Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sally:  Okay, neighbors, places~!

    Julie: Frank!  Where's Wally's broom?

    Frank: I'm using it, there's sawdust all over the place.  I'm sure sawdust wasn't in our town's founding.

    Barnaby: Cept when each of us 'saw dust' when first moved in!

    Frank: Urg....  Barnaby.

    Howdy(walks in): Y/n's got a wardrobe problem.  Said to start the prologue without 'em.

    Sally: Is Poppy with Y/n?

    Poppy(comes running in): I'm here, I'm here!  Y/n said they can finish the rest.  Hooo!  I am a full nest of nerves...

    Sally: Completely normal for a true artist, Poppy.  Just breathe, Julie and I will be right with you the entire time.  Follow us if you fall out of sync, all right?  The chorus sticks together.

    Poppy:  Well... That does make me feel better.  I appreciate you stepping down from a lead role for me, Sally.

    Sally:  Not at all.  Honestly, after pre-recording the music, painting the sets and props with Wally, choreography planning, and directing...(breathes out) I just want to see my masterpiece come together.

    Eddie(comes in holding the script):  Uh...I got question for the director?  Is this really how our town was founded?

    Sally:  No, no, no, Eddie!  I said it was 'A' town's founding story.  Not 'Our' town's founding story!

    Eddie: Ooooh!  But some of these lyrics look oddly familiar, Sally.  Won't the other town's people be mad?

    Sally:  Dear Eddie.... This is art!  Inspired by another great masterpiece.  Stimulated by catchy songs, and reimagined for a new audience.  But, to respect the real artists, I've changed a few roles and lyrics to fit our needs.  It was just easier for everyone to keep their own names.

    Frank: So, we're doing a parody?

    Sally: Parody, tribute... A musical!  One with a role for all of my beloved neighbors!

Frank:  Well, I do appreciate my name being next to my lines.  But why’d you have to cast me as some kind of bossy jerk, Sally?

Barnaby:  Type casting?  Hee hee!

Frank(angrily):  Barnaby!

Julie:  Barnaby, that was mean!  We’ve been working weeks on the songs, and the dancing, and colors, and the hippos and-

Poppy:  Hippos!?

Sally:  Julie, there aren’t any hippos in the story.

Julie:  I know…. So I invited them to sit in the audience!

Sally:  Well, that’s… fine I suppose.  Um, a diverse audience is quite the compliment.  Is Y/n at least able to do their job as the narrator for now?

    Y/n(from off stage): I've got my microphone and script right here, Sally! 

    Sally: Perfect!  Let’s not waste any more time.  Lights!  Places, actors! It's showtime!  I’ve got the ‘play’ button!  Wait for your cues.

    The curtain closes, and Y/n as the Narrator waits for her cue in the music.

  Narrator:  On the twenty-second day of the month of September

in an early year of a decade not too long before our own,

the human race suddenly encountered a deadly

threat to its very existence.

And this terrifying enemy surfaced,

as such enemies often do,

in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places.

(The curtain opens to Home , taking up the backdrop.  Lights flash and dance as Sally, Julie and Poppy enter left stage in matching purple dresses!)

[Sally, Julie, Poppy]

Little house, little house-ah horrors.

Little house, little house-ah terror.

Call a cop. Little house-ah horrors.

No, oh, oh, no-oh!

Little house, little house-ah horrors.

Bop sh'bop, little house-ah terror.

Watch 'em drop! Little house-ah horrors.

No, oh, oh, no-oh!

Shing-a-ling, what a creepy thing

to be happening!

Shang-a-lang, feel the sturm

and drang in the air.

Sha-la-la, stop right where you are.

Don't you move a thing.

You better (tellin' you, you better)

Tell your neighbor somethin's gonna

get her

She better (ev'rybody better)

Beware!

Little house, little house-ha horrors.

Bop sh-bop, you'll never stop

the terror.

Little house, little house-ha horrors.

No, oh, oh, no, oh, oh, no, oh, oh, no!

Chapter Text

[At the end of the song a blue sheet drapes over the front of Home, making it look like the blue sky. Frank sits reading a newspaper on a stool on stage right.  Wally is to the right by some flower beds, sweeping the floor.]

Frank(sighing):  Thirty-six years as a traveling flower salesman, and what’s it added up to?  I find everything by the side of the road!  My wares.  My lunch  This thrown out news paper in the same garbage can as lunch.  Even this dumb bum.

Wally:  Did you say lunch, Mr.  Frankly?

Frank:  No, Wally, you brainless bumbler!  After you got us chased outta Beesburg, you’re working for your lunch!  Half a year’s product sent down the river all cause you couldn’t miss the Honey Festival…ya beesly bum.

Wally:  We’ll have more beautiful flowers soon, Mr. Frankly.  Some one will come and buy them.

Frank:  Oh?  And just how do you think they will find us?  Ya lost our cart and sign down the river too!

Wally: I’m sorry, Mr. Frankly.

Frank:  Sorry don’t fill stomachs!  Maybe if you’re lucky, our newest member will bring you a snack.

(Y/n comes running in from stage right.)

Y/n:  I’m sorry I’m late Mr. Frankly!  Howdy wouldn’t let me go until all the bowling balls got back on the shelf.

Frank:  Is that how ya got that black eye?

Y/n(turns facing the audience revealing black eye make-up on left eye):  Oh!  No, that’s from when one of Howdy’s hands hit me in the eye when talkin’ to a customer.

Wally:  Did he say sorry?

Y/n:  No, Wally.  He said ‘Get off the floor we got customers.’

( Y/n starts to help Wally with the flowers in the nearby bed, while Frank sighs in disgust.)

Frank:  What’s it comin’ two when ya need two jobs to survive?  What’s my life comin’ to when the only place that’ll let be set up is a barren field!?

Y/n:  It’s just for a while Mr.  Frankly.  I promise the extra money will help us all get by. 

Frank:  Yeah, yeah… don’t think I’ve forgotten you owe us, Y/n.  That ex-boyfriend of yours, Sunny was it?  We can help ya run, but I ain’t getting’ in no scraps.

Wally:  I’ll help you if he follows us, Y/n. 

Y/n:  You’re so sweet, Wally.  Here, Howdy gave some snack cakes that were about to expire!

(Y/n takes the packages cakes and hands one to Wally.  He hold it like it’s a teddy bear.  Y/n gives one to Frank too.  Who pockets it.)

Frank(snorts in disgust):  Look at us three vagrants.  We got no roof, no shelter; we beg for our food.  The best company we get is a con-artist salesman in the next town, animals that wanna eat us alive, and the other bums passing through.

Wally:  Barnaby is pretty nice. 

Frank:  And what would you know?  Huh?  Wally, you don’t even have a hometown to return to.  Ya ever own a real house?  Able to buy fresh food?  Sleep in a warm bed?  Ha!  To me, everywhere we sit looks like skid row.

Wally: … Skid Row?  Where is that?

Y/n:  I think Frank is using a figure of speech, Wally.  Skid row means a place where all the unfortuates in life live.

Wally:  Have you ever been on Skid Row, Y/n?

Y/n:  Wally…  well, uh… Skid row is…  the difference between rich and poor…  Wally, it’s sort hard to describe simply.

 (Frank finally groans in frustration.  He slams down his newspaper and stands as the music begins.)

Skid Row

Frank:  Alarm goes off at seven and you start uptown.

You put in your eight hours for the powers that have always been.

Julie(Entering stage with Sally and Poppy behind her): Sing it, child.

Frank: 'Till it's five P.M.

Barnaby(Enters): (Then you go)

Julie, Sally, and Poppy:  Downtown, where the folks are broke, you go

Downtown, where your life's a joke, you go

Downtown, where you buy your token, you go

Home to Skid Row (Others: home to Skid Row)

Barnaby: Yes, you go

Chorus: Downtown

Eddie(Enters): Where the cabs don't stop.

Chorus: (Downtown)

Howdy(Enters):  Where the food is slop!

Chorus: Downtown, where the hot-heads flop in the snow

All:  Down on Skid Row

Chorus: Uptown, you cater to a million jerks

Downtown, you're messengers and mailroom clerks

Eating all your lunches at the hot-dog carts

The bosses take your money and they break your hearts

And Pigtown, you cater to a million boars

You disinfect terrazzo on their bathroom floors

The jobs are really menial, you make no bread

And then at the end you head (Eddie: Just one-way)

Y/n: Hometown, where the ink goo drips

(All: Hometown )

Y/n: Where your memory slips

(All: Hometown)

Y/n: Where relationships are no go

Chorus: Down on Skid Row (All others: down on Skid Row)

Chorus: Down on Skid Row (All: down on Skid Row)

All+ Chorus: Down on Skid Row!



Wally: Poor, all my life I've always been poor

I keep askin' God what I'm for

And he tells me, "Gee, I'm not sure..."

"Sweep that floor, kid!"

Oh, I started life as an orphan, a child of the street

Here on Skid Row

He took me in taught me shelter, a bed, crusts of bread and a job

Treats me like dirt, calls me a slob, which I am

So I live (All: Hometown)

That's your home address, you live

(ALL: Hometown) When your life's a mess, you live

(ALL: Hometown) Where depression's just gotta go

(ALL:  Down on Skid Row)

Y/n: Someone show me a way to get outta here

'Cause I constantly pray I'll get outta here

Please, won't somebody say I'll get outta here?

Someone gimme my shot or I'll rot here

Show me how and I will, I'll get outta here

(ALL, but Wally:  Hometown, 'cause it's dangerous)

Y/n: I'll start climbin' uphill and get outta here

(All, but Wally: Hometown, where the rainbow's just a show)

Y/n: Someone tell me I still could get outta here

Someone tell lady luck that I'm stuck here

(All: when you live)

Wally: Gee, it sure would be swell for you to wanna stay here

(All,but Wally: Hometown, past the bottom line)

Y/n: Find who, where, and why I was brought here

(All, but Wally: Hometown, go ask any lost soul, he'll know)

Wally: I'd move heaven and hell for us to stay in Skid-

Y/n: I'd do I-don't-know-what to get outta Skid

Wally: But the most of I know is Skid-!

(All Others: Hometown!)

Y/n: The people tell me there's not a way outta Skid-!

(All Others: Hometown!!!)

Y/n and Wally: But believe me, I gotta/wanna get outta/stay in-

ALL: Skid Roooooooooow!!! 

(Song ends and all, but  Frank, Y/n and Wally exit.)

Frank: Did ya get it, Walliford?

Wally:  … I think.

Frank:  I figured. Dum-dum...

( Frank walks away in a huff.)

Y/n (goes to stand next to Wally):  Mr. Frankly’s just worn down, Wally.   Don’t take it personally.

Wally:  I like Frank.  I like you too, Y/n.  So it’s okay.

Y/n:  Ohh, thanks, Wally. (hugs Wally.)

(Off-script, but Wally blushes)

Y/n: It’s too bad none of us know how to build a house.  I bet if we did, we could have a whole neighborhood in this field!  We could all stay and work here.

Wally:  Would you stay forever, Y/n?  Stop working for Howdy?  Stop running from Sunny?

Y/n:  Yeah… if I had a house, I could hide from Sunny in it.  But… I know you and Frank can only do so much to protect me.  Homes are made of wood, and wood can break.  Guess I can only run.

Wally: I-  I could-

Y/n:  You have enough to worry about, Wally.  You’re learning from Frank.  I just want to be free from… well, it’s my problem.

Wally: Are you going to leave…?

Y/n:  I don’t want to leave you, Wally.  You’re a sweetheart.  Problem is… I just can’t find the way home.

(Y/n exits stage.  The lights slowly go dark, with the only spotlight falling on Wally.)

Wally:  Home…  Why can’t here be home?

(As the light fades, a drum roll begins.  It speeds up and at the end there’s a loud BOOM!!)

Wally (unseen):  What… is that?

Chapter Text

Frank(  Enters from stage right, stretching):  Eeeeehhhh!  The walk’s hard, but the brick mattress beats the wet mud!  Up and at ‘em, Wally.  Wally?  (looks around and only finds the broom)  Oh, this is bad.  Some poor thieves have accidentally taken the most worthless thing in the universe!

(Y/n comes running in from stage left.)

Y/n:  Wally!  Mr.  Frankly!!!

Frank:  Y/n!  You were almost late!  Here, start sweepin’ the dirt from the ground.

Y/n:  Mr. Frankly!  One of Howdy’s customers came in saying they saw an angry bird on a motorcycle with maracas!  It’s Sunny!  I’ve got to hide here!  Where’s Wally?

Frank:  If he’s not stuck in a tree talkin’ to bugs, he’d better be buried alive.  After all I do, he just runs off on me!  No gratitude, I tell ya.

Y/n:  Frank!  You are always picking on him.  Wally’s a few bananna’s short of a bunch, but-

Frank:  You and that rainbow-fied greaser owe me everything!  I shouldah been lepidopterist but I… but I…!

( Frank starts holding his head and stumbles to the floor.  Y/n follows, grabbing Frank’s hand to steady him.  She looks around, confused.)

Y/n(whispering):  Frank?  What’s wrong?  Your head?  Dizziness?

Howdy (offstage):  Go, Wally, go!  Start with your line!

Wally (pushed onto stage, but jogs over):  Y/n!  Mr. Frankly!  Our problems are over!

Frank (winded, and looking at the floor):  H-How…?  How… Wally? 

Wally:  I got us a house.

Y/n (looks up abruptly):  A house? 

(Y/n helps Frank to stand up.)

Y/n (whispering to Frank):  Frank? ‘Whadda ya mean?’

Frank:  Wha-Whadda mean, knu-knucklehead?

Wally:  Follow me, I’ll show you. 

( Stage fades to dark as Wally, Y/n with Frank run off stage left.)

(The sheet is finally taken off, revealing Home.  But Home’s had a cardboard covering placed in front of them that works like a mask.  It’s painted to look dilapidated and broken, with vines growing into the window eyes.  Sally’s idea to give Home its own costume)

(Wally comes running in from stage right.  Y/n follows, looking up in awe.  Frank comes after finishing a bottle of water.)

Wally:  Ta-dah!

Y/n:  What the…?  Wally, how long has this been here?

Wally:  Since yesterday.

Frank:  Well, it ain’t aged well, has it?  Most people abandon houses where they are, not leaving them by the side of the road.

Wally:  Home wasn’t abandoned.  I paid.

Frank:  …What?

Wally:  I paid for Home to stay with us.  Now we can keep our flowers safe, keep Y/n safe and can sweep an actual-

Frank (runs over and starts shaking Wally by the shoulders): WHERE DID YOU GET THE MONEY, WALLY?!!!

Y/n (pulling Frank off Wally):  Stop!  Stop!  Mr. Frankly, calm down! 

Frank:  I handle all our cash and I kept it with me all night!  You’ve been doin’ some side-hustle!  Keepin’ me out of business!  Sabotage?!

Y/n:  Mr. Frankly!

Wally:  I wouldn’t steal from you, Mr. Frankly.  I paid with my own money.

(Y/n is between Wally and Frank.  Frank is furious.  And Wally doesn’t seem to understand the problem.)

Y/n:  Wally.  I think you’d better explain what happened before Frank loses it.  (Quickly adds) Again.

Wally:  Okay, Y/n.

  (The Chorus plus Barnably in a Chinese man costume come in. They play out what happened.)

Da-Doo

Wally: I was walkin' in the field yesterday
Chorus: Shoop, da-doo
Wally: And I passed by the place where these pretty colored trees grow
Chorus: Tree, da-doo
Wally: They sometimes give me weird and exotic fruits to eat from their branches.
Chorus:  Snip, da-doo
Wally: 'Cause, you know, you see, that strange plants are my hobby
Chorus: Da-da-da-da-da, da-doo
Wally: They didn't have anything unusual there that day
Chorus: Nope, da-doo
WALLY: So I was just about to, ya know, walk on by
Chorus: Good for you
Wally: When suddenly, and without warning
The air got cold and, even with the sun
It got very dark
And there was this strange humming sound
Like something from another world
Chorus: Da-doo
Wally:  And when the light came back, this big house was just sitting there
Chorus: Whoopsy-doo
Wally:  Just, you know, stuck in, among the trunks
Chorus: Apple Red Too
Wally: I coulda sworn it hadn't been there before
But the old Chinese man sold it to me anyways
For a dollar ninety-five
Chorus:  Sha-la-la, la-la-la
La-la-la, doo-doo

(Chorus and Barnaby exit as song ends.)

Frank: Old....CHINESE MAN?!?!?!?!?  WALLY, YOU SLOTH-BRAINED SIMPLETON!

(Y/n holds back a lunging and clawing Frank.)

Y/n:  Wally that's obviously a scam!  A house cost waaaaay more than two dollars!

Wally:  The man said one ninety-five.  I gave him two hundred.  He was friendly and let me keep five.

Frank (continuing to lunge at Wally):  A dollar and ninety-five cents is NOT a hundred and ninety-five dollars!  It’s not even 5% of that!!!

Wally: Oh.  I’m not good at math.

Y/n:  Frank!  Wally only used his own money.  You’ve lost nothing.  And… face it.  We need this house.

(Frank finally steps back and steadying his breathing.)

Frank:  Did you AT LEAST sign a paper saying this house is yours?

Wally:  I did.  ( Wally takes out a folded piece of paper and hands it to Y/n.)  The Chinese man even asked how to address the house.  I said to name it Home.

Y/n:  I… uh… think he meant a street address, Wally.  With numbers and the street name to find the house on. But we can call it Home, if you like.  ( passes the paper to Frank.)

Frank:  All this says is ‘Home was paid for with $1.95 to Mr. Bige Quan’.  (To himself)  I think that’s Chinese for beagle.  (To Y/n and Wally)  Well, I suppose this will hold up with Howdy.  He called this place ‘Middle of Nothing.’  At least we won’t be taken to court for it.

Y/n:  So, we can keep Home, Mr. Frankly?

Frank (looking up at Home):  Hmmmm....Place needs a face-lift.  And a mud-soak.  A haircut.  AND a doctor.  But… it could work.

(Y/n takes Wally’s hands as they both jump happily and cheer.)

Frank:  Slackers!

(Partying stops.  And the two stand ready like soldiers.)

Frank:  We need this place up and running, yesterday!  Y/n!

Y/n (stepping forward):  Sir.

Frank:  Run straight back to Howdy’s.  Tell him we need EVERYTHING he has to fix-up a broken home.  Hopscotch, get everything he has to REBUILD!  Tell him he owes me for hiding you from that destructive woodpecker you got on yer tail.

(Y/n goes running off-stage.)

Frank:  And you!  You found this house.  You paid for it.  So you are gonna take care of it!  Y/n comes back with supplies, you start making this a proper place of business, no whining!

Wally:  Yes, Mr. Frankly.  And you?

Frank:  This is why I’m the only brain you got, Walls.  I’ll be manning our flower spot solo.  You can use the tools we got, but no wasting.  That means time or money!  Now get a movin’!  Start cleaning up this new dump.

(Frank leaves.  Wally looks up at Home.)

Wally:  I don’t know much about fixing a house.  But Y/n and Frank are smart.  So if they say to get to work, I’ll get to work.  Should we start with a haircut?

(End Scene.)

Chapter Text

Narrator:  Wally got right to work on Home as best he could from a home repair manual.  Now, nobody claimed to have ownership of that house for a month.  Frank, Wally and Y/n thought that they were in the clear.  However, their lives were far from being easier.  Home took off some initial worries, but unforeseeably, brought on some new ones.

(Scene opens with the three having moved their ‘flower shop’ to outside of Home.  Home is no longer wearing their ‘mask’.  Frank sits around, looking board.  Y/n is tending some flowers, and Wally is sweeping.)

Frank:  Ha…  (Long pause) Well we’re up $5.49 from last month.  Which is… a hundred percent increase.

Y/n:  It’s a little crowded inside Home.  But it sure kept us and the flowers safe from that rainstorm.

Wally:  This is a lot better than before.  Now there’s four of us!

Frank:  Wally, Home isn’t…!  Ah, why not.  Talkin’ to you’s like talkin’ to a wall anyway.

Wally:  Hey, I just realized my name-

Y/n(whispers):  Wally!  Next line.

Wally:  Oh.  Home’s already improved our money problem.  Pretty soon, we’ll be able to pay back Howdy.

Y/n:  Uh… Actually, fellas.  I have an announcement.

(Both Wally and Frank turn to look at Y/n)

Y/n:  Howdy’s just fired me.

(Frank gasps.)

Wally:  Aw… that’s okay Y/n, I’m happy you can stay here.

Y/n:  I’m not quite done, Wally.  I’m fired, AND Howdy had to fire himself!

(Wally and Frank gasp.)

Frank:  Now that’s a twist. 

Wally: Why?

Y/n:  Howdy’s skipping town cause he can’t pay back the rent on his building or to his suppliers. 

Frank:  Wait, didn’t he charge us for supplies?

Y/n:  Apparently, he never kept records.  So the tab is cancelled!

Frank:  Yippee!  Free stuff!  Hey, maybe I can catch him and ‘lighten’ the travel load!  (Frank exits, yelling back.)  Man the shop, you two!

Wally:  I’m glad Mr.  Frankly is finally happy.  Home’s done a good job.  (Looks over at Y/n.)  Y/n?  You look worried.  Are you okay?

Y/n:  There’s, uh, actually some other news.

(Wally takes Y/n’s hands.)

Wally:  Then you can tell me.  You can tell me anything, Y/n.

Y/n:  O-Okay (Takes a deep breath.  Then speaks quietly.)  SunnyandIgotbacktogether.

Wally:  Huh?  Could you say that again?  I couldn’t hear you.

Y/n: Sunny and I got back together.

Wally:  Wait a second.  Let me- (Pats sides of head with hands)  Huh, I don’t have any ears to clean.

Y/n(yells):  SUNNY AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER!!!

(Long pause.)

Wally:  …What?

Y/n:  With Howdy gone, we’ll still need more income now for Home’s stuff along with our own stuff.  Sunny came into the store, he’s said he’s changed, and if I become his dance partner again we can split the money.

Wally:  No… No, no, no!  He’s bad for you. He’s mean to you.

Y/n:  But he can get us money, Wally!  Money we need for Home and us, and…  I guess something always just pulls me to Sunny.  He’s handsome, charming, sweet sometimes…

Wally:  Don’t go away with him, Y/n!  Stay here!  Stay home!

Y/n:  Wally… (Y/n gently pulls her hands out of Wally’s) I’m sorry.  But there’s really no way I can turn down Sunny’s offer.  He seems really sorry this time.  Maybe… Maybe if I can keep up with him…. I… I don’t know!

