Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s like 101 Dalmatians, is the only thing that flashes through Momo’s head as she falls to the ground. Her hands land hard, palms getting scuffed as they slide along the concrete. The other girl’s knees collide painfully with hers as she goes down as well, their legs landing intertwined thanks to the leash wrapped around them. Momo groans.

Boo, despite the accident he just caused, has not stopped tugging on the leash and it’s making it hard for Momo to get her legs back under her.

“Boo, stop!” she says, but of course the little demon doesn’t listen. “I’m so sorry.”

Those words are directed to the poor girl who was unfortunate enough to get caught in Boo’s warpath when he’d seen her small Pomeranian and decided that he wanted to play. Said dog is now cowering behind its owner as Boo tugs on his leash to try to get closer.

“Boo!” Momo says again, this time reaching out to grab his collar and pull him close until there’s enough slack on the leash for her to pull her legs out. She pulls him into her lap, holding him tight despite his squirming. It seems that he really wants to be friends with this girl’s tiny dog who is very clearly not interested. The other girl pulls her legs away as well, kicking a little to get the leash unraveled and then pulls her dog into her arms, cooing at him. She holds him in one arm and stands awkwardly, doing her best to brush off her pants. When Momo looks up at her, she’s glaring.

“Keep your dog under control!” she snaps. “He’s scaring my baby.”

Momo flinches because it’s true. The Pomeranian the girl is cradling is trembling like a leaf.

“Sorry,” Momo replies.

It really is her fault after all. She knows better than to not pay attention when on a walk with Boo. He’s too excitable. When he sees another dog, he always wants to play. Even if the dog is six times his size he will bark and jump and try to get them excited as well. Normally Momo pays attention, ready to tighten her grip on his leash and pull him close. But she’d just gotten a text from Jihyo asking about their dinner plans and she’d been looking at her phone when Boo had lunged.

The girl just scoffs and shakes her head before walking away.

Momo glares at the dog in her lap.

“Boo! You got me in trouble again!”

He tries to lick her face and Momo just can’t be mad anymore.

“I think we should break up,” Jihyo says out of the blue.

At least it feels out of the blue to Momo who nearly drops the cupcake Jihyo just bought her. Is that normal? To buy a cupcake for someone when you’re about to break up with them? She knows that food always puts Momo in a better mood. Was she trying to soften the blow?

“I… What?”

Jihyo looks at her with an expression that Momo can only describe as guilt. She feels bad, maybe. But Momo notices that Jihyo doesn’t seem particularly sad. Breaking up with someone should be sad, right? At least there are still feelings involved. Momo thought Jihyo still had feelings for her. She’s been told that she’s not great at noticing things, but she thinks she’d have noticed if her girlfriend was losing interest.

“I just think we’re too different,” Jihyo says. “Not compatible.”

Momo doesn’t agree, but what can she say? She likes Jihyo. She enjoys spending time with her a lot. Jihyo makes her laugh and is a good kisser and they never fought. Momo always looked forward to their dates, and Jihyo was the first person she texted in the morning. That should be a good foundation for a relationship, right?

“It’s nothing against you personally,” Jihyo continues when Momo doesn’t say anything. “You’re really sweet. Honestly. You’re nice and you take care of people well and you’re fun to be around. It’s just that long term, I don’t see a future with you.”

Jihyo is rambling. She does that when she’s nervous. She hasn’t done that around Momo since their first date. It’s clear that she feels bad about this. Not bad enough to not do it though. For a second Momo considers fighting a bit, begging, trying to understand better, but she can tell it won’t do any good. Jihyo doesn’t make decisions on the fly. She thinks everything through meticulously. Her voice is sure despite the pity she’s directing at Momo. Momo isn’t going to fight for something that isn’t there.

“Okay,” Momo replies. “I get it.”

It seems to be the wrong answer if the way Jihyo’s face falls is any indication, but Momo really doesn’t know what else to say. Jihyo has clearly made up her mind. Momo doesn’t actually ‘get it’ if she’s being honest but Jihyo is smart. Maybe she’s seeing something Momo doesn’t.

“Just ‘okay’?” Jihyo asks. “You don’t have anything else to say?”

She sounds angry now. Momo doesn’t understand. Shouldn’t she be angry? Momo just shrugs, looking down at her feet. Jihyo scoffs.

“Well, bye then I guess.”

“Bye,” Momo says automatically as Jihyo stalks away.

She looks down at the half-eaten cupcake in her hand. At least she has sugar to drown her feelings.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Chaeyoung says as she pats Momo’s hair.

Momo curls up a little more into Chaeyoung’s lap. She doesn’t think she could get any smaller if she tried, already in fetal position with her knees almost brushing her chin. The ice cream that Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung brought had staved off the sadness for about an hour but it’s back again now. It hurts more than she thought it would. She’s going to miss Jihyo. Has already, in the last twenty-four hours, found five memes that she wanted to send to her and has thought about calling her at least ten times, just because she misses talking. But there’s more to the ache in her chest than just that. She’s starting to think there’s something wrong with her. It’s not just Jihyo. All of her exes had broken up with her in a similar manner, out of the blue when Momo thought they were doing fine. Jihyo was just another in a long line of people who just couldn’t spend more than a few months with her.

“Am I annoying?” Momo asks.

“What? Of course not!” Jeongyeon says firmly from her place by Momo’s feet. “Did she say that?”

“No,” Momo admits.

But she still doesn’t get it. Why had they broken up? ‘No future’, Jihyo had said. Whatever that means.

“Then why do you think that?” Chaeyoung asks carefully.

Momo shrugs.

“She said she didn’t see a future with me,” Momo says. “I just… I thought things were fine. But I guess she got tired of me or something.”

Jeongyeon is shaking her head before Momo has even finished the sentence.

“No, that’s not what that means. It just means that you guys have different goals. Like, in the long run. We’re getting old enough that we have to start worrying about that when we date, I guess. Jihyo probably… Well, you know how ambitious she is. She definitely has a ten-year plan in her head.”

That’s true. Jihyo was finishing up her last year of law school. She had explained to Momo in detail what the next steps for her were. Get a job at one of the top law firms in Seoul, work her way up to partner and make a name for herself. She’d even expressed an interest in delving into politics at some point to fight for women’s rights.

“The world can be so hard for us,” Jihyo had said. “I just want to make it easier for those who are less privileged than I am. Don’t you also feel like you need to do something?”

Momo had nodded and said ‘yes’ because it felt like the right answer but to be honest just the thought of doing everything Jihyo was planning made her tired. She wasn’t ambitious like that. She had one thing she was good at, one thing she wanted to be better at. It was the only thing she’d fought for in her life. Her position on her dance crew was more than enough. She was happy touring with them, competing with them, and the rest - teaching, choreographing, dancing in music videos and tv shows - just helped to pad her bank account and live comfortably. She didn’t need more than that. She didn’t have the energy to solve the world’s problems. Jihyo did though. Jihyo always had so much… vigor. 

“I guess,” Momo says tiredly in response to Jeongyeon.

“How about this,” Chaeyoung says. “You get three days to mope, and we will be here, and we’ll mope with you and then we all move on from her. So what if she wasn’t The One? There are other fish in the sea. And with a banging bod like yours you’ll find someone new in no time.”

Momo rolls her eyes but can’t stop the little giggle that sneaks out of her mouth.

“Yeah, dude,” Jeongyeon says, clearly happy that they’ve at least found a way to make her smile. “You’re sexy as hell. Anyone would be lucky to have you. I’d date you right now if I wasn’t getting married soon.”

“I’m telling Mina you said that,” Momo threatens lightly, but she feels better. She may not have Jihyo anymore but at least she still has the best friends in the world.

There’s too much going on and Momo is about thirty seconds away from screaming and just running out of the house.

She’d been making herself lunch when Boo had gotten into the trash (again… third time this week) and when Momo had glanced over at him after hearing a strange sound, she’d seen him chewing on some sort of plastic wrapping. She had dropped everything in order to try to extricate the very obvious choking hazard from his mouth. Boo, of course, had interpreted this as a new kind of game and now refuses to open his mouth, the plastic lodged firmly between his teeth. The food is burning, the smoke detector is beeping loudly and there’s someone knocking on the door. It’s too much.

For a split second, Momo considers just dropping it all and hiding under her blankets until it magically resolves itself. But she knows better. That’s not how the world works and if she sets her apartment on fire or lets her dog choke there will be serious consequences, ones that she cannot afford.

With a final effort, Momo manages to pry Boo’s teeth apart and get the plastic free and quickly runs to shut off the burner on the stove, moving her ruined chicken off the heat. She opens the window and waves a towel at the smoke detector until it stops screaming at her. She kind of hopes that whoever was knocking at the door has left but just as the thought passes through her head, she hears an even louder, faster knock at the door. 

Momo rushes to answer and finds herself face to face with a surprisingly familiar annoyed expression. The girl on the other side of the door looks just as surprised to see her as Momo is, but her surprise morphs into annoyance again almost immediately.

“Is your house on fire?” she asks.

The question should sound more concerned, Momo thinks, but it’s just angry.

“Uh, no,” Momo replies. “I burned some food, but it’s okay now.”

The girl rolls her eyes.

“Are you incompetent in every part of your life or is it just cooking and training dogs?”

Momo flinches.

“That’s not very nice.”

“Yeah, well, your stupid fire alarm woke me up. I just got off a double shift. I’m exhausted.”

“Oh, um, I’m sorry,” Momo says, looking down in embarrassment.

The girl rolls her eyes again and exhales sharply. Momo feels bad. Jeongyeon, who has very little time for other people’s bullshit, would have told her that this girl is being overly aggressive and rude and that it was just an accident. But Momo hates upsetting people, even by accident. And it’s the second time she has upset this girl specifically. She is a little clumsy sometimes. Maybe that’s annoying to people. Maybe that’s why Jihyo had decided to end it even though things were fine.

“Are you okay?” the girl asks suddenly.

Momo doesn’t understand why she’s asking until she looks up and realized that her vision is a little blurry. She’s crying apparently. It’s the first time she’s cried since the breakup.

“I…” the girl says, expression changing very suddenly and very clearly to guilt. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t… I'm just tired and stressed out. Hey, stop crying please. I didn’t mean to yell.”

Momo sniffles a little. This really is embarrassing. If she was going to have a breakdown about her ex, she really wishes it could have happened when she was alone or even with her friends. In front of a stranger, in particular one who already doesn’t have a great opinion of her, is the worst possible option.

“It’s not your fault,” Momo mumbles. “I just went through a breakup.”

The girl tilts her head in confusion.

“Someone broke up with you?” she asks, surprise coloring her tone.

She sounds genuinely shocked by Momo’s confession as if the idea that someone would break up with her was preposterous.

“Yeah,” Momo says.

“Well, whoever he is, he’s an idiot,” the girl says firmly.

She seems so sure of this for some reason. As if they know anything about each other. Momo, already overwhelmed, is having trouble keeping track of this girl who had been insulting her no less than five minutes ago.

“She,” Momo corrects. “And she’s not an idiot. She’s really smart actually. She’s in law school.”

“Meh,” Nayeon says, waving her hand like she’s trying to brush away a fly. “Just because you can read a book and understand it doesn’t make you smart. If this girl let go of someone as beautiful as you, then she’s clearly stupid.”

Momo can’t stop the blush that rises to her cheeks at the unexpected compliment. People compliment her looks all the time. Her best friends, Jihyo, the people in her dance crew, even the occasional stranger. But her looks are something she only grew into recently, her younger years marked by too-chubby cheeks and acne-filled skin. Jeongyeon, who had known her through all of it, likes to use the words glow-up.

“I… well. Um,” Momo isn’t good with compliments or talking to strangers. “I’m sorry I woke you up. I didn’t mean to bug you.”

“It’s fine,” the girl says, easily brushing away the whole issue as if she hadn’t just shouted at Momo in the hallway. “Sorry I was crabby. And sorry about your idiot ex. My name is Nayeon, by the way. I just moved in. Guess we’re neighbors.”

“I’m Momo. It’s nice to meet you.”

