Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Flectere Si Nequeo Superos, Acheronta Movebo
(If I Cannot Bend The Will Of Heaven, I Shall Move Hell)

You didn’t know what exactly Headmistress Miranda was dealing with in her personal life, but you did believe that whatever it was, it was contributing to her taking her barely concealed anger out on you at every single opportunity. You were sure that whatever it was, it convinced her to blackmail you into being her assistant and into torturing you because why else would she hire you and speak to you with contempt lining the undertones of her voice?

You were beginning to wish that you went anywhere but the library that day, but you needed the book for the assignment and the book wasn’t even there. You wanted to blame Angie, but at the same time, wasn’t it the responsibility of the school to make sure the right textbooks were supplied for the students anyway?

You tried to shake yourself out of your thoughts. You knew deep down that there was no point in thinking more about the situation because it was only going to make you more frustrated, and if you showed up with frustration to work with Headmistress Miranda, she was definitely going to see it and stab at it with a very sharp, metaphorical knife.

You made sure to make your face as neutral as you could as you turned down the hallway towards her office, with her insane coffee order in hand. And you made sure to be half an hour early because you sure as hell weren’t going to let her use your tardiness against you.

You saw her door open in the distance and you could already feel your blood pressure spiking at the thought of her simply stepping out to announce to you that you are late again, even though you made sure not to be, but it wasn’t her that stepped out.

It was the student council president, Bela Dimitrescu. She had a grim look on her beautiful face, no doubt because of the Headmistress. When her eyes landed on you, the grimness faded and was replaced by a look that you couldn’t fully understand. And this wasn’t the first time you’ve seen her give you this look. That day when you got the email about the assignment, you got a little lost wandering about the campus and you ended up at the club fair, the place you wanted to be at but couldn’t be, because of said assignment. In your rising haste and exasperation, you tripped over your own feet and fell onto the ground right in front of the student council table. You heard the snickering, but did your best to ignore it and you reassured the two kind students that asked you about your well-being that you were okay.

Then she, Bela, approached you. She asked you if you were okay, and when you looked up at her to reply that you were just fine, you felt the words die in your throat. She was looking at you in a way that made your heart constrict painfully and you felt a strange, phantom sensation that this would be a moment where you reached out to her, hold her hand gently but firmly, and reassure her of… something. But you stamped down the odd urge and thoughts successfully. You knew you were simply strangers to each other. You managed to get the words out, that you were fine, and then as you were about to leave, she asked you if you were interested in joining the student council and introduced herself as its president. You paused and told her that you weren’t interested at this time, which wasn’t exactly true, but you needed to get to the library and you needed to finish the assignment before tomorrow. She looked slightly disappointed and you couldn’t help but get the feeling that she was trying to have more of your attention and time. Then you decided to kick those thoughts out into the abyss, because there was no way a goddess like her would look at you in that way anyway and she definitely didn’t seem like the type to want someone to try and woo her when she had things to do and places to be.

But you figured that friendship was probably still on the table, and if not that, then maybe just a tentative acquaintanceship. And then you remembered that you were lost on your quest in finding the library. You quickly apologized to her and then told her about your situation. Her disappointment was replaced by amusement and she gave you the directions to finally succeed in your quest. You thanked her and went to follow exactly what she told you. And when you felt like you were faraway enough, you decided to sneak a look back at her, hoping to just see her in action. But she was still looking at you. Your eyes widened in surprise and you felt your heart jump in your chest and start beating faster. You looked back at her for a little while longer before turning away first, entering through the doors, and clutching at your heart as you did so. Surely, it couldn’t be you she was looking at. And why was your heart reacting like this towards her?

“—okay?”

Bela was in front of you now, asking you a question that you did not catch because you were too wrapped in your thoughts about how she’d been looking at you and how it affected your heart’s rhythm.

You looked up at her and saw her concerned face, “Sorry Bela, I was just thinking about some things. Can you repeat what you said?”

As she was about to repeat her question again, Headmistress Miranda’s voice cut through the air like a jagged knife.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be, student council president? Instead of holding up my assistant?”

You looked around Bela and you saw Headmistress Miranda currently standing outside of her office, watching you both like an extremely observant hawk. You felt your anger surge up into your throat, but you forced yourself to swallow it down. You looked back up at Bela and this was the first time where you saw a rage of fire swirling in her eyes. You were sure that she could eventually burn a hole through the floor, with the way she was glaring at it.

She didn’t turn around to face Headmistress Miranda, but she responded in a neutral tone that you also hoped you could imitate, “My apologies, Headmistress Miranda, I’ll be on my way.” She looked at you and the rage you saw earlier softened a bit, the fire becoming more of a candlelit glow. Your heart throbbed at the look in her eye and you had to fight the urge to clutch at your chest over your heart.

“I’ll see you around, okay?” she whispered to you.

You blinked up at her and quickly whispered back, “Okay.” Then you were both walking away from each other, her towards whatever student council presidents do, and you to your doom, because Headmistress Miranda didn’t look happy with you at all. You felt as if she wanted to rip some throats out, your throat probably being one of them.

As soon as you entered her office and closed the door behind you, you felt her question slapping you in the face as if she had actually hit you.

“What were you two whispering about?” She asked, glaring at you. A part of you thought she could restore the melting icecaps with a glare that cold.

“Nothing!” You couldn't help but let your voice rise a bit, both your anger and anxiety simmering beneath your skin.

“Don’t take that tone with me. You were whispering about something. What was it?”

You took a few shaky breaths to calm down a little before answering her in the most neutral, calm voice you could muster in that moment, “Nothing, Headmistress Miranda, we were just greeting each other. That was it.” The silence after your answer was so thick and you decided to just keep looking at the floor because looking at her in the eyes wouldn’t help you in dampening your inner agitation. You felt your hands begin to shake, and you slightly tightened your grip around the coffee in a valiant effort to ground yourself.

When she spoke again, her words sounded a lot more neutral, “I see. Thank you for telling me. Now let’s get to work.” But you didn’t trust that neutrality. From your first few days of working with her, you started to see how she tried to mask how she truly felt, though it was kind of comical to you, since her true feelings seemed to bleed through anyway. And her true feelings almost always seemed to be some form of anger or resentment. Your interactions with her brought up the hazy memory of one of your high school teachers. That teacher had behaved just like Headmistress Miranda when her husband had chosen to divorce her. You and your classmates only found about the divorce because another one of your friends was nosy as hell and overheard her sobbing to another teacher in an empty classroom. Perhaps Headmistress Miranda was having her own marital troubles? But even so, you knew she didn’t have the right to take them out on you or anyone else.

She finally took her coffee from you and sipped from it.

“This is acceptable,” she remarked.

You sat down at your tiny little desk in the corner of her office and mentally prepared yourself to deal with her ridiculous demands until she released you for the day. As you worked on organizing her files, which you didn’t need a lot of brain power for, your mind idly wandered back to Bela, wondering what it was she asked you.

“Where did you put the folder for the culinary club?” Miranda huffed, her question slashing through your thoughts, making you fully focus on finding that specific folder so that she didn’t throw a pen at you again. It would be the third one this week and it was only Wednesday.

You were laying in your bed, staring tiredly at the ceiling. It was the weekend and you didn’t have to go to work to deal with your temperamental boss, but you did have your homework to contend with. That and you still felt emotionally exhausted from yesterday’s workday even though it ended on a much better note than you anticipated.

Yesterday, when you were finally about to leave her office, the door wouldn’t open. You were tempted to just slam yourself into it, but you figured the Headmistress would definitely punish you for potentially breaking her office door. And so, you had to deal with her mocking and snippy attitude for another three hours while also looking for a solution to get you both out. Once you were finally free, courtesy of a late worker named Bee and no thanks to your make-shift lock pick, you high tailed it out of there, back to your dorm where Daniela was hosting a game night with Angie and her sisters.

It surprised you to learn that Daniela’s sisters were Bela and Cassandra, but you did your best to not let your surprise show or ask too many questions about them. You already knew Bela as the student council president and you’ve heard a few classmates talk about Cassandra, some mentioning how hot she was, others bitterly complaining how she never called them back after a night of passion. And a few conversations you had with Daniela already informed you that she felt somewhat insecure within herself compared to her sisters and you decided you weren’t going to add to that. No! You were going to support your new friend in her quest of building her own confidence.

The dorm was probably going to be loud, but you figured with your headphones, you could just be able to block them out and finally let yourself slip in the sweet release of sleep.

When you entered the dorm, they greeted you and asked you how work was. You tiredly told them that you didn’t want to talk about it. As you kept moving through, you felt Bela’s eyes on you. Distantly, you wondered to yourself if her staring would bother you if she were anyone else, if your heart would react in the same way if it was someone else staring at you.

As you were about to disappear into your room, Bela got up and asked if you wanted some peppermint tea as she was going to make herself and everybody else some if they wanted it. You looked at her in surprise and then happiness, saying that you would love some, it was your favorite after all. You already had run out of your own stock a day ago, courtesy of working for the Headmistress. You felt like the gods were finally blessing you after having to endure the day you had. In your excitement to have some of your favorite tea, you completely missed Daniela’s and Cassandra’s twin looks of incredulity directed towards their sister.

You had entered your room to change and you rubbed the space over your heart to hopefully help it calm down a bit. Maybe Bela was just a ridiculously beautiful goddess that it messed with your heart. You caught only few snippets of their conversation through the door.

“—never drank—before—”

“—you trying to—”

“—tried peppermint—ended up liking—”

“—you like—”

“—ssandra, back off—”

“AH!”

When you exited to obtain your peppermint tea, you saw Cassandra on the floor holding her foot and hissing through her teeth and Daniela chuckling to herself next to her. You shook your head, you heard a lot about Cassandra from Daniela and Angie, as well as overhearing about her from other classmates, and decided you didn’t want to know what she did this time to deserve that.

Bela stood a few feet away from you, her expression calm, holding out your mug of hot peppermint tea to you, which you took gratefully with both hands, before she took a calm sip out of her own mug. Though you two were mostly strangers, the action of her giving you tea felt comforting somehow. And it also made your heartbeat begin to slow down to a normal rate in her presence.

You thanked Bela for the tea, telling her you appreciated it. You then returned to your room to rest and you were grateful that even though the day was stupidly stressful, you were able to get some good peppermint tea out of it. And… it was nice to see Bela too.

You finished with your reminiscing and got up from your bed, stretching your arms. You decided that it was time for you to head to the library to do your homework and as much as you love your roommates, you weren’t going to be able to concentrate here. And you also remembered that Daniela mentioning that she was going to have a girl over. So, you going to the library also doubled as you supporting your new friend’s romantic endeavors. Go for it, Daniela!

As you passed through the living room, throwing your backpack on, you noticed Daniela panicking a bit.

“Daniela, you look… stressed. Do you need any help?”

“Ah— no, no. I’m just… nervous,” she seemed to sway back and forth on her feet before her questions burst out like water from a high-pressure fountain, “What if she doesn’t like what I’m into? What if I introduce her to my mom and she ends up falling for my mom like all the other girls did? What if—”

Your head was reeling from the hose of information that she was spewing. She brought home girls that ended up falling for her mom?

“Daniela,” you said forcibly, cutting her off, “I think you’re going on a slippery slope here. If she’s not into what you like, then she’s not the girl for you. And if she somehow starts falling for your mom, then she’s definitely not the girl for you. And surely, not all of the girls you’ve gotten to know romantically end up falling for your mom.”

Daniela whipped out her phone and typed a bit, before saying, “Look at this photo of my mom.”

“Wha-? No!!”

She shoved her phone in your face so you ended up having no choice but to perceive her mom.

“Daniela—” you paused. A very gorgeous, refined brunette woman stared coolly back at you from her phone screen. “Wait, that’s my Women in Art professor. Professor Dimitrescu is your mom?!”

“Yes,” she intoned gravely, “I overhear plenty of students gushing over her. And most of the girls I’ve brought to meet her and my sisters end up falling for her and trying to get with her before ultimately getting rejected and… yeah…”

She looked at the ground like a dejected golden retriever puppy. You felt bad for her. Daniela deserved better. She deserved her true love.

“Daniela, I’m going to level with you. Yes, your mother may be an attractive woman,” her face scrunched up at this, but you pushed through, rambling now, “but the right woman for you is going to look at you and see only you. Her heart is going to want only you, no matter how attractive other women may be. And honestly, I think love has to do more with the beauty of people’s hearts rather than just their physical looks, so... I know you’ll find a woman who truly perceives the beauty of your heart and will always choose to stay with you and vice versa, okay?”

You paused, looking at the floor in embarrassment. You didn’t mean to ramble. “Ah, did what I say make sense…?” you asked gently, shifting to look back at her.

Daniela was looking at you, her eyes shining with tears.

“Daniela!?” you exclaimed in alarm. You tried to apologize, but before you could, she tackled you into a fierce hug.

“Thank you,” she mumbled out. You sighed with fondness and hugged her back just as tightly.

“No problem. You got this,” you released each other and once you have gathered the rest of your things, which was a granola bar and a water, you were out the door, making your way to the library.

As you strolled down the halls towards your destination, you passed a couple of frantic-looking students near a bulletin board. You recognized them as being part of the theater. They were hastily ripping off all of the Romeo and Juliet posters.

“Woah! Why are you guys ripping off the Romeo and Juliet posters? That is the play that’s showing, right?” you questioned.

One harried student looked at you and explained, “It was, until Cassandra Dimitrescu decided to change everything at the very last moment. God knows why,” she scowled, “Now we’re doing The Phantom of the Opera musical, which I don’t mind. But I just wish that Cassandra didn’t do this last minute. And we still have to find enough people for all the roles.”

You nodded in sympathy. You too understood the pain of having prepared plans but then having them being hastily changed at the last minute. Your parents ran on Filipino time and were very spontaneous, but you had always been punctual and consistent with your plans.

But The Phantom of the Opera?! You loved this musical. You were definitely going to see it on opening night. Granted, you’ve only seen the 2004 movie and all, but still! You’ve made it your goal to see it live on Broadway someday.

You left the theater students to their mission of rip-and-replace the posters and eventually entered the library.

You wandered around for a bit, looking for an empty table, but to no avail. It seemed like everyone and their mother decided to come out and study or do work at the library today. You internally heaved a sigh and began to head towards the exit, your mind trying to figure out where else you could study that wasn’t your dorm, before you were approached by an elderly man in a blue janitor’s uniform. He reminded you of Santa Claus with his white beard and kind eyes.

“Hello there! Why do you look so glum?”

You were so taken aback by this man’s bluntness that you couldn’t help but reply honestly, “Ah, I was looking for some place to study but it looks like all the tables are full.”

“Oh! I understand now,” he replied calmly, a sympathizing look in his eyes, “But lucky for you, I do know of a study room that is currently empty. I just came back from cleaning it,” he lifted his spray bottle and rag to show you as proof, “Just go upstairs and go all the way to the left. It’s the last one and it is fairly hidden among the bookshelves. Very private. Perfect for studying.”

You brightened at that knowledge. You had an opportunity to do your homework in a private place in the library. “Thank you… uh… what is your name?” You asked sheepishly.

The janitor laughed, before answering, “Zane, the janitor, young one. What is yours?”

You told him your name.

The janitor repeated your name back to you, and followed with “Nice to meet you! I hope you have a good study session.” With that, Zane turned to leave the library and you followed his directions to the study room he mentioned. You look through the window, and to your happiness, it was clean and empty just like he said.

Happily, you went in, sat down and began to pull your materials out of your backpack. A few moments later, the door quietly opened and Bela was standing in the doorway. She saw you and inquired, “What are you doing here?” as she closed the door behind her.

You felt your heart rate jump, thankfully not to an uncomfortable level, and you looked at her in confusion, answering, “I’m… going to study and do my homework. Everywhere else was full or taken.”

She looked at you, smirking with some amusement dancing in her eyes. “You do know that you have to reserve a study room with the librarian, right? You can’t exactly just walk in and claim an empty room.”

“Ah… I see…” You feel your ears and cheeks heat up. The janitor didn’t tell you anything about that! Or maybe he didn’t know? You began to gather your things quickly as you could, “I’m sorry, I’ll go find someplace else—”

“You can stay and do your work here. I know you won’t be disruptive,” she said to you, cutting you off and already sitting down. She pulled out her notes for god-knows-what. She continued, “In fact, any time you need to do your homework or study, you can come to this room, since I always have it reserved under my name anyway. But,” she paused for a moment, before quietly saying, “Please don’t bring anyone else here. I don’t mind you being here, but I don’t necessarily trust anyone else to be here and not disrupt my study and work time.”

You couldn’t help but feel like you were gifted something… precious. Something valuable. You nodded, promising, “I swear I won’t bring anyone else in here. Thank you for sharing your study room with me.” You felt that because she shared this with you, you ought to give back to her too. You tried again, with words, “I swear I won’t be disruptive.”

She looked at you and smiled, it’s small and soft and beautiful, and you want to see it again, she didn’t seem to smile like that often. “Of course,” she said. And then the smile is gone, replaced by her focus on the notes in front of her.

You turned back to your own notes. Thanking her with words wasn’t enough, so you made a note in your planner to get her a gift of some sort for being generous with her study space. And you noted with quiet relief that your heart had relaxed into its normal rhythm. Then you threw yourself fully into studying for your Women in Art class. Other students in that class may be too busy checking out Professor Dimitrescu, but you were genuinely there for the art.

You didn’t notice it at all, since you were completely engrossed in the text and the art, but Bela, exhausted from her day, laid her head down on her arms and kept looking at you quietly until she fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Aequam Memento Rebus In Arduis Servare Mentem
(In Adversity, Remember To Keep An Even Mind)

It wasn’t until an hour later where you pulled yourself from your studying and noticed that Bela was asleep. She looked younger while sleeping, the lines of stress gone from her face. You quickly looked away, not wanting to be a creep for watching her while she slept.

You checked your phone and you saw that there was a few hours left before the library closed. You decided to let her sleep because you figured she must be really exhausted from her day to just fall asleep in the study room. You would just wake her up before closing if she didn’t wake up before then. And so, you set up your phone alarm to help you with this task.

It was harder to focus on your studying when Bela was adorably asleep nearby but you somehow pushed on through, successfully recalling the knowledge you needed for the next test. Once your phone alarm softly went off, you quietly got up, rounding the table and nudging her shoulder gently with your hand.

“Bela,” you whispered.

“Mrmm…”

Too adorable, you thought to yourself.

“Bela, you gotta wake up. It’s almost time for the library to close,” you whispered again, more firmly this time.

Her eyelashes fluttered and then you were looking into a sleepy, deep, soft grayish-blue. You caught yourself wondering what the exact shade of blue her eyes were, but then she smiled at you, and it was the softest, sleepiest, most adorable smile you’ve ever seen.

Your heart thundered, your heart couldn’t take it, and so you ended up stumbling away back to your notes, stuffing them away into your backpack, just to avoid doing something monumentally stupid and non-consensual, like kissing her. She would deck you for sure, for coming onto her like that and especially after her choosing to share her study space with you. God, were you always this out of control with your urges? You gotta keep it together, damn it.

You looked up at her again and were about to ask her how she slept, but then you caught the look on her face as she stared at the table. She looked a bit lost, a bit disoriented, as if she was woken up from the middle of a really great dream only to have a colder reality crashing down on her.

“Bela, are you okay? Did I… disrupt a good dream or something?”

She blinked adorably, before rubbing her eyes with one hand and replied, “You did, but it’s okay.”

Shit. “I’m sor—”

She cut you off firmly, “No need to apologize. The library is in the middle of closing, right?”

You nodded quietly.

“Then let’s get going.”

You both left the study room and began to make your way through the now vastly empty library. You noticed a few students fast asleep at some tables and you figured that the librarian would probably come around soon to wake them up.

As you both exited the library onto the campus grounds, Bela asked, “Are you heading back to your dorm?”

“Yup. I’m pretty tired now.” You wondered where else you could possibly go this late at night, but then you remembered a lot of your classmates headed out to the bar or the restaurants around town at this time.

You both walked in silence for a while until she declared, “I’ll walk you back to the dorms.”

You whipped your head to look at her, feeling your face heat up at her words. “There’s no need to do that, Bela. I can get back to the dorms safely. You should just head on home.”

“I don’t actually believe that,” she said, her voice teasing. She was teasing you. The President of the Student Council, who many people said was very cold and ruthless, was playfully teasing you.

“Wha—?? What makes you think I can’t get back to the dorms safely?” You asked, with light-hearted irritation. You didn’t mind her teasing. You wanted to see this side of her.

“Well, you did get lost on the way to the library and needed my instructions to find it,” she stated teasingly.

You playfully protested, scowling, “That happened once! I got lost on the way to the library once!”

She continued as if you didn’t say anything, “Then you got lost on the way to the café and the pizza place when Daniela told you to meet her and Angie there.”

You felt somewhat disgruntled and betrayed. “Daniela told you about that?” you huffed quietly.

“Then Cassandra told me how you almost tripped when you were leaving the café with Headmistress Miranda’s coffee order,” her tone seemed to get little steely at the mention of the Headmistress. And you mentally slapped yourself for finding it attractive. You forced yourself to focus on your friends’ apparent betrayal of you.

“Okay, just because those things happened doesn’t mean I can’t get to the dorms safely,” you began to speed up your walk back towards the dorms and Bela easily matched your stride because of her longer legs. She smirked down at you, beginning to walk even faster, and now you were just jogging to keep up with her.

“Bela!” you whined out after her. “That’s not fair!!” You heard her laugh and she slowed down enough for you both to comfortably walk side-by-side.

“I guess you can walk me back to the dorms,” you conceded, after getting some control over your breathing.

“Good. Wouldn’t want to hear about you tripping and getting lost on your way back,” she said, sounding smug. And since you considered yourself to be more mature, you simply rolled your eyes and you guys continued your walk to the dorms in a peaceful silence.

You didn’t know what it was about Bela, but you found her presence enjoyable, grounding, and restful.

“How is the weather down there?” she asked airily.

You also found her presence to be irksome and you felt the sharp need to push her buttons back.

“It’s just fine actually. What about you? Have any birds smacked into you yet?”

At the mention of birds, Bela suddenly stopped. You stopped too, suddenly worried.

“Bela, did I say something—”

She cut you off quietly, “There are crows over there, do you see them?”

You looked to where she was looking and sure enough, you saw a couple of crows just chilling on the opposite sidewalk. You’ve never seen crows do that before. They seem to be looking around idly and when they looked in your guys’ direction, it felt as if they were staring through you.

“I see them,” you murmured.

Bela glanced back to you, her face a bit more serious, “Let’s get you back to the dorms.”

“I—uh… Okay.” You weren’t sure what was going on. Were the crows here in Romania more hostile than crows in other parts of the world?

You guys walked a bit faster now. The atmosphere felt a little bit heavy but it lightened up once you and Bela started bantering back and forth again, this time about teas, and which tea was the best.

You insisted that it was peppermint. And she insisted that it was hibiscus.

“Well… I haven’t tried hibiscus before,” you said thoughtfully.

“I’ll make sure to bring you some next time.” That made your heart beat faster. But surely, she was just being friendly.

Soon enough, you were at the entrance of the dorms. You felt like you should say something.

“Thank you for walking me back here, Bela. I appreciate it.”

She smirked gently down at you, “It wasn’t a big deal, I had parked my car here after all.”

Why didn’t she just say that in the first place? Your mind began to entertain the idea that maybe she had wanted to walk you back to the dorms because she thought you were cute—

You didn’t want to think like that. You assumed a girl liked you before and it didn’t end well. You firmly decided that she probably felt comfortable enough to tease you and play around. From what you had gathered and observed, it didn’t seem like she had a lot of close friends and she seemed to be focused mainly on her classes and student council duties. Even with your logical and reasonable conclusion, your heart rate didn’t slow down.

You glared up at her halfheartedly and then turned away from her. With fond irritation, you articulated, “Goodnight, Bela.”

As you closed the door, you heard her tell you, “Goodnight,” and you completely missed the next part, "Sweetheart.”

As you walked towards the stairs, you felt your heart throb fiercely for a few moments before it finally relaxed again.

Your life fell into a somewhat steady and predictable rhythm after Bela gave you permission to use her study room.

On the weekdays, you had to deal with Headmistress Miranda and your classes. On the weekends, you spent the majority of your time in the private study room. Bela was there, most of the time, unless she had to deal with something for the student council.

Every day with Headmistress Miranda seemed to be getting worse. Nothing you did seemed to satisfy her. And the smallest things seemed to set her off, like when her pens were out of place or when her stapler went missing. But you did the best you could, while also keeping your own bubbling anger and anxiety in check. The best days with Miranda were when you barely exchanged words with each other, she simply handed you the files you needed to file and you did them without complaint. Or she gave you a list of tasks to do that required you to be away from her office, and you just went and did them. Even then, the best days with Miranda were still honestly, emotionally draining. You couldn’t help but feel like she was trying to punish you for something, as if you of all people had betrayed her terribly somehow and you needed to be corrected for it, but you didn’t even know what you were being punished for. But you probably figured that you felt like that because the real target of her rage was no longer present, so she was simply displacing it onto you. You wondered how the Headmistress would react if you suggested that she should go to therapy instead of using you as an emotional punching bag, but you assumed you probably wouldn’t make it out of her office alive if you did.

So when you were able to go to the study room in the library and Bela was there? Your heart felt soothed, like her presence was a balm for the emotional stress inflicted upon you by the Headmistress during the week. You were able to recharge in Bela’s presence. And sure, she did make your heart pulse faster and stronger than normal, but after spending some time in her presence, your heart always returned to its healthy rhythm.

You hoped your presence was somewhat comforting to her too, even though you guys haven’t talked too much about serious things.

It was Sunday evening and you were currently in the middle of typing up your essay for your Psychology class when Bela got your attention by placing a hot drink at a safe distance next to your laptop. She had come in earlier, then left again, saying that she needed to get a few things. “I got you a peppermint tea and a sandwich.”

“I thought we weren’t allowed to eat those in the library?” you looked up at her curiously, waiting for her to explain. You remembered the library rules stating that only food like granola bars or chip bags were allowed. And the mention of food reminded you that you were only a mere mortal and that hunger pains were something you must take care of.

“We aren’t, but you look like you could use a break and,” she looked out the window of your shared study room before pulling the blinds shut, “The librarian trusts me anyway.”

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was until you pointed it out,” you smiled sheepishly. “What kind of sandwich did you bring?”

“I brought us both roasted turkey avocado BLT sandwiches,” she said triumphantly.

“Really!?” you exclaimed, your excitement bubbling through, “I love those!”

She handed you your sandwich and watched you dig into it, before quietly saying, “I’m glad I guessed it right then.”

Her tone of voice made you blush and you didn’t understand why. You looked up at her, and she was focused on typing away on her laptop.

“Thank you for the tea and sandwich, Bela.”

“Of course,” she responded without looking up at you.

You continued to look at her. Then you inquired gently, “Are you not going to eat?”

Now she looked at you, admitting, “I actually ate an hour earlier. I just made sure to pick up some tea and food for us both before making my way back here. I’ll eat when I get hungry.” She continued to hold your gaze, looking as if she was searching for something in your eyes.

Her thoughtfulness and consideration warmed your heart immensely. And you wondered what she was looking for. Maybe appreciation and consideration in return? You looked at your phone and it flashed 7:37 pm at you.

“Alright. But I’m going to remind you to eat at two hours before closing time today if you don’t eat before then.” You were pretty sure she forgot to eat at times too. You were terrible at reminding yourself to eat when you were super focused on your studying or work.

“I’ll hold you to it.” And with that, you set a timer for 9 pm and went back to your sandwich and tea, and eventually your schoolwork.

In the end, you did have to remind her to eat. You chided her for not paying attention to her hunger needs, while staunchly ignoring your own hypocrisy, and she just continued to eat her sandwich in contentment.

The sandwich must really be hitting the spot for her, you figured. It was after all, a very delicious sandwich.

Daniela, like Bela, had also noticed your penchant for not eating when you get really absorbed in your studying and work, and like a good friend, checks up on you.

You were getting ready to head over to Headmistress Miranda’s office when Daniela knocked on your door.

“Hey, did you eat yesterday? You left pretty early for the library and you didn’t come home until late evening,” you heard her say, somewhat muffled by the door.

With your outfit complete, you grabbed your backpack and opened your bedroom door to Daniela quietly sipping on her chocolate muscle milk. She wordlessly handed you one and you took it, placing it in your bag.

“Thanks for the muscle milk. And yeah, I ate. Bela brought us tea and food—”

You heard Daniela choking on her muscle milk. “Daniela?!” You quickly rushed to her side and you were about to slap her back as hard as you can, when she recovered quickly, declaring, “I’m good! I’m good…”

You stepped back a bit, replying, “If you’re sure…”

She barreled on, asking, “Bela, my older sister, not known for being the most friendliest person on campus, brought you tea? And food?” She was looking at you with a bewildered expression.

“Well, yes, she brought us both tea and food—” You were cut off by the alarm of your phone, letting you know it was time to really get going to the café for Headmistress Miranda’s coffee order AND be on time to work.

You checked if you had everything while explaining, “I’m sorry, Daniela, I really got to go, we’ll continue this later!” You rushed out the door, running through the corridor and down the steps to the entrance of the dorms.

You hoped the Headmistress was in a better mood for this week. You were tired of feeling angry and anxious when you came back from work.

She wasn’t. She wasn’t in a good mood.

You spent Monday rearranging the furniture of her office at her behest, only for her to command you to put everything where it originally was at the start.

On Tuesday, she made you accompany her when she had to do some presentations to possible incoming students checking out the university. That was a painful day as you had to force yourself to have a somewhat happy expression on the whole time so that you didn’t scare off the incoming students.

You weren’t sure what made Headmistress Miranda’s mood so dark on Wednesday. In the morning, she seemed to be at her normal levels of somewhat concealed rage as she commanded you to take a huge stack of books to the student council and to pick up the stacks of files waiting for you there. And so you went, struggling a bit. You mentally told yourself you needed to hit the weights with Daniela at some point, if only to build more arm strength and endurance.

Bela was in the student council room with a few other members, organizing papers into folders when she saw you come in.

“Hey, do you need help with that?” you heard her say.

“Just a bit, please and thank you.” She swiped some books from the top and set them down gently on the table next to where you placed yours.

You allow your breathing to normalize a bit before asking, “Where are the stack of requests? Headmistress Miranda asked for them.”

Bela looked at the two fairly large stacks where she was organizing them and you followed her gaze.

You heaved a sigh and you felt the pitying looks from the other student council members.

“Alright, I’ll do one and I’ll come back for the other,” you decided, beginning to move towards one ominous stack of papers.

“No, I’ll help you. We’ll bring the papers together,” Bela insisted.

Another student’s voice interjected, you couldn’t put a name to the voice, “But Bela, what about the requests from the other departments? We haven’t finished going through those yet.”

“This won’t take long,” she replied coolly as she picked up a stack and was already out the door. You quickly grabbed your own and after steadying yourself, followed after her, feeling the eyes of the student council on you. You shivered slightly. Their stares felt weirdly intense, but maybe you were just projecting onto them because you’ve been dealing with Headmistress Miranda’s weirdly intense glances at you for a while now.

You saw Bela slowing down a bit until you guys were walking at a comfortable pace side-by-side.

“Thank you for helping me, Bela. I feel like I owe you a lot,” you murmured, trying to express your gratitude as much as possible.

She brushed it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. And to her, it probably wasn’t. “Don’t worry about it.”

You guys continued quietly until you reached Headmistress Miranda’s office. You managed to open the door for both you and Bela, because it was the least you could do, you figured. She held it open with her foot and gestured you in first. You went in, she followed after and you placed your stack of files on Headmistress Miranda’s desk.

You looked up and saw Headmistress Miranda’s expression from where she was by the windows. You felt like the room dropped 10 degrees and shrouded itself in dark shadows you couldn’t see.

“Why are you here, Bela?” The Headmistress asked, her rage simmering just beneath the surface of her skin. Just what was her problem with Bela?

Bela, keeping a neutral tone, simply replied, “I was just helping them with delivering the stack of papers. That’s all. I’m going to head back to the student council room now.” She politely dropped her stack of files next to yours on Miranda’s desk and left the office.

You wished Bela didn’t have to go, didn’t have to leave you here on your own. But you also knew she didn’t like leaving you here with the Headmistress either. You remembered speaking quietly to Bela about her in the privacy of your guys’ shared study room. And she sympathized with you, quietly mentioning how she didn’t really like her either.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to go through the entire school year, working for her like this,” you said tiredly.

Bela seemed to be looking at her notes but not seeing them. Then she spoke, “You don’t have to handle this on your own. I’ll do my best to help you out and protect you from her.”

This made you blush and smile softly, something she seemed to be self-satisfied about.

“Thank you, my knight in shining armor,” you said playfully, wanting to tease her for her chivalry.

She looked at you, her eyes softening with an emotion you still haven’t been able to discern, and she softly said, “Of course.”

At that, your heart began to pound to the point where it was hard to think of a coherent response. So you didn’t try, opting to look back down at your own notes and do your best to focus on studying, willing your heart to calm down.

You quickly snapped yourself out of the memory and asked Headmistress Miranda, “Is there anything else you need me to do?”

She looked at you and you felt incredibly small under her gaze. It felt like she was trying to dissect you with her eyes alone, as if she wanted to take you apart and put you back together in a pattern that was more pleasing to her. You resisted the urge to shudder.

“No,” she continued to look at you and you felt like she was at war with herself about something, with how stormy her eyes seemed. And you weren’t sure if you wanted to know what her inner conflict was.

“You’re dismissed for the day.”

You were sure your surprise showed on your face because she smirked at you before moving back to her desk to do god-knows-what.

You didn’t ask why, you weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. You went to collect your things as quickly as you could and then you left, feeling her stare follow you all the way out the door.

You were kinda at a loss at the moment. You have been released early from work. And on top of that, there was no homework you desperately needed to do. You looked through your planner to see if you had missed anything and your eyes landed on the little note you made, which read:

Get a thank-you gift for Bela since she’s sharing her study space with me.

Crap! You forgot all about that! You started pacing in your room, thinking about what Bela could possibly appreciate in a gift. Something that wasn’t romantically-coded for sure. Maybe something useful? Something practical? You weren’t sure what to get her.

Then you heard Daniela’s voice singing in the kitchen. Daniela! Bela’s sister!

You opened your bedroom door, perhaps a bit too aggressively, because you effectively scared Angie who was passing by.

“HOLY SHIT! You scared me!” She yelped as she made her way to the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, Angie!” You rushed into the kitchen and saw Daniela in the middle of making her meal prep and singing quietly to herself.

You touched her shoulder gently and she turned to you with a relaxed grin, asking, “What’s up?”

“Do you know what kind of gift Bela would appreciate? I just wanted to give her something since she’s been sharing her study room with me.”

As you asked your question, you watched her eyes grow wide, and how she almost dropped the bread she was holding. You gently took it from her hands and placed it gingerly onto a plate on the counter. Bread safety was important to you.

Her next question threw you for a loop. “Do you like her? Romantically?”

“I—uh…”

She cut you off excitedly, “You do! You totally do! This is awesome!”

“Wait wait wait! How is me liking Bela romantically awesome?”

“Because she likes you too, dude.”

Your mind blanked at that. Bela… liking you… romantically…

Well, you conceded to yourself that a lot of her actions could be interpreted as romantic. But it didn’t mean that was her real intentions behind them. Bela was very kind, thoughtful, and considerate, but she didn’t seem to be close to anyone else, except for her family and now… you. You figured she had a hard time letting people in when you offered to help her with things and she would refuse. You also learned at some point from Daniela that their mom expected a lot from all three of them and Bela was the eldest. You were an only child, but you paid attention and offered comfort as best you could when old high school friends talked about the pressure of being the eldest in the family and feeling like they could only rely on themselves. In the end, you felt that Bela needed a friend more than anything, regardless of how you felt about her. And you figured that because of who she was, she wouldn’t look at you in that way. She was out of your league. It stung a little, but you would move past it, like you always did.

“I don’t think she sees me in that way, Daniela,” you said quietly. You heard a soft thud.

She had dropped the bread onto the floor. So much for bread safety. You reached to pick up the bread again and this time, you threw it into the trash.

“What?... Why? Wait… is this because of how I told you in the beginning of the school year that she’s all about work and not looking for any pleasure or romance?”

You vaguely remembered her saying something like that. But she barreled on, “I’m sorry, I thought I was helping by letting you know, and instead I made it harder for you to see the signs. But the thing is,” she looked at you with seriousness, “Bela has never done what she does for you for anyone else. She has never allowed anyone in her private study room before. She doesn’t really bring people food or drinks unless she really cares about them—”

“Couldn’t she just see me as a really good friend?” you interjected quietly.

Daniela hummed thoughtfully, clearly looking for a way to convince you of her case.

“I haven’t seen her look at anyone else, the way she looks at you. And the night she made peppermint tea for you and herself, I was shocked because she hated tea growing up, she always asked for water, juice, or coffee when we were living with Aunt Donna.”

You were doing your best to process all the information being thrown your way. It was very surprising to learn that Bela actually hated tea growing up. She drank hibiscus tea all the time when she was in the study room with you. Still though, you would like to think you observed and learned enough about Bela to know how she would respond to romance and love.

“This doesn’t make sense though. I don’t think Bela’s the type of person to fall in love at first sight or something like that. She seems like the type that needs to move slowly and needs to get to know someone slowly first before she starts to invest in them,” you stated.

“And I actually agree with you on that! Really. But maybe there’s a first for everything?” Daniela questioned.

You stayed quiet, trying to think it all over. But it simply made your head hurt a little. Thinking about whether or not she had romantic feelings for you was going to trap you in a vicious mental loop, and you didn’t want to do that to yourself again. So you decided to leave the subject alone for now. You could always revisit it if Bela ever made a romantic confession to you or something like that.

“I’m filing this away for now, Daniela. Could you just give me some recommendations for a good gift for her?”

Daniela looked like she wanted to argue, but seemed to think better of it and relented.

“Alright, fine,” she agreed. “You could get her a book from the business section since I know she wants to start her own someday. Or something connected to Latin since she’s so interested in it. Or a nice scented candle maybe? She tends to go for the more nature-scented ones, like pinewood or something like that. And,” Daniela paused, thinking, before she continued, “I don’t think you could ever go wrong with just getting a card and writing her a message to express your gratitude. Bela is sentimental, even though she doesn’t seem like it.”

You headed out to the shops, thinking over what Daniela had suggested to you. You couldn’t really get Bela a book unless you walked the five miles to the bookstore or asked Angie to drive you. But Angie was busy with her homework and so you figured your best bet was a candle. But at the same time, you wondered if it was a good enough gift to express your gratitude. As you wandered past the Hallmark shop, you noticed that they had journals on display with a sale for university students. There was one particular journal that caught your eye, an elegant, dark blue one.

A thought rose up out of nowhere. That would be a great gift for her.

You decided to go along with it. You felt that getting her a journal, that journal specifically, was the best gift you could give her to show your appreciation. Your heart seemed to throb faster at that, as if it was saying ‘yes’ to your decision.

It was Saturday morning and you were strolling down to the café to pick up a peppermint tea and a breakfast sandwich before heading to the library to study dutifully, enjoy Bela’s presence, and give her your thank-you gift, which was currently sitting safe and wrapped up nicely in your backpack.

Your mind began to wander back to your conversation with Daniela about Bela, as it had been doing since you woke up, but you pushed yourself to focus back on the present moment. You can unpack all of it later, if and when Bela gave a stronger indication that she had romantic feelings for you.

As you chatted a little with Elena about your work with Miranda and the latest girl that Cassandra bedded and dumped unceremoniously, you were tapped politely on the shoulder. You turned and saw someone you recognized on the student council, Stanley, you believe her name is. Even though you weren’t a part of it, Bela still took the time two days ago to point out who’s who on the student council. When you asked her why she wanted to explain, she said she figured it would be helpful for you to know.

“That way you know who you can go to and who you can’t,” Bela said to you, finishing her explanation.

“What’s up? Stanley, right?” You also remembered that she’s the treasurer of the student council.

She smiled politely at you, “Yep, I’m Stanley. I was sent by Headmistress Miranda. She requests that you meet her in her office today as soon as possible. And to uh… also get her coffee order,” she trailed off sheepishly.

