Work Text:
“You are a wretch who has no regards and respect for order!”
“And you’re a government slave who knows nothing of this world.”
Right now, the inside of the suitcase was a battlefield. The two opposing sides: the girl in white that believed in order above all, and the girl in black who had a radical view in freedom. It was no secret that both Sonetto and Schneider rarely get along. Well, ‘rarely’ as in ‘almost never’. However, their disputes had never been this bad. The animosity was so thick that you could vaguely see dark, blot-like aura being emitted from them. In the middle of it was a lone, sentient, floating apple, who might as well be invisible. The APPLe knew he needed to do something, but every time he tried to go near them, he could feel a part of him slowly rotting from the aura. Of course, this was all in his head, but boy did it felt real.
Thankfully, the ringing of the bell could be heard, which indicated that someone else had arrived. The door opened and revealed the visage of our Timekeeper, who was slouching forward as she placed her top hat on the coat rack. The APPLe made haste and hovered towards the girl.
“Ah, Ms. Vertin! It’s good that you’re back safely. How was the arranged meeting?”
“It went on like any other meetings: nothing but dead ends.” The Timekeeper wiped her face, “The Foundation is being extra stubborn with my proposal.”
“Yes, that would seem apparent… Perhaps you’ll be able to put some reasons into them next time.”
“Yeah… ‘next time’…” Vertin scoffed. She tossed her body onto the couch and sighed deeply. But then, she turned her gaze to her two bickering partners. From her perspective, it looked like an orange greyhound and a black Persian cat, with the cat lazily licking her paws as the hound kept barking at her. It seemed funny at first, but then Vertin remembered how far their dispute can go, “Schneider and Sonetto; what’s the matter with them?”
“Oh, r-right! It appears that this APPLe owes you an explanation.” The APPLe scratched the back of his head(?) At least, that’s what he thought he was doing, “Uh… Are you familiar with the Italian cuisine named ‘Pizza’?”
“Of course, I do; everyone does. In fact, it was one of the more popular lunch menus back when I was in school.”
“Well, yes, but do know anything about its variants; namely the ‘Chicago deep-dish’?”
“I believe so. I think I’ve read it somewhere in the newsletter. Never tried it for myself, though.” Vertin casually answered, before realizing the oddity of this conversation, “Hang on, why are talking about pizza all of a sudden?”
“Ugh… That’s the issue.” he groaned, “You see, Ms. Schneider believed that the aforementioned deep-dish is the superior type, while Ms. Sonetto thinks otherwise; saying that it couldn’t even be classified as one.”
Vertin paused; dumbfounded by the issue at hand, “And… That’s the reason why they look like they’re about to kill each other?”
“In a nutshell, yes.” the APPLe then dashed as close to Vertin’s face as possible. The desperation in his voice was eerie, “If it’s not too much trouble, can you make some sense for them? This APPLe believes that there will be collateral damage if this matter escalates.”
Vertin let out a deep sigh. All she wanted to do after that excruciatingly frustrating meeting was to go back, take a break, maybe finish a chapter or two from her novel while drinking a cup of tea; that would be too easy! Now, she had to settle a heated conflict over a measly hot Italian dish. But, whatever! She made a promise to both Sonetto and Schneider, and it was her responsibility to keep them. Vertin picked herself up from the couch and brush of her coat, “Okay. Let me think of something.”
“Thank you, and please be quick about it.”
The Timekeeper nodded. She then walked towards the two. Sonetto kept ranting on and on whilst making gestures with her hands and Schneider, while responding them with sarcastic remarks, had her right hand gripping the gun by her waist unusually tight. Yeah, there will definitely be a shootout after this, Vertin thought. She then called out both of them, “That’s enough, you two.”
Without hesitation, Schneider leaped and launch herself to the Timekeeper’s embrace. Sonetto could only watch in blush and exasperation as the frilly girl from Chicago snuggled her head onto Vertin, “Ah, my Lord! You have returned at last~ Oh, how I long to meet you again.”
“I’ve only been gone for an hour.”
“But an hour without you is like an eternity in hell, my Lord!” she then pouted and glared at the ginger, “Especially with that devilish hag of a woman constantly preying on me!”
“Huh?! Who are you calling devilish?! Stop saying such ridiculous things!” Sonetto retorted.
“See? Even until now, she keeps eyeing the innocent me with such bloodlust.” Schneider turned her body around and dramatically tossed herself so that Vertin would catch her, “Oh, woe is me~ Save me from this infernal agent, my Lord~!”
“Slander! I have never done anything like the things you’ve described!” the girl in white became increasingly panicked, “Timekeeper, please don’t believe this woman’s exaggerations; I’m begging you!”
“Calm down, Sonetto. I’ll handle this.” Vertin patted the ginger’s head, and let Schneider’s clutch off, “Mr. APPLe told me that you two are arguing about the so-called Chicago deep-dish, correct?”
“Oh? How much do you know about it?”
