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Chapter Text

The sudden brightness filled the room and woke Batman up from his surprisingly pleasant sleep. He used his hand to cover his eyes and made a noise of protest, that immediately met with a quiet chuckle followed by the familiar voice.

"It is past the usual breakfast time, Sir, but I figured that it may be wise to let everyone sleep a bit longer after such an eventful evening yesterday." Like always, Alfred sounded well-rested and happy to welcome a new day, but this time there was also an additional amount of cheerfulness in his tone, and Batman forced himself to open his eyes.

He blinked quickly a few times, waiting for his pupils to adjust to the light, and turned on the pillow, to look at his butler. "Thank you, Alfred. But you could also just knock, instead of trying to blind me."

"Oh, I tried to, but you were sleeping like a corpse, so I let myself in." The air was filled with a rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee and immediately Batman decided that Alfred's act of boldness wasn't worth arguing over.

He sighed and tried to rise to a more proper, sitting position but...

He couldn't move his arm.

And when he turned his head, he noticed the reason for that. A green-haired reason that was lying asleep on his arm and had left a trail of drool on his sleeve in the process. The Joker. His greatest enemy. Sleeping peacefully on his bed. With Alfred standing next to them and pouring hot coffee into two porcelain mugs.

Batman felt his muscles stiffening with tension, as his still partially sleeping mind was suddenly forced to work on a high level to try to remember what had happened and how they had managed to end up in that unusual position.

The game. They had been playing a stupid game in the middle of the night, and then Joker turned up to know Batman's secret identity, and he told him that he liked him, and they were kissing. Oh, god they were kissing. Batman's cheeks turned red at the realization and became even redder when he noticed how the whole situation has to look. They were both disheveled, their legs tangled together under the covers, Joker curled against him like a big kitten, and he flushed with embarrassment. They looked like two teenagers caught by their parent after a night together. A very active night.

"I... We..." Batman looked back at the butler, trying hard to come up with some kind of excuse, but his mind went blank as soon as Joker moved slightly and yawned.

"Good morning" he whispered with a soft, small smile, and still in a bit of a haze, he tilted his head to kiss the vigilante on his lips that were still partially open in the visible intention to speak.

That small gesture of intimacy surprised Batman enough to leave him stunned, but Joker seemed to not anticipate his response and soon he sat in the bed, stretching his arms to quicken blood flow after long hours of laying still. "Do I smell coffee?" He asked and finally opened his acid-green eyes, spotting Alfred immediately. He blinked slowly, visibly surprised, before smiling once again with full confidence. "Good morning to you too. How was your night?"

"Good morning, mister Joker. I had splendid rest last night, thank you. And can assume you two also enjoyed it quite well, even though your bed, apparently, had been not to your liking, since you preferred to join master Bruce in his." The butler's face betrayed his amusement, and Batman felt a strong urge to bury himself under the covers, to hide his shame.

But he didn't do it. He was an adult, for God's sake, and what he was doing during the night and with whom was his own business, and the butler was in no position to judge his life choices. Even the poor ones. Very irresponsible ones. Irresponsible on a level of crazy. Like sleeping with the most wanted, unstable, and mad Clown Prince of Crime.

He pushed himself up on the pillow and reached for the coffee that Alfred had put on a nightstand. It was too hot to drink, but he took a small sip nonetheless, so he could buy more time to think. The denial of whatever had happened during the night was pointless after Joker's casual way of showing him affection like they were boyfriends or something. But were they? Does kissing somebody immediately mean that you're together? But if not, then what was the meaning of all of that? Joker told him that he liked him, and even if Batman haven't said the same out loud yet, it was pretty obvious. Or maybe wasn't? No, it had to be. Joker wouldn't act so happy and comfortable if he hadn't been sure that he was allowed to. But if Batman was in no position to lie, then how could he explain?

"Can I get a coffee too? With lots of milk and sugar, pretty please." Joker smiled in that genuine manner that the vigilante saw so unusually often during those not even full twenty-four hours and after Alfred's not-so-annoyed sign, he soon got his drink. That was when Batman once again noticed two sets of porcelain and light breakfast that accompanied them.

It seemed that the butler had been fully aware of his master's night guest even before he saw them in a bed together this morning (or rather closer to noon). It meant that he had heard Joker stealthy sneaking into Batman's bedroom and hadn't stopped him. What was more, he didn't look very surprised or displeased by the present turn of events and, of course, it could have been just an act - pretending for the sake of being polite and not making a scene in front of a guest, to save the whole speech of disapproval for later, without the witnesses. But even though that wouldn't be something new, this time the vigilante had a feeling that it wasn't the case. Even if his elderly friend made a somewhat disgusted face while destroying perfect coffee with an unholy amount of sugar, he looked pleased seeing Joker enjoying the drink. So maybe there was no need to explain anything at all.

"Since you were enjoying longer rest this morning, I decided to make some necessary adjustments in today's schedule and invited miss and mister Gordon for lunch, so you can eat your breakfast without the hurry," announced Alfred, and Batman once again felt grateful for his butler's control over everything that was easily slipping away from his mid.

It would be too much of a disaster if Barbara came to the manor with Joker still there. Even worse, if her dad saw the criminal casually leaving his bedroom, with him standing in the doorframe dressed only in a robe. His pajama on or not, the older man would conclude, correct or not, and Batman would have nothing to tell in his defense. Bruce Wayne could have a reputation as a playboy, but sleeping with the freaking Joker of all the insane criminals would for sure mean a loss of every amount of respect that ex-commissioner had for him. If he wouldn't end up charged for abetment (thanks to money), his public persona would be destroyed, and maybe, or rather surely, he would be locked down in some asylum for lunatics far away from Gotham (not Arkham - thanks to the money again). His family name would be thrown into the mud, Dick would be back in the orphanage, and it would be the end of Batman. Complete and terrific catastrophe. And it would be all his fault.

"Hello, Earth to the Bat. You look like your gears are overheating." Joker's voice pulled him out of the sea of thoughts, and he blinked a few times before taking another sip of his coffee, into which he had been staring earlier for too long. The hot drink full of caffeine helped him ground himself in the reality once again.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine. Thank you for taking care of things," he said to Alfred that frowned slightly in concern but didn't question his behavior. He had just woken up, after all.

"Yeah, thanks, Alfie." Joker leaned over Batman to grab one of the croissants, but after seeing the butler's frown, he quickly bit the sweet pastry to hold it in his mouth when reaching for the plate to place on his lap and avoid spreading breadcrumbs all over the bed. "This is officially the most delicious breakfast I've ever had!" He announced with awe, after swallowing a big piece. "I'm serious, Bats." He took a sip of his not-actually coffee and smiled with pleasure. "I may consider staying here for a few more days just for all the delicious food your talented dad makes." Batman paused with a cup near his mouth, shocked by how the clown addressed the older man and the statement itself.