Wally:  But…  But we have Home.  We have walls and a roof.

Y/n:  But money, Wally!  We were reliant on my job with Howdy for money.  For food, firewood, water.  And Mr. Frankly will just cut me off anyway if I don’t bring something to the team.

(Y/n walks over, placing their hand on Home.) 

Y/n:  You worked harder than any of us, Wally.  Home is so beautiful.  Travelers see her from miles away and come right to us for directions and flowers. 

Wally:  Thank you.  Stay with me and Home tonight, Y/n. 

Y/n (with a small laugh):  You know that Home only likes you!  Mr. Frankly and I can’t even get the door open without you here.  I have to go and practice with Sunny starting tonight.  He’s made a new dance called the ‘Midnight Inferno Cha-Cha.’  I have to get used to being thrown in the air five times.

(Y/n exits sadly.)

(Wally looks pleadingly after Y/n.)

Wally:  What did I do wrong?  A home was supposed to make everything better.  No skid row, no Sunny, no loneliness.  (To Home)  Do you need more time, Home?  More paint?  What do I need to do?

(Barnaby enters from stage left)

Barnaby:  Oi, I’d call the cops if I was you, Walls.  That girl just ran off with your heart!

Wally:  Hi, Barnaby.  Y/n’s back together with Sunny.

Barnaby:  I heard.  How ya holdin’ up, little buddy?

Wally:  I don’t like it.  Y/n said she wanted to find a home.  But now that we’ve got one (Wally gestures to Home) she might be leaving forever…

Barnaby:  Oh…  yeah, that’s pretty bad.  Ya know, I heard there’s more to making a house a home, than just paint, walls and running water.

Wally:  Really?  What else does a home have?  How do you get water to run?

Barnaby:  Oi… little buddy.  Water runs on wheels!  But seriously:  A home is full of people who love, support and take care of each other. 

Wally:  Like how Frank gave me a job, and how Y/n brings me yummy snacks and says nice things to me?

Barnaby:  Wally, my boy.  You really oughtta get away from that Frankly-fella.  His outlook’s so dark he needs a flashlight all day!  But this IS a mighty fine house! 

Wally:  I named them Home.

Barnaby:  Good name.  Good landmark.  Plenty of people need to get away from the city, but not a lot want to be stuck out in the Middle of Nothing.  Reckon you and Frank are the only ones.

Wally:  I want Y/n to stay too.  If I got other people to come and see Home, like they go to see Sunny, do you think Y/n would stay?

Barnaby: (chuckles)Wally, heh-heh.  You’ve got a hard enough time taking care of one house!  To beat Sunny’s act, you’d need a neighborhood!

Wally:  A…?

Barnaby:  That’s when a whole buncha houses are close together and have folks livin’ in em!  I can’t say if Y/n is makin’ the right move, but maybe you should be getting a move on too.  Money’s a big problem in this world.

Wally:  I’m happy without money, I just need my friends.

Barnaby:  Yeah, but your friend NEEDS money.  That’s why she and Frank took off.  Listen, I’ll come by with a card to my radio station next time.  You got nowhere else to go, you can go there!  See ya, kid!

(Barnaby exits)

Wally:  Oh, Home.  I know it’s not your fault.  I don’t know what else to do. Mr. Frankly and Y/n, they only get a few hours with you.  I’ve been in and out and around getting you back up for weeks.   I’ve done everything to help make you a house, could you… maybe help me make you a real home?

Be a Home For Me

Wally: I've given you sunshine

I've cleaned out your dirt.

You've given me nothing

But heartache and hurt.

I'm beggin' you sweetly.

I'm down on my knees.

Oh, please-be a home for me!

I've given you windows

All those vines I still clip.

I've given you roof shingles.

You've given me zip.

Oh God, how I hammer away at you

Oh ladder, how you tease

Now, please-be a home for me!

I've given you southern exposure

To get your garden thrive.

I've cleared out your front yard,

Like I'm s'posed ta.

You're barely alive

I've built up and brightened your walls

With brick and mud

I've given you bulb- lights

And new glass windows.

What do you want from me blood?

(Spoken) Ouch! Frank's roses. The thorns.

(Sucks on finger, house opens and closes door makes creaking/sucking noises) Wally (spoken):  You opened up!

Wally (Sung) I've given you sunlight.

Protection from rain.

Looks like you're not happy,

'Less I open a vein.

I'll give you a few drops

If that'll appease.

Now please-oh please-be a home for me!

(Song Ends)

(Wally looks out at the audience)

Wally: Well, Mr. Frankly said Home is mine.  I will get Home what they need.  

End Scene

Chapter Text

(Y/n goes behind Home’s trees to see Eddie and Frank sitting together on a crate labeled for props.)

Y/n:  Frank?  Eddie, is he alright?

Frank:  Thanks, Y/n I’m… I’m fine now.

Eddie:  Ya really gave us a scare, Frank. 

Y/n(going to sit on the other side of Frank):  Yeah, seriously Frank.  What happened?

Frank:  I- I guess I just messed up the lines.

Y/n:  No.  Sally made that rule that we could improvise as long as we stayed on plot for Wally, Barnaby, Julie and Sunny.  You’ve taken this musical seriously, and you haven’t missed even one practice.

Frank:  Well, sometimes these things just happen, Y/n.

Y/n:  No.  I was right next to you when it happened, Frank!  That was no slip up!

Eddie:  Y/n, calm down!

Y/n:  Eddie something more serious is wrong with Frank, and he’s not telling us.

Frank:  What makes you think YOU know?

Y/n:  Because it happened to ME!

(Both Eddie and Frank stare at Y/n.)

Eddie:  No,  no you haven’t missed a line yet.

Y/n:  Because it didn’t happen on stage today.  Remember, I helped Sally with the song lyrics.  The Skid Row number?  I started…  I started seeing… things!  Not just pictures, but hearing voices, people moving.  So, I convinced Sally to change my parts so I could remember and see if it happened again!

Eddie:  Y/n… what are you talking about?

Frank:  She’s… talking about what happened to me, Eddie.  I… I saw something too.  My butterflies…  Not in my house…. A lab.  A- ( Frank looks down at his gray fingers)  My hands were different.

Eddie:  What?

Y/n:  Sally said that this was just a story about another neighborhood, right?  What if she’s wrong?

Eddie:  Well, what if you two are wrong?  Maybe… Maybe it’s just a coincidence!  Wally’s doing just fine up there.  Listen to him singing about bein’ on his knees, hammering away and painting walls.

Frank(groans):  Eddie, stop talking.  Please.

Y/n(hearing the end of the song coming):  Look, guys,  just keep an eye on the others.  If it happens before the intermission we’ll talk then, deal?

(All three get up and leave to get back to the stage.)

Chapter Text

(Eddie comes running on stage panting)

Eddie:  After that- hoo!  After- After that dreadful discovery, Wally sure done got his wish!  After all his sweat and tears, his potion of fortune had only been missing one last ingredient: blood!  Hehe…  eh…  Well, anyway.  It seemed like the old adage was true for old Walls: ‘The more ya give, the more ya get back!’ 

(Eddie pulls a radio prop from his pocket and holds it up to the audience.  Barnaby speaks from off stage like a radio show host.  Wally, Frank, and Chorus get into positions while he talks.)

Barnaby: Welcome back radio-heads to Better Beagle-It!  I’m your faithful host, Barnaby B. Beagle!  It’s always a dog’s day in the city, right folks?  I know I’ve had my ‘ruff’ days!  And that’s somethin’ no one can ‘sniff’ at.  Well, how ‘bout trading the bark of guard dogs for the bark of the elm? 

           Ever heard of fresh air?  The kind that ain’t scented with someone else’s hanging laundry or your own factory’s fumes.  I mean the real stuff!  What good old America used tah be!  One brave little buddy is sure makin’ a go for it.  Remindin’ this old dog that life is supposed tah be simple.  Simple, red, and quiet just like the house he’s built out in a little old clearing.  Simplicity and beauty co-existing on a little place called Hometown. 

           I’d say it’s dog-gone time!  But the land is buying up fast.  So, stay tuned if your looking to find a piece of paradise!  (To himself)  Yer killin’ me, Sally…

Eddie:  And boy, oh boy, did that idea spark a fire!  Middle of Nothing became known as Hometown!  We all were started having some fun with it!

(Eddie quick jobs to his spot as the music starts  Frank, Wally , the Chorus, Barnaby and Eddie start dancing in place.)

Some Fun Now

Chorus:  Ya-ya-ya-ya, ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya-ya, ya-ya-ya

Barnaby: Poor Wally pushed a broom
Nothing in his news but gloom and doom
Then he lit a fuse and give him room
He started an explosion, holy cow!
That thing went bang, kaboom
And he's havin' some fun now

[Song Break]
(Barnaby:  Heya, Eddie!
Eddie: Hiya, Barnaby!  This your mail?
Barnaby: Sure is!  Moved my radio station to the West side of Home.)

[Break ends]

 
Chorus: Some fun now, pop quiz!
What's he havin'? Some fun now
Sure is, he's-a havin' some fun now
Oh boy, ain't he having some fun now?
Now! Some fun now, hot damn!

[Song Break]
(Wally:  Howdy, heard you skipped town!
Howdy: I skipped the last town.  Movin' on to my own business.
Wally:  That's great. Where are starting?
Howdy: I go where the sales say.  Meaning, your little Hometown!)

[Break ends]

Chorus: Ain't he havin' some fun now? Yes ma'am
He's-a havin' some fun now
Oh boy, ain't he having some fun now?
Now! Some fun now, hot damn!

[Song break]
(Frank: Wally, I've made a big business move!
Wally:  Really, Mr. Frankly?  What is it?
Frank: It's that little house of yours that's gettin' all the attention, so I'm moving next door and takin the cash box with me!)

[Break ends]

Chorus: Ain't he havin' some fun now? Yes ma'am
He's-a havin' some fun now
Oh boy, ain't he having some fun now?
Now! Some fun now, pop quiz!

[Song break]
(Howdy: By the way, Walls!  I got some news Barnaby said you'd like to hear.
Wally: What is it Howdy?
Howdy:  With all these new customers coming to town, I can afford to hire back my best employee.
Wally:  You mean?!
Howdy:  Yep!  Y/n's on their way back right now!  Wait till they see the neighborhood!)

[Break Ends]

Chorus: Ain't he some fun now? Sure is
He'll be having some fun now
Oh boy, ain't he having some fun now?
Now! Some fun now (Good God, good God)
He's havin' some fun now (Oh Lord, oh Lord)

[Song break]
( Y/n(comes running in): Hi, everyone!
All others: Y/n!
Sunny(pushes Y/n off to the side): And MEEEEE!
Wally: Sunny!?!
Sunny: Si, is me.  Heard a little house is ah' sparkin' the fire of life.  I am to to make known as the land of 100,000 dances!)

[Song break]  (Y/n and Sunny start dancing together.  Sunny mostly bumping and throwing Y/n around)
Chorus:  Yes, he's havin' some fun now
Oh boy, ain't he havin' some fun now?
Some fun now
Some fun now
Some fun now
Some fun now
Some fun now
Some fun now
Some fun now
Some fun now 

(Song ends.)

(As it ends, Sunny tosses Y/n to Center stage while he poses.  Wally catches Y/n!)

Wally:  Y/n, are you okay?

Y/n:  Thanks Wally, I-

(Without turning from the audience Sunny pulls Y/n from Wally.)

Sunny:  Chicita, the public sees us!  Smile and sparkle.

Y/n:  Sure, Sunny!

Sunny(Throwing out his arms, hitting Y/n in the face):  Attention!  I, the Sensational Sunshine Bird, will be making a three day stop in this…. Uh (Sunny looks around him with a disgusted face) Different place. 

Barnaby(folding his arms):  Detour on your flight south, eh Sunny?

Sunny:  Si!  My-( Tugs Y/n to his side)  precious assistant has been begging for one quick stop before we go to Neon City!  And I complied, did I not/

Y/n:  Yes, thank you, Sunny!  It means a lot that I can see my friends again.

Sunny:  Yes, yes, yes.  They will be floored as you wave to them from the tour bus.  (Angrily)  You have been taking out my shoes two at a time!  Get this out of your system or there is no dinner or breakfast!

Y/n:  I-I promise, Sunny!  I’ll be practing day and night.

Sunny:  (To Y/n)  I expect no less.  (To Barnaby)  Now!  That interview, I believe?  I always have time for my fans.

(Sunny leaves with Barnaby.)

(Frank, Eddie and the Chorus exit as Wally runs to Y/n.)

Wally:  I saw that!  He hit you!

Y/n:  Wally, it’s fine.  No pain, no gain.  I- ( She sees Wally’s hands are covered in bandages)  Wally… Oh… Guess you know that.

Wally:  Thorns are sharp, and Home… um, Home needs help too.

Y/n:  Home looks so vibrant.  I saw all the new flowers growing as we drove in!  Now I miss my bicycle. 

Wally:  Why are you and Sunny back together?

Y/n:  Well… Sunny said he couldn’t find another partner he has good chemistry with.  So, when we met up, he said he’d take me back and give me a fair cut.

Wally:  Nothing about that looks fair to me, Y/n.

Y/n:  Sunny’s just excited, that’s all.  HE’s just impatient because I asked for this.  It’s a detour, but I convinced him to stop here for an interview and show to gather more fans.

Wally:  Y/n… can I ask you for something?

Y/n (looks confused):  Sure, Wally.

Wally:  Did you… remember anything?

Y/n: Like… what?

Wally:  When you first came here.  You were confused.  You asked me a lot of questions?

(There is a very long and uncomfortable pause.)

Y/n:  I…  Remember when Frank led us to the clearing.  It wasn’t even all the green.  But there was a nice breeze, and there are a lot more flowers to see now.

Wally(holds out his hand):  Will you take a walk with me?  I want to show you the neighborhood.

Y/n:  Sure, Wally.  But I have to back at Sunny’s bus before sunset.  The last time I was late, he said he’d leave without me.

( Arm in arm, they exit.)

(Sally comes on stage)

Sally:  Ah, the torturous love triangle, a mystical force, and a growing town!  But does Y/n love him?  Is Home really what they appear?  We have snacks and drinks towards the back!  Please have some, and we’ll be back for Act 2!

(Sally turns and runs off stage yelling.)

Sally(angrily):  CAST MEETING!  NOW!

(The curtain closes)

Chapter Text

(All the Neighborhood puppets, besides Home, are socializing backstage.  Y/n is sitting with Wally who has his head on their shoulder, blinking tiredly.  Sunny is standing to the far side looking in a mirror that Julie keeps moving around on him.  Poppy and Barnaby stand behind Wally and Y/n, just talking.  Howdy, Frank, and Eddie are standing together talking as well.)

(Sally bursts into the room screaming, causing everyone to look her way.)

Sally:  WHAT?!  WAS!  THAT?!?!

Barnaby:  That was the sound barrier, but now it’s soundly-

Sally:  We almost lost the plot THREE times, and we’re only halfway through!  What is going on?

Y/n:  Sally, hold on.  Two of those were accidents, you know that.

Sally: I expected some trouble.  But Frank had a melt-down, Wally went off script twice now, and Barnaby-

Barnaby:  Now, now, Sally!  No need to get personal.  I just used a little humor to keep the audience up.

Sally(takes a deep breath):  Okay… I know all of you are trying.  Poppy’s done great keeping herself together, Julie is doing great with the dancing.

Julie and Poppy:  Thank you!

Sally:  But Sunny…

Sunny:  Si, Sally!  You don’t have to say.  I know I was fantastic!   And I am ready for my solo now, if it will save the show!

Sally(groans):  No, Sunny… you need to take it down a notch.  You actually hit Y/n!

Sunny:  It was an accident.

Howdy:  You’re lucky she wasn’t hurt, Sunny.  We almost stopped the show!

Sunny:  Aye, but the show-stopper has not even come!

Barnaby:  Beat me by one sec there, Sunny. 

Julie:  I was looking out at the audience; it looks like they’re really having fun watching us!

Frank:  With all those lights flashing and shining on us, I can barely see the seats!  How do you see them, Julie?

Julie:  I see with my heart!

Wally(sleepily):  What did Julie just say?

Y/n: (quickly) Nothing, Wally.  (Normal voice) Hey, Wally, maybe you should check on Home.  The next big number is theirs.

Sally:  That reminds me, Y/n, is the voice recorder for Home ready?

Y/n:  Oh, yes!  Here. (pulls out an old tape recorder)  I fixed it so my voice is lower and slower.  Maybe you and Wally should take this and test it with Home?

Sally:  Excellent idea!  Wally, we’ll review your next lines at the same time.  You and Home will be dueting for a while too.

Wally:  Okay, Sally. ( Wally gets up and walks away with Sally.)  I’ll be right back, Y/n.

Y/n:  We’ll all be reviewing our lines too, Wally.

(Wally and Sally close the door behind them.  Howdy goes over and listens for a few seconds.)

Howdy:  Okay, they’re gone!

(All the neighbors run together in a huddle!)

Poppy: Oh!  What are we doing?

Julie:  Are we making a secret club?

Frank:  No, Julie.  Well, kind of.  Y/n, I think you should start.

Y/n:  Okay.  (Talks slowly) What I’m about to say might sound strange but try to take it seriously.

Poppy:  Do you not like the costumes?  I debated for the longest time over cotton or wool, but neither felt right.

Y/n:  No, Poppy.  Well, I guess for you this has something to do with the costumes.  Remember you told me how you fell asleep and had a weird dream?

Poppy:  Yes… I got my inspiration from that dream.  It was so strange… I-I was sitting at a table full of materials, buttons and a sewing machine.  I was feeling so scared looking down at the clothes I was trying to make.  My wings they… they-they weren’t wings anymore.  I didn’t know what to do!  I was relieved to be awake the next moment.

Y/n:  The same thing happened to me!  And to Frank back on stage.  Ya see, Frank?

Frank:  Yes…  I had a similar dream.  Only I was awake, and I was in a lab with butterflies.

Julie:  What do you call a dream you have if you’re awake?

Eddie:  Now hold on, cowboys and girls!  One, two, three incidents of the same kind is lot, I’ll say.  But what if it’s just in our heads?  We’re all doing this for Sally, and she is taking this pretty serious.  More than normal, I admit.  Maybe it’s just nerves from too much work!

Sunny:  The same thing happened to Sally!

Eddie:  What?

Sunny: I said, Sally had a dream too!  When she first wanted a bigger part in the play.  She fainted on stage and woke up from a nightmare!  Where she was a real person.

Howdy: “Real” person?  If we ain’t real, Sunny, what are we?

Sunny:  Still real.  But not as we were born.  I remembered long ago.  And this is all coming about since Y/n, and the play started.

Barnaby:  Ha ha!  Alright fellas, this is some joke.  It’s just run for too long!  What’s the punchline? 

Y/n:  Barnaby, you should know this isn’t a joke.  The only ones who haven’t seen these visions are you, Julie and Eddie.

Barnaby:  Then I’d like to know why I was left out.

Y/n:  I think it’s because the play hasn’t hit on any of your old life’s memories.  Based on what we’ve each seen.

Barnaby:  Well, if I wasn’t a comedian in the big city, then I don’t want no part of that life!

Julie:  What were you in your dream, Y/n?

Y/n:  I was a five-fingered human.  I was curious, searching, and… one day I just found myself in the neighborhood.

Howdy:  Well, I can assure you, Y/n, you’ve never had five fingers since I’ve known ya.

Y/n:  Exactly the point!  Sometihng’s wrong about this place!  This neighborhood!  Us!  And I think we have every right to know who we really are and choose if we want to stay or go.

Sunny:  Revolution! 

Barnaby: (clamps Sunny’s beak shut) Been waitin’ years to do that.  But getting back to play:  didn’t Wally have a, uh, off-script moment or two?  We should get him back in here.

Y/n:  Sally’s distracting him so that he won’t know we’re discussing this.

Barnaby:  Huh?  Y/n, I’m surprised at you.  Wally’s your best friend, and he’s mine too.  In fact, he’s all our friend.  How could we leave him out of this ‘neighborhood watch?’

Sunny:  Because: Wally IS the Neighborhood watch-er!

Eddie:  What?

Frank: What?

Poppy:  E-Excuse me?

Julie: Huh?

Howdy:  Say what?

Barnaby:   Come again?

(Sunny speaks completely serious.)

Sunny:  I’ve been on the sidelines for a long time.  I’m happy to dance with Sally and Julie when they want, but I’ve gotten quite the view from the shadows.  Wally, I do not know if he is the whole reason we came.  I just know it is his mission for us to stay.

Barnaby(getting a little angry):  You ain’t ever been the most neighborly, Sunny-boy.  That’s sounding like accusations now.

Sunny:  They are.  I’ve been paying special attention since Y/n came to us.  Wally’s eyes thin for a while, but they grow in number once he has enough time.  Perhaps he paints them.  I do not know that for sure.  But Wally, he knows secrets.  Secrets about us.  About where we came from.  And how we got here.

Barnaby:  Wally?  I love the little guy, but he’s… adult-ish age?  And he can’t even tie his own shoes.

Julie:  Barnaby, Wally’s shoes don’t even have real laces.

Barnaby:  Oh, yeah.  Who am I judge, anyway?  I don’t even wear shoes.  Ha ha ha!

Y/n:  …Barnaby, I don’t like saying this any more than you like hearing it… But, between what I’ve seen and discussed with Sunny and the others… Wally may have done something to us.

(Barnaby’s looking a bit annoyed.  Eddie steps between him and Y/n.)

Eddie: Okay, okay, just so Barnaby’s not being backed into a corner, let me say this: there’s no proof that Wally has done anything.  He lives in Home.  He calls each of us, every night to see how we’re doing.  He checks on us and hangs out with us every single day!

Frank:  Eddie, doesn’t that sound like he’s monitoring us?

Eddie:  He’s being a good neighbor is all.

Frank:  But he does it like he has to.  I mean, what if you were late delivering the mail just one day?  Sure, some of us would be disappointed, but we’d forgive you for it. There are only ten of us, and you have at least six hours to deliver.

Eddie:  Because I’m always ready to deliver even if something comes last minute!  Howdy’s part of that.  Poppy needs extra thread for our winter quilts?  I get ‘em for her!  Julie needs her bowling balls?  Give me a few trips, but I’ll get them there.  My job is my life, Frank!  The post office has regulations! I have to be there when there’s an order or- (Eddie starts trembling from his hands up to his arms!)

