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Chapter Text

“What do you mean you won’t celebrate your birthday?” asked Yann.

“I said I don’t think I will”.

“It’s less than a week away and you think you won’t celebrate it?”.

Lucas rolled his eyes “I won’t”, he said, this time more resolutely.

“But it’s your birthday!” said Arthur.

“It is, and I decided not to celebrate it”.

“Give us the reason”, insisted Yann.

“I just don’t feel like partying this year, is all”.

“Alright, now tell us the real reason”, insisted Yann, while the four of them kept walking towards the bus stop. There was no fooling him, he knew Lucas best amongst them.
But Lucas was stubborn.

“There is no other reason, how many times do I have to tell you?”.

“And what if we surprised you with a surprise birthday party?” asked Basille, who had still yet to participate in the conversation beside the occasional affronted frowns he’d give at Lucas.

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore because you just spoiled it, idiot”, said Arthur, matter of factly.

“Don’t you dare”, said Lucas, and meant it. A surprise birthday party meant sudden yelling, and more yelling, and all the stuff Eliott didn’t need right now, nor in the near future.

The other three looked at him, acknowledging the serious undertone of his voice. Lucas was the type of guy that would get angry easily, always grumpy and prickly, but the boys rarely took him seriously and never took offense in his mannerisms because they learned what a good and sensitive heart laid behind them. And so it was also easy to get whenever Lucas was actually serious about something.
Yann thought that maybe Eliott had something to do with it, but because that could sometimes be a delicate topic, he didn’t rush into it, deciding to let it slide for now, and give Lucas a temporary win, he promised himself he’ll try to talk to Lucas another time.

When Lucas got home, the first thing he did was to check on Eliott. His boyfriend had been mostly asleep for the last three days. That day hadn’t been any different. If more, Eliott was even more unresponsive than before. When Lucas got close to their bed, he could see his boyfriend asleep, and it looked like he hadn’t woken up at all during the few hours Lucas had been away to see his friends. Unable to stop himself, he leaned over and brushed a few strands of hair that were draped over his forehead, and kissed it lightly, because he didn’t want to wake him up. He knew Eliott was feeling down, that he was hurting, heart and soul, and sometimes that hurt would run so deep that he became unable to function like he would any other day. That feeling, combined with the effects of the medication he took, made him sleepy almost all day, and Lucas let him because he always looked much more at peace when asleep.

That same evening, Yann texted him.

Yann: Can we talk?

Lucas frowned, the conversation they had hours before forgotten, and replied thinking something had happened.

Lucas: Everything okay?

Yann: I want to know why you don’t want to celebrate

Lucas let out a sigh

Lucas: Is it that important?

Yann: Yes??
Yann: Is it about Eliott?

Lucas looked at the message. Of course Yann knew something was up.

Lucas: He’s having an episode, and I doubt he’ll recover before my birthday

Yann: I knew it
Yann: How is he doing?

Lucas: Nothing out of the ordinary
Lucas: I just can’t celebrate when he feels like this, and having a party without him is not an option

Yann: I know, I didn’t mean that
Yann: You don’t even want to meet up in the morning? Just the four of us. Or just me and you

Lucas paused. It’s not that he didn’t wanna hang out with his friends. It’s just that he had already decided to spend the day just with Eliott, no matter what mood he’d be in. And now he got accustomed to the idea.

Lucas: I’d rather stay in, sorry

Yann: It’s okay, we’ll celebrate another day

Lucas smiled.

Lucas: Okay

At first Lucas had been a little hurt by the prospect of doing nothing on his birthday, but when he woke up, on the day of his birthday, he was in a good mood. He cuddled in bed with Eliott and then decided to treat himself with a nice breakfast. Since he had nothing in particular to do all day, he took his time preparing pancakes from scratch.
When they were ready, he arranged four fluffy pancakes one on top of the other and topped them with chocolate cream and maple syrup. Eliott had requested only two, and he wanted his with whipped cream and strawberries, so Lucas had placed two pancakes on another plate and decorated them in the most aesthetically pleasing way he could.
They ate in bed. Eliott fell asleep shortly after they finished, and Lucas spent all morning watching tv series and texting all his friends.

At lunch time, Eliott refused to touch food, so Lucas sat alone at the table. His friends made a video call, all of them wishing him a happy birthday and promising an amazing party later on. So in the end, Lucas ended up having company during his lunch. He guessed that Eliott’s absence and his low voice was enough to let them know the reason behind his decision. None of them commented on it, and instead asked Lucas to say ‘hi’ to Eliott from all of them.