"You may consider yourself welcome here anytime, Mr. Joker if you are also willing to persuade this bullhead man to eat with you. Maybe you will be more successful with it than I am."

"You've got yourself a deal, Alf." Joker winked, and that paired with Alfred's pleased smile made the vigilante groan with annoyance. Suddenly, there was a whole alliance against him, and he already knew he was on the losing side, but his pride was telling him to at least try to stand his ground.

"Shouldn't I have a word in this case? I am the owner of this house and I haven't even invited you..."

"Yet," Joker interrupted and pointed at him using the half-eaten pastry. "But I bet you will because otherwise, you would be missing the wonderful and most desirable presence of mine, am I right?"

He could say 'no', and he was ready to. Even if only to take back some control over the whole situation. But even if a short expression of indignation on Joker's face would please him for a moment, he didn't want to make him feel truly unwelcomed. However, it didn't mean that telling the truth and agreeing with the clown's words was an easy thing to do. So he found himself looking into those acid-green eyes filled with both happiness and smugness, trying and failing to come up with any kind of an answer that would sound right. He would probably stay this way until Joker got annoyed by his unresponsiveness, but he was fortunately saved by the door to his bedroom going open and an overjoyed kid jumping onto his bed.

"There's snow everywhere, Dad! Tons of snow!" Dick almost vibrated with excitement, and indeed, when Batman looked through the huge window of his bedroom, he noticed the reason for that blinding whiteness that pulled him out of sleep. "Snow, Dad! Snow!"

"I see?" He turned back to his adopted son again, hoping for some further explanation of the reason behind his overjoyed behavior, but Dick's attention suddenly moved to Joker who just finished his pastry and attempted to steal the second one.

"Oh..." There was a surprise and a bit of confusion in the kid's expression meaning that he just noticed Btman's company... This meant that the vigilante was probably too quick in his previous gratitude towards his sudden appearance. "Did you two sleep together?"

No. There was no way he was having that conversation with his adopted son now or any other time shortly. Hopefully never. He was somewhat ready to face Alfred's teasing comments regarding his unconventional choices in relationships, but he, for sure, wasn't going to explain himself to the kid. Especially not to one so innocent. He looked at his butler with a silent plea for help and met only with poorly concealed amusement and a smirk that indicated 'you're on your own with that' which only added to his growing panic. He had no idea what to say.

Thankfully, he didn't have to say anything before Dick's stare turned into one of pure concern. "Was your nightmare that bad?" Joker raised his brows at the kid's second question and Batman internally sighed with relief. The child was truly too pure for this world.

"What nightmare?" The clown's confusion could quickly blow up the perfect excuse so Batman nudged him with his foot and passed him a conspirational look while almost unnoticeably nodding his head. "Oooh, thaaat nightmare." It was great for their sake that unlike him, Joker seemed to never be out of things to say. Especially when it meant telling complete bullshit. "Yeah, it was super scary. Like Scarecrow toxin scary, which is a lot, because it doesn't work on me, so believe me when I say, I was frightened out of my mind." Joker's cup was put on the empty plate so he could wrap his arms around himself to make a show of how truly scared he was.

"Oh, no! That sounds awful." Dick's face was showing even deeper concern at Joker's theatrical behavior, which looked convincing enough to persuade his gullible mind of a child to believe a lie. "Do you want to talk about it? Dad always says that it helps with realizing that the nightmare was just a nightmare and not something that could happen for real because he's not going to allow it. If he can protect me, he can protect you too, right Dad?"

"Of course, I can. And I will." It was easy to confirm the kid's beliefs because there was no scenario in which Batman could allow anything bad to happen to his family. Not again. And even if the whole topic was mentioned because of a simple excuse, and the Joker was for sure more than capable of defending himself (since they could fight each other without the need for the vigilante to soften his punches), Batman considered him a part of that small circle of people he was ready to defend with his life. People that were even more important than his pride and his dark crusade. More than Gotham City itself. "But I don't think that there's a need right now for him to..."

"That's a wonderfully smart idea, birdie! So..." Of course, Joker couldn't miss any opportunity to make himself the showman on the stage, and Batman rolled his eyes and busied himself with a croissant, while the clown was telling his completely unnecessary made-up-on-the-spot story. "I was in my room, readied myself to go for a Gotham's Pride Parade with Harley and her green girlfriend, and I just finished my wonderful makeup, all sparkles and glitter, and I just needed to put that amazing princess pinky dress that I bought a few weeks ago, and I opened my closet, and..." The clown made a dramatic pause in his too-quick stream of words, and Dick held his breath in anticipation. "All my clothes were black!" His horrified expression made Batman widen his eyes before snorting.

"Is that what you called terrifying?" It was just unbelievable.

However, either Joker was intentionally making fun of him or he truly thought that black clothes were the worst of nightmares because he huffed with indignation. "I have a reputation to maintain, okay? The fact that you look freaking..."

"Language," Alfred interrupted him, but it didn't throw Joker off his thoughts.

"... sexy in your bat black armor, doesn't mean it's a good fashion choice. Honestly, it's a miracle you're on the magazine covers almost every week with how depressing all your clothes are."

"Dad really could use some colors," Dick agreed with the clown, nodding his head slowly, looking concerned. "Maybe you should take him clothes shopping and help?"

"Oh, that's just..."

"Terrible idea. No way. Never," Batman declined the offer immediately, crossing his arms and frowning. There was no way he would agree to allow Joker to change his whole wardrobe. Because that was what it would surely lead to in the end.

"But..."

"No," he said firmly, cutting any further protest from the criminal, and finished his croissant in a bite before smiling to Alfred. "Thank you for the breakfast. Now if you excuse me I'll..."

"Snowman! We're going to build the snowman, right?" The kid was almost jumping on the bed with excitement, and even if that wasn't what Batman had in mind, while looking into Dick's overjoyed eyes, he couldn't bring himself to disappoint him.

Why should he? It was Christmas, and he had no actual responsibilities planned for now. Yes, he had to dress up and maybe drive Joker back to his hideout before Barbara's visit, but there was still time for a little fun.

"Of course," he agreed, causing his adopted son to grin happily.

"Yay! I'll just find my jacked, and I'm ready." In a moment, the kid was out of bed and running, and Batman shook his head with a smile. It would be wonderful if the man had such an amount of energy every time he woke up.

"Then I'll be taking care of the lunch," announced Alfred, putting the empty plates and mugs on the tray. "I wish you an enjoyable time outside. But please, as soon as your gloves will soak through, go back inside. We don't need anyone falling sick during Christmas." It took only one demanding stare from the butler to stop Batman from rolling his eyes and make him nod his head in agreement.

"No flu this winter. Noted." Hearing his assurance, the old man smiled with satisfaction and left, closing the doors behind himself.