You felt your somewhat relaxing Saturday begin to slip away from you as well as Elena patting your back in an effort to comfort you before she went to make the coffee order.

Tea and coffee in hand, you walked quickly to the Headmistress’ office, internally praying that whatever it was that Miranda wanted, that it would be fast and not that painful.

When you entered her office, she was looking out the window towards the cloudy skies with her back turned towards you. You were sure she heard you enter, but she still didn’t turn around. You watched her for a moment and you felt a creeping sense of déjà vu. Have you seen this scene before?

You spoke up, hoping to move this meeting along, and you were still holding her coffee.

“Headmistress Miranda, I have your coffee. What did you need me for?”

Your words gained nothing but silence, and it stretched on for a long, uncomfortable while. You felt your body beginning to tense and you began debating on whether to say something again or just leave her coffee on her desk when she finally spoke.

“Tell me. Do you love blindly?” Her voice sounded as commanding as ever but she still didn’t turn to look at you.

You gently placed her coffee on her desk to gather your thoughts in the midst of your confusion. She requested you to come all the way here to answer this question? And also, why does it have to be you that answers this question? Surely, she could’ve asked the philosophy majors about this.

You answered her honestly, “It depends on what they do, what actions they take to achieve their goals because to me, the ends do not justify the means. And it matters to me whether or not their morals, principles, and goals align with mine.”

“Why?” she demanded, her question cutting through the air.

You blinked at her back, feeling your anxiety slowly begin to creep up your spine. “Are you asking… why I believe and think the way I do?”

She finally turned to look at you and she glared at you as if you were stupid.

“Obviously,” she sneered.

You did your best to control your anger by looking at the floor as it began to boil. You eventually answered with as much neutrality as you could, “Because I just do. Other people and their lives matter to me. I want to do the right thing for me and for others too.”

Then words surged up automatically from your throat, the meaning unknown to you until the entirety of them were spoken into the air between you both, “Ripping apart other people’s families for the sake of achieving my own goals will never be right to me.”

Wait, where did those words come from? Why did you say that? Those words weren’t in your head a second ago!

When you looked up at Miranda, you felt the anxiety start to constrict your throat and you felt yourself shaking so terribly that you almost dropped your tea. You had seen her barely concealed rage before, bared the brunt of it, but her expression now… completely superseded that. Confusion at her reaction and the instinct to flee battled within you.

Her eyes were a mix of gold, crimson, and blue fire that threatened to burn you alive. Your vision seemed to flicker before you, and you could've sworn that she had black, feathered wings. Her voice was low and guttural as she growled, “You're fired. Get. Out.”

And you, with your confusion winning momentarily, asked, “What? Why?”

“DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?! GET OUT! YOU'RE FIRED! GET OUT!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, her eyes blazing into a molten gold, advancing towards you quickly.

Your anxiety kicked you into full gear and you sprinted as fast as you could out the door, making it bang against the wall, passing by students who were also now trying to frantically leave the corridor in which Miranda’s office resided. You kept running, throwing your tea into the nearest trashcan, not slowing down even when you heard professors yell at you to walk, and eventually you found yourself in front of the study room you shared with Bela.

You opened the door and found it empty, as you thought it would be. You knew Bela probably wouldn’t be around until much later as she had let you know a few days ago that there were some event going on today that required the presence of the student council president.

You turned the lights off, the only light peeking through the blinds, and you sat in a chair, slumping over the table, hiding your face in your arms.

Only then did you allow yourself to feel everything you’ve been holding back for the last few weeks. With your face in your arms, you began to cry and you did your best to do it as quietly as you could.

Chapter Text

Festina Lente
(Hurry Slowly)

You realized that you must have fallen asleep as you began to readjust to the waking world. You felt inexplicably exhausted from all of your crying. No longer wanting to have your face pressed against your arms, you slowly lifted yourself up and you saw Bela across the table looking at you with obvious concern, with two cups of hot tea and sandwiches in front of her, and her notes off to the side.

“Hey,” she started, gentleness in her tone, “I heard about what happened.”

You huffed tiredly, “The whole school knows probably.”

She nodded grimly and pushed your tea and sandwich towards you. “You should eat. Or if you want to talk about it now, I’ll listen.”

You stared down at the table as you weighed your options. You figured it was better to talk about it now, from the beginning.

“When Miranda hired me, she technically just blackmailed me into being her assistant. Because it was either do anything she wants or have the library ban me for accidentally destroying a book. And I didn’t want to be banned from the library since it meant spending more money for books I need or walking all the way to the bookstore that’s five miles away from here.”

When you looked up, you saw Bela frowning as she sipped her tea. “She blackmailed you into working for her?” she asked neutrally. You wondered if you were imagining a layer of anger underneath her tone.

You nodded tiredly, replying, “Yeah.”

Then she asked with seriousness, “Do you remember the book that you accidentally destroyed?”

You gave her the name of the book. Your shame in accidentally destroying it ended up burning the title into your memory bank.

She wrote the title down in her notes. “I’ll help you figure out a way to replace the book or at the very least, make amends with the librarian over it,” she said easily.

“Really?” you asked, shock evident in your voice.

She nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Why are you doing this for me?” She didn’t need to go above and beyond to help you.

She simply said, “Because I want to.” Then she swiftly changed the subject, “What made Miranda fire you?”

You looked wearily at your tea, beginning your explanation, “I’m not sure honestly. She called me to her office today to deliver her coffee order and to… just ask me a question.” Bela waited for you to continue as you sat there figuring out what to say next.

“She asked me if I love blindly. And I told her my honest answer, that it depends on what they do, the actions they take to achieve their goals because the ends do not justify the means to me. That it matters whether their morals, principles and goals align with my own.”

You took a deep breath and continued, “And then she asked me why I believe and think that way. And I said because I just do, because I want to do what’s right for me and others too. And then… something weird happened. I said,” you paused, trying to make sure you got the words right, “‘Ripping apart other people’s families for the sake of achieving my own goals will never be right to me,’ out of nowhere. I didn’t consciously choose to say those words. Those words felt like they came up from a much deeper part of me or… something like that.”

When you looked up at Bela, you saw that she had tears in her eyes and this look of… relief?

“Bela?? What’s wrong?” You were moving to get her a napkin for her tears, but she put her hand gently over yours which made you pause. Her hand felt warm and comforting. You felt the urge to hold it but successfully held yourself back.

“I’m fine, I promise. Just continue,” She took the napkin from you and gently wiped her eyes with it. You weren’t sure if she was, but you decided to not push it. At this point, you knew if you tried to push her to explain something she didn’t want to explain, she would simply be immovable about it and keep insisting on you continuing your story instead.

“Alright, well… I said those things right? And I guess they were the wrong things to say because after the last thing I said, she just stared at me like… she wanted to rip my heart out,” you gave a dry chuckle, “then she fired me and when I asked why, she just screamed at me to get out.”

You looked at the table again.

“And then, I came here because it was the safest, private place I can think of. And I cried for a really long time until I fell asleep. And now… we’re here.”

Bela was silent for a few moments before she said quietly, “Well, I’m glad that you feel like this is the safest place you can think of.”

“You make it feel safe,” you said without thinking. Then you quickly panicked about what you said and as you were about to try to salvage your words, she spoke up, her tone achingly gentle.

“I’m glad I can make it feel safe for you.”

Your heart rate was beginning to pick up again. You just nodded at her and reached for your tea to sip it, giving yourself something to do and hoping it would help your heart relax.

After a few seconds, Bela asked, “Do you plan on getting another job?” Her question surprised you.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. My initial plan, on the day Miranda hired me, was to go to the club fair and see what club I wanted to join. But then my economics professor emailed us an assignment that was due the next day and so I had to find the library.”

“And you stumbled through the club fair where I ended up giving you directions to the library,” she said thoughtfully.

“Yes, I know. I remember.”

“Did Miranda even pay you?”

“Pay me? No, she didn’t. No money was made. Only stress and emotional damage,” you joked halfheartedly.

Bela seemed to be thinking deeply about something. Distantly, you had the thought that her focused face was so attractive. You mentally reminded yourself to fully focus on the conversation at hand.

“Alright, hear me out: what if you come work for my mother’s art business?”

Well, you definitely didn’t expect that.

“Huh? What would I do though?” you asked doubtfully, “I mean, I make my own art, but I don’t think anything I’ve created is at a level where it can be shown in a gallery and sold.”

She went on to explain that her mother had a secret society of artists and though she couldn’t necessarily place you in the society itself because it was genuinely up to her mother, there were other aspects in the business that had positions open, like in the communications department.

“My mother reaches out to well-known and world-renowned artists, requesting them to come to the university and hold workshops for the secret society. And we also reach out to several galleries about showcasing the art pieces of the society as well as selling the pieces themselves.”

“So you’re saying I just have to write emails to well-known and world-renowned artists and galleries? Who would I know who to contact?”

“You don’t have to worry about that, my mother decides who we reach out to or who to respond to. She gives us brief memos about the people and organizations she wants us to contact, then the two writers we have draft out their emails, and I help with editing them to make sure we have the possible chance of getting the outcome we’re looking for.”

You’ve written a bunch of essays before. You’re pretty sure you can do this.

“And I’ll get paid?”

She looked at you with thinly veiled amusement, “Of course you will be. And we wouldn’t throw you into writing the emails without training you first.”

“So… I would be a writer and you would be my editor?”

“Your editor as well as your boss, as I am technically the communications manager,” she said confidently.

Your jaw dropped, “What?!” you exclaimed. She’s amazing, you thought. “How do you keep up with being a communications manager, along with your student council responsibilities and your homework?” you asked in awe.

She chuckled, “Oh it was definitely, extremely hard and challenging at first. But I figured out how to balance it all. And I would say being the communications manager is the easiest out of all these things.”

“Wow… you’re amazing…” you said to yourself.

Bela seemed to be trying but failing at not looking so proud of herself. It was adorable.

You thought that working for Bela was going to be way, way, waaaaay better than working for Headmistress Miranda. You got to spend more time with Bela and you also got paid.

“Okay, I’ll do it. When do we start?”

Bela beamed happily at you. You wondered idly about what else you could do to see her smile like that more often. You watched as she began to look at something on her phone.

“We can start this Wednesday. I’ll give you my number and I’ll pick you up after your classes and bring you over to my apartment, since I have my own office space there. If that’s okay?”

You perked up at the thought of getting her number and being able to see inside her apartment. Your heart rate picked up again.

“Yeah, sounds good. Thank you, Bela,” you felt yourself smile softly at her. At this point, you were actually kinda grateful for being fired.

“You’re welcome, ki—” Then she started coughing.

“You okay?” you asked in concern. She seemed fine earlier. Hopefully, she wasn’t getting sick or anything like that.

“Yes, yes I’m fine,” she waved you off, taking a quick sip of her tea.

You kept looking at her and then suddenly, you remembered the gift you had for her. You dug it out of your backpack and placed it on the table in front of her.

“What’s this?” she asked, quiet wonder in her tone.

“It’s my gift for you. Since you shared your private study room with me and helped me out with a bunch of other things, along with comforting me today, I wanted to give my gratitude and appreciation as a gift. Hopefully, you like it and find it useful,” you said quietly.

Bela gently unwrapped the gift, taking care not to rip the wrapping, and found an elegant, dark blue, leather-bound notebook. She stared at it for a long while, much longer than you expected, and you started to feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach.

She must not like it if she’s taking this long to respond. She’s probably thinking of how to let me know, you thought, disheartened.

“Ah… do you not like it? I’m sorry, I can do better next—”

She cut you off gently but firmly, “I actually love it. Very much. Thank you for this.” She opened it, grabbed a pen and started to write.

You felt your earlier nervousness dissipate due to the immense triumph and relief taking its place, now that you knew she loved the gift. You reached for your sandwich and began to eat, your hunger now obvious to you and no longer weighed down by your emotions.

You were glad you followed your heart on this one. You decided that you would gift her more journals in the future.

When you got back to your dorm, Daniela and Angie were there, approaching you with worried expressions.

“Hey, we heard about what happened... You doing okay?” Daniela tentatively asked.

“I’m doing better now. Seeing Bela at the library helped a lot,” you said without thinking, due to you being physically tired and still somewhat emotionally drained.

Then you slapped your hand over your mouth, panicking a little, and you looked at Daniela, who was looking at you with an amused grin, and then Angie, who looked way too curious for her own good.

“So seeing Bela helped you, huh?” Daniela asked, her tone teasing.

“Yes, but also, I’m not going to talk about it,” you stated decisively.

“Alright, alright,” Daniela said, putting up her hands as a sign of surrendering to your decision.

“Why did Miranda fire you?” Angie inquired, changing the subject, concern evident on her face.

You began your explanation, “Honestly, I don’t even know. I guess… I said something she really didn’t like.”

“Mia, are you sure that Bela isn’t acting any differently? Have you seen it with your own eyes?” Miranda badgered, “I keep getting reports that she’s not acting any different. They say she’s fully focused on her school, work, and student council, that she’s not in any way acting as if she remembers anything about them and their time together,” she paced back and forth in agitation, “That there have been only a handful of instances where they have been seen together and it’s almost always brief instances where it’s purely for academic purposes,” she finished with a frown.

Mia leaned nonchalantly on her desk, playing with her switchblade, and answered, “Maybe because Bela isn’t doing anything? Maybe because Bela doesn’t actually remember anything? You sound paranoid, Mother Miranda. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, she isn’t acting any different.”

Miranda glowered at her for a few seconds, before tearing her eyes away and moving to look out the window into the darkness that covered the campus grounds.

Mia observed her silently, watching as Miranda tried her best to calm the raging sea of fury and worry within herself.

“Even… even if Bela isn’t acting any differently, even if she doesn’t remember,” Miranda began solemnly, “As soon as I am able, we are resetting again.”

Mia looked at her, incredulity obvious in her voice, “What?! We just reset three months ago and you want to reset again?”

Miranda remained quiet for a few moments. Mia flicked her switchblade open and closed several times, its sounds slicing through the silence of Miranda’s office. Then Miranda spoke again, her voice lowered to a whisper so low, that Mia had to stop playing with her switchblade and strain her ears to hear her, “I must have been too hasty in that last reset, but I’ll be more deliberate and thorough this time. They are saying things that—” she cut herself off sharply, “If I don’t reset, then they’ll just keep drifting further and further away from me. They already gave me the wrong answers to a question that should’ve been so easy and simple for them. I have to start again from the beginning.”

She looked at her reflection in the window, surrounded by the darkness outside and faintly illuminated by the light of the lamp in her office, and with her eyes, she traced the pattern of dark shadows across her face.

Mia stared at her own reflection in the steel of her blade as she asked, “How much time do we have until it’s time to reset?”

“At the current rate of my recovery… perhaps six months.”

“Alright…” Mia trailed off. Then she asked carefully, “Mother Miranda, have you considered just… courting them… in the meantime?”

Miranda turned around to look at her, her expression bewildered. “Courting?” she asked, with a quizzical tone in her voice.

Mia inwardly gave a heavy sigh.

Chapter Text

Accipe Quod Tuum, Alterique Da Suum
(Take What Is Yours, Leave Theirs To Them)

The situation with the librarian was actually fairly easy to resolve. In the end, Bela ended up getting a replacement copy of the book using money that you insisted should come out of your paycheck. Or paychecks, since that book wasn’t cheap to replace. And then you were to deliver the replacement copy to the librarian and apologize. Which you did, profusely.

“I’m extremely sorry for ruining the book!” you exclaimed for the third time. You were half-tempted to bow to her just to show how sorry you were.

The librarian continued to inspect the replacement copy, one that was just as ancient as the original you destroyed, all over before carefully placing it on her desk. And she turned her sharp eyes onto you.

“You need to be more careful with the books, especially books such as these! Plenty of these older books are no longer in print and you are very, very, very lucky that you didn’t destroy a book that can no longer be replaced! This book at the very least had a few copies left in existence.”

You felt your stress levels spike up for a bit. It could’ve been worse, you realized. It could’ve been so much worse.

She continued, annoyance in her tone, “Many students would simply try to pretend that they didn’t have anything to do with the ruining a book in the first place.”

You chuckled nervously. That technically ended up being your first plan when Headmistress Miranda blackmailed you into working for her.

“So thank you. For taking the time and effort to replace the book in the first place,” she finished, her voice a bit more kinder than before.

That eased your mind a little. “So… I won’t be banned from the library?” you asked timidly.

The librarian shook her head and replied, “Considering that you made the effort to replace this older book? No, you won’t be. Just be more careful next time.”

You mentally whooped in happiness. With the cloud of a library ban no longer hanging over your head, you decided to reward yourself by getting peppermint tea at the café.

After you made your order, Elena checked up on you, “How are you holding up?”

You knew instinctively she was referring to you being fired and the way you were fired.

“I’m doing alright. At the very least, I don’t have to deal with her taking her anger out on me anymore,” you said wearily. Thinking back to how she last looked and screamed out at you… it still made you anxious.

Elena nodded in sympathy and held out your tea to you, “This one is on the house.”

You shook your head, reaching for your money and placing it onto the counter, saying, “You don’t have to, Elena. I can pay for it.”

Elena pushed your money back towards you and continued to hold your tea out to you. “I insist,” she said.

“You’re sure?” you checked again.

She nodded, replying, “You deserve it, weary traveler.”

“Alright. Thanks, Elena,” you said, accepting the tea with gratitude.

“Don’t mention it. We’re friends. But seriously, don’t mention that I gave you free tea, or god forbid Cassandra will hear of it and come in here with her own sad stories expecting that I’ll give her free coffee.”

You giggled at that, and Elena seemed satisfied that she made you laugh. You bid each other goodbye as you left the café.

You decided to take a walk on the forest path nearby, sipping your peppermint tea here and there. You loved nature but you haven’t been able to go on walks since your life became so hectic when you started working for Miranda. But now, with a little bit more time on your hands for the next few days until you started your new job with Bela, you were going to enjoy some walks in the woods.

You wondered idly if Bela also enjoyed walks in the woods. As you kept walking, you eventually noticed a crow sitting atop a branch a few feet above your head, staring right at you. Its stare was unnerving, but you figured it was just a curious little guy who meant no harm. You gave the crow a small wave before turning around and going back the way you came. The sun was setting and you didn’t want to be in the woods after dark.

You heard a sharp caw and the crow flew down, landing right in front you, blocking your path back to the dorms. You took a few steps back, not wanting to agitate it. You’ve read horror stories of people accidentally pissing off crows and you didn’t want to be a victim yourself.

The crow dropped something shiny down onto the ground and then it backed up a bit as well. You looked at the crow and it continued to look at you. A few moments passed in a strange silence. You weren’t quite sure what you were supposed to do. Then it bounded forward, picking the shiny thing and then dropping it closer to you. It then bounded back, looking up at you and then to the shiny thing and then back up to you again.

“Is… is that for me?” you asked in pure confusion. It cawed in what you thought was the affirmative. You had never seen or heard of a crow acting like this before. Well, there was that one crow with a knife, but that was different.

This crow wasn’t threatening you. It was trying to gift you something.

You reached down and picked up the crow’s gift.

It was a simple silver chain necklace.

“Thank you for the gift,” you told the crow sincerely. The crow seemed to preen at your thanks before flying off.

You kept the necklace in your hand the whole time as you made your way back to the dorms until you were able to deposit it in the little box which housed little odds and ends that meant something to you.

A crow gave you a gift. You wondered if this was a good omen since you and Bela seemed to be getting closer.

As you strode through the library to the shared study room, a brunette woman approached and began to follow you, saying “Heard Headmistress Miranda fired you.”

“I’m sure everyone did,” you said curtly. Was this the thing you were going to be known for for the rest of your university career? You were getting a little tired of people bringing it up. And then you were racking your brain for her name, you knew you’ve seen her before. Then you remembered.

“Did you need something, Mia? I have to get going with studying,” you stated as politely as you could, pausing in front of the study room. You and Mia had no classes together, you were pretty sure she wasn’t going to ask for homework help.

Mia smiled at you, unnerving you, “Can I study with you?”

You squinted at her in confusion, wondering who asks to study with someone they’ve never spoken to before, let alone someone they have no classes with, and as you were about to tell her no, Bela seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and stood close to you, your arms slightly brushing.

“What are you doing here, Mia?” Bela asked coolly.

Mia smiled sunnily at her, “Just asking them over here if I can study with them.”

You spoke up quickly, going for a diplomatic answer, “Sorry Mia, the answer is no. Not today.” You were going to honor what Bela asked of you. And you really didn’t know what to think of Mia and her request.

Before Mia could say anything else, Bela cut in, coolness still apparent in her tone, “You heard them.”

Mia dropped her smile and rolled her eyes in annoyance, switching the topic and addressing Bela alone, “I know you have a study room all to yourself, Bela. How long are you reserving that room for? Are you keeping it all for yourself for the next six months? The rest of the students need the study rooms too.”

Bela frowned and became quiet at that, clearly thinking over her response. You wondered to yourself if students can really reserve study rooms for that long. But then again, Bela was probably an exception due to her student council president status and maybe also because of her mom being a professor on campus. Then you remembered that she had mentioned at some point that she was able to reserve your guys’ study room for the entire year.

“Yes,” Bela said. “I’m keeping it for the next six months and the rest of my time here. No one else is getting the room,” she paused, then said, “The rest of the students can use the other study rooms. The library has plenty of them.”

Mia sighed in irritation and turned back to you, saying, “Well, let me know when you change your mind. I still hope we can study together sometime.” And with that, she walked away, whistling a tune that you couldn’t name.

You looked up at Bela. And she was frowning still. You got the urge in your hands to gently rub her frown away. But you didn’t. Instead, you remarked, “Mia’s pretty odd, huh?”

When she looked at you, her eyes softened, with that familiar look you still haven’t figured out yet, but made your heart beat harder and faster all the same.

“She is. But she’s also dedicated. I’ll give her that.”

Wednesday came with another gift from a crow and this time, it was a pretty silver ring, the size of your ring finger, which made you smile. You picked it up and thanked the crow as it flew off. You weren’t sure what you did to make the crow want to give things to you, but you appreciated it all the same. You made sure to store it in the little box along with the silver chain.

Later that day, you were at Bela’s apartment where she was putting you through the training for the position. You sat at her kitchen table, your laptops out and papers off to the side. You asked her about the interview process and she told you that this was the interview process.

“So I’m going to hand you a few memos we’ve had in the past and you’re going to write up a few mock emails for them based on those memos. And then we’ll go over them and I’ll point what needs to be improved and what you did well.”

“Alright.” And so you got to writing.

You wrote your first few emails and showed them to her. She read through them and then said, “Okay. None of these are able to edited. They’re all missing something important.”

“What?! But I made sure to word everything politely, I checked my punctuation and spelling, I’m sure my sentence structure is fine.”

“You checked all of those boxes, yes. But you also worded everything pretty similarly in each email.”

“Doesn’t that make sense though? Since they’re all for the same request? Which is to come to the university to conduct a workshop?”

“Think about like this: if you received an email like this, would you accept this request?”

“… Mmmm… If I was desperate enough?…”

She chuckled, “Alright, I’ll reword my question. Imagine you’re a well-known and world-renowned artist. And someone sends you an email requesting your time and energy like this. Would you accept this request?”

You gave it some thought.

“…no…”

She was laughing at you again, but it was okay. Her laugh was pretty.

“Why would you not accept this request?”

“Because… these emails are only requesting my time and energy. Sure, they’re offering me money. But the language feels… robotic, technical. It makes me feel like I’m not really a person to them, just something to get something from in a sense. And there’s no mention of valuing or appreciating the works I created, not even… specific ones…” you trailed off, beginning to realize your mistakes.

“So… what do you think you need to do to improve these emails?”

You looked up at the ceiling. And then you said, “I think.. I think I have to do some background research on the people I’m reaching out to. I have to do research on the works they’ve created. And I have to express what I truly value and appreciate about the works they’ve created.”

She smiled proudly at you, “You’re getting it now.”

“Bela?”

“Yes?”

“What if I can’t find something to value or appreciate about the art?”

“My mother once told me that there’s always something to appreciate about someone’s art. It could be the energy, the colors, the brushstrokes, the lines, the shapes, even just the subject of the art itself. You just have to keep looking until you find it.”

“I think that’s a wonderful philosophy,” you acknowledged. But you couldn’t help but wonder. “What if I truly can’t find anything to like or appreciate about the art? Like, I just can’t vibe with any aspect of it?”

Bela hummed thoughtfully to herself, then she commented, “If you truly can’t find anything you like or appreciate about the art, just keep in mind there is always someone who does and others who will. So maybe try to put yourself in their shoes and write the email from their point of view. You could also just research what their fans like and love most about their art and go from there.”

You considered what she said for a few moments. To you, it sounded similar to acting, like researching and then playing a character. In this case, the character was simply a fan of the artist you were writing to. “That makes sense. You’re very wise and intelligent, Bela,” you said, praising her.

Bela sipped her hibiscus tea and then said nonchalantly, “Of course I am.” You wondered if it was a trick of the afternoon sunlight dancing on her skin or if she was really blushing.

This moment…

“Are you blushing?” you asked, grinning. In the back of your mind, you noted down that she must really liked being praised.

Feels… intimate…

“No!” she retorted too quickly. You decided to give her some grace and not push it further.

And familiar…

You spent the rest of the afternoon with Bela, finding an increasing appreciation for her voice as she explained things to you, the way her hands flexed and moved as they typed, the way her face scrunched when you made a terrible pun, the way she knew how to handle you when you decided to be a brat.

It would be nice to be hers, you thought, but I at least understand when a dream is just a dream.

Chapter Text

Amore Et Melle Et Felle Es Fecundissimus
(Love Is Rich With Honey And Venom)

The beauty of your new job was that it was remote. You didn’t need to get up at a certain time and rush to the office. You were able to work from anywhere you wanted. And the work scheduling was also flexible, you just needed to send in the emails for editing by the deadline. But even with those perks, you decided that keeping your work strictly separate from your dorm room was the best thing to do, even though you loved the idea of simply working from your dorm.

Because your roommates were currently tipsy and banging on your door to join them in going out to the bar.

“Come on!! We haven’t hung out in a while!! You’re always busy with studying or working!” Angie yelled through your door.

Yeah, you really couldn’t focus here. You shut your laptop and opened your door.

“Guys, I really don’t feel like drinking tonight…”

Angie pouted and it made you laugh. You reached out to pinch her cheeks and she swatted your hands away.

“No touching!”

“Alright, alright, no touching.”

“At least just be our designated driver?” she pleaded, her words slightly slurring together.

“I don’t have a license here,” you deadpanned.

“Our designated walker!” Daniela yelled out enthusiastically.

You rubbed your face with one hand. They were pretty tipsy and they should be having someone watch out for them. And you technically haven’t hung out with them for a while.

“Alright, fine, fine. Let’s go,” you said, hoping to get through the night without any mishaps. But knowing Angie, there were probably a few mishaps bound to happen.

The bar was full and loud. You saw a bunch of your classmates drinking and partying it up. And you were currently sitting in a booth alone, just doing your best to keep an eye on your friends as they continued to drink and mingle.

Angie was currently surrounded by a crowd as she continued to drink shot after shot after shot. You seriously wondered where all that alcohol went because she was always able to just walk it off like it was nothing.

You turned your head a bit and you saw Daniela and... MJ?… you thought was her name, you needed to get better at names of people outside of your social circle, talking and flirting. And now they were kissing and you whipped your head away and down so fast.

They both owed you for this, damn it. As you pulled out your phone to continue your Duolingo streak, someone decided to slip onto the opposite seat of your booth, the leather of the seat squeaking and grabbing your attention.

You looked up and you saw that it was Cinder. You have talked to her in passing and you both have helped each other with some school-related things a few times. You would place your relationship with her at the acquaintance level, since you didn’t know much about her.

“You don’t drink and party much, do you?” she asked, with amusement.

“Ah… no, not really,” you said sheepishly.

“Then why come out tonight?” she asked, curiosity in her tone.

“My friends asked me to watch out for them,” you stated readily.

She hummed thoughtfully, then said, “You’re sure you can’t have even one drink?”

“Nah, I’m good, thank you though,” you said firmly. You weren’t going to fall to peer pressure again tonight. You already did with Angie and Daniela, but you were also concerned with their safety.

“Alright then,” she said easily. Her eyes glanced at your empty glass of water.

“I’m gonna get myself something at the bar, you want me to fill up your water?” she inquired.

“Oh! Um… sure. Thank you.” It was nice of her to offer to do that for you.

She came back with a full glass of water and placed it down in front of you.

“Hey, if you ever get bored just hanging out here on your own, you could come hang with me and my friends over there,” she pointed to a corner where all her friends, some of them being people you recognized, were talking among themselves.

“Alright. Thank you, and thank you for the water too,” you said sincerely.

She nodded at you and then left you to your solitude. You went back to your phone to continue your language learning for the day and you took a few sips of water.

And then a few moments later, you started to feel extremely disoriented. Your mind felt like it was fogging over and your body began to feel strange.

The water, you thought desperately, panic racing through your veins.

There was something in the water. You gritted your teeth and pushed yourself up from the table, looking for your friends. Through the haze of your vision, you couldn’t recognize their shapes and colors anywhere. You couldn’t see them. They were gone. You couldn’t see anything resembling Cinder and her friends either.

You were able to stumble outside. In your vision, everyone looked like blurry faces and figures. One of them started to approach you and you forced yourself to move away as fast as you could, almost tripping over your feet as you went. You turned down into what you figured to be a dark alleyway, hoping the darkness would hide you somehow. You slumped down against the wall and you pulled your phone out. You desperately tried to think of who to call, someone who could help you.

Bela. You needed to call Bela. She was always there for you. She would help.

But with your vision beginning to blur more and more and your hands shaking, you were unable to unlock your phone, your fingers sliding clumsily against your phone screen.

You heard a caw that seemed to come from right in front of you, and then fast, hurried footsteps approaching and getting louder. Then you were being picked up in strong arms and you struggled weakly against them, not wanting them to take you away but being unable to do anything about it.

Who is that? you thought, frantically, fear numbing your veins. You tried to fight them, but found that your body no longer responded to your desperate intentions. Please don’t hurt me. Please… don’t—

The last thing you saw before you succumbed to the darkness rapidly clouding your vision was a flash of blond hair illuminated by the light of the streetlamp.

Miranda remembered what it was like to sleep beside you even though it has been so long since then. When she picked you up in her arms, she felt like she could breathe normally again and though she had to part with you in order to place you in her car, she knew in the end, she would be able to hold you again when she had to bring you into her home. Just as she now knew and understood that when you finally remembered her, Eva, and who you really were, you would simply come home to her. And all would be right within her world.

She placed you on the side of the bed you always favored and contented herself with watching you for a while. After all, she hadn’t been able to see you this relaxed and serene in a long time. Whenever you’ve been around her nowadays, even for the last few lifetimes, you were always either frowning, glaring, or trying to hide your anger within a neutral face around her. And she supposed that you had a good reason for those reactions. She knew she hasn’t been very agreeable in how she has been treating you. But she couldn’t help it. Not after last time, not after when—

She stopped her thoughts before they could start to spiral out of control and bring her back to that moment in a time that no longer existed. No. She just had to keep focusing on achieving her goals. She just had to keep focusing on you and her and Eva. You were her soulmate. Hers and hers alone. You would always choose her, once you remembered everything you needed to. You told her that before, that she would only ever be the only one for you.

She hoped that she can make things better between you both in the morning. Mia reminded her that courting exists in the world. She hoped you appreciated what her crows gave you even though Mia made fun of her for it. She needed to take baby steps, everything was already so fragile between you both already. And Mia also bluntly told her that maybe apologizing for the way she screamed and fired you would be a good place to start too. Of all people, it took Mia to make her see that not all was lost yet. Mia had said to her that as long as she made you remember her and your true self fully and completely, it wouldn’t matter what had happened between you before, it wouldn’t matter to you what you remembered from your other lives. Your memories of your life with her, your love for her, would override everything else, every other memory, any other person that might have caught your eye.

“Even though they said those things, it’s not like they would stand by it once they remember who they truly are and who you are to them,” Mia reasoned with her.

When you woke up in the morning, she would tell you how she found you unconscious and brought you to safety in her home. That was the truth. However, the only reason she was able to find you was because one of her followers let her know that you were acting strangely when you left the bar and stumbled into an alleyway. But you didn’t need to know that. After she explained how she found you, she would apologize for screaming at you, for firing you, and she would make it up to you. Somehow. She fell asleep next to you, fighting the urge to reach out and hold you close.

Chapter Text

Sub Rosa
(Under The Rose)

When Miranda woke up and looked for you, she saw that you were not there beside her. Where would you have gone? Especially in that condition of yours? What if you were on the floor somewhere?

She got up and looked for you everywhere in her home, growing more frantic by the second. Nothing in her home was disturbed. None of the doors were opened. None of the windows were unlocked.

Where were you?

She went back through her memories, back to the moment to when she had picked you up and—

Curious. The more she focused on that particular moment, the more she could begin to sense that it didn’t actually belong in her memories. It was as if someone had to tried to paint over what had actually happened, deftly changing and hiding certain details, to give her the idea of what she truly wanted to happen. She tried to peel off the paint of the memory, but she wasn’t able to. All she could see was herself picking you up and then... bringing you back to her car and driving you to her home. Her mind kept insisting that this what had happened, but Miranda knew deep in her heart that that wasn’t what had occurred at all. You weren’t there with her. She never brought you home. You were still out there. She had no clue what happened to you or where you were.

Both anger and dread began to pool into her stomach. You were a helpless, little thing. What hope did you have to defend yourself against something that could distort even her own mind, her own memories?

Miranda picked up one of her vases and threw it against the wall. Hearing it shatter did not make her feel any better.

Something was going on. Something was messing with her memories on purpose. But who or what could it be? And why?

She called the Oracle.

“Yes, Mother Miranda?”

“They are missing. Find them.”

“Huh? What do you mean? You picked them up and brought them home with you, didn’t you? And there’s no way they would’ve been able to leave in that condition.”

It wasn’t just my memories, Miranda thought, gritting her teeth, terror beginning to expand in her chest, whoever or whatever it is tampered with the memories of my people as well.

“Someone or something has tampered with my memories and yours, making us believe that is what I did. Find. Them.”

A pause on the other side of the phone. “Understood.”

The call ended and Miranda finally allowed her wings to burst from her body. They trembled with her agitation, her worry, her panic.

She had to find you. As soon as possible. Once she had you, she wasn’t going to let you leave her sight again. And then she would hunt down the thing that tampered with her memories and spill their blood, and watch the life drain from their eyes over and over. She would kill them in every way imaginable, in every way they deserved until she was satisfied. Then and only then, would she obliterate them completely, leaving nothing but a smear of their own blood on the ground. It was a fitting punishment for anything or anyone that tried to interfere with her own mind.

When you woke up, you were not in your own bedroom. You were on a cot, staring up at the ceiling and you felt the need to throw up. You began to move around to look for something to contain it, like a bucket and thank the gods you found one right next to your cot. You grabbed it and began to vomit. In the midst of this, you heard the door open slowly and your heart began to race in fear, wondering who it was. When you finally looked up, you saw that it was Bela. Your heart jumped at the sight of her and then it began to relax, returning to its normal rhythm.

She handed you a glass of water after you finished your business with the bucket and you drank it hastily, wanting to wash away the aftertaste. Then you wiped your mouth with some of paper towels beside your cot, before looking up at her. She was not in her usual outfit. She was wearing more comfortable clothing, a dark blue cashmere sweater and gray joggers.

She wordlessly handed you a toothbrush and toothpaste, and you thanked her. You were grateful that you had the chance to clean your mouth. After you were done with brushing your teeth using the leftover water and bucket, she broke the silence, asking “How are you feeling?”

You laughed weakly, “I feel like shit.” You were quiet for a moment, trying to think over what had happened over the last few hours. Then you asked, “I was drugged, wasn’t I? I only had water and I don’t remember much from last night.”

Fury flared into her eyes, and she scowled, “Yes, you were.”

Her fury made you wince. Then you took the time to look around the room you were in. You were on a cot in the corner. There was one window surrounded by a variety of flowers, a luxurious red and gold wood trim couch at the opposite wall, a basic wooden table with a few chairs, a mini-fridge, and a filing cabinet that had strange symbols on the side of it.

You wanted to know who drugged you, why you were drugged, but you felt like it was more important to ask her, “Where are we? How did you know where to find me?”

She took a deep breath and sighed, before answering, “We’re in one of the rooms in the basement of my family’s mansion. We’re technically in the safest room we can be in.”

You felt confusion rise up in your mind. Safest? Why would this place be the safest?, you thought to yourself. Before you could ask, she continued, “As for your second question…” she trailed off, her expression growing conflicted. You sat there on the comfy little cot, waiting patiently for her to continue. You felt it was best to not rush her.

“Listen…” she began again. “I want to answer your questions. I really do and I will. But I feel like I should tell you… Well, technically show you, some other things first so that it all makes sense. Do you trust me on this?”

I do, your heart seemed to say as it danced to a faster beat. You trusted her with your life.

“I trust you.”

“Thank you,” she said with a relieved expression on her face.

“We’ll have breakfast first. And then I’ll show you. And once you see it, I'll... I'll explain everything.”

By breakfast, she meant that you would stay on the comfy cot in the room of her family’s basement, while she went to get what you said you preferred for breakfast. You asked her if she had plain toast and honey. She nodded and went to get it, leaving you on your own for now.

Your curiosity got the better of you and so you stood up, stumbling a little bit, and wandered over to the flowers resting on their own table near the window. When you got closer, you saw that most of the flower pots had names, one name for each pot.

Angie, Daniela, Cassandra, Alcina, Donna, Bela, My name… what is Bela doing with all of these flowers? Why place our names onto the flower pots? you wondered to yourself.

You also couldn’t for the life of you recognize the names of these flowers, except for the rose and the sunflower, but you thought they were all very pretty and somehow fitting for the name that had been written on their pots.

You wandered over to the cabinet with the strange symbols. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve said that the symbols were humming with a strange energy. It didn’t feel hostile, just strange. When you snuck a peek in the cabinet, you simply saw papers and other assignments for school that Bela had already completed.

Huh, well I guess that’s a place to store completed homework, you figured she must’ve saved them to reference for later or some other academic reason.

The door opened and you jumped. Bela walked in, holding a tray with your guys’ breakfast and drinks.

She quirked an brow at you, “Are you done snooping around?” she asked as she placed the tray down on the table.

You felt embarrassment crawl up your cheeks and your spine. You scrambled for what to say and settled on, “I’m sorry.”

She reassured you gently, saying, “Don’t be, I figured this would happen when I left you alone here.”

“I was just curious! I poked around but I didn’t touch anything or take anything out,” you confessed. You wanted to keep her trust, not lose it.

She smirked at you with slight amusement, “I’m not mad, but thank you for telling me regardless,” and then her face turned serious again, “They’re part of what I need to explain to you anyway.”

You blinked up at her. “Okay,” you said as you took a seat next to her and generously poured honey onto your fresh toast. You figured it would all make sense once she explained it.

She watched you until you took your first bite, nodding to herself, and then began to eat her own meal, a breakfast fruit bowl with granola and yogurt.

You ate in mostly silence, as it was broken from time to time when she offered you some fruit and you accepted, or when you offered her some honey for her fruit bowl and she declined, citing that the fruit was already sweet enough for her.

After you finished breakfast and she took everything back upstairs, you could sense that she was clearly struggling how to approach explaining whatever it is that needed explaining.

You were both sitting on the luxurious couch and you watched as she fidgeted with the rings on her fingers.

“Bela?” you called out softly.

“I know, I know,” she sighed heavily to herself, “Okay… I know this is going to sound crazy, but I need you to do something for me... A ritual to restore lost memories. I need you to drink this,” she said as she pulled out a small vial, filled with a purple liquid, from her pocket, “And I need you to recite these words firmly, like you are commanding it, with intention,” she continued, handing you both the vial and a slip of paper, “And then… once you remember, I can explain,” she finished, her tone soft and somewhat nervous.

You cradled the objects in your hand, inspecting at them, before you moved your gaze back to her. You had heard of strange and weird happenings within the school grounds. You weren’t sure what to think of her request.

Her face expression looked back at you, desperate and pleading. It made your heart ache again, harder this time. You understood she wanted you to believe her. And you felt as if your heart wanted you to believe her too.