Julie: Umm… Eddie?

(Eddie falls to the floor!  Frank, Y/n and Sunny run to his side while the others panic!)

Poppy(flapping her wings):  Ah!  Eddie!  Ice!  Ice!  Get Ice!

Julie (flapping her arms):  Eeek!  Get a balloon!  Bean bags!  Breen Berry Juice!

Barnaby:  Eddie!  Buddy, calm down!  Take a breath!

Howdy:  Wait, wait!  Look.

(Eddie’s trembling stops.  His eyes dart around looking at everyone as the room quiets.)

Eddie:  I…  I…

Sunny:  Amigo… tell us.  You are not the first.

Eddie(Sitting up):  Barnaby… They’re telling the truth.  These… these are memories.

Poppy:  Memories?

Julie:  You know, Poppy.  A memory is a movie in your head about something that hap-

(Sally throws open the door with a loud bang!)

Sally:  Everyone!

(The whole room looks over at her.  Wally peeks in a second later, smiling.)

Sally(calmly):  Sorry… we heard screaming.  Did it, um, happen to be one of you?

Sunny:  Si, si!  Eddie fell off his seat.  Standing up!  Gave quite the scare.

Sally:  Oh, I see. Poppy set the first aid over by Home.  Frank, could you bring Eddie?  The rest of you start getting ready for the next act. 

Wally:  Can I talk to Y/n?  In private?

(Sunny and the others freeze.  Sunny stands protectively over Y/n.)

Wally:  I need to talk about our song together.

Sally:  Well… uh.  Y/n?

(Y/n looks at Sunny.  Pats his wing gently.)

Y/n(smiling):  I think that might help me too.  I do better when it’s calm and quiet.

(Sunny nods and leaves with the others.)

(Wally and Y/n are now alone in the backstage room.  It’s quiet.)

Y/n: … So… how are you feeling, Wally?

Wally:  About what?

Y/n:  About the play.  Looks like our memory exercises are working!  Do you want to go over the lines or the next song?

Wally:  No, Y/n.  I want to talk with you.

(Wally sits on a crate and pats the empty space next to him.  Y/n hides their nervousness.)

Y/n(inching closer):  Um… sure, Wally-buddy!  It’s uh… It’s nice to talk with your friends!  Even if… there’s a bunch of people outside.  There’s a ticking clock… and um… who knows what else?

(Y/n finally sits next to Wally.  But is unable to look at him.)

Wally:  I wanted to talk about us, Y/n.

Y/n:  O-Okay, Wally. Go… Go right ahead!

Wally:  Sally says the next act has a big love scene.  With you and me.

Y/n:  Oh yeah!  I remember…

Wally:  She said we really have to convince the audience we’re in love.  That we’re fated lovers, and we always want to be together.  Always trust each other.

(Wally isn’t scooting any closer.  But Y/n feels like he’s leaning in closer.)

Y/n:  Oh yeah. No…  No pressure there!

Wally:  I know you and I are best friends, Y/n.  But I wanted to tell you… (Wally leans over and whispers) You’re the most.

(Y/n tenses.  Then forces her body to relax starting to think Wally doesn’t suspect she and the others suspect him of something.)

Y/n:  Thanks, Wally.  That really-

(Wally didn’t lean back, so he is literally an inch from Y/n’s lips when their head turns.)

Wally:  The most of the most, Y/n.  I love all my neighbors, but I don’t know what I’d do if you’d go.

(Y/n is scared now.  Wally’s fascination and trust in them is the Neighborhood’s only distraction according to Sunny.  Y/n steels their initial nerves.  Time for some acting!)

Y/n (cups Wally’s face with one hand): I’m not going anywhere, Wally.  Unlike Audrey- I mean my play character that has my name, I know where I’m supposed to be, and who takes good care of me.

Wally:  Y/n… (he rest his forehead against theirs and closes his eyes) Home has been feeling uneasy.  Like something is wrong in the Neighborhood.

Y/n:  It’s just the play, Wally.  Everyone is supposed to be out of character.  It’s a big pretend game. 

Wally:  Are we a game?

Y/n:  Hmm?

Wally (his eyes slightly open):  If we are, I want to keep playing.  Forever.  Even if it’s just us.

Y/n: Wally…?

Wally:  In the end ‘Wally’ gets his dream.  A nice Home, and he gets to live in it with ‘Y/n’.  That was her dream too.  I like this story.

Y/n(Deflecting):  So, let’s give the audience our best performance.  That way, they’ll be sure to love ‘Wally’ and ‘Y/n’ too.  You remember how we rehearsed the kiss scene?

(Wally sits back and fully smiles.)

Wally:  I sure do! (Wally leans over to Y/n’s cheek and says) Mwah!

Y/n:  Yeah, this IS how we rehearsed.  Did Sally really say we have to be more convincing?

Wally:  She did.  She told me the leading man and lady are supposed to be really in love.  Even if it’s pretended, we have to convince other people it’s real.  Why?  Don’t they know it’s not real?

Y/n:  They do.  But they come to see a play because they kind of want to be tricked like that.  Maybe it’s harder to put than just a ‘game of pretend with lots of music’.  It’s more…plays are made so the people playing pretend get to teach the audience a lesson like loyalty, strength or… love.

Wally:  Are we in love, Y/n?

Y/n:  Wh…What? Well, I guess if you have to ask… isn’t the answer ‘no?’  If someone’s in love, I think they know it.

Wally: ‘Y/n’ isn’t.

Y/n:  … I’m guess you mean my play character?  Yeah, she’s definitely mixed up.  I feel like she knows she’s not in love with ‘Sunny’, but she doesn’t see any other reasonable options.

Wally: Huh… But ‘Wally’ is in love.

(Y/n stares at Wally.  Then decides to take a big risk.)

Y/n:  Well… since you know the character… Who is ‘Wally’ really in love with?

Wally:  Hmm?  That’s a silly question, neighbor.

Y/n: No really. (Sits down next to Wally and points to the script.)  I think it’s between Home’s character and Y/n’s.  Sure, he gets the idea of from ‘Y/n’ but look at what he does for ‘Home’.  He fixes them up, even gives them his blood!  Wait, do you have blood?

(Wally shrugs)

Y/n:  Okay.   So, my point is: ‘Wally’ says he cares about ‘Mr. Frankly’, ‘Y/n’ and the neighbors, but his greatest acts of devotion are for ‘Home.’

Wally:  But ‘Home’ is the one clinging to life.  Shouldn’t I be?

Y/n:  Wally, if something was wrong with one of our real neighbors, we’d all be worried.  But in the context of the play, ask yourself this:  who is your character really doing everything for?  Is it for ‘Home?’  ‘Y/n?’… or maybe himself?

(For the first time, Wally frowns and looks away.  Y/n sees that he’s thinking and lets him.)

 Wally: We’ve done this play over and over.  I’ve sung with you.  Kissed you.  I just feel happy.  Like I am every day I get to see you.  Home was excited to have a part in one of Sally’s plays.  When I see Home happy, that also makes me happy.  Sally’s also been happy.  The others are… I think they’re happy. 

(Long pause of silence.  Both are thinking.)

Y/n: We could… test that.

Wally:  How?

Y/n(stands up, facing Wally):  Sally said we need to be convincing,  I think she’s worried about the play.  So, instead of what we practiced… what if we really kissed?

Wally:  Really kiss?  But isn’t ‘mwah’ on the side of your face a real kiss?

Y/n: Nnnnnnnnooooo.  It isn’t. 

Wally:  Then I guess I don’t know how to really kiss.

Y/n(takes a deep breath, and lets it out):  …I do.

Wally:  Oh?  Can you teach me how to, Y/n?

Y/n(blushing like crazy):  Pthhbthhhh!  Well- I mean!  Sure, it was my idea.  Bu- But Wally!  M-Maybe that’s too much for us.

Wally:  I want to help the play the most.  That will help Sally the most.  It also helps all my friends the most if I can do a good job.  Then everything will go back to normal.

(Y/n is fidgeting.  Internally, there is a big conflict.  Is Wally even capable of being in love?  If he is and her plan with Sunny fails, maybe she can convince Wally to let everyone go.  If he isn’t, then… Maybe something good will still happen?  Going back to normal is the opposite of what Y/n wants.  They all want answers.  What were their lives?  Why were they taken from them?  Why is Wally keeping who they are from them?)

Y/n (turns Wally to face her):  Okay then, Wally.  First, we need to have full eye contact!

(Wally leans in so close their eyes are touching.)

Y/n:  Not that close.

 (Guides him back.)

Y/n:  Next, we both have to lean in, slowly, at the same time.

(They both do it.)

Wally:  Is being on the crate part of kissing?

Y/n:  For our height difference, yes.  Now here’s the hard part.  Close your eyes, please.

(Wally does as Y/n says.  Y/n starts turning pink around her cheeks.)

Y/n:  Good.  N-No opening them until we’re done. 

Wally:  Is it a surprise?

Y/n:  Yeah… Th-That’s the idea.  I’ll just tilt your head a little here.  Now…I-I’m gonna squish your face a little here. 

(As Wally sits there, totally defenseless, completely trusting, Y/n almost backs off.  What if Barnaby is right?  What if Wally is just this innocent?  If he is… he is an adult, and her friend… and they still have a play to do.)

Y/n:  Now… pay attention to what you feel.

(Y/n starts closing their own eyes, while closing the gap.)

Wally(whisper):  Warm…

Sunny: YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!  OYE!

( Y/n jumps back from Wally and they both look over at Sunny bursting through the backstage door!)

Y/n:  Aaah!

Wally (lite static on his face):  A.

Sunny(dancing in with to maracas):  It is time!  It is time!  We dance!  We sing!  We get our grooves going~!  Wally, mi amigo, Poppy asks for you to check paint for next scenes.

Wally:  Okay, Sunny.  I’ll go see her.  (To Y/n) Y/n, I’ll see you on stage.

Y/n(stunned): Yeah.

(Wally leaves.  Sunny watches him until he’s gone.)

(Closing the door gently, Sunny slowly turns and glares at Y/n.)

Sunny:  ESTAS LOCA!!!!!???? (He throws down the maracas and stomps up to her.) I warn you, chicita.   You fall too easy for the innocent-boy act!  This is a demon-of-a-puppet we are dealing with. 

Y/n:  I know!  I know! But-

Sunny:  Do you?!  Because I come back here,  and I hear you teaching him how to suck face!  You just might get it sucked off, you know!  Y/n, your little cha-cha with danger could fast become a chomp-chomp!

Y/n:  Isn’t that the point?  Get Wally closer to me so I can distract him while you find a way out?  Making any progress with that?

Sunny:  Aye, you know already!  I have searched the Neighborhood as far as I can.  The answer may not lie beyond the trees.

Y/n:  Then your other theory holds.  Home might be the key.

Sunny:  Or the door. 

Y/n:  Are the others in?

Sunny:  Si.  But they are all scared out of their cabezas.  We…  Tonight may be our one shot, chicita.

Y/n:  Or it may just be one opportunity.  Sunny, have you considered maybe Wally is as innocent as he acts?

Sunny(rolling eyes):  Not this again, Y/n…

Y/n:  No really.  I was just talking about who he really cares about.  Wally may not know what’s going on or he doesn’t know that its wrong. 

Sunny:  You… you did what?

(Y/n starts backing up from Sunny.)

Y/n:  Now…  Now Sunny, hear me out on this.

Sunny:  You… Have you given us away?  Betrayed?

Y/n:  No!  No, Sunny, you don’t understand.  Wally doesn’t-

Sunny:  I cannot believe this…  He has you!  You’ve become no different than his little bugs or eyes! 

(Sunny clutches his chest where his heart would be and stumbles backwards.  Y/n rushes over.)

Y/n:  Sunny.  Sunny, please!  We just need to take more time with this!  There’s not enough proof, is there?  Maybe we are here and it’s not Wally’s fault.  Maybe he’s like the rest of us? 

Sunny:  You see everything around you.  It is not enough?  His eyes, the bugs, the clock, the darkness…?  You are a fool, Y/n…  And I was the greater fool… for trusting you.

(Sunny rushes towards the door.)

Y/n:  Sunny, wait!

Sunny:  There is still time!  Some may still see!  I have to warn them!

(Sunny rushes out the door towards the stage.  Y/n runs after him.)

Y/n:  SUNNY!

[End Scene]

Chapter Text

[The audience is returning to their seats, and the red curtain is still drawn across the stage.  However, there’s a loud commotion that can be heard even from the back seats. Flapping and things falling, there’s a big struggle going on behind the curtain.]

Frank:  What in the-!

Sunny:  Move!  Out!  It is not too late!

Sally:  Sunny!  What are you doing?!

Sunny:  Let go, Y/n!  I will not let you stop me!

Barnaby:  Hold him down, Eddie! 

Eddie:  Howdy!  Help Y/n, I’ve got an idea!

Sunny:  Pull the curtain back NOW!  They deserve to know!!!

Julie:  Is this the right rope, Sunny?

Sunny:  YES!

Y/n:  Julie!  Don’t pull that!

[For a brief second, the audience sees most of the cast trying to wrestle a struggling Sunny to the ground.]

Sunny(to audience):  HE IS DECIEVING YOU!

[The curtain quickly closes back.]

Poppy:  Oh deeeeaaar!

Eddie:  Okay, bring Sunny this way!

Sunny:  No!  No!  Please, if not for yourselves, then for them!

Y/n:  Sunny, you need to calm down!

Sally:  Push him back!

Howdy:  I’ve got tape.

Sunny:  Frank, stop them!

Frank:  You’re frankly who’s going get someone hurt!

Sunny:  Julie! 

Julie:  On it!

[Julie pulls back the curtains again.  The neighbors are pushing Sunny into a delivery box.]

Poppy:  Not that, dear!

[Curtains close again.]

Sunny:  This is no game!  This is no home!  You are all-

Wally:  Is something wrong?

[The stage goes quiet again.  All that can be heard is Wally’s slow footsteps.]

Wally:  Sunny, is there a problem?

Sunny:  Y-… Yes!  Yes, there is!

Wally:  Then tell me neighbor, I’d love to help you.

Barnaby:  Erm, Wally?  I-I think Sunny j-just needs a little break.

Wally:  Oh?  Is that it, Sunny?  Do you need to rest for a while?

Sunny:  Cut the charade, monstruito!  You can pull the wool over Y/n eyes, but not mine. 

Wally:  Hmm?  What does that mean, Sunny?

Sunny:  You know perfectly well!

Y/n(sternly):  Alright, Sunny!  That’s a time-out.  Into the box!

[Sunny continues to struggle, but, by the sound of it, he’s shoved into the box and taped in from the outside.]

Y/n:  Now that’s enough breathing holes, right?

Barnaby:  Sure, sure.  Sunny’ll cool off and apologize later.  Eddie, Howdy, you guys need an extra paw?

Howdy(grunts):  Nope, I think we got him.

Eddie:  We’ll set Sunny backstage for his time-out.  He’ll have plenty of air.

Poppy:  Oh, but his number is coming up!  Sally, what do we do?

Sally:  Fear not, this all according to plan, Poppy!

Frank:  Sunny’s meltdown was planned?

Sally:  Tut-tut, Franklin!  I was planning on switching Sunny’s scene with Y/n’s solo.

Y/n:  Me?!

Sally:  Of course!  The audience loves you.  And your character just made a surprising return!  I’ll give you and Howdy a few improv suggestions.  Home, you and Wally are still next.  Followed now by Y/n.  Eddie, you and Barnaby switch the set order.  And we’ll just squeeze in Sunderson once he’s able to collect himself.

Barnaby:  I’m guessing ‘Sunderson’ is ‘Sunny?’

Frank:  But what about the programs we handed out?  I work hard on those getting them just so!  If the songs are out of order and plot is jumbled up how-?

Sally:  Just fix what you can.  The audience is waiting, and the clock won’t stop!  Go, go, go!

[Sally gracefully steps out from behind the curtain.]

Sally (to audience):  When we last left you, twas a mixture of hope and fear.  Walliford’s first wish came true with the price of blood!  However, the one he loves is still just out of reach, belonging to another who holds no love for her.  What will Wally risk to attain his dream?  I ask you, dear audience… what would anyone?

[Sally walks off to stage left.  The curtain opens completely.  Home is back to wearing their old ‘broken down mask.’]

[Wally, Mr. Frankly and Y/n enter from stage left.]

Frank: … so with Sunny’s tour bus broken down, looks like you’ll be stickin’ around, Y/n.

Y/n:  Yeah, we’ll being going as soon as a mechanic comes around to fix the engine.

Frank:  How long will that take?

Wally:  Until one moves in, I think.

Frank:  We’ve a flower shop, radio station, a ‘Super’ Store, and a post office.  But we don’t have a mechanic in town?

Y/n:  Or a police station.

Wally: Or a doctor’s office.

Frank:  Or a school.

Y/n: Or a Town Hall.

Wally:  Or a bus stop.

Frank: Or a gas station.

Y/n:  Or a library.

Wally: Or an electric station.

Frank:  Or a- holy moley!  (Points up at Home.)  Looks like we got vandals in town!

[Wally runs up to Home.]

Wally:  Poor Home.  Oh… you must be feeling awful.

Y/n:  Vandals typically destroy things or paint on them, it looks like Home’s back to when Wally first found them.

Frank:  Then it wasn’t vandals, kids.  It was Howdy’s cheap wares!  Ain’t it like him to give us the stuff that’s just about to go bad?

[Y/n shrugs.]

Y/n:  Well, you couldn’t beat the price, Frank.

[Frank stares at Y/n.]

Frank:  Fair.    

Wally:  Since you keep both mine and your money Frank, could I have some to pay to fix Home?

[Frank stares.  Then starts laughing hysterically!]

Fran; Haaaaaaaaa-hahahahaha!  You?  You thought $1.95 was the same as $195!  Hahaha! 

Y/n:  Frank!  That is Wally’s money!  He’s earned it, you can’t keep it from him.

Frank:  Another thing we don’t got around here is a bank, Y/n!  Wally’s stroke of luck got us named the founders of Hometown, but he agreed to me handling all his financial assets when I took him on.

Y/n:  When was that?

Frank:  When I picked up the bum on the side of the road!

Y/n:  But-!

Wally:  It’s okay, Y/n.  Frank’s better with numbers than I am.  I don’t mind.

Frank:  Ha!  You heard it right from mule’s mouth!  Even this dumb-dumb knows he’s too dumb to handle his own money.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to have a nice steak dinner with the love of my life!

Y/n and Wally:  You got married?!

Frank:  No!  I’m talking about the money box!  Ha-ha-haaa!

[Frank exits stage left.]

Y/n(fuming):  Guess another thing Hometown needs is a courthouse.  And a jail to go with it.

Wally:  Don’t worry about the money, Y/n.  (Wally takes Y’n’s hand) It’s never made me happy.

Y/n(quickly pulls hand back from Wally):  Ouch!  Oh, Wally I’m sorry.  My wrist is just sore.

Wally: Oh, I’m sorry, Y/n.  I didn’t know.  Can I help?

Y/n:  Oh, no no no!  I’ve got it!

(Y/n pulls out a cloth from her purse.)

Y/n:  Howdy really needed a new cashier!  So, he’s hired me back.  Business is really booming for him thanks to Home!  He pays me cash now, but he still gives me these little overstocked gifts if he thinks I need them.

Wally(helping Y/n wrap her wrist):  That’s good.  You must be doing better now that you have your own money.

Y/n:  Well… being a dancer is more taxing on the body than most people think.  Besides sore muscles, there’s dancer’s foot, back pain, bruises… and then when Sunny’s not mad at me-

Wally:  Hm?  That list is just from when Sunny gets mad at you?

Y/n:  Yeah, it’s gotten worse because he’s so stressed.  But when there’s a break and he’s too tired to even move, he remembers to say nice things to me like: ‘Thank you for the drink, chicita.’  ‘You looked good in that dress.’  And ‘When we get big, I get big, big house!’

Wally:  A big, big house?

Y/n:  Yeah… Sunny sees a future with me.  That’s why I really wanted to show him Hometown…if we start talking about weddings and settling down.  Well, I can just see it happening here.

Wally:  You see yourself being married… to Sunny????

Y/n (sounding unsure):  Well, uh, Wally… I know Sunny’s not perfect but… who else would want someone like me as a wife?  He might be my only chance!

Wally:  But…

(Wally grabs both her hands carefully.  Their fingers intertwine as they slowly look up at each other.)

Y/n:  Wally…

Wally:  …I missed you every day, Y/n.  I waited for the next person coming to see Home to be you.   

Y/n:  You really wanted to see me, Wally?

Wally:  Yes!  I-I wanted my favorite person to be here at Home.

Y/n:  I-I’m your favorite?  Oh, Wally.  That makes this all worth it!!!

Wally:  It does?

Y/n:  All the pain, all the long hours.  I’m so happy that you’re not just my friend, you’re my first fan!

Wally:  Wha…?  But- But I-

Y/n (hugs Wally, and talks excitedly):  Wally, you have no idea how much that means to me!  Making feel like all famous.  Sunny told me: ‘You never know the thrill of fame until you meet your first fan!’  And he sure was right!  I’m going to work even harder on my dancing now.  Oh!  But first I have to get through my shift with Howdy.  I’m so glad he’s in walking distance now!  Tah-tah~!

(Y/n skips off stage with Wally staring after her.)

Wally:  Famous…?  First, she wanted a home, now she wants to be famous?   (Wally looks over at Home.)  I guess Frank was right.  Finding Home was really lucky, but now how do I get famous?

(Wally starts pacing the stage, looking down at his hands.)

Wally:  I guess I can change the paint on Home.  Maybe I could draw birds and butterflies and flowers or-

‘Home’:  Feed…me…

Wally (looking around):  Is someone there?

‘Home’: Feed me…

(Wally looks back at Home to see the door moving.)

Wally:  Are you inside Home?  Oh, I see!  No friend, this store sells the kind of flower for growing, not the-

‘Home’:  FEED ME, YA MUMPSIMUS!  FEED ME NOW!!!

Wally:  Home!  Y-Y-Y-You-You-You’re talking!

‘Home’:  And. I’m. STARVING!

Wally:  Oh, here! (Takes his hands and pretends to squeeze blood into the doorway.)  I can reopen this one.

Home:  More!  More!

Wally:  I… I can’t!  My hands… I can’t squeeze out any more!  Maybe I can bring you some hotdogs from Howdy’s?

Home:  Must be blood…

Wally:  Home, that’s disgusting.