It was afternoon and Lucas laid in bed, facing his boyfriend.
Since Eliott was awake, they talked for a little bit, but Lucas could feel Eliott wasn’t in the same mood he had been that morning, and how much effort it took him to reply to the most basic questions, so instead of forcing him, they laid in silence, looking at each other. Then, Eliott closed his eyes. Lucas looked at him for a couple of seconds more, taking in the outlines of his face. He felt his heart burst with love for the person that laid before him, and craved nothing more than to be able to hug him tightly, run his fingers through his hair, which was getting longer, and kiss every part of his face, and arms, and neck, and everything Eliott was comfortable giving to him.
All the things he couldn’t do now.
Instead he turned around and closed his eyes.
At first he couldn’t go to sleep, but he felt so comfortable and relaxed just staying under all the blankets while the air conditioner was on that he didn’t mind just staying there like that.
It must have been at least half an hour since Eliott fell asleep again, when he felt him move behind him, and before he could realize it, his boyfriend’s arms squeezed him from behind, putting his right leg on top of his body, engulfing him fully. Lucas was unable to control the big smile blooming on his face, and his heart felt so full because of that gesture alone, he dared not to move from that position, afraid Eliott would change his mind and move, just like a cat who wanted to be left alone but still craved your presence nearby.
But Eliott was usually a deep sleeper, and truth to his habits, he stayed like that until Lucas himself fell asleep.
They slept together like that for hours until it was getting darker outside.

When Lucas woke up, he was in a great mood. He felt Eliott stir behind him, still not letting go, so he rolled over, careful not to let Eliott’s hold slip away, and turned to look at his boyfriend. They were both looking into each other's eyes.

“Good morning again”, Lucas smiled at him.

“I doubt it’s still remotely morning”, said Eliott, but there was no hostility in it. His voice was rough after not using it for many hours, and he was still very sleepy, but his tone was kind.

Lucas chuckled, “It’s not”.

“What time is it?”.

Lucas looked over his shoulder, and took his phone to check the time, happy Eliott was trying to make small talk with him. It looked like this time he didn’t want to avoid human interaction, which sometimes included ignoring Lucas altogether, but craved connection. Lucas doubted he was already comfortable with touching too much or staying too close, but he could feel Eliott was feeling better. He doubted it would last long, but he’d made sure not to waste the opportunity.

“It’s almost 8pm”, said Lucas, realizing only now just how much he had slept.

“You slept with me the entire afternoon?”, asked Eliott.
Lucas nodded, looking like a child who had been discovered doing something bad, without showing any trace of remorse.

“How do you feel?”, asked Lucas after a few moments of silence.

“Better”, said Eliott. “Not as much as I’d like, but I’m not sleepy anymore”.

“Are you hungry? We have the leftovers of today’s lunch. I made a lot so I don’t have to cook dinner”.

“Okay”.

Lucas took the opportunity. “Why don’t we make some muffins? We can have a few bites of today’s pasta and then maybe share a muffin? Actually, you don’t have to eat half, you can just take a few bites, how much you want, just… to have something sweet”.

Eliott gave it a thought and then said “Alright”.

Lucas smiled “Yeah? Really?”. Eliott nodded.

“Then… will you stay in the kitchen with me? You can help me here and there, or just stay there… to keep me company”.

“Sure”.

Lucas smiled, “Thank you”.

“You don’t have to thank me”.

“But I do. I want to. I know it’s not easy, so it means a lot to me”.

Eliott looked at him, and then took his hand in his, before kissing it. Lucas reciprocated the gesture.

They heated the leftover pasta and ate together, with Lucas filling the silence in the room with small talk every once in a while. He didn’t want to talk too much, afraid he’d overstimulate Eliott, but his boyfriend seemed comfortable enough to listen to some of his rumblings, which Lucas was grateful for.
They put away the dishes, not bothering to wash them. Lucas had no intention of washing the dishes on his birthday, and he didn’t want to make Eliott do it either, despite Eliott volunteering, probably feeling guilty with the little help he had contributed to the house chores in the last week or so. Lucas wasn’t having none of it.

While Lucas was putting away on the counter all the ingredients they needed, his phone kept bugging with notifications. Eliott, who was sitting on one of the chairs, mostly looking at what Lucas was doing, elbows on the counter and head resting on his hands, said “Someone seems eager to have a talk with you”.

