Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Stede was used to failing. It was the main thing he’d done for some forty years, after all. Disappointing people was practically his unofficial job, along with not being the man his parents expected him to be, or the man his father demanded he become, to follow in his footsteps in his business, that he should be grateful he had such opportunities in his life, to be set up to be successful.

He didn’t turn out to be successful at running his father’s company after he died, to follow the general trend of failing horribly at anything he was expected to be good at. His employees found him incompetent at best and at worst obnoxious, oblivious, and annoying. He’d never been liked much in his life, but being hated so openly was utterly demoralizing. It didn’t help that he predominantly worked with the same people who’d bullied him some years ago.

He later failed utterly at being the man his wife expected as a husband, too, that was due to no one telling him that men were… an option in the dating pool.

He thought he could eventually learn to love her, but the issues with that were fundamental.

He only realized that small problem when he’d stumbled upon some very convincing porn that led to a lot of childish researching, and then he kept the revelation to himself until the lack of romantic affection became… obvious, and felt, to Mary, quite pointed. She suggested couples therapy, which Stede went along with, insides wracked with guilt, until their first session, where it only got to so what brings you both in as Stede blurted out the words “this won’t work out, I think I’m gay.” Not his finest moment, but also, oddly, not his worst. He did very nearly end up crying as the therapist agreed that, yes, that problem was pretty serious between them, that plenty of people figure out their sexuality later in life than one would assume, gently suggested he try one on one sessions and put a pamphlet into his hands about how being gay was natural and fine. He knew that, obviously, but he also knew his marriage imploding was his fault, and they had two kids, and he had fucked up not knowing sooner that he wasn’t attracted to women.

Mary had the patience of a saint, helping explain the situation to the kids with him, leaving out the just found out he was gay issue for the most part, just saying it was an issue between them, as grownups, and it was never their fault they were separating, and that they’d still see their father, just… in a different place, and not living with them. They’d likely see other people, eventually, because adults sometimes don’t stay in love (or start a marriage in love, or not even have the chance to date and fall in love) and it’s normal and again no one’s fault, which then seemed like it was for Stede to hear just as much as it was for the kids.

He tried to not let it bother him, because Mary also said to him directly that it was fine, and that plenty of people figure it out later in life, which he’d heard already, about a dozen times. It didn’t make him feel any better, he didn’t like being part of plenty if it felt that damn lonely.

Custody was handled easily, Stede got an apartment alone with space for the kids when they visited him every other weekend, and it went smoothly, as smoothly as a divorce could possibly go. They ended up as almost friends, when the dust settled, which was nice.

But Stede was still sort of lonely. He did and didn’t want to date, inexperienced and socially inept as he was, it was bound to go badly. He was sort of adrift for a handful of very scary months, stress eating too often for it to be considered just an episodic issue and he was unable to sort through his feelings. He started therapy on his own then.

He realized after that another upsetting truth. He could do without having more of those for a while, but he recognized that he’d sort of never done anything that was solely selfish. Everything he’d done was what was expected, marry a woman, have kids, be successful in business without failing utterly, the last one which he didn’t manage to do, but tried incredibly hard at doing. He really didn’t know what he wanted. He said as much in a session with his therapist, who said it was normal, considering his circumstances.

That was when his therapist had asked what he wanted to do, if he had any particular hobbies that he liked but never pursued, and something came up.

Baking.

He absolutely loved it when he was young, pestered his mother with questions about anything and everything, including about what she was making, but it made his father furious. He got punished when he got caught watching her work after the first time he was told it wasn’t a man’s job to pay attention to that kind of work, especially if he liked the idea of it. He was meant to run the business in a decade or so and was meant to act like it, to be tough, not baking, or doing women’s work.

Nevertheless, Stede said he liked to bake when he was young but doubted he still had a knack for it, since it was more science than art, and a skill one could probably lose over time. His “homework” at the end of that session was to find a recipe or a box mix of something he wanted to make, and make it, as a test run for the hobby.

He decided on trying to make a cinnamon loaf cake, he had Shockingly, he didn’t burn it and it was delicious. Was it the most helpful outcome for his unfortunate stress eating habit? Not really, but it was great bread, so the point didn’t matter.

His therapist saw how his eyes lit up when he explained how it went and was thrilled for him. He’d asked then what he could do about that hobby, and what he may want to do with his rediscovered passion, if he wanted to pursue it more fully as work or just have it exist as something he liked doing in his spare time, and Stede thought it over, and made a very rash decision.

He rationalized it by thinking ‘midlife is the perfect time for a good crisis’ and decided then to try his hand at running a bakery, eventually, when he figured out what his real skills were.

It sort of took up a lot of time, considering a midlife crisis of opening a business on his own and then actually going through with it all. If he already wasn’t exactly enthusiastic to attempt dating after the one (and only) relationship he’d ever had that led to a divorce, he definitely had an excuse now that he was too busy to date, preoccupied with everything else in his life too.

The bakery itself, when he opened it, was called The Sweetest Revenge. He called Mary with the news, because frankly, he had no one else to call. She was happy for him, at least, not concerned he was being erratic, thankfully. Also, she didn’t ask what the name meant, which was nice, because it was an embarrassing play on words in reference to his own past issues with his bullies, and explaining the name always made him feel childish and embarrassed.

He was pretty successful, surprisingly, even if he was completely inept with nearly every aspect of the business besides being polite to even the assholes, and making good food that people liked. Stede eventually needed to hire someone to help out, picking up the slack when needed, and keeping him on track with the work. Lucius applied and was hired within a week, and seemed trustworthy enough, if a little blunt.

He’d figured out Stede was hopelessly single and sort of newly out just about instantly and eagerly took on his dating life (and utter lack thereof) as a challenge. He’d tried relentlessly to set him up with every guy he could find who was age appropriate, and each time Stede shot the options down. He’d tried getting him to try dating apps, because in his words “it’s not that bad don’t look so annoyed about it, it’ll go fine, please, just try it, a hookup may relax you a little.”

Dating apps were not for him. Most methods of communication honestly weren’t, and Stede didn’t want a hookup, as often as he chided his employee on calling it that, especially during work hours, since he was his boss, and it was inappropriate to talk about that during their work hours. He wanted a real relationship, someone he could let the children around, someone to live with, and just enjoy life with, not to just have sex once and leave. He tried explaining the situation to Lucius, but he was stubborn on the point that he could set his profile to that setting, find like-minded guys, and that his particular mindset for a type of guy and relationship existed.

Stede wasn’t so sure. Besides, he was so busy, constantly, and modern dating (Lucius scoffed every time he called it that, which kind of made it more fun to call it that) was just… not his scene, he wasn’t into the rules it all involved. It seemed complicated, honestly, be interesting but not that interesting but don’t be boring, take enough time to reply that you seem interested in them but not immediately to look desperate… it was too much to learn. His business took most of his time anyway, so really, he could settle for being single a while longer. It was lonely, isolating, felt pitiful, but he could eventually be happy with being alone, and not slightly envious of Lucius’ relationship with his boyfriend Pete, who he absolutely loved.

He’d stewed on the topic for hours, settling finally on one point. Maybe his life wasn’t a cheesy romantic comedy, but it would honestly take the perfect guy for him walking directly into The Sweetest Revenge for him to ever consider even—

Before he could finish the thought and end the loop of self-pity for the day, the cheerful jingling of the bell on the front door made him snap to attention.

The customer who came in was… attractive, to say the least. He was handsome, in a rugged type of way, if he could get slightly too romantic about a total stranger. He had long dark hair, sort of a graying salt and pepper, some of which was pulled up and off his face. The man’s build was solid, as Stede’s brain noted, befitting his type, on an embarrassing and automatic note. He was wearing a leather jacket, too, as Stede then noticed he had tattoos peeking out from under the jacket sleeves, a few spilled out onto his hand. It looked like a snake head and a star on one hand, and the other had a large spider. Interesting choices if one had to pick something to ink into one’s hands permanently. Honestly, this dark-haired man was the exact type of guy his parents would’ve pulled him away from, hissing about how he should never even think about talking to him. It was the long hair, tattoos, piercings, and the general vibe that he was not their kind of person, which was reductive and relied on stereotype for a guy he’d not even talked to—

“Hello!” the dark-haired man greeted, snapping Stede out of his staring.

…Right. Polite greeting for the customer, not stare at the customer like an idiot for five minutes, completely forgetting how to talk, and making the poor guy try to start the interaction on his own. I’m so lucky I’m my own boss, I’d fire myself instantly for that one... he shook his head to clear it and hoped his usual greeting wouldn’t be completely incoherent. “H-er, welcome, what can I get you?”

The man watched him, evidently aware of the way he’d flustered him in one word and looked very amused about it. The cocky half smile on his face was even more endearing. “That’s a really hard question.”

Stede watched the incredibly handsome man glance at the pastries in the case and try to decide. He wanted to at least offer to help him, and it’d make him stop silently staring at the poor guy so rudely. “Doesn’t have to be just one thing, and I can help you out, I do happen to know what’s popular here.”

“Sorry, yeah, what’s popular? Too many options to choose between.”

“I hear it a lot. It’s alright, honestly. Lot to choose from. I made a batch of orange cranberry muffins earlier, same with the pumpkin bread that people usually like, chocolate anything is usually a winner… I put some chocolate croissants out this morning, too, I personally like those… I’m not helping, am I?”

“Not really, mainly I like sugar, that’s the problem I’m dealing with right now. I don’t think there’s anything I don’t like.”

“I get told this place is pretty dangerous for a sweet tooth.”

“I bet you do. This stuff all looks great.”

“So. Decided yet?”

“Almost, I want to try that pumpkin bread and the chocolate croissants sound good.” He glanced over the display again, asking what some things were and deciding what else he wanted. He stopped after a bit and picked out two more things. He looked embarrassed, above all else.

“Was that all, or did you want anything else?” Stede asked, cringing internally, knowing the man would say something terribly self-deprecating once the words left his mouth. If only I knew when to shut up.

As if on cue, he chuckled nervously. “Think so. If I get more, I’ll be kinda embarrassed with myself, so…”

“No shame in liking a treat every now and then,” Stede said, bagging up what he asked for.

“You’re in the business of talking people into it, though,” he retorted.

He figured he could confide in the guy, he seemed like he’d be nice about it, or at worst just assume he was lying. “I’ve been known to sneak some things from the display every once in a while.” It was a perk of being his own boss, no one in his ear saying he shouldn’t eat the stock.

“Maybe next time I come in, I’ll bring myself to try more of your suggestions.”

“Already planning for a next time, I appreciate that.” Impulsively, Stede slipped a slice of banana bread into the bag. It wasn’t like it’d hurt his profits or anything, it wasn’t even like he minded, and the guy was looking to try things. Besides, people with allergies noted those if they were looking for something specific. It was an innocent “mistake”, was all. He let him pay and handed the bag over.

“Thanks. For helping me decide, by the way.” He grinned sheepishly, taking the bag from Stede.

“Thank you, it was fun, I usually don’t get to make suggestions like that, much less have someone take my advice. I also hope to see you again.”

“If it’s good, you’ll definitely be seeing me again,” he replied, before leaving the bell jingling again, and brought his sole employee walking up behind him as soon as the door was closed.

“Who was that guy?” Lucius asked.

“I don’t know. He’s new, he may come back if I played my cards right.”

Lucius studied him, trying to read the situation off his expression alone. “You really want him to, don’t you?”

“From the business perspective, I like having regulars. It’s how you get paid, I’ll add.” He tried going a little harsher than necessary, to push him away from prying. He did not need to know about…

“I didn’t mean that, I meant you like him, as in you want to go out with him. You talked to him like I’ve never seen or heard you do before. I figure it means he’s someone special.”

…The crush he had on the guy he barely even met. Stede went slightly pink in response. Trying to keep anything from him never worked. Stede had him as his employee for a good while, and he never could lie to him or try to reprimand him worth anything. At least he could transcribe recipes and handle customers he knew would be slightly too terse with him. This routine was a small price to pay for his help.

Lucius grinned like a satisfied cat. “I got it in one. Ha! You’re crushing!”

“I am not. I just met him for starters, and it doesn’t matter if he’s gorgeous or—” Stede shut his mouth as the word came out. Gorgeous. It was true, but unprofessional.

“Or that you joked with him, and totally like him?” Lucius finished.

“Hey! You don’t even know if he’s… you know.” Stede grimaced.

Lucius shot him an exasperated glare. “Come on. That can’t be why you’re not allowing yourself to have a crush on him. He could be. Anyone could be, gay people do exist, Stede.”

Lucius was right. Two examples were standing behind the counter, talking to each other. Sure, one was a bit of a late bloomer, but he still counted as gay.  Then, there were probably more examples with the multiple probably regularly texting the social butterfly he employed, including his boyfriend, Pete. The total could be at least four, including the man who came in, almost certainly more than just that in the general area. “Still,” Stede protested.

The glare darkened. “Still what? You need to have something in mind before just saying that.”

“Still, it’s strange to ask a guy you just met if he happens to like men. It’s rude,” Stede said.

He crossed his arms. “To you it sounds rude. To most people who aren’t you, they’ll think you’re maybe a little weird, but you don’t know until you ask, especially to save yourself the months of pining over a straight guy who doesn’t like you back. All you gotta do is ask. Just say ‘hey I’m Stede what’s your name, also, do you like men in a romantic and/or sexual way, including me?’ Easy.”

“For you its easy, for me I’d just sound horrifically rude. And I don’t sound like that, because I’d never ask about a romantic and/or sexual way of liking men, much less liking someone like me.”

“You are such a hopeless case. Trying to teach you to be bold won’t ever work, will it? Do you know the guy’s name? Anything besides him liking baked goods of most types? Good job getting him to try a variety, by the way.”

“It won’t ever work, I didn’t ask his name, and I know he wears a leather jacket, has a beard, long dark hair, sort of salt and pepper, and has tattoos.”

“Really? He’s your type? Never would guess that, but then again, I’ve not seen your guy.”

“That’s what you’re asking me? If he’s my type? And he’s not mine. He’s just a guy who came in once and may or may not come back.”

“I can’t just assume your crush is your type, it’s apparently rude to make assumptions.”

“It is rude. And he might be, I don’t know. My type can be varied, I didn’t even know I had to have a type. I thought the whole dating open-mindedly thing meant not having a type.” He sort of did have a type, one that Lucius had zero business knowing about, that played into yet further reasons his ex-wife was not his type. His type seemed to be middle aged men who looked like they liked food a lot. It was embarrassing to consider because he was well aware he had… interests in men in particular eating a great deal of food, and it was difficult to bring it up to anyone, much less people he liked. Besides, the guy, his crush, he couldn’t be into the same things he was, it’d be too much, and awkward to bring up, so he settled for mentally squashing the crush feeling down and ignoring it, or trying to, anyway. He was pathetic, brought to this point by seeing one guy who was decidedly not thin, absolutely beautiful, one of the more attractive customers he’d had, but really, he saw him once. It was almost overkill to say he had a crush on him. Also, he couldn’t just fall for the first guy he met like that, especially meeting him where he worked, and he didn’t know if he’d see him again, as much as he apparently enjoyed sugar, the one thing that wasn’t physical he knew about him. He could stand to slow down and not plan out a conversation that may not happen.

It also ate away at the back of his brain that his parents would never approve of him dating a leather clad, tattooed man like that guy. He didn’t care, obviously, because it didn’t matter, for many reasons, but mainly he thought he looked nice, it suited his look perfectly. The issue came in when it felt almost rebellious, trying to maybe date him. It didn’t matter, though, his parents were dead and their opinions of him or any guy he’d date were so meaningless besides he didn’t even spare it further thought. He thanked the therapy for that, unpacking the bullshit stamped into his psyche by his parents. It was the second thought that counted, as he was told, and still remembered in moments of having opinions he weren’t actually his own.

“You can always try—” Lucius was saying, when he tuned back into the conversation.

He knew what he wanted to bring up. It always went this way, when Lucius gushed about a date that he’d gone on with his boyfriend who he was deeply in love with, and Stede incidentally had a wistful look in his eyes. “Nope. Not the apps, I don’t like them. Too many people on them are too bold for my taste.”

“Aw, but the dick pics are the fun part, you can critique the photography techniques and lighting if the guy is just trying to show you his dick to be weird about it.” He grinned again.

“It is still obscene, Lucius. And I am never trying it again.” Stede crossed his arms.

The last time he tried it, all that happened was Stede shoving his phone at his employee who tapped the photo to view it, laughed, rolled his eyes, and typed 4/10, mediocre at best, use a better angle and actual lighting next time, and sent it, to reply to the photo he’d gotten shortly before he’d deleted the app within two hours of downloading it and setting up his profile. Online dating was not something Stede was made out for, like most things, apparently including talking to a guy he just met and knew nearly nothing about. Nothing was ever that simple.

“Just saying, it could work out for you.”

“It won’t. I tried it, hated it, and I’m alright on my own, especially if that’s what dating is like these days.”

Lucius rolled his eyes. “These days? Really? Well, I guess that just means you’re incredibly content to live out your days as an old married-man-turned-perpetual-bachelor with your thirty cats?”

“I have two children, this place, and you to deal with, I don’t need cats, you collectively keep me busy enough as it is.” And he wanted a boyfriend, a longer-term relationship even, it just— needed to be not through an app, and apparently also not in person. It looked bleak even from the inside, he had to admit.

Lucius dug his heels in, happy to press him on his seeming habit of refusing to even think of dating. “It’s a slippery slope, though, first you say you hate dating apps, then you see a guy you’re super into, you get too scared to actually talk to him, then you sit alone in your house in silence for two hours too long, then you adopt a cat to keep you company. Just the one cat, you’ll think, can’t hurt having something to take care of. Then, you’ll still refuse to talk to your, sorry, the allegedly incredibly hot guy, then you’ll start to think oh, having two cats isn’t so bad, they can entertain each other when I’m gone, the one just gets so lonely when I’m not home. After that, you’ll just sink more time into this place, still ignoring the guy being hot and definitely your type, maybe even compatible with you, if you’d just ask him out instead of waiting on him to sense your feelings, and it just goes on until you reach old age, then the cats’ll just come to you by that point, especially when you leave food and water by your front door for the poor strays stuck out in the cold—”

“Enough.” He glared scathingly, probably not pulling it off in the slightest.

“Hey, it’s just your future at stake. I get it, though, I can check on the…” Lucius trailed off, out of excuses.

No, Stede didn’t get a convincing glare on him. Great. “Just go? I’ll join you to clean up before we close. Get the idea of him out of your head.”

“I can.” He said over his shoulder, to probably slack off in the back. “Can’t say the same for you, though.”

Pointed.

Granted, he didn’t do much either, besides pace like he wanted his footsteps to wear a path into the floor, and nervously snack on pastries while watching the sidewalk outside until it got dark out. He flipped the sign to closed, helped clean up, did the preparation for tomorrow, cleared the unsold pastries from the case, set some aside for himself for later or if Lucius wanted any, and let him leave after that, to give himself more time to think, and let Lucius also forget about the guy he hadn’t even seen. He locked up and headed home alone after just a bit more pacing with added worried chatter no one heard, and he’d never admit to saying any of it, because it was not that bad.

Stede was not in too deep about the guy he met, one customer out of over a dozen who’d come in that day alone, all nice to him, a handful of them regular loyal customers. That guy would just come back a few times, raving about his food to friends and family, and that’d be it. The worst case would be he’d never come back again, but with the way his eyes lit up with just the word chocolate, it seemed unlikely. He wasn’t obsessing over him anyway, to preemptively start and end that argument with his very opinionated employee.

He just couldn’t get the guy out of his head, the way he smiled, how he looked, the way he was so casual with him, like they’d known each other for years. That was it, just odd chemistry between two strangers at a place of business. He didn’t even know his name, for goodness' sake! He couldn’t possibly be in too deep or have a crush on him. You needed a name to really pine uselessly over a guy you just met.

Except he did just spend multiple hours thinking about the guy and almost sort of ineptly flirted with him when he saw him, which was embarrassing but really—

Oh no.

He either had to talk to the guy or look into cats free to a good home, because he may just be in too deep.

Chapter Text

Ed decided some years ago that he shouldn’t ever care about what anyone thought of him. He’d gotten bristly at people before if they insulted him, especially after his bastard excuse for a father finally fucking died, and when the scars from his insults stuck around. His mouth got him in trouble a lot, with his father and with other people who said stupid shit to him that he let bother him. Frankly, he was getting too old to argue or fight back much anymore, so he settled for looking just unapproachable enough not to fuck with and leaving it at that.

Eventually, not caring about outside opinions led to him remembering the taste for sugar he’d had since he was a kid. He couldn’t exactly indulge it when he was little, except on special occasions, and that habit stuck for decades. Then when he wasn’t stuck following those rules, he sort of let himself forget about it, until he ate anything sweet and remembered two important things: sweet stuff was fucking delicious, and special occasions are made up.

Those realizations led to him finding he liked eating until he was stuffed and rounded out by the food, and liked how he looked when he was that full. Since he liked sweets and since he could afford to indulge himself in the practice, he did. He liked the feeling of being that full, just before feeling nauseated, full enough he was sort of tired, exhaustion clouding across his brain and slowing him down, feeling pinned under what he’d eaten, the progressively larger amounts of food he could manage without getting too full. He’d gotten a lot of practice managing to eat a lot at once and figuring out how much he could handle. He loved getting to do that. The slight bit of softness that stuck to him after about a month of doing that irregularly was sort of fun in the same way.

When that habit caught up to him, and the softness got more prevalent over his stomach and hips, a slight belly forming, he found out he even liked that part. He didn’t like having to get new clothes when his pants didn’t fit, but he liked the bit of softness that stuck around. Eating like he would, pushing himself to eat until he was incredibly full, had that consequence.

The first time it occurred to him it’d bother someone was the last time he’d been with his… sort of ex, mainly just a past fuckbuddy he didn’t bother to keep in contact with, Jack Rackham.

They were about to fuck when Ed took his shirt off, which apparently hid the slight softness his body had taken on. Jack said some really awful shit about how he’d have to watch his diet if he didn’t wanna get fat. He said it like it was meant to sink into his skull and hurt him.

Ed very smoothly came back with something along the lines of who gives a fuck if I do get fat, I don’t care what anyone who’d hate that would think of me. Jack scoffed and left after that. The main upside of bringing a guy to your place rather than going to his, especially if you knew it’d maybe go badly. Ed took some solace in the fact he was probably acting pitiful about getting all but kicked out, as he ate some leftovers that he was saving for lunch the next day, and gave himself a mild stomachache, then went to bed alone, solidly proud of himself for everything he’d managed that night, foodwise and in telling Jack to fuck off. They’d been an awful on again off again friends-with-benefits barely couple, anyway.

His insatiable sweet tooth and refusal to ignore it was what brought him to that bakery the first time. The Sweetest Revenge. He’d walked by it for a while, but finally worked up the nerve to go in and see what he could try from the place.

The first thing he saw was a blond guy who sat entirely silently perched very cutely on a stool, staring at him, or at the door, lost in thought. He thought the guy’d say something, but he seemed distracted, so he had to greet him first. He’d scared him, apparently, because he startled to attention like he’d been reprimanded, sitting straight up immediately. After talking to him and admitting he’d forgotten what specific types of pastry he liked, and taking multiple suggestions, Ed was slightly embarrassed about the amount of food he was trying to get, so he stopped short of trying everything he wanted. He was too adorable not to try to see again, he’d sway his opinions the other direction if the pastries he was about to get were bad, but really, he’d never seen anything with enough sugar in it taste anything worse than good.

He only came up with the thought afterwards to lie by omission and pretend getting a broader sampling was for… a party or friends or some shit, but he didn’t say that, instead he let the invisible thoughts of the blond guy talk him out of getting the food he really wanted. He’d get more next time, just lie, or not say anything and act like every slightly chubby to maybe fat guy got that much food from a bakery at one time.

It was his fault, having so many different really good-looking things in the case. Probably not entirely his fault, but he could blame the unnamed guy he was slightly crushing on, he was allowed to do that, especially mulling it all over in his head as he went home.

It wasn’t like the guy even knew what he’d be doing with it soon as he was home. Ed had planned to stuff himself off whatever he would get from the bakery immediately, and probably eat an actual dinner too.

He dumped his wallet and keys on the table by the door and unceremoniously dumped himself on the couch, as gingerly as he could so he wouldn’t hurt himself, at least.  As he went through the bag of baked goods, he noticed he got a slice of banana bread that he didn’t think he paid for, which he could happily assume was an act of impulsive flirtation, or he got the cute kid discount for the first time in a very long time, especially considering he probably wasn’t that cute and definitely wasn’t a kid. Either way, free food.

Either it was the fact it was free, or the bakery made really good food because his banana bread was really fucking tasty. He then preemptively unbuttoned his pants, to save himself the trouble of undoing them later when the button started to dig in. It was maybe some of the best food he’d eaten in a while. Honestly, if you put enough sugar in anything it tastes good, but the stuff he’d gotten was really fucking good.

He shoved more of the banana bread into his mouth. It was seriously fucking good, he’d have to tell the guy that when he saw him again, because he’d be seeing him a hell of a lot, if everything he made was just as tasty. He already knew he’d want to go back to the Sweetest Revenge. If the cute guy at the counter hadn’t convinced him, the banana bread just did.

He stopped after he finished the bread to reheat the leftovers he had for dinner. He had to pull himself off his couch to get to his dinner in the fridge, but just the pastries wouldn’t exactly get him as full as he wanted, and he knew if he didn’t eat something substantial, he’d feel sicker faster.

Luckily, he got his dinner reheated and settled back in. As he kept eating, he mainly thought about the bakery, and the blond guy he was crushing on. If he kept visiting him and The Sweetest Revenge, it’d speed up the sort of lazy weight gain that’d been happening off and on for a few months. The idea of letting that guy get him fat was… really something. He didn’t let himself ruin it with the obvious facts about the guy, the way Ed knew nothing about him, and especially didn’t know if the feelings were mutual much less if he even liked the idea of Ed getting fat on purpose. Ignoring the logistics was fine, especially when he had a hand resting on the softness that remained even when he hadn’t eaten that day. He really would end up bigger if he could keep eating like he wanted to, and with food that good, he couldn’t just deny himself that joy.

