Work Text:
Cheadle stepped out of her room and was immediately met with the smell of dirty laundry.
Fuming, she marched over to her roommate’s door, pounding on it.
“Ging! Ging!”
After five minutes of pounding, her roommate finally answered the door.
“What?” He asked grouchily.
“You have dirty laundry everywhere. Our apartment smells so bad it’s a healthcode violation.”
“And what do you want me to do about it?” He had the audacity to ask.
She nearly exploded. “What do you think I want you to do about it?! Wash them!!”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, I would, that’s why I brought them out there and then I remembered I’m out of detergent.”
Hey eye twitched. “So you just left them out there?”
“Uh, yeah, was I really supposed to carry it all back to my room and then carry it all back out?”
“So when are you going to buy detergent?”
“Uh.” He scratched the back of his head. “Let me think… I probably have enough clothes to last until next week so…”
“What?” She yelled. “We’re not having your disgusting clothes sitting in the living room for a whole week! It’s unsanitary.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you. That’s just how it’s gonna have to be.”
Cheadle seriously considered wringing his neck but remembered she still had to finish getting ready for class.
“Ugh. Just use my detergent then.” She conceded. Sacrificing her cleaning products was worth it if she didn’t have to smell that repugnant odor.
“Fine.”
“Well? Go do it?”
“Later. I just woke up.” He tried to close the door but she grabbed it.
“It better be done by the time I come back from class. Or else.”
He sighed. “Fine. Whatever.”
“I mean it.” She insisted before letting him slam the door.
With the smelly start to her morning, one would assume the rest of her day would be good in comparison. Of course, whoever assumed that was wrong. Because today was a Wednesday. And every Monday and Wednesday, all three of the classes she had involved Pariston Hill, a man so unpleasant her dislike of him rivaled that of her dislike towards Ging.
Pariston’s very presence was so annoying that just having to spend the whole day in a room with him would have been horrible. But she didn’t just have to sit in the same room as him. She also had to participate in class discussions with him where every class without fail “Just to play devil’s advocate for a second” slipped from his lips. And then she found herself defending her opinions against the most convoluted claims Pariston could come up with on the spot. There was no factual basis to them and one glance at the mirth in his eyes told you he didn’t even believe in his claims and was only pretending to to spite her.
And, if all of that wasn’t enough, the man was hellbent on befriending her. Or actually, in his mind, he had already done so. He walked with her to every class, sat next to her in every class, talked to her in every class, and texted her outside of class.
And perhaps, with enough patience and deep breaths she would have been able to stand it. If it weren’t for his constant meddling in her life. He was always spying on her and learned new information about her life sometimes before even she did. Like the time a distant uncle died and before her mom had even called her about it he was texting his opinion on what she should wear to the funeral. Or when he friended everyone from her old high school on Facebook so he could access all the embarrassing pictures from her teenage years and send them to her. Or when he’d found out she had a crush on the girl who sat in front of them and then had tried to set them up.
Needless to say, Pariston and Ging were a scourge on her life that try as she might, she couldn’t escape.
So, when classes ended for the day, she rushed out of the building, excited to be free of Pariston but once outside decided not to head home yet, to delay having to see her annoying roommate.
Instead, she flopped down on the grass, admiring the dandelions that bloomed around her. There were a few white ones and she picked one, twisting the stem in her hands.
Remembering the tales of her childhood about them, she decided to make a wish.
“I have the worst problems.” She fumed. “At school I have my annoying classmate and at home I have to deal with my obnoxious roommate.” She blew on the flower. “I wish there was a way to solve my problems.”
The seeds scattered in the wind, drifting across the green lawn.
Suddenly, she saw a shimmer in the air before her. And then a fairy appeared. It had blond hair, a white dress shirt and tight black pants.
“Ta da! My name is Shaiapouf. I’ve heard your wish and will now grant it.”
“Oh uh, thanks.” She said, slightly taken aback. “What are you going to do?”
He held up a fairy sized violin. “I shall play my magical violin and whichever song it guides me to play will instruct me as to how I can help you.”
