Archive of Our Own ^beta

“what d’you think about the see-through shirt?” ten asks jeno, loudly, as he rinses the shampoo from his brownish-blond hair.

on the other side of the shower curtain, jeno stands in front of the mirror, trying without much avail to draw the perfect wing of eyeliner. he is already dressed up in a white shirt with one too many buttons opened and ripped blue jeans, his hair gelled up. he just needs his eyeliner done to be ready, but the task seems painful to achieve. “you look hot in it, hyung,” he answers just as loud, so his voice is heard despite the water dropping on the bathtub and september playing on the speaker.

ten feels his body grow hotter, when the water on his body is already so very hot. there is only a piece of plastic separating his naked body from jeno’s eyes, for fuck’s sake. he can take being naked before jeno’s eyes, but he cannot take a mere compliment that jeno has given him a voice-losing amount of times already? god, this should not make him react like this. and yet.

he is not sure of the nature of his and jeno’s relationship, not really. they have been on dates – both in and outside – and talked for hours on end without ever running out of things to say, they have kissed more times than there are words in the bible, they have washed each other’s hair, they have had mind-blowing sex, they have slow-danced in ten’s kitchen at three in the morning. all of this, but jeno has never asked him to be his boyfriend. he has never said these three words that ten longs to hear every time their fingers brush when they walk side by side – and ten, with reason, is too much of a coward to speak them first.

he croaks out a small “okay,” which he is not sure that jeno hears.

ten knows that he and jeno are painfully monogamous and definitely into each other – he knows that and still, his brain tells him that jeno does not really like him like that . ten is the type to trust too easily and to love wholeheartedly, and he thinks that he has weirded his exes out by putting his heart into their hands too early in the relationship. it has brought him disappointment, pain, and so, so much self-consciousness. this all resulted in him not having enough faith in himself to say i love you first – even to his jeno, who deserves to hear it every second of his precious life.

he stays under the water for another few minutes, trying to regain a somewhat decent composure, before he turns the shower faucet off abruptly. he shakes his head, exhales harshly, and hopes for his thoughts to leave him alone. at least for tonight, he thinks, for his and taeyong’s sake. because tonight is taeyong’s birthday party, and he does not want to ruin it for himself nor for others by overthinking. he definitely intends to enjoy it to its fullest.

his arm snakes out of the curtain to snatch the pink plush towel that is hanging off of the heated rack, taking his time to dry himself. he breathes in and breathes out, wanting the fight between his brain and his heart to be put on standby before he steps out of the shower.

when he does – the towel wrapped around his waist – his sight is so beautiful that if ten were not already in love, he would have fallen right then and there. a fond smile unconsciously appears on his lips as he watches jeno’s concentrated face in the mirror, lips pursed and eyebrows frowning.

ten sneaks a hand around jeno’s wait, pushes his chest onto his back slightly, careful not to nudge his arm and make him ruin his makeup. he presses a long kiss full of unsaid words on jeno’s nape, and hopes that he understands.

he stays there, then, for a song or two, melting into the junction of jeno’s neck and shoulder. he is reluctant to detach himself from his lover, but he forces himself still. he has to get ready, or they could be late to taeyong’s and he does not want that. he makes eye contact with jeno in the mirror, winks and makes his way to his bedroom to dress himself up as dances along to my alcoholic friends . ten’s heart feels lighter. and if jeno chuckles as he watches him leave, ten does not hear it over the music.

once in his bedroom, ten puts on boxers and throws the towel on his bed carelessly. he goes into his walk-in closet and rummages through his clothes, determined to find the sleeveless black see-through shirt that makes him look so hot in jeno’s eyes. he does not dress for jeno – of course he does not – but he trusts jeno’s words, even if jeno would find him hot if he wore a trash bag. the hangers cling against one another and ten hears the song change in the distance, but cannot quite make out its lyrics.

he finds the shirt hidden between a lovely cream-colored blouse and a blue denim jacket, and he thinks that he should rearrange his wardrobe soon. he puts the sleeveless shirt on, and looks at himself in the full length mirror at the end of the closet. he smiles a satisfied smile, because he does look super hot in it. his tattooed chest and arms are on full display, in a way that is pretty and sexy at the same time.

he then goes to where his pants are neatly hanging from their rails, and hums to himself as he searches for the perfect one to go with his shirt. he takes some out, examines them, and puts them back. he would usually go for suit pants, but he reasons that the room will grow hotter as the party goes on. so instead, he digs out black booty shorts and settles on wearing those. they will allow him to show off the new calf-high boots that he has just bought, so that is a plus.

