Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Wiggog Y'Wrath added Bliklotep, Nibblenephim, Pokotho, T'noy Karaxis, and Webby to a new chat. Wiggog Y’Wrath changed his nickname to Wiggly, changed Bliklotep’s nickname to Blinky, changed Nibblenephim’s nickname to Nibbly, changed Pokotho’s nickname to Pokey, and changed T’noy Karaxis’s nickname to Tinky.

Wiggly: Everyone add people you’ve been tormenting!!

Webby: I hate you guys.

Pokey added Ken Davidson, Charlotte Sweetly, Emma Perkins, Henry Hidgens, Paul Matthews, Nora, Dan Reynolds, and Donna Daggit. Tinky added Theodore Spankoffski, Peter Spankoffski, Stephanie Lauter, Richard Lipschitz, and Bailey. Blinky added William Woodward, Alice Woodward, Solomon Lauter, Grace Chastity, and Ruth Fleming. Nibbly added Zoey Chambers, Sam Sweetly, Linda Monroe, Gerald Monroe, and Maxwell Jägerman. Webby added Hannah Foster, Alexandra Foster, Miss Holloway, and Douglas Keane. Wiggly added Barry Swift, John Macnamara, Wilbur Cross, Tom Houston, Tim Houston, Ethan Green, Rebecca Barnes, and Gary Goldstein.

Theodore Spankoffski: How the fuck did you even get my number?

Tinky: Shhhhhhh…

All these people with full names changed their names to their recognizable names because I’m too lazy to do that and I just wanted to write all their full names hahaha.

Gary: higarygoldsteinattorneyatlaw do you have a minute to talk about our lord and savior wiggly?????

MIAH: I don’t have any minutes currently, but maybe if you were to tell me about yourself instead…

Ted: get a fucking room lovebirds

Pete: did you get broken up with again?

Ted: >:(

Pete: I see.

Nora: anyone want free coffee? we're having a sale here at beanies!

Paul: do I have to sing?

Zoey: HEYYYYY MISTER BUSINESSSSSS HOW DO YA DOOOOO

Emma: I hate my job.

Zoey: CANNNN WEEEE GETTTT A TRIPLE FOR YOUUUUUU

Emma: I’m like two seconds away from quitting btw

General MacNamara: That’s horrible! If you need a new job, however, I have just the thing for you! P.E.I.P.! (We call it PEIP!)

Steph: who is this guy and why does he text like an infomercial

Paul: OH MY GOD GENERALLLL!!!!!

Uncle Wiley: fuck you john

General MacNamara: WILL????

Uncle Wiley: I'd say in the flesh, but we're texting. (also I no longer have flesh)

Paul: haha what😃😃😃

Wiggly: things work differently here in the black and white. he didn't need it anymore.

Professor Hidgens: Good evening, what exactly is this shit? From, Prof. Hidgens.

Grace: LANGUAGE!!! YOU'RE GONNA GO TO HECK!!!!!!!!!

Emma: professor when did you even get a phone

Pokey: oh, I gave him one. it’s not possessed or anything, don’t worry 🙂

Miss Holloway: WAIT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

Duke: what’s wrong?

Miss Holloway: WILL?? AND THE LORDS????????? i hate this chat

Sam: hey bitches, any of y’all know anything about that missing person report?

Steph: the what 😃😃😃

Zoey: OMGGGGG HEY SEXYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Emma: WHAT 😭

Charlotte: Why is it that you’re texting here but won’t answer any of my texts?

Tom: wait who went missing what???????

Sam: idk some teen

Blinky: ah, I saw that 👀

Grace: OH SOMEONE MISSING THAT’S INTERESTING IN OTHER NEWS WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING TODAY

Sam: …looking for the missing person? what else would I do-

Pete: I’m just gonna stand here… waiting to get a drink… all day…

Emma: are you that snazzy ass kid over in the corner because due to beanie’s rule #1 (aka the inside joke rule) i legally can’t give you hot chocolate

Pete: what the fuck

Grace: WATCH YOUR HECKING MOUTH SPANKOFFSKI

Richie: uncle paul make your gf give my friend his hot chocolate

Emma: gf????

Paul: RICHARD.

Richie: 😃❤️

Paul: 😢❤️

Emma: did your nephew just ask me out for you ? nice. I accept.

Riche: my point still stands. give the poor man a drink.

Ted: SHUT THE FUCK UP LOVEBIRDS

Steph: 💀💀💀

Professor Hidgens: Hello, Stephanie, why have you died? From, Prof. Hidgens.

Pete: STEPHANIE 💀

Richie: STEPHANIE 🗣️🗣️💯💯🗣️🔥🗣️💯🗣️🔥🔥💯💯💯💯

Steph: snjfwaniubneibfgwuei

Bill: What do those emojis mean?

Charlotte: can you guys please calm down im trying to work

Pete: no

Richie: no

Steph: no

Charlotte: great thanks

Pete: hey guys ted told me we should be annolying and keep texting her

Richie: annolying

Ruth: annolying

Steph: annolying

Ted: annolying (also I did nothing of the sort!!!!)

Charlotte: looks like someone’s taking the breakup badly 💅

Dan: BREAKING NEWS: Ted and Charlotte broke up??????????

Donna: Shock. Betrayal. Tragedy.

Ted: GET OUT OF MY SEX LIFE GUYS

Tim: that makes it sound like you are grudgingly having sex with the news anchors

Tom: TIM😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Tim: what? I’m right.

Pete: as his brother i can confirm he probably has and if he hasn’t, he will

Donna: BREAKING NEWS: Guy wants to fuck news anchors who are lowkey into it!!!!

Dan: Lust. Revenge. Sex.
Steph: ABHDBSDBLA WHAT HELLO

Mayor Lauter: Stephanie, what did I say? You’re supposed to be studying.

Max: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

Richie: hey where the fuck have YOU been

Sam: wait isn’t that the missing teen

Grace: UHHHH NO UH UH NOPE

Max: yeah grace tried to like kidnap me or something idk but im currently just chilling

Pete: she did what 😭

Max: yeah im in the locker room

Richie: theres no school today how the fuck did you get it

Wiggly: idk i thought itd be funny so I phased him through the wall

Grace: GOD???????

Wiggly: Yes?

Steph: she just fainted guys

Gary: I don’t know why, I mean Wiggly IS our lord and savior after all-

Lex: shut the fuck up dude

Gary: I HAVE A DEGREE! YOU’RE A HIGHSCHOOL DROPOUT!! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!!!

Ethan: well he got you there

Lex: stfu babe <3

Hannah: ew guys smh

Linda: GERALD what is this!!

Gerald: LINDA idk either!!

Becky: Linda Monroe.

Linda: Rebecca Barnes.

Mr. Davidson: KEN DAVIDSON!

Paul: hey boss

Mr. Davidson: I miss my wife, Paul…

Paul: I know… please don’t go into detail, I get it…

Duke: Marriage troubles?