Besides, being that insatiable would always have side effects, and the way he was thinking about it was almost as exciting as the idea of the guy touching him, remarking on his body with a sort of intrigue.

Ed pushed back on the idea that thinking about the stranger that way was weird and bordering on creepy again and kept wondering how he’d think of him if he actually got fat. He was in the awkward stage where if someone was rude, they’d say he was fat, but he was actually more chubby than anything.

The guy would probably not be disgusted if he got bigger, he seemed too polite to be so straightforward about seeing him like he would eventually look, belly pushing against his shirts so much it was impossible to hide how he’d gotten bigger, that it wouldn’t be a secret how it happened. Eventually his jacket would go from fitting to not being able to zip all the way over his belly, to being too tight to even wear. That’d probably warrant a comment from him if nothing else came out of it. Changing his usual clothes for looser ones was one thing, but not wearing his usual jacket would be another.

The food he’d gotten was too good to resist devouring in one go, especially knowing there’d be long term consequences to eating like that. He didn’t get enough to warrant saving half, anyway, so he could happily indulge more than usual without feeling like he was depriving his future self out of food he wanted to eat multiple days in a row.

He kneaded at his belly with his other hand, still eating. He was almost at capacity, but he was also almost done, so he figured he could stand to help himself make a little room so he could finish everything. Hed gotten full, especially after finishing his usual dinner along with the food he’d gotten from the bakery. He was lucky it tasted so good, good food was easier to coax himself into eating more of, especially if he was pushing his limits like that.

After eating everything he’d gotten in one sitting, he decided he’d have to make himself wait to go back, in case he seemed weird going back in so soon. He knew no one would really care, if he came back twice in two days, but… still. Ed would be disappointed if the blond guy suddenly got weird on him cause he was kind of a glutton, even if it was true. He’d probably never notice, honestly, because Ed didn’t act like he was all that ashamed of his habits, because no one really knew what he was doing. Hell, he could be sharing his baked goods with friends, he wasn’t, but the guy probably wasn’t reading into it that deeply. He also knew he had some semblance of willpower, so he could stand to wait a little while to go back.

He ended up waiting four days.

Not a fantastic break from going back in, but he worked near the place, and saw it often enough he thought about the blond at the counter he’d seen the only time he’d gone in too many times to feel like anything but a weirdo about it. Also, he was certain no one would care or recognize him, going in one time before. He was probably the only one keeping track of his own visits to sate his sweet tooth.

 He lingered outside the door a little while, considering just leaving and going back the next day, or later. After only a little bit of worrying and trying to convince himself to leave before he looked weird, standing there silently debating the pros and cons of going into a fucking bakery and being a weirdo, and 10 solid seconds of deciding, he opened the door. His sweet tooth won out again, not that he ever minded that one. He had exes who did, and nosy coworkers who asked him very pointedly about his daily coffee habits, but he had an inkling that the employees of a bakery gave exactly zero fucks about how often he visited, outside the monetary benefits of him getting food.

“Welcome!” said a voice that was not the same as the one he remembered. Also, the person he was talking to was decidedly not the guy he was looking for, this guy had brown hair and was younger than him.

“Hey, uh…” Ed started. It was hard to ask about a guy who you don’t know, harder to ask where the guy was, and not feel like a massive creep. He should’ve known the guy wouldn’t be in, it was stupid to try.

“Looking for Stede?” he asked, evidently already aware of the fact he wasn’t the guy Ed was sort of possibly looking for and trying to chat with again.

Who the hell is Stede? “A blond guy? He… uh… works here?” Ed asked, wincing at just how few things he knew about the guy who was possibly Stede. To his credit, he’d seen him once. He was lucky he knew even that much.

“My boss, yeah. He’s kind of busy right now, unless you’ve got something important.”

“Right. I don’t, it’s alright.” He got his food, the same stuff as he got before, just paying for the banana bread that time. Apparently, the guy’s name was Stede. Good to know, unless two blond guys worked in the same place and apparently worked with this different guy. It was a small place, though, so really, chances were, the guy he met was Stede. He paid and took his food, feeling really fucking stupid. “Well, uh, thanks.”

“Come by again,” The guy who was decidedly not Stede replied.

***

Stede emerged from the back when he heard the door close, and after he also heard the voice that he thought belonged to the guy he’d been curious about, particularly if he was going to reappear, it had been a few days, so he was holding out hope that he would come back.

“Who was that?” Stede asked, letting himself hope just a little bit it was the mystery man he still hadn’t stopped thinking about. He sounded familiar, as if he’d admit to recognizing his voice after hearing it once, because that was going to sound desperate, and he was trying not to sound desperate.

Lucius shrugged. “I dunno, some guy, long dark hair, sort of graying, beard, leather jacket. Not a regular, not one I recognized anyway.”

He tried desperately to hide his interest because it had to be him. “Did… you tell him I was around?”

“I told him you were busy in the back, why?”

“I wasn’t that busy, you know, and I think you just met the guy.”

“That’s The guy? Your crushing-so-hard-on-him-you-can’t-function guy?”

“Did you happen to get his name?” He ignored the dig because he just couldn’t argue against it. He’d been more than a little distracted lately, and it was that guy’s indirect fault.

“No. I thought he was gonna hurt you, because look at him, he’s really intimidating until he talks or smiles.”

“He’s sweet,” Stede argued.

“You saw him once. It’s a wonder you don’t get murdered.”

“He is sweet! And funny, and he is not a murderer!”

“When he’s not smiling, he looks terrifying.”

“He’s not scary. I can handle him next time, just grab me when he comes in if I’m not at the counter.”

“He did ask about the blond guy who works here, which I assume meant you, he just didn’t know your name.”

Stede tried to feign disinterest. “Did he now?”

He failed utterly.

Lucius pounced on that failure immediately, smiling.

“Oh my god, you’re so obsessed with him! That’s adorable. Your first real crush, huh?”

“If I say I am, and that he might be, can I be impressed that he asked about me specifically when he saw me just once?”

“It’s what happened, and I already know you’re obsessed with your first crush. He also looked a little sad when I said you were busy.”

“Really?” he asked, not hiding the interest even a little by that point.

Lucius was holding back laughter. “He tried to hide it, but yup, kind of a sad puppy dog look in his eyes for a second there.”

Stede tried to bite back his smile and gave up immediately. “Next time he comes by, just get me. I can handle him fine.”

“Can you? He looks twice as scary as those creepy twins did.”

Stede’s expression soured. “That was different. They were my childhood bullies who continually harassed me at my place of business. Is that a crime?” He handled Chauncey and Nigel each once. Then Lucius scared them off. Polite menace for the win. It didn’t hurt that they physically couldn’t come back a few months after that. Death separates a bully from his victims handily. Unrelated deaths from Stede and his business, two casualties of the military, but Stede was free of the awful twins, nonetheless. There’d been other assholes, but they didn’t care enough to keep track of Stede after his so-called incredibly rash mid-life crisis decisions. He preferred nicer customers who didn’t just come in to pick on him, regardless.

“Warn me next time when your crush looks that scary before he opens his mouth.”

“If we’re lucky, it’ll go better next time I have a crush on a guy I see once. Or I’ll pick the easy way out and never crush on anyone ever again because this is torturous.”

“I’m happy for you, really, you’re having fun, the tortured feeling is part of the fun. And I’ll get you if I see him before you do, if you promise to talk to him, and get his name next time,” Lucius said.

“I can do that. It’ll be easy, just asking him his name, not like I’m asking him out on a date or anything.”

“You didn’t last time,” his employee reminded him.

“Because he was slightly intimidating, and I’d just met him.”

Lucius pointed a finger at Stede accusingly. “See? You admit it!”

“Whatever. What did he get?”

“Same as last time, I think anyway, sounded like he liked what he got last time, as little as he wanted to talk to me, since I’m not the guy he wanted to see.”

“Glad he liked it.”

“He almost definitely likes you too.”

“We’ll see on that one.”

“Fine,” Lucius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Just don’t complain to me when he likes you back and you could’ve asked him out months ago and been fine.”

***

Ed really hated himself for not being able to lie about having something important to say to the blond guy who was apparently named Stede. He did manage to get the food he wanted, and no one gave him shit for coming by fairly soon since his first visit. He figured no one would, but assholes could work at the same bakery Stede did. Although, they got paid to supply people like himself with all the food they wanted, no matter how regularly they went in.

But whatever, even if he was too nervous to get more food than before, he wasn’t too nervous to eat until he couldn’t think to put more food in his mouth.

At least he got food out of the deal, he did pay for it, to be fair, it wasn’t like that younger guy would say no to him. He just would’ve rather not had to feel like he fucked up when he didn’t just lie, or not even lie, just avoid telling the truth about what he was doing, because it wasn’t anyone’s real business, he was single, and lived alone. Two men who worked at a bakery who were supplying him with the food he ate himself stuffed full of (least partially, he had a bigger appetite than what he had the courage to get the two times he went in).

He couldn’t help but think about Stede while he ate, mainly as he methodically devoured the banana bread he’d gotten again, mulling over his actual dinner. It was pathetic, but he had a nice smile, and a genuine way of talking that made him seem downright pleasant.

His standards for typical human interaction were… pitifully low. It didn’t matter, really, just seemed like a bad thing to realize while he was absently considering the facts of his evening, he needed to eat a real dinner, and that in the very near future, he’d have to grapple with the general bullshit of having to get new pants. Again. The downside of liking getting fat: having to get new clothes because you were very close to breaking buttons off your old clothes. It wasn’t so bad, he reasoned, unbuttoning his pants preemptively and pushing them lower on his hips, because the stuff he got from the Sweetest Revenge was probably always gonna be great.  The food made getting new pants worth it.

Also, the guy who worked there was incredibly attractive, and fun to talk to, the one time he had talked to him, which would’ve been a perfectly good excuse to drag him to the counter to bug him. Fucking hindsight. Next time, he decided, shoving more food into his mouth, still absently considering the crush he had on him.

Next time I’ll lie so I can talk to him. He’d probably like the break in his usual routine, I like going in there, and I like seeing him, liked seeing him once, at least. Fuck that’s pathetic. Be nice if he liked me too. As low of a chance that has of happening. I can handle him not liking me back, I’ll be good for his business either way, getting fat and obsessed with the stuff he sells on a regular basis.

Ed finished half of the pastries by the time he remembered he was also trying to eat dinner. He was setting a pattern with that, wasn’t he? Every time, immediately eating some of the food he got, forgetting he was hungry for dinner, not just some pastries. He was lucky he kept getting lost in thought as he ate, it made getting more food down a lot easier. He could almost call this routine an exercise in nailing down his preferences for the next time he went in, because he was figuring out the specifics of what he liked more than other things. He had a taste for chocolate, judging by how he demolished anything with chocolate in it immediately. He didn’t have preferences, technically, but chocolate was a favorite flavor, that, and orange. He knew about that before, obsessed with anything chocolate or orange flavored, but knowing for certain was important.  

Luckily, he figured out his dinner pretty easily and settled back in to finish his food.

Maybe next time he went in and actually talked to Stede, he’d remember he had actual preferences to go by when he was deciding what he wanted. It wasn’t Ed’s fault he was distractingly good-looking, or that his stupidly kind smile was even more completely distracting.

But he didn’t know how Stede thought of him in return, if he thought about him at all, seeing him one time, as he reminded himself, almost getting lost in the stupid fantasy again. He didn’t know if the feeling was mutual, or if the feeling wasn’t entire sugar based.

Ed slid his shirt up and pressed into his belly too sharply and burped.

“Fuck.”

At least that made some room in him, he considered, as he shoved another forkful of food into his mouth.

Next time I go into that bakery, Ed decided, if that different guy asks if it’s important, I’ll just lie so I can talk to him again. At least I know his name is Stede now. Awkward that he doesn’t know my name, but I can’t let the brown-haired guy play messenger for me, that’d be so fucking pathetic I’d never be able to face him again.

Eating because he wanted to shut his brain off for a little while was harder to do than eating because he was excited and wanted to finish the food he’d grabbed.

Not that much harder, because he was good at eating, if you could be good at doing something you had to do to live and also did in pretty extreme excess for fun. He was good at coaxing more food into his belly at this point anyway, the area between full and at his limit, when he had a little more food to get through before he could say he was done, and lay back and enjoy the feeling of being so full and heavy from what he’d eaten that he was nearly pinned to his couch, belly resting comfortably on his thighs.

The usual sleepiness clouded his brain after he finished eating, he leaned back and ran a hand over his belly, feeling the outward swell, wondering how much of it would stick to him in the morning. He groaned as he stretched out as best as he could on his couch, arching his back and already feeling how sore he’d be if he didn’t drag himself to bed to go to sleep.

He took his pants off and then his shirt, settling in to get some sleep and in the morning, force himself not to wander by the bakery again for at least three more days, even if he had run out of food from there already. Poor Stede would think he was really weird if the brown-haired guy told him he’d asked about him and then Ed reappeared immediately after, still wondering if he was around. It’d only get worse if he got more food, though. There was no way to win against his pointless worrying, if he’d just figure something out, he could fight against it and realize he wasn’t actually that into Stede, or that he didn’t care about his thoughts on his body, or how much he ate or could eat, which wasn’t gonna be true, judging how he was sort of obsessed with him already.

There wasn’t a point to thinking about it, especially when it was only getting later, and his brain was clouded over with overfullness, so he had multiple reasons not to trust his own judgment of any situation, food related or not. He could think about the problems of Stede and his feelings about him in the morning, better yet, in three days, when he went back to The Sweetest Revenge by his self-imposed limits.

Chapter Text

Just a handful of days after he met Lucius, the guy appeared once again. Stede was watching him linger outside for a moment just before he opened the door. He looked worried for an instant, then shook the expression off.

“Welcome!”

The guy grinned a little. “Hi, you’re Stede, right?”

Stede wanted to take that as a compliment, assuming the small smile wasn’t an oh god you again look and more of an oh good the guy I wanted to see look. If he could be so presumptuous and bold, anyway.  He had to answer him, though, because he was Stede, even if the man who asked was absolutely gorgeous, and smiling at him in a way that made him want to stare in surprised silence. It was getting pitiful.

“That’s me, I take it you met Lucius?” Stede asked him, knowing full well he’d met him. He’d interrogated him about the guy, but he didn’t want to tell him that. Instead, he acted like he didn’t know, and wasn’t curious and only wanted to know that his employee behaved himself with him, even if he asked for as many details as he could while not risking his dignity.

“Think so, the other day. Not too busy to be at the counter today?”

“Nope. If I’m in the back, it’s usually time sensitive stuff I’m making, stock for the case up here. Lucius helps out in the front when I’m busy, its why I hired him, it gets surprisingly busy sometimes.” And he helps me sort out my emotions about customers like you, evidently, although his advice is not helping right now.

“He did fine with me last time. Do you own this place?”

“I do, yes, I opened up shop here a bit ago, Lucius is my only employee.”

Ed nodded along, then made a face like he remembered something “Right. You’d know ‘cause you’re the owner, I forgot to ask last time I came by, does the name mean something? The Sweetest Revenge sounds specific.”

Stede cringed lightly, then forced it down and smiled, trying to hide his embarrassment, before the guy got the wrong idea and took the question back. It was his right to know, and Stede’s mistake to call the place something so stupid and petty. “I was told before I even thought to try baking as a hobby that it wasn’t men’s work, that I wasn’t allowed to like baking, much less try doing it. I had a real knack for it as I later found, and I was told a few times the stuff I made was good enough to try selling, and I opened this place. They say the best revenge is success, so a sweet revenge would be selling what I make and being successful doing it.” A glorified fuck you to my bullies, that I get to explain in short, every time a customer like you asks me so nicely probably as small talk that I do always ruin completely. I should come up with a lie that’s less childish.

Just as nice as he ever was, the man nodded along. “Not a bad reason. You’re pretty good at making stuff people like. I only asked ‘cause I thought it was a side business of yours, lacing your stuff with poison. The sweetest revenge for all your worst enemies, inquire inside,” he joked.

Stede laughed. “Never! Strictly on request. I can’t advertise my side business so blatantly, I’d get found out instantly, and then no one can request my services or buy the regular stuff.”

He nodded again, in an understanding way, still going along with the joke. “Fuck, I forgot, murder’s illegal. Can’t go around advertising your offer to kill anyone’s enemies, can you?”

“Of course not, that’s why it’s a secret side business I’ve got going, until a customer figures it out and tries to squeeze information out of me. You did a great job figuring it out, though, didn’t even have to hint about it when you came to vent about the future victim who’s giving you trouble.”

“I may take you up on that offer, you know. Don’t be surprised when I get sick of my coworkers and decide its time someone finishes them off. The food’s good enough, they’d never suspect a thing, apart from being suspicious I was sharing food with them. That’s how it works so well for you, isn’t it?”

Stede chuckled. “Mhm. Hard to tell it was poison, usually it’s for someone who’d never be missed, so no one thinks to investigate the alleged crime, and alleged murder. That aside, did it only take two visits for you to enjoy what I make that much?”

The guy grinned again, reminding Stede he had a nice smile. “Nah, only took me one visit, second time was confirmation I’m hooked.”

“And the third?”

“Can’t always confirm on just two visits that the food was good, and I also wanted to see this Stede guy again and get to talk to him a while.”

“Oh?” He felt his heartbeat in his throat, which he ignored entirely.

“Yeah, you seemed like someone I wanted to talk to, no offense to your employee, but good food and getting to talk to you is plenty reason to keep coming by.”

“Thank you,” Stede managed, trying to keep his face from going pink and his voice level at the barest compliment, probably succeeding about halfway. “So, what can I get you?”

He made an apologetic face. “Hard question. I don’t know if there’s anything I don’t like. The banana bread was great, I like chocolate. I think I’m mainly a hopeless, indecisive case.”

“I can make some suggestions again, if you need me to.”

“If it’s not a problem, can you?”

“Any time. I usually don’t get to make suggestions, much less talk about what I make at length, so it’s honestly fun for me and not remotely a nuisance. Don’t feel bad about it, I really do have fun.”

It was becoming a routine between them, Stede letting the guy ask about different pastries and getting to talk about what things were, if he liked them or if it was a popular item. After it was settled, Stede bagged up his food and let him pay. To Stede, at least, it felt like he was stopping himself from getting everything he wanted, but he’d gotten more than before. It was impolite though, to have opinions on the appetites of practically a stranger. A complimentary, gorgeous stranger, who Stede was crushing hard on, but a stranger, nonetheless. He couldn’t speculate, it was rude.

“Well, see you later.”

“Thanks, and see you!” Stede replied, slipping back into customer mode instantly.

Lucius came up behind Stede as soon as the guy left, looking too much like a disappointed parent for comfort, glaring at him with his arms crossed. “You didn’t ask him.”

Right. Ask the guy for his name. “I forgot. And I got nervous.”

“Nervous or not, you talked to him, bordered on flirting with him. How did you get onto murder by poison, by the way? No wonder you didn’t ask for his name, that sounded dark for small talk.”

“I just went along with a joke he made. That’s what really distracted me, it's on him that I forgot to ask him.”

Lucius shook his head in disbelief. “Right, blame the poor guy for what you said to him. It’s a wonder you don’t scare him off.”

“Low blow,” he muttered. “I’ll have you know he went along with it and wasn’t coerced in the slightest.”

“Just ask him next time, yeah? Otherwise, I’ll have to move to Plan B.”

“…Which is?” Stede asked, grimacing in preparation.

“Embarrass you utterly and ask the guy myself.”

“As if I won’t do that on my own?”

“You’re underestimating how badly I can embarrass you. I can absolutely tell him every single detail of how hot you think he is, and how badly you want to make out with him.”

“I’ll ask him next time. You don’t need to do that, any of that.”

“You will, and it’ll probably go just fine.”

“Probably? I don’t like probably.”

Lucius shrugged. “You don’t know, you could spontaneously combust with feelings for him the instant he tells you his name.”

“Of course,” Stede replied flatly. His employee was great at a lot of things, but soothing anxiety was clearly not in that skillset.

“Just don’t worry about it and it’ll go fine. If you don’t believe me, I can just push you into it, like teaching a baby duck to swim, sometimes you just need a little push into the deep end to make you learn you can just figure it out and you won’t drown.”

“I don’t think I was born to talk to that guy.” He also lacked any and all instincts that made talking to anyone that easy.

“Too bad, because he wants to talk to you and probably won’t go back on that. Also, you did fine today, all things considered. Don’t worry about him so much.”

“Because not worrying always makes the worry go away, so helpful,” he snapped.

“Hey. Don’t be mean. He’s not coming back for a while, he got a lot of food, you can worry about seeing him again in, like, three days minimum.”

 “Sorry. I know. I’ll stop bothering you with my dramatics.” Stede apologized.

“No self-deprecation either. Seriously, don’t worry about him, if he’s the guy for you he won’t care if you’re awkward around him. He’ll think it’s cute. Hell, if I embarrass you at him, he may like you twice as much as he already does.”

“You’re probably right. I’ll be up here if you need me, I need some time to think,” Stede said, knowing he’d be glued to the stool behind the counter and only slip into the back when it was necessary no matter what he said in return.

“I’m always right. Don’t stress about the guy,” he corrected, and reminded him, slipping into the back to both give him space and give himself time alone too.

“I won’t,” he promised.

Stede really tried to keep to that. The issue with not worrying or thinking about the inevitable time when he would eventually have to talk to the guy and ask him for his name was just how slowly the time passed, and how much time sitting still gave him to think.

So, he did. The entire time he was sitting there, fidgeting nervously at the counter, feeling lucky that it wasn’t a busy day, all he did was think. He was lost in thought, which included a lot of worrying, despite his promise to specifically not worry. He had too much to think about, between the minutia of their conversation earlier, then Lucius’ threat, then the way the guy looked and just how desperate he was to talk to him again. Eventually he had to help Lucius clean up and let him head home.

When he was alone in the building, it struck him that he didn’t want to go home yet. It wasn’t like he was avoiding anything except an empty apartment, and his own feelings, but out of the two places he could mope for a few hours, he preferred his bakery, it felt less like the outcome of his mistakes. Actually, considering mistakes… he had a lot of food that hadn’t sold yet, and he was eager to not have to think about the guy, and how he didn’t know his name and how he’d have to ask, among the thirty other things he was worried about. He knew a pretty solid way to turn his brain off or slow it down to a manageable level of anxiety. If he got enough food to eat himself almost sick, he’d stop thinking about him. hopefully.

He never told anyone he did what he was planning to do, it embarrassed him utterly to admit to it, similar to how he liked seeing the guy (who desperately needed a real name, if not just for the purposes of selfish pining), he liked to occasionally eat enough food that it became damn near impossible to think straight. Sometimes he went a bit too far and it became difficult to fully breathe. His luck, he’d be going for the latter with as troubling as his brain had gotten. Stede took the food he was about to finish from the case, remembering what would go stale sooner than later and what he’d be able to eat quickly.

He didn’t do it often, for a lot of reasons, mainly out of fear the coping mechanism would stop working if he indulged in it too often, but also because every time he did it, his insides would churn with shame. Maybe it was nausea, but the guilt that settled squarely in his chest, replacing the anxiety said he felt bad for doing it. Logically, he knew the guilt was stupid and pointless. Stede never had anyone near enough to see him when he indulged the habit, conveniently the one person who would ask if he was doing alright had left and had no clue that he did his idiotic ritual at all.

Regardless, it was an evening for it. He was alone, half miserable with worry, and he didn’t want to go home, or anywhere else. He shoved the pastry into his mouth, not even looking to see what he’d started eating. He didn’t care, he just wanted to be full enough he couldn’t remember why he was worked up. It hadn’t ever been a good coping mechanism, but it was a holdover from before he divorced, and it didn’t hurt him much. He finished the pastry methodically, staring out at the sidewalk.

I’m just a stupid, pathetic disaster, aren’t I?

So pathetic that he kept eating. He thought offhand that he’d ruin his appetite for his dinner, which was almost funny because there was no way he’d be eating anything close to an actual dinner after he was done with what he took. His humor soured instantly as he thought about the guy again. It became a more pessimistic mood then, considering how he let his probably incidental charms override his brain completely so that he couldn’t be normal and say something like ‘oh yes, what’s your name since you indirectly learned mine’. Normal people would ask politely and not forget like a complete goddamn idiot. He knew damn well how to be polite, having manners pushed so deeply into his psyche he’d never forget them, not to mention how Stede had to grit his teeth against complaints that were polite but scathingly pointed and definitely about him, especially when he was a child and adults tattled on him about whatever faux pas had happened that they caught. This whole flustered beyond remembering basic niceties thing was a new problem. Mainly, he wanted the interaction to go well, no matter how brief it was with him. He desperately wanted— maybe needed, if he could be desperate about him— to like him, unlike his past failed dates after the marriage that also went poorly.

He just… needed this one, with that guy, to go well for him.

Stede methodically kept finishing pastries, feeling nothing yet by way of guilt or nausea, and handily demolishing the stash he’d taken. Half of his brain, the half that could be occupied with the thought that he was being a bit of a glutton eating so much at once, and even worse of one eating carelessly while thinking about things he should leave alone.

He had to undo the belt he had on, and unbutton his pants, eventually because they’d gotten uncomfortable, which brought the nauseating shame into the picture. That only led, in an odd way, to the guy again. Maybe not that oddly, knowing how he looked, albeit under a leather jacket, which did seem to be pretty form fitting. He couldn’t think about him when he was like that, it’d just muddle his feelings even further. Not to mention the ever-present idea that he was being weird about him and that he was an uninvolved party in this. It was Stede’s issue to solve, to talk to him, figure out his name, then consider the possibility of dating him. Maybe.