"If he the kid wasn't so innocent, I would say he just manipulated you." Joker was looking at Bruce with a tiny smirk of amusement, obviously enjoying his misfortune.

"Like you do?" Batman's glare was meant to be accusatory, but the corners of his lips were still up because Dick's childish behavior and kind nature were something he rarely saw in people. It was telling him that, even despite losing his parents, the kid felt happy and safe living under his care, and he couldn't ask for more. He wished for him to stay innocent as long as it was possible.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't enjoy it." The criminal waved his hand disposingly. "I'm only ever lightly pushing you towards something you secretly want to do but your batty hero duty holds you back from it."

Batman's brow went up, along with his curiosity-tinted doubt. "Example?" As soon as he asked, Joker's expression turned smug.

"Like giving me a proper morning kiss?" He batted his eyelashes, looking at Batman expectantly.

"I didn't..." Even before Bruce could voice out his disagreement, the clown's teasing grin told him what insinuation he missed. "Oh..." Joker chuckled, lightly covering his lips with his hand, which only brought the man's attention to them, and with no one around...

Batman sighed in defeat, his expression turning soft as he took the criminal's hand into his, gently guiding it away from those always red-tinted lips so he could lean forward and give his greatest enemy what they both wanted.

The kiss was short but lovely, tasted like oversweetened coffee and buttery pastries, and as their lips parted, Bruce stayed close, staring into the acid-green eyes filled with so much warm emotions and admiration, he just couldn't look away, yet believe he hadn't noticed them sooner.

"What? Am I such a good kisser your brain stopped?" Joker chuckled lightly and Batman just shook his head before pulling him closer by his waist and briefly kissing his temple.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?" His question made the criminal laugh even more, and he felt slim fingers resting on his chest and wrinkling his pajama shirt.

"Yup, I broke the Batman," the diagnosis was voiced with a clinically serious tone, that lasted as long as Bruce didn't break into laughter himself. "I wasn't aware I could poison someone with my laughing gas Poison Ivy's style." His comment was met with another feat of amusement so he shrugged and grinned. "The side effects are unknown to me so I would suggest you see a specialist, or we could let the experiment proceed and make..." Another brief kiss silenced him, and when Batman moved away to look at him, he tilted his head toward the touch of the palm caressing his cheek. He sighed quietly, closing his eyes and the side of his relaxed, happy expression made Bruse's heart skip a beat.

"I may be crazy, but at least now I know how to make you stop talking," the hero said in a joking manner, and they both smiled in a soft, loving way.

That sweet moment of quiet understanding, when they didn't need words to explain the strength of emotion they felt towards each other, was suddenly broken by the sound of doors opening and quick steps on the wooden floor.

"Why are you not ready yet?" Dick looked at them with crossed arms, pajama pants sticking out of his winter boots, and a red-yellow padded jacket put on his shirt.

Batman felt his cheeks blushing slightly again, but the kid didn't seem more surprised by seeing him and Joker still in bed rather than how close they were to each other. After all, Dick was the one that tried and eventually succeded at making them kiss under the mistletoe last evening. However, even with his adopted son's clear approval of his new relationship, it didn't mean that he felt comfortable openly showing his affection towards the criminal. So he let his hand drop and went out of bed finally, putting on his Batman-themed slippers to avoid the coldness of the wooden floor.

"We're going, we're going," he said, waving his hand at the kid and smiling before turning back to Joker, his hand raised to help him get up. "Let's find you some warm clothes you could borrow."

Chapter Text

With three people involved, it took an hour to finish a snowman - taller than Bruce, with a wide grin made of coal pieces and a pair of pointy bat ears that had needed a bit of extra work before they stopped looking like cat ones. It would probably take even less if they all had kept their focus on the main task, but with the perfectly fluffy and sticky snow laying everywhere, it was impossible for Dick to not get distracted. And Joker only encouraged him to fool around more, by throwing snowballs at Batman's back from time to time or pushing the kid playfully into soft snowdrifts before falling on them himself to make snow angels. Or snow devils, as he found it funny to draw an additional set of horns and a pointy tail to the leftover shinuette.

Seeing the kid playing and laughing along with the childishly behaving criminal was enough for Bruce to not mind cold snow getting under his clothes and the fact that his companions decided to form an alliance against him and start a proper snow fight right after the snowman had been finished. He was a master of martial arts and dodged bullets on a nightly basis, so he managed to keep his position for a while. However, Joker was a worthy opponent alone, and with Robin on his side, the chances weren't in Batman's favor. And it didn't help that the Dark Hero was distracted. His eyes wandered too much, catching glimpses of the clown's cheeks charmingly blushed with cold and red lips stretched in an honest, joyful smile. The warm hat, knitted for Bruce by Alfred out of dark blue wool and paired with a matching long scarf currently wrapped around the criminal's neck, got lost during the fight and Joker's messy curls were shining with snowflakes.

With the criminal taking most of Bruce's attention, Dick had a chance to sneak in close enough to jump on his dad's back and smash his face with snow while pulling him down with his weight. They both fell into a soft pile of white laughing and Batman used his combat skills to free out of the kid's hold just to push him onto the ground and start throwing snow at him. And yet, before he buried him in the snowdrift there was another set of arms around his neck, and in a blink he found himself held down with Joker leaning over him, strong hands pushing on the hero's shoulders and tight pressing onto his legs to prevent him from moving. The cold was quickly getting through Bruce's jacket, his pants were already damp with melted snow and gloves fully soaked through, but he couldn't stop smiling.

"I surrender," he announced, chuckling and not even trying to get out of the hold, because there was no reason for struggle. It was just a game. A childish fun that he hasn't had since... too long of a time.

Joker's grin turned into a fully theatrical yet happy gasp of surprise as he stared at Bruce with proud satisfaction. "No way! The undefeatable Gotham's Dark Knight finally defeated by his greatest, most charming nemesis? I must be dreaming."

"If you let me go, I could punch you to see if it'll wake you up." The suggestion was just a joke, and they both knew it judging by the clown's amused giggle, but the hold on Batman's wrists only tightened.

"No, no, no. You won't get out of it that easily, darling. Not before I get my prize." As he said it, Joker closed the distance so their faces were only centimeters away, and Bruce couldn't stop himself from getting a glance at those tempting, red lips. That was what the clown wanted from him, right? So he tilted his head, closing his eyes, and... The criminal moved away, chucking. "A prize for me, not for you."

Bruce groaned with annoyance, rolling his eyes before giving Joker a disappointed stare. Of course, the clown was just playing with him, and apparently, he wasn't the only one amused by it because he could hear Dick's poorly muffled giggle. "What do you want then? And don't say a pony, because you don't have a space to keep it," he added quickly, causing his 'enemy' to pout with fake dismay.

"Mean. I could just leave it here. You have space."