he slips the shorts on, as well as some simple white cotton socks. he does not like how polyester feels against his skin, so much that he shivers of disgust every time it accidentally does. he turns to adjust the way the shorts hug his butt, until they do perfectly. he knows that heads will turn when he will pass them in the street, and he likes the attention. still, he likes jeno’s attention more.

he chuckles, shaking his head a little, and his hair gets into his eyes. he skips towards the bathroom again to fix that, and the lyrics of bohemian rhapsody become clearer as he comes nearer.

jeno lets out a frustrated sigh. he is still in front of the mirror, liquid eyeliner brush held just above his eyelid, but he has not drawn a wing yet. he does not have faith in his makeup skills, and he has been pushing himself to try anyway – except he did not find it in himself to do so. his sigh quickly turns into a small smile, though, when ten enters the room. he is softly humming along, and jeno thinks that he is so cute, despite the revealing outfit that he is wearing. 

ten sees the despair in jeno’s eyes, so he softly holds his wrist and spins him around so that jeno is facing him. caged between the basin and ten, jeno finds that he does not mind at all the familiar position. ten places a rapid kiss on his lips, and jeno squeals on the inside, his frown disappearing instantly.

“why don’t i help you with that, mhm?” ten asks, but it is not really a question, because he takes the brush out of jeno’s hands.

jeno thinks that he should not learn to do his makeup, if he has a kind and beautiful boy with golden skin and hand-drawn tattoos willing to do it for him. his heart swells. “okay,” he says, and the smile on ten’s lips is so sweet that jeno cannot help but to kiss it. ten welcomes it, and everything in this bubble of theirs feels fabulous.

when they part, there is a glint in ten’s eyes. oh if looks could heal, jeno would not hurt for a second more. ten has this sudden urge in his chest, so he accepts it and kisses jeno again. and again, a little deeper. he cannot bring himself to say the words, but he can show jeno how they feel.

jeno rests his hands on ten’s hips and brings him impossibly closer, kissing him more intensely. and that is how ten knows that jeno maybe, probably, hopefully understands. ten smiles into the kiss, his arms locked around jeno’s neck. until i found you is playing far into the background, because they are each other’s only focus. perhaps that is all that ten ever needs.

they part again, reluctant and breathless. without a word, ten cradles jeno’s jaw into his left hand. and it fits there like it was meant for ten to hold. this close, he can see every miniscule imperfection that makes jeno so perfect. “pretty,” he murmurs to himself – but jeno is just a breath away from him, so he catches it. jeno feels a little dizzy under ten’s full, sparkling attention. he can hear his heart beat in his ears.

“hyung, if you keep looking at me like that, i’m gonna kiss you again, and there’s no way we’ll be at taeyong’s on time,” he warns, but there is no alarm behind it, like he does not truly care if they are late to the party. ten giggles. he giggles , and jeno does not quite know what to do with himself. (oh he has heard ten giggle more times than he can count, but he is still not used to the feeling that the tinkling sound gives him).

but that is okay, because ten kisses him again. it is just a quick peck on the corner of his lips, but jeno still relaxes. “eyes closed, baby,” ten speaks in a whisper, and jeno thinks that he imagined it. ten brings the brush up to jeno’s eyelid, urging him to close his eyes. and jeno does so, but not without resistance, because he would have liked to stare at ten a little longer.

ten is too experienced to poke eyes while putting on makeup on himself or others, yet he is careful when he draws the wings on jeno. the heat of his cheek under ten’s palm is grounding, and he, as expected, does not mess up. slick, sharp lines of black highlight his lover’s face, once he is finished. he places the brush down, and his heart stutters when things i’d do for u starts playing. he takes his time to admire his art on jeno’s eyelids, to admire jeno . and oh, how enamored he is with him.

before the latter can open his eyes, ten brings their foreheads together. please , he begs in his mind, please, jeno, i’ve told you, please tell me you love me . he can only hope that it reaches jeno. it is not desperate, because ten does not do desperate. he just needs jeno to put a name on their relationship, because he cannot be the first to do it. previous boyfriends and girlfriends have ruined him in that way. 

it is selfish of him to want jeno to confess first, he knows, and honestly kind of hates himself for it. it is selfish to pray for jeno to just speak the three harmless, meaningful words already – simply because ten hopelessly wants to tell him that he loves him, too.

and jeno, as if knowing exactly what ten needs, draws him to his chest and embraces him. there, head burrowed in jeno’s shoulder, each and every insecurity of ten’s disappears as fast as ice cream under the july sun.

they bask in the soft music and each other’s presence. it is safe here. because at this very moment, there are no more questions and no more doubts, just the reality that jeno is ten’s. and ten thinks that, perhaps, they should ditch the party and stay in this very bathroom forever.

