Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You’re not forcing me to read all of these, are you?” Loki said incredulously. 

“Yup,” Mobius said, plopping a hefty and impressive stack of tan files onto Loki’s section of the library table they were currently occupying. “One-hundred and seventy-two glorious files on one-hundred and seventy-two gamma ray burst related apocalypses. Read away.” 

Loki huffed out an irritated sigh. “And if I said no?” 

“Then you’ll be really bored, I guess,” Mobius said, smirking. 

“I’d be really bored either way,” Loki said. 

“If you don’t read them, then I’ll have to, and we’ll be stuck here longer,” Mobius said, breathing out a small puff as he sat in his chair. “These are the last stacks, don’t give up on me now.” 

Loki glanced at the generous stack of paper that resided neatly on Mobius’s part of the table. 

“Fine,” he muttered. 

“Chop chop, then. Sooner we get done, the better,” Mobius said. “I’m an analyst, and you’re working with me, it’s all part of the job, so loosen up a little.”

Loki cracked his knuckles and picked up the first file from the pile. It read: XY99821 Gamma Ray Event. How enticing. 

“We have been at this for fifty three hours now,” he said, glimpsing at the nearest analog clock. Time may have worked differently in the TVA, but at least the hour and minute system remained somewhat familiar. “I think I’m allowed to be a smidge exhausted from it. It’s quite tedious.”

“Tedious schmedious. You’ve said that at least fifteen times now, I get it,” Mobius said. “And hey, at least we get breaks.”

“Yeah,” Loki said, “seventeen marvelous minutes just for ourselves, every what? Seven hours?” 

Mobius shrugged. “I think it’s fair.”

“Yeah, of course you do, you’ve worked here all your life. In the eyes of an outsider, seventeen minutes is an absolutely ludicrous maximum amount of time allowed to be spent in the cafeteria,” Loki said. 

“That’s a good point, I mean, to someone who’s lived as long as you, it must feel like a blink,” Mobius said. “Working, blink, working again, blink, so on and so forth.” 

“You’ve lived quite an expansive life yourself, you know.” 

Mobius stretched in his chair with a low groan. “Of course I know. It hardly feels like it, though. Time works— well, you know how time works here.” 

“Painfully so. To be honest it can be quite disorienting,” Loki said. 

And it certainly could be. He’d managed to stay awake for a whopping fifty three hours straight, but it felt more like months. Loki was exhausted, staring at white sheets of paper for the equivalent of a couple days would do that to anyone. He knew there were dark bags under his eyes, as he’d noticed them in the bathroom mirror during their latest break. If Mobius had noticed as well, he didn’t say anything, at least not yet. Loki’s skin was pallid, as well, more than usual, and he wasn’t freezing, but he was chilly, which was odd, given his heritage and stark resistance to the cold. It was weird, he’d never felt quite like this. 

The TVA itself hadn’t gotten any colder, because it didn’t exactly have weather, so he ruled that out. The other option was that there was an issue with him, but he refused to accept it. He was fine, just tired. A couple or so hours left, and they’d be done, and he could, hopefully, be free to nap. And maybe he’d actually get something to eat in the cafeteria, because he hadn’t done that in awhile, either. 

“You’ll get used to it,” Mobius said. 

“I don’t plan on it,” Loki mumbled, scratching mindlessly at the corner of his mouth. 

“What are you planning on, then? Freeing yourself from the harrowing bore of the TVA?” Mobius said. “Had enough of me already?” 

“I’m planning on reading these files,” Loki said, meeting Mobius’s eyes with an annoyed raised brow. 

“Enough chit-chat, then,” Mobius said, rubbing his hands together. “Let the reading commence.” 

“Agreed,” Loki said. 

And they read. And read. And read. Loki was maybe a quarter away through his stack when he finally looked back up, cracking his neck and rolling his stiff shoulders. He looked back over to the clock on the wall, which informed him defeatedly that only thirty minutes had passed. He glanced at Mobius’s stack, taking note of his progress. The analyst was working faster than Loki, a good halfway through his stack. 

The whole reading part, Loki had noticed, became quite hard the more time that passed. He often found himself rereading paragraphs over and over again before he finally understood them. It was surely the only reason that Mobius was so far ahead. There was a faint ticking from the clock on the wall, and the repetitive noise made Loki clench his jaw agitatedly. The ambient buzz of the fluorescent lights was driving him insane as well, it was so loud. Gods, he needed some sleep. 

Loki picked up the files from his ‘read’ stack and shuffled them neatly. He put those to the side, and picked up the next on the ‘to be read’ stack. 

Otipatia C Gamma Ray Extinction Event, is what the title read. 