"Oh, we do!" Of course, the kid decided to join Joker's side as they both were equally mentally immature, and Batman sighed heavily, wondering what he had done to deserve such torment.

"No ponies," Batman decided with a stern tone of voice. "Or dogs, or cats, or any other animals, unless at least one of you will learn what responsibility means." His words resulted in two pouty faces, and Joker frowned, hurt by the world's injustice. Yet soon, he sighed and looked over his shoulder at the kid with curiosity.

"So what should I ask from your boring dad, Birdie? Give me an idea."

Robin put his finger to his lips, tilting his head as he thought it through for a moment until a bright smile appeared on his lips and he clapped his hands. "Oh, I know!" For some reason, Batman had a bad feeling about it. "A date!" That's why. "You should ask for a date. You have never been on one, right? Dates are important."

The proposition made Bruce groan again as he felt himself blushing out of embarrassment and frustration. He should give the kid a ban on his collection of romantic comedies.

"Oh, I love that idea, kiddo. I knew you were the smart one in the duo." Joker looked back at Batman with a happy smirk and too much satisfaction in his acid-green eyes. "So? What do you say on that, Bats?"

"Am I even allowed to have something to say in that?" At this point, he started to believe that anything that didn't involve putting someone in serious danger or risking Alfred's anger wasn't really dependent on his decision as he had no arguments to argue. If he even wanted to, at least out of pride if not his real disapproval. After all, the perspective of spending some time alone with Joker, free of fighting, knives, and explosives did sound nice.

"Nope," Joker only confirmed his thoughts. "I demand a date. With you. Tomorrow evening."

"Fancy dinner with candles", the kid was quick to make another suggestion that made the clown giggle happily.

"You heard your Birdie. Dinner, candles, music, and dancing. And all those pretty, romantic bull... thingies." At least the criminal tried to hold his tongue in front of the child. He looked up for a moment, visibly considering something before his smile grew mischievous. "And a dress."

"What now?" Bruce frowned with confusion.

"A dress, silly Bat. A girl needs to feel special from time to time, so you're going to buy me a pretty dress and matching shoes to dance. I do look fabulous in high heels." Joker's voice was full of confidence and Batman's mind... started to wonder. "Oh, you'll love the sight, I promise." As he was saying that, the clown released one of the hero's hands to touch his burning cheek, causing him to wince at the cold. "So?"

It took a few long seconds before Bruce was able to speak again, his throat dry all of a sudden and he needed to swallow. "Deal." His agreement made the clown squeak joyfully and in the next moment, the weight was gone from his body and Batman was pulled back up by the happy criminal.

Just in time to heard a cough behind his back and turned to meet Alfred's disappointed glare.

"Was I not clear enough about asking you all to be responsible adults and avoid catching a cold?" The elderly man looked between all of them, and Bruce massaged his neck with embarrassment, once again feeling like a kid being scolded by his parent.

Dick smiled shyly with an apologetic expression on his face and only Joker seemed not affected much, as he grinned and gasped happily while noticing his lost hat on the ground. After lifting it, he brushed the snow away and put it back on his head before stepping closer to the butler and putting his arm around the man's shoulders.

"Don't worry, Al. It's just a bit of snow, right? They've survived worse!" The clown's words only made Alfred frown so he slowly backed off, but still smiled as he waved his hand dismissively. "And I'm sure that no cold can stand against your hot chocolate, herbal tea, chimmmken soup, or whatever else you fancy English people use to cure it."

"It's chicken soup," the butler corrected him, yet Joker only shrugged, and after a moment, the man just sighed and looked at the built snowman. "You all did quite a work on it, I presume."

Seeing Alfred's little, but proud smile, the kid jumped to him with a bright expression. "Dad held me up so I could make the ears!" Dick's excitement made the older man chuckle softly and he gently patted the child's head covered with a red wool hat.

"They look remarkable, young master," the praise was spoken in a warm tone and Bruce relaxed, forgetting about the scolding as he exchanged a quick glance with Joker who smiled at him with his thumbs held up and his lips forming silent words "we're safe". "Alright. I think it's enough fun for now. I made a pot of hot tea with ginger, lemon, and honey to warm you up before you have to get ready for lunch," Alfred announced, putting his hand on the kid's back and gently pushing him towards the mansion's entrance.

"Sound's amazing. Thank you." Bruce smiled at the older man, gaining a little nod as an answer, and moved to follow him, but a hold on his hand stopped him.

"Then I'll just get my clothes from yesterday and I'll be going." Joker still looked joyful when their eyes met but he tightened his fingers on Batamn's palm. "Better not let the old commish see me, right? Wouldn't want to get you in trouble with the cops. You have it covered well enough as Batman already." He giggled at his own joke, and the billionaire frowned, not feeling good about letting him leave even though he knew it was something he needed to do eventually. It wasn't like they wouldn't see each other again soon. They both knew where the other had been hiding most of the time after all.

"It may be..."

"It may not be necessary," the butler cut Bruce's words and smirked a bit mischievously at them both, his hands clasped behind his back as they stared at him with confusion. "You're both skilled with makeup and disguise, aren't you?"

"Of course I am!" Joker was quick to agree. "My face is a work of art. Most of the time at least," he added, as he probably just noticed he didn't have his usual makeup on anymore.

"So as much as seeing Bruce Wayne with the most wanted criminal may get a bad kind of attention, him inviting a boyfriend he met at the Christmas party for lunch wouldn't be a surprise to anyone."

Batman needed a moment to get an understanding of what Alfred just proposed, but when he did, he smiled happily and with gratitude. His butler was right if Joker was able to disguise himself well enough to avoid being discovered during the party, he could as well do it again, and since Bruce's vigilante work sometimes required a change of appearance, he should have everything the criminal might need to help him with appearing like someone else. Someone normal. Of course, having an unexpected guest at a planned meeting wasn't something that good manners would approve of but the billionaire was known for breaking the etiquette whenever it suited him so it wouldn't be something unusual. In the worst-case scenario, Barbara would get him a harsh scolding at some point after.

"It may work," he admitted, changing his hold on Joker's hand so their fingers were now tangled with each other and he raised them to his lips to kiss them softly, earning Joker's happy whimper.

"I'll do my best to look dashing!" The clown grinned, yet his expression quickly turned softer and more shy, as he looked away. "If you want to take that risk, that's it. You don't have to. We'll still see each other tomorrow."

"Of course I want to." Bruce's quick answer made the criminal look up, being able to notice the confidence and want in his blue eyes. "If Batman can have a boyfriend, it's only fair for Bruce Wayne to have one too."

Joker gasped joyfully and jumped, almost causing them both to fall down as he hugged the billionaire tightly, his arms around Bruce's neck and cold face pressed to his skin. He could feel the clown smiling. So he put his arm on that skinny back, now covered with a fluffy jack, and pressed the criminal's head closer with his other hand. Just holding him for a moment, before he felt the criminal lessening the hug, just enough to tilt his head, admiration and joy shining in his eyes.