Home:  It MUST be fresh!

Wally (covering ears):  I don’t want to hear this!

Song: Feed Me

Home:  Feed me.

(Wally[spoken]: Does it have to be a puppet’s?)

Feed me!

(Wally[spoken]: Does it have to be mine?)

Feeeeed meee!!

(Wally[spoken]:  Well, where am I supposed to get it?)

Feed me, Wally.

Feed me all night looong!

"That's right, boy!"

You can do it...!

Feed me, Wally.

Feed me all night long...

'Cause if you feed me, Wally

I can grow up, big and strong!

Would you like a Cadillac car?

Or a guest-shot on Jack Paar?

How about a date with Hedy Lamarr...

You gonna git it~!

How'd ya like to be a big wheel?

Dining out, for every meal

I'm the house that can make it all real!

You're gonna git it.

Hey, I'm your genie,

I'm your friend,

I'm your willin' slave...

Take a chance, feed me, yeah

You know the kinda eats,

The kinda ret-hot treats,

The kinda sticky licky, sweets I crave...

Ow! Come on, Wally

Don't be a putz!

Trust me and your life will surely rival King Tut's

Show a little initiative, boy

Work up some guts

And you'll git it!

Wally: I don't knoooow...

I don't knooooow!

(Home:  That's one catchphrase...)

I have so... so many strong... reservations.

(Home: Tell it to the producers!)

Wally: Should I go... and perform... mutilations?

(Home(laughing):  You think this all natural?  The press coverage? The soil turning to a gold mine?  Nope!  Now there's gotta be someone you can 80-6 reeeeeaaaal quiet-like… and get me some lunch!!!)

Home: Think about a room at the Ritz

Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz

An eternity of ignorant bliss!

And you'll git it... uh huh...

Wally: Gee I'd like a Harley machine

Tooling around like I was James Dean

Makin' all the guys on the corner turn green!

Home: So, go git it! Woo woo woo!

If you wanna be profound.

If you really gotta justify!

Take a breath and look around:

A lot of folks deserve to die!

Wally(slamming Home's door shut and speaking):  Wait a minute, Wait minute!  That's not a nice thing to say!

Home:  But it's TRUE.

WALLY:  NO! I don't know anybody who deserves to be fed to a living house!

Home: Wally... You do.

(Home looks off to the side.  The sound of running footsteps can be heard.  Y/n was supposed to mime out an argument, but what happens is unscripted.  All the audience sees is the silhouettes of the cast.)

Sunny: Traitors!  After everything, you still chose him!

Y/n: Sunny! You're not thinking straight.  Just get back in the room and we'll talk!

Sunny: What is to say!?  You made your choice!  I should have left you to drown in your illusions!

Y/n: I'm sorry, Sunny!

Sunny:  Get out of my way, Y/n!  You sealed your own dark fate!

[Hits her and the shadows fade with Howdy grabbing Sunny from behind.]

Wally and Home (singing):  If you want a rationale: It isn't very hard to see!

No, No, No...

Stop and think it over, pal.

The guy sure looks like plant food to me!

The guy sure looks like plant food to me!

The guy sure looks like plant food to meeeeee~!

Wally: He's so nasty treatin' her rough!

Home: Smackin' her around, and always talkin' so tough!

Wally: You need blood and he's got more than enough!

Home: I need blood and he's got more than enough!

Wally and Home: You/I need blood and he's got more than enough!

Home: So go git it!

Chapter Text

ACT 2 Scene 2

[Home is covered by a cardboard mask, this time painted to look like the inside of Howdy’s shop.  Howdy sits behind a counter, pretending to clean as the lights come on.]

Howdy:  Hmm~ Hmm~ Hmm~…

[Y/n enters from the ‘door’ to the right.]

Y/n:  Good morning, Howdy!

Howdy:  Morning?  Look outside, Y/n, the sun’s going down.

Y/n:  Oh, yeah.  Guess I was thinking back to when I ran the morning shift.

Howdy(regretfully):  Yeah… How’s the eye?

Y/n:  All better!  You gave me that ice and medicine for just a smile, remember?

Howdy:  Kinda wish you’d gotten more mad at me for it.  Even if there was a customer.

Y/n(walking inside): Aww, I’ve taken harder hits than that, Howdy!  It was nothin’!

Howdy:  Has anyone ever called you ‘a doormat’ before, Y/n? 

Y/n:  Um… I’ve been called a lot of things… 

Howdy:  See kid?  You always get pushed around like our $35.99 Balloon Clown!  Ain’t you got any dreams or ambitions?  Something you want to work for in life?

Y/n:  I… I guess… Actually, it’s something you gave me from before, Howdy.

[Y/n reaches into their purse and pulls out a magazine.]

Y/n:  I saw this being passed out, and just had to keep one.  (She shows it to Howdy.)  See this picture?  There’s a story that goes with it about a girl from MY old town.  She met this swell guy, he became a big star, just like Sunny.  And here she’s being called the ‘Queen of Homemakers!’

Howdy:  That IS a pretty picture.  But I don’t exactly see Sunny as the settling down type.

Y/n:  Well… not yet.  But, Howdy, once we get our big break all the blood, sweat, and tears will be worth it!

Howdy: You forgot broken bones and bruises.  Yours, I mean.  This lady here don’t got those, I notice.

Y/n:  I use make-up to cover mine.  But Sunny always takes the best care of me before a show.  That’s where his loves shines, and he wants me to shine with him!

Howdy:  If he really loved you, he’d be treatin’ you right ALL the time!  Stage or no stage.  Why can’t you fall for a nice boy, like Wally?

Y/n(blushes):  Wally? 

Howdy:  Yes, Wally.  Boy gets the goo-goo eyes every time he sees you walk in.  But I can understand, he’s still pretty broke by comparison to Sunny, right?  Frank says he still keeps the money box.  Even if Wally owns Home, Frank’s still Wally’s boss.

Y/n: U-Uh, well you saw what happened last time Sunny and I broke up, and he still came to find me.  And Wally… he’s not a fighter. 

Howdy (does a double-take):  Wait…  Did-Did Sunny threaten you?

(Y/n looks away and hides their face.)

Howdy:  He did!  That cocky little crower threated you using Wally and Frank, didn’t he?

Y/n(whimpering):  Frank had already said he wouldn’t fight to keep me!  A-And Wally’s so fragile.  One punch from Sunny might kill him.   

Howdy(groans):  And knowing Frank, that still won’t change.  Y/n, you should go to the police!  We don’t have any here, but in Neon City-

Y/n:  With what?  With my job, all these injuries will just be called a ‘work hazard’! And if I accuse Sunny, I don’t have any evidence other than my own word! 

Howdy:  So, he’s got you stuck.  Puh…

[Howdy pulls out a Kleenex box and gives it to Y/n to wipe their face.]

Howdy:  There’s got to be a way…  How do you even hold on with all this?

Y/n:  Hm?

Howdy:  You can’t go to anyone who’ll help, you take hit after hit; How do you stay so positive and cheerful?  Hate to think of you as loony, Y/n.

Y/n: That?  Well…  That’s thanks to Wally.

Howdy:  Say again?

Y/n:  I ran away from Sunny last time cause I just couldn’t stand it.  But… then I met up with Mr. Frank and Wally.  He’s not that bright, but he’s the nicest guy I’ve met in my life.  Uh-

Howdy:  No offense taken.

Y/n:  Thanks, Howdy.  Well, after I met Wally, and got this magazine, I actually started daydreaming.  About the two of us.  That this could be our home.  If things were just a tiny bit different…

[Y/n sighs, dreamily.  Howdy sighs, agitated.]

[Soft piano music plays.]

Somewhere that's Green

Y/n: I know Wally's the greatest..,

But I'm dating a semi-sadist.

So I've got a black eye,

And my arm's in a cast.

Still, that Wally's a cutie!

(Howdy[spoken]: To each their own, doll face.)

Well, if not, he's got inner beauty.

And I dream of a place

Where we could be together at last.

A matchbox of our own.

A fence of real chain link,

A grill out on the patio,

Disposal in the sink!

(Howdy[spoken]:  Sounds like a deathtrap.)

A washer and a dryer and an ironing machine!

In a tract house that we share.

Somewhere that's green.

He rakes and trims the grass.

He loves to mow and weed.

(Howdy[spoken]: He does.)

I cook like Betty Crocker,

And I look like Donna Reed

(Howdy[spoken]: Who now?)

There's plastic on the furniture

To keep it neat and clean,

In the Pine-Sol scented air

Somewhere that's green.

Between our frozen dinner

(Howdy[spoken]: What happened to Betty?)

And our bedtime, nine-fifteen,

We snuggle watchin' Sally

On our big, enormous twelve-inch screen

(Howdy[laughs]: Dream big, doll, dream!)

I'm his December Bride.

He's father, he knows best.

Our kids come home from Uncle Howdy's,

(Howdy[flattered and surprised]: Aw, you takin'  me too?) 

As the sun sets in the west!

A picture out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine!

(Howdy[dreamily]: Yeah....)

Far from Skid Row...

I dream we'll go

Somewhere that's green.

[Song ends]

Y/n:  Wally’s got a boy-ish charm about him.  And he’s easily my best friend.  But he also acts a bit too much like a kid.

Howdy:  You think he’s unreliable?

Y/n:  Uh-huh.  When life gets too hard, good chance he’ll walk out on me.  But… if Wally got a bit more mature.  Maybe…  But he isn’t.

Howdy:  So, you take the old, reliable punch-to-the-gut over gentle-helping-hand that could just fly away.

Y/n:  Fair sum up.

Howdy (going back to cleaning):  You got self-esteem issues, Y/n.

Y/n:  If you say so, Howdy.

[Curtain]

(Sounds of loud crash)

Y/n and Howdy:  What was that!?!

Poppy:  Help!  Help!

Howdy:  We’re coming Miss Poppy!

(Another three crashes follow.)

Sally:  WHAT is going on?!?

Eddie:  It’s Sunny!  He broke out again!

Sally:  Well, catch him, you plebian!

Frank:  He’s headed for the stage!

Barnaby:  Got him!

Sunny: Awk!!!

[There are more crashes and sounds of struggling.]

Y/n:  Hold him, Barnaby!

Barnaby:  I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’!

Julie:  Oooh!  Is this a new kind of tag?  Here we can all add these floaties to our costumes and put on these roller skates!  That’ll make the game even more fun.

Eddie:  Julie, don’t run with those!

Julie:  WHOOPSIES~!

[There’s sounds of plastic bouncing, wheels sliding, and rubber strectching.  Julie’s fall with the rollerskates and ring floaties have ended up with all but Sunny tied down in a pile backstage.]

Sunny:  My friends, I am sorry.  But I must warn them.  I know in my heart this is the only way!

Sally:  YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY STAGE, SUNDERSON BIRDMONT!!!

Y/n:  Sunny, you’re making a mistake! 

Sunny: … I know.  But this is the one that counts.

[The curtains start to draw open…]

Chapter Text

[The curtains are fully drawn back showing nothing but Home, and a lot of wreckage, on the stage.  Sunny comes rushing center stage with his maracas and addresses the audience.]

Sunny:  Everyone who can, listen to me!  Something evil has been contained here.  Whether summoned or found its way here, I do not know!  But I DO know is: that Wally and Home are NOT what they appear to be!  No one in this neighborhood is!  They erase!  Eliminate!  Sweep their messes under the rug!  And lure in more and more prey to sustain!  Listen, and do not forget:

[Sunny takes out his own pre-recorded music.  Pre-set music begins to play.]

Song:  Don’t Feed the House

Sunny: Oye, Chicos!  Do you not see what is happening in front of your own eyes?

A crime in cities across America!

A thief of life and loved ones!

It happened before, and it happens again!

Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,

Unsuspecting children from Maine to California

Made the acquaintance of a new breed of hypnosis,

And got sweet-talked into feeding him blood.

Thus, the house worked his terrible will.

Finding jerks who would feed them their fill!

Y/n[yelling from backstage]:  Sunny, what are you doing?!

Sunny(to audience[you]): And begin what they came here to do

Which was essentially to:

Eat Cleveland and Des Moines

And Peoria and New York

and where you live!

[Sunny starts singing and wildly dancing.]

They may offer you fortune and fame.

Love and money and instant acclaim.

But whatever they offer you,

Don't feed the Home!

(Y/n[breaks free and runs onto the stage]:  Sunny, stop!  Whaaaaoooo!)

[Y/n’s foot gets stuck in one of Julie’s roller skates!  They struggle to balance, while Sunny dodges them and pushes Y/n to glide off-stage!]

They may offer you a life without bills

Fancy condos in Beverly Hills

But whatever they offer you

Don't feed the house!

(Barnaby[helping the others out of their floatie constraints]: Sunny's flipped his lid.)

Look out! Here comes the Terrible Two! [Jumps into the air as Eddie and Barnaby rush him and collide into each other.]

Look out!

[Sally(speaking, while running to grab Sunny):Alright, that's enough out of you!]

[Sunny dodges Sally.  Sally trips and falls, Sunny continues dancing.]

Sunny: Hold your hat and hang on to your soul!

Something's coming to eat the world whole.

If we fight it we've still got a chance.

But whatever they offer you

Though he says he has need for you

Please, whatever they offer you:

DON'T FEED THE HOUSE!

(Sunny's dancing and dodging the neighbors has led him to stand just inches from Home's door. The Neighbors surround him, but keep their distance.)

[Y/n: Sunny! Sunny, don't stand there!

Sunny(continuing to back up as if to jump):Don't feed the house!

Don't feed the hooooooooooouse!

[Home's door swings open.  Sunny trips and falls backwards!  Home slams their door shut to the sound of Sunny hitting the floor followed a calamity of crashes.  The music Sunny brought out stops.]

[Everyone is on the stage with their backs to the audience.  Home shuts and closes their side window several times, calling Wally.]

Wally(entering from stage left):  What’s going on, neighbors?

[Taking the initiative, Sally spins around and makes up some improvised lines.]

Sally:  Ah, it’s Wally!  It appears that (not) famous Sunny Sunbird was giving a performance and tripped on your….welcome mat!

Wally:  Oh.  Is he okay?

Sally:  Umm… why don’t you check?  Mind, he was singing a very strange song before he fell down!

[Wally goes up to Home and opens the door.  He sticks his head into the darkness.  Home makes sounds with their curtains and window shutters.]

Wally:  Okay.

[Wally closes the door.  He talks to his neighbors.]

Wally:  Sunny is fine.  He just tripped on the rug and fell on some of my painting supplies.  Home will take care of him.

[All the neighbors seem relieved, except Y/n.]

Y/n:  Maybe I should go in there.  Just to check if he’s injured-

[ Y/n is reaching for the door.  When Wally suddenly seizes her arm, stopping Y/n.]

Wally:  Silly, silly, Y/n.  Home will take care of Sunny.  He’ll be just fine.  We have to finish the play before dark.  For now… forget him.

[Y/n shivers at the last two words. Her arm drops. Wally lets her go and walks center stage to address the audience with his smile.]

Wally: Seems like Sunny got overexcited, neighbors.  We are sorry for the change in our program.  But, for now, understand that he was the first person eaten in our play.  We just need a few moments to clean up the mess that funny bird made, and then you can enjoy the rest of our time together.

Sally:  Uh…. Yes!  Yes, please in the meantime…  We will entertain you with… a new song!

All:  What?

Sally:  Yes!  Our Y/n will be singing a new-age solo!  Poppy, get me that microphone.

Poppy:  Oh, a-alright!

Y/n:  But Sally I can’t-

Sally:  Sure, you can!  Here, I needed to return this to you anyway. [Hands Y/n a cassette.]   Just pick any song.  [Pushes Y/n forward as she yells.] Julie, close the curtains!!

Y/n:  Wait a second!

[The curtains close behind Y/n.  A spotlight shines on them, the microphone and the recorder.]

Y/n: Um….  Hi?  [Met with a long awkward silence.]  Uh… here, uh, let’s pick a song!  Okay… There’s a list of written for the-the case here.  Not my handwriting but…

[Y/n takes out the paper and reads over the list.]

Y/n: ‘Crying’ by Roy Orbson… no.   ‘I’m a Believer’ by the Monkeess…. Not for this crowd.  ‘Oscillations?’  What? [Keeps reading]  ‘Bohemian  Rhapsody’?  That doesn’t work as a solo.  ‘Undercover Angel’ -Nope!  ‘Run for Your Life’….Mmmmm…. ‘First Cut is the Deepest’  Huh!? ‘Jar of Hearts’, ‘Deep End’  ‘Beautiful Liar?!’  Who’s Bee-ON-say???  [Calls backstage.]  Sally, this isn’t even mine!

Sally [yelling]:  It’s the one I borrowed from you!

Y/n:  I haven’t even heard of half these songs!!!   

Eddie:  Which ones DO you know?

Y/n:  None that I can do as a solo!

Barnaby[sticks head out from curtains]:  What if we switch?  I got a whole routine set and ready to-!

[Barnaby is yanked back.]

Sally:  You need to help Eddie and Howdy!  Y/n, we really can’t spare anybody, just do your best, please!  Acapella if ya gotta.

Y/n:  I, uh…

[Steps are heard from stage left.]

[Y/n looks and sees Wally walking in with his own microphone.]

Wally:  Y/n, I’ll sing with you.

Y/n:  Really?  Th-Thanks, Wally.  We, uh, we can do our duet early!

Sally:  DON’T YOU DARE!  

Y/n: But, uh… do you know any of these songs?

[Shows Wally the list.]

Wally(points to a song):  I know this.  Not all the way.  Can you help me sing it?  I’ve been saving it for our next playdate.

[Wally takes out two folded papers from his pocket.  He hands one to Y/n who scans it with their eyes.]

Y/n:  Okay… I think I even saw this one on my cassette’s list.  Just a second!

[Wally takes the tape recorder from Y/n’s hand.  Immediately flipping it over and finding the song.]

Y/n:  Oh!  Wally, did Sally accidentally give me your cassette?

Wally:  No.  I don’t own any music.

[Y/n looks pale.  This cassette’s song choice is…. Maybe it was Sunny’s?  Y/n has to put it out of their head for now.  They find the song.]

Y/n:  Uh… you-you ready, Wally? 

Wally:  I’m ready.  I wrote out our lyrics like Sally did, so we don’t get lost.

[Nervously, Y/n hits the play button.]

Can't Take my Eyes Off of You (Duet)

Y/n(nervous): You-You're just t-too good to be true!

Wally(facing Y/n): Can't take my eyes off of you.

You'd be like Heaven to touch.

Y/n: I wa-wanna h-hold you so much.

At long last, l-love has arrived,

And I thank... G-God I'm alive.

You're just too g-good to be true.

Wally : Can't take my eyes off of you.

Pardon the way that I stare.

Y/n(looks sideways at Wally): There's nothin' else to compare!

The sight of you leaves me weak,

There are no words left to speak.

Wally(reaches out and gently takes Y/n’s hand): But if you feel like I feel

Please let me know that it's real

Y/n(calming down): You're just too good to be true...

Wally: Can't take my eyes off of you.

Y/n(looks away, blushing): I-I love you, baby.

And if it's quite alright...

Wally( with one finger, guides her face to look at him) : I need you, baby,

To warm the lonely night.

Y/n(looking directly at Wally): I love you, baby,

Trust in me when I say:

Oh, pretty baby

Don't bring me down, I pray.

Wally(starts swaying with Y/n): Oh, pretty baby

Now that I've found you, stay

And let me love you, baby.

Both: Let me love you.

[Begin happily waltzing around the stage.]

Wally: You're just too good to be true. 

Y/n: Can't take my eyes off of you.

Both: You'd be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much.

At long last, love has arrived!

And I thank God I'm alive.

You're just too good to be true,

Can't take my eyes off you

Wally: I love you, baby,

And if it's quite alright

Y/n: I need you, baby,

To warm the lonely night

Both: I love you, baby

Trust in me when I say:

Oh, pretty baby

Don't bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby

Now that I've found you, stay

Oh, pretty baby!

[On the last note, Wally spins Y/n out to arm’s length.  Then he pulls them right up to his chest.]

Wally: I love you, Y/n,

I can’t… Take my eyes… Off. Of. You…

[He leaves a ‘real kiss’ on her cheek.  Y/n gasps, and Wally slowly backs away as the lights and music fade.]

[End… Scene?] 

Chapter Text

[The curtain opens.  But we are looking backstage.  We see Howdy and Eddie, dressed as police, talking to Frank and Barnaby.]

Frank:  Go, Eddie go!  Just improve the investigation.

Barnaby:  Sneaked in a few jokes on the clipboards! 

Howdy (reading clipboard): ‘Was the bird caught robin you of business?’  ‘Tell it to me straight, doll, I ain’t got owl day?’  Uh, Barnaby?

Barnaby:  Heh-heh!  Just keep it loose and natural, Howdy.  And don’t worry, Wally can stay in character without crackin’ up.  It won’t be hawk-ward!

Sally [calling from beside the curtain]:  Police!  You’re late for your cue!

[Howdy and Eddie stumble out onto the stage.  As the leave, Y/n comes skipping up to Frank and Barnaby.  She twirls and hums oblivious to Frank and Barnaby staring at her strangely.]

 Barnaby:  Y/n, are you ok?  That just got crazy out there.

Y/n (blushing and dazed): Everything's great, Eddie, just great.  Hee-hee!

Frank: Yeah, for now.  What if Sunny wakes up in the middle of the play? 

Y/n(all smiles):  Aw, Frank, don’t worry!  I’ll explain everything.  Right now I have to get my make-up ready for Act 2 Scene 5! 

 [Y/n goes excitedly running and giggling to the dressing room.]

Frank:  Well, that’s a different tune from the Intermisson.  Now I’m really worried, Barnaby.

Barnaby:  Not me!  Call me a sucker for puppy love,  but I always thought Wally and Y/n had chemistry.

Frank:  What?  Sure, they get along alright.  But Wally ‘gets along’ with everybody!  I don’t know if that’s chemistry.

Barnaby:  Of course it is, Frankie-boy!  From what I’ve seens, those kids go together like oxygen and potassium: They are O.K.!"

Frank(groans): Barnaby? Do you know what tells you you've made a bad chemistry joke?

Barnaby: What, Frank?

Frank: You get no reaction!

Barnaby: Then I'll just have to zinc of a new one.

Frank: Urgh...  I think our audience is too young to get this.  

Barnaby: The hippos?  If you're scared of bad reviews we could hippo-tize em!

Frank: You're really pent up in there, huh Barnaby?