“I lost some memories?” you reiterated quietly. You tried in that moment to sense if anything was off in your remembering. You reached through your memories, smoothing over them, feeling to see if there was anything different. And to your surprise, you felt it. A nagging feeling at the back of your mind, gaps where memories should’ve been. A void that was and shouldn’t have been. Your heart pulsed in your chest at your realization.

“Yes,” she whispered softly.

You eyed the vial curiously, “What’s this made of? Are there any side effects from taking this?”

She clenched her hands, looking at the vial too, “It’s made of water and flowers that represent memory, such as Forget-Me-Nots, Rosemary, and Gladioli. And the journal said the drinker would probably be overwhelmed at first. You may fall unconscious, but I won’t let any harm come to you. I’ll keep you safe as you recover.”

You looked at Bela. You thought about everything she has done for you, everything she has helped you with, how she saved you when you were alone and drugged. And beyond all that, you felt the powerful, inexplicable urge in your heart to do what she asked.

“I just have to drink it all and say these words?” you checked again.

She nodded, looking at the slip of paper again, “Although, I should probably give you the pronunciation first.”

She was right, she needed to. You didn’t know much about Latin, even though it intrigued you.

After she repeated the words a few times and you parroted them back to her, you were ready.

You uncorked the vial, downed it in one go, pleasantly surprised that it didn’t taste as bad as you thought it would, and spoke these words out loud as a command, like she instructed:

“Meminerunt Omnia Amantes!

Meminerunt Omnia Amantes!

Meminerunt Omnia Amantes!“

You sat there and looked at the slip of paper for a bit, waiting, before you looked back up at her expectant but wary face.

You began to say, “I’m not sure if—”

Suddenly, waves upon waves of memories crashed into your mind. You were drowning in them, gasping, as you clutched at your head. Each wave seemed to dissolve more and more of the barrier that forced you to forget.

The last thing you heard as you submerged underneath the waves of your memories was Bela desperately whispering, “No no no, please be okay, please be alive, please—”

Chapter Text

Astra Inclinant, Sed Non Obligant
(The Stars Incline Us, They Do Not Bind Us)

You didn’t know where you were. But you knew you were floating further and further down. Too many voices. Too many memories. They all overlapped over one another, like different colors of paint mixing in and swirling, leaving only abstract designs in their wake. A chorus of voices and conversations, some sounded pleasurable, some sounded as if there was only pain. Love was the common shape among them all. And then… they started to make sense.

“—iranda..”

“…Eva!!”

“We’ll bring her back…”

“—avian goddess…”

“—choose you every time—”

“Romeo—”

“—star..”

“…coffee—”

“…worried about you—”

“—wait in the car for me—”

“—such a good kisser…”

“…no matter where we go—”

“—roses look good on you…”

“Model for me—”

“you were going to leave—”

“—I won’t let you go…”

“—doesn’t matter how many times I have to do this, who you go to, what you do, I will reset this as many times as I fucking HAVE TO!

“—kitten, are you ready?”

“Bela!”

“Bela…?”

“BELA!”

You gasped for air, breathing heavily, and then you found yourself in front of a large house surrounded by plenty of trees, plenty of forest. You were in one specific memory, that much you understood.

You heard a car coming up the road and watched in wonder as Bela stepped out from the driver’s seat and you from the passenger’s side. And then you heard young giggling as the memory of you opened the door.

A young blonde girl tumbled out happily, smiling up at you as she raised her arms up in the air, still giggling from the jokes you made in the car.

This memory of you picked her up, laughing and hugging her tightly as you did so, “Up we go, Sherry!”

You remembered this life now. It was the 18th one you had with Bela, the 24th one overall. It was the last recent run. You had joined the student council later on in the first semester because Bela asked you personally, citing your work ethic. She was so soft with you in this one compared to the first life you lived together.

Once you both asked Miranda to give Bela’s heart back and it was done, Bela had asked you to leave Romania with her as soon as possible, not even bothering to finish the semester. And this was the first life where you said yes. She barely spoke to her family as a way to protect the both of you, even though you knew it hurt her to not talk with them. You two got married within two years time and had a quiet ceremony by the beach. It was so lovely. She was so lovely.

You both were on the move a lot in the beginning, avoiding the cult and its reach. Bela told you that she still planned to take the cult down and rescue her family, but she needed to make sure that the both of you were sufficiently secure and protected first. You didn’t fully understand the strange symbols she used or how they worked, you just knew they hid you and Bela from Miranda and the cult, and she didn’t have to sacrifice anyone or anything to make them work. So you trusted her judgment and supported her as much as you could, always taking the rune stones she gave you wherever you went for your own protection and safety.

Eventually, you and Bela both decided to volunteer at a foster care agency together. She wanted to support the children and you wanted to support her in whatever she did. At some point, you both met a young girl during your time volunteering there.

Her name was Sherry Birkin and she was seven years old. She was a safe haven baby, her mother had simply left her at a fire station and disappeared not long after, and so Sherry grew up in the foster care system. She was a sweet girl, smart, quiet and timid. Bela seemed to grow attached and fond of her, and you thought it was because Sherry may have reminded Bela of herself when she was younger, based on the few stories Bela told you. You ultimately grew to be fond of Sherry too, because you saw the fighting spirit she had underneath her quiet and timid nature.

Eventually, Bela asked you if you would be open to adopting a child and if you would be alright with adopting Sherry. Of course, you didn’t mind it at all, you already were fond of Sherry and loved her too. After all, it had been five years and you thought to yourself that Mother Miranda must’ve forgotten you and Bela by now, that she had already considered you two not worth bothering with, and that would leave you and Bela with the element of surprise when it came time to take her and the cult down. And what Bela did with the symbols and the rune stones had never failed either of you. It didn’t fail Sherry when you both finally adopted her and the three of you had been a family for two years.

But you were wrong. This memory of you didn’t know that yet. Did Bela remember all of this?

You watched as you and your family walked up the steps to your house and opened the door.

You didn’t want to watch. But you forced yourself to, following after them, keeping your eyes to the ground until you entered through the doorway.

You finally looked up and saw Miranda’s back towards you and your family as she gazed upon the photos of your family upon the mantle of the fireplace. You remembered the dread, the terror that struck your heart. The question ‘How did she find us?’ repeating itself rapidly over and over in your head as you tried to figure out what to do to protect your family.

“Mommy? Who’s that in our living room?” you heard Sherry ask Bela innocently.

At Sherry’s voice, Miranda turned around slowly. You watched her direct an acidic glare at you and your family. You couldn’t make sense of her glare back then. But now that you remembered, you could read her clearly.

The fury, the heartache, the betrayal, deep within the lines of her face. To her, you betrayed her and Eva. By choosing someone else, by having another family.

When Miranda spoke, it was soft but deadly, “Who is this child?”

“She’s none of your business, Miranda,” Bela gritted out. “Leave us. Now.”

Miranda paid her no mind. She only looked at the memory of you, with rage and tears in her eyes.

“I know you miss having her around too. I know you miss having and being a family. But I’m almost there. I am so close to bringing her back. And I can’t do it without you. So please, come here…” she said, the gentleness in her voice scaring you more than the rage in her eyes, and she lifted a hand towards you, clad with her claws of gold, “So I can make this right.”

You were pushed back, still holding Sherry protectively in your arms, Bela forcing her way in front of you, using her body to shield you both.

“You. Are. Not. Touching. My. Family,” Bela growled out forcefully.

At Bela’s words, Miranda snapped.

She transformed in front of your eyes, crows bursting from her winged form before flying back into her, and lunged at Bela, grabbing her and throwing her into the wall. The memory of you was already running up the stairs with Sherry screaming and crying in your arms and they placed her in her room, telling her quickly, “Sherry, sweetheart, hide just like we taught you and stay quiet, okay? We’ll be right back for you.”

You had kissed her on the forehead and closed the door. You heard shuffling in her room, you knew she was doing what you asked of her.

You watched yourself as you quickly grabbed Bela’s shotgun from the secret compartment in your guys’ bedroom. You had argued with her about that shotgun, the necessity of it in your home, but she was adamant on using it as a form of protection, as self-defense. She never forced you to learn with her, but you had watched her practice.

You jumped down the stairs to face Miranda. You saw Bela, looking dazed, being held down on the ground by Mia. And you saw yourself point the shotgun at Miranda.

Miranda looked deceptively bored as she stared back at you. “Do you really think that can affect me?”

“What do you want from us, Miranda?” you asked harshly, with desperation bleeding through.

Miranda seemed to debate on her answer. Finally, she spoke bluntly, “I want you. And I want our Eva, our baby. I want us to be together again, like you promised.”

You watched as you frowned in profound shock and disbelief, and held onto the shotgun tighter.

“Eva?? Who’s Eva?! And I never promised you that, I never said—”

You did. Or at least, a version of you did. You remembered.

“That’s because YOU DON’T REMEMBER!” She screamed at you. Her wings trembled as she gasped heavily.

You watched yourself shoot her without hesitation, the gunshot ringing in your ears. You had hoped in that moment that she would fall. She simply looked down at her abdomen, where the wound resided, blood leaking through her dress. And then she moved her golden gaze back to the memory of you. You watched your own eyes widened in terror, the realization that this woman was more powerful, more dangerous than you originally thought, and you were no match for her, slamming into you, making you feel as if you were drowning in ice water.

“I am incredibly patient, my love. But even this is testing my limits.”

She flashed forward, swiftly grabbing you by the throat and throwing you out the door, the shotgun falling out of your hands. You heard Bela cry out for you and you watched yourself hit the pavement back first, grunting in pain, and as you tried to scramble away from her gliding towards you.

You looked up at her defiantly with tears in your eyes, watching as she reached for you.

“WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO RIP APART MY FAMILY?! FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN DELUSIONAL GOALS!?” you shouted at her. You remembered the pure fury and hatred you felt towards Miranda, the terror and despair at not being able to do anything to help Bela and Sherry.

She was gripping your shirt tightly, preparing to reset you. And you kept trying to fight her hold, trying in vain to rip her hands off you.

She paused, her eyes filled with terrible intensity and yearning, boring into yours. Then she said, “I do.”

You watched yourself struggle as her hand pressed gently against your forehead and you remembered all of your thoughts in that moment. You thought only of Bela and Sherry and what would happen to them once Miranda was finished with you. You thought only of your family, your wife and child.

And then you were in your ocean of memories again, floating, gasping, with tears streaming down your face.

You had an entire life with Bela. You were married. You had adopted a wonderful child named Sherry. And then it was taken away by Miranda.

You held onto that memory even as you felt the restructuring of all your memories, like rivers learning to rush side-by-side, within you and around you. More and more of them kept surging towards you, staggering you.

As you remembered your current life and its many time loops, you felt… everything. Everything. In your blood, in your bones. These memories felt alive, vibrant and strong to you, resonated with your heart fully. You felt like yourself in these memories. But then there were the memories of your… first life, you supposed, with Miranda. These two sets of memories were like two clashing colors, both fully saturated and therefore fighting for dominance in your mind.

Your mind began to reach out for the memories of your childhood in this life, as if it was looking for something that could anchor you, help you figure out who you were.

You grew up in the Philippines and lived there for a while. Always surrounded by family and their love. You had a dog with you growing up. You were the only child. Your family was considered odd by many of your neighbors, in the sense your family was much more liberal and open-minded in their thinking and beliefs. You already had older cousins that were gay, lesbian, bi, etc, so your parents weren’t surprised or upset when you told them at the tender age of seven that you thought girls were cute. Your father simply picked you up and told you seriously that no matter who you ended up loving, he and your mother would always love you and support you.

Your parents were not religious but they were spiritual in a sense, and they passed down their perspectives to you. From them, you learned all human life had worth, certain actions shouldn’t be taken if it hurt others in the process, and how to let go of things or other people when you needed to.

Your father also did his best to teach you to follow your heart and your intuition, much to the chagrin of your mother. But then he would tell her that if he didn’t follow his heart and intuition, he would have never met her at the restaurant with his friends. He didn’t want to go, he was so tired that day, but he also felt like he needed to go there anyway. And then your mother would blush heavily and say nothing after that.

When you were past the age of ten, your father used to quote ‘Momento Mori’ often, mostly because he didn’t want you to fear death, whether it was yours or others, like his brother did.

“It always hurts when someone is taken away from us. We always feel that it is too soon. But every living being has its cycle, inday. And even when they have passed on, they still live on in our hearts, in our memories, as long as we keep honoring them and remembering them. One day, we will all be in the great beyond together, and we can talk again with each other of our experiences and the things we’ve seen. Death really only is a goodbye for now,” your father told you gently, hugging you tightly as you at the tender age of 11 were completely cried out over having to put down your dog who couldn’t walk anymore, the beloved companion you’ve had for the majority of your life.

Eventually, you moved to America before high school started. You remembered your mother telling your father that she wanted you to have better opportunities for your school and work, and that she wanted you to have a better life than she had growing up.

When you opted to not go to college after finishing high school, they still supported you even though your mother was a bit scared. Your father on the other hand didn’t mind it since he had done something similar, he didn’t finish school but ended up creating his own successful business within the booming tech sector. You told them your plan of working and of traveling the world to figure yourself out, and they told you that if you ever needed to come home, then do so, because they would always be there for you.

Your parents checked in on you every few months, always letting you know they loved you and were thinking of you, and you did the same with them. You immensely appreciated the space and freedom they gave you.

When you told them about the scholarship you got for the Miranda’s All-Girls University in Romania and told them you were going to go, they were surprised but supportive all the same. They told you to not rush in deciding your major right away, that exploring what you liked was more important.

They saw you off when you left for Romania. They told you when they finished doing their six month long nature retreat in Thailand, where they couldn’t use their cellphones, that they would come visit you in Romania in the summer.

And then you arrived in Romania, not knowing what you were getting yourself into. Falling in love. The cult. The time loops. Making choices that led you down different paths with different people. And then Miranda finding you both, making you both forget, and starting everything over again.

Cassandra’s love for you felt dramatic and passionate. It was exciting to be with her, to have her attention. With Cassandra, you felt proud to be hers.

Angie’s love for you felt like springtime. Fresh, young, and innocent. There was no burning passion, but there didn’t need to be. You still had the intimacy and closeness that you wanted and craved.

Daniela’s love felt cozy and comforting. You loved the feeling of her strong arms around you. The events leading you to get together felt like a romantic comedy with a dash of horror at the end. Being on the run with her and her family, avoiding Miranda and the cult, you had felt no regret.

Alcina’s love made you feel like you had gotten the attention of a beautiful queen that everyone had to bow down to. But she bowed to you instead. All the strength she had, she placed in your hands.

Donna’s love felt sweet, possessive, but yet all-encompassing, all-consuming. And you were happy to be devoured by her. Miranda’s actions and words in that life also made sense to you now.

With Bela… her total focus on work bothered you at first. You thought she needed to loosen up more. But you also wanted to prove to her that you were also capable of doing the work. When she brought you soup that one day when you were sick, you realized that she did care for you, even though she tried to hide it behind her snark. You’re not sure when you started to fall for her. You already knew she was a goddess in human form, any person would know that, but then you saw the softness she did her best to not show. And then when she got her heart back, her intensity towards you was startling but yet very much appreciated.

Bela’s love felt intense and deep, as if you could drown in it. There were hints of possessiveness within her ocean. But it also made you feel safe, secure, and comforted. That even if you did drown, she would make sure to bring you up for air. She worked hard at your relationship, you never felt like you were handling any relationship issues all on your own. She made it clear that she supported you, cherished your trust, respected your boundaries, and respected your decisions even if she didn’t fully like or agree with them. And you worked hard to make sure she felt the same in return. What made everything easier was that both of your core values, ideals, and aspirations were similar or aligned in some way.

Bela and the way she loved called to you the most. So it was no wonder to you why you kept finding your way back to her and only her after the first life with her. Your heart remembered when your mind didn’t. Your heart simply never forgot her.

Then the memories of your past life with Miranda rushed vehemently into your mind’s eye. They were just as strong and vibrant, but it felt as if you were watching a movie of yourself, you playing a role where you made choices that you yourself wouldn’t make, said things you yourself wouldn’t say, and felt many things you yourself didn’t really feel. And yet it still felt so real.

The first memory of your past life with Miranda was Mia, and how you had earned her friendship. It was during elementary school, the first grade, and she was sitting alone at table during lunch, with no food in front of her. You had approached her, asking her bluntly why she didn’t have any food and she had lashed out at you for it, threatening you to cut you with her small knife. But that didn’t deter you. You offered her half of your sandwich, which she eyed suspiciously, but ultimately took and scarfed down. You didn’t know her situation, but you decided you would bring her food every day. And eventually, she warmed up to you and you two became an inseparable duo. She always had your back and you always had hers.

When your parents found out you were into women when you were 18 years old, they kicked you out and disowned you. Mia couldn’t take you to live with her because her family situation wasn’t the best either. You somehow managed to survive on your own, with some help from Mia, until you were taken in by an older gentleman. At first, you thought he was trying to use you, but he revealed quickly that he was only into men and that he did want to help you since he knew you both were similar in being attracted to the gender your families didn’t want for you both. Mia was extremely relieved that you finally had a safe place to stay.

The older gentleman was a renowned doctor. You ended up becoming his assistant and he taught you everything he knew. He supported your dreams of becoming a doctor even though you had lived in a society that believed that people like you couldn’t be doctors. He also introduced you to some concepts of Buddhism because he was a Buddhist himself and even though you did not agree with his Buddhist beliefs, you respected them because of how he had helped you.

On a random day, you had bumped into a beautiful but rude blonde woman and helped her with her things. She was your type but you believed you weren’t hers. You had believed that she probably had a rich husband waiting for her somewhere. You figured you would never see each other again. But somehow you kept bumping into each other, and eventually became friends. And then one day, something more. You had fallen in love with Miranda, and her with you. Eventually, you both decided to have a family and you both gained Eva, who was the darling of your lives.

And then you both lost her. You both had lost Eva.

You had loved Miranda dearly to the point of agreeing to find any way to bring back the child you both lost, and to achieve immortality, so that you both could stay together forever.

The way Miranda loved you was like a raging inferno, strong enough to dry up entire oceans. She left you wanting more and you wanted to be consumed by her, by her love. You promised her that you would always choose her every time.

You had killed for Miranda, your avian goddess, happily. You did not necessarily enjoy killing. It was for the sake of her experiments, for the sake of bringing back Eva. Many people died at the end of your scalpel. But it didn’t matter to you, in that life, you believed fully that the ends justified the means. It was done out of love for Miranda and for your daughter. So it was alright.

You made sure that no one else knew what you were doing, not even Mia. She was your best friend, the only person you trusted other than Miranda. You didn’t want her to feel afraid of you. You were always going to protect her and Miranda and eventually Eva when she returned, no matter what.

And then you died by someone else's knife. The last thing you remembered feeling was pure dread and sorrow at leaving Miranda and Mia alone.

You watched yourself live a completely different life, a life that had existed once, a life that frightened you because of the things the ‘You’ in that life said and did. It was painful and overwhelming to learn that this was the first life you had lived. You felt as if you were a white rose and these memories were trying to paint you in red. You didn’t want to be red. But the paint you could accept was saturated with memories of Eva, your daughter who deserved better than to have her life cut short, and Mia, your steadfast best friend, and your love and care for them both.

There was a part of you that wished for Eva’s return. Another part of you understood it was too costly, that it wasn’t fair to sacrifice others to bring back one person. But you acknowledged that if you could bring her back without having to sacrifice others, you would do it.

You could also accept that you did love and care for Miranda on some level, but you felt that it wasn’t the same as the ‘You’ that lived that life. It was confusing, but it somehow made sense.

So many memories. You closed your eyes. You were so tired, your mind felt jumbled. The memories kept swirling around you, overlapping, separating, and back again, all of them demanding your attention, the memories of your life with Miranda trying to tell you who you were and what you should want. You felt as if you were losing yourself, as if you were in a whirlpool of memories that were threatening to drag you further and further down.

Who am I really? you wondered desperately to yourself, Who am I supposed to be?

Then the scenery shifted around you, and you were in another memory. Another one of your current life. It was your English classroom in high school.

You watched your teenage self slump in a chair, as your English teacher sat calmly at his desk, waiting for an explanation as to why you, a star student, newly transferred from the Philippines, decided to pull the fire alarm even when you didn’t want to, pulling everyone out of their classes and allowing a bunch of delinquent students to sneak off campus. You knew he had intervened and made sure he was able to talk to your first, because you overheard the vice principal grumbling as to why you shouldn’t be sent to the principal’s office immediately. You had pulled the fire alarm in the first place, one of the many things you had done for them, because the delinquents were the only ones who would talk to you, invite you to hang out with them, and they threatened to kick you out if you didn’t do as they said. Eventually you wanted to leave them, you didn’t want to do the things they asked, but their leader scared you, and you didn’t know how to go about it, you didn’t know how to stand up for yourself at that time.

You understood a few years later that they were just trying to take advantage of your naivety and insecurities.

“I just… I wanted to fit in with them. In the beginning. But now— I regret the things I’ve done for them. And I don’t… I don’t know how to leave the group,” your freshman self mumbled, after finishing their explanation of why they did what they did.

Your teacher, Mr. Door, didn’t say anything for a while. Then he asked, “You wanted to feel as if you belonged somewhere, when you first joined them?”

Your teenage self nodded meekly and didn’t look up.

He got up from his desk and moved towards the windows, looking through them. To where, you didn’t know then. And you didn’t know now either.

“I remember feeling that way as a young kid too. I did a bunch of things in order to belong to this… group, this gang. As time went on, I was able to realize and accept I wasn’t one of them, I could never be, and I had regretted the things I had done. And when I chose to leave, they were angry. I could handle their anger at that point. What mattered was that I was following what felt right to me and by doing so, I felt like I belonged within myself,” he paused for a few moments before continuing, “A lot of people still thought of me as that same person who did those things back then. But then I learned from a mentor that it didn’t matter what others expected or believed about me. What matters are the choices I make in each moment. And the fact that I can always choose who I am going to be, that I can always walk away from a situation I no longer want to be a part of. No matter what I’ve done before.”

Mr. Door turned to look at your teenage self, who was still looking at the floor. You remembered thinking really hard about what he had said to you. You respected him greatly and you were grateful that he didn’t just yell at you. You understood that he was trying to help you, guide you to your own path.

“So… You’re saying I need to follow what’s right to me? Even if it means making other people angry? Even if it means being alone?”

You watched as Mr. Door’s eyes seemed to fill with a forlorn mist as he said, “It’s much more important to be loyal to what you feel is right for you. And when you follow what’s right to you, you’ll find people on the way who are walking the same path as you, the same direction as you. You’re not going to be alone.”

He was right about that. With his words and encouragement after, you finally stood up for yourself and cut ties with the delinquent group. Then you threw yourself into clubs that interested you, where you ended up making friends with all sorts of people. Many of your classmates still brought up your stunt from freshman year, but over time, you and them moved on from it. You had thrived in the end.

“I can always choose who I am going to be? I can always walk away from something I don’t want to be part of? No matter what I’ve done before?” your freshman self reiterated thoughtfully, finally looking up at him, your eyes shining with uncertainty.

Mr. Door nodded and said firmly, “You can always choose who you are going to be. You can always choose to leave certain things and people behind.”

Then the memory faded into a fine mist and you were floating among your memories again. Your old English teacher’s words kept echoing around you, an answer to the question you had asked yourself earlier.

It was then everything clicked for you and you firmly made your decision.

You refused to be the version of you in the first life with Miranda. Going back to her, going back to that life, didn’t feel right to you, to your heart. Your heart wanted someone else, your heart wanted Bela, and you held different values and beliefs now, better ones in your honest opinion, and you were going to stick by them.

What felt right to you was this current life. What felt right to you was being with Bela Dimitrescu. You felt your heartbeat become harder, stronger, and faster when you thought of her. You wondered if your heart was leading you to her all along.

You wondered when you would wake up from this place, so that you could tell her.

Over the din of your memories, you heard a beautiful voice singing softly. You knew it wasn’t from a memory, it sounded as if it came from outside of you. You swam up as much as you could, which was much easier to do now since you had made your choice, in order to hear it more clearly.

Is that Bela’s voice? you wondered in awe.

“Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You’re safe, no one can find you
Your fears are far behind you…“

She continued to hum the tune.

You loved that song. You remembered singing it one day while you were washing the dishes in your shared home. And she came up behind you, hugging you, and joining in quietly. It surprised you and it made you so happy. You tried to turn around to look at her, but she wouldn’t let you. She was so embarrassed but she still wanted to sing with you.

“Love me—That’s all I ask of you…”

You did love her and you always would. You just hoped that she would still love you after she learned of who you were, who you used to be, during another life long ago.

And the sound of her voice soothed you, to the point where you felt yourself slipping into a gentle sleep, where you dreamed of you, her, Sherry, and Eva living together happily in a much more peaceful time.

Chapter Text

Lux In Tenebris Lucet
(The Light That Shines In The Darkness)

Bela already had enough on her plate to deal with when she began her sophomore year at Miranda’s All-Girls University. Her classes, the student council, figuring out her next steps after university, working in her mother’s business in the communications department, and then on top of all of those things, finding out that the Headmistress of her school was the leader of a cult and the school was only a front for said cult. A cult her mother was a part of and that one of her sisters was being indoctrinated into. She had investigated around a bit and decided to confront Miranda about it all. Then Miranda captured her, had her strapped to a chair, performed an ancient ritual, and somehow removed her heart while keeping her alive.

“What did you do to me?” Bela sneered out coldly as she struggled against the tight bindings of her chair. The rage she felt before at being captured and restrained now felt like it was behind a thick wall of glass. She could sense that it was there, but the heat of her rage was too faint to feel. She felt empty. A husk of a person.

“I removed your heart,” Miranda said in a snide, matter-of-fact tone, her eyes as well as her hands glowing red as they held a jar, which now contained a human heart that wasn't there before.

My heart, Bela realized with a sense of horror she could not truly feel. She watched as Miranda's crow, Cornelius, flew down from his perch and settled on Miranda's arm. Then he pecked at the glass jar lightly with his beak, cawing quietly and seeming to eye her heart with a hungry stare.

“You can no longer feel anything, but even if you do, it will only feel like a faint shadow or an echo of what it truly is. Consider this a warning from me. But it is also in a sense, a gift. Now you can focus fully on your studies, your work, and your student council duties, without any pesky emotions getting in the way,” Miranda said scornfully. Bela bowed her head and said nothing. The horror of her heart being gone joined the rage behind the glass. She knew at this moment in time, it was smarter to say nothing.

“Nothing to say?” Miranda asked in the same scornful tone.

A few moments passed in a tense silence and Bela noted dully how strange it was to not feel her heart beating.

“Good. I suppose that means you know your place now,” she unfastened Bela’s restraints, the next words she said leaving Bela’s blood cold as ice, “You better not try to do anything like that again. Who knows what you will lose next?”

Cornelius opened his mouth, the sound of mocking laughter leaving him and echoing throughout the room.

My family, Bela thought, with numbness in her veins, she’s talking about my family. As she was leaving, she felt Miranda’s eyes boring into her back. She didn’t turn around to look at her.

She didn’t see much of anything around her as she made her way through the school back to her car. Other classmates and student council members greeted her, called her name, but she didn’t hear them either, her mind singularly focused on the raw emptiness in her chest, where her heart used to be, and the last words Miranda had said to her.

When Bela finally returned to her apartment, the first thing she did was lie in her bed and look at the ceiling for indeterminate amount of time. There was nothing pressing she needed to accomplish, since she had already completed it all earlier in the week, which meant she had the free time to fully reflect about her new state of being and what she could do. She couldn’t tell or ask anyone for help, especially her mother, because the idea of her heart being removed and yet she was still alive was crazy enough as it was, and her mother was extremely loyal to Miranda and would simply eat up anything Miranda said to her.

Her rage was right there, right behind the glass, joined by horror, fear, and now helplessness. But she could barely feel any of it. It was strange to know that she was feeling so much but could only physically feel so little of it, barely anything at all. She wondered if this was truly how she was going to be for the rest of her life—

No. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, entertain the idea of living like this for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t just give up on herself, on her family. True, she couldn’t openly go against Miranda, not with her family in her clutches. But there had to be something she could do. She just had to figure out what. She just had to be open to the right opportunity when it showed up. She also understood that in order to take down Miranda, she needed to understand what she was up against, she needed to find a weakness of some kind. She wasn’t going to pick a fight with an enemy she didn’t fully understand.

As she lain there, thinking and sifting through her options and possible actions, a thought flashed through her mind, an image of Uncle Moreau’s lake house cabins. She hadn’t visited in a while. The last time she went was with her sisters, but that was a long, long time ago. They had been much, much younger. Her, Cassandra, and Daniela took turns diving into the lake, trying to one up each other, while their mother sat elegantly in a chair and kept a careful eye on all three of them while she chatted with Uncle Moreau. It was a simpler time, one that she wished she could have again with her family. She glanced at her phone and checked the date. The image of the cabin still kept showing itself prominently in her mind’s eye. She decided it wouldn’t hurt to get away from the university for the weekend, that it wouldn’t hurt to visit Uncle Moreau for a little while. And though she could barely feel, she wondered if the lake would still have the same calming effect on her it usually did.

She called ahead to ask Uncle Moreau if she could visit him and he told her that she was always free to drop by and stay over at any time. When she arrived, he was there, ready to greet her.

“Hey Bela, good to see you,” he said while hugging her, “Did you come out here because you wanted a break from all the university stuff?”

“Something like that,” Bela replied carefully.

Uncle Moreau looked at her, his smiling expression turning into a frown. “Ah, yes, you definitely need a break from school. Come on, follow me, I’ll bring you to the cabin you’re staying in, but then I gotta go check on the other cabins and other people settling in for their vacations.”

Bela followed him quietly, feeling grateful that her Uncle knew her well enough that she would want to walk to the cabin and to not make small talk or ask any more questions. Their walk was peaceful and silent, save for the sounds of the lake, the breeze, and the birds chirping. As they arrived at the cabin, Uncle Moreau finally spoke up, “Alright, this is your cabin. I hired a janitor a few months ago and he’s going to stop by in an hour or two to help install some new light bulbs since the old ones no longer work. I would’ve given you a cabin with working lights already, but the rest of the cabins have already been booked,” he said, seeming to be embarrassed and handing her a lantern that was sitting on the cabin’s steps to use as a temporary light, “But everything else is in good order. Just give me a call if you need anything else and it’ll either be fulfilled by me or Zane, the janitor I hired. Oh and dinner will be back at my cabin at 7 pm. I’ll be picking you up in my car and then I’ll drop you back off here.”

“Alright. Thank you, Uncle Moreau,” Bela said. He left quickly, jogging back the way they came, to attend to the other guests. Bela went inside and started to get situated with the cabin. She placed her things down near the bed and went back outside to stare at the lake. Now that she was alone, the thoughts about the situation with her heart, Miranda, and her family were hitting her full-force. She wondered what Miranda was planning, what Miranda was truly after, what it would take to stop her. And how did she remove her heart without killing her? Bela pressed her hand to where her heart should be and felt no heartbeat. Was she even truly alive? Was she already dead? Like some reanimated zombie—

“Hello there!”

Bela startled from her thoughts, turning towards the sound of the voice with a thick Romanian accent. It belonged to an elderly looking man clothed in a blue janitor’s uniform. He reminded her of a kind, grandfatherly character, the type she saw in movies and tv shows growing up, with his white beard and his kindhearted eyes.

“Uh… Hello,” Bela replied politely, “Are you Zane? Are you here to replace the light bulbs?”

“I am, I am! Miss Bela, Sal’s niece, yes? I’ll have the light bulbs replaced in no time. May I trouble you to help me with the ladder from my car? Sal usually helps me but he is currently busy.”

Bela wondered why her uncle would hire an elderly man to help around the cabins, but then again it made sense. Uncle Moreau had always been a soft-hearted, sensitive man. According to her mother, he cried easily at other people getting hurt or being in rough situations, so it was probable that her uncle hired Zane in order to help him out. She followed Zane back to his car and helped him lift and carry the ladder out.

“Thank you for helping me, you have a good and kind heart,” he said as they walked back into her cabin with the ladder in tow. With the thick glass wall separating her emotions from her, she didn’t know how she was truly feeling about his comment about her heart. She felt a slight tinge of something, but she didn’t know what it was.

“You’re welcome,” she mumbled as she helped him settle the ladder beneath the ceiling light and he began to do his work and talk at the same time.

“You know, light bulbs are very important for the home,” he said, stating the obvious, “But sometimes there are no light bulbs one can use. But the light is always there, you know? With or without the light bulbs. One must always trust there is a light in the darkness, and when one trusts in that, one can always perceive the light, even if there is only darkness that surrounds them. The perception makes the truth, makes it real.”

“Uh… I see,” Bela said intelligently.

“And the light is always love, you know? Love is like water, wears down all barriers and makes its way home to what is always loved. Nothing can hide from love,” he continued as he finished replacing the light bulbs. He turned to look at her, with a proud look on his face, and said, “There you go! The light bulbs are replaced! I hope you have a good evening, Miss Bela! And mind the birds, they have been antsy lately.”

“I will, you too,” Bela said without thinking. She helped him load the ladder back into the car and watched him drive off before returning to her cabin. Her uncle picked a very strange man to work for him, but he was kind and clearly trying to be encouraging, even if what he said didn’t make a lot of sense to her. His words lingered in her mind and she thought back to the situation with her heart, Miranda, and her family.

One must trust there is always a light in the darkness…

She decided that she would recognize it and follow it when it showed up.

When she woke up in the morning and glanced at the table in the kitchen, there was a lone black leather journal, its corners decorated with gold, laying there. Bela knew for certain that the journal wasn’t one of her own. She wouldn’t leave her things around so carelessly. How did she not notice it earlier? Perhaps it belonged to Zane? Maybe he forgot it and he just didn’t know it? When she went to go pick it up, a torrent of information slammed into her mind, overwhelming her and she blacked out.

She gasped heavily when she came to. She was sitting at the kitchen table, not feeling any worse for wear, only bewilderment at the new knowledge swirling around in her head. She looked down at the innocuous-looking journal and touched it again. This time, there was no torrent of information, only the strange sensation of the journal helping her make sense of the information it had given her.

This book is a journal of the Sustainers. This book cannot be perceived by anyone else but you or a Sustainer. It appears to those who are worthy, responsible, and are in need of it. Please be responsible. We are granting you a key. Several keys. Symbols. They work by focus and intention. Your focus and intention turns them on and off, like a light switch. This books holds much wisdom but it will only give you what you need to know, not what you want, based on your query and the surrounding circumstances. Please ask and you shall receive. Please remember that love is both the strength and the weakness. We hope you succeed in your endeavors…

What followed after was the knowledge and skills about how to use specific symbols of the Sustainers to hide her presence, how to disguise herself as someone else, how to change others’ perceptions of reality, how to open locked things, and… how to create a teleportation stone and anchor it to a location. She could even specify who or what to affect with these symbols. It was odd, because she now felt like she was capable of creating the symbols and using them according to their meanings, even though she knew none of these things a while ago. She had so many questions. Why was she given this? Who gave her this? It was so bizarre. It was something she expected out of a book, a video game, or a movie. Was she dreaming? Bela pinched herself hard and it hurt. Alright, she wasn’t dreaming. She thought a bit longer about this mysterious journal and these so-called Sustainers—

Wait. Was this her opportunity? The skills and knowledge she had just automatically gained would be helpful in investigating Miranda’s office and finding information that could potentially help her in taking her down, and with these new abilities, she wouldn’t be caught. That was the ideal outcome anyway.

She decided to test her newfound abilities by seeing if she could truly hide her presence from other people's eyes. She found a few stones on the shore of the lake, and with a kitchen knife from the cabin, scratched the symbols that mean ‘to hide oneself’ on one of them, and went for a walk along the lake, moving closer to where there were a majority of people hanging out. She focused her intention onto the stones, onto the symbols, commanding that she was hidden from their perception. She kept walking closer, expecting some of them to look in her direction. But none of them did. They all continued to carry on in their conversations as if she wasn’t there, as if she didn’t exist.

Bela rushed back to the cabin, her thoughts racing through her head. If she had her heart, it would be beating a mile a minute. She began to plan how to get into Miranda’s office and find the information she needed.

She approached at night on a Friday and waited until Miranda had left, armed only with a stone with the symbols to hide her presence and a small slip of paper with the unlocking runes on it. She didn’t want to test the teleportation stone just yet.

As student council president, she had a set of keys to unlock Miranda’s door. Once she was in the room, she locked the door behind her, and shut the curtains, before breaking the glow stick she brought along to have some light to be able to read, but not too much light where it may draw the attention of a passerby looking at the windows of the university.

What she found in Miranda’s office disturbed her. In a previously locked cabinet, which she unlocked by sticking the small piece of paper with the unlocking rune in the keyhole, there were books on different rituals, especially demonic rituals. There were notes and correspondences with specific beings called the Keeper, the Devourer, and the Oracle. A description of a demonic ritual that needed human blood and allowed the user to stay young and immortal forever. Notes on a ritual about resurrecting the dead, a ritual Miranda seemed to be experimenting with based on the words within the notes and her frustrated scribbling. There was a picture of a little girl labeled ‘Eva’ that was attached to these notes with a paperclip. There was also a ancient, ominous spell book on how to turn back time. There was nothing about a ritual that removed someone’s heart and still have them be alive.

Bela heard footsteps coming down the hall and hastily placed everything back where it originally was before shutting the cabinet, taking her little piece of unlocking paper, shoving the dying glow stick into her jacket, and moving as quickly and as quietly as she could to the back of the room.

The late-night worker came in, turned on the lights and looked around. Bela didn’t know her name, but she recognized her as a new recruit for the cult. As the late night worker began to move further into the room, she took the chance to leave through the door unseen and unheard, not stopping until she was finally back at her car. Then she drove back to her apartment, where she sat down on her couch and buried her head into her hands.

She tried to make sense of what Miranda was trying to do. She made the guess that Miranda was clearly trying to revive the little girl, but why? And why the book on turning back time? Was that even truly possible? Then again, Miranda had removed her actual heart and stored it into a jar. To Bela, anything was possible with Miranda at this point. She knew she didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle, but she also didn’t want to risk sneaking into Miranda’s office again, especially now with knowing that Miranda was in contact with these other powerful beings that were clearly working for her. And there wasn’t any mention of a weakness she could exploit. She wrote down everything she could remember from her investigation and tucked the notes away in a safe place, along with the journal.

Bela was on edge for the next few days, waiting to see if Miranda or any of the cult members acted any differently towards her. But they didn’t. Miranda was her usual bitchy self with her, her classmates within the cult still treated her as they usually did. Bela knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she was lucky to have gotten away with what she found out. She hoped that luck would last a bit longer. She decided that she had to wait and see what other new information would present itself, something that gave her an indication on how to move forward.

In the meantime, she spent her days taking care of her classes, her work, her student council duties, and then continuing to research into the occult to see if she could find anything about spells that remove one’s heart and still keep them alive. Even during the summer, she continued her research to no avail. She wasn’t any closer to figuring out how to retrieve her heart from Miranda without risking a fight she would most likely lose. When she asked the journal, it simply said:

The answer is coming.

She also understood she was in no position to take Miranda down, not with the power and allies Miranda already had amassed. Miranda was clearly a dangerous and immortal being based on what she remembered from her investigation, too dangerous to be left alive in her eyes, and when she asked how to take Miranda down, basically how to kill her, the journal simply said:

An answer lies elsewhere.

With a cryptic and vague answer that matched the answer of what a magic 8 ball would say, she continued to keep researching other possible ways to take Miranda down and finding other ways to free herself and her family, while waiting and keeping an eye out for the answer that was supposed to be coming. She knew that to be prepared is half the victory. Her mind lingered over the quote, 'Nunquam non paratus' and she affirmed to herself that she would be ready for the answer when it finally came.

Then you arrived, at the beginning of her junior year. The first time she saw you, she had a fleeting thought about how pretty your eyes were.

You became Angie and Daniela’s roommate and you ended up joining Cassandra’s play as the Romeo to her Juliet. According to Daniela, Cassandra started to really fall for you. Then eventually, you and Cassandra got together and became an official couple, much to many people’s shock and to many a heartbreak among Cassandra's loyal fans. Bela remembered hearing plenty of others talk about you with envy clear in their voices as they insulted you. She felt a twinge of annoyance at that. You didn't deserve that kind of treatment from anyone. And to her, the people who had insulted you would never be good enough for her sister anyway.