"You'll have to lend me more of your clothes," the clown chuckled.

"I thought you hated them." Bruce was sure of it as Joker's hate for his everything-black closet was apparently strong enough to be included as a part of his made-up nightmare.

"Oh, I do. But I don't have much to choose from, do I? And I'm sure I'll make it work. What you wear matters less than how you do it, darling." The last word sounded almost like a purr, as the clown's voice turned lower and his smile more charming, teasing.

"I can think of a fake name for you, Uncle Joker." The kid's offer turned Bruce's attention away from the criminal lips and he released his hold on him, so they could both face Dick.

"That's sweet of you, Birdie, but I have that covered." As he said it, the clown winked at the child before tugging on Bruce's hand and taking a step forward. "So let's try that for sure delicious tea now, alright? Are we getting biscuits too?"

Alfred smiled at the question and shook his head. "Unfortunately, no. But I did bake fresh gingerbread and lemon cookies." The announcement was enough to make both Joker and Dick squick happily before they all made their way back to the mansion.

Chapter Text

"So... Like what you see?" The Joker's voice made Batman stop mid-motion of putting a plate on the table. He turned around to meet that acid-green stare filled with curiosity.

After getting himself dressed in a white shirt and dark blue sweater with a snowflake pattern, which was a gift from Alfred received during the previous Christmas, Batman had been standing at the door to his guest's bedroom waiting for Joker to finish getting ready but after over a quarter of wasting time, he had decided to occupy his mind with helping his family to set up the table. It busied him enough to get him surprised by the clown's sudden appearance downstairs, his steps dreadfully quiet like always, and the Dark Hero found himself lucky not holding one of the delicate wine glasses as he heard the loud click of porcelain plate hitting the wooden surface after he must have lost the grip on it.

"You're awfully jumpy, Bats. Am I that dashingly looking, or do you still need more sleep?" The criminal's smile had a playful edge when he stepped closer to the man, whose eyes wandered on his slim figure and face, trying to notice all the change almost miraculously caused by the makeup and Joker's skills of a true performer.

The clown's unnaturally pale skin was once again successfully covered by a layer of foundation that, with the addition of shading and adorable blush, didn't look more fake than regular makeup. To further adjust his appearance to the occasion, his bright green hair stayed hidden under an equally curly dark blond wig long enough to be tied with a black ribbon in a short, loose ponytail. His joyful eyes seemed even bigger now with the addition of eyeliner, smoothed by an equally dark eyeshadow to appear messy enough to match his slightly ruffled hair. The dark blue shirt he didn't bother fully buttoning was visibly a few sizes too big, with rolled-up sleeves and one side tugged into the front of tight black pants that he had worn the previous evening. This time, however, there was a shiny belt with a silver buckle wrapped around Joker's waist , and instead of covering his feet with high boots, the clown kept them warm with a pair of Batman-themed socks and fluffy sleepers. He looked like he had just got out of bed and dressed in a hurry, which, judging by the amount of time he had spent dolling himself up, had to be a fully intended result. There was no way the Gordons could make a mistake about the nature of his and Bruce's relationship.

After an initial shock, Batman couldn't stop himself from closing the remaining distance between them to lightly brush the skin of Joker's cheekbone with his fingertips. "Freckles?" His eyes focused on the tiny dots now marking the usually smooth skin.

"If you want me to perform, why not put all I can into it?" The criminal placed his hand on his hip, crooking it slightly in a nonchalant pose matched with flipping off the stray curls away from his face.

"Of course," Batman chuckled with amusement before his eyes moved away, a sudden embarrassment accompanying his words. "They're adorable."

"Oooh... So that's what you like." A proud, mischievous grin appeared on the clown's face and he stepped forward, raising his hand to toy with the collar of Bruce's shirt. "Am I more of your type now? Hmmm?"

"That's not..."

"Uncle Joker? Wow!" Dick's voice cut through the tension and made both men move their attention to the kid that had just come out of the kitchen with a basket filled with slices of freshly baked bread, and now stared at Joker with astonishment all over his face. "You look amazing! Will you teach me how to do makeup? Pleeeease." His enthusiasm and pleading gaze were enough to make the criminal step away from his recent target of teasing only to ruffle the boy's hair with a bright smile.

"Alright, alright. Spare some of that puppy gaze for your dad for when you want to get something from him. I'm the spoiling-my-little-Birdie-to-the-bone-type of an uncle," the clown's advice met with Dick's quick nod before he moved to put the basket on the table.

Six sets of plates, cutlery, and glass stood already prepared for their shared meal, with colorful napkins of a Christmas-themed pattern on the sides and a bouquet of bright red poinsettia in the middle. The tablecloth was white, with an embroidery of green mistletoe at its edges, and the porcelain shone with gold and a pattern of red roses with deep green leaves. It all looked more elegant and expensive than what had been prepared for the casual dinner last evening as it was only proper since, this time, Bruce Wayne known for his taste in fancy was hosting influential guests. Yes, he and Gordons were closer to a family than friends at this point, with the old ex-commissioner holding the role of his father figure, not much less than Alfred, and Barbs being his friend and partner in his vengeful crusade against crime. However, his skillfully crafted social image had to stay maintained, even if only in front of that one person who still didn't know about his secret role as Gotham's masked defender.

As soon as Alfred appeared in the room with a porcelain vase of hot soup on a metal trolley, the melodic sound of a doorbell informed everyone about the arrival of the awaited guests.

"Miss Gordon right on time like always," the butler commented with a warm smile and was ready to leave his current task to invite the guests in but Batman stopped him with a hand gesture.

"Let me get them," he offered, adjusting his collar and making sure his hair was still perfectly styled before he walked out of the dining room to greet his friends.

As soon as he opened the door, the wave of cold from outside made him shiver but his smile was warm as he faced his friends wrapped in winter coats and cotton scarves. Although he could see their car parked outside the mansion, even the short walk painted their cheeks pink. He didn't even manage to greed them properly before Barbara stormed past him, taking off her thick gloves and green woolen hat.

"You better have that huge bonfire of yours lit or, I swear to God, I'll steal every blanket you have here," she threatened casually, taking a seat on the wooden stool to untie her combat boots.

"If you plan on building a fort, invite Dick too or he'll fight you for access to it and, I have to warn you, the kid has all Sun Zi lessons memorized by heart," Bruce answered with a chuckle and closed the door behind them as soon as his other guest walked inside too. "Thank you for taking my invitation, commissioner," he greeted Mr. Gordon before shaking his gloveless hand.

"Ex-commissioner," the older man corrected him, smiling cheerfully. "And don't act surprised if you don't want me to think you have grown bored with my company every year's Christmas already."

