Chapter Text
This wasn’t her first battlefield.
Not by a long shot.
She’d seen enough bloodshed in the war to last a lifetime; knew the depravity that could be unleashed, all too familiar with the smells and sounds of death. Lives had ended at her hands, countless soldiers slain in her path, enough to haunt her in the night no matter what they had done to warrant her wrath. She'd played the perverted games of war before, the delicate, deadly chess of it all.
This was the first battle she had lost.
Blood.
There was so much blood.
The small clearing in the Illyrian steppes was marred with it, smeared on the trees, staining the ground, trailing up her hands- pooling around her.
They had left her there to die.
She wasn’t entirely against the idea.
Something deep inside of her begged and pleaded to hold on, forced her to struggle to remove the poison laced arrow from her leg, gave her the strength to keep breathing even as her chest felt like a boulder rested on top of it. She coughed, blood leaking from her lips to join the growing pool around her.
How bad could it be to die?
What could be the point of living if she could never see anyone she loved again?
Her eyes found her arm, tracing the outlines of the invisible bargain there. A blood bargain, stronger than any other, unbreakable and outlasting for even the most powerful fae. She’d die if she went back on her word, and the devil she’d made the deal with would be free to do as he pleased.
Visions of her family flashed in her mind, those she had sworn to protect at all costs. Her life was the only thing keeping them safe, her sacrifice. She should have known he’d find a loophole. Revealing her location was a betrayal beyond what she thought even her father was capable of. His own flesh and blood, murdered at his hands.
His mate.
Her mother.
Lying dead a few yards away from where she writhed in pain.
She wouldn’t dare to look again. They had made her watch as her mother was murdered, forced her eyes open to watch the torture. The crunch of bone as her mother’s wings- those beautiful Illyrian wings she’d always been so proud of- ripped from the woman’s back. The screams, begging to save her daughter’s life turned into incoherent cries of pain.
Leuruna couldn’t imagine that her father had expected his mate to be with her. Then again, she wasn't so sure she could put anything past him anymore. Her mother was supposed to have been waiting for her at the camp, preparing for her brother’s visit. If only she had been more adamant that the woman go earlier, made up some lie- some excuse, anything. She’d known something was coming, felt it in her bones, shadows whispering in her ear. It was her final day before the bargain would take place. She’d planned a way to fake her death meticulously with her father a week ago. Today was to be her final day, spent in that cozy cabin she’d grown up in. Her family was all coming to visit, all together for one last time.
Even if they wouldn’t have known it.
Some bitter part of her wasn’t surprised that her father would not allow her even that one final moment.
She’d known better, and she had been selfish. Clinging to her mother in her final day, she conceded when the woman decided to come with her. Her mother had been so excited to see Rhysand.
Even thinking her brother’s name was like a knife to the chest.
How she would miss him…
Her hero, she mused, her strength. She’d always known the Cauldron had blessed her to have him, always looking out for her, always so loving.
She wondered if her death would make him bitter. No matter if her heart continued to beat or not, in Rhys’ story- his sister died in this bloodstained meadow on this day.
An image of her father’s cruel face flashed in her mind, hateful and unyielding.
No.
Rhys would never.
Still, she looked up at the stars and wished for her brother to stay the same man she knew when he found their bodies.
As if laughing at her, the starts twinkled.
An impossible wish, and they both knew it.
She writhed in pain, desperately willing her magic to return. Even just a whisper of shadow and she could do something, anything. She could winnow somewhere, find a healer to keep her breathing. Her family would be spared so long as she kept her heart beating. The unrelenting binds of the faebane didn’t let up.
Please
Please
I need to live
She closed her eyes and conjured images of their faces in her mind. Holding on to hope, she let the love she felt for them tie her to this world.
Rhysand, her strong big brother. Charismatic, willing to go to the ends of the earth for those he held dear. She’d miss his laughter, his constant teasing, his heart of gold.
Mor, her beautiful cousin. Both inside and out, she was the best of them. Loyal, unwilling to allow the hell she’d been born into keep her chained. She wished she could have told Mor how much she adored her strength.
Cassian, the only person who could make her laugh until she cried. Her trainer. Her friend. Protective, always seeming to know exactly what she needed. A shoulder to cry on, a body to fight, he was anything and everything. She knew he’d never see himself that way, always convinced he was the undeserving bastard. She wished she could have had time to beat the idea out of his head.
Tamlin, the youngest prince of the spring court. So promising in his power, so at odds with his own morals and those being shoved down his throat by his father and brothers. Loyal to a fault, a friend in the truest sense and more when he needed to be. He understood her in a way nobody else could, knew what it felt like to be mated to someone he could not have. He knew what it felt like to have your soul crawl its way towards someone, no matter how much you begged for it to stay. All those nights spent distracting one another from the pain, all those years spent in a mutual understanding.
Had he known what happened here today?
She couldn’t bear it, couldn’t think of it. Instead, she focused on her family again. With her mother gone, it only left her with one other. Azriel.
Her partner in crime.
Her best friend.
Her mate.
Why didn’t I tell him?
I should have told him.
He deserved to know.
Shadows personified, the other half of her soul. So many years spent with so many unspoken words between them.
He’ll only know when the bond breaks.
If her heart stopped beating, she was damning him to an eternity of knowing his mate died.
Kind, sweet Azriel, who had endured so much, seen the worst of what the world has to offer, suffered with silent pain from the moment he was born, damned because she was too stupid to see this coming.
