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Chapter Text

The round dwarf laced his trousers with a satisfied grin on his face. “Tell your father he has one more month to pay his debt,” he said.

“Thank you, Mr. Northri!” Kili replied cheerfully.

Kili smiled widely but underneath the sheet his hands fisted in an attempt to not show the pain he felt from the bruises Northri had left on him. His toes curled in disgust when he felt filthy seed slowly leak out of his used hole. No, he must not show anything but gratefulness and satisfaction. He must not displease Northri, just as he must please every other dwarf who had been in this room with him. There were debts to pay and barely any money to survive and Northri was the richest and most powerful dwarf Kili’s family knew. One word from him and Kili’s family could find themselves on the street or worse, facing fates he had tried so hard to prevent with his body: death and a lifetime of humiliation. Kili must keep Northri happy.

Once he finished redressing, Northri turned to Kili, smirking. “Once he has paid his debt, tell your father he can borrow money from me again,” he said with a leer, his eyes roaming Kili’s body with unmistakable intent.

Kili’s body started to tremble. He felt sick, bile rising to his throat at the thought of letting the disgusting dwarf mount him again and call him insulting names for willingly spreading his legs for his father’s sake. Kili wanted to refuse, wanted to tell him to leave and never return, to take his money and hope that Kili, the dwarf who had no right to voice his lack of consent, would find it in his heart to forgive and forget what had been done to him. But then Kili thought of his poor mother and brother, their gaunt faces and red-rimmed eyes, the hunger they tried to stave off with water and little else, how without the help of depraved dwarfs such as Northri they wouldn’t survive for more than a month at best. Kili took a deep breath and smiled. “I will.”

Northri grinned. “In fact,” he said, palming his cock obscenely. “I might be inclined to visit again soon. I have just sold my old family house. I can put aside some money to help your father pay his debts.”

“That’s so generous of you, Mr. Northri,” Kili said despite his nausea. “I can’t wait for your next visit!”

“Of course you can't. Always hungry for dwarf cocks, aren’t you?” Northri sneered.

The smile stayed until Northri left, his mocking laughter ringing in the air and in Kili’s mind, hurting deeper than the bruises starting to form on his skin. Only after he was sure that Northri had left the house did Kili allow the smile to drop and his eyes to close. He curled up on his side of the bed, trying not to think of the thick smell of sex in the air, the stinging pain all over his body, the wet patch he lay on, the seed running down his thighs. He thought of how his mother would be relieved to know they would still have roof over their heads for a while more, how Fili wouldn’t have to keep working overtime to help pay the debts and buy food for the family, and how his father wouldn’t have to fear beating and death due to failure to return the money he had borrowed as he now had time to convince other dwarfs to lend him money to give to Northri and to gamble away again. Kili clenched his hands, feeling sick to his stomach.

Kili didn’t know how long he had stayed in his bed before Fili came to see him. He had lost track of time but he knew the darkness must have come because Fili never returned before dark, busy trying to spare Kili the humiliation but always failing to save him. Kili closed his eyes tightly when the bed dipped with Fili’s weight. He should feel ashamed for being found naked in bed with unmistakable signs of sex around him, but he had no pride left. There was no point in defending a body so often and so thoroughly used by so many.

“Kili,” Fili called quietly, sorrow and rage deepening his voice. Kili could sense Fili’s hand hover just above his shoulder but it never descended. Once, they had been inseparable and shared everything in their lives, but now Fili never touched him unless necessary and he looked away whenever he saw usually covered skin. Kili understood completely. Sometimes even he didn’t want to look, let alone touch himself.

When Fili cleared his throat, Kili turned his head slightly to acknowledge him. Fili’s smile was strained but it was kind, preferable to the lust-filled smiles of those who want Kili under them. Kili returned it, pretending that he was all right, that there was nothing wrong at all, that Fili was only waking him from a nap instead of rousing him from the dark pit his mind had been shoved into when Northri first laid his hand on him today.

“Home already? How was work?” Kili asked as a greeting.

Fili swallowed thickly as his eyes turned glassy. “It’s all right. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Fili said hoarsely.

Kili nodded and got up from bed. He put on a robe and took the dirty sheet with him, ignoring the stains on it. He saw Fili look away but said nothing. He followed Fili to the washroom where a bath had been prepared for him, a small form of luxury and a show of gratitude for the sacrifice he had made, but it wasn’t enough. Kili felt dirty and nothing, not even fire, could cleanse him.

Sometimes life was almost normal. Kili spent his time doing menial labors for his neighbors to earn some income for his family. He received stares every now and then from people who had heard of what use his father made of him, but he had learnt to ignore them. Some saw him with pity, others with disgust, but Kili only cared that they’re willing to employ him. He never turned down any work offer and never complained no matter how difficult and harsh the work was. In fact, he relished the aches at the end of the day. It was a pain he welcomed, pain from honest work rather than pain from selling his body for a few coins that would disappear in the gambling house.

There had been a time when he argued with his father, blaming him for the way his greed destroyed the livelihood of his family. Valuable under his roof disappeared one by one and any coin earned quickly evaporated. Kili had considered leaving his family and starting a new life on his own, but a mention of passing interest by a debtor directed toward Dis and a considering look on Vilir’s face had stopped him. Without a second thought, Kili had begged his father to spare Dis the humiliation, not realizing that with that plea, he had brought attention to himself, to how he took after Dis in appearance more than Vilir. He had been horrified when his father made the proposal, but a quick reminder that Dis could easily take his place had driven Kili to quickly agree. Kili kept his objections quiet and let himself be used to win favors, bearing the pain and shame in silence. Better him than Dis or Fili.

Once in a while Kili thought of running away the way Dis had ran away from her home many decades ago. However, his situation was different from hers. She had left with no worry in her mind and with her love by her side, hopeful for a happy family life. Meanwhile, Kili had to protect his mother and brother from whatever desperation brought Vilir to. He couldn’t leave, not without putting his loved ones in danger. And even if he could bring ignore his family’s wellbeing and leave, where should he go to? There was also nowhere for him to go to, no one to turn to, no hope as far as he could see. Those with good intention had long abandoned his family and Vilir’s endless debts had made sure Kili had little time to hone any skill which might help him survive on his own. He had to stay, whether he wanted to or not.

“Mother, could you pass the bread?” Kili asked with a smile Dis didn’t see. She kept her eyes on her plate as she handed him the plate of bread. Kili couldn’t remember the last time Dis looked at him in the eyes. She lived in the shadows of their house now, avoiding even her own family, shrouded by grief and regret, accompanied by silent tears. Pale and quiet, she was a far cry from the dwarf lady who once taught her sons how to fight and put them to bed with fantastical stories from her long family history. No longer was she an opinionated dwarf, a wife or a mother, only a ghost and occasional housekeeper, yet another victim of greed. Kili quieted his disappointment and thanked her. Unrecognizable as she was, at least she was spared from what he had to go through. “Do you want some?” he asked Fili beside him.

Fili shook his head, stirring his soup listlessly. “I’m not that hungry,” he said although it was plain to see that clothes which once fit were now too large on his frame. The smile which once so often light up his face along with good-natured mischief was rarely seen now, replaced by dark haunted looks not befitting a dwarf his age. He should’ve been happy, learning trades for his future, spending time with friends, seeking for and dreaming of his One, but he seemed weary most of the time. Work had worn him out, sapping out what little energy he gained from the little meals they could afford, yet Fili never complained, tirelessly working for his money despite knowing that whatever he earned would disappear all too soon, foolishly believing that if he worked hard enough he would be able to spare Kili from perversion. He was Kili’s last line of defense, the only one who still cared, and Kili knew he was trying in vain.

Kili broke his bread into two and gave the larger piece to Fili, ignoring the frown directed his way. “Dieting, Fili? I know you’ve been speaking with the elves too much!” he teased, grinning.

There was an easy reply to the joke, but Fili didn’t say it. He knew more than anyone how Kili’s looks had made him the target of many cruel mockeries. No matter how Kili smiled and claimed he didn’t care, Fili never believed him. There was a time when the suspicion was correct, when Kili’s unusual appearance was a source of insecurity and heartache, but Kili had now been called worse and couldn’t bring himself to care. Fili didn’t know this, however, and Kili intended to keep it that way. He had enough stress as it was.

“Not all of us aspire to look like a ball, Kili,” Fili retorted dryly. Much to Kili’s delight, however, he dipped the bread into his soup and ate it. “Besides, a large belly will get in the way of working in the forge.”

Kili hummed thoughtfully. “We can’t have that, can we?” he said in mock seriousness. “Since your wiry arms have already given you so much problem.” He grinned widely when Fili gave him a nasty look.

Banter at the dining table was familiar. It had been a fixture of their family life as far as Kili could remember. As children it had been a silly competition to win their parents’ approval and as they grew older, it served as a way to reinforce their closeness as the time they spent apart grew. After a long day, it offered a little bit of cheer. They always enjoyed teasing each other, trading playful jabs with no intention to hurt though to others they might think they went too far. Now it had become something Kili looked forward to, the only thing he looked forward to. It was an illusion of normalcy, a pretense that everything was going well, something to help them get through the final hours of the day before everything started again. Kili tried not to pay attention to how Dis didn’t crack a smile and Vilir was looking thoughtfully at the distance. People changed. Situation changed. There was nothing to do but to make the best of the present, no matter how difficult and sometimes painful.

“Kili is right. You need energy for work,” Vilir interrupted with a smile.

Kili and Fili fell silent, turning toward their father. The smile was a reminder of an easier and happier time a long time ago, but Kili and Fili had learned to be wary of it. Once a loving father he had turned into a feared figure since he was introduced to gambling. What started as leisure activity became a full time occupation as he abandoned his work and his family for hours of trying his luck. What was once a hobby became a disease of the mind corrupting him, blinding him from how much harm he had caused and magnifying the rare victory. There was little to love and even less to respect for him from his family now. He never raised his hands against his family, but it was only a small consolation and the pain he caused was deeper than what met the eye. Kili quietly took a deep breath as Fili squeezed his knee under the table. Nothing good came out of gaining their father’s attention nowadays.

“I’m all right,” Fili said carefully.

“Are you sure? Didn’t you take extra work at the forge?”

Kili turned to Fili in surprise. “Is that why you’ve been leaving early and coming home late?” He smiled when Fili shrugged nonchalantly and nudged Fili’s side playfully. “And here I was sure you had met someone.”

Fili’s retort was interrupted by a thoughtful hum by Vilir. “That’s right. The forge is quite far from here, isn’t it?” Vilir asked. “You can save time if you have a pony to ride to work.”

Fili surreptitiously shifted closer to Kili, his hand gripping Kili’s knee tighter. “We can’t afford it,” he said tensely.

Vilir smiled widely. His once gentle eyes lighted up with cunningness and greed. Kili’s heart pounded in his chest. No matter how often he had seen it, no matter how he knew it would happen again and again, no matter how he told himself that it was for the best, a frisson of fear still ran through him at the prospect of being the coin that bought his family’s survival. His skin prickled in disgust, his body remembering all too well the harsh touches which had been laid upon it.

Vilir puffed out his chest proudly as he announced to his family, “We’ll be having a guest! I have invited your mother’s brother to visit us!”

Fili frowned in confusion. “Mother’s brother?”

“Thorin,” Dis said quietly, speaking for the first time that night.

“Thorin?” Kili wondered, repeating the forgotten name. It felt vaguely familiar though he couldn’t remember anything of the dwarf who owned the name. Dis’s stories of her past was but a distant memory and she never visited or communicated with her family and friends since she started a family of her own. Why, then, was Thorin suddenly visiting? Kili and Fili glanced at each other, sharing their unease with a look.

Vilir nodded enthusiastically. “I sent him a message. I told him that we would like to reconnect with your mother’s side of the family and he agreed to come to Ered Luin. He should arrive this summer!” Vilir explained happily. “Now, remember, you must treat him well. He is a very respectable dwarf, a very successful merchant! He is used to certain kinds of treatment and we mustn’t disappoint him!” He looked at Kili pointedly. “Kili, you know what to do.”

Kili’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. Surely his father didn’t mean… But the way Vilir was looking at him was unmistakable. He had seen and accepted it many times before but disgust and disbelief overwhelmed him this time. Kili swallowed thickly as Fili’s fists connected with the table loudly, rattling plates, bowls, and cups on it.

Fili glared at his parents angrily. “How could you do this? He’s our own uncle! He’s your brother!” He directed the last sentence to Dis who shut her eyes tightly and bit her lip.

“Please. We need this,” she begged quietly. Not to her husband to change his mind, but to Fili to accept the decision, causing pain to lance through Kili’s heart. He had long since ceasing to expect protection from her but he hadn’t expected to see her supporting Vilir when he planned to use their son to win her brother’s favor.

“His help will be beneficial for us all, Fili,” Vilir said calmly, undeterred by her son’s anger. “We won’t have to sell our belongings and we’ll be able to get you that new pony.”

“A pony,” Kili repeated, hurt. It was likely the only thing they would get from this horrible ploy. He knew no more than a scrap of whatever given to them would go to their suffering family. Most of it would be lost on gambling tables, just as before. The only other thing they would gain was another dwarf Kili had to admit between his legs and this time it wasn’t any dwarf, it was his own uncle.

“I can walk! I’ll save money on my own! I don’t need Thorin’s help!” Fili shouted. He looked at Kili, holding his hand almost painfully. “You can’t make Kili do this!”

“Don’t be unreasonable, Fili. Look around you. We need help,” Vilir said, gesturing around them.

Indeed their once lovely house had become deteriorated. There cracks on the wooden walls and the floor and their furniture were old and rickety. The kitchen was almost completely barren of food. The clothes they wore were years old with various patches to repair tears from fruitless hard work. Yet despite all this, they all knew it would only get worse since Vilir spent more money than what they all earned combined.

“Can’t we just ask him?” Kili asked, unable to give his usual immediate acceptance when he was faced with the task of seducing his own uncle. He felt ill. He could ignore sleeping with strangers, but with his own kin? With someone who shared his blood? How much lower would he be degraded to?

For the first time, discomfort fleeted through Vilir’s eyes. He glanced at Dis who didn’t meet his gaze. “I don’t think that would work. We didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

Fili shook his head. “But he’s our uncle!” he argued. “And who’s to say he will be interested in what you want Kili to do? Didn’t you say he’s a respectable dwarf?”

Vilir shrugged, unbothered. “I’m sure Kili can handle that,” he said calmly.

The reminder that this was a familiar territory, that Kili had convinced other dwarfs to repeatedly fall into bed with him, cut deep and it hurt even more as there was no denying of it. It was true that Kili had learned to draw interest and to make people forget their reservations, to invite people to take and demand, to keep quiet his pained screams. It was true that he had gotten used to it. It was true that he had mastered how to do it, that if he tried hard enough, he would no doubt succeed in luring Thorin to this bed. Across the table from him, Dis began to tremble, hiding the sobs wrecking her thin body, but no one consoled her. Fili looked away, unable to look at his family, while Vilir looked at the dwarfs he had broken, not a trace of regret in his eyes.

“I’ll do anything to support our family,” Fili said through gritted teeth. “There’s no need for this.”

Vilir looked at his son calmly, but there was maliciousness in his eyes as he considered Fili’s plea. Panic burst inside Kili. Surely Vilir wouldn’t consider putting his other son in the shameful situation Kili was in. Kili searched his father’s face for mercy but only saw cold calculative looks. Vilir wouldn’t spare Fili if it meant earning coins to pay for his gambling habit. Kili clenched his hands painfully into fists. No. Only one person in his family needed to know these pain and humiliation.

“We need Thorin’s help,” Kili said resolutely. Fili looked at him as if he had betrayed him but Kili had to do this for him and their family. He turned his gaze to Vilir who was smiling widely in victory. “Don’t we?”

“We do,” Vilir said, nodding. He leaned forward eagerly, grinning at his son. “So, do you agree?”

Kili ignored the look of despair Fili gave him and the tears freely falling from Dis’s eyes and nodded. “Yes.”

Chapter Text

Tension thickened as Thorin’s arrival approached. Kili caught Dis staring at him sadly more often and Fili’s temper worsened, as evidenced by his baleful glares and silence to his parents. Only Vilir seemed happy, ecstatic even, at the prospect of convincing his brother in-law to give him some money by using his son. It still sickened Kili to think of what he had been ordered to do, but he focused on the task at hand and what changes it might bring if he succeeded. He swallowed his dying protests as he helped Vilir prepared their house for Thorin’s stay. They furnished a spare room with their best belongings and arranged the communal sections of their house to be more pleasing to the eye. It was still not something a rich merchant might be accustomed with but Vilir was sensible enough not to force himself to buy new items just for the stay. Housing a guest wouldn’t be cheap, however, and they only had a few spare silver which barely enough to cover the expenses of their family, so Northri came one day, having apparently agreed to loan a large sum of money to Vilir to host Thorin.

“Your father is planning something,” Northri growled as he twisted Kili’s nipple until he squirmed in pain. “What does he have in mind?”

“Nothing,” Kili gasped, trying to escape the pain on his chest, only to impale himself further on Northri’s cock spearing him. “My uncle is coming. We need-ah!-we need to prepare for his stay.”

“Is that all?” Northri asked, digging his fingers into Kili’s hips.

Through the haze of pleasure and pain, shame and fear broke in. Kili might be a whore but people wouldn’t take kindly to him planning to bed his uncle, even those who had degraded him in nearly every way imaginable. The social ramification of sleeping with one’s own blood for coins wouldn’t be pretty. Not wanting to reveal Vilir’s desperate bid for wealth, Kili used a trick he knew Northri wouldn’t be able reject. He widened his eyes, clenching his hands on the sheet and bucking his hips. “Please. I need to come,” he begged breathlessly.

Northri scoffed but his eyes darkened in arousal. After releasing Kili’s nipple, he used Kili’s body harshly, each sharp thrust sending air out of Kili’s lungs. Northri knew his body too well. He angled his hips just so, making Kili writhed beneath him, unwillingly being overwhelmed by pleasure as Northri’s cock massaged his sensitive prostate. Kili’s cock was red and dripping despite his displeasure of being used. Taking himself in hand, he stroked himself quickly to fake eagerness and end it as soon as possible. Northri barked a laugh and harshly pulled his hair back, forcing him to arch his back, and bent down to lick and bit Kili’s heaving chest. The position was uncomfortable and Northri’s slick tongue on his skin sickened him, but he didn’t protest. Kili cried out in relief when he came, seed splattering on their abdomens. Above him, Northri made a bullish grunt and gave Kili no chance to recover as he selfishly took his pleasure in his sensitive body, making him whine and squirme.

“Don’t think you can run from me,” he growled to Kili’s ear as he rammed into him, ignoring how Kili winced in pain. “Don’t think Vilir can run from his debts.”

After a few hard thrusts, he filled Kili, biting Kili’s shoulder so hard he cried out. A little blood was spilled but at least it was over. Kili closed his eyes, focusing on milking Northri’s cock and only opened them when Northri withdrew to redress. Despite Kili’s usual cheerful gratitude, Northri seemed displeased still. This worried Kili, but Northri kept his words and gave the coins he had promised Vilir, so Kili quietly treated his bruises and washed his sheets. Fortunately, after Northri, no one else came. It was only a small reprieve, but Kili tried to take comfort where he could. He knew that once Thorin arrived, there would be no such thing, he was to be ready to pleasure Thorin whenever he desired.

On the day of Thorin’s arrival, a fine day at the cusp of summer, Kili cleaned himself thoroughly and put on his best clothes-a difficult feat since most of his clothes were by now old and worn. He brushed and oiled his hair until it shone. He frowned at his thin and beardless reflection, but there was no helping it. He could only hope that Thorin would at least overlook it enough to use him. A small part of Kili foolishly kept the hope that they could convince Thorin to help them without resorting to this, but Vilir would want something to seal the deal, an assurance that Thorin wouldn’t change his mind and an offer of what Thorin would get if in the future he was willing to help them again. It was unavoidable and failure wasn’t an option. Kili had to successfully seduce Thorin.

Dis seemed ill as they waited for Thorin’s arrival. Her face was pale, her eyes rimmed with redness, and her lip bitten raw. She looked at the floor, unable to meet her sons’ eyes. Fili in particular looked at her angrily, but his anger was impotent. It wouldn’t change anything. Vilir wouldn’t let it change anything. They couldn’t afford to let it change anything and Fili knew it. He sat beside Kili, protective but powerless. In the past couple of months Fili had done all he could to earn more money to settle Vilir’s debt to spare Kili the terrible fate of sleeping with their own uncle, but it was no use. The debt was too large and it would only grow, not something which could be covered with money earned from being an employee in a small forge. They needed Thorin’s help. The case had been settled long before Kili agreed to cooperate, before Vilir announced his plan, before any of them realized what an impossible situation they were in. Now, Kili had to put it in action.

Kili tried to appear unaffected. Showing any sign of distress would make Dis and Fili feel worse and it was clear that they felt horrible enough as they were. They didn’t need to know that he was barely able to sleep last night, haunted by thoughts of sleeping with his own kin. They had never met before, he told himself repeatedly. They were related by legality and legacy, but they were strangers to each other and Thorin would be no different from the dwarfs Kili had been with in the past. These thoughts eased someone Kili’s anguish but he was still acutely aware of what he had to do and what would be reduced to. Still, despite the sickness in his gut, he tried to look brave, as if this was an ordinary day and they were only expecting a visit from a friend. And while Thorin might not be a friend now, by the end of his stay he had to be at least an ally, someone willing to help, preferably repeatedly, if for selfish instead of altruistic reasons.

A knock came loud and clear all of a sudden, startling three of the dwarfs. Vilir, the only one not surprised, nearly flew to the front door in his excitement. “Come!” he called Dis impatiently. He looked at Kili pointedly as Dis approached him shakily. “Kili, remember what you must do!”

Vilir looked away before Kili could nod, let alone argue. But it wasn’t as if he couldn’t argue, was it? Kili took a deep breath as Vilir opened the door. He had done it before, he reminded himself. He had done this many times before. This time wasn’t different, regardless of the fact that he and Thorin were related. This was just another dwarf Kili must satisfy with his body. Kili closed his eyes tightly for a moment, quieting his desire to plead his case by remembering how badly his family suffered and how Thorin could help them, then opened them and smiled widely.

“Vilir.”

Deep voice sent shiver down Kili’s spine. Thorin entered their humble house, looking every bit like the respectable dwarf he was and not someone even remotely related to Kili’s poor family. He was tall and imposing, his gaze sharp and cold when it rested on his brother in-law. Though Kili’s family was wearing their best clothes, they were mere peasants in comparison to Thorin who was covered in thick fur, leather, and embroidered silk. His beads, ear clasp, rings, and gold necklace glittered under the sunlight, drawing Vilir’s hungry gaze. He brought himself with confidence, immediately commanding respect and even fear. This impression was further amplified by the beautiful sword at his hip. There was a distinct impression that this wasn’t a mere merchant. This was a warrior.

Kili swallowed. He had been with this kind of dwarfs before. They weren’t known for their kindness and always left him in ruin, aching from their purely selfish use of his body. Even the kinder ones often forgot their strength in the throes of passion, leaving deep bruises which would stay for days. Kili studied Thorin’s muscular arms and his broad shoulders. He was taller and better-built than any dwarf Kili had been with, likely stronger, more capable of causing harm. Kili nearly recoiled in fear, thinking of what Thorin might do to him, but he forced himself to stay where he was and smile.

“Did you find this house easily?” Vilir asked.

“Not exactly. Your map got me lost a few times.” Thorin let Vilir stammered his apology and turned to his sister. Unlike the aloofness and dismissal he showed Vilir, he smiled when he saw Dis. However, there was also wariness in his eyes. “Dis.”

Dis smiled weakly and embraced Thorin tightly. Her sob was muffled by Thorin’s broad shoulder and she quickly pulled away before it grew. “Thorin,” she choked out with a watery smile. “It’s been a while.”

Thorin nodded. “Indeed.” His voice was solemn as he took a step back from her.

It was clear that there was a story not told by Dis and Vilir. Fili and Kili had only been told about the happy life in Erebor, the relatives and friends, and memorable episodes from childhood. None of them would warrant this sort of interaction. Kili wondered what had happened before Dis left to be with Vilir to leave the siblings this reserved when they met for the first time in decades. This musing, however, was disrupted when Vilir gestured to his sons behind Thorin’s back, reminding Dis of what she was expected to do. She paled but there was no fight in her eyes. Unwittingly, Kili trembled. He hadn’t been this worried of the prospect of sleeping with someone, but the combination of the fact that Thorin was family and his obvious strength rattled Kili’s nerves. He glanced at Fili to seek support, but his brother was tensely watching Thorin, not paying attention to him. Kili swallowed thickly, feeling very alone.

“Let me-let me introduce you to my sons. This is Fili, my oldest,” Dis croaked out, drawing a curious look from Thorin. However, Dis looked away and he seemed to dismiss it as her being emotional due to the reunion.

“Uncle,” Fili greeted stiffly.

Thorin nodded in reply, studying him quietly. Fili was usually friendlier than this, charming people with his wit and confident smile. But he didn’t smile this time, clearly not interested in getting along with his uncle better. Similarly, Thorin studied Fili in a detached fashion. Kili couldn’t tell whether it was a part of his personality to be distant or whether he was uninterested in the life Dis led after her marriage. The Thorin Dis painted in her stories was a responsible older brother, quite serious in nature, but ultimately caring. This dwarf before them was a stranger to Kili in every way.

“And this is… Kili.” Dis’s voice was but a whisper. Her mouth opened as if to speak more but she stepped back instead and bowed her head, leaving Kili to his own devices.

“Uncle! I’m glad to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!” Kili lied smoothly. He laughed when Thorin raised an eyebrow dubiously. “May I take your coat?”

Thorin studied him for a moment, justly suspicious of Kili’s enthusiasm. But Kili had seen this cautious reaction before and knew how to make his smile appear genuine. Unable to detect any lie, Thorin nodded and took off his coat. Kili helped him, surreptitiously caressing his shoulders and back, his touch too light to be called inappropriate but firm enough that it couldn’t be dismissed as an accident. Thorin frowned at him but Kili had moved away to store his coat. It was important not to rush and show his interest and willingness in small portions. Kili should butter him up first, earning his favor until it was certain that his offer wouldn’t be refused. He had done this well many times before and he would do it again today. Fili and Dis averted their eyes, unable to watch him play his part.

“Fili, Kili, take your uncle’s carriage to the backyard, put the ponies in the stable, and bring his luggage to his room! This way, Thorin. We’ve prepared wine for you!” Vilir said and led Thorin to the dining room.

Just before they disappeared from view, Thorin threw an unreadable look to Kili. He might not be interested yet, but he clearly had an inkling of what Kili offered and he wasn’t completely averse to it. Though his heart lurched in his chest, Kili grinned at him. The ruse had begun.

Thorin was suspicious but after a few glasses of wine he began to relax, even laughing a few times at Vilir and Kili’s jokes. The alcohol had the same effect on Dis who, although still upset, managed to crack a few smiles. Only Fili was quiet, burdened by the knowledge that this was a mere prelude to Kili’s mission. Kili gave him reassuring smiles, although it was in vain, Fili remaining gloomy by his side. There was no chance to cheer him, however. Kili focused his attention to Thorin, cracking jokes and telling stories to soften him. He was still distant, still watching them with slight wariness, but Kili could see growing fondness in his eyes and the slight curve of his lips. Kili knew when Thorin started to ask him more about Ered Luin that he had started to won over Thorin’s heart.

Eliminating the emotional distance between them was only the first step, however. Kili made sure to touch Thorin lightly and briefly every so often, reminding him of his presence and hinting him of his intention. He started with Thorin’s arms and hands, brushing them while pretending to be impressed by Thorin’s strength (Kili tried not to think of what that strength would do to him later that night. There would be nothing to be done with it when it came to pass, after all), then his back while pretending to reach something, and finally his thigh as he pretended to be drunk. Thorin looked at Kili more and more intently as the night wore on but nothing more. Unlike others who had been treated the same by Kili, he contained himself carefully. Alcohol didn’t loosen his iron-clad control of himself and let his primal instinct take over. It was quite understandable, as they were related and no respectable person would openly lust after his own close relative, but this was hindering Kili’s task. It seemed that Kili had to make the first move this time. The thought of actively offering himself to Thorin made Kili feel ill, but he knew his duty and intended to carry it out to the end.

After dinner, Thorin was the first to retire to his room. Vilir and Dis immediately followed suit and went to their room. Vilir gave Kili as pointed look before he left, but even without the reminder Kili wouldn’t forget what he was expected to do. After all, how could one forget that he was asked to seduce his own uncle? But Kili didn’t linger at this thought. He quickly prepared himself, changed into a light robe and went to Thorin’s room. It was best to do this as soon as possible, before Thorin’s interest wane and he started to doubt Kili’s intention, to say nothing of how the anticipation tortured Kili. However, just as he left his room, Fili stopped him.

“You don’t have to do this,” he pleaded. His expression twisted in agony as if it was he who was sent to Thorin’s bed instead of Kili.

“I have to. We need his help,” Kili replied, frowning, as he shook his head. The devastated look of Fili’s face at his refusal nearly ruined Kili’s resolve. Fili never approved of what Vilir had reduced Kili into but Kili had never seen his brother this broken-hearted and betrayed before. He understood that this situation was unprecedented, but he never meant to burden Fili with worry. “Think of a new pony. We’ll get one and your work will be easier!” Kili grinned. “And we can have proper meal! When was the last time we had one?”

Fili grimaced. “How long will Thorin’s aid last? We’ve seen this before. It never stayed long.”

No, money never lasted long in the hands of Vilir. This wasn’t a permanent solution. Thorin’s help would grant them temporary peace, but sooner or later they would be back to hiding from angry money lenders and being visited by perverted dwarfs. However…

“But it will help,” Kili said to convince himself and Fili. He reached out to grip Fili’s arm but then remembered how Fili avoided his touch whenever Kili traded sex for help. Kili dropped his hand and smiled widely. “It will be all right! We’ll buy that pony for you and food for everyone! Don’t worry!”

Kili left before Fili could protest and swayed his determination. A tiny part of him hoped Fili would stop him again and refused to let him go, but then he heard Fili’s retreating footsteps. It was for the best, he knew, but it still hurt nonetheless. In his dark house, he was all alone with no one to safe him from the disgusting act he was to perform. Kili closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath. He had to be strong. He had no one to help him.

Kili quickly went to Thorin’s door, not wanting to give any chance for doubt to settle in his mind. He thought of a reprieve from poverty and threats, no matter how briefly. Once he had gathered his courage, he knocked on the door. The noise was loud in the silent house, a sinful announcement of the perversion Kili was about to partake in. He clenched his hands into fists and waited.

“Come in,” came a voice from inside the room.

Kili entered Thorin’s room before he lost his courage. He closed the door firmly behind him and leaned on it briefly as he surveyed the room. There were a few satchels and chests inside the small room, making it seem cramped. There were a few personal items on a table by the bed: jewelries, a comb, and a book. A couple of candles burnt bright in the room. It seemed that Thorin was just getting ready to sleep. His thick clothes had been replaced by more comfortable nightwear, the light fabric displaying his muscular body that Kili had only imagined before. Even without his thick coat he was intimidating, his height and muscular body making Kili felt small. Every inch of Thorin oozed with strength and Kili’s stomach dropped at the thought of what might happen.

Thorin raised an eyebrow at Kili. “A little late for a chat, isn’t it?”

This snapped Kili out of his daze. He gathered his courage and, with a jovial smile, approached Thorin. “I want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“I am.”

Kili nodded, not really paying attention to Thorin’s words, and untied his robe. “I’d like to be sure.”

The robe slipped off Kili’s body smoothly and pooled around his feet. He affected a confident smile. While his appearance was far from ideal for a dwarf, he was certain that revealing himself wasn’t a misstep. Kili studied Thorin’s reaction carefully. Thorin didn’t make a move, but he didn’t seem repelled, either. He ran his eyes down Kili’s body quickly before returning his impassive gaze to Kili’s face. He said nothing, but there was a beginning of burning passion in his cold eyes. If Kili had any doubt of his interest, he could be sure now. Thorin wanted him. He just needed a small encouragement to act on that interest.

Emboldened by this, Kili reached out to run his hand over Thorin’s chest, lightly combing the short hair peeking from under the nightshirt. His chest rose and fall steadily as Kili’s stroked it, his control still firmly in place, so Kili slipped his hand under Thorin’s shirt. The tight muscles of Thorin’s abdomen clenched when Kili caressed it and, for the first time, his breath stuttered. Feeling bold, Kili dipped his fingertips into Thorin’s breeches, searching for his cock. Suddenly Thorin seized his hand to stop him.

“What would your parents and brother think?” Thorin asked.

Kili shrugged. Fili and Dis were devastated but they would never come to stop him, while Vilir would be glad to know Kili had done his work. “Let them think what they want to think.”

Kili waited for more argument, but none was forthcoming. Kili ducked his head to hide his bitter smile. Thorin wasn’t averse to this, after all. Kili tugged his hand free all too easily and dipped his hand lower until it slipped into Thorin’s breeches. Kili swallowed when his hand closed over Thorin’s cock. It felt big even though it was only partially hard. He resisted the urge to wince and expertly stroked it to full hardness. He could feel Thorin’s eyes on him but he focused on the movements of his hand, unable to meet his uncle’s eyes. He noted that Thorin’s breathing barely accelerated, but Kili had in his hand the proof that he wasn’t unaffected. It took only a moment to bring him to full arousal, silky and heavy in Kili’s hand and weeping steadily at the tip. Kili tightened his grip, finally drawing a reaction in the form of a slight jerk of hips and a small sharp exhalation. Glancing up, he saw that Thorin’s icy blue eyes had darkened as he watched Kili, his desire clear on his face. His cock twitched in Kili’s grip when Kili licked his lips and smiled.

Deciding that it was time to move on to the next step, Kili removed his hand from the silky length and quickly undid Thorin’s breeches before pushing the garment down to reveal Thorin’s cock. It curved upward proudly between strong thighs and thick veins ran along the column of flesh nestled on a thatch of black hair. It was flushed in impatience for release and its size was intimidating. This night would end with soreness, if not pain. Kili couldn’t stop, however. He recalled his past experiences, pushed away the less pleasant memories of gagging and crying, and dropped down to his knees. However, before he managed to do so, Thorin stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Bed,” Thorin said, short and succinct without a trace of doubt.

Smiling widely, Kili got onto the bed. He arranged himself on all fours, presenting Thorin his entrance to use and spreading his legs as widely as possible without being too obviously worried of Thorin’s size. Though he had prepared himself, now that he had seen Thorin’s cock, he feared it wasn’t enough. Kili’s heart pounded in anticipation of pain. Perhaps he should hint that he needed a little more stretching, but the task of preparation usually fell on him. His visitors only came to take their pleasure, not to make sure that he was comfortable. Kili took a deep breath to calm himself. They usually preferred him tight, so this should please Thorin, hopefully enough to convince him to help Kili’s family a little. How Kili felt was of little consequence.

Kili watched Thorin take off his clothes, slowly revealing his body. Bare, it was even more obvious that he was a warrior rather than a merchant. There were scar tissues of varying sizes decorating his body, one of them was even over his heart. His muscles flexed with every movement, displaying the formidable strength they possessed. Thorin caught Kili’s eyes and lazily stroked his cock, patient but full of intent. Though his fear grew, Kili couldn’t look away as Thorin climbed onto the bed. He felt like a prey, pinned down by a predator’s gaze. Kili was by no means weak, but at that moment he felt vulnerable. Thorin didn’t notice this, however, and knelt behind him, staring for a long moment at the body offered to him before stroking Kili’s inner thighs with his large hands.

Instead of spreading them as Kili thought, the large hands applied soothing pressure on tense muscles. Kili gasped in surprise as every knot, every hint of nervousness was massaged until it went away. The hands drifted upward a few time, to just below his buttocks, but they always slid down again. Thorin watched him carefully as he massaged the tense thighs sensuously, although what he expected to see, Kili didn’t know. Kili sighed softly and rested his head on the bed as his body gradually submitted to Thorin.

No one had ever helped him relax, even those who knew that he was too taut. Some of them even seemed to relish in it. Now, Kili moaned quietly as Thorin eased the tension with gentle pressure, very close to begging to be touched more. He nearly whined in disappointment when Thorin’s hands finally reached his cheeks. A long slow exhalation came from behind him as Thorin ran his hands up and down the plump cheeks. Kili bit his lip and clutched the sheet tightly, waiting. His cheeks were squeezed briefly before Thorin gently spread them, revealing Kili’s loose hole. His thumb circled the rim over and over slowly, making Kili quiver in anticipation. Then, the tip pressed the loosened furl, the pressure increasing steadily as if it was going to push in, but it never did. Just as Kili’s body opened up for him, the thumb withdrew to continue tracing the ring of muscles which now clenched over emptiness hungrily. Again, Thorin pressed his thumb against Kili’s entrance. This time he let the very tip slipped inside. Just this, just this initial stretch, made Kili mewl, his cock twitched in interest for the first time that night. This was repeated many times until Kili shook in effort to not push back and desperately moaned when Thorin gave him the tip of his thumb to clench on. Heat built up inside him, centering below his belly. His cock slowly filled, curving up and begging for at least a stroke.

Kili whined when the thumb disappeared again. His cheeks were squeezed one last time before the hands moved to grip Kili’s hips. Suddenly, Thorin turned Kili to his back. Kili gasped when he suddenly found himself lying on the bed. He was slim, but he wasn’t that light, so the ease with which Thorin maneuvered him surprised him. Confused and disoriented, he didn’t pay attention to Thorin crawling up above him until his nipple was captured in a warm wet mouth. He arched his back, crying out in surprise. Thorin’s large hands were on him once again, caressing his sides slowly, as Thorin licked and sucked his nipple with ardor. The fingers of one hand found Kili’s neglected nipple and flicked it gently back and forth with his thumb as he continued to tease the other bud with his agile tongue and soft lips. Panting softly, Kili pushed his chest to Thorin’s mouth as, over and over again, Thorin sucked his nipple hard before lapping at it to soothe the soreness. He lifted his shaking arms to lightly caress Thorin’s back to return the attention, but it didn’t feel right and he dropped them again to clutch at the sheet helplessly. He whined loudly, unable to withhold the noise, when Thorin left the bud to switch to the other. His hand teased the wet nipple as he proceeded to give the same treatment to the other side. Once it was tight and wet, he licked it broadly before switching back to the other nub. He kept switching between them for a time, caressing Kili’s side and slowly overtaking him with pleasure. Kili couldn’t help himself, gasping and whining when Thorin sucked his nipples hard and when his teeth lightly grazed them. Between his legs, his cock throbbed and dripped pre-spend. It took all his self-restraint not to rub himself on Thorin’s abdomen to relieve the ache.

Finally Thorin pulled away with one last wet sound and inspected his work. The pink nubs were now red, hard and wet from his ministration and Kili was panting, looking at Thorin with something akin to desperation. Satisfied with the result, he moved his attention elsewhere. Kili gasped loudly when Thorin began kissing and nipping his sensitive neck. Instinctively, he tipped his head back and Thorin immediately took advantage of it, sucking small bruises around his beard line and behind his ears. Moaning freely, Kili wrapped an arm around Thorin’s broad shoulder while his other hand combed Thorin’s wild hair and pulled him close. He hooked his feet behind Thorin’s thighs, silently begging him to be closer.

Few had cared to find what pleasured Kili and when they did care, they mostly only did so to further humiliate him. But not so with Thorin whose breath caressed his sensitive neck until he shivered, whose tongue and lips made him whimper for more, whose hands provided anchor in the confusing storm of lust. Thorin didn’t mock him, didn’t mention how sick he was for liking this. He was silent but for quiet moans as he left his marks on Kili’s neck. His hard cock nudged Kili’s bottom but he didn’t push into Kili or rut against him, which was unfair as Kili was barely able to not grind his cock on Thorin, searching for relief although he had yet to do anything for Thorin. Kili was so lost in pleasure, in a need he had never felt before, that he almost didn’t notice Thorin’s lips inches away from his.

“What are you doing?” Kili asked sharply, jerking his head back before he could stop himself.

Thorin stopped and leaned back slightly to look at Kili better. “Trying to kiss you,” he replied. He narrowed his eyes. “Have you never been kissed?”

“Of course I have!” Kili said indignantly. Northri, who was the first dwarf he had bedded, had been intent on being his first in everything, and after him there were some who took pleasure in taking him in every way. But, kissing was mostly done as a chore, a mockery of something lovers do, and wasn’t customary. Whores aren’t to be kissed. They’re to be fucked. “That’s not what’s usually asked from me, is all,” he continued with as much dignity as he could muster, seeing as he was lying naked under his uncle.

Thorin’s lips thinned. “It’s what I ask for.”

Kili looked at Thorin for a while, trying to understand the strange dwarf, before relaxing. If that’s what Thorin wanted then he shouldn’t argue. “All right,” he said.

Kili shuddered when Thorin pressed their lips together, the simple contact somehow producing dizzying heat throughout his body. Their lips mold wonderfully together and Kili surrendered himself when Thorin deepened the kiss. When coaxed with a wet slide of tongue, Kili opened the seams of his lips, letting Thorin claim his mouth. It felt uncomfortably intimate, the way Thorin kissed him. He explored Kili’s mouth slowly and thoroughly and teased Kili’s tongue into doing the same. He groaned deep into Kili’s mouth and slotted their bodied close together when Kili’s hesitant tongue caressed the roof of his mouth. His exploration slowed, savoring instead of claiming, and between Kili’s legs his hips rocked, grinding their cocks together. His thumb found Kili’s nipple again and teased it as slowly as he moved his hips. Thorin broke the kiss every now and then to moan breathlessly and quickly resealed their lips together. He gripped Kili’s hip and guided him to rock his hips, sliding their dripping cocks against each other. Kili’s keens seemed to please him and he stroked Kili’s side, humming into his mouth, as he tilted his head to kiss Kili deeply. The sensual kiss, the wandering hands and the slow grinding of his hips slowly but surely undid Kili. He ached. He wanted. He needed.

Kili turned his head to the side, breaking the kiss with a gasp. He pushed Thorin away to get the vial of oil in his robe, using the chance to catch his breath and clear the fog in his head. His legs were weak and his hands trembled ever so slightly. Kili wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, to continue rocking together with Thorin until they found release or to be filled until they came in each other’s arms. He had never felt this way before. The previous dwarfs he had been with only took him without much care for pleasure-sharing and often Kili ended the session without coming at all. Yet now between his legs his erection pulsed impatiently, hungry for Thorin’s touch, and he found himself wanting more of the care and attention shown. Kili shook his head. This was just another dwarf he must sleep with, just another temporary lifeline. Kili must keep his distance. He must not confuse his duty and his own sick lust.

Kili handed the vial to Thorin and then settled again onto his hands and knees, presenting himself. He looked at Thorin and smiled shakily. “Hurry, Thorin,” he invited throatily. It frightened him how genuinely he meant it.

When Thorin knelt behind him again, Kili expected quick mindless rutting which would leave him bruised and in pain. However, Thorin eased two thick oiled fingers into Kili slowly, stretching him. Kili blinked rapidly, the sensation of having something inside him almost a relief after so much teasing. He couldn’t help but clutched them tightly, unwilling to let them go. It wasn’t until Thorin caressed his flank that he released a shuddery breath and relaxed. The digits moved carefully, spreading once in a while and stroking Kili’s prostate every so often. No matter how hard Kili tried to detach himself from his body, he couldn’t help how his cock jerked and dripped onto the sheets, how he pushed back onto the fingers filling him, how he moaned and arched his back in plea for more. He often feigned enthusiasm, but the need was true this time. Kili looked back with glassy eyes and met Thorin’s gaze. Lust darkened those eyes and made Thorin breathe harder. His lips were slightly opened in awe when Kili moaned loudly as his prostate was teased again.

“I’m ready,” Kili whimpered, barely able to stop himself from saying ‘please’.

The thick fingers left Kili slowly and soon he heard Thorin’s ragged breath behind him. Kili closed his eyes when Thorin draped his bigger body over his back. Thorin felt overwhelmingly large even though their sizes weren’t that different, but any fear Kili felt was soothed by caressing hands, irrationally convincing him that he was safe. Kili breathed slowly, anchoring himself to the sound of Thorin’s airy moans by his ear. The tip of Thorin’s cock nudged Kili’s loose entrance and then slowly pushed in.

Though not the biggest Kili had ever had, Thorin was still quite thick. Kili panted, his arms shaking in effort to keep him up, as he was stretched further than he was accustomed to by the girth. Despite the preparation, there was still a sting of shock. Instinct nearly made Kili pull away but Thorin held him tightly as he pushed into Kili with agonizing slowness, reducing Kili into biting his lip to muffle his plaintive whimpers. He spread his legs wider to ease the entry, earning a wet kiss upon his damp neck. Thorin pulled back a little and pushed in that final inch in one gentle stroke. Kili gasped when Thorin’s hips were finally pressed against his bottom and he was filled so utterly and completely. He trembled at the incessant sensation, the lust spreading like wildfire through his veins, the pleasure heating his body, while Thorin kissed his back, shoulders, and neck. He had expected his arousal to wilt during the penetration but found himself throbbing in impending release.

Thorin rocked into him carefully, probably minding his size. His face was buried in the side of Kili’s neck, his breaths cooling Kili’s sweat, his groans sensually muffled by Kili’s skin. His arms were gentle yet strong around Kili’s torso, keeping him up and stroking his damp skin as they moved together. Thorin moved slowly, withdrawing halfway and then sliding back in until he was fully encased in Kili’s tight molten core, amplifying Kili’s pleasure. He was undoubtedly capable of causing pain and the fact that he didn’t, made Kili dizzy. Kili could feel his internal muscles flutter around the girth whenever it slid in and clench greedily whenever Thorin pull away. The emptiness after the stretch, no matter how brief and how little, ached. He moaned whenever he was filled completely again and clutched around the length, wanting it deep inside him as much as possible, and the kisses Thorin rained upon his skin further enveloped him in pleasure.

They moved in synchrony to share pleasure with each other. Apart from occasional sharp thrusts, Thorin take Kili apart slowly, caressing every sensitive inch inside Kili. It shouldn’t be enough yet it overwhelmed Kili’s senses. Just the constant caress against his pleasure spot, no matter how little the friction, reduced him into a shaking and panting mess. Kili moaned and panted for breath, pushing back eagerly. Pleasure coiled deep in his stomach tighter and tighter until, surprisingly, Kili came without a single touch.

Thorin’s large hand was immediately on him, stroking him through the intense orgasm, making him whine and whimper. His arms shook badly. They would’ve failed to support him if not for Thorin’s arm around him, keeping him in place. Thorin pressed little kisses on Kili’s shoulders until the last drop of seed had been spilt on his hand. Only then did he lean away, letting Kili drop his upper body, pillowing his head with his arms, unable to support himself. He stilled and caressed Kili’s back, letting him catch his breath. It took an unusually long time for Kili to collect himself, dazed by pleasure and overwhelmed by care as he was. He wanted to hide, to take time to understand this dwarf he was supposed to entertain for weeks to come, to relearn to control himself in front of him, but the way Thorin’s cock filled him, stretching him relentlessly and reaching deep inside him was impossible to ignore. Kili still had a job to finish.

Once Kili’s panting stopped, a quick squeeze on his hips was his only warning of what was coming. Kili gasped as he was pounded into, the sudden change from gentle rhythm and his recent orgasm confused Kili with pleasure. Yet, he could sense that Thorin hadn’t unleashed all of his power, still so careful despite being clearly in need of release. Kili tightened himself, trying to entice Thorin into doing what he wanted regardless of Kili’s condition. But, Thorin merely groaned and gripped Kili’s hips tighter. His thrusts drove breaths out of Kili, but they were far from the brutality Kili had expected and knew he could deliver. Relieved to be spared from pain yet worried that he might not have performed his task well, Kili met the thrusts, faking eagerness to have Thorin deep inside him and winning a hoarse groan of his name.

When he finally came, Thorin did so with a loud satisfied moan. His grip on Kili tightened even more, likely leaving fingerprints on his skin, as he pressed his hips close to Kili, filling him to the brim. Thorin pulsed and twitched inside Kili’s gripping passage for a long minute, his seed slicking the muscles. He leaned down and nosed the back of Kili’s neck, groaning softly as his hips undulated instinctively. Panting slightly, Kili waited for Thorin to finish and withdraw from him but Thorin took his time, even mouthing Kili’s shoulder when he had stopped moving, as if reluctant to pull away. When he eventually did, Kili winced at the sudden and painful emptiness, his hole trying to clench over the girth that had just stretched it perfectly. But this uncomfortable emptiness was a relief, as it meant that Kili’s duty was over, at least for now.

Just as Kili tried to rise to redress and leave, Thorin pulled him back down to bed. Kili blinked in confusion when he was made to lie beside Thorin and rest his head on Thorin’s shoulder. Thorin didn’t seem to notice this reaction, acting as if this was completely normal, and put an arm over Kili’s shoulders to keep him close, his thumb drawing slow affectionate circles on Kili’s damp skin. Kili looked at him in uncertainty. People never lingered or expected him to, unless they wanted a second session. However, Thorin fell asleep a few minutes later with his arms around Kili without attempting anything.

As he watched Thorin sleep, Kili’s imagination ran away from him. He wondered if this was how it felt to sleep in the arm of a lover, someone who cared for more than what physical pleasure he could bring. But, he quickly brought himself back to reality. They’re not lovers. No one loved whores. This was only a business transaction.

When he was sure that Thorin wouldn’t wake, Kili slipped out of the bed and then the room. He returned to his own room and cleaned himself. Though the task of wiping away evidence of coupling was familiar, Kili did so slowly, distracted by the thoughts of Thorin. He touched the pink marks left on his neck and chest. For once they’re not leftovers of violence but of pleasure. The memory of how Thorin had left them there brought unexpected heat deep inside him and Kili dropped his hand guiltily. He quickly changed into his sleepwear and went to bed, feeling very confused, a little disturbed, and perfectly sated. Despite the conflicting feelings, he almost immediately fell into the deepest untroubled sleep he had ever had, satisfied to the bone.

Chapter Text

People stared at Thorin whenever he visited Ered Luin. His fine clothes indicated that he wasn’t a common dwarf and possibly wealthier than any dwarf there. That alone drew a lot of attention, but that wasn’t the only surprising part of Thorin’s presence. Many were surprised when he was introduced as Vilir’s brother-in-law. For so long Kili’s family had been a part of the unwanted portion of the society that people had forgotten that once they had been a respectable family. Once, they had been able to walk among the people with their heads held high, greeting friends and neighbors who invited them for a drink. Now, the few people who didn’t look at them derisively from a distance were surprised to find them acquainted with a respectable dwarf. Vilir seemed to think that it was something to be proud of and tried to be seen with Thorin in public as much as possible, but Kili stayed away unless he had to. He had enough reminders of how badly things had become.

Admittedly, some good things did happen with Thorin’s arrival to Ered Luin. The first thing Kili noticed was that Dis started smiling again. When Kili first saw it, it gave him a pause, having almost forgotten the look of happiness upon her face. She and Thorin were talking about a time long gone and a place a world away, something Kili could never fully understand no matter how many times Dis spoke fondly of them. But Thorin understood this and brought back the memory of a better time with few words and even his mere presence. When they were speaking in private, Dis had such a longing look on her face and Thorin, too, seemed gentler. Kili tried not to disturb them when they’re together, wanting to give Dis this sliver of happiness before it was once again taken away.

Fili was still uncomfortable around Thorin, but he always listened in rapt attention when Thorin spoke of the world outside Ered Luin. As a merchant, Thorin had travelled far and wide, collecting experience that he shared with Fili. Kili recognized in Fili’s face curiosity and, after a while, wanderlust. One day he quietly admitted to Kili that he now wanted to explore the world to find a better life than what they currently had, but the weight of responsibility stopped him. Kili tried to convince him to leave, knowing that there was greater opportunity for him out there than here in Ered Luin near their corrupt father. However, no matter what he said to convince Fili, Fili refused to listen and Kili eventually gave up. Nevertheless Fili’s curiosity of the world continued to burn. Kili hoped one day he would give in to it, regardless of who he had to leave behind.

Vilir spent slightly less time gambling and no longer invited strange dwarfs into his house. Perhaps this was done to give good impression to Thorin rather than for Kili’s sake, but Kili was grateful nonetheless. In a way, he still had to sell himself, but it was different from before. No longer did strange dwarfs come to his room sporadically, his duty with Thorin was nightly. And unlike many, Thorin never hurt him either with action or words. After a while, Kili could almost forget how wrong it was to share a bed with his uncle.

Kili accompanied Thorin as often as possible, dropping light touches to remind Thorin of Kili’s willingness to entertain him. Though he knew the importance of his cooperation in his father’s plan, Kili silently lamented the lost time he could spend earning money. Indeed, Thorin could help his family, but that help would come later and some expenses couldn’t wait. Northri had lent them some gold, but Kili wasn’t sure how long it would last, especially since Vilir threw a small feast every evening to please Thorin. There was also a chance that Thorin wouldn’t help at all, as he didn’t seem to favor Vilir all that much. He kept a polite distance between him and Vilir and sometimes there’s a hint of wariness in the way he regarded his brother in-law-not a promising sign for certain. This served to make Kili more focused on winning Thorin’s sympathy, although he still couldn’t help but watch forlornly and guiltily as Fili took up more work to cover the responsibility he should be able to take.

Despite Kili’s efforts, however, Thorin was a passive recipient of Kili’s seduction. He didn’t openly show his appreciation, but he didn’t refuse Kili’s presence in his bed, either. He gave little directions and mostly allowed Kili to do whatever he wanted, excepting the moment near his peak when his touch roughened and he took Kili harshly, although he still took care not to hurt him. It was quite a change from others before who had quickly taken advantage of Kili’s willingness and it confused Kili, but he was determined to soften Thorin. Thorin was different from them, after all. He was a respectable dwarf, far less likely to fall into the vices Kili’s father’s acquaintances so often indulged themselves in. He was nicer, unbearably gentle, still kissing Kili a lot, still holding Kili very closely as they rocked as one although Kili had made it perfectly clear that he was willing to do any depraved thing Thorin asked of him and bear any force Thorin exerted on him. But perhaps that was his brand of cruelty. Kili was used to force but he had little defense against kindness. Thorin soon found ways to make him beg and cry out for more, breaking his control, making him ask for pleasure, ruining him more and more. Every night Kili laid in Thorin’s arms, trembling in the throes of passion, wondering what he had become, wondering how far more tainted he could be.

“I’ve heard,” Thorin said as they caught their breaths on his bed, his arm draped across Kili’s back. As usual, he had pulled Kili into his arms after spending himself, something Kili by now had learnt not to fight. “About your father. But I was still surprised.”

Kili flinched but quickly hid it by snuggling close to Thorin and burying his face in his shoulder. “What have you heard?” he asked, trying not to let nervousness entered his voice. It was humiliating enough that Vilir’s use of him was known in certain circles in Ered Luin. Kili didn’t know what to do if that knowledge had reached Erebor.

Thorin stroked Kili’s side. “That he has found a way to escape his debts. I didn’t expect it to be this way, however.”

“It works,” Kili tried to say nonchalantly, pulling away from Thorin a little. It was one thing to mutually acknowledge what Kili did, but another thing entirely to verbally discuss it. The words were sour in Kili’s mouth and he didn’t want to speak of the matter further. Unfortunately, Thorin, as usual, had a different plan.

“Indeed,” Thorin agreed, searching for Kili’s eyes. “Does Vilir make Fili do this as well?”

Kili shook his head. “No. You know Fili works in a smithy.”

Thorin raised an eyebrow at that answer. “And this is what you do for a living?”

Despite everything they had done together, Kili was rather insulted that Thorin thought he spent all his time luring dwarfs into his bed for his father’s sake, that he supported his destructive habit. The pride he was raised with and usually ignored, reared its head. He didn’t approve of gambling and never would. Not after what it had done to his family. “Of course not!” he argued indignantly.

Thorin quirked an eyebrow at him. “No?”

Kili pursed his lips, annoyed that Thorin thought so little of him. It was true that Kili barely did anything not related to Thorin since he arrived and that Kili never said anything about himself (because Thorin never asked!), but Kili was more than a sex object rented to pay his father’s debts! “I help our neighbors sometimes to do repairs and herd their cattle. I also hunt to help my family. Or at least I used to.” Kili stopped. He hadn’t hunted since Vilir realized how he could help him, since he realized that many dwarfs lusted after Kili and were willing to give many things for a few hours with him. He wasn’t to risk his life when he could use his body to please Vilir’s debtors. Kili looked away, thinking of the passion he had to sacrifice for his father’s debilitating addiction.

“So you can put up a fight,” Thorin commented.

Kili stiffened, realizing what he had done. He wasn’t supposed to argue. He wasn’t supposed to fight. He wasn’t to say no. He here to please, to agree with everything Thorin said, to give everything Thorin wanted. A frisson of fear ran through him when he thought that he might have displeased Thorin.

When Kili looked at him, wide-eyed with worry, however, Thorin merely tilted his head. “I thought for sure you’re as soft as an elf.”

The insult, too similar to the ones he so often heard about his looks, incensed Kili again. “Of course I can!” he said although he took care not to say it too forcefully.

But Thorin merely raised an eyebrow and covered his lips with his. After a second (Kili was still not used to Thorin’s apparent fondness for kissing), Kili returned it, pressing his body close to Thorin, this time fighting for dominance in the kiss instead of instantly surrendering. He pushed when being pulled and defiantly raked his nails on Thorin’s chest, making him hiss. He lost eventually because he had to, but when Thorin pinned him down and took him again, harder than he ever had before, Kili felt proud for making Thorin lose some of his control, until he remembered what he was doing and who was with him in bed. He wasn’t supposed to be proud. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything, except disgust at himself. He barely waited for Thorin to sleep soundly before he returned to his room to scrub his skin clean and raw, but the tenderness of his entrance was a constant reminder and Kili slept that night feeling guilty for not feeling badly.

Kili jumped when Thorin threw him a sword. He caught the weapon just before it hit his chest. He recognized the weapon and the one Thorin was holding as the training swords Dis had used many decades ago to teach him and Fili how to fight. Kili had thought Vilir had sold them in desperation despite them not being finely crafted and wondered how Thorin had managed to find them.

“Do you know how to use swords?” Thorin asked as he inspected his sword. Behind him, Dis looked worried, caught between letting Thorin do whatever he pleased to make him happy and protecting her son.

“Mother taught me a long time ago,” Kili replied hesitantly, glancing at his mother.

Thorin nodded in satisfaction and held his sword in front of him, his form perfect, poised to attack. Combined with his size, he made quite an intimidating sight. “Show me what you learnt.”

Once again, Kili looked at Dis, but she only looked on in mute horror, unlikely to help her son. Kili must admit that he wasn’t confident in his combat skill as he never had any chance or reason to use it. Thorin, on the other hand, was clearly familiar with using it, if the scars littering his body were any indication. The outcome was clear and even though they’re using dull swords, Kili was still worried. But, Thorin looked at him expectantly, clearly unwilling to drop the challenge, so Kili unsheathed the sword given to him. After all, his duty was to please Thorin.

The first contact between the swords made Kili flinch in surprise. He staggered backward under the force Thorin exerted on him. Thorin must know that Kili was unskilled but Kili saw no mercy in his eyes. Instead, he saw assessing look tinged with displeasure. The corners of his lips suddenly quirked up in a condescending smirk Kili had seen so often on others. Driven by pride, Kili managed to summon the strength he gained from manual works and pushed Thorin back.

This time, when Thorin attacked him again, Kili was ready. He gripped the handle of his sword tightly as he blocked blow after blow. Annoyance demanded him to attack instead of defend, but his lack of experience disabled him from using the few opportunities he had. He relied on instinct to prevent Thorin’s sword from injuring him but it seemed that the weapon crept closer and closer to his body with every passing second. Under Thorin’s relentless assaults, Kili moved further and further back until his back hit a tree and he gasped in surprise. Thorin used the brief moment he was stunned to charge. He held his sword against Kili’s neck as he trapped Kili there with his body.

Despite knowing that this was an expected result, Kili was upset. “That’s not fair!” he protested.

“How was that not fair?” Thorin asked without removing his sword from Kili’s neck.

“You’re clearly well-trained and I’m not, but you fought me as if we’re equal!”

Thorin narrowed his eyes. “If I had fought you as if you’re my equal, you would’ve been bleeding to death moments ago, lad,” he said, his gravely voice sending shivers down Kili’s spine.

Much to Kili’s embarrassment, his body reacted to the voice, having been used to it sighing and moaning by his ears in the past couple of weeks. He took a deep breath, ordering his body to calm down, and focused on what Thorin had just said. “Are you trying to kill me?”

That gained an amused smirk from Thorin. He finally stepped back and removed his sword from Kili’s neck. “It’s dull sword. I won’t kill you.”

“But you’ll try,” Kili groused, touching his neck where the metal had pressed against his aorta. He felt no wound there but the skin tingled with the phantom pressure and adrenaline still surged through his body.

“I do know how to stop.”

“But you didn’t do it,” Kili pointed out.

For a second Thorin looked guilty, but one second was all Kili needed. Without any preamble, he attacked Thorin, aiming for his heart. It was by sheer luck that Thorin managed to block the weapon at the last second. Kili could tell that he was surprised from the slight widening of his eyes. He grinned.

“That’s cheating.”

“If you play unfair, so will I!” Kili said before striking once again, swinging his sword quite haphazardly with the hope of making Thorin drop his weapon.

Unsurprisingly, Thorin avoided this attack. He didn’t use the chance to attack Kili, however, and merely studied at him. Slowly, a smirk grew on his face and he nodded. “Very well.”

They spent the next few hours sparring, forcing Kili to recall his past lessons. Thorin still defeated him, but the discrepancy between their skills diminished slightly, although Thorin was still far more superior to Kili. Kili felt sore, not used to this type of strenuous activity, but he relished it. He had forgotten this excitement, had forgotten the pleasure of pushing his physical limits for fighting instead of pleasuring. At the end of the spar, long after Dis had decided that they wouldn’t harm each other and gone inside the house, Thorin defeated Kili one last time. He pushed Kili to the ground, the impact causing Kili to release his sword, and held the tip of his sword right above Kili’s frantically beating heart. They stared at each other for a moment, assessing each other’s condition, before Kili broke into a breathless laughter.

Kili didn’t know why he laughed-he had lost, after all-but still his veins thrummed with excitement and satisfaction. The remnants of adrenaline urged him to reach for his weapon or try to push Thorin away despite knowing that he would accomplish little. But the mere thought of it still made him happy. The idea of struggling and even pushing Thorin back no matter how little, excited him. He didn’t care about the result, the bruises and defeat sure to come. He just wanted to fight-and he had fought! He had surprised Thorin a few times and avoided otherwise dangerous attacks often. Now his body ache and he couldn’t move without injuring himself, but he was filled with joy for the first time in too many years.

Above him, Thorin looked at him strangely, probably not expecting his reaction, but then he scoffed and put his sword away. He didn’t laugh but his eyes and smile were mirthful. Just as Kili’s laughter started to subside, Thorin bent down to place a kiss on his grinning mouth. Kili wanted to comment on how out of place it was to kiss after a fight, but he was too happy to start an argument. Kili smiled into the kiss. Despite Thorin’s larger body covering him and keeping him in place, he had never felt more free.

The bed groaned under them. Kili gasped sharply as he was pushed down to the mattress. Above him, Thorin smirked victoriously. Kili let him thought he had won and waited until he leaned down to kiss him before clamping Thorin’s hips with his thighs. With a grunt, he tried to reverse their position but he had only gotten halfway when Thorin realized what was happening and refused to budge. Instead, he gripped Kili’s thigh and held his back and pushed him against the headboard. He held Kili’s fighting arms tightly and pushed closer until their bodies were pressed together when Kili refused to still, bucking and trying to pull his hands out of Thorin’s strong grips. Under them, the wooden bed frame wobbled and creaked dangerously.

“The bed!” Kili cried out, stilling.

Thorin stopped as well. They breathed hard in unison, apprehensively waiting for the old and abused bed to collapse under them. Seconds passed and when nothing happened, Kili burst into laughter, followed by Thorin’s quiet chuckle. Thorin released Kili’s hands, though he didn’t move away. He needn’t be worried for more fight, however. Kili was too busy laughing to continue their little game.

It had started the usual way, this night. Kili had gone to Thorin’s room and undressed himself and then Thorin. They had kissed and caressed each other as Thorin liked to do. But then Thorin playfully pinned Kili’s arms to the bed with a mischievous glint in his eyes and Kili couldn’t let it pass. The next thing he knew they were wrestling, trying to gain the upper hand or bring the other into submission. Their arousal had disappeared some time during the struggle but Kili felt happier than any release could make him and, judging by Thorin’s warm chuckles, he felt the same.

“Careful now! This bed isn’t made for wrestling!” Kili chided laughingly.

Thorin grunted in reply. “Beds are generally not made for wrestling,” he said, though he pulled away from Kili all the same. He lay down and pulled Kili with him.

Kili sighed happily as he settled beside Thorin. “Are you really a merchant and not a warrior? You seem to be a well-trained fighter!”

Scoffing, Thorin replied, “I am a merchant, though I have experience in fighting.”

Kili’s curiosity was piqued. He considered the sword fighting and wrestling skills Thorin had displayed. He had never seen a warrior fight (though he had witnessed many drunken brawls), but he felt that Thorin’s skills were equal to an experienced warrior. He gazed down Thorin’s battle-scarred body. Many questions formed in his mind and one in particular he couldn’t hold back.

“Have you ever killed anyone?”

Thorin raised an eyebrow. He took a while to answer, studying Kili carefully, though what he had in mind Kili didn’t know. His heavy hand on Kili’s waist suggested that he wasn’t angry, however, so Kili wasn’t worried. He waited for Thorin’s answer and tried not to fidget in impatience. After all, his role wasn’t to demand.

“Yes,” Thorin finally said, clear and certain.

Kili blinked. He didn’t know why he was surprised. Thorin was clearly a good fighter and Kili suspected this wasn’t the first time he bedded a killer. Surely among the questionable dwarfs his father had brought to him, there were some who had committed the crime. Still, this was the first time someone confessed it to him since the others before Thorin were secretive about their endeavors. “Who?”

“Robbers,” Thorin said calmly, still looking at Kili closely. “When our family business was still growing, I worked as a guard and assistant when goods needed to be delivered to other cities. Sometimes there were fools who tried to take my goods.”

Kili nodded and looked at Thorin’s body again. He had always ignored the scars, seeing them simply as a part of Thorin, but now he wondered about the stories behind them. His eyes fell to a faint scar tissue on Thorin’s chest, just over his heart. When he first noticed it, he had dismissed it as a result of childhood accident, or something equally innocuous. Now, though, he began to think the scar had darker history than innocent childhood adventure.

“Did you get this from one of those robbers?” Kili asked, caressing the scar tissue with his fingertips.

Thorin’s breath was caught for a moment before he answered. “Yes. One of them got lucky. It wasn’t a deep injury, however, and healed quickly.”

Kili hummed thoughtfully, frowning at the scar. The bandit must have been very good if he managed to injure Thorin. He wondered what other dangers Thorin had faced, whether any had come close to harming him the way this robber had. “Did you kill him?”

Thorin nodded. “I did.” He smiled when Kili grinned in satisfaction. “Does it bother you?” he asked in a softer voice.

“Why would it?” Kili asked, frowning.

For the first time since they met, Thorin seemed unsure. “I’m under the impression that you prefer… more respectable dwarfs.”

Kili blinked and then looked away, fixing his gaze on the many scars littering Thorin’s body, instead. He knew that by respectable Thorin meant born into unlimited wealth, a concept often tied to dwarfs who spent more time crouched over their chests of gold than menial works, let alone fight bandits; dwarfs who had forgotten or never knew about tiring physical works. Kili couldn’t confirm or deny it, as the truth was he had no preference, whether in economic status or physical attributes. He never had the opportunity to find what he wanted in a partner. When his father first brought someone to his bed, he had been untouched but by himself and cared only about useless activities to spend his past times. Relationship had been far from his mind and afterward it had never been a possibility. He welcomed whoever Vilir brought to him regardless of appearance or occupation. If there’s anything that he wanted from a dwarf, it would be less cruelty, but his thoughts didn’t matter. It was only about what was more helpful for Vilir and what helped Vilir the most was wealth, which usually either came with dwarfs carrying enough scar tissues who physically bent Kili to their wills or those whose hands were soft due to lack of labor but whose tongues and touches hurt more than any force could harm him. Kili hid a bitter smile. It was true that he had had many wealthy dwarfs in his bed, but he couldn’t think of a single one worthy of respect.

A gentle stroke down his side pulled Kili out of his dark thoughts. He looked at Thorin’s gentle expression. He was battle scarred and still possessed the skill and strength to kill on top of willingly bedding his own nephew, yet he had more honor than all the dwarfs Kili had been with combined. It wasn’t because of his wealth-which, true, was unparalleled in Ered Luin-but the way he treated Kili so kindly despite being capable of hurting him, despite Kili’s willingness to bear pain if it so pleased him. He had power over Kili and his family, but he didn’t abuse it. Kili didn’t know honor-he had lost his and forgotten how to recognize it in the midst of others’ eagerness to further defile him. But the carefulness of Thorin’s hands, the gentleness of his touch, the soft glow of his eyes, the happiness and hope he brought to Kili’s life, reminded him of it again. This dwarf who was marred by many battles and perhaps numerous hardships yet still maintained his compassion deserved the greatest honor anyone could give.

“You are a most honorable dwarf.” Kili laughed when Thorin looked at him in surprise. “A few battle scars don’t make anyone any less of a person. Now, did you find any danger on your way here?” he asked eagerly.

“No. The road is quite safe nowadays. There are guard posts along the way and orcs and goblins had been driven away, so I had little trouble reaching Ered Luin.”

“Was it more dangerous before?” Kili asked curiously.

“Yes. Littered with criminals and goblins. Few dared to pass it. It wasn’t advisable to go here. That’s why I’ve never come before.” Thorin paused, seeming to think something. He sobered up quickly, however, and smirked and nudged Kili lightly. “Why? Are you disappointed that I arrived safely?”

