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Haer'Dalis had joined this group of adventurers just recently and yet he wasn't so sure if that had been a good idea.
There was the dwarf, this dog of war, who's only interest were gold and strong ale and thriving his bloodied axe into whoever stood between him and one of the two other things.
Then there was the failed knight apprentice, the hound, who recently seemed to drown a deep sorrow in too much beer and snarky comments about honour and righteousness.
The gnome was amusing yet even Haer'Dalis failed to see if there was truth or deception in those weird stories he always told. So much that he failed to see the animal in the gnome's soul. Also what was that obsession with turnips about? A metaphor for something Haer'Dalis failed to see and understand yet?
And then of course there were the most interesting two: the raven and the red robed sparrowhawk.
The oddest pair of mages Haer'Dalis had ever encountered in all of the planes he'd ever visited.
The raven, Verdana she was called, was currently sitting at another table, a scroll and her spell book in front of her.
And the sparrowhawk seemed keen on bothering her.
Haer'Dalis decided to watch from a safe distance.
This could turn into an interesting evening.
Standing behind Verdana, Edwin threw a judging gaze into her spell book.
“The semantic component is wrong. It should be more like this,” he said and painted an invisible U with his finger into the air.
“Edwin. Dear. I need to concentrate,” Verdana sighed.
“Yes, you should concentrate indeed, my Deva, or else you get it wrong. And you did get it wrong. Here.” He reached over her shoulder and tipped the page of her spell book.
Verdana's eyebrow twitched.
“Edwin, I swear, don't you 'Deva' me right now...” she mumbled, “This is a highly complicated spell I am trying to write. Do not disturb me. Or you will regret it.”
“Well, you're going to fail it anyway if you continue such amateur work.”
“Edwin. I-” Verdana groaned and closed her eyes for just a moment and then it happened – a scratching sound from her quill, a few sparks and an adorable yet destructive little 'poof'-sound – and she was suddenly left with nothing but an empty, non-magic piece of paper and an uncompleted spell in her book.
For two, three seconds there was just silence in which both wizards seemed equally startled. Then all hells broke loose.
“May Zariel eat your soul, you insufferable prick!” Verdana spat out these words like a snake her poison, slamming her hands on the table. She got up, face to face with Edwin now, who just quirked an eyebrow.
“See? I told you, you would fail. Maybe you should've left that spell to someone who knows how to write it. (Me, of course.)”
“Oh yeah?! Well the last time you tried to recite a powerful spell from a scroll you got turned into a woman!”
“And even in that insufferable body I would've been able to write such a simple spell like that into my book! (How often will she remind me of that excruciating incident?)”
“Gods grant me patience, nobody should have to endure your stupid face!”
“If I recall correctly, you thought my face was just fine and handsome last night, woman.”
“True. It's not your face. It's your voice. Nobody should be forced to listen to it for more than five minutes a day,” Verdana hissed.
“If you were just half the wizard you claim to be, you would've tried to cast a silence spell on me long ago. Not that you would've ever been able to overcome my own spells that protect me from such foul and simple monkey-magic, but-” Edwin got interrupted and finally silenced the moment Verdana just grabbed his head and forced him into a kiss.
For a second or two he just seemed startled but then he tilted his head to deepen the kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
Haer'Dalis raised his eyebrows. What a turn of events! What a show! He almost felt the need to applaud. Now the raven and the sparrowhawk were seemingly entangled in what one could only describe as fierce and passionate kissing but looking to his new companions, it seemed they were less impressed and it made Haer'Dalis think. Was there more to come...?
Verdana let go of Edwin, staring at him with a deadly and furious spark in her eyes. For a moment there were no words flying between them, just invisible daggers shot from their eyes.
It was Verdana who caught her breath first.
“There. Suitable way to shut you up,” she hissed. “And now get out of my sight.” She was about to turn away but noticed that Edwin did not comply.
“Or what.”
“Or I will show you that even half a wizard is enough to crumble you to dust,” she said through gritted teeth.
“Tsk. Wicked wench,” Edwin snarled, holding her gaze.
“Sorry piece of a cowardly Red Wizard,” Verdana hissed, not breaking eye contact either.
“Coward?!” Edwin gasped, clapping a hand over his heart. “You may call Edwin Odesseiron many things: intimidating, handsome grand wizard, for example (yes that will suffice to shut her up) – but I am sure no coward!”
“Bet you wouldn't dare to fuck me right on this table,” Verdana hummed with a victorious smirk on her face.
“Oh yeah?!”
“Yeah!”
What followed was the sound of cloth getting torn. Haer'Dalis flinched. Was he dreaming? Was he caught up in some weird, twisted magical play? Was that really happening right now, were the raven and the sparrowhawk undressing each other, climbing on that table, entangled in another fierce kiss? He blinked. Again. Then he looked around. At least now his companions seemed to become aware of the situation.
“Does that happen often?” Haer'Dalis asked.
“More often than you think...” Anomen whined and downed another big mug of ale before his head just ended heavy on the table.
“Ah yes, just let them proceed...” Korgan hummed with the biggest and most twisted grin Haer'Dalis had ever seen.
Just Jan let out an almost tired sigh. The gnome got off his chair, calmly walked over to this moaning bundle of entangled bodies and clothes and started to cast a Dimension Door spell on them. After a few seconds, both Edwin and Verdana got teleported away. Whereto – only Jan would know.
“Blasted gnome! Way to destroy the fun!” Korgan cursed and slammed his mug with so much force on the table, that the passed out Anomen got showered in foamy and sticky ale.
Haer'Dalis blinked, then shrugged and took a sip from his wine.
Maybe it wasn't a good idea to join this group of adventurers – but a fun one it was for sure.