Paul: please, don’t let him talk about it. he will tell you about his sexual fantasies.

Tom: yeah, there are kids here😃

Tim: yeah I don't need to hear about that thanks

Chapter Text

Pokey: these are lame nicknames tbh

Pokey changed Paul's nickname to musicalguy.

musicalguy: but I don't like musicals

Richie: we know 😃❤️

musicalguy changed Pokey’s nickname to Blue Shit.

Blue Shit: i mean id prefer “goo” but whatever

Blinky changed their own nickname to I see 👀.

I see 👀: I’m watching you

Nibbly changed their own nickname to GIVEMEFOOD.

GIVEMEFOOD: IM HUNGRY

Tinky: ooh ooh I have one!!!!

Tinky changed Ted’s nickname to hornybastard.

hornybastard: i can’t even argue with that honestly

Pete 😭😭😭

Tinky changed their own nickname to timebastard.

timebastard: now we match!!!

hornybastard: :|

Zoey changed their own nickname to LATTEHOTTE.

LATTEHOTTE: 💅✨

Nora changed their own nickname to Beanie Herself.

Beanie Herself: all hail the owner of Beanie's, Beanie

Emma: see shit like this is why I want to quit

Hannah changed Webby’s nickname to Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: hannah. i love you. but what the fuck.

Hannah: it’s not like im wrong

Wiggly: real tbh

Lex: get away from my sister you overgrown shrimp

Spider-Man: HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAH

Spider-Man changed Wiggly’s nickname to OvergrownShrimp.

OvergrownShrimp: …fuck you.

Hannah: LMAO GET FUCKED

Lex: HANNAH!!! LANGUAGE!!!!!!!

Spider-Man changed Hannah’s nickname to Yellow Jacket.

Yellow Jacket: 🐝❤️

Lex changed Ethan’s nickname to Leather Jacket.

Leather Jacket: …really, Lex?

Leather Jacket changed Lex’s nickname to Denim Jacket.

Leather Jacket: you know what? now we’re a jacket family!

Denim Jacket: oh my god this is amazing

Donna changed Dan’s nickname to News Anchor #1. News Anchor #1 changed Donna’s nickname to News Anchor #2.

News Anchor #1: BREAKING NEWS: We have matching nicknames!!!

News Anchor #2: Wholesome. Heartwarming. Sweet.

musicalguy: that’s totally not going to get confusing.

Steph changed Mayor Lauter’s nickname to A+ Parenting.

A+ Parenting: Thank you, Stephanie.

Steph: you’re welcome 🙂

Richie: 💀

Ruth: ohhhhh i get it >:)

Max: WAIT I HAVE ONE

Max changed Grace’s nickname to Dirty Girl.

Dirty Girl: …

Dirty Girl changed her nickname to Dirty Girl Soup.

Steph: GRACE????????

Max: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

musicalguy: cereal is a soup and i will die on this hill

Blue Shit: that can be arranged, seeing as you are wrong.

Max changed their own nickname to God.

God: hello mortals

Richie: …really?

God: really. on your knees, bitch.

Ruth: kinky

Pete: OH MY GOD RUTH

Richie changed Ruth's nickname to KINKY😏.

KINKY😏: oh my god it's perfect

God: YOU CALLED????

Dirty Girl Soup: that's actually so disrespectful Max

God: who's Max? I am God.

Dirty Girl Soup: 😡

God: 😇

Steph changed Pete’s nickname to Steph’s Chocolate Bar.

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: awwwww

hornybastard: simp

Steph’s Chocolate Bar changed Steph’s nickname to Pete’s Hot Chocolate.

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: awwwww Pete

God: ew why must you do this in front of us

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: because we’re cute, Max

God: yeah right. you know what?

God changed Richie’s nickname to thebestnerd.

thebestnerd: ????

God: shhh im right

Blue Shit changed Professor Hidgens's nickname to workinboy.

workinboy: Good afternoon, what is a nickname and how did my username change? From, Prof. Hidgens.

Emma: don't even try to explain it to him guys

Blue Shit: I have imbued him with the knowledge.

workinboy changed Emma's nickname to lizard.

lizard: ???????????

workinboy: did I do it correctly from Prof. Hidgens.

musicalguy: what just happened

lizard: why am I lizard??????????

Workinboy: lizard 🦎 from Prof. Hidgens.

lizard: 😭😭😭😭

Charlotte changed their own nickname to SINGLE QUEEN 👑.

Sam: we’re literally married??

SINGLE QUEEN 👑 changed Sam’s nickname to cheaterrrrr.

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: NOT FOR LONG

Bill changed Mr. Davidson’s nickname to I’m-just-Ken.

I’m-just-Ken: i miss my wife

musicalguy: WE KNOW.

Duke: do you need any sort of help?

musicalguy changed Duke’s nickname to Resident Therapist.

Resident Therapist: what can I say? I’m here to help.

Resident Therapist changed Miss Holloway’s nickname to Darling.

Darling: awwwww you get free milkshakes for that

musicalguy changed Bill’s nickname to thenicecoworker.

thenicecoworker: thanks Paul :)))

musicalguy: no problem!

Alice changed their own nickname to notyourgirl.

thenicecoworker: good for you 😁

Tim changed Tom’s nickname to mistertreefighter.

mistertreefighter: what does that even mean Tim

Tim: you teach a shop class. where would you get the wood if not from fighting trees.

Becky: he’s got a point, Tom

I see 👀 changed Becky’s nickname to not-a-car.

not-a-car: what does this mean 😭

Tim changed their own nickname to Minecraft.

Minecraft: :)

not-a-car: no but seriously I know I'm not a car but why does it need to be specified

I see 👀: shhhhhhhhh

not-a-car changed Linda’s nickname to chronicallyonline

chronicallyonline: RUDE

Gerald changed chronicallyonline’s nickname to Honey Queen.

Honey Queen: awww thanks

Honey Queen changed Gerald’s nickname to Honey King.

not-a-car: i think i just threw up in my mouth

General MacNamara changed Uncle Wiley’s nickname to MERRYCHRISTMAS!.

MERRYCHRISTMAS!: are you fucking kidding me right now john

MERRYCHRISTMAS! changed their own nickname to #1drapplebeliever.

#1drapplebeliever: I wish to reunite with my love, Granny Smith.

Gary: THE MLP CHARACTER???

#1drapplebeliever: WTF NO?????????

General MacNamara changed their own nickname to General McIntosh.

General McIntosh: look, will, we match!

#1drapplebeliever: oh whoopee. >:(

MIAH: MCINTOSH FROM MLP???????????????????????

General McIntosh: no-

Gary changed MIAH’s nickname to McSpeed.

McSpeed: I’m in a hurry okay 😞

Gary changed their own nickname to Ace Attorney.

Ace Attorney: ✨👉✨

Minecraft: omg video game buddies!!!

