Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

tonystarkofficial added ptparker and dragonguyargo

tonystarkofficial: 👍

ptparker: MR STARK

dragonguyargo: hi hello hi whats up

ptparker: I’m so sorry
ptparker: I didn’t know he’d do this

tonystarkofficial: Should’ve.

dragonguyargo: its ok
dragonguyargo: but what is this?

tonystarkofficial: Peter was showing me your page and talked about how ‘cool it would be to talk to you’.

ptparker: MR STARKKJDFHGS

dragonguyargo: oh
dragonguyargo: hi peter :)

ptparker: hi argo!

dragonguyargo: how ru?

ptparker: a little embarrassed. but good. hru :D

dragonguyargo: great, feeling fasntastic.
dragonguyargo: so what would be so cool to talk abt
dragonguyargo: I mean I can probably guess

ptparker: yeah… curious abt ur dragon

dragonguyargo: typical, ppl care abt the dragon and never the engineer #brockenhearted

ptparker: IM SORRY

dragonguyargo: jokes jokes dw
dragonguyargo: his name is festus
dragonguyargo: I would describe in detail how he works
dragonguyargo: but im packing to go to ny
dragonguyargo: so Ill tell u later

ptparker: ur coming to ny?

dragonguyargo: reunion thing. u there too?

ptparker: yeah, from queens :D

dragonguyargo: no way I’m literally going to long island

ptparker: fr? whats the reunion for?

dragonguyargo: haven’t seen each other face to face for 3 months

tonystarkofficial: Barely long enough to need reunion

dragonguyargo: for you maybe
dragonguyargo: but I went missing for 6months and they all thought I died so now I need to be in constant contact lmaooooo

ptparker: ?????

draongguyargo: got stranded in the Caribbean as we all do at some point🔥🔥🔥

tonystarkofficial: Normal people do not do that

dragonguyargo: normal people don’t use capitals in texts either
dragonguyargo: don’t stone glass houses or whatever the saying is
dragonguyargo: don’t know I dropped out of school and I hated english

ptparker: how’d you learn how to make a dragon robot :O

tonystarkofficial: Concerning.

dragonguyargo: learnt a lot of mechanics from my mom at first. self taught a lot of things

ptparker: seriously??

tonystarkofficial: Why didn’t you finish school? You seem smart enough.

dragonguyargo: the only reason im legible rn is bc autocorrect is on
dragonguyargo: and me n my friends modified it so it could translate what I say
dragonguyargo: dyslexia moment :3
dragonguyargo: also I hated school and I hated everyone I met there
dragonguyargo: with only like 2 exceptions

ptparker: so fair just like me

dragonguyargo: and then we all ran away from school together basically <3

tonystarkofficial: You’re staying in school

ptparker: so unfair

dragonguyargo: yeah it is unfair
dragonguyargo: dropout I promise is better
dragonguyargo: ignore that I am getting enrolled in  school but its against my will so it doesn’t count

tonystarkofficial: Stop being a bad influence.

dragonguyargo: no <3

ptparker: guess I have to drop out now

tonystarkofficial: Peter wtf

dragonguyargo changed tonystarkofficial’s name to L official

ptparker: JKDHSGFSG

L official: Wtf

dragonguyargo: was feeling silly. maybe a little bit goofy

ptparker: how do you have the confidence

drongguyargo: I have pissed off much scarier people who would’ve loved me dead 🥰

L official: What? Are you ok?

dragongguyargo: yeah dude its chill idc
dragonguyargo: live and let live
dragonguyargo: started the year alone and homeless and now I have family and also mums and a lil sis cant complain

L official: Wtf??

dragonguyargo: ikr

ptparker: …. are you ok?

dragonguyargo: yes dw <3
dragonguyargo: so sorry did not mean to traumadump there I’m too used to talking to ppl who already know all this stuff

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: guys I accidentally trauma dumped on tony stark

lego builder: leo what.

repair boy: well he

ew: go on, leo.

repair boy: shut up pipes
repair boy: he might’ve made a chat w me and his ??? son ig ??? I don’t know and im too scared to ask
repair boy: his name is peter

lego builder: go on leo

repair boy: and things came up and I might’ve accidently brought up how you thought I died for 6 months

ew: LEO??

repair boy: and when he asked if I was ok I said
repair boy: “started the year alone and homeless and now I have a family and mums and a lil sister”

sea boy: 💀💀💀

ew: LEO

repair boy: piper.

sea boy: you’re not going hard enough
sea boy: tell them two of your best friends were wanted terrorist at 12

repair boy: ….

lego builder: leo don’t you dare

sea boy: but It would be so funny

lego builder: >:(

repair boy: I mean like
repair boy: if it comes up….

sea boy: WOOOOOO

ew: you are both horrible

beast boy: sometimes I wonder why I bother looking in here

repair boy: aww you love me

horse girl: who is tony stark?

sea boy: iron man

beast boy: yeah one of those mortal superheros

ew: he’s like super rich

lego builder: his tower is pretty cool but also you should have made a non leo gc to ask that question

horse girl: why

-Chat: tonystarkofficial, ptparker, dragonguyargo-

dragonguyargo changed the group name to traumadumped
dragonguyargo changed his name to argo

argo: context my friends are super out of touch w like everything bc they go camping and running away every couple weeks or something, but one of them is even more out of touch and now I have to explain to avengers to her o7 you will not see me for another 5 minutes at least

L official: How does she not know?

-Chat: world enders-

horse girl: why is he still typing

lego builder: this is the third time I’ve been subjected to one of his iron man rants

repair boy: ok so tony stark is the real name of iron man and he’s this super hero who has this sick ass metal suit that can like fly and shoot basically lasers (theyre not lasers its like repulsors and this weird kind of plasma blast thing but that’s more complicated to explain. It also does have lasers its just not the main thing). he !!!! invented !!!!! a whole !!!!! new !!!!! element !!!!! which is fukcing insane!!!! and like yeah eat the rich hate billionaires, but also the arc reactor is THE clean energy source and if it could not also be used for like bombs n shit I think it would b the best energy source ever. he also gave up weapon manufacturing after seeing his weapons being used for bad shit an d became iron man for peace. I was homeless so its difficlt for me to feel lots of admiration to billionaires but he is the one exception. Bc he !!!!!! invents cool ass shit !!!!!!!!!!!!! he is one of the better billionaires at least cause he does a lot of humanitarian and  charity things now. I’d rather ONE good billionaire than no good billionaires ykyk. ALSO!!!! TO BE FAIR !!!!! all his technology and stuff is accessible and he makes his prosthetics FREE and apparently the company is a great place to work and i’d love to be there one day

sea boy: not reading all that
sea boy: good for you or sorry that happened

horse girl: the only super hero I know as captain America

repair boy: captain America is still alive and him and iron man have saved the world together :333

horse girl: oh ! that’s cool

-Chat: traumadumped-

argo: back :3
argo: and she just doesn’t care that much to keep up w current events, such as aliens invading the world yk
argo: she DOES know captain America tho which  I find very funny and very fitting

L official: My poor ego

argo: boo hoo
argo: don’t ask what my friend’s favourite avengers are, you’ll be even more disappointed

L official: Well now I’m curious

argo: well out of all of them only one had a strong opinion of you. which is positive and tbh it’s a high praise from her so
argo: she also says your tower is cool and she’s been studying architecture since like 7 so
argo: not her favourite tho, that’s bruce banner and I think its specifically bc you’re closer to spiderman and she’s an arachnophobe who cannot deal w anything spider related

ptparker: :(

argo: I heard once the stoll brothers tried to prank her w a tarantula and she nearly gutted them out of pure fear
argo: personally I’m too scared of her to ever try getting on her bad side
argo: ALSODF REALLY FUNNY
argo: her bfs favorite superhero is spiderman and I think it’s the only point of contention in their relationship
argo: her bf is a native new York guy tho so

ptparker: whats the supposed to mean</3

L official: Argo is slandering the entirety of New York

argo: I was born in Texas but I’ve been shipped around to a quarter of the states I’m allowed to make fun of new York
argo: fun fact once I changed all the ads and stuff in times square to things abt me :3
argo: new York isn’t the worst state ill give it that
argo: but I was enrolled in  school here which means I have to be away from tbe family I literally just got
argo: mrs Jackson is a sweetheart tho which makes it better
argo: she also makes the best cookies
argo: but its still a school

ptparker: what school :OO

argo: midtown

ptparker: no way

argo: yes way I’m their latest charity case

ptparker: dude I go there too

argo: yoo??????
argo: that’s sick

L official: You said so much at such a rapid pace I had to pause.

argo: dude that’s barely th e beginning of my fucked up life
argo: two of my friends were wanted terrorists at 12
argo: they were innocent but there was a nationwide manhunt for them

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: [attached screenshot]

sea boy: LETS GOOOO

lego builder: I am in disbelief.

ew: you’re so stupid valdez

sea boy: don’t listen to them leo you’re doing great this is how you make friends

repair boy: I hope so tony’s son is going to midtown w me

beast boy: I’m sighing so much right now

lego builder: at least you mentioned we’re innocent

repair boy: yeah well that’s the official story so

-Chat: traumadumped-

ptparker: WAIT
ptparker: IS YOUR FRIEND PERCY JACKSON ??????

argo: DUDE???? HOW TF DID YOU KNOW ?????

-Chat: world enders-

repair boys: update, peter knows percy somehow

sea boy: who

lego builder: that’s. odd.

-Chat: traumadumped-

ptparker: THERE’S A WATCHER MYSTERY FILES VIDEO ONHIM
ptparker: THE CASE WAS INSANE THE INTERNET WENT WILD OVER IT

argo: LMAOOOO????
argo: man I need to tell percy abt how hes internet famous
argo: he was the one who told me I wasn’t doing the trauma dumping thing hard enough

-Chat: world enders-

ew: leo ???

horse girl: how does he know percy

repair boy: ok we’re chill

sea boy: we are? do I know this guy?

repair boy: no
repair boy: but you are internet famous

sea boy: HUH???

beast boy: what

ew: wtff???

repair boy: yeah theres a watcher mystery files video on you apparently
repair boy: I dunno what that is but apparently ppl went wild

lego builder: it’s a youtube channel
lego builder: I’ve only watched their ghost files videos tho

sea boy: wow
sea boy: all bc i got in a gun fight at 12

-Chat: traumadumped-

ptparker: how do you know him??

L official: I am so lost.

ptparker: percy Jackson was a 12 yo who the police thought killed his mother and blew up some things but then it turned out he was kidnapped and he had a gun fight w his captor on the beach

L official: Wait I remember that in the news.

ptparker: yeah the video went past that tho, his life is so strange he just keeps randomly appearing in places and doing things

argo: yeah he’s a little silly like that
argo: its actually very typical for my friends funnily enough
argo: but I know him through camp
argo: he is a super chill nice guy tho
argo: he keeps trying to teach me how to sword fight except im not that good at sword fighting
argo: I would sneak away to the camp bunker to build things but I did it once and he looked so sad so I never will ever again

L official: The Argo rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper

argo :3

ptparker: you are one of the most interesting people ever I think

argo: aww
argo: does that include eprcy

ptparker: maybe not yet

argo: FUCK
argo: always second best heart broken and crying</3
argo: remind me to never introduce you two bc then all my chances at being the coolest disappear

ptparker: that’s homophobic

argo: so is me not being the coolest ever

L official: Boo hoo.

argo: shaking and crying life is relentless
argo: festus is a real one at least I’m his favourite

ptparker: he’s the dragon you made that’s not fair u can program that

argo: festus lore is long and complex
argo: but he’s a little sentient

L official: He’s not.

argo: and to be fair I only repaired him the first time, and also added wings bc he didn’t have those
argo: and then he blew up and I completely redesigned him to be way better
argo: and then he got ripped apart which was rude and unnecessary
argo: so I had to put him together again

L official: How?

argo: well the blowing up thing was like lasers or something I cant really remember I hit my head pretty hard

ptparker: wtf????? I thought you meant he exploded in general

argo: he was not in good shape at all. post redesign he could’ve taken it. but he was already falling apart when I first found him and not optimized for defence and flight at the same time

L official: How are you alive.

argo: trickery mischief and tomfoolery
argo: my continued existence serves only to spite the gods

ptparker: mood

L official: You are the most respectful and overall good kid alive, Peter. Don’t lie.

ptparker: KDSHJFSHKJDF

argo: helppp???

ptparker: this is unfair why am I not a tricky dude

argo: sometimes the tricks choose you, not the other way around

ptparker: that’s deep

argo: thanks! I died for that philosophy

L official: It’s difficult to tell whether you’re joking or not.

argo: thanks! I will not clarify

ptparker: lol
ptparker: when are you leaving for ny?

argo: now :3

ptparker: great time management skills w your packing half an hour ago

argo: I have adhd leave me alone
argo: its roadtrip time and you’re now unfortunately stuck w me

L official: Could always block you

argo: one that’s rude two I’ll get percy to block peter

ptparker: WTF

L official: That’s cold

ptparker: you wouldn’t

argo: survive the roadtrip and I’ll consider adding you into a chat w him :3

ptparker: deal

argo: that’s if percy agrees ofc I’ll ask

-Chat: fire boy and water girl-

zuko: percy so sorry but I have made you a bargaining chip so I don’t get blocked during this road trip

katara: huh

zuko: if I don’t get blocked I told peter I’d consider putting him in a chat w you

katara: oh that’s chill idc

zuko: ok epic ty man <3

-Chat: traumadumped-

argo: ok he said yes we’re good

ptparker: most insane day of my life

argo: I’m glad

L official: Nice to see your hero worship from another perspective.

argo: I am so confused abt your relationship I thought he was like your son or something

ptparker: JKSDHFDSGSJGHKSG

L official: No.

argo: the vibes are completely off then.
argo: have you considered adoption maybe?

ptparker: I’m just his intern !!!!!!

argo: oh.
argo: that clears things up a lot holy shit

ptparker: this day is insane in two different ways now

argo: also dude I’ll be real percy is just going to be like me and drop insane lore and act like its nothing

L official: I want to understand what is up with you and also what is wrong with you.

argo: wow man. just because I have learning disabilities :/

L official: That’s not what I meant, and you know it.

argo: :3

 -Chat: Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium-

nerd: GUYS
nerd: YOU KNOW THAT COOL ASS ACC W THAT ROBOT DRAGON

geek: YEAH!!!

nerd: THE GUY BEHIND IT KNOWS PERCY JACKSON

geek: WHAT???

loser: how?

nerd: they go to the same summer camp apparently

loser: how’d you find that out?

nerd: I told mr stark abt him and long story short now we’re in a chat together

geek: OMG??

nerd: IKR???
nerd: anyway!!
nerd: he said if mr stark doesn’t block him by the end of his trip then he’ll add percy to chat :DDD

loser: what kind of main character life are you living?

geek: DUDEE!!!! I want to know everything

nerd: will keep you updated I promise

-Chat: traumadumped-

ptparker: I want to know more lore

argo: ok uh
argo: give me a number

ptparker: 13

argo: well I already told you abt the ny time square fiasco

L official: You did say that.

argo: but I think 13 was when I took a police car joyriding after the officer started harassing this homeless guy I met

ptparker: HELLO?????

argo: the homeless dude was so nice
argo: guy gave me his blanket for the night bc it was winter and he shared his food w me and everything
argo: and this dickhead cops comes and starts saying how he can’t sleep there bc it’s ‘against the law’
argo: I hate laws and specifically laws that make it illegal for homeless ppl to just. exist.

ptparker: fr!!! they're the worst !!!

