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Sweetheart,
I can't describe how happy I am to spend this Christmas together with you and Otava. You have made this the best year of my life. I was so sure that nothing could top the previous one, yet here we are. If I had written this letter last Christmas, it would have started with the same exact words. I would have written how forever thankful I am for your courage to ask me to be present for Otava's birth. I would have thanked you for introducing me to them and trusting me enough to let me in your life in such a vulnerable moment. I would have told you how incredible it feels to tell you I love you, and how unbelievably good it feels to hear you say it back to me.
Jere stood in front of the bedroom mirror inspecting his 32 weeks pregnant body with a thoughtful look.
"I'm getting fat", he noted to Bojan, who was buttoning his shirt on the other side of the bed.
"If you want to call it that", he smiled.
"No, I mean, not just the belly." He patted his buttocks and thighs that were usually visibly pure muscle, but had now gained a cute soft layer of filling.
"Isn't it quite normal?" Bojan asked.
"It is."
Bojan walked behind his partner and wrapped his arms around him. He was almost tall enough to rest his head over Jere's, as they mirrored themselves.
"I think you look absolutely delicious", he whispered. And he meant it: Jere looked good enough to eat in his petite yet luscious figure. A vision of grabbing those juicy hips and plump buttcheeks in a furious doggy style flashed before his eyes - Jere was and would always be sexy just for being himself, but Bojan definitely wouldn't mind if the baby weight was there to stay.
"Think about all those nutrients and energy you're storing in your body for our little one… besides (kiss) I think (kiss) you look (kiss) even more amazing now (kiss), if that's even possible", Bojan smooched Jere's neck and shoulders, eliciting a giggle out of his partner.
"Yeah, I agree", Jere purred. "I like how I look, too. Soft and safe." He looked himself in the eye with an affectionate gaze while caressing his body. The hormones had made his love overflowing, and that included loving himself too.
He was constantly holding and petting his full bump, not always even paying attention to it. Maybe it was because this pregnancy was a bit more difficult than the first one, with cramps and aches and his body just being overall more worn out due to the larger belly than with Otava. It all made him feel more wary and protective, and touching the baby through his skin soothed his mind and helped him bond with their little bunny. Every day that he managed to keep the baby safe inside him felt like putting money in a bank. So with that in mind gaining weight also comforted him, imagining the fat as an extra shielding layer around the fragile treasure.
I'm happy to tell you all those things now. And on the top of all that, I've now got the chance to share my life with you in Finland. You've been the best support I could have ever asked for moving to a new country. You have brought so many wonderful and loving people into my life, helped me in countless ways to settle here, and taught me your language so patiently (except let's never talk about that one postpositions-fight again). The best reward for all this are the evenings I get to watch you fall asleep next to me, and the mornings I look to my right and you are still there. Every day with you still feels like living with a best friend. Moving here hasn't been easy, but I would do all of it again and again if I could.
They cuddled looking at each other through the mirror. Bojan already had his shirt and trousers on, whereas Jere was still in his boxers and socks halfway getting dressed.
"Look at us", Jere giggled snuggling against Bojan. "How can we look so clueless and so adult at the same time."
"I was just thinking the same", Bojan laughed. "What a bunch of idiots. What are we even doing here?"
"I don't fucking know…going to a pre-Christmas party like some fancy people, la-di-da", Jere shook his head and lifted his pinkie mockingly. Mikke had invited them to an adults-only get-together at his house with loads of guests that Jere only knew a fraction of, not to mention Bojan. The party with good food and drinks had sounded like a fun idea anyway, so they had already managed to get Otava to Jere's mom for the evening.
I'm trying to write how thankful I am for you carrying our baby, but I'm falling out of words. It's everything. And like that wasn't already enough, you've been so fucking amazing with me facing all my anxieties and fears related to becoming a parent. I couldn't and wouldn't do this with anyone else but you. When I've seen you with Otava, I've seen the parent I want to be myself. If everything else would somehow fail, for this I'm forever thankful to you.
They stood silent, smiling for a while. Jere hissed as the baby knocked on the top of his belly. He hadn't even decided yet which shirt to put on, let alone pants, the thought of spending hours in straining clothes harrowing him. Bojan placed his warm hands on his bump to calm down the kicking.
"Hey… Let's not go", Jere suddenly said rascally. He turned to face Bojan, who looked at him confused.
"I don't wanna be fancy. Let's say that I didn't feel good, and then watch a movie or something", he grinned, cheekily biting on his nail. It wasn't even exactly a lie, since he usually did get mild but uncomfortable contractions especially towards evening. Bojan processed the proposition for a couple of seconds, after which an excited beam lit on his face.
"Yeah let's do that. Thank you, yes. Let's be fucking garbage", he chuckled. He immediately opened his belt and lowered his trousers with a demonstrative "ahhh" sound of relief.
"Will you write a message to them?"
"Yeah, I'll do it right now", Jere said. He grabbed his phone and tapped a quick message, a sorry frown on his face as if to help make the text more credible. Then he tossed the phone on the bed.
"Done! What do you want to do?"
Bojan had gotten rid of his shirt as well and pulled his dear sweatpants on.
"I still kind of want to go out for some fresh air. How would you feel if we walked to the supermarket and bought a shit-ton of snacks for the movie?"
"Yes!" Jere mewled giddily and clapped his hands.
Everything about you makes me love you more and more. The way you so naturally adapt and sort out the chaos and difficulties. Your uncontrollable giggle fits in most inappropriate situations. How you make up your terrible memory with impeccable improvisation skills. What you look like when you meet a dog. When you laugh at your own joke so that you struggle to tell it out loud. How angry you get about injustice. How hot and slutty yet so consensual you are in bed. That one Greek recipe that you ace and still get its name wrong every time. How incredibly kind you are towards others, whether they deserve it or not. How empathetic you are towards yourself, knowing it hasn't always been so.
They loaded the shopping basket with chips, chocolate, candy, french fries, nonalcoholic cider and ice cream. They didn't forget glögi either - Jere had also got Bojan hooked on the red Christmas drink. They took their time walking home, since Jere had a couple of cramps along the way and Bojan struggled a bit with a heavy grocery bag in both hands. The first layer of snow had taken the form of a wet gray slosh, and due to the polar night the sky was pitch dark already, despite it only being the late afternoon. Jere almost peed in his pants from laughing at the misery of the situation and the jokes they pulled out of it.
"I can unload the groceries and bring the tray if you pick us a movie", Bojan suggested as they got home.
"Okei!"
Jere padded into the living room that was just as messy as a lived-in home should be. He picked up stuff from the coffee table in order to clear space for the servings. Under a magazine he found a pen and a folded piece of paper. He opened the paper and glanced at the first few words on it. It was a love letter. He knew immediately he wasn't supposed to see it yet, a week until Christmas, but he couldn't stop himself from reading.
Jere, you've made me a much better person just by being yourself. And you have come so far yourself, and I'm so proud of you for all that. I love you and I'm so happy to do this thing with you. When I'm with you, I'm not afraid of this world anymore.
Hyvää joulua. Minä rakastan sinua.
"Aww babe, why are you crying?"