She was genuinely happy for Cassandra. From what Cassandra told her about you, you seemed like a good partner for her, able to handle her dramatics and talk her down from her worst impulses. Bela hoped that you weren’t a part of the cult. She wondered idly if Cassandra would try to get you to join it. She figured she would only have to deal with you and Cassandra being overly affectionate during family dinners or holidays. Life went on, she graduated, and even as she left Romania for the US, she continued to look for a way to help herself and her family, because even though she moved away, Miranda still had her heart and she wasn’t any closer to getting it back. The answer that was supposed to be coming felt so far away.

But then one day, she woke up back in Romania in her apartment near the university. She had looked at her phone, looked at the date, went through her emails, and discovered that she was a junior all over again. Something in her mind was trying to mess with her memories, trying to tell her that the life she knew she had lived never happened. Bela knew the last thing she had done was walk along the beach trail in Southern California before heading home to her apartment. She knew she had already finished school and graduated. She felt like she was going insane. There was no way she could just be in the past again. Not unless someone managed to turn back time—

Time.

Bela hurriedly went to look for the notes she had written and kept safe from the night she broke into Miranda’s office to search for information. She found them tucked safely where she always kept them when she was living here, in a locked drawer with its own protective symbols etched onto it, and saw that she had remembered correctly, that Miranda had a book about how to turn back time.

And the only person she understood to have the power and capability to turn back time would be Miranda. But why? What was the point?

It was during moments like this where Bela did appreciate not being able to feel her emotions fully. She vaguely sensed her feelings of fear, grief, helplessness, and rage swirling into a hurricane beyond the thick glass wall, but she only felt the equivalent of a light breeze within her.

Bela looked at her phone and decided that it was probably best to start preparing for her junior year all over again.

As the weeks continued, Bela noticed that instead of you trying out for Romeo and Juliet and getting together with Cassandra again, you were spending more time with Angie and Daniela, especially Angie. You guys apparently went drinking a lot. And according to Daniela, too much drinking because you eventually landed yourself in the hospital. But you recovered eventually and it was fine. She felt a tinge of relief within herself hearing that you were okay and doing better now.

Bela was intrigued when she heard you and Angie starting dating. You seemed to ground Angie and she seemed to make sure that you enjoyed life more minus the drinking. She wondered if Cassandra ever looked at you and remembered her time with you, but it never seemed like Cassandra did. Cassandra seemed to be her dramatic self, a perfectionist when it came to her shows, clearly not heartbroken in any way. Then she wondered if you remembered Cassandra. She watched you and Cassandra interact in the dorm, and couldn't find anything beyond simple friendliness between you both and your obvious feelings for Angie, with the way you looked at her when she came into the room. Then again, if you did remember Cassandra and your time with her, wouldn’t you have just gone back to Cassandra first?

Bela was preparing herself to move back to the states when everything reset and started all over again. It took her a few days to remember this time and she began to scowl when she finally realized what had happened. Did Miranda just have fun with uprooting people’s lives like that? Then again, Miranda didn’t know that she remembered, and it was definitely best to keep it that way.

She consulted the journal for a way to maintain her memories without having to fight through the self-doubt and anxiety over whether she was going insane during the first few days of remembering the events of her last life, the last loop, and got her answer in the form of tattooing a particular symbol that meant ‘to maintain memories’ onto herself. She chose to tattoo it herself onto the inside of her left ankle.

And then her mother called her, letting her know to attend a family dinner to meet Daniela’s new roommate. Bela guessed it had to be you and was completely not surprised when it was. She just wondered why her mother decided to do a family dinner to meet Daniela’s roommate this time around when she didn’t do it before in the other lives. She observed as you handled all of Alcina’s questions with aplomb and she was impressed with the way you handled her questions along Cassandra’s. You still didn’t seem to look at Cassandra how you used to, even though Cassandra kept trying to flirt with you. No, you seemed to be paying a lot more focused attention onto Daniela.

Bela sighed inwardly and felt her guard go up. You had gotten with Cassandra and Angie in past lifetimes. She wondered if you were now aiming to be with her little sister. Even though she didn’t spend as much time with Daniela, she still wanted the best for her. She hoped that if you did move towards her sister, you would treat her right and give her your best.

When you and Daniela trashed her apartment while you were both drunk, she relished in kicking you out of Daniela’s dorm. You clearly weren’t good enough for her little sister. But you and Daniela ended up together in the end anyway, and you helped her sister be free of a curse placed on her by Miranda, a curse she didn't even know about. It was now another major reason why she had to take Miranda and her cult down. To say that she was grateful for your help with Daniela's curse would be an understatement. She hoped that since you, Daniela, her, and the rest of her family fled from Miranda, that this life would actually last, that this life was the one where she was able to retrieve her heart, and you would all be safe from Miranda. And you made Daniela really happy, she saw it every time Daniela looked at you, especially when you weren't looking.

But Miranda still found all of you in the end.

Beyond the glass wall, some small part of her hoped Miranda got what she was looking for within these time loops soon. Another part of her viciously grounded that part into tiny, granular pieces and then grounded those pieces into dust. She was exhausted from these loops, yes, but it was better than Miranda getting what she wanted. She still had no idea what Miranda was trying to achieve by resetting time again and again. All she knew was that she always ended up at the beginning of her junior year. Something wasn’t going her way. Bela went through what she already knew, but she knew she would just be guessing at this point. And she couldn't afford to guess, she needed to be certain of what the answer was, because that certainty would pave a way forward.

It was jarring to see Daniela talk about you and treat you like a best friend, because she was so used to hearing Daniela speak of you so fondly, so lovingly, with a soft, faraway look in her eyes. And it was especially jarring to learn at a family dinner that you and her mother were together and dating. Bela decided to not think too hard about how that happened or she would end up seeing images that she would prefer to not see.

She watched your crestfallen face when Daniela fled the dinner table. Did you remember?…

No, she didn’t think you did. You were simply saddened by losing your friendship with Daniela. She hoped that you and Daniela could reconcile your friendship, especially if you were going to continue being her mother’s partner. She wasn’t going to call you anything else but by your name.

She observed you as you looked sadly down at your plate and began to eat your food slowly. She felt as if she should say something, offer you some level of comfort, tell you that Daniela would eventually come around. But she decided to hold her tongue. She would have to talk to Daniela first to see how she was feeling and she didn't know how long this life would last.

She woke up again to her junior year, annoyed. She wondered if Miranda was getting tired of these time loops as well or if she was just obstinately focused on whatever her goal was, that it didn’t matter how many times it took.

This time around, you ended up working at the flower shop with her Aunt Donna. Bela believed she knew how this one was going to go. Later on, she heard from Cassandra that you were dating Aunt Donna and Angie was extremely excited for the both of you. Bela thought that was probably the best outcome with Angie, instead of her reacting the way Daniela did when you had dated their mother last time.

She felt it was good that her Aunt Donna found happiness with you. But would it really last? And according to what she had overheard in conversation between you and Daniela, Miranda had tried to get you to work for her as her assistant instead of continuing to work for Aunt Donna, but failed. That intrigued her. She felt like she had stumbled upon another vital piece of the puzzle. What made you so important? What was Miranda trying to do with you? Bela felt that the puzzle pieces would come together sooner rather than later. She just had to keep waiting and observing.

You were actually Miranda’s assistant this time around. And Miranda acted... differently around you. Sure, she still made snide, rude, and unhelpful remarks, but Miranda was kinder and softer towards you in ways that Bela had never seen before. She noticed the softer looks Miranda sent your way when you weren't looking. She felt a tinge of discomfort beyond the thick glass wall whenever she observed you both together. Miranda clearly wanted you. Bela had mistakenly believed that Miranda wasn't capable of wanting such things, wasn't capable of wanting someone the way she wanted you, because of her usual attitude. Bela guessed you had to be the reason why all the time loops kept happening. You had been with a different woman in the last few lives, but now you were where Miranda wanted you to be. But that woman was a viper, dangerous and venomous. Bela knew you would either reject Miranda or you would end up with Miranda. Neither were good outcomes, in her eyes, considering the kind of person Miranda was.

But in the end, Miranda rejected you.

“It doesn’t matter how many times I have to do this, who you go to, what you do, I will reset this as many times as I fucking HAVE TO!”

Because you weren’t ‘correct’ this round, whatever that meant. She had overheard Miranda mutter that to herself before she prepared to reset everything again. You were the reason. And the only reason.

Bela sluggishly woke up to a new junior year. She buried her face into her hands. Miranda kept resetting time because of you. Because you kept going towards all these other women. Because you didn’t act in the way she expected you to. And you never seemed to remember anything from the past loops. Bela wondered why Miranda was so obsessed with you specifically, what made you so special to Miranda. If you weren’t what she wanted, why didn’t she just go for someone else who was exactly what she wanted? Instead of trying to shape you into who she wanted you to be? And would it really hurt Miranda to go about dating in a more normal, conventional way?

Bela wondered who would you go to this time. She wondered how much more of this she could take.

It was the day of the club fair and she watched you with mild disgust when you tripped, fell, and wrecked the student council table. She was cordial and polite with you, as she always strove to be in all of the past loops. This time around, you chose to be in student council. And she could tell you were trying to get her attention. She didn’t have time for this. She already had enough to deal with. She wasn’t going to fall for you like all the others did. And she wasn’t going to get involved with someone Miranda would clearly keep resetting for.

Except that she did.

You worked just as hard as she did. You made her feel annoyed. You were charming and lovely. You were a brat at times. You clearly cared for her. You were stubborn and hard-headed. You had integrity. You made her feel more. You stuck to your principles. You were good and wonderful and perfect in all the important ways. She could see why all the others fell for you before. And when you got sick, she felt the worry beyond the glass wall and brought you soup. Even though she still tried to tell you that she didn’t care for you.

She knew she didn't regret killing Mia that night since it meant protecting you, even though it still shook her to the core that she had done that. But she also knew that because Mia was part of the cult, that she would be alive again.

When she trusted you with her secret, showed you her lack of a heartbeat, she half-expected you to just refuse her. For you to call her insane.

But you believed her and offered her an alternative. That you both would just go up to Miranda and ask for her heart back. She didn’t know how it could be that simple, but she was willing to try with you by her side.

And yet it did work. Bela felt all of her emotions slam into her at once. She felt her love and want for you, the need to protect you and provide for you, the need to show you how important you are to her. It was as if the glass wall finally cracked, shattered in tiny pieces, and all her feelings were flooding her. She was drowning in them. Your eyes were so pretty, they always have been to her, and she was proud that she managed to tell you before promptly passing out.

When she woke up again, she was in her bedroom in her family's mansion, and you were sleeping at her side in a chair, holding her hand. The gratitude she felt towards you was immense. She felt the overwhelming urge to spoil you and give you everything you deserved. And she did. She bought you whatever you wanted, took you to the finest restaurants and locations in Italy, and kept trying to show you that she was a great provider. But you were also dense and didn’t realize that you went on all these dates until you both finally talked about it.

When she kissed you, she felt some guilt because she knew her sisters, Angie, Donna, and even her own mother had loved you before. To her, it felt like she was taking you away from them. But that guilt was slowly ebbed away every time she made you cry out her name, every time she made love to you.

She wanted to be with you. She wanted to stay together. But she knew Miranda would eventually reset and try again, and she didn’t know what she could do to keep you with her. She didn’t know how to protect you from Miranda. She didn’t know if she was even the best person for you. You were the one Miranda wanted. You would forget her because of Miranda. It’s not like you would choose her again. You never chose the same person twice. So she enjoyed this life she had with you until Miranda visited the both of you again in a year’s time.

Going through the reset meant her heart was shut off again. This time, Bela didn’t mind it too much. She could feel the terrible pain of losing you beyond the glass wall, but she only felt a faint echo of it, which meant she could function just fine watching you go towards someone else.

Bela waited to see who you would go to next. She could tell Miranda was getting more and more irritated with each reset even though she did her best to mask it. Bela watched as you approached the student council table, and tripped, falling and wrecking the student council table in one swift movement like last time. She helped you up and asked you if you wanted to join like you did before. And like before, you said yes.

You both spent plenty of time together because of your guys' student council duties. Things happened similarly to last time, except this time she was the one who got sick from working too hard and you were the one texting her, asking her if you could come over to bring her soup and medicine. Of course she was going to say yes. She noticed how your eyes always went to her, how they began to soften whenever you looked at her. You had fallen in love with her again. You chose her again. You offered her an alternative again.

That time, she refused to let you go. If Miranda reset again, she would simply do her best to win you over, to have you fall in love with her again. After freeing her heart again from Miranda, she asked you if you wanted to move away with her to the States before the semester ended. Her reasoning was to get you both away from Miranda and the cult. In that run, you said no, citing that you wanted to utilize the scholarship you’ve been given and finish your university in Romania. You also told her that you believed that the both of you would be able to take down the cult eventually as long as you both worked together and stayed together. Bela knew better but she would rather die than to force you into doing something you didn’t want to do. So she respected your choice and decided to enjoy the time she had with with you before Miranda reset you both again in a year's time. When she had time to herself, she was learning how to weave and layer the protective magic of the Sustainers' symbols to fully protect and hide you and herself. She also continued to focus on figuring out what she could to stop Miranda and her cult permanently, and what she could do to help her family.

At the beginning of each new run, Bela always felt a tinge of her deep anxiety floating beyond the glass wall. What if you didn’t choose her again? What if she was too late when she tried to win your heart? But it turned out she didn’t really need to worry, because you kept stumbling to her every time, no matter if you were in the play as the Romeo to Cassandra’s Juliet, no matter if you were working at the flower shop with Donna, no matter if you were in her mother’s class and painting in the secret society, no matter if you were Miranda’s assistant.

In every run, you always helped her get her heart back and she always asked you if you wanted to move away with her to the States before the semester ended. And it wasn’t until the 18th run of you and her that you finally agreed to.

She had been working hard during the past runs on creating, layering, and improving the protective symbols to hide both of you from Miranda’s watchful eyes. She eventually learned how to create strong, sturdy protective wards as she continuously layered and weaved the symbols together in different ways. And they worked. Before, the longest she had been able to be with you until the reset was a year. And now it had been five years. She decided to prioritize protecting the both of you first and she didn't regret it, though it hurt her tremendously to not speak as much with her family. She had to lessen contact with them because she knew Miranda would try to use any one of them to get to the both of you. She knew it hurt you too, as you and Daniela had always ended up becoming best friends in each lifetime. And in time, once she knew you both were absolutely safe and secure, she would go back to figuring out how to help her family and taking down Miranda. And she knew you would be right there with her, at her side, helping and supporting her.

You were able to create and sell your art. She was able to work for herself from home as an art director of her own company with a few individuals working for her, and she usually chose to work together with clients and companies whose products and services had a focus on helping others. You both helped each other with your respective projects at times. And both of you made decent income for yourselves. You both got married and had a quiet ceremony by the beach. And both of you decided to volunteer at a foster care agency together because she wanted to support children in need and you, her sweetheart, wanted to support her.

There, she met Sherry Birkin, who was seven years old. Sherry grew up in the foster care system because her mother had dropped her off in a safe haven box at a fire station and then simply... disappeared. The way Sherry behaved and acted made Bela think of her younger self and her own childhood. How she herself used to be timid and shy before she had to start taking charge of herself and her life, before she had to start taking care of Daniela. Then those thoughts led to how she felt when her mother kept wanting to travel the world, but she herself wanted to have the security of being able to stay in one place. And there were plenty of times where Bela needed and wanted her mother, for herself and sometimes, just for Daniela, but she just couldn’t be there because she was too busy with helping Cassandra in the arts.

The more time Bela spent with Sherry, the more Bela wanted to adopt her and give her the childhood she never had, one filled with love and consistency, one that supported Sherry into becoming her own person, the childhood Sherry needed, but she wouldn’t do it without your agreement. And she knew it was risky, since Miranda was still out there, no doubt looking for you both. But Bela wanted this with you, fully and completely.

“Sweetheart, what do you think about adopting Sherry Birkin?”

You put down the book you were reading and turned to her, a thoughtful look in your eye. “I wouldn’t mind adopting Sherry. I am fond of her,” You reached for her hand, held it gently, and asked her, “You want to adopt Sherry?”

Bela struggled with her words, just as she usually did around you when it came to moments like this, “…yes. I want to adopt Sherry. I just didn’t want to force it on you. I…” she took a deep breath and said earnestly, “I want to have a family with you.”

A moment of silence passed and then you were laughing. Your laugh was always beautiful to her, even when it was directed at her. She felt her cheeks heat up and she clambered into your lap, glaring down at you halfheartedly.

“Why are you laughing?” she huffed, grabbing onto your shoulders. You looked up at her, your smile reaching your eyes.

“Because you’re adorable. And… I want to have a family with you too.” Your hands cupped her face and you pulled her down gently for a kiss.

She made sure you couldn’t walk the next day, and she took great pleasure in carrying you around the house as you complained about not being able to use your legs and that you would eventually get her back for this.

It had been two years since Bela and you adopted Sherry. Sherry wasn’t hesitant in calling Bela her mother. Just as she wasn’t hesitant to call you by the title you chose. She blossomed like a flower when you both adopted her and made her part of your family, happy and affectionate. Bela vowed to protect you and Sherry, she vowed to never let any harm come to either of you.

But she failed in that. Because some way, somehow, Miranda found all of you. Despite everything she did to hide the three of you. She thought the protective wards she had learned to create would be enough. Did Miranda somehow break through them? No, Bela realized with dawning horror as she pushed you and Sherry behind her and sensed into the wards themselves, they had simply weakened enough to allow all three of you be visible, making your presence able to known and found by Miranda.

And then Miranda threw her into the wall. She had blacked out for a moment and was struggling to force herself awake. She felt herself getting tugged and pushed down. The shouting and gunshot were ringing in her ears. She woke up just in time to see Miranda throw you out the door. Bela cried out your name and struggled weakly against the pain in her body, against the firm hold that Mia had on her.

“WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO RIP APART MY FAMILY?! FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN DELUSIONAL GOALS!?” she heard you shout in heated fury. And then nothing more.

She knew Miranda was resetting you now, while Sherry was upstairs alone and afraid, and she was unable to help either of you. She was useless, she couldn’t do anything, she couldn’t keep her promise—

“I’m not sure why you still try to fight against Miranda knowing you’ll lose,” Mia stated bluntly, cutting through her thoughts,“When they remember Miranda fully, they’ll only choose her.”

Remember Miranda... fully?… “What do you mean by that?” Bela asked lowly, anger and discomfort in her throat.

“They were lovers before, with a child of their own. A long, long time ago. And they were crazy about Miranda when they got together. They always told me that they loved Miranda no matter what she did. That they would always stay by her side and choose her every time. But then they died, and then Miranda brought them back by forcing their reincarnation. All of their memories from their life together are still there, they just need to remember them. And once she gets them to remember their past and who they truly are, both of them will focus on bringing back Eva, their daughter,” Mia goes silent for a moment, “I’m telling you all of this because the loops will keep going until Miranda gets what she wants, until they remember everything.”

Bela’s mind was overwhelmed, her thoughts surging and trying to make sense of what Mia had just told her, and in her heart, there was a rising despair. You had loved Miranda fiercely and had a child with her in another time, in another life, the picture of the little girl that she had discovered what now felt like lifetimes ago flashing in her mind’s eye. That was why Miranda has been so focused on you. She had lost you, her love, and then decided that she would bring you back no matter what. And she succeeded. Miranda's actions screamed of desperation, of grief, of suffering, of obsession, but also of love. Bela was convinced with the way Miranda had treated you, had treated everyone, that she was incapable of real love, that she didn’t actually love you, that she was only oddly, but extremely and dangerously, obsessed. But that was Bela’s mistake, and now she understood how Miranda was able to find you after all this time. It was because she did love you, in her own twisted way.

Love is the strength and the weakness—

Love is like water—

wears down all barriers and—

makes its way home to—

what is always loved—

Nothing can hide from love—

Words that felt like lifetimes ago echoed and then crashed against the shores in Bela’s mind. She felt the realization slowly sink in. She wouldn’t have been able to hide you and Sherry forever. Miranda’s love for you, as twisted as it was, wore down the protective wards just enough to allow her to find you. And begrudgingly, she can understand Miranda doing everything she can to bring you back to her, regardless of how convoluted Bela thought her methods were. Bela thought for a brief second that she too might’ve been tempted to do the same if her circumstances were different. Then she forced her thoughts to refocus onto you.

She loved you, profoundly and deeply. She would argue that she loved you more than Miranda did. She wanted you to stay with her and only her.

But… you deserved to choose who you wanted to be with, with total clarity of your heart and mind. Instead of Miranda making herself the only option you could choose with every reset. Which meant you had to remember everything.

“I want them to remember Miranda and their life together. I want to help them remember every one of the loops. I want them to remember everything,” Bela said firmly, without thinking, exhaustion clear in her voice.

“You do? Why?” Mia asked, quiet incredulity lining her voice, “I thought them remembering Miranda is the last thing you’d ever want them to do.”

“I want them to remember Miranda and every one of the loops,” Bela reiterated quietly, “I love them. I want them to be able to choose. They deserve to have the choice. And if they can tell me squarely to my face, that they won’t—that they choose Miranda, that they don’t love me or want me, then…” Bela felt the burn of hot tears in her eyes, and she clenched her teeth,“then I'll stop fighting for them... I'll— I'll let them go.”

She felt Mia just staring at her in shock. And then Mia asked her in wonder, “… Really? You would let them go? Just like that?”

Bela tiredly nodded, her cheek rubbing and burning against the carpet. “Whatever their choice, I want to respect it.” It would hurt terribly, the pain unfathomable, if you didn’t choose her. But she would honor your decision. She would do it for you.

Mia didn’t say anything for a few moments, before abruptly saying, “I’m not loyal to Miranda. I’m loyal to them because I am…” she seemed to hesitate, “I was their best friend. I went along with Miranda because I thought that’s what they would want in the end. They loved Miranda so much, so intensely. But now, without those memories, they keep going back to you and only you. For the last 18 loops, they chose you.”

Bela said nothing, letting the words settle and disappear into the air around them.

“You always seem to end up remembering no matter how many times Miranda has made you forget and you have been able to get this far. If you have a plan in helping them remember everything,” Mia started again, in a hushed whisper, “then I’ll help you with it. Because honestly? I just want my best friend back.”

As Mia’s words registered, Bela realized there was a chance, a chance to be free from Miranda for you and her both, if you chose her again, if you chose someone who wasn’t Miranda.

“If they remember everything, and they choose me— or someone else that’s not Miranda, will you help us be free from Miranda? Will you help them be free?” Bela pleaded desperately. She didn’t know if you would choose her again once you remembered everything and everyone you had loved before, all of your past lives, especially the one you had with Miranda, but she hoped you would.

Mia remained silent before answering, in a low whisper, “Yes.”

Then Miranda glided into the wrecked house, her wings still out, her eyes still flashing gold, with you unconscious in her arms. Mia backed away slowly, allowing Bela to kneel to Miranda’s mercy.

“Please don’t hurt my daughter,” Bela pleaded quietly to her, no longer caring for pride. I’m so sorry for putting you through this, Sherry, she thought in despair.

Miranda looked down at her coolly and back to you in her arms, seeming to think it over. “I won’t. I’ll simply erase her memory and when everything starts again, she’ll be back where she was originally. But I’m not doing this for you,” Miranda tightened her arms around your form, “It’s for them.”

Bela felt a huge relief flood through her and welcomed the void even when Miranda placed her palm firmly but painfully over her forehead.

If you choose me, Bela thought desperately, then I’ll do everything right this time. And we can find Sherry and adopt her again, if she hasn’t been already—

Chapter Text

Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam
(I Will Find The Way, Or I Will Make One)

Bela woke up again to her junior year, feeling disoriented. Then all of her memories came rushing back to her. This was the 25th run. If you chose her, it would be the 19th of you and her. She went to find the journal of the Sustainers she kept hidden in her room. There had to be something in there that could help her. There had to be something that could help you remember. She placed her hand on the cover.

“Is there a way to make someone remember all of the memories of their past lives, memories that they were made to forget?” she said with seriousness, commanding more than asking.

Words and images flowed into Bela’s mind and it took her a few minutes to fully comprehend what the journal gave her.

There is a ritual of remembering. For this ritual, the words do not truly matter. Only that they have to do with remembering and memory. Choose them wisely. Only the symbols and intentions truly matter. Have to make it your own. Have to mean it. Won’t work otherwise. Onto three stones, carve the symbols of ‘to remember all’ and ‘memories’ on top of each other. Then gather three flowers that represent memory. Prepare a pot of water and place the stones within it. Place the petals of three flowers of memory within after. Boil the water and wait until the symbols glow blue. Once they do, let the mixture cool and fill a vial with the leftover liquid. Choose the words the drinker must repeat. They must repeat it three times. The drinker has to be willing to drink. You cannot force or deceive them into drinking. The will to face memories is necessary. The drinker must be willing to face their memories. Without the will, there is no way. Even with the will, memories restored will be overwhelming to the drinker. Falling unconscious is certainly possible, as all memories, if forced to be forgotten, are stored in the unconscious. The drinker must remain undisturbed during this process…

Bela stood by the student council table, patiently waiting for the club fair to end. Even as she spoke to the students who seemed to be interested in joining student council, her mind was still distracted by the thoughts of you and what she had to do for the ritual of remembering. She knew where she could get the stones and flowers from, she was still debating on the words, but she didn’t know how she was supposed to approach you, ask you to drink the potion, and repeat the words. All she understood was that she had to earn your trust again. Even though you had stumbled towards her and liked her, loved her, for the last 18 runs, there was no guarantee that you would do so this round, especially when you finally remembered your life with Miranda. She hoped that even if you chose Miranda, you would still help her and her family be free. She forced herself to refocus on the plan, not wanting to linger on that thought and the tendrils of despair that accompanied it.

She had to control herself. She had to show you that you could trust her. She thought over what you liked and preferred, what you didn’t, and decided she would start there. She would court your trust, at the very least.

And she knew Miranda would be watching her every move, her every interaction with you, from now on. Which is why she made sure to always keep the rune stones that could hide her presence and distort the perceptions of those around her, therefore making her able to protect you both, in her pocket. Bela was worried at first that the symbols no longer worked as well as she needed them to but to her immense relief, when Miranda reset time, the power of the symbols were also reset. She had accidentally figured it out when she brought the runes stones with her out of habit and walked into Miranda’s office earlier that day to report in for student council duties. After a few minutes, she realized that Miranda had no inkling of her presence, even as she had called Miranda’s name multiple times and waved her hand in front of her face. She quickly went out to the bathroom to ‘turn off’ the runes with her intentions, and when she had returned to the office and merely opened the door, Miranda looked up and immediately gave her an icy stare.

To Bela, time was on her side, even if Miranda was the one manipulating it. As long as she focused her intention on the necessary symbols when she needed them, like turning on a light switch, she would be able to spend time with you without Miranda and her cult perceiving it.

But first, she had to build up the connection with you again. One of the things she was grateful for was that you were always roommates with Daniela and Angie. That was always a consistent factor in each run. So maybe she could just make an excuse to come over. And it technically wouldn’t be an excuse. She did need to spend time with Daniela more. Daniela always missed spending time with her and Cassandra. That was consistent in every loop. So it would be two birds with one stone. There was a warmth that Bela felt beyond the thick glass wall about the fact that Daniela was always so happy and joyful when they first started spending more time together again each run. But at same time, she wished for Daniela to truly remember and keep remembering that she would always care about her and be there for her. She would make it happen, along with you remembering.

Her thoughts began to wander. If you chose Daniela… Bela didn’t think it would be so bad. She knew Daniela would take great care of you. She had adored you so in the lifetime you were together, and you would make her sister happy. It was the happiest she had ever seen Daniela. You would be her sister's rock, the way you were the first time. You had supported her fully and completely, and helped her find the confidence she had all along within her. Bela felt the minute pained clench beyond the glass wall. She could deal with it later, when she had her heart beating again and when she was alone.

If it was Cassandra—

No. Bela didn’t want to think anymore about that. She knew it would just aggravate her. She loved Cassandra deeply, and she knew how happy you made her before. But Bela felt Cassandra was too flirty and dramatic at times and you deserved someone who could help ground you and offer you peace when you needed it, someone who showed their complete loyalty and devotion to you—

She let out an annoyed sigh and refocused all of her attention on the group of students approaching her table. One of them had really great questions which helped distract her from her thoughts and because of that, she didn’t notice you until you had already tripped and fallen onto the ground in front of her table.

Bela faintly heard the sounds of other students snickering and others asking if you were okay. When you got up, you were frowning and trying not to look flustered by what happened. It was adorable. You also seemed like you were in a hurry.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked. You looked up at her, wide-eyed, and it took you a bit to respond. She wondered if you were really affected by the fall.

“I’m fine, thank you,” you said stiffly and then you were already angling away from her, clearly deciding to continue to where you were headed.

“Wait! Uh… Are you interested in joining student council? I’m the student council president, Bela Dimitrescu. And we have a few student council positions open, such as the vice presidency.”

You looked at her again, your brows furrowed. “I’m sorry, I’m not interested at this time,” you said politely.

Bela felt the wisp of disappointment. She nodded. You both stood there awkwardly for a few moments as all of the students around you kept walking or simply just chatting. Bela decided she had better text Daniela and ask her if she could come over sometime soon. And hopefully, you’d be there and she would be able to talk to you about things other than student council.

“I’m sorry for not being able to join,” you started abruptly, “It’s just, I have this assignment I need to do and it’s due tomorrow and I’m trying to find the library so I could get the textbook. Could you give me directions on how to get there? Please?” you finished, looking embarassed.

Oh, that’s why you were in a hurry. It was amused Bela a little that you were somehow lost on the way to the library. You never got lost going there before. She would’ve preferred to have walked you there herself, but she couldn’t leave the table. “Of course. So what you want to do is continue to those doors,” Bela pointed to said doors, “and once you enter through them, you’ll want to turn left. Then you just keep going and eventually you’ll reach the doors to the library.”

You thanked her and went on your way. Bela stared after you, wondering when she would see you next. You were right at the doors when you turned around and locked eyes with her. She kept looking at you, waiting to see what you would do. You looked at her for a brief moment longer before finally opening the doors and disappearing into the building.

Bela looked at the flowers she bought from Aunt Donna’s flower shop a few hours earlier, sitting innocently on her kitchen table. With the research she had done on flowers that represented memory, she decided to purchase Forget-Me-Nots, Rosemary, and Gladioli for the ritual of remembering. She recalled what she had learned from watching stone carving tutorials and went to work on carving the symbols onto the stones. She put on a N95 mask, taking out the stones she had collected on a walk in the nearby woods and had already carefully cleaned with undiluted vinegar. Then she wet them with water, placing one in a drill press vise, and with a dremel she bought specifically for this purpose, began to carve the symbols that meant ‘to remember all’ and ‘memories’, overlapping the symbols and matching them as best as she could to the image that shone sharply in her mind’s eye. Once she finished carving all three, she placed the stones within the pot filled with water. She then carefully removed the petals from the flowers, placed them into the pot, and turned the heat up. She watched the water slowly beginning to bubble and thought about the interaction she saw between Donna and Miranda when she had arrived to the flower shop, using the symbols to disguise herself and give her the appearance of someone else, as a way to further check and reassure herself of their power.

She intended her disguise to be a man, and she was impressed by the disguise when she looked in the mirror. Her male disguise seemed similar to a character of a popular movie series, Captain States or something like that.

When she had stepped into the shop to order her flowers, Miranda had turned around and glared at her, before commanding her to leave.

“Your flowers will have to wait. I must have a chat with the store owner,” Miranda sneered.

Bela didn’t say anything back and simply left, choosing to stand outside. She waited and watched the interaction happen in its reflection on the window of the store across the street.

She noticed that Aunt Donna was looking down and away from Miranda, anxiety radiating off of her, unable to meet her eyes and that even though Miranda’s back was turned towards her, Bela could tell she seem oddly agitated about something.

After a few minutes, the door to the shop swung open and Miranda stepped out, walking away from the shop quickly.

Bela stepped back into the shop, her list of flowers in hand, ready to ask her Aunt Donna about the flowers she needed, but paused at the look on Aunt Donna’s face.

It was a look that she had seen on her own face when she looked af herself in the mirror after every new reset. She felt her jaw twitch. Even though Aunt Donna was helping Miranda, she wasn’t doing it out of her own free will. And Miranda made it hard for anyone to leave, especially when she believed they were of great use to her.

Bela, confident that the disguise masked her voice as well, asked, “Ma’am, are you alright?”

Aunt Donna startled, finally noticing her there. “Oh I’m sorry sir, I was… uh… thinking about something… I… uh.. what kind of flowers are you looking for?” Donna whispered quietly.

"Just these ones," Bela said, handing her the list of flowers. She knew that Aunt Donna would feel more comfortable the less talking she had to do with customers.

Aunt Donna skimmed the list and immediately went to the back to gather the flowers she needed. Once she returned with the flowers, Bela paid with cash out of concern that her aunt might recognize her card.

With the flowers in hand, Bela had left the shop and walked back to her car quickly, aiming to bring the flowers back to her apartment as fast as she could, the urgency to create the potion pushing her more and more. She remembered her last thought as she got into her car, that she needed to figure out how to protect her family permanently and she needed to figure it out soon.

The symbols were glowing blue, just as the journal relayed to her, pulling Bela’s attention out of her memories. She turned off the heat and waited for the mixture to cool before scooping up the liquid in a vial, corking it securely, and storing it in her fridge. Now she just had to bring it to the warded room in her basement for safekeeping until it was time to use it and figure out the words for it. She had some ideas but she could finalize them later.

Now she could focus on the other part of her plan. She went to get the journal and sat it down on her table. She couldn’t take Miranda down or kill her, she knew that now. As much as she hated Miranda for what she had done to her, to you, to her family, she understood that you, especially once you remembered your past life with Miranda, and if you chose Miranda in the end… then you wouldn’t want Miranda to be harmed in any way. And Bela wouldn’t have the heart to kill Miranda, she wouldn’t have the heart to take down the one you chose.

So what could she do instead? She placed her hand on the journal’s cover and once more, commanded more than asked, “What can I do to fully and completely protect the ones I love and care about from Miranda and her cult?”

The journal answered her, the symbols, images, and information flowing and settling into her mind. It was baffling to Bela, what the journal gave. She sat there at her kitchen table for a long time, wondering if the solution was really that simple. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it was simple. She wondered why she didn’t think of something like that in the first place. She went over the last parts of the answer, turning and inspecting it in her mind’s eye.

—must use the words we give. This protection ritual has a price to paid. The principal of equal exchange. Can you pay the price?

Yes, Bela decided without hesitation. For them, for my family, I can pay the price. She looked at the now petal-less flowers. She was going to have to go back to Donna’s flower shop sooner than she thought. And there were other things that she needed to get, but she would take it one step at a time.

Bela was on her way to class when Mia approached her.

“Bela, here are the papers that need to be delivered to Headmistress Miranda. Apparently, Cassandra is requesting to change her show from Romeo and Juliet to The Phantom of the Opera musical,” Mia said, holding out the papers to her.

Bela blinked in surprise, but decided she would think more on the change later. She had class to get to, as well as figuring out what flowers she was going to get for the protection ritual. She grasped the papers and tried to pull them away, but Mia continued to hold onto them. Mia was looking at the papers before she looked back up at her and said, “Make sure to check the second-to-last page. It’s extremely important that it’s fulfilled.” Then Mia let go and walked away.

Bela walked into her class and sat down. She was early, there was 10 minutes before class officially started. She placed the papers Mia handed her on the desk and shuffled through until she got to the second-to-last page. It was a mostly blank piece of paper, but in the middle of it, there was a phone number and a message that simply said:

If an "Eveline Baker" asks for you, know that it's me. And you better have a plan that works.

Bela added the number to her phone, not bothering to give it the name Mia gave, and texted it, sending:

I do. It will work.

“I have the papers you requested, Headmistress Miranda,” Bela said, sounding more neutral than she actually felt. She had to play her part. She had to act as if she remembered absolutely nothing and felt nothing for you, at least when she had to be perceived by Miranda. It was easier since her heart was once again shut off. But she still had to restrain the urge to punch Miranda in the face.

Bela placed the papers onto Miranda’s desk. The contents of them surprised her, considering that they were from the Theater Department and that it was Cassandra requesting a last minute change from Romeo and Juliet to The Phantom of the Opera. She knew that you loved that musical. You were probably going to go on opening night once you heard about it. She wondered what made Cassandra change her mind and made a mental note to ask her about it later.

Bela waited and watched as Miranda sifted through the papers and immediately placed Cassandra’s request in the approval pile. She must’ve known about your love for that musical too then since it was rare to have her approve last minute changes like this. Bela would know since she had observed Miranda and her patterns for the last 24 lifetimes. And she knew it was petty, but Bela felt like she had won in a sense since she had brought you to watch the musical on Broadway in your last lifetime together. She quietly hoped she would be able to go with you to watch it together again.

“Bela,” Miranda began, “you’re dismissed. My new assistant will be coming in soon,” Bela heard the possessive undertones and resisted the urge to take one of Miranda's pens and stab her with it, chanting to herself repeatedly that you probably wouldn’t approve of that, “and you need to head back to the student council room now. I already sent Mia ahead and she has many event requests from several clubs waiting for your scheduling and approval. I would like my students to have a variety they can pick from and not miss anything, so there can only be one event a day,” Bela fought to keep from clenching her teeth and her hands, that was an organizational nightmare considering the availability of some clubs, “and I also need you to plan and organize the Welcome dinner for new freshman and have it done by next week,” her eyes flicked up to Bela’s, glaring sharply, as if she was daring her to rebel.

“Yes, Headmistress Miranda,” Bela said, mentally congratulating herself for keeping her tone calm and leveled. She left the office, her thoughts mulling over the tasks that Miranda just handed to her. An organizational nightmare and a few sleepless nights to make sure the Welcome dinner for new freshman was done by next week. She assumed that Miranda was definitely trying to keep her as busy as possible so that you and her didn’t end up running into each other too much.

As she looked up, you were at the end of the hall. You were just standing there, looking at her. But you seemed dazed almost, like your mind was elsewhere. Did Miranda already do something to you? Bela strode over to you quickly, concerned. She stopped right in front of you and asked gently, “Hey, are you feeling okay?”

You seemed to shake yourself of your daze and looked up at her, “Sorry Bela, I was just thinking about some things. Can you repeat what you said?”

As she was about to repeat her question again, Headmistress Miranda’s voice cut through the air like a knife, sharp and unrelenting.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be, student council president? Instead of holding up my assistant?”

Bela didn’t dare turn around. She couldn’t let Miranda see her feelings. Her eyes would just give it away. As much as she didn’t want to leave you alone with her, she had to. “My apologies, Headmistress Miranda, I’ll be on my way,” she answered. Then she looked to you and whispered, “I’ll see you around, okay?” She waited for a moment just to see what you would say, though she knew even a moment tested Miranda’s patience.

You blinked up at her and quickly whispered back, “Okay.”

She wanted to kiss your forehead, but she didn’t. Instead, she walked away back to the student council room, mentally preparing herself for all the organization and scheduling she had to do. When she received the next opportunity to leave student council permanently, she was going to take it, run with it, and never look back.

Bela knew she was excited for the game night her, Daniela, Angie, and Cassandra agreed to, even though she couldn’t really feel it. They played Betrayal at The House on the Hill first, with Cassandra coming out as the traitor and winning, which she felt some annoyance with.

As they were putting away the horror tabletop game, Bela asked, “Cassandra, why did you switch from Romeo and Juliet to The Phantom of the Opera?”

Cassandra seemed to pause at that, and then she said, “Honestly, it just kinda popped up into my head and it wouldn't leave me alone. It felt like the right move to do. And I think it holds plenty of tragedy, considering how much the Phantom loves Christine and then he doesn’t even get to be with her at the end. Towards the end, she accepts her fate of being with him and lets him kiss her, and yet that act is enough to convince him to let her go be with Raoul, the one she truly loves. And she takes that chance. She cares for the Phantom, but it's definitely not the same way the Phantom cares for her.”