In his defense, as if he deserved that, he was thinking about how there’d be consequences to eating like he was on his own already sort of soft figure, which led to him considering how often the guy visited, and how much food he’d get, presumably for himself. Slight changes had probably happened to his body, just not changes Stede could notice, and if the guy noticed them, he’d probably stop dropping by if he got scared to get any bigger than he was. He’d probably notice when his pants got too tight, or when he noticed Stede watch him a little too closely with too much interest.

It became obvious that there wasn’t a way to win at trying to figure out what the dark-haired man would think of him, or how he’d take the whole getting his actual name stuff he was going to have to pull if he wanted to stop trying to come up with less degrading things to call the guy who kept coming by and charming him. He still had to shut his brain off, so he tried to forget it was a problem he had to solve and focused on eating, and watching the empty sidewalk as it got darker outside.

He ended up with a stomachache and even worse feelings that the food didn’t directly cause. Stede was lucky to not be nauseous, but he was well on his way if he didn’t quit worrying about what his stranger thought about him. As if the guy was his, coming into his business just three times. It seemed bleak even when he wasn’t so full. He decided he could handle going home after that, since nothing was filling the hollowed out feeling in his chest. After removing the evidence of his pathetic binge and trying to yank his clothes to sit more respectably for the moments he could be seen by strangers, he locked the doors and left. Stede got to his place and slept after that, barely bothering to lock his door and empty his pockets before going straight to his bedroom alone.

In the days following his binge, it became obvious Lucius was going to have fun with the whole ‘get the guy’s name unless you want me to tell him in excruciating detail that you find him incredibly hot’ issue Stede was having.

It started with a simple question, offhand when he got bored: has your guy come in yet.

The obvious reply was ‘of course he hasn’t, you’d know if he did’, and then ‘also, he’s not my guy, he’s a guy that I have no relation to or exclusive relationship with.’

That only led to the new game his employee had devised, called, uncreatively, has your guy come in yet.

Stede learned that he hated the game. It was a battle of attrition he would never win, and worst of all, Lucius loved playing it. There was only one rule, intermittently ask Stede if the guy had come in, and if it hit the second step, ask if he’d gotten a name. Lucius knew he’d hear when the guy came back, it was the journey and not the destination, also if that was how he got his employer to stop pining after the dark-haired guy that he was crushing on so hard it looked painful, it would work out fantastically.

The game devolved instantly into terribly reductive and increasingly complex and strange nicknames that embarrassed Stede to no end. Starting with, as named, your guy, then Mister tattoos, then mister beard and tattoos, then that hot guy you like, then mister leather jacket, then mister pirate, which got more of an argument than the others about the logistics of how that would function, like how the hell would he even be a pirate, because since when were there even pirates, so how could he even be one, and the usual snapped remark of ‘stop calling him reductive nicknames, Lucius he’s just a guy, don’t be weird about him', mainly caused by an internal fear of being weird about the guy, who he would never refer to as any of the nicknames because they were utterly too reductive. His employee got bored eventually and asked if the guy you think is hot and refuse to talk to because you’re scared that he’ll say he’s not into you too, and wears leather which definitely doesn’t scare you at all had come in yet. That one was too wordy to reuse, so he went back to your guy after that one, restarting the cycle, out of new and creative options to make Stede’s face go bright red.

Thankfully, the door opened just before a new round of the worst game ever invented, and a very familiar dark-haired, leather-clad man came in the door.

“Hello again!” Stede greeted, already mentally practicing the way he was going to politely ask the man for his name.

“Hey,” he replied, grinning. “Came back again.”

“So you have. Before you get your food, may I ask your name? I try to keep up with the names of my regular customers and you’ve come in a few times now, so I figure I should ask you.” A little pathetic but perfect. Didn’t forget to ask him, and I didn’t say anything stupid or degrading.

“Yeah, it’s Ed. Ed Teach, technically Edward, but friends call me Ed.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Ed, I’m Stede Bonnet, but Lucius told you that much already.” He cringed internally for the slight awkward tone he’d taken, knowing it was pointless to introduce himself again.

Luckily, Ed didn’t seem to mind.

“The last name part was new,” he offered.

I am so lucky he’s a good sport about me being so inept. “Good to know he didn’t put all my cards on the table.”

“Got to keep some secrets. Been busy today?” Ed asked.

Stede made a noncommittal motion with his hand. “Ah, it’s been the same as usual. Not so busy we’re swamped, but not so empty we have the chance to get bored.”

“Any requests for poisoned goods?” He asked, and grinned, to Stede’s internal torment.

“You know if I had any, I couldn’t tell you, strict policy of confidentiality.”

Ed nodded along. “Right, right. Completely forgot, it can’t be a secret business if just anyone can blow your cover.”

“Exactly, I can’t just divulge the exact number of murders I’ve assisted in if I want to keep the cover going.” Even if my customer is incredibly attractive, he added silently.

“Wouldn’t be a good revenge that way, would it?”

“Not if I told everyone about it.”

“You told me,” Ed countered.

“You seem trustworthy.” And a lot of other pathetic compliments about your looks that I can’t divulge if I want to keep my dignity intact and not reveal my crush on you or how I feel about how you look and that I think you’re incredibly attractive.

Ed raised an eyebrow. “Do I?”

“Course you do. You look like the definition of a guy who can keep secrets. Why else would I ply you with all the sweet stuff you want?” Stede replied.

“It’s all been a plot to keep me quiet?” Ed pressed a hand to his chest in mock disappointment, clearly enjoying the theatrics.  “I figured the business out and you let me get all the food I want just so I’ll keep quiet about it. I feel so betrayed.”

“I have to keep it up, now, don’t I? So, what can I get you?”

“I’m never ready for you to ask me that, I need to get better at distracting you and then thinking about what I want.”

You’re great at distracting me already. “If you think it’ll help, I can distract you a little longer,” Stede offered.

“Actually yeah, I think it may help me learn to be decisive, or how to distract you first so I can decide while you’re too busy to ask me before I’m ready.” There was that half-grin again, Ed was too good at that expression.

He looked Ed over for a moment, trying to come up with more small talk, trying to avoid the tried-and-true and incredibly boring interesting weather we’re having today, huh? Stede was slightly distracted, though, by the way his hair was pulled back. He could see the gray pieces perfectly, and the rest of his jaw, under the short beard, at least, noting it was soft like his figure. It’d be a good spot to kiss him, if he knew he was into him and available…

Stop that. It’s going to be creepy if you keep staring and get yourself caught, he snapped at himself.

“Your hair looks nice with it pulled back like that,” he finally said, sort of blurting it out, but at least he settled for something that was normal, had plausible deniability, although was decidedly more compliment than typical customer service filler, but at least he opened his mouth at all.

Ed visibly lit up at the compliment, which made it feel less awkward and forced and more like it wasn’t coming off creepy. “Oh, thanks, keeps it off my face. Easier than pulling it all back at once, too. I like keeping my hair long, but it gets in the way sometimes, so this is what I eventually came up with. Glad someone thinks it looks nice, usually I get that I look intimidating.”

“I suppose I can see it, the leather jacket probably helps on that front, although it does suit you.” Stede noted privately that it hugged the outward curve of his belly very snugly, before forcing that thought right back down, because this was not flirtation, it was polite conversation. He should’ve talked about the godforsaken weather, the way his mind was going at the way poor Ed looked. He was an innocent party in this, looking absolutely fucking normal, and Stede was thinking of him like that. He should’ve been ashamed of himself. He wasn’t, though, not really.

“The leather really helps with the tough guy look,” he half-joked.

“I hear it does, Lucius said you looked pretty intimidating when you met him.” There, now he won’t think you’re a freak, or that you stared at him for utterly too long.

“I get that super often. I should really ditch the leather sometime soon; it makes me look too intimidating.”

Stede couldn’t hold back the slight disappointment that crossed his face. “You honestly look nice in it. It’d be a shame if you dropped it just for everyone else’s perspective on you. I still hold that you seem nice.”

“Says the guy who’s in the business of poisoning innocent people,” Ed replied flatly.

“Only on request, and only when I trust my customer and know it’s for righteous reasons,” he corrected.

“So, how many visits until I try to ask you for murder advice, and you don’t brush me off?”

“I think you’ve charmed me plenty, already. If you had a request, I’d consider it, but I also wouldn’t mind if you thought you had to keep coming back.” He smiled, trying to hide the fact the façade of the joke was wearing awfully closely to the truth.

“Never gotten charming before.”

“Really? Maybe you do intimidate people.”

“I really do, I used to not mind it so much, but it gets more exhausting than fun after a while.”

“You haven’t intimidated me yet. You don’t know if I really do have vials of poison in the back to lace things with.”

Ed’s eyes widened. “You’d kill me?”

“Never! You’ve been a great customer so far, even if you don’t believe anything I tell you about my thriving side business.”

“Shit, right, I should actually decide.”

“I hate to keep you out late, so yeah, eventually you will need to decide. I can give you my opinions, again, really, I’m happy to.”

“Yeah, sorry I keep bugging you for them,” Ed said, wincing apologetically.

“It’s really no problem, I don’t get asked what to try often except when you drop by. I think you said you liked chocolate (he knew he did and didn’t want to seem too attached), you may like the chocolate muffins that are out, (he was pretty sure he would, although he’d never said anything was anything less than good), although really, you’re better at taking my suggestions than I am at giving them.”

“I do like chocolate, not like I hate any food in particular, and not like that helps any.”

Ed asked about specific items for a bit, Stede talking him into trying things he thought the other man would enjoy, until he hit the point of what seemed like embarrassment again.

“Think that’s it, I’d feel bad getting more.”

“You can always get as much of the food as you like, you are paying for it.” And I will never shame you for getting more, because when I’m especially lonely and desperate, I assume things of you I shouldn’t.

“Still, I think you’d hate it if I somehow got tired of this stuff and didn’t come by for a week.”

“I’d be a bit disappointed; I won’t lie. I like getting to talk to you, you’re fun.”

“First charming and now fun to talk to, you’re really sweet.”

Stede shit him an unconvinced glance. “It’s just true. If no one’s told you any of that before, you need better friends.” Or a boyfriend if that’s your particular taste.

“Then when would I get my fill of sweets and compliments in the same place?”

“Fine, you’ve got me there. You’re sure you don’t want more?”

“Positive. Maybe next time.”

“Happy to anticipate the next time.”

“I bet you are.”

He let him pay and handed the goods over, accidentally brushing Ed’s hand with his own, and refusing to acknowledge it. His skin was warm, as if he’d feel like a corpse, but still, the glancing touch was nice.

“See you.”

“You know you will.”

As Ed pushed the door open with his hip, he dug through his pockets like he was looking for something, as he was leaving. A moment later as he lingered outside, he evidently found a piece of paper and a pen. Before Stede could see if he was writing something, Lucius appeared behind him, spooking him out of his curiosity. He turned to face his employee, not bothering to hide the tinge of annoyance that was evident in his expression.

“Proud of you,” he said. “Even if you were watching him leave like a sad puppy up until I scared you.”

 “It wasn’t hard. And I was looking at the sidewalk. Not watching him, he was just... conveniently outside.”

“I’ll leave it, but only because you asked what his name was.”

“Now we both know his name is Ed, and you can stop calling him a pirate.”

“He still looks like he could have been one.”

“He has a real name now, regardless of that. He’s Ed Teach. Even got his last name. Are you happy?”

“Pretty happy. Was before, don’t get me wrong, but…”

“What?”

“That just solidified one thing between you two. You’re both really into each other.”

“We just talked.”

“That? That wasn’t just talking.”

“Yes, it was.”

“You complimented him and flirted with him like ten times in five minutes, about murder and poison, again. He’s gonna get concerned if you keep going along with it.”

He was so lucky Lucius dealt with his eccentricities as well as Ed did. There were some people who would not have appreciated his ridiculous jokes before he met his employee, and… however Ed thought of him, at best, maybe they were friends. “He went along with a joke I made. We clicked, platonically, it’s all there is to it.”

“You complimented his hair. And his jacket. That’s not platonic.”

“Anyone can compliment someone.”

“Not if you’re both crushing on each other and especially not if he says you should be scared of him and his leather wearing habits.”

“You don’t know if he likes me.”

“I heard how he talked to you and saw how he looked when he saw me instead of you. If that’s not liking you, I don’t know what is.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Because you’re too jaded to realize it.”

“I’m realistic. I can be an optimist, just…”

“Not about your Ed?”

“He’s just Ed.”

“As if.”

He turned his head to glance back outside, to sneak another look at Ed, but he had already disappeared from view.

Chapter Text

Ed was starting to confuse even himself about Stede. He really wasn’t sure if he liked him back or not. It was obvious he liked him, as a friend, if they were friends, if visiting a guy at his work and chatting him up on a semiregular basis even counted as friendship.

He probably made it awkward from the start, asking him to call him Ed, with the stupid line about his friends calling him Ed, everyone called him that anyway, except when he was in trouble, and he was getting a little old for doing much troublemaking lately. Stede had to like him back, though, at least platonically, because Stede didn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d smile that much at someone he hated.

Ed had a thought, as he was leaving The Sweetest Revenge after one of his visits, to force himself to make a move and avoid making Stede take the next step towards asking him out, because that man didn’t seem all that confident, outside of making jokes and complimenting him. He was a little impatient to wait on him, besides. Ed just needed to figure out what he wanted to do about him. Stede would never make an actual move, it seemed, outside of the compliments and jokes that were just platonic enough to not seem like flirting. Which meant either he was too nervous to actually flirt, or Ed was misreading him. Stede was a surprisingly confusing guy, or he was just really bad at reading people, which could also be true.

The solution to that problem would be pretty simple, as he realized. He dug a slip of paper and a pen from his pockets, then found a spot to pause and scrawl down his cell phone number before he could forget his idea. He folded the paper when he was done and slipped it back into his pocket and kept heading home. He’d just give him that paper if it turned out he was single and into him too.

Maybe I can beat him to this one.

He felt stupid for making Stede ask his name when Ed already had his name from Lucius. It would have been so fucking easy to just say and I’m Ed by the way, but he didn’t do that. He felt bad for the guy, really, they were both pitifully inept. It was a real issue he was so sweet, and hot, because he’d stop going in after the first time he fucked up an interaction if he wasn’t so damn nice. That was why he wrote his number down. To beat his own stupidity to the punch when Stede inevitably gave him his own number or took too long and made Ed too impatient to wait for him to make a decisive move into actual flirtation.

He felt a little less terrible about it all knowing Stede was just as flustered about him. or he figured as much, at least. When he first met him, he’d scared or flustered him into silence, or he was caught daydreaming and forgot how to interact with a customer, then not asking for his name when he talked to him after meeting Lucius. The awkwardness went both ways, and it was sort of reassuring, that they were on equal footing. It’d be more agonizing if either of them were confident that the other was into the relationship becoming less platonic and more romantic, and to be a relationship at all, but the two of them were equally unconfident. It was easier that they were both idiots about it, probably.

If Stede liked him like that, anyway, because he didn’t know if he did.

The compliments sold him on it being probably true. That and the lingering glances when he was pausing to reply to some stupid joke he made. That was the first time he got a compliment, though, two compliments really, about his hair and his jacket. The thing about his jacket was sweet in particular. Ed always wore it when he was dropping by, mainly because it was just slightly more presentable than his regular shirts, which, admittedly, were on their way out, only half because of the fact he was starting to go into Stede’s bakery twice a week when he could, which was sort of pathetic, but the food was good, so he could forget he was being really pathetic and pining by way of pastry consumption.

Little did Stede know, his jacket was getting tight too. He had to wrestle a bit harder by the week when he tried to put it on. But hey, he looked nice in it. He had glanced towards his belly, when he commented on his jacket, but really, that was probably nothing, a little obvious for a passing glance, but he couldn’t blame the guy, he was eating a hell of a lot lately, and it was showing on him more than before. It was also sort of Stede’s fault, being adorable, and convincing, and a great baker who could explain any part of a recipe or a set of ingredients or flavors and sound excited about it.

Stede had to know what he was doing. He had to, he didn’t know much about the man, but he seemed to have more than a couple brain cells, although being around him made his own brain short circuit, so he wasn’t sure his judgments were all that sound. It was getting obvious he was gaining weight, it’d be more obvious when the zipper of his jacket gave up the ghost. The glance bordered on being something, too weird to be a regular glancing a guy over look, and more of a looking him over for romantic reasons look. Or he was making it up to make his own feelings about him feel more rational and less like he was crushing on a guy he barely knew and using the bakery as an excuse to see him, and indirectly getting fat off the food he ate, plus his regular meals outside of eating whatever he got immediately after he visited.

Sometimes he played at it being Stede’s fault, as if he was really trying to get him to try more food, like he knew he was eating everything all at once, until he was almost sick, and felt the weight of the food in his belly and considered the consequences to that with excitement.  It wasn’t true, obviously, it wasn’t like he was putting the food in Ed’s mouth (even if Ed did think about how that’d feel when he was desperate to think about him), it could still be his fault he was getting fatter with surprising speed.

It convinced him more the longer he considered it, thinking about the details of their conversation. The compliment, the glance at his jacket and how tight it was, the way he asked if he wanted more, and the way their hands brushed when he took the bag. It seemed innocent enough, until he kept thinking about it, and kept considering how next time he went in, and it wasn’t too weird, he’d need to give him his number, say some smartass line about texting him or something.

The only issue was figuring out if he was single. Neither of them ever mentioned a home life. To be fair, Stede was at his job, and had no business telling a random customer about his personal life.

Except he wasn’t a random customer to Stede, was he?

He called him a regular, when he asked his name. He wasn’t even lying to himself to make it seem less pathetic, he’d said it outright. Hed recognized him from the second time he saw him, but Ed had a distinct look. Not many guys were kinda fat, wore leather and had long hair and tattoos. Especially not guys who went into a bakery for fun. It was stupid to mistake friendliness there, but it was pretty clearly there, he went along with his stupid jokes, even went along with it when it was about poisoning people. Most people didn’t do that.

He gave up mulling it over when he got home. He emptied his pockets onto the table by the door, slip of paper included, took his jacket off gingerly, and deposited himself onto his couch after he reheated his dinner. It’d become a ritual, by a certain point, to mull over his feelings and crush while eating until his body protested. He had to either get better at flirting, ask if he was single, or give him his number.

Maybe all three in a different order, eventually.

Something had to give, because Stede wouldn’t try to do anything until it was blatantly obvious the crush was mutual, assuming he felt the same way.

He tried to avoid thinking about him as he ate, to try and keep the two separate in his head.  It didn’t work, obviously, as he shoved still great pastries into his mouth. It was damn near impossible to separate the guy from what he made, still considering how excited he looked to be sharing what he made lately and letting a customer try it. He was too adorable, that was what was wrong with Stede, too fucking nice and cute for his own good.

How did he make stuff that’s so damn good?

He would have to come up with new ways to say you’re a great baker to Stede, because as true as it was, it felt less genuine if he said it every time he put a pastry in his mouth. He liked getting compliments, at least, even uncreative and basic ones, so Ed was lucky he put up with it. More reason to ask him out, really, if it wasn’t alright, he’d stammer out something cute and flattering about how he was a nice guy and super sweet or whatever, but he didn’t like men or had sworn off dating forever, or maybe he had a better reason to be taken, like being married or in a committed relationship already. He could be straight or married, if not both. Since they were about the same age and people bugged him about when he’d (finally, always said with exasperation) find a nice guy to settle down with (directly after assuming he’d date a woman, as Ed laughed and said nah men are kinda more my thing, embarrassing the nosy fuck instantly), it was kind of the expectation to have someone significant in a romantic way.

But he was not thinking about Stede when he ate, clearly, he very good at doing it and not desperate to see him again, ready with the classic ‘you’re a really good baker, anyone tell you that.’ At least when he told him he always went slightly pink and smiled with his typical ‘thanks’ in reply.  Even if he didn’t make it, it’d still be good, if he could stop thinking about him and connecting his habits about food and seeing how much he could eat in one sitting to his crush on him, because it was creepy, even If he didn’t know it was happening.

He finished everything easily, which said less about how much he got and more about how much he could take at once lately. Getting the food was good practice for his capacity, apparently.

He figured out how much of an impact that practice was making on his body when he tried to get dressed for bed. The shirt he snagged from the drawer barely cleared his belly and was surprisingly tight for a shirt he’d kept to sleep in. His pants were still loose, he didn’t have to tighten the drawstring, but he was used to that, they were loose everywhere else and didn’t cling to his thighs and ass. Yet, as his brain eagerly supplied, if he kept eating like he was, and he planned to. He had to glance himself over in the mirror, vain as it felt, he was curious how he really looked. Since he’d eaten it wouldn’t be a complete picture of how he looked lately, but he didn’t care about that, he wanted to see how bad the shirt had gotten.

“Jeez,” he muttered aloud, soon as he’d caught a glimpse of himself. He didn’t think he ate that much, he’d been fuller before, but he looked bigger than he thought he was, belly rounded out and very visible under his shirt. He’d have to get new shirts to sleep in. That was really something. His regular clothes were just as tight as his sleep shirts were, he wrestled himself into his pants every damn day, hated his older button ups, not just because his work clothes made him bristle, but because the buttons strained like hell, almost gaping open and revealing skin. Not exactly office appropriate. He experimentally raised his arms, just to see the shirt ride up on him. Naturally, it did, a solid couple of inches of his lower belly were exposed.

He chuckled to himself, ran a hand over the curve of his belly, tugged his shirt back down, and went to bed.

Ed knew normal men would notice their loose shirts getting too tight to wear and give up on their sweets habit. Luckily Ed didn’t mind and thought that was a fun revelation and made him want to eat more instead of less.

Self-control was never his strong suit and denying it didn’t help.

Plus, he liked eating, had a hell of an appetite, especially for good food, even more especially for sweet stuff. Anyone who knew him and saw him eat remarked on that one. Lately it became just a little more visible. About a dozen pounds worth of more visible, sure, but really, he couldn’t just stop seeing Stede, not when his face lit up adorably when Ed walked in, like that was the highlight of his day.

The habit had plenty of benefits outside of that, mainly seeing Stede and the food he got after and devoured almost instantly. He could be into worse, weirder shit. Also, he didn’t care if anyone thought the habit was weird shit. Except Stede, but even then, he could almost live with it if he thought his habits were weird, which seemed unlikely considering the way they interacted when they saw each other.

Stede was pretty easygoing, polite to a fault, really. He’d never say a word about Ed’s body unless he asked outright. Even then, he’d probably say something sweet about him. The quasi-flirting was going to get tiring and less fun sooner than later. It was fun but really, the wistful ruminating over some stupid cute thing he did was going to be pathetic pretty quickly. They had chemistry, for sure, but it was a question of if Stede was single that kept it from being more than just the two of them talking about stupid shit every few days.

To be fair, he did know how to get the answer to the is Stede single question. It wouldn’t even be that hard. If it went well, he had a piece of paper to slide his way to start off the actual flirtation, rather than just making jokes and seeing him smile and joke back. Ed was out of practice, really, or he was just awful at it. To be fair, Stede smiled at the stupid jokes, and let him be an idiot every time he saw him. and really, if he was flirting back, he was just as bad at flirting. It’d be a hell of a lot clearer if they were more direct.

He could be the direct one. He was capable of doing that, of asking a simple question.

It wasn’t like wondering was gonna make it any clearer, though.

He wanted him to be available, and into him, because him being single wasn’t enough to warrant more flirting. He really liked Stede, and hoped it was a mutual feeling, and that one of them would ask if the other was single, because Ed got an awful lot of food for a guy who lived alone.

He'd just ask him in a few days, and not worry about the answer, he’d deal with it either way, and not let it get to him. He was too tired and full to think about it right then, anyway.

Chapter Text

Ed may just be the most regular… well, regular Stede had. He came in at least once a week, if not more often, chatted a bit, asked for recommendations and left Lucius teasing his employer relentlessly about how the conversation had gone.

And every time the conversation went the exact same way.

“He wants to date you so badly.”

Stede always refused to play into his teasing. “We’re friends, if you can even call us that.”

Lucius always gave him The Look after he protested. A scathing glare with his mouth in a slight disapproving frown. Stede hated getting The Look, it meant he was being an idiot.

“We are. I talk to plenty of regulars the same way.”

“You compliment them that much? I don’t think so.”

“It’s not preferential treatment, anyway.”

“It is, but you can lie to yourself, that’s fine. It’s your crush, after all, not mine.”

“You’re lucky it’s not,” Stede muttered.

“He really seems sweet. If only you’d ask him out.”

Stede sighed, coming out more like a pitiful whine. “I— I can’t. The whole thing between us, it’s platonic. Absolutely platonic.”

“Liar.”

“He sees it that way. I know better.”

“The way he talks to you, goes along with your jokes? That’s a friendly, just two guys being super good friends kind of relationship between you?” Lucius said slowly, staring hard at Stede.

Stede shrugged.

Lucius sighed hopelessly. “Sure. Fine. If you adopt a white cat, you can name it Snowball. A classic cop-out name, perfect for you.”

“You don’t know if he’s single either,” he shot back.

“I know how to fix that issue.”

“Maybe you can, I can’t just ask him that!”

“You could, if you’d just be brave. Anyone can ask if another person is single, it’s a normal everyday thing. A boyfriend would be a lot more fun than a cat, anyway. You generally don’t have to scoop cat litter for a boyfriend, generally they come trained not to even need a litter box. Plus, a boyfriend can actually talk to you when you vent your frustrations to him, unlike sweet little Snowball, even if he’s just as cute as you think Ed is.”

Stede scowled, knowing he wasn’t going to win unless he asked Ed about his living situation. “I’ll ask him. Christ.”

“Good for you. Just hold yourself to it, and you’ll know if he’s available to crush on, ask out, and/or kiss without any guilt. Also, worst case scenario? All he says is sorry I’m taken, or nah, I’m not into guys, which looking at him and hearing how you two talk… it’s really really unlikely he’s not into you. It’ll go fine and you won’t die.”

“Yeah, right.”

Like clockwork, he came back just a few days later, just in time for Stede to press his hands into the countertop to (at least try to) gather his nerves before he asked if Ed was seeing anyone, as indirectly yet directly as anyone possibly could.

