Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“F- Fuck Dove, you’re perfect.” he pants, hot against their shoulder. “Perfect.”

His clawed hands draw Esther impossibly closer, chest to chest, desperate to feel the beating of their heart next to his. Raphaels arms tremble with restraint as he does everything in his power not to move, to break the delicate bird perched on his lap. Savor this, savor them. Every inch of skin to his scales, every feather light brush of their lips to his temple, them.

He feels the tension in their back slowly melt as they adjust to him. Raphael feels a sigh, sweet and syrupy, against his cheek. It sounds like relief. He pulls away ever so slightly to look at their face and the sight makes him twitch deep within them. Esther is flushed and their kiss bitten lips are parted, their eyes are closed and brows are knit with focus. A waking dream, held close and leaning into him. They press their forehead to his, a needy plea just behind the gesture. Don’t go. His eyes sting.

He couldn’t if he tried.

Esthers arms untangled from behind his neck to have shaky hands cup his face. Wordlessly, they nod as they carefully grind themselves further down onto him. His mind stutters with the sensation, a low groan being the only response he can manage to their invitation before he catches up with himself. Raphael’s grip on them tightens ever so slightly and the whine he draws from his dove stokes something burning in his belly.

He rocks them in his lap, setting a slow and gentle pace. It’s entirely overwhelming and not at all enough at the same time. It is everything he had longed for, ached for since that first searing kiss. He needs them to know that, needs to show them, he needs them. He feels their heels dig into his lower back just below the lip of his shell as they begin to move with him, the tempo climbing ever so slightly. He catches their lips and swallows their moan when he bucks once out of time.

Esther breaks the kiss as suddenly as he had stolen it. Their eyes flutter open, half lidded and blazing, meeting his with such intensity he’s left in ruin.

“Please —“ They breath “More.”

A beat.

Dutifully he surges forward, closing the space between them once again. He puts everything he can into that kiss, each word he has yet to say, every hope and worry. He lifts them off his folded knees and presses them into the comforter all without slipping from their center. His thick arms unfurl from around Esther, landing on elbows, caging them beneath him.

His rhythm returns steady and deep. Controlled. Something in the back of Raphaels mind is already starting to slip, to get lost in the warm velvet of the person he loves — Loves. He can’t say it, not now, not yet, but he loves them, oh god he loves them. He makes a choked, broken sound as he trails open mouthed kisses down their neck, over their pulse. Has loved them for a long time. Will love them for longer. He thrusts twice, a little harder, a little faster, a promise to be kept. Esther gasps with each snap of his hips. It’s a beautiful sound. Music.

Their hands slip from his cheeks, lingering near reverently for a moment over the ragged scar on his left shoulder, to hold firm to his biceps. His name tumbles from their lips, wet and full of emotion. He chances looking into those painfully stunning eyes again to find what he thinks is to selfish to hope for.

Behind the tears, he swears he sees it.

“Dove—“ his voice is tender and longing and he fears he’s going to give himself away. “Are you—“

“Keep going.” They sob.

A man possessed, he does.

Even after their eyes screw shut he can’t look away from his song bird as they sing a chorus of yes, yes, my God yes. A clawed thumb comes up to swipe a tear from their cheek and he lets himself believe. Believe he could be loved. Loved by them.

It’s too much. It’s everything.

He nearly cries himself.

He rolls into them fervently now, losing his grip more with each noise he draws from them. Raphael is trying and trying and trying not to fall apart. He can’t, not now, not yet. He wants this forever, wants the burn in his thighs, the ache in his chest, the lump in his throat. He wants and wants and wants.

“R-Raph —“ Esther babbles, “I’m close— I’m—!”

He won’t last.

“Where?”

“I— I— Please—”

“I’m right there with you — where?” He grits out, he needs to know, he needs them. Needs.

“Stay.”

The word breaks him completely, all that’s left is need and want. Esther grasps blindly at the hand on their cheek and Raphael shifts clumsily to take it. All that’s left is love. He feels them tighten and he’s chasing the feeling. Fast and deliberate and relentless. It’s so good. He follows them up and up and up, would follow them to the ends of the earth, through hell.

And then they cry out. Heaven.

He sucks in a sharp breath. With a few more jagged thrusts he’s done for too. Yes. He buries himself deep within Esther and empties all he has into them. Everything. Their body takes and it takes, like it was always meant to. Yes. He growls into their collar. Something old and new all at once prays this will stick, proof, despite its impossibility. The thought and its implications are terrifying and exhilarating. My God yes.