Bela simply hummed thoughtfully in response, as she continued to put away the game and got ready to deal the cards for Dos. Part of her wondered idly if Cassandra remembered something about you this time around as she never seemed to remember anything before. And Cassandra was always happy for you and her both whenever you two started dating. Then Bela decided to file those thoughts away. She would face whatever the circumstances were, whenever they came up. Another part of her, a larger part, was glad you would get to watch your favorite musical here at the university. She knew Cassandra would make an amazing production that you would definitely enjoy.

Then she fully focused on the game in front of her. She won once, Cassandra won twice, Daniela won four times, and Angie was in the lead with six wins even though she was extremely drunk, when you walked in, looking exhausted.

Daniela and Angie greeted you first, while Bela just nodded at you, even though she wanted to go up and hold you.

“Hey! How was work?” Daniela asked, as she helped an terribly drunk Angie, who seemed to be on the verge of falling asleep, onto the couch.

“Ah… I really don’t want to talk about it,” you said tiredly, as you headed towards your room.

Bela knew that whenever you were exhausted, you always made your favorite tea, which was peppermint. She remembered how you drank several cups of it in a row when you were working on your art projects. And during the resets, when you and her weren’t officially together, she ended up making and drinking peppermint tea to help her feel like you were there with her. She ended up with a habit of carrying packets of peppermint tea around with her for this very reason, and it was nice to provide you with peppermint tea when you blasted through your own personal stock.

“Hey, do you want peppermint tea? I’m going to make myself and the others some right now, if they want it,” she said as she stood up from her place on the floor.

You looked at her in surprise, and then you smiled, with gratitude and excitement shining in your eyes, saying “Oh! I would love some. Peppermint is actually my favorite tea. I ended up finishing my personal stock of it a day ago.” You seemed embarrassed at your admission, and then you disappeared into your room, presumably to change.

“Bela,” Daniela started carefully, “I thought you hated tea. You never drank it before when we lived with Aunt Donna,” as she followed Bela into the kitchen and watched as Bela made tea with their hot and cold water dispenser.

“And you’ve also never offered to do anything for someone who’s a total stranger,” Cassandra said, also following after, smirking, “What are you trying to do, Bela? Are you trying to win them over?”

Bela huffed, of course that was where Cassandra’s mind would go. Never mind that she was right in a sense, but she was only trying to show you that she can be helpful, that you can trust her.

“I tried peppermint tea awhile ago, out of curiosity,” the curiosity was that you always drank it and at some point in your guys’ relationship, she wanted to know why you liked it so much. Bela had initially disliked tea because she ended up associating it with the talks she had with Aunt Donna growing up, when Aunt Donna had to break it to her that her mother couldn’t visit or attend certain things, like her and Daniela's award ceremonies, because she was too busy with Cassandra’s musicals, plays, etc. Aunt Donna had always made tea with the intentions of soothing her, to help break the news gently, but it only became something to be associated with negative memories. And she never held it against Cassandra, their mother spending more time and attention on her. She understood why, with Cassandra following her footsteps in the arts. She just simply wished their mother shared that kind of time and attention with her and Daniela just as much while they were all growing up.

And then you came into her life, and you helped her associate tea with just you and with… love.

“I ended up liking it a lot,” Bela finished, pulling her attention from her reminiscing.

“I think you like something else way more than just the peppermint tea you’re making,” Cassandra said, continuing to tease her, “But if you’re sure it’s just the peppermint tea, then surely you don’t mind me making a move.”

Daniela looked back and forth between them, worry in her eyes, while also sipping at her own peppermint tea that Bela just gave her.

Bela whipped her head to look at Cassandra and glared hard, “Cassandra, back off."

Cassandra smirked, entirely too smug for her liking, “So! You do like them—”

Bela stepped gracefully but firmly on Cassandra’s toes as she passed by to get another cup to make your tea.

“AH!” Cassandra yelled and dropped down to the floor, holding her foot. “Agghhh… that’s not fair…"

Daniela snickered to herself, “Well, you were teasing Bela a little too much, Cass.”

Cassandra whined petulantly, “But she didn’t have to step on my toes for this!"

Bela said nothing as she held your mug, waiting for you. The door to your room opened and you came out, dressed in a simple baggy t-shirt and shorts. You glanced at Cassandra who was on the ground, hissing in pain. You shook your head and looked at Bela, who held your mug out to you by the handle. You took it, a small, tired smile on your face all the while, and said, “Thank you, Bela. I really appreciate the tea,” then you returned to your room. Bela figured you were going to rest. She was glad she was able to help you in some way.

Daniela:

So… do u like them?

Bela:

I think they’re a nice person.

Daniela:

No! Do u like-like them? >:(

Bela:

I’m really busy right now, Daniela. We can talk more later.

Daniela:

U r dodging the question! U do like them!

Bela made her way through the library, exhausted from the student council meeting with Miranda. She was grateful that Miranda didn’t seem to suspect she remembered or knew anything, which was good, but she had to deal with Miranda giving her ridiculous deadlines for everything. Bela understood Miranda was taking out her vast frustration on her and you both because of the last life you both shared. But the one good thing that came from that meeting was that she was able to snatch a Cult Invitation Letter that a new initiate had left lying around, as it was something she needed for the protection ritual. And she was also grateful she had the foresight very early on to ask the journal for symbols to protect all her past assignments from being lost in the resets, which meant she would still be able to accomplish whatever deadline Miranda set next and not have her grades or work suffer. It was very convenient and efficient to place all of her completed assignments into the cabinet in the warded room and being able to grab them when needed.

Bela opened the door to her private study room and was surprised to see you, already sitting there and looking up at her.

She wondered how you ended up in this room. “What are you doing here?” she asked, closing the door behind her.

You had the most adorably confused expression on your face. “I’m… going to do study and do my homework. Everywhere was full or taken.”

So that’s how you ended up in here. Bela couldn’t help but smirk at you, feeling her amusement a little bit more now, “You do know that you have to reserve a study room with the librarian, right? You can’t exactly just walk in and claim an empty room.”

She watched, fascinated, as a red tint began to appear on your ears and your cheeks. You were beginning to gather your things and you were speaking “I’m sorry, I’ll go find some place else—”

"You can stay and do your work here. I know you won’t be disruptive,” Bela cut you off smoothly. That was the truth. The other side of that truth that this room was one of the safest places Bela created for herself while being in Miranda’s territory, the others being her apartment and a basement room in her family’s mansion. This was one of the first things she figured out to do in the last few lives and it helped her along as she experimented and created the more complicated and intricate protective wards that were meant to permanently hide you, her, and Sherry. With the information the journal gave her, she created and placed little slips of paper under the carpet and on the walls, hid them behind the motivational posters in the study room, and did something similar to her apartment and the basement room as well. They were marked with the symbols that made sure the room warded off Miranda and anyone or anything else loyal to her and her cult passing by. To them, there would only be a wall, not a study room, they wouldn’t be able to sense any presence within, and any information pertaining to this study room would jumbled for them. At least until enough time has passed for the magic of love to weaken the wards. But Bela knew there was still enough time for the wards to hold and therefore, the study room was still one of the safest places for now.

She also had this study room reserved all year, so she also didn’t have to worry about other people reserving it either. A perk of being student council president and being a favorite of the librarian.

Bela continued, “In fact, any time you need to do your homework or study, you can come to this room, since I always have it reserved under my name anyway. But,” she paused for a moment, “Please don’t bring anyone else here. I don’t mind you being here, but I don’t necessarily trust anyone else to be here and not disrupt my study and work time.”

It would be a problem if you tried to bring other people here and they were already part of the cult. They would only see a wall you had somehow disappeared into and it would tip them off that someone else at the university was using some form of magic not connected to the cult. Something they would definitely report to Miranda, which was the last thing she needed.

Your eyes were shining as you nodded and said, “I swear I won’t bring anyone else in here. Thank you for sharing your study room with me.” A few moments passed as Bela was pulling out her laptop. You spoke again, “I swear I won’t be disruptive.”

Bela looked back at you and couldn’t help but smile. “Of course,” she replied back to you. You were trying to show your gratefulness and appreciation with your words, something she always appreciated. Early on in your guys’ relationship, you figured out that she really appreciated words of affirmation. And once you did, you always made sure she had them. When you lived together in your shared home, you always left her little notes that expressed your love and appreciation for her, her gifts, and her acts of service. And when you noticed that she wasn't having the best time, you would place little jokes or memes in those notes to make her laugh or smile, or sometimes you would just give her loving words of encouragement.

Bela forced herself away from her memories to look at the notes in front of her, in an effort to look focused. She still had to figure out which flowers matched you and her loved ones best for the protection ritual, but she already had most of them figured out.

A few moments later, she heard your pen scratching your notebook and felt it was safe to look in your direction. She placed her arms on the table and laid her head down on them, while still looking at you.

Since she had spent seven years sleeping beside you, it had been… difficult, painful honestly, to go these past few days without. But you were here again with her, and Bela felt soothed enough by your presence to the point where her exhaustion finally snuck up on her and she slowly fell asleep. The last thing she saw was you, being completely focused on your studies.

Chapter Text

Imperium In Imperio
(An Empire Within An Empire)

Bela was laying her head in your lap, her eyes closed, as you continued to read your book quietly, your free hand threading into her hair and massaging her head idly. You were so good to her. It had been a tiring day within her business since she had spent the majority of the day trying to develop several creative visions for a somewhat picky client. She was happy to just bask in your touch and physical affection even if you were paying attention to other things.

“Bela,” you whispered, your voice adding to her relaxation.

“Yes, sweetheart?” she mumbled back.

“Bela,” you gently pulled your hand away from her hair, “it’s time to wake up…”

“Not yet,” she whined quietly, moving to grasp your hand and place it back onto her head. She heard you chuckle at her antics.

“Bela, palangga, you gotta wake up for me… Please?…” you cooed.

Bela decided then and there she would open her eyes now since you asked so sweetly, and she did. She stared up into your pretty eyes and smiled at you, only to see your eyes widen and watch you stumble back to your backpack. She felt herself slowly come back to her body, to the waking world, and she slowly moved back into her chair, staring at the table. The drastic shift of being so close to you, the intimacy of your touch, to you now being so far away, made her feel like she was just tossed into the depths of a cold, cold ocean.

She had been dreaming. She used to lay her head in your lap often, with your fingers playing with her hair or massaging her head, as you read or when you played video games or watched TV. She loved being able to just be with you, loved being able to touch and be touched by you, even when you were focused on other things. It grounded her, soothed her.

Your voice shook her from her memories, reminding her that she couldn’t have any of that with you at this moment. “Bela, are you okay? Did I… disrupt a good dream or something?”

Bela blinked, before rubbing her eyes with one hand to keep her tears at bay and said, “You did, but it’s okay.”

“I’m sor—”, you began. She cut you off firmly, it wasn’t your fault, “No need to apologize. The library is in the middle of closing, right?”

You nodded quietly, the concern still plain on your face.

“Then let’s get going.” Bela silently congratulated herself on keeping her voice as steady as she could.

Bela had no intention of letting you walk to the dorms alone at night. She was concerned that Miranda would try to do something. When you told her that there was no need, she decided that she would tease you instead. And she missed being by your side, she missed being able to make you exasperated and also be a brat towards her back. She wished she could hold you. She wished you were coming back to the apartment with her so you could just sleep in her arms. But she couldn’t ask that of you. Not in this moment. Not like this.

“How is the weather down there?” she asked, with amusement in her tone. She never told you before, but she loved the height difference between you both. You just fit so well together—

“It’s just fine actually. What about you? Have any birds smacked into you yet?”

Bela immediately paused. You mentioned ‘birds’ and there they were, a couple of crows standing on the opposite sidewalk. Bela felt that the crows were simply looking around and staring through her when they looked at you both, not at her, and felt a tinge of relief. That meant the protective rune she had in her pocket still worked and since you were right next to her, you were also protected by the rune too. She shifted a little bit more closer to your side.

But the presence of these crows meant that Miranda was keeping an eye out for you.

“Bela, did I say something—”

She cut you off quietly, “There are crows over there, do you see them?”

You murmured that you did.

Bela glanced back towards you, “Let’s get you back to the dorms.”

“I—uh… Okay.”

She felt the slightly heavier atmosphere she had inadvertently created with her seriousness and she cringed inwardly. She wanted you to enter the dorms on a lighter note.

“You said your favorite tea is peppermint, right?” Bela asked, doing her best to keep her tone casual.

“Oh you remember that?” you laughed slightly, “Yeah, peppermint is my favorite. I just really love the taste of it.”

“So… you would say that peppermint tea is the best tea of all time?”

“Nothing can beat peppermint,” you said, clearly assured of your opinion. She figured you’d say that.

“Objectively, you’re wrong, because hibiscus tea is the best tea of all time,” Bela said confidently.

“What?!” you exclaimed playfully, “That’s impossible! I assure you, peppermint is the best! You just haven’t had the full peppermint experience!”

Bela laughed, feeling joy at your silliness. “Ah, but have you had the full hibiscus experience?” she teased back.

“Well… I haven’t tried hibiscus before,” you said thoughtfully. She knew that. It was a year into your marriage when you decided to take her on a tea-tasting spree at a local tea shop and she ended up loving hibiscus tea because of it. You liked it too, but you always preferred peppermint more.

“I’ll make sure to bring you some next time.”

Then Bela and you were at the entrance to the dorms. You looked up at her and said, “Thank you for walking me back here, Bela. I appreciate it.”

She couldn’t help but tease you again. “It wasn’t a big deal, I had parked my car here after all.” That was the truth, she did. But she also wanted to spend more time with you. She wasn’t sure when she would be able to see you again. She hoped it was soon. There were a myriad of choices you could make, but she still wanted to earn your trust at the very least. She still wanted to show that she was someone you could go to for help if you needed it.

You were glaring at her halfheartedly and then you turned away from her, “Goodnight, Bela.”

She could hear the fond exasperation in your tone. She smiled inwardly, “Goodnight,” she said as you were closing the door, “Sweetheart.”

Unknown Number:

I’ll do my best to get it for you, but I’m telling you, what you’re asking for is practically impossible. And I want to be included in the other ritual too, if they choose you in the end. I want protection from that woman too.

Bela:

Alright. That means I need a photo of your face for the ritual. It doesn’t need to be a large photo.

Unknown Number:

I’ll put it with the pile of papers that I’ll give you the next time I see you.

Bela didn’t know what she did to earn the blessings of the gods, but she was grateful all the same. After the first time you entered her study room and she granted you permission to use it, you kept coming back to study and do your homework there. She assumed you would eventually choose to study elsewhere, like at the tables that were much closer to the windows overlooking the campus grounds. In the last couple of lives, that was your preferred place to study and you always grumbled to her when they were taken. During your study breaks there, you would always look out the window, watching the leaves or the snow fall, and she would be watching you more often than not. It was moments like that where she wished she had taken a photo, if only to preserve the image of your beauty looking out into the world with a peaceful expression.

Now without fail, you would show up to her study room. And she began to think of it as your shared study room, that it was yours just as much as it was hers.

She also remembered that you had a penchant for forgetting to eat when you were too absorbed in what you were doing or working on. When you both had lived together in the last life, she always made sure to check if you ate or not, and brought you food and your favorite tea. And nine times out of ten, if she left you to your own devices, you would’ve forgotten to eat. She eventually…taught you, in a much more enjoyable way to look after yourself and remember to eat, but she obviously couldn’t do that now. So she decided to start with a tried and true method of bringing food back to you when you were in the study room. And she was pleased to do it for you.

She placed your tea at a safe distance from your laptop and said, “I got you a peppermint tea and sandwiches for both of us.”

You perked up at the mention of peppermint tea and eyed the sandwiches curiously on her side of the table, “I thought we weren’t allowed to eat those in the library?” you asked up, looking up at her with expectancy in your eyes.

“We aren’t, but you look like you could use a break and,” she said as she closed the blinds of the window looking into the library, “The librarian trusts me anyway.”

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was until you pointed it out,” you smiled sheepishly. “What kind of sandwich did you bring?” You worried her at times. She admired your work ethic and your focus, but you needed to look after yourself more.

“I brought us both roasted turkey avocado BLT sandwiches,” she said, triumph in her voice.

“Really?” you said excitedly, “I love those!”

She handed you your sandwich and watched as you began to eat. She knew you loved them. And when you two were in a relationship, whenever she brought you food, you always thanked her with kisses. But you wouldn’t do that now, even though she wished you would.

“I’m glad I guessed it right then,” she said quietly.

She turned back to her laptop, forcing herself to focus on what she needed to do and not fall into a spiral of despair. She had figured out a majority of the flowers she needed to get, so she decided to focus on some official work instead. Her mother had sent out a few memos that listed the artists she wanted to contact and she needed to edit the writers’ emails so that they had the strongest possible chance of getting the chosen artist to agree to whatever her mother requested of them.

Bela began to read the first draft a writer sent before your voice interrupted her emerging thoughts about how to edit the email.

“Thank you for the tea and sandwich, Bela.”

“Of course,” she said while continuing to look at the email. Maybe if she moved that sentence to the beginning, the message would flow better?

You spoke up again, “Are you not going to eat?”

Bela looked at you and said, “I actually ate an hour earlier. I just made sure to pick up some tea and food for us both before making my way back here. I’ll eat when I get hungry.” She felt a small spark of amusement and slight exasperation beyond the glass wall. You were a hypocrite in the sense that even though you forgot to eat when you were working, you would always check and make sure that she was eating and taking care of herself when she was working. Sure, she also forgot to eat at times too, but as not as bad as you did. She looked into your eyes, trying to see if there was any indication that you did remember something of her, of your marriage and life together. But all she found was your concern and warmth, which she appreciated all the same.

You looked at your phone and stated, “Alright. But I’m going to remind you to eat at two hours before closing time today if you don’t eat before then.”

She loved it when you cared for her, giving her your attention. And she was going to take what she could get. “I’ll hold you to it.”

In reality, she was aware of the time, but she wanted to hear you remind her. She ate her sandwich in contentment as you chided her for her hypocrisy, basking in the attention you were giving her as a kitten would in a patch of sunlight.

It was nearing closing time, but Bela didn’t want to leave your presence so soon. And she was curious about how you were feeling about Miranda this time around. You haven’t remembered anything yet, but she couldn’t help but wonder if you saw Miranda in a more favorable light since you were working for her again, if you always looked forward to your working days with her. The thought of you doing so would make her feel as if she was drowning in ice water, but she had to know. She would always face the truth, no matter how unpleasant it could be.

So she asked you how you felt about working for Miranda. And she tensed as her question was fully laid bare between you both.

At her question, you slowly put your pen down, still looking down at your notes, and you began to frown, “Honestly?… It’s hard. I’m… I’m not her biggest fan. I feel like she’s just angry and bitter all the time. And hilariously enough," you gave a weary chuckle, "I feel like it's directed at me? But I think I'm just projecting and I'm probably just an easier target than whoever she's truly pissed at," you sighed quietly before continuing, "I feel like I’m just her emotional punching bag. She’s got this way of looking at you as if she’s staring into your soul and it’s really unsettling to me. And I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her, that no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to do it right in a way that satisfies her and I’m always going to piss her off. I think I’m anxious every time I have to go see her. And— I don’t like it when she throws pens at me or yells at me,” you said, finishing in a hushed whisper.

Bela clenched and unclenched her hands under the table to help herself calm down, she mentally chanted to herself to not say or do anything too hasty. Everything you said was indicative of an unhealthy workplace environment. And it was worse, considering that your boss was your bitter past lover who you didn’t remember.

“I’m not the biggest fan of her either,” Bela said, after a few moments. Her answer was a profound understatement, but she didn’t want to overwhelm you further or make it harder for you to work for Miranda. Things were hard enough for you as it was.

You were looking at her now, your eyes pensive, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to go through the entire school year, working for her like this,” you said tiredly.

Bela looked down at her notes, but she wasn't seeing them. “You don’t have to handle this on your own. I’ll do my best to help you out and protect you from her,” she declared, looking back up at you. This was something she had already promised you before in her own heart. It was only now that she was saying it out loud. A part of her wondered distantly if your feelings towards Miranda would change drastically once you remembered your life with her, but she pushed that thought away for the time being.

At her words, a blush and a smile began to appear on your face. Bela felt very satisfied about being able to lift your mood as quickly as she did. She hoped she would always have this effect on you.

“Thank you, my knight in shining armor,” you said, clearly meaning to tease her.

It wasn’t going to work. Not when she wanted to be. Not when she wanted to free you both.

“Of course,” she said softly, watching you startle at that like a deer in headlights, your face still red, and then focusing back onto your notes, clearly not knowing what to say to that.

Cute, she thought. This would've been a moment where she would've kissed you deeply and pulled away quickly enough to watch your dazed expression, watch you reaching out for her. But she contented herself in being near you instead.

Bela was back at the flower shop with a list of flowers in hand, as just herself this time. She had researched and contemplated for a long while about which flower would match each person best, and ended up with this list in her mind:

Angie - Sunflowers

Daniela - Daisies

Cassandra - Irises

Her mother - Red Roses

Aunt Donna - Helleborus ‘Dark and Handsome’

Herself - Gladioli

Your name - Peonies

Mia - Alstroemerias

She heard some shuffling and then Donna approached from the back of the store, who looked surprised to see her.

“Bela, what can I do for you?” Donna asked gently.

“Hey Aunt Donna, I would like to purchase these flowers, five of each of them,” she said, listing the flowers she needed. Five of each should be more than enough just in case one of them died before the ritual. She didn’t have the green thumb her aunt did. "Oh, and I know I didn't list colors for some of them, so for those, any colors you have of them will do."

Donna dutifully listened and after finishing writing down her order, she asked teasingly, “Are you trying to confess to someone, Bela? Most of these flowers have romantic connotations.”

For the first time in a long time, Bela spluttered, “Ah— no. I’m not trying to confess to anyone, Aunt Donna. I don’t necessarily have time for that.”

“Oh? But you have plenty of time for Angie and Daniela’s roommate, from what I've heard from them both.”

Bela stiffened and swore in her head. She forgot that Daniela talked a lot and probably told Angie her theories. And maybe you also told them what she had done for you recently. In any other instance, it would’ve been fine and she would’ve answered truthfully, but she also needed to keep a low profile. She didn’t know exactly how Miranda would react if she heard about you and her spending plenty of time together again. Bela could control what Miranda perceived when she was in close proximity or if she was near a rune she had created, but not what Miranda heard through the student grapevine. Maybe the journal would have a solution for this. She had to get back to it quickly.

Rapidly trying to think of some excuse, Bela began to speak, “I—”

Donna cut her off, “It’s okay, Bela. Your secret is safe with me. Daniela and Angie had approached me one day asking me for ideas on how to get you both together. And I told them to leave it alone, to only speak of it among themselves, and that you would find a way to win their heart. You have, after all, been doing that for many runs now. But I didn’t tell them that last part.”

Bela blinked in confusion. Many runs…?

Then it hit her. Donna remembered.

“You remember? All of them?” Bela asked quietly.

Donna nodded, the movement so subtle that Bela thought for a moment that she had simply imagined it.

“I remember them all. I remember the one where they were mine.”

At the word ‘mine’, Bela’s hand tightened automatically around her phone.

Donna noticed and laughed a little, “Don’t worry, Bela. Unlike her, I know when I cannot win.” She was smiling, but it was a wistful smile, a smile that told Bela that Donna held that one life close to her own heart.

She paused, looking at the flower list thoughtfully, “I raised you for a while, I know you’re up to something. I’m not sure what your plan is, but whatever it is, I hope you succeed. And also,” Donna looked back at her, a much more serious look in her eyes, “they love you very much. You better take good care of them.”

Bela heard the unspoken ‘or else’ loud and clear. She didn’t know how deep Donna’s feelings ran for you, but she was comforted that Donna was being supportive and looking out for you and her both. She didn’t mind Donna’s protectiveness over you. You deserved to be protected, even if she wasn’t around to do it.

She determinedly pushed away the emerging thoughts of you potentially choosing Donna, how you were the light of Donna’s life during that time, how you seemed to enjoy her possessiveness in your run with her. She refused to think of that, forcing herself to focus back on the conversation at hand.

“I will,” Bela said, her answer to what Donna hoped for and her command to take care of you.

I will, Bela thought, no matter their choice.

Donna nodded and then switched the topic back to the flowers, “I can give you some of these flowers today, but the others, you’ll have to pick them up on a different day or they can be delivered. Which one do you prefer?”

Bela answered, accepting the change of topic gratefully, “I’ll pick the rest up when they’re ready.” She moved to get her card. Donna stopped her.

“These are on the house.”

“Why?” Bela asked, though she had a feeling she knew the answer.

“I want to help. I want both of you to be happy and free.”

Bela took in her words for a few moments, and then she said, “Thank you, Aunt Donna. That means a lot to me.” Bela debated for a few seconds on whether to tell Donna about her ritual but decided against it. She knew that she didn’t fully trust Donna, mostly because of what Donna could do and had already done with her flowers under Miranda’s orders to other unfortunate souls that tried to leave the cult or avoid becoming part of it. She then thought if Donna really wanted to know, she would’ve asked. And maybe Donna wanted to use ignorance as her excuse if Miranda ever found out about her plans. That was fine with Bela.

Donna smiled, a happier one this time, saying, “You should stop by again for tea next time. I heard you finally gained a taste for it.”

Bela decided she was going to have to find a way to annoy Daniela for blabbering her mouth. Then she recalled what Donna had said about Daniela and Angie, that they were actively trying to figure out a way to get you and her together. She decided then that she could let what Daniela said slide, since she was only looking out for her as well.

Bela stood in the student council room, making sure signatures were in the right places and organizing files into their respective folders on the desk. She technically didn’t need to come in today, but staying on top of student council duties gave her time later to figure out how to approach you for the ritual of remembering. Casey had vigorously tried to convince her earlier to leave the file checking and organization to her and the rest of them and to take the day off, but Bela already knew how particular Miranda was and she didn’t want to give Miranda any reason to make her redo anything. She had already done it before. One signature in the wrong place and Miranda had sent her away with a new form to get the signatures all over again, instead of just using whiteout. Still, it was strange to Bela that Casey seemed to be trying to kick her out of the student council room without actually telling her outright to leave. She couldn't think of anything she had done or said to offend her, she didn't work anyone as hard as she did before in the earlier runs, just enough to fool Miranda at the very least, and Casey didn't seem angry at her, just... frazzled about... something. She decided to not pay it any more mind and focused back on the files in front of her.

A few of the files needed to go to the Culinary Club as they had requested to use the cafeteria kitchens for a cook-off at the end of the semester, which was granted. The gym was requesting new exercise machines and Bela had to send that request to Miranda, as she was the only one who could grant that. And there were a couple of people strongly petitioning for what seemed to be an ‘Anti-Cassandra Dimitrescu’ club, though that was not the wording they used. Bela left it in ‘pending’ pile for now, she would have to question some of people petitioning for it first.

Though she really didn’t want to know what her sister had been up to to garner a club like that.

She heard the door open and glanced up, seeing you walk in, carrying a large stack of books.

“Hey, do you need help with that?” she asked you, already getting up to help you.

“Just a bit, please and thank you,” you said, sounding slightly out of breath. She grabbed a few off the top and set them down gently where you set yours.

She waited for you to catch your breath, and then you asked, “Where are the stack of requests? Headmistress Miranda asked for them.”

Bela looked at the two fairly large stacks of files she had already organized and prepared. You sighed deeply and then said, “Alright, I’ll do one and I’ll come back for the other.”

Bela felt a surge of protectiveness run through her, settling into her hands. She knew Miranda was trying to make things difficult for you on purpose and she knew, for the sake of keeping a low profile, that she shouldn’t help. But at the same time, she didn’t want you to face Miranda alone. And she had told you that she would do her best to help you out and protect you from her, so she said decisively, “No, I’ll help you. We’ll bring the papers together.”

Casey spoke up then, “But Bela, what about the new requests from the other departments? We haven’t finished going through those yet.”

“This won’t take long,” she replied coolly, picking up a stack of files and walking out the door.

She could feel them watching as she left with you in tow. As far as they know, this is one of the handful times that you and her have interacted. She hoped.

She slowed down just enough for you to walk side-by-side.

You thanked her, and she told to not worry about it. Her mind was occupied, wondering about how Miranda was going to react to seeing you two together in some capacity. Definitely not well, her mind supplied.

When you and her entered the room, Bela watched as Miranda’s rage shimmered and writhed underneath the surface of her somewhat neutral expression.

“Why are you here, Bela?” Miranda asked, contempt obvious in the undertones of her voice.

Bela made sure to keep her tone calm and neutral when she replied, “I was just helping them with delivering the stacks of papers. That’s all. I’m going to head back to the student council room now.” She politely dropped her stack of files next to yours on Miranda’s desk.

Without glancing at you, she turned to leave. She didn’t want to leave you there with Miranda and she knew you didn’t like being alone with Miranda, but she couldn’t do anything else right now. She didn’t want to do anything drastic that could potentially push Miranda into doing something she couldn’t counter, like resetting again. She had debated on asking the journal before for a way to counter Miranda’s resets, but thought that it would simply reveal herself and her edge too early and leave her, and thus her loved ones, vulnerable. She needed to stay hidden, she had to keep Miranda in the dark. And therefore, she had to deal with every reset when it happened.

She walked back to the student council faster, the thoughts of a possible early reset weighing on her mind. She needed to ask Mia how long they had before Miranda would try to do that again. And then she would look for you in the shared study room after she finished everything she needed to do in student council today.

It was Saturday afternoon and Bela overheard a few students gossiping off in the corner as she walked towards the library, hoping to see you there.

“Did you hear Headmistress Miranda screaming as she fired her assistant?”

“I think the whole building heard it, man. I was just trying to enjoy my bubble tea while I was passing through and when she screamed, it freaked me out so much! I ended up crushing my bubble tea and got it all over my hand!”

“Pffft, that’s hilarious!” The voice continued to laugh.

“No, it wasn’t! It sucked and I still had to clean up the mess I made and it was basically right outside of her office…”

Bela quickly changed directions and picked up the pace. You needed comfort and she was going to give some in the form of tea and sandwiches as well as a listening ear if you wanted that too.

Half an hour later, she opened the door to the study room and saw you sitting there with your face in your arms. You didn’t startle when she closed the door, so she figured that you were asleep. Not wanting to disturb you, she simply sat in the chair across from you, putting down the food and drinks, and began to pull out her notes for her next exam. She would wait for you to wake up.

When you finally did an hour later, lifting your face form your arms, she saw that your eyes were puffier than usual, which meant you were crying until you fell asleep. If she had her heart fully, she knew it would’ve clenched as it always did whenever she saw you cry.

“Hey,” she started, keeping her voice gentle, “I heard about what happened.”

You huffed, the tiredness clear in your tone, “The whole school knows probably.”

Bela grimaced and nodded, while pushing your tea and sandwich towards you. “You should eat. Or if you want to talk about it now, I’ll listen."

You weren’t looking at her, just at the table. You seemed to be debating on what to say. She waited. She knew it was better to not push you.

“When Miranda hired me, she technically just blackmailed me into being her assistant. Because it was either do anything she wants or have the library ban me for accidentally destroying a book. And I didn’t want to be banned from the library since it meant being spending more money for books I need or walking all the way to the bookstore that’s five miles from here.”

Bela sipped at her tea to calm her nerves, her thoughts racing and she felt her own rage pounding at the glass wall. So that’s how Miranda got you to work for her.

“She blackmailed you into working for her?” she asked, her mouth setting into a grim line.

You nodded, answering tiredly, “Yeah.”

Bela felt her jaw twitch, and then she asked, “Do you remember the title of the book that you accidentally destroyed?”

You gave her the title of the book.

She wrote it down in her planner. “I’ll help you figure out a way to replace the book or at the very least, make amends with the librarian over it,” she said easily.

“Really?” you asked, your voice sounding shocked.

She nodded. She would always help you. You didn’t remember it now, but she included that in her vows to you.

“Why are you doing this for me?”

Bela simply said, “Because I want to.” Then she swiftly changed the subject.

“What made Miranda fire you?”

You looked tiredly at your tea. “I’m not sure honestly. She called me to her office today to deliver her coffee order and to… just ask me a question.” You paused for a bit. She waited for you to continue.

“She asked me if I love blindly. And I told her my honest answer, that it depends on what they do, the actions they take to achieve their goals because the ends do not justify the means to me, that it matters whether their morals, principles and goals align with my own.”

You took a deep breath and continued, “And then she asked me why. And I said because I do, because I want to do what’s right for me and others too. And then… something weird happened. I said,” you paused for a moment, “‘Ripping apart other people’s families for the sake of achieving my own goals will never be right to me’ out of nowhere. I didn’t consciously choose to say those words. Those words felt like they came up from a much deeper part of me, or something like that.”

Bela remembered you shouting something similar to Miranda before she reset everything again. Did some part of you remember that life? Did some part of you remember her? You never remembered anything before in the past runs. It had cut her deeply when she realized in the second run of you and her that you just didn't remember and you probably never would, but that didn't deter her from continuing to court you and trying to show you that she could be a good partner for you in every run after. She was just stubbornly determined like that.

“Bela?? What’s wrong?” You were scrambling to get her a napkin and hand it to her, but she put her hand over yours which made you pause.

She didn’t even notice she had tears in her eyes. “I’m fine, I promise. Just continue,” she took the napkin from you and wiped at her eyes gently with it.

“Alright, well… I said those things right? And I guess they were the wrong things to say because after the last thing I said, she just stared at me like she wanted to rip my heart out,” you gave a dry chuckle, “then she fired me and when I asked why, she just screamed at me to get out.”

You looked at the table again.

“And then, I came here because it was the safest, private place I can think of. And I cried for a really long time until I fell asleep. And now… we’re here.”

Bela was quiet for a few moments before she said, “Well, I’m glad this is the safest place you can think of.” It made her feel good to know that you thought of the study room as a safe place.

“You make it feel safe,” you said quietly.

Bela had to fight the need to get up and go around the table to hold you in her arms. You had told her before that being in her arms always made you feel safe. Instead, she said gently, “I’m glad I can make it feel safe for you.” She wished she could do more for you. She watched as you nodded at her and then reached for your tea. And then a thought eased its way to the front of her mind.

“Do you plan on getting another job?” You’ve worked for Donna before. She wondered if you were planning to do that again.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. My initial plan, on the day Miranda hired me, was to go to the club fair and see what club I wanted to join. But then my economics professor emailed us an assignment that was due the next day and so I had to find the library.”

Your initial plan was to go to the club fair. Every time you went to the club fair, you always ended up joining student council in some capacity, and you ended up falling in love with her. Bela wondered if this was a good omen, something that meant you would choose her in the end. She felt a small hope spark up within her at that thought.

“And you stumbled through the club fair where I ended up giving you directions to the library,” she said thoughtfully.

“Yes, I know, I remember.”

“Did Miranda even pay you?”

“Pay me? No, she didn’t. No money was made. Only stress and emotional damage,” you joked halfheartedly.

Bela felt immensely annoyed, and beyond the glass wall surrounding her heart, she sensed her swirling agitation at Miranda's treatment of you. You deserved to be treated with kindness and respect. You deserved to have your time and energy be compensated fairly. And even though you said you weren’t planning on getting another job, surely it wouldn’t hurt to offer something to you that you would actually be paid for, and therefore have the means to provide for yourself. And if you said no, then Bela wouldn’t push it further.

“Alright, hear me out: what if you come work for my mother’s art business?”

“Huh? What would I do?” you asked doubtfully, “I mean I make my own art, but I don’t think anything I’ve created is at a level where it can be shown in a gallery and sold.”

Bela wanted to tell you that you were wrong, that your art was amazing and outstanding and brilliant and plenty of your older art did get sold for high prices. But now was not the time to say that. Instead, she explained that her mother had a secret society of artists and though she couldn’t necessarily place you in the society itself because it was genuinely up to her mother, there were other aspects in the business that had positions open, like the communications department.

“My mother reaches out to well-known and world-renowned artists, requesting them to come to the university and hold workshops for the secret society. And we also reach out to galleries about showcasing the art pieces of the society as well as selling the pieces themselves.”

“So you’re saying I just have to write emails to well-known and world-renowned artists and galleries? Who would I know who to contact?”

“You don’t have to worry about that, my mother decides who we reach out to or who to respond to. She gives us brief memos about the people and organizations she wants us to contact, then the two writers draft out their emails and I help with editing them to make sure we have the possible chance of getting the outcome we’re looking for.”

You seemed to be deep in thought about what she was saying. She hoped you would say yes. If not now, then eventually.

“And I’ll get paid?”

She looked at you in amusement, “Of course you will be. And we wouldn’t throw you into writing the emails without training you first.”

“So… I would be a writer and you would be my editor?"

“Your editor as well as your boss, as I am technically the communications manager,” she said, with confidence.

Your jaw dropped. “What?!” you exclaimed. Bela couldn’t help but preen a little at your attention.

“How do you keep up with being a communications manager, along with your student council responsibilities and your homework?” you asked, with awe apparent in your voice.

She chuckled, “Oh it was definitely, extremely hard and challenging at first. But I figured out how to balance it all. And I would say being the communications manager is the easiest out of all these things.” It was way easier now, since she had all of her homework saved from past loops.

“Wow… you’re amazing…” she overheard you saying to yourself.

Bela tried her hardest to not look so proud of herself. It just felt so nice to hear you praise her again.

“Okay, I’ll do it. When do we start?”

Bela beamed happily at you, you sounded so certain of your decision, and started to look through her schedule on her phone, looking for a free day for you and her.

“We can start this Wednesday. I’ll give you my number and I’ll pick you up after your classes and bring you over to my apartment, since I set up my own office space there. If that’s okay?”

Bela knew the work could technically be done here, in the study room, but she felt like it was easier to just have you come over and teach you how the job worked in her own space. At least, that was what she kept telling herself.

“Yeah, sounds good. Thank you, Bela,” you smiled softly at her, the kind of smile that always let her know that you loved and appreciated her. She loved when you smiled at her like that.

“You’re welcome, ki—” Then she started to cough a bit. Ah, she had forgotten when and where she was for a moment, and almost let that endearment slip in front of you. She needed to be more careful. Otherwise, you might just think she was creepy. She grimaced internally at that idea.

“You okay?” You sounded so concerned. You always cared. She didn’t want you to worry about her.

“Yes, yes I’m fine,” she waved you off, taking a quick sip of her tea to steady herself.

Another moment later, you were looking through your backpack for something. Once you found it, you took it out and placed it down in front of her.

“What’s this?” she asked, staring at the beautifully wrapped gift.

“It’s my gift for you. Since you shared your private study room with me and helped me out with a bunch of other things along with comforting me today, I wanted to give my gratitude as a gift. Hopefully, you like it and find it useful,” you said quietly.

Bela gently unwrapped the gift, taking care not to rip the wrapping, and found an elegant, dark blue, leather-bound notebook. She stared at it for a long while. When you two were together and married for about a year, you eventually realized how much she loved journaling in pretty journals. And so every year after, one of your gifts, whether for her birthday or for Christmas, always ended up being a journal for her.

“Ah… do you not like it? I’m sorry, I can do better next—”

She cut you off gently but firmly, “I actually love it. Very much. Thank you for this.” She really did love it. She opened it, reached for a pen and started to write on the first page.

I think some part of them remembers loving me.

Chapter Text

In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Meum
(Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit)

Unknown Number:

You understood what I was trying to say during our last encounter, right?

Bela:

Yes. I don’t understand why you couldn’t have just texted it.

Unknown Number:

There are eyes and ears everywhere and sometimes, it’s easier to hide in plain sight.

Bela:

Fair enough.

Bela stared at the meal in front of her, roasted chicken with broccoli and roasted potatoes, thinking over the earlier conversation she had with you and Mia outside of the study room. At first, she was worried that Mia had gone back on her end of the deal and was actively trying to sabotage her efforts for the rituals, but Mia had only made the excuse of asking you to study in order to let her know that they had six months before Miranda would try to reset again. The only reason she knew Mia was masking the information through that conversation was because Mia was someone who had already known that she, as student council president, always requested that study room to be reserved for the entire year.

That, and her subsequent follow-up texts.

