Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I don’t know what I despise more; those moments where I simply feel way to much or those moments where I don’t feel anything at all. It seemed that depending on which one I suffered from at the time I always decided I liked the other alternative better.

At the moment I stood in the small upstairs bathroom designated wholly to me as I grip the old ceramic sink tightly. I couldn’t help but glower into the mirror displayed inches in front of me. Right now happened to be one of those luckless instants where there were merely too many emotions running through me. Anxiety, self-loathing, vulnerability, terror, angst, apprehension, panic, helplessness, anger, and so on as the list continues on for what seemed like an eternity. None of these cruel emotions would let go of me from its malevolent grasp.

The mass of over feeling is, plain and simple, just too much. It’s overwhelming. It makes me feel physically sick and my head ready to explode. Hell, I feel ready to explode. There isn’t an ounce of me that isn’t filled with complete negativity. Even now, staring in the mirror, I detest what I see. The pale skin, narrow nose, thin lips, sharp cheek bones, furrowed eyebrows, wide distraught green eyes, dark circles, and pale blonde hair that’s just fucking everywhere.

I more than hate myself; I completely and utterly despise myself. I am repulsive. I hate Tweek god damn fucking Tweak with a burning passion. Why am I so ugly? Why am I so stupid? Why is my brain so messed up? Why am I just so broken?

I want release.

I want to be free from all the pain, inner turmoil, and simply life itself. I crave death with an unhealthy hunger. The sweet seduction of suicide and eternal blackness is irresistible.
After a long few minutes of staring in the mirror I finally tear my eyes away to look down on the sinks rim where four razor blades rested, awaiting its sacred ritual of emancipation. I am too much of a coward to kill myself but not too much of one that I was afraid to harm myself.

With a steady determination and practiced ease I thrust my olive green sweater sleeves up, revealing two disfigured arms that I regarded with sick pleasure and approval.
I used to feel sickened and uneasy at the sight of my two scarred arms, I would be disgusted and horrified at the pain I more than willingly subjected myself to. After months and months passed, eventually years, I was able to regard the scarring and fresh wounds with an estranged appreciation. This is physical proof of the inner wrath I went through every day. It makes my struggles tangible, that maybe I’m not quite so crazy.

More than anything else the release from splitting open your own skin and watching blood grace you with its presence was more than enough to convince you the scars were worthy collateral. The emotions fighting within me to break free would only be able to reach its dismissal with this forbidden act and it absolutely thrilled me.

Yes, I am feeling too much, I am explicitly broken but I have the power to fix it myself. I don’t need to depend on overbearing therapists or medication that is ultimately trying to brainwash you. All I have to do is give in to the blades sweet kiss and I would be free from all this pain. I would feel right again, I won’t feel so fucking broken. I will be almost normal. All I truly want is to be normal.

It’s a solution to all my problems. It’s the perfect solution.

Without a moment of hesitation I grabbed the sharpest instrument and fine-tuned it to the perfect location on my pale delicate skin. I couldn’t even feel the pain as a relative sized laceration presented itself on my arm between the dark puckered skin of a particularly bad scar and a shallow healing cut from only days ago.

Some days one incision wasn’t enough but today wasn’t one of those days and with a relieved sigh I fell back and sat on the side of the bath tub. All negative thoughts and emotions were gone and I felt almost whole, just almost. Blood slipped its way down my forearm and pooled in my palm where I caught it to prevent too badly of a mess. The blood used to freak me out.

The first time I had self-harmed it was practically an accident, performed subconsciously in a moment of insanity, and the sight of the blood made me so sick that I fainted. An hour or so later my mother had found me, freaked out thinking I tried to kill myself at the sight of my slashed wrists from broken glass and rushed me to the ER.

After a long aggravating week of suicide watch, increased therapy appointments and new medication the incident was relatively disregarded as my parents foolishly thought I was suddenly better and that it would never happen again. Little did they know that incident triggered a whole new intoxicating game used to help mask the severity of my problems and help me cope with the pain of the harsh realities of the world.

Trapped in ghoulish reveries I spend another few minutes sitting there on the edge of my bathtub as I watched my thick creamy blood pool together. My previously heavy breathing is now even and calm. I feel as if I’m in a serene trance of tranquility. Oh how I loved sweet, sweet release.

My phone going off forced me to finally get up and rinse the gore down the drain. I turned on the sink and carefully placed my arm underneath, watching the clear water tinge pink and run free. Once the majority of the blood was cleared I swiped the injury clean with an alcohol wipe and then stuck a gauze pad on the cut and quickly wrapped it with a bandage. The injury isn’t near deep enough to require stitches, but I’m always super paranoid of any fresh cuts developing infections or getting ripped open deeper so I would always be sure to properly disinfect and bandage the wounds.

Once I was satisfied with my bandaging job I picked up my ancient silver flip phone and opened my texts to find that my mom texted me.

Mom: I need you to come in to the shop ASAP.

I groan at the text and then groan once again with the realization that the text was sent three minutes ago. That meant-

Right on its usual punctual time my cell phone let out a shrill ring that made me cringe. Muttering every curse word imaginable underneath my breath I reluctantly pressed the answer button. “Yes m-mom?”

“Tweek? Are you okay? Did you see my text? Did anything happen? Do I need to come home? Should I call 911 for you?” My mom’s shrill panicked voice is nothing new. On every occasion she texted me if there isn’t an immediate reply exactly three minutes later she’d call demanding to know the same thing every single god damn time. To claim this was annoying would be the greatest understatement known to man. Thankfully she usually doesn’t text me often.

“Augh, Mom! I’m f-fine. Jesus! I was in t-the bathroom.” I reluctantly grumble.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I repeatedly assured her until she finally dropped the subject. “Well that’s good. Tell me if anything is wrong.” The messed up thing is that she doesn’t actually want to hear if anything is wrong. She wants to play the role of a good mother but she doesn’t want to carry through with it. “Are you going to be at the shop soon? Your father and I need you to hurry in.”

“Let me just get d-dressed then I’ll be t-there. Why do I need to c-come in? It’s yours and d-dad’s shift.” I was already reluctantly making my way into my room and pulling out my work clothes from my closet. There was a cringe worthy list of reasons why they could possibly need me to come in.

Surprise pointless family ‘meetings’(which really means there’s a new coffee bean we all need to try), sales at the grocery store they couldn’t give up, emergency date or even if they wanted to just go home and take a nap were apparently justifiable reasons to ditch out on work. My parents are just off like that.

“Oh well, yes dear.” Her hesitant airy tone of voice disclosed to me what she was doing. I’m starting to get sick of the predictability of everyday life. Just like always this isn’t the first time what she was doing was happening and I steeled myself for a conversation we’ve had several times.

“Where are you guys g-going now?” I couldn’t help but sigh in frustration. Today’s occasion would be a surprise family trip, sans their only child. On the other side of the phone my mother giggled.

I could never understand how if I didn’t respond to a text within three minutes my mother would freak out but she and her husband thought it was completely reasonable to go off on trips all the time leaving me home alone for days, sometimes weeks to manage their coffee shop all alone. Honestly I don’t even care. I don’t have anything better to do and the distraction of working was fine with me.

It gets kind of annoying when my parents are home. Summer is also a solid month from ending so it’s not a big deal that I’ll have to work all the time. My only worry is of someone trying to break into the house or something but my parents claim we have a security system. I’ve never seen this security system in action so I highly doubt it.

“Oh well you see your father’s friend…” Once she started rambling the much too long pointless story on where she was going and why, I tuned out, put the phone down and got changed. When I picked the phone back up a few minutes later adorning a long sleeve white shirt and simple black pants my mother is still talking.

“Mom,” I sharply snap to catch her attention. “That’s c-cool and all but I’m r-ready to leave s-so I have to gah-go so I c-can get to the shop, alright?” On the other line the woman hummed airily.

“Oh, right, right, alright sweetie. That McCormick boy just arrived so your Father and I are going to take off now. You’ll be okay staying home right? You’re a big boy. You remember where we keep all the money right?” Sometimes I think she thinks I’m still twelve or something.

“God, yes! It’s in the safe and yes I remember the combination.” I sat down on my bed and prepared myself to spend the next ten minutes reassuring my mom that even after staying home alone countless times I would be fine. After several minutes I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Right, JESUS. L-Look you and dad have to c-come home and get packed for your t-trip, remember? I’ll be okay. I’ll c-call you if there a-are any p-problems. I need to get to the s-shop, remember?” A delicate ‘oh’ was audible through the speaker of the phone.

After going over details we’ve already discussed I finally managed to hang up. My mother isn’t normal. She’s been on the same heavy medication for the last ten years and they make her airy and she’s never actually fully there. I used to loather her for cursing me with my own list of mental disabilities but over time it was hard to hate the woman who was so innocent and childlike. The woman really just lives in her own world. But I guess I do that too.

“God damn dumb psychopath.” I end up muttering to myself despite my previous thoughts about being unable to hate her. Even if I couldn’t hate her she still made me frustratingly angry. Both my mom and my dad are extremely weird. I guess I was at least vaguely appreciative that my mother cared enough to be strangely over protective, at times. It’s easy to say that neither of them is going to win the “parent-of-the-year” award.

I bound down the stairs and at the bottom shoved my feet into their respective boots before throwing the door open and heading outside. I take my time walking to work and indulge in on a cigarette as I go. The nicotine sent pulsating, calming waves through me that I thoroughly appreciate.

Several minutes later I’m in downtown South Park and walking through the back door of Tweek Bros Coffee. In the backroom that functioned as our storage, locker room and break room I grabbed my apron, name tag and quickly put them on. When I exited the back and entered the area of the actual shop, Kenny McCormick sat on the counter with a handful of Splenda packets in his hand as he tossed them across the room onto a table next to one of the shops many windows.

As the door swung shut Kenny turned to look over his shoulder at me. “Well, well, well! Tweek fucking Tweek Tweak. How are you doing man?” Kenny hops off the counter, throwing the Splenda down, so he could drape a casual arm around my shoulder. I can’t help but cry out in panicked surprise from Kenny’s touch and automatically duck out of his grasp.

My parents hired Kenny to work at our coffee shop last summer when they decided I shouldn’t work any shifts alone, and since that day assigned him as my ‘shift buddy’. Secretly though we would often split our joined shifts so we’d have to work half as much for the same pay. More often than not we chose to actually work together for the simple company.

Kenny McCormick is in many ways extremely dangerous and should be regarded with caution. First of all he’s dangerously popular, dangerously attractive and dangerously nice. All three of those things in my eyes came with a big ol’ flashing warning sign.

Kenny from the start of working at Tweak Bros declared himself my new ‘best friend’ and even after a year he never cast me to the side, much to my surprise. For the first month he had been annoyingly persistent, constantly calling my phone (my parents had given him my number) and always bothering me to hang out with him. A few times we did actually hang out but that was due to the fact he invited himself to my house and forced his way into my fortress of solitude, aka my room.

As time passed though he thankfully realized I truly needed my space and while he never truly left me alone we managed to fall into a weird almost friendship that I sometimes really appreciated. I mean it’s not like I want friends because I don’t. I used to have friends but now I don’t for a reason. Friends are complicated and hard. But then there’s Kenny, I guess.

Kenny is just annoyingly nice.

“I’m f-fine.” I mutter stubbornly, in regards to Kenny’s question while not wishing to elaborate. Kenny stared at me for a moment and he just somehow magically knew I wasn’t fine. I don’t know how he did it but Kenny always seemed to read your mind and could dissect your deepest and darkest secrets with just a glance. My favorite part about Kenny McCormick though was that he didn’t push it… usually.

“Alright, nice! If you want to have a nice long talk about feelings I’d love to listen.” I groan as Kenny winks. “The ladies tell me I’m a fantastic listener. I mean how else you think I’ve fuck-“I quickly speak up to interrupt Kenny. I don’t need to be hearing about his sex life, again. The fourth dangerous thing about Kenny would be his notorious ‘playboy’ reputation. It’s no secret that Kenny would fuck anyone and everyone, regardless of gender.

“I t-think I’m g-good!” I screech as Kenny tried to put his arm around my shoulder once again. Kenny is also one touchy fucker. I push myself past him so I could get to the espresso machine to make myself one extra-large, extra strong coffee. Every day I need lots of caffeine but days I was dealing with Kenny required an extra dosage.

“Y’sure Tweeky? We could even cuddle and-“ Thankfully I’m saved from Kenny’s harassment when the front door swings open and a prep from North Park walked in. From the way Kenny straightened up and a different kind of smile graced his face I knew this was one of his customers. I busied myself with my coffee as Kenny ushered the teenager into the back room.

Reason number five to why Kenny McCormick is extremely dangerous: he’s the local high school drug dealer.

It used to bother me that Kenny continued his side business at the coffee shop but now I really didn’t care. The added fact that after much convincing I began partaking in such activity helped. The discovery that smoking weed did wonders to help me mentally is actually a blessing. To be completely honest there were several times I was ready to give in to death and getting high prevented me from committing the unthinkable.

I had just finished making my coffee when the backdoor opened and Kenny’s head popped out. He raised his eyebrows with an easy smile and I knew what he was silently asking. Without having to say a word I grabbed my coffee and entered the backroom. The North Park prep is holding a dark blue pipe and is currently loading a bowl. The smell of marijuana hit me and I breathe in the strangely delectable scent with a small smile.

Long ago Kenny and I had mastered the art of smoking in the backroom. We have it perfectly set up with fans and filters to funnel the smell directly outside and while it would smell in this room for about half an hour afterwards you couldn’t smell even a hint from outside or in the shop. A bell on the front door notified us when someone showed up and it worked amazingly. Thankfully the smell of weed seems to hardly linger on people and considering the shop smells pretty strongly like coffee we’re in the clear.

We all hang out in relative silence besides the moody music playing quietly off the sound system Kenny had convinced my dad to install six months ago. Once the piece was loaded the pipe and lighter are passed around.

We all settle back on the couches in a relaxed peace. This is one of my favorite parts about smoking weed. Usually everyone is so focused on smoking and getting high that there isn’t a need for real social interaction. I’m free from my overwhelming social anxiety and could instead focus on the relieving mind numbing relaxation that came with the high. Even when we caught ourselves smoking with social smokers Kenny’s a total social butterfly and does all the talking for the both of us. And then even on times I’m forced to talk being high made it bearable, and if I was high enough it was even enjoyable.

Twenty minutes later we hear the sharp ding of the front door opening and I got up to take care of it as Kenny saw the kid out the back door with his ten sack in hand. Admittedly I had grown to love our system. Although in all honesty I was high while working more often than I’d like to admit.

But, in my defense, the social anxiety that came with working with difficult customers could greatly hinder my work and being high became the perfect solution. I mean is it really that big of a deal I’m high every day at work? I’m for the most part still fully functional and I excel at my job, high or not. Being high just took the edge off of it to make it easier. It’s like self-medicating!

Yeah, yeah keep telling yourself that Tweek.

When I walk out behind the counter Kyle Broflovski stood patiently on the other side, studying the menu way too closely. I’ll be honest; I don’t really like Kenny’s friends. Kyle is alright though, he’s polite and that’s all I could ask for really. The thing is I don’t want to be his friend and it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t care to my friend either. All of which is perfectly okay with me, of course.

Kenny’s other friends Stan, Cartman and Butters are another story. Stan is stuck up and biased without even seeming to realize it, Cartman is just straight up a total crazy asshole and then Butters is way too nice. That kid honestly freaks me the hell out! He never shut up and will fallow you around talking for hours if you let him. I swear he secretly wanted something from me but I had no idea what. I used to even be friends with all those guys for a while.

Jesus Christ. Never again.

“H-Hello!” I accidentally greet way too loudly. Kyle jumps slightly and looks up at me with wide emerald eyes that shone with intellectual brilliance. I’m actually really jealous of Kyle. He’s weirdly pretty in that unconventional kind of way where you couldn’t help but stare. Kyle’s also known as one of the smartest kids at South Park high, rivaling the other so-called geniuses such as Token Black and Wendy Testaburger. Everyone for the most part relatively likes Kyle, or at least just about no one hates him. In all those ways he’s my opposite. I might have been able to hate him with a burning jealousy if it wasn’t for the fact he’s actually so damn pleasant.

“Oh, hey Tweek. How are you?” Kyle very politely asks. I try to match his kind smile but it’s hard and I’m pretty sure I just grimace. Oh god. He must hate me now.

“I’m g-good.” I try to say calmly. I take a deep breath and remind myself I had nothing to freak out over. I’m high, my mind is numb, and I feel good. You’re okay Tweek. “How a-are y-you?” Kyle seems to be very distracted as his eyes dart behind me.

“Oh, uh, I’m good.” Yeah, Kyle’s very distracted. When I glance over my shoulder I know why.

Kenny had walked into the room and Kyle can always tell when Kenny’s high and that makes Kyle pissed. The gingers face is beginning to turn increasingly red, his eyebrows are twisting together and his lips pierce together in a grimace. Overall he looks like a red furious flame.

“Hey Tweek, why don’t you go work on unpacking those boxes in the back.” Kenny suggests with casual ease.

Kenny knows how uncomfortable I am with awkward situations and I’m relieved he’s sending me away. I don’t really know why Kyle gets so mad when he catches Kenny high. I suspect Kyle just needs to get over it and try getting high himself so he’d understand why people like it so much. I’m sure Kyle has his own stresses that would purely dissipate with the assistance of sweet ‘ganja’ itself.

For a moment I get distracted by my mental use of the word ganja. The word always makes me giggle, especially when I’m high. When I glance at Kenny he’s staring at me expectantly so I quickly spit out my reply.“Yeah, sure K-Kenny. C-Call me if you need any help,” I scamper off to the backroom to get to work.

Once the door swings closed behind me I let out a loud sigh of relief. Kyle is scary when he’s mad. Once I made the mistake of walking into the back room while Kenny and Kyle were in there even though I knew Kyle was angry at Kenny. It’s safe to say I avoid an angry Kyle like the black plague ever since.

When I glance at the coffee table that sat in between two couches I’m gleeful to see that Kenny had left out two perfectly rolled up joints. I instantly know one of them is for me and the other for him. I’m beyond relieved. Even though I’ve only been smoking weed for about eight months I’ve developed a pretty high tolerance and it took quite a bit to get me properly high. Stressfully knowing an angry Kyle was just past the door was more than enough to encourage me to get higher.

I grab one of the joints and fish a lighter out of my pocket to light it up. Kenny hates sharing joints. I’m glad because otherwise I’d have to wait for him and I was not one for waiting. I move over to the stereo, pump up the volume and settled in to organize boxes of coffee while smoking weed. Considering I’m working, my parents ditched me and I secretly feel pretty depressed I couldn’t be happier.

Chapter Text

Closing time couldn’t have come any sooner. I’m just glad Kenny was working with me today. Once it had reached four PM the shop got really busy. There were several overly difficult customers who would have triggered me into having a panic attack but luckily Kenny came to my rescue.

Kenny had to man the very busy store by himself for a while so I could calm down. Overall it wasn’t the greatest of days. Kenny and I are now currently sweeping the floors and scrubbing the tables clean while music blares loudly around us. We’re once again indulging in smoking for the third time today. We’re even smoking in the main shop area, an occurrence I secretly adored, with the curtains pulled and the fans on which were to be left on overnight.

I hit the pipe then place it down onto the freshly cleaned counter. I watch Kenny scrub the tables with my usual relative annoyance. That blonde haired teenager cannot clean to save his life. I’ve seen his bedroom, and his house, and both were gross.

“Kenny, ngh, you’re n-not doing it r-right.” I groan, hoping that maybe if I just reminded him he’d figure it out. Like, oh! Wow you’re right Tweek, this is how you clean! But no, none of that happens and I don’t think it ever will. So instead I step up next to Kenny and snatch the washcloth from him and douse it in a whole new layer of sanitizing chemicals.

“You never think I do it right.” Kenny argues sounding way too amused. Kenny always finds it funny when I clean. “I assure you Tweek those tables can only get so clean.” I shoot him a glare that I was hoping would paralyze him in fear but Kenny simply laughs instead. Unfortunately my glares never seem to wield the proper power. But then again Kenny just laughs a lot.

“Not with how y-you clean them.”

“With how you clean them I’m surprised your skin hasn’t burned off from prolonged chemical exposure.” I shoot him another ‘deadly’ glare. Once again the attractive blonde boy laughs as I continue my furious scrubbing. Kenny disappears behind the counter to grab another washcloth to resume his own pathetic attempt at cleaning.

The next fifteen minutes are spent in a comfortable silence as we clean. As one song dimmed off to silence Kenny speaks up before the next song can begin. “Hey Tweek,” his voice sounds off, like he isn’t looking forward to what he has to say. I look up at him and raise my eyebrows, to make him aware that I’m waiting. He doesn’t say anything though. I have a very bad feeling about this.

“Y-Yeah?” I finally ask so that Kenny will just spit out already. But I don’t want to hear it. I really don’t. But it’s too late because Kenny is opening his mouth and beginning to speak.

“I think I’m going to quit.”

His words shock me. My mind goes blank, my jaw drops and I don’t even know what to do. The thought that Kenny might quit has never occurred to me before and I don’t think I can handle it. Oh god.

I drop my washcloth onto a nearly spotless table and stare at Kenny in disbelief.

“JESUS! W-What? Why!” My voice gets embarrassingly shrill but I don’t even care for once. I think I’m starting to panic.

Kenny grabs the blessed drugs from off the counter. He ignores my alarmed staring and sputtering of disbelief. Instead he casually lights the bowl up and inhales deeply. Afterwards he shoves the pipe in my hand and I graciously take it.

“Well you’ve noticed how many people are coming in to buy weed from me. It’s a lot. And it’s not even a quarter of the people I sell to. After and before work I’m just constantly making deliveries and it’s too much. I’m getting really popular over in North Park and at the rate it’s going I just can’t have two jobs. I’m already making more money dealing than I do here.” Kenny shrugs almost helplessly.

“Don’t get me wrong I love working here, it’s fun, but I need money and I’ll get more as long as I’m dealing more. Especially while it’s still summer and I don’t have school every day.” This isn’t surprising to hear. It’s no secret that Kenny’s family is dirt poor and I have no doubt in my mind that he’s one of the main providers for his family. Kenny really, really needs all the money he can get.

Even still I don’t want to accept any of this. Even knowing Kenny’s just doing what’s necessary for his family’s well being I don’t want him to leave me.

“But you’re m-my-“

“Shift buddy?” Kenny finishes for me.

I nod solemnly and feel so pathetically self-centered. Kenny has to know I can’t handle working with some stranger that my parents pick out for me. I had lucked out getting to work with Kenny. I almost always hate my picked shift buddies. While I had even hated Kenny at first I grew too actually like the devious bastard.

“Don’t worry Tweek, we’ll still be friends.” Kenny smiles cheekily and reaches out to ruffle my hair. In response I sputter in annoyance. “And I know you need a shift buddy so I found a replacement for you!”

I gasp and cringe. A replacement? Who in the world would Kenny pick to replace him? Kenny knows everybody, there are countless options and I don’t think I like any of them.

“W-What? W-Who?”

“Craig fucking Tucker.”

Oh god. Oh Jesus. What? What? What? No!

The grin on Kenny’s face is terrifying. I don’t mean to but I very visibly flinch at the replacements name. Craig Tucker is terrifying. On my mental list of scariest people at South Park high Craig Tucker is a close second to Eric Cartman himself.

Craig Tucker is an emotionless monster! He’s so stoic and tall and just so freaking serious. Everyone knew if you get on his bad side Craig Tucker could beat you senseless! I do not want to get beat up. I mean I couldn’t think of anyone he actually beat up but I’m pretty sure there’s been many helpless victims! Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t just let him beat me up. I’d fight back but, Jesus! That’s so much pressure!

“W-Why him?” I demand, fully freaking out. Kenny’s laughing at me.

Damn dickwad is always laughing at me! Dickwad, Dickwad, Dickwad!

“Oh he’s not scary. He just has a bad reputation. He’s actually pretty nice and totally harmless.” Kenny wiggles his eyebrows at me, always knowing my basic fears in people. “You’ll get along just fine. I promise. What do you say? Give him a chance?”

“No -wway. No f-fucking way. Jesus! W-What are you thinking? Are you cra-crazy! He’ll k-kill me. He h-hates me.”

“Oh please, he doesn’t hate you. And, seriously, he’s not out to kill.”

“Y-You’re lying.”

“Tweek, you’re killing me here! Don’t you have any faith in me? I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Auragh.” I groan in frustration. And Kenny laughs at me, again.

“Oh come on you can at least try it out. Give the guy a two week trial, if you don’t like him I’ll come back.” I stare at Kenny, contemplating his offer. It seems like I could either accept Kenny’s proposal and suffer two weeks with Craig to get Kenny back or face some random shift buddy my parent picks.

It’s painfully obvious what I have to pick.

“When?” I finally manage to squeeze out.

Kenny smiles sheepishly. “Well about that…” He trails off and I wince, not looking forward to his answer already. There’s no way I’m going to like this.

“Tomorrow.”

I scream.

I scream true and loud. I can’t believe this. Kenny could not be doing this to me.

“You’ve been p-planning this! Jesus! Why c-couldn’t you have b-brought this up earlier? FUCK, man!” There has to be some way to get out of this. Jesus. “What if my p-parents say no?” I ask hopefully. Maybe if I told them how much of an awful person Craig is they’d say no!

“Already asked them, they said yes.” Kenny admits. I cry out again and my legs give out from underneath me and I fall roughly onto my butt in my well-deserved over-dramatic despair.

“No,” I moan in misery. Kenny laughs lightly and crouches down in front of me.

“Hey now just give him a try okay? He’s actually a pretty chill guy! Plus I might have promised him you’d say yes.” Cue moan of despair. “He’s very compliant too. You’ll totally be his boss! That’s fun, right?” Leave it to Kenny McCormick to be painfully optimistic. “What do you say? Give him a chance?”

Unfortunately I’ve never been able to say no to Kenny when he’s really asking me for something; thus presenting reason six Kenny McCormick is extremely dangerous.

“Fine,” I grumble. Kenny’s grin is infectious and I have to try really hard not to smile back because I am not happy about this. His damn smile just has to be so contagious! Very stubbornly I chose to tune out his annoying face.

“Awesome! I told him to show up half an hour before opening. I already told him that you like to work high and he doesn’t care. He’ll probably even bring his own stuff. He’s nice like that.” Kenny winks. “You’ll get along just fine. You’ll see!”

I angrily mutter obscenities under my breath.

I take another drag off the pipe, inhaling the remains of the bowl to spite Kenny. I relish in the aching burn that hits my lungs with full force. I exhale an impressive cloud which makes Kenny cheer. That damn happy fool isn’t even angry when I finish off a still half full bowl in that one hit.

I ram the not quite so legal instrument into Kenny’s outstretched hands. And then I get back to cleaning. I still can’t believe this is happening. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

xxxx

That night I return to my family’s dark empty house furious. I suddenly couldn’t control my anger.

I’m angry at Kenny for quitting. I’m angry I’d have to work with Craig Tucker. I’m angry that Kenny needs money. I’m angry at myself for being so freaking unreasonable and selfish.

I’m basically angry because I am angry. Overall it isn’t working out all that fantastically. The added events of my parents ditching me, forcing me to work, already feeling shitty and then learning Kenny was leaving me at Tweek Bros has become a combination of destruction.

As soon as I’m in the safety of my home my thoughts gyrate to the events that transpired before I was forced to Tweak Bros for the afternoon. As soon as the tiniest little thought of self-inflicted pain hits me, my brain possessively wraps itself around the idea and refuses to let go.

No matter how hard I try I can’t calm down and get over this god damn infuriating anger.

I mean, how dare he? Kenny knows. Kenny just knows how much I need him. Doesn’t he know that I don’t have any friends anymore? I haven’t had friends since elementary school! I’ve been alone to deal with my own stupid self but then Kenny forced himself to be my friend. He forced his way in and I thought maybe, just maybe this was going to be someone who’d stick by me.

But no- He’s leaving Tweak Bros and forcing me to work with someone I’ve avoided for years. It’s not fair. It’s not even fair. God. Why am I so dumb?

If I bled just a little bit… this stupid emotion would go away, that easily. Should I?

Before I can even stop myself I’m running up the stairs, turning on every light switch possible as I go. In mere seconds I’m bursting into my bathroom and pulling my assortment of blades from its hiding spot. Without any thought involved I’ve pulled my shirt off and held one of the duller knives in my hand.

The sharp edge is pressing taught against pale skin…

“No!” I throw the blade onto the floor where the box cutter popped out of its hard shell. I told myself I’d control when I cut!

I can’t fight the screaming in my head. The screaming won’t stop at all and it’s making my head hurt so badly. The voices screech insults and all kinds of awful things at me. This isn’t nearly the first time I’ve almost indulged in subconscious self-harm but I hate not feeling in control. I just want to have control over my stupid brain.
I hate this. I want out. I want it to stop.

“I’ll s-smoke! Jesus, I’ll just g-get super high so I w-won’t want to do i-it. I d-don’t need to d-do it. I already did t-today.” I’m shaking and I feel sick and these words won’t stop repeating itself in my head. I just hope these thoughts will push the screaming away.

I left all my things out in my bathroom and scamper off to my bedroom. It takes me virtually no time to reach my room and in seconds I have a joint between my lips and smoke filling my lungs. As soon as the toxins fill me my body calms substantially and the screaming dims away into whispers.

I have music playing but I don’t feel much better. It’s starting to get hard to breathe. The screams that had decreased to whispers are starting to crescendo back to their deafening roar.

I’m already coughing while trying to smoke and soon enough I’m gasping for air. I just want to get high. I just want to feel numb. I want to feel nothing at all so this stupid awful pain will go away.

Why is Kenny leaving me? Does he not care? Why couldn’t he just stay forever? Why does Craig Tucker of all people have to take over his job? Why do I even care so much? Why won’t my brain just work right? Jesus! Why?

Thirty minutes have passed and I still don’t feel better. I’ve gone through six joints and I’m beyond high. I’m so high I feel sick to my stomach. Smoking too much doesn’t agree with me. I think I’m going to puke.

I feel so sick that I’m just lying helplessly on my bedroom floor, holding my stomach. My vision is blurred with unshed tears. Honestly this is all just so dumb and pointless.

An exceptionally strong wave of nausea passes through me, causing me to gag and gasp for air.

Numbly I get on my hands and knees and slowly crawl to the bathroom. The trip through the hall is long and painful. I’m sickened by the sight of the world spinning around and around as I slowly move. I swear my head is ready to implode on itself.

When I at last reach the bathroom I freeze because inches away from me is a pretty array of sharp instruments.

The dull box cutter I had thrown onto the floor is so close that its shining edge is touching my fingers. The temptation is overpowering. I can’t control myself as my hand reaches out and picks up the knife. I’m clutching it tightly and the voices are screaming in painful detail, telling me exactly what to do with it.

But instead I finish crawling to the toilet and as soon as I’m in its close proximity I’m throwing up.

Retch after retch travels through me. This isn’t the first time I’ve smoked so much I’ve gotten sick but it’s the first time it’s made me actually throw up. I don’t think it’s even just the weed that made me sick, it’s probably ninety percent just my stupid feelings and the screaming isn’t helping.

After what feels like an excruciating eternity I’ve emptied all of the contents in my stomach. My throat is burning and I feel no shame over the tears streaming down my face.

I feel so disgusting and it isn’t even the vomit that’s making me feel this way; it’s the awful selfish burning ache that’s really doing it.

God I feel so abandoned. My parents aren’t home and Kenny’s leaving me.

All of Kenny’s reassuring comments earlier don’t matter. I know he told me we’d still be friends but I don’t believe him. How could we be friends if I no longer saw him at work? We don’t exactly hang out outside of work all that often.

Once again I’m left completely friendless. It isn’t surprising though. I’m a freak. Everyone hates Tweek Tweak and I don’t blame them. I hate him too.

The overabundance of feelings I had experienced before work is nothing compared to what I feel now.

Now I’m bursting at the seams. I don’t just want release, I need release.

The world around me is a blur of fogged colors. I’m still shirtless from earlier and it takes me several, long, disorienting minutes to realize what I’m even doing. But then it hits me like a bullet train.

I’m hunched over on my knees on the bathroom floor. The dull box cutter that I had been holding in my right hand is dancing in the air and gliding against pale skin. Shining silver slashes wildly in a primitive dance, completely out of control as it gnaws at my left arm.

I can’t feel it. I feel absolutely nothing and I can barely even see it. All of my senses are too overwhelmed by my raw uncontrollable feelings and the flooding of awful screams in my head to register what’s really happening.

I felt as if I’m half asleep and watching some dark twisted movie. The blade is running over old scars and healing cuts to no avail. Dark red gore floods its way down my skin, dripping everywhere. I’m not looking for fresh unmarred skin I’m simply hacking and slashing. It doesn’t matter that the blade is technically dull; I guess I’m putting enough force behind the motion for it to work anyways.

Once there’s too much blood to easily continue on that limb I subconsciously switch hands and get to work on the other arm.

When the fog in my head finally starts to clear I feel emotionally drained. I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel the pain, or the hard floor beneath me, or even the haggard emotions I had been experiencing not too long ago. I don’t even hear anything in my head.

I’m dissociating badly. I feel nothing at the sight of blood everywhere. Red coats everything. It’s all over me and the floor. I still hold the knife in my hand so I slowly lift it up and drop it in the sink with rough jerky movements.

My eyes are drawn back to my hands. They’re so red… I can see all the red but I can’t feel it. Is it really there? I slowly bring my hands up to my face and hesitantly press them to my cheeks. I can feel the thick sticky liquid lather onto my skin. The feeling makes me so I pull my hands away.

Everything is red. It’s all so god damn red. I can’t tear my eyes away from it. Why is everything so red? Everything shouldn’t be so red!
My breathing is starting to get heavy. I don’t have to force myself to look away from the red because the world does it for me as everything goes black.

xxxxx

When consciousness returns I automatically know not that much time could have passed. The moon, still shining high in the sky, confirms that for me. I feel substantially calmer from before I passed out and my head is blissfully silent.

I’m lying on my side, my arms cradled against my stomach. I remember exactly what happened before I passed out. I keep my eyes glued to the ceiling as I slowly, using only my elbows, push myself up so that I’m sitting up.

I don’t want to look down. I don’t want to face the damage from my breakdown. I’ve never had a breakdown that badly. It’s never that bad. Never. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Usually I’d contact my therapist but I don’t have one anymore. Not right not anyways.

My arms are pulsing with pain. I always embraced pain but this is almost too much. It isn’t really the pain that’s too much for me but simply the severity of what I did.

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut but all I can see is that stupid red everywhere. A sob gets caught in the back of my throat. I can’t believe what I did.
I take a moment to focus on deep breathing. Finally I work up all my courage and open my eyes and I hate what I see.

My arms are covered in angry red scratches everywhere. From my low wrist to a little past my elbows, all around, are cuts. Some injuries are shallow incisions but others are darker and deeper. There’s an average of two centimeters between each laceration. While the damage is bad it isn’t nearly as bad as I had been expecting. Honestly it’s an extremely good thing I had ended up using my dullest knife otherwise I’m worried I wouldn’t have woken up at all.

The bandage that had been covering injury from earlier today had been torn off in the fury of my breakdown. Dry blood caked me everywhere. It’s smeared all over my arms, hands, stomach, pants, probably my face, and even the floor. It would take me well over an hour to clean this all up properly. I don’t even care though. I’m just so relieved the damage wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated.

I know that in a month my wounds would be for the most part completely healed and I would only have countless scars in memory. And that’s perfectly okay. I can live with that.

I’m light headed as I stand up slowly to start fixing the mess I’ve created. But first I’m in desperate need for one extra-long soothing bath.

xxxxxx

The next morning I know I look like a mess. I’m pasty pale, pastier than usual that is. The bags that rim my eyes stand out terrifyingly. My messy hair is tons crazier than usual. I haven’t slept at all since my estimated forty minute nap from when I passed out. I also can’t stop muttering my thoughts out loud under my breath and I had to have been on my sixth thermos of coffee since I’ve woke up.

I look insane.

While I walked to the shop for work I become wired, both on lots of caffeine and nicotine. As I walk slowly I work my way through a joint disguised as a cigarette. When I get near the shop I don’t bother going through the back and approach the front of the store instead. This is my last joint, since I had smoked the rest last night, and I’m sad. I really have no idea how I’m going to survive a day of work with the infamous Craig Tucker.

Honestly the truth that I’m going to soon work with Craig hasn’t even felt real. It’s safe to say that today is going to be filled with lots of coffee and cigarettes.

I finally look up as I reached the first window belonging to Tweak Bros Coffee and I stop instantly because three feet away is the one and only Craig Tucker.

Chapter Text

Craig stood casually, leaning back against the shop window with a cigarette dangling between his lips. My sudden stop captures the boy's gaze and I instantly freeze in horror as our eyes meet. I knew this moment was coming but in no ways was I actually prepared for it.

I had been in the middle of inhaling when I caught sight of the tall stoic teenager. At the sudden shock that came with noticing the intimidating teen I managed to completely forget how to breathe. I begin coughing painfully as smoke gets caught within my chest.

It’s official. I’m dying. I’m dying while looking like a total psychopath who can’t even fucking breathe. Fantastic.

In a way I’m vaguely thankful that I can’t breathe. If I’m not breathing I’m not over thinking and being my usual paranoid as fuck self. I’m so focused on trying to breathe I’m not worrying about what in the world is about to happen. In a way I’m being forced by nature to face my fear.
I’m so preoccupied with the need for survival I’m not just running away, which is my usual go-to action when interacting with Craig Tucker.

I’m so solely focused on trying to push air into my lungs that I hardly even notice as Craig takes several steps towards me until there’s only a foot of space between us. My mind is a blurry haze as I slowly glance up at the boy standing over me.

I’m not exactly filled with fear but instead surprise as I notice the height difference between us. I’ve always been on the shorter side of average, which is most likely thanks to a coffee addiction throughout my entire adolescence, so I stand only a few inches over five feet. Craig Tucker isn’t unusually tall, maybe hitting six feet, but he’s still pretty tall.

With the short distance between us he feels gargantuan. He practically towers over me. .
“Are you okay?” His voice is even and bland with no actual concern present. He’s the prime example of mastered indifference. Even with his air of ‘I-really-don’t-give-a-fuck’ he still manages to be really freaking scary. Nothing could change the fact Craig Tucker is terrifying, introducing reason number one Craig Tucker isn’t just dangerous but lethal.

Craig happens to be equal parts intimidating as he is oddly attractive, in other words he’s very much of both; which is reason two Craig is so damn hazardous. I guess you could say Craig Tucker is simply ‘average’ but something about him definitely makes him eye-catching.
He wears an old ratty chullo, which is at least ten years old (gross), which hides most of his mused black hair. His eyes are this strange blue-gray that seemed unable to make up their mind over what color they are.

His body is the better side of average and his teeth used to be kind of crooked before braces in middle school. Now his teeth are straight and shiny, bumping him back up to that above-average point. It’s true Craig probably intimidates everyone but he still manages to have an impressive number of female admirers.

Craig Tucker is the classic bad boy with his ‘give no fucks’ attitude and alluring looks. These details alone make it painstakingly obvious why Craig Tucker is so fucking deadly.

I still can’t breathe properly so I have no choice but to nod in response to Craig’s question asking if I’m okay. I’m distracted by not only trying to breathe but trying to process what exactly is even happening currently. After my episode last night my head remains foggy and I fight to keep up with the world.

It feels as if I know I should be panicking but I can’t exactly figure out why.

Craig doesn't look convinced by my answer as his eyebrows shoot up and his lips turn down into a grimace. Despite his obvious disbelief he doesn’t bother arguing with me. My mind clears slightly as he steps backwards and I have more space. Craig’s attention goes back to his cigarette but I notice him staring at me from the corner of his eye.

Honestly, what’s even happening?

I’m capable of comprehending the fact that I look certifiably insane today and I suddenly feel a little self-conscious. As my lungs finally clear of smoke, the fog in my head lessens and the reality of what’s happening finally kicks in.

Holy shit. What the hell do I do now?

Craig Tucker is unpredictable; reason three Craig is horrifically dangerous.

Running away seems to be the only feasible answer to this problem. Unfortunately I’m frozen in place and still unable to move. How are you supposed to run away when you can’t move at all?

Shit.

“Do-“ The impassive voice suddenly speaking pulls a shrill cry of surprise from me. Craig pauses, giving me a look in-between annoyance and pity, before he tries speaking again. “Do you want me to put this out so we can get to work or something?”

Panic fills me and it takes much longer than necessary to realize Craig is referring to his half smoked cigarette.

“UAGH. Um, no! JESUS. N-No… I- I need to f-finish mine t-too.” The words spill out of my mouth in a high pitched nervous rush.

Craig stares at me with narrowed eyes that make me squirm. Did he understand me? There was no way I could find the courage in me to say it all again. In fact I don’t think I have the courage to do this at all. Maybe I should-

“Is that a joint?”

Um- what?

By the blank look on my face Craig probably figures I didn’t hear him so he repeats his question, which sure enough was exactly what I thought I had heard. Craig’s question brings up reason four Craig is such a threat; he’s fearless. Craig does whatever he pleases and damns the consequences.

My eyes slowly drift down to the pseudo-cigarette that’s currently placed between my lips as I subconsciously inhale. As smoke fills my mouth and chest I inhale deeper to ensure it all goes to my lungs. I quickly blow the smoke out under the unforgiving attention of Craig Tucker.

“Well, is it?” His tone is borderline harsh. I’m quickly caught trying to decide whether or not to lie or tell the truth. The fear that Craig could smell the lies coming from me convinces me to tell the truth.

“Y-Yes! GOD, YES.” To both my pleasure and surprise Craig just nods in approval.

“Can I have a drag?” His words are slow and thoughtful – each syllable perfectly chosen and placed.

I’m now officially starting to panic. I’ve never shared joints thanks to smoking with Kenny but I’m honestly too scared to say no to Craig Tucker.

Stiffly I nod and hold the given object out to the taller man. He reaches out and takes it from me, careful to make sure we won’t touch. I watch in my never ending stupor as he brings the stick to his mouth, his lips gently caressing it, as he inhales deeply with a smoker’s ease.

This doesn’t feel real. I’m sharing a joint with Craig fucking Tucker! Jesus Christ. I can hardly even believe I’m standing a few feet away from him let alone sharing my joint with that beast.

“Uh, Tweek?” Craig’s unsure question makes me realize with a start that he was trying to hand me back the joint. “Tweek!” He looks annoyed that I hadn’t been paying attention.
With embarrassed sputtering I take back what is rightfully mine and without thought bring it straight to my lips with a grateful bob of the head. I ignore the thought that his lips had just previously touched what my lips are now pressed against. The action feels way to intimate, which I guess is one of the major reasons I never share joints in the first place.

The rest of our shared time of smoking is done in an awkward silence. The entire expanse of time Craig remains his usual stoic scary self and I continue to be busy being the usual spaz I am. I’m thrumming with nervous energy. My heart is racing and even if I’m no longer choking on smoke my lungs ache.

I’ve been in Craig Tucker’s proximity for a total of four minutes and I already know today is going to be one of the hardest days of my life.

I finish my joint right as, convenience had it, Craig finishes his cigarette. I walk past him to the front door and shove my keys in to unlock it. I silently saunter in and a few seconds later Craig trails in after me.

I continue past the counter and into the backroom while Craig fallows obediently. I’m feeling a slight buzz from the joint but considering I’m currently dealing with Craig Tucker today I knew I’d need a lot more than one measly joint to get high and it’s devastating that I have nothing to indulge in.

“H-Here!” I thrust an olive green apron at Craig and he grabs it with furrowed brows. “You have to wear an apron. It’s the r-rules and you can’t break-agh- the rules!” I swear I’m vibrating with this awful energy and it’s making me feel sick.

“Are you okay?”

“JESUS! W- What?”

“You’re not going to explode or anything, right?” Craig stares at me, showing no concern. The only thing he seemed to care about is not having to clean up the mess I’d leave if I spontaneously combusted. The thought of exploding is in no way pleasant.

It takes me several seconds of internal freak-out to notice the amused glint shining in Craig’s stormy eyes. It’s been years since I’ve seen the wicked shine in those eyes but I’d recognize it anywhere.

Craig Tucker was joking.

Craig doesn’t exactly joke around much, he mostly likes to fuck with people’s head, but occasionally the noirette did indeed try to tell jokes. Most of them lame. Was Craig seriously trying to tell a joke or is he messing with me? FUCK.

“Y-You don’t j-joke about human combustion, man! That’s a s-serious matter, OKAY!?” Craig raises an eyebrow and his lips twitch slightly.

Dare I say Craig Tucker might be amused? I may or may not be on the verge of shitting a brick. HOLY FUCK. “Anyways, you n-need a nametag but it’ll t-take t-time to arrive! Actually I need to order it first.” Craig’s amused expression disappears and is replaced with annoyance.

“D-Don’t worry! I s-swear I’ll order one today!” Craig rolls his eyes.

“I’ll just be Kenny for now.”

…What?

Craig points over my shoulder, into the locker that is currently hanging open. Sitting on the shelf is Kenny’s nametag. I glance over at Craig open mouthed. He raises an eyebrow at me as if silently telling me I’m an idiot and honestly I feel like one.

“I- I don’t know…. JESUS. Isn’t that….like identity thief? I can’t h-have the police showing up!”

“Don’t be a dumb ass, the police won’t show up.” Craig reaches over me and grabs the name tag. “I’m doing this for my own amusement. Just humor me.”

I really don’t want to let Craig wear that badge but I keep my mouth shut. I watch as Craig clumsily puts on the apron and pins on the shiny white badge that proudly says, ‘Hi, my name is Kenny!’. Once he’s properly attired he just stands there staring at me. I’m trying to figure out why he’s staring when he speaks.

“Are you going to show me what’s next or are you just going to stand there all day?” I flinch and step away from him.

“R-Right.” I turn to walk out of the backroom but pause in the doorway and slowly turn around. “B-By the way you’re g-gonna have to t-take off your h-hat.” Craig does not look amused.

“It’s s-shop policy.”

“Are you kidding me?”

I shake my head and fight every instinct to cower or run away. Craig isn’t going to beat you up… Craig isn’t going to beat you up… Craig probably isn’t going to beat you up…

Craig sighs and tugs his hat off, revealing unsurprisingly messy black hair. It’s always weird to see Craig without his hat. “Y-You can p-put it in the l-locker.” I squeak out nervously. Craig stows away his hat then follows me out into the shop.

I hesitantly instruct Craig to help me open shop by opening the blinds, flipping the closed sign to open, and turning on all the coffee shop equipment. In the usual ten minute period after opening when there are no customers, I briefly show Craig the fundamentals of our old standard cash register. I’m pretty sure my dad bought that stupid cash register at a garage sale several years ago.

Since it takes time to learn how to properly brew coffee the shop always starts with having employees working the cash register and taking orders. Craig is already struggling.

“I don’t fucking understand how this till thing works.” Craig grumbles for probably the fifth time since we’ve started.

“W-What don’t you get? That’s w-where the m-money goes!” I’m actually starting to get very frustrated to the point I’m not even afraid of the ridiculous teen in front of me... that’s saying a lot.

“I get that but it won’t fucking open when I fucking want it to!” My hands are latched tightly in my hair and I’m trying very, very hard not to rip it out. With next to no patience I show Craig how it works for the millionth time and finally the machine complies with the noirette.

“You u-understand now?” Craig scofs and he raised his hand as if to flip me off but then stopped last second.

“Don’t be a smartass Tweek.” I don’t quite understand how I’m being a smartass but I’m sure as hell not going to argue. “Now how am I supposed to know what prices to enter into the machine for the coffee?”

“You just l-look at the menu, it s-says so! Or you c-can look at the price g-guide right in front of y-you.” Craig rolls his eyes. If he was actually Kenny, not just pretending to be Kenny, I would probably be sassing him hard core right about now. Kenny always laughs when I sass him. Man, I miss Kenny.

“But it’s all complicated and shit. People order weird ass coffee, how the fuck am I supposed to know what a fat free sugar free soy what-fucking-ever latte is supposed to be. This paper just says a latte is three-fifty for a medium.”

I was about to point out all the details on pricing to Craig but a businessman walks in, interrupting me. As he slowly walks to the counter I turn to Craig. “Take h-his order,” I walk away to the coffee machines so he doesn’t have a chance to yell at me or whatever.

I start grinding the dark roast blend this regular always orders. When I glance over at Craig his jaw is slack and he looks ready to start complaining. “$3.95,” I inform him in hopes that maybe he won’t yell at me.

Craig looks annoyed as he turns to the customer. “What do you want?” He grumbles sounding like an angsty teenager.

“Yeah, can I get a large dark roast hazelnut latte?”

The coffee is just about done by the time Craig stopped scrutinizing over the pricing sheet and shoots me a look. He turns to the customer and says, “That’ll be $3.95.” The regular hands Craig a five dollar bill and the teenager successfully opens the till and hands over the man’s change. By the time the man walks over to the pick-up counter I’m already handing over the coffee.

As soon as the man turns and silently walks out of the building Craig turns to me with crossed arms. “How the hell did you know how much it’d cost before he even ordered?”

“He’s a regular.” Craig shakes his head as if he’s annoyed that he didn’t figure it out himself. “By t-the way, you’re s-supposed to greet the c-customer politely and w-welcome them.”

“What the actual fuck.”

“Y-Yeah. C-Come on, I-I’ll show you the storage r-room now. ”
-----
Four hours into the shift we were finally getting the hang of working together. Most of the time is spent in stiff silence with the occasional arguing. Surprisingly Craig hasn’t said or done a single scary thing. He has yet to threaten or harm me and I’m starting to think that maybe Kenny was right about him. I’m even kind of starting to relax around him, but just kind of.

Craig and I argue quite a bit actually. The fights are always about dumb things, like how he doesn’t properly close the till or how he places the money in the cash register. It’s not even like he doesn’t do the things the right way, he just doesn’t do it the way I do and it drives me insane.

I happen to actually be a ritualistic being, I’m used to things being done a certain way and I can’t stand when they aren’t done that way. It’s one of the few things I know Craig and I actually have in common. But I get a feeling that these little things Craig does that drive me insane are all things I’ll just have to get over.

Arguing with Craig is actually kind of amusing. I don’t feel threatened and it almost makes me feel kind of normal. Craig is a stubborn apathetic asshole too and I might just kind of like it in a weird way.

“Welcome to Tweak Bros Coffee, what do you want?” Despite all the customers, hours of work, and endless scolding on my behalf Craig is now only moderately polite to customers. I honestly find it kind of entertaining but I know he’ll have to properly be trained or else Dad will get angry at me for not doing my job right.

My dad always takes everything that has to do with the shop very seriously. To be frank it’s kind of scary how mean he can get. My dad is usually a spacey kind of guy who makes confusing metaphors comparing life to coffee, which is something I really don’t get. It isn’t often he gets angry but it’s definitely something to avoid at all costs.
I listen to the order of the current customer and out of second nature calculate how much it would cost. I’m already starting the coffee as Craig shoots me a look. He’s probably waiting to know how much the coffee would be.

Another thing Craig is going to have to work on is figuring out the pricing of stuff on his own. I’m pretty sure he gave up trying to figure it out and instead started depending on me to tell him. It’s something I don’t actually mind but if he ever has to work by himself he has to be able to do it.

“$4.25.” I inform Craig patiently. I’m currently on my fourth coffee of the shift and the nervous thrumming energy I had been filled with earlier has been replaced with the familiar warm edge that comes with a plethora of caffeine. After my rough start last night and this morning the day seems to actually be taking a turn for the better. I can still feel that ‘off’ rhythm in how I’m functioning but I’m not as much of a brain-dead zombie I had anticipated.

I hand the coffee to Craig who then hands it to the customer who then joins a friend at one of the tables. Craig turns to me and crosses his arms.
“So when do I get off work?”

Somehow with the unconventional way Craig acquired the job, as in Kenny dumping the job on him, I had forgotten about all the technical details that need to be sorted out. Figuring out job wages and hours is something my dad always does, not me. Considering I have no idea when daddy dearest will even be home this is a new stifling responsibility.

“Jesus! I d-didn’t even think a-about that!” By nervous habit I set the coffee down and my hands are in my hair, grabbing handfuls. I guess there’s just something about the feeling of your hair being pulled that’s oddly reassuring; it’s a familiar pressure. It isn’t like the pressures of hoping the nearest jackass won’t beat you up or being so sure there are government officials following you or the extreme fear of failing life.

“There’s not a schedule?” Craig’s left hand lifts and runs through his hair, a habit he seems to do when not wearing his hat.

“Ack- No! That’s Dad’s j-job but he h-hasn’t done it.” I pause and force my hands out of my hair and take several deep breaths to try and calm down. “He’s out of town or s-something.”

“Oh.” Craig obviously is unsure what to say.

“I g-guess you can stop your s-shift whenever you w-want.” Craig grunts in response. “A-And you can chose w-when you come into work.” Craig hums. “A-And chose what days you w-want to work.”

“What the fuck Tweek.”

I squeal and hold up my hands in defense. “I don’t know h-how to make schedules, m-man!”

“Well I’m pretty sure you don’t leave it up to the employee to create his own schedule dumb ass.” I think dumbass is one of Craig’s favorite words. “Who are the other people who work? I swear to god I’m not fucking working with Stan Marsh or some other douche.”

“Oh Jesus, no. I-It’s just m-me.” Craig’s eyebrows shoot up.

“You’re the only one who’s working here right now?” I nod unsurely. “That’s fucked. When does the store close?”

“N-Nine.” Craig whistles and shakes his head.

“A twelve hour shift? Shit, I think I’ll stick with eight hours for now. I’ll stop at five.” I nod and Craig turns his attention back to his phone.
-----

True to his word Craig left at five. The last four hours had gone roughly the same as the first four did, just maybe a little quieter which was something I didn’t mind. Without Craig’s tense presence by my side the fatigue from the last few days is starting to wear down on me hard. Coffee isn’t helping much so whenever I felt my eyes drift closed I run my hand up and down my arms. The sudden pain keeps jolting me awake.

It’s a frustrating thing, really, knowing that even if I went straight home to lay down I would suddenly be wide awake. Insomnia is a bitch like that.

The last hour before closing tends to be deserted. I usually pass the time reading or building little towns with the junk lying around the shop. I tend to loathe the empty hour of standing around before I’m allowed to go home but when a familiar blonde boy walks in twenty minutes before nine I can’t help but squeal in joy.

“Kenny!”

“Heya Twinkie, ya miss me?” I hated when Kenny calls me that but for today I’ll let it pass.

“Oh, JESUS, y-yes!” It’s true. While working with Craig wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected it still wasn’t as exciting working with Kenny usually is. In a moment of euphoria that came with finally seeing something familiar I run around the counter and throw my arms around Kenny’s neck.

“Holy shit Tweek!” Kenny cries out, obviously shocked. It’s understandable, Kenny is always the one to initiate any kind of contact and I always pull away. “Working with Craig couldn’t have been that bad.” Kenny trails off. I looked up right as he cranes his head back to glance at me. “…Right?”

Once satisfied I step away from Kenny and wrap my arms around myself. Kenny always manages to pull out my true raw feelings and the disparity of last night is starting to come back at full force. “N-No, it was o-okay.”

“See I told you Craig’s fine! He’s a total dickwad but he’s a chill dickwad.” Kenny chuckles halfheartedly before trailing off into silence. He stares at me for a few moments in silence, obviously studying me closely. “You haven’t really smoked today have you?”

A pathetic whimper escapes my lips and Kenny half smiled warily.

“Your ‘rents aren’t gonna come home any time soon, right?” Nod. “Let’s go chill at your place. C’mon I’ll help you close up shop.”
--------

When we got to my house the first thing we do is go to the kitchen to raid my fridge. Honestly it’s more just Kenny raiding my fridge while I make coffee. I don’t eat much; my meds are thanks to that. Plus the feeling of being full makes me feel kind of gross; I can pretty much feel every morsel swishing around down there – ew.

Kenny satisfies himself with grabbing a container of macaroni salad and a bag of pretzels. Kenny always eats the most random assortments of foods. I figure it has something to do with the fact there is pretty much never food at his house so he has to indulge in his favorites elsewhere.

We hole ourselves up in my room and as soon as the door is shut behind me the marijuana is pulled out. Kenny makes himself comfortable by sprawling out on my queen sized bed. I begin busying myself by picking up the miscellaneous things that are out of place around the room.

My room is a pretty decent size, larger than most rooms probably. Considering I’m an only child the entire upstairs is pretty much my own so I had laid claim to the larger room from the very start. My room contains a random assortment of things I decided I liked and collected over the years. In one corner sits a corner desk and then flanking either side of it stands several bookshelves, stuffed to the brim with all kinds of books and stuff.

I start straightening the neat row of pens and pencils on my desk when Kenny calls out my name. “Tweek stop micromanaging everything and come hit the pipe.”

I try to groan but it comes out more as a strangled yelp.

“D-Doesn’t it b-bother you?” I already know the answer but I ask anyways.

“What?”

I grab the pipe from Kenny’s outstretched hand and perch myself on the edge of the bed. “There’s s-so much out of p-place man.” I brought the cold glass to my lips and with a flick of the lighter I inhale the sweet smooth smoke.

“God Tweek your OCD is shining bright today.” Kenny doesn’t know that I actually do happen to have a raging case of OCD and I don’t quite feel like confirming it. When was the last time I took my meds? Maybe that was why I felt so out of control? Honestly my room goes back and forth between trashed and perfectly organized. It just depends on how I feel.

When I feel out of control I try to regain my control by controlling things around me; such as my room.

“I j-just like organization, j-jesus.” Kenny laughs as he takes the pipe away from me. “I-Imagine you have the p-perfect layout where y-you keep every s-single thing and you spend h-hours perfecting it, t-then you notice some t-things are out of place. It’d drive y-you insane too.”

Kenny chuckles as he slowly exhales. “Kaya Tweekers, I guess that’s reasonably understandable. I am not a creature of organization though, my room is absolutely trashed.” Kenny pauses to laugh. “Once it was so bad that when Kyle came over he flipped the fuck out and started to clean my room!” Kenny shakes his head at the memory and begins laughing even harder.

The image of a red faced Kyle furiously starting to clean is actually kind of funny.

“G-Good thing I n-never come over.”

“You’re welcome to come over whenever! My bed is very soft and warm, it might be a little tight but we can cuddle.” Kenny winks and I shudder at the thought. Honestly one of the biggest reasons I’m so adamant not to go to Kenny’s is because I know it would be dirty. I may or may not be totally freaked out by germs. The thought of how much sex took place in that bed is enough to scare me off for life.

“Dully n-noted,” I mutter after I slowly exhale a cloud of smoke. We continue to smoke as Kenny continues to be his usual perverted self. I have a feeling he’s trying to be extra nice today in hopes of cheering me up. Curse him for always knowing when I’m having a shitty day.

It isn’t until two hours later that Kenny’s pre-paid phone chimes and he looks down at it with a surprised ‘oh’! “Stan texted me, I’m supposed to go to a kickback with him and a few of his jockey friends. Wana join?” I know for a fact Stan and his jockey friends hate me, in fact one or two of them have probably punched me at one point or another.

“N-No way man.”

“Alright, your loss.” I watch as Kenny gathers up his things in his ratty old backpack that goes wherever he goes. “I’ll see ya tomorrow Twinkie!” I wince at the nickname but brighten up at the mention of tomorrow.

“See ya Kenny.” I walk the blonde to the front door and wave him off. It’s strange to think back to just last night and compare it to how content I feel at the moment. I feel good enough that I could say maybe I can actually deal with working with Craig.

I mean, maybe he isn’t as scary as I had thought? Well, I have tomorrow to find out.

Chapter Text

I used to think South Park never changed. Same ‘ol shitty town, same ‘ol shitty people; nothing new about that.

I don’t actually mind the fact South Park always remains exactly the same. In fact, I actually enjoy boring. Change is overrated. There’s nothing more satisfying as going through your everyday knowing exactly what to expect. No surprises, no drama, no worries. It’s easy, really fucking easy.

Lately, though, my perfect world has been cracked.

Today I discovered that while South Park may never change its people actually do.

Shocker.

I’m not talking about the fact that Wendy Testaburger finally actually got a pair of tits or that fat ass Eric Cartman isn’t quite so much of a fat ass anymore but a bigger, more unpredictable kind of change.

And that change goes by the name of Tweek Tweak.

Tweek Tweak is supposed to be easily defined. Tweek never changed, or I thought he never changed. He was supposed to be the weird, helpless, crazy kid. Everything scares Tweek Tweak. Tweek Tweak screams at the smallest things. Tweek rants about otherworldly conspiracy theories. Tweek needs defending. Tweek Tweak’s eyes are supposed to lively and dancing. That’s Tweek.

This new Tweek Tweak isn’t the same. This new Tweek seems capable of caring for their self. This new Tweek has their shit together. This Tweek Tweak only gets a little startled. This Tweek is rather silent and brooding. This Tweek has a sharp tongue and speaks it’s mind when it wants. This Tweek Tweak’s eyes are dead. That’s not supposed to be Tweek.

I can’t even comprehend when this change happened. It doesn’t feel like that long since I’ve seen or really talked to Tweek but, then, when I think about it has been years. I don’t actually see Tweek ever anymore. Occasionally I’ll pass him in the halls at school but that’s it.

The realization startles me. I don’t like change but without realizing it, a major change had occurred.

As soon as I finished my first work shift at Tweek Bros. Coffee I couldn’t get the stupid thought of Tweek out of my head. When did this change even happen? After two hours of sulking at home, I was going crazy.

I need answers.

“I’m going over to Tokens. Might come home later, don’t know,” I shout as I bound down the stairs.

“No one fucking cares you asshat!” My sister’s annoying shrill voice shouts back instantly as a reply.

“Watch your fucking language Ruby!” My mother scolds, in her usual ‘motherly’ voice. I pause at the bottom of the stairs and glance into the living room.

All three members of my family sit somewhere in the living room. My mom and sister are on the couch while my dad lounges in the recliner, a newspaper blocking his face from view. Some documentary on the civil war is playing on the TV. I always catch my family watching documentaries and I honestly didn’t get it. Documentaries are soo boring.

“Craig started it! He’s a bad influence, punish him! Don’t yell at me.” That’s classic Ruby trying to get me in unnecessary trouble. Without much thought my left hand is raised and the middle finger flaunting.

“Hey, didn’t you start that new job of yours today?” My mom asks rather abruptly. She’s the only one I actually told, in hopes she’d forget and no one would bother me. There goes that plan.

“Yep.” I pop the ‘p’ and Ruby sends me a sharp glare.

“Stop that!” She snaps predictably. She absolutely hates it when I pop the ‘p’ in words; which is probably half the reason I even do it. “You got a job? Where at?”

“The coffee shop.” I don’t want to elaborate nor do I even want to have this conversation. I just want to leave, maybe go smoke some weed with Token and get some damn answers. Yeah, that sounds perfect.

“Wait a minute, the Tweak’s coffee shop?” Ruby instantly perked up at the mention of Tweek. She always did have a weird obsession with Tweek.

“What was that?” The mention of the Tweaks just has to be the one thing to get my dad’s attention. Correction, my entire family always has a weird obsession with Tweek. It’s weird too considering it has been years since Tweek has been around.

“Craig got a job at the Tweak family’s coffee shop. Good thing, that Tweek boy really was a sweet one. When are you going to invite him over?”

“God mom just shut up.” I groan.

“Watch your mouth you little shit,” Dad snaps. I guess it’s kind of sweet how he always tries to stand up for my mom. Actually, never mind, it’s more annoying than anything else because he’s always yelling at me and no one else over it.

“I agree with mom, invite Tweek over. He’s soo cute.” Okay no, that’s gross. Ruby just shut up.

“I’m leaving.” I ignore my family’s annoying shouts and questions about Tweek and storm through the front door.

It’s a twenty-minute walk to the Black residence and for once I don’t actually mind it. The trip is spent thinking about nothing and everything all at once. None the less I accomplish nothing with my pondering.

When I arrived at the Black’s house, which is really a mansion, I don’t bother knocking and instead just walk in.

I’m pretty sure Token’s parents are off touring Europe or some shit but even if they weren’t I’ve been walking in uninvited to the Black’s family residence for years.

Bob Marley music greets me as soon as I open the door and that could mean only one thing. Sure enough, I make my way to the basement and as soon as I open the white door leading down, a distinct smell hits me.

I vaguely recognize the song Metal Jungle or Concrete Forest or something to be playing off the beautiful sound system we named Bessie in eighth grade. Clyde likes to listen to Bob Marley music when he smokes weed, he calls it symbolic or some shit.

I purposely slam the door very loudly behind me. Token and Clyde are sitting in one of the many soft ass couches in Token’s massive theater room. I’m pretty sure the entire basement area is supposed to be a family room, but it’s more of a private theater with its giant ass TV, popcorn machine and bar that is stocked up with the Movie Theater kind of junk.

I laugh silently as the two dumbasses let out shrill screams. They both jump and whirl around to stare at me wide-eyed. The music is turned down and I swear to god I see tears in Clyde’s eyes.

“Craig… I didn’t know you were coming over.”’ Token states calmly as if he didn’t just totally scream like a girl.

“What, you don’t want to share your weed with me, you asshole?” Token rolls his eyes and sets down some new bong he’s holding onto the floor.

“No Craig I just thought you were my parents. You just about gave me a heart attack, jackass.”

“Whoops.”

“Craaaaig,” Clyde whines. “Why do you have to be so meaaaaan?” The brunette’s eyes are red and glazed over. I’m honestly surprised the fatass isn’t busy stuffing his face from a bad case of the munchies.

“Where’ve you been all day? I texted you earlier, but you didn’t reply.” Token asks suddenly. I may or may not have ‘forgotten’ to tell them about my new surprise job. And I may or may not have ‘forgotten’ to reply to Token’s texts all day.

“I was at work.”

“Don’t lie to us you asshole! I see through all your lies,” Clyde hisses. He’s pointing at both of his eyes but then rotates them over to point at me. I roll my eyes with a groan and sit down in between Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.

“Is that a new bong?” I reach down to pick it up, but Clyde squeals and snatches it up before I can.

“You got a job?” Token asks, oh so rudely ignoring me.

“Yep.” I once again pop the ‘p’ and mentally I can hear Ruby scolding me.

“Do you want to know what the bong’s name is?” Clyde asks, suddenly getting all excited like a puppy or some shit.

“No, not really.”

“Where are you working?” Token questions.

“No Craaaiiig. You want to know what the bongs name is.”

“Somewhere.” I respond to Token while ignoring Clyde.

“Craaaaiiig! Guess what the bong’s name is.”

“I don’t care Clyde.”

“Where at Craig?”

“No Craaaaaiiig! You seriously have to know. You want to know.”

“If you want me to know the god damn bong’s name so badly then just tell me it you dumb ass.” I snap, annoyed. I only have the patience of dealing with high Clyde if I’m high as well.

