Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time it happened he hadn’t thought too much about it. Really it hadn’t even crossed his mind. He just thought the pain in his mouth was from getting his in the face with an exy ball during a game.

It had hurt like a bitch but that was to be expected.

But then it happened again, this time on the other side of his mouth. It wasn’t exactly pain yet but annoying.

And then there was random ear pain. The two combined was enough to make Andrew want to stab everyone near him. He somehow refrained.

Unsurprisingly Neil noticed first. It was on a free afternoon where they were just sitting and Andrew kept moving his jaw trying to alleviate the pain.

“Drew? What’s wrong?”

Andrew shrugged and gestured to his mouth. He put a hand up to stop Neil when he opened his mouth again. “I’m not going to a dentist.”

Neil nodded and didn’t bring it up again for a week
~~~
He noticed Neil’s worried glances. He could always feel Neil’s eyes on him but this especially was getting too much.

“Staring.” Andrew pointed out, trying to not wince when he talked. He couldn’t help it though. Something he hated.

If he had just been with Neil it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But he wasn’t. They were at a team mandatory movie night.

He didn’t know why Neil wanted to go to these things, he hated movies, but he did so Andrew went with him so the junkie didn’t somehow get abducted on the walk between the dorms. But also he didn’t like not being around Neil.

“Drew, we need to talk about your-“ he was whispering but he still cut himself off, looking around the room before switching to Russian. “Mouth.”

The use of the language had Nicky and Aaron looking over. Everyone was used to German and French being used at this point but Russian was still uncommon.

“Not now.” Was all Andrew said. He wanted his mouth to numb and he wanted to not think about what could be causing this.

There were many possibilities. Maybe some random tooth disease he read in a book once. Or a cavity, though he tries to take good care of his teeth. But the most likely one was one he refused to consider.

He decided he wouldn’t even think it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Aaron asked, Andrew looked over and saw his twin frowning.

Andrew shrugged. He didn’t plan on telling med student Aaron his issues. Aaron who was a bit paranoid after reading a bunch of medical shit.

He once told Andrew he thought Andrew had a tumor, he did not… Aaron had a nightmare and was convinced, so he wasn’t rushing to let his brother know.

Not that he told him a lot. Especially about when he was in pain. Aaron would try and get him to take pain meds, and despite the fact that Aaron had personal experience with drug abuse he didn’t understand the absolute hatred Andrew had of it.

“Andrew.” Aaron said sternly when he looked away. “Is it your mouth? You keep messing with it.”

He hated how concerned his twin sounded. He hated the way that now everyone was looking At him because the idiot was speaking in fucking English and everyone could understand him.

His first instinct was to ignore him or get up and leave. However after many sessions with Bee they had agreed to not do that. At least not with good reason.

So he glared at everyone before whispering, in German, that yes it was in fact his mouth that was bugging him.

“He won’t go to a dentist.” Neil told Aaron. Andrew gave him a look and Neil shrugged. Bastard.

“Andrew,” Aaron muttered. “You need to go see a doctor if your mouth hurts. Especially if it’s your wisdom teeth coming in you might need surgery.”

“Fuck off” and Andrew got up and walked out. He knew it was a dick move but he didn’t honestly care.

He knew that Aaron didn’t get it. He may think he understands Andrew’s hatred of doctors but only Neil knew the real reason. The drugs involved alone were a reason to not do this. But the other one made Andrew shake with rage and fear.

He went to the roof and had a cigarette lit in seconds. The nicotine helped slightly, giving him just enough relief.

It didn’t make everything go away but at least this was enough of a distraction. He looked down at the edge and his heart raced.

One wrong move and he would go splat. That wouldn’t feel very good but hey the tooth pain would be over. He wasn’t in the least bit tempted though.

“You better not jump. Then you would have to go to a regular hospital.” Neil mused, and stole his cigarette.

Andrew gave him a look before looking back at the pavement out the bottom. He didn’t want to jump. He didn’t want to do anything like that anymore.

“I was wrong for or telling Aaron. I didn’t want him to insist on it. Thought I was saving you the trouble.”