He couldn’t help but smile when he cheerily greeted him. “Ed! Welcome back!”

“Hi,” Ed replied, grinning.

“So, is today more of a distract me first day or do you already know what you’re after?”

“it’s a distract you kind of day, I think. I’m never that decisive.”

“Your distractions are usually fun; I think I can allow it. Haven’t been that busy today, but even then, your visits are a fun break from the usual.”

Ed wilted slightly, a dramatic gesture, Stede was sure. “Only usually fun? C’mon, man, when haven’t I been a fun distraction?”

“I’m giving you room to be boring once or twice. You’ve been fun so far.”

“So far. You have no faith in me.” His offended tone was definitely a playful one, his eyes were still lit up. He looked adorable, Stede silently wished he could make him look like that every day by making stupid comments and jokes with him.

“You haven’t gotten tired of me yet, I think you can run out of witty jokes for me sometime. I’m not saying you’ve failed; I’m giving you room to bore me later.”

“As if I don’t come here for the food too. You’re easy to talk to, I can’t help the jokes, you go along with them, and you make really good pastries, it’s hard to not come by and try to repay you with humor.” Ed grinned, making the previous thought twice as clear, he really liked his smile, as much as the way his eyes lit up when he was cracking jokes. Stede was definitely crushing on him, and it wasn’t in the just two guys being friends way. He already knew that, it just came to him again as he still had to work up the courage he had left to ask if he was seeing anyone.

“You pay for the food, that’s plenty, although I really do like talking to you.”

“Glad you like humoring me being so indecisive.”

“How do you know I’m not always like this?” He wasn’t, according to his employee.

“You’d tell me to just decide if I wasn’t a fun break from decisive customers who come in as often as me.”

“You’ve got me there. You really are a fun break, usually my other regulars don’t talk so much with me before getting what they’re after, not that I want you to choose, because you are fun to talk to. If I can ask a more personal question, purely out of curiosity, do you share what you get with anyone?” As smoothly as I could possibly have done it. Hope Lucius is pleased with himself.

“I usually don’t, why, you trying to get rid of me?” Ed asked, grinning.

“Never! I was just asking out of curiosity, like I said, just curious if you had someone special, no shame in not having anyone, of course, I—” Stede paused as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He rarely got calls, and he knew when he did it was either spam or important, and it took two seconds to not have to apologize profusely for missing the important ones. He was right, Mary’s name was on the screen. “Sorry, one second, I think this may be important, I’ll be right back, if I’m not, I’ll get Lucius to help you.”

“Yeah, no worries, I’ve got time,” he replied.

As was usual with Mary’s calls, it was important, he needed to know to pick up Alma and Louis later than usual tomorrow for his weekend, if he could, which he could, he never had real plans that would interfere. The call was to give them both time to set plans up in case Stede wouldn’t be able to get them, and it wasn’t a text in case the plans would get complex, because she hated calling him when he was busy, but it was what had to happen sometimes, extenuating circumstances and all. He was lucky to be on good terms with her, considering everything, so Stede did his best to not implode what they had as possibly sort of friends who just so happen to co-parent their two children. Everything went fine, though, and the call hadn’t taken long, thankfully, so he went back to the counter where Ed was still standing.

“Sorry, again, Mary calls sometimes if our children have something after school. She keeps me in the loop about them and it’s sometimes a bit time sensitive. I also hate to miss her calls if I can help it and in case of emergencies that she needs me for.”

The grin had faded to a fraction of what it was minutes before. “Yeah, course, it’s no trouble. You get it sorted?”

“Yes, I did, I’m just going to pick them up later than usual tomorrow, and it was too complicated to figure out over text, but it’s sorted now. Anyway, have you decided?”

He nodded and picked out what he wanted, seeming a little less relaxed than he usually was, and had been until literal seconds ago.

“Anything else for you?” he asked out of courtesy, and because this time he got a little less than he usually had.

“Nah, that’s it,” he replied. “Shouldn’t take up more of your time.” Ed’s voice took on a more bitter and self-conscious tone.

Stede noticed it was odd that he’d gone a little distant and let it go, letting him pay and leave without talking longer. He didn’t bother to ask if he was sure, that’d be pushy and overly familiar. Besides, he probably had gained weight eating so much of the food, he was probably cutting back on purpose, even if it wasn’t visible on his body, and he was already sort of soft to begin with. Stede knew the feeling of that too well anyway.

“See you,” he replied, just as he left.

He ignored the feeling until he was solidly out the door and away from the storefront on the sidewalk, anyway. It was more acceptable to worry about an interaction and how it had gone when it was undeniably over, and Lucius hadn’t pounced on him yet to ask about how their conversation had gone and what step he’d have to take to actually ask him out on a date. It didn’t seem so likely just then, anyway.

It was probably for the best he hadn’t come up yet, Stede’s brain wasn’t in a great place at that moment. It’d only get worse as the seconds crawled into minutes, though.

He just knew he’d fuck up with Ed. He always did that to people, he would get too weird or too attached, they’d get tense and detached with him and leave. In the social circle he grew up in, when he got too weird to keep talking to, they’d give him a glancing touch on the arm and suspiciously and suddenly have something else to attend to, always across the room. He knew when he’d fucked up, and Ed didn’t hide it nearly as well as the high society assholes did.

Luckily, or unluckily, Lucius did, very soon after Stede started worrying, come up for their now usual debrief after Ed came by.

“Did I fuck that up?” Stede immediately asked.

Lucius paused, considering it for too long for Stede’s comfort. “No, that wasn’t on you, I don’t think, anyway.”

“Then what happened, if that wasn’t the very definition of fucking that up?” he asked, tone sharper than before. He wasn’t asking to hear if he ruined it, he knew he did, he was curious what he’d done wrong. Usually, Lucius was better at knowing and was just honest enough to sugarcoat it a bit if it was a real fuckup.

“Did you want me to tell you I had no idea, but he did definitely get weird with you after you went back up to him?”

“No! Absolutely not!”

“Then that went really well for you both and I definitely have any clue for what went on between you.”

“That doesn’t help either.”

“Maybe it was how you, out of nowhere, explained your ex-wife and two children.”

“I didn’t mean to! She just called and I— I looked at him and I got nervous, and then I just sort of explained it to him. Besides, they’re in my life no matter what, and I was brief, tried to be, anyway.” He didn’t think when he mentioned it, instead of lying and saying it was an important call and he’d handle it and not explain its details like a complete idiot. He’d done that sort of thing for years, it was half of what got him bullied mercilessly. He wasn’t any good at being social like that, especially not around someone he wanted to have like him back romantically.

“And maybe that scared mister tattoos, brief or not.”

“Ed,” Stede corrected sharply.

“Mister Tattoos, whose real name is Ed, sorry.” Lucius amended, not looking sorry at all.

“You’re not helping,” Stede snapped. “I can mope about my romantic failure in private if you’re so hellbent on being mean about it.”

“I’ll be more serious, I’m sorry. I know you’re obsessing over him, and you think you ruined it right when you tried to ask if he was single,” Lucius amended, then considered the facts again, expression shifting when he hit a realization. “It was going great, far as I heard, then you took the call and he— ohhhh.”

Stede grimaced. “What ‘oh’?”

“Did you say the word… ex anywhere connected to when you brought your ex-wife up?”

“Shit. No, I didn’t, did I?”

“That’s it. That’s what happened, has to be. Poor guy thinks you’re married and have kids with who he assumes is your current, and not ex, wife, I bet that’s what made him go weird like he did.”

“Maybe I can talk to him about it when he comes in next time.” If he doesn’t think I’m a complete idiot and there is a next time. He felt a chill in his chest as his heart sank and the dread settled in.

“You definitely can. He’s obsessed with you too, kids and ex or not. He’s bound to come back anyway, he always does. You can explain it then.”

“Yeah. Sure,” Stede replied, his voice coming out hollow and unconvinced, feeling the dread burrow deeper into his chest. It was his own fault he’d ruined that. He’d moved too fast, been too strange, and too forward, explained too much and left out too much detail all at the same time. He was great at fucking up, and he should’ve known better.

Lucius took in the look on his face and his tone and continued. “He’s going to come back, and you can flirt with him outright when he does. Then, when it happens, because it will happen, he’s not scared of you, you can explain you’re not into women, and very much single, despite marrying a woman once.”

“I know. I’m not worried about him,” Stede lied. “Just let me think for a little?”

Lucius crossed his arms, unconvinced. “Fine. I know saying don’t worry won’t help, but still, do yourself one favor for once in your life, for me, if I have to force you to be a little more selfish, and don’t stress yourself out about him?”

He didn’t buy it. Just great. “I won’t. I’ll try not to, anyway.”

Lucius huffed out an unconvinced sigh, and turned to go into the back, to give his employer the time alone he asked for.

For the next couple of hours, Stede sat almost entirely still on the stool, consumed by his thoughts. He didn’t say he wouldn’t worry, he said he’d try not to, and trying didn’t work in the slightest, so he sat still, didn’t move or talk unless a customer came in, which there were a couple of customers, it was almost the end of the day anyway, so, really, he was alright to zone out into his worries about Ed for a while, and consider what he could do about that anxious feeling after they closed and he was alone.

It worked out fine. Until Lucius noticed he was too quiet, and found him again, to remind him not to worry, as if that’d work for his particular situation and fear.

“Hey, you doing okay?” he asked, assuming the answer was going to be an untruthful yes.

Stede glanced at him. “I’m alright. I can clean up on my own, you can head home for the day.”

“You’re sure? I can stay, talk a little more about how Ed is absolutely gonna come back and is so into you that he’s scared you’re married, and he’s nervous that he’s been trying to hit on a married guy, and is not scared of you as a person or anything you think you did wrong, because if you’d follow my advice just a little more often, you’d figure out I’m always right.”

“I’m alright. Ed comes by twice a week sometimes. He’s going to come back sooner than later; I can explain it to him then.” He said, repeating what he’d told himself about a dozen times as he worried incessantly that he might have scared him off permanently. He still wasn’t convinced, but he could say it convincingly.

“Exactly. Don’t stay here too late, okay?”

“I won’t,” he said, knowing he’d get caught in that lie too.

“I will say I told you so if you come in exhausted tomorrow because you stayed up too late,” Lucius warned.

“I know. I won’t stay that late, just until everything’s ready for opening tomorrow.” And I’m going to do things that I’ll never admit to anyone else, involving a great deal of the food we haven’t sold yet, he added silently, brain so very helpfully noting his plans for him, as if he’d forgotten.

“You just admitted to staying late,” Lucius replied.

“Just absolve yourself of your guilt and go home, you did your best, and I promise you, I can be on my own tonight. I won’t do anything stupid, you know I won’t.” The worst thing he could do was binge on whatever food he could find, which was honestly the least self-destructive thing he could do if he was left to his own devices like he was going to be. He’d just lie about it and binge at home if he refused to head out, which would’ve been absolutely out of character for his employee, so the point was moot.

“Forcing me to go, I see how it is.”

“Have a good night.”

“You too, see you, and don’t do anything stupid.”

“I never do. Only impulsive things and then I consider it heavily before being impulsive.”

He practically heard him roll his eyes as he huffed and left, flipping the sign on the door to closed before he closed the door behind him.

The instant Stede was alone, he let out a sigh. Finally. He could do the stupid and impulsive thing he wanted to do.

Not even really a wanted to situation, technically. in reality, it was his release, to take the nervous energy and put it into eating until he was almost nauseated by how much he’d managed.

Then every time afterwards, feeling horribly guilty about what he’d done. He cleaned up snd absently snacked on what he was setting aside to eat, still nervous about Ed and what he’d think of him, worse that he was being a weird glutton all alone instead of going home and sleeping off the feelings he had. It was a little early for it to be a ‘you’re up too late to believe that thought about yourself, go to bed, you stupid idiot’ feeling. He wasn’t naïve enough to think that made the feeling true, but he did know that based on his past experiences of being a human being and talking to pretty much anyone, if they suddenly got distant, something happened that made it weird, and every time he noticed it, it was his fault.

The coincidence was just always there in hindsight. That and the way he’d get laughed at in an unkind way if he didn’t realize it quickly enough to pretend that he was kidding.

The cleaning went by quickly, and Stede set aside enough pastries to make up for what would probably end up being his dinner. The automatic thought that desserts and pastries are not dinner foods and definitely not meant to be devoured in one sitting surfaced as soon as he sat back down, but he argued with the thought by noting that he was alone, well past childhood and was his own boss. Literally. He owned the building he was sitting in, and no one could tell him no, also he’d done the exact routine a handful of times before, most recently when he was similarly worried about Ed.

The thought threatened to consume his brain as his nervous habit met desperation and he started eating. He found solace in the fact he didn’t do it very often, partially in an attempt to stave off any lingering side effects from eating that much at once. He’d done it since he divorced Mary, coping poorly with the stress of managing a disintegrating life, recognized around that time that he liked when other people partook in the same type of thing, apparently imagining an innocent man doing the same, as he considered Ed again, tried to stop himself by shoving more food in his mouth, to little avail.

It was just infrequent enough of a bad habit that his clothes generally fit the same no matter how much he managed to devour when he felt like it would fix his brain into being normal about his latest worry. He told himself it was infrequent, anyway, but… it wasn’t that long since the last time he’d done it. He had to give up on Ed or start really trying to date him, otherwise the habit was going to catch up to him more noticeably. It probably already had, he just didn’t keep track of how he looked, and taste tested a bit too much too often when he tried new recipes. He didn’t care, necessarily, it was just…

He sort of cared, and then crushing on Ed, and everything else, he really cared about Ed’s opinion of him. That was why he was eating, even if he was damn certain he was making it weird between them and should never have said a word about his living situation, and definitely should be dealing with it better than he was.

Why the hell did he think eating would help? So far, he was already guilty about eating at all, and felt sick with worry and nausea both. Not worrying would certainly help, to Lucius’ credit, but it seemed like he was bound to worry about Ed and how his crush was ill-fated.

Maybe it wasn’t, but it seemed… a little too hopeless to be an optimistic situation. But then again, that was what eating was for.

He kept going after the food, pressing his free hand to his side, ignoring the immediate conflicted feeling when it met his slightly distended belly. Even that made him think of Ed, the idea of getting to touch him, or just ending up within touching range of him, seeing his body closer than usual, rather than across the counter. It could’ve happened if he didn’t get weird.

But thinking about Ed wasn’t the point! The point was to stop thinking about him and make himself full enough to not realize he was still upset. He undid his belt, more as a formality than anything, knowing he’d eat more if he kept thinking about other things, besides Ed, and getting distracted. He was managing to eat a lot, he’d been hungry for a while, and clearly forgot he wanted to eat before he set out to finish the pastries he took.

He sat for a while longer, still worrying and still eating, until he ran out of food in his stash of technically stolen goods and realized nothing was really going to work outside of forgetting it happened at all on his own. That and getting some sleep, if he could manage that. He would’ve stuck around longer, but it’d interfere with his sleep, and he’d promised he wouldn’t stay late.

At least someone kept him accountable. He cleaned up the traces of his ill-timed binge, locked up and left still feeling the sinking sensation in his chest about Ed. But still, Lucius was right, he’d probably come back on his own in a couple of days. It was what he’d done that far, anyway, regardless of the interactions they’d had.

Chapter Text

Ed kept his composure until he was just out of sight of the bakery windows as he made his way home.

He has a fucking wife and kids. Fuck!

Even being optimistic about the situation, their conversation after Stede got the phone call felt like a preemptive polite ask to knock off the thinly veiled flirting. Even if that Mary of his was… fuck knows what to him besides his wife, who he had at least two children with, was somehow not his wife, he said the words our children. Guys who babysit their siblings’ kids don’t say our. And to the point he was married, obviously he’d hate to miss calls from his wife, he probably loves her and was definitely the reason he asked if he shared the food with anyone. To say ‘so fucking stop working towards asking me out, an obviously married, very taken guy, don’t be a fucking idiot homewrecker, please, Edward’. He’d be politer about it but that’d be the fucking gist of it all. Fuck!

Sure, he seemed to flirt back, but Ed sort of started it, so the fault was on him for flirting with him. That’d be why he’d tell him to stop, to remove any temptation to ruin his marriage. It’d be easier on him to force the distance than avoid the temptation, if the feeling was even there and the flirting was flirting.

As if Ed was a homewrecker anyways, as if he was anything close to being hot enough to fuck up a marriage over (even if he had multiple guys compliment him relentlessly back in the day). It was stupid to have thought it’d work. He was sweet, and went with his stupid weird jokes, took compliments, and Ed should really quit thinking about him if he wasn’t going back in until he could control himself around him.

But that was why he was leaving him alone for a bit. To soothe the heartbreak —which was pathetic to think about, since they’d talked, barely talked at that, and never even mentioned the subject of dating or having a spouse— and to figure out how to be normal about a guy he was still crushing on.

Just my fucking luck to have a crush on him. Not only is he probably straight, but he’s also got kids. As if I’m anything close to being a willing homewrecker, or that I’d be creepy with him. As if he’d do that for the idea of someone like me, anyway, even if I was that hot, which I’m almost definitely not. He’s too nice of a guy to do that, as if I should even be thinking about it when I’m not going to have feelings for him or flirt with him anymore. Hell, as if I can show my face in there again, after I embarrassed myself like that.

He couldn’t think to see Stede face to face again after that, he was too perceptive about that sort of thing and Stede would definitely ask if he’d made it weird, when no, it was entirely Ed’s own damn fault for not asking him month ago if he was single or not. His fault for assuming he was single, as if he could have been. It was unfair to make him come out and say he wasn’t into him that way, so he could control his brain about the guy before he saw him again.

Easy.

Except… he was insatiable and a hopeless fucking idiot, so it’d be a while before he could be some semblance of normal about him.

When he thought about it more, Stede didn’t wear a wedding ring. He would’ve noticed it on his hand, since he saw him so often, but then again, he worked with his hands, and probably wouldn’t wear it when he was working. Ed knew he had to give up on any stray hopes that there was a way he was single, because it was rude and really, he didn’t need to hope that the guy was single, he needed to forget he had a crush on him in the first place.

Luckily, he was almost home and had gotten some pastries before he left. He could easily forget he was slightly awkward about him and flirted with a guy who wasn’t single and didn’t figure out that he was making him uncomfortable until it was too late if he could eat.

It worked before, with different problems. It could work again.

He got home and dumped what he had in his pockets by the door. He realized he still had the slip of paper with his cell number on it that he was going to give Stede and say something stupid in the moment about talking to him outside the bakery. Such a great idea, thank fuck he didn’t go through with it. 

It wasn’t like he was going to give it to him anymore, not when the situation was going to be a polite ‘oh, sorry, I have a wife and children who I’d like to not ruin the lives of, it’s nice that you like me, but it’s gotten very creepy now.’

He obviously didn’t want to make him say that, so he hadn’t slipped it to him when they talked, and it became clear that he was taken. It wasn’t like it’d get any use now, he could shred it later, be annoyed with himself for being stupid about him like that and getting his hopes up about the idea he’d ever want to talk to him if he wasn’t forced to. That’d be the closest thing to a healthy release he’d get, and right then he wasn’t exactly in the mood to do anything but mope.

Ed dropped himself onto his couch and dug into the bag of food. He forgot he skipped lunch accidentally, and devoured the first thing he grabbed almost scarily fast. At least he was hungry, as if he hadn’t eaten when he wasn’t hungry before, but still, it’d hopefully make the godawful fucking feeling in his chest go away. Luckily before he could embarrass himself completely, he’d gotten at least some food from the bakery. Still good food, even if Ed was sure that Stede couldn’t make anything bad even if he tried.

He couldn’t help but keep thinking about the other part of the situation he was in about Stede. It didn’t matter, since it wouldn’t work between them any way except platonically, but it still stuck in his brain that Stede was awfully nice about the whole indirectly watching him get fat thing that’d been happening. He had to have noticed, Ed had outgrown his pants since seeing him for the first time. It was getting close to it being twice if he kept eating like he was. He undid the button of his pants preemptively, refusing to let them dig in or end up snapping open on him if he really did try to eat until he couldn’t feel upset about the not even breakup between them. So far it wasn’t working very well, but he hadn’t managed much yet.

But really, thinking the situation over, if he was too polite to say something direct about Ed flirting with him, he’d never mention how he was getting fat very visibly. He’d eventually say something, probably. Ed even knew how it’d happen, a small pause, just long enough to be noticeable, glancing him up and down, then pretending like it didn’t happen. Almost everyone did that look eventually, usually incredibly obviously. Even an adorable, incredibly nice guy like him would have to say something eventually. He’d eventually get weirded out and be a little more distant than normal, even subconsciously, and Ed would absolutely pick up on it.

That’d probably take the crush on him out of his system. At least, once Ed knew he could control himself around him, to not try to flirt with him and be fucking normal with him, because they weren’t even friends, they were just a guy who ran a bakery and a desperate and slightly overdramatic regular who didn’t realize the romantic feelings he had were not mutual. Too desperate and dramatic for his own good, clearly. He finished the food off fairly easily, all things considered. Just to prove he could, he got up and found and reheated some leftovers from his dinner last night, to finish those too, not like he was hungry, but he wasn’t exactly all that full either. He could take more and would happily force himself into eating more. His pace got a little slower as he got fuller, but still, he finished the food, pressing his fingertips gingerly into his side and groaning.

He hadn’t managed to eat that much in a while. It’d been longer since he was almost pinned to his couch under what he’d eaten. He also hadn’t felt so nauseated by it in a while. It was probably why he stopped just after he was full, but that didn’t help his brain to stop thinking about Stede.

Being that full was exhausting. That or the stupid emotional stressing he’d done had worn him out surprisingly fast. It was probably too early to go to bed, and he’d fuck up his sleep schedule doing that, but he didn’t care enough to think about it longer. He slowly got up and went to his bedroom. He could thank himself later for getting up to sleep in his bed and not the couch. Maybe getting some extra sleep would fix his brain about the stupid idea he had that the guy he was crushing on was single.

Or maybe he’d just wake up feeling worse and he’d overdo it on food again in the morning. That option seemed way more likely.

Knowing himself, it’d be the second one. At least he liked eating, didn’t feel terrible getting the food he wanted. Sure, he liked eating for better reasons than being sad, but he didn’t want to cope in a different way. Besides, if he got fat, or fatter than he was, being honest with himself, maybe Stede wouldn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t show any signs of wanting to ignore him, but it was his job, you can’t exactly tell a customer to fuck off if you’re in that line of work, especially not someone like Stede, polite to a fault.

At least he was tired, maybe he’d actually sleep off the feelings he had. It probably wouldn’t work, but he’d sleep regardless. If it didn’t help, he knew one way to shut his brain up.

Sleeping didn’t help. So, he came up with a plan to fix his problems on his own.

It was a good plan, eat basically constantly until it hurt him, wait a few hours until he was sort of hungry again, rinse, and repeat, until he got tired then slept it off and started all over. He did that for a few weeks, until his clothes started to get too fucking tight on him to be wearable. That took an embarrassingly short time, especially knowing why he was going after food so often. So fucking pathetic, like a lovesick puppy, and for someone who probably had no idea how far the crush had gone from just meeting him and talking to him a handful of times. They had decent chemistry but fuck, not enough to be so upset about the idea he wasn’t single.

He felt weirdly awkward about the whole thing, as if it wasn’t something he knew he liked, and as if he hadn’t put off sizing up for a little while already. It became a challenge almost, to keep pushing it off getting new clothes. He had to keep tugging his shirt down if he moved too much. That just made him want to look himself over in a mirror that much more, survey the damage, and appreciate the long-term effect that damage had on how he looked lately.

His belly pressed into his shirts more than ever, making them look shorter than he remembered them being, barely covering the curve of it. He’d gotten wider than he used to be, which felt like an odd thing to notice. Ed’s eyes flicked lower, noting his thighs weren’t escaping unscathed from his recent binging, filled out more than he thought they’d look. He was probably just bloated, but fuck, his shirts used to be sort of loose. He’d have to size up in his pants too probably, he was sort of in denial there, deciding to stay in his loosest sweatpants for the entire day as long as he wasn’t working.

He’d go back to The Sweetest Revenge eventually, he knew he would, he just… needed the courage to actually fucking do it, and not worry about the consequences. He could manage to not care about that again. It’d be fucking nice if he could. He didn’t mind the physical consequences, it was the emotional ones based on Stede’s reaction to those consequences that made him nauseated with worry.

But he didn’t care what a married man thought of his body, much less what he ate, or how much, or what it’d do to his body. It wasn’t right to care, and he shouldn’t. He walked away from the mirror and into his kitchen again, to figure out what he wanted to eat, even if he knew what he was really craving.

***

It took Ed a month before he thought he might be able to see Stede again without making it weird. He kind of made everything weird, but he could always try to be less weird, for Stede’s sake. He had to get dressed at least mostly presentably to do that, though. He managed to find a shirt and pair of pants that fit mostly, but, he wanted to try to get his jacket on if he could, to feel a little more put together, less like he was embarrassing himself for the… he didn’t know how many times he’d said something stupid to Stede. Too many times to count. The guy probably wasn’t even thinking about him, or the fact it had taken him so long to reappear. Hell, it’d be something if he even realized he couldn’t zip his jacket up anymore. The food sort of helped the whole wallowing in his feelings bit, sort of, and he didn’t mind the way he looked, going from a sort of slow lazy weight gain to a more determined effort.

Hey, if it wasn’t totally hopeless, he could figure out if he was right thinking he’d hate him getting fat off what he made. That and the rest of the food he ate, but baked goods steadily took up more of his regular meals when he saw him more often.

Ed tugged at the sides of his jacket. He hadn’t worn it since he saw Stede last, and even then, it was at the point he thought he might just break the zipper if he ate too much, and that was before he ate his feelings for about a month straight.

No fucking chance.

The zipper wasn’t even close to closing, much less going up. Fuck.

Fine. Fuck it.

He had to see him again, otherwise he’d have to wait longer because he had to get new clothes not to actually scare him or make him think he was just a weirdo. He could appreciate a good crop top, just when it was purposeful, and not because the shirt was suddenly an inch too short because he’d gotten fat.