If it wasn’t so horrible, if she wasn’t dying next to their mother’s broken body, she could have imagined Rhys laughing at her.
It was so obvious Leur, He’d smirk, it’s so you to trust in the best of people.
She reached out for the bond, feeling the invisible string tying her to Az. Golden and pure, incorruptible. No matter how much her father hated it, no matter what he did or said, it was the one thing he couldn’t take away from her.
Even he wasn’t strong enough to snap a mating bond.
Still, she couldn’t stop her mind from imagining the look on his face. Azriel, cloaked in shadows, lit with those beautiful blue siphons, his face crumbling in pain as he realized the existence of the bond and felt it shatter all in the same moment.
I cant die
I cant die
I need to live
I can’t do this to him
I can’t leave him
Even if she lived, she was already gone.
Still, she couldn’t bear the thought. She knew him, knew his mind. She knew feeling the bond snap would be the final blow. He’d always felt so unworthy, intrinsically undeserving. If she died, he’d see it as proof that he was right to feel that way about himself.
And he was so wrong.
She had so much left to say to him, so many promises she wished she’d made, so many secrets left to tell. But the pain, it was all consuming. Her wings a shredded mess at her back, her body littered with slashes leaking her blood. She was sure both of her arms were shattered, if she was lucky her legs were only broken. Trapped in her own body, she could barely muster the strength to moan weakly.
Please
It can’t be over
Please
She should have told him. She should have ran straight into his arms the second the mating bond snapped into place, to hell with whatever anyone else thought. She should have handed her heart over without a second thought. How silly all of her insecurities and fears seemed now. Now, she’d abandon him. She’d drag him down to the pits of hell with her.
Unless-
No
Unless he was illusioned.
It could work. It would work. She reached out for her power, feeling only the tiniest whisper on the tips of her fingers.
She’d need more.
A hell of a lot more.
Longer. I need to hold on longer.
Please, let me stay a few moments longer.
She could bind him to someone else, distract his mind from the snap of their bond, reroute all of those instincts.
The same instincts that screamed at her to stop as she focused her power. Like a beast inside of her, clawing at the iron bars that held it captive, rabid at the thought of her mate with another.
But what was the other option?
Her heart was slowing in her chest, struggling to beat whatever blood remained in her body. She could barely force herself to keep breathing, no matter her will. Her death was inevitable, her exile was inescapable. All she had ever wanted to do was spare Azriel from any more pain.
So she did.
She took as deep of a breath as she could manage, filling her lungs with the crisp midnight air. Willing her power down the bond, she felt the familiar barriers of her mate’s mind. For a moment, she paused.
She allowed herself one second.
One final second.
To memorize him.
She sent as much love as she dared, hoping he wouldn’t feel it, praying he wouldn’t link it to her. But just for that one second, she let herself love him. She’d be his, even in death, even if he never knew. And for that one moment, it almost felt like enough.
And then it was over.
She grabbed onto the bond, focusing on its every detail as she mimicked it. She tied one end to Azriel, the other reaching blindly for her, for the truth.
But she pushed it away, using everything she had to link that defiant end with someone else. The first woman she could think of, the only person she’d trust with her mate’s heart.
Morrigan.
As if it knew that her work was finished, her heart sputtered to a stop. She let out that breath she was holding, her body finally succumbing.
But she couldn’t let go.
She clung onto that bond, willing it to hold tight. She thought of her family, of Rhysand and Mor and Cassian and Tamlin-and it was as if she could cling to them. Like bonds tying her to them, she willed herself to stay.
I don’t want to go
Don’t make me go
She hadn’t seen the moment Tamlin winnowed to that small clearing. She hadn’t seen the shock on his face, the horror as he witnessed what had been done to her. She didn’t see the way he fell to his knees, holding her broken body, tears falling down his cheeks. She didn’t hear his screams, his begging, his panic. She never felt him try to save her, never felt his breath fill her lungs or his hands pushing on her chest to beat her heart.
Leur
Please
Come back
I’m so sorry
I didn’t know
Please
I’m so sorry
I’m so fucking sorry
Leur please
Don’t go
She was lost in the darkness, or perhaps she was the darkness. She didn’t know. All she could do was cling to them. Like a mantra in her head, she repeated their names over and over. She begged to stay, begged for something, anything. She thought of all the love in her heart, all the joy and goodness and everything they were to her, and she clung.
She didn’t know when Tamlin gathered her in his arms, winnowing them to a place that nobody knew of save for a few of the high lords who were forbidden to speak of it. And Tamlin, so cunning, so smart, placed her battered and bruised body into a pool of starlight.
Except it wasn’t a pool at all.
It was a portal.
And on the other side, an entire other world existed. On the other side, perhaps there was a power that could save her, on the other side, she would be reborn.
He prayed, he hoped, and he watched as she sunk into the depths of it. His father had said it only activated at night, when the visible stars could connect with it. As the first whispers of dawn began in to brighten the sky, he prayed it would take her.
Save her
Please
Save her
He screamed to the sky, as if the mother could hear him. If she’s grant him this one thing, he swore he’d spend the rest of his life in her service.
She never knew that when he looked back down, she was gone.
Rhysand.
Cassian.
Mor.
Tamlin.
Azriel.
Rhys.
Mor.
Cassian.
Tamlin.
Azriel.
Rhysand.
Azriel.
Rhys.
Az.
Mor.
Cass.
Rhys.
Azriel.
Rhys.
Azriel.
Azriel.
Azriel.
Somewhere in the universe, violet eyes shot open and she gasped for breath.