Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You’re such a strange girl
You have blood on your hands
And a fire in your eyes
And that closet of yours
Seems kind of..

Actually, nevermind.

I’m such a boring boy
I have ink on my hands
And pure water in my eyes
And the feelings that i have for you
Seem kind of..

Actually, nevermind.

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Please, no more
The love just overwhelms me

Please, no more
The ceiling’s staring at me

Please, no more
The hatred overwhelms me

Please, no words
I love you so much more.

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Most are regular,
you see them everywhere.
Sipping their regular drinks,
sat on the bench, spat on the sidewalk;
everyday,
every time,
always.

But humanity is so much more than that.

She is special,
you still see her everywhere.
Sipping her precious iced tea,
likely late for the meet, someone called her:
‘Hi, freak!’.
And you felt bad, so you said;
‘I’m sorry that I feel this way.’

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We woke up early
And I loved you dearly

And then I cried, I cried.

We talked too much
And you didn’t really like me, right?

And then I cried, I cried.

I burned my shoulders
And you’re setting too much borders

Then I cried, and cried - I’m roadkill.

Chapter Text

Ever think of just ending it all
I know you die, kids
Just take some adderall

Every thing around me just doesn’t feel at all
I know I died, kids
Just drink some alcohol

Ever think of just not existing at all
We’re dead, kids
You’ll see me at nightfall

We’re the dead kids in the sand
We’re the dead kids in the land
We’re the dead kids, we just know -

I’m the dead kid no one loves.

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You’ll meet me with my heart out,
flailing my insides around like i’m fine

You’ll see me with my guts spilled,
staring with glass eyes like it’s done

You’ll look at me like a stranger,
playing with feelings like i’m none

You’ll bid me a good night,
tasting with summer sun like i’m dumb

I’ll see you on the balcony,
drawing voids and blood like i love
Though you won’t leave entirely,
i’ll just shoot you and run.

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you’re so stupid for existing,
you’re so nasty for deleting,
you’re so ugly for just being,
is there something i’m not seeing?

they’re so smart for dissipating,
they’re so nice for always staying,
they’re so pretty for just missing,
is there a thing i should be fixing?

i’m so sorry for being here,
i’m so tired i can’t breathe,
i’m so sick for just leaving,
even more boring self-deceiving.

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I drink my black coffee even though it’s disgusting,

You want to hear a joke?
Oops, sorry, I forgot it

Just like I forgot my name,
Forgot what I was gonna say,
Forgot the way she looked me in the eyes that day.

So I threw up on purpose, bleeding on the floor

Care about me please, care about me more!

Jump off of the bed,
so you can see me clearly,

I love you unreasonably screaming!

We don’t even talk anymore now,
Cause you think I’m insane,
You think I lost everything that day,

And I bet you liked the way I cried your name,

that’s fine by me, anyway!

Chapter Text

(Heh, yeah, I do tend to..)

(Overshare a bit? Yeah, noticed.)

(I like you. Like.. Really like you.)

(I know.)

Obviously obnoxious, falling asleep now

Though I know you can barely even hear me now

And through dumb smoke I really fucking miss you now

Even though the headaches you gave me were neither fair nor rational

Sometimes I regret meeting you, the fear was just irrational

I’ve always liked that you made me feel fractional

If you don’t believe me, look in my fucking playlists;
Whether you know or not, your soul has started to rot.

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tie me up, don’t tie me down
sweet little dove, oh please don’t cry
the icky sweat, the red and bloody sheets - it’ll all be nigh
when i finally come down from the high

try to catch me, but i can’t be caught
at yellowstone, where you stared at me long
it’s too naive, it’s too expensive - it’ll compensate my face that’s pensive
while i’ll think of how to put up my defences

try to love me, when i don’t like to love
looking backwards, you were the only one
that looked, cared and didn’t leave - that’s exactly what i didn’t want to see
but oh well, it happened again,
repeating mistakes time and time as always

didn’t think that you could be so funny
it’s sad that i’m not just a carefree bunny.

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Mirror, mirror on the wall
Am I the prettiest girl of all?
Do I send boys kneeling, hanging from the ceiling?
Do I make girls so jealous, they become felons?

Mirror, mirror on the floor
Am I the smartest girl of all?
Do I get boys begging, and they're so unnerving?
Do I make girls wonder, how their brains don't ponder?

Mirror, mirror out the door
Am I the girl? Not anymore
Do I leave you to die, wait until your brain cells fry?
Do I make you hope you could dream, but you never get a wink of sleep?