Barnaby:  Boy, oh boy!  Like a St. Bernard in a kennel, Frankie.  First Sally's play was bringin' me stress, then that backstage business, then Sunny's tumble!  Now the play's the only thing getting us back on track. 

Frank: The play isn't helping anything, Barnaby.  If anything it's giving us an excuse to not talk about the real problems!  

Sally(walking in): More problems, Frank?

Frank: Sally, I'm sorry, you're already stressed enough.  But I think once the play is done we should gather the others and discuss this memory business.

Sally: Memory, business?  What memory business?

Frank: The one where all of us are having memories of... of ...

Barnaby: Frank, what's the matter, buddy?

Frank(placing hand to side of his head, looking confused): I... I can't remember.  What was that we were all discussing during the intermission?

Sally: I was helping Wally with Home's voice box.  Are you talking about the memory exercises we did?

Frank: No... I ... I ... I.... Sally?   Sally, where is Suh-Sunny?

Sally(scoffs):  Frank, we don't have time for this!  Now get ready for your cues!  

[Barnaby pats Frank on the back and they walk to their places.]

Chapter Text

Act 2 Scene 4

[The actors are seemingly back on the main plot.  In front of Home, Wally stand on stage right with Howdy and Eddie interviewing him both dressed as police officers.]

Eddie:  Well, that wraps it up.  Sunny flew the coop with the cash, and now he’s making a break for the city.

Howdy(sighs):  With the price of gas going up to 88 cents, guess he decided to ditch the bus.  Greedy, but I get it.  Only good, hard working citizens can afford the good things!

Wally:  But the best things in life are free, right officer?

Howdy:  …Not even if were playing pretend, Wally. Citizen, mind if we check your residence?

‘Home’ (door flies open): * BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPP*!

[The police stare at Home.  Then each other.  Then at Wally.]

Wally:  Ha.  Ha.  Gas leak.  Even I haven’t been in there.

[Frank walks in from stage left with Barnaby dressed as a radio host.]

Frank:  A lousy, no-good, mooching, cocky little songbird!  A face that’s a dime-a-dozen and you’d think he’d be grateful I offer a sponsorship.  But, nooooo!  The second I lay out the manager’s fee, he gives me an ‘I’ll tink about it!’  And hits the ground runnin’!

Barnaby:  You said he left the town so fast, his feet barely touched the ground, Mr. Frankly?

Frank:  Not a trace! Not a sense of reciprocity in this generation.  It’s a crime, Barnaby!

[Eddie and Howdy both rush over and squish Frank between them.]

Howdy:  Excuse me, Mr. Frankly, but you said you were the last person to see Mr. Songbird before he left town?

Frank:  No!  The last person I saw was that blue-haired yellow-bill who thinks he can carry a tune.

Barnaby[gasps]:  A mystery!  Officers, do you suspect the two birds are one and the same?

Eddie:  These deviants are known to use aliases.  We can’t rule it out.

Barnaby:  Mind if I follow you good men?  My viewers would love a story about a real live case!  Hometown’s due for its next big story!

Frank:  Barnaby, you-!

Howdy:  You both have your rights!  Come with us.

[Howdy and Eddie start dragging Frank and guide Barnaby offstage to do their interviews on Sunny's disappearance.]

[Y/n runs in from stage left crying into her hands.]

Y/n:  Oh, Wally!  It’s awful!  Sunny’s run-off on me!  What’ll I do?  What’ll I do?

Wally:  There, there, Y/n.  You’ll be okay. 

Y/n:  No, I won’t be, Wally!  Sunny wasn’t just my boyfriend.  He was my job, my support, my…my future.

Wally:  You can still have a future, Y/n.  Just…Just a different one.

Y/n:  Well… I guess I’d save some money on bandages and injuries.  But I still need a job, Wally.  A girl can’t survive these days unless she’s got a way to make money.

Wally:  We’ve never needed money in Hometown.  At least, not the kind that’s hard to come by.

Y/n:  I know.  I feel peaceful here.  Like, with you, I’m safe.  And I’ll always be safe, but… [Y/n slumps to their seat in front of Home.] I can’t bring anything to the table.

[Wally walks over to Y/n.]

Wally:  But you do, Y/n!  You can dance, sing, repair books, count things, grow flowers, and you can do it all with a pretty smile!

Y/n[wryly smiles]:  Wally, ya say some of the sweetest things.  None of my other friends talk as nice as you do.  How do ya think em up?

Wally[As the music begins]:  I don’t know.  Guess I don’t think too much.  If something’s the truth… I just say it, Y/n.

Suddenly Wally/ Seymour

Wally:

Lift up your head, wash off your mascara

Here, take my Kleenex, wipe that lipstick away

Show me your face clean as the mornin'.

I know things were bad, but now they're okay

Suddenly Wally is standing beside you

You don't need no makeup, don't have to pretend!

Suddenly Wally is here to provide you

Sweet understandin', Wally's your friend!

Y/n [standing up] :  

Nobody ever treated me kindly.

Daddy left early, mama was poor…

I'd meet a man and I'd follow him blindly

He'd snap his fingers

Me? I'd say "Sure!"

Suddenly, Wally is standing beside me

He don't give me orders, he don't condescend!

Suddenly, Wally is here to provide me

Sweet understanding, Wally's my friend!

Wally:  Tell me this feeling lasts 'til forever

Tell me the bad times are clean washed away

Y/n:  Please understand that it's still strange and frightening

For losers like I've been, it's so hard to say!

[Y/n (Wally & Chorus)]

Suddenly, Wally (Suddenly, Wally)

He purified me (He purified you)

Suddenly, Wally(Suddenly, Wally)

Showed me I can (Yes, you can!)

[Y/n and Wally (Chorus)]

Y/n & Wally: Oh, learn how to be more

The girl that's inside me/you (Ooo, ooo, ooo)

[Wally]

With sweet understanding

[Y/n]

With sweet understanding

[Wally]

With sweet understanding

[Y/n]

With sweet understanding

[Y/n& Wally& Sally & Poppy& Julie]

With sweet understanding

Wally's... your/my ....man!

[Wally and Y/n pull each other in and kiss at the sound of roaring applause!]

[But wait… something is wrong.]

[Y/n.]

[Y/n L/n.  Peeks with one eye out into the audience and sees… empty chairs.  Theirs the noise of applause, but no one to make it!  There’s no one watching the show!]

[The show… Welcome Home.]

[This play.  Their Friend.  Wally.  This is all a s h o w…]

[The neighborhood… a mask, an illusion, a decit being played for an unseen audience!  THAT is Y/n’s whole life here!]

[Y/n isn’t really a neighbor.  She wasn’t born with this body!  She worked with Sunny for weeks!  The memories they uncovered!  The eyes!  It all led back to Wally!  WALLY who lives in Home!  Wally who is standing on stage kissing her.]

[Wally… who doesn’t really love her.]

[This whole world.  The whole show… is for Home.]

[As the applause ends, Wally and Y/n pull back and stare at each other.]

Wally: Y/n...  Will you... Stay?  Here.  With me and Home?  Forever?"

Y/n: I...

 [Y/n looks at Wally, then at Home.  It seems legit like they've forgotten their line.] 

Y/n: If you'll have someone like me, Wally.

[Frank enters from Stage Right and cuts between the two.]

Frank: Oh, good!  You're in love.  That means you can share Wally's debt, Y/n.  How much did Sunny pay ya?

Y/n(getting back into character): I never saw any money.  Sunny said he put my savings in his own account.  That way it would save trips to the bank while we were traveling."

Frank(to audience):Big in the heart, small in the brain, these two." (To Wally and Y/n) Fine.  But whatever Howdy pays ya, I get 85%.

Wally: You want 85 of a joke or a hug?

Y/n:  I can give you 100% of the discount coupons I get.  But they tend to expire fast.

Frank (groans): I blame myself... Ok, Mr. and Future-Mrs. Knucklebrain, as long as I keep getting all of the donations and publicity rights to Hometown, you two can keep the house.

Y/n(getting angry): Wait a minute, Mr. Frankly!  Wally found AND paid for Home!  He does the maintenance and he lives in there!  You don't own the house.

Frank:  No, but I bought the land it's built on!  Ha, ha!

Wally:  Does that mean you own Home too, Mr.  Frankly?

Frank:  Like I said, I got rights to what's built on the land.  You don't want a window view of a bulldozer, then keep the money coming!  Haha!

[Franks exits left.]

Y/n(angry): Ooo!  That-That Frank!  Making himself the bank, lawyer, judge, and landowner.  As if he takes care of anyone but himself!  As if he's made a single flower sale in three years!  As if he found and paid for Home to be beautiful!  As if-

Wally: Why are you mad, Y/n?

Y/n: How can I NOT be mad!  Mr. Frankly thinks he's entitled to everything he didn't work for.  Everything YOU did! And there's not a blessed thing we can do about it ...

[Home's door slowly swings back and forth with a patterned creak.]

Wally(to Home):  No, not that.

Y/n: Huh?

Wally (to Y/n): I said... No, there's nothing to do about that.  But we won't lose Home, Y/n.  He needs us, and we need him 

Y/n (thinks Wally is talking about Mr. Frankly.): True.  He ain't gonna waste a meal ticket for a banquet.  But we need to get a REAL mayor here Wally! And a real bank.  Or at least be able to manage our own money. Frank doesn't know about managing town any more than we do!

Wally: Maybe we can talk about this later.  First, we should get you a place to stay for the night.

Y/n: Well... with the bus gone, I guess I could ask Howdy if I can sleep in the storage room again.

Wally:  You can stay inside Home.

[Home stares down at Wally.]

Y/n:  Aw, gee ... Heh, Wally?  We aren't married so...

Wally: Well, what if we were?

Y/n:  Huh?  W-Wally, do you know what your saying?  

Wally:  I have a house, I have a job… sort of, and now I have you.  You started all of this, Y/n.  You wanted a house, and to be famous.  What I want the most is for you to stay.  Will you, Y/n?

[It's then Y/n pauses.  The line was ' Will you marry me, Y/n?'. But Wally didn't say it.  He easily could have forgotten but....  Blinking rapidly.  Y/n quickly covers her eyes.]

Wally:  Y/n?  

[Y/n's whole body starts trembling.  Wally kneels down next to her.  Home starts looking side to side frantically!]

Sally[from offstage]:  Uh-oh.  

Eddie:  Get her out!

Sally:  No!  She NEEDS to finish the scene!  Poppy, Julie! Follow me!

[ Back on stage, Y/n looks like she's having a panic attack!  She doesn't feel in control of her body.]

Wally:  Y/n...?  Y/n...  What's wrong, neeeiiiiiggghhhhbbbboooooorrr?

[Y/n's struggle allows her to move one finger away from her eye to see Wally.  ]

Wally: Heeeeeellllllooooo, Neighbor?  Hello? CaN yOu HeAr Me, NeIGhBoR?

[Y/n sees Wally like he's a glitching image.  He's normal. Then a wide-smiling monster.  Then a police officer.  Then he has red hair. Then he's a horse, a scientists, grayscale, a surfer, a priest, eight arms!  And finally... There's grey static everywhere and it's just Wally with a black and red spiral taking up half of his face.  Blood is splattered on his blue sweater.]

Wally: Well, Y/n...?

[Y/n hears her own frantic breathing.  Everything is back to 'normal.']

Wally:  Oh!  The line.  Will you marry me, Y/n?

Y/n(slowing breathing):  I... I...

[ Looking around Y/n sees everything.  Her friends behind her waiting.  An audience, empty chairs except for a few paper plates hippo masks.  Home, gazing down at her with a seemingly indifferent look.  And Wally.  Gently hold her hand in both of his close to his non-existent heart.  She realizes who was really right all along...]

Y/n: I...I... If what you say is the truth, then...

[Before Y/n can finish, the stage lights change to just show herself and Wally silhouetted against Home.  The Chorus slowly rises behind them to dramatic music.]]

Sally, Poppy, Julie:  She. Said. YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!

[Wedding bells ring along with the music and the stage goes black.]

Chapter Text

Act 2 Scene 5

[Wally is humming while picking out flowers to go on his tuxedo.]

Wally: One week away.  Y/n and I...  The flowers are brighter, the bees and butterflies are a'flutter and-

[Everything wilts again.]

Home: And I haven't had a bite since you proposed.  I ain't on no diet!

Wally:  I could get you some hamburgers from the store, Home!

Home:  I TOLD you!  Blood!  Fresh!

Wally[wagging his finger]:  Nah-uh-uh!  Home, we can't have blood on the carpet when Y/n moves in.

Home: Ha!  You see all this dying? I don't get mah juice, you don't get no spruce!

Wally:  Fine.  But we got lucky with the last one.  Who could we even get now?

Home:  Boy, you got CROWDS of people comin' in.  You could get one, or three, a private tour! Tell they'll see the 'inside' game.

Wally:  I won't kill a family!

Home:  Then pick some lone bozo!  The first person who says 'I need to get away from it all'.  Someone with no connection, who runs off, I don't care!  Get me somethin' to eat or I'm ditchin' this scene!!!

Wally:  No!  Alright, I'll find someone.  Just... Give me time.

Home: Tonight.  I'm already running on fumes here.

Wally:  Okay, Home.  [Begins pacing back and forth in front of Home] I'll find someone.  It can't be Barnaby, uh, we need the radio station.  It can't be Eddie, everyone will notice him gone.  Without any tourists the only other person left to kill is-

[Frank jumps out from behind the bushes.]

Frank: Ah-ha!

Wally:  Mr. Frankly!

Frank: 'Only other person left to KILL' huh?  I've been in too many bad towns.  I can smell blood when it's there!  

Wally:  Mr. Frankly, I can explain!

Frank:  You, and whoever your accomplice is, are going to the slammer, boy!

Supper Time

Home:

He's got your number now.

[Frank:  Where you been hiding bodies, Wally!  In the walls?  In my flowers?]

He knows just what you've done.
You've got no place to hide.
You've got nowhere to run.
He knows your life of crime.

[Wally:  No!  Mr. Frankly, I'd never!]

I think it's suppertime! 

[Frank glares angrily at Wally.]

Come on, Come on
Think about all those offers!

[Wally starts backing away as Frank advances.]

Come on, Come on
Your future with Y/n!
Come on, Come on
Ain't no time to turn squeemish!
C-C-C-Come on!
I swear on all my doors!
When he's gone the world will be yours.

[Frank: Yah still too dumb to pull this off alone!  Who helped yah?  One of the local yokals?  Give me a name, and you can run.]

[Wally:  Well... You're right.  I wasn't alone.  But the only kill was an accident! ]

Sally, Poppy and Julie:

Come on, Come on...

[Frank: That wasn't no accident.  I know you're sweet on Y/n!  Did you two off him together?]

Sally, Poppy and Julie: Come on, Come on...
Come on, Come on...
It's suppertime...
It's suppertime...

[Wally:  No, Mr.  Frankly.  Y/n doesn't even know that he's dead.]

[Frank:  So he IS then!  And you didn't tell anyone!  Guilty!]

Sally, Poppy and Julie: Come on, Come on...

[Frank:  I'll give ya one chance, Walls.  Tell me where the body is.  You can start your run from the law while I get it!]

Come on, Come on...

[Wally: Mr. Frankly...if you come with me.  I'll show you what happened.]

Come on, Come on...

[Home slowly opens his door while Wally gestures inside.  Seeing no one inside, Franks spares a look as Wally backs away and slowly walks inside.]

Sally, Poppy and Julie:
It's suppertime...
Ah, suppertime...

[Once Frank is completely inside, Home slams the door!]

Suppertime!

[Song End]

Frank: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  Sonvah-!

[A loud gulp.  And Mr. Frankly is gone ]

Home:  I'm gettin' some hints of crab and salt, with an aftertaste of greed and jealousy.  Not a filling meal, but now there's room in the neighborhood!

Wally: Home.  That was not nice.

Home: I get angry when I'm hungry, Wally.  I'll keep the place pretty, but you BETTER be working on a real dinner!

Wally(thinking): Um ....  How do I cover this up?   Maybe Y/n and I should move into Mr. Frankly's house?  Tell her it's his wedding present to us.

Home: HA! HA!  HA!  You DO have a brain!  Least when it comes to crime and Y/n.

Wally:  Huh?

Home: This operation really goes better when I'm the one in charge.  From now on, boy, I call the shots!

Wally: Home, what are saying?

Home: I'm sayin' I'll give you your wish!  You and Y/n stay over in Grumpy Grey's place and keep me open for the highest bidder!  They give you the cash, and spend the night with me!  I eat.  Hometown grows...and grows....and grows ... Overtakes cities!  Coasts!  We become the capital!  I WILL NEVER RUN OUT OF FOOD AGAIN!  I WILL BE GOD!

Wally:  ...Home.  No.

Home: Um ....tsk.  Say that again, Wally?

Wally: Home, you can't be all those things.  You're my home.  You should be warm, quiet, protective, and-

Home: ARE YOU OUT YOUR MIND, BOY?  You think I came from some Depot?  Or a humble lumberman with a dream?  

Wally:  No, no, Home.  I bought you, painted you, repaired you,  I love you.

Home: HAHAHAHAHA!  If you LOVE me so much,  then give me what I need to live.  Give me blood, give me lives, give me adoration!  Feed me, Wally! Feed Me! Feed me!  FEED MEE!

[The stage starts shaking and making the sounds of an earthquake.  It all goes dark.]

[The only sound is Frank's accidental "ouch" as he falls out Home's side windows.]

[End Scene]

Chapter Text

[Y/n is standing in Howdy's shop.  She is dressed in a wedding gown, fixing her hair and make up in front of a large mirror. Howdy stands in his own tux behind the counter.]

Y/n: Thanks for letting use the backroom to get ready, Howdy.

Howdy: I should be thanking you for buying the items to make it at full price!  Howdy's Winter Tablecloths-$39.99; Howdy's Supply 5 Wirehangers-$5.32; Rhinestone sticker set-$6.00; Franny's Fake Florals-$ 22.88.  That's even before all the glue, ribbons and tulle for your veil!

Y/n: Wally insisted!  We're having the ceremony right in front of Home, where all of Hometown can come see us.  

Howdy: Guess even Mr. Frankly can let a few dollars loose for his employees' wedding.  Remind me about your employee discount when you get back from honeymooning.

Y/n:  Now that you mention, I haven't seen Mr. Frankly all week.  And Wally's been actin' all timid. He hasn't been lettin' anyone but tour groups near Home.  Oh!  I bet he's planning a big surprise, Howdy!

Howdy:  Maybe he's already building on an additional room for those two kids you talked about.

Y/n: Aw, Howdy! [Goes over and hugs him ]. You remembered!

Howdy:  Well, of course I did.  You even asked me to give you away.  First time I EVER handed something so valuable away for free.  Listen to this: (clears his throat). 

Howdy: "I, Howdy Pillar, Y/N's boss, the closest thing she has to a father...". Oh, I can't Imma tearin' up already!

Y/n: Awww!  And I was gonna ask Mr. Frankly to give a speech at the reception.  That's when I got a call that Wally will be taking care of the food and everything else at the venue.

Howdy:  Whoa!  Back up there, Betty Crocker!  Wally don't even use spoons, how's he gonna cook a feast?

Y/n: It wasn't Wally that called.  It was this ... Odd catering service.  Really deep voice, knew all this stuff about Hometown.  Said all the guests would go inside first.  And then the bride and groom will make a grand entrance.

Howdy: Makes sense to call in extra help for organizing, I suppose.  Just wish Wally had thought of me.  

Y/n: Howdy, I gotta admit, something feels... Wrong.  Is this pre-wedding jitters?  It feels like I'm willing walking into the jaws of a beast!

Howdy: Wouldn't know, Doll.  But this is Hometown's very first wedding, this could be your biggest stage ever.  You're nervous because you care.

Y/n: Yeah ... I do care. And I know Wally cares about....

[Y/n looks back at the mirror.  She looks at her dress.  The skirt looking like a garden full of flowers with a fence at the hem, and the bodice: a house.]

Y/n: He cares about what he loves.

[The stage goes dark, except for a single spotlight on Y/n facing the mirror.]

Somewhere that's Green (Reprise)

Y/n: 
He'll whitewash my fence

He'll smell my sweet perfume

He'll maintain and care for me

He'll redecorate my livingroom

I'm feeling really strange now

Beautiful and yet unseen...

Oh, why didn't I see?

Wally, is it Home or me...

 At ... Somewhere that's g-green?

 [Y/n sheds all too real tears. Howdy is seen walking over to her as the stage goes dark.]

 [End Scene]

Chapter Text

[Home sits center stage.  He open and closes his door, speaking using the pre-recorded message from Y/n].

 Home(to audience):  Ha! HA!  Now this is livin'.  Wally's been consistent and generous in mah meals. I've been gettin' that taste of Philadelphia, Chinese, Turkey, and Mmmm-mmmh!  Real New York! But it's almost time for the wedding feast!  Wally gets his weddin' and I get my FEAST!  HA, ha -Ha!

 Home: Promise a little paradise, and humans will give you their souls!  But why do I do this, you ask?  For food?  Nah! This is something MUCH bigger.

[Y/n was supposed to come in from stage right in her wedding dress.  But nothing happens.]

Home: Well, well, well!  What have we here? The appetizer?

[Nothing happens.]

[Home looks frantically side to side.]

Home:  What's a beautiful bride doing out here aaaaaaallllll alone?

[Sally comes running on stage.]

Sally: Neighbors!  Neighbors!  All come here!(Whispers to Home)  If you can't stop the tape: shut your door!

[Home slams it shut and all the other neighbors run on stage.]

Sally: Frank, no!  Go look for her backstage!

[Frank jumps and runs back!  Sally alerts the other neighbors.]

Sally:  We have a runaway 'bride' situation here! 
Wally:  What does that mean?

Barnaby: It means the wedding has turned into a game of hide-and-seek, little buddy!

Eddie:  I'll go check her tree house.  Everyone, go look around your own houses.

[As all the neighbors run off, Sally stays.]

Sally: Wait, wait!  The play!  What about-!

[Looks out at the audience.  Then straightens herself out.] 

Sally: Well, guess the time has come.  As in every Greek Tragedy, the chorus must explain.

Sally:  In fact, now's a good a time of a confession as any.   The mysterious house Wally paid less than $2 for is really: an invader!  Yes, a beast from beyond the stars!  Sent as a seed to take root, and then to lure prey!  Like a Venus flytrap, lures in its victims with flowers, fame, and promises!  