Lucas turned around, and looked at his phone, Yann’s name on it.

Yann: How is Eliott?
Yann: We are talking here because if we text on the gang group chat Eliott will see the messages
Yann: And you don’t want that
Yann: But just so you know, we are all here

Lucas supposed all meant Basile and Arthur.

Yann: You sure it’s better not to tell Eliott today is your birthday?
Yann: He’ll get upset
Yann: Basile wants to let you know that he’ll put all the blame on you if Eliott gets upset with us too

Lucas rolled his eyes and typed back.

Lucas: He’s still not feeling great, telling him now will only make things more difficult for him
Lucas: I’m having a good time anyway, I don’t need anything else

Lucas put down the phone but he saw Yann typing back so he waited.

Yann: Lucas?
Yann: Happy birthday, we love you

Lucas smiled.

"Everything okay?”.

Lucas looked up at his boyfriend, nodding. Then, “Can I kiss you?”.

Eliott looked surprised, not expecting such a request out of nowhere. It wasn’t unusual for both of them to make such requests at all times, but things were slightly different when Eliott wasn’t feeling like himself.

Eliott got up from the chair, leaned over Lucas, who was standing up on the opposite side of the counter, and kissed him on the lips. Since he was taller than Lucas, all he had to do was bend slightly forward.

Lucas beamed like an idiot, “I love you”.

“You seem to be in a really good mood today”, pointed out Eliott.
Lucas shrugged.

“It’s nice”, said Eliott.

Lucas frowned, “You didn’t say it back”.

“I love you too”, said Eliott, a small smile adorning his handsome face.

The muffins turned out to be really easy to make. While Lucas made the dough, Eliott had chopped the other ingredients. They chose to make them banana flavored, with pieces of strawberries, white chocolate and hazelnuts in it. Lucas was confident they would turn out great.
They had settled on watching a random tv series they found while idly searching on the tv while the muffins were in the oven.
By the time the muffins were done, it was almost 10pm, which was not at all late for them on a usual night, but despite everything Eliott seemed okay staying up more and Lucas was not sleepy at all.
When the muffins had cooled down, Lucas put them on a plate, then took another one and cut one in half on it.

“Let’s share the first one”, he said, serving the other half to Eliott on the plate and taking his in his hands.
They took a bite and, just as Lucas had predicted, they were delicious.

“It’s good, isn’t it?”.

“Mh”, Eliott nodded, still chewing his piece.

They each ate their half, then Eliott ate another one while Lucas took two more.

Lucas considered it a success, not only had he managed to make Eliott eat dinner and a muffin and a half, which was already progress, but he could technically say he had just shared his birthday ‘cake’ with his boyfriend.

No matter how much time they had spent together ever since they became officially boyfriends, seeing Eliott down during his episodes was always something that hurt Lucas, and in moments like this he would remember what Eliott had said to him before, that he wanted Lucas to go on with his life. At the time, Lucas told him that it was impossible for him to not be sad when Eliott was, and his boyfriend responded that being sad wouldn’t change anything for him, that having to stop his life was already difficult to process for him, he didn’t want Lucas to do the same. He said it would get easier with time and that in fact, seeing Lucas happy, even when he was depressed, and even when at times he was unkind, was the best thing Lucas could do to ease his pain. So Lucas really tried to listen to Eliott’s words, and instead had decided to support his boyfriend in other ways, by giving him space when he needed it, by going out with his friends whenever Eliott wanted to be alone, to hug him and comfort him whenever Eliott was comfortable sharing his sufferings with him.

While laying in bed that same night, Lucas texted Yann for moral support on a very serious matter.

Lucas: I have a problem

Yann took a whole three minutes to text back.

Yann: ?

Lucas: It’s about Eliott

Yann: Did something happen?
Yann: Should I come over

Lucas: I need to hug him

Yann: ??

Lucas: I want to hug him so bad but I’m afraid he’ll be pissed off at me

Yann: Are you serious??
Yann: I can’t believe I was getting worried over this

Lucas: It is serious, I need advice

Yann: You’re hopeless
Yann: Just hug him, he’ll tell you if he doesn’t want to

Lucas: I’m not psychologically prepared for a no

Yann: …
Yann: How does Eliott cope with you on a daily basis?

