Chapter Text
The thing Leo wanted noted for the record, for posterity was that his plan did not fail. Was the being chained and collared and dragged to a meeting between war bands part of his initial checklist when he spotted these guys? No. Was he working with it? ABSOLUTELY. ‘Failure’ implied a level of completeness that his current plan had not yet reached. ERGO. Not failed.
…The gag was annoying, he would maybe add that to the record, yeah.
They’d tried cloth at first, because they’d thought it was FUNNY to use his mask on him. When he spat that out along with the guy’s finger they’d gone looking for more substantial solutions. (Biting the guy’s finger off totally SOUNDS badass, but it meant he was left with the taste of blood and dirty skin in his mouth, which; GROSS, and it wasn’t like they were going to waste water on him…)
So now he had on some kind of belt buckled between his teeth and another strapped around his muzzle so he couldn’t chew. The one between his teeth was an addition after he spent twenty minutes humming ‘the song that never ends’, and it was unfortunately effective at keeping his mouth juuuust open enough to dry it out. The (for lack of a better term) ‘skirt’ they had replaced his pants with was definitely… something. Something between a loin cloth and a high school dress code violation, a little TOO diaphanous to be used for everyday, and it wasn’t even his color!! He was maskless and IN THE WRONG COLOR, it was torture!
…at least these guys had the sense to emphasize his thighs, it was nice when people noticed your good traits.
They had him kneeling in front of a rustic cabin sitch while the cat lady that looked him over like she was weighing out how many people he’d feed went to get her boss. Leo was still trying to get ahold of his face over cabin. Like… with wood. And it wasn’t some Statement, because they were currently in a clearing surrounded by trees! And not saplings nursed along in a greenhouse until Donnie was ready to plant them in soil he’d been testing for eight months prior OH NO these were OLD trees. A whole forest of middle fingers to the sky that was a hazy blue instead of Krang red. The plan list had slid down to C. Find out who THESE guys are and why we didn’t already know them when the rusticy door opened-
Hellooo, mister boss guy sir…
The cat lady’s boss was a white rabbit… yokai? Mutant? Oh, he had a pair of samurai swords tied to his waist and walked like he knew how to use them (rrraow) so yokai it was. (There may still have been the occasional oozesquitos flicking around, but they hadn’t made it as far as Japan) The post-apocalypse fashion trend was doing Leo a favor by showing off the guy’s WHOLE chest and all the muscles he clearly used to swing those swords around.
The dude holding Leo’s chain (washisnamsomething weird… Icepick? Chillaxe? But that was a halberd) Hal bowed to the hot rabbit dude giving him the stankiest eyeball and started in with his spiel of lies and half truths while Leo did his best to look sad and rescuable. Plan C now had a parallel Plan D- That guy.
Usagi was not in the mood to deal with Hailfang’s group even if he had been on duty; but Hailfang was barely respectful to Tomoe Ame when he was there, so this was the fastest way to be rid of them.
“Illustrious sir,” the coyote yokai was doing his bowing and scraping routine, and unfortunately since he had someone on a chain, Usagi couldn’t afford to tune him out. “I’m so terribly sorry at the tone of our last parting. So before we take our leave of your band’s hospitality, I offer you THIS,” a flourish of the chain, the turtle- ah. Gagged as well. Lovely. “We found him snooping around the southern hills and he had no token of yours to prove he was not stealing.” He bowed and offered the chain to Usagi, “there are many punishments such a thief is deserving of, but we leave that decision to your wisdom… and pleasure.”
Usagi carefully weighed the moment of satisfaction he would get seeing Hailfang’s head and hand fall to the ground against the lecture Tomoe Ame would give him about killing people when they were on hospitality EVEN IF THEY DESERVE IT, USAGI.
With a mental sigh, he accepted the end of the chain, doing his best not to treat it like a chunk of krang slime. “I’m flattered you thought of me. If that concludes our business-“
“As long as you don’t want to take up our patron’s offer of an alliance along-“
“The answer is the same. Travel swiftly, Hailfang,” Usagi tugged as gently as he dared on the chain, “come on, up.” The turtle visibly startled- the first sign he was conscious since Usagi came outside -and started to struggle to his feet. This was the part where Usagi realized he didn’t have his hands tied behind his back. Oh no. He had his one (1) arm cranked up in a way Usagi knew was intentionally painful, and the other ended in a long-healed stump just above where the elbow would be.
It was exasperating.
So of course the man had no leverage and very little in the way of balance, and of course he was taking a moment to get his feet properly under him, which is the exact moment Hailfang snarled, “he said get up , shit for brains!” and kicked the back of his shell, sending the turtle sprawling forward.
Usagi didn’t see how he landed, his concentration was taken up with not pressing Young Willow hard enough into Hailfang’s throat that he cut the coyote’s carotid artery.“My good sir,” it was less of a fight to keep his voice pleasant than he anticipated, “do you intend to hand me a gift and then damage it?” Hailfang made a strangled noise rather than shake his head. “That would be… extremely ill-mannered of you.” Usagi stepped back, flicking the drop of blood off his blade and sheathing it. “Don’t let me detain you.”
He turned his back on the scrambling group, only to find the turtle man up on one knee, watching him. There was a scuff on his face, but otherwise he seemed unharmed, which was good; bad enough they had another mouth to feed without him needing medical care as well. “Can you stand?” Usagi asked, and discovered that they were only of a height if one were counting Usagi’s ears. “… good. Come on.” He had to pick up the chain again, telling himself it was to keep the turtle from tripping.