Resident Therapist: god i have my work cut out for me don’t i

OvergrownShrimp: we can make your job harder if you want :)

Resident Therapist: :|

Chapter Text

News Anchor #1: BREAKING NEWS: @News Anchor #2 would you like to get dinner together tonight🥺🥺

notyourgirl: OH??????????????? TEA??????????????????????????????????

News Anchor #2: Shocking. Unbelievable. Accepted!

mistertreefighter: what did i just witness

Resident Therapist: awwwwwww

KINKY😏: I’M SO DONE WITH THIS EVEN THE FUCKING NEWS ANCHORS GET MORE BITCHES THAN ME

Honey King: @Honey Queen you wanna get dinner🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺?????

Honey Queen: we literally are getting dinner together right now Gerald

Ace Attorney: don’t forget about me im with you guys toooooo

Honey Queen: NO ONE FUCKING CARES GARY

Ace Attorney: :(

McSpeed: I care 😌

Honey Queen: yeah but like who even are you

Dirty Girl Soup: @News Anchor #1 @News Anchor #2 y’all better be married 🤗

LATTEHOTTE: okay but why are there couples gathering for dinner in Beanie’s we literally are a coffee shop pastries are the only food item we sell

Blue Shit: and blue shit

LATTEHOTTE: and blue shit too ig but that has no calories sooooo

lizard: plus the pastries suck. and the coffee. god, why does anyone come here

God: BECAUSE COFFEE 👍

lizard: …thanks god

God: no problem liz 🦎

lizard: are you fucking kidding me is this how ill be remembered forever

musicalguy: tell me about it

hornybastard: i personally have no problem with my nickname its very true

timebastard: get back in the box teddy bear

hornybastard: *hisses*

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: PLEASE TELL ME MY THIRTY SEVEN YEAR OLD BROTHER DID NOT JUST SAY “*HISSES*”

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: wait what box where is he

timebastard: he’s a bit busy right now :)

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: WHERE IS MY BROTHER.

OvergrownShrimp: Tinky, stop tormenting the humans.

timebastard: but it’s date night!! who better to spend it with than my Teddy Bear?

hornybastard: :|

thebestnerd: @God god, who even decided it was date night?

God: well i can tell you it wasn’t me bc i am currently lonely

thebestnerd: me too :\ maybe we should hang out

Dirty Girl Soup: MAX ILL MAKE YOU NOT LONELY

Dirty Girl Soup: oh no haha my friend stole my phone

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: Grace honey you don’t have friends

thebestnerd: i mean if you arent busy we could watch a movie or something

God: i don’t see why not be there in 20

I’m-just-Ken: I wish I could be doing stuff with my wife…

musicalguy: guys you set him off again :(

lizard: hey paul you should come to beanies with me

Beanie Herself: hey @lizard don’t even think about coming if it’s not to work

lizard: …hey paul you should come to starbucks with me

musicalguy: okay okay okay :)

Dirty Girl Soup: you guys are disgusting. this stuff is unacceptable before marriage.

thebestnerd: says the girl whose nickname is “dirty girl soup”

God: yeah grace tell me again what that means 😃

Dirty Girl Soup: I R R E L E V A N T .

Dirty Girl Soup: i don’t like hatchetfield i just walked into miss retros and miss retro herself was talking to some guy. its MISS retros not MRS retros

Darling: excuse me? he is a customer??? also did you not read the no hate/everyone is welcome signs on the door?

Ace Attorney: hey sir (gender neutral) do you want to sue that person????? I CAN HELP :D

Honey Queen: shut up and eat gary

Ace Attorney: but but but money

Darling: no, it’s fine, she’s just a kid. an uninformed kid that will probably be a piece of shit, but still.

Dirty Girl Soup: Miss, I am not comfortable with the language you are using to describe me.

News Anchor #2: BREAKING NEWS: we left you guys alone for only like ten minutes smh

News Anchor #1: Angst. Hostility. Disappointment.

Spider-Man: guys, let’s be nice, okay?

Dirty Girl Soup: you lost a customer, you pervy b-word

Darling: I- okay. fine. got it.

I see 👀: Miss H you look so tired

lizard: omg i see you paul hiiiii

musicalguy: @hornybastard why in the fuck are you sitting at the table next to us wearing a mustache over your mustache

hornybastard: SHHH PAUL IM UNDERCOVER

lizard: hey buddy if you’re trying to spy on us you’re looking the wrong way

musicalguy: WAIT. emma that’s his brother on the other side.

lizard: oh my god wait which one is he i need to @ him

hornybastard: NO EMMA PLEASE DON’T BLOW MY COVER

lizard: WHAT COVER YOU LITERALLY HAVE A FAKE MUSTACHE AND THATS IT

musicalguy: @Steph’s Chocolate Bar

hornybastard: NO PETEY I CAN EXPLAIN

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: THEODORE.

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: omg help Pete chased him out and he just came back in with a third mustache on😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

OvergrownShrimp: @timebastard come get your human

timebastard: teddy bear what are you doing💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: teddy. I am literally on a date.

hornybastard: EXACTLY! I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE OKAY AND YOUR DATE ISN’T A SERIAL KILLER

timebastard: @I see 👀 did you tell MY human about Melissa :(

I see 👀: p e r h a p s

thenicecoworker: wait what about melissa??????!!!!!

timebastard: well maybe i’ll tell your human then

I see 👀: NOOO NO BILL DOESN’T DESERVE THAT

thenicecoworker: should i be flattered im “your human”

hornybastard: absolutely not being their favorite is a bad thing

timebastard: you say that like you did not flirt with me all day today

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: TEDDY THATS AN ELDRITCH BEING HAVE SELF CONTROL

hornybastard: ok but it worked tho

musicalguy: i dont wanna think about the implications there…

lizard: well that's a first

General McIntosh: @#1drapplebeliever what are you doing today?

#1drapplebeliever: i am currently with my long lost love, granny smith. do not expect responses from me.

General McIntosh: oh well i’m with my husband rn :)

thenicecoworker: so i asked my daughter if we could do something together but she’s with her girlfriend and now i’m alone :(

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: wanna go get dinner and complain about exes?

thenicecoworker: YES OMG

cheaterrrrr: what do you mean ex we’re literally married??

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: a fate worse than death tbh 💅✨

cheaterrrrr: you dont like our marriage? that hurts myf eelings tbh

LATTEHOTTE: i can make your feelings feel better

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: see this is my point

Chapter Text

I see 👀: it’s time for the wholesomest holiday guys i love watching this one

News Anchor #2: BREAKING NEWS: What is eldritch being’s favorite holiday?

News Anchor #1: Confusion. Questions. Queries.