Kili shook his head vehemently. “Of course not! I’m only wondering about the road. I’ve never seen it-I’ve never left Ered Luin. Mother and father obviously have been to many places, but Ered Luin is all Fili and I know.”

Thorin’s smirk melted into a smile and he pulled Kili closer. “One day you’ll see the world outside of this place,” he said, his voice soft.

Kili scoffed lightly. As long as he was still useful for his family, he wouldn’t be able to leave. And when he was unable to help his family anymore? Kili didn’t like to think of that. It wasn’t a thought to share with Thorin, however. Kili wasn’t here to share woes and he didn’t think Thorin would care to hear them. “Perhaps,” Kili said mildly. “And then I’ll be killed the second I step out of the town!” he joked.

“You won’t,” Thorin said, still smiling. “Not if you work on your skill with the sword.”

“I suppose so,” Kili said, stretching his body. He winced when his overworked muscles protested the motion. “I’m out of practice. I’m very sore just from our spar today.”

Kili raised an eyebrow when Thorin’s hand flew to his back. He couldn’t utter a word of question or protest, however, as immediately Thorin massaged knotted muscles, easing his soreness. He made himself pliant, closing his eyes and moaning softly as Thorin worked his shoulders, releasing the painful tension there. It wasn’t a proper massage, but still it helped relax the sore knots under his skin. Kili sighed and smiled, savoring the rare kindness. He settled himself more firmly on top of Thorin to allow him better access to his back without relinquishing his proximity with Thorin. Most had only seen his body as an object to bring him pleasure, but Thorin was, as in many other things, different in this regard. Kili didn’t know what exactly Thorin gained from doing this to him, but he had learned not to ask. Every dwarf had his own preferences. Perhaps this was Thorin. At any rate, Kili tried to enjoy it while he could

Kili had almost forgotten his duty when Thorin’s hardness brushed his thigh. He glanced down and smiled at the sight of Thorin’s flushed erection. Indeed, it seemed that Thorin has unusual demands in bed. Kili didn’t complain, however. His own desire hadn’t returned, but he knew that Thorin knew how to best bring him pleasure. Kili threw his leg over Thorin’s hip to straddle him and then guided Thorin to his entrance. It had been a while since he prepared himself, but he should still be loose enough to take Thorin’s girth without pain.

“I thought you said you’re sore,” Thorin asked. He stopped massaging Kili’s back and held his hip instead, neither pulling nor pushing, patient as always.

Kili smiled cheekily. “I don’t mind this kind of soreness.”

Thorin huffed but didn’t argue. He watched Kili carefully when he moaned as the thick head slipped into his still-stretched entrance. It took Kili a moment to adjust to the intrusion, trembling slightly above Thorin. His body tightened, the initial reaction of refusing the girth never disappeared even as the reminder of the pleasure of being filled began to burn within Kili. He bit his lip, willing his body to relax. For a moment it seemed impossible-his body too small to take Thorin.

Gentle touches made Kili look up, surprised, when Thorin drew light circles on his hips with his thumb. Though slight flush had spread across Thorin’s fair skin, though he absolutely could, he didn’t pull Kili down to envelop his cock. This care, so rarely found in his life, brought a smile to Kili’s lips and he started to relax. He gripped Thorin’s arm as he lowered himself and the length slowly slid into him. The penetration burnt slightly and his internal muscles quivered as they accommodate the impressive girth, but Kili sighed in satisfaction, content to be filled. Again, he waited for his body to adjust. The stretch inside him, the warmth around him, and Thorin’s hands stroking his thighs reignited his arousal and his cock twitched, interest slowly returning. Licking his lips, Kili looked at Thorin from beneath half-lidded eyes, taking in the sight of a dwarf who could bring him pain but gave him pleasure, instead. Thorin’s glazed eyes drifted to his lips and a large hand reached up to pull him down. Kili went willingly and opened his lips for his mouth to be thoroughly plundered, slowly at first, then with more passion. Kili moaned quietly and began to move, fucking himself on Thorin’s cock. As they rocked together, Kili traced the thin scar over Thorin’s heart and he kissed Thorin back the harder, glad for the gentleness, glad that Thorin was still alive.

Chapter Text

Vilir was pleased with the development of Kili and Thorin’s relationship. He never said it out loud, of course, nor did he show it in gestures. Kili saw that in his self-satisfied smile and the way he left Thorin alone with Kili more and more. Kili didn’t object. Without Vilir nearby, Thorin was more carefree, more relaxed and open to Kili, making it easier for him to get close to Thorin. And if Kili were honest, he rather enjoyed this side of Thorin.

Though Thorin was unimpressed by what Ered Luin had to offer, he was quite charmed by its countryside. Far from the bustling activities in the town, nature was more dominant. Buildings were few and far in between and they saw more cattle than dwarfs. Blue Mountain looked more impressive seen from this vantage point than from directly below it. The cloud covering its tip and the flocks of birds flying across it emphasized its great size, although according to Thorin it was smaller still than the Lonely Mountain. In Erebor, however, forest was located rather far from the settlement area and Kili had a distinct impression that Thorin disliked it. He seemed to like the forest in Ered Luin, however, stopping every now and then to observe unusual plants and animals Kili pointed out to him.

“You are quite skillful in hunting, aren’t you?” Thorin observed when Kili pointed to a near-hidden squirrel on a tree some distance away from them.

Kili shrugged, smiling, feeling proud of being complimented despite himself. “I had some skill. I guess I haven’t forgotten.”

“I wish I could say that about your sword fighting skill.”

Kili scowled at Thorin playfully and was greeted by a smirk. “I wasn’t taught that much while you’re clearly well-trained. It’s not a fair comparison! And I have gotten better!”

“You have,” Thorin agreed. “You should practice more.”

“I have little use for it,” Kili said, shaking his head. Vilir wouldn’t let the dwarf who had saved him from his debtors come to harm’s way. He had banned Kili from hunting. It was unlikely that he would let Kili go anywhere near bandits. Kili would be safe from danger, whether he liked it or not.

“I don’t have much use for it, either, but it’s best to be prepared. My cousin, Dwalin visits every so often and we always have a spar. He’s a soldier for hire and I learn my skill from him.”

“Cousin?” Kili asked, intrigued. The name sounded vaguely familiar. Perhaps Dis had mentioned this Dwalin in the past but Kili couldn’t remember him. Kili told Thorin as much and received a nod.

“We have a large extended family, although most of us live far from each other. There is Dwalin, whom I just mentioned, and his older brother, Balin. They are close friends of mine. Balin works for me, so I often meet him, but Dwalin travels extensively. There are also Oin and Gloin. Gloin is my financial advisor and Oin is a healer, or used to be a healer. He doesn’t work as much now after dropping Gloin’s newborn son.”

“He dropped a newborn baby?” Kili asked in disbelieve.

Thorin nodded, smirking. “Gimli survived, though some would say he’s a little odd because of the accident. He’s a little younger than you but has proven to be quite a promising dwarf. I plan to employ him when he’s older when, hopefully, he has learnt not to insult anything which crosses his way.”

“That trait seems familiar,” Kili said cheekily.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “If you think my temper is difficult, you should see my cousin, Dain.”

Kili laughed. “I dare not imagine!”

Thorin watched Kili intently as he laughed. Kili noticed he did that quite a lot lately, although he couldn’t understand why. He guessed it was because when he first arrived Kili had faked happiness. Fili and Dis always said he wasn’t a good liar, so it was likely that Thorin had seen through the lie now that he was better acquainted with Kili. The thought made Kili felt a little guilty but he took comfort in the fact that Thorin still treated him well. Surely if he were offended, he would made that perfectly clear and Kili wouldn’t be here, laughing jovially as if there wasn’t a single thing wrong with the world. Kili smiled to Thorin, feeling grateful for the opportunity to know this strange dwarf, no matter the circumstance.

Thorin cleared his throat and looked away. “Let’s rest over there,” he said, pointing to a meadow.

Kili obeyed and soon they sat side by side on the meadow, enjoying the scenery. Various flowers bloomed on the garden, presenting them with a colorful tapestry of nature. At this time of the day the sun wasn’t too unbearably hot yet. Kili turned his face to the sky, basking in the warmth of the sunlight. Winds came every so often to cool him and the rustling of plants around him was music to his ears. He felt no need to speak and neither did Thorin. They simply enjoyed the scenery without commentary, immortalizing the moment in their memories. Kili couldn’t remember feeling so content. Maybe he had felt this way before, when he was still free and safe from the dangers of greed a lust, but that was a long time ago and he had forgotten. This was why he preferred working in the open rather than mines. The beauty of nature, the caresses of wind, the chirping of birds, and the fragrant scent of fertile soil and fresh grass and flowers brought peace as no darkness and precious stones could ever produce. He understood the safety that dwarfs often felt within the earth, but out here there was freedom that he craved.

Of course the freedom was an illusion. He couldn’t leave his sad life behind without thought to pursue a future free from humiliation. He was bound here as tightly as those tall trees in the forest were rooted to the land. Perhaps he should feel more bitter, perhaps he should shy away from a dream so far-fetched, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Kili closed his eyes and smiled. Whatever the situation of his family, whatever he had been and would be reduced to, at the moment he was content, at the moment he was safe, at the moment he was free. He forced back thoughts of how it would come to an end. Of course nothing lasts forever. For Kili, specifically, peace never lasted, but he intended to enjoy it before it slipped away.

Lost in thoughts, Kili was startled when suddenly Thorin kissed him. His eyes flew open, revealing blue sky above. Fear turned his blood cold at the thought of being touched outside the relative privacy of his house. He tried to protest but Thorin held him vast by the back of his head, deepening the kiss until Kili was moaning breathlessly, his hands pressing against Thorin’s chest in useless attempt to keep him away. Before he knew it, he was laying on the grass with Thorin on top of him, still kissing him passionately.

“Not here,” Kili gasped when the kiss finally broke. He had done many things with the dwarfs before Thorin, but never in public, never where people could see and confirm their suspicion that he sold his body for the lowliest dwarfs. The flowers around them weren’t tall enough to hide them from view and they weren’t so far from the path they had taken that any passerby wouldn’t see what they were doing. They could get caught anytime, ruining what little good reputation Kili’s family had, what little hope for improving condition they had.

But Thorin ignored him, kissing his neck and slipping his large hands into Kili’s tunic. Kili’s fingers dug into the ground below him as lust heated his body. He bit his lip to silence a moan when Thorin teased his nipple while sucking a mark on the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. Many nights spent together had taught Thorin well how to make Kili react. Any other time, Kili would welcome his care, but this time he wanted Thorin to stop touching him. Panicking slightly, Kili tried to wriggle free when Thorin undid his trousers but Thorin’s weight on top of him kept him from moving away.

“Stop,” Kili laughed nervously, pushing at Thorin’s shoulders as he looked around the meadow for watching eyes. He knew he couldn’t push Thorin away by force, but perhaps he could convince him with words.

“There’s no one here,” Thorin growled as he tried to push Kili’s trousers down.

“Someone might walk by,” Kili argued, for once refusing to cooperate.

Surprisingly, this time, Thorin let him push him away. Kili nearly breathed a sigh of relief when Thorin scooted lower. Quickly, he pulled Kili’s trousers lower until they reached the middle of Kili’s thighs and restricted the movement of his legs. He ignored Kili’s indignant and fearful protest and Kili’s attempt to push him away only made him frown slightly as he knelt between his legs. He spared only a glance at Kili’s face, his attention was focused elsewhere. There was a hunger Kili had never seen before on his face. Thorin was far from the composed dwarf he knew, who fought not to use his full force on Kili even after Kili offered himself in his bed. This was confirmed when suddenly he bowed down to lick a stripe on Kili’s half hard prick.

“Thorin!” Kili exclaimed in surprise, sitting up. He covered his mouth and looked around him frantically, hoping he hadn’t drawn any attention with his voice. The meadow was still quiet and the road deserted, but fear of being found persisted. It was difficult to pay attention to their surroundings, however, when Thorin was licking his cock eagerly, turning Kili from half hard to fully hard in a short time with wet laps of his tongue. Kili moaned quietly as he fought the urge to push his hips into the teasing warmth of Thorin’s mouth, only scant inches away from his throbbing cock. Thorin’s tongue was agile, caressing every inch of him and tracing the veins of his cock until pre-spend beaded the tip of Kili’s cock. Then, he licked that away, too, with a dirty noise that made desire curl heavy in Kili’s abdomen. He began to ache for release, but he didn’t want it here in the open. “Let’s go home! We can’t do it here!” he begged, his voice strained with fear and lust.

But, Thorin didn’t reply. Instead he closed his mouth over the wet tip of Kili’s erection and sucked noisily. Kili cried out, not accustomed to the sensation, as bright white pleasure ran through his body. Early seed spilled from the slit, to be lapped away by tongue that caressed and prodded gently, as if starving for his taste. Kili keened, helpless, as he hardened further, his desire rising with every stroke of Thorin’s tongue. Encouraged by the noise, Thorin engulfed more of him in his mouth, his brilliantly warm wet mouth slowly sliding over Kili’s silky hardness until his nose brushed against Kili’s lower abdomen, his beard scratching Kili’s thighs. His mouth was warm, almost hot even, and his tongue was the most wicked and wonderful thing Kili had ever known. Weakened by the unexpected pleasure, Kili lay back down as Thorin pulled up with a noisy suck then covered Kili once again with his mouth. Kili gasped and moaned as Thorin bobbed his head on his lap, gently sucking on his aching cock. His powerful hand cradled the back of Kili’s thigh, massaging it, while his other hand gently rolled Kili’s stones as if to draw out his seed. He made no protest when Kili made aborted little thrusts into his mouth, restricted as he was by his own trousers. In fact, he hummed in pleasure, making Kili cry out as vibrations caressed his hard cock.

No one had ever done this to Kili before. They pushed him down to his knees and told him what to do, but they never showed him what it was like to be on the receiving end. And why should they? It was his job to pleasure them but they were under no obligation to bring him any pleasure and it didn’t matter to them that he found their taste repulsive and the experience uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, with Thorin’s warm cavern around him and his tongue stroking him, Kili understood why so many demanded this act from him, why they moaned and groaned almost as if they were fucking him, why they sometimes used his mouth so roughly. He gasped, unable to slow the building pleasure pooled low in his belly. His heels dug into the earth, trying to find purchase to thrust into the heavenly warmth surrounding him. His cock twitched and leaked heavily inside Thorin’s mouth. Kili had never really liked the taste of seed but Thorin seemed to not mind it, his tongue flickering on his slit every time he pulled away, making Kili whine desperately. He wondered if Thorin would mind him properly thrusting into his mouth and his mind reeled at the thought of himself holding Thorin’s head close as he snapped his hips forward over and over again to find release in the warm cavern. As if reading his mind, Thorin took him deeply until his nose pushed against Kili’s abdomen and Kili’s cock pushed into his tight throat. It lasted only a moment but Kili cried out loudly all the same. His body began to tremble as he helplessly took the intense pleasure Thorin gave him. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

Tentatively, Kili ran a hand through Thorin’s dark hair, combing it as he chased his pleasure in Thorin’s perfect mouth. Thorin’s eyes flicked up then and for a moment Kili thought he’d ask him to remove his hand, but Thorin resumed his movements wordlessly. It was clearly an invitation, but no matter how fuddled his mind was, he didn’t dare to do more than lightly pushed down the back on Thorin’s head so that Kili’s cock slid into him just slightly deeper. Again, Thorin hummed, but didn’t protest and Kili wondered how many lucky lovers he had gently practiced with to be accustomed to it when Kili had needed to be broken many times to learn his lesson. Throwing back his head and biting back envy, Kili rocked into Thorin’s welcoming mouth, gasping quietly whenever the sensitive tip of his cock brushed against Thorin’s fluttering throat.

Kili bit his lip when a finger teases his perineum. It pressed against the patch of skin for a moment, making him whimper desperately, before moving lower to press against Kili’s tight entrance. Kili squirmed with anticipation as the single digit teased him, caressing and pressing against his fluttering ring of muscle. He tried to wait, but with every noisy slurp of Thorin made as he sucked him, his control was fraying. Impatiently, Kili pushed back against the finger, wordlessly asking Thorin to end his misery. That seemed to be what Thorin was waiting for. Dry, the thick finger just barely slipped inside before meeting natural resistance, but combined with a clever flicker of Thorin’s tongue Kili came with a shout which he quickly stopped by clasping his hand over his mouth. But there was no helping the desperate buck of his hips and the way he pushed Thorin’s head down while he spurted thick seed to coat Thorin’s mouth. He gasped and whimpered as Thorin sucked him enthusiastically, swallowing every drop from him until he was completely dry. His hands fell to the soft ground while he breathed heavily, not yet able to protest the attention but hoping it would cease soon. Eventually, Thorin pulled away and gave him a final lick that made him shudder. Panting harshly, Kili let Thorin kissed the side of his face and his neck, his steady breath caressing Kili’s heated skin.

Still trying to catch his breath, Kili checked his surroundings to ensure their privacy and sighed in relief when he found that they were still alone. The open setting still made him nervous, but he understood now that Thorin didn’t want to be refused. Swallowing the rising tide of fear, Kili turned his attention to the hardness pressing insistently against his thigh. “Let me…” Kili said, reaching down to Thorin’s confined cock. But when he struggled to undo Thorin’s trouser, Thorin gripped his wrist.

“It’s not necessary.” Thorin shook his head.

“But you have done that for me!” Kili protested. “I must…”

“I only did I wanted to do. There’s no need for reciprocation,” Thorin said with a finality in his voice, silencing Kili’s further protest.

Thorin merely pulled Kili close and waited for him to catch his breath. The proximity of his strong body calmed Kili, although not as easily as usual after the recent display of insistent lust. With the combination of the fragrant scent of flower, the gentle wind, warm sun, and peaceful silence, Kili began to convince himself that he had overreacted. After all, people rarely came to this side of Ered Luin, preferring the town or the mountain. It was very unlikely that someone had seen their indiscretion. Nevertheless, Kili didn’t want to risk being seen in intimate moment with Thorin and it seemed that Thorin had a preference for being seen. Kili frankly didn’t share it, but he mustn’t let his own likings get in the way—after all, he was meant to do anything Thorin wanted. Impatiently, he waited for Thorin’s ardor to cool so they could leave. As soon as Thorin’s heart stopped battering his ribs and he had relaxed, Kili sat up and gave him his most winsome smile.

“I think it’s time to go home.”

Fortunately, this time Thorin didn’t resist. Kili breathed a small sigh of relief as they left the lovely meadow. They walked home in relative silence, lost in the fine weather and their own thoughts. Kili mulled over their recent intimacy. It seemed that he had forgotten himself, assuming that he had any say in what Thorin wanted for him just because Thorin had treated him so gently. Thorin’s pleasure was still above Kili’s comfort. Kili still had to fulfill his requests no matter what it was, no matter what consequence he feared they would bring to his family. Yet, strangely Thorin hadn’t wanted a return of favor and only insisted on pleasuring Kili. This baffled Kili greatly. Wasn’t he supposed to satisfy Thorin? Or had he satisfied Thorin by eventually succumbing to his insistent mouth? Was it possible to be satisfied by only giving someone pleasure then denying their own? Even Kili searched for release when he willingly warm Thorin’s bed. So why did Thorin refuse his attention? Every dwarf Kili had serviced had simple singular demand. Thorin was the most unusual and confusing dwarf he had known yet.

Kili stilled when he saw a familiar dwarf sitting under a tree. His blood immediately ran cold. He hadn’t been able to see Northri from the meadow as he was hidden from view, but Northri would have been able to see him and Thorin. How long had he been there? Had he seen them? The distance was too great for him to see anything clearly, but he could have easily noticed that they hadn’t merely sat down and enjoyed the weather. Northri’s face gave away nothing, but he was one of the wealthiest dwarfs in Ered Luin for a reason—he could not be trusted. Too many had fallen for his tricks and into disrepair. Many dwarfs’ lives were destroyed by his cunning, Kili’s included. From the time he had been forced to spend with Northri, he had painfully learnt that there was rarely a moment he didn’t think of how to take advantage of others. Kili’s heart pounded in his chest when Northri approached him and Thorin.

“Mr. Thorin, I presume? I have heard about you. It’s good to finally see the dwarf everyone is talking about,” Northri said with an arrogant smile. “Northri, at your service.”

His necklaces tinkled, brushing against each other, when Northri bowed, his dark green coat brushed the ground. The soft pale fur lining the coat ruffled in the wind and the intricate golden and silver embroidery decorating his tunic gleamed under the sun. In Ered Luin, he constantly drew admiring gazes. Even Kili was reluctantly impressed by his appearance. Yet, before Thorin Northri looked a plebeian. Though Thorin’s attire was designed more for long travel on the road, he still looked far more regal than Northri. The thick dark fur combined with his tall stature made him look formidable even without weapon, and the few jewelries he did wear emphasized his class, rather than just his wealth. Thorin looked at Northri as a lord looked at his lowly subject, with calm impassiveness. Realizing this, Northri flushed in anger. Though he gritted his teeth and smiled, his eyes clearly conveyed his rage.

Thorin bowed back to Northri, but not as deeply as he liked. By any other standard, Thorin was being polite, but Northri was used to people revering and admiring him and took offense to Thorin’s lack of reaction. However, Thorin didn’t realize this. “Thorin, at yours.”

For a moment, Kili thought Northri would unleash his anger, but he took a deep breath and smiled jovially instead. “I was quite surprised when I heard about you. Vilir never told me about his brother in-law.”

“Are you his friend?” Thorin asked without offering any explanation for the omission.

Northri shrugged. “We’re close acquaintances. I’ve known him for years.” He turned to Kili, raising his thick eyebrow at Kili meaningfully. “I know his family very well, though. Isn’t that right, Kili?”

Kili wanted to deny that. His association with Northri was forced onto him. His knowledge of him was gained from painful encounters. His memory of their time together yielded only disgust and grief. But, as much as Kili wanted to deny and reject the association, he knew that Vilir would need Northri in the future—he wasn’t foolish enough to think that his father’s absence from the gambling table was permanent. It was important to keep Northri happy in any way necessary. This wouldn’t have been a problem in the past, but now, standing next to Thorin, suddenly it was difficult to submit. It was true that Thorin knew about what he did with other dwarfs, what use Vilir and others like him made of him, but Kili didn’t want Thorin to hear him say it out loud. In front of Thorin, who had treated him as if he were precious and worth caring for, Kili wanted to pretend he was not what he was forced to be, ignore the things he had done for his father. He wanted Thorin to think that he was even remotely worthy of his attention. Regardless of what had just happened, how he had been reminded that his needs were below Thorin’s, he still wanted a smidgeon of respect from him. Still, he couldn’t refute Northri, so he forced himself to smile and nodded.

“Quiet today, aren’t you, lad?” Northri laughed. He gripped Kili’s shoulder in what seemed to others was a friendly gesture but felt menacing to Kili, who had felt pain many times under his hands.

“Just a little tired,” Kili said with a smile. Northri’s heavy hand made him feel dirty, but he knew better than to let it show.

“Perhaps you are about to be sick. It’s not a good idea to spend so much time in open meadow with no protection.”

Kili’s heart skipped a beat. Had Northri seen Thorin and Kili after all? Had Kili missed something in the throes of passion? Kili felt truly sick, imagining Ered Luin knowing him not only as a dwarf who’d spread his legs for strangers at his father’s command, but also as someone who fell into bed with his own kin for some coins. They wouldn’t care about his family’s desperate situation which necessitated this action. They would only see a whore who’d forego all social conventions for monetary gain. Kili would like to think that even if Northri knew, he had nothing to gain by telling others, but he couldn’t be sure. As he knew all too well, Northri wasn’t kind.

“It was quite windy in the meadow,” Thorin spoke up, frowning at Kili. He didn’t seem to realize the implication of Northri’s words.

In other situation, the attention would warm Kili, but in front of Northri, he was only chilled by fear and deeply ashamed. “I’m all right!” he insisted. If Northri suspected—or worse, knew—something, it wouldn’t do to act even more strangely than usual.

Thorin wasn’t convinced by this. He pursed his lips. “Perhaps we should go home soon.”

Northri conceded with a nod, removing his paw from Kili. “I should like to talk to you again. I’ve been thinking of expanding my business,” he said, puffing his chest proudly.

“Is it so?” Thorin asked indifferently.

“Yes! Ered Luin offers very little—I’m sure you’ve noticed. I think it’s time to bring my business outside of this town!”

“That seems the wise thing to do.”

Northri beamed at Thorin’s agreement. “I would like to know more about Erebor, and who knows? Perhaps we could be partners! I have a feeling we have many things in common.”

Again, Northri didn’t show anything but his usual cockiness. He didn’t even look at Kili when he spoke. But, his chosen words rattled Kili to the bone. Could it be a coincidence? It must be a coincidence. Please let it be a coincidence. Kili forced himself to show little reaction even though doubt and fear battered him in turn. He must not draw suspicion. He had to protect his family.

“Perhaps,” Thorin said dismissively, his attention focused on Kili, not seeing how Northri’s eyes glinted in anger. “Not now, however. I need to bring my nephew home.”

“Of course,” Northri said, stepping aside to let them pass. “Get well, Kili.”

Kili nodded and said his goodbye. He had to force himself to slowly follow Thorin home. He couldn’t stop wondering about what Northri had seen or suspected. His mind wouldn’t stop conjuring up the worst possibilities. Pity had made people employ Kili once in a while but no pity would be shared to a dwarf who slept with his own uncle for money. Worse still, Fili, too, might be affected by his indiscretion and Dis would be shamed for things which had for years been beyond her control. Kili’s breath hitched and his body grew cold as he thought of the possible consequences of that moment of lust. The peace he had felt earlier that day had completely gone away, leaving only fear and shame.

Kili tried to behave normally, but he knew that his family must have noticed his unusual attitude. Since he returned from the walk with Thorin, Kili had withdrawn from others, terrified of the possibility of the news about him and Thorin spreading. When Fili returned home from work, Kili was almost paralyzed by fear that the sighting had reached Ered Luin. Fili mentioned nothing and didn’t behave out of the ordinary but that offered a small reprieve only. Kili couldn’t help but becoming tense throughout the night, waiting for someone to report others treating them oddly. Dis served his favorite dishes, but he had little appetite and only ate to avoid suspicion. He felt sick with nervousness and only managed to sit with his family after dinner for a while before going to his room, claiming sleepiness after a fulfilling meal, although the weight in his stomach only made him feel ill.

Sleep evaded him when he tried to rest, so Kili started to whittle, needing to channel his restlessness somewhere. There was no particular shape to the piece of wood he used, but it gave him something other than his fears to focus on. He paused briefly when he heard his family going to their respective beds. Usually around this time, he would start preparing himself to go to Thorin’s room, but with the memory of their public tryst earlier and how it was possible that they had been seen, he couldn’t quite bring himself to go. He didn’t want to risk losing Thorin’s favor but he couldn’t entertain him tonight. Kili could only lie so much and Thorin had known him well enough to see through his acts. He couldn’t pretend to enjoy himself when his mind was filled with the possible repercussion of their indiscretion and when Thorin realized this, he would definitely demand answers that Kili was reluctant to give. No one liked being denied their desires, even for good reasons. That could potentially dismay Thorin more than one night spent alone. So, Kili stayed in his room as the time he usually came to visit Thorin came and went away.

As the night went on its quiet course, Kili’s hands began to ache from whittling. However, his mind was only slightly soothed. Restlessness remained in his body and mind, coiling him tight and demanding to be released in some way before it snapped. He sighed. With so little rest and so much stress, he wouldn’t be able to behave as normal, drawing questions he didn’t want to answer. A new day renewed the possibility of his fear realized, too. Who knew what people talked about tonight in taverns or whether Northri would spread the disgusting truth tomorrow. Kili tried to remind himself that there was a chance that Northri hadn’t seen anything, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to believe it. Grimly, he cleaned the pieces of wood from his whittling attempt, pushing them to a corner to be cleaned tomorrow. He started to start to choose a book to read but before he got into his bed, someone knocked at his door.

Kili’s first thought was that it was Fili. He must have sensed that something was wrong and it was only a matter of time before he sought Kili for explanation. However, the silence that followed the knock was uncharacteristic of Fili who would usually enter Kili’s room regardless of whether he was invited inside or not. The knocks soon came again, louder this time, but there was no indication of who was on the other side of the door, perhaps minding the time. Kili frowned. He didn’t want to see anyone right now, not even Fili, but respect toward his older relatives (even one who deserved none such as his father) forced him to open the door. He smiled as he opened the door, but when he saw that it was Thorin outside his room, the smile faltered

Of course it was Thorin. Night after night Kili had come to his room to pleasure him. His absence tonight surely drew questions, though questions were better than anger. Kili let Thorin in though his mind screamed rejection. He didn’t want to sleep with Thorin tonight, not when thoughts of what might come tomorrow still troubled him. But he couldn’t reject him. He had to please Thorin and if Thorin wanted him tonight then he should give himself. Kili closed his eyes, reminding himself that it wouldn’t be the first time he went to bed with someone when he wasn’t willing. He had done this many times—most of the times, in fact. He could pleasure Thorin even when he wished for reprieve.

Donning a fake smile, Kili started to undo Thorin’s robe. “Did you miss me?” he teased, avoiding Thorin’s eyes. The words tasted sour in his mouth.

Suddenly, Thorin seized his hands. Kili looked up in surprise, meeting Thorin’s sharp gaze. A frisson of fear ran through his body as he thought of Thorin’s strength and the fact that there was nowhere for him to run to. He had demonstrated today that he didn’t like being denied. He had been kind and gentle to Kili so far, but he was a only a dwarf and he had withheld the true force of his passion for weeks. It was only expected that at some point Thorin would give in to his desires. Kili wished it hadn’t been in the meadow, hadn’t been where Northri could have seen then, but there was no use in wishing. It was with great effort that Kili didn’t step back. Running never ended well. He had tried it once and only received bruises for his trouble. Knowing Thorin’s history and strength, he knew it could be worse. He mustn’t say no. He had to submit.

“Are you ill?” Thorin asked.

“Just tired,” Kili said with a small shrug.

Thorin narrowed his eyes as he assessed Kili. “Yet you’re not yet asleep,” he pointed out. Then, much to Kili’s relief, he released Kili’s hands. “You have been quiet since we came back from our walk today.”

“It was quite a walk,” Kili said, smiling mischievously, trying to divert Thorin’s attention by subtly reminding him of what had transpired in the field, though it made his stomach twist in apprehension.

“But not that tiring,” Thorin pointed out, unfazed by Kili’s attempt at seduction. “Don’t lie to me, Kili.”

“I’m not-“

“Kili,” Thorin interrupted sharply in warning, silencing Kili with fear. For a moment he seemed to be going to use force make his point, but then he took a deep breath and spoke again, his voice calmer this time, “tell me the truth.”

Kili should keep lying, but the combination of fear and exhaustion defeated him. He had known Thorin well enough to know that he wouldn’t let this slide and stubborn though Kili was, Thorin was even more bull-headed. Any delay in speaking the truth might anger him further besides. Kili lowered his eyes as he admitted to Thorin what had been bothering him. “I think Mr. Northri may have seen us.”

Thorin looked at him in incomprehension. “That dwarf we met today?” He frowned when Kili nodded ruefully. “I thought people already knew,” he said tentatively.

Kili swallowed the bitter pill of the shameful truth. “Most people know what I do, but this…” Kili hesitated, not wanting to offend Thorin. “This is different,” he finally said. It was worse and more disgusting, he didn’t say out loud.

When Thorin didn’t say anything, Kili walked away from him. He sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the floor. A part of him wanted to blame Thorin. But, he supposed Thorin had only taken what was offered to him: the rights over Kili’s body that had been given to him when he arrived weeks ago. The awful truth was that Kili had no power over this. He couldn’t have refused Thorin and he couldn’t have known whether they had been found when he was so distracted. This was completely out of his control. If anything, perhaps he should be surprised that it hadn’t happened before, that no one had asked him to service them in the open. He had been spared the shame for so long. It was merely terrible luck that it happened now with Thorin.

Thorin sat down next to him. “I don’t think he indicated having noticed anything. But what might happen if it were true?”

Kili shut his eyes tightly. “We only manage to survive because of people’s pity. If people think we’ve sunk too low, they may not want to associate with us at all. No more work for me. Fili and Mother may be affected as well. You must know by now that we barely have enough to survive. If we don’t work, it will be the end of us,” he said miserably.

Thorin was quiet for a moment. Kili didn’t dare look at him to see his reaction. “I shouldn’t have done that to you this morning,” Thorin finally said, sounding astounded by the possible ramification of his insistence and regretful of it. “I thought it was only our usual banter. I though you just… There is no excuse. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You only did what you wanted to do,” Kili said quietly.

“You said no. I should’ve stopped,” Thorin argued grimly.

Kili smiled warily. “I shouldn’t have said no in the first place. Whores don’t say no.”

At these words, Thorin gripped Kili’s shoulder, forcing him to look at him. His grip was uncomfortably tight, but Kili didn’t wince, numbed by bleak possibilities. “You are not a whore!” Thorin said insistently.

Kili scoffed before he could stop himself. “I sleep with people for favors and gold. What else am I?” he asked. It was the first time he told Thorin out loud what he did for his family and shame quickly rushed into him. He knew it was the truth, he was only a lowly whore, and he knew Thorin knew this, too. But to say it in such a plain term, to acknowledge it loudly made it seem much worse. “I am a whore. I have no say in what people want to do to me,” he said bitterly.

Thorin pursed his lips angrily. “Everyone has a right to say what they consent and do not consent to and others must listen. I should’ve listened more carefully and realized the situation.” Before Kili could argue, he went on, “if people refuse to give you work anymore, I will take responsibility. Name your loss and I will repay it. I'll provide your family’s living expenses if necessary.”

Vilir would have seized the opportunity and agreed. And indeed perhaps it was the smartest thing to do when one as wealthy as Thorin offered such aids for those as unfortunate as Kili’s family. However, to Kili this was an unfair bargain. While he had been ordered to please Thorin so that he would be more amenable when Vilir asked for monetary assistance, they hadn’t planned to ask that much. Kili’s body wasn’t worth a lifetime of assistance. “You don’t have to!” Kili exclaimed, eyes widening.

“I have to, if it’s because of my doing,” Thorin insisted. His voice and his gaze suggested that his mind was unchangeable. “I hope your worry is unfounded, but if it’s true, know that you are not without friend,” he assured Kili. He waited for an agreement from Kili and though he didn’t seem fully satisfied with the tentative nod Kili gave, he didn’t pursue the topic. “It’s late. You should go to bed.”

Kili nodded slowly. Thorin stayed beside him for a moment before standing up. He wore a deep frown on his face and seemed to be determined to not look at Kili. This unsettled Kili greatly. A sinking feeling built up in his stomach when Thorin headed toward the door, clearly intending to leave Kili alone. He couldn’t let Thorin go unsatisfied and with such a terrible expression on his face, especially after his kind offer. Kili grabbed Thorin’s arm to stop him. “Would you stay with me tonight?”

Thorin gave him a peculiar look that wasn’t entirely disapproving. “Are you sure?” he asked carefully.

“Yes,” Kili replied, voice steady as sure as he tugged Thorin to bed. He climbed onto the thin mattress and settled down when Thorin followed suit. Kili still didn’t want to sleep with Thorin tonight, but he knew that Thorin’s promise to help his family came with a price. It was a great vow, greater than what Vilir had wanted, and Kili had to make sure what Thorin received something equal in return. He didn’t dream his used body could be a fair payment, but he was determined to give what he had. Resting his head on Thorin’s broad shoulder, Kili teased the muscular chest revealed by the gap of Thorin’s shirt. His fingers caressed short dark hair there and the scar tissue over his heart and then drifted lower, making the muscles of Thorin’s abdomen jumped. Although he couldn’t see or feel it, he was sure Thorin’s arousal had started to simmer. So Kili continued his teasing, combing through dark hair lightly until he sense miniscule change in Thorin’s breathing. Then, sighing softly in resignation, he lowered his hand. He had just held the tie of Thorin’s breeches when Thorin grabbed his wrist. Kili looked at him, surprised.

Thorin shook his head. “No.”

Kili blinked. “Tired?” he teased with a grin, not removing his hand.

Again, Thorin shook his head. “Not tonight.”

Kili studied Thorin for a while and then relented. “If you say so,” he said, disappointed but relieved at the same time, putting his hand on Thorin’s abdomen, instead. He smiled slightly when he received a grunt in reply. He sighed softly, glad that he could forego sex tonight. Tomorrow for sure he would do anything Thorin asked, anything to make him happy and think that he hadn’t wasted his promise on nothing. Kili’s mood soured when he thought of what might happen tomorrow but he consoled himself with the fact that Thorin would help them if it came to that. It was that small hope that finally lulled Kili. He fell asleep listening to the steady thrum of Thorin’s heart.

When the next day came, Kili was anxious. He almost stopped Fili and his mother from leaving the house, fearing what might happen to them in the town. Only Thorin’s grip on his hand under the dining table stopped him. Kili wanted to argue—it wasn’t fair to subject them to risk of cruelty while he hid in the safety of his house—but Thorin shook his head minutely and refused to let his hand go until Fili and Dis left. Kili would’ve gone mad with guilt and worry if not for Thorin who challenged him to a spar. Claiming that he was tired of the poor sight of Ered Luin, he demanded Kili to cure his boredom. He all but dragged Kili to the backyard and shoved a sword to his hand. This was not what Kili had planned to entertain Thorin, but he couldn’t refuse it, so he reluctantly accepted the challenge.

As usual, Thorin didn’t hold back, forcing Kili to concentrate on defending himself. If Kili so much as lost his focus for one second, Thorin would take advantage of it and charge. Over and over, Kili found himself on the ground with Thorin’s sword on his neck and chest because of this. And as if the numerous defeats weren’t painful enough, Thorin always smirked down at him in mockery. His pride bruised, Kili finally started to take offensive stance. His attacks were easily blocked by Thorin but at least he didn’t lose easily anymore. If not for Thorin’s urging, he would skip lunch, determined to finally land the blow that defeated Thorin. He ate quickly, then bodily pulled Thorin back to the backyard to continue their spar. Thorin only shook his head but obliged, although not before taking a quick rest to let their meal settled on their stomachs. After that, once again he defeated Kili.

Busy as he was, he barely realized time had gone by. When Fili returned home, Kili was filled with annoyance of losing many rounds of sword fights. He barely remembered his worry earlier in the day until Fili cheerfully teased him about having fun while he was working. Fear slipped back into Kili’s mind but Fili’s happy attitude suggested that nothing had happened, that the news of Kili’s public tryst with Thorin hadn’t reached him. He breathed a sigh in relief, though he was still far from fully at peace. Later that night, he was anxiously pacing in his room when Thorin came, this time fully-clothed. As the previous night, he rejected Kili’s offer to pleasure him. He was unusually chatty, teasing Kili about his loss over and over again until Kili scowled and listed every error Thorin had made earlier in the day. They bantered until they were too sleepy to think of any comeback for the other and settled to rest next to each other. Kili felt he should make an attempt at seduction, but Thorin had fallen asleep and he couldn’t deny himself the calmness offered by Thorin’s steady heartbeats. So, he slept next to Thorin throughout the night, putting his worries away until the next day.

The next couple of days followed the same pattern. Thorin kept challenging Kili to sword fights and when it became apparent that no matter how much Kili improved, he wouldn’t be as strong as Thorin, not when poverty had stolen away his opportunity to practice and his strength. So, Kili challenged him in archery. Here, at last Kili managed to defeat him. Though his skill was rusty to start, it didn’t take him a long time to relearn the techniques. Arrows flew from his bow, hitting the targets with precision. He grinned victoriously when Thorin missed his marks and growled in frustration. Kili laughed harder when Thorin glared at him. Feeling kind (and quite smug), he offered to teach some of his techniques. Thorin accepted although he obeyed Kili’s directions with a frown. Any worry Kili might have of angering him was quickly dashed by the way Thorin gently gripped his shoulder or his nape when he was giving demonstration. Thorin might look sour, but there was warmth in his eyes and his touch. Kili wasn’t scared of him. He knew Thorin wouldn’t harm him.

Busy sparring and practicing archery, Kili barely noticed the passing days. Before he knew it, a week had gone and still no change had occurred. Fili and Vilir returned home again with only smiles on their faces. Nothing happened. No news about his public tryst with Thorin was heard. It seemed that Kili and Thorin hadn’t been seen after all. At last, Kili released a sigh of relief. There wouldn’t be any trouble for his family. They would be all right—or at least as all right as they could be. They wouldn’t be hated or shunned by the society which already wished to forget their poor existence.

Opening his eyes, Kili looked at Thorin across the dining table. He was listening to Vilir’s story about a friend (Kili tried not to think of what kind of friend it was), nodding at regular interval. Thorin’s demands for spars and archery contests weren’t without reason, Kili realized now. It wasn’t boredom that motivated his demands. He was trying to distract Kili from his troubles and kept him save from the outside world in case his worry wasn’t unfounded. His chosen method could injure Kili and it might have been easier had he simply told Kili his intention, but Kili could scarcely blamed him or felt any dismay toward him. It fit perfectly with the stoic impression he usually gave, which didn’t at all reflect how carefully he treated Kili behind closed doors. Kili had come to like him quite much after spending so much time with him, but at this realization his fondness grew even more. Kili ducked his head to hide a smile spreading on his face as he formulated a way to show his gratitude.

Thorin was hesitant when Kili proposed a hunting session. He frowned and argued, saying that he didn’t have proper hunting equipment with him and that even if he did, he wasn’t very fond of hunting. Kili insisted, however, and gave him Fili’s unused bow. He claimed that he wanted to show Thorin his hunting skill and, when Thorin still refused, disappointedly mentioned that he hadn’t gone hunting for a very long time and he really missed it. Kili hid his victorious grin when Thorin finally agreed with a huff. The childish manipulation made him feel a little guilty, but he was determined to take Thorin away from the dull confines of his house.

Although he hadn’t visited the forest for a long time, Kili still remembered it quite well. He took paths rarely travelled and deviated from them after a while, confident that he knew where he was going. Thorin followed right behind him, his footsteps a little too loud, but Kili could tell he tried his best to be quiet. Kili smiled as he led the way, glad to find yet another thing he could do better than Thorin. He would gloat about this later but right now he focused on recalling a location he knew from a long time ago. There was a small clearing not very far from the edge of the forest. It offered a nice view of a river but was still hidden from view by bushes and trees. Kili had often gone there in the past, the peace offering temporary escape from his problems. Today he sought the peace for an entirely different reason.

“There it is!” Kili exclaimed happily when he found the clearing. It was as he remembered, a small spot protected by the nature. The sound of running river could be heard, giving a sense of peace. Above them, leaves rustled with the wind, causing the sunlight cast upon the ground to dance. Kili investigated the place and was pleased to see no sign of other people having used it. It was still his hiding place. Still something that he could call his own when everything had been taken away.

Behind Kili, Thorin looked around them, frowning. “I thought we’re here for hunting.”

Kili smiled. He dropped his bow and quiver to the ground and waited for Thorin to do the same before replying. “We’ll hunt in a moment. There’s something else I want to do.”

At this, Thorin looked at him questioningly, but Kili didn’t bother to answer. He approached Thorin and studied the lines and curves of his face, the coarseness of his beard, the light in his steely eyes and the confused line of his lips. He was an intimidating dwarf, but the more Kili knew him, the more he believed that he could never be as safe as when he was with Thorin. Kili gave him a smile and dropped down to his knees before him. Above him, Thorin gasped in surprise, but he ignored it. Putting his hands on Thorin’s hips, Kili pressed little kisses on the crotch of Thorin’s breeches, his warm breath teasing the flesh beneath. Even through the fabric, the musky scent was intoxicating. He recalled fondly nights he spent there, slowly sucking Thorin’s cock until he couldn’t wait to be inside him. Kili’s cock began to stir in interest and he put a wet open-mouthed kiss on the bulge that began to stiffen inside the breeches. Feeling wicked and daring, he closed his mouth over the blunt head, earning instinctive bucking of narrow hips that only served to make him lap at the fabric hungrily.

“Kili,” Thorin called out, his voice unsteady. He put his hand on Kili’s shoulder, trying to push him away, but Kili could feel the tremor of lust in his body. “Someone might see us.”

Kili pulled away, looking up to Thorin. The troubled look on Thorin’s face indicated that he remembered all too well what had made Kili upset for days. He noticed now how careful Thorin had been to not pressure Kili into physical intimacy. The thought that he cared so much about what Kili wanted warmed Kili, but he had taken Thorin here precisely because of illusion that someone might see, something that Thorin seemed to like. “No one goes here,” he said. Then, he wetly kissed the steadily growing bulge in front of him. “I’ve missed this,” he said honestly.

Hearing this, Thorin moaned loudly. His hips began to strain, pushing toward the promise of heaven in Kili’s mouth. “Are you sure?” he asked, his hand clenching on Kili’s shoulder.

To reply, Kili undid Thorin’s breeches briskly. He pushed the piece of clothing down to wrap the middle of his thighs, not wanting to waste time with taking it off completely. Kili licked his lips when he saw the half-hard length in front of him. In his own breeches, his own desire came to life. Closing his eyes, he closed his mouth over the crown of Thorin’s cock. The tip of his tongue flickered on the tiny slit, gently teasing around it and prodding against it, drawing breathy groans from Thorin. When Kili pulled away, Thorin made a sound of protest, but Kili didn’t disappoint him for too long. He held the silky length and licked it broadly, covering it with saliva. Once in a while, he paused to noisily kiss prominent veins and traced them with his tongue, loving the choked sounds Thorin gave when he did that.

It was tempting to take the hard length into his mouth, to feel the familiar weight on his tongue and surround himself with Thorin’s scent. But, today Kili intended to drive him crazy, not to easily satisfy him, and the way Thorin now gently petted his hair showed that he wasn’t yet at that point. So, Kili shifted on his knees as he gently pushed Thorin’s cock up. Fingers dug lightly onto his scalp when he pulled Thorin’s heavy ball into his mouth. He sucked one gently, caressing it with his tongue until Thorin made a desperate sound, then switched to the other to give it the same treatment. With his free hand, he pushed Thorin’s thigh to make him spread his legs wider. His nose pressed against the base of Thorin’s twitching cock as he continued to tease the tight stones while his thumb found Thorin’s weeping slit to spread the copious amount of wetness around the flared tip. Kili hummed, closing his eyes contently as he brought Thorin to the brink of madness.

“Kili!” Thorin cried out, his voice trembling.

Kili pulled away slowly, reluctant to stop but wanting to see the effect he had on Thorin. He grinned when he saw the redness of the cock in his hand and the early seed dripping from the tip heavily. He craved a taste but he held back. Instead, he enjoyed the sight of Thorin’s flushed face, the lust darkening his eyes, and the way he breathed heavily as he tried to regain control. Unwilling to let his work go to waste, he leaned in to nuzzle the thick erection and lightly kiss it, teasing but never giving reprieve. He grinned when Thorin looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and lust.

“Do you want my mouth or my ass?” Kili asked mischievously.

Thorin blinked, perhaps surprised by the coarse language. “Both,” he replied.

Kili laughed. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Then, without preamble, Kili took Thorin into his mouth. It wasn’t the first time he did this, but it was still quite a struggle to accommodate the thickness, his jaw aching by the stretch. Still, the effort only heightened his own desire. His cock throbbed in its confines, demanding attention, but he focused on Thorin for the moment. Kili slid his mouth up and down the cock, sucking it lightly, while his hand pumped what he couldn’t take. He closed his eyes, surrendering himself to Thorin’s mercy, when Thorin gripped his hair. He let Thorin fucked his mouth at a slow but insistent pace. He took a deep breath whenever Thorin pulled out and sucked whenever Thorin pushed back in. The squelching noise, the moans above him, the taste of Thorin’s seed, and the stretch of his jaw inexplicably fanned his desire even more. Stealthily, Kili rubbed his own cock over his breeches. Though the touch wasn’t satisfying, he still rutted against his own hand and soon the fabric became damp. Kili moaned around the thick flesh in his mouth, making Thorin gasp sharply.

“Enough!” he choked out, hurriedly but carefully pushing Kili away from him.

Perhaps Kili should gloat, but Thorin wasn’t the only one growing desperate for release. Kili stood up and quickly took off his clothes without any shred of doubt, confident that this location wouldn’t be found. Thorin, on the other hand, seemed hesitant, only taking his heavy coat off but nothing more. Kili raised an eyebrow at the sudden timidity but didn’t comment on it. He took a vial of oil from a pocket and showed it to Thorin.

“Should I prepare myself or do you want to do it?” he asked, trying to contain his eagerness.

Thorin’s eyes glazed with desire and his skin flushed all the more as he took in Kili’s naked state. “Lay down,” he ordered, his deep voice sending shivers down Kili’s spine.

Deciding that the grass on the forest floor would provide acceptable substitute for sheets, Kili lay down immediately. He spread his legs and bent his knees, feet planted firmly on the ground, presenting himself to Thorin. He was acutely aware of his hard erection between his legs but resolved not to touch it before he was ordered or Thorin deemed it time to touch him. After all, the day was about Thorin. The anticipation heightened his desire. He had no question that at some point either Thorin would touch him or he would be told to touch himself. Thorin wasn’t so cruel as to torture him with unspent desire, or anything, in fact. Thorin wouldn’t cause him distress or pain. Kili was sure of that.

Thorin knelt between Kili’s legs. He started with caressing his inner thighs and dropping kisses down his thigh to the juncture leading toward Kili’s hard cock. As usual, he was very careful, even after the teasing Kili had subjected him to. Biting his lip, Kili forced himself to breathe steadily. The soft kisses were almost reverent, teasing Kili with maddening softness. When Thorin’s breath caressed his aching length, Kili writhed in anticipation. At first, he thought Thorin would take him into his skillful mouth but Thorin pulled away, instead. It wasn’t for nothing, though, as he pried the vial of oil away from Kili’s hand. Quickly, he covered his fingers with the thick substance before returning his attention to Kili. His finger lightly touched Kili’s furled entrance, moving in an endless circle until Kili squirmed in impatience, and then he pushed the digit in slowly, making Kili feel every millimeter of it as he was breached.

Kili gripped blades of grass tightly at the first stretch. He arched his back as the simple sensation of a finger sliding inside him washed over him continuously, burning his desire hotter and hotter. His cock throbbed and twitched between his legs and he briefly thought of how embarrassing it was to come with just half of a finger inside him. Thorin wouldn’t be angry at him, but he wanted to come later when Thorin was buried inside him, when he felt again that familiar stretch that he had gone days without. His thought was interrupted when suddenly Thorin stopped. Kili frowned at him when the digit withdrew but his objection disappeared when the stretch returned, with more certainty. This time, there was no stop, the finger breached Kili slowly but surely until he could feel knuckles pressing against him. Kili moaned as the digit began to move shallowly, twisting and curling and caressing the deepest part of him. Shamelessly, he rode Thorin’s hand, meeting every push and clenching down greedily as he had lazily rode his cock times and times again before. Recognizing this, Thorin squeezed his thigh gently and pulled his finger out only to return it again shortly with another one.

Kili writhed on soft grass as his pleasure was prolonged. His instinct told him to impale himself on Thorin’s fingers, but he reined it, wanting only to be good for Thorin, to do what he wanted only, to make him happy. Kili tossed his head from one side to another, whimpering as the fingers inside him spread carefully and stroke his clenching wall of muscles. He slowly rocked his hips and moaned loudly when he caught Thorin’s heated gaze. When the fingers withdrew only to return with a third one, Kili bit his lip. Again, the digits wreaked havoc on his body, stretching him with unbearable slowness. When Thorin grazed against his prostate, Kili threw his head back, groaning as red hot pleasure shot up his nerves. His thighs shook as he both rocked his hips to try to make him do it again and tried to keep himself as still as possible. Please, he nearly said. He close his eyes and turned his face away to keep quiet, letting Thorin do as he pleased for as long as he wanted. He bore what felt like hours of torture by those cruel fingers, whining softly. When they withdrew completely for the last time, Kili panted harshly. His cock was very hard and throbbing, minutes away from release, and Thorin wasn’t even inside him yet. He forced himself to calm down, not wanting to lose control now that he was so close to what he had waited for. Between his legs, Thorin poured oil to his hand and covered his cock with the substance.

When Thorin leaned down, one hand by Kili’s head to brace himself, Kili lazily blinked and took in the sight above him. Thorin’s face and his loud breathing showed the effort it took to control himself. The flared tip of his cock was rubbing against Kili’s prepared hole but didn’t push in. Kili smiled, tilted his hips, and threw his head back to bare his neck, submitting himself completely to Thorin. A soft groan came from above him and then the impressive girth pushed into him. The burn was familiar and exciting. Kili closed his eyes in bliss as he was slowly filled, as he was slowly made complete. When Thorin’s hips were pressed against his flank, he opened his eyes and smiled to Thorin. He was looking at Kili with such a strange look, as if he couldn’t believe that Kili let him do this to him although they had done this many times before. Chuckling breathlessly, Kili pushed Thorin’s hair behind his ear. He ran his hand over Thorin’s clothed heaving chest and firm abdomen and then lower still past his bare pelvis to the point where they were joined. Thorin let out a surprised moan when Kili traced his stretched entrance and the base of the cock encased within himself. Grinning mischievously, Kili pulled his hand away and held onto Thorin’s strong arm and waited.

Thorin pulled out with the same slowness as when he entered Kili. The drag was wonderfully intense and it was nearly too much when he pushed back inside slowly. Kili sighed and moaned as Thorin slowly rocked into him. The noises were muffled when Thorin bent down to capture his mouth in a languid kiss, stirring the heat of passion shared between them. Their bodies moved together in a steady rhythm they had come to memorize from nights spent in each other’s arms. This was how Thorin usually did it, with care and gentleness, and usually Kili didn’t protest, loving the contrast between the burn of being stretched by Thorin’s thick girth and the simmering bliss produced by the gentleness of his touches and kisses. But, today he wanted to thank Thorin. Today he wanted Thorin to do what he clearly wanted to do. Today he wanted Thorin to not hold back.

“You can do it as hard as you like,” he breathed after the kiss broke, caressing Thorin’s strong arm.

Thorin paused abruptly. He looked at Kili in something akin to alarm. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Kili insisted. “I’m not breakable. I want to feel you lose yourself in me.”

Thorin moaned at those words. Involuntarily, he ground his hips deep inside Kili, making him moan, too. “What if I hurt you?” he asked, swallowing thickly.

Kili shook his head. “You’ll never hurt me.”

Thorin gave him a look which was half desire and half exasperation and then sat up to sit on his heels. He pulled Kili so that he was sprawled on his lap and looked at him with slightly dubious look. It took more coaxing before he seemed to come to a decision. Then, he took a deep breath and gripped Kili’s hips tightly with both hands.

Nothing quite prepared Kili for the force of Thorin’s thrusts. He cried out as he was rammed into him, Thorin’s hips smacking loudly against the meat of his bottom. His internal muscles trembled in shock and uselessly tried to clutch onto the girth spreading it but Thorin barely paused to savor it. Harder and harder he pounded Kili, spreading a wildfire of lust across his body. He didn’t have to and couldn’t push back to Thorin’s thrust as he greedily pulled Kili with every breathtaking reentry into his body. Kili scrambled for purchase but found nothing but grass. He clutched it tightly as he gasped for breath, air being pushed out of his lungs with every hard thrust. Between his legs, Thorin looked almost feral, his eyes wild with desire as he growled and groaned harshly. Kili had always know his true power was immense, but he hadn’t expected this. He had been used roughly before, but no one had ever taken him this way: with claiming force that pried his tight muscles open for his impressive girth and unerring accuracy to continuously press that place inside Kili that made his erection weep. Kili threw his head back, moaning as he was taken and claimed as never before.

“Touch yourself,” Thorin ordered harshly.

With some difficulty, Kili wrapped his hand around his aching cock. He didn’t bother with teasing. Kili pumped his straining cock quickly while Thorin pounded into him. The grip on his hips tightened as Thorin watched him pleasure himself and it seemed that the sight drove him wilder. Kili vainly tried to spread his legs wider as Thorin took him with quick deep thrusts that reached his core, leaving him raw and wanting inside. It was almost painful how good it felt to be taken with such force. Kili whined as each movement dragged the length on his sensitive prostate, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. It was a hard shove into his trembling muscles accompanied by a desperate moan of his name that undid him, however. With a sharp gasp, Kili came, spurting thickly up to his chest. His hand slowed down but Thorin didn’t and he was left gasping and whimpering as his increasingly sensitive body was used almost violently. Thorin had waited so long—too long—to fully release his passion and now that he had Kili’s permission, he couldn’t stop himself from taking everything Kili had offered from the start.

Pleasure peaked and sharpened inside Kili and slowly inched toward pain. He whimpered, too weak to make Thorin stop and unwilling to let Thorin go just yet. Tiredly, he tried to clench his sore muscles, heightening Thorin’s pleasure so that he moaned and looked at Kili helplessly. His hips jerked forward harder, heavy balls Kili had worshiped earlier slapping against his cheeks. The noises between them were positively filthy but neither of them could muster shame. Just before Kili felt he couldn’t take any more of this sharp pleasure, Thorin drove hard into him one last time and came heavily inside him with a long groan. Fingers dug deeply into Kili’s hips, creating dark bruises, as Thorin rocked his hips slowly into Kili’s clenching muscles, spilling his seed to fill the aching gape inside Kili. Tiredly, Kili dropped his hand to his stomach and turned his head to the side to pant for breath. Soreness began to grow in his lower body and he knew he would have difficulty going home but there was no ill feeling which usually came with being taken this thoroughly, the feeling that he was just a hole to use to sate dirty dwarfs

“Kili?” Thorin panted out, sounding worried and yet more sated than Kili had ever seen.

Now that his hidden passion was released and abated, he was once more the kind dwarf Kili knew him to be. A deep, all-encompassing affection built up inside Kili’s chest, knowing that despite his harsh treatment just now Thorin cared for him greatly. Kili tried to answer, but he had no breath for speech yet. So, he turned to Thorin to smile dreamily to show his satisfaction. And he did feel satisfied and content, not only because of his recent release but also because he had made Thorin happy. It had been a repulsive purpose in the beginning, but now this was something to cherish, something to be glad about and even be proud about. No longer was Thorin someone he had to please merely for financial reward. He now wanted to please Thorin because of the attention and compassion he had shown him, though they’re sometimes disguised as indifference or selfishness. Kili had brought Thorin here to show his gratitude, but in a way he also did it for himself. He should feel guilty for his selfishness, but now, with Thorin so close protecting and caring for him, he could feel nothing but contentment.

Something strange fleeted across Thorin’s eyes. He stopped moving although he didn’t withdraw from Kili yet. “Oh, you are exquisite,” he breathed wondrously.

Before Kili could respond, Thorin leaned down to kiss him thoroughly, caressing every bit of his mouth to gently further lay claim on him. Exhausted, Kili let him do as he wished, parting his lips and wrapping weak arms around Thorin’s shoulders. Through half-lidded eyes, he watched leaves swayed above them. Sunlight warmed their heated bodies and the sound of the river calmed their pounding hearts. Somewhere in the forest, a bird sang. Here, surrounded by nature and Thorin, the terrible event of the week was easily forgotten. Kili had never felt more in peace.

Chapter Text

“Does he treat you well?” Fili asked one evening after dinner, when Kili impatiently waited for the house to sleep so he could go to Thorin’s room. Fili looked disturbed, angry and helpless at the situation, and Kili felt bad for him because his concerns were unwarranted.

“He’s nice,” Kili replied with a shrug as he looked away, thinking of how carefully Thorin touched him with his strong hands, how he kissed him over and over until Kili pushed at him to stop, and how he made Kili’s legs trembled so after sweet release. He cleared his throat and hoped that the flush on his skin wasn’t too obvious, knowing Fili didn’t like to thinking about what he did behind closed doors. “He doesn’t hurt me.” Well, he made Kili sore sometimes, but in a good way.

“He’d better not!” Fili snapped.

Kili scoffed, amused. Fili had always been protective of him and he appreciated it most of the time. But, this was Thorin, not one of those terrible dwarfs their father met in questionable places. After spending so many weeks living under the same roof, Fili should know how kind Thorin actually was. “He’s better than that. He’s better than the others.”

For a long time, Fili didn’t say anything. Kili busied himself whittling though he wanted to prepare himself for Thorin. A vial of oil sat at his bedside table, waiting to be used to stretch himself. Beside it were a comb and some hair oil that he had begun to use of late. His hair would be a mess again at the end of the night, but Thorin seemed to like it when Kili put efforts into his looks rather than just prepare himself for sex. It was yet another one of Thorin’s oddities. Kili regretted not having nicer clothes as he was sure Thorin would appreciate seeing him in something other than his tattered old clothing. But, he supposed his robe was enough. It would come off soon after he went into Thorin’s room, after all.

Suddenly, Fili laughed sadly, drawing Kili’s attention. “I’d be a little more comforted if he weren’t our uncle.” Fili smile thinly and squeezed Kili’s shoulder. “I’m glad he won’t stay for much longer,” he said reassuringly.

Kili’s heart lurched in his chest. Distracted by kindness, he had forgotten that Thorin was only visiting. He had a life he left behind in Erebor, a life he would have to return to at some point. Kili’s heart sank when he thought of returning to the life of servicing greedy dwarfs. He remembered now that this peace, this safety and this happiness were only temporary. Thorin would be gone, taking away the hope he had lent Kili’s family, taking away the happiness he had shown Kili, leaving them to the destitution and desolation Kili had stupidly forgotten. Fili smiled warmly to him and asked him to be patience, mistakenly thinking that Kili couldn’t wait to see Thorin gone, unaware that Kili would do anything to keep him.

Kili tried to draw it out, savoring every minute he had with Thorin, making every moment linger until the end was but inevitable, but eventually everything came to an end. Kili hid his intensifying anguish behind smiles and used every trick he had to distract Thorin from realizing his discontent. It was a surprisingly difficult feat. They had grown very close during Thorin’s stay and now he knew how to read Kili almost as well as Kili knew how to read him. Thorin was still mostly a mystery, being more careful with his emotions and expressions than Kili ever was with his, but Kili could tell that he was starting to notice Kili’s heightening apprehension as his departure came closer. So, Kili pleasured him better, so that lust and desire clouded his sharp perception, so that he never could assume Kili’s growing reluctance to let him go.

Still, it was difficult to maintain the charade when the day before Thorin left, Vilir invited him for a trip alone. Kili immediately knew from his father’s anxiety that the trip wasn’t meant for entertainment. It was a negotiation for payment Thorin should make for what Kili had done for him. Dis locked herself in her room after they left, leaving Kili alone, washing sheets stained with the evidence of his efforts to save his family. He thought of the previous night, how gently Thorin had held and kissed him after they spent themselves completely, how bright Thorin’s blue eyes were in his dim room, how warm his embrace was when he slept with Kili in his arms. Kili swallowed thickly as his hands trembled and his eyes stung. He convinced himself he was only tired from doing the chores of two. He knew that was nothing close to the truth.

The sky was a beautiful shade of red when Vilir and Thorin returned. Vilir was grinning widely when he entered his house. Behind him, Thorin followed, looking somber. Kili didn’t dare to look at him and instead only looked at his father. He knew that expression, having seen it hundreds of times before. He knew it meant financial security gained by his body. He knew it meant Vilir had won the gold he wanted, his family had gained means of survival, and he would lose yet another piece of himself, this time to his own uncle, the kindest dwarf he had ever known and the dwarf whose gentleness he shouldn’t have come to know.

“Kili!” Vilir exclaimed happily when he saw him. He squeezed his shoulder tightly as he grinned at him widely. “Tell your mother to bring out our best wine. We’ll have a feast tonight!” Then, he added quietly, but not so quiet that Thorin wouldn’t hear him. “Show Thorin our gratitude later tonight, all right?”

Shame filled Kili. There was sickness at the pit of his stomach at the indiscretion, the loud admission that Kili was no more than a whore, a coin to pay his debts or win favors. Kili’s eyes met Thorin’s unreadable ones as Vilir left them. For the first time since they knew each other, Kili couldn’t stand to be in the same room as he. He turned around to flee, Thorin’s eyes a heavy weight upon his back. In the silence as he walked away with no way to defend his reduced honor, Kili had never felt dirtier.

One last night, Kili told himself. The last night.

He whined as Thorin grunted behind him. His muscular arms were tight around Kili, their legs tangled, his heaving chest pressed against Kili’s back, his mouth hot on Kili’s neck and shoulder. Kili clutched the dirty sheet beneath him as he was rocked back and forth, his hard cock rubbing firmly against the soiled sheet. It wasn’t their first coupling that night and each time Thorin seemed keen on drawing the moment out and making Kili felt almost too much, reducing him to whimpers and whines and pleas for release. Kili’s body was sore due to exhaustion but he still presented himself readily on his front or his back or any other way Thorin desired, almost begging Thorin to take him, to not give in to sleep and end this night early. But the time slowly slipped away from his grasp. Their bodies were wearying and the dawn was coming.

This time, Thorin took him slowly, from the second he had slid into Kili’s loose and dripping hole to this moment where he enveloped Kili completely. Having spent a couple of times before, they weren’t in a desperate rush, pounding away hungrily or holding each other greedily or kissing too-wetly. This time, Thorin merely ground and rolled his hips, drawing small moans and whimpers from Kili as his slick passage was pleasured thoroughly. After taking Thorin’s cock a couple of times that night, Kili was perfectly loosened, clutching the twitching hardness just tight enough and gently contracting around it to draw out the desired seed. A few times, Thorin lost his control, snapping his hips into Kili, making him cry out as his core was pressed so suddenly, but he always managed to slow down immediately, resuming his tortuous grinding.

“Kili,” Thorin whispered, lightly nipping his neck. “Kili.”

Kili looked at him from the corners of his eyes. His chest tightened when he saw the pained frown on Thorin’s face, but he couldn’t find a word to say, not even Thorin’s name. He buried his face in his arm while he grasped Thorin’s hand trapped between his body and the bed. Thorin stilled the moment Kili tangled their fingers over his quivering middle. His cock was heavy and warm inside Kili’s contracting passage and the lack of motion made him ache, but Kili did nothing except closing his eyes, letting Thorin decide when to resume the pace. He didn’t protest when Thorin took his time, staying deep inside him without moving while his free hand stroked Kili’s side and he kissed Kili’s temple and cheek. It should be sickening – they were both covered in sweat and drying seeds and surrounded by soiled fabric and Thorin’s thick erection was throbbing inside Kili’s hole that was thoroughly coated by oil and his previous spendings – but instead it was tender and intimate. Kili almost sobbed when Thorin began undulating his hips again, hating the pleasure tightly coiled in his guts as his swollen cock steadily dripped early seed onto the sheet.

“Kili,” Thorin breathed again, shifting to spread Kili’s legs wider as if he was trying to get deeper into him.

It was a vain endeavor for they were pressed as close as they could be, buried deep inside each other as could anyone could be. Still, Thorin tried, surging into him in one graceful move that made Kili moan and arch his back as his prostate was stroked ceaselessly. His cock twitched and spurted a little pearly seed, a sign of his impending completion. Opening his eyes to look at Thorin, Kili pushed Thorin’s hand down from his middle to his throbbing cock, the first brush of fingers making him sigh. Thorin complied, pumping him slowly and thrusting shallowly into him languidly, without ever taking his eyes of him. Thorin’s knowing touch and the unerring angle of his thrusting cock unraveled Kili’s poor control.

Kili gripped Thorin’s arm tightly as he unhappily inched closer to the edge, his cock leaking quite heavily onto Thorin’s stroking hand. He began to push back against the slow careful movements of Thorin’s hips and then forward onto the pulls of his fist, reluctantly taking pleasure from the hardness inside him and the tight grip around him. He closed his eyes, whining quietly, as he desperately tried to not finish too quickly. Seeing this, Thorin leaned down to capture Kili’s lips in a slow and heated kiss, tongues exploring, tasting, and marking every warm inch they could reach. Thorin gradually moved faster, thrusting instead of merely grinding. His thick cock pulled out halfway until Kili clenched around him in longing, before sliding back inside fully. Over and over he did it until a familiar pleasurable rhythm was found again. They swallowed each other’s moans as these thrusts turned into short snaps of hips, Thorin’s pelvis meeting Kili’s bottom with fleshy smacks, Kili’s body clenching around his girth eagerly. Kili pushed back for more while their controls frayed further and further. In Thorin’s hand, his cock was dribbling heavily. The hot coil wounding in the pit of his stomach tightened and his stones rose as Thorin’s own stones slapped it with every reentry. Kili clutched Thorin’s arms tightly, moaning into his mouth as he stood over the edge.

It was this way – lips locked, limbs tangled, sweaty bodies pressed close together – that they came together, Thorin filling Kili again and Kili spilling over Thorin’s fingers. There wasn’t much left of him to give but still Thorin stroked him carefully until the last drop of seed had been spilt. Inside him, Thorin was much the same, his jerking cock didn’t spread much warmth and softened far too quickly. Kili choked back a sob as Thorin’s kiss slowed and deepened while he rocked languidly into him.

The kiss lasted long after they stopped moving, their bodies having completely spent their seeds. Neither seemed willing to end it but eventually Thorin broke it to breathe harshly and pulled out with a wet sound. Kili bit his lip when he was left empty, Thorin’s thick seed slipping out of his hole to make further mess of him. What he had always seen as disgusting and miserable reminder of what he was, was now painful for an entirely different reason. Beside him, Thorin lay on his back, panting, and then pulled Kili to join him. Kili went willingly, burying his face in Thorin’s chest to avoid looking at him. The fact that Thorin let him, merely stroking his hip quietly, only made Kili felt worse.

“Thank you,” Kili said, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat, hoping Thorin didn’t take it as more than an effect of exhaustion. “For helping my family.” He recalled Vilir’s announcement earlier that Thorin had given them a vast amount of money they would be able to pay off his debts and then some. He had been the only one who celebrated it, the rest of them looking away in shame.

“Your family is my family, too,” Thorin said, squeezing Kili’s hip gently.

Kili smiled bitterly. Sold to his own uncle to pay his father’s gambling debt and not minding it one bit. Worse still, he didn’t want it to end. Oh, how low he had sunk to. “And thank you for being so kind to me.”