There’s a beat where neither of them says anything and Momo really, really wants out of this social situation as quickly as possible. She’s scrambling for something to say that won’t sound rude and give this girl another reason to be annoyed at her. Nayeon beats her to it.

“Well, it was nice to meet you, neighbor. I’m going to go back to sleep. I’ll let you go back to cooking. Try not to set anything else on fire.”

Momo ducks her head and laughs awkwardly before allowing the door to swing closed.

“We can’t put the music on too loud,” Momo says, lunging for the speaker’s remote to change the volume.

“Huh? Since when?” Sana asks.

It’s a fair question. They’ve used Momo’s relatively spacious living room for dance practices for as long as Momo has lived there, and Momo has never once commented on the volume. If it ever bothered the people who used to live next door they never complained.

“I have a new neighbor,” Momo says. “I woke her up with my smoke alarm the other day and she came by to complain.”

“Wow, Karen much?” Sana asks, falling back onto the couch. Momo can tell that their dance practice is going to get pushed aside for this conversation. Sana’s eyes are shining with curiosity. 

“She’s not old enough to be a Karen,” Momo replies.

“Anyone is old enough to be a Karen. It’s not an age thing, it’s a state of mind. How old is she?”

Momo shrugs.

“Around our age, I guess.”

“Is she pretty?”

Of course that’s the first thing Sana asks. Momo thinks back to their two encounters. She’d been a little busy during both of them being ashamed and apologetic but if she thinks about it now, yeah, Nayeon was pretty. Very pretty actually, with clear skin, full lips, and bright eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Hmmm, you should introduce me,” Sana says.

“Huh? No! I barely know her. How can I intro-“

“Now’s your chance to get to know her! Your last neighbors were like a hundred years old, but now you have someone you could be friends with! Remember how sad you were when Jeongyeon moved out? You’re always complaining that your friends are too far. Solution: Make friends who live close by. Like your pretty, uptight neighbor.”

That’s a very extroverted point of view. Standard for Sana, but absolutely crazy for Momo. As if she could just… knock on someone’s door and talk to them. She shudders even thinking of it.

“Yeah, right,” is all she says.

“Why nottt?” Sana whines.

Momo sighs. It seems that she accidentally got her friend excited about something. An excited Sana is a dangerous Sana. She has a sinking feeling that this afternoon is absolutely going to end with her knocking on Nayeon’s door one way or another.

“Because, she’s a stranger. You don’t go and knock on stranger’s doors,” Momo says.

“Do you know her name?”

“Well, yes,” Momo says, “But-“

“And you’ve had a conversation.”

“Yes, but that’s not-“

“So, you’re not strangers anymore!” Sana says, as if that’s a completely logical thing to say. “Here, come on, I have an idea. Let’s go.”

Sana stands and grabs Momo by the wrist.

“Huh? What?”

“Shhh,” Sana says. “Just trust me.”

Momo wants to say that she trusts Sana, but she’s seen that glittering look in her eyes before. And sure, maybe that mischievous grin is the reason Jeongyeon and Mina are all but married now. But it’s also the reason Momo had to buy a new armchair last year, and the reason she’s not allowed to drive Mina’s car anymore. Still, she’s never been good at putting up a fight against her friends, so she lets herself get dragged to the door.

“Which side neighbor is she?” Sana asks, once she’s dragged a very reluctant Momo out into the hallway.

“Uhhh, I don’t know?”

“Ugh, you really are useless, y’know?”

Momo looks at Sana helplessly.

“Oh, well. Guess, I’ll just have to knock on both of them,” Sana says with a shrug.

“What? No!” Momo says, grabbing Sana by the waist and doing her best to hold her in place.

It does nothing to deter Sana, who just reaches out to the door to left of Momo’s which happens to be closer, dragging Momo along with her as best as she can. Momo releases her as soon as she knocks and considers just running back into her apartment and letting Sana deal with the mess that she’s gotten herself into but before she can the door swings open. It’s not Nayeon.

Instead, it’s an older woman that Momo remembers seeing around the building on occasion. She flushes up to her ears as she tries to think of an explanation of why they’re standing in front of her door. Sana, of course, isn’t bothered at all.

“Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I think I got the wrong door. I’m looking for my friend. Nayeon?”

“Oh, no,” the older woman says in good humor. “No, Nayeon here. I think you got the wrong number.”

Sana chuckles lightly and nods.

“My mistake. I apologize for disturbing your day,” she says with that winning smile of hers.

“Oh, no problem, sweetheart. I hope you find your friend.”

“Thank you!”

With that, the door is swung shut and Momo buries her face into her hands, trying to fight off the embarrassment. Sana, on the other hand, is completely unperturbed.

“Okay, let’s try the other side then,” Sana says.

“No! Sana, that’s enough.”

Momo lunges, trying to grab Sana’s wrist to stop her but Sana is a little too quick and before Momo can do anything, she’s already down the hall at the other door. She knocks. Momo tries to drag her away before the door opens, but she’s unsuccessful and when it opens, Nayeon finds her with her arms wrapped around Sana’s waist like she’s tackling her.

Nayeon’s eyebrows shoot almost up to her hairline and Momo freezes.

“Oh, wow,” Sana says. “You’re even prettier than Momo said.”

Momo flushes deeply and stumbles a few steps back. She wants to smack Sana. Maybe hard enough to re-set her back to being a normal human.

“Hi, I’m Sana,” Sana says, extending her hand now that she’s been released from Momo’s grip.

“Hi?” Nayeon says, clearly confused but shaking her hand nonetheless. “I’m Nayeon.”

“Nice to meet you!” Sana says. “We’re here because Momo wants your number.”

Nayeon frowns at Momo, who is very, very much trying to sink through the ground into the basement and then maybe the center of the earth and never reappear.

“Didn’t you just get out of a relationship?”

Momo has no words. She’s still actively fighting the urge to flee the country and isn’t really following along with whatever Sana’s insane plan for her to be friends with her neighbor is. She ends up just gaping at Nayeon.

“Oh, not for that,” Sana says, stepping in to Momo’s rescue, waving her hands as if to wipe away the idea. “Though, if you’re available I would-“

That wakes Momo up enough for her to elbow her in the ribs. Sana flinches but goes immediately back to smiling.

“No, it’s just that sometimes we play music in the apartment when we’re practicing, and she was worried about bothering you. If she had your number, she could text you when we’re going to practice, or you could just text if she’s being too loud.”

It’s… it’s not a bad excuse. Sana has certainly come up with worse. Still, Nayeon is looking at Sana as if she’s an insane person. But then she’s turning and looking at Momo, eyebrows raised as if asking for confirmation. Momo nods despite herself. At this point, she’s just in survival mode. Current goal: Get out of this situation with as few casualties to her psyche as possible.

“Okay, here,” Nayeon says, reaching into her back pocket to grab her phone and hold it out to Momo. “Add your number and I’ll text you if you’re being too loud.”

Momo grabs the phone slowly, in disbelief that this is actually happening and types in her name and number while Sana chatters with Nayeon next to her.

“Thank you so much,” Sana says. “Momo may look like that,” (like what? Momo wonders), “But she’s actually super shy. Like a baby raccoon.”

Nayeon just nods along, but she smiles at Momo when she hands back the phone. She graciously (very graciously considering Sana had definitely disturbed her afternoon) bids them goodbye. Momo stands staring at her door wondering what the hell just happened.

“Well, she seems nice,” Sana says.

Momo smacks her on the back of the head and stalks past her back to the apartment.

“Are you mad, Momoring?” she whines.

Momo gives her the silent treatment for the rest of the afternoon. The dance practice never happens.

Momo has gotten used to the fact that there are a lot of things she’s not good at. That said, she can’t help but get frustrated with herself every other week when she inevitably ends up needing to walk back down the laundry room because she’s missing some article of clothing. She forgets every time that sometimes a shirt will cling to the side of the washer when it’s wet and she needs to learn to check the dryer more thoroughly. She’s missing her favorite dress shirt and at least two socks. The trip down to the building’s laundry room always feels like a walk of shame.

Except when she gets back down, the machine she had been using is already in use by someone else, her clothes presumably still inside. She kneels in front of the spinning door, watching the contents go round and round and sighs. There’s still another fifteen minutes left on the timer. She wonders if it’s worth it to go back upstairs and wait or if it’s even worth getting her clothes back at all at this point. But that shirt really is her favorite and her tally of matching socks has gotten down to an embarrassingly low number. She leans her head against the washing machine and closes her eyes.

Things have been harder than usual recently. The breakup with Jihyo was only the tip of the iceberg. The dance crew is prepping for a competition, and she has a music video shoot tomorrow for a very famous idol group for which rehearsals have been long. The girls in the group are sweet and it’ll be a good move for her career, but Momo is feeling a lot of pressure to get it perfect. Can she? Is she capable of doing anything perfectly if she can’t even do laundry properly?

“Ummm, can I help you?”

Momo hears a now familiar voice behind her. She turns her head, forehead still resting against the machine to look up at Nayeon who is staring at her as if she’s crazy. Maybe she is.

“I left a shirt in there,” Momo says, pointing through the little porthole of the washing machine.

Nayeon blinks and then shakes her head, a laugh building on her lips.

“So, you can’t train a dog, can’t cook, and also can’t do laundry,” she says, but there’s none of the scorn from the last time she had said similar words. Instead, she just sounds amused.

“I guess,” Momo says with a sigh.

Nayeon is right. She didn’t say it rudely. She probably didn’t even mean it. But really? Is dance the only thing Momo can do well? Is that… is that enough? Most people don’t seem to struggle to get through the day this much.

“Hey,” Nayeon says, kneeling down next to Momo and looking through the porthole with her as the laundry’s spin start to slow. “You know I’m just kidding, right? I’m sure there’s plenty you’re good at.”

“Dance,” Momo says. “I’m good at dance. I’m… I’m not sure I’m good at anything else.”

“Dance?” Nayeon asks. “Oh, right. You guys practice in your apartment sometimes. I hear the music. And the stepping.”

“Oh, sorry,” Momo says. “If we’re bothering you can text and we’ll-“

“I know,” Nayeon says gently, placing her hand on Momo’s arm to steady her. “If you had bothered me, I would have texted. I don’t mind it as long as my shifts aren’t too crazy.”

The laundry finally comes fully to a stop, the door clicking loudly as it unlocks. Nayeon stands and holds her hand out to help Momo to her feet before pulling her clothes out and carefully transferring them to the dryer. Unlike Momo, she checks the washing machine carefully for any remaining garments before starting the dryer. Momo realizes belatedly that her clothes are still in that load. But she supposes she’d rather have dry clothes than wet ones. She’ll just have to remember to ask Nayeon for them later.

“What do you do?” Momo asks, once Nayeon has closed the door to the dryer.

Nayeon hops up to sit on top the dryer and after a moment’s hesitation, Momo hops on to the one next to hers.

“I’m a nurse,” Nayeon says. “The hours are kind of terrible, but I like the personal touch of the work. And I’m good at it.”

“That’s admirable,” Momo says. “Helping people.”

Nayeon nods.

“Yeah, that part is nice. Though sometimes I think… working as a nurse or doctor is the quickest way to realize that some people… some people can’t be helped. Or don’t want to be. Or maybe… don’t deserve it. It’s not quite right to say that, is it? Because everyone deserves help. But there are some really shitty, shitty people out there. You know? The kind of that curse us out even as we’re saving their lives.”

Momo listens to Nayeon carefully. She notices that Nayeon seems to have darker bags under her eyes than the last time Momo saw her and she’s slumping a little.

“Did you just come from a shift?” Momo asks, doing her best to deduce why Nayeon looks so stressed.

“Yeah,” Nayeon replies. “An overnight. I took a quick nap but I really need to do laundry so…”

Momo looks at her watch and sees that it is barely just noon. She flinches in compassion. She’s had to pull some pretty crazy hours for music video shoots before. She already knows her schedule for the one this week and had grimaced when she’d read it the day before. 4pm call for hair and make-up and then starting filming around six in the evening. Likely they wouldn’t be done until well past three in the morning. But, at least she’s not one of the idols who will have to be there both before and after the dance crew has arrived. Still, she can sympathize with Nayeon a little. 

