Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Well, after talking with your friend, I've decided that he isn't the one who revealed the truth about those refugees being taken." Kaiji stated after hearing everything that had occurred with Hisashi and Sanzou." I don't believe you're responsible either, there might have been a leak from the government itself that was the cause. I apologize for the interrogation, Haruno-san."

Sanzou glanced at the disguised criminal, who just smiled politely at Kaiji.

"It's not a problem, it was wonderful to meet Sanzou's family," Hisashi said and Yoichi beamed at the words, clearly happy with Sanzou thinking of him as family.

"Well, feel free to come over anytime you want!" Yoichi chirped happily." And if you need a place to go if the government finds you out, we'll be happy to take you in!"

He winced, knowing that Yoichi didn't even know he was offering a place to his own brother, to All For One.

If he was ever found out to be lying this entire time.

He shook his head, not wanting to imagine the nightmare that would turn out to be, how his friends would look at him with horror, betrayal, and anger. It would be the worst feeling in the world and he'd have been responsible for it, he'd have made those looks appear.

"Are you alright, my dear?" Hisashi's voice broke Sanzou from his internal conflict and he shot the man a glare.

"Stop calling me dear!" Sanzou snapped, throwing his hands up." Are you deaf?!"

Hisashi just huffed, rolling his eyes slightly.

"Stop being so dramatic, it's a fond title, and it doesn't have to mean anything romantic if you don't want it to," Hisashi said and Sanzou reluctantly felt a spike of guilt, was he being a little too determined to deny the title?

It wasn't like he didn't like being called that, but that was exactly the problem in the first place.

He liked being called that too much, it left him feeling warm and he couldn't let himself feel those things toward the man who had killed so many people. It was wrong, wasn't it?

"Whatever," Sanzou muttered as he stood up." I'm going to my room, Hisashi can find his way home on his own. Thanks for clearing me and Hisashi from suspicion, but next time please tell me if you are suspicious of me. I don't like how you kept that a secret, I know you trust me more than that."

With that said, Sanzou stood up and walked out of the living room and down the hall to his bedroom.

As soon as he was in the room he closed the door, locked it, and slid down to the floor as he rested his face into his hands. His heart was racing as he tried to process his emotions, he knew these feelings, knew them cause he'd been feeling them since he met Hisashi. It didn't take a genius to know he liked the man, but he also knew he shouldn't. 

He'd denied it for months, but now there was no denying it any longer, however, it didn't matter if he accepted those feelings or not. He couldn't do anything about them, if he followed his heart, he'd lose the people he cared about in the process.

Sanzou wasn't ready to let his best friends go.

But it was getting harder, there were so many things about Hisashi that had nothing to do with his illegal activities. Things that made his heart jump in excitement or had him wondering if perhaps the man could have gone down a different path if he'd had support when he needed it the most.

For example, the way the man teased him fondly, calling him 'my dear' in a way that had him nearly swooning. The way his red eyes would meet Sanzou's own black ones with an intensity that sent shivers down his spine, and he couldn't forget about the way the man had destroyed an entire government correction camp just because he told him that it had some of his people inside.

Hisashi hadn't needed to destroy that camp, it would have been much more advantageous to leave Sanzou's people inside where they were out of the way.

Yet the man had saved them, what had been in it for Hisashi?

The criminal wasn't getting money out of it, nor was he getting loyalty, and he most certainly wasn't going to win him over with just one nice act. So what did Hisashi get out of helping the organization rescue its members, none of this made sense!

Cause there was one thing that was certain.

Regardless of Sanzou's feelings on the matter or how much he wished it to be otherwise, Shigaraki Hisashi would never do anything for free.

So the question repeated in his head for the hundredth time since he found out about the destroyed correction facility, what did Hisashi get out of this?

Sanzou gripped his hair and let out a frustrated shout, his teeth gritting as tried to make sense of everything that was going on. It was supposed to be so simple, just a matter of All For One being evil and Yoichi and Kaiji being good.

He shouldn't be so torn up about this, shouldn't be questioning everything he knew just because some pretty boy criminal batted his eyes at him.

Letting his head fall back against the closed door, he realized just how fucked he was.

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It was another four months before he even dared talk with Hisashi again, the entire time he had thrown himself into mission after mission. He even took a couple of suicide missions to keep his mind off the damn criminal, but nothing worked for long.

His mind would always return to that snowy hair and those bright red eyes.

Even Kaiji and Yoichi had noticed how distant he'd gotten, and while feeling guilty he'd accidentally pushed his friends away, he still didn't stop. It was either he kept going or he'd start thinking about Hisashi for too long, and he didn't want to face that. He couldn't face that, because facing that meant facing the fact his heart was being pulled in two directions.

"Sanzou, we need to talk," Kaiji ordered and he paused from where he was doing paperwork.