the song comes to an end, changes to something more upbeat. and just like that, the moment is over.

jeno kisses ten’s temple, once, twice, and says, “i’ll let you get ready, love.” but he does not let go. his hands rub up and down ten’s sides, before he grabs a handful of his ass, making ten gasp in surprise. the latter's lips fall into a playful smirk as he gives jeno’s chest a gentle slap, before he leaves his arms to take his place in front of the mirror.

jeno chuckles, and goes to sit on the empty washing machine opposite of the bathroom sink. belting out the lyrics of sex, drugs, etc , he watches ten put some mascara on. and ten’s heart twists with affection when, through the mirror, he watches jeno throw his head back, broken-voiced and beautiful.

he takes out a dark red matte lipstick out of the drawer, and applies it carefully on his lips with the hope that jeno will make a mess out of it later in the night. the thought makes him smile a bit broader, and shivers run down his spine in hidden excitement. 

after putting the stick away, ten meticulously combs his almost-dry hair with his fingers, and it takes a couple of tries before it falls messily to frame his face in the way that he wants. he takes a few steps back, and is satisfied with the image that the mirror is reflecting. his outfit is bold enough, so he knows that he does not need too much makeup.

he turns to jeno, whose legs open instinctively as soon as he sees ten approach. and ten walks the few steps that separates them slowly, stare sultry, driving him a little insane. he even sways his hips to the rhythm of the music, just slightly, and jeno thinks that he might die before he gets to taste ten’s lips again. his hands are itching to reach for him. he is aching to touch him and to kiss him on every secret spot that only jeno’s mouth knows the way to – but that is not the game that they are playing. ten has the lead, and jeno is more than happy to let him have it.

ten is singing along to the song that is playing, but jeno cannot hear it. because right now, in jeno’s world, nothing exists but ten’s dark eyes on his. ten settles in between his legs, his chest close and his face closer. jeno does not dare to make contact, so scared to break the familiar atmosphere.

there is a smirk on ten’s lips, and a gleam in his eyes that tells him that he knows that jeno is struggling to keep his hands to himself. and god , jeno should not find it so sexy, especially after seeing it so many times. but jeno is only a man, and ten is a shining star who decided that jeno was worthy of him. he may be so weak under ten’s stare, but he is also so fucking lucky.

ten’s lips ghost over his, always teasing, never touching. “hyung…,” he sighs, ready to go on his knees and beg for just one kiss. he has nothing to lose, and he is sure that ten would enjoy it. but the second that the thought crosses his mind, ten’s slender hands find his thighs and knead .

jeno cannot help the soft moan from escaping him. ten smirks, always more than pleased with the reactions that he can get out of the younger. he leans in closer, and jeno thinks that ten will finally indulge him. he has been good, he did not touch ten, and he believes that he deserves it. even the smallest graze of ten’s lips against his would be enough, would take him to outer-space. but instead, ten reaches for the speaker behind jeno and is out of the room.

dumbfounded – but mostly not realizing what has just happened – jeno sits there, staring at his reflection in the mirror, but he does not really see himself. he just is getting blurrier.

ten places the speaker on his dressing table, champagne & sunshine blasting out of it. he mouths the lyrics as he waits for jeno to join him, putting on two silver bracelets on each of his wrists and countless silver rings on his fingers. but he waits, a song, two, three, and jeno is still not there.

he goes to the threshold of his room and singsongs a “baby,” mirth evident in his voice, dragging the y so beautifully. and just like a sailor is enchanted by sirens, jeno is enchanted by ten. a mere, sole note of his voice is enough to get jeno out of his musing state.

only then does he take what ten did in, but he cannot bring himself to be mad. 

he walks to the room and finds ten waiting for him, seated on the messy cover of the bed, fiddling with a thin silver chain. ten has heard him arrive, so his head is perked up and his eyes are crescent-shaped. he is welcoming jeno in without words, as he rightly knows how to. jeno breaks into a smile at the sight, and goes to sit in front of the boy with the smoothest skin and the prettiest features.

“you’re so full of shit,” he says, once he is. something dances in ten’s eyes, because they both know that there is no bite behind jeno’s words. there never is, jeno is too infatuated with ten for that. “you’re lucky i can never be mad at you,” he brings his hand up to cup ten’s cheek. he leans in, but ten stops him with a gentle hand on his wrist. “nuh uh, handsome. you’re not ruining my lipstick, not yet,” he chuckles.

ten places jeno’s hand down on his own naked thigh, and meteor shower starts playing. jeno’s heart is so close to leaping out of his chest.

it is ten’s turn to lean in. he runs his fingers along jeno’s collarbone, taking his time, feeling the solidity of him, before he clasps a necklace with three small pendants at the back of his neck. he leaves his hands there when he leans back. with a killer-watt smile, he says, “i got earrings that match, if you want.”

jeno can never be mad at him, but he is definitely mad about him.

it is taeyong’s boyfriend, doyoung, who welcomes them when jeno knocks.