“Long nights are hard,” is all she says in response. “Were the patients difficult?”

It’s not like Momo to hold a conversation like this. Normally, she ends up letting it die in order to not have to talk more. But something about the way Nayeon is picking at her nails right now is pushing her to continue talking.

“Mostly just one, but he was a nightmare the whole night. He’s in pain,” she says, “I get it. It’s hard when it hurts but anytime something wasn’t in perfect condition, he’d be cursing us out. At one point he threatened to beat us up. And if his hip hadn’t been broken, he probably would have. He definitely tried and we had to restrain him. And you know what the stupid part is? We were restraining him for his sake, not ours. We could have let him be an asshole and get up and try to kick our asses and let him re-fracture his hip in the process. But for his sake, we had to put ourselves in the way of his fists and risk catching a stray swing so that he wouldn’t hurt himself further. There’s just days like this where I wonder…”

“Wonder what?” Momo asks, leaning closer to Nayeon.

“If it’s worth it. If what I’m doing even matters. I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” Momo says.

She isn’t sure what else to say. This problem is well past what Momo is equipped to give advice on. But Nayeon takes her sentiment with a small smile.

“You said you’re good at dance,” she says, thankfully shifting her focus before Momo needs to think of something to say. “Is that what you do for work?”

Momo nods slowly.

“Yeah,” she says. “I have… I have a music video shoot tomorrow. As a backup dancer.”

Nayeon’s eyes light up.

“Really? You should show me when it comes out. I want to see you dance!”

“Okay,” Momo says.

“So is that what you do? You dance in music videos?”

It’s not quite that simple, Momo explains. When she was younger, the only thing she was good at, the only thing she really had a passion for, was dance. So she did everything she could to make dance her entire life, managed to find ways to use it to fill every pocket of her life she could and get enough money to survive. It wasn’t easy to make it as a dancer. It required networking, showing off whenever possible, so that she could build connections. Because that’s how the entertainment industry ran. The word nepotism wasn’t quite right, but you had to know someone and in order to know someone you had to make a name for yourself.

Nowadays, Momo continues, as Nayeon listens attentively, she and her crew have made enough of a name for themselves that she no longer feels like she’s fighting for scraps among the lower tier dance crews. Things have been smooth for the last year and half. But the beginning of her career had been hard. It had been long periods of eating cup noodles for dinners and wearing clothes that threatened to fall apart without being able to afford new ones. Even a short period of homelessness where she had slept on Chaeyoung’s couch for three months.

“It sounds like you worked hard,” Nayeon comments, her tone solemn.

“Yeah. It was worth it. I’m happiest when I get to dance.”

Nayeon doesn’t respond and just looks at Momo, her chin propped on her hand. She’s wearing a strange expression that makes Momo want to squirm.

“What?”

“I’m just trying to figure out why that girl decided to break up with you,” Nayeon says. “It doesn’t really make sense.”

Momo laughs a bitter, scathing laugh. Nayeon doesn’t know her. Not really. If she did… well, she’d probably find something to dislike. Just like Jihyo had.

“Hey, sorry,” Nayeon says. “I didn’t mean to bring up something bad. I just… you seem really great. I’ve been thinking about it since then. I thought maybe there was something I couldn’t see after just one meeting. Because you’re drop dead gorgeous, and you’re passionate, and hard-working. And you seem kind and thoughtful, and I guess, I’ve just been looking for something this whole time to dislike about you. And there’s nothing. Really.”

“You don’t know me, Nayeon,” Momo says, not unkindly. Just stating a fact.

Nayeon shrugs.

“Maybe not entirely. But I know some stuff. Enough.”

Momo looks at her skeptically.

“From what I know,” Nayeon says. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Even though I can’t walk a dog or cook or do laundry?”

Nayeon looks at her gently and smiles.

“Those things don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Those are just… chores. What matters is who you are, what you care about,” she says.

Momo bites her lower lip but doesn’t respond. She doesn’t know how to. Instead, she hops off the dryer, noticing that it had stopped shaking and sees that the clothes are dry.

“I can help you fold if you want,” she says. “So that I can find my shirt. And socks.”

“It’s okay I can-“ Nayeon cuts herself off and then nods. “Actually, sure. I’d like that.”

Two days of shooting for the music video leave Momo exhausted, and she sleeps through her entire Wednesday, pawning off her kiddie dance class to Sana. Sana is better with the kids anyway. Momo can never quite match their energy though Sana says that she’s the only one who can match their silliness. Momo tries to take it as a compliment.

After that, it’s into full competition practice mode. It’s the first time they’ve been invited to this particular competition and it’s an honor. Most of the other groups are far, far more established than they are. They’re definitely the underdogs going in, the cute hoobaes who will hopefully put up a good performance, but no one expects them to win.

Honestly, Momo doesn’t really expect to win either. Some of her role models are going to be in this competition, people that she strives to be like, who have inspired her from the beginning. Her only real goal is not to embarrass herself.

The crew’s leader has different opinions. He wants to win. Has decided that it would be his crowning achievement and something that would propel them into the limelight as the best crew out there. In some ways he’s right, but Momo thinks he’s reaching for the stars. Sana complains about him non-stop while Mina is too tired to do anything other than go straight home after practices and Momo’s nerves increase every time he makes them do another run-through. Most nights she barely makes it out of the shower before passing out. Some mornings, she sleeps through her first three alarms.

One morning, she sleeps through all her alarms, apparently having gotten so used to the sound that it just plays as background music to her dreams rather than doing its job of waking her. Instead, she’s woken by her phone ringing. It’s just enough to pull her out of sleep. She reaches over and without really paying attention answers the call.

“Hello?”

“Finally!”

Nayeon sounds a little frustrated but more than anything she sounds relieved.

“Huh?”

“Your alarm was driving me crazy,” Nayeon says. “It’s been going off non-stop for the last half hour. Did you know our bedrooms share a wall?”

Momo is far, far too tired to process anything. Her body is aching terribly from the hours of rehearsal that Hoseok had put them through the day before and her head is pounding from just sheer exhaustion.

“Sorry,” she mumbles instinctively.

“It’s fine,” Nayeon says dismissively. “Are you okay?”

“Mmm,” Momo mumbles, eyes drifting closed. “Just tired.”

“Hey,” Nayeon says sharply. “Don’t fall back asleep. Those alarms must have been for something, right?”

They probably were. Momo tries to force her brain to remember even in its hazy, exhausted state.

“What time is it?” she asks.

“8:30,” Nayeon says, and Momo takes in the information slowly, processing bit by bit, piecing it into what she knows about her own life before it all comes together, and she shoots up in bed.

“Fuck!”

“Are you okay?” Nayeon asks.

“I have to go,” Momo says. “I’m going to be late to rehearsal.”

“Go get ‘em, champ!” Nayeon says, with a laugh before hanging up.

Momo tosses her phone down and brushes her teeth quickly, pulling her hair up into the messiest ponytail she’s ever seen and throwing on whatever clothes she finds. Her body screams in protest with every move and she reminds herself to stop by the pharmacy on the way home to buy some icy-hot patches. She rushes out the door and nearly trips down the stairs as she runs to her car.

She makes it to practice only barely on time, getting curious looks from Mina and Sana who are in the middle of stretching and a glare from Hoseok who is about ten times less forgiving than he normally would be with the competition only a few days away.

“Sleep in late?” Mina asks, her voice full of sympathy.

She also looks exhausted, wincing every time she stretches and even Sana’s boundless supply of energy seems to have been drained.

“Yeah,” Momo says, dropping her bag and pulling off her hoodie to join them in stretches. “I slept through all my alarms. I only woke up because Nayeon called me.”

That manages to perk Sana up, of course.

“Oooohhh,” she says, eyebrows waggling.

“Who is Nayeon?” Mina asks.

“Momo’s hot new neighbor.”

Sana’s grin is wide and teasing and Momo can only roll her eyes in response.

“Yeah, who I only ever seem to annoy. She called me because my alarm was going off for half an hour and she could hear it through the walls.”

“Your apartment needs better sound proofing,” Sana grumbles. “And your neighbor needs to chill.”

“She wasn’t mad,” Momo feels the need to defend, “She just wanted to make sure I woke up, I think. She was nice when we spoke.”

Sana shoots Momo another teasing grin but before she can say anything, Hoseok calls them all to start rehearsals and then they’re too busy to worry about Nayeon or anything other than getting the moves perfect. It’s their last full day of practice so that they have time to rest before the actual competition and the pressure is high. But Momo watches them through the mirror with satisfaction as she sees them really start to synchronize. Their lines are cleaner and their moves are sharper. By the time they’re done for the day, she feels good, proud. They’ll be ready when the competition comes. They might not win, but they will give the best show they’re capable of and that is more than enough for Momo.

Before going home she eats with Sana and Mina, grabbing some ramen from the convenience store by the studio and eating it on the bench outside. They barely speak, even Sana too exhausted to hold a conversation. When Momo gets home, she showers immediately to rinse the dried sweat off her skin and then she curls up in bed. She can sleep in tomorrow for the first time in a week and she’s so excited about not having to set her alarm.

The thought reminds her of the phone call she got from Nayeon earlier and before falling asleep she sends a text.

Thank you for waking me up this morning. I would have been late if not for you. Sorry about the alarm.

She gets a text back immediately.

No worries! I hope practice went well.

It’s her first day off in a while, which means it’s errand day. Momo starts with her laundry because that’s the lowest energy task she needs to complete. She also needs to go grocery shopping, her kitchen currently only containing dubiously good milk, a quarter filled carton of eggs and three packs of instant ramen. And she needs to clean her apartment. Her exhaustion after practices had meant that she was a little haphazard with things when she got home. Dishes from dinner were piling in the sink, she had left clothes lying everywhere, and her shoes lay in a jumbled mess by the door.

She moves slowly. There’s no rush and honestly, her body is still aching. She puts on some music to keep herself entertained and starts to clean. If she cleans while her laundry is running then she’ll be done with her chores earlier and maybe she’ll be able to watch some of her TV show. She’s finished the dishes and is midway through mopping her kitchen when she hears a knock on the door.

It’s Nayeon, and Momo’s first instinct is to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” she says, reaching for her phone to turn down her music. “I’ll turn it down.”

“Huh?” Nayeon says and then she reaches out to stop Momo. “No, it’s fine. It wasn’t bothering me. That isn’t why I came by.”

“Oh?”

Momo looks at Nayeon properly and only then notices that the other woman is holding something in her hand. A plate, covered in aluminum foil.

“I made cookies,” she says. “Too many. I thought you might want to share?”

“Oh! Sure! I’m in the middle of cleaning right now, but you can come in if you’d like.”

Nayeon shrugs and pushes past Momo to go into the apartment.

“I don’t mind. Do you want help finishing up?”

“No, of course not. You’re a guest. I can finish after we’ve had the cookies.”

“No way. I’m the one who came barging in with no warning,” Nayeon says, following Momo into the kitchen. “Just finish up. I’ll keep you company. We can have the cookies when you’re done.”

Momo regards her curiously but the next thing she knows, Nayeon is hopping up on the kitchen counter and putting the cookies down by her side. She seems completely unbothered so Momo figures that maybe it’ll be okay if she at least finishes up the kitchen while Nayeon watches.

“Where is the little demon of yours by the way?” Nayeon asks, as Momo goes back to mopping. “I expected him to bull rush me as soon as I came in.”

“He’s at my sister’s,” Momo says. “I never have enough time for him in the week leading up to competitions. The schedule is too tight. So I drop him off with her. She loves him almost as much as I do so it’s a win-win.”

“A competition? Is that why you’ve been sleeping through your alarms?”

Momo chuckles nervously. She feels bad still that she had disturbed Nayeon.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. It’s just really long rehearsal hours. I always feel so tired afterwards.”

“Don’t apologize,” Nayeon says. “When’s the competition?”

“On Saturday. In the evening. We get today off completely to recover and then we’ll have a sort of half day rehearsal tomorrow. Just to review and make sure formation are good. And then we’ll have a dress rehearsal the afternoon of the competition.”