But six months? Miranda usually waited a whole year. But Mia had let her know early on that part of it was because Miranda needed to recover before resetting since it took a lot of power to do so and to maintain her memories along with Mia’s. Another part of it was just Miranda being cruel and showing you and whoever you chose that run that she was allowing them time before taking you away again, not that you or anyone else really remembered, except herself and Donna. Bela knew then from those pieces of information that all of these multiple resets were getting to Miranda, that Miranda was losing her patience and probably becoming more and more desperate to have you. Bela knew she had to proceed extra carefully, as she understood that desperate people were extremely dangerous and capable of whatever they believed they needed to do in order to fulfill their goals.

She bit daintily into a roasted potato, the garlic and other spices hitting and exploding deliciously upon her taste buds. Her mother always hired the best for herself and her family. She made sure to tune back into the present moment, where she was at an impromptu family dinner called by her mother a day ago. Daniela wasn’t present as she always tried to avoid these family dinners nowadays because of their mother badgering her about her future, which Bela didn’t blame Daniela for, though part of her wished she was here as well. She understood her situation better now because of the run you had with Daniela. And her mother and Cassandra were currently discussing Cassandra’s ideas and plans for the musical.

“Have you found the right phantom for your show, Cassandra?” her mother asked.

“I have, it took a while but I found them. Their voice is phenomenal when they sing the phantom’s lines,” Cassandra said with stars in her eyes. She continued to chatter on about her phantom lead and her ideas to make it the best musical yet.

Bela wondered if she should’ve done the same thing as Daniela and avoided coming to this dinner. She did want to spend time with them, but she also needed to keep preparing everything for the protection ritual. And she still needed to ask you to take the potion for the ritual of remembering. She wasn’t quite sure how to go about it without you potentially refusing her and calling her insane. She only had six months to pull this off, maybe even less if Miranda found a way to recover faster.

“Bela, you’ve been awfully quiet, is everything alright? I would’ve thought you would’ve jumped in with some suggestions for Cassandra’s show by now,” her mother said to her, her eyes peering over her glass of wine.

Right. That was something she usually did. “Apologies mother, I’ve— I’ve just been preoccupied with other things, my work and school.” She hoped that was enough to turn the conversation away from her.

Cassandra chuckled, “I bet you’re just preoccupied with Daniela and Angie’s roommate.”

Bela glared heatedly at her sister who was sitting right across from her. She would’ve kicked Cassandra, but she couldn’t get away with that with their mother being right there. Cassandra just smirked back at her, knowing exactly why she couldn’t be harmed in any way.

“Daniela’s roommate?…” her mother’s eyes gleamed with recognition, and Cassandra's implication clearly going over her head as she said, “Ah, them. They are a talented, hard worker much like yourself, aren't they Bela? I was thinking of asking them to join my secret society, based on some of their paintings I’ve seen."

Bela tensed at that. The first time you joined her mother’s secret society, you—

She shoved a potato in her mouth and chomped down forcefully, and then took a few generous sips of her water to help her swallow before finally cutting up her chicken and shoving a piece of it into her mouth as well. She didn’t want to think about that one. She refused. If you chose her mother—

"Aghh!" She choked on the chicken she had shoved in her mouth. She swore in her head and reached for her water again, gulping down a larger amount of it, and gasped quietly when she was finally able to breathe normally.

“Woah Bela! The food isn’t going anywhere. You alright?” Cassandra asked with concern.

Bela could feel her mother’s eyes looking at her in alarm. “Yes, Bela, the food certainly won’t get up and leave. Are you feeling alright?” she heard her mother say.

Bela breathed deeply for a few moments, cleared her throat, and then said, “I’m alright, just really hungry. I haven't had this meal in a while.” Then she turned back to her mother, replying to the initial statement about you, “And I think that would be a good idea, to ask them to join the secret society. But they might already have their hands full with their new job.”

“A pity,” her mother said with disappointment clear in her expression. “Well, I’ll still ask them if they wish to join regardless. It never hurts to ask.”

Cassandra and her mother began to talk again, this time about Cassandra’s plans after university, and Bela took that time to gather her thoughts and center herself.

She shoved away the run she never wanted to think about again into her mental box of ‘Things To Never Think About Again.’ Instead, she thought about the past runs of you and her, where you did end up joining the secret society at her mother's urging, but you still fell in love with her anyway.

Those runs were always nerve-wracking in the beginning, because she always had to face the possibility of you choosing and being with her mother, but you always chose her in the end. It probably helped that she was allowed to be there in person in the secret society to help artists with communicating to galleries where their art was going to be sold. When you were part of the secret society, she always made time to show up in person, instead of just relying on email. And she always helped you quite a bit, since you were always so timid and insecure about your art in the beginning. She made sure to always encourage you too by always telling you that your art was truly amazing and outstanding every time you showed her a piece you made.

"It’s not that great, Bela, you’re lying to me.“ You had quietly said that to her one night in the studio of the secret society after you finished putting your oil paints away. She had stayed with you because she wanted to watch you paint and keep you company. And you allowed her to, blushing from embarrassment all the while.

“I would never lie to you. The art you make is amazing,” she affirmed stubbornly.

And over time, with her adamant determination to help you become proud of your art, you began to grow in your artistic confidence in those runs.

It was also in those runs where her relationship with her mother was, to put it plainly, painfully awkward and filled with tension, since she could always tell when her mother started to develop feelings for you, but you always gravitated towards her instead. Thankfully, her mother never did anything to sabotage her relationship with you and she always gave her blessing, even though Bela could see her mother’s own quiet longing in the way her eyes followed your form as sunflowers followed the sun.

Bela couldn’t quite bring herself to feel guilty about that. If you chose her, you chose her, and that was that. And she always did everything she could to make sure you didn’t regret your choosing her. She always would.

She stared at her mostly empty plate, vaguely hearing her mother and Cassandra’s animated conversation. She felt the minute painful clench beyond the glass wall. She truly hoped, against all odds, that you chose her again. Then the image of the journal you gifted her flashed in her mind's eye. She lingered on it for a few moments, figuring it must've come to mind because she was thinking of you, before she decided to finally participate in the discussion between her mother and Cassandra.

"Cassandra, would you ever want to play Christine Daaé on Broadway?" Bela asked during a lull in the conversation.

"Yes!" Cassandra exclaimed, her eyes shining with joy. "The story is so rich, the love triangle between her, the Phantom, and Raoul. The auditioning for her role is competitive though, but I think as long as I keep practicing mixing my chest voice and head voice while going for brighter vowels, I think I should be able to land that role..."

The moment you stepped into her apartment that day for the interview and training, and sat down at the kitchen table, Bela felt like she was back to when you were both married to each other and living together in your shared home. She was able to keep enough focus to teach you how to write and what to write, despite her urges to kiss you or hold you close. Though there was none of the physical affection and intimacy that she had grown so accustomed to and desired, there was still plenty of intimacy in your time together. She wondered if you felt it too.

After that day, you and her continued to meet in the study room, on the weekends mostly. And she figured you were happy you could technically work from anywhere you wanted now. She wondered if you planned on working from your dorm. When you first started living together and your own business of selling your art took off, you told her how happy you were to finally be able to work from home, as it was more peaceful and comfortable for you to do so.

She was currently typing away at her laptop, attending to some work emails with a few art galleries and their requests for some of the secret society's artists to showcase their paintings in person, when her phone buzzed in a particular pattern that let her know it was Mia. She picked it up and opened the message.

Unknown Number:

They are planning to drug them tonight and have M pick them up
[sent 2 photos]
A picture of you sitting on your own in a booth, chatting with someone.
A picture of the name of a bar that was nearby and always frequented by students.

Bela shot up from her seat, grabbing her keys and her rune stones, and haphazardly ran out of her apartment and into her car. Then she drove as fast as she could to the bar Mia showed her, quickly turning on the rune that hid her presence from all eyes.

She sprinted to the front of the bar, frantically looking for you through the windows. She couldn't see you among the crowd. You weren’t in any of the booths. She was about to go charging in to check the bathroom when a hand firmly gripped her forearm, catching her off-guard.

“Miss Bela, dragostea ta is in an alleyway nearby. Follow me.” She turned to look at the speaker and saw that the voice belonged to Zane, the janitor she had met a long time ago.

He was already walking away quickly. She caught up with him, following his lead, and then it struck her.

He could see her. Despite the symbols of the Sustainers.

“How can you see me?" she asked quietly, as she looked around. No one was paying them any attention, seeming to stare straight through them as they walked by.

“This isn’t the time for questions, child. Dragostea ta needs you,” Zane whispered back calmly as he stopped in front of a darkened alleyway. He pointed to a hunched figure near the wall, and quietly whispered, “There.”

She hurried up to you and found you slumped against the alleyway wall, on the verge of passing out, your eyelids fluttering. She heard the caw of a crow and she knew Miranda was close by. She immediately gathered you into her arms, and you struggled weakly against her, whimpering in fear. She couldn’t blame you, you probably weren’t aware of anything at this point. As she stood up, she looked to the entrance of the alleyway and instead of Zane, she saw Miranda standing there, a few feet away, her silhouette framed by the streetlights, looking blankly at her, through her. Her face was framed in shadows and her eyes seemed to be glowing an ominous gold.

Bela knew her heart would be thumping loud and fast if she had it. She had the rune stones in her pocket, their magic still had to hold. She remembered enough in her panic to bring a specifically made rune that made sure to distort the reality perceptions of Miranda and any cult members around her and so they would only see their preferred reality, the result they were looking for, and it would remain like that in their memories. Therefore, Miranda would only perceive what she herself wanted to perceive, her ideal outcome. And it would be the same for the crow and any cult members who were already watching you too. The distortion of their perceptions and memories would buy her some time to get you to safety.

She tightened her arms around you. She couldn’t lose you here. She had to be hidden. Not enough time had passed yet. She waited to see what Miranda would do.

Miranda stood there for a few more moments, before simply turning around and walking away to her car, the crow quietly flying after her.

Bela let out a breath of profound relief. Miranda still wasn’t able to perceive her, perceive you. Not yet anyway. To Miranda, it was likely that she believed she was bringing you back with her, probably to her own home. The other cult members probably perceived that too as she saw all of the ones she could recognize beginning to walk away from the area once Miranda did so herself.

In her mind, Bela profusely thanked the Sustainers for letting her use their symbols. She left the alleyway quickly but steadily, she needed to get you both out of there. Part of her wondered where Zane went and how he was able to see her when no one else could. But she refocused on the present, you were the main priority right now. She could think about Zane and the mystery surrounding him later, once you were both safe.

She walked more confidently this time with you in her arms, but still taking care to not jostle you too much, knowing that no one would be able to perceive her carrying you back to her car.

She placed you gently in the passenger’s seat and once she got into the car, she drove as fast as she could away from the area.

You were moaning weakly in your unconscious state and it made her anxious and uneasy.

Her thoughts worked quickly into overdrive. She needed to get you help, she needed to get you somewhere safe, and she knew she could drop you at your dorm, but she knew she couldn’t leave you alone, you were just drugged, you needed someone to help you when you woke up, and she didn’t know where Angie and Daniela were. She didn’t see them inside the bar and she knew you only came out to the bar when those two asked you to. She was also concerned that Miranda was going to seek you out right after, demanding answers. It was possible that once Miranda woke up and you weren’t there…

Then you might suffer for it when she found you again, or she would try to keep you closer to her. The idea of Miranda doing that with you gave Bela a tight feeling in her chest. And you wouldn’t know how to answer how you got from the bar to your dorm and there was a strong chance that Miranda would suspect her. Bela knew she had already risked her anonymity by coming out to get you. Miranda would definitely be searching for the thing or entity that tampered with her mind and memories.

Bela figured you would have questions, that you would be wondering how she was able to find you and get you if she brought you to her own apartment or stayed with you in your dorm. She hated the idea of lying to you about what happened and she feared that if she did lie, and once you found out, she would lose whatever trust you had in her. But even if she said to you, 'Oh, Mia told me that Miranda's Cult was going to drug you and have Miranda pick you up, so I came rushing in to rescue you,' would you even believe her? And even if you did, that would lead to more questions that you'd want answered. She wouldn’t be able to answer your questions fully and honestly without explaining everything else...

The ritual of remembering flashed in her mind's eye. She could— She could ask you to drink the potion for the ritual of remembering to help her with explaining. And when you remembered everything, her explanation would make complete sense and she wouldn’t have to deal with you not believing her. It was already ready. She just didn’t know when the right time to ask you to drink it was until now. The ritual would explain everything you needed to know, and then she could explain how she was able to find you and more. You would have your answers. And then she would know for sure who it was you truly wanted. And if you chose her or someone else that wasn’t Miranda, then the protection ritual was almost ready too, she just needed the last thing. Hopefully, Mia would be able to acquire it soon.

Bela had already stored the potion for the ritual of remembering in the warded room in the basement of her family’s mansion, where she also kept the things for the other ritual. She had warded her apartment first but she felt that a location farther away from the university, farther away from Miranda, was much safer. And it was likely that Miranda would check her apartment first, if she suspected her of anything.

At her family’s mansion, Bela could take care of you there, protect you and her both from Miranda, and answer your questions after she asked you to drink the potion and do the ritual of remembering.

Her mind made up, she accelerated her way to her family’s mansion.

Since it was so late at night, none of the staff were awake to greet her at the door, which served her just fine. Her mother was home, judging by her car in the driveway and she was probably asleep. Even if her mother was awake, it wouldn’t have mattered, she wouldn’t have perceived her anyway. But to Bela, it was still prudent to be cautious.

She carried you gently from her car into her home, into the warded room, where she first placed you on the couch. Then she went to grab a spare cot from the storage area to lay you down properly and make you more comfortable.

Once she settled you onto the cot and placed a blanket over you, she stumbled back to the couch and fell onto it, the adrenaline leaving her veins. She was exhausted. Still, she opened up her phone and texted Mia back.

Bela:

Thank you.

A few minutes later, she got a reply.

Unknown Number:

Just keep them safe. I don’t know what you did, but Miranda seemed completely out of it when she was leaving the alley. I hope you know what you’re doing.

Bela locked her phone and glanced at you. She mentally went over what you needed when you woke up. Definitely fresh water, paper towels, and a bucket. And you would probably want to brush your teeth too, so a toothbrush and toothpaste as well. She would get them for you in a bit. She needed to rest for a moment and gather her courage to ask you what needed to be asked.

Her thoughts went back to Zane and how he had seen through the magic of the symbols. She wondered if he was a Sustainer himself. Or perhaps he was just another benign entity. He had to have been the one who left her the journal in the first place. He clearly helped her out and he called you her love. He knew things, maybe more things than she did. She hoped that she would eventually see him again so she could thank him properly and ask him a few questions about himself.

Bela was relieved when you woke up and she felt relieved again when you simply agreed to do the ritual of remembering. You trusted her fully, willing to go along with her even if you didn’t completely understand what was going on or why.

She was decidedly not relieved when, after completing the ritual, you clutched at your head in pain and were gasping as if you were dying, your eyes fluttering closed.

“No no no, please be okay, please be alive, please…” Bela whispered desperately as she held you close and felt for your pulse on your wrist. Once she felt it, she kept her finger on it for a few more minutes just reassure herself that you were still alive. Your pulse was faint, but it was there, fluttering like a hummingbird's wings in flight.

She maneuvered you both as gently as she could so that your head was laying on her thighs. Your eyelids were beginning to flutter, but they didn’t open, and you began to frown in your asleep. Bela figured that you were beginning to recover all of your memories and now all she had to do was wait.

She leaned back onto the couch, wondering what exactly you would say to her once you woke up. She wondered if you would demand to go see Miranda immediately. Or if you would tell her that you loved someone else still. She tried to keep her mind from spiraling into more "what-ifs" by focusing on your breathing. It was soft and steady, and she allowed it to anchor her to the present moment.

A few minutes later, you began to whimper in your sleep and she saw that a few tears were slipping from your closed eyes. Whatever memory you were reliving, it wasn’t a good one.

Bela knew she couldn’t just wake you up without messing up the process, so she searched her own memories for something that would soothe you.

She remembered that you tended to use music to help you sleep, some sort of soothing instrumentals or nature noise, but she left her phone on the table and she didn’t have the heart to leave you in order to retrieve it. Then a faint memory shuffled its way to the front of her mind. Once you heard her sing, you told her you loved her voice and found it soothing when she sang softly, that her soft singing voice could help you sleep. She decided to sing one of your favorite songs from your favorite musical. She hoped it would help you somehow.

“No more talk of darkness,
forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing will harm you,
my words will warm and calm you.“

“Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears;
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.“

She hummed Christine’s parts softly, remembering all the times when you sang this song with her, singing Raoul's parts to the memory of you.

“Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light;
you're safe, no one can find you,
your fears are far behind you.“

"Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you, here beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too."

She whispered you name quietly and then sang, "That's all I ask of you."

“Love me—That’s all I ask of you…”

When she finished humming and singing her way through the song, you were no longer whimpering or crying in your sleep. You seemed more at ease. Bela heaved a relieved sigh and gently caressed your wrist with her thumb.

She wondered if you would choose her again once you remembered everything. As she continued to wonder, her exhaustion crept up on her, and so she slowly stumbled into her own sleep, dreaming of you and her together, with Sherry and the rest of her family living a much happier life, where there was never any Miranda or her cult to take it away from her.

Chapter Text

Amor Animi Arbitrio Sumitur, Non Ponitur
(We Choose To Love, We Do Not Choose To Cease Loving)

When you woke up again, your head was on Bela’s lap and she was currently asleep. You gently eased yourself off her, sitting up and rubbing your face with both hands. You felt your heart rate speed up a bit as you gazed upon her face and you took some deep breaths to help your heart calm down. You did as she asked and you remembered everything, even though the process was excruciating in the beginning. But going through the process was worth it. You had all of your memories back, which held plenty of information that could help you both. At least, you hoped so. And now, you were aware that Bela’s heart was currently numbed and repressed. You wondered how the both of you were going to get it back this time around. A large part of you doubted that you could just go up to Miranda and ask for it again and have her return it to Bela as she had done before. And there was everyone else in their own situations with Miranda too, like Daniela and her curse. You gritted your teeth. You wanted to help her and the rest of them. You wondered if Bela already had a plan for all of that.

You were also now aware of who drugged you. Though it was less about a specific person and more about a specific cult. You remembered that Cinder was part of the cult and she was the one who handed you your water. You grimaced at that and mentally told yourself to focus back on the present, where you were currently safe and sound with Bela.

You wondered how much she knew, how much she remembered of all the loops and all of your lives together. You loved her. You chose her over and over again. You wanted to tell her that you still love her, that you would always choose her, no matter what. And you hoped that she would still feel the same once you told her what you remembered about who you were in your first life.

But you didn’t want to wake her. So you decided to wait until she woke up. You checked your phone. Several calls and texts from Daniela and Angie. You knew you needed to respond to them soon, but you felt as if you should wait until you had discussed everything you needed to with Bela. You knew if you told them where you were, they would immediately just come get you. But you didn’t need that right now. Right now, you needed to talk to Bela and let her know how you felt towards her.

Bela awoke a few moments later, blinking blearily at her lap, and then she looked around in a panic that settled once she saw you sitting there next to her.

“Hey Bela,” you said, your voice carrying a loving softness and fondness that you haven’t expressed in so long.

Bela blinked at you in surprise and then cleared her throat. “Hey,” she replied softly back.

You could sense she was struggling with what to say, so you went first, “I remember now. I remember everything. I remember being with someone different in the other time loops. I remember being with Cassandra, Angie, Daniela…” you hesitated a little, wondering if you should even say the next one, “uh… your mother," you watched as Bela winced at that and you barreled on quickly, wanting to move past that as well, "Donna, and all of my lives with you. I remember our child, Sherry,” you said, choking up a little, before continuing, “I remember Miranda and her cult. I remember her resetting me.”

Bela nodded, a relieved yet melancholic expression taking over her face. So she did remember all of them, you thought, your heart aching for her quietly. Then she frowned a little and asked, “Do you remember your…” she paused, looking as if she was trying to find the right words, “your first life with Miranda? Do you remember Eva?”

Your eyes widened in surprise, you wondered how much she knew, and you asked, “How do you know about that?”

Bela looked away to the floor before responding, “Mia told me at the end of our last life together. When Miranda was busy resetting you.”

Before you could think of how to respond and not just feel the surge of anxious rage towards Miranda and protectiveness over Bela in your chest, she continued, “Mia said that you had loved Miranda deeply and that when you remembered fully, that you would always love her and choose her, because that’s what you had told her before. And I… I told Mia that I wanted you to remember too. But I wanted you to remember everything because I wanted you to have full clarity with whatever choice you make.”

You and her were both silent for different reasons. Your mind was reeling at the idea that Bela could think that you wouldn’t choose her, love her, want her, and Bela was trying to figure out how she wanted to word her request.

“I would like to know if… if you—” she grumbled quietly under her breath and then continued,“… If you would choose me again… And if you don’t, if you choose someone else, or even… even Miranda,” she grimaced as she said that, “I’ll respect that and I’ll let you go. If you still love and want Miranda, then… I ask you to just help me and my family be free from her, at the very least.”

Bela still couldn’t look you in the eyes. She was now staring at her clenched hands in her lap instead.

You sat there, staring at her in disbelief. You wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but at the same time, you knew she struggled with being vulnerable like this, and you cherished every moment when she let her guard down further with you. And she knew you had an entire lifetime with another woman, who broke the known laws of the universe to get you back, and Bela was willing to let you go back to that woman if you wanted to. Bela clearly loved you. And you clearly loved her. How could she not see that? You went back to her and only her now 19 times in a row.

You tried to place yourself in her position, reversing your circumstances, mentally asking yourself if you would feel as she did, insecure and unsure about whether she would pick you again when she remembered everything about her life with her first love, someone who she promised she would always love and choose, someone who did everything they could to bring her back from the dead. And then you began to understand.

As you thought over how to respond, you knew honesty was the best policy. You reached over with both of your hands to grasp hers firmly and gently before you spoke, “I do love Miranda and care for her,” at that, she tried to pull her hands away, but you held on firmly and kept looking into her eyes, “But it’s not the same kind of love and care that it was, not even close. That was a different me in a different lifetime. This lifetime, this me, with all of my memories, all of them, loves you and wants only you, Bela. Every lifetime after I fell in love with you, I kept coming back to you, haven’t I?”

Bela still wasn’t looking at you. She had tears in her eyes and you knew she was valiantly trying to keep them in. Then she said, “But you didn’t— remember Miranda—”

You cut her off gently, your determination rising within you like a tidal wave, “But I remember her now and that life with her fully. I remember her resetting me multiple times. I remember her taking you and Sherry away from me. You’re the only one I love and want, no one else. In this life, before I remembered everything, my heart always reacted strangely in your presence. It would pulse and throb harder, stronger, and faster whenever you showed up, whenever you looked at me. At first, I thought it was because you were such a ridiculously beautiful goddess that my heart couldn’t handle it,” at that, you heard Bela’s breath hitch, “but now, I’m pretty sure my heart was trying to lead me back to you all along,” you pulled her hand gently towards you and pressed it against your own fast beating heart firmly. “Please believe me,” you pleaded her, desperation underlying the tone of your voice, “please believe that my heart is yours.”

Bela was looking at you now. And you wanted to kiss her so badly. You wanted to reassure her of your love. You would spend the rest of your life reassuring her. You leaned in slowly towards her, giving her time and space to let her back away if she wanted.

She moved towards you quickly, your lips touching gently and then the kiss gradually deepening. You felt like you were blissfully floating and you groaned quietly into the kiss. You didn’t realize how much you missed her, how much you missed kissing her. You began to feel the increasing hunger you had for her. It had been so long. You were becoming feverish and the only thing that could cure you was more of her kisses, more of her. You tried to get closer but she pulled away first, much to your displeasure, which you made known by chasing after her.

She giggled quietly, before kissing you chastely and pulling you into her lap, hugging you close, whispering softly with wonder, “I love you too.”

“I wasn’t done kissing you, you know,” you murmured softly into her neck. You hoped your honesty would allow you more kisses.

“Neither was I, but…” she trailed off, “I just want to hold you like this for now.” You recalled that she had remembered the whole time and had to bear it, while you had existed in an ignorance that was artificially created. You would be patient for her kisses. You were going to respect what she wanted. Always.

“Alright. Whatever you want,” you whispered into her neck before pressing a gentle kiss there. She shivered, before speaking again, her voice slightly rough, “We still need to talk about other things too. I still need to explain some things.”

You nodded. You knew she was referring to Miranda and the cult, and what she had experienced so far this time. And you needed to explain to her your first life with Miranda too. You needed to explain Eva.

“Whenever you’re ready, I know I need to explain some things to you too,” you said, wrapping your arms around her, enjoying being in her arms like this again.

“I think you should go first. I think mine will take a while longer.”

You tensed a little, then nodded and pushed through your growing anxiety to begin your explanation. You explained how you grew up in that first life. That reliving those memories made you feel like you were watching a movie of yourself, watching yourself play a role you would never want to play. The choices you made. How you felt about those choices. How you never wanted to do those things again. How much you loved and cared for Eva and Mia. That you would still bring back Eva if you could, but you would only do it as long as no one else got hurt.

Part of you feared that Bela would pull away or throw you off her when she learned who you were in that life, what you did. And you wouldn’t blame her for it. But she didn’t. She continued to hold you close, rubbing your back in an effort to comfort you and ease the anxiety that had grown within you.

“I know that’s not who you are. I know you would never hurt anyone on purpose. I know your heart. You care so much about others,” she said firmly, “And your past life doesn’t scare me. It’s not going to scare me away. Thank you for telling me about this.”

You buried your face into her shoulder, a few tears slipping out of your eyes. You felt immense relief washing over you in waves and you held onto her a little bit more tightly. You felt as if you were beyond blessed to have her understand and still accept you.

A few minutes later as you both held each other, she began to explain everything she knew about Miranda and the cult, the things she never told you about before out of not wanting you to worry. She talked about the journal of the Sustainers she found and how she used the knowledge and skills it gave her to hide herself and you from Miranda’s eyes. She mentioned Mia agreeing to help her in helping you remember at the end of your last life together, that she agreed to help free you if you chose someone that wasn’t Miranda, and that Miranda's love for you was what allowed her to weaken the protective wards in order to be able to find you.

You were quiet up to this point and then you spoke up, "I'm not sure if she really loves me. I think it's more that she's in love with who I was before. An idea at this point, a memory."

Bela nodded in agreement, her hand still rubbing circles into your back, "I thought she was only extremely and dangerously obsessed with you. So... that's why I failed in protecting you and Sherry."

You shifted and gently cupped her face in your hands, quietly saying, "Bela, palangga, you didn't know. Please don't blame yourself. And we're here now. You got me to remember everything. You're not doing this on your own anymore. I'm here with you."

Bela blinked away the tears she had and nodded again, before resuming her explanation, “I found out you were drugged by the cult because Mia messaged me to warn me and she also let me know where you were. Before I arrived at the bar, I made sure to hide my presence from Miranda and the cult. Then Zane, a janitor who works for my Uncle Moreau, showed up and led me to you. And because of the other rune I had with me, I was able to deceive Miranda and any cult members nearby and bring you to safety."

You smiled softly at that, at Bela making good on her promise to help you and protect you. And at the fact that Mia never stopped caring about you. A part of you worried if the reunion between you both would be awkward. And yet you hoped you would see her soon, you hoped you could pick up your friendship again from where you left off. Then the part about Zane tugged at your mind.

“Zane?… isn’t he a janitor for the university?” you wondered.

Bela paused at that, frowning, and then she just shrugged. “I wouldn’t put it past him to be able to do both jobs.”

You figured she meant that Zane was one of those older people that wanted to stay active and busy even during retirement. You hoped he looked after his health well enough. Then you remembered that no one should’ve been able to see Bela when she was using the runes. “Wait. How was Zane able to see you?” you asked in confusion.

“I’m not sure. I think… I think he has to be one of them. I think he has to be a Sustainer.”

You felt a little better at that, knowing that you and Bela had powerful allies helping you both in your mission to free yourselves and your loved ones from Miranda and her cult. Then you remembered that Zane was the one to direct you to Bela's study room in the first place. You wondered idly if Zane would show up again to help soon. You felt like you needed to thank him.

Bela quietly continued her explanation, "The other rune I had with me when I rescued you, that one specifically altered the reality perceptions and memories of Miranda and the cult members that were nearby. I'm sure her and the rest of the cult believed she brought you back home with her. And I'm pretty sure when she woke up, she noticed you weren't there. So she's definitely looking for you and the one who tampered with her mind and memories."

You frowned heavily at the idea of Miranda bringing you back to her home. You didn't want to think about how that would've gone for you. The idea of waking up next to her made you feel too anxious, too panicked, like a rabbit caught in a trap. You mentally reminded yourself that you were here, safe and free, with Bela. You were beyond relieved that she was able to rescue you in time. And the other part that bothered you was that Miranda was looking for you both. "Well, you said this room is the safest place we can be in, which means we're safe for now, right? So... what is your plan for handling Miranda?" you inquired gently. You were ready to help with it. Whatever needed to be done, you would do it.

"I'm getting to that, give me a moment to explain the other things first," Bela said good-naturedly.

"Ah. Sorry, sorry..." you said. You didn’t mean to sound like you were rushing her.

Then Bela explained that she had initially asked the journal about how to take down Miranda, how to kill her, and the answer it gave her, that an answer lies elsewhere, but she never found it. Then after Mia told her of your life with Miranda, she decided to change the questions she asked the journal because she wanted you to have the clarity of choice and she wanted to respect your choice, even if it was Miranda. She said to you that the journal gave her the ritual to help you remember all of your memories and the ritual to fully protect you, herself, her family, and Mia from Miranda and her cult. From there, she went into explaining what the protection ritual would do, that there was a price to pay for it, and how it would affect everyone involved.

You were in awe of her. She cared and loved you that much, to want you to remember everything, to give you back all of your choices. And she never gave up looking for a way to free herself, you, and her family from Miranda’s control. When the circumstances demanded her to adapt and change, she did. You didn’t know that you were capable of falling more in love with her until now. You didn’t know how you could even begin to give back to her what she gave you. But you were going to try, by showing your love for her every day, and by always choosing her because you truly wanted to.

Bela paused after finishing her explanation of the protection ritual’s aftereffects, her eyes apprehensive. Then she asked, “Are you alright with this? It’s permanent.”

Even after all the trouble she went through to prepare this ritual, she was still asking you if you were alright with it. You thought she was being a bit silly, to think that you would refuse this plan. But you understood why she asked, where she was coming from. You loved her so much it made your heart ache.

You gently grasped one of her hands and kissed her palm, saying, “I am. I’m actually grateful that you didn’t choose something that would kill her. I do believe this ritual is an effective way to free ourselves and our loved ones from her and the cult.” You were pissed at Miranda for everything she had done to you, Bela, and the others, but you didn't want her to die. It wasn't part of your belief system. You thought the protection ritual Bela had was effective enough to handle her. And the simplicity of the ritual's effects baffled you quite a bit, though you didn't say that out loud. You wondered if you would've eventually thought of a solution like that yourself given enough time.

However, you still had other questions and concerns.

“But this ritual… It requires a price to be paid?” you asked with uncertainty, focusing on the part that bothered you the most.

“Yes. The ritual said something about the principal of equal exchange. So whatever the request is, the price of asking is equal to it. No matter the price, I’ll pay it.”

That didn’t sit well with you. “I’m not letting you do that alone.”

Bela shook her head, frowning, “I can’t ask you to pay the price with me.”

“Well you don’t have to, because I’m going to do it anyway. I’m not letting you do this alone,” you repeated firmly. Bela was stubborn, but there were times where you were more stubborn than her. You remembered.

She sighed in frustration and was about to say something when her phone buzzed and kept going. You eased off of her to the side, letting her get up and grab her phone.

She looked at you for a moment, a look that told you ‘we’re not done talking about this yet’ and then she answered her phone, frowning.

“Hello?”

Hushed murmuring came from her phone. She frowned further, then said, “I see. I’ll be right up.” Then she hung up.

“What happened?” you asked. You felt a form of trepidation within your chest. You hoped it wasn't bad news.

“An ‘Eveline Baker’ is here to see me,” she said with caution in her voice.

You've heard that name before. You were trying to recall when. “Who’s that?”

“You’ll see. Just wait here.” With that, she left. And you laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling, wondering who this 'Eveline Baker' was to you, why it sounded familiar.

A few moments later, she entered the room again with Mia in tow. They sounded as if they were arguing about something. Distantly in the back of your mind, you realized that Mia used a name of a girl that you both didn’t like when you were younger, in that life. The real Eveline Baker was a bully, obnoxious, mean and demanded everyone’s attention to be on her at all times. You chuckled to yourself inwardly, it was coming back to you now. Mia used that name often in order to not get in trouble if she somehow got caught when she was up to her usual activities, like stealing or breaking into a restricted area. And then Eveline would get in trouble instead. You kind of felt bad for Eveline now. Kind of.

“—if you already knew a few days in advance, you could’ve told me earlier. I could’ve made sure they were never drugged in the first place,” you heard Bela say heatedly.

“And I’m telling I couldn’t do that because I was one of the few who were aware of this plan. I couldn’t have them suspecting a traitor, especially in their upper ranks. Traitors either don’t make it out as themselves or they just don’t come out alive. The plan had to go through, Miranda had to be called to get them. And everyone knows you don’t really go to the bar, Bela. They would’ve all thought you were just there for them, which would’ve been reported to Miranda. And even though I don't exactly know how your magic works, I figured it would be better once all the other cult members were already there for you to do your thing since you've been able to avoid their eyes for this long. I’m trying to protect your ass and mine too,” Mia said sharply.

Bela sighed heavily and ran her hand through her hair, “I see. I’m sorry.”

Mia just nodded and then looked at you.

Without hesitation, she asked, “How are you feeling? With the drugging and the ritual of remembering?”

You got up and stood next to Bela, who was looking at you. You spoke to Mia, “I’m feeling much better now, from both things.”

Mia nodded and said, “That’s good,” then she said, “So… you remember everything. Do you remember me?” she asked quietly.

You looked at Mia and now with all of your newfound understanding, you sensed that she missed you terribly.

“I remember you. I remember our friendship,” then you laughed quietly to yourself, “I remember you always protecting me from being bullied when we were little. You didn’t care how big they were. And I remember always helping you and covering for you when you got in trouble. Like when we were eight years old, and you stole those cookies from the bakery and I told the cashier you ran off in the opposite direction.”

Mia’s eyes lightened with fondness as she recalled the memory with you, “Then you came to my hiding place and I shared my cookies with you after.”

“You did, and I appreciated that very much.” That memory held a fondness for you too, you cherished it very much. Mia’s friendship was steadfast and offered you warmth in that cold, unforgiving time.

Then her eyes became serious again and she asked, “What about Miranda? Do you want to go back to her?”

You remembered that Bela told you that Mia agreed to help you both if you chose her or someone that wasn’t Miranda once you had all of your memories back.

You shook your head and said to her with absolute conviction and honesty, “I remember my life with Miranda, I remember loving her. But now,” you reached out for Bela’s hand, your fingers interlocking together, “Everything is different now. I’m different now, even though I remember. And I love Bela. I’m always going to choose Bela.”

Mia looked at you as if she was trying to figure something out. Then she let out a heavy sigh and said, “I know. I figured that out since you went back to Bela 10 times in a row after the first time. And then you kept going back to her still. We’re in the 19th run of you choosing Bela now. But man, does this make things ten times harder.”

You were about to ask her what she meant when she turned to Bela, “So… are you sure you don’t want to use a ritual that could just kill her? I know of a few we could use.”

You grimaced at the idea of killing Miranda. You were aware she had basically committed several atrocities, but you didn’t want her to die, you still cared about her on some level. The idea of killing her made you uncomfortable. It wasn’t in your beliefs to kill someone. If there was another effective non-lethal option, you would take it. So you were immensely thankful that Bela didn’t opt for killing her in the end. And you didn’t want Bela to dirty her hands like that either.

Bela replied staunchly, “We’re not going to kill her. We don’t need to, with the ritual I was given. I have everything we need for the protection ritual, except the thing I asked you to get. Do you have it with you?”

Mia’s face scrunched into a frown and she said with annoyance in her voice, “I haven’t been able to get a feather from Miranda. I’m not sure if she even molts, but if she does, she definitely cleans up after herself, because I haven’t been able to grab a hold of a single feather at any of the recent meetings.”

A feather… from Miranda?…

You looked up at Bela and asked in disbelief, “We need a feather from Miranda?…”

Bela’s mouth was set into a grim line as she answered, “Yeah, that’s what the protection ritual called for.”

Mia spoke up again, but you couldn’t hear her over the rushing of your own thoughts in your head. The ritual called for one of Miranda’s feathers. Miranda clearly didn’t leave any feathers lying around, which meant the only way to get a feather was when she had her wings out and one had to be close enough to grab one at the very least. But in order to make her show her wings, in order to be close enough to grab one…

You tuned back into the present, hearing Bela and Mia verbally volleying ideas about how to get a feather back and forth.

“I can create a teleportation rune that is anchored to this room, so at the very least, you have the means to escape the Cult Headquarters without having to run or fight anyone else,” Bela was saying to Mia.

“Oh good, that makes things way somewhat easier. And I’ve thought of grabbing a feather when she had them out and her back was turned, but in general, she dislikes anyone getting too close to her. She always keeps a safe distance between herself and the rest of us,” Mia responded back.

“Maybe we just need to figure out when and where she molts?” Bela asked, clearly getting irritated at the lack of a plan.

“I don’t think we have enough time for that. They,” Mia pointed to you with her unopened switchblade, “have been missing for two days and Miranda has been extremely pissy and worried sick about them. She has been trying to locate them with the Oracle and they haven’t been able to track their location. Miranda doesn’t suspect you that you’re behind it yet, but she is aware there is someone or something out there powerful enough to tamper with her memories. We need to figure out the fastest way possible to get a feather before she figures out it’s you,” she flicked her switchblade open and closed, then continued, “There is a meeting tonight, so I’m thinking I’ll just rush towards her and grab a feather that way, playing it off as me trying to annoy her, and I’ll either hide it and wait until the meeting is over to teleport here, or I teleport right after. But Miranda will probably be able to locate me right after, so in that scenario, your ritual has to be completed as quickly as possible.”

“But Miranda moves quickly in that form,” Bela said, undoubtedly remembering the encounter you both had with Miranda in the last life, “She could easily dodge you if you tried to run straight at her to grab a feather. She needs to be distracted enough to stay in one place. And her being able to locate you right after… the wards should be able to hold her off long enough, but we might need more time.”

“I have a plan,” you announced to the both of them and they turned to you, waiting for you to continue, “I’ll go back with Mia to the university, create a cover story of what happened to me, and go to Miranda to demand answers about my life with her and Eva. I’ll act like the version she remembers, the version she wants me to be. That should get me into the meeting and I can keep her distracted enough to grab a feather and then teleport straight back here.”

“No,” Bela retorted vehemently, worry thick in her voice, “that’s too dangerous. What if she does something to you?”

‘And I lose you again?’ was unspoken, but you heard it all the same. You rushed to comfort and persuade her.

“Bela, I don’t think there’s any other option left. Mia can’t get close enough without Miranda backing away for the sense of her own space. I’m the only one who Miranda will allow to be close enough to her to grab a feather without her questioning it too much," you hoped that was the case, you were relying on her obsessive love for you, "And besides, I’ll teleport as soon as I have the feather,” you said to her gently, “It’ll work out and we’ll succeed. We’re finishing this together,” you stated, kissing the back of her hand that was holding your own.

Bela chewed her bottom lip nervously, then she said, “Hold on. I think having a story is a good idea and you might be able to fool Miranda, but not the rest of the cult. Let me check the journal.” She went to pull out an elegant black journal with gold corners from the cabinet, and placed her hand on it for a few seconds. You figured that this had to be the journal of the Sustainers she had mentioned to you earlier. And so you waited.

Then Bela said to you, “I’ll make another rune to help you truly persuade the rest of the cult of your story. It'll be a modified version of the rune I used to make Miranda believe she brought you home," she looked to Mia as she said that and Mia nodded to her in confirmation.