“Clyde I’m trying to have a conversation with Craig.” Clyde ignores Token and inhales deeply. He clears his throat and his face suddenly gets very serious. I’ve learned very early on that nothing good comes out of Clyde when he gets ‘serious’.

He slowly starts to rotate the bong around so I can see the front of it as he speaks. “It’s Bong…” The top part of the bong is white but as he turns it I realize the bottom part that’s black is painted to be shaped kind of like a tux jacket, complete with a tie and everything. I quickly realize what this is turning into and groan. “James Bong.”

Honestly, it is kind of funny, and really fucking clever too. I’d bet a million bucks though the dumb ass just got it from some internet meme or something so it’s a little less clever. I’m almost, almost, impressed.

“Did you get that off of Facebook?”

“Oh fuck you, Craig! Why do you always assume I get everything from facebook?” Clyde lets out something between a sob, groan and sigh and it comes out sounding really weird.

“He got it from Facebook.” Token confirms.

“Token not you too!” Clyde mutters something about going to go cry alone in the bathroom before he gets up and leaves the room.

“So,” Token slowly starts as soon as the peace has returned with Clyde’s sudden disappearance. “You got a job?”

I grunt and pick up James Bong and the lighter lying next to it. The bowl looks kind of empty, but I shrug it off and hit the piece anyways.

“Where are you working at?” I exhale slowly, half to savor the decent hit and the other half to procrastinate telling Token about my new job.

Tweek is actually kind of a touchy subject between the three of us. We used to actually be friends with the twitchy little fuck. One day Tweek stopped going to class as much and pulled away from us. We tried to stay in touch with him but whenever we’d visit his house his parents would send us away and Tweek was obviously going out of his way to ignore us.

As time passed we drifted further and further apart until we no longer even talked to him. Then for a time he even became friends with Cartman and those assholes and we were pissed. Ever since it always did kind of feel like we were missing something in our friend group and the subject remained to be unspoken and honestly kind of awkward.

So when I say ,“Tweek Bros,” it’s a pretty damn shocking thing.

Token is silent and staring. His face is relatively blank so it’s hard to figure out what he’s thinking. I chose to ignore the silence by hitting the bong a second time before deeming it truly empty. By the time, I empty the bowl and start refilling it from the little sandwich baggy sitting on the coffee table Token finally speaks.

“How the hell did that happen?”

“Well remember how I told Kenny I want a job so I can buy that nice ass car?” Token nods. “Apparently Kenny’s been working there. I guess him and Tweek are actually friends too. Kenny’s been thinking about quitting it so he could focus on being a shady ass drug dealer and he offered me the job.”

Token’s staring at me in silence again. He always does this when he’s thinking too hard. I fucking hate it. But finally Token speaks up.

“I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything, but you actually accepted the offer?” I shrug and hit the greens. As I exhale I pass James to Token who hesitantly takes it.

“Well, he kind of told me about Tweek. Something about how he’s not quite what you’d expect or whatever. Plus he smokes weed.” Token inhales sharply while he was in the middle of hitting the bong and ends up coughing violently. “I didn’t really believe him and I was super fucking curious.” I pause. “Plus Kenny offered me an entire free ounce.”

And I really did need a job.

Token starts coughing harder. At this moment Clyde enters the room again, now carrying a bowl of cereal. Clyde plops himself down beside me and stuffs a spoonful of Captain Crunch into his mouth. “Vhats hisf broplem?” Clyde asks through a full mouth. I chose to ignore him, but Clyde stars kicking my leg repeatedly while chanting my name in between bites.

Clyde is an annoying fuck head.

“He’s freaking out over the fact I got a fucking job at Tweek Bros.”

Telling Clyde was a mistake. Cue face full of cereal spit. Fucking nasty.

Token seemed to have recovered slightly sometime during Clyde spitting food all over me. He presses a hand to his chest as he breathes deeply. “That and the fact that Tweek apparently smokes weed now.”

A high pitched squeal emits from Clyde and I watch in horror as the bowl of cereal starts slipping from his hands. In a feat that both surprises me and prides me, I reach out and catch the bowl before any of it can create a nasty ass mess.

“What? Just w-what?” Clyde’s mouth keeps opening and closing. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s utterly mind blown by the idea of stoner Tweek.

“Oh and Kenny gave me an entire ounce for taking over his job, something about being Tweek’s shift friend or buddy or whatever.”

“Holy. Shit. What. What. What. What.” I’ll be honest; I take pleasure over perplexing my friends so much, even if what’s confusing them so much is also confusing the fuck out of me too.

“When did this all happen?” Token asks, shaking his head. Clyde is still saying ‘what’ over and over again so I reach out and punch him in the arm.

“Ahhhh Craaaaig!”

“I don’t fucking know. I came over to ask you that.” Clyde keeps whining some shit about spouse abuse or whatever.

“Dude I haven’t talked to Tweek in years, how am I supposed to know?”

“I don’t know, you know everything so you’re supposed to know.” James Bong is passed to me and I take it happily. Being high is probably my favorite hobby. Token always says that it can’t be a hobby, but I beg to differ.

“That’s bullshit Craig, I don’t know everything. Jeez, we haven’t talked to Tweek in what, five or six years?” I freeze and idly pass James to Clyde.

Has it really been that long? It’s still hard to believe that this is going to be my final year of high school. I don’t feel like an almost adult. I swear to god puberty was only like a year ago. I guess it really has been five or six years though.

“Shit, we’re getting old!” Clyde cries, sounding absolutely horrified.

“Are you sure Kenny wasn’t lying about Tweek smoking weed?” Token asks. I sigh and the memory of watching Tweek with the cigarette disguised joint consumes me. The sight of Tweek smoking a cigarette surprised the shit out of me, but I recognized the smell burning to not be one of tobacco but marijuana.

I had asked to try the joint just to make sure it really was what he said it was. The memory of Tweek practically shitting a brick and choking to death in front of me does make me smile slightly. That first moment was more like the Tweek I remember.

“Positive. He showed up at work smoking a joint. I even took a drag to make sure it was real.” Token lets out a shrill whistle and leans back into the couch.

“You guys, promise me you’ll tell me when I start getting grey hair.” Clyde has his hands in his hair and he’s running them through it rapidly. The action just reminds me of Tweek and once again I’m mind blown over today.

“Shut the fuck up Clyde. You’re not old.”

“Craig don’t be such an ass.” Mama Token to the rescue, whoop-di-doo. “You know it’s not really our business if Tweek smokes weed or not. We smoke weed. Everyone at South Park high pretty much smokes weed.”

Now that’s the big ugly truth. I even smoked good ‘ol marijuana with Wendy Fucking Testaburger at a party once.

“Yeah, but this is Tweek we’re talking about!” Clyde exclaims, suddenly joining our conversation on a relevant scale. “Remember in fourth grade when he was convinced the sun was going to burn his skin off? Or when we walked by that person smoking a cigarette and he freaked out over lung cancer?” Token snorts at the memory and I can’t help but smirk slightly.

In all honestly the more exciting memories always included our local crazy kid. Half the school is split between adoring Tweek and hating him. Yeah, he’s kind of crazy but it had been unspoken that he was our crazy. I can’t believe I was just realizing how much has changed. Why did I never question or care about Tweek’s sudden distance?

Well it’s not like I never cared. It was more- ugh. Nevermind.

“Well, people change.” Token points out with a halfhearted shrug.

“I don’t change!” Clyde exclaims, throwing up his arms.

“Yeah you fucking do.” I snap. “Your IQ dropped at least a solid twenty points dude.” I’m proud of myself over that one but Clyde starts whining which is annoying. Then Token is split between laughing and reassuring Clyde.

Moments like these are pretty common but what’s new is the fact that y thoughts just kept going back to a certain blonde boy.

Honestly, it’s pissing me off. I shouldn’t be so focused on it. It shouldn’t matter. People change. Someone I used to be friends with has changed and now I work with them. So what? Get the fuck over it Craig Tucker. You hate change, but it’s inevitable.

So why can’t I get him out of my head?

Xxx

The next day I arrive at Tweak Bros. ten minutes earlier than the whole ‘come over ten minutes early’. Meaning I was twenty minutes early and felt like a moron. I swear I’m no eager to get back to work; I just want to get work over with.

That’s it.

I decide to pass the extra time as casually as possible by standing out front and smoking a cigarette. I try my hardest to keep my gaze on the wandering pedestrians outside, or the annoying ass birds that keep circling the air above me… But the cozy ambiance of a certain coffee shop just keeps stealing my attention. More particularly a certain barista is just very distracting.

Tweek stands behind the counter in the shop. Five tables inside the shop are occupied but no one is currently at the front counter. Tweek is slouched over, his fingers tapping rapidly on the surface. His mouth is moving slightly, rapidly speaking unheard words. His eyes look kind of glazed over and kind of red. Is he high? The thought makes me feel a twinge of something.

I would have spent the entire extra ten minutes of waiting outside if it wasn’t so goddamn cold. Seriously, it shouldn’t be this damn chilly in summer. In the end I have no choice but to walk through the front doors and into the warm embrace of the coffee shop as soon as the tobacco stick is smoked down most of the way.

As the door dings closed Tweek perked up, his mouth automatically opening and his eyes widening. Honestly those green ass eyes are kind of distracting.

“W- Welcome to Tweek Bros. co-“ Tweek stops suddenly as his eyes met mine. “A-Ack! C-Craig.”

“Tweek,” I respond blandly. I mean, what else am I supposed to say? An awkward ‘hello’ or ‘what do you want punk’ or maybe even ‘hi Tweek why don’t you get the fuck out of my head already’? Neither option is exactly pleasant either.

“I, ngh, remembered to order your n-nametag! It’ll be here in a-about a week.” I shrug impassively, feeling kind of awkward and unsure what to say. “I g-guess you can continue to be K-Kenny or just not wear a nametag until then.”

“Okay.”

“B-But you still have fifteen minutes until you start so you can hang o-out in the break room or start n-now. It’s up to y-you.” Tweek seems a little more relaxed than yesterday. At a closer proximity I could with clarity see how bloodshot his eyes are. He doesn’t smell like weed at all though. How was I even supposed to know what Tweek was like when he was high anyways?

“Okay.” I turn to start walking towards the break room when Tweek squeaks some weird protest. I turn towards him and his cheeks are red in what I assume to be embarrassment.

“Do you w-want some c-coffee or s-something?”

To be honest I fucking hate coffee. It’s nasty as fuck. It tastes like actual liquid shit and it looks like it too. But, I’m tired. Really fucking tired. I was up half the night with Token and Clyde having a GTA gaming spree while smoking weed. It was nice but in the end, despite it being almost one in the afternoon, I only got about four hours of sleep.

“Sure.” I shrug.

“W-well what do you want?” Shit. What kind of coffee do people normally even drink? Was it like a chocolate latte or something? SHIIIIIT.

“I don’t care. Just make whatever.” Tweek is sputtering something about pressure as I turn on my heels and leave the room.

Tweek is the coffee Jedi master or whatever; I honestly have full faith in him making a surprise coffee for me. It’s all nasty anyways.

When I step into the break room the first thing I noticed is that the weird ass music Tweek listens to is playing. It’s playing the in the shop too but in here it’s louder and at a more casual volume rather than the barely there background music it plays as in the shop. The next thing I notice is the undeniable smell of marijuana.

I was right. Tweek is fucking high. The thought is still mind blowing. Just – fuck. On the coffee table my gaze falls on a light green, moderate sized, bubbler. I step closer to the table and sit down on the couch. There’s a little sandwich baggy that’s about a quarter of the way full of a certain green plant and the bowl of the bubbler looks to be just about all ash. I notice the lighter and a surprise burst of laughter escapes me.

The lighter is black with a white coffee cup on it. In gold flowing letters the lighter so boldly claims “Coffee is my anti-drug”. I don’t exactly understand what the fuck irony is but I want to say that the fucking lighter is ironic as fuck.

The break room is honestly weird. There’s a tiny little bathroom shoved in one corner with a closet next to it. The closet is bigger than the actual bathroom and is filled with cleaning supplies. Just fucking cleaning supplies. I have a feeling that this is all thanks to Tweek.

In one of the other corners of the room is the set of three lockers, something I don’t quite understand the use of. In the opposite corner are shelves full of boxes of coffee grounds, coffee sweeteners, coffee syrups, coffee cups and pretty much anything needed to run a freaking coffee shop. On the opposite wall of the shop are the sound system and a few feet in front of that is the two couches and coffee table. The room is a pretty decent size but I feel like it’s just really weird.

I cross the room to the locker that Tweek pulled the shit out of yesterday and open it up. Hanging on one of the hooks is a black hoodie. I’m guessing it’s Tweek but it seems weird to think of him wearing anything besides green. I swear he lives in green.

I grab the remaining, sure enough, green apron and put it on. I really don’t like aprons. They make me feel like a 50’s pin up housewife, don’t ask me why. After a moment of consideration I put on Kenny’s name tag then I seat my ass down on the couch.

In all honestly I really want to try out that stupid green bubbler and ironic lighter but it feels wrong. Instead I sigh and stand up to leave the room. Right as I’m about to reach the door though it opens, nearly slamming me in the face.

“Fuck!” I exclaim, stepping back.

Tweek’s red face appears around the side of the door. “A-Aagugh!” He shakes his head and sheepishly steps inside the room. He’s holding a large hot coffee in one hand and the other hand is twisted into the collar of his shirt. “I’m so s-sorry!” He honestly looks pretty fucking terrified. What? Does he think I’d fucking punch him for nearly slamming the door in my face or something?

“It’s fine.” Tweek hesitantly holds out the coffee and I take it from him. He stands there, staring at his feet, fidgeting slightly. I watch as he shakes his head slightly and inhales deeply. As he finishes exhaling he looks up with a shy smile. His eyes drift to behind me, to the coffee table more specifically, and his face is suddenly full of dread.

His cheeks flame a brighter red than before and his jaw drops. Did he accidentally leave out the bubbler? Would appear so… “O-Oh. U-Um, you p-probably saw the s-stuff on the t-table, huh?”

No shit Sherlock. “Yeah.”

“D-Do you want to s-smoke some before you start your shift?” Hell yeah I do.

Instead I simply shrug. “Sure.” I paused. “What about all the customers?”

“Nngh, there’s a sign on the counter. T-They’re supposed to ring the b-bell if they need help.” Well that makes sense, I guess. I shrug and fallow Tweek to the couches. I sit down on the one opposite of him and watch as he pulls a black ash tray towards him and uses a poker to empty the bowl of the bubbler.

“I like your lighter.” Tweek jumps and lets out a squeal. His green eyes dart up to mine and widens. Red blossoms on his cheeks again and I swear he didn’t blush this much yesterday. Does weed make him a bashful little fuck or something?

“O-Oh god.” He groans as his face drops into his hands. I smirk to myself when I notice that even the tips of his ears are red. “That’s s-so embarrassing.” He pulls his hands off his face and then gets back to loading the piece with shaky hands. “Kenny f-found it somewhere and bought it f-for me as a joke.”

“Sounds like Kenny.” Tweek finishes filling the piece and with shy hands hold it out towards me. I take the bubbler and when I hit it, it hit smooth and well. I approve. I can’t help but wonder what its name is; I mean all pieces have a name. In the end I really don’t care enough to ask.

When I pass the bubbler back to Tweek he wastes no time taking it and then flicking the lighter to life. Watching Tweek smoke is instantly distracting. Everything about the twitchy fucker is distracting.

His eyelashes flutter to a near close as he focuses on the task at hand. When he’s smoking he’s the most still and calm I’ve ever seen him.

Once he’s inhaled enough he releases the lighter and leans back, his head tipping up slightly. His eyes remain closed and when he starts to exhale his eyes slowly open and a ghost of smoke swirls around him before turning to nothing. It’s compelling how his lips turn up ever so slightly at the corners.

Why the hell is this kid so fucking distracting?

I busy myself by taking a sip of the coffee Tweek made me. It’s hot, really fucking hot but it’s also actually kind of good. I’m impressed.

Really fucking impressed.

Chapter Text

Chapter Five
The Misadventures of Craig and Tweek (and Kenny)

The second day of working with Tweek is coming to a close and overall the day went rather well. Working at the coffee shop is starting to seem a lot better than I originally thought it’d be. Weed did wonders for Tweek. He’s obviously much more calm and happy. He doesn’t look on the verge of passing out either, so I assume he’s been sleeping better. Tweek always did have problems sleeping; I’m guessing that’s one thing that never changed about him.

The shop officially closed ten minutes ago so now we’re in the process of closing shop. Closing shop pretty much consists of turning off coffee machines and cleaning. It’s not the most exciting thing in the world but it’s not bad either.

The music is turned up and I’m distracted by two things. One being Tweek and how anal attentive he is with cleaning and the second being how fucking weird his music is. Haunting lyrics of going straight to hell wafts through the air around us and yeah, it’s really fucking distracting. And creepy. Really creepy. But also kind of catchy…

Tweek is in the middle of explaining the importance of wiping off the seats (something about hemorrhoids or maybe not hemorrhoids but something else, I really don’t know) when the front door swings open.

Tweek stops talking with a wrangled scream, but I take the situation much more calmly by simply glancing at the door; which is, in fact, a normal person’s reaction to someone walking inside a building. It’s also only Kenny walking in with all his usual swagger and that stupid old ratty gray backpack of his.

I hate Kenny.

Okay, hate might be a strong word but hate is also pretty close to what it came down to. He’s one nosy fucker and he’s honestly sketchy as fuck. Who runs their shady ass drug business out of the same backpack they use for school?

When I want to kick back and get stoned he’s okay, but that would be just about it and I have plenty of people to go to first when it came to getting stoned. Like Token… and Clyde. Yeah, Token and Clyde. Needless to say, I usually go out of my way to avoid Kenny.

And don’t even get me started on how goddamn touchy he is. Last summer at one crazy party we were both blackout drunk and hooked up once. Just once. Ever since Kenny is always trying to use me as a booty call and it drives me fucking insane. Just no. I’m not your goddamn fucking booty call you asshole. Go fuck some other poor innocent soul.

The smug dickwad smiles widely at us and enters the shop like he owns the place. It’s pissing me off… He just locks the door behind him then drops his stupid backpack on one of the tables we had just fucking cleaned.

“Lookie here, it’s my two favoritist people in the world. All in the same room!” Kenny exclaims with way too much enthusiasm. I glance over at Tweek and interestingly enough his eyes are wide and he looks like he’s almost in awe. For this asshole? What the fuck.

“What do you want McCormick?” I snap irritated. Why does Tweek look at him like that? It’s almost like Tweek thinks he’s seeing god or something. What the actual fuck?

Kenny lowers his hood, revealing his way to perfect face. “Hey now mister,” Don’t call me mister you dickwad, “that’s no way to talk to the lovable ol’ guy who got you a job, is it?” Kenny glanced over at Tweek and winks. The action causes the twitchy blonde to squeak slightly and blush. I shouldn’t feel as angry as I do over that but I do, feel angry – that is.

“W-Why are you here Kenny?” Tweek asks as he walks away from the counter and towards said jackass. Tweek eyes Kenny’s backpack with a look of total disdain, probably agonizing over the dirt being subjected onto the recently cleaned surface or whatever. Tweek is that anal when it comes to cleaning. I swear to god he wasn’t this bad when we were kids.

“C’mon, don’t you miss me?” Kenny croons annoyingly. Seriously he needs to shut up and leave now. Ugh My relative good mood is currently being kidnaped, manhandled and then strangled before being rudely shoved into a toilet where it is promptly drowned and flushed into the oblivion called hell.

“No,” I state bluntly and boldly. No point hiding the truth after all. I don’t bullshit, especially when it comes to Kenny McCormick.

Of course, Kenny just ignores me and continues on his own merry fucking way. “Well, you better love me because I brought you your favorite strain.” I was going to continue harass Kenny to leave but pause to think about what he just claimed. I may have a problem with turning down weed. Weed is great. Free weed is even better. How can you turn away something so amazing?

“Critical Kush?” Tweek practically squeals all of the sudden. He seems instantly eager and brightened up in a puppy-like manner that reminds me of Clyde. The sudden character change is kind of startling. It would seem Tweek takes his weed just about as serious as I do.

Which is still so weird…

I’m getting ready to sass douchebag McCormick but then instead I think over what Tweek just said. Did he say Critical Kush?

Wait, shit. We have the same favorite strain? Fuck. Of course we do. Of fucking course we do. What a fucking coincidence. What the actual fuck.

“Ding, ding, ding!” Kenny unzips his backpack and instantly the strong aroma of marijuana floods my senses. Tweek screams as Kenny pulls a quart sized zip lock bag out of his backpack and so boldly presents the large quantity of drugs to us.

“Kenny!” Tweek screeches, sounding absolutely horrified. “People will see!” I bite my lip to hold back a burst of laughter as Tweek dives at Kenny. Tweek promptly grabs Kenny’s arm and shoves it back into the ratty old gray backpack, properly obscuring the greens from public view. Kenny laughs and tries reassuring Tweek that it’ll be fine.

“What w-would I tell my p-parents if their store gets shut down because of drugs? Oh, Jesus! That cannot happen!” Tweek steps away from Kenny and his hands wrestle their way into his hair. The action reminds me of the cold air that brushes against my own scalp.

The biggest drawback of this job so far has been the lack of familiar blue hat that is supposed to occupy my head and keep me feeling toasty freaking fresh. I honestly feel naked without it.

Kenny gives Tweek a pointed look that makes Tweek grimace slightly and remain silent. I wonder what that’s all about. Kenny laughs at Tweek who just crosses his arms. “Exactly!” Kenny exclaims as Tweek just huffs in exasperation.

Well. Somehow I missed that silent conversation. Thanks assholes for including me.

“Well let me drug proof the room then.” Tweek mutters, sounding like a stubborn child.

“I can’t believe this is an actual thing.” I don’t mean to say the words out loud and I don’t even realize I do until Tweek looks over his shoulder and gives me a perplexed look. Tweek looks like he’s afraid I’m going to disapprove of him or something. In fact, he looks like a kicked puppy.

Shit. I thought Clyde was a shitty little dog, but Tweek trumps Clyde’s any day. Holy shit. If only I could show this to Token, he’d flip.

Tweek slowly turns around and starts busying himself by closing the blinds followed by unlocking and relocking the door a pointless several times.

“What thing Craigy-poo?” I shoot Kenny a sharp glare and without much thought I’m flipping him off. How could I not hate Kenny when he called me shit like Craigy-poo? Kenny pays no mind to me flipping him off and stares at me patiently, waiting for my answer.

“I can’t believe Tweek Freaking Tweak actually smokes weed.” I admit with a halfhearted shrug. I mean c’mon. It is pretty mind blowing. Even Token agreed with me which means it has to be like fact or whatever.

“You mean you guys didn’t get high at all today?” Kenny looks over at Tweek who gives a sheepish smile and shrug.

“W-We did.” Hell yeah we did.

“And you still can’t get over it?” I flip Kenny off. “ Holy shit that’s sad.” I fought back the urge to snap obscenities at him but really? That’s way too much effort that Kenny really is not worth any real effort. Tweek is glaring at Kenny with narrowed eyes and I scowl as Kenny laughs, reaches out and ruffles the crazed blonde hair belonging to Tweek.

“Well, let dear ol’ Kenny take care of you two.” Kenny pauses and winks at Tweek. “It’s time to get blazed my friends.” Tweek smiles brilliantly as Kenny pulls the bag of weed back out of his backpack. “Craig, my friend, you will soon understand why I was so sad to leave this blessed little job.”

--------------

My grasp on time has never been more distorted. I know it’s only been about maybe an hour, but it feels like days have passed since the three of us congregated to the break room to get blissfully high. The room is hazy and the music is blasting so loud that the coffee table is actually rattling.

At this point, I only know two things for sure.

One: We’re all as high as a fucking kite. I’m talking soaring in the fucking sky, high above the clouds and dancing with fucking angels or some shit. We’re hiiiiiigh (as Clyde would say while slowly nodding like some hippy or whatever).

Two: Kenny cannot fucking rap.

If Kenny trying to rap wasn’t so goddamn funny I’d probably punch him just to get him to shut up. Unfortunately, there’s no Kenny beat up session here because for once in his life Kenny has managed to actually be funny.

Tweek is giggling helplessly as Kenny very enthusiastically raps along to Snoop Dog. I’m not actually laughing, but I can’t wipe the stupid ass smile off my face. It’s all so pointlessly funny because Kenny obviously doesn’t even know the majority of the words and, therefore, chooses to replace each word with either a colorful arrange of curse words or phrases that narrates what’s currently going on.

It probably wouldn’t be nearly as funny as it is if we weren’t all so high.

“Tweek is giggling like a school girl, school girl. I’ve got the fucking munchies, munchies. Craig is still an asshole, asshole.” Tweek is no longer giggling but fucking roaring with laughter.

Watching Tweek laugh is strange. I hardly cared to be angry at Kenny for calling me an asshole because I’m that fucking distracted by my co-worker.

Tweek’s eyes are scrunched up and the green is glistening with unshed tears. His hands are raised to cover his mouth, the band aid covered fingers trembling. His entire body is shaking ever so slightly up and down with the action of laughing so hard. Tweek’s eyebrows furrow together and even the way his hair shakes and lights up under the harsh glare of the light bulb is distracting. Then there’s just the sound of him laughing. It’s uncontrolled, wild and so free. It’s honestly just fascinating.

I can’t tear my eyes away from him and it’s seriously annoying as fuck.

Not to mention the fact that Tweek’s laughter is infectious. It makes me want to laugh.

Kenny just continues to ‘rap’. He switches to his favorite curse words and vulgar language about fucking our old dead elementary teacher or something. Tweek just continues to laugh harder and Kenny glances at me. Kenny’s attention reminds me that it’s my turn to hit the pipe and so I do just that. Kenny says something that suddenly makes Tweek scream in surprise before laughing even harder.

Tweek is rocking back and forth in his seat, trying his hardest to contain his laughter. I can’t hold it back anymore and a burst of laughter escapes me. Unfortunately, I was mid hit and I’m instead sent into a fit of coughing. Between my choking, which just reminds me of seeing Tweek again for the first time yesterday, and Tweek’s raucous laughter; Kenny finally gives in and stops rapping to start laughing.

Tears are practically streaming down Tweek’s face now and he’s gasping for breath.

And then there is silence.

Pure utter silence. With the abrupt absence of music, the three of us fall silent besides me as I wheeze in an attempt to breathe. Kenny stares over his shoulder at the sound system. Tweek’s eyebrows are furrowed as he wipes at the tears that peppers their way down his face. He stops then glances up at Kenny and me. He pouts stubbornly, giving off that damn puppy look.

“S-Snoopy come back?” He whimpers.

Everything in the room freezes at that moment. Did Tweek really just say that?
As if with the realization of what he said, Tweek visibly pales and his eyes widen in panic. Kenny’s head slowly turns until he’s staring at Tweek in open surprise. I wouldn’t be surprised if my own expression mirrors Kenny’s.

“Snoopy?” Kenny chokes out with an obvious amount of effort. Tweek winces as simultaneously Kenny and I burst into laughter. We have to be laughing just about as hard as Tweek had been just moments ago. I MEAN THERE ARE TEARS COMING FROM MY EYES I’M LAUGHING SO HARD.

I can’t breathe. I just can’t get over what Tweek just said. It’s just so goddamn… cute. Holy shit. No Craig, not cute. Just funny. Just really fuuuunny. Tweek lets out a screech and his hands reach up to cover as much of his face as possible. Unfortunately, his splayed fingers don’t cover as much as he probably hoped. Tweek is turning a whole new shade of red.

I mean really. It’s pretty impressive.

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO SAY THAT!!” He screams loudly. He shakes his head and I can’t help but laugh harder. I can’t even remember the last time I laughed this hard. I can barely remember the last time I’ve even really laughed. It’s strange but not bad.

“OH MY GOD TWEEK THAT IS THE BEST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY.” Kenny roars, making him laugh that much harder. I take several deep breaths trying to calm down and regain my composure. Tweek glances at me between his fingers and looks visibly relieved by me toning down on the laughter.

Oh man. I don’t want to stop making Tweek embarrassed. Not when it’s that entertaining. Instead of simply trying to gain back my usual stoic attitude I decide to speak up.

“Oh Snoopy, come back!” I mock with a smirk. Tweek’s eyes widen and his hands drop just as his jaw does. The red stain on his cheeks had been receding but now it returns with full force. Kenny practically screams with laughter, so loud it makes me wince but I can’t help but laugh softly too at the look on Tweek’s face.

“Oh n-no, I am not sitting here all night while you laugh over t-this!” Tweek exclaims angrily. Tweek shoots up but before he can turn and leave Kenny grabs his wrist. Tweek huffs in disdain as Kenny tries to calm down enough to speak.

“C’mon Tweeky, don’t leave. I’m sure-“ Kenny cuts off to laugh again. “I’m sure Snoopy will come back eventually.” Tweek lets out a horrified cry and jerks his hand away from Kenny. I can’t help but burst out laughing at the look on Tweek’s face of sheer utter betrayal.

Tweek makes one of his usual guttural whines before he turns on his heel and storms out of the room. Kenny is still roaring with laughter and as I calm down I sit there and watch him, only partially amused. Eventually, Kenny stops laughing hysterically.

“Oh god, that was classic.” Kenny croons. I roll my eyes and suddenly Kenny gets serious, way to serious. “So, what do you think of the job?”

I think I might actually like it. “It’s fine.” I say instead. Kenny gives me an annoying look that seems like he’s trying to say ‘I see through your lies Tucker’.

“That’s good. You’ll be good for Tweek.” I don’t get what that’s supposed to mean but I seriously don’t care enough to press the issue. “Tweek is seriously awesome. I don’t understand why so many people don’t like him.”

“They don’t know him.” I point out without meaning to. I had intended to remain indifferently silent. I mentally scold myself, but Kenny just grins at me.

“You’re right.” Kenny pushes himself off the couch and moves to sit next to me. I groan, very unhappily, as he slings his arm over my shoulders. I cross my arms and glare at him. “Wanna go back to my place later?” Cue annoying ass wink.

“I’m not your fucking booty call McCormick.”

“Your loss Fucker.” Kenny winks and I flip him off. I jerk away from him so that his arm is no longer around me.

“Don’t call me fucker you jackass.”

“Oh did I say Fucker? I meant to say, Tucker.” You seriously have no idea how many times I’ve heard that one.

Real claaaaaassy McCormick. Real classy.

“I’m leaving.” I stand up, but Kenny just jumps up and follows me.

“You look better without your hat.” He sounds painfully smug and full of himself. I curse under my breath and glare at Kenny who laughs maniacally as I turn around and make a b-line to the lockers so I can grab my trusty chullo.

Kenny waits for me to grab my hat before we exit the break room together. I shove the article onto my head and kick the door open with my foot. Behind the counter, Tweek is adding syrups to his thermos which I’m assuming is full of espresso shots and milk.

“Ah, of course, our little Twinkie would be making coffee.” Kenny croons. He flocks to Tweek’s side and puts his filthy hand on Tweek’s cheek and pats it. Tweek rolls his eyes and swats his hand away as if it was just an annoying fly.

“Should you really be drinking coffee this late?” I ask out of genuine curiosity. I know Tweek has issues sleeping, but coffee at night probably doesn’t help. Tweek glances over at me, surprised that I asked him such a question. Kenny on the other hand just laughs and slings one arm around Tweek’s shoulder and the other around my own.

I send Kenny a glare to hopefully express how much I truly hate him, but he doesn’t even bat a damn eyelash. “Oh Craig, that is truly hilarious.” I pull Kenny’s arm off me and put several feet of distance between us. Tweek just continues to stand there under Kenny’s touch, staring at me with those wide green eyes.

“How the fuck is that hilarious. I’m being serious. Coffee before bed does not equal sleep. I know Tweek has obvious sleep issues.”

“You see Craigy-poo, Tweek doesn’t sleep. He’s your classic inso-maniac.” Okay, I’m pretty sure that’s not the right word.

“It’s i-insomniac dumb ass.” Tweek abruptly spits out, while glaring at Kenny between narrowed eyes.

Tweek calling Kenny a dumb ass is completely unexpected and absolutely hilarious and perfect. Just abso-fucking-lutely perfect. I almost actually laugh over that one. In fact, a snort actually escapes me and Tweek turns his shining green eyes on me and they’re wide with surprise.

“You’re a dumbass, Kenny. But that sucks.” I guess. Tweek seems satisfied with my last comment directed at him. Kenny doesn’t get angry at me for calling him a dumbass or anything and instead he winks. Of course Kenny just winks.

Kenny’s phone chimes and Tweek cries out in surprise. He slips away from Kenny and flocks to be closer to me as Kenny checks his phone. Once again, no surprise here, I’m distracted by Tweek as he watches Kenny curiously. He holds his thermos up to his lips as he blows on it slowly.

“Hey, there’s a party at Grayson’s!” Kenny says after he reads the text he received on his phone. That reminds me… Token and Clyde probably texted me by now.

“W-Wait? Isn’t it T-Thursday? Jesus!” Tweek looks so confused over the idea of partying on a Thursday. It’s honestly kind of cute. God damn it. Not cute. Funny. Tweek is just a funny fucking guy. Fuck. Get it together Craig.

“Oh my sweet innocent little Tweeker.” Kenny croons. I watch in disgust as he reaches out and forces the fidgety blonde into a one-sided hug. “It doesn’t matter what the day of the week is. There are always parties.” And that right there is another sad truth. In a town with just about nothing to do, the local teenagers to turn to their only solace: getting plastered. Tweek looked doubtful. “Now it’s time we get going! A party is never complete without Kenny McCormick, local drug dealer.”

“Oh MAN! N-No way! No fucking w-way man! Jesus C-Christ no f-fucking way!” Tweek screams. He looks full on terrified at the idea of being forced to a party. Tweek dashes away from Kenny and surprisingly takes shelter behind me. I glance over my shoulder at him and he glances up at me sheepishly.

“Oh Tweek come on, it’ll be fun!” Kenny begs. I wince as he dramatically drops to one knee and shakes his hands that are clutched together into a fist. It quickly became obvious to him that that tactic isn’t going to work so he shrugs it off and stands up.

“You’re going, right Craig?” Kenny asks with a wink. I pull out my phone and glance at the screen as it lights up. Unsurprisingly there are several texts from both Token and Clyde declaring we were going to party it up tonight at Grayson’s.

“Nope,” I pop the ‘p’. Kenny’s jaw drops.

“What, no! You have to go. C’mon Tweek, remember how long it took to convince you to smoke weed?” Tweek steps away from me and stares at Kenny skeptically. The new knowledge that Kenny had convinced Tweek to smoke weed gets filed into the back of my head. “Then you finally tried it and loooooved it, right?”

Tweek nods. “Well believe me, buddy, you will absolutely love partying. Trust me!” Kenny steps closer to Tweek and I can tell that he’s actually considering it.

“NO!” He finally shouts, his cheeks reddening slightly. So never mind… Tweek isn’t considering it.

“Oh come on! I can hook you up! I can get you some free coke or ecstasy. Maybe some hydros or oxy. I can even get it all if your little heart really desires it.” Kenny offers. Tweek’s eyes practically bulge in shock.

“Jesus C-Christ! No way m-man. Augh! What if they’re l-laced with f-fucking poison? I don’t w-want to die man!” I can’t help but chuckle at Tweek’s worries. I liked this side of Tweek. This was what Tweek is supposed to be like. I’ve actually missed this Tweek.

“Oh god Tweek don’t worry they’re not laced with anything.”

“I’m not going, Kenny.”

“I can get you laid! Be it boy or girl, whatever your virgin ass desires.” Tweek turns very, very, red. “Trust me I know a lot of guys who are totally into blonde twinks.” OH god. If I had been eating or drinking anything, I probably would have just spit it out.

“I don’t want to have s-sex with some guy!” Okay no, this is too awkward. I think it’s about time to leave now. I pull out my phone and quickly text Token back.

Craig: Party at Graysons? Sounds good i'm ready to get drunk.

And that right there is the solid truth. After dealing with Kenny, my buzz is going down and I’m ready to get my crunk on (another thing Clyde’s diminishing intelligence says a lot).

“What, a girl, really? You sure Tweek? I was always so sure you’re gay.” Were they seriously going to have this conversation right this second in front of me?

“Stop t-trying to guess my sexuality!” Holy shit.

“So you are gay? You know Tweekie with a few drinks I could always be your first.” Kenny winks and secretly I’m ready to punch him. “I’m sure even Craig would be more than willing!”

Oh SHIT WHAT. DID I JUST GET DRAGGED INTO THIS? OH HELL NO.

I drop my phone and Tweek swings around to stare at me. He looks absolutely mortified by this entire situation, but then again so am I sooo. I avoid his green gaze and drop down to the ground to pick my phone back up. Token had already texted me back. Meanwhile Tweek is screaming at Kenny in frustration.

Token: Awesome man. Meet me at my house soon. You still at work?

“I don’t w-want to have s-sex with anybody!”

I stand there whilst being too awkward to just leave. They continue to argue for a total of thirty-seconds before Tweek finally gives in. “How about t-this, I’ll go some o-other time!” Tweek looks like he regrets the words as soon as they’ve left his mouth.

“Oh, Tweek I fucking love you so much right now.” Kenny is wearing a terrifying shit-eating grin. I’m glad I’m not Tweek… “Okay in two weeks on Friday there’s going to be a rager at the Trap house in North Park. I’m picking you up at like nine.”

I know exactly what party Kenny is talking about and thank god I’ve already been planning on going. I do not trust Kenny to take care of Tweek at a party at the Trap house. That shit gets insane. Shit gets so insane I have a planned escape route for every single time I go to a party at said house.

“I change my m-mind!” Tweek squeals. He’s shaking his head and holding his hands up as a shield all the while slowly walking backwards. There’s not much space for him to escape, though, considering the counter is now pressing against his back.

“No can do Tweeky. You already promised. You gonna be there Craig?”

“Dawson’s right?” Kenny nods. “Yeah I’ll be there with Token and Clyde.” And Tweek looks pretty damn distressed.

“Do I really have to go?” He whimpers.

“You bet your skinny ass you do. Now, boys, if you’ll excuse me I have a party to attend to.” With classic Kenny exuberance, the skinny teenager disappears into the break room to retrieve his stash before exiting through the back door in the span of thirty seconds. With Kenny’s sudden disappearance, it leaves me and Tweek alone in silence.

He stares at me and I can’t stand the weight of his gaze. I glance down at my vibrating phone to see that Clyde is spamming me to hurry and get to Token’s. “Clyde’s whining his ass off for me to go meet up with him. What time should I be here tomorrow?” I ask.

It’s seriously really freaking weird that Tweek’s parents are who knows where and he’s left alone to run the shop. It sounds miserable.

“Um, whenever?”

“I’ll do the same hours tomorrow that I did today then.” I decide while knowing that if I’m hungover tomorrow there’s no way I’m coming in early.

“O-Okay.” We both stand there in silence for a moment.

“Well, I’m leaving. See ya.” I turn and raise my hand in farewell as I exit through the back door.

As soon as I’m a block away from the shop I pull out my cellphone and call Clyde, knowing he’s the perfect one to humor me. The annoying dipshit, of course, answers on the second ring with a high pitched, “Craaaaaaig.”

“Dude I just smoked so much fucking weed with Tweek motherfucking Tweek Tweak.”

Chapter Text

Friday and Saturday passed in a succeeding blur. Working with Craig on Friday went well. Craig was kind of grumpy, though, muttering something about a killer headache.

In the two days of working together we already somehow fell into a pattern of working in relative peaceful silence with a smoke break every hour or so.

The nice part of working at a coffee shop in South Park was the fact there were always lulls in the business day when you get virtually no customers. The lack of business worked as excellent smoke breaks. I liked smoking weed with Kenny but even more than that I loved smoking with Craig. Smoking with Craig was natural. It was so painfully easy and simple it felt like we’ve been smoking together for an eternity.

We both brought over our stashes and every other bowl came from each one of us. Music would weave its way around us and everything was sooo peaceful. There were no pressures of saying the right thing or always being on edge wondering when Kenny would harass me in some borderline sexual way. Not to mention there weren’t the random assortment of strangers coming in and out of the shop to buy weed.

Occasionally we’d break the silence with an offhand comment about one thing or another. Every once in awhile we’d even have an actual conversation over who knows what. Once we even got into an argument over whether cats or dogs were better. Craig insisted dogs but I was pretty damn adamant on cats.

It was honestly just about perfect. I never expected to find the perfect match of a smoking buddy in Craig Tucker but somehow I wasn’t about to complain. Not at all.

It did bring back memories of being friends with Craig though. And those made me feel kind of shitty.

Only days have passed since my parents left town but it feels like weeks.Saturday I worked the shift alone, but Sunday Craig came into work.

Sundays are my least favorite days of the week. Everyone hates Monday but no, I hate Sundays. Sundays always left my head buzzing. Sundays made me want to crawl into a giant black hole and disappear for forever. Sundays brought nothing but headaches and heartache. Sundays were no good.

I don’t get why my Dad kept the shop open even on Sundays. The day brought in next to no customers. We would get a wave of South Park citizens coming in before church and then another after church ends. That’s about it. The entire span of time from one to five gets you a total of maybe, just maybe, four customers. It’s not rare to receive only one customer, or even more commonly none. The only positive thing about working sundays is that the hours are cut down so that the shop closes at four instead of nine.

You know, I’m pretty sure it costs more money to keep the shop open on Sundays than we make on said day. I’ve learned early on it’s better not to question it.

At least today would be a good day to start teaching Craig how to make coffee. He seemed to finally get the hang of working a cash register and now even calculated the prices of coffee himself. Except he still always verifies it with me. It’s a slight draw back but hey, one step at a time.

Sundays were great baking days. Sunday baking days were just about the only thing I like about Sundays.

Once I got over the pressure of messing up when cooking I discovered I actually really liked it. The fact that I was a fucking fantastic chef helped. As long as you followed every step word-by-word I don’t understand how you can mess it up. At first I really freaked out over not understanding some directions but then I discovered my good pal google. You can fucking google directions on how to do certain directions. There are even youtube videos of people showing you how to do directions.

The direct-ception is confusing but welcomed.

It was in between customer wave A and B that Craig walked into the shop. He was already pulling his hat off his head and was stripping off his blue jacket. I was in the middle of throwing together all the ingredients to make triple fudge brownies when he entered.

I usually bake at home because the coffee shop doesn’t exactly have a full functioning kitchen and I had to make sure and bring all the ingredients over if I wanted to bake here. But with the constant buzzing in my head there was no way I could just stand around all day. I had to be doing something.

“Are you making cookies?” Craig asks as he rounds the counter and peers over my shoulder. Being close to Craig makes me squeamish.

“J-Jesus, no. They’re b-brownies.”

“You can make brownies?” I couldn’t tell if Craig sounded doubtful or impressed.I would like to assume he’s impressed but I know it’s probably the latter.

“Yes.” I say a little too sharply. Craig hmms and then walks off to the break room. Raspberry tarts were in the oven and as they heated the delicious smell reached me.

I’m dumping the brownie mix in a baking pan when Craig comes back into the room without his hat and wearing the shop apron along with Kenny’s name tag.

“Okay what the fuck. Why do brownies smell fruity? Are they secretly weed brownies or something? Like fruity weed brownies? That actually sounds pretty fucking good.” I scoff at Craig and shake my head. I, of course, was a little high and with the buzzing in my head I felt weirdly relaxed and carefree. This feeling is what I imagine being drunk or tipsy or whatever would be like.

“N-No Craig. T-Those are the r-raspberry tarts.” Craig gives me a skeptical look then marches his way over to the oven and jerks it open. With a sigh, he closes it and turns around. “S-See?”

“Well, fuck. You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” I feel heat rush to my cheeks and I roll my eyes then turn back to the brownies that were nearing completion. I grabbed the melted dark chocolate and poured it over the top of the brownie mix.

“So since when could you cook?” Craig moved so he was standing beside me. “I know for a fact you burnt mac ‘n cheese when we were kids.” This is the first mention of our childhood friendship and it’s strange. It makes me a little uncomfortable.

“Eighth grade.” I finish pouring the steaming chocolate and quickly go to the sink to rinse the bowl out. Craig continues to watch me, waiting for me to elaborate. “I-It was something Bentley w-wanted me to work on.”

Craig inhales slightly more sharply than usual and when I glance over my shoulder at him he looks confused and almost pissed. “Who’s Bentley?”

What’s up with that reaction? He almost sounds jealous.

“My last t-therapist.” A breath of air whooshes out of Craig and I can feel it on the back of my neck.

I’m usually kind of ashamed to admit to others I’ve had a therapist or whatever, even if it’s kind of obvious I have issues. With Craig, it’s different. Despite years of no interaction, I realize now that Craig is pretty much exactly the same. Somehow he’s managed to not change at all in the time from all the way from elementary school to our last year of high school. It’s impressive.

I feel like I’ve changed. Even with having changed, I still feel like Craig somehow knows me. I feel like I can admit to Craig that I’m kind of fucked in the head and he’d shrug it off like it’s nothing. I feel like he’d tell me that it changes nothing and move on with his day.

That kind of reaction is exactly what I need.

I’m proved right when Craig hums in idle thought.

“Why would a therapist tell you to work on cooking?” Craig’s voice is flat and monotone, but I can detect mild curiosity. He doesn’t sound judgmental or pitying or anything and it fills me with blissful relief.

I officially finish with the brownies so now all I had to do is wait for the tarts to finish cooking so I can put the brownies in the oven.

“S-Something about gaining c-control. He wanted me to f-find something t-that I felt like I was capable of.” I continued to explain to Craig nervously of why exactly cooking was so easily controllable. Craig takes all in stride and even interrupts me to ask a question or two.
As I finish explaining the timer dings and it’s time to lower the temperature of the oven as the tarts continue to bake.

“That’s good.” Craig says after I finish twiddling with the oven. There’s a long moment of drawn out silence. “That you found your control. Or whatever.”

“Y-Yeah.”

It’s silent until Craig speaks up. “Do you even get customers on Sundays?” The question makes me laugh softly. Kenny used to ask me the same question every Sunday and then would complain for the next hour or so.

“Not r-really. Ack- In about t-twenty minutes there will be h-half an hour of customers then p-probably nothing for the rest of the d-day.”

“Boring.” I take the dishes to the sink to rinse them out. “What’s your favorite thing to make?” Craig seems to be in a talkative mood today. Craig was never one for small talk. I ignore the oddity and start explaining how I just like to make desserts. Any kind of desserts.

“I d-don’t really like e-eating desserts or anything. But I like m-making them. T-They always seem to m-make people happy.” Craig hmms and nods. “O-Oh yeah. I’m going to t-teach you how to make coffee today.”

“Well shit.” Craig sighed heavily.

------

When customers finally started showing up for the after church rush I start walking Craig through the steps of making coffee. Coffee was going fairly well, but we had other problems.

With the two fresh baked products, Craig got confused with pricing all over again as customers repeatedly ordered tarts or brownies. In the end, I had to run cash register while very closely watch and instruct Craig in the making of caffeinated beverages.

“Craig.” I called out as I handed cash back to the current customer. Craig was very focused on trying to pour the grounded coffee beans into the proper cartridge. He was so focused that he was either ignoring me or he didn’t even hear me. “C-Craig.” He continues to focus on pouring the coffee. “Craig!” Craig curses as his hand jerks and coffee is spilled onto the counter.

“God damnit Tweek! What?”

“That’s n-not where y-you put the c-coffee.” Craig gives me a blank look before glancing back down at the piece in his hand before cursing under his breath.

“It’s-”

“Right here. I remember now. Damn it.” Craig snapped, obviously frustrated. He snatched up the proper part and started filling it with grounds. “This shouldn’t be so hard. So why am I having such a fucking problem?”

“H-Here, I’ll take o-over.” Craig has yet to make a coffee all by himself. Craig moves out of the way and very quickly I finish making the coffee as I move onto the next one. “Why d-don’t you get the blender g-going for the f-frappuccino.”

“How much milk am I supposed to add?”

“Half c-cup.”

We finish the two current orders and the shop cleared out. I made Craig start making me a coffee all by himself as practice. Right as he started the chime of the bell indicated that someone entered the shop. I step up to the cash register.

With a jolt I realize the blonde man who entered the vicinity was a customer for Kenny.
Sundays always were the best days for Kenny to conduct his side business. It had vaguely occurred to me that people might still come in looking for Kenny, but I had pretty much disregarded the thought.

“Is Kenny in?” The man asked as he reached the counter. I open my mouth to speak but panic and remain silent. Usually, I didn’t have to talk to these people at all. Sure I smoked with them but Kenny did all the talking. This man wasn’t here for coffee and for some reasons that really intimidated me.

The god damn buzzing in my head wasn’t helping.

“He doesn’t work here anymore.” I have never been so relieved to hear the nuances of a certain voice belonging to a tall stoic teenager.

“Oh. Is there a way I can reach him?”

“I don’t know. Call him or something.” Craig is fixing the college student with a glare that makes me shiver. The student looks chilled.

“Well, do you guys have his number?”

Craig shot me a questioning look as if asking if it was okay to give it away. I nod and Craig rattles off the seven digits.

Several minutes later the man left with a mocha in hand. Craig got back to making the coffee he had started before the customer intended for Kenny showed up.

“Does that happen often?” Craig asks suddenly. I stare at Craig, not understanding what he was asking. “People coming in here to buy shit from Kenny.” He elaborated.

“Oh,” I mutter, “yeah.” Craig finishes the coffee and plops a lid on before passing it to me.

“You were okay with that?” Craig looked surprised as I nodded. The tall teen whistled and shook his head. He looked confused and I couldn’t figure out why.

With a sigh it hits me. Craig really is surprised that I smoked weed.

“D-Does it really s-surprise you that I s-smoke pot?” I ask quietly, voicing questions my brain repeatedly asked.

“God, yes.”

“Why?” I take a sip of the coffee and the white mocha isn’t bad. It’s a little lacking on syrup but not bad at all.

“When we were kids you were so damn afraid of all those drugs are bad posters. I spent hours convincing you that you weren’t going to become a drug addict and die of a rotted brain.” I was both surprised and embarrassed by Craig’s reasoning. I was surprised he remembered that long week after a health lesson in fourth grade over drugs and embarrassed because it was all painfully true.

So painfully true…

“I guess I c-changed.”

Craig hmmed. “Yep.” Somehow I find it charming how he always pops the ‘p’. “I guess you did.” I watch as Craig’s hands dive into his back pocket. They reappear with a crumpled pack of Marlboro Blacks in hand. “Smoke break?” I glance at the oven. I currently had cookies baking. There was still ten minutes until they would be finished.

“S-Sure. Can I j-join you?”

“Do what you want,” was Craig’s way of saying sure. Craig walks through the back door and I dart into the break room to retrieve my own pack of Camels.

When I step out into the alley behind the shop I shove a giant rock in between the door and the wall to keep an ear out for both the timer and any customers.

Craig is lighting his cigarette with a pretty cool lighter that has a galaxy print on it. I fish out my own lighter and light up my own cigarette. Craig is eyeing me dubiously.

“You seriously smoke Camels?”

“Not b-by choice.” I pause to glance down at my feet, feeling relatively embarrassed. Camels were kind of gross. They definitely weren’t my first choice. “I’m not e-eighteen yet.”

“August, right?” I’m surprised Craig remembers when my birthday is. But then again I can remember that Craig’s birthday is January. “Who buys them for you?”

I turn my nervous gaze up to the gray cloudy sky above us.

“N-No one.” I admit after several moments. I glance at Craig and he’s staring at me blankly. He’s obviously waiting for me to elaborate. So I do, with a very reluctant groan. “I t-take them from my neighbor. He h-has dementia. He d-doesn’t even realize someone’s taking t-them!” I sigh. “He j-just leaves them o-on his f-front porch.”

I chose not to mention the fact that the first time I stole a pack of cigarettes from him I spent three months convincing myself that there were no secret cameras. Or that there was no way he’d see sneaking around in all black at two am.

“You’re shitting me.” I glance over at Craig who’s staring at me. He’s blinking rapidly. “Holy shit that’s hilarious.” Craig wasn’t laughing, not even really smiling, but strangely enough, his gray eyes are alive and shining.

“You t-think so?” I never thought me stealing from my old dementia-ridden neighbor was funny. I thought it was just plain out pathetic. And kind of selfish. I mean who stole from a helpless old person?

Craig looked thoughtful as if thinking over my question in great depth. Then without a moment of hesitation he nods just as he exhales a stream of swirling smoke.
“Fuck yeah. Have you told Kenny about that? No? Well fuck. Do it, the shit head would lose it.”

“O-Okay. Yeah, s-sure.”

We fall into a comfortable silence as we continue to inhale the tobacco deep into our lungs. I keep my attention on the gray sky above me. Eventually, I tear my eyes away and glance at Craig as he nears the finish of his cancer stick.

“Why do you s-smoke?” I ask without thinking. In elementary school, Craig would talk shit about how the Goth kids smoked and were going to have lung cancer by the age of twenty.

Craig slowly turns his head and stares at me silently. “Do you want the bullshit answer or the truth?”

What did that mean? “The t-truth.” I pause and panic sweeps through me. “I think. I-If that’s okay?”

Craig is silent as he finishes off his cigarette with one last inhale and then bends down to put it out. He falls to a crouch, hovering above the rough pavement of the alley. He’s staring intently at the ground in bored disinterest as he answers.

“Kills you faster.”

With those three words, I am struck into celestial admiration.

I wanted to say both everything and nothing all at once. But I’m enraptured and words fail me.

I don’t know what kind of response I was expecting, but the dark admittance is startling to say the least. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the crouched noirette in front of me who refused to meet my gaze. This moment was some unimaginable far away great awakening in my mind.

At that very moment, with hot embers falling onto my jeans and a brisk wind whipping at my face, I realized Craig Tucker would be the ruin of me.

With those three words, I just knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

Craig pulls my attention back to reality. “Why the fuck are you staring at me?” He demands, obviously growing uncomfortable under my unwavering gaze and prolonged silence.
I swallow thickly and force my attention away from the boy in front of me and instead on the dying stick that lay in between my fingers. Am I shaking?

“We smoke f-for the same exact r-reason.” My voice is much softer than I anticipated. I’m worried Craig didn’t hear me due to his silence. But when I look up stormy eyes are staring at me, just watching.

“Well,” he clears his throat. “Well, it looks like we actually have something in common.” And then Craig Tucker smiled.

It was a small wry smile that looked tired, but it wasn’t forced. The upturning of lips is honestly barely even there but none the less it was a smile for me, Tweek Tweak the local spaz. I’m honored to be the recipient of such a rare occurrence.

I take a final nasty off of toxic fumes before putting the dying embers out. We both face each other in silence. I can’t stand the weight of Craig’s gaze so I look over his shoulder into the distance to avoid it. “We used to be friends.” I finally say.

“Yeah,” Craig sighs. “We used to be friends.” Craig opens his mouth to say something else but the timer for the oven goes off. I don’t move, hoping Craig will say what he was going to say, but instead he closes his mouth and remains silent.

Without saying a word, I reluctantly breeze past him and immediately remove the cookies. I hear Craig walk into the building as I change the oven temperature to cook the next batch of cookies that were different from the first. The cookies are cooling and I grapple to try and find something to occupy my attention.

The buzzing in my head intensified. Reality felt four steps ahead of me. I could swear there was an invisible box around me, muffling sound and time.

“We were worried about you.” I swing around at the sound of Craig’s voice directly behind me. I barely heard him yet I understood every single word.

Craig’s hands are shoved into the front pockets of his jeans and he’s glancing out the shop window. “You just disappeared on us. You wouldn’t talk to us and every time we went to your house your parents wouldn’t let us in.”

Craig stops talking and waits for me to say something. I remain silent and focus on breathing instead. The buzzing is now a wild roar in my head.

“Then when we started middle school you just ignored us.” Craig stops talking and it becomes apparent he refuses to say anything until I do.

I don’t know what to say. The span of time in between elementary school and middle school was not a good period in my life. What am I supposed to say? Should I just apologize? Do I shrug it off? Do I tell him I was out of town? Should I explain in grueling detail how I spent that summer strapped to a bed at a children’s hospitable while drugs were constantly being pumped into my veins? Should I explain to him that I had a complete mental breakdown and no one knew what to do with little eleven year old me?

Should I explain how at the end of that summer twelve year old me didn’t want to burden my three only friends with all my demons?

Instead, I simply choke out an “I’m sorry.”

Craig just huffs and runs a hand through his mussed black hair. His eyes dart to me and then back to the window. “Whatever,” he mutters. He takes a deep breath then reluctantly looks back at me. “Clyde and Token want to see you.”

I choke back a cough of surprise. “They miss you,” Craig adds.

“W-What?!” Did you miss me? I secretly wanted to ask. The question feels important, but I don’t have the courage to voice the concern.

“They keep asking if they can visit while we’re working. They promise to buy coffee.” Oh god. I couldn’t breathe. I can’t believe this was happening.

“W-What did you s-say?”

“I told them to fuck off.” Somehow that was a classic Craig response and I laugh. I just fucking laugh out of nowhere. This was all unbelievable. I was working with Craig Tucker, the perfect smoking buddy, and we were talking about Clyde and Token. They missed me. They want to see me. More importantly, though… I was talking with Craig Tucker.

Unbelievable.

“W-Weed?” I wheeze out exhaustedly. Craig watches me then shrugs. The oven finishes changing temperatures and I quickly slide in the brownies and set the timer.

I follow Craig into the break room and as he loads up a pipe I turn up the music ever so slightly. As I sit down across from Craig his eyes flicker up and meet my own briefly and then they shift to look elsewhere. Before I can stop myself I’m giving the noirette an answer.

“S-Sure.”

“What?” Craig snaps sharply. His eyes dart back up to meet mine.

“Sure.” I inhale calmly. “I’ll hang out w-with Clyde and T-Token some time.”

Chapter Text

I lasted a whole forty minutes at home before I realized I had absolutely nothing to do.

I listened to music. I tried watching a movie. I made coffee. I changed the bandages on my arm. I tried doing a single push-up. I took an extra dose of my medication (on accident). I tried drawing candy monsters. I tried cooking. I tried reading. I even tried cleaning.

Every activity kept my interest for only a few minutes before I was left feeling so pointlessly empty and bored. My brain was craving depth and not the pointless filler that usually took up my time. Truthfully my brain was craving human interaction but there was no way I was giving in to that.

As I’m debating what to do my mom calls. One stressful twenty-minute call later I was hanging up and decided I would go to the bookstore. I get decently dressed and fill my largest thermos with dark roast coffee. And then I was on my way to the center of downtown South Park.

As I walked I flicked a camel to life and my thoughts swirled around my newest coworker.

The walk was therapeutic and when I arrived at the local bookstore I was kind of disappointed. I quickly missed the soft cool breeze, but the temptation of books lured me into the shop.

I actually liked to read. There was something about getting lost in the lives of fictional characters that’s very appealing to me. It was a means of escape that frankly wasn’t self-destructive. I even loved reading all kinds of books. I didn’t really have a preference when it came to them. I read pretty much everything. Anything worth reading I’d read.

I wandered to the teen section, a section I truthfully didn’t frequent often and couldn’t help but scoff at most of the books presented before me. Honestly, I didn’t think most teen books were really all that well written; the characters were usually superficial, the plot basic and they lacked substance. I liked books that distracted me and these books rarely ever worked. Every once in awhile though I’d find something I deemed interesting enough to dedicate hours of my life to.

I was currently observing some new best seller when a high pitched girlish voice called out my name. I didn’t have time to see who it was as two delicate arms threw themselves over my shoulders. I cried out in surprise but as I glanced down at perfectly manicured nails I knew exactly who it was touching me.

Bebe Stevens: the epitome of perfection when it came to a female specimen.

It’s hard not to like Bebe. She happened to be sincerely beautiful, decently smart and absolutely the sweetest. The only people who disliked Bebe Stevens were probably jealous teenage girls who wished they were her.

Bebe had worked at Tweak Bros for a good six months when we were sophomores. Besides Kenny, she was the only other person to work at Tweak Bros that I actually liked. Bebe was overly friendly but her friendliness happened to be extremely infectious and so I tended not to mind it.

“Ack, h-hey Bebe. Y-You scared me! Jesus.”

“Oh, whoops. I didn’t mean to do that. I just saw you and had to come over and say hello. Anyhow, how are you Tweek?” Her dainty arms unwrap themselves from around my shoulders and she darted in front of me so we were facing each other. In her red heels, she’s taller than me.

“I’m a-alright.”

“That’s good.” She cooed with a smile. In a weird way, I worshipped Bebe and her perfection. I didn’t want to taint her with my lesser presence and every time I was around her I got the overwhelming urge to run away, to ensure her perfection remains unscathed. “What are you up to?”

“N- Nothing really. J-Just got off w-work a little bit a-ago.” I slowly put back the book I had been looking at as Bebe casually leans back against a bookshelf.

“Hmm,” Her clear blue eyes dart up to stare at the ceiling thoughtfully. “That reminds me, I’ve been wondering, Tweek, do you guys have any positions open at the shop? I could use a job again, I’ve gotta save up for college, you know?”

Actually I didn’t know since I put no thought into going to college. On the other hand I did know there were always openings at the shop.

“Oh man, y-yeah. C-Craig just started working there t-though. My p-parents are out of t-town right n-now so I can’t j-just hire anyone until they’re b-back b-but when they’re h-home we can h-hire you.” At the mention of Craig Bebe’s thin brows shot up.

“Wait a second, Craig Tucker?” I nod. “Like the Craig Tucker?” I nod once again and to my surprise Bebe giggles.

“Wow,” She breathed out a sigh as she giggled again. “I knew he was looking for a job, but I was not expecting him to end up working at the shop.” I secretly loved how she referred to Tweek Bros Coffee as the shop, just like I do.

“You’re f-friends with C-Craig?”

“Well yeah, I am dating his best friend after all.”

“Clyde?” She nods. “Oh w-wow.” I didn’t know that…

“Do you know when your parents will be back so I can talk to them about the job?” I shake my head. “Oh, well, you still have my number? Great, well just text me when they’re home.”

“Okay.”

“Awesome! I’ve missed working at the shop. It was definitely my most favorite job ever.” I smile shyly as she laughs.

We fall silent and she looks thoughtful. After a moment, she hums and speaks up.

“Hey Tweek, are you actually doing anything today?” I shook my head. “I’m supposed to be meeting the girls soon to go bowling. We already partnered off and Heidi is supposed to be my partner, but she’s sick.” Already I was filled with dread. “Be my partner?”

It’s really freaking hard to say no to Bebe Stevens. Coupled with the fact the shiny blonde was always pushing me to do things that were outside of my comfort zone, the teen beauty was in her own way just as dangerous as Kenny. The biggest problem here was that I knew exactly who Bebe was friends with and those girls are fucking terrifying. They were all very intimidating and I’m pretty sure none of them liked me.

“I don’t k-know,” I began unsurely. Bebe’s pretty little lips pinched together as her eyebrows shot up in a pleading expression.

Bebe used her beauty as a weapon. She pushed and pulled at your emotions, subtly manipulating you into her will. There was nothing hostile about the way Bebe manipulates people, it was an unconscious habit utilized to achieve her goals.

“Fine,” I finally groan while exhaling heavily. Unfortunately, Bebe’s innocent manipulations worked every time.

Unsurprisingly Bebe squealed, reached out and plucked my hand into her dainty little hold. “Thank you Tweek, you’re so sweet. Are you ready to go now or did you want to look around for a little longer?” I was embarrassed by Bebe’s appraisal so I had to take a few moments before I could tell her we could leave now.

As we exited the bookstore Bebe rambled on about how excited she was for senior year. Even when we reached Bebe’s old red convertible she continued to talk about senior year as she drove. I tried to be nice and listen, but cars really freaked me out.

I was so preoccupied with the fact Bebe was so busy talking there was no way she was paying enough attention to the road in front of her that I didn’t actually hear single word coming out of her mouth. The statistics of car accidents, teen accidents no less, filled my brain I nearly had a panic attack. Deep breaths, Tweek, deep breaths. Finally, we reached the town’s only shitty bowling alley and I scrambled out of the car in relief.

The single bowling alley looked like it belonged in the fifties which would have been cool if only it didn’t look so ghetto. I honestly didn’t know anybody even went to the bowling alley anymore but sure enough as we walked through the swinging double doors I spotted a group of ten or so girls giggling and gossiping. I didn’t spend much time with people, let alone girls. Already I knew this was an awful idea.

As soon as Bebe and I stepped up to the array of girls they all stilled and went silent. Bebe shot me an irritated glance, one I knew was due to the annoyance she felt towards her friends and not at me.

After a moment, Wendy Testaburger stepped forward with a friendly smile. “Heya Tweek.”

I’ve probably talked to Wendy a total of four times in my entire life, but it didn’t stop the meticulous girl from greeting me, which in a way is nice. Wendy was one of those girls I never knew what to expect. Some days she was friendlier and I actually felt almost comfortable around her. Other days she was suddenly a raging bitch who I swear was out to kill. I had a feeling her mood had to do both on how her relationship with her boyfriend Stan was going as well as how much of an asshole Cartman happened to be that day.

With Wendy’s greeting a handful of the other girls said their hellos before turning back together to continue gossiping or talking about shoes or clothes or whatever girls talk about.

Wendy started making her way towards Bebe and I. I scrambled in my head trying to come up with a plan for how I’m going to survive this entire shindig. The buzzing has still been presence and without the constant pressure in my head I’d probably be having a total freak out by now.

I seriously do not understand girls. Some are chill and you can pretty much treat them as a guy, others spoke weirdly about things I could never understand, some were controlling and confusing and then there were some girls I was too intimidated to even be in the same room with.

Bebe, strangely enough, fell into the first category, hence why I could actually be friendly with her. In middle school, Wendy was placed into the controlling category but was edging her way to being simply way too intimidating.

“Hey babe,” Bebe greeted happily.

“Hiya Boo.” I awkwardly step backward as the two girls briefly embraced. I don’t understand why girls called each other by couple-y names. “How are you Tweek?” Wendy politely asked, turning her attention on me. I squirmed under her direct gaze.

“I-augh- I’m g-good.”

“That’s great.” Wendy turned to Bebe as she crossed her arms, seeming to completely disregard me suddenly. “I’m guessing Heidi bailed on us?”

“Oh yeah, she claims she’s sick but I’m pretty positive she’s just ditching us for a date with Bradley.” Wendy gasps and glances over her shoulder briefly to see if any of the other girls are listening.

“That bitch! She promised she’d come. If she’s going to ditch us, I wish she’d at least have the balls to tell us straight up rather than lie about it. How’d you find out she’s going on a date?” I follow Bebe and Wendy as we make our way to the front desk to get bowling shoes.

“I passed Bradley downtown on the phone with his ‘”sweetums” talking about going to North Park for dinner. Then five minutes later Heidi calls me saying she’s sick. Either Bradley is cheating on Heidi or she’s lying.” Bebe explained with a short burst of laughter.

