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JJ turned off her work computer and started packing her things, all set to go home. She stood up and grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair before opening her drawer to retrieve her gun, badge and credentials, and keys. As she opened it, a small, pink glass item slid with the motion of the drawer opening, stopping right where her keys were placed.
JJ froze for a second before reaching inside, carefully picking the paperweight up to examine it. She ran her thumb over it as the light bouncing off the surface of the object glared back at her. It almost cursed at her for what she did two years ago, and she couldn’t blame herself for that either.
Looking around to see if there was anybody still in the bullpen – thankfully not, JJ sat in her chair and closed her eyes with a deep breath, letting herself drift back to a memory dating back to two years ago.
“Emily?”
Emily turned to look at the person the voice belonged to, who greeted her with a small smile and shoved her hands into her jean pockets out of habit.
“What are you doing here? It’s getting late. Shouldn’t you be heading home?” JJ asked.
Emily blinked once before waving her hand to her desk. “Oh, yeah. I was just cleaning some stuff out.”
JJ frowned and nodded towards the boxes that were already being filled up. “Why are you cleaning out your desk?” Her hands clenched inside her pockets as she quietly swallowed. Emily wasn’t going to do it, right?
“I took an offer from Clyde about running the Interpol office, so…”
“...so you’re leaving,” JJ slowly finished for her, but she nearly refused to make any eye contact with her. And it seemed that the other woman considered that mutual thought.
“Yeah,” was the hushed reply.
JJ looked at the ground to draw out a deep breath, switching her gaze to Emily’s boxes a few more times. The words began to run around her head. She should’ve known the moment she and Spencer heard Emily and Clyde talking on the phone about working at Interpol again.
Letting out a small puff of air, she asked, “Is it something you’re seriously considering?
Emily didn’t know how to answer that. She wanted to stay, she really did, but she also saw how JJ reacted when they heard Will was shot in the bank. The color draining from her cheeks, the frantic rising and falling of her chest as she kicked her way out of Derek’s strong grip and instinctively pushed him away. As she did with Emily when she walked away to cry to herself and Emily tried to be the shoulder to cry on.
And as much as Emily hated to admit it, when she found Will strapped to explosives in the train station, she wanted to be selfish right then and there, and listen to Will’s words to get out of there.
“Find Henry…” she remembered him saying out of breath, eyes closing as he chose to give up. “And tell him and JJ I love them. Take good care of them, Emily.”
This was her chance to get together with JJ and raise Henry with her. She could run out of that train station and watch it blow up to pieces, if she wanted to. But Emily… an honorable agent and loyal friend – JJ’s loyal and best friend, Emily knew better than to do that.
The night after rescuing Will and Henry and reuniting a happy family, there was her sign. Becoming a witness at JJ and Will’s wedding and watching the bright smile appear on her best friend’s face, the words ‘I do’ on her lips, before the couple sealed their vows with a kiss.
Emily couldn’t handle it anymore. She didn’t want to stand in their way of happiness.
Shaking her head of her thoughts and blinking, Emily finally responded with a shrug. “I guess so.”
“What made you decide?” JJ tilted her head as if to read her.
Emily took a deep breath to explain. “I’m not sure I could stay here any longer. Not after what happened three days ago, or well, the past year.”
There was some truth to that answer. She did almost blew up at both the bank and the train station, and she could have died again.
Emily was also struggling to make amends with the team, and JJ couldn’t fault her for that either as she had been a major part of the fiasco, too. There were countless nights Emily had driven over to JJ’s house because of it. JJ would invite her inside and easily become her shoulder to cry on. It was a routine they had developed back in Paris when Doyle plagued Emily’s sleep, soon waking her and finding JJ with open arms, ears, and heart. JJ knew just the right words and ways to bring Emily back to earth. She always did, as it was her job for the six years before moving up to profiler status: comforting people with her naturally soft demeanor. It was one of the things Emily admired about her.