I see 👀: it’s thanksgiving it’s so cute i love watching family get togethers

GIVEMEFOOD: kinda wish we could do that

OvergrownShrimp: nuh uh get that wholesome good family relationship bullshit away from me

Blue Shit: REAL

Spider-Man: 🙄

GIVEMEFOOD: why cant we have nice things guys

Spider-Man: because our older brothers are annoying

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: who even has a good relationship with their family

Honey Queen: I do

Honey King: <3333

Honey Queen: yeah yeah love you too and i love our kids

Honey King: :DDDDDD

Honey Queen: 🙄don't make me take it back

GIVEMEFOOD: this holiday slaps though so much food food food food food food food food food

I see 👀: i think he’s broken

Resident Therapist: this holiday is a freaking rollercoaster for me

Darling: why?

Resident Therapist: well you see

Darling: yea with my eyes

Resident Therapist: since i am a social worker i work with families and certain families are always closer and happier on thanksgiving but some feel like they have to go do stuff with their families and it’s just like everything gets worse and it’s really annoying and bad and not healthy at all so i have to deal with that

Resident Therapist: oh haha 🙄

Darling: well maybe we need to get you your own slightly dysfunctional family get-together!

Resident Therapist: :|

Darling: We can invite @Denim Jacket @Yellow Jacket and @Leather Jacket

Denim Jacket: only if we bring @mistertreefighter @Minecraft @not-a-car and @Spider-Man as well

mistertreefighter: do we get a say

Leather Jacket: nope <3

not-a-car: oh come on tom it sounds fun!!!

Minecraft: okay but we should invite @lizard and @musicalguy too

Darling: okay fuck it everyone here come to miss retros we’re gonna have a fucking great time

hornybastard: sorry yall we have actual family plans 💅

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: yeah <3333

OvergrownShrimp: imagine lmao

Spider-Man: I DONT HAVE TO BC I HAVE A BETTER FAMILY NOW HAHAHA LOSER

OvergrownShrimp: smh were we not good enough for you

Spider-Man: yeah actually

timebastard: LMAOOOOOO also am i invited teddy bear

hornybastard: sorry its just a sibling thing

timebastard: 😭💔

hornybastard: sorry babeeee 🥺 ill make it up to you 😏

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: oh my god guys🙄🤮

notyourgirl: well we also have family specific plans sooo

thenicecoworker: ???

thenicecoworker: since when i thought u were bringing your gf

notyourgirl: she’s busy so we get to hang out :D

thenicecoworker: 🥹okay

lizard: wait back up back up tim you want to hang out with us?????

Minecraft: dude i love you guys what do you mean

lizard: hold on i have something in my eye

workinboy: Hello, tell me why my favorite student just screamed and then started sobbing violently during a dissection from Prof. Hidgens

Minecraft: LMAOOO WHY ARE YOU TEXTING DURING A DISSECTION

lizard: MEANIE he’s telling me off now :(

Minecraft: LMAOOOOOOO

mistertreefighter: tim 😭

Minecraft: :)

musicalguy: what are you guys dissecting?

lizard: its this fucking blue thing that looks like a brain

cheaterrrrr: why does that seem familiar

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: why do i feel happy

cheaterrrrr: omg lmao yall i just got the funniest song stuck in my head

cheaterrrrr: char its about you

Blue Shit: >:)

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: nope im good thanks i dont wanna know

cheaterrrrr: im tied up charlotte,,,,,,,,,,

cheaterrrrr: tied up with you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: what the fuck

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: please stop

cheaterrrrr: you understand me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: @Ace Attorney i wanna sue him please help

Ace Attorney: @cheaterrrrr higarygoldsteinattorneyatlaw are you awareeeeeeee that my client, charlotte sweetly, is uncomfortableeee?

cheaterrrrr: sowwy uwu

Ace Attorney: not dealing with this shit sorry man this is out of my hands

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: honestly i cant even be mad ill send you money for that

Ace Attorney: OMGGGG MONEY AAAAAAA THANK YOU ILYYYYY

Honey Queen: gary💀💀💀

Honey King: hey wait is gary short for garold

Ace Attorney: What the fuck did you just say to me.

Ace Attorney: Blocked.

Honey King: okay but im right

Honey Queen: boys boys youre both pretty shut up

Honey Queen: and so am i

Honey Queen: in fact im the prettiest here

Honey Queen: scratch that

Honey Queen: im the prettiest ever

Honey King: damn right you are im so lucky

Ace Attorney: eh i mean you are definitely pretty i mean this in a platonic way

hornybastard: ur fucking sexy linda

KINKY😏: REALLLL YOU ARE SEXY AF

#1drapplebeliever: yeah

LATTEHOTTE: idk guys i think shes ugly

Honey Queen: FUCK YOU

lizard: are you beefing with a teenager smh i thought you were better than this what abt inner beauty linda cmon

Beanie Herself: emma you literally have been beefing with zoey too

LATTEHOTTE: IM IN MY 20S???????

lizard: barely 🙄 & u dont act like it

LATTEHOTTE: hate crime.

thebestnerd: speaking of hate crimes

thebestnerd: @musicalguy @Ace Attorney @mistertreefighter hey family members i remember off the top of my head whose event do i crash today

thebestnerd: because im just assuming yall abandoned me

Ace Attorney: nah another of your uncles was supposed to get custody today

musicalguy: he means we were told someone would hang out with you

thebestnerd: if you mean uncle jerry i will cry actually

mistertreefighter: no no its the cop one

cheaterrrrr: ME???? I HAVE A NEPHEW?????????????

musicalguy: fuck no its officer bailey

Cheaterrrrr: oh not that guy i cant stand him

Ace Attorney: good thing youre not in the family now go away

thebestnerd: OMGGGG NO STOP YOURE NOT SERIOUS I LOVE UNCLE BAILEY

musicalguy: yeah we’re serious :)

lizard: paul that looks so passive aggressive

thebestnerd: oh this is gonna be the best day ever

OvergrownShrimp: speak for yourself kid im bored

I see 👀: yeah bc you refused to do stuff with us

Spider-Man: yeah

GIVEMEFOOD: yeah :(

Blue Shit: imagine being bored or lonely im over here watching musicals lmaooo

OvergrownShrimp: god i cant wait for tomorrow

God: why whats tomorrow

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: omniscient my ass

God: stfu nerd

Chapter Text

OvergrownShrimp: it is time…

GIVEMEFOOD: for LUNCH

OvergrownShrimp: NO, DUMBASS!!

OvergrownShrimp: I mean

OvergrownShrimp: nope guess again 😁

Spider-Man: hey wig wtf

OvergrownShrimp: DONT CALL ME THAT PLEASE IT SOUNDS SO DUMB

Spider-Man: yeah yeah whatever wig

OvergrownShrimp: ANYWAY it’s time for the greatest holiday of the year

thenicecoworker: thanksgiving?

OvergrownShrimp: NO!! God, you humans are dumb! THAT WAS YESTERDAY.

God: :(

God: >:(

LATTEHOTTE: well we have a discount on coffee today is it like coffee day

OvergrownShrimp: IT’S BLACK FRIDAY FUCKING MORONS

mistertreefighter: oh i love that one

Blue Shit: I AM NOT. A MORON!!!!!!!