L official: I’ll get on that.

argo: bitches would rather people literally actually die than continue on w their day
argo: so I stole the car, crashed it into an abandoned shipping crate and then disappeared into the woods
argo: was never caught 🫶

ptparker: kind of based ngl

L official: I have some great lawyers if anyone finds this chat and decides to prosecute you. Or for any other bastard cop related crimes you might commit.

ptparker: I can write a letter attesting to your character <3

argo: aw you guys are so sweet
argo: i’ve learnt how to not get caught tho dw <3

L official: Makes things easier

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: guys tony stark has offered to pay for my lawyers if I get in trouble w cops

lego builder: based.
lego builder: he’s my fave avenger now

repair boy: wow I’ll make sure he knows it’s a huge honour

lego builder: thanks.

ew: leo I would’ve done that for you already

repair boy: just like how I’d blow up jail to get you out <3

ew: exactly.

horse girl: why are you getting into trouble w cops

repair boy: one might look at me wrong you never know

ew: based

lego builder: based

sea boy: based

horse girl: I guess cops have not improved at all and i'm not surprised
horse girl: based

repair boy: YEAHHHHHH

-Chat: traumadumped-

argo changed the group name to road trip
argo changed ptparkers name to not son

not son: WTF

argo: is it wrong?

not son: that’s a trick question

L official: It is.

argo changed L offical’s name to based

based: That’s nice.

argo: the architect friend says you’re her fav avenger now bc you’re based
argo: this is the only time her arachnophobia has lost
argo: good job
argo: not even her attraction to pretty women who could maybe beat her up could do that

based: Thanks?

not son: is that abt black widow??? maybe beat her up??

argo: I have seen annabeth wrestle something the size of a bear into submission I will never bet against her

not son: does this happen to be annabeth from the watcher video too

argo: maybe ??? I haven’t watched it
argo: but she was one of the two who was apart of that manhunt

not son: holy shit

argo: am I going to need to ask to add her too

not son: how are all your friends so cool

argo: I make a sentient dragon and i’m still the least cool of my friends

based: Don’t take it personally I don’t think he knows what something being his favourite actually means.

not son: MR STAKRSDJFHSKFSG
not son: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT NOOOOO

-Chat: genius convention LA-

L: ive made a deal w percy to add him to this chat if I’m not blocked by the end of this

A: of course. horrible idea

L: and peter also just released that you’re Annabeth from the same case and was excited abt that

A: so you want to know if I’ll also join?

L: feel free to say no I want less competition in being the coolest

A: fuck you
A: you can add me.
A: gods know you need constant supervision or else you’d blow up something

L: it was ONE TIME
L: and it didn’t even blow up in the end stop being dramatic

-Chat: road trip-

argo: [attactched screenshot of a chat called genius convention LA]
argo: the things I do for people

not son: yay!!!
not son: also, gods?

argo: we’re pagan
argo: specifically bc Christianity is traumatising and its funnier to blame all my life issues on gods rather than facts

not son: least serious religious person

argo: i try my hardest to be the silliest guy

not son: you are succeeding

argo: thanks
argo: i am so lucky I own a flying dragon bc otherwise I think I’d rather die than travel

not son: WHAT HE FLIES ????

argo: I mentioned this before

based: Holy shit.
based: How?

argo: would you accept tomfoolery as an answer?

based: No.

argo: oh. well. its only like 490 newtons worth of force in order to lift him up roughly
argo: he’s capable of way more tho
argo: large wings and air jets
argo: distributing his weight was very finicky
argo: there was a reason he couldn’t fly before me and there’s a reason I completely redesigned him after he got destroyed that one time

not son: holy shit that’s so cool!!

based: That’s.
based: Really impressive. Please do not accept any internship from Hammer or Osborne thanks.

argo: depriving the world of my genius I see

based: I will give you a job, we just do not need dragons in the US military.

argo: ok based and real
argo: anyway this is only like, a 2 hour flight when I’m not going around aimlessly and having things hunt down someone I’m giving a lift
argo: and know the destination

based: What?

argo: first time I flew here i was w two other ppl and we had no idea where we were meant to go
argo: and one of them went through life being a whore and had way too many enemies so me and my dragon got to be bodyguards

based: Every time I learn more about you I get significantly more worried.
based: I’m going grey.

argo: you’re already an old man so nothing is changing lol

Chapter Text

-Chat: road trip-

argo: guys fun fact there are these birds in australia will attack large flying objects like helicopters
argo: it is a horrible match up but I admire their confidence

based: What prompted that thought?

argo: I saw a pigeon :3

not son: I love pigeons
not son: there’s one that built a nest on my kitchen window sill
not son: I named him luke skyflyer

argo: nerd
argo: mean that in the most endearing way

not son: do you like star wars?

argo: never watched it

not son: WHATTT??

argo: I mean I understand the general premise

based: You’ve fucked up.

argo: and I have seen clips

not son: this is unacceptable

argo: i'm very behind in all things media related
argo: too busy w building a dragon and or nearly dying

not son: unacceptable

argo: uhoh

not son: that needs to change

argo: I’ll ask the theatre kid cabin to do a dramatic retelling of it

not son: that won’t do
not son: I would want to see that tho

argo: I have no idea if the foster home i’m going to will let me do a star wars marathon
argo: we’ll see ig

not son: I’ll do it w you if that’s the case

based: You can’t get out of this one. Every single time he’s invited to a movie night he debates just to get one on.

not son: they’re good movies!!!

based: Not after the 73rd watch.

argo: wow that’s almost like piper and pride and prejudice
argo: I admire the dedication

not son: you’ll admire it a lot more when you watch them

argo: ok ok I will
argo: one day.

not son: very soon

argo: not that soon bc I need to go to camp and the stay w mrs Jackson for a night until some poor social worker gets to deal w me
argo: but after that sure
argo: very much not the typical procedure but I ran away from the school I got court sentenced to and the government has not seen me for a year and a half
argo: I love being a troubled kid🦅🔥🦅🔥
argo: yoo I’m starting to see the skyscrapers on the horizon

based: How has no-one seen you?

argo: idk they’re unobservant or something
argo: I think abt this every time
argo: bitches are just not looking up fr
argo: or maybe they just think he’s a plane
argo: we are pretty high up ig

not son: how high up are you tht they can’t tell it’s a dragon

argo: idk but some of the homeless kids I taught in indianopolis thought he was a truck lmao
argo: [attached photo of part of Festus flying through some clouds. The New York city skyline is visible in the distance]

not son: how are you not freezing up there

based: Or suffocating?

argo: festus has external heating and I’m built different L + ratio

based: If you weren’t a genius, I’d think you’d have brain damage from oxygen deprivation.

argo: personally I think it would be all the head trauma I’ve had in my life but that works too

not son: me and you both

based: I wonder how you’re both alive.

argo: once again throwing rocks around sir glass house

not son changed based’s name to sir glass house

argo: I should study flight paths and then fly next to planes and wave at people

not son: you should

sir glass house: You’ll get your dragon forcible taken from you if that happens.

argo: you’re telling me in this great god given nation of the free what is considered my personal property can be taken from me by the government
argo: I am shocked truly
argo: it’s a good thing I know about 4 different places I can go if I ever need to hide

sir glass house: I don’t know how well that would work but good for you.

argo: they haven’t taken him yet so I think its pretty good
argo: over ny now wow time flies

sir glass house: Can I block you now?

not son: mr stark!! don’t be mean

argo: yeah you really hurt my feeelings why would you say that
argo: you have to wait until I make it to camp anyway
argo: where I’ll b viciously attacked by my friends
argo: so will probably be offline for a while

-Chat: world enders-

ew: how long are you going to take leo omg

horse girl: we are all waiting!!!

repair boy: calm down im almost there
repair boy: give me like another 5 minutes

ew: too long teleport

repair boy: oh shit fair point youre right
repair boy: I wont tho bc it means I have to spend less time around you

ew: wtf
ew: homophobia

repair boy: yeah I hate me n you

ew: youre going to regret letting me use twitter

repair boy: um aactually its called x🤓🤓🤓

ew: nvm turn around.

horse girl: don’t you dare

lego builder: if you don’t get here valdez I will be repurposing bunker 9 into an indoor gym

repair boy: PIPER SAID IT??? WHY AM I GETTING ATTACKED???
repair boy: not once did I say I wasn’t coming wtf

ew: its bc im the faovurite <3

repair boy: biphobia :/

ew: stop being so dramatic
ew: I have so much I need to fill you in on abt my new school tho
ew: and shel
ew: so the sooner you get here the better

repair boy: don’t look up

-Chat: Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium-

nerd: UPDATE BTW!!!
nerd: mr stark did not block argo which means percy AND Annabeth are going to be added

loser: wait Annabeth too?

nerd: yeah!!

geek: suddenly interested when a woman is brought up

nerd: argo says she’s wrestled something the size of a bear and won before

loser: nice.

nerd: they r all socialising and offline but afterwards !!!

geek: this is so exciting omg

nerd: I should ask if I can add you guys

geek: OMG!!!

nerd: after they’re online and everything tho

geek: I still cant believe your in a chat w tony stark and a dude who made a working dragon robot btw

nerd: it flies too

geek: WHATTT???

loser: it flies??

nerd: yeah that’s how hes travelling

loser: you’re fucking joking
loser: how the hell did he do that

geek: that’s insane omg?

nerd: he sent us a photo and everything !!!

loser: how has the military not killed this guy

nerd: he says hes good at hiding from the government

loser: he has a social media acc

geek: no-one thinks his dragon can fly tho !!

nerd: even mr stark was surprised
nerd: I think he wants to see festus irl

geek: as we all do

nerd: I wonder if argo will take me flying if I ask
nerd: !!!!
nerd: HE HAS NEVER WATCHED STAR WARS

geek: WHATTTT!!!

nerd: NOT ONCE

geek: SACRILEGE

loser: losers.

nerd: I AM GOING TO MAKE HIM!!!!

geek: AS IS YOUR GOD GIVEN DUTY

nerd: he is going to our school so yk

geek: HE IS?????

loser: no he’s not.

nerd: yeah he’s transferring or something

geek: holy shit

loser: what y/n fanfic plot is this

nerd: idk!!! but I’m excited to meet him irl
nerd: also makes it a lot easier to force a star wars marathon on him

loser: that is not how you make friends

nerd: its how me n ned became friends and look at us

loser: you’re both losers.

geek: but we’re also best friends

nerd: you will not find friends as best as us

geek: ily man

nerd: ily too

loser: gross

geek: we love you too <3

nerd: <3

loser: ok.

-Chat: road trip-

argo: ive managed to sneak away for the time being
argo: piper has caught me up on all of her lore and that’s all I needed to stick around for before things just get sappy

not son: !!

argo: will add percy and Annabeth now :]

sir glass house: Its 1am go to sleep.
sir glass house: Both of you.

argo: ok rock thrower
argo: youre not my dad don’t tell me what do to

not son: ajsdksj
not son: can I add my friends too? all g if no

argo: idm
argo: Ill have no filter either way

not son: yay :D

argo added pjriptide and annabethchase
not son has added mj.what and nedleeds01
argo has changed pjriptide’s name to aquaman
argo has changed annabethchase’s name to the riddler

the riddler: go to bed.
the riddler: you need to get up early tm.

argo: another hypocrite in chat stark its your lucky day

sir glass house: Maybe you could try listening then.

argo: boring

the riddler: if I go to the bunker and I see you there I’m going to drag you back to your cabin

argo: FINE
argo: you are all haters

not son: I support you

argo: except peter he’s the only real one <3

sir glass house: I don’t care.

argo: ☹

the riddler: hurry up valdez the curfew ladies are coming

argo: I am too quick they’ll never catch me

the riddler: they will.

argo: I could’ve slept in the bunker

the riddler: on your greased up sheets

argo: or the floor in general
argo: comfier than some benches ive slept on

the ridlder: yes but now you have a bed and you should use it <3

argo: rolling eyes I cant believe you wont let me continue my unhealthy lifestyle

sir glass house: I’m glad one of you is sane.

argo: LMAO

the riddler: not by choice

argo: no way we’re calling Annabeth sane when she does the exact same overworking as I do

the riddler: I’m not proud of it is the difference

argo: youre a liar actually

the riddler: quit stalling and sleep

argo: you first

the riddler: I’m not falling for that
the riddler: I will wake up nyssa

argo: WTF

not son: who’s nyssa

sir glass house: Go to bed

argo: person in my cabin
argo: and its bullshit bc im the cabin counsellor
argo: and if Annabeth wakes her up ill be the one in trouble and not her
argo: actually biphobic

the riddler: nyssa knows I wouldn’t wake her up for no reason

argo: nyssa is scared of you theres a difference

the riddler: try not being 5’2 next time

not son: LAMSOJDSKDFJ

argo: WTF I AM NOT
argo: you’re a freak of nature don’t bring my height into this

the riddler: I can guarantee leo is the shortest in this gc

argo: I wish festus never woke me up wtf

the riddler: santa elf looking kinda guy

not son: oh my god this is brutal

argo: I cant believe this
argo: not even piper has stooped this low

the riddler: we have all bent down to look you in the eye so she definitely has

argo: im going to go back to Indiana

not son: you can do that after the star wars marathon

the riddler: ?

not son: he hasn’t seen star wars so I’m forcing him to

the riddler: you haven’t seen star wars?

argo: you have?

the riddler: yeah I’m normal

argo: wow
argo: Annabeth chase hates orphans you heard it here first

the riddler: only you bc youre annoying

argo: also how’ve you watched it ?????
argo: you’re less media literate than I am

the riddler: not knowing various popular emo ass bands doesn’t make me behind in media

argo: :////
argo: I was showing you rock in general as a genre
argo: just bc u only remember mcr

the riddler: were you not also explaining the emo trinity lore?
the riddler: and how p!atd has been phased out of it?

argo: ok yeah but that’s not everything

not son: i am so confused w ur knowledge of some things and not others

argo: well I’m not a nerd

the riddler: yeah that’s just a lie
the riddler: mfer will isolate himself to do complex math for no good reason

argo: you say that like you don’t do the same thing but w arches and columms

the riddler: heres a tip when interacting w leo assume he’s either lying by omission or exaggerating

argo: WTF???
argo: are u actually piper rn bc wtf why are you being so mean to me

the riddler: bc its 1:30 am and I want to sleep and I can’t do that until I know you’re in bed
the riddler: we’re leaving at 9:30 this morning and if I have to drag you to the car istg I will

argo: fine :///

sir glass house: Finally.

argo: gn peter <3

not son: gn!!!

argo: not to you two tho
argo: I hope you have a bad night actually
argo: mr evil mcserial killer from 2 sentence horror stories shows up

the riddler: terrified

sir glass house: Practically catatonic from fear.

-08:34-

aquaman changed aquaman’s name to pj
pj changed argo’s name to toolbelt

pj: istg the next time you change my name to aquaman ill make sure all your socks are wet

toolbelt: good morning rise and shine sweetheart ilyt <3

pj: did you sleep at all last night why are you up so early

toolbelt: nyssa
toolbelt: something abt Annabeth texting her

the riddler: your own fault

toolbelt: I’m perfectly capable of setting an alarm thanks

mj.what: please teach peter how to

toolbelt: with pleasure
toolbelt: also hi nice to meet you I’m leo

mj.what: michelle

toolbelt: and those two are the cringefail losers in love Annabeth and percy

the riddler: leo shut the fuck up challenge

toolbelt: how am I meant to be the most annoying person in any place at any given opportunity if I do that ?

sir glass house: You’ve succeeded so well at that you could probably quit for the rest of your life and still qualify.

toolbelt: means nothing I’ll probably die within the next month

the riddler: you’re actually banned from that for a while. try again next year maybe

pj: we’ll drag you back up from hell if need be <3

toolbelt: wow aren’t you all sweet
toolbelt: ok I can spite death a little longer <3

the riddler: good.

toolbelt: besides still need to teach more ppl how to service festus
toolbelt: he will live forever if I have any say in it

the riddler: thank the gods you don’t do that for the majority of the things you make

toolbelt: you’re just a hater

not son: why is everyone up so early

toolbelt: gm :]
toolbelt: Annabeth doesn’t trust me to set alarms :]

the riddler: I also don’t trust you with knives, most weapons, unlabelled buttons, forks, hot sauce, spoons and nail polish <3

toolbelt: so much confidence in me

pj: can you blame her

toolbelt: ok as I recall it you and piper thought mixing bleach and vinegar was a good idea

pj: the internet lied to me

toolbelt: as it does all the time

not son: no it doesn’t its always honest

toolbelt: theyre lucky they mentioned their ‘home made super cleaner’ to me before they made chlorine gas and died

not son: a misunderstanding im sure

pj: exactly

the riddler: a lack of research more likely

toolbelt: fr

sir glass house: You’re a chemistry guy Peter, you should not be encouraging this

toolbelt: wow
toolbelt: way to discourage his future career in being a gaslighter and manipulater
toolbelt: unsupportive dad fr

not son: JHDSJFHKS

mj.what: lmao

pj: its ok peter if you need leo and Annabeth make very good teachers

toolbelt: yeah maybe we can do it when I teach you how to set alarms

not son: what???

mj.what: I thought you needed lessons

not son: MJ????