“Hm…” Vertin rubbed her chin, “From the articles, it was invented by Ricardo and Sewell in 1943, but some argued that Malnati was the one who wrote the original recipe. Some even claimed that it had existed so far as 1926 by the care of Rosati.”
“Well-informed as always, my Lord. It’s no wonder that many people want to claim you as their own.” the girl in black gave a small clap, “Regardless of its origin’s truth, the deep-dish has become an identity for us in Chicago; a way for our Italian voices can be heard in the cold city. Yet this stronzo had the gall of disregarding its long and rich heritage by not calling it a pizza!”
“Because it’s not!” she yelled, and both of her hands formed the iconic Italian hand gesture, “The only reason it exists is because Ricardo and Sewell needed help from Malnati to even understand the concept of pizza. They didn’t have that understanding! Even after it was given to them, they somehow failed to fully grasp it!”
“But they created something new out of that idea, didn’t they? What’s wrong with that?” Vertin genuinely asked; to which, Schneider’s face lighten up, and gave the ginger a victorious smug look. Sonetto’s face became increasingly red.
“Wha- Order is more important than opinion! There are key principles for a pizza the same way there are principles in science.” she continued her sentence while slapping the palm of her hand, “Napoletana, Siciliana, Margherita, Diavola, and even the New York style; they follow the integral order that had existed since the beginning! If all things in this world suddenly ignores the key principles, they would fall into such chaos that would make the Storm look like a joke.”
Rigid and stubborn as ever, Vertin thought. But honestly, that’s a part of Sonetto she finds adorable. Looking back to Schneider, she was leaning closer to the ginger with a mocking expression, “Well, since you’re oh so knowing, then indulge me: what do you think defines the identity of a pizza? Hm? Tell me this so-called principle that you hold dear!”
“How is it so difficult to understand? A pizza is a dish of flat dough, sauce, and cheese, in that order, cooked in a high-temperature oven and be served in triangular slices. I don’t get why many people get this wrong!”
But Schneider’s grin only became wider, “Ah, so by that logic, a Greek pita bread with tzatziki and feta could be considered a pizza, correct?”
“Wha-”
“How about the Spanish dish of Catalan Coca? Could that be considered as one?”
“That’s no-”
“Or perhaps a simple, fucking toast that just so happens to have sauce and cheese is classified as one?” the Chicagoan giggled. She really knows how to piss off someone, “You’re so fixed on the rules and orders you brought upon yourself that you fail to see the world beyond the walls. You’re nothing but a lapdog with no free will~!”
The room went silent. So much so, that the sound of the wind swaying the vegetations of the external environment seemed so loud. The APPLe hid behind the stack of books to avoid confrontation; only peeking out occasionally. Schneider hummed a mocking tone, and Sonetto remained; clenching her fist and whimpering ever slightly. The Timekeeper cleared her throat.
“She has a point, you know.”
Sonetto squeaked, turned towards Vertin who was expressionless, then turned towards Schneider who was letting out her tongue, and then back towards Vertin.
“T-timekeeper?! Why are you on her side?!” she frantically asked, only to be met with a shrug. Her whimpering became more apparent, “W-well, at least those examples are remotely similar to a pizza! What about your deep-dish?! That thing is a casserole!”
Vertin could swore she saw Schneider popping a vein.
“And what’s with the layers?! Uncooked marinara? Ground beef? There’s not even a single shed of cheese in there!”
“The cheese is under the sauce you fucking imbecile!” Her hands trembled as she gripped her gun even tighter.
“Even if you say that, it won’t change the fact that its structure is a deviance against humanity!” Sonetto kept flailing her arms, “The bread is too thick, the ground beef is too much, the use of a skillet for serving is impractical, and the list goes on! It’s like a pie who wants to be a pizza, but can never be one because it’s vastly flawed!”
“But this ‘casserole’ you love to disrespect is miles better than that boring creation you call Napoletana.” Schneider retorted, this time in irritation, “A bland dough with bitter sauce with nothing but cheese and oregano, what a joke!”
“Oi!! That pizza is the cornerstone of all other variations to come; a symbol of order and proper idea! Without it, even your Chicagoan abomination wouldn’t exist!”
“Ridiculous. The only thing it can hold onto is the idea that it’s the rightful leader. Without it, it’s simply nothing~ Much like that pathetic Foundation you serve, no~?”
As she was finished, Schneider spat on Sonetto’s boots…
Yup… She had done it now.
“That’s it!” Sonetto drew her pen of her waist and in an instant, dozens of sharp crystals manifested behind her and every one of them were aimed right at Schneider. It was against her code to use her incantations for selfish emotions; she knew that. But right now, in her mind, she only wanted one thing: and that is for that pompous, narcissistic, bratty, citrus-scented child from Chicago to be obliterated.
“I have had enough with your audacity against my identity and the Foundation’s! And for that, I must put you in your place!!”