I can see him, and It’ll go fine. Probably.

He yanked his jacket to his shoulders, sighed, and walked outside, mostly ready to face his crush again.

Chapter Text

The situation after the Incident, as Stede referred to it in his head when he was particularly worried about Ed’s possible reaction to whatever he’d said that was wrong when they saw each other last, was getting more worrying by the passing day.

What was originally ‘he’ll come back in a couple of days like he usually does,’ became ‘okay, maybe a week.” Those thoughts almost instantly curdled into a nauseating mixture of feeling like he fucked up permanently and the just as uncomfortable idea that he was just busy, and that it wasn’t his fault, but it felt personal still when it felt very convincingly like he was wrong, and he had fucked up.

Stede was worried. He wasn’t particularly neurotic of a person, as standards go, but he was worried about Ed, and about what happened, consumed by the idea he ruined the first real crush he’d had in a very long while by saying something idiotic and making him get too nervous to come back again.

He knew it was the all-consuming type of worry when a week had gone by, and Lucius had caught on. It was clearer by the day he hardly deserved him as his employee and loosely defined friend. Lucius had cornered him at the end of the day, looking him over with a worrying degree of scrutiny.

“He hasn’t come back yet, has he?” he asked.

As if his expression didn’t say it all, Stede answered. “No.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“There’s nothing more to discuss. I scared him off, he hates me now, and that’s it. I’m doomed to live alone forever minus my custody weekends. I should drop by the animal shelter tomorrow for my first cat as I find new hobbies suiting the terminally single and socially inept,” he deadpanned.

“Whoa, hey, that’s bleak, even for you, especially for you. What gave you the idea he hates you anyway?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the way he cut off our conversation the last time he came in, and the way he hasn’t come back since. I’m sort of out of optimism at this point.”

“There’s good explanations to that that don’t involve you ruining things or scaring him. like maybe he’s just busy, or he’s out of town and didn’t tell you because he didn’t think you cared enough about him to notice it’s been what—"

“A week,” Stede supplied.

“A week since he came by last—adorable you’re keeping track by the way, he’d love to hear that since it’s a mutual crush. Or it’s like I said before, the wife thing spooked him for a little and he’s trying to get over his feelings for you before he comes back and tries to wreck a supposed marriage.”

“It just feels so pointed,” Stede complained, then scowled, realizing his employee’s underhanded plan. “You tricked me into talking, and I resent that. Unluckily for us both, I think I need this right now, as horrible, and as gloomy as it all feels. Have you ever dealt with this? A crush going awry, not the misunderstanding thing we still don’t know is true.”

“I mean… maybe? I usually forget about it because I tend not to think about it for a month. I act on the feeling immediately. When it’s not mutual feelings I usually give up unless it’s funny then I keep irritating them about a crush that’s mostly fizzled out outside of jokes. Maybe if someone here followed my incredible and useful advice…” he trailed off.

“I don’t need the lecture, really, I get it by now. If I was more forward with him, I would be around him now instead of complaining to you. Right now, I just want to complain. Can you grant me that? you made me talk, and you can lecture me when he comes back.”

Lucius perked up. “I am helping! You just said when and not if! Good work being optimistic.”

“I didn’t say condescend to me about it. and you’re right, it is more if than when,” he muttered grouchily.

“Would you feel better if I promised I won’t lecture you when he comes back if you talk to him and try to get the crush feeling across to him, so he knows you’re into him?”

“No,” Stede replied, still miserable.

“I still won’t. I’ll just remind you now that the second time he came by and I was at the counter, before he even knew your fucking name, he was disappointed he didn’t see you again. He looked like the saddest puppy in leather I've seen in my life. He’s so into you it’s probably hurting him not to see you.”

“Sure. I can mope alone now. Don’t worry about me, been through worse than just this.”

Lucius shrugged, nodded, and turned to leave him alone until closing.

It quickly had become nearly a month since Ed stopped coming by. The issue was officially personal, and not an oh he’s busy or out of town issue.

“Still not in yet, huh?” Lucius asked, accidentally sneaking up behind Stede and making him startle from wistfully staring out the window.

“How’d you know?”

“You’re still sad, and I know you’d get me if he came back, and you’ve left me to my own devices too long today. I get curious when I’m not occupied.”

“Right. Of course you do.” Once again, Stede forgot just how easily read he was, especially by people who knew him well. “I’ll be alright to close alone tonight, you can head out a little early.”

“You sure? I’d love to talk more about how mister beard, leather, and tattoos is impossible to really scare off and is so obsessed with you it was painfully obvious I wasn’t the guy he wanted to see when he was hoping to see you again.”

“He’s got a real name. He’s Ed.”

“There we go, a fun reply. Thanks for that. I was beginning to think you were immune to me trying to cheer you up.”

“I just need time alone to think tonight. Don’t say I get time alone all the time at my place. Cleaning here is a different type of thinking. I think about other things when I’m home.” And home didn’t have nearly as many pastries as he wanted to eat. Alone. Without prying eyes asking him questions about his private habit. “I will be fine. I promise.”

“I’m happy to talk more, you know. As the only person in your life who’s that interested in your love life and wants success for you on that front. No lectures even, I think you get the gist of my lectures anyway.”

“I know you’re happy to talk. I really do just need time to think about things. Nothing bad, just thinking. Harmless thinking.”

Lucius shrugged. “Alright. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I won’t. Although I don’t do a lot of the things you would do.”

“Yeah, you’ll be alright on your own, cracking jokes like that. See you, get home safe.”

“You too, and have a good night.”

He watched his employee get his things and head out the door until he was out of view. Stede sighed heavily, slid off the stool to his feet and gathered up what would very likely become his dinner. He knew he had a bit left over that would go stale within a few days, and since he was alone, he could easily get that and eat what would be a sizable amount of food in place of the thinking he said he’d be doing.

He didn’t need to justify a bad habit to himself, though.

There have to be at least a dozen worse vices than emotional gluttony.

All in all, an occasional binge on food that would otherwise technically go to waste wasn’t bad. Although he typically had other methods of giving out the food that would go bad. Lucius typically shared a bit with his friends and his boyfriend, Stede passed off a few to Mary and Doug, otherwise donating the rest.

The rest was easily eaten, of course, especially in moments like the evening Stede was having. His brain wouldn’t stop, so he took matters into his own hands. IF he was full of food to the point his body strained against his choices, he didn’t have to think.

Simple enough of a plan.

It was easy to get lost in the process of eating, ignoring his brain and its unending thoughts annoying him.

He pushed back the idea that the habit was bad, he knew it was bad, never told anyone he did it or that he liked it, that his brain was broken in several ways, and he liked that particular flavor of it.

He didn’t have to think, he knew the important facts, Ed wasn’t about to walk in on him and say he was being gross, Ed was unlikely to come back in the near future at all, and he knew damn well how to deal with it. He should talk about it, discuss his feelings, but eating until his feelings filled to nothing was more than what he could handle.

God knows poor Lucius tried to help. Asked to talk about it damn near daily, even if he probably wasn’t too terribly interested in a bitterly sad middle aged man’s failed attempts at finding love.

For a customer. As if the relationship they had was deeper than occasional banter and a glancing brush of fingertips.

Stede wanted more, was desperate for more, but the void couldn’t be filled with Ed’s touch, his mouth or his body pressing against his own.

The void could, however, be filled with food. Barely swallowing to cram more in, feeling his throat almost protest.

He arched his back for a split second, then hissed in pain. He’d already eaten too much too quickly and felt his belly complain. His pants dug into his skin to the point of further pain, so he undid them, trying not to break the button off.

Keep going like this and you’ll look the part of the glutton, you know.

At least that’s not tonight.

He kept eating, and absently pressed the heel of his hand into his side. There was slightly more padding than he remembered where he touched. He grimaced and straightened, eyeing the food he had left to eat.

A glutton can finish damn near anything, right?

Might as well try my best, then clean up the mess and go home to sleep this off. Maybe I’ll feel better in the morning.

He finished what he laid out, groaning in pain at his overestimation of his limits, cleaned up after the mess he’d left, got his things, locked the door, and went home.

He talked himself into sleeping in his bed even if he didn’t want to walk all the way to his bedroom, since he’d be especially sore if he slept on the couch. He also wanted to get good sleep and he’d only manage that in a real bed.

Stede barely bothered to take off enough clothes to be comfortable, refusing to change because that would mean looking at himself and experiencing the conflicted emotion of liking how he looked as full as he felt and feeling disgusting for liking what he saw and changing into something that would be exactly as uncomfortable to wear.

Comfort didn’t matter, though, as exhaustion clouded his brain and body enough that he fell asleep without much effort.

Past the stomachache and still negative opinions of the matter, he had an idea. More of a request really, but he knew he could do something to ease the anxiety surrounding the situation. He just had to swallow his pride, as if he had any, and ask for some help from his employee. Again. He was more successful in matters of emotion anyway. He could get his help, sort things out and it would work out. If Ed came back in the first place. If he didn’t, that could be closure in itself. He thought Lucius called it ghosting, when one person is ignored for seemingly no reason and all communication stops abruptly.

Ed couldn’t have ghosted him, though.

Definitely.  And if he did, he was almost not worth the pining and desperation.

The next morning, at the exact instant Lucius walked in, Stede politely cornered him.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Stede asked.

“You’re gonna have to be specific on what you want.”

“Will you promise to not think I’m being pathetic?”

“Will you listen to me when I say ‘yes Stede that’s incredibly pathetic?’ It’s about Ed, right?”

He was predictable as all hell and about half their conversations were about that man lately. It wasn’t a hard guess. “It is. I can stand here and look repentant while you tell me I’m pathetic if that’s what it takes.”

“What’s the favor? I don’t have a lot of things I’d say no to for you, but I’d rather know before I agree.”

“Well… can you maybe… talk to ed for me just to figure out if he likes men and is single? Without embarrassing me. I trust you wouldn’t, I just want to make sure you won’t.”

“Yeah, I’ll do it for you.” He was cut off by Stede trying to cut in before he was finished. “If you promise me you’ll talk to him as soon as I find out he’s incredibly into men and thinks you’re very possibly the most adorable man alive because forcing me to try to see if he likes you is very cute. A tiny bit pathetic but I think he’s the type to think your desperation is cute.”

Stede blanched, offended, then the expression shifted to worry. “I’m not— maybe I am desperate. Is that a bad thing?”

“Not if he likes you. Playing like you’re not into him won’t go well, judging by how he’s taking the idea you’re married. He’s gonna take it personally.”

“You don’t know he’s miserable.”

“I’m looking at an upset man right now. I don’t think he’s doing fine. If he was, you’d be seeing him. As in dating him. One more thing you need to promise me.”

“What is it?”

“You will be forward with him. When you explain everything, you need to actually act like you like him. Maybe try to get his number and actually use it. I’ll teach you how to talk to him if I have to, I can’t handle you being this sad forever.”

“No, I’m sure I’ll just take up knitting and make sweaters for my growing collection of cats,” he snapped.

“Could be cute. Really I think you’ll be done being all doom and gloom when he comes back and I go hi Ed who I’ve spoken to… once, do you like men particularly the nervous blond ones about your age, and when he says ‘oh yeah I really do they’re great, I can tell you that and you can say hi Ed here’s my number can I call and/or text you and he says yes and gets his food and leaves.”

“You really planned that out.”

“I just know how you two talk. So, promise you’ll act like you really like him and won’t play hard to get, or act weirdly to him and make him think he hates you?”

“Absolutely,” Stede promised.

***

Deciding to go to a place and getting to the door and looking at the sign and staring at the door were really different things. Ed readjusted his jacket for very possibly the hundredth time in an hour, fussed with his hair and took the handle of the door in his hand.

Opening the fucking door was hard too, it turned out. It wasn’t locked, the sign on the door said open, but it was a mental thing, opening a door, making his wrist and arm and shoulder work together to get the damn thing open.

He finally opened the door, and finally, after a fucking month of binging and pining and putting it off, he saw Stede.

Then he went bright red and almost ran into the back.

Hello to you, too.

Then, to add insult to injury, the young guy—Lucius, that was his name as far as Ed could remember—stood in his place.

“Hey, you’re Ed, right?”

“Y-yeah. Guess Stede told you about me.”

“One of his favorite regulars? Course he has. God, if I hadn’t, I’d be worried he hated you. Obviously, it’s all been good things, he likes talking about you.”

“His favorite, huh?” I don’t trust you after the way he ran out like something was on fire, but fine, his favorite regular.

“Absolutely. Along that line, if you’re not in a hurry, I’ve got a couple questions to ask you, not for me but for a friend of mine.”

“Yeah, sure, I’m not busy today, might as well humor you before I get my fix,” Ed joked uneasily. He figured the friend was Stede, since he was probably a little young to know more than one guy who was middle-aged. Probably. But Stede was married, and this charade was to figure out how awkward it was gonna be if he dropped by again to get a probably weird amount of food at once and then come back a few days later as if he had devoured what he’d gotten in the time. So far it looked grim, and Stede’s employee was… trying to figure out things about him in a platonic way for a friend or his. Fucking weird.

“Great. So... First off, and I have to say it again, I’m asking for a friend and not me. Do you happen to be single?”

“Yeah, I am.” Scratch the platonic bit, I guess. But he’s still married, so what the hell’s he trying?

“Great! Do you happen to like men? You’re not my type I swear, you’re very much not someone I’d date. The friend of mine would. I’ve never seen anyone more his type than you, even if I thought he’d have different taste.”

“I do, yeah. Tell that friend of yours that he’s adorable, sweet of him to have you ask me if I’d be interested.”

“He’s something.”

“So, did something get Stede’s attention in the back? I saw he hurried out like something was burning.”

Lucius had a complicated expression. “No, but, actually, I think he’s fine, if it’s not, I’ll just come back out. One sec.”

Ed then saw Lucius grin and turn around to disappear out of sight and into the back where Stede was.

Then a short argument broke out, with Lucius saying something muffled by the door along the lines of ‘you can go talk to him,’ and Stede whining and saying, ‘you keep saying that like it’s easy.’

***

Stede was very rudely interrupted from his mortification and worrying by Lucius, and he wasn’t going to give up on his very sound idea.

“C’mon. go talk to him.”

“But—”

“Just do it, or I’ll shove you out there and make you talk to him.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I so would. You’re so desperate for him and that leather, just go get it.”

Stede grimaced. “That’s so reductive!”

“Go. Now. Otherwise, he’s gonna think you’re too busy and hurry out like he’s got plans I’m very sure he doesn’t have.”

“Fine,” Stede muttered.

Stede turned and walked back to the counter and almost tripped as if he’d been pushed. Looking at Ed was incredibly distracting in the best of times but seeing him fresh after a month of playing out conversations in his head alone was… particularly distracting.

Mainly it was the very new inches of separation between the sides of his jacket, revealing a very tight shirt that looked to similarly be nearly unwearably tight. He looked unfairly good like that, and Stede wanted very badly to swat his hands away from their nervous readjusting of his jacket so he could keep staring.

Staring. Right. He was doing that.

Say something smart, you idiot, you know you can. You’re so good at saying things when you don’t need to so why won’t you say something when it’s polite to? He shook himself of the feeling as subtly as he could and managed to speak.

“So. You came back,” he said, accidentally forgoing a welcome back or a hello.

Ed shrugged. “Hard to keep myself way for too long. Really though, I just got sorta busy, then I didn’t drop in as much as I wanted to.

He wants to see me! “I should probably preface this and take more of your time today, I was… that friend Lucius was mentioning, with the… slight crush on you.”

“Did he forget to mention the way I said it was cute the friend of his was so nervous? Really, I’ve just got the one problem with you telling me that. You have a wife, don’t you?”

“No! Not a wife, an ex-wife. Important distinction, particularly legally, but of course ethically too. I was with her for a while, we have two children together. She called me to sort out a custody setup and scheduling issue. It was an amicable split, between us, and I think you can guess why it happened as it did. She, uh, wasn’t exactly my type.” He winced sheepishly.

Ed’s expression eased, and he grinned. “Yeah, women aren’t really my type either, in case he forgot another detail of the talk we had a minute ago.”

Stede was doing his best to not let his eyes wander any lower than they had to, but he glanced down embarrassed with his own ineptitude, and it got worse as he glanced too low and his eyes wandered again, making him go red with more embarrassment. He ignored the feeling and wrenched his eyes where they belonged and smiled, hoping it looked relaxed. “That’s great. Actually, um, I think we should exchange numbers, in case something like that happens again. I’m hoping you won’t mind, since honestly, I’d like to be able to talk to you, outside here.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” Ed asked, feigning offense, trying to get Stede to smile again rather than try to shrink into himself.

The idea worked of course, leave it to Ed to know exactly how charming he was. “Never! I want to talk to you more often, not less. I’d enjoy it if you dropped by more often, I just know not everyone can handle that much of me or sugar so often.”

“Don’t underestimate me. And here. I was gonna give you mine too, you beat me to the punch on that, same reasons, if I get busy like I was again, you can ask me and not assume I got scared or hate you or whatever.”

“Of course.” Stede nearly dropped his phone pulling it out and nearly mistyped his number twice trying to type in Ed’s number but set up a contact under Ed Teach and sent a message reading: Hi, it’s Stede.

“Yup. Got it,” he said, setting up a contact in kind. “Not that your nervousness isn’t adorable, because it is, you’re really sweet and I like how much you don’t want to fuck this up, I gotta tell you something. You really need to know that I’m not gonna bite you, unless you ask, but I don’t think you would, least not here, kinda unprofessional to ask a customer to use his teeth on you, especially in front of your employee. Either way, don’t be nervous, I’m not scary, ignore the ink and leather.” Ed smiled, and Stede grimaced.

“The absolute worst thing to say to a nervous man is ‘don’t be nervous.’ That doesn’t really help, not when you’re… you, and standing there, being you, and smiling at me like that. I’m also no good at this. Its utterly unfair.”

“You’re doing great. How about this: if you fuck it up with me, just say I’m banned, I won’t come back. I’d hate to never see you again, but if you thought it was a fitting punishment for us both… I’d have to deal with the consequences.”

“That isn’t comforting.”

“Then forget about trying to not be weird, I’m probably twice as weird as you’re gonna be, although I haven’t forgotten about someone’s side business that he runs in the same kitchen as his actual work.”

“Right… I can read the headlines already, local man dead after pastry mishap.”

“You could poison me. No evidence you fucked the interaction up that way, although I’d rather you talk than resort to poison, but I can live with that. Killed by a hot guy who runs a bakery and thought I was hot enough to get a phone number from, that’s a hell of a way to go. Although, you always look happy to see me, so it’s hard to believe you’d even think of hurting me.”

“Because I wouldn’t. side business or no, the things you get are clean and clear of all added ingredients that would be deadly, minus potential allergens.”

“Good. Eaten enough of it by now I’d either be immune to it or dead. Along that line, can I get what I was after? I wanted to see you again, but I also came for sweets.”

“No, that was it, just the crush bit and getting your number after the whole… divorce issue got cleared up.”

“I hope you use my number, outside of the one message, or else I’ll have to, and I’ll have you know I am an obnoxious texter.”

“You may have to bear with me when I do, my oldest, she’s made fun of me several times when I try to ask about her day over text, she says it sounds like an old man is writing an email. And now I’m talking again, go ahead and order, I’ll get you set, and you can head home.”

 Ed paused for a second before breaking into a grin. “I sort of missed the food when I was away, might end up overindulging a little.”

“The name of the business is overindulging, I hope you’re aware of that, especially by now.” [hr tried not to rake his gaze over him like he’s meat, he’s better than that, even if he could almost calculate the exact effect the sweets had on his body just by looking at him.

“After seeing you often enough that you realize I haven’t come back, I’d hope you didn’t mind the overindulging.”

“it’s never an issue. So, do you need my suggestions, or have you had something in mind?”

“I have a few favorites but… I do need your help, if you don’t mind it.”

“I never mind.”

Stede tried not to go red as he got what he’d asked for, knowing it was more than he remembered him getting. With how he looked… it wasn’t surprising he could eat more, but he couldn’t think about that he had to think about anything else, like things that weren’t seeing how much his clothes strained against his body and how it would feel to feed him a pastry instead of eating by himself. His mouth probably felt nice, soft, like the rest of him. But that was uncalled for. Ed then asked for recommendations, like usual, grinning like he had no idea what Stede was thinking, or was noticing about how he looked, how much bigger he’d gotten in a month without seeing him. Stede did suggest more than normal, he asked, and honestly, Ed was an adult who could say no, but he was eager to try everything Stede suggested he try. It was impossible not to imagine the effect those would have on his body, the fact he’d wither break his clothes or realize he was outgrowing them soon enough not to break seams or buttons.

Those few minutes were going to live for months in Stede’s dreams and nightmares.

After asking if that was all, and after Ed nodded, slightly sheepish, he paid, got his food, and just before he stepped back, Stede cut in.

“I’d like to get your feedback, when you try what you got today, since you’ve got my cell and all. Any excuse to chat is a good one, I think, especially if you’d want to.”

“Yeah, I can do that for you. See you later.”

“See you!”

The instant the door closed, Lucius was standing behind him, grinning very smugly. He was right, it did go fine, and he got the guy’s number, and he didn’t scare him and—Stede had to get the first word in before his employee could. “You told me so. I know you told me so, and now you don’t get the joy of telling me that.”

“See? I did tell you it would be fine. I was actually going to say that I’m proud of you. Also of course I was right, I could tell he was desperate the first time I met him. He’s obsessed with you. That’s obvious now, right?”

Naturally he was going to get treated like a child by Lucius and lectured. He deserved that. “You were right, and I should have trusted you. I got his number, even. Aren’t you proud of me? Being forward with him even though it made me incredibly nervous.”

“I said I was, that’s part of why. More proof that sometimes you have to throw someone into the deep end, and let them swim, because that worked out perfectly. Actually, I think I remember someone incredibly smart told you that, about ten times over, didn’t he?”

“Don’t be mean about it,” Stede muttered. “Told you that you were right, you can rub it in if that’s the favor you want.”

“I’m being nice. Trust me, I can be meaner than that, and you’d know. Seriously, though, you did great, I didn’t expect you to be able to snag his cell number. That just means you should ask him out soon, or he’ll ask you if neither of you get too nervous to talk about wanting to actually date and not just admit to your massive crushes on each other.”

“And I tried to set him up to talk to me, so I wouldn’t agonize over it.”

“You’re learning. Good job,” Lucius said.

“Don’t patronize me.”

“Sorry, really though, you’re doing great, don’t worry about fucking it up.”

“What if he realizes I’m… me?”

“I think he already knows. I think he likes it.”

“And what if it becomes that much clearer that I’m like this all the time and its not a cute quirk of mine and more of a neurosis?”

“He’s gonna find it cute anyway, cutest neurosis anyone’s ever had. Seriously, that guy is obsessed with you, nothing can ruin that.”

“I’m really good at ruining things, though.”

“When you don’t like doing something you ruin it accidentally. You’re doing fine running this place, speaking of, too much nervous energy to let me stay around?”

“A bit. I promise I’ll be fine alone.”

“Fine. Just talk to the guy, for his sake, I think he’d make himself sick seeing you as often as he seems to want to.”

And I am going to feel very ill when I’m done with all the nervous energy. “I know. I will, soon as he talks to me, I’ll reply to him. just need time to think before then.”

“It’ll go fine, thinking or not. Have a good night.”

“You too,” Stede replied.

Sure, his thinking involved eating a copious amount of food as of late, which his pants were beginning to have their very irritating disagreements about, but really, there were dozens of worse vices. He could be drinking or gambling to excess. Also, it sort of helped him think, or not think about things that made him feel worse. Sure, he felt worse, but his brain felt less horrible if his stomach hurt.

Just before he tore into the pile of food he’d taken, his phone vibrated. His heart sank, trying to remember if he’d forgotten anything and had to come up with a lie for Mary that made him sound less forgetful and inept. Then, he actually fished his phone out from his pocket, and looked at the notification, a text from Ed Teach.

Stede picked what was going to serve as his dinner up with one hand, ready to type his reply with his other hand.

***

Ed barely managed to sit down on his couch before he shoved a pastry into his mouth. He’d gone easy at lunch because he was so fucking nervous, and he was starving.

Halfway through his second, he realized he’d forgotten something important.

Stede wanted to hear how the food was.

He fished his phone out of his pocket, taking the opportunity to undo his pants and wriggle them lower on his hips before he broke the button or that same button started to really dig in, and started typing.

Ed: Hey, I hate to look so desperate but I really did miss getting my fix. I’m already digging into what I got. As usual it’s great.

Stede’s reply was, very cutely, almost immediate, like he was waiting on him to text.

Stede: Oh! I’m glad to hear that. I’d hate to think I’ve gotten rusty in the time you were busy.

Ed scoffed.

Ed: As if you’d get worse. I wasn’t gone for a year, you know. I can tell when a guy is fishing for compliments, too, even if he’s playing coy with me.

Y’know I still don’t know how you don’t eat half your stock every day.

He licked sugar off his fingertips, halfway wishing someone else had put their fingers in his mouth, particularly the blond man he was texting. He groaned, frustrated with the thought, and pushed the it out of his head, and looked back at his phone, seeing he’d been replied to again already.

Stede: Ah, that’s the thing, I do occasionally eat some of the things that don’t sell by closing, I let Lucius take some home to share as well, and I donate some things too. All that combined takes out the temptation, I think. Mainly the occasional indulgences. I can be a bit insatiable. I also don’t much care about my profit margins, its more passion and hobby than career for me, in case I’ve not told you.

Ed laughed a little. You and me both on the insatiable front. But the last part intrigued him.

Ed: Yeah? How’s it a passion project?

Stede: Well, it’s a long story. You ready for that?

Ed: I love a long story. It popcorn worthy?