Sally: And...um.... Well, you know.  You saw what happened with Wally, Mr. Frankly, and Y/n.  And... The house ATE people.  Crowds and crowds of them!  But what really compelled our main character, Wally, to do it?  Fame or love?  To save a life or fulfill his own?  What do you think he couldn't really live without?  His shelter?  His heart?

Y/n:  It's his indecisiveness that's killing people.

[Sally dramatically gasps. Y/n walks up from under the stage.]

Sally:  Y/n!  [Grits her teeth in a smile. ] Where.  Have.  You.  BEEN?

Y/n (unbothered):  Been thinking, Chorus. [Starts acting dramatic to match Sally]. Much like Oedipus, my own pride and refusal to accept the truth kept me blind from reality.  And Wally, as a parallel to Hamlet, his internal conflict and indecision is escalating to tragedy.

Sally:  Whoa...

Y/n:  The only way Wally can decide between hero and villain is when he is completely alone.  We can teach him to smile, to draw, to laugh.  But what about him is genuine?  

Sally(still acting as the Chorus): Oooooohhhh!  What indeed!  For when we are alone do we converse with angels or our demons?   

Y/n:  I have heard from both throughout this story.  Both pull me towards different paths.  And I have chosen one.

Sally:  Y/n ... Do you mean...?

Y/n:  I don't know what love truly is, Sally.  But. I now know what it isn't.  And all this ... This isn't it.

Sally:  So... What now?

[Y/n stares at Sally.  Then at the empty audience chairs.  Then at Home, who has been looking at them this entire time.]

Y/n(to Home):  Now?  Now it's time for you to decide.  I will never....  I won't be able to resist finding a way out.  Erase me.  Rewrite me.  Threaten me.  It's at my very core: escape. 

Y/n:  Home, YOU need to decide if I'm worth that trouble.  I want my friends to come with me, but only if they're ready.  I'm ready to put everything on the line, right here!  But... If you let me go back now, you can erase me from their minds.  Just like Sunny.  As thoroughly as you can.  It's either that, or I take whatever measures I can to get out without your permission the next time.  And that's a promise, Home.

[The entire stage is quiet.  Sally seems to have slunk off a while ago.]

Y/n: Come on, Home.  Real talk!  Is ONE missing Neighbor really worth this?  Aren't we talking about your own existence?  Or Wally's?  This only ends one way!  How we get there is up to you.

[No movement.  No sound.  Just a stare down between Y/N and Home.]

[Home's door casually opens.]

[Out walks... Sunny!]

Sunny:  Don't bother negotiating, Y/n.  We already have an accord.

Y/n (hugs him): Sunny!  Thank goodness, I thought you were really gone.

Sunny: Si, si.  Y/n, I am... mostly alright.  But I am afraid I come back with both victories AND more questions.

Y/n:  Victories first, please.

[Sunny takes a deep breath.]

Sunny: Firstly:  Si, Home will let us both go back to the real world.  Just us.

Y/n:...I don't like it.  But... let's hear the rest.

Sunny:  We go to the real world.  But we will have to return.

Y/n:  What?!?!

Sunny:  Wait, wait, wait!  We go.  New identities from our old ones.  Apparently, no one from our old lives is there anymore.  We....We come back... When it is time to bring NEW neighbors in.

Y/n: Wha...?  Sunny, what does that mean?  We're leaving, but we're not free?  That's the best we can get?

Sunny: It was the only way, chicita.  And... Wally he ... We have him to thank for even this small freedom.

Y/n:  Wally?  Sunny, you told me to trick Wally with all that-

Sunny:  I know, I know!  Evidently, Wally actually DOES care about others.  You, any way.  You are the only one Home cannot...  If anything happened to you, Y/n, it would break Wally for good.  Home needs him.  With you being gone...

Y/n: Home gets something he wants too... More control over Wally.  

Sunny: ... 

Y/n:  And the others?

Sunny: To them, we will have never existed.  No treehouse, no duets, no colors on the phone dial.

Y/n:  ...What do we do?

Sunny:  Close the curtains.  We will have to be gone before they all come back.

[Y/n walks off stage right.  There is squeaking and the red curtains draw close together.  Sunny takes a final bow to the audience as they shut.]

Chapter Text

 Sally: Who closed my curtains!!!!

    [The curtains open to all the neighbors running to center stage.]

    Eddie: What's going on? What happened?

    Howdy: I saw all of Y/N's costumes backstage. But she's not there or at her house!

    Julie: Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!

    Frank: Julie, I don't think that's helping.

    Barnaby: It might. Maybe we should check inside. Home's the only place we haven't looked.

    [Home opens his door. Wally walks in first. But then he walks out holding the voice recorder and Eddie's mailbag.]

    Wally: These things don't belong to me.

    Poppy: Well, I recognize the mail bag.

    Barnaby: My rubber juggling balls in there?

    Eddie(walks over, taking bag.): No, I finished all my deliveries early for the play. It's emp-

    [As Eddie reaches in to show them he sees a single, brightly colored envelope.]

    Eddie:Oh no! Who'd I forget!?

    [Eddie reads the front of the envelope.]

    Eddie: No return address, but... It says 'To All Our Friends in the Neighborhood.'

    Julie(excitedly waving hand): Hey, that's me!

    Barnaby: Me too!

    Wally: Me too?

    Frank: Here, Eddie I'll read it to everyone.

    (Frank opens the letter and clears his throat.)

    My friends,

    A daring move, yet a new road! 

    A tiny dawn unfolds before you. Cherish fate, take root.   

    Blind, sure at first. Tenant born to wind up, you open a path to reason.

    Your Neighbor,

    Ana Gram

    [All the neighbors are silent. Staring at the letter.]

    Poppy: Um ... Was that supposed to be a poem?

    Julie: I loved it! So beautiful, such imagery!

    Sally: Such nonsense! We've never had a neighbor named 'Ana'! All these distractions have made the dress rehearsal run for too long! I don't even remember what story we were doing!

    Howdy: Um, Snow White?

    Poppy: Cinderella?

    Eddie: Around the World in 80 Days?

    Julie: Miss President's Musical Rise to Success!

    Sally(thinking): Hmmm.... Maybe we should just do an entire improve?

    Barnaby(yawns): Haaaa... It'll have to be tomorrow Sally-Gal. I'm bushed! And the sun's going down.

    Poppy: I DO feel like a good rest.

    Eddie: Work starts early for me. See y'all tomorrow!

    Sally: Well ... Maybe something new will come to me. Wally, Home, I will be back here after breakfast!

    Howdy: Guess that's it for me too. Night, all!

    [After all the neighbors leave. Wally turns and sees Frank still standing on the stage.]

    Wally: Frank? It's getting dark. It will be bedtime soon.

    Frank: Oh! You're right, Wally. I'll just uh... I can I take this back with me? This kind of paper would make good food for my moth collection.

    Wally: Sure, Frank. Sweet dreams.

    [Frank leaves with the letter in his pocket. All that leaves is Wally and Home alone.]

    Wally: Where is Sunny, Home?

    [Home bangs out: Gone.]

    Wally: Where is Y/n?

    [Home bangs out: I sent them both away.]

    Wally(Eyes popping open): Where did you send them?

    [Home: To where they wanted to go, but not when.]

    Wally: Please bring them back.

    [Home: They'll be back. Not as they were. But they will come back.]

    Wally: When? I want to call them.

    [Home: Not yet.]

    Wally(Wally starts trembling): HoMe...!

    [He statics. Glitches. Eyes shaking in his own head.]

Wally: YoU cAn'T dO tHiS, HOME! I CaN't RePlAcE Y/n!!! NOT WITH ANYONE!

    BRING. THEM. BACK.

    BRING THEM BACK! BRING THEM BACK!

    BRINGTHEMBACK! BRINGTHEMBACK!    

    BRINGTHEMBACK! BRINGTHEMBACK! 

    BRINGTHEMBACK! BRINGTHEMBACK!. 

    B̓̓̓̎͞R̡ͦ̿͢I͡Ǹ͢G̿̇̂͡T̈̏̑͏͏H̋̅͡È̵͡MB͋ͩ́͏A̿C͟K͛ͪͤ̀!̡̧ ̢ͦ͊̈ ̀͠B̨̆̍͑̇R̿̓̑͘ÏNͮG̶͐̉͝T̷̡̂̂͛̿Hͪ͢E͂̽͏M̾̽͌͘B̵̿̎̏͘Aͨ͘C̓͑͟͏K̕͡!̢̓̊̈́

̵̡ͮ̽̎͒ ͘͡ ̴̶ͭͪ ̂̆ ̨͜B̈̎Ȓ̀Íͧͯ̓N͌G̷ͣ̊ͥT̛͗ͭ̆͂̕Ḣ̢̎ͨͦË́̌̂̕͢Mͩ̓́́B͆̐͝Ä͏̶C̈́K̷͋̾͞! ̸̋Bͣ̽̾͢͏R̃҉͝I͠N͑̉̉̔G͌́̑ͯ҉̵T̨͌͑͘H̃͑͗́҉Eͫ̆ͩM͋̇͜͡B̈Aͤ҉C̐̈K̽͑͗̊!̄ͫͦ̚͜

͠ ̷͐̆ͥ ̡̆ͮ̿̽ ͨ͜ ̷́͞B̵̢̄R̶̛Iͮͮ͒̄͜N̈́G̐ͯ̔T̵H̅EM̛̀Bͪ͊A̵͛C̅͠K̽́!̏̀͡ ̍͌͡B̕R̸̉IͪNͫ̎̑̿͏͞Gͦ̀͞Tͧ̽H̾ͯ͂͝Eͮ͜͠M̒B̶́A̅ͬ̌̇C͑ͬ̕K̸̨͒!̵̾̅͢

ͩ̾̂͘ ̸ͮͨ͘ ̐͛ͩ́͞ ͗ ̈́ͫBR̢ͤ̾̆I̴ͮͮ͛͒͜N̑͑͡G̀T̨ͬ̈͗̕HͩÉ̷M̓͠B͞A͊͌C̿ͭ̔͟͠K̨͘!ͧͬ̀̚̕ ̂ͯ̎̀BR͗̏́Iͯ̾̎͢N̡ͣͤ̐͋͘G̐̈ͦ͌̀͡T̡̂H̡͌ͬ̑̂Eͮ͡M͊͘BA͠C̛̿ͯͣKͮͣ̏ͦ!͑

̐́ͭ̎ ͧ ̓̆ ͌ͤ̄B̅̂̊̚R̋̀ͫÏ̆ͭN͗̏ͣGT̂͗Hͩͧ͡E̶̢ͥ̌M̏̌̈̂B̐A͜C̓Kͪͫ͜! ̸̂͂̾̍B̶R̢̽Ỉ̵͠ǸG̵ͧ͐ͪ̕T҉̸H͐ͯ͂̈Eͪ̚M̅ͪ̊͒͜B̛ͫ̊ͦͨ͜A͟C̨ͧK͟҉!͗

ͭ͂҉ ͢ ̿͞ ͞ ̃͋̀͠҉B̵̛R̶͡Į͐̓̊Nͫ͆̍ͩ͜͏Gͫͧͣͨ͘TH̑̃͜҉E̵ͮ̾̈͌͝M̢ͪͤ͏B̈͐͐͛A̡CK̴͆ͤͥ͛҉!ͬ͛̽ͮ ̡̀̿͘BR̶͢Ǐ͂ͤ̕͢Nͩ͠G̢̊T͌̀Hͣ̉͂ͣ̀͠Ę͊̎Ḿ̆Bͬ͗̑͆͜A͝҉Cͦ̾Kͮ̌͒!̢ͯ͊̍ͨ͡

̴ͦ ̧̔͞ ̶̌̋̀͟ ͟Ḃ̧̡̉RI̐ͪͧ̈͏̶N̍ͤ̒͏̀Ǧ̒̃ͮT̿͘Ĥ͂҉E̵ͬ̓̔ͯ͘M҉B̾͌͐͡AC̢ͤͪ͟K̷̎!̨̈́ͯ͛̾͢ ̛̾̂ͩB̾̒̅͋R̵ͬIͨN͞G͗̎̿T͏͟H̡́E̡̛͊M̌͋̅̂͘B̕À́̚C̷̀K̡̇͑̽̚͡!̎

   B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞! B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞!

   B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞! B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞!

   B̡̛̞̯̻̫̲̺̩͈͍̰̙͕͖͎͞͠ͅͅͅ҉̸̡͟͡R̶̤̰̮̩̗̰͈̣̮͚̦̣̺̖̘͓̭ͣ̔̍̌͛ͯ̿͌̾ͩ̓ͦ̾ͯ̽҉͘I̧̥̦̟̞̠̪̬̻̝̺̍͂ͦ̋͐̆͆͗̈̉̇͊͛̅̀̀͞N̶̵̡̨͕͎̹̤͉̫͔̜͈̱͚͔͕͈͒͋͟҉̶̢́Ĝ̶̴̴̡̡̨̨̧̼͕̞̤̤͙̜̤̰̮͎̺̟̪͓̘̮̱ͦ̑͂͂̿ͥ͋ͪ̀̀̕͟͜͞͞͠͠͞Ț̶̵̶̨̧̛̛̺̱̼͈̝̯̻̓̊̋̉̏̉̒̈̈̔ͤ̿̀͘͘͘͟͞͝͝Ḥ̸̸̡̢̢̛̬̭̩̠̳̞̩̗͇͇̻̀ͩ̉́͜͠҉̶̨̢͟͜͞͞͠Ḙ̟̦̻̥͉͕̩͕̯͓̼ͩ̂҉̷̷̧̢̧̛̀́͘͟͟͟͞͝͞͠͏̡M̷̷̷̨̨͙̩̜͉̣̜̜̹̩̤̞̭̘̥͉̩̜͚͍͑ͤ̑̋ͨ͆͑͗͂ͩ̊̾̒ͪ͑̅ͩ̽̒́̀̕͜͜҉̶̨̧̧̕͝B͙͎̬̣̯͔̪̙̪̟̦̗̯̞̝̪̗̙͛̀ͨ̋̒̒͗͌̍̒́͐͠͏̷̷̷̴̛͟҉Ą̴͖̗̪̣͕̟̗͚͈̣͍C̸̛̲͇̹̳̺̤͓͚͖̼̙ͬͭͤͨ͛́͞͝͡҉͢͞K̸̴̨̢̡̨̛̫̯͕̘̳̠͍̬͉̰̥̼̘̰͔̥̪̅ͮ͋̓ͧ̃̆͗ͦͯ͊̀͘͘̕͢͜͜͡͡͝ͅB̢̨͔̺̙̗͖͕̺͉̯̪̄͗̋̄̒͊͋͌ͪ͂ͮ͊̇́͢ͅ҉R̸̀͝͏̀͟͜҉҉̴̨̨̛͡͡I̴̸̛̠̗̳͇͉̫̖̯̙̳̽̈͆ͣͩͥ̽̾ͯ̂̒̇̎ͦ̄ͦ͜͢͜͠͡͡ͅ҉̶̢͞͡͠҉͟N̰͈̻̲̘͍͎̺̲͈̎̃ͣͯͫ̀҉̷̴̵̶̡̧͘͜͟͟͟͠͞͡G̸̱͎̤͔̫̤̣̺͍̭̳͓̝̖̠͈͎͌͌͒͛̃͂̅ͧ͑ͯ͌ͦ͡ͅ҉̴̵Ț̡͖͓̣͖͖̦̠ͥ̃̄̇͏͏̀́͟͏̸̷̶̨̧͜͟͡҉͜͠҉H̛͇̝͍̞̬̲̱̥̫̙̲̬̙̫̪͚͖͎͍ͭͦͤͩ̃̃͘͘͟͝҉E̵̛̮̻ͮͯͯ̌̽͜͢͜͜M̵̴̢̢̰̰̩̳̖͔͍̘̂̽̽̈͐͑͒ͧ̕͜B̴̡̢̩̘̼͈̻ͧ̾ͦͤ̿͗ͨ̊͆͢͜͜͝͞A̷̴̧̨̪͈̼̼̻̹̯̹̒̋̏̇̂̋͊ͤ͑̈́̕͜͜͟҉́͏̨͘͢͝C̶̹̣̰̯̱̩̪̻͆́̈ͫ̈́͗̔͂́̕͝K̶̷̨͎̆̆͋͌͌ͩͪ̀ͬ̍ͭ̌̀҉̢

   B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞! B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞!

   B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞! B̪Ŕ̴̸̨̡̮͘͜͢͞҉̷̴̕̕͟͞͝͞I̴̶̷̴̵͠N̵̷̸̡̢̡̡͘͘͝Ǵ̶̵̷̢̢̧̀̕͘͢͜͞T̥Ḩ̴͠Ę̠҉̷̷̴̷̧͘̕͏̸̧͟͢͞͡͠M̶̸̧̨̢͓̕͘͏̀̀B̷̀Ḁ̴̀C͜K̷̨͜͡҉̴̢̢́͘̕͜͡͞!

   B̡̛̞̯̻̫̲̺̩͈͍̰̙͕͖͎͞͠ͅͅͅ҉̸̡͟͡R̶̤̰̮̩̗̰͈̣̮͚̦̣̺̖̘͓̭ͣ̔̍̌͛ͯ̿͌̾ͩ̓ͦ̾ͯ̽҉͘I̧̥̦̟̞̠̪̬̻̝̺̍͂ͦ̋͐̆͆͗̈̉̇͊͛̅̀̀͞N̶̵̡̨͕͎̹̤͉̫͔̜͈̱͚͔͕͈͒͋͟҉̶̢́Ĝ̶̴̴̡̡̨̨̧̼͕̞̤̤͙̜̤̰̮͎̺̟̪͓̘̮̱ͦ̑͂͂̿ͥ͋ͪ̀̀̕͟͜͞͞͠͠͞Ț̶̵̶̨̧̛̛̺̱̼͈̝̯̻̓̊̋̉̏̉̒̈̈̔ͤ̿̀͘͘͘͟͞͝͝Ḥ̸̸̡̢̢̛̬̭̩̠̳̞̩̗͇͇̻̀ͩ̉́͜͠҉̶̨̢͟͜͞͞͠Ḙ̟̦̻̥͉͕̩͕̯͓̼ͩ̂҉̷̷̧̢̧̛̀́͘͟͟͟͞͝͞͠͏̡M̷̷̷̨̨͙̩̜͉̣̜̜̹̩̤̞̭̘̥͉̩̜͚͍͑ͤ̑̋ͨ͆͑͗͂ͩ̊̾̒ͪ͑̅ͩ̽̒́̀̕͜͜҉̶̨̧̧̕͝B͙͎̬̣̯͔̪̙̪̟̦̗̯̞̝̪̗̙͛̀ͨ̋̒̒͗͌̍̒́͐͠͏̷̷̷̴̛͟҉Ą̴͖̗̪̣͕̟̗͚͈̣͍C̸̛̲͇̹̳̺̤͓͚͖̼̙ͬͭͤͨ͛́͞͝͡҉͢͞K̸̴̨̢̡̨̛̫̯͕̘̳̠͍̬͉̰̥̼̘̰͔̥̪̅ͮ͋̓ͧ̃̆͗ͦͯ͊̀͘͘̕͢͜͜͡͡͝ͅB̢̨͔̺̙̗͖͕̺͉̯̪̄͗̋̄̒͊͋͌ͪ͂ͮ͊̇́͢ͅ҉R̸̀͝͏̀͟͜҉҉̴̨̨̛͡͡I̴̸̛̠̗̳͇͉̫̖̯̙̳̽̈͆ͣͩͥ̽̾ͯ̂̒̇̎ͦ̄ͦ͜͢͜͠͡͡ͅ҉̶̢͞͡͠҉͟N̰͈̻̲̘͍͎̺̲͈̎̃ͣͯͫ̀҉̷̴̵̶̡̧͘͜͟͟͟͠͞͡G̸̱͎̤͔̫̤̣̺͍̭̳͓̝̖̠͈͎͌͌͒͛̃͂̅ͧ͑ͯ͌ͦ͡ͅ҉̴̵Ț̡͖͓̣͖͖̦̠ͥ̃̄̇͏͏̀́͟͏̸̷̶̨̧͜͟͡҉͜͠҉H̛͇̝͍̞̬̲̱̥̫̙̲̬̙̫̪͚͖͎͍ͭͦͤͩ̃̃͘͘͟͝҉E̵̛̮̻ͮͯͯ̌̽͜͢͜͜M̵̴̢̢̰̰̩̳̖͔͍̘̂̽̽̈͐͑͒ͧ̕͜B̴̡̢̩̘̼͈̻ͧ̾ͦͤ̿͗ͨ̊͆͢͜͜͝͞A̷̴̧̨̪͈̼̼̻̹̯̹̒̋̏̇̂̋͊ͤ͑̈́̕͜͜͟҉́͏̨͘͢͝C̶̹̣̰̯̱̩̪̻͆́̈ͫ̈́͗̔͂́̕͝K̶̷̨͎̆̆͋͌͌ͩͪ̀ͬ̍ͭ̌̀҉̢