"What about, if it's the new laws that are being passed, I know about them," Sanzou mumbled absently, bookmarking his place in the file.

"No, it's about your reckless behavior as of late," Kaiji snapped, slamming his hands onto the desk and catching Sanzou off guard." I don't know what's going one with you these past months, but whatever it needs to get sorted out."

Sanzou stood up glaring at his friend.

"It's not that simple, Kaiji!" Sanzou shouted back, his blood roaring in his ears.

"Then make it simple." Kaiji ordered, crossing his arms with a stern expression." Until you fix whatever is making you reckless, you're being removed from in second in command, am I understood?"

His blood ran cold.

"Kaiji, you can't do thi-" Sanzou tried to protest but his friend just raised a single hand, silencing him.

"I said, do you understand?" Kaiji growled out, his tone low to convey seriousness and Sanzou gritted his teeth but bowed his head.

"Yes, sir," Sanzou replied, walking from around the desk and out of the room, not even waiting to be dismissed.

It wasn't like he was Kaiji's second in command anymore.

He was halfway down the hallway when Yoichi found him, the poor man looking out of breath like he'd been running. Sanzou paused and let Yoichi catch his breath, his friend looking rather nervous.

"I'm guessing I was too late to warn you," Yoichi commented once he caught his breath and Sanzou snorted, that was an understatement.

"I'm no longer second in command," Sanzou stated and Yoichi winced, it was clear that his friend didn't agree with Kaiji's choice but there was little he could do about it.

"So, what are you going to do?" Yoichi asked carefully.

Sanzou turned to stare down the hallway, bitterness rising inside him.

"I'm going to go out for a drink." Sanzou decided after a moment." Tell Kaiji I'll be out and that he can't say anything about it 'cause I technically don't work for him at the moment."

With that he walked past Yoichi and continued on to the exit of the base, hoping his anger would cool down by the time he came back. The last thing he needed to was to let his frustrations out on everyone, they didn't exactly deserve that.

For the first time in a while, he reached into his pocket, took his phone out, and looked at the number in his contact list that had caused all of these unwanted emotions.

Did he dare call him, he wanted to, oh god did he want to.

Biting his lip he tried to decide what his next course of action should be, but he wasn't in the organization's mission group anymore, not until Kaiji was satisfied. Was he allowed to fraternize if he wasn't going to be revealing any sensitive information, he can't be blamed if he hangs out with them, right?

His thumb found the call button and he pressed it.

"Sanzou!" Hisashi's voice exclaimed from the phone." I thought you'd never call again, what's up?"

"Got removed as second in command, 'cause I've been taking too many reckless missions as of late," Sanzou mumbled, the line going silent for a second.

"I agree with your leader, you should take better care of yourself." Hisashi said, his tone soft and after not hearing the man for over four months it made his heart skip a beat." I don't have anything to do at the moment, do you want to meet me anywhere?"

Sanzou bit his lip, his emotions once more warring with each other.

"There's a bar not far from the park, I wouldn't mind a drink," Sanzou admitted, earning a chuckle from the criminal on the other side of the phone.

"Meet you there in ten, sound good?" Hisashi purred through the phone.

With quick confirmation, Sanzou hung up, swallowing thickly as he glanced around to make sure no one was nearby to have heard the conversation or someone who would follow him.

Once he made sure the coast was clear, he began the short walk to the nearby bar.

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"Ugh," Sanzou groaned as he sat up with a blinding migraine thrumming in his skull, only to pause with confusion.

This wasn't his room in the base or safe house, where the hell was he?

He looked around and realized he seemed to be in a hotel room, a rather expensive hotel room at that. The decor was fancy and it was much more than he could ever dream of affording, more than anyone he knew could afford.

That's when a movement to his side caught his attention and he turned his head, freezing stiff as he took in the form of Hisashi.

Ok, this was not happening.

He had not just made the worst mistake he could have ever dreamed of making, he was going to be killed for this if Kaiji found out.

Sanzou's friendship with Kaiji only went so far, he had no doubt that sleeping with All For One was considered crossing the line. He needed to get out of here, and he needed to do it now before the man woke up.

Slipping out of the bed quietly, he looked around for his clothes, throwing them on the moment he spotted them.

However, despite his stealth, he couldn't get to the door without Hisashi noticing.

"And where are you going?" Hisashi's voice chimed from the bed, the sound of which made Sanzou freeze.

"I should get going before people wonder where I am," Sanzou replied, not turning around.

The sound of shifting was heard.

"You're running away from this, aren't you?" Hisashi commented and Sanzou finally took a risk, turning completely to see Hisashi.

"This was a mistake, no matter what I feel on the matter, you are my enemy and that's not going to change just cause we slept together." Sanzou ground out, raising his gaze to meet Hisashi's red eyes." You understand that, don't you?"

