Archive of Our Own ^beta

Pipeta careened into the lab, sparks shooting out from the brakes on her wheeled shoes. She grabbed the lab counter for support as she skidded to a halt. “Papa Beaker?”

“Yes, darling?”

Pipeta spun around in a circle, flashing a bright smile. “Why don’t positrons get annihilated by the electron clouds during gamma decay?”

Beaker’s eyes widened. He stifled a chuckle. “You know, most kids your age would be asking questions like, ‘Why is the sky blue?’”

Pipeta nodded. “I’m not most kids, though.”

“That’s right,” Beaker agreed, running a hand through his hair. “You aren’t.”

“So why don’t they?” Pipeta persisted. “You know gamma decay turns a proton into a neutron and releases a positron—”

“Yes, of course—”

“—but it has to pass through the electron cloud to get out of the atom, doesn’t it?”

“Well, I believe it does… To tell you the truth, I didn’t look much into antimatter when I took physics. Mainly stuck to the basics. Bunsen, dear, you took particle physics, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Bunsen walked across the lab and set down a box of glassware. “What does my darling girl want to know about now?”

Pipeta’s cameras flashed on. Some people were unsettled by the glaring red lights that would consume her eyespots, but Bunsen and Beaker grew to love them. To them, it meant she was exhibiting her scientist’s curiosity. “I was wondering why positrons don’t get annihilated by the electron cloud. How can they make it out of the atom?”

Bunsen hummed. “That’s a good question. Now, you know, electrons don’t have a fixed, pinpointable position—”

“Due to wave-particle duality.” Pipeta smiled, swiveling back and forth. She loved quantum mechanics.

“But there’s only a finite number of them in the cloud, and there’s a lot of empty space. So the probability of the positron colliding with the electron is very low. It could technically collide with the electron, but it’s not likely to.”

“Ohh!” Pipeta’s eyes widened. “That makes sense!”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Glad it makes sense to you,” Beaker muttered. “To be perfectly honest, it’s all Greek to me.”

Bunsen tittered, pecking Beaker’s cheek. “You’ll get it in time, my love. Antimatter’s wonderfully fascinating, isn’t it?”

“It is!” Pipeta’s processors whirred with joy. “It’s incredible how they can just annihilate each other—and turn into photons!”

“Indeed. And other particles, too; neutrons and protons and more… they’ve made anti-hydrogen before, as I’m sure you know.”

“Mm-hmm! Wait—if they’ve made anti-hydrogen… could they make anti-oxygen too? Could we make—” Pipeta gasped. “Anti-water?” Her processing unit soared to life as she imagined the possibilities. Water that would explode when coming into contact with other water—it was incredible!

“Well, I suppose they could… but oxygen has a good deal more protons and neutrons than hydrogen, hmm? It’d be an awfully expensive venture to undertake.”

“But still, it would be so cool…”

Bunsen chuckled, wrapping an arm around Beaker’s shoulders. “I can’t fault you on that logic.”

“Wait,” Pipeta said. “We have a lab. Can we make anti-water here? Now? Please, please please please?”

Beaker’s eyes widened. “I don’t think we have the right equipment, sweetie—”

“We can build it. I know we can. C’mon, just a few molecules?”

“It would take a lot of money,” Bunsen said. “And a lot of time and energy.”

“I don’t mind,” Pipeta said. Lasers flashed inside her stomach. “I wanna see anti-water, please please please.”

Bunsen patted her shoulder, giving her a fond smile. “Not today.”

“Aww…” Pipeta pouted. They could make anti-water, she knew they could. It just needed a little time… but her dads were willing to give up before they even started. “You guys are no fun.”

“We’re just being realistic,” Beaker said.

“But—but we’re Muppet Labs! When has anything we’ve ever done been realistic? We can invent anything, if we just set our mind to it—”

Bunsen quirked an eyebrow. “You know what? She’s right. When has the impossible ever stopped us?”

Beaker’s eyes widened. “You’re actually listening to her? Bunsen!”

“We could make a particle accelerator in the lab, and do a few other things…”

Pipeta nodded eagerly. “Yes, yes!”

“And then we could finish by pouring it into water, and then the whole building would explode! Now wouldn’t that be something—”

“I believe Kermit kindly asked us to not do any more radioactivity experiments in the theatre. You know, after last time.”

“Last time was an accident,” Bunsen and Pipeta said in unison.

Beaker shook his head with a laugh. “I can see exactly where she gets it from.”