Sighing quietly, Thorin tucked Kili’s wild hair behind his ear and stroked Kili’s cheek with his thumb. “I gave you some grief, though, didn’t I?”

If he had the energy, Kili would laugh. But he was tired and Thorin’s kindness wasn’t helping him gathering fake joy. He shook his head. “It’s as good as forgotten. Nothing happened, after all.” The silence that greeted him told Kili that Thorin wasn’t satisfied with his answer, so he continued. “I didn’t enjoy the worry that came afterward, but you made it easier.”

“I did nothing,” Thorin denied.

At this, Kili scoffed lightly. He didn’t know why Thorin still insisted on pretending that he didn’t care now that they had known each other intimately for weeks. He should know by now that Kili looked up to him more than he had ever looked up to anyone in his life. “I knew you’d say that. That’s why I said nothing when I took you to the forest that time.”

Under him, Thorin stiffened. “Was that why you took me hunting?” he asked, sounding upset. When Kili hummed in confirmation, he frowned deeply. “You shouldn’t have,” he said tensely.

However, Kili shook his head. “I wanted to thank you and I thought since you like taking your pleasure outdoor, I should take you to the forest where there’s less chance of us being seen,” Kili admitted.

“It’s not my preference. I couldn’t help myself,” Thorin said quietly. “Forgive me.”

The sincerity in Thorin’s voice drew Kili’s gaze. The expression on Thorin’s face was a mixture of regret and embarrassment. Couldn’t help himself. Some of the dwarfs Kili had been with in the past had said it to him. They couldn’t help themselves, not when Kili looked delicate yet strong, not when he was smiling so prettily, not when he felt so good under them, taking their cocks. It seemed that Thorin agreed with them. It was a compliment, Kili supposed, to make these dwarfs, especially a dwarf as strong and good as Thorin, lose their control. Still, he couldn’t make himself feel proud.

“I’m quite good at making people lose their inhibition,” Kili said with a deceitful grin, nuzzling Thorin’s neck.

Thorin was silent for a while, not responding to Kili. “What will happen to you after I leave?” he finally asked when Kili began to worry that he had offended him.

Kili thought of the gold and jewelries Thorin had given Vilir and how they would be used. Debts would be covered, peace would be granted, but the gift wasn’t infinite. Sooner or later, the debt would grow and again Kili would be the coin to pay it or to get an extension. Kili looked away from Thorin for a moment to compose himself. There was no happy ending for his sort of story.

“Back to my usual routine, I’d imagine,” Kili said lightly.

Thorin tightened his arm around Kili. “You can leave.” He frowned when Kili looked up, surprised. “You can get away from this. You don’t have to do this anymore,” he said, his deep voice almost imploring.

Kili was tempted to agree, the soulful way Thorin looked at him making it difficult for him to object. He thought of the world Thorin had described. He thought of a hard but honest work in a place far away from Ered Luin where no one had heard of what desperation had done to him. He thought of a simple but peaceful life among people who respected him. He thought of the seemingly-distant past where he had all of these and happiness. But those were only fantasy. He couldn’t leave as long as Vilir still gambled, as long as his entire family’s life was at stake.

“I can’t,” Kili refused, the words almost stuck in his throat. “My family needs me.”

“They will find some other way to survive,” Thorin argued.

“Ways that will put them in danger,” Kili countered, thinking of the instances Vilir considered putting Dis and Fili through the same ordeal as Kili. He couldn’t let that happen. Only one person had to suffer through the humiliation and pain.

Thorin pursed his lips. “You deserve happiness,” he insisted. “You deserve better than this.”

Kili smiled sadly. “I’m happy when my family is safe.” And when Thorin was here with him, his mind added, but Kili refrained from voicing it. They would part soon and Kili didn’t want their separation to be any more difficult than it already was. “I have to stay,” he decided, not without a heavy heart.

Displeasure was palpable in Thorin’s face, but it would yield nothing. Kili snuggled closer to Thorin to avoid further question. Absently, he caressed the scar above Thorin’s steadily-beating heart. He closed his eyes when Thorin kissed the top of his head. Today would likely be the last time Kili could enjoy his gentleness and care. He doubted Thorin would return just to take pleasure in Kili’s companionship. Erebor was far away and no matter how skilled Kili was in the art of pleasure, a cheap whore such as he wasn’t worth a risky travel. There wouldn’t be any kindness anymore from now on, only cruelty and selfishness.

Kili closed his eyes and smiled crookedly. “Everything will be all right,” he lied as pressed a kiss on the scar tissue on Thorin’s chest. Fortunately, Thorin didn’t argue, as Kili wasn’t sure he could maintain this lie. He knew as sure as the sun rises from the east, that nothing would be all right.

Thorin left without a backward glance. Kili only managed to smile until he turned his back to him, then he had to grit his teeth to prevent his feelings from surfacing. He had fulfilled his duty and that should be enough. They had now a chest full of gold coins and a small one full of jewelries, more than enough to cover Vilir’s debts. It was, by all accounts, a task well done. Yet, Kili felt hollow inside as he often did after his father’s friends left his room, though it was far more intense this time. The dwarf wasn’t just any stranger who took and took and insult. It was Thorin who gave nearly as much as he took, who showed a whore kindness instead of disgust. In the weeks he had stayed (too long and yet too short,) Kili had become used to his gentle treatments and generosity. He had learned to depend on them to shield him from the coldness of his reality. He had forgotten that it had been but a temporary arrangement and now he suffered from that fantasy.

Dwelling on pain never led to anything. Kili knew this well. So, soon after Thorin was gone, he threw himself into any work he could find. He herded his neighbors’ cattle, fixed their houses, and hunted. Vilir laughed when he came home tired in the evening, telling him that their treasure chests were full still and so there was no need for hard work. Kili smiled but ignored him. He didn’t work entirely for his family’s benefit. For the first time, he did it for himself. Not for money – he \ had little use for it – but for the ache and exhaustion that kept his mind from wandering to the east. With tasks and tiredness occupying him, he thought little of the past, he didn’t linger long before the door of the room Thorin had previously stayed in, he didn’t dream of kisses sweet and long. When busy, Kili didn’t hurt as much.

Vilir bought his sons a pony each. Fili, despite his distaste of how the money used to purchase the animal was made, was clearly grateful for it. He brushed the animal’s hair every morning, his eyes shining in joy. Now, he didn’t have to leave the house very early and could return home before it was too dark, the animal – he called it Minty – making the travel to his work on the other side of the town much faster. It could be used to carry things, too. Fili earned extra coins helping their neighbors carry their goods to the market. It wasn’t much but still he beamed for it all the same and took care of Minty carefully to show his gratitude.

Kili, on the other hand, rarely rode his pony. He rarely went far from home, not liking the looks he often received in public. He let Vilir or Fili rode the animal most of the times, content to walk to his destinations. But, sometimes when he found no work to do, he took the pony for a ride with a sword upon his side and his bow and arrows strapped to the saddle. Then, he went to the eastern perimeter of Ered Luin, to the invisible border separating his hometown from the world he had only heard but never seen. There, he would gaze at the well-worn path, thinking of adventures, thinking of dangers, thinking of Erebor. Kili’s hands were unsteady still on the hilt of his sword and he knew not the road, but with the pony he could go. Just one step after another after another and he’d be away, far from home and close to the Lonely Mountain.

But Kili couldn’t do it. Dis was too quiet still, Fili could only earn so much, and Vilir still visited the establishments which took his sensibility as well as his money. Kili was needed at home. He wasn’t even sure he was wanted in Erebor. So, Kili turned his back toward the road and head home, trying to forget his longing for freedom and affection.

The months following Thorin’s visit were probably the easiest period of Kili’s life, though not the happiest. In the past, before Vilir discovered gambling, their family had been doing well, but there had always been a little struggle to survive, though no more than what others faced. Even after Fili and Kili were old enough to find works, there had been some difficult times. They had never been wealthy but they had almost always had enough, at least until Vilir started gambling away their possessions. However, there was a marked improvement in their lives after Thorin left.

Their house was repaired. Old wood and furniture were replaced and cold wind no longer blew through small gaps in the wall. They had new better clothes and no longer looked haggard in their worn outfits. They now wore fine clothes with vibrant colors and their beads were no longer made of cheap alloys but carved steel. There was more food on the table. Simple as the menu was, they no longer had to hold back their hunger to save more for the next day, and they could go to bed with stomachs comfortably full. The darkness which had enveloped the small house seemed to be lifted. There was now light and hope, illusion that everything was all right. But Kili knew it was only a matter of time before reality returned, before they woke form this pleasant dream and faced the unfriendly world.

It was the longest Kili had gone without bedding anyone since he helped his father settled his debts. Usually only a couple of weeks went by before dwarf after dwarf came to him to demand his service. These months of freedom, of having his body to himself, were bliss. He did whatever he wanted with only little worry for injury. He came home with hair greasy and tangled, with mud caking his skin, and no one cared. He worked, he practiced with his sword, he shot arrows, he used himself to the point of aching but every day that went by with the vial of oil unused was a victory. He savored it. He knew it wouldn’t last.

People didn’t stare as much now that his life had improved, but those that did stare did so hungrily. Try as Kili might to ignore them, he sensed their eyes roaming his body, he sensed their want. He didn’t run but he stayed with the crowd. Poor as these dwarfs’ reputation and morals were, they wouldn’t dare make proposition to him in public. When there were others, Kili was safe, but he knew he was only biding his time. They were growing impatient and he knew by now that impatience yielded only pain.

It started slowly. The amount of food on the table declined. Little trinkets started to disappear from their house. Dis wore again her ugly beads. In the end, Kili’s pony was sold. Fili desperately took any job offered to him, coming home later and later in the evening. It was all for nothing. Kili put a fresh vial of oil on a table by his bed. He cleaned himself thoroughly and brushed his hair until it shone, making himself desirable. When Vilir told him that he would have a visitor, he was ready.

“You’re very tight. You haven’t done this for a while, have you?” Northri grunted while pinning him down to the bed, his heavy weight nearly crushing Kili.

“No, I…” Kili couldn’t finish his words as at that time Northri slid himself into Kili in one hard thrust. He waited only a beat before fucking Kili harshly.

It hurt. Not in the satisfying way a rough tumble in bed could be with Thorin, but in a way a body was thoroughly used solely for another’s pleasure. Kili bit his tongue, making no noise except for moans to arouse. Nails bit into his skin, leaving crescent marks. Bruises formed on the inside of his thighs and his hips. His entrance was puffy and sore and yet it was used again and again until he could feel little but pain. In the seemingly endless hours, he came only once when he was commanded to. Northri laughed at him when he did and Kili thanked him for it. When it’s finally over, he fell onto a large wet spot, short of breath and in pain, feeling bruised and used.

“You like that, don’t you? I bet you’ve been craving for cocks these past few months,” Northri said amidst heavy breathing.

Kili swallowed thickly, grateful that his long hair hid his face. “I do love your cock,” he lied.

Northri snorted. “Disgusting whore!” he spat out, smacking Kili’s sore bottom.

Kili closed his eyes as rough hands roamed his body greedily, as cruel tongue insulted his perversion, as heavy breathing scratched his tender skin. He placidly smiled when Northri said that he would lend Vilir some money and thanked him for the non-existent benevolence. Once the door closed behind the dwarf, Kili lay gingerly on his bed. He watched the steady dripping of oil from the fallen vial on the floor. Exhausted, pained, used, Kili drifted off to a nightmare.

Chapter Text

Spring usually bring a whiff of hope of renewal or a better year, but not so for Kili. His hope had died over a year ago when he was left alone after having a brief taste of compassion. Some nights he lay awake and thought of the blissful days he spent with Thorin and the gentle way he touched him at night. But he tried not to linger on the thoughts, not wanting disappointment on top of the pain he already felt. It was enough to know that for a while he had been happy, that for a while someone had cared for his well-being and pleasure, although even that short period of happiness had its price. Thorin’s gift had made Vilir greedy and his gambling became even worse than it had been in the past. Dis and Fili might have some inkling on this, but they didn’t know it as well as Kili. Dwarf after dwarf came to his room, more frequently than ever in the past. Kili used to only spend a couple of days in a week servicing some dwarfs, allowing him to find other works. However, now he barely had a day of peace. During the day, before Fili’s work finished, Vilir brought visitors for Kili. Sometimes, more than one dwarf came in successions in one day.

Other times, more than one dwarf came at once.

Kili wasn’t a fool. Though nothing was said, he knew his role had changed. He was no longer the last resort to go to when no other option was left. He was now the backbone of his family, whatever was earned from him providing his body for pleasure was used for his family’s survival. Kili took the duty without complaint, even if that often left him in worse condition than ever before, as he had less rest than usual. The few days Kili had his body to himself, he nursed bruises left by his visitors and tried to soothe his pain by practicing archery using a target Fili had made for him. He kept his pain to himself as much as he could, not wanting to worry his mother and brother.

What they knew, however, was enough to trouble them. Dis was quiet again, withdrawing to the darkness of her room. Fili learnt new skills to earn more money, promising Kili that one day they had no more debt to be worried of. Kili laughed and said he couldn’t wait, but didn’t think the day would ever come. Fili’s hard work barely produced enough to help their family survive, let alone pay Vilir’s debts. Furthermore, the debts only increased as the terrible gambling habit rooted itself deeper into Vilir by day. There was no other way. Fili would have to keep working in the forge while Kili submitted to any dwarfs who would pay for him.

However, even this horrible life was under threat. Kili didn’t realize the change at first. He tried to not think too much of the dwarfs who came for him beyond their preferences. He also rarely knew about the agreements Vilir struck with them. Some of them were only too happy to divulge the price of accessing his body while others simply took what was offered and left. To Kili, the less he knew about how badly his father had degraded him, the better. So, at first he didn’t realize the change in his visitors. He didn’t notice a trend, a similarity between them. He simply welcomed whoever came and did as he was told, trying to please them to best benefit his family. It wasn’t until Northri’s visit that Kili realized Vilir’s plan.

As usual, Northri was rough and uncaring for Kili’s comfort. He pinned Kili down onto his bed with both his weight and his hands as he slammed into him over and over again. Every gasp and whimper he pulled out of Kili made him grin cruelly. He squeezed Kili’s bottom harshly, eliciting a cry as the freshly spanked cheek was abused. He laughed when Kili squirmed, futilely trying to get away from his hand. Fortunately, before Kili was forced to beg, he removed his hand and used it to grasp Kili’s chin to make him look at him properly. His thick thumb caressed Kili’s bottom lip once before forcefully pushing into Kili’s mouth, his ring pressing against his teeth. Though in pain, Kili admitted the digit and laved at it and the gold ring with trembling tongue.

“Yes,” Northri growled in satisfaction, rolling his hips to bring unwanted pleasure to Kili. On either side of his hips, Kili’s shaking legs jerked, unwittingly wanting to draw him close. “You will be a marvelous entertainment piece for my guests. They’ll love seeing you with cocks in both holes and hands, stuffed full and covered in seed.” He leaned down to look into Kili’s widened eyes, the weights of his body and his words nearly crushing Kili’s lungs. “I can’t wait to see you crawling to your master and begging for his cock.”

Kili shook as Northri roared and came inside him. He barely reacted to Northri’s cruel parting remarks and yet another painful smack on his red bottom. He lay in his bed long after he was gone. His heart was pounding in his chest and his body seemed to be unable to stop quaking. Kili clutched his dirty sheet tightly as a choked sob rose to his throat. He was going to be sold.

Kili realized now that the dwarfs who came for him lately were wealthy dwarfs. While he received them once in a while in the past, it was never in such quick succession. Kili should’ve noticed sooner that something was wrong when the number of criminals and workers who came dwindled. Dwarfs now didn’t come because Vilir owed them money. They came to sample the goods before making a purchase.

Purchasing people was illegal, but there were ways to do it if one was crafty enough. Kili knew people who devoted their entire lives for wealthy families who provided them with just enough for survival. They were bound for life to their masters by legal contracts which took away all their rights and gave them the masters to use at will. Though some masters were kind, most took advantage of the arrangement, working their free labors to death. To these poor dwarfs, their only hope was their masters would trade them with nicer masters for stronger and healthier dwarfs. But, this rarely happened and those who entered such contract did so with the resignation of submitting their entire being to their masters for a chance of improving their families’ lives by a fraction.

However, the fate awaiting Kili was a little different. He was not to do menial works, exhausting himself in mines or fields. He would in fact likely be kept in decent condition so that he could maintain his appearance. If he made any mistake, he wouldn’t be punished too harshly, or at least in a way that would leave visible marks. Though no doubt he would be pushed to his limits, it wouldn’t be so that he would be worried for his life, at least as long as he was still deemed desirable. Kili had heard of those who worked this way, pleasure workers who served a specific dwarf. These dwarfs led better lives than those who were entered similar contract but labored outdoors. It was difficult to spot them as they were almost undistinguishable from other dwarfs—the only give away being their frequent visits to certain rich dwarfs’ houses. Some very lucky ones even managed to gain the affection of their masters and were kept in luxurious houses with their own attendants. Kili didn’t dare dream to be one of them. It would be enough for him to have his own earning to help his family. After all, it was what he had always wanted to do. All he had to do was to give up his freedom and dignity and obey his master’s every command.

Kili distantly wondered how much he was worth. He was far from good looking--appearing more like an elf than a dwarf—and difficult life had left its marks on him. It would take some effort to make him more acceptable-looking, thus decreasing his value. Although, for what he lacked in appearance, he had his experience after years of servicing his father’s creditors, so he might have a little advantage. However, there was also the matter how little bargaining power Vilir had. Everyone knew he was desperate to support his gambling habit. They would take advantage of that and propose prices as low as possible, and Vilir wouldn’t be able to refuse for very long. It was up to Kili to prove his worth, to show his potential buyers that he was worth a lot of money. He didn’t know the value of a life but he hoped to be worth several hundred gold coins at least. He would have to tell Fili to keep a portion of the money once a deal was struck—Fili would know better ways to use it than Vilir and thus kept their family from being reduced to an even worse condition than they were in.

Once in a while Kili thought of escaping, but there was nowhere for him to go to and he was of more use to his family if he stayed. Days went by and neither Dis nor Fili seemed to be aware of Vilir’s plan. Neither Kili try to inform them of it. He quietly followed the course his father set for him and allowed himself to be subjected to cruel inspection. Some of dwarfs came, turning him this way and that, counting his ribs and scars and bristling at his beardless face, deliberately leaving him aching, trying to find flaws so they could pay less. Kili bore the pain and insult quietly, not wanting to give anything away but strength and skill. The bidding had begun.

In this stressful time, oddly Northri was the gentlest to Kili. He always strode into Kili’s room confidently, knowing exactly what he wanted and what Kili was capable of. It didn’t make him any kinder, however. If anything he was the cruelest. His confidence bore ill news. His words never failed to wreck Kili worse than any painful treatment ever could. Kili always hid a shudder whenever he visited, but Northri was one of the richest dwarf in Ered Luin and he seemed to favor Kili. He must not turn him away no matter how it sickened him to submit to him. And Northri knew this.

“Good whore,” he praised as Kili rode his cock, rising and lowering his hips slowly as if he was savoring a treat.

He ran his hands over Kili’s straining thighs, his rings leaving trails of fire on his skin. He settled more firmly against the headboard and began to pluck Kili’s sore nipples, making him keen. Kili instinctively leaned back to get away from the fingers, placing his hands of Northri’s sweaty thighs behind him for balance. However, the angle drove Northri’s cock to slide against his sensitive prostate. He gasped as his cock twitched and dripped clear liquid, and it was a struggle to not rub himself against Northri’s protruding belly before him. Kili tried to correct his position, not wanting the pleasure, although he had been ordered to come on Northri’s cock. This, in effect, brought him close to the fingers twisting his nipples. Kili whimpered and squirmed, torn between pain and unwanted pleasure.

Laughing in delight at Kili’s reaction, Northri finally left the buds alone. Instead, he grabbed Kili’s hair and pulled it back harshly. “I will buy you. Your father wants an absurd price, but he will see reasons eventually and you will be mine. Doesn’t that make you happy?”

No, it wouldn’t. Kili preferred dying of exhaustion or hunger in mines and fields than pleasuring Northri and his guests. But, the choice wasn’t his. He had long since been deemed only good for bed sports and he had to think of Dis and Fili.

“If the price is right,” Kili struggled to say.

Again, Northri laughed. “Like father, like son,” he mocked. He wrapped his hand around Kili’s hardness and began pumping it. His hand moved easily, the path slicked by the pre-spend Kili’s cock kept weeping despite his best efforts to not enjoy their activity. Without meaning to, Kili thrust into the tunnel of hand in search of pleasure. “Come for your master,” Northri ordered, grinning toothily.

Kili didn’t want to, but he had to. So, he rode Northri the harder, building the pleasure inside him, using Northri’s cock to stroke his prostate. Northri’s cock speared deep inside him whenever he sunk down to sit on his lap. Kili closed his eyes to forget where he was, but Northri roughly shook him by his hair and he opened his eyes again. With his eyes on Northri’s grinning face, his throbbing cock in Northri’s cold hand, and a sob in his throat, Kili spent himself, spilling thick ropes of pearly seed onto Northri’s fat fingers. Biting his lip to keep any noise inside, he thrust into the grip around him to speed his release, but his torment didn’t end so quickly or so easily. He trembled when Northri kept stroking him even after he released the last drop of his seed, even after he was small and soft again. The gentlest touch was painful to his oversensitive cock, but he had nowhere to run to. He squirmed and in effect stimulated the thick hardness still encased in his tight channel, making Northri thrust up into him. A keen escaped his mouth when Northri caressed the damp tip of his cock as if to will him to come again.

When his soft cock was finally let go, Kili couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He opened his mouth to lick Northri’s fingers clean when they were offered to him, making Northri’s grin widen. Tired and sensitive, he could only hold onto Northri’s arms when Northri held his waist roughly to snap his hips up into him from below. The thrusts into Kili’s sensitive body was borderline painful, but there was nothing he could do but whimper quietly and let his tired body be used. When the end finally came with a loud grunt, Northri spilling his seed deep inside him with a loud groan, Kili could barely hold himself up, his body aching, his heart stinging. Still, he didn’t argue when he was made to lick Northri clean up the mess of their making. Northri was rich and he wanted him, so Kili must please him.

When he was finished, Northri redressed, ignoring Kili, who was sitting shakily on the bed. “Soon,” he promised darkly, petting Kili’s head as if he was an animal, before he left.

Kili closed his eyes. Soon.

Kili watched his father carefully. Some days Vilir returned home with a thoughtful look, other days with a happy beam. Clearly he was doing something, although he shared it with no one. Even Dis seemed to not know anything as she showed nothing more than her constant grief. Although Kili didn’t like waiting and doing nothing, he felt it was best to keep quiet and pretended he didn’t see anything. Fili wouldn’t be happy to know that both Kili and Vilir were looking to sell Kili. Though Fili’s objection likely wouldn’t be heard, Kili would still rather keep him in the dark until the very last moment, when his future was certain and Fili’s protests couldn’t change anything.

As spring came to a close and summer sun began to blaze, Vilir seemed more purposeful. He said nothing yet but Kili knew from the calculative look he gave him that he nearly came to a decision. Kili tried to keep speculations out of his mind. He didn’t want to know whether his father found any bid satisfactory at all and he wanted to know even less of who wanted to purchase him. To keep his anxiety at bay, Kili took up any chore he could find to exhaust his mind to blankness. When there was nothing left to do, he turned to archery, an exercise that required full focus on the target instead of his problems. But, there was nothing that could make him fully forget. If left unoccupied for only one second, his mind would turn to what would become of his life. Kili was never very good with waiting and this shortcoming was torturing him now. The only reprieve he could have sadly could only be his father’s decision.

Kili was on his way to the backyard to practice archery one day when someone knocked on the front door. He paused, frowning. No one ever visited them—they had no more friend left after gambling took hold of Vilir. Was it one of the dwarfs Vilir owed money to? Kili hoped not. He had asked for a couple of days to recuperate after a particularly rough visit yesterday and Vilir, no matter how absorbed by his habit, knew better than to risk Kili’s health, especially this close to closing a deal of the sale of his son. Kili could think of no one else who might be at the door, yet the knocking came again even more persistently. Dreading a visitor but not having any choice on the matter, Kili tugged his sleeves to make sure that they covered the rope burns on his wrists and went to the door.

The unknown dwarf was young and dressed for travel. He looked vaguely unkempt, his clothes in mild disarray and his red hair slightly windswept, as if he had just arrived from a journey. The pony tethered to the fence of Kili’s house behind the dwarf only carried a coup of bags. Kili surmised that this was someone who was travelling at speed, a messenger.

“Is this the house of Vilir?” the dwarf asked.

“It is,” Kili replied.

The dwarf nodded in satisfaction and reached into the inner pocket of his coat. He showed Kili folded parchment sealed with a red wax, only slightly worn from travel. “I have a message for the master of the house.”

“Who is it from?” Kili asked curiously, looking closely at the parchment. They had never received any message before. They knew very few people from outside of Ered Luin and most (if not all) of them wanted little to do with Kili’s family.

“Who’s asking?” the messenger queried, studying Kili with sharp eyes.

“I’m Kili, son of Vilir.”

The answer seemed to satisfy the messenger. He handed the message to Kili. “It’s from Thorin in Erebor.”

Kili’s heart stopped for a moment before resuming at a faster pace than previously. A flare of happiness burst in the darkness that had enveloped him of late. He accepted the message eagerly, a smile tugging at his lips. Thorin sent a message! He remembered them! He hadn’t simply abandoned them! Kili caressed the wax seal, itching to tear it off. What did Thorin have to say? Was he well? Did he plan to visit again? Did he think of Kili? Kili wanted nothing more than to read the message, to touch the words he had written if he couldn’t hear his voice in person, but the messenger was watching him closely and the message wasn’t intended for him. Kili paused his excitement and frowned thoughtfully. Why would Thorin send a message for Vilir? They hadn’t gotten along very well during his stay. Kili couldn’t imagine anything Thorin might want to say to Vilir. Perhaps Vilir had sent a message to him first? He had managed to hide his correspondence from his sons before, after all.

“Who is it?” Vilir asked as he entered the sitting room. He looked at the messenger and then the letter in Kili’s hand in confusion, indicating that he hadn’t expected any message at all. “A message? Who is it from?”

“It’s from Thorin for you,” Kili admitted, handing the message to his father reluctantly.

Vilir frowned and tore the red seal. Under Kili’s and the messenger’s watchful eyes, he read the letter quietly. He seemed confused at first, but shock quickly took over his expression. His eyes scanned the letter quickly and then looked up to the messenger. “Is this really from Thorin?” he asked disbelievingly.

“Yes. It’s from Thorin in Erebor for his sister’s husband, Vilir,” the messenger confirmed, sounding curious.

Muttering to himself, Vilir reread the letter. Kili began to fidget anxiously, wondering if something had happened to Thorin. Vilir’s face still gave little away but shock. He didn’t look particularly troubled, but then he wasn’t close to Thorin and wouldn’t be worried if anything happened to him. He looked at the letter longingly, wanting to snatch the message, the threadbare connection to Thorin, away from his father’s hands and read it for himself.

“Will you deliver my reply?” Vilir asked the messenger.

“Of course.”

“Excellent. I will write one immediately. You should stay here tonight and leave tomorrow. I should be able to collect enough provision by then.”

“Provision?” Kili wondered in confusion. Messengers were usually only given their payment and were expected to prepare for the travel themselves. They also preferred living off the land than a prepared supply because not only did heavy loads attract criminals, they also slowed the ponies, and speed was of essence for the occupation.

“Yes, provision,” Vilir confirmed distractedly, reading the letter once again. Finally, he looked up to Kili. A wide grin spread on his face, the kind that Kili had come to dread. “You will go with him to Erebor. You will serve Thorin from now on.”

Chapter Text

By the time Fili returned home that evening, Vilir had collected almost all the provisions Kili would need for the long journey to Erebor. Unsurprisingly, Fili was enraged to find this. He demanded Vilir to change his mind, tried to reason with him, and finally begged him not to send Kili away. It was all for nothing; Vilir’s mind had been made up as the payment had been made, the messenger handing him a chest of gold once he declared he agreed to Thorin’s terms. Kili was to leave home and stay with Thorin in Erebor to be his personal whore.

Four hundred gold coins a year. That was how much Kili was worth. Vilir announced it that night over dinner as he bragged about how he had managed to conduct secret correspondence with Thorin for the past few months. He reminded everyone that only few in Ered Luin could earn that much, that not even Northri, the richest dwarf in Vilir’s toxic circle of friends, earned that much. He boasted that no matter how hard Fili and Kili worked they would never gain anywhere near that amount of money. They were truly fortunate that Thorin had taken a shine on Kili, enough to make him send his destitute relatives hundreds of gold coins every year for Kili’s company.

“Keep him pleased, Kili. Don’t make him send you back. We need his gold,” Vilir commanded him.

Fili kept pleading for Kili’s case desperately, Dis sat in silent despair, and Vilir happily celebrated his future income. No one asked what Kili felt or thought. They thought they knew, but they didn’t because Kili didn’t know it himself. Excitement and anguish tangled in his heart. He wanted to see Thorin again, to feel again his gentle words and touches and the kindness behind his aloof exterior. He wanted to see the world beyond Ered Luin. He wanted to be away from the hell his life had become. But, the letter wasn’t the solution he wanted. He wanted another meeting, an escape, or at least a temporary reprieve, but instead he was bought and to be sent away to be Thorin’s whore, to spread his legs at Thorin’s command for four hundred gold coins a year, and no matter how kind Thorin was, no matter how fondly Kili thought of him, a gold cage was still a cage.

The sound of argumentation followed Kili when he delivered supper to the messenger. He wished he could spend the final night with his family in peace, but it was not to be. It was unavoidable, he supposed. After all, when was the last time there was harmony in his house? Years ago. Kili could barely remember that time, distant and surreal as they seemed to be now. Peace and love had left his house a long time ago and he doubted they would ever return.

The messenger was lying on a stack of hay in the stable when Kili found him, his mace laying by his side. He was twirling his pipe ceaselessly with surprisingly dexterous fingers, perhaps aching for a smoke but knowing better than risking fire in the small wooden stable. Minty whinnied when he saw Kili, drawing attention to his arrival. The messenger sat up in alarm, but then grinned when he saw the plate of meal and tankard of ale Kili was carrying.

“We have a spare room if you want it,” Kili said as he watched the messenger as he ate. He seemed hungry, swallowing every spoonful as if it’s the best meal he had ever had.

The messenger shook his head, taking a bite of a small roasted lamb. “This is all right. I prefer to be near my things.”

“But it must be uncomfortable here!” Kili argued, frowning.

The messenger looked up from his food, one braided red eyebrow arched. He studied Kili for a moment before returning to his meal, slowly this time. “You’re a good lad,” he stated, as if coming to a decision.

The way his body relaxed when he said that made Kili realized that he didn’t fully trust his family. Had he noticed something or had Vilir’s reputation preceded him? Could it be that Thorin had told people about Vilir’s despicable greed? Kili’s gut twisted at the thought. Surely not. Surely Thorin wouldn’t defame his own family. Surely he wouldn’t betray Kili in this way as well. Would he?

The messenger put down his empty plate. “Since we’re going to travel together, I suppose we should introduce ourselves to each other properly. Nori, at your service,” he said, bowing slightly.

Kili grinned, hiding his worry expertly. “Kili, at yours!”

“Can you fight, Kili?” Nori asked, returning Kili’s grin with a smirk which was equally mischievous and serious.

Kili nodded quickly. “I’m not very experienced with sword, but I can use the bow and arrow very well.”

Instead of mocking Kili for his unusual choice of weapon, Nori nodded in approval. “Good. That will be useful on the road.”

“Why? I thought it’s not dangerous anymore,” Kili asked curiously, remembering his past conversation with Thorin.

Nori shrugged. “No, not dangerous. But, it’s never a bad thing to be prepared.” He took a gulp of the ale and winced at the stale taste. It wasn’t the best drink, but it was the only thing they could afford after procuring supply for his travel tomorrow. “Arrows are also more useful for hunting than a mace.” He gestured broadly to his mace, a menacing looking weapon Kili thought didn’t suit a messenger. Didn’t they usually prefer something light and easy to conceal? “The supply won’t last forever and we’ll have to feed off the land sooner or later.”

“I do know how to hunt,” Kili supplied helpfully.

“Good! And if you don’t, you’ll learn soon!”

Kili grinned, feeling proud for being able to offer his help. He tried not to think that he was offering help to someone who would take him to his new life of sexual servitude. It wasn’t Nori’s fault that Thorin wanted Kili to go to Erebor. He was only a paid messenger, a worker, just as Kili would be, though in a starkly different way. “How long do you reckon it will take to arrive in Erebor?”

Nori took a slow gulp of his drink. “It took me two weeks, but I was rushing and I travelled lightly.”

“I don’t mind rushing and we can leave behind some of the supplies if you want,” Kili offered, feeling guilty for adding Nori’s burden.

However, Nori shook his head and grinned lazily. “I don’t mind taking my time, and the supplies will be useful. You’ll miss it after your first week of eating nothing but roasted rabbits and birds.” He grinned when Kili laughed. “I must admit I didn’t expect having to return to Erebor with a companion, but I think we’ll get along well.”

“You weren’t told about me?”

Again, Nori shook his head. “No. Thorin only said this is a delicate and urgent matter he couldn’t send by his ravens. I guess partly because there was gold involved since the ravens couldn’t carry it. But, no, no mention that I would return with a company. Perhaps he didn’t account for your father to be so eager to send you with me.”

Kili’s stomach twisted at the thought of Thorin, his future master. He had always treated him well. Still, the thought of being his uncle’s personal whore far from his family didn’t sit well with him, but who was he to protest. His family needed the gold Thorin could and would easily provide. Kili touched the still sensitive abraded skin on his wrists through the fabric covering it. “Is he a good employer?” he asked carefully. He knew Thorin’s behaviors in the bedroom very well, but he had only known Thorin in his capacity as a temporary entertainment while he visited his sister’s family.

Nori hummed thoughtfully. “He’s very demanding and could be difficult at times, but he’s a fair employer. So he asked you to work for him?”

“Something like that,” Kili said vaguely.

“You’ll like it. A lot of people want to work for him, as he’s an honest and respectable merchant,” Nori assured him, unaware of the true nature of Kili’s employment.

“He does seem to be an honorable dwarf,” Kili agreed.

“That, he was,” Nori confirmed with a look that could only be called proud. “Some dwarves would abuse their authority for their gains, but he isn’t one of them. He’ll keep you busy—very busy—but he’ll treat you well.”

It gave him hope, dim as it might be. No matter how degrading the life he was to take was, at least he would be treated well. That, he thought, was quite more than what he could expect from his potential buyers in Ered Luin. He tried to focus on the kindness and compassion Thorin had shown him (and Nori had reported) rather than what would be expected from him in Erebor and how he would be far from everything and everyone he knew. The perspective wasn’t so bad. Indeed, it was almost a dream to someone in his circumstances. Sitting in the stable, listening to what a good employer Thorin was to his workers, Kili almost managed to convince himself that everything would be all right.

When Kili woke up the next day, the sun had yet to rise. His stomach was in knots in nervousness, yet still he left his bed to prepare himself for the long journey ahead. Despite wanting to take his time to remember his home, for it was likely the last time he saw it, Kili knew he must rush as the sooner he was on the road the faster he would arrive in the distant mountain kingdom. After a quick wash, Kili put on the traveling clothes Fili had given him last night and went to the stable. There, his family was waiting for him. Fili immediately held him tightly when he saw him. Tears sprang to Kili’s eyes but he withheld them. He had to be strong for both his family and himself. In Erebor he would have no one but himself to turn to; he had to learn to rely on himself and soon.

“Take Minty,” Fili said when they parted, his voice hoarse. “She is used to hard work and has good temperament. She’ll take you to Erebor safely.”

Kili frowned, thinking of the extra work Fili had been able to do with the help of his pony. “But what about your work?”

Fili shook his head, smiling. “It’s not as important as your wellbeing.” His hand tightened on Kili’s shoulder as his eyes turned glassy. “Stay safe, Kili. Write to us if you can. I promise to visit you one day.”

“I look forward to it,” Kili said, his voice cracking, his smile wavering. Tears pricked his eyes, but no, he refused to let them fall. He had gone so long without breaking down before his brother and he intend to continue to do so. He swallowed to keep his voice even. “Take care of Mother.”

Fili nodded and pulled him to another embrace, even tighter than the previous one. When he released him, Kili felt unsteady, as if he had lost his footing on a trusty foundation which had always kept him from falling down. Fili had always been there for him to protect him and care for him and Kili was shaken by the suddenness of their separation. He knew it would happen as they grew older, but not this way, not because he was sent away to be with the dwarf who bought him. Kili wanted to hug him again, but feared that he wouldn’t let go if he were to do so. So, he put on a brave face and turned to his mother. Unlike Fili, Dis hesitated to reach for him, but Kili’s smile encouraged her. She approached him and held him, more tightly that Kili could remember. He held her back carefully. She was so thin now—misery and helplessness had eaten her away. She seemed almost breakable in his arms, but he hoped that she would regain some of the liveliness she used to have, now that their family was provided for. The thought of Dis’ improving wellbeing almost made the separation bearable.

“I’m sorry,” Dis sobbed quietly. “I’m very sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Kili said, stroking her back to comfort her. It really was not. Kili had volunteered to help his father with his debt. He had agreed on anything to keep his mother and brother safe, never once protesting or trying to escape the terrible fate he was plunged into. He held no ill feeling to Dis, who was as trapped as he was by love for their family. They were all only doing what they could to survive. I was just that Kili’s lot was worse than Dis and Fili’s.

In response, Dis sobbed harder. “I should’ve-I shouldn’t have…” She choked up and unable to continue.

“It’s all right. I’ll be all right,” Kili said quietly.

Dis pulled away to look at him. Her gaunt face was paler than usual, her eyes red and puffy. “I should have swallowed my pride and come to him much sooner. But, maybe it’s not yet too late, not for you.”

Kili frowned. “Mother…”

Dis cut him off. “Thorin will take care of you. He’s difficult at times, but I know my brother will take care of you. It’s better for you to be in Erebor. You’ll be safer there with him,” she said with conviction, startling Kili with firmness and strength that had been absent for years.

Safer than with Vilir, she didn’t say, but Kili understood. Indeed, he would much rather be the personal toy of one dwarf than an object passed from dwarf to dwarf. Kili nodded, smiling to calm her. “I’m sure I’ll be.”

Dis didn’t let him go immediately, caressing his face as if her were still a child. When she finally had her fill of him, she smiled shakily. “Take care, Kili, my son,” she finally whispered. Dis pulled him down to place a kiss on his forehead, a mother’s blessing.

Kili let her go with heavy heart. She was his mother still, no matter how absent she had been, and it hurt to be torn away from her. But, he had to do what had to be done. Kili carefully, avoided looking at his father. He knew Vilir was happy to see him go to ensure a steady and sizable income for their family. What little love he still had for his father prevented Kili from openly showing animosity, but it didn’t encourage him to say his farewell to Vilir. He had lost his father many years ago and he had no kind parting word to say to the dwarf who sold him for personal gains.

To Nori who had been watching their farewell quietly, Kili nodded. “Let’s go.”

It took a great effort not to look back at his family as they made their way out of Ered Luin, Kili’s hometown and the center of his life thus far. It was dark still outside and life had only started to stir in the houses. Kili took in the sight of familiar houses, farms, streets, and shops. He looked at the looming Blue Mountain set against the backdrop of dark blue sky and the quiet forest which had provided the people life. He thought of happier days, days when he still believed in a bright future, running along the streets of Ered Luin, exploring the town with friends, greeting friendly faces, and returning home to a loving family. So many terrible things had happened to him here, but he buried those experiences at the back of his mind. If he were to never return, he wished to from now on only think of Ered Luin in the fondest ways. He closed his eyes, trying to preserve those happier days in his memory.

The sky was bright and the air warmed by the sun when Kili stopped and finally looked back. In the distance, Ered Luin was starting its day, smokes rising from small houses at the foot of a tall blue mountain. The busy streets were almost completely deserted and the only noises to be heard were those of nature and the muffled voices from the houses. In a small house at the edge of the town, Dis was preparing breakfast and Fili was getting ready for work. Just yesterday, Kili was a part of it all, but now he was far away to a place he might not return from, to a life far from the family he might never see again. Homesickness tugged at his heart and stung his eyes, but he forced himself to look away. He couldn’t return. For the sake of his family he had to go to Erebor. Taking a deep calming breath, he urged Minty to follow Nori. Quietly, Kili rode into the unknown.

With Kili riding his own pony instead of riding with Nori as they previously planned, they made speedy progress. In the beginning, they passed through towns. Kili watched the people with great curiosity. Most towns in the Blue Mountain region were dwarf towns, yet despite heralding from the same culture, the people seemed different somehow. They wore their clothes differently and brought themselves differently, subtle things Kili noticed but couldn’t quite articulate. They passed these towns rather quickly as Nori was disinclined to spend much time there, not even to sleep. They usually slept under the roof of the sky, except on rainy days when they would look for shelters in caves or inside large hollow trees. Though Kili wouldn’t complain if they slept on beds once in a while, he didn’t complain and learnt to enjoy what little comfort he could get. If anything the hardship kept him from being too troubled about his impending new life. He would have plenty of time later to think about everything he had lost and left behind—years, decades, maybe even the rest of his life. The uncertainty of his future filled Kili with conflicting feelings, his desire for freedom battling with his sense of responsibility and longing to be with the kindest dwarf he had ever known. Determined not to give his troubles away before an audience, he turned his attention to the world beyond Ered Luin.

The world was enormous. Kili hadn’t quite realized it before. He had seen maps and heard stories of travelers, but he realized now he had no real sense of how big the world was. Sky, mountains, forests, rivers, and fields stretched endlessly. Every so often Kili paused, staggered by the beauty he saw. The warm blue of the sky, the lush green of leaves and grass, the fragrance of flowers, the freshness of the air, the competing singing of birds, the majesty of jagged mountains in the distance, the coolness of clear water running in rivers were far beyond what stories and songs had described. Kili felt small before it. His issues, troubling as they were when his mind slipped to addling thoughts, seemed insignificant. In a different lifetime, he would travel the world, see everything it had to offer, learn every lesson it had to give. In this lifetime, he admired it from afar and dreamed as he continued to ride to his new master.

When the Blue Mountain was finally behind them, Kili looked at it one last time before quickly turning his eyes ahead lest his longing for his family got the better of him. He turned his attention to Nori’s lessons on survival on the road. He showed Kili plants which had various uses for travellers such as them and signs of dangers to be cautious about. On the subject of hunting, Kili was already proficient, so Nori let him find food for them. Kili practiced night watch when they reached the Misty Mountains. Apparently, though goblins had been wiped out and guard posts were built in various places in the region, there were still some of those dark creatures roaming about. The first night Kili watched over their small camp, he pointed his arrow to anything that made sound and any shadow that seemed to move. By the time it was Nori’s turn, he was exhausted by fear but too agitated to sleep. Nori seemed amused, but didn’t exempt him from this duty. As a result, when they left the Misty Mountains, Kili had learned the difference between real enemies and imagined ones, a valuable knowledge for any dwarf. There was no need to be as careful after they crossed the river, although Nori warned that it was rumored that there was a shapeshifter guarding the area. He said they should be safe, however, as long as they didn’t bother the animals there.

By that time Kili and Nori had become rather good friends. Nori revealed on a lazy day by the Great River of Wilderland that he was once a criminal, a surprising revelation for Kili for Nori was better-mannered and kinder than any criminal he was unfortunately acquainted with (although it certainly explained his choice of weapon). He claimed he had changed his ways after foolishly trying to steal something from Thorin and getting caught by his guards. Certain he would be left to rot in the prison, Nori had been shocked when Thorin offered him a job instead. Somehow he believed that he could put Nori’s quick feet and thinking to good use in his business and trusted him not to swindle his fortune. It was an insensible trust, but a trust that had never before given to Nori. Others had distrusted and tried to harm him. Why and how Thorin had seen something good in him, he didn’t know, but it inspired his loyalty. It made him believe that he wasn’t such a failure, he said, and Kili couldn’t argue that it was an effect Thorin had on others for he had experienced it, too.

More often than not, Nori spoke of his brothers. The older one had a shop that Thorin often patronized, while the younger one also worked for Thorin. Even when he was complaining about them or retelling his arguments with him, his eyes sparkled with affection and glee. His affection for them was clear to see, as was his devotion. It reminded Kili of his own brother, of the growing distance between them. He wondered how Fili was doing, whether life was easier for him now that he needn’t worry so much, whether their father treated him nicely. But, Kili didn’t talk about Fili to Nori, worried about revealing unsavory truths about his family. He only mentioned vaguely about his difficult life, how challenging it was to survive with just two people working to support an entire household and a gambling habit. This information was enough to divert Nori with sympathy. He and assure Kili how life would be much better now that he was under Thorin’s employment, citing his own experience of working with him. Kili only smiled. If only Nori knew the nature of the employment Thorin gave him.

These lighthearted conversations stopped when they reached the forest. There’s something odd about Greenwood. Perhaps it’s the extraordinarily tall trees and the leaves nearly completely blocking the sunlight or it’s the distant songs of elves or the sensation of being watched by guards he couldn’t see, but something there unsettled Kili. Even Minty, who had thus far been very obedient, walked more reluctantly. She slowed down considerably and only her loyalty to Kili made her walk forward. Nori’s tension didn’t help calm Kili. Although Nori said that Greenwood had been cleansed off the dark magic which had once engulfed it, he seemed not entirely sure of their safety there. He kept his hand on his blade and forbade Kili from straying too far from the path and touching the water in the river running through the forest. Similarly nervous, Kili obeyed, only observing from afar when white stags ran in the distance or he saw light and smelt food at night. Every now and then they met passing travellers, all of them as uneasy if not more so than they were to be in Greenwood. Nori always looked somewhat regretful when they parted ways, clearly wishing for bigger company. When they finally left the forest behind them, both Nori and Kili breathed a sigh of relief.

The road from there on was safer and Nori was much more cheerful, promising better lodging than the hard ground soon. He kept his word when they arrived in Laketown, a small fishermen town where they rented two rooms in a cheap inn. Although the mattress was thin and the air smelt thickly of fish, Kili slept soundly on the first bed he had laid on in long weeks. He woke up late the next day, only rising from his bed when Nori’s knocks on the door were too loud to ignore. His breakfast was modest, but a very welcomed change from the roasts and plain soups he had eaten for so long on the road. When he went to get Minty, he found the pony well-fed and far more cheerful, welcoming him with a gentle nudge on his shoulder. It was almost a pity to leave the small town, destitute as it was, but the Lonely Mountain was looming in the distance and they must ride on.

With his new life right before him, resignation slowly took a hold of Kili. In front of Nori, he maintained a façade of cheer, but at night, when it was only him and the dark, he couldn’t help but wonder how his future would be. Thorin had been kind to him but time and distance might change his demeanors. Now, Kili was far from everyone and everything he knew with no means to protect himself, no power to refuse. Now, instead of rented for a short time, he was effectively sold. Now, there was no reason for Thorin to treat him as well as he had before. Indeed, there was no reason for Thorin to treat him as a person rather than an object to satiate his lust. Although this wasn’t an unfamiliar treatment for Kili, although he had prepared himself for the worst since he first realized his father’s plan, the possibility of Thorin’s changed treatment filled him with painful sense of betrayal.

Kili tried to encourage himself, reminding himself that Nori said Thorin was a good employer. He had seen too many dwarfs respected by the society turning into beasts behind closed doors, but Thorin had been different. Everyone said he was different. Still, as they neared the mountain kingdom of Erebor, his heart pounded nervously in his chest. Dale was a blur. The sight and the sound couldn’t garner more than a few seconds of Kili’s attention. His hands held the rein of his pony tightly. His eyes were fixed to the tall Lonely Mountain, its many balconies overseeing the land, and the dwarf guards watching over the coming and going of people. He noted their fine armors and menacing weapons and recalled their famed power. With them, tall doors made of iron and thick woods and towering walls of solid rock formed an impenetrable fortress and a storage for the vast wealth within, the wealth that had been used to buy Kili as a plaything. Kili first impression upon seeing the famed kingdom was: There was no escape from there.

“Welcome to Erebor,” Nori announced proudly as they walked through large front doors flanked by large statues of a past king.

Kili didn’t say anything. As the sunlight changed into the darkness of the mountain, Kili’s fate was sealed. This was his prison.

Chapter Text

They left their ponies in a vast stable owned by Thorin (Minty whinnied tiredly when Kili patted him one last time) and carried their belongings to the residential area. Erebor was the opposite of bright and warm Ered Luin. Deep in the mountain, natural sunlight was nowhere to be seen. Torches lighted the ways, their orange glow dancing on green marbles. There was no cooling breeze here but the marble was cool to the touch. Everywhere Kili looked, there were carving of dwarf designs and statues of warriors of the past, beautiful decorations which further proved Erebor’s role as the center of dwarf culture. Every dwarf wore embroidered silk, beautiful laces, soft leather and accessories made of gold and dotted with gems. Kili and Nori were out of place here. They hadn’t cleaned themselves properly and their clothes were dirty from days of travel. Although, at least Nori had silver beads holding his braids together. Kili only had his cheap hair clasp on the back of his head. His family was poor in Ered Luin, but the difference between the rich and the poor there wasn’t as staggering as it was here in Erebor.

After walking up many stairs and through uncountable winding corridors, they saw less and less people. Yet, it was clear from their surroundings and the increasing number of guards that this was a more affluent part of Erebor. Nori nodded to several of the guards, clearly familiar with the area. In his chest, Kili’s heart was pounding, knowing that they were nearing their destination and the start of his new life, but he said nothing to indicate his anxiety. Wordlessly, he followed Nori to a stone door at the end of a long corridor, guarded by a pair of armored guards. It looked to Kili a place fit for a king. He had no doubt that this was where Thorin lived.

“Is Mr. Thorin here?” Nori asked the guards.

One of the guards nodded. “He is.” He looked at Kili curiously, studying his haggard appearance. “Who is this?”

“He is Mr. Thorin’s nephew,” Nori explained.

The guards looked mildly dubious and Kili couldn’t blame them. Aside from his dark hair, he looked nothing like Thorin. Neither did he look like someone related to a dwarf as wealthy as Thorin. Were Kili in their place, he would also be doubtful and suspicious. Indeed, he might dismiss himself, knowing well tricks that criminals employed to take advantage from the too-trusting. But, Nori’s words were enough to assure the guards. They nodded to him and pulled the heavy door open obligingly. In a familiar manner that indicated he was used to this treatment, Nori thanked them and led Kili through the door after leaving their weapons with the guards.

The sound of stone door closing behind him barely registered to Kili. Before him was the largest sitting room he had ever seen. Statues gilded with gold and beautiful tapestries littered the place. The tall domed ceiling was carved with scene from their history. The furniture were cast from glittering metals and softened by fluffy cushions. There was a woven rug with colorful pattern on one side of the room, near a large fireplace. On another side of the room, there was a large open window. When cooling breeze came, pale curtains danced, showing a glimpse of late afternoon sky outside. The whole of Kili’s house could easily fit into this room. It was difficult to imagine there was more to this house, yet there were hallways leading deeper into the mountain. Kili looked at his surroundings in awe, unable to grasp that this wasn’t a palace but a house, albeit that of a very wealthy dwarf. How beautiful a palace must be, then! Yet, he thought nothing could compare to this, if only because this place belonged to Thorin and not a king who meant little to him.

“Nori! Back at last!” A dwarf emerged from deep inside the house, smiling widely. “Mr. Thorin was beginning to worry!” he scolded, though with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Aye, Bofur. It took a little longer than I thought. Is Thorin busy?”

Bofur nodded, making his earing sway and his twin braids bob. He wore soft brown tunic with silvery buttons and a pair of soft-looking leather boots that Kili found himself admiring. In Ered Luin, he could easily be a well-off dwarf, but here he was merely a staff. “He’s with Ori in his study,” Bofur said.

“Do you think I can interrupt? I have news for him.”

“And a guest, too, I see,” Bofur said, looking at Kili curiously.

Nori grinned. “He’s part of the news. This is Kili, Thorin’s nephew.”

“Is he, now?” Bofur wondered in interest.

Kili smiled and bowed deeply. “Kili. At your service!”

Bofur smiled widely in amusement. “If you’re Mr. Thorin’s nephew, it is me who is at your service. Bofur. At your service, Mr. Kili,” he said, bowing as deeply as Kili had. “I’m sure Mr. Thorin wouldn’t mind being interrupted by you. Please, follow me.”

Kili’s heart pounded in his chest as he walked behind Nori and Bofur. He barely noted his surroundings as he was led to a thick wooden door. It wasn’t as imposing as the great doors of Erebor or the solid stone door that guarded Thorin’s house. However, something about it signified importance and power. To add to it, there was the fact that Thorin was on the other side of the door, the closest they had been in uncountable months—and they were to become closer soon. Kili was almost overcome with an urge to push it open and see with his own eyes the dwarf who had given him such happiness in such a ruinous way, who had occupied his mind in such a way that kept him strong even in the bleakest days. But, Kili was held back by the fact that things had changed. There was more than some gambling debts to be paid now. The survival of his family now depended on his service to Thorin, how well he pleased and pleasured him. He must from now on submit and obey without fail and question. The thought was unsettling, even almost sickening. Kili took a deep breath as Bofur knocked the door and walked in.

“Nori and Mr. Kili are here to see you, Sir,” he introduced out of sight.

There was a pause before an answer came in a familiar voice that made Kili ached with longing and shivered in fear all at once. “Let them in.”

Kili felt ill, but he tried not to show it when he followed Nori and Bofur into the room. It wasn’t as large as the sitting room and the walls were lined with tall bookcases filled with thick tomes and scrolls instead of magnificent statues and tapestries. There were two desks there, a small one occupied by a young dwarf and a bigger one occupied by his master. Thorin looked at Kili as if not quite believing his presence, although Kili couldn’t think why. Surely, Thorin knew his father was unlikely to turn down four hundred gold coins a year, an amount much greater than his family could earn on their own even if all four of them worked hard all year. He must know that Kili was coming, his purchase successful. Nevertheless, Kili smiled pleasantly while quietly noting the difference between the dwarf before him and the dwarf he had met last year. The first thing he noticed was that Thorin seemed exhausted, perhaps due to work, if the tall stack of papers before him was any indication. However, at the same time he seemed much better than he ever was in Ered Luin and it was no wonder if he had luxury and staff at his disposal. Kili was instantly sorry for what to Thorin must have been very poor services in Ered Luin. He had been kind enough to tolerate them without complaint, but he must have been very uncomfortable. Kili instantly vowed to not disappoint him anymore.

“I apologize for the delay. There was a slight change of plan on my return, but I bring Vilir’s reply,” Nori said, producing a scroll from inside his coat.

Thorin finally removed his eyes from Kili and looked at his messenger. “I take it that it’s a positive answer,” he said as he accepted the scroll. He glanced at the message inside it and turned to the other dwarf in the room “Ori, you are dismissed. We’ll continue tomorrow.”

The dwarf, Ori, stood up and bowed deeply to Thorin. “Yes, Sir,” he said in a timid voice. He left the room, but not before giving Nori a wide smile and Kili a small bow.

Thorin waited until the door closed behind Ori before talking. “Did Vilir give you any trouble?”

Nori shook his head. “Not at all. He immediately accepted your terms and I gave him the coins you sent with me.”

Thorin hummed thoughtfully. “He didn’t try to bargain at all?”

“No. I believe your terms are more than satisfactory to him.”

Kili fought to hide his wince. He had been overpaid and understandably so. So many dwarfs had used him very ill and he didn’t meet the dwarven standard of attractiveness at all. Thorin could have bought Kili with half of what he had offered—or even less than that. The reminder of this, and in such a brutally honest way, humiliated Kili, but he couldn’t blame Nori, who didn’t know the true content of the message he had brought. He thought he only brought ordinary terms of employment when it was anything but. Kili lowered his eyes, unable to look at Thorin directly after Nori’s report.

“Vilir told Kili to go with me as soon as he read the message,” Nori went on to explain. “We left the next morning.”

“Tell Gloin to arrange delivery of four hundred gold coins to Ered Luin every year.” He nodded when Nori gave his confirmation. “You may return home after you send the message to Gloin—I’m sure Ori can’t wait to hear your stories.”

Nori smiled widely. “I’ll see Gloin immediately.” He grinned to Kili and swiftly left the room, the door shutting with a resolute click behind him.

The room was silent now that there were only Thorin and Kili. Taking a deep breath, Kili lift his eyes to Thorin to find him assessing him quietly. Fretfully, Kili wondered if he was having second thought. Surely no, not so soon. It had only been a few minutes. Kili hadn’t had the chance to prove his worth and it would be terribly unfair to determine that by his looks alone, not by his services. Kili immediately regretted not taking time to change his clothes and brush his hair before coming here. It wouldn’t make him as handsome as the dwarves of Erebor, but it would improve his looks somewhat. Travel-worn, he was even less attractive than he usually was. Should he try to seduce Thorin regardless? Remind him of how well Kili knew how to give pleasure? Kili had no oil with him, but he still had his mouth. He looked at the floor in consideration, wondering if it would hurt to kneel on marble.

“How was your travel?” Thorin asked, interrupting Kili’s thoughts.

Kili blinked in surprise, but quickly plastered on a wide grin. “It was fine! I didn’t expect Erebor to be so far away, but it was a good travel overall!”

Thorin smiled. “The real world is a different from stories and songs.” He paused, looking at the small bag by Kili’s feet. “How was your family? I can’t imagine Fili being very happy to have you gone.”

The thought of his brother half a world away brought a pang of pain to Kili’s chest. He had never been apart from Fili and now he would most likely never see him again. Indeed, for his family’s sake he should hope to never see Fili again, for seeing him meant that he had failed his purposes and couldn’t help their family. “He wasn’t happy, but he understands,” Kili finally said. “And my mother and father were well.”

“I’ll write to them to inform them that you’ve arrived safely,” Thorin decided. “That should give them some comfort.”

A hope for kind treatment grew in Kili’s chest, although he was still anxious to secure his position. Thorin was the same as the dwarf Kili had known before. He was still thoughtful, though he spoke and behaved distantly sometimes. He thought back on what Dis had said: Thorin would take good care of him here. Perhaps he truly would. “It will. Thank you!” Kili said cheerfully.

Thorin nodded and stood up from his chair. Kili struggled to calm his racing heart as Thorin approached him. His body stirred, remembering the many lovely nights they had shared together before. Kili took a quick note of their surroundings, looking for something which could be used to ease the way if that’s what Thorin wanted. Saliva would do, he supposed, though he didn’t like to think of how sore he would be as Thorin wasn’t exactly small and he hadn’t been with anyone for a good while. Indeed, thoughts of pain dampened his desire somewhat, but Kili continued to smile as Thorin stood before him, studying him. Although eager to show what he could offer, he waited for Thorin’s command. After all, wasn’t complete submission what he had been bought for?

“You haven’t changed,” Thorin said quietly.

Kili hesitated, not expecting this observation. He thought he had—Vilir’s escalated greed had made sure of that. But, Kili supposed there was no way to accurately tell how embittered and broken one was from the outside. “Haven’t I?” he wondered, not daring to contradict Thorin when his position wasn’t safe yet.

Thorin shook his head, looking at him more closely. “No. I thought I’d see someone I didn’t know.”

Kili mulled over this for a moment, wondering what he could mean. “Who do you want me to be for you?” he asked after a while, giving him a coy look he hoped still worked. He had been many things in bed for others before. He was a poor actor, but he knew how to act well enough to pleasure.

The question seemed to surprise Thorin. He stared at Kili, dumfounded, for a while before shaking his head. “It’s only an observation. Come with me. I’ll show you to your room.”

Kili didn’t argue. In fact he was rather relieved that he wouldn’t be taken in the study—at least there would be a bed in his room. He followed Thorin as he showed him his expansive house and seemingly uncountable rooms where gold and gemstones glittered beautifully and silk and thick fur gave softness to the marble rooms. With every step taken, Kili’s awe and admiration grew, for each room seemed more opulent than the rest. And how massive the house was! Kili knew Thorin’s who family used to live there, but it seemed to him there was enough space for a couple of dozen at least. Yet, most of them were unoccupied and most likely unused, although still well-maintained. The sort of way of life Thorin must enjoy here was unimaginable to Kili. Things were different here. He must serve differently, although he didn’t know how as Thorin hadn’t even given him a single hint yet.

“This is your room,” Thorin said as he opened a door.

Kili slowly walked inside, holding his breath as he took in the sight before him. The room was lighted by candles on candleholders on the walls. A large bed was pushed against one side, the thick mattress and soft pillows covered in beautifully embroidered blue fabric. Opposite the bed there was a large wooden armoire, skillfully made as if live vines grew around it. It was a strangely elvish in design but it went beautifully with the small writing desk and a divan near it, both of which were made from the same material and with the same skill. There was an unlit fireplace which would no doubt be useful at night this high in the mountain, and a rug of brown fur. As with other rooms, the walls were the natural green marble of Erebor, accentuated by gold and silver and dotted with tiny glimmering gemstones. Everything was beautiful but what caught Kili’s attention was the large window across from him. Kili crossed the room, barely aware of the thick rug he stepped on, as he approached the window. Peering below, he saw the bustling city of Dale starting to be lit up by small lanterns like fireflies as darkness began to cloak Middle Earth. Beyond that were vast land and rich forest, both of which more expansive than anything Kili had ever seen. Kili longed to feel fresh air on his skin. He wasn’t home, but nature was the same everywhere and he wanted to feel its familiarity. However, the sky was dark outside and mountain wind was cold and harsh, especially at this altitude. Kili settled to looking at the view of freedom out of his reach.

“I thought you’d like the view,” Thorin said from behind Kili. “It’s beautiful in the afternoon. You can see the sun set on Greenwood from here.”

“It’s beautiful in the evening, too,” Kili commented. He wouldn’t mind looking at it a few more minutes, but he wasn’t here to enjoy the view.

Slowly, Kili turned to face Thorin. He was pleased to see that Thorin didn’t step away from him, obviously not averse to proximity. This close Kili could see things that he hadn’t noticed before, changes from the memory he held dearly in his heart. There was more grey hair in Thorin’s luxurious dark hair than the last time they met. There were more creases and lines on his face, too, reminders of the long period they had spent apart. His complexion was paler, which Kili attributed to spending a lot of time in the mountain, but he still looked better than when he was under the limited care of Kili’s family. However, some things remained the same. His unusually blue eyes were still sharp and hid so much warmth. His presence was still overwhelming, not only with his built, but with the confidence with which he carried himself. Kili’s mind unwittingly turned toward their nights together and how Thorin so easily overcame him with words and strength. His eyes drifted to Thorin’s lips at the reminder of the kisses Thorin had been so fond of giving him, how he claimed and pleasure at once with such simple action. It had been a while since Kili had been kissed properly. He licked his lips, wondering if Thorin would kiss him again.

Suddenly, Thorin cleared his throat. He looked away and pointed to an unobtrusive lever on the wall near the bed. “Pull that if you need something. It’s connected to the servant’s quarter. They will come to help you with anything you need.” He turned back to Kili and took a step back. “Supper will be served in an hour. Bofur will call you then; you can rest in the meantime.”

Kili couldn’t help but feel disappointed when Thorin left shortly after that. However, he couldn’t blame Thorin. He was dirty and thin from weeks of travel. How could he hope to rouse desire when he was in such an unsightly state? There was no quick cure for his slim figure, but his hygiene could be improved. After some hesitation (because he wasn’t used to having anyone serving him,) he pulled the lever Thorin had indicated. In mere minutes, Bofur appeared at his door. He obliged readily when Kili requested a bath and left only to return again a moment later with a copper tub. He set it in front of the fireplace and industriously filled it with hot water. When Kili refused his assistance with bathing, he left Kili with a basket of bath oils and soft towels, but not before lighting the fireplace. 

Once alone, Kili investigated the bath oils, opening each bottle and smelling the content. He had hardly ever used any, using plants instead to remove unpleasant odor. He wondered what scent Thorin liked. Surely not flowers—he didn’t seem the sort to like that. Perhaps something woodsy, then? Some of the oil even smelt like food, making Kili’s stomach growl, which wasn’t the sort of reaction he aimed for. He tried to remember what smell Thorin liked, but he couldn’t think of anything. He had never complained about Kili’s scent. Furthermore, Thorin never used perfume, unlike some dwarves he knew who reeked of the strongest scenting perfumes they could find. Kili frowned at the tiny bottles, trying to decide, while the water in the tub slowly cooled.

Eventually, Kili settled for fresh apple scent. Sighing, he removed his clothes and entered the large tub. The heat of the water immediately relaxed his tired muscles and he moaned quietly in relief, having not quite realized how tired he was. He spent a few minutes just soaking and nearly drifted to sleep. With his eyes closed, he could almost imagine being at home and the scent of apple was coming from wild apple trees. But, Kili was far from home and might never (and hopefully would never) see it again. He woke himself up and immediately scrubbed his skin thoroughly, removing the grime which had collected over the course of his travel and he hadn’t been able to remove with a quick bath in rivers. He washed grease off his hair, too, and wished he had some hair oil to brush it with later.

His skin was raw from scrubbing and heat when Kili was finished, but at last he was clean. He toweled himself dry and went on to decide on his attire. Sadly, despite being cleaner than he could remember ever being in his life, Kili had no proper clothes to wear. All of them, even the best clothes he had brought, were old and worn. He hadn’t thought too much of it when he packed them before leaving Ered Luin, but now that he had seen Erebor, he realized how inferior they were to what the dwarves here wore. Even the bathing robe he was wearing was better than anything he had brought and had ever owned. However, he had no other choice. Kili put on his best clothes and spent a few minutes fussing over them, to smooth the wrinkles and hide the stains. Then, with the help of a mirror, he brushed his hair. The grease had gone and the bath had made it easier to tame. Now it shone under the candle light, inviting a touch if Thorin so desired. Lastly, Kili put on his simple hair clasp on the back of his head. He inspected himself in the mirror. He was still far from the beautiful residents of Erebor, but he certainly looked better than when he had arrived. Hopefully, Thorin would be able to see past his flawed appearance and remembered the pleasure Kili had given him.

Kili summoned Bofur again to remove the tub and the dwarf came along with the information that supper was ready. He smiled widely when he saw Kili, but refrained from commenting—a small comfort. He left Bofur to do his task, although worried that he might get lost in the unfamiliar place. However, he was able to find the place on his own merely by following his nose as scent of delicious dishes wafted from the room. Kili’s mouth watered and his stomach growled softly. He was immensely grateful that no one was with him to hear that.

Thorin was already waiting for him at the table when Kili found the dining room. However, for what seemed to be the first time since they knew each other, Kili couldn’t bring himself to pay much attention to him. His eyes were glued to the banquet spread on the table before him. There were a basket of steaming buns, a pot of warm soup, a thick roasted lamb leg, a whole roasted chicken, bowls of fruits, and plates of dishes that smelt heavenly but Kili couldn’t recognize. His mouth salivated heavily and his stomach insistently reminded him that he hadn’t had a proper meal in a very long time (although this was more than a proper meal. This was a feast!). His surprise and hunger must have been obvious because Thorin chuckled in amusement.

“Sit down,” he said, gesturing to a chair near him.

Kili flushed in shame and quickly obeyed. “Are we expecting anyone?” he asked as he sat down.

Thorin smiled in amusement. “No. It’s just you and me. I’m not sure what dish you’d like so I told Bombur, the cook, to serve the best dishes he could make.”

Kili’s eyes widened. “This is for me?” he asked in disbelieve. He stared at the food in front of him when Thorin nodded. “There’s so much food! I can’t eat it all!”

“I’m sure you’ll make a good attempt at it, though,” Thorin teased him.

Kili tried to deny, starting out slowly, but soon his hunger couldn’t be denied. His plate was replenished over and over again. He ate quickly, shoving one spoonful after another into his mouth, as if fearing that these dishes would disappear or be taken away from him. He could barely taste anything, only that everything was vaguely delicious and warmed his previously empty belly. Once his hunger receded, he became aware of Thorin’s amused stare and paused in embarrassment. However, Thorin would have none of it.

“Don’t mind me. These are all for you.”

Kili frowned, looking at the bowl in front of Thorin. It was his second course and he had barely finished it while Kili had eaten plates after plates of food. Manners were rarely practiced in his house, but Kili remembered his past lesson from his mother enough to know that he had been completely ill-mannered. “I’ve eaten enough.”

Thorin raised an eyebrow and gestured to someone behind Kili. “I doubt it,” he said simply.

Kili started when someone appeared at his side and refilled his plate with a thick slab of chicken breast. A wild-haired staff grunted something unintelligible and signed with his hands before he stepped back to stand behind Kili. Kili would’ve understood the sign had he not been entranced by the axe embedded on the staff’s forehead. He had seen dwarves with various injuries from battles and other violent activities, but he had never seen anyone with a piece of a weapon stuck on them. And on the head no less! Dwarves were hardened creatures, but surely such injury should cost life. In fact, Kili had known of dwarves who perished because of less fatal injuries.

Noticing his amazement, Thorin explained to him, “Bifur was injured in a battle. The axe couldn’t be removed and cost him some of his memory and his ability to speak in the common tongue. If you want to learn Iglishmek to speak to him, I have books in my study that you can read, though I supposed you’re not the type to read.”

Kili frowned, wondering if that was an insult. “I understand Iglishmek quite well,” he informed Thorin defensively. “And I don’t mind reading. After all this traveling, I won’t mind less taxing activities at all.”

“Tell me about your journey. Did you like it?” Thorin asked. “Did you find any orc or troll?” he added with a smirk.

Kili slowed his eating to tell Thorin everything he had seen on his way to Erebor, the differences between Ered Luin and the world beyond it and between stories and reality. He shared things he learnt on the way, little knowledge for survival Nori had taught him and the new skills he had honed. He described little curiosities he hadn’t known before in nature and in towns he and Nori passed by. Kili spoke so much that he lost track of time. At some point dessert was served and then he stopped eating and started drinking instead. The taste of fine wine shocked his taste buds, but he quickly grew accustomed to it, or at least learnt to ignore the unfamiliar taste.