“Oh god, that’s golden!” Wendy exclaimed as she began laughing. I don’t understand how any of that is funny… “Are you going to say something to her?”

“Nah, she can go on her precious date. I’d choose Tweek over Heidi any day!” I gasp as Bebe wrapped her arm around my waist. To my relative astonishment, Wendy laughs and smiles at me.

“Yeah, really, me too.” Wendy’s words left me feeling dizzy and mind blown. Since when would Wendy Testaburger pick me over one of her little groupies? Since when has Wendy even relatively accepted me?

Dazedly I grab my shoes from Bebe and follow the girls who continue gossiping to the seats where everyone else is waiting. Everyone is a bundle of giggles as they get ready for the game. Each partnership is considered one player so the girls make pairing names with their partners. Bebe and I end up being Beek which makes me wince, but Bebe laughs.

Ten minutes later the game finally starts and I settle in for a long afternoon of sitting in silence. My assumption is correct. Besides girls shouting “BEEK!” when it’s Bebe or my own turn to bowl I’m left alone. Bebe’s constant grins and glances directed at me made me feel included enough.

As we neared the end of the game Bebe got a phone call and disappeared to take it. I distracted myself by staring up at the star decorated ceiling. I was so distracted I didn’t even notice Wendy sitting next to me until she spoke up.

“So, you excited for senior year?”

“O-Oh Jesus!” I exclaimed loudly in surprise. Wendy laughed softly at me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I should have known better than to just do that. But senior year, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah… It’s c-coming up.” I awkwardly murmur, not knowing what else there is to say.

“I mean come on, is it just me or does it feels like this is suddenly happening out of nowhere? Doesn’t it feel like just a few days ago we were all fourth graders causing all kinds of trouble?”

Well, today is a day full of a bundle of surprises.

“I-I’d rather n-not be a s-senior.” I admit shakily. Even with this new raw side of Wendy, staring up at the ceiling earnestly, I was still intimidated. Wendy turned her gaze on me and smiled. The way her eyes crinkled was kind of distracting and for a moment I could understand why Bebe chose her as a best friend.

“Exactly. I mean, who actually wants to grow up?” Wendy paused and snorted. “Okay Bebe, that’s who.”

“W-What, really?”

“Oh yeah. She’s determined to go into business and become a classy badass business woman or something. Sometimes she just spams me with all these texts of pictures that she wants her future to be like. Since when does Bebe have more ambitions than me?”

I could imagine Bebe in her desired future of business jackets, pencil skirts and heels.

“W-What do you want to d-do?” I ask, feeling slightly more at ease.

“Oh, I don’t know. Law maybe? I like arguing for what I want so it’s kind of perfect, don’t you think?” Wendy laughed and I can’t help but smile. Before our conversation can continue Wendy turns her head to look in the direction that Bebe disappeared to. I turn my head to see what she’s staring at.

All breath leaves me as I watch Bebe walk towards us with three boys in her wake.
Clyde Donovan was holding his girlfriend’s hand while he talked enthusiastically over his shoulder to his friends. Token Black looked politely amused with a small smile tugging his lips as he followed Clyde dutifully.

Then there was Craig Tucker who walked slowly behind them all.

Craig walked with his shoulders slouched lazily and his eyes downcast as if bored. His hands were shoved into the front pocket of his blue hoodie. Clyde and Token have yet to notice me, but Craig’s eyes drift upwards and somehow manage to lock instantly on me.

It’s actually funny how Craig’s jaw drops, his eyes widen slightly and his eyebrows rise. Unfortunately, I’m filled with too much panic to appreciate Craig’s uncharacteristic reaction.

I know I told Craig earlier today I’d hang out with Clyde and Token, but I wasn’t ready to hang out with them two hours later! As Bebe pulls the boys closer I slouch down in my seat in some pathetic way of hiding.

I can still feel Craig’s heavy gaze on me.

“Oh Clyde, babe, look! Tweek is hanging out with us. He volunteered to be my bowling partner because Heidi couldn’t make it.” Bebe explained as she led the boys straight to me.

And now I was frozen. Absolutely frozen. Why is it that I always freeze in the face of danger?

Clyde looks at me and after staring at me for a second does a complete double take that is purely comical. His mouth opens and closes and nonsensical garble leave his lips. Token looked surprised to see me but smiled hesitantly and politely. Craig by now was stubbornly looking away.

“O-OAUGH.” Clyde blubbered out. Bebe gave her boyfriend a half-hearted scolding look then glanced at me with a slight frown.

“Hi Tweek, it’s great to see you again.” Token quickly spoke up. I remembered Token always being the moderator and it’s weird to see how that hasn’t changed.

“WHA-BU-TWEE-HAH-OAUHH?” Clyde was still spouting nonsense that even made me feel embarrassed.

“Oh shut up you dumb fuck. No need to shit your pants. It’s just Tweek, fuck.” Craig suddenly snapped, flicking a hand out to lightly hit the back of Clyde’s head.

Clyde whirred on Craig, red faced. “Oughhhhaah! Don’t call me dumb you asshole!” Craig was already opening his mouth to retort something when Token steps in.

“Children stop fighting or I’ll ground you both.” I’m too frozen to even be amused by Token treating Craig and Clyde like children.

“Clyde give Tweek a proper hello.” Bebe instructed calmly.

I felt my cheeks go red as Clyde turns his big grin back to me. “Hi Tweek! It’s been so long! I’ve wanted to hang out again, you know, like the good ol’ days? You know you kind of look exactly the same. In a good way of course. I think-“ Clyde was rambling and Craig’s sharp elbow gets the ditzy brunette to finally shut up.

“I’m going to go buy a soda.” Craig’s voice sounds more monotone than it does at work.

“Okay Craig.” Token says.

As Craig turns to walk away my eyes meet stormy gray ones. Craig stares at me blankly for a moment before he shrugs lightly. And then he’s walking away, leaving me with Bebe, Wendy, Clyde and Token.

“So, Tweek… How have you been?” Token asks. Clyde opens his mouth to say something, but Bebe interrupts him.

“Think before you speak Babe. You don’t want to embarrass yourself.” Bebe instructed strictly.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard better advice coming from you Bebe.” Wendy teased lightly.

“I’m not going to embarrass myself!”

“Clyde you’re being kind of rude.”

“What does that even mean Wendy?”

I couldn’t keep up with each person suddenly speaking. All the interaction was making me dizzy and I haven’t even said a single word. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I-I have t-to go!” I screech, loudly over everyone. The entire group, including the flock of girls, goes silent. I felt my cheeks turn red and unshed tears blur my vision. Everyone was staring at me as I try to get me erratic breathing under control.

After an awkward moment, I turn and run out the building.
I only run down about one block before I slow down to an inching pace. Embarrassment coursed through my veins and it was one of those moments where I just wish Tweek Tweak didn’t even exist. I felt achingly dumb and useless. What kind of person was I if I couldn’t even handle five minutes of interaction with people I actually vaguely know?

My hands are shaking and I run a hand down my forearm to try and calm my nerves. My touch reminds me of the secret markings on my skin. The thought makes my heart speed up and I feel breathless all over again. The idea was planted. Once the idea was planted there was no running from it.

I started walking faster while running my hand up and down my sacred arm. The pain and irritation kept the reminder in my head fresh and desirable. Now I just had to-

“Tweek!”

“J-Jesus!” I screeched in surprise. I glance over my shoulder to see a familiar noirette running towards me. My favorite coffee thermos is in his left hand. Craig catches up to me with ease. I stop walking and turn around as Craig walks the final few steps up to me.

“You forgot your coffee.” He deadpans, holding it out. I take the thermos and I’m glad to see that it’s still blissfully warm. The adrenaline and sinful thoughts washed through me and then was just gone. Just like that.

“Oh,” I sigh.

“Clyde and Token say sorry. They keep insisting they didn’t mean to scare you off.” Craig groans and rolls his eyes with a shrug. “Clyde is just too fucking easily excitable. He pretty much started crying when you left.”

Oh…

“S-Sorry. I- I just didn’t e-expect to hang out w-with all those g-girls and then y-you guys showed up and i-it was all just really o-overwhelming.” Craig started walking in the direction I had been heading and I followed alongside him.

“Don’t be sorry. Clyde is dumb as fuck and Token can be really fucking oblivious.” Craig sighed. “Are you heading home?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Mind if I walk with you?”

“S-Shouldn’t you be g-getting back to the bowling alley?”

“Fuck no. I was trying to find an excuse to leave.” A comfortable silence falls over us. Craig takes out his Marlboro blacks and lights one. Walking with Craig was soothing and even if we were silent I felt at ease. I felt safe, normal and perfectly content. It’s unfamiliar.

The walk is longer considering I live across town from the bowling alley. The walk is silent but peaceful. We’re walking for about half an hour before we arrive at my house. I fumble with the walk as Craig stands casually several feet away.

“Do y-you want to c-come inside?” I ask sheepishly.

Kenny’s the only person to have come over to my house since I was actually friends with Craig and Kenny really doesn’t count. Kenny’s just Kenny.

“Sure.”

I’m oddly relieved that Craig didn’t deny my offer. Craig follows me inside and mimics my actions as I take off my shoes. I line them up carefully against the wall. Craig is openly looking around the living room as we walk through and enter the kitchen.

“W-Want anything to d-drink?” I’m at the coffee pot putting on a brew of coffee grounds and Craig is leaning against the counter. He’s staring at the fridge which is littered with a collection of magnets from various trips.

“Sure. Just pour me a cup of coffee.” I glance at Craig in surprise. I know for a fact he doesn’t like coffee so why would he ask for one? Craig is too focused on the stupid fried and magnets. I wish he’d look at me.

“Okay.” I pour us the coffee then start realizing I had no idea what we were supposed to do now. Should I invite Craig to play video games? Watch a movie? Do we just talk? I hand the coffee cup to Craig who takes it.

“When did you go to Disney Land?”

“Ninth-grade. My d-dad forced me to g-go with my cousins.”

“Did you actually ride any rides?” Craig steps closer to the fridge and his left hand lifts to trace the magnet of Tomorrow Land which was a part of the amusement park.

“J-Just one.” I laugh softly as I realize the sudden irony. “It w-was Space Mountain. It m-made me think o-of y-you. It was k-kind of cool but t-terrifying.”

Craig glances back at me and he’s smiling slightly. “That’s funny. Token invited Clyde and me to go with him to Disneyland once, but I didn’t want to go. When they came back Clyde wouldn’t shut up about that ride. It’s the one ride I actually want to go on now.”

“Oh, wow.” What a coincidence.

“Do you want me to leave?” Craig asks suddenly, turning completely around.

Craig’s question is sudden and unexpected. He looked kind of guilty.

“I-I was actually about t-to ask you if you w-want to go up t-to my room and s-smoke.”

.

Chapter Text

“Craig, we need to talk.”

“Not now Clyde, I’m busy.” Yeah, busy kicking Token’s ass at Call of Duty Zombies. We all knew I’m the zombie fucking slayer master. There are few things I take very seriously in life and Black Ops Zombies happened to be one of them.

“No, Craaaig, we need to talk now!”

“Damn it all!” Token hisses as a zombie gets to him. And now he’s back down on the ground for the zillionth time. “Craig, hurry and revive me.”

“Give me a second you impatient bastard. I’m in the middle of killing this giant ass flock of zombies you failed to take care of yourself. If you’ve just done your damn job I’d have helped you up already.”

“No one appreciates your sass, Craig.” Token points out, oh so rudely.

“Oh please, everyone loves my ass.”

“Not what I said.”

“But you don’t deny that everyone loves my ass.”

“Craaig! We need to talk!”

“Shut up Clyde!” Token and I snap in complete unison. I’m not sure what Clyde’s problem is, but it's fucking annoying. I can’t slay zombie ass and deal with dumbass at the same time, it’s one or the other.

Jesus Christ.

“Damn it, Craig, listen to me!” Suddenly Clyde is standing in front of me, blocking my view of the beautiful flat screen TV.

“Fucking ‘aye Clyde!” I use my left hand to shove him onto the bed so I can focus on killing off the last few zombies and still have enough time to heal Token back to life.

But suddenly a zombie is grabbing me from behind and I’m dead. Just like that. Game fucking over.

Token and I are already screaming in rage. This was one of our best games; we were well over an hour and a half into the triad and we were fucking proud. But now we were dead. Fucking fantastic.

“Aww man, Clyde! C’mon dude.” Token moaned. He fell back onto his bed and dragged his hand over his face.

“Wow Clyde, thanks a whole fucking lot.” I throw my controller onto the floor and ignore Token scolding me for mistreating his property.

“Have we ever gotten that far?”

“That was a fucking gorgeous ass game before you ruined it, Clyde.” I glanced over at Clyde, expecting him to look terribly guilty like he always does. But this time he doesn’t. Instead, he looked fidgety and unsure. “What’s your problem?”

“Craig, since when do you text Tweek?” He asks, without skipping a beat. I stare at the brunette for several long seconds.

“What?” My voice comes out harsh and angry, but I don’t even care.

“You’ve been texting Tweek?” Token asks, sitting up.

“Why the fuck are you going through my fucking phone, Clyde?”

“Why have you been texting Tweek for the last week without even telling us?” This was the angriest I’ve heard him be in a long time.

Exactly a week ago Tweek ran out of the bowling alley. And then I hung out at his house, smoking and relaxing in his room. It was fucking fantastic. And then, suddenly, a week ago I was texting Tweek.

I’m not even sure how it happened. One moment I didn’t even have the blonde’s number and the next we were exchanging text messages that never seemed to end. The conversations would go on all day, sometimes messages were sent back and forth rapidly and other days messages were spaced hours apart. We’d end up talking about nothing and everything all at once. In the week of working with Tweek things weirdly picked up right where it left off all those years ago when we were eleven and still friends.

“Why the hell did you go through my phone dickwad?”I angrily snatch my phone back from Clyde. I unlock my phone and sure enough there was a reply from Tweek. I had asked him what he was doing and he had replied that he was making coffee, of course, he is.

“Craig, why didn’t you tell us you were texting Tweek?” Token asked, calmly from his spot on his king sized mattress. We haven’t mentioned Tweek since the day after the bowling alley incident. Truthfully I didn’t feel like sharing my renewed friend. I liked the weird simple thing going on between me and the blond and I had no intention of ruining it.

“Because it’s none of your damn business.” I snap. I’m starting to feel really fucking angry and it’s really not a good thing.

I turn my attention onto my phone so I don’t have to see Token and Clyde’s stares. I decide to reply to Tweek before I forget.

Craig: Clyde and Token found out we’ve been texting.

“No Craig it’s not necessarily our business but we’re best friends. You’re my business. Usually, best friends would tell each other when they start texting someone important.”

Damn it all I don’t have the energy for this shit.

“It’s not important, it’s my damn phone and you should really learn how to mind your own fucking business!” I glance up at Clyde and it makes me even angrier to see his worried expression.

I glance down at my phone and see that Tweek has already texted me back.

Tweek: Oh

“Craig! Why don’t you tell us anything anymore? We care about you, you asshole.”

“You’ve been acting kind of strange ever since you started working at Tweak’s.”

“You can’t push us away Craig! We’re not going to let you shut us out again.”

“If there’s something wrong you can tell us.”

“Craaaaig, you can’t lie to us. That’s not fair. Just tell us what’s going on with you. We don’t care that you’re texting Tweek. We just wish you’d tell us these things!”

That’s it. I’m done.

“I’m leaving.” I stand up and grab my jacket. Token and Clyde are blabbering bullshit, asking me not to leave. I ignore them and I leave Token’s house without a second thought.

Despite not knowing where to go my feet knew exactly where to carry me. I’m blinded with rage. Why can’t they just stay out of my business? I don’t want to fucking ‘share’ like a bunch of twelve year old girls. My phone and who I text aren’t any of their damn business.

Fifteen minutes after leaving the Black residence I was standing in front of one certain suburban home belonging to a certain twitchy teen.

I pull out my phone and inform Tweek that I’m standing outside. Seconds later the front door is thrown open and a flushed blonde is staring at me, breathing heavily. Did he run down here to get me?

“Craig,” he exhales.

“Can I come in?”

“Huh, yeah. S-Sure.” Tweek steps to the side so I can enter through the front door. Tweek is wearing an oversized green sweater and black skinny jeans. The combination looks really good and it’s annoyingly distracting. I’m glad for the distraction, though. I’m still just so angry.

The TV in the living room is on and turned to some soap opera channel. I had a feeling Tweek hadn’t actually been watching it, but it's been on for the extra sound. Tweek used to turn the TV on to fill silence when he was younger and home alone. The familiar sight makes me nostalgic in a pleasant way.

I always thought that Tweek’s home would be one of those houses that never change.

Surprisingly though his house has changed a lot over the years. This is the second time I’ve been over since elementary school and being inside the house was turning into a game of “Spot all the changes”!

“A-Are you okay? J-Jesus. Did something happen?” I think Tweek stutters less now when he’s around me.

“Are you okay?” I counter, simply. Tweek’s dark rims around his eyes are looking a little darker than usual and his hair is more tamed than most days. I’ve noticed that dark circles meant Tweek would be twitchier. Tamed hair seems to mean Tweek would be acting strangely.

“W-What? Yeah man. I’m fine! Jesus! Why w-would you think that-“ Tweek suddenly cut off and his lively eyes that had been dashing around the room stop. His eyes lift to look at me. “Don’t change the s-subject!” My anger dissipates slightly at the sight of Tweek glaring at me. “What h-happened at Token’s?”

“Clyde was being a dick and went through my phone.”

Tweek stares at me blankly for a moment.

“So?”
“So, it’s my phone! It’s none of his fucking business.” I growl. Tweek looked unimpressed and my anger was returning.

“Yeah and it’s C-Clyde. Hasn’t he d-done that before?”

“Well yeah-“

“So, why a-are you so angry t-this time? Are you ashamed to be c-caught talking to m-me?” I swear to fucking god my heart stopped beating for a moment when he asked me that. Tweek didn’t even look worried or scared to hear my answer or anything.

This kid is full of fucking surprises.

“Fuck no. God Tweek, just no. Don’t ever think something like that again. Jesus.”

“I know.”

“What?” Ladies and gentlemen, I repeat, this kid is full of fucking surprises.

“I k-knew you wouldn’t care if p-people knew we’ve been t-texting.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“If i-it’s not that, then why a-are you so angry?” Tweek asked, sounding fucking wise and shit. I watch as the small blonde crosses his arms and pull them against his stomach. He practically curls into himself. I try to focus on him and his actions instead of his question.

Suddenly I know why I’m angry that Clyde went through my phone. I know, but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want it to be an actual thing.I’d rather ignore it and pretend it’s not real.

“I don’t fucking know.” I mutter instead of even considering voicing the truth. Tweek watches me as I sigh. An idea popped into my head so I spoke it aloud before I could change my mind. “Do you want to hang out at Token’s?”

Tweek looks just as surprised as I do at the question. After a moment, he nods slowly. “Yeah, sure. O-Okay. I think… yeah.” Tweek keeps nodding slowly and I can tell he’s nervous.

“Why don’t you bring Antigua? The guys will love her.” I suggest, referring to Tweek’s bubbler. I learned that Tweek named all his pieces after coffee terms or something. I’m pretty sure Tweek said Antigua was the name of some fancy Guatemalan coffee.

I feel no shame over declaring that this quirk was one of the cutest things ever.

“Oh! Y-Yeah!” Tweek always perks up at the mention of his pieces. I think he secretly really likes to share them.

“You ready to go now?” Tweek nods.

“L-Let me go grab her! W-Wait! And I need c-coffee. Then we can g-go. A-And I have to l-lock the doors. And m-make sure everything’s off. Oh- and…”

“Tweek. Go get the bubbler.”

------

We find Clyde and Token in the movie room. As soon as I open the door Clyde is throwing himself at me. I nearly fall over at the weight of Clyde clinging to me. He’s crying and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even noticed Tweek.

“Craaaig! I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never touch your phone again. Don’t hate me.”

“Clyde, you’re fine. Shut up.”

“You’ll still be my super best friend, right? I’m sorry. Craaaig.”

“Damn it, Clyde. Shut up.”

“Craaaig-“

“Hello, Tweek.” Token suddenly greets. He stood up from the couch and starts making his way towards us. “I didn’t even notice you hiding over there.”

Clyde pulls away from me and even has the decency to step back to give me some goddamn room. He’s staring at Tweek and I’m a little worried the blonde might get overwhelmed. Clyde is turning red and his mouth is hanging open like the dumbass he is.

“H-H-Hi!” Tweek squeaks. I glance over my shoulder and I’m not surprised by what I see. Tweek is huddled backwards and crammed into the space between the junction of the stairs and wall. He has his shoulder bag pressed to his stomach and his eyes are wide and stressed.

“Craig. What is thiiiis?” Clyde slowly asks.

“Well Clyde, this is a human specimen. He is a seventeen year old male named Tweek. He’s kind of freaking short. He’s just under five feet and weighs approximately seventy pounds.” Tweek gasps and I feel him tugging at my sleeve.

“That’s n-not t-true! I-I’m o-over five feet t-tall! A-And I weigh m-more than seventy pounds.” Tweek looks truly offended that I insulted his height and I wanted to laugh. I don’t, but Token is chuckling for me. Clyde, on the other hand, is screaming and throwing himself at Tweek.

“Tweeeeek, I’ve missed you!” Clyde cried as he wrapped his arms easily around Tweek’s shoulders. He hugged the blonde so tightly that his grip easily allowed Clyde to raise Tweek several inches off the ground. Tweek is absolutely frozen and his face has gone pale. His lips are trembling slightly. Green eyes are locked onto mine.

I can’t decide between saving the blonde or letting Clyde hug it out.

A long time ago I learned that it’s best to let Clyde get everything out of his system at once. Otherwise, the brunette will become a clingy bastard and will be all touchy feeling all fucking day long. It’s always better to get it over with early on.

“H-Hi?” Is all Tweek manages to say to Clyde. I don’t think it’d matter if Tweek said anything at all. Clyde has tears spilling from his eyes and he’s rocking the two of them from side to side. He’s blubbering something about how great Tweek is.

“Clyde let Tweek go. You’re going to scare him off again.” Token scolds lightly. Clyde suddenly drops Tweek and dives backwards to put several feet of space in between them.

“I’m soooo sorry Tweek! Don’t be scared. I’m sorry. It’s just so awesome to see you again.” Clyde is rambling and Tweek looks flustered.

“Tweek,” I call out. Tweek steps next to me and one of his hands reach out to grip the sleeve of my shirt. “Why don’t you show them Antigua?” Tweek nods. He doesn’t let go of my sleeve as his other hand disappears into his shoulder bag to grab the bubbler.

“Antigua? Who’s Antigua?” Clyde presses closer to Tweek again. Tweek silently pulls out the green piece and holds it out to Clyde. “Holy shit Tweek! This is a bubbler! Holy shit! Tweek, that’s so cool! You should meet James!” Clyde turns and with a giant smile shows the bubbler to Token who nods. “Token go grab James!”

“Clyde, seriously calm the fuck down.” I growl, getting annoyed. I wasn’t angry anymore, but he was starting to piss me off all over again. Tweek seemed to understand this because the petite boy tugged on my sleeve. I glance down at him and he’s staring up at me with a shy half-smile that makes me feel calmer.

“Craaaaig, don’t bully me. Tweek make Craig stop bullying me.” Tweek laughs lightly, which surprises me. I glance back down at him and he’s staring at Clyde with a smile.
“W-What makes you t-think I can m-make him stop?” Tweek lightly tugs on my sleeve again. He used to hold onto my sleeves back in elementary school. It’s so strange to see the return of what used to be a usual occurrence.

“Because, Tweek, Craig liiiiikes you.”

HOLY SHIT. WHAT. NO CLYDE. DON’T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT. SHIT.

“Oh shut the fuck up you dick stick.” I slap the back of Clyde’s head, but he just giggles.

“… Dick stick.” He snickers. I hit him on the back of the head again and Tweek giggles.

“Token! Hurry the fuck up!” I shout, hoping to change the subject very quickly. I grab Tweek’s wrist and drag him towards the couches. Clyde follows, still carrying Tweek’s bubbler.

“I’m right here dude.” Token sits down next to Clyde on the couch across from the one Tweek and I are sitting on. Clyde reaches out and grabs James before switching couches. He sits down next to Tweek and starts eagerly showing off James Bong.

“I have some Green Love Potion on me.” I tell Token. I pull out a small zip lock bag and toss it onto the coffee table.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me. Kenny and Butters are actually on their way over.”

“Oh fuck no. Are you kidding me?” I look forward to every day being Kenny-Free. Plus Kenny is always way too touchy-feely with Tweek. It’s fucking creepy.

“Ken is c-coming over?” Tweek suddenly asks, pulling on my damn sleeve again.

“Yeah and he’s bringing Butters!” Clyde chirps happily.

“We snagged one of the good bottles of brandy we have upstairs too. Clyde wants to party.” Token casually informs us as he starts filling Antigua. Tweek freezes up from beside me.

“B-Brandy? P-Party?”

“Not like an actual party Tweek. It’s just hanging out. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” I reassure Tweek. He nods slowly and when the filled bubbler is handed to him, he pulls out his lighter and lights it up.

Clyde and Token are watching Tweek smoke. The two looks absolutely mystified by the sight and I don’t blame them. Tweek doesn’t even seem to notice the attention.

Just moments later the door at the top of the basement stairs open and two blondes walk downstairs. Kenny has his stupid backpack on him and in each of his hands are some kind of bottle. Butters trails after him from behind with a friendly smile.

“Heya fellas!” Butters greets as he reaches the bottom stair.

“No need to fear everybody, your party savior is here!” Kenny shouts, throwing his arms wide and laughing. He stops suddenly to turn and wave at Tweek. “Hey, Twinkie. Fancy seeing you here.”

“H-Hi Ken.” Tweek greets with a smile.

“Do us all a favor and keep your damn mouth shut and sit your ass down.” I mutter, mostly to myself. Tweek hears me though and gives me an amused glance.

“What did you bring over Kenny?” Token asks.

Kenny sets down the two bottles onto the coffee table with a grin and starts explaining everything he has in mind for tonight. Two words in I decided I was ready to leave.

-------

It’s nearly ten at night and this is all becoming one big mistake. Clyde, Token, Kenny and even fucking Butters are drunk. They’re all so painfully drunk. Tweek, of course, hasn’t drank a single drop and due to his fearful insistence neither have I.

And to make matters worse I’m not even that high. Tweek is, though. Tweek is a giggling, giddy mess. I’m currently in the kitchen with Clyde and Tweek, babysitting the two. Clyde is hugging Tweek and literally crying over how much he loves Tweek.

It’s sickening, really.

“Tweek, I love you. I love youuuu. So much. We used to be… like, buddies. The best buddies ever. And even though Craig is a total asshole he was like a buddy too. Your buddy, ya know. I don’t know why you disappeared, but it’s okay. A-OKAY. I don’t care. I forgive youuu. Just love meee.” Clyde whines.

“O-Okay Clyde, it’s o-okay.”

Tweek is just laughing hysterically while tapping Clyde on the back hesitantly. Tweek glances up and meets my stare. Clyde is being way too clingy and it’s kind of pissing me off. “Clyde,” I snap. “Why don’t you go bother Token or something.”

“Token! Oh man I love Token too. I love everyone.”

“Be a good dog and go find Token.” Clyde lets go of Tweek and throws his arms around me.

“Can you feel the love tonight?” Clyde sings off key. “Don’t worry Craig you’re being loved tooo. Now I’m going to go give Token some love!” Clyde turns and runs off downstairs to find our rich friend.

Tweek slowly turns to me with a smile. This is the happiest I’ve seen him. It leaves me with a funny feeling in my chest but I’m just glad to see him happy.

“Do they always g-get like this? Does a-alcohol really make everyone so… h-happy?”

“Fuck yes. It’s annoying. It’s only tolerable if you’re drunk too.” Tweek turns red.

“S-Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re still going to that party next weekend, right?” Tweek looks nervous and squirms. He shrugs.

“D-Do I really h-have a choice? K-Ken is gonna f-force me.” Tweek groans and rubs his bloodshot eyes. “You’ll b-be there, r-right?”

“Yeah.” There’s no way I’d miss it. I don’t trust Kenny with Tweek.

“G-Good. T-That makes it a little l-less scary.” I want to know what that’s supposed to mean. I want to grab Tweek’s shoulders and demand answers, but instead I just hum. It’s not the time to over evaluate things.

“Why don’t we go join the others?”

“A-Actually I should g-get home. I have to open s-shop in the m-morning.”

“Hey don’t be a shit. We have to open shop in the morning.”

“Okay, y-yes we do. So I should p-probably be getting h-home.”

“Do you want to go say bye to everyone first? I’ll walk you home.”

“Y-You don’t have to d-do that!” Tweek is turning a little red.

“You still don’t like the dark, do you?” Tweek nods. “Then it’s fine. I don’t want to stay the night here anyways. These assholes would keep me up all night.”

“Oh o-okay.”

“Was tonight, okay?” I ask suddenly. We were almost at the door to the basement. Tweek pauses and glances over his shoulder at me.

“Y-Yeah. I’m glad t-this happened. I’ve m-missed you guys.” Tweek looks embarrassed to admit this, but I’m glad he did.

“C’mon let’s go say goodnight.” I open the door with a smile, but it quickly disappears. With what I see I’m ready to turn around and leave. Unfortunately, Kenny spotted us and yelled at us to come down there.

So, somehow in the ten minutes Clyde went downstairs ahead of us, the brunette managed to end up in only his socks. When I say in only his socks I mean in only his socks. The only saving grace was a pizza hut box that was held to cover chub’s groin.

“My eyes are bleeding.” I deadpan.

“Oh, Craig, it’s not that bad. Right fellas?” Butters asks with a giggle. Butters’ giggle turns into raucous laughter. I seriously can’t believe they all got Butters of all people drunk. I mean, wasn’t he always afraid of getting grounded or whatever? I thought he was the one good kid around here.

“What the fuck is going on down here?” I demand. Seriously I need answers. If this is turning into some giant ass gay orgy, I’m dragging Tweek out of there ASAP.

“We’re playing truth or dare.” Token tells me in an annoying ‘rich guy’ voice. He’s holding some fancy cigar and is wearing a top hat. A red tie is loosely tied around his neck and a black velvet robe is tied tightly around his waist. I have no idea where he got any of those things, but he looks fucking ridiculous. Did he raid his dad’s closet? “I’ve been dared to act like a rich pompous asshole for the entire night,” he drawls.

“I can fucking tell.”

“I had to prank call Cartman, ‘shit was hilarious!” Kenny exclaimed eagerly.

“I had to list the top ten cutest South Park, guys.” Butters giggles. Butters is way too openly gay. He needs to calm down on his flying rainbow sparkles, fuck. I bet the kid pukes rainbows and rides unicorns in his spare time.

“And what the fuck is your dare?” I ask Clyde, already regretting this. Clyde’s neutral stare slowly lifts into a shit eating grin.

“I’m supposed to chase you around, butt naked while singing that one Pina Colada song.”

Three… Two… One…

“Oh fuck no! Tweek, run! Run while you can!” I grab Tweek’s hand and jerk him towards the stairs. Clyde dropped the pizza box so he can pull off his socks. Tweek screams and uses his free hand to cover his eyes. “We’re leaving, assholes!” I shout.

“Bye Twinkie! Don’t let Craig rape you!” Kenny shouts after us.

Clyde is already running up the stairs by the time we reach the top. He’s screaming that awful song about drinking Pina Coladas in the rain. Clyde isn’t a good singer but at least he doesn’t lack enthusiasm, that’s for sure.

Tweek is both laughing and screaming as we run through Token’s house. I never minded the fact that Token lives in a mansion but at this moment I do. I can’t believe there’s so much fucking distance to run through.

“SO IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADA!”

“CLYDE STOP. I’M SERIOUSLY GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU. SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH. FUCKING CLYDE!”

“AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN.”

“CLYDE, YOU’RE DEAD TO ME.”

Clyde is still naked and screaming by the time we reach the door. I was relieved we made it outside and I thought Clyde streaking and screaming would stop, but I was wrong. It continued. Clyde actually followed us outside. Screaming and naked and all.

Holy shit.

I don’t know if Clyde really is that drunk or if he’s just feeling exceptionally ballsy. Luckily Clyde only chases us for a few hundred feet before laughing and shouting bye before turning around and making his way back towards the mansion.

Tweek is breathless and laughing beside me. I’m still holding his hand and I chose not to let it go. In fact, I don’t let it go until we’re standing outside of Tweek’s house. I don’t let go until his door is open and he has no choice but to go inside. I say goodnight and he tells me he’ll see me in the morning.

Time feels kind of surreal right now but tonight was good. Tonight was really good.

Chapter Text

Thursday is my one day off from the shop this week. My plans consisted wholly on sleeping all fucking day. So when a five foot four shit head by the name of Ruby Tucker stormed into my room at nine in the morning I was not happy.

“Craig get your ass out of bed. You’re taking me and Karen to Denver today.” Ruby shouted. She’s all stomping feet and huffy breaths. I groan very loudly to make sure she realizes exactly how unhappy I am at this all. When my warm cocoon is ripped off my back I groan even louder, trying to be as annoying as possible. “Seriously Craig. Get up now! We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago.”

“Shut up.” I refuse to open my eyes. I reach out and blindly reach out to seize my blanket back. “What’re you ‘ven talking ‘bout?”

“Mom told you a million times; you have to take me and Karen to Denver! Now!” My eyes snap open and I bolt up in bed. Ruby is staring at me with crossed arms and narrowed gray eyes. Her red tinted hair is pulled back into a high ponytail and tied with a black ribbon.

For a second I’m colossally confused. I’m really fucking tired and for a long moment I forgot that my sister is like thirteen or something. She’s starting to look really fucking grown up. She’s wearing a maroon shirt and a black leather jacket with black skinny jeans. Oh shit. She’s even wearing black heeled boots. When did this happen, again?

Ruby is like the number one thing in the world that makes me feel old.

“I swear t’god that’s not t’day.” I mutter groggily. I rub my eyes and slowly sit up.

“Oh yes it fucking is. Get your ass out of bed and let’s go Craig. Karen is waiting for us.” Ruby storms out of the room and I’m left half-awake in my dim room. I slowly get out of bed and flip on the light.

I don’t want to know what Ruby will do if I’m not ready in the next ten minutes. I only vaguely recall my mom saying something about Dever. Was that really today though? God damn it all.

Since working at the shop I’ve gotten pretty good at going through my morning routine while still being virtually half asleep. Unfortunately, since working at the shop I don’t actually start waking up until I start getting caffeine into my system.

I’m actually starting to like coffee. Some are gross but others are actually pretty damn good. I guess working at a coffee shop for two weeks plays a big part of that.

I put absolutely no thought into what I’m doing. I throw on black jeans. I pull on a ratty old Red Racer t-shirt. Feed the guinea pigs. Pull on mismatched socks. Shove my feet into a pair of vans. Open the curtains. Grab the cleanest smelling blue hoody. Grab my phone. Put on my hat. BOOM. I’m done.

Easy as pie.

Tweek gets all angry when I say that. He gets kind of red, narrows his eyes and crosses his arms with a stomp of a foot. He insists pies are not easy to make so it’s being deceitful when you declare something being as easy as pie.

I’m pulling my door open right as a small hand starts pounding on it. I open it to face Ruby staring at me while looking mildly impressed. She steps back so I can step into the hallway. “Good, you’re actually kind of on time. Now let’s go.” I want to sass Ruby for expecting me to take a while but usually I do and I don’t have the energy to argue.

I follow Ruby down the stairs to where my mom is waiting in the kitchen. She’s holding an envelope full of money which is probably for Ruby to blow. They all claim Ruby ‘earns’ the money by helping out around the house. I know for a fact she does jack shit. Lucky for her my parents just like to spoil her because she’s a girl and she’s younger.

“Craig, don’t tell me you forgot you’re taking your sister to Denver today?” Mom asks as soon I step foot into the room. What do I get from my parents? A shit ton of criticism, that’s what.

“No, mom. Ruby just forgot to wake me up.” I open the pantry and grab a granola bar.

“That’s bullshit. He forgot.” Ruby pipes up, sounding way to happy.

“Craig, I reminded you last night.” My mom crosses her arms and fixes me with a disapproving stare that only moms are capable of. “What did I say about you getting a job? I think it’s great you’re finally growing up but you can’t just ignore your family. Family is priority. You have to contribute. We’re not going to just let you bum off of us. Damn it Craig, seriously.”

“Mom! I just slept in, okay? Drop it. Fuck. We’re going, aren’t we?”

“Craig Tucker watch your attitude.” I groan and grab Ruby’s wrist.

“Yep,” the ‘p’ is popped and Ruby elbows me. “We’re leaving!” I call as I throw open the front door. I grab the keys to our family’s shitty old Chrysler Lebaron. The piece of shit is a good bump away from crumbling at the seams. We own a nicer Hyundai, which is more of a family car, but dad refuses to let me drive it.

“Bye ma!” Ruby calls out, all sickeningly sweet. She’s such a little suck up.

I start up the car and it sputters to life. Ruby is already reaching forward to turn on her shitty pop stations. “We picking Karen up at her house?” I ask as I pull out of the drive way.

“Yes Craig.”

“You wanna pick up coffee on our way out of town?”

“Coffee? You mean at Tweak Bros.?”

“Fuck Ruby, yes. At Tweak Bros.”

“Does that mean I’ll get to see Tweek?”

“Probably. What the fuck. Don’t ask me things like that. It’s creepy. Why do you like Tweek so much?” Thinking about Tweek makes me want to squirm. It brings back memories of last Sunday and walking home in the dark while holding hands. Nothing has really happened since then and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

“Tweek is adorable. Don’t be a hater Craig. All the girls in my class love Tweek.”

Wait- “What?” I make a left turn and then I’m driving over the rail road tracks a block before Kenny’s house.

“Oh yeah, everyone secretly loves Tweek. Well actually it’s not really a secret. He’s like a little helpless puppy or something.” Ruby pauses when she sees the look on my face. “Did you really not know that? He’s like an idol to all thirteen year old South Park girls.” Wait until I tell Tweek this…

“Just go get Karen.” Ruby jumps out of the car and slams the door behind her. I pull out my cellphone so I can text Tweek.

Craig: Did you know you have like a thousand twelve year old stalkers?

I can’t help but smile when I imagine Tweek’s reaction.

Soon enough two tweens are climbing back into the car and we’re making our way downtown. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket not once, but a total of seven times. The two girls are sitting in the backseat gossiping and when I park the car they’re gone in seconds. I take my time turning off the car and getting out.

I pull out my phone and sure enough, right there is a notification for seven text messages, all from Tweek. I stifle a burst of laughter with my arm and shake my head. I climb onto the sidewalk and push my way into the shop. Ruby and Karen are at the front counter talking to Tweek who looks absolutely terrified.

I hear the word ‘cute’ or something coming from the girls and I try really hard not to laugh. When Tweek glances up and sees me, he looks so relieved he could cry. “Craig!” He shouts. I finally actually laugh as he runs around the counter and runs straight to me.

He grabs my sleeve and tugs on it. He glances over his shoulder at the girls who are whining about something. “Tweek you slacker. How dare you abandon your work station.” I tease lightly. Tweek whimpers and pulls on my sleeve again.

“Craig! W-What did you mean t-that I have a t-thousand s-stalkers!” Tweek leans closer and sends the girls a paranoid look. “Are R-Ruby and K-Karen two of them?” It’s only a mild surprise to me that he knows the girls names. After all one of them is my younger sister and the other is Kenny’s little sister.

“Yes Tweek, be careful. They might kidnap and rape you. Twelve year old girls can be downright vicious like that.”

“C-Craig.” Tweek moans. He buries his face in his hands and I snicker. His head jolts up at the sound leaving my throat and he glares at me. “Y-You’re messing w-with me! Craig!” He hits me on the shoulder pretty damn roughly. “D-Don’t do that m-man. H-How am I supposed to know when I’m a-actually in danger?”

“Don’t worry Tweek I’m pretty sure my sister won’t kill you. She might kill me though, keep an eye on the obituary. I demand you bring my grave flowers at least weekly when she kills me. I think I want black roses. You know, black like my soul?” I try my best to wink as casually as possible.

“Not f-funny.”

“No I’m serious. Ruby has it out for me. If they find my body tell the cops it is definitely her. Absolutely all her. Actually, Karen might be her accomplice but it’s definitely mostly Ruby.” Ruby overheard me and stomped her way over to us.

“Craig, don’t be spouting bullshit, you jackass!” She flips me off and Tweek looks surprised. Ruby then turns her attention to Tweek with a smile. “Hey Tweek! Can you start making our drinks? We’re going to Denver today! We gotta get going soon.” The way Ruby talks to Tweek all sweet and innocent-y makes me want to vomit. That demon spawn is anything but sweet and innocent.

Tweek stares at Ruby for several long moments before nodding blankly. He gives me a quick glance before moving back behind the counter. I wait for Ruby and Karen to order their drinks before leaning against the counter. Tweek is making their drinks and doesn’t look up at me as he speaks.

“Today is t-the first time I’ve s-seen Ruby in a really l-long time.” Tweek points out. I hmm and watch as he continues to work. “I d-didn’t recognize her at f-first. She’s so b-big!”

“You know I’m pretty sure she’s taller than you.” Tweek looks up at me with a jerk.

“N-No way.”

“Actually I’m positive she’s taller than you.” Tweek drops his face into his hands and groans. “You had it coming dude. You drink like a gallon of coffee a day. It’s a miracle you’re over five feet.”

“Don’t make f-fun of me… or e-else!”

“Or else what? You don’t scare me Tweek.”

“I-I’ll… spit in y-your coffee!” I laughed. I just laughed so loudly people turned to stare at me. Tweek turned red and distracted himself by continuing to make the coffees. “W-What kind of c-coffee do you want anyways?” Tweek asks quietly after I’ve calmed down enough.

“Hmm, I thought I was getting a Tweek flavored Mocha?” Tweek ‘eeped’ and turned very, very red.

“C-Craig!” I laugh again and Tweek mutters something about giving me a boring old Vanilla Latte for that attitude. He’s being really damn cute today. It’s kind of too bad I’m not working today...

“So what are you gonna do all day while I’m away in Denver?” I ask to fill the silence.

“O-Oh yeah! My p-parents are actually g-gonna g-get home tonight. I t-told them we’d still open tomorrow but i-it’ll be a short shift before they’ll t-take over.”

“Oh shit, really?” Tweek nodded. Does Tweek’s parents coming home change everything? “Can you still go to the party tomorrow night?” I really hope I can get Tweek drunk. Just imagine…

“Nngh, I d-don’t know. I c-can’t go home l-late! They’ll q-question me! A-And what if they s-smell the teenage mischief on me!”

“Really Tweek? Teenage mischief? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way. Anways, just stay the night at my place or Token’s or whatever.” Tweek is starting to look a little red again.

“O-Okay.” Tweek caps the three coffees and slides them across the counter to me. “They’re on the h-house, by the way.”

“You sure?” Tweek nodded and I gather up the coffees into my arms. “Well I should probably get going. Keep texting me, k? Today is going to be sooo boring with those two dragging me around everywhere.” Tweek smiled.

“O-Okay. Have fun! T-Try not to get k-killed by Ruby.” Tweek giggles as I flip him off. I head towards the door and shout at Ruby and Karen to hurry up.

Pretty soon we’re all back in the car and I don’t really mind as much that I’m being dragged to Denver.

(Tweek POV)

Two of the lights in the shop went out and another one is flickering. The effect is terrifying. It feels like I’ve been tossed into a horror movie and I’m just waiting for my inevitable death. The cheeriest ukulele music I could find is playing on the sound system but it can’t change the fact that I’m seriously going to die.

When my phone chimes I’m so startled I actually scream. I was in the middle of chugging a coffee too so now there’s coffee on the floor to be cleaned. I had texted Craig to warn him about my soon to be death and I’m guessing he texted me back.

Craig: Tweek you’re not going to die. I’ll fix the lights tomorrow just hurry up and go home

Tweek: U DON’T KNOW THAT OH GOD TELL MY DAD I ALREADY ORDERD THE NEXT ORDER OF COFFEE GROUDNS THNKS

I like texting Craig.It’s always on going and it’s entertaining.

Craig: That’s seriously going to be your dying wish?

Tweek: yes Craig plz don’t forget

I get back to cleaning because while Craig’s texts are a nice distraction, they can only do so much to mask the fact that I’m going to die. I might as well finish cleaning before I die.

It’s too bad. This summer has taken a nice turn. I like hanging out with Craig. He makes me feel calm and kind of normal. He makes me feel okay to be Tweek Tweak. I like hanging out with Token and Clyde too, even if Clyde is kind of crazy. Are they my friends again?

I put away the mop and then with a relieved sigh I cross the room to the front door to lock it. It’s reassuring that I’ve-

“HOLY MOTHER, JESUS CHRIST- I DON’T WANT TO D-DIE!”

Two hands are slapped onto the door, right in front of me and a pale face with a wide wicked grin is pressed against the glass. There is dark red smeared everywhere. I knew I was going to die…

It takes me a moment of total freak out to realize that all of this belongs to one Kenny McCormick who’s laughing so hard I hope he actually dies because of it.

Kenny throws the door open and steps inside while continuing to laugh.

“Tweek! You complete my life! That was fucking beautiful. Absolutely marvelous; ten out of ten. Bravo! Encore!” Kenny closes the distance between us. He flings one of his arms over my shoulder and directs me towards the back door. I pull away so I can lock the front door and close the blinds.

“W-Why are you here Kenny?” The mischievous pervert puts his arm back around me.

“Why? Aren’t you happy to see me, my little Twinkie?”

“Ngh, don’t call me Twinkie.” I mutter, pulling myself away from the blonde for the second time now. “And g-go ahead and leave while y-you’re at it.” I’m pretty sure Kenny didn’t hear the second part.

“You see Tweek, I was hanging out with a bunch of swag fags. They’re paying customers of course. And someone just passed me the bong and I was like wait- I haven’t smoked with my little Tweekers in way too long. So I ditched the swag fags to come hang out with you! Are you honored?”

“No.”

“No need to be shy, I know you’re honored. Let’s get going to your house to get hiiiiigh, aye?” Somehow in the span of time from the front door to back door Kenny managed to sneak his arm through mine once again. I pull away at the mention of smoking at my house.

“J-Jesus! No way m-man! My parents j-just got home! Like r-right now!” Kenny rolled his eyes at me and chuckled.

“Oh c’mon Tweek. I’m like ninety percent sure your parents are secret stoners anyways. Do you really think they’ll care?”

“Y-You don’t know that! Jesus C-Christ. What if they f-found us and s-sold me off to be a slave!”

“Tweek, I’ve heard your dad go off on his weird coffee rants. No sober man says that kind of shit.”

“We’re n-not smoking in my house!” I insist. I flip off all the lights and we step out into the brisk night air. I start locking the back door.

“Well can I at least come over? Mama Tweak probably misses the shit out of me.”

“Only if y-you promise to never c-call my mom M-Mama Tweak again.”

“Deal.”
--
When we arrived at my house it’s kind of weird to see all the lights on. I always get used to staying alone when my parents leave for an extended period of time. Kenny bounded up the front steps and entered my house before me.

I’m not sure if I love or hate the fact Kenny treats my home like his own. I mean, it’s not like he even comes over that often…But besides Craig just recently coming over he’s the only one that visits.

“We’re home!” Kenny happily shouts. I slam the door behind me and lock it twice to ensure it’s really and truly locked. I don’t want to be the idiot who forgets to lock the door and gets killed because of it.

“We’re in the kitchen!” My mom answers in response to Kenny’s shout. Kenny and I walk into the kitchen where both my parents sit at the table drinking coffee.

“H-Hi mom, dad.” I greet. I take a seat at the table while Kenny helps himself to the fridge.

“Tweek, Kenny. Good evening. Welcome home. Home is the warm embrace of freshly brewed coffee grounds, after all. What else could you ever want when you can smell the sweet aroma of home?” My dad says, looking up from the newspaper in his hands. He picks up his mug of coffee and holds it towards me with a knowing smile and a nod.

My dad manages to absolutely never make any sense; which is something I’m actually used to. Kenny shoots me a look that screams, ‘I told you so’, in reference to his earlier comment of them being stoners. I ignore Kenny. With the sight of my mother and father drinking coffee while my dad reads the newspaper, it feels like it should be eight in the morning. Instead it’s nearly ten at night.

“Tweek, have some coffee, sweetie.” My mom slides a coffee mug to me that I take without a moment of hesitation.

“T-Thanks.”

“So Tweek, how’s the shop? You like your new shift buddy?” For reasons unknown to me I feel my cheeks warm at the mention of Craig. Which reminds me… I haven’t texted Craig back in quite a while.

Craig: I won’t forget. I promise I guess. I’ll tell the entire world your dying wish

Craig: You at home yet? I just got home and im already dying of boredom

Craig: DYING OF BOREDOM TWEEK AND :ITS ALL YOUR FAULT

Craig: Hello?

Craig: Shit dude. You dead?

Craig: tbh if you did actually die I’m just going to laugh because that’s kind of ironic as shit or whatever

Craig: okay did that piss you off? Whoops. Sorry.

Craig: jk I’m not sorry

Craig: okay seriously. You alive?

Craig’s texts made me laugh and I was so absorbed over reading them I didn’t even realize Kenny was talking to my parents for me.

Tweek: yes I’m alive jesus. Kenny showed up at work and dragged me home. Thanks tho. I’m glad you’d just laugh if I died. I hope you do die of boredom so i can laugh at you instead

Tweek: that’s not an actual way to die tho, right?

“Aw, that’s fantastic sweetie!” My mom patting my arm forced me to focus back on that one thing called reality. My dad was smiling and nodding slowly with his eyes closed. Kenny was sitting next to me and looked really fucking smug. And then my mom was just smiling delightfully.

“W-What?”

“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Tweak, I think Tweek and I will be getting upstairs now! It was nice talking to you!” I’m continuing to voice my protests as Kenny grabs my arm and pulls me out of my chair. I barely manage to grab my mug of coffee before I’m being dragged up the stairs.

“W-Wait, what j-just happened?” Kenny just smiled at me and continued to lead me to my room.

“Don’t worry your little gay heart Tweek.”

“D-Don’t call me gay. Ngh, s-seriously though! What d-did you tell my m-mom?” We made it to my room and I sat down on my bed as Kenny closed the door behind him.

“Oh nothing much. We were just talking about weed. I told her we’d be smoking up here and she thought it was cool. She even suggested her and Richard might come up here and join us.” Kenny winked and I screech in horror.

“N-No!” Oh god. They knew. She’s only pretending to think it’s cool…. She’s going to come in here tonight and kidnap me! Then they’ll sell me to-

“You’re right, that was a lie.” I groan and cover my face with my hand. I set my coffee down and flop backwards onto my bed. Kenny sheds his backpack and places it onto the bed right next to me.

“W-What did you r-really tell her?”

“Oh, nothing much.” Kenny sounded way too innocent. That’s never a good thing. “I just told her about how much you loveee Craig.”

“WHAT!” I bolt up in bed and stare at Kenny shocked. I feel my face warming up again and I cannot fathom why. Why does Craig make me feel so fucking… ugh. “I d-don’t love Craig!”

“Oh chillax Tweek, it’s fine. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Kenny winked. He’s unzipping his backpack and pulling out weed, a lighter, and a pipe. “If your panties do get in a twist though I can help you fix them. I’m just caring that way.”

“Ngh, not funny. W-Wait, hey! I s-said no smoking i-in here!” Kenny always tries to get me riled up enough so that he can get his own way.

“Okay, how about this. We smoke and have a good time and relax or I’ll tell your parents all about your infatuation with Craig.”

“I’m not i-infatuated with Craig!”

“Denial isn’t cute Tweek. Seriously though. I’m sharing my weed and my love with you. Just accept it and be happy.” I groan and realize solemnly that there was no getting out of this one.
So I decided I’d just have to go with Kenny and hope for the best. To distract myself I pull out my phone to respond to Craig so I wouldn’t over worry. Bentley always said the best thing to do was to stay busy…

Craig: Thanks Tweek, now you’re making me feel like an asshole

Craig: Wait

Craig: You're hanging out with Fuck Face McCormick? Why?

Tweek: a) you are an asshole

Tweek: b) Kenny showed up at the shop and DRAGGED me home. Now he’s making me smoke in my house WITH MY PARENTS HOME by threatening me

“Awww, you texting Craigy-poo?” Kenny teased from beside me. I ignore him as he smokes and purposely exhales right into my face. I stand up and open the windows and block all ventilation.

Craig: wtf He’s threatening you?

Tweek: empty threats

Craig: want me to beat him up?

Tweek: WHAT NOO WHAT IF YOU DIE OR HE DIES OR SOMEONE DIES I COULD DIE NO

“TWEEK!” Kenny shouts, probably not for the first time. I glance at him and he’s shoving the pipe in my face. “Stop texting your boyfriend and take the freaking pipe. Jesus Tweek.”

“He’s not my b-boyfriend!”

Craig: dude

Craig: im 90% joking. That sounds like waaay to much work. Im to busy chilling with Zig and Zag

Tweek: whos zig and zag?

“So you excited to party tomorrow?” Kenny suddenly asks as I exhale smoke very, very slowly.

“NO.”

“Why? It’ll be so fun. Don’t worry Tweek, I promise nothing bad will happen. You’ve been at such a good place too lately. All because of Craig, huh?” Kenny winked and I blushed.

It’s true though. I don’t know if it’s my new medication kicking in or if it’s Craig but I’ve been feeling substantially better. My arms were nearly healed and I haven’t felt the urge to return to the blade in way over a week. It’s kind of a miracle…

“If I d-don’t like the party I-I’m leaving.”

“Oh c’mon. You have to give it a shot. At least stay for like an hour then decide.”

“O-Okay, I guess. You o-owe me!” I glance back down at my phone, eagerly wanting to see Craig’s answer.

Craig: Stripe 3 and 4. After Stripe 2 died I got two more and named them Stripe 3 and 4 but Ruby got pissed. She and mom threatened to get rid of them unless I named them something different

Tweek: so you named them zig and zag?

Craig: as close to Stripe as I could get. Clyde and Token laughed for a solid hour when I told them that

That was funny. I was starting to giggle. I didn’t even notice Kenny leaning over my shoulder reading our conversation until he very loudly ‘awed’. “You guys are the cutest couple ever.” I elbow Kenny harshly and snatch the pipe away from him angrily.

“S-Shut up.” This isn’t the first time Kenny’s teased me like this. Earlier this year when I was briefly friends with Michael he did this same thing. Kenny grabs my laptop off of the shelf by my bed and I watch as he opens up Netflix. “Y-You gonna stay the n-night?” I ask him, kind of hoping he’d say yes. I miss working with Kenny even if I really like working with Craig.

“If it is okay with you, I’d loveee too. Sharing a bed with my Twinkie is always my favorite.” Kenny winks and I roll my eyes.

“Y-You know I can’t sleep.”

“OH! I didn’t mean we’d be sharing the bed for sleeping.” I gasped and elbowed Kenny again. He laughed hysterically. “Afterall, we’re going to have a shitty horror movie marathon!” Kenny justified this by opening the horror section on Netflix. He gave me a look as I groaned and turned slightly red. “What were you thinking, you pervert?”

“S-Stop messing with me you a-ass!”

“Speaking of asses, how about we start with the Human Centipede? OH! OR even better the Human Centipede 2, OR Human Centipede 3! The third includes an entire prison. That’s a lot of ass Tweek.”

I groan very loudly and chose to ignore Kenny. I could feel the marijuana seeping its way into my head and it made me smile. I start to hold the piece out to Kenny for him to take. As he reaches for it I laugh maniacally and pull it back with a sudden jerk. I then proceeded to take another hit.

“Hey! You sneak! You really wana go there? Bring it ooon!” I scream as the laptop is forgotten and Kenny tackles me.

Chapter Text

By the time Token and Clyde arrived at my house I was nearly as jittery as Tweek gets. I get excited over weird things. Red Racer being relaunched, newest GTA game, when I taught Zag how to roll over…

I only get excited over things that make Token call me a dork. Never in my life have I actually been excited for a party, but holy shit am I. If I think about it, this all feels pretty fucking surreal. I work with Tweek, I’m friends with Tweek and now I’m even going to fucking party with Tweek. Never in a million years did I think this would happen.

Tweek was a nervous wreck all day at work. He constantly spilled drinks so eventually I just had to take over and start making the coffees. They all tasted like shit, but hey- I’m not the one drinking them. I made Tweek make my coffee, smart move that was.

I left work a little bit before Tweek, just to avoid meeting Tweek’s parents again for the first time in years. It made me smile as I left when Tweek told me, “I’ll see you later.”

When I spot Token’s nice ass porsche pulling up to the sidewalk in front of my house I was out of the door instantly. Clyde sat shotgun so I claimed the seat behind Token. Unsurprisingly the boys are dressed to impress, which are Clyde’s words. Not mine.

“You look excited.” Token points out as he steered the car back into traffic. Clyde is turning down the shitty pop station and thank fucking god. “I’m worried.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not excited. It’s just been a while since I’ve gotten wasted.”

“Wait, didn’t you get drunk like last weekend?” Clyde asks, glancing over his shoulder at me. His question brings back memories of naked Clyde and naked Clyde is not my favorite Clyde. Naked Clyde is fucking burn my eyeballs now, please Clyde.

“No you asshole, you got drunk.”

“Oh yeah! And I chased you and Tweek naked! Man I barely remember that night, I was wasted.” That’s for sure. Jesus fucking Christ. Clyde has always been known as the friend who ends up naked when drinking.

It doesn’t take long for us to arrive at Tweek’s house. Before I can get out of the car to retrieve the blonde, the nervous teen bolts out of his house. He’s of course carrying his thermos and he’s shouting something over his shoulder. He looks mad. He pauses in the doorway to shout something else and then he’s slamming the front door closed.

Tweek looks different. It’s not a big difference but it’s there and it looks nice. He’s wearing faded black jeans that are tucked into a pair of doc Martins. He’s wearing a white long sleeved shirt with a forest green canvas jacket over it. Actually, he looks a lot like he does every other day but somehow it’s still different.

He opens the door of the car and slides in.

“Hi Tweek!” Clyde happily greets. Ever since we all hung out he’s constantly talking about Tweek which annoys the fuck out of me.

“What was that about?” I ask Tweek, hoping to direct his attention on me. My scheming plan works and Tweek turns his fleeting gaze to me. Our eyes lock and his eyebrows shoot up. His one free hand flies up to run to grab his hair. After a second of hesitation he runs his hand through his hair instead.

“It’s n-nothing!” Tweek looks desperate for me not to bother him about it so I decide not to push it. It’s bugging me, wanting to know why he was yelling at whoever is in his house.

Tweek clumsily climbs into the car and shuts his door. He starts buckling up with shaky hands. After his fourth failed attempt to properly insert the buckle into the lock I reach out and do it for him.

“T-Thanks.” He smiles at me shyly and it’s fascinating how his stupid green eyes light up.

“You okay man?” Token asks as he starts to drive to Kenny’s

“Oh, Jesus! Y-Yeah. I’m f-fine. Just nervous, y-ya know?”

“You’ll be fine.” I tell Tweek without even thinking about it. Reassuring him is something I always did in elementary school and it’s been so long but the habit is still there. “Are we pregaming before we get to the trap house?”

“Pre-gaming?” Tweek nervously asks.

“Drinking before you go party just to drink some more.” Token explains with a soft laugh. “And yeah Craig. Clyde has the bottle.”

“What the fuck Clyde. Share you greedy little bleached asshole.”

“Maybe if you didn't call me a bleached asshole I would share!” Clyde sounded really offended. I glance over at Tweek and he looks a little overwhelmed. Our eyes meet and I smile slightly to show him that everything's fine. It’ll probably take a while for Tweek to get used to me fighting with everyone.

“Let's fight for it. I'll beat you up.” I deadpan. Clyde’s eyes narrow.

“Bring it on!” I dive forward to grab Clyde. Tweek squeaks in surprise and Token shouts at us to stop. Token reaches out and pushes me back into the backseat.

“Children! Behave yourself! If you keep this up neither of you are getting anything. Now Clyde share with dickwad.”

“Why the fuck am I dickwad?” I ask Mama Token as Clyde begrudgingly hands over a plastic water bottle filled with unsuspicious vodka. It was something we started doing as freshman in highschool. We’d steal liquor from our parents and dump little by little bit in water bottles so it’d look like normal water. We had thought we were so fucking clever at the time too. Now we just dump our vodka into water bottles so we can carry it around in public with no worries.

“Because you are one!” Clyde exclaims angrily. I flip him off.

I unscrew the lid to the bottle and the harsh smell of alcohol fills the car. Tweek visibly winces from beside me. “Want some?” I ask the blonde. He frowns and bites his lip.

“I-I don't know Craig…”

“It'll be okay dude. I mean you're only a teenager once, ya gotta live a little.”

“Drinking is fun!” Clyde chirps.

“Drinking responsibly is fun.” Token corrects. Clyde rolls his eyes and we all know he's only half serious. Token might be a pretty responsible kid who's got his shit together but he still knows how to have fun, which is something I appreciate. No one likes stiffs.

“Gah- B-But doesn't it like k-kill brain cells and stuff?”

“I think that's a myth.” Clyde points out with an airy smile. Shit head has probably been drinking already and I'm pretty sure drinking does kill brain cells. But really, who gives a fuck? Tweek looks unsure and scared though.

“Besides, Clyde doesn't have any brain cells to kill.” I point out. Clyde gasps and starts whining.

“Craig for fucks sake, be nice.” I flip off my dark skinned friend who rolls his eyes. We arrive at Kenny’s house and Mc.fuck face is waiting outside.

“Cmon Tweek just have a sip. You'll be okay.” I insist. Tweek opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted when his car door opens.

“Tweek! You ready to party, man?? Hey scoot your scrawny ass over.” Kenny has his hands on Tweek and is pushing him over. The petite boy is instantly pressed into my side and I have to try my hardest not to gasp at the sudden contact. Tweek on the other hand does sharply inhale and glances up at me shyly. Kenny slams his door shut and we're making our way to North Park.

“Hey Kenny.” Token greets with a raised hand. Kenny nodded at him with a smile.

“Do I smell vodka?” Kenny asks eagerly. His eyes lock onto the still open water bottle in my hand. “Hell yeah!” Before I can stop him jackass is pulling the water bottle from my hand and is dumping a swallow down his throat. “Mmm, smirnoff right?”

“Your life must be pathetic if you can know the brand of alcohol just by a taste.” I spit out angrily. I jerk the water bottle back and take a large swallow. The sharp burn in my throat and stomach is welcome.

“You jealous Tucker?” I flip Kenny off.

“Tweek are you going to have some? You should have some! Please Tweeeeek.” Clyde begs from the front seat.

“You don't have to do anything you don't want to do Tweek.” Token interjects. Tweek makes a quiet whimpering noise from next to me. I glance over at him and he's gnawing on his thumb with pouty lips.

“Oh no, Tweek is so going to drink. We’ll have so much fun man. Come on.” Kenny took the water bottle back away from me and forced it into Tweek’s grip.

“K-Ken!” Tweek gasps. He turned his pleading gaze to me. He was wearing that dumb puppy face again which is still ridiculously cute.

“You'll be fine.” Tweek whimpers again and he slowly lifts the bottle. His lips brush against the rim hesitantly. After a moment of hesitation he tips it back and takes a mouthful.

As soon as he tastes the foul liquid his eyes widen and he looks like he's about to spit it all out. Impressively he instead winces and swallows.

“T-Thanks awful!” He exclaims horrified. Kenny and Clyde laugh hysterically and Token smiles. I take the bottle back from Tweek and take a sip.

“It gets better the more you have.”

“I don't w-want more!” Tweek gasps.

“Oh, fuck, Tweek you kill me.” Kenny is laughing so hard I hardly even understood him.

---

By the time we get to the trap house cars line the street. Its nearly ten thirty and I can tell this party is going to be crazy already. We all clambered out of the car. Clyde is already tipsy as fuck and tripping all over himself. He's ditched his jacket claiming it's to hot. I really hope he stays fully clothed today. Fuck.

Kenny is talking Tweek’s ear off and the twitchy teen is gripping my sleeve with an iron fist. Just by his hold on my sleeve I can feel how badly he's shaking. The house is a nearly a block down the road and we can already hear music and drunk teenagers.

“When did they start throwing parties at the trap house again?” Token asked Kenny as we grew nearer and nearer. There are groups of people crossing the street and entering the gray house.

“This is the first party since the bust all those months ago. This is gonna be a real major rager man, so pumped!” Kenny fist pumps into the air and his backpack bounces as he moves.

Tweek groans and his free hand is in his hair. We made him leave his empty coffee mug in the car and I’m pretty sure he’s still pouting over it.

As we walk up the sidewalk to the house masses of people are both entering and leaving. I can barely hear what Clyde is saying over the sound of music and people. There are bright flashing lights that are annoying as fuck.

Tweek gets about five hundred percent closer so that our sides are flush together. The trap house is exactly how I remember it being nearly six months ago. As soon as you walk in what's supposed to be a dining room is now actually a room designated to Beer Pong.

Clyde pulls Token to one side of the table so they can wait for their own turn. Kenny is making his way past the dining room and into the living room. Tweek is getting even closer, however the hell that's possible, and I don't blame him. The room is impossibly crowded. I smell weed, B.O., alcohol and fifty different shitty colognes all at once. Some people are dancing, if dry humping could really be called dancing, and others are just standing around and talking.

There's a stripper pole in the middle of the room, which is new. Some slutty redhead is down to her bra as she swings around it. Tweek’s eyes practically bulge when he sees it. He gives me a horrified look that makes me laugh.

People are constantly stopping Kenny and talking to him. Eventually though we make it across the large room and to the back door.

The backyard is huge. There's a long concrete back patio where all the local stoners hang out. You can still hear the music out here but it's not as loud. There are Christmas lights strung up so we can see. Tweek and I pause outside as Kenny disappears again.

“J-Jesus man! What are we s-supposed to do now?”

“Get drunk. Here drink half of this, it's almost empty.” I hand Tweek the water bottle. Sixteen ounces of vodka for five guys really isn't much. That's pretty much three shots each. I'm not even feeling buzzed. Tweek hands me back the bottle and I drink what little is left.

Kenny reappears with three beers. He hands us each one. Following him is Bebe and Wendy. Tweek gasps when he sees them and the girls look happy to see him.

“Tweek, babe! You're here!” Bebe pulls Tweek away from me to give him a tight hug.

“Bebe, why are you h-here?”

“Oh Tweek, everyone's here tonight.” Wendy explained with a smile. She seems kind of flirty…

“O-Oh man.” Tweek’s hands are heading towards his hair but I pull them away without thinking.

“You girls just want the D, right?” He winks as Bebe rolls her eyes and Wendy scoffs. “Sorry, I meant E. Silly me. Letters are just so close together, huh?” Kenny winks as he starts unzipping his backpack. Wendy nods and I sigh. I don't understand how Tweek puts up with Kenny selling shit all the time. Its fucking annoying.

