Chapter Text
Once upon a time in the fantastical city of Baldur’s Gate, Astarion the vampire spawn found himself in an unexpected predicament. Through a strange portal, he was transported to a new realm quite unlike anything he had ever seen before. Astarion, accustomed to the dark and dangerous alleys of Baldur’s Gate, found himself surrounded by vibrant colors, towering shelves, and larger than life furniture.
“What in the hells…” he muttered, looking around frantically at the strange new environment. Everything was so large. What looked like a massive chest sat at the foot of an enormous bed, overflowing with colorful objects. The walls loomed over his head, a bright blue sprinkled with yellow stars.
Suddenly, booming footsteps sounded from outside the door, and Astarion dove under the bed, not wanting to take any chances with whatever beings might lurk here. He watched with barely concealed horror as feet that could only belong to a giant ran by the bed to the desk, shuffled a bit as the giant must’ve been looking for something, and then ran back out.
As soon as the door closed, Astarion let out the breath he was holding.
“Who are you?” a voice squeaks from behind him suddenly.
Astarion jumped so hard he hit his head on the underside of the bed. Letting out a string of curses, he whirled around, grasping for daggers that were no longer there. Before him was… a bird? It was unlike any he had ever seen, but it had a beak and arms that could pass as some sort of wings. But the oddest thing about it was its appearance. It looked like a children’s toy.
“A new toy?” another voice piped up from the shadows, and Astarion watched in shock as what was CLEARLY a doll talked to him. Talked to him.
He was going mad. He had absolutely lost his mind.
His mouth moved, but no words came out.
“He’s unlike any toy I’ve ever seen,” the bird wheezed, waddling closer.
“Stay back,” Astarion managed to say, holding out his hands. It was a dream. It had to be. Why else would he be caught without his weapons in a giant’s strange, colorful land?
“What’s your name?” the doll said, tilting her stuffed head.
Astarion didn’t respond, instead taking some careful steps back, watching them carefully. His eyes widened as more strange creatures emerged, each and every one of them looking like toys.
“Where am I?” he demanded. “You,” he said, pointing towards the one that looked like a lizard. “Tell me where I am. Now.”
“You’re in Andy’s room!” the lizard said, waving his minuscule arms excitedly. “You’re one of Andy’s new toys!”
“Excuse me? I belong to no one,” he seethed, glaring at the ridiculous looking creature.
“Well maybe you ended up here by mistake,” the bird squeaked. “Everyone else here is Andy’s. And if you don’t belong to Andy…”
“I do not.”
“Then we gotta get you out of here. Some kid is missing their toy!”
“Well, yes, we do have to get me out of here,” Astarion said, annoyance clear in his voice. “But once more, I belong to no one.”
“You don’t have a kid??” the lizard said, looking incredulous. “Everyone has a kid. Especially a toy in as good condition as you! You look like you’ve never been played with before!”
Astarion scoffed to himself. These fools thought he was one of them. But perhaps he could use that to his advantage…
“Yes. I am a… free roaming toy,” he said, sweeping his arms out in a grand gesture. “I belong to no one and I am bound by no rules. Which is why I need to get out of here.”
“Well we can help you,” the bird said. “We’ve opened the window before.”
“I’m afraid it’s not quite that simple,” Astarion lamented, putting on a show of dramatics. “Where I come from, it’s a different world entirely. Grand buildings, bustling streets, beautiful…” he trailed off, looking into the eyes of the creatures in front of him. “Beautiful dolls, dashing toy soldiers. It’s my home.”
“You’re not gonna stay with us?” the doll said sadly, her stitched on mouth somehow curving into a frown.
“I’m afraid not, my dear,” he said, returning her frown. “I must return home to the ci… room of Baldur’s Gate.”
The lizard walked closer, his small hands barely reaching together. “Are you sure? Andy’s really nice! He always plays with us. You’ll never be lonely!”
Astarion barked a laugh. “I’m never lonely in Baldur’s Gate, lizard. Now, do any of you know how to open a portal?”
“Lizard? I’m a t-rex!” the lizard said, spreading his arms and letting out… a roar? It was pathetic, if Astarion was being honest. He raised an eyebrow, and the lizard- no, t-rex- sighed.
“I’m still practicing. My name is Rex,” they said, wringing their hands together.
“And I’m Dolly,” the doll said. A bit on the nose.
“And I’m Wheezy!” the small bird said, flapping their stubby wings.
“And I’m Astarion.” He bowed, relieved to see the toys would be easy to deal with. It would have been quite the predicament if he found creatures unwilling to help, but these strange beings seemed all to eager to assist a total stranger. Excellent.
“A-star-een,” Rex said excitedly. “Do you know Buzz??”
“… Who?”
“Buzz Lightyear! He’s a space ranger, he came from the stars!”
“No no, it’s Astarion,” he corrected. “Not ‘a-star-een,’ Astarion.”
“Astareen?”
“Gods,” he muttered, pinching his nose. “A-star-i-on.”
“Astarion,” Wheezy said, looking up at him.
“Yes!” he said, waving toward the bird. “At least one of you gets it.”
“Well Star-boy, we don’t know anything about portals or other worlds, but there’s someone here who does!” Rex said, arms waving. Did they ever stop?
Trying not to growl at the terrible nickname, Astarion turned to Rex. “Excellent. And where would we find them?”
“We can’t until morning!” Dolly chimed in, stubby arms folding inward. “They’re one of the yard toys, and if Andy finds us missing…”
“She’s right,” Wheezy said. “We have to wait until Andy goes to summer camp tomorrow, so we have plenty of time to leave and be back so he doesn’t notice our absence.”
“I don’t have time to wait,” Astarion said, crossing his arms. “I need to get back. This is important.”
“And we want to help,” Wheezy said, waddling closer, arm extended. “We just can’t until morning. But don’t worry, the night will pass before you know it! It’s almost bedtime anyway.”
Astarion sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as he contemplated his options. He could waste the hours away under the bed waiting for this Andy to sleep, wake up, and leave… or he could go and try to find this ‘yard toy’ himself.
“How do I find the yard toy?” he asked, looking at the three toys before him.
“You’ll need to get the window open,” Dolly said. “It’s not easy to do.”
“Buzz did it once!” Rex exclaimed. “Buzz can help us do it again!”
This Buzz must be a hero of some sort. Either that or the lizard was out of his mind.
Probably the latter, but best to pretend otherwise.
“And this Buzz, where do we find him?”
“Oh! Well… He’s not here.”
“I hope you mean under the bed.”
“No, he’s… he’s gone. He went to save Woody,” Wheezy said, looking towards the other toys. “We’re very worried about them. We actually thought you might have come with information about them.”
“I’ve never even stepped foot in this world before today,” Astarion said, his arms still crossed. “When will Buzz return?”
“We have no idea!” Rex said, looking worried. “It could be days, weeks, MONTHS!! Oh, I’m gonna panic!!”
“Rex, it’s okay, Buzz and Woody can take care of themselves,” Dolly said, trying to calm down the lizard, who was now pacing under the bed, kicking up a small amount of dust.
Astarion tried not to panic himself. Not only was he in a new realm, alone, but the one person he needs to get to the OTHER person isn’t even here?
“Is there anyone else,” he began, still outwardly composed, “that can get the damned window open?”
Wheezy looked back to the pale elf. “We’ll figure it out. We just can’t until morning.”
Footsteps sounded again from outside the door, and the toys all looked.
“Andy’s coming!” Dolly squeaked.
And then they all collapsed.
Astarion gawked, confused.
“Get on the ground,” Wheezy whispered, urgently. “NOW!”