Nayeon hums thoughtfully as she watches Momo work. She’s almost done mopping the kitchen, admittedly doing less than her best as she rushes so that Nayeon doesn’t have to hang around as long.

“Is this competition something the general public can watch?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. It’s open to anyone. You just need to get tickets.”

Momo focuses on squeezing the water out of the mop and going to dump the dirty water.

“What’s the name of the competition?” Nayeon asks.

“Oh, um, Seoul Rhythmic Revolution,” she answers absent-mindedly.

She leaves the kitchen to put the mop and bucket away in her supply closet. When she comes back, Nayeon is absorbed in her phone. Momo goes to the fridge to grab the milk to go along with the cookies, giving it a quick sniff to make sure it’s still good.

“Okay, cool,” Nayeon says, clearly speaking mostly to herself. “I just got tickets.”

“Huh? To what?”

Nayeon grins at Momo.

“For your competition obviously. I gotta see whether hearing your alarm go off over and over was worth it.”

Momo’s jaw drops and her eyes widen. What the fuck?

“You’re coming to watch the competition?”

Nayeon looks surprised at Momo’s surprise, though Momo thinks it’s completely justified. They barely know each other. They’ve had three conversations before today and only one was particularly pleasant. Supporting her at one of the most important events of her career so far seems like a step above their level of acquaintanceship. Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon will obviously be there but even Momo’s sister isn’t going (she claims that it’s because she’s already seen Momo dance enough to last a lifetime).

“Yeah, it sounds like fun,” Nayeon says, but then her expression changes slightly. “Unless that’s not okay?”

“I mean, it’s okay,” Momo says. “You can go if you want.”

Momo doesn’t have a right to tell Nayeon not to come. But she’s still a little unsure as to why Nayeon wants to go at all.

“But do you want me to come?”

Momo regards Nayeon closely. She’s looking at Momo with an expression Momo can’t quite read but there’s something heavy in it. Momo feels like there’s a correct answer to this question but for the life of her she can’t quite figure out what it would be. Honestly, Momo hadn’t considered Nayeon being there one way or another. In her mind, they weren’t that close. She didn’t think Nayeon would be interested in spending her Saturday night watching a competition that really only people deeply invested in hip hop dance would attend. So to say that she wants Nayeon to come wouldn’t be quite right. Except that now that the idea has been planted in her head, she thinks that she might be a little disappointed if Nayeon didn’t show.

“Yeah,” Momo says. “It would be nice to have the support.”

The smile that Nayeon gives her is blinding, and Momo nearly drops the glass of milk she’s holding when Nayeon hops off the counter and takes a step close to her.

“Cool,” Nayeon says, eyes not leaving Momo’s face. “Let’s eat these cookies.”

The cookies are amazing and Momo gulps three down without taking a breath. Nayeon tells Momo that they are her best friend’s favorite recipe and that she’ll share it with her since she seems to enjoy it so much. They pair well with the milk and Momo admittedly ends up eating more than she should but it’s too easy to reach for another and another while talking casually about the upcoming competition. Nayeon asks Momo a hundred questions. What is the format? Who else will be there? Who does Momo think will win? Momo ends up showing her a couple of videos from Dynamic Flow, the favorite going in.

Nayeon watches with interest as Momo points out the members she knows the best. The ones she worries about the most. But also the ones she admires the most. Their center, Hyuna was the one who had made her believe in dance as a career back when she’d watched her performing with 4Minute, her dance crew back around the time Momo was in high school. Hyuna had been so young back then, but a prodigy in every way. Momo wanted to be like her so badly.

“They’re good,” Nayeon admits. “Do you think you can beat them?”

“No,” Momo says. “We’re pretty new on the scene and Dynamic Flow has been unbeatable the last few years. Only Just Jerk has been able to threaten them at all. But it’s okay. We’re not trying to win really. We just want to put on a good show.”

Nayeon nods and watches a few more seconds of the video before turning away from Momo’s phone to look her in the eye seriously.

“I think you’ll do better than you think you will,” she says.

“You’ve never seen me dance,” Momo points out.

“I know, but I've noticed you have the habit of downplaying yourself. So whatever level you put yourself on in your head, I like to imagine that you’re at least a couple of steps above that.”

Momo blinks. Nayeon is pretty bold, Momo has come to realize as they spend time together. She has no qualms about looking Momo in the eye and telling her what she thinks. Momo isn’t quite sure what to do about it, and also isn’t sure what to think about the fact that Nayeon is speaking about her as if she has known her for years.

“You don’t know me,” Momo says, repeating her sentiment from the time they did laundry together.

Nayeon regards her carefully, tilting her head to the side a little. She leans in a little closer and Momo feels something in the air shift.

“I know you better than you think,” Nayeon says. “You’re very… apparent.”

Momo isn’t sure how to respond to that and Nayeon’s words hang in the air between them tenuously. Nayeon is still looking at Momo with clear focus, as if she’s trying to convey something. But Momo can’t understand what it is. She parts her lips to ask and Nayeon leans closer, as if to catch the words before they’re said. But then the air is split by the ringing of the alarm on Momo’s phone.

She fumbles with it, trying to shut it off as Nayeon draws back.

“You need to change the sound for your alarm,” Nayeon says dryly, a playful smirk dancing across her lips. “I’m having flashbacks.”

“Sorry,” Momo says. “My laundry is done. I need to move it to the dryer.”

“Okay,” Nayeon says. “I’ll wait for you here.”

Momo is a little surprised. The cookies are gone. Their reason for hanging out is ostensibly gone and yet Nayeon seems to be making no moves to leave. What surprises Momo a little bit more is that she isn’t really itching to have Nayeon out of her space either. Talking to Nayeon is nice. Comfortable. And Momo is starting to get used to Nayeon’s teasing.

She quickly switches her wash to the dryer, setting a new timer on her phone and rushes back up to her apartment. She finds Nayeon where she left her scrolling through her phone.

“I forgot to ask whether you had plans today,” Nayeon says when Momo returns. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“It’s just an errand day. Cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping and stuff. Nothing crazy. I can do it after you leave.” she says.

Nayeon bites her lip for a second and then smiles.

“Or I could help?”

Momo really isn’t sure what to make of Nayeon.

Momo wonders if she’ll still be able to dance well if she throws up? Or would she dance better without all this acid swirling around in her stomach? She’s not sure. When she looks at Mina for advice, the other girl looks just as queasy, so she doesn’t bother asking. Sana is doing her best to keep spirits high but the whole crew is stressed. Hoseok, in particular, seems to be entirely unsure of what to do with himself.

They’ve got five minutes before the show starts. A half hour before their performance. The waiting is the worst bit. Doing their hair and make-up had been annoying but fine, the dress rehearsal had gone well, but now they just get to sit in the waiting room. They’ll watch the performers that go before them, giving them plenty of time to stress about who is better or worse and to freak themselves out about their own performance. It’s torture.

Momo refuses to watch. She slips on her hoodie, purposefully too big so that she doesn’t mess up her hair or outfit, puts her noise-canceling headphones on and pulls out her phone. Puppy videos are a good way to go, she thinks. Cute dogs, living their lives, no reason to be stressed about anything. She wishes she could be a dog sometimes.

Before she’s even pulled up the video, a notification appears on her phone.

Good luck! 

Nayeon’s promise to attend the show had honestly slipped her mind as the stress of the show mounted. But the good luck text and the promise of Nayeon in the audience makes Momo buzz with a different kind of nerves. She’s unsure of what to do with the feeling. She’s glad to have her support, appreciates that her neighbor is making an effort, but that’s also one more person to disappoint.

Momo shoots back a ‘thank you’ followed by an ‘I hope you enjoy the show’ when she worries that she came off too blunt. Then she shuts off her phone and closes her eyes, forgoing the puppy videos in exchange for some breathing exercises. She doesn’t sleep but she wills her mind to go silent, to release everything she’s feeling into the air and just relax enough that she won’t be carrying tension with her on stage.

Before she knows it, Sana is poking her arm to get her to move. They’re up next.

It’s always like this before they go on stage. Any nerves get both amplified and drowned out by excitement. There's the pressure to do well but also, at the end of the day, they’re dancers, performers, and just getting to be on stage is the dream. The tension sparks up and Momo starts to see the light come into her crew’s eyes. They were born to do this. They worked hard for this. They’re going to put on a hell of a show.

And they do, or at least it feels like they do. Momo feels like she’s on fire. She forgets everything except the dance and her team. She feels herself moving like water and they move around her just as smoothly, flowing together. When the routine ends, Momo is panting but she can’t feel the ache of her legs or the burning of her lungs through the race of adrenaline.

It’s only now that she lets herself notice the audience and they are roaring. They’re cheering for her and for them and it feels so good. This is what she was made to do, this is what all the pain was for, this is everything. They bow and thank the audience and then Momo grabs her friends by the shoulders and hugs them until her shoulders hurt. They hug back just as tight.

Sana is a nightmare the rest of the show, chattering on and on into Momo’s ear about how good it felt to perform and how the crowd was cheering, and Momo is just trying to bask in their success. They won’t win. Momo knows it after seeing Dynamic Flow perform but it doesn’t matter. She did her best.

She’s right. They don’t win. But they get third, a placement that gets a trophy and a small cash prize that will be used to fund their future competition outfits and travel. It’s better than they were slated to do. Better than Momo had even dreamed of hoping for. She looks at the fourth and fifth place crews and is awed because a year ago beating them would have been unthinkable. But they did it!

Hoseok is unhappy about the third-place finish, but he begrudgingly gives them a smile and his congratulations speech in the waiting room is impassioned and fiery.

“We’ll get ‘em next time! They won’t know what hit them.”

As soon as they’re released, they go to find the people who had come to support them. Mina, normally very reserved, but very clearly hopped up on happiness and adrenaline, throws herself into Jeongyeon’s arms and her fiancée doesn’t hesitate to kiss her firmly on the mouth. Momo rolls her eyes and looks away, giving Chaeyoung a one-armed hug. Sana complains loudly about the PDA but only because she wants to be included and she manages to make Jeongyeon let Mina go, just so that she can get a congratulatory hug as well.

“You guys were amazing out there,” Jeongyeon praises and Chaeyoung is quick to agree.

“Best performance of yours I’ve seen so far. Too bad about the third-place finish, though. I think you guys were good enough for first.”

Momo chuckles though she disagrees. Chaeyoung doesn’t know much about dance, but she makes up for it by always being their biggest fan.

“So what’s the plan now?” Jeongyeon asks. “Is there an after party? Can we come?”

The answer to those questions is ‘yes’. The crew will be going to a bar down the road, a rowdy and fun one where they can dance and drink off their remaining energy. And friends are always invited. The more the merrier. But before Momo can say those things, Sana is letting out an exaggerated gasp and clapping a hand down on Momo's shoulder hard enough that her knees buckle.

“What?” Momo asks.

“Isn’t that your hot neighbor?” Sana asks, pointing through the crowd.

Nayeon is standing, seeming a little unsure of herself, gaze dancing through the throngs of people.

She’s looking for me, Momo thinks.

“Yeah,” Momo says. “Let me just…”

She slips out of Sana’s grip and makes her way over to Nayeon. She can pin-point the minute Nayeon catches sight of her because she breaks out into a brilliant smile, all gums and bunny teeth and Momo feels something in her chest stutter. Leftover adrenaline maybe.

“Hi,” Momo says.

“Hey,” Nayeon replies. “You looked so freaking good out there. I can’t… I mean, you’re a dancer, you told me you were a dancer but Momo, you’re so good it’s insane.”

Momo chuckles nervously, rubbing her forearm. She wonders if she’ll ever be able to take a compliment properly. She just changes the subject.

“Thank you for coming,” she says. “I hope you enjoyed the show.”

“Of course I did!” Nayeon says. “I got to see you dance. That’s all I needed.”

Momo blushes again, ducking her head. She’s really, really not sure what to make of Nayeon, who had seemed so quick to dislike her at the beginning but now so quick to care. Momo really isn’t sure what she’s done to change Nayeon’s mind, nor is she sure that she deserves it.