“W-Whats that?” Tweek hesitantly asks. Bebe smiled at the blonde and ruffled his hair.

“Don't worry about it! Now I'll see you in a little bit ok? We need to go find Kelly.” Bebe takes the small bag from Kenny and then the girls head inside.

“McCormick, please tell me you have some hard alcohol.” I just finished my can of beer and I toss into the conveniently located garbage behind me.

“No but I know someone who does.” Kenny turns and scampers off. Teenagers are selfish bastards when it comes to their alcohol. It’s a harsh cruel world of bringing your own alcohol or trying to find some poor sucker to give you some.

Tweek is looking around the backyard with a light gaze. I swear he's swaying slightly. He drowns the rest of the beer and throws it away.

“You okay Tweek?”

“I-Is that Kevin Stoley o-over there?” I glance over and sure enough there stood Kevin. He’s with a group of those sci-fi kids. They’re passing around a pipe while pointing at the stars. Fucking nerds.

“Yeah, the sci-fi kids are a bunch of fucking stoners. Clyde dragged me to one of their Star Wars marathons once and they fucking hot boxed the room while they were watching the entire fucking series. It was torture.”

“Clyde is friends w-with everyone, isn't he?” Tweek is smiling and staring off at nothing still.

“Yeah.”

“He's just nice to e-everyone.” I'm getting concerned that Tweek might be super freaking buzzed. I mean he is a tiny little fuck and this is his first time drinking...

“Hey Tweek-” I'm interrupted by the back door flying open. One very drunk Stan Marsh makes his entrance followed by one annoying ass Eric Cartman.

Stan Marsh is the fucking bane of my existence.

As soon as he sees me he half falls through the doorway and points at me. “Hey! Tucker! I believe we have some unfinished business!” Marsh exclaims.

“You're right, so?” I'm not really in the mood to fight this drunk ass loser but he's right. Last time I saw him punches were about to be flying when the cops had shown up.

“C-Craig?” Tweek whimpers. He's gripping my sleeve again. I sigh.

“I'll be right back, give me a second.” I storm across the patio and shove Marsh inside. The door swings shut behind us and Cartman is hot on our trail. He has his phone out and he’s probably filming us and putting it on his shitty Snapchat story.

I can't even remember when this became a thing. Stan constantly gets drunk to the point he's a very angry person and I'm just always an angry person. We've always hated each other but it had to be sometime in middle school before we actually started getting into fights. Now whenever Stan is drunk and we run into each other we have to fight. Its pretty much an unspoken rule.

I don't think Tweek would want to see me fight.

I have no idea what our unfinished business is. I think I might have called him or Kyle a fag or something. I really don't know. These days we don't need a reason to fight. It's almost as if we have this weird fucked up friendship over beating the shit out of each other. I really don't fucking know and I really don't fucking care.

“Let's just hurry up and get this over with Marsh.” This entire scenario has occurred enough that the usual party crowd isn't surprised or alarmed. Besides, fights at parties are a regular occurrence.

“Don't be such an asshole Tucker.” The music has been turned down and a giant space has been cleared as party goers all turn their drunk attention on us.

I'm not drunk enough for this shit.

“Hurry up and punch Craig,” my name sounds like a whine, “Stan. Cmon Stan,” another whine, “punch the fag.” Cartman is such a fucking annoyance. There's no other human being on the planet earth I want to kill more than I want to kill Eric fucking Cartman.

“Fucking shut up Cartman.” As soon as the words leave Stan he's dashing forward with his fist raised.

The next several minutes are exactly like every other chunk of time we call a fight. He punches me, I punch him. Maybe we end up on the ground. Maybe one of us has a bloody nose or a black eye. Maybe we're shouting obscenities. People are probably cheering and shouting. And then it all ends with someone intervening.

We've never finished a fight.

Maybe that's why they always happen. Fighting is just as normal as brushing my teeth every morning. We just want to see who will actually in the end I guess. Today it's Kyle who breaks the fight. Stan looks like he's starting to get a black eye and the corner of my lower lip is swollen and bleeding slightly.

“God you guys are fucking pathetic.” Kyle is angrily spitting out as he drags Stan away. Even though Stan is dating Wendy I'm about sixty percent sure he has a boner for his nerdy ginger friend. Eric is shouting some bullshit and the party is merging back into party mood.

Same old, same old.

Except tonight there's a nervous blonde waiting for me outside and I can't wait to get back to him.

I stop by the kitchen first to take two beers out of the fridge. I press one against my throbbing lip and then make my way back outside.

I expected to see Tweek standing exactly where I left him but instead he's nowhere to be seen outside. Did he leave? I don't even see Kenny. But Kevin Stoley and his lame as fuck friends are still standing out in the yard smoking weed. My chest is pounding with nerves. I knew I shouldn't have left Tweek alone.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Kevin.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Oh, hey Craig.” They all turn to stare up at me. Fuck.

Fuck. “Have you seen where Tweek has gone?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “He was standing out here a little while ago.”

“I think he and Kenny went inside.” Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

I don't say anything back to Kevin and turn around and head inside. The trap house really isn't that big. It can't be that hard to find him in a house with like 4 rooms and next to no furniture.

I open one of the beers and chug it in one go. The carbonation makes me feel sick. That or I'm actually that anxious to find Tweek. I throw the empty can onto the floor without a care. There's too many sweaty teens in the living room. There's no way he'd be in here. It'd be too much pressure for him or whatever.

I check the kitchen - nothing. The bedroom had no one but two horny teens about twenty seconds from having sex. I don't even give a fuck that I walked in on that nasty ass shit. The dining room doesn't have Kenny or Tweek but Token and Clyde are playing beer pong against Heidi Turner and my own cousin Red.

Token and Red have been having this on and off fling since freshman year and they're practically having eye sex. Ew. I make my way around the cheep table and yank on both of the boys’ shirts. Clyde who was throwing the tiny white ball shouts in annoyance as he horribly misses.

“What the fuck Craig.” Token’s obviously just angry that I interrupted him undressing my cousin with his eyes.

“Where's Tweek?” Clyde asks. He has to shout to be heard over the annoying overplayed LMFAO music.

“That's what I'm trying to find out. Stan was being an ass so I told Tweek to wait outside. ‘Can’t find him.” Both boys’ mouths round into a little ‘o’.

“Try the basement?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

I pass by Red and flip her off. “Stop leading on my friend I'm fucking tired of hearing about you.” Red rolls her eyes and flips me off. I head straight to the basement as I start downing the beer I had grabbed for Tweek. After three shots and three beers I was starting to feel a slight buzz but that’s it. Moments like these make me feel like I drink too much.

The basement of the trap house is super fucking ghetto. It was as if the entire area had started being renovated just to stop five minutes in. You walk into a huge ass space where the carpet has been torn out so it's shitty ass concrete. There's two shitty couches that are occupied by stoners who are passing a bong and pipe.

In one corner there's a cheap table where you've got your local coke addicts who patiently wait for their turn to snort up. In another corner a bunch of North Park kids sit in a circle playing spin the bottle. Neither Kenny or Tweek arein this area.

I move past this area and onto the hallway where there are three rooms and a bathroom. The bathroom is only occupied by some girl puking. The next room is a couple making out. The following room is full of giggling. I decide to skip that room and check the last room. The last room is just a bunch of people sitting around drinking beer.

That leaves the room full of giggling girls. There's no way though. I open the door to a group of 9 people and one of them is indeed Tweek Tweak.

It's been like twenty minutes since we've separated and Tweek looks fucked up. He's crammed in between Bebe and Kenny and both blondes are holding him in place as rocks back and forth as he laughs hysterically. Everyone in the room is laughing. Wendy is next to Bebe, grasping her friend as she tries to talk to Tweek who won't stop laughing.

I have no fucking idea what’s going on but it can not be good. Kelly is sitting on the other side of Kenny and then there are four other North Park kids I don’t know. The door I opened gets slammed into the wall, bringing everyone’s attention on me. As Tweek’s eyes meet mine I’m startled to see how blown up his pupils are. The black center is so wide I can barely see the shining green.

Tweek looks excited to see me. Kenny smirks at me and everyone else just doesn’t care. The north park kids are talking to Kelly and Bebe and Wendy are both still laughing. Tweek jumps up, effectively pulling himself away from the two blondes that had been holding him still. In a blink of an eye Tweek has closed the distance between us and has thrown his arms around my waist. I’m too frozen and confused to do anything.

“Craig! Oh Craig, hellooooo!” Tweek is still just laughing. He’s laughing so hard there are tears in his eyes. “Craig where did you go? I missed you! I wanted to party with youuu.” I push Tweek away from me but he grabs onto the front of my jacket, refusing to put very much distance between us.

I reach out and grab Tweek’s chin. I angle his face up at me and I bend down so I can see into Tweek’s eyes. His pupils are fucking gigantic. What the fuck is he on? I wasn’t even gone for that long…

“Kenny I’m going to fucking kill you.” My voice is a growl that makes the North Park kids look up at me nervously.

“Relax Tucker, Tweek is enjoying himself.” Kenny insists. Tweek tugs on my jacket and his torso bumps against my own.

“Yes I’m having fun. Craig have fun. I just want to laugh.” Tweek justifies this with a little giggle.

“Did you give him fucking ecstasy?”

“Yes Craig, just a little Molly. Nothing that will hurt him. He’s fine.” I push Tweek away from me and grab the front of Kenny’s sweatshirt. Kenny doesn’t look worried, surprised or anything. He just stares up at me with that stupid smirk of his. I pull back my fist and punch him clean across the cheek.

The girls scream and Tweek is tugging on my jacket whimpering. “I fucking hate you.” I tell Kenny as I throw him backwards. He just continues to smile at me even though I know his face must be throbbing. ‘

“Love you too Craig!” I flip off Kenny and grab Tweek’s wrist.

I can barely hear Tweek trying to say something to me as I pull him across the basement and upstairs. I don’t stop dragging him until we’re outside in the very back corner of the yard where trees shadow us and hide us from the outside world.

There’s a shitty makeshift bench someone must have created. It’s made with two buckets and a piece of plywood but it’s good enough. I sit down and jerk Tweek down next to me but he’s instantly back on his feet and bouncing around.

“Craig why did you punch Kenny? Craig, it’s not nice to hit people.” Tweek is bouncing on the balls of his feet from side to side. His fingers are twisting together and his eyes are moving to the trees around us, then to me and then back to the trees.

“Why did you let him fucking give you Molly Tweek.” I demand. I’m livid. It’s one thing if Tweek is drinking or smoking weed. Those are okay. But this is some other fucking drug we’re talking about. You never know what shit it’s laced with. Or maybe you’ll be allergic. What if ecstasy has bad side effects with Tweek’s medication and he fucking died or something? For god's sake Molly is like derivative of meth or something. FUCK.

“He called it a happy pill. I want to be happy. And he’s right. I’m happy. I just want to laugh. Why don’t you laugh Craig? Do you need a happy pill?” Tweek is moving forward and his hands are reaching out to caress my face. The feeling of his two small hands pressing against my cheeks send a shiver down my spine.

I push him away.

“Tweek you can’t use drugs to make you happy.”

“Isn’t that why you smoke weed all the time?” Tweek’s head is tilted to the side as he stares at me with those stupid blown up pupils. My heart is pounding and never before have I thought I would miss the sight of those stupid green eyes so much.

“W-What?” I didn’t mean to stutter but I’m speechless. For the first time I realize that Tweek hasn’t stuttered once. He seems to have endless energy and won’t stop fidgeting but this is the most ‘normal’ I think I’ve ever seen him.

“It’s okay. I smoke weed because it makes me happy too. That’s why I like drugs. I think I like alcohol too but I really like this happy pill. Kenny made me snort it though. My nose is kind of stuffy now. It’s itchy. Wait. I think I need to sneeze.” I watch dumbfounded as Tweek spins on his heels as he shakes his head.

Suddenly he stops and sure enough he sneezes. The sneeze is pretty much a squeak and it’s cute. God fucking damnit all.

“Tweek,” I call out because I really don’t know what to say. Tweek’s eyes meet mine and his hands are back on my cheeks.

“I just want to laugh and dance and talk to people. I’ve never felt like this before. Is this what people normally feel? Is this what it’s like to be normal and happy? I think I want to be normal and happy. I think you want to feel normal and happy too.” Tweek’s eyes have stopped darting around and have remained locked on my own.

“Tweek.”

“I know drugs are bad but is it really that bad if I just want to feel like this?”

“Tweek.”

“Sometimes I almost feel like this when I’m around you. Like when we smoked at the shop with you me and Ken. Or when we were at Token’s. They make me smile. You make me smile. I like smiling.”

“Tweek.” I try saying his name more sharply but he won’t stop talking. He just keep staring into my eyes as his hands remained locked onto the sides of my face. His thumbs randomly jerk slightly to rub my skin.

“It makes me smile when I see you smile. I don’t think you smile enough. But neither do I. I missed being friends with you. You’re really cool. We should be friends again. Can we be friends again? We should stay friends too. Because it’s cool being friends. You’re cool.”

I swallow thickly. “Tweek.”

“Okay?” I’m surprised he actually pauses long enough to let me nod. “Okay. Cool. We’re friends again. That makes me happy. Does it make you happy? I think it makes you happy.”

“Tweek.”

“I think I want to kiss you.”

“T-Tweek.”

Tweek stays true to his words and my head's a mess of white noise as soft moist flesh press against my lips. My body reacts without my mind’s approval, not that it needs my approval. This is something my confused head wants just as badly as my body does.

My hands are around that small waist pulling him closer and my eyes are drifting close to savor this warmth and perfection. Kissing really isn’t anything special. It’s this weird looking part on your face being pressed against another person’s weird face part. But there’s something about it. There’s something about the closeness and intimacy that makes it special.

There’s something about Tweek.

This isn’t the first time I’ve kissed someone. I’ve kissed plenty of boys and girls. None of it has been anything exciting. It’s just lips touching. This on the other hand is completely different. Never before has there been a lump stuck in my throat or what feels like a tornado in my stomach. I feel like a stupid girly fluttery mess. My chest is pounding so hard I can hear it my ears and feel it through my entire core.

It’s just skin touching another’s. That’s it. But it’s also so much fucking more.

Tweek is starting to pull away but I reach out and grab the front of his shirt and yank him back down. Our noses brush together and our eyes are locked on each other's. I feel his breath on my own lips. I can hear him quietly gasping for air.

“Don’t even fucking think about it you shit head.”

Tweek giggles and his head moves forward to close the distance between us for a second time. And fuck is this time different. This time his lips part and our tongues are fighting for dominance. Our breaths come out in gasps and I win this short lived battle.
I taste alcohol on his tongue and it’s kind of wet and messy but I don’t even care.

I’m kissing Tweek and Tweek is kissing me. Life sucks ass, he’s on molly and I’m not fucking drunk enough but that’s okay. I’m kissing Tweek and right now that’s all that matters.

Chapter Text

It’s as if as soon as I've tasted this new sinful creature I never wanted to let it go again. I'm pretty sure Tweek feels the same way, so, I guess it works.

I can feel his fingers weaving their way through my short locks and his nails lightly scratching against my scalp. By now Tweek has been pulled into my lap and his scrawny legs are straddling me.

I'm not sure how much time has passed but I do know it's been quite a while. I also know I don't give a fuck. I just don't want to let this kid go. Not now that I've had a taste.

Tweek is pulling his lips away from mine for probably the sixth time now. “Craig we should probably go inside.” His pupils are still gigantic and are locked onto me. I just want to see those damn green eyes.

Tweek’s tongue flicks over his lips, wetting what is already moist and tempting. “Probably,” I shrug but dive forward to press my lips against his once again. This whole kissing thing is getting pretty damn addictive.

Tweek lets out a slight moan but pushes my shoulders back. He giggles slightly.

“I want to go have fun before this happy pill stops making me happy.” Even as he says this his face is drifting back towards mine. His lips are pressed against mine briefly. When he pulls them away I expect him to insist it's time to go once again. Instead he peppers light kisses along my jawline until he reaches my ear. “We can do this anytime, especially later.” The promise makes me swallow thickly. “On the other hand I won't have the confidence to talk to people later.”

I sigh. I don't want this to stop. I don’t really have a choice but to give in though. What if this doesn't actually happen again? I decide that I'm making sure Tweek ends up at my place tonight.

“Fine, c’mon.” I carefully slide Tweek off my lap and as soon as he's safely on his own two feet I stand up.

I look around for my hat and find it on the ground several feet away. I bend down to retrieve it. When I stand back up Tweek reaches out and grabs the front of my jacket. He's staring up at me with a look of mild astonishment.

“You're really tall this close up.” He raises his arm and tries to see if he can reach as high as I stand. “How tall are you?”

“I don't know; six foot something I guess.” Tweek gapes at me and shakes his head.

“No fair!”

“You know, I recall telling you when we were kids to stop drinking so much coffee or else you'll end up being less than five feet tall.”

“I am not less than five feet tall.” Tweek shoots me a glare but quickly laughs instead. He's still a giggly mess but I guess ecstasy does that to some people.

Tweek grabs my hand and starts pulling me through the yard and back towards the house.

I wonder how things are going to change. Is Tweek a high mess who will regret this all in the morning? Fuck I don't regret this. I don't even know what this is turning into. Tweek isn't someone you really have a brief fling with. Tweek is different. I don't know what this different is but I think I really fucking like it.

Once we reach a point where people can see us I pull my hand away from Tweek’s. The blonde shoots me a glare and takes a hold of my sleeve. He gives the fabric a sharp tug as if to scold me.

“I think you need to get drunk.” He informs me very knowingly.

“I think you're right.” Tweek pulls me into the house and easily leads the way past the crowds of people. Its impressive how easy going Tweek is right now. He's at such an ease. All thanks to the little ‘ol ‘happy pill’. It's probably thanks to the molly he kissed me at all. Fuck.

In the kitchen Tweek greets a north park kid. Tweek refuses to let go of my sleeve as he talks to this kid. They stand way too close together so Tweek can talk to him over the sound of the music. I can't help but notice that their chests are brushing together as Tweek stands on his tippy-toes to reach this guy's ear. Fuck.

Finally Tweek turns back to me with his stupid drug induced smile. “This is Dylan! He's a CU Denver student. He has tequila.” How the hell does Tweek even know this guy? Maybe a customer of Kenny’s?

“Fuck no.” Tequila is infamous for fucking people up.

“Craig, please!” Tweek looks desperate and this Dylan guy is staring at me expectantly. His left hand holds a half gallon of tequila I had previously failed to notice.

Well I guess I did just want to get fucked up…

“Fine,” I think I gave in way too easily when Tweek asks me of something.

His grin just widens. Cheap plastic shot glasses are being set down on the counter and suddenly there's a few other North Park kids standing around us.

“I'm Dylan!” Tweek’s CU friend introduces as he pours the shots.

“Um, I’m Craig.”

“I know who you are.” This Dylan guy answers with a grin. “I see you around; you’re always off getting into fights with that Stan kid.” Well fuck. Guess I’m gaining a reputation?

Tweek wiggles his way next to me so that we're both leaning against the counter. Dylan is handing out shots to this new circle of people that seems to multiply by the second. I take the small glass held out to me eagerly. Tweek is given one and I nearly confiscate it from him but he looks absolutely fucking pleased as punch. So I decide I’ll just keep a close eye on him and let him be.

A new blasting techno song starts blaring over the sound system that makes Tweek laugh and shake his shoulders playfully. I can't help but smile as everyone brings their shot glasses in to tap together before in unison we’re dumping liquid fire down our throats.

Another round of shots is already being poured.

The next ten minutes whir together as several more rounds are consumed. Tweek stopped after his second one and he's leaning heavily against me as he laughs. The world around me warps in and out of reality like funhouse mirrors.

This is actually pretty fucking fun.

One of the North Park kids, Jem, is rapping about cheese pizza to the beat of the music. He’s really fucking good and I'm impressed. It was during this rap that Tweek is suddenly pulled away from me and into the arms of a mass of curly blonde hair.

“Bebe!” Tweek is giggling and laughing… still. He looks ecstatic to see his female friend. I wonder how that friendship ever even started. Did Bebe work at Tweak Bros. or something?

They took ‘err jobs… I took ‘err job… I took her job? No, I took Kenny’s job. Kenny took her job. He took ‘err job.

Fuck. I think I’m drunk.

“Tweek! You were gone for soo long. Where did you go? Wow you look drunk.” Bebe is slurring and swaying slightly. I think she’s drunk too.

“Bebe, hi Bebe. Hello. I am drunk. I think I'm drunk. I'm drunk, right Craig?” Tweek glances up at me. I nod. Are we all drunk here?

“Wow Craig, you look drunk too.” I flip off Bebe.

The North Park kids trail out as annoyingly familiar South Park kids enter. I already miss the easy going NP kids who leave me be as they rap about pizza… That was chill.

A certain drug dealer with a shitty ass gray backpack enters. Kenny grins at me and winks as he tips back a beer. Token trails in next as he grins at me. Last is Clyde who instantly launches himself at me. Clyde’s button up short sleeve is half unbuttoned.

Ugh.

“Craig! Hey buddddyyyy.” Clyde shoves his arm over my shoulders. I shove his arm off of my shoulders.

“Fuck you.” Clyde makes a whining noise and tugs at my arm. Tweek sends me a look with a mischievous smile that makes me want to pin him to the wall and shove my tongue down his throat.

“No Craig, no fucking heeeere.”

“Shut your disgusting face now.”

“No Craig I-” Clyde trails off as he looks off into the distance. “CRAIG I WANT YOU TO DANCE ON THE STRIPPER POLE FOR ME.” Fuck no. Shit. God damn piece of shit pole. Clyde is shouting now too which means everyone had to have heard him.

“Go fucking rot in a corner and die you bleached asshole.”

“Craig, you hurrrrt me.” Clyde turns and scampers his way to Token. Token playfully wraps his arms around Clyde’s shoulders and pats his back gently.

“Don’t worry Clyde, your Black Knight is here.” Clyde shoots me a glare and I groan. This whole ‘black knight’ thing has been going on ever since freshman year when Token was Batman for Halloween. Because Token is rich he had a fucking fantastic costume and everyone called him the Dark Knight. Pretty soon it turned into the Black Night and it’s been a never ending thing since.

“Yes Craig, dance on the stripper pole.” Kenny pushes his way past Token and Clyde so that he's standing in front of me. He grabs my arms and I shove him away. His cheek looks like it's bruising from where I punched him earlier.

“You go die, you go die, and you go fucking die Token. I see you laughing.” I'm not amused.

“It's a fun idea.” Token points out with a shrug.

“Yeah, Craig, it's a fun idea!” Tweek mimics with that stupid sly smile. Clyde shoots Tweek a shocked look.

“TWEEK I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU HIDING OVER THERE BEHIND BEBE YOU’RE SO SMALL.”

“Ah! I am not!”

“HI BABE.” Clyde seems to forget about the stripper pole as he runs over to Bebe. He pecks her on the cheek as she waves at him. Then he moves on to Tweek and grabs him. He pulls the blonde into a tight hug. When Clyde releases Tweek, the smaller of the two is blushing slightly. Token seems to notice Tweek’s eyes and looks concerned.

“Hey Tweek, are you okay buddy?”

“I'm fantastic Token! Me and Craig are going to be friends again.” Tweek smiles at me once again. I’m kind of surprised Tweek is so focused on the fact we’re friends again to the point he mentions it.

“Whoa, Tweek your pupils are hugeee. That's so cool. Hey Tweek maybe you should dance on the stripper pole!” Tweek ‘eeps’ at Clyde’s suggestion. He glances at me horrified.

“Yeah Tweek, you go.” I insist. I’m really half joking but the idea of Tweek on a stripper pole is kind of… well awesome. Token is staring at me like he doesn't even know me.

“A-Ah! I-It’s busy!” Tweek squeaks. His stutter is a surprise and must show how nervous he is. We all glance over but the pole isn't actually occupied and the living room is actually kind of cleared out. I glance at the clock and it's nearly one am. Knowing the usual party crowd, the next bunch of party goers will probably show up within the next hour. For now it'd be nice and slow…

“Let's go Tweek!” Clyde is grabbing Tweek and dragging him off to that freaking shining spinning pole. Bebe and Kenny follow them. I turn to leave too but Token grabs me.

“Craig.” Token is holding me in place by a grip on my arm. I bite the inside of my cheek but I hardly feel it. I’m definitely kind of drunk? Cool.

“What.”

“Is Tweek ok? What's he on?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Craig.” Token sounds annoyed. I don't think Token has drunk enough. He sounds way too serious. “Is he on shrooms?” I shake my head. “Ecstasy?” I sigh. Token won't stop staring at me. I know this conversation isn’t going to end until he has his answers.

“Yep.” The p is popped and Token practically growls.

“What the fuck Craig.”

“Get pissed at McCormick, not me. I didn't give it to him, that was all Kenny. I already punched the asshole for it too.” Token exhales slowly but finally lets me leave the room. I have a feeling I’ll be hearing this conversation again.

In the living room I stop dead in my tracks to laugh.

Tweek has his arms and legs wrapped tightly around the pole as he hugs it for dear life. His eyes are squeezed shut and he's laughing really fucking hard as Clyde pushes Tweek around and around.

Clyde stops Tweek to grab a hold of Tweek’s side to run around the pole as he spins it. Those dorks look fucking ridiculous. Bebe is doubled over and laughing at her friend and boyfriend.

I have no idea where Kenny went.

My brief question is answered when one annoying drug dealer puts a hand on my shoulder. He's leaning forward slightly to speak in my ear. I can smell alcohol on his breath but I know I reek too.

“You've had enough to drink Craig?”

“I'm still pissed at you.”

“Calm down, calm down.” Kenny let's go of my shoulder. He walks around me so that we're facing each other. “I was just wondering how getting all kissy kissy with Tweek was.”

“What?”

“Well? How was it?”

“What?”

“Oh come on Craig, use your big kid words. I know you can big guy.”

“What?”

“Just a good or bad will suffice I suppose.”

“What the fuck! It's none of your goddamn business!” Kenny’s face swiveled around to look at me with a wide grin. Shit.

“So you did kiss! Ha! Called it!” Kenny looked so proud of himself. Fucking damnit all. God I just want to punch him. Instead I flip off the ass hat and decide to pull Tweek off the pole.

When Tweek sees me heading towards him he saves me some effort by hopping off the pole himself. Bebe then decides she'll teach her boyfriend how to spin on the pole now that Tweek is done.

Tweek runs up to me and grabs the front of my jacket. “Did you see me? I kind of felt like I was going to fly off and die but it was also fun!”

“Yeah, I saw you.”

“Maybe you should try? Do you wanna fly?”

“Hell no.”

“SOMEONE TURN ON SOME LADY GAGA. SHIT IS ‘BOUT TO GO DOWN!” Clyde abruptly screams as he effectively wraps one leg around the pole and uses one hand to hold him in place as he kicks his other leg out and leans backwards. Bebe spins the pole around for him and I'm actually impressed Clyde has mastered that move in the whole thirty seconds he's been on it.

The song poker face turns on and I'm seriously not amused. But Clyde loves it, of course. He’s embarrassingly pulled off his shirt and is swinging it around in his free hand. The dance floor that had been cleared out is starting to fill up again. Token and Red have found each other and our dancing close together off to the side. Kenny is already grinding with some random girl. Clyde refuses to leave his pole and Wendy and Bebe are dancing together playfully.

Tweek and I are surrounded by people now and everything going on around us is just some weird nightmare.

Tweek thinks everything is so funny. But he's also drunk. I'm drunk too. I think. I think I always question things when I'm drunk. I usually just flip people off and argue with people when I'm drunk. But I'm also not sure because I think I get forgetful when I'm drunk.

Tweek is tugging on my jacket and when I glance down he's singing along with the song. Hot damn. I never thought I'd see Tweek sway his hips as he sings Lady Gaga. I also never thought I'd talk to Tweek again. Or be friends with him again. Or kiss him. But-

I want to kiss him.

So I do.

There's a lot of fucking people around us but I also don't give a fuck. I never give a fuck. So I bend down, grab the distracting fuck by the collar of his shirt, and press my lips against his.

A slight part of me was worried he'd get scared or embarrassed to kiss me in public but he doesn't pull away. Instead he just presses closer.

--

At about one thirty am we’re forced into playing a really shitty game of limbo.

By two am it's never have I ever with a shot of beer to make it a drinking game.

By two thirty am we’re playing truth or dare. Everyone thinks it's the greatest thing ever that Tweek and I are doing this whole kissing thing. We get dared to do some kind of intimate thing four times before we quit.

By three am Clyde is in his boxers and is back on the pole. Everyone is cheering and throwing crumpled dollar bills, receipts and other pocket-junk at him.

By three thirty am there's a chunk of time where I'm black out drunk and I remember nothing.

By four am we’re running from the cops.

I really wish I could remember that damn half hour. One minute we’re in the backyard and the next a swarm of people is attempting to jump the way-to-tall fence. I try to help Tweek jump the fence but I end up mostly just throwing him over. He falls onto the ground in a crumpled heap with a scream. I feel bad but even more importantly we need to get our asses moving.

I guess it's not surprising the party got busted, it happens a lot. Especially at the trap house.

Once I launch myself over the fence I grab Tweek’s hand and we’re bolting down the street. The nice thing about the trap house is that it's actually only about a half hour walk away from my house. If you cut straight through the forested area around Stark's pond you end up in South Park and by my house. It’s a long drive around but a bearable walk.

Tweek’s pupils have shrunk back to normal and I can feel his hand shaking in my grip.

“O-Oh god, Craig! Are they going to catch us?” Tweek is still slurring so I know he's still kind of drunk but so am I.

“Nah. We're fine. This happens a lot.”

“Oh, o-okay.” We've made it to the end of the dark road and the dead end is the start of the forest. Tweek edges closer to me as we start down into the darkness. “I think I-I want some coffee.”

“I don't think you need any coffee.”

“I have to work in t-the morning! I think I need coffee.”

“You don't work in the morning idiot. Your parents are home.”

“O-Oh. I forgot.”

We fall quiet. All that can be heard around us are branches crunching beneath our feet and gentle puffs of air as we breathe. The moon is full and high above us, making it pretty easy to see ahead. Unfortunately since the moon is so bright it's kind of hard to see the stars. I can only spot a few.

“C-Craig?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you still like stars, and s-space, and stuff?” Nice timing Tweek...

“Yep.”

“I like that you always pop your p’s. It makes me laugh.”

“Ruby hates it.” Tweek giggles and it's kind of endearing that he likes the one thing that drives Ruby absolutely insane.

“It's cool you still like space. I remember when we were little you said you were going to be Spaceman Craig.” I don't know what to say because I'm kind of touched he remembered that. It's been ages since I’ve even thought of my childhood dream of visiting space. “And I still like coffee.” I like listening to Tweek talk. He used to ramble all the time when we were kids too.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So we’re still a lot like when we’re kids. Now we're just bigger. But friends again.”

“Friends…”

We grow silent and the walk is peaceful. Eventually we hit Starks pond and Tweek tugs me to the water. The water is calm and still. I can see the shining light of the moon and the brightest stars reflected into the water. It's a major contrast to the raging party we had just been at.

Tweek doesn't stop walking until we’re standing at the very edge of the water. The shadow of us hand in hand is seen on the water. Tweek edges even closer to me so that our sides are pressed together.

“Are we friends?” Tweek asks quietly. I glance down at him but he's nervously staring at the ground as he chews on his lip.

“Is that what you want?” Tweek continues to chew on his lip.

“F-Friends don't usually kiss or stuff, do they? They don't want to h-hold their friends’ hand and hug them or k-kiss them or whatever…”

“What do you want to call it then?” I already knew the answer and my chest was starting to pound again. It's just one word that I'm waiting for and it's turning me into a nervous wreck.

Tweek is turning red and embarrassed. He finally looks up at me with a pout. “Craig,” he whines. He's obviously embarrassed and doesn't want to say it out loud.

“You want to call it Craig? I know I'm great but that might be a little much.” I can't fight the playful smile as Tweek groans.

“You k-know that’s not what I-I meant!”

“Say it Tweek.” Tweek gulps loudly. “Tell me what you want to call us.”

“Do you a-always have to be such an a-asshole?”

“Tweek.” I bend down so that my face lines up with Tweek’s. In the corner of my eye I can see our shadows merge together and meet as one. “Say it Tweek.” I all but whisper against his lips. He's turning even redder. His head leans forward to connect our lips but I pull myself backwards so that he just barely misses.

“Craig.” I reach out and bury one hand in his hair then set my other hand on his hip.

“It's just one word Tweek.”

“I hate you.”

“Tweek.”

“Fine!” I wait to hear that one word that's making my chest throb with anticipation. Finally after much hesitancy Tweek parts his lips. “B-Boyfriends?”

As soon as he's spoken the word our lips come crashing together with vigor. We're getting better at kissing. It’s not as awkward as it was earlier. Our teeth have stopped clanking together. Tweek’s hands are less stiff as they dig into my back. His tongue is less shy and more playful. There's not as much spit dripping down my chin…

I really fucking like kissing Tweek.

After what is not nearly long enough we’re parting so we can have a moment to breathe. It’s starting to get cold out, otherwise I'd be pretty damn satisfied to just stay out here all night.

“Let's get back to my house dude.”

Our fingers intertwine and then we’re back to walking.

--

When I finally wake up there's a really fucking nice warmth in my side. What's really not nice is my throbbing headache and deep rooted nausea that comes with drinking. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling as a night's worth of events flush its way through me.

Ninety percent of what I remember does not seem even remotely possible but when I turn my head the proof is all there.

Tweek Tweak is lying in my bed with his body curled into my side.

Shit.

Fuck.

Damn.

Fuck.

I think I'm dating Tweek fucking Tweak.

Holy shit.

Green eyes flutter open to stare at me. The timing is ridiculous considering I just fucking woke up. I'm too surprised to think so I just keep staring at him. He looks really fucking confused and also kind of sick. After a moment of staring at me he groans and buries his face into my shoulder.

My body acts without permission again. But it always does what I secretly want so it’s fine. My body turns over so that my free arm can loop itself around Tweek.

“Ngh, w-what time is it?”

My phone is still in the pocket of my jacket which I'm still somehow wearing. It reeks of booze. I would take it off but that requires disrupting Tweek from his position and the kid looks way too cozy.

“A’most two.” I cough to clear my throat.

“T-Two!” Tweek rudely bolts up in bed.

“I w’s comfortable you ass.”

“Two? As in t-two pm?!” I look up at Tweek and he looks panicked. His hands are in his hair. I pull his hands away and yank him down so that he’s lying down with his back pressed to my chest.

“Yeah, so?”

“W-We slept almost e-eight hours!”

“Yeah, so?”

“I n-never sleep that l-long!” Tweek is getting all jittery and nervous. It's a little strange but nice to see again after a night of drugged up Tweek. …Which is something I'm still pissed about.

I'm too tired to think so I just let my body go on autopilot. This somehow means it's time to repeatedly kiss Tweek’s neck. Alright then.

Tweek goes all stiff at once and then slowly relaxes into my touch as I work my tongue against his skin.

“It’s ‘kay. It was prob’ly the alcohol. It does that shit.” Tweek hummus lightly in response. “You ‘member last night?”

Tweek groans and rolls over so he can look at me. His hands reach out to grab at my dirty ass jacket. “Y-Yeah,” Tweek is blushing. “I-It’s kind of embarrassing but I d-dont regret a thing! I'm k-kind of glad I t-took that happy pill.”

“What the fuck, no. Why?”

“I-It gave me confidence! For o-once I felt strong enough to do whatever I-I wanted.” Tweek paused and proceeded to grow redder. “It gave m-me confidence to kiss you.” Tweek looks so god damn embarrassed. It's kind of fucking cute. I lean forwards and kiss him chastely. Morning breath is fucking nasty but the attention is worth it.

“Fine, but just this once. Okay? Drugs can fuck you up.” Tweek rolls his eyes at me. He was obviously done talking as he claimed my lips again.

It's as our tongues begin to twist together in some complicated dance when Tweek jerks away from me. I was getting ready to scold him and yank him back down when I catch sight of his face. He looked like-

“I-I’m-”

“Oh fuck no!” I grab his arm and seriously, in three seconds flat I'm shoving him down in front of a toilet right as he throws up.

It was becoming obvious this was going to take a while. I sit down and lean against the bathtub. Tweek reaches out and squeezes my hand tightly.

This is fucking nasty.

“Wow Tweek, you're a real romantic.” Tweek’s free hand rises to flip me off.

Finally he seems to be done and he leans back. “I'm never d-drinking again.” He looks horribly unhappy as he grimaces. He wipes his mouth off with his sleeve. He glances down and groans. He managed to get vomit on the front if his shirt.

“Take a shower man. There's a spare toothbrushes in the top drawer.”

“I'm never drinking a-again!”

I laugh as I close the door.

Chapter Text

My clothes are gone.

My clothes are fucking gone. Oh no. Oh god no. I need my clothes. I need my clothes right now. Craig can’t see. Craig can’t see me. If he sees me he’ll think I’m disgusting and he’ll hate me. Oh no. I need my clothes. Oh god.

“C-Craig!” I wrap the fluffy purple towel around my torso and clutch it tightly. I feel so exposed. I feel exposed and disgusting and- “Craig!” Oh god. No. Where are my clothes?!

“Tweek? What is it?” I don’t know whether to be horrified or relieved to hear Craig on the other side of the door.

“Craig, w-where’s my clothes?”

“I put them in the wash. You puked on them, remember? I grabbed you some of my clothes.” The door handle jiggles as the teen on the other side attempts to open the door. It’s getting hard to breathe. I feel sick again. “Dude, are you going to let me in?”

“U-Uh just, uh, set t-them on t-the floor. I-I’ll grab them s-soon.” Oh god. He can’t see. He can’t see.

“Are you okay?”

“J-Just leave t-them on the floor!”

“Tweek, what’s going on?”

“D-Damn it, Craig! L-Leave them on the f-floor!”

“Fuck dude, okay.” Craig huffs then seems to step away from the door. I wait until I hear Craig’s footsteps fade down the hall. With a heavy sigh I hesitantly open the door. A neatly folded pile of clothes wait for me. I pick them up and lock the door behind me.

Craig brought me a pair of black basketball shorts and a gray t-shirt that says Space Camp 2006. I need a long sleeve shirt. This isn’t good enough. Oh god this isn’t good enough. He’ll see me. He’ll see my disgusting arms. He’s going to see it. Oh god.

When I pull the shirt over my head I don’t shove my arms through the arm designated holes. Instead I press my ugly limbs to my chest. This outfit is gigantic. I’m paranoid the pants will slide off. But more importantly he can’t see my arms.

Through my shirt I carefully open the bathroom door. I make my way to Craig’s room. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm Tweek.

His door is wide open and covered in various signs that stay out. Craig is standing with his back to me. He’s fiddling with something in his hand. I stay quiet. I don’t want him to see me. He can’t see me.

If I stay distracted I’ll stay calm… Okay Tweek. Just distract yourself and stay calm. Look around Craig’s room. Ground yourself. Remember what Bentley would tell you to do. Stay grounded into reality.

Craig’s walls are painted dark blue and he still has the same soft twin sized bed from elementary school. His walls are covered in all kinds of posters and drawings. Various bands and indie movie posters I’ve never heard of decorate the dark blue surfaces. His ceiling is peppered with glow in the dark stars we spent hours putting up in fourth grade. It feels me with unexplainable joy to see those tiny little plastic shapes still there.

His desk is occupied by a desktop computer and dual monitors. I’m pretty sure Craig plays a bunch of video games and stuff. He has a couple of bookshelves that have some books but they’re mostly occupied by random boy-ish knick knacks.

I love his room, somehow it screams ‘Craig Tucker’.

Craig Tucker. Oh god. That’s right. He can’t see. I feel my chest tighten up again and I have to force myself to breathe. Deep breaths Tweek, deep breaths Tweek. Stay calm and grounded. Breathe!

Craig must hear me breathing because he turns around to look at me. The noirette looks a little worried but he’s still as stoic as ever. His short hair is spiked up slightly from sleeping on it. He also changed into fresh pajamas. He’s wearing sweatpants and a shirt that says; “Are you from outer space? Because you’re out of this world.”

Oh god, he’s perfect.

“Tweek,” he glances at my arms that remain stubbornly under my shirt. “What are you doing?”

“U-Uh,” I’ve never been very good at lying. I don’t even want to lie to Craig but-

“I-I’m cold.”

“You’re cold.” He repeats, monotonously.

“Y-Yes Craig, I’m cold.”

“Okay.”

“S-So can I have a jacket o-or something?” Craig just stares at me. He eventually starts to slowly move towards his closet.

“Sure,” he sounds like he doesn’t believe me. Oh god. “You sure you’re okay?”

“J-Jesus! Yes Craig!” This can’t be happening.

“You’re lying.” Craig grabs a hoodie from his closet then starts to make his way back over to me. “You bite your lip. When we were kids you did that. You’d always bite your lip when you lie.” Craig doesn’t stop until he’s towering right over me. “I remember because in elementary school I asked you if you drank coffee when you were trying to quit. You said no and bit your lip so hard it started bleeding and you freaked out.”

“I r-remember that.” Craig had then spent the next half hour just trying to calm me down. In the end another cup of coffee was the only thing that did the trick.

“And then you admitted that you lied.” His voice is soft. “So Tweek, what’s wrong?”

Oh, Jesus. Man. This is way too much pressure. How does he remember something so random like that? Oh man. What do I do? Oh god. He can’t see.

“N-Nothing!”

“Tweek.” He takes a hold of my chin and tilts my head up so that I’m looking at him. I think he’s showing the most emotion I’ve seen in a long time. He actually looks kind of worried. “If you don’t actually want to date me or something you can just tell me.”

“W-What! N-No!” I quickly snatch a handful of his shirt. It’s a little tricky to do considering I have to grip at him through the material of my own shirt. I push myself even closer to him so that our bodies are pressed together.

I feel better now that we’re touching. I think I actually really like Craig. I like how this is going. I like kissing Craig.

I like Craig.

I think I’ve always liked him. I didn’t want to like him. We weren’t friends anymore. I just pushed this adoration away and ignored it. I didn’t want this to new feeling to be real. I told myself that he’s scary. I told myself I hated him. But-

I don’t want to lose him. Not so soon. But why would he ever like someone like me? And soon he’ll see them and he’ll hate me. He’ll quit his job and we’ll never talk again. I’ll never ever date someone again because I’m so gross. I’ll be alone forever.

He’s going to hate me.

“Then what is it?” He taps my chin so that I’ll look back up at him. His weird eyes are intently fixed on mine. Those blue-gray eyes are peering into my soul. He’s going to find out. It’s over. This is all over. Oh god.

“I-I can’t t-tell you.”

Craig frowns. “Yes you can. Just open your mouth and say it. Dude we’re like dating now. You’re supposed to be honest and shit, or whatever.” Craig seems incredibly awkward. He’s such an awkward dorky giant. Oh I love how he’s such an awkward dorky giant.

I feel myself make some kind of whimpering noise. It’s so embarrassing when I make weird sounds. I sound like some kind of dumb animal. Ugh, I hate it. I hate this. Why am I so dumb? Why am I so fucking messed up?

“Tweek. Why are you hiding from me?” Craig’s hands let go of my face and move down to grip my puny biceps through my shirt.

Oh god. My heart is pounding so hard it’s going to explode. My entire is pulsing with this awful force. I swear to god my heart is going to explode. Seventeen is too young to die. It’s too young. I just started dating Craig!

“I-I’m cold.” The words are weak and half-hearted. I try not to but I feel my two front teeth graze against my lower lip. Craig sees it. He knows I’m lying. But I can’t tell him. He can’t know.

He’s going to find out. He’s going to see. Just a couple of weeks ago harming myself seemed like the perfect solution. It’s proof of my pain. But- now? Now I feel so gross and disgusting and ugly. Why did I ever hurt myself? What’s wrong with me?

“Tweek, c’mon.” Craig’s hands slide from my biceps to trace down the length of my arm until he reaches my hands. His fingers slide against my own. “Why are you hiding your arms? It’s okay. Just show me.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can. It’s okay.” His voice is soft and barely above a whisper. His touch is calm and gentle. I haven’t seen this side of Craig in so long… I’ve missed this. Why did I ever push him away? Why did I ever let our friendship end? Why did I ever let him go?

Everything is happening so fast. I can’t keep up. I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.

I can’t.

I can’t.

I can’t.

I can’t do this.

“Tweek, calm down.” Did Craig say something? What did he say? I think it’s getting hot in here. I think there’s something on my chest. Why is everything so heavy? What’s going on? I can’t. I can’t? “Tweek you’re panicking.”

Did he say something about panic? Or was that Titanic? Manic? Wow, it’s kind of hard to breathe.

I can’t.

I can’t.

Why can’t I breathe? Oh god. I can’t breathe.

Wait.

My arms. Oh god. Where are my arms? Why can’t I move my arms? I can’t breathe. I have no arms. Oh god. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t I can’t do this. I can’t breathe. Oh god. I can’t. I can’t!

“TWEEK! Hey, buddy, just pull your arms out. It’s okay. You can breathe. Deep breaths, okay? In and out, man. Just in and out.” That voice is familiar. That voice is soothing. That’s Craig? Yeah, that’s Craig. He’s right. It’s about breathing. I feel my arms being pulled and tugged.
Cool air hits my flesh and I’m free again.

It’s okay. I can. I can. I can. Breathe. Yes, I can breathe. Just breathe.

I can.

Wait.

Oh god. My arms.

Reality returns to me.

I was having a panic attack. I’m in Craig’s room. I’m okay. I can breathe. I have arms. I was having a panic attack. I can. It’s okay.

But- It’s not okay. It’s not okay because there is a set of stunning blue gray eyes that are fixed on my stupid ugly arms. There’s a stupidly perfect face turned down to stare at scrawny destroyed arms. Arms I destroyed. There’s a normally neutral face disfigured with a frown and furrowed eyebrows.

He knows.

He hates me. He’s disgusted. He knows my secret. Someone knows. It’s over. It’s all over. It was so perfect. It was so short. It was so perfect but now it’s over.

It’s getting hard to breathe again.

What do I even do? It’s really cold now. I think I’m shaking. I’m definitely shaking. The only things keeping me warm are the two hands that grip my wrists tightly.

He knows.

He’s silent. He hasn’t looked away from my arms. They’re no longer bandaged and the majority of injuries from my latest episode have healed. Only the worst of cuts are left as ugly dark scabs. It’s all so gross and- ugh.

It’s over. He knows.

“Tweek.” No. Don’t say a word. Don’t say anything Craig. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t think I can handle it. I know. I know. I know. I know how disgusting I am. I hate me too. It’s okay. I hate me. I’m so disgusting. Oh god. It’s over.

His hands slowly slide down. He weaves his fingers through mine. Why did he do that? What does that mean? He hasn’t looked up and met my eyes. Why is he holding my hands?

It’s over.

“Tweek, I-“ Craig cuts off to sigh heavily. He sounds so tired. He still hasn’t looked up. His eyes are focused on my stupid ugly arms. Look away Craig. Please. Please stop looking. “Hey, it’s alright.”

No it’s not. It’s not ‘alright’.

“Don’t cry,” he softly coos. Why does he sound so caring? Why does Craig Tucker sound sweet? Craig Tucker doesn’t do sweet.

Wait- crying? Am I crying? I pull one hand free and touch my face. I’m shaking so hard. My face is wet. I am crying…?

“Tweek, it’s okay. Just keep breathing, okay?” Craig finally looks up at me and our eyes meet. His icy façade is back but it’s not as closed off as usual. A sliver of emotion is still there.

The handsome teen doesn’t look away from me until I nod stiffly. “Okay, actually this isn’t okay. Fuck-“ I knew it. He’s breaking up with me. It’s over. It’s all over. Craig cuts off and runs his free hand through his hair. “I’m not good at this feeling, talking crap. I think you know that.

“But it’s not okay that you have to do this to yourself. It’s not okay that you’re covered in these. Hurting yourself is never the answer. Absolutely never.” His free hand goes back to grab my own. “This is shit you’re going to live with forever, but I think you know that. It’s not okay that you have to turn to harming yourself to feel better. I don’t hate you or anything because of it though. Don’t give me that look. I’m not going to break up with you over this shit.

“I just wish you never had to resort to this bullshit.” Craig sighs. “Besides all that shit it’s okay. You’re not any less of a person. I still really fucking like you, okay? You don’t have to be scared of me seeing this part of you.”

I don’t know what to say or think. I feel kind of numb and empty. Is this really happening It’s taking me nearly an entire minute to just process what Craig is saying.

What do I say now?

“I’m s-sorry,” is all I manage to force out. I can’t tear my eyes away from our clasped hands. Craig lets go of one of my hands to push my chin up. Our eyes meet and he gives me a half-hearted smile. My eyes flutter closed as his head dips towards mine.

His lips carefully being pushed against mine fills me with sweet relief. The kiss is short and sweet. That one little action is worth a million unsaid words that a shy stoic Craig Tucker can’t express. But most of all it means that this is okay. We’re okay.

Craig rests his forehead against mine and his fingers carefully sweep over my arms. I watch his dazzling eyes trace over every blemish on my skin. After several moments of peace he pulls away from me and takes a step backwards.

“Hey Tweek, I have something to show you, okay?” I nod.

I gasp when Craig’s hands reach down to grab the hem of his shirt. He starts pulling it up and I look away out of embarrassment. In the corner of my eye I see him fully take off his shirt. He tosses it over his computer chair.

“When I say I have something to show you that usually means you’re supposed to look, dork.” Craig sounds mildly amused but also… nervous?

I slowly turn my head so that I’m looking at him and I gasp.

Out of all the things I could have ever imagined I never expected this.

“Like I said, it’s not okay. It’s really not. But I also really fucking understand. I actually fucking understand Tweek.”

Craig does understand.

He knows.

Because…

Craig’s torso is scarred.

Dark pink parallel lines are etched into his flesh. All the way from the side to his ribs down to nearly his hips. Both of his sides are marked the most and the front of his torso as well although not as much. His scars are puckered and ugly. They’re all deep and disturbing.

Craig Tucker has scars.

Craig Tucker understands.

Craig Tucker knows what it’s like to be broken.

My body is moving on its own. Pretty soon I’m standing directly in front of Craig and my fingers are tracing the raised flesh. I still feel nothing but there is a swelling pressure in my chest.

“Hey, don’t cry.” His large hands are wiping at the corner of my eyes.

I never thought Craig Tucker would be someone who would understand what it’s like to be me.

“H-How?”

“I don’t know.” Craig shrugs. His hands slide down to grip my shoulders. “The doctors told me I had borderline personality disorder and your classic depression. I guess I’ve always just kind of had it? I never knew it because I just never really felt anything. I always felt empty and far away.
Does that make sense?” Craig glances up to look at me.

“Y-Yeah,” I whisper. I know exactly how that feels. Craig understands.

“I never felt anything and sometimes I just wanted to feel. I could feel pain. So when I wanted to feel I’d just do this to myself.” Craig pauses and I nod at him to continue.

I really had no idea.

“Then last year Ruby walked in on me and my whole family freaked. I had to go to a bunch of doctors and therapists and shit. Now I’m on medication to help it and yeah. I’ve been clean for like five months or something.”

I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.” Craig laughs softly and yanks me closer to him. He wraps his arms around me and I quickly hug him back. I feel his chin tuck itself over the top of my scalp. My forehead is pressed against his collarbone and I press my lips to his chest.

I want to make him feel better.

“Don’t be sorry. Just promise you’ll try not to hurt yourself again, okay? You’re better than that. I actually fucking understand Tweek. Just come to me or something, okay? Or I’ll go to you. Whatever you need. Just promise me, please?”

“O-Okay. I promise.” I don’t know if I can actually do it but with Craig by my side I think maybe I can.

I want to change. For Craig.
--

I didn't get home until about eleven that night. We spent all day lying together in Craig’s bed as we started watching the relaunch of Red Racer. At first we actually paid attention as Craig ranted on about how the original show is a million times better.

After the third or fourth episode we ended up just making out and talking. I told Craig about my bitter decline into mental illnesses and being institutionalized for it. He got frustrated that he ‘let me go’, even though I was the one who pushed him away. In return he told me more about his experience with his own illness. I wish I had been there for him.

I used to always wonder when we were kids how Craig and I were friends. We virtually have nothing in common but we always got along so well. I think now I get it. I think we both just always understood each other in ways other people can’t. We both understood what it’s like to struggle and feel empty and broken. We both understand what it’s like to just want to feel loved and not alone. We made each other feel not alone but then I ruined that when I pushed him away...

At dinner Craig’s family got super excited to see me. Thomas, who's Craig’s really scary dad, told me it was nice to see me around. Craig’s mom kept asking me questions non-stop and Craig practically had to pull Ruby off of me. Before I left they all told me to come back and visit again sometime.

I left Craig’s house feeling loved, understood and happy. I can't remember ever feeling this content. I don't feel so alone and it's a great feeling.

I’m not naive enough to think that everything will suddenly be alright now that I have a boyfriend. But I’ve made a new connection in life and I think I just really needed this. I really fucking needed this. Maybe now I’ll start to get better?

I don’t know. Craig is really distracting me. I left his house like fifteen minutes ago and already he won’t stop texting me. He keeps asking me what I’m doing. And now he’s going on about how Clyde won’t stop texting him asking about us.

It makes me smile.

I really can’t stop smiling.

I’m not really sure where my parents are. I promised Craig I’d ask them about the work schedule. For now I’m too focused on trying to make some coffee while texting Craig. He seriously needs to calm down. Five seconds of peace would be nice.

I’m sitting at the dining room table enjoying the coffee I had finally finished making when my parents walk into the room. I’m not really sure if they just got home or if they were upstairs or something. I don’t really care.

“Tweek honey, how was hanging out with your friends?” My mom looks kind of dazed and out of it. My dad just goes straight to the coffee pot and starts helping himself to my coffee.

“I-It was good.” Oh god what if they can tell I got drunk last night? Or what if they can tell I tried drugs? Oh god.

“You boys are inseparable, always running around together.” My mom laughs softly. I think she thinks I’m like twelve again and that I was never not friends with Craig. This happens. I guess mom really is sick, just like me.

“I g-guess mom.”

“Do you have school tomorrow? I just can’t seem to remember…” Mom hums delicately and glances off into the distance. She must be really out of it if she can’t remember that it’s summer break.

“Dear, I do believe Tweek is on summer vacation. Isn’t that right son?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Oh is that so?”

“Son this coffee is wonderful. It’s subtle and mild. Mild like that first splash of sun on an April morning. This coffee is coffee the way it should be.” My dad winks at me. “Now you remember that kiddo. Also, you and Kenny are working tomorrow morning, you hear?”

“D-Dad Kenny quit. I’m working with Craig n-now, remember?”

“Oh that’s right. Silly me. Almost as silly as the unneeded additive creamer serves in coffee. The rich dark roast really is it’s best on its own. Don’t you agree son?”

“Augh! S-Sure!” I pause to make sure my dad is finished. I always have to make sure he’s done with his coffee metaphors otherwise he won’t listen to me. You just have to wait for him to get it all out of his system I guess. “Can you make a copy o-of the schedule for work f-for Craig and I-I? You also n-need to set up Craig’s paycheck stuff o-or whatever.”

“Oh? I hope Craig isn’t working just for the money. Coffee is an art that needs patience and care. He understands that, right?”

“G-God dad! Jesus! Sure! We j-just want a schedule.”

“Tweek don’t yell at your father.” I really wasn’t yelling. “He just wants to make sure you boys take your job seriously. The shop is very important to this family. I know you’re young but it’s no excuse to slack off.”

“Ack. Mom, o-okay.”

“I’ll get that stuff ready but you remember what I said, okay? Coffee is-”

“No! I d-don’t want to hear it! I know!” I can’t stand having this same stupid conversation every time I try talking to my family.

“Sweetie why don’t you get to bed? It’s getting late and you have school tomorrow.” My mom is staring at me with blank eyes and a wide smile. God. Why can’t my parents just be normal?

“O-Okay. Sure.”

“Don’t forget your coffee!” I smile weakly at my mom but head upstairs anyways.

Deep breaths Tweek. Just deep breaths.

Chapter Text

“Tweek,” okay, don’t spill, “uh, hello, Tweek? I’m talking to you, you asshole.” Don’t spill the coffee. Ignore Craig. I repeat, do not spill the coffee. Ignore- “Tweek!”

“NGH! J-JESUS CHRIST!” The coffee drops to the floor and without skipping a beat my needy ass boyfriend drops to his knees and starts wiping the floor with a towel.

When I started dating Craig, a whole four days ago, I never thought he’d be so clingy. I mean - it’s nice, I just never saw it coming. I constantly catch Craig touching me for some reason or another. Yesterday he was tracing his finger across my back idly as we watched TV and then when I brought it up he made up some excuse about picking a hair off my back.

Bull fucking shit.

“Craig! What d-did I say about bothering me when I’m t-trying to concentrate?” I groan to myself and start remaking the drink. The shop is currently empty of customers but I still really wanted that beverage. Jesus Christ Craig (I’ve been saying that a lot lately).

“That if I’m going to annoy you I have to do it louder?” I groan but he just laughs. It’s kind of weird how much Craig has been laughing these last few days. I absolutely adore it. “Anyways, did you hear what I was saying earlier?”

“No! I was c-concentrating!” Craig glances up at me and very obviously rolls his eyes at me.

“It’s called multitasking dumb ass. Anyways, Token and Clyde want us to head over to Token’s after work.”

“W-What?! I thought you were gonna s-stay at my house tonight?” Craig and I have pretty much become inseparable. When we’re not working together we’re hanging out. When we’re not hanging out we’re texting. We’re still constantly arguing but we’ve had yet to really fight or get sick of each other. I wonder how long it’ll take before either of those things actually happens.

“I know but Clyde is throwing a bitch fit over it. He’s going on about how there’s only a week and a half until school starts so we have to make it count.” I drop the empty paper coffee cup I had been holding and stare at Craig with wide eyes.

“School s-starts in less than t-two weeks?!?” My voice has gone all shrill and Craig shoots me a lazy amused glance. He finishes cleaning the mess that is totally his fault, and then tosses the dirty towel into the laundry bin.

“Yeah, Tweekers. It’s like August.”

“J-Jesus Christ! I don’t want to go to school! I’m n-not ready for that s-shit.” My hands are in my hair and Craig is tugging my grip free.

“Hey, school will be fine. You have me, Token and Clyde, remember? It’s our senior year man. It’s the year that everyone finally actually stops giving a fuck. It’ll be great. It’ll be one long ass year of partying, smoking weed, and making out.” Craig gives me that playful grin that means he’s half messing with me.

I just whimper and Craig’s lips turn downwards. “But Craig I-I don’t like school.” The noirette tugs me against him and two long arms wrap around my torso.

Another thing that surprises me about Craig is that he seems to like PDA. I think Craig just doesn’t care what people see or think of him. PDA kind of freaks me out but I also like the attention so most of the time I just go with it.

“You didn’t mind school back in elementary school, right? When we were all still friends?” I nod. “And you like hanging out with me and the guys.” I nod again. “And for some god forsaken reason you’re actually friends with Kenny.” Nod. “And you’re even friends with dumb-fuck Bebe Stevens and bitchy-ass Wendy Testaburger.” This one makes me gasp and pull away from him.

“Bebe is not d-dumb and W-Wendy is actually nice!” Craig rolls his eyes and pulls me back against him.

“Whatever, Bebe is a manipulative beast and Wendy is like a Velociraptor.”

“Craig,” I groan. Craig is honestly a gigantic ridiculous dork.

“Jeez, fine, okay. I’m just saying school will be a-okay. You just gotta take it one step at a time or whatever. That’s what my old councilor always told me.” Craig shrugs and pulls away from me.

I’ve noticed that Craig doesn’t like the word ‘therapist’. I don’t mind it; I mean I was in therapy. That’s what it was, I wouldn’t really call it ‘counseling’. There’s really no sugar coating it in my mind. I’ve also noticed that whenever Craig talks about himself and his past he gets reclusive. He always stops touching me and distracts himself or changes the subject. It kind of worries me.

“A-Alright,” Craig lets me go and picks up the cup I had dropped. I set it down and get back to working on my coffee. “What do t-they want to do?”

“What?”

“At T-Tokens, I mean.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Clyde was spouting some bullshit about an epic summer blast or whatever.” Craig leans over the counter and starts tapping his fingers on the surface rhythmically. The other day he was doing the same thing but moving his fingers in a certain way. I thought maybe he was phantom-playing the piano, which I don’t think he even plays, but when I asked him he said he was typing out his thoughts.

Craig is so weird.

“That sounds s-scary.”

“Eh,” Craig shrugs lazily and glances over his shoulder towards the back room. “Only a little; it probably just means getting stoned and getting stuck in some shitty situation or whatever. And speaking of getting stoned, let’s smoke a bowl?” Craig gives me a very serious look and I stare at him expectantly.

“W-What?”

“We can kissy-kissy.” I screech in surprise and Craig runs away as I chase after him. Two days ago we were really freaking high and accidentally asked Craig to kissy-kissy me. Craig laughed for a solid ten minutes. It was like the snoopy incident all over again.

When I run into the break room after Craig he’s hiding behind the door and jumps out at me. I scream again but it quickly gets muffled by a set of moist lips smothering my own.

Xxx

“-and then we’ll just park and have a bonfire!”

“Clyde that’s boring as fuck and an awful idea. Those roads suck ass and only your shitty ass truck can handle that drive.”

Craig, Token, Clyde and I are currently lounging in the movie room, dubbed smoke room because his parents never go down there for some reason. Clyde just finished telling his ‘brilliant’ epic summer blast idea and Craig’s right. It is kind of a dumb idea. His idea mainly consists of driving up the foothills of the mountains, parking, getting out in the cold, smoke weed, and have a fire.

I don’t mind tame but that sounds kind of… boring. But at the same time I’ve never driven up the mountains and I know it’s something all teenagers do. I like weed, I like my friends, and I do like nature. So I guess it doesn’t sound all that bad?

“But Craaaaaig, the mountains are cool. You can see all the stars and stuff.” Clyde throws his body over my lap to grab the front of Craig’s shirt to beg. I accidentally squeak like some dog toy and Craig pushes Clyde off of me and onto the floor.

“I agree with Craig but I mean it’s not like we have anything else to do. I guess we could give it a try. But-“

“OH SHIT TOKE I LOVE YOU MAN. HAHAHA. DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I CALLED YOU TOKE ‘CUZ WE’RE GONNA GO TOKE.” Clyde is rolling on the floor laughing hysterically and it’s sad to think this is how he acts when he’s not high. Craig facepalms in a manner that reminds me of Stan. Thinking of Stan just makes me think of Kenny and that makes me think of ecstasy and that makes me blush because I had felt so socially intimate and did whatever I pleased. That’s still embarrassing. I mean I fucking kissed Craig Tucker. Like two weeks ago I was terrified to talk to him.

Only two weeks ago. Holy shit. Time flies.

“BUT-“ Token cuts off Clyde with a pointed stare that makes Clyde groan. “But, Clyde you are a supremely shitty driver. I still think your driver’s license is fake.” Clyde starts protesting.

“I’m not fucking driving.” Craig quickly adds. He grabs my hand from the couch and starts playing with the band aids on my fingers. I have a habit of picking at my hands and randomly cutting them on things.

“Wow Craig thanks,” Token rolls his eyes in his ‘mama Token’ manner. “I was just about to say I’m willing to drive if we all agree to do this mountain drive thing.”

“I still say no fucking way.” Everyone ignores Craig but he’s distracting me by how he lifts each of my fingers before letting them fall back onto the couch.

“You’re a butt muncher Craig.” My boyfriend flips off his supposed best friend but Clyde returns the gesture. “Anyways what does your boyfriend think?” The brunette starts snickering because he thinks it’s the most ‘gosh darnest’ thing that we’re dating.

“My boyfriend thinks no fucking way, you ass hat.”

“How about you let your boyfriend talk for himself.” The sudden pressure makes me make another dog-toy noise. Token gives Craig a scolding glare but Craig just stares at me expectantly.

I nervously cough into the hand that Craig isn’t still picking at. “U-Uh, um, yeah. Actually, I-I, uh, don’t think i-it sounds that bad?”

Craig gasps and yanks his hand away from me. I look over in time to see him cross his arms and pout like a stubborn child.

“HA! FUCK YEAH, TAKE THAT CRAIG. YOUR BOYFRIEND PICKED ME OVER YOU.” Clyde is back to rolling on the floor while laughing.

“Oh fuck you Clyde!” And with that Craig shoots off the couch and is tackling Clyde who is screaming like a girl. Watching those two wrestle makes me nervous but it’s also very boyish and childish and cute.

I glance over at Token who’s smiling at his two friends. I like Token. He’s nice and patient with me but he also kind of intimidates me. I feel like I must annoy him.

“H-Hey Token?” The dark skinned teenager turns his dark gaze on me. “Can I u-uh make lots of c-coffee before we go?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Wana go upstairs and get started on it now? Dumb asses will be at it for about five more minutes, and then we can just go?” Token is smiling at me so I smile back and follow Token up the stairs to his kitchen.

It’s only like eight o’clock but most of the lights are off on the main floor and I think Token’s parents are asleep. Token flips on the lights as we enter and he’s making small talk at a casual noise level so I assume it’s safe to speak normally. I’d probably cry if I accidentally woke up
Token’s parents. I’ve only seen them in passing recently but they still intimidate me.

Anyone who is grown up, rich, and successful intimidate me.

“-Craig?”

“Huh?” I had been so focused on my thoughts of intimidating sleeping parents that I had completely spaced out on Token. This makes him frown but he doesn’t seem too annoyed, I think?
Oh Jesus.

“I asked how you and Craig are?”

“O-Oh!” I feel myself blushing. Ever since the party on Friday Kenny and Bebe have been teasing me and asking about it. Kenny came over to my house Sunday and Bebe’s texted me but it’s all been super embarrassing. “It’s u-uh nice.”

“Nice?” Token hums. He’s pulling out the rich-person fancy coffee beans that secretly makes me salivate with want. I don’t catch what Token says next but I hear him say something like, ‘happy?’.

“Oh J-Jesus! Y-Yes! Ngh! I’m pretty s-sure Craig’s happy. He’s been all d-dorky and stuff. He gets l-like that when he’s all h-happy and stuff. Or at least h-he did when we were k-kids.” Token scoffs and starts grounding the coffee beans in his fancy automatic coffee grinder.

“I know Craig’s happy Tweek. You’re all he talks about.” Token is shaking his head exasperated but I just turn red and ‘eep’. I know Craig complained that Clyde won’t stop asking about it, but does Craig really just keep talking about me? Holy shit. “I asked if you’re happy.”

“O-Oh! Yeah, I-I am. I’m really g-glad to be friends with all y-you guys again.” Token smiles at me then begins pouring the fresh grounds into the coffee maker. He has one of those old school classic coffee brewers but it’s like on steroids. It makes a classic pot of black drip coffee but it’s fancy and tastes delicious. I secretly think about stealing it but I’d never actually do that.