toolbelt: I am an expert in all three topics don’t worry
toolbelt: like later today I’m going to practice my lying by telling this social worker I definitely wont run away again
toolbelt: guys this is definitely going to be the exception

mj.what: you are so comfortable revealing plans that you probably shouldn’t

toolbelt: idc if I’m going to run away they’re not going to be able to stop me yk
toolbelt: legally speaking I’m a delinquent and that’s never coming off my record so I’m not going to pretend to be a perfect foster child
toolbelt: esp considering most of the foster homes ive been put into suck ass

the riddler: as long as you stay in contact

toolbelt: ofc how else am I meant to get the latest piper lore
toolbelt: I’ll never find out what shel thinks of the ring piper made me make her for their 6 month anniversary

the riddler: it doesn’t take a genius to figure out her potential reaction ngl

not son: wait dude you make rings too??

toolbelt: yeah lol

pj: leo will make literally anything if you pitch it to him when he’s not busy

the riddler: piper and him got a whole punch of piercings together to make use of his practice

toolbelt: metal smithing is v fun what can I say

pj: also everyone who interacts w him regularly gets at least 3 friendship bracelets so I hope youre prepared for that

toolbelt: dude if you don’t like my bracelets you couldn’ve told me ☹

pj: bro I love your bracelets theyre my favourite pieces of jewellery don’t ever stop

toolbelt: I won’t :3

the riddler: only jewellery I bother wearing

toolbelt: :33

not son: :OOO
not son: wait I want to see

pj: ok hold on
pj: [attached photo of a silver bracelet made out of connected fish of various species. Little aquamarine gems are embedded to make up eyes and patterns.]

not son: YOO????

toolbelt: none of the gems have fallen out right

not son: dude that’s so pretty omg

pj: they’re all there
pj: and ikr I wear it everywhere

the riddler: you should’ve see the one he made for our other friend for his bf’s birthday
the riddler: it was these tiny parallel chains that made up a musical staff
the riddler: and then he did the notes based off this one song he really liked

toolbelt: that one was very fun to make ngl

mj.what: that’s pretty cool

toolbelt: thanks
toolbelt: its like my healthiest coping mechanism

nedleeds01: gm omg

not son: hi ned!!!

toolbelt: hi ned!!!

pj: hi ned!!!

sir glass house: Ted

mj.what: gm ned

the riddler: gm

toolbelt changed mj.what’s name to staring

toolbelt: that’s the vibe you give off sorry michelle

staring: accurate enough

toolbelt changed nedleed01’s name to hi ned!!!

hi ned!!!: I get the feeling that’s not based off vibes but something else

toolbelt: you’re such an empath

hi ned!!!: r u argo?

toolbelt: leo actually but argo is what I use online

the riddler: did I expose your name before?

toolbelt: no lol I just forgot to introduce myself properly

the riddler: ok good.
the riddler: I am Annabeth in case someone doesn’t know
the riddler: if you call me Annie or Beth I will castrate you

pj: there’s one exception to that rule and its my mom :]

the riddler: percy learnt the hard way not to call me either

pj: if the ‘hard way’ is just you cheating during sparring then sure ig

the riddler: I don’t want to hear shit abt cheating during sparring when that’s half your strategy
the riddler: just bc I can kick your ass either way

pj: we tie like every time

the riddler: bc you cheat

pj: so do you

toolbelt: healthiest relationship in camp

the riddler: shut up valdez

toolbelt: never chase <3

hi ned!!!: leo you’re going to midtown?

toolbelt: yeah
toolbelt: probably not for long given my track record

pj: can’t be worse than mine

toolbelt: well yeah bc I never got to go on fun fieldtrips

pj: I wouldn’t call them fun
pj: dropping my class in a shark tank was iconic of me tho

toolbelt: should recreate it

sir glass house: No you shouldn’t.

toolbelt: stop being a responsible adult and let us have fun gods.

sir glass house: Half the things you consider fun are against the law.

toolbelt: if you’re referring to festus he’s perfectly legal

sir glass house: I was actually referring to the Times Square incident, but as I recall you do need a flight permit thing for Festus for him to be legal.

toolbelt: oh yeah lmao

hi ned!!!: wait so your dragon can actually fly

the riddler: yeah

toolbelt: yeah

pj: yeah

not son: told you

hi ned!!!: THAT’S SO COOL WHAHTT???
hi ned!!!: how did you even do that omg???

toolbelt: 3 hours of sleep and a dream

the riddler: three hours being a generous estimation

pj: and from what I heard the dream was more like a deadline

toolbelt: something like that

staring: you sound like the least put together person.

toolbelt: probably bc I am!
toolbelt: it is a miracle I am alive rn

pj: he scares us on a regular basis

toolbelt: I try my best <3

the riddler: are you packed leo?

toolbelt: didn’t unpack bc I knew Id be leaving immediately

pj: so fair

the riddler: are you packed percy?

pj: my suitcase is open

toolbelt: he’s just like me (18 hours ago) fr

the riddler: you’re both hopeless

toolbelt: schedule having adhd vs fuck it we ball adhd

the riddler: I have no idea how you’ve managed to get this far in life

toolbelt: by not adhering to social norms such as going to school, living in a house and having my life general put together

not son: it seems to have worked out for you so I think I should try

toolbelt: great idea nothing will go wrong

the riddler: do not listen to him

sir glass house: For the love of god Peter.

staring: awful idea

toolbelt: you’re all haters

not son: fr </3

the riddler: where are you leo we’re going in 5

toolbelt: coming
toolbelt: was saying goodbye to festus

not son: you’re leaving him at camp?

toolbelt: I’m not mean enough to make fosters worry abt my giant robot drgon
toolbelt: also theyd probably try to give him away which I wont stand for

not son: that makes sense yeah

sir glass house: The only sane thing I’ve heard you say.

toolbelt: maybe you should try being interesting instead of sane <3

not son: KJAHSDJHF

staring: you are nothing like what I imagined a dragon engineer to be like

toolbelt: thanks its all the trauma
toolbelt: I live to exceed expectations in the way that lets everyone down

staring: fun

pj: realest ever

toolbelt: percy says like he’s ever let down anyone despite being the best ever <3

pj: aww <33

the riddler: he’s letting down me by not being at the car yet
the riddler: get off your phone and up this hill seaweed brain

pj: omw <3

the riddler: ty <3

toolbelt: gross

the riddler: you say that like you don’t flirt w percy whenever possible

toolbelt: he’s just such a beautiful man what can I say

the riddler: nothing preferably

not son: not preferable to me

toolbelt: <333
toolbelt: another reason to never shut the fuck up
toolbelt: gods I hate cars

staring: you do? that surprising

toolbelt: I get carsick
toolbelt: which never happens on a dragon btw
toolbelt: Annabeth and percy are talking abt getting into college like normal well adjusted ppl

the riddler: calling us well adjusted is a stretch but ok
the riddler: literally did not go to school for 5 years bc I was living at camp instead

toolbelt: worse education than me<3
toolbelt: whats it w the group smart ppl being the least academically stable

the riddler: circumstance
the riddler: I wouldn’t exactly call hazel and percy academically stable tho

toolbelt: hazel’s doing online study and percy can somewhat make it through a school year
toolbelt: I think the last time I actually went from one year to the next based on my grades from the last year I was 7

the riddler: to be fair I’ve been very consistent in school since 13

toolbelt: to be fair I’ve been very consistent in making a business in doing math homework since 7

staring: what do you mean

toolbelt: I’ve been doing college level math since a child bc my mom taught me
toolbelt: it just makes sense to me

the riddler: leo is just like the woman who answers those super hard math questions but w/o working and leaves other mathematicians super confused

toolbelt: cleo?

the riddler: yeah her

staring: an icon

toolbelt: she’s iconic and a rolemodel
toolbelt: used to not show any working on tests bc I could just do it in my head
toolbelt: teachers hated me for it fr

sir glass house: Can’t imagine why.

toolbelt: and I can’t imagine why you used capitals and full stops but here we are
toolbelt: finally out of the car yippee
toolbelt: awful to think that this time tm I’ll be back in one
toolbelt: I can never win fr

staring: L

the riddler: L

pj: L

ned !!!: L

sir glass house: L

not son: L

toolbelt: wtf

Chapter Text

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: bad news
repair boy: this home has 3 red flags already

ew: oh gods
ew: we have a spare room if you need to run away

repair boy: ty will keep in mind

sea boy: whats up

repair boy: 1
repair boy: foster dad was not there
repair boy: apparently he got called into work 5 minutes before I rocked up lol
repair boy: I think hes either a workaholic or a bastard that doesn’t like im here

beast boy: >:/

horse girl: >:(

repair boy: 2!
repair boy: this one is more beige ig
repair boy: theyre rich

ew: ew

beast boy: whats so bad abt that?

sea boy: eat the rich

repair boy: worst case they see the foster system as a oo look at me being a good citizen and giving back to the poor orphaned children ooo
repair boy: that said they could also just be chill, will see
repair boy: does make me think the dad is a business dad tho

lego builder: awful

repair boy: 3 !!!
repair boy: they have a kid
repair boy: the kid does not like me

ew: oh fun

lego builder: ok well he is a kid

repair boy: no he’s our age
repair boy: but he’s acting like a fucking 5yo istg

lego builder: oh nvm

repair boy: he’s going to my new school too
repair boy: I should ask peter and co abt him later
repair boy: I’m pre sure these aren’t even actually cleared foster parents bc the mom knows the social worker
repair boy: and they’re rich and in the freest place for rich ppl

ew: they can do that ????

repair boy: no but this meeting was also doubling as their interview stage which isn’t how it works normally
repair boy: honestly not the worst introduction ive had to a home

sea boy: a sliver of a silver lining

horse girl: we can always kidnap you if you need

lego builder: I still remember where the safe houses I used are if you want them

ew: and the option to hide out w me is always there

sea boy: mom would be more than happy to have you for a little

beast boy: yeah honestly just come to new rome its chill there

repair boy: aww you guys <333
repair boy: its ok the mom seems kinda nice rn
repair boy: that said I only really interacted w her in front of the worker so she couldn’t really be mean there
repair boy: whatever the case so long as they don’t abuse me too bad idc

lego builder: as long as they don’t abuse you at all or I’ll have words

ew: I’ll have more than words

sea boy: my mom did murder her abusive husband w medusa’s head and she’s taught me all I know
sea boy: so if you need any tips

repair boy: :(((
repair boy: youre all so sweet ready to break the law for me
repair boy: now give me money

ew: I was breaking the law before you don’t push your luck

repair boy: fuck fine

ew: besides you could just steal from your new rich foster parents
ew: I want a lesbian flag if you do

repair boy: yes your highness right away
repair boy: I am not looking forward to testing the boundaries
repair boy: I got too used to demigods I think

lego builder: road trip chat is not a good sign w all your trauma dumping

ew: dude wtf you’re in a gc w/o me >:/

repair boy: it’s the iron man peter one
repair boy: besides don’t act like you guys don’t have an argirls that you refuse to let me into
repair boy: despite the fact that we all gossip and paint our nails together

ew: stop being dramatic its one gc loser

repair boy: so’s road trip fuck you

ew: wow rude

lego builder: I don’t think you two should ever be a gc together

ew: I think I agree

repair boy: WTF
repair boy: you have no loyalties. no standards. no morals you truly believe in, nor ideals you’d fight for
repair boy: to think our relationship could be tossed to the wind with no regrets. I’m shocked and saddened, but maybe I was the fool for thinking I’d ever mean as much to you, as you to me.

beast boy: wow he’s pulling out grammar for this

sea boy: never took him as a literature guy

lego builder: he’s not
lego builder: maybe a theatre kid

 repair boy: and to think, here, among my peers an equals, my suffering is only a joke. what a mockery I have been made. our tears and our laughs. our joy and heartache. it’s all as fleeting as a snowflake caught on bare skin. and here I am, melting away to become nothing more than a punchline

ew: do you forget yourself? I may not be innocent in this, but neither are you. do not poke a bear and gasp when it strikes back. were you not the first to joke at my expense? are you not little more than a class clown? why am I the first you blame when your actions come back to haunt you?

sea boy: oh gods she’s joined in

repair boy: do I forget myself?! is this some sick joke? who was the one to pin back your hair, to wipe your tears, to hold your hand? have I not always been there for you? and what can I show for it? a broken taylor swift cd and half a bottle of cheap vodka? why have you forsaketh me so

ew: a dumb night full of foolish mistakes made by us both and yet you claim the moral high ground. why can we not both be two troubled people. need your innocence come always at my guilt – my detriment. I feel for your pain and suffering, I really do, but I cannot be expected to constantly deal with your problems and still be the perfect companion. can you spare a single thought about my feelings here?

death boy: I regret checking my phone. I never will again.

-Chat: road trip-

pj: leo and piper are rping as period drama flavoured teenagers fighting over gods knows what and I don’t want to deal w that rn

not son: ??

the riddler: they’re living out their theatre kid fantasies

pj: I had no idea leo could stomach the thought of grammar long enough to write these fucking paragraphs

the riddler: I blame lester

not son: what are they rping over ???

pj: piper found out she wasn’t in a chat w him and then he brought up not being in another chat and now theyre acting like they’re having a messy break up like they’re not basically siblings

toolbelt: stop being such a fucking hater we’re having fun

the riddler: you used forsaketh as a word I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you actually

toolbelt: and here I was thinking you were a real one :/
toolbelt: peter rq if this foster home turns out to be abusive what would you do?

not son: report them to the authorities ????

toolbelt: hm ok
toolbelt: you’re safe for now

not son: ????

the riddler: I think that might be directed at me

toolbelt: thin ice. those safe houses better be good

the riddler: as good as a 7yo a 12yo and a 14yo could manage

not son: I am so confused

toolbelt: foster home things
toolbelt: oh yeah
toolbelt: they have a kid
toolbelt: he goes to midtown too
toolbelt: do you know a eugene thompson and if so please let me know if he’s chill or not

not son: oh

staring: awful

hi ned!!!: I am so sorry

toolbelt: this is not looking good for me

staring: yeah the running away idea is good

toolbelt: damn how bad is this dude that being homeless is better?

not son: he’s not that bad

staring: debatable

hi ned!!!: he is

not son: he’s a little mean

hi ned!!!: very mean

staring: I hate him.

not son: knowing his parents can foster is surprising

hi ned!!!: peter’s theory on why flash is such a dick was bc of bad parents

toolbelt: yeah that’s still in the cards im not too sure yet

the riddler: I’m sure I can scare him into being a decent person if you need leo

pj: I can back her up he’ll never look at you again

toolbelt: aw sweet
toolbelt: I can handle myself this is not the first mean bio kid I’ve had to deal w
toolbelt: speak of the devil brb

pj: you did get their address right Annabeth?

the riddler: yeah.

hi ned!!!: chills

staring: good

toolbelt: yall are so dramatic it was just the normal sizing up thing
toolbelt: happens all the time
toolbelt: yk like calling me a loser orphan and everything

the riddler: .

toolbelt: one of the least scary kid to kid interactions ive had dw <3

pj: that just makes me hate the ppl you’ve met before

toolbelt: hey dude not cool some of them were chill as fuck
toolbelt: also completely serious now I can take care of myself just fine
toolbelt: anyway bless his heart kid is not scary at all it was more funny than anything
toolbelt: don’t like this room I got at all tho

not son: why not?

toolbelt: its like
toolbelt: empty? idk
toolbelt: it feels clinical in a way
toolbelt: all the other homes I had thered be like drawings on the walls
toolbelt: or posters or old blankets or broken toys
toolbelt: but theres nothing here
toolbelt: really hope they don’t want me to personalise it myself

hi ned!!!: why not?

toolbelt: bc i’m not going to stay here anyway lmao
toolbelt: either they’ll realise they cannot deal w my difficult child problems or I’ll just run away

staring: optimism
staring: although considering your living with flash I hope you get out sooner rather than later

not son: mj >:(

hi ned!!!: no she’s right

not son: I don’t like him that much either but

sir glass house: Peter Parker not liking someone?

not son: nJKDSHFGSFSH

sir glass house: Whoever that is must suck.

toolbelt: sucks for me ig
toolbelt: I wonder if hes open to a truce where we just ignore each other completely

not son: that would work

hi ned!!!: good luck

staring: he likes to make people’s life hell
staring: namely

not son: nono

sir glass house: ?

toolbelt: wow if I knew he was so hated I wouldn’tve brought him up
toolbelt: can we go back to making fun of my life instead
toolbelt: this is my pity party :/