“That’s Sana, right?” Nayeon says pointing at Momo’s friend group who are not so subtly watching them.

“Oh, yeah,” Momo says. “And Mina. They’re on the team. And Jeongyeon, the tall one is Mina’s fiancée. And the short, blonde one is Chaeyoung. They’re my best friends.”

Nayeon nods, giving them a quick wave when she makes eye contact. Sana takes the wave as an invitation to join and the rest of the group trails over behind her.

“Did you invite Nayeon out with us?” Sana asks Momo.

Momo shoots her a questioning look. Sometimes Sana forgets that not everyone is as extroverted as she is, and that most people’s idea of a fun Saturday night is not going to a club with strangers. It was already nice enough for Nayeon to take time to see Momo’s performance it’s not like she’s just going to-

“You guys are going out?” Nayeon asks, unmistakable excitement in her voice.

Momo looks at her to find a glimmer in her eye and a smile on her face.

“Oh, yeah. Just to celebrate. You can come if you want?” Momo says cautiously.

Nayeon’s smile widens, and she takes a step closer to Momo.

“I’d love to.”

There’s a gap in Momo’s memory. She remembers arriving at the club, remembers Nayeon immediately pressing a drink into her hand with a whispered congratulations. She remembers Hoseok, a few drinks in and clearly feeling it, singing her praises. She remembers dancing with Sana, back pressed up against her front, and then with Mina, face to face hands clasped together. Then she remembers Jeongyeon whisking her fiancée away and disappearing to do god knows what. She remembers doing shots with Chaeyoung and Nayeon. And then she remembers dancing with Nayeon and then nothing.

She wakes slowly, head aching, body aching, everything aching. She doesn’t remember how she got home. But she knows the smell and feel of her bed, so she knows she’s safe. That’s all that matters. She doesn’t get up until the acid in her stomach warns her that she needs to eat something, or she’ll end up dry heaving. After she gets some toast and jam in her stomach and brushes her teeth to rid her mouth of the lingering, sour taste of last night’s alcohol, Momo falls back into her bed.

She’ll go to sleep again in a minute. Her head is begging for her to close her eyes and drift off, but she checks her phone first. The group chat has a number of texts, from Mina asking if they all got home safe, from Sana and Chaeyoung assuring her that they did, and from Momo as well (though she doesn’t remember sending it). There’s also a slew of texts in the dance crew’s group chat with congratulations and celebratory messages that get less and less coherent as the night goes on. Momo snickers as she watches the video Jimin posted of Hosoek doing his best (drunkest) rendition of 2ne1’s ‘I am the best’.

But most recently, there’s a text from Nayeon, only from a couple hours ago asking how she’s feeling. She shoots back a text that just says ‘hungover’ and then drops her phone with the determination that she will try to sleep off the pulsing in her skull. Instead, her phone is ringing not a second after she dropped it and the shrill sound has her groaning as she fumbles to answer.

“Hello?”

Nayeon lets out a gentle laugh on the other end of the line.

“You sound awful,” she says. “Though I’m surprised you’re awake at all after last night.”

This conversation is hurting her brain a little. Momo hums in response.

“What’s up?” she asks, her voice gravelly.

“I just wanted to check in with you,” Nayeon says. “You were in pretty rough shape last night. I think we maybe overdid it on buying you drinks.”

Momo hums again.

“You sound like you’re falling asleep,” Nayeon says. “Should I let you go?”

“It’s okay,” Momo manages to say.

Nayeon laughs once more, the sound almost like a lullaby to Momo’s tired mind.

“I’ll hang up,” Nayeon says. “Sleep Momo. But text me later if you want. I’m gonna order in and watch a movie later. You should join.”

“Okay,” Momo mumbles and she feels her grip go slack and the phone start to fall out of her hand.

She just barely manages to catch a whispered, “Sleep well, Momo.”

“What did I do last night?” Momo asks, as she hands Nayeon the dumplings she ordered.

“You don’t remember?” Nayeon asks, tilting her head curiously.

“Not, like, the second half of the night I guess. I’m not even sure when or how I got home.”

“Oh, I brought you home. We got here maybe around 3am? I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You were really, really out of it by then. And you didn’t really do anything, you were just really clingy.”

Momo blushes. She isn’t the most touchy-feely person out there. That award will always belong to Sana. But she knows that when she’s tired or drunk she does have the tendency to cling a little. She just wants to feel protected and safe when she isn’t feeling in top shape.

“Oh, sorry,” she says.

Nayeon shakes her head and shifts a little so that she’s closer to Momo, their thighs pressed against each other as Nayeon leans her head on Momo’s shoulder. They haven’t touched before (not that Momo remembers) but maybe last night had unlocked a new level in their relationship without Momo realizing.

“You know, you apologize a lot,” Nayeon says. “I feel like half of our conversations are you apologizing for something you think you did wrong.”

“Oh, I’m s-“

Nayeon pulls away quickly and glares at her.

“Don’t you dare,” Nayeon says.

Momo bites down the urge to apologize again.

“I don’t want you to apologize for anything around me,” Nayeon says firmly, her gaze strong in her eyes. “Unless you actually did something wrong, in which case I will let you know. And you clinging to me isn’t a bad thing. I like you being clingy with me.”

“You… do?”

Nayeon looks at Momo as if she’s trying to convey something to her telepathically.

“I do,” she says. “You should be clingy with me whenever you want to be. Even if you aren’t drunk.”

Momo blinks and then nods slowly.

“Okay.”

Nayeon seems to be waiting for something else, but Momo isn’t sure what and before she can ask, Nayeon is pulling away with a light sigh. She pops a dumpling into her mouth and turns back to the reality show they have on. Momo grabs some noodles herself and starts to eat slowly. She has this feeling that she’s missing something. It’s a feeling she’s all too familiar with but she’s really not sure what it could be this time. Maybe she did do something weird last night?

She puts it out of her mind as she eats, feeling all too comfortable on Nayeon’s couch, Kookeu curled up on one side of her and Nayeon still sitting close enough for their elbows to knock as she uses her chopsticks. After another episode of the show, Momo has eaten her fill, and she’s feeling sleepy, and she thinks that she’d really like to lean on Nayeon because she’s still hungover and Nayeon is warm. She thinks of Nayeon’s earlier words and takes them to heart, leaning so that she can nestle her head into the crook of Nayeon’s shoulder.

Nayeon adjusts for her immediately, shifting so that Momo can rest more comfortably and leaning into her a little as well. It feels really nice. Momo briefly has the thought that if she falls asleep here, she wouldn’t mind. But, well, she doesn’t want to be a bother.

“You can kick me out whenever,” Momo says, punctuating the sentence with a yawn.

Nayeon just hums her assent but doesn’t say anything. Her hand finds Momo’s and she starts to gently trace figures onto the back of her knuckles. It’s soothing, deeply so, and Momo really is going to fall asleep soon if she keeps that up.

“I feel like I didn’t really get to say this enough last night,” Nayeon says softly, as if she’s trying not to disturb Momo. “I’m really glad I got to see you dance. It was really nice getting to see you do something you’re passionate about and so good at.”

“A nice change of pace from me sucking at things, right?” Momo replies lightly.

She feels Nayeon shake her head.

“You don’t suck at things,” she says. “But you’re really, really good at dance. I feel like you’re better at dance than I am at anything. I just… watching you up there… it felt like you were shining.”

The compliment makes Momo blush, heat rushing to her face and settling in her cheeks.

“Thank you,” she says. “And thank you for coming.”

“Of course. Let me know when the next one is. I’ll come to that one as well.”

“Soooooo,” Sana says, eyes mischievous and sparkling.

Momo has no clue what she’s about to say but she already knows that it’s too early for this. After their short leave of absence during the competition prep, they’re all back to teaching. The kiddos are slowly starting to stream into the lobby to sign-in and in about two minutes, Momo and Sana are going to have to go to their respective studios to start teaching their groups. But for some reason, instead of prepping for her class, Sana is all up in her face, eyebrows dancing.

“So what?” Momo asks.

“Sooo,” Sana says again, as if that would clear anything up. “What happened with you and Nayeon after the party?”

“Huh? Nothing. She took me home, right?”

“Yeah, you two sure looked cuddly,” Sana says, her grin widening, and Momo is slowly starting to clue in to what is happening right now.

“No, stop. I’m cuddly when I’m drunk. You know that. Don’t make this anything else.”

“Really? Your hot, smart, pretty neighbor came to watch your show on her night off, and then offered to drag your drunk ass home, not minding even a little bit that you kissed her three times as she-“

“I did what?”

“You kissed her,” Sana sing-songs. “On the cheek and she didn’t seem to mind, just so you know.”

Momo sighs harshly.

“Don’t you have some toddlers to teach?” Momo says gesturing at the crowd of children that have started to gather in front of the studio doors.

“Yes, but! I also have a clueless best friend.”

“What do you want from me?” Momo says with a sigh.

“I just want you to consider the possibility that Nayeon might possibly like you a little bit,” Sana says. “Can you do that for me? Just think about it?”

Momo considers putting up a fight, but she has to teach, and Sana is relentless when she wants to be. So she just gives her a shrug followed by a reluctant nod when Sana raises her eyebrow. She hopes it’s enough to get Sana off her back for a while.

Nayeon has taken to coming to Momo’s apartment in the evenings when she isn’t on shift. She says that she likes Boo’s energy (she’s warmed to him quite a bit since their first meeting) and that Momo’s couch is more comfortable than hers (Momo can’t tell the difference). Momo is surprised by how little she minds her presence.

“Oh my god,” Nayeon says around a mouthful of gimbap. “This is amazing. I’m so glad that one time you almost set your house on fire was a fluke. Who knew you could cook this well?”

Momo shrugs. She got good at making gimbap because Chaeyoung, who has a bit of a sensitive palate, always said that she liked hers best. She used to make it for her all the time when they were in college since Chaeyoung would skip meals more often than not.

“The kimchi stew you made last night was amazing too,” Nayeon continues, voice muffled by the food that she really should be chewing properly. “I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this talent from me.”

“I haven’t been hiding it,” Momo says. “I was just too busy to cook.”

“Whatever,” Nayeon says. “I hope you know that this means I’m coming over even more so that you can cook for me, right?”

“Is that even possible?” Momo asks. “You’ve been here every night this week.”

Nayeon pauses mid-chew and scrutinizes Momo carefully. This time she finishes chewing her food properly before speaking.

“Does that bother you? I know I came over unannounced the last couple times.”

“No,” Momo says honestly. “But if you’re going to keep eating my food, you should at least help me with the groceries.”

Nayeon’s eyes light up, brighter than feels appropriate for the situation but Momo’s getting used to that. Nayeon seems to be happy a lot these days. Different from when they first met. Momo wonders if work has eased up on her a bit.

“Deal,” Nayeon replies. “Just send me a shopping list and I can do it next time.”

“At this rate, you may as well move in,” Momo says.

“Take me on a date first.”

Momo is also slowly getting used to Nayeon's snark.

Momo had brushed off Sana’s words. Her friend is a sucker for romance and has a terrible penchant for setting people up. Her desire to get Momo to date Nayeon was nothing more than Sana being Sana.

But Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon are much more cautious with Momo’s heart. Especially after Jihyo. So when they mention it, it’s a little harder to ignore.

I happens after they run into Nayeon in the hallway on the way back from a quick snack run for movie night.

“Oh, you have guests tonight,” Nayeon says sending Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung a friendly nod in greeting. “Guess I’ll have to fend for myself.”

“Sorry,” Momo says, genuinely apologetic. “Tomorrow night, if you’re free from work.”

“Already looking forward to it,” Nayeon says with a grin, pushing into her apartment and closing the door behind her.

Momo goes into her own apartment and her friends immediately make themselves at home, Jeongyeon pulling a squirmy Boo into her arms and Chaeyoung flopping down on her couch.

“What was that about?” Chaeyoung asks.

“What was what about?”

“With Nayeon just now. What’s tomorrow? Did you guys have plans?”

