Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It started, as many things did, with Scanlan having an almost-not-terrible idea.

Okay, technically it started some time before that. The gang needed a job. They got one: infiltrate a keep headed by a general suspected of conspiring against the kingdom to find evidence of treason. They accepted, mostly because they were almost broke and surrounded by armed guards who didn’t seem like they wanted to hear “no,” and went to Greenwall. 

The first problem came when Greenwall Keep turned out to be very, very, very well guarded. After Vex ran out of two sets of arrows as well as her last reserves of patience, Keyleth the mouse got stuck in at least three traps, Scanlan failed to bribe sixteen guards, Grog got buried under the wall he broke, and Vax fell off of a ledge into the moat and learned that a certain species of crocodile has teeth longer than his forearm, Pike made the executive decision that they were not going to brute force their way into the keep. “I can only do so much,” she stated, and they were all too tired to argue. Besides, arguing with Pike was never a good idea. 

But Scanlan’s idea wasn’t much better. “If we can’t force our way in,” he reasoned that night over their third round of ale, “we have to get them to let us in.”

Vex wasn’t impressed. “Obviously.”

“No, what I mean is…” Scanlan paused, looking around the table to make sure everyone was listening. Keyleth had passed out; Grog’s little (relatively, anyway) finger was two knuckles deep in his ear; Vax was staring mournfully at what was left of his boot after the “ stupid fucking crocodile ” had decided it was a chew toy. Pike, at least, had glanced up. Good ol’ Pike. “I mean, we need someone on the inside .” 

Somehow, Vex managed to look even less impressed. “Scanlan. We’ve been trying to get inside.” 

“No, not us . We get someone on the inside to let us in!”

“I got that part,” Pike said. “We need them to let us in. Figures it should be someone who’s already inside.”

“No, no, hang on–” Scanlan shooed at the air, grumbling. “Like, instead of getting one of us inside, we get someone inside to help us. Like, join the crew.”

“You’re too drunk to be having ideas, Scanlan,” Vex sighed, claiming what was left of Keyleth’s ale. 

Scanlan’s face fell into flat resignation. “I’m saying we flirt our way in.” 

The confusion cleared from Pike’s face. “Oh! Why didn’t you say so?” 

“If Vex is already disappointed, she won’t get more disappointed when she hears the actual idea.”

“Try me, bitch.” 

“Okay, she won’t get too much more disappointed.” 

Vex just ignored him for two more drinks before going to bed. 

But three days later, they still didn’t have any ideas. Well, they didn’t have any other ideas. They tried lying their way through the front entrance, even, but that hadn’t gotten them anywhere (it had somehow gotten Vax back into the moat, but that didn’t count as progress)–so it was with great reluctance that Vex asked Scanlan to elaborate on his idea. 

Scanlan was all too happy to oblige. “Well, the guards I was talking to didn’t have anything helpful to say about how to get in–they didn’t want to let me in either, that was just rude–but they did mention that the general has a daughter.” His grin grew, and Vex found herself wondering not for the first time how the hell she’d ended up working with this menace of a gnome. “They also happened to mention that this daughter has quite a bit of interest in romance, and that she isn’t the best at keeping secrets.” 

Pike brightened. “So we gain her trust and she lets something slip! That’s actually not a bad plan!” 

Scanlan beamed. Vex thought his cheeks looked a bit more red than usual, and not because of the drinks. “Thanks, Pike.”

“Can’t we just kidnap her?” Grog asked.

“Grog, no,” Scanlan fussed. “No, we’re making love , not war.” He waggled his eyebrows. Grog just shrugged. 

Vex sighed. Idiots. “How do you know where she’ll be?” 

“Picking up trashy romance novels at the library, obviously.” Rolling his eyes, Scanlan gestured in the vague direction of Greenwall Village’s library. “I can stop her on her way out, make nice, work my magic.”

“You’ll be flirting with her?”

“Um, yeah? That’s kinda my thing, Vex.” 

Vex pinched the bridge of her nose. It wasn’t a terrible plan, no, but it wasn’t a great one either. There was no way of telling if they’d gain any useful information. For all she knew, Scanlan was just making an elaborate excuse to get laid. But at this point, they didn’t have much to lose. 

“Fine. Do your thing, Scanlan. Just don’t get us into any more trouble.” 

Scanlan’s grin widened a bit too much. Scratch that, a lot too much. “Trouble? Who, me?”

Before Vex could take it all back, Scanlan was out the door.

Chapter Text

The gang huddled in the room they’d rented at the inn as the sun got low. Scanlan had been gone for hours. Vex had started pacing. Was Scanlan getting distracted? Had he gotten into the keep already? Had he been imprisoned? Had he even gotten to the library without getting sidetracked? Was he injured? It wasn’t like Scanlan to be on time, but this was a bit too long–

“I see him.” Vax had taken a position at the window, watching for the bard’s return. Vex knew her brother well enough to know he was just as worried as she was; also, keeping watch made it less obvious that he was pointedly avoiding looking at his newly ruined boot. He’d just been wearing wet socks since the second crocodile encounter. Vex was hesitant to tease him about it, though. She didn’t like the idea of a crocodile snacking on him any more than he did. 