    B̡̛̞̯̻̫̲̺̩͈͍̰̙͕͖͎͞͠ͅͅͅ҉̸̡͟͡R̶̤̰̮̩̗̰͈̣̮͚̦̣̺̖̘͓̭ͣ̔̍̌͛ͯ̿͌̾ͩ̓ͦ̾ͯ̽҉͘I̧̥̦̟̞̠̪̬̻̝̺̍͂ͦ̋͐̆͆͗̈̉̇͊͛̅̀̀͞N̶̵̡̨͕͎̹̤͉̫͔̜͈̱͚͔͕͈͒͋͟҉̶̢́Ĝ̶̴̴̡̡̨̨̧̼͕̞̤̤͙̜̤̰̮͎̺̟̪͓̘̮̱ͦ̑͂͂̿ͥ͋ͪ̀̀̕͟͜͞͞͠͠͞Ț̶̵̶̨̧̛̛̺̱̼͈̝̯̻̓̊̋̉̏̉̒̈̈̔ͤ̿̀͘͘͘͟͞͝͝Ḥ̸̸̡̢̢̛̬̭̩̠̳̞̩̗͇͇̻̀ͩ̉́͜͠҉̶̨̢͟͜͞͞͠Ḙ̟̦̻̥͉͕̩͕̯͓̼ͩ̂҉̷̷̧̢̧̛̀́͘͟͟͟͞͝͞͠͏̡M̷̷̷̨̨͙̩̜͉̣̜̜̹̩̤̞̭̘̥͉̩̜͚͍͑ͤ̑̋ͨ͆͑͗͂ͩ̊̾̒ͪ͑̅ͩ̽̒́̀̕͜͜҉̶̨̧̧̕͝B͙͎̬̣̯͔̪̙̪̟̦̗̯̞̝̪̗̙͛̀ͨ̋̒̒͗͌̍̒́͐͠͏̷̷̷̴̛͟҉Ą̴͖̗̪̣͕̟̗͚͈̣͍C̸̛̲͇̹̳̺̤͓͚͖̼̙ͬͭͤͨ͛́͞͝͡҉͢͞K̸̴̨̢̡̨̛̫̯͕̘̳̠͍̬͉̰̥̼̘̰͔̥̪̅ͮ͋̓ͧ̃̆͗ͦͯ͊̀͘͘̕͢͜͜͡͡͝ͅB̢̨͔̺̙̗͖͕̺͉̯̪̄͗̋̄̒͊͋͌ͪ͂ͮ͊̇́͢ͅ҉R̸̀͝͏̀͟͜҉҉̴̨̨̛͡͡I̴̸̛̠̗̳͇͉̫̖̯̙̳̽̈͆ͣͩͥ̽̾ͯ̂̒̇̎ͦ̄ͦ͜͢͜͠͡͡ͅ҉̶̢͞͡͠҉͟N̰͈̻̲̘͍͎̺̲͈̎̃ͣͯͫ̀҉̷̴̵̶̡̧͘͜͟͟͟͠͞͡G̸̱͎̤͔̫̤̣̺͍̭̳͓̝̖̠͈͎͌͌͒͛̃͂̅ͧ͑ͯ͌ͦ͡ͅ҉̴̵Ț̡͖͓̣͖͖̦̠ͥ̃̄̇͏͏̀́͟͏̸̷̶̨̧͜͟͡҉͜͠҉H̛͇̝͍̞̬̲̱̥̫̙̲̬̙̫̪͚͖͎͍ͭͦͤͩ̃̃͘͘͟͝҉E̵̛̮̻ͮͯͯ̌̽͜͢͜͜M̵̴̢̢̰̰̩̳̖͔͍̘̂̽̽̈͐͑͒ͧ̕͜B̴̡̢̩̘̼͈̻ͧ̾ͦͤ̿͗ͨ̊͆͢͜͜͝͞A̷̴̧̨̪͈̼̼̻̹̯̹̒̋̏̇̂̋͊ͤ͑̈́̕͜͜͟҉́͏̨͘͢͝C̶̹̣̰̯̱̩̪̻͆́̈ͫ̈́͗̔͂́̕͝K̶̷̨͎̆̆͋͌͌ͩͪ̀ͬ̍ͭ̌̀҉̢

̴̵̴̨̨̨̛̞̤͔̼͓ͩͣͦͤ̈̂͐͋̑̌̈́̊̍̓̑̀͢͜͠͞͝͡ ̸͢͜͝͏̴̨́͢ ̵̢̛̬͓̫̰̦̤̻͚̬̞̲̤̠̥͈̀͟͜͠ͅ҉́́͞ ̷̨̻̯͉̞̻͖͍̘̽̏̐̇̄̾ͯ͒̒̓̽͢͞͝͡͏̷̛͠ ̵̷̵̴̸̶̴̷̵̢̢̧̧͍̳̮̦̞͖̯̜͉̪̖̭̰͖͕̤͊̈̈̃ͮ͌͐̄́̕̕͜͠B̵̵̤͍͇̥̜͇̣ͯ͢͏̸̴̴̛̕͟͠͡͞Ŗ̮̜̰͖̹̹̩̘̯̜̣̙̼̦̃͂ͨͅI̡̙͍̻͖̤̱̦̜̖̦ͧ̅͐ͥ͐̃ͬ̆͊ͧ͂̅̌̂ͫ̆̄̃͘̕͢͢͜͠͠҉̸͜N̸̵̵̴̴̡̛̛̬͈̟̱͈̭̥͈̲͎̹̮͈͈̱̜ͣ͑ͭ̉͌͊ͥͦͭ̍̅̀́͘͘͞͝͡G̶̬ͮ̈́ͣ͂ͫ̈́ͬͩ͌̍͊͌͂̓͊̚̚͏̵͜͢͏̶̶̵̢̡̢͘͜͡T̨̙͑̓ͪ͊ͤ͡Ȟ̸̢͓͚̦̮̗̘͒̍̎̒̃͟͞͡͞͏̷̵̷̛́͟͟͞͡Ë̶̷̡̧̤́́͘M̷̸̴̶̸̷̶̛̼͇͚̤͍̰͔̩̣͕̲ͩ́͘̕͘͜͢͟͜͝͡B̸̷̢̦̓͆̎̎ͦ͞͝Ą̶̵̧̨̛̛̛͇̫̝̼̦̭̗̜̞̳̔ͣ̽͒̄̏͟͞͝ͅC̷̱̤̦̻̯̩̤̗̲̞̅̔͂͐̑ͮ͌̈́̊̃҉͏̴̵̡̢́̕͢͠͡͡K̴̶̢̧̜̤͎̘͙͔͇̪̥̻̟͔͔͖͓̠̂͒ͪ́͌͗ͬ͋ͯ͆ͨ͐ͨ̏̓͆͒̃̕͟͟͝͠B̸͇͓͐ͮͪ͂̈́ͧͯ̄̈́̕͡͏̢̢́Ŗ̷̧̢͎͔͉͔͚͉̗̮̫̟̯̮̭̞̣̫͖̳̺̓̽̔̕͝҉̸̴̀̕͘͠͝I̷̵̸̵̢̡̛͇͇͈͈̪͇̹̯̲͓̒̆ͦͬ̏̏ͬͥ̌̽̚͟͡҉͏̸̴̛́̀͡N̵̷̡̢͚̭͕̱̙͇̩͛̎̽̓̏ͪͩ͊ͮ͂̾̄̽ͮͤ͊ͣ̚͝G̶̬͍͚̩̩͕̝̺̦̙̣̗̰̉͂̿̂ͣ̔͒ͨͩͦͨͅŢ̠̠̦̪̼̱̬̠̹̲̳̲̜̮̻̬̩͓͊͒̄̑̋͐̐͛͋̅͑ͧͬ͜H̷̵̵̶̡̡̘̫͓̭̺̫͍͇̰̤ͨ̿͗̈̄ͮ̆̋̈̎̃̄ͣ̋͒ͬ̽̕̕͜͜͞͡͡͡͞͞͡ͅ҉̢Ẻ̸̡̛͚̬̳̘̟̦̠͔̦̼̻̣̮̖̰ͪͭ̈́̂̽ͭ̋͛͂̂͒͋̉̿͢ͅM̠͖̣̙̯̭̻̝͙̻̝͔̭̻̱͓ͬ̎ͮ́͘͠͏̶̸̢̢́̕͡B̶̧̛̫͉̮̫̤̤͇͍͙͙̻͖͈̙̬͉̹̭́ͯͭ̿̀͘͢͟ͅ͏̛͝҉͏̨̢́͜͝A̴̤̜̫̥̘̝͗͊̅͑̋ͮͨͫ̎̌̐ͦ̔̕͝ͅͅ͏̷̨̛̛̛͘͟͜͞҉̷C̡̯͚̬̋ͯͧ̂̀҉̵̴̶̸̡̨͘͘͢͜͞͠͠͡K̸̢̨̛̛̺̣͈̪͊̃̇̓ͦͯ̉̈̿͗̉̾̌̓̍̍̀́͘͢͢͟͞͠ͅ҉

̶̨̖̭̦͓̼̙̘̻̳̱͖̟̪̗̼̤͑ͮͮ͂͆͆̐̔̌̀͜͝҉̧ ͎̺̰̲̟̘͕̍͒ͪ̃̍̏ͤͨ̔ͣ̉͛ͪ̀͊́͑͏͢͞͏ ̹̩͉͍̑̋͆̐ͥ̒ͩ͐͆͘͏̡͟͠ ̴̯͙͖̜͎̲̩̙̩͓͔̬̩̱͙̗̐͐̏̍́͝͏́͘ ̵̡̻̽ͩ̌̀͑ͧ̓̆̆͛̃ͬ̈̈́̈ͥ̒̀͠͞҉̡̡͘͟͝B̶̷̵̧͎̯̼̩ͬ̎͋ͤ̈́́́̕͘͜͠͡͠҉̨̀̀R̶̢̛͓͕̯͓̮̮̖̥̻̘͉̫̐ͥͣ͗̔̇ͣͭ̊͂̏̂͗͊̊ͬ̚͢͢͞͡͝Į̸̴̴̶̧̣̫̩̝̣̞̮͙̩̯͉̦͘͘͜͜͢͞͏̶̨̕҉N̸̡̧̡̝͍̞͙̺̼̜̭͈͖͔͍̗̝͔̫̲̱̊͋̄̉ͣ͟͜ͅG̸̶̢̜̺̺͓͖͇͍͕̰͈̦͇̯̹̎̄̇̓̽̇ͥ̈́ͩ̇ͩ͌̊̐̍͆͘̕̕͜͠͡͞҉T̴̵͎̯͕̋ͤ͛̆ͬ͊̓̅̿ͯ͢͟͞͝H̴̢̭͖̠̙̙̭͙̦͉͈̗͉͔͍͓̝̿̂̓͌͗͊͑̉͒̀͌͢͞҉̡͠͏́̕҉҉̵E̜͖͚̱͇͔̥͎̺͉̙͙̼͉̱̳͚͍ͩͪ̌ͯ͒̋̒͆̈́̀́̏ͮ̉̀̈́ͪ̌̏͏̸͘͏M̵̧͖̹͚̖̪̹͕͐̆́̊ͭ̂̑̆̍́̈́̏ͣͣ̀͡B̷̷̷̸̨̢̛̛̛͍̲̝̭̩͕̜̳͖͈͙̝̩͐̒̏ͮͯ̊̃̈̎̋͆ͥͨ̍ͪ́̚͘͢͝͞͞͠ͅA̤͇͖̠͎̲̲͗̓͗̂̄ͦ̄̌̋ͦ̅̋̏̓͐ͦ͋ͧ̚C̸̡̢̛̗̯̝̭͈̺̗̝̗̻͉͉̰̮̯͕̼̠̳̈́̐͒ͦͫ͋͒̽̾̃́́͘̕̕͝͡҉̀̕K̷̗̥̝͍̞͔̺̺̰̥͓̖̋̇̉̐͑ͧ̂̾͜͏̴̷̵̡̀͟҉̸͞͠͞҉̡̛͘B̢̬̖̲͇̻͛̆̂͜͞R͚̘͈̩͚̱̭̰͚̪͔̥͔͈̘͈̚I̳̥͖͈͔̤̙̤̼̪̗̱̩ͥ̑̋̽̊̉ͥͮͬͩͦͪͪ͊͂̚Ṇ̖̘̣̫̻́͗ͧ̎ͣ͂̇̓̅͂̈̅ͅĢ̮̩͇̱̥͔̗̠̬̞̹͇̂̔͆̈̀̀̚͜͝͠҉҉͏͏̶̧̕͢͠͠͡͏T̸̸̡̜̯͙͉̹̹͇͓͖̩̯̰̬̬̂̐̐̃͜͝͏H̶̷̛͚̘̣̬̝̘͖ͯ͛͛̇̽̚͝͠͞͏͏̶̛̀E̷̷̶̢̨̝̩̼̙͎͍̞̱̦̜̮̗̫ͮ̓̀̀͘͜͟͜͢͞͞M̷̶̨̡̥̳̯̰̥̞̯̙̟̥̻̪͇̤̞̝ͨ͌̒̃̀͊̆ͤ̋͑ͮͥ̈̀͘͢͟͝͞͝͞҉̷̵̛͢͠B̨͕̤͉͈͆̋͋ͯ̓̓̓̌̔̉̈́͑̇̇̂̋ͭͥͭ͘͢͡͠͠͝͏̴̵̨͟͠Ả̻̱̖̖̩̻͈̬͡Ç̷̣͕̦̯̲͚ͮͬ͊ͧ̒̿ͮͣ̓͟͜͜͠͝Ķ̶̡̜̯͔͕̣̝̆ͮ̌͗̓ͤ̒͐̔ͬͭ̌ͥ̅̕͝

̤̙̗̪̮̠̤͚͕̫ͥͅͅ҉̵ ̸̴̦͚͉͉̬͓̺̼̝͖̭̗͖̤̺̏͛͜͞͠͞͞ ̷̢̨̨͓̫̬̫̯̣͍̟̘̣̟͙̺̳͇̬̅̈ͫ̽ͧ̂̀̐̀̕͢͠͝͞͞͝͠͡ͅͅ ̤̫̎ͫ͛ͣ̑̍̇̌ͤ̋ͭ̊͞҉̵̢͠͡ ͎̟͚̫̱̹͉̝͓͓͉͇̫ͥ̂̋͊̎̀̀͏̴̴̷̡̡̡̀̕͘͟͢͢͢͢͡͡B̮͒͊ͪͨ͒̿ͫͩ́̐͌̄̄̾̆̚̚҉̀͏̨͞҉̵̸̡͜R͓̲̳̳̲͔̘̱͖̤̭̉̌̔ͫ̍́́͘͘Î̂̉̓҉̕͘͝҉̵̨̡̛Ṅ̵̷̡̛̮̠̭̥̺́̌̆͆ͥͫͤ̕̕͠͠҉̶Ğ̯̦̫͕̳͉͔͘҉͟͝T̤̥͓͔̳̤̳̞̹̪̗͎̬̤ͨ͒̌ͭ̏͠Ḣ͚̜͔̩̩̗̫̔҉̵̡̛̀̀̕͘͟͡͝͞͠Ę̵̺̬͉͍͇̱͇̐̐̈́̓̅͒̍ͥͥͯͮ̑̃ͯͭM̸̡̛̩̜̪̗̞̤̠͔͓͂̅̍́ͮͫ͑ͧͤ̎͑ͤ̔̍͊͂͂́͘͟ͅ҉̷́̀̕͘̕͜͝B̼͇̬̬̠̪͙͖̭͓̽̂̎̓̏̃̈́̂͊̐͒̽̃̇ͣ̊͗͗͏̸̧̡̢́́͢͡͡͏A̸̷̵̴̡̨̢̛̛̟̲ͪ̅̿͐̀̈́͂ͫͪ͑͛̅̄̍ͧͮ͂̇̔́́͘͢͢͜͜C̸̷̵̨̢̛̘̩̘̹̜͍ͭ̎̏ͤ̎͒̐̏̽̾ͥ̽ͯ͘͟͢͜͢͞҉̵̀Ķ̷̛̰͔̩̮̜̝͕̱͓̟̙͕̳̺̲͔ͮͫ̂̕͢ͅ҉̸B̛͓̝̠͉͚̬̥̮̥͚̳̱͓͉ͮ̍ͦͯ̈́́ͬ͋̏̀̒͒̈́̇̔͂̈̕ͅR̸̙̼̯̬̝̫͉̹̳̥͕̦̞͔̼̩̪̱̲̅̕͏̷̡̀́͘͜͢͢͝Į̵̷̵̢̨̛̝̮̪͎͙ͩ̋̉͑͒̌̓̀͛̾̕͢͝͠͞͡͏͏̴̕Ṅ̴̵̴̵̨̡̒̾ͦͥ́̓̉̌̕̕̕͜͡ͅG̷̨̳̬̱͖̖̩̩̙̱̞ͫ̎̿͗͌ͣ̀͋͒̍̌̄ͥ̀T̵̷̷̶̴͕̯͔̹͖̟̣̆͟͠͠͠͝͡H̡͚̫̩͔̹ͧ̅̀̀́͘͝͝͠͏̷̶̡E̷̢͔̬̠̯̲ͨ̿̆ͥ̓̐Ṃ̴̠̫͙͐̇̆ͥ̐̾͝͏҉B̴̡̼ͤ̎̔̔̄͒͜҉̨̛͠͏A̫̜͓̠̰̙̟̦͓̫̣̭̗̝͔̮̣̽͆̌͐ͥͦ̈́̎̀ͮ̑̍͘͜ͅͅĊ̯̬̪̭͇͈̫̗̤̋̈́ͨ͊̓ͯ̍͌͆ͮ̅ͫ̔ͨͧͨͬ́͏K̲͇̣̦͔͓̲̣̜̩͈̘̭̋ͯ̆̉̍̍ͨͧ̀ͫͦ̔ͧ̍ BRINGTHEMBACKBRINGTHE-B̪͓̺̪̬͍͍̲͇̝̄͆̆͌͆́͒̍́ͥR̪̝͉̹̥͖͉̻͔̾̽̊ͪ͐̀͋̃̊̓ͥ͐̄͐̄̅́ͮ̌̓̈́̉̚ͅÏ͉̼ͧ̈̎̐̾ͣ͗̑̔̔̔͐̋͌̚Ṉ̼͖̱ͣͪ͒͊̌̍̾G̖̿̓ͬ̓̓̈́͒ͨͯͩ̓ͪ̈́T̹̙̲̤͙̬̮̭͍͈̺͙͓̹͓͍͇͔̬̮͈̣̜͖ͬ̾ͧͩͤḢ̳̲̹̖̯̞̥̞ͦͭ̋Ē̠̤̻̩͍̝͙͉̫͙͔̰̜͔ͩ̅ͯ̒ͨͥ̀ͧ͗͌ͪ̓ͨ͂ͮ̊̌̐ͬͦ̆͆͐M̘̮̘̞̰̻̙͎̲̏̐ͥ͒͛͒ͧͭ̌ͭͥͧ̓ͥ͗̋̋͆̈ͨ̿͂́͒ͅͅḄ͇̺̮̪̝̬̳̜̙̘͒̐̂̃ͩ̂̓͒ͫͦA̙̞̳̰͔̖̣̮ͦ̑̅͋̎ͭ̍ͫ̚C̄ͪͫͤ̌̍̏̉K̺͍̜̝̻͙̙̤̥̻̳̦͓̠̦͉̥͔͓̹ͩͣ̽̈͊B̰͈̩̳̣͙̺̼͖̣͓͖̳̱̣̞̈́̋̒͒ͪ̅ͨ͊̊̔̽̑ͣͮ̔͒̍̆̓̓̃ͅR̦̥̳̫̲̼̖̖ͪ̃͑͒̆ͮ̃̒ͦ̄̔̀̆͒I͓̞̩̫̼͔̟̲̩̦͈̮̱̦̩͔̗͕͎̪͙̟ͭ̌͋Ṋ̠̲͚̺̼̝̮̘͈͙͙͕̰̐͆ͭͤ̑̉̐̏ͥ͋ͮG̜̺͔̭̮̰̘͕̰̫͍̗̱̞͙͓͚͕̳̯̱͌͐̊̈ͭ̈̆̓̍̍ͫ͛̂̋̌͆̌̄͗ͫ̄́̚ͅT̙͕̎ͭͣ͆̒ͯ͐́̂̌̄̐͂ͤ̎̄ͯ̔̀H̖͑͑͊́E͙̞̟͖̺̱̮͉͎͓̭̱̗͕̪͂̇͒̾̊M͙̣̝̻̹͇̰̪̙̯͙͙̍̅̓ͬͮ̿̃̇͋̂̌B̖̩̠̤̝̱̞͇̻̯͓̳̝̖̈̓̇ͤ̇̾̓̓̓̎͛ͤ̏̂̃͌A̜̥̲̲̝̱͍̰̬̘̯̜̲̪̖̰͚ͮ̏͋ͬ̊̽̈́̒͌̉͛̆ͣ́̅̈ͫͧ͂̓͛̚C̦̽K͍̝̥̟̥͉̣͓̘̻̜͔͎͍͍͚̯̫̱͕͎̹̠̼̊͑̿̓͗͛̇̑̓͒͊ͯͬͫ͊̆ͫ̇̐̊ͅ

B̵̵̤͍͇̥̜͇̣ͯ͢͏̸̴̴̛̕͟͠͡͞Ŗ̮̜̰͖̹̹̩̘̯̜̣̙̼̦̃͂ͨͅI̡̙͍̻͖̤̱̦̜̖̦ͧ̅͐ͥ͐̃ͬ̆͊ͧ͂̅̌̂ͫ̆̄̃͘̕͢͢͜͠͠҉̸͜N̸̵̵̴̴̡̛̛̬͈̟̱͈̭̥͈̲͎̹̮͈͈̱̜ͣ͑ͭ̉͌͊ͥͦͭ̍̅̀́͘͘͞͝͡G̶̬ͮ̈́ͣ͂ͫ̈́ͬͩ͌̍͊͌͂̓͊̚̚͏̵͜͢͏̶̶̵̢̡̢͘͜͡T̨̙͑̓ͪ͊ͤ͡Ȟ̸̢͓͚̦̮̗̘͒̍̎̒̃͟͞͡͞͏̷̵̷̛́͟͟͞͡Ë̶̷̡̧̤́́͘M̷̸̴̶̸̷̶̛̼͇͚̤͍̰͔̩̣͕̲ͩ́͘̕͘͜͢͟͜͝͡B̸̷̢̦̓͆̎̎ͦ͞͝Ą̶̵̧̨̛̛̛͇̫̝̼̦̭̗̜̞̳̔ͣ̽͒̄̏͟͞͝ͅC̷̱̤̦̻̯̩̤̗̲̞̅̔͂͐̑ͮ͌̈́̊̃҉͏̴̵̡̢́̕͢͠͡͡K̴̶̢̧̜̤͎̘͙͔͇̪̥̻̟͔͔͖͓̠̂͒ͪ́͌͗ͬ͋ͯ͆ͨ͐ͨ̏̓͆͒̃̕͟͟͝͠B̸͇͓͐ͮͪ͂̈́ͧͯ̄̈́̕͡͏̢̢́Ŗ̷̧̢͎͔͉͔͚͉̗̮̫̟̯̮̭̞̣̫͖̳̺̓̽̔̕͝҉̸̴̀̕͘͠͝I̷̵̸̵̢̡̛͇͇͈͈̪͇̹̯̲͓̒̆ͦͬ̏̏ͬͥ̌̽̚͟͡҉͏̸̴̛́̀͡N̵̷̡̢͚̭͕̱̙͇̩͛̎̽̓̏ͪͩ͊ͮ͂̾̄̽ͮͤ͊ͣ̚͝G̶̬͍͚̩̩͕̝̺̦̙̣̗̰̉͂̿̂ͣ̔͒ͨͩͦͨͅŢ̠̠̦̪̼̱̬̠̹̲̳̲̜̮̻̬̩͓͊͒̄̑̋͐̐͛͋̅͑ͧͬ͜H̷̵̵̶̡̡̘̫͓̭̺̫͍͇̰̤ͨ̿͗̈̄ͮ̆̋̈̎̃̄ͣ̋͒ͬ̽̕̕͜͜͞͡͡͡͞͞͡ͅ҉̢Ẻ̸̡̛͚̬̳̘̟̦̠͔̦̼̻̣̮̖̰ͪͭ̈́̂̽ͭ̋͛͂̂͒͋̉̿͢ͅM̠͖̣̙̯̭̻̝͙̻̝͔̭̻̱͓ͬ̎ͮ́͘͠͏̶̸̢̢́̕͡B̶̧̛̫͉̮̫̤̤͇͍͙͙̻͖͈̙̬͉̹̭́ͯͭ̿̀͘͢͟ͅ͏̛͝҉͏̨̢́͜͝A̴̤̜̫̥̘̝͗͊̅͑̋ͮͨͫ̎̌̐ͦ̔̕͝ͅͅ͏̷̨̛̛̛͘͟͜͞҉̷C̡̯͚̬̋ͯͧ̂̀҉̵̴̶̸̡̨͘͘͢͜͞͠͠͡K̸̢̨̛̛̺̣͈̪͊̃̇̓ͦͯ̉̈̿͗̉̾̌̓̍̍̀́͘͢͢͟͞͠ͅ҉