Although Thorin must have known what Kili gleefully told him, he listened intently. He asked questions when Kili told him particularly unusual things and explained some of the things Kili wondered about. When Kili told him that he had to learn to keep watch at night, Thorin shared his own experience from a time where orcs and goblins still roamed free. Kili listened with rapt attention as Thorin told him that once upon a time, these threats were very much real, that a snapped branch very likely meant something dangerous was coming to kill them and moving shadows indicated approaching ambushes. When wine and dessert were successfully polished off and there was yet more to talk about, they moved their conversation in front of the fireplace in the sitting room, accompanied by a box of the best pipe weed Kili had ever had and a bottle of wine. Bofur and Bifur were dismissed as to give Thorin and Kili more freedom to talk And talk they did for a long time, comparing experiences, learning from the past and the present, laughing at mistakes and lessons learnt the hard way.

Kili would gladly spent more time with Thorin, but his exhaustion soon made itself known and his full belly made it difficult to remain alert. Tried as he might, he couldn’t stop himself from yawning. His mind slowed and it became increasingly difficult to keep up with the conversation, fascinating though it was. Kili blinked his eyes rapidly to keep himself awake but only just succeeded. Realizing his sleepiness, Thorin ended the night, much to Kili’s protests.

“We’ll continue tomorrow,” Thorin said as he gently steered Kili toward his room.

“Won’t you be working?” Kili reminded him.

“I don’t work in the evening. You can tell me anything you want then.”

“And you can tell me anything you want, which I think is a whole lot more than what I have to say,” Kili said brazenly, the alcohol in his blood and Thorin’s firm hand on his shoulder making him bolder.

Thorin huffed in amusement. “I’m perfectly content listening.” He chuckled when Kili muttered that it wasn’t the impression he had.

For a brief second, his hand slid lower to Kili’s back and Kili thought he would pull him close, but he didn’t. Instead, they stopped in front of Kili’s door. This brought Kili to some alertness as he recalled why he was in Erebor. He wasn’t here to tell Thorin stories, he was here to bend to his desires. Kili briefly wondered whether he could properly pleasure Thorin in his current state, but he had served others in even worse condition, with pain in every inch of his body. It wasn’t ideal, but so he could and would try to prove that he was worth the gold coins Thorin had promised Vilir. He would. For Thorin he would try.

“I can’t wait to hear the rest of your story in tomorrow,” Thorin said with a smile, turning toward him

Kili touched the door but didn’t push it open. “You can hear it tonight,” he offered.

Thorin stilled. Kili remembered him well enough to recognize desire flaming in his eyes. He saw Thorin’s eyes drifted lower to assess him. Kili’s fear that he didn’t appear attractive enough was eased, if not completely removed, when he noticed signs of rising arousal in Thorin. Though his body protested the idea of exerting himself in his condition, thoughts of his family in Ered Luin strengthened him. He smiled invitingly to Thorin, letting him know in uncertain terms of what he was willing to do.

However, Thorin shook his head, jaws clenched tightly. “You’re obviously tired. I will see you in the morning,” he said, turning away from Kili.

Worry grew in Kili’s mind, replacing exhaustion and drunkenness. He couldn’t let his condition jeopardize his family’s welfare. “Where’s your room?” he asked before Thorin walked away.

Thorin turned back to him and, after a pause, came closer. He took a deep breath as Kili looked at him hopefully. For one second his eyes drifted down to Kili’s lips and Kili thought he would kiss him. Instead, he cupped the back of Kili’s head. “Try to get some rest,” he said.

Kili watched him walk away. He considered following him to at least know where his room was, but it was already made clear (twice) that Thorin didn’t want him tonight. He frowned, wondering if he had said or done something wrong or if Thorin wasn’t happy with his appearance. Unfortunately for him, Thorin disappeared in the corner before Kili could decide on a course of action, leaving him with no answer to relieve his confusion. Disappointed, Kili went to bed alone. Although lacking in Thorin’s presence, the bed was the most comfortable he had ever felt, the sheet very soft under his touch, and the pillows were the right side of firmness. Despite his discontent, Kili only managed to spend a few minutes worrying before exhaustion took over him and he slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

Kili woke up late the next morning. The sun was quite high in the sky when he quickly dressed himself and rushed to the dining room. Though he had expected it, he was disappointed to not see Thorin, or indeed anyone, there. He was probably already hard at work while Kili just started his day. Guilty and embarrassed at his laziness, he went in search of Thorin. However before he found his study, Bofur found him first.

“Did you have a good night sleep?” Bofur asked, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

“I did,” Kili admitted with a little embarrassment. “Where is Thorin?”

“He’s in his office, working. He told me to help you with breakfast when you’ve woken up.”

Despite his very big dinner the previous night, it was true that he was getting a little hungry. Kili dejectedly followed Bofur back to the dining room to have his very late breakfast. He wanted to see Thorin, but he probably didn’t want to be bothered so late in the day. Kili’s spirit was only mildly lifted by the breakfast served by Bofur, soft break rolls filled with cream and delicious soup. His appetite was dampened somewhat, however, by the sight of Thorin’s empty chair. He didn’t usually wake up late. Indeed, he usually woke rather early to help his family. Kili cursed his exhaustion and exceptionally comfortable bed. He fully blamed it on them that he woke up late and missed seeing Thorin that morning.

“Why didn’t anyone wake me up?” he asked Bofur.

“Mr. Thorin said to let you rest,” Bofur replied, smiling so that his cheeks dimpled. “You have traveled long and far. You must have been very tired.”

Kili frowned at his breakfast. Indeed he had been tired, but he wanted to spend time with Thorin. He had been given a beautiful room to live in and food to eat and had been cared for better than he had expected, now he must return the favor, to do what he was here for. Kili discreetly glanced at Bofur. It would be difficult to do anything or at least discuss the matter with two staffs constantly at the ready to carry out their orders. Perhaps he should find Thorin’s room, although he didn’t know how to do so without asking Bofur and potentially raising suspicion. No matter how loyal Bofur and Bifur were, it was better to not take any chances, at least until Thorin gave his approval.

A distant knocking interrupted Kili’s thought. He nodded absently when Bofur excused himself to open the door. Alone with no company, Kili wondered how about how his day-to-day life should change. They hadn’t established any routine or rule for Kili to follow. He didn’t know how much Thorin’s work occupied him, how long he worked during the day, whether he regularly had visitors or travelled, whether he worked every day or used some days to rest. What should he do while Thorin was working? Should he wait in his room until he was called to provide company or entertainment? Was he allowed to do other things, perhaps even explore Erebor, or was he to always be ready for Thorin’s whimsical desire? What should he do to best please Thorin? How could he fit himself into Thorin’s life? Kili wanted and needed directions but had received none so far. Was it not common practice to establish these things first thing in employment? Kili’s previous employers certainly gave their orders as soon as he was employed, but Thorin seemed to have a more lax attitude here. Kili frowned at his now empty plate, wondering what to do.

Lost in thought, Kili didn’t realize Bofur had returned until he cleared his throat. “Mr. Thorin expects you in the sitting room after breakfast.”

The sitting room? It’s probably not for what Kili had expected, then, unless Thorin trusted his staff completely enough to not fear their discovery. “What does he call me for?” he asked, trying to hide his disappointment.

“I don’t know,” Bofur replied, although the mischievous glint in his eyes gave him away.

Kili hesitated for a moment and then left the dining room. He didn’t know what Thorin had in store for him, but any chance to spend time with Thorin shouldn’t be wasted. Even if he wasn’t expected to entertain Thorin, he could at least drop hints that he needed to know how he should play his role. That was if he could drop a hint at all. Subtlety was never his forte, direct approach was. There was a good chance of him exposing the truth if he were to try asking covertly. And of course getting an answer was another issue completely. Kili started to get frustrated. He wished Thorin would relieve him from this confusing situation instead of adding to it.

When Kili reached the sitting room, he found that Thorin wasn’t alone. With him was a beautiful elderly dwarf—probably the guest who arrived just now. He was finely dressed, although not as finely as Thorin was. His silver hair and beard were neatly brushed and braided. He had the air of a well-bred dwarf, although he showed deference to Thorin that made it clear that his station was below him. However, he seemed quite familiar with Thorin, or at least on friendly terms. He and Thorin were making small talks about the weather, but stopped when they saw Kili at the doorway. Thorin nodded to him and gestured him to come closer. Though hesitant (being introduced to a stranger rarely bode well for him), Kili approached them with a smile.

“You asked for me?” he asked Thorin.

Thorin nodded. “Yes. Dori, this is Kili, my nephew. Kili, this is Dori. He will be taking your measurements.”

“My measurements?” Kili asked.

“For your new clothes,” Thorin explained.

Kili’s eyes widened in surprise. It had been a while since he got new clothes and even then those were made by his mother, not a proper tailor. Glancing at Dori, he saw the dwarf eyeing him critically. He said nothing, but it was clear that he wasn’t much impressed with what he saw, and who could blame him. Kili looked like he didn’t even deserve to live in the stables of Erebor. In fact, if he found Minty looking better than him in the stable, he wouldn’t be surprised. Kili tried not to fidget in self-consciousness under the assessing gaze. Admitting to himself that he didn’t look very handsome was one thing, being judged by someone who presumably knew fashion very well was another. Kili couldn’t say he was happy that Thorin all but acknowledged that he didn’t look good enough (and in front of others no less,) but perhaps being dressed properly would help him win back Thorin’s interest. If that was the case, then Kili couldn’t turn down the generous gift.

“Thank you!” Kili exclaimed with a wide grin.

Thorin nodded, smiling. “Dori will make you clothes for daily wear, formal outfits, winter coats, and hunting clothes. If you need anything else, just let him know.”

“Hunting outfit?” Kili repeated with wide eyes.

“You like hunting, do you? And I haven’t quite had the chance to see your skill.”

Kili thought back on the day they went to the forest. Hunting had been the excuse he used to lure Thorin there, but they had spent the day in the secluded spot by the river, enjoying each other’s body and relaxing rather than catching any game. Kili’s desire stirred as he recalled the power Thorin had unleashed at his insistence and the safety he had exuded when he embraced him. How he had held Kili, caressed and kissed him as passion cooled between them and nature sang around them. It was a memory dear to him, the first time he associated aches and soreness with actual joy instead of bleak resignation and self-hatred. And the memory seemed to stay with Thorin as well because his pale face flushed slightly and he cleared his throat sharply.

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Thorin said, standing up. He glanced at Dori when he bowed and smiled at Kili when he passed him by.

Kili watched Thorin leave with some disappointment. He wished Thorin would stay so that they might talk a little, but Thorin probably still had a lot of work to do. He was a businessman, after all, not an idle whore like Kili. Accompanying Kili as he had his measurements taken would waste his precious time which would be better used furthering his business. Kili tried to not mind it too much. He had been overpaid and treated far above his actual stations with his room and then now this commissioned new clothes. The least he could do was to be patient and not get in Thorin’s way. They would have all evening to themselves, after all.

“Shall we start?” Dori asked politely.

Kili nodded, smiling jovially. “Of course.”

Dori took Kili’s measurements carefully and wrote down the numbers on a small book. He made a quiet disapproving sound when he measured Kili’s too-flat stomach and then tried to hide it with a polite cough. Kili had heard it, though, and didn’t take offense. He knew he was far too thin for a dwarf—Dori wouldn’t be the first person to disapprove of that fact and he wouldn’t be the last. He didn’t know why, but he and Fili could never be as stout as most dwarfs. Perhaps it was because of their situation in life, although he knew others in similar predicament who managed to have the desired look. It could also be an inherited trait. Kili could still remember quite vividly that Thorin, too, didn’t carry much fat. He had the advantage of looking like a proper dwarf warrior, however, whereas Kili hardly looked like a dwarf at all.

“Nori told me about you,” Dori began conversationally as he measured the width of Kili’s chest. “He seems to quite like you.”

“Oh! You know him?”

Dori nodded. “He’s my brother. He told me you’re a good travelling companion and helped him a lot.”

Kili laughed, recalling the recent memory of his first travel outside of Ered Luin. “I only managed to help because he taught me how to do it. I wouldn’t have survived if not for him.”

“Oh, I doubt it,” Dori scoffed. “That lad knows nothing but getting into troubles!” he exclaimed. Though his words were unkind, the corners of his lips curled up slightly in fondness. Kili knew right then that although he saw little resemblance between Dori and Nori, they truly were brothers.

Kili laughed in response. He thought of his banters with Fili, how they mocked each other relentlessly only to laugh together in the end. Well, Kili usually did most of the mocking—Fili had always been more considerate with what he said. His brother had been his first friend, best friend, and then only friend. A lump rose to Kili’s throat as longing and loneliness washed over him unexpectedly. He only had Thorin here and he had been busy. The few others that he knew he couldn’t be fully honest with. He missed Fili’s companionship, even Dis’ silent company, and wondered how they were doing in Ered Luin. Was Fili happy? Was Dis all right? Did they think of him? He hoped they did, but he also hoped that thoughts of him didn’t keep them from living their lives. He was almost certain Fili would survive the distance, but he couldn’t be entirely sure about his mother. She had become so fragile, although she had managed to withstand the cruel force of her mind and her husband so far. Kili didn’t like to think of how much more she could take before she’d break.

“How is Dis?” Dori suddenly asked.

“She’s fine,” Kili replied, surprised. “Do you know her?”

At this, Dori smiled. “Everybody here knew her. She was quite popular. Everywhere she went, her suitors would follow. It was quite a sight,” he chuckled.

Kili frowned thoughtfully. Dis was pretty and he knew that many people admired her for that prettiness, but it never occurred to him that she might be popular in Erebor where, as he had seen with his very own eyes, everyone was exceedingly glamorous and beautiful. Much as Kili loved his mother, he thought she looked very simple compared with the dwarves he had seen here. Her rare stories of Erebor also had no mention of any suitor. Kili had thought that some people might have liked her (he tried not to think of how Vilir had once considered using Dis’ beauty to pay his debts and how he had threatened Kili with it to force him to continue selling himself,) but never more than a couple. It was difficult for him to imagine her being pursued by many dwarfs as Dori just implied.

“She never told me about that,” Kili admitted.

“Oh, she was very well-known and much admired. Thrain and Thorin had been inundated by proposals since she came of age.” Dori grinned when Kili made a face. “Everybody loved her. Thorin wasn’t the only one saddened by her leaving.”

Although he had had some inkling that the siblings didn’t part on the best of terms, it surprised him that Thorin might have been sad because of it. If anything, he had expected annoyance and frustration. “I didn’t know Thorin was so affected.”

Dori sighed heavily, shaking his head. “He was devastated. He didn’t show it, of course, but he was. After Thrain passed away, they were the only ones for each other. When she suddenly disappeared, he spent nearly every coin he had to look for her, but he never found her. Eventually, he gave up.”

Kili looked at the door where Thorin had disappeared to. All his life, he always had his family with him. It wasn’t always easy and happy, but he always had his loved ones near. He couldn’t imagine being suddenly left alone by the only relative he had. He couldn’t imagine spending decades alone, wondering where his loved ones were and how they were doing. Thorin had seemed rather distant around Dis when he first arrived in Ered Luin. Kili had thought that was due to their past relationship or his personality, but now he wondered how it must have made him feel to meet the sibling who had left him decades ago and made no contact with him in the meantime. It must have been difficult to restore their relationship. It was quite a miracle that they managed to get on well in the end.

“He might not have been so worried if it hadn’t been Vilir. He was…” Dori stopped and cleared his throat loudly.

Kili’s interest was instantly piqued. Dori’s vicious tone suggested that he didn’t like Vilir very much even after all these decades. Kili wondered what had happened. Unlike Dis, Vilir rarely spoke of his past aside from places he had travelled to. There was never any mention of family or friends, but Kili hadn’t thought of it as strange. Though dwarfs generally had close family relationship, there were those who preferred solitude to dedicate their lives to the crafts of their choosing. Now, Kili wondered if Vilir hid something from his past, a likely possibility considering how cruel he could be to his own son.

Unfortunately, if there was any, Dori didn’t seem to want to share. “I’ve had all your measurements. Now, let’s take a look at the fabrics you can choose from,” he said decisively.

Kili tried to protest—he had no interest or understanding in fashion and would gladly let Dori choose—but Dori was adamant. They spent the entire day deciding on color and fabric and various designs for his new outfits and even gloves and boots. Though Kili had seen himself how dwarfs of Erebor lived much better lives than those in Ered Luin, it still surprised him when Dori showed him an array of soft silk and velvet to choose from, promised him the finest leather, and even suggested gold and silver threads to decorate his clothes. He thought it was far above his station to wear such fine clothes, but Dori insisted. Unable to argue without giving away the reason why he was brought to Erebor, Kili conceded hesitantly.

When Dori finally left with Ori, Kili breathed a sigh of relief. His eyes were tired from looking at myriad of colors and his mind still spun after spending hours trying to decide on the design of his new clothes. Despite wanting nothing more than to rest, he still accompanied Thorin having supper, not wanting to miss even more chance to be with him. Thorin seemed amused by his exhaustion and complaints and only shook his head when Kili expressed his concern that Dori might have gone overboard with the designs.

“Not at all. Erebor is blessed with unparalleled wealth. You may think this is unusual, but it’s completely common here.”

“But, I’m just…” Kili stopped himself, minding that Bofur and Bifur were within earshot.

Misunderstanding Kili’s concern, Thorin smiled gently. “You’re Dis’ son. You may not have grown up here but you live here now and you have the right to have anything I own.”

Kili frowned at his plate but couldn’t argue as they weren’t alone. He might be Thorin’s sister’s son, but he was also brought here for a purpose and it was not to splurge on Thorin’s wealth. While he was grateful for Thorin’s generosity, it also made him uncomfortable. All his life he had to earn everything he got. He hadn’t earned Thorin’s kindness and it didn’t sit well with him. He had to do something, at least showed his appreciation and gratitude and he didn’t think that words, no matter how pretty, were enough. Were Kili a wealthier dwarf, he might return the kindness with goods, but the only goods he had was himself. So, as soon as once they settled in the sitting room after supper and Thorin dismissed Bofur and Bifur, Kili made his advances.

Thorin looked surprised when Kili took his pipe from his hand and put it away. He opened his mouth, presumably to ask what he was doing, but Kili didn’t give him any chance to speak and quickly straddled his lap. This was a risky move. Bofur and Bifur might still be nearby, but Kili didn’t want to lose this opportunity. He had wasted one day and received valuable gifts for nothing. He couldn’t waste another night not doing what he had come here to do. And if Kili was honest with himself, he had missed Thorin’s touches so much.

“You’re very kind to me,” Kili said huskily as he made sure to press their pelvises together. He wasn’t hard yet and neither was Thorin, but he was determined to change that.

“What are you doing?” Thorin asked quietly, leaning against the backrest of his chair and away from Kili.

“Thanking you,” Kili breathed, not discouraged.

Thorin released a choked breath when Kili began to rock his hips, slowly grinding himself against Thorin, as he ran his hands over Thorin’s broad chest and shoulders. How powerful he was, always making Kili felt small and weak even though he was only slightly smaller than him. Kili wanted to touch his skin, trace his scars, combs the thick hair on his chest, feel again that warmth and softness he had been so familiar with, but not yet. Sighing quietly, Kili watched Thorin’s face closely. Desire slowly but surely slackened his guarded expression and made his breathing heavy. His eyes darkened with lust and a slight flush spread across his skin. Kili’s gaze fell to his lips, soft and slightly parted. It had been very long since he was last kissed and he still remembered Thorin’s deep kisses, the way he claimed Kili’s mouth so thoroughly with languid caresses of his clever tongue that took, took, and took even when Kili felt there was nothing worth giving. The memory and the steady motions of his hips stoked Kili’s desire. His cock hardened in his breeches and he could feel an answering thick column of hardness just layers away from it.

Boldly, Kili shifted closer to grind their hips more firmly together. Finally, an airy moan escaped Thorin’s mouth as he tilted his head back, hips rising slightly to meet Kili’s. Happily taking this as an invitation, Kili leaned forward to rain open-mouthed kisses on Thorin’s neck. He dared not leave any mark, but he did sweep his tongue over sensitive skin to draw shuddering breaths. He wished Thorin would touch him, but his hands were splayed beside his thighs. Trying to entice him, Kili ran his hands down Thorin’s thick arms. He longed to feel those strong hands on his body, caressing him, finding places that made him cry for more, teasing him, and making him writhe and beg in pleasure. He wanted to feel Thorin’s hand on his cock, bringing him to pleasure slowly and inexorably. He wanted to feel his fingers opening and widening his tight passage, preparing him for his thick cock. He wanted to feel his cock sliding into him slowly and then taking him with harsh thrusts as he lost himself in pleasure like that day in the forest long ago. Kili clutched Thorin’s arms tightly, moaning pleadingly as his hips jerked sharply.

Suddenly, Thorin gripped Kili’s hips, stilling him. Kili tried to keep moving, but Thorin merely tightened his grip. It was surprisingly strong, considering it wasn’t bruising. His breathing was still harsh and his eyes still held lust. Between them, Kili could feel the tempting hardness of his thick erection. However, he refused to budge when Kili tried to squirm out of his firm grasp. Indeed, he looked determined to stop Kili. Kili frowned at him, confused and a little hurt.

“There’s no need to thank me,” Thorin said, his voice deep and harsh.

“But…”

“I’m only doing as I should,” Thorin interrupted.

“But, I’m here to please you, not to spend your gold!” Kili argued.

Thorin took a deep breath and smiled. “Making sure that you are well pleases me.”

Kili frowned. He didn’t understand. He could feel that Thorin wanted him, so why was he rejected? Before he could ask and get any explanation, however, Thorin had pushed him off to the seat beside him. Then, he quickly stood up, as if worried Kili would climb onto his lap again. Although he continued to smile at Kili, his rejection cut deep into Kili’s heart. Thorin had refused his advances before, but it had never been this harsh. The facts that they had been apart for so long until very recently and that Kili’s family’s survival now fully depended on him desiring Kili only made things more painful.

“I’ll go to bed now. Call Bofur or Bifur when you are ready for bed.”

There was nothing Kili could do but watch Thorin sweep out of the room. He almost followed him to beg him to change his mind, longing to be taken by him again. However, Thorin’s words stopped him. Bofur and Bifur would still be awake until their master had slept. Kili was desperate enough to take the risk of being found, but he understood that Thorin was far more reluctant, having more to lose than Kili did. Sighing heavily, Kili called Bofur to inform him that he was retiring to bed and went to his room. His arousal had fully diminished by the time he slipped into his too-large bed. He caressed the empty spot around him, wishing he had Thorin there to fill it. Kili closed his eyes and curled up, staring bleakly at the near darkness in his room. He felt as lonely as the mountain he was confined in.

Chapter Text

Kili woke up on time the next day, not wanting to miss any opportunity to be with Thorin. He knew he wouldn’t have much time as Thorin’s work took precedence and with Bofur and Bifur nearby, it wasn’t possible to do more than talking. Kili could be subtle, but he didn’t want to risk Thorin’s reputation. Further, if Thorin didn’t want to engage in promiscuity where he could be seen, then Kili must obey that, though he wondered how exactly he planned to do it then.

Smiling brightly, Kili took his seat near Thorin during breakfast. Though Thorin was smiling back, Kili noticed that he tensed up slightly—understandable since Bofur was standing nearby, always alert to serve them. So, Kili made sure to be at his best behavior, making polite conversations and jokes. After a while, he was pleased to note that Thorin’s smiles were less strained and he began to contribute to the conversation. It would be tricky to draw Thorin to his bed when they were so closely watched, so Kili tried to at least keep Thorin’s opinion of him favorable until he found an opportunity to proposition Thorin. It seemed that the job he was expected to perform here wasn’t to regularly pleasure Thorin as he had done in Ered Luin, but to wait for Thorin’s command as to when and where they would do it. It was rather worrying—what if Thorin lost his interest after a prolonged abstinence?—but Kili couldn’t argue. He was only here to obey commands, after all.

“What are you and Ori going to do today?” Kili asked as he shoveled a spoonful of heavenly soup into his mouth. He paused, remembering his manners. It didn’t come naturally to him, having spent most of his life among the ill-mannered, but now that he was in Erebor he must improve himself as to not bring shame to Thorin.

“Ori isn’t coming today,” Thorin replied, seemingly unconcerned by Kili’s bad manners. “Twice a week I inspect my workers. I will go to my forge and some of my shops today.”

Kili immediately perked up. Being out of the house meant escaping Bofur and Bifur’s watchful eyes. They wouldn’t be alone—from what Kili had seen of Erebor it seemed a very busy mountain kingdom that offered little privacy—but it was still a chance Kili couldn’t miss. The thought of intimacy in public places made him nervous. He still remembered that Thorin said it wasn’t his preference, but as he had seen for himself, when aroused, Thorin wouldn’t hesitate to act on his desire regardless of location. Besides, surely there were secluded spots in this large mountain kingdom if one was determined enough to look, and Kili was quite determined regardless of his nervousness.

“May I come with you?” Kili asked hurriedly. He smiled disarmingly when Thorin looked at him in surprise. “I want to see your business and I haven’t seen much of Erebor.”

“My business isn’t that exciting. If you want to see Erebor, you can have Bofur or Bifur accompany you.”

Kili shook his head. “I still remember what you told me about your forges and shops. They sound very interesting!” he insisted. “I’ve also always wanted to see how jewelries are made!”

“I’m under the impression that you’re not too fond of jewelries,” Thorin said, raising an eyebrow.

It was true that Kili had little interest in jewelries. He understood their beauty, but unlike most dwarfs he had little desire for them and only wore a hair clasp to hold back his hair. After his father took up gambling, he was even less interested, associating anything of significant value with pain and humiliation, but he mustn’t let Thorin know that. “I like looking at them. It’s just that there aren’t many jewelry shops in Ered Luin,” Kili said with a shrug. Even if there were, Kili’s family wouldn’t be able to afford them, but this went unsaid. He was sure Thorin understood.

Thorin thought about it for a moment. “Very well,” he finally agreed with a nod.

Kili grinned widely in victory. He would rather spend time with Thorin in privacy, but this was just as good. Perhaps a change of scenery and a reminder of what they used to do would do the trick and regain Thorin’s interest. After two fruitless days, Kili was finally making progress, small though it was. He couldn’t let his family down.

Kili could barely contain his excitement. He waited by the front door while Thorin prepared himself for the inspection. The sight of him bouncing off the balls of his feet near the door made Thorin laugh, but Kili wasn’t offended. He merely grinned when Thorin led him out of the house and into Erebor. He barely noticed when the guards outside the door bowed to Thorin and him. There was only one thing in his mind: he must draw Thorin to his bed tonight.

Erebor was as Kili remembered from what little he saw of it on the day of his arrival. Green marble shone under the orange glow of torchlight and tall statues of dwarf heroes peered down at people below. The lack of sunlight and wind was still a tad confusing for Kili, who had spent very little time under the earth. Without the guidance of the sky, he felt a little disoriented. He closely followed Thorin, who clearly knew where he was going and confidently walk to a direction Kili couldn’t even tell. He was grateful that his room in Thorin’s house had a large window so that he could tell time and directions. Here, he felt lost, every step taken seemed to bring him to where he started. They weren’t moving in circles, however. Not too long after they left Thorin’s house (Kili couldn’t quite tell the time), they reached what seemed to be the equivalent of a city center. There was a large statue of a dwarf in the middle of the large hall that Kili quickly recognized as Durin the Deathless. Around it, dwarfs mingled. There were children running, friends talking in street, and busy workers walking briskly to their destinations. Somewhere someone was playing a fiddle, the beautiful music bouncing off the marble walls to reach every corner of the area. There were shops scattered around the area, establishments carved into marble, but unlike in Ered Luin, there was no merchant loudly promoting their goods and inviting people in, giving the impression that these were high-end establishments with regular exclusive clientele. There was a cheer coming out of one of these establishments that Kili assumed to be a tavern. He smiled. Some things were the same no matter where on Middle Earth.

There were also guards, heavily armored dwarfs with beautiful axes and swords. They eyed Kili in suspicion, following him with their eyes as he walked by Thorin’s side. Kili was suddenly too conscious of his appearance. His clothes were made of durable but uncomfortable fabric and instead of jewelries and ornaments, he had patches over torn cloth. In Ered Luin, he didn’t look too out of place, but here in Erebor, he stood out–and not at all in a good way. Kili slowed down, creating a distance between him and Thorin. Not only did he feel unworthy, he was worried about what people might assume about him. If he were lucky, they might only assume he was a beggar, but if not (and Kili was very rarely every lucky) they might suspect he was a thief. Dwarfs weren’t kind to thieves.

Kili tried to make himself inconspicuous, avoiding people’s curious and suspicious gazes as he walked a few steps behind Thorin. He thought of passing himself as a servant but even Bofur and Bifur were better dressed than he was. He was in no way equal to anyone here, least of all Thorin, who he noticed was regarded by many with admiration. With his beautiful outfit and jewelries, as well as regal bearing, he was the complete opposite of Kili. Kili never thought of himself an equal to Thorin, but this truth was never clearer than this moment.

It was a relief when they finally arrived at Thorin’s jewelry store. Kili hurriedly follow Thorin inside—floundering would just bring suspicion—and sighed when the door closed behind him, hiding them from the judgmental eyes of Erebor. His relief and concern dissipated immediately, however, as he took in the sight before him. Kili had never been to a jewelry store. His experience with it was limited to standing outside the store, trying to look inside through the windows, and he never had more than a glimpse of the goods within it. Now, in front of him, protected by glass were gold necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings, and beads with the most beautiful and intricate designs he had ever seen. Precious gold glittered warmly, invitingly. Colorful precious stones glimmered under warm light placed strategically to show the best angles of these stones. The breathtaking beauty so captivated Kili that he barely noticed being introduced to an elderly dwarf.

“Oh! Kili, at your service!” he quickly said when he realized Thorin’s amused look. He bowed deeply to the elderly dwarf.

“Balin, at yours,” the dwarf said with similar amusement. “Do you like these jewelries, Kili?”

Kili nodded quickly in awe. “They’re very beautiful!”

“We have even more beautiful things at the back,” Balin said with a wink. “Would you like to see them?”

Kili looked at Thorin, asking for his permission. In reply, Thorin raised an eyebrow and nodded. Kili grinned. “Of course!”

Though the back of the store—the workshop, apparently—was less glamorous, it was infinitely more interesting. Workers were sat at their desks, peering closely at jewelries, seeking out imperfections and removing them carefully. One dwarf carefully put tiny pieces of diamonds and rubies in a finely made necklace. His hands were so steady and he moved so little that Kili initially thought he was a statue. In a separate room, there were a couple of dwarfs hunching over sheets of papers. They tilted their heads to the side every now and then to inspect their designs and so absorbed they were in the task that they barely glanced up when Thorin and Balin came to observe them. In the furthest part of the shop was a room where they melt precious metal to mold them into beautiful shapes. Kili watched the workers in fascination as they turned gold into liquid then back to its solid form again. He recognized the technique as rather similar to the one employed in the forge, but there was delicacy here where in the forge strength was required, although both techniques produced beautiful object—just beautiful in different ways.

“I have something to discuss with Balin. You may look around if you like,” Thorin said. Kili was so absorbed by the sight before him, however, and barely realizes that he had spoken until Thorin touched his shoulder.

“What?” Kili asked in confusion.

“I said I’ll be talking with Balin. You may look around in the meantime,” Thorin repeated.

“All right!” Kili said happily.

Thorin smiled and patted his shoulder. “I won’t be long.”

Kili merely nodded absently, already watching the workers again. He observed them work with great care. When he had his fill of their craft, he wandered to other rooms, peering from behind the employees’ back. Their steady hands as they handled fine jewelries hypnotized him. He had never seen anything of the sort in Ered Luin. There, no jewelry shop sold jewelries this beautiful and ornate. Once Kili had thought that the wealthiest dwarfs in Ered Luin had the most stunning pieces of jewelries, but now he saw that those were nothing compared with that Thorin’s workers were producing here. Kili watched with wide eyes as a dwarf polished and cut a large precious stone which glimmered with every shade of the rainbow. He didn’t know what stone that was, but it was the most beautiful thing Kili had ever seen.

The delicate process was done carefully but with clear degree of expertise. The stone was cut to display its clarity and make it shine under light. Kili nearly gasped when the worker lifted it to see it under better light, causing the stone to shine even brighter. Once satisfied, he sent it to another worker who carefully fitted the stone into a gold necklace. Compared with the other things Kili had seen, the necklace was relatively simple, but he thought it was quite appropriate for the stone it was holding. It was already very beautiful. There was no need to add any more complicated design to it. Kili admired it from behind the worker, scarcely breathing for fear of ruining the worker’s concentration. He didn’t fully know how to appreciate things of great value, but he knew beauty when he saw it. The necklace was such a beautiful piece. It would be a great pity to cause damage on it no matter how slight.

Engrossed as he was by the sight before him, Kili didn’t realize how much time had passed. He was startled when someone clasped his shoulder. The survival instinct he had honed by traveling with Nori led him to reach to his waist for a weapon. He stopped, however, when he saw that it was only Thorin and he realized he carried no sword with him.

Thorin looked over Kili’s shoulder to see what had captured his attention so and smiled when he saw the necklace. “Beautiful, isn’t it? The stone is one of a kind. No other dwarf has anything like it,” he said, staring at the glimmering stone with awe.

“It is beautiful,” Kili agreed. “One of a kind, you said? How did you get it, then?”

“It was found here in Erebor last year. No one knows what it is, but everyone does recognize its beauty. It was presented to the king and we’ve been commissioned to make jewelry from it.”

Kili’s eyes widened. “This is the king’s commission?” When Thorin nodded, he looked at the necklace again in amazement. He knew that Thorin was a successful businessman, but he never knew that he was so successful that his service was called by the dwarf king himself!

“It’s a privilege to work for the king and to handle such beautiful stone,” Thorin said, sighing quietly as he gazed at the necklace.

Kili nodded. He couldn’t agree more. He understood the importance of being trusted for this task by the king and he certainly could appreciate the beauty of the stone. For years Kili had only thought of his family, particularly his father, with shame. Poverty could be understood, but what had brought them to that state and kept them there could not. Aside from Fili, who tirelessly work an honest job for their sake, Kili didn’t think there was much to be proud of from his family. Yet now he saw that Thorin, his own uncle, was recognized by the dwarf king of Middle Earth. How many dwarfs in Middle Earth could speak of receiving such honor? For the first time in his life, Kili was proud of his family.

“Are you ready to go? We still have a few other shops to visit,” Thorin asked.

Although reluctant to leave such a beautiful sight, Kili nodded. They said their goodbyes to Balin, who invited Kili to come again anytime, and soon they were on their way again. They went to various parts of Erebor to visit Thorin’s stores (thankfully, without encountering any problem as the guards were still wary of Kili). Although it was difficult to measure, Kili estimated they had covered nearly the same area as Ered Luin, and they were still far from finished! Kili stared in amazement as they went from one store to another for what seemed to be hours. He didn’t usually like these trips, but this time the beautiful objects displayed in the stores completely captivated him. The weapons and other trinkets produced and sold at Thorin’s stores were captivating, having quality Kili had never before seen. However, he was surprisingly most draw to the jewelries.

No two things are the same and each piece of jewelry seemed to be prettier than the last, although nothing could defeat the beautiful stone he saw in Balin’s store. Nevertheless, the other stores carried some of the most beautiful and delicate pieces Kili had ever seen. He even started to be able to tell which ones were high quality and which were simply adequate. Thorin’s stores, as far as he could tell by peering at other jewelry stores, carried the best items. That’s not surprising, considering the king commissioned jewelry from him. Kili looked in awe at the dwarf walking in front of him. After the life of poverty and humiliation he had endured and gotten used to, it was difficult to believe that he was related to such a successful and respectable dwarf.

Erebor was still a maze to Kili, so it took him a moment to realize they weren’t going to visit any more store. Though there were still numerous stores on the way, they mostly sold practical items. The number of taverns they passed also increased, all of them full of tired and hungry customers. The clothing worn by people they passed now looked a little worn, though still beautiful to Kili, and many of them carried bags and chests. This didn’t seem to be a place for one of Thorin’s stores. Kili ran a little to catch up with Thorin after making sure no one was paying any attention to him.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“I didn’t think you’d notice,” Thorin replied, sounding impressed. “You’ll see.”

Now, Kili might be a stranger to Erebor still and the lack of visible sun confused his sense of direction, but he had decent memory and sense of navigation. Once he realized that they weren’t going to Thorin’s stores anymore, it only took him a while to recognize the way to Thorin’s stable. He had passed it just a couple of days ago with Nori, although at that time he hadn’t paid much attention to the street as he had been anxious to meet Thorin. Now that he knew where they were going, he could barely contain his excitement, following Thorin closely without regard of what people might think. Minty had become a good companion while they were travelling and Kili looked forward to seeing her again.

The workers at the stable bowed to Thorin when he arrived. Some of them glanced curiously at Kili but they ignored him, focusing instead on their employer. From their conversation, Kili surmised that Thorin didn’t go to the stable often, so they insisted on showing him how they had taken good care of his ponies and carriages, the deliveries they were currently expecting and preparing for, and the security measures they had devised to transport goods safely. Kili followed Thorin faithfully as a dwarf led them around while explaining what they saw. Kili tried not to appear too restless. He couldn’t remember which stall he had left Minty in, so he checked each one that he passed. The ponies there looked very well-cared for, their hairs brushed until they shone, and in one corner, he saw a small mountain of hay. The stable was much better than anything his family in Ered Luin could provide even when their situation was easier. He was happy he had left Minty there and felt content that the horse gifted to him by his brother as a farewell gift would be all right.

“Where do you keep my nephew’s pony?” Thorin finally asked after the lengthy tour of the stable.

The employee looked at Kili in surprise, but Kili wasn’t offended. Instead, he offered the dwarf a disarming grin. The dwarf took it in stride and showed Thorin and Kili the stall. When Thorin dismissed him, he not only bowed to Thorin but Kili as well, something which Kili would find amusing and a little embarrassing if not for the fact that he was distracted by Minty.

Despite having been left for days and spoiled to death, the pony still remembered Kili. She approached Kili and gently nudged him with her head, asking him to pet her. Kili laughed and obliged, much to Minty’s delight. He ran his hand across her body, noting and admiring how she had changed. She might be a worker horse, but the road hadn’t precisely been kind to her. Particularly during their travel through Mirkwood, she had lost quite a significant amount of weight. Kili was happy to know that she had started to regain her weight. In fact, if she was left here for a few days more, she might gain more than what she had lost!

“She’s a beautiful pony,” Thorin commented.

“She is,” Kili agreed, smiling. “Very strong and resilient, too! At home, she helped Fili deliver people’s goods to the market. She could carry a significant amount of weight! She never complained, even on the road here from Ered Luin! No wonder Fili gave her to me!”

“She’s not yours?” Thorin asked. When Kili shook his head, he asked again, “don’t you have a pony of your own?”

Kili thought of the pony they had sold a mere month before Northri’s return. He looked away and nodded. “I did, but we sold it. We don’t need two ponies,” he lied. The dwarfs he had been with might know that he had been with many others, but they usually didn’t like to hear it confirmed. Especially now that Thorin was Kili’s master, he didn’t think it wise to mention others who had come for him in Ered Luin. Dwarfs were a jealous race, after all.

“I’ll send some gold for Fili to purchase a new pony,” Thorin suddenly said.

Kili turned toward him in surprise. “You don’t have to! You’ve given us more than enough!” he protested, thinking of Nori’s comment of how Thorin’s offer far exceeded Vilir’s expectations. “I’m sure they can buy one from what you’ve agreed to send them!”

However, Thorin shook his head. “I’d rather have that go to your family’s daily necessities.”

“But…”

“Kili,” Thorin stopped him firmly before he spoke any further. “Fili is my nephew, too. This is not trouble at all.”

After seeing Thorin’s stores, Kili had no doubt that, indeed, this was no trouble at all for Thorin. What was the price of a pony for someone who owned many successful stores in a kingdom as rich as Erebor? Further, Kili couldn’t deny that having a new pony would help Fili tremendously in supporting their family. While it was possible to buy one using the gold Thorin would from now on send Kili’s family regularly, Kili knew that most of that gold would disappear in the gambling house. This gift would be a great help, but Kili couldn’t help but feel his family didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t even worth the promised gold, let alone additional gifts. However, Thorin was clearly adamant and Kili knew him well enough to not try to change his mind when he was in this state. This only left him one thing to do: he must make it so that he was worth the gold for Fili.

Kili strained his ears. Thorin had dismissed his employees but it never hurt to check. There were footsteps but they were far and the only other sounds came from the ponies in other stalls. Kili looked around the stall, frowning. This was far from an ideal place for seduction, but it was the closest to privacy that they could have in short notice (Kili was afraid that if he waited until they both returned to Thorin’s home, he would lose any opportunity for privacy whatsoever). Certain (or at least as certain as he could be) that they wouldn’t be disturbed, Kili lifted his chin and stepped closer to Thorin.

“You’re very generous,” he said, smiling.

“I’ve told you it’s…”

Thorin stopped when Kili crossed the small distance between them with a wide step and pressed himself close to him. His eyes widened slightly as Kili ran his hand down his torso until his fingers stopped just above his breeches. Both of them breathed loudly and unevenly. Kili closed his eyes briefly, savoring the nearness, the warmth, the mere presence of Thorin. He wished the reacquainting of their bodies could take place in a more private setting where they could note the little differences time had made and see each other anew without fear of being discovered, but this would have to do. Kili opened his eyes, smiled and cupped Thorin through his breeches.

A startled gasp escaped Thorin’s mouth. Kili ignored it as he coaxed him to full hardness. He leaned close enough to brush his nose against the rapidly beating pulse point on Thorin’s neck, teasing him with gentle breaths. He longed to kiss Thorin’s skin and taste him as he used to, but he wasn’t sure it was welcomed. Instead, he pumped the hardening length, rolled the heavy stones, and teased the flared tip until the fabric between them was tented. Glancing up, Kili saw that Thorin had closed his eyes. Kili would have thought it was due to lack of interest if he wasn’t holding in his hand the proof of Thorin’s ardor and recognized his signs of mounting desire. As a test, he brushed his lips very lightly against Thorin’s neck, earning a shuddering moan that was unmistakably his name. Kili smiled, pleased to hear his name spoken in such a way. He longed to hear it spoken again when Thorin took his pleasure from him, used him as he had in the past. Carefully, he pushed Thorin toward a wall so that he could lean on something while Kili brought him off.

The moment Thorin’s back hit the wall, Kili tightened his grip, drawing a groan from Thorin. His hips jerked forward sharply into Kili’s teasing grasp. Under the soft fabric, his cock leapt eagerly, betraying his interest. Kili licked his lip as a need grew inside him in the form of emptiness only Thorin’s girth could fill. He whined at the thought of being pinned against a wall, helpless as Thorin took him with slow but firm thrusts that rattled his soul, pleasuring him in a way no other dwarf had, could, or would. If only they didn’t have to worry about being found Kili would gladly let Thorin do that, claim him until Kili begged for mercy, until his legs failed and he was sore, but so very, very sated. Kili brushed the tip of his nose against Thorin’s pulse point, a poor substitute for the kiss he craved, and sank down to his knees.

Without looking up, Kili could tell that Thorin hadn’t anticipated this. Fearing he would be stopped, he quickly mouthed Thorin through his breeches, his damp warm mouth teasing the impressive girth. Kili nuzzled and kissed, loving how the cock grew thicker in his hand and how Thorin’s musk became stronger by the second. He moaned quietly as his own erection throbbed in needs. He could reach down to stroke himself as he pleasured Thorin, but this wasn’t about him. Kili stopped, pulled away a little, and looked up at Thorin. The sight made his heart swell. The flush of desire on Thorin’s pale skin, the evidence of lust in his ragged breathing were as gorgeous as he remembered. When Thorin finally cracked his eyes open to see him, Kili smiled and closed his mouth over the wet tip.

The hoarse cry that Thorin let out made Kili’s cock throb. He moaned quietly and shuffled closer to better pleasure Thorin through the fabric of his breeches. He sucked on Thorin’s shaft lightly, leaving damp patches on the silk, and he could feel the cock twitch with desire under his lips. Smiling shakily, Kili brushed his lips up the length and then focused his attention on the flared tip, kissing it wetly and hungrily, trying to taste the early seed that no doubt was spilling heavily from the tiny slit now. He moaned quietly when he recalled nights of teasing Thorin by engulfing just the head of his cock in his mouth and running his tongue over the tip to draw his seed and his beautiful voice. They couldn’t do that now, however, so Kili settled with pumping Thorin, knowing that the sensation of soft silk on heated sensitive cock would drive him mad.

True enough, a choked groan escaped Thorin’s lips. He bucked his hips forward sharply and then his shaking hand found Kili’s head. Trembling but sure fingers combed Kili’s hair briefly before Thorin held him in place to better pleasure him with his mouth and hand. Thorin’s breathing grew ragged and it was clear to Kili from the way his fingers dug onto his scalp and his hips pushed forward, that he was slowly nearing release. As a response, Kili pressed closer, all but burying his face in Thorin’s pelvis and moaning quietly as he waited for his Master’s seed.

“Mister Thorin?” someone called out suddenly from outside the stall.

Kili jerked back in surprise. Looking up quickly, he saw that Thorin’s eyes had widened. Ashamed and terrified, Kili hastened to his feet and stepped away from Thorin. Minty provided an excuse and he brushed her while willing his body to calm down, a feat made easy by the prospect of being caught pleasuring his own uncle. A look at Thorin showed that he, too, was trying to calm himself, taking deep breaths as his hands clenched and unclenched on either side of him—he had been so close to coming. His tunic had been arranged to hide his erection, but the lust in his eyes were still visible. Kili looked away. The thought of swallowing the bitter seed sent an unhelpful sparks of desire throughout his burning body. He wanted. He needed. But, he mustn’t.

“Mr. Thorin? I heard some noises. Is everything all right?” A dwarf appeared in front of the stall, looking at Thorin in worry.

Thorin cleared his throat and nodded. “Yes. I was only talking with my nephew.” He glanced at Kili and though it was brief, Kili knew him enough to recognize that his desire hadn’t fully faded.

Kili barely listened as Thorin conversed with his employee. It had been so close. He almost had Thorin—or rather let Thorin have him. Arousal and shame battled inside him. It had been so long since the last time they had been together that Kili had forgotten how it felt to be genuinely eager. None of the dwarfs before and after Thorin had cared or managed to draw such desire from him. What they saw were only acts, although they liked to believe otherwise. However, there had been no pretense this time. Kili had been eager—even almost desperate—for Thorin that he had forgotten where they were, almost getting Thorin into trouble. He had to be more careful. Though unspoken, his task was more than to provide pleasure, but also to hide the fact that he provided said pleasure.

Fear of being terrible consequences of discovery finally convinced Kili’s body to behave. He brushed Minty and petted her as he waited for Thorin to finish talking to the employee. When Thorin finally announced that they would return home, Kili followed him quietly, trying not to draw suspicion from Thorin’s employees when they passed them by. Tension still lingered between them, however. Although Kili couldn’t see Thorin’s face, he could see the rigidity of Thorin’s posture, nervousness stiffening him. Kili kept his distance from him and walked with bowed head, feeling guilty. They had been so very close to being discovered and it was his fault. Why hadn’t he been more careful? He should’ve known better than to risk anything when Thorin’s employees were nearby.

“Take your pony for a ride,” Thorin suddenly said. He looked over his shoulder at Kili and smiled stiffly. “There’s a nice field nearby—I’m sure you saw it on your way here—she will love some fresh grass once in a while.”

In truth, Kili would love to have a change of scenery. Living confined inside a mountain was still strange to him. He missed walking on fields and through forests, listening to birds and the humming bees. At the very least, he would like to see Erebor beyond Thorin’s lovely house. If this was to be his new home for indeterminate time, he should know it better. However, Kili hesitated. “I’d love to, but perhaps it’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” Thorin asked, frowning.

There were many reasons why, chiefly of which was that Kili wasn’t brought to Erebor to amuse himself, but to please Thorin. However, this wasn’t an explanation he could give in public. Kili looked around them. Though they hadn’t reached crowded roads yet, there were people around them, some of them looking at him curiously. “People might think I steal her,” he joked instead.

Thorin frowned. “Why would they think that?”

Kili shrugged and vaguely gestured to himself. “I don’t seem to be able to afford a pony, do I?” he laughed.

Thorin stopped and turned toward Kili. “It doesn’t matter what people think. She’s yours,” he growled unhappily.

Such thing wasn’t an issue for a dwarf who didn’t look out of place in Erebor and only stood out for being wealthier than most. Kili wanted to explain to him his situation. However, he had long since aware that certain difficulties people like him faced were simply unfathomable for the wealthy. Thorin had been very understanding and he had seen and experienced in person what poverty had done to Kili and his family, but certain things still eluded him.

“It matters if people think I’ve stolen her,” Kili explained. “I could still get in trouble. No one ever liked getting in trouble with dwarf guards, especially over theft, or what they think is theft.” Kili grinned widely to disperse the darkening mood. “Is it time to go home? I’m quite hungry.”

Thorin studied him for a while, but then nodded. He led Kili back to his house, but this time instead of walking ahead of him, he walked beside Kili. He said nothing more and frowned at anyone who dared to look at Kili for too long. Whenever Kili slowed to walk behind him, he, too, would slow so that they always remained side by side. Knowing that Thorin cared this much for him brought warmth to Kili’s chest. No one had cared much for what people thought of him, always leaving him to pretend to not notice what people whispered behind his back. Even Fili protected him only by keeping quiet about their family affairs. It made Kili quite happy to see someone this kind to him, although he supposed such behavior was only to be expected from someone as good as Thorin. However, Kili was worried about getting Thorin in trouble. Dwarfs had quick temper and it sometimes only took the smallest offense to anger them. Right now, he could tell that Thorin wasn’t at the best of moods. Kili could not have Thorin fight with someone just because they rightly looked down upon him

Fortunately, the walk home was mercifully quick. Thorin took a different, less crowded route. There was less to see there, only long halls, closed doors, and steep stairs with little to no decoration except for the torches at the wall. Once in a while they met other dwarfs—miners and guards—but it was clear that this was nowhere near the bustling places of luxury Kili had seen earlier. The winding path in the dark confused Kili’s sense of orientation, so he followed Thorin closely, not wanting to be lost. He wanted to ask where they were currently, but Thorin’s deep frown kept him quiet. When they finally reached the familiar sight of Thorin’s house, Kili was relieved. The feeling was short-lived, as Thorin then spoke up.

“You’ll eat alone this evening. I’ll be having dinner in my office. I have works to finish,” he said briskly as he handed his coat to Bofur.

Disappointment filled Kili, who had been looking forward to spend time with him to discuss the sights they had seen, but there was nothing he could do. Thorin soon walked away, presumably to his office, without even giving him any chance to reply. When Bofur gave him a questioning look, Kili could only shrug. When he passed the door of Thorin’s office on his way to his room, he wanted to come in to try to improve Thorin’s mood, but he dared not enter without being invited, especially since Thorin explicitly indicated that he wished to be alone. That night he lay in his bed, his stomach full, but his hands empty. He had received difficult orders before, but nothing came close to the difficulty of staying away from Thorin. It wasn’t only about sleeping with him. Kili wanted—desperately—to be by his side, accompanying him in any way possible. However, there was nothing else for him to do. His master had given him order and so he must obey it.

Thorin’s mood only slightly improved in the next few days. He was no longer upset, but his frequent silence clearly indicated lingering foul mood. Bofur and Bifur treaded carefully around him, never speaking unless necessary and making doubly sure that they worked flawlessly. Though still sure that Thorin wouldn’t hurt him, Kili followed suit and made sure not to offend. Reluctantly, he temporarily ceased his attempts at seduction. It made him nervous to know that he had so far not been of any use to Thorin. He’d like to think that since this was due to Thorin’s choice to isolate himself, it would be all right. However, Kili couldn’t be entirely sure. Every day that passed without him proving his worth made him worry that Thorin would finally realize how he had wasted his gold. Even if Thorin didn’t send him back to the evil clutch of Kili’s father and his associates, Kili would still live with the heavy weight of guilt for being a burden to his kind uncle. He had to do something—anything! He had to serve some purpose for Thorin somehow!

After days of tension, a break finally came with a summon when Kili was pondering his purposes in his room. He came at once, almost running to the sitting room in his excitement. It was very unlikely that Thorin would demand his services in broad daylight and in public space, but Kili didn’t care. After only spending quiet mealtimes with him, he would seize any possibility for a change. Even a conversation would do. He just wanted to see Thorin’s gentle smiles and hear his kind voice again. In his excitement, he almost forgot that Bofur’s presence. Though the servant merely looked amused by his enthusiasm, Kili slowed down, not wanting to risk any chance of making people wonder about the nature of their relation.

Kili paused when he saw Dori in the sitting room. Confused, he approached Thorin. “You asked for me?”

Thorin nodded and gestured to the table in front of him where tall boxes were placed. “Your clothes,” he said simply, although there was a smug smirk on his lips.

Kili’s eyes widened. “But, it’s only been a few days and you ordered so many!”

Dori clicked his tongue. “Everything is possible with hard work, lad. Although, not all of your orders are finished yet. Some require more attention to details.” The last part he clearly directed to Thorin with much regret and even a hint of fear. It was apparent then that the orders were finished faster by Thorin’s demand. Kili wondered if he should apologize for the inconvenience. He could stand to wait for new clothes for a few more days.

“See what you have there,” Thorin said as he light up his pipe.

Not wanting to disobey even though he was uncomfortable, Kili began to open the boxes under Dori’s excited instructions. The first he found were half a dozen tunics and breeches of various colors and materials meant for different purposes. The silk ones had golden embroideries while the thicker ones were only decorated with his rune on the edges. All of them were soft to touch, made of only the best materials, and the embroideries were very fine. The coats that Kili found later were of similar quality. He ran his hand over supple leathers and could barely stop touching the furs lining some of them. Kili had never had coats with fur before. In winter, he would wear many layers of clothes and scarfs his mother made. Fur to him was to be sold in the market and to be worn by the rich. He was all amazement when Dori told him these were the furs of minks and wolves specially bought from distant corners of Middle Earth. To complete these, there were boots and gloves. Kili couldn’t help but stare at silver buckles and even more fur. He was almost scared to wear these, not wanting to get them dirty or ruining them, but Thorin made him try them, so he complied.

Kili took his new clothes to his room and changed into them to then be shown to Thorin. The clothes were all comfortable but Kili felt discomfited. These were outfits that should be worn by dwarfs as rich and respectable as Thorin, not him, a mere lowly whore. These were all made especially for him, but he still felt like an impostor, a poor dwarf masquerading as a wealthy one, a filthy whore pretending to be a respectable person. Kili wanted to wear his old clothes again, the familiar ones his mother had made for him, but Thorin demanded to see him wear every beautiful piece he had had made for him. Kili put himself under the intense scrutiny of his master while Dori made sure that everything fit him perfectly. Somehow this made Kili more nervous and self-conscious than when he first undressed himself before Thorin. It might seem strange that a shameful moment was better for him than the present time, when he was fully dressed and merely turning this way and that at Dori’s request, but at least at that time Kili was being honest about who he was and what use his father put him to. This moment he could not begin to describe. He had lied many times, but it felt to him that he was now being plunged into a life of deceits deeper than anything he had ever experienced previously.

But, he couldn’t refuse. Not when Thorin looked at him with delighted approval, the first positive emotion he had displayed in the past few days. Thorin liked seeing Kili this way, and how could he not? Even Kili must admit that he looked better in his new clothes than in his old ones. He wondered if Thorin had been rejecting his advances because Erebor reminded him of what beautiful dwarfs looked like. Ered Luin only had a fraction of what Erebor had. Kili’s unattractiveness hadn’t been so obvious there, but compared with the dwarfs of Erebor, it became glaring that Kili wasn’t so handsome after all. Perhaps Thorin had begun to regret his purchase. If so, maybe these clothes weren’t so bad at all, even if they made Kili felt quite uncomfortable.

“There, now! You look like a proper dwarf!” Dori exclaimed.

Kili laughed, even as he wondered how exactly dwarfs of Erebor thought of him before. He had seen suspicion, but now he thought there might have been ridicule and condescension. He couldn’t blame them–he hadn’t looked like a proper Erebor dwarf. “They’re all very beautiful! I like the blue ones especially!”

“Use light colored fur for the next coats. Bright colors look good on him,” Thorin suggested. He smiled approvingly at Kili while Dori made a note of this order. “But, yes, blue looks handsome on you, too.”

Kili preened under the praise. He couldn’t help it. He had seen desire in Thorin’s eyes and was even familiar with his gentle kindness, but he had never seen admiration. It was no wonder as Kili was nothing to be admired—his looks and his relations working against him. However, now Thorin was gazing at him as if he was a respectable dwarf—perhaps even an equal—and Kili couldn’t stop the swell of pride in his chest, even though he was aware that Thorin was only looking at an illusion. He let Dori scrutinized his works and made necessary notes to later adjust the ones still unfinished. Standing and turning a hundred times weren’t how he preferred to spend his time, but he would bear it if Thorin looked at him with approval, if Thorin smiled to him, if he made Thorin happy in some ways.

Finally, Dori left after declaring that he had made Kili’s clothes as perfect as they could be. He laughed in amusement when Kili thanked him repeatedly. It was probably unusual for him to receive such level of gratitude, but then Kili doubted that he had ever had a customer who had been wearing the same old clothes for nearly a decade. Thorin himself thanked Dori with far more calmness, as if he had just asked an ordinary favor. This, yet again, reminded Kili of who his master was. Thorin was nothing like the uncivilized criminals who had used him. He wouldn’t settle for a simple offer for sexual services. It seemed that Kili had made a mistake by assuming he could simply approach Thorin as he had in the past. If he was to serve Thorin in Erebor, he must first let him mold him into whatever he wished—a proper dwarf to properly desire. The clothes were the first step. Kili wondered what step came after. Impatience flickered in his chest. Now that he had finally succeeded in making Thorin a happy, he remembered they joy they had shared in Ered Luin those few short weeks. But, Kili forced himself to wait to see what Thorin now wanted.

“I want to show you something,” Thorin announced as soon as Dori was gone.

Curious, Kili followed Thorin. He had expected to be led to his office and was confused when they passed the room without stopping. The confusion turned into astonishment then into joy when they passed even Kili’s room. He was being led, he realized, to the room whose location had been concealed from him: Thorin’s own room. Excitement and hope bubbled inside Kili. It seemed a little sudden, but perhaps Dori’s clothes had potent effect after all. Perhaps Thorin now finally desired him! Kili tried not to get his hopes up, but it was difficult to do so when Thorin opened the door to his room. The sight of a bed—Thorin’s bed—made Kili’s breath catch and his heart swell. His memories of the kisses, embraces, and caresses Thorin had bestowed him had been eroded by time, but his longing for them grew stronger by day. He would like to renew the memories or make new ones. He would like to find that contentment and happiness again.

Kili’s heart raced as Thorin made him sit on a chair in front of a vanity. The mirror on it reflected himself and Thorin behind him, filling Kili’s mind with confusing thoughts. Now that they were dressed in similar fashion, he could see the similarities of their colorings and their features, reminders of his relation with Thorin. This wasn’t a stranger. This was his uncle. This was a disgusting arrangement and he was a deplorable dwarf for allowing this to happen and even wanting it to happen. Yet, when Kili looked into the reflection of his blue eyes, he couldn’t help the elation at the sight of the only dwarf, the only person in Middle Earth, who had ever made him happy. Thorin had treated him better than any person he had ever encountered in his young life and he had never felt more content than when he was near Thorin. The senses of wrong and right battled in Kili’s mind as he looked at Thorin through the mirror, waiting, hoping while feeling sick of himself for being in this position.

A flash of smile and Thorin disappeared from view, leaving Kili blinking at the reflection of the large room—bigger than his and more luxuriously decorated, although not as well-lit. Before he could worry, Thorin returned, this time to his side. He put a wooden box on the vanity and gave Kili a wicked look before opening the lid. Entranced by the rare mischief he saw, it took Kili a moment to pay proper attention to the content of the box, but when he did, he gasped in shock for before him there were gold and mithril jewelries, lavishly dotted with gemstones of various colors. There were rings, necklaces, hair clasps, beads, bracelets, and earrings so finely made that it seemed a wonder they didn’t break. If Kili had been impressed by the jewelries in Thorin’s store, he was now amazed by what he saw because they far surpassed those he had seen a few days ago.

With a small smile, Thorin picked up a small gold bead. “Look ahead,” he commanded.

Kili obeyed and was then treated with familiar hands caressing his messy hair. Thorin’s fingers sifted through the tresses for long moments, the tips stroking Kili’s scalp, before he picked up a comb. Carefully, diligently, he tamed Kili’s hair, making it soft and shiny as it cascaded down to below his shoulders. The motion was soothing, almost lulling, but Kili was very much alert, astounded by the intimacy of the gesture—dwarfs only tended the hair of those dearest to them. So, Thorin still cared for him, still trusted him, still… had compassion for him despite his rejections. Desire stirred within Kili and he glanced at the large bed, covered with the dark blue sheet and embroidered with gold threads. He wanted to believe that Thorin would take him to bed again, but why would he bother to do his hair if he did? Perhaps he just wanted to make Kili look the way he liked? It was difficult to tell. Thorin’s face gave nothing away except for concentration on his task. Kili took a deep breath and tried to keep quiet, not wanting to disrupt whatever mood Thorin was in.

Two small braids were made at the back of Kili’s head. He couldn’t see them, but he closely observed Thorin as he worked and knew he picked up two beads. Once satisfied with them, Thorin carefully gathered some hair from either side of Kili’s head and draw it back. He then picked up a hair clasp (mithril, Kili recognized with a jolt) to hold the hair neatly. He made sure that it held fast and then surveyed his work on the mirror. Pleased with what he saw, he smiled and nodded.

“These used to belong to my brother. I’d rather have you wear them than let them sit unused in the box,” Thorin explained.

“Brother?” Kili wondered in surprise.

Thorin nodded, looking at him curiously. “Your mother has never told you?”

“No, or if she has, then I can’t remember.”

“Well,” Thorin said after a pause. “I can understand. My brother, Frerin, died young due to sickness, when your mother was barely a child. Perhaps she doesn’t remember him well.”

Kili considered his next question carefully, noticing the grief in Thorin’s voice. “What was he like?” he ventured.

Thorin sighed heavily. “The sweetest lad ever was. My parents had quite a soft spot for him, as you can see.” He gestured to the box and chuckled. “He wasn’t even old enough to fully appreciate what was given to him.”

“He must have been very good if your parents loved him this much,” Kili said, smiling.

“He was,” Thorin agreed and took a deep breath. “I always thought it was a pity that these jewelries should go unused. My parents couldn’t bear to part from them after he passed, I couldn’t bring myself to wear them, and I suppose your mother didn’t like them. For decades, they were kept in this box, but now they can finally be worn.” He smiled warmly to Kili, putting his large hands on his shoulders. “You look like a prince,” he said almost in awe.

Kili couldn’t tell—he had never seen a prince. Maybe Thorin was right, maybe he did look like a prince, but appearance didn’t matter much to him. Even being a prince didn’t mean much to him. “I would rather be your servant,” he admitted.

Thorin stared at him through the mirror, his grip on Kili’s shoulders tightening. For a moment, Kili fancied he could see passion amid his surprise and he held his breath, waiting. But, Thorin only squeezed his shoulders again and drew away. “Come. I want to show you Dale,” he ordered, a slight smile upon his lips.

Disappointment was heavy in Kili’s stomach. He wanted to argue and persuade Thorin just as he had persuaded him that first night in Ered Luin. But, this wasn’t Ered Luin, this was Erebor, and things had changed so much from the way it had been. Hiding his dejection behind a brilliant smile, Kili nodded. This pleased Thorin, who immediately led the way out of the room. So immediate, in fact, that it almost seemed as if he wanted to get away from it as soon as possible. Kili threw one last longing gaze to the bed and followed him.

It occurred to Kili then that rather than showing Erebor and Dale to him, he was being shown to Erebor and Dale. Kili drew barely any suspicious glance, but he noticed many curious and admiring looks directed to his and Thorin’s way every now and then. This was the objective. This was showing off one’s expensive purchase for others to admire and be envious about. Kili thought there wasn’t much to admire about himself (although plenty about what was put on him) and was weary of those who envy what Thorin had. This was a strange role to play, this role of being something coveted, but Kili tried to appear certain of himself. Confidence was, after all, the key of every con. He tried to imitate Thorin’s gait, although he felt he lacked Thorin’s inherent grace. The trick seemed to work quite well as the previous wary guards no longer watched him, but Kili was still relieved when they arrived at the stable. He and Thorin soon made their ways out of Erebor on their ponies and Kili was treated to the world beyond his new home.

Dale was quite different from Erebor, and consequently different from Ered Luin. Kili was used to elves and Man who visited Ered Luin, but he had never seen elves, human, and dwarfs living together in one city before. While Erebor was clearly designed to accommodate the dwarf race, Dale was built to be the home of all races. The buildings had tall ceilings that would allow the tallest elves and men to stand under it without hunching their backs, yet everything was made sturdy and with support for the more compact stature of dwarfs. The shops offered goods and services for everyone, some of which Kili had never seen before. He stopped almost every few steps to take in his surroundings, learning more about the world with wide-eyed wonder. Fortunately for him Thorin found this amusing and patiently allowed him the pauses, even kindly explaining some things Kili was curious about.

After a stop at a garden (a garden! Neither Ered Luin nor Erebor had that!), they finally arrived at Thorin’s store. Just as the one Kili had seen in Erebor, this was also a jewelry store. However, the goods were more varied. There were more solid jewelries for dwarfs, delicate ones for elves, and simpler ones for Man. Unlike in Erebor, there was no mithril jewelry here, but it didn’t mean the jewelries weren’t beautiful. Clever lighting made every gemstone sparkle beautifully, displaying the precise cuts of Thorin’s expert workers. There was no workshop here, but there were so many fascinating things to see that Kili hardly felt any disappointment.

While Thorin talked to his employees behind him, he inspected the jewelries before him. Surely, he thought, these were jewelries meant for kings and queens. Yet, the customers who came were only commoners, albeit wealthy ones. He watched in fascination as a flame-haired elf lady tried a few pieces of jewelries. She asked for something subtle as her occupation demanded her to not draw any attention and the storekeeper immediately presented her with a rich selection. If it were Kili, he wouldn’t know how to begin choosing what he wanted, but the lady seemed surer. She picked several pieces, tried them on, and looked at her reflection on a provided mirror. After trying several items, she settled on a hair accessory, a gold branch with dots of ambers and rubies that blended with her hair. Kili watched with amazement when she calmly put a small pouch of gold coin on the table and left.

How easily people spent money here! In any other place, one would think many times before spending half of the sum the lady had just paid for a small jewelry. A part of Kili which was used to a life of poverty was repulsed by the overindulgence he saw, but another part which was probably inherent in all dwarfs admired the wealth of the city. Kili frowned to himself. Just because he had gotten away from Ered Luin, from his father’s greed and his mother and brother’s suffering, it didn’t mean he should forget them. Dale and Erebor were rich and he was happy for its residents, but he couldn’t help but think their money could be better spent in other ways. It was perhaps difficult for them to see that since Kili hadn’t seen a single person in need since he arrived in Erebor, but there must be other ways to spend so many gold beside buying jewelries.

After he was finished in the store, Thorin took him to see the rest of Dale. It was so big that it might take more than a few days to see everything it had to offer. In fact, it had taken Kili almost all day to satisfy his curiosity about the market there. When he realized some shops were closing and people were starting to leave their workplaces, the sky was already turning red. He was sure the road back to Erebor was safe since there were so many guards in the area, but it was still a rather late hour to take the journey back home.

Kili turned to Thorin apologetically. “I’ve completely lost track of time! Should we go home now?”

To his surprise, Thorin shook his head. “No. We’ll stay in Dale tonight. If you like the view of it from your room, you’ll like it even better when you’re here.”

As the sky grew dark, Dale lit up. There were lights everywhere that when Kili looked up, he almost thought it was noon again. The market was now closed, but the taverns came to life, replacing the bustle of merchants and buyers with songs and laughter. There were so many of these establishments and all of them looked respectable. There seemed to be fights brewing in one or two of them, but that was to be expected when dwarfs were involved. Kili walked as if drunk, looking every which way, tempted by the taverns but unsure of which one to go to. Thorin, in the meantime, seemed to know where he was going, walking confidently with barely a glance at his surroundings. As he followed him, Kili idly wondered what sort of place Thorin considered worthy of his patronage. He imagined it must be a very reputable establishment, one which served the finest food and beverages that rivaled the delicious ones served daily at his house in Erebor. It was difficult for Kili to imagine that such place existed as Bombur’s cooking was the best he had ever known, but he supposed few wonders were impossible in Erebor and Dale.

Kili’s heart skipped a beat when he saw that he was being led to an inn. However, his budding hopes were quickly dashed when Thorin asked for two rooms instead of one to share. Before he could think to protest with the excuse that one room was enough, money had been exchanged and Thorin led him to an unoccupied table. Although disappointed, Kili smiled and nodded in agreement when Thorin ordered drinks and meals for them. The choice wasn’t his, he reminded himself. If Thorin decided to delay taking him to bed, then he should wait. His impatience and restlessness were secondary to Thorin’s happiness and desires. It didn’t matter that he was beginning to get worried about the worth of his purchase. It certainly didn’t matter that he longed for Thorin’s kisses and touches. If Thorin didn’t want him yet, then all he could do was wait.

“What do you think of Dale so far?”

Kili gave Thorin a bright smile that wasn’t entirely dishonest. “It’s different from Erebor and clearly very different from Ered Luin! I’ve never seen so many different people gathered in one city at a time! And the market! There were so many beautiful things that I didn’t know where to look!”

Thorin nodded, pleased with the answer. “It is very different. You’ll be hard-pressed to find another city like this in all of Middle Earth.”

“I believe that!”