Mia spoke up then, looking at you, “Miranda has the majority of the cult out searching all over trying to find you since the Oracle hasn’t been able to locate you. Most of the cult members are out there looking for you right now in nearby areas. As far as she knows, I’m currently searching for you in an area farther out. If you don’t show up soon, she’ll continue to expand the search area,” then she frowned, “And I can’t tell you which areas the other members have already searched because I don't have that information, but I’m sure some of the more fanatic followers have already went to search the more distant areas too.”

You frowned, looking at your hands. It was disturbing to you, the amount of power and resources Miranda had at her disposal, how so much of it was directed towards finding you.

Then Mia clarified, “Miranda believed she picked you up and brought you to her home. Then you weren’t there the next morning. And you haven’t been located by the Oracle, Miranda’s surefire way of finding people and other things. So it will be difficult to get her, the Oracle, and the rest of the cult to believe what you say. They will tell Miranda their doubts. And if there’s someone who can prove your story wrong, they will also definitely tell Miranda about it.”

You felt cold dread curl in the pit of your stomach. Miranda was putting so much effort into finding you and bringing you back. And even if you came up with the tightest backstory, someone from the cult might still be able to poke holes in it. You didn't fully know or understand how far the cult’s reach was. If it was as far-reaching as Mia made it sound, any story you had could be proven false by any of the cult members. And the Oracle would be extremely suspicious of your return regardless of your story, which would make the rest of the cult members suspicious as well. You had to bring that rune with you too.

”So the rune will help in persuading the rest of the cult that my story is true?” you asked. You wondered how that was going to work.

Bela nodded, “Miranda will be the anchor point for the rune, and so if she accepts your story as true, the rune will make sure the rest of cult will accept it as well once she tells them your story. The only caveat is that she has to accept your story first, she has to believe it of her own volition. So whatever story you make, it has to be plausible enough for her to believe it on her own.”

Then a question entered your mind and you asked it out loud to Bela, “Can’t you make a rune that simply persuades Miranda of my story too? That would be easier, wouldn’t it?”

“It would,” Bela agreed. “But the magic of the Sustainers has its own rules. I was given the knowledge to be able to distort reality perceptions of others, I can keep them from seeing things or I can make them see what it is they truly want to see, and it’s easier to do that for a group when they are all expecting the same outcome, as long as they’re near a rune. I can specify who or what to affect. But that’s not what we need in this situation. It’s too messy, to give everyone a different set of memories because they’ll probably talk to each other about them. What we need is to make sure the other cult members don’t blow your cover story and you ending up in a trap set by them. The modified version of this rune needs an anchor point, a person from which the effect stems. So once someone asks Miranda about your story, about what happened to you, and she tells it to them, they’ll believe her. But the anchor point has to believe the story themselves first, otherwise it won’t work. And you'll know it worked when the rune starts to hum, but we'll be the only ones who can hear it.”

Mia added, “Considering how Miranda trusts me, as long as I’m there with you to back your story, she should accept it. We just have to make sure the story is plausible enough.”

Your mind was already beginning to come up with a couple of stories you could use and also discarding the ones you felt wouldn’t work well. “Alright, I’m sure I’ll have the story by the time we get there.”

Bela frowned and said nothing as she looked to the floor. After a few moments, she spoke tiredly, “Alright. I also need to make teleportation runes for the both of you—”

Mia cut her off, “No, I don’t need one. I’ve spent enough time with Miranda to know how she’ll operate afterward. I’ll distract her for as long as I can so that you guys have enough time to complete the ritual.”

You looked at Mia with worry, “Are you sure? You can just come back with me.”

Mia looked back at you and grinned, confident and relaxed, “Nah. I know for sure I have to distract Miranda as long as possible. I’m sure she’ll know where you went right after. And like blondie here said,” she pointed to Bela with her blade flicked out this time, “the ritual might need more time than Miranda is willing to give.”

You couldn’t argue with that. She was right. You sighed heavily and said, “Alright, if you’re sure.”

And so the three of you got to work, you brainstorming your possible story with Mia, and Bela creating the runes you needed.

Once Bela prepared the runes and fully instructed you on how to use them, she grasped your hand and squeezed tightly as if she didn’t want to let go, which communicated to you just how much she hated this plan. Then she told you directly, “I hate this plan.”

You squeezed her hand back, then kissed her knuckles. You weren’t a fan of your own plan either, but you weren’t going to say that out loud and have Bela try to talk you out of it. The clock was ticking, there was no time to come up with another, and you were already decided on this plan. But you needed to reassure her first. “I know. I’m sorry. But I still think it’s the best plan we got. I’ll get in, get a feather, and teleport out. Simple.”

“And if need be, I’ll distract Miranda and buy them the time they need to escape,” Mia chimed in, “I agree with them, I think this is actually the best plan we can do.”

Then Bela looked into your eyes, her expression desperate and pleading, as she said, “Please be careful and please come back to me.”

You nodded, standing on the tips of your toes to kiss her softly. “I will. I promise.” You were going to get the goddamn feather. You were going to keep your promise.

She looked at Mia and asked firmly, “Please watch over them and be careful too.”

Mia seemed to be surprised, before her expression returned to her usual smirk, “Of course, I will.”

With the teleportation rune that Bela gave you sitting snugly in your pants’ pocket as well as the other rune to simply help ‘persuade' the rest of her cult of your story, you went back with Mia in her car to the university.

“Have you figured out what you’re going to tell Miranda once we get back there?” she asked you as she continued to drive.

“Somewhat. I think I might have to figure it out as we go along. It might just come to me during the right moment,” you said honestly. You and Mia had brainstormed for a bit, but you were concerned the stories were either too complicated or too simple. The story had to make just enough sense to Miranda for her to accept it, thus allowing the rune to work its magic, and you refused to half-ass this.

“Huh, it’s interesting to know that part of you stayed the same,” Mia said quietly, “You’ve always worked intuitively.”

You looked at Mia and told her sincerely, “Even though it feels like lifetimes ago and even though I am a different person and I want different things now… I still consider you my best friend, Mia.”

That was a truth you were certain of. It was a completely different life, but you knew in your bones that Mia was your best friend, through and through, and you were hers.

“Shut the fuck up and keep your sappiness to yourself,” she retorted.

You just smiled to yourself as you looked out the window. You knew she appreciated your words but would never admit it to your face.

“…but…thanks.”

Or maybe she was learning to. “No problem.”

You kept thinking of what your story should be and then suddenly, an idea that felt just right came to you. Then you explained to Mia your idea and what she needed to say.

”That's what you want to go with? I really hope it works,” Mia muttered to you.

”It should. It feels right,” you replied to her.

Mia hummed, then said, “Alright, if we’re going with that, then this is what I’m going to tell her after because she will question me.” She explained her ideas to you. And you nodded in agreement.

“That sounds good. I just need to persuade her first, right?”

“Mhm. You’re up first.”

When you stepped out of the car with Mia and walked across the campus grounds, you could feel many eyes on you. You felt like they were trying to probe your presence with their eyes alone, to see if there was anything off about you. Mia stuck close to your side, which you figured deterred the other cult members from approaching, as you both walked all the way to Miranda’s office. You made sure to turn on the persuasion rune with your intentions and you could sense that it was on. Just like turning on a light switch.

You knocked on Miranda’s office door firmly. You heard her tersely say, “Come in.” And you opened the door, Mia going first and you following after.

When you finally looked at Miranda, it surprised you to see how tired and haggard she looked. She looked as if she had been staying up for the last few nights. Then you remembered what Mia had said, that Miranda had been worried sick since you disappeared for the last two days.

“Mia, where did you find them? They have been missing for the last two days,” Miranda asked quietly, as she looked at you. You could see anger, pain, as well as muted relief, in her eyes.

“I found them in a forest to the south that's really far from the university and Crest Fall, and they weren’t really in their right mind. Their clothes were pretty torn up and dirty, as if they had been running out in the wilderness for a while. I had to keep chasing after them because they kept running away, muttering and yelling for you and… Eva,” Mia said, lying smoothly through her teeth, “When they started to come to and I finally got them back to reality, they demanded to see you.”

You saw how Miranda’s eyes widened a fraction. You hoped she was buying it so far, that the story was plausible enough for her to accept it.

You channeled all of your acting experience and your feelings, and pleaded desperately, “I don’t know how I ended up in the forest, but I kept having these visions of you… and this little girl named Eva. I kept running after her, trying to bring her back home,” you said with genuine tears in your eyes, “but every time, I reached out for her, she always slipped away somehow. And she called you her mother. I… I need to know what this means, Mira— I mean, Headmistress Miranda,” you fumbled on purpose, “Who is Eva? Why does she feel so important to me? Why do I feel this need to bring her back? Why do I keep seeing you?” You felt some tears slide slowly down your face.

Miranda abruptly stood up and rounded the table, stopping in front of you. She opened her mouth to say something, but then seemed to remember Mia was still there. She glanced quickly at Mia and said, “Leave us.”

Mia nodded and left the office, closing the door behind her. Miranda pulled out a teal handkerchief and softly, gently rubbed your tears away. Her face was so close to yours. You remembered when this used to be comforting to you in another lifetime. Now, it just made you feel uneasy.

“I can answer your questions, but it will have to be done later tonight, so please be patient with me,” Miranda said quietly, almost fondly, “For now, return to your dorm, I’m sure your roommates are still worried about you. And then, later tonight, around 10 pm, meet me back here. Alright?”

You nodded, leaning slightly into her touch on purpose, “Okay.” You could tell she was holding back from either holding you or kissing you or both. You backed up slowly and went for the door, “I’ll see you then.” With that, you left the office and continued down the corridor to head back to your dorm. With quiet relief, you felt the rune humming in your pocket. As you went into the stairwell, Mia was standing there, waiting for you. She motioned to you to follow her to the bathroom. You and her checked all the stalls to make sure they were all empty. Then she spoke.

“How did it go?” she whispered.

“She told me to meet her at her office around 10 pm tonight. She said she can answer my questions then,” you whispered back to her.

“She’s definitely bringing you to tonight’s meeting then, at least we got over that hurdle,” Mia ran her fingers through her hair. “Okay, I have to head back to her office to report on you. Definitely go back to your dorm, ease the fears of your roommates, and get some rest. We need to be ready for whatever happens next. And hand me the rune. She’s going to question me now and I'll make sure the rest of the story goes through,” she muttered.

And so you did, saying, "Alright, it's already humming a bit. Be careful."

"Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

You quickly pulled her into a hug, you couldn't help but worry about her. She returned it after a moment, hugging you tightly.

"Alright, alright, I'll be careful," she said quietly as you guys stepped back from each other.

You both left the bathroom at different times, you going first and Mia waiting for a bit before leaving after you.

“Mia, did you find any traces of foreign magic on them when you found them? How could they have ran all the way to the southern forests without the Oracle or anyone else seeing them?” Miranda huffed in frustration, “I should’ve been able to see them.”

“No, Mother Miranda. I didn’t find any at all. They might’ve had a really strong adverse reaction to the drugs they were given—"

"Who drugged them?" Miranda asked lowly.

"Oh, you didn't know? Some of the others thought drugging them would be a great idea to push you two together."

Miranda was silent for a moment before she said, "It would've worked in my favor had I actually picked them up. Continue your report."

Mia flicked her switch blade open as she said, "With the drugs fueling them, they must've ran out of the bar and chased the hallucinations of you and Eva as far as the forest I found them in.” Then Mia forced herself to be as relaxed as possible as she added, “But it’s possible that the entity that tampered with your memories and ours was also interfering with their perceptions of reality as well as the Oracle’s sight too. Whatever it is seems to be targeting you, Mother Miranda. Perhaps your current activities and experiments have gained some… unwanted attention. Whatever it is must’ve realized the importance of them to you and acted accordingly. Perhaps this entity could’ve been using their memories of you and Eva in order to lure them in, and thus you, into a trap.”

She watched as Miranda stiffened at her words, as she was petting Cornelius, who cawed softly in confusion. Mia knew what Miranda was thinking of, that Miranda knew what she was referring to. She had worked for Miranda for a while and understood that she had allied herself with very powerful beings. But there were other powerful beings who she tried to ally herself with in the past and instead made enemies. Miranda took care of most of them. But not all of them. Mia didn’t know for sure where the others went, only that they went into hiding to build their power again. And she knew Miranda feared their return on some level, with how she frequently checked to see if there were any traces of their magical signatures on the university grounds.

Miranda spoke again, her words angry and tinged with fear, “I’ll have to tighten security around the university and keep a closer eye on them. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mia. You’re dismissed.”

“Of course, Mother Miranda.” Mia left Miranda’s office quickly. She felt the rune humming in her pocket and felt relieved knowing Miranda had accepted the story you and her gave. The first part was done. Now it was up to you to get the feather. Mia didn’t show it to you or Bela, but she was concerned about how you were going to get away and teleport back. She would have to position herself close enough to help you.

When you were unlocking your dorm room, you heard frantic footsteps on the other side. The door opened, but not because you pushed it open. Daniela was looking at you with her tears in her eyes. She mumbled your name, and then said, “Is it really you?”

You felt tears well up in your own eyes. You had missed Daniela. “Yeah, it’s me, Daniela, I’m sor—”

Daniela picked you up and hugged you hard, cutting you off and saying “Don’t! Don’t apologize for disappearing! It’s not your fault! Me and Angie, we weren’t being good friends, we didn’t check up on you and when we went to look for you, you were gone! And we thought the worst happened and we told the campus police to look for you, but no one could find you and now you’re back and I’m really sorry for not watching out for you!” Daniela was crying hard now as she held you tight. You hugged her back just as hard.

“I’m back, I’m safe, and I don’t blame you or Angie for anything, Daniela,” you said, patting her back.

She put you down and said, “I have to call Angie and let her know you’re back. In her free time, she’s been driving around, looking for you, and asking her friends if they have seen you around.”

A few minutes later, Angie burst through the door and straight into your waiting arms.

“Hey Angie,” you said through your tears. You missed her too.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled into your shoulder, “I’m sorry we didn’t watch out for you too.”

Daniela hugged you both and the three of you just stood there holding each other, them relieved that you were alive and back with them, and you, happy to be with your friends again. Eventually, the three of you let go and they made you sit on the couch to tell them how you got back to the dorms.

You decided, in the end, to combine parts of the truth with the story you gave Miranda while leaving out some details.

“I’m not sure what happened to me. I think someone might’ve drugged me by putting something in my water,” at this, Daniela and Angie frowned with anger in their eyes, “and then I apparently spent two nights out in the forest chasing after a little girl and trying to get her to come back home, according to Mia, the student that found me.”

There was a tense silence, before Angie spoke up, “Do you remember anyone and anything strange before you got drugged?”

You shook your head no, even though you did remember. Telling them the truth wouldn’t do anything but make them worry and tip off the cult if they told others about it.

“Alright, the next time we go out,” Angie said, “We’re sticking together and watching over each other’s drinks. Or…” Angie looked thoughtful, “we can also just not drink when we hang out, if you’re uncomfortable being in that kind of environment again.”

You loved your friends with all of your heart. You considered them your best friends too. “I appreciate it. Angie. We can still go to the bar and hang out there sometimes, but yeah, we should keep a closer watch over each other and each other’s drinks.”

Angie nodded seriously. Daniela chimed in, “We’ll keep each other safe from now on.”

You smiled at the both of them, feeling a warmth in your chest, and said, “Thanks, you guys.”

The three of you spent the afternoon talking and them catching you up on what had been happening on campus.

“—then Cassandra asked her out!” Daniela exclaimed.

“And what did the woman do?” you asked, thoroughly invested.

Daniela’s eyes crinkled as she laughed, saying, “She poured ice coffee on Cassandra’s head.”

It was around 9 pm that you decided you would get ready to meet Miranda at her office. You told your roommates that you were going to head to the library to get a start on your piling assignments.

“I’m pretty sure they’ll give you an extension considering your circumstances,” Daniela said, trying to convince you to not go on her own since Angie was currently sleeping her own emotional exhaustion off. “And if it’s that important to you, I’ll go with you.”

“Daniela, no,” you said firmly. “Nothing’s going to happen to me on the way to the library, I’ll be there and then I’ll be back when it closes.”

“But—”

“I’m not gonna let someone drugging me make me fear for the rest of my life, Daniela,” you cut her off firmly, “I can handle this.”

She looked at you, frowning and then she gave in, “Alright. If anything happens, just call or text me.”

You smiled softly at her. She was always protective of you, even just as your friend. “I will, I’ll see you and Angie later.” And you hoped that when you did, it would be under much better circumstances.

The walk to the library was quiet as there were barely any students around and you kept patting your pocket to make sure both runes that Bela gave you, the teleportation and the convincing runes, were both still there. You went straight to the private study room you’ve been sharing with Bela and sat down in a chair. This was one of the safest places on campus, courtesy of Bela’s efforts, and you needed to center yourself before heading towards Miranda.

You breathed in.

You needed to get a feather from Miranda.

You breathed out.

You had to be close enough to grab it.

You breathed in.

You had to teleport away as soon as you had it.

You breathed out.

Mia would buy you some time.

You breathed in.

You and Bela had to complete the ritual. She was going to pay the price. You wouldn’t let her do it alone.

You breathed out. You looked at your phone. It was time to meet Miranda.

When you met with Miranda, she looked at you in a way you could finally recognize. It was a look of longing, of love, of hope. You felt the dread in your stomach crawl into your throat. You didn’t want to be with her in the way she wanted, but you did not like having to get her hopes up.

The walk to the Cult’s Headquarters was quiet, which you were grateful for. You didn’t know if your words were going to come out well. And Miranda seemed as if she was struggling with what to say too.

Miranda opened the doors to the basement and motioned you to go first.

When you stepped inside, you saw candles lit all around the room, as well as on a table in the middle of the room, along with several hooded figures. Then, you heard the familiar rustle of feathers behind you. So far, so good.

“W-what’s going on?” you said, still playing your part.

“Don’t turn around yet, just let me explain,” Miranda whispered gently into your ear. You fought the urge to jump away. She was standing right behind you and she eased her arms around your waist. You did your best to lean back and relax into her touch. You saw a flicker of movement in the corner of your eye. There were others here, behind you and Miranda. You hoped Mia was already there, among them.

“The visions you’re seeing… they are of another time, another life of yours, a life where we were together and we had a little girl named Eva.”

“I remember,” you said truthfully, “But… we ended up… she…” you trailed off.

“We lost her, yes,” Miranda said, picking up where you left off, “and we swore that we would do everything we could to bring her back to us.”

“I remember this,” you said firmly, “And you looked for a way to achieve immortality, so that the both of us could always be together forever… and I told you that no matter what you had to do or become, I would always… I would always love you forever,” you finished, breathless.

Miranda’s arms tightened around your waist. “Yes,” she crooned, “I created… a group. I called it the Cult of Eva,” you remembered Bela mentioning it, that the entire school was just a front for the cult itself, a cult to resurrect the child you and Miranda lost so long ago. Your heart ached for Eva, and it ached in a different way for Miranda too, “It’s all to bring her back, and to keep us immortal and powerful forever too.”

You were shaking, and you hoped she thought it was from excitement and not your fear.

“Will you join me again, my love?”

You swallowed thickly and lied as you whispered, “Yes.”

Miranda turned you around quickly it made your head spin and kissed you hard. You kissed just as hard, to distract her, to apologize to her, as you reached up her back and quickly tugged a few feathers from her left wing. She groaned into the kiss as you did so, and you roughly pushed yourself away from her, no longer wanting to continue, not when you had what you needed, and not when you loved Bela with all of your heart and soul.

“Little crow?… what are you doing?” Miranda asked softly, gently, lovingly, reaching out towards you, her golden eyes shining.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you kept backing away from her, and then you heard the shuffling around you, intending to keep you from going further. It was time to go.

“I’m sorry. I can’t,” you choked out quietly. In the candlelight, you saw that her face become blank before it contorted in blatant heartbreak and shock, and she lunged at you, opening her mouth to scream.

Then a hooded figure slammed into her. And Miranda screeched instead, her wrath obvious and overwhelming.

“GO! NOW!” Mia yelled at you as she tried to keep Miranda from reaching you by holding her down.

You focused all of your attention on the teleportation rune in your pocket and screamed frantically in your mind, “BRING ME BACK TO THE WARDED ROOM! BRING ME BACK TO BELA! PLEASE!”

Just as hands began to grasp at your shirt and with Miranda screaming your name in a pained rage, you were caught in a whirlwind of dark blue mist and you felt yourself hurtling through space and time, the sounds of her screams and chaos fading away from you.

Miranda stared at where you were a moment ago before turning her eyes onto Mia, who had slumped over after Miranda had thrown her as hard as she could into the far wall, making a deep crater. Her followers remained silent as she walked towards Mia, who was still alive but bleeding and grinning up at her as if she had not just aided you in your escape, as if she had not just made a terrible mistake.

Miranda stood in front of Mia, towering over her, feeling the hoarseness of her throat from screaming, and asked as calmly as she could with blind rage running through veins, “Why did you help them escape, Mia?”

Mia spat blood out near her shoes and Miranda curled her lip in disgust. Mia then replied in a raspy voice, “They remembered everything, Miranda. They made their choice—" she breathed in sharply, "And it wasn’t you.”

Miranda stood there, Mia’s words reverberating in her mind and skull, and blinked. Once. Twice. No. That couldn’t be right. If you remembered everything, you would’ve came straight back to her. You had told her that. You had promised. It wasn’t possible that you wouldn’t choose her in the end. You were her soulmate. Hers. Hers and hers alone. No one else was your soulmate except her. This wasn’t possible. Something must’ve happened to you the night she thought she brought you home. The thing that tampered with her memories must’ve also done something to yours. Then Miranda remembered that Mia said, implied that you had chosen someone else. The very idea made fire flood her veins and ignite her bones.

And there was no one else you had chosen over and over for the last fucking 19 loops. No one except Bela Dimitrescu.

You wouldn’t have chosen anyone else if you fully remembered your life with her and Eva, if you fully remembered your true self, Miranda was sure of it. So something must’ve been done to you. She had to reach you, make things right. She would have to start over again, reset everything, but she would be more thorough and deliberate this time. No more mistakes. She couldn’t afford them. Not anymore.

She began her spell, one to find where you had teleported to, and to her overflowing fury and dread, she sensed you were somewhere within the Dimitrescu’s family mansion. She made to teleport through but found that a barrier of some kind was in her way.

Her eyes narrowed to slits. She mentally screamed at herself, she had grown too complacent, blind, and didn’t realize that little Bela had learned some things of her own. The idea that Bela was the one responsible for tampering with her mind and memories made her head burn with delirious rage. And then everything in her body felt like it was burning. She would deal with Mia later. She focused singularly on hammering through the barrier, using all of her will to break through.

She was going to get you back, keep you and chain you to her side if need be until you remembered properly, until you remembered who you truly were, until you remembered that you were hers. And Alcina was going to have to make do with two daughters instead of three.

You clumsily landed on your hands and knees in the warded room. Bela’s arms were around you immediately, hugging you before she pulled away, and she asked worriedly, “Are you alright? Do you have the feather?”

“I’m not really okay, but we have to focus on the ritual,” you said quickly and truthfully. You had tears in your eyes as you handed her the feathers you got. “We need to finish this now. Mia’s doing her best to distract her.”

Bela cupped your face with her hand and was looking straight at your kiss-bruised lips. You looked up at her and tried to tell her, “I’m sorr—”

She cut you off, her expression angry and concerned at the same time, “It’s not your fault, sweetheart. We’re finishing this,” she kissed your forehead and kept her arm around your waist, you placing your hand on hers, as she placed the Miranda’s feathers with the Cult Invitation Letter in front of the flowers with pictures attached to each one, where each one stood for a member of her family, for Mia, for her, and for you.

She quickly pulled out a piece of paper, and clarified, “We have to say these words. We’ll do it in unison, okay?”

“Okay,” you replied quietly, shaking from the fear and adrenaline pumping through your veins.

Then the room started to shake and you felt the temperature in the air continuing to drop with each passing second. You knew it in your bones it was Miranda trying to hammer through the wards. You hoped desperately that Mia was okay.

You and Bela immediately began to read the words for the ritual out loud together in unison, with determination in your voices.

“In the name of the Sustainers, we sincerely request:

Mother Miranda, the Cult of Eva,

Forget me. Forget all of us.

Never again shall you find us.

Never again shall our paths intertwine.

Never again shall you seek us out.

This, we ask, now and forever.

In the name of the Sustainers.“

You heard the walls crack and you felt Bela wrap both of her arms around you from behind, hugging you tighter. You knew she was trying to protect you. You clung onto her arms as you watched as the flowers and photos began to glow with a golden shimmering light, and the feathers and the letter erupted into a bright blue fire that exploded outwards in all directions, seeming to burn away that cold that Miranda had brought into the room. The ground crumbled away and then you and Bela were falling into a void. You turned in her hold, immediately clinging to her tightly and her to you, and you helplessly watched in fear and uncertainty as another vortex filled with what seemed to be stars opened and both of you fell through.

You expected to slam straight into the ground, but instead you hovered right above it, before being lowered down gently. You scrambled in getting up and immediately went to help Bela stand. Then you looked around. You didn't know where you were. And yet you didn't feel afraid, only a sense of calm, as if something was telling you that you were safe here. The 'sky' and the ground were both dark oceans containing multitudes of stars.

This... this has to be a completely different plane of existence.

Chapter Text

Semper Fidelis
(Always Faithful)

As you stared up into the 'sky', you watched and heard an entire dark ocean that seemed to contain stars, constantly rolling, moving, fluctuating. You watched clusters of stars swimming through the ocean above you both, some clusters breaking apart and some combining together as they moved. You looked at the ground more closely and past your feet, you saw similar lights that seemed to rock back and forth in place, the depths below you seeming to go on forever. As you took a step forward, the ground rippled beneath you, like stepping onto water. And yet your shoes weren’t wet.

You looked at Bela, who was also gaining her bearings after falling through the vortex and looking around like you.

“What is this place? Where are we?” you asked Bela in astonishment.

“I don’t— I don’t know. Nothing in journal mentioned anything about this,” she replied in awe.

Then a burst of water and stars exploded from the ground a few feet away from you both, and dissipated quickly, leaving an intimidating, hooded, masked figure in its wake. The figure floated a few inches above the ground, seeming to gently hover in place. You wondered if he was some kind of god. The mask he wore was a dark emerald green with openings only for the eyes, but the openings only beamed out a golden, swirling light. He wore a black suit with a golden pattern, black gloves with matching black shoes, and a dark green tie. He was also wearing a golden necklace with symbols you didn’t recognize.

But Bela apparently did, “You’re a Sustainer?” she asked cautiously. You could sense her tension as it was your own. The Sustainer was going to make her pay the price. You weren't going to let her do it alone.

The figure nodded and then spoke, his voice reminding you of a hardened detective or cop who saw more than his fair share of tragedies, “I brought you here so that we wouldn’t be interrupted by any unwanted guests,” you had a pretty strong feeling about who he was referring to. Then he said, "I have heard your request and I shall grant it for free.”

You blinked up in shock, you were ready to pay the price with Bela, whether she liked it or not.

Bela sounded wary, when she asked, “Why? Why grant it for free? I thought there was a principle of equal exchange.”

The Sustainer nodded and said, “There is a principle of equal exchange. The one who makes the request must pay what is equal to the request asked. But in this case, even though you were the ones to conduct this ritual and request for protection, it was me and my colleagues who had technically requested that you complete this ritual in the first place.”

Just as you were going to ask what he meant by that, the Sustainer lifted a hand to stop you, “Let me explain fully what I mean. This Mother Miranda in your universe, she has wreaked havoc on space and time itself. Every time she resets to start again, she disturbs the natural patterns of convergence and divergence in the lives of people around her." He seemed to be annoyed at that, though you couldn't really tell.

“I’ll give you a simple example, say a person has to choose between an apple or an orange. When the person chooses the apple, a corresponding timeline where they choose the orange instead creates itself alongside the 'apple' timeline. Thus, making two versions of the same person within space and time. The 'apple' timeline is considered the first or main timeline, because that was the person’s initial choice. But if both versions make the same choice in their respective timelines, their timelines can converge back into one. But another timeline, where they made a different choice, also creates itself. And so with the many choices a human makes, several timelines diverge and converge over and over into infinity. This is a natural process of the universe," he said looking up to the rolling sky.

Neither you or Bela said anything. You were a little overwhelmed and trying to imagine the process in your mind's eye. And were those versions just as real as you? The thought made you feel unsettled. You weren't sure how to feel about that.

He continued, “The reason it exists is so that humans can always find their way to the outcomes their hearts genuinely long for even when they seemed to have strayed so far away. There is always a bridge, always a path, for the way home, so to speak. But when this Mother Miranda resets, she does the equivalent of ripping up all the timelines that had already existed in that moment, which disrupts the natural process. She essentially takes away the choices of so many others. The choices that could’ve been, the choices that should’ve been, no longer exist for the people around her.”

He paused for a moment, allowing you and Bela to digest everything he just said, before explaining further, “We, the Sustainers, watch over humanity, and aim to uphold compassion and order. We abhor violence and bloodshed. We look for the most effective and non-lethal way to dispose of threats. When she conducted a reset for the first time, we noticed immediately. But as Sustainers, even with all of our power, we are still subjected to the ‘laws’ of the universe as well as the laws of our own rituals. One of the laws of the universe is that we cannot intervene directly into a human’s affairs, even if they are immortal. However, we are allowed to give opportunities to humans who we deem to be capable enough of handling the threat. But giving an opportunity does not guarantee that the human will take it or use it fully. So we give out as many opportunities as we can. We Sustainers, we can only grant or deny the requests a human makes of us. There was a time, long ago, where it was common for humans to ask of us things. They could ask us for anything because anything is truly possible, if one knows how to ask the right questions, follow the rules of our rituals if applicable, and they are willing to exchange. But then things... changed and though we were forgotten, we continue to work for the sake of humanity’s evolution into becoming more compassionate beings. But I digress. There are plenty of humans we have granted opportunities to handle Mother Miranda in your universe, as well as in other universes, but they either did not take them or the resets made them forget their original task and mission.”

You were overwhelmed now by the torrent of information. There was a lot you needed to go through and examine more closely. But the one piece that stood out prominently in your mind’s eye was that fact that he said, ‘Anything is truly possible.’

“Wait, do you know Zane, the janitor? Is he a Sustainer like you?” Bela asked quickly. You remembered her mentioning how Zane helped her find you, how Zane was able to see through her magic. And Zane also was the one who directed you to Bela's study room in the first place. Would he show up here?

“Zane?… that old man?” The Sustainer chuckled, “He’s not technically one of us, but he is aligned with us. He helps us out from time to time. And that’s all I'm allowed to say about him.”

A small part of you distantly wondered if Zane would answer you directly if you asked him your questions.

The Sustainer turned to Bela fully, addressing her alone, “Miss Bela Dimitrescu, you took the opportunity we granted you and played your part beautifully. In essence, what I’m trying to say is that we, the Sustainers, made the request for you to do the ritual so that we can stop Mother Miranda from continuing to disrupt the natural timelines. We are the ones who made the request through giving you the opportunity, which you took and succeeded in. You fulfilled what we ‘asked’ of you, and therefore, all that’s left is for me to grant it. That is why I am granting it for free. It is already an equal exchange.”

Before he could say or do anything else, you spoke up hastily, “Wait! What is the price I have to pay if I ask you bring back my daughter Eva and return her to Miranda?”

You heard Bela gasp beside you and felt her looking at you with worry, but you kept looking at the Sustainer.

He paused and then he said, “That… is certainly possible. But just because anything is possible, doesn’t mean it should be done.”

You gritted your teeth and asked, “Why? She was a child when she died. She deserves to live—She deserves to live a full life.”

“Those who die are not actually ‘dead’. They are ‘alive’ and ‘well’, those on earth just can’t sense that. And death is a part of life, no matter how much humans fight against it. All humans eventually must learn how to let go and learn to live despite who has passed on. That’s part of their growth,” he said gently.

With the last things he said, you knew he was right, you knew that. Your father taught you this. But still, you wanted. Eva deserved better, deserved a chance to live happily. If it was a price you could pay, you would do it. “I want Eva to live again. And Miranda won’t stop until she gets her back. People will end up dying for her return," you said, trying to persuade him.

The Sustainer seemed to pause at that. Then he lifted his hand and you tensed, while Bela immediately moved in front of you. You gripped onto the back of her jacket, ready to move her out of the way if you needed to. “Relax,” he said with amusement in his tone, “I’m simply checking something.”

With that, an image of lines and symbols appeared in the palm of his hand and became larger and larger until it became the size of large TV screen in front of him. Then he dropped his hand and seemed to be studying the screen. You watched as one line turned golden while the others turned black. Then he waved his hand in front of the screen again, and many of the lines that were black were beginning to shimmer into a seafoam green as they snaked along the screen.

He nodded to himself and spoke once more, “If you agree to the price, I will grant it. I took a quick look at the possible timelines should Eva be reunited with Miranda, and 97% of the timelines see a sharp decrease in violence conducted by Miranda and her cult if Eva is at her side. And even though it doesn’t seem like it, I do understand your sentimentality here. I too fought for a loved one to come back to life.”

“What is the price?” you asked quietly. You needed to see if you could pay it.

"The price for bringing back your daughter and returning her to Miranda is service to the Sustainers for five millenniums in your afterlife. By service, we mean you would be working for us, following the directives we give you. It’s not easy, it's grueling work, physically and emotionally,” you felt like his eyes were boring into yours, trying to see if you were up for the task, “You might have to watch tragedies play out for several cycles in a timeline, in a universe, until we are able to find a thread that can unravel the events and thus allow us to construct a new path forward, one that leads to hope, happiness, or betterment. Can you accept that?”

“I would get to live my life with Bela and my loved ones? I don’t have to give up anything else? No early death?” you asked. You were extremely surprised at the price. You had expected much worse. You didn’t know what exactly, but much worse.

“You would be able to live your human life freely with your lover and your loved ones, yes. You wouldn’t have to give up anything else. You wouldn’t die an early death,” he reiterated. Then he sighed heavily, “I did say that we Sustainers abhor bloodshed and violence, did I not? When we had been in direct contact with humanity before, the price was usually just service to our goals, which were always for the good of humanity. Or if the request was small enough, many of us would simply just ask for our favorite food or drink. But I guess your distrust and disbelief makes sense since a lot of rituals humans have done over the course of millenniums have to do with giving up one’s life, limb, or blood. And those are never our rituals.”

Then Bela tentatively asked, “So… if I was going to pay the price, it simply would’ve been service to your group’s goals after I die?”

The Sustainer nodded, saying, “Yes, but you don’t need to pay it and therefore the knowing the price is useless.”

You thought it over. You simply had to subject yourself to emotionally demanding work for 5,000 years after you die. You didn’t care because doing so made sure Eva came back and you had your whole life to be with Bela and your loved ones anyway. And you would be in a position to help others in this way in the afterlife. At the very least, your afterlife wouldn’t be boring. You wondered if you would be able to visit Bela, Sherry, and the rest of your family from time to time.

“Are you sure you want to give Eva to Miranda? If he brings back Eva… then we can just take care of her ourselves,” Bela’s voice, filled with worry, cut through your thoughts, bringing you back to the present.

You looked at Bela, and said, “I know we could do that, that we could raise her together. And I would love that a lot actually,” you felt tears threatening to make themselves known in your eyes, ”But the only major reason left now for Miranda creating the cult in the first place is bringing back Eva. And I know it sounds insane, but I know she will love and take care of Eva the way she needs to be. Miranda doted on Eva, loved her completely, and she was so devastated when we lost her. I know Miranda would never put her in harm’s way. And I know Miranda will always keep trying to get Eva back considering how she's tried to get me back," you said, smiling sadly, "And I think I can save some lives from Miranda and her cult this way. Eva gets to live again, no one has to be sacrificed for her to return, and Miranda gets to reunite with her. This is the least I can do for those people, this is the least I can do for Miranda and Eva,“ you finished quietly. You could let Eva go, you were capable of that now. You just wanted her to live.

Bela reached out for your hand and held it gently, “Alright, I understand.” Then she looked at the Sustainer and declared, “I too request Eva to be reunited with Miranda.”

You looked at her in alarm, “Bela, you don’t need to pay the price with me. You can just live in the afterlife in peace. I’ll catch up, I’ll find you.” You meant it, you were going to.

Bela simply shook her head, “I’m not letting you pay the price alone. And anywhere you go, I— I want to be there with you. I support you in this and I’m doing this with you,” she squeezed your hand.

You looked at your hand which was holding hers, your fingers interlocked together. In truth, you didn’t want to be separated from her when you both passed on. You did want her there with you. But you felt it was unfair and selfish of you to ask her to give her time and energy for a daughter of a woman who had caused her great pain and suffering.

“Do you really want to do this with me? Are you sure you want to do this, Bela?”

“I do. I’m sure.” Her answer sounded so certain that you couldn't find a trace of doubt within it.

You nodded at her, squeezing her hand back to convey your gratitude, and looked back at the Sustainer. You wished you could see his facial expression and know what he was thinking.

“Are you two of an accord?” he asked finally.

“Yes,” both you and Bela answered in unison.

"I will tell you will occur should you accept and I will ask you again if you agree to pay the price because it is our protocol to do so. Eva will return as a freshly new-born baby. Miranda and her cult will believe she had recently just given birth to Eva through a ritual of her own making. Are you both willing to pay the price?” he inquired to you both.

You and Bela repeated your agreement to pay the price.

“Alright. I’m glad you both agreed to do this together as I think it would be best to not separate you two,” he declared.

Before you could ask what he meant, the Sustainer snapped his fingers, the sound reverberating loudly throughout the space you were in, and simply stated, “It is done.”

He held his hand out and a large ring made of golden pure energy and what you figured to be the Sustainers' symbols appeared, hovering above his palm. He made a quick motion with his other hand and the ring seemed to duplicate its form, pulling away from itself and leaving two rings humming and vibrating in the air side-by-side. Then one moved towards you and the other towards Bela. You didn’t feel tense this time, just curious.

"Do not be afraid, these energy rings simply signify the pact you made and make it official. This way, wherever you go in the infinite universe, other Sustainers and servants can recognize you as one of our own. And since you two are a pair, these particular rings will allow you to teleport to the other’s side no matter what once you’ve started your service. You will be taught on your first day," you heard him say. The large ring phased into your chest and it felt comfortably warm, like getting a warm blanket fresh from the dryer on a cold day. You felt the energy humming joyously within you before it settled down.

Then he waved his arm in front of himself and a black journal with golden accents appeared in the air before him. “Since the ritual is complete and Miss Bela Dimitrescu has fulfilled her part, I shall be taking the journal back. Thank you for offering your service,” he declared, as if you were all merely signing a business contract, “and leave Mother Miranda to us. It will be easier to handle her now that she no longer has a reason to reset time. Go and live in peace.”

Then you and Bela were falling through the ground as it became water, the sound of it rushing through your ears, and the stars zipping past as you both kept sinking rapidly further and further down. For the second time, you felt yourself slipping into unconsciousness. But it was alright, because you knew the protection ritual succeeded and your requests were granted. You and Bela had each other. Miranda forgot you both, the rest of the Dimitrescu's, and the Beneviento's. Eva was alive again, returned to her mother. Everything was okay.

When you woke up again, you were expecting to be in the warded room with Bela at your side. Instead, you were alone, in a house you’ve seen only in memories. The memory of your life with Miranda to be exact. You felt yourself beginning to panic a little. You couldn’t lose Bela now, not when you’ve remembered everything, not after conducting the protection ritual. You began to look around to see if there was a way out.

You jumped when the door opened and you came through, holding a cup of what seemed to be tea, looking at you with a calm smile on your face, and…

Eva. Clinging to your leg.

Needless to say, your confusion and wonder won over your panic, and you asked, “Who are you?”

Eva spoke instead, “Is that your twin?” she asked, looking up at the Other You for an explanation.

“Almost but not quite,” they said gently, “Eva, go play outside for a while. I need to talk to them about something important. Please, sweetheart?”

Eva looked back at you before looking at Other You again. “Okay,” she mumbled before running out of the room, presumably to go outside. You stared after her, even after the door had closed behind her, and then you heard her laugh. You could hear other children laughing out there. Where was this place?

You followed the Other You to the windows, watching as Eva played with two other kids that seemed to be around her age. She looked to be the exact same age she was when she had died.