-Chat: dragonguyargo, ptparker-

dragonguyargo: do not want to talk abt that guy?

ptparker: not really
ptparker: but it’s fine!! you’re all good!

dragonguyargo: I am great at changing topics don’t even worry abt it

-Chat: road trip-

toolbelt changed the chat name to leo’s house of hell

toolbelt: anyway cannot be worse than the time I ran away and lived in sewers like a little rat guy

hi ned!!!: huh????

staring: what.

sir glass house: Your life just keeps getting worse.

toolbelt: you’re going to need to get used to my insane stories I tell them all the time

the riddler: yeah he does

pj: he brings up the most random things too

toolbelt changed pj’s name to hater

toolbelt: I’m being interesting leave me alone

staring: traumatised more like it

toolbelt: same difference

hi ned!!!: what were you doing in sewers???

toolbelt: theyre good enough shelter during winter
toolbelt: sometimes
toolbelt: I mean better than being just in snow yk

the riddler: I thought you were a Texas kid ??

toolbelt: I’ve been everywhere I just don’t specify when I move states

the riddler: surprised this never came up

toolbelt: do NOT recommend wyoming

not son: not real

toolbelt: you get me
toolbelt: anyway the best state is hands down none of them
toolbelt: still better than Britain 🦅🦅🔥🔥🔥

hater: fuck the brits

toolbelt: what is midtown like btw
toolbelt: love to know hat im getting into before I rock up and probably explode something

hi ned!!!: most ppl there are chill!! its pre good for a school I think

staring: I get lots of practice drawing people going through emotional distress

not son: the teachers are pretty good I think :)

staring: he’s almost a tachers pet don’t listen to him

not son: am not

toolbelt: all teachers hate me regardless so I’m not too worried abt that
toolbelt: what kind of clubs are there?

staring: depends
staring: how good are you at academics in general

toolbelt: I’m good at is science math and some history

staring: history?

toolbelt: ancient Greece, a little ancient rome. I could talk for hours abt Archimedes and daedelus
toolbelt: also abt any history to do w technology

staring: anything w technology?

toolbelt: from screws to oil rigs

staring: and ancient Greece history ?

toolbelt: yeah

staring: join acadec then.

toolbelt: it has an essay writing section and I have dyslexia I think I’ll be a liability

staring: that sucks

toolbelt: I can always annoy you w facts during practice tho I am helpful like that
toolbelt: I successfully remade Archimedes’ deathray once :3

not son: you did??? how ?????

toolbelt: a bronze shield and the creative use of a Fresnel lens

hi ned!!!: ooo

sir glass house: You sound like a danger to society.

toolbelt: I have no idea what you mean

the riddler: he is

hater: apparently he nearly blew up camp once

toolbelt: how tf do you know that
toolbelt: that was a secret

the riddler: piper <3

toolbelt: you guys give me trust issues can I have no secrets

not son: are we just brushing past the almost blowing up camp thing ???

toolbelt: it was fine

the riddler: its not the first time

hater: I think it might be a rite of cabin 9 ngl

staring: how did you even do that?

toolbelt: I was mixing these two things but I needed to instal the actual mixing chamber
toolbelt: but I cleaned my table w fucking windex (worst ever hate windex) so it ran off
toolbelt: then me and my friends had to track it down and distract a group of
toolbelt: very drunk I guess individuals that kind of wanted to kill us but oh well

hi ned!!!: what

toolbelt: do not clean your walking table w windex esp if they’re a little dramatic

not son: you have a walking table????

toolbelt: his name is bufford and he’s my son<3

staring: you don’t sound real

toolbelt: you’re in a chat w two ppl who were involved in a national manhunt at 12 and iron man and I’m the not real one ??????

not son: they’ve been on the news and the news never lies

toolbelt: oh fair point I guess

staring: speaking of what was up w that mahunt

hater: lol

staring: how the hell did you get the us government after you?

hater: exploded car abusive step dad and a few insane ppl

the riddler: we had a few attempts to escape like the bus and thing
the riddler: which almost kind of succeeded

hater: didn’t really trust the police tho
hater: they weren’t helpful before

staring: based
staring: whats with the turning up in random places then?

hater: lots of ppl don’t like me and chase me places

the riddler: its v annoying
the riddler: literally a few months after we first started dating he get kidnapped and I didn’t see him for 9 months

hater: I had amnesia too so I couldn’t just go back
hater: I remembered one thing and that was annabeth’s name

toolbelt: aww you guys are so sweet

not son: who hates you that much ????

the riddler: ppl who don’t exist apparently
the riddler: related to our parents w think
the riddler: considering they don’t exist either

sir glass house: That sounds like it should be investigated?

hater: no thanks <3
hater: I’m very done w investigations

the riddler: same here. just want to be left alone

toolbelt: fr
toolbelt: I think I should stop hanging around you guys actually bc I feel like that were my issues start

the riddler: you started our shit w piper don’t lie you bastard

toolbelt: fine ok

staring: ???
staring: leo and your shit ??

the riddler: leo was w us when we were doing our Europe tour

hater: Europe tour is a nice way to put it

the riddler: him and two of our other friends were the reason we found percy after he got kidnapped

hater: I would’ve found my way back for you <3

the riddler: <3

toolbelt: thanks percy I totally didn’t get 3 hours of sleep every night for 6 months to help reunite you guys

hater: I am very thankful for that don’t get me wrong

toolbelt: was joking dw abt it

hi ned!!!: how did you guys even get to europe?????

toolbelt: lolol

not son: don’t say it was Festus

toolbelt: ok I won’t

staring: it was

toolbelt: I can’t say

the riddler: it was

sir glass house: The amount of laws you’ve all broken is astounding. What a chat of up and coming criminals.

toolbelt: stone thrower !
toolbelt: besides it’s not like we did terrorism

sir glass house: Apparently a group of strange teenagers caused a sink hole to collapse in Rome.

the riddler: oh. that.

hater: don’t like to think about there.

toolbelt: ok one sinkhole aside we didn’t really harm anything and also that’s a sinkhole it would’ve happened anyway

sir glass house: Fair point.

hi ned!!!: your lives are actually so insane and cool omg

the riddler: cool is subjective ig

toolbelt: speak for yourself I am the coolest person there is and my life is the best

staring: for some reason I doubt that

hater: you probably should

toolbelt: living up to your name
toolbelt: bitches hate to see queer ppl succeed

hater: you say that like I’m not

toolbelt: self hatred I’m sure you seem like the self sabotaging type

the riddler: he is

toolbelt: so are you <3
toolbelt: what a perfect couple

the riddler: I need you to stop talking for a while

toolbelt: piper would never ask that of me

hater: she absolutely would
hater: she does whenever you bring up her and shel actually

toolbelt: that’s only bc I’m let in on secrets you guys don’t know and there is some things that go on !!

staring: oh?

toolbelt: I’m not going to say them ever bc piper trusts me and also she’s not around for me to tease

staring: who is she?

toolbelt: another friend who is a whore slash positive

the riddler: was w us on the Europe trip as well

toolbelt: I should add her that would be funny

hater: go ask her then

toolbelt added piperfuckyoumclean

toolbelt: why would I ask her

toolbelt changed piperfuckyoumclean’s name to beauty queen

beauty queen: I always win in the end

toolbelt: add me to argirls it’s a fair trade

beauty queen: absolutely not

the riddler: it’s the one place we’re safe

hater: add me then I need to be free

sir glass house: Yeah me too.

toolbelt: WTF

not son: its ok I’ll stay here :]

toolbelt changed not son’s name to my fav

my fav: ??

toolbelt: friendship ended w piper peter is my new bestie

beauty queen: WTF LEO

toolbelt: whore that’s what you get

beauty queen: how are you going to monologue abt how you mean nothing to me when you do this ????

toolbelt: easily try it next time

the riddler: this is why they shouldn’t be allowed in the same gc ever

hater: they’re very good at keeping gcs alive
hater: they usually have several different conversations going on at once

beauty queen: next time I see you its game over

toolbelt: you can try
toolbelt: festus will never forgive you

beauty queen: yeah he will I’m the favourite

toolbelt: you are not

beauty queen: am too

toolbelt: wrong and I can mathematically prove it

beauty queen: you’re the worst

my fav: festus has favourites?

toolbelt: yeah I told you he was sentient

sir glass house: How’d you do that?

toolbelt: by accident
toolbelt: he acts more like a golden retriever than anything

beauty queen: he’s my bb boy <3

toolbelt: wrong he’s mine get your own automaton whore

beauty queen: fuck you

the riddler: who’s breaking it to festus that his parents are getting a divorce

toolbelt: I’d never marry her she’s gross and probably has several diseases🤢🤢🤮

beauty queen: says the guy I check for fleas when he comes over :/

toolbelt: YOU DO NOT

staring: do you guys actually hate each other

toolbelt: yes

beauty queen: yes

the riddler: they’re liars

hater: they’re basically siblings

toolbelt: wrong
toolbelt: I’d die for her but I hate her

beauty queen: he’s not allowed to die for me but I would kill for him

toolbelt: aww <3

beauty queen: <3

hi ned!!!: wow

beauty queen: speaking of! which ones of you are going to school w him

my fav: me mj and ned

beauty queen: ok
beauty queen: take care of him thanks
beauty queen: we all know he can’t do it himself

my fav: ok!!

toolbelt: acting like I didn’t literally have to do that for 8 years but ok

beauty queen: but you’re so fragile and delicate
beauty queen: like a little bird

toolbelt: and youre so large and obtrusive
toolbelt: like a plain apartment building

beauty queen: aren’t you sweet
beauty queen: anyway it makes me feel better knowing this dork knows ppl before he goes into school
beauty queen: esp since he wasn’t really looking forward to being back in ny at all

my fav: he’s v welcome in our group :]

toolbelt: <3

Chapter Text

-Chat : leo’s house of hell-

toolbelt: who the fuck decided a school day should start before 10am
toolbelt: 10am is pushing it too

staring: adults unfortunately

toolbelt: probably gross evil corporate types who have no souls
toolbelt: no offence mr tony stark iron man sir

sir glass house:: Why do I feel like you said my name that way to mock me.

hater: bc he has no respect for anyone actually

toolbelt: wrong
toolbelt: I respect jo and emmie <3

beauty queen: he respects his lesbian moms and that’s it

toolbelt: wrong again
toolbelt: I also respect and admire the determination/stupidity of every single bug that flies into windows over and over again trying to get out
toolbelt: one must imagine them happy

my fav: why are you starting the day on such a depressing note

toolbelt: because I’m up before 12 and I am miserable abt it

the riddler: one must imagine him making good life decisions

beauty queen: that won’t happen

toolbelt: faith 🥰
toolbelt: mrs thompson made pancakes for breakfast i guess i'm winning a little

beauty queen: yay for the small things
beauty queen: you're 100% right tho 8am is too early

staring: yeah agreed

my fav: i wish it started later

hi ned!!! right. even 9 would be better

hater: schools dont think we suffer enough w/o sleep deprivation </3

toolbelt: fr

the riddler: going to school again after 5 years of not was v hard to get used to
the riddler: and I wake up early normally

hater: still don’t know how you do that

the riddler: habit mainly

beauty queen: if shel wasn’t there I’d honestly just be homeschooled instead atp
beauty queen: I’m so tired of it

toolbelt: you say that like you have any self discipline

beauty queen: literally shut up you’re worse than me

toolbelt: ableism

beauty queen: we are all adhd dyslexia whores find a better excuse

toolbelt: my genius is better put to use w cool things like dragons and death rays

beauty queen: better

staring: it would make class more exciting

toolbelt: brilliant idea

my fav: its not wait

hi ned!!! festus show and tell

my fav: ok that’s kind of funny actually

toolbelt: is show and tell still a thing in highschool
toolbelt: hell I have not had enough time in school to know any of this

staring: are you not a child genius

hater: him and Annabeth both and yet they suffer from the same failed academic schedule as the rest of our group

beauty queen: and unlike them we cannot pass classes w/o showing up

toolbelt: I haven’t actually passed anything in 7 years bc I keep running away before the years over and exams are done

sir glass house:: How did you even get into Midtown with your impressively awful lack of grades?

toolbelt: by scoring 100% on all their math related entrance exams
toolbelt: 3 times and twice under teacher supervision
toolbelt: they were so convinced I was cheating lmao
toolbelt: so hurt you have no faith in me sir mr stark iron man glass house sir dude man

the riddler: it just keeps getting worse

toolbelt: my mind is an endless sea of words to call ppl
toolbelt: and also some numbers

beauty queen: and men and robots and cringe ass emo lore

toolbelt: literally never talk again thanks <3

sir glass house:: Take your own advice.

beauty queen: LMAO

my fav: mr stark!!

toolbelt: of all the horrors I have endured this is the worst yet

beauty queen: also, as leo said, sir mr stark iron man glass house sir dude man, what do we call you so I don’t have to save that to my clipboard

sir glass house:: Tony is fine👍

toolbelt: for everyone but me and peter obviously
toolbelt: bc I need to come up w more ridiculous chains and he’s going to stick to mr stark probably

beauty queen: why is that actually

sir glass house:: He’s too respectful for his own good.
sir glass house:: Or he’s spiting me, because he hasn’t called Happy Mr Hogan.

my fav: :P

toolbelt: yeah that’s spite dude so sorry

my fav: its not
my fav: respect maybe

sir glass house:: I don’t believe that.

beauty queen: you guys have a confusing relationship
beauty queen: and I am the cabin counsellor in a camp full of neurodivergent kids I have experience w this

toolbelt: you have experience w being my friend

sir glass house:: He’s my intern 👍

my fav: I do not understand how this is so confusing

beauty queen: ..
beauty queen: yeah I wont explain then good enough

toolbelt: lmao
toolbelt: anyway would it be a bad idea to skip the first day

my fav: yes

beauty queen: yes

sir glass house:: Yes.

staring: yes

the riddler: yes

hi ned!!! yes

hater: maybe

toolbelt: ignoring the rest of you but percy what would be a good reason

hater: someone was trying to kill you or something

toolbelt: ok so if I take a detour to a police station then

the riddler: go to school leo

beauty queen: for the love of gods

toolbelt: I live to spite them actually

beauty queen: you getting through a school year would spite them

toolbelt: I don’t think I could get through one w any and all gods helping me actually

my fav: :(

toolbelt: ok fine I’ll go for you ig

my fav: :)

beauty queen: whore why cant you respond to me like that

toolbelt: bc I hate you <3

the riddler: you two need to stop being put into the same physical and metaphysical spaces

toolbelt: dude wtf why would you stop me from interacting w my closest friend :(

beauty queen: closest is pushing it but yeah who would I have to gossip w :(

toolbelt: I said my closest you can’t decide that for me wtf

beauty queen: yeah I know but yes I can

the riddler: my head is in my hands

toolbelt: made it to midtown and I’m already lost
toolbelt: eugene flash dude left me before I made it inside what a nice guy
toolbelt: I think I went the wrong way to admin

my fav: whats your nearest landmark I’ll come find you

toolbelt: I’m guessing lockers is not a good answer for that
toolbelt: uh I think theres a woodworks class here

my fav: omw

toolbelt: my hero
toolbelt: how is everyone elses school start going

hater: my guidance counsellor is being cryptic again
hater: I dont know why I got called in here at the start of the day but man just let me go to homeroom thanks

staring: drawing ppl in homeroom

hi ned!!! watching mj draw ppl bc peter isn’t here to talk to

the riddler: trying to finish up a group project bc two ppl decided to do no work and leave the entire essay writing portion to the dyslexic one

beauty queen: yikes that sucks
beauty queen: me n shel are skipping homeroom and probably math too lol

toolbelt: icons
toolbelt: tell shel I said hi

beauty queen: she says hi back
beauty queen: also she said she loved the ring and she wants to talk to you abt something

toolbelt: stop gatekeeping my number and give it to her already

beauty queen: fuck you come over here and ask yourself

toolbelt: you’re literally so toxic

staring: I’m wondering how you’re going to graduate
staring: actually most of you

hater: dude you have no idea I have to go through so many fucking trials to get accepted into this one college

the riddler: its bullshit actually and its clearly something that was designed against you specifically
the riddler: I’ve already been accepted no questions thankfully but until that starts up I’m just doing work from the other university I’m attending

hi ned!!! you’re going to go to two universties????

the riddler: yeah

beauty queen: she’s crazy smart

the riddler: <3

staring: what universities?