“I wish it’d have happened sooner but I’m glad the crew is back together for senior year at least.” Token is leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed casually. “You have an idea on what you want to do after High School?”

“Ngh! Oh J-Jesus! I don’t know? T-That’s so much pressure!”

“Oh, sorry Tweek, I didn’t mean to make you worry.” He looks genuinely upset that he set me off.

“It’s okay! I-I-, uh, I- yeah. It’s o-okay. Do you, uh, k-know what you want to d-do?” I’m picking at my hands again because I’m nervous. Token is actually a relatively normal person and relatively normal people ask things like that, right?

He glances at me with a little smile. He’s readjusting the top of his fancy sweater looking thing. Token dresses really nice. He actually has style or whatever. He seriously looks like he walked out of some magazine. It still baffles me that Token is friends with Clyde and Craig but I guess they need someone to take care of them.

“I don’t know actually. My parents want me to go to Harvard for medical sciences or whatever.” Token shrugs casually as if going to an Ivy League school is no big deal. I’m just too shocked to even think.

“Is Token going on about his rich successful ass again?” The familiar stoic voice coming from the top of the stairs makes me jump in surprise. Craig is smiling slightly as Token rolls his eyes.

“Fuck you Craig.” Token flips him off but rather than looking offended Craig looks proud.

“You’re finally learning Mama Token.” My boyfriend crosses the kitchen to hoist himself up onto the counter I’m standing against. I’m not surprised to feel his arm press against my back as he lounges casually.

“Craig’s a bully!” Clyde bursts into the kitchen huffing angrily while looking red. Craig laughs and Clyde runs to Token who just rubs Clyde’s hair patiently.

“Clyde if you just learned that today we need to have a talk about your intelligence.” Token is grinning at Clyde with a mischievous smile and the brunette gasps offended.

“Not you too!” Clyde runs away from Token and heads straight to me. “Tweek, give me some love!” Craig hoists me up onto the counter to avoid the brunette’s wrath but instead Clyde buries his head into my lap and wraps his arms around my waist.

My boyfriend is staring at Clyde unhappily and because I have no idea what I’m supposed to do I awkwardly pat his hair. “Uh, t-there there.”

Token is snickering and shaking his head. “Well Tweek your coffee is done. I have a huge ass thermos you can use.” I’m ready to slide off the counter but Clyde won’t let go of me.

“Clyde for fucks sake let go of Tweek or else we’re not going on this stupid adventure of yours.”

“Whaaat! No!” Clyde jumps away from me as if I’m about to kill him. I slide off the counter and Craig follows me. Clyde has thrown half of his body over the counter and is woefully complaining. Everyone ignores him so I do too. Token digs out two huge ass thermoses from his cupboard and sets them onto the counter.

“Do you want anything in your coffee?”

“N-No, just black.” Usually I’d add some splenda or whatever but I’m in the mood for the bitter taste.

“You’re so weird.” Token shakes his head thoughtlessly as he pours the entire pot of coffee into both of the thermoses.

“Mama Token, Mama Token!” Clyde has removed himself from the counter and is now tugging on Token’s jacket.

Token just swats his friend away. “Mamaaaa.”

“Clyde stop calling me Mama Token. I swear to god I’m going to fire you from being my friend.”

“Whaat? I don’t get paid.”

“You don’t?” Craig glances at me briefly and he has that look in his eyes that means he’s messing around. “That’s funny because I do.”

Clyde doesn’t seem to know that Craig is joking and starts to get very offended. “What? Token! You’ve been paying Craig all this time, but not me?” Token face palms and shakes his head.

“I’m so done.”

“That’s so not fair though! Like. I could be doing so much with that money. Imagine all the tacos. I only eat tacos like once every two weeks but that could have been twice every two weeks!”

“So every week?”

“No! Like… actually yeah I guess so. I could have been eating Tacos weekly Token! Look what you’ve done to me? You’ve ruined my life.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m done. I’m going to bed.” Token turns to leave the room but Clyde grabs him and yank him backwards.

“I’m kidding! It’s okay; continue to be a cheap ass. Seriously though, I was just going to say we should bring some blankets or something.” We all just stare at Clyde surprised.

“Wow Clyde, that’s actually kind of smart.” Craig sounds sarcastic but we all know he’s dead serious.

“Hey now! I’m not dumb, okay. I come up with good ideas sometimes. Jesus Craig, no need to be an asshole. Sheesh.” Clyde crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. These boys are such dorks that it fills me with glee and I can’t fight a giggle.

Craig glances at me and he has that soft look in his eyes he gets right before he kisses me. He doesn’t though. But his hand does reach out to grab mine. I still don’t like PDA but I don’t mind this.

Xxx

It takes us nearly an hour to get all ready to go. It turns out Clyde’s shitty ass truck only has a front seat so we’re all crammed together as Token drives us out of town. Clyde’s truck’s name is apparently Dave and Dave scares me. He’s kind of old and rusty and makes scary noises as we drive.

The truck was Clyde’s uncles who gave it to Clyde when he got his license. Clyde also claims Dave is his soul mate because he’s reliable. Or something? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m jammed in between Token and Craig and Clyde is sitting next to the window but the window is rolled down. The window being rolled down makes it cold but more than anything it’s terrifying because Clyde is leaning way out of the window and keeps screaming random stuff.

“TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE GAY AS FUCK. HA!” Clyde just keeps on shouting and Craig looks vaguely amused and Token just doesn’t even care.

I could really use a cigarette. I didn’t bring any though. Actually I just ran out and I think my neighbor might be dead or something because he hasn’t left any outside lately. If he’s dead and in his house I think his spirit is going to come haunt me and that’s scary.

“Hey, C-Craig, can I have a s-smoke?”

“If you’re gonna smoke in the car at least wait until we’re out of city limits.” Token pipes up, glancing at me sideways.

“N-No, I meant a c-cigarette. Is that o-okay?”

Oh man, maybe Token doesn’t like cigarettes. I mean I know Craig smokes them but Token’s smart and smart people don’t like them. Jesus Christ I’m so dumb.

“You smoke?” Token looks surprised and I nod shyly. “I don’t care, feel free.”

Craig is already fishing out a supremely rumpled up pack of smokes from his back pocket. He flips the pack open and hands me one before taking one for himself. I fish out my lighter about coffee being my anti-drug and light up.

The first inhale of nicotine is always my favorite. It’s kind of like a kick to the chest but it fills my lungs with that pressure and helps me relax. I haven’t exhaled yet and realized I don’t know which way to blow it out. I don’t want to be that asshole who blows cigarette smoke in peoples faces. Jesus.

In the end I decide to blow in Craig and Clyde’s direction because Craig is my boyfriend and smokes too and Clyde gets over everything. Neither boy seems to care when I exhale and Craig simply mirrors me. The sudden smoke distracts Clyde and he sits back down in the cramped truck. He’s staring at me and it’s making me fidget so I try to just distract myself with smoking more.

“Wow Tweek, you smoke?” I glance nervously at Clyde and nod. Don’t tell me Clyde is someone who hates smokers? Aw man. “Damn, you look hot when you smoke.” Everyone in the car, except Clyde, starts choking at the same time.

“What the actual fuck Clyde?” Craig looks really annoyed and Token is staring at Clyde with eyes so wide he kind of looks like a fish.

“Oh, sorry, just saying.” Clyde shrugs casually then sticks his head out the window to start singing the Pokémon theme song.

Craig and Token share a look that I can’t exactly read.

Eventually the poor quality paved roads turns into a gravel road and the dust forces us to roll up the windows. By then the cigarettes were long gone and only Clyde’s ‘chillstep’ fills the silence.

Dave has started to climb up the foothills of the mountains and at night it’s terrifying. Only yellow head lights light the way and I swear behind the trees surrounding us is like cliffs or gigantic drops or something. I’m freaking terrified.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve been up here. I think Craig’s mom forced his dad to take all of us sledding once. I just remember Clyde dislocating his elbow or something so we had to leave early and he had to go to Hell’s Pass.

The road just continues to climb up and up. Melodic dubstep beats fill the air and everything kind of feels like a dream.

A really scary dream.

I feel like I’m magically ascending up to the heavens all alone, except the three warm bodies surrounding me remind me that I’m not.

I decide it’s time for some more coffee.

Finally we seem to hit the peak of this hill or mountain or whatever and everyone collectively gasps.

“Woah.”

The mountains continue upwards around us but we’ve reached a peak that allows us to see outwards into the sky. What we see is picturesque and perfect and just absolutely breathe taking.

There are stars everywhere. They cluster together in a shimmering blanket. The Milky Way is very visible and the moon is just a peeking crescent. There’s not a single cloud in the sky and everything is perfect. Token pulls the car over on the left side of the road where there is a large flat clearing.

We’re all silent and in awe as Token parks the car and turns it off. The music is gone and only the sound of our breathes remain. No one interrupts the silence and it’s really peaceful. This whole entire movie-like moment has yet to be shattered.

I still have to remind myself that this is all real. Yes, I’m in the mountains crammed into Dave with three guys I’ve known since we were kids. It’s been two weeks since I’ve reconnected with them. I’ve been dating Craig Tucker for four days. Yes I have issues.

But I’m not the only one. Clyde has lost his mother. Token has parents that pressure him into being someone he’s not. Craig has scars.

Yes I’m messed up. Yes I have scars. Yes I’m schizophrenic. Yes I’m on so much medication. Yes my parents are not normal. I’m not normal. But neither is Clyde, Token, or Craig.

We’re just who we are.

At this celestial moment I can remember that everything will be okay, and for the first time in a long time I’m not alone.

Life is like a movie. It’s over way too soon. Cherish every second. Cherish every second Tweek. And right now I wish to cherish these three precious people who have entered my life.

For once it’s not Craig who’s reaching out to hold hands but it’s me. When our hands fold together the moment truly becomes complete. Nothing is perfect. Nothing will ever be perfect but for now I think it is. To others this moment may not be considered brilliant but for me it is. It really, really is.

The four of us are four completely different people. We’re all silent and none of us know what the others are thinking but I think we’re also connected and more together than we’ve ever been before. We’re all sharing this unbelievable moment together. And this moment will be one I think I will remember forever.

Chapter Text

My slim cellular device came to life with a buzz indicating that I had just received a text message. My hand twitches with the automatic reaction of wanting to check it. I know it's probably just Tweek but I'm busy currently doing the dishes so it'll have to wait.

"Who're you texting Craigifer?" I didn't even notice Ruby had entered the kitchen until she walked up next to me and spoke. She makes a grab for my phone but I push her away with my hip as I continue to casually wash dishes.

"My name isn't even Craigifer."

"I know but it's ugly as fuck, just like you. So it works." She tries to grab my phone again so I use my wrist to push it across the counter so that it's further away from her. "Is it your boyfriend or something?" Her snicker tells me she's joking but it's kind of unsettling how spot on she actually is.

"Don't you have something better to do than annoy the hell out of me. Your voice makes me want to kill people. Go away. I'm trying to do dishes in peace."

Ruby scoffs and starts pulling her hair up in a bun. It honestly weirds me the fuck out how girls can just magically put their hair up in fancy buns. I hardly know how to brush my hair every morning.

"I live here too you know." She finishes with her hair and adjusts her pants. Out of the corner of my eye I see her shamelessly checking herself out in the shiny reflection of our silver fridge.

"Why aren't you hanging out with your friends? Seriously leave me alone. Stop checking yourself out too, it's creepy." A plate slips out of my hand and hits the bottom of the sink with a loud clang. In the distance I hear dad yell something at me.

"You're such a fuck up. Anyways, I am going to go hang out with my friends. More like, my friends are coming over here. Karen is on her way over."

"Great, I'm leaving then." Ruby scoffs and opens the fridge. She's humming to herself as she pulls out the carton of milk. She opens it up and doesn't bother using a glass but instead drinks straight from the container. "Are you fucking kidding me. Stop that. That's nasty. Use a fucking cup. Fuck Ruby."

The borderline ginger ignores me and puts away the milk. She walks back across the kitchen to watch me do dishes.

"School starts in exactly a week."

"Wow, no shit Sherlock. Thanks for the heads up. I had no idea." I load up the final bowl into the dishwasher and bend down to grab the soap for the machine.

"I'm just saying. No need to be an ass."

"Well I'm just saying, no shit Sherlock."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, well fuck you too. Go away. You're bugging me." I close the dishwasher and start it. I turn back to the sink to wash my hands.

"Are you still going to work at Tweek Bros?"

"Well, I was planning on it. Why?" Ruby's shuffling her feet, staring downwards. I finish drying off my freshly cleaned hands.

"I've heard things about you and Tweek." I had been reaching for my phone but freeze at her statement. I don't really care if people are talking about us but the fact that it's already reached my sister makes me a little uncomfortable.

I don't care what my parents think about me dating a guy but I also get the feeling they wouldn't take it well. My dad is a diehard conservative and I remember when gay marriage was legalized in Colorado he literally threw a bitch fit for nearly an entire month.

Ruby's staring at me expectantly. My sister is annoying and sometimes I really want to throttle her but out of all the members in the family I'm the closest to her. We've never been open to each other or really talked about feelings but growing up in the same screwed up family has made us understand each other in a certain way.

"Well," I swallow thickly and shrug. "Well, those are all probably true."

"Wait!" Ruby gasps and covers her mouth. She looks elated. "So you really are dating him? You're gay?!"

"Fuck not so loud. Shit. You know how Dad is." I also don't know if I'm really gay but I don't feel like getting into that.

Ruby frowns slightly. "But it's true. Like really true? You're dating Tweek? A boy?"

I sigh and nod.

"Yep." For once Ruby doesn't scold me for popping the 'p'.

"Wow, you know. I think we actually have something in common then." She opens her mouth to elaborate when dad interrupts her.

"Ruby, Karen's here!"

My sister frowns slightly but then shrugs. "Whatever, see ya later fuck face." She flips me off and disappears. I probably just stand there for a solid two minutes while I try to figure out what she had meant by saying we had something in common.

Does she like Tweek too or something?

My phone vibrating again reminds me that I'm supposed to text Tweek back. I grab my phone and a soda from the fridge then run upstairs to my room. I plop down at my desk where my game of Fallout 4 is open and paused. I had been playing it before my mother so rudely interrupted me and forced me into doing dishes.

I slide my thumb across the lock screen and the messaging app on my phone automatically opens. I stopped texting Tweek a solid fifteen minutes ago so by now I have six messages from him.

Tweek: Jesus Christ dude I'm out of coffee at home.

Tweek: How did this even happen? My family runs a coffee shop for fucks sake you shouldn't just run out of coffee man.

Tweek: Come get coffee with me?

Tweek: Craaaaig pleaseee I need coffee and I want to hang out

Tweek: oh come on I miss you

Tweek: and coffee

I laugh at Tweek's messages and I go ahead and close out of my game. Apparently I'm now going to go get coffee with Tweek. Honestly I wouldn't mind coffee anyways. Last night we didn't get back from the mountains, which was actually pretty fucking nice, until really fucking late and I'm exhausted. I would have slept at Token's all day but his parents were supposed to come home today from their rich trip so he kicked us all out.

Craig: sorry I was doing dishes then Ruby was harassing me. But yeah lets go get coffee. I'm getting dressed now then ill walk over to your house and get you

Tweek: Jesus Christ thank god hurry

I text Tweek back telling him to chill the fuck out then turn back to my closet. Suddenly I realize that I'm actually putting both thought and effort into what I'm going to wear today. I shudder and pick a shirt at random. It happens to be a shirt with a cat on it wearing a pair of aviators. In all caps the shirt says "CHECK MEOWT".

Clyde got it for me for my birthday last year. Surprise, surprise.

I push my legs into black jeans, sling on my dark blue jacket, then force my hat onto my hair. I quickly pull on my vans and deem myself looking just fine. The cat shirt is a little too cheesy for my tastes but I get a feeling Tweek will get a kick out of it.

I walk quickly down the stairs and past the kitchen. Before I can completely escape my mother spots me.

"You stop right there Craig Tucker. Where are you going?" Laura Tucker crosses her arms and stares at me with a scolding expression. The majority of the time my parents don't give a fuck what I do so it's out of the ordinary for her to stop me like this.

"I'm gonna go hang out with Tweek. I already did the dishes you know. That's why the dishwasher is running." Mom rolls her eyes, puts her hand on her waist, and cocks her hip.
"I don't need that attitude for fucks sake. You got mail from your school. It's on the table."

"Wow, how exciting. Can I go now?" Mom shrugs and turns back to cooking. I take it as a yes and finally successively manage to leave.

I start heading towards my boyfriend's house and halfway there I discover Tweek walking towards me. I think he's smoking a joint which for some reason kind of bugs me. Does he really need to be high to hang out with me?

I shake off the dumb feeling and half smile at the twitchy blonde who looks happy to see me. He's wearing his usual green button up that's of course not buttoned correctly. I haven't seen him wear that button up in a while and it makes me feel all nostalgic and smiley.

"H-Hey!" He exclaims. He picks up his pace to half jog up to me. He slows to a stop when he's directly in front of me. His forested eyes peer up to meet mine and I'm overwhelmed by the desire to kiss him.

"Hi Tweekers." He scowls slightly at the nickname and I can't resist it. I bend down to softly press my lips against his. The kiss doesn't last long and when I pull away Tweek looks rather uneasy.

"O-Oh man! You can't just do that! S-Someone could see, Jesus!" He brings the joint to his lips and inhales desperately.

"I just wanted to kiss you." I roll my eyes and Tweek pouts. I turn and start heading towards downtown and Tweek closely follows.

"But people w-will see and hate us."

"First of all, fuck everyone. Second of all, you didn't seem to care about making out in front of those people Friday night." Tweek blushes at the memory which I think is a pretty nice one.

"I w-was on things man! I felt i-invincible. That's different." We're walking close enough together that his shoulder brushes against my arm. I kind of wonder what it'd be like to hold his hand as we walked in public. It's something we've never done before but I think I'd like to.

"Sure, whatever you say." I'm obviously teasing and he gasps to feign annoyance. I hold out my hand and Tweek hands me the joint.

I take a deep inhale off the diminishing length. It's nice but I don't think it's really necessary. Most days I do want to get high but today I could care less. I'm fucking pleased as punch to be hanging out with Tweek.

"Y-You know Craig, Clyde is r-right."

"Clyde was right? That's ludicrous." Tweek laughs. We've hit the edge of the downtown area and there are a few people out on the sidewalks as they casually stroll through town.

"No I'm s-serious! He called you really sassy, and I-I think he's right." I didn't expect to be called sassy and it makes me laugh.

"Fuck Tweek, I'm not sassy I'm an asshole. There's a difference." By now we're only a block away from Tweek Bros.

"No, Clyde's d-definitely right."

"When have you been talking to Clyde anyways?" I don't really care if they've been hanging out I just don't understand when they would have done it. I've been talking and hanging out with Tweek constantly.

"He t-texts me." I glance at Tweek and he's staring at me shyly.

"Really? How's that?"

"I-Its nice actually. I'm not used to so m-many people texting me."

"Who all is texting you?" I ask curiously. I look back over at Tweek and he blushes slightly.

"W-Well, just you and Clyde. S-Sometimes Ken." He looks so bashful and it's cute as fuck. I can't help but reach out ruffle his hair. It makes him groan but I'm pleased with myself.

"But you text me most, right?" Tweek scoffs.

"How can I n-not! You never stop t-texting me!"

"You know you told me you missed me but I'm not quite getting that vibe now." We just reached the shop and we pause outside.

"H-Hey! I was embarrassed j-just texting you that!" His statement is pretty justified by the way he's turning red as fuck. I feel myself grinning pretty smugly. "B-But I did," he averts his eyes," miss you, t-that is."

I really want to kiss him again but I get the feeling he'd freak out. He looks up at me and as our eyes meet I get the feeling he also wishes we could kiss.

I never thought I'd be the type of boyfriend who would want to hold hands and kiss in public. But then again I also never really thought I was the dating type period.

"You know we saw each other this morning before leaving Token's." I guess that was like six hours ago but still.

Tweek is turning red. "Coffee t-time!" He darts ahead and pushes into the shop. I curse under my breath as I realize that I'll finally have to talk to Tweek's parents for the first time in ages. I'm disappointed in myself that I couldn't even avoid them for an entire week.

As soon as we're through the doors a delicate feminine voice is speaking. "Tweek, dear, did you come to visit us?" Mrs. Tweek is smiling at her son with a dazed look in her eyes. I slowly walk up behind Tweek who's leaning against the counter.

"Uh, s-sure. We're also out o-of coffee. Can you make me and C-Craig some?" Tweek sounds younger when talking to his mom and he looks almost nervous. I can't help but wonder why. I don't see where Richard Tweek is so I figure if he's in the back room.

"Oh goodness, we're out? That can't be. Did you look in the cupboard?" Tweek groans and his hands move to his hair. I'm afraid he'll start tugging on the golden strands but instead he runs his fingers through the locks before putting his hands back onto the counter.

"Yes," he shoots me a look over his shoulder and his mom seems to just see me for the first time.

"Oh, hi there Craig. Would you like a cookie? I just made them earlier. I even made your favorite. The peanut butter ones." I have no idea how she remembers what kind of cookie I like and I don't know whether to be flattered or creeped out.

"Uh, no thank you. I just ate." I didn't actually but I don't really want a cookie. By the look Tweek is giving me I think I made the right choice of saying no.

"That's too bad, maybe another time."

"Mom, I n-need coffee. Please?"

"Sure thing sweetie, what do you want?" His mom is turning to the grinder and already starts it up.

"S-Something sweet... Raspberry white m-mocha?" I know how to actually make coffee now but it didn't even occur to me that you could make something like a raspberry white mocha. I'm not very good at the whole coffee making thing. They all taste like shit.

"How about for you Craig?" I want to ask for the coffee Tweek always makes me but I don't actually know what kind of coffee that is. Luckily Tweek comes to my rescue and orders for me.

"He w-wants…" I space out as Tweek explains to his mother how exactly he makes my drink. I didn't realize my coffee was so weird and complicated. My thoughts turn back to my conversation with Ruby earlier.

I still don't know what she meant when she said we have something in common. I feel like it makes sense if she meant she also likes Tweek but I don't think that's quite it. Fuck. I wish Ruby wasn't always so confusing.

Something is tugging at my sleeve and it takes me several seconds to realize it's Tweek. His dad has made his appearance and he's staring at me expectantly.

"Wait, was someone talking to me?" I feel like an idiot as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"J-Jesus Craig!" Tweek pulls on my sleeve again. I step forward to stand next to him rather than behind. The counter hides our hands and I feel him reach out and fold his fingers against mine. The touch both relaxes and excites me. It's nice. It's warm and nice.

"Hello Craig, I haven't seen you in a long time. You've grown. You've grown just as coffee grows…" The next several sentences that come out of his mouth make absolutely no sense. I try to concentrate and keep up with what he says but it's nearly impossible. I remember when Tweek and I were kids Richard would do the same thing. But I don't remember it being so damn confusing.

At last he stops.

"Ah, thanks. Yeah it's been a while." I'm not really sure if that's a proper response to the mouth garbage he just coughed up but whatever.

"How have you enjoyed working here at Tweek Bros? I hope it is nearly as enjoyable as that first rich taste of coffee when you wake up in the morning." Richard is smiling at me while his wife continues to make the coffees. Tweek is still holding tightly onto my hand. It's all really distracting. It's hard to try and focus enough to talk to Tweek's dad.

"Um, I like it. Coffee is… everything?" I really don't know what to say so I'm going out on a limb guessing that if I turn the conversation to coffee it would please Richard. Unfortunately I couldn't think of any kind of metaphor for coffee and therefore got very vague.

Tweek squeezes my hand and his dad looks very proud of me.

"You're right. I'm glad you understand." His smile is so wide I can see his teeth. "Welcome to the family Craig. We're glad to have you here." He continues on for a few more minutes on his weird metaphors.

Finally the coffees are made and it's the perfect excuse to escape. Tween stutters out farewell to his parents then we escape. Once we get outside I check my phone for the time and fifteen minutes were spent inside.

"That went a l-lot better than I thought." Tweek says. For the first time I realize we're still holding hands. I don't think he'd even realize but I have no intention of pointing it out. As soon as I would he'd freak out and probably walk three feet away from me.

"How the hell does your mom remember the kind of cookies I used to like?" We're heading back towards Tweek's house so I assume we're just going to hang out there now.

"Oh m-man, it's cuz she's sick." I'm about to ask if she has the flu or something when I realize what he meant. "She sometimes f-forgets she's forty s-something. She'll just look at m-me and think I'm still a m-mostly normal ten year old. All week she's been thinking we've always been friends."

Tweek sounds sad and his green emerald orbs are focused on the ground. I'm glad he's still holding my hand but I'm also unsure of what to say to him. I kind of like to just pretend that mental illnesses don't exist, even if they really, really do.

"How often does it happen?" I try to speak softly but I'm not a very soft person. Instead I sound my usual bored self but Tweek doesn't seem to mind.

"Oh every f-few months. It'll last a few d-days, maybe a week. Then she'll j-just wake up and pick up w-where she had left off. And then it's like that week where she thought I was still ten doesn't even exist."

I'm not one for words because I'm awkward as fuck and I suck at English so I just remain silent. Instead I squeeze Tweek's hand and he returns the favor. We walk in silence for nearly a block until he speaks again.

"Sometimes I'm afraid I'll wake u-up and do the s-same thing." This confession is kind of like a punch to the gut.

"I think you'll be okay. If not I'll just keep making out with you. Ten year olds that aren't Kenny McHorndick don't make out. I'll remind you that you're older." I'm mostly joking around in an attempt to lighten him up.

His eyes are still focused on the sidewalk but now at least he's smiling.

Xxx
I end up staying the night at Tweek's and for some reason my boyfriend wakes up at only nine am. Therefore he wakes me up and now I'm a groggy eyed mess. Tweek always wakes up with so much energy, even if he only sleeps a couple of hours. I guess he so often gets absolutely no sleep that when he does it really does rejuvenate him.

Unfortunately I am not like that.

"What do y-you wana do today?" Tweek is pretty much bouncing as he makes us coffee. My mind is blank but I can't stop thinking about how happy I am that his parents aren't here because I'm too tired to deal with their shit. My second thought is that I want to go back to bed.
Sleep. Sweet sleep. I miss you. Tweek has a queen sized bed and it's so soft and comfy. Its way better than my stiff twin sized mattress. I'd be sooo happy if I could sleep in his bed every night.

"Craig?"

Seriously, his bed is like cloud. I even dig his ladybug pillows which at first I thought was really weird but now I like them. I'm pretty sure Tweak said he hates them because ladybugs creep him out but his mom bought it for him so he has to use it. Well, at least I like it.

"C-Craig!" There's a slap on my arm that makes me jump. The jolt helps me wake up and for the first time I realize Tweek has been calling my name. I stare at him blankly while he glares at me with a scowl.

"What?" My boyfriend frowns but quickly enough it turns into a smile and he laughs.

"You look l-like me!"

"What? What does that mean?" He keeps giggling as he grabs the pot of coffee and starts pouring it into two mugs. One of them is a Disneyland one that makes me think of the fact that Tweek has ridden space mountain and I'm all jealous again.

"You're eyes," he points out. "You h-have bags and you look like a z-zombie."

"Well that's what happens when you sleep three hours you jackass. Thanks for waking me up."
"I w-was bored! Last time you got a-angry when I didn't wake you u-up."

"After I slept twelve fucking hours! There's quite a difference between the two." I take a large swallow of coffee as Tweek laughs.

"W-Well, what do you w-want to do?"

"I want to watch a movie." And fall asleep… "On a huge ass TV."

"But Craig, I don't h-have a giant TV." Blonde hair tips back as he chugs the rest of his coffee.
"Yeah but we have one rich ass friend who does." I take another swallow of my coffee then hand it over to Tweek.

"You want t-to go over to Token's just to w-watch a movie?" I yawn and nod at the same time.

"Hell yeah, I do it all the time." Tweek finishes off my coffee and sets both mugs down by the sink. He starts to lead the way back up to his room and I follow obediently.

"Jesus you're s-so weird."

"I like movies. Don't be a jerk. I'll text Token to tell him we're borrowing his basement. Hurry up and put on some pants!"

"J-Jesus Christ Craig!"

XXX

Turns out Token and his parents weren't even home. He had texted me back saying he didn't care and so my last four hours were spent watching movies with Tweek.

My boyfriend likes cartoons and those idyllic, feel-good, movies so we just finished watching The Little Mermaid. The blonde is trying to convince me that the next movie we have to watch is that one Atlantis movie but I've never seen that on and it looks weird.

"It has a n-nerdy main character! He's all skinny and n-not prince-y!"

"But you're gay. Don't you want a shining prince or something?" I continue to sort through the hundreds of movies as Tweek groans in agony.

"How do you e-even know I'm gay, huh?" I glance at the blonde and snicker as he blushes.

"Wow I don't know. It's almost like you're dating a guy." To justify my point I lean backwards and briefly kiss Tweek. He pushes me away but I was already starting to move away from him.

"Y-Yeah but I could be bi, or pansexual, or something. I-It's rude to j-jump to conclusions you know." Tweek picks up the Atlantis movie and starts fiddling with it.

"Okay Tweek, are you bi, or pansexual, or something?" It's painfully obvious that I'm teasing but the blonde just continues to get redder and redder.

"Well n-no," he murmurs.

"Then you want your prince. Don't worry, I'm hot enough to be royalty. Go ahead and be my damsel in distress."

Abruptly the scrawny teen jumps up and throws the movie down. His face is set and determined as he presses his fist to his chest. "No w-way! I'm the prince and you're m-my princess! I'll save you!"

Of course with our luck this also happens to be the moment that Token would walk into the movie room. Following behind him is a red eyed Clyde. They both stop walking to stare at us blankly. Tweek's back is to them so he has yet to notice that they're there.

"I'll rescue you f-from the evil Queen Token-ia and slay the w-wicked witch Clyde-etta!" I can't keep it in anymore and I laugh at the sour expression on Token and Clyde's face. Tweek's grinning and I can't wait for him to realize we have an audience.

"Well Tweek, I guess I'm at least pleased you at least made me a Queen," Token calmly states.
Tweek screams and I swear he jumps like a foot into the air. He turns around and from behind I can see that his ears are bright red. His thin fingers weave into his hair as he scrambles backwards. He bumps into me as he stands up and I carefully detangle his grip from his blonde locks.

"J-Jesus Christ!"

"Tweek, it hurts, why am I the wicked witch? Witches are ugly. I'm not ugly. I'm cute as fuck." Clyde is pouting and with how red his eyes already are it looks like he's going to cry. Actually, it looks like he has been crying.

"I d-don't know what you're talking a-about!" Tweek 'eeps' and pushes me in front of him so that he can hide. God he's adorable but I'm a little worried about Clyde.

"What's going on dude?" At my question Clyde starts blubbering and the water works returns. Clyde's a real ugly crier. His face gets all red and puffy. Not to mention his nose runs like a fucking faucet. It's unfortunate too, considering how much of a cry baby Clyde is.

The brunette throws himself onto the couch and I feel Tweek grab onto my shirt. Seeing Clyde cry is probably making him panic. I reach behind me and grab his hand. I give it a reassuring squeeze that he mimics. Honestly Clyde cries all the time and it's rare that it's over anything important.

I mean just last week he was crying because he accidentally drowned his favorite house plant.
"Apparently him and Bebe got into a fight," Token explains. I pull Tweek over to the unoccupied couch and Token sits down next to Clyde who is still sprawled out and crying.

"Over what?" Tweek is pulling out his phone and I wonder if he's going to text Bebe.

"Vhe's going to dreak hup with meef!"

"What the hell did you guys fight about this time?!" Clyde makes a dying cow noise instead of answering my question.

"What will make you feel better?" Token asks Clyde. The brunette stops crying and peeks over his shoulder.

"...Shopping," he admits. He sounds like a pitiful child. I groan and from beside me Tweek giggles. I glance at him as he covers his mouth with his hand nervously. He glances at me and shakes his head slightly.

"Well how about this, school starts soon so we'll go school supply shopping."

Clyde jumps off the couch and he's smiling. Sometimes I wonder if the dickwad is actually smart enough to manipulate people. It'd explain so much.

With a heavy sigh Token pushes himself off the couch. Both Tweek and I haven't moved an inch so both of our friends stare at us expectantly.

"Are you coming?" Mama Token practically snaps. Tweek grunts and I shake my head.

"Um no. Excuse you, you interrupted our movie marathon. You're being rude as fuck. Just hurry up and go."

"Your princess marathon!" Clyde exclaims. He points an accusing finger at our twitchy friend. "I'm still angry at you! I am not a wicked witch."

"Ack! I'm s-sorry!"

"You two spend enough time with each other. You have to come shopping with us," I open my mouth to speak but Token interrupts me. "Because I said so Craig, don't complain. I'm going to fucking buy all your school shit so shut up and let's go."

There's no room for arguing so reluctantly I stand up. I feel like a scolded child and from the look on Tweek's face so does he.

"Where are we going?" I ask as we all file out of the basement and walk through Token's kitchen. His parents are standing in the kitchen talking casually as Mrs. Black cooks.

"Oh hello Craig, Clyde…" she pauses as she stares at Tweek for a moment. Then she smiles softly. "And Tweek. What are you boys up to?"

"I was just going to take the kids school shopping," Mama Token informs his mother who's my grandmother.

"Alright. Try to be home for dinner, it'll probably be around seven. You boys are welcome to stay for it too."

"Will do, thanks Mrs. Black!" Clyde always gets super enthusiastic when it comes to food.

"You boys make sure to get everything you need. Don't be shy." Mr. Token informs us with a smile. Tweek makes this soft whimpering noise that I'm sure no one besides me can hear. I remember Tweek texted me saying something about rich adults intimidate the fuck out of him.
I step closer to him so that our arms are 'casually' pressed together.

Everyone says their goodbyes and finally we're out the front door. As soon as we're one foot out the door Clyde claims shotgun. The idiot even makes a run for the car to claim the seat. I can honestly care less because I want to sit in the back with Tweek anyway.

"Where do you leeches want to go?" Token asks as he starts the car.

"That's no way to talk to your children dickwad."

"The mall! Let's go to the mall!" Clyde exclaims as he practically jumps in his seat.

"Oh m-man," Tweek groans.

"What?" I ask him as the other two continue to talk.

"I don't l-like malls!" Everyone hears Tweek and laughs.

"Yeah but Token spoils us and will buy us things! He only does this like twice a year so you gotta cherish it!"

"Well Clyde, I'm glad you appreciate it," Token says after he scoffs. "We can get coffee at the mall, Tweek."

The blonde smiles and Token returns the gesture. "O-Okay!"

It doesn't take long to get to the North Park mall and just as quickly we all pile out of Token's fancy ass car. Clyde sprints to the front doors and from a distance away he shouts at us to hurry up.

"Okay but seriously, did he really get into a fight with Bebe? He seems way too happy." I point out. Token slows so that he's walking besides me.

"They g-got into a fight," Tweek confirms. He's still fiddling with this flip phone in his hands.
"About what?"

"I'm not t-telling! It's a secret! J-Jesus! I'm not just g-gonna spill everyone's secrets!" Tweek glares at us and I'm overwhelmed with the urge to touch him. So I reach out and ruffle his hair. The blonde groans but doesn't seem to mind all that much.

"Chill Tweek, it's fine. Clyde caves and tells us everything. At least he's not still crying over it."

"You guys hurry up!" Clyde screams. His screaming does nothing as the rest of us continue to take our sweet ass time. When we do finally catch up with him he grabs Token's wrist and starts dragging him inside.

"I'm gonna buy a slick ass pen. All the girls are gonna want to use it." I overhear Clyde tell Token.

I turn to Tweek and give him a look. He's already giggling.

"Should I buy a slick ass pen? I'll seduce the fuck out of you." Tweek laughs and I catch a glimpse of an older woman staring at me while looking horrified. I'm assuming she overheard me and it makes me smirk.

I actually take pride out of scaring the shit out of people. Like literal shit. That'd be the best.

"I think s-so. Without that pen y-you'll just lose your c-charm man. I might have to date C-Clyde. It's all about that pen."

Clyde has this magical power of being able to hear his name, no matter where he is. One time I was in the basement at Token's while Clyde was in the bathroom and he still heard me. It's handy as fuck but also annoying as fuck. Like - I don't want to talk to you Clyde, I want to talk about you. Go away.

This happened to be one of those moments. Even though Clyde and Token are twenty feet, and a giant swarm of people away he still manages to hear Tweek and drags Token over to us.

The brunette is still bouncing. For fucks sake. "What'd you say Tweek? Something about my beautiful ass?"

"Yes Clyde, Tweek worships your ass." Tweek gasps and shoots me a glare.

"L-Liar!"

Clyde ignores Tweek and starts insisting we go check out the fancy ass office supply store. As soon as we enter Clyde is already grabbing at every shining thing. Token wanders off to find his own supplies and it leaves just Tweek and I alone.

"Come on, grab what you need." I pick up a basket and hook it over my elbow.

"I d-didn't bring my money?"

"Token's got it covered dude. We've been doing this since like sixth grade. It's tradition. I'm pretty sure Token will get offended if you don't get any shit." We enter down the aisle with pens and pencils. Tweek comes to a stop in front of the gel pens and studies it closely. "It's not that hard dude. Just pick one."

"B-But what if I pick the wrong one? They can h-have bad little hand grip t-things."

"Get that kind, it's my favorite." I grab the pens for Tweek and toss them in the basket. Then I grab another pack for myself.

"Jesus! O-Okay." He reaches out and tugs at the edge of my jacket. We continue down the aisles and grab things while we go.

"We're gonna pick up our schedules together, right?"

"Y-Yeah ma-" Tweek is interrupted by a loud crash. Two familiar voices start shouting and I turn around in time to see an entire aisle of shelves tip slightly. The raised platforms of each shelf collapses and it's a deafening sound as all the products hit the ground.

Of course the culprit of this mess is Clyde Donovan; idiot extraordinaire. We've been here for less than five minutes. Just… how?

Tweek is clinging to me and Token looks embarrassed. Three employees coming from all different directions run to the aisle, to see what's going on. We watch Token and Clyde talk to the employees. To no one's surprise Clyde starts crying.

"J-Jesus Christ! They could have died m-man!"

"You know, I don't think so. Clyde is too dumb to die." Tweek scoffs.

"That doesn't even m-make sense."

"Sure it does. Just keep watching Clyde for a while and you'll understand. Let's hurry up and
finish here. I don't even want to be associated with that dumbass." Tweek giggles and we turn
away from the rest of our friends to go collect the rest of the supplies we'd need.

By the time Tweek and I were finished casually shopping at fancy office supply store Token and
Clyde had just finished dealing with the whole shelf fiasco. Rather than wait for them to finish their own shopping I dumped my basket of stuff on them and Tweek and I left.

"Where to next?" I ask the blonde. The mall has gotten a bit busier and we have to walk close together to make our way through the crowds. There's a ton of kids with their parents so I'm assuming that it's other families also doing their school shopping.

"I'm p – pretty sure I was promised c-coffee." He points out, giving me a nervous look. For the first time I realize how nervous and panicked he looks. He's shaking more than usual and his pupils are so small they're barely visible. Out of habit I reach out and grab his hand.

With a shriek he jumps and yanks away from me. I feel dumb because I know he isn't comfortable with acting together in public but I still tried to hold his hand. Tweek stops walking so I stop too. There are quite a few people staring at us. I'm figuring he's freaked out that I tried to hold my hand but he's not looking at me.

He's staring straight ahead at a woman with long blonde hair. She's holding the hand of a little girl with brown hair. They don't seem to have noticed him, whoever they are.

He doesn't look good. His breathing is short and rapid. I think he might be starting to have a panic attack. This feels like we're back at my house on Saturday morning all over again. The memory of seeing his arms makes my stomach pinch with anxiety.

Whenever I think of that moment I still don't know how I should feel. I like Tweek. I really, really do. But he's also kind of triggering. I guess I was so focused on getting over my own self harm problem that not once have I ever considered that anyone else in South Park might have the same problem. Sometimes I forget I'm not the only one around here who's fucked up.

It turns out the random twitchy kid I was best friends with in elementary school would also be the one person I'd have more in common with that I ever thought. The biggest difference is while I've for the most part have recovered he has not. Now I'm supposed to help him. I want to help him but it's hard. I don't know how to.

"Uh, h-hey," I clear my throat and try to reach out to touch the delicate blonde but he takes another step away from me. "Let's go sit outside for a little bit. I'll have the others grab you some Harbucks."

Tweek nods and without a word or moment of hesitation he turns on his heels and storms off through the crowd towards the side exit. It's hard to keep up with him as he pushes his way past people. When I make it outside Tweek is sitting on the curb several feet away. He's holding a lighter in one hand and digging through his pockets with his other hand.

"Here," I pull out my pack of 100's and hold it out to the blonde as I sit down next to him. I make sure to leave a good two feet between us but as soon as I sit down he's sliding closer and pushing his leg against my own.

He's trembling so hard the he can't light his cigarette. I take the lighter from him and do it for him. He nods thankfully and takes his time to inhale deeply. With that first inhale he seems to deflate and is back to normal. I watch him but that anxiety I had felt minutes ago remains.

This is another new side of Tweek. His panic attack at my house Saturday was different than this. Now he's silent with pin point pupils and shaky hands. I'm surprised he could so easily push his way through a crowd of people. Tweek clings and hides behind people when walking through crowds. And-

Who were those people he was staring at?

"You okay?" I finally ask after he's smoked the majority of his cigarette. He's so close to me that our entire sides are pressed close and his head is resting on my shoulder. He's shaking slightly and remains silent. "Tweek, what was that?"

"I-I don't w-want to t-talk about it." His voice is hallow.

"What the fuck do you mean you don't want to talk about it? Did you know that chick you were staring at? The one with the kid?" Tweek suddenly stands up and throws the smoke onto the ground.

"I-I'm going h-home." He turns to leave but in a heartbeat I scramble up and grab his hand. He attempts to jerk away from me but I refuse to let him go.

"Don't leave. I'm sorry; you don't have to tell me. We'll get you you're coffee and just keep shopping and have fun. Okay?" Tweek is staring at me with a blank expression. The look makes me feel physically sick.

"I d-don't want to b-be here."

"We'll go to Walmart or Fred Meyers or something then. Please don't leave?" I feel like I'm begging him but I'm afraid of what Tweek might do if I let him leave. He's acting so strange.
Green eyes remain fixed on the ground for several minutes. Finally he exhales softly.

"O-Okay, but w-we have to leave n-now." His voice doesn't hold its usual energy and instead sounds deflated. I step forward and even knowing the risks I pull him closer to me and wrap my arms around his slim body.

He doesn't push me away but nor does he hug me back.

After I release him I call Token to tell him we have to leave now. When the guys meet us outside Tweek is still silent. Both Clyde and Token don't seem to notice how strange he's acting. As we cross the parking lot to get to Tokens car the two cheerfully tell an over dramatized retelling of what happened at the store.

We end up deciding to go mess around at Walmart. The trip went exactly how I expected it too. Clyde was an idiot, Token was rich, but Tweek was still quiet and expressionless. I've never been this worried for anyone in my entire life and the feeling makes me feel awful. I don't know what to do. When I end up grabbing his hand at the store he even lets me.

At one point we lose Tweek and after ten minutes of searching for him there's an announcement over the intercom. "Would the parents of Tweet Tweekers please come to customer service to pick up your child?"

Even that fiasco didn't freak him out or make him laugh. Clyde breaking the giant bin of inflatable balls and getting us kicked out didn't even get a reaction out of him. We ended up not really buying much more and after Walmart I ask Token to take Tweek and I back to the blonde's house.

Tweek doesn't seem to care that I invited myself over.

His parents still aren't home and the first thing Tweek does is make coffee. The house is silent. The hissing of the coffee is our only solace. I want to say something but I don't know what I should say. I don't want him to get angry at me.

Tweek usually makes sure to poor me a mug of coffee as well but not today. As soon as he has what he wants he brushes past me and heads up the stairs towards his room. After a moment of hesitation I follow Tweek upstairs. I really think he wants to be alone but what if he hurts himself? God damn it.

When I make it to his room he's sitting on his bed with his back to the wall. His coffee is resting on the top shelf of his headboard. His knees are bent up and pressed against his chest as his chin rests on the top of his knees. He's staring straight down at his bed sheets.

I remain in the doorway for a long moment but when the blonde remains silent I walk inside and sit down on the edge of his bed. For the first time I notice that his dull fingernails are digging into the pale flesh of his wrist. I'm not even aware of what I'm doing until I'm crawling across the bed and plopping down next to him. I grab his hands and separate them.

Even still Tweek won't look at me.

"You want to hurt yourself."

"I d-don't want to t-talk about it Craig." He didn't try to take his hands away from me so I'm taking that to be a good sign.

"That's okay. We don't have to talk about it dude. I'm just worried about you. I care, remember?" A slight tremor runs through Tweek but he remains silent. "Let's watch movies or something. Don't spend the rest of your summer upset. I'm not going anywhere."

"O-Okay," his voice is soft and has a breathless quality to it.

The rest of the night was quiet and almost awkward. In the morning when we woke up Tweek still had yet to slept but he seemed a little bit closer to being normal. The next day we worked and got high but he was still acting strange. In fact he was still acting strange through the rest of summer break and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't figure out who that woman and child could be.

Chapter Text

It’s five in the morning.

I have yet to sleep. I’m on my eighth cup of coffee and even still I’m miserable. In a few hours it’s my last first day of public school.

It’s five in the morning and I’m just so tired.

The last several days of summer break have been both awful and pleasant at the same time. Honestly I’ve just wanted time alone but Craig has refused to leave my side. This is my first night alone in days and I can’t even sleep.

It’s such a waste…

Craig did a good job of keeping me busy and distracted. He seemed to know I don’t feel… okay. He’s been trying his hardest to make me happy. I’m grateful he seems to care so much but when I start feeling this I just wish I could be left alone to my own devices.

Ever since seeing her, my head has been static and as pathetic as it sounds; getting high has been my only solace. I can tell Craig is unhappy by the fact I’ve been pulling out my stash nearly every day but he doesn’t say a word against me.

He just pats the bed next to him. He watches me cross the room and when I’m close enough he gently takes my hand and pulls me so that I’m pressed tightly to his side. He takes the items from my shaking hands. He slowly and carefully loads what I need, and then he indulges me.

If he hadn’t been by my side these last few days I know exactly what would have happened.

My usual self destructive pattern that had been what I called normal would have been put on play and my grotesque arms would be embellished with several new ornaments.

But instead they’re not. They’re healing and disturbing but still left untouched.

The constant buzzing in my head does have its perks in some way. I’ve had no time or motivation to worry about school which is usually a major stressor of mine. And now I start school in three hours and I still don’t even care.

It’s been almost a week since I saw them but the image is still burned into my goddamn head. It’s getting better but I just want it out.

I want it to go away so I can start to feel almost normal again. I was just starting to feel normal. Why did I have to see them? Why did I have to be reminded?

Why- Riiiing!

“F-Fuck.” My eyes slowly drag over to stare at my screaming phone. The screen is lit up and a blurry picture of Craig greets my gaze. The time on my phone tells me it’s almost eight. I had no idea. I thought it was still only five something? “Jesus…”

Slowly I reach out and with shaky hands pick up the phone. I stare at the blurry photograph but I can’t work up the effort to answer the phone. Why does everything exhaust me so much? I swipe my thumb across the surface but I’m too late and the call has ended.

With a sigh I drop my phone and slide underneath my warm comforter. I mean, I don’t have to go to school do I? It’s not like you really do anything on the first day anyways.

It feels like seconds have passed by but there are loud footsteps in the hallway and merely a second later I hear my bedroom door swing open.

“Tweek,” a soft caring voice speaks. I know that voice and I like that voice but I still can’t seem to really care. I try to burrow myself even deeper into my fortress of blankets as a hand presses against my shoulder. “Tweekers, we have school. Come on, we gotta go.”

“No w-we don’t.” The laughter that resonates through my room is kind of like a warm caress and it fills me with comfort even if it’s such a simple little thing.

“I know you don’t want to dude, neither do I, but we gotta. It’s our last year. I’m pretty sure you can do it.”

“I-I can’t,” I mutter stubbornly. I feel more aware than I have in days at this very moment and it’s nice. My head isn’t quite as foggy.

“Clyde misses you. He’s in the car whining as we speak. Plus Mama Token will throw a fit if you refuse to go to school.” There’s a pause. “I’ll miss you and throw a fit if you don’t go. Come on, we can do it together.”

The blankets are slowly being pulled off me and even though I want to throw a temper tantrum over it I don’t. Stormy eyes stare at me with a sly grin and I’m overwhelmed with how good Craig looks this morning. He looks like he slept well last night. He’s wearing one of his dorky galaxy shirts and a black jacket with his usual pom-pom hat.

He frowns slightly when he sees me. Rather than saying a word he just grabs my hand and helps sit me up.

“I asked Token to make you a giant thermos of that special coffee you like.” Relief washes through me and I actually smile in relief. Token’s rich people coffee is pretty magical I guess.

“R-Really?” Black hair bobs up and down as he nods. I study his face as he reaches out and fixes my hair with long fingers.

“Yes really. Now what do you feel like wearing today? Can I dress you up?” Craig looks oddly excited at the idea of dressing me up and I know I’ve really been worrying him these last few days so I nod.

“O-Okay but I get final s-say.”

The teenager makes his way across my dirty bedroom and slides open my closet. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and wait patiently as he digs through articles of clothing. I don’t really pick out my clothes. Most of it my mom bought me. A few of the really bad sweaters and stuff are from crazy relatives I forget that even exist.

I wear the same few things over and over again for a good reason.

Craig turns around with a gray knit sweater in one hand and a baggy green canvas jacket in the other. I’m glad he didn’t pick out one of my embarrassing sweaters my mom gave me at one point or another. I’ve honestly kind of forgotten about this sweater. It’s a couple of years old and was a present from Bebe. It’s probably been hiding out in the very back of my closet.

The noirette crosses the room and dumps the clothing on me.

“Hurry up and get dressed before Token starts texting me death threats. Mother Dearest will throw a bitch fit if he’s late on the first day of school.” The comment makes me smile slightly and my boyfriend looks pleased as punch with his self.

I slowly stand up and peel off the pastel pink sweater I was wearing to bed. The pink sweater was another one of my mom’s gifts. The gray sweater quickly replaces it and then I’m pulling on blue jeans and socks. By the time I have my jacket on Craig is waiting by my bedroom door while holding my green shoulder bag.

I stand in front of him patiently, waiting for him to move out of my way so we can leave but he doesn’t budge. Instead he stares at me for several long seconds before carefully bending over slightly and pressing his lips against my own.

The soft caress of lips takes me by surprise but it fills me with a surge of pleasant emotions that I haven’t felt in days. When he pulls away I’m kind of disappointed.

“You didn’t sleep last night, did you?” I shake my head and he sighs softly as his mouth turns downwards into a pout. “Well you can make it through today, okay? I’ll be right fucking here the whole time.”

“O-Okay,” I sigh. Craig reaches out and grabs my hand. He leads me through my house and to the front door where my boots are waiting to be worn. I worry my parents will see us, because I have yet to kind of explain to them that I’m dating a guy. Luckily they’re nowhere to be seen and with much reluctance I’m exiting my house and climbing into the back seat of Token’s car with Craig.

“Tweek! Hey! You excited for the first day of school? I’m excited man. I wanna know what classes I have! I bet we’ll have a class together. I mean we had like two together last year but we weren’t really friends last year which is sucky ya know, but we’re friends now!”

I stare at Clyde blankly for a moment as I buckle up. Craig reaches over the front seat and slaps the brunette lightly on the back of the head.

“Don’t be an ass Clyde.”

“Good morning Tweek,” Token pleasantly says over the noise of the other two bantering. I smile at Token through the rearview mirror.

I haven’t seen Token or Clyde since Thursday when we went to the mall and I saw… Now it’s Wednesday and almost a whole week later. It feels like it’s been a quite a while since I’ve seen either of them but I guess it really hasn’t been that long.

“-fuck you Craig! Either way we still have twenty minutes until school starts. That’s enough time to get our schedules together you guys! I seriously bet senior year is gonna be awesome. We’re top dog at the school you guys.” Clyde says enthusiastically.

I notice the thermos Craig was talking about up in the front seat so I nudge Craig and point at it. He leans forward and grabs it then hands it to me. I let go of Craig’s hand so I can take a drink of the delicious soothing liquid. It’s just as magical as I remembered.

“You know Clyde if that’s what you want to believe go ahead and believe that,” Craig says.

“You can’t slack off this year. We have college to keep in mind.” Token points out. The comment makes the brunette scoff as he tugs on his red letterman.

“Whatever man, I’ve got it down. No need to worry homie, I’ve got this shit figured out.” Craig glances at me and rolls his eyes and the action makes me smile slightly.

“Bullshit,” Token bluntly calls. We’ve just arrived at the school and Token claims one of the nicer ‘senior’ parking spots. They’re not actually parking spots dedicated to seniors but for some reason the front row of spots have an unspoken rule that they’re for seniors.

“Don’t be so rude to me Token, fuck man! I’m a sensitive guy you know. You could break my poor little sensitive heart. That would make you feel like shit.”

“It really wouldn’t though.” Token turns off the car and everyone starts getting out of the car. I slide over to exit through Craig’s door but before I can stand up the teenager is leaning over and inside the car. His face is so close to mine I can feel his breath on my cheek.

I want to worry that people might see but at the same time I can’t find it in me to care. After all, how many of these teenagers saw us make out at that party last weekend? By now does everyone know? I want to panic at the idea but I really don’t fucking care.

I really don’t fucking care.

I like Craig. I don’t want to be here. Craig wants to help me. Craig wants to hold my hand and hug me in public so why should I deny him?

Before my boyfriend can say anything I lean forward the few inches between us and press my lips against his. He’s obviously taken by surprise but after a second he pushes back against me with an equal force.

It’s hard to care about the world around us with how such a strange simple action makes me feel so powerful.

Unfortunately though, we’re still at school so we have to separate so we can move on with our day. Those gray blue eyes meet my own with a small barely-there smile. “I was just gonna remind you that you can make it through today but that was pretty damn nice.”

“G-Good, I’m glad you e-enjoyed it.” Two black eyebrows rise skeptically. “I l-liked it too. N-Now come on, let’s get this o-over with. You’re coming h-home with me after school b-before we have to go work.”

His smile makes me smile.

“Yes sir.” Craig moves out of my way so I can get out of the car.

Several feet away Clyde and Token are impatiently waiting for us. Craig hands me my backpack which I sling over one shoulder and as he turns away to walk towards the other two I reach out and grab his hand.

He looks at me confused for a moment but I just nod at him and he shrugs and grips my hand back.

The four of us start to make our way into the school building and I can both see and feel all the stares that that are on us. If I hadn’t felt like such a mess these last few days these stares would probably be freaking me the fuck out but instead I don’t care. They’ll get to use to seeing two guys hold hands. It’ll be fine.

It’s nice not caring.

We make our way into the gym where there’s a large swarm of people in line to get their school schedules. Token leads us to the line for seniors and it doesn’t take long to receive our schedules. We step to the side of the gym as we open the envelopes to scrutinize what we’re stuck with for the year.

“What’s everyone’s homeroom you guys?!???” Clyde eagerly asks as he rips everything open. He ends up ripping his schedule in half but he doesn’t even care.

“R-Room B-12.” I inform Clyde as I go over my classes several times. What I’m stuck with this year is nothing surprising. The normal homeroom, senior English, statistics, graphics art, chemistry, PE, and American history.

“Fuck yes, same.” Craig eagerly adds. He’s no longer holding my hand so that we could open our schedules so he lightly taps his shoulder against mine. I give him a small smile.

“B-12,” Token confirms with a grin. Clyde lets out one of his usual dying cow noises.

“I have B-14!” He screams loudly. His voice attracts a pretty blonde. Blonde curls fly everywhere as the girl jogs across the gym even though she’s wearing heeled wedges.

Bebe Stevans is grinning at us with her perfectly made up face. She’s wearing a red dress with ¾ sleeves that looks cute and refined on her. I’m surprised when the girl goes straight to me as she pulls me into a brief hug.

“Tweek! I haven’t seen you in forever. I love your sweater, it looks adorable on you. Didn’t I buy you a sweater that looks kind of like that a few years ago?” I feel myself blush under gaze and I nervously glance at my boyfriend who’s regarding us with curiosity.

“Ack! T-This is, uh, the s-sweater you bought me.” Bebe looks a little surprised and embarrassed.

“Oh, awkward. I didn’t think you’d still have it! It looks really good on you.” She winks at me then finally turns back towards who I assume to still be her boyfriend. Clyde is pouting when she steps up to him but he gives in with a smile and hugs her.

“Bebe! You look fantastic.” The brunette says with a wink.

“Thanks babe. Anyways I heard you from across the room that you have the same homeroom as me. Walk with me to class? I want to get there early so I can talk to the teacher.” Clyde nods and gives in.

“I’ll see ya suckers at lunch!” Clyde exclaims as his girlfriend whisks him off.

Craig and Token are frowning but despite me never being around those two together the action doesn’t really surprise me.

“So those two aren’t fighting anymore?” Craig asks confused.

Token groans and shakes his head. “Oh yeah, you’ve been hanging out with Tweek. Apparently Bebe got angry at Clyde because he accidentally stepped on her heels and scuffed them or something.” He explains. Craig scoffs.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Bebe freaked out over that? Who the fuck cares if he fucked up her new shoes?” Bebe had already explained this story to me and I feel the need to defend my friend.

“S-She had just warned him to be c-careful of her new shoes b-because they were super expensive or something. And t-then immediately after he s-steps on them and s-scratched them.” I add. Craig glances at me blankly for a moment then laughs.

“Well, of course he did. He can be such an idiot sometimes.” Craig looks like he’s about to keep talking but stops when a blonde in an old orange jacket walks up to us. He’s staring straight at me and our eyes meet.

“Let’s go?” Kenny asks, jerking his head towards the backdoors in the gym.

I had completely forgotten that I asked Kenny if he could bring joints for the first day of school. So far today isn’t as bad as I expected but the aid will still be very helpful. I glance at Craig who looks a cross between confused and angry.

“I’m g-going out back to the s-spot with Kenny.” I inform Craig. Token is staring at me blankly and I feel like he’s disapproving me. I swallow thickly and turn to walk beside Kenny before they can get angry at me.

I know what I’m doing isn’t good but I really need it. Craig understands, right?

“You feeling better buddy?” Kenny asks as we reach the backdoors. A group of freshman boys easily move out of our way as we exit.

“A l-little,” I inform Kenny because he just always knows.

“Well these will help. This new strand is really fucking dank. You’ll like it.” We make it to the usual smoker spot by the dumpsters where all the goths hang out. For a short period of time I actually befriended the goths because they thought I could be one of them.

It didn’t take long for them to realize I would forever be a ‘conformist’ but they still treat me decently I guess. Then of course Kenny gets along great with them because Kenny gets along fantastically with everyone.

The blonde takes a seat on the blanket that the goths are occupying. Henrietta is staring at Kenny with narrowed eyes as she takes a large inhale of smoke. After she exhales she speaks.

“Kenneth McCormick, it’s been a while since you’ve bothered us.” She pops her black lips together and rolls her eyes.

“I brought Firkle a ten sack last week.” Kenny points out. He pats the spot next to him on the blanket and hesitantly I sit down beside him.

“Is this true?” Michael asks the youngest goth. I watch as he flips his hair out of his face and takes a drag off his cigarette.

“Yeah, Ike came over.” The black clad youngster shrugs. He’s still a middle schooler and is in the same grade as Ruby, Karen, and Ike but it doesn’t surprise me to see him hanging out over here. The middle school is only a few blocks away anyways.

“Ahhh the Broflovski brother who actually knows how to have fun.” Kenny winks at Firkle but then grins at me. “Kidding by the way, his brother will always be my best pal but Ike knows how to vape. It’s impressive.”

Kenny pulls out a shiny silver container that holds many joints disguised as cigarettes. This creation is honestly my favorite thing in the world. The sight of it fills me with glee. I’m so excited. Especially to try this new stuff.

Last night I finished off my current stash and I’m tired of that strand.

“You have a lighter Twinkie?” I dig through my pockets but realize that in my haze this morning I had never bothered to grab one.

“N-No,” I watch Kenny turn to stare at Henrietta with a wide grin.

“What the fuck do I get out of it?” She snaps. I always kind of envy Henrietta because she’s so fierce and confident. She says and does whatever she wants. I guess it’s something she has in common with Craig.

“I’ll fuck you.” Kenny suggests with a wink. The goth looks amused and rolls her eyes.

“I like vagina.” She deadpans. Kenny’s grin just widens.

“That’s funny, so do I.”

“You like everything. You’re a whore.” Despite her earlier protests she pulls out a black zippo and tosses it at Kenny. Kenny lights his own joint and then passes me the light.

“I do like everything.” Kenny broadcasts to the other goths with an eyebrow wiggle. They all ignore him and continue to talk about their last few days of summer.

My joint is lit and the first inhale floods my lungs and it’s much thicker than I had expected. I cough slightly as I inhale but the smoke brings an instant relief to my crowded head. This is the first time I’ve actually gotten high for school. I feel so much better already I don’t understand why I’ve never done this before.

“Can I have my lighter back?” She suddenly asks. She doesn’t sound as snarky as usual but kind of gentle actually and it takes me by surprise.

I turn my gaze on the black clad teen in surprise and nod eagerly.

“Y-Yeah, sorry.” I hold it out and I’m distracted by her impressive nails. Not only are they long and filed to a point but they’re painted black with a matte gray inverted cross. Bebe would be really fucking impressed by these nails. I wonder if they’ve ever talked before.

Strangely enough I can see these two being friends.

“Craig Fucker! Want a joint?” My head swivels around so quickly I get a mild case of whiplash. I didn’t hear or see my boyfriend come outside and walk towards us. He comes to a stop and he’s staring at me blankly. I’ve gotten good at reading what he’s thinking but right now I have no idea.

“I’m good.” He falls to a crouch beside me and pulls out a cigarette. He lights it with a black lighter then pockets everything. He’s staring at me still but I can’t stand the weight of his gaze so I stare down at the black blanket beneath me.

“Henri, do tell, what’s your homeroom?” I hear Kenny ask. I tune him out and instead focus on finishing my long joint.

Craig and I remain silent as I idly listen to the buzzing conversation around us. Halfway through my joint I switch to holding it with my right hand instead of my left. As soon as the hand beside Craig is unoccupied his long fingers stretch out to capture my own. I glance at the noirette but he’s staring off at the street.

The first bell rings right as I finish my joint. Craig drops his cigarette and pulls us both up to stand up. He stomps his smoke out and I do the same to mine. Kenny says goodbye to us both as he continues to chat with the goths.

Craig and I enter the school in silence. We’re halfway down the hallway and almost to our shared homeroom when he speaks.

“Hey Tweek?” I glance at him hesitantly but he’s not looking at me. “Can you promise me something?”

“W-What?”

“Can you not get high before or during school?” Because he isn’t looking at me I continue to stare at him. He’s squeezing my hand tighter and I didn’t realize it unsettled him so much that I got high before school.

The high gives me my courage to speak my next few honest words. “No C-Craig, I can’t.”

Chapter Text

Much to everyone’s surprise I actually enjoy school.

If I was anyone else I’d be surprised that I like school too.

People are somehow convinced that I’m the type who’s failing all my classes and skipping ninety percent of the time. Granted I skip about half the time, I actually have some pretty damn beautiful grades. It’s the one thing that keeps my parents from getting on my ass about my poor life choices.

The trick is to take easy classes.

Token always gets angry that I’m in standard classes. He likes to think I’m smart enough to take AP or CP classes with him, but I don’t know. I could probably take those classes and get Cs if I’m lucky and work my ass off.

I enjoy standard classes. They’re filled with either dumb or lazy people and I usually get along pretty damn peachily with those kind of peoples. Standard classes often consist of screwing around and joking with classmates. Considering I’m fulfilling “my duty” by going to school, getting decent grades, and messing around; I actually enjoy school.

Unfortunately the first day of senior year left a bitter taste in my mouth. The sight of a straight faced, red eye, zombie-like Tweek at school made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t like it.

On impulse when I asked Tweek if he’d promise me to not ever get high at school again, I honestly expected Tweek to give in and agree. The blonde is usually a push over like that. But then again ever since that mall run in he’s been acting weird. It’s concerning and scary.

I’ve been obsessing over that afternoon and I still have no idea what any of it means.

In homeroom Tweek and I sit next to each other while Token and my cousin Red claim the two desks in front of us. Tweek is pretty much silent through homeroom. He’s obviously still high and weirdly enough he isn’t shaking at all. My boyfriend is always moving and for once he’s not.

Instead he sits silently as he creates small elaborate doodles of smiling plants in his notebook. Most of them are marijuana plants.

He even draws a pill with a smiley face. Just like the ecstasy pill Kenny gave him. The doodles make Tweek smile as he continues to etch away with his purple mechanical pencil. I try to pretend I’m not interested in what he’s doing but I can’t take my eyes off of him.

Every few minutes he’ll pause long enough to take a drink from his thermos. Then he’ll set down the container, give me a small smile, and get back to doodling.

He seems to be at peace and it’s almost like our awkward exchange that took place less than an hour ago has never even happened.

Token doesn’t address Tweek once. I know Token knows Tweek is high. Our studious friend takes school very seriously so I know he’s silently disapproving Tweek. Red tried asking Tweek a question once during homeroom and the blonde smiled at her but never answered the question.

When class finally ends Token and Red leave together. Token gives me a sharp glare that I know is him silently telling me I need to fix this problem. I stand patiently as Tweek packs up his notebook and then we’re silently walking down the hallway.

“What class do you have next?” I finally ask as we slowly trudge through the loud school hallway.

“English.” Tweek abruptly stops walking and stops in front of a classroom. “Right here.” He points at the door with wide eyes.

“Damn. I have PE.” Tweek doesn’t say anything. “Well I don’t know if we have any classes together so I’ll see you at lunch at least. Okay?”

“O-Okay.” The blonde smiles and turns away from me and walks into his classroom.

When I finally turn and start walking towards PE I see Kenny leaning against his locker talking to Kyle. At the sight of the drug dealer an intense wave of anger rushes through me.

I’m so surprised by the heated emotion I don’t know what to do.

So I just go to class.

---

I find out that I have third period, graphic arts, with Tweek because the teacher calls out roll call and has to say Tweek’s name about five times before she finally accepts that he’s not there.

I’m pissed.

When the class ends I meet up with Token, Clyde, and Tweek for lunch.

One look at Tweek and my suspicions are confirmed. My boyfriend was ditching class to smoke more weed with Kenny Fucking McCormick. I’m so frustrated when I look at the blonde that I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I volunteered to help my last teacher to grade papers or whatever. I gotta go.”

