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Addy tapped her fingers “come on, tell me what you did wrong”
Dallon’s eyes were fixed to the floor, holding onto Ryan like a lifeline “I didn’t- addy, please I didn’t mean to. Please-“
“I didn’t ask you to beg , I asked you what you did wrong”
“I- I told someone at the party”
“And what exactly did you tell them?”
“I told them that you- that you..”
“That I what ?”
Ryan groaned “they thought he was kidding, addy. And look at him, your making him fucking shake”
“I’m sorry, B. Was I talking to you? A, tell me what you told them. Now.”
“I told them about the muzzle!” Dallon blurted out “I said- I said you put me in a muzzle when you got mad but they didn’t even believe me so- so-“
“So?”
Dallon breathed “please, addy..”
She looked to Ryan who was biting his lip to keep from screaming at her “what do you think, honey? Does he deserve mercy, just this once?”
Ryan tightened his grip on dallon’s hand, pulling him ever so slightly closer. “They didn’t believe him, and he didn’t mean to say it. It just slipped out, come on, This is fucking ridiculous!”
Addy sighed “typical.” She scribbled on her notepad “since A is being painfully cute, I’ll give him just a little grace, alright? No blood, no electro shocks, how does that sound?”
Dallon nodded quickly, looking like a weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. “Thank you addy- thank you” he managed
“So..what are you going to do?” Ryan asked, eyes fixed to addy in some attempt to appear threatening (a pointless venture anyway).
“A, sweetheart, look at me” she paused for a moment “eye contact” she reminded him
Dallon did as he was told, risking a glance up from his shoes.
“Razzmatazz” she said. And that’s when it all went to shit.
Dallon’s eyes got foggy, he was silent for a moment before the tears started.
“Woah- hey, what’s wrong-?” Ryan attempted, turning to face him
Dallon pulled away quickly, wrapping his arms around his middle. He started to hyperventilate, digging his nails into his arms.
“Hey! Hey, come on look at me-“
Dallon was shaking his head desperately “no, no no no- please- no no no-“
“What the fuck did you do?!” Ryan shouted at addy and Dallon continued to shake
“I’m punishing him” addy said simply
—
Ryan barely even remembered why they were fighting. It was something entirely pointless about dallon dancing with some girl at a party. Something stupid. Something not even worth the yelling. But god, Ryan was pissed in the moment.
“Why are you always so fucking mad at me?!” Dallon yelled, flailing his arms around as he made his point
“ I’m only mad at you when you do stupid shit, Which just so happens to be all the damn time ” Ryan had fired back, glaring at him
“AUGH! Do you even hear yourself? You- I don’t even know. Your a selfish fucking-“
Ryan wasn’t sure why but being called selfish was his final straw. Selfish? SELFISH? Did Dallon know what Ryan fucking sacrificed for him? What Ryan did to keep Dallon alive every fucking day? Did Dallon have any idea how much of Ryan’s life was dedicated to keeping the ungrateful little shit breathing?
Ryan grabbed dallon’s face roughly, forcing him to look at Ryan. “Razzmatazz” Ryan said. He wanted Dallon to hurt, he wanted Dallon to hurt.
It took a moment, but soon Dallon dropped like a sack of potatoes. He scrambled back against the far wall as the tears started, he was already shaking.
Ryan watched in stunned silence as Dallon practically cowered, pleading desperately with nobody in particular. He felt..kind of powerful. He wasn’t sure what possessed him but he leaned down and repeated it “razzmatazz” he said again. And again. He wanted Dallon to hurt.
And then Dallon started scratching, scratching and scratching at his wrists till there was red under his fingernails.
That sufficiently snapped him out of it, a terrible pit formed in Ryan’s stomach. He was the reason for this, he had done this. Oh god. Oh god oh god god, Dallon. Ryan kneeled down next to his sobbing cellmate, gently attempting to pull Dallon hands away before he ripped another hole in his skin.
He didn’t want to hurt Dallon anymore, now he just wanted Dallon to stop crying.
—
Someone was hugging him, Dallon realized vaguely as he began to wake up from the comfortable fog of unconsciousness. He must have passed out- oh his head hurt. His head hurt so fucking much. He groaned, shifting slightly. He burrowed closer to the mysterious person, desperate for more warmth
“Dal? Baby, can you hear me?”