Sweet array of mothers weep, every mirror shattered with a sweep,

Am I
?

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fall right there, fall into place
hold my hand, but we're just friends
dance with no room for the Lord,
now get away with all the porn

dirty liar, lie your part
you know, you have no choice but that
shaved your brain all nice and smooth
fuck it, where's the kissing booth?

get me to the altar now
give me away to my beautiful bride
she's wearing a black dress, just like a raven
we both say we do, we know we can't save him

honeycomb, honeymoon
she's the reason that i swoon
my wife is my truth, and she is my life
but she goes by "Death", if you know her charm

Chapter Text

text bubble
bubbles
in the park on a bench
let's go out!
no

on a bench
bubbles
in a bubble on a bench?
can we hug?
no

in a park
lovers
lovers in a park
can we talk?
no

text bubble
soda pops
a bubble pops
can we break?
no, how dare you

go drown in a hole
in a park
in a bubble
in soda pop
in a text bubble

in the capital
strangers
us
can we no
yes

Chapter Text

did you care
no
sorry
no, no
do you care
yes

did you show
no
sorry
no, no, no
do you show
yes

did you do it
no
sorry
nononono
do you do it
always

did you love
no
sorry
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
do you love
so hard it draws ink from my veins

they who are lost
shall be found

and she who
no, sorry
no
sorry
sorry.

that was too far
another take, please?
sorry

did you know
no
sorry
no
do you know
no
sorry
no

and i wont

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fuck her face
yeah!
fuck her face, just like that
tongue it twist it lick it
yeah!
pepper her with your sweet seed of loving
and yknow what you get for that??
a whole bundle of
nothing!!!

whats your face for if not fucking??
whats your name mean if its lost to the pounding???
do you ever really think that im something????
or was all this time always worth nothing?????

passively aggresive, but i wont go away
youll find me trapped in the way you say "okay?"
now i wont say your name cause the nicknames just the same
sugar, baby, my precious little sweetiebelle

fuck my face
yeah!
fuck my face, just like that
look it, hit it, miss it
yeah!
tongue like an adhesive to the back of my throat
cause i already know that whatever you do, ill always be sold
cut off the meat piece, better - cut off my arms!
just wanna meet my compromising demise

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feel like a monster,
with the way my stomach is bursting with flames
with the way i could scream your name
and with the quiet promise that you'll suffocate

feels like this time - youre closer
the bed isnt that hard anymore, its softer
one's charm works for the other
do we both love one another?

with a snap of your fingers
id be on my knees, swifter
begging - please!
yes, go ahead, cup a feel

saw that smile, saw that face
knew its time that my feelings race
a soft, plush pillow hits my mouth
hard
and its not going to stop

then again - i dont want it to!
id touch it every time i could
fuck logic, fuck peace - im a fool!
a - a h . . i m f u l l n o w , t h a n k y o u . .

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a rainy day, a dark and gloomy night
i saw a stray dog, sitting by a road light
tried to pet it, but he jumped to bite me
i took a step back, but then he.. sat by me

i started walking away, and he walked with me
we grew quite close on my way home, didnt we?
but i knew every step he took was painful
he had wounds all over his pretty gray fur

when we got home, i made him some food
he soon got to know the other dogs in the room
again - i tried to pet him, but it was still too soon
the others liked him. together - howled at the moon

the next day, tried to bandage his wounds
he still wouldnt let me, i felt like such a fool.
then i asked "is this a game to you?"
he just tilted his head like a silly dog would

a week, maybe two, the dogs all fought
the dog scratched at its wounds, blood all around
looked at me with glossy eyes, scowling
"want me to help?" my hand reaching

he bit my hand right off
what a nasty, nasty dog.

Chapter Text

i counted the days we didn't talk
each day i crumbled, heart of chalk
did we fight? not really
do you hate me? figuratively

i put on a black coat, it wasnt my style
but i had to dress up the feelings inside.

i dont usually dress like this
the good memories fall into the abyss
did we fight? no, but we should
do you hate me? i hate you too

this.. thing put on a mask (is it still me?)
feelings in the distance - i can hardly see.

dark makeup and ripped jeans
i dont think this is still me
no control over what i do or think
the hate has corrupted my heart

my heart?
is.. bleeding

something ripped through "my" body
a pretty pink knife, hearts all over it
before i could form another thought
i hear a sound i thought i never might

my voice, my real voice
" i b r o k e t h e w e b o f l i e s"
i smiled, i died, but that's a good thing, right?
now we're real, together

a valid murder, whatsoever