Her visits at JJ’s house always ended up in spilled sobs and supportive, sometimes dangerously longer than necessary, embraces. If it ever got to that point, one of them would excuse herself once a soft southern drawl or the patter of small feet interrupted them.
Emily had to get away from all of that, and JJ understood at that moment. “I’m really going to miss you,” JJ’s voice cracked in a whisper.
The older woman solemnly nodded. “I’m really going to miss you, too.”
JJ opened her arms, and Emily reciprocated by meeting her in the middle, encircling themselves in the shared warmth. JJ instinctively buried her nose into Emily’s shoulder, fingers softly clawing at the back of the other’s shirt. After about three more seconds, Emily started stepping back, but was stopped when she felt arms pulling her to where she was.
“Wait, wait. Just- please, Emily?” JJ murmured into her shoulder, bringing her back in and Emily couldn’t refuse her request.
JJ took this time to revel in this embrace. Breathing in the scent of mahogany and jasmine flowers mixed, JJ hugged Emily’s body tighter, almost as if she were trying to mold themselves together as one. There was no denying they fit perfectly together.
After a few more seconds, they silently began to move back, hands still lingering around each other’s waists. JJ’s eyes darted back and forth between Emily’s eyes and lips. Feeling the burning under her gaze, Emily cleared her throat before finally stepping back and JJ allowed her. Both chose to look away from each other the second time that night.
JJ shoved her hands back into her pockets, close to squirming at the awkwardness she created. “Um… I should leave you to pack,” she quietly said before turning around to walk away.
“JJ, wait.” She froze when she heard Emily’s voice and turned back around. Emily approached her with a small pink-looking object in her hand. “I want you to have this,” she whispered and handed it to JJ. The younger woman carefully held it in her hand and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
It was a paperweight designed as a pink glass heart.
JJ then nodded and ran her thumb over it. She suddenly felt tears pricking her eyes, and glanced away to wipe them away.
“Hey. Shh,” Emily softly said, bringing her into another embrace. “It’s okay,” she murmured, repeating those words a few times to calm her down.
The corners of JJ’s mouth pulled into a tight line as she attempted to stop herself from sobbing into Emily’s shoulder. She didn’t want Emily to leave the team. To leave her. It hurt the first time she had to leave Emily alone in Paris, and JJ sensed that deja vu as Emily was going to do the same thing a year later. As much as she adored the team as her second family, Emily was the person that JJ wholeheartedly trusted her whole life with. It was almost like a piece of her, that Emily-shaped piece of her, would be gone again for who knows how long.
“Please tell me we’ll still talk to each other at least,” JJ tried to joke with a breathy chuckle, although half of that statement was serious.
Emily smiled before pulling away to look at her. “We will. Just let me know and I’ll log on to video chat.”
JJ nodded and wiped the remaining streaks of her tears. “You’re gonna do great, Emily. I believe in you.”
"Thank you.”
JJ opened her eyes and saw the still-empty bullpen. She blinked and leaned further back into her chair with a sigh.
JJ realized now why Emily gave that paperweight heart to her. Emily wasn’t really good with words, or at least knowing how to communicate her feelings properly. She was more of an “actions speak louder than words” type of person. It was funny given how many languages she can speak, which still amazed JJ to no end, but vulnerability, letting someone see her true intentions, the real Emily Prentiss, that was never easy for Emily to do.
Emily was giving her heart to JJ.
It seemed silly to deduce from that, JJ thought. But after what happened early this year with Hastings and Askari coming back into her life, JJ believing what she thought would be her last hours that she would never see her family and friends again, to never see Emily again, only to find her wrists being uncuffed and soft murmurs of ‘it’s okay’ by the person who always knew how to bring her back to earth, JJ had to have known there was a sign for her somewhere in all that.
The realization of JJ’s feelings for Emily hit her harder than she thought. She knew that she had a strong admiration for everything Emily did and appreciated her care, but she could’ve sworn it had intensified by the time she and Emily were in Paris. Alone together in one room, in the acclaimed “City of Love”, where there were so many opportunities for them to satisfy their fantasies, if they wanted to, but they chose to look the other way.