"That's not possible, Mr. Gordon. You and your family can feel welcome here anytime, of course," Bruce assured him, getting a step back as Barbara threw her brown old detective-movie-type coat at him.

"Barbs! Mr. Wayne is not your butler." The scolding from her father met only with a shrug and smug smile before she handed Bruce the rest of her winter clothes.

"Oh, I'm sure he's used to serving ladies more than just this way so he doesn't mind, right Bruce?" It wasn't a question despite sounding like one, and the most-known Gotham's bachelor couldn't answer in any other way than nodding with agreement, smiling coyly in a way that she knew was nothing other than fake. Yet, it was convincing enough to make the ex-commissioner laugh and shake his head before squizzing Bruce's shoulder in a comforting manner.

"You rip what you sow, boy," he commented as he took off his outerwear to hang it on the coat hanger next to the one the younger man obediently put away.

"Guilty," Bruce admitted, holding his hands up in a defensive gesture. "And please, call me Bruce." It was too long since he had known the man and looked up to him to demand such courtesy, especially during casual meetings.

"Only if you cut the 'Mr. Gordon' part and call me James too," the man countered him smoothly, fixing his old glasses that got crooked a bit while he had been taking off his hat. "We should be past those formalities by now."

"Old habits die hard, commissioner." They both chuckled at Bruce's response, and he stepped back, showing his guests the way with a wave of hand . "Here, everything should be ready by now."

It wasn't the first time Gotham's most famous millionaire welcomed his friends into his home so the pair knew well where the dining room was, and all three walked in, smiles on their faces as Bruce listened to James's and Barbara's argument about the need to buy a car that doesn't require fifteen minutes scrubbing of its windows and heating up before being ready to be used during winter. There was a calm reasoning behind the young woman's words but for the old man, his car was like another child which he was ready to defend with all his heart.

"In this car, I drove your mum to the hospital when she was giving birth to you so how can you expect me to..."

"Uncle James!" Dick's happy voice stopped the man's words mid-sentence. Immediately, a warm, happy expression appeared on the ex-commissioner face as he looked at the kid running towards him and he opened his arms to hug the boy.

"Hello, Dick. I'm happy to see you too," he greeted the child with the joyful tone of a dad he used to use towards Bruce when the Dark Hero was still just a young, orphaned kid. And just like so many times in the past, he ruffled Dick's hair and placed his arms on the kid's shoulders, looking at him with a smile. "Have you gotten taller since I saw you last time? It's all thanks to Alfred's kitchen, am I right, boy?"

"Almost an inch!" The kid answered with excitement and happily fist-bumped Barbara, who laughed at his enthusiasm.

"Good work, kiddo! You'll be taller than your dad in no time." Her words made Bruce chuckle and shake his head. He was ready to comment on them but he got interrupted.

"If Brucie keeps skipping his meals and sleep, it surely won't take long." Joker walked into the room, holding a metal tray with a teapot, sugar, and slices of lemon on a tiny plate, accompanied by Alfred pushing a wheeled tray with their lunch placed on it.

Both Barbara and James looked at the disguised criminal with surprise and confusion as he got closer and put away all carried things before he stood in front of the guests with a cheerful smile, his hands held behind his back. It took a moment before Bruce coughed awkwardly, gaining back his friends' attention.

"Um... Barbara, James, let me introduce you to..."

"Jack Napier," Joker finished quickly, noticing his partner's hesitation. "I told Brucie that I didn't want to be a bother but he nagged me to stay for lunch, and I have to say, he's verrry persuasive." As he was saying the last part, he glanced at the young man, his smile gaining a bit of a suggestive edge. It only made Bruce's expression even more awkward as he ran away with his eyes, massaging the back of his neck.

"Well... Um... Yes, I asked him to join us. I hope it's not an issue," he made sure to look apologetic as he turned to his guests , and while Barbara's look thrown towards him was of a 'we're gonna talk about this later' type, her dad quickly got his composure back and offered his hand to 'Jack' in a greeting.

"It's your house, Bruce. And you know I'm always happy to make new acquaintances. It's not that easy for someone in my age." The old man smiled politely but Bruce's relief was pushed away by Gordon's followed question. "Is he a recently made friend of yours? I don't remember you mentioning anyone of that name before..."

Jack raised his brow looking at the millionaire with a question in his amused-filled eyes that was more of a dare, and he opened his mouth with a clear intention of causing trouble, but...

"Uncle Jack is my dad's new boyfriend," Dick's words were paired with a happy smile and, for a moment, everyone just looked at him in silence before Joker chuckled and stepped closer to stupified Bruce only to grab his arm and lean his head on the man's shoulder in an affectionate way.

"Oh... I didn't expect..." James stared at them with confusion, clearly shocked but his daughter tugged on his suit jacket's sleeve, turning his attention toward herself.

"Oh, common, Dad." She scowled and rolled her eyes but there was amusement in the slight lift of the corners of her lips. "The whole Gotham knows Bruce Wayne is bi so it's seriously past the time you could be shocked by this. Maybe a boyfriend is going to be able to put up with him longer than those girls he was changing every month."

"Oh, certainly he won't be able to get rid of me that easily," Joker's words were paired with a teasing smile and Bruce was sure he meant it. After how long it took him to finally get the Dark Knight to acknowledge and accept their feelings towards each other, there was no way he would let him go . A least not without another bomb planted in the city.

"I'm afraid I'm the one being held hostage here," Bruce admitted, causing his boyfriend to chuckle at his choice of words.

"I doubt that any hostage would be able to enjoy a two-dishes lunch finished with a dessert." Alfred's comment turned everyone's attention toward the table and plates full of steaming soup. "If you're all finished with the necessary introduction, I suggest taking seats while the meal is still hot."

"On it, Al!" Joker answered with happy enthusiasm and pulled Bruce towards the table. "I just can't wait for another feast of your making," he added, making the old man smile and with the main host seated at the top of the table, he took the place on his left, the kid next to him, leaving the two seats on the right side for the guests.

"It smells divine, Alfred," Barbara stated as she got her plate filled with a smooth-looking soup of orange color with an elegant splash of cream and roasted seeds decorating the center. "What is it? Carrot?"

"It's a pumpkin mousse with a dash of sour cream. I'm aware that we're long past the season, however, the ginger and nutmeg in it should help you all get warmed up faster," the butler explained with a soft smile on his lips as he continued filling up everyone's plates.

"It's so... orange," Joker commented, looking at his plate with great interest as he started making a new pattern out of the cream, creating a few more swirls with his spoon before trying the dish. The taste tore a pleased hum out of him before he smiled brightly. "But it tastes so sweet. I love it! Brucie, I changed my mind. It's your butler I'm going to kidnap and hold hostage, not you."

"Please don't," Bruce argued on the spot.