“That’s bullshit Craig. It’s the first day of school and you never volunteer to help teachers.” Token is always first to call me out on my bullshit. Usually I get annoyed but right now I don’t even care.

I’m so upset with Tweek.

“It’s for extra credit. I guess. Just drop it Token.” This entire time I’ve refused to make eye contact with Tweek but before I turn to leave my eyes meet Clyde’s.

His rich brown orbs are wide with worry.

I bypass all jackasses crowding the school hallway and head straight outside for a much needed cigarette.

---

I don’t have any more classes with Tweek. Or if I do Tweek doesn’t show up to any of them. Despite the little conflict at lunch I still meet up with the guys after school. We’re all silent as we pile into Token’s car.

Only when we’re speeding down the road does Clyde start to talk excitedly about all his classes and Token starts complaining about his Calc 2 teacher.

Tweek remains silent. He looks sad and tired. And it’s all because he’s no longer high.

I completely forget about going over to Tweek’s after school so when Token pulls over in front of Tweak residence and my boyfriend is trying to pull me out of the car I’m confused.

“What are you doing?” My voice is sharp and makes Tweek recoil slightly.

“You s-said you’d come over after s-school.”

I feel trapped and look around nervously. I don’t even realize I’m trying to look for an excuse to not hang out with the blonde until I accidentally make eye contact with Token. He gives me the same look he gave me earlier in homeroom. That look he always gives me when there’s something I need to fix.

I look back at my trembling boyfriend and try to smile.

“Right. How could I forget?” I grab my backpack, say bye to the others, and slide out of the car.

“Do you w-wana watch Red Racer?” Tweek offers as we walk into his house. I know we’re home alone because his parents are never home. The heavy nausea returns to the pit of my stomach because I know as soon as we get to his room he’ll just want to get high.

“Uh, sure.” I expect Tweek to make a detour to the kitchen for coffee but instead he’s leading the way straight up the stairs and into his room.

I stand in the doorway as the blonde dutifully goes straight to his small TV. He turns the channel to 77 and flops face first onto his bed. Hesitantly I sit down beside him.

He wastes no time in grabbing my arm and draping it over his slender shoulders. He curls into my side and within minutes he’s fast asleep.

I’m left confused and concerned.

---

Work is a silent endeavor. To my immense relief there is no mention or involvement of getting high. The small talk is kept to a minimum but at one point Tweek does bring up the fact that his dad is going to hire Bebe.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.

By the time our shift ends and it’s time to close up shop I’m exhausted. It was hours of standing around playing on my phone and yet I can’t wait to fall into bed and sleep for an eternity.

Tweek’s mom shows up at 9:20 to pick us up but at last second I turn down the ride in favor of walking to Clyde’s.

My boyfriend looks a little hurt when I wave him goodbye but I stick to my impulsive decision of paying my best friend a visit.

By the time I arrive at the Donovan's it's ten at night and neither resident is aware that I’m coming over. I impatiently ring the doorbell several times and wait for someone to answer. Two long minutes later Roger Donovan answers the door with a puzzled expression.

“Craig. What are you doing here?”

“Clyde didn’t tell you? He said I could come over after work.” This is a total lie but of course Mr. Donovan doesn’t know this.

“Oh really? Well then, come on in. Are you staying the night?” I shrug and toe off my tennis shoes and kick them into the messy pile of mens shoes. Of course the family that owns a shoe shop would own a fuck ton of shoes.

“I dunno.”

“Alright well you boys have fun. Don’t forget you have school tomorrow.” With a raised hand the single father turns around and heads towards his bedroom.

Before making my way downstairs to the basement where Clyde’s room is I walk into the kitchen and help myself to a dr Pepper. My original instinct had led me to the coffee maker and I had flipped on the machine before I realized there was no Tweek to make coffee for.

With my cold soda in hand I finally head into the basement to eagerly surprise the shit out my friend.

I want to just obnoxiously burst into Clyde’s room and give him a heart attack, but right before I grab the door handle I realize that I also really don’t want to walk in on Clyde jerking off. That kid likes porn way too fucking much.

With a reluctant sigh I knock.

“Come in dad!”

I smile to myself and open the door. “Clyde, what did I say about calling me dad?”

The brunette is lying on his bed as he plays his xbox. When he sees me enter the room he screeches and practically jumps a foot into the air. The controller goes flying across the room before it hits a dreamcatcher hanging on the wall. Both items fall to the floor with a loud crash.

“Craig!” The ditz exclaims baffled.

“I’m serious dude. What did I say about calling me dad?”

“Cra- haaah? What! Hey now-! It was one time! Okay? One time! It was an accident!” I roll my eyes and kick the bedroom door shut.

“Whatever son.” I peel off my sweatshirt and flop down onto the bed. Clyde scrambles off his bed and dives across the room to pick up his controller. Before he manages to get killed in his current game of Call of Duty he picks up the controller and pauses.

“What are you doing here dude? It’s like midnight!” I ignore the brunette in favor of opening my soda. Fizzing noise fills my ears and then I’m chugging the bubbly liquid. Dr Pepper is alright but it’s not my favorite. I don’t understand why the Donovans only drink this stupid soda.

“It’s not midnight.”

“It’s like eleven then!” Clyde throws his arms up in the air and I half expect to watch the xbox controller to go flying through the air again. To my surprise it doesn’t.

“It’s ten.”

“Well that’s still late.” Clyde sits down on the bed and crosses his legs. He turns and stares at me patiently.

“I just wanted to come over dickwad. Fuck. Chill out.” I try to pull the hood of my sweatshirt up but when I reach behind my neck I remember that I’ve already taken off my jacket.

And I left my hat at Tweek’s.

Fuck.

“You never just want to come over. Either you wana use my xbox. Or you want to copy my math homework. Or you wanna complain about Ruby. Or you want-” I groan and wave my free hand in the air to cut Clyde off.

“Alright asshole I get it.”

“Why are you calling me the asshole!? You’re the one who just wants to use me! So what is it? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Bug off.” Clyde makes a sour face and crawls across the bed so that he’s sitting directly in front of me.

“Who says ‘bug off’?”

“Fuck you.” I deadpan. I pull out my cellphone half hoping Tweek would have texted me but there are no new messsages.

“I just want to help you.” Clyde goes silent and I have no motivation to say anything. After a couple minutes of silence I’m surprised Clyde has yet to say something. I think he really does want me to talk to him. And for some reason I actually want to talk to him.

After several deep breaths I speak.

“You remember last week. At the mall?”

“Yeah dude. Of course. Something happened with you and Tweek, right?” I nod and try to think of what to say.

“Tweek saw some chick and he just flipped out. He won’t tell me who she was.”

The brunette frowns thoughtfully and shrugs. He raises his arms high above his head and casually stretches. “Maybe she’s his ex-girlfriend or something.” A twinge of something rushes through me and after a moment I realize that I’m jealous at this thought.

“No way. She’s probably almost thirty and she has a kid. Besides, I don’t think Tweek has any exes.” At least I’m pretty sure Tweek doesn’t have an ex.

“Have you tried asking Tweek about it?”

“Of fucking course!” My words come out sharper than I intended and Clyde looks slightly offended. I sigh and as I exhale my best friend seems to no longer care. “He won’t tell me anything. He’s been acting really fucking weird all week and I don’t know what to do.”

I watch as Clyde’s neutrally happy expression falls into one that’s darker.

“Token’s not very happy at Tweek. Like I know we all just became friends again but Token really doesn’t think it’s right to get high at school.” Clyde pauses and shrugs halfheartedly. “I kinda agree with him. Like... I like weed man. I smoke lots of the Mary-Jane but school’s school.”

“I know.” I run a hand through my hair and slouch backwards until my back hits the wall. “I don’t like it either. I asked Tweek if he’d never do it again but he said no.” Clyde’s jaw drops. He stares at me incredulously.

“No way. Seriously?” I nod and Clyde whistles. “Shit man! But Tweek’s so agreeable!” The brunette grows quiet and thoughtful. “I think you just really need to talk to him dude. Obviously he’s got some serious issues.”

“You don’t got to fucking put it like that!”

It takes me a little while to realize I snapped at Clyde. The brunette looks just as surprised as I feel.

“Woah. I’m sorry. You know I don’t mean anything bad by it.” Clyde says slowly and carefully.

I feel bad for yelling at my friend but the heavy pressure in my chest has yet to be lifted. It’s difficult to swallow and I don’t understand why I feel so sick. All Clyde had said was … he’s got some serious issues.

I wonder what Clyde had said about my own ‘serious issues’. Did he complain? Did he think I’m weak? Pathetic? Dirty?

“It’s fine.” Mechanically I slide off the queen sized bed. Clyde is silent and staring after me. I pull on my sweatshirt and chug the rest of my soda before I toss the can into the garbage.

“Are you leaving?” I nod and open the bedroom door.

Clyde suddenly scrambles of his bed and runs over to me with a desperate look in his eyes.

“Are you pissed at me? I’m sorry Craig. You know what I meant, right? You don’t have to leave. You can stay the night. We’ll stay up all night and play video games!”

I smile through clenched teeth.

“I’ve got shit to do. I’m not angry though. You’re right. Tweek’s got some issues and I need to talk to him.” I tear my gaze away from wide brown globes and I don’t look back once as I leave the Donovan house.

---

The next morning I wake up an hour earlier than planned and despite my trouble sleeping the night before, I feel wide awake. And determined. I fell asleep and woke up with Tweek on my mind.

I’m set on helping Tweek through whatever it is he’s struggling with.

By the time I’m dressed and ready to go there’s still an hour before school even starts. I take my time walking downstairs as I shoot Token a text telling him Tweek and I don’t need a ride.

My dad is in the kitchen, bent over and rifling through the fridge. I make a beeline to the coffee maker and get the pot going. When it’s on and starting I turn around to see my father staring at me blankly.

“What?” I never mean to get snappy when I talk to my parents but it comes out that way anyways. It’s never good when dad pays any attention to me. Only bullshit comes out of his mouth, I swear.

“Why you up so early boy?”

I shrug finding that there’s no real reason to lie to the gargantuan standing before me. “I’m going to Tweek’s before school.”

Dark eyes narrow as my dad continues to stare at me. I don’t want to back down from whatever weird staring contest we’re having but I also want to hurry and make this coffee and get out of here. With much reluctance I turn around retrieve a coffee thermos from the cupboard.

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time around that kid, Craig.”

“So?” I grab the coffee pot and carry it over to the sink where the thermos is waiting. I hear shuffling behind me as I carefully pour the hot liquid into the portable container.

“He better not be turning you into a faggot.”

My blood runs cold and I automatically stiffen in response to the unexpected harsh words. My eyes are fixed on the steaming glass pot in my hands but I don’t really see it as the kettle slips out of my grip.

The sharp sound of glass breaking ends our conversation. I’m so shocked I barely feel the pulsating burn of coffee backsplashing onto my hand.

“God damn it Craig. Can’t you do anything right? Clean this up. I expect there to be a new coffee pot by the time I’m home from work.”

His fading footsteps is the only thing that tells me that my father has left.

It’s not like I expected my parents to be happy that I’m gay, or whatever I am. I didn’t expect to come home to wide open arms when, or if, they found out I’m dating Tweek. I expected harsh words and disappointment.

But it still hurt.

I don’t want to take his words to heart. I’ve never even really cared for my parents as a child properly should. They raised and fed me, while they did do a shitty job, I respected that.

But it still hurt.

“Craig.” I slowly turn to the sight of Ruby cautiously walking towards me. She looked sad which makes me realize she must have overheard what dad said. “I’ll clean this up. Why don’t you go to Tweek’s?”

I swallow thickly and shake my head.

“It’s fine Ruby,” I bite the inside of my cheek and fight against the pressing anger bubbling inside me. “I got this.”

“Would you stop it already!” I glance back over my shoulder at my sister surprised that she was suddenly shouting. Despite being a brash, annoying little shit she tends to be a pretty quiet kid. “You’re allowed to feel you know? I don’t understand why you’re always fighting your feelings. You can like a boy. You can hate your douchey father. You can be upset. You can be sad, angry, happy. You’re allowed to feel Craig.”

By now I’ve fully turned around to stare at my flushed and huffing younger sister. Her words render me speechless. She’s gnawing on her lip nervously. She doesn’t want me to get angry at her. I’m not angry though. I’m honestly just so surprised that I feel nothing.

“Dad is full of shit,” Ruby’s voice is softer and has a breathless quality to it now. “You’re fine how you are. Now let me take care of this mess and you go to Tweek’s.”

I nod stiffly and turn the cold tap water on to rinse the coffee off my hands. When I finish Ruby gently nudges me out of her way so that she can take over. She get’s straight to work but I hesitate to leave the room.

“Hey Ruby?” Strawberry blonde hair flutters around a delicate face as she turns to look at me. “Thanks.”

A smile paints her features.

“Get out of here Craig! You’re making the room reek of cheap body spray.” My sister winks and turns back to the sink.

I leave my house with a soft laugh and head straight to Tweek’s.

As I cross the grass of my boyfriend’s yard the front door swings open and his parents are stepping outside to leave to work. Mrs. Tweak looks pleased to see me as she waves eagerly.

“Craig, dear! It’s such a nice day today, isn’t it?” To justify her point the flaxen haired woman looked up at the sky and grinned.

I know Tweek’s mom is kind of loopy but this really confirms it for me. The sky is full of dark clouds that hide any sign of sunshine. The weather report claims it’s supposed to rain before noon.

“Uh, yeah. It’s nice.”

“Dear, we must be going. Coffee can’t wait!” Richard Tweak calls out as he climbs into his car. Tweek’s mom stares at her husband for a moment then looks back at me.

“You came at such a good time sweetie! I made Tweek his coffee for the day but he doesn’t seem to want it! Perhaps you’ll drink it?” Immediately I’m worried to see what state Tweek might be in. The blonde lives for coffee. In what state would he have to be in to turn down coffee?

“I can do that,” I say with a light shrug.

“Fantastic! Well you have a good day. Summer’s almost over! Make sure to have fun.” I keep smiling as the woman turns and climbs into her car. It’s not until the vehicle pulls out of the driveway do I let my mouth fall into a frown.

Did she really not realize school started yesterday?

I push off any negative thoughts and enter the house. I woke up and told myself today would be the day I’d talk to Tweek and I was not gonna change my mind. I make a stop in the kitchen to retrieve the hot thermos full of a dark liquid then head up the stairs to my boyfriend’s bedroom.

As I climb the staircase I hear the same music that plays everyday in the coffee shop coming from the bedroom. Usually I knock on doors before entering but at the moment I don’t even care. I push open the door to the sight of a frail blonde standing in the middle of the room.

Floppy strands of pale hair sway back and forth and it takes me a long moment of watching Tweek entranced to realize he’s dancing.

My boyfriend is dancing to slow creepy music in his bedroom at seven in the freaking morning.

“What the hell are you doing?” The teenager stops swaying and turns around to stare at me puzzled. A few seconds pass and I’m confused to see the blonde suddenly smile.

“Craig! Hey!” Tweek skips across his room and throws his arms around my waist. I stare down at him confused.

“Are you okay?” The blonde rolls his eyes which are darker than usual. But in the dim lighting of his bedroom I shrug it off.

“Yes, I’m okay. Jesus man I feel great.” Tweek pulls away from me but I reach out and grab his hands so that he doesn’t go anywhere.

“You’re not shaking.” I realize with a start. “And you’re not stuttering.”

Tweek blushes and pouts slightly. “I don’t stutter that badly!” It’d seem that the teen is back to his usual self and this makes me happier than it should. “But seriously Craig! I’m fine. I got home last night and I passed out. I slept so much. I haven’t slept that well in ages.”

Tweek’s eyes are darting around the room as he talks but once he finishes he glances up and our eyes meet.

I don’t understand why his eyes are so dark but I trust him and I’m happy he’s feeling better.

“That’s good Tweek. I’ve missed you.” The blonde’s smile doesn’t falter as he edges up on his tippy-toes and presses his lips against mine for a short and sweet kiss.
“Don’t worry yourself Craig-o. I’m out of my funk and feeling better than ever.”

Chapter Text

“-and that's w-when I knew it was time t-to go to the ER!” I enthusiastically finish explaining. The crowd of three students around me start cackling. I can't fight the big shit eating grin on my face. I've always hated school yet here I am telling stories and making people laugh.

It felt good. Really good. The bell rings and everyone waves goodbye as we split up to go home. I cross campus until I reach the parking lot and Token's porsche. I'm the first one to arrive so I lean back against the vehicle as I think.

I feel the effects from this morning wearing off and while a part of me wants to take more I know I need to pace myself. It's my dirty little secret. One that would make my friends and family furious at me but a secret I can't help indulge in. I snapped out of my thoughts by a hand gripping my shoulder.

A familiar body presses against my back and with a smile I lean back into it. “How was your last class?” As Craig speaks he squeezes my shoulder.

I turn so I can see his face and I smile shyly. “It went r-really good! I was t-telling a few p-people about the time I b-broke my arm when we were k-kids. Everyone laughed r-really hard. It w-was nice.”

Craig smiles gently and he has the same look in his eyes he gets before he kisses me. Considering the parking lot has begun to get crowded he withholds.

“Well I'm glad class went well. Meanwhile I got in trouble because my essay about radioactive monsters was immature.” Craig scoffs and rolls his eyes. “My essay was sooo serious. Like how dare she insult my masterpiece.” I giggle and shrug.

“She just d-doesn’t understand y-you’re artistic value.”

“You're right. So right.” Craig looks like he's about to keep talking but stops when he gets interrupted by a squealing mass of brown hair.

“Creek!” Clyde loudly calls. He barrels between the two of us and drapes an arm over both mine and Craig's shoulders.

“What the fuck does Creek mean?” Craig deadpans.

“It's your couple name, duh. Craig plus Tweek equals Creek. I think it's super adorbes.”

“Did you really give them a couple name? What are we? Part of Teen Girls magazine?” Token asks as he walks up. He presses the button on his key fob to unlock his car.

“What noooo, well maybe. Teen Girls magazine actually has some quality material. And like hot girls.” Clyde tries to defend. We all climb into the car. With Clyde up front and me and Craig in the back.

“Whatever you say Clyde. We all know you just read the love quizzes and zodiac shit.” Craig points out. Clyde let's out this high pitched whine and blubbers about it being blasphemy. Or whatever.

“What do you guys want to do today?” Token asks.

“W-Well I have to w-work in an hour.” I sheepishly pipe up. Craig gives me a questioning look.

“But I dont work?”

“N-No, its Bebe's first day so-so I'm working with h-her.”

“You're working with my love bug?” Clyde asks overly loud. “Tell her I say hello!”

“Alright I'll drop you off first Tweek.” Token says. He takes a left turn and starts heading towards my house. It's only a matter of moments before we make it to my house.

I hug my boyfriend and say goodbye to others then I'm darting outside and in my house. The first thing I do is make it to the kitchen and power up our espresso machine. Usually I just have drip coffee but today I was craving something fancier.

My mom is in the kitchen baking pastries for the shop while dad works. She rattles on about the weather and the sweet embrace of coffee so I tune her out and focus on the task at hand.

After the machine is powered on and warming up I pull out my phone to text Kenny.

Tweek: Hey, I need a reup. On both stuff. I'm home till 4, can u come by?

By the time I finish making the coffee I already have a reply.

Kenny: omw

I smile to myself and make my way upstairs. I change into a white long sleeve. My hair happened to be extra annoying today so I grab a couple hair clips and awkwardly pin my hair back. I have a feeling Bebe is going to fix it when I get to work but that's alright.

I turn on music and browse social media until I hear my front door slamming and footsteps running up the stairs. Kenny enters my room with his backpack and headphones in. Hes mouthing along to whatever he's listening to but he turns it off once he enters the room.

“Wassuuuup!” He crows.

“N-Not much.”

“So you need more molly and weed, huh?” I nod with a sheepish smile. “It's been helping when you microdose before school?”

“Oh y-yeah. I've had the b-best days of school these last c-couple of days. It helps m-more than my m-medication. And I don't t-think anyone is suspicious.”

“Good, I'm glad Tweekers. I'll throw you ten for 80. Then 70 for the ounce of reefer. So 150 total. Sound ok?”

“Y-Yeah, that's fine. I'll bring m-money to school tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. I gotta get going and meet up with someone. But have a good day at work, okay man?” I nod and we do the little hand slap fist bump thing all guys do.

Kenny leaves the room and I grimace realizing I have the edge of a bad head ache coming on. This happened yesterday too around this time. I grimace but shrug it off and start chugging some coffee.

Fifteen minutes later I’m lying in a dark room with my arm covering my eyes. My head ache has turned into a full blown migraine and I’m in the worst mood ever. Work is in twenty minutes too which didn't make things any better. From downstairs I hear my mom call my name. I ignore her which leads to her screaming my name in the most banshee fucking manner ever.

“God d-“God d-damnit Mom, I’m FUCKING C-COMING.” I didn’t mean to scream at her. But currently this headache has me wanting to like die - or something. Just like usual my mother was being overbearing and not all there. Sometimes I really wish she’d just get out of my life. With my bad mood I don’t even care how bad it sounds.

I cross my room in three steps and then I’m bounding down the stairs. My mom is in the kitchen wearing an apron. The counters around her I covered in various baked goods she’s been making today.

“Tweek, honey. I need you to take all these treats with you to the shop,” she gestures widely at everything.

“Mom- I t-thought you were d-driving me to w-work!”

“Oh!” She gasps. “Am I? I must have forgotten. Silly me. Well you finish getting ready and I’ll get these in the car.”

I groan, turn around, and head back upstairs. That entire interaction was a total waste of my time. Upstairs I grab some pot and pop half a pill to help my headache. I’ve been taking only half pills so that they’ll last longer.

Kenny told me I should slow down but I’m fine. I’m doing better than fine for once.

In my room I last minute decide to change my shirt out for a light green long sleeved shirt. I wore it the other day and Craig complimented it so now I want to wear it again. I’m not working with Craig today but I’m hoping to see him after work.

Once I’m finished I go back downstairs, recruit my mother and head to work. I have my school backpack with me that’s carrying some good ‘ol weed and a new pipe Clyde gave me. I named it Mr. Frogger because it reminds me of a frog. It’s dark green with a light green stripe running down the back.

When we arrive at the shop Mom helps me carry in the treats. Dad starts rambling about service being graced by coffee lovers. Something he says makes me realize I have english homework. It’s only the second week of school and I’m being dumped homework nearly every day. So far fuck senior year. My grades are already on a bad start which I contribute to my new skipping problem. I mean who would want to sit through class when you could go hang out with Kenny and smoke a blunt?

“Tweek?” My name comes from my dad who’s staring at me. I was zoning out so I must have missed what he said.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Now that all the baked goods are in the counter your mom and I are going to migrate home where we can be embraced by the savory smell of coffee beans.” I roll my eyes at my dad but nod.

“It’s okay, B-Bebe should be here s-soon.” Bebe does start today after all. Now instead of working alone when I’m not working with Craig I’m working with the blonde.

“Alright, goodbye son.”

With that my parents leave the empty shop.

First thing I do is plug in my phone to the sound system and start up some chill music. Next thing I do is start making myself a coffee. I decide I want a coconut flavored coffee. It’s as I’m steaming my milk that Bebe walks in.

The blonde is dressed in a red long sleeve shirt with a deep v-cut and skinny jeans. Her bouncy curls manage to look runway ready as usual. In a passing thought I realize we’ll probably get more customers in here with Bebe. She does attract people like a moth to a light.

“Tweek, dearie! How are you love?” Bebe crosses the room and gives me a one armed hug.

“I’m g-good. I was about to s-smoke a bowl. You down?” It’s true I am starting to feel better. My headache is still there but it’s no longer a migraine and more of a dull buzz.

“Of course! I haven’t smoked at all today and I’ve had the longest day.” Bebe goes off about her day and I listen attentively as I finish making my coffee. Bebe is still ranting as we enter the break room. She continues to talk as she puts on her apron and name tag. Finally she takes a seat opposite of me as she finishes her story.

“That r-really sucks Bebe.” I say in reply to her day. “My mom w-was pissing me off. She needs to g-go back on her damn m-meds.She called me d-downstairs and we had a c-completely useless conversation. N-neither of us got a-anything out of it and it’s just s-so annoying!”

“You should just move out. When do you turn 18?”

“October 17th. B-But it’s not like I can m-move out. I have nowhere-to go.”

“Oh hey mine’s the 13th. Anyways, silly! You work! I know you save money too. How much do you have in savings?”

“A f-few grand?” I hit the pipe and inhale deeply. I exhale and pass Mr Frogger to Bebe.

“Dude you can totally move into your own place. And if you get roommates it’ll be hella cheap! It’d be dope.” I love it how Bebe talks. She’s such a fair creature that some of the things that come from her mouth would surprise you.

“I don’t k-know man. I’m barely gonna be 18 soon.” She hands the pipe back to me. She’s about to say something but we’re interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. I quickly hit the pipe then set it down before stepping out into the shop.

Some brunette business woman walks up the counter and stares at the menu. I accidentally carried the lighter out with me so I’m fidgeting with it under the counter as I wait for her to order.

“Order w-whenever you’re r-ready.”

“Yeah, can I get a peppermint white mocha?” I give her the total as Bebe starts making the coffee. By the time her chipped card finally buzzes when the transaction’s finished the coffee is already done. Tuesday evenings are usually slow and with this woman being given her coffee the shop was empty again.

“I really do think you should move. And just throwing it out there I’m moving out of my house as soon as I’m 18 and I’m looking for a roommate.” Bebe winks at me as we enter the break room again. We resume smoking.

“Why a-are you so insistent t-that I should move out?” I whine as I pass off the pipe.

“I know how miserable you are at home Tweek. It’s an obvious answer that you should move out!” I groan and shake my head.

“Ok, I’ll t-think about it.”

“Like can’t you imagine it Tweek?” Bebe is holding the pipe near her face as she smiles at me excitedly. “Midnight dance parties. Cake and wine when we have a bad day. We could decorate it all cute and stuff!”

The odd thing was I could imagine it. Bebe is such a drama free person. And she’d help me keep things clean! It sounded alluring as fuck. No more overbearing parents and a space that is all mine.

“I think C-Craig would get j-jealous.” I sheepishly admit.

“I mean when the time comes we could always discuss a third roommate.” Bebe winks at me then finally hits the pipe and passes it back to me.

“Ok! I’ll t-think about it. Okay m-man?”