Denim Jacket: no bc why did i just feel dread

Yellow Jacket: @Leather Jacket ARE YOU OKAY I FEEL LIKE YOU AREN’T

Leather Jacket: I’m fine I’m fine don’t worry

#1drapplebeliever: MMMMM TASTY CAPITALISM WHO WANTS TO BUY A LITTLE DOLL FOR $49.95 THEY COME IN FIVE SCRUMPTIOUS FLAVORS

GIVEMEFOOD: WAIT WHAT FLAVORS I WANNA TRY

I see 👀: Why would you say flavors that’s horrible

Spider-Man: the green one is bitch flavored

OvergrownShrimp: I SWEAR TO GOD-

God: yes?

OvergrownShrimp: …fuck you all why did I make this chat

KINKY😏: PLEASE DO

OvergrownShrimp left the group chat.

Spider-Man: oh no you don’t

Spider-Man added OvergrownShrimp to the group chat.

Spider-Man: you made this chat, you deal with the consequences

#1drapplebeliever: plus, it’s our special day!!!!

Dirty Girl Soup: is it your anniversary?

I see 👀: hey gracie they’re both men btw

Dirty Girl Soup: HUH

#1drapplebeliever: TRAITOR?????

Dirty Girl Soup: THAT’S A SIN IT SHOULDNT BE LEGAL

Blue Shit: YALL THEY ARENT EVEN DATING???

#1drapplebeliever: we could be,,,,,,,,

OvergrownShrimp: :|

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: we should make this happen guys itd be funny

Denim Jacket: you’re so right dude

mistertreefighter: i feel like putting those two on a gc together was a horrible idea

OvergrownShrimp: WHY ARE THESE MORTALS TRYING TO SET ME UP

#1drapplebeliever: well maybe it’s meant to be yknow

OvergrownShrimp: OH MY GOD NO DIE

timebastard: and you say i have bad taste

OvergrownShrimp: WHY IS EVERYONE OUT TO GET ME TODAY I FEEL ATTACKED

Spider-Man: maybe be nicer<3

Denim Jacket: yeah it’s bc you suck

mistertreefighter: @OvergrownShrimp no one likes you

Dirty Girl Soup: guys let’s keep the hate out of this chat okay

God: nope not happening

Minecraft: we love hate here

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: bro i leave for ONE SECOND what is happening here

timebastard: PETE!!!! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: oh fuck no

timebastard: hey bestie my absolute dude ilysm where’s your brother?

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: he’s busy…

timebastard: with what?? Maybe i can help!!!!!!!!! :)

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: he’s uhhhh doing things

timebastard: @hornybastard i wish i was things 😉

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: WTFFFF EW

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: hey pete come over to my house ill protect you I HAVE A GUN >:)

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: wow okay 😳 be right there

thebestnerd: simps 🙄

timebastard: what if we did a double date 🥺 you and her + me and teddy bear 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: i will absolutely not go on a date if my brother will be there

hornybastard: petey thats homophobic

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: IM LITERALLY BI AND TRANS STFU TEDDY

hornybastard: yeah but im bi too and ur not approving my lifestyle 😞

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: UAFHEIFBEIBFEHBDFHEBFH

timebastard: @hornybastard hiiii teddy bear <333333333333333333333333333333

Dirty Girl Soup: i hope you all know you will burn in heck for this

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: maybe the real eternal torment is the friends we made along the way

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: especially grace

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: especially grace

thebestnerd: especially grace

God: especially grace

KINKY😏: guys stop being mean to her she didnt do anything

Dirty Girl Soup: aww thanks ruth

KINKY😏: no problem 😳

KINKY😏: WRONG EMOJI HAHAHAHHA I MEANT 😁

thebestnerd: yeah totally

KINKY😏: STFU LIKE YOURE NOT SIMPING FOR MAAJFNHJWSJUFRHWIUWS

KINKY😏: hello this is richie ruth is currently incapacitated

thebestnerd: HOW DARE YOU RICHIE

thebestnerd: actually this is a great opportunity

thebestnerd: HI IM RICHARD LIPSCHITZ

KINKY😏: bullshit but ok

thebestnerd: AND

KINKY😏: wait what are you doing ruth stop cackling im worried

thebestnerd: @God i got something to say to you

KINKY😏: RUTH NO

thebestnerd: @God guess what

KINKY😏: FINE ILL DO IT YOUR WAY @Dirty Girl Soup IM RUTH AND I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU

Dirty Girl Soup: yes?

thebestnerd: NOOOO RICHIE DONT OR I WILL TELL @God

God: what is happening here who summoned me

KINKY😏: NOTHING MAX GO AWAY AGAIN

God: why are you so worried ruth

KINKY😏: IM NOT RUTH IM RICHIE RUTH TOOK MY PHONE

God: ah that explains the fear

KINKY😏: fuck you max

thebestnerd: yeahj yhoi wankt topkegreguihreiflrnengre

God: wait what does that say

thebestnerd: hey guys its richie again sorry for the inconvenience

OvergrownShrimp: what happened to my special day smh

timebastard: no one gives a FUCK wiggly

hornybastard: well i could give one to anyone in need

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: thats disgusting dude

timebastard: @hornybastard 🥺

OvergrownShrimp: nuh uh not on my chat

Spider-Man: for once i agree

Dirty Girl Soup: yall are both men and arent even married 🤢

Minecraft: bro i am a child ew

Yellow Jacket: SAME BRO LITERALLY STOP

hornybastard: cowards

timebastard: we would just be too powerful together smh

Dirty Girl Soup: theyre so gross guys we should kick them

hornybastard: i love how you said no hate and are being homophobic 😞

Dirty Girl Soup: im not homophobic im just right

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: OOOH ROASTED TEDDY LMAOOOOOO

hornybastard: youre such a horrible brother smh

timebastard: what if teddy bear mysteriously went missing huh what then

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: what…

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: guys stop pete looks really sad

timebastard: we should give them dreams of other timelines wiggly

OvergrownShrimp: alright yall get free trauma this black friday dont fall asleep :D

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: what the fuck

Chapter Text

musicalguy: WHAT THE FUCK.

notyourgirl: I SECOND THAT?????

News Anchor #1: BREAKING NEWS: I HAD A NIGHTMARE :((((

News Anchor #2: Horrible. Scary. Same.

God: hey guys it’s cold out today just thought you should know! :)

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: oh my god it’s like 2am max why are you outside

thebestnerd: HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A COAT??? what is WRONG max

thebestnerd: he’s not even wearing the letterman

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: wait back up how do you know this

thebestnerd: wait i have to go

KINKY😏: oh my god is he at your house?????

KINKY😏: omg richie richie come back i NEED TO KNOW

KINKY😏: guys do you think theyre fucking

OvergrownShrimp: did you guys enjoy your trauma time?

Spider-Man: WIGGOG FUCKING Y’WRATH.