The more JJ thought about it, maybe that was why she and Will were having a hard time maintaining their relationship back then, and probably now more than ever. After some time when the team rescued JJ, Will noticed how withdrawn she seemed and thought to not push her too much into talking because of what happened. One could imagine his surprise when JJ decided they should have some alone time to let him know they were still okay, and that she still loved him.
When she looked down at the paperweight heart in her hands, she thought about why she could never bring this home. She had it kept in a more secure place, one where she could love Emily. It was the same reason she requested to keep Emily’s desk herself after the other woman left. To anybody, it was just some office desk. To JJ, it was still a part of Emily she could hold onto.
JJ did love Will, but she wasn’t in love with him, well, not anymore. She will always be thankful for Henry being in their lives, and Will’s patience and understanding with her, even no matter how many times she pushed everyone away, but she didn’t want to keep up this lie anymore. She couldn’t wait another minute longer.
Two years later…
“Hey,” Emily greeted, raising a bottle of tequila like it was a peace offering. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”
JJ chuckled with a wave of her hand to the spot beside her on the bench. “Not at all. I can’t believe you still have that on you. Is there still some left?”
“Yep!” Grinning, Emily popped the cap open and let JJ grab the neck of the bottle. She watched in amusement as the blonde tossed back the alcohol in three seconds before giving the bottle back to Emily. “Wow, and I thought I needed it for what happened today,” she joked.
JJ smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. You know me and tequila.”
“Oh yeah, I do remember, Miss Table Dancing Queen,” Emily said, feeling a nudge at her side.
“Shut up, that was one time!” JJ blushed, but the two laughed anyway. She sighed, “I missed this.”
Emily hummed. “Me, too.”
JJ’s lips curled into a small smile and she scooted over to lay her head on Emily’s shoulder, smile growing wider when the weight of Emily’s head rested on top of hers. She asked if she could have another swig of the bottle and Emily allowed her before getting it back. Then, JJ let out a shaky exhale and looked at the sky above them.
“Um, can I ask you something, if you don’t mind?” She heard Emily hum a ‘yes’. “You know how you were talking about that nightmare you’ve been having, and you said that I was in it?”
Emily froze before fixing her posture. “Yeah. What about it?”
“Well…” JJ took a deep breath and was wringing her hands together. “Is it crazy and selfish of me to say that it could mean something? You know, not case-related?”
Emily swallowed nervously. She wasn’t implying that… was she? “It’s not crazy or selfish, no,” she carefully responded and moved her head away, not making eye contact with the other woman and focusing on the label of the tequila bottle.
“Is it alright if I ask what happened exactly in that dream, or is that too soon?” JJ asked, not wanting to push her boundaries any further if Emily wasn’t comfortable.
“No! No, I mean, it’s okay. Dave’s been telling me to surrender to it, so I figured I can talk about it now that we caught the guy,” Emily assured and fully faced her again. JJ nodded for her to go ahead.
“I started the case about two years ago, uh, some time after I got back to London. We were building profiles and having to start from scratch over and over again, until we were sure of something, and you know what happened…” Emily frowned, absentmindedly playing with the bottle. “But I’ve had similar dreams to that. I guess that it became all too real the moment I saw and heard you calling for my help. It became a fear of mine and I didn’t realize it.”
JJ furrowed her eyebrows. “What is?”
Emily exhaled and looked into pleading blue eyes, making her lose all resolve right there. “That if something ever happened to you, you’ll be mad at me if I didn’t save you in time,” she confessed, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.
She blinked and let out another small breath. A hand softly cupped her cheek, causing her to meet JJ’s eyes once again. Her eyes never switched to pity or disappointment, but instead, only grew more in sympathy and what she could’ve sworn was relief and adoration.
JJ brushed her thumb under Emily’s eye to wipe away her tears. Her heart swelled at the thought that Emily truly cared so much about her that she was willing to risk everything to make sure JJ was alive.
“I thought that after four years, I’d be over this,” Emily continued, allowing JJ’s hand to stay where it was. “I thought that I would be able to-”
“Forget me?” JJ finished.