“Perfect! Now let me fix those bobby pins in your hair. They’re atrocious.”

~~~~~~~~~~

When 9 pm roles around and we’re closing up shop I text Craig and ask if I can come over. Bebe already offered to give me a ride wherever. As I’m sweeping my boyfriend of 3 weeks quickly texts back with an ok.

We finish up cleaning and lock the doors. We step out into the night and parked along the sidewalk fifteen feet away is Bebe’s nice ass convertible. It’s impressive because Bebe saved up and bought herself when she turned 17.

“Yeah can y-you take me to Craig’s?” I ask as we get into the car.

“Of course stud muffin. To Craig’s we go!” Bebe winks at me as she revs up the engine. The radio turns on with the car and Drake starts . The curly haired blonde next to me squeals in excitement and starts singing along. “I only love my bed and my momma I’m sorry. Fifty dub, I even got it tatted on me.” She pauses to blasting nub me on the shoulder. “Come on Tweek, sing along!” She insists.

I groan and shake my head. “But I don’t know t-the words!” I have to half shout to be heard over the roaring wind and loud music.

“Then make it up! See watch…” She inhales deeply and when speaks again she’s practically screaming. “And I don’t care, that you love me cuz baby I’m sexy. Look at me, touch me, crave me, fight me. Bring it on baby.” The rap isn’t very good but it has me laughing.

“Y-Yeah, Bebe’s a g- o- d. Even b-better than Drake she’s a b-a-b-e. Smoking w-weed, making coffee, d-drinking coffee, yeah. I love coffee.” Bebe’s laughing like my pathetic ‘rap’ is hysterical. Her laugh only gets me laughing and it makes me feel great. Bebe is such a positive and fun person. I’m glad she’s working at the shop again and I’m glad she’s my friend.

One song and four bad raps later we’re at Craigs. I had texted him a heads up that I was coming by but I wasn’t sure if he saw it. After saying my farewells to Bebe I step out of the car and call my boyfriend. He picks up on the third ring.

“Whazzup?” He answers.

“I’m outside m-man. Let m-me in!”

“Wait- really? Shit, kay. I’ll be down.”

It takes only a minute for Craig to come running downstairs to let me in. My boyfriend was clad in only a pair of dark blue sweatpants. His scarred tissues on his abdomen glistens in the moonlight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so casual when shirtless. He waves me inside and I quickly step into the warmth.

The house is dark and I’m assuming that means everyone’s asleep. Craig hasn’t said a word and is already leading the way upstairs to his room. His room is only lit by the dim light of his lamp. On his computer Minecraft is open and his character stands inside a wooden house. I must have interrupted him playing video games.

“How was work?” Craig asks as he closes the door behind me. I sit down on his bed and sigh.

“It was g-good, just kind o-of boring.” The noirette is crossing the room to his closet where he grabs the first shirt he finds. I’m a little disappointed he’s putting on a shirt. My boyfriend is pretty hot.

“Yeah? Things going well with Bebe?”

“Sure! She k-kept telling me I should m-move out of my parents. She even o-offered to be roommates w-with me.” I giggle but Craig is just frowning. He grunts and moves to his computer. I watch as he shuts down his games then takes a seat on his bed next to me.

“Do what you want.” Craig says with a shrug.

“I don’t w-want to move out.”

“Yeah but I mean you do hate living with your parents.” He points out with a shrug.

“S-So do you!” I cross my arms and lean back on the bed. “Maybe you should move out.” I’m half joking but Craig gets a very serious look on his face. He hums and drapes an arm over my shoulders.

“You know that’s not a bad idea. You’ll be 18 in a few months, I’m already 18. We can just save up and get a place. Together.” Craig suddenly seems to get embarrassed. “I mean maybe, if you want.”

I sit up so I can look at Craig better. We’ve been dating about 3 weeks now and talking about moving in together feels a little fast but it also felt right. I mean half the time I’m crashing at Craig’s or he’s at my house. But I also recognized the fact that by the time we’d move in together we’ll be dating for almost three months. The concept of time sends chills down my spine. There was no promise me and Craig would still be together in two months but there’s also no reason we wouldn’t still be together.

“Yeah, I-I’d like t-that. And I mean if we need another roommate I’m sure Bebe would be willing.” I slyly add. I didn’t want to admit that me and Bebe already hypothesized Craig moving in too.

“Living with Clyde’s girlfriend? That’d be weird. He’d probably be over bugging us all the time.” Craig grumbles. I lean back against the bed so we’re shoulder to shoulder.

“H-Hey! Be nice. He’s y-your best friend.” I elbow Craig’s side and he laughs and playfully elbows me back.

“Yeah yeah. But as my best friend I get complaining rights. But nah, that doesn’t sound to bad. Of all the south park girls Bebe is probably the most tolerable one. She’s actually chill.”

“Y-You can also get t-to know her better. We have t-till October f-for me turn 18 and it’s b-barely september now.”

“That’s true. Now what do you want to do. My vote is lets make out.” Craig quickly sits up and positions his arms on either side of me so that I’m trapped. I laugh and shake my head.

“You’re ridiculous!”

----------

It’s been a while since I’ve stood here. Here in this particular office. An office that no longer even existed because of me. The walls are beige and the carpet a light brown. Brown cushioned seat for the patient. Brown love couch for other people. Brown desk for him. So much brown everywhere.

Brown used to be my favorite color. Brown for his office and brown for the color of his eyes. Now days I despise the color.

I know I should feel nervous or dread or just something but instead I feel nothing. I feel almost as if I’m floating, just bobbing in and out in place. Was I going to be alone in this room or would I see him?

Almost on cue I hear the gentle click of a door closing behind me. As if moving through molasses I turn around to see him.

“Bentley,” I barely whisper. The blank look on his face turns into a slow smile. He steps towards me with an arm stretched towards me. I take a step back but trip on the edge of a chair. I’m falling backwards… and falling… and falling.

Everything is a swirl of colors until I softly land in a blue space. There’s no floors or walls just sky blue everywhere. Now dread fills me. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next.

I slowly turn around to the sight of her and the little girl. Both are wearing all black - the colors of mourning. The girl holds a single black balloon. With a blank expression she opens her mouth and starts screaming. There’s rich emotion in her words yet her expression remains blank.

“You thief! You stole him away! You stole my Daddy!” She viciously screams.

Her words are on a loop getting louder and louder each time. By now I’m shaking and petrified. I fall to my knees and bury my face against my legs. I use my hands to cover my ears but I can still hear her.

“No! S-Stop!” I desperately scream. I keep screaming both in hopes she'll stop and to drown out the sound of her screams. Suddenly I feel the pressure of arms squeezing me. I thrash and scream. “Let me go!”

“Let m-me go!” I sob as I desperately try to break free. Over the sound of my voice I faintly realize there’s deep undertones speaking instead of the shrill voice of a child.

“Tweek! You’re okay. It’s me, Craig.” There’s a heavy presence of concern in his voice and it slowly pulls me out of my reverie.

I push his arms off of me and sit up. I can’t look at Craig but instead stare at the wall as tears continue to stream down my face. I hadn’t have one of those dreams in a while. I can’t handle those dreams. I stiffly scramble off the bed and look around the room with my chest heaving. I finally spot my shoes and quickly shove them on.

“Tweek where are you going?” Craig asks sounding perplexed. I grab my phone right as there’s a loud banging on the door.

“Craig! What the hell is going on?” Thomas Tucker roars. Normally I’d be terrified to open the door and face the six foot something 250 lb man but in the moment I couldn’t give a single fuck.

I unlock the door and since I’m so small I easily manage to squeeze myself past the burly man and dart through the upstairs hallway. “Tweek?” I hear him ask. I want to feel bad for Craig having to deal with this aftermath but even that doesn’t matter in the moment.

I’m out the front door in only a matter of seconds. I needed release. I sprint down the sidewalk and start heading towards Starks pond. Normally release meant hurting myself but I’ve discovered a new way of killing myself slowly. Drugs.

I pull out my phone and blindly dial Kenny’s number. When he answer’s hello I hear a roar of voices in the background. He must be at a party.

“Kenny, I n-need to leave t-this world.” I stutter out. I slow down to a fast walking pace. I’m huffing slightly and the cool one am air gives me goosebumps.

“Wait-” Kenny slurs. The buzzing of background noise minimizes after a moment and I’m guessing the drug dealer migrated outside. “What’s going on Tweek?”

“It d-doesn’t matter what’s going o-on for fucks sake! I need to f-fucking leave this planet and I k-know you can get me there.” My heart is pounding and I’m violently shaking.
“Tweek you’re concerning me. Drugs aren’t always the answer man. And that’s coming from a drug dealer! What’s going on buddy?”

“Kenny I’m n-not trying to talk. I’m t-trying to get h-high. Either you h-help me or I’m going to Mr. S-Slave.” Everyone and their mother knew Mr. Slave of South Park is a big time dealer. He went from classroom assistant to classroom dealer. The only problem was he’s big time sketchy. Talking child predator sketchy.

“Fuck Tweek. That’s not necessary. Fuck. Okay, where are you?” Kenny asks.

“Stark’s p-pond.” I wasn’t quite there but I would be at the lake side in a few minutes.

“Okay I’ll be there soon. That’ll be a good place for what I have in mind. I’ll make someone give me a ride there and I’ll be there soon. Is that okay?” Kenny doesn’t often sound genuinely concerned but at the moment he does.

Before I can say anything I’m interrupted by my phone buzzing with a new call. Of course it’s Craig.

“T-That’s fine. Just bring a j-jacket if you can. I’ll see you s-soon.” As Kenny hangs up I’m about to ignore Craig’s call but last second I decide I could fake my way through it.

“Tweek?” Craig’s panicked voice immediately loudly calls through the phone. I wince and shake my head as I sit down on a log by the water side. It’s a nice night for September. It’s starting to get cold but still warm enough from summer. The moon’s reflection on the water is hypnotic and a part of me wishes I could strip down naked and just float on my back in the water.

“Y-Yes?” I finally answer after a long moment. There’s a large sigh of relief on the other end.

“Are you okay? Where are you?”

“I’m o-okay. I’ll be home s-soon,” I lie. “I’m by t-the corner store nearby m-my house.”

“What happened? Are you okay. I was so worried but my dad flipped out on me. Otherwise I would have called earlier. You know that, right?” It’s almost strange to hear Craig so concerned but I still feel numb and can’t find it in me to properly care.

“I j-just had a nightmare and wanted t-to go home. Sorry, I s-should have handled it b-better.” I lean my torso forward so that my forehead is pressed against my knees. This conversation made me feel like I’m suffocating. It needed to end pronto.

“Oh… okay. Are you sure you’re okay? You just suddenly started screaming and like spasming next to me.”

“I’m o-okay,” I break off almost about to sob again. I take a deep breath and swallow back the tears. Everything being said brought back the crisp memory of what I dreamed.

“Okay. I really care about you Tweek, ya know?” Usually Craig would be more standoffish about a comment like that. I must have really scared him.

“I care a-about you too. H-Hey I just got home. I p-probably shouldn’t be t-talking on the phone w-when I walk into my house.”

“Right, you’re probably right. Uh, goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“R-Right. Maybe. I might s-skip school tomorrow. I d-don’t know yet.”

“Well let me know in the morning if we should pick you up. Goodnight Tweek,” Craig finishes. I say my farewells then hang up. Our conversation somehow managed to take ten minutes so I expect Kenny soon which is good because I’m fucking cold.

Almost as if she’s behind me I suddenly hear her screaming again. I know it’s not real but it sounds so real. I drown it out by playing music on my phone. It’s another ten minutes or so before I see Kenny trapezing through the foliage Gleefully enough he’s carrying an extra hoodie.

When he sees me he doesn’t say a word and just sits down beside me. “You don’t look so good,” he finally says. It’s not what I expected to hear so I laugh. “I’m serious dude! Are you okay?”

“I’m f-fine. Just tell me what y-you have.” Kenny stares at me for a long moment before sighing.

“Well. Initially I thought DMT but that feels a bit extreme for you since you’ve never had psychedelics so instead I was thinking some salvia. I’m guessing you want a short high otherwise I’d offer some shrooms or acid.”

“W-What’s salvia?” I ask as I pull on the jacket. Kenny unzips his backpack and fumbles through it for a moment.

“Salvia divinorum. It’s a ten- fifteen minute high where you literally leave this planet. It’s some intense trippy ass shit.” Kenny explains.

I’ve never considered doing psychedelics before yet here I am about to do it. I want to escape the memory pressing against me. I wanted to be free. I know Kenny can get me there.

“I’ll do it.” Kenny pulls out a bag of what looks like weed. “I don’t w-want to just smoke weed, K-Kenny.”

Kenny lets out a nervous laugh. “While it looks similar, trust me, it’s not weed. You smoke it just like weed but what we’re gonna do is I’m going to give you a full bowl and you torch it all.”

“A w-whole bowl?” I ask.

“Yep. That’ll get you where you need to go. Especially since you’ve never done psychedelics.”

“O-Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Tweek I don’t know if this is a good idea. Salvia is very intense. I honestly thought you’d chicken out by now. I don’t want you to have a bad trip.” Kenny explains.

“If I h-have a bad trip t-that’s on me. Not you. I want t-to fucking do this so p-please just help me.” I hold my hand out for the pipe Kenny has already loaded.

“Fuck dude. Okay but if it doesn’t go well I told you so. Sorry but just have to make that clear.” Kenny explains. He hands me a lighter and I stare at the greens in the bowl.

I don’t really know what salvia is but I’m ready to escape. With that I lift the lighter and torch the bowl. I deeply inhale and hold it in. As I exhale I slide off the log so that I’m leaning back against instead. And then I lift off.

One moment it's the crisp familiar night and the next I'm traveling through a vortex of colors that swarm and mutate around me. Then I'm standing. I expected paradise and release but instead I'm back there. Back in that stupid brown office. I furiously kick the brown lazy boy and to my surprise it's a solid mass that I actually come into contact with.

“Why a-am I here? W-Why!” I scream. I knew he was coming next but I'm not ready for it. Nothing happens and suddenly I'm reminded of how he wouldn't start a session until I stopped pacing and sat down ready to talk. I huff and sit down in the brown leather chair opposite of the desk.

It's as if as soon as my rear hits the chair he appears opposite of me. Clear olive complexion… chocaltely brown eyes… a crooked smile and lean build. The same thirty something I so long ago became obsessed with.

“What d-do you want from me?” I ask him. He has a faint smile as he stares blankly at me.

“The better question is what can you do for yourself,” he says.

“No! You don't g-get to escape with b-bullshit therapist answers! Why d-do you haunt my s-soul? Why can't I just-just be free? It's been two y-years!” I drop my face in my hands and shudder. I couldn't be doing this again.

“So Tweek, according to my file you're fifteen, is this correct?” He suddenly asks. I glance up confused and with dread I realize this is the moment we met. Do I play along? Do i scream?

“Y-Yes,” I quietly admit.

“Before we really delve into things I'd like to get to know you. I dont want you to feel like you're talking to a stranger after all!” He chirps happily.

I feel the urge to act along to the entire scenario as it played out but more than anything I want to scream and cry. “You were j-just grooming me.” I barely whisper. “I w-was just an innocent c-child.”

“Is that so?” He laughs wholesomely. It's the same laugh that got me so smitten. “That sounds very intriguing! I'd love to get to know you better over time Tweek. I'm sure we'll do great as a duo.” His cheery demeanor and easy going chatter brings back so many vivid memories. They start innocent and playful before they become intense and heated and eventually passionate.

The memories are overwhelming and the exact opposite to what I want. I crumple in on myself and the heavy weight of reality sinks over me. The tears barely manage to escape me before I'm sucked through the colorful vortex again.

When I look up I realize im young again. I'd guess ten or so. Craig is to my left as he scrambles over the playground at central park. There’s a metal rocket ship that he sits in. He points at me and then up at the stars. “Tweek! We must hurry before the martians invade our space ship!”

“Im n-not in the mood C-Craig.” I deadpan. But the memory plays on. I reluctantly stand up and start climbing the playground so the scenario can play on.

“Hurry Tweek! I'll shoot them off you but they're right on your ass!” Craig excitedly screams. I pick up the pace and crawl faster. Craig is making finger guns and shooting noises as he shoots the supposed martians.

“You said you'd a-always have my b-back,” I say softly, mostly to myself knowing what coming next.

“I'll always have your back Tweek! Best spacemans forever!” I finally reach his platform And small Craig beams at me. “You made it alive!” Suddenly his smile turns sinister. “But remember? I abandoned you!” Craig cackles. As he says this he grows and accelerates to the age and size he's currently at.

A sob rips through me and as I fall through the vortex the curls swirl me until I land with a soft thump on solid ground. Instead of the blue sphere of my dreams I'm in a green scape. I slowly stand up and turn around. The last thing I expect to see is the slightly younger fifteen year old me.

“W-Why?” I ask dumbstruck.

“Why not?” My mirror version snarky asks.

“Why d-do you constantly haunt me? Re-Release me!” The other me sighs and softly shakes his head.

“It's not me who needs to release but you. It wasn't your fault. You must forgive yourself Tweek.” His voice echoes and swarms around me as I get sucked in by the vortex of colors again.

I blink heavily and as I blink again it's the cool night sky that greets me. “Wha- What?” I barely manage to spit out. I heavily slur and my tongue feels like concrete. I sit up and Kenny is crouching in front of me.

“-you okay?” I catch the end of. I blink heavily again and yawn.

“W-Where am I?” I slur.

“You’re at starks pond man, are you okay? You were out for about ten minutes.” He explains.

Oh yeah… I just tried salvia?

Chapter Text

So get this. I’m royally screwed. Technically I’m banned from seeing my boyfriend by my so-called father and I’m on kitchen duty for two weeks. Kitchen duty is whatever but I have for sure gotten used to sleeping next to Tweek and I kind of feel like a sap for saying it but I miss him when he’s not there. Having a boyfriend is still a foreign yet alluring concept to me. Either way I’m really digging it.

Being banned from seeing my boyfriend would be manageable considering we could see each other at school. If, if, my boyfriend would manage to actually show up. It’s been three days since Tweek spent the night at my house and woke me up from his screaming. His night terror woke up the whole family and he just bolted out of my room so fast I could hardly comprehend it in my tired ass state. The short ten minute conversation that followed that event is the last time I even spoke to Tweek. I’ve sent him several text messages but I just get cryptic answers. It almost makes me wonder if Tweek is avoiding me.

I’m used to a drama free life and this feels like the life equivalent of homework. I guess I didn’t realize being in a relationship would be so complex. Not that I’m regretting my choices or anything. I’m just honestly baffled. Something was going on with Tweek and I’m determined to get to the bottom of it.

Which of course brings me to today. Thursday and the fourth day of school where Tweek will probably not show up. I’m currently in the front seat of Token’s car with Clyde in the back. We’re probably about five minutes away from school. When I texted Tweek about getting a ride I got no reply so he’s probably sleeping.

“You’re sulking again Craig.” Clyde practically mocks. I hold up my middle finger where he can see it.

“Fuck you. Am not.”

“Pretty sure you are. You’re thinking about your boooooooyfrieeeeend again, huh?”

“Pretty sure I’m not.” Which is of course a total lie.

Token sighs from the front seat. “How long is this going to continue?” He asks like a tired mother with five rowdy children.

“Until Craig can admit he misses Tweek-” Clyde blurts at the same time I say, “Until Clyde shuts the fuck up.”

“Settle down children.” Token always sounds very calming and just plain out soothing when he uses this tone. It always works on Clyde so I let it go. If Clyde will shut up, I’ll enjoy the peace and quiet. The rest of the drive to school is silent. When we pull up and open our car doors my ears are met with the usual high school rush. A few cars down is Bebe Stevan’s red convertible and when she spots us she came bounding over.

“Babe!” She squeals as she throws her arms around Clyde’s shoulders and hugs him. An unwanted part of my brain wonders if Tweek and I will ever get to that level of familiarity.

“Bebe! How are you doing today?” Clyde asks as she pulls away. Token rounds the side of the car so he’s standing by my side. We watch silently as the other two talk.

“I’m good. I was actually looking for Tweek. Was he a no show again today?” Her icy blue eyes sweep around us. Her lips pout and she shakes her head slightly, sending her huge curls bouncing.

“Yeah he must be sick or something.” I can’t help but scoff sardonically. Sure Clyde, that’s what’s going on.

“Well did you guys hear about this weekend?” Bebe asked, turning her attention back to us.

“What’s happening this weekend?” Token asks perking up all interested. Token may not act like it but he likes to always be present and a part of the local hip-happenings. Token is kind of a diva like that. Front and center like some high school queen bee.

“A whole bunch of us are going camping. You guys are invited of course. Tweek too of course.” Bebe flips her hair over her shoulder and pops a hip out and puts her hand on it. “It’ll be fun. We’re bringing a few bottles and an ounce of weed.”

“When?” Clyde asks.

“Friday and saturday night, return sunday afternoon.”

“Who’s us?” Token quizzically asks.

“Me, Red, Wendy, Stan, Kyle, and you guys.”

“So no fat ass?” Is what I ask and am truly only concerned about. Because fuck Cartman.

“Fuck no.” Bebe replies.

“We’re game!” Clyde eagerly exclaims jumping up and down.

“Uh excuse you fuckface. I never said I was willing to go.” I interject slightly annoyed. I wasn’t actually against going or anything. I just liked arguing with Clyde. The more difficult I could make his life the better.

“Oh come on Craig,” Token sighs. “I’m sure Tweek will want to go.”

“Oh yeah, trust me I can get him to go,” Bebe agrees. For some reason I believe her too.

“Yeah maybe. We’ll see.” At that the warning bell rings telling us that we need to start getting our asses to class.

The group of us split up and I dejectedly headed to the first period. Camping sounded alright. Camping with Tweek sounded great but things with Tweek were a little rough right now. I get to class right as the final bell rings. To my surprise on the left side of the homeroom in his assigned seat is Tweek looking a little worn out. His forest green button up is misbuttoned and he has a blank glazed over expression. In between his slightly trembling hands is a container of what I can only assume is coffee.

I want to make a high tail to Tweek’s desk and demand some answers but the teacher is already at the front of the room beginning her lesson. So instead I send a sharp glare towards Tweek - which is ignored - and head to my desk.

The hour goes by painstakingly slow and I have to bounce my leg under my desk in an attempt to control my wound up energy. I’m riddled with questions and I’d do just about anything to get some answers. When the bell rings I bolt out of my desk so quickly the bell hasn’t even had a chance to finish ringing. In six steps I’m across the room and at Tweek’s desk. He slowly looks up at me with a blank expression.

“Tweek,” is all I say. His head tilts slightly to the left but he remains silent. “Are you okay? You’ve been pretty much ignoring me.”

Tweek sighs and stands up. Slinging his shoulder bag over his shoulder he says, “I’m f-fine.” He tries to turn away from me but I reach out and grab his shoulder.

“What was the other night about? You scared the shit out of me.”

“Don’t w-worry about it. It was n-nothing.” He jerks his shoulder out of my grip and takes a couple steps away from me. I grab his hand and pull him back around to face me.

“You don’t gotta lie. It was obviously something.”

“Drop it C-Craig. I got to g-get to class.” This time I let it go and let Tweek leave the classroom as I stand silently in my spot confused as fuck. It isn’t until some dweeb coming in for the next period awkwardly asks to sit in Tweek’s spot that I scowl and head to my next class.

Lunch comes quickly and just as before I have it set in my head to hound Tweek for some answers. When I make it to the lunch room I spot Token and Clyde at our usual table but Tweek isn’t there. I start to slowly make my way to the table as I scan the large cafeteria for my boyfriend. It’s right as I’m sitting down next to Token that I catch sight of crazy blonde hair leaning over a slim figure with bouncy curls. Tweek stands at the girl’s table talking to Bebe. He looks pleased and perfectly fine. The total opposite of how he’s acting towards me.

I scowl and pick up the school’s shitty sausage pizza and take a large bite. I hardly taste it - all my mind is consumed with is Tweek and his shifty demeanor. I slowly tear my eyes off the two blondes and focus my attention on the conversation between my two best friends.

“-it’s almost weird to see him at school. I haven’t talked to him yet today, have you?” Token finishes saying. And of fucking course they’re talking about Tweek.

“No man. He looks fine. He must have gotten over his cold or whatever.” Clyde counters. I never did correct Clyde and tell him that Tweek wasn’t sick.

“Maybe. Bebe’s probably telling him about the camping trip.”

Which is actually probably true. It hadn’t occurred to me. I honestly had no idea what Tweek and Bebe could be talking about. The pessimist in me assumes they’d be talking about me. Which I’m starting to recognize as being a hint of irrational. But then again what am I exactly supposed to suspect when Tweek is acting so sketchy towards me? Did I do something in my sleep to offend him the other night?

“I’m glad Tweek is feeling better in time for the camping trip! I’d be sad if the little guy couldn’t go.” Clyde puts both his hands on his cheeks and sways side to side slightly.

“Or even worse, he could have gone and gotten everyone else sick.” Token muses.

“Eugh, I don’t want a cold. Must have sucked for Tweek.”

That’s it. I can’t take in anymore.

“Tweek wasn’t even sick, he was just playing hooky!” I exclaim as I bolt up and slam my hands on the table.

“Woah, you okay Craig?” Clyde asks.

“Sit down dude,” Token adds.

“I gotta go,” I leave my tray of food at the table and grab my backpack and make a beeline towards Tweek.

It takes me all of thirty seconds to reach him and Bebe spots me before he does. She must have said something to him because before I can say anything Tweek turns around to look at me with wide eyes. I shrug my shoulders, adjusting my backpack on my back. I had all the balls in me a minute ago but now that I was facing the petite boy my throat felt dry and closed off.

“We need to talk.” I hoarsely force out. Tweek grimaces and glances over his shoulder at Bebe. Her blue eyes narrow quizzically and she shrugs the smallest bit.

“I’m t-talking to Bebe right n-now.” Tweek stubbornly states. His left arm raises to nervously pick at his right elbow.

“Bebe will be around. I need to talk to you. Right now,” as an afterthought I add, “please.”

“You should go Tweek. Besides, we'll see eachother all weekend when we go camping.” Bebe insists. I simultaneously have two thoughts. The first one is thank you Bebe for actually being on my side. Two, I guess Tweek is actually going camping with us. I don’t know which thought surprises me more.

Tweek turns his back to me to shoot Bebe a scowl that I think he intended for me not to see but I catch a glimpse of anyway. With a sigh my boyfriend turns back around to face me. “Let’s g-go,” he quietly says as he walks straight past me.

We walk silently out of the lunch room, with me trailing a couple feet behind Tweek. He leads me outside and past the usual goths smoker spot until we’re in the back corner of the school’s field, under a triad of trees. Tweek stops walking and mechanically pulls out a cigarette. I watch silently as he lights it and takes a long inhale.

The sight of a cigarette kind of makes me want my own but I decide it’s better to focus on the task at hand. I take a deep breath and stuff my hands in my pockets. What exactly was the right way to go about this, anyways? Hell if I know.

“I need to know what the other night was about,” I finally state. Tweek lets out an irritated sigh and flicks his cigarette. The ash slowly drifted off in the wind. Fall was starting to sneak up onto us. The leaves on the trees around us were reddening and starting to fall off.

“I d-don’t know what there i-is to tell you.” Tweek flippantly replies.

“You woke me up with you screaming bloody murder. Did you have a nightmare or something? What was it about? And why are you acting so weird around me?”

“I can’t r-remember,” he obviously lies. His green eyes shift back and forth looking anywhere but refusing to make eye contact with me. I honestly didn’t understand why he had to be so difficult.

“Did I do something to piss you off or something?” My stomach turns sourly and my nails dig into my leg through the lining of my jeans pocket.

“I d-d-don’t know Craig, drop it.” By the way Tweek puffs on his cigarette I can tell he’s annoyed.

“How the hell am I supposed to drop it when you’re acting like you have a damn stick up your ass?” I snap, accidentally letting my emotions get the better of me. Tweek’s eyes narrow and he puffs on his cigarette quickly until he drops it and puts it out.

“Real s-smooth Craig,” he hisses as he shoulders past me and wanders off towards the goth kids. I stand in the same spot, under the swaying autumn trees unsure of myself. Was I doing the wrong thing pressuring Tweek into telling me what was going on? Was anything even really going on? Am I turning nothing into something?

I just wanted to know how to get my boyfriend back to normal.

When the last bell rang indicating the school day was over I beelined to the back of the school with only one intention on my mind. It was halfway through the fifth period I realized that if Tweek wasn’t going to tell me what the hell was going on I better go find someone who does know. Kenny McCormick.

The douchey dealer is outback with the goth kids smoking a blunt. On most days after school you can find him here for all your illicit drug needs. Only today I didn’t need drugs, just some plain old answers. The blonde is dressed in ripped orange skinny jeans and a white hoodie. He’s currently talking to Henrrietta but when I approach the two go silent and all eyes are on me.

“Craig,” Kenny emotionlessly greets.

“Kenny,” I reply. We stand there staring at each other in silence for a good moment before I internally groan and open my mouth. “We need to talk.”

“So talk lover boy.”

“In private,” in my head I add fuckface afterwards.

“Lead the way then.” Kenny says sweeping his hand out in a wide gesture. “I’ll see ya later babes.” Kenny says to the goth girl, flashing her a peace sign. I ignored him and started walking across the field to the grouping of trees Tweek and I stood under earlier. God knows why I chose to take him back to that spot.

When I’m satisfied with our location I stop and turn around to focus on Kenny. The drug dealer looks bored as he continues to puff on his blunt. Once again I shove my hands in my pockets.

“Do you know what’s going on with Tweek?” I finally ask. Kenny’s eyebrows shoot up but just as quickly as they rise his face goes back to a neutral expression. He hums and shrugs his shoulders, dropping his backpack to the ground in the process.

“Whatever do you mean Craigipoo?” For now I ignore the majorly annoying nickname.

“Tweek’s been acting super weird ever since the other night. You guys are pretty close I figured you might know.” I shrug my own shoulders and nervously glance towards the school. Not gonna lie, I’d rather it that Tweek didn’t see me and Kenny talking right now.

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“That’s the thing. I’ve tried. Multiple times. He keeps pushing it off.”

“Did you ever think that maybe he doesn’t want to tell you?” Kenny asks, striking a chord in me. I internally freeze and consider the question seriously.

“I’m his boyfriend.” Is all I can think to say in response.

“Yeah so respect his boundaries. Fuck. I’m outta here.” Kenny turns and walks away and I let him go.

That was a total waste of time. I groan out of frustration and start heading to the parking lot where my friends are waiting for me. At least I work with Tweek in an hour. As long as he actually shows up.

------

I finish my cigarette as I’m walking up to Tweak Bros. I don’t usually get anxious but right now I surprisingly am. I pull open the front door and it dings as it shuts behind me. Mr. and Mrs. Tweak are behind the counter jovially talking to each other. I almost feel as if I’m walking through a lucid dream.

I begrudgingly greet the couple behind the counter then make my way into the break room. My eyes instantly land on Tweek who’s back is turned to me as he ties his apron. A multitude of bobby pins stick out of his hair which flies in every which direction. Only Tweek can make looking chaotic look casual and cute.

“Hey,” I weakly say. Tweek slams his locker shut and walks past me without a word. Ouch. Well okay then.

With a sigh I open up my own locker and quickly pull off my hat and jacket and put on the apron. At this rate this was going to be a very long work shift. I run a hand through my hair and let out a frustrated groan. Why? Just why?

When I finally work up the balls to leave the staff room Tweek’s parents are gone. The shop has a few customers scattered around drinking coffee and chattering quietly. Overall it’s a pretty chill environment. Tweek is at the espresso machine making himself coffee.

I silently walk up and stand five feet away from him awkwardly. If Tweek wasn’t mad at me before he obviously seems to be mad now. It’s as I’m wondering if he found out about the whole Kenny thing that he speaks up.

“Next time I c-choose not to tell y-you about something, t-that doesn’t mean you g-go to my friend for the a-answers.” Well that answers that. His voice is cold and quiet. Not loud enough for any customers to hear. I kind of lock up and nervously scratch at my side.

“Well what else was I supposed to do when you weren’t giving me anything?” I hiss back. Tweek flips on the steamer and starts steaming his milk. He says nothing until he turns the steamer off.

“Oh I d-don’t know, accept the a-answers you were given.”

I throw up my arms in exasperation. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?” My voice rises a little and Tweek shushes me loudly. I pause and inhale deeply, speaking again but this time lowering my volume. “You ran out of my house screaming and now I’ve got a lifetime ban from seeing my boyfriend by my parents.”

“I d-didn’t know that.” Tweek manages to look a little bit guilty.

“So don’t say that all that trouble was literally nothing. You ignored me for days and now you’re acting sus as fuck around me. Fuck yeah I want some answers. Literally it’s as simple as saying I had a dream that rabid killer clowns from space were trying to eat me.” Tweek shakes his head at my example of a nightmare.

“It’s n-not always that s-simple Craig,” is Tweek’s cryptic ass answer.

“How the hell not! I’m just freaking asking you to tell me what your nightmare was about!”

“Um, excuse me?” Comes a timid female voice behind the counter.

In unison both me and Tweek swivel around to stare at the customer. “What?” We both snap at the same time.

“Uhh-” She hesitates to order, looking back and forth between Tweek and I. I’m too irritated at Tweek to really care what her opinion is. I just want her to leave. “I think I’ll just go…” She stammers out before turning around and hightailing it out of the building.

“L-Look what you did. You s-scared off a c-customer!” Tweek exclaims angrily. I think he’s forgotten to be quiet now and a couple customers in the shop are staring. I couldn’t really give two shits.

“Me? It’s your fault for being so goddamn difficult,” I argue.

“Y-Yeah, well why c-can’t you just accept the answers y-you’re given. Why do y-you have to be so p-pushy!”

“Says Mr. Secrets over here. What you gotta keep life mysterious or something? You can’t just be fucking honest for once?”

“What d-do you mean for o-once? I’m honest a-all the time!”

“But not when it counts.”

“You o-only think this is w-what counts because you’re pissed off I-I’m not telling you what you want t-to hear.” Maybe Tweek has a point.

“This could all be done and over with if you just told me what the hell the problem here is.” I’m getting very frustrated at this point. I dully notice a couple get up and leave the shop but I’m too focused on Tweek. “What? Am I the problem?”

“Hell y-yeah you are now!” Tweek tears his eyes off of me and angrily pumps white chocolate into his coffee. “You weren’t the p-problem until you had to be such a p-pushy buttmuncher. Why d-don’t you just go home.”

Okay now I’m just offended. “Why don’t you just go home?” I childishly counter. Tweek huffs and rolls his eyes.

“It’s m-my shop dipshit. Just leave,” Tweek insists. I honestly don’t know what to say anymore. I’m speechless. I exhale sharply and cross my arms.

“Fine.” I snap.

“Fine,” Tweek echoes.

“Fine,” I turn on my heels and march to the break room. Inside I quickly shed my apron and pull on my hat. If Tweek wanted to be so stubborn and difficult then fine. Let him. That’s his problem then. I won’t bother. I finish jerking on my jacket and close my locker with a slam.

I turn on my heel and exit the break room. I cross through the shop all the while refusing to look at Tweek. Sooner rather than later my hands settle on the cold metal of the shop door and it’s dinging shut behind me.

I kind of expected to spend my whole day at work so now that that’s out of the question, I’m at a loss what to do with my time. I pull out my cigarettes and light one of the slender white sticks. The air outside is brisk and the wind a gentle push and pull. Next I pull out my phone and dial one ditz’s phone number.

“-ello?”

“What are you doing?” I ask in between inhale and exhale of smoke.

“Wait- shouldn’t you be working right now?” Clyde asks, confused. I scowl and kick a rock, sending it flying down the sidewalk.

“Things changed. What are you doing?”

“I’m at Token’s. We’re smoking and watching Space Balls.” I scoff at their movie choice but dismiss it.

“I’ll be there soon.” I hang up without waiting to hear the brunette’s response and start walking in the direction of the Black residence. The fifteen minute walk cools down my anger but by the time I arrive I’m still irritated.

This is the first fight Tweek and I have had and it’s making me feel like shit. I kept being torn between feeling justified in my actions and unsure. It really wasn’t making me feel good. I had sworn I was making the right choice going to Kenny but now I couldn’t be so sure.

With a sigh I open the front door to the luxurious house and head towards the basement. The TV is most definitely playing Space Balls and I instantly smell weed. The lights are half dimmed and I can also detect hints of popcorn. Token and Clyde’s backs are to me on the couch as they watch the TV.

“What's up bitches,” I greet. I round the couches and take a seat. I hold out my hands towards James Bong and Clyde hands me the bong and lighter.

“Craig, what happened to work?” Token instantly questions. You can always bet on him to worry about the mundane things such as school and work. I light up the bowl and inhale deeply and wave my hand dismissively. Now to somehow get Token to drop the subject pronto.

“Don’t worry about it. I got to leave early.”

“Yeah but why would you want to leave early when you get to work with your boooooooyfriend?” Clyde asks suggestively. I hate him for sometimes being able to connect the dots in situations. He can be so painfully simple minded the majority of the time but when you don’t want him to use his brain he’ll fucking use it. Outright irritating, it is.

“You guys are fighting aren’t you?” Token asks getting straight to the point. I flip them both off and pass the bong to Token. I may be irritated at them both but I still had smoker etiquette.

“What’d you do Craig?” Clyde asks, looking at me suspiciously. I scoff and cross my arms.

“Why do you assume I did something?”

“Because you love to piss people off,” Clyde flippantly points out. I hate to admit he’s kind of right.

“Fuck you and fuck your mom.” Don’t ask me why I insulted his mom. It just felt relevant.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Token asks gently. And there goes Mama Token, ready to play therapist and talk about your feelings.

“Fuck no and fuck both of you. Let’s get high.” I dismissively insist. The boys look at eachother questioningly before shrugging and turning the subject onto our upcoming camping trip tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Today was Friday and the day of the camping trip with everyone. The school day ended in a similar fashion to yesterday and then it was time for everyone to meet up and head out. I didn’t bother talking to Craig, Clyde and Token. Instead I opted to find Bebe and hitch a ride with her. I did at least text Craig my plans so that they wouldn’t wait for me.

Everyone was already packed to go camping and my parents said they’d cover the shop for Craig, Bebe and I so that we could have fun. All that was left was to start driving an hour away to a location the locals nicknamed Eureka. The plan was that Craig, Clyde and Token (and originally me) would take Clyde’s truck loaded with all the camping gear. Next Stan and Kyle and Wendy were going to drive up in Stan’s mom’s CRV. Then Bebe and Red were going to take Bebe’s convertible. That is until I begged Bebe to let me ride with her. Which she said was no problem at all. Craig never responded to my text which I figured was because it pissed him off. But the text said "read at 3:06 pm" so I know he saw it.

Which brings us halfway through our hour long drive to the river. I sat in the backseat with the two girls up front. They were currently gushing about boys. Red was trying her hardest to drop hints to Token to ask her out. I pointed out to her she could always just ask him out herself but she scoffs at the idea.

“The guy is supposed to ask the girl out,” Red insists as she looks over her shoulder at me. The convertible top is down and she practically has to scream to be heard over the wind. We were driving sixty some miles an hour.

“I feel like W-Wendy would disagree.” Is all I can think of to say. It was true though. Wendy was a raging feminist and always advocated for breaking the patriarchy.

“Wendy is just aggressive. She doesn’t understand the old fashioned way.”

“You know I asked Clyde out,” Bebe suddenly interjects. Both Red and I whip to stare at her surprised.

“What? Girl spill the tea!”

“Well technically he asked me out first like three times. Which I refused every time. But then, I don’t know. He was kind of sweet so I surprised him and asked him out,” the blonde explains.

“You call it sweet, I call it annoying.” Red bluntly points out. “Token on the other hand is well composed and a gentleman.”

“Okay, no-. We are not about to start comparing boy toys. Get out of here.” Bebe scoffs. I giggle from the back seat and thank the gods again that I was riding with the girls.

Truth be told I was pretty mad at Craig. The last thing I wanted to do was delve into past traumas with him and explain my dream. He couldn’t respect my boundaries and the fact I wanted to keep it to myself and I was honestly at wits end. If I had to be petty and avoid Craig then so be it.

The rest of the drive goes smoothly and Bebe turns on the radio. The last three miles of our drive is gravel road so Bebe puts up the top of her convertible so we don’t get covered in dust. It’s a steep road that follows down the side of a cliff down to water level. At the bottom of the ridge is a woodsy sandy area and a wide river.

We drive down the gravel road to the last camping spot. We’re the last to arrive and all the guys are already working on building camp. Bebe turns off the car and we pile out. The blonde flocks to her boyfriend and Red wanders off to Wendy’s side as she watches Stan and Kyle put up the tent. Clyde and Token are pulling the cooler out of Clyde’s truck. Craig is just standing off to the side staring off into space. Craig looks tired. He has bags under his eyes and his body is all sorts of tense. He didn’t look good to be honest. He must feel my eyes on him because his blue-gray eyes shift over to stare at me. I quickly look away and cross my arms self consciously. This was going to be a long trip if Craig and I weren’t talking.

is talking Clyde’s ear off as him and Token set the cooler down in front of the truck. I linger beneath Bebe’s car unsure of what to do. So instead I just watch. Clyde and Token start pulling out camping chairs and start setting them up in a circle around the fire pit. I count as they set them up and I’m honestly surprised that they brought enough for everyone. A part of me wonders if Token bought some just for the trip. It seemed like the type of thing he’d do.

The next forty minutes is spent as the two tents are set up and wood is gathered. It doesn’t take too long for camp to finish getting set up and for Clyde to start busting out the alcohol. He held a canned beer in his hand and took large sips of it boisterously. Pretty much bragging about his dude-ism.

“Let’s play a game.” Red insists as she makes a mixed drink of Hawaiian punch and vodka. I know we’re camping for two days but I was honestly surprised by how much alcohol and mixer everyone brought. There had to be two half gallons and three containers of Hawaiian punch. How much did they expect everyone to drink? Not to mention there was a 32 pack of beer. They did at least bring a multitude of water that I was sure would be enough.

“What game do you wanna play Babe?” Bebe questions as she leans heavily against her boyfriend.

“How about truth or dare?” Red asks eagerly. Kyle and Craig groan in unison. I glance over at Kyle who has his arms crossed and is tapping his foot.

“Please no,” Kyle moans. Stan elbows him.

“C’mon man. Don’t be lame,” he insists. Kyle rolls his eyes but has no more complaints.

“Who wants to go first?” Token asks.

“Oh me, me!” Clyde holds up his hand and hops up and down eagerly. “I say dare. Someone dare me.”

“Dare you to go home,” Craig mutters so quietly I almost don’t hear him from across the group. Clyde gasps dramatically and clutches his heart.

“Rude! You’re grounded Craig.” Said boy flips off Clyde.

“Hmmm, I dare you to shotgun the rest of that beer.” Wendy suddenly suggests. Clyde looks around at the circle of people and nods determinedly.

A mixed drink gets handed to me as Clyde pulls out a pocket knife and punctures a hole in the bottom of his beer. He sighs and holds the hole to his mouth and starts chugging. I take a sip of my drink and am surprised to find that it’s mixed fairly strongly. Watching Clyde shotgun a beer proves to be fairly entertaining as he ends up spilling at least half of it down his shirt and all over his face. He doesn’t lack enthusiasm though, that’s for sure.

Everyone is laughing and cheering on Clyde. I’m filled with anxiety over the whole dispute with Craig but this environment warms me up the slightest.

“Okay now truth or dare…” Clyde trails off as he looks around the group trying to decide who to pick on. He uses the sleeve of his lettermen to wipe the beer off his face. “Craig!”

“Oi fuck off,” is my boyfriends answer.

“Truth or dare Craig,” three or four people all say at once.

“Truth,” he reluctantly states with arms crossed sternly.

“Fuck marry kill Donald Trump, Bill Gates and Elon Musk?” Clyde asks while starting to howl from his own question. He was just crackling up with laughter. I would admit I was pretty eager to hear Craig’s response.

Craig looked ready to kill his best friend. To my surprise he sighs and goes along with it. “Obviously kill Donald Trump, fuck Elon Musk, and marry Bill Gates.” Everyone cracks up with his answer and even I find myself laughing quietly. “Truth or dare Stan,” Craig has a wicked look in his eye. It’s only now that I remember that Craig and Stan always end up fist fighting when they get drunk around each other. I wonder if that’s going to happen this weekend.

Stan stares back at Craig with an equally wicked stare. I had a feeling this was the beginning of a feud this weekend.

“Dare,” Stan insists.

“I dare you to take a shot of mustard.” Craig offers up. Stan winces but his expression shifts into cocky confidence quickly.

“Bring it on.”

“Wait!” Bebe calls. She runs over to the cooler and rummages through it for a second before she pulls out a red bottle. “I have some hot sauce. Do a shot of this instead of mustard.” Bebe has a sadistic smile on her face as she waves the little red bottle back and forth.

“Yes, yes. Good thinking blonde one.” Craig says as he snaps his fingers and points at Bebe. “I dare you to do a shot of that hot sauce shit.” Craig pauses, “if you’re not a pussy that is.”

“Bring it the hell on.” Stan instantly replies with no hesitation. Someone hands Bebe a shot glass and then the blonde is filling it to the brim with sauce.

“You don’t have to do this Stan,” Kyle hesitantly warns. Stan pays him no attention and is instead rubbing his hands together competitively.

“Oh god Babe you’re not kissing me for like hours after this. That stuff is nasty.” Wendy hisses as she pinches her nose shut next to Bebe. Bebe holds out the shot and Stan steps across the group to retrieve it.

Everyone starts counting down and at zero Stan Marsh throws back the shot glass and drinks it all. His reaction is near instantaneous. The shot glass is tossed back on the cooler roughly as Stan starts gagging. His face turns bright red and he leans over coughing up a mess of spit. His eyes and nose are running and in no way do I envy him. That shit looked downright painful.

A couple people ask the teenager if he’s okay and his only response is to hold up a thumb as he continues to cough. This satisfies everyone’s concern and the attention gets brought back to the game at hand.

“Kyle…” Stan says between choking coughs. “Truth or dare?”

“I swear to god I’m not taking a shot of hot sauce or anything remotely like that.” Kyle insists, waving his hands in front of his face.

“Don’t be chicken shit, pick truth or dare.” Clyde coos.

“Truth.” Kyle says as Stan takes a few moments to get his choking under control. He’s wheezing and the whole experience just looks so painful.

“Okay, when was the last time you cried?” Stan asks mischievously. Kyle’s face sours but he quickly tries to mask it with indifference.

“Probably a couple months ago. I don’t really remember, honest.” Kyle states looking earnest as fuck. Stan cackles and crosses his arms.

“Oh really because Captain Shankle didn’t die in the cartoon this very morning and you didn’t cry like a little girl.” Stan deadpans, obviously calling out Kyle. Kyle sputters and waves out his hand in dismissal.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Kyle insists.

“Sure.” Stan snickers. Everyone around the circle gets the idea Stan is suggesting and starts giggling themselves. Even I find myself giggling along to the nonsense which surprises me.

“Truth or dare Wendy.” Kyle growls, trying to be undisturbed by Stan’s attack.

“Bring it on. I say truth.” The feminine fatale insists.

“Fuck, okay…” Kyle trails off as he thinks for a moment. “What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth?”

Wendy baffles and chokes on her own spit. She tries to regain her own composure. “Good question Kyle…” She trails off. “Probably the doritos peach smoothie Bebe tried to make last year.” Everyone collectively gags except for the blonde herself who shrugs.

“It was good.” She insists.

“Truth or dare Token.” Wendy states. My dark skinned friend pauses and turns his attention towards the group.

“Dare,” Token states.

“I dare you to let Red rip a piece of duct tape off you from wherever she chooses." Wendy so eloquently states. Red turns- well- red and Bebe and Clyde are snickering. Token remains composed and simply raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"Is there even duct tape here?" He asks. Stan leaves the circle and opens up a plastic tub and rifles through it. Everyone watches expectantly, waiting to see what will happen. After thirty seconds he proudly holds up a roll of purple heavy duty tape.

"And I present, duct tape!" Everyone cheers and Stan walks across the circle and hands the roll to the blushing redhead.

"Well do your damage." Token sighs, admitting defeat. I smile slightly as Red tells Token to roll up his left pants leg. After doing so Red tears off a generous piece of tape and slaps it over Token's thick curly leg hair.

We could all see where this was going. The crowd counts down from ten and at zero the redhead rips off the tape eliciting a yowl from my dark skinned friend. Red proudly walks around the circle showing off the tape that was now covered in a blanket of hair.

The game continued on in this fashion with everyone eventually having a turn at least once or twice. I got asked what my favorite coffee was as my truth or dare which was a little disappointingly boring. But it proved to be a difficult question as I almost had a panic attack over the fact I simply couldn't pick one. Everyone laughed it off and let it go without me answering.

The worst dare was when Clyde got dared to eat a beetle and to everyone astonishment and horror he actually did it. Everyone heard the crunching and everything. By the time we were through with the game nearly two hours had passed and I had finished a total of two drinks. I was feeling pretty loose and giggly. I had kind of missed this feeling.

Currently Stan and Token were on cooking duty as they responsibly cooked hamburgers over the fire. Everyone else just kind of mingled as they continued drinking. I stood off to the side kind of just watching everyone but eventually I turned my gaze off to the water that was a good fifty feet away.

"Hiya Tweek!" A voice suddenly exclaimed in my ear as a hand slapped down on my shoulder. I jumped and let out a strangled shriek that luckily only Wendy noticed. She dismissed it though and turned back to her conversation with Kyle.

I turn to really look at who came up next to me. It was Clyde who looked laid back and not as drunk as I had thought he must have been when he chose to eat that damn beetle. He took a long swig of his beer and I mirrored him nervously. Obviously everyone had noticed that I wasn't acknowledging Craig but so far no one has said anything. I had a feeling that was about to change.

"Hi C-Clyde. How are y-you doing?" I ask sheepishly. I felt like a child caught for misbehaving. I was mentally preparing myself for a scolding.

"I'm doing absolutely fantastic. Like really, I'm golden. Got a little protein boost earlier, feeling all healthy and shit." I rolled my eyes and decided not to point out that eating bugs and drinking beer wasn't exactly healthy.

"That's g-good," I said tight lipped. I was really starting to tense up and at this point I wished I had brought along my special pills. But I had decided I wouldn't indulge on this trip and didn't even bring any to tempt myself with.

Clyde slides his hand across my shoulders and drapes his arm across my shoulders. He turns me and leads me towards the water. "Are you okay buddy? I'm worried about you." Clyde asked quietly once we were out of earshot from everyone else. I sighed heavily and looked down at my drink.

"I'm fine." I choke out.

Honestly I didn't really know how I felt. I was kind of just going through the motions. I had no idea what I was doing. At this point I had just decided to get drunk and deal with life later. Conflict always left me with a heavy feeling in my stomach.

"No Tweek, really. Craig hasn't told us anything but it's pretty obvious you two got into a fight. Just because you two aren't talking doesn't mean you have to avoid Token and I too." Clyde looked me sincerely in the eye and I swallowed heavily. I looked away and over his shoulder I met eyes with Craig who was openly watching us. When our eyes met we both stubbornly looked away.

"You're right. I'm s-sorry." Clyde gasps and waves his hands in front of him.

"No, no, no don't apologize. I'm just worried about you. Token is too. Look we don't gotta talk about what happened between you two. I just wanted to check in with you." Clyde explained. I was honestly really touched by his action. I had been on my own for so long it felt nice for someone to be looking out for me. I smile at Clyde, really meaning it this time. I had to choke back the feeling of tears. Is this what it felt like having friends? I was filled with so much warmth at Clyde’s concern.

"Thank y-you Clyde." I lift up my drink and chug the rest of it. Clyde mirrors me and when he finishes he crumples his can.

"Alright let's get back to everyone. And this time you're not gonna stand off to the side by yourself. Screw Craig," Clyde said with a wink. I smiled and nodded, following Clyde back towards everyone else. Clyde comes to a stop next to his girlfriend and I turn toward them both and listen to them talk. An arm slings across my shoulder and for a moment I think it’s Craig and my heart practically stops. But when I glance up I’m startled to see blonde hair and warm blue eyes staring down at me.

“K-Kenny!”

“Heya Tweekers. Miss me?” The blonde is smiling cheekily. His usual backpack slung over his shoulder.

“What are y-you doing here?” I ask genuinely confused. I couldn’t recall Kenny being invited on this trip. Why - I don’t know.

“How did you get here?” Clyde asks, looking impressed, having just now noticed him. Bebe smiled at us widely.

“Oh you know, a little birdy flew me.” Kenny mysteriously states. I laughed nervously and wished I had refilled my drink already. “Didn’t think you could go camping without me did ya?” Kenny elbows me playfully. I rub my arm where he elbowed me.

“Of course not. No party would be complete without Kenny McCormick.” Bebe says with a chuckle. Kenny puffs out his chest and nods stiffly.

“Damn straight. How are things going at the shop? Is it falling apart without my charming presence?" Kenny whimsically questions. Bebe and I both roll our eyes at the same time.

"We're managing just fine. Don't forget I used to work there way before you did." Bebe reminds him. Kenny waves it off with his hand.

"Small details. I'm sure what's really being neglected is poor Tweekers. You missing me, aren't ya?" I glance over at the tall blonde male next to me and smile shyly.

I still see Kenny at school but I missed spending hours with him at work getting really high and entertaining ourselves with the silliest things. "A-Always," I murmur.

"Now, my real question. Why isn’t anybody stoned yet? I know I sold y’all an ounce.” Kenny points out looking amused. He magically produces a fat blunt and a lighter. I instantly straighten up feeling eager.

“Smoke circle!” Clyde hollers with a loud whoop whoop. Everyone herds back into a circle around Token and Stan who are still faithfully grilling.

The blunt gets passed around the circle until it goes out right about when dinner is finished. Everyone refilled their drinks, loaded their plates and took a seat. Kenny opted for the cooler as we were now short a chair. Conversation was kept light and playful as everyone ate.

By the time everyone finished eating the sun was beginning to set over the horizon. Everyone was gradually getting intoxicated. Nobody was really wasted yet but Bebe kind of swayed when she walked and Clyde was already shedding his jacket. Everyone has accepted Kenny's sudden mysterious arrival with ease and now the local drug dealer floated from person to person being extra boisterous today.

"Let's go to King's hill!" The blonde exclaims happily. Clyde, Stan, Red and Bebe all cheer their agreements. Everyone else looks a little less convinced.

"I don't feel like puking tonight," Kyle points out. I question what this means but in my intoxicated state I dismiss it fairly quickly.

"That's half the fun! C’mon at least drive over there with us. We can all pile into my truck and drive over there." Clyde offers.

"Well I'm down babe." Bebe says while nodding.

"Fuck it, let's go. We have to find something to do." This comes from Wendy who has a slight slur to her words.

"Alright but I'm driving. I'm probably the most sober," Token points out. He steps up to Clyde and holds out his hand. Clyde drops his keys in Token's hand with a disappointed frown.

"Fineeeeee."

"This will be good. I bet I can make it to the top first." Stan says as he starts walking to the red truck. He's rubbing his hands together and has a competitive glare in his eye.

I'm surprised at who speaks next. "Not if I get there first," Craig casually drops. I finally allow myself to look at the noirette which isn't easy. He's standing next to Token and has one hand stuffed in his jacket pocket and the other holding his drink. He's smirking at Stan who has rifled up and started spewing insults. It looks like I was right about this feud between them.

"Bring it on Tucker." Stan spits. Craig turns and flips off Stan as he heads to the truck. My boyfriend claims the front seat and disappears from sight. Token sighs and shakes his head. As if accepting what just happened he heads to the truck himself.

That leaves everyone else to climb into the bed of Clyde’s truck. Stan climbs in first, claiming the left back corner. Wendy climbs in on his left. They both have to scrunch up their legs to make room for everyone else. Then Clyde, Bebe, Kenny, Red and Kyle all climbed in as well. I ended up in between Bebe and Kenny.

Kyle who was on the end of the bed of the truck pulls up the latch, securing us all back there. Stan slaps the side of the truck and calls out to Token that we were ready. With the sound of crunching gravel the truck lurches to a start and takes off down the road. The wind whips at my hair and I sip from my drink as I take in the sights around me.

“I’m glad you came with us,” Bebe suddenly says as she leans over into me. I glance over at her in surprise and smile hesitantly.

“Me t-too.” Bebe looped her arm around my shoulders and I leaned into her, enjoying the contact.

My sense of time is distorted and I can’t tell how long we’re on the road for. Instead of driving back up the cliff side road we took to get down to water level we follow a gravel road that follows the cliff line. After a while of this we finally came to a stop.

As we all jump out of the truck I look to our left at a large steep gravel hill. The gravel was so fine it was almost as if it was sand. I had to guess this was the infamous King’s hill. To our right is a radio tower that stretches a solid forty feet up into the air.

“W-We’re climbing this?” I ask Kyle who is closest to me. The redhead empties his red solo cup with one final drink and throws it into the bed of the truck.

“Yeah. It’s sort of a tradition. Everyone will race to the top. It’s got a reputation though. It’s impossible to climb to the top without puking when you’ve been drinking.” Kyle explains. I swallow nervously and eye the top of the hill. You could barely make it out with your bare eye from down here.

“You don’t always puke. I didn’t puke one time,” Stan points out.

“Wow, color me impressed. You just puke every other time.” Kyle says sarcastically.

“Hey! I see something up there!” Clyde suddenly exclaims. I try to spot whatever he’s looking at on top of the hill but I can’t see anything up there. It takes me several moments to realize that everyone is actually looking up at the radio tower. And sure enough probably fifteen feet up there is a black bundle nestled into the crook of the tower.

“What is it?” Craig asks.

“I can’t tell. Maybe a bag?” Wendy suggests. She steps up closer to the tower so that she’s almost directly underneath this mysterious object.

“No, I think it’s a shirt.” Token says.

“Well that settles it. Who’s gonna climb up there and find out what it is?” Kenny playfully asks.

“Don’t be ridiculous, that's dangerous.” Red criticizes.

“Oh, me me me!” Clyde has begun jumping up and down as he waves his arms around.

“No babe, you’ll hurt yourself.” Bebe says.

“I’ll be fine. It’s of the utmost importance I get that black thing down. I can so do it. I used to climb trees when I was a kid.”

“You also used to fall out of a bunch of trees when you were a kid.” Craig deadpans. Clyde dismisses the comment and puts his hands around one of the criss crossing bars five feet up. He hoists himself up and stands up where his hands were just a moment ago.

Stan, Craig and Token make a bet on whether or not Clyde will fall. Craig said most definitely while Stan and Token bet opposite. I watch nervously as Clyde climbs. It was honestly giving me a lot of anxiety and when I looked around at the faces of everyone around me I seem to be the only one with these feelings.

Finally Clyde climbs up so that his face is level with the black object. “Hey! It’s a raccoon nest!” He says cheerfully. A mix of horror and amusement is chorused around the group.

“Get the hell-” Bebe’s demand is interrupted with a loud growling and Clyde screaming. And then to everyone’s horror Clyde falls straight backwards. He lands on his back with a groan. “Clyde!”

“Woah dude. You okay?” Stan asks, walking up to the brunette. Clyde groans again and weakly holds up a shaky thumb. It's only now that I notice parallel scratches running across Clyde’s left cheek. It would seem he literally got attacked by the raccoon.

“Pay up.” Craig’s monotone voice states a few people away from me.

Stan helps Clyde up and he instantly starts brushing all the dirt and sticks off of his clothes. “Well I told you guys I could climb up there,” Clyde points out with a shrug. He somehow seems unaffected by what just happened, meanwhile my heart was thundering in my chest.

“You are fucking rediculous.” Mama Token groans.

“Let’s just start our climb. It’s gonna take a while.” Wendy suggests. Everyone agrees and I quickly down the rest of my drink so I can make the climb empty handed.

With that Craig and Stan start practically running up the hill. Except the comical part is with the sandy gravel for every three steps forward they’ll slide back down one. This looked like it was going to be a work out.

The girls start cheering as they much more slowly start walking up. I follow in the back with Kenny who is carrying his backpack. I almost ask why he’s bothering to bring it but decide against it last second.

I know my sense of time is distorted but I know for a fact our climbing takes us at least an hour. We all climb in relative silence, instead focusing on the willpower to ascend. It’s when we’re about three quarters of the way up that people start puking, starting with Bebe. I thought I was safe until suddenly my heaving panting turned into dry heaving and then eventually I puked up my drink.

By the time we all make it to the top it is completely dark out. Thankfully the moon is full and lights up the area fairly well. The area is flattened out and is packed with real dirt so we're no longer sliding around. Out here away from town the stars shine brilliantly. I’m staring up at them literally starstruck when suddenly a large bang goes off twenty feet away from me.

I jump and scream, desperately looking around for the source of the noise. No one else looked concerned but I was trying to figure out if someone had brought a freaking gun or something. When another pop goes off in the distance I see bright red light out of the corner of my eye and realize with awe what was happening.

Fireworks.

Kenny had brought fireworks in his backpack and was now a little bit away from the group and was lighting them off. He was currently bent over another firework and was in the process of lighting it. I watch as he jogs several feet away from it and a few moments later with a loud pop it shoots off into the sky.

I crane my head back to get a proper look this time since I missed the last one. Fireworks tended to give me anxiety with all the explosions but right now in my intoxicated state it was just beautiful. Something about the bright colors contrasting with the dark sky and bright stars was really captivating.

I'm a bit far off from the group, having isolated myself once again. So it comes to a total surprise when I feel the presence of a person behind my right shoulder. "Hey," a soft voice says. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. I swivel around and look up into stormy blue-gray eyes that are staring at me intensely.

"C-Craig," I stutter, honestly surprised. I knew from growing up we could both be pretty stubborn so I hadn't expected him to talk to me at all tonight.

"Look I'm-" Craig’s words are covered up with the sound of another firework going off. But the individual in front of me is much more distracting than the flashing lights.

"What?" I ask confused at what Craig had been trying to say. In the background I could hear the drunk shouting off my friends and my intoxicated brain was going back and forth in dividing its attention.

"I said I'm sorry," Craig begins softly. He reaches out and carefully takes my hand and I let him. If I thought I was starstruck earlier it was nothing compared to how I felt now looking at one Craig Tucker. The wind ruffles his black hair sending his bangs into his eyes that he brushes away in an absent minded manner. "I shouldn't have tried to force you to tell me what's wrong. At first I got really angry because I just didn't understand why you were hiding it from me but then I realized you wouldn't be doing it without a good reason."

It suddenly gets hard to swallow and for the second time today I get overwhelmed with emotions. I reach up with my free hand and tug at my hair but Craig automatically reaches out and pulls my fingers free of the wiry locks. He laces his fingers through mine.

"You don't have to tell me what's going on until you're ready." Craig softly murmurs. Another firework goes off followed in succession by another one seconds later. This time I allow myself to look up at the sky and watch the blossoming of a red one followed by a blue one. I feel Craig’s eyes watching my face but I try to ignore the anxiety that gives me.

As the fireworks fade from existence I drag my eyes down to my lovers face and smile slowly. "Thank y-you Craig." I let go of one of his hands and reach up to grab his neck and pull him down to my level. He seemed to understand what I was doing and in my drunken state I felt much more confident than usual.

As more fireworks exploded above us our lips met in a desperate plea to establish that we were okay. I don’t think either of us cared at the moment that we both threw up half an hour ago but instead focused only on eachother. The way his lips moved against mine told me that he had been just as upset about this silly little fight as I had been. And more than anything the closeness warmed my soul.

As the lights above us fade out we pull apart, eyes locked on eachother. I put my free hand on his cheek and stroke it slightly with my thumb. This makes Craig smile one of those all too rare grins. Finally I pull my hand away and anxiously grab my elbow.

"I'll tell y-you about it when I'm r-ready. I just can't y-yet. I'm sorry I just-" My boyfriend interrupts me with a finger to my lips.

"Shh, it's okay. Don't apologize. We're good again and that's all that matters." Craig and I stay leaning against each other a bit of a ways away from the group until Kenny runs out of fireworks. With that it was time to start our descent down the hill.

"This is the fun part," Craig tells me. "Just jump instead of taking a step, ok?" I nodded at him while not quite understanding why.

That is until I took my first step/jump down the hill and instead of moving down a couple feet my feet slid through the gravel and I had moved forward a solid six feet. I laugh and realize everyone else around me is laughing too as they hop and race down the hill.

I feel like a vampire from Twilight with how fast we all make it down the hill. By the time we all reach the bottom I'm breathless and I feel exhilarated. Craig takes my hand and leads me to the cabin of the truck and we climb up front next to Token and start heading to camp.

When we get back it's back to drinking and things are a little wild. I had been enjoying myself before but now that Craig and I were talking again I was just ecstatic. I was no longer filled with that heavy feeling in my stomach.

An hour after getting back to camp Stan is shit faced and trying to fight Craig. Clyde had somehow abandoned all of his clothes except for socks and shoes and was now running around in his underwear. Kenny was firewalking- which I've never seen before and let me just say it's terrifying. It's where you literally walk across the fire, preferably stepping on the less burning pieces of wood.

The girls have set up a speaker and are blasting cheesy 2000s pop songs off of it. Kyle and Token were actually talking about their calculus class (why, I have no idea).

After spending so many days apart Craig and I are practically glued to each other's side. I love it because every time he has some snarky comment to make he'll lean down and whisper it in my ear. As I continue to get more drunk he's a pillar by my side keeping me upright. With Craig by my side the night feels complete.

Chapter Text

The next morning we woke up rather early considering how late we were up. The sun warmed our tents and was our alarm clock for the day. We all got up with mild hangovers and started making eggs and sausage for breakfast. Bebe and Wendy cooked while Token and Stan made coffee over the fire.

Kenny loaded up a pipe and started passing around the weed. Kyle had a book open and was leaning against a tree reading of all things. Craig and I were blissfully sitting close together just silently enjoying each other’s presence.

The pipe gets passed to me and I take a deep inhale before passing it to my boyfriend. Clyde walks over to the vodka and to my astonishment starts pouring shots for everyone. Bebe having noticed her boyfriend’s antics is horrified.

“Babe, what are you doing? It’s like eight am and we’re all hung over!”

“Well you know what they say… The best way to get rid of a hangover is to drink some more!” Clyde exclaims with way too much energy. I glance over at Craig and our eyes meet. He has a horrified expression mixed with impressiveness.

“Dude, I wish I had your energy. You’re like a chihuahua,” Craig deadpans. Clyde scoffs and shrugs off the comment.

“Get all your asses over here and take this shot with me.”

“I’m game,” Token says much to all of our astonishment. He stands up from the fire and walks over to Clyde. After a moment Stan joins him.

“C’mon Wendy, it’s just a part of the fun of camping,” Stan coaxes. With some hesitation Wendy joins him and once she walks over there Bebe and Red can’t resist joining them. Kenny without a doubt joins the group.

That just leaves Craig, Kyle and I.

“We might as well join the fun,” Craig says standing up. He holds his hand out towards me to help me up and I reluctantly take it. I didn’t know how I felt about taking a shot this early. But if it made me feel nearly as good as I did last night I suppose I could deal.

“Kyle,” Stan whines. “Put down the book and don’t be a party pooper.”

“You guys realize we literally just woke up, right?”

“It’s in the party spirit man. You just got to go with it.”

Wendy marches over to Kyle and grabs his arm, forcing him up. She drags him over to the group with many protests from Kyle. She pinches his arm and crosses her arms.

“You never have any fun with us. Just go with the flow for once Kyle. You won’t regret it,” Wendy chastised.

Kyle in the end relents and we all take up a shot glass and hold it up in the air. Clyde toasts the party gods and then we’re throwing back the liquid fire. A few people choke slightly on the shot and even I’m wishing I had something to chase it with.

Now that the shot was done with everyone splits up to go back to their delegated tasks. It doesn’t take much longer for breakfast and coffee to finish up. We all eat in companionable silence with a few comments from Clyde here and there.

After breakfast we wait a little while for our food to settle. After another two hours had passed it was nearing noon and Clyde called out that it was time for the shot olympics.

“It’s simple. We line up a total of ten shots and then we each take turns taking as many shots as we can. Who ever takes the most wins,” Clyde explains. I grimace at the prospect but to my surprise everyone actually seems down.

Clyde pours out ten shots and then Wendy decides she’ll go first. People cheer her on as she throws back a total of five shots before she’s coughing and cringing. She backs away from the cooler covered in shot glasses as she waves her hand in front of her face.

“Nice effort girl,” Bebe tells her.

“I’ll go next,” Stan declares as he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. Clyde pours out the remaining five shots and then Stan takes position. He throws back seven shots before he has to call it quits.

This goes on in a similar fashion. Bebe takes six shots, Red takes four, Kyle takes four, Token takes six, Clyde takes eight, I take six, Craig and Kenny manages to take all ten. Everyone declares Craig and Kenny the winners which they look unsatisfied about. It’d seem they’d only be satisfied if there was only one winner.

After playing shot olympics we’re all pretty tipsy and the girls decide we should all go swimming. Everyone agrees and changes into their swimsuits. The girls run into the water first as they squeal about the frigid temperatures. Kenny follows them in as he carries one of the freshly opened half gallons of vodka. One by one everyone gets in the water until it’s just Craig and I standing on the shore.

Craig glances at me with a shy smile and takes my hand and squeezes it. “Shall we?”

I watch as to my surprise Craig peels off his shirt. I admire the sight in front of me that I rarely get to see. I was honestly amazed Craig took off his shirt and was revealing his staggering row of scars on his torso. Our eyes meet and his smile warms my insides. Feeling rather bold and admittedly intoxicated, I work up the courage to take off my own long sleeved shirt.

I rarely showed my scarred arms to the world and I feel self conscious being on display but Craig helps give me the courage I need. Craig grabs my hand again and takes a step towards the water, tugging me along.

“Atta boy. You got this. It’s not so scary, is it?” I want to nod my head yes at Craig’s question but instead I shake my head no.

We wade into the water and I watch with amusement as the girls splash each other. Kenny hands the vodka to Clyde who starts to take a shot. I look away from those two and watch Token, Stan and Kyle who are conversing calmly as they stand in water up to their chests.

Suddenly I feel hands on my shoulders and my legs give out as I’m dunked underneath the water. I pop up sputtering and swivel around to see Kenny laughing. His laughing is interrupted when Craig retaliates for me and dunks Kenny back. Kenny emerges from the surface as he coughs up water.

“You deserved that McCormick,” Craig points out with a smirk. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I lean into the warmth gratefully. I felt ten times colder now that I was completely soaked.

Clyde waddles over to us and he reaches out and rubs the top of my head. He has a lazy grin on his face.

“You know Tweek, I think your hair is even more wild when it’s wet. And here I thought you styled you hair everyday.”

“J-Jesus, no way man. Do you k-know how much work that’d b-be? I’m no g-good at that kind of s-stuff,” I point out nervously with a small smile. Clyde laughs and shoves the vodka into my arms that he had taken from Kenny a few moments prior.

“Take a shot Tweekers!”

I look down at the bottle hesitantly but relent and decide I might as well take one. I screw off the lid and toss the bottle back and swallow a mouthful, wincing the entire time. When I’m done Craig holds out his hand for the bottle and I pass it to him.

“Boo yeah! Craigifer is getting down,” Kenny cheers. Craig looks up as he tips back the bottle and flips off Kenny. I’m pretty sure Craig disliked being called Craigifer.

“We should play Chicken!” Bebe suddenly exclaims loudly. Theres a chorus of agreement.

“Instead of playing two on two we should just do a big war with everyone. With all five teams,” Red supplied.

“That is a brilliant idea.” Stan agrees.

“Split up into teams!” Clyde exclaims.

Wendy climbs onto Stan’s shoulders, Bebe on Clyde’s, Red on Token’s and then Kyle on Kenny’s. Craig crouches down in front of me and pats his shoulders.

“C’mon Tweekers. Climb on up.”

I frown and shake my head. “I’m g-gonna fall!” Craig laughs whole heartedly and looks over his shoulder at me.

“That’s kind of the point babe.” My heart swells at the pet name. “We’re in water, it won’t hurt if you fall.”

“P-Promise?”

“Pinkie promise.” He holds out his pinkie and I wrap my own around his finger. We break apart and Craig crouches down again and I hesitantly climb onto his shoulders not at all gracefully.

The five different teams face each other in a showdown to see who will move first. With a battle cry Clyde moves first, propelling him and Bebe towards Token and Red. The girls start wrestling in an attempt to knock each other down. Stan and Wendy move next, moving towards Craig and I. I embarrassingly squeal in surprise as Wendy reaches out and shoves at me.

“Y’all are not leaving us out!” Kenny exclaims as he comes barreling at us. Him and Kyle storm up and Kyle pushes at Wendy. She tips slightly but doesn’t fall. It turns into Kyle, Wendy and I blindly attempting to push each other over.

I hear a splash and a scream and I glance over to see Red and Token falling over into the water. Clyde and Bebe turn and start ambling over towards the rest of us. Bebe has her eyes on me and I feel dread wash over me as the two of them come straight towards Craig and I.

“I’m looking at you Tweek!” Bebe exclaims with a maniacal laugh. I squeal as her hands land on my shoulders and she twists her arms in an attempt to tip me over. I reach out and grab her arms and try to wrestle her backwards. The struggle goes on for a few minutes until finally Bebe gets in an extra hard push and I feel myself tipping backwards into the water.

My head barely ducks underneath the surface before Craig reaches out and pulls me up. He’s laughing and the feeling is infectious and I join in. He pulls me towards him and I lean against his chest which leaves me feeling fuzzy. Craig seems almost to be more touchy since our fight and I could understand why. I had missed him during that time we weren’t talking and I had a feeling he felt the same way.

I look over as Bebe knocks Wendy over and then it’s just Kyle and Bebe facing off.

“What’d you think?” Craig asks me.

“Not t-that bad. It was k-kind of fun.”

“Good.” Craig leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my temple and I feel a blush breakout on my skin.

“You’re not winning today!” Bebe roars. I look over as she gives an extra hard shove to Kyle and he topples over into the water.

“Bebe and Clyde are cheating.” Kenny whines. Kyle starts desperately splashing in the water and coughing up a storm. Kenny chuckles and reaches out to pluck him out of the water. “You drowning Kyle?” Kyle glares at Kenny and shakes his head no.

“We are not. We’re just that much more awesome than you.” Clyde points out to Kenny’s previous complaint. Bebe slides off his shoulders and her boyfriend slings an arm over her shoulders.

“It’s true. We just make the best couple,” Bebe boasts.

“It’s just because Bebe has freaky strong upper body strength. It’s unnatural really.” Red flippantly points out. Bebe flexes to prove Red’s point and there was an honestly impressive muscle mass there. It wasn’t expected from the blonde.

“It’s just because she’s a cheerleader.” Wendy says with a shrug.

In the distance we hear the horn of a train. Kenny, Stan and Clyde’s heads snap over in the direction of the train and it strikes me as odd.

“It’s time! There’s a train. We gotta go guys.” Stan insists.

“Oh god that’s so dangerous. I’m not going,” Kyle declares.

“Fine but we’re going.” Clyde says as he grabs Bebe’s hand. He drags her out of the water and the rest of us follows. I grab Craig’s arm and he looks down at me.

“What are t-they talking a-about?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of c-course I do.”

“Then we’re going to have some excitement. It’ll be kind of scary for you but it’ll be fun. I promise. Now c’mon.” Craig leads me over to our shoes and we shove our feet into them. Everyone sans Kyle takes off down the gravel road towards the rail road tracks at the entrance to the camping area. We all run in our swimsuits and shoes and I feel oddly exposed even though we’re the only people here.

We make it to the rail road tracks with us all heaving for breaths. We beat the train and I see it a few hundred feet away slowly chugging its way towards us. My heart is pounding in my chest and I’m shaking slightly in anticipation over whatever mysterious activity we’re going to do.

The train finally arrives and I watch horrified as Kenny starts jogging alongside it. He reaches out and grabs onto the side of the train and hefts himself onto the back of a train cart. Everyone else starts jogging to follow after him but I stay rooted in my place. Craig puts his hand on my lower back and nudges me forward slightly.

“It’s okay Tweek. It’s going slower than it looks. You’ll be okay.” I nod and apprehensively start jogging with Craig. One by one we all hop onto the back of the train cart and climb the ladder to the top of the train cart. I go second to last and I’m sure I’m going to fail until I grab onto the train and jump forward and miraculously land where I want to. I climb onto the ladder and Craig lunges next to me.

I hoist myself up the ladder and the top I’m to scared to stand even though everyone else is standing at the top laughing at the feeling of the wind on their face. I crawl over off to the side and sit down and look out in the distance. A moment later Craig joins me and sits down next to me. He takes my hand and I’m grateful for some kind of reassurance. I’ll admit the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair was relaxing and the view of the world zipping past us was thrilling.

“H-How many times h-have you done t-this?” I ask Craig. He shrugs lazily and looks over at me with a wicked grin.

“A number of times. What do you think?”

“It’s t-terrifying.”

“That’s it?”

“Terrifying a-and exhilarating,” I stutter.

“Exactly. But nothing makes you feel quite alive like this does it?” I shake my head and lean slightly into my boyfriend for warmth.

“How w-will we get o-off?”

“It’s a surprise. But don’t worry it’s not that dangerous.”

“I d-don’t believe y-you.” Craig throws his head back and laughs. He looks at me coyly and winks.

“Don’t worry Tweek. I promise you it’s easier than it was climbing up here.”

We sit in silence for a little while just enjoying the moment. In the background I hear everyone else talking and laughing but I’m content to spend the moment with Craig. Eventually we approach a bridge over water and Craig stands up and gestures for me to stand up too. I shake my head and Craig sighs.

“Come on Tweek. It’s okay. I’ll be right here.” He takes my hand and helps me stand up and I don’t think I’ve ever been this terrified. We start to pass over the bridge and I scream in surprise as Kenny suddenly launches himself past me and over the side of the train cart. He lands with a splash into the water as he loudly whoops.

One by one everyone jumps into the water until it’s just Craig and I. He looks at me with a wide smile and turns toward the side of the train cart. He reaches out and takes my hand. “On three Tweek, ok? You can’t hesitate you just have to jump. It’ll be okay. Okay? Good. One… Two… Three!” We step forward and jump off the side of the cart and a scream rips through my throat as my stomach does flip flops at the feeling of falling. I squeeze my eyes shut as we hit the water.

Craig lets go of my hand so that we can properly swim. I pop up to the top of the water and look over at Craig as he pops up too. He laughs at my horrified expression and swims forward. He grabs the back of my head and tilts his head to the side. I close my eyes as our lips meet. With the adrenaline still coursing through my blood the kiss feels like fireworks. Time seems to slow and nothing else matters besides Craig and I.

We break apart and Craig gestures for me to follow him and together we swim to catch up with everyone else who was about fifty feet away from us. We make it over to them and Kenny grins at me and swims over to my side.

“What did you think Tweek? Pretty great right?”

“Y-Yeah, it kind of w-was. Terrifying though,” I point out. Kenny reaches out and rubs my hair and I duck under water to avoid his touch. I emerge to the surface as Kenny laughs.

“We should start heading back to camp. It’ll be an hour walk and it’s about time for dinner.” Token explains.

“Yeah I’m starving,” Stan admits.

“You’re always hungry.” Wendy admonishes.

“It’s ‘cause I’m a football player.”

We start swimming towards the shore and we all crawl out of the water. With water logged shoes we start making our way back to camp. Conversation is kept light and playful. Craig and I remain relatively silent as we walk behind everyone else hand in hand. It sure enough took an hour to make it back to camp even though we were on the train for probably only fifteen minutes. When we get to camp Kyle stands up and sets his book down.

“Have fun?” He asks us.

“You missed out Kyle. You always skip out on the best parts,” Kenny says.

“No I skip out on the recklessly dangerous parts. One of you guys could have easily died.”

The comment from Kyle sends a wave of dread over me. Never in my life would I have thought I would have climbed onto a moving train and jumped off of it into a body of water. Pretty sure that would have been on my long list of fears. Yet I actually did something reckless for once. And surprisingly enough I didn’t regret it. In fact I had fun. The thought left me feeling breathless.

“Who wants to make dinner?” Stan asks as he pulls on his shirt. Craig and I walk over to retrieve our own shirts and pull them on. By now we were all dry thanks to the late summer heat.

“Bebe, Red and I will,” Wendy volunteers.

The girls set off to start cooking as the rest of us gather around. Clyde, who somehow had been deemed our bartender, started making us all drinks. I take the cup of Hawaiian punch mixed with vodka gratefully. By now I had sobered up a great deal and was craving the feeling of intoxication. I start sipping my drink as Kenny pulls out a blunt. We start smoking as Stan pulls out a portable speaker and starts blasting some music.

Token appears by my side and when I look up at him he smiles down at me. Craig had disappeared to go talk to Clyde which means I was left alone with Token. The two of us hadn’t spoken at all this entire trip and it felt much over due to finally exchange words.

“How are you feeling Tweek?”

“I-I’m fine!” I exclaim nervously. I rethink my words and decide to correct them. “I’m h-having fun actually. I d-didn’t expect to have s-so much fun.”

“Good. Me too. I don’t go out as much as everyone but it’s nice to let loose every once in a while.” I don’t know what to say so I simply nod. “I see you and Craig are talking again.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“What were you guys fighting about anyways? He wouldn’t talk about it.” Just like Mama Token to play the role of concerned supportive friend.

“It w-was something s-stupid.”

“Want to talk about it?” He asks softly.

“I woke h-his entire house up by s-screaming when I had a n-nightmare. Craig w-wanted to know what m-my dream was about b-but I won’t tell h-him so he got mad.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell him about your dream?” Our eyes meet and the concern in his eyes makes me feel squeamish.

“The dream i-is a private o-one. I’ll probably t-tell him about i-it eventually. I’m j-just not ready y-yet.”

“And I take it he finally got that through his thick skull?” Token asks sounding amused. I giggle softly and nod.

“Y-Yeah I guess so.”

“Well I’m glad you guys are talking again. Things just don’t feel the same without you around. We got used to having you back pretty quickly.”

“O-Oh.”

“Yeah you-” he cuts off once he notices Clyde with a firework in his hand and a lighter in the other hand. “Clyde put that the hell down! This is not the area to be lighting fireworks.” Token takes a step towards our offending friend but pauses to look back at me. “Don’t be a stranger Tweek.” Token winks and then takes off towards Clyde.

We finish smoking the blunt and take our time sipping our drinks. Dinner finally finishes cooking and we all sit down on various chairs to eat. Dinner passes smoothly and then we get back to drinking and being boisterous. The night passes in a drunken blur. I laugh so much my stomach hurts and feel myself bonding with all of my nine other friends. I even had some bonding moments with Kyle who used to intimidate the hell out of me before this trip.

Eventually at some point in the night we all slowly enter out tents to pass out. I sleep pressed into Craig’s side and the slumber is peaceful and leaves me feeling fully rested. In the morning we’re all much more hungover than we were the day before but none of us could find it in ourselves to regret it. We all had a great time and that was evident by the smiles on our faces. The entire camping trip made me feel so warm and whole. It was a feeling I wasn’t used to.

We eat breakfast and drink coffee then we’re packing up the camp site and piling into cars to make the hour journey home. This time I ride with Craig, Clyde, and Token. All of us except Clyde is to tired to really talk but the brunette has no shortage for words as he tells stories and jokes around. Craig threatens him more than once due to his splitting headache from his hang over.

When we get to town Craig comes over to my house and together we climb the stairs to my room. In my room we smoke a bowl of weed and then climb into bed to take a much needed nap.

Chapter Text

Returning to school after camping felt like a chore. The reprieve from societal expectations was much welcomed and coming back to an institution where there were just so many god damn expectations was exhausting. By third period I wanted to drop kick everyone who came my way. Things are better with Tweek at least, thank god. We can’t hang out at my house anymore, since I’m technically grounded but once the school day ends we take shelter in his room for the night.

It’s currently the Thursday following our camping trip and I’m sitting in Tweek’s room as he fidgets around the space picking up and putting down various objects. I think he’s looking for something but who the hell knows. I swipe through my phone aimlessly, looking at one stupid facebook post after another. I honestly don’t know why I bother with the app considering it’s a shit show. It’s out of boredom I think.

“F-Found it!” Tweek suddenly exclaims sounding proud as hell. I lock my phone and set it down to glance up at the haphazard blonde. He holds a polaroid camera in his hand that sparks a vague memory of him twenty minutes ago saying something about looking for it. He ambles over and sits down on the edge of the bed next to me. He looks up at me through his bangs with a shy smile. A wave of adoration sweeps through me and I resist doing anything about it.

“Yeah, you found it alright,” I say lamely. I’m honestly unsure what else to say but I kind of dread what comes next. I’m guessing he wants to take a photo and don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t mind having a photo of Tweek and I but I loathe taking pictures. I’ve never been to keen on how I look in photographs and smiling for a camera has always just felt awkward to me.

“C-Can we take a p-picture?”

“Of course,” I tell my boyfriend. Because let’s be honest. I’d give this boy practically anything. Especially after our fight just last week. I still feel guilty over that. I had felt justified as fuck at first. We’re dating and I thought that meant telling your partner shit but after Ruby, of all people, said something to me about people having boundaries it kind of clicked. There are certain things I don’t feel ready telling Tweek yet and I had to respect the fact that he also has things he’s not ready to tell me. So yeah. Point is, I feel like an asshole and I kind of want to make it up to him somehow.

“You’re n-not gonna smile a-are you?” Tweek asks with a cheeky grin. I elbow him in the ribs and roll my eyes.

“Fuck no.”

“Figures,” Tweek mutters coyly. “Oh well, c-c’mere.”

I lean against Tweek and after a moment of hesitation I sling my arm over his shoulders. Tweek lifts the camera to an angle and aims it at us. He’s smiling brightly at the camera and that smile just does things to me. Like fuck. My stomach flips and my throat feels all tight and shit. I flip off the camera but I can’t tear my eyes from Tweek as he snaps the photo and momentarily blinds us with the flash.

Tweek lowers the camera and angles his head towards me as he wears that same brilliant smile. I don’t remove my arm around his shoulders and instead tighten my grasp. I pull him towards me and his lips part in surprise. Our eyes meet and I watch as his gaze flickers to my lips and back to my eyes. Now I’m smiling as I lean in and press my lips against his.

The kiss starts slow and sweet. Just an exchange of likeness. But gradually it grows heated as his lips part and I eagerly dart my tongue into his wet cavern and explore his taste buds. One thing that surprises me about Tweek is he’s actually a pretty damn good kisser. A little sloppy but it’s always eager and fun. It’s the perfect mixture that always leaving me wanting more.

After several long moments we part and I open my eyes to look down at Tweek’s flushed expression. His eyes slowly blink open and then he’s smiling shyly at me. His eyes meet mine before they slide away and dart around the room. After a few seconds his gaze shifts back to me.

“W-What was that?”

I want to slap my face at the stupid question but it’s also kind of endearing. Tweek and I have had a several make out sessions but they haven’t been frequent enough. That boy seems to be so inexperienced and innocent. I almost feel bad for giving him these sinful tastes.

“Just doing what I want Tweekers.”