"Oh, no worries. I'm going to take good care of him. Pinkie promise." The clown nudged his boyfriend's arm with his elbow, looking at him with a playful expression that gained him a sigh and a slightly amused curve on Bruce's lips.

"It's not him I'm worried about," he answered and took a spoon of the soup before glancing at Alfred who took a seat next to Dick. "It really tastes great. Thank you, Alfred."

"Mhm. Delicious," Barbara added, and quickly both her dad and Bruce's son followed with their praise, making the old butler smile warmly before he hurried them to stop talking and focus on eating.

***

"So... What do you do for a living Mr. Napier?" James asked with polite curiosity after Alfred had collected the dirty plates with Dick's help and they were all presented with the second dish of tagliatelle with fresh basil pesto and cherry tomatoes paired with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc (or grape juice for Dick).

Bruce's glance aimed at the criminal was a touch worried but Joker didn't seem even slightly surprised by the question, swallowing the mouthful of pasta before smiling lightly as he waved his hand dismissively. "Nothing important nor rich-kid-like to match this one," he answered, pointing his fork at the millionaire. "I'm a performer."

"Like a theatre actor?" Barbara inquired, eyeing the clown with an amused expression and a raised brow.

"Pfff, no. I'm not that fancy," Joker countered, chuckling softly before taking a sip of wine. "I do stand-up comedy."

"Oh, are you any good?" She asked with interest, making the young man shake his head.

"I'm afraid not." He sighed as he leaned his chin on his palm. "I'm putting my heart and soul into making this city all smiles and rainbow and all I get is the critique and no thanks. Only Brucie likes my jokes even though he pretends not to." With the last statement, he passed the man a teasing smirk like he already expected him to argue.

"Some of them," the billionaire corrected him but didn't decline in entirety which made Joker grin more hapiliy. " As long as no one gets... feels hurt by them."

"Tell us one of those then," Barbara suggested, placing her chin on her tangled fingers as she stared at the clown with an encouraging and amused expression.

"It may not be..."

Joker was quick to shush Bruce with a finger pressed to the man's lips, visibly excited about having an audience like this whole charade with fake identity hadn't been enough of a performance already. He was eager to show off. "So, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum…" A tired-sounding groan made by his partner caused him to giggle. "And I thought it was your favorite one," he commented and waved his hand dismissively. "Alright, I'll tell a different one... Why are bats good at fighting?" The choice of topic made the billionaire sigh but he didn't argue seeing Barbara's smile widen. "Because they are trained in combat!" Joker finished with a grin on his face and while the Mr Gordon's chuckle was more a polite one, the woman's sounded true just like Dick's. "Okay, another one... What did an old bat butler say to the young bat boy when he misbehaved? You better watch your battitude!" This time Alfred joined Barbara and the kid with their amusement, making Bruce roll his eyes.

"One more!" Dick requested with a bright smile and Joker nodded in a happy agreement.

"What was Bruce Wayne’s position on his baseball team?"

"I haven't played baseball..." Bruce commented but he got silenced again with Joker's finger.

"He was the bat boy!"

The joke was met with the kid's loud laughter and Mr. Gordon's confusion but the billionaire didn't feel like laughing, directing his attention on the woman. Worried . If she understood the joke, she could question how Bruce's partner came up with it. He didn't have any excuse ready.

She didn't look back at him , just laughed . Seemingly genuine. "Are all your jokes about bats?" She asked, amusement warming her voice and the criminal grinned as he took a sip of his wine.

"Only the best ones," he answered and placed his glass down, excitement tinting his smile. "And I have more if you..."

"God, no..."

"Slay queen!" Barbara interrupted Bruce's words of protest, raising her glass like a toast for the clown. They both chuckled as the billionaire hid his face in his palms. His scowl contrasted with the cheerful mood of his friends and family.

He let a crazy criminal enter his home and asked him to stay. If he was going to be tortured for the rest of the afternoon, he had only himself to blame.

***

"It was a truly wonderful meal. Thank you for indulging such an old man like me and granting me your time, Mr. Wayne." Mr. Gordon smiled warmly as he spoke, getting up from his chair. "I'm sure you want to spend the evening with your family now so I won't hold you from it any longer. It was a pleasure."

"On my part," Bruce corrected the older man quickly, standing up as well as they finished their meal quite a while ago, the seconds of the cheesecake on Dick's and Joker's plates almost gone. "Are you sure you don't want to stay? I have a fine bottle of Scotch whisky that I'm sure would be to your taste."

"Oh, I would love to but..."

"It's bad for your health, Dad," Barbara pointed out and he sighed, shaking his head in regret but the smile still lingered on his lips.

"You heard my daughter. She keeps reminding me of how old I am," he commented, making her roll her eyes.

"Because someone has to when you keep forgetting about taking care of yourself. If I hadn't applied for your position you would have insisted on staying at work and you should have retired years ago," she stated with conviction, arms folded and her stare demanding.

"I wouldn't be surprised, Miss, if your dad was simply holding the place with you in mind since your first day in the Academy." Alfred joined the discussion, his expression soft as he looked at the young Commissioner, standing up too so he could collect the empty plates and cups. Barbara's father nodded to confirm his suspicion.

"No one else would deserve that position more than my brilliant daughter," he praised her, a hand placed on her shoulder in a gesture of recognition.

She covered his palm with hers, squeezing it gently, a warm love to her father softening her expression and relaxing her posture. "It makes me happy to hear it, Dad. But I won't stop nagging you to take care of yourself. Even if that ends up with you regretting ever agreeing to me following your footsteps," she informed him with amusement clear in her voice. "So no hard alcohol for my dad, Bruce."

"I had to try," the billionaire commented, shrugging his hands in an 'I can't do anything about it' gesture and smiled.

As Bruce stepped away from the table to follow his guests out, Joker rushed to stand up too and join him, joy on his lips as he grabbed his hand on the way, taking on the host's duty along with him. And strangely, the man found out that he didn't mind. It felt right.

"Thanks for the invite again, Bruce," Barbara stated as she sat down to put on her combat boots. "Our plans for tomorrow's evening are still on or..." She looked between him and Joker who stood hugging the billionaire's arm and smirked. "Are you busy?"

He felt a warmth creeping onto his cheeks and coughed, making the criminal chuckle. "Plans stay the same," he answered as however nice and comfortable staying at home was, two nights of a break from his patrols were already too long of a break . He was lucky that no one other than Joker had decided to stir up some trouble so far . It looked like even Gotham's most notorious criminals wanted to enjoy a Christmas break sometime. "Unfortunately work can't be put up on delay forever," he added with a tired sigh fitted to someone who despised responsibility and would rather stay in bed with his partner than go on a business meeting.

"Another one of your 'city safety' projects you need Mr. Wayne's funds for?" The ex-commissioner inquired and his daughter stood up and reached for her coat.