“This is why you shouldn’t think junkie.” He wasn’t mad. Annoyed maybe but Neil had thought about what was best. and honestly he was glad he didn’t have to tell Aaron himself.

He reached a hand out towards Neil. “Yes Andrew.” He said and took Andrew’s hand in his own.

The touch was nice. Grounding. He shouldn’t rely on touch like this but he did. He craved Neil’s touch, something he never felt before him. But Neil made him feel alive.

Neil didn’t push him to speak. He just held his hand and let him take his time. Andrew knew if he didn’t want to that he didn’t have to tell him at all.

The cigarette was gone by the time that Andrew decided to talk. He perfectly constructed the words in his head before opening his mouth.

“I don’t want the drugs.” It was truthful. A bit vulnerable. He kept his voice even.

“Okay.” Neil squeezed his hand lightly. “Do you not want the drugs that make you laugh or any at all.”

He shuddered at the thought of both. The laughing one didn’t sound pleasant. He wouldn’t have a single form of control over his words. And he refused to not have control.

But he didn’t want to be awake and in more if anything happened. That would probably end with him being arrested. And was the lack of control even the main issue?

“Drew we can see if there’s a way to get anesthetic that doesn’t make you loopy.” Neil spoke softly. “And I’ll be with you the entire time. You won’t be alone and unconscious.” He didn’t swear or promise.

Andrew nearly cried. A small part of him wanted to. How dare neil know him so well? How dare he be so attentive and patient? How dare he care so much.

But he couldn’t argue with that. If Abby or coach found out, and chances where that one if the other foxes already blabbed, he would be forced in a horrible way.

and he wouldn’t be forced to do shit.

“169 percent junkie.” Andrew replied. “Make the appointment. And you and Aaron have to be there.”

Neil nodded, a small smile appeared on his boyfriend’s face. Neil pulled out his phone and typed something with his free hand.

“Okay Drew we can do that. Yes or no? Can I hold you?”

Andrew pondered for a moment. And then nodded “yes.”

Neil wrapped his arms around Andrew’s shoulders, pulling him into his chest. Andrew soaked in the contact.

His mouth still hurt and he still didn’t want to go anywhere near a dentists. But at least Neil would be there, and Aaron too. The two people who have protected him, they wouldn’t let him get hurt.

He would be okay.

Chapter Text

The appointment was made within two days and scheduled for two weeks later.

Now it was the night prior and to say Andrew was nervous would be an understatement.

Andrew didn’t get nervous, not typically but the surgery was becoming too real. He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to have someone cut into his mouth while he was unconscious.

And who’s to say they let his junkie and twin into the room? What if they made them leave? It wouldn’t be an easy fight and was highly unlikely but Andrew’s mind didn’t care.

Neil and Aaron would probably get arrested if they didn’t let them stay. And then Andrew would be left at the mercy of another doctor who had him drugged.

Yeah fuck that. Never again.

Andrew decided he wasn’t going. He could just have his wisdom teeth forever and it would be perfectly fine.

He immediately changed his decision when his jaw started hurting so bad he badly, but didn’t, cry. It was more intense than it had been.

His chest started aching and he felt his heartbeat increase. Fuck he didn’t need this right now.

He was trying to sleep but his head wouldn’t shut up. Phantoms taunted him, grabbed at him. Whispered what they would do to him the moment the anesthesia started working.

Andrew winced.

The panic was overwhelming him, nearly making the pain disappear but he wasn’t so lucky. He was never so lucky.

His hands curled into fists and he tried to force himself calm but it didn’t work. Hands of dead men touched him, rubbed at his back and legs, grabbed at him without permission.

It was a bad night for Neil to share the bed with him. He couldn’t sleep because of the pain but he knew if he did he would just wake in a worse panic if Neil accidentally rolled over. Or vice versa.

Neil was asleep, and Andrew was tempted to wake him up so he wouldn’t be alone with his thoughts. It was a dangerous place to be and Neil had told him that he doesn’t want him alone there.

But the junkie looked peaceful in his sleep and it did help a little to watch chest rise and fall. So he let him sleep.

Andrew didn’t sleep.
~~~
The next day Abby drove him, Aaron , and Neil to the dentist’s office. Andrew was gripping Neil’s arm, after Neil said yes, and he was pretty sure he left bruises. He had tried to pull away but Neil told him he could continue.