Lucas: Excuse me??
Lucas: And you hang out with me a lot too

Yann: Exactly, it’s already hard as it is
Yann: Must be a handful for Eliott

Lucas: Fuck off

Yann: Love ya

Lucas rolled his eyes and put the phone somewhere on the bed, uncaring.
He looked back at the pc between the two of them.
Lucas had suggested watching something together, and even though Eliott had not refused, he felt like he was putting distance between them. More or less an hour had passed since then, the episode was almost over, and Lucas could see Eliott getting tired.
When the credits started rolling down, Lucas turned around to look at him and asked, “Tired?”.

“Mhh”, he felt disconnected from the conversation.

“Are you okay?”.

Eliott looked at him and nodded.

“It just sucks to not be able to do anything useful for days”.

Lucas closed the pc and put it aside. He could see Eliott’s mind starting to go in darker places, so he tried to cheer him up.

“What do you mean? We made muffins and we caught up with the tv series”.

Eliott smiled, but he looked worn out.

“You know what I mean”.

Lucas nodded, a soft look on his face, “I know, some days are like this”. He leaned over and kissed Eliott’s shoulder on top of his t-shirt.

Eliott closed his eyes and opened them after a few seconds.

“I think I’m going to sleep”.

Lucas nodded, “Okay”.

“Are you not watching the series anymore?”.

Lucas looked at Eliott, who had already settled under the blankets.

“I… I actually wanted to cuddle with you, but I don’t know if you’re comfortable with it”.

“We can”.

“Yeah?”, asked Lucas, excited.

Eliott nodded, and Lucas slipped under the covers. Eliott hugged him, burying Lucas’ face in the crook of his neck. Lucas hugged him back, his hands caressing Eliott’s back.

“Is this okay?”. He felt Eliott nod.

Lucas thought back to the birthdays he had so far. They had been fun. Then he thought back to last year, his first birthday with Eliott, and then this year. He couldn’t put into words what he felt for Eliott. In that moment, Lucas thought that he wouldn’t trade Eliott for hundreds of partners that didn’t have bipolar disorder. That it was impossible for him to love someone the way he loved Eliott, and that no one had ever come close to make him feel the way Eliott did. In that moment, holding Eliott close to him, he felt grateful he didn’t feel empty anymore, the way he had all his life.

Chapter Text

That day Lucas had been away all morning. When he got home, right before lunchtime, Eliott wasn’t in their bedroom. Instead, Lucas found the bed empty and already made up, the sheets changed, and the whole room was not in the same disarray it had been for the past couple of days. Of course Lucas never asked Eliott to clean the house while he was not feeling okay. If Eliott felt good enough to do it, and he was the one volunteering, Lucas would usually let him do it, happy to see little progress in his boyfriend’s demeanor. 

Sometimes, during a full episode, Eliott would go on restless cleaning binges of his own accord. At first Lucas found it unusual, but when he noticed it happening more than once, on both manic and depressive episodes, he had searched it up on the internet, and found out it was indeed a symptom. Lucas found it funny and advantageous, because he’d get their house clean spotless, since Eliott would not stop for hours, and it also made Eliott’s mind occupied. 

But that happened rarely, so usually Lucas would just tidy the room quickly by himself.

He was surprised to see the room so clean, and it made hope bloom in his chest because that usually meant Eliott was getting out of his episode. 

That meant getting kisses all day, cooking together, cuddling all day, random talks at any hour. That meant…

But most of all, that meant seeing his Eliott happy again.

He was in the middle of his thoughts when he heard the water running in their bathroom. 

So Eliott was getting a shower…

He went back to the kitchen, and from the balcony he saw a fresh round of clothes hanging up to dry. Eliott had also done the laundry.

He was sweaty all over, and he looked forward to his own shower, but he didn’t rush Eliott. He wanted him to take all the time he needed. 

Twenty minutes or so had passed, when he heard him get out of the shower. In a matter of seconds, Eliott walked through the door and was in front of him, rubbing a towel on his wet hair. Lucas smiled upon seeing him. He did look better. 

Well, he was Eliott, so there wasn’t really a time where he didn’t look good, but that was different. 

“Oh, hi. Didn't hear you”.

Lucas shook his head, “It’s okay, I came home half an hour ago or so, I was waiting to get a shower, I feel disgusting”.

Eliott nodded, “The bathroom is all yours”. 

Lucas looked at him, still wanting to talk and hear his voice, “You cleaned and did the laundry, thanks”.