“oh, if it isn’t my greatest nemesis and my blessing in human form!” doyoung exclaims, opening the door wide and stepping aside so they can enter. ten snickers, and jeno smiles that eye-reaching smile of his. doyoung hugs them, one after the other, then bounces up and down while clapping his hands together excitedly, “i’m so happy you could make it!”

ten does not resist the urge to kiss his cheek. doyoung is cute, and ten has missed his best friend a lot. having big boy jobs makes it hard to find time to see each other as much as they would like to, and available slots are becoming rarer and rarer in their synced google calendar.

doyoung positively beams, and the two of them start to chatter as they walk to the main room. jeno takes the bag with taeyong’s presents from ten’s hand, so delicately that ten does not notice. he goes to place it on the dedicated table in the kitchen, before he quickly comes back to their side.

ten quite literally throws himself into taeyong’s arms when he sees him. taeyong stumbles back a bit, but hugs him tight once he has found his balance again. “i’ve missed you, too,” he chuckles, and ten lets him go. jeno simply greets him with a side hug, because he is not as close with taeyong as ten is.

they say hello to the few people who have already arrived – johnny, jaehyun, renjun, and his boyfriends mark and yangyang. when he is finished with rapidly catching up with them, ten is immediately by doyoung’s side again, and they engage in a passionate conversation about whatever it is that a dance teacher and a therapist who have known each other for all of their lives talk about.

jeno joins mark – one of his closest friends since they sat next to each other on the first day of high school – but not before pouring himself a green iced tea in one of the big red cups that look straight out of a 00’s american movie for teenagers. he does not want alcohol just yet, but perhaps later in the night he would indulge in some of it. he and mark engage in a conversation of their own, and jeno notices as the room slowly fills up with more people dressed one as nicely as the other.

the music cannot be heard over the hubbub of the room, now crowded with 25-ish year-old people who are not the quietest in town. as taeyong goes to turn it a smidge louder, he finally makes out bonnie & clyde by yuqi. she is currently on tour, and lucas – the clyde to her bonnie – is with her through every step of it. taeyong is a little sad that they cannot attend, but there is a present from them on the table, and they have promised to video call tomorrow.

haechan surprises taeyong by placing his head on his shoulder, and that makes taeyong feel better instantly. haechan only giggles, yet taeyong still caught the message. i got you, hyung. don’t think too much tonight, and just let go. you deserve it. he does not know how haechan does it, but he eases his heart and fills it full with warmth. he should talk about it with doyoung. not tonight, but definitely soon.

haechan takes his hand and almost drags him through the crowd, stopping when they reach mark and jeno. haechan does not let go of his hand, and taeyong does not mind.

“are you good, hyung?” jeno asks, because taeyong already seems exhausted despite the small smile decorating his gorgeous face. taeyong has prepared all of this – the decorations and the drinks and the activities – for them to have a great time, so jeno understands. he is truly grateful for all of it. still, taeyong nods and jeno believes him.

he takes a sip of his drink, now a beer, content with knowing that the birthday boy is enjoying himself. jeno has had his fair share of disappointing birthdays, and taeyong is without question the last one whom he would wish one on.

jeno’s eyes find ten’s through the group. ten winks in that playful way of his, and jeno chuckles inwardly. then, they both settle back in their own conversations.

the pizzas arrive sometime between the end of dangerously and when mark and haechan decide to attack taeyong with kisses. jeno takes this moment as his cue to leave, and goes to meet his pink-haired best friend who is standing against the wall near the hall. they do not speak, because they do not have to. ten had once said something about jeno and jaemin being twin flames, whatever that means. instead, they munch on a slice of margherita, then another, then another, all the while listening to chenle’s endless rant about a fictional character that they cannot quite replace.

jeno downs the rest of his drink, and tells jaemin that he is going to join the one who holds his heart. “how dare you leave me, the love of your life, to go mingle with some guy!” jaemin feigns betrayal, as if he did not have a boyfriend of his own standing right before him. jeno sticks his tongue out at him, “deal with it!” and the air is buzzing with laughter and happiness.

ten is sitting cross-legged on the couch, his back against the armrest. doyoung is seated in the same position in front of him. their knees touch, and they are laughing loudly. jeno tries not to coo at the sight.