His junkie made him feel things other than panic for a moment.

Aaron either didn’t notice or didn’t care about Andrew’s nerves. He was upfront talking with Abby

Neil muttered comforting words on Russian, not letting the others in on his nerves. Andrew hated that he craved them.

“Andrew,” Abby spoke kindly, he didn’t response but she didn’t wait for him to. “I want to just remind you that the anesthesia you chose for the surgery will knock you out completely. But the good thing is both Aaron and Neil will be in the room with you.”

He nodded knowing she couldn’t see it. His mouth was hurting and he still didn’t want to do this.

“I’ll be in the waiting room, and I made sure everyone who will be assisting in this knows you don’t like to be touched.”

Neil squeezed his hand. Hopefully these doctors listened to that. If not he was never going back to a doctor again.
~~~
“Alright Mr. Minyard,” a doctor, her name was Dr. Callahan, smiled at him. “I just want to run things with you. Your family can stay in the room.”

She gestured to the seat beside the dental chair. Just out of the way of the doctor and her nurse, also a female Andrew noticed. He wonders if Neil requested that.

“You’ll be completely asleep the entire time, and then you’ll wake up and your nurse will drive you back. Recovery can last from five days to two weeks, so no exy until your nurse signs off. I’ve always emailed her the requirements to clear you.”

He nodded.

“Is it all right if I get started? It’ll require an IV, so I’ll be touching your arm. I’ll have gloves on the entire time and I’ll be quick as possible.”

“Yes.” He muttered, refusing to look at Aaron, whose eyes were burning into him.

“Okay, Andrew relax.” She spoke softly as she told him everything she was doing. He appreciated knowing but he still felt sick as it happened.

Everything got fuzzy, even his panic was all over the place as he slipped into unconsciousness. Last thing he heard was Neil telling him “it’ll be okay Drew.”
~~~
Andrew did not remember getting in Abby’s car. He didn’t remember the surgery ending or leaning against Neil’s shoulder.

His mouth was starting to hurt more than before. And he remembered that a doctor had cut into him while he was unconscious. Powerless to stop it.

He felt sick. He tapped on Neil’s thigh in warning, as his heart began to race. He was shaking even as Neil pulled him closer.

“Abby are we almost back to the dorm?”

“We’ll be there soon.”

Andrew closed his eyes the rest of their drive. Tears actually formed as the dread from earlier returned tenfold. He had let a doctor near him like that, had chosen it over the happy drug.

But he couldn’t have taken the happy drug. It would’ve been too similar to his medication. He didn’t really have a choice, and it was already done.

He didn’t remember the end of the surgery. He didn’t remember if Aaron and Neil had kept their promised and stayed.

What if they didn’t?
That was the last thought he had before passing out on the couch they had somehow gotten too.
~~~
Recovery was a god damn bitch. Andrew was glad that all four wisdom teeth were gone, at least he didn’t have to deal with that again, but this was annoying.

He couldn’t practice which a year ago wouldn’t have bothered him but now? Now he wanted to go on court. Anything but suffer while he watched his teammates work.

He tried to focus on his junkie who was running across the court like his life depended on it. It was nice to watch, he didn’t get to focus completely on him all the time so he took it in when he could.

His jaw was still swollen. His surgery had only been a couple days before. He was supposed to be home resting, but he didn’t like being far away from his things.

Neil caught his eye after making a goal on Renee. Andrew warned at the look. And saluted him.

“Minyard. I thought I told your ass to stay home for a week.” Wymack called up at him.

Andrew looked at Coach and noticed he wasn’t mad. Which was good because he didn’t want to bother with an angry coach.

He shrugged. Andrew’s mouth hurt a lot so he didn’t want to talk very much. And he didn’t really want to get into why he felt he had to be there.

“Abby told me the surgery went well.” Wymack sat a few rows away. Giving Andrew space if he needed it. He refused to feel anything over that.

“That’s what I’ve been told.” He regretted speaking, his fist clenched to deal with the pain.

Wymack gave him a nod and sipped on the coffee he had in a death grip since the beginning of practice.

Andrew’s eyes went back to court where they were finishing up on their drill. They would take a small break and then do the last bit.

“I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know you were concerned about the surgery.” Andrew chilled and he didn’t bother denying his words. “And I also know you hate these kinda talks but I’m proud of you.”

That’s what made Andrew turn towards him. Proud of him? Had an adult told him that before? Other than Bee after he made the decision to return to therapy when he didn’t have to.

Neil had told him that before but no one else.

He hated the way that made his chest tighten. He didn’t need validation so why did he feel like this? Maybe it was a side effects over the pain.

“Why?” He whispered before he could stop himself.

“Because you didn’t keep yourself in pain. You got help. Come on Andrew, you can sit closer to court and study the plays there.” The coach shook his head while letting out a laugh. “No more emotional talks today. Think we’re both allergic.”

Andrew nodded in agreement and moved closer to where Coach was and watched the rest of practice in silence.
~~~
After practice Neil drove their group home. Andrew had gotten shot gun Because he wasn’t able to focus on driving when in pain, his medication for it wasn’t helping much or at least it was taking a while to work.