“Oh, no, not really,” Momo replies, going to the kitchen to grab the soju and glasses that will accompany the myriad snacks they just picked out. “She’s just been coming over for dinner recently.”

“What? Every night?” Jeongyeon asks.

“Most nights yeah. When she doesn’t have to work.”

“How did that start?”

“Not sure. She started coming over and I started feeding her, I guess. It just kind of happened.”

Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon share a long look. Momo tries to decipher whatever silent conversation they’re having but she can’t figure out what Chaeyoung’s raised eyebrows and Jeongyeon’s pursed lips might mean.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Chaeyoung says. “It’s just that… that isn’t like you.”

“I feed you guys all the time,” Momo says, gesturing at the soju and snacks on the table to make her point.

“That’s not what I meant. You’re very cautious with who you let into your space,” Chaeyoung says. “We’ve known each other for years. You’ve known Nayeon for what… two months? Three? It’s just not like you to get close to people this quickly.”

Momo frowns. It’s not like Chaeyoung is wrong. It had taken her years to get close to Jeongyeon, slightly less with Chaeyoung but that’s because Jeongyeon had been there to facilitate. She only became friends with Sana and Mina during crew rehearsals where they didn’t have a choice but to interact. And Sana wasn’t the type of person that you eased into. Being friends with her was like jumping into the deep end of the pool and hoping you could swim. But other than that, Momo has to admit that she does have a tendency to give herself space from people.

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing,” Chaeyoung rushes to amend as she catches Momo’s expression. “It’s just surprising. You seem to click with her really well.”

“She’s nice,” Momo says. “And she doesn’t expect too much from me.”

“She seems good for you,” Chaeyoung says.

“Do you…” Jeongyeon starts and then stops and starts again after thinking for a second. “Do you want to date her?”

“Ugh, not you too,” Momo says, burying her face in her hands.

Is it really so crazy that she wants to spend a lot of time with someone out of purely platonic feelings? Is that really so unbelievable? Sure, she hasn’t made friends outside of work setting in years but still... she and Nayeon can be just friends.

“Who else has been saying that?” Jeongyeon asks, eyebrow raised.

“Sana, of course,” Momo replies. “You know how she is.”

“Well….. she was right about me and Mina,” Jeongyeon says.

“That was a fluke!”

Jeongyeon laughs at how worked up Momo is getting and holds her hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. I’m just saying. Nayeon seems nice and you seem to get along. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

Momo doesn’t reply, choosing instead to down a shot of soju and grab the remote from Chaeyoung to start the movie. She’s not mad at Jeongyeon and she knows Jeongyeon can tell because she starts pelting her with popcorn three seconds into the opening credits. But also, she doesn’t want to think about this at all. She and Nayeon have a good thing going right now. She isn’t going to fuck it by trying to date her. Especially since that seems to be the most surefire way to get people to stop wanting to be around her.

Momo goes to visit Nayeon at the hospital once. Nayeon trades shifts with a coworker so that the coworker can go on a date for her anniversary, and she forgets to mention it to Momo until Momo asks if she can pick up green onions on the way home. Nayeon quickly apologizes saying that she can’t make it. That’s fine. Momo doesn’t really mind except that the bibimbap is pretty much already made and there’s too much for her to eat alone.

Did you have dinner? she asks over text.

No I’ll grab something from the vending machine dw

I can come drop off some food. If that’s okay?

You don’t have to, Nayeon replies after a long pause.

I know. I want to.

When Momo arrives, Nayeon beams at her like she brought the early arrival of Christmas and not just some rice, meat, and veggies in a Tupperware.

“Oh my god, this is amazing,” Nayeon says. “I’m so glad you came. You didn’t have to, you know? Sorry I forgot to text you that I wouldn’t be there. Today’s been so busy.”

“It’s okay,” Momo says. “I’m glad I still get to eat with you.”

They sit at a table in the hospital cafeteria after Nayeon begs her coworker to cover for her while she takes her 30-minute meal break. She warns Momo that there’s still a chance she could get pulled away if there’s an emergency and she has her phone on the table next to her face up as they eat. She’s eating much faster than she normally does, shoveling the food into her mouth.

“Are you always this busy?” Momo asks.

“Yeah,” Nayeon replies. “I mean, it slows down a little at night, but people don’t stop being sick just because the sun sets.”

They eat mostly in silence, because Nayeon, the usual conversation maker is a little preoccupied with trying to inhale her food. Her phone lights up with a text as she’s mid bite and she freezes, only relaxing after reading it.

“Just my coworker asking me to grab her a coke,” she explains in answer Momo’s quizzical expression. “No emergencies yet.”

Nayeon finishes the last of her food a few bites later, leaning back in her chair with a sigh and then stretching her arms high above her head twisting as she does to loosen up her back.

“Ugh, doubles are always the worst. I should have told Dahyun to screw her anniversary.”

“How much longer do you have to be here?” Momo asks.

“I get off at 7am,” Nayeon says.

“You have to work a full 24 hours?” Momo squeaks, surprised.

“Yeah, that’s how it is with nursing. One shift is 12 hours. Add another one and it’s 24. That’s why I’m so tired all the time. And that’s why I snapped at you when we first met. Or I guess the second time we met, technically. I hope you know by now I’m not normally that bitchy, but not sleeping for over twenty-four hours can do that to a person.”

She doesn’t resent Nayeon for the way they met. Not the first time with Boo or the second time with the fire alarm. They’ve come way too far for that and it’s easy for Momo to recognize that it was a moment of out of character behavior from her.

“So should I expect you to come knocking on my door tomorrow morning if I play my music too loud?” she asks.

“Don’t you dare.”

“How else am I supposed to get you to come over and hang out with me?” Momo asks.

Nayeon pauses and regards her carefully for a second. Her expression softens a little and she smiles.

“You can just text. I’ll come over anytime you want.”

Momo does text Nayeon but not the next day. She’s pretty sure Nayeon will need her sleep desperately and she won’t disturb that. But the day after, a Saturday, Nayeon is in her apartment less than five minutes later after Momo hits the send button.

“It’s a little early for dinner,” Nayeon says, flopping down on the couch.

“I know,” Momo says. “I just wanted to hang out. I missed you the last couple of days.”

It’s true. It’s now been six days since they last had dinner together (not counting the quick meal at the hospital) and Momo hadn’t realized just how quiet her apartment could be. It’s weird, she thinks, how quickly Nayeon has completely integrated herself into her life. Before her, Momo never really had any issues being alone.

Nayeon doesn’t respond immediately, and she turns to find Nayeon looking at her curiously.

“Did you really miss me?” Nayeon asks.

“Yeah,” Momo replies. “I missed having dinner with you.”

Nayeon tilts her head and smiles at her warmly. There’s something in the expression that makes Momo feel a little tingly.

“Come sit,” Nayeon says patting couch next to her. “Let’s watch a movie and order pizza. You don’t have to cook tonight.”

“I don’t mind cooking for you,” Momo says, taking her seat and immediately leaning into Nayeon. “I like it when you enjoy what I make.”

A music video shoot in Jeju keeps Momo away from Nayeon for four whole days. It’s a solo artist this time from a major company and the production level on the music video blows Momo’s mind. She takes a thousand pictures. She won’t be allowed to post on any social media, has signed an NDA threatening her with all sorts of things if she does, but she wants the memories even if they’re just for her. Dancing on the bow of a yacht out on the water with helicopters around them lighting them and the water below is easily the coolest thing she’s ever gotten to do. It’s bitter cold and she and the other dancers have to huddle like penguins between takes but when she monitors the final product she’s awed by what she sees.

When she finally gets to have dinner with Nayeon again, she tells her about it in detail while Nayeon listens attentively. It occurs to Momo that the whole time she’d been out at the shoot she had been subconsciously waiting to tell Nayeon about everything, filing away little details in her mind that she thought Nayeon would appreciate and doing her best to weave together the story into something interesting. The smile Nayeon gives her as she talks is worth the wait.

Four weeks later, the music video comes out and the first person Momo shows is Nayeon, who watches with wide eyes and an even wider smile.

“You look so cool,” she says, voice a little breathless. “How the hell are you so cool?”

Momo shrugs but smiles at Nayeon who insists on watching it six more times before eventually stopping when Momo buries her face into her shoulder in embarrassment.

The bar was Sana’s idea. Inviting Nayeon was also Sana’s idea. Jihyo sitting a couple tables away with some of her law school friends was definitely not Sana’s idea but here she is anyway. She hasn’t noticed Momo yet thankfully and Momo is currently wondering if she can make it to the exit without being spotted.

No one else at the table has noticed yet. Jeongyeon, Mina, and Chaeyoung are sitting across from Momo, their backs to Jihyo, and Nayeon and Sana had never actually met in her in person and therefore would not know what to look for. Momo does her best to try to figure out an escape route. Standing up to leave might draw more attention to her, but staying here, facing Jihyo, even from three tables away, is bound to get her noticed eventually. Maybe if she switches seats with Mina, who is partially obscured by a pillar it would be okay.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Jeongyeon asks, poking Momo in the forehead to get her attention.

The whole table is looking at her and she wonders how long it’s been since their conversation paused.

“Don’t look, but Jihyo is here,” Momo mumbles, immediately regretting her words when Jeongyeon swings her head around quickly and Sana cranes her neck to see a little better.

Momo hides her face in her arms because why the hell do her friends have to be so embarrassing anyway? Thankfully she has Mina who grabs Jeongyeon’s chin and forces her to look forward again and Nayeon pulls Sana back to sitting.

“Ugh, what is she doing here?” Sana asks.

“It’s a public bar. She’s allowed to be here,” Chaeyoung says, rationally.

Sana rolls her eyes and grumbles.

“The ex?” Nayeon asks.

“Yeah,” Momo sighs.

Nayeon is at least a little more surreptitious when she checks Jihyo out, eyeing her judgmentally from next to Momo. She doesn’t say anything, but she does reach over to grab Momo’s hand where it’s resting on the table and gives it a squeeze.

“Do you want to leave?” she asks gently.

She kind of does but they’d all just gotten their first drinks and Sana had been so excited that she’d finally found a Friday night where they were all free and Momo doesn’t want to ruin that. It’s not like she thinks anything bad would happen if Jihyo does notice her. Probably she’d just ignore her, and Momo will ignore her right back and it would be fine. Momo shakes her head and squeezes Nayeon’s hand in thanks.

“It’s okay.”

Nayeon nods but she doesn’t let go as they turn back to discussing Chaeyoung’s upcoming gallery opening. Momo forces herself to focus her attention on the conversation, angling her seat towards Nayeon a little bit more so that she isn’t looking directly at Jihyo and forcing herself to keep her eyes forward.

She hasn’t thought about Jihyo much lately, which is a good thing. The ache that she’d left behind from the break-up had faded into the background of her life and Momo has moved on. She doesn’t really hold any ill-will towards Jihyo. It’s not like it was her fault that she hadn’t liked Momo that much. Still, seeing her is awkward, and Momo doesn’t want to have to think about their now dead and gone relationship or the way it ended.

Eventually, she’s able to forget that Jihyo is there. Her friends really are wonderful, funny, and distracting. And she likes watching how Nayeon gets along with them. She’s just the right amount of snarky with Jeongyeon and she’s awed by Chaeyoung’s art, pouring over the pictures that she shows her. She’s also the only one at the table able to keep up with Sana’s high energy. It’s heartwarming and Momo is glad to see her fitting in so well in their little circle. Nayeon feels less like a visitor, a friend of a friend, and more like she’s there to stay. Sana has already made a new group chat that includes her as they started to plan for Chaeyoung’s gallery opening. Momo doesn’t quite know how to put it into words, but it feels meaningful. The idea of Nayeon being around in a permanent way feels right.

They’re midway through discussing the merits of using twitter as a promotional platform for the gallery opening when the table suddenly falls silent, and all eyes go to look over Momo’s shoulder. Dread in her veins, Momo turns to find Jihyo standing behind her, a smile on her face. Momo hadn’t expected her to come over and she only barely manages to choke out an awkward ‘hi’.