Spider-Man: CARE TO TELL ME WHY MY HUMANS ALL WOKE UP SCREAMING AND ARE NOW CRYING????????

OvergrownShrimp: 😁

Spider-Man: oh my fucking god

KINKY😏: RICHIE IS

Spider-Man: huh

KINKY😏: RICHIE IS FUCKING GOD

Steph's Chocolate Bar: ruth please control yourself we don't know that for sure

lizard: sooooooo ummmmm paul……

musicalguy: emma?

lizard: do you want to talk about those dreams? Assuming you had them too?

musicalguy: no, im good 😃

thebestnerd: simp

KINKY😏: OMG RICHIE HOW WAS ITTTT😏😏😏😏😏

thebestnerd: ????

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: just backread dont encourage her

thebestnerd: ok

thebestnerd: RUTH.

thebestnerd: NO.

KINKY😏: TELL ME EVERYTHING

thebestnerd: RUTH WE DIDNT

God: richie just turned on his phone and went bright red what is going on

God: he is now hiding his face and insisting i should not scroll up so naturally i will

God: OH.

God: UM.

God: dirty dirty boy wont you sing for me ig

thebestnerd: WHAT THE FUCK

OvergrownShrimp: pokey what did you do he shouldnt know that song

Blue Shit: your honor in my defense it was funny

Dirty Girl Soup: objection????????

OvergrownShrimp: overruled pokeys defense was actually great

Dirty Girl Soup: you dont understand i genuinely cant face anyone again after that dream I AM A CRIMINAL I NEED TO GO PRAY

thebestnerd: CAN WE GO BACK TO WHAT MAX SAID WHAT WAS THAT

God: it was a song i sang for grace in her sexual fantasy of me apparently

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: OH???????????? GRACIE WHAT

Dirty Girl Soup: DONTTTT CALL ME THAT

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: YOU CALL ME STEPHIE IM ALLOWED TO CALL YOU GRACIE

Dirty Girl Soup: THATS WHAT MY MOM CALLS MEEEEEEEEE

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: i am your mom tho

Dirty Girl Soup: WHY IS THE CHURCH LOCKED

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: bc the people who work there need to sleep its the middle of the night

OvergrownShrimp: pray to us instead cmon say it with us

Blue Shit: pokotho,,,,,,,,,,,,

I see 👀: bliklotep,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

timebastard: t’noy karaxis,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

GIVEMEFOOD: nibblenephim,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

OvergrownShrimp: wiggog y’wrath,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider-Man: and webby

Blue Shit: the schuyler sisters

OvergrownShrimp: otho wtf

Blue Shit: sToP cAlLiNg Me ThAt It WaS oNe UnIvErSe

GIVEMEFOOD: yall remember him going ITS NOT A PHASE WIGGLY and putting on all that eyeliner like the makeup circles were bigger than his actual eyes

Blue Shit: AHGFGEYUFEYUFE SHUT UP

KINKY😏: okay but no one has argued with me so im just saying richiexgod canon

KINKY😏: he’s really got the power of god and anime on his side

thebestnerd: HELLO?????

thebestnerd: I LITERALLY SAID WE DIDNT

KINKY😏: did anyone else hear something?

thebestnerd: we’re fucking texting ruth

God: OH MY GOD WE DIDNT FUCK YOU NERD

God: if you really need to know i had a nightmare i killed him and my dad got mad at me for crying and so i left but didnt know where else to go

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: im really lucky that i have my brother here

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: speaking of which @hornybastard where are you

hornybastard: wouldnt you like to know petey

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: nvm i can hear you crying

hornybastard: okay rude?? you didnt need to expose me there?????? wtf???????????

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: hey guys im going to surprise attack him

hornybastard: WHAR?

hornybastard: *WHAT?

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: one eye open teddy one eye open

hornybastard: PETEY WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BEING CREEPY WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

hornybastard: oh fuck you petey

hornybastard: his “surprise attack” was a hug 🙄

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: lmfaoooo he jumped like 2 feet

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: he was actually tall for once

hornybastard: UNCALLED FOR?????

Steph's Chocolate Bar: ❤️❤️❤️

hornybastard: >:( 💔💔💔

Steph's Chocolate Bar: >:O 

hornybastard: …❤️‍❤️‍❤️‍

Steph's Chocolate Bar: yay!

hornybastard: 🙄

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: omg teddy stop crying already

timebastard: aww teddy bear why are you crying

timebastard: do you want me to come over??

hornybastard: you.

hornybastard: YOU.

hornybastard: FUCK YOU HOW COULD YOU DO THIS

timebastard: wait slow down teddy bear whats wrong

hornybastard: YOU FUCKING

hornybastard: YOU JUST WANT ME FOR YOUR FUCKING BOX

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: he has really vivid dreams so it might be that idk

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: teddy wdym what box

timebastard: teddy bear…

hornybastard: DONT CALL ME THAT.

timebastard: but

hornybastard: SHUT UP I WONT LISTEN TO YOU

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: WHAT IS GOING ON

timebastard: BUT

hornybastard: You know what, Tinky? I'm done.

timebastard: teddy bear no let me explain!!!!!

hornybastard: no fuck you we’re fucking done

timebastard: AT FIRST I WANTED YOU FOR THE BOX YEAH BUT

timebastard: I LOVE YOU TEDDY I REALLY DO

hornybastard: lies but okay, asshole.

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WTF IS GOING ON

timebastard: BUT TEDDY BEAR

hornybastard: don’t. call. me. that.

timebastard: :((

OvergrownShrimp: didnt expect to make my little bro cry this trauma time but im not complaining