“any more pizza for you, my good sirs?” is what he says instead, and ten huffs out a little laugh. doyoung smiles as he answers, “i'm fine, thank you jeno.”

ten does not say a thing, but he shakes his head slightly and pats the armrest with a small tilt of the head. jeno kisses his lips – but it is not quite a kiss, because they are both smiling broadly – and sits on the armrest behind ten. and it is so natural, so unconsciously natural the way ten leans back to rest his head on jeno’s chest while he gives his attention back to doyoung. it makes jeno’s heart beat loud in his ribcage, and he hopes that ten does not hear it.

he starts mindlessly playing with the dark blond strands of ten’s hair, to calm himself down. ten and doyoung seem to be entertained enough with each other, and jeno does not mind listening. he has always been more of a listener, anyway. he knows that he could listen to someone talk for hours on end, if they are passionate enough.

he zones out for a moment – ten’s warmth and the constant stimulation of his hearing help a lot – and is brought back to reality when jungwoo turns the music down and clings a fork on a glass so that he can get everyone to focus on him. when he does, he announces, with the silliest grin that defines him on the face, “taeyongie hyung will blow his candles! please head to the kitchen, everybody!”

red-haired yuta helps jungwoo off of the chair that he was standing on, then kisses his lips.

“go to your man,” ten tells doyoung, and doyoung jumps off of the couch to run to taeyong with enthusiasm. ten chuckles as he stands up – doyoung still gets so giddy when he remembers that he gets to call taeyong his boyfriend, and ten thinks it is adorable. then, he offers his arm to jeno. there is something so full of affection in the way that he looks at him, something that makes jeno still for a second. quickly enough though, he hooks his arm through his, and they go to the kitchen. ten jokes with jaemin on the short way there.

they are packed in the room that was definitely not made for this many people, but ten finds that he does not mind being so close with people whom he loves. he sees a spot at the front, and he drags jeno there. he is not self conscious of his height, he just does not want to be standing behind jisung or johnny. he wants to be able to see taeyong blow his candles and open his presents, thank you very much. then, with infinite gentleness, he places his head on jeno’s shoulder.

taeyong sits down, a colorful paper birthday hat sitting on the top of his head and a bright smile adorning his face. there is a chocolate cake with the softest pink icing in front of him, and presents of all sizes occupy the rest of the table. doyoung starts to sing happy birthday as he lights the two funky number candles, and everybody follows.

ten thinks it is just so pretty, the way the flames reflect in taeyong’s big, brown eyes. he even thinks that if he was not this much in love with jeno, he might have had a little crush on taeyong. 

the song comes to an end, and the flames are gone as quick as they appeared. everybody claps and cheers. some of them even start to holler, because taeyong brings doyoung down by the collar to kiss him on the lips. it is long and sweet, despite the people watching. 

ten wants to kiss jeno, too, but he lets his friends have their moment. instead, he squeezes jeno’s hand, and jeno squeezes back.

jaehyun swiftly steals the cake from before taeyong, assigning himself on cake duty. johnny tells him that you’re so kind to offer to do that, jaehyunie, but let hyung do it, please . still, jaehyun insists on doing it, and after a few hushed arguments, johnny gives up. expectedly, jaehyun cuts awfully unequal slices that winwin helpfully puts on paper plates and hands out.

taeyong begins to open his presents, each more meaningful or fun than the other. he carefully puts the beautifully crafted letters in front of him, not trusting himself not to cry if he reads them now.

at one point, he snaps his head up and finds ten’s eyes in the crowd. “you remembered!” he exclaims, tubes and tubes of paint falling out of his lap while canvases and brushes are spread out on top of the other presents. ten snorts at his reaction, “of course i did.” he says it like it is the most obvious thing in the world. taeyong mentioned wanting to try out painting, once, and what kind of friend would ten be if he did not help his longest friend to express his creativity?

jeno looks at ten, eyes round and heart full. he forgot how thoughtful of a person ten is, and now is hit with a tsunami of the purest type of affection there is for him.

everything that happens after that is a blur. all he knows is that there is cake on doyoung’s face, that chenle is all over jaemin, and that he may have drunk one too many bacardi-colas – albeit he only drank two – and is feeling a little tipsy. he also knows that ten is very sexy dancing to despacito , and that he loves him a lot. gosh, he wants to kiss him so bad.

ten is a bit tipsy himself, but he cannot not feel the eyes that are undressing him. he knows that jeno is watching, and he makes sure that the show is enjoyable. it is not hard, because jeno is desperately in love with him – he just has to tell me. i need him to tell me. –  and he knows all of the moves that could make him pop a boner in taeyong and doyoung’s living room.