Stede: It’s not a particularly fun or dramatic one, I’m afraid. My father ran a company until the day he died, practically, convinced I’d run it terribly, telling me as much most days, but I didn’t and still don’t have siblings to take it over in my stead. I worked there for a couple of years after he passed, childishly, to prove the man wrong. It turned out no one pretends to like you much if you’re replacing a highly tolerated man, and you aren’t tolerated so well. I was no good at it, much like the situation with my ex. I sold the business after that, divorced Mary a few revelations down the road. Then I opened the bakery, after some sage advice on following my old hobbies when I was rebuilding my life after the major shakeups.

Sorry to bring down the mood, I’m sure you expected more of a happy story about me wanting to run a place like the Sweetest Revenge when I was young or something like that.

Even through text on a screen, Ed could tell he was wincing apologetically.

Ed: It’s not on you, I was nosy as fuck and pried into your past.

Stede: It wasn’t prying, you asked a valid question. To lighten the mood and since you asked earlier, I do happen to be eating a bit of my leftover stock tonight as we speak. I was sitting down to eat them when you texted me. You’re very lucky it’s closing time, and I’ve already cleaned up enough to relax for a bit.

Ed: I am lucky. I get to talk to you and eat the pastries I got earlier.

Stede: So, was this more that you wanted to talk to me again or because I asked for your feedback over text?

Ed: Little of both. Can you blame me? I like talking to you, and the food is legitimately really good. Mainly I didn’t go back in cause of the wife thing.

Stede: If I can sound pitiful, Lucius told me that was probably why. I personally thought it was because I scared you off.

Ed: Shit, and I usually do the scaring. I don’t scare easy, in case you were curious.

Stede: Really? I just don’t see that in you. The sweet smile usually gives you up, plus that sweet tooth you’ve got.

Ed: The leather and tattoos are what people see first. And I can look mean. I just choose not to when I’m around you. Also, you’re funny, so it’s hard not to smile.

There was a long pause, Ed managed to keep eating, uninterrupted, only slightly nervous he fucked up and was too forward.

Stede: That’s really nice of you to say. I was cleaning up a bit more, sorry.

Thank fuck, he thought, biting into a pastry. Glad I'm not fucking it up now of all times.

Ed: Am I keeping you from finishing up?

Stede: A bit, but I like this distraction. You’re fun to talk to. I let Lucius head home before I took my pastries. Sort of a late dinner I suppose.

Ed: Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna eat a real dinner tonight. I won’t tell if you won’t.

Stede: Of course not. If it were my children, I’d have to tell them it’s not a proper dinner, but the two of us are without supervisors.

Ed: Thank God for that, right?

Stede: Truly.

He thought idly about asking him out on a date, and thought about when he could get new clothes, he didn’t really want to see Stede again when he could barely get dressed. He watched the indicator type and stop for several minutes until another message popped up from Stede.

So, I’d like it a lot if you dropped by sometime soon, sooner than later, it’s easier to talk face to face. Are there days that work better for you?

Ed: I should ask you that, you’re the one who’s busy working.

Stede: Ah, that’s why I hired Lucius, he can handle the counter almost anytime.

Ed: Right. I’m usually better off not being busy on weekend afternoons. Probably less busy for you too.

Stede: This upcoming Saturday afternoon work?

Ed: Gives me enough time to get clothes, and make sure I won’t act or look stupid.

Works for me, Ed answered.

Stede’s reply came fast, belying the idea the wasn’t excited about the idea.

It’s a date, then!

Chapter Text

During a quiet moment, Stede cornered Lucius. It was becoming a ritual at a certain point, Stede getting nervous about taking any steps towards a romantic relationship with ed, and almost instantly, after the prerequisite worrying, he found his ever-loyal employee who was almost definitely getting done with his shit.

At least he was a good sport, as far as Stede knew outwardly. He was nicer than most about his various neuroses. The ones he knew existed, anyway.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” It was the same way a solid portion of their conversations went lately, and Lucius hadn’t said no yet, but still he wanted to get an answer before making a stupid request again.

Lucius, eventually doomed to be sick of his relentlessness and quit, smiled. He wasn’t tired of him yet, thank goodness. “You’re gonna owe me, but go for it.”

Stede breathed out and steeled his nerves. “Could you maybe watch the counter for me sometime tomorrow afternoon? A couple of hours at most.”

Lucius grinned. “Yeah, I can, but why?”

Stede flushed. He knew this was going to happen. “Well, I may have invited Ed to talk, and I’m never really off work when I’m here.”

“A date, huh? You asked your guy on a date here. Of course you did. Very you.”

“Ed, and technically, yes, I did. The word date did come up when I said the time worked for me. Was it bad?”

“Not unless you’re that ashamed of asking him out. It was a cute idea, but… you do work here.”

“I own the place, actually,” Stede corrected. “And it was a bad idea, I know. I acted on impulse, and he didn’t say it was a bad idea. Hindsight.”

“I didn’t say it was bad…” Lucius started, out of excuses for his own behavior.

“You only implied it heavily. You can say I’m out of luck if you hate the idea.”

“It was a cute idea. I’m sorry, he thinks you’re great, and that removes any and all judgment I have about where you’re going to for a date. Just next time you get the idea to ask him out, consider maybe your place, or anywhere that you don’t work.”

“He liked my idea! I still have the text logs to prove it.”

“Just watching the counter for you during the date, right? Shouldn’t be busy, I almost feel bad asking for a favor, but not that bad.”

 “Which I feel twice as self-conscious about asking you to do than I did not even five minutes ago.”

“I really am sorry for being bitchy about it, I know you’re rusty on dating and don’t give me the disappointed look, it’s true. It’ll go fine, I don’t want to cockblock your very sweet date.”

He grimaced at his choice of words. “Then you’ll help me out?”

“I never said I wouldn’t.”

“Of course. Insinuating my idea was awful and making fun of me.”

“It sounds sweet, especially if he was into the idea.”

“He was. He’s very into what I make, thankfully, it apparently covers my ineptitude.”

“You’re doing fine with him, just not my style, which is fine, I think you’d rather die than take half my advice.”

“Things would probably be going faster if I would.”

Lucius grinned. “Yeah? How?”

“Anything but being this pathetic.”

“You’re doing fine, given your whole situation, I wouldn’t expect you to be that bold.”

“Thank you.”

“Any time.”

***

The date idea was awful, he shouldn’t have trusted Lucius saying it sounded like a decent idea.  It only felt worse as he sat at the counter, getting excited seeing shadows for an hour.

Then, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Almost certainly Ed. He was lucky no one else texted him.

Be there in a few minutes.

Great! Looking forward to seeing you.

He was, just maybe, in more of the emotional excited to go on a date way and less physically seeing him again.

He got distracted enough when he came in last time, jacket undone, shirt practically molded to his body.

It was going to be an ordeal.

A few minutes passed and Ed wasn’t late. It was immediately clear that the idea was truly awful when he caught a glimpse of him in the doorway, the bell jingling and catching his attention.

Ed walked up to the counter like nothing had happened and this was just one of his usual visits. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Stede said, instantly distracted by the sight of him yet again.

His shirt seemed slightly less tight than the last one he’d seen him in, but it still wasn’t leaving much to the imagination, clinging to his belly as blatantly as it was. The jeans he had on were almost pulling at his thighs, which didn’t help his feelings about how he looked lessen even a little bit.

It was honestly unfair that he looked so gorgeous, especially with Stede knowing damn well he wasn’t going to do a damn thing about it, to avoid looking like a pervert.

 …Which he was already doing inadvertently because he forgot that polite conversation between himself and a customer went two ways, and not just the one. It probably went double for situations where the customer was also someone he was trying to go on a date with.

It was going to be a very long conversation if this was what his brain thought of Ed looking absolutely normal (plus the weight he’d definitely gained when he’d disappeared for a month).

After narrowly avoiding the urge to mentally undress the man he hardly even knew outside of his innate taste for any types of sweets, Ed started talking.

“I thought I saw you reply to my text. I didn’t surprise you, did I?”

He’s only saying that because you are staring. Staring is incredibly impolite, and you know better. You know how to be polite and not stare, so eyes up and make conversation.

Stede swallowed hard. “Not at all, you just look nice.”

Ed grinned like he wasn’t expecting a compliment, and hooked his thumb though a belt loop. “Yeah? Thanks. It feels less ominous of a stare when I know you’re not in shock. You look nice too, for the record. How’s business?”

“The usual. Not so busy we’re swamped, but not so empty I’m counting ceiling tiles to pass the time until I get to close. But that aside, what can I get you? I figure we can sit and chat once you get anything you’re after if you want anything. I asked Lucius to watch the counter, even if it gets less busy later in the day.”

“You know that’s dangerous to say to the guy who wants to make a good impression, right?”

“I run this place, Ed, if I ever wanted to judge anyone for having a sweet tooth, I’d have to close the place and find something else to do. I’m not going to judge you, I swear. You also cant scare me off. If what you’ve told me is true, and based on how my employee told me about you when you met him, I think if I was going to be intimidated, it would’ve been when we met.”

“Yeah, the tattoos usually do most of the scaring, or the way I usually come off when people meet me.”

“I can see that happening, especially based on the tattoos, a few more than I thought you had.” He could see his arms without his usual jacket on, a lot more snakes and skulls than the typical non-intimidating man would have. His taste for sweets did wonders on making him less scary looking, that and his smile and the softness in his eyes. He realized how impolite that sounded and added, “they suit you, of course.”

“I get it. The jacket covers most of them, leather is probably scarier than the skulls and everything else on my arms. And the snake. It kept me out of trouble, then I ran out of canvas. And your hands only get ink when your arms are covered, when it’s pretty obvious you either don’t care about having a respectable job or your job doesn’t care.”

“Of course. Still, impolite of me to say that. You look nice by the way, I don’t think I've ever seen you without the leather jacket on.”

Ed grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, it got kinda worn out on me, and I got a little too lazy to get a new one, I’m lucky it’s not been that cold out.”

His tone was off with his reasoning. Also, knowing how he looked, and how it was unzipped the last time he came in… the real reason was sort of obvious. Stede swallowed, coming to the inevitable conclusion. “Sure,” he managed.

“That new?” He asked, eyeing the cake he had on the counter.

“No, just something I make on occasion. If you’d like to try it–”

“Sure. You said I can’t scare you, guess I’m gonna test you on that.”

Stede cut a slice out and finished setting up his order, insisting on paying for him, since it was his idea. Then he paused, hesitating as he tried to stop staring at Ed, the way his jaw looked so soft, under the beard, at least. His face looked filled in too. It suited him beautifully, but—

“Should we sit?” Ed asked, blissfully unaware of what Stede was thinking.

But, manners had to win out, of course. And he’d left Ed to make up for his deficits at least twice already. “Yes, we should.”

He already knew he wasn’t the take a guy home on the first date type, which was irritating when the man he was so attracted to was right there looking the effortlessly gorgeous way he always did, hair tied up halfway haphazardly enough it looked purposeful. It would be a great torture method, forcing the inept to see someone they liked a great deal and wanted to be around and not be able to do a damn thing about it because it wasn’t polite to say things he wanted to say without the proper context.

The context that he could have sworn he’d gained weight since meeting him. to be fair, it was becoming increasingly obvious, looking at him and attempting to not stare at him and feel like a complete pervert about him. The comment on his jacket all but proved it, but…

It was too much to consider for a date, a first date at that. He’d sort it out later, and tell him about the slight wrinkle to his attraction to him later. Later was more comforting than it happening, say, in earshot of his employee who had absolutely zero business knowing what specific kinds of men he was attracted to.

It was far from the only thing he liked, but if Ed wasn’t eager to be told that the fact he’d gotten increasingly fat in the months they’d seen each other was hot, it would make things awkward.

So, Stede had to keep it in his pants and his blood away from his face so he wouldn’t end up resembling a tomato by the end of the date, and hold down the comments he would certainly want to make watching him eat.

Ed was clued into the silence almost immediately.

“I’m not making you nervous, am I?”

A bit. “No, I’m just completely out of practice with dating.”

“That makes two of us.”

“I can’t imagine that you’d be out of practice. I understand my situation, but if you’re out of practice, it must really be hard to get into the dating scene. Really, no one’s been hounding you relentlessly for your number?”

“Shockingly, no. Last guy I dated was a dick, kinda put me off dating for a while, which is around the time I realized I didn’t mind the peace and quiet. Then I saw this guy at a bakery that I wanted to visit on an impulse, kept talking to him, evidently, I charmed the hell out of him and here I am.”

“I didn’t trust myself to really date after the divorce, minus Lucius making me try it out so I could really say that modern dating wasn’t for me.”

Ed chuckled. “Modern, huh? What, was your marriage arranged for you?”

Stede smiled and winced uncomfortably. “You figured that one out quick. It was. My parents invited young eligible women over for dinner over multiple years to… arrange a marriage with one of them, eventually, when I grew out of the childish ways I had been so stubbornly stuck into. Suffice to say, they wore me down, mainly the apologies when things got awkward were getting to be pointed after I was pushed to talk to them, and I gave in, figuring that one of two things would happen. Either I’d eventually love whoever was chosen for me, or… that romance wasn’t for me.”

Ed scoffed. “That’s fucking draconian.”

“I should’ve told them as much and that I didn’t want their help after the first victims, but I was naïve at the time. My mother, when she was a new widow, also laid the guilt on very heavily saying she’d like to see me with a wife, children, if possible, before she passed. But what’s done is done, and I think Mary and I are better off now than we ever were before. She’s happy, I’m happy, our kids are… dealing, I think. They adore their stepfather as far as I’ve heard, and I’m doing my best to be a parent, working with my ex-wife as best as I’m able.”

“I was kidding about the arranged marriage thing, fuck. Misery loves company, right? May as well tell you about my parents, not that there’s much to tell. I left home when I was a teenager, so I didn’t hear too many 'and when are you gonna settle down with a nice girl?' talks. Kinda glad I avoided that, kinda glad I didn’t now. No big deal anymore, reconnected with my mom after a while, when my dad was dead. She did alright for herself after the extra mouth to feed fucked off.”

“I’m sure she didn’t think of you that way.”

“She probably didn’t, but when your old man calls you that, it sticks in your head. Sorry I can’t make the mood much lighter, kind of depressing as far as first dates go.”

Stede smiled wryly. “The arranged marriage I admitted to having previously, or when we both admitted to having dead fathers?”

“Both.”

“I wasn’t about to lie, and you were making a joke, I understand it all too well. If you don’t make light of it, it just feels worse.”

“Yeah. After the shit he put me through, I’m kind of past the anger part and into the making shitty jokes about him phase.”

“One of the many stages of grief, off-color jokes,” Stede said, grinning.

“Exactly. Not to change the subject on you this suddenly, but, I’m kind of eating in front of you. Did you want to grab anything? You’re kind of on break, so I get it if you’re hungry.”

He nearly said no, but he realized an important thing: food made for a fantastic distraction. “You have good ideas. I sort of forgot on my own.”

“I don’t know how you’d forget, if I was you there’d be almost nothing left to sell with my appetite.”

“That’s quite the compliment from you. And I do sometimes indulge, usually it’s things that would go stale, after I’ve given the majority of it to anyone who wanted it to share or have for themselves, or donated to various places.”

“Shouldn’t have told me that. You have another way to get rid of pastries right here.”

The look on Stede’s face nearly gave him away, he was lucky he was getting his own probably-dinner from the case. The idea of Ed eating them—or feeding him a great deal of pastries or basically anything else was tantalizing.

Except it was a terrible thing to think about a man who was innocently sitting and making conversation.

“I’ll absolutely keep you in mind. I usually can’t have too many people to give things to, not that I have that much that doesn’t sell, it’s that I don’t have a very deep pool of people so interested in what I make as well as me personally who can, ah, handle the excess quite so often. But that’s kind of intense of a thing to say to you, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little, but I don’t mind it. how’d you get into baking? I can’t really imagine it’s a latent hobby from you.”

“My mother. She put up with my nonsense to keep me quiet. I also clung to her to avoid my bastard father, who got onto the both of us for and I quote ‘indulging his feminine predilections.’ To his credit, he wasn’t quite wrong, but still… not a great thing to say in front a young child.”

“Shit. Yeah. Should’ve guessed your dad was shitty with you too.”

“There were a few reasons I was quite the avid reader back then. I still do read just… for pleasure and not to imagine a better life I could be living.” He grimaced. “But I just offloaded my parental issues onto you.”

“Hey, you look up shitty dad in the dictionary, you’d see mine.”

“It’s a blessing that my children don’t ask why we don’t see their grandparents or ask what they were like anymore. I usually went for the classic they don’t particularly like children, which I thank my lucky stars that they didn’t understand when I told them that I was a child that they had before they’d both passed. My mother was kinder to me, but still steeped in tradition. Particularly within traditions that I did not fit into.”

“So, you said fuck that, I’ll start a bakery?”

“More or less, honestly. That’s the part I’ve told you. After I got divorced, I went through therapy, and my therapist asked what I wanted to do, newly out and incredibly terrified to live on my own again. She set it as homework. I thought on it, and decided sort of impulsively that I’d do this. I’ve only had to deal with my bullies a grand total of twice. The pair of them are on the incredibly short ban list.”

“Shit.”

Stede smiled uneasily, watching Ed dig his fork into the slice of cake and bring it to his mouth, trying desperately not to stare. Truthfully, he thought he might end up being the first case of spontaneous combustion at the sight of a very attractive man licking frosting off a fork in what had no right being a sensual act.

“I’ve never gotten to what your thoughts on what I’ve made without a delay before, so I have to ask. What do you think?”

Ed scoffed, and took another bite of cake very pointedly. “It’s great. Like everything else I’ve tried, it’s fucking amazing.”

Stede smiled. “I’m glad you think so. I always like a compliment, and yours are always welcome.”

“It helps that I think I like anything with enough sugar in it.”

“I’m not complaining. My regulars are usually fans of what I make.”

“Hey, it’s not just the sweets that keep me dropping by. But forgot to ask, how’d your bullies find you, anyway?”

“Internet. Tied me to the place, found the address and they both came by. First one by himself then later with his bastard brother. I made Lucius handle one of the twins, after I just about hit him in the face. He told me after he left that I should’ve punched him, even if I would’ve probably broken my hand doing it, after I told him that he was a childhood bully of mine. After that, the other one came along, and Lucius backed me up on banning them for life. It’s what they deserved after what they did when we were young, and for what he said to me and Lucius both when they saw us.”

“Sounds like he’s a good employee.”

“He is, I’m lucky to have him.”

“Seems like it.”

Stede noticed Lucius behind him, heading to the door. “And speak of the devil, it’s getting late, isn’t it?”

“I was gonna head home since it’s closing time, and no one’s come in for… since he got here. You’re on your own closing, because you still owe me, even if it was quiet.”

Stede nodded, happy to repay the favor, especially because he didn’t call Ed his guy again. “I know, and I can do that. Get home safe, alright?”

“You know I will. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he added ginning.

“I promise I’ll have him home by eleven, and I’ll help close, if he lets me.”

“He’s stubborn, so don’t count on it. see you tomorrow, Stede.”

“See you.” Stede half smiled, half grimaced, then when the door was solidly shut, with the sign flipped to closed, rather than open, he looked back at Ed.

He frowned at him in mock offense, freed of the various mental images of what Lucius would do, much less what he wouldn’t. “You gave me a curfew.”

“Why shouldn’t I have? I don’t think we’ll be talking that late, but if your employee leaves, I can’t just leave you to your own devices, gotta keep you out of trouble.”

“As if.”

Ed grinned. “Hey, it’s always the quiet ones, gotta watch out for them. I’m a decade out of the trouble making business, give or take, but you’ve never made that much trouble in your life, you could always make up for lost time, get into arson right when you’re left on your own.”

Stede laughed. “Or the evergreen poisoning. Or... both. The perfect crime, no evidence to be found. Flavorless poison and burning the scene of the crime to the ground, never get caught that way. Maybe you do need to keep me out of trouble.”

“You’re sure you’re not making trouble? Any mysterious fires you’re going to own up to? Any assholes you knew in school die suddenly?”

“Military causalities, actually.”

“Perfect cover story.”

“The best lies have a kernel of truth.”

“Really?”

“I thought we were lightening the mood, but a couple other bullies, yes. You see the memorial service posted about online, and it just so happens that you’re incredibly busy running your business among other things but send your very sincere condolences to the family.”

“Damn.”

Sted smiled tightly. “Spend enough time having to be polite, you learn to fake it. Or you finally take the training and lectures about your expression to heart.”

“Not with me though?”

“Never. I usually give the benefit of the doubt, then when I’ve got a read I can either politely menace my way into peace or… it seems like I ask them out on a date.”

“This is a habit for you?”

“God, no. You’re the first, it seems I ask my favorite regular out.”

“Damn, your favorite regular?”

“too forward? I hate to tell you this, but you do visit an awful lot to hate what I make. And, well, I take it you liked the cake.”

Ed looked down at the plate and back at Stede. “Yeah, it was great. Can’t get a thing past you.”

“You really want to help close? It’ll be incredibly boring.”

“It may be, but I made a promise to Lucius, may as well get on his good side, especially if he’s the type to convince you to punch a guy in the face and ban him and his brother for life.”

“I didn’t punch him! it was a near thing, but I didn’t. I have some self-control.”

“Punched or not, I can’t just lie to either of you, he seems nice, and I like you enough to be here, I may as well help if I can.”

“Fine, fine. You can take those plates to the back, I just need to get the ingredients together and make sure we’re not running low on anything, then wipe the countertop down and make sure everything’s clean. I’d offer a bonus treat but…”

Ed grinned, putting on his best doe-eyed look. “But what?”

“But nothing if you’re going to ask so nicely. I’ve got a few things that you can take, free of charge, call it payment for going beyond the call of politeness.”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t believe you’re this into what I make.”

“You can’t?”

“No, I sort of can. You aren’t allowed to get tired of it, though. If I’m allowed to ply you with baked goods, I’m absolutely never giving that up.”

“Demanding.”

“If it’s the way to your heart, I’ll happily abuse the power I have on you.”

“Forward too,” Ed noted, trailing Stede as they both went behind the counter and into the back of the bakery. “Cleaner than I thought it’d be.”

“Lucius probably got bored, cleaned up a bit between eavesdropping and his usual work,” dishwasher is there, I’m sure you can use one, I have to make sure my ingredients are prepped for the morning and make sure everything’s clean. Won’t be long, there’s a stool somewhere or other, if you feel like siting, if you want to stick around a bit.”

Ed found a stool and sat. Stede noted in a completely neutral way that he looked

“Anything else I can help with?” Ed asked.

Stede paused. “Is this just an excuse to squeeze a few more minutes out of our date?”

“Maybe.”

“Fine, fine, everything looks settled for tomorrow, so…. Let me find your unofficial payment,” he said, busying himself with opening the case again and finding what he was after, making himself a bag as well.

“Y’know, if you’re not careful I’m gonna find reasons to sneak by in the evenings just to get pastries.”

“I told you I have problems getting people to help me reduce the amount I have to donate or get rid of. I don’t mind having another resource to tap into when I need to, so, here. A bit staler than what you usually take I’m sure, but…” he handed Ed one of the bags, heavier than the one he kept for himself, but he knew his own limits plus the fact that he was going to probably eat more at home anyway.

“I get to talk to you, and I get bonus food. I don’t care if it’s a little older. Free food is free food, so thanks.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“Gotta keep you to curfew, can’t have Lucius get mad at me now, when I’ve worked so hard to charm you both. Should call it a night.”

“Bold of you to assume that you had to work to charm me. Lucius is his own story, but I think he’d at least be civil with someone I liked.”

“Glad you like me, especially if this is what happens on our dates. Assuming you want to, again?”

“Absolutely. But before you go, one thing?”

“Yeah?”

Stede pressed himself to Ed, kissing him, then pulled back. “There. Have a good night, Ed.”

“You too. Practically impossible not to now,” Ed replied, grinning. “Get home safe, too, can’t let your employee down, especially if his opinion of me relies so much on yours.”

“Naturally,” Stede replied, holding the door for Ed before locking it and going their separate ways home after a very successful first date.

Chapter Text

It was never going to get easier to tell Ed that he had a thing for larger men. It wasn’t going to be any less pointed, either, with Stede having seen him a few times in the weeks since their date, he got to see that his shirts were still tantalizingly tight on him.

Of course, every time he looked at him, he felt horrifically creepy, so he was already loathe to bring it up, and also he wasn’t comfortable talking about it in earshot of Lucius since he wanted to not seem strange in front of him. To be fair, he wasn’t dating his employee, he was dating Ed.

It probably wouldn’t last long if he kept cutting conversations short and cutting himself off from saying anything even mildly suggestive about Ed, though.

They agreed that the date was nice, and had gone well, but they hadn’t set anything up since. It was both their faults, but it felt more like it was Stede’s fault than Ed’s. Stede would’ve asked outright in person or through a text, but he couldn’t get over the elephant in his head about looking at him with any degree of desire again and forcing himself to try to remember the specifics of the social rules that never worked in his favor anyway.

He always ended up lingering a little too long and blushing a little at odd things.

Ed was going to take it very personally if he didn’t tell him.

Stede agonized or the ordeal before he thought about a way to use his last resort. Things were beginning to look dire enough to warrant needing his help.

He’d regret it, sure, but… damn it he needed the advice.

Stede sighed, got up from the stool after glancing at the sidewalk outside for the fifth time that hour, and making sure they’d have some quiet for at least a few more minutes and slipped into the back of the bakery, making Lucius sit up straight and act like he wasn’t killing time just like Stede had been, albeit less gloomily.

“Lucius, do you happen to be busy right now?”

He shook his head, shoving his phone into his pocket belatedly. “Something’s up.”

“I hate being this transparent with you, but yes, I need your advice.”

Lucius raised an eyebrow. “Must be bad, you want my advice. Or it’s about Ed, and that’s why you’re desperate. Either way, I want to help. Spill.”

“It’s not for me, necessarily, or about Ed, it’s… for a friend of mine,” Stede lied hastily.

“Okay. Must be really serious, you look like someone died. Did someone die? Did your guy kill someone and you need an alibi?”