“There is a small fishing town further down the river. It’s mostly Man and the occasional elves there, however. I’ll take you there one day.”

“Do you have the time? You’re a very busy dwarf,” Kili wondered.

“I can if I want to,” Thorin replied easily, puffing smoke of his pipe. “Since you like the market so much, we can go there again tomorrow before we return to Erebor, so you can buy some things for yourself.”

“But, I can’t afford them!” Kili laughed. “Those goods, they must be for lords and ladies, or at least the very wealthy. I’m just….” He shrugged, unable to say in public space that he was merely a whore.

“You are as good as any prince in Middle Earth.” Thorin nodded toward him, his eyes gleaming with pride as he took in Kili’s appearance. “How people looked at you with envy.”

Kili was torn between preening and squirming under the intense gaze. Thorin had bedecked Kili in valuable jewelries and beautiful clothes and wanted him to be admired, both by others and himself. However, what Thorin and other people saw was nothing but an illusion. There was no dwarf to admire here. The accessories and clothes on Kili, beautiful as they were, only hid the truth of an ordinary dwarf that was only exceptional in terms of the skills he had been forced to learn. Even Thorin, who knew the truth, didn’t see him, but rather an ideal dwarf that never existed. Kili had realized this since he put on his first new clothes for Thorin, but seeing and hearing Thorin’s admiration for the dwarf he was not still made his heart ached terribly.

“Well, I still can’t afford anything,” Kili said, shrugging in an attempt to look nonchalant.

Thorin shook his head. “I can.”

“You shouldn’t!” Kili hurried to say. “You’ve got me all these clothes and given me these jewelries! You’ve sent gold to Fili! You’ve given more than enough!”

“I only give you and your family bare necessities and those jewelries belonged to your uncle, so you have the rights over them, too,” Thorin retorted calmly. “You can buy any trinket you like tomorrow.”

Kili frowned and glanced around them. It seemed that no one was paying any attention to them, but still he was careful. He wasn’t used to so publicly displaying his perversion, but he couldn’t let Thorin spend even more on him when he hadn’t done anything for Thorin. He certainly couldn’t let Thorin regret bringing him here only to spend so much gold for him and gain nothing in return. There was too much at risk—he couldn’t protect Fili and Dis from Erebor. He was worth four hundred gold coins a year. He had to do something to make the purchase worth the expense.

“Only if you’d let me serve you,” Kili proposed. “You’ve done so much for me and my family. Let me do something for you in turn.”

Thorin stilled and in the light of the inn, Kili could see how his eyes darkened. There was desire there for him, lust that Kili had fanned and enjoyed many nights in Ered Luin. Kili’s heart beat faster when Thorin’s gaze drifted down from his face to assess him. He said Kili looked like a prince, but was a prince enough to tempt him? Kili wasn’t sure what to do to entice him. This covert seduction was entirely new to him, who was used to simply undressing to invite. A prince was a role he never played, whether in or out of bedroom, and he was worried he couldn’t do it well this moment when he needed it the most to work, when he wanted nothing more than to convince Thorin to take him to bed as he used to.

The moment lasted too long and yet not long enough, broken when their food was served. Kili averted his eyes shamefully, while Thorin nodded his thanks to the server. They sat in silence for a while, Kili playing with his plateful of roasted lamb while Thorin slowly and carefully put his smoking pipe away. When Kili dared to look up again, he found Thorin studying him. He was relieved to see that he hadn’t offended Thorin, but he also disappointedly noticed that the desire he had seen earlier was now gone.

“What do you think about my business?” Thorin asked.

“It’s very impressive,” Kili replied, unsure where the conversation was going.

“I notice you quite like the jewelries.”

“I do. I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as them.”

Thorin nodded at the compliment. “What do you think about working at my store?”

Kili’s eyes widened in surprise. “But, I know nothing about craftsmanship! I’ll just ruin your business!”

“I don’t intend to employ you as a craftsman,” Thorin said, chuckling in amusement. “I can use help transporting my goods from Erebor to Dale. You can do that, can’t you?” He smiled when Kili muttered his confirmation. “You can also learn other skills. I think you have a way with people. Perhaps you can work as a store attendant.”

Kili wondered if this was Thorin’s way of saying he knew how to seduce dwarfs to his bed. Kili never thought that he had a way with people at all (manners weren’t a skill). He never once pictured himself as a merchant, persuading people to buy his goods, although he sometimes imagined having Fili’s skills of manipulating metals to turn them into lethal and beautiful items. Realistically, however, his only experience was in helping his neighbors with manual labors. Transporting goods from Erebor and Dale indeed seemed like something he could do. Still, he hesitated. Hadn’t he been brought here to pleasure Thorin? Why was he suddenly offered an employment at his business?

Seeing his doubt, Thorin continued. “As you’ve noted earlier, I’m a rather busy dwarf. I’m rarely able to keep you company. I don’t want you to get bored, so I think this could be something to keep you occupied. Of course you’re allowed to refuse if you don’t want it or if you choose to occupy yourself with other things. There are many places in both Erebor and Dale you can go to, to entertain yourself.”

Kili wanted to say he didn’t mind waiting as long as he was near Thorin. He wanted to say he wanted to be near Thorin when he decided to put him to his intended use, when Thorin decided to have him again, whenever that was. He wanted to say he yearned for the bliss of being used by him. But, Kili then thought of the beautiful clothes and jewelries he was now wearing, the delicious food and wine before him, the comfortable room waiting for him in the mountain, the gold sent to Ered Luin because of him. Thorin had given so much and Kili hadn’t given him anything back. He didn’t know when Thorin would finally decide to take him again, when he would finally decide to spare his time for him. Kili couldn’t even think of doing nothing for him in the meantime or waste more of Thorin’s wealth by going to taverns and shops in Erebor. He wasn’t supposed to be idle and hadn’t he just said he wished to serve Thorin? If this was a way he could make his purchase worth the gold and efforts, then so be it.

“All right,” Kili finally agreed. “I’ll work for you.”

Thorin’s approving smile followed Kili throughout the night, telling him that he had pleased him. But, Kili’s heart was heavy with discontent when they finally retired to their rooms. He stared at the wall separating his room from Thorin’s. For the first time in his life, he wished he was a lowly whore. His life would be simpler, his purpose clearer. He could slip his way into Thorin’s bed again, so he could feel Thorin’s arms around him again. There would be none of this confusion, none of wondering if and when Thorin would want him again. But, no matter how he wished for Thorin,his bed was cold, his room empty but for himself. Kili closed his eyes and, long past midnight, dreamt a lonesome dream.

Chapter Text

Kili began working without delay. With his improved appearance, he was no longer worried of being mistaken for a thief when he left Thorin’s home alone. Thorin gave him no instruction and it was no wonder as the job was very simple. Kili loaded crates of goods onto a cart and then took the cart to Thorin’s shops in Dale. It required strength as many of the items were made of metals, but it didn’t require much skill, so Kili assume his new role with ease. When Thorin visited him on his first week of working, some of the workers were quite shocked to discover that their new friend was their employer’s nephew and tried to alleviate him of his duties. However, Kili declined their kindness, determined to be useful to Thorin in some way, even if said way wasn’t the service he thought would be requested from him. At his insistence, Kili also received no wage, claiming that he already had everything he could want in Thorin’s comfortable home. Although initially displeased, Thorin finally agreed to only give nothing more than a small weekly stipend for him to use in any way he wished. It went unused, however, and stored in a safe box to be sent to Ered Luin when Thorin gave his promised annual payment to Kili’s family.

Kili quickly settled into the new routine. Being a proper employee was new to him as he had only ever helped his neighbors in Ered Luin for small rewards on occasions. Now, he spent most of the day in Dale and returned to Erebor at dusk, where Thorin would be waiting for him with a lavish dinner and Kili would entertain him with what he had seen and heard in Dale. It was one of the benefits of the work, he supposed. Thorin was rather reserved and hardly ever got out, so if Kili were confined in his luxurious home, there would be nothing for him to say and thus no conversation between them. After all, he could only speak of his distant hometown so many times before it became boring, to say nothing of how most of Kili’s memories of Ered Luin were dark ones he’d rather not remember or tell Thorin. In contrast, the snippets of conversations he heard and the sights he saw in Dale amused Thorin, even making him laugh sometimes. Kili enjoyed seeing him more relaxed–he was often too serious for his own good. He collected and planned jokes during the lulls between his tasks and rushed home in the afternoon to tell them to Thorin and see how his face light up and his lips curved into a smile and then a laugh.

Kili only wished he could make Thorin happy in another way, but no matter how Kili hinted toward his purpose, Thorin had yet to take him to his bed. Many nights they spent speaking in private, long after Bofur had been sent away to sleep. However, Thorin always left Kili at his door with just a squeeze on his shoulder. Sometimes, Kili wanted to follow him to his room, but he wasn’t sure the initiative would be welcomed. The rules were different than in Ered Luin. Kili was no longer free to act and seduce now that he had been purchased and in Erebor secrecy must be more strictly maintained even in Thorin’s home. He could only wait and hope, much to his consternation.

The work Kili had been given provided temporarily diversion from his unfulfilled duty. Unloading the heavy goods was a simple yet taxing task. When resting, he would watch and talk with Thorin’s other employees. From them, Kili learnt to appraise the luxury items the shops sold. While beauty was a matter of taste, skill was more definite. From Thorin’s experienced shopkeepers and craftsmen, he learned how to tell the efforts and mastery that went into creating an item and how it would raise or lower its price. Watching the craftsmen at work, Kili was increasingly convinced that it wasn’t the right job for him. His hands were steady, long used to using the bow and arrows, but his patience was severely limited. The mere thought of spending hours sitting down and staring at a fine piece of precious metal or jewel frustrated him, although he didn’t mind watching the craftsmen at work. However, Kili could see himself welcoming customers, advising them on their purchase, and convincing them to not leave the store empty-handed. He observed the shopkeepers closely as they worked. Fashion wasn’t something Kili had any interest in, but he thought he could learn to like and appreciate craftsmanship in Thorin’s goods and then, of course, persuade others to buy them. Trade was not a profession Kili had ever considered, but now he was interested and increasingly wondered if he could be any good at it at all.

“You like watching people work, don’t you?”

Kili turned away from a craftsman who was carefully installing small diamonds in a beautiful necklace that glimmered not unlike water surface under the sun. He smiled when he saw Balin. The elderly dwarf had recently been appointed to supervise the store in Dale. Although neither he nor Thorin would confirm it, Kili had a suspicion that the reassignment was made for his benefit. It seemed that no matter how he told Thorin and strove to prove he needed no assistance, Thorin was still unconvinced. This resulted in conflicting feelings within Kili, for although he was endeared by Thorin’s goodness and attention, he was upset that his abilities weren’t trusted.

“I do! It’s incredible how skillful they are!” he exclaimed.

Balin chuckled. “Thorin employs only the best workers.”

“Excepting me!” Kili laughed.

“Lacking training and experience says nothing of your potentials. You have keen interest. That’s a good start,” Balin said, smiling kindly.

“I’m only thinking perhaps I can learn. Not to be a craftsman, of course. I don’t have the eye or the patience. Those are Fili’s fortes,” he laughed. “Oh, Fili is my brother.”

“You have a brother? Is there any other sibling?” Balin smiled wistfully when Kili denied it. “Dis used to want a big family,” he explained. Then, perhaps sensing Kili’s surprise and curiosity at his knowledge of his distant mother, he extended an offer. “Since you’re finished with your work, would you like to accompany me? It’s always nice to have company for tea.”

Kili didn’t like tea much, but couldn’t resist his curiosity. He followed Balin to his office, a finely decorated and well-organized room filled with papers and writing instruments instead of crafting tools. This might be where the business was run and success was achieved, but Kili had little desire to occupy the office. He belonged at the bottom, he thought, laboring until his bones ached or his senses strained. At most, he thought he could be a humble shopkeeper. Such position as the one Balin occupied only belonged to someone not only skillful and smart, but also respectable. While Kili believed every skill could be learned if given the time and he wouldn’t insult himself by saying he was daft, there was nothing he could do about his respectability. People here showed him deference only because of his relation with Thorin, but they didn’t know the truth. Kili had no doubt that if they knew what he had been subjected to by his father and why he was brought to Erebor, they wouldn’t give him much better treatment than the people of Ered Luin had.

Balin poured them both cups of tea, a fragrant drink with a faint earthy aroma. Despite having no taste of it, Kili took a sip of the hot liquid. Across from him, Balin looked like he was thoroughly enjoying it, but Kili could barely hide the unhappy curl of his lips. He put his cup down after only a small taste and reached for biscuits that Balin had served along with the tea. That, at least, tasted acceptable and washed the remaining taste of the tea out of his mouth.

“Nothing quite like a hot cup of tea after a hard day of work, is it?” Balin said pleasantly.

“Yes,” Kili lied, trying to hid his grimace.

Balin smiled knowingly and mercifully began his story. “I tutored your mother for a few years. She was a challenging student, although quite bright,” he chuckled. “She was rather wild. Her parents and Thorin couldn’t contain her.”

Kili thought of the dwarf he had left behind in Ered Luin. A long time ago, when he was little, when everything was all right and his father didn’t love himself more than his family, Dis had been the world to Kili. She had raised her children while Vilir worked until late in the evening. It had been from her that Kili learnt everything there was to know to survive. Most memorably, she had taught him and Fili swordsmanship when other poor dwarf children settled for using whatever heavy or sharp tool they had at their disposal. It had also been at her encouragement that he learnt archery and refined his skill rather than leaving it at mediocrity, only good enough to kill an animal. It hadn’t occurred to him then, but as he grew older, he realized she had raised them rather differently from other parents and perhaps had behaved in similarly unusual fashion among adults. That dwarf Kili could believe to be bright and wild. However, his more recent memory of her was of a shadow, quiet and isolated in the corner of a ruin she had once called home. Her tears had run dry a few years ago, but gloom still accompanied her. She had lost the fire of rebellion quite a while ago and Kili, too, had almost forgotten she had had it. The image of a wild young dwarf was to him as distant as where his mother was.

“She’s changed,” he said simply with a deceptive smile.

Balin nodded. “Time changes people. Parenthood does, too–or so I’ve been told. But, yes, she wanted a large family. I suppose she was quite lonely. Her father and brother were always busy and her mother was often too ill to keep her company.”

“Did she have no friend? Dori said she was quite popular.”

“Indeed, she was,” Balin confirmed. “She had many friends, but what she sought was family. I always thought she would marry young and even fancied having her as a sister-in-law. But, my brother is more likely to marry his axes than a dwarf and your mother met your father.”

Here Balin paused. His countenance changed minutely, but Kili noticed it. He remembered how Dori, too, had kept from talking about Vilir. He wondered if they had known or suspected the evil he was capable of doing, the cruelty he would inflict on his family for his own pleasures. Clearly, those who had known Dis in the past didn’t hold the memory of Vilir as dearly as they did Dis. “My mother said people disapproved of my father. That was why she ran from home–to be with him.”

“When her letter arrived a few years ago, we were surprised. We thought we have lost her forever,” Balin said quietly after a moment. He frowned thoughtfully, hesitating and carefully choosing his next words. “Thorin never denied her, her agency, but he is also her older brother and wants nothing but the best for her. Vilir was…. Ah, he had a reputation.”

“Reputation?” Kili repeated. His father rarely spoke of his past, only his travels and acquaintances he met during. Kili had thought it only meant he had been a wanderer or adventurer. But, had he always been a degenerate? In a way, if true, it would explain the ease with which he sank into greed and selfishness. However, it also made Kili wonder how his mother–supposedly a bright dwarf–could have missed it when others hadn’t.

“He kept questionable company,” Balin finally said with diplomacy.

“Drunks?”

“Among others. People who disagreed with authority in general,” Balin allowed.

“Did he partake in the friends’ activities?”

“Perhaps not, but his choice to remain in their company didn’t inspire confidence in his character.”

There was a question in the old dwarf’s eyes, a question he needn’t ask for Kili to understand. Vilir still kept questionable company, Kili wanted to say, but held his tongue. He couldn’t let anyone know how debased his family was. They had little dignity left, but he should still like to preserve it, especially here in Erebor where some people held fond memories of his mother. His love for his father might be greatly diminished, but not his love for his mother. He would not try to improve Vilir’s past reputation, but he would still like to preserve Dis’. “You said my mother is bright, but no bright dwarf would choose a questionable partner,” he joked to distract Balin. “Perhaps you were mistaken about her.”

“She is bright,” Balin insisted, chuckling. “But, she was also lonely. And the lad was exceedingly charming–or so it was reported. He must be if he managed to win Dis over.”

Kili didn’t argue. “I imagine Thorin didn’t take the match very well.”

“Not at all. He hardly meddled in her affairs, but he put his foot down this time. He suspected Vilir was aiming for Dis’ wealth rather than her heart. However, in truth he didn’t mind sharing with his sister—he had more than enough to share. He didn’t disagree with the relation quite as terribly as people thought—as Dis thought.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, there was some miscommunication. Thorin planned to offer some assistance should Vilir agree to change his ways and leave his company. But, well, you know Thorin well, I trust. You must know how his pride often takes a hold of him. He said the wrong things and Dis is not the sort to be cowed. She left Erebor shortly after the argument.”

The room was silent for a long moment, both occupants lost in thoughts of the past. Kili couldn’t imagine-no. He could imagine his father seducing his mother. After all, how many dwarfs had he convinced into lending him vast amount of money for the price of an hour or two with his son? Too many to count. It was too easy to imagine him winning the affection of a lonely young dwarf lass. Similarly, it was easy to imagine Thorin talking about Vilir harshly when what he meant was to offer his help. Hadn’t he challenged Kili to spars when he tried to distract him from his troubles when he was in Ered Luin? His method of helping could be easily misconstrued as hostility. Further, if Dis had been as in love with Vilir as Balin portrayed, it wouldn’t have been difficult to believe her taking extreme measure to defend him. Kili wondered how different his life could’ve been if the argument hadn’t taken place, if the siblings had understood each other perfectly, if his mother had stayed and he and Fili were raised in the comfort and safety of Erebor. Could he have been happy? Or would Vilir have eventually ruined everything again?

“What happened then?” Kili asked.

“Thorin spent almost everything he had to find her. He was so dedicated to the cause that the business almost collapsed. In the end, he had to choose between family legacy and the livelihood of dozens, and his sister.” Balin smiled sadly to him. “He chose his business. Not easily, mind. But, by that time he had lost all hope of bringing Dis back home.”

“He thought my mother was dead,” Kili surmised.

Balin nodded grimly. “Or at least didn’t wish to be found. In any case, he believed it was a lost cause and returned to Erebor.”

“Was he happy when he received the letter from my mother? Or was he angry because it took her so long to send him any news?”

“He was shocked and cautious. For a time, there were some who offered him false hopes for gold.” Balin smiled widely. “However, as we see, it was true! And he came back…well, a little less troubled than when he left.”

There was thoughtfulness in Balin’s expression that worried Kili. He didn’t wish to elaborate on any suspicion he harbored on Thorin’s return. Quickly, Kili excused himself, claiming that he had work to do at the stable. Perhaps Balin didn’t fully believe him, but he let him go nevertheless, though not before Kili finished his tea.

Escaping Balin’s office was a relief. However, his words remained in Kili’s mind and he wondered about Thorin. Vivid in his memory were the days of Thorin’s stay in Ered Luin. How sweet those days and nights had been. How happy he had been. And he had believed, too, that Thorin had been happy. Perhaps he had been, but likely knowing the true intention of the invitation to visit Ered Luin had soured his good feelings. It was one thing to be used by a greedy stranger, another to be taken advantage of by the sister he had searched to the end of the earth. Kili finished the day in a distracted state, wondering if Thorin had felt betrayed or angry or upset at him when he left Ered Luin, if Thorin still had the same regards for him as before now that Kili became a means to his corruption. The thought left a heavy weight in Kili’s stomach. He would be anything, would swallow any pain and discontent, would even degrade himself over and over again, but he never wanted to disappoint Thorin.

Kili wondered how he would feel if Fili left him with their parents for a lover. He doubted that Fili ever would, being the responsible older brother that he was, but love could be blind, as proven by their existence. Further, Kili knew that deep in his heart, Fili wanted a family of his own, one that didn’t hurt each other and only loved one another. Their family was too broken to fix. It made much more sense to build a new one far from their current one. What if Fili decided to follow his heart and do just that? What if Kili was left with parents who had become strangers to him? Would Kili be able to forgive him or would he spend the rest of his life in resentment?

He would like to think he would forgive Fili. He would like to think that he would feel happy to know his brother was safe and happy away from their father. But, Kili knew that he would in actuality feel a little resentful to be left behind to suffer. Without Fili, there wouldn’t be anyone on his side, no companion and no support. As resigned as he was to the use Vilir had put him to, he still liked to know that his brother was always there for him. In fact, part of the reason he withstood the humiliation was because he wanted to protect Fili and Fili always tried to protect him in return. He would be angry for a time, he knew, and he would be at least a little envious because he knew he had little to no chance to have the sort of happy normal life Fili could have. How long that anger would last, Kili didn’t know. He would like to think it passed very quickly, but it might not, simmering always beneath the surface, revived at every painful moment spent alone.

Dis had left Thorin with no one and then almost nothing. Thorin had never treated Kili with anything but kindness, but it wasn’t too difficult to imagine him being bitter. He had wanted to offer Dis and her questionable choice for a husband a share of his wealth–part of the luxury Kili now enjoyed and worked with–for nothing more than her wellbeing and companionship. He had only wanted her to be near him and she had left. Worse still, his search had nearly made him lose his family legacy. Then, after a long time of rebuilding said legacy on his own, his sister finally resurfaced only to lead him to a wretched path of shame. Decades might have passed since Dis ran with her chosen dwarf, Thorin might have had longer than Kili’s life to learn to forgive, but Kili wouldn’t blame him if he harbored any hatred for his sister and her family.

Was that what Thorin felt about him? Was that why he kept his distance? Watching how Thorin carefully kept himself away from Kili, Kili wondered if it was indeed the case that he had lost his favor and gained resentment. Had distance and time finally made him realize how truly repulsive their relation was? Or had the excessive payment to Vilir been the one that made him realize his mistake for trying to regain his lost sister? Kili didn’t know. In Ered Luin, he felt he had known Thorin’s character rather well, but now he found himself facing a stranger. Perhaps Thorin simply wasn’t cruel enough to let Kili remain in Ered Luin or send him back to be abused by his father, that Kili was not wanted but rather pitied. If it were truly the case, then that pity should be enough as it already ensured his and his family’s comfort, but it was not. Kili couldn’t be negligent about his mother and brother’s fates, which were precarious still despite the gold Thorin had sent, and, almost more than that, he wanted to feel again Thorin’s gentleness. He wanted to experience his patience and see again his passion. He wanted to feel he wasn’t as ruined as he actually was. But, Kili was ruined and with his selfish desire to prove his worth, he was taking Thorin down with him.

Kili paused at the doorway when he returned from work to be greeted by the sight of Thorin lounging on a chair facing the door. He glanced at Bofur, wondering if he had somehow got himself in trouble, but Bofur only smiled widely. Taking this as a reassurance, he smiled to Thorin. He hoped that Thorin had finally decided to take him to his bed, but seeing as Bofur hadn’t been dismissed, it was very unlikely. Kili swallowed his sadly familiar disappointment and focused on the fact that Thorin had gone out of his way to welcome him this afternoon.

“What have I done now?” Kili joked, grinning.

“I don’t know, but now you have me suspicious,” Thorin retorted, raising an eyebrow.

He was in a good mood—unusual for a dwarf usually as somber as Thorin was. Kili laughed, happy that Thorin was happy. “I may have angered Minty because I didn’t brush her today. It has been a busy day.”

“A temperamental horse doesn’t bide well for its rider.” Smiling, Thorin stood up and leisurely approached Kili. While their heights weren’t so different, the way he carried himself sometimes made Kili felt small. He felt even more so this time as Thorin walked toward him with an air of confidence. Kili was a mere servant and this was his master and Kili couldn’t be happier for the fact even if he was still denied the privilege of pleasuring him. “I have something for you.”

Instantly, Kili frowned. “You’ve given me enough!” he protested.

“You don’t want this, then?” Thorin reached into his tunic and pulled out a piece of paper. “A letter from your brother.”

“From Fili?” Kili exclaimed happily. He must admit he had neglected to write to Fili. So many things had happened, keeping him occupied, but it wasn’t a good enough reason, he supposed. Were Fili here, he would give him a gentle reprimand. Even without reading the letter, Kili could imagine what exactly he would say.

“It arrived today when you were at work. Do you want it or should I toss it to the fire?” Thorin teased him, smirking.

Kili laughed merrily. “No! You haven’t given me enough. Please let me have my brother’s letter.”

Thorin huffed and handed him the letter, which Kili took eagerly. “I haven’t read it,” he assured him. “You can write back if you like. My raven will send your letter to Ered Luin for you.”

“Thank you!”

Kili almost ran to his room, so thrilled as he was. He felt like a child given a new toy. But, he was an adult now and this letter was more precious than any toy, or indeed any gift Thorin had presented him with. Kili sat down at his desk to read. Lit candles indicated that his reading had been anticipated and he took a moment to be grateful for Thorin’s thoughtfulness. Kili unfolded the letter hastily. He found the familiar scrawl of his brother’s hand writing. Dis had often praised Fili for his penmanship, which she called artful. Kili always thought that it waste of energy to spend so much effort on such simple task. However, now he was grateful for it because there was no mistaking the careful strokes of his brother’s pen. The sight of it made him smile with longing, but his joy faltered a little when he began to read.

Fili prefaced the letter by admitting that it was sent in secret through a friend and should Kili wish to write him back, then it shouldn’t be addressed to their home, but to the friend, instead. He reasoned that he didn’t want to draw their father’s attention. The family’s new income had distracted him, but Fili feared he would use Kili’s proximity to Thorin to ask for more if he knew that Fili wrote to him. This worried Kili, although Fili claimed that he and their mother were both fine and missing him dearly. Fili continued to work in the forge as he was uncomfortable with idleness and he didn’t feel right to use the gold Thorin had given them. Although, he admitted that he had used the money Thorin sent him to buy a horse to aid him in his work. Meanwhile, Dis had improved and spent more time outside of her room. It seemed that she planned to learn some crafts, although she was undecided as to which kind. Of their father, Fili only said that he was doing as expected, which Kili understood to mean that he had again immersed himself in gambling. Despite not being surprised, Kili still found himself disappointed.

What followed was Fili’s description of Ered Luin, how nothing but the nature had changed there since Kili’s departure. Fili then carefully inquired after Kili’s condition and Erebor. The omission of their uncle didn’t go unnoticed, but Kili understood that Fili still hadn’t fully accepted Thorin’s way of helping their family. It was unconventional at best and demeaning at worst, but Kili had lost most of his dignity a long time ago. It was something Fili still refused to accept, although Kili hoped that he would in time understand its necessity and benefits.

Fili closed the letter with a hope that Kili would write back, gently implying that he was worried that Thorin intended to keep him entirely from his family. So, Kili immediately set to do so. He wrote his reply to assure Fili and Dis of his wellbeing. He described Thorin’s continued generosity, how he had provided for his every need. Although this might not fully reassure Fili of Thorin’s character, Kili still felt it was necessary to include as to not cause further misunderstanding. He wrote mostly of the grandeur of Erebor, the wealth beyond compare, the curious people there, and the beauty of its nature. It made Ered Luin look like a poor village, he emphasized. Words couldn’t do the discrepancy any justice. Everything they had heard of Erebor was ten times greater in reality. It was a place he hoped Fili would see one day, for he was sure to be awed by the mountain kingdom and the city of Dale.

After a moment of hesitation, Kili wrote what he had learnt about their mother. This new information wouldn’t change anything, but he thought Fili should know how loved and adored Dis had been and perhaps still was by the dwarfs in Erebor. What Kili had learnt about their father would likely make no change on Fili’s poor opinion on Vilir, but he shared it nonetheless. If nothing else, these were part of their life stories, the reason they were who they were today. Kili considered asking Fili to tell Dis that some people in Erebor still thought of her kindly. However, he decided not to, seeing as she hardly ever spoke of her friends and family, especially since Vilir began his descend toward immorality. Perhaps she didn’t care for them as much as they did for her, or perhaps she had decided to completely remove herself from her past. Whatever the case might be, Kili asked Fili to keep the knowledge of their mother’s past to himself.

When he realized that the sky had gone completely dark outside, Kili hastened to end the letter with a request for more letters in the future and a promise to write more when he could. Afterward, he called Bifur to send his letter for him. It was already late and the raven wouldn’t fly until the next day. Kili felt a surge of impatience, but he knew he had to get used to delay. He and Fili no longer lived under the same roof, or indeed the same town. Communication couldn’t be instant, but he tried to find comfort in the fact that he wouldn’t be a stranger to his family. He was growing to like Erebor and its people, but there was nothing quite like the familiarity of his brother. Kili wondered if he should write to his mother, too, but remembered Fili’s caution. If his brother thought it was too risky to tempt their father with the prospect of more gold, then Kili shouldn’t attempt communication with Dis. He regretted not leaving any message for her in his letter. At the very least, he wanted her to know that he was doing all right under Thorin’s care. But, he supposed that he could do that next time.

Thorin was waiting for him with an empty goblet of wine when Kili joined him for dinner. Far from upset, he smiled in amusement when Kili apologized. “How is your brother?”

“He says he’s fine, but the letter is very long, so he must miss me very much!”

“And your parents?” Thorin asked, chuckling.

“They are well,” Kili lied. “They’re very grateful for your kindness. It really helps them. And Fili, too. He has bought a new pony with the gold you sent him.”

Thorin nodded in satisfaction. Although, Kili noticed a little apprehension in his expression, and who could blame him after how ill-used he had been by his beloved sister’s family? “I hope it helps your brother.”

“It does,” Kili confirmed. “With a pony, he could help people transport heavy things–for a price, of course! Minty was a great help to us. She’s now spoiled in your stable, fattened by your workers!”

“You may take her for a ride if you think she’s been spoiled. Your job can spare you once in a while.”

“But, what poor impression of me that will give my employer!” Kili exclaimed jokingly.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure making you work twice as hard when you return will satisfy him.” He smirked and drank from his goblet when Kili protested.

“What a cruel master he is!” Kili exclaimed even as he laughed. “If I hadn’t given my letter to Bifur, I would’ve written to Fili all about it!”

“I won’t stop you from writing more and will offer no defense.” He gave Kili a mischievous look over the rim of his goblet. “But, I will demand retribution and have you work twice harder for the next week.”

They bickered throughout dinner. Still unsatisfied with their playful argument, they continued it in the sitting room where they were left alone by the servants. Kili was a little surprised that Thorin didn’t press about the content of his letter despite his obvious curiosity. Once satisfied that his sister’s family was doing well, he only inquired about general matters, such as the current happenings in Ered Luin. Kili could have mistaken it for boredom or indifference, but Thorin listened to him attentively, nodding and humming in response. The goblet of wine in his hand was sometimes ignored when Kili spoke excitedly about something, even if it was something as trivial as the view from a nook high in the mountain or the smell of freshly baked bread. When Kili told him funny stories from his childhood or speculations of the sort of mischief his brother might get up to, he chuckled and shook his head in amusement. He cared about Kili’s family. It was just that he showed it in his own reserved way that honestly shouldn’t surprise Kili after knowing him this long.

Having now seen him in the safety and comfort of his own home and among his close friends, Kili could see how truly distant and guarded Thorin was. There were perhaps only a handful of people he was closely acquainted with and most of them were his employees. Some of them, such as Balin, he must think of as friends, but there was distance between them still, formality and a high degree of respect that close friends would put aside. If Thorin was as lonely as Dis had been, then he bore it exceedingly well, seeking no company other than his work. Dis had left after finding a dwarf she believed would give her the family she wanted. Had similar thought ever occurred to Thorin? Had he ever longed for some kind of companion? Kili would like to think that there was a place for a companion in Thorin’s life–hopefully that which Kili could fill in some way. If Kili was somehow lacking (which he knew he was, having seen what sophistication Erebor had to offer), then he was willing to improve himself, since Thorin had saved his family from degeneration that his father had ensured. To alter a dwarf was not an easy task, but Kili was willing to try and try. If it meant he could serve Thorin, if it meant he could be useful and make Thorin happy, then he would do it.

“I missed Fili,” Kili admitted, sagging against the back of the seat they both occupied. He put his empty goblet away and stared at the fire in the fireplace. The wine and the food had made him comfortable, reminding him of what Fili might not have in Ered Luin. Surely the amount of gold Thorin had paid couldn’t be used entirely to fund Vilir’s vices. Some of it must go to their family. But, Kili had learnt not to underestimate the depth of his father’s greed. “I wonder what he’s doing right now. We’ve never been apart for more than a few days.”

Thorin watched him quietly. “You’re very attached to him,” he observed.

“He’s my first friend. And my only one in the past few years.” Kili shrugged.

“You may use my ravens as much as you want, though I guess it won’t be quite enough.”

Kili laughed somewhat bitterly. Not even daily letters could satisfy how he missed Fili. “No, it won’t.”

“Don’t the lads often drink in tavern after work? Join them. They’re not your brother, but I think you could use the diversion,” Thorin suggested.

A deep frown formed on Kili’s face. Indeed he had been invited a couple of times, but he had always been hesitant to go. What if simply one more evening of conversation and persuasion was all it took to convince Thorin to bed him again? Kili couldn’t risk missing it for the tavern. “But, what about dinner?”

“Don’t worry about it. Just tell Bofur or Bifur that you’ll dine with your friends,” Thorin said calmly. The small smile he gave Kili was entirely too easy for Kili’s tastes.

“I prefer having dinner here. I like the food and the company,” Kili argued vehemently.

However, Thorin didn’t seem to believe him, looking at him with knowledge gained unpleasantly. He looked almost sad, an expression that didn’t sit well with Kili. “You’ll want to be with someone your age at least occasionally,” he said knowingly.

“Perhaps,” Kili said reluctantly. He missed his brother dearly and the thought of spending more time with his new friends wasn’t entirely undesirable, but he hadn’t lied when he said he enjoyed Thorin’s company, even if their relationship was wanting, lacking intimacy it had once had and Kili now yearned to bring back. “But, I still prefer being with you.”

Thorin nearly jumped when Kili put his hand on his thigh. “Kili…” he began, looking at Kili with widened eyes.

Kili ignored him, smiling teasingly as his hand slipped down to caress Thorin’s inner thigh. Tense muscles trembled ever so slightly with every pass of his hand, moving closer but not quite touching his clothed cock. Kili leaned forward and buried his nose in Thorin’s neck to inhale the clean scent of him. Unable to resist temptation, he pressed a kiss there, his tongue flickering out to taste his skin. “I really like being with you,” he breathed not insincerely.

Thorin made a choked sound when Kili cupped him lightly through his breeches. He was still soft, but he wouldn’t be so for too long. Kili patiently stroked his length while pressing hot open-mouthed kisses on his neck, occasionally stealing a taste of him or lightly nipping on small patches of skin. In his grip, Thorin’s cock slowly lengthened and thickened, coming to full mast. While Kili couldn’t feel the heat through the fabric, his memory supplied him with the warmth and weight of it in his hand, mouth, or body, knowledge gained on wonderful nights too long ago. Moaning quietly, Kili squeezed Thorin, making his hips buck up. A small gasp escaped his mouth and oh, how Kili wished he could swallow it, kiss him deeply while he stroked him until he was near desperation, so that he would finally sink into Kili’s welcoming hole. It would be uncomfortable at first, he knew—Thorin was larger than most and it had been a while since Kili was taken. His body would struggle to stretch, clenching tightly around the girth and forcing him to spread his legs widely to accommodate Thorin. They would have to be slow. They would have to be patient. But, when Thorin was fully nestled inside him, filling him to the brim, his hips pressing against Kili’s flank, his arms around him, it would be all worth it.

Another squeeze and the cock leapt in Kili’s hand, hindered by fabric. Looking down, Kili saw a growing damp spot on Thorin’s breeches, inducing thirst for the potent taste of thick seed upon his tongue. Licking his lips, Kili deftly and swiftly undid Thorin’s breeches. He exhaled when he pulled Thorin’s cock out of its confines, flesh-to-flesh at long last. Velvety and hard to the touch, it was as impressive as Kili remembered. It was of intimidating girth and length with prominent thick veins running along it, promising a world of carnal pleasure. Red was the color of his desperation and cloudy was the small pearl that sat at the tip, tempting Kili. He pumped Thorin’s cock from root to just below the crown, coaxing more of it to come out, and was pleased that he didn’t have to wait long. It spilled forth slowly but continuously until it ran down the crown and shaft. Just before it reached his stroking hand, Kili gave in to his desires. He bent down and licked the seed clean off Thorin’s flushed cock.

“Kili!” Thorin cried and immediately clamped a hand over his mouth.

Kili continued to lap at his cock, making sure that all of it was nicely covered in spit. Whenever seed would dribble down, he was quick to lick off, filling his mouth with the taste of Thorin. Thorin’s thighs strained when Kili diligently licked the bulbous head of his cock, paying special attention to its slit and the translucent liquid it emitted for him like a gift. The taste of him! How Kili had missed it! He swirled his tongue around the head, then dipped its stiffened tip into the tiny hole that by now didn’t cease leaking. Thorin’s hips jerked up as if drawn into the wet heat of Kili’s mouth, so close and yet so far. He held himself back with a muffled groan, but his lust was clear, his desire for Kili unmistakable. Sighing softly, Kili nuzzled his furred belly, pleased that he was still wanted. He wished he could kiss a trail down to Thorin’s cock in worship in gratitude. But, they didn’t have full privacy, so Kili dropped a kiss to the bottom of Thorin torso and engulfed the head of his cock in his mouth.

Flavor burst sharply before tapering off suddenly, a muffled gasp coming from above him. Thorin was so careful, so in control even now. The familiarity of it warmed Kili and made him realize his own needs, his cock throbbing demandingly in his breeches. Moaning, he slipped a hand into the offending clothes to stroke himself to the same rhythm he lightly bobbed his head over Thorin’s cock. Thorin must have noticed this because he groaned, early seed spilling heavy onto Kili’s agile tongue. A heavy hand rested on his back without pressing down, as if Thorin just wanted to make sure Kili was where he was, bent down to suck on his cock while touching himself. Enveloped by the taste, feel and scent of Thorin, Kili closed his eyes and sucked greedily on the organ. Filthy wet sounds were barely covered by the crackling of fire as Kili tried to draw seed out of his master. He knew he almost succeeded as the taste became stronger and stronger with each noisy suck. Thorin started to thrust into his mouth as well, his breathing growing ragged above him. Kili slackened his mouth, ready for his gift.

A loud clatter startled them both. Kili pulled off of Thorin’s cock and sat back to find that Thorin had dropped the goblet he had been holding all this while. Red wine spilled on the floor and there were urgent footsteps coming toward them. Kili looked to the direction of the doorway, his heart thundering in his chest. There was no one there yet, but there would be soon. He quickly removed his hand from his cock and wiped the dampness on his palm on his breeches. There was no hiding the bulge between his legs, however. Looking at Thorin, Kili could see that he was in a similar state. Bofur and Bifur wouldn’t ask, he knew, but they might speculate, they might become suspicious–what might have happened that both uncle and nephew became aroused at the presence of each other?

It seemed that Thorin was thinking on a similar line. “Go to your room,” Thorin said quietly as he tried to regulate his breaths and covered his spit-slick erection. “They mustn’t see us together.”

“I’m sorry,” Kili apologized. “I’ll tell…”

“Go to your room!” Thorin snapped at him with an angry glare.

Kili stared at him in shock. Never had Thorin spoken to him so harshly before. He had always had a sort of intensity within him, but now the fire Kili saw in his eyes were that of anger and impatience. Suddenly afraid and intensely disappointed in himself, Kili swallowed his protests and stood up quickly. As he rushed to leave the room, he couldn’t but notice Thorin forcefully looked away from him to scowl at the hearth. His heart raced so quickly he couldn’t tell how he managed to leave the room. Just outside of the doorway, Kili passed Bofur, who had no doubt heard Thorin’s shout. Kili said nothing to him and went directly to his room. His cock had flagged completely when he closed the door behind him. The taste of Thorin in his mouth was a bitter reminder of his failure and transgression. He thought of the hardened look Thorin had given him, so far removed from the usual kindness or the heat he had missed. Guilt and nervousness swamped him in full as the realization that he had overstepped and almost damaged Thorin’s reputation dawned on him. What if Bofur had walked in only a few seconds sooner? What if Bofur or Bifur had been near? What if they had seen something while Kili was preoccupied by his longing for Thorin’s gentle touch? Hadn’t he established that the rules he now lived with in Erebor was different from Ered Luin? Wasn’t he himself speculating that Thorin might be dismayed with how he had been used and degraded by his sister’s family? Kili pressed himself to the door-whether to bar it from Thorin’s angry outburst or to keep himself from returning to Thorin to apologize, he didn’t know, but it was for nothing. Thorin didn’t come to his door, just like any other night prior. Somehow, this time it hurt more.

Chapter Text

Kili half-expected to be ordered to leave Erebor after his offense, but not a word came from Thorin. What he received was even worse: Silence. The next morning, he sat beside Thorin for breakfast but exchanged not a single word with him. His glances were unreturned and only served to discourage him when he took in Thorin’s grave expression. Thorin didn’t spare a single look Kili’s way except when he entered the dining room, his disinclination in engaging with him obvious. A few times, Kili thought to break the heavy silence, but the words on his tongue disappeared when he saw that Thorin had fixed his eyes on the plate in front of him. Even when Kili announced that he was going to work, he didn’t give a single acknowledgement. Dismayed and helpless, Kili left, fervently hoping time apart would improve Thorin’s mood enough to let Kili to come to his side again.

However, the hope was in vain. Kili returned in the late afternoon to the same pointed ignorance. Worse still, the treatment persisted for many days. The few conversations they had were brief and stilted, and each time Thorin refused to look at him. Their routine of conversing for a couple of hours after dinner was also disrupted as Thorin immediately retired to his room after meal. No matter how accustomed Kili had become in Erebor, Thorin’s room was still a place he didn’t dare to go to without invitation. This left Kili with no opportunity to apologize, no way to fix his grave mistake. He was wrong to seduce Thorin in the sitting room, he admitted. He shouldn’t have let his impatience and loneliness get the better of him. He should have been more careful, more considerate of Thorin’s situation. This wasn’t his home in Ered Luin where Vilir would approve upon such behavior and Dis and Fili would turn away in shame. Here in Erebor, Thorin had reputation to maintain, business to protect, life to preserve—all of which could easily be ruined if just a sliver of suspicion reached the public. Kili had been careless and selfish and would give anything to take back what he had done, even vowed not to touch Thorin without his ordering first. He just wished there was a way to tell Thorin all these.

Bofur and Bifur had noticed the souring relationship. They said nothing out of respect, but Kili noticed Bofur frowning in concern whenever Thorin treated him with cold indifference. Kili was certain Bofur hadn’t seen or heard anything that could compromise Thorin’s situation in life that night, but he was worried still sometimes about the questions the change in behavior might raise. More worrying still, Bofur and Bifur weren’t the only ones who observed this and must’ve wondered about it. When Thorin came to inspect his shops a few days later, he barely acknowledged Kili, passing him by in favor of Balin. Although no one asked, Kili knew they wondered how someone who had seemed to be so beloved now hardly earned attention. What should Kili say if they did ask? What lie could he tell to explain how he had lost Thorin’s affection?

Kili thought to write to Fili, the only one who cared for his wellbeing in return of nothing. But, what should he write to him? How he had fallen out of Thorin’s favor? How he had overstepped a boundary and let impatience and desperation got the better of him? How he had no one to blame but himself for Thorin’s silent anger? Kili knew Fili wouldn’t like hearing any of these, as he never liked knowing about what Kili did with the dwarfs who used him. It didn’t matter Thorin had refused to use him, that Thorin was kinder than any who had touched him, that it was Kili who encouraged and begged him to use him. Fili would still want to hear none of it and Kili couldn’t force him to learn it for his own comfort. After all, what could Fili do to remedy the issue? Fili was a world away and if Kili really did lose Thorin’s care, then Fili had bigger issues to attend to than Kili’s peace of mind.

Being near Thorin was a torture with its reminder of Kili’s mistake and helplessness. He hadn’t realized until them how silence and ignorance could hurt him so. In the past, it had been a relief, a short reprieve from the unwanted attention. Now, even anger was preferable. Anything was better than being pointedly overlooked, treated as if he were invincible. But, Kili couldn’t make himself offend Thorin further, fearful of receiving the sharp glare and stinging words, even more frightened of losing the security for his family. When Thorin retired to his room directly after dinner once more, Kili could only watch him despondently. He thought to sneak into Thorin’s room when the servants had all gone to bed, to beg him for forgiveness. He would offer what little he had if he could once again gain his smiles and truly keep his family safe. But, fearful of further failure, Kili went to his own room, instead. In the quietness of his room, far from the familiarity of his home, not held by a master too angry to care for him, Kili felt very alone.

Another day of silence had Kili increasingly frustrated. He knew Thorin could be stubborn and he understood that it was his fault, but it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t given any chance to amend himself. He couldn’t apologize and Thorin refused to look at him long enough to notice how hard he tried to repent. Kili was near fit to burst with vexation. It would be improper to express aggravation to the dwarf who owned him and supported his family, but what other ways were there to gain his attention and make him listen? When Kili left Ered Luin, his mother had warned him that Thorin could be difficult. At that time, he hadn’t fully believed her as he had only ever received his kindness (excepting one transgression). Now, he wondered whether this was what she had referred to and whether she had faced this very treatment in the past. Had this been the reason for her escape from the safety of Erebor? Vilir had promised her and been able to provide her with companionship, new family, and happiness. There had been nothing to keep her in Erebor if Thorin had treated her as he treated Kili today. It was not so easy for Kili to leave, however. In fact, he hoped he wouldn’t have to leave at all.

Two inspections had passed with Thorin barely looking his way, but this time Kili was determined to make him see how sorry he was. He took every task he could find and offered other workers his assistance. They were all too happy to lighten their duties and didn’t refuse. If any of them had any inkling of what Kili was trying to achieve, they didn’t ask. Only Balin looked at him knowingly and kindly gave him easy tasks that required him to work where people would see. He came to see Kili and encouraged him when he seemed to tire. It was the kindest gesture Kili had had in many days and he was profusely grateful for it. Thorin’s kindness of late had only extended as far as allowing Kili to stay in his home, and he hungered for more. He missed receiving Thorin’s approval and most especially he missed serving and pleasing Thorin.

However, his efforts were in vain. When past midday Thorin still hadn’t arrived, it became clear that he wouldn’t come. Kili kept looking to the entrance to the shop, but it only ever opened for customers. Knowing how seriously Thorin cared for and ran his business, only the strongest of reasons would keep him from his duties. Was Thorin so angry that he forewent his regular inspection to avoid Kili? Was his fury so strong that it exceeded his responsibility? Was there any way at all Kili could earn his forgiveness? No one blamed him outright, but Kili could almost feel the disappointment of his family, who were dependent on Thorin’s good will, and Thorin’s employees, who would have to share the consequence of Thorin’s displeasure at Kili. Kili’s own disappointment with himself was immense. For the hundredth time since that terrible night, he blamed himself for his hastiness and lack of forethought. As much as he hated it, he couldn’t but think the punishment of cold loneliness was fully deserved.

Noting Kili’s despondency, Balin sent him back to Erebor early. Kili protested—Thorin might not be happy to see him back so soon—but Balin would have none of it. He was clearly eager to have Kili and Thorin reconciled and Kili couldn’t find a way to tell him how difficult it would be. Left with no means to defend himself, Kili returned to Erebor reluctantly. Many would celebrate being able to leave their works early, but not Kili, not when he knew that only cold ignorance awaited him. Yet to go elsewhere to pass the time was unthinkable. He was supposed to be repenting, regretful of his past action. Even if he only went to taverns to drink out of frustration, it would still reflect poorly on his character. No. To Thorin he must return. And if this angered Thorin further, at least it would give Kili the opportunity to talk to him.

The now-familiar streets of Erebor passed in a blur. Kili hardly noticed a thing when he usually delighted himself in finding something new in the mountain kingdom. His feet took him directly to Thorin’s house. The guards at the door looked surprised to see him back so early, but dutifully opened the door. Kili thanked them with a weak smile and came inside to be greeted by a similarly surprised Bofur.

“I didn’t expect you to come home so soon.”

Kili shrugged. “Is Thorin busy? Mister Balin was expecting him. He was supposed to inspect the shop today.”

Bofur fidgeted under Kili’s gaze. “Well, I won’t say he’s busy. At least, not anymore.”

Kili frowned at Bofur’s unusual behavior. He was normally all cheer and joy, but now he seemed discomfited, grimacing and even looking for an escape. Kili looked around them to see if anything was amiss, but nothing seemed to have changed since this morning. Before Kili could question Bofur further, however, a stranger emerged from the living quarter. Kili didn’t recognize the dwarf, but he was immediately struck by his appearance. His long dark hair, prettily decorated with contrasting silver beads, was brushed to shininess. His rather sparse beard was carefully trimmed to complement his looks and not draw mockery as Kili’s pathetic stubbles did. As other residents of Erebor, he was lavishly dressed and accessorized, but something set him apart from others Kili had met. Dwarfs usually covered as much of themselves as possible with leather, cloth, fur, or armor, but not this dwarf. His tunic was slightly open to offer a glimpse of his neck and chest. The part that was closed was only loosely so, giving the impression of being easy to undo. His coat hung just over his shoulders, threatening to fall at any moment. On his feet, his boots showed no sign of wear, yet no feature to make it durable. Most telling of his profession, however, was the slight limp of his gait, the miniscule wince he tried to hide. Kili’s heart sank as realization dawned on him.

The dwarf looked at Kili with mild curiosity, but said nothing to him. He bowed in respect, a gesture Kili was too stunned to return. The dwarf didn’t mind, however, and nodded to Bofur before quietly leaving. His work was finished here. He had satisfied Thorin’s lust when Kili was denied a single word and glance, let alone touch. Not half a year ago, Kili would tremendously welcome such reprieve, but not today, not when it came to Thorin. Now it stung with the pain of betrayal, cut with loneliness. It was supposed to be him. He was the one supposed to serve and pleasure Thorin. He was the one Thorin was supposed to call to entertain him. He was the one supposed to be in Thorin’s bed.

“I hope that doesn’t bother you,” Bofur started, grinning a little awkwardly. “Thorin calls for him sometimes, but…”

“Where is he?” Kili interrupted him.

Bofur looked startled, but answered, “in his office. Wait.” He stopped Kili when he started to make his way to Thorin’s office. His face was contorted in worry and he shook his head firmly. “Leave him be, lad. He’ll only get angrier. Best give him time to sort his feelings out.”

It was a sound advice, but one Kili could not heed, not when there was such a storm of disappointment and pain raging in his heart. He left Bofur by the door and went to look for the dwarf who was supposed to be his master. Something ugly, a combination of anger and frustration and desperation, clawed at his chest, tearing deep painful wounds where he never thought possible. Kili knew he wasn’t the handsomest dwarf, that some used him merely for the warmth and submission he offered. He knew, too, that some disliked his character, either because he was too much of one thing or too little of another. He was more than aware that his recent mistake was still a painful point between him and Thorin. However, learning that Thorin chose to call another whore rather than him was more than what he could bear. The thought that he had lost Thorin’s favor so entirely that someone else was made to do his duty was more than what he could bear.

Kili knew he had no right to complain, that Thorin could have anything and anyone he wanted. Still a sense of betrayal overwhelmed him, accompanied by no small amount of fear. If Thorin no longer found Kili desirable, what would happen to his family? Kili would like to believe that Thorin was too good to leave his sister’s family in destitution, but one in Kili’s disadvantaged position couldn’t be too careful. The whims of a master were worse than the whims of a lover. Greater, too, were the consequences. The pain of being slighted and replaced with another might fade in time, but the suffering of poverty exacerbated by senseless addiction was not so easily alleviated. Kili didn’t only have his own pride and longing to mind, but also his family’s interests, and arguably his family mattered more than him. The painful throbs in his heart might heal, but Dis and Fili’s jeopardized life would not be easily fixed. Kili still remembered his father’s threats when he had been first forced into selling himself. What if he considered using them again? Kili was now too far away to help. Even if he were in Ered Luin, he might no longer be enough to support his father’s worsening habit. Kili must win Thorin back for his family and himself. He would beg. He would apologize. He would promise whatever he had left to give. He would do anything to gain Thorin’s attention again.

Thorin looked up sharply from his work when Kili pushed the office door open forcefully. What little sense Kili still had reminded him to shut it behind him, but the delay was only a quick second. Before Thorin regained his bearing, Kili had stormed to stand before him, only his desk keeping him from throwing himself at Thorin’s feet to plead for his and his family’s fates. Kili hardly ever cried anymore, but the familiar sight of Thorin’s satiated face constricted his throat most painfully. It could’ve been him that brought that contentment to Thorin’s face. It should’ve been him.

“You’re home early,” Thorin noted stiffly, looking back down to his work to avoid Kili’s eyes.

There should be nowhere left inside Kili that could be hurt, yet it still broke something inside him to see that he wouldn’t even be given a friendly greeting. Kili’s body began to shake with too many emotions to count, all of them hurting him. He clenched his hands into fists to contain them. He needed to make Thorin listen. “Why did you call that dwarf?” he demanded.

Thorin tensed up. As he was still looking down, it was difficult for Kili to determine his reaction, but he was almost certain it wasn’t anger. “I can take whoever I want to my bed.”

The implication that he didn’t want Kili in his bed was more painful than Kili thought possible. His composure began to fray and it was a struggle to present a proper argument. “Why didn’t you ask me instead?”

“That would be none of your concern.”

“Of course it is!” Kili cried. “You’ve denied me three times now, yet you asked for this dwarf! Why did you do that?”

“Because I wanted him,” Thorin said coldly.

“Don’t you want me anymore?” Kili asked, his voice made small by hurt. “I know I’ve angered you. I know that compared to that dwarf, to everyone else in Erebor, I’m far from handsome, but if you’d give me a chance, if you’d let me…”

For the first time in too many days, Thorin finally looked at him. The cold fury and indifference Kili had become very familiar with were gone, replaced by uncertainty and sympathy. “That’s not true,” he said, his voice softening despite the tension that still persisted on his body.

“Then, why wouldn’t you have me?”

Thorin leaned heavily against the back of his chair, frowning at his desk in consternation. After a length of time, he finally spoke up, “I know I wasn’t the only dwarf bidding on you. I know the sort of dwarfs your father must have offered you to. I don’t want to be like any of them.” He looked up to Kili’s eyes again. “I’ve forced myself on you once. I won’t do it again.”

Speaking his private thoughts never came easy to Thorin. Kili could see the shadow of embarrassment and instinctive self-defense behind every word spoken. But, more than anything, he saw sincerity. Relief flooded Kili and he almost gasped for the sweet air he hadn’t realized he had deprived himself from. It wasn’t lack of attraction that had kept Thorin away from Kili, but compassion. He wasn’t cruel—of course he wasn’t—he was only being kind in his own way. Instantly, Kili regretted ever doubting him. Hadn’t he almost always been perfectly caring and generous toward him? Hadn’t he called Thorin the most honorable dwarf he had ever known? He shouldn’t have ever questioned Thorin’s decisions—it was always for the interest of others. At this reminder, the frustration that had weighed down on Kili for days began to lift. In its place, there was now something warm that he associated with Thorin. Kili was a little calmer now, a little surer of himself. He hadn’t lost Thorin’s favor. He hadn’t lost the most important and best thing he had ever had. Kili could almost smile in relief. Yet, there remained one unresolved issue.

Kili rounded the table to stand beside Thorin. “You’re not like any of them. You won’t be,” he assured him quietly.

“You can’t be sure,” Thorin growled, sounding angrier at himself than at Kili. “I sometimes think only of myself and no one else.”

“So do I,” Kili admitted, shrugging awkwardly. “I’ve approached you without asking. I just made assumptions. I’m sorry,” he apologized profusely.

Thorin sighed. “Your assumptions weren’t incorrect,” he muttered, the confession clearly difficult for him to say, staining his cheeks slightly pink when it spilled out. The color disappeared as he drew himself to his full height. Even sitting, even as he was being kind, he still managed to look imposing and intimidating. Yet, Kili no longer felt any fear of him. “But, I’m aware now more than before how complicated our relation is. You are now obligated to obey me and I…” He paused and shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you more than you’ve already been hurt.”

Kili scoffed. “You won’t hurt me. It’s true!” he insisted when Thorin started to frown in protest. “No one has ever treated me as well as you do. No one has cared enough. They only think of what they could get from me. You’ve never hurt me. Even when you did, you were quick to remedy yourself and take care of me. I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you. And certainly I’ve never been happier!”

Something shifted in Thorin’s expression. There was a look now in his eyes Kili didn’t recognize. He only knew it was soft and warm, something he would like to have with him forever. His stoicism gentled and Kili noticed him leaning closer toward him. His fingers twitched on his knees, but he didn’t reach out for Kili. He was so very considerate even now and Kili was sure that there was no other dwarf he’d rather serve but him. Erebor might be a gilded cage and he might be nothing more than a slave, but if being here and being what he was allowed him to be near Thorin, he might have a chance for happiness and his family might have a chance for survival. This was where Kili wanted to be and he would do anything to stay.

“Kili,” Thorin started, his voice light. “Do you understand what you just said?”

“Of course.” Kili made to reach for Thorin’s hand but stopped himself just on time. He must wait. He couldn’t make any assumption again—even if Thorin claimed he had been correct. “I’ve come here to be your servant. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be but with you and nothing else I’d rather do but serve you. I’m not much, but if you’d give me the chance, I’ll never disappoint you again,” he promised fervently. If he could, Kili would sink to his knees and hold Thorin’s hand as he pleaded his case. But, he couldn’t and so could only hope that his earnestness and determination were properly conveyed through words and expression. “I’ll not move without your command. Say a word and I’ll obey without question. Just don’t turn me away and abandon my family. I’ll do anything, anything at all for you, I swear,” he implored.

There was yet another change upon Thorin’s face. Once again, Kili couldn’t recognize it. The gentleness was still present, but seemed to have turned a little sour. Kili’s mind quickly turned, assessing word he had just spoken for offense. Had he made yet another mistake? Had this been an offense? Should he have completely kept his mouth shut until Thorin desired him to speak? Worry constricted Kili’s chest, almost suffocating him. He wasn’t usually prone to strong emotions—even the first day he was sold he was quietly resigned—but he couldn’t help himself this time. This was more important than anything in his life. So many things had been taken away from him and he had learnt to let them go, but he didn’t know how he could survive Thorin’s rejection.

“You cannot promise such things,” Thorin said grimly, shaking his head.

Kili almost protested, but changed his mind, not wanting to upset Thorin. “Then, tell me what to do. Let me serve you and make you happy,” he begged.

“I won’t take advantage of you,” Thorin protested.

“You can’t take advantage of what is freely offered,” Kili countered. When Thorin considered him doubtfully, Kili begged him again. “Give me a chance.”

A long minute passed without any word spoken. Thorin studied Kili with a peculiar expression that Kili dared not interpret. He didn’t seem entirely opposed to the plea, at least, but he was clearly hesitant. Kili had nothing more to say, having spoken every argument he had kept inside, so he could only wait anxiously as he was being assessed. Between him and his brother, Fili had the sharper mind and greater self-control. He knew what to say when Kili was often at the mercy of his impulses. Kili could only hope he had said enough of the right things. At this critical moment, there could be no mistake.

At long last, Thorin moved, but only to sigh deeply. “What sort of command would you want from me?”

The words slipped out of Kili’s mouth before he could rethink them. “Tell me to please you. Any way you want. I won’t say no.”

Thorin looked at him for a moment and sighed again, more quietly this time. “You always please me.”

Before Kili could say anything in argument, he stood up. They were so close Kili could almost feel his body heat. Kili wanted to pull him close, feel the strength of the bulk of him once more, but held back, having painfully learnt from experience. He waited, instead, to see what Thorin would do, what decision he had come to. His heart began to pound in his chest. Faster and faster it went as Thorin tucked a stray hair behind his ear. His touch lingered on his hair and then his knuckles caressed Kili’s jaw and neck so lightly Kili almost shivered.

“You can always change your mind,” Thorin said quietly.

Kili knew he wouldn’t, but he nodded in understanding nonetheless. Then, Thorin leaned forward and kissed him.

His lips were soft and gentle, more so than Kili remembered, softer than in his dreams. How tenderly he kissed, his lips brushing and lightly moving against Kili’s, enjoying the sweet contact rather than demanding entrance. For so long he only kissed Kili this way, letting passion shimmer instead of burning bright. When he finally coaxed Kili to part his lips with his agile tongue, Kili did so with a longing moan, wishing more of his tenderness and yet yearning for his passion. A large hand slipped to his nape, holding him in place, while another firmly gripped his waist to bring him just close enough to press the length of his body against Thorin’s. Kili could feel heat slowly pool low in his belly, his cock filling steadily as Thorin carefully but thoroughly claimed his mouth. Hesitantly, Kili began to kiss him back, flicking his tongue lightly against the slick appendage running along every inch of him warm mouth. When this action was answered with a quiet hum, Kili’s courage grew. He kissed Thorin as he was kissing him, gently and slowly, reacquainting himself with the joy of pleasuring Thorin.

Kili whined when Thorin pulled away from the kiss, but he didn’t protest when Thorin tipped his head back so that he could have his way with his neck. Kili gasped and panted as Thorin laid wet but light kisses on his sensitive skin. Sometimes Thorin paused, wonderfully damp mouth closed over a patch of skin, and Kili thought he would mark him there, leave something to claim Kili’s body as his. But, Thorin only pressed his lips closer and lightly ran his tongue over the skin until Kili was all but mewling, unwittingly grinding his cock against Thorin’s strong body and oh, he hadn’t realized he was now fully hard, but he was, pulsing against his soft breeches and Thorin’s hip. Worry had just penetrated the fog of want in his mind when Thorin pulled his hips even closer, allowing and even demanding Kili to continue to tease himself against him. And so Kili did, slowly frotting on Thorin as his neck, jaw and ears were kissed to sensitivity. He clutched Thorin’s shoulders and moaned desirously when Thorin pressed his lips against a spot just below his jaw where his sorry stubbles ended, and lightly sucked on it. His hips thrust toward Thorin’s inviting bulk instinctively and suddenly Kili realize he couldn’t feel any answering hardness before him.

“Thorin?” he breathed in confusion, trying to see his face. Had he done something wrong? Did Thorin not find him desirable anymore?

Thorin sighed quietly, kissed his stubbled jaw and buried his nose on the crook of Kili’s neck. “It’s a little too soon for me. I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

Disappointment was heavy upon Kili’s heart. He had waited so long. It was terribly unfair that when Thorin finally decided to have him, someone had rendered him incapable of it. It should have been Kili. That was why he had travelled from Ered Luin to Erebor: to pleasure Thorin. He couldn’t do that now. Instead, it was Thorin who slipped a hand under his shirt to caress his side and teased his stiff nipple. It was Thorin who diligently mouthed his neck and ears and kissed him until he whimpered. It was Thorin who held his waist steady as he rubbed his hard cock against him. Kili knew Thorin occasionally derived pleasure from taking him apart and didn’t ask for anything in return, but Kili was still unhappy. He wanted Thorin to finally claim what he had purchased.

Kili grunted when he was trapped between Thorin and the table. Deft fingers undid his breeches and delved inside to give him a nice firm stroke that had him pushing into the knowing grip with a whine. A steady trickle spilled from his tip and Thorin took a moment to smear it over the flared head with his thumb, making Kili’s hips buck up in instinctive search for pleasure. This wasn’t the objective Thorin had in mind, however. Instead, his arm circled Kili’s waist, so that his fingers could slip between the swells of his buttocks. Kili gasped at the first pass of finger over his entrance. Thorin’s finger was dry, so he couldn’t push it in without causing significant discomfort, but he could run it around the ring of muscles, swirling closer and closer to the center to finally just push against the twitching entrance, only to pull away to circle around it again. It wasn’t nearly enough and it set Kili on fire with desire. He pushed back to invite the digit into him to fill the emptiness it had awakened and then thrust forward to the hip Thorin had helpfully provided for him to rut against, shamelessly eager. In the meantime, Thorin nipped the damp skin of his neck and shoulder, stinging Kili just enough to make him whine before soothing him with the wetness of his lovely tongue.

“Thorin. Thorin,” Kili chanted as he slipped the fingers of one of his hands into the tangle of Thorin’s long hair. With his other hand, he gripped Thorin’s thick arm to keep his finger where it was: teasing his fluttering entrance.

Thorin knew him too well and his cock wept just a little more with every brush of the dexterous finger around his hole, every soft nip and wet lick, every grind of his hips against Thorin. Still, it wasn’t enough. He wished Thorin could take him, make him stretch around his thick cock to remind him what it was like to be owned and cared for and protected. He wished he could come to the feeling of Thorin thrusting carefully into him. He wished he could tremble as Thorin’s hips stuttered and then stilled, his cock spurting thickly inside him. The mere thought of it brought a thick stream of early seed to spill from his desperately throbbing cock. Kili rutted against Thorin’s hips almost frantically. He ran his lips over Thorin’s greying temple and cried out when Thorin pushed the very tip of his finger into his tight body.

“I want you inside,” Kili gasped. He threw his head back when Thorin surprisingly obliged and let a half of his first knuckle entered Kili’s eager body. The dryness was uncomfortable, but the sensation of having something inside him after so long without this still sent liquid lust across Kili’s body and made his heavy stones tighten. “Thorin, please,” he begged unthinkingly.

Thorin inhaled sharply and suddenly, Kili’s lips were seized in a deep long kiss that he reciprocated with fervent desire. Thorin broke it with a gasp and groaned low. “How do you do this to me?” he asked breathlessly.

At first, Kili was uncomprehending, but then he felt the hardening of Thorin’s cock pressing against his thigh. Elated, he risked a fleeting kiss to the corner of Thorin’s panting mouth. “Let me help you,” he implored, squeezing Thorin’s arm to illustrate his intention.

Thorin looked at him heatedly and nodded, taking half a step back to allow Kili the space he needed. Without wasting much time, Kili undid Thorin’s breeches and then slipped his hand inside. He found Thorin’s cock at half-mast, yet the size was still impressive. Kili still vividly (and most fondly) remembered having the full thickness in his mouth, sucking and lapping on it hungrily even as it stretched his mouth almost to the limit. He had been denied it thrice now and he was determined to have it inside him, branding him as no hot iron could, as no other dwarf could or would.

Patiently but expertly, Kili worked him up to fullness, the hot flesh growing temptingly in his stroking hand. This position disallowed him to rub himself on Thorin, but he didn’t mind as Thorin was now kissing him, deep and long and slowly growing out of control. There was less finesse now, just slick slides of tongues against each other accompanied by muffled moans and groans. Thorin had pulled out his finger and instead only rested it against the clenching furl, a torture Kili diligently sought. He rocked back, begging the digit to enter him again, but only gained a gentle squeeze of his cheek as a response. To retaliate, Kili swirled his thumb over the wet tip of the hardness in his hand. When a bead of wetness surfaced, he gently dug his thumb into the slit, teasing Thorin where he was most sensitive. The impressive erection leapt in his hand and when Kili teased the stones hanging below it, Thorin moaned desirously into his mouth.

“If you still want more,” Thorin gasped between wet kisses. He leaned forward for another heated kiss when Kili’s hand did a wicked trick on his throbbing cock and pumped him firmly until he couldn’t but thrust into the slick sheath of the fist. “If you still want more, we should move to the divan,” he managed to say.

Kili wanted more. He wanted everything Thorin would give him. After giving a little twist to the thick erection, he removed his hand. Thorin’s hand still on his cheek tightened again before following suit. The heated but patient look in Thorin’s brilliant eyes almost made Kili want his kiss again, but he had another thing in mind now. He moved to the divan and was glad to feel Thorin follow just behind him. Quickly, he settled on his back on it and just as quickly, Thorin sat between his legs. One leg was swiftly bared, but the other remained clothed, the leg of Kili’s breeches only pushed down to his knee. Thorin pushed his shirt up his chest until it was caught under his armpits, a hint of impatience finally slipping through his otherwise calm demeanors. Kili didn’t know what sort of sight he made, only partly bared but with his legs spread and his red cock standing proudly amidst a nest of dark hair. His exposed torso rose and fell with his breaths and on his chest pink nipples begged for attention. Thorin eyed him, eyes dark with lust, and licked his lips. The next thing Kili knew, his hot mouth was upon one of his nipples, tongue flickering over tightening bud before the lips tightened around it and Thorin sucked. A large hand ran down his side to settle—torturously—at his hip to keep him down. Kili arched his back with a cry, holding tightly onto the divan for purchase.

There was franticness that hadn’t been present before. Thorin’s mouth was hungrier and more demanding as it switched between Kili’s nipples and neck. He moved his hips purposefully, crushing desperate cocks between skin and silk. The thick heads of the erections nudged each other once in a while, teasing and tempting. Kili moaned and threw his head back when Thorin sucked on a particular spot on his neck only to soothe the sting shortly with gentle licks. He had barely caught his breath when Thorin seized his lips in a deep passionate kiss that further ignited his lust, making his cock twitch and dripped where it was trapped between their bodies. As always, Thorin didn’t allow desire to completely overcome himself, but he utilized thoroughness that made Kili feel claimed as never before, his body melting and surrendering under the solid bulk of Thorin above him. Whimpering quietly, Kili wrapped his arms around Thorin’s muscular back as he helplessly licked into Thorin’s mouth and ground his aching cock against Thorin’s hardness.

Groaning, Thorin pulled away from the kiss. Before Kili could either worry or protest he had procured a vial of oil from his pocket. The reminder of what Thorin had gotten up to recently still stung, but Kili spread his legs wider dutifully. He watched Thorin coat his thick fingers and closed his eyes when one slid wonderfully slowly into him, filling the emptiness that had eaten at him for so long.

