything in your hand.”
“Well, obviously I didn’t have time to gather the evidence,” Franziska said, crossing her arms. “But we’re roleplaying.”
“Yeah, Nick, don’t be a party pooper!” Maya said.
Phoenix sighed, “Okay, okay, jeez.”
“So, as I was saying,” Franziska continued. “Why would he leave the man he loved after being saved by him? Easy: because he doesn’t love you.”
She did a curtsy like she didn’t just break Phoenix’s heart in ten pieces. Actually, she probably did it because she did know she just break Phoenix’s heart in ten pieces.
“Maybe he just… needed some space, all those events were pretty heavy,” Phoenix said, suddenly having the urge to defend himself. His lawyer instincts started to kick in. “Besides, I have proof that he actually cared. He came back to help me for the circus trial.”
“Circumstantial!” Franziska said.
“He helped me save Maya from that serial killer!”
“I also helped with that,” Franziska remembered him. “And I assure you: I’m not in love with you.”
“Then I present this! The proof list we put together! Take that!”
“What’s that supposed to prove, Phoenix Wright?”
“It’s obvious, Ms. von Karma! We worked on that case as enemies, but ended up supporting each other’s theories and helping each other! From that evidence, anyone could see our compatibility, and the fact that Edgeworth sees me as someone dear to him, as well as a good partner!”
“Objection! That was just part of his job as a prosecutor!” Franziska counterattacked. “You can’t use that as proof that he likes you!”
“Then I’ll show you more proof—”
“What the hell is going on here?”
Everyone stopped and turned around to see none other than Miles Edgeworth standing in the living room’s door.
“Hello, Mr. Edgeworth!” Gumshoe said, ignoring the various shades of pale everyone was turning in the room. Especially Phoenix. “What are you doing here?”
“I was nearby and thought I could pick up that paperwork from our last case,” he explained. “And I found the door open.”
“Detective!” Phoenix growled, but it came out almost like a whimper.
“You left the door open? Do you not want a raise?” Franziska glared at him.
“It was an accident! And I really need a raise…”
“Stop going off on a tangent!” Edgeworth exclaimed. He had his arms crossed and seemed pretty pissed off when he walked to Phoenix. “Why are you discussing this on a trial? If you want to know if I’ll go out with you, just ask, you coward!”
“I— um—” Phoenix gulped. “Do you want to— have dinner with me?”
Edgeworth glared at him for a few extra seconds, then his expression softened, “Yes, I’d like that.”
“Wait, for real!?”
Edgeworth checked his clock. “It’s not too late, let’s go,” he said, turning towards the door again, “I want to try a new restaurant.”
“Oh— okay, yes!” Phoenix finally reacted, a big grin in his face.
He took Edgeworth’s hand and they left the apartment, leaving the others inside. There was a bit of a silence until Larry broke it, “So in the case of not wanting to date Phoenix Wright, I declare the defendant, Miles Edgeworth, not guilty!” and he hit the table with the stapler.
“So I lost?” Franziska muttered, clenching her teeth “I know it was not serious, but I’m a von Karma! I can’t lose!!”
Behind her, Gumshoe took a bag of confetti out of nowhere, and started throwing it on the air.