“No! and no, it’s not about him, or murder. It’s sort of serious, it concerns my friend and a romantic relationship he’s sort of in a liminal space about.”

“Sounds just like your situation, but okay.”

“That’s why I need your advice. It’s about something he’s into, a particular type of guy he likes, it’s not the norm in the romantic or beauty standards sense. The guy he’s newly seeing fits into that type, or thing, but the problem is he has absolutely no idea if that person is doing the thing he’s doing on purpose.” Stede paused to take a breath, already terrified. “Also, it may seem a little pointed, if he says to the guy that he likes the thing he likes. That’s why he’s worried, that the guy will think he’s a pervert for the thing he’s into and doesn’t like the guy for who he is along with the thing. He also would love to not feel like a creep when he talks about it, but he’s never talked about it with anyone and it’s a mildly recent development, as in before he met the guy but still recent.”

“Okay. Stupid question, but has he tried to talk to his guy about it? Maybe he could explain it like he did to you, and you can just say that to him and make it clear it’s not an objectifying thing?”

Stede wilted. “No, he hasn’t.”

“Then your friend can try that first. And maybe tell that friend not to lie to his friend and employee. He knows he’s a gossipy bitch sometimes, but he can keep secrets, and really, if that friend is anything like you, I think whatever he likes is probably pretty normal. No offense, I just want details now and feel a little betrayed that you lied.”

“I—I appreciate your advice. But, what if that thing, benign as you think it is based off nothing but general stereotype, is something that makes the guy say he’s a pervert about something that is admittedly perverse?”

“Then the guy was a dick to you and was never right for you. Also, it can’t be that bad. Again, if the situation is like yours, you talked to the man about murder by poisoning, as small talk. If he thinks you’re weird now, he’s weirder than you—than your friend is. Again, no offense.”

“None taken, I’m well aware you know much cooler and more interesting people than this particular middle-aged divorcee.”

“And with Ed, he really seems like he won’t mind, he seems really obsessed with you. Or sweets but he looks so disappointed when he sees me instead of you. I can just about promise you it won’t creep him out or ruin whatever you have with him. that being said, are you sure you can’t tell me?”

“Positive. I’m not telling you. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I barely know what I’m doing and really don’t want you to know what it is, also, I’d rather crawl into a hole and die than explain it to you. Besides, it’s advice for a friend of mine.”

“You’re an awful liar, even after my very good advice.”

Stede scoffed. “I’m a fine liar, you’re just too good at reading me.”

“I won’t argue. Was that your favor? Just after my advice? I can’t believe you’ll listen to me. Must be complicated if you’re gonna listen to me after asking what you should do.”

“Because it’s the best advice you’ve given me yet. Not that you’ve given bad advice, it’s a me problem.” And the fact that why haven’t you kissed your guy yet, you really should, is not actionable advice for talking to the guy who thought you were married due to your oversharing.

“Old dogs and new tricks?” he asked, grinning.

Stede scowled. “I didn’t say I’d take insults, Lucius.”

“Sorry, sorry. Figure things out with your guy though, I can’t stand you being all indecisive and mopey about it when it’s going fine. And in the, like, one percent chance it goes badly, and he says he doesn’t want to keep dating you, and says mean things to you, just tell me it’s over between you, and I can ban his sorry ass permanently for breaking your heart. Also, I can bitch about him with you and say you were right the whole time, and that I’m never right when I get the vibe of a guy, even if that’s bullshit and I’m usually right, or I can take over a shift for you if Mr. leather and tattoos ends up being a dick, and you want to sit alone at your place and mope instead of working.”

Stede smiled tightly. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“I know. Was that it?”

“Plenty. Thanks again. I owe you one.”

“You do, and someone has to watch the counter,” Lucius said, grinning, already reaching for his phone again.

“Only because you gave me good advice.”

“Sure,” he said as Stede went back to sitting on his stool and waiting for time to pass by, with a new objective.

He dug his phone out and went to his text thread with Ed again. No one was coming in and he was terribly bored, even if he wasn’t going to ruin it by saying it was quiet.

Then, a new text popped up before he could type and retype the nicest way to say we need to talk, but not a bad talk. There wasn’t really a way to do that politely and he wanted to see his face before he tried to say anything about his interests.

Ed: Hey, I know I came by a couple of days ago, but I want to see you and I have a craving. Busy?

Stede: It’s been slow today, and you are always welcome to monopolize my time as my favorite regular. Lucius may tease me for it, but I think I can put up with his nonsense for your sake. Also, we need to talk about something a little too sensitive for the Sweetest Revenge and my employee’s ears, so I want to set up a date. Maybe we can talk about the details when you come in?

Ed: I was thinking the same about a date. It’s a plan.

Not even half an hour later, the door’s bell jingled, and Ed had made good on their texts.

Stede smiled immediately. “Ah. Welcome back.”

Ed walked up to the counter happily. “As threatened. So, you wanted to talk and set up a second date. I thought I’d have to set it up myself instead of waiting for you to ask me again.”

Stede heard snickering coming from the back and charitably ignored it. “I did, and I was nervous still, if you can imagine that. I hope it didn’t come off too sudden or odd, and the talking part is better if it doesn’t happen here. It’s sensitive in nature, like I said, so I’d rather not have someone eavesdrop on us when I talk to you about it.” He gestured to the back.

“Sure. Open to it, like I said, I was biding my time for you to be impatient and ask me out again.” He grinned easily.

It was going to devastate him if things didn’t go well. “And you had a craving. Good to know I can’t make you tired of what I make.”

“Maybe I also wanted to see the guy who runs this place, and was clearly very bored and wanted to see me.”

“Kind of you to rescue me from my boredom, Ed.”

“I’m curious what you want to say to me that your employee can’t hear, but I bet you won’t tell me until you’ve got me alone.”

“It’s really nothing bad, just something he has no business knowing about.”

“So, when are you free?”

“Would this weekend be too soon? I usually can get away with shorter hours then, so it would be easier on me that way. As for place… we could do mine?”

Ed grinned. “Or maybe you can let me take a little initiative. I’ll give you my address when it gets closer, if you don’t mind.”

“No, perfect. Around noon on Saturday?”

“Sure.”

“Now that’s settled, we can get into what you really came in for, besides chatting me up because I know you said you were wanting some of what I make.” He was already mentally planning to bring some sweets with him after work Saturday so he could sate his apparently more frequent cravings.

“Yeah. Bet it looks kinda greedy, me wanting more already, but I bet you hear it a lot.”

“Honestly, Ed, you could come in every day, and I wouldn’t mind one bit. When I say you’re my favorite regular, I really mean it. Just maybe don’t tell anyone else about my blatant favoritism.”

“I like to think I won you over too, since we’re, y’know, dating and all.”

“Right. That’s certainly a leg up on my other regulars. But again, you didn’t come in just to chat, I’m sure.”

“I know, I come by this fucking often and I still don’t know what I really want. I always get stuck between a few things.”

Stede had to bite the inside of his cheek hard to avoid suggesting he just not choose and leave him to imagine exactly what he looked like both under his shirt, and how he’d look if he did manage to eat that much in one sitting. His timing wasn’t helping either but…

They really needed to talk, otherwise Stede was sure he’d die from his overactive imagination and lust. He had to say something normal, too, before it got awkward.

“It probably doesn’t help that I swap out what I make outside the core offerings, to be fair. Just remember you could just come back by and try different things. Or maybe if you ask nicely, I could ask the owner to make you something in particular if I haven’t made it lately. I hear he’s very fond of you, so I don’t think he’d say no.” He’d especially not say no if you wanted him to feed you, but that… is not a normal thing to think of a man you have had one date with.

“He’s especially sweet when he plays favorites.”

“Having an in with the owner needs at least some perks.”

Ed scoffed. “Sure, ‘cause getting to date you is a consolation.”

Stede brushed him off again, trying to steer the conversation towards owner-customer rather than dating.

Ed did take the silent just don’t pick advice for a couple of things, but other than that it was normal, and they said their goodbyes, promising to make good on the date.

“It’ll be fine when you see him. And you can let the guy compliment you at least a little,” Lucius said from behind him.

Stede sighed and turned to face him, distracted from his mindless sidewalk watching. “I know. Not that it’ll be fine, but that I’m hopeless in conversation.”

“You do fine with him, it’s that you’re terrified you’ll get yelled at.”

“I didn’t ask for your input.”

“You still needed it. You would’ve asked anyway. He doesn’t hate you, even if you’re being cryptic with me and him now.”

“He gets to know because I am dating him,” Stede replied.

“Fine. The offer still stands if he’s a dick about your mystery thing.”

“I know. You put up with me fantastically.”

“I know I do, it’s why I work here, and because I think you’d have a breakdown if I didn’t. Or you’d have a broken hand from those weird twins.”

“Can we call it even if I let you head home?”

“Don’t stay too late worrying about Ed.”

“I won’t. Get home safe.”

“You know I will.”

Stede watched him leave, silently weighing the pros and cons of just flipping the sign to closed early despite the hours the sign said they’d be open.

Instead, he busied himself in the back, trying to get his mind off things, he thought about doing something stupid again. He could only prepare so much for the next day, after all.

He had his usual vice, too, but he also promised he wouldn’t stay late.

He gathered up what he was going to preferably take home and share with friends later, knowing he’d devour them the moment he got inside and feel incredibly guilty after, and he made good on his promise.

He didn’t say he’d not do anything reckless and sort of stupid, anyway. It was his own vice, and he didn’t exactly have any reason to rid himself of it yet.

Until Ed noticed anyway or started asking why exactly he didn’t mind his eagerness for sweets or the very clear consequences his visits had.

It was only until Saturday. Just a few days. He’d stop the nervous habit then.

***

Saturday came too fast and not fast enough.

Stede sent a text to solidify their plans in the middle of the morning.

Hi, I know I’m going to be dropping by around lunch, do you have any preferences for something I could bring? I hate to come empty handed.

Ed: Sweet to offer. Not really.

Wait. One thing. Have you made that cake again? The one you had out when we had the other date.

It just so happens I have. Is this you asking for dessert instead of lunch?

Ed: If I have to pick, I’d rather have cake, yeah. But if it can be both…

 I’m giving you my best puppy eyes, just so you know, since you can’t see me. I don’t have any particular preference for lunch but if I can be picky about dessert, I’m in the mood for that cake again.

Stede was reminded that he did look very pretty eating the cake on their date. Maybe that was why he asked, and maybe he didn’t mind his perversions. Maybe. Either way, he didn’t mind fulfilling a request.

Stede: Of course you don’t have to pick! I told you before, the owner thinks you’re charming as anything, so absolutely I can get cake for you. Any other dessert-based requests?

Ed: Nah, I can’t cash in on all my luck with you already.

Stede: Was that your favorite? I know it’s an awful question, but I can’t help but torture you by asking. I’m genuinely curious, I haven’t had many customers so hellbent on tasting everything except the people I give the surplus to and that’s accidental. I don’t ask them for their opinions, day old pastries don’t taste quite as good as fresh.

Ed: Might be. I kind of like everything anyway, though. Someday you’ll remember that and stop asking if I have a favorite. My favorite thing is sugar, so everything you make is equally my favorite. I just want cake specifically right now and you happen to not want to tell me no.

Stede: It would ruin my business if I told anyone no, much less a customer who drops by so regularly like you do. I ask out of curiosity, not to try to pry your opinions out of you.

Do you mind if I pick sushi?

Ed: Sounds good.

Stede: Well, you’ve made things easy. See you in a bit?

Ed: See you.

It took a lot for Stede to not repeat his nervous habit again, but he knew the consequences.

His pants were getting tighter on him, and most importantly, Lucius was still there. If he saw him, he’d probably think he was doing something even stupider than he was doing. It wasn’t helping to remind himself he wasn’t drinking out of nervous habit, but at the point he was at, it felt as damaging. It was getting obsessive, really.

He caved after mentally berating himself, and snagged a pastry from the case and ate it in record time, sweeping the crumbs off himself and the counter and into the floor. He’d clean it up later.

At least their plans were set the rest of the way.

And because Stede still couldn’t help himself, even if Ed came in not that long ago and probably still had some food left from last time, he snuck some bonuses in with the slice of cake he boxed up.

Lucius was set up to handle the shop for a couple of hours, until they could close and Stede was ready to grab lunch and significantly less prepared for the date, even if he had been prepping himself as he had been since he met the man, for all of the worst outcomes.

***

Stede was shaking as he knocked on Ed’s door. He made sure he had the right address at least five times, and his zealous checking and rechecking worked out because he was greeted with Ed’s smiling face.

“Hi.”

“Hey. Come in. Couch is fine, yeah?”

“Perfect.” He put the food bags on the table and sat silently on his couch. His body was tense, as he mentally mapped out his escape if the talk didn’t go well.  They weren’t far from the door, so he didn’t have to see if he had to leave through a window or anything drastic if things went badly. He stared at his hands, willing himself to get it over with. Ed wasn’t talking yet, so it was the best time. “So, before we get too far from the topic, I wanted to tell you something.”

“Go for it.”

“It’s about, well, there’s no way I can say this that doesn’t sound like I don’t like you for you. Which, for the record, I do. I think you’re incredible. But I have this thing for men, particularly larger men, and this is what makes it even worse and makes it sound incredibly pointed, when men happen to indulge in food and gain weight. I think it suited you, still suits you, rather. I like you, too, for you, obviously, but the way you look is… a bonus. A very particular and very nice bonus.” He flushed, willing the couch to swallow him whole if Ed didn’t take things well.

It was dead silent, and it could’ve been an hour, for all Stede knew. His heart was racing, and he was absolutely terrified.

Then, during the silence, Ed nudged him.

He was grinning sheepishly when Stede finally looked at him. “Yeah,” he said.

“Huh?”

“If I knew you were this nervous about it, I would’ve told you weeks ago. Really, I was going to tell you today. You got in front of that one.”

“You—? Not just because I said I was—”

“I’ve been into it for ages, just haven’t tried dating since I got into eating that much, so I’m rusty on when to bring that stuff up. It’s a whole thing with an ex too, but, yeah, I went to the bakery to start with ‘cause I was in the mood for sweets. Then, I’m pretty sure you’re already aware of this part, I thought you were married, and I kind of ate my feelings about it, figured… I dunno, figured I’d feel less horrible about wanting to flirt with a married guy by not being able to drag myself off the couch.”

“Which is why your jacket was open,” Stede said.

“And why I ditched the thing. It was older, but it also didn’t get close to zipping after I uh, ate my way out of it,” he finished sheepishly.

“You must think I’m an idiot.”

“Like you could go up to any fat guy and ask if he’s doing it on purpose because he likes it. You did fine.”

“I stared at you. And I sort of tried to meddle with my habit of slipping you bonus food just about every time you came in.”

“You had good taste, and it was cute. Can I admit something? It’d make things even between us,” Ed offered.

“Sure.”

He grinned lazily. “The other day, when we planned this whole thing, I ate what I got basically in one day.”

Stede went bright red.

“Thought you’d make that face. I have a hell of a sweet tooth. I also don’t like telling myself no to sweets. I’m lucky I don’t mind being fat, I think I’d end up this way even if I wasn’t trying.”

“Mhm.”

Ed watched him, sort of smiling. “Is there any way I can get you to loosen up?”

“Sorry. I worked myself up about nothing, and now I’m trying to unwind my nerves.”

Ed considered that, and eyed the plastic bag on the table. “May as well at least stay and eat, you know,” he said.

Stede nodded, stiffly taking out the two containers and passing one to Ed.

“You have good taste in sushi. Although, I kinda feel like you had other things in mind with it. It’s pretty easy to feed someone, one bite and all.” He saw Stede go rigid again.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s just a lot. I expected you to call me a pervert.”

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. I had the worst outcome in mind, you know, dashing out and never seeing you again, blocking your number, letting Lucius ban you from coming in… it goes on from there.”

“I’m glad I’m not on your bad side. You had a whole plan.”

“I guess I did. I had a while to wonder, between you disappearing and then the date and… I had time to wonder if I was being a creep, and I just never landed on a no.”

“Well, you weren’t. I don’t mind attention, I’m really used to being stared at, bigger guy, leather, beard, tattoos. Doesn’t make for a guy you don’t stare at when you see him around.”

“And I stared on our date before.”

“Don’t worry about it. I noticed, yeah, but I figured it was a new recipe or something and you were looking for feedback on it. I don’t mind you watching me eat, especially if I know it’s something you’re into. Try and remember I’m into it too, maybe that’ll make you feel less weird.”

“But you’re—you,” Stede said, coming up short for an accurate word.

“And I’m not going to kick you out for the crime of watching me eat.”

Stede nodded once, and nervously glanced at Ed. “I haven’t really tried dating since my marriage fell apart. Lucius tried to get me to try it, but I really only did it to keep him from pestering me to try dating. My… unorthodox tastes were a part of that. So, I decided I was alright alone, even if he insisted that I’d end up a lonely cat hoarder and was an utterly lost cause.”

“And he doesn’t know you like fat guys.”

Stede dropped his gaze, then dropped it further as he realized he was staring right at Ed’s belly, and where Ed’s hand was, resting on it. “Exactly,” he said. The mortification wasn’t wearing off nearly quickly enough.

“Lucky for you I don’t mind you liking me, or watching me eat. And lucky for me, this is going well, so I’m not permanently banned from the bakery.”

“I shouldn’t have told you. It was more his threat than mine, and he was probably—no, he did mean it. Makes for a decent, if threatening, incentive, though, right?”

“Yeah, especially if I haven’t charmed you into sharing your recipes.”

Stede raised an eyebrow. “You’d settle?”

“Only if I had to. I wouldn’t consider it if I could have you make stuff for me, though. Or bring dessert when you offer lunch.” He pointedly eyed the box containing the cake.

“Good to hear you’ve got reasons to keep me around.”

“Mhm. Besides food, though, I like your company.”

“I’m glad you do. I feel I’m something of an acquired taste, so I don’t get to hear I’m good company often.” He had Lucius, Mary, and Doug (the latter two, hardly, though it was blissfully civil) and that was it, barring Ed.

He grinned sympathetically. “Me neither, but I’m used to it, otherwise I wouldn’t try to look sort of intimidating on purpose.”

“And people get scared when you smile like that? Or when your eyes light up at the mention of anything sweet?”

“Usually, it doesn’t get that far.”

“I forget that people find you intimidating sometimes. My first impression of you ruined that, I think.”

“It’s better that way, can’t charm the guy giving you food if you scare the shit out of him.”

He kept stealing glances at Ed, watching how he acted when he wasn’t hiding part of his enjoyment of his food. He made adorable little noises when he liked what he was eating. It still didn’t escape him just how pointed it felt to watch Ed eat. He said it was alright, but it felt still like it was on the line of voyeuristic behavior.

He focused on his own food instead, silently eating and trying to figure out how to make conversation that didn’t feel awkward. Stede gave up and finished his sushi, resigned to the silence between them as they ate. He could find an excuse and leave if it got too awkward.

“So,” Ed started, “do you want to go through with what I said about sushi being easy to feed someone? Got a few pieces left if you wanted to help.”

Stede very much wanted to. He swallowed and his gaze snapped to his face from staring at his body again. he would never break himself of the habit, it seemed.

“I know we have to have the hard limits talks and stuff, but I don’t think this is gonna fuck anything up.”

Stede nodded.

“Good. Now c’mon, don’t tease me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Stede adjusted his position and leaned closer to him, placed a piece of sushi in his waiting mouth. “Good?”

“Great.”

“I’m sorry I’m—"

“I’m not hearing an apology tonight.”

“But—"

“Nope. Food and talking, fine, but not about you being terrified of breaking me. We can have that talk later.”

“You can still touch me if you want, too, I don’t think you’re gonna push a hard limit with me tonight.”

“Of course,” he mumbled, haltingly reaching out and touching him. He belatedly remembered the food part and fed him another piece.

“You’re doing fine,” Ed said.

“Thanks.”

“I can take more.”

“Right.”

Practice helped iron out any awkwardness, thankfully. Ed finished the remnants of his lunch quickly, clearly liking Stede’s attention.

“Do you want dessert still?”

“Someday you’re gonna realize the answer to that is always yes.”

“I mean, you ate a lot of sushi. I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t in the mood.”

“I’ll live. I may end up stuck here for a while, but I can deal with that.”

Stede nodded once, and reached for the box within the bag.

“I sort of imagined sometimes, what it would be like if you were into this and didn’t just have a particularly strong sweet tooth,” Stede mentioned trying to strike a conversational tone.

“How does it compare to the real thing?”

Stede went red again. “Obviously, the real thing is better. I may be enjoying this too much, though.”

Ed grinned. “I bet I can make that worse. Scoot back a little.”

Stede raised an eyebrow but moved away.

Ed worked his shirt over his head, exposing more ink snaking (in one case the tail and body of a very literal snake, as well as the head he’d seen before) up his arms, spilling onto his shoulders slightly. He had more on his chest too. Aside from the ink, though, even the tightness of his shirts hid a surprising amount of just how incredible he looked.

He was so soft. His belly rested on his thighs, rounded out and full. Stede desperately wanted to touch him again, maybe even use his teeth on his skin. Hed eaten a lot of the sushi, which Stede did help do, and he certainly did do some damage to his waistline by plying him with sweets at every opportunity. Some of the softness at his sides spilled over his pants a bit, which was similarly tempting to touch. It would be a good place to put his hands, when he touched him again. He had a softer chest than his shirts showed, too. Truly, the real man in front of him beat any desperately imagined image by miles.

Ed grinned at Stede’s reaction. “There. More comfortable now. Not that you have to do anything, I just figured we could cut the middleman out, and you know, thought I could fuck with your head a little more.”

“Sure,” Stede agreed. “I did want to get a better look at you.”

“Thought so.” Ed took the box out of Stede’s hand, as well as the fork. “Now you can watch me all you want. And… if you wanted to get your hands on me again...”

Ed could be a complete and utter menace when he wanted to be. He took a bite of cake showily, licking the fork clean.

“It’s still great,” he said, as if Stede was strictly after his opinions still and hadn’t been distracted.

“It’s the same recipe. I also may have left you some freebies as well in the bag. I had halfway decided to bring some treats along with lunch when you asked.”

“I’m gonna get so spoiled if you keep doing that,” Ed warned.

Stede smiled. “I think I’d like to see how far I could take that.”

Ed took a few more bites, then stopped eating and arched his back. “Do you think you could help me out? Getting pretty full now. Just your hands on me, I can tell you if you go too rough.”

Stede nodded and slowly placed his hands on his skin. He couldn’t help it, he left them there and marveled at him for a moment, savoring the sensation of having him under him like he was.

“God, just look at you. Like you’ve never denied yourself a thing you’ve ever wanted,” Stede said, only sort of aware of his words, mainly distracted by the warm, soft skin under his hands.

“Yeah, tends to happen when you go oh, eating is hot and so is getting fat. It’s more fun when the guy you’re seeing thinks you’re the best thing since… I don’t even know. You think I’m pretty damn great.”

“Because you are. Including how you look, and your appetite. I was terrified I’d be overestimating your appetite when I got the food, I didn’t want to ask since I was going to bring the whole thing up. Hindsight is 20/20.”

“Worked in your favor. And you get the benefits. I might be overdoing it though.”

“Oh! Should I move or..?”

“If anything, you can go harder. I’ll tell you if you hurt me, I promise.”

Stede nodded and kept touching him, going a bit less gently, only getting a little distracted by how gorgeous Ed looked.

“You’re damn good at that,” Ed noted.

“…Thank you?”

“It’s a compliment. Kinda hard to have your hands on me and not think about the damage you helping is gonna do to me, though.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“I guess it’s not. You’re dangerous, you know that?”

“I think you just find me convincing. To prove it, I think there’s only a couple of bites left. You want my help?”

“Please.”

Stede took the fork back and portioned off a bite, leaving the cake box resting on his belly, with his free hand grabbing him. it was a desperate kind of touch but…

Ed rewarded him with a quiet groan.

“You’re doing well, you know. Just tell me when it’s too far.”

“I will. Fucking hell, Stede.” He squirmed under him and burped, flushing slightly.  “Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled.

“You’re alright. Too much?”

“No. I can handle more.”

“Glad to hear it. Here, just a little more.”

Ed happily took the rest of the cake, only whining a little at the idea of getting one more bite down when he was already full.

“Feel okay still?”

“Mostly. Probably won’t eat dinner, but that’s a problem for later.”

Stede thumbed the pocket of softness under his jaw, partially covered by his short beard. “You really do find me convincing.”

“Of course I do.

“I’m glad, because you’re lovely. Every inch of you.”

Ed grinned. “More than there used to be, you know.”

“That’s the benefit. When there’s more inches to get a hold of, those’ll be good too.”

“Especially with you wanting to help.”

“Speaking of helping, and tell me if this crosses a line, I told you about how I have leftovers most nights, and I usually divvy up what’s left to various people. How would you feel about occasionally getting to benefit from that surplus? Maybe I drop by, or you visit my place or just the sweetest revenge, maybe we do this again. Don’t feel like you have to agree, obviously, just… an idea.”

“A damn good idea.”

“Good. I was worried it was too forward, since… you know. Glad I’m not being too much.”

They talked for a while longer, and as it got later, Stede felt himself relax a little further. Then he may have relaxed too much.

His mind got away from him and the warm feeling in his chest got more intense. It wasn’t exactly helping that Ed was shirtless, or that he kind of always looked tantalizing.

It was a bit much for a second date. Ed may have been comfortable enough for what the date was inevitably leading to but…

“I should head home,” he said.

Ed glanced at him. “You sure?”

“Positive. I hate to impose on you, and I want to take this slow. I can’t quite do that when you’re…” he trailed off, unable to find the right words.

Ed nodded. “Kinda tempting to stay the night, and you don’t want to yet. Got it. Keep in touch?”

“Absolutely. But, before I go, there’s something I should’ve done a while ago.”

Ed raised an eyebrow and then Stede leaned in, angling his face up just slightly.