The Other You seemed to take note of you following after them after they made sure that Eva was indeed playing outside with the other children.

The Other You cleared their throat, which gained your attention, and then they smiled sheepishly at you, “This is a lot to take in, I know.” You nodded and waited for their explanation. The Other You began again, “Bela’s safe, you’re safe. And you’re technically dreaming, with your consciousness in a realm of the afterlife. When we die, many of us choose to live in a place that matches where we lived when we were alive. I was able to get the approval to have you brought you here and talk with you for a little while. I wanted to thank you for not killing Miranda, despite everything that has happened, and for bringing our daughter back to life.”

Part of you was grateful to know that you and Bela were both safe and that this was all technically in a dream. Another stronger part of you was stewing in confusion until things started to click in your mind, “You’re the version of me that lived that past life with her?”

The Other You looked at you with amusement and seemed to consider their response.

“That’s one way to put it, but yes, I am. I am you, but Miranda’s soulmate.”

Your confusion rose. You had so many questions, but you decided to start with a simple one. “She was trying to bring you back. So… why didn’t you come back?”

The Other You's eyes had dimmed with sadness even though they continued to smile. Then they said, “I did, technically,” they gestured to you, “I did come back. You have my memories, don’t you?”

“I do,” you said. “But why am I different from you? If I am you, shouldn’t I have started thinking and feeling the same as you when I got my— your memories back?” you asked, puzzled.

“Think of us this way: same tree, different branches. Or the same flower, but different petals. And when a flower seed is planted into the ground, it blooms the same flower year after year, but it does not bloom the same exact flower twice,” they explained.

You stayed quiet, trying to absorb all of this information.

“In more technical terms,” the Other You continued, “Miranda brought my essence and form back. But me and you were born under different stars, into different lives, had different experiences, which shaped us, our beliefs, and our choices as we moved forward. You were bound to be different from me. We may share the same name, same face, same body, same essence. But you are your own person.”

“I am,” you said firmly after a moment. You were going to keep choosing who you wanted to be, what you wanted to have. Then you asked, “Are you upset that I’m not… you? That I didn’t choose Miranda?”

The Other You laughed at that, “Why would I be upset? I know we don’t agree on many things personally, but the one thing I’m sure we both agree on is that it’s important to fight for what’s right to us, to fight for what is important to us,” the Other You grew quiet for a bit, then said, “I won’t lie and say that I am not sad at what has happened, but I am quite proud of you for fighting for the life that you want, for fighting for who you want to be with. If our situations were reversed, I would’ve done the same. And fighting for what I wanted was what I did, when I was alive.”

You didn’t know what to truly say to that, so all you said was, “Thanks.” You thought the Other You was very affable, considering their past actions and the circumstances you both were in.

The Other You seemed to regard you for a moment before saying, “I know you made Miranda forget about you, but I know in my heart, she has not forgotten me. Love always finds a way after all.”

You felt uneasy at that, “Does this mean she will eventually remember me?” you questioned.

The Other You shook their head, “She has fully forgotten you. But her heart will always remember me. The same way that your heart still remembered Bela despite Miranda making you forget for many cycles,” they confirmed.

You thought over what they said for a moment, before saying, “I’m not sure if I fully understand that.” You were relieved that Miranda wouldn’t remember you though, at the very least.

The Other You smiled mysteriously at that, “It is kind of confusing, but it’ll make sense eventually,” you nodded, not knowing what else to add. Then you thought of Eva, the one who was playing outside with the other children.

“Does this mean it’s going to be the same thing for Eva?” you asked, changing the topic. “It’s her essence and form,” you gestured to her where you could see her through the window, “but the Eva that’s here won’t be the one coming back?”

The Other You nodded and said, “In the end, it is still Eva that has reunited with Miranda back on earth, in the living realm. That is what matters. The Eva here will always be a child, since the universe keeps a record of all beings that have ever lived. But the Eva that has returned to Miranda will eventually grow up and live her life to the fullest. And I am happy and grateful that she now has that chance to do so. So… thank you again.”

Then the Other You tilted their head as if they heard a sound you couldn’t and said, “I believe our time together is almost up. You won’t remember any of this, but I wish you and Bela the very best regardless. You both fought hard to be together and stay together and I hope the rest of your life together is as you wanted it to be."

“If you could come back to Miranda in the living realm, would you?” You couldn’t help yourself, you wanted to know.

The Other You gained a pensive look in their eyes and said, “If I could, yeah. I've tried," they chuckled, its melancholic sound drifting in the space between you both, "I miss her. Terribly. But… I’m technically a memory now. And as much as I want her with me, I still want her to live the life she dreamed for the both of us and for Eva,” they paused to sip at their tea, “But I know I’ll see her again some day. I don’t know when, but some day.”

A part of you wished that they could be reunited with Miranda too. As long as you were able to stay with Bela.

The Other You spoke again, “It’s time for you to go now. Take care of Mia for me too, keep her out of trouble.”

You looked at them and saw the the glow of warmth, dare you say approval, they had towards you. "Thank you for your well-wishes. And I will," you promised to them.

They raised the cup they’ve been holding to you. Your surroundings and the Other You started to blur and fade away into mist, and the last thing you heard was the Other You gently stating, “To you, in the new samsara.”

Chapter Text

Ab Imo Pectore
(From The Bottom Of My Heart)

You woke up, sprawled out on the floor. Memories of the last few hours, the conversation with the Sustainer and fragments of a dream you can no longer fully remember, came rushing in. As you tried to push yourself up, you found that you couldn’t. You looked down at your chest, and you saw Bela laying on top of you. You immediately wrapped your arms around her, rubbing her back. You were also feeling for her heartbeat. If it was there, it was proof. You pressed down where it should be, and you felt the steadiness of its rhythm. She had her heart back, which meant—

The ritual worked. You couldn’t quite believe it yet.

“Bela… Bela, wake up,” you whispered softly. Bela murmured something that you couldn’t catch and a few seconds later, she was pushing herself up to look at you. You could see the exact moment where she remembered everything that happened prior. She leaned down and kissed you softly for a few moments before she got up from you and reached out her hand to help you up, a hand you gratefully accepted. You both looked towards the center of the ritual circle. You saw the charred remains of the cult invitation letter and Miranda’s feathers, while the flowers and the photos were simply gone. You stared at the charred remains for a few moments and then you looked around the room. Nothing was out of place. The morning sunlight was streaming through the singular window. There were cracks along the wall because of Miranda trying to break through earlier, but that was it.

“How are you feeling?” you asked her, watching and waiting to see if she had to deal with a sudden influx of emotions and pass out like she had done plenty of times before. But none of that happened, instead Bela smiled softly at you.

“I’m alright, sweetheart. I feel my emotions gradually coming back, instead of slamming into me.”

You nodded in relief, grasping her hand and lacing your fingers together. You both walked steadily towards the door and as you were about to open it, Bela’s phone rang.

“It’s Mia,” she told you as she went to answer it and put Mia on speaker, while still holding your hand.

“Mia? What happened?” Bela asked. You waited, holding your breath, with nervousness in the pit of your stomach.

“Whatever you did, it worked! One second, I was being restrained by the cult, all beaten up, and the next I was in my dorm room, all healed up!” Mia yelled with excitement and incredulity in her voice. At Mia’s words, you felt the reality begin to sink in. You let out the breath you kept in and slumped against Bela’s side, pressing your palm over your eyes. Bela let go of your hand and wrapped her arm around you, hugging you tight and kissing the top of your head. You felt hot tears of relief gather in your eyes. It was over. You and Bela were free. Mia, Angie, Donna, and the rest of the Dimitrescu family were free too. You did your best to refocus on what Mia was saying.

“I left my dorm to check too. No one from the cult recognized me or remembered me. And as I was walking around, I heard a few students talking about Miranda and her new baby! What did you two do? How did you bring back Eva?”

You were crying freely now, you couldn’t help it. Eva was back. You were able to bring her back. You wiped away your tears with your shirt, still sniffling here and there.

“It’s a bit of a long story,” Bela spoke, sounding happy, relieved, and tired all at once, “We’ll meet up with you and we’ll explain.”

As you and Bela began to leave her family's mansion, you asked her, "Can I let Daniela and Angie know we're together now? I just wanna tell them, you know? They're my best friends too."

Bela looked thoughtful and then she said, "Yes, you can tell them now. I was planning on asking for a family dinner and introducing you as my romantic partner then."

"We can still do that. And you want to introduce me as your partner formally so quickly, huh?" you asked, a teasing tone to your voice.

"What do you mean quickly? It's been a long time coming actually," she answered easily.

You:

Daniela!! I'm safe, I swear! I just got caught up at the library and then Bela brought me back to her apartment to rest. Sorry for letting you know so late!

Daniela:

Ngl, i was rlly worried when i woke up and i saw u werent back yet. Hope things went well between u both ;)

You:

They did, because me and her are together now. :)

Daniela:

!!! come back to the dorm soon and tell me and Angie everything!!!

You:

I will! I just gotta run a few errands with her first

Daniela:

THIS IS ANGIE AND WE R IMPATIENT TO KNOW

You:

Lmao looks like you guys have to wait

Daniela:

>:(

As you and Bela walked from the parking lot to the study room, a part of you was still trying to look around for any sign that something could be off. You couldn’t help but be on your guard, considering you had gone through seven years of hiding with Bela only to be eventually found by Miranda. Bela was being cautious too, having brought a few rune stones with her since they still worked according to her intentions just in case something happened. But... everything seemed as what Bela explained would happen. You saw some members of the cult doing their usual non-cult things. None of them turned to really look at you or Bela with intense, knowing stares. None of them tried to approach you two. You simply felt like another student to them, someone to be cordial and polite with and maybe help if needed, but nothing more than that.

Both of you did however overhear several conversations about Miranda and her new baby, Eva.

You felt your heart clench a little at Eva's name. You hoped she was healthy and doing well in this new world.

“Did you hear that Headmistress Miranda returned to the school with baby Eva today just so she could mentor the temporary Headmistress on what to do?”

Another voice chimed in, "Wait, who's our temporary Headmistress?"

"Ms. Wong. The only reason I know that is because I overheard it when I passed by," the first voice responded.

"Ohhhh! Okay!"

“Yeah, I heard. I think that’s wild. If I just had a baby, I don’t think I would have the strength to come back to work for a while,” a different voice replied.

“The Headmistress really cares about the school though and I’ve heard she is particular and controlling, so I guess it makes sense. I feel bad for Ms. Wong though. I passed by them both earlier and while Headmistress Miranda was cooing at her baby, Ms. Wong looked so done with it.”

“Miranda’s baby is so cute though! And she seems less terrifying with her baby too!”

When you both got to the study room, Mia was waiting outside. The three of you entered the room, locking the door behind you. You and Bela quickly summarized what happened during the ritual, the words you used for the ritual, and the conversation with the Sustainer. Mia's eyes widened, frowning during your guys' shared explanation, and then at the end of it, she whistled lowly, “Damn. So in the end, you were able to make Miranda and her cult forget us completely, forever. And then you requested to bring Eva back, and the price you both paid for that was offering your service to a group of beings called the Sustainers for 5,000 years of your afterlife?”

You and Bela nodded in seriousness. Mia gained a thoughtful expression and then simply said, “If I didn’t work for Miranda for all these years and didn’t witness the shit she did, I would’ve thought you guys were just simply joking around. But you’re not.” The three of you sat there quietly, simply absorbing everything that has happened so far. None of you had to deal with being caught in a time loop ever again. Miranda would never know or remember, and it would stay that way. Your friends and loved ones were safe and protected from her and the cult forever.

Then Mia asked Bela, “How exactly does the protection ritual affect Miranda and the cult and everyone else involved in it? You didn’t really explain much of that to me. I just understand Miranda and the cult forgot us and don’t recognize us, which is ironic in my opinion.”

Bela nodded, looking at the table as she went into her explanation, “The protection ritual went through the minds of Miranda and the rest of the cult, replacing and altering any events and memories that have to do with us, my family and loved ones, with other events and people. Those are fake memories and no one is actually replacing their positions within the cult.” Then she frowned and said, “Though I’m sure Miranda will eventually find others. And since those events and memories have been altered and replaced, it’s the same for my mother, my sisters, Angie, and Aunt Donna too. So my mother, Aunt Donna, and Cassandra never joined the cult. Daniela never got her curse. And I never got my heart removed. And you,” she said looking at Mia, “you lose whatever immortality and power you gained from Miranda and the cult.”

Mia frowned and sighed heavily, “Well, I guess I should’ve expected that. I’m gonna have to remind myself that I’m mortal and able to die now.”

You quietly pondered to yourself if you should also remind Mia often that she was mortal now. She had always been kind of reckless even before working for Miranda and you usually helped bandage her up. And she had been extremely reckless in the last few runs.

Bela nodded again, “Mhm. And the other part of the protection ritual is that Miranda and her Cult will overlook us and consider us insignificant and unimportant to them. So she’ll never try to recruit my mother or Aunt Donna again or put a curse on my sisters or Angie. And the three of us, along with my family, will feel the urge to leave the university. And the urge will keep growing until we eventually leave. All of us will always feel a natural pull leading us away from Miranda and her cult. That’s part of the protection.”

Mia hummed at that and turned to you, asking, “Where are you planning to go?”

You blinked and then thought it over. You honestly just wanted to get back to the life you had with Bela in the last run, so you said, “Back to the U.S. with Bela. I want to build the life we had together last time.” You looked to Bela and she was smiling softly at you. You knew then she wanted that too. You wondered where Mia wanted to go since she was free now.

“Could I tag along?” Mia quietly asked, surprising you.

“You’re my best friend, Mia. Of course you can tag along,” you said gently.

“You’re more than welcome to come with us,” Bela added.

Mia had a small smile on her face as she said, “Cool. Just let me know when we need to head out. I’ll make sure to prepare what I need in the meantime.”

Right. You had to figure out your plans for transferring out from the university first. You still wanted to finish your schooling, so you mentally made a note to start looking up universities in the U.S. to transfer to. You would ask Bela where she wanted to transfer to later. You had another question on your mind.

“Bela, how come the three of us remember everything that’s happened, but everyone else’s memories got altered and replaced? I don't think you explained that part to me.”

“According to the journal, it was about awareness of the protection ritual. So if the protected is aware of the ritual that they themselves are a part of, they still remember everything. If the protected is part of the ritual and they are unaware of it, they are affected accordingly. And even if Miranda was aware of the ritual and we still completed it successfully, she still would’ve forgot and had her memories altered and replaced, because she’s the one we’re protecting ourselves from. Same for any cult member,” Bela explained.

Huh. So that’s how it worked. Good to know it would’ve still worked even if Miranda or any other cult member had found out.

Mia had a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she looked at you and asked with seriousness, catching you completely off-guard, “Are you sure about letting Miranda keep Eva?”

You felt yourself tense. You knew she would've asked you eventually since she knew how much you loved Eva. You nodded, saying, “I am. I know… I know this means that I’ll never be able to watch her grow up or be there for her. But I feel like it’s better this way,” you felt Bela's hand grasps yours and squeezing it gently under the table where you had it resting on your knee, “I know the ritual worked, which means I’ll always be naturally pulled away from Miranda and therefore, Eva. But I know she’ll take care of her. I know at the very least that Miranda loves Eva unconditionally," you paused, trying to find more of the words to help you explain, "If she figured out Eva existed in the world somewhere without her, I know she would stop at nothing to have her back and this ritual may not be enough to stop a mother's love. And as much as I would have liked to have Eva with me and Bela, I didn’t want to take Eva from Miranda either,” you stated solemnly. You would miss Eva for the rest of your life but you contented yourself in knowing that she was alive and with her mother again. It wasn’t hitting you yet, but you knew you would grieve later, that you would grieve not being able to be there and watch Eva grow up. But you were capable of letting her go now.

Mia nodded quietly, her eyes gentle as they continued to look at you, “I get it.”

You felt Bela squeeze your hand again, and you knew she was intending to comfort you. You gave her a small, grateful smile, and you saw her love and concern shining back at you.

Mia spoke up again, bringing your attention back to her, “You always deserved better than Miranda. That’s what I always thought.” Her eyes flicked over to Bela, narrowing slightly, “You better treat them right or else.”

The first time Mia had said something like this to Miranda, Miranda had gotten offended, scoffed at Mia, and complained to you about it afterwards. You wondered how Bela was going to respond and if you should step in to convince Mia that she would treat you right, that she was already treating you right.

You looked at Bela and you saw only total determination in her eyes as she looked at Mia, not a hint of being offended to be seen.

”I will. I’ll treat them right and take care of them. And whatever mistakes I make, I'll apologize and I’ll make it right,” Bela declared with utmost seriousness.

You glanced back at Mia and to your relief and amusement, you could tell that Mia definitely approved of Bela’s answer with the way her eyes gleamed.

Then Mia brought up a different topic, “Are you guys hungry? Because after all of this, I’m starving.” You felt into your body and sensed that you were starving too. You guys agreed on getting pizza at the pizza restaurant nearby. It was the first time in a long while where you felt relaxed and happy, just spending time with your lover and your best friend.

Part of you had worried about whether it would be awkward picking up your friendship with Mia again, but it turned out you didn't really have to worry. You and Mia chatted between bites of pizza, her telling a bunch of stories that happened in the other lifetimes and the weird shit she has seen for being alive for a long while and you reacting in wonder and shock to them, with Bela making her own small comments from time to time, especially if she was part of the story.

Mia took everything that had happened between her and Bela in stride, even complimenting her on being able to kill her a couple times. You could tell Bela was unnerved by that but she took the compliment anyway as gracefully as she could, saying that she only did it to protect you. You felt yourself beginning to blush at that and you tried to hide it by eating more pizza. Unfortunately, it didn't work and Mia called you out on it.

"AWWWW!! Is someone blushing?"

"Mia, stop, please..." you refused to look at either of them, and in a valiant attempt to move the conversation along and distract them, you said, "Wow, isn't this cheese pizza so delicious, you guys? Don't you guys want more? I think I should order more of it!"

As you attempted to get up, Bela's hand curled around your waist, her grip keeping you there next to her in the booth. She leaned in close to whisper, her lips brushing your ear, "You're adorable when you blush. I'll have to make it happen more often."

You groaned quietly in defeat and hid your face into your hands, knowing it was probably extremely red from how hot it felt. You heard both Mia gagging and Bela chuckling at your reaction, and you felt Bela's hand continuing to gently rub your waist.

Thankfully, Bela changed the topic to asking Mia about how you two ended up becoming best friends. You removed your hands from your face and you watched in contentment as Mia joyfully launched into her explanation. You also added your side of the story as well. Then it gradually became you and Mia recounting several of your shenanigans together growing up to Bela. Most of her reactions were either shock, laughter, or both.

The love of your life and your best friend from another lifetime were getting along, and you were profoundly grateful for it.

It was much later in the evening when you and Bela were walking back to her apartment from the university and dropping Mia off at her dorm. You and Bela had just discussed and agreed on transferring out at the end of the year to a university in the states and finishing your school there. You both were eager to get out of there as soon as possible and back to the life you had established in the last run. And you both felt like it was a safe decision since it meant you both finished your respective years and Miranda wouldn’t be returning to her post as Headmistress until the next school year. As you noticed a poster of The Phantom of the Opera musical on the wall of a building, you stopped to look at it.

“Bela?” you asked.

“Yes?”

“Would you like to attend the musical with me?”

She laughed, “Of course I’ll watch it with you.”

You guys continued the walk to her apartment and once inside, you collapsed on her couch, feeling the exhaustion from everything that had happened so far hit you like a semi-truck.

Bela eventually climbed into the couch with you, laying her head on your lap. You both sat in peaceful silence, until Bela inquired softly, “What are you thinking about?”

You sighed, and answered truthfully, “Everything, I guess. Everything that’s happened in the last few hours. I still can’t believe it’s real, you know?”

“We never need to deal with her or her cult again,” Bela said quietly, “And I never need to deal with student council again either.”

You chuckled, “I know. I was there.”

“I didn’t think that they would beg me not to leave.”

“You just do your duties extremely well, Bela. I’m not sure if you noticed but some of the members burst into tears when you announced it.”

“Really? I didn’t notice at all.”

You knew that, since she had simply put down her resignation letter on the table and then turned around to hold your hand and leave. You gently ran your fingers through her hair and she closed her eyes, breathing out a sigh of contentment, enjoying the attention you gave her.

“Miranda tried to court me with gifts this time around, you know,” you started casually, wanting to poke her buttons for a bit.

Her eyes shot open and she looked at you, “What?” she asked, a slight scowl forming on her features.

“She sent crows to deliver a necklace and a ring to me.” Pure silence followed after. You did your best to keep your smirk off your face.

“… are you going to keep them?” Her tone sounded neutral. But you knew better.

“No, it feels wrong to me to keep gifts that hold romantic intentions from someone else. I’m thinking I’ll probably sell them at a pawn shop or something soon.”

“Good,” Bela said, sounding immensely satisfied.

“Someone sounds happy,” you murmured lowly, meaning to tease her.

You expected her to have some kind of comeback, something that denoted her possessiveness, which she did her best to hide, over you. But that wasn’t what happened.

Instead, Bela, her voice filled with reverence, whispered, “How could I not be? When you chose me?”

You felt your face begin to heat up. You looked down and she was looking up at you with a fond look in her eyes, the kind of look that made your heart ache gently, with the need to touch her and show her that you would always choose her, in this lifetime and the next. She smiled up at you, the same kind of soft smile she gave you in the beginning when you first woke her up from her sleep. This time around, you leaned down to kiss her, as the sunbeams do with the sea at first morning light. And she rose up to meet you halfway.

TIMESKIP - Seven Years Later

You helped Sherry settle in her seat and sat down next to her. Bela was on her other side, talking with Daniela and her new girlfriend about the plans for the party after the show. Mia sat next to you, with Ethan, her new boyfriend, on her other side. All of you were here to watch and celebrate Cassandra’s debut as Christine Daaé in The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway.

You knew Angie, Donna, and Donna’s girlfriend were running a little bit late, but they would eventually settle into the seats behind you. And Bela told you that Alcina was helping Cassandra backstage and would be watching from box five. It made you giggle, Alcina probably liked the immersion of it.

Sherry was currently occupied with playing Genshin on her phone, so you took a few moments to reflect on the last few events of your life.

You and Bela were married again, for good this time. You both were able to build the businesses you had built the first time, you successfully selling your own art, and Bela being the art director of her own highly sought after business, which helped many well-known clients with the creative vision and visual aspects of their projects.

You and Daniela were already best friends, but then you somehow became good friends with Cassandra too after watching her musical with Bela back at the university, much to Bela’s chagrin. Daniela and Cassandra both teased her about you and always told her that she needed to share your time with them too. Which Bela begrudgingly did. And you always rewarded her for it.

Angie was usually on the move, DJing her way across the globe, so it was fun when she would visit and tell you and Bela her stories of DJing. Granted, a lot of them involved alcohol, but you both supported her nonetheless.

You thought it would be awkward to interact with Alcina and Donna again since you remembered the lifetimes where you were theirs, but it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Alcina already had a good opinion of you because of your efforts in her classes, but once she learned you were dating her eldest daughter at the family dinner Bela called, she immediately began to question you to make sure you were good enough for Bela. She was extremely hard on you in the beginning, but as always, you passed her tests with flying colors and she approved of you for Bela. And since then, she has treated you like her own child, something you and Bela were very much relieved about. Bela also told you one night, blushing all the while, that Alcina actively pushed her to propose to you, having said to her at some point, “You will not see another person like them for a very long time, my dear. You must claim them now and show them your devotion every day.”

With Donna, even though you hadn’t spent a lot of time with her in this life or for the last few lives, she was already very protective over you. She was always happy when you made time to visit her and her new girlfriend, who seemed to be a great match for her.

Five years after moving away from Romania, you and Bela were able to find Sherry and adopt her again like you did the first time. You had your family again, plus more.

Mia nudged you gently with her elbow, saying, “Hey, can I give Sherry a switchblade for her next birthday?” Bela whipped her head quickly to look at you and Mia. “No. No switchblade,” she said fiercely, scowling at Mia, before turning back to her conversation with Daniela, who you could see laughing nervously.

Sherry heard nothing of the conversations around her, only focusing on beating Childe up for the nth time.

You chuckled at Mia’s sulking face and confessed to her, “Sherry actually has been wanting a puppy. We’re thinking of getting her a German Shepherd.”

Mia seemed to think it over and then whispered to you so that your wife didn’t hear her again, “German Shepherds are a good breed. Could I train the German Shepherd to protect her then? I could teach it how to wield a knife.” You weren’t sure how well that would go down, but you knew if anyone could train a dog to wield a knife, it would be Mia. But you were also 99% sure that Bela wouldn’t let Mia train Sherry’s new puppy.

Then Ethan got Mia’s attention, asking her about the story of the musical, and you were left to your own thoughts again. You looked at your wife, Bela, who was checking up on Sherry and telling her gently to put her phone on silent and to put it away since the show was starting soon, as made clear by an announcer. You leaned over to kiss Sherry’s head and asked her, “You excited to see your Aunt Cassandra as Christine?”

“Yeah!” Sherry exclaimed excitedly, her eyes now focused on the stage.

You reached over Sherry’s head to touch Bela’s shoulder gently, gaining her attention. She looked at you, her eyes curious, and asked, “What is it?”

Hearing the theater beginning to fall silent, you fondly whispered, “I love you.” You vowed to yourself that you would make sure she knew it every day and by god, you were going to do it.

Her eyes softened and she whispered back, “I love you too.” It took you a while for you to get here, and you were always going to be immensely grateful for the fact that you and Bela both kept choosing each other over and over. You both had plenty of choices, plenty of paths, but you both decided on the ones that led you both to get together and somehow manage to stay together, unto eternity, despite the odds.

The lights began to dim, drawing your attention towards the stage, and the Phantom of the Opera’s theme began to play.

Chapter Text

Amor Vera Numquam Moritur
(True Love Never Dies)

“Mommy? How come I don’t have another parent like the other children do?”

Eva had asked her that a few days ago. Miranda had simply told her, “I chose to have you because I wanted to. There was no one else involved in my decision to have you when I did, darling.”

Miranda knew that to be true. There was no one else involved in her decision to have Eva when she did. In truth, she felt like someone should’ve been there with her, when she first held Eva in her memories. But she chalked it up to loneliness and perhaps wishful thinking.

She acknowledged that she did want a partner. She had been wanting one for a while now. Someone who was good for her and also a good parent for Eva. But she didn’t want to go about finding a partner while Eva was still a baby, wanting to make sure Eva had all the love and attention she needed from her. And so she waited to start looking until Eva turned seven.

When she asked Elena, one of her faithful subjects who was also her main coffee supply, how she was to go about finding a partner, Elena had spat out her own drink onto the floor before hastily moving to clean it up and then answering her query.

Miranda wondered if it was so surprising that she was looking for love. Once Elena had gotten over her initial shock, she explained dating apps to Miranda and showed her some on her phone. Elena also explained that certain apps carried a reputation for ‘hooking up’, whatever that was. Miranda knew instinctively that she wasn’t interested in that and didn’t bother to ask her to explain it further.

She was now in her room, sitting on the edge of her bed. Eva was already fast asleep in her own room.

Her finger hovered over the button of whether to download the dating app, Hinge. After a few minutes of hovering, she simply locked her phone and threw it gently onto her bed.

She sighed deeply, mentally berating herself. She was a powerful, immortal, divine being. Dating apps were beneath her. She would find another way. She got up and strode over to her little library, beginning her research into bringing her soulmate to her.

A few days later, she found what she was looking for. Once she had acquired the sufficient amount of blood and discreetly dealt with the missing persons cases on campus, she decided to conduct her ritual out at midnight in the forest for… safety purposes. She prepared the summoning circle and few of her loyal cult members stood guard nearby, ready to lead away anyone who could potentially disrupt the ritual. She began the chant of a language unknown to anyone else but to her and her inner circle.

She had to focus on her intentions. A soulmate for her, someone who was good for her, someone who would be a good parent to Eva.

Once she finished her chant, the fabric of reality seemed to rip itself open in the middle of the summoning circle, showing a swirling vortex of the stars and the cosmos. And then you tumbled out onto the grass and dirt, unconscious.

She walked over to you and bent down to inspect your features, turning your face gently from side to side. You were her type, a type she didn’t even know she had.

She picked you up gently in her arms, bridal-style, and began to carry you home, her followers dutifully cleaning up the remains of the ritual in her stead.

In another universe, a few moments earlier…

You were slumped over on your desk, exhausted from finishing the work for one of your undergraduate classes. You had chosen to major in Anatomy, you had chosen to become a physician. You didn’t do it for any familial approval, you just happened to be interested in it and it just worked out that way. But by god, was it tiring. Part of you envied your younger sister who had decided on art and was currently having the time of her life with it.

You needed the sleep of the just in your comfy bed. But you continued to lie there, slumped over your desk. You had to continue studying. If you went to bed now, you wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow morning. So you let your mind wander for a bit, which you no longer felt guilty about, because there was proven research that letting the mind wander was a way to help it recharge.

Your mind started to wander towards what your roommates said to you earlier that day before they went on their date. Their advice about finding love and all that. That you should put yourself out there, make yourself available, find somebody, and not stay cooped up inside, studying all the time. But you weren’t really interested. You were more focused on completing your studies and building your career. You were content with being on your own. Your heart ached for no one and you planned to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. Besides, you preferred that someone would make the moves towards you in the end. Though, that rarely happened since you kept to yourself most of the time.

Sufficiently tired of thinking about romantic love and the uncertainties of it in your life, you got up to go to the kitchen to get a refill of your peppermint tea, when suddenly, the air in front of you ripped open to a swirling vortex of the cosmos and the stars. You screamed, loud and piercing to your own ears, and tried to run in the opposite direction, but you couldn’t. The vortex pulled you in, the hold it had on you was unrelenting. You didn’t understand what was happening. You didn’t want to die. You kept screaming and you were falling and falling and falling through the vortex, watching the stars and cosmos blaze past you, until your vision became fuzzy and faded to black.

When you woke up, you were in a very nicely decorated room, sprawled out on a really nice couch. You couldn’t remember exactly how you got here. You had gotten up to get more peppermint tea and… nothing. A total void in your memory. It was disconcerting.

As you sat up, you noticed a blonde goddess of a woman observing you from her chair next to the couch.

“Have I died? Is this heaven? Are you a goddess?” you asked, your words rushing out desperately. You weren’t ready to be dead yet! You still had things to do!

The blonde goddess blinked in shock and then burst out in laughter. You felt a little perturbed, but also very proud of yourself for making this woman laugh. You got the sense that she didn’t get to laugh like this all that often.

“Miranda.”

“Huh?“ you asked, like a fool.

She smirked at you in amusement, “My name is Miranda.”

“That’s a really pretty name.” You were making an absolute fool out of yourself in front of this goddess. But it was okay. At least, you hoped so.

“And yours?”

Her aura seemed to have become more smug in the last few seconds, which irked you, but you told her your name.

She said your name and she sounded as if she was savoring it. You felt your ears and face heat up and you quickly looked away, trying to find something else to grasp onto.

“Where am I? How did I get here?”

“Well, you are not dead. I found you outside in the forest, lying on the ground. I brought you back and nursed you back to health in my own home.”

You didn’t know how to process this information so you stuttered, “I— I’m… Thank you. For rescuing me and taking care of me. I will go now. I need to go home.” You had no clue how you could’ve possibly ended up in the forest. You were sure that you were in your apartment the whole time. And now you were here in the home of a goddess. It was too much. Something was off. The gap in your memory. You needed to get home as soon as possible, where things made sense.

She got up and placed a warm hand on your shoulder, saying, “Please stay for now. I think you’re a long way from home. We can figure out what to do next later.”

You nodded, “Alright.” You were unsure of what else to do or say, but you figured you could at least trust her. She had saved you after all. She would help you get home.

“I have to go prepare dinner, so please make yourself comfortable in my home. Follow me into the kitchen,” she commanded gently.

You nodded again. You felt overwhelmed and out of place. You needed to ground yourself, return to center. Then you would be able to figure out what should be done next. You followed her into the kitchen where you saw a young girl playing with some barbies on the table. She looked up at you and asked, “Mommy, who is this?”

“Eva, sweetheart, this is our guest for the time being. They’re a long way from home.” Distantly, in the back of your mind, you wondered how she knew your preferred pronouns. Or maybe you were overthinking and she just happened to be someone who didn’t default to gendered pronouns until she knew. Yeah, that had to be it.

Miranda gave the little girl your name and the little girl declared to you, “Hello! I’m Eva!”

She continued to look up at you, clearly debating on something, “Will you play with me as mommy cooks dinner?”

You smiled gently at her. Your friends thought children were little gremlins, but you loved them and you heavily contemplated the idea of simply adopting when you were financially ready for a child. You answered, “Of course, I will. What are we playing?”

Eva beamed at you and launched right into her current story, brandishing her barbies to you, “So! The plot right now is that the new wife has been possessed by the ex-wife, acting in ways to make papa leave the new wife, and papa,” she pointed to a barbie in a suit, “has to unravel the mystery of why her new wife is acting differently and free her new wife from the possession. But the possession only happened because the ex-wife loved papa so much she couldn’t bear to let her go to another woman. So papa has to figure out how to reconcile the whole situation. What does papa need to do to free their new wife from the possession? Does she leave her new wife and their kids and willingly go back to their ex-wife? Or what?”

She looked to you for answers, her eyes innocent and shining.

You stared at Eva, shocked. You didn’t think playing with dolls would be this complicated. It was never that complicated to you when you played with your barbies when you were little. After a bit, you remarked, “Well... That’s quite a mind-bender, Eva. We’re going to have to think really hard about what papa should do in this situation.” And so began your journey of helping Eva complete her complex storyline with her dolls to a satisfying conclusion.

“Couldn’t papa just do a ritual to free her wife from the ex-wife’s possession?” you asked with seriousness.

Eva seemed to be thinking hard about your suggestion. Then she questioned, “I mean, she could, but how would she do that without the ex-wife knowing?”

“Okay, first let’s go over the story and the elements you have so far…”

All the while, you did not notice Miranda staring at you both with a small smile on her lips.

Once she saw the swirling vortex of stars and the cosmos within the portal, she knew she had made the right decision. You were not of her universe. Fate wasn’t kind enough to let her have a soulmate in her own universe. She sneered to herself internally. She wouldn’t have met you under normal circumstances. She wouldn’t have met you if she hadn’t conducted the ritual.

They’re perfect. I have to keep them. I have to make sure they want to stay, she thought to herself. While you were unconscious, she had gone through your memories, keenly observing and committing to her memory all of the knowledge about you, fascinated and intrigued by you, by how perfect you were for her and her for you. There were minor obstacles, what relationship doesn’t have them, but Miranda believed you both would be able to move past them. You were her soulmate after all.

Another thought rose up unbidden, I cannot lose them again. This time, I will make it right.

Miranda shook her head, What an odd thought. I haven’t lost them.

And yet… something in her heart whispered that she had, that she had lost you for a very, very long time, and she had only just gotten you back through her own choice.

She watched you as you continued to play through the story with her daughter, making her giggle and laugh with your funny voices.

She noticed the scent of dinner cooking. She wanted her days and nights to be like this always. You and Eva with her, in your shared home, safe and protected and loved.

I won’t waste this. I will do this right. I only have one chance.

With those thoughts, she continued to cook dinner, all the while constructing several plans in her head to court you, win your heart, and be the one you chose over all others every time.

Bela jerked awake, her heart racing in a panic. She felt the overwhelming urge to look for you, to make sure you were still there with her, and as she tried to get up quickly, her mind finally registered that there was a heavy weight laying on top of her, something her arms were wrapped around.

It was you. But because of her frantic movements, you were slowly waking up from your sleep. You blinked at her lazily, the sleepiness leaving your eyes as you continued to focus on her.

“Did you have a nightmare again, Bela?” you whispered to her softly. You shifted your weight onto one arm and gently cupped her jaw, your thumb caressing the skin near her lips softly in a back-and-forth motion.

Bela turned her head a little to kiss your thumb before she turned to look at the other bed in the hotel room you and her family had returned to after Cassandra’s after-party. She sighed in relief when she was able to see Sherry fast asleep, clutching onto her narwhal plushie.

“Bela,” you whispered again softly, trying to gain her attention.

She turned back to you, her loving partner, her spouse, and said wearily, “It wasn’t a nightmare. It— I don’t know what it was. I just— I just wanted to make sure you were still here.”

After everything that had happened with Miranda and her cult, Bela had started to get nightmares about her and the time loops a few months later. There were usually of her not able to reach you in time, you being snatched away by Miranda or Miranda destroying the protection ritual itself. Or you telling her that you chose Miranda or… her mother. She even had strange ones that were just as terrible, where you tried to help her still by shoving a heart into her chest but the heart did something to her and she killed you after. Then there were the ones where you refused to believe what she said and Miranda had thrown her into a psychiatric hospital, convincing everyone else that she had a mental breakdown and was unstable. And you had your own nightmares too, but you didn’t seem to get them as much as she did.

You worried heavily about her and her nightmares and you spent a lot of time researching for a way to help her. You knew you both couldn’t just go to any therapist, they probably wouldn’t believe a thing either of you said and would consider you both in need of help. Then one day, a random lady in a crisp office-type outfit had shown up to one of your lunch dates, introducing herself as a future colleague, another servant to the Sustainers. Her name was Emily and she gave you both her card, saying that she was a therapist in her work with the Sustainers.

“Many individuals who become servants to the Sustainers tend to be individuals who come from very emotionally stressful or painful timelines or universes, as they are the ones who require a particular ritual or method in order to neutralize their threat. And the work of Sustainers is very mentally and emotionally taxing, so the higher ups always make sure that all personnel, current or future, get the right psychological support they need and prefer. Please give me a call whenever you’re ready. I’m here to support you both.”

Bela was hesitant at first, but with your gentle urging and you saying you would be there with her, she scheduled weekly therapy appointments with Emily. Sometimes, you were allowed to be present, sometimes you weren’t, depending on what Emily wanted to tackle that day. After a couple of sessions of Bela talking about everything that had happened, Emily had explained to her gently and softly as she could that her nightmares were a combination of her body feeling safe enough to start processing everything that had happened as well as being windows into other timelines where that version of her wasn’t so lucky.

“The reason that your dreams can act as a window into those universes is because you are also just as stressed or worried as that version of yourself. If you’re on the same emotional frequency as those versions of yourself, your dreams can create a window into their universe, that timeline,“ Emily explained quietly.

After that particular session with Emily, Bela stayed by your side for an entire day, getting up and following after you even when she didn’t have to. And you never got frustrated or upset about it, you understood why since Emily had explained the same thing about your nightmares to you. There were days after when you had a particularly bad one and you stayed by her side, even when she was working late into the night. She asked you about them, but you didn’t like talking about them, and so she never pushed you about them after. But sometimes you did talk about them if they bothered you enough, and she always listened and made sure to comfort you. And you did the same for her when she wanted to talk about her nightmares with you.

As the years went on with her weekly therapy and Emily helping her release her emotions, she gradually started to have less and less nightmares, which told her that she was finally healing. Then the nightmares became occasional. And then she didn’t have any for an entire year. But this night was different. She knew she didn’t have a nightmare, but something still woke her up and urged her to make sure you were still there.

You were shifting now, trying to get into a more comfortable position on top of her. She tightened her arms around you slightly, an unconscious reflex to make sure of your presence, to keep you with her. You laid your head down on her chest and then you slid your hand underneath her shirt and placed your hand over her still rapidly beating heart. Your hand was pleasantly warm and your touch was comforting. Then you began to murmur to her, “I’m here. I love you. Mahal kita. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise I’ll be here. I love you. Mahal kita, palangga. Nandito ako…”

You continued to murmur loving words of reassurance to her and Bela felt herself relaxing enough at your touch that she began to fall asleep, your words becoming her lullaby.

When she woke up the next morning, you were there with her. And for every morning after, you were still there, loving her, supporting her, encouraging her, taking care of her. And even when it was time for both of you to pass away and fulfill the pact you made, you were right there by her side, looking just as you did that day when you both made the request to bring back Eva. You reached out for her hand and she was content with you pulling her along into the next chapter of your lives within eternity together.

I'm so grateful you chose me, she thought to herself as you led her forward confidently. I'm so grateful you love me.

End.