Chapter Text

not-a-car: can we please have a conversation about what we saw
not-a-car: because tom
not-a-car: why the fuck was your dead wife a car
not-a-car: and why do i feel like that’s why i got this nickname
I see 👀: yeah that’s correct
mistertreefighter: YOU HAD THAT DREAM TOO???? SHE KILLED YOU D:
Minecraft: yeah i saw that too it was creepy
God: if we’re all sharing these dreams I wanna say I’m sorry for the nightmares
God: WAIT FUCK
God: RICHIE IM SO SORRY I TOTALLY JUST
God: YOU
God: YOU MUST'VE SEEN ME
God: …DO THAT TO YOU
God: AND YOU WOKE UP TO ME TRYING TO GET INTO YOUR HOUSE
God: i am so sorry i am so incredibly sorry
KINKY😏: do what to him 😏
God: RUTH I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU IN THIS UNIVERSE TOO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Dirty Girl Soup: MAXWELL JÄGERMAN SHE IS CRYING WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM
God: wait why do you know this
Dirty Girl Soup: im with her rn ofc
thebestnerd: OH??? RUTH??????
Dirty Girl Soup: apologize.
God: fine shit i'm sorry
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: wow max that’s new!!!
God: shut ursdxsgswefw
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: ?????
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: where did he go
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: @God
Dirty Girl Soup: I bet ruth was right 🙄
musicalguy: god these kids are loud
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: ??????? HELP????????????
KINKY😏: HEY HEY HEY WHAT EXACTLY ARE THEY DOING
musicalguy: im gonna tell them to shut up
KINKY😏: OH??
musicalguy: success
thebestnerd: EHJBFESIHDBUIESB THAT WAS A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE
God: LMFAOOOO
thebestnerd: DON’T YOU FUCKING LAUGH
Leather Jacket: hey that’s my line
Steph’s Chocolate Bar: what happened???????
God: can i tell them please can i please tell them
thebestnerd: sure
God: HE KISSED MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
KINKY😏: OMGGG RICHIE IM SO PROUD OF YOU
Steph’s Chocolate Bar: dude?????? slay????????????
Dirty Girl Soup: that’s… nice…
workinboy: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
Blue Shit: >:)
lizard: uhhh professor are you okay you’re not signing your texts
workinboy: I CANNOT BE FORMAL UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES
lizard: what happened??
workinboy: SO I SAW A BUNCH OF UNIVERSES AND STUFF AND ALSO KEPT FUCKING RELIVING GREG AND STEVE AND STU AND MARK AND LEIGHTON AND CHAD FUCKING DYING
lizard: oh wait i remember those guys
hornybastard: HEYYYY HIDGE can i just say workin boys FUCKING slaps
workinboy: Oh
workinboy: Uh
workinboy: You
workinboy: Hi
lizard: ???????????????
workinboy: thank you theodore 👍
News Anchor #2: @News Anchor #1 BREAKING NEWS: WHAT THE HELL
News Anchor #1: Shock. Confusion. Questions.
News Anchor #2: BREAKING NEWS: THIS MAN WAS WAYYYY TOO QUICK TO PUT BLAME ON ME
News Anchor #1: Answers. Realizations. Apologies.
News Anchor #2: BREAKING NEWS: THATS NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH DAN
News Anchor #1: :(. :(. :(.
notyourgirl: @thenicecoworker hey dad let’s not go to that one amusement park please
thenicecoworker: that’s a really good idea
thenicecoworker: im sorry how bad that day must have been for you :(
notyourgirl: DONT APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ATTACKED YOU
notyourgirl: i should be the one apologizing
notyourgirl: I’m sorry and I love you Dad
thenicecoworker: I love you too <3
Honey Queen: oh. how nice. a functional family.
Honey Queen: @Honey King DID YOU FUCKING DIE.
Honey King: SO DID YOU :(((
Honey Queen: WELL THEN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE KIDS
Honey King: I DON’T KNOW
Honey King: I’m checking on them now btw
Honey King: okay they’re fine everything is fine
Honey Queen: THANK GOD
Honey Queen: i mean
Honey Queen: i don’t care, why would i care
SINGLE QUEEN 👑: yall why does my husband cheat on me in every universe
SINGLE QUEEN 👑: isn’t that just the shittiest luck ever
cheaterrrrr: im not cheating on you?
SINGLE QUEEN 👑: literally shut the fuck up and sign the divorce papers or i am going to strangle you and steal your gun and shoot your little girlfriend, plus i will report you to your boss and get you fired even if i have to lie cheat steal and kill to do it.
cheaterrrrr: …
cheaterrrrr: yes maam
SINGLE QUEEN 👑: good :)
lizard: that was fucking iconic im so proud of you
OvergrownShrimp: oh fuck yeah get his ass queen
General McIntosh: You are very brave. We could use people like you in PEIP.
#1drapplebeliever: Or in the black and white
OvergrownShrimp: yeah or in the black and white
I’m-just-Ken: she’s my employee
I’m-just-Ken: back off
SINGLE QUEEN 👑: i could work multiple jobs
lizard: DONT OVERWORK YOURSELF
musicalguy: in this economy
musicalguy: im surprised we dont all have multiple jobs
musicalguy: especially you baristas
Beanie Herself: well i own the place
LATTEHOTTE: i get tips
LATTEHOTTE: like a lot of tips
LATTEHOTTE: like a LOT of tips
LATTEHOTTE: it’s because im hot
lizard: yeah keep telling yourself that honey
lizard: MOVING ON
lizard: i have no idea how i only have one job tbh
lizard: im a single woman in my thirties working at a coffee shop
musicalguy: if it’s ever not enough i can help :)
musicalguy: im a white man in my thirties who works at an office so…
A+ Parenting: Why is everyone awake?
A+ Parenting: Why is everyone texting?
OvergrownShrimp: i thought i gave everyone nightmares?
A+ Parenting: What’s a nightmare?
OvergrownShrimp: …how.
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: oh he’s not haunted by any of his actions
Pete’s Hot Chocolate: that makes a lot of sense actually
OvergrownShrimp: well. that’s… scary.

Chapter Text

Richie screamed and screamed for help, running through the halls. Nobody heard him. When he was eventually cornered, he fell to the ground and curled up into himself, waiting for the final blow. All he could feel was pain. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe, so he waited. When the end finally came, Richie woke up to the sound of someone tapping on the glass of his window. He sat up, trying to see who it was. It was really dark outside, being the middle of the night, but his eyes adjusted and he learned who it was.

Max Jägerman.

Richie’s eyes went wide. He began breathing heavily, feeling his pulse speed up.

Wasn’t this the guy who had killed him?

Max’s voice, muffled through the window, cut through the silence and snapped him back into reality. “Richie… can I please come in? I don’t know where else to go…”

He saw Max shiver, and realized how fogged up his window was, probably from the cold. He opened the window, taking Max’s hand to help pull him into the room. Max’s eyes and nose and cheeks were all bright red. His eyes were also puffy, like he had been crying.

“Are- are you okay?” Richie asked, ignoring how shaky his voice was.

Max hesitated, but then burst into tears, collapsing into Richie. “No. I'm not…”

Richie held him, unsure of how else to help. “What's wrong?”

“I had a nightmare… I… I k-killed you…” Max explained through sobs.

That clicked everything into place for Richie. “Oh my god.”

Max chuckled. “Yes?”

Richie rolled his eyes. “Not what I meant. You remember how that person on the group chat was talking about how we shouldn't fall asleep?”

“Oh. Oh! It's their fault!!”

They stared at each other in silence for a bit, until Richie decided to check on his theory. Max was a bit slower, so it took a couple minutes before he figured it out.

“Wait. WAIT.”

“Yeah?” Richie looked up to see Max staring at him.

“If everyone's having dreams about what they were involved in…” Max moved his fingers around like he was physically connecting dots, which Richie found adorable.

“Yeah, in other timelines.” Richie said, making Max’s face turn to one of pure shock and regret.

“Fuck. OH FUCK. Richie-” He took a shaky breath, voice breaking. “I… FUCK!”

“What?” Richie got closer, concerned about him.

Max texted an angry response to Ruth before speaking again. “I… I killed you… and you… you saw it, didn’t you? I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I-”

“Max. It’s fine.” Richie smiled at him.