Eliott shrugged, “I felt good enough to do them”.

“Yeah?”, Lucas smiled. Eliott nodded.

Lucas looked at him. He felt something off about the way he was behaving. He didn’t expect Eliott to already be running after him or anything, but he would usually be, or at least look , more eager to see him. 

“Is everything okay?”, he asked, and he sounded uncertain even to his own ears.

Eliott looked at him like he wanted to say something, like something was troubling him, but after a moment of hesitation, shook his head. “I’m fine”.

But Lucas knew him, they knew each other too well, and it was difficult to fool one or the other. Something Lucas actually felt proud about. 

“Don’t lie. Tell me, whatever it is, it’s okay”.

Eliott looked at him, “I’m fine, it’s not that… go take your shower, we’ll talk later”.

Lucas looked at him, “Promise?”.

Eliott nodded, “Promise”.

Lucas nodded, and tried to keep his anxiety at bay while he took clean clothes to change into and headed into the shower. Eliott didn’t look angry, nor hurt, it was more like… Lucas couldn't really say it precisely, but for some reason he looked more like he had done something bad, which Lucas doubted since he had stayed in bed for the majority of the time and hadn’t even gone out. Not that going outside meant trouble for Eliott, it was not that, it was just that Lucas couldn't really find a reason as to why he’d need to feel that way. 

He showered quickly and went to the kitchen. Eliott was sitting on the couch, looking at the lockscreen on his phone. Lucas sat down next to him, body turned towards him, signaling him he had his full attention.

“Last week was your birthday, wasn't it”, said Eliott, now looking at him.

Lucas hesitated, he had completely forgotten about that, but he should have expected it, of course Eliott would know by now. 

He nodded, it felt like the only thing he could do. 

Eliott sighed. 

“Are you angry I didn't tell you?”, asked Lucas.

“I’m not angry”.

“I’m sorry. Maybe you wanted me to tell you anyway, the gang said so as well. But it’s just… I felt like telling you would have come off as forcing you to say yes, and I don’t want you to do things you don’t want to just because you don’t want to see me sad. I don’t want you to be sad either”.

“Why are you the one apologizing?”, sighed Eliott.

“You shouldn't apologize either. You didn't do anything wrong”.

“I know, but I felt like shit when I realized what day it was today, and what that meant. I looked so forward to your birthday. I even got you the present a month before” he said, looking at him.

Lucas smiled.

“And I ruined it”.

“No”, Lucas shook his head, no way he was gonna let Eliott believe that, “You didn’t ruin anything, you never do. Don’t ever say that again, please . You make everything better! 

You know, I could have done the party anyway, but I didn’t, and I didn’t do it because not inviting my boyfriend would have been a shitty thing to do, but because celebrating without you of all people makes zero sense”.

“But this is different. If you had… a normal boyfriend, you could have had a party with him, on that same day”.

“I don’t give a fuck about the normal boyfriend, and what’s that even supposed to mean, a ‘normal boyfriend’?”, said Lucas, mimicking him. 

“One that doesn’t have to stay in bed all day for a whole week or more, or get angry at you for stupid things, or do crazy stuff out of nowhere… One that can be there for you at all times”, said Eliott, looking down.

“You are saying a lot of bullshit right now”.

“I’m stating the facts”.

“The facts are bullshit”, repeated Lucas, angry.

Eliott looked at him.

“I want you. You wanna get angry at me for stupid things? Go on, I’m still the pettiest and grumpiest one in this relationship and you know it, and you put up with it, every time. You wanna stay in bed all day? You think that’s what’s gonna make me go around saying you’re a shitty boyfriend? Really? You make me laugh, help me when I’m in trouble, comfort me when I’m upset. You put up with all my tantrums because I can’t deal with my own shit most of the time. You help me cook, you help me study. You work so we can afford living together. You are always there for me. And you think you don’t deserve me to put up with you?”.

Eliott looked at him, and smiled. An honest one, not the ones he’d usually give Lucas more as a comfort.

“And what about the ‘crazy stuff out of nowhere’? Remember last autumn? I told you I loved persimmons and during a manic episode you bought me ten kg of them. That was the coolest thing ever! We ate them for so many days, we made cakes out of them… I ate so many I thought I’d pass out but it was so fucking cool that you did it for me!”.

Eliott laughed, touched by his words. No one had ever called ‘cool’ the things he did during his manic episodes.