Ryan. Dallon attempted to open his eyes, squinting at Ryan as he started to fully wake up
“I’m so, so sorry, Dallon. I- I don’t know why I..”
Dallon was very confused for a moment before the events of earlier came flooding back. He froze. Ryan had hurt him. Ryan had hurt him.
“Honey, I’m sorry. Please-“
Dallon pulled away from his cellmate, quick to stand up. He breathed heavily, backing himself into the far corner.
Ryan stood up too “Dallon.”
Dallon started to kind of shake. Ryan had hurt him. Ryan had hurt him. “I don’t understand.”
“I was just mad, ok? And I’m so fucking sorry Dal, I swear-“
Dallon felt his breathing pick up. “It’s not supposed to be like this. Why did you do that? Your not supposed to- to-“ Ryan wasn’t supposed to hurt him. His father could hurt him, addy could hurt him, but not Ryan. Not Ryan.
“Can you just calm down for a second?!”
Dallon stopped talking immediately. A tiny raise of Ryan’s voice and Dallon was silent. He felt like a child again. He felt small. He felt- he felt-
Dallon felt so terribly betrayed.
Ryan walked over to him slowly, gently going and cupping dallons face “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”
Dallon didn’t move. Dallon said nothing.
—
“I understand you two had a bit of a fight, yes?” Addy said, clicking her pen.
Dallon nodded slightly. He was sitting perfectly still, hands folded in his lap to stop from picking the scabs on his arms.
Ryan groaned “that’s an understatement” he mumbled, crossing his arms
“A, dear, why don’t you tell me a little about what happened”
Dallon’s eyes were fixed to his lap as he spoke “we were arguing and then..he..”
“Arguing about what?”
“There was a girl..um..at the last party. I danced with her and..he got mad about it”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t want Dallon-“
“Subejct A” addy cut in
“..I don’t want subejct A dancing with one of those fucking rich people who think he’s some cute puppy they can drag around and coo at”
“That’s not what was happening” Dallon mumbled “she just- she liked our music”
“Bullshit! And you fucking know it-!”
Addy sighed “now now. Let’s try to be calm about this. What did B do after the argument?”
“He used my..trigger”
“Your trigger? Oh, you mean razz-“
Dallon’s whole body tensed “Please. Please addy-“
Addy burst out laughing “oh honey, I’m not gonna use it now. That would be very counterproductive as I am trying to have a civil conversation with you two. But it is always fun to watch you squirm” she smiled “now, B. Tell me about why you did that”
Ryan looked at the floor, chewing on his lip “..I was mad”
“So you wanted to punish him”
“No. No it wasn’t-“
“Come on, B, say it. You wanted to punish him.”
“I love him. He’s the most important thing in my entire fucking life and-“
“And you wanted to hurt him.”
“..I wanted to hurt him”
“There you go, admitting the truth”
Ryan sunk in on himself, pulling his knees to his chest
“It’s alright, B. It’s only natural, really. It’s what A needs, you know. Structure.”
“Structure?” Ryan asked
Addy scribbled on her clipboard “without a system of rewards and punishments the poor thing gets restless, a bit full of himself too”
“That’s not fucking true-“
Addy looked at Dallon “tell him. Tell him the truth.”
Dallon breathed “addy..”
“Hurting you is the only way to keep you in control, come on. Say it.”
“Dal, don’t listen to her-“
Dallon deflated, tears pricking his eyes “..she’s right”
Addy smiled “There’s a good boy”
“That’s not true! Don’t fucking tell him that!”
Addy sighed “wow B, now you care about his well being? What happened to wanting him to hurt?”
“I didn't- i didn’t-“
“You know, deep down, he’s not like you. Your not a human, B, don’t get it twisted, but A? He’s a glorified waste of air, and I think you know that too” she looked at Dallon “tell him what you are”
“I’m nothing.”
“And what do you deserve?”
Dallon closed his eyes “I deserve to be hurt”
Ryan grabbed dallon’s hand “you don’t deserve to be hurt, you don’t. This is- this is all my fucking fault and I’m so fucking sorry-“
But Dallon wasn’t listening anymore. He understood now. Ryan loved him, Ryan loved him so much, and of course being loved came with pain. It always did. Dallon couldn’t escape that.