“Hey,” Jihyo responds, her eyes flitting to where Momo and Nayeon’s hands are still entwined on the table. Momo goes to let go, but Nayeon tightens her grip imperceptibly and Momo doesn’t fight it. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” Momo replies.

It’s a lie but what is Momo supposed to say? It’s not that she’s unhappy to see Jihyo per se, but … well… She kind of wishes this weren’t happening. She wishes that she didn’t have to remember it all, wishes she could wipe away the awkwardness of this moment. She also wishes her friends could maybe chill a little. Sana and Jeongyeon are openly glaring at Jihyo, and Mina and Chaeyoung are very obviously pretending she isn’t there. Only Nayeon is acting like a normal person, but well… not really because she has shifted closer, her body pressing just a little into Momo’s side, closer than they were sitting seconds ago. And she’s still holding Momo’s hand, thumb rubbing against the side gently, soothingly. It’s almost distracting enough for Momo to forget about Jihyo altogether.

“How have you been?” Jihyo asks, for some reason very clearly invested in carrying on this conversation despite the tension in the air around them.

“Good. You?”

“Also good,” Jihyo says. “I’ll be graduating soon so things are busy. But it’s not too bad. I saw… on Youtube, I saw clips from that competition you were in. You guys looked really good out there.”

She directs the words to Sana and Mina as well, only one of whom acknowledges the words with a stilted nod.

“Oh, thank you,” Momo replies.

She’s surprised. When they’d been dating, Jihyo had always seemed a little skeptical about her career as a dancer. She liked seeing Momo dance but always seemed more worried about whether or not it was sustainable as a career. She had only ever had the time to come to one of Momo’s performances and while she had kissed Momo silly afterwards, whispering in her ear how hot she was, she hadn’t managed to make it to any others.

“I also saw you in Taeyeon’s music video,” Jihyo continues. “You did really well.”

“Thank you,” Momo says again.

She really isn’t sure what is happening right now and therefore has no clue how to respond to Jihyo past the most straightforward, polite responses. Jihyo doesn’t seem to mind, though she keeps her eyes on Momo with that sharp scrutinizing expression of hers that always made Momo feel like she needed to sit up straight.

“Is there anything we can help you with?” Jeongyeon asks.

Her tone is sharper than it usually is, and Momo is reminded of how protective her oldest friend can be. Sometimes it’s annoying but sometimes it feels nice to be cared for. Right now, Momo isn’t sure which she’s feeling more. Jihyo just glances at Jeongyeon for a second before she looks back at Momo and shoots her a smile. Her smile used to make Momo swoon. It’s bright and wide, and it makes her whole face shine. Even now Momo can’t help but acknowledge how pretty she is when she looks like this.

“No,” Jihyo says. “I just wanted to say hi. It was good seeing you again, Momo.”

“You too,” Momo responds.

And that’s that. After a quick goodbye, Jihyo walks out the door with her friends and as soon she’s gone it feels like the whole table takes a breath. Nayeon moves away and slips her hand out of Momo’s. Momo’s hand feels cold, and she somehow feels like she’s done something wrong but when she looks at Nayeon all she sees is a comforting smile.

“Ugh, the nerve of her,” Sana says.

“What the hell was she thinking coming over like we’re all friends?” Jeongyeon grumbles.

“Are you okay, Momo?” Mina asks, gently.

Momo shrugs.

“Yeah, it’s fine. It’s been a while. It felt weird to see her again, I guess.”

“Do you… do you still have feelings for her?” Nayeon asks cautiously, as if she’s afraid she’d upset Momo. “Is that why it was weird?”

“No,” Momo says. “I don’t. I just… I didn’t know what to say to her.”

“There was nothing to say,” Sana says. “She clearly just came over here to gloat. She wants to know whether or not she ruined your life. Clearly she didn’t.”

“She’s not like that,” Momo says with a sigh.

Sana had never gotten the chance to meet Jihyo. Jihyo had always been so busy with her grad school schedule that she’d only met Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung once or twice. But as soon as Jihyo had broken up with her, Sana had declared her the enemy in solidarity. Momo isn’t sure how to explain that Jihyo had never been the enemy. Momo just hadn’t been good enough for her.

“That’s what you think,” Sana says. “But you’ve never been good at reading people. I’m telling you; she was just doing a victory lap.”

The words sting and Momo bites her lip to stop herself from snapping. Sana doesn’t mean anything by it. She means well, has always meant well, and wanted the best for Momo. The words are thrown out casually and followed by a swig of beer and a quick shift in conversation. But after Jihyo's sudden appearance, Sana's off-hand evaluation of her social abilities leaves Momo feeling off-kilter and reminds her that other people know. Not just Jihyo but her friends too. They can all see that she’s not good enough.

“Bathroom,” she mumbles to the table as she stands up and moves away.

She just needs a second. She doesn’t want to drag down anyone’s mood, doesn’t want to make Sana feel bad. She just needs a second to pull herself together. She just wants to be good enough, she thinks. Not for Jihyo specifically, but just in general. She wants to know that she can be good enough, that she isn’t a total fuck up. She stares in the mirror and then splashes some water on her face to re-set herself.

As she’s wiping her face dry, the door opens and Momo is surprised to find Nayeon there, watching her cautiously.

“Hey,” Nayeon says, closing the bathroom door after her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Momo says. “I just… need a sec.”

“Okay,” Nayeon says, and she just watches quietly as Momo finishes wiping her face and fixing her hair. She waits until Momo seems satisfied with her appearance before she speaks again.

“You know,” Nayeon says. “You’re better off without her.”

Momo appreciates the sentiment, but it isn’t what she needs to hear now. She just shrugs in response.

“I mean it,” Nayeon says. “She doesn’t… I mean, I know I’m being presumptuous right now. I know that I don’t know her and that I never saw you together but… from that conversation I feel like she doesn’t really get you. You’re really wonderful and she’s stupid to not see it.”

Momo is too far in her head to be hearing this right now. Why the hell is Nayeon saying this stuff when it’s so obvious that she’s a fuck up? Why is she lying to Momo?

“You’re always saying stuff like that,” Momo says gruffly.

“Like what?”

“Like you know me. Like you think you know me better than anyone else.”

“I don’t think that,” Nayeon says. “I just-“

“Good,” Momo says. “Because you don’t.”

Nayeon flinches back from Momo’s words and Momo regrets them immediately. She wants to take them back. She didn’t mean it. Nayeon has been kind and wonderful to her and believed in her ever minute, every second that they’ve known each other. Maybe she can’t see all of the ways Momo is lacking but at least she’s always seen the best in her.

“I’m sorry,” she says, reaching out to try and soothe Nayeon’s upset expression.

Nayeon steps away from her hand. It’s the first time she’s ever turned away from Momo’s touch and Momo feels an ache in her chest.

“You know, that hurts,” Nayeon says. “I know you’re upset but.. that hurts.”

Her tone is matter of fact, but her expression is drawn.

“I’m sorry,” Momo says again. “I didn’t mean it.”

Nayeon sighs and runs her hands through her hair.

“It’s fine. I know you didn’t. You’re upset. I get it.”

Nayeon is saying the right words, but her tone and expression are still broken. Momo feels guilt well up in her chest. She never wanted to hurt Nayeon.

“Nayeon,” Momo says, stepping forward into Nayeon’s space and this time Nayeon lets her, so Momo reaches out to hold her hand. “I’m really, really sorry. I really didn’t mean it. That’s not how I feel about you at all. You… you do know me. It’s just that I… sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve the way you see me.”

Nayeon shifts her hand so that her fingers can intertwine with Momo’s and the sensation of being held, even if it’s just her hand, almost brings tears to Momo’s eyes.

“What do you mean by that?” Nayeon asks, and her voice is back to the soft tone she always uses with Momo.

“I just… I feel like you see only the good parts and none of the bad,” Momo says. “Like how I’m disorganized and late to things a lot and I’m forgetful and distractible and I’m not good at reading people or understanding things or-“

“I do see those things,” Nayeon says gently, bringing their joined hands up to press a kiss to the back of Momo’s. “I see them, but I don’t care. They don’t matter in the grand scheme of things because they pale in comparison to all of the good things about you. All the things that you don’t see. Like the way you care about your friends and Boo and Kookeu, and how hard you work, and how you always cook for me even though I know it’s extra work, and how you always make sure to be extra quiet in your apartment when you know I’ve worked a double, don’t think I haven’t noticed that, by the way. You have passion and strength and love and that’s what matters. The rest is just… stuff. No one can be perfect, but I think…”

Nayeon trails off and Momo tilts her head up to look at her better and she sees the way Nayeon is looking at her. The same meaningful look that she’s had for her for months now, unwavering, warm eyes and just the hint of a fond smile. Her gaze is magnetic, and Momo can’t look away.

“I think you’re pretty damn close,” Nayeon says, voice only a half-step above a whisper.

“You used to hate me,” Momo says for some reason.

She’s not sure why those words come out of her mouth. It happens against her will, without any thought but they make Nayeon laugh.

“Yeah, but then I got to know you,” Nayeon says. “Once that happened, hating you was impossible.”

Momo nods and then she pulls Nayeon forward and buries her face into her neck, enjoying the way Nayeon’s free hand immediately buries itself in her hair to hold her closer. There’s a racing in Momo’s heart, something steady and constant and she knows what it is, knows that it’s all Nayeon’s fault but she chooses to ignore it. Just for now and instead enjoys the feeling of being held.

“Are you two finally dating?” Sana asks Momo, thankfully waiting for the moment Nayeon had stepped away to grab another glass of champagne.

Momo glares at Sana. This is Chaeyoung’s big night. She should be focusing on that, and on the fact that Chaeyoung has already sold four paintings, rather than on Momo’s hypothetical dating life.

“Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because! You two are clearly head over heels for each other and you arrived together, and she hasn’t left your side all night. Except to go grab drinks for you. It’s all suspiciously domestic behavior.”

Momo rolls her eyes.

“We’re neighbors,” Momo reminds her. “Of course we came together. It would have been stupid to spend money on separate Ubers.”

“You are neighbors who hold hands,” Jeongyeon says. “And who have date nights like… all the time.”

“It’s just dinner. Not dates,” Momo says, her patience very quickly running thin.

Jeongyeon and Sana both sigh in what sounds like disappointment but what the hell is Momo supposed to tell them? They aren’t dating. And sure, maybe the idea of it sounds nice. Maybe Momo has started to think about what would happen if Nayeon didn’t leave once dinner was over and instead spent the night instead. Maybe she’s thought about how it would be nice to have breakfasts with Nayeon and lunches too. And yes, okay, maybe she likes the way Nayeon looks at her, and talks to her, and listens to her. But! But….

She’s running out of excuses she thinks, as Nayeon gets back and hands her a drink, a drink that Momo didn’t have to ask for, that Nayeon just grabbed for her because she noticed Momo’s glass was empty. She’s always like that with Momo, attuned to what she needs, paying attention, eyes following her constantly.

“What are we talking about?” she asks, glancing around the circle even as her hand searches for Momo’s.

“Oh, nothing,” Sana says, looking down at their intertwined fingers. “Just about how Momo is a big idiot.”

“She’s not,” Nayeon admonishes, looking at Momo with that fond, fond smile.

Momo smiles back because she can’t help it. She’s fond of Nayeon too. More than fond at this point and she likes the way their hands are fitting together.

“Oh, she’s totally an idiot,” Jeongyeon adds in. “If you knew why you’d agree but unfortunately, it’s up to her to tell you.”

Momo flips off her best friend and is rewarded with a middle finger right back that Mina slaps her shoulder for.

“Will you all quit it?” she says. “This is a fancy event, and you are acting like children. Go look at some paintings and stop fighting.”

Grumbling under their breath, they all go their separate ways to look at the art some more, Nayeon trailing behind Momo, their fingers still intertwined.

“I love her art,” Nayeon says when they stop in front of a painting. “She has such a unique style, and it fits her so well. And it’s so cool that even though the style is similar in each of these, they have their own emotions behind them. Don’t you think?”