“And, just so you know, I had an amazing time during my birthday”, said Lucas.

Eliott looked at him skeptically.

“You don’t remember which day it was, do you?”.

Eliott shook his head, “I have a shitty memory when I’m having a depressive episode, I forget a lot of things, and sometimes I’m just so out of reality, I could have looked at the date that same day and still not realize it”, said Eliott.

Lucas nodded.

“Remember when we made the muffins?”.

Eliott thought about it, and then Lucas saw the realization on his face, “That was your birthday?”.

Lucas nodded, “See? We even made our own birthday cake!”. He laid down and put his head in Eliott’s lap, looking up at him.

“Were you really happy?”, asked Eliott, running a hand through Lucas’ hair.

“I’m always happy when I’m with you”.

The next few days went by with their honeymoon life restored.

Life with Eliott was good as always, but Lucas couldn’t really shake off the little disappointment in seeing how his friends had all buried the party subject, without ever mentioning it again. Even when Lucas asked Eliott to show him his present, Eliott would agree only to forget and rush to do something else the next moment, so in the end Lucas had dropped the subject. Maybe Eliott didn’t really have a present and just said that to make Lucas happy… still, there was no way Eliott wouldn’t give him one.  

At first Lucas had thought they were all plotting for the ‘surprise party’ Basile had mentioned, but the more the days went by, the less sure he was of that possibility because, again , no one was really doing anything about it. They even went out all together a few times, and every time Lucas thought it would be to celebrate, but the topic of his birthday never came up in their conversations. So Lucas had just left it at it. It wasn't like he couldn’t live without a party.

He was pleasantly surprised by just how much energy Eliott had. One moment he was drawing, the next he was occupied with a new movie project for school because “I’m in the mood for it so I better get a hold of it even though we’re on summer break”, the next he’d be working at the video club. All of these while still insisting on helping him cook and study for his own exams.

About that, Lucas was also on summer break, but there was this one subject he had already failed and he absolutely wanted to take advantage of his break to pass it. He had complained so much about it to Imane in the last couple of weeks that she had finally decided to give him private lessons and had invited him over. When he asked her why they were supposed to meet at Emma’s place, she insisted she already had other plans with her but took pity on him and that he should thank her instead of making so many questions, because Emma was so used to having people over doing random stuff, she would surely not mind them at all. 

It was already late afternoon when he started to put away his things inside his bag to head to Imane’s. Eliott was rushing from one room to the other, still half naked , because he was late for work. 

It had been another amazingly lazy day spent cuddling and kissing, after waking up at almost noon, and despite Eliott spending too much time on his phone, Lucas was always quick to require his attention each time, and have his boyfriend all for himself. They had then decided to shower together and Lucas was so horny he couldn't help going down on his knees and give Eliott a blowjob. That had escalated quickly and they ended up having sex, not even bothering to do it on the bed, or at least the couch. More than once they had found themselves laughing so much they could barely stand up. It had been quite the experience, Lucas thought, to laugh so much while having a dick inside you.

And so now Eliott was terribly late for his night shift, and Lucas found it extremely amusing because on the other hand, he was peacefully arranging his things, without a care in the world. 

Eliott’s night shift began two hours earlier that day, which was quite unusual, but Eliott had said they needed more time to put all the new dvds that had arrived on the shelves, and Lucas hadn't thought much of it. 

“Be careful, you might trip over something we threw around the house”, said Lucas, not bothering to hide his laughter.

“Yeah laugh all you want”, said Eliott, barely suppressing a smile because seeing Lucas happy consequently made Elliott happy. 

“Ok, I’m ready”, said Eliott. He rushed to his side, kissing him for longer than he should considering how late he was, but Lucas didn’t complain.

“Ok, I’m going, see you later”, he said, and rushed outside. 

Lucas shook his head fondly.

A few minutes later he was on his way to Emma’s place.

Just as Imane had said, they were studying ever since he came over an hour before and Emma was going around the house not paying them any attention.

“Are you understanding anything at all?”, asked Imane.

“How angry would you be if I said I barely understood three sentences?”.

“You’re hopeless”.

Lucas rolled his eyes, “Thanks”.

“Alright, then”, said Imane, closing off the book, “Let’s take a break”.

“You want to take a break after barely an hour? What’s gotten into you?”, asked Lucas.

Imane shrugged, “I’m hungry, let’s get somethin from the kitchen”.