he does not feel guilty moving his hands down his chest ever so sensually and swaying his hips in the prettiest of ways, when please me comes on. he is a sight to behold, a vision, even, and that he knows. ten’s looks are the one thing about himself that he has always been confident in. he catches jeno shamelessly checking him out, and it only makes his smirk grow bigger.

ten sees the boy twitch on his seat from the corner of his eye, when he slowly rolls his body. he has teased jeno enough to know that the latter will break soon, and he cannot wait for him to.

surprisingly enough, jeno lasts for another two songs. it is when livin’ on a prayer starts that he decides that the mood has changed, and he gets up to meet ten on the makeshift dance floor. 

ten is screaming the lyrics in jaehyun’s face – jaehyun, who is mirroring his actions and whose eyes have eyed winwin particularly heavily tonight – so he does not see jeno approach, but rather he feels him get closer. like jeno is attracted to ten in the most literal way, and ten can feel him in his magnetic force-field. the corner of ten’s lip lifts up.

there is a soft caress on his arm, and jeno whispers in his ear, “wanna get out of here?”

 messily kissing his cheek, ten giggles, “thought you’d never ask."

ten holds jeno’s wrist gently, pulling him through the crowd. they bump into yuta and jungwoo making out in the middle of the living room without a care in the world, because they are so entranced in each other that they become slightly unaware of their surroundings. johnny wolf-whistles over the music as he sees them leave, and it makes mark laugh.

out of here is, in fact, the thankfully unoccupied guest bedroom up the stairs.

ten urges jeno in, and locks the door behind him. hendery has walked in on them more than once, and it had been uncomfortable on both ends. when ten turns, jeno pushes him against the wooden surface without a warning. ten gasps, then giggles again. jeno’s big hands find his hips, and he holds him there with an amount of force that turns ten on. the perfect amount of force, so that ten cannot escape. and ten would not even try to, anyway.

jeno leans in, drawn in by ten’s blown out pupils. his eyes drop to his dark red lips. then, they are back to ten’s own again, asking permission. jeno is always so polite, even when all that ten sees in his body language is jeno wanting to absolutely ruin his lipstick. to ruin him , too. 

but ten does not answer, or nod. instead he leans in as well, and jeno keens when he realizes that he is going to get the kiss that he has been waiting for all evening and all night. there is heat at the pit of his stomach, something in between arousal and pure excitement that he gets to kiss ten. or whether that ten wants to kiss him. it is not new, but it feels just like it. jeno is reborn with every kiss that he gets from ten.

– ten who has entered his life way before jeno could be interesting to him, but who has still let jeno in. ten who has let him crash his bed when he felt blue, and ten who has brought him to his dance studio because he knew that dancing would distract him. ten who is still too beautiful for jeno’s brain to fully fathom. ten whose body is warm and fits right under his hands. ten who is so careful with jeno’s feelings, ten who listens to him and ten who loves him. ten, whom he loves, too. –

except ten stops just a breath away from jeno’s lips once again, and he smirks. he slips away from jeno’s hold, and jeno groans deeply. his arm falls on the door, his head on his arm, and he tries to pull himself together. disappointed, almost frustrated, he whines a “i hate you so much.”

ten takes his shirt, shorts and shoes off, leaving himself in his jewelry and boxers only. jeno does not see, because he does not turn to face him until he hears ten shift on top of the perfectly made bed.

his back against the headboard, ten sees jeno’s air being knocked out of his lungs in real time. if it makes him feel all fuzzy inside, he keeps his smirk on and does not let it show. he gestures for jeno to come closer, and, pliant to his every wish, jeno does.

he straddles ten, rough jeans against bare skin, and ten’s hands find his thighs again. he lets them rest here, not moving, and jeno loves how his warmth – because ten is just so hot – passes through the fabric. it is a known fact that ten is obsessed with jeno’s thighs, almost as much as he is obsessed with jeno. just almost.

jeno does not lean in this time, but lets ten lead like he has all day. he will take everything that ten is willing to give him, because he knows that ten knows what he likes. because ten cares about what he likes, and all the teasing is a surface.

ten kneads his thighs hard and jeno moans unabashedly, not minding if the people outside of the room can hear him. they are too drunk, too into the music, too busy making out or giving head, to care, anyway.

ten relishes his sight. jeno’s head is thrown back just a little, and his eyes flutter close every time his touch becomes a little firmer. ten lets out a couple of breathless gasps himself, because it is jeno on his lap. and jeno’s pretty mouth makes the prettiest noises.

the edges of jeno’s world blur when ten comes chest to chest with him, and whispers on his lips in a sultry voice, “no, you don’t.” 

then ten kisses jeno, and maybe all of the teasing and all the waiting were worth it. it is slow for a few moments. jeno’s arms – that were lamely dangling at his sides – find their place on ten’s shoulders, and his hands lose themselves into the thick blond hair. he tugs out of habit, and that makes ten kiss him harder and clench on his thighs instinctively. yeah , jeno thinks, all worth it .