Tomoe Ame was one tilted mouth corner away from a grin, so Usagi cut her off before she could say anything. “Could you come back here with Kitsune in about fifteen minutes?”
“Not even taking twenty for yourself, tono?” She only grinned wider at the ‘you are not in the least bit funny’ look he leveled at her and saluted. “Fifteen, check.”
The turtle followed Usagi placidly through the hallway of the main lodge to the large room that was his by dubious honor of being the scariest face to show to outsiders and therefore nominally in charge. He dropped the chain almost as soon as they were through the doorway and kicked the door just closed enough that no one could peer in without it actually shutting.
“Right, let’s get all that off. You’ll have to-“ the turtle promptly fell to his knees again, head lowered. “-lean. Over.” The straps around his snout first; Usagi stepped around to the turtle’s back after pulling the belt out of his mouth to give him a moment to work his jaw and tongue without being stared at. There was a cotter pin connecting the wrist manacle to the collar, and Usagi was grateful he didn’t have to wait for Kitsune to get there to pick a lock on top of everything else. The noise the turtle made when his arm fell out of its position was… it was relief and Usagi was letting the whole situation get to him, that was all.
The collar had a buckle at the back of the neck, and the turtle kept his head lowered while Usagi wrestled with the stiff leather until he could pull the whole thing free and away. “ There , thanks be to- you can get up if you want, you’re not a prisoner here.” Usagi tossed the collar towards the door with a grimace and wiped his hands on his pants. “I’m the… are you alright?”
The turtle had his head tilted, a pleasantly vacant expression on his face, the way his eyes tracked Usagi’s the only sign he was… there . “Oh yes… any way you need me, sir.”
Usagi took two hurried steps backward, shit that was the opposite way to the door, hands up and waving, “KITSUN-!”
The turtle’s face creased into an evil grin, “naaaaaahh, just fuckin’ with you, babe. But really, do I have to suck your dick to get some water or what?”
Okay okay okay- SO. Look; Leo didn’t ACTUALLY want to fuck with a guy who was way into the ‘can’t say no’ thing.
More than once.
But - and this part was totally off the record, right? His family was weirdly enmeshed before the sky opened up and rained down murderous pink slime, and there are SOME things you wanna keep TO yourself and FOR yourself and NOT have to lay out in small words for your brothers and see the dawning horror of comprehension in their eyes before everyone grabs for brain bleach right?
Where was he.
Oh yeah, on his knees, but the hot rabbit wasn’t into that. Pity.
THE THING WAS, Leo knew what disassociation felt like; the month where they thought Raph was dead for real was basically a gray blur in his head from the moment the last of Metro Tower collapsed to Raph punching through a wall like a giant, red sun bringing all the color back into life again.
(Apparently he made some Leader Decisions during then; hell if he remembered what they were)
The fuzzy warm feeling in his head when rabbit dude tugged his leash and pulled his collar off? Not that.
This was a lot like being in a simurgh pouch in the Before Time; warm, safe, and a little squishy. So sue him if he wanted to chase that high!
Unforch for the warm fuzzies, there’s a time and place, and the horrified look on bunny boy’s face was funny and okayyeah reassuring … but not great for a direct lead in to fun times.
Plus they had maybe ten minutes till the cat lady came back with Kitsune, and Leo was good but it would be a tad obvious.
“Water. Yes, there’s-“ rabbit dude had a pretty good impression of ‘guy who totally isn’t putting distance between himself and the weirdo turtle’, “the pump is over here-“
“You guys have plumbing ?” another point to bunny; he stopped the elbow he was about to throw when Leo appeared over his shoulder. “DUDE. Where’s the water from?” Rain was NOT always safe, which was a step up from ‘actively trying to kill you’ three years ago.
“The aquifers,” bunny squinted at him as he worked the pump handle (abs AND biceps, this was a direct attack-) “…weren’t you coming here for water?”
“What? Oh, nahnahnah, I ran into those guys when I was coming down from Pennsylvania, I’ve never heard of you guys which is a little weird, all things considered…” Leo trailed off, hoping Mr Rabbit would fill in the gaps. He handed Leo a cup of water instead. “-and I still don’t know your name.”
“Oh- right, Miyamoto Usagi. You were traveling alone?”
“Celebratory road trip, baby! I’m usually more ‘ well-armed ’ than this… eh? EH?”
Point to Leon, that was a SMIRK. “And you met Hailfang north of here.”
“Yeah,” Leo stopped waving his half arm to concentrate on the water - good water, clean water, tasting like minerals not heavy metals, and not the complete lack of taste it got when Donnie ran it through fifty different filters. Nice . “They were doing like… survey stuff? Around where the Ohio River still sorta is, and I asked what they were doing- nicely! -and they were NOT very nice about-“ ooooooh, Miyamoto Usagi looked hot when he was fuming mad.
“…I see. Could you pin the area on a map?”
“Could give it a shot, sure.”
“I appreciate it.”
There was a loud knock on the door then, and a fake throat clearing, “Usagi? It’s KITSUNE and TOMO-“
“Come IN, Kitsune,” Usagi’s annoyed face was also hot, Leo made a note, “I needed you to check something. This is-“ Usagi stopped as he turned back towards Leo, face blank.
“Leo’s fine,” Leo flopped onto the floor, being a head and a half taller than everyone else was starting to feel awkward, “I’m the boss’s new concubine.” He finished off his water. It really WAS good, maybe they’d let Donnie check their filter setup.