Lucas followed her, resigned to fail that exam over and over again when all of a sudden the lights were on, and a thousand pieces of confetti fell all over him.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCAS!”.

All his friends were there, right in front of him. Emma, Yann, Arthur and Basile were all at the front, shouting and throwing on top of him all sorts of candies and confetti they had, wearing ugly birthday party hats while Alex was wearing a huge unicorn one that somehow was even uglier. Manon, Charles and Mika were holding up a huge banner with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY LULU” written on it. Right on their side, Idriss and Sofiane were holding up a huge cake that had the ugliest picture of him Lucas had ever seen, he was sure no one other than Eliott could have had the chance to take it. Lisa was right beside them with a lighter in her hands.

Lucas couldn’t believe his eyes.

There were tables full of food everywhere, and another one in the corner full of gifts.

All the walls were covered with pictures of him, ugly ones, funny ones, embarrassing ones, a lot of them were with his friends, and some others were of him and Eliott together.

Everything was covered in confetti and decorations, so colorful it immediately made a huge smile bloom on Lucas’ face. All of that, for him. 

“As you can see, the surprise birthday party we promised to our Lulu!”, shouted Basile, coming to stand in front of him, followed by Yann and Arthur.

They hugged but were shortly interrupted by the tornado Daphne was known to be, who immediately hugged him tight, Lola and Maya looking fondly at the scene from behind her.

Everyone came one by one to wish him happy birthday one more time, and soon he couldn't help but feel his eyes sting. When the others realized, they all hugged him, laughing. 

They let him go, and Lucas found himself searching with his eyes for the one person who had yet to show up. Right then, Eliott came forward, smiling brightly at him, and Lucas didn’t hesitate before running up to him and hugging him, arms around his neck and legs wrapped around his waist. Even if embarrassed, it was nothing the others hadn’t seen, used to seeing all kinds of physical affection displayed, especially when it came to Lucas and Eliott. 

Eliott laughed agaisnt his ears and held him just as tight in return. 

“Happy birthday, my love”, he whispered, so only the two of them could hear. 

Lucas looked up at him and smiled before kissing him. Loud shouts of approval came from all over the room. 

Later on, Lucas came to know that they were in fact planning this all along. 

“We really wanted it to be a surprise, so we made things properly”, said Basile, looking over at Imane.

“You mentioned before there was this exam you were shit at, so I knew it was only a matter of time before you came asking for help, and we thought that would be our best option, because if you are the one asking for a private lesson, you wouldn’t have any clue”, she said. 

“So, what do you think of our decorations skills?”, asked Daphne excitedly.

Lucas laughed, “They are really not bad, I’ll give you that”.

“Is that all you have to say, shame on you”, said Emma. Why did she look drunk already?

“Are you drunk?”, asked Alex.

“Barely tipsy”, retorted Emma, confident. “I just took a few sips of my mother’s wine while we were decorating”. 

“What about the dick stickers I made to stick all the pictures to the walls?”, asked Mika.

“They are…”, started Lucas.

“Very beautifully shaped dicks, aren’t they?”, said Mika proudly, “I searched on the internet and selected them myself”. 

“Can you imagine how fun that was?”, said Lisa, rolling her eyes back. 

"I asked Eliott to give me pictures of his dick, I'm sure you would have appreciated those more, but he refused", added Mika. 

“We are sorry we made you wait a full hour for this”, said Yann.

“Yeah, we would have had everything put in order before that if only someone hadn't showed up an hour later”, said Arthur, eyeing Eliott. 

“Thye were definitely fucking”, said Yann, proud of his friends. 

“And he didn’t even deny it!”, said Basile.

“Would you have believed me if I denied?”, asked Eliott.

“Absolutely not”, confirmed Basile. 

Lucas laughed at this absurd exchange that was happening in front of him, realizing only now that Eliott had been late for his party and not his shift.  

They partied until late at night, somehow managing to eat all the food displayed. Then it was time for the cake. 

“Don’t forget to make a wish!”, yelled Sofiane. 

Lucas blew out the candles, Eliott behind him, holding his waist, and all his friends around them, taking pictures and videos. 

Lola and Maya insisted on making dozens of photos, and Lola was particularly adamant on making the perfect angles for Lucas’ and Eliott’s pictures together. 

Later that night, Eliott took Lucas on the side, and gave him a small package, beautifully wrapped in blue, Lucas’ favorite color. Lucas smiled at him, and thanked him with a small kiss, before unwrapping it. Inside there was a cd wrapped in its container.