But Scanlan was coming back, hopefully with information that meant they didn’t have to deal with the moat. 

Vex paced back to the bed and sat down, her brother joining her a moment later. Grog looked up from where he and Pike had been sitting against the wall; after Grog had broken several inn beds, they’d decided it would be easier (and cheaper) if he simply avoided testing the strength of every bed frame he came across. Keyleth set down the potted plant she’d been… chatting with, and sat on the other bed. She glanced around at the group, concern in her eyes. Vex didn’t bother making her resting bitch face look any less bitchy when their eyes met. It had been a long week. Keyleth knew that. They were past the point of pretending with that sort of thing. 

But Keyleth, ever the optimist, couldn’t leave it at that. “I’m sure he got what he needed, no problem.” 

“Key’s right,” Pike chimed in. “I mean, this is Scanlan. He’s been flirting. How much can go wrong with Scanlan flirti–okay, a lot can go wrong, but it’s probably fine.” 

Vex rubbed her forehead, not for the first time questioning her choice in friends. “No problem,” she muttered. 

The door flew open, and Scanlan burst into the room, panting. “Guys, we have a problem.”

Vex flopped back on the bed, banging her head against the wall. “Why, what happened?”

“Nothing–well, a lot–it’s not my fault this time, I swear!”  Scanlan paused just long enough to close the door. “I’m not her type!”

“You’ve worked with less,” Vex grumbled. She figured it wasn’t worth it to sit back up and just turned her head in Scanlan’s general direction. 

Scanlan was shaking his head. “No, this is–she likes tall guys.”

“I’m tall,” Grog said, perking up. Vex could just barely make out him and Pike fistbumping. 

“Tall and mysterious, buddy.”

“I mean…” Vex didn’t have to look up to know exactly what face her brother was making. 

“I’ll tell Gilmore.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Scanlan interrupted. “Tall and mysterious and human .”

Silence.

Vex sat up. “You couldn’t have started with that? We don’t have a human.”

Vax hummed. “Is half-human close enough?” 

“Apparently her dad’s, like, really racist. So no. Don’t even try it,” Scanlan added when Vax started trying to cover his elf ears with his hair. “The hair never stays put for long.”

“If we’re back to square one, it’s worth considering,” Vax said with a shrug. The small motion pushed his hair out from in front of his ears. Scanlan smirked triumphantly. 

Vex tried taking deep breaths. It didn’t make her feel any better about dealing with this. “Did you learn anything helpful, Scanlan?”

Scanlan grimaced. “That Greenwall Keep can only be opened from the inside. And people are hardly ever let in unless they have business with the general.”

“And with all the trouble we’ve gotten into, there’s no way we’ll be let in,” Vex finished for him. “Great. Wonderful. Best paying job we’ve gotten in years, and it’s impossible.” 

“If we could get close enough with the general’s daughter, maybe she’d invite us,” Vax murmured. 

Vex elbowed him. “Were you listening? We can’t get close to the general’s daughter.”

“What if we could?” Pike asked. Before anyone could respond, she said, “Remember what Scanlan said when he brought this up? We get someone to join the crew. Except instead of getting someone already inside to help us, we find someone outside who can get us inside, and then they let us in.” 

“So all we need to do is find a tall, mysterious human who’s desperate enough to risk his life to fake a relationship with the daughter of the most dangerous man for miles to help six total strangers break into the most secure keep in the kingdom and steal something so incriminating that it’ll have to be in the most guarded part of the keep. Did I get that right?” Vex crossed her arms. “What are the odds we’ll just run into someone like that?”

“We don’t know until we’ve tried,” Keyleth said. “And… I don’t think we have much of a choice at this point.” She sounded small. 

Vex looked around at this strange little crew. They all had determination in their eyes. None of them were willing to give up without one last effort. 

“Fine,” she said. “We’ll try. Everyone get some sleep, we’ll have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Later, Vax would look back and wonder how he had had the most luck when he was the only one of the six of them specifically instructed to not worry about finding their oddly specific target. Vex just sent him on a supply run to get materials to repair what was left of his boots and stock up on anything else they might need for breaking and entering–or, well, seducing a posh bookworm. 

He left at the same time as the other five, shuffling in his socks and glaring daggers at anyone who looked at him a bit too long. Sure, their little group was practically built off of making fun of each other, but he didn’t have much patience left. Stupid fucking crocodile . 

Vax didn’t even know how it had happened. One moment he was scaling a tower, trying to pick a lock on a window higher off the ground than he cared to think about. Then he was surrounded by water. Then that fucking monster came out of fucking nowhere and fucking ate his leg –or tried to. He got his foot out of the way in time, but there wasn’t much left of his boot. Then it opened its mouth even wider and holy fuck he was so dead –

And then his sister was dragging him out of the water and shouting at him. 