Hisashi tilted his head thoughtfully.

"Is this you projecting your morals, or is this actually part of your organization's little rules?" Hisashi asked and that threw Sanzou off balance slightly.

Against his better judgment, Sanzou recalled the organization's rules regarding things such as dating people. To his horror, he realized Hisashi was right, there weren't any rules for this kind of scenario, but that didn't mean he wanted to become the reason why that kind of rule was needed in the first place.

"It doesn't matter, I should have never let it get this far and I apologize that I made you feel like it could be something more." Sanzou said briskly, turning to leave once more." Now, I really got to go."

"So last night meant nothing to you?" Hisashi asked, the words stopping Sanzou cold once more." Look at me in the eye, and tell me it meant nothing to you, and I'll it be. I will never bring it up again, I swear."

Sanzou felt his blood run cold because what the man was asking was impossible for him.

Without another word, Sanzou opened the door and left the room, knowing the conversation with Hisashi wasn't over and that the criminal would be back for his answer some other time.

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The next month passed without a single word from Hisashi and Sanzou wondered if he'd crossed some invisible line or if the criminal was giving him space. Either way, he didn't know if he liked it, but at least now his mental space had improved enough that Kaiji had let him back on missions despite the fact he wasn't allowed to be second in command again just yet.

He'd even gone to the park, where he'd met Hisashi for the first time, several times over the past few weeks, but to no avail.

Hisashi didn't want to be found, he even let all Sanzou's calls go to voice mail.

It was disheartening but after leaving the man like he did, when the criminal had let himself become vulnerable in front of him. Even he knew he had fucked up, he had just been so angry with himself after waking up in that hotel.

"You seem deep in thought, you alright?" Yoichi commented as he sat next to him in the living room of the safe house.

"I...have you ever loved someone you know you shouldn't, but nothing you do changes your feelings?" Sanzou asked, hoping to get at least an ounce of decent advice.

"Platonically, yes I love my brother very much and I know it frustrates Kaiji more often than not, even going as far as straining our relationship at times," Yoichi admitted and it was so ironic that Sanzou couldn't prevent the chuckle that escaped him.

The white-haired man had no idea that he was talking about the same person Sanzou was.

"Well, I wish I could say in my case it was platonic, would make things easier," Sanzou mumbled, earning a sympathetic look from his friend.

"Ah, is it your friend Haruno Hisashi was it?" Yoichi questioned and Sanzou chuckled.

Leave it to his friend to remember a meeting that happened over five months ago, but he gave a nod, Yoichi seeming to understand his plight.

"I see." Yoichi said slowly as he leaned back on the chair he was in." You know, something never sat right with me involving your friend, the first time you mentioned him you said he could nullify abilities, but when we had the meeting you went with the story of him having a teleportation ability."

Sanzou froze, shit he had forgotten about that, he had fucked up and hadn't even realized.

"I-I don't..." Sanzou couldn't even get anything out, his mouth had gone dry and panic was slowly rising inside him.

"I don't think you were lying though, not about the Abilities, so either your friend has two, or our problems are more linked than they should be," Yoichi said softly, those words were everything Sanzou needed to be certain of his fears.

Yoichi knew about Hisashi's identity.

"I'm sorry," Sanzou whispered, letting his face fall into his hands." I didn't plan it, I promise I never intended for any of this to happen. You have to understand that, I swear I'm not betraying you or working with him or- or..."

He could even finish his sentence, his throat constricting painfully.

Why was breathing hurting, why was it so difficult to catch his breath suddenly?

Sanzou clutched his chest where his lungs were, his breathing becoming more erratic as panic shifted from whatever he was talking about to whatever was going on right now.

"I...I can't..." Sanzou choked out, he barely felt Yoichi placing a hand on his shoulder as his vision blurred.

Yoichi's mouth was moving but he couldn't hear a word, all he could hear was static as he tried to breathe to no avail.

The last thing he saw before he fell sideways was concerned green eyes.

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When he woke up, he was in the hospital bay.

The familiar white ceiling and walls greeted him, whispering was heard but it was muffled enough to suggest that it was being spoken just outside the room.

Grunting he sat up, noting that he didn't have anything attached to him, what had happened in the living room? Why had he been unable to breathe, had he eaten something he shouldn't have, or was he poisoned?

"Kamado Sanzou, we need to talk about something," Kaiji's voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked up to see the angry expression of his friend.

Had Yoichi told him, he wouldn't have, right?

"Kaiji I-" Sanzou tried to speak but was cut off by the redhead.

"I don't want excuses, I trusted you and you leaked important information, and then lied about having done so in the first place," Kaiji snapped, his arms crossed over his chest." I don't know why you thought it was okay to not only tell someone about the correction camp over five months ago but also bring our enemy into the safe house. But whatever the reason, it ends now."