Loki rubbed his eyes and slipped the first page out of the file, then he began reading. He hardly understood a word, finding instead that the letters seemed to shift and wobble around on the paper, and his eyelids weighed a ton. There was also a peculiar dizziness accompanying his exhaustion, and whenever he closed his eyes, the feeling increased tenfold, so he opted simply not to. Loki was fighting a losing battle, however, as his eyelids often fell closed automatically, and when he opened them, he had to wait a second for the blurriness in his vision to depart before he could even begin to start reading again. 

He couldn’t help but to think of warmth— to reminisce. The Asgardian sun shining down upon him as he lounged on a palace balcony, popping the occasional grape into his mouth. His eyes fell closed as he basked in the memory. They had only been shut for a few seconds, and he was slowly drifting into the sweet allure of sleep, before the sensation of his head lolling forward jerked himself back awake. 

“Sleepy?” Mobius said. 

“I’m fine,” Loki muttered, blinking away the tiredness rapidly. 

It came back again, a few seconds later, and when he cracked his eyes open, he was startled to find Mobius standing right next to him. 

“Come on, let’s take a walk,” the analyst said, patting Loki on the back of his shoulder. 

“It’s not break time,” Loki protested. 

“I think it’ll be alright,” Mobius said. “Let’s go, just to the cafeteria and back. Won’t take that long.” 

“Fine,” Loki said begrudgingly. 

Standing up as quickly as he did was a huge mistake. Immediately, his head swam, and a loud buzz droned in his ears. Black spots danced in his vision, and lingered around the edges. He listed dangerously to the left, so far that he had to throw out a foot to catch himself before he could crash into the table. 

This wasn’t normal, this was far from normal, in fact. It scared him. He just stood up too fast, it would pass, surely. 

“Woah, are you okay?” Mobius said from somewhere to the right of him. 

His voice was dampened by the buzz, which had turned into a faint ringing by then. 

Loki swallowed thickly. “Fine— I’m fine,” he said, heartbeat thundering in his ears. 

It was more of a reassurance to himself rather than Mobius. 

The ringing had swelled into a deafening, shrill symphony. Loki swayed on his feet, attempting to catch his breath, whilst holding up a finger signaling Mobius to wait. 

There was a brilliant white creeping along the edges of the world, tunneling his vision inward, and Loki could feel his heart stuttering in his chest. He darted his tongue across his dry lips, breathing in and out through his nose. 

Then, the white engulfed his entire vision, merciless, and the ringing overwhelmed every other sound in a crashing wave. Loki somehow felt hot and cold at the same time, a rather dreadful sensation, he decided. The dizziness warped his perception, and he tilted backward, unrecoverably, falling at this point. 

Loki thought that maybe someone was holding him up, talking to him, calling his name, but he couldn’t be sure. 

He wasn’t certain when it happened, but his eyes were closed, therefore he assumed dreamily it must be safe to sleep, so he did, and everything, even the ringing, faded into blissful nothingness. 

ⴵⴵⴵ

Loki stated solidly that he was fine, but Mobius knew obviously that he was lying. It was a bad lie too, he could see with his own two eyes that Loki wasn’t faring too hot. If you’re the God of Lies and you’re gonna lie, at least try to make it convincing. 

For starters, he was pale, really pale, and on top of that, he was swaying like an unsteady drunkard. Mobius could hear him breathing too, far too quickly, raggedly. The god was holding up a shaking finger for Mobius to wait, and he did, although cautiously, attentively. 

Then, not that much longer later, Loki was falling backwards, and he was not attempting to catch himself. 

“Jesus— Loki!” Mobius moved quickly to catch him under the arms, swearing under his breath, slowly lowering Loki to the carpeted floor. 

“Loki, what in the world is going on, pal?” Mobius said, crouching next to Loki’s unconscious body. 

“Loki. Hey, Loki!” he said, patting his partner gently on the cheek, trying to rouse him. 

Loki fluttered his eyes open just a few seconds later, and Mobius breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“Rise and shine, buddy,” Mobius said.

“What…” Loki croaked, attempting to sit up. 

Mobius stopped him with a palm to the chest, signaling him to stay down. “Don’t move just yet,” he said. 

“What happened?” Loki said. “Why am I on the floor?” 

“Call it a hunch, but I think you just fainted,” Mobius said, patting Loki on the shoulder. 

“Fainted…” Loki repeated, sitting on the word for a few seconds. “Oh gods, that was embarrassing… did anyone see?” 

Mobius chuckled. “No, just me.” 

Loki rubbed his face and tried to sit up again. 

