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Rin’s eyes managed to creak open. Though it was the dead of night, her body had decided that then was the most beneficial time to get up and get moving. She rolled over, messing up the sheets of her already far-from-made bed. Rin buried her face into her pillow, begging for her brain to shut off. It must have been past midnight, so why had she woken up? She silently wondered if her brother in the top bunk of their bed was awake. Len tended to stay up late playing games and whatnot. If she couldn’t fall asleep, she could always bother him. However, when her thoughts got to him, she noticed a sound that didn’t make her very eager to mess with him that night. From above her, she heard very faint sniffling. That’s not good . Then, Rin heard a poorly stifled sob, and decided to carefully get out of bed to climb up to her brother’s bunk. Through the darkness, she noticed Len’s blanket on the floor, and quietly picked it up. Rin climbed up the bunk bed’s ladder with the blanket in hand, and when she reached the top, she saw her brother laying down, all balled up, and facing the wall, sniffling and sobbing.
“Hey…” Rin whispered.
Len didn’t turn around, only replying through tears, “Hi…”
“Can I come up?” Rin asked softly.
“Yeah…” Len sighed.
Rin climbed up onto the bed as Len slowly moved to sitting with his knees to his chest. Despite the absence of light, as soon as Rin saw her brother’s face, she could tell by how red and wet his face was, by how he didn’t even try to hide his tears, only staring off into the nothingness that he had been crying for a while.
Rin sat across from him with her legs crossed, then held out the blanket to him, smiling awkwardly, “You dropped this.”
“It fell and I didn’t feel like going down there to pick it up.” Len explained as he took the blanket, wrapping it tightly around himself.
“Wanna talk, Len?”
“I don’t know if it really matters. It’s nothing you don’t know.”
“Well, if it helps, I can still listen. If there’s anything you need, I’ll get it.”
“Yeah… I just…I don’t know. I guess I've been thinking too much.” Len mumbled.
“About what?”
“About…a lot of things. I started thinking about how the past few weeks have been really hard for some reason, and then I reminded myself that it’s because I have depression, but then I started getting worried that it’s worsening, and, um…” Len inhaled shakily as his tears quickened, “I got to thinking about how me being mentally ill gets in the way of everything, and that it’s probably so annoying for everyone, and that everyone should probably hate me because that’s the only logical thing people should think about me, and…”
As Len let out a sharp sob, Rin tried her best to find the right words, “Hey, that’s not… Len, I don’t think I could ever hate you. Things are hard for you sometimes–”
“All the time.” Len interrupted.
“I wouldn’t say that, but in any case, I make things hard for everyone all the time. You know, just the other day, Dad made something for dinner that I don’t like, but I couldn’t think of anything I wanted, so at the dinner table I had nothing. I kept complaining that I was hungry even though I kept turning down the suggestions people were giving me, and so that afternoon, Mom was forced to drive to a fast food place because she knew I’d eat that. Now, I know that’s really annoying of me, and that I’m really picky. I also sometimes think, ‘hey, why do people even hang out with someone as annoying as me?’ and I get pretty sad.”
“But you’re not all like that… I like to talk to you because you’re funny, and you try your best to help people, and… And you’re passionate about the things you like, so even when I say it’s annoying, I still like to listen to you talk about things I don’t really care about, you know?”
“So, Len, you’re saying that even if I can be annoying, there are so many good things about me that outweigh the things that are hard to deal with? Well, let me tell you this, even if things get hard, you know, it’s not your fault in the first place, and second of all, there’s so much more to like about you than there is to hate. I know I like to tease you and all, but trust me that I’m being one hundred percent serious when I say that I like playing games with you because you can get so competitive that I’m dying to see who wins, and I like seeing you so excited after you do because whenever you’re happy, and don’t tell anyone I said this, you really light up a room.”
Len was still crying, but it was different. Instead of a hopeless melancholic expression in his eyes, they were glistening with a kind of ease.
Rin continued, “I like learning how to sing and dance to our new songs, even if it’s a painstaking process, because once we finally get to do it on stage, we get to do it together, and that is unbelievably fun. I like it when we go to arcades and you can just name off all the history of even the oldest ones there, because you’re clearly having fun, and that makes me have fun. I like your jokes, I like how you always want to make sure everything’s fair when it matters, I like how honest you are, I like how much you love those you care about, I like how willing you are to ask for help, and I like how even when you’re scared, you always find a way to get your courage up and do whatever you’re nervous about. Hell, even though it’s not fun, I could say I like sitting here with you, late at night, comforting you, because I know that one day, you’re going to be able to easily smile again, and that makes me happy. The point is, I like you , Len. I love you, you’re my brother after all.”
Len wiped his tears as he laughed weakly, “Thanks, Rin. I love you, too.”
Rin held out her arms, and Len nodded his head. She pulled him into a tight hug, making sure to stay there until he was finally ready to pull away. Once he did, he tried to keep his composure, but his face scrunched up as tears began to fall again.
“I don’t know why I’m crying…” He chuckled again.
“I think that’s just your natural reaction to any kind of strong emotion. I- I mean, not in a bad way or anything!”
Len’s throat was hoarse, “Yeah, it really is…”
“Hey, do you want water or anything?” Rin asked.
“Well… Yeah, but I don’t really want to be alone…”
“Then come with me!”
“Okay…”
Rin climbed out of the top bunk and watched as Len slowly made his way down, too. Rin turned on the lights as they made their way to the kitchen. Len ended up pouring himself sweet tea instead of just water; it was his favorite drink, and he deserved it. Rin got herself some orange juice, and grabbed some snacks from the pantry.
“Why don’t we watch a movie or something?” Rin asked.
“But, it’s so late…”
“I mean, we’re already awake, aren’t we? We can go back to sleep if you want, but I don’t know if that’ll be all that easy.”
“True…” Len thought for a moment, “Can we watch the new Spider Man movie?”
“Alright.”
“Wait, you don’t like Spider Man.”
Rin put her hands on her hips, “Hey, you’re the one who’s upset!”
“But you matter too! You know you can talk to me, right?”
“Yeah, I know, but the thing is, whenever I get upset about something, I really don’t wallow in it. If I get to feeling really bad, I’ll go to you, or Mom or Dad, or Miku or Luka, but whenever I get upset about something irrational, I just remind myself that it’s not rational, take a deep breath, and move on. Soon enough, I’ll forget about it.” Rin explained.
“Man, I wish I could do that.”
“One day, you will! But, I promise you, you’ll know if I’m feeling sad, okay?”
Len smiled, “Alright. So, what do you want to watch?”
“Well if you’re in the mood for superhero movies, can we watch ‘The LEGO Batman Movie’?”