the riddler: going to the university of California Berkley rn and nru next year after percy gets accepted

hater: if I get accepted at this rate I hate the amt of recommendation letters I need

toolbelt: I should ask lester to write you one

hater: he owes me so

toolbelt: yeah well he owes me more after all the music lessons I give him

beauty queen: still not over that btw how the hell did you manage to give the musical prodigy music lessons

toolbelt: by inventing an instrument made for engineers
toolbelt: until he knows the first 100 digits of pi he’s going nowhere

hi ned!!! is there anything you can’t do

toolbelt: drugs bc I am a good and holy child

staring: I simply don’t believe you

toolbelt: never taken a pain killer in my life

beauty queen: we have literally done underage drinking together

toolbelt: must you spill all my secrets
toolbelt: peter found me yippee

my fav: he was at the opposite side of the building to admin

toolbelt: I literally have not been to a school in a year I forgot what they were like
toolbelt: these teachers are going to have a great first impression of me

beauty queen: wouldn’t want it any other way

the riddler: someone end me a whole bunch of the sources that someone else linked are not relevant at all and now I need to go through and refind sources for these claims

hater: oh wtf

the riddler: this is due in a few days. I already did so much of the portfolio and sketching work

staring: leave your groupmates to rot and let the teacher know

the riddler: I am absolutely doing that have already written up a strongly worded email

toolbelt: group work scares me

the riddler: I’m fully aware

hi ned!!! why ??

toolbelt: bc my work is a mess but it makes sense to me and I don’t want to decipher it so everyone else can keep up

the riddler: we worked on a project together w some of his cabin mates and when I say this dude did abt 75% of it himself

toolbelt: Annabeth did a lot of the stuff that I don’t care abt at all but the calculations and engineering was something that I was v particular abt

beauty queen: he got no sleep for weeks bc of it

sir glass house:: You kids concern me.

toolbelt: dude man iron sir guy tony don’t worry I’m still alive

the riddler: you should worry he tries his best not to be

toolbelt: WTF

staring: lol

beauty queen: yeah he’s the worst like that

toolbelt: can I never win

hater: you can win at that insane tic tac toe you get us to play

toolbelt: I’ll accept that from anyone but you stfu

staring: ????

beauty queen: leo is unbeaten at super tic tac toe except for one time where percy won somehow

toolbelt: I’ve never emotionally recovered I was doing this one strategy and he chose the only fucking move that fucks it all up

the riddler: deserved

toolbelt: you only say that bc you can never beat me at it fuck you

the riddler: fuck you for memorising every single fucking combination

beauty queen: when the two nerds start arguing over a strategy game

hi ned!!! super tic tac toe is fun tho

my fav: yeah

beauty queen: sorry I forgot I was in a chat full of nerds who go to a nerd school
beauty queen: percy gets me

hater: lmao nerds

toolbelt: you can complain abt us being nerds all you want but next time you want any help w your homework im remembering this moment

the riddler: seconded

beauty queen: consider my timbers shivered

toolbelt: you should bc I’ll convince shel not to help you too
toolbelt: and then she’ll become my best friend instead

beauty queen: why are you lesbiphobic

toolbelt: why do you think I hate jo and emmie

beauty queen: why do you hate them

toolbelt: I don’t wtf

the riddler: I take it back. never siding w Leo ever again

toolbelt: why am I the only one who ever suffers the consequences of these conversations

beauty queen: bc I am hot and you’re a hot mess <3

toolbelt: cannot take you seriously when you spent 15 minutes crying over how cute shel looked in a single photo and then swiped onto another one and started crying again

beauty queen: shut up

hater: awwwww

beauty queen: shut up
beauty queen: I told you that in confidence

toolbelt: actually you called me specifically to start crying so its more like I experienced it in confidence

beauty queen: you are the worst.

toolbelt: :3
toolbelt: omg physics I should probably pay attention to this class a little bit

sir glass house:: Would be a good idea.

toolbelt: well now I don’t want to

sir glass house:: You’re somehow worse than I was at your age.

toolbelt: ouch

beauty queen: LMAOO

toolbelt: I only know what that means in broad strokes bc I hate reading but I know its not good

sir glass house: Listen in class then.

toolbelt: fine old man

staring: least serious person

toolbelt: I try my best
toolbelt: I guess I’ll talk later shaking head emoji rolling eyes emoji

beauty queen: oh thank gods he’s gone

the riddler: finally

toolbelt: I am going to turn your font to wingdings for the rest of your life

beauty queen: leave already so we can be relieved in peace smh

the riddler: I’m good enough at coding to fix whatever he does, and if I’m not Nyssa is.

beauty queen: thank gods we have women to rely on

staring: amen

the riddler: I need to take a break from this essay I just read ‘it’s important to design houses with insects in mind’ as ‘it’s important to house insects with minds’ and now I’m thinking abt sentient bugs

staring: what is your essay abt ???

the riddler: biodiversity in architecture. roughly 3000 bugs share our living space w us and it’s important to know how to manage that so places don’t get infested but don’t try to keep all bugs out
the riddler: bc that will fail there is no way to close off every opening at all times
the riddler: I hate that spiders are one of the best pest controls there are to make sure it’s a balanced ecosystem
the riddler: it’s a little weird to consider a house an ecosystem, but that’s essentially what they are. for us and all the small things that live with us

staring: ooh
staring: I can see why you’re in university already.

the riddler: I’ve been studying architecture since 8 it works out

beauty queen: its v cute bc sometimes a monument or something will be brought up and percy will just start saying fun facts that he remembers from her talking abt things

the riddler: ive never actually expected him to remember anything
the riddler: I just start infodumping

beauty queen: to be fair you do the same thing but abt made up fish drama he invents

the riddler: he has quite the imagination for sure

staring: lmao what???

the riddler: percy loves the ocean a lot, and sometimes he’ll see a fish and start acting like its definitely talking to him and then he tells me crazy fish lore
the riddler: its v cute

hater: just like you <333
hater: off to class again

the riddler: love you <3

hater: love you too <3

beauty queen: he fr always knows whenever Annabeth is being sappy

the riddler: shut up

staring: what was some crazy fish lore

the riddler: according to a catfish who talked to an eel who heard it from a tuna a mother whale had twins

staring: good for her

beauty queen: wish her babies all the best

the riddler: agreed
the riddler: percy also says the orcas are considering bringing back the salmon hat trend but with hats they steal from fishermen this time

staring: oh???

the riddler: we have a few weeks to see if that turns out right

beauty queen: I hope it does that would be really funny

the riddler: I think percy should convince the orcas to clean up plastic in the ocean but according to him they’re notoriously little shits so
the riddler: they have sophisticated languages and cultures and all of a sudden they’re just like us and ignoring the environment

staring: they were destroying rich ppl boats tho so that’s iconic

the riddler: it is and percy said most of them were doing it for fun and to follow the trend
the riddler: I told him orcas were my favorite sea creature and he pouted and started talking about whale sharks like that’s less basic

beauty queen: I like goblin sharks bc they remind me of leo

staring: that’s funny

beauty queen: but fr I like snakeheads

staring: epaulette sharks are kind of cool bc they can walk. other than that I like wolf eels.

the riddler: percy is going to be so upset when he finds out we’re having a conversation abt fish w/o him
the riddler: he told me abt sheepfish the other day
the riddler: silly guys w human looking teeth I like them a lot

staring: that sounds so cursed I love it

the riddler: mhm
the riddler: did you know lantern fish have made it seem like there’s a fake seafloor on submarine sona in wwii

staring: no way

the riddler: there are so many of them they just collectively messed up some sona readings
the riddler: it wasn’t all lantern fish ofc but a lot of it was

staring: that’s so funny

beauty queen: I asked shel and she said she likes eels bc she likes the mystery of their birth
beauty queen: ask percy to not figure that one out we need more whimsy in our lives

the riddler: I’ve had enough whimsy for a lifetime but for you <3

beauty queen: <3

the riddler: also I know you’re skipping but why are you here michelle?

staring: class is boring and I know the material already

the riddler: ah fair enough

staring: also call me mj you guys are cool

beauty queen: sick
beauty queen: you should not let leo call you that for a month at least
beauty queen: bc its funny

staring: yeah I’m down

the riddler: I have to talk abt spiders in this essay I want to throw up

staring: why do you hate spiders so much ?

the riddler: they exist to spite me
the riddler: once they chased me while I had a broken ankle and its just solidified my hatred for them
the riddler: one of my cabin mates loves them somehow so they became the cabin spider catcher
the riddler: I have too much spider related trauma to ever gve them that sort of grace

beauty queen: ever since 10 legs 8 broken I haven’t been the same but somehow every time I’m around Annabeth I start hating spiders again

the riddler: cute poem but spiders do bite me maliciously so we’re not the same

staring: lmao
staring: does this carry over into superheroes too?

the riddler: it’s a little complicated
the riddler: from an ethical and moral standpoint literally every single person in our group knows spider-man comes out on top and we all like him for that
the riddler: from a branding and purely superficial level I don’t like him
the riddler: def a great guy considering he helps old ladies cross the road but not a favorite on vibes

staring: ok based

sir glass house:: Spider-man is arachnophobic fun fact.

beauty queen: LMAOO?????

staring: omg

the riddler: you know that immediately makes me like him more actually

toolbelt: that’s kinda funny

beauty queen: go away we were having a girlies talk

toolbelt: fuck you for the goblin shark thing btw
toolbelt: also like hell you are tony mr iron guy dude man stark sir professor doctor man just spoke

beauty queen: he’s honorary for right now just to spite you

sir glass house:: Thanks I guess.

staring: L

the riddler: L

sir glass house:: You’re still in class are you not?

toolbelt: yeah but I finished the worksheet and there’s 10 minutes left and I’m bored and better me talk here than pull apart the desk so

beauty queen: fine I guess we’ll have you back

toolbelt: yippee

the riddler: behave tho

toolbelt: I hate rules sorry

Chapter Text

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: I totally lied abt not knowing where admin was btw there was a monster so I went in a back exit and got lost

sea boy: you ok?

repair boy: completely uninjured it was just a harpy

lego builder: oh ok that’s good

repair boy: poor peter was so confused how I ended up there
repair boy: crazy how far saying I got distracted and kept walking gets me in life

ew: glad to know you’re still a liar and fraud at heart

repair boy: ofc

ew: don’t let this school distract you from our goal of hating establishments

repair boy: I’d never
repair boy: also I got shel’s number
repair boy: you don’t need to worry anymore

ew: how did you do that ???
ew: i don’t think anyone else has her number

repair boy: yeah but I remotely accessed your contacts <3
repair boy: privacy evaded as usual

ew: I’m going to change all my contact names around

repair boy: yeah well I won’t need them ever again so you’ll just confuse yourself

ew: I hate you

lego builder: what else is new

death boy: Do I even want to ask who Peter is?

lego builder: Tony Stark’s intern

repair boy: not his son

death boy: ??? Why do you guys know Tony Stark’s intern?????

sea boy: he goes to leo’s school

repair boy: way to get rid of my ego boost
repair boy: he saw festus on my ig acc and thought he was cool and now we’re in a gc

death boy: That’s an ego boost for Festus.

repair boy: I made him it counts

death boy: Whatever you say.

sea boy: whats up nico

death boy: Wanted to see what you losers were up to lol.
death boy: Waiting for my order.

repair boy: get me something please
repair boy: need more than whats in th cafeteria thanks

death boy: No🫶

repair boy: wow
repair boy: fake friends hashtag broken hearted

death boy: Hashtag yourself some money to buy your own food.

sea boy: LMAOOOO

lego builder: L

repair boy: wowwwww

ew: ask your foster family to buy you some they’re wealthy aren’t they

repair boy: dude I’m not asking ppl I met like 2 days ago to buy me fast food
repair boy: need them to buy me cooler things like weed

death boy: I’m reporting you to the cops

repair boy: gross !!!!!! nico talks to cops !!!!!!!!!

death boy: Only for you <3

repair boy: life is so incredibly relentless.

-Chat: leo’s house of hell-

toolbelt: please tell me you guys have lunch rn I think I’ll explode if I need to be on my own

my fav: yeah!! will see you there :D

the riddler: please don’t explode again

toolbelt: hater

hater: its very stressful for everyone involved

staring: what

toolbelt: you literally explode things and no one bats an eye
toolbelt: but explode one time and suddenly everyone cares
toolbelt: society

beauty queen: society generally doesn’t like you exploding things either

sir glass house: I think that’s called terrorism.

toolbelt: you all just hate queer ppl succeeding

beauty queen: I’d actually call you exploding failing

the riddler: yeah do better next time

hi ned!!!: wait so did leo actually explode?????

toolbelt: the scars on my back think so

hater: think so 💀💀

beauty queen: yeah my memory thinks so too

sir glass house: The more I learn the more I’m concerned.

toolbelt: do not want to hear shit from any of you bc its not like any of you haven’t nearly died before
toolbelt: except for you peter you’re the only exception ever <33

my fav: o_O

staring: what did I do?

toolbelt: nothing just feel like you might’ve committed a crime

hi ned!!!: ??

toolbelt: you definitely have
toolbelt: no-one wakes up and goes gm omg
toolbelt: life sucks to much for that

beauty queen: he’s being insane again don’t mind him

hater: hates mornings and takes it out on everyone else

toolbelt: i’m the crab in a bucket

staring: are we not all crabs with that analogy

toolbelt: yeah but i’m not trying to get out I’m just sabotaging everyone

beauty queen: true my life got significantly worse after meeting him

toolbelt: LMAO not even my fault it was just fate

the riddler: fate hated me before but everything got so much worse after the grand canyon

toolbelt: why am I to blame for the institutions that are harming all of us
toolbelt: one of those harms being me exploding

hater: based lets do a revolution

staring: hell yeah

the riddler: funny how leos pov on the explosion changes to suit his needs

toolbelt: yeah <3333
toolbelt: its my trauma I can weaponise it if I want

beauty queen: it traumatised me too

toolbelt: boohoo get over it

beauty queen: boohoo get over it

staring: crabs in a bucket

my fav: I feel like we brushed over that exploding part too quickly
my fav: how

hi ned!!!: yeah like normal ppl cant??? just explode ???? and live????

toolbelt: normal ppl also don’t have a mechanical dragon that can fly

sir glass house: two vastly different scenarios

toolbelts: well I was on festus when I got exploded so not really

staring:💀💀

my fav:  o_o

sir glass house: Was that the first time he blew up and then you redesigned him?

toolbelt: oh no lol
toolbelt: I was on him for that as well yeah
toolbelt: but I didn’t explode then so it doesnt count

sir glass house: I’m astounded you’re still alive.

toolbelt: you and me both

beauty queen: and me too

the riddler: yeah me as well

staring: me too

toolbelt: wow wheres the faith </3
toolbelt: this is why none of you are my favorite

sir glass house: This is so heartbreaking. I don’t know how I’ll go on.

beauty queen: why would anyone want to be your favourite

hater: in it for the free jewelry

toolbelt: im in love w you🫶😍😍

the riddler: what did I do to deserve this

toolbelt: tax fraud

beauty queen: stealing my heart <333

hater: idk maybe its karma for shoving me off a cliff

the riddler: i knew you’d be ok <333

staring: is there any context for that
staring: at all.

toolbelt: I think this is just a weekly occurrence for them dw

hater: actually only happened a few times

beauty queen: now that’s surprising

sir glass house: What the fuck is wrong with all of you

toolbelt: language sir mr tony sir dude
toolbelt: and in my good Christian household too
toolbelt: what would jesus think
toolbelt: god almighty

hater: sinner….

staring: praying for you tony

sir glass house: I need it to get through this chat.

beauty queen: whats worse litreal aliens or a couple delinquent kids
beauty queen: if you guess wrong you die
beauty queen: btw

toolbelt: you see if I met an alien id simply tell them to fuck off back to mars and get out of my free country 🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥💥💥

hater: hell yeah💥💥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔛🔝

the riddler: if it was intelligent maybe they’d make good replacement for my group mates
the riddler: the only thing between them and a 9 step plan ruining their lives is the pile of work I need to do before the deadline and my last bit of goodwill

beauty queen: theres no sabotage without self sabotage get their asses

sir glass house: Do you guys know any normal, sane, well adjusted person?

toolbelt: yeah frank probably
toolbelt: hazel kind of but she’s not quite adjusted

staring: frank?

hi ned!!!: frank?

my fav: frank?

sir glass house: frank?

the riddler: frank?

beauty queen: frank?

toolbelt: frank?