“Yeah,” she whispered. “But when I got that call from Hotch the first time, I thought I wasn’t going to make it and-” Emily shook her head as she quietly cried again. “I couldn’t imagine what would happen to you, if I didn’t.”
JJ immediately pulled her into her arms, feeling Emily’s shoulders shake as she cried. The older woman had worried about her all this time, and she didn’t know how much it affected Emily if she got hurt. She would reason it to be that they were close friends, but seeing how Emily always considered her feelings before her own every time JJ wasn’t alright and was the first to defend JJ when someone tried to take her down, it calmed all of JJ’s doubts about her feelings for Emily.
“Emily,” she whispered, cupping her face with both hands this time. “I just- I’m not going to be mad at you. I never will.”
Emily blinked through tears and focused on JJ, flitting down to her lips and back to her eyes. “You’re not?”
JJ shook her head and brushed her thumbs across her cheeks again. “Um, do you remember that paperweight heart you gave me before you left?”
Emily frowned, not understanding why she was telling her this, but she nodded anyway.
“I kept it with me. For the past four years.” JJ drew in another breath, deciding it was now or never. “I know it’s all sudden, but I think I figured out why you gave it to me.”
Slowly raising her eyebrows, Emily motioned for her to continue.
“I thought all this time, it was all in my head,” she quietly said. “That you never felt the same way about me.”
Emily sniffled. “Yeah?”
JJ nodded and let out a sad chuckle. “You saved me more times than I can count, and I don’t think I ever thanked you enough for that.”
“You don’t have to,” Emily softly replied. “I already know.”
The younger woman shook her head. “I don’t think you do.” She smiled and a single tear fell on her own cheek. “You have been nothing but amazing, kind, and selfless, Emily. I know… I know that I’ve made my bed and lied in it for seven years before putting an end to it.”
Emily’s eyes widened. JJ hadn’t told her about Will. Did everyone else know before her or did JJ keep it hidden from the team as well? JJ sensed this and nodded in confirmation. “I didn’t want to keep living a lie anymore. I mean, I still care for him, but it’s just not the same anymore.”
“What about Henry?”
JJ smiled. “We worked something out. Besides, the little guy’s been missing his favorite Emily and her cuddles,” she added, hearing the beautiful sound that was Emily’s laugh. “So, what do you say? Would you give us a shot?”
Placing the tequila bottle down on the ground, Emily’s mouth curved upwards in response. She brought the other woman’s face closer and brushed their noses together. JJ closed her eyes, taking in Emily’s oxygen to prepare herself for what was about to come. Tilting her head slightly, JJ finally met her in the middle.
Emily encircled her arms around JJ’s waist while the blonde’s right hand managed to find its way to thread through Emily’s soft hair. Pulling on her hair just a little caused her gasp before JJ was able to sneak her tongue inside her mouth. Emily started feeling lightheaded after some time, so she moved her head back, prompting JJ to follow her mouth.
“I think we should continue this somewhere other than the bench outside of a Mexican restaurant,” she joked, catching the light pink painted on JJ’s cheeks just now.
“Maybe you’re right,” JJ murmured as she nipped at Emily’s bottom lip and placed a small kiss on her cheek.
Emily could’ve sworn JJ was pulling at the hem of her blouse, too, and she rolled her eyes before playfully pushing her away. “Don’t tell me it’s the tequila talking,” she narrowed her eyes.
Shrugging, JJ continued playing with her blouse. “More or less. But you’re right, we should get going. I’m starting to freeze out here.”
Emily snorted. “If I remembered right, you sat out here first.”
“And I’m pretty sure you’re the one who decided to join me,” JJ flashed her a knowing smile. “So we’re both at fault here.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Emily said, picking up the bottle in one hand and extending the other out to the person beside her, which was easily accepted.
Then, JJ stopped all of a sudden. “Hey, um… thanks. For everything.”
Emily nodded and squeezed her hand in assurance. “Anytime.”