“O-Oh,” Tweek gasps. He looks to the side and suddenly he’s darting forward and pressing a kiss to my cheek. If anyone asks I definitely did not start blushing over that small act.

“What was that for?” I tease with a smirk. Tweek grimaces before he glances up at me and grins.

“Oh y-you know. Just d-doing what I want.” The photo we snapped catches Tweek’s attention and he picks it up and stares at it with a soft smile for a long moment. After, he angles it so I can see the photo. I’ll admit it’s actually a pretty good picture. Tweek looks fantastic and god damn it. I’m even smiling softly as I stare at Tweek with way to much adoration. “I l-love it,” Tweek declares.

I look at the photo for a little while when inspiration strikes. I lean over Tweek and snatch up the camera. He gives me a startled look but before he can process what I’m about to do I snap a photo of him. Tweek gapes at me for a few seconds before scowling. He crosses his arms stubbornly.

“You c-could have at l-least warned me b-before taking a photo!”

“What are you talking about? Candid photos are the best.” I set the camera and new photograph down to wait for it to develop.

“I h-hate you.”

“Liaaar,” I say as I draw out the ‘a’. Tweek sticks his tongue out at me but his attention is captured once again by the photo we took together. “Do you want to go over to Token’s later?”

Tweek glances up at me looking a little startled. He frowns. “I’m s-supposed to hang out w-with Kenny in an h-hour. R-Remember?”

“Shit, that’s right.”

“Y-You can probably c-come with if you want,” Tweek offers kindly. I grimace at the idea of hanging out with Kenny. Don’t get me wrong, the guy is alright. But keyword being alright. I’m still mad at him for giving Tweek molly at that party a while ago. Not to mention that guy just brings questionable life choices with him everywhere he goes.

“That’s okay Tweek. You guys hang out,” I say despite the slight flare of jealousy inside me.

“Y-You sure?”

I nod. “Yeah Tweekers, I’m sure. I’ll just go over to Token’s by myself.”

“O-Okay. I’ve always k-kind of liked how predictable y-you are,” Tweek randomly states. I glance at the blonde and give him a dubious look.

“What?”

“Y-You’re just predictable. You h-have a routine and y-you stick with it. It’s e-easy.”

I never thought of myself that way but I guess I can see what Tweek is saying.

“So you like me because I’m boring?” Tweek flushes and shakes his head vigorously.

“Y-You’re not boring! Like o-once a week you’ll say s-something that surprises the s-shit out of me.” I can’t help myself but laugh at Tweek’s words. He wasn’t really helping his case but his flustered demeanor is just to perfect.

“Whatever you say Tweek. Just admit I’m boring.”

“Craaaaaig!”

I glance down at the photo I snapped of Tweek to find that it’s finished developing. It’s a little blurry as Tweek’s in the middle of moving. His mouth his half open his eyes are wide and eyebrows are furrowed. He looks awkward as fuck but I love it. It’s perfect.

Token’s house turns out to be a snoozefest. Clyde had yet to show up so it was just Token and I mindlessly playing call of duty. We’re passing the bong back and forth between us once each of us dies so that’s nice at least. Bessie, the sound system, is blasting some sick techno music so that’s a vibe at least. Our round ends and I stand up and pat my pockets in search for my pack of cigarettes. Once satisfied that I still have them I tell Token I’m stepping outside to smoke.

I make it out front and light my sweet, sweet nicotine. I’m halfway through my smoke when Clyde’s dingy red truck rolls up. The brunette hops out of the vehicle and his poised blonde girlfriend makes an entrance from the passenger side. I question whether or not Clyde even mentioned to Token he was bringing Bebe. Not that I minded to much. After working with her I realized she’s actually pretty bearable as far as girls go.

“Craig! Wassup?” Clyde croons as he hops up to me and slings an arm over my shoulder. I resist the urge to put my cigarette out on him in annoyance.

“Just trying to enjoy my cigarette. Trying,” I add for emphasis.

“You really gotta quit smoking, you know that man? That shit is not good for you.”

“No shit sherlock.”

Bebe walks up to us wearing a delicate smile. “Hi Craig. Where’s Tweek?”

“He’s with Kenny,” I bluntly state.

“Oof, they’re never up to any good.” The blonde points out. This statement makes me frown but I don’t comment on it.

“I brought booze!” Clyde proudly declares as he holds up a half gallon of vodka.

“It’s a school night,” I point out as I take a deep inhale of nicotine. It’s my last puff so I reluctantly put it out after.

“Never has stopped us before,” Bebe points out with a shrug. I give a noncommittal grunt and shrug half heartedly.

“Whatever, if you can convince Token I guess I’m game.”

“Yas! That’s what I like to hear!” Clyde exclaims happily as he jumps in place. I shake my head at his antics. I swear that guy is like a hyper chihuahua.

“C’mon babe, let’s go inside,” Bebe suggests to Clyde. I turn and start heading inside, expecting the others to follow. Of course they do and we make our way down to the basement.

Token is in the middle of scrolling through his play list and glances up at us with a sideways grin. His expression falters a bit seeing Bebe and that’s enough to answer that question. Clyde, that shit head, did not inform anyone he was bringing along the girlfriend. Whatever.

“Hey Bebe, it’s good to see you,” Token says oh so eloquently.

“It’s good to see you too Token. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Just-” Token cuts off as his eyes land on the large bottle of alcohol in Clyde’s hand. “Is that vodka?”

“Yessireee!” Clyde drawls with a cocky grin. He boldly unscrews the lid and tips back the bottle as he chugs a bit. I commend him for doing that without any chaser. He winces slightly but besides that does not react to the harsh liquid.

“We have school tomorrow,” Token states stupidly.

“That’s what I said,” I admonish.

“Why the hell would you bring vodka over?”

“To get drunk, of course. We don’t have to get super drunk. But like a little drunk. We’re celebrating you guys.” Clyde whines as he collapses onto one of the couches next to Bebe. He throws his arms back over the edges of the couch.

“And what are we celebrating?” Token questions quizzically.

“Bebe’s pregnant!”

“WHAT?!” Three voices chorus. Token and I snap our gazes to Bebe who look just as surprised as I feel. She shakes her head furiously. She turns and punches Clyde in the shoulder. The brunette frowns and rubs the impact location.

“Stop making shit up!” Bebe exclaims angrily. She’s red in the face and I’ve honestly never seen such an expression on her.

“So you’re not pregnant?” I ask desperately. Because god forbid I can absolutely fucking not be an uncle to some teenage spawn.

“No!” For good measure Bebe punches Clyde again.

“Ow! Stop punching me,” Clyde whines.

“You deserve it,” Token and I chorus together.

“So are we actually celebrating anything or do you just want to get drunk?” Token demands to know. Clyde grins sheepishly, answering his question. “You just want to get drunk. Is anyone else actually down to drink?” Token namely looks at me and I shrug.

“I said I would if you said yes.”

Token groans and dry washes his face. “I’d try to bribe you to do my homework or some shit but we all know it’d get a terrible grade and would not be worth it.”

“So you’ll drink?” Clyde asks eagerly.

Token sighs and leans back against the couch. “I suppose. But we are not getting that drunk. We have to wake up at seven am tomorrow and it’s already eight now. Everyone’s leaving by eleven.”

“Deal!” Clyde scurries up the stairs to the kitchen to probably grab chaser and shot glasses. Token ambles over to his closet full of games and comes back with an armful of drinking games.

“My friends call me the bad influence, when here all along it’s been my boyfriend,” Bebe admonishes.

“Clyde’s just an impulsive little shit,” I point out with a lazy shrug. The three of us gather around the coffee table as Token choses a game. He picks Bad People and starts laying out the deck of cards. Clyde comes bounding down the stairs with an armload of grape soda and four shot glasses. He drops it all on the table and Token criticize him when the brunette knocks over the deck of cards.

“We gotta do a warm up shot,” Bebe suggests as she picks up the half gallon and starts pouring us all shots. Once we’re each equipped with a shot we open our own cans of soda and cheers. We knock back the liquid fire and slap our shot glasses back down on the table.

“So how are we gonna play this?” I ask as I perk up slightly with the booze running through my veins.

“So this game works by we read the card and each vote who the card sounds the most like. If you get voted winner for the card you take a shot,” Token explains.

“Sounds good. Let’s do this thang,” Clyde declares proudly.

“First card, Who has the lowest standards?” Token reads aloud. We each hold cards that represent each other player. At the same time we slap down our choice. In unison we flip the cards over to reveal our answers.

There’s three votes for Clyde and one vote for… me? The fuck.

“What? Me! I’m insulted,” Clyde gasps.

“I don’t know how this should make me feel,” Bebe points out with a crooked smile. We watch Clyde take the shot and move on to the next round.

“The 2am call I get from jail tonight is from who?” Bebe reads the next card. We each spend a moment deciding who to vote for and all slap down our cards at once. We flip them over to reveal four votes for me. Hell, let’s be honest, I voted for myself even.

“That’s fair,” I say with a shrug. I pour myself a shot and take it with ease.

“If we were all stand-up comedians who would get the least amount of laughs?” Clyde reads aloud. We all vote and the reveal is three votes for Token and one for Clyde. Of course Token is the one who voted for Clyde but everyone else voted for Token.

“That’s not fair,” Token grumbles as he takes his shot.

We continue in this fashion for a while as we each get voted for and forced to take a shot. By my seventh shot I was feeling pretty loose and I take a picture of the game and shot glasses on snapchat and send it to Tweek. It’s a little while later that I get a response from him. It’s a picture of mostly him with Kenny in the background. The caption states, “Looks like fun! We’re just getting stoned.”

I smile to myself and snap a reply.

The next morning I wake up feeling like death. Despite Token saying everyone should be out of his house by eleven, we didn’t leave until almost two am. The goal was to get a little bit drunk but once we had alcohol flowing through us we ended up getting a whole lotta drunk. I get ready for school in ten minutes flat, considering I really overslept and didn’t have a choice, and stepped outside to Token picking me up. I slide into the backseat with the extra thermos of coffee I made for Tweek later on in the day. I slide it into my backpack as we arrive at Tweek’s.

We’re all silent, with not even a radio playing, as Tweek slides into the seat next to me. He surveys each of our expressions for a moment before grinning wildly.

“You’re a-all hungover.”

“Fuck you too, Tweek,” I grumble without any real venom. Our eyes meet and the blonde smiles cheekily at me. He looks away and takes a sip of his coffee.

“I still feel drunk…” Clyde admits quietly from the front seat. I can’t help but snort and shake my head.

“Probably because you got voted for the most and had to to take the most shots,” Token points out. Clyde groans and drops his head into his hands.

The rest of the drive to school is in sweet, sweet silence. We arrive and go off to homeroom. From the very start of the school day something seems off. The school is buzzing with an unknown energy and I could swear to god people were staring more than usual at Tweek and I. The blonde seems to notice this too because his occasional twitching starts happening much more often. I have half a mind to ask Tweek about it but I’m worried I’ll make him even more paranoid so I refrain.

We split up for our different classes and that’s that. But the stares remain. The period before lunch our class has self study, which is the teachers excuse to slack off and do nothing. I’m sitting alone at my desk focusing half heartedly on my homework when Red comes up to me. She pulls out a chair and sits in front of my desk, facing me. I frown at her but don’t say anything at her presence.

“What’s your opinion on the video?” She asks in a typical girl-gossip voice. I grimace and shake my head.

“What video?”

“The one Tweek and Kenny posted last night. It’s totally gone viral! The entire school has seen it.”

“They did what?”

“You really haven’t heard of it?” I shake my head slowly and Red pulls out her phone and opens up youtube. If Tweek made a video… well that might explain why everyone has been fucking staring. But why have they been staring at me too?

“Just don’t like, freak out or anything, okay?” Red says hesitantly as she pulls up a twelve minute video. She angles it so I can the screen. Dread fills me as I wonder what the hell I’m about to watch.

Tweek and Kenny sit side by side at a desk. Tweek holds his typical cup of coffee in his hands as he looks nervously at the camera. Kenny smiles and waves at the camera.

“Hello everyone! One Kenny McCormick here with my good ol’ friend Tweek.”

“Gah! Don’t t-tell everyone who I-I am, man!”

“Dude- everyone already knows who you are. It’s fine,” Kenny counters. Tweek twitches but remains silent. “Welcome to a new series I’d like to call Sex Education because our school sucks dick.” Eggplant and taco emojis appear on the screen under the two blonde’s faces and I sigh and shake my head.

“Today’s first lesson will be about losing the good ol’ V-Card. I have obviously lost mine but for reference we have a virgin with us right here,” Kenny gestures towards Tweek. My boyfriend twitches with a frown. He glances over at Kenny with a look of confusion.

“B-But I’m not o-one. A v-virgin, that i-is,” he reveals. This is news to me and it floors me. Here I thought my boyfriend was sweet and innocent but the guy wasn’t actually a virgin?! I know he’s never dated anyone. That we have had a conversation about. Not that it’s really a huge deal but it somehow feels like a betrayal that my boyfriend was unveiling this fact for the entire school to find out, while I hadn’t even known.

Kenny looks impressed and bumps his shoulder into Tweek’s. “My man! You and Craig finally did the do?”

Tweek looks down at his coffee cup and bites his lip. Now he looks a little nervous. “N-No, it was s-someone else. It happened l-last year.”

“You’re just full of surprises Tweek! See folks, anyone can lose their virginity. If you’re worried about remaining a virgin forever, stop your worrying. You’ll lose it eventually. Just give it time. Now, on to the safe sex aspect…” Kenny goes on to explain some logistics but by this point I’m not paying attention.

This new tidbit of information is swirling around in my head and I don’t even know what to do with myself. Who could it have been? Who did Tweek lose his virginity too? I felt overly frustrated. The video is still playing but I stand up at my desk and start shoving everything into my backpack. Once it’s full I exit the classroom to the sound of Red calling out my name in confusion.

There was only one thing I knew for sure and that was that I needed to talk to Tweek about this. I text him to meet me in the back field by the trees. I make my way there now for a lack of nothing else to do. I drop my backpack and lean against a tree and light up a cigarette. I only have to wait fifteen minutes until the period is over and everyone is released for lunch. Several minutes later Tweek makes an appearance as he ambles over to me.

He’s smiling but once he gets close enough to see my expression he frowns. “C-Craig? What’s w-wrong?”

“I saw yours and Kenny’s video. The video the entire fucking school has seen.”

Tweek’s frown deepens and his fidgeting increases. He’s silent for a moment as he sets down his coffee thermos and pulls out a cigarette. Only once he’s lit it and takes a deep inhale does he reply to me.

“I d-didn’t think it w-was going to be so p-popular.”

“Were you even going to tell me about it?”

“Y-Yes…” Tweek says hesitantly. I had a feeling we both knew that was a lie.

“Why did you announce to the entire school that you aren’t a virgin and that we haven’t had sex? We literally talked about virginities and I told you I wasn’t one and you didn’t say anything about yourself. So why the hell am I finding this out from a youtube video?” I can’t mask the anger in me and it comes flooding out now. Tweek is wincing as he smokes.

“Does i-it change anything t-that I’m not a v-virgin?” He asks softly. He looks up at me and our eyes meet and it’s my turn to frown. I shake my head.

“Of course not but no wonder the entire school has been staring at us today. I just wish you had told me this before announcing it to everyone.”

“I-I’m sorry Craig. I w-wasn’t thinking and I didn’t t-think anyone would really s-see the video.”

“If you were going to reveal that shit online you could have at least told me before I had to find out from fucking Red when she showed me the video.”

Tweek puts out his cigarette and takes a step towards me. He reaches out to grab my arm but instinctively I jerk my body out of his grip. An expression of hurt washes over my boyfriends face that leaves me feeling guilty but I’m to frustrated to really care.

“C-Craig…”

“I’m mad at you right now Tweek. Like fuck. Who even was it? Who’d you have sex with?”

Tweek frowns and twists his hands together. “I c-can’t tell you…”

“Yeah fuck this. Give me some space. Okay? I’ll see you later Tweek,” I turn away from the blonde and scoop up my backpack. I sling it over my shoulders and head back in the direction of the school. The entire time I can feel a green gaze on my back.

By the time school is out Clyde and Token have seen the video too. Tweek texts that he’s getting a ride home from Bebe so it’s just the three of us in the car. Token asks me if I knew about what Tweek revealed in the video and when I say no both boys wince.

I don’t work today and it’s Friday so we decide to drive to Denver to play laser tag to take my mind off things. The drive is an hour and a half. The first half is spent with the boys questioning me on Tweek. I half ass answer their questions until I get so fed up that I snap at them to drop it. After that conversation shifts to other school gossip and thank fuck.

We arrive at Game Works and we hotbox the car first and get super stoned. After we all climb out of the car and enter the building. Token pays for our tickets and we’re told we have to wait ten minutes until the next session starts.Theres a pack of ten year old boys off to the side and I begrudgingly realize we’ll most likely be playing with them. Whatever, I can whoop some ten year old ass any day.

“I bet I’m going to beat both of you guys,” Clyde declares in between bites of M&Ms. He has a huge family bag in his pocket he’s been munching on. And the asshole refuses to share too.

“In your wildest dreams,” I mutter.

“Clyde, even the ten year olds can beat you,” Token adds as he gestures towards the pack of boys.

“You guys are so mean to me!”

“Okay everyone, the next session of laser tag is ready to start. Enter through here,” the employee informs us all. The kids herd into the room and the three of us trail behind them. We enter a space lined with vests and plastic guns. We’re instructed to put on a vest and collect a gun. The employee goes over the rules before he finally releases us into the combat zone to begin playing.

As we step into a dimly lit room with neon lights and a maze of platforms to climb and hide on Clyde pushes past Token and I. “Every man for himself!” He shouts as he takes off. Token and I glance at each other and shake our heads in disappointment. Everyone splits up and I find myself alone running around the perimeter. I hear talking around the corner and I sneak up to the cut off and take a glance. Two kids are talking to each other as they walk casually.

I can’t help the smile that blooms on my face as I jump out of my hiding spot and shoot both the kids. Their vests light up momentarily and they curse aloud. They look up to see me and start throwing insults. They probably would attempt to shoot me back if there wasn’t a thirty second freeze on your weapon after getting shot. I flip the kids off and jog past them to look for my next target.

I enter the middle of the maze and I step on something that makes a slight crunch. I glance down to see a crushed M&M and I smirk.

Clyde.

There’s a sporadic trail of the candy leading around the corner. I follow the trail until I hear the crunching of someone eating. I peak around the corner and see Clyde standing there shoving candy in his mouth. I peak around the edge and shoot him in the back. He jumps in surprise and glances over his shoulder at me.

“Craig! I’ll get you back!”

“I’d like to see you try.”

I run away and casually make my way around the map. I get shot twice but in the process I shoot six kids and Token once. And then it happens again. I find a new trail of candy. I follow it until I find Clyde again who’s looking around cautiously as he walks down the path. I crouch down and take aim and shoot. I hit my target and the brunette once again jumps in surprise. He twirls around to glare at me.

“Fuck you Craig!” Clyde sprints off and I let him go. Because now I have a secret cheat. A candy trail everywhere fucking Clyde goes. I give the brunette some space and shoot a couple kids as I meander through the maze. Once I feel like enough time has passed I track the candy and shoot Clyde again.

This pattern continues throughout the rest of the game. In the end I shoot Clyde a total of twelve times while he doesn’t shoot me once. The game ends and by the end of it I feel a lot better. This proved to be a good outlet for my anger and the endorphin high was a plus too.

We all exit the map and enter the supply room to take off our vests and return our guns. We step out into the lobby and the three of us, plus the flock of kids, gather around the TV to look at our scores. I smile when I see that I placed first, with Token second. Clyde is dead last, go figure.

“You both cheated! You guys shot me way too many times,” Clyde whines as we exit the building.

“Yeah I cheated alright but it’s your own damn fault.”

“How did you do it?!”

“You really didn’t figure it out Clyde? You were leaving a trail of candy everywhere. We just had to follow it to find you,” Token explains kindly. The brunette freezes mid-stride and turns a glare onto me and then Token.

“I hate you guys so much!” He pulls out the nearly empty bag of M&Ms and chucks it in the nearby garbage can. “And now I hate M&Ms too! So thanks a lot guys. Thanks for ruining one of the greatest things for me.”

“You’re a drama queen,” I declare with a grin. Clyde throws up his arms and marches to the car angrily.

I glance at both of my best friends and can’t help but keep smiling. I’m still frustrated and don’t know what to do about Tweek but the space helped a lot. And having my best friends here to help me get out of my head was life savior. Thank fuck for these guys.

Chapter Text

Craig and I haven’t spoken in a week and a half. He’s even been trading his shifts with Bebe so that we don’t work together. I would think I’d be more upset about the whole ordeal but honestly I feel great. Really? More than great! I feel fantastic. I haven’t felt this great in years. I’m not even taking the molly so it’s not substances making me feel this way. It’s good ol’ natural Tweek. The only thing that has changed in my life, besides not talking to Craig, is that I stopped taking my medications. You’d think, dumb idea, right? Well apparently wrong because I feel absolutely amazing.

If stopping my medication makes me feel this good I question why I was on it in the first place. Who needs those crappy chemicals? Obviously natural is the way to go.

When I’m not working I’m spending all of my time hanging out with either Kenny or Bebe. Mostly Kenny though. He seems to be amused by my shift in mood while Bebe seems mildly concerned. I keep insisting to them I’m just on a good streak. They accept my reasoning and move on. I haven’t been sleeping very much but that’s okay. For once I’m not even tired after sleeping only three hours a night. I’m not even drinking that much coffee. Maybe one or two cups a day versus the multitude of thermoses I’d consume otherwise.

Oh, there is one slightly new change to my behaviors. I’ve found a new insane love for alcohol. Me prior to alcohol? Powerful. Me after alcohol? Godly. Kenny has been my plug on buying bottles of whipped cream vodka. In the last week and a half I’ve drank two half gallons pretty much by myself. I don’t know if that’s a lot but it doesn’t feel like that much. I recognize that drinking everyday is probably not smart but I can’t find it in me to really care. Not when it makes me feel this good. I don’t even need to be drinking with somebody else. Being drunk by myself is just as amazing.

I’ve noted I’m also on a creative streak. I went out and spent nearly four hundred dollars on art supplies. I would paint sometimes but this week I’m painting nearly everyday. For hours too. My side table has a stack of paintings on it, ranging from decent to top tier quality. Going off my medication has been the best decision I’ve made in a really long time.

Today is Saturday and I’ve spent the first half of my day working with Bebe. She keeps asking me if I’m okay when I insist to her I’m absolutely fantastic. But now that I’m done with work I’m heading home to change and making a beeline over to Kenny’s. Once I’m changed into skinny jeans and a black turtleneck I shove my half-bottle of vodka into a backpack and make the journey to Kenny’s.

Ever since the new school year, and being eighteen and all, Kenny has gotten his own apartment. It’s a two-bedroom small cheap place that he shares with his younger sister Karen. It’s admittedly much nicer than his parent’s place. I’m just mostly thankful I don’t have to hang out in Kenny’s trap bedroom with his thin as fuck walls and parents looming right around the corner.

I arrive at Kenny’s apartment complex and knock on the door. Moments later Karen McCormick opens the door with a slight pout. Once she sees that it’s me her expression brightens and she grins.

“Hey Tweek! How are you?”

“F-Fucking amazing. You?” I ask as Karen steps to the side and lets me into the apartment. I kick off my shoes and Karen leads me to the living room where I sit down on one of the couches.

“I’m good, I’m guessing you and Ken are getting drunk again, huh?” Karen asks with a slight tilt to her head. For a moment I get distracted by her youthful beauty. She’s the same age as Ruby, Craig’s little sister, and while she’s in her last year of middle school she already looks pretty mature. Her brown hair is currently tied back in a ponytail with a bow and she’s just about as tall as me, although that’s not much of an achievement.

“Well… m-maybe… yeah. I just l-love alcohol so m-much. It’s so m-much fun, y-you know?”

“Tweek, I’ve gotten drunk twice in my entire life. I only kind of know. Do you think I could drink with you and Ken?”

“I d-d-don’t care. But it’s u-up to Kenny.”

“Kenny!” Karen suddenly shouts. A second later Kenny’s bedroom door slams open and the blonde comes swaggering out to the living room.

“What the hell do you- oh Tweek!”

“H-Hey Kenny. I brought m-my vodka.”

“Nonsense, we drank your stuff yesterday. Today we’ll drink my rum. I have Bacardi, you know? It’s good stuff.” Kenny insists as he crosses the room into the adjoining kitchen. He grabs the half gallon off the fridge and opens the cupboard to grab shot glasses.

“Ken, can I drink with you guys tonight?” Karen asks hesitantly. Kenny stops what he’s doing to frown at his sister. After a moment he replies.

“How old are you?”

“Ugh, Kenny you know this, I’m fourteen.”

“Well I guess I was doing much worst things than drinking at fourteen…” Kenny admits thoughtfully.

“Trust me, I know,” Karen points out with an eye roll. As someone with no siblings I find the whole interaction very endearing and I can’t help but giggle.

“What do you think, Tweek?” Kenny asks. I shrug innocently but I can’t fight the stupid grin on my face.

“I d-don’t mind! The m-more the merrier.” I insist kindly.

“Whelp, you heard it Karen. You’ve been accepted into the party.” Karen launches herself off of the couch and into Kenny’s arms. She hugs him tightly with a leg kicked up in the air.

“Thank you! I won’t drink that much, I promise. I just kind of want to experience what it’s like to be drunk…”

“Well it is better for you to drink around me than going out and getting wasted with stupid middle schoolers,” Kenny admits. He grabs three shot glasses and brings that with the alcohol to the coffee table. Karen opens the fridge and grabs the orange fanta and three cups for chaser.

Kenny claims the seat next to me while Karen sits down in the armchair. I can’t fight the stupid grin on my face or the fidgety energy running through me. I’m honestly so full of energy I could go on a run. I almost suggest to the two siblings we should do exactly that when Kenny speaks up.

“Let’s take a shot.” Kenny pours out three shots then slides a shot glass to both Karen and I.

“O-Okay, I can d-do that. You know w-what would be fun? Swimming, or m-maybe riding bikes. We should g-go do something. You know y-yesterday I went on a r-run after work and then w-went home and tried t-to do yoga but I’m n-not very good at it. I-”

“Woah there Tweek,” Kenny says as he interrupts my rambling. My mind is just moving at a million miles per hour. I have so many thoughts and so many things to say. “Let’s just focus on getting drunk first.”

I catch the two siblings making eye contact and Karen has her eyebrows raised skeptically. Without waiting for the other two I pick up my shot glass and take the shot swiftly as I chase it with soda. Kenny frowns but shrugs it off and then the McCormicks are taking their own shot.

“You sure have a lot of energy, don’t you Tweek?” Karen asks with a small smile. I look at her and bounce in my seat with a wide grin. I nod my head.

“Y-Yeah it feels g-great. I’m not even t-tired at all and I-I’ve had no coffee today.”

“You’ve had no coffee? Fucking weird man. You’re weirding me out. Did you take some of that molly?” Kenny asks as he looks at me quizzically. His blue eyes are pouring into my soul and the stare makes me feel squirmy.

“Nope, no need. I f-feel great without i-it.”

“Have you been taking your medication Tweekers?”

“N-No way Jose. I don’t n-need that shit. I’m p-perfect without it,” I insist.

“Tweek…” Karen starts hesitantly. I look over at her and she’s biting her lip with nerves. “I think you’re manic. You’re not acting like yourself. You’ve been off all week.”

“Yeah dude you’re acting really off. At first I thought it was funny but now it’s straight up concerning.”

I frown and reflect on their claims. I’ve never been manic before, what does it even look like? How I can I be manic? I’m not even bipolar. Can you get manic if you’re not bipolar? I’m just in a good mood is all. I feel great but that doesn’t mean I’m manic. They’re being ridiculous. They’re just jealous of how great I feel. Yeah, that’s it. They’re jealous.

“M-Manic? I’m not manic.”

“Okay, whatever, let’s just drink for now. But go see a doctor, okay?” Kenny suggests softly. I shake my head and fidget with my fingers.

“Whatever.”

Kenny pours us all another shot and we all take it in synchrony.

“You’re right K-Kenny. Bacardi i-is really good,” I admonish after the next shot.

“It’s one of my favorites,” Kenny says with a smile. Meanwhile Karen shudders and shakes her head.

“It tastes like ass.” Kenny gives his sister a long stare. Suddenly a radiant smile blossoms on his face.

“Are you feeling it Mr. Krabs?”

“I’m feeling it,” Karen giggles.

We get lost into the night of drinking. Karen gets cut off after her third shot since that little lightweight was definitely intoxicated. We’re all pretty drunk when around midnight Kenny gets an invitation to a party. After announcing the invitation it’s apparent by Kenny’s expression he wants to go but he doesn’t want to leave Karen behind.

“I’ll be fine, just go Ken. I’m pretty tired anyways. I’ll probably just watch Netflix and pass out,” Karen insists several times.

“No, I shouldn’t leave my drunk little sister alone.”

“Ken! I’ll be fine. Go. You want to go, don’t you Tweek?”

“I m-mean I wouldn’t mind…”

“Exactly now go. In fact I’m going to bed right now. So whether or not you stay it won’t matter because I will be in bed,” Karen slurs as she stands up. She sways slightly before flipping off Kenny and exiting to her bedroom.

“Y-You’re move Kenny.”

Kenny groans and runs a hand over his face. “Fine, let’s go. I can make some money at this party anyways.”

“C-Coool.”

We end up taking an uber into North Park to a house overflowing with people. Kenny tells me this is a college party so we probably won’t run into many people that we know. We enter the house and Kenny instantly herds us to the kitchen for more drinks. Once we’re both equipped with a mixed drink he leads me out to the living room. Hip Hop music is blasting from two large speakers and colorful LED lights shine down on us.

A large mass of people are drunkenly dancing and people are shouting to be heard over one another and the sound of music. Kenny is leaning back against the wall with his ratty old backpack slung over one shoulder. He has an easy smile plastered onto his face as his blue eyes survey the crowd. It’s not long until two very drunk girls come practically running up to Kenny.

“Kenny you’re finally here! Did you bring the…” The brunette who’s speaking leans in closer to be more discreet but her next word comes out just as loud as the rest of her sentence. “The cocaine?” Kenny smirks and rolls his eyes.

“Real subtle. Yeah I brought the eight ball. Let’s go somewhere a bit more quiet and I’ll give it to you.” Kenny turns towards me. “Wanna come with? It shouldn’t take long.”

I felt somehow spiritually connected to the chaotic vibes of the party and found myself not wanting to leave the spot I’m in. I shake my head no. “I’ll w-wait here.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back!” Kenny wanders off with the two girls in tow and I settle back against the wall and take a large gulp from my cup. I spot someone wearing a hat similar to the one my boyfriend always wears and suddenly I find myself missing him. Like really missing him. Why wasn’t he talking to me again? He probably wouldn’t mind if I text him, would he? God I just want to kiss Craig. In fact I want to do a lot more than kiss Craig.

Without any hesitation I pull out my phone and open the text conversation between Craig and I.

Tweek: I miss ur lips

Nearly instantly I get a reply and it sends euphoria shooting through me.

Craig: What?

Tweek: I want to kisxss you.

Craig: WTF are you on about? I thought I told you I didn’t want to talk to you right now. What makes you think I want to kiss you.

Tweek: U still mad? If ur that upsat about me not being a virgin I’ll let you fxck me. Would that make it better?

Craig: TWEEK?!???!

Tweek: Im serious. I want u

Craig: You’re fucking drunk aren’t you?

Tweek: What’s that changge anythiikng?

Craig: Fucking everything. Leave me alone Tweek. Goodnight.

Tweek: Wait

Tweek: No

Tweek: I miss u

Tweek: Craig?

Tweek: Well fuck youa too Craig. I din’t need you.

I frown down at my phone feeling really annoyed. That wasn’t how that was supposed to go. Why didn’t Craig want me? My sulking gets interrupted when a tall red headed man leans against the wall next to me and leans over to shout in my ear.

“You look pissed off.”

“J-Just a l-little,” I yell back curious. Who was this guy? A surge of confidence runs through me and I come to the conclusion that this guy probably thought I was hot. It was true, I really didn’t need Craig.

“Need another drink?” I look down into my cup and am relatively surprised to see that while I was texting Craig I had finished off my beverage.

“Y-Yeah.”

“C’mon,” the man shouts as he turns and leads the way to the kitchen where it’s substantially quieter. “I’m Benson, what’s your name?” Benson holds out his palm and I hand over my drink so he can make me a new one.

“I’m T-Tweek. J-Jesus.”

“Tweek? Interesting name. I’ve never seen you around here.” Benson looks over his shoulder at me and winks. My pride swells and I find myself smiling giddily back at him.

“I don’t g-go to a lot of parties. I’m guessing y-you do?”

“I suppose. You go to the college? What’s your major?”

I frown and note that it might be a buzz kill to find out a high schooler is at this college party so in a last minute decision I decide to lie. “No, I’m taking a-a gap year. W-What’s your major?”

“Engineering. Do you know what you want to major in?”

“G-God no! I can’t make u-up my mind m-man. Too many o-options!” The topic of choosing a college major usually sends me spiraling into anxiety but in the moment I find myself feeling cool and collected. Benson and I continue to make small talk for a little while and I’m actually genuinely entertained. Benson seemed to be a pretty chill guy.

“Do you smoke?” Benson suddenly asks. I realize it’s been several hours since I’ve smoked a cigarette or weed.

“Y-Yeah, I smoke.”

“Come with me.” Benson grabs my elbow and steers me through the living room and up the stairs. He leads me into one of the bedrooms and when we enter I’m hit with a strange smell that’s unfamiliar to me. One girl sits on the bed flanked by two men sitting on office chairs. Two more people stand against a wall. I recognize a guy who’s a senior at school standing against the wall but for the life of me I can’t remember his name.

“Benson, I was wondering where you went,” the girl on the bed whines. Benson leads us both to the bed and we sit down next to the girl. It’s at this moment I spot a sheet of tinfoil, a lighter and a straw in someone’s hands. Confusion sweeps through me.

“I brought a friend. This is Tweek.” People greet me and some introduce their name but I don’t pay to much attention as my mind spirals. What were they using the tinfoil for?

“H-Hello,” I greet back hesitantly. People turn back to the conversations they were in before we entered the room. One guy holds the tinfoil for a girl and she uses the lighter to light up the bottom of the tinfoil and uses the straw to inhale the smoke burning off it.

I turn to Benson and put a hand on his arm. “I thought y-you said we were smoking?” Benson looks confused at my question.

“We are? Don’t you smoke coke?”

“I thought you m-meant weed… or cigarettes,” I clarify with a frown. Benson frowns and shrugs.

“Well do you want to try it? I can show you how.”

“What’s i-it feel like?” Did I want to try this? I’ve only ever smoked weed and done admittedly lots of molly. Besides, I thought you snorted cocaine? I didn’t know you could smoke it.

“It just makes you feel really good.” Someone hands Benson the three tools to smoke and he turns towards me. “You down Tweek?”

“O-Okay. Sure,” I say hesitantly. I already felt really good but why wouldn’t I want to feel even better? Benson instructs me to hold the straw and he tells me to start inhaling when I see smoke. He places the lighter under the tinfoil and starts burning it. After a second it starts to smoke and I inhale deeply as I chase the smoke as it moves across the foil. I nearly immediately start coughing and Benson stops lighting it.

My throat felt numb and tingly. I had a near instant head high that was unlike anything I’ve felt before. I was feeling pretty good before but now I feel straight up euphoric. As I stop coughing I hand the straw back to Benson and he takes his own turn smoking. I lean back against the headboard and soak into the strange feeling washing through me.

Benson suddenly leans towards me with a doped out smile. “What do you think?”

I giggle and blink slowly. “It’s s-strange. I’ve never f-felt like this before.”

“Pretty good, right?” I nod and Benson grins.

Not before long the tinfoil gets passed back to Benson and he lights it up for me again. I don’t cough this time and as soon as I finish inhaling I collapse against Benson’s side with a giggle. I felt like I was floating in space almost.

I get to smoke a couple more times before the door suddenly bursts open and Kenny appears looking stressed out.

“Hey! Get out of here. Close the door!” One guy shouts at the blonde.

“Tweek, what the fuck are you doing? C’mon,” Kenny demands as he steps into the room towards me.

“W-What? No, I want t-to stay.”

“Hey dude, if the little guy wants to stay that’s his business,” Benson says in my defense. I grin at him but my attention is snapped back to Kenny when he grabs my arm.

“As his guardian for the night I’m taking him.” Kenny tugs me until I’m standing up and starts dragging me towards the bedroom door.

“B-Bye, it was n-nice meeting all of you!”

Once we’re in the hallway Kenny slams the bedroom door shut and spins me around so that I’m facing him. He puts his hands on my shoulder and I’ve never seen such a serious expression on his face.

“Please tell me you were not smoking with them.”

“I w-was?” I’m confused why Kenny would care whether or not I was smoking. I mean, he sells cocaine. What does it matter if I was doing some?

“God, Tweek. Craig is going to kill me,” Kenny groans and drops his head. After a second he looks back up at me. “You do realize you were just smoking crack, right?”

“W-What? I thought I was s-smoking coke?”

“Crack cocaine Tweek. It’s crack. Fuck. I can’t ever leave you alone at a party again. We should leave,” Kenny starts pulling me down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs I pull him to face me.

“We d-don’t have to l-leave. I won’t do it again K-Kenny. I promise. Let’s j-just have some fun and d-drink some more.”

“Only if you promise me you won’t ever hang out with those people again.” Kenny is frowning and I feel so giddy that the frown is annoying. Usually I get upset when other people are upset but right now I’m just annoyed.

“Y-Yes, I promise.” Kenny sighs and nods. He brings me back to the kitchen and we refill our drinks. We end up making our way into the backyard. We drink and chat alone for approximately thirty minutes before several people come over to talk to Kenny. They would sometimes talk to me but for the most part their attention was on Kenny. I felt myself getting a little bored and my gaze wanders around the backyard.

There’s a decently sized pool that people are standing around. Suddenly swimming seems like a great idea. I start taking a few steps towards the pool when the roof of the two story building catches my eye. Outside the windows on the second story is a slanted roof section for water to run off of. I have an epiphany that jumping off that roof outside the second story window would be so much fun. It would be a straight shot jump into the pool.

I glance at Kenny and he’s pretty distracted so I decide to sneak off. I run inside the living room and push through the mass of bodies. I head up the stairs and open a door to a bedroom facing the pool. It’s luckily empty and I go to the window and see the ledge outside of it. I open the window and pop off the screen and climb through it. On wobbly feet I stand up and feel like a giant as I over look the crowd of people below me.

I’m pretty sure I’m invincible right now.

I walk cautiously towards the end of the ledge and by now people are starting to notice me. A large chunk of people are staring up at me and even a couple people have their phones pointed towards me. Right before I’m about to jump Kenny notices me.

“Tweek! Get your ass down from there. What the fuck dude?”

I grin and take a step back so that I can step forward and jump into the pool. Right as my knees bend and propel me off the roof I shout. “I’m immortal!”

Gravity pulls me down and wind rushes through my hair. I projected my jump just right and I hit the surface of the water with a loud smacking noise. I close my eyes and hold my breath as I sink below the surface. When I pop up Kenny is at the edge of the pool looking furious. I swim over to him and he reaches out and grabs my arm and practically drags me out of the pool.

“That’s it, we’re leaving.” I try protesting but nothing I say will change Kenny’s mind. He leads me back through the house and out the front door. He’s walking angrily ahead of me as we start to make the long trip back to South Park.

“Y-You should have j-jumped too Kenny. It w-was fun,” I suddenly feel the need to tell him. Kenny stops walking and spins around to stare at me.

“That was not fun Tweek. You could have seriously gotten hurt. That pool was not that deep! I’m never taking you to a party again when you’re manic. The old Tweek would have never jumped off a roof on his own accord. You have a fucking death wish. First I find you smoking crack, and next thing I know you’re jumping off roofs? What the fuck man.” Kenny’s words spill out of him at a rapid pace and by the end of his rant he’s panting slightly.

“I’m not m-manic,” is all I can think to say. Kenny rolls his eyes.

“When you act like you have been I don’t find that very convincing. You’re fucking crazy man.”

Usually being called crazy is a trigger for me and really fucking upsets me. Right now I just find it funny and I start laughing. My laughter turns practically hysterical and Kenny groans and grabs my arm. He starts walking again as he drags me after him.

Once I finally calm down Kenny lets go of my arm and we walk in silence.

“When Craig finds out about that stunt you pulled you’re telling him I had nothing to do with it,” Kenny declares.

“I’ll t-text him right now.” My soaked shoes squish with every step and I reach into my wet pocket to pull out my crappy flip phone. When I open it the screen is black. I realize I probably should have taken my phone out of my pocket before I jumped into a pool. Kenny glances at me and scoffs.

“You ruined your phone, didn’t you?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Go buy a new one tomorrow.”

“O-Okay.”

We walk in silence for a little longer and I replay the events of tonight in my head. What I did wasn’t that bad? In fact I had fun. What’s wrong with having a little fun?

“Are you s-still mad at me?” I ask after twenty minutes of walking in silence. Kenny glances at me and sighs.

“Yes Tweek.”

“Would it h-help if I said I was s-sorry?” Kenny stops walking again and turns to look at me. He studies my face for a moment.

“Are you though?”

“N-Not really,” I giggle. Kenny rolls his eyes and starts walking again.

“Then don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“I just don’t w-want you to be mad at m-me.” I nervously fidget with my fingers.

“I’ll get over it tomorrow. Just allow me tonight to be pissed at you, okay?” I smile and skip to catch up to Kenny. I could handle one night of a pissed off Kenny. I was just relieved to hear that his anger was a temporary thing.

It takes us nearly two hours to walk home. Kenny drops me off at my house and by now the sun is starting to rise. I sneak into my silent house and creak up the stairs into my bedroom. I consider trying to sleep but decide there wasn’t much of a point considering I work in a few hours. I decide I want to keep drinking so I pull out my extra bottle of vodka and start taking shots in the dim lighting of my room as I watch a cartoon on my TV.

When nine am hits I’m right outside of the coffee shop smoking a cigarette. I’ve spent the last several hours drinking and am admittedly pretty drunk. I put out my cigarette and walk into the shop right as Bebe arrives. She follows me into the back room and once she gets close enough she gasps and winces. I look at her confused but she’s staring at me with alarmed eyes.

“Jesus Tweek. You smell like a brewery, are you drunk?” I giggle and shrug. “Tweek! It’s nine am. What has been going on with you?”

“I w-went to a party last n-night,” I say to somehow explain.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re still drunk now?”

“I got home a-around five and decided instead of sleeping I’ll j-just keep drinking.” I’m smiling giddily but Bebe doesn’t look amused. She stalks over to her locker and opens it and starts putting on her apron and badge. I do the same thing.

“You haven’t been acting like yourself Tweek, I’m really concerned.”

“Kenny k-keeps calling me manic. B-But I don’t think I’m m-manic. I’m n-not even bipolar.”

Bebe has gone still and I glance over at her and she’s staring at me as if she’s just had an epiphany.

“I didn’t think of that. I think he’s right Tweek. Did you stop taking your medication or something?”

“I m-mean, yeah. But w-what does that h-have to do with anything?” I exit the back room and Bebe is hot on my tail. I start going through the motions of getting the shop ready for the day. Even if I’m drunk I’ve done this enough times to know what to do.

“Going off your medications probably triggered it. My aunt is bipolar and every time she goes off her meds she goes manic or depressive. God, I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You’re showing all the signs of a manic episode.”

I frown and remain silent. Bebe seemed to know what she was talking about and it made me question things. I mean, I’m not manic, am I? Maybe I should go to my doctor. But I really don’t want this feeling to end. I stew in questions for a good hour before I decide to shrug them off and focus on getting through the day.

Chapter Text

It was sunday when I saw the snapchats. It was posted on some guy’s story but it was saved and spread around online like wildfire. My first reaction to watching those two videos was plain shock. I was speechless and unsure what to think. It didn’t take long before I just felt angry. I didn’t want to but it felt as if I had no option but to break up with Tweek.

The first video was of some guy helping Tweek smoke crack. Fucking crack of all things! After, he fell backwards into the red headed guy as he laughed. The next clip was of Tweek standing on a roof as he jumps fully clothed into a pool. The videos were captioned “crackhead Tweek doing crackhead things''. On facebook the videos had thousands of views and a long stream of slanderous comments.

I could not comprehend what Tweek was thinking. We go a week and a half without talking and he resorts to drugs and getting all buddy buddy with other men? Yeah, not cool. After talking on the phone with both Token and Clyde and insisting I had no idea what Tweek was thinking I promptly tried calling the blonde. The call went to voicemail. I tried calling and texting him numerous times to no avail.

I knew Tweek was working since I had a copy of the schedule but even I recognized it might be a douche move to confront him at the coffee shop of all places. So I bid my time and waited.

The next day Token and Clyde picked me up and we drove to school.

“What are you going to do about Tweek, man?” Clyde asks as soon as I get in the car.

“Fuck if I know. I feel like I should break up with him. He’s going off the deep end.” I mutter bitterly as I stubbornly glare out the car window.

Token sighs from the driver's seat. “That might be best…”

“Maybe you should talk to him first and find out what’s going on? Those videos weren’t like Tweek at all,” Clyde points out. I groan and press my forehead against the cool glass.

couldn’t help but wonder if me cutting Tweek off for that period of time is what triggered his actions. But even I recognized that it’s unhealthy as fuck to go running to parties and acting recklessly when things don’t go your way. Why else would Tweek do those things?

We arrive at school and I ditch the other two to go hunt down Kenny. I had no doubt in my mind that Kenny was the one to take Tweek to that party and let him behave so recklessly. As soon as I walk through the doors of the school random students are stopping me to make snarky comments about Tweek. I flip them all off and continue my hunt for the drug dealing blonde.

Eventually I find him in the senior hallway standing with Stan and Kyle. I don’t think and I just act. I stomp up to Kenny and before I know it I have a fist made and my arm pulled back. He was unsuspecting as I punched him in the jaw. The force of the hit sends him staggering backwards into lockers. He puts a hand to his jawline and looks at me surprised.

“Woah Craig! What the fuck? That’s not necessary,” Kyle cries out as he grabs Kenny’s arm.

“Fuck off Broflovksi,” I snap as I shoot him a glare. I turn my attention back onto Kenny. “Why the fuck did you let Tweek do those things in that fucking video?”

Kenny holds up his hands looking appalled. “Hey man, I had nothing to do with that. I took him to that party and Tweek ran off. When I found him he was in the middle of smoking. I pulled him out of there real quick.”

“But you let him jump off a roof?”

“No! I’m the innocent one here dude. The fucker sneaked off and next thing I know I look up and he’s jumping off the roof,” Kenny insists. He casts his gaze onto the ground and frowns.

What Kenny was saying wasn’t making much sense. Why would Tweek do any of those things if Kenny wasn’t the one to prompt him on?

“Why should I believe you?”

“Back off Craig. Leave Kenny alone,” Stan interjects. He glances between me and the blonde warily. Kenny puts a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay guys. I got this. Go ahead of me, I’ll meet you in class.” Kyle and Stan look doubtful but they listen. They make their goodbyes and wander off to class. Once they’re gone Kenny turns his attention back on me. “Look, just talk to Tweek okay? He’ll back up my story. I told him to talk to you. Just be careful. Tweek hasn’t been acting like himself. There’s something wrong with him.”

“What do you mean there’s something wrong with him?”

“Just go talk to him and you’ll see for yourself.” Kenny pauses to glance warily around the busy hallway. “Good luck Craig.”

I flip off his retreating form and head to class.

Tweek isn’t in any of the classes we have together. I tried texting him again but I get no response. When lunch time hits I go on a manhunt looking for him. He’s not in the cafeteria, Bebe doesn’t know where he is and neither does Kenny. Eventually I make my way out back to the smoker spot. I’m relatively surprised to see Tweek standing with the goths as he smokes a cigarette.

As I approach he doesn’t seem to notice me and is in the middle of telling an animated story to everyone around him. I awkwardly walk up to him and stand there as I wait for him to notice me. Once I get close enough he glances over at me briefly but goes right back to telling his story. It doesn’t take him too long to finish talking and leaving everyone around him laughing.

Fucking finally he turns to me with a bright smile.

“H-Hey Craig.”

“We need to talk,” I say firmly. It was pissing me off that he was acting like there’s nothing wrong between us. Did he just not care?

“Okay. I’ll s-see you guys later,” Tweek says to the goths. They wave him off and I lead Tweek across the schoolyard to the very back where the trees are. Once I’m satisfied with our spot I stop walking and turn towards him. He puts out his cigarette and tilts his head innocently as he looks at me.

“What d-did you want t-to talk about?”

“I want to talk about those snapchats going around.”

“What a-about them?” Tweek is looking at me as if he doesn’t care.

“What about them? The entire school has a video of you smoking crack! Don’t you care?” I throw my hands up in exasperation.

“Not really,” Tweek says simply. I frown and really look at him. Tweek would normally be freaking out over what happened. Instead Tweek is simply impassive. He looks the same as usual at least. His hair is still a birds nest and his eyes are still wide and green. He’s twitching ever so slightly. He’s wearing his usual sweater and tight jeans. So why was he acting different? Abruptly I realize Tweek isn’t holding any coffee. It’s such a strange sight my brain short circuits.

“Where’s your coffee?”

“Oh, I d-don’t need it.”

“What do you mean you don’t need it? Are you sleeping better?”

“N-Not really. I slept l-like two hours last n-night but I’m not tired. I feel g-good.” Tweek shrugs and then smiles at me sweetly.

My mind automatically goes to one place. “Are you on drugs?”

“No?”

“You just feel fine after barely sleeping and don’t need coffee?” I clarify with a frown. Tweek’s eyebrows furrowed together and he gave me a questioning look.

“W-What about it?” Suddenly he breaks out into a large smile.

“Okay… and why didn’t you answer any of my calls yesterday?”

“My p-phone got broken w-when I jumped into the p-pool,” he explains. I groan internally. All of a sudden Tweek launches into a long rant about his day at work yesterday. The topic change is so abrupt it leaves my head spinning. He’s talking in that same animated way he was when I found him not too long ago. I also notice he’s talking with his hands a lot more.

I’m only sure of one thing. Kenny is right. Tweek isn’t acting like himself. It’s almost as if he got replaced with a doped up twin. Tweek finally finishes his story but I had only been paying half attention.

“Look, this isn’t working out.” I take a deep breath to prepare myself for what I’m going to say next. “I think we should break up.”

“O-Okay,” Tweek says with a shrug. He’s still smiling and looking completely at ease. Tweek was acting nothing like himself.

“That’s it? Okay?”

“Yeah, it’s f-fine.”

“What’s going on with you? You’re acting fucking weird,” I snap as I grow pissed off. Tweek bursts out into laughter. He laughs nearly hysterically for a couple minutes. I stare at him as if he’s gone crazy, because honestly it was starting to look that way.

Once Tweek calms down he speaks in between giggles. “P-People keep telling me I’m m-manic.”

I frown and think about what I know of manic people. I didn’t know much. I knew it had something to do with people feeling euphoric and acting recklessly. I know it’s a pretty serious problem. Is that what Tweek was really experiencing? I pull out my phone and decide to google manic episodes. After reading through the symptoms I could kind of see it.

He’s definitely abnormally upbeat. He wasn’t tired so he had the increased energy and decreased need for sleep. He was being unusually talkative. And with that sudden topic change I could see him having the distractibility. And lastly the poor decision making. There was no doubt about that one.

I put my phone away and look up at Tweek who’s staring at me curiously.

“Have you gone to the doctor?” I ask after a moment of just looking at him. Now that I knew he was manic I was a lot less angry and more concerned. If he was manic that meant he wasn’t in control of his actions. And if that was the case could I really fault him for his behaviors?

“N-Nah.”

“Tweek I really think you should see a doctor about this. I’ve been talking to you for five minutes and I can see it.”

“W-Why do you care? Didn’t y-you just breakup w-with me?” Tweek asks bluntly. I frown and let out a frustrated groan.

“Well I fucking take it back, okay? I didn’t know you’re manic and that explains a whole hell of a lot. If you were acting like an idiot on your own accord that would have been different.” I reach out and take his hand and he lets me. He stares at our joined hands for a long moment.

“Are you s-still mad about the v-virginity thing?” He asks me quietly. Even still he’s smiling.

“Right now that doesn’t really matter.”

“I couldn’t t-tell you who it w-was you know. Because it w-was my therapist.” Tweek suddenly blurts out.

“What?” Tweek doesn’t respond so I press on. “What does that mean Tweek?” I had a feeling whatever he was going to tell me was going to be really serious. I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for that but more importantly I wanted to be here for Tweek.

“It happened l-last year. I got this n-new therapist. At first he w-was just really nice. Like o-overly nice. Always complimenting m-me and being supportive. It s-started out innocent. He w-would touch me a lot. He’d p-put his hand on my shoulder or m-my knee. He’d t-tell me how I was b-better than his wife. He was s-so nice and I was s-so lonely I kind of a-ate it up. Then one d-day he kissed me.”

I feel like I can’t breathe. I knew where this was going and I did not like it one bit. Tweek was taken advantage of when he was sixteen and I wasn’t sure how to handle that.

“After he k-kissed me it started happening a l-lot. Then eventually t-that leads to more. We s-started sleeping together. And the whole time h-he was just so good t-to me! I t-thought I loved him…” Tweek quietly admits. The most chilling thing about this story is the fact that Tweek wears a bright smile as he speaks. He takes a deep breath and continues. “Then o-one day his wife walked i-in on us. They got into a h-huge fight and sent me h-home.

“Then at my next appointment I w-walk in and he was just hanging there. H-Hanging from the ceiling. He killed h-himself! Because of what we did.” Tweek starts laughing. “I had t-to go to court because of i-it you know. But there’s not a whole l-lot you can do to punish a dead m-man for his crimes. His w-wife blamed me though. She confronted me o-one day. Started screaming a-about how it was all my fault. T-That I was a home wrecker. They h-have a daughter. I took a-away a girl’s father because I w-was selfish.”

Tweek goes silent and stares at our feet. I squeeze his hand and tug him a little closer to me. Unsure what to do I pull him against me and wrap my arms around his waist. He’s limp against me for a moment before he eventually hugs me back. After a few moments we pull apart and I watch as Tweek nervously gnaws on his lower lip.

“You’re not selfish Tweek. He took advantage of you. You were just a child,” I settled on saying.

Tweek laughs and shakes his head. “T-That’s one way to look a-at it.”

The dots in my head finally connect.

“That woman you saw when we went school shopping… That was her, wasn’t it? The wife? And daughter?”

Tweek frowns and nods. “When I s-see them I j-just feel so fucking guilty. I g-get overwhelmed.”

“Why are you telling me this now, Tweek?” I ask gently. Tweek looks up at me and smiles.

“W-When I feel like this w-what happened doesn’t hurt as much. Usually j-just thinking about w-what happened is too much f-for me. But right now I d-don’t really care. It’s just s-something that happened to me.”

The school lunch bell rings and I glance over to watch people herd their way into the building for class. Instead of heading towards the school I pull Tweek towards the gate that leads to the outside of the school.

“Thank you for telling me Tweek. Let’s skip class. Can we go over to your place?”

“S-Sure.”

We start making the walk to Tweek’s place. The entire way he rambles on about anything and everything. I listen patiently but my mind is elsewhere. I’m just stuck thinking about the bomb Tweek dumped on me. I wasn’t upset with him or anything but I still felt like I was in shock.

We arrive at our destination and Tweek leads the way upstairs to his bedroom. When I walk in I’m bombarded with the smell of paints. A look around the room reveals stacks of paintings and a shelf full of new supplies. I almost comment on it but in the end decide against it. I figured this had to be another one of his manic things. We settle down on the bed.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you. I’m sorry you had to go through all of this alone,” I suddenly blurt out. Honestly I felt kind of guilty. Tweek on the other hand shakes his head with that same elated smile he’s been wearing all afternoon.

“It’s okay. You’re a-allowed to get angry.”

I grab his hand and squeeze it. “Will you call the doctor and schedule an appointment with them?”

“Do I h-have to?” Tweek asks in a small voice. I look him in the eyes and nod.

“Yes Tweek, you really need to. I’m right here. I’ll be right by your side while you call,” I offer with a smile. Tweek sighs and nods.

“Okay I’ll s-schedule an appointment w-with my psychiatrist.”

Tweek picks up his phone and makes the call. Five minutes later he had an appointment at the end of the week. I was proud of him for actually going through with it.

“I d-don’t want this feeling to end…” Tweek says quietly. I look away from the window and glance at Tweek. He’s biting his lip again and his eyes are darting around the room.

“What does it feel like?”

“It’s like… it’s b-better than molly. I feel like I’m g-god. I’m s-so confident and c-creative! Everything m-makes me happy. I have all t-these ideas! And I’m n-not tired. That’s one of the b-best things. It’s like the w-world is mine. I can d-do anything,” Tweek explains with a faraway look in his eyes. “I d-don’t think I’ve ever felt t-this happy before.”

“There’s a bad side to that feeling though. You’re acting reckless. You’re doing dangerous things. You don’t care about things you would usually care about,” I point out softly. Tweek’s eyebrows furrowed together. He seems to be reflecting on what I just said. After a few moments he speaks.

“Y-Yeah… I’ve also b-been spending a lot o-of money. I know t-that usually I just try to save i-it all up. But right n-now I keep thinking what d-does it matter? Money is made to b-be spent. And I’ve been d-drinking a lot. Like almost e-every night. I’ve never l-liked alcohol so much before. But r-right now it makes me feel e-even better! It’s j-just so much fun.”

I frown and Tweek’s words make me realize that he’s messing himself up more than I initially realized. It was almost scary. It was foreign to see this other version of my boyfriend. He’s going through such a high. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll go through a low period once this is all over.

“Well it is what it is. You’re going to the doctor’s on Friday. Then he’ll put you back on medication and you’ll go back to being your usual self.” I look back out the window and reflect on this influx of new information.

“Hey C-Craig?”

“Yeah?” I ask as I turn to look at him. Tweek is sheepishly looking at the ground as he fiddles with his fingers.

“Would you get a-angry if I drank a little bit?”

I sigh and shake my head. I figure if he’s just drinking under my supervision he’s not running off to do other things. Tweek was feeling great and he wanted to feel even better. It didn’t feel like my place to stop him. Now if he was doing something dangerous I’d stop him. But drinking was relatively harmless. It’d distract him at least.

“Go ahead Tweek.”

“D-Do you want s-some?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

I end up spending the night at Tweek’s. I passed out around midnight. Every time I would wake up I’d see Tweek drinking alone and painting at his desk. When my alarm goes off at seven in the morning Tweek is still at that same desk. The half gallon sitting next to him noticeably emptier than it was when I went to bed. I sit up and rub my eyes with a yawn.

“Did you sleep at all?” I ask softly. Tweek doesn’t respond so I stand up and walk up to the desk. I put my arms around his shoulders and he jumped slightly.

“Oh C-Craig. I didn’t hear you w-wake up,” Tweek murmurs as he sets down his paintbrush. I look down at the painting he’s currently working on. It’s of a girl with her arm stretched out and a brilliant blue butterfly resting on her finger. It was honestly pretty damn good. I didn’t realize Tweek could actually paint.

“Really? You didn’t hear my alarm going off?”

“N-No…”

“Your painting looks good.” Tweek turns the chair so I remove my arms from around his shoulders. The blonde smiles up at me. He leans forward and wraps his arms around my waist. I can’t help but smile in response and wrap my arms around his neck.

“T-Thank you. I finished a couple of o-other ones last night too.”

I get a whiff of Tweek’s breath and wince. He smelled like straight up vodka.

“How much did you drink last night?”

“I d-don’t know. I never r-really stopped,” Tweek admits sheepishly. I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

“Are you still drunk right now?”

Tweek laughs. “Oh y-yeah.”

I think about Token and Clyde and the fact I still haven’t talked to them. One of the last things I said to them was that I was thinking of breaking up with Tweek. And now Tweek was drunk at seven in the morning. There’s no way I could tell Token to pick us up. Token already is unhappy with Tweek. Tweek going to school drunk would just make him even more upset. That is if Tweek can even go to school.

“Are you able to go to school?”

“Y-Yeah, I should be f-fine. I went to school d-drunk last week. It honestly m-made school a lot more f-fun,” Tweek says brightly.

“Okay… well then, do you have a shirt I can borrow?” There was no way I was going to school in the same clothes as yesterday. The pants I could get away with but wearing the same shirt two days in a row is pretty obvious. I could swing by my house but that would require me to leave like right now.

“I s-should have something b-big enough to fit you.” Tweek stands up and walks over to his closet. He slides open the door and rifles through his clothing for a few minutes. He settles on a black sweater that he hands to me. I quickly pull it on and while it’s pretty snug it does somewhat fit.

“Thanks,” I tell Tweek. He looks over his shoulder and smiles at me. He turns back to the closet and pulls out a green long sleeve shirt for himself. I watch as he pulls off the sweater he’s currently wearing. I haven’t seen Tweek shirtless very often. My eyes immediately snap to his arms and I grimace. The tissue was riddled with dark pink scars. It was honestly pretty fucking macabre. But at least there weren't any fresh injuries.

Before I even know what I’m doing I’m crossing the distance between us and grabbing Tweek’s hands. I turn his arms over so I can get a better look at his scars. Hesitantly I trace over a few gently with my fingers. Tweek is silent but let me do what I want. These scars were the physical proof of Tweek’s mental war. It made my chest feel tight and it got a little harder to breathe.

“Have you hurt yourself at all recently?” I ask gently. I look into Tweek’s eyes and he shakes his head.

“No. I g-get urges sometimes but I’ve been g-good. I haven’t hurt m-myself since we s-started working together.”

I lift up one of his arms and place a soft kiss on his scarred wrist. I make my way up his arm leaving gentle kisses on his skin. When I get to the elbow I stop and look up at my boyfriend.

“I’m proud of you.”

Tweek flushes and his eyes cast downward. “T-Thank y-you.”

“You’re welcome.”

When it comes to lunchtime I tell Tweek to go hang out with Bebe so I could talk to the boys. Tweek had looked at me curiously but agreed nonetheless. I marched my ass into the cafeteria and sat down at our usual table. A few minutes later Token and Clyde join me.

“Spill the tea,” Clyde instantly demands. “We saw you walking with Tweek earlier.”

“Did you break up with him?” Token asks.

“I mean yes but no.”

“What does that even mean?” Clyde cries out dramatically. He drops his forehead onto the table and groans. I reach across the table and punch him in the shoulder.

“Listen to me you fucker. This is serious,” I snap. Clyde instantly straightens up and stares at me with furrowed brows. “I broke up with him and he literally did not care. Not one bit. He wasn’t acting anything like himself so I asked him what was going on. He told me he stopped taking his medication and is manic. So I took it back that I broke up with him.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense,” Clyde groans.

“He’s manic? Is he even bipolar?” Token asks softly. I look over at him and he’s staring at me intensely. I swallow thickly and shrug.

“I don’t know. But I made him schedule an appointment with his doctor.”

“If he’s manic what he did isn’t really his fault. Manic people can’t really control their actions…” Token points out thoughtfully. I nod at him.

“That’s what I figured.”

“What does it mean to be manic?” Clyde asks as he looks back and forth between Token and I. Token sighs and explains briefly what it meant. Afterwards Clyde looked thoughtful. “So I was right that he wasn’t acting like himself. Poor guy. That must be rough for him.”

I scoff and think about how much fun Tweek was having last night. “I don’t know about that. He’s actually enjoying himself.”

“What are you going to do Craig?” I shrug at Token’s question.

“Not a lot I can do. I’m just going to be there for Tweek. Keep an eye on him, you know? Hopefully he’ll be back to normal soon.” I look across the cafeteria and spot Tweek sitting next to Bebe. He’s laughing but I can’t help but feel worried for him.

Chapter Text

Friday afternoon is my appointment with the psychiatrist. Per Craig’s insistence I behaved for the most part during the few days before my appointment. I went to school, I didn’t go to any more parties, and I didn’t binge drink everyday. I still wasn’t sleeping much at all but I was functioning. Craig stopped switching his work schedule with Bebe so we even worked a shift or two together.

I was extremely nervous to go to this appointment. It was someone new and I hadn’t seen anyone new in a long time. The thought of sitting in an office with a mental health professional just brought back flashbacks of the whole Bentley mess. You know… the mess with my old therapist? Craig being the doting boyfriend he is agreed to come with me to the appointment.

Currently I sat in a lobby chair next to the noirette as we waited to be called into the office. I had pent up energy coursing through me and the only way I knew to expel some of that energy was by shaking my leg vigorously. Craig glances at me apprehensively. Our eyes meet and he raises his eyebrows at me, obviously expressing concern. I shrug half heartedly and smile.

I’m nervous but I don’t feel bad. I’m still being pumped full of energy and positive giddy emotions. It reminds me that I’m still in this supposed manic state.

“Tweek Tweak?” The receptionist suddenly calls out. Immediately I bolt up to a standing position and start marching my way to the receptionist. Craig follows behind me a little slower. Once I reach the woman she eyes me up and down. “Do you have your insurance card?”

“Y-Yes!” I squeak as I thrust the card at the woman. She takes the card and inputs the necessary information into her system. I drum my fingers on the counter. After a few moments of this Craig reaches out and grabs my hand. I glance at him shyly and he just smiles softly at me.

“We’ll mail you the bill. Dr. Henderson will see you now.” The woman stands up and leads us to the door on her left. She knocks then opens the door and gestures for us to go inside.

The room we enter reminds me too much of the office I used to sit in weekly. I push back the flashbacks and approach the wide desk. In front of it are two chairs so I apprehensively take one of them. Craig sits in the other. Behind the desk a blond sturdily built psychiatrist smiles at us.

“Which one of you is Tweek?” Dr. Henderson asks. I don’t react and just eye him up and down warily. After a moment Craig speaks up.

“That would be him.”

My boyfriend rudely elbows me and I glance over and shoot him a glare.

“T-That is me!” I nervously exclaim. The jitters start affecting me again and I start tapping my foot rapidly.

“Is there anything specific that brings you in today?”

I look down at my feet and refuse to say anything. I was still struggling to see how I could possibly be manic. It was a miracle I was here at all.

“I’m pretty sure Tweek is bipolar. He’s been acting manic for the last two weeks,” Craig explains for me.

“How old are you Tweek?”

“A-Almost eighteen,” I mutter while still staring at my tapping feet.

“Is this the first manic episode you’ve experienced?” I could feel the weight of Dr. Henderson’s gaze on me. I hesitantly nod.

“Could you explain some of these symptoms you’re experiencing that suggest you are manic?”

After a stretch of silence I see the psychiatrist glance at Craig from the corner of my eye. Craig sighs and sits up straighter.

“Tweek has been drinking almost daily. He’s unnaturally happy. He isn’t sleeping at all. He’s doing crazy shit- I mean stuff- that he would never normally do,” he explains.

“And you said this has started about two weeks ago? Did anything trigger the episode?”

This question makes Craig hesitate but after a moment he speaks up. “We had gotten into a fight a few days before this all started.”

Dr. Henderson goes through a list of symptoms with us. I nod or shake my head in response to each symptom. After what felt like an eternity he finished. I finally look up as the blonde doctor turns to his computer and starts typing at a rapid pace. Now that the questions seemed to be over I felt less nervous and my foot tapping slows down. After a good five minutes he finishes typing and turns back to us. As soon as his eyes is back on me I lower my gaze back to my feet.

“I believe its quite simple to agree that Tweek has Bipolar One.” I frown and try to process this new fact but it sends my thoughts spiraling. If a professional tells me I have bipolar I can’t really keep denying it, can I? “I’ve gone ahead and sent several prescription orders over to your pharmacy. They should help out with leveling out your mood and symptoms. As for the current manic episode, it may go away on its own with some time. If not, after a week or two the medications should kick in and put a stop to the episode. My assistant out front is printing you a packet that goes into depth about Bipolar One. It should help answer any questions you have. Before we end this appointment is there any questions you have at this moment?”

Craig glances at me and no matter how hard he tries I can still see the disappointment in his eyes. After a few seconds he glances back at the Dr. “I think we’re okay. Thank you.”

“Alright, well it was nice to meet you Tweek. In the lobby I’ll have my assistant schedule you a follow up appointment in a months time.”

“T-Thank you…” I murmur as Craig and I stand. I follow my boyfriend out of the room. There’s already someone talking to the receptionist so we stand a few feet away and wait.

I jerk in surprise when I feel a hand reach out and grab my own. I glance up at Craig who’s watching me with a heavy gaze.

“You alright Tweekers?”

I took a second to reflect on that question. Was I alright? A part of me was in denial over everything. Another part of me was angry at Craig for bringing me here. But there was also a part of me that was relieved to have answers and a treatment plan.

“I’m f-fine,” I pull my hand away from Craig. From the corner of my eye I see him frown but I ignore the guilt that fills me with.

At that moment the man in front of us finishes talking to the assistant. Craig and I step forward.

“Alright, I have the packet Dr. Henderson wanted me to print out for you.” She holds out a decent sized stack of papers and I ruefully take it from her. “When would he like to see you next?”

“In a month,” Craig supplies. The two of them get an appointment scheduled and then she hands over a business card with my appointment date and time on it.

We walk out of the building in silence. The silence remains as we get in the car and Craig starts in the direction of my house. A few minutes pass before Craig sharply looks at me.

“Are you mad at me?” I ignore Craig and keep staring out the window at the passing buildings. “Tweek, what’s up with you?” I feel a hand reach out and touch my knee. Without thinking I slap it away. “You are mad.” Something in me snaps at being told how I felt.

“Y-Yeah I’m fucking m-mad!” There’s a pressure in my chest that feels as if it’s ready to explode. “You m-made me go and do t-that! I didn’t w-want to go! I don’t need s-some stupid doctor telling me what I m-may or may not have. I’m n-not bipolar… I can’t be b-bipolar. I d-don’t want to take s-stupid pills for the rest of my life. F-Fuck that!”

“Tweek! Calm down. You need help.” Craig keeps glancing from the road to me.

“Fuck y-you! Pull over.”

“What? I’m not going to pull over.”

“P-Pull over or g-god damn it, I w-will jump out of the c-car while it’s moving.” My chest is heaving with my rapid breathing. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or punch something.

“Fuck Tweek! Fine, fine.” Craig rapidly pulls over as a car honks at us in the process. Before he’s even put the car in park I’m jumping out of the passenger side. Craig scrambles out of the car to chase after me as I start walking down the sidewalk.

“Where are you going? Get back in the car.”

“Don’t follow m-me Craig, I’m w-walking home. Just go h-home and leave me a-alone.”

“What are you talking about?” Craig catches up to me and tries to touch my shoulder but I jerk away from him. I do not want to be touched right now. “I’m not going to just leave you. I’m pretty sure all this anger is just another symptom of your episode.”

“I don’t f-fucking care what i-it is! Just l-leave me the fuck alone,” I snap. I cross my arms and start walking faster. To my annoyance Craig just keeps up with me. “I don’t need your f-fucking help Craig.”

“Tweek, you need to calm down.”

“Don’t t-tell me to calm down!” I abruptly stop walking and turn to look Craig in the eye. “You’re d-dragging me down Craig! You d-don’t care about me, you’re just s-so desperate for someone to s-save you that you’re c-clinging to me. I’m tired o-of it, you’re suffocating me!” Craig stares at me back with a scowl written on his face. After a moment he huffs and looks away.

“You know what? Fuck you Tweek. Have it your way.” Craig turns and starts heading back towards the car. I thought I’d feel better making Craig leave me. Instead I just feel empty inside.

I frown and continue walking as I head towards home.

When I get home I felt a little better after the half hour walk. Of course nothing can go right though. Parked outside of our house is a police car and anxiety starts to bubble inside me. I slowly enter the house. In the living room I spot my parents and an officer sitting on the couches. I pause inside the doorway as I wonder if I could sneak upstairs to my room. That’s when I spot my weed and molly stash laying on the coffee table.

“W-What the fuck?”

All eyes turn on me. My father stands up as my mother begins to cry.

“Tweek you are in big trouble young man. We saw the video of you at that party. We asked Officer Miles to search through your room and I am very disappointed at what he found.” Panic rushes through me as I try to figure out how to get out of this mess. The officer stands up and starts to approach me.

“I-It’s not what it l-looks like,” I feebly lie. I feel tears gather in my eyes and I try my hardest to push them away.

“Tweek I’m afraid your parents have asked me to arrest you. And on account of possession I have the right to.” The officer recites the Miranda rights and my mind goes blank. This couldn’t be real, could it? I had to be having some crazy nightmare. Everything had to be one hellish nightmare. Why would my parents turn against me like that?

The officer reaches me and gently pushes on my shoulder to turn me around. The cold sting of metal bites at my wrists as he cuffs me. Finally the dam inside me breaks and tears spill over my cheeks.

“Mom… D-Dad? W-Why would you do t-this to me? I’m your o-only son!” I look back and forth between my parents but they refuse to meet my eye.

“Son, you need help. Maybe this will set you straight.”

“Let’s go Tweek,” the officer gently says.

The next 36 hours was something straight out of my nightmares. I was in holding for over a day before I had a court hearing on my case. As the drug possesion was my first offense I guess they went easy on me but it really didn’t feel that way. They weren’t going to try me as an adult and they weren’t sending me to juvie but they did stick me with six months of probation before I would get another hearing to discuss my progress. I was only allowed to go to school and work. The rest of the time I’d be locked up at home. On top of that I had to attend narcotics anonymous.

The two week manic high I was feeling is completely gone. Instead there’s a crushing weight on my chest suffocating me. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from spiraling. When it came time for me to be released my dad came and picked me up. The car ride was silent and tense. When I finally got home I plugged in my dead cellphone and collapsed into bed. I looked around my room at the mess of paints and paintings and frown. Life felt so good and simple just a few days ago.

I was also reminded of the cruel words I last said to Craig. It felt as if there was a blockage in my throat. I frown and try to focus on my breathing but it was damn near impossible. It didn’t take long until I was unable to hold the tears back and I started to sob into my pillow. I felt terrible.

I don’t know how long I cried for but by the time I looked up from my pillow it was dark outside. I turn over in bed and grab my phone. I power it on and my phone starts dinging with notifications. I had a few missed calls from Craig and several texts from him asking if we could talk. I had a text from Bebe asking for the work schedule. Lastly I had a message from Kenny asking what was up.

I opened Craig’s contact information and called him. The phone rang a couple of times before he finally picked up.

“Tweek,” Craig said simply.

I had no control over the sobs that immediately started to pour out of me.

“Shit dude, you okay?”

“Please come o-over. I n-need you. I’m s-so sorry for what I said. I didn’t m-mean any of it!” I rub my eyes furiously as I try to calm down.

“What’s going on with you? You just ignored me for a whole day and a half? And now this?”

“I’ll explain w-when you get here.”

Craig sighed and was silent for a few moments.

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

“Thank you!”

Craig hung up and I was left alone with my thoughts again. I kept thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made that’s led to this moment.

Twenty minutes later Craig texts me that he’s here and I sluggishly walk downstairs to let him in. When I open the front door our eyes meet before I quickly look away. I gesture for him to follow me and then we make our way upstairs to my room. Once I get to my room I sit down on my bed. Craig closes the door behind himself and then sits down in my desk chair.

“Would you care to explain yourself?”

I figured the simplest way to explain this was to show Craig. I grab my pant leg and pull it up to reveal my ankle monitor. Craig’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He bolts out of his seat and steps forward to touch the weight on my ankle.

“What the fuck is this?”

“M-My parents had me arrested. I’m on p-probation.” A few tears leak out of my eyes but I’m honestly just proud I didn’t start sobbing again.

“Had you arrested? Over what?”

I explained to Craig about my parents seeing the video and the cop finding drugs in my room. I explain being in jail and the punishments that came out of it. By the time I finished Craig looked disappointed but also concerned.

“Shit Tweek, this is serious, you know? And why did you even have molly? I thought you said you weren’t doing it anymore.”

“I k-know,” I whimper as I stare dejectedly down at my hands. “It was j-just some I bought impulsively when I w-was manic. I never actually d-did any of it.” It was a straight up lie but I couldn’t find it in me to tell the truth.

“You’re lucky it’s not going onto your permanent record.”

“What do I d-do?”

“Behave. You’re being drug tested now so don’t fuck that up. Follow the rules. I’ll see you at school and work and I’ll come visit you. You’re not alone in dealing with this,” Craig promised with a half smile. By now he was sitting next to me on the bed and I let my weight drop to the side as I rest against him.

“I f-fucked up.”

“It’s okay.”

“A-Are you mad at me?” I ask in a very small voice. Craig inhales and exhales deeply and slowly. After a moment his arm rises and wraps around my shoulders.

“I was, but not so much anymore.”

Don’t ask me how but by the time Monday rolled around everyone seemed to know about my probation. I had texts from people I didn’t even know knew my number asking about it. As part of the agreement with probation my parents drove me to school. Since being arrested my parents had barely said a word to me. I was just glad they were letting Craig come over at all. The drive to school was silent and by the time I got there I was actually thankful.

The first person I ran into was Kenny. He had texted and called me several times yesterday but I ignored it all. He cornered me in the senior hallway and pulled me directly to the bathrooms.

“Tweek I heard what happened.” I didn’t know how to respond to that so instead I stared at my feet. “Are you okay?”

“I’m f-fine.”

“Did they ask you where you got the drugs?”

“Y-Yes.”

“You didn’t tell them, did you?”

“Of c-course not.”

Kenny sighed and rubbed my hair with a smile. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the mirror. “Thanks Tweekers. I know how that shit works. They would have let you off with a lighter sentencing if you told the truth.”

It was true. They asked me time after time who I bought the drugs from. But I couldn’t turn Kenny in like that.

“It’s n-nothing man.”

“If you need anything let me know, okay? You’re my friend dude. I can’t just leave you hanging. Besides, if I never have given you the drugs you wouldn’t be in this position.” Kenny tells me softly. I shake my head and nervously scratch my elbow.

“I’m fine. Thanks t-though.”

I turn to leave and Kenny lets me.

It’s between first and second period that the next person stops me. I know I shouldn’t be but I’m a little surprised to see Token approach me. He’s frowning and won’t meet my eyes but her firmly walks up and leans against the locker next to mine.

“I heard what happened.”

I roll my eyes and look back in my locker as I switch textbooks. “Who h-hasn’t?”

“I don’t agree with the molly, you know that, but I still hope you do okay. If you need anything let me know. You’re manic. It’s not exactly your fault,” Token points out with a shrug.

I speak without thinking. “W-Was manic,” I mutter.

Token falters and looks at me with raised eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

I swallow and straighten up. “I w-was manic. I’m not anymore.”

Before I said it out allowed I didn’t even realize that was true. Being arrested pulled me out of one episode and thrust me onto the opposite spectrum. My general existence usually feels pretty crappy but right now I felt like shit reincarnated.

“Oh. Well it’s good to have you back to normal.” Token is wearing a small smile. He pats me on the shoulder right as the bell rings. He says goodbye to me and walks off towards his class.

The rest of the school day goes in a similar fashion. People I was vaguely friendly with approached me and spoke with me about my arrest. It was draining. I already felt so tired but now I wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. My normal state of being runs off very little sleep but for some reason I was ready to pass out. Unfortunately Craig and I had work after school.

My dad picks up Craig and I and takes us directly to the shop. An hour after we arrive my parents leave and Craig and I are left to our own devices. Considering I always used to smoke weed at work I get the craving and it makes me scowl in irritation. This wasn’t fair. The shop is empty so I head out back of the shop and crouch down and light a cigarette. Chain smoking makes me feel a little better. The fire in my lungs was a burn that reminded me that I was still alive. Because I felt pretty damn dead right about now.

My mind is hazy and it feels as if I’m going through a dream rather than real life. Nothing felt real. Not the arrest, not the manic episode that just ended, and not me. I didn’t feel like a real person. I was a puppet going through the motions.

I’m on my fourth cigarette when Craig comes outside and joins me. Rather than lighting his own cigarette he crouches down and grabs mine and takes a long drag. We pass the cancer stick back and forth until I put it out. And then I immediately light a new one. It’s when I pass the fresh cigarette to Craig that he finally speaks.

“What are you thinking about?”

I almost laugh because honestly what wasn’t I thinking about? I had so many answers to that question and yet none of them felt right. After a long moment I reply with a bitter smile.

“Absolutely n-nothing.”

Craig seems to sense I was in a bad mood and he gives me space throughout our shift. It’s probably the quietest shift we’ve worked together since becoming friends again but I can’t find it in me to really care. People had been talking to me all day and I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. When 9 pm hits we close the shop and start cleaning. We’re on the final task when Craig pauses and comes up to me and puts his finger under my chin and tilts my head to look at him.

“Do you want me to come over after work?” Craig looks so caring and concerned it makes my heart hurt. I was nothing but trouble for Craig. I’m fucked in the head and the noirette is always having to take care of me. How was that fair? What did I have to offer him?

I don’t know whether I want him to come over not. A big part of me doesn’t want to be alone but another part of me wants nothing but to be alone. After a moment I sigh and shake my head.

“I’m okay.” Craig studies me for a moment before he finally nods and returns back to cleaning.

This pattern continues for the next two weeks. I go through school uncaring, I work with Craig or Bebe, then I go home. My time is spent in a haze. As more time passes the worst I feel. Most of the time my thoughts are next to non existent so it’s not too bad. But other times my mind overworks. I think about anything and everything that has or will go wrong. My parents still aren’t talking to me. Craig comes over every other day but it still leaves me alone half the time. It’s like I’m stuck in a state of feeling either nothing at all or everything at once.

The one thing that was new to me was how tired I always am. My room still remained messy and covered in paints and paintings because I have no energy to clean my mess from when I was manic. And to make matters worst I started self harming again. I didn’t tell Craig. I was too ashamed and embarrassed. I was such a drag and I didn’t want to make things worse. It’s exactly two weeks later, a friday night, when things get really bad.

Craig had offered to come over but he was invited to Token’s for a game night so I insisted he go. He was still texting me consistently though which is more than I could ask for. This night in particular my thoughts were spiraling. Dark thoughts had been plaguing my mind for days but today it was all I could think about.

What could I truly offer this world? I was bipolar now. Or I guess I’ve always been bipolar. But now I’m a whole new definition of unstable. I’m only going to continue to have episodes as time goes on. I was a horrible student and knew college was most likely not an option. What was I going to do with the rest of my life? Work in my parents coffee shop? That sounded miserable.

In fact everything about the future sounded miserable. What even was the point of it all? What would I get or give out of it?

One thing new about my parents is my mother started drinking. My parents rarely drink alcohol but now I knew for a fact there was a box of 14% white wine downstairs. Once the realization struck me I knew that was my solution. When I was manic alcohol had made my mood even better. That meant alcohol would make me feel better now, wouldn’t it?

I tape a large gauze to my arm and throw my sweater back on. I tiptoe downstairs considering it was nearing eleven at night and my parents were asleep. I open the fridge and grab the entire box of wine. I reach into the cupboard and grab a wine glass. With my fixings in hand I turn around and sneak back upstairs. Once safely back in my own room I turn on some music and settle down in my bed with a glass of wine.

I know you’re supposed to fill wine glasses only partially. But the concept of having to refill my glass every ten minutes doesn’t appeal to me so I fill the entire glass up completely. I knew if Bebe was here she’d scold me. She’d laugh at my antics but she’d defintely scold me. As I start chugging wine I continue to contemplate on my existence.

I couldn’t help but think about Craig. Wouldn’t he do better without me? Without having to worry and care for me? He’d be free to find a new partner. All I did was fight and hurt him. He deserved better.

In fact everyone deserved better than me.

What was the point of suffering through this painful existence?

I was on my fifth glass by now and I will throughly admit I’m drunk. The alcohol made me feel better in a weird way but I still didn’t feel great. But one thought did occur to me. I had the power to end it all. I didn’t have to go through this. I could embrace darkness and lay in a bed of nothingness. And it sounded so nice. It sounded so peaceful. Now that the decision was made I felt giddy. I felt relieved and happy. Okay, maybe I was a little hysterical.

I giggle to myself as I sway slightly and hum along to the melancholic beat coming from my phone. I never knew death could be so peaceful. I finish my glass of wine and set it on my nightstand. I stand up and laugh as I can’t stand up straight. I step into the hall and into my bathroom. On the counter is my medication. I have one prescription of sleeping pills that was prescribed to me for when I really needed them. I didn’t like how they made me feel so I rarely take them. I have almost thirty pills in this bottle. I close my hand around the bottle and make my way back to my room.

I refill my wine glass partially and sit back down on my bed.

Now that I had made up my mind my thoughts were blissfully silent. I just felt joy over the fact that soon this would all be over.

I open the pill bottle and dump half the contents into my hand. With no hesitation I pop them all into my mouth and swallow. After a few seconds I shrug and pour the rest of the bottle into my hand and swallow those down too.

I drown the rest of my wine and lay back against my pillows. I smile as I stare at the ceiling. A second later my phone buzzes with a text notification. I pick up my phone and see a message from Craig.

Craig: I miss you Tweekers

Guilt surges through me as I read that message. He’ll really miss me soon. Oh god. What have I done? With shaky hands I type a response to him.

Tweek: I’m sorry Craig. Please don’t hate me. I fucked up

Less than a minute later my phone starts buzzing with an incoming call. I consider ignoring the call but after a moment of hesitation I answer.

“H-Hello?”

“Tweek?” Craig’s voice sounds tense and concerned. I hear voices in the background. “What’s going on?”

“I’m s-s-sorry!” I choke out as a sob breaks free from my throat. I had felt so at peace not that long ago. But now I just felt so guilty. I didn’t regret taking those pills. But I regret how it’ll hurt people I care about.

“Tweek what did you do?” Craig sounded so patient and worried it made my guilt worst. He should get mad at me and yell at me. Why was he always so sweet?

“It’s o-okay, I’ll fix it. I’ll t-throw it up.”

“Throw it up? What did you take? Did you take molly?” I shake my head then realize he can’t see me.

“N-No.” I sit up and a strong wave of dizziness wipes through me.

“What did you take Tweekers? I need to know.”

I wipe at the tears streaming down my face.

“I d-drank a lot of my moms wine. And t-then I took sleeping pills.”

“Shit Tweek. You’re not supposed to mix those two. You just take one?”

“No. No Craig. I t-took all of them.”

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Okay. That’s okay Tweek. I’m on my way over right now.” Through the phone I hear a door slam. “How much is all of them?”

“Almost thirty,” I whisper feeling ashamed.

“Thirty? Shit. Okay. Can you meet me outside? We need to go to the hospital. How long ago did you take them?” I sigh and stand up on shaky legs. I slowly make my way down the stairs.

“I didn’t take t-them that long ago. A little bit before y-you called me.”

The next ten minutes is a little fuzzy as I wait for Craig. I sit on the step to my front door and sleepily talk to Craig on the phone as he drives. Before I know it Craig is leaning over me and helping me stand. The drive to the hospital is a blur and I faintly remember Craig helping me into a wheelchair. The last thing I remember is Craig leaning over me and pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. After that all I know is the darkness.