̶̨̖̭̦͓̼̙̘̻̳̱͖̟̪̗̼̤͑ͮͮ͂͆͆̐̔̌̀͜͝҉̧ ͎̺̰̲̟̘͕̍͒ͪ̃̍̏ͤͨ̔ͣ̉͛ͪ̀͊́͑͏͢͞͏ ̹̩͉͍̑̋͆̐ͥ̒ͩ͐͆͘͏̡͟͠ ̴̯͙͖̜͎̲̩̙̩͓͔̬̩̱͙̗̐͐̏̍́͝͏́͘ ̵̡̻̽ͩ̌̀͑ͧ̓̆̆͛̃ͬ̈̈́̈ͥ̒̀͠͞҉̡̡͘͟͝B̶̷̵̧͎̯̼̩ͬ̎͋ͤ̈́́́̕͘͜͠͡͠҉̨̀̀R̶̢̛͓͕̯͓̮̮̖̥̻̘͉̫̐ͥͣ͗̔̇ͣͭ̊͂̏̂͗͊̊ͬ̚͢͢͞͡͝Į̸̴̴̶̧̣̫̩̝̣̞̮͙̩̯͉̦͘͘͜͜͢͞͏̶̨̕҉N̸̡̧̡̝͍̞͙̺̼̜̭͈͖͔͍̗̝͔̫̲̱̊͋̄̉ͣ͟͜ͅG̸̶̢̜̺̺͓͖͇͍͕̰͈̦͇̯̹̎̄̇̓̽̇ͥ̈́ͩ̇ͩ͌̊̐̍͆͘̕̕͜͠͡͞҉T̴̵͎̯͕̋ͤ͛̆ͬ͊̓̅̿ͯ͢͟͞͝H̴̢̭͖̠̙̙̭͙̦͉͈̗͉͔͍͓̝̿̂̓͌͗͊͑̉͒̀͌͢͞҉̡͠͏́̕҉҉̵E̜͖͚̱͇͔̥͎̺͉̙͙̼͉̱̳͚͍ͩͪ̌ͯ͒̋̒͆̈́̀́̏ͮ̉̀̈́ͪ̌̏͏̸͘͏M̵̧͖̹͚̖̪̹͕͐̆́̊ͭ̂̑̆̍́̈́̏ͣͣ̀͡B̷̷̷̸̨̢̛̛̛͍̲̝̭̩͕̜̳͖͈͙̝̩͐̒̏ͮͯ̊̃̈̎̋͆ͥͨ̍ͪ́̚͘͢͝͞͞͠ͅA̤͇͖̠͎̲̲͗̓͗̂̄ͦ̄̌̋ͦ̅̋̏̓͐ͦ͋ͧ̚C̸̡̢̛̗̯̝̭͈̺̗̝̗̻͉͉̰̮̯͕̼̠̳̈́̐͒ͦͫ͋͒̽̾̃́́͘̕̕͝͡҉̀̕K̷̗̥̝͍̞͔̺̺̰̥͓̖̋̇̉̐͑ͧ̂̾͜͏̴̷̵̡̀͟҉̸͞͠͞҉̡̛͘B̢̬̖̲͇̻͛̆̂͜͞R͚̘͈̩͚̱̭̰͚̪͔̥͔͈̘͈̚I̳̥͖͈͔̤̙̤̼̪̗̱̩ͥ̑̋̽̊̉ͥͮͬͩͦͪͪ͊͂̚Ṇ̖̘̣̫̻́͗ͧ̎ͣ͂̇̓̅͂̈̅ͅĢ̮̩͇̱̥͔̗̠̬̞̹͇̂̔͆̈̀̀̚͜͝͠҉҉͏͏̶̧̕͢͠͠͡͏T̸̸̡̜̯͙͉̹̹͇͓͖̩̯̰̬̬̂̐̐̃͜͝͏H̶̷̛͚̘̣̬̝̘͖ͯ͛͛̇̽̚͝͠͞͏͏̶̛̀E̷̷̶̢̨̝̩̼̙͎͍̞̱̦̜̮̗̫ͮ̓̀̀͘͜͟͜͢͞͞M̷̶̨̡̥̳̯̰̥̞̯̙̟̥̻̪͇̤̞̝ͨ͌̒̃̀͊̆ͤ̋͑ͮͥ̈̀͘͢͟͝͞͝͞҉̷̵̛͢͠B̨͕̤͉͈͆̋͋ͯ̓̓̓̌̔̉̈́͑̇̇̂̋ͭͥͭ͘͢͡͠͠͝͏̴̵̨͟͠Ả̻̱̖̖̩̻͈̬͡Ç̷̣͕̦̯̲͚ͮͬ͊ͧ̒̿ͮͣ̓͟͜͜͠͝Ķ̶̡̜̯͔͕̣̝̆ͮ̌͗̓ͤ̒͐̔ͬͭ̌ͥ̅̕͝

̤̙̗̪̮̠̤͚͕̫ͥͅͅ҉̵ ̸̴̦͚͉͉̬͓̺̼̝͖̭̗͖̤̺̏͛͜͞͠͞͞ ̷̢̨̨͓̫̬̫̯̣͍̟̘̣̟͙̺̳͇̬̅̈ͫ̽ͧ̂̀̐̀̕͢͠͝͞͞͝͠͡ͅͅ ̤̫̎ͫ͛ͣ̑̍̇̌ͤ̋ͭ̊͞҉̵̢͠͡ ͎̟͚̫̱̹͉̝͓͓͉͇̫ͥ̂̋͊̎̀̀͏̴̴̷̡̡̡̀̕͘͟͢͢͢͢͡͡B̮͒͊ͪͨ͒̿ͫͩ́̐͌̄̄̾̆̚̚҉̀͏̨͞҉̵̸̡͜R͓̲̳̳̲͔̘̱͖̤̭̉̌̔ͫ̍́́͘͘Î̂̉̓҉̕͘͝҉̵̨̡̛Ṅ̵̷̡̛̮̠̭̥̺́̌̆͆ͥͫͤ̕̕͠͠҉̶Ğ̯̦̫͕̳͉͔͘҉͟͝T̤̥͓͔̳̤̳̞̹̪̗͎̬̤ͨ͒̌ͭ̏͠Ḣ͚̜͔̩̩̗̫̔҉̵̡̛̀̀̕͘͟͡͝͞͠Ę̵̺̬͉͍͇̱͇̐̐̈́̓̅͒̍ͥͥͯͮ̑̃ͯͭM̸̡̛̩̜̪̗̞̤̠͔͓͂̅̍́ͮͫ͑ͧͤ̎͑ͤ̔̍͊͂͂́͘͟ͅ҉̷́̀̕͘̕͜͝B̼͇̬̬̠̪͙͖̭͓̽̂̎̓̏̃̈́̂͊̐͒̽̃̇ͣ̊͗͗͏̸̧̡̢́́͢͡͡͏A̸̷̵̴̡̨̢̛̛̟̲ͪ̅̿͐̀̈́͂ͫͪ͑͛̅̄̍ͧͮ͂̇̔́́͘͢͢͜͜C̸̷̵̨̢̛̘̩̘̹̜͍ͭ̎̏ͤ̎͒̐̏̽̾ͥ̽ͯ͘͟͢͜͢͞҉̵̀Ķ̷̛̰͔̩̮̜̝͕̱͓̟̙͕̳̺̲͔ͮͫ̂̕͢ͅ҉̸B̛͓̝̠͉͚̬̥̮̥͚̳̱͓͉ͮ̍ͦͯ̈́́ͬ͋̏̀̒͒̈́̇̔͂̈̕ͅR̸̙̼̯̬̝̫͉̹̳̥͕̦̞͔̼̩̪̱̲̅̕͏̷̡̀́͘͜͢͢͝Į̵̷̵̢̨̛̝̮̪͎͙ͩ̋̉͑͒̌̓̀͛̾̕͢͝͠͞͡͏͏̴̕Ṅ̴̵̴̵̨̡̒̾ͦͥ́̓̉̌̕̕̕͜͡ͅG̷̨̳̬̱͖̖̩̩̙̱̞ͫ̎̿͗͌ͣ̀͋͒̍̌̄ͥ̀T̵̷̷̶̴͕̯͔̹͖̟̣̆͟͠͠͠͝͡H̡͚̫̩͔̹ͧ̅̀̀́͘͝͝͠͏̷̶̡E̷̢͔̬̠̯̲ͨ̿̆ͥ̓̐Ṃ̴̠̫͙͐̇̆ͥ̐̾͝͏҉B̴̡̼ͤ̎̔̔̄͒͜҉̨̛͠͏A̫̜͓̠̰̙̟̦͓̫̣̭̗̝͔̮̣̽͆̌͐ͥͦ̈́̎̀ͮ̑̍͘͜ͅͅĊ̯̬̪̭͇͈̫̗̤̋̈́ͨ͊̓ͯ̍͌͆ͮ̅ͫ̔ͨͧͨͬ́͏K̲͇̣̦͔͓̲̣̜̩͈̘̭̋ͯ̆̉̍̍ͨͧ̀ͫͦ̔ͧ̍ BRINGTHEMBACKBRINGTHE-B̪͓̺̪̬͍͍̲͇̝̄͆̆͌͆́͒̍́ͥR̪̝͉̹̥͖͉̻͔̾̽̊ͪ͐̀͋̃̊̓ͥ͐̄͐̄̅́ͮ̌̓̈́̉̚ͅÏ͉̼ͧ̈̎̐̾ͣ͗̑̔̔̔͐̋͌̚Ṉ̼͖̱ͣͪ͒͊̌̍̾G̖̿̓ͬ̓̓̈́͒ͨͯͩ̓ͪ̈́T̹̙̲̤͙̬̮̭͍͈̺͙͓̹͓͍͇͔̬̮͈̣̜͖ͬ̾ͧͩͤḢ̳̲̹̖̯̞̥̞ͦͭ̋Ē̠̤̻̩͍̝͙͉̫͙͔̰̜͔ͩ̅ͯ̒ͨͥ̀ͧ͗͌ͪ̓ͨ͂ͮ̊̌̐ͬͦ̆͆͐M̘̮̘̞̰̻̙͎̲̏̐ͥ͒͛͒ͧͭ̌ͭͥͧ̓ͥ͗̋̋͆̈ͨ̿͂́͒ͅͅḄ͇̺̮̪̝̬̳̜̙̘͒̐̂̃ͩ̂̓͒ͫͦA̙̞̳̰͔̖̣̮ͦ̑̅͋̎ͭ̍ͫ̚C̄ͪͫͤ̌̍̏̉K̺͍̜̝̻͙̙̤̥̻̳̦͓̠̦͉̥͔͓̹ͩͣ̽̈͊B̰͈̩̳̣͙̺̼͖̣͓͖̳̱̣̞̈́̋̒͒ͪ̅ͨ͊̊̔̽̑ͣͮ̔͒̍̆̓̓̃ͅR̦̥̳̫̲̼̖̖ͪ̃͑͒̆ͮ̃̒ͦ̄̔̀̆͒I͓̞̩̫̼͔̟̲̩̦͈̮̱̦̩͔̗͕͎̪͙̟ͭ̌͋Ṋ̠̲͚̺̼̝̮̘͈͙͙͕̰̐͆ͭͤ̑̉̐̏ͥ͋ͮG̜̺͔̭̮̰̘͕̰̫͍̗̱̞͙͓͚͕̳̯̱͌͐̊̈ͭ̈̆̓̍̍ͫ͛̂̋̌͆̌̄͗ͫ̄́̚ͅT̙͕̎ͭͣ͆̒ͯ͐́̂̌̄̐͂ͤ̎̄ͯ̔̀H̖͑͑͊́E͙̞̟͖̺̱̮͉͎͓̭̱̗͕̪͂̇͒̾̊M͙̣̝̻̹͇̰̪̙̯͙͙̍̅̓ͬͮ̿̃̇͋̂̌B̖̩̠̤̝̱̞͇̻̯͓̳̝̖̈̓̇ͤ̇̾̓̓̓̎͛ͤ̏̂̃͌A̜̥̲̲̝̱͍̰̬̘̯̜̲̪̖̰͚ͮ̏͋ͬ̊̽̈́̒͌̉͛̆ͣ́̅̈ͫͧ͂̓͛̚C̦̽K͍̝̥̟̥͉̣͓̘̻̜͔͎͍͍͚̯̫̱͕͎̹̠̼̊͑̿̓͗͛̇̑̓͒͊ͯͬͫ͊̆ͫ̇̐̊ͅ

̠̳̳̞̥̐̋ͪ͒ͧ̈́̊͒̄ͭͩ̌ͥͥͬ̆ͣ͗ͦ̍ͬͩ͂̚ͅ ͚̪̝͚̫͕̱̙͕͔͙̱͓ͦ́̅̉̎̐ͬ̈ͤ͐̈̋̐̈ͨͧ̓͐̏̚ ̭͕͕̫̼̳͕̞͚̜͌͐̔̈̆ͨͤͅ ̮̲̤̘̝͉̼̥̱̝̗͙̦̭͉̩̻̟̩̫̋̒ ͉̟͚͇̼̬̥̦͖͍̔̑͆̒ͥ͊͋ͬ́̋̊̊ͅB̩̪̱̞͕̪̭̤̟̖̗̘̳̼̟̱͎̣̥̥͉̥̝͙̳̳́̈́̀͌̆̃͂̂̉̂̈̀̃̔͆͌̄R͓̯̠͖̟͖̭͍̝̥̪̰͈͚̹̟͚̠͚̼̰̓̆̋̓Ĩ̬̝̳̭̥̟̞̗̰̪̰͚̳͍̘͍̳͕ͤN͍͓̘͎̰̦̺͙͓̮̙͉ͪ͆̅͛͐͑ͮͨ͒ͤͮ͊̈G̞̩̘̗̣͖̝̅̆͐͂ͭ͆̄̓̒ͣͦ̋ͧͥ̾͑T̩̞̯̰̣̩̩̫̣̘̻͕̘̼͍͍̺̬̗͍̜͔͒ͬ̐̿̏̓̌̿͗́̓̀̇̌ͭH̐̇͐Ḕ͉̹͍̪͓͈͖̲̙͕͙̘̯͙̮̪͙͎̳̭͇̄̒̑̽̾̈́̄ͬ̓̐̄̐̆̎̅ͣ̂̆ͨM̱̻̦̭͉͔̝̳̝͐̒ͤ͊̓͆͆̓͐͊ͫ͛̚ͅͅͅB͕̫͍̪̣ͧ̑͆͑̇ͭͭ̿ͭ͛ͬ͆ͩͪͪͥ̚̚Ǎ̠̰̞̝͓̳ͤͨ̌͋͗ͬ̎͗̃ͧČ̹̩͙̺͕̤̮̫̞͖͔̜̙͖͚͓͍̼͎̥̞͉͕̠̜̃̃̽̃͒̌́͋̓͐ͧͩ͌̍͌̿͋ͣ̆͂ͅK̫̗͙͓̖̘͇̟̙̪͇̣͉͔̼͚̼̥͕̫̘͎̠̗͔ͨ̆͗ͬͤͩ̏̾B̻ͧ̓̑ͭͥͣͬͧ̋̀̒ͣͪͦR̝̖͎͖̦̪̝̣̘̩̣̯̤̖̦̥͎ͬͪ̋̍̔̑̇͑ͬͨ̚I͔̣̻͚͈̖̜͈̮̣̞͛̽ͨ̆̌̑̾̉̌͌̎̀̚N͖̤̪̮̺̦̪̣̱͕̣͕̯̩̞̗̰͗̊̊ͪ̔́̾͋ͫͨͧͤͦ̈G̮̪̝̜̝͆̔̓͂ͪ̃̈̃̌ͯ̄T̘͔͍͚̗̯̦̪̗̿̏ͮH̗͈̻͈̓ͬ̐ͥ̽ͤ̂̚E̺̠̤̫̞͓̳͎̤͇͚̠͔ͬ̃ͬͭ̈́͒̐́̾̏̑͛͗͛ͫ̂̈́̅͊͋ͩ̆̍M̮̻̦̦̭͕̜̣̭̻̱̬̃̇̈ͮ̓ͨ̏̒ͧ̓͐ͦ̇ͭ̈́̈́̾ͧ̚ͅB̯͕̫͎͇̱͔̝̭̬̤̝̣̝̼͕̞̯̪̭̳ͤ̅ͣ͗́̒͗͗̄A̤͙̘͎̞̜̓ͤͭ̓͛̏̆̋̓͐C̠̅ͦͫ̊͂͊͛ͧ̃̚K̻͖͉̟̦̮͍͓̥̹̙̦̫̘͙̼͕̱̩̭̘̝̼̒ͪ̿ͩ̒͆ͦ̔ͪ͋ͫ̍̂ͤ͊́͗͛̓ͯ̋ͅ

̻̪̫̰̝͔͍͈̼̳͎͈͕̱̻̼͖̤͓̼̲̞̖͙̫ͥ̒̉̆ͭ̌̑͂̈̍ͤ͋́̎ͩ̓̒͗̊͌ͣͤ̚ ̲̗͉̣͕̯̝̻̂̔̀͗ͪͭ̄͋̄͊͗ ͈̫̟̰̩͍̳̜̟̯͉͕̮̝͈͍͍̺̱͓̹͎̭͔̫̐̈́̈ͣͮ͗̓ͦ͊ͅ ̗̦͕͎̲̱̦̳̜̗͚̦͚̺̖̞̺͚̼̳̟̺͓̯ͦ̾̏B͍͖̤̝̱̲̘͍̬̯̙̯̜̳̏ͭ̏͛̋̉͂͐̉ͣ̒ͦ̎͊ͭͧ̆̅̚ͅR̐͐ͧ̊̍͑͂̒ͨ̍ͤ͋̈́̋͌́̉̿̽̾͗ͪ́̚I̜͒̚Ṉ͍̳̝̝̯̬̣̰͇͔̯̹̯̼̹̯̤̰͍̬̻̱̆̑̅̇̿ͩͥ̿́ͯͬ̊͋ͅG̫͖̰͚͔͈̩̲̰̘̘̼͖̲̞ͭ̈́̅ͫͦ̽ͬ̍͒ͬ̊͂̐̑̈́͋̔ͭT̻̥̬͈͚͖͕̞͇̔͐́̌ͦͧĤ̳̗̥̼̗͖̙̲͔̯͉̖̫͈̝̤̬̹̪̋̾̐̾̓ͧ̑ͧ̌̋́̄̀̊̓̈́̐̃̏̐̊ͬͅĚ͇͔̼̖̯̹̤̞͈̳͖̲ͬ͋̍̈́̓̿ͪͤͥ̓̌̃͒̄͗ͅM̺̪̳͓̳͎̤̪̥̭̭͈̜͙͑͌̓B͙͕̻͎̩ͪͥ̎ͥ̓͛ͮ̂ͫ̀͌̽̓̾̽ͮ͗̄̄Ȃ̞̝̼͎̤͙̙̰̜̫͙̪̖͍̦̬̳̘̒Č͔͉͙̭̻̤̞̰̠͉̘̝̰͚̇̎̿̇͛K̥̦̺̗̺͊͌́̃͑̽̑͛̎ͫ̆B̪̱̲̟͚͔̘̳̖͖̱̭̟̫̻͎̘̱̳̽̓̍̑ͨ̋̔̀͑̓̚ͅR͙̮̈ͤ̄͒̑ͯͬͭ̒͂ͥ̎͛Î̱͈̘̝̤̱͇͍̱̙̗̣̪̞̠̹̣̹̩͙̯̼̙ͫ̍̽͆ͅN̞͉͖̤͇̰̝̳̗̻̞͔̳͖͔̔̑̓̐͐̇ͮ̽ͫ̔́ͬͪͥ̉ͩͭ̆̚G͈̹̖̞̭͖̭̳̹̝̱̟͆͑ͅT̫̮̣̮̥̭̬̩̲̣̥̰͎̜̳̼̙͕̪̺̘͖̃͌̐͆́̍ͬH̤̤̫̍͒͌̎Eͣ̃͛̀͛͐ͭ̄̈́̒̄ͨͮ̇̍͂͌͆ͫͬͧ-̥̹̠̣̹̿ͫͬͨ̄̿ͭ͒ͭ

    [Home SLAMS the front door thunderously.]

    [Then he begin creaking, flapping curtain, open the side windows in quick succession.]

    [Wally, having already fallen to his knees, stares up with tear-filled eyes.]

    Wally: If ... If I do all that. Just like you say... I can call Y/n?! I can ... Convince them to come home?

    [Home responds with affirmation.]

    Wally: I love you, Home. I love all my friends. I love, Y/n. The Most. And I know you all love me too.

    [Wally stands back up. He stares at the front door, and begins to walk inside.]

    Wally: Let's go to bed. We'll have fresh, new minds in the morning. We can finish our play another time... I'll dream about it. And that silly poem Y/n left for us.

    [Wally stands in the doorway. Then he turns and faces the audience.]

    Wally: Good night, all my beloved Neighbors.

    [The End]

    {For now ...}