"Something like that, Dad," she answered with a light smile and looked at Joker, her expression turning playful. "Would be a shame if the rich-boy's money would just sit on his account not used, right?"

"Not like he knows what to do with it after all. Have you seen his closet?" The clown frowned and shook his head in disapproval. "The man needs guidance."

"My closet is perfectly well equipped and all the clothes are the highest quality, so no, I don't," Bruce tried to argue but the woman's look that she passed him was screaming doubt.

"Ninety percent of it is black?" The woman asked with a raised brow and when the clown confirmed with a firm nod she sighed and put a hand on his arm. "I have faith in you," she stated in the tone of a colonel sending his subordinate to a life-threatening mission. In the next moment, both she and Joker chuckled and she took a step back to finish dressing up. "I'm glad he has you here now. It's about the time he should let someone past his defenses."

"Oh, you don't even know how hard it was to climb those walls, honey. You'd think he's so smart but he's so clueless," Joker answered in a tired tone, making the discussed man roll his eyes.

"Ha, ha, so funny," he laughed without amusement. "I'm sooo glad you seem to be so in tune."

"Oh, yes, indeed. It was a pleasure to meet in such circumstances comish," the criminal smiled brightly as he looked at Barbara and nodded to her father who just finished putting on his outside clothes. "Ex-comish."

"Yes, unexpected but welcoming," the old man answered with a smile of his own. "And I agree with my daughter. It makes me happy to see Mr. Wayne finally settle. I'm sure his parents would be happy as well."

"They would be." Bruce turned around to see Alfred walking towards them with a paper box which he handed to Barbara. "I packed some of the Christmas cookies and two pieces of cheesecake for you to eat later."

"Oh, you're the best Alfred!" The woman smiled cheerfully and leaned to kiss the butler's cheek, making him smile as well , however , her expression quickly turned mischievous. "I almost forgot... You owe me fifty bucks, old man," she stabbed his chest lightly with her pointy finger , and Alfred sighed before taking out the money from his pocket and passing it to her.

"A gentleman always pays his debts, Miss," he stated calmly yet the slight lift of the corners of his lips betrayed amusement.

Bruce looked between them with a raised brow, curious about what that had been about but before he managed to ask the woman hid the money in her pocket and opened the door, waving him goodbye.

"See you tomorrow, Brucie. If you hurt your precious smiley boyfriend again, I'll kill you," she threatened him with a joyful expression and pulled on her father's arm. The old man chuckled at her unruly behavior and nodded to everyone in the apologetic manner of a parent who sees his child misbehave but knows that he can't do anything about it.

"Have a nice rest of the Christmas season," he wished them quickly before he followed his daughter outside, closing the door behind himself.

"Again?" Bruce asked himself, confusion plain on his face as he looked at Joker. "When have I..." He stumbled on his words and instead of finishing the original question, he glanced at his butler as he asked another. "What was the bet about?"

The old man just smiled and as Joker giggled cheerfully, nodded at him, turning Bruce's attention to the criminal again. "I believe Mr. Joker figured it out."

"Joker?" The billionaire folded his arms and glared at the clown, expecting answers. It didn't lessen his partner's amusement.

"That tone of yours never worked on me, Batsy. Not the way you intended at least," he answered, smiling playfully and making Bruce's ears blush as he understood the innuendo.

"Can you not..."

"The bet was over you," the criminal interrupted him, confusion replacing the other man's annoyance. "They bet on you finally realizing your feelings for me or accepting my confession and agreeing to be with me. Probably on the approximate time of it. Am I right, Alfi?"

Alfred chuckled and nodded in confirmation. "Miss Gordon bet on you two being together by the end of the year," he explained, gaining Joker's little 'Aha!' at having his conclusion confirmed. "I should have known she wouldn't do so without some convincing clues of such an outcome being possible so I'm assuming that the young master Dick must have mentioned to her something about that gift Mr. Joker had planned," he voiced his theory but the information Bruce got didn't ease his confusion.

"Wait... But then... She must have figured you're you!" He pointed out, looking at the criminal who didn't seem phased by it in the slightest . He only shrugged.

"Yeah, duh, batsy-brain," he answered chuckling with amusement. "You're not the only detective in Gotham, you know? And she has a paper to match the title."

"Her father was a detective too. What if he also saw through your disguise? If Bruce Wayne gets arrested..."

"Oh, don't be dramatic, Brucie," Joker stated, stepping closer to his partner so he could press his palms to his cheeks. His voice gained a soothing, warm tone. "Calm down, he hasn't seen through your disguise for years. And he has known you since childhood. There's no way he would think about Bruce Wayne dating the most wanted criminal in Gotham even as a joke."

"He didn't notice who I am because Btaman is the opposite of Bruce Wayne when you... The only change with you is how normal you look now," the billionaire pointed out, still unconvinced.

Joker chuckled softly and moved his hands to the man's broad shoulders and down his well-trained arms. "And I thought I played well not being a homicidal psychopath..." He commented and quickly hushed Bruce with a finger pressed to his lips. "No, don't say I'm not. Just believe me everything is alright. Do you think Alfie would have agreed to the whole charade if he had any doubt about it going well? No, he would not. Your batsy-girl aka current commish has shipped us since the let's-save-the city-together plot and now she's probably going to open a bottle of wine bought with your butler's money. So no, no one will put Bruce Wayne in loony town for dating a psycho. They could for other stuff because, oh boy, you have issues..."

"Agreed," Alfred commented before turning away, most likely to finish cleaning up, not caring about Bruce's offended glare pinned to his back.

"Oh, don't be mad, I love those issues," Joker assured him and kissed his cheek, pacifying any defensive reaction that had built up in his partner.

Bruce looked into those acid-green pools of the criminal's eyes, knowing for certain that there was no way their play-pretend of the most famous Gotham's bachelor and his new, comedian boyfriend could work forever but at the same time lacking any reasonable sounding arguments why wouldn't it if his secret crusade against crime had indeed remained a secret for so long. Joker's acting and makeup skills passed the test and his whole Bat Family was on board with his highly questionable taste in romantic interests. Everything indeed seemed to go alright.

He sighed and smiled, the worry not fully gone but dimmed with trust in his family. Trust in Joker. "It looks like I love your issues too," he answered at least, making the criminal giggle cheerfully. Adorably.

"And that's a whole separate issue of yours, darling," Joker commented between chuckles and Bruce couldn't stop himself from leaning to kiss his always smiling lips. Softly. Lovingly. Making him smile more.

"I can live with this one," he stated after moving away to put some space between them again, his expression warm and happy, matching the affection and amusement in his lover's eyes.

"You better do," the criminal answered, getting a hold of Bruce's hand to tangle their fingers together as they slowly walked further into the house, back to the living room and their family.

Yes, their family as Bruce wanted to make it Joker's as well. They already spent one Christmas together. They would spend the next one like that too. And the next. Together.