hater added frnkzhng and hazel.levesque1920

hater: frank?

hazel.levesque1920: frank?

frnkzhng: frank?

toolbelt changed frnkzhng’s name to frank?

toolbelt changed hazel.levesque1920’s name to ms stone

frank?: is this the chat leo trauma dumped in?

hater: yeah

my fav: yeah

sir glass house: Unfortunately.

frank?: makes sense. any reason in particular I’m being added now?

toolbelt: we were talking about normal sane well adjusted people

ms stone: how sweet😄
ms stone: I don’t think either of us really apply.

the riddler: compared to leo

frank?: the bar is lower than hell

toolbelt: ok your lterally lactose intolerant id rather be fucked up than that

frank?: could be worse. you could be both

toolbelt: mind blown…. much to think about….

ms stone: ???

beauty queen: ^ me whenever leo says something

the riddler: ^

sir glass house: ^

frank?: ^

staring: ^

toolbelt: all haters. all fun hating soul despising haters.
toolbelt: go outside and experience whimsy

staring: is whimsy being blown up?

toolbelt: lmao yeah

frank?: oh you’re all aware of that already

beauty queen: I don’t know how considering leo is famously very reserved and secretive. must have had some real empaths around to get that out of him

toolbelt: yeah actually theres a lot you guys don’t know about me
toolbelt: only unlockable through unskippable dialogue
toolbelt: but to be fair a lot of information was actually revealed by other ppl….

beauty queen: in my defence it was funny

toolbelt: ur failed 3 month anniversary was also funny but no one else knows abt that

beauty queen: and thye better not or no one else will know where your body is <3333

toolbelt: threat on my life…. guys are you seeing this

ms stone: she doesn’t mean it🙂

the riddler: it’s a little deserved

toolbelt: victim blaming
toolbelt: I do so much for you all…

hater: compensation for everything you put us through probably

toolbelt: heartbreaking

ms stone: we still love you <3

toolbelt: <333

the riddler: don’t encourage him

frank?: yeah he doesn’t need it

toolbelt: that’s what teachers and foster parents and doctors told each other whenever I did anything

the riddler: kill them.

beauty queen: ^

frank?: ^

ms stone: ^

toolbelt: wow. who’s the well adjusted one now

staring: still not you lmfao

hater: still frank

the riddler: or peter, mj or ned I assume

frank?: who’s who

staring: michelle

ned!!!: ned :)

my fav: peter :]

frank?: got it

toolbelt: michelle are you really normal
toolbelt: you don’t have have that vibe at all
toolbelt: one n person to another you can be honest

staring: I think anyone looks normal compared to you
staring: or half the people in this chat

hater: I feel targeted

toolbelt: me too

beauty queen: L

hater: your no better

staring: all she’s done is bully leo that’s normal in my books

toolbelt: she met me at a delinquent school because she stole a car
toolbelt: and then she ran away from delinquent school w me
toolbelt: and then was also w us for Europe
toolbelt: frank and hazel were there too but still

beauty queen: all normal compared to you

toolbelt: piper really said if you have trauma your a weirdo freak

beauty queen: just you <3

hater: and you are a weirdo freak
hater: but piper is too

beauty queen: big talk from another freak

toolbelt: but the real question is michelle are you alsoa  weirdo freak

staring: not by your standards💀💀💀

toolbelt: vibes are SO off

beauty queen: yeah

staring: have you considered maybe your vibes are off…

hi ned!!!: mind blowing

my fav: no but mj you so are the weirdest of us

staring: not taking that from a guy who interns for a superhero billionaire

toolbelt: leave peter alone
toolbelt: he is normal
toolbelt: we should all strive to be like him

staring: what about that position is normal

toolbelt: 0 dragons

hi ned!!!: makes sense

my fav: got you there

staring: feel like I’m going insane

toolbelt: admitted it yourself….

beauty queen: you can tell him to shut up mj

the riddler: we’d all support you

frank?: he doesn’t get told it enough I think

toolbelt: pretty sure its half of what you say to me whenever I start talking but sure

frank?: yet you’re not quiet

toolbelt: 😨😨😨

beauty queen: where you silent…. or were you silenced….

ms stone: neither for long

toolbelt: know me so well

ms stone: for what its worth I don’t think any of you are normal
ms stone: which isn’t a bad thing☺️
ms stone: I don’t really get whats going on though
ms stone:😓

toolbelt: you are so right hazel
toolbelt: settled the debate for us
toolbelt: we’re all weirdo freaks <3

ms stone: not freaks

hater: just weirdos

beauty queen: in case you haven’t noticed I’m weird.i’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in . have you ever seen me without this hat. that’s weird.

staring: yeah ok

sir glass house: This chat makes me feel 40 years older than I am.

toolbelt: you feel like you’re 100 years old???
toolbelt: start going on walks in the morning

sir glass house: I’m not 60 and if I take life advice from you I’d die tomorrow.

hater: could’ve fooled me…

toolbelt: me also…

staring: and me….

sir glass house:😐

toolbelt: its a bad look to only bully the ex homeless foster kid and not the billionaire
toolbelt: equality 🦅🦅💥💥

frank?: I’m surprised they haven’t bullied you more tbh

toolbelt: me or him?

frank?: both

toolbelt: I have suffered more than jesus

frank?: be more like him?

toolbelt: what and die because I hate to break it to you

ms stone: no.

beauty queen: no.

the riddler: no.

frank?: no.

hater: no.

my fav: no.

toolbelt: yeah I’m banned for life

frank?: I meant better yourself😭

toolbelt: you guys make it seem like I cant take care of myself and im constantly close to dying
toolbelt: I am a survivor first and foremost
toolbelt: like a little rat
toolbelt: cockroach even I could probably survive a nuclear blast atp
toolbelt: cant get rid of me that eays

beauty queen: you are very similar to a cockroach that makes sense

toolbelt: what the fuck is wrong with you

Chapter Text

-Chat: leo’s house of hell-

beauty queen: awful news I’m attending a gala thing for dad
beauty queen: throwing up shaking crying

toolbelt: oh no
toolbelt: invite me as a plus one I’ll get us kicked out

beauty queen: please
beauty queen: was thinking of bringing shel and kissing her there
beauty queen: but I think the freak men im worried abt wouldn’t take the hint

staring: they’d probably think its real life fanservice

beauty queen: exactly ://

staring: whats the gala for?

beauty queen: its like a film festival thing
beauty queen: not open to public v exclusive anyway I hate it but I promised my dad id go

toolbelt: you should get coach to go
toolbelt: he’d probably kill someone if they were being weird

beauty queen: great idea

hi ned!!!: who’s your dad??

beauty queen: a popular enough actor

sir glass house: Tristan McLean?

beauty queen: well I wasnt going to say it but yeah

hi ned!!!: like ???? the guy who was in king of sparta????

beauty queen: don’t remind me
beauty queen: could not go anywhere w/o seeing a shirtless poster of my dad
beauty queen: my own personal hell

toolbelt: my heaven <3333 tell him he looks pretty for me

beauty queen: stop trying to flirt w my dad weirdo

toolbelt: that would be my personal hell

my fav: your dad is Tristan mclean????

beauty queen: be normal abt it tony starks intern

staring: who cares abt either of them
staring: are you the same person who got in trouble for punching justin hammer????

sir glass house: Good. Fucker deserves it.

beauty queen: I would’ve punched elon musk too if security didn’t get to me first

staring: that’s sick as hell
staring: coolest person in this chat officially

beauty queen: if Annabeth got to go to these events she’d probably make them publicly humiliate themselves
beauty queen: and then beat them up <3

the riddler: no I wouldnt💀💀
the riddler: I cant get away w it is the difference

toolbelt: you have at least 17 ppl to break you out of jail <3

the riddler: I know
the riddler: more worried about the lack of job opportunities afterwards
the riddler: because unlike you I do think ahead

toolbelt: ouch

beauty queen: put me as a reference they’ll need to hire you after that
beauty queen: too convincing for my own good
beauty queen: tragic really

my fav: did you convince yourself out of assault charges too lmao

beauty queen: oh no officer I didn’t think I hit him that hard
beauty queen: he startled me
beauty queen: im not really that strong :(
beauty queen: I didn’t know he was super fragile :(((

staring: 💀💀💀
staring: and it worked???

beauty queen: dude you have no idea

toolbelt: if it were anyone else in the friend group they’d be arrested immediately

beauty queen: yeah perks of being rich and hot

sir glass house: Amen to that.

toolbelt: rich ppl…..
toolbelt: how many more parasites are in the chat….

frnk?: leo be nice challenge

toolbelt: id sooner shoot myself <3
toolbelt: also says another rich person

beauty queen: focus your mean energy on how to make this gala enjoyable

toolbelt: kill a man

beauty queen: good idea

my fav: not a good idea

toolbelt: yeah you’re right peter
toolbelt: why the fuck would you kill someone piper
toolbelt: whats wrong w u

beauty queen: you’re the worst
beauty queen: you know that right

toolbelt: ueah
toolbelt: anyway just get drunk or something idk
toolbelt: actually bad idea

the riddler: yeah bad idea

hater: very bad idea

ms stone: leave immediately

beauty queen: great idea
beauty queen: think it would make my dad sad tho

toolbelt: what if I let you take bufford

beauty queen: so he can carry my snacks?

toolbelt: no I’ll put him in hedge mode

beauty queen: oh my gods yes please

my fav: who is bufford?
my fav: and whats hedge mode?
my fav: wait isn’t that your table

toolbelt: yeah
toolbelt: he projects a little coach hedge and yells a lot
toolbelt: hedge was one of our teachers at a wilderness school
toolbelt: used to get us to run 10 miles a day
toolbelt: rest In piss miss that guy

hi ned!!!: oh I’m sorry for your loss :(

the riddler: he’s still alive

toolbelt: in our hearts

beauty queen: fly high
beauty queen: I can still hear him yelling at us w his megaphone

toolbelt: moo goes the cow

the riddler: his wife literally works for pipers dad
the riddler: he just doesn’t babysit the lsoers anymore

toolbelt: it was more than babysitting
toolbelt: I don’t expect you to understand
toolbelt: maniac w a bat. gone now remembered forever

my fav: ?????

beauty queen: no one left to call us cupcake and make us run 10 miles

the riddler: hedge had a kid and is now being a father instead of a teacher

beauty queen: its truly tragic
beauty queen: me and leo could take care of chuck instead
beauty queen: we’d be such good parents

toolbelt: exactly. look at how festus trned out

sir glass house: Blown up twice?

frnk?: do not let those two near a child

beauty queen: low blow
beauty queen: we literally babysit all the time

toolbelt: im the defacto big brother of an entire shelter of homeless kids
toolbelt: who’s going to break it to them that I cant see them anymore bc frank said so

beauty queen: wtf frank…..
beauty queen: why would you do this…..

toolbelt: yeah.
toolbelt: and Harley and Georgie too
toolbelt: sorry guys :( frank said im the worst person ever :(

frnk?: when I’m in a making shit up competition and my opponent is either one of you

toolbelt: skill issue

beauty queen: so real

staring: who would win between you two

toolbelt: me

beauty queen: me

toolbelt: I said it first must be true

beauty queen: if its true then its not made up

toolbelt: yeah then I guess I wouldn’t win

the riddler: do paradoxes count as making shit up

staring: why not

the riddler: I mean their entire thing is being contradictory but maybe true
the riddler: which is not really made up

toolbelt: must made up things always be fake

hater: yes.

toolbelt: but I can say something is made up of other things
toolbelt: checkmate liberal

the riddler: being made up and being made up of are two different things

staring: yeah ofc adding another word can change the meaning of something

toolbelt: you cant even make real things up anymore
toolbelt: because of Woke

frnk?: I’m sure you learnt what the word ‘of’ meant in english
frnk?: self described genius and all

toolbelt: yeah for math </3
toolbelt: the only thing english ever did for me was make me hate school even more
toolbelt: and remind me im worth less than every other kid so

ms stone: English sucks

beauty queen: amen

hi ned!!!: so true

beauty queen: math sucks too tho

toolbelt: you would think that
toolbelt: loser

beauty queen: you are such a nerd

the riddler: yeah but math > english any day

my fav: agreed

hi ned!!!: agreed

toolbelt: agreed

sir glass house: Agreed.

toolbelt: with ur grammar youd think youd love english
toolbelt: nerd

hater: so true get his ass

sir glass house: Are you capable of agreeing with me or will it actually kill you?

toolbelt: I do agree but ur a nerd anyway <3 <3 <3 <3

the riddler: leo making fun of you is a sign he doesn’t hate you good job
the riddler: I don’t think he’s ever been nice to anyone straight away

toolbelt: my favorite person in this chat is literally peter u r so wrong
toolbelt: and my favourite person ever is festus heart emoji I’d never be mean to him

frnk?: you blew him up

toolbelt: no I ddidnt
toolbelt: he blew up while I was around
toolbelt: but that wanst my fault
toolbelt: so not my fault

hater: careful peter
hater: leo has a talent for blowing things up

beauty queen: or trying to
beauty queen: like w camp that one time

staring: yeah
staring: what else?

the riddler: half the things he makes

toolbelt: slander
toolbelt: its more like 38%

frnk?: that’s so much better

toolbelt: and none of them are like
toolbelt: big explosions

hi ned!!!: except for camp that one time I’m guessing

toolbelt: that never exploded doesn’t count

sir glass house: You inspire so much confidence.

toolbelt: you inspire hypocrisy

beauty queen: he’s also said he’d blow up jail to get me out

the riddler: me also

hater: yeah and me

frnk?: wow leo you haven’t offered this to me

toolbelt: like youd break the law
toolbelt: doesn’t coutn haven’t blown up a jail yet btw

frnk?: I could break the law

toolbelt: sure you could

frnk?: i definitely could

toolbelt: yeah like. by jaywalking. going to Singapore and chewing gum

frnk?: I don’t like gum that much actually

my fav: so not even that

staring: yeah I feel like this hypothetical jail is pretty safe

hater: leave frank alone its not his fault hes the best of us <3

ms stone: yeah <3333

frnk?: ??? I could commit a crime
frnk?: why are you all acting like I cant

ms stone: sure sweetie.

sir glass house: Didn’t all of you violate international law by crossing borders illegally?

frnk?: exactly
frnk?: wait.

toolbelt: hypothetically if festus could fly us over then yeah
toolbelt: good thing the government and by extension military has no idea he can do that

staring: its actually insane how easy going you are about this

toolbelt: eh
toolbelt: I admitted that like a week ago or something now
toolbelt: surely mr tony iron stark man dude would have done something abt it by now

sir glass house: Yeah I’m going to sue you. Obviously.

toolbelt: youll get the pocket money mrs Thompson has been giving to me to make me feel like apart of the family
toolbelt: hope your happy stealing from an orphan
toolbelt: freak

sir glass house: I’m delighted actually.
sir glass house: I’ll use it to buy a cheeseburger.

toolbelt: wtf
toolbelt: parasite….

beauty queen: no that’s iconic actually
beauty queen: sorry leo
beauty queen: taking tony’s side this time

toolbelt: you are so fake
toolbelt: criticise capitalism all you want until you get to bully a foster kid
toolbelt: weirdo

beauty queen: mmmm cheeseburger

hater: yeah cheeseburger

toolbelt: not you too
toolbelt: also piper you are literally a vegetarian

beauty queen: hm yeah
beauty queen: good point

staring: but it was never about the cheese burger

the riddler: I’m fine with stealing leo’s money as long as it goes to me

toolbelt: my money or ‘my’ money
toolbelt: bc I have bad news about one of them

my fav: did your allowance get taken away?

hi ned!!!: did you spend all your money no festus?

toolbelt: no festus cost me nothing
toolbelt: scavenging works wonders kids

hater: so it was your allowance then…..

toolbelt: yeah… but it wasn’t taken away

hi ned!!!: ??