When all was said and done, it wasn’t even that unusual. But now Vax was stuck doing supply runs half-barefoot. And Grog kept snickering at him. Like he was such a wimp for almost getting eaten by a crocodile. 

“Fuck that,” he muttered. Someone nearby in the shop he was in looked up, somewhat alarmed. Vax smiled at them. They just looked more scared and walked away. Quickly. 

Vax turned back to the shelf. It was full of flowers. He didn’t know much about flowers, in all honesty. Keyleth talked about them a lot, but he was usually zoned out or listening to the sound of her voice more than the words she was saying, and even when he was trying his best to pay attention, he didn’t remember half of it anyway. Flowers were romantic. Probably. Vax wasn’t entirely sure about what kinds of flowers, though. He didn’t know the girl at all, or the customs of the city. This wasn’t his kind of flirting, anyway; if he couldn’t talk, sneak, or stab his way out of something, he just avoided it. 

Eventually, he shrugged and turned to leave. If they needed flowers, they could just ask Keyleth. Maybe he should try to listen better. 

“You really oughta listen better, boy,” a gruff voice snapped from the back of the shop. “I said the peonies , not the succulents. You can’t overwater them.” 

“I’m sorry, sir, I thought–”

“If you spent more time here instead of in that library, buried neck-deep in your books, maybe you’d be half competent!”

Library? Vax paused and started making his way towards the voices. Was there a chance this person knew their target?

“I’ve actually been trying to research these plants, I read that this particular type of–”

“I’m not paying you to do research, am I? I’ve been taking care of these…”

Vax tuned out the older man’s ranting and raving about his precious plants and focused his attention on the younger man, the one who allegedly spent too much time in the library researching plants to know not to overwater succulents. He had short white hair and round wire-rimmed glasses, but what caught Vax’s eye was his coat. It was clearly well-made and tailored to its wearer, but it was worn thin and ragged; tears were poorly sewn shut, stains not quite washed away, frayed ends left untended. There was some kind of mark on the buttons. That was the coat of someone who came from money, but if that was the case, why hadn’t the young man taken care of it better? Why was he here trying to hang onto a job he clearly didn’t know how to hold on to? It didn’t seem to Vax like he’d stolen the coat, either; he must be well-educated to be that much of a reader, and the way he held himself–standing perfectly upright and still, almost tense, hands folded behind his back, maintaining a neutral expression–suggested a noble upbringing. 

So what was he doing here?

An idea slowly started forming in Vax’s mind. His mouth tugged up into a grin as he looked the strange young man over. He was relatively tall, and definitely human. And then there was the mystery component, but he had that down. What a weird guy. Not to mention, Vax would be lying if he said the young man wasn’t attractive at all. 

“...and you think you can question me? Just go, you’re fired!”

The young man’s face lost its carefully crafted neutrality for a split second, just long enough for Vax to glimpse something like shock and anger, before the young man gave a passive smile and small bow. Then he turned and walked away quickly. 

Vax hurried to follow him. He trailed the young man three blocks before the young man paused. 

“Is someone there?” The young man’s fists were clenched, but Vax could see them shaking ever so slightly. “Come on, no point in hiding.” 

“Who’s hiding?” Vax stepped into his line of sight, giving a small mock salute. “I’m just out for a walk.” Again, the young man’s composure slipped by just a hair. So he didn’t know he was being followed , Vax surmised. Just a hunch. Cautious, then. Maybe even paranoid. “Nice day out, isn’t it?”

“Who are you and why were you following me?” 

“I’m more interested in who you are,” Vax responded, coming just a bit closer. The young man was so tense, like he was ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. He’d have to be careful. “If I’m not mistaken, you’re out of a job.”

“So you did follow me.”

“Because I have an offer for you.” 

“I’d appreciate it if you minded your own business,” the young man said curtly. 

Vax smiled broadly. “No can do, I’m afraid. We need someone extra for this job. You fit the description perfectly.” 

“That’s hardly comforting.” 

“Well, I’m sure being down on your luck and unemployed would make you feel much better,” Vax shot back. The discomfort that flitted across the young man’s face confirmed his suspicions without a word; for someone trying so hard to stay calm, he was doing a strangely bad job of hiding what he was thinking. 

The young man closed his eyes and gave a long, drawn-out sigh, adjusting his glasses. “Fine. What’s the job?” 

Vax relaxed his posture, trying to put him at ease; it probably wasn’t working, but every little bit counted. “It’s dangerous. I can’t give many details until the others approve.”

“Why me?”

That took longer to answer. Vax had only just met him, there was no way of knowing what would seal the deal versus what would make him run away as fast as possible. As much as he hated the thought, the truth was probably the best option he had. 

So Vax met the young man’s eyes evenly. “Because we need someone as desperate as we are.” 

Something shifted in the young man. Vax couldn’t quite tell what it was, and he was getting ready to keep trying to talk him into it–

Until the young man held out his hand. “I suppose that’s fair. My name’s… Percy.”

Vax took his hand and shook it. “Vax. Welcome aboard.”