“Ah— take it slow,” Mobius warned, placing a hand on the god’s back as he, although reluctantly, heeded his word. 

Mobius’s hand remained, even after Loki had sat up all the way. “Alright now, you wanna tell me what’s going on?” 

“Uh, to be honest Mobius, I don’t really know,” Loki said. 

Mobius sucked his teeth. “Okay, guess we’re gonna have to play a little detective here.” 

“Please don’t—” 

“Let’s see… this whole thing started because I wanted to take a walk, and you stood up to join me, yes?” Mobius said. 

Loki groaned. “Fine. Yes, yes it did.” 

“And I wanted to do that to wake you up a little, you were practically dead on your feet.” 

“Yes— alright, I was tired. That wouldn’t make me faint, though, now would it?” Loki said. 

Mobius shook his head. “No it wouldn’t, which is why I wanted to bring this up—“

“Bring what up—“

“Can you tell me the last time you ate, Loki? Properly ate?” Mobius said, looking Loki directly in the eyes. 

Loki stared for a moment before he turned his head away. “I, uhm… not since we began this little research spree, I don’t think.” 

Mobius snapped his fingers. “There we have it, folks. Case closed.” 

“You’re telling me I fainted because I haven’t eaten in a couple days?” Loki said, hunching forward to place his elbows on his knees. 

“That, and the fact that you haven’t slept either,” Mobius said. “You might be a god, Loki, but you have a very mortal body, and you need to take care of it.” 

“Why has this never happened to me before, then?” Loki inquired. 

“Could it possibly have something to do with the lack of magic here in the TVA?” Mobius said, raising an amused brow. 

Loki’s eyes widened and he pressed his lips into a pale line. “Shit, you’re right.”

“Yup,” Mobius said, patting Loki on the back. “Come on, partner, let’s get some food in you.”  

Mobius stood up with a grunt, offering a hand down to Loki. He took it, and Mobius pulled him to his feet, only letting go of the god’s hand when he knew he was steady, and even then, he was reluctant to. 

“Can you walk?” Mobius asked softly. 

“Yes, I can walk,” Loki retorted, but not nearly as harshly as he could’ve, a hint of amusement softening his words. 

And they walked, slowly through the halls, while Mobius kept an attentive eye on Loki. The only sound filling the delicate silence was the click of two pairs of shoes against tile, until Mobius eventually spoke up. 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna swing by medical and let them have a look at you?” he asked. 

“I’m positive, Mobius. I’m okay.” Loki said 

And he certainly seemed to be, except for the slight uncertainty in his steps, and his pallid skin, and the dark bags under his eyes— but maybe he should just stop worrying. Loki would be fine, Mobius would do anything, including dragging him all the way to medical, if that’s what it took. He would do anything. 

Mobius inhaled softly with realization. Oh god, he cared about Loki. Deeply cared about him. He wanted his partner to be okay and healthy, he hated to see him so weak and vulnerable. Loki wasn’t meant to be like this, he was robust, cunning, and gorgeous… There was a word for this, Mobius realized, but it was a dangerous one. A word better left unsaid, because what business did he have loving Loki? 

The movement of Loki’s hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose coaxed Mobius from his thoughts. He watched the god carefully, reading his expression. 

“You okay?” Mobius’s voice was gentler than he intended. 

“I’m alright. Just a headache,” Loki said, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a brief smile. 

Nothing more was said until they reached the cafeteria. Mobius followed Loki around the room, suggesting something rich in protein and vitamins, and not sweet and sugary like the slice of chocolate cake he initially picked out. A few moments of playful bickering later, and Loki eventually sat down with a plate of grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli. 

They were halfway through their plates, Mobius treating himself to a slice of key lime pie, when Loki finally spoke up. 

“I just, uh, wanted to say thank you,” Loki said. “For looking out for me.” 

Mobius sat his spoon down with a small clink. “Of course. You’re my partner,” he said, “can't have you fainting on me like that, god forbid it happened out on the field.” 

Loki nodded. “Yeah, god forbid,” he said, looking down at his plate to stab a piece of broccoli wistfully with his fork. 

Mobius sighed. “Okay, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “Loki. Look at me.” 

And Loki did, hesitantly, slightly annoyed, with tired eyes, and it broke Mobius’s heart. 

“I care about you,” Mobius said, “not just because you’re my partner—“

“Mobius, it’s all right—“

“But also because you’re my friend,” Mobius said, staring into Loki’s eyes. 