It had been a while since Kili was touched this way. He hardly ever opened himself unless commanded, and since Thorin purchased him, he hadn’t even considered it, believing that only Thorin had the right to do it to him or commanded him to do it to himself from then on. He was tight. Kili could feel his body trying to remember how to relax around an intrusion. Muscles clenched around the finger and when another one was pushed in, Kili let out a small whimper and tried to open his legs impossibly wider. It was torturous, but it was also satisfying. He had missed this, had missed how Thorin caressed every ridge of him, carefully oil every bit of him, stretch him to later accommodate his cock, and tease that place that made his hips buck and his cock jerk. Thorin’s hand on his thigh was his anchor and Kili wanted to hold it tight. But, he only gripped his coat beneath him and arched his back when a third finger was slowly, inexorably pushed into his tight hole. A thumb caressed the widened ring of muscles when all three fingers had settled deep inside him and Kili closed his eyes even tighter, fearing that a glimpse of Thorin’s face would undo him. He breathed heavily as Thorin moved his fingers in and out of him, occasionally curling them to make Kili keen and tremble. Kili felt quite stretched already, but he knew he could never be fully ready for Thorin.

The fingers were finally removed and the void they left behind was almost painful. Kili’s heart raced in his chest when Thorin settled himself above him, his frame covering Kili’s. When nothing else followed for a good while, Kili frowned and opened his eyes, wondering if there was something wrong, if Thorin had changed his mind. He was greeted, however, by the sight of Thorin’s expectant face, and the moment their eyes met, Thorin bent down to kiss his cheek. Then, Kili finally felt that familiar pressure against his entrance. His body yielded, but he still panted and held vast onto Thorin’s shoulders as he was breached in one unhalting thrust, Thorin’s thick cock parting tight channel and reaching deep where only he should ever be. There was that thought again that Kili would split upon the girth, but he didn’t, only pleasantly stretched to his very limit. His slick muscles trembled and fluttered around Thorin, but they gave way for his master and Thorin was soon nestled as deep inside him as he could possibly be, completing him and finally making him his.

Kili trembled with sensation. His entire body was sensitive, passion lighting up every nerve in his body. When Thorin moved with careful undulations of his hips, Kili gasped and moaned, almost overwhelmed by sensations crashing over him. It wasn’t much, wasn’t enough, yet it was too much. Every thrust into his body brought wetness to the tip of his cock and every pull out of him made him feel keenly how empty he was. When Thorin kissed him again, Kili was lost to his instincts. Daringly (and desperately), he held Thorin’s plump cheek to keep him close as he tilted his hips to meet his thrusts. Fortunately, Thorin didn’t seem to mind, groaning into his mouth and seemingly trying to get deeper inside Kili than he already was. It wasn’t possible of course, their bodies already pressed together as closely as they possibly could, but Kili spread his legs and pulled him close and moaned whenever Thorin fully seated himself in the depth of him.

A needy whine escaped his mouth when Thorin pulled away to sit back, still buried in him. By now Thorin’s hair was in disarray, his pale skin flushed, and his lips kiss-swollen, and Kili wanted him so much. Hot palms ran up his torso to stop at Kili’s chest. Some had hurt him there, but Thorin merely lightly flicked his nipples to the same speed that he was thrusting into Kili. It was a little maddening, but when Kili arched his back for more, he moved one hand down to caress his heaving abdomen and finally loosely circle the base of Kili’s cock, making his breath hitch. Kili panted, staring wantonly at the large hand holding him motionlessly. If the clever finger still caressing his nipple was maddening, the warmth and friction teasing his aching cock was utter torture. Thorin held the swollen hardness almost perpendicular to his body, allowing him to see when a pearly bead gathered at the tip and slowly slipped down, down to Thorin’s firm hand. Just before it reached the hand, Thorin surged forward with power he had so far withheld and Kili cried out, throwing his head back in ecstasy. Before he sufficiently recovered, Thorin’s hand moved, pumping him and smearing his own slickness all over his cock, and his thrusts grew long and powerful, each one pushing air out of Kili’s lungs until he gasped and whimpered for mercy. Deep in his belly, heat and tension grew as he inched closer and closer toward release and he knew from Thorin’s steady breathing that he wasn’t quite done yet.

“Stop that,” Kili panted out, though unsure whether he referred to the fingers now rolling his nipple, the hand stroking his aching cock, or the cock spearing into him so perfectly. “I’ll come. I’ll come if you keep doing that,” he warned breathlessly.

“Then, come,” Thorin urged him, tightening his grip around Kili’s red cock.

Kili bit his lip and shook his head when his erection jerked in Thorin’s hand. His stones were so heavy below his cock where they brushed against Thorin whenever he sank back inside. Kili tried not to think about that as it frayed his control further. “You’re not close yet!”

Thorin sighed, a weary but fond smile on his face. “I will be once you come around me,” he assured Kili. “I’ll not withhold your pleasure. Take it whenever you want.”

And with that his stroking hand moved faster and he found an angle that almost made Kili shout in pleasure. Whines were the only noises Kili could offer when his prostate was battered, stroked ceaselessly by the thickness claiming him. He held onto Thorin’s strong thighs as he thrust upward into the satisfying strokes and pushed downward to take more of Thorin’s impressive cock inside him. It didn’t take very long for him to completely unravel, cock jerking and spurting thick seed that landed on his sweaty torso and body clenching like a vice around Thorin’s erection. Kili moaned and trembled weakly as he was wrung dry by Thorin’s strong hand, pleasure spreading from his sensitive cock to the tips of his fingers and curled toes. And yet through it all, Thorin only faltered briefly, stopping a moment to enjoy the clench of Kili’s hold around him as he came hard over himself. Soon, he resumed his speed, this time with shorter thrusts that denoted his mounting need.

Kili’s eyes were half closed when his soft cock was abandoned so Thorin could hold his hip in place. His release had made him lethargic, but he couldn’t and didn’t want to rest yet, not when Thorin was pounding into him with enough force to keep him from breathing easily. Relief that had nothing to do with his recent pleasure came over Kili and he stroked Thorin’s arm up to his shoulder where he then pushed Thorin’s hair away from his face. He didn’t expect Thorin to groan and dove down to claim his mouth, but he welcomed it all the same. He parted his lips, letting Thorin plunder him as he pleased, and held Thorin close as his hips started to move erratically, seeking pleasure deep in Kili’s body. So soon after his release, the intense pleasure was bordering on pain, but Kili made no complaint. He kissed Thorin languidly, unable to muster half the passion Thorin poured into the kiss, but enjoying being able to taste him again while his body was taken by his master. When Thorin finally came, his whole body tensed for a prolonged moment atop Kili and wetness spread inside Kili. Thorin wrenched his lips away and pressed them against the side of Kili’s face as his hips moved again, slowly this time, to milk the rest of his seed and spread it all over Kili’s willing body. Kili sighed and smiled to the ceiling.

They stayed that way, long after Thorin had ceased his instinctive moving, after they both had regained their breaths. Thorin was warm over Kili’s body, and protective rather than heavy and overbearing. He wasn’t kissing Kili or marking him anymore, but his lips moved over Kili’s damp skin teasingly. Lazy, relieved, and pleased with himself, Kili combed Thorin’s hair with his fingers. He could stay here forever, he thought. He’d be pleased to spend the rest of his days in Thorin’s gentle arms. Even the wrongness of who they were to each other was a distant thought in his mind. The beginning of soreness in his body didn’t bother him. It was a small and familiar cost to being with Thorin, one Kili didn’t mind paying over and over again. Kili shifted slightly, wishing both his legs were free so he could wrap them around Thorin to keep them there with him longer.

But, they must part. Bofur must by now be worried about what they were doing alone in Thorin’s office and the last thing they wanted was to be found naked and in each other’s arms. So, they parted. Quietly they cleaned each other and helped each other redress. After the intimacy, it was strange to keep their touches strictly perfunctory. Worry grew back within Kili. It wasn’t helped by the small frown upon Thorin’s otherwise unreadable expression. Had he done something wrong? Was he not good enough? Did Thorin decide not to keep him after all? Kili’s fear didn’t dissipate when Thorin patted his shoulder once they were both properly dressed. There was distance once more between them that Kili thought he had crossed. He wanted to plead his case again, but what was left to say or do? If his words and body couldn’t convince Thorin, what else could he do?

“Go now. I’ll see you after dinner,” Thorin said with a placating smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Can I stay? I promise I won’t bother you. Mister Balin has let me go home early and I’ve nothing to do,” Kili begged.

However, Thorin shook his head. “Bofur and Bifur will be worried. We’ll talk again tonight after they’ve gone to sleep.”

This gave Kili some hope, but he was still cautious, not knowing the conversation Thorin intended to have. He still might send Kili away after all, and then his family would pay for his incompetence. Four hundred gold coins a year. Kili had to prove that he was as good as that amount of gold. He didn’t know how it would be possible as he was as used and broken as a dwarf could be. Nevertheless, he nodded obediently to Thorin’s command and left the study, hoping he wouldn’t have to bear bad news to his family.

Bofur and Bifur did worry, although they fortunately didn’t question Kili. Most importantly, neither of them had looked particularly disgusted when Kili emerged from Thorin’s study, indicating that they hadn’t noticed or suspected anything. That was at least a comforting thought. Kili fled to his room before neither of them could gather the courage to ask him anything. However, books failed to hold his attention for long and his fingers faltered on the string of his fiddle. There was little Kili could do to alleviate his restlessness other than pacing the floor while waiting for the sun to set. This in turn reminded him of what had recently taken place. There was soreness, distinct but not distracting, all over his body. When Kili examined himself, he found no mark to give anything away, other than mild redness that he knew would soon be gone. He needn’t check to know that his entrance had suffered not much worse. Yet, the dwarf he had seen before had limped, pain palpable to all who saw him. Thorin had held none of his strength back from the dwarf, but he had with Kili. Was it simply a matter of his goodness or was it because he wasn’t as attracted to Kili as he was to the dwarf? Was his delayed reaction to Kili truly due to exhaustion and not disinterest?

Kili had no way of answering his troubling questions on his own. When the dusk finally arrived, he made himself presentable and went to dinner. His heart was in his throat as he walked the short distance to the dining room. He knew Thorin wouldn’t humiliate him, and therefore expose themselves, before company, but he was still nervous. This wasn’t at all helped when Thorin merely greeted him with a nod and hardly acknowledged him throughout the meal.

Kili tried to take comfort in the lack of animosity. There used to be such tension between them. He distinctly and painfully recalled Thorin’s scowls at this plate to avoid looking at Kili. He seemed far more agreeable now. When Kili timidly started conversation, his answers weren’t brusque anymore, although he still seemed to loathe speaking for long. There was no use in gauging his thoughts and feelings as they were carefully guarded. Kili was quite at a loss and could barely eat anything from the delicious spread Bombur had prepared. He could tell that Bofur and Bifur were increasingly worried, eyeing him surreptitiously, but he couldn’t explain himself to them. In the end, there was nothing to do but retire to his room early, even before Thorin had finished eating. However, this wasn’t running away. This was in fact rushing into relief, for the answers for his anxious questions would only be delivered when the house had slept.

It took many hours. The door was too thick for him to hear anything from his room and he didn’t dare to check outside. He waited and waited and waited until finally, when almost all hopes had left him and he was sure the marble floor had been worn by his pacing, his door was pushed open and Thorin entered in soft shirt and breeches he must have worn to bed. He looked very alert, however, if a little wary. Kili could only speculate what he had in his mind as he waited, once again, quietly at the center of his room, his heart beating so loudly in his ears he could scarcely hear anything beside. He watched Thorin closely as he studied his room. He hadn’t been there since the day Kili arrived and seemed rather curious about the changes Kili had made—the books and items strewn around the room, the coat haphazardly hung over the back of the chair, a small box of jewelries Thorin had gifted him, and combs and pipe Kili hadn’t thought to put away. His eyes lingered for a moment to the bed, rising Kili’s hope, but he soon turned to Kili again in all seriousness.

“When your father sent me a letter offering… your services, I understood his plan perfectly,” he began, grimacing. “He didn’t coerce me—no, he was subtler than that—but he made promises, the nature of which I’m sure I don’t have to tell you.”

Full obedience. Full authority. Full ownership. Yes, Kili knew the promises well. He was to exist solely for his master’s pleasure. He was to have no boundary, no opinion for himself, no preference, no complaint. He was to be free to use and abuse. Had he any pride left, he would protest for his dignity. But, he knew his place. There was no part of him that had yet to be spoiled and his fear for his wellbeing was eclipsed by his fear for his family’s. He hadn’t minded, not terribly. He had been resigned to that terrible fate of being an object. That was until he learnt that Thorin had purchased him.

“I didn’t have to send anyone to Ered Luin to know what was happening. My previous stay has given me clear illustration of his character and the indignity he reduced you to.” Here he paused, looking at Kili steadily. When he spoke, his voice was gravely. “I didn’t want to accept the offer. I know my gold would go to his own pleasure instead of his family’s welfare. I didn’t want to further support his mistreatment of his family and I certainly didn’t want to lower myself to the rank of the dwarfs to whom you had been offered. I have done it once, I didn’t want to do it again.”

“Oh,” Kili could only breathe quietly. His heart sinking so quickly, his stomach turning to terribly, he was a little disoriented. He lowered his eyes, staring at the marble floor guiltily. Of course. Someone as honorable as Thorin wouldn’t want to be reduced to such things. But, Vilir could be bullheaded when he wanted something. Kili wasn’t the only one debased, Thorin had been debased, too.

“But, I couldn’t leave you, knowing the sort of dwarfs you would otherwise be sent to. I made an offer. It might be foolish of me, but I did. I had to take you away from Ered Luin no matter the cost. But, I promised myself I would never do to you what other dwarfs have and would’ve done to you. I would provide for you, give you everything you should’ve had in the first place, but I would never touch you.”

At first, Kili’s hope was rejuvenated, but apprehension subdued it, and horror extinguished it. He remembered his attempts at seducing Thorin, horrified. He felt immediately ill. Had he sank so low that he had become the very people who had abused him? “I didn’t mean to… I’m very sorry,” he apologized profusely.

Thorin only smiled at him wearily. “You shouldn’t have approached me, but I believe you wouldn’t have done that had I made myself clear to you the moment you arrived in Erebor. I said nothing because despite everything I vowed to myself, I want you. I…” He stopped, looking away to collect himself. “I allow myself to be tempted. I want to be tempted,” he admitted. “But, now that the truth is out, I want you to choose carefully whether you want my attention or not. Know that whatever your decision is, I will respect it and I will not send you away nor withdraw my support for your family.”

Kili stared at Thorin in shock. “But, then what will you get out of me?” he asked, uncomprehending.

“You work for me now, don’t you?”

“Yes, but I hardly earn four hundred gold coins a year!”

Thorin waved his hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter. The fact that you work is enough for me.”

In Kili’s unfortunately extensive experience with the wealthy, he learnt one important thing: they often—too often—forgot the value of their possessions. They had too much that nothing seemed to be of any significance anymore. Now, Thorin was good, he was humble and everything Kili thought no one could be, but he, too, suffered from that blindness. Four hundred gold coins meant nothing for he who owned a luxurious home atop the Lonely Mountain, who had multiple successful stores in the richest cities of Middle Earth, who was commissioned by the dwarf king himself, who owned more than what all of Ered Luin had combined. But, four hundred gold coins weren’t insignificant to Kili, a mere whore sold to his own uncle by his father. They certainly weren’t insignificant to his family in Ered Luin. He had to secure the payment and couldn’t risk the whims of he who could have everything the world had to offer. Kili was easily replaceable—he had been replaced earlier. He had to make sure he would never be replaced again.

“I like your attention,” Kili said truthfully. “I could hardly stop thinking about it after you were gone from Ered Luin.”

“You flatter me,” Thorin commented dryly.

Thorin didn’t move when Kili approached him slowly. His eyes were completely unreadable as he studied Kili, his thoughts once again hidden. Kili tried not to be discouraged. He had been given options and Thorin had just admitted that he wanted him. It was unlikely for him to be turned away. Slowly, Kili undid the lace on Thorin’s shirt, revealing the powerful chest he hadn’t had the opportunity to see earlier. He ran his fingers through the exposed hair and stopped at the scar over his heart. It was a reminder of how fleeting everything was, how nothing was truly secure and safe after all. As good and generous as Thorin was, Kili couldn’t be lenient.

“I choose your attention. If you’d let me have it, of course,” he added hastily, remembering his near mistakes.

Thorin looked at him closely for a moment, most likely trying to determine his resolve. But, there was no uncertainty for him to find, for Kili was fully resolved. Eventually, Thorin closed his eyes and sighed, then slid his hand to the back of Kili’s nape, holding him gently but steadily. “Only on the conditions that there will be no more of your surprises and that you will tell me when you don’t desire my attention.”

Kili nodded readily without thought, his chest almost bursting with relief and excitement. “Of course!”

Then, Thorin pulled him into a kiss, slow and deep and purposeful and everything Kili could possibly dream about from a master. To be owned by someone was indeed far from ideal. Kili wasn’t ignorant of the freedom and agency he no longer had. However, was it so terrible to be owned by Thorin, the kindest, most honorable dwarf Kili had ever known? Was it truly distressing to give him such power over Kili? It could be worse. It could be so much worse. Indeed, earlier in the day when he said he was never happier and safer than when he was with Thorin, he hadn’t lied. There were few places he’d rather be than near Thorin and now that was where he would be and there he would stay if he could help it. Later that night, when he was impaled once again on Thorin’s cock, gently embraced by Thorin’s strong arms, enveloped by utter happiness as he had never before felt, Kili smiled into the kiss they shared.

Chapter Text

The days passed easier after that. The tension between them gone, Kili could talk with Thorin freely once more. He could sense relief wafting from Bofur and Bifur when he talked and joked with Thorin over their meals. There wasn’t a hint of suspicion coming from them–Kili had made sure of it. He maintained a respectable distance from Thorin and kept his touches for the night, when Thorin would slip unnoticed into his room. There, illuminated by lowly burning hearth, they kissed and touched to their hearts’ content until dawn forced Thorin to leave Kili’s room. Feeling more secure of his situation, Kili no longer demanded but offered. He undressed himself when Thorin’s desire was roused and then he waited, just as the night Kili had first came to Thorin. He allowed himself to be moved about, positioned to suit Thorin’s moods. Most of the time, he was on his back, as Thorin liked looking at him and being able to kiss him when he had him. Kili didn’t mind. After so long without, he felt like he couldn’t have enough of looking at Thorin’s face in the throes of passion and kissing him breathless.

During the day, Kili’s work kept him occupied. He was kept busy even as he was given more freedom than he had had in years. Thorin didn’t concern himself with who Kili associated himself with, what he dabbled in in his free time, or what interests he cultivated. He listened carefully when Kili told him about them, but he never interfered and was always encouraging him to grow outside of his house and influences. He had so much faith in Kili that Kili was ashamed because he couldn’t say the same about himself.

Kili often wondered if Thorin called the dwarf who had replaced Kili again while Kili was at work. Bofur had said that Thorin only called the dwarf sometimes, but Kili was worried. Kili (unfortunately) had more than enough experience in pleasuring other dwarfs, but he feared he couldn’t be compared with those whose trade was pleasure. He still remembered how well the dwarf had dressed, how he had carried himself, how he had seduced without being undressed. Knowing the extent of Thorin’s wealth as he did now, Kili was sure it wasn’t an ordinary dwarf whom he had called. Kili had heard of these dwarfs, although he had never met one before that fateful day. He knew they were witty and well-educated, trained to please both physically and mentally. He had heard of those who had managed to win over rich dwarfs and gained for themselves a secure future and (some) respect from the society. Kili meanwhile was barely educated and physical labor had left unaesthetic marks on him. His jokes were crude and simple, his stories lacking depth of perception. Thorin had been very patient with him so far, but Kili wondered how long it would take before he realized that he had at his disposal those Kili could never dream of imitating.

But, so far: nothing. Kili discretely looked for evidence of a visitor when he came back from work and found none. He searched Thorin’s body, too, for any leftover mark, something to warm him that his days were numbered, but there was nothing more than the scars he had fondly memorized. Kili wondered if there was anything to be found in Thorin’s room, which he still hadn’t been permitted into. Sometimes, Kili invented excuses to enter the room, but he couldn’t bring himself use them despite his anxious curiosity. In Ered Luin, he had acted as his father commanded him to. Here, he must act as Thorin desired him to, and Thorin desired him not to intrude upon his room. As much as Kili wished to see the beautiful room again, he didn’t want to disobey Thorin.

Today, however, there was no time for bleak speculations and anxious plotting. Thorin was scheduled for his weekly supervision of his shop in Dale and all of his employees wanted to give him the very best impression. Since Kili arrived in the morning, he had worked almost without stop. Heavy boxes needed to be moved, equipment cleaned, goods polished, shop tidied. There was no such thing as too good for Thorin’s discerning eyes, as Kili had learnt in the past months. He demanded firmly but politely the very best from his employees and they were only too eager to deliver, for all of them without exception respected and admired him. Kili, too, shared these sentiments—perhaps even more so than others since he knew the private side of Thorin no one else did. He worked tirelessly in hope of impressing Thorin and was anxious for his arrival. Whenever he had a moment or two, he would look out of windows or doors to see if Thorin had arrived. They spent hours together at home in the evening, but Kili couldn’t have enough of his company and these weekly visits were lovely treats for Kili, even if it meant he had to work harder than usual. Thorin never held back when there was something he thought Kili should do better. His criticism stung, but Thorin meant well and Kili was happy to see that he wasn’t treated differently because of their connection. It made it easier for him to befriend other employees and, perhaps more importantly, it didn’t harm their respect for Thorin. In fact, he liked to think that this elevated Thorin in their eyes, for few could boast about an employer who treated blood and strangers equally. Their respect and loyalty grew stronger with Thorin’s impartiality to Kili and Kili couldn’t be happier for it.

Thorin arrived in silence, but still managed to change the air in the shop. Everyone worked harder, hunching closer to their tables or walking faster with armful of goods. Kili watched enviously as Balin left his office to welcome Thorin. He wanted to talk to Thorin, but he knew he would be better appreciated if he stayed behind with his work. So, Kili did, diligently polishing pretty jewelries to be displayed and sold at the store. It was a new task Balin had given him, when Balin noticed Kili’s sharp eyes. Kili might not have the skill to shape pretty jewelries (yet,) but he knew how to make gemstones and gold shine and display their delicate cuts and forms. As far as promotion went, it was a very modest one, but Kili was still proud of it. He had always been valued for his brute strength and the pleasure which could be derived from his body. It was the first time he was praised for his talent and skill. Minor as it might be, Kili was delighted with it and showed it by working industriously.

A shadow fell over Kili, blocking the light with which he examined gemstones on jewelries. He looked up with a smile, knowing immediately who it was. True enough, Thorin’s familiar face greeted him with a warm expression. He picked up a dainty piece of bracelet Kili was working on, and inspected it under the light. He turned it this way and that as Kili watched him expectantly. When Thorin finally finished his examination, he gave Kili a small nod, not different from what he did to other employees who had satisfied him except for the gentleness of his eyes and smile. Those, Kili knew, was for him alone and his heart swelled in joy at the sight of the evidence that he had pleased Thorin.

“Well done. Balin is right to assign you this task,” he said approvingly.

In past visits, Thorin had given Kili advices to improve his work. This was the first time he had been instantly satisfied with what he saw. Kili puffed out his chest proudly. “Thank you! I wouldn’t be this good if not for your advices!” Kili said, referring to Thorin’s lesson on how to clean delicate jewelries, what defects he should look for, and how to display them in a way that emphasized their beauties.

“I spent a few years with this very task. My father insisted that I should know every process in our shops.”

Behind him, Balin chuckled. “As I recall, you weren’t too fond of this task. You thought it rather dull, in fact.”

Thorin cleared his throat self-consciously as Kili perked up in gleeful curiosity. “It is an important task, however, and it was important to have thorough knowledge of the business I was to run.” Then, he turned to Kili. “What do you think of it?”

Kili shrugged. “I can’t say it’s very exciting, but I like being useful and these jewelries are so beautiful I can’t get tired of looking at them!”

“You take to it better than I did, then,” Thorin commented, smiling.

“I like to think so!” Kili said with a laugh. “I think I still have much to learn, though.”

“Don’t hesitate to ask others to help and teach you. You have in this room the most skillful jewelry makers. Their skills and knowledge will be valuable for you should you decide to continue to work in this field.”

Although no one said anything, Kili could tell that every dwarf in the room was very proud to hear what Thorin just said, sitting up straighter at his words. On his part, however, Thorin seemed completely unaware of this. He only looked at the jewelries Kili was currently cleaning and noticed nothing else. Yet he must know his authority and influence on these dwarfs for he was a kind master to them for so many decades and thus must have seen their deep loyalty to him. Kili would mark him for being humble, but he had seen how Thorin carried himself in public. There was a distinct pride in Thorin’s attitudes and behaviors—this was a dwarf who knew his power and worth. Only perhaps he had taken them for granted. Those who had one thing or another in abundance sometimes ended up neglecting to pay them the care and attention they were due.

“I do plan to continue for as long as you and Mr. Balin would have me!” Kili enthused.

“Oh, I have no qualm in keeping such a hardworking dwarf in our employment,” Balin said, winking playfully to Kili.

Kili grinned to him in gratitude and turned to Thorin for his verdict. “What do you think? Would you keep me?” he asked, leaning toward Thorin hopefully.

Thorin blinked at him. “That remains to be seen,” he said after some deliberation. Before Kili’s spirit could sink too low, he gave him a smile. Then, he turned away to supervise the other workers, leaving Kili to his task once again.

Although that wasn’t exactly the answer Kili wanted to hear, he tried not to be too discouraged. Thorin was a fair employer. If he had better employee or if Kili’s work was unsatisfactory, he wouldn’t keep him in his employment. It was as fair an answer as one could expect and Kili respected Thorin for it. He smiled at Thorin when he passed him by again to go to Balin’s office to discuss paperworks. Kili wished he could join them if only to spend some more time with Thorin because Thorin didn’t usually stay long after examining the paperworks. However, after such high praises from Thorin and Balin, Kili felt he should stay and continue his task. So, he turned his attention to the beautiful jewelries on his desk rather than watching Thorin’s retreating figure, reminding himself that he would have later the whole evening and perhaps even till dawn to spend with Thorin in the Lonely Mountain.

Kili was so engrossed in his task that he lost track of time. He was jolted back to awareness when he felt eyes on the back of his head some time later. Dormant hunter instinct made him look to the source of the potential threat. However, all tension left his body when he saw that it was only Thorin standing nearby, likely waiting for Kili to notice him. A smile began to spread on Kili’s face, but froze when he noticed something in Thorin’s face. To others who didn’t know Thorin well, he might not look out of ordinary, but Kili knew better, having spent uncountable days learning Thorin to better serve him. Thorin didn’t seem angry, but there was tightness in his eyes where there hadn’t been when he first came to talk to Kili. Kili immediately sat up straighter, brows furrowed in concern.

“Come with me,” Thorin commanded.

Kili complied without question. He left his work, trusting anyone who might ask for him to excuse him as he was being requested directly by Thorin. He was led to the storage area of the shop, a well-protected room none was allowed to enter except with supervision. Some dwarfs working nearby looked up when Thorin unlocked the door to the room, but looked away when they saw that it was only him and Kili. Kili could hardly spare his friends a friendly smile, concerned as he was with what Thorin wanted with him. It must be quite serious if he was led to a private space. Was it something that Thorin and Balin had discussed earlier? Kili didn’t think there had been anything significant happening at the shop, but he could be wrong. After all, he knew very little of the details of the shop management. Kili hoped nothing bad was happening as he knew how much the business meant for Thorin. It was more than a source of income to him, but also a legacy for him to maintain and protect. Kili could only imagine how angry and devastated he would be if something were to happen to it.

Kili had hardly closed the door behind him when he was suddenly pushed against it, Thorin’s lips plundering his with unexpected demands. The door slammed shut under their combined weight. Kili blinked in shock and confusion even as his body instinctively yielded to the familiarity of Thorin. He parted his lips at the barest prodding of tongue, letting Thorin licked into his mouth to reclaim what he had marked as his just last night. One large hand gripped the back of Kili’s neck to keep him pliant, and another held his hip firmly to keep him still. Even through their layers of clothes, Kili could feel the beginning of Thorin’s erection, his formidable cock pressing insistently against the crease of Kili’s thigh. Kili’s body responded to it. Without thought, he parted his legs so Thorin could slot himself between them. Kili clutched at Thorin’s side, moaning into his mouth, as Thorin began to rut against him, stoking their lust until their cocks were both at full mast, two columns of hardness ground against each other through fabrics.

Kili managed to briefly tear his lips away from Thorin to gasp as he was rocked in a rhythm most familiar to him. His hands slid to Thorin’s cheeks purely on physical memories. Eyes slipping closed, Kili was reminded to how Thorin’s body gracefully and powerfully undulated as he thrust into his willing body. The barest hint of a moan just escaped his mouth when Thorin drew him into a dizzying kiss again and Kili was powerless to resist him. The hand on his neck lowered to his chest and slipped into his tunic where clever fingers found his nipple with unerring accuracy. Kili arched his back, whining into Thorin’s demanding mouth, when the sensitive bud was rolled and pulled teasingly in sharp counterpoint to the powerful rocking of his hips. Tension coiled in Kili’s lower belly and his cock throbbed and drooled in his breeches, threatening to spill in not too long. Yet, the way Thorin ground onto him made Kili all too aware of a certain hunger which could only be satisfied in one way. A release without it would feel incomplete.

As if reading his mind (and maybe he did, as they knew each other’s body very intimately,) Thorin released his lips and with an impatient grunt fumbled with Kili’s breeches just long enough to slip his hand into the back of it. Kili bucked his hips when a dry finger pad touched his furled entrance. Thorin didn’t push it in—not yet—but it was there, a pressure impossible to ignore with its promises of pleasure and possession. Kili’s hips rocked erratically, confused whether to seek more of the potential fullness only Thorin could deliver or to shy away from the discomfort that was sure to follow a dry entry. Under his movements, the door rattled and Kili froze, remembering the dwarfs milling outside. The door and walls were thick, but not so thick that they would completely hide any noise. Kili bit his lip against moans that threatened to spill out when Thorin began to mouth at his neck, making him tremble with want. The finger over his entrance circled it maddeningly and Kili wished he didn’t want it to push into him and prepare him for Thorin. The door creaked quietly again behind him in warning.

“Thorin-ah. There are people outside,” he panted out. Kili gasped quietly when the only answer he received was Thorin moving his mouth to the skin just below his stubbles, forcing him to tilt his head back with a soft thud as it collided against the door. “They’ll hear us,” he warned Thorin breathlessly.

His nipple was tugged—not too hard, but enough to almost make him cry out in surprise. Before he could remember to be quiet, Thorin’s finger slowly began to press against him. The pressure was light, maddening, as Thorin waited for Kili’s body to admit him in. It always admitted him in. Kili couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop his body from slowly giving way to the finger even as his mind rebelled against the idea of being taken against the door while there were people just outside who might hear them. Frantic with lust and fear, he gripped Thorin’s shoulders. He didn’t dare to push him away, but he couldn’t simply keep still and let Thorin have his way with him.

“We’ll be… You’ll…” Kili tried to stop him. “Thorin,” he gasped when the very tip of the finger finally slipped into him. At the same time, Thorin ground hard against him, the double pleasure promising ecstasy, humiliation, and ruin. Slick tongue swept over his neck and as Kili arched his back, he thought he could hear murmurs of conversation through the wooden door, frighteningly close to where they were hiding, near enough to hear Thorin took what shouldn’t be but was his. “No!” Kili choked out.

For one terrible moment, Kili thought he would be ignored, just as he had been ignored at the meadow a long time ago in Ered Luin, made to submit to Thorin’s whimsical passion. But, then Thorin stopped and Kili’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He watched fearfully with wide eyes as Thorin drew away slowly, an assessing look on his face. Kili opened his mouth to apologize and beg him to continue, but he was still so keenly aware of how easily they could be found, the consequences that both of them would have to face if they were discovered. He couldn’t let anything happen to Thorin after everything he had done for Kili and his family. But, what if by doing so he had angered Thorin? What of Kili’s family in Ered Luin?

“Good.”

Kili started. “What?”

Thorin studied him calmly. “I wasn’t sure you’d stop me.”

Kili was even more confused. Did Thorin want Kili to stop him? Why? Was this some kind of play? Had Kili’s usual submission bored him and he wanted new excitement? Kili recalled a night in Ered Luin when they had wrestled in bed before Thorin took him. Thorin had looked happy then, almost as happy as he had looked when they sparred. Was that what Thorin wanted, to be denied and fought back, therefore giving him a reason to force himself onto Kili? The thought of it was sickening to Kili, who had had others’ desires forced onto him too many times to count. He didn’t mind rougher play, but this was something entirely different, certainly not something he wished to associate with Thorin. But if Thorin wanted it, if that was what he desired, if that was how Kili could keep him from losing interest in him…

“When you’re ready, we’ll go back outside.”

Neither of them was in a state to be seen by others. Thorin turned away from Kili to inspect the goods in the room, while Kili tried to keep himself from looking at his master and thinking about what had just taken place. It was impossible to not think of what it might signify, however, and the sickening fear pooling in his guts helped Kili will away his arousal. Eventually, he was ready to go and a conspicuous glance to Thorin showed that he was, too. Quietly, Kili followed Thorin out where, as he had feared, there were people milling about. They shot Kili a questioning look that Kili couldn’t answer with anything other than a weak smile and a shrug. He knew they would question him after Thorin had left. What should Kili tell them? Not the truth, certainly. Thorin might flirt with danger, but Kili couldn’t let him be burnt by the consequences.

Thorin left not long after, leaving Kili to handle alone the questions he had been dreading. The dwarfs who had worked near the storage room asked him about the noises they had heard and Kili’s stomach twisted at the thought of how close he and Thorin had been to being discovered. Some suspected that he had been abused, a misled idea both relieving and horrifying. Kili was quick to reassure them that they had nothing to worry about beside his tendency to act before thinking, therefore frustrating Thorin sometimes. Fortunately, they all seemed convinced and spent the rest of the days joking about Kili’s recklessness. Kili laughed along with them, even though he felt very little mirth. His mind continued to drift to how much time he had before his work ended and what awaited him in the towering dark mountain beyond Dale. For once, Kili looked to the end of his workday with fear.

Supper was a quiet affair. Kili could tell that Bofur was becoming anxious, probably worried that Kili and Thorin had gotten into a fight again. He wasn’t entirely wrong, but he couldn’t possibly (and must never) guess the cause. Kili would try to hold a conversation with Thorin, but Thorin’s calm expression filled him with apprehension. He could handle anger—perhaps not easily, but he could. But, this calmness was disconcerting. Kili couldn’t make out what Thorin was thinking at all and after what happened today—his forceful way and Kili’s rejection—it unnerved Kili to think what this might mean.

It brought to Kili’s mind tales he had heard whispered in Ered Luin of how some dwarfs showed their darker true selves to their beloved in private. He had seen those who suffered it spoke of love and loyalty, but expressed despair. He had seen the same in his own mother. Could it be that Thorin was one of those dwarfs? Could his kindness be a mere façade? Were his pleasures darker than expected? Would his strength really be used to harm after all? Kili’s stomach turned in nervousness. Being separated from his family hadn’t bothered him until now. In Ered Luin, he at least had an ally in Fili, who would help and defend him if necessary. However, here in Erebor he had no one to turn to. Those who could help were only slightly less under Thorin’s control than Kili was, leaving Kili no escape or hope for aid. Although of course he could be wrong. Kili hoped he was terribly wrong.

Supper ended at long last, but Kili still had to endure Thorin’s company as they sat in the living room. Bofur hadn’t been dismissed, ensuring that nothing untoward would happen. However, Kili was still nervous, frowning often and unable to hold proper conversation when he was usually eager to provide Thorin with good company. No matter how Kili tried, it was clear to all present that his mind was elsewhere. Eventually, Thorin had mercy on him (or perhaps had grown impatient to him) and sent him away, commenting that he looked tired from the day’s work. Although this was untrue, Kili didn’t argue and escaped to his room. There, he tried to read to pass the time until Thorin came for him when all the servants had gone to bed. However, his nervousness made him unable to comprehend a word on the book. His mind kept returning to the event of the day, how Thorin almost had him where people could hear them, his cryptic words, and his indifferent dismissal of Kili. Kili wanted to think well of Thorin, but he couldn’t see how any of today’s event could be explained by the goodness Kili had associated with him.

Even dwarfs most set on their ways occasionally wanted a little change. Why then would Thorin be an exception, especially when he had access to any kind of excitement and Kili could only provide the basest kinds? Of course Thorin would inevitably want something more exciting. Kili only wished it wasn’t this sort of change that Thorin wanted, that Thorin would continue proving himself better than those Kili had dealt with. Kili wondered if pleading would do him any good. Thorin was usually a reasonable dwarf, but Kili couldn’t be sure anymore. After all, what reasonable dwarf would risk his reputation and future for the temporary thrill of having his nephew in public? Indeed, Kili used to know some who sought this type of excitement, but they were of ill-repute, having little to nothing to lose if they were caught with Kili. Not so with Thorin. He had so much to lose—probably more than what Kili could imagine. Did his family fortune and legacy mean nothing to him? The thought of it disappointed Kili, not because he needed Thorin’s financial aid (which he did,) but because he had thought Thorin to be better and wiser than that, especially after he had almost lost it looking for Dis.

Near midnight, when the mountain was quiet, Kili’s door finally opened. Kili sat up and watched as Thorin quietly entered and closed the door behind him. Kili wanted to appear cheerful and welcoming, but his apprehension was too strong. He hadn’t felt this ill about the prospect of being bedded since the first dwarf—Northri—was sent to his room in Ered Luin. That memory wasn’t something Kili liked to recall, but it came unbidden to the forefront of his mind now. Kili remembered how he had been so confused and terrified, how he had fought and been subdued with words and force, how he had cried in pain and then forced to enjoy. Kili moved his gaze from Thorin, feeling nauseous and wished Thorin would go away. But, the bed dipped and Thorin slipped under the soft blanket that Kili used as a meager protection. Kili took a deep breath to relax his body. It would be easier and less painful if he gave in to the inevitable.

“You’re still upset about today.”

This was said calmly. Kili studied Thorin carefully to gauge his mood, to see if there was any trap there, but saw only a neutral observation. He frowned, wondering what answer he should give. “I didn’t expect that,” he finally said.

“If I inform you beforehand, will you agree to it?”

Kili tried to keep from having a strong reaction, but he couldn’t stop a wince in time. “I…”

“Do you remember my conditions?” Thorin interrupted him, watching him closely. “I agree to continue our arrangement as long as you do two things for me: to never surprise me with your attention and to tell me immediately if you don’t want mine.”

“I haven’t surprised you since that time and I always want your attention.”

“Did you want it this morning?”

Kili squirmed, recalling the confusing mix of pleasure and horror he had felt. “I was just surprised. I wouldn’t mind otherwise,” he lied.

“Is it so?” Thorin asked. “So, if I had continued then, if I had taken you against the door where people could hear us and know what we were doing, you wouldn’t have minded?”

Kili tried to hold his tongue—he truly did—but the easiness with which Thorin talked about that risky act made him unable to stay quiet. “Don’t you worry about what people would think of you?” Kili asked, flabbergasted that Thorin could even come upon such an insensible idea.

Thorin shook his head confidently. “I could pay for their silence. I could let them hear you—I could open the door and let them all watch and know, and then pay them to not breathe a single word to anyone. Would you agree if I do that?”

The thought of being watched made Kili’s stomach turn uncomfortably. Having lived and worked with Thorin, he had no doubt that Thorin could buy people’s silence or pay his way out of consequences without losing a significant amount of his wealth. However, Kili couldn’t say he liked others seeing him in such a private moment. In Ered Luin, when his father brought more than one dwarf to him, he had always felt more uncomfortable. It had always hurt more as he couldn’t convince his body to not tense up. He didn’t usually lack confidence, but things were different in the bedroom, especially with the sort of dwarfs Vilir had brought for Kili to pleasure. Kili could still remember their jeers, the humiliating things they had said and done to him even as they used him. Even though Kili knew what he was, the presence of others made him more aware of his depraved and ruined he had become, and the shame twisted something inside him. Kili should let Thorin have his way, take what he had bought in any way he wanted, but Kili didn’t want to. He frowned unhappily, upset with his own weakness. It shouldn’t have mattered. Someone like him should be able to accept any debauched thing a dwarf’s imagination could conjure up. Yet, he couldn’t. Yet, he still wanted to preserve whatever shred of dignity he still had left.

Beside Kili, Thorin studied him in silence. “I want you to say no,” he finally said, drawing Kili’s startled gaze. “I wasn’t sure you would—and I was right. It was terrible what I did to you today, but it was the one thing I was almost certain you don’t like. I would’ve stopped even if you hadn’t said anything, but I wanted to see you reject me when I overstepped.”

Kili gaped at him. It had been a test? He had spent all day agonizing over his reaction just because of a test? Perhaps he should be relieved that Thorin hadn’t really meant to humiliate him, but Kili couldn’t help but be a little angry that he had been toyed with in such a cruel way. “You could have asked!” he cried.

“Would you have answered truthfully?” Thorin countered.

“Perhaps I would’ve!” Kili replied, pursing his lips.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “Is it so? What do you think about having an audience?”

“I’m not really comfortable with that,” Kili grumbled, then quickly continued. “But, if you tell me beforehand maybe…”

“It’s a no, then,” Thorin cut him off. “Restraints?” he asked, pointedly looking at Kili’s wrists.

Kili shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“Blindfold?” Thorin continued after Kili nodded, “If I bring aids to bed?”

“Yes. Although, I would rather you prepare me first,” Kili replied.

“Of course,” Thorin assured him. “Wax?”

“Yes.”

Thorin looked at him closely. “Pain?”

Kili couldn’t help the flinch that crossed his face. He looked away, upset that he was so bothered by the suggestion. But, there was no helping the way his hands clenched on the soft blanket as loathsome memories flooded him. The things some dwarfs had done to him, the tears that had spilled, the cries that had gone unheard, made him ill. He was a dwarf. He was made to endure. Kili could take pain, but he abhorred it. He could survive it-had survived it, but his entire being recoiled at the mere thought of it, recalling the biting pain, deep humiliation and soul crushing feeling that always accompanied that hurtful play. Kili knew some delighted in receiving it, but Kili didn’t.

“You’re allowed to say no,” Thorin reminded him. He hesitated, then slid his hand under Kili’s wild hair to hold the nape of his neck in a gesture not possessive, but comforting. “I’d rather you tell me no than letting me force myself on you.”

“I should obey you,” Kili argued, still refusing to look at him.

“Obey me by telling me what you don’t want me to do.” Thorin waited until Kili looked at him, then asked again. “Do you like pain?”

Kili wanted to lie. Nothing good ever came out of stating his preferences in bed. However, the ways Thorin looked at him and touched him kept him from saying anything untrue. Kili’s fear subsided slightly, but there was still some lingering doubt. He had to remind himself that Thorin would never deliberately hurt him. Even earlier today when he had seemed to want to force himself on Kili, he had apparently only done so to make sure Kili would say no. Kili wished Thorin had chosen a different method to make sure, but Kili had to admit that Thorin was right–Kili wouldn’t have admitted his dislike otherwise. Now, Thorin wasn’t asking about causing pain as a small talk to be forgotten in a moment. Neither would he use this information against Kili as some had done before him. Thorin was asking out of concern. He would never act out violence for his own pleasure without regard for Kili’s. Kili’s truth was safe with him.

“No,” Kili replied, the truth came out in a shuddering breath along with burdens he didn’t know he had carried. He hadn’t realized how heavy silence was until he had spoken.

Thorin’s grip on the back of his neck tightened almost imperceptibly. “Then, I’ll never hurt you.”

“But, don’t you want it?” Kili asked worriedly.

Thorin shook his head. “I don’t want it more than I want your wellbeing.”

Kili looked at him closely, trying to detect any sign of lie, any hint that he had to brace himself for abuse. However, he found none. Kili breathed a quiet sigh of relief as his body fully sagged in Thorin’s strong grip. Thorin always kept his words. Kili would be safe with him. He might be his slave, he might have been bought, his whole life might belong to Thorin now, but he would never be mistreated. A small grin spread of Kili’s face, honest now that his fears had been put to rest. “I don’t mind a little roughness, though,” he offered cheekily.

Thorin raised an eyebrow and slowly removed his hand as he ran his calculating gaze over Kili’s body. Kili gasped when he was suddenly pushed down to lay on his back, but the gasp transformed into a laugh when Thorin rolled atop him, easily finding his way between Kili’s legs. Kili grinned when Thorin pulled up his thigh to wrap it around Thorin’s waist. Neither of them was aroused yet, but desire was simmering between them. Kili rocked up slightly, teasing Thorin with promised ecstasy. In reply, Thorin nuzzled his neck, tickling the sensitive skin with his breaths until Kili tipped his head back in offering.

“It would be interesting to see you running errands when you can still feel me,” he murmured lowly as he stroked Kili’s bottom, making it clear where Kili would feel him.

Kili shuddered and surrendered himself to Thorin. He expected the rough play they had talked about and was surprised when Thorin took him gently instead. He pushed in slowly, letting Kili feel every minute slide into his tight hole, and paused at the slightest hint of distress. But, Kili wasn’t distressed–a little impatient perhaps, but not distressed. Only his sighs and moans for more could move Thorin into using some semblance of strength and speed, and even then he quickly stopped whenever Kili frowned from too much pleasure. Thorin stilled and kissed Kili’s damp neck while slowly stroking his cock to provide distraction, making his tightening body loosen to make way for Thorin’s impressive cock. A masterful lover that Thorin was, it never took long for him to make Kili relax and push back for more of him.

It took Kili a moment to realize Thorin was proving his words. He was being gentle and careful on purpose, to show Kili that he truly would never hurt him. Even the slightest discomfort was quickly soothed. There was and would be no place for pain between them, only pleasure, only joy. Once Kili realized this, there was little else he could do but let out a breathless laugh and pulled Thorin down for a deep kiss. In response, Thorin merely huffed and pinned Kili down by his wrists, although he was careful not to grip them too tightly. Kili closed his eyes and spread his legs wider, letting Thorin set a steady pace that brought wetness to run down the tip of Kili’s straining cock. Kili was exposed, vulnerable, but he wasn’t worried in the slightest, knowing without a shadow of doubt he was in very good hands.

Chapter Text

Kili didn’t try to test Thorin’s promise. There was no need to when in his every action, he sought to make sure he had Kili’s consent. The slightest hint of hesitation would make him pause and although Kili had never found any reason to reject him, he knew Thorin would stop if he so asked. He never seemed to be angered by this, either. Some dwarfs didn’t want anything less than complete enthusiasm on Kili’s part to degrade himself. Not so with Thorin, who always immediately but calmly ceased whatever he was doing until he gained Kili’s assurance that he wanted to resume.

How much power Thorin gave him! How much freedom! Kili hadn’t expected to be locked away chained to a wall, of course, but he hadn’t expected the power Thorin gave him. He was allowed to speak anything he wanted, go anywhere he liked. One time Kili returned from work a little late, unable to refuse an invitation to a pint of ale from his friends, and Thorin wasn’t remotely angry. In fact, he seemed pleased to see that Kili had made friends and encouraged him to spend more time with them. Kili was reluctant, however, not wanting to abuse the extraordinary amount of trust and privileges Thorin had generously given him. He tried to behave, although he didn’t always succeed, not thinking long enough before acting. Thorin expressed his displeasure in sharp words and self-isolation, but they never lasted long. The next night, Thorin would steal into Kili’s room and take Kili gently, bodies pressed closed together, arms holding tightly onto each other, lips caressing every inch of skin reachable, mouths sighing sweet desire. Thorin was too prideful to openly apologize, but his actions spoke more than his words could.

Kili was becoming more and more comfortable with his position. Although there remained some concerns that Thorin would turn to others, Kili was quite reassured by the fact that he hadn’t. Though he didn’t know what the future held, Kili was quite content with what he had now. There was nothing to complain about. There wasn’t even anything to ask for. Thorin had kindly provided him not only with a comfortable life but also with a respectable profession. Although still humbled by his true role in Thorin’s employment, Kili could hold his head high as he walked around Erebor and Dale now. It had been so long since he had last been proud of his simple but honest life. His life before his father used him to settle his debts was but a vague memory, obscured by the fresher wounds of humiliation and abuse heaped upon him. Thorin’s respectful treatment of him and his quiet demands for everyone else to do the same had restored Kili’s confidence. Kili was not innocent, but he wasn’t a villain and that was enough to warrant him sincere kindness and basic respect. It was strange to no longer view himself as someone to be pitied and jeered at in private. It almost felt false at moments – as if he was only fooling people into thinking him a decent dwarf – but Thorin thought this way and if Thorin, who knew the whole truth of Kili’s circumstances, felt that way, then it couldn’t be entire wrong at least.

Almost more than anything, Kili trusted Thorin. As far as he was concerned, Thorin was the wisest and kindest dwarf there ever was. Even when Kili doubted himself, he needed only to turn to Thorin to regain his confidence. In fact, Thorin believed in him so much that he had recently recruited Kili to join a small group who would accompany him to Laketown to assess any business opportunity. Being a new employee, Kili was initially hesitant to accept, although very much honored by the inclusion. He wanted to go, of course, wanting to see again the small fishing town, but he wondered if his severely limited experience would help or hinder Thorin. In the end, however, he was convinced to go when Thorin explained to him that it was his skill with striking conversations and winning people over that had gotten him the offer. Indeed Kili made friends quite easily, especially now that he was no longer constantly ashamed of himself. Agreeing that perhaps this was his true calling more than making beautiful jewelries and deadly weapons, Kili finally agreed.

They departed after winter had passed and spring thawed the snow and ice around the Lonely Mountain. Life had started to return to the land when the small group, on horseback, slowly made their way to Laketown. They camped by the riverside where Kili excitedly showed Thorin and his friends the survival skills Nori had taught him on the way to Erebor. He caught them fishes, rabbits and even a few birds, impressing them. The dwarfs seldom travelled and even when they did, they rarely went further than the Misty Mountains, having found very comfortable living in the dwarf colonies in the region. They told Kili their forebears had come from various corners of Middle Earth. But, once Erebor was well-established, they had seen no reason to return to where they had come from. Contact with their distant relatives was rare, although as the dwarf customs dictated, they knew every single member of their family trees. Messages were exchanged only on special occasions, such as death, birth, and marriage, but little more. They rarely visited these relatives, if at all, and the relatives who had come to visit them were almost guaranteed to stay, seduced by the great fortune found in Erebor. It was a sentiment Kili understood completely. Even if the contract between Thorin and Vilir didn’t force Kili to stay, he would gladly spend the rest of his life in the prosperous mountain kingdom, working under Thorin.

They arrived at Laketown a few days after they left Erebor. Thorin immediately arranged for the best inn in the town. He occupied the best room the establishment had to offer and let Kili and the rest of the group took lesser rooms for themselves, an arrangement which surprised some members of the company. While Kili not getting more favorable tasks at work was expected, others had thought he would get certain privileges in more private areas – after all, Kili did live with Thorin. To see Kili staying in a simple room identical to them was surprising, though in a very good way as it increased their respect for their employer. While Kili did regret his room being too far from Thorin’s to allow nighttime meetings, he couldn’t complain about the show of justice that indeed he himself had wanted and set out to do his tasks.

They immediately began working, observing the town’s activities and collecting information from traders and residents. Being a new employee, Kili was accompanied by more experienced dwarfs and went to a nearby dwarf tavern. There weren’t very many dwarfs in Laketown, but the small community thrived all the same. The town was used to seeing various races and their goods as it was often passed by merchants on their way to or from Erebor and Dale. However, the dwarfs of Laketown longed for shops that catered to their interests and needs specifically. Laketown was built by and for men and therefore, as accommodating as it tried to be as it grew, it couldn’t quite fulfill the dwarfs’ wants. Further, to them, traveling to either Erebor or Dale for some refreshing familiarity seemed like a superfluous expense and even a waste of time. They went no more than twice a year, when the weather and their works were permitting, and couldn’t stay there for long due to various reasons. When they heard of Thorin’s plan to open a shop there, they became very excited, Thorin’s reputation having reached the small town. Kili had little trouble gaining information on goods and services that would sell there.

Kili visited the taverns many times in the following days, though not to drink. He made many new friends, who provided him with information he shared with Thorin in the evening. Thorin himself met the more respectable society of the small town, chiefly those who had the means to purchase the goods he offered. Laketown wasn’t as wealthy as Dale and some other towns closer to the Lonely Mountain. However, Thorin was certain he could grow his business there, considering its strategic location by the river and its close relation with the elves in Greenwood. As poor as Laketown was, it had a business tie with the elves, for whom they provided food and drink. Thorin was confident this tie could be used to his advantage for although his shops in Dale were often visited by elves, the elves of Greenwood very rarely patronized them. By establishing a shop in Laketown, he hoped to have these elves as his loyal customers. Kili celebrated Thorin’s sharp business mind with a round of drinking and songs. He wasn’t a brilliant singer, but Thorin still seemed happy to watch him, tapping his foot and laughing when Kili made fool of himself, which was enough to encourage Kili to continue his efforts to entertain his company.

They spent a week in Laketown. Having collected all the information he wanted, Thorin allowed his men to do as they pleased on the last day of their stay. Naturally, this opportunity they used to amuse themselves in the simple establishments the town had to offer. They were meager compared with what they were used to in Erebor and Dale, but dwarfs knew how to make the most fun out of any circumstances. Kili initially accompanied them, but when Thorin retired to their inn in the afternoon, Kili quickly went with him. Much to his delight, Thorin didn’t protest when Kili followed him to his room. They had dinner in Thorin’s room, a well-furnished room overlooking the tranquil river and the reflection of the fishing town on it. The accommodation wasn’t as fine as Thorin was used to in his home, but he didn’t complain, not even in private. He enjoyed his meal and wine while talking with Kili about any interesting or amusing thing they had found in Laketown during their stay. Thorin admitted to be wary of the old interconnecting structure that made the town, but admired the ingenuity of the people for finding such a way to live on water. He shook his head when Kili said he found it quite an adventure to find his way in the complex maze of wooden decks that made up the town’s roads, but stopped his reproach when Kili told him that he knew how to swim.

“Us dwarfs don’t spend much time in water,” Thorin commented with some surprise.

“Well, I did live by a river!” Kili replied with a laugh. “I’m not an excellent swimmer, but I know how to keep from drowning at least! Do you know how to swim?”

“I was taught as a child, but I’ve not used that skill in many decades. Perhaps I’ve forgotten,” Thorin mused, sipping his wine. “My father’s acquaintance taught me. He’s a Man. My parents weren’t keen, but allowed it in case I should need it someday. Who taught you? Your brother?”

“My father did.”

“Your father?” Thorin repeated with unconcealed surprise.

Kili nodded. “Yes, when I was very little. We couldn’t afford proper vacation, but once in a while, my parents would have saved just enough for us four to have a small picnic by the river.” Kili smiled at the happy, though sadly distant memory. “My father was an excellent swimmer, much better than Fili and I. I don’t think my mother swim at all.”

Thorin was quiet for a long moment, but Kili did not wonder about his thoughts at all. It was clear what he was thinking: the discrepancy between the cruel dwarf who had sold his son for his pleasure and the dwarf who had saved what he could so he and his family could have a small picnic by a river. Kili himself had wondered about it, but it was a long time ago, when the shame and betrayal were still fresh. Now, he thought little of it. That dwarf might well be a stranger to him now, although a stranger Kili had loved for all the happiness and comfort he had brought Kili. For the present dwarf who was his father, he had little to no love, only the attention and dedication expected from a son, particularly one who was often afraid of the fates of his mother and brother.

“I can hardly imagine that,” Thorin finally said. “Vilir didn’t seem to be the teaching sort.”

“He has changed,” Kili admitted, hiding his bitter feelings on the matter by focusing his attention on his meal. “He used to be kind. Many people used to be kind.”

Thorin frowned, looking very troubled. “Has he ever… abused you?”

“No.” Of all cruelties Vilir had inflicted on Kili, that at least he had never resorted to.

Thorin’s relief was plain to see, but it was brief. “But, others have,” he said gravely.

It was no secret that they had, so Kili merely shrugged. When he sensed Thorin’s darkening mood, he quickly added, “everyone is cruel compared to you!”

Thorin frowned. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”

“It very much is a compliment!” Kili insisted, leaning forward to emphasize his words. “No one took care of me as well as you do or cared about me as you do. You could very easily take advantage of my services, but you never do. You give as much as you take from me. I know no one else who would do that for me.”

For a moment, Thorin stared at him and Kili fancied he looked flattered. However, it was quickly replaced by wary confusion. “They didn’t pleasure you?”

Kili hesitated, always worried about Thorin’s feelings about Kili’s long experience on that particular subject. But, he remembered that Thorin had never been truly upset with him regarding his past, unless when he lied. Carefully, Kili selected his words. “They did, though only when it displeased me. They’re nothing like you.”

Neither of them said anything for a long moment, although Kili took comfort in the fact that Thorin merely looked thoughtful instead of upset by the revelation – Thorin could be too protective of Kili at times. Kili smiled widely when Thorin reached into his pocket and produced a familiar vial from it. A few tortuously pleasurable moments later, after being carefully bent over the table to be prepared, Kili was pulled back down to sit on Thorin’s lap, his back to Thorin’s chest, his bare thighs on the outside of Thorin’s clothed ones, his body embracing the impressive girth of Thorin’s cock. Kili shook and trembled, having gone over a week without the exquisite fullness. The stretch was near overwhelming as if his body had to relearn to accommodate Thorin all over again. Kili rested his head on Thorin’s broad shoulder as Thorin ran his fingers over the inner side of his trembling thigh, slowly moving toward where they were joined. He keened, unable to help himself, when Thorin traced his stretched entrance.

Thorin made a small thrust upward, then sighed, removing his heavy hand to the bottom of Kili’s stomach. With his free hand, he picked up a piece of roasted fish with a fork and brought it up to Kili’s mouth. “Open up now.”

“Thorin,” Kili whined, appetite for food gone, replaced by an appetite for something else headier.

However, Thorin shushed him with a hand on his dripping cock. He stroked it once, making Kili arch up into it and sink back down onto Thorin’s cock. “Eat up. There’s no need to rush. You’ll have me soon enough.”

Kili did have Thorin, but only after they finished sharing Thorin’s meal, two goblets of wine, and several grapes. By then, Kili was already whimpering openly, impatient as Thorin steadily but very slowly stroked him root to tip until he was throbbing and desperate to spill. He could feel that Thorin felt much the same way as the frequency with which he turned Kili’s head to his direction to kiss him passionately and held him still to push small thrusts into his willing body increased. Kili moaned when Thorin’s hands finally settled on his hips and he was once again bent over the table. He sighed and whined when he was finally taken with deep and carefully powerful thrusts that made the table creak and groan under him. Neither of them lasted very long, Kili coming first with Thorin’s hand around his cock, followed closely by Thorin, who spilled heavily inside him with a drawn out moan of his name.

They removed to the bed afterward, divesting their clothes along the way. There, they slept in each other’s arms and woke to a darkened room and quiet town. Thorin took him again then, in the fashion he seemed to prefer the most: slowly and lazily. Kili sighed Thorin’s name into his mouth many times over as he ran his fingers through Thorin’s tangled hair and pulled Thorin closer to him. He spent the night in Thorin room and due to the night everyone else had had, no one questioned it when Kili emerged from Thorin’s room on unsteady legs in the morning. They bid their goodbye to Laketown later that day and with plans to return to it in not too distant future. Kili looked back only once to see the small town floating above crystal clear water, simple and serene in its remoteness. Then, Thorin called him and he looked no more.

Kili thought little of Laketown beside the joyful atmosphere and the fine night he had spent in private with Thorin. It was later made clear, however, that Thorin was not the same. Initially, he showed little of it, but one night, the first night he went to Kili’s room after their visit to Laketown, Kili was shown how much exactly he had been thinking about their exchange that final night. When Thorin stripped Kili off his clothes and pressed his wrists to the bed, Kili didn’t suspect anything. Even when Thorin ordered him to keep them there, he still didn’t mind. However, when Thorin drove him mad with his clever hands and wicked mouth, he started to rethink.

The sight of Thorin bending between his legs was still intoxicating, while the sensations of his agile tongue, warm lips, and wet mouth were positively maddening. Kili sighed when Thorin licked the length of his cock, tracing the paths of protruding veins, before he kissed the wet tip and enveloped Kili with his mouth. The pace was leisurely, punctuated with a noisy slurp whenever he pulled up. His hands were warm on Kili’s thighs, thumb stroking circles onto his skin, so close to where the entrance to Kili’s body was hiding. Just as Kili’s breath started to speed up, Thorin pulled away completely, watched him catch his breath, then pumped his cock until Kili was teetering on the edge once again and he removed his hand, leaving Kili whimpering and panting for more.

At first it had seemed like a play, so Kili waited for Thorin to finally breach his body. However, that moment wouldn’t come. Thorin’s oiled finger only pressed against his furled entrance without pushing in while he did everything in his power to overwhelm Kili with carnal needs before stopping completely and then starting all over again. He used his hand sometimes, stroking Kili until the tip was beaded with seed that would spill heavily to be licked away hungrily. Other times, he used his mouth, taking as much of Kili as possible into the warm cavern or just lightly sucking the bulbous head while pining Kili’s hips firmly to the bed. Yet other times, he used both his hand and mouth, bobbing his head up and down over half Kili’s length while stroking the root and rolling the heavy stones. A few times, he left small marks on Kili’s inner thighs until his mouth reached his stones and he licked and sucked them while pressing his thumb teasingly against Kili’s entrance. Half an hour after they started, Kili was clutching the sheet beneath them tightly as he tossed his head from side to side and arched his back, his legs quivering on either side of Thorin’s head and his cock was aching with a desperate need for release.

“Please! Thorin, please! Just take me!” he begged when once again Thorin pulled his clever finger away and sat up to watch him try to thrust back to the missing pressure.

In reply, Thorin kissed the corner of Kili’s gasping mouth. “Not tonight. Tonight, it’s only about you.”

“Then, I want you inside me,” Kili implored again, spreading his legs invitingly.

Thorin groaned upon hearing this, fingers digging into the meat of Kili’s thighs briefly before he collected himself. “Perhaps later. Now, I want to show you pleasure.”

“But…”

Kili’s next words were lost as Thorin bent down a licked a stripe from his twitching hole to the tip of his cock. He almost shouted, but caught himself on time and bit his lip. His control was tested as Thorin began to circle the furled ring of muscles with his tongue. He lapped at it quite eagerly, then tried to push the pointed appendage into Kili’s heated body. Kili cried out when Thorin eventually succeeded and hungrily licked and tasted every inch of him he could reach, his beard and mustache scratching Kili’s tender bottom and heightening his pleasure. Helpless to control himself, Kili moved his hips, thrusting up as if there was friction to be found on his straining cock and sinking down to the unsatisfying but intoxicating sensation of Thorin’s tongue tasting and slicking his passage. His cock was near painful at that point, spilling pre-spend steadily down his length. His release was just out of his reach, but he couldn’t get there, Thorin’s eager tongue caressing the depth of him not enough stimulation and he cried out in dismay when Thorin pulled away.

“I want you to spend like this, completely overcome by ecstasy,” Thorin told him breathily, his eyes glazed as if he was the one being pleasured instead of Kili.

Kili shook his head. “I can’t! I can’t!”

“Yes, you can,” he assured him. Then, he took Kili into his mouth again.

There was no thrusting up with Thorin’s arm over his hips, but still Kili instinctively tried. His stones were painfully heavy with seed when Thorin pulled away again just before Kili thought he would come. Thorin’s thick thumbs then slid into him and he was opened wide for inspection. Shame made Kili react without thinking, moving his hand to grip Thorin’s wrist. Thorin’s eyes immediately shot up to Kili’s face, but not in anger. He was waiting for Kili to stop him, Kili realized through the haze of lust. If Kili wanted to put an end to this play, Thorin would do so without asking, just as he had promised to. Kili contemplated asking it – he was so desperate to release, his cock red and hurting as it stood amid a nest of dark hair. But, there was an unexpected allure in the repeated pleasure, in not spilling at once and therefore having to end the night, but to drag this on for as long as possible, to have Thorin’s fingers and tongue in him and Thorin’s mouth on him so many times.

In the end, Kili swallowed a whimper and put his hand back on the sheets to grip it tightly. He arched his back when Thorin shifted back and removed his thumbs to slip his tongue inside him again. He was thorough, just as before, coating Kili’s fluttering channel with saliva and again, Kili tried to take more of him inside but to little avail. He was pulled back whenever he moved away. Yet, as much as Thorin’s tongue lapping and teasing his insides made Kili’s blood ran hot, it wasn’t enough. Kili writhed on the sheets he gripped so tightly he was surprised he hadn’t ripped it to pieces. He couldn’t decide which one he wanted more: to hold Thorin’s head in place so that he could try to find release on Thorin’s slick tongue – possibly in vain – or to take himself in hand and stroke himself to quick and explosive completion.

“Please let me come!” Kili begged again, near tears.

Thorin tore away with a wet sound that might embarrass Kili had he been more in possession of himself. Large hands ran up and down his trembling thighs as Thorin gazed down at him hotly. “One last time,” Thorin conceded.

Kili sobbed and shook his head, but didn’t try to stop Thorin. “I can’t!”

Thorin descended upon him again, mouth and hand on his cock, pad of his thumb against the loosened entrance. Kili whined and cried, writhing on the bed, as Thorin sucked him off. His stones felt tight and uncomfortable, slowly lifting as he neared his release. The heat and tension at the base of his stomach rapidly pooled in his cock, threatening to release – already he could feel his cock dripping heavily onto Thorin’s soft flickering tongue. Kili started to babble, begging Thorin to not stop, pleading him to keep his mouth and hand on his cock so that he might come. Thorin replied with a long hard suck and a firm stroke as he slowly removed himself yet again from Kili. However, this time, despite the loss of stimulation, Kili’s body managed to reach the peak it had been craving. Kili threw his head back as thick ropes of seed shot out of his twitching cock despite it not being touched. The pearly fluid landed on his damp torso where a puddle grew as he pumped his hips up uselessly into the air and came and came and came. Just when he thought he had no more to give and the dissatisfaction became too sharp, Thorin’s hand returned and stroked him gently, pulling out the last few remaining drops out of him and finally giving him a proper pleasure. Kili’s whole body was trembling as he softened in Thorin’s hand. This time, the removal of touch was welcomed since oversensitivity had started to sink in. Kili gasped and whimpered as sharp burst of pleasure ran through his body sporadically. He was barely aware when Thorin climbed on top of him and quickly stripped his own straining cock. Thorin groaned long and low as he spilled, splattering seed on Kili’s heaving torso.

As soon as he had caught his breath, Thorin wet cloths Kili had prepared by his bedside along with a basin of water for cleaning. Carefully, he cleaned Kili, who was still unable to move except to shiver and pant. Thorin murmured lowly when Kili whimpered as he cleaned his sensitive cock. The task was fortunately over very quickly. When Thorin wetted another cloth, Kili assumed it was to clean himself. He started with Thorin wiped Kili’s face with it. At first confused, he then realized that when he gasped for breath, it wasn’t just because of the recent exertion but also because he was sobbing. Kili didn’t know when it had started, but when he blinked, fat tears ran down his face, punctuating his hiccupping breaths. Embarrassed, he rubbed his eyes viciously. Dwarfs didn’t cry!

“Stop,” Thorin commanded, pulling his hands away. “There’s no need to be ashamed. I did want you to be overcome.”

Kili waited for mockery. Many had insulted him for much less and despite Thorin’s claim that he wanted to see Kili overcome, Kili didn’t think he meant he wanted to see Kili cry. But, Thorin’s thumbs traced circles around Kili’s wrists and when Thorin moved away, it was only to quickly clean himself. He immediately returned to Kili’s side and pulled him into his arms. Kili’s eyes stung again. He was grateful that he could hide his face in the crook of Thorin’s neck to hide this.

“Why?” he croaked out eventually.

Thorin stroked Kili’s back comfortingly. “You told me in Laketown that other dwarfs only showed you pleasure when you didn’t want it. I’d like to think I’m different.”

Hearing this, Kili quickly pulled away to frown at Thorin. “You are!” he exclaimed in protest.

Thorin smiled thinly. “Not always.” He took a deep breath. “This is a little selfish of me, but I want to show you everything that others have shown you for the wrong reasons. I want to show pleasure when you desire it.”

And how he had shown it to Kili! Kili’s body was still in shock over the amount of bliss he had just experienced. He could barely think and there was a pleasant tingling under his skin, a ghost of Thorin’s intense ministration. Kili hadn’t known he could feel so much. Release was, of course, always pleasurable, but this time it was to such extent that it permeated every fiber of him, touching every nerve endings until he was helpless but to lay prone under Thorin’s knowing touches, desperately begging for mercy. If he hadn’t wanted it so badly, he would consider it a torture. He used to think that torture was pain and being forced to feel what he didn’t – and they were torture – but now he realized that prolonged pleasure could be an instrument of torture, too, in the wrong hands. Thorin’s weren’t the wrong hands, however. Kili had wanted it and despite the frustration of being denied immediate release, Kili was glad he had waited.

It seemed that Thorin took Kili’s silence for something ominous, however. He tensed up, eyes alight with alarm. “Did you not want it?” he asked.

“I did!” Kili assured him, grabbing his arm before he had any chance to draw away. “It’s just that I’ve never felt that much pleasure before – not even with you.”

Thorin began to relax again, although he still seemed cautious. “I don’t do that often. It requires time and dedication, which we don’t have much of.”

“Well, you were very dedicated,” Kili said, laughing breathlessly. “I still can’t think!”

This seemed to finally fully assure Thorin. He pushed Kili’s damp hair out of his face. “Take all the time you need. We have a couple of hours yet before I have to return to my room.”