erections are straining in their boxers, they are both aware. granted, it is not something that is possible hiding when their bodies are so close. they do not plan on doing anything about it. not yet, and maybe even not tonight. ten is the one who will have the last word on this matter, and jeno is okay with that.

ten licks on jeno’s bottom lip, and jeno obliges, his mouth naturally falling open for ten to lick into. more broken whines escapes him as ten’s tongue finds his, and it is hot, it is all so hot, everywhere, and the fabric of the shirt does not feel right on his body anymore.

somehow, ten notices the change in jeno’s wants – but then, of course he does. his hands leave jeno’s thighs, and get to work all of jeno’s buttons undone. licking, kissing, sucking, his mouth never leaves jeno’s for one second. because for all of his teasing, he has been wanting to indulge jeno in a kiss ever since he first asked for it in his bedroom.

jeno brings him impossibly closer by the back of his neck, tugs again at the hair there. ten moans, and yanks jeno’s white shirt off of his shoulders. with urgency and ten breathing into his mouth, jeno finishes the work and takes it off completely. he throws it to the side thoughtlessly, and his hands are on ten so quickly that the latter barely registered them being gone. they are on his chest, on his face, on his sides, on his arms, everywhere that jeno can reach.

and it feels so good, almost breathtakingly so, because ten also has his hands roaming around jeno’s body. on his back, on his biceps, on his butt and on his thighs. the reality of them in this bed, making sure that the other is truly here by touching, and touching, and touching , nearly makes ten sob.

they keep kissing. it is long, it is messy, and they like it.

suddenly, jeno parts, moving back a little. ten is too dazed to completely comprehend what is happening, but he is too fully aware when jeno jerks at his waist to make him lay down. the gasp of surprise that he lets out is orgasmic to jeno’s ears.

ten’s head falls onto the plush pillow, jeno’s forearms on either side of his face. ten is caged under jeno’s body, under jeno’s beautiful attention. he is about to speak – to say what, even he does not know – when jeno crashes onto his lips without losing an instant, like ten is the air that he breathes.

ten grips onto jeno’s back at that, his painted nails drawing red lines, and engraving red crescents on the tan skin. he welcomes jeno deeper, and deeper, and deeper . into his mouth, into his body, and into his soul. ten’s heel forces into the small of jeno’s back, bringing jeno unbelievably closer. maybe they should just become one; one entity, tenandjeno instead of just ten and jeno. ten would love that.

after a little while, jeno parts, breathless. it could have very well been a minute, an hour, or even a day, for all ten cares – he is with jeno.

ten’s eyes flutter open to find jeno smiling softly at him, so softly that ten does not know what has happened to the jeno from a second ago. the jeno who seemed to want to devour ten whole. (ten would have let him).

jeno pushes himself onto his hands. “no, i don’t,” he whispers, seriously; so fond and enamored.

ten wonders what he is talking about, still lightheaded, and struggling to make sense of his thoughts. he observes jeno, his dark eyes and the beautiful moles scattered on his face. one of jeno's fingers softly brushes a strand back behind ten’s ear, and only then it hits him.

he loses his breath. jeno loves him. of course jeno loves him, he knows it.

but it is a different story, now that jeno has almost – just almost, goddammit – told him the words that ten had be dying to hear ever since that one time when jeno had treated him mcdonald’s, because ten felt sad, and they had eaten it on the parking lot, laughing as if only them existed. the words he so urgently wishes to tell jeno, too.

his heart is throbbing. tears are proding behind his eyes, but he does not let them fall. “say it,” he whispers, but does not demand.

jeno’s eyes open slightly wider in surprise. ten notices, and he thinks that maybe he should not have said that. he cannot force jeno to confess, especially if he is too much of a coward to do it first himself. it was in the heat of the moment, but now there is a bitter feeling in his throat. something akin culpability. he does not quite like it.

as he is about to tell jeno to forget about it, jeno turns his head to the side. ten lifts a hand to cup his jaw and make him look back, because he cannot bear to have jeno not look at him when the situation is so raw. but jeno does not look back, and instead hides in his shoulder. all of this, because he cannot look ten in the eye when he murmurs, “no.”

and oh ten expected anything, but not this. it is not outright rejection, because he knows that jeno would never do that. he is too kind of a soul to reject ten in such a way. this is not a rejection, anyway. and ten knows that, too. he put him on the spot, when he probably was not ready to say those three words that carry so much meaning. jeno is allowed to say no. but that does not mean that ten’s heart does not twist with a feeling that he does not want to acknowledge.