Nayeon is smarter than Momo is, better at putting things into words, but Momo can see what she’s talking about. The painting in front of them, made of bold pinks and soft oranges is conveying something for sure. Though Momo wonders if she’s getting it confused with the feeling of Nayeon’s arm pressed against hers, their sleeveless dresses leading to more skin-on-skin contact than Momo is used to.

“This one is love, right?” Momo says, feeling her cheeks burn as she says it.

“Yeah,” Nayeon replies, but she’s looking at Momo. “I think it is.”

Showcase prep isn’t as bad as competition prep. The stakes are lower, there’s no prize and the only thing they’ll get out of it is good exposure. And this showcase in particular doesn’t have any of the bigger names so it’ll be a more relaxed platform to perform on. Therefore, Momo thinks as she stretches her arms over her head and hears about five different joints crack, Hoseok could chill a little. He’s working them as if their careers were on the line and her whole body is aching as she stretches out on the living room floor.

The door opens and Nayeon walks in with an excited Boo in tow.

“You weren’t kidding when you said to never let go of his leash,” Nayeon says, sounding mildly annoyed. “He really will take any opportunity to make a break for it.”

“Yeah,” Momo says, smiling as her baby boy crawls into her lap and she unhooks his leash and harness. “Sorry, I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.”

“He wasn’t,” Nayeon says. “Though a little training might go a long way.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t really have the time,” Momo says with a sigh. “Thank you for taking him out for me.”

“Of course,” Nayeon says. “How was your shower?

When Nayeon had come over for dinner she had been met not with food but with a tired, stressed, flustered Momo, who had gotten home later than she planned. Nayeon hadn’t hesitated a second before offering to take a very antsy Boo out so that Momo could have some time to clean up and decompress.

“Good,” Momo says, stretching again and groaning as her muscled complained against the movement. “I’m sorry, but can we order tonight? I’m too tired to cook.”

Nayeon laughs and kneels behind her, hands finding Momo’s shoulders and massaging them gently. Her fingers dig into the muscles under her t-shirt finding the areas of tension and putting pressure until they yield a little. It feels godly and Momo has to stop herself from making embarrassing sounds as Nayeon does her magic.

“Sure,” Nayeon says. “Dumplings okay? I’ve kind of been craving them lately.”

“Sure,” Momo says, though it comes out more as a groan when Nayeon’s knuckle finds a sensitive spot.

Nayeon giggles and Momo is about to bury her face in her hands to hide her embarrassment, but Nayeon doesn’t comment and just goes to grab her phone to place the order.

“You said tomorrow will be easier, right?” Nayeon asks once the order has been placed.

“Yeah, just a half day. And then a half day on Tuesday and then showcase on Wednesday.”

“That’s good. You deserve some rest. I hate seeing you look so worn out. At least you aren’t sleeping through your alarms this time.”

Momo grins at the memory from all those months ago and looks at Nayeon.

“You’d call me if I did though, right? To wake me up?”

Nayeon rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“If I had to,” she says. “I suppose. Just to get the damn thing to stop making noise.”

Momo just smiles. Nayeon smiles back as she takes a seat next to her and starts to run her fingers through Momo’s hair. Boo nuzzles his way onto her lap, and it feels perfect in every way. For a second Momo has the almost ridiculous thought that it feels like a family. But she’s getting ahead of herself. She should probably ask Nayeon out before she starts having thoughts like that. Maybe soon… She leans into the feeling of Nayeon’s fingers in her hair.

“I’m glad I bumped into you that day in the park,” Momo says. “And I’m glad I almost set my apartment on fire.”

It’s a confession of sorts. Not quite the real one but Momo will get there eventually. For now, she just wants Nayeon to know that she’s happy. Nayeon’s fingers don’t stop their movement, but Nayeon does shift to press a kiss to Momo’s temple.

“Me too.”

The first person Momo goes to after the showcase is Nayeon, who is waiting for her with a bouquet of flowers and an absolutely blinding smile.

“You were amazing out there,” she whispers in Momo’s ear. “The best one. Don’t tell Sana and Mina I said that.”

Momo grins.

“Hey! Sana! Mina! Guess what Nayeon just sa-“

Nayeon slaps her hand over Momo’s mouth, muffling her and pulling her away from her friends. She’s laughing even as she threatens Momo with a slow, painful death. Sana and Mina watch them in confusion and that just makes Momo laugh harder when Nayeon releases her.

Nayeon moves her hand from Momo’s mouth straight down to hold her hand and she doesn’t let go as they make their way to the nearest bar for the afterparty. Well, not so much an afterparty as a gathering. It’s a Wednesday night and most people have work the next day and the showcase doesn’t leave them with the same type of adrenaline in her veins as a competition. But that’s no excuse to not get at least a little drunk. The dancers still need to let off steam after the long week of prep and their friends want to congratulate them. Jeongyeon buys the first round, but she tells Nayeon and Chaeyoung that they can buy their own drinks themselves.

“I didn’t see you out there dancing,” Jeongyeon snarks at Nayeon when she complains.

“I’ll buy you a drink,” Momo says, rising from her seat. “As a thank you for coming.”

“Oh, you don’t have-“

Momo waves her off and orders a bottle of Nayeon’s favorite soju. Nayeon presses a kiss to her cheek when she hands it to her, and Momo feels her face flush red. Sana is giving her those annoyingly mischievous eyes of hers and Momo fights down a blush. If Nayeon notices, she’s good at pretending she doesn’t. 

When Nayeon gets wrapped up in a discussion with Chaeyoung about how her gallery is going, Sana tugs at Momo’s sleeve until she can whisper in her ear.

“If you don’t ask her out tonight, I’m never speaking to you again,” Sana whispers.

An empty threat, Momo is sure, but a threat nonetheless. She glares at Sana.

“Oh my god, can you let it go??”

It’s not that she doesn’t want to ask Nayeon out. She does. Every time they hang out these days there are moments like these, fingers intertwined, leaning into each other, chaste forehead and cheek kisses, and they all make Momo’s heart race with anticipation. Anticipation of what though, if she doesn’t ever make a move?

“Give me one good reason why you shouldn’t,” Sana says. “One good reason and I’ll never bring it up again.”

There isn’t one, of course. Sana knows that. She also knows that Momo knows it too. And she also knows that Momo does have every intention of asking Nayeon out. At some point. Honestly, she isn’t sure what she’s waiting for either. Sometimes it feels like she’s just waiting for the right moment, others it feels like she’s waiting for Nayeon to say it first. Other times, Momo doesn’t even know why she hasn’t said anything.

They are already dating essentially, the dinners, the hand holding, the emotional support, sharing of lives. It’s only a title at this point. But it is a title that Momo desperately wants. She needs to be sure that this isn’t in her head and that Nayeon wants this as much as she does. She also kind of wants to be able to kiss Nayeon. She sighs in resignation and gives Sana an affirmative nod.

“I’ll tell her,” she says. “I will.”

Sana squeals, clapping her hands together, catching the attention of everyone else at the table, but Momo waves them all away. Nayeon looks at her quizzically. Momo smiles at her and mouths ‘I’ll tell you later’ which seems to appease her enough to turn back to Chaeyoung.

The night warps up earlier than it normally would only an hour later. Mina is tired and a tired Mina has an even lower social battery than usual and before long Jeongyeon is excusing both of them as she leads Mina out of the bar with an arm around her waist. Surprisingly, (or maybe not that surprising as Sana shoots Momo a wink) Sana also begs out early, saying that she has an early dance class tomorrow and drags a confused Chaeyoung out with her.

“You have that meeting tomorrow, remember?” Sana says.

“Yeah, but it’s later. I can-“

“Let’s go,” Sana says, not bothering to let her finish.

And then it’s just Nayeon and Momo. Momo feels a little awkward, wondering if Nayeon also picked up on her friends’ weak excuses to get them alone together but Nayeon seems to be happy with her drink, sipping it lightly and smiling when she catches Momo’s eye.

“Tell me more about the dance,” Nayeon says. “You said you helped choreograph this time?”

Momo nods, launching into the inspiration behind the choreography that she had helped with extensively this time. She had seen some capoeira in a video online and while they weren’t familiar with the style and wouldn’t be able to incorporate it smoothly into the routine, she had been fascinated with the exchange that she saw in the martial art form of dance. She had wanted to create something like it in their own style, a smooth back and forth within the squad, a push and pull like waves. She and Hoseok had spent hours trying to smooth it out and she was overjoyed with the results.

Nayeon does what she always does when Momo talks at length and listens, eyes not straying far from her face and fingers tracing along the back of her hand that’s resting on the table. Momo thinks that she probably isn’t aware that she’s doing it, but it makes every nerve ending in her arm stand at high alert.

“I’m so glad I was able to get off work tonight,” Nayeon says, once Momo has finished her explanation and her drink. “I was worried I would miss it.”

“You took off work?” Momo asks, her heart suddenly racing in her chest.

“Yeah,” Nayeon replies, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. “I’m going to have to pull a double next week in exchange, but it was worth it to get to see you dance again.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Momo says, hoping that Nayeon hears both the truth behind the statement but also how grateful Momo is that she did.

“I know,” Nayeon says. “But I wanted to. You’re important to me.”

Momo takes a deep breath and then leans forward until she’s resting her forehead against Nayeon’s shoulder exhaling sharply as she does. Nayeon’s hand instinctively finds the back of her neck and scratches lightly at the baby hairs there. The trails of her fingers leave tingles in their wake.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Nayeon asks.

“Do you have any clue what you’re doing to me?” she mumbles against the fabric of Nayeon’s shirt.

She almost expects Nayeon not to hear her, hopes she doesn’t. But Nayeon does, of course, because she’s always listening to Momo.

“No,” Nayeon says, sounding amused. “What am I doing to you?”

“You’re making me fall in love with you,” Momo confesses, hoping again that the words are lost against Nayeon’s shoulder.

Nayeon laughs, a pure, happy sound that has Momo pulling away so she can see the expression she’s making. It’s beautiful. Her crescent eyes, wide smile, pink cheeks. Momo falls a little more.

“Good,” Nayeon says, cupping Momo’s face in her hands. “That was the plan.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”

“Sorry. People always tell me that I’m slow,” Momo says turning her head so she can press a kiss to Nayeon’s palm.

“I don’t mind,” Nayeon replies. “We’re here now, right?”

“Yeah.”

For a bit they just watch each other, Momo tracing every line and feature on Nayeon’s face greedily, relishing in the way she’s smiling, wide as if she can’t help herself. Momo can feel herself smiling in return and a shiver runs down her spine as Nayeon traces the smile with her thumb.

“Can I kiss you?” Nayeon asks.

Momo doesn’t answer, taking the initiative herself to feel what Nayeon’s smile is like against her own. She feels Nayeon hum into the kiss, feels her hands sliding up to tangle in Momo’s hair and Momo shivers again. She parts her lips just a little in the hopes of getting to feel more of Nayeon against her and is rewarded with a sigh and the hint of a tongue against her lower lip that makes her heart pick up in double-time.

Momo feels like she’s on stage, feels the same adrenaline, the same pure joy, the same feeling that she’s right where she belongs doing exactly what she’s supposed to. It’s addicting already and she knows that, just like with dance, she doesn’t want to ever give this up.

It’s only her better judgement and her awareness that they are in a public, crowded bar that has her pulling away. She watches as Nayeon’s eyes flutter open, and she marvels at how her cheeks have taken on a brilliant pink that she’s never seen on her before. She smiles and enjoys how Nayeon follows the movement of her lips with her eyes.

“I think,” Nayeon says, clearing her throat when her voice cracks. “I think that along with dancing and cooking, we can safely add kissing to things that you are phenomenal at.”

It’s a ridiculous line and Momo isn’t sure if Nayeon is trying to make her laugh or not, but she can’t help herself as she bursts out laughing.

“I hope you know this means that you’ve never getting rid of me,” Nayeon continues, her smile widening in response to Momo’s laughter. “You’ll be dancing and cooking for me for the rest of your life.”

“And kissing you, too?” Momo says. “Since I’m also good at that?”

Nayeon flushes again and leans forward to kiss her again, heart-stoppingly softly.

“Yeah, that too.”