Kili knew they still had hours, but it would be such a waste to spend it only by resting. His body was not yet ready again for passion (in fact, he might not manage again tonight,) but he still wanted to spend the private time entertaining Thorin. With this in mind, Kili turned to his side to face Thorin and ran his eyes appreciatively down his intimidating figure. He had recovered much faster than Kili. His chest rose and fell steadily where dark hair was now only very slightly damp. The flush of pleasure had disappeared, leaving behind his natural pale skin. Kili’s eyes followed the irresistible path to the cock curled over a thick thigh. He still wanted it inside him and wondered how he could persuade to take him proper a little later although Kili wasn’t capable of getting hard. Some pleasure could be derived without physical release, but by now Kili knew Thorin enough to know it wouldn’t make him happy to be the only one to achieve bliss. In fact, by now Kili was almost certain Thorin would rather give pleasure without getting any in return than to receive pleasure without giving it to his partner.

“How lucky your lovers were,” Kili mused.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think of them as lucky,” he said. “I only did as I should. In a relationship, there is always exchange. I gave only as I took.”

Kili thought of this for a moment. He’d heard of the equal give and take in relationships, of course, but his experience in the closest thing to romance had for the most part shown him the selfishness of dwarfs. “Well, I can’t tell. I’ve never had a lover. Although, I still maintain that your previous lovers were very lucky to have you. It is very uncommon for anyone to care about returning my favor as you do.”

Thorin looked at Kili in concern for a moment before shaking his head. “The truth is, before I went to Ered Luin, I only ever lay with my lovers. I didn’t realize I do anything unusual until you mentioned it.”

Kili stared at Thorin with wide eyes as Understanding dawned on him. No wonder Thorin was always so fond of kissing – he had only ever been with proper lovers, not a whore like Kili. Kili recalled their first night together. How strange it must have been for Thorin to have his kiss rejected while he was being offered access to everything else. Kili, too, had found it strange then to have someone so insistent on doing something as intimate as kissing with a whore. But, now Kili understood and felt nothing less than honored to be treated equal to Thorin’s former lovers. He didn’t know them and had no interest to know them, but he knew they must be very respectable dwarfs, for no one less than that deserved Thorin. Kili’s thoughts soured a little, however, when he remembered the dwarf Thorin had summoned a few months ago. He must have also enjoyed the honor, but Kili now knew he wouldn’t have been called for at all had it not been for Thorin’s visit to Ered Luin. He had no one to blame but himself for Thorin’s newly acquired taste in paid lovers. If anything, perhaps Kili should blame himself more harshly.

“Have I corrupted you?” he asked, hiding his guilt and worry behind a joke.

Thorin’s brows furrowed deeply. “To corrupt someone, you must be a very poor character to begin with.”

That Thorin thought of him as a good character was very flattering, but also very untrue. Thorin was a generous dwarf, but Kili felt he must set him right this time. “Well, I am not the best character,” he said lightly, knowing how Thorin disliked it when he spoke badly of himself, no matter how true he was being.

“Neither am I. But, no, you’ve only been mistreated.” He stopped. “You said that your father used to be kind, but how kind was he before?”

Kili hadn’t expected the question. Thorin had shown very little interest in Vilir. Kili had thought he had accepted it as a fact that Vilir was an inherently poor character capable of some of the worst of cruelties toward his family. In a way, this was right, but it wasn’t entirely so. “He was all right in the past,” Kili answered. “When I was a child, he worked all day and returned very late, but still spared time for Fili and me. What my mother didn’t teach us, he taught. I wasn’t a fast learner like Fili, but my father was never upset or impatient. He was kind, too, to my mother. They seemed perfect for each other. I never used to doubt they were in love.”

“But, now you doubt it.”

Kili sighed and turned to his back, staring at the darkened ceiling. Since he arrived in Erebor, he had thought very little of his father. When he thought of his family, he only thought of his brother and mother. His concerns were entirely directed toward them. Vilir, to him, was only a distant character to be accounted for only for how he might harm Fili and Dis, but nothing else. Kili must admit he didn’t feel too sorry for this – he had done more than his share of duties as a son. However, the recollection of the dwarf Vilir had been made him a little remorseful. Once upon a time, he had loved his father. Vilir had been everything a good father should be – doting, caring, self-sacrificing. For much of his childhood, Kili had welcomed him home with a tight hug and begged every morning for him not to go to work. Growing up, Kili learnt to restrain some of his expressions, but he had still looked forward to spending time hunting, fishing, or just chatting with his father. However, now Kili could only think of his father with bitterness for what had been done to him and fear for his brother and mother’s wellbeing.

“Now he loves winning gold more than anything and anyone.” If Vilir still had love for Dis, then it was very well-hidden. “Mister Balin told me about who he was when he first met my mother. I believe he has reverted back to that person.”

“Why didn’t you leave?” Thorin asked. “It’s clear to me that you and your brother have no love for your father anymore. Why didn’t you go away?”

“And leave my mother?” Kili asked back, recalling his father’s threat. Dread settled sickeningly in his stomach at the thought of his poor mother bearing the humiliation he had lived with. “She is bound to him. Whether by love or obligation, I don’t know. But, she wasn’t inclined to leave, and Fili and I can’t leave her alone.”

“I don’t believe she loves him very much still.”

“Then, maybe it’s a sense of obligation. In any case, Fili and I can’t leave her with my father and she for whatever reason won’t leave him.”

Thorin stiffened perceptibly. “Do you think your father may… your mother?” He couldn’t say the word, but Kili knew exactly what he meant.

Kili gave his answer carefully, though not to protect his father. It was a delicate topic to broach and he could tell that Thorin was barely holding on to his composure. “I don’t know, but he’s done it to his own son. I can’t say what he won’t do to other people.”

Grief, rage and disbelief passed Thorin’s expression in turn. Kili had seen Thorin’s anger, but this worried even him. But, before he could be concerned for himself despite Thorin’s promise to take care of him and not hurt him, Thorin closed his eyes tightly and exhaled heavily. “I should’ve gone and found your parents. I could have spared you that unhappiness,” he said wretchedly. “I had my eyes set on Ered Luin, but I didn’t go because my business needed me. Had I gone then, or even a few years later, I could have saved you from your misfortune. I could have prevented it all from happening.”

“And you could’ve brought that misfortune upon yourself!” Kili cried. “It’s inevitable that my father would oblige his nature. He could have squandered your fortune away!”

However, Thorin wasn’t mollified. He shook his head resolutely. “Fortune could always be found and he couldn’t squander the whole of Erebor away.” He opened his eyes and looked at Kili with such grief that Kili almost pulled Thorin into his arms to comfort him. “I’ve thought of it since I found out the truth of your circumstances. If only I had pressed on, made my business wait a few more months, I could have protected you and your mother. I could’ve helped and given you a better life. Instead, I put my business before all else. I was late and could only buy you and take you here, and many years too late at that,” he said bitterly.

While Kili had known about Thorin’s distaste in the way he saved Kili, he had never guessed Thorin had been carrying such guilt. Although, on hindsight, considering how Thorin was still worried about forcing himself on Kili after his first transgression years ago, Kili shouldn’t have been surprised he felt this way. “I heard you looked for her everywhere, neglecting your business in the process. I don’t blame you for losing hope and for choosing your family legacy over a faint possibility,” Kili pressed on. “Besides, you took me away in the end and helped my family beyond even what my father hoped for!”

But, Thorin wasn’t so easily reassured. “I should’ve used a different method. I should’ve found another way to give you the happy life you, and your family, deserve.”

Unable to help himself, Kili grasped Thorin’s hand tightly between them and brought it up almost to his chest. “And you’ve made me very happy here! You’ve given me a respectable job! You dress me in fine clothes, feed me delicious food, and support my family! You treat me better than I thought anyone could treat me! You talk to me, listen to me and show me places I’ve never seen! You’ve made me happy!” Kili told him earnestly.

The hand Kili was holding clenched. Something passed over Thorin’s expression, too strong for words to properly convey. He moved closer to Kili, but then held himself in check. “That doesn’t change the fact that your father treat you terribly because I didn’t find you sooner,” he said, although Kili could tell that his resolve was wavering, his guilt eroded by hope for absolution.

“No, it doesn’t,” Kili agreed. How strange that he was the one to give forgiveness. Such thing seemed far above his station. Yet, that was what Thorin wanted or perhaps even needed right now and Kili couldn’t deny it from him even as he wondered whether he was the right person to give it. “But, it wasn’t your fault that you had other obligations. If it’s any comfort, we weren’t always unhappy in the past. If you had found us much earlier, you would’ve found a very happy, but poor, family. Maybe you would’ve even left us alone or maybe we would’ve refused to go with you because we had no reason to.” At this, Thorin’s brows furrowed and he held Kili’s hand even more tightly. “We’ll never know what could’ve happened, but I do know that now you’re making me and my brother and mother happy.”

“But, are you happy enough?” Thorin asked, then added, “and your mother and brother? Is there anything more that I can do?”

“You’ve given us means to stay out of my father’s claws. We can’t ask for more and Fili won’t accept more anyway. He will find a way to be independent from my father. As for my mother…” Kili paused, wondering what the future held for Dis. “She’s strong. I wish they’d leave my father immediately, but I know I can’t force them. Now, the most important thing is they’re all right, so I’m more than all right. I’m living a life in Erebor I didn’t dare to dream in Ered Luin. I manage to support my family. I serve an honorable dwarf I didn’t know could exist. I’ve never been happier!”

When Thorin pulled his hand out of Kili’s grasp, he was temporarily scared he had offended him somehow. But, the hand moved to the nape of his neck and drew him forward. Kili was certain he was going to be kissed (he very much liked being kissed by Thorin) but Thorin only rested his forehead against his. The simplicity of the affectionate gesture, not at all imbued by passion, made Kili’s heart flutter. Beside Fili and his mother, no one ever held him closely in so intimate a moment without wanting to make use of him. The rarity of receiving such affection nearly overwhelmed him, its effect rivaling how Thorin had undone him earlier. Kili closed his eyes, reveling in their closeness, the gentle strength of Thorin’s hand on him, and his soft breaths fanning his face. Tentatively, Kili placed his hand on Thorin’s waist. The resulting whoosh of exhalation emboldened him and he held Thorin more confidently. He couldn’t give much comfort, but what he could, he readily offered for Thorin to take should he wanted it.

“I swear upon my father’s grave that I will do everything in my power to make you happy,” Thorin said in a low but gentle tone.

Kili nodded as little yet as clearly as he could without severing their connection. “I know you will.”

Thorin did kiss him this time, a lingering tender kiss that turned Kili’s bones into molten metal. Nothing more took place afterward, but they held each other closely and Kili fell asleep in Thorin’s arms. When he woke up near dawn, he was alone in bed, but he didn’t feel lonely or worried, because he could still feel Thorin all around him. When they met for breakfast some hours later, they exchanged knowing smiles under the oblivious care of Thorin’s attentive servants. Kili then turned his attention to his meal, trying not to look at Thorin’s hand. He was worried he might not be able to keep from reaching out and held it gently close to his heart.

Chapter Text

When Kili wrote to Fili next, he relayed to him everything that he had learnt about what Thorin had done after their mother left to be with their father. He emphasized Thorin’s guilt and desire to see them happy and insisted that they were evidence of Thorin’s goodness. Unsurprisingly, Fili didn’t immediately believe Kili, and how could he not? After all, whatever Thorin felt and desired, he still bedded Kili almost nightly and then bought him. A true good dwarf would never resort to such things, while Thorin had fallen for it on the very first night and hadn’t changed his way since. It was an argument that Kili couldn’t counter as he actively and relentlessly invited Thorin to his bed himself. That Thorin bedded Kili almost every night was the fault of both of them, but of course Fili didn’t see it that way, having been there when Kili had been forced to get used to seducing a dwarf.

It was difficult to convince Fili when he lived half a world away and thus unable to witness the kindness Thorin showered Kili with every day. He didn’t see how considerate Thorin was of Kili’s feelings, quietly asking and carefully watching for any sign of discontent for him to immediately remedy. He didn’t hear how Thorin talked to Kili not as if he was a lowly whore or a foolish young dwarf, but someone equal to him in every way. He didn’t know how Thorin restored Kili’s dignity by providing him with honest occupation and respecting his thoughts and feelings. He wasn’t present when Thorin stayed up late into the night to laugh and exchange stories with Kili. He didn’t understand when Kili insisted Thorin was everything that was good in their lives, even if his methods were not right. Fili wasn’t easily persuaded, but Kili was determined, week after week sending him letters filled with descriptions of Thorin’s goodness. Kili never could repay Thorin for his kindness and Thorin never asked for anything from him anyway, but this was something he could do: convincing Fili that Thorin was not another villain in their unfortunate lives.

Kili was prepared to try to change Fili’s mind for years to come. But, the reply Kili had been waiting for came near the anniversary of Kili’s arrival in Erebor. Previously, he had reported to Fili not about the gifts and privileges Thorin had given him, but about a rare evening spent in a tavern drinking, singing, dancing and talking. Thorin preferred spending the evening quietly in his house, but he had made an exception that night and taken Kili for dinner at a tavern. Now, the food hadn’t been as good as what Bombur made for them every night and there hadn’t been much dignity in eating on wine-sticky tables surrounded by drunks. But, Kili had been ecstatic. He hadn’t gone to any taverns since his father made him available for dwarfs he owed money to. Kili had almost forgotten the music that filled the air, the joyful dances, the drunken singing, the friendly talks, the boisterous laughter, and the general atmosphere of cheer that people closed their days with, but they were better than he remembered. He had written to Fili about dancing on tireless legs for hours and singing until his voice was hoarse. Near the end of the night, he had even almost gotten the courage to borrow a fiddle to try to remember his old skill with it! Fortunately, he remembered himself in time and returned to Thorin’s side with a laugh.

Thorin had neither sung nor danced. But, he had smiled the whole night and Kili had even caught him stomping his foot and tapping his fingers on the table to the beats of some songs. He had seemed happy when they walked back home near midnight, amiably remarking on the loud but lovely evening they had had. The late hour meant they had gone straight to their respective bedrooms, but Kili wasn’t worried about it meaning he had lost Thorin’s favor. Kili had written his letter to Fili as soon as he could, unable to keep his exuberance to himself. He had written to Fili not with the intention to persuade him to like Thorin more, but to release some of the joy he felt almost bursting through his chest. Therefore it surprised him that Fili replied with a short line of approval for Thorin’s decision to not lock Kili up in his room when he wasn’t keeping Kili busy with work.

Kili knew his brother enough to understand him perfectly even in writing. He knew then that Fili had warmed up to Thorin. His opinions hadn’t changed entirely, but he at least no longer thought that he abused Kili. There was a possibility in that letter – yet distant at the moment, but no longer the near impossibility it had been. One day, Thorin and Fili might get along, as close and affectionate as an uncle and a long-lost sister-son could be. They would speak not with strained civility, but genuine cordiality. Though that day was unlikely to come soon, Kili still kept the hope for seeing his loved ones get along, close to his heart.

Later, late in the night, when all but Kili and Thorin had gone to bed, Thorin kissed his brows and asked him what had made him smile widely throughout the evening. Kili told him he wished his brother and mother were as happy as he was. It wasn’t the whole truth and Thorin probably knew it, yet he didn’t pry for the real answer and only dedicated their stolen time to extending Kili’s happiness with his characteristic gentle attention. When Kili fell asleep in Thorin’s arms later on, he thought of the honor and joy he did with Fili and Dis could have, as well as one thing he didn’t want to share with any other: Thorin’s affection.

On the spring of Kili’s second year in Erebor, Bofur came forward during breakfast to request a leave for himself and his cousin. Both Thorin and Kili were surprised, although Thorin seemed more surprised than Kili was. He was as composed as usual, but Kili knew him well enough to catch a flicker in his eyes that showed that he didn’t expect the request at all. He noticed, too, the concern that immediately arose. Kili couldn’t blame him. He had never heard Bofur ask for anything in the two years he had been there and now he suddenly asked for a leave – and not just for himself, either, but also for Bifur.

“I don’t mind, but I must say I’m surprised – you’ve never asked for a leave before. What’s the occasion?” Thorin inquired.

“My cousin in Moria just had a new daughter!” Bofur announced proudly.

“A daughter!” Kili exclaimed.

It wasn’t often that a dwarf had a child, and a daughter was even less often. Every birth was celebrated, especially that of a daughter. Even the poorest of dwarfs would throw the most lavish parties for days in celebration of a new daughter. Relatives would come from near and far, all eager to see the promise of a future for their people and family. In Kili’s entire life, he had only been to a handful of such celebration and only one of them had been thrown for a daughter. It had been the longest and most extravagant of the celebrations, lasting a week and serving seemingly endless ale and meat. Kili had seen the babe only briefly, a pink little thing that hardly looked like a dwarf at all being passed around from relative to relative. It was truly a rare and joyful occasion. No wonder Bofur asked for a leave to attend it.

“My congratulations,” Thorin said. Even he was unable to fully hide his happiness, a small smile tugging on his lips. “I suppose you will be gone quite a while, then.”

Bofur shook his head, though he was fighting a smile. “No more than a week, I hope. I can’t neglect my duties, and Bombur will be overwhelmed otherwise.”

“Your brother isn’t coming with you?”

“Well,” Bofur said with charming sheepishness. “Someone must stay to do the chores. Bombur usually cooks, but I’ll make sure he can attend to you as well as I do.”

Kili glanced at Bifur, who was quietly watching this conversation from the side. Unlike Bofur, he showed no indication of joy, but Kili had learnt that in Bifur’s case, looks were sometimes deceiving. He was, for example, actually gentler than he seemed. Kili had caught him carving wooden toys and small statues out of firewood that Kili would later see in the hands of children in Erebor. He was kind, but he could also be unpredictable, sometimes finding threats in the most harmless circumstances. It was a common problem among those who had lived through violent battles and made worse by his injury. There was no telling what Bifur would do if left alone to serve Thorin and Kili. He wouldn’t harm them, of course, but he might not be able to perform his tasks well. Meanwhile, sending Bombur to go with Bifur was also difficult as Bombur had a mild disposition and might not be able to fully control his cousin. Moreover, there was a matter of Bombur’s large family that he couldn’t leave behind nor afford to take with him. It was a pity that Bombur couldn’t go, but it was indeed the best option.

“No,” Thorin said unexpectedly. “Bombur – and his family – will go with both of you.”

Bofur – and Kili – looked at him with wide eyes. “Master…”

However, Thorin shook his head, cutting off any argument. “The birth of a daughter must be celebrated by all. I won’t keep Bombur from it – he must see his new niece. I’ll cover the cost. Consider it a gift from me to your family.”

“But, who will do the chores if we’re all away?” Bofur asked worriedly.

“I believe Kili and I will be able to take care of ourselves for a while.”

As he said this, Thorin glanced at Kili. Other might see nothing out of ordinary in the brief exchange, but Kili recognize heated promise in Thorin’s eyes. His desire stirred in response. Privacy! With Thorin! No slipping into Kili’s room at the height of night and leaving it before the break of dawn! No muffling voices and holding back! Kili had to look away to hide his excitement. He refrained from encouraging Bofur, who still hesitated to accept the generous offer. He listened carefully as Bofur argued to ensure his employer’s comfort and Thorin insisted on his ability to take care of himself. The argument was never in Bofur’s favor, however, as Thorin was as skilled in negotiation as he was stubborn. He countered every objection with steely kindness until Bofur had no choice but accept.

“If you are sure, Master,” he finally said, squirming in his place, clearly nervous but excited.

“I am,” Thorin assured him. “Tell Bombur and prepare yourself. The road to Moria isn’t easy and you must not be late for the celebration.”

“Thank you, Master!” Bofur cried out, bowing deeply. Beside him, in barely intelligible words, Bifur bowed in gratitude.

Bofur went to inform Bombur in the kitchen of this development. He must have spoken very quickly, as Kili had barely gotten ready for work when Bombur came with astonishingly light feet to thank Thorin profusely. He bowed repeatedly, his large stomach almost touching the floor. The sight was so amusing that even Thorin was hard-pressed to not laugh. Kili himself abandoned any attempt to control himself, laughing merrily at every word of thank and praises that came out of Bombur’s mouth. It was with great reluctance that he left for work. The sight he saw before closing the door behind him was that Thorin vainly calming his grateful servants. Kili caught his eyes and smiled just before he closed the door. The day was long and the work was arduous, but nothing could disturb Kili’s happiness. He smiled all day, impressed by Thorin’s kindness, amused by his servant’s excessive gratitude, and eager to be alone at last with his master.

Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, and Bombur’s large family left a couple of days later, following a rather hectic preparation. With the size of the traveling party, it was impossible for the preparation to be anything but. Kili had expected more disorder, but somehow Bofur had managed to make arrangements that ensured his employer’s comfort. He had found temporary helpers to maintain the household and cook. At Thorin’s insistence and with Kili’s not-entirely-untrue promise to take over some of Bofur and Bifur’s chores to repay Thorin’s generosity to him, these helpers were not to stay overnight. After once again making sure that Thorin didn’t mind his entire household staff leaving, Bofur eventually agreed to leave his master with only the barest of comfort, although not without promising to return as swiftly as they could.

Thorin sent them off with gifts for the happy family: silk, lace and a handful of jewelry that Bofur, Bombur, and Bifur couldn’t thank him enough for. Their departure was thus delayed. Kili had to leave for work before they sufficiently thanked Thorin. However, when he returned in the afternoon, the house was quiet but for the cackling of the fire Thorin was lighting. Kili stopped to watch him, unsure whether they were truly alone. He didn’t hear or saw anyone, but he couldn’t be too careful. Bofur and Bifur were used to seeing Kili and Thorin being close, even though they didn’t know how close they were exactly. Strangers, on the other hand, might see them and draw a dangerously correct assumption. So, Kili held back until he could be sure of their privacy. Thorin’s uncharacteristic politeness when he lifted his eyes from the fire to greet Kili made Kili even surer that he was right to be cautious.

“How was your day?” Thorin asked.

“It was good. How was yours?” When Thorin answered that his was rather good as well, Kili continued as he approached Thorin and stopped a polite distance away from him. “Have Bofur, Bifur, and Bombur left?” he asked, glancing at the hallway behind Thorin.

Thorin gave him a small smile that nevertheless betrayed his excitement for the private night they would have. “They have. Their replacements have arrived as well. They’re currently finishing the preparation of our dinner. I told them they don’t need to serve us. We can manage on our own for a while.”

Kili bit back the grin that threatened to rise to his face. “Of course. I’ve promised Bofur that I will serve you in his place, after all.”

The corners of Thorin’s lips twitched up as his eyes shone with mirth. “So you have.”

Right then, two dwarfs emerged to excuse themselves for the day. None of them seemed to suspect anything between Thorin and Kili, but still Kili took a step back just in case. They bowed low to both Thorin and Kili and promised to return early in the morning to set up breakfast table for them. Neither Thorin nor Kili tried to delay their leaving even to tell them how they liked having their breakfast. All Thorin asked was at what time they would return. Kili had to fight to keep his composure, knowing precisely what Thorin meant by asking the question. The new helpers answered with a time that would give Kili plenty of hours to enjoy Thorin’s company, and soon they left. Kili watched them close the door behind them, then turned to Thorin, who was now giving him a genuine smile. Giddy with the thought that they were alone – completely alone! – at long last, Kili freely laughed.

“I suppose you’re my servant now,” Thorin said teasingly.

“Why? Do you have any order for me?” Kili asked, grinning.

“Only for you to hurry and be ready for dinner. I was told that Bombur had instructed our favorite dishes be served for us today.”

Kili didn’t have to be told twice. He went to his room to shed his work clothes and replaced them with finer clothes he knew Thorin liked to see him in. Even with none of the assistance he had become used to, he managed to groom himself. It might not be as impeccable as it usually was under Bifur’s watchful eyes, but Kili didn’t want to waste time. Thorin didn’t seem to mind, either, smiling at him as usual when Kili joined him at the dining table. As promised, there was a spread of Thorin and Kili’s favorite dishes on the table, all still warm. Bottles of wine littered the table and Kili didn’t need a taste to know they were the best the mountain had to offer as Thorin rarely settled for less than that. Kili looked at the bottle closest to him longingly, but decided to eat first. Thorin followed suit, although not before draining his glass.

“I seem to remember you saying that you will serve me,” he said, smirking.

“And I will,” Kili promised, cutting himself a generous slice of roast mutton, “but only after I’ve finished eating.”

Thorin chuckled, but didn’t object. He filled his plate with similar enthusiasm and within not too long, refilled it. The food was delicious and not only because there are Thorin and Kili’s favorites. Everything was cooked to perfection that Kili didn’t even mind eating the smattering of vegetables. Like many dwarfs, he didn’t usually like them, but Bombur had a way of making everything he cooked irresistible. Even the plainest soup tasted rich when he cooked it. Kili was sure he would miss Bombur’s cooking, although Thorin assured him that Bombur’s replacement had apprenticed under Bombur himself for a number of years.

They talked about Bombur’s family’s great luck – for having so many children among them, for living in Erebor, for working for Thorin. In Ered Luin, they were guaranteed to languish in poverty. Many children meant more help at work. However, it also meant more mouths to feed. Kili thought even if he served the lord of Ered Luin, and elusive dwarf who lived in the mountain and hardly ever came out to see the colony he led, he would never come close to owning what he had in Erebor. Despite having never been to other dwarf colonies, Kili felt the same might apply to other places. To think what might happen to those children had they not lived in Erebor! Kili told Thorin about the sad state on larger families in Ered Luin as they moved to the sitting room to enjoy the fire and finish the last bottle of wine. None of them was as big as Bombur’s and yet they lived in difficult conditions. Many of them had to start working form very young age and there weren’t many well-paying jobs for very young dwarfs. Kili omitted the part where some were sold to establishments or rich dwarfs, not wanting to disturb Thorin, who seemed quietly happy to hear Kili’s story and offer a few of his own from his extensive travelling in return.

When they were polishing off the last of the bottles of wine, Thorin was telling Kili about his cousin Dain in Ered Mithrin, who owned a very famous forge that many warriors and heroes went to for weapons. They hadn’t met in a very long time, but regularly correspond with each other. Dain, Thorin claimed with amusement, was loyal and kind, always eager to help Thorin somehow despite Thorin living quite comfortably in Erebor. Thorin’s family wasn’t as blessed as Bombur’s in terms of size – Dain having only one son and the rest of the family with the exception of Dis didn’t have any – but they were blessed in terms of their living situation. Kili briefly wondered how differently his life would’ve been had he been raised with the privileges Thorin’s family had. Would he have been the same dwarf as he was today? Would he have been more serious like Thorin? Or would he have succumbed to the greed that made up his father’s true character? Kili would like to think he was a better dwarf than his father, but with such an easy lifestyle and a mountain worth of fortune to squander away….

“It’s quite late,” Thorin said, intercepting Kili’s thoughts. “We should continue this tomorrow.”

Kili agreed. They put out the fire – an unusual task that usually fell to Bifur or Bofur, but was no hardship for Thorin and Kili to do on their own. Then, they retired to their rooms. Without Bofur and Bifur attending to them and therefore forcing them apart, they walked together to the halls leading to the rooms, speculating about how their new helpers would fare tomorrow. Kili’s room came first. Kili went toward it, laughing at the prospect of a slightly less convenient week to come – what trouble it would be, what challenge and fun. His hand had barely touched the wood when Thorin touched his elbow. Kili fell immediately silent, looking at him in surprise.

“Would you like to spend the night in my room instead?” Thorin asked, his deep voice sending shivers down Kili’s spine.

The suggestion was all it took to spark desire deep within Kili. His breath hitched, lust stirring in his veins. Thorin was standing so close to him, but Kili didn’t feel close enough to him. Kili wanted to feel Thorin against him without the obstruction of fine clothes between them – and tonight he didn’t have to wait till midnight for that to happen. “Of course,” Kili replied a little breathlessly.

Thorin smiled and led him to his own room. Kili had been there only once before and had often wondered if anything at all had changed since then. Yet, now that he was there again all he could see and think of was Thorin. Thorin, who closed the door behind them with a firm hand and heated gaze. Thorin, who smiled and pulled him into a kiss so slow yet so claiming that Kili needed the support of Thorin’s arms around him to stay standing. Thorin, who sighed Kili’s name as if he had been waiting for this moment for far longer than a day.

Kili parted his lips willingly and let Thorin plundered his mouth as he had hundreds of times before, tongue sweeping over soft palate and teased Kili’s into reciprocating. Thorin’s hands were on Kili’s back, stroking him with expected gentleness as desire burnt slowly but surely between them. They didn’t stay there, however. Kili gasped when Thorin’s hands descended to his bottom. While he was gentle, there was no subtlety in the way Thorin squeezed and kneaded Kili’s cheeks, guiding him to grind his hardening cock onto Thorin’s. Even through all the layers and despite not being entirely hard yet, the size of Thorin’s cock was easy to make out. Kili moaned into Thorin’s mouth, hips jerking on their own accord, his body remembering how it felt to be split on the thick length. It didn’t help when Thorin spread Kili’s cheeks as best as he could over the breeches. Kili clung to Thorin and tried to spread his legs, inviting Thorin to slot himself between them and rocked his own hips as if he was thrusting into Kili.

Thorin pulled away to lay hot open-mouthed kisses on Kili’s neck as he continued to knead Kili’s bottom while rocking his hips to the hot space between Kili’s legs, his hot breath and agile tongue pulling whimpers and moans out of Kili’s mouth. Sometimes he licked a damp patch of skin. Other times, he would close his teeth over sensitive skin and worry it until Kili wondered if he would leave a mark where everybody could see that Kili belonged to somebody. But, he always let go, leaving Kili with a mild sting that made his cock throb in its confines. Kili was determined to hold back until he had Thorin inside of him. However, when Thorin slipped a hand into the back of Kili’s breeches, Kili nearly came undone. Knowing fingers found the soft skin between his stones and his entrance and firmly pressed, stimulating Kili’s prostate from outside. Kili cried out as his cock twitched, sticky fluid rising to the tip crushed against Thorin’s through their clothes, before quickly biting back the noise.

“You don’t have to keep quiet,” Thorin breathed, wet lips skimming over Kili’s jugular as he looked for a new target to mouth and bite. “No one will hear you tonight.”

Kili laughed breathlessly. His fingers dug deeply into Thorin’s shoulders as Thorin’s finger circled his hole while Thorin nipped a tender spot just below Kili’s ear. Even the promise of mild discomfort didn’t deter him. He pushed back towards Thorin’s fingers, begging for a firmer touch and whining when Thorin turned to rubbing his entrance instead. “Are you going to make me scream?” Kili’s voice hitched midway when Thorin pushed the tip of his finger in to tease the inner walls clenching down around it.

Thorin kissed his ear, tongue darting out briefly to tickle the sensitive lobe as his other fingers caressed the tight ring of Kili’s entrance. He smiled when Kili whined in plea. “Maybe.”

Then, he stepped back, nearly making Kili whimper at the loss of their proximity. Kili wanted nothing more than to kiss Thorin and feel Thorin’s hands on him again. However, Thorin seemed to have a different plan. Smiling, Thorin began to undress him, starting with his belt and followed by his tunic and shirt underneath. When they pooled on the floor around Kili’s feet, Thorin eyed him heatedly, drinking him in as if he had never seen Kili even less dressed than this uncountable times before. Just as Kili began to feel self-conscious, Thorin gently pushed him back until Kili sat down on the edge of the bed, then went down to his knees in front of Kili. Kili expected Thorin to take him into his hot mouth as he usually did when he wanted Kili to lose his composure, fighting and losing to the urge to find bliss on his master’s plush lips and agile tongue. But, Kili jerked, surprised and a little embarrassed when instead of undoing his breeches, Thorin began the process of removing his boots.

“Thorin!” Kili exclaimed, trying to pull his leg away. “I can take them off myself!”

However, Thorin gripped his calf tightly, keeping his leg where it was. “I want to take them off you tonight.”

“But, I’m…”

“Here for my pleasure,” Thorin finished for him. “And it pleases me tonight to take your boots off.”

Realizing that there was no use in arguing, Kili squirmed and huffed loudly to hide his embarrassment. “You are such a peculiar dwarf.”

“I am for you,” Thorin murmured, almost too low to be heard.

Fortunately, it didn’t take very long to take off the boots. Kili was thinking about how to bring Thorin up onto bed with him to prevent him from doing other works of a servant when Thorin ran a large palm over Kili’s tenting erection. Kili gasped sharply, all thoughts instantly driven out of his mind. He moaned when Thorin stroke him through the soft cloth, fingers curling over the girth. It didn’t feel as good as having Thorin’s hand directly on him, but the firm pressure still had Kili rocking his hips into the slow up and down motion. Thorin’s heavy gaze on him made everything headier. Kili wasn’t sure what he was looking at or looking for, but whatever it was, he was pleased enough to pull down Kili’s breeches until the flushed head of Kili’s cock peeked out, red and dripping. Thorin’s eyes darted up towards Kili as he licked his lips. Then, Thorin’s lips were upon Kili’s cock.

Kili let out a small cry when Thorin’s clever tongue slither over the sensitive head hungrily. He lapped every part of it, flicking his tongue on the weeping slit whenever he sucked on the flared head, until Kili canted his hips up and he moaned for more. Thorin’s grip tightened on the length of Kili’s cock as he doubled his attention. His face was buried in Kili’s lower abdomen as he sucked and licked the pearlescent fluid that spilled out of Kili in a steady stream. Kili threw his head back and awkwardly petted Thorin’s hair, not daring to pull but wanting more of Thorin’s hot mouth. Fortunately, Thorin took mercy on him and slowly peeled off his breeches, exposing his cock bit by bit. He licked and nuzzled every bit of skin revealed to him until Kili’s cock was completely free from its confines and Thorin took him almost to the root into his mouth, the heat of his mouth overpowering, the minute flicks of his tongue maddening, and the softness of his palate and lips on Kili threatening to undo Kili too early.

Kili could easily come like this – he had before. He couldn’t say he wouldn’t enjoy it again, but he was grateful when Thorin carefully pulled off him with a wet noise that brought a small whine to Kili’s lips. “Get up there,” Thorin ordered gently but firmly, nodding toward the top of the bed.

Kili didn’t need to be told twice. He moved up to settle among Thorin’s soft pillows. After all this time, he didn’t have to ask anymore how Thorin wanted him. He preferred being able to look at Kili to drink in his responses to his expert ministrations. So, Kili rested against a pillow, hand on his thigh near his red, wet cock and one leg bent to tease a hint of his entrance – he did know the best ways to entice a dwarf. He smiled when Thorin’s eyes darkened with lust. Thorin’s gaze were fixed on Kili as he undressed himself. He didn’t rush, letting heat simmer between them and filling the room as his body was slowly revealed. His impressive cock bobbed when it was finally exposed, the tip already beaded with pearl that Kili longed to lick off him. Thorin stroked his thick length once, twice, watching Kili closely for his reaction. Eager and wanting to please, Kili finally let his fingers brushed his stones. His eyelids fluttered when he rolled one carefully, his fingertips brushing the fluttering entrance Thorin had so recently teased, wordlessly inviting Thorin to fill him once again.

The bed dipped as Thorin climbed onto it and situated himself between Kili’s spread legs. Kili moved his wandering hand to Thorin’s waist as he welcomed Thorin’s deep kiss. Thighs framing Thorin’s hips, he rocked up to grind his cock against Thorin’s. The friction of heated flesh against heated flesh was nothing short of intoxicating. Kili sighed into Thorin’s mouth as passion spread hotly across his body. The need was there, but he didn’t want to hurry, not when Thorin moved his kisses to his jaw and neck, soft lips and beard tickling him. He tilted his head back as an invitation that Thorin wordlessly accepted, nipping on a patch of skin that would be hidden by his collar. Hands ran up Kili’s sides sensuously to stop by his heaving chest, thumbs brushing against pink nipples. Kili writhed on the sheets, trying to get Thorin to touch him properly, but to no avail. Thorin continued to rain kisses upon kisses on Kili’s neck and upper chest. He only stopped when Kili’s thighs tightened on his hips, fingers digging into the cords of muscles of Thorin’s broad back. He smiled down at Kili, then, and pulled a vial of oil from under one of the pillows.

“You’ve planned this, haven’t you?” Kili asked, laughing breathlessly.

“From the second Bofur and the rest of them left,” Thorin admitted, his low voice promising a night of ecstasy. He ran a hand down Kili’s body to his bottom. His knowing fingers unerringly found the furl of Kili’s entrance. “The things I want to do to you,” he sighed.

Kili moaned, arching his back. “Yes. Anything.”

Thorin sat up and slipped a pillow under Kili’s hips. Then, Kili watched avidly as Thorin thoroughly oiled his fingers. The first touch on his clenching hole didn’t surprise him. Neither did the slippery slide of the thick digits into the depth of his body. Even when Thorin bent down to take Kili’s cock into his mouth again, it still wasn’t surprising. Yet, Kili still responded like it was the first time he was touched. He moaned – loudly with no one but Thorin to listen to his base needs – and tremblingly petted Thorin’s hair. His shaking legs spread wider when Thorin began to slowly move his head up and down, taking him almost to the root, his nose brushing the curl of hair at the base of his hardness. His finger moved to the same rhythm. It pushed deep whenever Thorin took him almost to the base and teased at his prostate whenever Thorin mouthed at the head. Kili keened and panted above him, rocking to the ceaseless waves of pleasure. There was barely any discomfort when Thorin slipped another finger in and then another. There was only completeness, fulfillment that somehow felt new even though it wasn’t. Kili sighed Thorin’s name to the thick air of the room, letting himself be opened for Thorin, desiring nothing but to be made whole by him.

Thorin took his time stretching Kili thoroughly and ensuring that Kili was as relaxed as he could be to receive him. By that time, Kili’s cock was dark red and throbbing in Thorin’s mouth. He half expected Thorin to bring him to his peak once before taking him, but Thorin pulled off of him with a soft kiss on the weeping tip of Kili’s cock. Kili didn’t protest the loss of Thorin’s wonderful mouth, knowing this meant that true pleasure was only beginning. Under Kili’s longing eyes, Thorin oiled his bobbing cock until it gleamed under candle lights, then leaned down to cover Kili’s body with his. Kili gladly welcomed Thorin again into the cradle of his arms and thighs. Their lips met tenderly and quiet breaths were exchanged. Not a moment later, Kili felt a nudge at his opened body and smiled into their kiss when the nudge turned into a push. He arched his back Thorin entered him in one unending stroke, stretching Kili’s eager body to his limit despite the earlier preparation.

Kili threw his head back and panted, holding tightly onto Thorin, as his inner muscles trembled and gradually opened up for the intrusion, embracing Thorin’s length as he embraced Thorin’s body. Thorin’s cock felt heavy inside Kili, resting impossibly deep in his guts and lighting up Kili’s nerves with pleasure beyond imagination. Kili’s thighs trembled on either side of Thorin’s hips as his cock twitched and dripped a small drop of liquid to collect on his heaving abdomen. Kili whined, almost overcome, when Thorin caught his lips in a passionate kiss. He tried his best to kiss Thorin back, but even the minutest moves by Thorin made him falter. Thorin hummed into Kili’s mouth and nuzzled his temple when Kili had to gasp for breath. He ran his hands up and down Kili’s side until Kili’s breaths evened out and he wasn’t so overwhelmed by the pleasure of being so full to kiss Thorin properly. Then and only then did Thorin began to move, pulling out halfway and then sliding smoothly back into Kili’s slick body.

After their earlier conversation and with the fact that for the first time there was no one in the house but them, Kili had expected Thorin to unleash his passion, pounding into him without restraint as he had that day in the forest in Ered Luin. Kili was prepared to beg for mercy, to be so overwhelmed by pleasure he couldn’t breathe, to cling onto Thorin as his body was battered to submission (not that he hadn’t submitted completely to Thorin already), and to release so explosively he was left trembling and tender in Thorin’s arms. Kili was bracing himself for the most delicious roughness he had ever tasted.

Instead, Thorin slowly rocked into him with long luxurious thrusts that had Kili moaning softly, eyelashes fluttering as he felt every inch of the weighty cock slowly filling him to the very brink. There was always a little shock when Thorin fully rested inside him, hips pressed tight against Kili’s bottom. It was always somewhat surprising to find himself so stretched and open that he was half convinced that if he put his hand on his belly, he would be able to feel the hard cock inside him. Then, Thorin would withdraw and the emptiness he left behind was almost painful. Kili whimpered and tilted his hips up to try to keep Thorin where he was. He even wrapped his legs around Thorin’s hips. Of course neither of this worked. But, then, Thorin would slip back inside and Kili would be full again, arching his back and moaning Thorin’s name deliriously.

A little unusually, Thorin didn’t kiss Kili much or mouth every bit of him he could reach. Tonight, he seemed to want to watch Kili, his sharp eyes roving over Kili’s face as he took him. Kili could easily turn this into a performance, exaggerating his responses to please. But, Thorin knew him too well to believe in an act, so Kili let himself react as was natural. He sighed when Thorin thrust into him, whimpered when he withdrew, moaned when his cock rubbed against his sensitive prostate. It pleased Thorin, who quickened his pace and lengthened his thrusts, probably to see and hear Kili’s breath hitch and feel Kili’s legs tighten around his hips whenever he slid home.

Thorin panted and grunted as his hips smacked against Kili’s bottom, but still seemed intent to watch Kili take his pleasure. Between them, Kili’s cock smeared stickiness on their damp torsos. Kili could reach down to touch himself – he knew Thorin wouldn’t mind – but somehow he didn’t really want to. Instead, he ran his hands up and down Thorin’s sweaty back, feeling the tensing of powerful muscles as he drove his hips back and forth, back and forth. So much power was contained within these muscles, so much potential to harm, yet all he gave Kili was happiness and pleasure. Feeling overwhelmingly grateful, Kili leaned up to capture Thorin’s lips in a tender kiss. He was a little surprised, but pleased, when Thorin’s hips suddenly stuttered. He pressed close to Kili and then there was a feeling of slickness when he resumed thrusting more slowly than before.

“Kili, my…” Thorin groaned, burying his face in the side of Kili’s face. He breathed harshly when Kili clenched around his softening cock to draw out his release. “Oh, Kili,” he sighed blissfully.

Kili honestly didn’t mind being left without his own release. He was already happy to have Thorin find his pleasure in his body and feel the evidence of said pleasure slowly leaking out of him. But, Thorin was a fair dwarf. He pulled out, rolled to his side, and took Kili into his hand. He watched with hooded eyes how Kili moaned and thrust up into his firm strokes. It didn’t take long at all for Kili to spill all over his stomach with a hitching breath, cock jerking in Thorin’s grasp. Only then did he kiss Kili deeply, swallowing his moans as he continued to stroke him until Kili squirmed, too sensitive for his gentle touch. Even after releasing Kili, Thorin didn’t stop kissing him languorously. When he finally pulled away, it wasn’t before he pressed his lips on Kili’s temple.

Weakened by bliss, Kili let Thorin clean him. Less distracted, he now noticed the wash basin and cloth on a nearby table, as well as the oiled skin that had protected the bed from the evidence of their activity. It seemed that truly Thorin had planned for this night. It flattered Kili to be so desired that he was deserving of such careful plotting. He patted the bed, eager to show his gratitude to Thorin, and grinned when Thorin joined him and pulled him to the cleaner side of the bed. Sighing contently, Kili laid his head on Thorin’s shoulder and slung his arm over his heaving torso. Night in the mountain could be cold, but their bodies were warm still, their sweat only starting to cool. Kili nuzzled Thorin’s neck, inhaling his familiar musk, and smiled when it earned him a kiss on his brows.

“I could stay here forever,” Kili sighed happily.

Thorin was quiet for a moment. “I wouldn’t mind, but you have to wake up early to go back to your room,” he reminded Kili gently. “Now you know how I feel,” he said dryly when Kili mumbled a protest.

Kili frowned and burrowed closer to Thorin, holding Thorin close. “I hope they come late,” he muttered.

“I hope that, too,” Thorin whispered.

The room was still brightened by candle lights and Thorin hadn’t even drawn up the blanket around them when Kili fell asleep. Kili was sure he didn’t dream, but he woke up with a song of longing in his head and the sight of Thorin’s sleepy face before his eyes. His chest was warm when he kissed Thorin before returning to his room. The hallway was cold and dark, but even half awake, Kili smiled, content in the knowledge that in a few hours he would have the night for himself and Thorin once more.

Thorin did make him scream a couple of nights later when he pinned Kili to the edge of his bed, Kili’s breeches pushed down to his thighs and his shirt and tunic pushed up to the middle of his back. Thorin grunted and growled as he pounded into Kili with unrestrained force that left Kili crying out and scrambling for purchase on the sheets helplessly. Thorin’s hands held him in place, fingers pressing bruises into Kili’s hip and side as he dragged Kili back to meet every thrust. Kili let out hitching gasps and moans as molten desire coursed through his body. His cock was hard and throbbing throughout despite the only contact it had being brushing against the bed sheets. Just being held down as Thorin used him without restraint was enough to have him aching and dripping copious amount of fluid on the marble floor and silk sheets.

Kili shouted at a particularly hard thrust that rammed Thorin’s cock to the depth of him and made his hole clenched in shock around the thickness that forced it wide. He came, painting the soft sheets with his seed, with Thorin’s hand quickly stroking him from root to tip. But, it wasn’t over. Kili moaned and begged plaintively as Thorin continued to pound into his tender body, forcing more waves of pleasure to overcome Kili that Kili came once more, dry. When Thorin finally spilled deep inside Kili with a loud groan, Kili sobbed with both pleasure and relief, trembling like a leaf in the wind. Thorin was so worried that he ordered Kili to not work the next day. It wasn’t necessary – Kili wasn’t in so much pain that he needed the rest – but he enjoyed how Thorin came to his room to see him every hour. He didn’t like seeing Thorin upset, but it warmed him to know Thorin cared about him enough to fret.

Thorin had Kili, too, in the sitting room, the stage for many quiet and failed seductions. He was gentle this time. The fire that roared in the hearth masked their sighs and moans as Kili slowly rode Thorin to completion. Kili couldn’t stop smiling at the sight of Thorin’s black and grey hair fanning around him and the healthy golden glow from the flame on Thorin’s fair skin. How handsome he looked, gazing at Kili so warmly from beneath him, and how gentle he was, pulling Kili down for a deep kiss. They came one after another quietly and rested there before the fire. They kissed and caressed each other until the fire had begun to turn into ember and they both must go to Thorin’s room, where a soft bed awaited them and their arms kept them warm better than a blanket could.

It was mostly in this fashion that Thorin had Kili, the only change in his behaviors during the period of privacy being a developing impatience. He no longer waited for the night to fully fall to shower Kili with his attention. Once, he even interrupted Kili when he was changing out of his work clothes and had Kili speared on his cock on his bed while still grimy with the side products of hard work.

But, it wasn’t just lust that brought them together. They talked, too, about their days and, perhaps more importantly, their past. This wasn’t exactly new, but there was something precious about the way they could held each other as they spoke this time. Thorin held Kili’s hand as he told him about the difficult time he had had, left alone by the only family he had left, accompanied by crumbling workshops and weakening legacy. Kili buried his face in the crook of Thorin neck as he whispered about the dwarfs Vilir had sent to him and the dreams of comfort he had had to abandon when shame kept him from finding a proper occupation. They didn’t talk about the seduction that had happened in Ered Luin, but they spoke of that time in vague terms that nevertheless belied how much they had grown to care for each other because of it. These moments were largely quiet. Although there were laughter and happiness, too, sometimes, it was the quietness that was precious, the tender moments they had, uninterrupted by lust or sense of ownership or obligation. Kili felt as if he was getting to know Thorin all over again, and what he discovered was a dwarf even more kind and honorable than he had thought. He was even more thankful for having a master as kind as Thorin, and when he told Thorin so, Thorin kissed him so sweetly that Kili couldn’t imagine being sad ever again in his life.

The privacy brought joy beyond belief. Kili couldn’t express how happy he was that Thorin could kiss him anytime he wanted or drew him close where they were side by side. Kili grew a little bolder, too. He touched and grinned at Thorin until Thorin regarded him with a smile and perhaps even a kiss. Kili was so used to holding back and didn’t know anything different. But, now he knew how it felt to breathe free and he breathed in as deeply as he could. Kili took and took – kisses, touches, conversations, silence – for he knew it wouldn’t last forever. He took and took until he couldn’t anymore. Almost a fortnight later, a message arrived informing Thorin that Bofur and his family would soon return. Kili’s disappointment was heavy and dark and perhaps Thorin felt it, too, for he held Kili more tightly in his bed that night.

They tried to prolong the stolen moment with slow kisses, lingering touches, and silent moments. But, time, as ever, was uncompromising. It marched on and soon came the dreaded day Bofur, Bifur and Bombur would return. Kili drew out his time in Thorin’s room as much as he could, waking before Thorin and kissing him to wakefulness. He roused Thorin to one last act of unrestrained passion, a half-asleep fumbling in the dark of the setting night. That didn’t last half as long as Kili would like. Too soon he was at the door, reluctant to cross the threshold. He wanted nothing more than to be allowed to stay, but the dawn was swiftly approaching and would take away the final shred of privacy. Firmly, Kili reminded himself of his duties. Whatever he wanted, whatever he wished for, it didn’t matter as much as whatever was good for Thorin. No one must know about them – no one should even suspect them. So, Kili left with heavy steps at last and managed to only spare the briefest glance back to see Thorin watching him with an inscrutable expression upon his face. Kili forced the image out of his mind and went to his room. It was strange how two could say goodbye without parting.

The first evening of Bofur, Bifur and Bombur’s return, both Thorin and Kili were quiet. This was hardly noticeable, however, as Bofur spoke enough for the both of them. He reported that the baby was healthy, as loud and pink-cheeked as any dwarf babe should be. Many predictions were made regarding her future – some wanted her to be a merchant, others wished her to be a miner, while other still wanted her to be a warrior. Bifur had made her toy jewelries, pickaxe, and sword to appease all sides. The child herself hadn’t indicated any preference as she was only a few days old. However, her (very grateful) parents promised to send a message to every dwarf interested as soon as she made her decision.

The parents’ gratitude was long, too. They praised Thorin lengthily despite having never met him. They also apologized for not being able to send a gift back as they deemed nothing they owned was good enough for Thorin and they couldn’t presently afford to purchase an appropriate gift in return. Thorin naturally made no complaint about it and only asked for the child to be brought up well. After all, it was rare for dwarfs to have children and rarer still to have daughters. Whatever future she chose in later life, Thorin insisted, her parents must support her, even if she chose to be something completely different from what others wanted for her. Provide her with guidance, but let her make her own decisions, and most importantly never revoke their love for her. Thorin said this with such solemnity that Kili wondered if he might be thinking of Dis. However, there was no chance to ask as Bofur and Bifur barely left their sides even after they moved to the sitting room. It was only once they retired to their rooms that they were alone. But, Thorin didn’t come to Kili’s room that night and Kili didn’t dare to go to his, thus the question remained unasked.

Kili thought to ask the next evening, but it was clear that something was amiss. Thorin was quieter than usual the day before, sluggish when he was usually alert. He was even paler than he normally was and when Kili managed to steal a touch, he found him feverish. Kili looked at him with wide eyes, realizing Thorin was sick, and probably had been since yesterday. When Thorin closed his eyes for a moment, it wasn’t due to ordinary exhaustion or wine. When he was quiet, it wasn’t because he had nothing to say. When he breathed harshly, it wasn’t because he was unhappy. Alarmed, Kili turned to Bofur to ask him to call a healer immediately, but Thorin subtly touched his knee to stop him.

“I’m only tired,” Thorin said quietly, slowly removing his hot hand from Kili’s knee. “I suppose I haven’t slept enough.”

Guilt flooded Kili, settling heavy and uncomfortable in his guts. Despite his promise to Bofur, Kili hadn’t been taking a good care of Thorin while the servants were gone. It had been Thorin who kept Kili awake until long past midnight, but Kili should’ve been more mindful and told him to sleep. Thorin had eaten lightly, too, preferring wine and conversation over a proper meal. Kili should’ve warned him about it. And how often had they slept without blanket protecting them from the chilly mountain air? It had been to cool the sweat on their bodies, but Kili should’ve known better. He had been so distracted by Thorin’s sweet attention in the rare period of privacy that he had forgotten that he wasn’t only to entertain Thorin, but also to take care of him while the servants were away.

“I’m sorry,” Kili apologized, bowing his head contritely.

“What for?” Thorin asked. When Kili didn’t reply as Bofur was standing just outside the sitting room, Thorin sighed. “I wanted it, too, remember?” he said quietly.

“But, I should have…”

Thorin shook his head. “We were both distracted, which was precisely what I wanted.” He offered Kili a small smile and patted his hand. “I will be fine after a good night’s sleep. I’ll go to bed now.”

Kili wanted to argue and tell Thorin that he shouldn’t always be so understanding to Kili’s mistakes, but now was hardly the time for an argument. If Thorin didn’t want a healer, then he should at least have a good rest. Kili stayed in the sitting room alone for a while as it was too early for him to retire to bed, but the room felt too quiet and big without Thorin beside him, so he went to his room, where he spent hours hoping that Thorin would soon recover.

However, in the morning, Thorin was not better. If anything, he seemed more unwell. Kili almost didn’t want to leave his side, but Thorin waved him away, assuring that he would be fine. But, when Kili returned in the afternoon, Thorin was in his room and a healer had been called for him. Bifur informed Kili of this with a flurry of barely comprehensible sign language that belied his own worries. When Kili was stunned silent by the news, he grunted and gestured for Kili to follow him to Thorin’s room where an elderly healer was preparing a draught while giving instructions to Bofur. Thorin was asleep in his bed, a frown marring his pale face. He looked far from restful. In fact, he looked very ill. Kili was almost overcome by an urge to rush to his side, to ease his pain in any way he was able, to hold his hand and comfort him. However, although the healer – Oin – had assured him that the sickness wasn’t contagious, Kili still held back, too conscious of the fact that they were no longer alone, and sister-sons weren’t commonly so worried about their uncles that they would run to their bedside to hold their clammy hand. Kili could only stand by the bedside, looking at Thorin helplessly. His hands felt too empty and he longed to fill them with Thorin’s. But, Bofur’s dutiful presence stopped Kili and after a few minutes of torturous inaction, Kili left.

Dinner was a terribly lonely affair without Thorin. Kili looked many times to the seat usually occupied by Thorin and the sight of it empty dejected him. He wished he could join Bofur attending to Thorin, but he feared he would expose how unnaturally close their relationship was. The brief period of privacy had brought Kili and Thorin ever closer, their relationship ever easier. Kili was afraid he would forget himself in the difficult time and exposed their secret, jeopardizing poor Thorin in the process. He, therefore, tried to stay away from Thorin’s room. After dinner, he went to the sitting room as was the norm, but found that he couldn’t sit down when Thorin’s absence from his side was even more evident. He paced around the room, stopping only to refill his overworked pipe and perpetually empty wine goblet. The exercise didn’t alleviate his anxiety by much and did absolutely nothing for his guilt. He asked Bifur about how Thorin was doing, but found that mere words weren’t enough. Kili had to see Thorin with his own eyes.

It was risky, but Kili was restless and lonely. When he got to Thorin’s room, the poor dwarf was sleeping again after taking his soup and medication. It was still not the peaceful sleep Kili was used to seeing. Thorin was still too pale, his skin beaded by sweat and his breaths too loud and unsteady. Bofur reported no significant change, but assured Kili it had only been a few hours – even Bombur’s best soup took a few hours to take effect on a weakened body. Surely Thorin would recover tomorrow or the day after that.

It wasn’t that Kili didn’t trust the healer or Bofur and Bombur, but the sight of Thoirn so weak filled Kili with worries and Kili’s inability to do anything about it devastated him helplessness. Strange as it was, Kili was envious of Bofur’s ability to care for Thorin without raising questions. Meanwhile, Kili could only Thorin from across the room, heart aching with guilt and helplessness. He didn’t even dare to come closer than a few steps from Thorin, afraid his feelings would betray him. Under Kili’s gaze, Thorin shifted and murmured indistinctly and Kili thought he would trade his life for a chance to join him in bed and pull him into his arms.

But, Kili went to his room to pace some more, riddled with nervousness and grief. He started a letter to Fili explaining his situation, but could barely form a comprehensible sentence. Even if he could, why would Fili share his worries? Thorin was, despite his age, still in his prime. A mere fever, especially one treated quite early, was unlikely to cause any serious harm. In only a few days he should be fine and they would spend time together again, the little episode of illness completely forgotten in the continuation of their peaceful habit. It only took a little patience and a little time for Thorin to regain his health. Fili would advise him to be sensible and calm down, and he would be right to do so.

Yet, still Kili was agitated by the situation. There was guilt, of course, because no matter what Thorin had said to assure him, Kili knew he was at fault for being so foolishly distracted by Thorin’s attention. However, most of what disturbed him was his inability to act. How he wished he could be Bofur, staying at Thorin’s bedside, feeding him and cooling him with cool cloths! How he wished he could serve Thorin fully and make sure he was comfortable and nurse him back to health! How he wished for a little of the privacy he had recently enjoyed so that he could hold and kiss Thorin’s hand and hold a vigil beside him all night!

But, these wishes were impossible. Frustrated, Kili went to bed, where he tossed and turned for so long until he was too tired to stay awake. The mountain was silent, then, and very cold. Kili spread his limbs to cover as much space of his bed as possible, but it still felt too big and too empty. He fell asleep with a worried frown on his face. His dream was dark and restless, a helpless pursuit for something forever out of his reach.

Then, his bed sagged and Kili woke up suddenly with a sharp inhalation. Sleep and faint light from the dying embers only allowed him to perceive a figure climbing into his bed. Alarm had only started to spread across him when a too-warm hand touched his arm. Thorin, Kili quickly recognized. He would know that touch anywhere. There was only ever one who touched him with such strength yet gentleness. Kili relaxed, then tensed up again when he realized what was happening. Thorin was slipping under his blanket when he should be sleeping in his room. Kili frowned worriedly at the near darkness when he was nudged to his side so Thorin could settle behind him, arms wrapped loosely over his torso as he nuzzled Kili’s nape. Kili was getting overheated, but he knew that Thorin must feel cold, so he bore it.

“You shouldn’t be here. You should be sleeping,” Kili said hesitantly. Despite what Thorin had told him, Kili was still not used to rejecting someone in bed. This time, it wasn’t fear or pain that made him hesitant, but genuine concern for Thorin’s wellbeing. The reason was right, but he was still unsure if it was allowed.

“I’m trying to,” Thorin replied somewhat grumpily, pulling Kili close to him. “I want to sleep here tonight.”

Indeed Kili didn’t detect any sign of desire from him. Even as he pulled Kili back toward him, he only seemed to want his nearness and warmth. An unknown feeling stirred in Kili’s chest, deep and expansive and confusing. There were loyalty and fondness that he knew, but there were other things he didn’t recognize, things that sink deeper than bones, reaching into something that had withered but Thorin had nursed back to life. Kili caressed Thorin’s arm lightly, suddenly uncertain about the intimate embrace. “What about Bofur?”

“I’ve sent him to bed. I told him I can’t rest very well with someone constantly hovering over me,” Thorin grumbled.

“Oh. But, your bed is much more comfortable,” he tried again.

Behind him, Thorin grunted. “Yes, but I sleep better when I’m with you.” He kissed the back of Kili’s neck, murmured something low and impossible to decipher, and promptly fell asleep, too-warm breaths caressing Kili’s nape.

Kili lied awake in the near dark, hardly moving a muscle. Thorin was all around him, safe and comforting as a home rather than constraining as a master should be, but Kili felt uneasy. His heart was pounding in his chest, so rapidly it drummed that it nearly ached. Slowly, he raised a trembling hand to stroke Thorin’s encircling arm. The deep affection it inspired made him pull his hand away as if burnt. Kili stared wide eyed into the shadows, heart full of fear and affection as he realized that he was in love with Thorin.

Chapter Text

There had been a time Kili wanted to fall in love. He had looked at his parents and the few lucky dwarfs in Ered Luin and wanted what they had: affection, companionship, and commitment. He had dreamt of a wife and perhaps children, of coming home late in the afternoon to a warm home and even warmer smiles. The dream had eventually waned, partially due to his father’s growing greed and partially due to his own dawning realization that he had no interest in the opposite sex. Then, it had truly disappeared when dwarf after dwarf came to his room at his father’s bidding. It had occurred to him then that no one would love someone as ruined as he. So, he had closed his heart and resigned himself to loneliness and discontent, convincing himself that it was enough to have his mother and brother safe near him. Kili had never expected to fall for anyone, had never thought himself capable of admiring and adoring anyone, had certainly never expected to long and yearn. And he hadn’t, until he fell in love with Thorin.

For a while, Kili hoped that he was wrong. He had never fallen in love before. Perhaps he only misunderstood his own feelings, mistook admiration and gratitude for something infinitely more profound. But, his heart ached when Thorin left his bed at the break of dawn, he was filled with anxiety when he saw Thorin weakened and pale, he was desperate to ensure his happiness and well-being, and his achingly hollow soul was full when Thorin joined him in bed to hold him tight through cold nights. Kili had no experience in love, but he had seen and heard about it enough to name the feelings he had for Thorin.

He loved Thorin. Kili didn’t know when it had started, but he didn’t question why it had started at all. After all, how could one not love someone as good, caring, and kind as Thorin? Every day they spent together, every minute Kili observed him and talked to him, it was clear that Thorin was one of the best dwarfs of Middle Earth. He had his flaws, but who didn’t? He could be difficult, but Kili couldn’t blame him when that difficulty was born out of a tremendous sense of responsibility for those under his employment and their families. It spoke very well of him to take his duties to his family and his employees seriously. And while that seriousness scarcely ever featured in private, his goodness was still apparent. How kindly Thorin always treated Kili! He could hurt and demean, having knowledge of Kili’s past unlike others, but he cared for and respected Kili instead. Even after living with him for over a year, it still bewildered Kili that someone like Thorin treated him like an equal. Of course they had to play a part when there were others present, but this attitude also appeared in bed, Thorin treating Kili as if Kili wasn’t someone he had essentially bought to warm his bed. Kili was constantly surrounded by evidence of his unrivaled character that he supposed it shouldn’t be a great surprise that he fell in love with Thorin in the end.

But, Thorin’s goodness couldn’t change the fact that they were closely related. Kili had more or less come to terms with the sexual nature of his relationship with Thorin—it was one of the few skills he had, he reasoned, and he could’ve had worse masters. However, love was something he hadn’t expected—or wanted. He was twisted enough. There was no need to add love to his own kin to his long list of wrongs. Kili felt terribly guilty to his mother and brother, and the family he hadn’t known existed until Thorin entered his life. He shouldn’t have been so wicked. He shouldn’t have been so stupid as to misunderstand Thorin’s kind treatments as anything more than generous charity and a product of guilt. Yet, Kili’s treacherous heart continued to long for Thorin despite his internal reprimands. He almost wished Thorin was a terrible dwarf, so that his feelings would erode away, but Thorin was not, and every day Kili was faced by the fact that his love would neither go away or be accepted.

In the meantime, Thorin’s condition deteriorated briefly before gradually improving. Kili wanted to keep his distance in hope of eliminating his feelings, but even if Thorin didn’t nightly make quiet trip to his room to sleep embracing him, Kili couldn’t resist being drawn to his lavish room to sit by his side and entertain him with conversation or only watching him recuperate in silence. Every second they spent together only served to strengthen his love for Thorin. Kili was struck again and again by how good Thorin was, how handsome he was, how lucky his previous lovers had been, and how Kili wished he could be a dwarf worthy to be loved by him. But, he wasn’t and would never be. Thorin deserved someone better than him. Someone who hadn’t been touched and used by too many dwarfs to count, who had aided his father’s destructive habit, who had sunken so low as to sleep with and love his own uncle. Thorin deserved so much better than him. Kili knew and understood this, yet the thought hurt him deeply still.

The first night Thorin came to his room after his full recovery, Kili wasn’t sure what to do. As happy as he was to see Thorin move with confidence again instead of sluggishness, he was also worried about how well he could control his feelings under Thorin’s tender attention. Kili bit his lip when he undressed Thorin, turned his head away when Thorin kissed down his neck and chest, and closed his eyes when Thorin kissed him deeply while preparing him with careful fingers. But, nothing he did could rein in the growing yearning in his chest. His arms longed to embrace and never let go. His tongue was thick with words he couldn’t and mustn’t confess. Thorin took his place between Kili’s legs, looming over him, but not threatening him. Instead, he smiled down to Kili and pushed stray strands of hair away from Kili’s face as if he was worth caring for, as if he was worth looking at. Kili felt choked up with emotions for a moment before fear and shame overtook him.

Kili put his hand on Thorin’s chest, just above his scar, surprising him. “Wait,” he managed to say. Once Thorin pulled away (Kili tried not to pay too much attention to his look of deep concern,) Kili turned to his front and hid his face in his pillow. “Like this,” he requested, his voice muffled.

Kili had hoped that by hiding his face and not looking at Thorin, he would be able to control himself better. However, Thorin pushed his hair to one shoulder and applied his lips on the exposed skin of Kili’s neck and shoulder, gently kissing him. His hands were big and warm as they ran over his sides to settle on his hips. Kili tried to keep quiet as he was pried open, but he couldn’t help the moan he let out when Thorin nudged his stretched entrance and then slowly pushed into him, mouthing Kili’s shoulder wetly all the while. The stretch, while familiar, was overwhelming. Kili was panting by the time Thorin was fully nestled inside him, his hips pressing tightly against Kili’s bottom. Thorin slipped one hand under him to pull him close as he started to rock his hips, stroking places that had Kili gasping and pushing back under him.

Thorin kissed his shoulder. “How I’ve missed this,” he breathed heavily. He nuzzled Kili’s temple when he whined as Thorin shifted about to make him spread his legs wider.

The brush of Thorin’s stones against the sensitive skin behind Kili’s drove Kili mad. Kili grasped the pillow and sheets as Thorin continued to take him apart slowly and thoroughly, barely ever leaving him unfulfilled. He bit his lip against a loud moan when Thorin’s fingers brushed against his nipple and toyed with it lightly. His cock was trapped between his body and the bed, the friction not enough to give him release. A small part of Kili wanted to rut against the bed and have it over and done with, but he wanted, more than anything, despite everything, to pleasure Thorin first before finding his own completion. So, he could only gasp and muffle his noises as Thorin reclaimed his place inside him, his fat cock testing Kili’s self-control.

Thorin groaned as he snapped his hips forward, drawing a short cry from Kili. He stroked Kili’s heaving torso calmingly while resuming his slow pace and rolling his hips most damningly to make Kili almost beg for mercy. “I wish I could hear you again,” he admitted hoarsely. Then, he turned Kili’s head to face him and claim his lips gently.

Kili had to close his eyes afterwards, unable to face the raw unreserved expression he knew Thorin had whenever he was in the height of passion. Even just Thorin’s quiet sighs and murmurs, his tender caresses, and the slick slides of his cock in and out of Kili’s body were almost enough to undo his resolve to keep quiet. When Kili finally spent in Thorin’s knowing hand, he sobbed in relief and desolation. Only moments later, Thorin’s hips stuttered tellingly. As he moaned Kili’s name and staked his claim on Kili’s body once again, Kili hoped he would never know how he also had a claim in Kili’s heart.

The brief period of privacy had made Thorin bold. Previously, he wouldn’t have risked touching Kili when his servants were still awake. However, now whenever Bofur and Bifur were occupied for even a second, he would caress Kili or even kiss him fleetingly. Once he even summoned Kili to his study so he could leisurely sucked him off while Kili shakily stroked his hair and watched the glittering city of Dale below through hazy eyes. Had this happened a months ago, Kili would’ve been very pleased, not worried at all about his place in Erebor or his family’s well-being in Ered Luin. However, now it was a test and even occasionally a torment to receive such doting attention without revealing that he had fallen for Thorin.

In Ered Luin, Kili had learnt to tell lies. He could smile even when he was hurt and seduce when he wanted to run away and never come back. He could conjure up pretty words to gratify and flatter and save his family. When he first came to Thorin, it had been easy to utilize those skills, but now he found himself tongue-tied and awkward as he realized that every compliment and plea were genuine expression of his feelings.

When had the lies become truth? Kili couldn’t pinpoint the moment. His first time with Thorin had been rife with lies—he hadn’t been half as enthusiastic as he had seemed. But, the day he had finally managed to persuade Thorin to make use of him properly, his eagerness for Thorin’s touch had been real, as had been his happiness and relief when he held Thorin in his arms again. Kili hadn’t been able to name it, then. However, now he looked back and saw that his anger over the dwarf Thorin had called for had been, in fact, jealousy. True, his concern over his family had been part of his motivation to beg Thorin to take him instead of asking for the dwarf again. But, there had also been possessiveness there, unwillingness to share Thorin’s intimate touches with anyone else. He had wanted Thorin entirely for himself—he still did. Kili wanted to be the only one who knew Thorin’s unguarded smiles, hidden passion, inner thoughts, unspoken feelings, secret wishes, artless self. He wanted to be the one Thorin went to for a listening ear, comforting arms, carnal satisfaction, simple companionship. He wanted to be the one for Thorin.

Kili couldn’t let Thorin know. At best, Thorin would pity him and lavish him with affection out of guilt or a sense of responsibility. Kili knew Thorin was still weighed down by his failure to find Dis sooner and save her children from the disgrace brought by her husband. He would find Kili’s love to be an opportunity to make up for his failure and absence, and Kili didn’t want that. If Thorin were to love him back—and Kili doubted he would—he wanted Thorin to do so out of his own free will, because he truly found Kili someone worthy of his heart and affection, not because he felt guilty. And at worst, Thorin would turn him away. He might be repulsed by Kili and even if Kili wasn’t worried about how this might affect his family’s wellbeing, he couldn’t bear the thought of being parted from Thorin. It had been painful before he fell for Thorin, but now the mere thought of not being near Thorin was absolutely agonizing. It was selfish of Kili, but he resolved to keep his love a secret so that he might continue to enjoy proximity and intimacy with Thorin.

Kili thought he had done well putting up a cheerful face in front of Thorin. He had practiced it a lot in Ered Luin, after all, and it had fooled people every time. However, his closeness with Thorin had the side effect of making Thorin know him well. How he saw through Kili’s façade, Kili didn’t know, but one night as they laid satiated in Kili’s bed, Thorin turned to him and asked, “what’s bothering you?”

Kili turned to him in surprise. “Nothing.”