toolbelt: heh. did you know in gambling
toolbelt: you can win 2000% of your money
toolbelt: but you can only lose 100%
toolbelt: . do the math

beauty queen: as discussed earlier I hate math

hater: yeah me too
hater: gambling also

the riddler: I like poker

toolbelt: me too

ms stone: guess why they like poker

staring: they count cards

hater: yeah

my fav: I was going to say poker face

hater: that too

the riddler: I don’t count cards

toolbelt: neither

the riddler: you cant prove shit

frnk?: sure. we all believe you

the riddler: not my fault youre easy to read
the riddler: you always focus on your cards very hard for a moment and then try very hard too be nonchalant

toolbelt: and you try staring down ppl on their turn
toolbelt: but the second someone goes all in you fold immediately
toolbelt: even when you have a good hand

the riddler: and piper is always super theatrical until she has a winning hand and then she’s forced theatrical

beauty queen: how the fuck do you tell the difference

toolbelt: easily
toolbelt: you try gauging reactions
toolbelt: you spend a little longer considering what you’re going to say
toolbelt: more careful about moving your hands
toolbelt: you usually put your elbows on the table and lean forwards instead of back
toolbelt: but that switches up sometimes

the riddler: leo is the only one aware of his tells apparently
the riddler: the rest of you are barely trying

staring: I did not expect that

my fav: its not surprising
my fav: actually id think percy would be better

hater: I don’t play w them
hater: if I did I’m sure Annabeth would read me anyway

beauty queen: yeah he gets put on music duty
beauty queen: bc otherwise leo is the default speaker guy and he made us listen to ironic country and weird al once

hi ned!!!: no that’s good actually

toolbelt: that’s what im saying
toolbelt: they were not impressed that I could do an instrumental cover of hardware store by myself

my fav: how do you even do that ?????

the riddler: it was w the instrument he invented
the riddler: and he had some tools set up to turn on w drum pedal things

my fav: isn’t there a sawing in it??

toolbelt: at the start before the normal instrument part
toolbelt: I mean I took some creative liberties

hi ned!!!: yk I forgot you’ve made an instrument

toolbelt: thanks I wasn’t thinking when I made it

sir glass house: Feels like you could say that about anything you’ve made.

hater: LMAO

beauty queen: no I can vouch
beauty queen: that guy has not had a single thought in his life

toolbelt: ive had many thoughts wtf

staring: name one

toolbelt: currently thinking this is fucked up

frnk?: do another one

toolbelt: that youre a bitch idk

the riddler: leo has thoughts
the riddler: just like
the riddler: too many at a time
the riddler: they functionally cancel out

toolbelt: wtf

beauty queen: yeah like negative x negative or something

toolbelt: my thoughts all are negative that makes sense

hater: we know

toolbelt: yeah I cant think of a single happy memory
toolbelt: they all suck

beauty queen: hey now wtf
beauty queen: what about us getting drunk for the first time

toolbelt: we literally cried for an hour straight

beauty queen: it was a bonding experience

toolbelt: gross…. why would I want to bond w you….
toolbelt: throwing up

hater: what abt Olympia

toolbelt: before or after we almost died

my fav: what

hater: during

toolbelt: yeah that was kinda fun ngl

staring: ??

frnk?: it was not

hi ned!!!: any context at all????

ms stone: oh no popcorn! our fatal weakness !

hater: die romans

toolbelt: kill like you mean it

staring: are they insane or something

the riddler: probably
the riddler: I didn’t go for that one

beauty queen: neither
beauty queen: they said id be too divisive

frnk?: I went
frnk?: it was not fun

my fav: what was it?

toolbelt: well I wanted a participation award and I didn’t get one

hater: yeah same

ms stone: me too

frnk?: head in hands

ms stone: you wanted one too frank you bought it up

staring: for what???

frnk?: fight to the death competition

hi ned!!!: WGAT?????

sir glass house: Excuse me?

toolbelt: no one died calm down
toolbelt: literally threw a popcorn bomb at them

hater: I threw that

toolbelt: same difference we were on the same team
toolbelt: and I made it

ms stone: yeah we weren’t going to kill each other
ms stone: just needed to act like it for a while

staring: no that’s so fucked what
staring: and you count that as a positive memory???

hater: well I mean we didn’t die

toolbelt: yeah
toolbelt: and the popcorn bomb was really funny

frnk?: didn’t both of you almost die
frnk?: like you were the closest to nearly dying

toolbelt: it was just a few horses I could take it

my fav: no you could not
my fav: we have all met you

toolbelt: mr tony dude guy hasn’t get

sir glass house: I know you’re 5’2.

toolbelt: IM NOT

my fav: not quite

the riddler: lol

toolbelt: I hate you so much
toolbelt: you’ve done so much damage to my reputation

frnk?: you damaged that yourself
frnk?: also 5’2 sounds right

toolbelt: you are a freak whos height is a statistical anomaly shut up

beauty queen: yeah no 5’2 is probably correct

toolbelt: we are the same height wtf is wrong w you

ms stone: leo isn’t 5’2

toolbelt: THANK YOU

ms stone: if I went along w this he’d call me 4’7 so in my own self interest

toolbelt: it would be 4’10 actually
toolbelt: 4 inches

staring: maybe you are 4’10 bc I’ve seen leo and he’s definitely 5’2

toolbelt: wtf

hi ned!!!: well I mean if everyone agrees

toolbelt: harassment
toolbelt: targeted
toolbelt: probably homophobic

hater: I mean im bad at math but if even the nerds are saying it

toolbelt: IM THE NERD AND IM NOT????

hater: conflict of interests

toolbelt: im going to conflict my interests in Indiana and never talk to any of you again
toolbelt: except hazel
toolbelt: and peter
toolbelt: and festus is coming w me

beauty queen: you cant do that to me
beauty queen: I already spent so long away from him

toolbelt: shouldve thought about that huh

my fav: does this mean me and hazel can visit festus and no-one else

toolbelt: yeah

my fav: oh hell yeah

ms stone: yay

frnk?: wtf

ms stone: sorry frank 4’10 and 6’3 just doesn’t work
ms stone: that’s over a foot

toolbelt: yeah simple math
toolbelt: also ive literally blown up before wtf do you mean you don’t think I could survive some horses CMONNN

Chapter Text

-Chat: Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium-

loser: peter where are you

geek: he said he had to go do something

loser: not during acadec
loser peter you just left this chat on seen i know you saw this

nerd: sorry!!! i’ll bekdhfdj

loser: you’ll what?

nerd: be there soon

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: spider-man just crashed into flash’s car lol

horse girl: who’s flash?

repair boy: real kid of my fosters

horse girl: oh.

repair boy: anyway spider-man right
repair boy: he was fighting this lizard looking guy
repair boy: thought it was a monster for a while
repair boy: no just experiment gone wrong
repair boy: or something

sea boy: awful mistake to make

repair boy: well i didnt do anything abt it                     
repair boy: and spider-man is up and fighting again
repair boy: class is NOT going on i fear

-Chat: Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium-

loser: nvm peter stay where you are
loser: ofc theres an attack during acadec

geek: spider-mans already here
geek: maybe we’ll still get to do it

nerd: yeah bc i will make
nerd: hold on

loser: he couldnt type two more letters but had time to two words???

geek: he had to be polite abt it

loser: checks out

nerd: it*

-Chat: world enders-

lego builder: i wonder if supervillains will become a go to for the mist

repair boy: what if it helps mortals see through the mist

horse girl: that probably wont happen
horse girl: they know norse ‘gods’ like thor exists
horse girl: but as aliens     
horse girl: they probably will not believe greek and roman gods have children who run around killing monsters

repair boy: since when have you been a superhero expert
repair boy: i didn’t even know thor was an alien

horse girl: i looked into it bc i thought it might mean the mist would weaken
horse girl: its going to hide us more
horse girl: monsters less
horse girl: probably
horse girl: dont know really

lego builder: yeah wasnt there a bunch of chitauri sightings after the invasion               
lego builder: which the ones i saw in videos and things were all monsters

sea boy: no more chihuahua chimera :(

horse girl: well people dont want to see aliens so they’ll see non aliens first
horse girl: maybe
horse girl: this is all kind of new territory

beast boy: that makes sense
beast boy: although can’t we be mutants or whatever?

horse girl: not sure
horse girl: also superheroes who deal w weird things first hand might start to see through it?
horse girl: its difficult to say when crossover hasn’t really happened yet

repair boy: i'm sure mr iron man will be happy to help with this scientific research

horse girl: lets not

lego builder: i just hope it doesnt make our lives harder
lego builder: the battle of manhattan happened a few week before our first war
lego builder: probably why they didn’t question the property dmg

ew: the existence of mutants and mutates makes the entire keeping gods a secret thing easy at least

repair boy: so realasjdh

ew: why the keysmash

repair boy: LIZARD

ew: ?
ew: leo???

lego builder: theres no way a villain ignores spider-man to go after leo right

ew: knowing his luck there is

-Chat: leo’s house of hell-

beauty queen: @staring @my fav @hi ned!!!
beauty queen: are any of you near leo rn?

staring: no why

beauty queen: he’s near the fight w spider-man and the ? lizard?

staring: oh shit

beauty queen: he said lizard in all caps before and hasnt replied since

staring: he’s not anywhere near us

hi ned!!!: i can try getting into the school camera systems

frnk?: you can do that?

beauty queen: please try

the riddler: where’s peter?

hi ned!!!: he should be on the other side of the school
hi ned!!!: his last class and acadec are on that side

the riddler: check for him anyway

toolbelt:: villain attacking a school is crazy work btw

beauty queen: JFC
beauty queen: where are you

toolbelt:: shit one second

hi ned!!!: leo is really fast
hi ned!!!: theyre outside now
hi ned!!!: i dont understand why its chasing leo instead of fighting spider-man

the riddler: leverage maybe
the riddler: mightve realised its a fight it cant win

hi ned!!!: oh leo just slid under some cars

toolbelt:: hell yeah i did

hi ned!!!: dude ur cool as hell how are you actually dodging this thing

toolbelt:: you get the hang of it after running from cops
toolbelt:: if this thing doens’t leave me alone istg

the riddler: get out of there man

hi ned!!!: yeah he’s running again
hi ned!!!: spider-man has swung him up to the roof ok

toolbelt:: thank the gods
toolbelt:: i was about to steal a car and drive into it

beauty queen: are you ok?????

toolbelt:: yeah

staring: what even happened??

toolbelt:: it got its ass kicked and broke through the wall of my classroom
toolbelt:: i was unlucky enough for it to focus on me

staring: and you ran outside???

toolbelt:: well if i ran inside it mightve killed someone else in my class
toolbelt:: and im decently fast

hi ned!!!: i think you should join track and field

toolbelt:: and fear for my life every day
toolbelt:: absolutely not

the riddler: how are you feeling ?

toolbelt:: annoyed mainly

hi ned!!!: ANNOYED???

toolbelt:: i have a dragon man
toolbelt:: big lizards arent that scary

sir glass house: Your dragon doesn’t want to kill you.

toolbelt:: he did when i first met him
toolbelt:: i won him over with my winning personality and charm

sir glass house: I doubt that.
sir glass house: Any injuries?

toolbelt:: do you count pride?

sir glass house: I wasn’t aware you had any.

toolbelt:: WTF
toolbelt:: oh fights over
toolbelt:: guys you’ll never guess who won

frank?: spider-man

the riddler: spider-man

beauty queen: spider-man

sir glass house: Spidey.

staring: spider-man

toolbelt:: well i was going to say the power of friendship because isn’t that what lifes all about

hi ned!!!: it was spider-man

my fav: is everything ok now?

staring: where have you been??

my fav: in lockdown
my fav: i was passing by the chemistry labs before
my fav: had to run something to the office

staring: are you ok?

my fav: yeah well i wasnt near anything

toolbelt:: skill issue

staring: why did you stop replying??

my fav: you know how Mr Cobwell is about phones :(

staring: good point

ms stone: was anyone hurt?

toolbelt:: i didnt see anyone
toolbelt:: guess we’ll find out later

beauty queen: i just want to know why it targetted a school

the riddler: if there was anything behind it
the riddler: couldve been a coincidence

beauty queen: i thought you wouldnt believe htat

the riddler: it would be stupid to rule it out

beauty queen: damn ok
beauty queen: annabeth is NOT for the conspiracy girlies </3

toolbelt:: i thought we all knew that was percy in their relationship

the riddler: he’s not into them either
the riddler: i think we know its you

toolbelt:: i’m into conpiracies that are actually real
toolbelt:: like the government being fucked

staring: real asf

toolbelt:: do you guys think that teachers are going to realise i’m on the roof

my fav: probably
my fav: i mean spider-man put you there

toolbelt:: yeah but imagine all the admin stuff they have to deal with

staring: i imagine they’ll be sending everyone home

toolbelt:: oh
toolbelt:: thats normal??

hi ned!!!: yeah

toolbelt:: weird

my fav: not really

sir glass house: Standard procedure really, the school has to deal with law enforcement as well as property damage.

toolbelt:: huh.
toolbelt:: last time i was in a lockdown we jsut went right back to things

staring: yeah but that probably wasn’t a monster thing

toolbelt:: good point
toolbelt:: oh yeah flash’s car got destroyed
toolbelt:: lmfao

beauty queen: as you said

sir glass house: No empathy at all, wow.

toolbelt:: if you feel bad buy him a new one yourself

sir glass house: Funny.
sir glass house: I don’t.

my fav: that sucks

toolbelt:: i’m sure he’ll get a new one as soon as insurance is dealt with

staring: mr harrington just told us we’re getting sent home
staring: to tell our parents

toolbelt:: anyone have a ouija board

staring: or guardian

toolbelt:: damn
toolbelt:: flash will probably do that
toolbelt:: i’m going to stay here for a while

hi ned!!!: guys did we want to go get icecream

toolbelt:: oh hell yeah nvm
toolbelt:: coming down rn

my fav: sounds good

staring: yeah sure

beauty queen: homophobic you’re going without me btw

toolbelt:: grow up

beauty queen: says the shortie

toolbelt:: you think i’m a shawty😍😍

beauty queen: reported for harassment
beauty queen: dont contact me again

toolbelt:: with pleasure

hater: wtf happened

toolbelt:: attack on my life
toolbelt:: very harrowing
toolbelt:: i’ll survive thankfully

hater: dude??

the riddler: ignore him he’s fine

toolbelt:: this is a very trauamtic experience for any normal person

the riddler: which you are not

toolbelt:: yeah lol

hater: and now you get school off too?
hater: lucky

toolbelt:: so true

my fav: leo we're going to meet up by the front entrance

toolbelt:: omw

sir glass house: I think you should recommend your friend therapy.

the riddler: its been recommended to all of us

beauty queen: knowing leo he’d just abuse therapy speak for a while and take nothing on board

toolbelt:: thats really toxic of you

beauty queen: exactly what i mean

toolbelt:: what?
toolbelt:: i didn’t do anything?
toolbelt:: you literally sound crazy rn
toolbelt:: lol

beauty queen: dont try to gaslight me

toolbelt:: look who’s abusing therapy speak now….
toolbelt:: hypocrite….

beauty queen: i hate you so much

toolbelt:: peace and love

beauty queen: go enjoy your icecream nerd

toolbelt:: will do o7

-Chat: dragonguyargo, theflash101-

theflash101: where are you?

dragonguyargo: getting icecream with some people lol

theflash101: dude you can’t just leave without telling anyone

dragonguyargo: relax man I’m not running away
dragonguyargo: I’m getting icecream and then I’ll walk to the house

theflash101: have you even texted mom if you could???

dragonguyargo: corpses don’t use phones silly <3

theflash101: what’s wrong with you

dragonguyargo: dude you don’t like me
draongguyargo: why do you care if I self sabotage this or not

theflash101: whatever.
theflash101: you’re an entitled dickhead

dragonguyargo: you know theres this saying about pots and kettles you might be interested in

theflash101: fuck you

Chapter Text

-Chat: world enders-

repair boy: if he didnt hate me before flash totally hates me now
repair boy: maybe making a joke about my dead mother was too far for him
repair boy: or maybe i make him insecure bc i’m way cooler

beast boy: i think its the first one

repair boy: hm no i think its the second

ew: you’re not cool tho

repair boy: ☹️
repair boy: uncalled for
repair boy: but that says more about him

beast boy: yeah it does say a lot

repair boy: whats that supposed to mean

beast boy: i wasnt aware someone could be more of a loser than you

repair boy: ok so you think my family who left me to rot is cooler than me thanks frank

beast boy: not what i meant

repair boy: i know 😁😁

beast boy: i dislike you

repair boy: how sweet 😍
repair boy: but yes frank i will marry you

beast boy: what

horse girl: aw how sweet.
horse girl: can i be the flower girl

beast boy: what

repair boy: you can be whatever you want hazel

horse girl: yay

beast boy: i’m not marrying leo ever

repair boy: break my heart

horse girl: mine too
horse girl: i was looking forward to being flower girl

ew: yeah and i would have been leo’s best man

repair boy: says who

ew: like you have any other friends

repair boy: uh

-Chat: leo’s house of hell-

toolbelt: @my fav will you be my best man

my fav: what????