“It's a video I put together of you”, explained Eliott. “I mean, it’s quite long, it’s like a mini movie dedicated to you”.

“You made a movie about me?”, asked Lucas, surprised.

“It’s starting to become a habit, isn’t it?”.

“What did you do?”.

“It’s not about our story, like Polaris. I wanted you to see yourself through my eyes. It's a movie I made to honour how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You’ll see funny moments, sweet ones, intimate ones, embarrassing ones, everything that’s part of you, and I hope it’ll help you appreciate yourself half as much as I do”, said Eliott. 

Lucas looked at the envelope in his hands, and then back into his boyfriend’s eyes, so honest and raw, only for him.

“That’s…”, the words got stuck in his throat, too heavy, all too much, this love always made him feel so full.

Eliott took his hands in his, making him look up at him, and brushed with his thumbs the few tears Lucas hadn’t realized had started sliding down his cheeks. Lucas took a deep breath, but he was unable to say anything more than muttering a “thank you”, before hugging Eliott and hiding his face in the crook of his neck. He stumbled over, his balance thrown off by the fact that he was standing on his tiptoes, and soon he felt Eliott’s arms on his back, securing him against his body. 

While Lucas was having fun unwrapping all his gifts one by one with everyone around him to see his reactions, Eliott distanced himself from the group and looked at his boyfriend’s happiness being displayed so openly.

“You okay?”, Yann asked, coming to stand beside him.

Eliott looked over at him, nodding.

Yann eyed Lucas and then again Eliott “What did you give him to make him cry like that?”, he asked, a fond expression on his face.

Eliott shrugged, “It’s a secret”.

Yann sighed, “I knew you wouldn’t tell me”.

They laughed together.

“I’m sure it is something that has a lot of value, something only you could have done”.

“He deserves it”.

Yann looked at him, “You shouldn't feel guilty”. Eliott finally looked away from Lucas to give his full attention to Yann.

“That guy loves you like crazy. If you ask me, feeling guilty is stupid”.

“Thanks”, laughed Eliott.

Yann shook his head, “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying that Lucas never thinks ‘oh fuck it’s Eliott’s fault I can’t do this’, at most he’ll be like ‘I can’t wait for Eliott to feel better so we can do it together’, that’s what I’m saying”.

“I know”, said Eliott.

“Do you, really?”.

“After two years together, I don’t doubt his feelings or the way he perceives me, but old habits are a bitch to get over, and sometimes old insecurities resurface, and I can’t fight them back, not always. In those moments all I can think about is what a nuisance I must be to him”. 

Yann looked over at him, then took his phone out, “I want to show you something”.

Eliott saw him looking through his previous texts with Lucas, then settled on a particular chat.

“He texted me this on the day of his birthday, look at the date and the hour, and look what he’s saying”, he handed the phone to Eliott, who took it and began reading the chat.

Lucas: I have a problem

Yann: ?

Lucas: It’s about Eliott

Yann: Did something happen?

Yann: Should I come over

Lucas: I need to hug him

Yann: ??

Lucas: I want to hug him so bad but I’m afraid he’ll be pissed off at me

Yann: Are you serious??

Yann: I can’t believe I was getting worried over this

Lucas: It is serious, I need advice

Yann: You’re hopeless

Yann: Just hug him, he’ll tell you if he doesn’t want to

Lucas: I’m not psychologically prepared for a no

Yann: …

Yann: How does Eliott cope with you on a daily basis?

Lucas: Excuse me??

Lucas: And you hang out with me a lot too

Yann: Exactly, it’s already hard as it is

Yann: Must be a handful for Eliott

Lucas: Fuck off

Yann: Love ya

“See? When you are having an episode he’s over there whining about the fact that he can’t hug you all the time”, said Yann, laughing, “All he thinks about is how to make you feel better, or how to not pressure you too much, he doesn’t even register the word nuisance”.

Eliott looked over those messages over and over, his heart full once again, feeling all the affection and respect behind them. Before he could say anything, he felt two pairs of arms wrapped around him, and a kiss was placed between his shoulder blades, before Lucas asked, “You okay?”.

Eliott turned over and nodded, kissing him. He didn’t tell Lucas he knew about the messages, he was sure that would have embarrassed him, and for as much as he loved seeing his love embarrassed, he decided to spare him this one time.