“Um okay.”
With a very serious expression, the fairy lifted his violin to his chin. Drawing the bow up in a dramatic flourish, he placed it on the strings. With a dramatic inhale, he began to play.
He bowed furiously at the violin at first, so hard Cheadle thought the tiny instrument would surely break but it didn’t and soon enough he was switching it up for slow, dramatic strokes that utilized the whole bow.
And Cheadle wasn’t at all an expert on music but she assumed this fairy must be very good for every note was clear and blended seamlessly into an elegant song. She found herself transfixed, watching the tiny creature work so hard to produce such lovely music and idly she wondered if he was hypnotizing her.
Eventually, the music stopped, ending in a final, dramatic swipe of the bow. Without thinking about it, Cheadle began to clap.
The fairy seemed to appreciate it greatly, bowing continuously with a big grin on his face until her hands fell quiet.
“That was beautiful.” She praised.
“Thank you, I try.”
“What did it say?”
“Well, it was a love song so the answer is quite obvious to me: romance.”
“Romance?” She wrinkled her nose. No way in hell was she ever dating either of the two men.
“Yes.” He nodded enthusiastically. “It’s the only way.”
“I hate them.” She protested. “I refuse to date them even if that’s what your magical violin said.”
“You refuse to date them?” He laughed and his laugh was so melodic and tinkly she would have been charmed if she didn’t get the sneaking suspicion he was laughing at her.
“What?” She asked, offended.
“I never said you had to date them.” He shook his head. “Humans. So full of themselves.”
Her cheeks burned red with indignation. “You said romance. What was I supposed to think? What do you even mean?”
“I obviously mean they have to date each other.” he squeaked. “It’s the only way.”
“Are you… sure about that?” She really didn’t mean to be rude by questioning him but it didn’t seem like a very good idea. Or, well, one either man would go for. While they both had being annoying in common, she just didn’t think they’d be a good match. Pariston was involved in everything, Ging was lazy. Pariston was a neat freak, Ging was a slob. Pariston was always in her business, Ging was so out of her business he probably wouldn’t even notice if she was murdered.
As if reading her mind, Shaiapouf spoke. “They’ll balance each other out.” He insisted. “Pariston being clean will rub off on Ging. And dating Ging will keep Pariston so busy he won’t have time to meddle in your life.”
She raised her eyebrows. That was actually… really smart. “I never thought of it like that… I guess it might work.”
“Of course it’ll work.”
“But how am I supposed to get them to start dating?”
“Just introduce them. They’ll hit it off and probably start dating immediately.”
“Um… are you sure.” She asked dubiously.
“Of course I’m sure. I’m an expert at love.” He looked affronted at her question.
“Okay…” She sighed. “I mean it can’t get any worse, right”
Yes, she found out, it certainly could. She’d followed Shaiapouf’s instructions, inviting both men to a coffee shop to meet. And just as the fairy had predicted, they hit it off instantaneously. The plan had worked perfectly.
Except it didn’t because it did not solve the problem in the slightest. In fact, it made it worse. So much worse.
Pariston was now in her business 24/7 since she didn’t just see him at school but when she got home he was always there, prying into her life, making snide comments, and eating all of her snacks.
And those two were always having arguments which they claimed were ‘friendly discussions’ but which kept her up at all hours of the night with their shouting. And in the morning the neighbors would giver her dirty looks even though she had nothing to do with it.
Pariston’s neatness hadn’t even rubbed off on Ging. Instead, Pariston was always complaining about her stuff being everywhere or that she didn’t wash a dish as soon as she was done eating, ignoring the fact that his boyfriend's stuff was everywhere and it wasn’t even his apartment.
And, added on top of all that, Shaiapouf was now a permanent fixture in her life. She’d assumed after he’d ‘helped’ her he would leave but that wasn’t the case. He now followed her around everywhere, crying, playing his violin, and making snide comments in her ear about those around her.
Instead of getting rid of two annoying men, she'd gained a third annoying man and made the other two so much worse.