They hadn’t talked about Andrew’s freak out before or after the surgery yet. He could feel that his junkie wants to ask, needs to ask but he hadn’t yet. He waited, giving Andrew enough time to process the emotions.

But when they got to their dorm it was just the two of them . Kevin went to hang with the upperclassmen and Robin to talk more strategies.

They were settled on the couch, not touching, when Neil finally got the courage to ask. It was good timing because the pain had settled into a dull ache versus intense pain.

“Are you ready to talk about the other day?”

Andrew took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “What about it?”

“You had two attacks, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. But if you need to”

Andrew reached out for his hand and Neil gave it to him with a yes. He ran his thumb over the scars covering Neil’s hand. It comforted him.

“I didn’t want to be at a doctor’s mercy again.” He swallowed.

“Okay.” Neil responded slowly, like he knew the answer. He probably did. It’s why he promised his and Aaron’s presence. “We were there to make sure you were alright.”

“I know.” Andrew snapped. And then regained his composure. Neil was trying to help he reminded himself.

It was frustrating. Even when people knew what happened to him, Neil knew the most, they still didn’t quite get the fear. Even when like Neil they had gone through their own hell and had their own triggers.

Only Neil and Bee knew the truth of his time in the mental hospital. He only told Bee after it slipped during a session where he had been so angry already.

And Neil only knew because of fucking Riko had threatened it to happen.

The worst thing was that Neil thought by being tortured he would stop Andrew’s fate. It didn’t work. He didn’t blame Neil, he blamed Riko and the doctor who raped him. And every other man who did that to him too.

“You’ve both been taken from me before.” Andrew whispered. You could’ve been taken again while I was useless in that chair. Their knives in my mouth.” He started shaking at the thought. “And I wouldn’t have been able to stop any of it.”

Neil muttered his name. Andrew immediately looked at him. There was an agonizing look of understanding.

“Can I hold you drew? Yes or no?”

“Yes.” And he met Neil pull him into an embrace.

It had taken so long to accept this from him. But fuck Neil’s touch was a remedy to all this fucked up shit. It soothed the pain that made itself home in his chest.

“We won’t disappear again. I swear that no one will ever get me away from you Andrew Joseph Minyard. You’re stuck with me.”

“Oh goody.” He said sarcastically but secretly he was pleased with that. It was a deal in a way.

Neil rolled his eyes fondly. Andrew settled on his chest, breathing in the smell of his boyfriend. He smelled like home.

“And I’ll never let another doctor hurt you Drew. They’ll be dead before they even can finish thinking of it.” And he kissed the top of Andrew’s head.

Andrew believed him. He wasn’t a very trusting person, even after trying as hard as he was. But Neil always managed to make him trust him.

He didn’t even force it like some of the others tried. He just took what Andrew could give him. And it was the same the other way.

He would eventually trust the others enough to share more of him, especially Aaron and Nicky. One of these days he would tell them the whole truth. But for now he has Neil and that was enough.

“Thank you.” He muttered and finally felt at peace.

“Of course drew. Get some rest and I’ll buy you all the icecream when you wake up. I got you.”

Andrew fell into an easy sleep and the pain didn’t bother him as Neil held him safely in his arms.