And he looked deeper, he really searched his eyes, his face, because Mobius knew Loki, and he knew that he was scared to open himself up to anyone who even remotely threw a little kindness his way. He looked for any indication of a green light, because Mobius adored this man, and he wanted to smother him with all that regressed devotion, to show him what it really felt like to be loved. The kind of love that’s an action, the kind that burns in a sort of divine way. Mobius had never been young, but he felt young, sitting at that table, buzzing with adoration, staring into those beautiful green eyes. 

And Mobius saw that green light, a softening of the other’s features, and yet he hesitated, because he’s a variant for crying out loud, and he’s… Loki. A Loki, the Loki, dare he say his Loki. 

Loki was speechless, throat bobbing as he swallowed. 

“Eat your goddamn broccoli,” are the words Mobius eventually settled on. “Then you’re having a nap.”

Loki stabbed another helpless piece of vegetable. “I am not—“ 

“Loki Laufeyson you are taking a nap and that is an order,” Mobius said. 

And to his surprise, Loki laughed, genuinely. “Oh gods, you’re treating me like a tall, angry toddler,” he said. “This is ridiculous, am I being ridiculous?” 

“I have actually seen toddler versions of you, and believe me, they’re like herding rambunctious cats,” Mobius said. “You're not being ridiculous. You’re my Loki, I know how to handle you.” 

Loki snickered and looked away. Mobius pretended not to notice the light blush across his cheeks. 

“Actually, a nap sounds lovely, now that I think about it,” Loki said, and as if to prove his point, he punctuated with a yawn. 

“There, I win,” Mobius said. 

“You do not.” 

“I absolutely do,” Mobius said. “Eat your food before it gets cold.” 

Loki rolled his eyes and stuck the fork-full of broccoli he had accumulated into his mouth. Mobius continued eating his pie, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence. Sure, he didn’t physically show his love through direct words or a declaration, but it was there, hiding in his tone, in his eyes, and little gestures; it was prospering like a plant might, ready to blossom. 

But not yet, Mobius told himself. Not until he was sure. Until then, he’d keep watering it, and he really hoped that Loki liked flowers. 

ⴵⴵⴵ

Not a sound, but a gentle feeling, a touch of warmth, something genuine and beautiful. Loki cracked his eyes open, relishing in the light, fake light, produced by the TVA, he’d soon come to realize, but he could pretend it was real, close his eyes again for just a little while longer.

Asgardian summers, never too hot, but the kind of warmth that soothes the soul. He’d lounge in that gentle sun, lie in perfectly green, soft grass, and his brother would lie next to him. They would laugh, back before anything horrible had happened, when his father still had that sparkling glint in his eye, before glorious purpose. Before his mother died. Before Thor had to mourn him for another, final time. 

But right now, in this memory, Thor was giggling about some peasant rumor, his eyes were full of childish light, Frigga was watching them from the palace, and everything was perfect. No Thanos, no Time-Keepers, just the mellow sun, and the damp grass. In this memory, he wasn’t a shadow, but a child who was loved, and Loki mourned the fact that he didn’t see it, not until it was too late, not until he ruined it all.  

Then the Asgardian sun faded, and Loki broke down with an anguished sob. 

But soon enough there was someone else, gathering Loki up into a hug, stroking his hair, whispering sweet little encouragements. Someone with white hair, shining eyes, and a smile that could kill, who was a savvy bastard and absolutely knew it. Someone who cared for him, outwardly, who was never frightened by him, who stuck by his side like glue and defended him like law. Loki clung to Mobius as if he was the only thing keeping him alive, and he might as well have been. His chest hitched with a sob and deflated with a pitiful wail, sucking in another desperate breath just to repeat the process all over again. 

The warmth never left, Loki came to realize, it just changed, into a feeling he didn’t yet completely understand. 

Loki’s shoulders shook as he continued crying silently, because it was the feeling of being cared for once again, of being loved, and his ability to realize it, that struck him with a staggering grief unlike anything he’d ever felt before. 

Because he was finally loved and cherished, but he didn’t deserve it. He couldn’t be, could never be, not after everything he had done. It was soul-crushing, excruciating, hopeless. 

“I’m unlovable,” Loki cried. 

“Shh, you’ve never even given yourself the chance,” Mobius told him. “Let me prove you wrong.” 

And just like that every horrible thing melted away, all the grief and pain, everything. It was him and Mobius, and the past slinked away like a cowering beast. The sun peeked over the horizon. Flowers bloomed in the fields. 

Loki took a deep breath in, and taught himself how to compose symphonies from the sound of hopefulness. 

He blinked away the tears and conjured an ensemble. 

The solid presence of Mobius’s hands on his back, and the sound of his breathing, invoked an orchestra. 

Loki faced the music, and this time, he learned how to listen.