“Oh, feisty bella~!” As she announced it, blackish-red aura formed around her. She pulled her gun and pointed it precisely on Sonetto’s wide forehead. Her trigger-happy tendency couldn’t be contained any longer. The only thing stopping her from having her Lord to herself was this hag from the Foundation. This was the chance to change that
“But make no mistake, it’s always been my wish to put a bullet in your head!”
Then, just as they were about to put each other to grave… Vertin took a firm stand and forcibly pushed and separate both of them. God knows what wounds these two would inflict within 5 feet radius from one another.
“Stop it! You’re both acting like lunatics over a dumb matter!” the Timekeeper yelled. Both girls immediately froze still; nodded down. The crystalized arrows and the bloodthirsty aura had disappeared, “Now I want you to calm down and think about what you’re getting into, okay?”
No words. Both of them remained and glared at each other. Obviously, they’re not over it; they never will. However, their love and gratitude for the Timekeeper outweighs the animosity they have for each other. So, they nodded in agreement, and proceeded with their ‘timeout’.
“Thank you.” once she was finished, Vertin dragged her exhausted body back to the couch. She placed both hands on her face and let out the deepest groan she could. Well, that surely was an afternoon: two of her companions almost killed each other over fucking pizza. Although, in hindsight, it was somewhat hilarious. The rebellious Vertin had to be a voice of reason, the law-abiding Sonetto having a tantrum over a ‘useless matter’, and Schneider being… well, Schneider. Fate really has its own sense of humor.
“That did not go as well as what this APPLe would’ve imagined, but it seems they have managed to put their arguments aside for now.” The APPLe tried to cheer her up. It worked… but the aftertaste still felt disgusting.
The suitcase still felt tense. It would take some time before everything cooled do-
“HEY, HEY!! Your favorite Captain is ba-” Regulus snapped the door open, only to be greeted with a mood-killing atmosphere. What the hell happened here, she thought. The brunette then walked around and saw the two girls standing next to each other, but not bothering facing one another. “What’s wrong with them?”
“It’s… complicated. This APPLe can’t explain it fully even if he wants to.”
“Uh-huh… Anyways, I brought food for us to enjoy! You can all thank me later.” Regulus cheered as she placed an undisclosed box on the coffee table.
“I guess I could go for something to eat.” Vertin replied, “What did you bring, anyway?”
“Pizza, but not just any pizza, oh no! It’s a never-before seen innovation in my life.”
Fuck. We just went to war over pizza. How could the timing be anymore terrible? Vertin gulped, and inquired, “And that would be…?”
“Hawaiian!”
“Ha?” both Sonetto and Schneider uttered in deadpan unison. The way they immediately turned towards Regulus at a neck-breaking velocity. It didn’t help her case either when the brunette opened the box and revealed the unholy creation of salami surrounded by the bright, glistening chunks of fruit that should not be there.
“See? They even have pineapples on top. How cool is that? Oh, and don’t worry, Mr. APPLe! They made sure the fruit is not alive.” The brunette giggled. Little did she knew that it would be her last chance to laugh.
“Regulus…” Vertin placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder, “…I think you should run.”
“Eh? What are y-” before she could finish, Schneider held her on chokehold and slammed her to the floor face first. Both of her hands were locked by the former mafia as her free hand took a hold of the gun and pointed it right on the brunette’s head.
“Too late.” Vertin simply commented on the sidelines.
“W-WHA-?!! WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THI-” Regulus squealed, but her body was immediately turned upwards and Schneider was right on top of her. Vertin knew she was a killer, but the expression she had… It wasn’t the usual gleeful bloodlust…
It was rage. Pure. Unadulterated. Rage.
She placed the gun’s muzzle into Regulus’ mouth, “Listen here, figlio di puttana: I have nothing in my life! My family and all that I hold dear had been robbed from me by the Storm! There is no God, and there is no love! There’s nothing I can have except my name and my culture. So, you think you can come here, insult my heritage like this, and leave scot-free?! Hah! Sure, you can go… After I blow up your tongue!!”
Regulus panicked; her face was pale and tears were flowing. Surprisingly, she managed to push out of Schneider’s grasp. With the gun loose, she tried to skitter away only for the Chicagoan to catch up and pin her down once more.
“AAHHH!!! HELP!! THIS CRAZY WOMAN IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!” her hand tried to reach for the ginger, “SONETTO, HELP ME!!! MAKE HER STOP!!! DO SOMETHING!!!!”
But Sonetto stood still, with her hand covering her mouth and a death glare, she uttered: “May the peace be with us.”
“AAAAJFLNFASJAS.KNLANLJSAFNLASFNJBFAJ,BA,BE,BDBDSJ,BDS,”
And so, the comical, yet traumatizing beatdown continued. The APPLe and the Timekeeper stood at the sides and watched as two Italians beating up a clueless British. I guess if anything, their pride in a shared identity was one thing that could stop them from going at each other’s throat.
“…Who knew that Ms. Schneider and Ms. Sonetto can get along like that.” He commented out of concern.
“It appears so.”
Vertin couldn’t help but to smile loftily.