Then, he kissed him. Unsurprisingly, Ed’s lips tasted like frosting. Even less surprisingly, Ed was a very good kisser. Stede never wanted to get used to the feeling in his chest when he was so close to him.

When he let go, Ed was smiling. “Good choice. See you.”

Stede nodded. “Of course.”

Chapter Text

Stede was startled to attention sitting alone in the bakery as it got later, evening becoming night, light leaving the windows on the front of the building. His phone vibrated. One more thing to add to a hectic day of getting worked up over nothing.

Are you at home right now?

Of course it was just Ed, to spite him for thinking it was Mary yet again trying to hammer out details of their arrangement. It wasn’t his weekend, no one was hurt, and it was just fine, a tiny snag in who was picking up Alma and Louis after their extracurriculars, which was going to be Mary and Doug, her calendar was just misdated by a week, making Stede worry he made a mistake on his calendar.

Ed needed a reply, regardless of the dramatics, and he didn't know why he wanted to know if he was home.

I’m not. Why?

Are you at the Sweetest Revenge, then?

I resent the idea you think I am that much of a homebody.

It’s proving true right now.

You cannot be Lucius, I don't think I’d survive life with two of him around, even if he's fantastic. He has gotten on to me ceaselessly insisting that I should probably get out more and try going to one more place that are not my job or home. Apparently going to school or Mary’s house don't count.

Yeah, no that doesn’t count. That shouldn’t count as a place you go for fun, you don't have one of those. Since I can’t be your employee, I’ll just get into my reason for texting you. Would you mind having a guest?

Stede grimaced, looking at the counter where he was sitting, the food he was already eating because he thought he would be alone. He would mind a guest. Especially a guest who didn't know why he was staying late. No one knew why that was, because he was taking the evening to make up for a lack of a proper lunch and a good deal of nervous energy he’d been dealing with all day. Ed was lucky he was so gorgeous, and that he sort of felt like having company. Company who didn’t understand the ins and outs of custody of two children would be a major plus. Even more so if he wouldn’t bully him about his predictable habits. Including his habit of eating his own leftovers on an increasingly regular basis.

I don't mind, just knock on the door when you get here, it’s locked.

Got it. Be there in a bit.

The knock ten minutes later nearly made him jump out of his skin. He got up after he remembered welcoming the interruption, and opened the door, standing just in Ed’s way before he could come in.

He smiled at him. “You know we’re not open right now, right?”

Ed grinned, in on the half joke instantly. “Yeah, I know. I know the owner, though, I think he’s okay with letting me in on his night alone.”

“Well, if you know the owner, I suppose you’re allowed.”

“He’s very cute when he’s doing a bit, too.”

“You were in on it,” Stede shot back.

Ed caught a glimpse of the counter behind Stede. “You cleaning out the day old stuff?”

Stede flushed. “Ah, well... you could say that. I was thinking I’d kick this habit before you had to know, but of course, your timing is impeccable.”

Ed watched him, brow furrowed.

“I uh... overdo it a bit, sometimes, like tonight, for example. It’s a long story, so, you want to sit? I can grab a stool from the back and keep talking.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m not seeing why this is bad, though,” he said, sitting by Stede after he got the extra seat from the back.

“It’s not bad, really, more just mortifying, I'd say. Because some of that nervousness was brought on by you, and the relationship we have, or didn’t have to begin with. That wasn’t why I did this tonight, but...” He trailed off and

“You were too nervous to tell me about it,” Ed said, taking a pastry and biting into it.

“It sounds stupid when you say it.”

“I really don’t mind. I’m not the kind of guy who’d be shitty with you about it. I mean, if you share, I’ll never tell anyone.”

Stede raised an eyebrow. “You’re resorting to taking bribes?”

“You said I was welcome to come in later in the day and get leftover food. I’m just taking advantage of that, and now, I get to share with you. Except now I think your habit may be a me thing. ...Did I make you nervous?”

“It only got worse when you started coming by. Not that it was your fault, it was more that I was terrified of ruining things with you. So… this was—and is, my vice of choice. It started after the divorce over anything. You can’t wonder if you’ll die alone if you say, inadvertently misunderstand the meaning of two dozen when it's written out on a recipe, and you aren’t exactly on food gifting terms with any neighbors or remaining friends after you implode your marriage. So, you maybe eat an inadvisable amount of cookies in one sitting and sort of enjoy the peace and quiet in your head afterwards.”

“Yeah. Guess it helps? I mean, I did the same kind of thing when I disappeared on you.”

“Sort of. Not that it solves a damn thing, of course. It doesn't exactly make it easier if the guy I’m seeing figures it out before I have the words to explain it in mind. That wrinkle sours the idea a bit.”

“I bet. Does that mean you’d rather the guy you’re seeing leave you alone after he got what he was after, or should he keep you company?”

“The latter. You can stay, I swear I won’t offload my mess onto you more than what I’ve already done.”

“How’d your day go?”

“Fine, really. Barring Lucius grilling me about you for half an hour, split up into short conversations between customers, apparently because I looked lonely. Plus a minor snag with custody that turned out to be nothing but a mistaken calendar day. I think you’re due for a visit, right?”

Ed looked surprised. “I didn't think I was that predictable. Can’t believe he got it figured out. If you weren’t here, I was going to come in tomorrow. Ran out of sweets earlier today and I wanted to see you.”

“He was adamant he was right. Apparently, I looked like, and I quote, a sad, kicked puppy left outside. I promise I am not that desperate. I did want to see you, of course. It’s nice, too, knowing generally when you’re going to come in, even if my employee gets pushy about the fact he can tell when I sort of miss seeing you a tiny bit.”

“And all that together stressed you out?”

“A bit. Then you add in the fact I'm positive that the typical side effect of doing,” he gestured to the food between them, “this, is catching up with me. It turns out no vice comes without consequences, and this one comes by way of my clothes not fitting exactly how I'd like.”

“There’s a really easy fix for that. Get a size up, works every time.”

“True. I shouldn't mind that, I like it on you, and I hate being a hypocrite. Plus, it’s not quite so… noticeable yet on me, or I like to imagine it’s not. I keep telling myself I should find a new vice, or a different hobby entirely, since my main ones intertwine so severely. You didn’t come to hear me complain though, Ed. Don’t worry about my dramatics.”

“What if I like hearing you talk?”

“Either way, I suspect you don’t want to get stuck here all night with me talking your ear off. We should eat and I should clean up sooner than later.”

Ed bit into a slice of banana bread, chewing thoughtfully and breaking the short silence. “Y’know, I’ve wondered, how do you decide what you sell? I noticed it changes sometimes.”

“Three things. I keep some things around all the time, other things I swap seasonally, pumpkin and cinnamon in the fall, strawberry in summer and so on, then… it’s down to what I feel like making or as it’s become lately, what you tend to enjoy. I keep those particular items in the regular offerings just in case you drop by.”

“That explains the cake.”

Stede went pink and swallowed a bite of the same cake Ed brought up. “It’s not my fault you like chocolate.”

“You’re sure it’s not? I know I came in with a sweet tooth but I don’t think you can get away without some of the blame.”

“Mm. To be fair I did give you freebies.”

Ed laughed. “Yeah. I hadn’t gotten a freebie for being cute since I was a kid.”

“Really? You’re adorable. To be fair, it was a feeble attempt at silent flirtation. I doubt most people do that to adults.”

They both ate in the silence, and the assortment of food was starting to settle in Stede’s stomach particularly heavily. He tried to subtly soothe some of the dull ache but realized the real reason he felt like he did.

“Just undo the button,” Ed offered, like he’d read his mind. In response to Stede’s surprised look he added, “been there a time or two. It’ll hurt you less if your pants aren’t biting into your skin.”

“Right.”

“They’re on their way out anyway, huh?”

“Seems like it, as much as I resent the idea. And yet, I’m keeping up with your appetite. I probably shouldn’t, but I’m still about doing it anyway.”

“Does it matter?”

“It matters to me having to adjust my wardrobe. It doesn’t really, though, does it? I don’t know how you deal with me.”

“I know I get dramatic about things that seem stupid when I think about them later, too. Who ghosted you for a month and ate his feelings?”

“You thought I was married.”

“And asking the guy at the bakery I wanted to keep going to if he was single was too hard.”

“You still came back.”

“You apparently do this more often than you’d like to let on.”

“Fair play. It’s the things I notice, you know?”

“Throw the scale out and buy pants that fit,” Ed answered. “Shirts too, if they’re giving you trouble like your pants are.” Ed eyes were, for a split second, drawn to the slight belly pushing over the waistband of Stede’s pants then snapped back to his face.

“It sounds so simple when you say it that way.”

“Some things are.”

“I don’t doubt it, I just feel like a dick when I look at you and think you’re gorgeous, and hate myself for my own habits.”

Ed got a gleam in his eyes. “Would it help if I showed you exactly what I like about you?”

Stede glanced pointedly at the windows. “Not right here.”

“There’s no windows in the back there, right? You probably just cleaned up, but I think if I help, it’ll get done again pretty quick, once I’m finished explaining exactly how much I like you.”

“I did, and I’m pretty sure right now I don’t care about needing to sanitize the countertops again.”

“Good. I mean, it would be more your benefit, I just get to kiss a guy I think is hot.”

“If Lucius finds out, I’ll have to kill him.”

“He doesn’t have to know anything, plus, I bet he’s done way worse. Lead the way.”

Stede took him by the hand and pulled him to the back.

“Much better, right? Never gotten to see back here before. Looks nice.”

It was what it was, aprons were hung on the wall, and a chair was sitting right next to them, Lucius’ unofficial spot for breaks, Stede’s if he found time to have breaks outside of chatting with customers, mainly Ed. He didn’t get a chance to say anything about the kitchen before Ed pushed him so he was leaning against the counter.

“So, where can I start? I like this spot here, even though I bet you don’t.” He thumbed a spot on his side, where his pants were still stubbornly digging in. “I don’t get to have you how I want you often, I’ve been trying to take things slow, not freak you out.”

“How do you want me?”

“Can’t do that here, plus, I bet you’re a little too traditional for me to fuck you against the counter like that. Kind of less fun than sex in a real bed, anyway. I also like how you look when I embarrass or surprise you. And when you look down, because I’m still embarrassing you and you’re trying not to look me in the eye and believe what I’m saying, I like this spot right here,” he said, thumbing Stede’s jaw, finding the hint of a double chin that thankfully only appeared like Ed noted, when he looked down. “It’s cute. Makes me wonder how it’d feel if I kissed your neck.” He stepped back, eyes trained on Stede’s. “Thoughts?”

“Please. Just… don’t leave a mark, if you could.”

“I’m not an amateur. I know if I bruise your neck you’d never hear the end of it and you’d have poor Lucius’ and my blood on your hands because you’d have to tell me about the murder of your employee for his nosiness, and it’d be my fault. I’d try to be a good murder accomplice, but...”

“You forgot about the side business already? Come on, that’s what an amateur would do. I’d poison him and never tell you unless you asked where he went, which I’d also have to explain to his boyfriend who’d be very angry with me, then I’d swear you to secrecy. I’d also have customers ask about my boyfriend, and I refuse to let anyone in on what I’m doing with you. It’s more trouble than it’s worth though, the bodies pile up to cover up for one small mark on my throat, so just kiss me?”

“Course. Anything for the guy who threatened to poison me.”

“Because you starte—Ed—” Stede breathed after trying to argue and finding a welcome mouth on his neck, kissing up toward his jaw.

He pulled away, grinning. “Yeah?”

“I think I believe you now, but you can keep going. You're good at that, in case you didn't know.”

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“Very good at that,” Stede corrected, going weak at the knees.

“Much as if like to do this to you forever, I bet you’d rather head home, so...”

“Right, yes. I will get the cleaning supplies if you’d assist me?”

Ed nodded and followed his directions. Cleanup went faster with two people, Stede knew as much from Lucius’ assistance, if he didn’t have other plans alone and did the cleanup by himself.

“just your prep work left now, I think.”

And he was almost done with that. “Seems like it. By the way, if you want anything from the front, just wash your hands before and use the tongs.”

“I’m good for tonight, I think.”

Stede washed and dried his hands. “Well, that’s all that done. You can head home, or... maybe you’d like to come to my place?” Stede asked, words coming out almost too fast to understand.

“Yeah, one thing though. I thought we were going slow so you didn’t get scared and try to break things off for no reason.”

“I did imply that. But… I want you to sleep over.”

“Of course you do. Yeah.”

Stede perked up. “Yes?”

Ed smiled. “Why not? You gave me dessert; I’d do a lot of things I wanted to do anyway if I got dessert too.”

Stede locked up and took ed to his home.

“This is it.”

"Nice place."

"Thank you."

"So, do I have to sleep on your couch or...?"

"Of course you're going to sleep in my bedroom. I have manners, Ed."

Ed laughed. "Just making sure."

"The bathroom is connected to my bedroom, if you need it, or right here in the hall. And this is my bedroom."

"Great. Do you mind if I get a little more comfortable?"

"Not in the least."

Ed nodded, taking his shirt off.

Stede thought about seeing Ed a lot of ways, including shirtless. The sight in front of him blew his imagination out of the water. The slight motion of Ed’s shirt going over his head sent his belly jiggling.

"You only said yes because you wanted a show," Ed jokingly complained after noticing that Stede's eyes were glued to his body.

"I did not."

"You keep telling yourself that." Ed undid his hair, shaking it out. "You're gonna sleep in your clothes?"

"No, I just—I got distracted."

"No harm in that, just admit to it next time. Some guys appreciate a compliment."

"You look absolutely gorgeous," Stede said, town between wanting to get out of his clothes and not miss a second of seeing Ed like that in his bedroom.

"I wasn't fishing for it but thanks for saying so."

"Can I make a suggestion before we go to bed?"

"What?"

"You take off your pants and let me keep appreciating your company for a while."

"That was my plan and absolutely we can do that. So long as you let me see how you look, I don't mind."

Stede nodded and undid his shirt. He'd worn a button up despite his line of work meaning he'd get flour on himself at least once a day. He noticed with a small thrill that after his makeshift dinner, the buttons around his middle were pulling slightly tighter than they used to. He took his shirt off in quick order, and Ed watched him, grinning the entire time. He undid his pants too, wincing at the red indents left on his thighs and waist. He really needed to commit to the idea of gaining weight steadily if he kept up with his boyfriend's appetite. Or if he kept eating the nervousness out of his system. He’d shop for pants... sooner than later.

Stede paused, knowing where the evening was going. "I should let you know, outside of some truly pathetic one night stands, I don't have much experience."

Ed shrugged. "That's fine. Bet you know what you like by now, at least."

That was the one benefit. Usually, he ended up leaving in the middle of the night racked with guilt or trepidation at staying the night, but occasionally he did actually enjoy himself. That was before he told Lucius that he was absolutely positive that his personality and casual sex didn't mix, but he did have a couple of good experiences that let him know what he wanted. "So long as you're patient with me, I think we can figure it out just fine."

"I can do that. Were you nervous about me seeing how you look?"

"A bit. Of course that nervousness went right back into eating to rid myself of the nervous energy. These pants are on their last legs with me. Shopping for a size or two up sounds like I'm committing to this."

"What's wrong with that?"

He raked his gaze up Ed’s body, soft build and all. "Fair enough. I shouldn't complain to you, indirectly giving you as much food as you can eat."

"I've had years to not give a shit. But we can talk about that later, yeah? I heard someone promise to fuck me."

"I do prefer that to trying to untangle years of trauma," Stede said, smiling tightly.

Ed laughed again. "Doesn't everyone? Come on, let me at least touch you."

Stede nodded and moved closer, grabbing at Ed's body and pulling them even closer together.

"That's better," Ed murmured, kissing Stede, grabbing at his side in a way he didn't realize could happen on his body. He neglected to look and frankly, with how Ed sounded kissing him and how his brain decided nothing but kissing Ed mattered at the moment, he didn't care.

Stede melted into his arms, feeling the softness of Ed's body press into him. He was to goddamn soft. And a good deal of that was from things he'd made that Ed loved enough to devour to the point that his clothes stopped fitting at least once.

He threaded his fingers into Ed's hair, kissing his neck and the double chin that was mostly hidden under his beard.

They ended up sitting on his bed, then Ed was laying across it, smiling breathlessly. Stede wasn't done appreciating how he looked yet, he ran his hands over the curve of his belly gently. He leaned down and kissed and nipped his way down his chest stomach and thighs.

"Just look at you," he marveled.

Ed grinned. "You like what you see?"

"How could I not?" Stede asked, looking at the stretch marks bracketing his belly button with awe, tracing one's on his sides, feeling the lines on his skin. "I feel like I did some of this to you, it's hard to not feel a bit proud of you for eating so well."

"More than some, just not directly," Ed said, sitting up slightly, leaning on his elbows. I can't say you're not eager."

"I told you I gave up on going slow." He eyed his body, still taking in every inch of him, seeing his belly shift slightly, touching his thighs. Even that send a thrill through Stede's body. "Will you let me take you how I want you?"

"Of course. I didn't think you'd be eager."

"You don't know everything about me," Stede replied, eagerly pulling the waistband of Ed's underwear down.

Once Stede was satisfied, and Ed returned the favor, finishing quicker than he intended but still to Stede's joy, they lay there, enjoying the moment of quiet.

"I hope this was better than eating pastries for dinner alone?" Ed asked, a sleepy grin on his face.

"By a long shot," Stede replied, draping his arm over Ed's body.

Chapter Text

Stede left home later than usual after silently leaving Ed to sleep in his bed and left a note explaining he had to leave before he woke up to do his hobby slash job. He felt bad about it every second until he opened the door to the sweetest revenge and saw Lucius, his arms crossed, acting like a parent who’d caught his child coming home after curfew.

“You’re late,” he said.

Stede grimaced. “Thank you for noticing. I’ll stay late if it makes you feel better.”

“Just weird, you know, you’re never late, especially not without a reason.”

“My reason is I overslept. Happy?”

“Still curious. Maybe someone was up late with his boyfriend and doesn't want to tell me. Ed’s due to come back today, right? Spent yesterday being a sad puppy about him, bet he’s going to drop in just to see you.”

“I’m shocked you said his name.”

“Sorry, I forgot. I think mister tattoos who you've drooled over constantly and are now dating is going to come in today.”

“He very well might,” Stede said, trying his best to avoid any further questions.

Lucius squinted at him. “What’s with the face?”

Stede felt heat rise to his face. “I...always look like this.”

He smiled like the cat that ate several canaries. “You met up with him last night.”

Stede’s phone buzzed in his pocket, just a text. Something he could read later.

His smile widened. “Wanna get that? See if your boyfriend texted you to see if you're busy and if he can stay here for an hour talking to you?”

“I will not and did not.”

“You did.” Lucius paused, eyes wide. “You gave up on that vow of celibacy, didn’t you?”

“It was not a vow of—”

“Congratulations. Feel better now? Less tense? Makes me feel less tense when I get to—”

“Go work on something else,” Stede snapped, using his parent voice. Lucius may be young enough to still have it strike fear into his heart.

He raised an eyebrow, immune to the horror of an authority figure, as little of one as Stede was to him, being mildly irritated with him. “Why? You think he sent you a dick pic?”

“No! It could be Mary or my children or anyone else in my contacts, or a scam trying to get my information, and you’ll feel very silly for insisting it was Ed sending me a—”

Lucius laughed, and Stede turned around, going bright red as he heard the bell on the door jingling.

Of course.

“Hey, Stede ...and Lucius. I got the feeling someone was talking about me. What happened?”

“Nothing, Ed, it’s just—” Stede said as Lucius shot in with “you two had sex last night.”

Ed raised an eyebrow. “You told him?”

To be fair, he was in the same clothes as the day before and looked like he picked his clothes up off Stede's floor and found out he let him sleep instead of letting him talk him into coming into his job an hour and a half late rather than only half an hour. “Extenuating circumstances,” he muttered, then turned back to Lucius. “Why did I decide to hire you?”

“My charming personality and good looks, the fact you get along with me really well even if you think I annoy you sometimes, and my ability to read the room. I’ll leave you two alone.” He smiled and turned and left for the back, to sit just behind the door and eavesdrop.

“I did not tell him what happened. I told you I didn't need him knowing, this was why.”

“How’d he find out then? He knew before I came in.”

“Asked about my vow of celibacy,” Stede grumbled.

“I was the one to break that? I feel so special.”

“I was not. You know why I hadn't in a while, outside my inability to do anything casually.”

“Mhm. Fair. Not like I wasn’t in a dry spell myself. Lid for every pot though, huh?”

“Seems to be. So...” he dropped his voice. “You um... had fun?”

Ed shrugged. “As much fun as a guy can have before waking up alone in his boyfriend's bed.”

“I left a note!” He hissed indignantly. “I couldn't raise suspicion”

“You did a great job with that, mister vow of celibacy,” Ed deadpanned.

“You texted me, I assume? What was it about? I was busy being bullied by my employee into divulging details about my personal life.”

“Just saying I was gonna drop in.”

Stede let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God.”

“What?”

“He—never mind. You wouldn’t do that to me, not when you knew I was at work.”

Ed ignored his outburst charitably. “I was curious where you went. Then I saw the note and remembered you only have the two real places you go and you kinda don’t take breaks.”

“Incorrigible.”

“It is better that you left the note. I would’ve convinced you to not be bullied to admitting we had sex in front of your employee and instead let him figure it out because you would call in sick.”

“I would?”

“You haven’t seen me try to be that convincing, I just threatened you with it.”

“True. So, did you come in just to chat?”

“I should probably not waste your time, huh?”

“You can come in without a reason, but I suspect you wouldn't do that.”

“I can... but it’s more fun if I don’t.”

“Fair. So, what did you have in mind? I’m sorry for uh... leaving you alone, by the way.”

“No hard feelings. I know you're busy, just maybe wake me up next time. I don't mind a warning that you’re going to be busy and possibly a kiss before you leave.”

“Sorry about that. Now that it’s out, I don't think I’ll have to hide so much.”

“That’s a bonus.”

Ed got what he was after along with a bit more conversation, and left, leading to further teasing from Lucius for the rest of the day.

Stede got another text from Ed after a few days of chatting and following his usual visits, including the occasional after-hours visit to claim a share of things that were otherwise going to be given away.

So, in case you needed a reminder that I am not immune to devouring a slice of the really delicious cake you make, a lot of banana bread and also a cinnamon roll in one afternoon...

Ed sent a photo of himself, slouched back into his couch, looking very full, then another message.

To be fair I had lunch too, but it was a lot. Good stuff though, as always.

Ed. Can you maybe send this sort of thing when I’m not working?

Why? You liked it?

Of course I liked it, I have a nosy man who I adore but would rather ask me why I went so pink looking at my phone.

But you like when I show off.

It would be cruel if I denied myself the joy of getting to look at you, that’s fair.

What did you think about the picture?

You look nice, and I’m glad you enjoyed what your lunch. If I can be so forward, I wish I wasn’t so busy and could have seen you eat all that in person.

And are you busy right now and will you be in a little while?

You can come by whenever you want, you know that.

That's a really good idea.

Any hint on what you’re doing with that information?

Nope. Wait and see.

Stede did, and Ed came back again.

“Ah, Ed. I should’ve guessed.”

He smiled. “Hey. So... are you free tonight?”

“He is,” Lucius called from the back. “Especially if you want to go on a date with him.”

“I am, apparently. You could’ve asked me ten minutes ago, though.”

“Yeah, I could’ve, but it’s more fun if I ask in person. Maybe you’d like to come by my place?”

“Maybe I convince my employee, who is apparently quite willing to give me time off, to close early or just cover for me for an hour or two, and I can bring dinner?”

“Or I can make dinner?”

“I suppose you want me to bring dessert?”

“Maybe. You accommodate me a lot, I think I’m your favorite regular.”

“You probably are at this point, and you’re my boyfriend with a massive sweet tooth. I’ll bring something along, make sure I don't come empty handed.”

“It’s a date, then. Except I came in for kind of both business and pleasure.”

“I don't mind that one bit. What can I get you?”

“You'd think I would remember there’s one thing you always ask me.”

“I’d be more useful, but your taste is sort of vague.”

“I can’t help but like what I like.”

Stede did his best, and gave some suggestions and Ed left him to wait fro their date, and to figure out what he was going to bring along with him to dinner.

Over dinner, Ed looked worried. Stede watched him cook and they made conversation, but it felt off, and sort of strained. Stede finally had to ask, because he was picking at his pasta disinterestedly. “Is something wrong, Ed?”

“I didn’t bug you by coming in more often, did I?”

“Of course not. Did I put up with a little more of Lucius insisting that you were coming for my company rather than the sweets? Yes. I dealt with that happily because I like getting to see you. I would’ve said I had plans if I didn't want to be here right now.”

Ed looked less tense and smiled. “Great.”

“Is this about me leaving you after you slept over?”

“...Kinda.”

“I didn't intend for you to take it as me leaving because of you. I just... I don’t know. I’m new to this, is all, I suppose. Next time I promise you I’ll just tell Lucius what my plans are when it happens, and then deal with him when he asks if I had sex with you. I can see now how it looks, honestly. I’m not ashamed to be dating you, I adore you, I never want you to feel like that again, if that’s possible.”

“Thanks, means a lot.”

“I should’ve done that from the start. You weren’t trying to get my attention by eating more, were you?”

“A little. Also because I wanted to but mainly, yeah, I wanted your attention. I didn’t scare you did I?”

“Not at all. I like you Ed, quite a great deal, honestly. You're just also the first serious relationship I’ve had since getting divorced. Lucius tried his damnedest, but I was stubborn. I also have a pretty particular taste in men.”

“Is it guys with darker hair that’s kinda going gray all over, a beard and a penchant for wearing leather, and also outgrowing his clothes?”

Stede chuckled. “You know, I think you got it in one. After we eat, I did bring dessert along, as promised. Sorry to say, it's not your unofficial favorite, but I thought I could feed what I did bring to you directly. I made some pastries this morning and what would you know, they sold a bit but I had a good number left over from the batch.”

“Good idea.”

“Of course, I have to treat you well, you’re my best customer, and my boyfriend.”