“i’m drunk, hyung, and you’re drunk, too. i don’t wanna say it if neither of us remember it,” jeno says, still not looking at his lover, and it is such a poor lie that he does not believe it himself. they were barely tipsy when they went up, and they had all the time in the world to sober up until now. the only thing that they are drunk on is each other. he knows that ten knows it, and that makes guilt fill up his throat.

ten takes jeno’s words in. he lifts his hand again, and forces jeno to have his eyes on him.

“jeno,” he starts, trying so hard not to have his voice break, “jeno, you wouldn’t have touched me like that if i was drunk.” he brushes jeno’s right cheekbone with a gentle thumb, his other hand resting on the back of his muscled thigh.

jeno breaks into a single sob, guilt filling up his mouth, too, now. he does not even know why he said no in the first place. it is not like he is scared of telling ten that he loves him, but it has taken him by so much surprise that he could not think very well. if this single mistake ruins everything that he has built with ten so far, he will never be able to forgive himself.

because jeno knows, of course he knows what ten has been through. ten had seated him and bared his heart to him, on that one early evening when they had a picnic on ten’s balcony. and jeno has been so dumb to forget everything during their rawest of moments. ten handles all of jeno’s feelings with so much care, so much attention, and jeno is just not capable of doing the same.

“please, baby.” ten says, and jeno opens his eyes, wondering when he even closed them. “don’t you want me? don’t you want me like i want you?”

jeno’s heart breaks a little at that.

ten is under him, his soul open and oh so vulnerable. his blond hair is spread on the pillow and around his head like a halo. his eyes are glassy. something in jeno snaps when he realizes that he made an angel cry. hell, that he made his angel cry. he believes that he never deserves to go to heaven after that, even if ten forgives him.

he brushes a stubborn blond strand behind ten’s ear, “hyung, i want you so bad.”

his voice is wet, but he finds that he does not feel as self-conscious as he usually would. and he knows that is because it is ten, right here with him. because ten always makes him feel safe, makes him feel like he can be his whole true self without judgment. he smiles a small smile as he leans into ten’s hand, his dark eyes never leaving his sweetheart’s, “i’m sorry, i love you. i love you so much.”

it feels so right, the way the words settle into ten’s heart before he can fully register them. it is so easy for them to do so, because they belong here. they always have.

ten feels jeno’s forehead on his, and only then does he notice the hot tears streaming down his pink cheeks. “shh, you’re okay. we’re okay,” jeno mumbles, along with other sweet nothings that soothe ten’s overflowing mind.

ten has been waiting for this moment for years, yet nothing could have prepared him for the amount of emotion that he is feeling now that it has happened. the uncomfortable thorn of his insecurities – that overshadowed his brightest moments with jeno with an ugly sentiment that he was so tired of feeling – is now pulled out, burnt and gone.

through his sobbing, ten beams when he finds jeno’s deep eyes already looking at him. “i love you, too. oh my god, i love you so much, jeno.”

their eyes are shining with happy tears, and they smile dumbly at one another.

then, jeno seals their lips, and suddenly everything clicks into place. “i love you, jeno. i love you, i love you, i love you,” he says in between their kisses, because he can, now. because ten is at peace with himself, because jeno has said it , and because jeno is in his arms and it feels magical.

when the air starts lacking, jeno falls to ten’s side, and stares at ten, who stares right back at him.

“thank you,” ten speaks softly, leaving all the reasons unspoken, for they do not matter anymore. jeno does not think that he should thank him, but he does not say it because it is something that ten needs to do and he knows it. ten stays silent after that, but jeno has a feeling that he is not finished.

“you know that i’m gonna say it all the time, now, right?” ten chuckles, passing his hand over his eyes to try and dry his tears. jeno laughs a bright laugh, head thrown back, and a few tears find their way onto his cheeks again. god, he loves ten so much.

ten thinks just the same as he watches jeno with hearts in his eyes, and the feeling that his chest could explode into heart-shaped confetti and fairy lights anytime.

“and i will mean it every single time,” ten whispers when jeno’s laugh eases off, getting closer to his lover until his head is on jeno’s chest, right under his chin, and their legs are intertwined. he breathes jeno’s perfume in, musk and amber, and ten realizes that he belongs here. he belongs in jeno’s arms – in the place where he can be anything, in the place where he can just not be ten for a little while – in the safest place there is.

“i know,” jeno murmurs in ten’s hair, placing a delicate kiss on top of his head. he smiles, just slightly, but it holds so much fondness. he holds him tighter, inconceivably so. and because it bears repeating, he says it again.“with every beat of my heart, i love you, ten.”

and ten’s world sings.