“It’s not!! I showed up at your house right after that!! Did I wake you up? It’s not okay, you must hate being with me right now, you-”

Max tried to text Steph, telling her to shut up, without breaking eye contact with Richie. Before he could get the words out, Richie grabbed him, pulling him into a kiss to shut him up. He dropped the phone, which sent the message, and kissed back.

When they pulled away, Richie gave Max an annoying smirk. “See? I don’t hate being around you!”

Max laughed. “Shut the fuck up.”

They went in for another kiss, when there was a knock on the door. The person behind it opened it without waiting for a response.

It was a sleep deprived Paul, rubbing his eyes. “Richie, I love and support you, but it’s 2 in the fucking morning. Please stop having sex. Or whatever you’re doing.”

They jumped apart, faces bright red.

“Uh, I assure you, sir, my intentions were purely wholesome and polite!” Max saluted Paul.

“Uncle Paul- we weren’t-” Richie hid his face.

“Hey. Be glad it wasn’t your Uncle Jerry.” Paul laughed at Richie’s look of horror. “I won’t tell him, don’t worry!! Just- get sleep.”

He closed the door again, and Max burst out laughing.

“Stop laughing and pretending you aren’t embarrassed too!!” Richie exclaimed, still hiding his face.

“Fine, fine.” Max rolled his eyes, then realized something. “Hey, did I ever tell you about that one song those people showed me?”

Richie raised an eyebrow. “No??”

“I guess I’ll have to sing it for you then. I’ll genderswap it, of course. I’m not that much of an asshole.”

“Alright!” Richie looked at him, excited to hear his singing voice in person, not just in a nightmare.

Max grinned. “Hey, boo-”

Chapter Text

lizard: i would like to formally apologize for not being on this recently, i have been busy doing coffee

musicalguy: yeahhhh and ive been busy with business

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: i was studying

KINKY😏: ive been busy…

Dirty Girl Soup: Disgusting. Absolutely horrendous. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Pete’s Hot Chocolate: what have YOU been doing grace?

Dirty Girl Soup: I have been busy being pure and Christian.

thebestnerd: that tracks. i dyed my hair blue

notyourgirl: i have been specifically not smoking

thenicecoworker: thats good!! I have been doing business with paul

hornybastard: youve been doing business alright

thenicecoworker: theodore what does that even mean

cheaterrrrr: i have been cheating on my wife

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: He didn’t even deny it… I’ve been drinking.

News Anchor #1: I have been newsing.

News Anchor #2: I have also been newsing.

God: I’ve been receiving sacrifices.

not-a-car: so i dressed up as a car for halloween

mistertreefighter: hot af

Minecraft: dad.

mistertreefighter: what????

Minecraft: chat is this real

Lizard: But yeah, point is: the author apologizes for not posting in like a damn year because they’ve been hit repeatedly by new hyperfixations and keeps forgetting. Also they can't do anything in a timely manner. They love you all and were solely motivated by that even though they’re extremely addicted to Supernatural right now. Any story requests are open as always and they also opened up a free oc drawing thing, the pinned post on their Tumblr (ihavenoideamanokay). Back to the story!

workinboy: did anyone else feel that

workinboy: something weird happened.

workinboy: did the veil shift?

lizard: professor i love you but i have no idea what you’re talking about

workinboy: IT LITERALLY CAME FROM YOU EMMA

lizard: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lizard: oh my god it actually worked

lizard: usually when i do that it comes out fucked up

Denim Jacket: rock and roll

Dirty Girl Soup: NO. NO ROCK AND ROLL. THAT LEADS TO SEX AND DRUGS.

God: don’t do drugs kids. drugs are bad.

Leather Jacket: rock and roll🤘

Yellow Jacket: yes

General McIntosh: do apples though. they keep those pesky doctors away.

#1drapplebeliever: agreed. for once.

Resident Therapist: But don’t avoid your brain doctors! We’re here for you!

Yellow Jacket: realllllll

lizard: don’t do drugs

lizard: but if you can profit off them

lizard: growing and selling them

lizard: certainly do that

LATTEHOTTE: is anyone thirty??

LATTEHOTTE: *thirsty

cheaterrrrr: im thirty

cheaterrrrr: want me?

LATTEHOTTE: i mean i meant to say get coffee but come get me ig

musicalguy: take it off the gc?????

News Anchor #2: Breaking News: He’s Cheating Again. More at 12.

Ace Attorney: HOLD IT! This calls for a divorce.

SINGLE QUEEN 👑: real.

Darling: if anyone is thirsty, however, come get a milkshake!

Beanie Herself: NO come get a COFFEE

lizard: we’ll spit in it for an extra ten cents

Beanie Herself: I will fire you.

lizard: no you wont because i got you a regular customer

Beanie Herself: We can deal without your little boyfriend.

lizard: he gets five coffees per day. I think we need him

LATTEHOTTE: god damn

God: DID SOMEONE SAY MY NAME

I’m-just-Ken: Office officers, you need to get back to work.

lizard: office officers?

musicalguy: he calls us that now

GIVEMEFOOD: im HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see 👀: I see.

OvergrownShrimp: you two are literally walking stereotypes.

Spider-Man: i hate this family

OvergrownShrimp: you can’t say that!! it’s so close to my birthday!!

Blue Shit: your birthday is literally in almost two months

OvergrownShrimp: IiiIIiIIiiIiiIi…… don’t want aaa lot foooor christmassss…

Blue Shit: SINGING IS MY THING

timebastard: lowkey hate that song

timebastard: might go back in time and make her unsing it

musicalguy: THANK you

lizard: you’re not the one who works at a coffee shop

lizard: we have it blasting CONSTANTLY over here

lizard: not to mention fucking zoey

LATTEHOTTE: what did i do?

lizard: singing along constantly

LATTEHOTTE: AT LEAST MY VOICE IS GOOD

lizard: MINE IS BETTER

Beanie Herself: Girls, there’s a line forming.

lizard: screw the fucking line im RIGHT

hornybastard: i too have a line at my work

hornybastard: the ladies line up outside my office

hornybastard: (and the men and everyone else)

hornybastard: and they all want a piece of this

timebastard: I WANT SOME

mistertreefighter: there are kids present

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: and people who just don’t want to hear this

Steph’s Chocolate Bar: because I already have to hear it at home

Blue Shit: can i excrete into the coffee

lizard: what the actual fuck

lizard: what the fuck is my life

lizard: what the fuck is my job

Beanie Herself: You’re a barista.

Beanie Herself: Now GET BACK TO WORK.

lizard: bye guys

Minecraft: bye chat

mistertreefighter: why does he keep saying chat

Minecraft: negative aura for not understanding chat

mistertreefighter: please someone i am at my wits end

Yellow Jacket: that’s not very skibidi Tim

Minecraft

: rizz

Denim Jacket: yeah we got one too

Denim Jacket: sorry mr houston

mistertreefighter: i hate my life