Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“okay, truth or dare?”

that question had been repeated among the group for a while. ripper hadn’t really been paying too much attention to the time. it was too much fun watching the people around him make fools of themselves.

currently, julia was asking bowie for his answer.

“hm,” he hummed, seeming to think it over. “truth, i suppose.”

julia gave a huff, seeming unprepared for that answer. “fine. what was your worst date?”

“oh-” bowie chuckled. “the first one i ever went on. i was like…thirteen? some girl invited me to go roller skating with her, and it was very clear that she thought of it romantically. and it’s the only date with a girl i’ve been on.” he seemed to think on it a little more. “she also spilled her nacho sauce for her pretzel onto me.”

“ooh!” wayne chuckled from his spot on the couch. “how hot was the sauce, dude?”

“ehhh, hot enough that i had to call my older brother to come get me,” bowie said with a shrug. “he had just got done with work, so he really had no reason not to, you know?”

“so wait-” emma piped in, leaning forward in her seat, bewilderment in her eyes. “was that just an excuse to leave or was it like… bad?”

“it wasn’t bad , but I sure as hell didn’t want to stick around for it.” bowie shook his head with a chuckle. “no thank you. anyway..” he scanned the room, looking for the next person to ask.

“emma, truth or dare?”

“uh, dare, duh.” she comments, rolling her eyes a little as if his question was somehow ludicrous. 

“if you have to get up for the rest of the game, you cannot walk normally. you can jump on one foot or do a cartwheel or whatever.” bowie threw his hands around as he talked, a cheshire-like grin on his face.

emma groaned, leaning back in her chair with a small snort. “okay, okay, fine. uh..” ripper watched as emma scanned the room. “nichelle..! truth or dare?”

nichelle raised an eyebrow, leaning back until she was leaning against caleb. he did not seem to necessarily mind. “dare.”

“okay, uh,” emma spoke, putting a finger to her chin as she thought over the dares in her head. “let someone else text someone on your phone..!”

“okay,” nichelle held up her phone to the man she leaned against, looking up at him as she waited for him to take it. 

caleb took the phone from her, scrolling through her contacts for a minute before deciding on one, clicking on it.

while everyone waited for him to finish sending the text, ripper found his gaze gravitating towards a certain hoodies figure. chase. chase was one of the few friends ripper had made on that show. if anything, meeting chase, zee, and almost millie was almost worth not winning the million dollars.

ripper would never say this, of course. he was much too alpha for that.

ripper saw chase’s gaze fall onto ripper. he gave ripper a grin, and ripper could feel his heart leap up into his chest. that was…weird. this feeling had never happened to him. what was going on?

caleb returns the phone to nichelle, who reads over the text he sent. once she gave a snort, the tall man also let a snort of his own, and the two laughed a little over the message. nichelle pocketed her phone as she tried to catch her breath.

“okay, okay..” nichelle fanned at her eyes a little. “uh- chase? truth or dare?”

“dare,” chase scoffed. “obviously.”

“dude,” zee piped in, taking a sip from his soda. “you’ve picked dare like every time.”

“hey, that’s true!” raj nodded along to zee’s comment. “i mean, i think it’s cool.”

“well, i’m with zee!” emma half-yelled. “i think he should have to tell the truth!”

“whoa,” zee mumbled to himself. “did i say that?”

“okay, okay, break it up, butt-knuckles,” mk waved her hand at everyone. “we could just like vote on it or whatever.”

“hey, that doesn’t seem fair!” chase pouted to the people around him. “zee, ripper, back me up, guys!”

“uh-” ripper shook his head as he fully tuned in to the conversation once more. “y-yeah! yeah, he should get to do a dare!”

zee sort of just shrugged. “it really doesn’t matter to me, man.”

“i think mk’s got a good idea,” damien nodded towards the girl. “if we’re really that serious on it.”

“nichelle, you could just ask,” millie spoke up. “the worst he could really do is refuse.”

“ i got it,” nichelle dismissively waved a hand at everyone, looking back at chase. “who would you kiss in this room besides emma? and, if you want the dare, you gotta actually kiss them.”

quiet, “oohs,” filled the room from some people, while others sort of silently watched. chase had been put in a precarious situation, and everyone knew that.

ripper sat there, a million thoughts floating through his head, most of which he wasn’t even sure were his own. his heart stayed leapt up in his throat, yet he could feel it beating a thousand beats per minute in his chest. why was he feeling this way?! chase was a good friend of his! why was he getting so worked up over his friend kissing some chick?

“uh..” chase sort of scanned around the room a little. for a moment, his eyes locked with ripper’s. ripper could feel himself start to sweat before chase continued to look around. “maybe julia..?”

ripper could feel his heart slow down, yet the lump remained in his throat. the pit in his stomach only grew at his answer. what is wrong with him? ripper didn’t like julia, so it clearly wasn’t like ripper wanted to kiss her!

…kiss her . ripper came to the realization, which only caused him more frustration. he didn’t want to kiss her, no…he wanted to kiss chase . how could he be such an idiot and fall for his friend? he had never really felt this sort of way towards someone before. he’s only ever heard romance described as, “well, you’ll know when you feel it.” the response never made sense at the time.

it did now. there was no denying how much sense it made now.

was he a fool to assume that chase locking eyes with him after the question was asked meant anything? he was an idiot for assuming that chase would ever pick to kiss a guy, much less a guy like him.

the response earned a small snort from mk, which earned her a swat from julia. “no offense, chase,” julia spoke up. “but if you get near me for a kiss, i’m going to call the cops.”

small chuckles of amusement at her comment sounded around the room. ripper could hardly focus on them. he needed out of there. he just needed air. he leaned over to zee, who sat next to him, muttered something about stepping outside, then got up from his spot, making his way to the front door. 

he could feel millie’s eyes on him. he could feel chase’s eyes on him. 

ripper opened the door and walked out into the yard.