Raphael rides every fleeting wave out with them as his moment in for forever comes to an end. He stays, just as they had asked him to, as the haze lifts and the world they share returns. He feels the cool early spring breeze from the nearby open window, the plush downy of the duvet, the sticky spill where his hips still connect with theirs.

His head continues to rest heavy on their shoulder as he works to catch his breath. He presses praise into their neck with each tender peck he steals between gulps of air. He lifts his head just enough to see them when Esther squeezes his hand twice, watching as they adjust it to place an all to chaste kiss to his palm. His breath catches in his throat.

He wants to believe.

Chapter Text

“Jesus—“ Raphael groans as his rough and worn hands hold their hips steady. He sinks deeper, inch by searing inch, into their center. Words leave him as his eyes flicker down to where their body’s connect, watching mesmerized as he disappears further and further until, finally, he bottoms out.

Raphael swallows thickly, lingering on the sight below him. One hand gives up its near bruising grip to stroke delicately over Esther lower belly. The gesture is reverent and adoring, sinful and needy. Their skin is burning under his palm, matching the intoxicating heat he fills.

Esthers own hand finds its way to his, stilling the gentle swipe of his thumb. They press his hand flat against their under belly, soft, giving, and his mind swims. He wants nothing more than to leave them full.

“Raphael” they beckon.

He meets their half lidded gaze obediently and finds an invitation in their blown out pupil’s. It’s frightening they way his heart leaps. It’s stuck in his throat in an instant and he’s choking on it. They already know his secret, It’s unspoken, but those piercings silvery eyes see right through him.

“Tell me” there is something desperate hiding under their quiet request “Tell me what you want.”

They already know exactly what he wants. He knows they do. He’s been caught.

“Tell me and it’s yours.”

Raphaels clenches his jaw, biting down hard on his tongue, hoping to keep his heart locked behind his teeth.

Fuck.

He breaks away, brow pinching with concentration as he steadies himself, suddenly weak at the knees under their scrutiny, before rocking back into them. The sensation, the ever so slight pull and push, god it feels so right. He nearly buckles. Esther relents, head lulling to the side with a sigh, merciful.

His eyes fall to where his hand, their hand, rests once again. He hesitates, not wanting to let go of the sweet maybe beneath his palm, before sliding his hold down, over the top of their thigh, to hook under their knee. He slowly presses in further, pushing Esthers leg up and even more open than before. He feels the tightness of their body, under his hand, around his cock, as he stretches them. His own knees bump against the side of his bed as he hangs over Esthers now arched and keening form.
Raphael bows to them, leaning in to to brush his nose against their cheek.

“Dove—“ he nearly whines, throat tight, into the the shell of Esthers ear. They turn into him, patient and panting, waiting for him to continue his poorly concealed plea. God, he pleads despite himself.

Instead, he takes Esters lips into a slow and purposeful kiss. He hopes they can taste the want on his tongue, so he doesn’t have to admit he is capable of wanting and wanting so deeply something he thought he could never have.

Why won’t he just let himself have this?

He is so fucking close to what he wants. They lay beneath him, literally in his grasp, kissing him, clinging back. They wait, follow his lead, ask in these intimate moments in thinly veiled ways if this, whatever it is, could be something more. Anything more. It’s already everything to him and yet he struggles against it.

Esther hums into his mouth, sugar, and he’s drinking their warm voice in greedily. The hand not hooked under Esthers knee floats up, snaking its way behind their neck to pull them in, deepening his hungry kiss further. They melt. Delicious.

He’s trying to get as much of this complex, intense, beautiful thing he can before it’s gone. Before he ruins it. Not sure how but if anyone could break something so good, someone so good, it would him. That’s why, he thinks. He’ll get them hurt, or worse, he’ll be the one to hurt them.

He feels their hands smooth over his scared chest and curl over the lip of his plastron. They push ever so lightly and immediately he moves as they wish before the gentle grip on his shell keeps him from pulling away completely. No running.

“Stop thinking.” They whisper between shared breaths. “Just— just be honest”

He huffs a laugh, trying to be nonchalant despite his hammering heart. It leaves him breathless. “Easier said then done.”

Excuses, excuses.

Raphael pulls back, the clawed hand behind Esthers neck moves to anchor himself to the mattress. Esthers lets him go, their own hands falling limply beside their head, fingers curling into his sheets. They lay open to him and good lord it’s a sight. Raphael can’t take take it anymore.

He slowly draws himself nearly all the way out before driving back in pointedly. Esther gasps in tandem with the sinful slap of his hips meeting the meat of their thighs. His grip on their leg tightens, he needs to hear that sound again and again and again. He takes them slow and hard, takes his time while he still can.