Sanzou stared numbly at his friend, or was it a former friend now?

"After speaking with Yoichi and hearing him out, I've made the decision that for now until I can see where your loyalties truly lie, you'll be essentially on house arrest." Kaiji continued, his eyes narrowing as if daring Sanzou to argue." You are not to anywhere without either me, Yoichi, or a guard we appoint knowing exactly where you are and who you're with. Am I understood?"

"Y-Yes, sir," Sanzou responded, bowing his head in respect knowing he had fucked up and was paying the consequences of it.

"Good, you'll be escorted to your room in five minutes," Kaiji stated, the man turning to leave.

Sanzou watched his friend disappear, wondering why everything seemed to always go wrong for him no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he fought.

That first night in the park, he'd been the second in command, a trusted friend, and a loyal member of the organization. Now, he was the disgraced former second in command, a potentially former friend, and barely even a member of the organization he'd sworn to protect and fight for.

All because he couldn't control his heart and he had kept meeting up with that criminal.

He would better off just letting go, it was very unlikely anyone in the organization would ever completely trust him again. At this point he'd get more work done if he left, he'd save more people and his skills wouldn't be wasted.

Could he let go though, would he even be able to say goodbye to what had essentially been his home for over eight years since he was a kid?

Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself.

He slid out of bed, standing and giving the medical bay one last look as he smiled grimly, and then he walked to the door to the room.

Ready to take the first step towards his uncertain future.

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Two months after deciding to leave the organization, he found himself moving from motel to motel, unable to afford to stay more than one night. Currently, he had very little money and was forced to squat in an alleyway. It wasn't the best place, but it was the only place he had for the time being.

He wondered how Kaiji and Yoichi reacted when they found out he left, probably with relief, as far as they were concerned he was a traitor. They were probably relieved to get rid of him, now he couldn't accidentally leak information to their enemy anymore.

Sanzou chuckled as let his head rest on the brick wall behind him.

God, he was hungry, but it wasn't like he could just eat, he couldn't afford that and if he wanted to save up for another motel room in the future he had to ration what money he did have.

Swallowing he glanced down at his phone, it was on twenty percent battery, if he pressed that call button his fate as the enemy of Kaiji and Yoichi would be sealed and there would be nothing he could do.

His thumb hovered, but he knew this was it, he had no other choice if he wanted to live.

It was almost winter and if he didn't press this button, it would soon be much too cold to survive out on the streets.

With a sigh, he pressed call and listened as the ringing was heard, but as it went to voicemail he finally for the first time since he'd abandoned Hisashi at that hotel room he left a message.

"H-Hey, Hisashi." Sanzou greeted the man his voice filled with sadness." I'm sorry I just left, but c-could I ask one more favor of you...can I have a place to stay, I-I've been living on the streets for the past couple of months but I don't think I'll survive the winter if I continue on like this. My phone's battery is almost dead, so hopefully you'll be able to find me regardless...I understand if you just leave me to my fate. It's probably what I deserve after everything, bye."

There was a click and the message was sent, leaving Sanzou alone once more.

He just hoped that Hisashi had enough heart in him not to leave him hanging, if he had any feelings for Sanzou, this would be the moment it would truly show.

It was an hour before there was any sign of Hisashi, but a loud popping sound was heard just outside the alleyway and Sanzou jerked awake after having fallen asleep against the brick wall much to his neck's annoyance.

"Sanzou, are you here, my dear?" Hisashi's voice called out and Sanzou felt a flood of relief.

"Over here, Sashi." Sanzou responded, wincing as he stood up, feeling particularly stiff." I didn't think you'd come."

Hisashi jogged over to him, removing his coat and placing it on Sanzou as he helped him walk out of the alleyway.

"Of course, I'd come, my dear," Hisashi stated simply and Sanzou huffed, but he let the man guide him to a car not far away, he must have called for someone to come here before he teleported.

Once they reached the car, Hisashi let him get in first before entering as well, the driver was directed to go to a certain address, and absently Sanzou wondered if it was where Hisashi himself lived or if it was a decoy house.

"I'm sorry if this inconvenienced you," Sanzou whispered as he avoided meeting Hisashi's gaze directly.

"No, no, I wasn't sleeping or anything important, I was just doing a bit of paperwork," Hisashi assured with a chuckle." Nothing I mind getting away from for a few hours, you're more important than that, you know."

Sanzou's cheeks heated at the words and while he didn't reply, he did lean against Hisashi a bit more, soaking in the warmth the other man provided.

"Still, thanks for helping me," Sanzou murmured and Hisashi stiffened for a moment before relaxing and just wrapping an arm around him.

"Anytime, my dear." Hisashi mumbled in response, his usual talkative attitude having gone quiet." Anytime at all."