toolbelt: i’m marrying frank

ms stone: i’m the flower girl

beauty queen: dont you fucking dare peter

toolbelt: piper this is my decision

beauty queen: after everything we’ve been through?????

my fav: what?????

beauty queen: you’re not allowed to have another best man

toolbelt: annabeth is going to be your maid of honor thats not fair

beauty queen: i’ll have two maids of honor idc

toolbelt: not good enough

sir glass house: You’re like 16 you cant get married.

toolbelt: 17 now

frank?: I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY LEO

toolbelt: cmon darling this tsundere act is getting tiring
toolbelt: tony “iron man” stark you should be the priest guy. your rich i bet you can marry people

sir glass house: I cannot.

toolbelt: eh figure it out then

frank?: i will not marry you

ms stone: i think it’s cute when you’re all flustered😊

frank?: dont encourage him????

ms stone: but its cute

toolbelt: yeah

my fav: i’m so confused
my fav: but yeah i’ll be your best man

beauty queen: WHAT THE FUCK

my fav: sorry piper you snooze you lose

toolbelt: amen

the riddler: have you forgotten that weddings have been banned because of last time

toolbelt: this time will be different

the riddler: no it wont

my fav: last time?

the riddler: some guy at camp tricked another guy into a huge fake wedding but the wedding documents were legal
the riddler: the divorce process was long and messy

hater: camp civil war

toolbelt: me and frank are from different camps

hater: given recent history that makes it worse

toolbelt: you just hate to see love win

frank?: i dont love you??? i dont want to get married?????

toolbelt: …
toolbelt: you wound me…….
toolbelt: i knew it was too good to be true

staring: i’m so sorry for you

toolbelt: this is what i get for opening my heart up to love again
toolbelt: i’m sorry peter…
toolbelt: looks like you cant be my best man after all

beauty queen: you deserve this

my fav: its ok. i can be your best man in spirit
my fav: we can do a star wars marathon to cheer you up

toolbelt: you are really insistent on that
toolbelt: after mrs thompson is less upset w me lets do it

my fav: YEAHH!!!
my fav: wait why is she upset w you

toolbelt: didnt tell her were i went after school was cancelled
toolbelt: and flash snitched abt me talking abt my mother

hi ned!!!: why would that get you in trouble??

toolbelt: bc ppl dont like orphans i think

sir glass house: Yeah that might just be a you problem.

toolbelt: pretty sure more ppl hate you than me and thats very impressive

sir glass house: You know about 10 people.

toolbelt: you wish loser
toolbelt: anyway she might actually feel sorry for me so maybe i can get out sooner anyway
toolbelt: i already gave up on flash liking me lol

my fav: it will be SO good i promise you wont regret it

toolbelt: waiting in suspense

beauty queen: you might regret showing leo
beauty queen: watch it by yourself theres no point getting close to that traitor of a man

toolbelt: jealousy isn’t a good look love <3

beauty queen: i cant believe i’m not your best friend

toolbelt: who said that i’ll beat them up

beauty queen: why am i not ur best man then

frank?: because we are not getting married oh my gods

toolbelt: best man isn’t best friend
toolbelt: i’d never compare you to a man ur better than that

beauty queen: yeah i am but how am i meant to make a stupid speech for you

toolbelt: its my wedding you should be saying nice things anyway

beauty queen: well i cant do either of them now

my fav: back off i’m making the nice speech

beauty queen: what the fuck

frank?: there is no wedding

ms stone: :( i was looking forward to throwing petals around

beauty queen: you better not be trying to take my bff status peter

my fav: and what if i am

beauty queen: @hi ned!!! look at this shit

hi ned!!!: peter….

my fav: i cant believe you piper

toolbelt: piper thats fucked up

hi ned!!!: leo you homewrecker
hi ned!!!: and peter….
hi ned!!!: i’m heartbroken

beauty queen: i know right
beauty queen: its ok ned we can be bffs instead
beauty queen: i wont just replace you

my fav: wth

toolbelt: i cant believe this
toolbelt: after everything piper

beauty queen: this is your own fault

hi ned!!!: yeah me and piper are victims
hi ned!!!: apologise rn and i’ll consider forgiving you

toolbelt: ykw
toolbelt: peter you are my bff now
toolbelt: sorry not sorry piper

beauty queen: idc ned would never betray me like this

toolbelt: yeah and peter wouldnt betray me like this

my fav: ned wtf
my fav: i guess leo is my bff now

hi ned!!!: if thats how its going to be

my fav: apparently so…..

staring: what is wrong with you all

the riddler: who knows at this point

Chapter Text

-Chat: leo ’s house of hell-

toolbelt: homelander vs iron man who wins quick

the riddler: iron man

beauty queen: iron man?

staring: iron man

my fav: iron man

sir glass house: Me.

ms stone: who

hi ned!!!: iron man
hi ned!!!: and its not close

toolbelt: homelander is a a dark reflection of what superheros would be like if created by capitalism to benefit capitalism etc etc i’m too lazy to explain
toolbelt: ok so now homelander vs captain america

the riddler: uh. i want to say cap.

hater: i mean maybe homelander? i think it would be closer

hi ned!!!: no cap wins for sure

sir glass house: What is this even about?
sir glass house: And Steve probably, he’s beaten worse than Homelander.

my fav: no i think homelander has a chance
my fav: he’s stronger based on what we know
my fav: caps biggest advantage is his shield and knowing how to fight
my fav: so he’ll probably win
my fav: queen maeve could hurt him through pure skill even tho he was way stronger than her
my fav: and caps shield would make homelanders lazer eyes a non issue

toolbelt: see how its a much closer fight
toolbelt: now homelander vs spider-man

beauty queen: you are such a nerd

toolbelt:i love hypothetical battles
toolbelt: personally i think spider-man
toolbelt: there was that one time he held a ferry together right like thats cool as hell
toolbelt: i think it beats homelanders feat of throwing a fighter jet
toolbelt: which isnt even a show feat
toolbelt: i also think spider-man is faster

hi ned!!!: yeah spider-man wins for sure
hi ned!!!: low diff
hi ned!!!: what do you think peter

my fav: i mean i think spider-man would probably win

toolbelt: definitely would

beauty queen: how much of this is fueled by your hate of homelander

toolbelt: i cannot stand blonde men anymore
toolbelt: there was one good one
toolbelt: actually there’s another bc i like thor
toolbelt: wait leon kennedy
toolbelt: ok so mabe theyre not all bad

beauty queen: glad you sorted that out

toolbelt: i need homelander dead
toolbelt: superman parody more like the worst man ever documentary
toolbelt: clark kent wouldnt be caught DEAD wearing a padded suit
toolbelt: loser

staring: real and based

toolbelt: thanks
toolbelt: who wins homelander or festus

hater: festus

the riddler: festus

ms stone: festus

beauty queen: festus

frank?: festus

my fav: what are festus’s feats

toolbelt: that he’s 50 tonnes and 25 feet long and breaths fire

hi ned!!!: homelander is fireproof

toolbelt: he wont be after i’m through w him

hi ned!!!: what

toolbelt: lets just say no oven will compare to festus if it means that guy is gone forever

sir glass house: Good thing he’s not real.

toolbelt: why do you hate fun
toolbelt: who wins homelander or me w my machines slash inventions

beauty queen: homelander

toolbelt: festus counts as one of my machines btw
toolbelt: WTF
toolbelt: youre the last person who should be siding against me….

beauty queen: neds my best friend actually so i can do what i want

my fav: i think you’d win leo

hi ned!!!: yeah homelander wins

toolbelt: peter youre invited to festus’s birthday
toolbelt: ned and piper you can go be losers together instead

beauty queen: thats not fair he’s literally my son

toolbelt: fuck off he’s my son
toolbelt: i dont see you getting drench in oil digging out a nut that got loose
toolbelt: and you get the ratio of his tabasco sauce to oil wrong

beauty queen: BECAUSE YOU WONT TELL ME WHAT HE LIKES

toolbelt: no-one told me i just figured it out….

beauty queen: fuck off you can talk to him i cant

toolbelt: clearly only one of us loves him enough to understand

beauty queen: i hate you
beauty queen: also i cant believe youd do that to ned who’s been nothing but kind to you

toolbelt: yeah but he was mean to peter and i have to stand up for my bff

my fav: yeah true he did unbff me

hi ned!!!: peter i cannot believe you

sir glass house: Am I invited?

toolbelt: yeah but only bc i think itll piss off piper

beauty queen: FUCK YOU

staring: what about me

toolbelt: yeah sure

ms stone: when’s festus’s birthday

toolbelt: march 20th

beauty queen: march 20th

ms stone: ok i’ll make sure to visit
ms stone: tell him hi for me

beauty queen: will do

toolbelt: tell him i say hi too

beauty queen: absolutely not

toolbelt: willingly hurting festus’s feelings to get back at me… real mature….

beauty queen: come say hello yourself then if your such a dedicated father

toolbelt: maybe i will and while i’m at it i’ll tell him i told you to tell him things and then when he realises you purposefully withheld that he’ll hate you and never want to talk to you again

beauty queen: you suck

hater: why hate when we can love
hater: why doesnt everyone just celebrate festus bc i think he’d prefer that

toolbelt: ok hater….

the riddler: you’re all ridiculous

toolbelt: rude
toolbelt: ok iron man vs batman

my fav: iron man

hi ned!!!: batman

staring: iron man

my fav: in what world does batman beat iron man ned????

hi ned!!!: dude have you read a batman comic he’s pure plot armor
hi ned!!!: he’s beaten superman before

my fav: w kryptonite bc superman becomes weaker than the avg person around it
my fav: flash could beat supderman if he got some

hi ned!!!: yeah but thats the point batman always has contingencies
hi ned!!!: or like even his hellbat suit

my fav: is iron man not also known for contingencies….

sir glass house: You can call me Tony you don’t need to keep saying Iron Man.

toolbelt: i think iron man but specifically bc i think batman is detective first superhero second and thats how it should be
toolbelt: like yeah with hellbat he’d win but there’s a reason hellbat isnt a consistent part of his kit
toolbelt: base batman vs base iron man means iron man wins

sir glass house: What the hell is base Iron Man?

toolbelt: iron man on a regular day keep up

my fav: base just means normal and without a plot convenient upgrade

sir glass house: I’m a real person how can I be anything but base??

toolbelt: holy shit he used two question marks
toolbelt: cracking his proper grammer…

hi ned!!!: i think batman with preptime beats him

toolbelt: if batman gets preptime then so does iron man

my fav: exactly

toolbelt: iron man wins moving on

hi ned!!!: i dont agree

toolbelt: too bad
toolbelt: wonder woman vs captain america

hi ned!!!: wonder woman

toolbelt: wonder woman

staring: wonder woman

the riddler: wonder woman
the riddler: that ones not even fair cmon

toolbelt: yeah but it was getting to man dominated i needed to give the women something
toolbelt: #feminism
toolbelt: 6’1 btw

beauty queen: 6foot 1 inch below the ground more like it

toolbelt: i can be if you want

beauty queen: youre not allowed to make those jokes

toolbelt: all you do is hate….

frank?: isnt captain america like a strategic genius

toolbelt: do you think women are stupid answer quick

frank?: no?
frank?: what does that have to do w anything there’s a difference between being a woman and being a strategic genius??

toolbelt: are you saying women cant be strategic geniuses? really? w annabeth in chat?

hater: how could you say that frank….

frank?: i didnt???????

staring: wonder woman is a trained warrior through and through she can handle her own in a fight
staring: she’s immortal and has been fighting longer than him
staring: even if you say she’s less tactically skilled she’s overall far stronger and has way more stamina and durability
staring: not to mention better equipment bc like his shield her bracelets are invincible and also she has a lasso that can hold anything
staring: she also lasts against superman and i’m sure we wont kid ourselves into believing cap could win against superman

toolbelt: wonder woman stan in chat
toolbelt: amen
toolbelt: ok hawkeye vs green arrow

my fav: this could go either way
my fav: the most evenly matched hypothetical fight ever

frank?: hawkeye

toolbelt: you’re jsut saying that because he’s your favorite

frank?: yeah and?
frank?: i bet you only said iron man won against homelander bc he’s your favorite

toolbelt: no i said that bc 1 iron man has better feats 2 he’s smarter and 3 i hate homelander

sir glass house: You’re so sweet.

toolbelt: you dont need a bigger ego

frank?: you are his favorite btw i am not lying about that

toolbelt: shut up

frank?: <3333

ms stone: does this mean the wedding’s back on?

frank?: we are dating hazel please stop encouraging leo

toolbelt: why dont you love me :(

frank?: you try talking to yourself

toolbelt: ew no i’d kill myself

beauty queen: leo

toolbelt: IM JOKING
toolbelt: gods cant even be a normal amount of funny self deprecating anymore
toolbelt: ok thor the avenger vs thor the god from mythology

the riddler: huh
the riddler: i mean. i think myth thor has to take it
the riddler: if nothing else because we know myth thors feats and we dont know if real thor has actually done them
the riddler: we do know real thor was able to take on a whole lot of aliens but we dont have anything close to him lifting the world serpent
the riddler: but because myth thor is based on real thor maybe he did

toolbelt: well chances are even if he did the myth hyperbolized it anyway which would make myth thors feats better despite being based on the same thing

the riddler: yeah good point
the riddler: the only thing is myths are super inconsistent
the riddler: and myth!thor uses gauntlets to weild his hammer as well as he does
the riddler: i’m not sure if that means anything considering he’d still have his gauntlets for it

beauty queen: myth!thor 😭😭😭

toolbelt: yeah
toolbelt: ok who wins captain america or annabeth

the riddler: 🙄

toolbelt: i think annabeth
toolbelt: mostly bc i’m scared of her
toolbelt: like the idea of being in a fight against her
toolbelt: i think captain america would be nicer to me than her

the riddler: he hasn’t talked to you for more than 3 minutes
the riddler: at all actually
the riddler: he’d probably see you and feel sorry for you

the riddler: more grace than you’d give me….

hater: i think annabeth bc i support her no matter what and i think she can do whatever she puts her mind to

the riddler: i think captain america would because i am a normal person who isnt a super soldier and knowing self defense does not make me super soldier beating material

beauty queen: i think annabeth bc cap will for sure drop dead after realizing he’ll never be as cool or as cunt

hi ned!!!: i think cap but bc he’d give you some lecture about how you need to turn your life around

my fav: that hasnt seemed to work w all his psas

hi ned!!!: yeah but imagine it in person

toolbelt: cassandra cain vs captain america

beauty queen: why are you focusing on captain america so much

toolbelt: i dont know i think its funnier

hi ned!!!: uh. i think cass probably
hi ned!!!: he has his shield and a strength advantage but she’s insanely good at fighting
hi ned!!!: he probably could figure out how to beat her body reading and everything

toolbelt: yeah but like she did defeat shiva twice
toolbelt: and she can at the very least match batman in a fight and batman has the same amt if not better fighting ability than cap
toolbelt: like i think the only issue would be the shield but i think cass wins
toolbelt: unless its new 52 cass
toolbelt: she loses 

hi ned!!!: yeah real

toolbelt: saitama vs goku

hi ned!!!: goku

my fav: saitama

the riddler: goku

frank?: goku

staring: saitama

hi ned!!!: the only reason people say saitama wins is because they imagine feats he could do instead of use actual feats

my fav: the point of saitama is he’s stronger no matter what i dont think it matters

hi ned!!!: no the point of one punch man is to say you need to struggle to achieve things otherwise its all meaningless
hi ned!!!: its not to make a character who can beat goku

my fav: yeah but we’ve literally never seen him struggle
my fav: not even when he wiped out a whole punch of stars after serious punching^2 w garou

hi ned!!!: WITH garou

my fav: who he wasn’t trying to kill because he promised that kid

hi ned!!!: ok so him holding back ON A FEAT HE DIDNT ACCOMPLISH BY HIMSELF BTW doesnt even matter because it still doesnt come close to goku feats

staring: yeah but saitama can beat him in one punch anyway lol

the riddler: or maybe goku would be a fight he can actually struggle in
the riddler: this is literally the most pointless hypothetical bc either you take a gag character seriously or you ignore the gag

toolbelt: personally i think spongebob wins but whatever

the riddler: you are the problem

toolbelt: yeah thats what everyone tells me