Thorin studied him closely. “Something has been bothering you for a while now. I could tell.” He shifted to his side so he could look at Kili better. “What makes you unhappy?” he asked seriously.

For a moment, dread filled Kili—how much had Thorin known from observing him? But, Thorin’s calm if concerned demeanor put Kili’s anxieties at rest. If Thorin knew the truth, surely he wouldn’t question Kili in this manner. “It’s just my family,” Kili replied, not entirely untruthfully. After all, he often worried about the state of things in Ered Luin. Nothing bad had happened yet, but Kili knew Fili and Dis weren’t as fortunate as he was.

“Did something happen?” Thorin asked, frowning in concern.

“No, but gambling habit rarely improves. Fili hasn’t said anything, but he’s preparing for the inevitability that your allowance won’t be enough for my father.” That was also true. Fili had been working hard so that he wouldn’t be dependent on Thorin’s gold. Even Dis had found a job at the market. So far, their incomes hadn’t been necessary to support their family, but sooner or later they would be the only means for their survival.

“Should I send more gold?”

“No!” Kili quickly said, shaking his head. “You’ve given more than enough and sending more would just make the inevitable happen sooner.”

Thorin didn’t argue. “Do you want to visit them to see how they’re doing? You haven’t seen them in so long.”

If there was any benefit from the great distance between Erebor and Ered Luin, it was that it made it difficult for Vilir to ask for more gold from Thorin. Kili knew if he went to Ered Luin, he would have a hard time refusing Vilir. Not only was Vilir persuasive, he also had control over Dis and Fili. Thorin might have little sympathy for Vilir, but he wouldn’t let Dis and Fili suffer, and frankly Kili was the same. “No. It’s better to stay here.”

Thorin was silent for a long time, then, much to Kili’s surprise, asked, “do you want them here?”

Kili looked at Thorin with wide eyes. Surely he didn’t mean… But, Thorin was looking at him earnestly. This wasn’t an idle idea. If Kili so asked, Thorin would send for Dis and Fili. It wouldn’t be an easy or cheap endeavor and there was no telling how Vilir would react to that. But, if Kili asked, Thorin would make it happen, his guilt and generosity making it impossible for him to refuse such an offer. Kili didn’t want to take advantage of him, however. At least, no more than he already had. He had already been given more than he had ever had in his life and now he used their intimacy to feed his desire for Thorin’s heart. He couldn’t take more from Thorin, even if he missed his mother and brother terribly. It wasn’t as if they would agree, after all.

“I don’t think they’d want to come here. My mother seems set to stay by my father’s side no matter what and Fili…” Kili trailed off, not knowing how to kindly explain Fili’s wariness of Thorin.

“Fili doesn’t like me,” Thorin finished for him. He shook his head when Kili protested. “I know that and I understand why.” He caressed Kili’s arm absently, looking contemplative. “I imagine it’s like how I feel about your father.”

“You’re nothing like my father!” Kili cried. “You never hurt anyone and you give far more than you take! You’re kind to everyone, even me! You’re not like him at all!”

“I bought you from your family,” Thorin pointed out.

“You saved me from my father,” Kili countered. “Fili doesn’t understand that. He never goes through what I went through. He doesn’t realize—or doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact—that he won’t be able to save me.”

“Why not?”

“He will never be able to buy me from our father,” Kili stated plainly. “He works very hard, but he’ll never be able to afford taking me away from Ered Luin and starting a new life somewhere. Not that I want to leave my mother alone with my father.” Kili pursed his lips. “She’s safer now, I think, because of you,” Kili said to calm Thorin down. “But, Fili won’t be able to save her—not as you’ve saved me.”

Thorin frowned. “I’ll send him…”

“He won’t take it,” Kili interjected. “Fili is proud, although he doesn’t look like it. He’ll want to do it on his own. He dreamt of earning a wealth so we could leave Ered Luin and start a life far from there. He had it all plotted out, you see? He’d save up his wage so we could move to a city where blacksmith skill was in great demands to make weapons—he liked to talk about Dale or Ered Mithrin. He’s young, but his skill improves every day and everyone knows no one makes better weapons than dwarfs. He’d start out working at a local blacksmith, but eventually he’d start his own forge. I could do whatever I wanted to do and we’d still be set for life, he said.” Kili smiled, thinking back on the dreams he and Fili had often shared and discussed. These had been the only beacons of light in those dark days, even though Kili had always known they were unlikely to happen. He was right, but Fili still didn’t see it.

“Pride is a dangerous thing,” Thorin said gravely. “I know it too well. I hope he learns it faster than I did.”

Still smiling, Kili moved to his side so he could face Thorin. “Fili is a quick learner. Although, I still think he won’t take well to you offering him gold.”

Thorin took Kili’s hand and squeezed it, unknowingly sending sparks of love and warmth over Kili. “So you’ll wait until he learns that he can’t do everything alone?” he asked, sounding a little upset.

“I’ve shown him that it’s not so bad to allow someone to help you, but there aren’t many people who can help him in Ered Luin and fewer still he can trust.”

“I can help him,” Thorin said, frowning. “If he lets me, I will.”

Kili sighed. “I don’t think he will. But, I’ll tell him that you offer to help him the next time I write to him. It will at least show him that he has friends here.”

Thorin still looked displeased, but didn’t argue. “Our family is too proud,” he said warily, instead.

“It really is!” Kili laughed. Sensing a chance to change the grim subject, Kili immediately seized it. His family’s problem shouldn’t be Thorin’s. Thorin had done enough. It was time for Kili and Fili to find a solution on their own. “Tell me more about your cousins, especially Dwalin. I really would like to meet him someday!”

Thorin looked as if he knew what Kili was trying to do, but he indulged him now as he had indulged him many times before. He began to tell Kili of his cousins—warriors, merchants, and blacksmiths—spread all across Middle Earth. Kili laughed and joked at their stories and after a while, Thorin joined him, too. They slept late that night and as Thorin’s steady breaths on Kili’s shoulder delivered Kili to dreams, Kili swallowed the confession on his tongue that he believed Thorin to be the best of the cousins, the one most worthy of love.

As promised, Kili wrote to Fili that Thorin was concerned about the situation in Ered Luin. Unsurprisingly, this was met with reassurance that Fili and Dis were doing well. They had both begun to distance themselves from Vilir, although Fili admitted that they were nowhere close to leaving Ered Luin. Kili kept this tomhimself, of course. Not wanting to worry Thorin, he just told him that Fili and Dis were well. Fortunately, although he didn’t seem entirely convinced, Thorin didn’t press. Kili was relieved. He was keeping so many secrets. He wasn’t sure how much he could conceal if Thorin demanded the truth. Hiding his love from Thorin was difficult enough.

So far, Kili had succeeded in keeping it a secret, but only just. Thorin’s private affection had become  danger, as Kili treasured and desired it so despie the risk of it bringing out the truth. He yearned for the illusion it produced of him being deemed worthy of Thorin’s love. Every private moment they spent together, every secret smile, stolen kiss, honest conversation, idle touch threatened to make Kili forget himself and think that he was Thorin’s lover. But, he was not, although he started to accept their relationship was more complex and deeper than that of a master and a servant. Kili believed Thorin couldn’t help but feel some attachment to his sister-son. The heavy guilt concerning Dis aside, Thorin and Kili had become good friends, brought together by desires to improve themselves and others, as well as their inherent obstinacy. Kili valued their conversations as much as he valued their hours of passion. The first time he disagreed with Thorin, Kili had forgotten himself and immediately completely regretted everything. It hadn’t helped that Thorin could be unwelcoming to any opposition. However, they had found themselves forgiving each other soon and Thorin had later even admitted that he could benefit from a different view.

What honor Kili had been given to be treated like Thorin’s equal! Kili tried not to disappoint him, although he felt himself lacking the competence and experience to contribute significantly to their conversations. Thorin was fortunately a moderately patient teacher, who didn’t mind correcting Kili whenever he came to the wrong opinions. There was much for Kili to learn from the world and he liked to think he improved every evening under Thorin’s guidance. He wrote so to Fili, who seemed to grow warmer about Thorin by week. He was still understandably uncomfortable with the arrangement that had been struck between Vilir and Thorin regarding Kili, but Kili felt Fili had begun to see that Thorin did much good to Kili. Kili had never thought of himself as stupid—very unfortunate, perhaps, but not stupid—but he had become more critical and observant. He appointed himself to be the eyes and ears of Thorin, who was usually busy in his office and only heard of the happenings outside through a handful of employees who mostly spent their times in the stores. Kili had the freedom to walk about in Dale and Erebor and used this to his advantage, noting any change in the populace that might be of use to Thorin’s business. The only issue was that Kili was more comfortable among menial workers than their employers, although Thorin had talked about introducing him to the upper society.

The thought that Kili could be a part of the respectable society (of Erebor, no less!) was dizzying. He still felt like an impostor sometimes, a dishonored dwarf masquerading behind expensive clothes and powerful relation to hide his dark past. But, Thorin never made any issue about Kili’s life in Ered Luin and consequently others never questioned it. Thorin’s confidence seemed to be enough for them and they embraced Kili’s status as the long-missing sister-son readily enough. How would they react to knowing the truth, Kili wondered. Perhaps some would react with pity as Thorin did, but no doubt others would be repulsed, seeing Kili’s abuse as a result of his own doing or lack of attempt to stop the mistreatment. Kili had been in the world long enough to know there were types who considered misfortune to be punishment for one thing of another. It didn’t bother him, although it worried him how that might change their view of Thorin. This kind of dishonor could ruin a family’s reputation for good and, knowing the hard work Thorin had put into their family business, Kili would hate to destroy everything because he hadn’t been able to refuse his father.

But, nothing of that sort had come to pass. Erebor was still oblivious to Kili’s life in Ered Luin and Thorin still treated him like it didn’t matter. The only hardship in Kili’s life today was keeping his love for Thorin a secret. It wasn’t easy, constantly threatened by the temptation of Thorin’s care and attention, but Kili learnt to enjoy any scrap of affection he could get from Thorin while managing his hopes and dreams. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad for Kili to learn self-control as Dis used to call him reckless. It might be good for him to learn to think twice about every word and action, although Kili couldn’t but feel control over love was unnecessary. It was good to not be consumed by it, but he didn’t think it should be moderated, unless, of course, the love was as unnatural as what he felt for Thorin.

But, this secret love was Kili’s problem to bear. Thorin was not to know it. Kili made no indication of it as they walked home together from Dale, taking the longer route through less crowded tunnels. It had become something of a habit for Thorin to inspect on Kili’s store last so that they could go home together. It happened only once or twice a week, but Kili was glad for the opportunity to be with Thorin without supervision or caution. People who saw them together thought nothing more of them than an uncle and his nephew walking home from work and discussing business matters. After all, that was what they did for the most part, aside from the little commentaries about the city, their friends, and the weather. Both were saving more intimate discussions for bed, but of course no one else was aware of this—nor should anyone be aware of it.

“If Balin hadn’t told me otherwise, I would’ve thought you had neglected your duties. You seem to know everything about everyone in Dale,” Thorin mused when Kili told him about the business affairs of some establishments near Thorin’s store.

“Not everything and certainly not everyone!” Kili laughed. “There are so many people in Dale, and every day new people come still!”

“It’s a very busy city,” Thorin agreed, smiling. “I thought about moving you to one of my stores here in Erebor, but you seem to prefer being in Dale.”

“If you want me to, I won’t refuse,” Kili quickly said. “I do like Dale, but if you think I’ll be more useful in Erebor, I wouldn’t mind working here—it will be a shorter travel, too!”

Thorin shook his head. “I always let my employees choose. Some like you prefer working in Dale. Erebor is a busy mountain, but you only see dwarfs here, while Dale has many kinds of people. Some people like the variety. Do you?”

Kili thought about it carefully. His first instinct, as always, was to please Thorin. However, he knew by now that Thorin wanted him to have opinion of his own. If he replied solely based on what he thought Thorin wanted to hear, Thorin wouldn’t be happy. “I do like how different our customers are in Dale. I think it would be interesting to see how they might be different from the dwarfs of Erebor.”

“Us dwarfs tend to like similar things—gold, gemstones, glittering luxuries—wherever we are.”

“I can’t see you in gemstones,” Kili commented, laughing. Aside from his gold necklace, Thorin’s other jewelries were simply decorated in runes, although they were made of mithril. Colorful gemstones wouldn’t fit his somber personality and Kili couldn’t imagine him covered in them.

“Neither can I,” Thorin retorted, smirking. “Perhaps it’s because I’ve spent my whole life around them. They don’t interest me much.”

Kili’s memory of his mother before his father succumbed to gambling addiction was growing more and more faint. However, he remembered that she also hadn’t worn many gemstones. Her dresses had been colorful, but her jewelries were always silver and, like Thorin’s, decorated with runes. It couldn’t have been merely a matter of cost because there were affordable gemstones—usually flawed and dull—so perhaps it really was due to the siblings’ upbringing. Kili wondered about their late brother, the young Frerin. The jewelries intended for him were inlaid with precious stones. Had he liked them or had they been chosen for him by someone else?

“You’ve never worn any jewelry. Do you not like them?” Thorin asked.

“Oh, I like them, but I lose them too easily, so I’d rather not wear them.” Kili shrugged. “And I don’t think it suits someone like me.”

“It suits you very well,” Thorin argued, frowning.

“But, I’m just…”

Thorin held up his hand to silence Kili. They stopped in the middle of the tunnel so Thorin could regard him seriously. “You are my sister’s son and one of my valuable employees. You deserve esteem and comfort as much as any respectable dwarf in Erebor. If you don’t like jewelries, you don’t have to wear them, but I don’t want you to do so because you don’t think you deserve them.”

Although the reminder of their relation gave Kili a little unease, the rest of Thorin’s words comforted and thrilled him. Thorin had always treated him with respect. Even before, in Ered Luin, he had treated Kili like he deserved the respect that no one gave him. Kili had begun to think that perhaps he had put himself down too harshly and in a way had discredited Thorin by expecting him to behave as awfully as some. It was the effect of living in Erebor where even the most common dwarf, the most lowly workers, were treated with esteem. Kili still struggled with this new attitude, but Thorin’s complete respect for him helped him learn. Although, Kili must say Thorin was too kind to him—no doubt their complex relation had softened his view of Kili and his many flaws. Thorin’s behaviors might be driven by partiality, but Kili couldn’t help but be charmed, falling for Thorin a little deeper. He pushed back the warm glow in his chest and hoped it didn’t show on his expression.

“I barely know how to behave like a respectable dwarf,” Kili joked. “I’m sure you’ve noticed—and Bofur and Bifur would agree even if they wouldn’t admit it.”

“By respectable you mean…”

“Well-mannered, honorable, knowing how to carry oneself in any situation,” Kili recounted. “You tolerate me—and I’m grateful for that—but I think it’s clear that I wasn’t raised the way you were.”

Thorin hummed and continued walking. Kili quickly fell into pace beside him. “Manners could be learnt. Behaviors could be changed. I find your manners refreshing compared with how stiff some people I know are. But, if you’re interested in learning, I can arrange Bofur to teach you some things.”

“Oh! Can you?” Kili exclaimed in excitement. He never thought he would be interested in learning the strict rules of conduct, but he couldn’t resist his curiosity, as well as his desire to behave like someone Thorin might want to keep near him. If he couldn’t be Thorin’s lover, he could at least be someone that wouldn’t bring shame to Thorin. “I’d be very happy to learn!”

“Of course.” Thorin nodded, smiling in approval of Kili’s excitement. “If you do well, by the end of it, I will throw a dinner party for a number of close friends so you can show them what you’ve learnt.”

That sounded like a challenge and Kili never backed off from one. “Very well, then. I look forward to my lessons—and the dinner party!” He stopped suddenly. “Oh! I forgot to send my letter to Fili!”

“You can have Bofur send it for you,” Thorin suggested.

Kili could, but even after all this time, he was still unused to giving orders. He liked doing things on his own and keeping himself busy. This time was no exception. “There’s no need to ask Bofur. We haven’t gone too far, so I’ll just go myself. It’s a little late for the ravens to fly, but at least this way the letter will be sent first thing in the morning.”

“Is it urgent?”

Recognizing the concern in Thorin’s voice, Kili quickly shook his head. “No, but I’ve been too busy to write to him lately and he gets terribly worried when he hasn’t heard from me for a while.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, I hope.”

“No, absolutely not,” Kili said firmly. “I’m trying to convince him of it and I think he’s starting to believe me.”

Thorin smiled wryly. “Believe me, you mean. The distrust is not without reason.”

“It’s very much without reason!” Kili argued, frowning. “I’ll make him see sense. I’m much happier now that I’m with you. You never harm me and you take good care of me. I’ll make him understand I’ve never been as happy as when I’m with you.” Realizing that he had spoken too earnestly, Kili quickly turned away. “I’ll see you back home.”

“Kili.”

Before Kili could respond, Thorin crowded him against the wall. Kili’s feeble protest was gone before it was said, swallowed into the depth of Thorin’s mouth. Kili melted immediately, parting his lips for Thorin to restake this claim on him. It was a short kiss, owing to the fact that they were in public, although the tunnel was deserted. Nevertheless, Kili’s knees felt weak when Thorin pulled away. He was breathless under Thorin’s warm gaze, his heart swelling at the illusion of being loved by Thorin. Kili must forcibly remind himself that this was how Thorin treated him normally. It didn’t mean anything more significant than his general gentleness and compassion, and unfamiliarity with how to treat his property. The reminder hurt, the ache throbbing in Kili’s chest, but he managed to control his yearning and let Thorin step away from him.

“I’ll wait for you at home,” Thorin told him. His gaze slid down to Kili’s lips briefly, as if he wanted to give him another kiss, but he stepped back instead. “Hurry or the food will be cold.”

Kili nodded, painfully in love, terrifically hopeless. “I’ll be quick,” he promised.

Yet, they remained rooted to the spot, staring at each other in silence. It was Kili who turned away first, afraid of what his expression might reveal. He was a terrible liar and Thorin knew him too well. He couldn’t let Thorin suspect that Kili’s feelings for him were anything deeper than dutifulness. Thorin’s footsteps echoed shortly after, growing quieter as he left. Kili closed his eyes and sighed. He’d heard many times of how lovers loathed being apart for even a moment, but he and Thorin weren’t lovers, and could never be lovers. Still, the aching in Kili’s heart when the echoes of Thorin’s footsteps disappeared was impossible to ignore. It didn’t matter that he would see Thorin again shortly. He didn’t want to be separated from Thorin to begin with.

But, the choice wasn’t his to make. Kili patted his pocket, where the letter for Fili was safely kept. Last night, he had indulged himself and written about his growing feelings for Thorin and begged for his brother’s counsel. It had lifted a small portion of the weight on his shoulders, sad and completely inappropriate though it was. Kili had burnt the page then. Even if he had dared to send it, he would’ve just received Fili’s disapproval. Fili would’ve reasoned that the feelings only grew because of their proximity and the comforts Thorin heaped on Kili daily. He would’ve told Kili to get over it, for not only it was inappropriate, but it was also a fleeting fancy, no deeper than the summer Kili had spent longing for a farmer’s daughter after she kindly gave him a basket of warm meal when his mother was ill.

But, this was different. Kili’s feelings for the farmer’s daughter were but a shadow compared with the utter adoration and devotion Kili felt for Thorin today. What he had felt back then had been a juvenile infatuation, but there was nothing juvenile about what Kili felt now. Kili could feel it in his soul. It wasn’t the excitement of stealing glances and kisses or even secret understanding that he sought from Thorin. In fact, Kili sought nothing, wanting only to devote himself entirely for Thorin, to make Thorin happy, to give as much as Thorin had given him, to protect Thorin, to share contentment. For a moment, Kili wished he were in love with the farmer’s daughter still, for it was a far more achievable than this love. Unfortunately for him, it was his lot in life to fall for a dwarf who was both his uncle and far too honorable to stoop so low as to love him back.

“I see now why you’re so attached to him.”

Kili’s blood instantly turned into ice. It had been ages since he last heard the voice, but his body remembered the horror it brought as well as if he had only heard it yesterday. His heart raced in his chest and every fiber of him demanded him to run, run before it was far too late. It could not be, Kili tried to tell himself. That dwarf was in Ered Luin. Kili had left that nightmare behind him. Thorin had saved Kili. He was safe now in Erebor, far from the horrors of Ered Luin. But, when Kili turned around, an unfortunately familiar dwarf emerged from a darkened corner and to the well-lit hall. Kili’s heart sank as Northri smirked at him.

Having been used to Erebor, Northri’s extravagant display of wealth that had once awed Kili now appalled him. It wasn’t the value that offended Kili now, for the jewelry that Northri wore might cost around the same as the jewelry that any average dwarf in Erebor wore, and Kili never cared for riches besides. No. It was the layers upon layers of luxury that Northri put on in an attempt to impress. It was his insistence of quantity instead of quality. In Ered Luin, he was deeply admired for this, but Erebor he was seen as exactly who he was: a dwarf of poor-breeding and even poorer lifestyle. And he seemed to realize this, too, for never had Kili seen him with so much fineries or had he ever seen the wild look in Northri’s eyes. The sight alarmed Kili immediately. He knew nothing good could come out of them.

“Northri,” Kili greeted him curtly.

Northri sneered at him. “Arrogant now, aren’t you, boy? Just because you wear fine clothes and have a nice jewelry you think you can look down on me. But you haven’t changed, have you? Still earning a living by sleeping around, aren’t you?”

Had Northri seen him and Thorin? It couldn’t be as the tunnel had been empty but for them, although it was true there were dark corners where one could potentially hide and see them. Kili fought not to show his nervousness. A single moment of weakness was all Northri ever needed to attack—that was why he was a good merchant and an even better gambler. Kili must remain calm. Let Northri have his assumptions. It was always easier (easier for what, Kili shuddered to recall) to let him think he had the upper hand. He’d leave after gloating—he always did—and Kili would be left with nothing more than rattled nerves. It would be all right. Northri couldn’t have possibly known. Even Vilir wouldn’t tell anyone that he had sold his son to his brother in-law. Kili had been careful in Erebor, too, letting no one suspect a thing and always making sure that no one was near when Thorin craved intimacy. Northri must be lying or otherwise talking about something else. He must be.

Unhappy with Kili’s lack of reaction, Northri pressed on, coming closer toward him. “Nothing to say? Or are you proud of that, too? I’ve seen your kind around Erebor. Proud bastards, all of them, thinking just because they live in Erebor, whores are better than a respectable dwarf from the colony!” Northri’s voice rose in the end, genuine rage glowing in his eyes. “Have they taught you their pride? Do you learn new tricks between playing the part of a proper dwarf in Dale?” He grinned when Kili frowned. “Oh, yes. I’ve been watching you for a while. Those people think you’re a decent dwarf. I wonder if they’ll still think the same when they find out how eagerly you roll to your back at a dwarf’s command, presenting yourself like an animal.”

“That was in the past!” Kili snapped as fear and disgust twisted around him.

It was the crack Northri had been looking. Kili realized too late when Northri grinned an all-too-familiar grin. “Was it? You don’t sleep with anyone who offers you gold anymore? So, I didn’t see you kiss your own uncle just now?”

Kili’s stomach dropped. His body was suddenly cold all over. He wanted to believe this wasn’t true. This was a bluff, one of the many Northri had employed over the years to win at gambling. But, the satisfied look on Northri’s face at Kili’s stony expression said differently. He had seen. This wasn’t a ruse. This was Kili’s fears exactly. This was why he’d been so resistant to Thorin’s increasing boldness despite his own growing longing for the gentleness. Someone was bound to see them and now they had been seen by the worst possible person. Kili wasn’t a coward but he was terrified now, although not for himself. He was glad that Thorin had left because he was afraid of what twisted thing Northri would do to Thorin.

“I thought I saw you two back in Ered Luin. I was sure you two were being… overly friendly in the field. But, I thought no, it couldn’t be. Even Vilir’s little whore wouldn’t sink so low as to seduce his own uncle. Clearly, I was wrong,” Northri continued, smiling dangerously. “No wonder you disappeared so suddenly. I almost had you, you know? Your father wanted a hundred gold coins a year—a steep price for a pair of well-used holes—but I’m generous. I agreed as long as he met my conditions.” Suddenly, his expression changed. The mocking smile turning into a snarl. “But, then you were gone! You were supposed to be mine! Mine! Tell me. How much does he pay you? What’s the price to make you spread your legs for your own blood?”

Four hundred gold coins a year, Kili thought. Four times the price Northri offered. Kili was never proud of it, but now that Northri mentioned it, he was sick. What kind of dwarf could put a price on himself? Even desperation couldn’t justify that. His father might have sold him, but Kili hadn’t fought him too hard. In fact, hadn’t he goaded Northri himself? Hadn’t he teased Northri in order to get a top price? And before that, hadn’t he agreed to seduce Thorin in the first place? Perhaps Vilir was guiltier, but Kili was complicit in his own doom. He was the whore Northri kept calling him.

“Do you know your father now walk around Ered Luin like a true honorable dwarf? All the while his wife and oldest son break their backs trying to make a living while his other son becomes slave to his own uncle.”

“I cannot speak for my father, but it’s honorable to work hard for a living,” Kili replied coolly. He hadn’t heard about his father, but he wasn’t surprised, for it was in Vilir’s character to use gold most unwisely. He was more worried about his mother and brother, but trusted Fili to inform him should they need any help.

“For a slave, you speak like a master. Does your beloved uncle teach you that?”

Kili clenched his hands into fists. “Nobody is a master of anyone. It’s a belief shared by honorable dwarfs, none of whom I knew before I met Thorin.”

Northri scowled. “So honorable as to bed his own sister-son?” He scoffed. “What a fool. I don’t know why he bothered to install his whore of a nephew in his nice house and spoil him like a lover.”

“He’ll never see me that way!” Kili said sharply.

It was entirely the wrong thing to say. Northri must have detected something in Kili’s tone of voice or otherwise his face, as his eyes glinted victoriously. “Ah. I see. He doesn’t see you that way, but you wish he would, don’t you?” He laughed as Kili’s guts turned and twisted. “Good for him! Maybe he is an honorable dwarf after all, for no honorable dwarf would see anything worth liking in you!”

“Thorin respects me,” Kili argued. “He doesn’t care about my past. He treats me like I’m his equal.”

Northri arched an eyebrow smugly. “Maybe he does, but will others think the same when they find out what you are? Will they think of him the same when they find out what you’ve made him do?”

Kili stopped breathing. “You must not tell others,” he choked out.

“Why not? Will it hurt the honorable Thorin son of Thrain when people know he lays with his sister-son? Will it turn people against him?” Northri grinned predatorily. “Erebor is a place of honor for us dwarfs. Does it have a place for someone like him?”

Kili pressed his lips together into a thin line. If it were just him, he wouldn’t care. He would gladly leave Erebor when it treated him as it should from the start. But, it wasn’t just his future at stake this time. In fact, it wasn’t his future at stake at all this time It was Thorin who was in danger. Thorin who had done more than he should to help Kili and his family. Thorin who had saved him from Northri, at least for a while. Thorin whom Kili loved more dearly than anyone. Kili couldn’t let anything happen to him, or his legacy. If Erebor knew the intimate details of Thorin and Kili’s relationship, Thorin wouldn’t be the only one affected, but his business, too. He had worked so hard to restore it after Kili’s mother disappearance. Kili couldn’t let it come to ruin again, this time because of him. Thorin had lost more than enough because of Kili’s family. It was time for Kili to do something for him.

“What do you want?” Kili asked lowly.

Northri barked a laugh. “You ask as if you have anything else to give, lad.” He looked at Kili smugly. “What do you have to give? What do I always want?”

It had been a long time, but Kili still remembered what Northri wanted. He walked slowly home, lips swollen, knees bruised, hair mussed up, but having secured Northri’s silence. No one would know—no one must ever know—even Thorin himself. The price of negligence and corruption was Kili’s to pay even if it sickened him to the core. A few times on his way, he had to pause to heave. His guts roiled dangerously. He felt ill, even though he was not. It had been a long time since he had had a strong reaction to sex. It had only been at the start of his forced occupation that he had been sickened by his doings. Now, it was as if he had returned to the past, once again untouched even though he was more marred than most dwarfs, and the thought of having to be broken once again made him surrender what little he had in his stomach to an abandoned hallway.

Bofur gave Kili a mildly disapproving look when he opened the door for Kili. Seated on the sofa behind him, Thorin frowned. Kili hoped he had tidied himself up well. It would not do if anyone suspected what he had been up to in the dark.

“I’m sorry! I met a friend on the way and forgot the time completely!” Kili lied with a false cheer.

“Oh. You should’ve invited your friend,” Thorin replied, frown dissipating. Quietly, Kili breathed a sigh of relief.

“You shouldn’t have waited for me,” Kili countered.

“I don’t mind waiting.” Thorin gestured to Bofur. “See if anything needs to be warmed up.”

“You really shouldn’t have waited,” Kili repeated when Bofur had gone away. “What if I couldn’t get myself home fast enough? The food would be wasted!” It had taken Kili a long time to persuade Northri to only use his mouth as a part of their agreement to not let anyone, including Thorin, knew about their arrangement. Even then, Northri had almost refused to let him go, delighted to have Kili once again on his knees and humiliated.

Thorin stood up and slowly approached him, and Kili couldn’t but compare how with Thorin this inspired contentment while with Northri, it had frightened him. “I am a creature of habit, and you have gotten me into a habit of dining with you,” Thorin explained lowly, a private smile on his face.

“Should I break it?” Kili joked. “I think I should, if it means you’d eat your dinner on time.”

Thorin huffed and shook his head. “I like this habit,” he said, before leaning down for a stolen kiss.

Kili almost allowed it. He craved it, the reassurance of Thorin’s enduring passion and ownership, the reminder of kindness and gentleness in the world. The love in Kili’s chest pulsed with yearning. His hands flexed on his sides, desperate to reach out and hold Thorin, love him in the only way he could. But, Kili remembered where he had been, what he had been doing and with whom. His stomach turned most unpleasantly as bile rose to his soiled mouth. Just before Thorin’s lips touched his, Kili turned his face away.

“Bifur must be just around the corner,” he warned Thorin. “Wait until tonight. If you still want me, that is.”

“Of course I will still,” Thorin said indulgently, drawing back. He didn’t make another move, but he ran his hand over Kili’s arm affectionately. “Tonight.”

“Tonight,” Kili echoed. Then, he smiled widely and loudly told a long and funny anecdote about one of his friends at work to distract Thorin from his uncharacteristic lateness. It worked, Thorin chuckling and shaking his head in amusement and it was like any other conversation they had, except it wasn’t. Kili didn’t try to steal touches like he usually did and he avoided looking into Thorin’s knowing eyes for too long. He felt awfully dirty and wished for nothing more than to scrub his skin clean off any trace of Northri as soon as possible. However, he fought to remain calm. He took deep breaths and kept his smile as wide as genuine as possible as he entertained Thorin to ignorance and laughter. There was no need for Thorin to know Kili’s distress and discomfort. Northri and the evils he brought were for Kili alone to deal with.

Chapter Text

Northri had been following Kili. Kili didn’t know how long he had done it without Kili noticing, but he showed a frightening familiarity with Kili’s routines. He always appeared near the store when Kili was taking a break and when Kili returned home for the evening, he would appear out of the shadows to force Kili to his knees. However, the worst thing was whenever Northri appeared when Thorin was visiting his store in Dale. Northri didn’t enter the store—Kili had made him promise not to—but he watched from outside, and Kili knew he didn’t miss it when Thorin’s approving pat lingered on Kili’s back. It took all of Kili’s self-restraint to not jump away, which would definitely rouse Thorin’s suspicion. Instead, he managed to merely step away and warn Thorin about not making his other employees think he had a favorite. Thorin complied each time, but always seemed to forget the warning on his next visit. Kili soon took to making sure he was in the workshop when Thorin visited, so that Northri wouldn’t see them from outside, however this was only a small reprieve.

Kili no longer feel safe. Everywhere he turned, Northri seemed to be lurking, watching Kili and waiting to take advantage. Kili’s route home became especially dangerous as Northri always appeared out of nowhere to drag Kili to the nearest corner to have his cruel ways with him. Once, Kili had tried to take a more crowded route, but Northri found him anyways, and the fear of being seen following Northri to privacy was stronger than the fear of being once again reduced to a harlot. Kili took the quieter route again afterwards. It was better to be abused at every turn than risk people knowing about him and Northri. There would be questions that Northi would only be delighter to answer. The thought of people knowing that Thorin regularly made use of his nephew chilled Kili to the bone. It was well within Thorin’s rights after buying Kili from his family, but their relation and the act of buying a person itself would ruin Thorin beyond repair. Kili couldn’t let that happen after Thorin gave him a respectable and comfortable life here in Erebor.

So, Kili complied with Northri’s demands, slinking into the shadows every afternoon to pay Northri for his silence. He had made Northri agree to only use his mouth, arguing that anything more would rouse Thorin’s suspicion and break their agreement as there was no way Thorin would let this situation continue. Though unhappy, Northri had agreed and made up for what he couldn’t do by using Kili harshly. He didn’t leave any bruise—that would also constitute breaking their agreement—but he often left Kili with swollen lips, wet face, and stinging scalp. Kili always made sure to clean himself thoroughly and waited a sufficient amount of time for the worst of the marks to go down, but still he was worried of being discovered. Thorin had keen eyes, and the time they had spent together at night had given him intimate knowledge of Kili’s reactions to passion. It would only take the smallest slip up to draw his suspicion, and maybe even anger.

How would Thorin feel to know his belonging was used by another? He wasn’t a greedy dwarf who hated to share anything with anyone. He also allowed Kili the freedom of having a life outside of pleasuring him. However, this was different. This was laying with someone when the contract Thorin and Vilir had agreed to give Thorin’s exclusive use of Kili. Thorin was kind, but generosity could only go so far. Kindness would only protect Kili to a point, and then there was the matter of Fili and his mother’s wellbeing. From their correspondence, Kili knew Fili tried to be independent from both Thorin and Vilir, but he hadn’t been entirely successful. Vilir took gold from wherever he could get it, including from his own son’s purse. This left Fili and Dis dependent on Thorin still, much to Fili’s displeasure. If Thorin withdrew his support for them, they would be subjected to Vilir’s worsening greed and this time there wouldn’t be Kili to take the brunt of it for them.

Kili had no choice but to keep silent. For his family’s sake, he couldn’t let Thorin—or anyone else—know about Northri. He would have to solve this problem himself, although he knew not how. The thought of submitting to Northri—perhaps even for the rest of his life—filled Kili with dread and disgust. This was worse than when he had been in Ered Luin. Kili had been not much more than a cheap whore then, servicing any who could pay his father’s debt. Now, in Erebor, he had tasted the honorable life of being a real employee, learning skills and having friends who liked and respected him. He had tasted the comfort of a life without dreading the next time he would be abused. He had loved, though he had no hope of it being reciprocated.

Kili felt ill whenever he thought of how he lay with Thorin only hours after kneeling for Northri. Thorin deserved so much better than him. He deserved someone who hadn’t been used roughly earlier in the evening. He deserved someone less ruined, someone more respectable than Kili. Kili wanted nothing more than to be that person for him, to lavish him with love, to admire and adore him, to give him everything that he could possibly want from a dwarf whose life and heart he owned. Kili wanted to make Thorin happy in any way he could. But, instead, he let Thorin have him after he was sullied by another dwarf. He kept quiet when he should have warned Thorin of the tainted goods he had in his house. He said nothing and let Thorin assume, showering him with attention and attention as he always did, as if Kili was still the same dwarf he had purchased.

Kili ought to warn him, but fear for both Thorin and his family kept his tongue tied, and his needs for a scrap of gentleness after being servicing Northri weakened any will he might have. Thorin’s kindness, the illusion of having his love, was the only comfort Kili could have. Thorin never treated him with anything less than tenderness—not even in Ered Luin when Kili had been sent by his father to loosen Thorin’s purse string with his body. He still treated Kili the same way now, when he all but owned Kili. He alone made Kili felt as if he was someone lovable and respectable, not just something to abuse. Indeed, each day it seemed that loving him was more and more of an inevitability, for how could anyone not completely adore such a good, honorable, and gentle dwarf? Yet, Kili repaid him with lies.

It was with guilt that Kili lay in Thorin’s arms at night. It was desperation that had him holding Thorin tight as he was gently taken apart and put together by Thorin’s knowing hands. It was helpless, hopeless love that imbued every kiss he shared with Thorin. It hurt to know that Kili couldn’t love Thorin properly in the only way he was allowed to. It tore his heart to not give the best of his broken self to the dwarf he loved. It ate at him, but ultimately, with the lives of his loved ones at stake, Kili was powerless but to keep silent, enveloped by Thorin’s protective arms and fearing what the next evening would bring.

“You’re still awake.”

Kili looked up from the letters he was reading, startled. “Is it that late already?” he asked. Thorin only visited Kili’s room when he was sure everyone else in the household was asleep, so it must have been a couple of hours since they had their customary conversation in the sitting room after dinner.

Thorin closed the door quietly behind him, looking at the letter in Kili’s hand. “Perhaps I came a little early. What are you reading?”

“Fili’s letter.”

“Is there anything wrong?” Thorin joined Kili in bed, unhesitant for how he did it nightly. His mere proximity comforted, his warmth beckoned. A part of Kili that always melted at the slightest attention from Thorin once again did so, surrendering completely to the impossible love he held close to his heart. Only concerns for his brother kept Kili from letting go of Fili’s letter, although he let himself leaned on Thorin’s side for the unflinching support he knew he would find there.

“Nothing,” Kili replied, frowning at the hastily scratched words before him. He had looked forward to his brother’s letter to hear how he was doing, as well as to ask about whether he knew anything about Northri leaving Ered Luin. However, the letter arrived carrying a different kind of problem, although not in writing. “It’s just that Fili has been slow to reply my letters lately.”

Thorin wrapped his arms around Kili, drawing him into a loose embrace. “Maybe he’s busy.”

“He’s never been too busy to reply to my letters before,” Kili argued. “But, I can tell that he wrote this in a hurry. His writing is usually much neater than this, and he missed so many things I asked about in my last letter to him.”

Thorin studied the letter. “Do you think something has happened to him or your mother?”

That was Kili’s greatest fear. Fili could be proud and stubborn sometimes. He didn’t like accepting help from Thorin, and he knew that if he told Kili about his troubles, Thorin would hear of it and offer help. While Fili seemed to at least have gotten over his strong loathing of Thorin, he was still reluctant to develop a proper relationship with him and he only took advantage of Thorin’s generous help grudgingly. Did those reluctance and grudge keep him from telling Kili any problem might have in Ered Luin so he could avoid involving Thorin? It wasn’t very likely because Fili, for all his pride and stubbornness, wasn’t selfish. He wasn’t the only dwarf who could be affected by any trouble in Ered Luin. Their mother was vulnerable, too, despite her recent effort to distance herself from her husband. Fili’s relationship with Dis had been strained, but he cared for his mother all the same. He wouldn’t hold onto his pride if it meant sacrificing her. He surely would tell Kili if not only him but Dis have any problem. Him never once indicating any problem meant that whatever had been keeping him busy wasn’t very serious. But, if it wasn’t serious, then why didn’t he tell Kili about it? What could he possibly not trust Kili with knowing? They always shared everything with each other.

Well, Kili though guiltily as he sought comfort in Thorin’s familiar embrace, almost everything. Kili still hadn’t found a way to tell Fili about his feelings for Thorin and his arrangement with Northri. Those two he kept to himself because he knew Fili would strongly disapprove of his feelings for Thorin and be very upset about his resumed abuse under Northri’s hand. Kili was the more reckless of them, but Fili was protective of Kili almost to a fault. Kili could easily imagine him going to Erebor to try and help Kili, which would only make things more complicated, to say nothing of how this would leave their mother to the mercy of their father. So, since Kili had secrets he kept from his brother, he supposed Fili might have some things he kept from Kili also. But, what was it?

“I hope not. He never mentions any problem in his letters.”

“Not even about your father?”

Kili shook his head. “No. He gambles and uses your gold as he pleases, but that’s nothing unusual. Fili knows how to handle that. There’s something else, I’m sure.”

Thorin hummed. “Perhaps he has found a lover.”

Kili couldn’t help but let out a burst of laughter. “Fili? A lover?”

“Why? He’s young, good looking, and hard working. I imagine many find his prospects appealing.” Thorin smiled, stroking Kili’s side absently.

“What kind of fool wants to marry into a family like mine?”

Kili shook his head, scoffing. His family situation was nothing to laugh about, but there was something funny about the thought of Fili being so besotted in someone that he forgot to reply Kili’s letters. Proud but ultimately responsible Fili would not push his family aside in favor of the possibility of building a new one with someone else. Now, to be fair, neither of Kili nor Fili had ever been in relationship before. The growth of their interest in romance coincided with the growth of their father’s interest in gambling. They had realized rather quickly that they could offer neither wealth nor honor to any potential spouse. Love and marriage had become nothing more than distant dreams since.

Although, distant didn’t mean impossible. Kili basked in Thorin’s attention, imagining himself Thorin’s lover. His was a hopeless love, but it was love nonetheless. It was unrequited, but at least he had Thorin to return to every evening and spent most nights kissed and embraced by Thorin. It was enough for Kili to know that whatever adversity he might face, he would still belonged to Thorin. He hoped that Fili would one day find someone to love and, better yet, someone who loved him back. He deserved that after all the hardship he had gone through. Although, this was very unlikely, considering their family’s reputation in Ered Luin.

Kili shook his head in amusement. “Our father’s habit is well-known in Ered Luin. No one will ally themselves with a gambler with a mountain of debts. I don’t think Fili is distracted by a lover.”

“Work, then,” Thorin surmised.

“He would tell me if it was work that kept him busy. He has talked about it before, when he first started working and struggled learning some skills.” Kili frowned at the letter again, remembering what had been bothering him before Thorin came. His jovial mood disappeared as he tried to read between the uneven lines Fili had written. He still didn’t find anything. Fili had a way with words. He knew how to get his point across without revealing anything, a necessary skill he developed to hide the true depth of their father’s depravity before the judgmental public. However, he had never censored himself with Kili before. He always spoke plainly and honestly. There was no such plainness and honesty this time. He treated Kili as if Kili was a stranger in front of whom he must conceal the truth of his family, and it hurt Kili as much as it worried him. “Something else is happening. He’s having some kind of trouble, I could tell,” he insisted.

“Whatever it is, perhaps he doesn’t want to worry you,” Thorin suggested. “Before your mother left Erebor, I kept some the truth of some of the problems our business was facing from her. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, and in hindsight, I probably should’ve told her to make her understand our situation better, but I didn’t want to worry her—she was happy and I could take care of the problems myself. I know your brother cares about you very much. I can see him not telling you about some of his troubles as to not bother you when he believes he can manage them himself.”

Kili mulled over this for a while, then reluctantly nodded. “Perhaps.” Knowing  Fili as well as he did, Kili was certain something important was happening in Ered Luin. But, maybe Thorin was right. Whatever was happening might be important, but Fili might believe that he couldn’t handle it himself without worrying Kili. This wasn’t entirely impossible as Fili still suspected Kili was suffering under Thorin’s ownership despite Kili repeatedly telling him otherwise. “I’ll tell him that he could tell me anything if he wants to—and if he thinks about hiding something important from me, I will go to Ered Luin to give him a piece of my mind!” He paused. “If you’d let me, that is,” he added, glancing at Thorin uncertainly.

Thorin made a small noise of amusement. “Why would I keep my sister-sons from each other? I’ve never met closer brothers than you and Fili. You may visit them whenever you want, although I admit I’m worried about your father taking advantage of your visit. I don’t want to see you abused anymore.” Thorin pried the letter from Kili’s hand and put it away. “Now, it’s a little late for reading letter and worrying about your brother.”

Kili bit back a sigh when Thorin rolled him onto his back. He spread his legs for Thorin to slip between them and kiss Kili deeply. His hand cupped Kili’s cheek and he caressed Kili’s side as if he hadn’t just had Kili last night or stolen a kiss before Kili left for work this morning. Insatiable, Kili thought fondly when he felt Thorin’s growing hardness pressed against him. How Thorin could still want Kili despite knowing Kili’s past, Kili didn’t know. He knew he wasn’t the first, the fifth, or even the tenth to lay with Kili. He knew the depraved acts Kili had mastered from others before him. He knew how ruined, how dishonorable, how dishonored Kili was. But, his hands still slid gently under Kili’s sleepwear. His fingers were careful when they teased Kili’s sensitive nipples. His lips were soft as he mouthed and nipped Kili’s neck without leaving any visible mark. Others treated Kili roughly, disgustedly, or cruelly, but Thorin treated Kili as if he was someone precious, not something ruined beyond repair or something to laughingly use for one’s own pleasure.

Kili turned his head to the side as Thorin teased him to hardness. He usually looked forward to this, to the illusion of being adored by the dwarf he loved. Indeed, his body didn’t hesitate to respond to Thorin’s familiar touch, his cock firming as Thorin stroked the length and caressed the sensitive tip. However, this time, Kili’s mind was not on how to make tonight worth Thorin’s generous payment or even on how he could steal hints of intimacy he could otherwise never get. Thorin’s offhanded mention of abuse reminded Kili of how only a few hours earlier he had demanded and then begged Northri to not make himself hard. Kili didn’t want to enjoy the abuse—and it was plainly abuse now without the monetary benefits Northri used to offer Kili’s family for his services—but Northri had only agreed to not leave any trace of himself on Kili for Thorin to find, and Thorin wouldn’t find anything from Kili releasing as he sucked Northri’s prick. When Thorin stroked his cock and rolled his stones, all Kili could think about was how Northri had jeered and mocked him for being so desperate just from sucking cock. When Thorin rocked his hardness against Kili’s, Kili recalled how Northri had pinned him against the wall, pressed his cock against the bared cleft of his buttocks, and threatened to fuck him. Then, when Thorin’s finger gently pressed against Kili’s furled entrance, Kili’s blood turned cold and his body seized as he remembered the pain of a dry finger roughly shoved into his tender hole.

“No!” he gasped sharply, arching away from Thorin’s questing finger.

Thorin’s eyes widened and he quickly pulled away, sitting up to keep from touching Kili at all. The sudden absence of his warmth brought Kili to his senses. He looked at Thorin in horror, realizing what he had just said. Quickly, he tried to pull Thorin back to him to salvage the massive damage he had done, but Thorin raised his hand, a rejection. Kili’s heart dropped to the pit of his twisted stomach when he saw Thorin’s stony face, completely absent of the warmth that had gentled his kisses and touches only a moment ago.

“Thorin, I’m sorry! I was just…”

But, Thorin shook his head. “You don’t have to explain. You don’t want me tonight. I understand that.”

“I want you!” Kili insisted. He tried to pull Thorin toward him again, but Thorin moved out of his reach this time.

“Kili,” he said sternly. “You’ve promised me to tell me when you don’t want me. Tell me the truth now. Do you want me tonight?”

Kili should lie. He had no rights to reject his master and he did want Thorin in more ways than he was allowed to have. However, he couldn’t deny that tonight Thorin’s touch had made his skin crawl. Although he knew it would be Thorin touching him and not Northri, although he had seen proof after proof that Thorin was kinder, and although he was absolutely certain that Thorin would never hurt or insult him, a part of Kili still recoiled at the prospect of being touched. Even his feelings for Thorin couldn’t prevent icy fear from through Kili’s veins when he thought of being taken. The feeling would pass, as Kili knew from past experiences, but at the moment, Kili didn’t want to be touched, not even by the dwarf he loved. This realization, more than the fear of upsetting the dwarf to whom his body and heart belonged, devastated Kili.

Kili bowed his head guiltily. “No,” he admitted. “It’s Fili’s letter. It has me worried,” he lied weakly.

“There’s no need to explain,” Thorin said again. He took a deep breath and patted Kili’s shoulder lightly as an uncle might do to his sister-son. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll return to my room, then.”

“Wait!” Kili grabbed Thorin’s wrist before he could pull his hand away. “I don’t mind you staying. I want you to stay.”

Thorin frowned. “You just said you don’t want me tonight.”

Kili shrugged awkwardly. “Well, no. But, I’d feel better with a company! Besides, didn’t you say you sleep better when you’re with me?”

“I did.” Thorin slowly pulled his hand back, still looking cautious but at least no longer in a rush to leave Kili’s bed. “Only if you’re sure.”

Kili nodded vigorously. “I am.”

They settled down awkwardly. Thorin usually liked to cuddle. He liked to wrap his arms around Kili as they fell asleep together. If Kili woke up in the early hours, he often found himself in Thorin’s embrace, Thorin’s arms keeping him close and warm, his breath lulling Kili back to sleep.  However, this time, Thorin kept his distance. There was an empty space between them that felt like a cold chasm and he looked at Kili warily as if he was a stranger rather than the sister-son he had shared a bed with most nights. This was similar to the first few months of Kili’s stay in Erebor, when Thorin had adamantly refused each and every one of Kili’s advance, only this time it was worse because Thorin’s rejection wasn’t caused by his misguided honor, but Kili’s inability to put aside the memory of Northri’s unwanted touches.

Guilt wound around Kili’s guts, tightened by frustration. Kili had sacrificed his freedom outside of Thorin’s home to Northri. He couldn’t let Northri take the precious hours he stole with Thorin. He certainly must not let Northri take what little Kili could give back to Thorin. Kili might never be Thorin’s lover, but he wanted to at least be a familiar company. He wanted Thorin to know he had Kili’s complete devotion and loyalty. He wanted Thorin to never doubt how thoroughly he owned Kili. However, Thorin was far too honorable to re-claim Kili after his unexpected rejection, meaning that the task of bridging the distance between them fell to Kili. Any other night, this was a task Kili would take eagerly, but tonight, he needed a moment to remind himself that he was safe from Northri at the moment and that he would always be safe in Thorin’s hand. Only after he remembered the pleasure of Thorin’s attention and tension bled out of his body did he dare to shift closer to Thorin.

“I would really like it if you hold me,” Kili proposed. “I think I’ll sleep better that way.”

Thorin studied him for a long moment, then slowly, carefully closed the distance between them. Knowing that Thorin was looking for the slightest hint that Kili didn’t want him, Kili forced himself to remain relaxed and even expectant. He didn’t think that he was a particularly good liar, but Thorin seemed to believe him and, after not perceiving any opposition on Kili’s part, drew Kili into his arms. Both of them sighed quietly, but Kili had a feeling they sighed for different reasons entirely. Briefly, he considered reaching down and restoring Thorin’s arousal to show him how much Kili wanted him. However, it would upset Thorin and after his failure to submit to Thorin, Kili didn’t want to also fail in telling Thorin truthfully when he didn’t want to Thorin’s attention. Disappointed in himself, Kili held Thorin tightly to be as close as possible to him. His heart clenched painfully when Thorin replied that with a weak squeeze.

“Wake me up before you leave. Perhaps my mind will be more at ease then.”

Thorin kissed his temple and squeezed him gently. “Perhaps.”

Thorin didn’t wake Kili.

It had been a mistake to turn Thorin down. While he claimed to not mind, he now asked for Kili’s permission to go to his room at night when in the past he knew he was always welcomed there. After all, why wouldn’t he be? He was the master of both Kili’s life and heart, a dwarf who had the rights and power to hurt Kili but chose to care for him instead. Kili considered himself very lucky that Thorin wanted him at all despite having innumerable reasons to cast Kili away. It mattered little that when Thorin kissed him tenderly and embraced him sweetly, Kili imagined him doing so with love instead of pity and lust. It didn’t matter at all that Kili would most likely (and hopefully) spend the rest of his life yearning. If he could have Thorin’s passion, he would never be unhappy.

But, Thorin remained hesitant. No matter how Kili told him that his unexpected rejection had been a result of temporary worry over his brother rather than permanent view on Thorin’s presence in his bed, Thorin still held himself back. He still asked Kili every evening before they retired to bed whether he would be allowed to visit him later. When he did come to Kili’s room, he lingered at the door and the foot of the bed, waiting for Kili’s invitation to join him. His touches and kisses were light compared with how they used to be. Now, Kili had to all but beg him to take him lest Thorin would carry on mouthing his neck and caressing him over his clothes.

Thorin still wanted him, which was a relief. However, Thorin felt Kili no longer wanted him, which was a problem. Although he had occasionally forgotten it, Kili didn’t lay with Thorin for himself, taking advantage of Thorin’s desire to feed his lonesome fantasies. He did it also—and chiefly—for his family whose survival was almost entirely dependent on Thorin. He highly doubted that Thorin would be so cruel as to withdraw support from his sister and nephew, but if he wouldn’t comfortably take advantage of the services he was promised in return of his gold, he might grow tired of helping Dis and Fili. Kili’s duty was to please Thorin so that he continued to support his family in Ered Luin, and now he feared he had badly displeased Thorin.

It was all Northri’s fault. Kili hadn’t dared to define his feelings for Northri so strongly before, fearing repercussions against his family, but as Thorin’s passion slipped out of his fingers, Kili couldn’t stop himself from naming his feelings about orthri even if he tried. He hated Norhtri. He absolutely despised him. He abhorred everything Northri had done to him and made him do. He loathed Northri’s smirking face, greedy hands, and awful tongue. He detested his proximity and wished nothing else but to keep away from him. Kili could not claim to be a perfectly good dwarf as Thorin was, but he certainly had no good thoughts for Northri. From the first day Kili had been sold by his father, Northri had been the chief cause of Kili’s misery. Kili might be inclined to put it behind him had Northri and his past stayed in Ered Luin, but now that Northri was in Erebor, indirectly creating a distance between Kili and Thorin, Kili struggled to look past his awfulness of his character, his selfishness and cruelty, his unfathomable obsession with ruining Kili’s life in any way he could.

This sentiment strengthened and strengthened as time went by and Thorin continued to hesitate to take what was his. Kili’s patience was quite exhausted by then. Submitting in secret to a dwarf he hated only to be denied the comfort of being held by the dwarf he loved drove him quite to the brink of madness. Kili had thought his recklessness had been tempered by his respectable employment and comfortable living situation, but he could feel it rising back to the surface. He became demanding in bed, something which Thorin fortunately tolerated very well, but even demands were soon not enough, the seconds it took for Thorin to agree to him seemingly stretching to intolerable length every time. Mad with desperation to feel Thorin’s passion again to both soothe his suffering and ensure his family’s survival, Kili decided to make Thorin take what was his. So, one night too many weeks after Kili’s unfortunate rejection, Kili all but dragged Thorin to his bed and straddle him. He had only just begun to rock his hips to coax Thorin to hardness when Thorin suddenly gripped his waist, stilling him. Kili looked at Thorin in surprise only to find Thorin looking at him somberly, not a trace of warmth on his face. Sat on Thorin’s lap, Kili gripped Thorin’s arms to keep him close. However, deep in his sinking heart, he knew that no matter how tightly he hung onto Thorin, Thorin was slipping away from him.

“I must go to Ered Mithrin in a couple of weeks,” Thorin finally said, confirming Kili’s fears.

“What for?” Kili asked, tightening his grip on Thorin’s arms. Thorin had never left Erebor since Kili came, spending his days running his businesses from his office or visiting his stores. The sudden deviation from the routine alarmed Kili. The timing, not so long after Kili’s accidental rejection, frightened him.

Thorin stroked Kili’s waist comfortingly. “I have matters to attend to. Work and family.”

“Family?”

“I want to see my cousin Dain—I believe I’ve told you about him. I have something of a business proposition to discuss with him.”

“The one with the famous forge? That’s quite different from what you have here,” Kili observed, not assured at all.

“Yes.” He paused. It was only for a short moment, but Kili knew him well enough to notice it and wondered what it might mean. “I want to ask him to consider some kind of partnership with me.”

“Can’t you do this through letters?” Kili pressed.

However, Thorin shook his head. “It has been a while since I was last in Ered Mithrin. I want to see myself what it’s like today, whether it’s the right place for what I have in mind or not. Besides, I know my cousin. Dain prefers speaking in person to dry, lengthy missives.”

There was something else, Kili knew it. Thorin looked to expand his impressive business, as Kili had seen himself on their trip to Laketown, but while he seemed open to diversify his trade to cater to many types of customers, he never showed indication in the types of goods a forge could produce. He provided luxury goods and while Kili was sure that Dain’s forge produced high quality goods, he had some doubt that they were the sort that Thorin usually sold. Furthermore, Thorin had never mentioned this plan to Kili before and he told Kili almost everything about his business when they had their customary talk after dinner. Although, Thorin had been more reserved then, too, clearly holding something back from Kili when in the past he would freely tell Kili about his worries and ideas. That Thorin’s reservation around Kili had spread outside of Kili’s bed didn’t make Kili feel better about Thorin’s sudden plan to travel.

Kili frowned as he tried to calm his frantic heart. Their trip to Laketown had taught Kili that being far from the privacy of Thorin’s house meant they couldn’t be with each other freely, but he felt very strongly that he mustn’t part from Thorin at the moment, when everything felt very precarious. Thorin couldn’t possibly abandon his business here in Erebor after the work he had put into it after its near collapse, but Kili still had his fears. Thorin wasn’t the sort of coward who avoided confrontations, but he was also impossibly kind. It wasn’t so far out of the realm of possibility that he would simply leave Kili for good rather than telling him to leave Thorin—he would never risk sending Kili back to his father. Only his family business kept Thorin tethered to Erebor and Kili didn’t know how badly his rejection had weakened that tether.

“I’ve never been to Ered Mithrin,” Kili tried hopefully.

Thorin smiled, amused yet distant. “You will see it one day, I promise—it’s not as far from Erebor as Ered Luin is—but I don’t want you to miss work and join me this time. I think it’s time for you to learn a greater responsibility. I want you to watch over my stores while I’m away.”

In other situations, Kili would be ecstatic to be entrusted with such a responsibility, but this time, he was disappointed. “Isn’t that Mr. Balin’s job? Besides, I haven’t worked for you for very long. Don’t you have more experienced employees to do it for you?”

“I do, but you are my sister-son.” Thorin squeezed Kili’s waist gently. “This is your legacy, too. I want you to be more involved in it than transporting goods to and from Erebor and keeping the workshops.”

When such honor was handed to him, how could Kili refuse? It wasn’t every day that a former whore was given the responsibility of supervising a successful business empire while its owner was away. Kili would be happy enough to do simple labors in the workshop, but now Thorin elevated him to a position beyond his wildest imagination. After all the troubles his family had caused Thorin—first by Dis, who nearly destroyed the family business by making Thorin search for her all over Middle Earth, then by Kili, who caused Thorin to pay exorbitant amount of gold to Vilir—Kili couldn’t let Thorin down. He couldn’t refuse Thorin’s order just because he wanted to ensure his place in Thorin’s life. Still, Kili couldn’t help but think what the point of honor was when he didn’t have his love near, when Thorin was slipping away from him.

“How long will you be gone?” Kili eventually asked.

Thorin pursed his lips. “I don’t know yet.”

“Thorin…” Kili began.

“I hope not for too long. It should be a fairly simple business, but unexpected issues do arise sometimes,” Thorin pacified him. “Think of it this way: you will have the freedom to do as you please while I’m away. Throw a party. Invite anyone you want.”

Kili frowned. “What will please me is going with you. I don’t care for parties. I’ll be waiting for you,” he announced.

Thorin’s eyes softened. He cupped Kili’s cheek and, for the first time in many weeks, initiated a kiss. Kili immediately melted into it, savoring the tenderness he had missed. Thorin hadn’t been less kind to him, but the distance Thorin had put between them was cold and harsh, hurting Kili in completely different ways from anything he had ever endured before. Kili leaned into the kiss, returning it with all the love he kept deep in his heart, the love he couldn’t say. When Thorin sighed his name quietly and rested their foreheads together, he almost believed Thorin felt the same way.

“You don’t have to,” Thorin said quietly.

“I want to,” Kili replied sincerely.

Thorin stared at him for a moment, then gently pulled Kili into another kiss. It started out as gentle as the previous one, but then deepened, Thorin cupping the back of Kili’s head to keep him in place as he devoured Kili’s mouth and stole his breath away. Kili kissed him back as best as he could, opening his mouth for Thorin’s questing tongue and licking back into the sweet warmth of Thorin’s own mouth. On Kili’s waist, Thorin’s other hand flexed, tightening and loosening as heat grew between them. Although he could feel Thorin’s cock hardening against him, Kili was prepared for Thorin to stop and hesitate as he had been doing for the past weeks. Kili was ready to demand Thorin to continue, determined to once and for all assure Thorin that his passion was very much wanted. He didn’t expect Thorin’s hand to lower from Kili’s hips to grip his bottom and squeezed.

Kili arched his back with a gasp, and was very surprised when Thorin used that opportunity to plunder his mouth hungrily. The hand on Kili’s bottom gentled, but remained there, heavy and warm and unexpectedly possessive as he kneaded the soft flesh. The returning confidence sent a bolt of lust and relief through Kili. He went willingly when Thorin directed him into rocking his hips, eagerly rubbing his hardening cock against Thorin’s. Their sleepwears were so thin that Kili could feel Thorin’s length thicken and twitch between them, the fabrics keeping them apart dampening as their cocks wept copiously underneath. Kili moaned hungrily into Thorin’s mouth as he rutted against Thorin’s equally demanding cock, Thorin’s squeezing hands on his bottom encouraging.

It was tempting to stay this way, just kissing and grinding against each other to completion. They had never done it before as Thorin generally preferred to touch Kili’s bare skin until he writhed pleadingly before taking his pleasure inside Kili’s body. And Kili liked that, too! He liked having Thorin’s heavy cock inside him, splitting him open and reaching into his core and finally coating his trembling insides, ensuring that come morning, Kili would still be able to feel him. There was something wildly arousing, however, in reaching their peaks with desperate thrusts over clothes, kissing and panting and groping, unwilling to part for even a moment to take their clothes off. Kili contemplated carrying on grinding his cock against Thorin—he didn’t think Thorin would mind seeing him jerking his hips uncontrollably on his lap as his clothed cock twitched and spilled—but a sudden sharp thrust by Thorin made him change his mind. Thorin’s grip on his bottom tightened. A finger strayed close to Kili’s prepared hole, reminding Kili of the overwhelming pleasure of being overfull with Thorin’s cock.

It wasn’t easy to slip a hand between their gyrating hips, but Kili managed it. He delved his hand into Thorin’s breeches and took hold of Thorin’s thick cock. It was already wet, the tip spilling generously just from grinding Kili through their clothes. Kili teased the weeping slit and was rewarded with more wetness and Thorin’s hand swiftly moving from the back of Kili’s head and into Kili’s breeches. Kili groaned when Thorin firmly stroked his cock from thick base to wet tip over and over again until Kili was genuinely worried that he would come before he had any part of Thorin inside him. With their proximity, it was inevitable that their cocks touched and every brush made them both moan and kiss more deeply than before. There was no finesse in their movements now, and even more so when Thorin finally cupped Kili’s bottom directly. The skin on skin contact made Kili’s cock twitch in Thorin’s hand, the sure slide of Thorin’s thick finger into Kili’s slick entrance made him arch his back. Kili pressed his lips on Thorin’s neck and lightly nipped the sensitive skin there as the digit pushed into him without difficulty.

Thorin knew Kili’s body so well. He knew where to touch to make Kili whine pleadingly. He knew when to tease a second finger over the stretched rim. He knew to soothe the sting of a stretch with quick strokes over Kili’s cock and a hot mouth on Kili’s neck. When the two fingers spread apart, Kili could almost come. His cock wept heavily in Thorin’s grasp and the firm slides of Thorin’s tight fist from tip to base coated Kili’s sensitive length with that wetness, making everything better and Kili ever closer to the edge. Kili’s only consolation was that Thorin was similarly affected. His weighty cock twitched and spilled steadily in Kili’s hand. If it was in Kili’s mouth, the tip licked and sucked to draw out more of his seed, Kili knew he would taste nothing but Thorin in no time at all. But, for now Kili must contend himself with the sound of Thorin’s groan when he introduced a third finger into Kili’s slick passage. The stretch caused him to gasp sharply and tighten his hand on Thorin’s cock. The three fingers stilled for a moment while Kili adjusted to the sensation of being stretched yet full, before moving in a familiar slow rhythm, one that had brought Kili bliss so many nights before and would surely bring him bliss again tonight.

“I want you inside me,” Kili gasped and pressed an open mouthed kiss to Thorin’s jaw.

Thorin groaned. “You’re not quite ready yet.”

“I’ve been ready for you all night,” Kili retorted. “Didn’t you notice it? How I’ve prepared myself for you?”

Thorin replied with a moan and a kiss. He buried his fingers deep inside Kili for one torturous moment before he pulled them out to allow Kili to remove his breeches. While Kili enjoyed the sight of Thorin’s furred torso and loved Thorin’s caresses, he didn’t presently have the patience to take off the remainder of their clothes. Quickly, he straddled Thorin and reached behind him to hold Thorin’s thick cock steady. His breath hitched when the flared tip kissed his stretched entrance, a promise and a warning of what was to come. Then, Kili held Thorin’s eyes and sank down onto Thorin’s cock a little too quickly.

There was a flash of pain as his body was suddenly made to give way to the girth, but it was quickly forgotten when Kili was fully seated on Thorin’s lap, Thorin’s cock deep inside him and Thorin’s fingers digging into his hips as he tried to keep Kili in place. Kili panted as his body adjusted to the sizable intrusion. Thorin was right—Kili wasn’t quite ready yet. His whole body quivered under the onslaught of pleasure and his hole clenched down on Thorin, torn between keeping him where he was and pushing him out. However, through it all, Kili’s cock remained erect, trapped between his stomach and Thorin’s, sullying Thorin’s nightshirt. Perhaps Kili ought to be worried about leaving such evidence, but he didn’t care. In fact, it spurred him on, and as soon as his body allowed him to, he lifted himself off Thorin’s cock and sank back down again.

It wasn’t the first time Kili rode Thorin. Thorin didn’t prefer this position, but he had had Kili bouncing on his cock on several occasions. So, it was somewhat of a novelty to set the pace of their coupling. Thorin’s hands were on Kili’s hips, squeezing tight and occasionally parting Kili’s cheeks as if he tried to get even deeper inside Kili even though Kili had taken him to the root. However, he didn’t try to control Kili’s eagerness. He let Kili slow down when his thighs began to burn, and speed up again when he had gathered his breath. It was clear that he was straining for a faster pace—Kili could feel it in the tense thighs under him—yet, although it would be easy for him to tip Kili over and have his way, he chose to do nothing beside staring at Kili and moaning his name. It wasn’t quite the same as what they usually did—Thorin wasn’t submitting himself to Kili, but rather indulging him. Still, Kili could see the appeal of being the one in control, taking his pleasure from Thorin however he wanted, choosing how close Thorin could get to release and whether he was allowed to tip over the edge.

A dazed smile spread over Kili’s lips when he slowed down to a stop as his thighs burnt in exertion, merely grinding down on Thorin’s straining cock, when he could tell from the noises Thorin let out and the aborted thrusts he made that Thorin was close. He let the moment passed before resuming his fast pace, swiftly bringing Thorin back to his peak. Below him, Thorin threw his head back with a groan. He met Kili halfway, bucking his hips up whenever Kili was sinking down, his wonderful cock striking all the spots that had Kili whining for more. Desperation was clearly slowly taking hold of Thorin, but he still made no demand save for his disappointed moan when Kili once again stopped out of exhaustion just as Thorin was about to spill. Kili could feel his cock twitching in his tight passage, but Thorin only buried his face in Kili’s shoulder, always unspeakably kind to Kili, always so indulgent and patient, always treated Kili as if Kili deserved him.

“Touch me,” Kili breathed. Whether it was a plea or an order, he didn’t know.

Thorin blinked at him, then grasped Kili’s slick length between them. He could use the opportunity to set a more satisfying pace for him, but he let Kili continued to set the pace instead. He pumped Kili’s weeping erection in time with Kili’s movements, slow to start, but growing faster until their bodies met with a wet smack. When Kili’s lips were within his reach, he kissed Kili and when Kili couldn’t hold his moans back, he swallowed them eagerly. With his free hand, Thorin caressed Kili’s back, grounding him when it was Thorin who had been repeatedly being denied his release. It wasn’t being in control that swiftly pushed Kili to the edge, his stones tightening under his straining cock, but the way Thorin touched Kili with the familiarity of a longtime lover. No. Not lover. Never lover. Master. Thorin was Kili’s master.

But, it was hard to remember that when Thorin once again cupped the back of Kili’s head to draw him into a kiss. It was hard to remind himself that Thorin didn’t actually love him when Thorin kissed him deeply while tugging on his aching prick. It was impossible to keep from moaning his love for Thorin when his hips finally stuttered and he spilled heavily all over Thorin’s hand and shirt. Kili had just enough presence of mind to bring Thorin to completion as well. He ground his hips to get Thorin as deeply as possible inside him, the twitching thickness inside his sensitive body prolonging his pleasure. It didn’t take long for Thorin to follow him over the edge. He wrapped an arm around Kili as his hips bucked up once and he came inside Kili’s contracting channel. Finally, Kili slowed down to a stop for the last time, enjoying the sensation of being once again marked and claimed inside. Still, nothing was more claiming that the way Thorin sighed his name before kissing him languid and gentle as they came down from the height of passion together.

They kissed for a long time until Thorin was too soft to remain inside Kili. They both sighed as Thorin pulled out. His seed began to trickle out and Kili really ought to clean himself up quickly before he left any embarrassing stain for Bofur to find in the morning. But, Thorin used his considerable strength to shift down so that he could properly lie down on the bed with Kili still on top of him. Kili should pull away, but when Thorin wrapped his strong arms around him and kissed his damp forehead, he found that he couldn’t move. He buried his face in the crook of Thorin’s neck, remembering the last time Thorin had left him and the agonizing months that followed it. How Kili had survived that time, Kili didn’t know, as his heart now ached at the thought of being away from Thorin for even a moment. But what was there for him to do? A slave could make no demand to his master.

“I’ll miss you,” Kili admitted quietly.

Thorin let out a shuddering breath, his arms tightening around Kili. “I’ll miss you, too, Kili.”

It was nice to think of that as a promise made by a departing lover, but that was not the case. Kili closed his eyes tightly, held Thorin back, and tried to savor their togetherness while he still could.