Chapter Text

ripper felt the wind blow through the air. it felt like a nice afternoon, the crisp smells of autumn air flooding through the man's nose and into his senses. the wind is a little chilly, but not enough to feel cold.

the weather only made ripper feel more hollow inside.

he could hear the game continue on inside, the noise picking back up after he went outside. he wasn't really paying attention. who did chase ask to go next? julia? probably.

he leans against the railing on the porch, letting out a long exhale as he leans his head against his arms, which lean against the top of the railing. it reminds him of the positions he might find his mother in, except he would usually find her holding a cigarette between her index and middle finger. he would say something to get her attention, and she'd raise her head, take a drag from the nicotine stick, then turn to him with a smile as the smoke would float out from her mouth as she'd ask him what was up. he would notice the bags under her eyes that she desperately tried to cover with whatever makeup products she had. 

ripper wondered if that's what love did. would she look the way she did if she had loved elsewhere?

ripper was pulled out of his thoughts by the front door opening.

he quickly stood up straight, not wanting anyone to catch him in a moment of weakness. that'd be lame. cringe. whatever word anyone wants to use. he didn't want it.

"ripper?"

millie.

he turned around, looking at the girl who had decided to join him. concern was clear on her face. she had never been really good at hiding her emotions. but she was a girl. she didn't have to.

he gave a small, two-fingered wave to the other. "what're you doing? isn't the game still going?"

he watched as she shook her head and approached the railing. she leaned against it as well, turning to look at him. "i think julia was getting her karaoke machine from her room." 

ripper could hear her let out a quiet exhale. she stared at him a minute, and ripper could tell she was trying to decide something. 

"are you okay?"

that was not the question he was expecting her to say.

"uh-" he scoffed at the question. "yeah. why wouldn't i be?"

"well.." she paused again, once again trying to figure out what the right way to say what she wanted to say was. "you left halfway through the game. i just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"things are fine." ripper responded, trying to keep his gaze off of her, hoping that the look on his face was hardened. more than anything, he hoped it didn't give him away.

it did. they both knew it did.

ripper wouldn't talk if he didn't want to. the two of them knew that. he never did on the show, unless it were by accident. it wasn't 'manly' to discuss those sorts of things, anyway.

millie let out a sigh. "okay.." she pushes herself off of the railing. "well, if you ever do, i'll listen." she places a hand on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze before pulling away and heading for the door.

her hand felt warm. her hand on his shoulder made him feel warm. 

he gave a sigh, turning back to her. "wait.."

millie stopped her movement of putting the hand on the door, turning back to him. "hm?"

"...you won't write this down in your notebook, will you?"

she shook her head. "no. i left that all behind."

he gave another sigh, motioning for her to come back, which she did. "it feels dumb."

"oh." millie uttered a little, giving a little nod. "well..if it helps any, i'm sure it's not…the dumbest thing you've thought..!"

ripper couldn't help but give a little chuckle at that. she wasn't wrong, he was well aware of that. "probably not. but i sure don't understand it."

"well, maybe I can help..!" millie offered, giving the other a small smile. "at the very least, i can listen."

ripper felt like if he sighed again, he would just deflate on the spot. so, instead, he opened his mouth to talk. he had always been good at that. "you know the truth that chase got?"

millie's eyebrows furrowed a tad at the question. "yeah..?"

"... i'm not.." he gave a little huff, pinching the bridge of his nose with his finger and pointer finger. "this is stupid.."

millie reached up, placing a hand once again on the other's shoulder. "if you want to say it, i know you can.."

"...i wish he had picked someone else.."

millie's confusion is clear on her face. but, the longer he went without saying anything, the more the clarity showed on her expression. "oh.."

"yeah.."

"oh, ripper.."

"i know.."

millie slowly shook her head a little, thoughts running through her head. "..what can i do to help?"

ripper stared ahead at the wall, his eyes tracing over the stone siding of the wall. he traced his eyes over the cracks in the stone, seeing where pieces of rock had started to fall apart and off of its original structure. his gaze turned down to look at the rocks sitting at the bottom of the wall.

the two remained in silence for a beat or two, millie only being able to offer her presence for the other as he mulled.

he eventually shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the railing, positioning himself so he wasn't putting all of his weight against it. he pressed his lips together, shaking his head once again.

“i don’t know..” it was the only thing he could really say. he once again pinched the bridge of his nose. his head feels like it’s about to explode with how much he had thought this over in such a short time frame. “i’m just..gonna let it go…”

millie had much more she wanted to say. the deafening silence pierced through the thoughts in his head, then seemed to stir the already boiling pot in his mind. he was sure that if the silence went on longer than it already was, he was going to snap.

“okay..” millie finally spoke. her voice came out quiet, only growing softer upon repeating it. “okay..”

ripper let out a long exhale through his nose, finally pushing himself off of the railing. “you said they were doing karaoke?”

“uh-” millie also pushed herself up. “yeah, they are..”

ripper nodded his head towards the door. “you wanna…go see who’s up or whatever?”

“ah..” millie thought she understood, at least a little. he wanted to move on. she also couldn’t help but wonder if this was his way of thanking her.. “yeah. let’s go.”

ripper opened the door, keeping it open for millie to come through as well. he then walked into the lounge area, flashing the best smile he could. he attempted to make himself part of the conversation.

“hey, you nerds can’t hog the microphone to yourselves!”

“there’s no way in hell i’m letting you sing.”

the banter from those around him could attempt to distract him from the man who had caused ripper’s turmoil in the first place.

it can attempt. it won’t get far.